#you can tell me how canon any of these are sldkfsldfks

[estarion]

✏️

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ incorrect quotes ft. ROBIN

astarion: as you know i keep a list of all my friends in order of how likely they are to betray me. robin: where am i on the list? astarion: well i can’t tell you that because then you’ll quickly move up or down depending on your reaction.

astarion: alright, listen up you little shits. astarion: not you robin. you’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

robin:  who's in charge here? astarion, shrugging:  usually whoever yells the loudest.

astarion: why don’t you go talk to them? robin, sarcastically: oh. yeah, sure. astarion: what? so you go tell them they’re cute, what’s the worst that could happen? robin: they could hear me.

astarion: what are you talking about robin? you love it here! robin: i'm not sure i do, i think i've just developed stockholm syndrome.

robin: astarion, say aluminum again. it's the entire source of my serotonin during these trying times. astarion: sigh only for you, buddy. alyoouminnieeum.

robin: let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three. robin: one… two… three. astarion: … robin: … robin: see, now i'm just disappointed in both of us.

robin: be careful about succumbing to these sorts of destructive … urges. addiction can be a powerful thing. astarion: so am i. bow down before your new supreme overlord, bitches.

astarion: consider the fundraising over! your hero has arrived! robin: uhh… where did you get so much money from, astarion? astarion: well, you know, i’m pretty good at numbers. i just crunched them, i stretched them, i analyzed my accounts, i timed the market- police sirens start to wail in the background robin: did you rob a bank?! astarion: oh, come on, robin, do you really think so little of me? opens the bag as purple dye explodes on their face robin: astarion: … it was a credit union.