#you can still hmu but i’ll probably reply to you late </3

[dollyyun]

idk might take a break from blr until i return to post dkp finale.

[timextoxhajima]

hi dana.. if it’s possible can i request some angsty wangsty based on niki la la lost you with eric🥺 and ughh i really love your writing like crazyyyyy

♥ title: la la lost you in april [also part of @sunlightwoo ‘s 12 Months I Loved You collaboration project]

♥ member: tbz eric

♥ genre: f2l, ex! eric x fem! reader, model! eric [SFW!]

♥ warnings: swearing, some mentions of sex [like, once i think]

♥ wc: 3.4k

♥ a/n: sis when i first heard the song I absolutely loved how you used 'angsty wangsty' so I hope this one does it for you the way you imagined it <3 [fyi i wrote it in like, a camcorder recording audio format which is something i’m trying out so please hmu on whether it’s difficult to read/understand!]

[REC: APRIL 2, 2019 - 6:39PM] SOLO LOG #1

Are you seeing this? This is the most beautiful sunset I’ve seen. I gotta get a shot of this-

Hey! Hey! I could help you take a picture with the sunset if you want to!

Oh! Would- Would you? That’d be great!

Of course! 

...

Here. Is it alright?

Yeah, yeah, it’s cool! Thank you so much!

Are you recording something? Is it a- Are you vlogging? Are you a vlogger?

Yeah, no... I’m actually on a solo trip for a bit.

Oh, where are you from?

Just the next state. 

Ah! You’re taking a break off... life then? I assume? Sorry if that came out weird.

No! No no! It’s alright! Yeah, I just needed a short break from... y’know, school and everything. My semester ended pretty early on so I took the chance to come out here and... see some new sights, meet some new people.

I get that. Well, for a start, what’s your name?

Oh, I’m y/n. Nice to meet you! And you?

I’m Eric. 

[REC: APRIL 4, 2019 - 10:34PM] SOLO LOG #2

It is the 4th of April, 2019. I know, I know, I’m meant to do a daily vlog for all the 50 days I’m here but... it’s been... wow. Um... so I met Eric, the first day I touched down. The beach is just, about a 10 minute walk down and the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous. But uh... call me a fool and say that I’m living in the clouds but- what are the chances?

He’s funny, he’s such a great person to be around with y’know? Never a moment of like, awkwardness or stress and my God, look at me talking about a boy like that, though I met him 2 days ago. 

...

Um, he’s a freelance model. For those freelance shoots by UNIQLO or Target or something and he complains about the pay sometimes, but he looks good infront of a camera, so he’s... actually the one who won at life, really.

I’m not seeing him soon because he’s got a shoot out of town and he’ll be back next week. But I did get his number and he’s been texting me since. 

...

Wouldn’t it be funny if we end up together and then I have this whackass of a reel to show him? Jesus... I need to stop getting ahead of myself here. Freakin’ living in the clouds, aren’t I?

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and see if I can get my weird projector shit up and working. See you.

[REC: APRIL 7, 2019 - 5:14AM] SOLO LOG #3

It is... 5am... uh, April 7th- and I was just binging FRIENDS through the night, waiting for the sunrise before I get some shut eye and then... Eric just asked me out. Oh my God! Um, he’s coming back this Thursday and I’ll go see him at the airport before we go get dinner.

It was really funny ‘cause he had to wake up early for a shoot today and so his day has just begun but mine’s coming to an end and I just- I’m rambling so much, it’s kinda- it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I think I’m too happy to sleep right now so I’m just gonna text him some more before the sun rises- oh! He replied!

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and finish up this last episode before sleeping. Hopeful I can sleep. Bye!

[REC: APRIL 11, 2019 - 4:28PM] SOLO LOG #4

I am on my way out right now to go meet Eric at the airport, and I’m... it’d be an understatement to say that I’m excited. I know I’ve only known him for like, 2 days before he left but... I miss him. Is that possible? Missing someone despite knowing them for 2 days?

Anyway, I gotta go. Don’t wanna be late to see him.

[REC: APRIL 13, 2019 - 10:23AM] SOLO LOG #5

Oh! Is that what you had-

Yeah! It’s the same camera!

What are you vlogging for, actually? Like-

Nothing, really. It’s just for my own usage-

Wait, you didn’t like set that up last night while we-

Oh, God, no! Who do you think I am?

I don’t know, I mean, we’ve known each other for... is it two weeks-

Just under two weeks-

Jeez-

I know, I know, oh my God.

...

I don’t regret it though. Yeah, like- I don’t really go down to the beach that often in the first place and it just- it just so happened that you were there that day and I saw you struggling with this old thing-

I was not struggling!

Yeah you were!

I wasn’t-

I’m kidding! Gosh, you’re so cute.

...

Are you gonna have the camera recording while this carries on?

I forgot it was on-

One day we’re gonna accidentally make a sex tape-

Eric!

[REC: APRIL 17, 2019 - 1:15AM] SOLO LOG #6

-ould you pass me the hot water?

Mm? What?

The kettle over on the counter. Careful, it’s hot. Yeah, thanks.

Do you need help with-

It’s just instant noodles, sweet. Doubt I need a diploma for this. You’re recording again?

Yeah, does it bother you?

No, no, ‘course not. Though that means I can’t really do whatever I want to now.

What does that mea-

...

I can... still taste that bit of milk tea you had just now-

Could you tell it’s zero sugar?

I don’t think that matters, it’s still sweet and not great for your health to have that so much.

Aw, and yet you’re the one who suggested noodles at this timing, yeah?

You were hungry too!

...

Here, it’s done. Help me get the bowls? 

Did you even wash these?

Yeah, I did. If you don’t trust me, you can run them under the water for a bit.

Mhm. Here.

If it’s not enough, we can call for Macs.

Y’know, I’ve never had Macs past midnight back at home.

What? Really? Well, when you get back in May, would you try?

Yeah, why not? Maybe I’ll do that when I’m back in school. 

...

What date is it today?

April... hold on, um, 17. Careful, that’s hot.

...

When are you leaving again?

May 22. 

Are you planning on coming back anytime soon after?

I don’t know. I have school to worry about and the only other time I can come back’s probably during winter break in November.

...

I won’t be around in November.

Mm? Why not?

I’m moving.

To where?

I’m not sure yet, but I need to move depending on whether I get it and where the shoot’s at.

Shoot? It’s a big project, huh?

Yeah, it’s- it’s a pretty big deal.

...

I’ll- Let me just go and...

[REC: APRIL 20, 2019 - 7:49PM] SOLO LOG #7

-idn’t have to!

No, c’mon! It’s such a great time to get this on camera! Come on, tell us what just happened!

Well, I just scored a huge model contract with Calvin Klein - in Manhattan.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m so fucking proud of you, oh my God! Can you believe it-

No, fuck off, I can’t either! 

Oh! Calvin Klein!

...

I swear, you’re an angel sent to me-

Fuck off!

I’m serious! it’s so timely- I just can’t- I’m just so happy to have met you.

...

Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen. Eric Sohn is a new model for Calvin Klein - Manhattan.

[REC: APRIL 21, 2019 - 12:40PM] SOLO LOG #8

It is 12.40pm... April 21st, 2019. I’m finally back in my apartment after crashing at Eric’s for the last... 10 days? I think it was 10 days. My clothes were running out and I didn’t want to hike up his water bills so I just came back and- y’know did my own laundry.

...

Well, it’s- it’s been an absolute dream. The last thing I expected to... have, or meet? Here, is Eric. Um, but I know I’m probably going to regret this. Especially when May 22 comes. Uh... this is... it’s real bad. I mean, we’re great, y’know? But... it’s bad, because I know it’ll hurt. Like a bitch. When my time here is up, and I gotta go back to my reality, and Eric’s gotta stick to his. 

We haven’t really talked about it. May. I don’t think he wants to, and I don’t think I want to either. 50 days is too short. Either that, or I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone to the beach that day, in that hour. 

...

I just wish we had more time. I wish 24 hours were... maybe about 100 seconds more per minute. Does that make sense? 160 seconds per minute. Then again, I don’t think that’d solve my problem. I’ll still be on a ticking... time bomb. 

...

I know I shouldn’t say this. I know I can’t. I know I can’t afford to. But... I... I love him. I love Eric. With every... bit of me. It’s so... disgustingly cliché, but I feel so... comfortable with him. There’s really nothing we’d fight about, and even if we disagreed on something, we’d play it off like a debate, then forget about it the next day.

...

I love him. I do. And I’m going to regret this later. Without a doubt.

...

[REC: APRIL 27, 2019 - 2:02AM] SOLO LOG #9

-ou can see the stars?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m trying, sweet.

...

Can you see them?

Yeah, maybe if I just turn this ISO- Oh! I can kinda see the North Star-

Oh! Yeah, you can! It’s really feint though.

Right.

It’s okay, we can just lay it down here-

On the grass? Will your camera be fine?

Yeah, yeah, or else you can just put in on top of my bag- here.

...

Here, can you see me? Am I in frame?

Yeah, you’re in frame.

Okay, great. Now get over here!

...

I can taste the smoothie you had just now.

Too sweet?

A little.

...

Oh my God! Put me down! Oh- not there! It’s ticklish- AHHHHH!

...

y/n, I have something to tell you.

Mm? What is it?

...

Hello? Earth to Eric?

I... I love you. So much... and I can’t bear to see you go in May. 

Oh, Eric...

No, I- I don’t want you to stay- or even think about it, ‘cause, you have your priorities and I have mine y’know...

Mhm.

I just... I just wished we had more time. 

I do too. I really do.

...

Eric?

Hm?

I love you too.

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 1, 2019 - 4:23AM] SOLO LOG #10

1st May. 4...30? Am? I believe. Um, Eric’s sound asleep in his bed and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to do a log. 

...

I have... 3 weeks left. 4 weeks have gone past just like that, and I don’t know what to think about it. I came for a 50-day retreat. No stress, just myself and peace and quiet and tranquility and yet-

...

I- I don’t know if I can do this.

...

[REC: MAY 7, 2019 - 3:58PM] SOLO LOG #11

So, Eric’s in shoot right now and I’m on the way into the studio with some donuts and coffee to surprise him. I called his manager and asked if it was okay so- I’m pretty psyched to see his workspace. 

...

Hi, I’m y/n, I’m here to visit Eric?

Ah, okay! Hold on, let me just get you signed in with the pass-

Count me in!

You sure? This Saturday at the prep-party?

Yeah- Oh! 

Eric!

y/n! What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you. Am I... interrupting anything?

Oh, not at all!

You must be y/n! Eric’s told me so much about you!

Did he? And you are...?

I’m Chelsea! I’ve been attached to the same Calvin Klein contract he recently got, so you could say we’re colleagues!

Well, nice to meet you! Oh, right, these donuts and coffee are meant for you guys actually!

Oh! You’re too kind! Eric, you’re such a lucky man.

I know, she’s just... everything.

Anyway, thank you so much for these. I’ll bring them back down to the studio for the crew to share. But Eric’s pretty much done for the day actually, so you guys can leave if you want to!

Are you sure? Don’t you need help downstairs with the equipment?

No, no! It’s fine, there’re more than enough people downstairs. Go have your date, and maybe you can bring her along with you for the prep-party this weekend!

What’s the prep-party... preparing for?

Oh, you’re so adorable! It’s a prep-party for the end-of-May shoot we’re gonna have. it’s a collab with DAZED so it’s a pretty big project.

You never told me you were involved in a collab with DAZED.

I was gonna tell you today.

He has been pretty busy recently, maybe slipped his mind. Anyway, thank you so much for the donuts and I’ll hope to see you at the pier this Saturday, mm?

Yeah, sure. Thanks Chels.

No problem! It was so nice to meet you, y/n, I’ll see you Saturday!

Okay, bye!

Bye, Chelsea! It was nice to meet you!

Bye!

...

Sweet, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?

I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you said you’d end pretty late?

The filming was cut short because the shots were better than expected so we ended early.

Oh, I wanted to film you while you were at work.

You have that on?

Yeah- why?

No, just wondering. 

Are you uncomfortable?

No, no, it’s just... I really didn’t expect you to come to the studio. 

...

[REC: MAY 11, 2019 - 11:12PM] SOLO LOG #12

It’s 11:12pm, 11th May, 2019. 11 days to departure.

...

I... saw... Chelsea and Eric... um, out by the garage- 

...

Well, I guess... it looked like they were just... having a really good talk. Or something. 

...

I left. I couldn’t watch it. So, I left without telling Eric. I did tell his boss that I wasn’t feeling well and I had to leave first. 

...

I guess this is the part where I regret it, isn’t it? Um... I don’t know... how... I’m gonna explain this to him when I see him again. Which is supposed to be- um- the rest of the night. I was supposed to go back to his place with him and I’ll stay for the weekend before I come back to pack my things, so-

...

y/n, are you home?

...

shit.

y/n, I know you’re home. I heard you talking. Open the door, I need to talk to you.

...

[REC: MAY 12, 2019 - 2:00AM] SOLO LOG #13

...

I look like shit, don’t I? God, my eyes hurt like a bitch. 

...

I don’t think I need to say what just happened for you to guess what just happened, right? This... says it all. 

...

Fuck. 

...

I shouldn’t have come here. How did- How did my retreat turn out- turn out like this? 

...

This is- This is too much. Too much in too short... of a time. 

...

I don’t think... I don’t think I can do it. Not anymore. 

...

[REC: MAY 19, 2019 - 9:59AM] SOLO LOG #14

It’s May 19th, 2019, almost 10am. I just came back from a morning walk by the beach just to... reminisce a little before I leave on Wednesday. 

...

I... haven’t seen Eric since the prep-party. I blocked him and I told him not to come over, though I think he has, like, a few times. I thought I heard someone come up to my door, but he never knocked. 

...

So, this is how it ends, huh? A 50-day romance cut short like that. Into about, 40? 

...

It’s crazy to think that I had... the experience of a whole relationship in 40 days. I definitely did not sign up for that when I booked this 50-day retreat. 

...

It was fun while it lasted, though. It was. I don’t think I’d find anybody else like Eric, and I guess it just sucks that it had to end like that. Things happen, right? That aren’t... in our control. 

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 21, 2019 - 8:07PM] SOLO LOG #15

May 21st. About 8pm. I leave in about 15 hours. 

...

All my stuff’s packed. Definitely more things to bring home than I brought here. Half of these things were bought by Eric and given to me. I’m... actually not sure if I should bring them back. 

...

I don’t- I just don’t think I’d have the heart to throw them away.

...

Nor look at them when I’m home. 

...

Should I even bring this camera home? Maybe I should wipe your memory before I bring you home, hmm?

...

It feels like a dream, doesn’t it? Everything that’s happened. It feels like a fever dream. Maybe when I’m finally home, I’d wake up and it’d be the day I come here.

...

Maybe.

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 10:03AM] SOLO LOG #16

-ny more luggage?

Nope.

Alright then, I think you’re all set. You still have about an hour’s time before the gates are open so you can get a cup of coffee or something, yeah?

Okay, thank you!

Have a nice flight ma’am.

Thanks.

...

Good evening ma’am, can I check your boarding pass?

Yeah, sure.

...

Okay, you’re good to go. Have a safe flight.

Thank you!

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 11:34AM] SOLO LOG #17

It is about 11.30am and I’m on the flight, and here’s the view outside. Sky’s pretty clear and this thing says that the weather’s great so, it should be a smooth flight without turbulence.

...

This is it. This is really it. 

...

...

...

Um-

Hi, ma’am, I’m gonna need you to keep your camcorder.

Oh! Yeah, sure, sure, sorry!

[REC: APRIL 2, 2020 - 12:48AM] ERIC LOG #1

Wow, this is... weird. How did you do this last year?

...

Um, hi. y/n. If you’re watching this then I’ve somehow managed to get this synced into your camera by some weird... bluetooth, iCloud shit that Felix helped me figure out. 

...

It’s been a year. And... I just thought you should... see this, or hear me out, at least. I know we didn’t end on the best terms... and I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for being unreasonable for something that was... suspicious. I should’ve understood. 

...

I should’ve been there. To see you off. And I’m sorry I didn’t. I... was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to let you go if I went to send you off. I was a coward. I still am. 

...

But I do want you to know that... those 50 days were the best days of my life. Albeit it ended horribly, but nothing could... nothing- nothing will ever replace what happened last April. 

...

I said I love you and... I still do. Every day I think about you and your smile and your voice and- and I cry to sleep... worrying that I’d forget how you sound like, or how you laugh and how... how you smell like. My bed smelt like you even after you left. 

...

I just- I love you. And I miss you. And I’d do anything to go back to what we had. I’d do anything to get- to get you back. 

...

I’m sorry.

...

the clip comes to an automatic stop. the white triangle slapped onto the screen, begging you to play it again. you look up from the screen, watching the famous calvin klein ad that hasn’t stopped playing in the last month. 

he hasn’t changed one bit. not his hair, not his smile, not his voice. 

it’s a bittersweet pot of memory stashed in the back of your head when the memories flood back. looking back down at the camera, you count back the days - it was synced just last night. 

the pile of tissues by your thighs are carelessly huddled into the bin next to your feet, mentally berating yourself for going through the memory instead of formatting it. 

you stand, fingers shutting the screen back onto its body with a soft click. the tv blacks out when you press the red button on its remote. 

you’re halfway into your kitchen when there’s a knock at your door, and you immediately gasp, blinking rapidly.

“oh, it’s my fucking projector!”

rushing to the door, you don’t hesitate to get the door open. 

and yet, like the heavens were providing you with all the light to stop you from doubting yourself, your lungs empty themselves like vacuums. 

your heart stops.

your breathing stops.

“eric... what are you doing here?”

[sweetpinkstylist]

Hello hello! I suppose I have made my active presence known so I should probably discuss the elephant in the room that you may or may not be aware of as I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days. I hope to not be too controversial about it. ^^;

For those of you who don’t know, a post was made on the Love Nikki Facebook that, put simply, has asked fans not to rip the game’s content. Of course, I absolutely respect their motivations for that, that they do not want their content to be stolen and sold and/or put into other games without their consent, and I do not want to be the person giving access to the assets to unscrupulous people.

However, I enjoy making my own fan content with the assets, which I get absolutely no money from, and I would never want to out of principle, so I would likely continue to rip things for my own art projects (I know I haven’t been posting many lately, but I promise they do exist, I just don’t finish many lol). I’ve thought about just quietly keeping any rips I make to myself, but I know other people also like to make art using rips and also do not make or want to make any money from them, and I want to help these people if they aren’t able to rip assets for any reason because, you know, I want to help other fans have fun making their own art.

And, perhaps more pertinently, if someone really wants to put stolen assets in their own game, what’s going to stop them from figuring out how to rip the assets themselves and continuing with only a small bump in the road? I rip things from LN with only four programs, including an image converter and an image editing program. If someone as dumb as me can do it, I’m sure the people with enough technological know-how to make a game of their own can figure it out. How can I sit back knowing literally anyone with the know-how can steal and make money off of LN assets while fans just wanting to make pictures for personal use are unable to?

So...... Now what?

Well, first of all, I will still be making rips, and I will still be posting them in the same Google Drive folder. You are still free to download anything from the folders Backgrounds, Character Sprites, Other Images, and Suits and Items folders and use them to create free fan content.

However, there will be some changes to this tumblr of mine here. I won’t be posting raw rips, and any posts I make announcing rip updates (such as when rips from a new chapter are up) will be toned down to just text posts and will not be tagged to the fandom. I’ll be honest, this is mostly to avoid drawing attention to myself for my, uh....uncondoned activities. ^^;

Secondly, though, I’m going to be more cautious about giving rips for more specific things like items, to decrease the chances I’m just handing over an item that someone will slip into a for-profit game or as a part of an commission or something. Anonymous asks in general are perfectly welcome, of course, but I won’t be replying to anonymous asks for specific rips. I’m a bit nervous about this (by that I mean my anxiety is screaming atm but I’m pushing through lol), but I’m going to have to ask for....well, a bit of vetting if you’d like specific items for something. I want this to be as easy as possible for people who may be anxious about asking for something (believe me, I understand XD), but I’m going to have to ask for a couple things: 1) you can contact me via ask or DM, but keep anonymous off (if you send an ask, I promise I’ll reply privately), 2) I'll be suspicious of tumblrs that are suspiciously empty, so if you’ve been active on tumblr for any time at any point, you’re fine, I just don’t want to give things to people who have just made a blank account for the sake of getting past the anon requirement, if your tumblr is void of content with all default theme and avatar and such, I’ll just have a couple extra questions, and 3) most importantly, please tell me what you’d like to do with the image you want, and, if possible, just show me something of a similar type you’ve done (doesn’t have to be specifically LN, just any not-for-profit art you’ve made using other assets) just so I have some evidence you’re not just saying you’re going to make something you’re not. If you haven’t made things like that before but you want to start with LN and want to ask me for a specific asset for your first project, you’re free to show me, say, a screenshot of what you’ve done so I can still get a bit of evidence that you are telling the truth. Same basic rules apply if you want to ask for something for a friend who isn’t on tumblr, that’s perfectly fine, just, again, let me know what they’d like it for and show me some evidence.

Phew, I hope that’s not too intimidating. ^^; This isn’t a huge problem or anything, but I just want to sort of quietly keep sharing rips for fans while restricting the possibility of someone using me to make a profit off LN assets.

Also, if you’d like to start ripping from LN yourself, I can do my best to help, but I won’t be posting instructions publicly (also, I can’t remember all the steps to set everything up in the first place ^^; ), so just shoot me a DM (you can send me a non-anon ask if you really want, but it’ll be much, much easier to talk it through in a DM, so if you send an ask, I’ll send you a DM lol) and I can do my best to help you out. You can also hmu for my Discord since I actually have it on my phone and rarely pop onto tumblr nowadays. That goes for anything, really lol, if you want to chat to me about anything for any reason on Discord, you can ask for it. I’ve thought about making a LN-centric server where I can announce rip updates/just talk about LN with friends and y’all, but that hasn’t come to fruition because I’m indecisive. Feel free to let me know if anyone would be interested in that because I’ll probably be too nervous to go through with it forever if no one would want that. ^^;

Last note: I’ll be deleting some existing things from my Items folder in the next little while. This is a rather arbitrary decision, but you can ask again for anything I’ve deleted. What I’m going to delete vs keep is also going to be somewhat arbitrary, but....y’know, I’m going to do it.

I’m open to criticism or questions for clarification on this btw. Just don’t be mean XD I am soft. This is probably going to end up being an ongoing work-in-progress because I want to respect the dev’s wishes, but I also want to continue to make fan content and help other fans do the same since the “no rips” rule won’t stop unscrupulous people in the first place. New suits will be incoming to the drive folder in the next few days or so (Miku suits are already there as I ripped them from the jpn server a while ago).

Anyway, I’ve talked enough here. ^^; Hope y’all are enjoying your winter holiday(s) of choice!

[golbrocklovely]

only the lonely survive // colby brock - chapter six: don’t forget to take a breath

A/N: haven’t updated in a couple days, sorry about that. while i was away, I actually started writing a new fanfiction ;) nothing like this one. a little more thrillery and spooky. i’ll post more about it later. nonetheless, please enjoy this chapter and lmk what you think. if you want to join the taglist, hmu :) <3

description of the story

taglist: @ajosieface , @localsleeper , @julyrubyrose

trigger warning: swearing, talks of rejection

word count: 1729

DAY 3/14

"Do you actually like Beetlejuice?" Colby asked, stuffing a bunch of fries into his mouth.

"Yes! It is one of my favorite movies. Hands down the best Tim Burton movie to me." I replied, taking a bite out of my McChicken sandwich.

"What about Corpse Bride, or Nightmare Before Christmas?" He questioned.

I shrugged, "Irrelevant."

He rolled his eyes jokingly and took a sip from his drink.

Colby and I sat in the parking lot of McDonalds eating our food in Colby's car, barely lit up by the sign of the golden M and the tiny overhead light. I sat crisscrossed, facing Colby. He had his body turned towards me.

"You know, I could have paid for my meal." I insisted, looking up at him.

He swatted his hand towards me, "It's no big deal. Your meal was like under five bucks."

"Well, thanks again. But I'm paying next time." I stated.

"There's gonna be a next time?" He smirked.

I sighed, "Why do you insist on teasing me?"

"Because you look cute annoyed." He said, biting his burger.

I blushed lightly. I'm happy the car is too dark for him to see.

"Anyway," I continued. "What's your favorite movie?"

"I like Scott Pilgrim Versus the World." He nodded.

I nodded back, "Good choice."

He dipped his fries into ketchup, "What's your favorite song at the moment? Or is it the one that you sang today?"

I thought for a moment. "I do love that song, but it's not my favorite right now. I think my favorite at the moment is an old song... Stars by Switchfoot."

"Never heard of it." He replied, wiping his hands on a napkin.

I gasped, "My dude, it is so good. Seriously, I think you would like it."

He giggled, smiling lightly. "Okay, I'll have to listen to it. Do you have a favorite band?"

"I do. You won't believe what band it is." I smirked, taking another bite of my sandwich.

"Um... yeah, I have no idea. Is it a weird band?" He asked, twisting his face.

"It is. You may or may not have heard of them. I mean, you do have a cardboard cut out of one of their members." I hinted, only glancing at Colby for a moment.

He raised his eyebrows, surprised, "Your favorite band is the Jonas Brothers?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "You have no idea how much I love them!"

"Is your favorite song by them Burning Up?" He teased, grabbing the last of his fries and shoveling them into his mouth.

I sighed, immediately annoyed. "Fuck no. That song is good, don't get me wrong, but only locals like that song."

"Locals?" He questioned.

"I don't know, it's what twitter stans use to basically call someone a fake fan. Nonetheless, my favorite song from them is called Take A Breath." I said, putting my trash into the leftover McDonalds bag.

"Play it for me." He replied, handing me his phone that was connected to the aux chord.

"Really? You want to listen to the Jonas Brothers with me?" I asked, almost whispering.

"Sure. Play the other songs you mentioned too. I want to get to know your music taste." He informed, starting the car and putting his seatbelt on.

I repeated his actions, and then opened Spotify on his phone, I made a small playlist of a couple songs I had mentioned to him. The first one being Take A Breath.

The whole ride to his house, I tried not to be too loud of a singer - just kind of mumbling through each song. It was late and I didn't really feel like belting out at 1:47 in the morning.

After a couple songs played, we arrived at his house. Pulling up to the gate, he clicked a button on his key ring, and the gate opened. He drove forward, parking the car and turning it off.

The Trap House looked a bit eerie, all the lights being off except for the light outside. We got out of his car and walked to the front door. He unlocked and opened it for me. I walked in to only the hallway light on.

"Everyone's asleep so we have to be a bit quiet." He stated quietly, while we walked up the stairs.

We went to his room, the door already opened. A redish glow light illuminated the room. I looked around his room. It was so weird to see it in person. It was a bit messy, but not too bad. A pile of clothes laid on his couch. A few post-it notes on the floor, most likely fallen from the walls covered in them.

"Ignore the clothes on the couch. They're clean, I just haven't put them away yet." He admitted, taking his shoes off and shutting the door lightly.

I sat down next to the clothes pile on the couch. He walked over to his desk and emptied his pockets. He then sat down on his bed. It was quiet for a moment.

Oh my God Skye, say something!

"So... what do you want to talk about?" I asked, look over at Colby.

"I-uh don't really know, to be honest." He replied, shrugging his shoulders lightly.

"We could always play twenty-one questions, just to get to know each other better." I stated.

He smiled. "Do people actually play that game or is that just in the movies?"

"Is that your first question?" I sassed.

He snickered. "Of course not."

"Well ask me something. Anything you like to know. I'm an open book." I said, stretching out my body and throwing my hands behind my head.

Colby shrugged. "Okay then, um... what is your favorite animal?"

"Ooh Corgis! Or like a baby hippo. I just connect with those animals on a spiritual level." I laughed.

He chuckled, "Why?"

"Because I'm stubby like a corgi and big like a baby hippo." I smiled.

Colby nodded his head, "Corgis are really stubby."

"It's honestly a shame for them. Should I ask you a question now?" I cocked my head to the side.

"Yeah, go ahead." He replied.

"Uh... chocolate or vanilla?" I asked.

He stretched out a bit, getting comfortable, "Chocolate. 100%. Favorite holiday?"

"Halloween. Favorite color?"

"Blue. Beach or woods?"

I sighed, pursing my lips, "I like both, if I'm honest. I would choose a forest, but bugs are a thing and I despise bugs, so I guess a beach."

"I'm more of a beach person." He stated.

"I've haven't been to the beach since I was like five." I admitted.

He sat up, "What? How? You live on the east coast."

"So? I live a couple hours away from the shore. It's not worth travelling through New Jersey to get to a beach that's always crowded." I complained.

"I guess so. But you must go to the beach while you're out here though." He insisted, grabbing a water bottle off his desk and taking a sip.

"I'll try. I can't make any promises." I answered.

"I haven't been to the beach in a while. Maybe a bunch of us can go together." He shrugged, smiling.

I smiled back, "That sounds fun."

We kept talking, learning all the little things about each other. It felt like we had asked all the basic questions. I wanted to take the next step, ask something deeper than favorite color and fast food places.

"Ask me a crazy question. Like, seriously anything. Something you probably wouldn't ask a stranger, but I'm giving you free range to do so." I insisted, standing up and going over to a section of post it notes on his wall. Some had random messages and little doodles, some were blank.

"Okay then. What's your biggest regret in life?" He turned his body towards me, his one leg dangling off the bed.

I hummed. "I don't have too many regrets. Maybe just one though."

"What is it then?"

I turned around to him. "There was this boy in high school. I met him my freshman year, became friends with him, and loved him until the day we graduated. I never told him how I felt."

"Why?" He whispered.

I chuckled sadly. "Because rejection is a bitch and I was too scared to admit it to him. Plus, he always had a girlfriend or if he didn't have one, he was chasing after my best friend at the time."

Colby scoffed. "Wow, he seems like a catch."

"Well, he didn't exactly know I loved him. I kept my feelings pretty hidden." I slowly moved towards the bed.

"Do you wish you guys dated?" He replied.

"Yes and no." I sat down, crossing my legs, "I wanted to be with him so badly, but I realized our senior year that we were never meant to be. Like, it was a real gut feeling that came to me randomly. Like, even if I would have admitted my feelings for him, it wouldn't have changed our relationship, I don't think. We just weren't meant to be together at that time."

His eyes met mine. "Do you still have feelings for him?"

I shook my head, "No. I haven't thought about him in years honestly. I don't really regret what I did and didn't do with him. I'm just more curious as to what our outcome would have been if I would have said something."

Colby looked at me and nodded his head lightly.

"Can I ask you something and you have to be honest with me?" I mumbled.

He squinted his eyes at me, smiling, "Yes?"

"Tell me about your first serious girlfriend. You don't have to say her name, or how old you were, just tell me about her." I stated.

He sighed, lightly playing with the rings on his fingers. "I don't know..."

Shit Skye, you fucked it up.

"If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to tell me. I'm sorr-" I started.

He cut me off, "No, don't apologize." He paused for a moment, "I'll tell you. But I have to ask you something beforehand."

"Okay." I uttered.

He grabbed a pillow and pulled it into his lap, hugging it slightly. "Do you think it's weird... that I've only ever had one serious girlfriend? Be honest."

I glanced up, looking into his eyes, "Of course not. I've only ever had one boyfriend."

He nodded. "Okay then."

 << CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 7 >>

[ashthatdrmmrgrl]

ANSWER ALL THEM YOU BITCH👩‍💻🤪

Ooh she's getting fiesty 😈😂 here you are, love ❤

1. What is your preferred place to write?

Laptop/computer, but since I dont have either anymore, my phone is my go to

2. When did you start writing?

I think it was 8th grade offically; my english teacher got me into reading and writing so that was the 2013/2014 school year I think

3. Favourite thing to write?

Idk, I like writing gay smut if that counts for something 🤷‍♀️

4. Fluff or angst?

I'm good at writing fluff but I love reading angsty stuff

6. Where do you usually find inspiration?

Ideas come to me in dreams, otherwise if I'm watching a movie/TV, listening to music, or just seeing something during the day will spark something.

7. Do you listen to music to help you write?

Yes! I would get soooo distracted if I didn't; that way I dont hear anything outside my head and I can focus on my writing (I'm listening to music now as I'm answering these too actually 😂)

8. What's the biggest "challenge" for you as a writer?

Finding time to write at all; I've got so many ideas bopping around in my head but life gets in the way 😭😭

9. Where do you usually go to write?

My room usually; it gives me privacy and a lot less distractions than my living room or outside the house.

10. Can you give us a sneak peek at your current WIP?

Yes!! I love this scene so much so you get to read it again;

My phone buzzed in my hands and I look down to see Sofia's face smiling at me. I pause my music and pull my earbuds out. 

"The Kid's calling," I say aloud before answering. "Hey, Fi!" 

"Hey yourself, is Steve available? I've got history questions that I need help with and he's not answering his phone."

I roll my eyes but put the phone on speaker. "Steve, Fi needs help with her homework."

"What's up, kiddo?" Steve asks, keeping his eyes on the road. 

"Stupid history homework; about the Commandos and I thought, 'what better way to finish this then get it straight from the source, old man," Sofia says. Sam lets out a small laugh and Bucky shifts awkwardly beside me. 

"Alright, shoot," Steve says with a shake of his head. 

"Original 7 members? I only know 3 of them off hand," Sofia starts.

"Easy, Me, Buck, Dum Dum, Morita, Jones, Monty, and Frenchy," Steve says casually. There's a pause before Sofia's sigh echoes through the car. 

"I don't think my teacher would appreciate it if I put their names in as if we were best friends," Sofia says offhandedly.

Steve cleats his throat awkwardly. "Right. Uh, Steve Rogers, James Barnes, Timothy Dugan, Jim Morita, Gabriel Jones, James Montgomery Falsworth, and Jacques Dernier," Steve reiterates after Sofia's let's out little "uh huhs."

"Why were the Howling Commandos formed?" Sofia asks next. 

"To eliminate and wipe HYDRA bases off the map; although it seems we weren't very successful," Steve says with a frown and I see his eyes flash towards the rear view mirror, to look at Bucky, I'm assuming.

"Who did the Commandos capture during a raid in the Alps?" 

"Arnim Zola." 

There was a pause and I couldn't help but look over at Bucky who almost looked startled that he had spoken.

"Who was that?" Sofia asks a moment later. 

"Oh, uh, Sofia, that was Bucky," I say, my voice cracking at his name. Sofia stays quiet. I check my phone and see the phone was still connected. 

"Bucky?" Sofia asks, sounding doubtful.  "As in Stevie's Bucky?" 

I feel Bucky almost stiffen in surprise next to me. "Yeah, that would be him," I confirm. 

Sofia stays quiet for a few beats again before clearing her throat. "Right, well when do you think you guys are gonna be home? I hate all of this cooking I've gotta do now that you guys are gone, not that either of you were chef's," Sofia complains. 

"I'm not sure, kiddo," Steve chirps from in front of me. I lean my elbows onto the front seat and rest my head near his shoulder. "We've got something really important to take care of." 

"Okay, well stay safe, and don't do anything stupid; Sam, keep them in line," Sofia says with a laugh.

"Will do, Half Pint," Sam promises.

"Well, I'll talk to you guys later. And it was nice to meet you Bucky," she says. 

Bucky doesn't respond, but the rest of us say goodbye before I hang up. 

"Thanks, Steve," I say, clapping my hands over Steve's shoulders. 

"Anytime; I don't mind helping the kid out," Steve says. 

I ruffle Steve's hair before leaning back and laughing. Bucky was looking between Steve and I with confusion written all over his face.

"So the kid?" Bucky asks, his eyes resting on Steve for a moment before looking at me.

"Yeah, she's great," Steve says excitedly and flashes Bucky a smile. 

"She's my sister," I say and look down to see Sofia had texted me. 

I forgot to ask while on the phone but could you ask Steve if I can look through some of his stuff that the museum let him have back?

"Hey Steve, can she look through the stuff the Smithsonian gave back to you? She didn't say what for though," I ask. 

"Yeah, no problem, tell her I've got stuff in the chest at the end of the bed."

"Cool cool, thanks," I say and pass the information onto Sofia. 

"Not a problem," Steve says as he takes the off ramp and turns left. "Sharon's just up here," he points out a black car that was pulled over under the bridge. 

Steve pulls over and ducks out of the car and greets Sharon with a smile. 

Bucky sits up and looks out the front window, eyes flickering across the background, scanning the surrounding area. Bucky's knees hit the back of Sam's seat and he glares at the back of Sam's head. 

"Can you move your seat up?" He asks for probably the 100th time this trip, sounding bored.

"No," Sam replies once again. 

I roll my eyes and squish myself against the window. "Scoot over here more," I offer, pointing towards the leg room that I've got behind Steve's seat. 

"Thanks," Bucky mumbles and scoots over so his arm is pressed against mine. It was quiet while we watched Steve and Sharon talk as she popped her trunk. "So," Bucky starts quietly, trying to exclude Sam from the conversation. "How long have you and Steve been together?" 

Sam, of course, hears and snorts out a laugh, having to hold onto the door for support. 

I felt my face flush and I reach over the seat to smack Sam across the side of his head. "Shut up, bird brain. Steve and I aren't together though," I say, turning to look at Bucky who looked embarrassed. 

"Sorry, I just assumed…" Bucky apologizes. 

"Nah, it's okay, everyone apparently thinks the same thing," I say with a shrug. "Steve's like a brother to me. Plus right now he's not swinging this way."

Bucky's eyebrows shoot up as he looks at me with wide eyes. "So like, he's..?"

"Gay? Yeah, basically. He still likes women, but he's actually with my brother, Graham," I say, pulling up a picture of Graham, Steve, Sofia, and I on my phone. Tony insisted on us having more family pictures even though we were the least conventional family on the planet.

"So being… a homosexual," Bucky says, almost sounding like the term was weird coming off his tongue. "That's openly okay now? I don't mind, but the 30s really pressed people down, so I didn't think Steve… at least I think, from what I remember," Bucky trails off and looks out to see Steve giving Sharon a hug before grabbing the gear from the trunk. 

"He was hard on himself at first," I say, remembering how weird Steve would act whenever Graham would say something to try and test the waters. "I think knowing and befriending Graham really helped him a lot, seeing that it's not a mental illness, that you wouldn't be imprisoned or institutionalized for it."

Bucky still looks at Steve, but there was a small smile crooked at the corner of his mouth and his eyes seemed fond. 

"I'm happy for him," is all Bucky says in reply.  

"So am I," I say, patting Bucky's forearm with my hand. "So am I." 

11. How many stories have you written so far?

Well I've only ever completed 1, (excluding oneshots) but I've got... at leave 7 going, a few that I've discontinued, and a shit ton of ideas that haven't been written yet 😂

12. What's your favourite thing that you ever wrote?

Well I'm honestly so proud of my Beauty and the Beast Lashton fanfic that I wrote and the only one I've ever finished. But I'm also sooo proud of 2 WIPs that I'm writing with the lovely asker

13. How many chapters does your longest series have?

I dont have any series yet, but my longest fic has like 200,000 words and no distinctive chapters yet (writing specific scenes then gluing them together)

14. What's your favourite character/person to write for?

I only really write Lashton or Stucky but I'm my cowritten books I have an OC be with Ashton Irwin and Bucky Barnes because DAMN they are kweens

15. "OCs" or "Reader" inserts?

I personally like writing OCs but I've been getting into readers lately

16. Can you tell us anything about your current WIP?

I suppose, but asker already knows since she's helping me write it 😂 it's a Marvel fic about these two girls and their brother who lose their parents in the Battle of New York in 2012. Brother is working for Stark Industries already when Steve asks my OC to join the Avengers but my OC and her brother keep that a secret from their younger sister (my friends OC). That's enough for now tho 😘

17. How long was the longest fic you ever wrote?

Question 13 kinda answered this question but its 200,000ish and growing

18. What fandoms do you write for?

Marvel and 5sos mainly, but I used to do Supernatural back in like 2015/2016. I also dabble in Shadowhunter stuff too

19. What is/are your favourite fandom author/authors?

Well the asker is such an amazing writer I love her work, um, @Larry_Lashton on Wattpad is good, @moonstruckbucky and @sunmoonandbucky are phenomenal

20. Have you ever written an AU?

That's basically all I write; I've only got one original piece and not many are real to whatever reality.

21. What is your favourite AU trope?

I have a weakness for Professor Seb/Bucky and I love stucky (and StuckyxReaders) so if you know of any hmu 😉

22. A fanfiction trope you can't help but love?

ENEMIES TO LOVERS FUCK

23. For how long have you been a fandom writer?

Shortly after I started writing, so like 2015?

24. Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it?

Absolutely! I usually loosely plot out the whole thing and try and hit the main points but by like... 1/4 or 1/2 way through depending on how long it is I'm like fuck I totally forgot I was going to add that (and by then it wouldn't make sense to add it in)

25. What do you do to motivate yourself to write?

Listen to music, but I also read what I've got to help myself get back into the flow of the story.

26. How did you find out you like to write?

Like I said it was 8th grade and my english teacher showed me this new side of reading that I didnt know about and then I was like fuck I can do this too!

27. Are there any writers (fanfiction writers or not) that have inspired you to start writing?

Well I used to only read the Twilight series, but then I read Cassandra Clare's books, and the it sorta branched out from there, so Stephanie Meyer and Cassandra Clare are who you should thank for that 😂

28. What's your favourite fandom to write for?

Does Stucky count as it's own fandom? Because that ship sails itself man #ExceptEndgame #FuckingSucked

29. Describe your style in three words.

Um... smutty... gay.... fluffy?

30. What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written?

Well I've got one on Wattpad with almost 20k but it's a continuation of a story that has like 300k, otherwise most of my other ones on there have 4k actually.

31. Blurbs or drabbles?

Both are great, dudes 🤷‍♀️

32. Have you ever written smut?

33. How long does it usually take you to write?

Used to be I could get like 20 chapters (decently long ones too) in about 8 months but now I'm not really posting anything and I'm slowly working on a current WIP

34. What's your favourite font to use when writing?

Ariel, size 11, 1.15 line spacing. Veranda is a nice font too though

35. What do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics?

I like long ones man; but I either write forever long ones or oneshots 😂

36. How do you keep yourself inspired? Seeing new things, listening to new music. Sleeping?

37. Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted it anyway?

I don't think so. I mean I've posted stuff that I wasn't excited about, but I don't think I've ever hated anything I've written

38. What's your "strong suit" as a writer?

My OCD with punctuation and formatting?

39. What's your favourite trope?

Friends who are oblivious to the other persons feelings so they dont ever make a move until they're drunk 🤷‍♀️ *40s Stucky bonus*

40. How many likes does your fics usually get?

300 for 4k reads on Wattpad

41. Have you ever used a prompt?

Absolutely! Sometimes you just need a little help and there ain't nothing wrong with that!

42. What is your weakness as a writer?

I am obsessed with the small details that nobody cares about (especially height comparisons) but I think that comes from my artistical side.

43. Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you wrote?

Oh absolutely, all the fucking time!

44. Have you ever done a collab with another writer?

Yes! Only 1 other writer who is also the asker 😘😘

45. One thing you love about fanfiction?

I think it's an amazing thing to write because people already have deep connections with the characters so you dont have to waste the first part telling their story (unless it's an AU, but even then it's totally okay to just jump right into it!)

46. What's your favourite emotion to cause your readers?

I definitely enjoy leaving them on the edge of their seats, but I also love writing fluffy scenes that make peoples hearts flutter

47. What's your favourite thing about writing?

The creativity and ability to create a reality! There's endless possibilities and that's so fascinating and amazing to me

48. Do you post your writing on other platforms? I only post on Wattpad, but I have thought about posting things on tumblr too! Thoughts?

49. What app/apps do you use to write?

Either google docs or just in Wattpad itself

50. One thing you don't like about fanfiction?

Some people get the characters totally wrong personality wise and that sorta bugs me when reading because I get confused

51. Least favourite trope?

Coffee shop AUs are a little boring unless somebody brings something new to the table (like one of them is a vampire or witch or single parent instead of just like OH this barista/customer is cute). But if I come across a coffee shop AU I'm not going to NOT read it, you know?

52. Favourite words to use when writing?

No? I mean I know everyone's writing is different and unique to the person but I don't think I have any favourites.

53. Least favourite words?

When writing straight smut I get uncomfortable with certain words people use to describe the female anatomy other then that no 🤷‍♀️

54. Do you usually like what you write?

Yeah! And if I don't, I'll change it until I like it before posting it 😂

thank you @scaryaryanna for the lovely ask and thank you to anybody who stuck around to read everything ❤❤❤❤❤

[alien-origins]

ok so I haven't been feeling that the arrangement/relationship was giving much bc it was a purely sexual thing and I was getting bored and low key disgusted.

and like when we met we both agreed for this to be no strings attached bc neither wanted a gf/bf. however I noticed like a year in he was catching feelings because he said "would you like to be exclusive?" and I asked what he meant and he said "that we only have sex with each other" and I said that I didn't know.

cut to like a few months later my sex drive goes down and I don't want to meet up bc it's just for sex and I tell him I'm not really wanting to do anything and he's like "oh but we can hang out still", but hanging out with him is literally sitting in his bed playing video games which isn't interesting or fun for me or watching a movie and have him dry hump me and tell me he wants me to which I get annoyed at because I EXPLICITLY said I didn't want to do anything.

and I also need to mention other things that annoyed me with him. every time in the morning I wanted to leave I always had to like come up with something like a "plan" so I had somewhere else to be and couldn't stay because dude I want to enjoy my weekend. and every time I was like "well o gotta go" and he said "it only takes 6 minutes to the train from here" but like I have smaller legs than you, want to have an extra 5 min in case and I HAVE ANXIETY which I've told him so I need extra time or I'll literally panic. so I almost missed the train several times because he would sometimes refuse to let me get up from bed and I was clearly annoyed at him like this isn't funny and idk why he thinks I'd want to miss my train bc then I'd have to wait 30 min for my bus.

time management. I'm the person that gets to class 20 min early. Gets up 2-3h before I need to leave the house and make sure I have n extra 20-30 min of I'm going to find a new place. this dude was more of a "few seconds before" type of person which gave me anxiety and just felt disrespectful of my time when HE decided time and then never managed to meet me in time. even if 90% of the time he just had to walk down to the lobby door of his apartment to get me on he'd be 10-15 min late.

however I think what was the breaking point for my tolerance was when we decided to watch captain marvel in theatres. I said I'd like to eat before and he was like "sounds good, the movie starts 21.30 so we can meet 20.35 and eat" and I'm like, weird time but okay. and I arrive 10 min early to the mall we're gonna eat at (where they also have the theatre) and I tell him I'm there. 20-30min later I get a text that says "I'll be a little late" and I'm like okaybim in the lobby. he comes through the doors 20 minutes before the movie starts and then is like "so what do you want to eat?" and I say "do we really have time for that" I'm annoyance and he's like sure we do and I'm like....sure....so we have Lebanese food but I can't eat quickly because of my anxiety and past ed so I eat half and put the rest of the shworma in my bag for later. then he wanted to go to another store to buy drinks with like 3 min left until it started. RIGHT OMG when we got there FORTY MINUTES LATE he wants to go say hi to a friend who works in a store there LIKE???!!???????

and onto kinks. he noticed me posting pics of kris wu sometimes going "omg daddy choke me😩😩" as we know I do, and he's like "you're into that?" and I'm like yea, thinking about choking. and then he asks about what I mean with daddy and I explain that's like "he's hot" it's a term used for hot men and he's like "you can call me daddy😏". and me, who only have like 5 names on my daddy list is laughing internally but I'm like whatever, sure.

next time I get to his house he asks me to call him daddy mid sex and I'm like ok??? and I do and there was nothing more to it. like 2-3 times later he goes full dd/lg and oh my gOd was it disturbing. he said stuff like "cum for daddy", "you have to keep quiet or your mom will hear" etc. and I said I didn't like talking during sex prior to this AAAAAND I TOLD HIM ABOUT MY VERY BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAD so this made me nauseous and I told him I didn't like talking like that during sex. i don't even remember his response but he did it like 2-3 more times before he stopped but like omg I felt so uncomfortable. he kept asking what kinks I had and I said I enjoy hair pulling, choking, being restrained and roughhoused but idk why he translated it into dd/lg.

I had told him vulnerable things about myself that he didn't understand like my anxiety, issues with my period pain, my relationship with my dad and some things about sugar babying. and he really thought he could fix all these things.

third thing. he sent me links to oils, meditation methods and other "natural" ways of getting rid of period pains. and I tell him thank you but if this worked I'd know already. and he's like "but it works for some" and I'm like I'm not saying it isn't, it's just the fact that I almost got immune to strong pain killers specifically made for cramps so rubbing some lavender oil on my vulva won't do shit boy.

fourth. I get that he was probably trying to be nice and give me compliments and I told him I was insecure about my tits because they're not that big. they're a size AA and A on food days I guess. but he said every time that my boobs had gotten bigger like, I'd have a F cup at this point if they actually were getting bigger and he noticed it every time. then however he started saying "your ass had gotten bigger" and it made me feel so selfcouncious. he KNEW about my ed and he KNEW I was still having issues with it so I don't understand why that comment was necessary???? I spiraled after hearing those comments and almost started dieting and skipping meals again because of those comments. and I know it's in and hot to have a big ass rn but o don't want one, love em on other people but I don't want one bc o feelnotd be disproportionate with my small chest and I already feel so uncomfortable sometimes with not being curvy and like it messes me up ......

and just being treated like a sex object in general. sure it was a sexual arrangement, but some respect please.....he would call me sexy even though I said I didn't like that comment bc I didn't see myself as sexy and didn't think it described me well (plus I look younger than I am so it makes me kind of uncomfortable). and saying only things about my body and how hot and sexy I am and it didn't make me feel good. ever. I don't think he ever complimented me on anything else but looks and it gets very boring after a while.

the end of it. as we know I'm in Korea rn studying and he knew this since months back and we hadn't talked since my bday in February and I avoided sc bc we almost only talked there but then I posted something and he replies around July/August and never stops writing even though I don't reply for 1-4 days. immature of me maybe but I was working a lot and didn't even think of replying bc it gave me anxiety to talk to him at this point.

then September. it's 1 month left until I leave and I have a LOT to fix before going and friends to say bye to. he says "can we meet this weekend" and I tell him I work weekends and I have other things to do almost every weekend up to when I leave and idk if I'll have time. he kept pushing again and again and I told him I didn't have time. then like a week left and he asks me to come over tonight and he knows I need to know these things I'm advance or I don't do it bc I'm not an impulsive person. and I tell him "honestly I don't think I will have the time to see you before I leave. I want to say bye to my close friends and my family" and he's like "wouldvevliked to see you one time before you leave though ://" butbi don't reply.

I talk to a few friends and they tell me to break it off but I only did it last week and BOY. I sent him a message on fb saying that I'm sorry but I don't think this kind of relationship works for me anymore, I'm not interested in it and won't be when I come back either probably and I say that I hope he understands. and he just replies "what kind of relationship is this?" and I say fwb at best. and he's like. .....well...I was hoping for more but I could sense you didn't want it.

LIKE!!!!!WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME SO WE BOTH DIDNT WASTE TIME OMG. LIKE HES AN ADULT. A FULL BLOWN ADULT. HES TURNING 30 NEXT YEAR.

but I tell him yea no I was never looking for that and we agreed on nothing more. and he's like "too bad liked your vibe" and I laughed out loud bc omg that's hilarious!!!! also fuck you. and I say sorry again and that I'm not looking for anything at all and he asks "why?" this dude has the audacity to ask WHY I don't want to suck his dick and I'm trying to be nice about it but I said "do I need more of an explanation than that I don't want to?" and he's like no, but hmu if you change your mind. he also said he wasn't looking for a normal relationship, he wanted something between fwb and a real relationship whatever that means and like ugh I'm so tired....

In conclusion I hate men and I removed him from sc and fb.

[serpvntines-blog]

* // was that really ADAIR CAVENDISH? it’s been a long time since that PUREBLOOD wore the SLYTHERIN colours around the halls of hogwarts. i suppose the whispers of muggle borns swearing they saw MILENA TSCHARNTKE were about them, which does make more sense. so tell me, is it true she works as a SECRETARY AT THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC? i suppose there’s no better way to make the most of their AMBITIOUS and CUT-THROAT nature. funny how time flies, i remember our first day and hogwarts and now they’re NINETEEN years old.

what up, i’m britt, i’m not nineteen and i never fucking learned how to do an intro ! kia ora koutou, ya girl is late to the game as always but i am super excited to be here, this place looks incredible, props to the admins bc  🔥 🔥 🔥, i suck at intros good god but i’m gonna try my best. under the cut there’s some info on my little evil babe. please feel free to hmu for plotting, i promise i’m nice and to those who already have --- i’m gonna reply asap. i’m also on discord at britty is shitty#6471 but otherwise just hit the like button and i’ll come to you !

* // about

adair has been my brain child for so so long, but this is my first time actually playing her in a rp !

tbh all you really need to know is that she is a truly awful human being and just a big ol snakey snake

she was born to emerson and amelia cavendish, though not part of the sacred 28, they were strong voldemort supporters and big believers in blood purity and all that jazz. her family is relatively well-off, emerson being high up in banking at gringotts and ever since they were born, her and her older sister were absolutely spoiled, nothing but the best

though it was power and not money that the cavendishs craved the most, wanting to climb up the social ladder, their family name held to as high regard as the averys or the lestranges

they installed the same ideals into their daughters, and saw them as tools to use to climb up the social ladder, the blonde haired, blue eyed girls batting their eyelashes to get their parents to mingle in with the best. 

the wizarding war gave them this opportunity too, adair’s father’s connections allowing him to support the death eater movement --- though never anything too publicly. they were notoriously careful in covering their tracks. there was little power one could have in prison.

for the cavendishs, it was family over everything

obviously adair and her family were less than pleased with the outcome of the war, though their hope in the dark lord and what he stood for would not be distinguished. fear could and would always control the masses

as her and her sister grew up it seemed clear that the best way for them to further push their quest for power amoung the death eaters was through marriage.

adair had learnt at a young age that men were stupid and simple, big blue eyes, and the right words coming from pretty lips could get you anywhere.

on the surface she may seem sweet, she is basically the epitome of “look like an innocent flower but be the serpent under it”

very sweet seeming on the surface, but if you ever asked her to cat sit she would rob you for all you’re worth and then kill your cats throat for good measure.

basically under that facade, she's incredibly cunning and ruthless, nothing and nobody can stop her from achieving her goal and she’d like to see you try quite frankly

got a secretary job after her last year at hogwarts using her father’s connections, but she couldn’t care less about it

she cannot wait to retire from working in a couple of years and live off her husband’s money, pop out a few kids before living in luxury, sipping martinis in her fur coat for the rest of her life.

mainly uses her job as a way to get information from inside the ministry and use it in whatever way she - or her family - wishes.

her ultimate goal is to marry someone from the sacred 28, so if ur rich and still a pureblood have fun trying to get rid of her !!! she especially wants to find a better husband than her sister and before she does bc a giant superiority complex

tbh it’s truly debatable she has a heart or any morals or is even alive, the only people she cares about is her family and everyone else can die tbh

* // wanted connections

friends - would have to be as horrible as her. though she seems nice on the surface if you’re not any use to her she’s never gonna bother to get to know you, maybe some slytherin dorm mates from her time at hogwarts? or any of her socialite friends

potential marriages - anyone eligible she will sink her claws into so i’d love to see that dynamic tbh. at this point she’s more attracted to power than anything else so

former flings - probably just people she used for information, could be at the ministry or before, up to y’all tbh 

honestly im open for anything

other ideas could be people who work for her father ???? idk im tired

pls just love me and love her even tho its hard

* // extras

i have a pinterest board for an older adair here

i think that’s it??? again just hmu or like this and ill come to yall <3

[bby-calum]

Tulips - Tom Holland Imagine

request: hey hey hey :) I have an idea that I really wanna read! Can you write tom holland and co-star reader which is pretty famous but very humble and nice? Tom just sees her as a piece of meat and flirts with her shamelessly. But reader gets annoyed by it bc she really likes her? After she gives him cold shoulder he understands his mistake bc he likes her too?? <3

a/n: i am aware that tom is probably not a dick like he appears in this fic in real life but just go with the story please and thank you, also hmu with some more requests

word count: 1278

masterlist: (x)

Taking a swig from his bottle of beer, Tom eyed his co-star from the booth in the hotel function room, watching you sway to the music with your friends on the dance floor. His legs were spread wide in a cocky manner and one of his arms lay along the back of the booth, his other was bent upwards towards his mouth where the rim of his sixth bottle of beer that night rested on his bottom lip. Harrison was talking to him on his left but Tom wasn’t listening. He couldn’t stop staring at you. His eyes were fixed on you. The way your skirt was moving against your skin as you moved your hips to the beat of the dance track made Tom’s mouth water.

He’d been attracted to you since you first met on the set of your movie. You weren’t the usual type of girl Tom went for, he knew that. Usually he went for the girls he met in the club that threw themselves at him and his Hollywood movie star persona. They’d spend the night in his hotel room, he’d kick them out early in the morning, promising to phone them back. He never did. You, on the other hand, were quiet, kind and caring, one of Hollywood’s nicest stars, and you kept your distance from your co-star. There was something about you that he couldn’t quite put his finger on that made you so appealing to him. He had been trying to get you into his hotel room pretty much since the day he met you, but you knew his type, and you had promised yourself you wouldn’t fall for it. Underneath his bad boy exterior you knew he was a decent guy but he only wanted to use you, he wasn’t the relationship type.

However, you were struggling to keep the promise you had made yourself. Tom made you laugh on set, and sometimes, if he really tried hard enough, he could make you feel special. He wasn’t rude to you in what he said, but his inappropriate glances at your body whilst filming your more intimate scenes with him made you feel like a piece of meat. Yet still, late at night when the warm Los Angeles air kept you from sleeping, you found yourself thinking of him, daydreaming about what he could be like as your boyfriend, overthinking his small, and rare, acts of kindness. You tried to suppress the romantic thoughts of him but they were always there, nagging in the back of your mind.

Tom’s gaze followed you as you left your friends and went and sat at the bar to get a drink. He excused himself from Harrison’s conversation and sat on the vacant bar stool next to yours.

“Cool party, right?” Tom said. You turned to towards him. “Yeah, I guess. Didn’t think our director’s wedding would really be your scene though.” Tom shrugged in reply, taking another swig from his bottle. The bartender handed you your cocktail that you had just ordered and you handed him the cash in return, thanking him. “You never know who you might meet at these things.” Tom said, his eyes scanning the room. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “I might meet a girl to take back to my room, ya’ know, give her some good Tommy lovin’.” “Oh God, you are so vile sometimes you know?” You scoffed at his arrogance. “I’ll be leaving now.” You went to stand up from the stool but Tom put his hand on your leg, stopping you. You shot him an unimpressed look. “Actually I haven’t seen anybody worthy enough to take upstairs to my room. I’m starting to think I might have wasted my time coming here.” You knew what he was getting at. He wanted you to be his girl of the night who he’d kick out as soon as you woke up in his messy bed, naked. “You’re disgusting.” You freed yourself from his grip and found your friends who were now sat down at a table. You couldn’t believe how God awful Tom had just been. You hated yourself for ever thinking he might actually like you and not just your body or the time in bed you could give him. You downed the rest of your drink, trying to forget about him.

You didn’t see him again that night, or at all for the next week. You hadn’t had any scenes with him since before the wedding so you’d become pretty good at avoiding him on set. That was until he appeared outside your apartment one Tuesday night, a bunch of tulips in his hand, with a sorry look plastered across his face. You tried to close the door on him, but he pushed his foot in front of it just in time.

“What do you want, Tom?” “I’m sorry. I know what I said wasn’t nice.” You sighed. He sounded genuine. You opened the door once again and he handed you the tulips. You took them and invited him inside so you could set the flowers down in a vase. “I was out of order at the wedding the other night.”

“I just don’t get how you can go around treating women like that, as if they’re toys you can just play with. I find it so-” 

Tom cut you off. “Please, let me just explain.” He sat down at your dining table and you took he chair opposite him. He looked nervous. “I know you've been avoiding me this week and, well, I guess it took that to make me properly understand why I’m such a dick to you.” You sat back in the chair as Tom chewed on the inside of his cheek. “I, erm, I like you.” He mumbled quietly. “What?” you hadn’t heard him properly. “I like you,” he said a little louder. “And I know I sure have a funny way of showing it but I do. You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met. Period. Yes, I find you very attractive, but I also like you for the person you are on the inside. I never thought you would want to be with someone like me so I just pushed those feelings to one side and pretended like I didn’t care, but I do care. I care a lot.” You stared at him with wide eyes, encouraging him to continue. “I just- I just thought maybe if I slept with you I’d be done with it and I could not call you back like I do with all the other girls I’ve been attracted to in the past, and then I could forget about you. But that was a stupid idea, because you’re not that kind of girl, I know that, and I don’t want to just sleep with you. No, I want to stay up late talking with you, like the first day we met and we went and sat on Venice Beach and talked until the sun rose again the next morning. I want to take you on dates to fancy restaurants and stay at home watching crappy movies. I want to do all of it with you. I know what I said was awful, and it’s okay if you say you want me to leave. Actually, I’ll just go now. I’m sorry.” He stood up from the table, ready to leave your apartment.

“Tom wait,” you said. Your mind was in dizzy from confusion. Was he really saying all this to you? He was finally showing the decency in him that you always knew was there. “How did you know tulips were my favourite flowers?”

[puns-and-fics-has-moved]

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Hamilton

Part 3/6

<<Previous  Next>>

Pairing: jamilton (hamilton x jefferson)

Premise: modern law school au – Thomas works at the law library where Alex spends all his time.

Tags: @overrealityy @empyrealsakaki @gum-and-chips

Word Count: 1640

Warnings: cussing (if i missed anything, let me know)

a/n: thank you for all the people that have read this <3 - if you want to be tagged, hmu - there’ll probably be 3 more parts after this if all goes according to plan

p.s. i finally got an ask box up and working, so if you have requests, please send them!!! 

“How was your class?” John asked into his phone.

“Meh, boring as always. I’m gonna stay at the library for a bit,” was Alexander’s reply.

“By ‘for a bit’ do you mean until midnight?”

“Probably… sorry babe.”

“S’okay,” John shrugged, feeling a little hurt.

“Okay… I’ll see you tonight?” Alex said. John guessed he was probably anxious to get off the phone and do some work.

John laughed, picturing his boyfriend’s no doubt impatient expression. “Yeah, see you tonight. I love you.”

“You too,” Alex said quickly and hung up.

“Bye,” John said too late. He pocketed the phone and flopped down on the couch, opening his laptop.  

He quickly scanned over his article before submitting it to his boss, then he leaned back. That was all he had to do for the day. He sighed and started looking through the classifieds online. Literally nobody was hiring. John closed his laptop in frustration.

He started making himself a cup of tea, but was interrupted by his phone buzzing angrily against his thigh. He pulled it out and answered the call – it was his dad.

“H-hi dad,” John said, always nervous when it came to his father.

“How are you, son?”

“Oh, you know. I’m okay. Wh-what’s up? Why are you calling?”

“Well, I have some exciting news!”

Exciting news? John’s heart rate picked up. That could mean so many things, but what was good news for his father was often bad news for John. He would never forget the time that “exciting news” had meant his father found him a girlfriend, leading to John’s awkward coming out…

“What is it?” John asked.

“There’s a job for you at The Post and Courier! It’s full-time, it pays well, and you can come back to Charleston.”

John’s breath caught in his throat.

“What do you say, John?”

“I- I don’t know, I’ll – I guess I’ll have to talk to Alex, but – thank you!” John stuttered out.

“I don’t see why you have to talk to Alexander, John. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!

“Dad, we live together, I can’t just… never mind. Can I call you back tonight?”

“…Yes, John. But really think about this. It’s your dream job!”

“…Yeah, I know. But I gotta go,” John lied.

“Love you, kid.”

“You too,” John mumbled, hanging up.

“You too,” Alex said, quickly hanging up on John and running back to Thomas’ cart. Alexander had been following Thomas around for almost half an hour, occasionally yanking himself up onto Thomas’ book cart and being pulled around the stacks.

“Have you ever seen 500 Days of Summer?” Alex asked Thomas.

“Oh yeah! I love that movie!”

“Yeah, it’s good, I guess.”

“What do you mean, ‘I guess’? It’s the best rom-com of the decade!” Thomas protested in a whisper, placing a book on the highest shelf.

“It’s still about straight white people falling in love,” Alex countered, pushing himself up so that he was sitting on the top shelf of the cart.

“Fair enough,” Thomas conceded, laughing a little, “but at least it’s somewhat original, you know? And I like Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.”

“Yeah, they’re cute,” Alexander agreed grudgingly. “But still.”

“But still,” Thomas concurred. “Hey, don’t you have schoolwork to do?”

Alex sighed dramatically and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s beneath me.”

“Hey, move your ass,” Thomas demanded, trying to reach a book that Alex was all but sitting on. Alex sighed again and hopped off the cart, landing on his ankle sideways and stumbling forward. Thomas caught him smoothly as Alex’s head crashed into the taller man’s chest.

A little too late, Alexander pulled away, bright red. Thomas’ rock hard abs had not gone unnoticed by the shorter man. Thomas was flushed as well, and he turned away to shelve more books.

“See Alex, if you just moved a little slower, you could maybe stay upright,” Thomas said once he’d regained his composure, turning to laugh at his friend.

“Are you suggesting that I go your pace? Because falling down is better than being outpaced by turtles.”

“You’ve used turtles before, Alex, you’ve gotta come up with something more original.”

“My boyfriend likes turtles, they come to mind easily.”

Thomas froze up. Boyfriend. Right. “It’s John, right? Your boyfriend, I mean?”

Alex looked down. “Uh, yeah. John Laurens.”

“Oh! He writes for The Gargoyle, right?”

“Yeah. Wow, you actually read it? I thought no one did.”

“From time to time, yeah. He’s a good writer…” Thomas looked away awkwardly.

“Yeah…” Alex shrugged noncommittally, not wanting to discuss John with Thomas, of all people.

An awkward silence fell between them. Thomas continued to shelve books, Alex kicked himself for bringing up John. His own feelings aside, maybe Thomas wasn’t comfortable with him being bi? They’d never talked about it before. Alex kind of thought that Thomas was gay, but he couldn’t be sure.

“What about you?” Alex asked, trying to gauge the situation.

“What about me?” Thomas returned, sighing as he found a whole stack of books some law student had shoved on the wrong shelf.

“Do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Significant other?”

Thomas’ face coloured. “Um… no. There’s no one. Some people say me and my roommate are like an old married couple, but no.”

Goddammit, Alex thought. That still didn’t answer his question.

Thomas had an idea of what Alex was getting at, and so elaborated. “I dated this guy for a while a few months back, but it never really turned into anything. He just wanted someone to hook up with.”

Alex smiled a little (confirming Thomas’ suspicions), but then said, “I’ve been there. It sucks. I’m sure… someone’ll come along.”

“Yeah. Someone,” Thomas agreed, cheeks flushing.

“You know what –” Alexander began, but was cut off by his phone vibrating. “Oh, one second.”

As soon as he answered the call, his boyfriend’s frantic voice spilled through the speaker, “Babe, I need you to come home right now.”

“Are you okay? What’s wrong? What happened?” Alex anxiously demanded, his heartrate picking up.

“No, I’m fine, don’t panic. I just – I need your help with a decision. It’s a big one.”

Alexander sighed in relief. “Okay. I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”

“Thank you so much. I love you.”

“See you soon. Bye.” Alex hung up.

“Everything okay?” Thomas asked to be polite, though he’d overheard the majority of their conversation.

“Yeah, I think so. I just have to go home,” Alexander sighed. He was pretty reluctant to leave.

“I hope John’s okay.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he’s fine,” Alex said somewhat callously. “You’ll be here tomorrow?”

“No, I don’t work weekends. I’ll be here on Monday, though. Eight to close.”

“I’ll see you then,” Alex said with a big smile. He began to walk away, at a slower pace than usual, glancing back over his shoulder once or twice to see Thomas busily shelving books.

When he was only about five feet away, guilt flooding him, he asked, “But maybe I can call you?”

Thomas smiled. “Yeah, sure.” He grabbed Alex’s phone and entered his phone number.

“Thanks. Bye.” Alex ran away, leaving Thomas amused but wary. He had to get over this guy.

“I’m home!” Alex called as soon as he closed the door behind him.

John came running out of the living room and attacked his boyfriend with a hug. Alex wrapped his arms reassuringly around the man, kissing his temple.

“What’s going on?” he asked as John stepped away, still holding onto Alex’s hips.

“My dad called.”

“Oh.” Alex walked into the kitchen, grabbed himself a beer, and sat down at the kitchen table with a humph. “Okay, continue.”

John sat down at the table as well and began rambling. “He called just out of the blue you know and he told me he had exciting news, which kind of worried me, because, you know, that could mean anything. But then, like, he said there’s a job for me at a newspaper! And, like, not just any newspaper, but The Post and Courier! Like, that’s unbelievable! But, you know, I’d have to move back to Charleston, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do that, and so I told my dad that I’d have to ask you and he was like ‘why?’ and I was like, ‘cause we live together, and I told him I would call him back tonight with my answer, and then I called you and now you’re here.”

John took a gasping breath as he finished his long-winded story. Alexander was till trying to process all that had been said. He bided his time by taking a large gulp of beer.

“So…” John said, still flushed from his speech. “What do I do, babe?”

Alex’s eyes flashed up at the helpless note in his boyfriend’s voice. He took John’s freckled hand in his own. John smiled gratefully at the comforting contact.

“I need a second,” Alex said. “Still processing.”

“Sorry.”

Alexander considered all the information. In the past little while, Alex knew he hadn’t paid enough attention to John. He felt guilty about it, but at the same time, he just wasn’t feeling as excited by their relationship as he used to be. He didn’t look forward to going home, and he’d been finding it hard to say “I love you.” His mind went to Thomas as it had so often done in the past week. Maybe, if he and John were broken up – if John went to South Carolina – then he could ask Thomas out. The idea released butterflies in his stomach, and he knew what he had to do.

With a pang of sadness, Alex said, “Okay.”

“You’ve processed?” John asked, scooting forward to the edge of his seat.

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“And… I think you should take it. You should go to South Carolina.”

[guns-and-squips]

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Hamilton

Part 3/6

<<Previous  Next>>

Pairing: jamilton (hamilton x jefferson)

Premise: modern law school au – Thomas works at the law library where Alex spends all his time.

Tags: @overrealityy @empyrealsakaki @gum-and-chips

Word Count: 1640

Warnings: cussing (if i missed anything, let me know)

a/n: thank you for all the people that have read this <3 - if you want to be tagged, hmu - there’ll probably be 3 more parts after this if all goes according to plan

p.s. i finally got an ask box up and working, so if you have requests, please send them!!! 

“How was your class?” John asked into his phone.

“Meh, boring as always. I’m gonna stay at the library for a bit,” was Alexander’s reply.

“By ‘for a bit’ do you mean until midnight?”

“Probably… sorry babe.”

“S’okay,” John shrugged, feeling a little hurt.

“Okay… I’ll see you tonight?” Alex said. John guessed he was probably anxious to get off the phone and do some work.

John laughed, picturing his boyfriend’s no doubt impatient expression. “Yeah, see you tonight. I love you.”

“You too,” Alex said quickly and hung up.

“Bye,” John said too late. He pocketed the phone and flopped down on the couch, opening his laptop.  

He quickly scanned over his article before submitting it to his boss, then he leaned back. That was all he had to do for the day. He sighed and started looking through the classifieds online. Literally nobody was hiring. John closed his laptop in frustration.

He started making himself a cup of tea, but was interrupted by his phone buzzing angrily against his thigh. He pulled it out and answered the call – it was his dad.

“H-hi dad,” John said, always nervous when it came to his father.

“How are you, son?”

“Oh, you know. I’m okay. Wh-what’s up? Why are you calling?”

“Well, I have some exciting news!”

Exciting news? John’s heart rate picked up. That could mean so many things, but what was good news for his father was often bad news for John. He would never forget the time that “exciting news” had meant his father found him a girlfriend, leading to John’s awkward coming out…

“What is it?” John asked.

“There’s a job for you at The Post and Courier! It’s full-time, it pays well, and you can come back to Charleston.”

John’s breath caught in his throat.

“What do you say, John?”

“I- I don’t know, I’ll – I guess I’ll have to talk to Alex, but – thank you!” John stuttered out.

“I don’t see why you have to talk to Alexander, John. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!

“Dad, we live together, I can’t just… never mind. Can I call you back tonight?”

“…Yes, John. But really think about this. It’s your dream job!”

“…Yeah, I know. But I gotta go,” John lied.

“Love you, kid.”

“You too,” John mumbled, hanging up.

“You too,” Alex said, quickly hanging up on John and running back to Thomas’ cart. Alexander had been following Thomas around for almost half an hour, occasionally yanking himself up onto Thomas’ book cart and being pulled around the stacks.

“Have you ever seen 500 Days of Summer?” Alex asked Thomas.

“Oh yeah! I love that movie!”

“Yeah, it’s good, I guess.”

“What do you mean, ‘I guess’? It’s the best rom-com of the decade!” Thomas protested in a whisper, placing a book on the highest shelf.

“It’s still about straight white people falling in love,” Alex countered, pushing himself up so that he was sitting on the top shelf of the cart.

“Fair enough,” Thomas conceded, laughing a little, “but at least it’s somewhat original, you know? And I like Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.”

“Yeah, they’re cute,” Alexander agreed grudgingly. “But still.”

“But still,” Thomas concurred. “Hey, don’t you have schoolwork to do?”

Alex sighed dramatically and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s beneath me.”

“Hey, move your ass,” Thomas demanded, trying to reach a book that Alex was all but sitting on. Alex sighed again and hopped off the cart, landing on his ankle sideways and stumbling forward. Thomas caught him smoothly as Alex’s head crashed into the taller man’s chest.

A little too late, Alexander pulled away, bright red. Thomas’ rock hard abs had not gone unnoticed by the shorter man. Thomas was flushed as well, and he turned away to shelve more books.

“See Alex, if you just moved a little slower, you could maybe stay upright,” Thomas said once he’d regained his composure, turning to laugh at his friend.

“Are you suggesting that I go your pace? Because falling down is better than being outpaced by turtles.”

“You’ve used turtles before, Alex, you’ve gotta come up with something more original.”

“My boyfriend likes turtles, they come to mind easily.”

Thomas froze up. Boyfriend. Right. “It’s John, right? Your boyfriend, I mean?”

Alex looked down. “Uh, yeah. John Laurens.”

“Oh! He writes for The Gargoyle, right?”

“Yeah. Wow, you actually read it? I thought no one did.”

“From time to time, yeah. He’s a good writer…” Thomas looked away awkwardly.

“Yeah…” Alex shrugged noncommittally, not wanting to discuss John with Thomas, of all people.

An awkward silence fell between them. Thomas continued to shelve books, Alex kicked himself for bringing up John. His own feelings aside, maybe Thomas wasn’t comfortable with him being bi? They’d never talked about it before. Alex kind of thought that Thomas was gay, but he couldn’t be sure.

“What about you?” Alex asked, trying to gauge the situation.

“What about me?” Thomas returned, sighing as he found a whole stack of books some law student had shoved on the wrong shelf.

“Do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Significant other?”

Thomas’ face coloured. “Um… no. There’s no one. Some people say me and my roommate are like an old married couple, but no.”

Goddammit, Alex thought. That still didn’t answer his question.

Thomas had an idea of what Alex was getting at, and so elaborated. “I dated this guy for a while a few months back, but it never really turned into anything. He just wanted someone to hook up with.”

Alex smiled a little (confirming Thomas’ suspicions), but then said, “I’ve been there. It sucks. I’m sure… someone’ll come along.”

“Yeah. Someone,” Thomas agreed, cheeks flushing.

“You know what –” Alexander began, but was cut off by his phone vibrating. “Oh, one second.”

As soon as he answered the call, his boyfriend’s frantic voice spilled through the speaker, “Babe, I need you to come home right now.”

“Are you okay? What’s wrong? What happened?” Alex anxiously demanded, his heartrate picking up.

“No, I’m fine, don’t panic. I just – I need your help with a decision. It’s a big one.”

Alexander sighed in relief. “Okay. I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”

“Thank you so much. I love you.”

“See you soon. Bye.” Alex hung up.

“Everything okay?” Thomas asked to be polite, though he’d overheard the majority of their conversation.

“Yeah, I think so. I just have to go home,” Alexander sighed. He was pretty reluctant to leave.

“I hope John’s okay.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he’s fine,” Alex said somewhat callously. “You’ll be here tomorrow?”

“No, I don’t work weekends. I’ll be here on Monday, though. Eight to close.”

“I’ll see you then,” Alex said with a big smile. He began to walk away, at a slower pace than usual, glancing back over his shoulder once or twice to see Thomas busily shelving books.

When he was only about five feet away, guilt flooding him, he asked, “But maybe I can call you?”

Thomas smiled. “Yeah, sure.” He grabbed Alex’s phone and entered his phone number.

“Thanks. Bye.” Alex ran away, leaving Thomas amused but wary. He had to get over this guy.

“I’m home!” Alex called as soon as he closed the door behind him.

John came running out of the living room and attacked his boyfriend with a hug. Alex wrapped his arms reassuringly around the man, kissing his temple.

“What’s going on?” he asked as John stepped away, still holding onto Alex’s hips.

“My dad called.”

“Oh.” Alex walked into the kitchen, grabbed himself a beer, and sat down at the kitchen table with a humph. “Okay, continue.”

John sat down at the table as well and began rambling. “He called just out of the blue you know and he told me he had exciting news, which kind of worried me, because, you know, that could mean anything. But then, like, he said there’s a job for me at a newspaper! And, like, not just any newspaper, but The Post and Courier! Like, that’s unbelievable! But, you know, I’d have to move back to Charleston, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do that, and so I told my dad that I’d have to ask you and he was like ‘why?’ and I was like, ‘cause we live together, and I told him I would call him back tonight with my answer, and then I called you and now you’re here.”

John took a gasping breath as he finished his long-winded story. Alexander was till trying to process all that had been said. He bided his time by taking a large gulp of beer.

“So…” John said, still flushed from his speech. “What do I do, babe?”

Alex’s eyes flashed up at the helpless note in his boyfriend’s voice. He took John’s freckled hand in his own. John smiled gratefully at the comforting contact.

“I need a second,” Alex said. “Still processing.”

“Sorry.”

Alexander considered all the information. In the past little while, Alex knew he hadn’t paid enough attention to John. He felt guilty about it, but at the same time, he just wasn’t feeling as excited by their relationship as he used to be. He didn’t look forward to going home, and he’d been finding it hard to say “I love you.” His mind went to Thomas as it had so often done in the past week. Maybe, if he and John were broken up – if John went to South Carolina – then he could ask Thomas out. The idea released butterflies in his stomach, and he knew what he had to do.

With a pang of sadness, Alex said, “Okay.”

“You’ve processed?” John asked, scooting forward to the edge of his seat.

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“And… I think you should take it. You should go to South Carolina.”

[undeterminedintentions]

2:3:17:12:26

Eh, it’s late, but it was a late night and I’m in a good mood and I’m not super tired so I’m gonna write. We made eye contact this morning. I was studying for a Spanish test we ended up not taking, and you walked down the hall towards the cafeteria. I try not to look at you, but it’s getting easier to. I guess it doesn’t quite hurt me as bad now that I know you’re hurting too. Saying you hurting makes me feel better sounds bad, but it’s the truth. You hurt me, and I guess this is the karma for that. Feels good to know that for once I’m not the one hurting you. You hurt me and now you feel bad about it.

I hung out with my best friend tonight. I know how much I mean to her. She talks to me about a lot of stuff and I make her feel better. Been through thick and thin. She’s cried on my shoulder and I’ve always been there for her. I don’t talk to her about my problems, and she knows that I don’t want to and respects that. Best best friend I’ve ever had, dunno what I’d do without her.

I’ve come to realize that I’m an extremely jealous person. Both towards the girls I like, and my close friends. They are MINE and I don’t like sharing. It’s unbelievable how much anger I can feel towards the guys you talk to, even if I don’t know them. I HATED B. back when I was in 10th grade, but now I’ve learned that he’s a kinda cool guy. He did bad things to you and that’s horrible, but I hated him before solely because he was talking to you. I hated M. when he started talking to you. He was my best friend and I cut him off like it was nothing. He’s tried to apologize to me but I turned down his apology. I do not want to be friends with him ever again because of what he did to you. We had to clean the band room together one day last week. He had to ride in my car. Was awkward to say the least, but I made it work. He tries to talk to me now and then, but I always keep my responses minimal. Now I hate R. because he’s talking to you. Don’t know the kid, and he might be a super cool guy, but I hate him because he gets to talk to you and I don’t.

C A N W E T A L K first off, you only put 8 songs on the CD, not 9. The other I had to look up on YouTube. I made those 8 songs into a Spotify playlist so that I didn’t have to put in the CD to listen to them if I wanted to. Buuuutt the songs and the thought of you making it for me is super depressing, so I doubt I’ll listen to it much. Can we talk? Really? You ask me can we talk, but YOU don’t even ask me. You made my best friend do it, and even then it was a hidden message. Like I told my best friend tonight, it sure doesn’t look like you want to talk to me considering you’re still talking to him. Sonic was hella awkward. I started shaking as soon as I saw Justin pull up because I knew y'all were with him at the party. Dyl sent me a snap with all of y'all in it. I blamed the shaking on me being cold (which I was), but I think you pulling in really ramped up the shaking. C. was like “this is gonna be hella awkward” and I was like YEEEEEPPPPPP. And then you had the audacity to come over to my car, have me put down the window, and you talk to me best friend that’s sitting right beside me…. Ballsy. I made eye contact with you and literally gave you the biggest eye roll in my entire life. I thought my eyes were gonna get lost in the back of my head. I just don’t understand you. It’s like you’re a hypocrite. A hypocrite afraid to commit to anyone. You think I’m going to talk to you and you still continue to talk to R…… Not gonna happen. If you want to talk to me, throw him back where you found him and hmu. Until you’re willing to do that, I don’t want to talk to you. I’m not desperate. I don’t NEED to talk to you. I want to, sure. I miss you, of course. But it’s not time yet. I’m not going to make it easy on you. I’m not playing hard to get or anything, but you deserve to hurt for a little longer. If you want to talk to me, TALK TO ME. Not through my bestfriend.

You’re posting on your other account now too, trying to get my attention. Well done, it’s working, but I’m not compelled to reply to you on my main account. I can vent on here and that’s all I need. One tumblr is plenty. I only use tumblr when life isn’t super happy, when I need to repost things to tell how I feel. Now I’m writing how I feel. And this probably works even better. I’m beginning to think you don’t know about this account after all, or you would be responding to more of the stuff I’m saying (I think, anyway). Which is weird that you gave me that CD then, but I guess a lot of things are weird in life. Anyway, I had a good time with my best friend tonight. I’m in a good mood tonight. I’m not feeling depressed tonight. I’m okay with you being on my mind tonight. I need more nights like tonight.