#you can tell i had fun with this one just by the work count🤡

[missbubblesoda]

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (8)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26) | (27) | (28) | (29)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters.) no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 4.2k

“My goodness! You are totally going to find a husband tonight.”

“Do you think it’s too much?” The crisp air flowing in through the open window caressed your bare skin and prompted you to ask the question.

“Who cares? Woman, look at yourself.” Hitch grabbed you by the shoulders and turned you to the mirror.

You examined your reflection again, trying your best to find the confidence required to finally step out of the ladies’ room. You had chosen one of your favorite silk dresses for the occasion: sky-colored, cowl neck that stopped exactly where it was comfortable, and thin bow-tie straps to hold everything up. Yes, definitely a favorite. Favorite, as in ‘best liked’ and not as in ‘frequently worn’. In fact, this was the first time the poor thing ever left your room, where a teenager version of yourself used to wear it late into the night, when the risk of getting caught by your mother equaled zero. She didn’t even know you owned it, but you were certain the thigh slit and the flirty silhouette would be reason enough for her to disapprove. But to be fair, you didn’t remember the fabric ever hugging you this way before. Your body had obviously changed a lot over the years, and you were surprised it still fit.

“Jeez. I really wish I wasn’t on duty tonight, so I could wear one of these.” Hitch let out a disheartened sigh. Her chin was resting on your right shoulder and her eyes examined your reflection from head to toe. When they stopped at the slit in your right leg she said “Those thighs won’t have a problem finding their way into a gentleman’s heart.” She gave you one of those smirks you had missed so much. “Or into his bed…”

“Sadly, I’m not here for that tonight. I’m here for work.”

“Sorry but no one who is here just for work, one, looks this good in a slip dress, and two, takes this long to come out. What about punctuality?”

She was right. You had already taken too long. So, very reluctantly, you decided to walk out the door. But as soon as you stepped out, heads started turning in your direction, the attention mostly coming from women wearing pastry-shaped gowns and opera gloves.

You would be lying if you said you weren’t expecting the attention. You knew the dress had been a daring decision. The moment you slipped on it, you confirmed it had the potential to make heads turn, and maybe some part of you actually wanted a taste of that. Would admitting it make you an attention-seeker? According to your script, however, the scene was supposed to play out a little different, and you had imagined yourself actually enjoying it. But, in real-life, the only thing the dress was succeeding at was awakening dormant insecurities, like that feeling of inadequacy you had almost forgotten about. How could you have forgotten though? You used to be inseparable. That was until you started working at the Survey Corps. You thought of your office, and the familiar picture comforted you for a brief moment, until you remembered it was now miles away.

You smoothed down the front of your dress, in part to look busy and also to dry your sweaty palms, but unlike the silky fabric, the crowd’s eyes felt rough on your skin. And you wished you had decided to wear something less special, something that would allow you to camouflage and pass as one of them. Why did I wear this? Your eyes tried to find the answer in a very promising spot on the floor. Maybe it had been out of pity for the dress. As a dress, it would be disappointing to spend all your life in a dark closet. Maybe it had been for old time’s sake. Since you hadn’t felt that out of place in months, maybe you wanted to remind yourself of the sensation. Or maybe it had all come down to something as simple as the color, and how it reminded you of something you had grown to like so much over the last months.

You turned to Hitch, displaying your bare back to the crowd.

“I can’t do this. Not like this. I’ll go get my coat.”

“Absolutely not. You look perfect, that’s why they are staring, because they like what they see. In fact, I would be worried if they weren-” Her eyes got lost in a particular spot on the other side of the room. “Woah, your boss is hot.”

You turned around and felt like you were coming undone. You didn’t understand why all these eyes were fixed on you, when clearly the best view was across the room, where he was standing.

One look at him and it was obvious that tuxedos had been created just so they could be worn by him. That black suit was exactly the kind of fit a woman would pick out for her man to wear at an event like this. And, while the slicked back hair undoubtedly contributed to the fireworks lighting up all over your skin, the real devil was in all the other details. It was in the way he kept his shoulders back and his chin high as he spoke, in the unconcerned drumming of his fingers against his leg, in the way he threw his head back when laughing, and in the way he seemed to fall into place everywhere he went, whether it was a room full of intimidating people, or a field full of titans. Confidence shone through his skin. Confidence, as well as everything else that made him attractive, came from deep within.

“Alright, now go out there and fulfill your duties.” You felt your friend's hands on your shoulders. “That also includes finding yourself a rich suitor who asks for your hand in marriage.” She whispered into your ear before pushing you into the crowd.

Across the room, the commander was talking to a group of older-looking men. Despite your legs feeling as steady as a house of cards, you started walking towards him. You had successfully made it halfway through the uncomfortable stares, when his eyes finally landed on you. Like everyone else so far, he did a double-take. However, unlike the others, he didn’t turn to the next person to whisper something. Instead, he started making his way to you. And most notably, unlike the others, whose eyes traveled all over your body, back and forth between every patch of exposed skin and resting at all the wrong stops, his didn’t. As he walked to you, his eyes were fixed on yours. And, in that moment, you realized you were very lucky. Because those were the kind of eyes that made the world around you vanish, uncomfortable stares and all.

When you finally met halfway, you decided you would gladly give up your ability to blink. It would be a small price to pay if it meant you would never miss a second of that irresistible smile and the way it made his eyes crinkle. He reached for your hand, and took it in with the kind of gentleness you wouldn’t expect from a man who spends his life around flesh-eating giants.

He brought your hand to his lips, and when they met the back of your fingers, you prayed he didn’t notice all the hairs on your forearms standing on end. The rest of your body was clearly getting jealous of your hand. You could tell by the way your lips parted and let out a very subtle, and you hoped silent, moan.

“May I?” He offered you his arm and you took it promptly, deciding you wouldn’t mind holding on to it for the rest of your life, and if that wasn’t possible, then at least for the rest of the evening.

When you got a closer look at the men he had been previously talking to, you realized you actually knew one of them: Commander Pixis, head of the Garrison. You had never met him formally, but you had seen him a few times around the capital. However, before any introduction could take place, a man with gentle-looking features spoke in a soft voice.

“My lady, Erwin is undoubtedly a very lucky man.”

His words took a few seconds to register with you, but when they finally did, your ears started burning, the sensation spreading like fire to the rest of your face as you realized that they, most likely, still didn't know you were his assistant.

After conversing some more, the commander asked to be excused and guided you to another group of people. And so, as you made your way around the ballroom, you realized there were even more eyes on you now, and it wasn’t surprising, the man beside you was reason enough. But the stares didn’t hold as much weight as they did before, because right now you had his arm to hold.

You glanced up at him, and your lips curved slightly as you remembered the little incident from earlier. Much like that man, these onlookers most likely didn’t know you were just his assistant. And something about that, and the speculations it could lead to, the rumors it could start, and everything else it could imply about you and him, made your insides feel as fizzy as the contents of the glass you were holding. For all they knew, the night would end with your dress discarded on the floor, and bodies tangled under the covers. And you found yourself wishing that whatever assumptions they were making would actually come true.

As the night went on, a couple of things caught your attention. One of them was Captain Levi, who looked like he would much rather attend his own funeral. And the other one was a certain pattern of behavior: Every man you met while holding the commander’s arm, purposely avoided looking at your exposed thigh or bare shoulders, and while their eyes would occasionally linger on your collarbones for an innocent second or two, they would quickly migrate somewhere else.

The evening was already coming to a close when the pattern was sadly broken. To be more precise, it was when you met the group of men standing at the top of the stairs. They had been laughing boisterously and drinking steadily since the evening started. Most of them looked like they were well into their fifties, and all six men were wearing ostentatious sashes dotted with the biggest collection of golden studs you had ever seen. The loudest, and presumably oldest, of them all greeted the commander animatedly.

“Erwin Smith, the legend himself. I’m still waiting for that rematch.” You noticed the cufflinks on his shirt and wondered if those were diamonds, because if they were, then they’ve got to be the biggest in existence. “I’ve been working on my double attacks.”

“Intuition is sometimes far more helpful than memorizing patterns, my lord.” The commander replied in a gentle voice.

“That’s why you’re always one step ahead.” The older man let out a guffaw that, in retrospective, felt a little unnecessary, before turning to you. “Woah. Just like in the game, you never cease to surprise me, Erwin. In very pleasant ways, I must say.” His eyes meticulously outlined all the curves of your body, paying special attention to your covered cleavage, and the amount of time he spent there made you wonder if he had somehow developed the ability to see through fabric. “However, I will never understand how your mind works. There is no way I would bring the missus to an event like this. I mean, the whole purpose of a party is to have fun!” The man and his friends broke out in strident laughter, and that was the only moment his eyes left your body, when he tilted his head back to enjoy his own remark.

“I mean no disrespect to you, my lady,” he may not but his body language sure as hell did, “so please don’t take offense.” With tears in his eyes and still recovering from earlier, he acknowledged you briefly before turning to the commander. “But I was hoping we could become family someday, Erwin. You left quite the impression on my youngest.”

You suddenly felt a burning sensation in your chest, and it had nothing to do with the unsolicited attention it had been getting from the man.

“She asked if you were coming tonight. Sent her regards.” The audacity of this man. If the commander were actually your man, how would you feel listening to all this? “Maybe you could join us for lunch tomorrow. She would be delighted to play against you one more time. She’s brilliant, isn’t she?” And right there and then, you realized there would actually be no difference between how you would feel if you were his wife and how you were feeling in that very moment. This man was basically setting the commander up for a little chess date with his daughter, when his alleged wife, fiancée, girlfriend or whatever, was standing right beside him, holding his arm.

“She’s a very gifted young lady.” The commander’s deep voice contrasted the man’s grating tone. “However, I’m afraid I must decline your kind offer, my lord. I will be returning to the headquarters first thing in the morning.”

“I see.” The man cleared his throat, the gleeful undertone seemingly gone all of a sudden. “Anyway, you’re a lucky man. There’s no denying.” His eyes bore into yours, successfully reminding you of a vulture scavenging for rotting carrion. “Your lady is gorgeous.”

That last remark made you feel like you had swallowed a rock; the way he had said it made your legs feel heavier than concrete; and the stare he had given you while saying it, made you feel as clothed as a titan. You knew once this man found out you were not with the commander, you were done. Once, the words ‘she’s my assistant’ left his mouth, this man would come after you. And you also knew that you wouldn’t get far, not with your legs in that state.

“Yes. She really is.” The commander’s voice sounded a lot like the rainy mornings back at the base. You looked up and found him staring at you, his lips curved into a soft smile, his gaze wrapping you like that well-worn blanket your mother always told you to throw away but you never did. You stared back into his eyes and what you saw, took you back to that day in the Forest of Giant Trees, with his heartbeat like a lullaby, and his arms like a sweet childhood memory.

But then, murmuring sounds came flooding in like muddy water spilling out of the sewers. You turned your head in their direction and realized the older man wasn’t the only one who had taken an interest in your dress, but also his friends.

And you decided you would gladly take the women’s stares over these any day. Who knows, maybe the women had only been thinking about how the color didn’t suit you or how fake the silk looked. But something about the way these men were grinning and whispering to each other told you that they were looking for something in particular, and you were sure it wasn’t the tailor’s name. You would much rather feel cheap and underdressed, than dirty and undressed.

You held onto the commander’s arm with your other hand as well, and snuggled closer, in what seemed to be your body’s desperate attempt to elude the attention.

“If you excuse us, gentlemen.” Much like the seasons, his voice always seemed to know when it was its turn to arrive. He guided you away, and at some point between the top of the stairs and the main hall, his hand came to rest at the small of your back. Even through the fabric, his fingers caused your skin to burn. And for the second time that night, you could feel the rest of your body getting jealous.

“Commander, I think I’ll call it a night.” You announced once you reached the main hall. “Thank you for tonight.” You gently let go of his arm and wondered if that was what autumn leaves felt as they were about to fall from the branches.

He nodded slightly, and, probably having no idea how nice it was going to feel, then said: “I’ll walk you home.”

“Oh don’t worry about it. My house is actually very close.”

“All the more reason to do it then.” His eyes crinkled in that enticing way they usually did and, honestly, you didn’t feel like pretending you were against his proposal.

-

The distinctive smell of frost infused the night air, and slipped into your bustle coat as you walked down the familiar streets that led to your house. There was a lingering warmth still left from the summer, but the mist that hovered above the cobblestones signaled the impending arrival of winter. However, they weren’t fighting for dominance, and you wondered if you would ever know such harmony. You glanced at the man walking just a couple of feet beside you, his eyes, on the road ahead; his mind, somewhere you didn’t know; but his hands, his hands were in his pockets, and you wanted to reach inside his coat and take one.

It had been a dreamy night for the most part, but you could feel your heart shrinking a little with every step you took. Every passing street light signaled another lost chance at getting closure. And you still had lots of words awaiting in your tongue, lots of questions lingering on your lips, and your mouth was heavy with all the things that were yet to be said.

“Lord Wald seems to have problems with alcohol.” He spoke in his usual quiet voice, but there was a certain undertone propping up his words.

“Didn’t seem like that to me.” He looked at you, slight confusion painting his features and causing his head to tilt to one side. “They seemed to get along quite well.”

He chuckled. And you couldn’t stop yourself from doing the same.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.” His eyes were fixed in the cobblestones below his feet, and the underlying something from earlier was still there, but this time you were able to put a name to it: it sounded like remorse.

“It’s okay.” You gave him a reassuring smile, even though he wasn’t looking. “But I feel bad for his wife, and honestly for any woman who crosses paths with him when she’s not around.”

“I highly doubt her presence makes any difference when it comes to his behavior.”

You looked at your hands, they were holding each other as if seeking comfort. “So, you play with her often?” You felt his gaze on you but didn’t look back. “His daughter.”

“Met her once. Very impressive player. Cannot say she got it from her father though.” You faked a smile at the exact same moment a tide of regret washed over you, finally understanding what your mother meant when she said chess was an important life skill.

And speaking about your mother, you caught a whiff of a familiar and otherwise pleasant earthy scent and prayed you wouldn’t find her beloved climbing hydrangea, but when you looked up, it was there. And so was your front door.

“It’s here.” You took a deep breath and released the parting words you had been dreading to say. “Thank you for walking me home, commander.”

He took a step closer, reached for your hand and brought it to his lips, but this time, they parted slightly, taking your knuckles between them in a single, soft kiss. The warmth of his lips and the crisp autumn air blowing on wet skin created a delicious contradiction on your hand. His eyes were closed and his lips lingered, some would say for way longer than was required for a hand kiss. It was a sight deserving of a moan, so you gave him a silent one. One that created a playful tickle in your belly.

But maybe it wasn’t silent enough, because in that very moment he looked back at you. And, as you stared back into the deep blue, you realized those were the kind of eyes that could tell you a million things before his lips could even say a word. Tonight, they were telling you something as well, and although you didn’t know exactly what it was, you knew a few other things.

You knew why your skin tingled under his gaze, and burned under his touch. You knew why the sight of him lifted your heart to the sky while his absence made it sink into a bottomless pit. You knew why his scent reminded you of every secret place you hid in as a little girl, and his voice, of a happier future you wanted to escape to. You knew why the thought of another woman interested in him set your heart on fire, and the idea of him interested in her, crushed it into pieces. And you also knew why you had worn the dress.

You knew the blue of the silk would complement your skin just the same way the blue of his eyes did. You had decided to wear the dress just so you could feel what it was like to have his eyes all over your body. His eyes were not only allowed, but welcome and explicitly invited, to explore every inch of your skin, covered or not. He could stare as much as he wanted, for as long as he wanted, in all the places he wanted. But only him. Because you had worn the dress for him. However he was too much of a gentleman to do it, so you gave him permission.

“Do you like my dress?” You took a step closer, and noticed your hand was still in his.

His eyes drifted to your lips, where they lingered for a second, before following the path marked by your collarbones, down to your clothed breasts where they rested momentarily. Then, they paid a short visit to your hips before finally landing on your thigh, visible through the open coat. It was there where they seemed to feel most at home. And it was then, when you had his eyes on your bare skin, that you became aware of how soaked you were. You squeezed his fingers on instinct at the realization, which caused him to trace his steps back to your eyes.

“Very much.” His voice, almost a whisper; his lips, slightly parted. And you could see his breath, as well as the rising and falling of his chest. He was so close you wondered if he could see what you were thinking of, if he could see how much you wanted him to take the silky fabric off you.

In such proximity, his cologne was even more intoxicating. It was musky and clean, like a fresh bubble bath; sweet and gentle, just like him. You knew it was something you would always crave, even after tonight was long gone. And you wondered how many women had been in this intimate space before, and how many of them were craving his perfume right now.

The small of your back was still tingling from where he touched you earlier. And the rest of your body was demanding the same attention, so you took another step closer.

Goodness, he was so handsome. The kind of handsome that makes you want to know how his lips moved in a kiss, and how his hands followed the curves of your body. And the situation laid out before you provided the perfect opportunity.

The perfect opportunity to stop pretending your feelings were written in some foreign language you had never heard before. The perfect opportunity to call it what it was, once and for all.

“Commander.”

“Yes?” His eyes couldn’t decide between yours and your lips.

“There’s something I want to ask you.” Your voice had never sounded so feeble. “Would you- would you please-” He nodded encouragingly but his breath on your skin was too distracting, successfully causing the opposite effect. “I- I can’t tell you.”

“Then show me.”

His eyes were holding your gaze, and his lips, you could almost taste them.

You could also hear, however, shuffling on the other side of the door, and you looked up to find a light turned on in the second floor.

“If it’s my mother, she’ll ask you to come in. If it’s my father, he’ll force you to.” He let out a chuckle and you found yourself wishing you could make him laugh forever. “Would you like to come in?”

“It’s late. I don’t want to importune anyone.”

“Good choice. If you get my father started, he’ll talk about royal family conspiracy theories all night long.”

“Sounds interesting.”

You did your best to return his smile despite the emptiness you felt when letting go of his hand.

“See you tomorrow, commander. Good night.”

-

next chapter

taglist: @elnyrae @angelaevangelion @depitaangeline @ynackerman9499 @afatalheat @pumpkin-toffee

[videovamptramp]

the great war pt 1

natasha romanoff x fem reader

warnings: if you count flirting as cheating then nats a cheater 🤡, angst, breakups, idk why i can never write fluffy shit…, kinda mean nat?, natasha’s a bad girlfriend but she means well.

(part 2 will be uploaded on saturday or sunday morning depending on where u live! i already have it written, just need to revise and edit 😊)

//

natasha knows treating you the way she has isn’t enough. she knows she’s doing almost everything wrong in the relationship. she doesn’t understand intimacy too well (if not at all), she barely grasps the concept of monogamy (it doesn’t help that she flirts with almost every woman she meets), and she doesn’t understand you at all. sometimes, you feel like she doesn’t even try. above all of that, natasha has never even told you that she loves you. it’s been two and a half years, and she’s never said it. some days, natasha racks her brain trying to figure out why you haven’t left yet.

natasha loves you. she knows this, though she doesn’t know if you do. she wonders if you know just how much she loves you; how she often craves those gentle touches of yours that only you can give her. you read her so well, she never even has to ask, you just know. whenever she’s had a bad day or a tough mission, you somehow know. whenever she wakes up craving pancakes, there you are making pancakes without her even saying anything about it. it’s funny, wanda maximoff is the mind reader, but you seem to be the only one who can truly read natasha romanoff.

though, tonight— tonight you aren’t too sure about what natasha’s doing, or what she wants. you’re currently at the bar with kate and yelena, while watching natasha flirt with maria hill right in front of your face. you’ve had to sit through not one, but two sexy dances. watching your girlfriend let her work partner grind all over her isn’t actually how you imagined the night going. the truth was you didn’t even want to come out tonight, but you did for her. she asked you to come out with her, and now you’re sitting at the bar watching her practically undress maria with her eyes.

you chug the rest of what’s in your drink, and turn your attention back to yelena and kate. ��i think i’m gonna head home. i’m not feeling too well.” you half lie, and kate’s face falls. “what?! but you’ve only been here for an hour! come on, stay! don’t let natasha ruin your night.” kate tries, and yelena smirks. “you know, you and i can always dance and make her jealous.” yelena offers, and you giggle sadly. “thanks lena, but that’s not what i do... truthfully, i don’t even care anymore. if she wants to flirt or hookup with hill tonight, that’s fine.” you sound exhausted, and this causes both of your friends expressions to morph into looks of concern. “i’m tired...” you trail off, and you stop yourself to keep your voice from breaking.

... i’m tired of trying to be what she wants. i’m tired of not being enough.

you clear your throat, reaching into your pocket and pulling out a twenty dollar bill for your now finished drinks. “at least let me drive you home!” kate tries, and you shake your head. “no, you stay. have fun! i’ll get a cab.” you assure her, and she looks like she wants to protest but you quickly gather your things and stand up, adjusting your dress. “if nat notices i’m gone, which i doubt she will, tell her i went home.” you request, and yelena only nods as you walk away. you turn your head and catch a glimpse of maria whispering something in natasha’s ear. whatever it is it makes natasha grin in a way you haven’t been able to in months.

your heart feels like it’s being squeezed in your chest, but you manage to pry your eyes off of them, the image fully engraved into your mind as you walk out of the club.

“should we be worried? about her? like i know natasha’s your sister and all, but she’s cheating right in front of our eyes.” kate points out as she sips her fruity drink. yelena looks over at natasha who’s still talking to maria, seemingly unaware that you had even left. yelena shakes her head, “natasha? she’s always like this. she pushes and pushes until she pushes the person she loves to snap or leave. you can call it what you want, but i call it self sabotage.” yelena blurts out her retort, and kate shakes her head. “but y/n loves her, yel. i’m really concerned, because she’s willing to let natasha cheat on her. who does that?” kate asks and yelena sighs, reaching for another shot.

“someone who’s tired. she’s probably... how do you say... mentally gone already? yeah, that’s it. she probably doesn’t care anymore about what natasha does.” yelena says, and kate’s face changes as she notices natasha somehow is now behind yelena, and can hear everything the blonde is saying. “i mean, would you? she’s given maria hill more attention in the last hour and a half than she has given y/n all month.” yelena adds, “i wouldn’t be surprised if natasha gets home one day and she’s gone.” yelana continues and kate shakes her head, flashing yelena a look of panic.

“what? do i have something on my face?” yelena asks, and natasha clears her throat from behind the blonde. yelena turns around, and is seemingly unfazed by her sisters sudden presence. “well if it isn’t the woman of the hour! how is your night fling going, сестра (sister)?” yelena asks with a drunk smile on her face, causing natasha to scoff. “fling? and do i wanna know what you were just talking about? or why?” natasha asks, and yelena chortles sardonically. “yes, your fling. your shield partner who you’ve been dry humping all night in front of your girlfriend.” yelena answers and kate sips her drink awkwardly, trying to avoid natasha’s harsh gaze.

“you know what yelena? what do you know about my girlfriend?” natasha asks bitterly, knowing too well about yelena’s not so little crush on you. yelena rolls her eyes, “apparently more than you. y/n has been gone for almost half an hour now, and you haven’t even noticed. i may not have experience in relationships, but i know you’re not supposed to hurt her all the time.” yelena states, and natasha’s fists ball up. “i hurt her all the time?? is that what she tells you?” natasha asks and yelena huffs. “obviously not, natalia! you know she practically worships the ground you walk on! you know what i think? i think when you know someone loves you, you never think twice about them again.” yelena spits harshly, and natasha’s hard expression falters at the words.

“people like you truly don’t know what they have until it’s gone. and when she realizes she deserves better than catching a cab on her own in the middle of november— better than watching you give someone else attention while you’ve barely spared her a single glance since you’ve been back from your mission— she’ll be fine. she’ll find better. but you won’t find someone who loves you that much again, and you know it.” yelena says through gritted teeth, and natasha is staring into yelena’s eyes as if she could see right into her soul.

kate was positive someone was going to get murdered tonight, and it was definitely going to be yelena. until natasha shifts from one foot to the other, and sighs, “where’d she go?” natasha demands, and yelena chuckles, “oh now you care?” the blonde asks, and kate puts her hand on yelena’s shoulder. “she went back home.” kate cuts in, and natasha only nods. she avoids yelena’s gaze before talking again, “i do love her.” natasha starts, and yelena rolls her eyes, turning her head to the side in order to gaze away from natasha.

“you’re both the only two people i love unconditionally in this world.” natasha adds and yelena seems to soften only a bit at the words. “you have a funny way of showing it, сестра (sister).” yelena murmurs, and natasha sighs as she looks at kate, silently apologizing like a scorned puppy. “she’ll forgive you. she always does.” kate tries to reassure the redhead but this only makes her feel even more guilty. natasha nods, but says nothing else. “you better gravel.” yelena blurts out, snickering as natasha walks away.

the entire way back to your guys shared apartment, natasha thinks about you. the way she’s treated you. yelena’s words ring through her head, and she can’t help but grimace she thinks about them.

“you know what i think? i think when you know someone loves you, you never think twice about them again.”

that couldn’t be further from the truth. yet, yelena’s words still hurt. what if you think the same way as the blonde?

“i wouldn’t be surprised if natasha gets home one day and she’s gone.”

yelena’s words hold heavy weight and meaning, and they manage to make natasha’s blood run cold. she doesn’t want to think about you leaving, but she’d be lying if she said she never does. every day she thinks about how much better you deserve, and how wonderful you are. she thinks about all the little things you do for her, like purchasing her favorite brand of hot cocoa from the grocery store. the way you always leave sticky notes on the mirror, telling her you love her. she notices every little thing you do for her. from the way you organize her drawers, to the way you cook dinner based on the foods she prefers.

when she gets home there’s a chilling, deafening silence in the apartment. there wasn’t a single sound other than the sirens and noises coming from the busy streets of new york. “detka?” natasha calls out, as she shuts the door behind her. when she walks in, she sees your sweater from tonight carelessly thrown on the back of the couch. the redhead walks further into your shared apartment, and as she approaches her bedroom, her heart sinks.

you’re not here.

“y/n?” natasha asks, her voice louder this time. when she’s met by more silence, a wave of panic washes over her. “no— shit, fuck—“ natasha slurs while she curses as she fumbles with the purse in her hands, her slightly shaky hands searching for her phone. something in her chest tightens as she unlocks her phone, the screensaver she has of you eating ice cream would in any other case make her smile. right now it makes the uncomfortable pit in her stomach grow as she starts to sober up while pressing on your contact information.

the phone rings twice before natasha can hear your phone ringing somewhere in the kitchen. natasha rushes over in the direction of the sound, and when she sees your phone on the counter, her heart drops right into her stomach. that little condescending voice in her brain is screaming ‘she left. of course she left you, who wouldn’t leave you after all the shit you’ve pulled?’ along with things like ‘yelena was right.’ ‘you never deserved her anyways.’ ‘you’re just a whore, natalia.’

her thoughts are suddenly interrupted by you casually entering the apartment wearing your pink velvet short pajama set. your hair is in unruly curls, and you nearly stop in your tracks at the sight of your girlfriend standing in the middle of the apartment with an inscrutable expression on her face. “you’re home?” you ask uncertainly, yet your voice and face don’t indicate any signs of anger. in fact, you sort of look confused. it’s hard for natasha to swallow as her hands tremble and she lets out a breath of slight relief as she realizes you’re back. “what’s wrong?” you question after not getting an answer from your gaping girlfriend.

“i— i got home and you weren’t here... where— where’d you go?” natasha asks, swallowing past the lump in her throat. her fists are opening and closing, and she’s standing robotically across the room. you step closer to her subconsciously, “mrs. rodriguez knocked; mr. whiskers got loose in the building and i was helping her look for him. we found him on top of the vending machine on level three.” you reveal, explaining your short absence to the ex-assassin. “why are you home so early?” you ask nonchalantly, as you walk past natasha, towards the counter where your phone is.

“you left early. why’d you leave?” natasha asks, ignoring your question, and you notice the way her voice breaks every so slightly. you furrow your brows, “i— i was tired, and i didn’t want to ruin your night... i told yelena and kate to let you know.” you retort, and natasha folds her arms. “you should have told me.” she states, and you raise a brow. “and interrupt whatever the hell was going on between you and maria? no thanks, i was already humiliated enough.” you murmur, and natasha tenses up.

“there’s nothing going on between me and agent hill.” she says seriously, and you roll your eyes. “does she know that? because she was blushing at everything you were saying tonight.” you respond smartly, and natasha scoffs, her crossed arms tightening over her chest. “i didn’t do anything tonight that i don’t usually do when i go out.” she points out, and you sigh, pushing your hair behind your ears. you look at natasha, and she can see on your face how exhausted you are. “yeah, i know.” you say under your breath, “that’s the problem.” you add as you go to leave and natasha moves with you, blocking your way to the bedroom.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” she asks a bit demandingly. you shake your head, “it doesn’t mean a thing to you, i know that.” you respond, your tone lacking it’s usual softness. natasha pauses, and you sigh. “look, i’m really tired, okay? i can’t do this whole fight just to make up thing tonight. i’m going to bed.” you declare, and natasha blinks a few times as you manage to make your way past her and towards the bedroom.

“you’re tired... tired of me?” natasha asks, her voice different than it usually is. this causes you to stop and turn back to look at her. “i’d never get tired of you. ever.” you affirm certainly, but your answer doesn’t seem to satisfy natasha. your shoulders slouch a bit, “i’m tired of the way you make me feel, nat.” you admit, your tone low, and your eyes on the floor. “i’m tired of laying awake at night while you’re out flirting and doing who knows what with people i have to face day to day, and they all wonder the same thing i do. i know it.” your voice cracks as you swallow thickly in order to keep your voice clear. “and what’s that? what are they all wondering?” she asks in a manner you’ve never heard before. your eyes meet hers, and for the first time she can see just how hurt you are.

“if i’m even enough for you. or why you’re even with me in the first place.” you whisper, looking away as your eyes begin to water. the way your bottom lip begins to quiver, and the way your eyes are begging for an answer makes natasha’s heart shatter. “detka...” natasha trails off, her voice faint and quiet. you shake your head, trying to be strong as your teary orbs meet hers. “you know you don’t have to pretend to love me, or settle for me... right? i— i’m a big girl, natasha, i can handle the truth. i think... i think i deserve the truth.” your voice trembles, but you keep your gaze locked on natasha despite the tears in your eyes and you’re trying to blink them away rapidly, causing each tear to fall one by one; streaming down your cheeks to your jaw.

the titian-haired woman stares at you for a long moment, her eyes now glossy and full of anguish. the flicker of emotions in those forest-green orbs does nothing to ease your fears and anxieties that are creeping up on you. tonight’s the night, you think, the night she finally admits you’re not enough for her. you never will be. “pretending to love you? is that what you think i’m doing?” natasha inquires in pure disbelief. “you think i don’t really love you? you think i settled for you??” natasha asks, sounding more upset than you’ve ever heard her. you don’t know what comes over you, but the dam that’s been poorly put together, finally bursts.

“not just me, natasha… everyone thinks that. and tonight— god, tonight you were just showing me how you really feel and i need to stop ignoring it.” you breathe out, the end of your palms digging into your eyelids, as you try your absolute hardest to ignore the urgent need to cry. natasha shakes her head, “that’s not true! i love you more than i love anything! you know that!” natasha raises her voice, and you stare at her with a pained expression. “i don’t. not anymore, and especially not after everything you’ve done.” you respond in a monotone.

natasha stares at you, trying to figure out your next move, but for the first time since she’s met you, she can’t. “maybe... maybe you should just go. go back to the club... back to maria. i’m sure she’ll be more than happy to let you stay at her place... just till i can find a place of my own—“ you begin to ramble, and natasha’s eyes widen. “no!” she shouts, causing you to nearly flinch. “no, please— please don’t. please... don’t make me go.” natasha begs, her voice cracking and you can’t help but flash her a heartbroken expression.

“what else can i do, natasha? i’m not going to compete with her. i can’t... not when she’s obviously the better choice for you.” you hug your arms around yourself, turning away from natasha in order to hide the insecurity written all over your face. “the better choice?” natasha asks unrecognizably, and you turn to face her; the look on your face shatters her. “please don’t make me say it.” you beg, you’re heartbroken enough. “you’re going to have to, because i don’t understand. on what planet is maria hill a better choice than you?” natasha asks, and your fingernails dig into your upper arms.

“just... just leave me alone for the rest of the night. please.” you plead, and she takes a step closer to you, causing you to instinctively take a few steps back. “not tonight.” you add in a strained tone, natasha swears the floor might swallow her whole, and she desperately wants you to hold her. but the way you looked at her— you look absolutely disappointed in her. it makes her realize yelena had more of a point than she anticipated. you turn away, facing your bedroom, and you’re ready for this night to end already. you’re exhausted and all you wanted was to watch movies and cuddle tonight. instead you got this. again.

“i’m sorry.” natasha croaks out, and you close your eyes tightly, clenching your jaw. “me too.” you manage to voice out as you walk into the room, shutting the door behind you. the sound of the lock makes natasha’s heart fall further into that pit that only seems to be growing.

natasha’s legs feel like jelly as she shuffles to the bedroom door. her nose practically touches the cold wood, “i’m sorry.” natasha repeats through the door, “i’ve been a shitty girlfriend. i haven’t treated you the way you deserve, and i know that. i don’t mean to be this way...” her tone is broken and frail, and you stare at the door with tears falling out of your eyes. “the truth is, i don’t know why i do a lot of things. i was trained for everything...” natasha trails off, her voice getting caught somewhere in her windpipe. she swallows past the lump in her throat, “... but i wasn’t trained to keep a good thing. i’ve never had a good thing like this, and when you say you’re not enough for me, that’s just not true. i’m not enough for you.” natasha doesn’t realize she’s crying until she can taste the bitter salt on her lips, falling off her jaw and down to her collarbone.

her forehead is touching the door, and she lets out a ragged breath, squeezing her eyes shut. you don’t say anything, and god, she‘s terrified that she fucked this up beyond repair. then, she hears the door click, and she stands up straight, sniffling as you open the door. you peak through, your eyes full of tears, and they only multiply when you see her red and puffy eyes. she’s staring at you like a lost puppy and you reach for her, immediately seeking her comfort. natasha wraps her muscular arms around the back of your neck, pulling you flush against her. you both say nothing as she holds you in her arms, crying simultaneously. natasha’s arms are wrapped around your neck and she breathes you in. she never wants to let you go.

a few minutes of silence tick by, “i can’t do this anymore, nat…” you whisper, and the words make her heart fall deeper into that blackhole. there’s tears falling out of your eyes and you sniffle as you pull away from the taller woman. “i c-can’t keep doing this. i’m… i’m gonna stay at lizzie’s for awhile.” your voice cracks, and natasha’s eyes widen, she shakes her head quickly, “no— detka please. i can fix this. please, just give me a chance to fix it.” she begs, and you look down, the salty tears streaming down your cheeks. “no nat. i— i need time to think… i don’t want to feel this way anymore.” you express, your hand on your chest as if she’d literally taken a knife and stabbed you through the heart. natasha feels an enormous amount of guilt and regret as she realizes just how badly her actions have affected you.

“baby please… i’m sorry. i don’t want you to leave.” her voice cracks, and her mascara is running. she looks heartbroken, but so do you. it took her this long to realize you’ve been feeling this way, and it was all because of her foolish actions. “you should’ve thought about that before… you really hurt me, nat.” you try to sound strong, but the way you’re crying makes you feel weak. you turn around and make your way into your bedroom, ready to gather a bag of your things then call your sister to come and get you. natasha’s stuck in place as she watches you move around the bedroom, packing a duffel bag. her hearts pounding in her ears, she can’t move or say anything as you talk on the phone with your sister and she agrees to pick you up.

her body doesn’t feel like her own as you throw on a pair of jeans and your own hoodie; it becomes too real as you put your shoes on. she feels like a robot, standing in the middle of her bedroom. you give her one last look before throwing your bag over your shoulder and leaving; you don’t even realize you take natasha’s heart with you when you leave. after the door slams, the silence engulfs her and she can physically feel her heart break in two. what the hell did she do?

[beep-beep-sunny]

I wrote two new chapters 🌈☀️🐢🤡

Chapter 4: Hank's My Best Friend Ever! 

"Okay Hank, this is very important.” I started to explain. It was nap time, so I had to whisper. I had my mat pulled up right next to Hank's. Hank had a big smile while he listened. He was always a good listener. Probably because I told lots of good stories. “My daddy likes boys.” 

“What else would he do?” Hank poked his cheek. “You're a boy, so if he didn't it would be really sad actually.” 

“No, no.” I waved him off with my cast. “I mean he likes boys like mommies like daddies.” 

“Woah.” Hank said. “That's so cool. I wish my daddy likes boys too.” I knew I could count on Hank to see things my way. My daddy was pretty cool after all.  

“I think my daddy should be in love with Mr. Tozier.” I explained and smiled a lot. It was such a great idea. 

Hank didn't smile, he looked worried. “But Frankie, he's our teacher.” 

“So, what?” I folded my arms. 

Hank seemed like he really had to think about it. That made sense because he was being silly. “It's weird.” 

“That's a horrible reason, Hank.” I shook my head. I really expected more from my best friend ever. 

“What if he treats you different?” Hank pushed his fingers together. 

I huffed. What a dumb thing to say. “It would only be good different cause he'd give me less work and maybe let me go home early.” I hadn't thought about any of that, but a teacher daddy had to have perks. 

“Woah.” Hank said. “Okay, what do we do?” I knew Hank was a good friend! Now I had a whole helper! We'd definitely make it happen!

“Well, I already tried this.” I proudly held up my cast. 

“You did that on purpose?” He asked, scrunching up his face. What was the big deal? It didn't even work. 

“And when I knocked over the kitchen.” I smiled wide. They were all very good plans, so the next one would definitely work! 

Hank frowned again. “That broke off the sink and now it doesn't fit.” 

“It was for a good reason.” I said. “My daddy needs love!” 

“I guess so.” Hank still pouted, so I made a funny face and oinked like a pig. That's what Mr. Tozier would do. 

Hank giggled a lot until a girl on the mat next to us said, “Shhh!” That just made us giggle more. 

We put my plan in action just after nap time. Hank went up to Mr. Tozier and got his attention. “Look, Mr. Tozier!” He said, then started trying to put his whole fist in his mouth. I had to try really hard not to laugh. At first, Mr. Tozier watched, but as I expected, he tried to stop him after that. 

That's when I made my move! I slipped behind the cubbies on the wall. There was just a tiny little bit of space, but I slipped in like a super spy when no one was looking. I could still see everything! My plan was working perfectly. 

A few minutes later, everybody got their bins from the cubbies to start working. Hank went straight back to Mr. Tozier. “Excuse me, Mr. Tozier?”

“What's on your mind, Hankster?” He winked. I sighed. What was my future other daddy doing giving fun nicknames to other little boys? Very inconsiderate! 

“Have you seen Frankie?” Hank asked. The smile grew wider on my lips. I tried hard not to giggle. Mr. Tozier's smile went away completely. He hopped up and started looking all around. I held my breath. He checked in the lockers. Good thing I decided not to hide there! That was a close one. He checked in the trash can. I definitely wouldn't have ever hid somewhere like that. Unless I got really desperate to think of a good spot I guess.

Mr. Tozier looked back at Hank. “Hank, do you know where he is?” I crossed my fingers in both hands. Hank, please don't be a tattletale at a time like this! “If you do, please tell me. Neither of you will be in trouble.” 

Hank shook his head. “I think you could call his daddy.” Hank added. Yes! I knew Hank was my bestest friend ever for a reason! We did it! My daddy was about to meet the love of his whole life! 

Chapter 5:  They Meet and I'm Cute

It got a little boring waiting in my hiding place. My back hurt too because the plug on the wall was poking it, but it was all worth it for my daddy! 

Mr. Tozier had been pacing around and Hank was obviously trying really hard not to look over at me. He was doing a very great job. 

It felt like forever and ever, but finally I heard someone stomp in the room. Daddy! I could tell it was him. I was so happy I almost gave up my hiding spot. I put my hand over my mouth just in case. 

“Unbelievable.” My daddy said. “Your one job is keeping the children in your care safe and my child breaks his arm and then goes missing! I hope you don't like your job.” I frowned. This wasn't right. They were supposed to fall right in love at first sight!

“Sir,” Mr Tozier started talking, surely he would fall in love with my great, awesome daddy! “With all due respect, this is not an easy job. They haven't replaced my classroom aide since he quit.” I remembered Ms. Ramsey. She snorted when she laughed. I always wondered when she'd come back. “Trust me that the welfare of my students is the thing I care most about.” 

“So, is it just my son that you are lax with?” Daddy said, still sounding angry. This wasn't good! 

“No. I care very much about your son.” Yay! I knew I was the favorite. He'll definitely love my daddy just so he can be my other daddy. I'm so cool. “I've actually been very worried about him. He's been acting out a lot.” More like I've been trying really hard to get you two knuckle sandwiches to be in love! Give me a break. 

“Of course he has been with this level of instruction and look at this deathtrap!” My daddy held up the broken part of the play sink and waved it around. 

“Frankie broke that actually. He just shoved it over while other kids were playing with it.” I smiled, a little proud even though that plan didn't work. 

Daddy frowned and crossed his arms. He had the line in his face he got when he was worried and the other one he got when he was mad. “Well, can't you watch him better? If you just-” Daddy put a hand over his mouth. Mr. Tozier put a hand on daddy's shoulder. It was happening! Frankie Kaspbrak you genius! “I'm sorry.” Daddy said. “This just isn't like him.” 

“From what I understand, he's going through a lot right now.” Mr. Tozier said with his kindest tone. 

Daddy gasped. “Are you trying to blame this on the divorce? You're the one that lost my son!” Daddy's voice squeaked like it did the time I found a baby rat and brought it in the house as my pet. 

“I'm not blaming it on anything.” Mr. Tozier was so calm. I wanted him to make a cool animal sound so my daddy would stop being so mad. “I think he's probably hiding. It seems like it's been about attention. It's like he wants me to call you. Specifically you. I don't mean to pry, but has the divorce made it difficult for you to spend time with him?” That's not it at all! I do want to see daddy more and everything, but that's not why I was making these really smart plans. Clearly I was doing something right because it worked. 

“No. That's ridiculous. We should call the police. A kidnapper could be getting further and further away by the second.” No! That wasn't what I wanted at all. It was time to make my great reveal! They'd both be so happy to see me and we'd all laugh and smile together. 

I started trying to wiggle out of my hiding spot, but when it got to my arm with the cast with lots of decorations on it, it didn't budge. Uh-Oh. 

I added two new chapters to My Daddy Likes Boys a fic about Eddie Kaspbrak's son trying to get him together with his teacher, Mr. Tozier.

Read on ao3 or below!

Chapter 1: Two daddies?? Cool!

My daddy likes boys. I don't know why that's such a big deal. I'm not a dummy. I understand that they don't mean he likes boys just as friends like me and Hank from my class. Otherwise, mommy and daddy wouldn't have broked up. I get it. It's about in love. Like Aladdin and Jasmine. They aren't both boys, but that's okay. I'm sure there are other examples of boys I'm just not thinking of.

Mommy already sees other boys. Daddy comes to watch me when she goes on her "dates" and we watch Bluey on TV or play hungry hungry hippos. Daddy is great at games, but I'm better because I always win. Still, daddy deserves to play games with someone he can beat. Someone he can go on "dates" with. Maybe on a magic carpet. Daddy likes cars, and that's a very cool and special kinda car. I wanna ride on one. Maybe if daddy's boyfriend has a magic carpet I can ride in the backseat and fly up high. That would be cool. That would be super cool.

I started kindergarten in the Fall. I'm in Mr. Tozier's class. He wears funny, colorful shirts and does voices that make me laugh a lot. When we learned about animals he made all the sounds. My favorite was when he made the goose sound. Mr. Tozier is the coolest.

And a boy.

And daddy likes boys.

Then I had an idea. My daddy and Mr. Tozier could be in love! That's a great perfect idea. I just needed to find a way to get daddy and Mr. Tozier to talk. When they talked they would obviously instantly fall in love because they are both awesome and fun and they both love me. It would be the greatest thing to have two daddies!!

I started small. Daddy tells me every day that I'm brave and I decided to prove it. I made sure Mr. Tozier was close and I climbed up higher in the jungle gym than I had ever climbed. The other kids watched and some waved and giggled. By the time Mr. Tozier noticed how high I climbed and started running towards me, it was too late. I bent my knees like a frog. Mr. Tozier saying ribbit ribbit popping into my head as I hopped off the roof (where I definitely wasn't supposed to be) and fell hard onto the ground.

Plop

I yelled and yelled and yelled some more. How was I supposed to know it would hurt THAT much. Mr. Tozier reached me quickly with his kind blue eyes twisted up in worry. "Frankie!" He yelped. "How'd you even get up there?" He was concerned, but I couldn't help but notice he also sounded impressed. This was going perfectly according to plan even though my arm hurt a whole lot.

Mr. Tozier carried me to the nurse's office. "I'm gonna call your parents, okay? Just sit tight buddy." I made a froggy sound and his worry melted away just long enough to do an, admittedly much better, froggy sound.

He rushed out the door. Oh no. "Call my daddy!" I shouted after him, hoping it was loud enough. My voice was usually louder, but my arm hurt too much! I waited to let my tears fall down my cheeks for after Mr. Tozier left. He probably thought I was very brave. Mr. Tozier and daddy will talk about how brave I am all day long until they fall in love.

Daddy didn't come. Mr. Tozier must not have heard me. When I saw mommy come through the door with her arms stretched out like she was ready to clean my dirty cheek with her spit, I cringed a bit and then started crying. This time it wasn't from the pain. Well, it wasn't just from the pain. This was going to be harder than I thought.

Chapter 2: Frankie's Big Break

had a lot of time to plan my next move while I was at the doctor then at home. My arm was broken and got put in a huge cast. It's so hard and heavy. I drummed on the wall with it when mommy wasn't looking, she always told me to stop even though it made the best sound.

That made me think of my next idea. I couldn't keep getting hurt and going right to the hospital. I'd be off too much school and all my bones would be in casts until I couldn't move. I can't make Mr. Tozier and my daddy fall in love like that! I need at least one limb free!

When I got back to school, all the kids wanted to talk to me and sign my cast. I noted that I'd let Hank sign it first, after I talked to Mr. Tozier. Unless Mr. Tozier wanted to sign it first. Then he could. Sorry Hank.

Mr. Tozier sat at a big desk with papers all over the top. I could just see over it. He looked down at me, looking over his big thick glasses. He must have a really hard time seeing with glasses that big. My eyes are perfect, everyone says so, but daddy probably doesn't care about perfect eyes. I tried to focus.

“Frankie?” Mr. Tozier said. “What is it?”

“Next time I get in trouble, can you call my daddy instead of my mommy?” I said. I thought if I was as obvious as possible that he would definitely get it right next time.

Mr. Tozier's brow furrowed. “Well, you weren't in trouble, Frankie, but why do you want me to call your daddy? Is something going on at home?”

I really thought about it. No, not really. Home has been kinda boring. Daddy always looks sad when I'm with him, but mommy always has boys around all the time. I just want my daddy to be happy too. Not with lots of boys though, just Mr. Tozier. I didn't like getting used to lots and lots of new boys because some of them smell funny and have weird mustaches.

“Frankie?” Mr. Tozier asked. Oops, I'd been thinking too much.

“No.” I said quickly and walked away. I didn't even remember to ask him to sign my cast. I guess Hank could do it first after all.

After all the kids got done signing my cast with lots of cool things, Hank drew a dinosaur, I went to work. I knew daddy would definitely come if I was in danger, but it didn't work the first time. I decided I had to do something different. I had to get in trouble.

It happened at recess. Mr. Tozier was watching everybody, but I wanted to make sure he was watching me. I took a big breath in and let out a loud scream. Mr. Tozier looked up but so did everybody else. I'd have to explain why I was doing it to all my lots of friends later. They'd understand. With all my might, I pushed over the big wood play kitchen and all the kids playing house ran away. The play plates hit the ground over and over one at a time. It sounded like rain.

Mr. Tozier rushed over. Yay! “Is everyone okay?” The other kids nodded. When he looked at me, he didn't look mad. He looked worried. That made me worried too.

He took me to the place I go to when I get off my bus and had me sit in the big plush chair. Once he was in the other room, I got up and pressed my ear to the door. He was talking to somebody. I think on the phone.

“I think something might be going on at home.” Mr Tozier said. I sighed. Not really. Just call my daddy. Say I'm in big trouble. “Oh, a divorce? That's gotta be tough on him.” It wasn't tough at all! What was tough was getting my daddy and Mr. Tozier in one room. Ugh!

Chapter 3: Why Does Everybody Ask if I'm Okay??

How was I supposed to know they'd just make me talk to some lady? That is not what I wanted at all.

“Frankie,” She said gently like she was talking to a puppy. I'm not a puppy. “Can you please tell me how things have been at home?”

“Why does everybody keep asking me that!” I knew it wasn't polite to shout, but I was getting so frustrated! “Sorry, things are just fine. I'm happy.”

Even though I told her I'm happy she still looked sad. What was going on? “Are you happy when you're with your mommy?”

I felt a big frown on my face. “Yeah, I guess!” I folded my arms. Things were fine. Mommy was just kind of boring sometimes. She just wanted me to dress up nice and be polite. I was so sick of always being so polite.

“What about your daddy?” She asked.

I smiled. “Well, daddy is the best. We play games and watch TV but he's lonely and needs a boyfriend like my mommy has.”

The lady's eyebrows raised up like they were gonna bump into her hair. “A boyfriend?” She asked. “Maybe you mean a girlfriend.”

I rolled my eyes. “No! My daddy likes boys!’’

Talking to that lady was so pointless. She didn't even help me with how to get Mr. Tozier and my daddy together. I hoped I never had to see that lady ever again.

My mommy drove me home and fussed with my hair when she buckled me in. “What did you say to the nice lady?” She asked me.

“I told her daddy likes boys.” I explained, getting a little tired of always having to explain myself.

Mommy's eyebrows did the same thing as the lady. It's a little silly for her to be surprised. I knew she knew that already. She didn't say much else. She just got in the front seat and drove us home.

When Daddy came to pick me up the next day, I was so excited. It was the weekend and Daddy always planned a fun activity. I wanted to see the new Sonic movie and get lots of popcorn.

It was taking mommy and daddy a really long time to come get me in my room, so I hopped off my bed and sat on the top of the stairs looking down at them through the bars. They looked upset. They had angry eyebrows and folded up arms.

“You told him about your little perversion?” Mommy said. I didn't know what that meant, but what did daddy tell me about? Maybe about the big black cats at the zoo.

Daddy held up his hands. “No, I didn't tell him anything about that. I don't know how he found out.” Maybe not about the big cats after all.

“Well, tell him you don't. Tell him you like women like you're supposed to.” I opened my eyes really wide. Was this about daddy liking boys? What's the big deal! Mommy likes boys too!

“Daddy can like boys if he wants to!” I ran down the stairs to stand up tall next to daddy.

They both looked down at me with their mouths hanging open. Close your mouths, gosh! “It's not normal.” Mommy said in a calm voice. I was so sick of people talking to me like a puppy or a baby or something.

I held out my hand. “Daddy, I wanna go.” I didn't feel like talking about this. I had important things to do.

Daddy looked down at me, surprised. Mommy looked mad. They looked at each other for a few seconds before daddy grabbed my hand and we started walking out. I smiled wide.

“Wait!” Mommy called after us, but we didn't stop or look back.

We were gonna have a wonderful, awesome time watching Sonic and eating popcorn and then after that I would think about my next plan. Daddy and Mr. Tozier were gonna be happy if it was the last thing I did!

[yoonieper]

Daydream | KNJ

One man’s daydreaming is another man’s day.

✿ Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

✿ Genre: smut, angst, a tiny bit of fluff, pretty much pwp 

✿ Rated: M for More 

✿ Warnings: A little spice over the phone, handjob, oral (f. receiving), little bit of spanking, this is a tad bit emotional

✿ Word Count: 5.6k 

✿ Summary: It’s late and he has work to do, but for some reason he can only think about you. He misses you so much and after so long, maybe it’s time to pay you a visit?

✿ Author’s Note: Fun fact, this is based off a dream I had a while ago. The part that mattered only lasted for like a second and the rest of the dream was nonsense but ayy I got a fic out of it~ This was supposed to be posted a year ago, I’m so behind omg 🤡… In reconciliation, I will let y’all know that there mayyyy be a part 2, but not in the way you expect so keep an eye out :3

No reposting, modifying. Translating is not allowed unless given explicit permission. Thank you so much :D

Namjoon stared at the screen like he had been all day, his frustration had caused a pounding headache that only seemed to get worse as the day went on. Cubase remained untouched, nothing, absolutely nothing had come out of this work day. He’d been at this for hours, hoping and waiting for inspiration to strike. With approaching deadlines, the pressure was eating away at him to try and get everything done. 

For weeks he’s been working hard on songs for the upcoming album the group was going to be putting out in a few months. Today was the day he was supposed to start taking it easy and let his own creativity flow to its heart’s content and focus on working on the playlist that consisted of new songs for his new upcoming solo album. He had been looking forward to this day for a while, but it’s just been crickets. He hadn’t done anything productive today. 

The cause… well, it’s sad, but he had a feeling of what it might be. 

Namjoon tried to tell himself he was just burnt out from working so hard. It’s true, he had been overworking himself for the past few days, it could have easily sucked out all the inspiration he had beforehand. He knew that wasn’t it though. All day, now that he wasn’t so sucked into work, his mind was focused on something he tried to pretend hadn’t been eating away at him for the last month. 

You. 

It’s been so long since he’d seen you last. Busy schedules got in the way, and he’s embarrassed and honestly a little ashamed in the fact that he couldn’t make time to text you. He missed you so much, but he shouldn’t. It’s what put the distance between you two in the first place. Things were getting complicated and they never were supposed to. 

But he just missed you so much. 

Namjoon grabbed his phone off his desk and scrolled through his messages till he found your name. His heart skipped a beat. 

Joonie [12:42 AM]: Hey 

Y/N [12:44 AM]: ???

Y/N [12:45 AM]: So you’re finally texting me again 😏

Joonie [12:45 AM]: :( Don’t be like that 

Y/N [12:46 AM]: Hehe I’m just playing, I figured you’d be busy 

Joonie [12:46 AM]: Yeah I’m sorry, works been a lot 

Y/N [12:46 AM]: I figured 

Joonie [12:47 AM]: So… how’s your day been?

Y/N [12:47 AM]: Joon I thought we were past small talk 😩

Joonie [12:47 AM]: It’s a bit awkward, just feels like forever since we’ve talked last

Y/N [12:48 AM]: It’s been like a month hasn’t it? 

Namjoon stared at the screen in disbelief. Has it really been that long? A quick scroll up told him it was in fact true. 

Joonie [12:49 AM]: I’m sorry ㅠㅠㅠ

Y/N [12:49 AM]: It’s alright, I just miss you :(

The words shouldn’t make his heart jump. This goes against everything you both have established, then again, you’ve been crossing the boundaries for a while. 

Joonie [12:50 AM]: I miss you too

Y/N [12:50]: :D

Namjoon suddenly had the urge to scream. You were adorable. 

Joonie [12:51 AM]: :)

Y/N [12:52 AM]: Soooo Kim Namjoon, what’s the occasion this time?

Y/N [12:53 AM]: We both know you never text me unless you want something ;) 

Joonie [12:54 AM]: …

Joonie [12:55 AM]: Can I call you? 

Y/N [12:55 AM]: I’m waiting 👀

Namjoon stared hard as his thumb hovered over the call button. He knew the door he was opening up, and wondered if this was the right choice. Maybe he needed more time? 

His body acted on its own and without thinking about it anymore, he clicked the button. 

It rang for a second before you picked it up, he couldn’t help but smile when your cheery tone greeted him with a hello. 

“I need you.” The words escaped his lips before he had much time to think it over. 

“Someone’s eager,” you joked. 

“Sorry, I just… I’ve been stressed lately with work. Nothing went as planned today, I was supposed to get a lot done, but I’m feeling burnt out. I need you. I just.. need you.” He ranted, almost pleading. The last words carried a lot of sentiment that was unknown to you both. 

Joon could practically feel your smile through the phone. 

“And what exactly do you want me to do? It’s been awhile Joon, talk to me~” 

He quickly looked behind him, making sure his door was closed and locked. When he was assured it was, he scooted his chair up so he was leaning against his desk, lowering the chances of anyone hearing him, even if the other measures failed. 

“Make me feel good like you always do. Please baby, you always make everything better and I miss you so much…” He whispered into the phone. 

“Mmmm it really has been awhile~” 

“So long... I’ve been thinking about you a lot these days.” 

“Me too. Everytime I’m alone, it’s late at night and I can’t stop thinking about you and how good you make me feel Joon and I—“ 

“Fuck wait, stop!” Namjoon hurried. “I—I’m not even on the road yet, I’m still in my studio and you know how long it takes for me to get there.” His breathing was heavy as he gripped hard on the arm of his desk chair. 

“Well hurry then Joon before I start without you~” Namjoon threw his head back at your words. 

“Baby… wait, tell me what you’re wearing.” They say curiosity kills the cat. 

He heard you chuckle slightly. “That hoodie you always keep leaving over here.” Fuck.

“And?” He rushed. 

“Did I say and…” And boy did curiosity kill him. Namjoon just sighed, already feeling the blood beginning to rush to a certain place. He looked down at his lap, getting the urge to pull his pants down as he listened to your voice. 

“Y/n I want you so bad…” 

“How do you want me when you get here?”

“Don’t do anything, just wait for me. Can't wait to make you feel so good baby, missed your body so much.” 

“And I can’t wait to make you feel good. I’ll make sure you forget the stress of your job. Get ready Kim Namjoon.” The possibilities had his mind racing and he gripped the phone hard as he bucked into nothing. 

“I’m going, I'm going— I can’t do this anymore. I'm sorry.” He was already getting up and heading for his coat. 

“I’ll text you when I’m downstairs, please don’t start without me.” His affirmation was needed as he remembered that one time he walked into your apartment, to see you having a blast with that hitachi wand you kept in your bottom drawer. 

You giggled before you said your goodbyes. 

It was in record time that he made it to the garage, with his driver pulling up in just a few minutes. The drive to your place was about 30 minutes from the Bighit building, as traffic always seemed to be bad when he came. 

One thing he loved about coming over was the fact that the drive always gave him some time to think, and he had much on his mind. 

Namjoon has dug himself in a hole he’s not sure he can come back from. Your relationship was never meant to be as complicated as it quickly became. 

Namjoon met you a few years ago. At the time you worked as a waitress and after a successful concert, as they always do, the boys and some staff members went out to eat at the restaurant you worked at. You had been their waitress and even though the night was a blur (too much to drink), he had practically spent the whole night ogling you. He remembers distinctly the way he felt every time you came over to their table and how his eyes would follow you even after you left. 

But it was not this meeting that started the whole arrangement that’s been going on for years. No, it was the next time you met. 

Bighit had been holding a company party and the same restaurant they went to that day catered the event. You were still a waitress at the time, so you were one of the staff members that worked that night. This time, and with a little (emphasis on the little) less alcohol in his system, he managed to talk to you that night. He pulled you aside when your shift was getting close to ending and you guys basically spent the whole event talking and getting to know each other. Well… that would be a little bit of a lie. 

The event had been close to being over and well, after a few more rounds, somehow you both ended up in one of the practice rooms practically eating each other’s faces. Things got pretty intense, Joon being this close to taking you right there in that practice room, but the sound of people beginning to leave scared you both, and that’s how he ended up in your apartment, and how this whole thing started. 

It was supposed to just be sex. Joon made it clear from the beginning how work was just way too busy for him to consider a relationship, and you seemed fine with keeping the whole thing pretty casual. You even established rules and boundaries you both should not cross over. 

Well flash forward a few years and practically everything you said not to do has been done. The boundaries were in this unspoken gray zone that you both never just seemed to talk about. 

That’s where the problem starts. 

The last time Namjoon went over to your place, certain words that he knew would change the dynamic of your relationship forever just seemed to be on the tip of his tongue all night. Luckily he never said anything, but it made him realize how close you two have gotten. Really, if it wasn’t for the periods you sometimes wouldn’t speak to each other, you would really look like a couple in a normal relationship. He’s never taken you out on a date, but the amount of times Joon would come over to just hang out, or how he stopped caring about falling asleep at your place, it was not surprising that feelings eventually arose. 

It was just meant to be sex. He was quick to accept the fact that you two became friends, just with a few benefits, but the fact that he knew deep in his heart that he wanted to be more than that, well…

If things were different, if he wasn’t RM from BTS, he wouldn’t have any doubts asking you out, or being more. But the title and responsibilities are tied to his name in real life. He’s busy, and the worry of being an awful boyfriend because of his job, just seemed too much of a possibility for him to even think about putting you through that. It wouldn’t be fair. 

In all honesty he had been avoiding you at first before he legitimately got too busy, a problem he knew he had to fix still raged in his mind. 

He needed to end this. He’s gotten way too attached to you and for your sake and his, it would be better if he just ended it here. It was the right thing to do, but that’s what kept him from confronting the issue. He honestly couldn’t imagine not having you in his life anymore. It’s selfish and he knows, but he needs you. 

Namjoon’s just been wondering how he’s going to break it to you or himself. 

This whole thing that’s happening tonight was unfair and he knows it. He shouldn’t be speaking to you until he’s found the right words to say to end the beautiful relationship he’s built with you. It’s hard, and in a time of immense stress and dismay, he always goes to you for comfort. 

Maybe by the next time you speak he can finally say the words he needs to. But not tonight. Tonight he just wanted to see you. 

The ride seemingly sped by but at the same time felt like it took all too long. It still surprised him when his driver stopped in front of your apartment building. 

Namjoon gave a friendly smile to the driver. He was really the only one to know where he would sneak off to at nights occasionally. Even the guys who he calls his brothers don’t know about your little affair. A silent promise was made each time he would get out of the car to go to your place. He would never tell a soul what happened tonight. 

Your apartment building was familiar, it felt like a second home. The familiar rock in front of your building held a special memory as he remembered tripping over it the first time he was here. In a haste to get inside and feel you, in his tipsy state he nearly face planted onto the cement floor when his eyes had been fixated on you, not realizing he was walking straight into the rock. 

A neighbor who lived on the first floor, their familiar door near the elevator would always be playing loud music whenever he would visit, tunes he could easily recognize belonged to his group. 

Even the elevator was enough to get his heart to ache as he remembered the time you came in together and you joked about the ominous background music as you rode up together and how you got stuck inside for a good 20 minutes. He didn’t see it at the time, but today it seemed all too fitting considering how wrong it was for him to come here today. 

He hurried inside, the adrenaline coursing through his veins as he rode the elevator and made it to your front door. 

Finally. 

A brisk knock was all it took before you were pulling open the door, revealing exactly how you described. You were wearing that dark blue hoodie he keeps forgetting to take home, your hair was down, and your legs were bare, getting Namjoon more excited than he’d like to admit. 

You were so beautiful, so effortlessly beautiful. 

“You’re finally here!” You exclaimed and pulled him into a hug, basking in his familiar sweet scent. He hugged you back happily, resting his head on top of yours. He hugged you tighter. 

Your embrace felt like home. 

“Missed you so much.” He whispered. 

The sentiment was nice, but he quickly remembered the fact he was supposed to be pulling away from all of this. It hurt so much. All he wanted to do was give you all the kisses in the world and tell you the words he held back from saying last time. 

Namjoon let his hands travel down under your (his) hoodie to distract his aching heart, grabbing a handful of your ass. He groaned realizing what you told him earlier was true. You weren’t wearing anything underneath.  

“You weren’t lying…” he chuckled weakly, gently massaging your ass. 

“Why would I lie?” You moaned, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“I dunno, you wanna make me a mess so rush over here, because you know you make me so hard so quickly.” His words were filthy, but he was desperate. 

He saw your eyes widened at the sudden change in mood, but the shock was soon replaced with a sly smile as one of your hands traveled down his body. Your fingers, down his neck, collarbone, abs, all the way till they were hovering over the waistline of his sweats. 

Namjoon felt his breath hick.

“Do I now?” You continued further till you were gripping his hardening length. You smiled seeing the way his face scrunched. 

Oh boy were you gonna kick it up a notch. You just missed him so much and the way he was speaking earlier about how work had been, you wanted to make him feel better in any way you could. 

You pulled your hand out to spit in it, before you were back in his pants, slowly jerking him off. You immediately felt his grip on your ass tightened. 

“Wait—Y/n what are you—“ he couldn’t even finish before he had his hands on your hips and was burrowing himself in your neck, trying to suppress the moans. 

You gently kissed his cheek, trying to soothe him. “I guess you were right~” you whispered softly into his ear, feeling his length quickly growing in your grasp. 

You worked your hand the best you could considering the angle and the fact he was still wearing pants. “Does it feel nice?” You asked, smiling at the way how he was pretty much just fucking your hand. His hips steadily worked at pushing himself into your hand, eager at the slight bit of friction, you really weren’t doing much anymore. 

He cursed under his breath at your words. 

It was like a flash before suddenly he had pulled your hand away and pushed you back onto your dining table. You stared at him as he began walking closer, the hunger in his eyes had you squeezing your legs together. 

He got between your legs, his eyes trailing up your thighs as his hands came up to pull you closer to him. 

You were surprised but smirked, trying your best to ignore the way your heart was beating like crazy. 

“Huh, can’t even make it to the room Joonie?” You teased. 

He just chuckled. “Guess I can’t…” 

“You gonna take me right here on the table then?” You bit your lip, not even trying to hide how hot that sounded. 

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” You didn’t miss the dark tone of his voice. You just smiled at him. 

He just stared at your face and you couldn’t help but start to get shy at the way he was looking at you. Unable to handle his gaze you turned away, but his hand pushed you right back to meet his eyes. 

You felt your cheeks start getting warm. 

“I missed you…” His voice was soft, pleading almost for you to know. He wanted you to know, wanted you to know how much he missed you. This whole situation was fucked, he shouldn’t have to feel like this. 

Namjoon pulled up your hoodie so it came up over your thighs. You stared wide eyed as he dropped to his knees and spread your legs apart, lifting them over his shoulders. He started planting kisses up along your thighs, making your whole body come alive. 

“Wait— thought I was supposed to make you feel good?” Your breathing was getting labored as he got closer to where you really wanted him. 

“You are… seeing you fall apart on my tongue will make me feel great…” He smirked and you just playfully rolled your eyes.

“I mean— I won’t stop you if that’s the case— ohhhh…” You sighed as he kissed you right on your pussy. You didn’t miss the way he smiled seeing your reaction. 

Just like you can have him a mess in a few seconds, he could do the same to you.

You gripped the table harder as his light kisses turned to his tongue circling your bud.

“Fuuuu— baby please…” You cried, and he knew what you wanted. 

“Does this feel good?” His voice was low and teasing, happy to see you already a mess for him. 

“So good, but I want more…” When you beg like that for him, no matter how much he sometimes likes to draw it out he couldn’t deny you. Not when you’ve got him this hard, begging for him to please you. 

Namjoon moved his arm so he could use his fingers to start rubbing up along through your slit. He marveled at how wet you had gotten so quickly, and it made him all too eager to finally feel you around his cock. 

You whined again, slightly annoyed by the fact he was still teasing you, but before you could say anything his fingers were buried deep between your walls, already getting to work. He curled his finger to hit that sweet spot that he knew turned you into a mess.

“So good— so good!” Your hand flew from the table to tangle in his hair as a moan fell from your lips. He threw you in for a loop as he used the deadly combination of his tongue and fingers to bring you more pleasure than any of your toys were able to. 

You missed this, you missed him. 

“Fuck, just like that…” You moaned out and that fueled him to push further. Namjoon always knew how to have you screaming within minutes and this time wasn’t an exception. 

Namjoon marveled in the little curses, your breathy moans. Knowing he could make you feel so good to make those pretty sounds for him. 

He was to miss hearing you like this. 

It all came back to him, how this was going to end soon, how it had to end soon. There was nothing he could do about it. 

What if this was going to be the last time?

A particularly loud moan from you was enough to bring him back slightly and get back in the moment. You were right here with him, at least he could savor the moment while it was still here.

He took his frustration out on you, making sure every movement of his was purposeful, that this was going to be something you would remember. He wanted to make sure you would remember him. 

“Joonie– oh my g–” And just by the sound of your voice he could tell you were getting close. 

He paid close attention to your clit, drawing hurried figure eights around the bud with his tongue. With how long it had been since you saw each other it was enough to finally push you over the edge, and Namjoon watched your face intently as you came all over his tongue. 

Namjoon paid close attention to the way your face scrunched up at the pleasure, the way your thighs tightened around his head, and the way you whined his name like you were his, like he was the only one who could please you like this. Every detail about you made his cock ache and he wanted nothing more than to take you like you wanted.

As he watched you come down from the pleasure, the little smile that appeared on your face warmed his heart and also made it hurt even more than before he walked in the door. Those same words that scared him last time were on the tip of his tongue once again. 

In a haste to make the pain go away he rose to feet and kissed you hard, hardly giving you any time to breathe. He had to make this go away, there wasn’t anything he could do. 

You giggled at his hastiness. “Does eating me out really get you going that much?” You asked in between kisses. Namjoon didn’t even answer before he was hoisting you up, making you squeal, and speedily making his way to your bedroom.

He was quick to set you on the bed. You looked up at him excitedly nervous for where this was going. 

Namjoon tugged off his shirt a little less than gracefully, and cursed quietly to himself as he tried to get his pants untied. You ogled him happily, with all the working out he had been doing lately it certainly paid off. He looked absolutely amazing.

But what caught your attention the most was the look on his face, and the more you noticed the more your smile started to drop. After knowing Namjoon so long you knew that the way he was clenching his jaw meant he had something on his mind and it was bothering him.  

“Joon, you ok?” You asked hesitantly. At that moment he had finally won the battle with his sweats and started tugging them down his legs.

“I’m fine. Take off the hoodie, want your ass up for me.” He said as he went over to the nightstand to grab a condom out the top drawer. 

You were still concerned but you did as he said, slipping the baggy hoodie off your form and laid so your ass was in the air. You had every intention of asking about it, but you had a feeling now wasn’t the best time. Maybe this might take his mind off of what was bothering him? 

If only you knew the whole reason for his frustration had to do with you. 

As much as he wanted to just forget about it and be in the moment with you, he wanted so many more opportunities to be like this with you. The fact that this should really be the last time he gets to be with you, but how much he knew he didn’t want that, it just made this whole experience harder than it should be.  

It really would be so easy to tell you how he felt, how much he wanted more out of the relationship you’ve built over the years but that would just make things complicated. It would be even harder to say goodbye. 

Namjoon quickly opened up the package and slipped on the condom and got on the bed to position himself behind you. 

He was scared to look at you, what if those words he wanted to say would come out if he looked into your eyes?

Namjoon let his hand come down on your ass cheek, a smacking sound reverberating through the room, and a moan instinctively falling from your lips. 

He guided his length so it was right nestling you right where you wanted him. You whined and tried to push your hips back but he stopped you. 

“You’re so pretty like this…” He sighed, the view honestly immaculate. He started to rub himself between your soaking folds making you want to scream.

“Joon oh my gosh– what has gotten into you?” You cried into the pillow. He normally wasn’t one to tease. Anytime you both would normally meet was under hurried circumstances. Busy schedules, life, anytime you were together just felt like waiting for some sort of timer to go off. It might be a call from a manager, a call from a boss, a notification reminding Joon he had a schedule to get to. There were very few moments you both would get to just relax and be with each other. 

The reminder made Namjoon even more upset. There really wasn’t going to be any way he could make this work with you?

“Say it…” His voice was static, trying to sound as emotionless about the situation as he possibly could. 

“Joon?!” You cried again. 

“What do you want?” He asked again.

“Fuck me please…” 

Namjoon could hardly contain himself at your words, he hastily pushed himself in. A moan slipped from his lips at the familiar tightness around his cock. You were so amazing.

He sat there for a second just allowing you to get adjusted, but when you started moving your hips he knew you were ready for him. He was slow, but made sure he was deep with his thrusts so you knew how much he truly cared for you. 

You felt so good around him, warm, tight, like home.  

Each stroke just made him more angry, he set a punishing pace enjoying the way you little whines distracted him. Everything about you enchanted him.

He slapped your ass again, enjoying the way it jiggled. 

He had to make this quick, the longer he was here the harder it would be to go. This had to be the last time, he couldn’t do this anymore, this had to be the last time.  

“Fuck– Joon– yes!” You moaned.

The last time. It had to be.

“Shit…” He groaned feeling the way your walls tightened around him. You were getting close too.

With his orgasm approaching sooner and sooner the more he couldn’t just ignore the way his heart longed for more. 

In a haste he stopped and pulled out. 

You turned around confused but before you could really question it you were on your back and staring right into his eyes as he pushed himself back inside. 

The position was intimate and the last thing he should be doing, but he wanted to see you. See the way you look at him, see the way he makes you feel. Would you even want more out of this relationship if he asked you?

To make things worse you wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist to pull him closer. As that feeling grew stronger he couldn’t but lean in and kiss you. It was passionate, a passion he desperately wishes you were aware about. He could have burst into tears right in that moment. 

Seeing you like this underneath him, he couldn’t deny it. He wanted more, he wanted to call you his. Why, why, why did the job he loved have to get in the way?!

He broke away from you lips and buried his head in your neck, sensing he wasn’t going to last much longer.

Namjoon started kissing your neck right where he knew got to you the most, savorying the way you groaned in his ear. Everything about you felt like muscle memory. How was he going to give this up?

“I’m going to miss you.” He softly said, not expecting you to hear.

Your whimpers were enough to finally push him over the edge, his hips sped up before a soft moan fell from his lips as he stilled inside you and filled up the condom. 

He hardly gave himself time to breathe before he was snaking his hand in between your bodies and making quick work on your clit. You instantly moaned and it didn’t take very long for this to push you over the edge once again. 

As you both started to calm down, Namjoon hesitantly pulled out of you and went to throw away the condom, when he came back he was a bit shocked to see you staring at him. It automatically prompted him to realize he had a decision to make.

Was he saying here with you tonight?

His mind knew that was a horrible idea, but that didn’t stop him from putting his boxers back on and climbing in bed next to you. At least he could spend one more night with you.  

That was one of the rules you had set up oh so many years ago, yet the amount of times he’s stayed over were too many to count at this point. 

Even as he got snuggled underneath the sheets you were still staring at him strangely. 

“What’s up?” He finally asked. 

“What’s up with you? You seem a little tense and what did you mean when you said you’ll miss me?” You questioned a bit worried by how off your evening together seemed. 

Namjoon froze realizing you noticed. In a second he weighed his options– does he finally confess what’s been bothering him all night, finally tell you that it would probably be best to end things now, or wait a little while longer to enjoy one more night with you. 

One look at you, post sex bliss making you even prettier.

He quickly picked the latter. 

“Work’s just been tough. We have a schedule soon where we’re heading to LA in a few weeks– being with you like this made me realize how much I’m going to miss you.” He smiled, pulling you into his arms. 

He saw the little smile on your face at his words, melting his heart. 

It was true, he was going to be leaving soon and he really was going to miss you.

“Don’t worry, I’ll always be here when you get back.” You said as you snuggled in closer to him.

“I know but still… I’ll miss you.” Namjoon couldn’t hide the emotion in his voice. You were able to pick up on it and looked up at him.

“You’re sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”

He tried to smile and nodded. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” 

This time you didn’t push any further and picked up your remote that was sitting on the nightstand. “Did you wanna pick up on the show we left off on?”

Namjoon nodded and watched as you opened up netflix and started up the fifth episode of My Name. You were easily sucked into it, but he couldn’t focus. 

In an effort to try and distract himself he got up and told you he was going to shower. He hopped that might help, but one glance in your bathroom made everything worse. 

He was everywhere. 

Namjoon over the years had steadily started buying more stuff for whenever he would stay at your place. Right there on the cup that sat on the sink was his toothbrush sitting right next to yours.

Even when he made it inside the shower, right next to all your shampoos and body washes were all of his, the same ones he had back in the dorm.

The whole time in the shower he was telling himself one thing; this had gone way too far. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, feelings were complicated and of course after spending so much time with each other feelings other than physical attraction would develop. 

It already hurt now thinking about saying goodbye, what about a year from now? This can’t keep going on. 

It’s what he tried to tell himself but once he came out the bathroom and saw you lying on the bed asleep, he knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. 

He slipped himself underneath the covers and cuddled up next to you, his heart nearly tearing into two when you almost instinctively snuggled further into him. 

It was things like this that was going to make this hard. How was he going to be able to say goodbye when he loved you so much?

[prometheanglory]

helloooo it’s not quite new years get over here in america but i have some end of the year sentiments to get off of my chest before 2022 is up 🥸 this is rly long teehee

it’s been !! a really busy year!! oh my god i didn’t realize how little i posted until i saw my tumblr wrapped T_T honestly, at some point i wondered if it’d be for the best for me to formally announce a hiatus — some parts due to university and work, and other parts due to personal conflicts that made it difficult to feel confident or proud that i was creating.

it feels kinda weird missing vinh’s birthday for the first time in a while 😅 (granted, i drew something for it but i didn’t post it bc i didnt finish/i got nervous) .

moreover, it felt weird being so distant from twst and my own tumblr? admittedly i scared myself off from doing as much as i could this year, so i have less to physically show that i’m still around and i still care just as much as i did in 2019. it’s hard to do stuff that you like when ur in the constant process of shoving ur foot in ur mouth or feeling really self-conscious, or well. sometimes it’s just hard to not feel insecure about what you want to make and what you perceive other people expect from you?

i admit that i’m still trying to rebuild my foundations so that i can feel secure and proud of myself. it’s been a really, really long road to take but i have all of 2023 and more to orient myself. i’ve been trying to get into new things and explore new ventures, and that has been… a very nerve-wracking process for someone who’s never done anything before (did you know how many emails and phonecalls i had to make to get anything done/set up just to take commissions….. i’ll tell u what, it’s definitely over 10)…

all in all, i just wanna get back on the horse _(:3 」∠)_ i’ve been a bit of a ghost, but i’m still here. i still wanna thank everyone who still pops in every now and then when i pop up every once in a while 😅 i really appreciate you guys hanging around and everything yall do, especially as a community. i don’t think i’ve ever seen a more vocal oc community before? it’s an environment that i appreciate more than anything and i don’t intend to let my gratitude go unspoken for. you guys are really sweet and supportive, and god, i can’t keep count on my fingers for the sheer quantity of amazing creators that i’ve seen here. i hope that with 2023, i get my hands on a better time management schedule so that i can properly give back into the community T_T

well anyway, i planned to do this many months back — here’s a list of random stuff i’ve been working on throughout 2021-2022 that i meant to announce but i never got around to but hopefully it’ll come trickling out in 2023 🤭

new dorm incoming, and a (pseudo) new dorm project

new ocs approaching :-) some canon, some fandorm

diversify my posts a little…….. cannot promise that i won’t still spam vinhs but i can try 🫡

organize blog a little more

stagrove uniform+chara revamp / sprites

oc design + sprite revamps (sarge / lola / imp twins / holly / edgar /xuehai are the ones i have on hand rn, but everyone’ll get their turn 🤓)

potential new vinh sprite (since the july one was just drawing over the old one 🤡)

stagrove episode is being gradually picked up again

i swear to god i’ll go through my inbox

get into merch production (charms/posters/stickers… u know the deal)

get through commissions faster and more frequently T_T

try to do a new style of commission…? (community votes on a subject/character/etc and when the goal is met, the art gets published for everyone to see or smth)

do a follower milestone celebration (potential giveaway?)

i swear to god i’ll get to that malleus daki design.

if malleus works out i prommy i’ll do leona daki too

oc personality or matchup quiz

more fun/detailed oc reference sheets

oc masterlist + oc profiles on toyhou.se

incoming comic project and more to come hopefully

[dykecassidy]

🤡🛒✨🌞💖 all of em or a mix! i don't wanna swoop in and take other ppls qs but i also like to know ur thoughts SO WHATEVER U WANNA DO

good lord

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

the whole concept of the uh. pissing in him fic makes me laugh. as well as remembering showing it to milo the first time and HIM laughing at the concept of jack sighing wistfully while thinking of getting pissed in.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

okay im looking at my works page (where its at for the piss fic shut up) and like. a lot of them are characters making little bids for affection, or acknowledgement. a reassurance that theyre okay.

also idk if its in anything published but i always fall back on anger being cold, numbing

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

IM JUST GOOD. i can make an idea fleshed out and realized in a small word count. im GREAT at comedy. i do rock solid dialogue, which makes up for all the time ive spent agonizing over it.

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

i like writing at night. theres something so fun and nostalgic for me about staying up late, writing. no one else up or online, just me and music and words

i dont get to do it much anymore tho

💖 What made you start writing?

so like. i started Writing Writing in jr high. i always liked doing creative writing before that, but that was when the bug Really caught me, and i had ocs, and i rp'd. it was something i did with friends, for the fun of telling stories. i dropped off of it in high school, and didnt get back into it again until i was in college. that was also when i was, like, big into reading fic as well, which i did in jr high too.

i think a lot of what pushes me to write is wanting to join in, having something to say and share. once i take off on writing, i stop being such a big reader, but it always kind of precedes it.

[talezfromthegravedigga-blog]

Interview With Corinne Halbert:

The Grave Digga had the opportunity to interview horror erotic artist Corinne Halbert 👹🤡⚰️🔪

Q: What's Your your favorite horror movie and why?

A: I don't think I can pick just one! Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Maniac (1980, original version) and Blood for Dracula are all tied for my favorite horror movie. I love these movies because they are raw, violent and visually arresting. The main leads in Maniac, Joe Spinell as Frank Zito and Udo Kier as the Count in Blood for Dracula are two of my all time favorite actors. They give the on screen performances of a lifetime in these two films. Zito and Dracula have everything I've ever wanted out of a fictitious movie creep. Striking looks, dramatic intensity, deep inner conflict and an uncontrollable psychotic side. The whole damn Sawyer family in Texas Chainsaw Massacre has these same perfect ingredients that make for unforgettable horror movie characters.

Q: What made you become a fan of horror?

A: I've always had a fascination with the darker things in life, even as a child. When I was a little kid horror movies scared the ever living shit out of me. Some of them still do! It's a specific kind of exhilaration that only a good horror story or movie can provide me. I get really excited to feel the sensation of fear and watch the narrative unfold. Bloody, gory violence can be very entertaining, when it's fake. Horror allows us to explore primal parts of our psyche in a safe, controlled way. I've also had a deep love of horror art for many years. I find the morose imagery very visually pleasing and it inspires me in my own work.

Q: I love your erotic art work, what's the inspiration behind most of your creations?

A: Thank you so much! So glad you dig it! I like to draw and paint what feels good. My artwork is an expression of a rich fantasy world I have had building in my imagination for decades. I find women very attractive and love to render exotic, frightening, mean and sexy goddesses. I like the idea of women harnessing their sexuality and using it as a strength. I love to have fun when I paint, and painting beautiful women, Baphomet and skulls tend to be the most fun for me.

Q: What are you afraid of?

A: Losing loved ones or a death in the family. I had two major deaths in my family when I was 8 and 15. Experiencing these losses at such a young age has instilled a permanent fear of the death of those closest to me.

Q: If you could be any character from a horror movie, who would you be and why?

A: Salma Hayek in From Dusk Till Dawn cause hot damn! She's the sexiest, snake charming, foot dom, vampire stripper of all time!

Q: Can you tell me a quick scary story?

A: Angela used the bath room at work on a daily basis like any normal administrative coordinator would. About a month into her new job she started to hear things in the wall behind her as she peed, but always brushed it off as her imagination. Several more weeks go by and Angela realizes she's no longer hearing the scraping and shuffling sounds when she squats down to pee. But now the bathroom has been developing a noxious, foul odor that seems to get worse every day.

Angela get's to work, the Tuesday after Memorial Day weekend throws her purse on her desk and heads to the bathroom. The smell is overwhelming, a mixture of heavy, rotten musk and acidic nose curling bitterness. She notices a lose panel behind her preferred toilet and struggles to shimmy it open. "AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Angela shrieks! As a man's decomposing limb falls out of the compartment with a polaroid gripped in his cold dead hand. It's a photograph of the back of Angela's body as she sits on the toilet tinkling away happily.

You can find Corinne’a art work at the following address

http://corinnehalbert.bigcartel.com