#you can tell emotions left me bc these have been sitting in my inbox for days but thanks to that article they are back full force | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wonwoonlight · 9 months ago

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Ok first of all I'm going to delete this if mimi doesn't want me here but as someone who was there as she wrote the story and as someone who actually worked as an EA of a CEO before, I think you can understand why this long of a feedback upsets ME. And if it upsets me, then try to imagine how mimi must’ve felt about this.

I truly, truly hope you had this energy towards any of her other story to tell her good things about what she has put out here for free and this isn't the first time you came here on her inbox only to tell her how much you don't like the OC she has put a long time crafting. I used to write too, and everytime I got an anon giving me criticism, constructive or not, the only thing that left me wondering is: have this person ever sent me this long of a feedback about why they liked my story before??

I'm not saying you have to like everything she writes, but please understand why this can be upsetting.

Reading this ask, I think you're forgetting one important fact here. As much as this is a romance fiction, at the end of the day, this is a job for OC. As much as you like your boss, you ALWAYS end up talking shit about them one way or another because work is never easy. Either you get stressed, or the boss get stressed. None is a recipe for a good day.

Now tell me if you've had a "good" boss that work well with you and the whole team, and then you're told you have to work with someone else that, not only their reputation preceeds them, work differently... will you NOT compare them? If your new boss clearly underestimates you like you haven't been working for the past 8 years and you heard him clearly imply that you're not qualified, will you be able to immediately work happily and with heart full of gratefulness from the get go?

Comparing is human nature.

OC literally offered for him to fire her if it bothers him that much. Don't forget JK purposely tried to make it hard for her at first. She has reasons to be upset. They both admitted their fault and they're changing for the better. It's literally the plot.

Now as someone who worked as an EA for a CEO before, i just want to say no matter how kind your boss is, it's stressful most of the time. This might be subjective, might only be my personal experience, but when the CEO is in a badmood for any kind of reason, the EA gets the first blow. EA works directly under the CEO, no matter what the situation is, the EA is almost always the first person that has to deal with the CEO.

It'll eventually trickle down to the whole team, but the EA has to deal with it first, make sure it doesn't affect the team too much nor will it grow into a bigger problem.

I don't know if you're actually aware how closely CEO and EA work with each other, but i was basically my old boss' emotional trash can because it's my job to listen to him even if he was just venting and i had shit loads to do and I wasn't in my best condition either.

Sometimes I had to just sit in the meeting room and listen to him talk about his old trips bc he needed someone to talk to.

Sometimes my boss would bring me out to eat and not the whole team because my position allowed me to go out with him.

I'm not saying he's abusing his power, but, again, this is an image of how close CEO & their EA works. And even if it might differ between offices, this was exactly how I worked. My old boss trusted me a little too much and he deemed my style of work to match his that he's the one still asking me to return one year after I resigned.

Now if my old boss in real life is still comparing his current employees with me, an EA that left a year ago, bc my work style matches well with his..... imagine if the role is reserved.

Ok I've said too much and I might sound like I'm attacking anon rn, but I hope you know this isn't me being upset about your opinion.

No. You're free to dislike OC for whatever reason, this is a fictional work Mimi has kindly put out for people to read for free, so ofc she would hear people not liking things from time to time.

But this is me being upset bc you're putting this energy into my friend. Once again, I truly hope you've sent her this much energy telling her how much you loved her work.

can i be honest? i don’t like oc at all.

she always complains about how her new boss (jk) is so rude and doesn’t know how to appreciate someone’s work when in reality he isn’t rude and actually cares far more about his employees work than her or hobi ever did in this story. this is his family‘s company and i would be strict and disciplined too if you asked me bc i won’t ever play around about MY work and the time and effort i would‘ve to put into it just for some people to come and break it down. no she needs to stop being ungrateful and stop having this ridiculous view of how a CEO has to be friends with their assistant when that’s actually very unprofessional and stupid bc imagine you are being the CEO‘s (hobi)‘s friend (in which she was before jk became the new boss) and he gives you extra credit for stuff you didn’t even deserve but he does it anyway bc he’s friends with you and you don’t question it or you as the boss have to be strict and tell them what they did is wrong but you can’t because you know that it’s your friend and you don’t want to hurt them. i wouldn’t ever want my friends to work for me it just makes stuff too complicated bc if i have to be extra nice to my friends then i have to be extra nice for my other employees too and that’s not how a company works. i mean the fact that jungkook choose to adjust his work environment for her only bc she felt she wasn’t good enough and needed support from hobi, jk’s father, her family, friends and coworkers when this isn’t a playground but a whole company we’re talking about is ridiculous. she also wants him to spent his own money on his employees and her for having a meal even though everybody can go and eat for themselves at the company canteen? why should he do all of this (something hobi did) just to show them that he appreciates their work when he can just say thank you and have a dinner arranged whenever their projects have been successful?why does she feel the need to always compare him to hobi just bc shit doesn’t go her way but then acts surprised when he answers her that he isn’t hobi? what kind of mindest is this she has lol?

also she still counties to talk bad behind his back even though he told her to stop but then she wants HIM to be respectful towards her? oh but this isn’t everything i also don’t understand how HER hookups interfere whenever she’s at work but he has to suck it up as a CEO for putting his work in danger bc what? she’s unlucky? like do you understand why i don’t like her as his assistant and as a human being? it’s always okay for her to make mistakes but when jungkook does it it’s bc he’s such a rude human being? like what 😂 also the fact that nobody cares enough about him to sit down and listen about why he’s so cold and focused only on work but he has to be more mindful and understanding when it comes to her is hypocritical especially hobi he’s at the top of the list bc one she’s an assistant not the ceo which means he has far more to loose than her and two where was this energy whenever he needed help with his father or why didn’t anyone reach out to him when he needed an actually friend? see this is why i won’t ever have sympathy for her or anyone else in this story they all question his character but never why nobody was there for him when all of this horrible stuff with his father happened or made him become this cold person. she just makes no sense at all and i also don’t care about her personal life when everybody has problems at work or outside of it bc even jungkook for example makes sure to wake up everyday to go through his notes something hobi never did with her before. im on jungkooks side in this fic, bc dude‘s wild side only appears OFF WORK and not WHILE AT WORK so he has every right to hookup with whom he wants. he still isn’t unprofessional like her.

im sorry for writing so much but before i go i wanted to say that you’re an incredible writer and i hope you never stop (🥺)! i appreciate the fact that you always share your amazing work with us and i really really love your story’s so im already patiently waiting for the new chapter! have a great day. ☺️🤍

Hi, I appreciate this passion towards my story! Although, I'll point out a few things (and this might be a spoiler for some).

First thing, the company CEO is JK's father. Hoseok is the President and is part of the family bc his mother is the CEO's sister. JK is the Vice President, and both men are being primed to co-lead the company. So ALL of them demand excellence from their employees, not just JK. And all staff give that; no one from the team, especially OC who's proved how well she works, is breaking any of that down.

OC doesn't demand for the executives to be friendly towards them. The CEO and Hoseok want that culture. I'm not sure where you got the claims that someone is giving extra credit bc they're friends with the employees? It's a cordial environment. There's so much talk about the hecticness of everything but that everyone's pulling their weight and delivering exceptionally, so who's being ungrateful? Hoseok was friendly with everyone, but especially OC because she's his EA, so they're definitely a lot closer.

JK didn't adjust his work environment bc OC felt she wasn't good enough. He did that on his own bc he felt guilty with the way he treated her after learning how hard she works but that she doesn't make excuses for her shortcomings, even if shit was happening in her personal life. (And also bc he’s attracted to her like, that was established in ch1).

OC doesn't "want" JK to spend for their food. Again, team culture. The comparisons are natural, and something OC admitted was wrong. Characters are allowed to develop in a story, the same way with JK who doesn't show his gratitude to his team but eventually learns to do that.

Nobody cares enough about JK to sit down and listen about why he’s so cold and focused only on work -- this is the whole point of the story, which has been mentioned so many times. OC is literally the one person who's being understanding about it.

I get that you don't care about her personal life but this is a JK x OC story, of course the focus would be on their personal lives.

Also, yes, JK has every right to hook up with whoever he wants, nobody questions that?? And OC's exes showing up isn't her fault?? And it’s a boss x assistant fic so things are obviously going to be unprofessional 😭😭

All this to say that this is fanfiction but I tried to make the company culture and work approach and characters as real as possible (aka flawed). I'm also pretty overwhelmed by this amount of hatred for a character like, disliking her as an assistant and a human being?? This actually makes me sad (definitely not a great day haha 😅) but then again, I never write perfect characters, and I shouldn't expect that they'd be loved or appreciated all the time. I'm always very protective of them though so I hope you understand that I'm being a bit defensive bc this is alot to say for a story that isn't finished yet and where the characters are still on a journey. This isn’t to say you aren’t allowed to criticize them but this is just… a lot. You did say you love the story so is it ok if you share what you love about it?

But also, it makes me wonder if you still want to continue reading? Bc there's gonna be more of the people you dislike in this story, there's gonna be more about OC's personal life, there's gonna be more mistakes and miscommunication, and JK and OC are gonna end up together... 😬😬

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anne-i-write · 4 years ago

Text

moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1

| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their children and hpw many children they want? |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader

word count: 2397

pt. 2: 221b boys

a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS

william: 487 words

with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children

well, until he met you

you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother

“i think two children would be nice”

“i didn’t even ask”

“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”

n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted

fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl

and they look exactly like their father

like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father

you wanted to be like ��oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”

granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through

like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him

ok but the men w your children

fred is a freaking sweetheart ok

like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for

tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO

louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time

you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate

and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian

but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister

needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that

now, william

i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)

but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life

like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles

he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them

you still instill in them those good morals ofc

he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans

when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much

but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world

louis: 320 words

it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you

“if you could, how many kids do you want?”

“none”

like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart

but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them

william especially

louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???

anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO

and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis

yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms

the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with

he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be

that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house

you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts

even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”

louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family

is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him

he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves

oh and louis smiles a lot more too

cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”

all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you

albert: 505 words

same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer

“you know you haven’t even answered my question”

“i’m sorry, what did you say?”

“how many kids do you want?”

genuinely takes time to ponder that question

he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis

but with you?

“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”

pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺

you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father

and tbh, you’re not even mad

you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic

the happiness was short lived for albert tho

he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????

“where’s your sister?”

“she’s with mr. moran”

his heart DROPPED

out of all the people in the manor

HIM

he sees the two running around the garden

it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”

he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped

you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on

“but him??”

“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”

isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little

actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them

otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao

“albert, she only tripped”

“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”

“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”

would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids

william and louis are the doting uncles

william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile

now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile

louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away

omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried

so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face

your daughter was like (・∀・)

she loves uncle louis

ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general

feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad

lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason

the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other

your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps

instantly loves fred

“is that what heartbreak is”

“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”

albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him

loves your family with his entire being

sebastian: 844 words

“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”

lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit

that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol

“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”

bruh

this man gives you three in four years LMFAO

two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year

you wanted to smack sebastian

when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense

it was terrifying

they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan

and the satan was your eldest one

he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body

your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament

and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father

it was FINE right

you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you

your daughter was birthed, she grew up

and you cried

“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”

“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”

you sulk for a lil bit

but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids

thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth

smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other

“WHYD YOU HIT ME”

“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”

finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing

“father does it!”

“your father’s stupid”

speaking of your daughter

she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism

spoils her more than he spoils you

did she glance at a toy at a passing store?

he buys more toys than he should from said store

you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy

and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob

if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her

oh boy

get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas

“little sister will be protected at all costs”

since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it

doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so

but honestly loves that your second son is so literate

lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots

kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town

anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right

you got ray, norman, and emma

granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was

regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together

sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag

he had half a mind to scold him

but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—

bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”

louis is so fed up lmao

albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”

william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library

your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages

your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites

they don’t show it, but you just KNOW

your eldest could care less about that though

as long as you and his father still love him

and of course you both do

and fred is definitely your youngers favorite

they like to hang out in the garden

ok they still fight all the time though

just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands

their sister likes to join in for the hell of it

but if someone wrongs any of the children

just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too

yeah,,, good luck to them and their families

they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them

fred: 241 words

cmon yall are like,, young

but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it

he wants one

and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl

since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father

everyone who meets her would die for her

ABSOLUTE CUTIE

especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them

needless to say she grows up loving plants

any type of plant

the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time

no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock

this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each

was afraid she was gonna cry

“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”

she was like 4 at the time

and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her

guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness

but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her

fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around

everyone just loves her ok

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

#moriarty the patriot #moriarty the patriot x reader #yuukoku no moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty x reader #william james moriarty #william moriarty #william james moriarty x reader #william moriarty x reader #louis james moriarty #louis moriarty #louis james moriarty x reader #louis moriarty x reader #albert james moriarty #albert moriarty #albert james moriarty x reader #albert moriarty x reader #sebastian moran #sebastian moran x reader #fred porlock

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mandoalorian · 4 years ago

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Would you be able to do headcanons for each of the boys if their partner was abused by an ex and had a hard time trusting others bc of it? I understand if it's something you're not really comfortable with writing about tho

Pedro boys if you were abused by an ex

This has been sitting in my inbox for months and I’ve been pacing back and forth around it. As someone who’s been on the receiving end of this, I didn’t want to accidentally trigger myself— but, I think I done pretty well. Obviously this is very sensitive so please heed the warnings before you read.

REBLOGS APPRECIATED

Warnings: mention of abuse, trauma

Headcanons under cut:

Maxwell Lord

Straight up; he gets it. It’s a sad truth, but he’s been through it all before, with his father. Yes, you were hurt by an ex and he was hurt by his dad but the abuse left you both feeling completely trapped and isolated. He has a deep understanding of how this type of thing can affect you and he will be more than compassionate. You want to take things slow? He understands completely, and he will always be there for you. Finally he feels like this is one thing he might actually be able to help you with, on a personal level.

Din Djarin

His first reaction upon learning that there is someone out there who has hurt you, is to find them, and fight them. He bolts away to grab his pulse rifle and some detonators, and he demands to know which planet your ex is residing on. His reaction is intense, and honestly? It’s frightening. Din sees red— which is unusual, because he’s normally pretty patient and calm. You know deep down he means well, and his reaction is simply just because he cares about you so much, but you beg him not to confront your ex. When he sees the fear in your eyes, he apologises immediately for his reaction and he hopes he hasn’t overstepped.

Ezra

Similarly to Din, Ezra sees red. He’s fuming. And for once, he’s surprisingly quiet. “Wait here, little bird,” he tells you, his voice quiet as he tries to soothe you. But he’s soft lips are quivering with rage and you watch him intently as he gathers his things. You ask him what he’s doing, and it’s clear he’s packing his belongings. He doesn’t answer at first, but then he tells you not to worry. “I’ll be back. It just seems that suddenly I’m needing to pay someone a visit.” And you know better than to protest with Ezra. He returns a few hours later, a lot more chipper and relax. “They won’t be bothering you anymore, stardust, I can assure you of that.”

Javier Peña

It’s a lot for him to process, sure. He’s mad though. He doesn’t really show it, because Javi often bottles up his emotions, but you notice that there’s an unmistakeable glint in his dark eyes. He’s already plotting some kind of revenge, and he’ll probably ask Steve to help him. So, Javier pays your ex a visit. The second he sees eye to eye with the person who hurt you, he just can’t keep it to himself anymore and a fight will break out. And Javier will win. When he gets home, you run into his chest and express how worried you were about him. And then he’s soft— the softest you’ve ever seen him. He folds into your arms and cradles you tight. “If anyone ever hurts you, cariño, you tell me. Okay? No one hurts my baby.”

Frankie Morales

The anger doesn’t settle in until later, because, unlike his friends, Frankie can usually stay pretty level-headed. The first thing he says though? He apologises. “Frankie, you have no reason to be sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong.” you try to reassure him. But he feels guilty. If only he had come into your life sooner, and maybe then, you wouldn’t have had to endure so much pain. He pulls you into his lap and smooths out your hair. He tells you he loves you and thanks you for finding the bravery to open up about something so difficult. He doesn’t let the anger overwhelm him and he doesn’t act on a whim. Instead, he asks if there’s anything you want him to do. If you want Frankie to beat the shit out of your ex? He will. If you want Frankie to just stay here, with you, and show you love and comfort, he’s fine doing that too. Whatever you need, Frankie will provide.

Dave York

He’s going to murder them.

Permanent taglist: @paintballkid711 @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell l @ah-callie @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl l @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal l @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal l @castiel-barnes @honeymandos @rocketqueen @dybalalover10 @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth h @moth-guillotine @pedro-pascal-love @hayley-the-comet @pinkninja200 @maxiarapamaya @autumnleaves1991-blog @artsymaddie @harrys-stan @kennedywxlsh @cripplingmoon @cheekygeek05 @mrschiltoncat @rye-flower @theamuz @persie33 @sleepylunarwolf @martellthemandalor @pedro-pastel l @steeevienicks @rrtxcmt @saphic-susperia @ladyjenny19 @readsalot73 @softmedics @jade10077 @dodgerandevans @planetariumx @pascals-cat

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #maxwell lord #din djarin #the mandalorian #frankie morales #ezra prospect #javier peña #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #pedro pascal x you #dave york

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beamystar · 4 years ago

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Could you do a reader x Louis fic where maybe he falls hard for white fox with the fluffiest tail? 👉🏻👈🏻Like maybe he met them outside of school during the meteor festival before the anime ends or if that’s too hard you can come up with your own scenario..sORRY I HOPE IM NOT BEING COMPLICATED! Thank you !

A/N: thank you for the request !! I’ve definitely got a few in my inbox and I think what I’m planning to do is a louis insert/legosi insert/louis- back and forth like that, bc they’re basically the only requests I’ve gotten haha!

There will actually be a part 2 to this because it got a little long, so look forward to it! :)

Clouds— Or Something Along Those Lines (Louis x You)

The meteor festival was busy, like always. Every year the school helped participate in the event- all the clubs suddenly had their hands full of activities, regardless if they were a very popular club or not. Everyone had to chip in at least a little bit!

You were one of the students in your sort-of-elitist school who wasn’t a part of a club. You never really found a specific interest in anything that was offered, and your attention tended to waver between multiple things at once. So you really wouldn’t make a good club member to begin with- that was your reasoning for not joining. But, to counter that- you decided to be the helping hand if anyone found themself in need of one.

And no one needed a helping hand more than when it was the meteor festival. There basically wasn’t a moment that you weren’t on your feet, helping several of the clubs with their more tedious chores that they’d rather hand off to someone else so they could focus on something more important.

Not that you really mind. This is what you signed up for! You’re definitely not the fastest animal out there, or the strongest, but you think you’re a good enough compromise for most things. You’re in the middle of fast-walking through the park with multiple boxes in your hands- kind of towering over you so that it was hard to see, but it should be fine.

And then, of course, you had to run into somebody. Of course you did. Thankfully, whoever you bumped into was tall and fast, and they helped steady the boxes in your arms before any of them could fall.

“Whoa!” You exclaim before you laugh a bit under your breath. “Thank you- I’m real sorry about that!” Looking over the boxes, you see who you ran into-

And of course! It’s the most pretentious member of your pretentious school, Louis the red deer.

The deer actually looks frustrated- which is new- before he quickly fixes his tense features and tries to look undisturbed. “It’s fine,” he assures you. “But you should probably lighten your load so it doesn’t happen again.”

“Oh, is that an offer?” Your ears perk up and you can see the flash of irritation on his face. Your tail wags just a bit in interest.

You’ve never been this close to Louis before- you never had a reason to. You were never a big fan of plays to begin with and you didn’t like how everyone idolized Louis- and you especially didn’t like how Louis idolized himself. But seeing the deer struggle to keep his usual perfect composure intrigues you.

“...I suppose I have time,” Louis sighs through his nose and picks up the boxes sitting atop your stack with ease. “Where are we headed?”

“Just to that stall over there- I’m delivering some more supplies.” You take the lead, walking ahead of Louis as you walk down the path. You have to pace a little in order to be in the front- his legs are much longer than yours- but you manage. It’s easier now that your load has been lightened a bit.

“...Sound supplies. Are you a part of the music club?”

“Ah, observant. I’d expect nothing less,” your tail wags casually between your legs as you smile. “No, I’m not a part of any club. I just like to help out- ah, you can put them over here-“ you reach the stall and walk around it, toward the tall oak tree it’s next to. You huff as you drop the heavy boxes, Louis placing the others right next to it.

You sigh and stretch your back before you look up to him, meeting his eye as you smile. “Thank you, Louis. Is there anything the theatre club needs help with?”

The club president waves your offer off with his hand. You don’t miss the fact that he’s the first to break eye contact. “No, that won’t be necessary. Thank you for the offer, though.”

“So polite,” you eye him in interest. “And so well trained, too. No wonder you’re popular.”

You hold back your grin as you see him get angry again. It’s only a split second- but a second is all you need.

“Trained?” He sounds throughly offended, as he should. That was the point.

“I’m just tugging your tail, don’t worry,” you put your hands on your hips and shrug. “You’re very emotional today. Your nose flares when you’re angry, you know. I can see it.”

Louis doesn’t say anything back- perhaps because he’s dumbfounded or perhaps because he doesn’t want to feed your nonsense. Which is fair enough.

“I guess that’s just my foxy nature or something- being a little shit sometimes,” you chuckle. “I’m sorry if I offended you. But if you do need my help, give me a holler, yeah?”

You leave him alone beneath the oak tree, making a quick retreat as you have more music supplies to deliver. You know when you push your luck with some animals and you were definitely doing that with Louis- you can practically feel his glare on your back as you casually walk away.

Surprisingly enough, though- one of the club members for the theatre comes up to you eventually and asks for your help. “Louis said to find the fox with the fluffy tail,” it was a tall peacock who found you. He points to your tail with his feathered hand. “I’m assuming that’s you?”

You can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, that’s me.”

Apparently you had left somewhat of an impact on him- enough to actually tell his club members about you. And when you head over to the tall, impressive structure that you’ve honestly been eyeing the entire time it’s been here, Louis is standing nearby with his hands on his hips as he instructs several other animals about something or other.

You’re instructed by the peacock to help paint the large dragon, and you do so happily, though you can’t help but wander off eventually so that you creep up to Louis when he’s distracted. Silently, you get close enough so you can tickle the hand by his side with your supposedly fluffy tail.

The feeling shocks him and he looks down at you with wide eyes, and you look back up at him with a wide smile. “It’s you,” he barely manages to hold back what’s probably disgust in his tone as he holds his hand close to his chest. You laugh.

“Don’t act surprised, you’re the one who basically invited me here! I knew you’d eventually need my help.”

“Oh, you knew, did you?”

“Mhmm. And I wasn’t wrong.” You wave your little paintbrush around, circling it between your fingers. “Thanks for the compliment, by the way.”

Louis looks like he doesn’t know what on earth you’re talking about, making you snort. “Fluffy tail? That’s a compliment if you ask me.”

The deer’s mouth falls open- closed- and then open again- until eventually he gives up and looks away from you completely. “It’s not a compliment,” is all he manages to say.

Your tail wags. “Sure it’s not.”

His twitching brow and flaring nose tells you otherwise.

#louis x reader #louis x you #louis the red deer x reader #louis the red deer #louis #beastars louis x reader #beastars louis #beastars #beastars x reader #x reader

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transromanticism · 3 years ago

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alright so shawngus + the lyrics “you wrote 100 letters just for me/ and i find them in my closet in the pockets of my jeans/ now i'm constantly reminded of the time i was 19/ every single one's forgotten in a laundromat machine”

(like this is gus 5ish years after shawn left after graduation without saying anything. gus went a couple of months without hearing from him and then shawn started sending letters/postcards and he never really explained himself but just acted like everything was normal (ok maybe he apologised a bit). and gus never responded to any of them bc he was mad (going off the same theme as my other ask), and then these vibes).

okay so LMAO i was planning on writing a proper fic out of this (still might tbh who knows i sure don't) but since it has taken so long already and i feel bad for letting this ask in my inbox, here's an outline? i guess? went kinda jackwild with it but stuck to the lyrics at least so hope you like it :P

after graduation shawn just up and left. gus is left a little too shaken up, but after some days he notices how the signs were there, shawn always talking about leaving, learning other stuff, etc etc. he thinks it was kind of inevitable, you can't really stop shawn spencer, can you? doesn't mean he's not angry.

only thing gus has wrt shawn's status is whatever he talked about prior to leaving, and the little note he left at the Spencers' fridge (it said like, left and not coming back anytime soon, will keep in touch, tell gus i'm sorry). gus has no idea what shawn means by keeping in touch, but after a couple months, his parents call him about a letter from shawn addressed to gus and if they should send it to him.

it becomes a monthly? bi-weekly? thing, then: shawn sends a letter to the gusters' house in santa barbara, and they send it to gus at college. when gus goes back to sb, he either goes to his parents' house to pick up the letter, or they send it to his house.

the subject of the letter range from updates on shawn's life to miscellaneous ramblings. the first letter was an explanation and apology to gus, the awkwardness palpable in the words. the following letters still had this feeling of i wanna keep in touch, but i'm not sure i should. shawn always ended the letters with some questions on how gus was doing, first in hope he would answer, and later on just more out of routine. he would never get angry at gus for not responding, knows too well gus has every right to still be mad at him. shawn got worried gus wouldn't like his letters, especially after he inicially never got a reply, but, yknow, he never got a reply, nothing saying him to stop, and he would rather bother gus with his business then to hurt gus even more.

so! this keeps going on for the 10 years shawn's away, until he comes back (the last letter he sent said he was coming back, so it's not such a surprise to gus when he arrives at his doorstep a little out of breath bc he had to ask the gusters where gus was currently at). they don't really mention the letter, tbh. like, after some days, shawn asks gus if he ever got his letters, and when gus answers yes, shawn asks if he read then, to which gus days yes, and after a beat he days thank you and doesn't really elaborate, and shawn's not sure he has the right to pry, so he just smiles at gus and leaves the subject.

UNTIL when gus's moving, he calls shawn to help him pack and stuff (completely forgot how moving works lmao sorry), and while shawn's rummaging through gus's closet, he finds this box? chest? idk in the back of the closet, behind all this stuff, with some dust over it, all worn out at the sides, with a note on its top that reads shawn's letters. the box is clearly old, and probably needs some taken care of, but it's a sentimental thing, yknow? you don't keep something like that for so long if it doesn't hold some sentimental value to you.

shawn doesn't open it outright, he's not a jerk, but he does hold it and just sits in the middle of the bedroom, not really sure what to do. he stays like that for so long gus starts to worry, calling for shawn until he finds him there, still a little in shock.

"those are my letter," gus nods, "the ones i sent you while i was away, those letter."

"yes, shawn, those letter."

"you kept them." shawn's starting to get teary eyed now, but he doesn't want to wet the box, god knows what salt water will do to it.

"you expected me to throw away my best friend's letters?"

"i don't know what i expected, to be honest."

it's been, what? some few years since shawn came back? anyway, their dynamic came back to what it used to be, and the feelings they had for each other just grew strong (they never went away, is the thing, it just wasn't very apparent when they weren't together all the time). yet, it's kinda awkward. new territory and stuff, yknow? they stare at each other for a while, like a while while, until gus just sits down besides shawn (who has not stopped crying btw, but is trying his hardest to not wet the box), picks the box off his hands and sets it aside, and then, very very softly, just cups shawn's face, not really cleaning his tears.

"shawn," and is gus also crying? look, goddamn sue him, it's all very emotional, "thank you" and he kisses him. not a hungry kiss, though it feels like something they both have been starving for, or a rushed kiss, because they have all the time in the world. it's soft, sweet, but reassuring, certain, this is what i want, thank you, thank you, thank you.

#asks.txt #a: fruitygus #psych #psy: a friendship for the ages #*m: au #*m: psych #HEY long time no see right lmao sorry for taking so long totally my bad #anyway i'm going through my inbox so expect some answers in the next few days <3 #also it's late and i don't feel like going through this so have it in its rawest form #(what am i even saying i always send my stuff in its rawest form? anyway i will shut up now)

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aurorxbanks · 4 years ago

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hello my friends !!! it is i, chelly, once again to throw my babie at you all :~) i hope y’all will love miss aurora just as much as i do, bc she holds a special place in my heart and i’m really excited to have her here! i think she’s gonna adore all of y’alls muses so :~) please don’t be shy, hit me up, i’ll be around in an inbox near you soon too to plot and chat! okay, before i ramble too too much, here is her way too long bio. love youuu

* : ･ﾟ･✧･ meet aurora marlowe banks ･✧･ﾟ･ : *

tw: ptsd, trauma, construction accident, panic attacks, hospitals

TL:DR: oof, i struggle with coming up with a too long, don’t read for miss aurora BUT at her core, she’s just this sweet child who grew up in a really close family in maine. the banks got thrown for quite the loop after her father suffered from a massive accident, leading to many medical complications and hardship for her family. she suffers from pstd and panic attacks as a result, but she’s been blessed with a strong support system too and she manages well enough, all things considered. at the hotel, she’s a vet tech and is in her final year of becoming a veterinarian at the university of illinois - chicago. so naturally, a huge animal lover but food is also her love language and those of her two favorite ways to bond with new people. she’s timid and shy, a little naive and gullible, but a truly amazing friend and someone who loves and cares with her entire being. a good little egg and i hope y’all will love her as much as i do.

wanted connects: bc i don’t want them to get lost in the novel abys ... i’d love for her to have some vet pals, or rlly just pals who work in the pet daycare with her! if you’re a fellow cook, she’s going to ask you what your favorite recipes are with a pen and pad in hand so ... get ready for that one! she’d love a running buddy, or someone who’d spur of the moment sign up with her for marathons and such so like, bring them on, she’s an early riser so will motivate you to go train with her at 6 am - you have been warned! she’s only ever been with a few people in her life sexually and romantically, but she is very very bisexual so having an ex partner or a once upon a time crush/unrequited love could be hella !!! oof i cannot see aurora hating anyone, but something of a frenemies situation could be angsty and fun. they first met bc aurora almost ran them over while she was rollerblading and changing her song so the phrase ‘don’t text and skate’ came to exist askdf i’ve also got it in my head that her sister natalie’s fc is alycia debnam carey and her sister winifred’s fc is katherine/josephine langford so ... okay i’m just going on and on here huh okay i’ll shut up

now, onto the WAY too long biography i wrote for her ... but here we go :~)

tw: ptsd, trauma, construction accident, panic attacks, hospitals

*:･ﾟ･✧･ who am i?: the coastal town of kennebunkport maine, tucked into the southern half of the state, was what aurora called home for most of her life. it’s a tiny little town with a population just under four thousand people, but it was during the summers that the area would come to life. her father, artie, was an architect per his degree but was a contractor by trade so he was constantly finding work to further develop what was becoming more and more of a tourist attraction each summer. so he had gotten to know the people in the town well, was often working construction jobs as he had a relatively small crew, and that meant aurora and her mother emilia were always out and about. whether they were bringing artie a bagged lunch on his break, or going down by the shore to collect sea shells even if it was the winter season, they’d become quickly and easily acquainted with everyone. and aurora wasn’t their first daughter, either, she has two older sisters: natalie and winifred aka natty and winnie. both of whom are named after their grandmothers, but winifred will tell you she got the short stick but thank god for hocus pocus because winnie is far cuter. anyways. so for the three little ducklings to be following their mama emilia, the town knew the banks family well and they were very well liked. they spent a lot of time on the beach as soon as the weather was warm enough, but they also liked driving the rv out onto the sand when it was too cold, too. they’d wear gloves and bundle up and the big fluffy german shepherd named scout would frolic along with the girls chasing after him, too. aurora spent just as much time chasing after her two older sisters, too, just wanting to keep up with them whether it be in school, or at home, or wherever. artie and emilia were high school sweethearts, moving to kennebunkport after they got married, and they were just exceptionally close and in love, maintaining their family wasn’t difficult. aurora was always a little quieter than her sisters, shier and slower to jump into conversation about whatever book she was reading or joining in on the chalk drawing all over the sidewalks with the neighbors, but she was every bit as present as her sisters were, too. it was truly a community, and one that aurora didn’t ever realize that she was going to be needing as desperately as she did after the accident.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ a new reality: when she was ten, her father was in a massive accident on one of his worksites as he was building a new beach house on a newly developed property. which was more of a mansion, truly, and the landscaping was still being mulled over. it left for some interesting scaffolding, even fault in some spots, and it was one wrong step that left her father falling a few floors down onto a bed of hard gravel below. as a result, he was in the hospital for the better part of a year as he suffered from a severe head injury as well as a broken back that took too long to heal as he was especially susceptible to complications given his type one diabetes rendering him immunocompromised. needless to say, aurora and her family spent a lot of time in the hospital during that beyond difficult year. emilia, the champion mama that she is, kept it together as best she could but the banks were truly a broken family. what they were going through, the way in which three young girls were being tested, and the medical bills that stacked up quickly … it was honestly a miracle that they had any sort of sanity at all. as a sort of escape, aurora spent a lot of time in the children’s unit of the hospital, because she tried making friends with some of the other kids her age ( since being around her sisters all of the time was also difficult for her ). she was there often enough, and they’d play tag when the nurses weren’t looking, and would eat in the caf together on the good days, and there were a lot of wholesome memories that aurora got to make when she wasn’t by her dad’s side. there was, however, the heartbreaking nights where a nurse would stop by and take aurora aside, tell her that one of her friends at the hospital had passed, and it was never news that she stomached well. of course, how could any kid? but aurora feels everything, all of her emotions, with her entire being. a lot of it just became too much all at once, and that’s when her panic attacks began. when it all became too heavy, in the stark white halls of the hospital wings, aurora would find herself curled up in herself barely able to breathe let alone think … the nurses, the doctors, they were incredible of course, but truly it was being surrounded by her family once more that allowed for little aurora to center herself again.

it was a little over a month before artie came out of his coma, and it was an even longer and slower recovery than was expected. seeing her father in the hospital bed, unresponsive, unsure if she would ever get to talk to him or sit in his lap as he read her a story, wondering if he was going to get to see her play soccer in the fall on the a team … for a young kid, it was a lot. it was a lot of trauma for a long time. but artie did wake up, which was a miracle in his own right truthfully, but so was his recovery. it was a long ten months of intensive rehabilitation, repeated fMRIs, and pitfalls but god was it a well-needed moral boost for the banks family. and even though there was still so much work to be done toward artie’s full recovery, if there was to be one, at least he was alive. at least aurora still had her daddy, and that made all the difference. as head injuries can be difficult, and unpredictable, it was uncertain what brain functioning and part of his brain would be affected fully. and as aurora had come to find, her father’s personality, the frontal lobe? he was still that very same person she had known her entire life, and emilia wholeheartedly agreed. the main differences came from his body, as he couldn’t move in the same ways anymore, he had to essentially re-learn how to sit up, stand, walk, but he did. in conversation, the recall on certain words, phrases, experiences .. it comes and goes, some things are there and others need a hefty amount of prompting, but the banks will live with that over the alternative every day of the week. it’s been nearly ten years since, and artie has come such a long way. no longer working on-sight anymore, he still works alongside his partner in their architecture consulting business. so to put it lightly, the recovery was better than even the doctors had come to expect. but the trauma, well that has always lingered with aurora. all that she had seen, had heard, the beeping of the monitors that her father was hooked up to, the sterile scent of the sheets that would replace the bed her friends in the pediatric ward occupied … it still haunts her. every night before bed, and every morning when she’d wake, she’d have to make sure her parents were still there, alive, breathing, able to respond to her when she’d reach for their hand. if mama was napping and aurora couldn’t hear that faint snore, she’d have to check on her. if dad fell asleep at his desk from exhaustion, she’d poke him awake with a few tears in her eyes. and even if it’s been ten years, it’s still something she’s likely to do with whoever she’s living with. luckily, when the time came, her college roommate understood.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ years to come: just to make it through the recovery year, and the rehabilitation years that followed, aurora leaned heavily on her sisters. they were three little peas in a pod and aurora’s never been closer with anyone else in her life and she never will be. they were, and for the most part still are, iseparable. they’ve got a groupchat that’s active at any hour of the day, has been for the past decade, hell even before unlimited texting they were on aim - and aurora wouldn’t have it any other way honestly. the only reason she did decently in school is because of her sisters’ influence, as they’re a few years her senior. they always kept aurora in the right spirits, along the right path, and a lot of that probably came from emilia’s request but aurora didn’t mind. she wasn’t ever looked at as the annoying little sister, but as an equal, and she truly appreciated that and them more than she could ever express. their bond is unbreakable, and it’s been tested time and time again, but it’s where aurora’s strong sense of loyalty comes from. it’s also a huge contributor to her endless ability to care for others. which, that particular trait has been responsible in getting her heart broken on more than one occasion, as aurora was the type to fall hard and fast especially when it came to any beautiful person glancing her way in the halls. but again, she had her sisters to protect her, to nurture any broken hearts or help mend any rocky friendships that teenage girls can have. if she ever accidentally hurt someone else, or if she was the one who got crushed, that ability to feel every little thing with her entire being would do a number on her, but natty and winnie were always right by her side. artie and emilia give the world’s best hugs, and always know when something’s up with their daughter. it allowed for aurora to grow, to express herself fully, to feel accepted despite her niuances. she’s found it difficult at times to connect with people her own age considering her mature experiences, but she’s done her best and the people who truly care for her have remained, and others have faded into the background, and that’s okay. aurora knows that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever, but those who are, are held closely to her heart.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ onward: it was a difficult enough decision for aurora to venture out beyond her small town in maine for the big city .. truth be told, she likely wouldn’t have if it weren’t for winnie having made the move first. natty, the eldest, attended colby college in order to stay close to the family and for awhile there, aurora likely dreamt of doing the very same. but winnie was offered decent aid northwestern university, and she really wanted the opportunity to branch out and get out of the small corner of the work that the banks had been occupying for so many years. and while aurora and natty were a little heartbroken, that only lasted for a few weeks, before they got on the same page as their very supportive parents and knew that it was going to be one of he best things for winnie. and for the last two years of her high school experience, without her sisters being in the same building or the same house, aurora started to grow more on her own. she liked being able to make the roadtrip with natty to visit winnie on the weekends, to see what life was like outside of their hometown. illinois was exciting, and chicago was rich in diversity, and it greatly attracted all three of them. aurora especially, and she was constantly in her guidance office discussing the different colleges in the area and degrees she could be going after. she was a particularly good student, got a lot of tutelage from her support system, and the sciences were her favorite. she even made her parents buy her a special set of goggles for her chem lab and yes, she got made fun of for it, but aurora didn’t care. the concept of medicine was attractive to her, considering all she had been through and where her interests led her, but she couldn’t bring herself to envisioning MD at the end of her title … working alongside a human population, it just felt a little too overwhelming for her, perhaps even triggering, but she still felt that pull. and her guidance counselor knew that, also knew how often aurora volunteered at the local animal shelters and fostered as many as she could ( or rather, as many as her parents would allow ) so the topic of veterinary school came up, as did the university of chicago and their program offerings … and honestly, it was like overnight, aurora had made her decision.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ decision day: just shy of her eighteenth birthday and aurora was already enrolled and committed to attend the college of veterinary medicine and the school of public health at the university of illinois-chicago. it’s a five year program that she’s just about ready to finish, with only her clinical hours to go, before she can officially call herself a vet. and it was just last summer that she finished her vet technician credentials to be able to practice as a vet tech legally and outside of the scope of the college’s intern hour requirements, which is how she got herself a free place to live at the malnati. because while aurora loves her school, she’s always had a tough enough time fitting in with classmates who are her age, with kids who just wanted to goof off and fuck around. because aurora’s never been that girl. she’s quiet, timid even, and it takes her awhile to warm up to people - especially new people. she got to live in her little slice of the world in maine where her family were her biggest supporters and the rest of the two just knew her. aurora rarely had to introduce herself to anyone, ever. so it was a whirlwind of a new experience, and she was lucky to have winnie in reasonable driving distance, but it still made it difficult for aurora. the party scene was never hers, in fact being in large groups of people can occasionally overwhelm her, so she tested it out a few times before deciding that it wasn’t gonna be for her. she didn't like how her panic attacks seemed to get worse if she was around far too many intoxicated people, so she decided against them for herself personally. aurora much prefers the, let’s go get sushi and then roam around the art gallery, type of weekends. so needless to say, she stuck to the few good friends in her program, some outside of it too, and just lived. she would run 5ks to support local causes, attend street markets and festivals on the weekends, run around hopping from one train to the next to get to work and then back onto campus so she could afford everything. but in her last year, it’ll be more than nice to have the malnati as it’s one less bill and one stable job to maintain on her resume while she completes her degree.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ love languages: which - that honorable sushi mention up there? well, food is one of aurora’s love languages. once her dad was able to come home, the girls became avid chefs. emilia was always a good cook, but more than that she taught the girls all kinds of recipes and techniques and it just created this type of burning, lasting memory in aurora’s mind and honestly being in the kitchen is just her second happy place. the first? well anywhere she can be surrounded by animals - that’s her first happy place. because she’s the biggest animal lover, but she’s also a huge foodie. she doesn’t cook as much as she used to being in chicago, as she did back home in maine, but with the suites having pretty incredible appliances considering the size, she’s excited to get back into it. handwritten recipe cards fill a few binders that she’s put together, and nothing makes aurora feel more at home than her dad’s handwriting, cause he’d scrawl down whatever emilia would tell him to as she was cooking, and it’s just a little shaky from the brain injury but it’s perfect. it’s him. it’s her dad’s. and she really loves the little hearts that’re on every card that her mom would add at the end, so she’s excited to start using them again. which means that she will feed you, she will share tupperware and accept new recipe cards with a lot of excitement. but also now, getting to live in a place where she is able to take care of all these beautiful pets in such a glamorous daycare? well, aurora’s somewhere between heaven and heaven - cause she’s got this big heart that’s filled with floof balls, and gorgeous birds, and reptiles with textured skin - and don’t get her started on the cutest ferret that one of the guests has lodged at the daycare for weeks and she cannot get enough of. so she’s fully ready to make just about any excuse to show up and hang out with you and your pets, because she vehemently loves quality time and as this also being one of her love languages, she can never get enough.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ four wheels, two legs, a paintbrush: but amongst other things that aurora enjoys? she’s a big rollerblader, like actually owns inline skates and will use them to get around chicago if she pleases and 100% takes those very aesthetic tiktoks wearing her bellbottom jeans and hair all blown out … it’s one of the very few instances of aurora being vain, but she just enjoys it too much. very much into running, it’s the only other form of exercise she willingly participates in ( unless it’s swimming because of course she loves to do that ) and she swears one of these days her knees are gonna be the end of her but she keeps up with it anyways. she signs up for 5k’s without question and half marathons take a few extra moments of consideration but she’ll do those too - she’s determined to do her first marathon soon and she’s really looking forward to it. she’s also not very good at it, but she loves to paint. she’s gotten a lot of those ‘paint by number’ watercolors that she saw ads for on instagram for way too long before finally placing an order but she really loves those. she’s got a vintage polaroid camera from her grandmother’s closet that she is very protective over but she’s highkey in love with it. that one stays in its case in the trunk at the end of her bed, but she’s gotten a less sentimental polaroid to use as more of a decor piece on her dresser. and literally no one is surprised at this point, but she’s got a record player and a bunch of vinyls from her dad’s collection and her sisters make fun of her for being 'that bitch’ but she doesn’t care - it’s just all a part of what makes aurora authentically herself.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ empath: of which, she’s exceptionally kind. to a fault, mostly. she’s gullible and naive, which caused her to be manipulated growing up but she had support to get her out of those situations when she needed it. because aurora is trusting, and trustworthy, but she mostly wants to see the good in other people. but she’s also learned from the moments in her life that burned her, and she tends to keep to herself a bit, and is very slow on the open up, but she liked to have friends. very much a social person, actually, she’s just gotta get used to the new and exciting and feel people out before she’s her most honest self. which is a bit of a goofy, smiley, supportive gal who very clearly grew up in a tight knit family because she’s quick to pull people into her circle who want to be there, and who care enough about her to be there in the first place. her favorite people are good people, and all she ever tries to do is her best. once she’s open to someone, she’s with them 100% of the way and holds the people in her life very close to her heart. she feels with her entire heart and soul, whole body, and sometimes that can be emotionally exhausting and even physically draining so she may need to step back from time to time, but she’s still always gonna be there. aurora will talk through emotions and isn’t afraid of having the deep talks either, which is probably one of the things that makes her such a good friend. being in chicago, she’s a wide eyed gal with a big heart, whose experiences have shaped her, and she is unapologetically herself.

#malnatiooc #+ ( introduction * . )#i'm BACK

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mikelogan · 7 years ago

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jdox prompt: when perry and jd break up, everyone assumes perry’s fine because 1.) he broke up with jd (not the other way around), and 2.) he’s stoic about it. Then someone (probably carla) realizes that perry’s harder on the interns and that he looks sad when he thinks no one is looking. she talks to him and he confesses that he regrets breaking up with jd. (i hope you do this prompt bc i love your fics so much!!)

Carla’sday had started like any other. Shewoke, showered, dressed, had breakfast, and cleaned up around the apartmentwhile she waited for Turk to get ready. One noticeable difference from every other day was JD’s absence. Normally, he was just as much a part of Carla’smorning routine as anything else. Theyusually chatted over breakfast and then when Turk emerged from the bedroom, thetwo of them would make a joke or allude to something stupid they’d done in medschool. But since two nights ago, JD hadhardly come out of his bedroom. Twonights ago, he’d stopped acting like the JD Carla knew and loved. Two nights ago, Perry had broken up with him.

This didnot deter Carla from trying to cheer her Bambi up – or at least get him out ofbed. She’d decided to give him one moreday to wallow in self-pity before she really kicked his ass and forced him goback to work. After all, she wasn’theartless. She could appreciate how hardit would be for JD to go back to the hospital where he had for so long workedbeside Perry, and that he had to work through his raw emotions first. More than anything, more than the sadness itcaused her to see her friend so devastated, she was furious. And Carla when she was furious was a force tobe reckoned with.

Ratherthan laying into Perry the first moment she saw him, she’d chosen to observehim, her anger simmering just below the surface. Truthfully, she hadn’t seen much of himlately – they were both busy now that flu season had arrived. More patients to take care of meant less timefor socializing. Carla spent the firsthalf of her day simply watching Perry and was surprised to find that hisdemeanor seemed quite typical. He barkedat the interns, she heard him complaining about patients, and he bickered withKelso.

Carlaspotted Perry later that day sitting alone at one of the far tables in thecafeteria and squared her shoulders. Ifshe didn’t lay into him now, when would she get her next chance? She knew that JD had asked – practically begged– her not to talk to Perry, but the opportunity was just too clear. She walked purposefully toward Perry, butpaused for a moment, her lunch tray held in front of her. Now that she looked at Perry – really looked at him – it was obvious that hewas hurting, too. Carla did not feel asmuch compassion for him as she did JD, that was true, but Perry had been herfriend before all this. When JD had comehome in tears and told Carla – who had been the only one home at the time –that Perry had broken up with him, she hadn’t wanted to give up on the two ofthem. She’d been so sure they were madefor each other, but JD, through his tears, explained how Perry had said hecouldn’t do this anymore. He hadn’tgiven real concrete reasons either, not that JD had told Carla anyway, and shedidn’t feel like pressing JD for more information was appropriate at thetime. So on his behalf, shecold-shouldered Perry when she could, but seeing JD so broken, in so much pain,was hurting her, too. But now itappeared that JD wasn’t the only one hurting from the break-up.

“Thisseat taken?” she asked, standing expectantly across from Perry.

Hecringed at the sound of her voice and did not look up. “I’m betting you’ll sit there no matter whatI say,” he said dryly, pushing away his uneaten tray of food.

“I cameover here,” Carla said as she sat down, her tone impassive, “to tear you a newone, you know.”

“Get totearing, then,” Perry replied, stunning Carla with the lack of emotion in hisvoice. “Lord knows I deserve it and you’vealways been good at it.”

“But then,” Carla started as soon as Perrystopped talking, “I noticed that you were sitting here, all by your lonesome moping. I wouldn’t expect the person who did the breaking up to be so… sad.”

“Carla,honestly, I think I’d prefer you hating me to this psychoanalysis. So could you just leave me be or startshrieking because this I cannothandle.”

Carlasighed and crossed her arms as she leaned in toward Perry. “You look like hell,” she said flatly, notingthe bags under Perry’s eyes.

“If youmust know, my back has been acting up,” Perry snarled.

“And whyis that?” Carla asked, not believing Perry’s excuse.

Perry’sjaw tightened for a moment before he finally looked up at Carla. “Because I’ve slept on the couch for the lasttwo nights,” he said, his voice much quieter. “I can’t sleep in my bed. Doesn’tfeel right without him there.”

Carlablinked, digesting the response she hadn’t been expecting. “I… what now?” she finally asked, at a lossas to what else to say.

“I made ahuge mistake, Carla,” Perry groaned, finallyletting some emotion show in his expression. “I swore to myself that I’d never hurt him…”

Carlacomposed herself – seeing Perry like this was disconcerting. “Then why on earth did you end things with him?”

Perryshook his head, looking pained. “Carla,you and I both know he deserves so muchbetter than me. He – he deserves someonewho can give him everything, who’s more likehim. Someone who knows how good he is.”

“You’refull of shit,” Carla said flatly. “Ihave never heard something so ridiculous in all my life. You’re making all these excuses because you’retoo proud to admit that you’re scared. You’re scared of being vulnerable and ofgiving yourself to one person who you knowwould do anything for you. That level of devotion really freaks you out,doesn’t it? And I’m betting it’s becausethe idea that you can love someone and they can love you just as much and youcan be happy if you’d just try for once in your life is so foreignto you that you’d rather just run the opposite direction and start this wholecycle of hurt all over again.”

Perrylooked abashed, and he opened his mouth to speak, but Carla kept right ongoing, her rage finally having bubbled up to the surface.

“If youhonestly, truly care about JD – if you lovehim – you wouldn’t be here right now. You’d be kneeling by his bed and begging for forgiveness. Because you, me, and everyone else know thatyou’re meant for each other and that he loves you more than anything in thisworld. He hasn’t left his damn bed sinceit happened, Perry, and he can’t keep going like this. And if you’re still too proud and hard-headedto admit that you’re scared, then you’re going to be alone for the rest of yourlife.”

Withthat, Carla left the table, taking her tray with her without another word orglance in Perry’s direction. She knewcoddling Perry would never have made a difference and that he responded muchbetter when she gave his usual blunt rants right back to him. She could only hope that he took it to heart.

Perry didnot think as he left the hospital. Hehadn’t bothered to tell anyone he was leaving and he was sure he’d pay for thatdearly later, thanks in large part to Kelso, but for once, he could recognizethat the hospital couldn’t be his first choice anymore. He sped toward JD’s apartment, disobeyingseveral traffic laws in the process, and finally arrived ten minuteslater. The reality of what he was doing reallydidn’t sink in until he was standing face-to-face with the apartment door. Suddenly, the key to the apartment felt muchheavier in his pocket, though he was quite happy that he hadn’t returned italready. He took a deep breath andhesitated just another moment more before he unlocked the door and steppedinside.

Theapartment was quiet and JD’s bedroom door was shut. Perry could just make out the muffled soundsof JD’s shower running. At least he’dbeen able to rouse himself enough to take a shower. Perry sighed and opened the door to JD’sroom, deciding to wait for him on the bed. And then the sound of low, heart-wrenching sobs met his ears. It was clear that JD wasn’t doing as well ashe seemed and Perry felt a physical ache inhis chest at the sound. There was no wayhe could stand to listen to one second more of this.

“JD?” hecalled into the bathroom, trying to be loud enough for him to hear over thewater, but his voice was surprisingly weak. “JD, I – I want to talk.”

Immediately,the sobbing ceased and Perry heard the unmistakable sound of a bottle ofshampoo being dropped. “I’ll be out in aminute,” came JD’s broken voice, still thick with tears.

Perrysank down onto JD’s bed and put his head in his hands as he waited. How had he screwed things up so royally? And hadn’t he sworn again and again that nomatter what happened he’d never hurt JD? He’d promised him so many times and now here he was, crying his eyes outin the shower because of Perry. It onlyreaffirmed his belief that JD deserved so much better. He was jolted out of his thoughts when heheard JD turn the water off and he waited anxiously for him to dress and emergefrom the bathroom. When he finally did,there was no way he could have prepared himself for just how miserable JDlooked.

Standingbefore him was a very pale JD with bags under his red and puffy eyes, his damphair lying limp against his forehead. Hewas dressed in an old sweatshirt and sweatpants and he looked like death warmedover. He did not speak, instead waitingfor Perry to explain himself.

“JD,”Perry started, pausing when he found his breath catching in his throat. He closed his eyes and began again. “JD, sweetheart, I’m so sorry for what I’veput you through. If I could take it allback, I would.”

JD’s lipquivered, but he stood his ground. “Well,you can’t,” he said, his voice only shaking a little. “What’s done is done. You made it perfectly clear that you don’twant me.”

“It’s notthat I don’t want you,” Perry said, his tone pleading. “I never stopped wanting you, kiddo. I – I was scared. And Carla tearing me a new one today made merealize that.”

“Whatcould you possibly have to be scared of?” JD asked, trying his hardest to soundangry, but it only came out as devastated.

“Of justhow much I love you,” Perry said weakly. It was quite the sobering experience to actually say it out loud andjudging by JD’s expression, he could see that. “JD, I’m not here to make excuses for myself. I just want you to know that if I could havea second chance at this, I’d make sure you knew just how much I care aboutyou. Your happiness means everything tome and while I’m quite certain that there are plenty of people out there whocould make you happier than I ever could, I don’t know that I could live withmyself if I didn’t come here and try to make things right.”

JDsniffed, drawing in a deep, shaky breath, before walking over to the bed andsitting down beside Perry. “Why do youthink someone else could make me happier?” he asked in a small voice, staringdown at his lap. “All I’ve ever wantedis you and when I had you, I was…Perry, you made me happier than I ever could have imagined. And then, out of nowhere, you pushed me awaywith stupid excuses and you said things just to hurt me, to make sure I’dgo. And now you’re telling me it’sbecause you were scared?”

“I’venever felt like this in my entire life,” Perry said quietly, knowing that ifthere was any hope of JD forgiving him, he’d have to be more vulnerable than he’dever been. “I – I don’t know how tohandle it.”

“Youcould start by talking about it,” JD said, a bitter edge to his voice that hadnever been there before. “I tell youeverything, Perry. You’ve never done thesame for me.”

Perryswallowed hard against the lump in his throat. “I’d like to start now, if that’s all right.”

JD saidnothing, so Perry took it as permission to continue.

“Themorning before… everything,” he started uncertainly, “I woke up before youdid. And for a while, I just laid there,watching you sleep. It wasn’t the firsttime, but this time was… different somehow. You looked so peaceful, and just lying there looking at you, Newbie, Icould see everything. Our whole lives were there, right in front ofme. The big things, the smallthings. I could see moving in together,getting married, having a kid or two… I could also see the long days at workand coming home to you and having a frozen pizza for dinner and the stupidarguments we’d have. What scared me mostabout all that was how badly I wanted it. The domesticity, the idea of being so transparent with another person…it freaked me out, JD. And my firstinstinct was to run away and the only way I could think to do that was to hurtyou so badly that you’d willingly go. Itwas cruel and selfish and so very wrong of me to put you through that. Which is why I’ll understand if you want togo our separate ways, but I wouldn’t be able to give up without at leasttrying.”

“All Iever wanted was for you to be like this,” JD said, his voice wavering onceagain. “To be completely honest withme. I always sensed there was something you were holding back, I justdidn’t know what it was. I want allthose things with you, too, Perry. Don’tyou think that scares me just as much? But even through all that fear and uncertainty, I know that it’s right. I don’tcare if there are twenty thousand other people scattered across the globe thatare ‘better suited’ for me than you. Idon’t want anyone else. And I neverwill.”

Perryreleased a long breath and slowly held out his hand for JD to take, but only ifhe chose to. “You’ve always been sopatient with me, sweetheart, and for that, I can’t thank you enough. And if there’s any way for me to repay thatto you, I’ll try for the rest of my life.”

JDhesitated for a moment, but then took Perry’s hand, lacing their fingerstogether. “Just promise me that when youget scared,” he murmured, looking up at Perry with tear-filled eyes, “you’lltell me. If there’s anything I’velearned from this, it’s that we’re stronger together. You keep me in check when I’m doing somethingdumb or crazy and I can help you when you’re worried about something.”

“Ipromise,” Perry vowed, squeezing JD’s hand. “I love you, kid. Yourforgiveness means everything.”

“I loveyou, too,” JD whispered, closing his eyes even as his tears finally slippedfree. He ducked his head andimmediately, Perry pulled him closer, into his arms.

Perrypressed a kiss to JD’s hair, which was still damp, and rocked him slowly. He didn’t bother telling him he was okay orthat things would be all right, because he couldn’t be certain that either ofthem were true. All he could promise wasthat he would try his hardest to see that JD would soon be happy again. And for now, that was enough.

#jdox #scrubs #Anonymous #answered

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adelmortescryche · 7 years ago

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Fic Writers Week - Day One

Almost missed out on participating in time, because I’ve been sick and out of touch with the actual date. But! I noticed that it was the 11/26 in time, and here I am, @ficwritersweek. (you’ve probably already heard it a whole lot, but. this is such a lovely idea.)

Day 1: Words of Validation

There’s always those comments that stick, the ones that help you push through a story or personal favorites that you just have to reread from time to time. Writers, this is the day to share some of those!

Since it’s day one and I’m a writer/creator alongside being a reader, I just wanted to give a shout out to all the wonderful people who choose to read and comment on my stuff! I wish I could just name everyone who’s commented or left a kudos on my fics, but that probably isn’t too feasible in terms of post length, eh. *wry grin*

I used to be better at responding to people immediately, but health reasons, both mental and physical, have made it harder for me to reply as quickly or as often as I used to. But the comments I’ve received have not only given me something to look forward to, but they also fill me with joy and delight, almost leaving me feeling euphoric, because they let me know that I’ve made other people happy. And have given them something to be excited about.

I’m hesitant to add actual screenshots or too many long-running excerpts from people’s comments, since I know not everyone is comfortable with what they say being aired in a relatively public setting like this, but let’s see how to show some appreciation anyway. I’ve given excerpts where I can, too.

Here’s a couple commenters and comments that stuck with me, over time. I don’t actually know if all of you are on tumblr, but if you (or anyone else who recognizes you) are here and happen to see this, hit me up so I can tag you properly? *winces* Sorry for how long this got, guys, I found it really difficult to control myself!

MidnightCharm18188, whose comment on He Says She Says made me almost ridiculously happy. The fic was written when I was a lot younger and a lot more confused about my own orientation, etc., so having someone show up and tell me it felt like a relatable and realistic description of asexuality made me very relieved. And made it easier to consider writing other asexual takes on characters, like Tsuna in Cloud!Tsuna, well after this fic was posted.

@typervoxilations (here’s hoping this is actually your tumblr, since I’ve only interacted with you on ao3) - she’s shown up on a bunch of my KHR fics and dear god, comments like hers make me happy to be a writer. Long, ramble-y, filled with lots of thoughts about the canon and how it relates to the fic, and seemingly ready to throw ideas back and forth any time. *grins* Bless you for whatever you’ve said to me till date, friend, even if we don’t talk as much as we used to!

@msleilei for what they said on my fic On Courting, and actually leaving a review on both ffnet and ao3. Angsty X27 really is rare these days, isn’t it. Or it used to be, at least. There were so many oddly fluffy X27 fics coming out around the time I posted this fic, so your comment made me laugh out loud. *grins*

Like...dude. I'm just sitting here, browsing through the list and I saw an angsty X27 and I'm like, that's rare nowadays so I'm curious and holy mother of god I didn't even stay for the X27, I'm mostly impressed with how you told their story and how you built the world... it's fucking amazing I mean seriously. Ugh. I can't even express myself properly

Hope for what they said on my fic On Courting, because it managed to capture so many thoughts I had in my head while writing the fic.

Therefore this story is in all honesty the very antipodal of what I loved about the series. It's raw in the most honest and inconceivable way whether it be about the workings of the mafia or in the portrayal of the emotional and mental damage experienced by the individuals all originating from the strain of the mafia. The story is intricate with layer upon layer in ways the manga never was, the characters are no more two dimensional than me or you, they exude complexity, unprecedented. So when I read it for the first time months ago, it left me utterly taken aback. It was everything I hadn't sought out in the manga, but I loved every single damn thing about this story.

Friend, even if you never see this post, you made me happy to have posted that fic. Since it’s the first purely KHR fic I ever wrote.

Tripucchi, whose comments make me scream when they show up. Every damn time, seriously.

Witch of Perception, who’s left comments on even my weirder fics. Thank you for everything you’ve said, I grin rather happily whenever I see a comment from you pop up. Especially this one from Expectations, though, because it was one of those fics that I really hesitated to post. For obvious reasons, I think. And this comment made me happy to have bitten the bullet and posted it.

To be quite honest, I mostly read this because you wrote it. It wasn't something I'd have clicked on without some other incentive (in this case, it's that I know for a fact that I've loved everything I've read of yours, so I was practically guaranteed good writing), for all that I really like the idea of this OT3-- but man am I glad that I did.

I adored this Byakuran's characterization, and her relationship with this Tsuna. I love that sharp edge that you gave to this Tsuna, too, and the in-between conversations the two had, and what worldbuilding they gave. The Guardians' bickering and bantering was fun; I loved this Kikyou... and this Gokudera and Yamamoto. Basically everyone and everything. So, all in all I'm very glad you posted this. I feel like there isn't nearly enough of this pairing, and certainly not enough of this OT3. Thank you for the story, and I look forward to the other one.

asoftheart, who left me with this gem in Amber Heart, the first part of my Cloud!Tsuna series.

Okay so I finally got around to reading this and god was it perfect! The more of your KHR pieces I read the more delighted I become. I feel like I'm discovering Lys Ap Adin and Branch's works all over again!

Do I need any more reasons to want to squeak with joy about it? Do I? No, I don’t think I do. And yet the rest of your comment made me squeal loudly anyway.

Temper Tantrum and narue naru chan, for leaving comments on all my KHR fics, one after another, in what seemed like a single sitting. I was watching my inbox with wide eyes and a lot of glee, guys, thank you for blowing it up.

StarryNightSkyinaBottle, for their comment on It Takes Two.

This story absolutely enraptured me, I was giddy the whole way through. The flow dragged me along for the ride and the feeling of dread and of loneliness broke my heart. When it was revealed that it was HDW!Tsuna taking over the whole time, I wanted to shout to the rooftops (but i shan't, bc it's 6:47am and I don't want to wake anyone up). I had a bit of an inkling when "Self sabotage. It had to be." popped up, that part also broke my heart, but it definitely opened the doorway to figuring out the whole story and I love you for that.

I haven’t had the chance to respond to you on ao3 yet, but here I am saying that your comment captures so much of what I was trying to put across in the fic. Thank you.

aHostileRainbow, for their comment on Age as Fireflies at Dusk, because it made me cackle rather maniacally. With a whole lot of empathy, too, because THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I REACTED TO OTHER WRITERS I KNOW GETTING INTO THE YOI FANDOM DAMNIT.

What the fuck am I doing here I am not in this fandom at all but you wrote an amazing SAO crossover and now I'm hooked and I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR ANOTHER FANDOM YOU TERRIBLY TALENTED PERSON. This is unfairly lovely.

bonehandledknife(lady winter)’s comment on c.02 of A Heart of Blades, which was a transcript of a real time chat they had with a friend while reading this chapter. I can’t even begin to describe how excited I was while reading this comment, seriously. I think I self-combusted with delight. And it’s sadly not in a format conducive to excerpts, and is probably too long to screenshot to share here. Friend, I suspect I might have scared you off with my exuberance, but know that the comments you left on this fic made me very happy.

hundredpercentwool’s comment on c.02 of A Heart of Blades.

...This image signals what the dynamics of their relationship will be like in the this AU, with Victor being Victor, but Yurri being more of a pillar of strength that Victor can lean on. I do think that they can or will be alternatively leaning on each other for their various weaknesses and personal demons. In Canon, Yuuri leaned on Victor more than the other way around and it was Victor descending to Yuuri from the heavens like some divine being to be his coach. But in this AU, it was more like Yuuri appearing to Victor in his numb despair, like a Muse appearing to an artist, and Victor really throwing himself after Yuuri because Yuuri seems to have some kind of secret strength about him that amazes Victor.

This is just an excerpt, but this comment helped me cotton onto something that I hadn’t actually noticed while writing the fic myself! Talk about comments that are inspirational and food for thought, whoof. Thank you so much, Elaine.

@onceabluemoonwrites, whose comments leave me with an unhealthily red face and a heart full of joy. How in the world am I supposed to give any excerpts of your comments, friend, you build them so well with fic-excerpts and gifs and reactions and- aaaah.

@voxofthevoid, for their comment on With War Drums Blazing. We didn’t actually know each other too well when you left this comment, D, so in retrospect I know exactly why you reacted this way to it. But I’d just been happy to get a comment that captured what I loved about the idea, back then. *grins*

I adore the altered dynamic here and am glad to hear it's high on your list on probable long fics. Yuuri as Death is a wonderful concept and his softer and sharper sides are wonderful representations.

Viktor, with that weird blend of efficiency and remorse, makes a fascinating character and it's amazing how much you've packed into these few thousand words.

And, obviously, @insanescriptist, who’s probably the singular cause of the majority of my weirder KHR fic ideas. Including the ones that I haven’t actually managed to finish writing and posting yet. I hope I’ve made obvious just how much fun I have throwing ideas back and forth with you, friend. SO much fun. I can’t even mention individual comments - I love them all. And they feel like a conversation, anyway, so it’s probably redundant to mention individual comments...

Again, thank you everyone who’s left me comments on my fics! Even if I haven’t mentioned you by name here, I read every comment I get. And they all make me squeal and flail in happiness. And make me run about telling everyone who’ll listen about the lovely words I’ve received. I mean, look at all you lovely people, taking the time to talk about why you like what you’ve read. You’re all so-

For all that my responses have slowed down because of ill health, as mentioned above, I hope to get back to all of you! Tumblr seems to be making me a bit more active and interactive, at the least, so there’s that. *awkward grin*

#ficwritersweek #day one #katekyo hitman reborn #yuri!!! on ice #khr #yoi #comments #i appreciate each and every one of you guys #you're so kind to me #even if ive gotten terrible about responding #i will respond #i will #reader appreciation #harry potter #hp #tagging that even if there's only one fic mentioned from that fandom #stop with the self flagellation adel #this is supposed to be a happy post

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hongbab · 7 years ago

Text

The Songbird - Wonshik snorts, half a smile quirking the left corner of his mouth upwards, but a beat later it dies down and he looks up with sadness in his eyes. “Please, don’t hurt Jaehwan,” he says quietly. “He’s not the one at fault.” (Leo/Ken, pg-13, 5622)

a/n: written for this prompt. this is probably not what you had in mind, anon, but i hope you’ll still like it;;

It’s 2.36am and Taekwoon is still sitting in front of his computer with his elbows on his desk, his fingers buried under his hair as he holds his forehead in his palms.

Everyone else from the department has already gone home and he should have done so as well, but instead, he keeps staring at the blaring monitor with the browser open at the intranet home page. He doesn’t know how to start this. Or, more like, he can’t start it without having to crawl out of his skin.

When Hakyeon called him into his office, Taekwoon thought he might want to praise him for single-handedly catching the head of that lowly gang of drug smugglers, maybe even tell him to take a few days off as a reward. And Hakyeon praised him, told him he was his best man, and his eyes were sparkling, a happy but nervous smile plastered on his face. However, he didn’t give Taekwoon any rewards, but—and he looked troubled when he did this—gave him a new case that most detectives had failed to solve thus far.

“You are our only hope,” Hakyeon said, sliding a file towards Taekwoon on the desk. “He’s a fucking phantom and everyone’s so lost.”

So, for the last three hours, Taekwoon has been sitting behind his computer with the file open in front of him, pictures and screenshots and handwritten notes and printed pages all scattered around, the name ‘Songbird’ repeated on every single piece of paper. This is torture and he’s already cringing so hard.

He has solved so many cases during his career: from criminal possession of weapons through mysterious deaths to some mafia-level shit, and now he’s been assigned this. He hates it more than anything before.

Maybe he’ll just start tonight, proceed until the point his colleagues have been unable to move on from, and say he can’t do it.

The Songbird’s website is entitled—surprise, surprise—‘Songbird’ and it’s pretty much just a blank index page with a high-resolution picture of some kind of bird* with the weirdest reddish-yellowish-orange feathers—the ends of which look like locks of red hair—and yellow and green head that Taekwoon has ever seen (he hasn’t seen a great many kinds of birds in his life). He clicks the image and a welcoming page pops up, asking him to either sign up or sign in.

This is it. This is where he should stop.

Taekwoon lets out a sigh and clicks the sign up button which directs him to a page that asks for his e-mail address, name, gender, the date of his birth, and the details of his credit card. How can this person be so fucking obvious.

He digs out the expired credit card Hakyeon handed him with the documents from under the pile of papers and types up the numbers, filling in the form entirely with fake personal data. He clicks the confirmation link in the e-mail he receives in his—again—fake inbox, and on the new page that pops up the title reads, ‘Welcome to Paradise’, a text box appearing underneath and asking him to write a letter to the owner of the site about how he found them, what he wants from them, and what he wishes to do to them.

Taekwoon lets his head fall on the desk and the pain in his forehead grounds him enough not to start screaming in frustration.

When the mobile phone next to his hand pings with a new text, Taekwoon almost falls off his chair in surprise.

It’s been four days since he signed up to the Songbird’s website and two days since the Songbird sent him a message in which he thanked Taekwoon for signing up and asked for his Kakao ID so they could chat there. The message was full of unnecessary emojis and tildes, and ended with an “xoxo, your Songbird”, forcing Taekwoon to stifle a hysterical laugh.

He gulps down some of his now cold latte to calm himself and takes the cheap, bad quality smartphone—a tool he was given to execute the investigation—into his hand, swiping up with a clammy finger to unlock the screen.

~Songbird~ hi Leo~~

He squints at the cheesy alias he’s chosen to use (if this person is a Songbird, Taekwoon might as well be something big and scary that would eat a fucking bird for dessert), and looks around in the office to see if someone is looking. Sanghyuk, on his right, is immersed in a video of weird game characters instead of actually working, so he takes a deep breath and replies.

Leo hi

~Songbird~ is something wrong? :^(

Leo no, why do you think something’s wrong?

~Songbird~ just the simple hi :/ i hope my message didn’t upset you, i was actually so surprised by your emotional letter~ hehe

Leo oh I was just… ugh I might have got a little carried away with that letter

~Songbird~ it’s okay it was really cute :3 i really liked the part where you wrote you’d like to take me out for a nice dinner and kiss me goodnight afterwards^^ you seem so sweet ♥

Leo thank you

~Songbird~ are you by any chance replying to me in such short sentences bc you’re shy? haha

Taekwoon puts the phone on the desk and drags his hands over his face, hating how his stomach is in knots from this whole thing. He’s never been a good communicator, neither has he been good at texting people in a smooth way, especially not if he was supposed to sound flirty. Maybe this is the point where he should hand the phone over to Sanghyuk to dig into the Songbird's ID specifications, or maybe he should just drop the phone into the toilet, possibly attempt to drown himself in the sink afterwards, but he sniffles instead and drinks the rest of his awful latte before taking the phone into his hands again.

Leo I’m not very good at texting people talking to you like this makes me a little flustered

~Songbird~ OMG so cute!! u don’t need to be flustered sweetheart you’re doing great! :) would it be better if i sent u a kiss?

Taekwoon all but chokes on his own saliva and Sanghyuk glances at him from the corner of his eye, ignoring him anew and going back to his video when Taekwoon stops coughing. His fingers are trembling on the screen when he types up his answer.

Leo I giess *guess

More than a minute passes without a new text and Taekwoon feels all the blood leaving his body to creep up into his cheeks, making him blush furiously. He shakes his legs nervously under the desk and his heart is going crazy and he’s just so fucking angry with himself for being such an anxious piece of shit—he might even be a little excited and it just makes him all the more annoyed.

~Songbird~ sent a video

The small clip shows a pair of pretty, plush and very pink lips that are pursed and they get as close to the camera as possible, a very loud smacking sound coming from the speakers of the phone. Taekwoon mutes the damn thing as fast as his jittery fingers let him, and when he looks back down at the screen, he sees the lips parting, revealing snow white teeth as the Songbird smiles sweetly.

And Taekwoon is mesmerized.

He replays the video three times, trying to imagine how the Songbird looks like, but he’s lost and all he can think of is that genuine smile and the little air kiss.

His legs stop shaking.

~Songbird~ better now?^^

Leo it was cute

~Songbird~ honestly you’re so adorable~~ I hope you’d still wanna kiss me after that dinner date

Leo yeah, I would your lips are pretty

~Songbird~ aww thanks i gtg now but i’ll get back to you soon sweet dreams honey ♥

Leo good night

Another night ends with Taekwoon headbutting his desk.

“Here.”

Taekwoon turns away from the document he’s typing up and glances at the mobile device on his desk, Sanghyuk letting go of it as he plops down in his chair. There’s a devilish smirk on his face that Taekwoon knows means something awful, his eyes already narrowing before Sanghyuk would say anything more.

“Have you found him?”

“I found an IP address, but that doesn’t mean much,” Sanghyuk says, leaning back in his chair. “But first—”

“I said no questions,” Taekwoon grumbles. “You’ve read the whole thing, haven’t you?”

“Read it, watched the video and all,” Sanghyuk replies and his smirk turns into a full grin. “You have such a way with words.”

“Shut up,” Taekwoon scoffs. “I need to get him to trust me. And I told you not to read it.”

“Yeah, well, that’s why I read it. He must have some very low standards if he thinks you’re cute, but anyways, what we now know is that the device he uses belongs to a certain Mr Kim Wonshik.”

“Which means that his real name is Kim Wonshik, right?”

“Maybe,” Sanghyuk shrugs. “He might have stolen it or something. But if I were you—and thankfully, I’m not—” Taekwoon sends him a death glare here, “I’d start off by digging up some info about this Wonshik guy and ask him if he knows anything about your little birdie. Or, if he is your little birdie.”

“He’s not my— oh, fuck off.”

Sanghyuk sniggers and turns back to his computer.

~Songbird~ sent a photo

Taekwoon snatches the phone away from the edge of his desk before Sanghyuk could touch it first, standing up to walk away so he wouldn’t have to deal with the nerdy brat’s examining stare as he opens the photo.

His breath catches in his throat when the picture finally loads and Taekwoon's back hits the wall of the empty corridor as he sways a little. It’s an almost full-body photograph and the person in it is wearing a black, silk-like bathrobe, the thin, shiny material sticking to a frail-looking body, the light enhancing every curve and edge underneath. The hem of the robe bunches just under the boy’s hip bones, leaving a pair of smooth, pale thighs visible, a large part of the Songbird’s chest also uncovered. He’s apparently lying on a bed, and Taekwoon notices a never before seen part of his face: a prominent nose above the plump lips which he has already seen at least twenty times in the video.

The Songbird is pouting.

~Songbird~ it’s such a lazy morning what are you doing sweetie?

Leo working

~Songbird~ oh you poor thing :( and what do you do?

Taekwoon takes a deep breath and writes down what comes to his mind first.

Leo I’m a lawyer

~Songbird~ !!! sounds exciting tbh i wish you were here now

Taekwoon slides down against the wall and crouches, his knees too weak to keep him upright any longer. He swallows around a lump in his throat.

Leo why?

~Songbird~ i’m bored and lonely :(

Leo do you think I’d be entertaining enough to make you feel less bored?

After some thinking, he adds a spiritless

haha

~Songbird~ well i have a few ideas about how we could pass time~~ not sure if i should tell you abt them at this point you still seem a little nervous :D

Leo I’m a little nervous but I mean you can tell me if you want

~Songbird~ first you could play with my hair bc i really like that^^ and then maybe we could kiss some hehe and if u feel up to it we could get rid of my bathrobe andddd i’ll let u know abt the rest if we can meet up sometime ♥

Taekwoon feels his limbs going numb, but despite the feeling, he springs up from the floor and locks the phone, putting it into his pocket as he starts striding towards the bathroom. He opens the tap and tries to stand as far away from the counter as possible so his crotch won’t brush against it, making everything happening down there a lot worse, and splashes icy water into his face, tapping it into his cheeks to calm himself. When he looks up into the mirror with some water drops running down his skin, he sees dark shadows under his eyes, his skin looks almost grey and there’s a flush across his cheeks, and he has a few more crow’s feet now than the last time he looked at himself for real.

He really needs to take a few days off and preferably get laid on those days, too, because withdrawing from any kind of intimacy with others has been taking a toll on him and now he’s hard just thinking about a naked stranger whose face he hasn’t even seen yet. How sick is he…

He also needs to see the Songbird behind bars as soon as possible.

When he storms back to his desk, Sanghyuk blinks up at him curiously, leaning into his personal space to peer at his monitor screen.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m going to find Kim Wonshik.”

“And why are you so upset about this plan of yours?” Sanghyuk arches an eyebrow. “Did something happen?”

“Don’t talk to me now,” Taekwoon snarls.

“Rude.”

Taekwoon can’t exactly say he’s prepared for meeting the Songbird just now, but he stands in front of a door with a hand raised to it and ready to knock. He doesn’t really know what he’s going to do if the Songbird is the one who opens the door for him, and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if it’s someone else.

So many years of being a detective and now he’s nervous about meeting a civilian.

He knocks on the door and waits, the knob turning after a few moments.

“Um, hi,” the guy standing in the doorway says, looking confused.

He is not the Songbird and Taekwoon is a hundred percent sure about it; he’s looked at the Songbird’s almost full-body selfie enough times to memorise his apparent proportions, his skin tone, the fragility etched into all of his visible body parts. The person in front of him is tall and lean-bodied and has a tattoo peeking from the collar of his tank top and Taekwoon almost heaves a sigh when he notices it.

“Detective Jung Taekwoon,” he announces, holding up his badge. “I’d like to have a few words with you.”

The guy goes pale, but steps aside and lets Taekwoon into his small studio flat, shuffling to the couch to fetch his slippers.

“Are you Kim Wonshik?” Taekwoon asks, looking around the place so he doesn’t have to look the guy in the eye, still feeling wrong-footed from the whole thing just because the Songbird is involved.

“Yeah,” the man says and Taekwoon closes his eyes for a moment in relief. “What’s going on?”

“Do you know the Songbird?” Taekwoon inquires then, pocketing his hands so he won’t fidget so obviously.

“Song— what,” Wonshik looks even more confused, standing in the middle of his flat in a pair of basketball shorts and a white tank top. He scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “Do you mean Jaehwan?”

“Jaehwan?” Taekwoon arches an eyebrow, his head snapping to Wonshik curiously.

“Ah, you don’t— oh,” Wonshik deflates and if possible, even more blood leaves his cheeks. “I— you might not be talking about him.”

“Has a website through which he recruits people he can trick for money by selling his body?” Taekwoon asks with a little bit of acid to it, and the blood returns to Wonshik's cheeks at that, turning it red.

“Listen, he’s not—”

“Do you know anything about his current whereabouts?”

“I don’t,” Wonshik says firmly and it’s true; Taekwoon sees the sincerity in his eyes and maybe some… sadness, too. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell anybody.”

“Yes, well,” Taekwoon snorts, “that would earn you a few years in jail and not in the same cell with him. Just saying. Anyways, he’s got a phone number that is supposed to be yours. Did you possibly give him a device to use?”

Wonshik opens his mouth and then promptly closes it. He makes a face as he asks, “Okay, can I get a lawyer at this point?”

“You could,” Taekwoon replies a little impatiently. “But I don’t think you want to go into the process just yet; you’ll have enough time for that later. So?”

“Do you want me to tell you how I’m connected to him?” Wonshik squints. “Like, everything?”

“By all means, yes.”

“Alright, well—” Wonshik's bottom hovers above a chair and he motions towards the one closer to Taekwoon, although a little hesitatingly. “Sit down, if you want.”

“Thank you.”

Taekwoon pulls out the chair and sits, lacing his fingers on the table top.

“So,” Wonshik clears his throat, “I’d actually heard about Jaehwan's site from a friend and—”

“Who is that friend?”

Wonshik furrows his brow in judgement, his facial expression turning dark. Taekwoon doesn’t budge, but he can feel how much he’s annoying Wonshik.

“His name is Hongbin, Lee Hongbin,” Wonshik replies with a small sigh. “I’m not sure how he knows Jaehwan but I think he said something about some high school they attended together? So, I was, like, really under the weather and I’d been like that for a while at that point and Hongbin suggested I try meeting with Jaehwan.” He pauses, shutting his eyes for a second. “Jaehwan and I, we talked a lot through e-mails, it was a bit like online friendship at first, but then I… I don’t know, I kind of started to feel something for him. We met up after a while and talked a lot and started meeting each other from time to time.” He glances up at Taekwoon, his face flushed again. “I just really liked Jaehwan and um, well, he said he didn’t like me like that, but he still wanted to be friends with me, though it was difficult because of his… circumstances. I gave him my old phone because he once mentioned how much more comfortable it would be to talk to people by using a smartphone instead of e-mailing each other.”

“Are you saying he’s been operating a website which actually brings him a lot of money, but there was a time when he didn’t have a phone?” Taekwoon asks, disbelieving.

“The website is not his and he said he can’t have a phone because it’s dangerous,” Wonshik says, now obviously concerned that he’s saying too much. He averts his eyes. “The whole thing is totally different from how you see it.”

“Care to share how it’s different?”

Wonshik leans back in his chair, his face haggard like he has aged 20 years during their conversation. He looks broken and now it’s Taekwoon who feels confused.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Wonshik mumbles. “It’s— it’s just not my business to talk about, you know? I’ve never really been involved in the story apart from being Jaehwan's… friend, or whatever.”

“Are you currently in contact with Jaehwan?”

“No,” Wonshik shakes his head. “He’s not allowed to contact me.”

“What do you mean ‘not allowed’?”

Wonshik makes a wailing noise.

“Can we please stop now?”

“Alright,” Taekwoon takes a deep breath and stands up. “Thank you for your contribution, though; you’ve been a great help. Here’s my contact if you happen to remember something you wouldn’t like to keep to yourself.”

Wonshik slowly reaches out for the business card Taekwoon is offering him, turning it around between his fingers, looking at it, but probably not actually seeing it.

“Are you a real cop?” he asks, blinking up at Taekwoon.

“I am,” Taekwoon nods. “I have a gun and all.”

Wonshik snorts, half a smile quirking the left corner of his mouth upwards, but a beat later it dies down and he looks up with sadness in his eyes.

“Please, don’t hurt Jaehwan,” he says quietly. “He’s not the one at fault.”

Leo hey

~Songbird~ oh hello~ what’s up?

Leo I’ve been thinking and I wanted to ask you if we could meet

~Songbird~ finally haha ofc we can sweetie when would u like to meet?

Leo maybe tonight? if possible?

~Songbird~ sure^^ can u come to the hotel i’m staying at?

No one can really accuse Taekwoon of not trying his best as he parks his car in front of the four-star hotel and turns the rear-view mirror towards himself, examining his own face. He looks like he normally does, really; poker face and a cutting glance, his mouth a tight line. He did spend a little more time combing his hair than he usually does and he also took a shower because he felt like he needed it, and it’s not like he’s dressed fancy in just a T-shirt and a pair of jeans with his favourite sneakers, though the extra sprinkle of cologne might have been too much. He runs a hand over his face, trying to make his stupid heart understand that this is work, this is not a date and if everything goes well, he’ll leave this place with Jaehwan sitting in the back with a pair of handcuffs around his wrists, and then he’ll have some paperwork to do at the station. He’ll be in bed by midnight, content and happy and tomorrow Hakyeon will tell him he’s getting a bonus for doing an excellent job on this case.

It’s going to be okay. This is going to work out.

Taekwoon tries very hard to keep his composure as he tells the receptionist he’s there to visit the guest in room 524 and gets the assent, his legs feeling heavy as they carry him into the lift.

Jaehwan sent him a picture earlier, of himself, clad in only an oversized white T-shirt and what must have been the hem of his briefs peeking, pale thighs and pink knees and muscular calves all on display. He asked Taekwoon if he thought that shirt was okay for tonight and Taekwoon remembers the mirror selfie now as he throws his head back against the unforgiving metal wall, closing his eyes.

It’s going to have to be okay.

The door to room 524 opens after his second knock and Taekwoon freezes up immediately.

It’s Jaehwan standing in the doorway; he can tell not only from the T-shirt he’s already seen in the selfie but also from the broad shoulders and small waist, from the shapely legs covered by the black fabric of a pair of trousers. And Jaehwan's face is beautiful; his eyes two sparkling, almond shaped gemstones above the perfect curve of his nose, his lips plump and red even like this, when he’s not pouting. His hair is a honey brown colour and looks silky with his fringe pushed back from his forehead but a tiny lock is hanging there still, like it didn’t want to be restrained by hair spray. Taekwoon feels his jaw drop slightly.

"Hi," Jaehwan says in the most pleasant voice Taekwoon has ever heard, a wide, somewhat crooked smile spreading on his lips and the slightest of dimples appearing on the two sides of his cheeks. "Come in."

Taekwoon blinks a few to clear his head, though he doesn't succeed. He steps into the hotel room that looks quite cool considering it's only a four-star hotel, the furniture simple and the bedsheets crisp and white. He doesn't know how to proceed.

Jaehwan closes the door and pads to him with his naked feet, standing in front of him with a gentle smile on his face. Taekwoon feels a blush spreading over the bridge of his nose.

"I—" he starts without a clear plan about what he really wants to say. "I— I'm—"

"Ssh," Jaehwan whispers and then laughs, cupping Taekwoon's cheeks in his hands. "It's going to be alright. You're here now."

Taekwoon's heart skips a beat and returns to its job at full speed as Jaehwan pulls him in and presses his lips against his own, kissing him slowly, sweetly. It only registers in the back of Taekwoon's mind that he shouldn't go into it, the end of his train of thought just slipping out of his grasp, leaving him helpless and defenceless in the face of Jaehwan's citrusy perfume and the softness of his lips, the warmth of his mouth, and his bony fingers in Taekwoon's hair.

Jaehwan's waist is small but just the right size in Taekwoon's hold and he feels himself melt against the boy, Jaehwan swallowing a quiet mewl when it escapes his throat.

He doesn't want to stop this.

Jaehwan pulls away after too little time, a hand resting on the side of Taekwoon's neck, his thumb touching his pulse point. He looks like a peach blossom, Taekwoon thinks, his lips even redder and his cheeks tinted with a somewhat dark shade of pink, eyes fluttering as he looks at Taekwoon.

"You're different from how I imagined," Jaehwan says, tilting his head to the side. "A lot more handsome."

Taekwoon blinks a few in embarrassment, suddenly too aware of the hands on him, of his hands on Jaehwan. He pulls back entirely.

"Uh, can we talk?" he asks.

You know, I'm actually here to arrest you—honestly, what the fuck is he doing.

"Talk?" Jaehwan asks and glances away into a corner. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Jaehwan, I—"

Jaehwan stills entirely, pricking up his pointy ears, the dismay clearly visible on his face as he starts breathing faster, his lips parting.

“Let’s go to the bar,” he says urgently, and a moment later he’s grabbing Taekwoon's wrist, tugging him out of the room and almost running through the corridor.

They stop in a corner just by the fire exit and Jaehwan—as small as he looks—pushes at Taekwoon's shoulders, making him fall against the wall with a yelp.

“I thought we were going to the bar?” Taekwoon mumbles.

“No,” Jaehwan replies, furrowing his brow. “We just had to get out of there. Who are you? How do you know my name?”

“Wonshik,” Taekwoon says. Jaehwan's pretty eyes narrow and he seems to puff up a little. “And I’ll tell you who I am if you tell me why we had to get out of the room.”

“It’s bugged so he’ll know if you want to hurt me,” Jaehwan jabbers and that doesn’t serve with too much information. “You’re a cop, aren’t you?”

It feels like someone has just poured a bucket of ice water over his head and Taekwoon feels himself tense up. Jaehwan doesn’t seem to be particularly surprised anymore, nor does he look scared with his hands keeping Taekwoon's shoulders pinned to the wall; all he looks is angry and disappointed and hurt. And for some reason, Taekwoon feels ashamed.

“Listen,” Taekwoon starts, “what you’re doing is illegal and—”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jaehwan rolls his eyes. “You were playing so well, I wouldn’t have thought— fucking Wonshik.”

“Okay, so, um,” Taekwoon straightens and forces Jaehwan's hands off his shoulders and instead, takes his wrists in his grasp. “I think it’ll be best if I take you to the station now.”

“No!” Jaehwan cries out, apparently shocked by his own volume. He shakes Taekwoon's hands off his wrists. “Don’t you understand? I’m not the one you should be after.”

“Yeah, well, you’ve tricked twenty-three people for money in the last few months; I’m pretty sure you’re the one I should be after,” Taekwoon replies, now getting angry.

“Has Wonshik told you about Hongbin?” Jaehwan asks, his eyes strangely wide like he’s afraid of the name.

“He said he’d heard of you from him.” Taekwoon knits his eyebrows. “Does he have anything to do with this whole thing?”

“Does he— oh my God,” Jaehwan goes pale and as he falls silent, Taekwoon can hear the vibration of his phone in the pocket of his trousers. Jaehwan fishes it out, closing his eyes for a second and taking a deep breath as he looks at the screen, swiping to take the call. “Hey. No, it’s nothing. We just needed something to make the atmosphere less tense,” Jaehwan chuckles and he’s putting up a perfect act until his eyes wander up to Taekwoon's face and he bites his lower lip. “You want to come here? Ah, but we haven’t— I’m not… I’m not in danger, Hongbin,” his voice goes low and he almost whispers, “I don’t think you should come here.”

Taekwoon feels his hands ball up into fists, the confusion irking him more than anything. He wants Jaehwan to stop talking on the phone and explain everything, to untangle this mess in his head, and also—he slaps himself mentally at this—maybe to kiss some more. Fuck everything.

“Okay,” Jaehwan says dejectedly. “I love you, too.”

That’s a nice little figurative kick in the gut.

Jaehwan ends the call and lowers his head, and he looks so tiny as he keeps staring at the floor.

“He’s coming here,” Jaehwan sighs and looks up at Taekwoon with tears shining in his eyes. “This is all your fault and I… I don’t want to betray him, but I’m so tired.”

“Do you… that is… do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“I don’t really have a choice, now do I?” Jaehwan laughs hollowly and then he plops down on the floor. Taekwoon follows him down there and sits, watching as Jaehwan plays with a loose thread of his sock. “You’ll probably think I’m crazy and that this is unreal, but… so, the thing is that Hongbin had come up with this idea about half a year ago, I think? That we could make money with… well, me, because he said that a lot of men think I’m pretty?” He pauses.

“You’re really pretty,” Taekwoon says before he could think twice and then averts his eyes, a blush creeping up on his neck. Jaehwan snorts.

“I hate that you’re still so sweet when I’m making a confession that’s probably going to get me in jail,” he says. “But anyways, the point is that we’d set up that site and he’s not doing it… in such an immoral way? He only takes the money of those I agree to meet up with and as soon as he gets the confirmation from me that the guy has shown up, we charge their card. Your money has probably already been taken, actually.”

“I used an expired card,” Taekwoon mumbles.

Jaehwan laughs and this time it’s a happy one. He glances up at Taekwoon and says, “You’re not playing fair either.”

“Yeah, but I have legal permission for that,” Taekwoon replies and that makes Jaehwan chuckle again, the sound of it making a bunch of crazy butterflies swarm in Taekwoon’s stomach. “Are you, by any chance, you know… together? You said you loved him, too.”

That apparently saddens Jaehwan and his shoulders sag, his fingers trembling in the air and he stops playing with the thread.

“He really watches out for me and keeps me safe. It did start out like… dating, but I’ve been…” a deep breath, “I’ve got so tired of being used, because… I actually needed to… sometimes do service so those people I met up with could spread the word about this whole thing and we could get more guests and more money, but I didn’t have to do it every time. I’m just… I’m scared of getting out.”

“Scared?” Taekwoon asks. “Is he… threatening you or something?”

“No, of course not,” Jaehwan shakes his head. “I just… I knew there’d be trouble and I’m scared of… the consequences. For both of us.”

“I’m sorry,” Taekwoon says and he knows how empty it sounds even if he feels close to angry tears from the whole situation. He has never before felt this strongly that he wanted to just disappear, he’s never wanted to jump into a different universe and start a new life from scratch as much as he does now. He doesn’t want to be Jung Taekwoon; he wants to be that funny-looking bellboy down the hall.

“There’s really nothing to do, right?”

Jaehwan exhales shakily and his eyes are huge and full of worry, sorrow, and regret. Taekwoon takes his fingers from his crossed ankles and holds his cold hands in his palms, lets Jaehwan bury his face into the crook of his neck, his lips quivering against Taekwoon's skin.

Jaehwan wilts in Taekwoon's hold like a small flower that suddenly got picked out of the soil and left under the piercing sun to die.

The last time detective Jung Taekwoon sees his Songbird it’s in his cage.

Jaehwan has dark shadows contouring his glassy eyes and his skin is almost grey, his shoulder blades visible even under his shirt as if his wings have got torn out, leaving only the stubs there.

Taekwoon touches two fingers to the metal bars, tries to get closer to Jaehwan who is sitting in the corner, only half facing him, hugging his knobby knees to his chest.

Taekwoon wants to tell him he’ll get him out of there as soon as he can, he wants to tell him how he has already given his badge back, how he has already quit just so he can help, but Jaehwan doesn’t seem like he wants to hear any of those.

Taekwoon let him out of his prison only to lock him up in an entirely different way.

The Songbird can’t be free.

*it’s a raggiana bird-of-paradise

#vixx #leo #ken #keo #rating: pg13 #req #au #angst

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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Can I forgive the man who raped me?

Thordis Elva was raped aged 16. Years later, she emailed Tom Stranger, the man who raped her, beginning a raw, painful healing process documented in their book South of Forgiveness. In this extract, they meet to find a way forward

Thordis Elvais from Iceland and known to Icelandersas a writer, playwright, journalist and public speaker. She was voted Woman of the Year 2015 by the Federation of Icelandic Womens Societies in Reykjavik for her work on gender equality, and has written a celebrated book on gender-based violence, 2009s mannamli (The Plain Truth). She currently resides in Stockholm, Sweden with her partner Vidir and their son.

Tom Stranger is Australian. He met Elva when he was 18 and on a student exchange programme in Iceland, and the pair had a relationship. Since then, he has worked in various sectors (community services, youth, outdoor recreation, charity, construction, and hospitality). For now, he is working as a landscape gardener and lives in Sydney with his wife, Cat.

From: [email protected] Sent: Saturday 21 May 2005, 5.38am To: [email protected] Subject: Words for you Thordis, I dont know where to start. When I saw your name in my inbox, my spine went cold. My memories are still as clear as day. Please believe me when I say I have not forgotten what I did, and how wary I have to be of myself. I dont know how to reply. I want to call myself sick (but I know I am not), I want to say that you are so strong, so strong to be able to write to me and recall the events and my actions. I want to thank you for not hating me, although Id like you to. It would make it easier for me. Without looking for a scratch of sympathy, I want to tell you that the events and emotions I was party to in Iceland have replayed in my head many times, usually when I am by myself for any length of time. They flash past me, vividly accurate, and then, shortly after the denial and positive character reinforcement, comes the question: Who am I? It is a dark part of my memory. Ive tried to suppress it. But this is not about me. Whatever I can do or offer you, I am more than willing. The question is where to go from here. You tell me. Tom.

*****

After eight years of analysing the violent past and its consequences in a written correspondence, Thordis and Tom decide to meet up in the middle, between their home countries of Iceland and Australia, looking to face their past once and for all.

Day one, 27 March 2013

The taxi picks me up at a quarter to five and takes me to the bus station, where Im booked on the fly-bus. The grizzled taxi driver, hoisting my suitcase into the trunk with a smooth manoeuvre, asks me where Im going.

To South Africa.

Oh, really? To Johannesburg?

No, to Cape Town, I reply, still in disbelief at my own words despite the time Ive had to adjust to the idea. It would be an understatement to say that the proposed meeting has been on my mind. Its reverberated in every step when Ive gone out for a run; its been in every breath of cold winter air that scraped the insides of my lungs; its soaked the wet washcloth I used to clean my sons sticky fingers. And Ive tried my best to push it out of my mind when making love to my fiance, enjoying his warm skin against mine.

After all, that would be a highly inappropriate time to be thinking about it.

From the moment the destination was set, I adapted to a new calendar before or after Cape Town. The last time I bought deodorant I automatically deduced that I wouldnt have to buy another one until after Cape Town. Yesterday, when snuggling down with my three-year-old son to do some painting together, spending quality time with him BC momentarily appeased my guilt for leaving him for 10 days to travel halfway across the globe to face a man from the past without any guarantee of the outcome.

Something tells me that parents of young children are not meant to take such foolhardy decisions. Thats the reason I gave up my dreams of parachuting when I fell pregnant with my son. Then again, throwing myself out of an aeroplane at 7,000 feet carries less emotional risk than taking a trip down memory lane with the man who turned my existence upside down. Because it wasnt an unknown lunatic who tore my life apart all those years ago. Who turned down the offer of medical help for me, even though I was barely conscious and vomiting convulsively. Who decided instead to rape me for two endless hours.

It was my first love.

My mothers eyes flew wide open when I told her that I was travelling alone to South Africa to meet up with the man who raped me when I was 16. She strung together a series of hair-raising worst-case scenarios before letting out a sigh, looking at me with loving reluctance, and adding: But I know its pointless to try to talk you out of things youve set your mind to, dear. Shortly thereafter, my dad interrupted my packing when he dropped by for a coffee. Despite my attempt to break the news to him in the gentlest manner possible, it didnt prevent him from freaking out. He lectured me in a thundering voice about how I was jeopardising my life for an utterly ridiculous idea.

But I have to finish this chapter of my life, I said softly. My cheeks were on fire.

Finish this chapter? he repeated, appalled, and jumped out of his chair. You dont need to travel across the globe to finish anything! This whole idea is a big pretentious drama, thats what it is!

His words hit me right where it hurts.

Youll have no control over anything. Nothing but your thoughts! Nothing else!

What do you mean? I asked, confused. Ill obviously control my actions and whereabouts.

No you wont, dear, he hissed. You cant always. If you could, then that wouldnt have happened.

We both knew what he meant by that, even though weve never talked about the incident that changed everything. In recent years, Ive spoken widely and publicly about my status as a rape survivor (though, until now, never identified the man who raped me) yet my father and I have never discussed that fateful night. He has never asked and Ive always assumed he doesnt want to know.

I sat up straight, aware of my glowing cheeks. If you reduce me to victim and him to perpetrator, I can see how this seems incomprehensible to you. But were much more than that, Dad.

He scoffed loudly before storming out of the kitchen.

I leant against the wall and let the air out of my lungs slowly. Goddamn it. I knew this would be hard, but bloody hell.

My father appeared again in the doorway, pacing up and down with frustration I knew was fuelled by fatherly love. How can you be sure youll finish anything with this nonsense? This may just as easily be the start of something else entirely! The distress in his voice made it sound like a threat.

I sat alone in the silence my father left behind and watched the dust settle. In a way, I think were both right. This trip will surely mark an end to a certain chapter of my life. What sets me apart from my father is my belief that in the next chapter, I wont be the victim any more.

Day two, 28 March 2013

The screen in the seatback in front of me shows a blinking plane over a map. According to the timer, Cape Town is just 29 minutes away. The butterflies in my stomach nose-dive, as the time seems way too limited considering how many questions are left unanswered.

Goddamn it, what if I cant forgive him? Am I ready to let go?

Frustrated, I scroll through the folder on my laptop, searching for something to calm my nerves. I was level-headed enough when I suggested this trip, wasnt I? In an attempt to recover my faith in this risky undertaking, I read through my own proposal:

You may need a lifetime to forgive yourself for what you did to me. That is up to you and you take however long you need, independent of anyone else. I, however, am climbing a different mountain. And I am getting very close to the top. I propose that in six months time, we meet up with the intention of reaching forgiveness, once and for all. In person. It is the only proper way for me to do it, I feel. No letter can ever compare with face-to-face communication. And after all weve been through, I think it is the most dignified and honest way to finish this chapter of our story.

I sound so calm, so fucking reasonable. How is it possible that this was written by the same person now hyperventilating in a plane 30,000ft over South Africa, full of nerve-racking doubt?

Reading through his reply, Im somewhat comforted that he, too, felt conflicted:

Ill admit that I was floored by your request to meet up. Fearful, anxious, cautious, paranoid. You name it, it all came swarming in. But youve asked, and you sound like you are making vital ground towards something very special for yourself. So of course Ill agree to see you. After much thought I do think it will be beneficial, and an opportunity for myself to air face-to-face some long held words and for us both to look to close some doors. I want it for you, Thordis, as you seem strong, open and ready to see me and move forward. I want it for me because Im so very sick of being sick and seeing myself as unlovable, and believe I can move on if I could just look you in the face, own up to it and say Im sorry.

Forgiveness is the only way, I tell myself, because whether or not he deserves my forgiveness, I deserve peace. Because Im doing this for me. My forgiveness is white-hot from the whetstone, and its purpose is to sever the ties, because if I can let this go, once and for all, Im certain that my overall wellbeing will benefit greatly. Self-preservation at its best.

Day four, 30 March 2013

Its seven oclock when we buy ourselves a drink at the hotel bar and sit down by a table facing the garden, readying ourselves for the hard talk. The windowpane clatters loudly, and an endless stream of staff crossing the room distracts me to the point where I give up. What do you say about us finishing this conversation in my room?

He looks at me, shocked. Are you sure? Youre comfortable with that?

Im sure that itll be easier to have this talk if we get proper privacy. Its tough enough as it is.

Tom radiates ever-increasing anxiety as the elevator climbs closer to the 12th floor. Unlike him, my emotions have calmed down.

Almost serene, I step out of the elevator. Theres no turning back now.

He buries his hands in his pockets as I fish my key out of my bag in front of my hotel room. Putting my hand on the doorknob, it morphs into the white plastic door-handle with the keyhole that haunts my dreams. Within me, everything falls silent. Ready? I ask myself.

Without hesitation, I turn the key.

Tom follows me inside my room, takes a look around and smiles nervously. Not bad.

Sit wherever you like. Im going to make some tea.

Thordiss student ID from around the time she met Tom. Photograph: Courtesy of Thordis Elva

He sits down on the edge of the bed while I busy myself with the kettle. From the corner of my eye, I notice him closing his eyes and straightening his back, as if hes steeling himself. When the boiling water hits the teabag at the bottom of the cup, Tom begins the story in a hoarse voice. I wore my golden shirt that evening. I didnt know it was customary to get dressed up for a dance in Iceland, and I didnt have anything fancy. The son of my host family took me to an exclusive store and helped me choose the shirt. I thought it was the peak of cool, at the time. The striped trousers were a present from my host sister.

He accepts the steaming teacup from my hand and stares into it for a moment before continuing. I remember how excited I was when I bought the ticket. I remember that I was with my friends Carlos and Ben when we met you outside the dance. You were pretty drunk when you arrived.

It was the first time Id ever tasted rum, I tell him. I didnt know how to drink alcohol. Nor did I know how to smoke, even though I took a drag from the rolled cigarette you handed me. I just wanted to impress you. And after the ensuing wild cough, I wondered if perhaps that wasnt a cigarette, I remind myself.

I lost you the minute we stepped inside, Tom continues. Carlos and I went straight to the dancefloor. I remember feeling happy and carefree in that sweaty pile of people. Then someone told me you werent well, you were in the ladies.

My mind replays the awful scene from the bathroom stall. The stains on my new dress. My hair wet from hugging the toilet. My fear and wonder as one spasm after the other wrung my body out like a dishrag. The repeated promises that Id neither drink nor smoke again if I were only allowed to survive this night. And finally, the desperate wish for my mom to come save me. I fucked up, Mom. Im sorry.

Tom frowns. I felt it was my duty to go and check on you. So I went in and climbed over the partition, into your cubicle. I held your hair back while you vomited, and I thought I was going to be sick as well. Then you flopped to the ground and lay there, motionless. I remember carrying you out.

He pauses and looks away. Before I have a chance to tell him how grateful I was when he appeared like my mother incarnate to save me from an untimely death on the bathroom floor, he grimaces bitterly. Then I couldnt be bothered to look after you, Thordis. I dumped you on Ben and left you with him. You were slumped on the chairs outside the bathrooms and he stood there, stooped over you, as I went back to the dancefloor.

I look at him in surprise. I thought youd taken me straight home.

He clenches his jaw. My only thought was that this was the only Christmas dance I was going to experience in Iceland. I was selfish and didnt have any concern for you. In the end, I felt guilty that some other guy was looking after my girlfriend. So I scooped you up in my arms and carried you up the stairs, in a foul mood because I had to leave the party.

And the security guards stopped you on the way out because they wanted to call an ambulance for me as I was dangling from your arms, foaming at the mouth. They thought I had alcohol poisoning.

Id forgotten that moment but I dont doubt it, he says in a low voice.

Tom Stranger in 1996, the year he went to Iceland. Photograph: Courtesy of Tom Stranger

I remember that part vividly because for a second there, I thought youd take their advice, I respond, looking down into my cup. That Mom and Dad would get a call from the hospital saying that their 16-year-old daughter was lying there with alcohol poisoning. I imagined being grounded for life.

Id known for three years by then what it is to drink to excess, and Id seen many of my friends at various stages of drunkenness. I just thought you were wasted. I didnt think you were in real danger, he says.

Whatever it was, it had me paralysed and unable to speak. But I heard you loud and clear as you refused the offer of an ambulance, telling the security guards that you knew me and would see me safely home.

He nods, his complexion strangely pale. The taxi was white, I recall. I told the driver your address I remember letting us into your house. But what I dont remember is what I did with you while I struggled to unlock the door.

You draped me across your shoulder while you rummaged round in my bag for the keys.

He raises his eyebrows. Really? Like a sack of potatoes?

I nod.

He swears at himself quietly. And I remember your entrance hall, the shoes on the floor. From memory, past the coat hooks there were some stairs on the left, leading up to the kitchen and your parents area. Your room was through on the right. He stops and swallows.

I remember taking your clothes off.

I remember it too. My gratitude when he removed my vomit-stained dress. My relief at having my feet freed from the high heels. My frustration for not being able to utter a word of thanks. My lack of understanding when he continued to remove my underwear. Why my panties? Why?

My stomach muscles reflexively tighten as I prepare for the blow.

He stands up, moving restlessly, and walks over to the wall opposite the bed. I undressed you completely… He falls silent and hangs his head. The wind howls pitifully outside the window.

Tom begins to cry.

I wish I could tell you why I did it, Thordis.

Did what?

Raped you, he says, quietly.

This is an edited extract from South of Forgiveness by Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger (Scribe Publications, 12.99). To order a copy for 11.04 go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger will be speaking at the Royal Festival Hall as part of the Women of the World festival on 11 March, and at the Bristol Festival of Ideas on 13 March

People were quick to judge I wasnt angry enough: what came next for Thordis and Tom

Standing in stark stage lights, with five cameras directed at me, I recently found myself on a stage, telling an audience of 1,200 how Id been raped when I was 16 years old. Next to me on stage was Tom, who raped me after a dance at our high school. Together, we gave a TED talk that summarised a 20-year long process, whereby Tom shouldered responsibility for his actions and the way they impacted our lives. It was viewed nearly 2m times in the first week and the overwhelming reaction was positive and supportive.

In the talk, I described the violence Tom subjected me to, how I spent years wanting nothing more than to hurt him back, how I found a way to part with the anger that nearly cost me my life, as well as rid myself of blame that I like so many other survivors wrongfully shouldered.

Tom described how he felt deserving of my body that night, without any concern for me, and consequently convinced himself that what he did was sex and not rape. The following nine years were marked by denial, in which he did his best to outrun the past, until I confronted him in a pivotal email that changed our lives for ever.

Ive been asked why I didnt press charges immediately, and the simple answer to that question is that I was a 16-year-old girl with naive notions about rape. Rapes were committed by armed lunatics, the kind of sensationalised monsters you saw on TV and read about in the papers. The fact that Tom wasnt a monster, but a person who made an awful decision, made it harder for me to see his crime for what it was. That way, the demonisation of perpetrators in mainstream media got in the way of my recovery. By the time I was able to identify what had happened to me as rape, Tom had moved to the other side of the planet, far from the jurisdiction of the Icelandic police. At the time, 70% of rape cases in Iceland were dismissed, even when the perpetrator could be interrogated and the survivor had documented injuries, neither of which were the case for me. Therefore, pressing charges would not have been a fruitful process, and the only option I felt I had left was to bottle up my pain and anger. Studies show that very few survivors have a clean-cut story in which they went straight to the authorities after being assaulted, put the blame squarely on the perpetrators shoulders, healed their wounds and moved on. For most of us, life after violence is a messy ordeal. We dont go to the police because were too confused, scared or doubtful that well get help. We blame ourselves and obsess about things we couldve done differently. We numb ourselves with alcohol/drugs/sex/food/work, or we turn to self-harm to relieve the emotional pain. We continue to see our abusers and pretend that nothing happened, because facing the truth is overwhelming. We develop PTSD and mental illness. We stay silent about what happened out of fear that well not be believed, or worse, blamed for it because we did something wrong. No wonder, really. In reality, the only people capable of preventing rapes are those who commit them, and yet were told from an early age that we can avoid being raped by dressing and behaving in a certain way. This culture of victim-blaming also fosters the idea that there is a right way to react to violence. Had the survivor only worn something else, not smiled so widely, not gotten drunk, fought back (more), screamed (louder), gone straight to the police, not feared their attackers retaliation if theyd only done that, everything wouldve worked out differently. Victim-blaming deepens the shame that many survivors feel and lessens the likelihood that they speak up about their experiences.

youtube

Watch Thordis Elva and Tom Strangers TED talk.

The reality is that there is no right reaction to having your life ripped apart by violence. I knew that my collaboration with Tom would be controversial, and the reactions of internet trolls didnt surprise me. But I am concerned with how quick some people were to judge the wrong way in which I worked through my experience. I wasnt angry enough, I shouldve pressed charges, I was setting a dangerous precedent, I should be ashamed. Although I made it clear that my forgiveness wasnt for my perpetrator but for myself and that without it, I wouldnt be alive, I was still told that I should not have forgiven.

This worries me. I worry about my fellow survivors who are at risk of internalising the misconception that there is a standard reaction to sexual violence, with the conclusion that they didnt react in the right way. To you, I want to say that you did nothing wrong. The way in which you carried on with your life may not have been clean-cut, it may have been messy and incomprehensible to those who dont share your experience, but it was your way to survive a trauma. Nobody has the right to tell you how to handle your deepest pain.

And as the title of our story South of Forgiveness suggests, forgiveness played a pivotal role in allowing me to let go of the self-blame I shouldered, largely due to the victim-blaming culture I grew up in. And yet, forgiveness is not the core of our story, in my mind. The core issue is responsibility.

I understand those who feel discomfort and even outrage when hearing and seeing Tom on stage, knowing that hes perpetrated sexual violence. At the same time, given how prevalent this type of abuse is and how under-reported a crime it is, were in all likelihood seeing and hearing from perpetrators on a daily basis the main difference being that we dont know theyre perpetrators. They could be the people we went to school with, who greet us at the grocery store, who direct the films we watch, get elected to public office, run entire countries and live right next door. Given the low reporting and conviction rate, most of them will never have to take responsibility for their actions in an institutional sense. This does not lessen the gravity of their deeds.

By the time Tom had confessed to his crime, he couldnt have done time for it even if he wanted to, as the statute of limitations had passed. As a result, our case fell through the cracks of the legal system, like so many others, but it didnt lessen our need to analyse our past and place the responsibility with the person to whom it belonged: Tom. We also did our best to answer questions that are rarely posed in the public discourse about rape, where more focus seems to be on the survivors attire, behaviour, whereabouts and sexual history than the perpetrators culpability. And as frustrating as it is, I understand it to a certain extent. Because in the public discourse, the only people speaking about the violence theyve been party to are the survivors, usually. Which is why we only have their stories to dissect, their details to scrutinise. Did she say shed been drinking that night? This tradition of one-sided scrutiny blindsides us from looking at the behaviour of the person responsible, the perpetrator, to whom the focus needs to shift.

I am not sharing the story of how I processed the abuse I endured as a set of recommendations for others.

My story is a unique account shared in the hope that it can aid a public discussion about sexual violence.

As a society, it is our duty to fight against violence. And as individuals, we have a right to heal from it.