#you cannot define art. especially not through 'laws' or 'ethics'

[foxpunk]

talking points about AI art that actually have meaning:

what constitutes ethically sourced data sets?

is it possible to regulate datasets?

if so, how do we do so ethically while respecting artists?

how will ai art affect the field of art?

how will ai art affect careers?

if you wish to do so, how can you incorporate ai into your art process?

if you wish to do so, how do you keep your art out of datasets?

talking points about ai that don't mean jack shit:

is it REAL art?

we need to increase copyright laws and restrictions.

how do we prove whether or not an image is ai generated?

[smdictionary]

A.I. Art is NOT Art!

Recently, artificial intelligence “art” has become increasingly popular. People pay a couple bucks, pop in some pictures of themselves and a computer spits out some fancy images of them. It’s beautiful, and really cool, right? WRONG! Artificial intelligence “art” is not art, nor is it able to be!

On a surface level, artificial intelligence cannot create art simply because art requires creativity. To put it even more simply, the word art is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “the conscious use of skill and creative imagination especially in the production of aesthetic objects,” and anyone can see through this definition that a computer program cannot create any art that upholds the true definition of art. These programs are not conscious, do not have any sort of skill and, as previously stated, cannot have creativity or imagination. As the name suggests, these programs are artificial, meaning their “ideas” are not real as there is no real thought behind them. The whole goal of art is expressionism through visual factors and by taking the expression out of art, you no longer have proper art!

Secondly, there are many factors surrounding the ethics of these websites and applications. Artificial intelligence works through collecting data, analyzing it, and spitting out whatever result is desired after finding patterns in this data. Now how does this apply in an artistic sense? An A.I. art program collects hundreds of thousands of images online, many of which are copyrighted pieces with hours of work put into them, and essentially collages these pieces together with the images you submit in order to give you a final image. There’s the obvious borderline illegal issue involving copyright and copyright laws, and then there’s the major ethical issue of actual human artists having their work stolen! While copyright laws can be very complicated, the basic information you need to know is that as an artist, you automatically own the copyright to your work so long as it is an original work of art and does not heavily reference an image not taken or made by you. Unlike human artists, an artificial intelligence cannot create an authentic piece of work. It can only take existing works and reuse the existing data it finds. This is incredibly unethical as it leaves many artists without work and with their existing work going uncompensated. Think of it this way, how would you feel if you finished an 8 hour shift at work and your manager informed you that the company was actually unable to pay you your day’s wages? Awful, right? You’d immediately think “that’s illegal!” and that’s because it is! It is illegal to take someone’s time and resources and use them for your own personal gain without compensation. Artificially created “art” programs do exactly this. Seems pretty bad now, right?

Finally, A.I. art is nothing more than another money grab, a capitalistic scheme. You’ve definitely heard of the “starving artist” stereotype before. It’s something I quite commonly hear of as an art student myself. The easiest way to eliminate this stereotype would be to simply pay artists what they’re worth! When it comes to art, you get what you pay for. Art can typically be two of three things: accessible, good, and cheap. If you want accessible and good art, you’ll have to pay an artist, but there’s no guarantee it’ll be cheap. Good and cheap art is typically not something readily accessible, as artists are well aware of the value of their work. Lastly, accessible and cheap art, which in this case I will be associating to A.I. “art”, cannot, will not, and will never be good. Good art comes from hours of work, lots of practice, and a proper, human artist with human creativity. You cannot fabricate that no matter how hard you try.

To conclude, PAY ARTISTS! Artists are real people, these are our real jobs, and our work is being stolen by these programs, which then sell it to you for a low price and with low quality. Artificial intelligence continues to steal jobs, kill creativity, and cater to the capitalistic value of getting things done cheaply and quickly. There’s a lot of value in the work artists do and if you have even a shred of decency, please consider paying an artist friend, relative or acquaintance for your fancy portraits. I can promise you, the work is worth the price and the result will be a beautiful, original and authentic piece that you can truly call your own. Down with the artificial intelligence, artists deserve better!

[oneistoxnetwork]

5 Reasons You Need to Upskill to be a Better Designer (Be Future Ready)

With the multidisciplinary field that design is, no amount of skills are too many. It is now an established practice to gain knowledge by taking up online design courses or doing individual research. To define this phenomenon, the term ‘Upskilling’ has been frequently used in recent times, but what exactly is it?

 To put it simply, Upskilling is getting better at what you do. It is upgrading your knowledge (both theoretical and practical) of the subjects that may be directly or indirectly related to the field you’re working in.

 Let’s look back at the past!

The design field is diversifying and merging indistinguishably with other fields, demanding more multi-talented professionals. Looking back at history, the greatest of designers were popular in their times and even now for being skilled in numerous fields and contributing to society at large. Leonardo Da Vinci, one of the most multi-talented people to walk on earth, was a skilful artist, mathematician, sculptor, architect, scientist, and astronomer. His works turned to be an inspiration for the later generation of polymaths, rivalled only by Michelangelo, his contemporary. These figures gave rise to the term ‘Renaissance Men’, with the ideal that said “a man can do all things if he will.” 

Even apart from design, there have been several such personnel with an eagerness to be everything at once. Aristotle, the famous Greek Philosopher, was a brilliant writer. His works covered subjects like poetry, music, theatre, rhetoric, politics, ethics and even biology. He was also the teacher of Alexander the Great, who, as we all know, was one of the biggest conquerors of all times.

 Issac Newton is not a foreign name to anyone in the field of science. Celebrated for his contributions to physics (theory of gravity and laws of motions), this English scientist was also an astronomer, alchemist, philosopher and theologian. His works laid the foundation for the progress of later generations of scientists, particularly Sir Stephen Hawking.

What’s happening now?

 Increasing technology and resources have brought about specialisations in various fields of study. With specialists coming up in every sector, the number of all-rounders have been gradually decreasing.

 But we know that history has always admired and valued multi-skilled people. Despite the revolutions taking place, traces of this admiration can still be seen, especially in the field of Film-making and Design. Actors are no longer expected to just act and film-makers are no longer expected to just direct. The best of the rest are those who are not only great at their primary skills but also good at other 21st century skills required in the field. A good example from the modern-day is FarhanAkhtar, an Indian actor, film-maker, producer, playback singer, screenwriter and television host. He is celebrated by the Indian audience for having proved his versatility time and again.

Similarly, design practices that do not adhere to just one type of product are more popular than the rest as they have a wider clientele and user base and strive for continuous experimentation and upgrade. With a complex network of professionals worldwide, multipotentiality is appreciated.

 Thus, the need for all-rounders and design upskilling is emerging again.

 [Read: The Assets of Success: 13 Golden Skills in Design to Master]

 Multipotentiality

 Now, what exactly does it mean to have multipotentiality?

It is the trait of a person

having interests in two or more fields of study

and curiosity to learn and excel at them. Such people are called ‘multipotentialites’ which is the opposite of

‘specialists’ and is used interchangeably with ‘polymaths’. They are required in almost every field; science, art, technology, medicine, business, commerce, etc.

 Multipotentialites are valued for their fast learning skills and adaptability. Organisations are always keen to acquire individuals who can bring dynamism, novelty, enthusiasm and variety to work-places. Such professionals are also favoured to undertake leadership roles as they are better at empathising and understanding a broader set of situations, people and their perspectives.

 It is great to be a specialist, but even better to be good at many other skills along with one. It is time to be the Jack of all trades AND master of one! 

The changing times demand multi-faceted individuals to bring in innovative design solutions. Gradually, the need for regular upskilling comes up, whether through online design courses or through experiential learning.

 Here are 5 reasons designers needs to upskill themselves:

 1.      To Fill the Skill Gap

As fellow designers, most of us can collectively agree that there is still a huge gap between our design education system and the practice. The system lacks the capacity to make students industry-ready, leaving them with little to no practical knowledge.

In the current scenario, students opting fordesign upskilling are constantly at an advantage compared to the rest, be it academically or professionally.

  A lot of independent platforms have emerged that have recognised this gap and aim to fill it by offering learning to interested individuals, especially in the field of architecture with

1.      To Have a Better Career and Job Prospects

 It is no mystery that design establishments tend to hire aspirants with a broader range of skills. It is good to master one skill, but is it good enough?

  With the increasing competition in the design field, there is more demand for

professionals who are adept at handling a variety of tasks

. For example, someone who is great at 3D modelling should also be able to manage an entire project if needed. The design industry has become experimental and welcomes multi-talented people with open arms. InitiativesWith the increasing competition in the design field, there is more demand for professionals who are adept at handling a variety of tasks. For example, someone who is great at 3D modelling should also be able to manage an entire project if needed. The design industry has become experimental and welcomes multi-talented people with open arms. Initiatives are being taken across the globe to recruit individuals who can perform multiple tasks instead of hiring someone just to perform one task. Naturally, such versatile individuals bring more to the organisation while making more for themselves. 1.      To Progress in the Field A broader skill-set gets you better job opportunities, but what happens once you are into the field? Design Upskilling doesn’t stop once you’ve earned a job. You need to keep honing your skills and adding to the existing ones for your professional development. In the design industry, multi-skilled professionals are more likely to be given positions of responsibility and develop trust. Moreover, individuals with a zeal to constantly enhance their skills, adding more value to the team, progress faster than others in their career trajectory. Hence, adding more to your design skill plate will give you an upper hand at any point in your career. If you are a working professional, now is the time to upskill, rise and shine!

(Source: www.giphy.com)https://giphy.com/gifs/l1Kua6X2X3t9bSlNK/html5[Alt Text: GIF of a cartoon show, spongebobsquarepants, with the words “I’m ready”] 2.      To Stay Relevant to the Changing Times Modern problems require modern solutions. It is obvious that one cannot run a design practice efficiently with obsolete techniques. Things that were considered awesome in the yesteryears may be completely outdated now. To align with the demands of the current world it is necessary to update,upskill and improve.  Globalisation and digitisation have paved the way for several new domains in the field of design. From UI-UX design to Urban Planning, the good designers always have a fair idea of the advances happening in the field. Even clients are now getting more familiar with design as a profession and its importance, with a wide range of resources to facilitate awareness. Being on par with the rapidly altering world and understanding the contemporary necessities will give designers the kind of expertise needed to meet the requirements of today’s user base. Change is the only constant! 

(Source: www.quotemaster.org)https://www.quotemaster.org/architecture+students[Alt Text: Image of a sketch with a drafting board and two people standing in front of it, one of them saying “I haven’t much experience of such an early version of autocad”] 3.      To Start Out On Your Own It takes a great deal of skill to start practising as an independent designer or going for an entrepreneurial venture. The most difficult part, which is the beginning, can become easier if you have what it takes.  The field of design is connected to and borrows from many others. Starting a design practice not only requires field-related knowledge but also inter-disciplinary skills like business management, automation, digital communication, etc. If you aim to eventually start on your own, acquiring know-how and soft skills is essential. Multi-skilled individuals can then collaborate with many different kinds of people to deliver fantastic results. A skilful leader makes a skilful team! 

(Source: www.codycameron.com)https://codycameron.com/are-you-my-leader/[GIF showing popular animated character buzz lightyear surrounded by alien midgets] From filling the skill-gaps to practising design independently, we have reached full circle. The current pandemic situation has been harsh on us all. On the bright side, a lot of education platforms have come to light, inspiring individuals to make use of their time at home by taking up online design courses. Thanks to digitisation, it is now easier than ever to connect with individuals across the world! Thus, there has been a boom in the past year in the way people learn new skills. The growing give-and-take of knowledge around the world is turning designers into all-rounders with the skills necessary to tackle modern problems. So, if you are keen on trying something new, expanding your skillset and being future-ready, then check out these avenues for design upskilling and online architecture courses by Oneistox! 

[ramrodd]

Was the Bible Edited? Yes. COMMENTARY:

History, for me, is a subset of literature and literature begins as narrative.

As a literature major (well, actually, I was an ROTC major, but I had to do another 13 hours a semester to make it a legitimate field of study, even if Indiana University didn't offer a degree in the military arts and sciences. When it comes to process theology, that's what I was doing at IU), I studied a lot of history, especially around the Romantic poets around the time the American revolution fulfilled Romans 13:1 - 7 with the US Constitution. George Washington was the 2nd Coming in the eyes of Europe, especially as it translated to the imaginations of people like Lord Byron and his squad. I wasn't interested in how History was put together because I could study how the Bible is put together and transfer the processes to the facts-based reconstruction of measurable events.

Here's the thing:  I have had a working relationship with the Holy Spirit since 1954 and, as it regards the existential nature of Jesus as a validation of the God Hypothesis, it's not open to argument. I mean, the parachute is an illustration of the difference between faith and trust. When you leave a perfectly good airplane before it has been chocked up at the loading gate, you have perfect trust based on experiential knowledge that gravity is going to work. In the real world, there is a 99% chance that the parachute is going to work, but the nature of the universe is that the connection between "Free Will" and "Probability" is absolute, so, there must always be the 1% "Titanic" Factor. It is always a leap of faith when you have the choice to not leap that the coincidence of that 1% and Murphy's Law will not occur just because you are such a wonderful person and God won't let it happen.

When it comes to Probability, God doesn't have a vote. That's the observable metric reflecting the absolute nature of Free Will in the dynamics of the human condition.  There is absolutely no apriori knowledge of The One in the individual human conscious and unconscious. There is no god-sized hole in the human psyche. My experience with the Soviets has convinced me they were the only true Athiests in History: if there was a god-sized hole in their indiviudual and collective unconscious, they filled it with Marx because they fell in love with his ideas. Marxists, universally, have been heart-broken at the manifest failure of Marxism as a rational response to Romans 13:1 - 7. As Putin observes, Marxism is a fairytale.

One of the substitutes for the mind of God in Marxism is the operation of Probability, because it may not be a "material" element of human enterprise, but it has a measurable and material effect on the outcomes from its operation. In the final analysis, Probability is as reliable an existential anchor as a north seeking arrow.

So, when I study the literature of the Bible not as history but as the mind of the God at work, history is a useful tool to understand how what history is lining up, nice and neat, is actually playing in the culture. For me, reading or listening to Biblical scripture being read is like pulling divine dental floss through my mind, removing the rot of the carnal nature of the human condition. This is not true of the Quran. The difference between the Bible and the Quran is that the Bible can be translated into virtually any language and the music will emerge from the narrative. The music of the Quran is entirely in Arabic.  I presume that just letting the Arabic flow through your consciousness as it is read by a lover of the Arabic will have the same dental floss effect but without the deep data qualities of the meaning conveyed by the narrative of the Bible. My guess is that the sounds of the Arabic have the same elegance as the caligraphy of the written word, but I'm not convinced there is the coherent epistemology of the Biblical narrative.

Which brings us back to Free Will. From the perspective of the author of The Gospel According to Mark, the Jewish notion of sin originating in women didn't clash with their cultural expectations, but it was hardly central to their thinking. "Free Will" is the central issue of the Stoics and the play ground of the Epicurians, but both of them as essential aspects of Duty as the singular source of Honor. In the Ranger School, there was a motivational sign in the bayonet obstacle course that defines the Ranger ethic: Instant Obedience and Self-Discipline, the Stoic/Epicurian paradox of the republican servant leader.

The thing is, "Free Will" can be an intellectual cul-de-sac if the individual will not or cannot voluntarily allow the boundaries of consciousness to become sufficiently porous to let the Holy Spirit contribute directly to your welfare as an on-going relationship.

I mean, when I study the Bible as an object like you study recorded facts, it's impossible to not see the Holy Ghost in operation. But when I study the Bible as history in the manner you present, I can understand how anti-theists get their traction and why Bart Ehrman might been authentically atheist as opposed to apostate: he never had an experience of The One for reasons I can't imagine.

The paradox of Free Will is that we do, in fact, have a great deal of a priori data, especially Number and Topology. In the Beginning of human society, there was The Word, but, before the Word was, Number IS. And Topology is the mathematics of both the unconscious and the mind of God. It's the whole basis of process theology and applied epistemology. And Number and Topology allow the psyche to acquire data from beyond the horizons of the personal Free Will, with or without the reliance upon the Holy Spirit or the existence of The One. Marxism proves that and Marxism has demonstrated, historically, that Atheism is a barren universe.

Just as an aside, Marxism can be understood as an attack on Locke's formulation of life, liberty and property as a legitimate social engineering if property is understood as being theft. Marxism is actually a creature of the American Revolution (Washington as Heroic in the Lord Byron Romantic Ideal of the Elgin Marbles) and he basically adopts Jefferson's Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness as the antidote to Locke but with a rigidly anti-entrepreneurial system of social norms: The People, the State and Revolution of the Worker-Hero as Lord Byron Romantic Ideal.

When someone like Richard Carrier claims to examine Jesus by scientific methods, he is announcing his embrace of a Marxist Dialectic wholly dependent upon Probability as Universal Truth and Free Will as a bastion of Reason and rational inquiry. The Jesus Seminar is basically Marxist Dialetic misapplied to the deconstruction of the Roman experience of the totally unexpected supernatural phenomena of resurrection. Cornelius and Pilate didn't have the Gospel According to Mark to refer to when Jesus rose from the dead. What they did have was the basic core intelligence portfolio of what was to become as massive covert library on Jesus and the resulting Jesus movement of the Q source.

It was Yaweh, Queen of Battle, who ordered Abraham to bind Isaac and it was God the Father, who walked in the Garden of Eden in the evening twilight who provided the substitute sacrifice. The binding of Isaac is a study in the nature of Duty when Free Will is submitted to the Will of The One and Probability is suspended. It is the source of the dramtic tension in A Man for All Seasons. -

Cornelius recognized that in Jesus, that submission to authority. Jesus was surprised to discover it in Cornelius when He was having trouble finding it in His closest associates to say nothing of Israel, generally. In the final analysis, The Gospel According to Mark is a polemic promoting the Holy Spirit as the key to transforming the intellectual prison of the impermeable boundaries of Free Will to the infinite horizons and cosmic Tabula Rasa of the mind of The One.

History can't take you there. The music of narrative is your ticket to paradise

[bellatrix-whoisleft]

General Information

Full Legal Name: Bellatrix Black Nickname: Bella for family, Bellatrix for absolutely anyone else. Never Trixie. Age: 19 Gender & Pronouns: Cisgender Female / she/her Sexuality: Heterosexual Aromantic Date of Birth: November 10, 1958 Horoscope: Scorpio Hogwarts House: Slytherin. Nationality: British & French Occupation: Publicly, she works part-time for the Magical Archives, sorting through old spellbooks and cross-checking accounts on the evolution of magic. Privately, she helps manage the Black family’s shadier affairs. Confidentially, most of her time is spent with the Death Eaters. Summarized in One Word: Indomitable 

Appearance

Faceclaim: Katie McGrath Height: 5 feet, 8 inches Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Green Noticeable Features: Aside from the classic Black good looks, her eyes are striking. She demands eye contact, and it isn’t just because of her personality but an inability to look anywhere else. They’re also where she looks most like Andromeda. Typical Outfit or General Fashion Sense: Bellatrix is immaculately dressed whenever she leaves the house. From intricate cloaks to perfectly fitted dresses, elegant robes, and trim pants, the common factor is she never looks anything less than perfect. Every last piece has been tailored, and her style is unified by how put together she is. 

History

Hometown: She is from Bath, growing up in one of the many homes owned by the Black family. She still spends a portion of her time there, but even before their engagement, she has been spending more time in a townhouse in London with Rodolphus. It’s much easier to hide her involvement with the Cause when she isn’t under the same roof as those she’s trying to keep it from.

Financial Status: Bellatrix has never wanted for anything in her life, and she never will. The Blacks are the kind of wealthy where they could stop working, and they could last generations while maintaining that lifestyle. The goal is to upkeep it forever and depleting even virtually limitless funds does not present a good public face, so they still have—often shady—sources of income. They’re old money, as true as they come, and it secures their quality of life, philanthropic efforts, and ability to take time away from conventional work as needed.

Spoken Languages: Bellatrix has an ear for languages, picking them up well and emphasizing learning them. She’s truly fluent in English and French to the degree of thinking in either. She can speak German, and if she was so inclined, Latin, and can read bits and pieces of others.

Dream Job: Bellatrix was not a child who grew up with dreams of being a magizoologist or an artist. She had aspirations of being notable, of playing their sociopolitical games, and she is living that prevalence to a degree. Now, she wants a hand in crafting the new world order next to the Dark Lord. It is difficult to imagine a dream job when you aspire to overhaul society.

Bad Habits: She relentlessly bites the inside of her left cheek to the point where it has scar tissue. Her wand is almost always in her hand—which many find disconcerting—and she will flip it or twirl it through her fingers subconsciously. When she’s injured, she can’t stop herself from touching the wounds, poking and prodding and feeling the pain. There’s also a pesky anger problem, but she has a good outlet for it in torture and destruction.

Family Background

Mother: Druella Black nee Rosier Father: Cygnus Black III Siblings: Andromeda and Narcissa Black Pets: None. This is for the best. Grandparents: Irma and Pollux Black; Vinda and Philippe Rosier Cousins: Does she ever have them. Sirius and Regulus on their father’s side, and Evan on their mother’s are the ones she sees most often given they all went to Hogwarts together. There are more, especially on the French side, and once second and third cousins are counted, it’s often easier to assume someone is related than not. 

Magical Abilities

Wand: Walnut. Dragon Heartstring. 12 ¾”. Unyielding. Notable bend just about her grip.

Patronus: Bellatrix cannot and will never be able to cast a patronus. Memories of her sisters, particularly those on Christmas, are all she can think to use to conjure it. She’s happiest there, giving and embracing the warmth of the moment, and it angers her that it’s never been enough. As she keeps corrupting, she gets further from the spell and Dementors slowly grow into a fear even before Azkaban because they are on a very short list of obstacles she can do nothing about. If she could, it would be a Pheasant. They’re regal birds that have long been held as a symbol of refinement. While they don’t always flash their plumage like a peacock, they maintain a high standard of etiquette in all situations. Their pride can lead them to trouble, but they do care deeply for family.

Boggart: It manifests as her being the only one left on the Black family tree. Bellatrix isn’t concerned that it will happen or that she will be left alone, not really, but it represent the fear she will be the only one left fighting. For what’s right, for her family, for what she believes in. With time, it evolves into a dementor: the best representation she has of her powerlessness.

OWLs: Astronomy, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, History of Magic, Potions, Transfiguration, Ancient Runes, Herbology: her only E NEWTs: Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, History of Magic, Potions, Transfiguration, Ancient Runes, Astronomy: she got an A because she felt seven years of the class was absurd

What Kind of Magic Do They Excel At: Bellatrix is outstanding at the Dark Arts. They have always resonated with her as the most powerful form of magic, and she drives herself incredibly hard to learn everything she can about them. She has the resolve to not be ruined by the practice as some are, the creativity to combine it with more conventional magic, and the inherent ability to perform such difficult spells. Her tireless work ethic helps, but this is her sweet spot. It translates well into dueling and other aspects of her life, but this is the core. She also shines with her Occlumency and Transfiguration abilities, and across the board, she is a truly formidable witch and getting stronger every day.

Psychology

MB Type: ISTJ-A / The Logistician

Their defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic, and tireless dedication to duty make Logisticians a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold traditions, rules, and standards.

Ennegram: The Challenger

Goal-oriented and self-competent, challengers trail blaze boldly through all walks of life and take great pride in their independence and sharp minds. […] As children, the may have been called bossy by their peers. They typically take charge during group projects or meetings and find themselves at ease in leadership positions. The opinions of others will have absolutely no effect on their standings upon an issue, as they pride themselves on being fully capable and self-sufficient.

Moral Alignment: Lawful Evil

A lawful evil villain methodically takes what she wants within the limits of her code of conduct without regard for whom it hurts. She cares about tradition, loyalty, and order but not about freedom, dignity, or life. She plays by rules but without mercy or compassion. She is comfortable in a hierarchy and would like to rule but is willing to serve.

Archetype: 

61% Royal 22% Intellectual 17% Visionary

Temperament: Choleric

Choleric people are leader and directors. They seek to be in control of situations, to be on top, to be the best.

[safa-120358]

Media Representation For Social Classes

Name: Safa Salim Al Jaafari

ID: 120358

Date: 8 April 2019

A social class is a set of subjectively defined concepts in the social sciences and political theory centered on models of social stratification in which people are grouped into a set of hierarchical social categories, the most common being the upper, middle and lower classes.

How are different social classes represented on entertainment, advertising, and news media?

The upper class is the social class composed of people who hold the highest social status, usually are the wealthiest members of society, and wield the greatest political power.

Entertainment : They appear in serials and movies that they own wealth through work and effort. They own luxury homes and luxury cars. They are highly educated and experienced professionals motivated by adventure and love of progress. Also, more time is spent out of the home, and more hours are devoted to expressive activities such as reading, art, music, exercise, or serving the community.                                          Example: lovers despite divorce a Kuwaiti series. The character of actor Nasser al-Dosari is Bassam, a rich blogger man who managers his father's company and shows richness in his luxury car and his clothes.

Advertising:  The rich appear in the ads as having everything so they do not lack any need either from a luxury house or another model car or clothing of a certain brand and if they lack something they can easily get it.In addition to their appearance that they live with all comfort and love where there are no family problems   Example:This ad it shows the difference in social class by what one is wearing. One side of the ad has a white, blond, gorgeous woman wearing Versace. Also you can imply that she is the owner of the estate because if she can afford to wear Versace, she is rich. 

  News media : The media show the "rich" as being of high morals and good behavior so that they do not harm people and they do good. For example they  providing financial aid to the poor and the needy.

The middle class is a class of people in the middle of a social hierarchy. The very definition of the term "middle class" is highly political and vigorously contested by various schools of political and economic philosophy. 

Entertainment : In most of the series and films they are portrayed as middle and professional craftsmen who are interested in their lives, supplementing their homes with equipment. The housewives in this area boast good housekeeping, child care and guidance. They are interested in news and rumors about the economic conditions prevailing in the country, and they are good followers of television and programs. They have social stability. Example: If a person of the middle class will have some extra money that he can spend to meet needs beyond the basics, such as buying a toy for a child or perhaps going to a restaurant or cinema. Going on vacation and traveling by plane to meet friends or family members.

 Advertising: The middle class is concentrated in the categories of professionals and specialists such as doctors, lawyers, engineers and other specialized professions, as well as small and medium traders and businessmen. They hope to live a decent life and rid themselves of the fears of falling into extreme poverty.

News media: They are represented as peaceful people whose sole purpose is to secure their livelihood. The most successful people in the community are also recognized as the role model and proud of them.

The lower class : the working class (or laboring class) comprises those engaged in waged or salaried labor, especially in manual-labor occupations and industrial work.

 Entertainment : They make up workers who are hard-working, unprofessional, often work for their immediate needs, especially food. They buy what they need every day and repeat it with available financial resources. They have despair, poverty and anger. Certainly, more extravagant lifestyles are not available to members of the lower social classes, because they do not have the resources to pursue them They are also portrayed as criminals and sinister and are the basis for the spread of drugs and contraband. For example in most Gulf series : members of this class work in factories and farms, secondary education is widely distributed, when they buy any commodity with a high price are in a financial crisis and get it from time to time. Example : The fictional character Homer Simpson of The Simpsons who is depicted as a dumb stupid man lacks education and morals.

Advertising: lower-class women wake up earlier in the morning and feel they can get by with less sleep. A chronic dilemma of the working-class household is the conflict between the tendency to stay up to watch television and the need to rise earlier than those who keep normal office hours.

News media: The members of this class are shown in the media in the context of the presentation of a humanitarian case requesting assistance or someone in a predicament who cannot get out of it because it does not have the financial capacity. 

What impact do these representations have on opportunities/possibilities for real individuals of different classes in their personal and professional lives?

 When you see class discrimination in movies and television programs, people are influenced and believe that things are similar to real life in whatever class they are. The media has a great impact on the world currently and can highlight something like class discrimination from multiple angles. People with limited income are often portrayed in the media as dirty people who lack education and ethics and are usually homeless. On both sides, people receive what they see, whether true or not, as they believe what they want to believe. In some classes, some people who have been badly portrayed in the media are affected by schools and social life. 

Understanding: The social class refers to the division of individuals into a social sequence based on wealth, income, education, employment, and the social network. As in social classes, the difference in social situations between people determines how they behave towards each other and the prejudices they hold toward each other. People of the upper class usually do not mix with people from the lower class and often manage to control people's activities by enacting influential laws and social norms.

[enst1000bk]

Earth is Dying and Scientists Need Help to Fix It

In the last chapter the textbook identifies that there is a problem, the Earth is dying, and the second chapter opens up by highlighting the people trying to fix it- scientists! The textbook introduces the readers to the scientific method so they can better understand how scientists approach problems, and uses the case study of Bormann and Likens as an example of the process. In this, they find that trees help soil stay in place and the soil helps trees retain water and nutrients. Next, the textbooks introduces useful skills that a scientists should have and while most seem pretty arbitrary, there were a few that stuck out because I had never thought of them as skills related to the science community. For instance, creativity always seems like a good trait to have in the arts for obvious reasons but it never occurred to me that a scientist would need to be creative in order to come up with new hypotheses and ways to test them. Another important point the book brought up is to check for the legitimacy of information, especially since we live in the day and age of the Internet. I just thought this was interesting because I’ve never seen an academic source like a textbook mention something like that and for some reason it struck me as being oddly self-aware. Next, they go on to talk about scientific theory and why scientific theories are to be regarded with respect and should never be taken lightly. I like that the book brought this up and it reminds me of when people try to debunk evolution “just because it is a theory and not a fact”. I always like to remind people that gravity is just a theory as well; as this goes to show how widely accepted scientific theories are and should be. In order for a hypothesis to be proven true, it must go through many tests to determine the validity. When a hypothesis has been tested and becomes widely accepted by a group of experts in a given field, they reach a scientific consensus and the hypothesis is regarded as a theory. To close out the beginning section of this chapter, the textbook brings up five limitations of science. These are less about what science is good and useful for and more about what it can’t do. They are: human error, proving something absolutely, many complex variables, statistical tools, and ethics.

Now that the textbook has taken care of what it takes to be scientists, it’s finally time to get into environmental studies! Well, sort of… before we can start studying the environment we need to understand what it’s made of. In order to do so the textbook takes us on a quick trip through the basic of chemistry and explains the building blocks of life around us (Thankfully it’s just a short one, AP Chemistry was my least favorite class in high school). Life is made up of tiny molecules of things called atoms. Each atom is made up of a unique number of positively charged protons (unique for each element), and also contains negatively charged electrons and neutrally charged neutrons. The combination of protons and neutrons gives an atom its atomic mass number, and the amount of electrons an atom has determines its charge. Atoms that lose an electron become positive isotopes and those that gain an electron become negative isotopes. All of these things put together create matter, and matter makes up every observable thing in the universe. Cool, done with chemistry, thank god. On to biology! Matter comes to life in cells, the fundamental structural and functional units of life. Within cells are instructions for what they contain, DNA. DNA is what makes you a human instead of a cow and what makes you yourself instead of your brother. DNA is sort of like the c++ of the biology world. Scientists can study DNA and try to decipher what it means but the true magic of DNA happens when it is translated by the body (like machine code) and performs its intended function. DNA contains tiny sequences of nucleotides that are called genes. Genes are responsible for individual traits and inheritance. A group of thousands of genes make chromosomes. All of these things (matter, cells, atoms, all that good stuff) make up the environment and the interactions that occur in the environment. In order for everything to take place in the environment we need energy! Next in the textbook we talk about chemical changes that require energy to take place. Chemical changes and equations are important to environmental studies because they can be used to determine how natural processes happen over time like a tree rotting or food decomposing in an animals digestion track.

So what is energy? It can be defined as the capacity to do work or transfer heat. There’s a finite amount of energy in the universe, which means that it cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. There are two types of energy- kinetic and potential. When an object is in motion it is using kinetic energy but when it is at rest, say like a ball at the top of a hill, it has potential energy. Changing potential energy to kinetic energy requires work to be done. One form of kinetic energy that is not as obvious is heat. 

The majority of the heat on this planet comes from the sun and we harness it as solar energy. Solar energy is the most readily available source of energy we have on Earth and in more recent years we have been able to harness its energy for useful ways like powering our electrical homes and heating our water. The popularity in solar energy in recent years had skyrocketed (a growth rate of 59% from 2006-2016) and it is becoming one of the best alternatives fuel sources to fossil fuels and other non-renewable resources (Moalem, 2016). Because the energy in the sun is renewable it is one of the best examples of practicing sustainability. Other renewable forms of energy include wind, geothermal activity, and hydropower.

Figure 1. U.S. Solar Panel Installations by Market Segment, 2010-2013.

Next the textbook introduces a concept that was new to me, energy quality. Some forms of energy are more efficient than other and often times in energy transfers the energy goes from a high quality resource to a low quality resource. For example, high speed wind is a high quality energy because it can do a lot of work like powering a wind turbine or blowing tree branches. A low quality energy disperses more than a high quality energy so it can not do as much work. For example, the heat given off by the molecules in my body vibrating is not enough to heat anything else up so it would be low quality. When energy changes it goes from a useful energy to a less useful one (high quality to low quality) and the low quality energy is usually given off as heat that becomes so dispersed in the environment that it can not do enough work to transfer energy. This concept is known as the second law of thermo dynamics. To wrap this chapter up the book gives us three big ideas 

1) There is no away. Everything is recycled, and nothing is ever lost completely. (Except my iPhone I dropped in the pond in 11th grade. That’s definitely lost forever for sure.) 2) You cannot get something for nothing. This idea is sort of like the economic idea that there’s no free lunch! If you get a free lunch then yeah, upfront it may look like you did not have to pay, but the government probably increased your taxes or something else shady. 3) You cannot break even. This idea is exactly like playing a slot machine. They always say if you work at the same machine long enough you’ll eventually win, but that’s just a scam from casinos to get you to keep playing. Sure, you might win some money back but you’re never going to be back where you started.

Word Count: 1,353 Blog Question: The world is ready and able to power itself with renewable technologies, so what do you think is the biggest reason we haven’t made the switch yet?                                                Works Cited

Moalem, M. (2016, September 22). We Could Power The Entire World By Harnessing Solar Energy From 1% Of The Sahara. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2016/09/22/we-could-power-the-entire-world-by-harnessing-solar-energy-from-1-of-the-sahara/#16beca1fd440

U.S. Solar Panel Installations by Market Segment [Digital image]. (2014, January 9). Retrieved from https://www.cnbc.com/2014/01/09/ant-solar-users-to-pay-more.html

[chukwudobelum]

CHUKWUDOBELUM MEDIA 2nd INSPIRATIONAL ARTICLE.

CHUWUDOBELUM

MEDIA

PRESENTS

HER

2ND

INSPIRATIONAL

ARTICLE

THEME: TRUTHFULNESS THE KEY TO SUCCESS

BY: CHISOMAGA AZU [JP]

INTRODUCTION:

Looking around and reading so much in a world that is now considered a global village today, one can confidently say that as a result of the freedom we have acquired, many in our society today believe that truth is relative depending on the cultural environment. Many are now of the opinion that one’s cultural identity determines his or her religious, political or ethical beliefs. For these very facts, these people often say that we no longer need to live by certain universal truths. Inasmuch as there are availability of resources, and technology advancement there is also a dangerous sense of freedom everywhere in the world that is leading to slavery in human thinking and living.

Truth is most often used to mean been in accord with fact or reality or even fidelity to an original standard. Truth is usually held to be opposite to falsehood which correspondingly can also suggest a logical, ethical or factual meaning. But in our society today Truth no longer have objective standard as moral relativism has so pervaded our society that almost any kind of thought or behavior is condoled, for the fact that nobody is hurt. Absolute Truth so to say has been discarded alongside God, Our society today rejects the idea of universal right and wrong while the idea of objective standards is fading away. For instance, there has been a massive push for the acceptance of same sex marriage, indecency and pornography all in the name of freedom.

The concept of Truth is discussed and debated in many contexts or fields which include Theology, Science, Philosophy and Art. Some philosophers view the concept of truth as basic and unable to be explained in any terms that are more easily understood than the concept of truth itself. To some truth is viewed as the correspondence of language or thought to an independent reality in what is sometimes called the correspondence theory of truth.

WHAT IS TRUTH?

Defining the nature of Truth has seems to be more problematic right from the time of Christ Jesus, let us recall in the Christian bible when Pontius Pilate asked Jesus what is truth? [John 18:38].

According to the Cambridge advanced learner’s dictionary fourth edition, Truth is the quality of being true or the real facts about a situation, event or person.

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

According to Macmillan English dictionary for advanced learners’ international student edition, Success is the achievement of something that you planned to do or attempted to do.

Success can also mean the fact that you are successful in your career or profession, especially when you become rich, famous and respected.

CHARACTERISTICS OF TRUTH

It is sometimes hard for the uninitiated to differentiate between simple facts or opinions and the truth. Some characteristics of the truth include:

1. The truth, unlike an opinion is not open to reasonable debate.

2. The truth does not require verification through reliable sources.

3. The truth is best communicated through repetition.

4. The truth takes no pronouns in any language, because the truth is cool like that.

5. The truth is unique and universal in its nature.

6. Though everyone thinks they know the truth, nobody actually knows the truth, except you and me.

PROBLEMS IN KNOWING THE TRUTH

We need to acknowledge that language is never static. It is on-going. For the fact it is on-going it is developing as well. An example of this is the world ‘bank’ or ‘light’. In effect, one of the things we need to seek is about what people take or understand as truth. A shift in meaning from the original way of understanding a statement implies that language is dynamic. In view of that, it is the task of a scholar to try his possible best to bring about the statement in a way that he sees fit. For examples

The word ‘bank’ is equivocal when applied to the river bank and the bank where one saves money.

The word ‘light’ is equivocal when applied to a luminous object, and when one attempts to describe what is weightless.

TRUTHFULNESS THE GREAT KEY TO SUCCESS IN OUR SOCIETY TODAY

Obviously, we live in changing times in the world today; positive changes are good and are success to mankind, but to a large extent, changes that have generated negative signs needs to be confronted with the word of God and courage. For example the biblical teaching on sexual relations has completely changed in our contemporary society. Sexual orientation is now accepted depending on how one feels and it is for this great reason that fornication, adultery, even lesbians, gays, bisexual and transgender have become very popular today.

People can now choose sexual orientation of their choice, they can be born male and choose to be female or born female and choose to be male. The worst of it is that the sexual pervasions in the society are so strong that there are now very powerful pressure groups that promote and support these people in any form and shape in another way round causing a moral decaying society.

So many practices that were considered sinful in our society years back are now the accepted life styles. Everybody can now have an alternative truth and choose what is right or wrong as deem fitting.

CONCLUSION

Basically our society today is changing for in some situations where by truths are now considers evil. We must point to the fact that there is the need now just like in the past, for universal norms. There has to be a reasonable and common acceptance that there is right and wrong because we cannot live in a society where everybody believes that they are free to do whatever they wish, provided they believes in it. Conclusively truth is universal and remains the truth everywhere. Truth cannot be changed, what is the truth remains the truth even in law court, society, religion and culture.

[olaluwe]

Nigeria's Security Chiefs during a meeting with President Muhammadu Buhari It would not be entirely out of place for anybody living in today's Nigeria to say that almost all security establishments in the country are suffering from one forms of operant dysfunction or the other. It would not also be proper to blame the self-slighting decay that is as perceptible as daylight on one single administration, person, group or region. What would, however, not be subject to dispute or contestation if you like, is that it has been a carelessly permitted worsening journey into the atrophying of their defining substances. In short, our culpability as a collective to the Aegean stable the security setup in the country has become is being daily reinforced, condemned, overlooked as it may serve our petty existential desires. Yes. Almost all could be said to have had their moments of brilliance and glory as far as the discharge of their constitutional responsibility is concerned particularly externally while serving on the United Nations peacekeeping mission in different parts of the world over. Take the Nigerian Military for instance, it has been one story of exemplary gallantry and professional thoroughness after another from  its first experience in Congo (ONUC) from 1960 to 1964 to Liberia to Sierra Leone to Yugoslavia to name a few. You will recall it even dispatched the breakaway Republic of Biafra with a firm ruthlessness. In short, the Nigerian Military has been seen in the past through the prism of not just being good but feared and revered the world over. The Nigeria Police Force, on the other hand, has also won laurels after laurels outside the shores of Nigeria. In fact, on more than one occasion it has been adjudged the most outstanding peace keeping team by the United Nations.  But that's where it stopped. Combined, their inability to replicate the same high level of professionalism at home these days, especially, has become a cause for concern among security experts; and everyday Nigerians too many of whom have been a victim of police high-handedness or brutality if you prefer and without reprieve too. The Special Anti-Robbery Squad of the Nigerian Police (SARS) has become the latest sad reminder of the upward spiralling of the rot in the system with the way it operatives have been going about it mandate of nipping crime in the bud. Summarily, many innocent persons have been reportedly brutally or shot dead on the ground of criminal allegations leveled against them, while scores especially dashing looking young guys are being harassed on a daily basis for cruising around our major towns and cities in state-of-the-art cars. Sighting someone with a laptop or an expensive smart phone could also be a ground for harassment in the hands of officers and men of the Nigerian Police. At last, they are extorted and let off the hook. But a scapegoat is made out of those who are unable to make financial settlement. I'm not insinuating that the police should not carry out it official assignment of arresting and prosecuting an accused person(s) but it should be done within the confines of the relevant laws, after all, an accuse going by the Nigeria constitution is presume to be innocent until the contrary is established in the court of competent jurisdiction. Visible also is a lack of collaboration among them. We have seen police officers maltreating and even killing an officer of a sister security agency like the National Security and Civil Defence Corp (NSCDC) in a case of superiority contest. The Wukari murder of police operatives on a covert mission by soldiers which led to the escape of a kidnap kingpin Hamisu Wadume is the latest signpost that something is indeed organically wrong with the security architecture of the country. Some decades ago at the Sabo area of Yaba, Lagos State, an overzealous policeman reportedly killed a high-ranking army officer allegedly for intruding in his business of bribe taking. And in a swift retaliation, a group of army personnel brutally attacked the Sabo police station from where the policeman who killed the officer was believed to have been drawn killing and maiming many of them who have the misfortune of being on duty. And like I said earlier, if they are not maltreatment each other they are dishing out the crude treatments to Nigerians across all ages For decades now, this has been the narratives on the pages of our newspapers. And I think there will continue to be a decline in the operational efficiency of our security agencies because (1.) There is a growing decline in the pool of ethically oriented Nigerians who looked to joining the service professionally. Military career is not for lilly-hearted because it involves paying the supreme price in the defence of national territorial integrity. However, today, a lot of Nigerians look to join the service not in principle as required but for the flimsiest of reasons like for the purpose of settling an old score. In many instances too, forms are collected for people who never openly expressed their interest for the job. And so they are either railroad or persuaded to follow that path having been made them to see the benefits and glamour while neglecting the huge responsibility that comes with such a job. No wonder cases of soldiers going on AWOL are a common occurrences these days. I once met a soldier who confessed to have gone AWOL after being deployed to the North-east in the war against the Boko Haram. His reason was he's too young to die. And you wonder what such a person is doing in the army in the first place. But at the same time, I discovered he was still profiting from related activity because people hire him for personal or industrial security purposes. And all he does was recruit people and even get some of his colleagues who are still in service to work for his clients. (2.) There is a growing list also of people who see enlisting in any of the security organizations as the last resort. This class of people join any of the security agencies because they have nothing doing and with a view to rehabilitate themselves. So a career in any of the security forces has become an instrument of rehabilitation for many never do well in the society. And what could be more disturbing, they are usually long past the required age and cannot be optimally put to use. (3.) Many more continue to see enlisting as a route to a career of their choice because in the interim what they want isn't available. This class of people actually want to be in another field but cannot afford what is required to get there. So they take to a short career in any of the security agencies build the needed capacity and move on when the time is right. (4.) There is also the question of defective recruitment and training processes. Due diligence is rarely done in the process of recruitment by the military and para-military forces. And many have also called to question the quality of the training they are being exposed to. For this reasons, those who have question marks on their character find their way in and the corruption continues because they are ill-equipped to carry out their duty. Many are even assisted to skip one of two steps of the way and they are made to believe it is cool by those who claimed to be helping them. Let me relate a personal experience. I attempted enlisting in the Nigerian Army over a decade ago and though I didn't make it for the discrepancies in my documentations. After I was screened out during the interview session by a panel which comprise military officers and a representative of the Abeokuta South Local Government. Some of my colleagues who succeeded and with whom I had exchange phone contacts told me how strange faces emerged from nowhere to join them for the next phase of the recruitment exercise in Enugu. Can you tell me why people with either criminal records or are half-interested in the job will not find their way into the system? They will and the nastiness we see all around will persist. (5.) Closely linked to the above is the problem of political interference. Politicians for political gains do all sorts which contribute to undermining the integrity of the security agencies in the country.  They are usually the ones compromising the process by influencing who join and who doesn't. (6.) Greed is another impediment to the operational efficiency of the security organizations. Greed is a factor behind some the corrupt practises know with members of the Nigerian security forces. Nigerian security personnel are not the worst paid public officials yet they are always more than willing to manipulate the system to feather their own nest. However, greed is one need that can never be satisfied. And a man who is greedy, whether you pay him all the money in the world, he will still not be contented therefore submitting to the lures of abusing the rules of engagement as stipulated by their profession. So my submission is that Nigerian security personnel are greedy going by the act of extortion they are know for. (7.) Poor remuneration is another hindrance to operational efficiency in the Nigeria's security system. Security experts have repeatedly make a case for an improved salary structure for security personnel in the country to enhance their dedication to duty. While I've my reservations as regards this, I'll nevertheless discountenanced it if an effort is applied in this direction. May be it would help, just may be. You never can tell. I believe if something is done about the areas I've touched on above, we can then be talking of raising the bar concerning the flagging discipline, diminishing collaboration, and operational inefficiency currently being witnessed in virtually all the security outfits in the country.

[evodex]

Sample Chapter: Koffee with Kiran

DREAM #2

The setup: There is an opulent set inside a recording studio. Vividly coloured plush couches and sofas are placed across the floor which complemented the weird graphic art and mood lighting all around. The shoot is about to begin and the production crew scurries across the floor, making last-minute adjustments. The host, a celebrated producer-director and third-generation Bollywood royalty, Ms. Kiran, walks in. She takes her seat on the awkwardly constructed sofa and welcomes the guest, who is, of course, none other than my weighing scale.

Roll, camera, action!

Ms. Kiran: Hello and welcome to yet another exciting episode of Koffee with Kiran. Our guest tonight is a significant gadget, which has numerous amusing stories to tell about its user, Mrs. Google. So, let’s welcome and hear it from the Weighing Scale!

Weighing Scale: Thank you so much. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Ms. Kiran: Why don’t you start by telling us a little about yourself and your user Mrs. Google.

Weighing Scale: Well, as you have already introduced me, I am Mrs. Google’s weighing scale. I have been with her for almost six years now. There is a ritual that the two of us follow every time we are together. She gingerly steps on me, always standing on the tip of her toes. Then she closes her eyes and gives out a low sigh before peering down at my screen. This is usually followed by a disappointed shriek. She then tries to draw her breath and tummy in, before glancing at the numbers again. Obviously, the readings do not change and she instantly gets off the scale, like a crisp golden bread slice popping out of a toaster.

I always wonder about these four things:

Why tiptoe on the scale? Does she think that standing on her toes instead of placing the entire feet on the scale would make her weigh any lesser?

What’s with the astonished shriek? Does Mrs. Google expect to be 20 pounds lighter every time she stands on me? Like, magically?

Then, ‘inhaling deeply and tucking in of her tummy’ part. How is that ever going to bring down the numbers on scale? If anything, she’s only drawing in more air.

Also, what’s the hurry to get off from me? Will the pounds keep adding like the autorickshaw meter if she stands on me for 30 more seconds?

Ms. Kiran: Hmmm. So clearly, there are some issues here. Tell me, how often does she use you?

Weighing Scale: At least six times a day—with and without clothes, before and after meals, before going to bed, immediately after waking up, ahead of her morning walk and also after the leisurely stroll post dinner.

Ms. Kiran: Okay, let me just set the record straight. Is she…errr…fat?

Weighing Scale: Well, I’ll just say that based on her age, height and body type, she should ideally weigh somewhere between 58 and 62 kilograms. But she leans towards the heavier side. She is 36-24-36 + GST (linked to Aadhar). Now you can do the math yourself as I am ethically bound not to reveal the real numbers.

But Kiran, let me tell you and everyone else watching this show that Mrs. Google is not fat! She is just overweight. And there is a huge, huge difference between being fat and being overweight, especially for women.

Ms. Kiran: I agree. Weight is as sensitive an issue for women as age is, perhaps more so when it is slightly on the higher side. If it is impolite to ask a lady’s age, it is worse to peep into the weighing scale when she’s on it.

Backstage you were telling me how Mrs. Google tried to lose weigh, and there are some hilarious stories you have about that stint, right? So, tell us about her journey from fit to fat and then trying to be fit again.

Weighing Scale: Kiran, a few years back, Mrs. Google was much thinner. Well, maybe that’s a wrong choice of words. Let me rephrase, a few years ago, Mrs. Google was less overweight.

She used to comfortably wear size 10 and size 12 in some brands. Then things started to change. Currently, 80 per cent of her old clothes do not fit her anymore and this hasn’t changed in the last one year. Yet she clings on to them, hoping to fit into them once again. Someday.

Gradually, things started trending from bad to worse. Buttons started to pop out and large gaping areas were formed in her shirts, showing off what should be hidden. Zips refused to close till the end. And whatever she wore defined every curve, crevice and fold of her body. She progressively inflated from every corner, angle and side—a 360-degrees all-round expansion. It was hard on both of us.

Ms. Kiran: Oh poor Mrs. Google and poor you too. Then what happened? Did she do anything about it?

Weighing Scale: Yes, of course she did! So, one day, looking at herself in the full-length mirror, Mrs. Google swore aloud, “Enough is enough! This cannot be happening. I ought to get back into shape.” Immediately, she called her closest buddy, Ms. Kukki, who also suffers from this unfortunate affliction. Both of them decided to meet and discuss the way forward.

Ms. Kiran: Oh goodie! A little teamwork always helps. I’m sure they must have found a way to tackle the issue together.

Weighing Scale: Hah! You must listen to what they did. And don’t ask me how I got all the sordid details. I have my sources inside the house.

So, Ms Kukki arrived in that evening and they hugged and air-kissed like besties. While doing so, both women tried to gauge whose girth was wider. Once they settled down, Mrs. Google ordered the house help to make some adrak–wali chai and pyaaz-aloo bhajiyas as it was raining heavily. Lovely weather like this calls for a little celebration, she reasoned. She also instructed her help to bring along the butter-choco-walnut pound cake that her sister-in-law had brought from Dubai last week.

And it was over tea, bhajiya, cake and namkeen that the ladies discussed their woes and swore to take up an exercise routine ASAP. They chalked out a plan too, starting with brisk walking for 45 minutes and then gradually moving towards the gym, later in the week.

Ms. Kiran: Nice. Things are getting interesting. Then what happened?

Weighing Scale: As she visualised her soon-to-be-svelte figure with child-like glee, Mrs. Google was reminded that all her track pants and tees were either two sizes small or out of fashion. She instantly informed Ms. Kukki about the crisis. And within twenty minutes, both ladies were out to buy new workout clothes.

Seeing Mrs. Google’s dedication towards the new regimen, which was reflected in her eagerness to buy new fitness wear and gear, an inspired Ms. Kukki decided to follow suit. How can Mrs. Google shine away in her new, trendy, branded sportswear, while she lagged behind unnoticed in her three-months-old workout clothes?

After one-and-half hours of repeated trying, changing, selecting and discarding loads of ‘dry fit’ technology-enabled fitness wear, they came out of the mall armed with shiny shopping bags containing pairs of slim-fit tights with contrasting and matching dry fit tees, neon coloured sport shoes, two pairs of socks, a water sipper, a post-workout windcheater and a gym bag. Mrs. Google and Ms. Kukki were all set to enter the world of fitness like divas!

On the way back, Mrs. Google even ordered a fitness tracker watch online and downloaded two exercise tracking apps on the phone to keep track of her fitness regimen.

Ms. Kiran: Hahaha! I can’t wait to hear what happened next. Carry on…

Weighing Scale: Kiran sweetie, now I will give you a detailed day-to-day account of how both ladies took on their workout regime. You better sit tight and listen up.

Day 1, 7.00 am: They met at a common point between their houses, all decked up in the shiny new gear. With sweat bands on, a hint of lip gloss for a fresh look and shoes laced up, both started walking briskly and chit-chatted all along. Due to the constant babble and energetic pace, they began to pant within 10 minutes. So, they slowed down to a dawdling stroll and completed the proposed 45 minutes.

Day 2, 7.00 am: The first day had been a great success for them as they managed to complete their walk, irrespective of the speed at which they finished it. Hi-fives were exchanged and the women patted each other’s back. Motivated, they began day two, again with quick steps and relentless chit-chat. But soon the pace decelerated and within 500 metres, they were breathless. Meanwhile, they crossed a spot where office goers stopped by to have their chai-sutta-nashta. The whiff of freshly made kachori and vada sambhar made the women go week on their knees. Mrs. Google looked at Ms. Kooki and raised an eyebrow suggestively. Ms. Kooki gestured her affirmation with a meaningful smile. Within five minutes, they were seated on the plastic stools outside the tapree, gorging on hot kachoris and sipping steaming adrak-wali chai.

Day 3, 7.00 am: Two days down, they felt exhilarated. After all, they had succeeded in keeping up with the schedule. But already a little bored of simply walking, they decided to enter their society’s gym. Inside, they met several acquaintances and neighbours. The first 10 minutes were spent in casual catching up. The ladies made sure to ignore Mrs. Rana, who ate like a horse in all the kitty parties but God knows how still managed to look like a French bean. She was the obvious object of their scorn.

After socialising for a while and fixing their hair in the mirrors mounted on the gym walls for a different purpose altogether, the ladies finally managed to drag themselves towards the cardio machines.

Speed: 4

Elevation: Flat

All through the ten minutes of their ‘light’ cardio, they kept cribbing about the bland song choice and the ineffective air-conditioning in the gym.

Calories burned – 38

Finishing their cardio, they sat down huffing and puffing. The gym instructor, a tall, handsome hunk, came over and asked them if they needed any help or if they would like to do some stretching.

Dumbstruck by his hotness and abs which were clearly visible through his tight vest, they couldn’t say ‘no’, even though their legs were wobbly and begged for mercy. Mr. Instructor demonstrated a few basic stretching exercises and flaunted his own muscles. Trying their best to imitate his immaculate moves, they kept falling in exhaustion and clumsiness. After four whole minutes of awkward stretching, the sweaty ladies found that the instructor was busy with other more dedicated disciples. Making the most of this opportunity, they bolted for the door.

Day 4, 7.00 am: By now, each and every muscle of their body, not in the habit of stretching or working out, were sore and hurting. The duo decided to keep it ‘light’ and stick to plain walking. Walk to the tempting tapri. Gorge. And walk back.

Distance covered – 2 km

Calories burned – 70

Calories eaten – 250

Day 5, 7.00 am: Repeat performance of Day 4.

Day 6, 6.30 am: As expected, their schedule didn’t last very long. And so, Ms. Kukki called Mrs. Google to inform that she wouldn’t be able to make it that day as it was a weekend and she wanted to sleep till little late. Obviously, Mrs. Google was more than happy to agree. She too receded under the covers and went back to her sweet slumber.

I knew from the very beginning that this wouldn’t last long, monotony would kill it and exercising incessantly would die a natural death.

Day 7: Nobody called anybody. And, as they say, sometimes no news is good news. The unannounced verdict found mutual consent.

The entire exercising routine was soon forgotten as Mrs. Google & Ms. Kukki chose painless mornings over demanding fitness. The whole ‘silly’ idea was thrown out of the window.

Ms. Kiran: Such a sad and tragic ending to a thoroughly amusing story. Did she try other methods of losing weight post this swiftly aborted exercise routine?

Weighing Scale: Well, after coming to terms that exercising was not her cup of tea, she tried her hand at all sorts of diets—starting with a weeklong GM diet, moving on to the low-carb Atkin’s diet, followed by the chhass only diet, then the most obnoxious cabbage soup diet, the much-celebrated vegan diet, keto diet and even two days of the ‘cotton ball diet’, in which she dipped small balls of fluffy cotton into juices and smoothies and ate them up. Sadly, nothing passed the threshold of the experimentation phase of first few days.

Ms. Kiran: ‘Cotton ball diet’? Gosh, now this is incorrigible. So, did she give it all up finally?

Weighing Scale: Well, Mrs. Google has stopped experimenting with all the bizarre diets. Someone recently suggested to her ‘sniff the food’ technique. She is currently trying her luck with that. Less eating and more sniffing. I wonder how that will pan out for her.

Ms. Kiran: Hmmm… let’s see what that results in. Do keep me posted on that.

So, moving on, let’s play our exciting rapid-fire round. I will ask you a few questions and you have to answer them keeping Mrs. Google in mind. But remember, the replies have to be rapid and, of course, fiery!

Ready? So, here we go…what is Mrs. Google’s weight?

Weighing Scale: 62 + 8 – 40 + 50 – 2

Ms. Kiran: Very well. Tell us about her one secret that even Mr. Planet doesn’t know.

Weighing Scale: She secretly eat chocolates and candies. Mrs. Google stashes them at various covert places, like inside the vegetable compartment of fridge, in the lower most section of her cupboard, unused purses, side table of her bed, behind the spice rack and even in the loo.

Ms. Kiran: What does Mr. Planet say when Mrs. Google asks him if she is looking fat in a particular dress?

Weighing Scale: Oh, he has this one absolutely figured out and well-rehearsed. It’s always a big, compelling ‘NO’. The genuinely surprised and ‘are you kidding’ wala expression on his face is priceless.

Ms. Kiran: Has Mrs. Google ever shared her actual weight with anyone? If so, with whom?

Weighing Scale: Yes. To her doctor, dietician, personal trainer, a sales person for health insurance purposes and one more sales guy at a bicycle shop, just so that he could give her the precise recommendations. Also, to a ride operator at an amusement park because the ride had to be correctly balanced. But for rest of the world, including Mr. Planet, it is a dark, well-guarded secret.

Ms. Kiran: Share a recent embarrassing incident of hers.

Weighing Scale: Last week, she met a friend after a long time. After shrieks of excitement and cheek-on-cheek air kissing, her friend stepped back and looking at Mrs. Google’s tummy, exclaimed, “Wow, looks like you have some good news there!”

Ms. Kiran: Hahaha! I am sure Mrs. Google wanted to strangle her.

Weighing Scale: You bet! Wait, I got one more. A few days back, she had to stand in a queue at the cash counter of a mall for almost half an hour due to some technical snag in the billing system. So, by the time things got working, she was visibly irritated. The woman behind the desk looked at her upset face and said, “I’m really sorry about your wait.” Without thinking much, courtesy to her bad mood, Mrs. Google snapped back, “You’re not so skinny yourself, madam. Mind you own business, please.” The poor girl did not even try to clarify her intent and resumed work but the ladies standing behind Mrs. Google were in splits. That’s when she realised what the girl had truly meant. She made a quick, embarrassed exit.

Ms. Kiran: OMG! That’s indeed funny.

Okay, tell us five things that make Mrs. Google flip out every time someone mentions in front of her.

Weighing Scale: Hmmm… Yoga, plus size clothing, health food, skinny jeans and people linking her allergies, acne and hair fall to her weight.

Ms. Kiran: If she wakes up as Katrina Kaif, she would….

Weighing Scale: If Mrs. Google wakes up as Katrina, she would go to her office and meet the big boss. She’d ask for a favour, which of course he would undoubtedly grant, she being Katrina for that moment. The favour would be double promotion and a separate cabin for a friend of hers, Mrs. Google.

Ms. Kiran: Haha, that would be a smart thing to do. Thanks a lot for being such a sport. You did very well. Our signature gift hamper, loaded with goodies is on the table next to you.

Now, before you leave, would you like to say something to her through our show?

Weighing Scale: I would like to tell Mrs. Google that although you eat less but you eat wrong. Having some extra weight is not that ‘fat’ an issue as you have made it to be. Being healthy and happy is more important than being thin and sad. So just remember, we all love you for the ‘weigh’ you are!

Next morning, while still in bed, I couldn’t stop laughing at last night’s dream. The incidents shared in it were all factual and indeed hilarious. My husband gave me a puzzled look, seeing me wake up in a happy-but-don’t–know-why state. Inching closer to him swapping my stupid grin with a seductive smile, I whispered, “Do you also love me for the ‘weigh’ I am?”

Perplexed by my unexpectedly amorous mood, barely an hour away from office time, he fumbled, “Of course darling, I love you the ‘way’ you are.”

Ah! If only men could ever understand what woman want (and mean).

My Stuff Speaks 

Author – Sania Siddiqui

Sample Chapter: Koffee with Kiran published first on https://bestbabyinc.tumblr.com

[ashafriesen]

Sample Chapter: Koffee with Kiran

DREAM #2

The setup: There is an opulent set inside a recording studio. Vividly coloured plush couches and sofas are placed across the floor, to complement the weird graphic art and mood lighting all around. The shoot is about to begin and the production crew scurries across the floor, making last-minute adjustments. The host, a celebrated producer-director and third-generation Bollywood royalty, Ms. Kiran, walks in. She takes her seat on the awkwardly constructed sofa and welcomes the guest, who is, of course, none other than my weighing scale.

Roll, camera, action!

Ms. Kiran: Hello and welcome to yet another exciting episode of Koffee with Kiran. Our guest tonight is a significant gadget, which has numerous amusing stories to tell about its user, Mrs. Google. So, let’s welcome Weighing Scale!

Weighing Scale: Thank you so much. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Ms. Kiran: Why don’t you start by telling us a little about yourself and your user Mrs. Google?

Weighing Scale: Well, as you have already introduced me, I am Mrs. Google’s weighing scale. I have been with her for almost six years now. There is a ritual that the two of us follow every time we are together. She gingerly steps on me, always standing on the tip of her toes. Then she closes her eyes and gives out a low sigh before peering down at my screen. This is usually followed by a disappointed shriek. She then tries to draw her breath and tummy in, before glancing at the numbers again. Obviously, the readings do not change and she instantly gets off the scale, like a crisp golden bread slice popping out of a toaster.

I always wonder about these four things:

Why tiptoe on the scale? Does she think that standing on her toes instead of placing the entire feet on the scale would make her weigh any lesser?

What’s with the astonished shriek? Does Mrs. Google expect to be 20 pounds lighter every time she stands on me? Magically?

Then ‘inhaling deeply and tucking in of her tummy’ part! How is that ever going to bring down the numbers on scale? If anything, she’s only drawing in more air.

Also, what’s the hurry to get off from me? Will the pounds keep adding like the autorickshaw meter if she stands on me for 30 more seconds?

Ms. Kiran: Hmmm. So clearly, there are some issues here. Tell me, how often does she use you?

Weighing Scale: At least six times a day—with and without clothes, before and after meals, before going to bed, immediately after waking up, ahead of her morning walk and also after the leisurely stroll post dinner.

Ms. Kiran: Okay, let me just set the record straight. Is she…errr…fat?

Weighing Scale: Well, I’ll just say that based on her age, height and body type, she should ideally weigh somewhere between 58 and 62 kilograms. But she leans towards the heavier side. She is 36-24-36 + GST (linked to Aadhaar). Now you can do the math yourself as I am ethically bound not to reveal that.

But Kiran, let me tell you and everyone else who’s watching this, that Mrs. Google is not fat! She is just overweight. And there is a huge, huge difference between being fat and being overweight, especially for women.

Ms. Kiran: I agree. Weight is as sensitive an issue for women as age is, perhaps more so when it is slightly on the higher side. If it is impolite to ask a lady’s age, it is worse to peep into the weighing scale when she’s on it.

Well, you were telling me how Mrs. Google tried to lose weight, and there are some hilarious stories you have about that stint, right? So, tell us about her journey from fit to fat and then trying to be fit again.

Weighing Scale: Kiran, a few years back, Mrs. Google was much thinner. Well, maybe that’s a wrong choice of words. Let me rephrase, a few years ago, Mrs. Google was less overweight.

She used to comfortably wear size 10 and size 12 in some brands. Then things started to change. Currently, 80 per cent of her old clothes do not fit her anymore and this hasn’t changed in the last one year. Yet she clings on to them, hoping to fit into them once again. Someday.

Gradually, things started trending from bad to worse. Buttons started to pop out and large gaping areas were formed in her shirts, showing off what should be hidden. Zips refused to close till the end. And whatever she wore defined every curve, crevice and fold of her body.

She progressively inflated from every corner, angle and side—a 360-degrees all-round expansion. It was hard on both of us.

Ms. Kiran: Oh poor Mrs. Google and poor you too. Then what happened? Did she do anything about it?

Weighing Scale: Yes! So, one day, looking at herself in the full-length mirror, Mrs. Google swore aloud, “Enough is enough! This cannot be happening. I ought to get back into shape.” Immediately, she called her closest buddy, Ms. Kukki, who also suffers from this unfortunate affliction. Both of them decided to meet and discuss the way forward.

Ms. Kiran: Oh goodie! A little teamwork always helps. I’m sure they must have found a way to tackle the issue together.

Weighing Scale: Hah! You must listen to what they did. And don’t ask me how I got all the sordid details. I have my sources inside the house.

So, Ms Kukki arrived in that evening and they hugged and air-kissed like besties. While doing so, both women tried to gauge whose girth was wider. Once they settled down, Mrs. Google ordered the house help to make some adrak–wali chai and pyaaz-aloo bhajiyas as it was raining heavily. Lovely weather like this calls for a little celebration, she reasoned. She also instructed her help to bring along the butter-choco-walnut pound cake that her sister-in-law had brought from Dubai last week.

And it was over tea, bhajiya, cake and namkeen that the ladies discussed their woes and swore to take up an exercise routine ASAP. They chalked out a plan too, starting with brisk walking for 45 minutes and then gradually moving towards the gym, later in the week.

Ms. Kiran: Nice. Things are getting interesting. Then what happened?

Weighing Scale: As she visualised her soon-to-be-svelte figure with child-like glee, Mrs. Google was reminded that all her track pants and tees were either two sizes small or out of fashion. She instantly informed Ms. Kukki about the crisis. And within twenty minutes, both ladies were out to buy new workout clothes.

Seeing Mrs. Google’s dedication towards the new regimen, which was reflected in her eagerness to buy new fitness wear, an inspired Ms. Kukki decided to follow suit. After all, how can Mrs. Google shine away in her new, trendy, branded sportswear, while she lagged behind unnoticed in her three-months-old workout clothes?

After one-and-half hours of repeated trying, changing, selecting and discarding loads of ‘dry fit’ technology-enabled fitness wear, they came out of the mall armed with shiny shopping bags containing two pairs of slim-fit tights with contrasting and matching dry fit tees, neon coloured sport shoes, two pairs of socks, a water sipper, a post-workout windcheater and a gym bag. Mrs. Google and Ms. Kukki were all set to enter the world of fitness like divas!

On the way back, Mrs. Google even ordered a fitness tracker watch online and downloaded two exercise tracking apps on the phone to keep track of her fitness regimen.

Ms. Kiran: Hahaha! I can’t wait to hear what happened next. Carry on…

Weighing Scale: Kiran sweetie, now I will give you a detailed day-to-day account of how both ladies took on their workout regime. You better sit tight and listen up.

Day 1, 7.00 am: They met at a common point between their houses, all decked up in the shiny new gear. With sweat bands on, a hint of lip gloss for a fresh look and shoes laced up, both started walking briskly and chit-chatted all along. Due to the constant babble and energetic pace, they began to pant within 10 minutes. So, they slowed down to a dawdling stroll and completed the proposed 45 minutes.

Day 2, 7.00 am: The first day had been a great success for them as they managed to complete their walk, irrespective of the speed at which they finished it. Hi-fives were exchanged, and the women patted each other’s back. Motivated, they began day two, again with quick steps and relentless chit-chat. But soon the pace decelerated and, within 500 metres, they were breathless. Meanwhile, they crossed a spot where office goers stopped by to have their chai-sutta-nashta. The whiff of freshly made kachori and vada sambhar made the women go week on their knees. Mrs. Google looked at Ms. Kooki and raised an eyebrow suggestively. Ms. Kooki gestured her affirmation with a meaningful smile. Within five minutes, they were seated on the plastic stools outside the tapree, gorging on hot kachoris and sipping steaming adrak-wali chai.

Day 3, 7.00 am: Two days down, they were exhilarated. After all, they had succeeded in keeping up with the schedule. But already a little bored of simply walking, they decided to enter the society’s gym. Inside, they met several acquaintances and neighbours. The first 10 minutes were spent in casual catching up. However, the ladies made sure to ignore Mrs. Rana, who ate like a horse in all the kitty parties but still managed to look like a French bean (God knows how!). She was the obvious object of their scorn.

After socialising for a while and fixing their hair in the full-length mirrors mounted on the gym walls for a different purpose altogether, the ladies finally managed to drag themselves towards the cardio machines.

Speed: 4

Elevation: Flat

All through the ten minutes of their ‘light’ cardio, they kept cribbing about the bland song choice and the ineffective air-conditioning in the gym.

Calories burned – 38

Finishing their cardio, they sat down huffing and puffing. The gym instructor, a tall, handsome hunk, came over and asked them if they needed any help or if they would like to do some stretching.

Dumbstruck by his hotness and sets of packs that were clearly visible through his tight vest, they couldn’t say ‘no’, even though their legs were wobbly and begged for mercy. Mr. Instructor demonstrated a few basic stretching exercises and flaunted his own muscles. Trying their best to imitate his immaculate moves, they kept falling over in exhaustion and clumsiness. After four whole minutes of awkward stretching, the sweaty ladies found that the instructor was busy with other more dedicated disciples. Making the most of this opportunity, they bolted for the door.

Day 4, 7.00 am: By now, all the muscles of their body, not in the habit of stretching or working out, were sore and hurting. The duo decided to keep it ‘light’ and stick to plain walking. Walk to the tempting tapri. Gorge. And walk back.

Distance covered – 2 km

Calories burned – 70

Calories eaten – 250

Day 5, 7.00 am: Repeat performance of Day 4

Day 6, 6.30 am: As expected, their schedule didn’t last very long. And so, Ms. Kukki called Mrs. Google to inform that she wouldn’t be able to make it that day as it was a weekend and she wanted to sleep till little late. Obviously, Mrs. Google was more than happy to agree. She too receded under the covers and went back to her sweet slumber.

I knew from the very beginning that this wouldn’t last long, monotony would kill it and exercising incessantly would die a natural death.

Day 7: Nobody called anybody. And, as they say, sometimes no news is good news. The unannounced verdict found mutual consent.

The entire exercising routine was soon forgotten as Mrs. Google & Ms. Kukki chose painless mornings over demanding fitness. The whole ‘silly’ idea was thrown out of the window.

Ms. Kiran: Such a sad and tragic ending to a thoroughly amusing story. Did she try other methods of losing weight post this swiftly aborted exercise routine?

Weighing Scale: Well, after coming to terms that exercising was not her cup of tea, she tried her hand at all sorts of diets—starting with a weeklong GM diet, moving on to the low-carb Atkin’s diet, followed by the chhass only diet, then the most obnoxious cabbage soup diet, the much-celebrated vegan diet, keto diet, and even two days of the ‘cotton ball diet’, in which she dipped small balls of fluffy cotton into juices and smoothies and ate them up. Sadly, nothing passed the threshold of the experimentation phase of first few days.

Ms. Kiran: ‘Cotton ball diet’? Gosh, now this is incorrigible. So, did she give it all up finally?

Weighing Scale: Well, Mrs. Google has stopped experimenting with all the bizarre diets. Someone recently suggested to her ‘sniff the food’ technique. She is currently trying her luck with that. Less eating and more sniffing. I wonder how that will pan out for her.

Ms. Kiran: Hmmm… let’s see what that results in. Do keep me posted on that.

So, moving on, let’s play our exciting rapid-fire round. I will ask you a few questions and you have to answer them keeping Mrs. Google in mind. But remember, the replies have to be rapid and, of course, fiery!

Ready? So, here we go…what is Mrs. Google’s weight?

Weighing Scale: 62 + 8 – 40 + 50 – 2

Ms. Kiran: Very well. Tell us about her one secret that even Mr. Planet doesn’t know.

Weighing Scale: She secretly eat chocolates and candies. Mrs. Google stashes them at various covert places, like inside the vegetable compartment of fridge, in the lower most section of her cupboard, unused purses, side table of her bed, behind the spice rack and even in the loo.

Ms. Kiran: What does Mr. Planet say when Mrs. Google asks him if she is looking fat in a particular dress?

Weighing Scale: Oh, he has this one absolutely figured out and well-rehearsed. It’s always a big, compelling ‘NO’. The genuinely surprised and ‘are you kidding’ wala expression on his face is priceless.

Ms. Kiran: Has Mrs. Google ever shared her actual weight with anyone? If so, with whom?

Weighing Scale: Yes. To her doctor, dietician, personal trainer, a sales person for health insurance purposes, and one more sales guy at a bicycle shop, just so that he could give her the precise recommendations. Also, to a ride operator at an amusement park because the ride had to be correctly balanced. But for rest of the world, including Mr. Planet, it is a dark, well-guarded secret.

Ms. Kiran: Share a recent embarrassing incident of hers.

Weighing Scale: Last week, she met a friend after a long time. After shrieks of excitement and cheek-on-cheek air kissing, her friend stepped back and looking at Mrs. Google’s tummy, exclaimed, “Wow, looks like you have some good news there!”

Ms. Kiran: Hahaha! I am sure Mrs. Google wanted to strangle her.

Weighing Scale: You bet! Wait, I got one more. A few days back, she had to stand in a queue at the cash counter of a mall for almost half an hour due to some technical snag in the billing system. So, by the time things got working, she was visibly irritated. The woman behind the desk looked at her upset face and said, “I’m really sorry about your wait.” Without thinking much, courtesy to her bad mood, Mrs. Google snapped back, “You’re not so skinny yourself, madam. Mind you own business, please.” The poor girl did not even try to clarify her intent and resumed work but the ladies standing behind Mrs. Google were in splits. That’s when she realised what the girl had truly meant. She made a quick, embarrassed exit.

Ms. Kiran: OMG! That’s indeed funny.

Okay, tell us five things that make Mrs. Google flip out every time someone mentions in front of her.

Weighing Scale: Hmmm… Yoga, plus size clothing, health food, skinny jeans and people linking her allergies, acne and hair fall to her weight.

Ms. Kiran: If she wakes up as Katrina Kaif, she would….

Weighing Scale: If Mrs. Google wakes up as Katrina, she would go to her office and meet the big boss. She’d ask for a favour, which of course he would undoubtedly grant, she being Katrina for that moment. The favour would be double promotion and a separate cabin for a friend of hers, Mrs. Google.

Ms. Kiran: Haha, that would be a smart thing to do. Thanks a lot for being such a sport. You did very well. Our signature gift hamper, loaded with goodies is on the table next to you.

Now, before you leave, would you like to say something to her through our show?

Weighing Scale: I would like to tell Mrs. Google that although you eat less but you eat wrong. Having some extra weight is not that ‘fat’ an issue as you have made it to be. Being healthy and happy is more important than being thin and sad. So just remember, we all love you for the ‘weigh’ you are!

Next morning, while still in bed, I couldn’t stop laughing at last night’s dream. The incidents shared in it were all factual and indeed hilarious. My husband gave me a puzzled look, seeing me wake up in a happy-but-don’t–know-why state. Inching closer to him swapping my stupid grin with a seductive smile, I whispered, “Do you also love me for the ‘weigh’ I am?”

Perplexed by my unexpectedly amorous mood, barely an hour away from office time, he fumbled, “Of course darling, I love you the ‘way’ you are.”

Ah! If only men could ever understand what woman want (and mean).

My Stuff Speaks 

Author – Sania Siddiqui

Sample Chapter: Koffee with Kiran published first on https://parentcenternetwork.tumblr.com/

[sabrinajulie]

The Attorney’s Role in Commercial Transactions

As a transactional lawyer, I’ve seen the attorney’s role in commercial transactions has changed dramatically over the past several years. It is not always possible to wait for the client to request the preparation or review of documents.  In many instances, the attorney must now assist the client in finding or creating business opportunities.

Sophisticated clients demand top performance from their attorneys. This goes beyond qualifications and experience. Transactions today are usually much more fragile, and the attorney must have the sense and perception to hold them together and then successfully close them.

At a time when client loyalty to attorneys is low, there is also a great deal of pressure on the legal profession to contain legal fees. Also, with the usual transaction being more complex and short fused, specialization and automation are essential.

While a successful result is paramount, an attorney must maintain a high ethical and professional level. The attorney must be a stabilizing influence and should avoid and try to stop senseless bickering between attorneys. The effective attorney need not use the so-called junkyard dog tactics and instead can be a team player.  Additionally, the attorney must keep the client informed so that the client, rather than the attorney, can make the business decisions.

The Lawyer’s Scope of Responsibility

The business community is looking more frequently to attorneys to locate sources of funds. This requires a knowledge of the capital markets and those who are active in it. This may be accomplished through a direct introduction to the source or to one who has access, such as a mortgage broker or investment banker.

The structure of transactions is now much more complex and usually involves more than one source of funds. For example, current underwriting criteria of lenders requires substantial equity in a project. If an investor does not have the necessary cash or is not willing to part with it, then another level of funding must be added.  This may be an investor, a partner or an equity lender.

It may be necessary to structure a business organization for a party or to tailor a transaction to satisfy a particular need. In addition, tax issues are common and a transaction may involve complicated governmental regulation. This would be the case in the sale of a security which, if not exempt, requires a registration.

The documentation for a transaction cannot be the main focus. It must also be simple and concise, yet complete and fair. So that the business terms are clearly understood, it may still be wise to start with a letter of intent which can also serve as an executive summary of the transaction. The requirement of a legal opinion is becoming more common and is not limited to institutional transactions.

Business relationships and agreements are difficult to establish and a challenge to keep intact. For this reason, an attorney must manage or assist in the management of the transaction until it is closed. This involves regular and clear communication and trouble shooting where required. An attorney with an inflated ego or a contentious personality does not have a place in the transactions of today.

Transaction Attorney’s Fees

In too many instances, the cost of the legal work is more important to the client than any other aspect of the engagement of the attorney. If clients require a flat fee or other controls on the costs, the scope of work and amount of time to be expended by the attorney must be clearly defined. Although a percentage fee may also have a place in a transaction, it may be more suitable as a finder’s fee or creating an opportunity rather than for performance of legal services.  The fee determination is often based more on value than time.  Also, part or all of the fees may be contingent upon achieving a successful result. An attorney may not always be able to accommodate this request because of ethical or financial reasons.

There are rare occasions where a one-line billing statement at the end of a project is appropriate. Usually, the billing statements should contain sufficient detail so that the client can understand the work that was performed and the costs that were advanced. The statements should be sent on a regular basis, usually monthly.

Hopefully, the competition between attorneys and others providing similar services will not put them into a bidding war for the work. As the old adage goes, “you get what you pay for,” and quality may be sacrificed. Also, it would be a mistake to put too much emphasis on an hourly rate, since excessive hours from an inexperienced attorney will nullify the benefit of a low hourly rate.

Written Fee Agreement

The scope of the work and legal fees must be discussed at the outset. The fee arrangement must be confirmed in a fee letter or agreement. The client should understand that the attorney is in the business of selling legal and related services, and the attorney should know that the client is entitled to expect and receive competent and timely legal services for a fair fee.

In engaging an attorney, the client should ask about the attorney’s experience, reputation, prior successes and availability.  Also, the existence of adequate errors and omissions insurance coverage should be discussed. The client should be fair in its dealings with the attorney but should not tolerate any deficiencies in the work or conduct of the attorney.

An attorney should be retained early in the transaction and kept involved in the important stages. This will ensure that all of the deal points have been negotiated and are included in the final documentation. A good relationship between the attorney and the client is based upon mutual respect.  A cooperative effort will go a long way in achieving a successful result.

Free Initial Consultation with a Commercial Lawyer

When you need a transactional commercial attorney, call Ascent Law for your free consultation (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

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from Michael Anderson http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/the-attorneys-role-in-commercial-transactions/

from Top Rated Utah Lawyer https://topratedlawyer.wordpress.com/2018/03/28/the-attorneys-role-in-commercial-transactions/

[loycereiber]

The Attorney’s Role in Commercial Transactions

As a transactional lawyer, I’ve seen the attorney’s role in commercial transactions has changed dramatically over the past several years. It is not always possible to wait for the client to request the preparation or review of documents.  In many instances, the attorney must now assist the client in finding or creating business opportunities.

Sophisticated clients demand top performance from their attorneys. This goes beyond qualifications and experience. Transactions today are usually much more fragile, and the attorney must have the sense and perception to hold them together and then successfully close them.

At a time when client loyalty to attorneys is low, there is also a great deal of pressure on the legal profession to contain legal fees. Also, with the usual transaction being more complex and short fused, specialization and automation are essential.

While a successful result is paramount, an attorney must maintain a high ethical and professional level. The attorney must be a stabilizing influence and should avoid and try to stop senseless bickering between attorneys. The effective attorney need not use the so-called junkyard dog tactics and instead can be a team player.  Additionally, the attorney must keep the client informed so that the client, rather than the attorney, can make the business decisions.

The Lawyer’s Scope of Responsibility

The business community is looking more frequently to attorneys to locate sources of funds. This requires a knowledge of the capital markets and those who are active in it. This may be accomplished through a direct introduction to the source or to one who has access, such as a mortgage broker or investment banker.

The structure of transactions is now much more complex and usually involves more than one source of funds. For example, current underwriting criteria of lenders requires substantial equity in a project. If an investor does not have the necessary cash or is not willing to part with it, then another level of funding must be added.  This may be an investor, a partner or an equity lender.

It may be necessary to structure a business organization for a party or to tailor a transaction to satisfy a particular need. In addition, tax issues are common and a transaction may involve complicated governmental regulation. This would be the case in the sale of a security which, if not exempt, requires a registration.

The documentation for a transaction cannot be the main focus. It must also be simple and concise, yet complete and fair. So that the business terms are clearly understood, it may still be wise to start with a letter of intent which can also serve as an executive summary of the transaction. The requirement of a legal opinion is becoming more common and is not limited to institutional transactions.

Business relationships and agreements are difficult to establish and a challenge to keep intact. For this reason, an attorney must manage or assist in the management of the transaction until it is closed. This involves regular and clear communication and trouble shooting where required. An attorney with an inflated ego or a contentious personality does not have a place in the transactions of today.

Transaction Attorney’s Fees

In too many instances, the cost of the legal work is more important to the client than any other aspect of the engagement of the attorney. If clients require a flat fee or other controls on the costs, the scope of work and amount of time to be expended by the attorney must be clearly defined. Although a percentage fee may also have a place in a transaction, it may be more suitable as a finder’s fee or creating an opportunity rather than for performance of legal services.  The fee determination is often based more on value than time.  Also, part or all of the fees may be contingent upon achieving a successful result. An attorney may not always be able to accommodate this request because of ethical or financial reasons.

There are rare occasions where a one-line billing statement at the end of a project is appropriate. Usually, the billing statements should contain sufficient detail so that the client can understand the work that was performed and the costs that were advanced. The statements should be sent on a regular basis, usually monthly.

Hopefully, the competition between attorneys and others providing similar services will not put them into a bidding war for the work. As the old adage goes, “you get what you pay for,” and quality may be sacrificed. Also, it would be a mistake to put too much emphasis on an hourly rate, since excessive hours from an inexperienced attorney will nullify the benefit of a low hourly rate.

Written Fee Agreement

The scope of the work and legal fees must be discussed at the outset. The fee arrangement must be confirmed in a fee letter or agreement. The client should understand that the attorney is in the business of selling legal and related services, and the attorney should know that the client is entitled to expect and receive competent and timely legal services for a fair fee.

In engaging an attorney, the client should ask about the attorney’s experience, reputation, prior successes and availability.  Also, the existence of adequate errors and omissions insurance coverage should be discussed. The client should be fair in its dealings with the attorney but should not tolerate any deficiencies in the work or conduct of the attorney.

An attorney should be retained early in the transaction and kept involved in the important stages. This will ensure that all of the deal points have been negotiated and are included in the final documentation. A good relationship between the attorney and the client is based upon mutual respect.  A cooperative effort will go a long way in achieving a successful result.

Free Initial Consultation with a Commercial Lawyer

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[jcmramos-blog1]

On the Amendment of the Copyright Law: The Boundaries of Ownership and Originality

A famous philosopher, Aristotle have written implicitly in his wide-known book Nicomachean Ethics[1] sincere realizations on excellence, effort, choices and destiny. According to him, excellence cannot be merely associated with a simple luck or an unexpected phenomenon, an accident in simplest term. Instead, excellence should be understood as an intelligent execution of choices, it is not just a matter of chances. This is so because indeed, excellence as a virtue entails earnest intention and great amount of effort. Excellence thus, is a matter of destiny; a destined success where effort, choices, and intention combined altogether results as a formula to triumph.

           Excellence, much as it is shared with other people, is a self-inflicted choice. Excellence also presumes originality because a person who excels is one who is not an imitation. A person who excels is one who inspires because he himself is an example of an individual who is unique, because he/she is original. Individuality also presupposes originality. For one is unique in his/her own ways, be it by the way he/she speaks or writes. Originality is identity.

A society also recognizes individuality when it acknowledges every person’s right. That is why, a person’s claim to his property is one of the most essential rights which he is rightfully to be entitled of. Moreover, a person’s intellectual property, as it is protected by laws, also reflects how the society protects and supports an individual in representing himself/herself through his/her own ideas and inventions. This also shows that the society and its laws recognize the capacity of every individual to contribute things for the common good.

True enough, every person needs to be given the proper protection of their properties, especially if their properties are products of their intentions and sacrifices; elements of what will make him/her great ad excel in his/her own chosen field. Accordingly, humans are capable of making judgments, and that every person is presumed to understand how ownership and originality works both as a right and as an obligation to other persons. Confucius, in introducing to the world his well-construed philosophy widely known as the Golden Rule, once taught humanity how respect works: “Do not do unto others what you do not want them to do unto you.” Let that be an undying reminder that each person needs to respect other person’s claim to their rights in the same way that he/she is entitled of those rights too. Fairness, much as it goes hand in hand with justice, is a value that a society should uphold to maintain harmony, especially if it concerns every person’s right to properties.    

Unfortunately, most people tend to neglect this duty of respecting intellectual properties of other persons. People intently or negligently claim what is not supposed to be theirs in the first place; they do not give the proper acknowledgment for its rightful authors and owners. Accordingly, issues on plagiarism and other violations on intellectual properties become all the more prevalent and relevant as social networking sites become media for “freedom of expression”. As people express, they do not seem to give proper acknowledgment to writers/authors whom they have directly copied exact words or phrases. Truly, there is nothing wrong with expressing the same sentiments which are copied or identified with other person’s expressions especially if it concerns public interest, but paying respect to its rightful author is a must a person ought not to forget.

Social media however, is not the sole venue of committing such offenses, even persons of authority are not exceptions of this act of negligence-- persons in the Senate even.[2] The thing is, the claim on intellectual properties is one neglected right of persons. Ironically, people want to be recognized for what they are, what they speak or write for but neglect to do the same for their neighbors. Now, in order to put things into order and to promote awareness on its effect, laws on protecting intellectual properties have been passed. The Filipino nation knows very well how recognition of ownership and originality promotes identity and prestige, as it clearly manifests in the promotion of national identity. Nonetheless, Filipinos greatly uphold respect to properties and provide protection to authors and inventors, regardless of its national benefit. The Filipino nation believe that everyone is entitled of said right. The law-making body of the Philippines have passed several laws in relation to this matter.

In this work, the author would like to address the issue of the insufficiency of laws which protect the ownership and property of its rightful owners, and that how these laws can be improved to ensure they protection. This is in relation to a legal philosophy that laws are followed by the people because of compulsion. Cicero, an Ancient philosopher believes that people obey laws not only because they think it is the moral thing to do, but also of their desire to avoid punishments and penalties as well as to avail certain benefits and rewards for obeying so. To start, it would be essential to know which intellectual properties are already protected by the Law on Copyright.  

Some of those properties which are subjects of copyrights are those of books, articles, literary and artistic works, and scientific works will be tackled in the discussion of this essay. More importantly, this essay will provide the legal bases of the right to intellectual properties, i.e. the laws which are applicable in the rightful claim to intellectual properties which in effect protect the authors and inventors of brilliant ideas and works of art.

           It is important to know the kinds of work that are subjected to copyright. But before anything else, the word copyright in itself should be defined. According to Ranhilio Aquino in his book entitled Intellectual Property Law, a copyright, as introduced by the World Intellectual Property Organization, has these explicit elements:

A copyright has to do with the rights of intellectual creators, particularly those usually, though not exclusively, connected with mass communication. It is also that system of legal protection an author enjoys of the form of expression of ideas.[3]

           In considering the copyright of a material, the essential part would be taking into account the fact that copyrights are legal protection. Thus, as copyright is subject to the protection of the law, this would also mean that certain punishments to those who will violate it can be incurred. This also shows by far that no matter how common this right to intellectual property be, it should still incur compulsion in order for its enforcement to be effective and valid. People more likely submit to laws because of the fear of punishments. Admittedly, people tend to do things which they think are wrong in itself but still continue to do them simply because it would entail no consequences. These punishments, as an element for the obedience and compliance to such laws also allow the legislators to be assured that those certain norms being passed are not neglected by the people.

            Now as being continuously mentioned in this article, it is also proper to at least define what is being said when intellectual property is being discussed. That is to say, how terms in intellectual property are understood, and on how this understanding used through this article speaks of how intellectual property should also be understood by the people.

           In discussing intellectual property, one thing that a person should bear in mind is that those are property rights which result from physical manifestation of an original thought.[4] In simplest terms, the idea of recognizing intellectual property is to preserve originality from its owner. That is, an original work is that which makes a work different from other works of art which constitutes its identity. An original work therefore, is attributed to a person who rightfully owns recognition for making or creating such unique or pioneer work. Intellectual property greatly speaks of the importance of originality.

           In the attempt to have a technical definition of what originality means is to consider these important elements. The law in itself does not clearly owes it to the creativity of the author nor its uniqueness, rather, it just clearly shows that its origin is being owed to its author. This goes to show that such work is originally created by its respective author.

           A Canadian authority on intellectual property in the name of David Vaver enumerates the essential requisites of originality.[5] These three elements are enumerated as: first, that the work must have its origin from an author, second is that it must not be copied, and third, that it must involve some intellectual effort.

The first element clearly sets the boundary of the source of the original work i.e. it is solely attributed to that person who have made that creation. This now leads to the presumption that an original work is that which is not copied from other works, for in the logical sense, the essence of being original would be futile if it is a mere imitation from another person’s work. And lastly but which should not be neglected is the involvement of intellectual effort in such works. Intellectual efforts evidently support the idea of labor. Efforts made by the author of a work show how he/she exerted great amount of dedication, time and own critical analysis just to bring into fulfillment a specific work. With all those efforts exerted which make it qualify for being original, it is also proper to say that this original work is subject to intellectual property of its author.

Intellectual Properties Subject of Copyright

           Much as this legal review would want to cover everything about the necessary legal knowledge of intellectual property, such review is limited in scope and its length. That is why it will only tackle several intellectual properties which are subject to copyright. These intellectual properties however are those which are essential in understanding other intellectual properties which will not be mentioned in full.

           Now in intellectual properties subject of copyright, formality is not a requirement under Philippine Law. The moment of creation already presupposes the copyright. In other words, a copyright is already subsisting once an original work is created. Nevertheless, a work created is copyrightable if it has met two requirements which are originality and expression. This is for the reason that originality manifests through its expression. Just like how a felony is committed under the Revised Penal Code, a mere intent is not punishable if there is no overt act that constitutes the commission of a crime.[6]           The same goes with a copyrightable work, as long as it is not expressed through tangible forms such as in writing or inventions, there is no actual work that the law can protect. Originality is evidently shown when a work can be attributed to a person with an idea that is really his/her, but the protection of that intellectual property also depends if such is expressed.

           One important subject of copyright is in the form of books. Needless to say, books are those intellectual works which do not just entail great amount of patience and time, but also intellectual expertise and interest. It is not surprising that books are one of those priorities of being protected by copyright under our laws, and even in other foreign countries. Books and other writings which include pamphlets and articles, be it in numerical data or verbal expression need not publication. What is actually being protected here are not actually the letters of the writings in themselves but the skills and labor which produced the output that constitute its originality. The selection and arrangement of materials are what constitute the originality of an output for it requires labor and skills thus, it is considered as a copyrightable work.

           Considering other written works subject of copyright are news article. Consequently, news itself is not subject of copyright because it contains facts that are needed for public information. Point to be made is that news such as stating the date and places are not subject of copyright because these are mere items of press information, but news articles written by a specific writer for a definite topic or subject are well-understood to be subjects of copyright. This is also true to other written works of public domain such as the lives of national heroes and other historical events and literature which contribute to national identity and as such, are subjects for public good or interest. Yet as similar to books which are outputs of hard labor and intellectual skills, anthologies which are collection of poems e.g. works of public figures such that of Jose Rizal, are subjects of copyright. The collection and organization of these individual written pieces are what make them attributed to a person who had exerted his/her effort or ability to compile such. That is why, these kinds of labor are rightful subjects for protection in the form of a copyright.

           Oral deliveries, even without the written copy of such speeches, addresses, sermons or lectures are also subject of copyright. Needless to say, such oral deliveries of intellectual ideas include even impromptu speeches. Impromptu speeches as they suggest, are spoken without the need of preparation or written guide for the speaker to utter words of original ideas. This just connotes that these are already copyrightable materials for they do not just happen to be thoughts which are meant to stay only in the mind of the intellectual but which have been uttered to an audience. Prepared oral deliveries which are expected to be used during formal events e.g. lectures are evidently subject of copyright. One thing to be noted is that the recording of said deliveries should be properly informed to the speaker himself/herself for courtesy. The decision of the speaker to grant the request or not is within his/her sole discretion and should be respected.

           Musical compositions, as original works of art are also one prominent intellectual properties which are subject of copyright. These masterpieces as copyrightable materials are not exclusive to those with words or as musical terminologies suggest, is what is called as the lyrics of the musical piece. A musical composition thus, enjoys a copyright both concerning its original melody and lyrics. The question also arises when a literary work, a poem for instance (as a separate original work), is incorporated to a song or used as the lyrics of a musical composition. The appropriation of literary compositions into musical masterpieces, especially if they are public domain such as that of Shakespeare’s, will not be in danger of charges by reason of infringement[7]. However, if the literary work used is not that of public domain, the musician who intentionally or negligently appropriated the lyrics of the said composition can be made to answer the charges of infringement. Infringement is still made even though the musician publicly acknowledges the original author as the lyricist in his own musical composition, because the author of the literary piece was deprived of his/her right to intellectual property, which is entirely different and independent to that of the right of the composer to his musical composition.

           In the celebrated case of Filipino Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers v. Benjamin Tan[8] G.R. No. 36401, the petitioner was denied of relief as they accused the respondent of infringement. The respondent, as the owner of the diner where the song Dahil Sa Iyo was played by a combo to entertain guests, argued that the song was played not for profit purposes but for mere entertainment. Although the Supreme Court was not convinced by the respondent’s argument regarding the performance intention, the petitioner was still not granted with relief because the song in dispute, even before its alleged registration, is already a public domain. Additionally, to say that it was a case of infringement is not sufficient since the combo do not adopt it as it is, as if making it their own composition.  

            It is now well-established from the preceding paragraphs that copyright is bestowed to originally written works to protect their authors’ intellectual property rights. Nevertheless, copyright is not only intended to protect its rightful authors who exerted great amount of effort and time to write, but more so to those intellectual persons in the line of arts which are known to be called as inventors, painters, sculptors and also persons in the field of science such as discoverers and scientists. These masterpieces or works of art who are subjects of copyrights are not just limited to two-dimensional arts but also those of three-dimensional works.[9] The primary reason of subjecting these works of art of a copyright is precisely because of its originality. The originality of such work is directly being expressed through its designs and aesthetics which is the evidence of creativity-- an element of art which makes it an original work. Yet, it should not be misinterpreted that in order to be protected, a work of art must pass into a certain standard based on its aesthetics[10] for this would be discriminatory and subjective. Rather it should be clear that in order to be subjected to a copyright, a certain work should be works of art in themselves which again, would speak of its unique and original features.  

           Photographs are also subjects of a copyright, that is why it is just proper for people especially in social media acknowledging the owner of pictures or photographers of whom they have gotten the photo to upload[11]. Some may wonder what qualities of a photograph meet the criteria of originality and creativity. It actually lies within the mere photo itself because a good photograph is not synonymous to a mere photo taken blatantly. A good photograph is original and creative by the way its photographer has exerted skills and labor finding for the perfect background, lighting, posing and shade arrangements[12]. The selection and arrangement of the necessary elements of taking a good paragraph makes its creation an original and creative work. This specific work captured by its creative taker is rightfully entitled of the copyright of such intellectual property. The legal protection of these works assured persons of professional skills of their rights to ownership.

 Laws on Copyright

           Before introducing special laws that govern intellectual properties of citizens, it should also be pointed out that respect on the intellectual properties of people, in considering originality attributed to its rightful owners, is also given protection that is well-construed in the Civil Code of the Philippines. Title II of such code identifies that intellectual creation is one of the modes of acquiring properties. According to Article 721 of the Civil Code of the Philippines[13], the following persons acquire ownership by intellectual creation:

1.       The author with regard to his literary, dramatic, historical, legal, philosophical, scientific or other work;

2.       The composer, as to his musical composition;

3.       The painter, the sculptor, or other artist, with respect to the product of his art;

4.       The scientist or technologist or any other person with regard to his discovery or invention.

           This connotes that intellectual property rights are not just given for authors in recognition of their written works but also of those intellectuals such as artists, painters and scientists for their respective entitlement of their original masterpieces and inventions. The Civil Code of the Philippines, while it is known to be the collection of laws that govern the private relationship of persons living in the society are not the sole provider of protection for intellectual creations. Below are some of the most significant special laws governing the right to intellectual properties.

Republic Act No. 8293- The Intellectual Property Code of the Philippines

           This law which provides the protection for the above mentioned works of intellectual properties was known for its short title as The Intellectual Property Code of the Philippines. This is known for such as its official title encompasses a wide-range for the said subject which is expressed as “An Act Prescribing the Intellectual Property Code and Establishing the Intellectual Property Office, Providing its Powers and Functions, and for other Purposes.”[14] As mentioned, it is lengthy in its scope that this legal essay would just purposely focus on the part where it specifically provides the protection for the lawful authors and inventors of works entitled of recognition and respect. This code come into effect on the first day of January in the year 1998[15] which was principally authored by the late Senator Raul S. Roco who is also the one responsible for the creation of the Intellectual Property Office.

           One important note that intellectual owners such as authors of written or literary pieces, composers, inventors, discoverers, painters, sculptors and the like is that cases of infringement and violation of copyrights should be filed within four years when the damage has been caused. This is explicitly provided in the mentioned code specifically in Section 226 under Article XIX[16], to wit:

 Section 226. Damages. - No damages may be recovered under this Act after four (4) years from the time the cause of action arose. (Sec. 58, P.D. No. 49)

           From here, people can be guided that the violation of such right to intellectual properties do not just speak of a gross misconduct against persons and their rights to be respected of their intellectual capacities.  This right to intellectual property is so essential to the identity of individual persons much as it also benefits the society. That is why, in order to ensure a positive enforcement of this law, persons who will violate this right will incur criminal liability or punishment. The same code clearly provides the penalties for those persons who will commit such crimes under Section 217 subtitled as Criminal Penalties[17]s, to wit:

Section 217. Criminal Penalties. - 217.1. Any person infringing any right secured by provisions of Part IV of this Act or aiding or abetting such infringement shall be guilty of a crime punishable by:

(a) Imprisonment of one (1) year to three (3) years plus a fine ranging from Fifty thousand pesos (P50,000) to One hundred fifty thousand pesos (P150,000) for the first offense.

(b) Imprisonment of three (3) years and one (1) day to six (6) years plus a fine ranging from One hundred fifty thousand pesos (P150,000) to Five hundred thousand pesos (P500,000) for the second offense.

(c) Imprisonment of six (6) years and one (1) day to nine (9) years plus a fine ranging from five hundred thousand pesos (P500,000) to One million five hundred thousand pesos (P1,500,000) for the third and subsequent offenses.

(d) In all cases, subsidiary imprisonment in cases of insolvency.

The law clearly provides considerations as to warn violators of how this grave this violation can be. The punishment of imprisonment and penalties are categorized based on the number of times the violation is committed that are labelled as first, second and third offense.

Verily, this code specially provides penalties in order to make sure that the right to intellectual properties is protected. This punishments and penalties seem grave enough to promote compulsion for people to obey this rule of conduct. Nonetheless, there will always be a case where one violator can manage to escape the penalties and punishments because of the lack of evidence presented. The question lies on the effectivity of the laws which protect such rights to ownership and originality. People still commit such crimes and manage to simply deny allegations.

The author would want to emphasize the kind of process to which cases on copyright violations are being tried and decided. There should be a more effective way to catch violators such as evidence which are upon violations committed on social media. Accordingly, these evidence if to be submitted as evidence should be based on factual data which is also verifiable if experts are to be faced to the courts as witnesses. The thing is, the legal system should also be kept abreast of the legal developments aligned with the changing technological society.

Conclusion

           To reiterate, the author believes that there is insufficiency in the laws protecting ownership and originality, that is, the copyright law. That is why it would be more beneficial for the rightful authors and writers if amendments of such laws can be made.

 The author argued that the properties subject to copyright laws are satisfyingly laid down already, but those which are also susceptible to be copied should also be included for protection. These original works should include Facebook posts, tweets and blogs especially if these are pleaded and proved as a fact and as an original work by the one who is alleging that they indeed are.

Further, a more systematic way of implementing the laws of copyright should also be observed. This suggests a more advanced way of looking into pieces of evidence which will prove the violations committed by such acts. The author suggests that much as experts in the field of medicine and psychology are being submitted as witnesses, technological experts should also be a demand of evidence through the use of the web are to be used as evidence.

Much as respect is earned as the saying goes, it is also a value that is supposedly inherent to every person who is supposed to give and receive it in return. This is one of those values which the Filipino culture already uphold in their customs and traditions long before the organization of society and social constructs come into play.

Laws in themselves cannot in any way disagree to these ideals. Laws as rules of conduct are but manifestations that human beings greatly recognized the value of the other person much as he/she value his/her person. Humankind values honor and respect and the responsibility of giving what is due to the other. The same line of thought is also the reason which compels the people of authority in enacting laws to incorporate penalties and punishments. This reminds the whole community not to forget these moral values. It is in this manner that the claim of dominance among any other creatures is being proven i.e. by the way we, humans use our rationality to discern what is moral from wrong, just from not and evil from good.  

The crucial concern of intellectual property rights is not limited to lawyers and legal researchers at all. It is significant to all other authors, inventors, musicians and many other intellectuals, regardless of their fields. We are all entitled to ownership and originality as citizens for we are all individually unique. And all of us are entitled of this social responsibility. A person, as part of the community must comply to the rules and regulations being given not just because they are what are being commanded to be done, but because as humans with reason, we also believe undoubtedly that it is the right thing to do for they are just, moral, and right actions.

[1] F.H. Peters, The Nicomachean Ethics of Aristotle (London: Kegan Paul & Co. Ltd.. 1906)

[2]Why Tito Sotto’s Plagiarism Matters, Rappler, 23 August 2012 https://www.rappler.com/thought-leaders/11057-why-tito-sotto’s-plagiarism-matters

[3] Ranhilio C. Aquino, Intellectual Property Law: Comments and Annotations (Quezon City: Central Books Supply Inc., 2014)

[4] Ibid.

[5] Intellectual Property Law, Essentials of Canadian Law, 1997.

[6] Luis B, Reyes, The Revised Penal Code (Quezon City: Rex Printing Company, Inc., 2017), 37.

[7] Ranhilio C. Aquino, Intellectual Property Law: Comments and Annotations (Quezon City: Central Books Supply Inc., 2014)

[8] Filipino Society of Composers vs. Tan, G.R. No. 36401 16 March 1987

[9] Ranhilio C. Aquino, Intellectual Property Law: Comments and Annotations (Quezon City: Central Books Supply Inc., 2014), 44.

[10]  Ibid.

[11] The acronym ctto which means “credits [should be given] to the owner” are being widely practiced now especially in social networking sites.

[12] Ranhilio C. Aquino, Intellectual Property Law: Comments and Annotations (Quezon City: Central Books Supply Inc., 2014), 52.

[13] Civil Code of the Philippines, http://www.chanrobles.com/civilcodeofthephilippinesbook3.htm

[14] Republic Act No. 8293

[15] Ibid.

[16] Ibid.

[17] Ibid.

[evodex]

Sample Chapter: Koffee with Kiran

DREAM #2

The setup: There is an opulent set inside a recording studio. Vividly coloured plush couches and sofas are placed across the floor which complemented the weird graphic art and mood lighting all around. The shoot is about to begin and the production crew scurries across the floor, making last-minute adjustments. The host, a celebrated producer-director and third-generation Bollywood royalty, Ms. Kiran, walks in. She takes her seat on the awkwardly constructed sofa and welcomes the guest, who is, of course, none other than my weighing scale.

Roll, camera, action!

Ms. Kiran: Hello and welcome to yet another exciting episode of Koffee with Kiran. Our guest tonight is a significant gadget, which has numerous amusing stories to tell about its user, Mrs. Google. So, let’s welcome and hear it from the Weighing Scale!

Weighing Scale: Thank you so much. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Ms. Kiran: Why don’t you start by telling us a little about yourself and your user Mrs. Google.

Weighing Scale: Well, as you have already introduced me, I am Mrs. Google’s weighing scale. I have been with her for almost six years now. There is a ritual that the two of us follow every time we are together. She gingerly steps on me, always standing on the tip of her toes. Then she closes her eyes and gives out a low sigh before peering down at my screen. This is usually followed by a disappointed shriek. She then tries to draw her breath and tummy in, before glancing at the numbers again. Obviously, the readings do not change and she instantly gets off the scale, like a crisp golden bread slice popping out of a toaster.

I always wonder about these four things:

Why tiptoe on the scale? Does she think that standing on her toes instead of placing the entire feet on the scale would make her weigh any lesser?

What’s with the astonished shriek? Does Mrs. Google expect to be 20 pounds lighter every time she stands on me? Like, magically?

Then, ‘inhaling deeply and tucking in of her tummy’ part. How is that ever going to bring down the numbers on scale? If anything, she’s only drawing in more air.

Also, what’s the hurry to get off from me? Will the pounds keep adding like the autorickshaw meter if she stands on me for 30 more seconds?

Ms. Kiran: Hmmm. So clearly, there are some issues here. Tell me, how often does she use you?

Weighing Scale: At least six times a day—with and without clothes, before and after meals, before going to bed, immediately after waking up, ahead of her morning walk and also after the leisurely stroll post dinner.

Ms. Kiran: Okay, let me just set the record straight. Is she…errr…fat?

Weighing Scale: Well, I’ll just say that based on her age, height and body type, she should ideally weigh somewhere between 58 and 62 kilograms. But she leans towards the heavier side. She is 36-24-36 + GST (linked to Aadhar). Now you can do the math yourself as I am ethically bound not to reveal the real numbers.

But Kiran, let me tell you and everyone else watching this show that Mrs. Google is not fat! She is just overweight. And there is a huge, huge difference between being fat and being overweight, especially for women.

Ms. Kiran: I agree. Weight is as sensitive an issue for women as age is, perhaps more so when it is slightly on the higher side. If it is impolite to ask a lady’s age, it is worse to peep into the weighing scale when she’s on it.

Backstage you were telling me how Mrs. Google tried to lose weigh, and there are some hilarious stories you have about that stint, right? So, tell us about her journey from fit to fat and then trying to be fit again.

Weighing Scale: Kiran, a few years back, Mrs. Google was much thinner. Well, maybe that’s a wrong choice of words. Let me rephrase, a few years ago, Mrs. Google was less overweight.

She used to comfortably wear size 10 and size 12 in some brands. Then things started to change. Currently, 80 per cent of her old clothes do not fit her anymore and this hasn’t changed in the last one year. Yet she clings on to them, hoping to fit into them once again. Someday.

Gradually, things started trending from bad to worse. Buttons started to pop out and large gaping areas were formed in her shirts, showing off what should be hidden. Zips refused to close till the end. And whatever she wore defined every curve, crevice and fold of her body. She progressively inflated from every corner, angle and side—a 360-degrees all-round expansion. It was hard on both of us.

Ms. Kiran: Oh poor Mrs. Google and poor you too. Then what happened? Did she do anything about it?

Weighing Scale: Yes, of course she did! So, one day, looking at herself in the full-length mirror, Mrs. Google swore aloud, “Enough is enough! This cannot be happening. I ought to get back into shape.” Immediately, she called her closest buddy, Ms. Kukki, who also suffers from this unfortunate affliction. Both of them decided to meet and discuss the way forward.

Ms. Kiran: Oh goodie! A little teamwork always helps. I’m sure they must have found a way to tackle the issue together.

Weighing Scale: Hah! You must listen to what they did. And don’t ask me how I got all the sordid details. I have my sources inside the house.

So, Ms Kukki arrived in that evening and they hugged and air-kissed like besties. While doing so, both women tried to gauge whose girth was wider. Once they settled down, Mrs. Google ordered the house help to make some adrak–wali chai and pyaaz-aloo bhajiyas as it was raining heavily. Lovely weather like this calls for a little celebration, she reasoned. She also instructed her help to bring along the butter-choco-walnut pound cake that her sister-in-law had brought from Dubai last week.

And it was over tea, bhajiya, cake and namkeen that the ladies discussed their woes and swore to take up an exercise routine ASAP. They chalked out a plan too, starting with brisk walking for 45 minutes and then gradually moving towards the gym, later in the week.

Ms. Kiran: Nice. Things are getting interesting. Then what happened?

Weighing Scale: As she visualised her soon-to-be-svelte figure with child-like glee, Mrs. Google was reminded that all her track pants and tees were either two sizes small or out of fashion. She instantly informed Ms. Kukki about the crisis. And within twenty minutes, both ladies were out to buy new workout clothes.

Seeing Mrs. Google’s dedication towards the new regimen, which was reflected in her eagerness to buy new fitness wear and gear, an inspired Ms. Kukki decided to follow suit. How can Mrs. Google shine away in her new, trendy, branded sportswear, while she lagged behind unnoticed in her three-months-old workout clothes?

After one-and-half hours of repeated trying, changing, selecting and discarding loads of ‘dry fit’ technology-enabled fitness wear, they came out of the mall armed with shiny shopping bags containing pairs of slim-fit tights with contrasting and matching dry fit tees, neon coloured sport shoes, two pairs of socks, a water sipper, a post-workout windcheater and a gym bag. Mrs. Google and Ms. Kukki were all set to enter the world of fitness like divas!

On the way back, Mrs. Google even ordered a fitness tracker watch online and downloaded two exercise tracking apps on the phone to keep track of her fitness regimen.

Ms. Kiran: Hahaha! I can’t wait to hear what happened next. Carry on…

Weighing Scale: Kiran sweetie, now I will give you a detailed day-to-day account of how both ladies took on their workout regime. You better sit tight and listen up.

Day 1, 7.00 am: They met at a common point between their houses, all decked up in the shiny new gear. With sweat bands on, a hint of lip gloss for a fresh look and shoes laced up, both started walking briskly and chit-chatted all along. Due to the constant babble and energetic pace, they began to pant within 10 minutes. So, they slowed down to a dawdling stroll and completed the proposed 45 minutes.

Day 2, 7.00 am: The first day had been a great success for them as they managed to complete their walk, irrespective of the speed at which they finished it. Hi-fives were exchanged and the women patted each other’s back. Motivated, they began day two, again with quick steps and relentless chit-chat. But soon the pace decelerated and within 500 metres, they were breathless. Meanwhile, they crossed a spot where office goers stopped by to have their chai-sutta-nashta. The whiff of freshly made kachori and vada sambhar made the women go week on their knees. Mrs. Google looked at Ms. Kooki and raised an eyebrow suggestively. Ms. Kooki gestured her affirmation with a meaningful smile. Within five minutes, they were seated on the plastic stools outside the tapree, gorging on hot kachoris and sipping steaming adrak-wali chai.

Day 3, 7.00 am: Two days down, they felt exhilarated. After all, they had succeeded in keeping up with the schedule. But already a little bored of simply walking, they decided to enter their society’s gym. Inside, they met several acquaintances and neighbours. The first 10 minutes were spent in casual catching up. The ladies made sure to ignore Mrs. Rana, who ate like a horse in all the kitty parties but God knows how still managed to look like a French bean. She was the obvious object of their scorn.

After socialising for a while and fixing their hair in the mirrors mounted on the gym walls for a different purpose altogether, the ladies finally managed to drag themselves towards the cardio machines.

Speed: 4

Elevation: Flat

All through the ten minutes of their ‘light’ cardio, they kept cribbing about the bland song choice and the ineffective air-conditioning in the gym.

Calories burned – 38

Finishing their cardio, they sat down huffing and puffing. The gym instructor, a tall, handsome hunk, came over and asked them if they needed any help or if they would like to do some stretching.

Dumbstruck by his hotness and abs which were clearly visible through his tight vest, they couldn’t say ‘no’, even though their legs were wobbly and begged for mercy. Mr. Instructor demonstrated a few basic stretching exercises and flaunted his own muscles. Trying their best to imitate his immaculate moves, they kept falling in exhaustion and clumsiness. After four whole minutes of awkward stretching, the sweaty ladies found that the instructor was busy with other more dedicated disciples. Making the most of this opportunity, they bolted for the door.

Day 4, 7.00 am: By now, each and every muscle of their body, not in the habit of stretching or working out, were sore and hurting. The duo decided to keep it ‘light’ and stick to plain walking. Walk to the tempting tapri. Gorge. And walk back.

Distance covered – 2 km

Calories burned – 70

Calories eaten – 250

Day 5, 7.00 am: Repeat performance of Day 4.

Day 6, 6.30 am: As expected, their schedule didn’t last very long. And so, Ms. Kukki called Mrs. Google to inform that she wouldn’t be able to make it that day as it was a weekend and she wanted to sleep till little late. Obviously, Mrs. Google was more than happy to agree. She too receded under the covers and went back to her sweet slumber.

I knew from the very beginning that this wouldn’t last long, monotony would kill it and exercising incessantly would die a natural death.

Day 7: Nobody called anybody. And, as they say, sometimes no news is good news. The unannounced verdict found mutual consent.

The entire exercising routine was soon forgotten as Mrs. Google & Ms. Kukki chose painless mornings over demanding fitness. The whole ‘silly’ idea was thrown out of the window.

Ms. Kiran: Such a sad and tragic ending to a thoroughly amusing story. Did she try other methods of losing weight post this swiftly aborted exercise routine?

Weighing Scale: Well, after coming to terms that exercising was not her cup of tea, she tried her hand at all sorts of diets—starting with a weeklong GM diet, moving on to the low-carb Atkin’s diet, followed by the chhass only diet, then the most obnoxious cabbage soup diet, the much-celebrated vegan diet, keto diet and even two days of the ‘cotton ball diet’, in which she dipped small balls of fluffy cotton into juices and smoothies and ate them up. Sadly, nothing passed the threshold of the experimentation phase of first few days.

Ms. Kiran: ‘Cotton ball diet’? Gosh, now this is incorrigible. So, did she give it all up finally?

Weighing Scale: Well, Mrs. Google has stopped experimenting with all the bizarre diets. Someone recently suggested to her ‘sniff the food’ technique. She is currently trying her luck with that. Less eating and more sniffing. I wonder how that will pan out for her.

Ms. Kiran: Hmmm… let’s see what that results in. Do keep me posted on that.

So, moving on, let’s play our exciting rapid-fire round. I will ask you a few questions and you have to answer them keeping Mrs. Google in mind. But remember, the replies have to be rapid and, of course, fiery!

Ready? So, here we go…what is Mrs. Google’s weight?

Weighing Scale: 62 + 8 – 40 + 50 – 2

Ms. Kiran: Very well. Tell us about her one secret that even Mr. Planet doesn’t know.

Weighing Scale: She secretly eat chocolates and candies. Mrs. Google stashes them at various covert places, like inside the vegetable compartment of fridge, in the lower most section of her cupboard, unused purses, side table of her bed, behind the spice rack and even in the loo.

Ms. Kiran: What does Mr. Planet say when Mrs. Google asks him if she is looking fat in a particular dress?

Weighing Scale: Oh, he has this one absolutely figured out and well-rehearsed. It’s always a big, compelling ‘NO’. The genuinely surprised and ‘are you kidding’ wala expression on his face is priceless.

Ms. Kiran: Has Mrs. Google ever shared her actual weight with anyone? If so, with whom?

Weighing Scale: Yes. To her doctor, dietician, personal trainer, a sales person for health insurance purposes and one more sales guy at a bicycle shop, just so that he could give her the precise recommendations. Also, to a ride operator at an amusement park because the ride had to be correctly balanced. But for rest of the world, including Mr. Planet, it is a dark, well-guarded secret.

Ms. Kiran: Share a recent embarrassing incident of hers.

Weighing Scale: Last week, she met a friend after a long time. After shrieks of excitement and cheek-on-cheek air kissing, her friend stepped back and looking at Mrs. Google’s tummy, exclaimed, “Wow, looks like you have some good news there!”

Ms. Kiran: Hahaha! I am sure Mrs. Google wanted to strangle her.

Weighing Scale: You bet! Wait, I got one more. A few days back, she had to stand in a queue at the cash counter of a mall for almost half an hour due to some technical snag in the billing system. So, by the time things got working, she was visibly irritated. The woman behind the desk looked at her upset face and said, “I’m really sorry about your wait.” Without thinking much, courtesy to her bad mood, Mrs. Google snapped back, “You’re not so skinny yourself, madam. Mind you own business, please.” The poor girl did not even try to clarify her intent and resumed work but the ladies standing behind Mrs. Google were in splits. That’s when she realised what the girl had truly meant. She made a quick, embarrassed exit.

Ms. Kiran: OMG! That’s indeed funny.

Okay, tell us five things that make Mrs. Google flip out every time someone mentions in front of her.

Weighing Scale: Hmmm… Yoga, plus size clothing, health food, skinny jeans and people linking her allergies, acne and hair fall to her weight.

Ms. Kiran: If she wakes up as Katrina Kaif, she would….

Weighing Scale: If Mrs. Google wakes up as Katrina, she would go to her office and meet the big boss. She’d ask for a favour, which of course he would undoubtedly grant, she being Katrina for that moment. The favour would be double promotion and a separate cabin for a friend of hers, Mrs. Google.

Ms. Kiran: Haha, that would be a smart thing to do. Thanks a lot for being such a sport. You did very well. Our signature gift hamper, loaded with goodies is on the table next to you.

Now, before you leave, would you like to say something to her through our show?

Weighing Scale: I would like to tell Mrs. Google that although you eat less but you eat wrong. Having some extra weight is not that ‘fat’ an issue as you have made it to be. Being healthy and happy is more important than being thin and sad. So just remember, we all love you for the ‘weigh’ you are!

Next morning, while still in bed, I couldn’t stop laughing at last night’s dream. The incidents shared in it were all factual and indeed hilarious. My husband gave me a puzzled look, seeing me wake up in a happy-but-don’t–know-why state. Inching closer to him swapping my stupid grin with a seductive smile, I whispered, “Do you also love me for the ‘weigh’ I am?”

Perplexed by my unexpectedly amorous mood, barely an hour away from office time, he fumbled, “Of course darling, I love you the ‘way’ you are.”

Ah! If only men could ever understand what woman want (and mean).

My Stuff Speaks 

Author – Sania Siddiqui

Sample Chapter: Koffee with Kiran published first on https://bestbabyinc.tumblr.com

[evodex]

Sample Chapter: Koffee with Kiran

DREAM #2

The setup: There is an opulent set inside a recording studio. Vividly coloured plush couches and sofas are placed across the floor which complemented the weird graphic art and mood lighting all around. The shoot is about to begin and the production crew scurries across the floor, making last-minute adjustments. The host, a celebrated producer-director and third-generation Bollywood royalty, Ms. Kiran, walks in. She takes her seat on the awkwardly constructed sofa and welcomes the guest, who is, of course, none other than my weighing scale.

Roll, camera, action!

Ms. Kiran: Hello and welcome to yet another exciting episode of Koffee with Kiran. Our guest tonight is a significant gadget, which has numerous amusing stories to tell about its user, Mrs. Google. So, let’s welcome and hear it from the Weighing Scale!

Weighing Scale: Thank you so much. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Ms. Kiran: Why don’t you start by telling us a little about yourself and your user Mrs. Google.

Weighing Scale: Well, as you have already introduced me, I am Mrs. Google’s weighing scale. I have been with her for almost six years now. There is a ritual that the two of us follow every time we are together. She gingerly steps on me, always standing on the tip of her toes. Then she closes her eyes and gives out a low sigh before peering down at my screen. This is usually followed by a disappointed shriek. She then tries to draw her breath and tummy in, before glancing at the numbers again. Obviously, the readings do not change and she instantly gets off the scale, like a crisp golden bread slice popping out of a toaster.

I always wonder about these four things:

Why tiptoe on the scale? Does she think that standing on her toes instead of placing the entire feet on the scale would make her weigh any lesser?

What’s with the astonished shriek? Does Mrs. Google expect to be 20 pounds lighter every time she stands on me? Like, magically?

Then, ‘inhaling deeply and tucking in of her tummy’ part. How is that ever going to bring down the numbers on scale? If anything, she’s only drawing in more air.

Also, what’s the hurry to get off from me? Will the pounds keep adding like the autorickshaw meter if she stands on me for 30 more seconds?

Ms. Kiran: Hmmm. So clearly, there are some issues here. Tell me, how often does she use you?

Weighing Scale: At least six times a day—with and without clothes, before and after meals, before going to bed, immediately after waking up, ahead of her morning walk and also after the leisurely stroll post dinner.

Ms. Kiran: Okay, let me just set the record straight. Is she…errr…fat?

Weighing Scale: Well, I’ll just say that based on her age, height and body type, she should ideally weigh somewhere between 58 and 62 kilograms. But she leans towards the heavier side. She is 36-24-36 + GST (linked to Aadhar). Now you can do the math yourself as I am ethically bound not to reveal the real numbers.

But Kiran, let me tell you and everyone else watching this show that Mrs. Google is not fat! She is just overweight. And there is a huge, huge difference between being fat and being overweight, especially for women.

Ms. Kiran: I agree. Weight is as sensitive an issue for women as age is, perhaps more so when it is slightly on the higher side. If it is impolite to ask a lady’s age, it is worse to peep into the weighing scale when she’s on it.

Backstage you were telling me how Mrs. Google tried to lose weigh, and there are some hilarious stories you have about that stint, right? So, tell us about her journey from fit to fat and then trying to be fit again.

Weighing Scale: Kiran, a few years back, Mrs. Google was much thinner. Well, maybe that’s a wrong choice of words. Let me rephrase, a few years ago, Mrs. Google was less overweight.

She used to comfortably wear size 10 and size 12 in some brands. Then things started to change. Currently, 80 per cent of her old clothes do not fit her anymore and this hasn’t changed in the last one year. Yet she clings on to them, hoping to fit into them once again. Someday.

Gradually, things started trending from bad to worse. Buttons started to pop out and large gaping areas were formed in her shirts, showing off what should be hidden. Zips refused to close till the end. And whatever she wore defined every curve, crevice and fold of her body. She progressively inflated from every corner, angle and side—a 360-degrees all-round expansion. It was hard on both of us.

Ms. Kiran: Oh poor Mrs. Google and poor you too. Then what happened? Did she do anything about it?

Weighing Scale: Yes, of course she did! So, one day, looking at herself in the full-length mirror, Mrs. Google swore aloud, “Enough is enough! This cannot be happening. I ought to get back into shape.” Immediately, she called her closest buddy, Ms. Kukki, who also suffers from this unfortunate affliction. Both of them decided to meet and discuss the way forward.

Ms. Kiran: Oh goodie! A little teamwork always helps. I’m sure they must have found a way to tackle the issue together.

Weighing Scale: Hah! You must listen to what they did. And don’t ask me how I got all the sordid details. I have my sources inside the house.

So, Ms Kukki arrived in that evening and they hugged and air-kissed like besties. While doing so, both women tried to gauge whose girth was wider. Once they settled down, Mrs. Google ordered the house help to make some adrak–wali chai and pyaaz-aloo bhajiyas as it was raining heavily. Lovely weather like this calls for a little celebration, she reasoned. She also instructed her help to bring along the butter-choco-walnut pound cake that her sister-in-law had brought from Dubai last week.

And it was over tea, bhajiya, cake and namkeen that the ladies discussed their woes and swore to take up an exercise routine ASAP. They chalked out a plan too, starting with brisk walking for 45 minutes and then gradually moving towards the gym, later in the week.

Ms. Kiran: Nice. Things are getting interesting. Then what happened?

Weighing Scale: As she visualised her soon-to-be-svelte figure with child-like glee, Mrs. Google was reminded that all her track pants and tees were either two sizes small or out of fashion. She instantly informed Ms. Kukki about the crisis. And within twenty minutes, both ladies were out to buy new workout clothes.

Seeing Mrs. Google’s dedication towards the new regimen, which was reflected in her eagerness to buy new fitness wear and gear, an inspired Ms. Kukki decided to follow suit. How can Mrs. Google shine away in her new, trendy, branded sportswear, while she lagged behind unnoticed in her three-months-old workout clothes?

After one-and-half hours of repeated trying, changing, selecting and discarding loads of ‘dry fit’ technology-enabled fitness wear, they came out of the mall armed with shiny shopping bags containing pairs of slim-fit tights with contrasting and matching dry fit tees, neon coloured sport shoes, two pairs of socks, a water sipper, a post-workout windcheater and a gym bag. Mrs. Google and Ms. Kukki were all set to enter the world of fitness like divas!

On the way back, Mrs. Google even ordered a fitness tracker watch online and downloaded two exercise tracking apps on the phone to keep track of her fitness regimen.

Ms. Kiran: Hahaha! I can’t wait to hear what happened next. Carry on…

Weighing Scale: Kiran sweetie, now I will give you a detailed day-to-day account of how both ladies took on their workout regime. You better sit tight and listen up.

Day 1, 7.00 am: They met at a common point between their houses, all decked up in the shiny new gear. With sweat bands on, a hint of lip gloss for a fresh look and shoes laced up, both started walking briskly and chit-chatted all along. Due to the constant babble and energetic pace, they began to pant within 10 minutes. So, they slowed down to a dawdling stroll and completed the proposed 45 minutes.

Day 2, 7.00 am: The first day had been a great success for them as they managed to complete their walk, irrespective of the speed at which they finished it. Hi-fives were exchanged and the women patted each other’s back. Motivated, they began day two, again with quick steps and relentless chit-chat. But soon the pace decelerated and within 500 metres, they were breathless. Meanwhile, they crossed a spot where office goers stopped by to have their chai-sutta-nashta. The whiff of freshly made kachori and vada sambhar made the women go week on their knees. Mrs. Google looked at Ms. Kooki and raised an eyebrow suggestively. Ms. Kooki gestured her affirmation with a meaningful smile. Within five minutes, they were seated on the plastic stools outside the tapree, gorging on hot kachoris and sipping steaming adrak-wali chai.

Day 3, 7.00 am: Two days down, they felt exhilarated. After all, they had succeeded in keeping up with the schedule. But already a little bored of simply walking, they decided to enter their society’s gym. Inside, they met several acquaintances and neighbours. The first 10 minutes were spent in casual catching up. The ladies made sure to ignore Mrs. Rana, who ate like a horse in all the kitty parties but God knows how still managed to look like a French bean. She was the obvious object of their scorn.

After socialising for a while and fixing their hair in the mirrors mounted on the gym walls for a different purpose altogether, the ladies finally managed to drag themselves towards the cardio machines.

Speed: 4

Elevation: Flat

All through the ten minutes of their ‘light’ cardio, they kept cribbing about the bland song choice and the ineffective air-conditioning in the gym.

Calories burned – 38

Finishing their cardio, they sat down huffing and puffing. The gym instructor, a tall, handsome hunk, came over and asked them if they needed any help or if they would like to do some stretching.

Dumbstruck by his hotness and abs which were clearly visible through his tight vest, they couldn’t say ‘no’, even though their legs were wobbly and begged for mercy. Mr. Instructor demonstrated a few basic stretching exercises and flaunted his own muscles. Trying their best to imitate his immaculate moves, they kept falling in exhaustion and clumsiness. After four whole minutes of awkward stretching, the sweaty ladies found that the instructor was busy with other more dedicated disciples. Making the most of this opportunity, they bolted for the door.

Day 4, 7.00 am: By now, each and every muscle of their body, not in the habit of stretching or working out, were sore and hurting. The duo decided to keep it ‘light’ and stick to plain walking. Walk to the tempting tapri. Gorge. And walk back.

Distance covered – 2 km

Calories burned – 70

Calories eaten – 250

Day 5, 7.00 am: Repeat performance of Day 4.

Day 6, 6.30 am: As expected, their schedule didn’t last very long. And so, Ms. Kukki called Mrs. Google to inform that she wouldn’t be able to make it that day as it was a weekend and she wanted to sleep till little late. Obviously, Mrs. Google was more than happy to agree. She too receded under the covers and went back to her sweet slumber.

I knew from the very beginning that this wouldn’t last long, monotony would kill it and exercising incessantly would die a natural death.

Day 7: Nobody called anybody. And, as they say, sometimes no news is good news. The unannounced verdict found mutual consent.

The entire exercising routine was soon forgotten as Mrs. Google & Ms. Kukki chose painless mornings over demanding fitness. The whole ‘silly’ idea was thrown out of the window.

Ms. Kiran: Such a sad and tragic ending to a thoroughly amusing story. Did she try other methods of losing weight post this swiftly aborted exercise routine?

Weighing Scale: Well, after coming to terms that exercising was not her cup of tea, she tried her hand at all sorts of diets—starting with a weeklong GM diet, moving on to the low-carb Atkin’s diet, followed by the chhass only diet, then the most obnoxious cabbage soup diet, the much-celebrated vegan diet, keto diet and even two days of the ‘cotton ball diet’, in which she dipped small balls of fluffy cotton into juices and smoothies and ate them up. Sadly, nothing passed the threshold of the experimentation phase of first few days.

Ms. Kiran: ‘Cotton ball diet’? Gosh, now this is incorrigible. So, did she give it all up finally?

Weighing Scale: Well, Mrs. Google has stopped experimenting with all the bizarre diets. Someone recently suggested to her ‘sniff the food’ technique. She is currently trying her luck with that. Less eating and more sniffing. I wonder how that will pan out for her.

Ms. Kiran: Hmmm… let’s see what that results in. Do keep me posted on that.

So, moving on, let’s play our exciting rapid-fire round. I will ask you a few questions and you have to answer them keeping Mrs. Google in mind. But remember, the replies have to be rapid and, of course, fiery!

Ready? So, here we go…what is Mrs. Google’s weight?

Weighing Scale: 62 + 8 – 40 + 50 – 2

Ms. Kiran: Very well. Tell us about her one secret that even Mr. Planet doesn’t know.

Weighing Scale: She secretly eat chocolates and candies. Mrs. Google stashes them at various covert places, like inside the vegetable compartment of fridge, in the lower most section of her cupboard, unused purses, side table of her bed, behind the spice rack and even in the loo.

Ms. Kiran: What does Mr. Planet say when Mrs. Google asks him if she is looking fat in a particular dress?

Weighing Scale: Oh, he has this one absolutely figured out and well-rehearsed. It’s always a big, compelling ‘NO’. The genuinely surprised and ‘are you kidding’ wala expression on his face is priceless.

Ms. Kiran: Has Mrs. Google ever shared her actual weight with anyone? If so, with whom?

Weighing Scale: Yes. To her doctor, dietician, personal trainer, a sales person for health insurance purposes and one more sales guy at a bicycle shop, just so that he could give her the precise recommendations. Also, to a ride operator at an amusement park because the ride had to be correctly balanced. But for rest of the world, including Mr. Planet, it is a dark, well-guarded secret.

Ms. Kiran: Share a recent embarrassing incident of hers.

Weighing Scale: Last week, she met a friend after a long time. After shrieks of excitement and cheek-on-cheek air kissing, her friend stepped back and looking at Mrs. Google’s tummy, exclaimed, “Wow, looks like you have some good news there!”

Ms. Kiran: Hahaha! I am sure Mrs. Google wanted to strangle her.

Weighing Scale: You bet! Wait, I got one more. A few days back, she had to stand in a queue at the cash counter of a mall for almost half an hour due to some technical snag in the billing system. So, by the time things got working, she was visibly irritated. The woman behind the desk looked at her upset face and said, “I’m really sorry about your wait.” Without thinking much, courtesy to her bad mood, Mrs. Google snapped back, “You’re not so skinny yourself, madam. Mind you own business, please.” The poor girl did not even try to clarify her intent and resumed work but the ladies standing behind Mrs. Google were in splits. That’s when she realised what the girl had truly meant. She made a quick, embarrassed exit.

Ms. Kiran: OMG! That’s indeed funny.

Okay, tell us five things that make Mrs. Google flip out every time someone mentions in front of her.

Weighing Scale: Hmmm… Yoga, plus size clothing, health food, skinny jeans and people linking her allergies, acne and hair fall to her weight.

Ms. Kiran: If she wakes up as Katrina Kaif, she would….

Weighing Scale: If Mrs. Google wakes up as Katrina, she would go to her office and meet the big boss. She’d ask for a favour, which of course he would undoubtedly grant, she being Katrina for that moment. The favour would be double promotion and a separate cabin for a friend of hers, Mrs. Google.

Ms. Kiran: Haha, that would be a smart thing to do. Thanks a lot for being such a sport. You did very well. Our signature gift hamper, loaded with goodies is on the table next to you.

Now, before you leave, would you like to say something to her through our show?

Weighing Scale: I would like to tell Mrs. Google that although you eat less but you eat wrong. Having some extra weight is not that ‘fat’ an issue as you have made it to be. Being healthy and happy is more important than being thin and sad. So just remember, we all love you for the ‘weigh’ you are!

Next morning, while still in bed, I couldn’t stop laughing at last night’s dream. The incidents shared in it were all factual and indeed hilarious. My husband gave me a puzzled look, seeing me wake up in a happy-but-don’t–know-why state. Inching closer to him swapping my stupid grin with a seductive smile, I whispered, “Do you also love me for the ‘weigh’ I am?”

Perplexed by my unexpectedly amorous mood, barely an hour away from office time, he fumbled, “Of course darling, I love you the ‘way’ you are.”

Ah! If only men could ever understand what woman want (and mean).

My Stuff Speaks 

Author – Sania Siddiqui

Sample Chapter: Koffee with Kiran published first on https://bestbabyinc.tumblr.com