#you can't live in the oat ring forever

[msvelawciraptor]

Frank, with everything you've seen lately, the FAE are the bridge too far for you?

[piermanwalter]

According to self-proclaimed experts and leading crystal glass manufacturers online, apparently the answer to "Does this glass contain lead, and if so, how dangerous is it?" is "Go fuck yourself. If you don't buy from me, you deserve to die." I swear to fuck, the *ting* test must be a conspiracy to ensure that every resale hustler grindset shithead and every pretentious blue blood snob shithead will advertise lead crystal any chance they get. "Ooh the unmistakable lasting ring of true crystal-" It's a big bowl. Of course it will fucking *ting*. If I struck a mass produced cake cloche, it will *ting*. If you melted broken beer bottles and gravel into a big bowl, it will *ting*.

I also shouldn't have expected better from professional sources because of fucking course they will mangle all information into advertisements. "Timeless beautiful luxurious lead it contains is harmless unless you misuse it in which case we are doing the world a favour by ridding it of you crystal is softer than glass so it can be cut into intricate shapes crystal is harder than glass so it can be made thinnnnnnerr crystal is softer than glass so you must never put it in the dishwasher crystal is harder than glass so it will last forever unless you destroy it with your clumsy insensate undeserving ill-bred low-class subhuman paws-" Shut the fuck up. I'm losing more brain cells trying to comprehend this fucking shit than I ever will from lead. People like these are personally responsible for half of Earth's extinctions. If I don't get a straight answer soon, I will be personally responsible for half of their extinctions. "Skill issue" you may say, but the only "skill issue" here is how you don't know shit about lead glass either, and/or can't explain a single fucking thing in a way that someone who wasn't carried out of the maternity ward on a crystal platter can understand. If you can't explain everything online, at least have the humility to admit it.

The next time one of you hacks makes another smug asshole video where you *ting ting ting* lead crystal with no comparison with a similar piece of regular glass or posts a "new" article the same as sixty thousand other articles all competing with each-other to be the most useless piece of text ever formulated by mankind like grain entrapment except each grain is a Swarovski jewel that goes *ting* each time it moves, the last *ting* you hear will be my axe bouncing off your thick fucking skull. I hope you go into debt throwing every last cent into your twee Daisy-Fay-wet-dream-ass Etsy antique shop and then you get shut down for fraud and then you get investigated by government tax authority and then you get banned from doing business forever and then 500 vintage-collecting grandmas with no prior association beyond deep justified contempt for you specifically trash your name across every media platform and in-person social agglomeration in perpetuity. I hope every crystal artisan at your company is simultaneously possessed by the spirit of Hephaestus to march into your office en masse and bodily drag you onto the factory floor where they hoist you on their shoulders like the first Olympic athletes did with sacrificial cattle to drop you into the glowing crucible, but as your shoes melt they come to their senses and pull you out so you only have a few superficial burns, but then the glass formulation reacts to your shoes so badly that every batch coming out of that crucible is ruined, but even after the crucible is replaced, the curse of Hephaestus lingers so that every piece of glass produced in that factory is fucked up in some way, and then the company fires you and fines you for all damages and repair costs forever and the curse of Hephaestus follows you until you are living in a hollow tree planting onions in holes you dig by hand. I will throw you down an oubliette and feed you overnight oat breakfast bowls and juice blend sun teas prepared and served in whatever the hell random glassware I find at thrift stores and yard sales. If your own skill in identifying lead glass does not exceed what you deemed fit to share, I will feel no guilt when you die.