#you cannot simply pick a side and be blind to the very complicated conflict

[apothekaries]

people literally supporting hamas while they're calling themselves leftist.. are we now actively supporting the iranian government??? supporting the hamas' attack right before israel was going to sign a peace contract with saudi-arabia is just vile. a contract that would have led to the betterment of palestinian lives. yes, the israeli gov HAS to be criticized harshly, obviously, (and it is by progressive palestinian and israeli orgs) but you're cheering for the hamas now??? an organisation that has actively surpressed elections since 2006, incarcerated and tortured thousands in 2019 in gaza, cooperated with the iranian, syrian regimes and the hizbollah in lebanon. these are governments that openly wish for the death of all jews. get your shit together.

[hugs-not-anonymous]

LFC - Jasculs Freemoon

The Basics --- - 

Full name: Jasculs Freemoon. Nickname(s): Jackie, Jas, Jasc, stubborn oaf, big ol’ pumpkin, Mat, Mattie, dreamboy, moony. Title(s): Self-proclaimed bodyguard-dad. Former Slayer and Commander. Champion and Hero, though he usually doesn’t respond to them. Alias(es): Mateth/Mateus Dawndream. Age: About 12.000 years. Birthday: February 9th. Race: Green/Emerald Dragon. Disguises himself as a half-dragon-like kaldorei or sin’dorei. If necessary, he can disguise himself fully as either, too. He prefers his kaldorei form. Gender & pronouns: Male, he/him.  Sexuality: Homoromantic, bisexual. Marital Status: Married. 

Physical Appearance --- - 

Hair: Purple so dark it appears black. Long, soft, and incredibly curly, though it's kept in a braid most of the time to keep it from becoming too much of a ridiculous, unruly mess. Jasculs also adorns a full, neatly kept and trimmed beard.  Eyes: Unlike most demon hunters, Jasculs still has his eyes, although they're blind and tinted deeply with fel, both of the eyeballs sickeningly green.  Height: 262 cm/8'7" in kaldorei form, 210.8 cm/6′11″ in sin’dorei form and too tall for my brain to comprehend in dragon form.  Weight: 160 kg/353 lbs in kaldorei form, 128.6 kg/283.51 lbs in sin’dorei form and yet again too heavy in dragon form for my feeble human brain to make realistic.  Build: Muscular mountain with slight pudge around the stomach area.  Scars:

A small, y-shaped, faded scar between his eyebrows.

Scars from Naroua's teeth just above his left elbow.

One in the shape of the North star on his abdomen. It has one long line up the torso, another long one down, and two smaller ones to the left and right of the center. There is a tear in his wing on the other side of the scar.

His palms, soles of his feet, and back are littered with faint scars from burn marks

Several faded marks and slashes from older fights.

A jagged, disconcertingly huge line on his chest from being impaled by a pitlord’s polearm. Don’t think about the fact it’s directly above his heart.

His back is a nightmare of whip scars. Before them, there were other scars, but they cover up any and all flesh and skin of Jasculs’ back. If it weren’t for them he’d walk around shirtless.

Claw marks above, below, and in his eyes.

Tattoos:

The arcane tattoos of the Illidari, Emerald Nightmare-red variant. They’re mostly centered around his chest and shoulder-blades, though they run down his arms as well. They’re slightly faded and need a touch-up.

One that goes from his ankle and up his shin, picturing several rose-bush branches with thorns and flowers. 

A pitch-black tattoo of a world-tree starting just above the tail bone and swiveling up the length of his back.

Piercings: He used to have many but now all the holes except for one in each earlobe has grown together. Jasculs rarely ever actually wears piercings, though. Distinguished Traits: His resting bitch face, awkward stuttering and babbling, and small, unthreatening, stubby horns.  Common Accessories:

A small leather pouch at his hip, containing various personally valuable items as well as a needle, thread, and a small bottle of disinfectant

Clean bandages around his forearms. Cliché but incredibly handy.

A blindfold made out of said bandages.

Two enchanted bracelets. They're made out of a simple, black leather, rolled up to create firm but strong threads. In the middle of each thread is a single, purple-ish pearl. When tapping them twice with two fingers or speaking the keyword - “Rakeesh”, butcher in Eredun - they transform back into their original form: one-handed swords. 

A simple ring with engraved runes. In elven form it's on his left hand ring finger and in dragon form it's on one of his horns. 

Personal --- - 

Profession(s): Professional squishy dumbass. Dad of the year. Butting into every fight where someone seems/might be overwhelmed. Sells leather, meat, fish, and other wares he compiles from skinning and fishing as well as doing various odd-jobs. Once upon a time he was a war-machine/tank for the Illidari, and you can probably still get him to be your bodyguard if for the right cause. Occasional adventurer/champion, if the cause is worth it. Hobbie(s): Cooking, gardening, napping, and reading. He’s trying to pick of knitting but, uh. It’s not going that well. Language(s): Fluent in Draconic, Thalassian, and Darnassian; almost fluent but heavily accented Common, Dwarven, Taur-ahe, and Zandali; can speak and somewhat read Orcish, Pandaren, and Draenei; can understand and speak (although with broken grammar) Eredun, Kalimag, and Nathrezim but not write or read any of them; can read, write, and somewhat brokenly understand Shath’Yar and Nazjar but pronunciation is beyond him. Skill(s): Cooking, skinning, fishing, and leatherworking; wielding glaives, one-handed swords, one-handed axes, and polearms; using bows for hunting; enhancing his own body with traits from his bound demon and various offensive, defensive, and supportive Fel spells; disguising his own form and other people's forms by use of various Fel spells. Once upon a time he could do it with nature and arcane magic as well but now it gets turned into Fel; being a bit of a dumbass; emotional socialising and creating safe spaces for people.  Residence: An unmapped mountainside in Stormheim. Birthplace: The Emerald Dream.  Religion: Elune.  Patron Deity: Elune, Ysera.  Fears:

His most intense fear is no doubt his claustrophobia, as it is so bad it can and will cause panic attacks if he cannot move freely at all times.

Losing and failing to protect his family.

Losing himself to the Nightmare or the Eredar Conqueror he's bound with.

Being forced away from his family.

Being captured by the Alliance or the Horde. Honestly, just being captured in general.

Facing the Illidari and their leaders.

Jasculs also has a never-ending paranoia that he's being watched and in danger. 

Waking up a different place than where he went to sleep.

Relationships --- - 

Spouse: Sol'alore Firewing Freemoon aka Solastrasz, belonging to @frostwyrmsfury. Children:

Kinagosa (adopted, alive), belonging to @frostwyrmsfury​.

Egg (adopted, unhatched, and fragile), co-owned with @frostwyrmsfury​.

Parents: 

Werythra Dawndream (mom, alive).

Inazeus (father, deceased).

O'Thelo Dawndream (step-dad, deceased).

Siblings: 

Andiais Dawndream (step-sister, alive but it’s complicated), belonging to @frostwyrmsfury.

Phene Dawndream (step-sibling, alive. It’s less complicated).

Livatus Dawndream (half-sibling on his mom's side, deceased).

A few half-siblings on his father's side.

Other Relatives: 

Quite a few aunts, uncles and cousins, though he has managed to keep in contact with exactly zero of them.

Feenris Duskblade (not blood related. Considers her an aunt).

Pets:

A manawyrm named Boomlio, proudly named by Kina.

A felsaber named Sæunn. She’s named after a Thorignir whose help during the 3rd Legion invasion Jasculs will always be eternally grateful for and was a gift from Illidan.

 An injured hippogryph named Thyri. 

Traits --- -

Extroverted / Introverted / In between /: Jasculs is not introverted, per se, he simply mostly keeps to his own devices. He is honestly quite extroverted, just reserved due to paranoia. 

Disorganised / Organised / In between /: He's a bit of a neat freak and loves when things are organised well and are in order, yet still manages to misplace everything and accidentally make a mess. Besides, having been out in the wild for most of his life, his general idea of "organised" is… cluttered. 

Close Minded / Open Minded / In between /: No comment here. 

Calm / Anxious / In between /: In crowds and populated areas, the back of Jasculs' mind is in a constant state of paranoia. However, he's gotten exceptionally good at handling it, and now he's usually the mildly anxious but level-headed and clear thinking one. 

Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between /: Jasculs does his best to avoid conflict and will often agree just to avoid arguing. 

Cautious / Reckless / In between /: Well, until his intelligence fails him. Jasculs is a dumbass and often gets himself into trouble on accident. He's also surrounded with troublemakers and people of varying degree of reckless, and he has to do equally or more reckless things to keep them out of danger. 

Patient / Impatient / In between /: No comment. 

Outspoken / Reserved / In between /: This entirely depends on who he's with and how comfortable he is with them. 

Leader / Follower / In between /: Weird for a Slayer, yes, but, well, he never lead anyone. He never had a say in anything and most definitely did not have a choice; he just did as he was told.

Empathetic / Apathetic / In between /: Jasculs is super emotionally charged. His emotions don't control him or make him vulnerable at all, it's simply how he lives, how he likes to live. It makes him feel fulfilled and alive and not monstrous. He's very understanding of emotions, both his own and other's, and overall have an emotionally freeing feeling about him. 

Optimistic / Pessimistic / In between /: Jasculs in neither an optimist or a pessimist, honestly. He's a realist. 

Traditional / Modern / In between /: He likes family traditions but is overall very adaptive to his surroundings and the times. There are traditional things he misses but just as many modern things he's happy have replaced traditional things. 

Hard-working / Lazy / In between /: Though Jasculs loves relaxing, he's in no way lazy. He doesn't really believe in lazy. 

Cultured / Uncultured / In between /: Over the years, Jasculs has accumulated many cultural influences, but he's never quite gotten properly cultured with any civilization. Even cultural things from the green dragons or the kaldorei tend to elude him. 

Loyal / Disloyal / In between /: No comment. 

Faithful / Unfaithful / In between /: Faith is a very conflicting topic to Jasculs. He still prays to and believes in Elune but not like he used to. There's a seething doubt in his mind about whether Elune really cares or not, and if praying to her even matters, but he tries not to listen to it. Having faith in humanity, elven kind, and all other races of Azeroth is also becoming difficult. He says he's sure they'll see their mistakes of their ways and come together to save Azeroth but he doesn't really believe it anymore. 

Assertive / Timid / In between /: Though he's not scared to assert dominance and scare away anyone who attempts to hurt himself or anyone he cares about, Jasculs is all around a rather timid and soft person. It often makes him sad that many find him scary, to which he'll whine like a hurt puppy. 

Additional Information --- - 

Smoking: Doesn't keep cigarettes on him but won't decline if he's offered one.  Alcohol: Rarely, if ever.  Drugs: He's quite too old for that.  Triggers:

Not being able to move freely and wherever he pleases is the one trigger that will always, without fail, make Jasculs crushingly uncomfortable and hyperventilate. More often that not, it causes a panic attack.

Being told to "suck it up" about an emotional issue of his, being policed and lectured about his "purpose", and people amounting his worth to how much he has done for them trigger a severe moodswing where he's incredibly irritable, sassy, and easily snaps, and then later a depressive episode of varying intensity.

Face claim: Idris Elba. Voice claim: Jasculs laughs like Mark Fishbach aka Markiplier but otherwise he has no voice claim. Theme songs: It Will Be Me by Melissa Etheridge & Want You Here by Plumb. Alignment: Chaotic / lawful good. In-game classes he takes the most after: Vengeance demon hunter, with a bit of druid, hunter, and warrior inspiration here and there.

Alt Verses --- - 

All of these can be mix-and-matched as you please!

Corrupted: The Nightmare corrupts Jasculs in Val’sharah. During a night terror, around when G’Hunn breaks out, he accidentally kills Kinagosa, Mo’hir, and Sol’alore during a night terror. It’s the last straw and Jasculs loses his mind; he reverts back to calling himself Mateus Dawndream and only finds joy in causing endless bounds of chaos.

Garden: Sol’alore dies during an attack on Dalaran. Kina and Jasculs bury him in Val’sharah and a wild, beautiful garden sprouts from his grave. They live there, and the garden is the only thing keeping Jasculs afloat in his depression.

Jassalarian: Miraculously, Malassarian survives the burning of Teldrassil, and him and J’aaris proceed to join Jasculs’ little group of found-family.

Rometh: Grand Magister Rommath joins the Illidari and, after being freed, Mateth takes extremely well to him. Rommath overthrows Orian and Kayn, and Mateth gets to go on with his life without all the main verse struggles.

RP Hooks --- -  

Demon hunter / the Illidari: Before he left was banished from the Fel Hammer, Jasculs held the title of Slayer. He was the right-hand-man of the Commander / Illidan replacement, though he had no say in much on anything. Pre-Warden imprisonment, Jasculs was more of an intimidating shadow than a person; the demon binding ritual put him in a state of emotional and mental paralysation, meaning he did nothing but follow orders. Jasculs had no say in anything and was more of a husk of a tank and war-machine rather than an actual person, but being woken up from his imprisonment and losing his siblings shook him out of that state. Your character has most likely fought against him in Outland, or heard of him if they’re a demon hunter.

Bounty: Not only was Jasculs banished from the Fel Hammer, he was also accused of being a traitor of the Alliance and a war criminal and thus had a bounty placed on his head. The Horde, wanting to have any lavage at all against the Alliance, did so as well. From the end of Legion up until a week or two into the Nazjatar and Mechagon campaign, he has been travelling the world in an attempt to keep his head out of bounty hunter’s hands. Your muse can have either helped or endangered Jasculs and his family before they settled in Stormheim. Or, y’know. Tracked him down in his new home.

Actual old but quite emotionally clever fart: Jasculs has been through many phases in his life and has met a lot of different people and has fought against and with a lot of different people. Does your muse perhaps remember him from any of the Great Wars, or even the War of the Ancients? Possibly even before the Sundering? Maybe your muse needs emotional comfort/guidance; his age has brought Jasculs an immense amount of emotional knowledge, and his general presence tends to have a calming effect on people.

Militaries: There’s not a military on the face of Azeroth Jasculs hasn’t been a part of prior to the whole Outland ordeal.

Legion: Jasculs was involved in all of the Legion campaigns and played quite a role as tank and general adventurer. He is especially remembered in Suramar, Val’sharah, Stormheim, and Argus.

Dragon: Being a green dragon, Jasculs has a natural connection with nature and thus gets along quite well with hunters and druids. On the other hand, though, his demonic energies have animals freak out and attack him in his presence, which never fails to hurt his feelings. Your muse can help him be less threatening or teach him herbalism (he’s bad at it. Like, immensely. It’s embarrassing). Is your muse a dragon or dragonsworn or maybe even a dragon hunter? Maybe they sought him and his family out, but why? Did something with the Emerald Nightmare happen?

Self-proclaimed bodyguard: Not only does Jasculs attract trouble like a magnet attracts metal, he also has quite the habit of being in the area when other people attract it. He’s paranoid and devoted to keeping other people safe, even if they’re strangers; if your muse gets in trouble, Jasculs will more than happily jump in, whether his help is asked for or not, and even if he doesn’t know what’s going on.

OOC INFORMATION --- - 

where i roleplay: discord and tumblr. jasculs can be found at @hugs-not-anonymous while follows and likes come from @foxfictioncentral. what im looking for:

action & adventure rp

connections of all sorts (business, friends, enemies, familial, what have you)

slice of life

emotionally charged rp

mostly long-term connections

pre-established relationships

angst

what i wont do: explicit sexual content, self-harm, suicide, torture, and addiction, as well as excessive gore (as in all the former things are okay if not explicit, but excessive gore is just. yuck).

i mainly write multi-paragraphs style as i have a tendency to vomit words, but i won't say no to rping with different styles. my writing is very emotion heavy, and my favorite thing to write is emotionally challenging stuff. give me all the angst, tho i write p much anything

useful links: about || relationships || verses || promo || starter call

other muse blogs: @conflictedenergies​ @once-upon-a-memoir​

mun blogs: @foxfictioncentral​ @jcfoxington​ @arcticartings​

[peopleneverchangeatall]

Situational Confusion

So here we are again, at the beginning of another long train of thought by me. Last time I left you, I was in a great place in life. While I doesn’t always stay that way, I am still happy in my relationship and don’t want any of that to change. There are so many things that can surface after years of forgetting. For some people, there are dark and grim memories that were better left forgotten. For me, as always, it’s a little bit more complicate than that.

While I have always been very aware of my childhood, my feelings, thoughts and actions, I could never actually admit or accept it. It’s like it was always hidden right in front of me even though I knew it was there. Would it be ignorance? Would that be denial? I guess it would be both in my case. For years I always knew what fucked me up. I could almost pin point exactly what event in my life changed my outlook and where the change in me began. I prided myself on being very self aware.

What I learned now is that while yes, I was self aware, I failed completely in every other aspect. The events that form our life aren’t our choices, we only react. Our choices do not always define everything about us but they do change your life to some extent. There is nothing wrong with us for reacting they way we did. Only how we fix it in our adult life.

From the age of 12, I knew I got very angry, sometimes for no reason. At first I thought it was just frustration from playing hard video games or other people pushing my buttons. For a while, it was new to me and I didn’t understand. By the time I hit 16 and got black out drunk on some JD and drunk me started balling my eyes out, sober me had a realization. What drunk me felt was hearing the news that a friend of mine at the time, had attempted suicide. I felt extreme remorse for the fact that I knew I had been a bully to him physically, as well as to other people. Now while I wasn’t the typical bully, hurting everyone in sight, I chose to bully my friends. For a few years in middle school, I was a huge bully. But after that drunken blackout, I vowed to myself that I would never do that again, I have kept that promise to this day over a decade later.

This didn’t stop the anger, hate, frustration, pain, sadness and pure rage to keep building until the boiling point I have now reached.

I had kept under control for years after the JD incident, but I let go for just a moment when I was 19. My father had told me that a girl I was friends with was a whore, was using me and that I was completely blind to that.

Now to explain, I had dated this girl for 6 months in junior/senior year and she introduced me to sexual activities. We had broken up and been friends for 2 almost 3 years at that point and I wanted to be friends with her. After we broke up, I had dated other people for a few months and didn’t have any feelings left for her other than wanting a friend.

So of course when he told me, in front of her, that she lied about forgetting her school work(uni or summer school math class or something) to use me and that she was a whore, I flipped, left his house with her and kicked a wooden fence as hard as I could. And for just about 10 seconds, I felt all the anger I had been keeping inside all this time. I felt the rush and satisfaction of just letting go. That feeling will always stay with me as it is the reminder that anger can feel amazing but that it causes so much destruction every time. I suppressed my feelings for years after that, and it has come back to haunt me now as I have entered the greatest possible relationship I will ever have.

Here is where it gets really hard, and for all of those in the opposite side of this situation, I am deeply regretful of my role in this pain. I don’t know if I will or can ever stop hating myself for this but I hope to find at least some happy medium between all of this.

Before I reveal my greatest shame, let me explain. I have a massive anger problem. It stems from a divorce that happened as I was conceived. It comes from being put in the middle by both parents, and never feeling like my choices mattered to my father and even later in life my mother. He told me that I didn’t want to be “just average”, the biggest insult in his dictionary, got mad at me for not telling him his ex wife(my mother) of 20 years saved money for me to go to college when he didn’t and was supposed to, from also telling me that I would never go back to school and be “average” because I wanted to work for a year since I had no money at all for college and didn’t know what I wanted to study anyways and feeling like I would be a loser if I didn’t pick something right away. This developed from me telling my father that I loved something and his response being that I actually don’t and I would act differently if I did. It stems from a sense of conflict of trying to please everyone but myself. Maintaining the status quo for my father for 4 years because he would “leave and never come back” if his kids couldn’t or wouldn’t see him. I am angry because I was put in the middle of every family problem and I grew up too quick because of it.

Having to put aside my feelings to be the rock for my mother, keep calm and reason with one sister during her troubled years as my dad couldn’t even handle being a parent to her for more than one day and tried to pawn her off on my mom. It comes from growing up with a father telling me that my sisters and I can’t see the truth and our mother brainwashed us and one day we will understand everything.

Having to put aside my anger when my family decided to vilify my current partner, act like she is the worst thing to happen to me and that she kept me from friends that I willingly decided to ignore since they disrespected me is probably what triggered all of my extreme anger. They decided to believe this ugly and false narrative over who my fiance was as a person and attempt to discredit their very own morals that simply tore us apart. I couldn’t stand the fact that after everything our family had been through, after we had stuck by each other through everything a family can endure aside death and crippling accidents and illnesses that they decided to behave exactly like the man that tore my self esteem apart while also building this rage that boiled to my very core. The belief that I cannot think for myself, can’t see the truth and that they are the only ones who can stop me from having just an average relationship and an average life created this monster inside of me. I resented them, myself, but most importantly my own partner. I became my own worst nightmare. I hurt the very one I loved the most.

Anger can feel so powerful when you left it out. Yelling, insulting, when you start to hear the tears, the sobbing and hurt that you inflicted and keep going is truly the most powerful feeling. Except this isn’t good power, oh no, this is the corrupting power. It’s the power that only tears you up inside from every angle. The kind of power that destroys everything you stand for and destroys your very integrity.

I became a very hard person to be in a relationship with. I was uncompromising, held double standards and played the victim. I was a bully, an emotional bully though. One that worked in the shadows to undermine and hurt while also never actually believing what you did wrong. While I cannot excuse how I treated my partner ever, I can only seek to understand and move forward. I have made them cry so much, I can only feel like my angry side likes to push it that far.

The truth is that all of this is me, the good and the bad. Like in all of us, the potential for wrong is always there, but it is our ability to continue/choose to do the right thing and correct our mistakes that makes us truly good people.

We must never overlook the good inside each and every one of us. While people may never change, it depends from what perspective in time you observe. If they have always been liars, cheaters and manipulators, sadly they may never change and we must know when our energy is wasted. But for the ones like me that grew up as a sweet, caring, young teen and made the best of life despite the troubles they endured but got so hurt along the way they are a little broken inside; well we have to learn to change, know that it is okay and possible and okay if we don’t quite love all of ourselves.

True happiness will come from finally being able to tell yourself exactly who you are and not make excuses but being able to say, I am going to fix this, I will be happy and I deserve this.