#you can see the controller for my heating pad in the corner lol. back pain has been a total bitch past few weeks

[alxor-of-hellsite]

oh yeah don’t think i’ve posted this one yet. it’s a bit crooked but i like it like that. Sewing on the lace was surprisingly fun & it works well to fix up & project the edges.

[oinkawa-bb]

first times with oikawa, iwaizumi, akaashi, and atsumu

request: hello! your father series have me uwu ing if that makes sense lol can i rq first time nsfw with oikawa, iwa, akaashi and maybe atsumu if u feel haha

note: hello thank you hehe<33 i’ll be honest—writing about loss of virginity can oftentimes be misleading, and i hope my readers understand that this is definitely a romanticized version! but i did enjoy writing it so... here it is!  i wasn’t sure if you wanted it more fluffy or more smutty, so i did kind of a mix of both. ^^ i also changed up my headcanon format so i hope you like it<3 oikawa’s went overboard

mentions/warnings: 18+/nsfw, loss of virginity, fem!reader

☀︎—tōru oikawa

honestly, oikawa is really anxious.

he wants to make your first time something special & he feels like it’s all on him to make it good for you 🥺

he’s absolutely in awe when he sees your body in the nude for the first time, so he’s unintentionally showering you in praise the whole time.

he’ll also warm you up real good, working skillfully with his hands while continuing to murmur soft praises about how nice and wet you are for him <33

oikawa is big on praise and patience throughout because he knows it might be uncomfortable for you,,,

but he finds it really difficult not to lose control when he hears the nice whimpers you make as he’s toying with your clit

and he’s aware of how awfully hard he is when he sees the way your legs tremble and press together involuntarily as he brings you to another orgasm with just his fingers

he can’t wait, but he knows he has to control himself for your sake.

“open wide for me, princess,” oikawa coos, tapping lightly at your inner thighs with his fingers soaked in cum.

“p-please tōru, i want you,” you whine, fully aware of how desperately your cunt pulses and drips at the sight of the bulge rising in his sweatpants.

as soon as he hears those words leave your lips, oikawa’s frantically tugging at the band of his sweatpants and boxers. he aligns his hardened cock with your slit, lightly rolling your swollen clit with his nimble fingers and eliciting the sweetest noises from your lips. he knows he’s fucked (no pun intended) when he presses into you, and your pussy clenches like a chokehold around his cock. 

oikawa bites his lip hard and shuts his eyes tightly as he slowly thrusts into you. each vulgar sound that leaves your lips and each time he feels your walls wrap around him draw him closer and closer to his high.

“baby, just a little more,” oikawa grunts, the speed if his fingers against your clit picks up. you reach down to guide his fingers at the right pace, grimacing through the pain that the stretch brings but reveling in the pleasure of toru’s fingers rolling harshly at your bud. 

“i think i’m going to cum, tōru,” you whine as the knot in your stomach intensifies by the second.

“whenever you’re ready, princess,” oikawa coos, a sly grin forming on his face as he admires the expression of pure pleasure that your face wears.

☀︎—hajime iwaizumi

iwa is big. that’s all. that’s the hc.

he’s fully aware of how painful your first time with him might be, so he prepares you with extensive foreplay,,

he’s literally worshipping your body with his hands, kneading your breasts and fiddling with your hardened nipples and then running his rough hands down your waist and inner thighs,,, 🤤

by the time he reaches your clit, you’re literally already on the verge of an orgasm because you’re so new and sensitive to his touch.

iwa’s ego is boosted when he hears you cry out his name as two of his fingers dip into your wet cunt, slowly thrusting in and out and curling against your walls.

it’s not long before you reach your orgasm with your whole body quivering with pleasure,

and iwaizumi wears a hella smug smirk on his lips,,

somehow his mind just now processes that he’s your first, 

and the thought of fucking your virgin cunt sends heat rushing straight to his cock.

“baby, are you sure?” 

iwaizumi’s voice is scratchy and deep, and his eyes are glazed over with lust as he admires the view of your chest splayed out directly beneath him.

“yes, hajime, please fuck me,” you whine breathlessly, letting your arms fall back beside your head. you bite back a whimper as iwaizumi slowly stretches out your cunt. the sting is painful at first, but the slick of your arousal eases it with each movement iwaizumi makes.

your whimpers slowly turn into moans, and iwaizumi no longer needs to ask if you’re okay as he feels your walls begin to clench around his cock. 

“cum on my cock, baby, that’s right,” 

☀︎—keiji akaashi

akaashi is honored when you tell him that you want him to be your first,

so he’ll plan a really special night for you!

his bedroom is sweet n warm with dim lighting and a few candles lit, and his bedding is also nice n prepared with a towel

he’ll help undress you, and just the sight of your body leaves him speechless,,,

so he’d lightly trace his long fingers down your chest, leaving an airy almost nonexistent touch that has you squirming like crazy,,

he’s admiring every mole, scar, or birthmark that paints your body, and he’ll trace around it with his fingers,,,

but he’d especially fixate on your inner thighs, taking his sweet time before reaching your soaking wet panties and pulling them aside,

his touches are teasing, building you up at an agonizingly slow pace, watching your eyes for a reaction and only letting you come after he’s satisfied with his playtime,,,

the orgasm that he leaves you with is pleasurable beyond words, and before he knows it, you’re begging for him.

“i-i want more than your fingers, keiji, please,”

you beg so nicely with innocent eyes, cheeks flushing red because you’re unsure of how to properly ask him. but he offers you a soft smile before leaning down to press his lips against yours.

“only because you asked so sweetly,” akaashi murmurs in your ear, leaving wet kisses against your neck to distract from the pain of his cock stretching your cunt wide open. 

you let out a small cry, and akaashi’s asking if everything’s okay, so you nod and bite your lip to muffle your whimpers. but then he’s reaching down to your clit, rolling circles around it in synch with his thrusts, and the pleasure that begins to build up is euphoric.

it’s difficult to process the mixture of pleasure and pain that you’re experiencing until you feel the coil in your stomach snap. you cry out that you’re cumming, and akaashi is reassuring you with encouragement and praise, biting back his own moans.

“you’re so good, y/n, just like that,”

☀︎—atsumu miya

atsumu is so eager to please you, 

so he doesn’t get why you tense up as his wet kisses travel down your torso, 

and when he twirls his finger around the band of your panties and pulls them down, your hand presses against his head to stop him.

now he’s wondering if he did anything wrong,

but one glance at your red cheeks and he knows that you just feel kinda embarrassed !! 🥺

so he reassures you that he only wants to pleasure you, and he moves your hand to his hair, 

directing you to use his hair to move him as he circles his tongue against your clit,

soon enough, you find yourself grabbing at a thick tuft of atsumu’s hair, pulling him roughly against your dripping cunt and guiding him to your orgasm.

atsumu is licking at his lips when he lifts his head, and his expression is dazed with lust, 

and when he notices that your eyes go directly to the tent forming in his pants, he knows exactly what you want.

“tsumu, it hurts,”

there are tears in the corners of your eyes, and the stinging pain is all you can fixate on. atsumu slows his pace, reaching his hand down to fiddle with your swollen clit, giving it the attention it needs.

you can’t help but moan as the rough pads of his fingers stimulate your bud, tightening the knot in your stomach. 

“i’ve gotcha' pretty girl, but fuck, you're so tight,” atsumu groans, pressing sloppy kisses to your neck and chest as the both of you start to approach your highs. 

the sounds of your wet cunt are vulgar, but you no longer feel any embarrassment as your walls tighten around atsumu’s cock, convulsing and twitching uncontrollably.

“c'mon, pretty girl, cum for me."

[ppersonna]

make me - myg | m

strawberries on a summer evenin'. baby, you're the end of June. i want your belly and that summer feelin', getting washed away in you - watermelon sugar, harry styles

↳ summary- an ordinary sleepover with your best friend turns into anything but ordinary, thanks to your ridiculously loud neighbors above you.

↳ rating- explicit / 18+ / nc17

↳ word count- 4.4k

↳ pairing- yoongi x reader

↳ genre-  pwp lol, smut, fluff, somehow the dirtiest fluff i have ever written bc there’s some depraved shit in here

↳ warnings- penetrative sex, oral sex (m/f receiving), unprotected sex (dont...pls), dirty talk, rough sex, degrading talk, dom/sub undertones, bratty backtalk

↳ a/n- yooooo dawg this... was fun.  i hope you enjoy!!  ive been in my yoongi feels lately uwu. feel free to comment, message, dm, whatever u want babes.  i love you!

Yoongi thinks if he has to hear your upstairs neighbors fuck for another minute longer he might actually go crazy.

It’s been hours now.  The girl is screaming like a feral cat and the man is doing a terrible impression of a porn star, trying his best to talk dirty but really just calling the howling banshee awful names.  

If only his dick would be as annoyed as his brain.

He knows you’re awake next to him too.  The steady rise and fall of your breathing changed when the bad porn above you began—now it’s faint and too quick to indicate anything but your wakefulness.

“Ohhhhh oppa!” The girl above you screams.

It’s finally what breaks down the silence in your bedroom.  At her wanton sound, you and Yoongi are unable to stop yourselves from bursting into laughter.

Yoongi’s stomach hurts from laughing so hard.  Tears form at the corners of his eyes as you make the bed rumble from the force of your combined laughter.

“God, do they think that sounds hot?” You finally ask after settling down to mere giggles.

Yoongi shrugs and wipes away his tears. “Apparently.  He must like the way she sounds like a dying cat.”

His comment sends you into a spiral of laughter again, and you’re clinging to your chest as it heaves with exertion.

Yoongi is your best friend for a reason.  No one makes you laugh as hard as he does.  No one understands you the way he seems to be able to—it’s almost intuitive the way he can understand your feelings.  

You live for your weekly sleepovers.  You drink wine, watch terrible horror films, gossip about your other friend’s love lives, and fall asleep in your bed together.  It’s never been anything but blissful.

Until recently…

When your heart decided it would beat too fast around him.  When your brain decided to spin and weave stories of romance with your best friend.

Now, you can’t hardly think about anything else around the dirty blonde haired boy.  It’s overwhelming to all of your senses when you see him, feel him near you.  You want to kiss him, to love him, to tear his clothing off.

Which makes lying in your full size bed while the neighbors above you fuck and attempt to act out their wildest fantasies—badly—so much harder than usual.

“God,” Yoongi sighs and tugs the blanket up to his chin. “Does she even like it or do you think she’s faking it?”

You wrinkle your nose in disgust. “Ugh, I know I wouldn’t be into it.”

“You don’t like dirty talk?” He teases with a poke to your stomach.  It makes an eruption of nerves go off in your chest.

“Oh, no I do. But that’s not dirty talk,” you shrug. “He’s just being mean. There’s no sensuality underneath it.”

He hums and lays back down to stare at the ceiling.

“Give me an example,” he asks of you. It makes your cheeks flush red and you’re thankful for the darkness in your room to provide you cover.

“Um, well,” you cough awkwardly. “He’s saying shit like ‘you fuck anything don’t you?’ which, maybe she’s into degradation, but I’m not. Not that extreme.”  Your explanation sounds lame, but you continue anyway. “I prefer to hear things like ‘this slutty little pussy belongs to me’.  Possessive and hot at the same time without being too...uhh...hurtful.”

Yoongi feels his cock rise with piquing interest. There’s a nagging guilt about thinking of his best friend this way, and a tinge of jealousy thinking someone who isn’t him has said that to you.

He feels his throat dry up, and you wring your hands nervously on the blanket. The moaning above you doesn’t stop, and you can hear the telltale sound of flesh slapping on flesh, indicating they’ve commenced into penetration and it makes your body throb with annoyance, and with want.

There’s moments when a louder slap echoes through the room—it’s clear the man is slapping her somewhere—and she whines desperately.  Your core starts building that familiar heat, a slickness gathering you can’t stop. You press your thighs together tight and squirm as subtly as you can. You pray Yoongi doesn’t notice.  

Yoongi, however, does notice.  He breathes a sigh of relief internally knowing he’s not the only being affected by the commotion above. But he doesn’t understand the meaning behind it. For all he knows, you’re just turned on because—well, because it’s sex and it’s loud and who wouldn’t be a little turned on? You’re likely not at all aroused by him, or the thought of him. Right?

Another slap echoes through the room and you can tell by the way the girl gasps that her partner slapped her in the face.

“Damn,” you shiver.  Yoongi turns to peek at you through the darkness.

“You into that?” He asks curiously. “Face slapping?”

It’s hard to swallow for a moment—it feels like you’re trying to down a boulder.

“Uh, yeah,” you whisper. “Yeah, I like pain.”

Yoongi doesn’t reply and it makes you fear you’ve overstepped the line. You’ve gone too far off the ‘best friend’ track and the whole train is about to de-rail.

You’re opening your mouth to apologize for taking it too far when Yoongi finally speaks.

“Fuck it,” he sighs. “You want to fuck louder and establish dominance?”

The world stops turning.  You’re sure that gravity doesn’t exist anymore and the theory of relativity has been proven wrong.

Did Min mother fucking Yoongi, your best friend of over twenty years, just offer to have sex with you to...establish dominance over the neighbors above you attempting to make a cheap porn?

He’s looking at you normally, but there’s a glimmer in his eye that says more.  It says he wants you.  Your stomach twists in on itself.  There’s no way, there is no actual plausible way that the man beside you feels the same way about you as you do.

“You want to have sex with me?”

Yoongi’s cheeks turn pink and he looks away for a minute.

“I also want to date you,” he murmurs.  

If you thought the world ended before, you’re sure this is the fiery explosion that brings a new earth into life with a bang.

The noises from upstairs interrupt the romantic moment with a scream, a guttural howl from the man, and then muffled whispers and sighs.

“What do you say we keep them up all night too?” His mouth turns to a smirk as he awaits your reply.

“Yeah,” you nod as you throw the blankets off you.  “Fuck those guys, lets show them what real kinky sex looks like.”

Yoongi’s eyes turn feral as he works his eyesight down your body.  Your normal sleepwear outfit of a tank top and shorts looks like lingerie to him now and he’s salivating at the way he can see the curve of your breasts, and the press of your hard nipples against the fabric.

You’re throwing yourself onto Yoongi’s body in an instant, pinning him down to the bed and pressing your lips to his.  You waste no time in waiting for him now that you know—now that you’ve heard with your two ears that Min Yoongi not only wants to fuck you, but date you as well.   No use wasting any more time—the time for action is now.

The kiss is hot and Yoongi’s hands falter for a moment in surprise before he’s coming to his senses and tugging at your tank top quickly to pull it off your body.  His hands feel hot on the bare skin of your back, rubbing at your spine and up to your shoulders.  It makes you shiver, and you slide your tongue into his mouth to explore the heat inside.  

His hands navigate forward to cup your breasts, fingers toying with your nipples—pinching and pulling and rolling between the pads of his fingers.  It has you keening into his touch and grinding down on his basketball-shorts-covered cock. 

Yoongi pulls away from you and pulls at a nipple harshly, which makes you gasp out loud.

“It’s real cute how you think you’re in charge right now,” he points out.  “Real fucking cute.  It’s gonna make me almost feel bad for punishing you.”

You’re sure your soul is going to leave your body at hearing your best friend’s sexy baritone voice verbalize your dirtiest fantasies.  If this is how you react now…, may God have mercy on your poor little pussy.

Yoongi thinks he’s possibly never been harder than he is right now.  His best friend, best girl, is sitting atop his boner and he’s twisting your pretty nipples so hard they’ll surely turn purple soon.  You sound so sweet when you whine, and you’re starting to whine louder as he continues the pressure on your tits.

“You thought you could take control, didn’t you?” He asks, slipping further and further into the dominant act.  He loves this, thrives off it.  He didn’t think you’d ever be into it—none of the girls he’s dated before have—and he’s thrilled he doesn’t have to hide this depraved part of himself.

You nod and bite your lip, wincing as he tugs once more on a nipple before letting go.

“Cute,” he sighs.  “But wrong.”

In an instant, he flips you two over and he feels his heart and cock swell at the sight of your sweet eyes widening at the quick change.  

“This feels better, don’t you think?” He asks.  You nod and he shakes his head.  “Answer me, baby doll.  You’re already about to get punished.  You wouldn’t want to make me not let you cum, would you?”

The fear in your eyes increases and you clear your throat to talk.

“No sir, I don’t want that.”  

Yoongi nearly moans.  Hearing you call him sir, being underneath him—it’s his wet dreams come to life.

“Then tell me,” he instructs. “Tell me you need me in charge.”

You’re dying to be a brat, really wanting to pull Yoongi completely out of his shell, show him the full extent of what he can do to you.  Plus, you really wanna give your neighbors a show—a taste of their own medicine, don’t you?

“What if I don’t want to?” You tease.

Yoongi’s grin turns wider and his eyes sparkle with knowing. He’s a through and through brat-tamer, and by the end of the night you’ll be crying for forgiveness.

“Little tease,” he growls as he leans down to latch his mouth on your abused nipple.  

You gasp out loud, and it turns into desperate mewling as his teeth nibble and pull.  You’ll be bruised up for days, surely.  He sucks hard, pulls on it roughly and bites with meaning. You just know your panties are completely soaked.

“Talking back to me, huh? You think that’s going to get you where you want to go tonight, little girl?”

He turns his attention to your other nipple, eyes peering into yours as you struggle to answer with the sizzle of pain in your breast.

“What are you gonna do about it?” You send back with a shake of your hips under him.

The growl he delivers around your nipple and the quick bite makes you yelp.

“I think I should shut that loud mouth of yours up.”

You smile in response and his fingers tug down your shorts.  You lift your hips and allow him to pull the clothing off and you’re left in your slicked up panties.

“Oh yeah?” You retort.  “You gonna shut me up with that fat cock?”

Yoongi visibly shivers. His spine tingles deliciously for minutes after the hair on his neck settles.  He’s dreamed of you like this, under him and begging to be put in your place.  And now, here you are.  And he can’t wait to make it a reality.  He’s even forgotten about the loud neighbors.  It’s now just all about you.

“I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Dirty little slut so horny to get her mouth on my cock.”

Yoongi allows a finger to trail down your clothed slit, and he outwardly groans at how wet you are.  You’re unable to hold back your whimpers of need—he’s so close to where you need him most and where you’ve dreamed of having him.

“You talk a big game for someone who’s drenched before I’ve even done anything,” Yoongi says with a smirk.

Your legs tremble as he pulls your panties to the side to expose your drenched folds. He dips a finger in and touches your clit. You moan in unison—he’s captivated by the heat and slick, you’re feeling air escape your lungs with every swirl of his finger.

“Y-Yoongi,” you whine.  He tsks and pulls his finger out.

“That’s not my name right now.” His hands start to slide your panties down and your stomach leaps with excitement.

“Sir, please.”

“Now you want to be my good girl?” He asks with a chuckle. “Where’s my mouthy little brat who wants my cock to shut her up?”

He leans back on his heels and watches you eye him. You’re nearly bursting at the seams. You’re naked while he remains completely clothed and while you’d normally feel exposed and vulnerable, all you feel is white hot heat. You’re burning for Yoongi, for him to do what you’ve dreamt he could do.

“Why don’t you show me what that sweet mouth can do?”  

He maneuvers to stand at the side of the bed, dick straining against the mesh of his shorts. He waits for you to sit up, which you wordlessly obey.  His cock is now eye level with you, and your mouth feels dry. You’ve dreamt about this dick, about what it looks like and how it would feel in your hand, inside you. The fact that you’re here now, about to find out all your secret fantasies is heady.

Your hand rubs at the straining material, over the thickness of his cock. He feels big, and you give it a squeeze which makes him hiss.

“Still being a tease,” he sighs with faux disappointment. “You’re in a precarious position to be such a little cocktease.  Might need to fuck that right out of you.”

It makes you whimper—his direct threats sounding like smooth promises going straight to your core.

“I’d like to see you try.”

Yoongi growls and grabs a bit of your hair, tugging your head back to look at him in the eyes.

“I think you should shut this fucking mouth up.”  His voice is dark, and his eyes glow with lust.

A grin pulls over your face as you gaze sweetly up at him—his hand still gripped tight in your hair.

“Make me.”

Yoongi is silent for a moment as he stares at you in wonder—his beautiful girl, so rebellious and yet so willing to comply.

“I fucking love you, you little fucking slut.”

Yoongi forces his shorts down and grips your chin, holding it hard in his hand.

“Now choke on my fucking cock.”

You open your mouth complacently and he wastes no time in shoving his entire length down your throat mercilessly.  

It’s hot. It feels like fucking heaven.  Your lips wrap around him and suction and he can feel your gag reflex straining against his tip at the back of your throat.  Yoongi thinks his entire spine is tingling with desire for you and the way you take his cock so well has his toes curling.

You didn’t even get to have a good look at Yoongi’s cock before it was shoved into your throat, but now that it’s there you don’t even need to see it to knows he is fucking thick and long. It stretches your mouth and you know your pussy will be taken to its limit when he finally buries himself inside you where he rightfully belongs.

“Can’t talk back now, can you?” He teases as he begins to fuck your throat. “Mmmm shit—, you suck my cock so fucking good.”

His words are nothing but encouragement for you and you fight back the growing discomfort in your throat and allow him to use it as he pleases.  Tears form in your eyes and slip down your face at the exertion and you soon feel his balls slap at your chin.  You’ve only fantasized of being used like this by Yoongi, and now it’s actually fucking happening.  You’ll be damned if you don’t give him the suck of a lifetime.

Yoongi thinks he’s staring into heaven as he fucks your tight mouth and watches as your eyes fill with tears.  They leak out and he knows you’re loving this just as much as he is by the palpable enthusiasm you accept his cock with.

“Look at my little brat,” he coos mockingly. “Not so big and brave now, are you?  Not with daddy’s cock wrecking your hot mouth.”

He picks up the pace and the sounds turn disgustingly lewd.  It’s a wet, slurping sound as Yoongi forces his cock in and out of your drooling mouth.  Saliva drips onto the bed below you as you take him all, never given a chance to breathe or swallow.  Yoongi takes and you selflessly give. You’d allow the man to split you in half—and you’re actively hoping he does just that tonight.

Suddenly, Yoongi is pulling out of your mouth and leaving you panting and keening for more. He grips his cock with a fist.  He strokes himself roughly and looks down at you.

“Gonna cum, baby girl. Fucking beg for it.”

Your hands grip at his thighs and you’re breathing hard to catch up on the oxygen you were denied.  But it doesn’t stop you from doing exactly as he orders.

“Please, daddy. Please cum on my face.  Let me taste your cum, I want to know what you taste like.  Cum on me.  Mark me, daddy.”

Yoongi whines and increases the speed of his pumps. His mouth falls open as he watches you pout so sweetly and wait so eagerly for his seed on your face. He wants to see your entire body covered in his cum and he plans on ensuring that happens sooner rather than later.

“My eager little bitch. Wants her daddy to mark his territory.”

You nod, tongue sticking out and wagging like a dog for his cum.

“Please, daddy.  Make me messy.”

It seems to be the secret password to Yoongi’s climax. Your desperation, your eager position, the way you beg so sweetly.  It sends him right over the edge and he cries out as his cock pulses white stripes over your pretty face.  

He wishes he could take a picture of the way his cum covers your face.  He’d make it his background photo so he could see it every day, show everyone around him the gorgeous little whore he gets to cum on every night.

“Shit, babygirl,” he groans as he attempts to catch his breath.  “Look at you.”

You smile as your tongue retreats into your mouth and you savor the drops that landed on your tongue.  Your eyes close in bliss as you enjoy the flavor, noting it tastes salty and sweet and you can’t wait to reacquaint yourself with the taste over and over again.

“Lay back,” he orders as he pushes his shorts all the way off.  

In his haste to fuck your throat, he only pushed them halfway.  He slips out of them and pulls his shirt off before he joins you on the bed.

“Let me drink this cunt.”

You whimper in agreement as you press your back in to the pillows and spread open your legs.

“Please, daddy.”

He grins as he lowers himself to lie between your legs.  He blows on it, cool air pushing over your folds chilling you.

“Fuck,” he sighs.  “Greedy little cunt wants it all, hm?”

“Yes, daddy.”

“So compliant for me now,” he whispers as he kisses your thighs. “I like it when you behave.”

He kisses in further, and soon he’s using his fingers to spread apart the folds and pressing the flat of his tongue to your clit and laving it over the aching nub.

“Holy shit,” he groans as he comes up and sucks his tongue back into his mouth.  “Sweetest little pussy.”

You can’t reply, the capability to speak has left you now.  He buries his face back into your cunt and gets to work.  His tongue starts flicking against the bundle of nerves and then dips down to fuck into your channel.  He works his tongue around you and your back arches off the bed and your heels dig into the mattress.  You seek purchase in his hair with your hands, digits gripping at the blonde locks between your thighs.  

Yoongi groans and moans into your cunt, and soon he slips two fingers in to fuck you roughly.

He pulls his lips away and licks his tongue over them to collect the slick that lingers.  His fingers maintain a quick pace and he drinks in the sight of you gasping at the stretch.

“Yeah, look at you take my fucking fingers.  Such a wanton little whore for me.”

He slides another finger in to join, then another, and it makes your cries echo loudly around the room.  He suddenly remembers the neighbors above you and smirks.  He pulls his hands from you, making you keen with desire and desperately beg for more.

“Daddy! Please, I need..” you gasp. “Need you!”

He pulls himself up to join your hips together and rolls his them against each other.  His cock rubs against your soaked pussy and he bites his lip at the feel of it getting slicked up.

“I want you to be nice and loud for me, baby girl,” he demands sweetly in your ear as he licks the shell.  He notes your shiver and smirks, before kissing your ear lightly.  “Tell those mother fuckers upstairs who’s going to take you to Hong Kong.”

“Yes, daddy,” you agree.  

It only takes the consent to leave your lips for Yoongi to spear his cock into you.  He’s not slow or gentle, he pushes it into the hilt immediately.

Yoongi meant to start a pace, to begin fucking into you mercilessly, but he’s frozen inside your tight heat.  You feel so good, so fucking tight and warm and wet for him.  It’s better than heaven, and surely better than any pussy he’s been inside before.  Maybe it’s because it’s you, and no one else.

“Fuck!” He gasps. “Holy shit I could cum right now.”

You whine and move your hips desperately.

“Fuck me daddy! Fuck me hard, please!  Use me like your little cock sleeve.”

Yoongi bites his lip and feels his cock pulse.

“Shit, you’ve got a dirty fucking mouth,” he grits. “Let’s see if you’ve got a dirty little pussy too.”

He sets a pace, desperately wills his cock not to cum yet.  He wants to fuck you senseless, until your eyes roll back in your head.  He’s gonna make sure you get off on his cock before he comes close to his end.

Yoongi grips your chin again, like he did at the beginning as he fucks into you roughly.

“Look at you take my fucking cock so deep,” he bites out.  “Your cunt is so fucking desperate for my fat cock, isn’t it? You need me to fuck some discipline into you.”

You’re nearly screaming now at the force of his thrusts.  He’s pushing all the way into you with each push and his balls smack against your ass deliciously.  You’re babbling, words unable to make sense as he fucks all the brain cells out of you.

“Dumb little cock slut,” he whispers as he leans down to suck a nipple into his mouth and bite at it before releasing it  “Little brat turns into a perfect little fuck hole for me, so fucking good for me.”

“Yes, y-y-yes baby! S-so close!”  

Yoongi’s had you near the verge since his oral, and now with his punishing pace and power in his driving hips, you’re hovering over the edge.

His hand drops down to rub at your clit, a circular motion that has you gasping and screaming his name.

“That’s fucking right,” he breathes. “Tell them, baby.  Tell them who’s got the best fucking cock.  Tell them who fills this pussy up so well.”

You’re eager to comply.

“You, daddy!  Fuck!  You feel so fucking thick in me.  I need your cum, please, please.  Cum on me.”

Yoongi feels his balls tighten impossibly--he knows he’s seconds away from an explosive orgasm.

“Cum on my cock, baby girl.  Let me feel you cream my fucking cock.  Wanna see you all over this fat dick.”

His free hand tugs at a nipple and pulls it punishingly, tugging it so far it pulls the skin around it.  Your screams light up the room, echoing and bouncing off the walls and surely traveling up to your neighbors bedroom.

“Yoongi! Fuck! I’m cumming!” You warn, a millisecond before your world crashes around you.  

Your cunt squeezes his cock so tightly that it causes his hips to stutter in their pace.  It grips him tight, angry like a squeezed fist and Yoongi feels the air get sucked out of his lungs as his climax follows directly after yours.  He didn’t even have a chance to pull out--he’s emptying his load into your womb and whining at the feeling of your pulsating walls milking every single drop greedily.

It’s several minutes later that you’re both caught up to normal breathing and resting beside each other on the bed.  The room is silent, save for little pants and breaths, and Yoongi reaches over to lace his fingers into yours and hold your hand tightly.

“You wanna date me?” He asks sweetly, as if his cum isn’t dripping out of your cunt as he speaks.  

It makes you laugh.  It’s so classically Yoongi that you can’t help but to laugh.  

“Yes, daddy, I want to date you.  I want to date you every single day.”

He pulls you into his embrace and kisses at your forehead.

“Maybe we should send your neighbors some flowers for getting us together,” he teases.

As if on cue, the all too familiar sound of skin slapping against skin and screeching moans comes from upstairs and plays through your apartment like an unwanted jukebox.

“God damn it, our plan backfired.” he grumbles. “I think we turned them on.”

You press your sticky, sweaty body against him and kiss at his lips.  Your hand sneaks down to his cock and grips it again, begging it to come back to life.

“Shall we try again, then?”

[jinkicake]

Periods Don’t Stop Nothing But A Sentence

Bokuto, Kuroo, Ushijima learn about the benefits of having sex while you’re on your period and offer their help. 

Bokuto Koutarou x Reader

Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader

Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader

For you, lovely anon~~ I wrote a majority of this at like 5 am so maybe that’s why it may sound a little crazy, hehe. (･ω･)v Also to all my loves who also experience periods, allow me to offer a great investment! A heating pad, I’ve been using the same one for years and it’s so worth it like it helps sooo much with cramps and aches. I recommend!

S M U T </3

WC- 1,974

~~~

Bokuto Koutarou 

Bokuto would not be afraid to bring this up, he wants to do whatever he can to help you~

He would never talk about having sex on your period in a gross degrading way or any way that makes you uncomfortable because Bokuto respects women

It would be so casual, like when he sees you hurting because of your cramps he would offer you an orgasm, ugh how sweet right?

And even though, who would want an orgasm during their period when they are feeling so gross and sick…. But who could say no?

Bokuto would plan this out and do it exactly the way you want to achieve the orgasm, making sure you are well-situated the entire time

Again, Bokuto would only do this if you were okay with it like poor thing just wants to make you feel better

Since he does not understand the pain and horrific feeling that comes with having a period, Bokuto wants to help you however he can and in the best way

He is such a sweet boy, please

Sex is sex, I don’t think you being on your period would make it any different for him

Expect the sweetest cuddles and shit afterward ~~~

Bokuto’s hands grip your hips gently, his thumbs caress your sides as he stares down at you. His golden eyes are full of concern and he watches your every reaction as he drags his clothed cock over your center. The simple motion has you weak, despite the layers of clothes between the two of you, you feel everything. The pleasure is immense, the tip of his cock rubs your clit in just the right way to make you close your eyes in relief.

“A-are you okay?” Bokuto whispers, not wanting to disrupt your moment. He lowers his lips to kiss your temple, the soft action is drastically different from the way his hips are moving. It’s almost sinful.

“Don’t stop,” You pant into his neck as your back arches into his chest. Your hips rise and you start to grind into him. It should be illegal, how he feels as you clutch his back. You can feel every muscle rippling under your touch, he is so warm, so hard that it makes the overall experience ten times better. His large arms make you feel so protected, so cared for, that you just want to hear him cum already. Your hands slide up his back to his hair and you fist the grey strands between your fingers. Bokuto keeps knocking his hips into yours and tries to silence his grunts, but you won’t have it. “let me hear you Koutarou.”

You tug roughly on his hair and moan loudly when he ruts against you, Bokuto leans down closer to you and braces himself on one of his elbows beside your head.

“Ah, baby you can’t just do that,” Bokuto warns and you ignore him, instead you focus on his hand that is cupping your breast. His large palm gently works the soft flesh and is sure not to be too rough with your sensitive nipples. You tilt your chin up and press your lips to Bokuto’s, moaning when he kisses you back. It’s almost as if any restraint inside your boyfriend snaps and he is straight into fucking you like he normally would. The hand on your hip holds you still as his cock grinds into your clothed core, over and over his hips continue to move. As your mouth falls open at the moans slipping past your lips, the ones that Bokuto is selfishly taking as his own, your boyfriend wastes no time in sticking his tongue in your mouth. It almost works as a gag, silencing any noises you make even as you cum in your panties.

Kuroo Tetsurou

PLS KUROO WOULD SO BE INTO IT

“Periods don’t stop nothing but a sentence babygirl” -Kuroo Tetsurou

This information would probably always be in the back of his mind every time you got your period,,,,

Kuroo would only bring it up if you brought it up because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, like push anything on you

Yeah, Kuroo would not care if you are on your period, if you’re horny and he’s horny like?? What is the issue, what is stopping you two?

As long as you’re okay with it and want it, of course, he will do whatever you desire~

Sidebar. Wait, isn’t Kuroo like in med school? Or he’s studying biology or something….. so even if he did not find it appetizing he wouldn’t care and would still do it. Biology students have seen worse already….

He supports the natural pain reliever that is solely giving you orgasms

Would he make period jokes? Lol yeah he would, but all in good fun, just to cheer you up and make you laugh~

In the end, Kuroo just wants you to be comfortable. If you feel more comfortable doing it in the shower or wherever, he would follow. He’ll treat you so delicately like he will take such good care of you~~

The warm water completely soaks you, feeling amazing against your skin as it takes away some of the aches you are facing. You’re leaning back against Kuroo’s chest as he washes your hair, his long fingers massage your scalp and the heat against your lower back almost makes you quiver.

“Tetsurou,” You call and give in to each of his touches, pressing your thighs together subconsciously.

“Hmm, what is it kitten?” Kuroo coos into your ear, lightly kissing up to your neck while massaging the shampoo throughout the bottom of your hair.

“Please fuck me.” You beg, your voice coming out breathy and you feel your boyfriend halt his fingers in your hair.

“Are you sure baby? That’s okay with you?” He asks, placing his hands on your shoulders to turn you around so he can look into your eyes. When you nod, you saw something flash in his eyes, a cocky smile lights up his face.

“Rinse your hair out, I’ll be right back,” Kuroo promises and kisses the corner of your lip before stepping out of the shower. As you stand under the showerhead, you listen as your boyfriend rummages through the cabinets. No doubt, setting up towels for after you’re all done and getting you clothes that you had forgotten to. When he comes back in front of you, you can’t help but frown at the condom he has on but your core jolts nonetheless. “how do you want it kitten?”

You back into one of the walls, hissing at the cool temperature against your shoulders. Kuroo stands on top of you and you can’t help but spread your legs as you look up at him.

“I’m just going to go for it, okay?” He checks with you once more and you nod, closing your eyes when you feel one of his arms wrap around your waist. “Look at me.” His tone is more demanding this time and you whine before opening your eyes. Kuroo is staring down at you, his lips hovering over your own and as soon as he presses them together, he slides into you. 

His moans are muffled against your lips, the feeling of your walls gripping him so tightly nearly breaks him out into a sweat. Kuroo continues to work your lips, slipping his tongue into your mouth to rub against your own.

You can already feel most of the pain diminishing as he thrusts into you, the pleasure being the only thing you can focus on.

Ushijima Wakatoshi

This sweet baby, ugh, he would find out the whole ‘benefits from having sex while on your period’ after he deeply searched the internet on ways to help you

Ushijima hates seeing his sweet love in pain, okay? He was very worried and decided to do research, mentally noting that heat can help relieve your cramps the moment he found it out

He’d bluntly bring it up, like if you’re curled on the bed in a ball, Ushijima would just sit down beside you and recite everything he remembered

“Orgasms might relieve your cramps and headaches” “Having sex can shorten your period” “It’ll help you relax and soothe your moody mind”

It might be awkward at first, like why is he bringing this up? Does he really want to have sex while you’re on your period? You’d just have to smile and nod

“I want to help you, if you’ll allow me” Ushijima would offer whatever he can to help you feel better

Personally, I don’t think he would care at all that you’re on your period. It’s just sex to him, or a means to help relieve the pain you’re facing.

He’d take full control, you don’t even have to lift a finger. Ushijima is all about YOU!

Yes, he would look up and do extensive research on what he can do to make you most comfortable and of course he would communicate with you to see what you want

Ushijima is just such a big sweetheart and would take so much care of you, even if it would be so hard for him to take it slow, hehe

“You can take one more,” Ushijima tells you as he brings the vibrator back down to your clit. “Right, my love?” He pushes when you don’t respond and even though he has the small device hovering over your clit, you can still feel the vibrations. You manage to give him a weak nod through your post-orgasm clouded mind. “No, use your words.” Ushijima continues to run one of his hands alongside your inner thigh, massaging the soft skin.

“Yes, I can. Please Wakatoshi.” You beg and Ushijima glances up at your eyes before back down at your clothed core. He nods and presses the vibrating toy against your clit, gently circling it before resting it once more.

“Orgasms can help your period become shorter.” He tells you and you furrow your brows in confusion, but still nodding at the fact. “Your cramps may lessen too, it can help you relax.”

“Umm, thanks for letting me know?” You hum and try to once again focus on his light touches along your thigh. Ushijima goes to open his mouth again but you shoot him a pointed look. “It isn’t really the best dirty talk, honey.” You smile softly and he closes his mouth, nodding in thought as he continues to hold the vibrator to your clit. You watch as his head lowers to kiss your hip, mouthing at the skin before moving his lips to your stomach, you get a vision full of brown hair. “Wakatoshi~” You breathe and your boyfriend quietly moans against your skin. He runs his nose along your hipbone before pushing one of your legs up. Ushijima stretches the other leg straight out while the other bends up with your knee facing the ceiling.

“Tell me if it gets too much.” His words fall numb on your ears because all you can focus on is the deeper stimulation on your clit. As Ushijima continues to hold the device, that looks quite tiny in his hands, he moves to rest between your thighs. Behind the vibration, you can see the way he is holding the back of your thigh and kissing along the inside of it. The sight alone nearly made you come undone.

“T-talk me through it.” You can feel it creeping but you need more, you need Ushijima so badly.

“You’re doing so good, my beautiful love.” He starts lightly, pushing the vibrator and gently applying more pressure with each of his words. “I can’t wait to eat you out until your legs are numb and then fuck you until you can’t speak. Wouldn’t you like that? I know how badly you want it but you have to be patient.” His voice is so low, rumbling deep from his chest like he is barley holding back from doing just as he described. Sadly you know he can’t, at least not for a few days.

[notcanoncompliant]

Haven’t Found a Drop (Of You)

I hit 666 followers today…so here’s a fic that doubles as a ticket to Hell lol

Wrote this all today while listening to Addict With A Pen by Twenty One Pilots on repeat.

******TW: Incest******

(Peter is 22-23, but there is a brief mention/implication of things that happened when he was 16-17)

*******************************************

“Peter.”

“Dad.”

Tony stares at his son across the expanse of dark-stained wood between them. His office feels too large and too small all at once.

Peter looks good. Great. Filled out. Healthy, older; adult in ways Tony didn’t get to see happen. A sharper jaw. Biceps that strain against the short sleeves of his t-shirt.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asks, trying for joking formality that falls flat.

His chest clenches when Peter’s lips thin.

“Maybe I just wanted to see my dad.”

It’s been a long time, Tony reminds himself. It’s been years. There’s nothing there. Nothing else. Not anymore.

“Well, you’re always welcome,” Tony says, glad it comes out smoothly when his mouth feels so dry. “My door is always open for you, you know that.”

“I thought you made it pretty clear that wasn’t the case,” Peter says tightly.

Tony clears his throat and glances away, taps his pen lightly against the edge of his desk. Thinks about continuing to pretend ignorance. It’d be terrible, but this is already terrible. This is a nightmare, a distinct reminder of how terrible of a person, of a father, Tony really is. For so many reasons.

If you believe that, why are you here in front of me?

Why are you doing this?

His gaze flickers to the framed picture beside his work surface, the one of he and Peter standing close together, his arm around his son’s shoulders while Peter grins and holds his high school diploma in front of himself.

He keeps his questions to himself. “I thought it was best,“ he finally says.

Peter’s jaw tightens. “Best for the company image, or for your personal reputation?”

And, God, that hurts. He’d never meant–Sure, what happened would have had a serious impact on both of those things, but…Peter has never been insignificant, has never been easily swept aside. It’d be simpler if he was, all of this would be so much fucking simpler if Tony had put the distance there out of cold indifference for his only child. But that hadn’t been the problem; he’d felt (feels) too much.

And he’s too fucking selfish to just…let him go.

“It was never about SI, Pete,” he says, a concession he knows he shouldn’t make, turning and facing his son head on, “Or my reputation. You know that.”

Tony can’t bring himself to regret his mistake, even as Peter looks bitterly triumphant.

“Then what was it, huh? Why else would you shut me out? Send me away?”

The taunting isn’t what gets under Tony’s skin; he’s always loved that about Peter–the challenge, the push. No, it’s the poorly-hidden desperation, the pain underneath, that spears between Tony’s ribs, needles its way into his heart.

Tony’s a coward. He tries, though, at a last ditch effort to be good, to be better than he was. To be a real father.

“Because it was best for you. Because I care about you, and I couldn’t keep–” Tony’s throat catches on the words, feels the prickle of a blush under his skin as he swallows to try and clear it.

Peter’s gaze drops to watch the movement of this throat.

It’s too much. Tony hasn’t felt this pull in so long, hasn’t felt it for anyone in years–not since you abandoned him, a nasty voice murmurs in the back of his mind–and it makes him sick with guilt.

“Don’t,” he says, the word rasping out. “Don’t look at me like that, Pete. Don’t. I’m–”

“My dad,” Peter says softly, wetting his lips. “You’re my dad.”

Tony’s heart pounds, kicking in his chest as Peter rises from his seat and comes around the desk until Tony has a full-length view of his boy’s body: the way his worn, low-slung jeans contour to his thighs, how his shirt is just a little too short, a slash of pale gold skin visible as he moves.

He shouldn’t be encouraging this, should be telling him to leave; instead, he’s turning the chair to face him.

“You were supposed to meet someone,” Tony says, and now he’s the one who sounds desperate. “You were supposed to go to school and be with someone who–who could be what you need, who could be good for you–”

He cuts off with an embarrassing, choked off sound when Peter lowers himself to the floor in front of him.

“You’re what I need,” Peter says, pushing Tony’s knees apart with slow but inexorable force. His cheek is warm when he presses it against Tony’s thigh, those long lashes meeting the tops of Peter’s cheekbones as his boy closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

And then they open and Tony can see those honey-brown irises again, staring up at him, open and pained. “You’re what I’ve always needed.”

Tony grips the armrests of his chair so hard his knuckles turn white, trying to keep from putting his hands in Peter’s hair (it looks soft, a little wild, the way it used to after long drives in Tony’s fastest cars–reminds him of finger-combing the tangles away as they lay sprawled together on the couch, Peter’s weight warm and grounding on Tony’s chest, over his hips).

“I love you,” Peter whispers, shaky and raw. Tilts his head and says it again, his breath warm through Tony’s slacks, across the steadily growing bulge.

Seeing Peter down there, with an anxious, almost shy look on his face, makes something in Tony’s chest loosen. He can remember the first time, how his little boy had been on the edge of adulthood, nervous and seventeen and staring up at him with that same look, except backed with the heat of frantic, teenage lust–

The memory shouldn’t feel as warm and sweet as it does–He can’t, he can’t, he can’t–

“Pete, sweetheart, please,” Tony begs, clinging to whatever he can–the arms of his chair, the vestiges of his self-control–but he’s not even sure what he’s begging for, not anymore. For Peter to stop, for him to keep going. For his son’s love, for his forgiveness. Tony just doesn’t know–

He inhales sharply as Peter noses at him through the fabric, rubs his face against Tony’s erection with a soft relieved sound.

Oh. Oh God.

The sheer want is heavy, heady, bleeding down Tony’s chest and into his gut, heat pooling low between his hips. He’s fully hard, knows Peter can feel it, knows that–fuck, his baby boy likes it.

“I can’t–”

“Then don’t. Just let me.”

“Peter–”

“Please, Daddy.”

And that’s just…

He gives up. He gives up, and he knows Peter sees it on his face.

“Okay,” Tony breathes. “Okay, baby…fuck, just…okay.”

He finally relents, finally, finally touches. Reaches down with a shaking hand to push Peter’s hair back off his forehead. The locks are as soft as he remembers, short chocolate waves parting between his fingers.

For as long as they’ve been apart, the act starts so unhurried, Peter pressing reverent kisses along Tony’s length through the expensive fabric, kisses that gradually turn hotter, wetter, and Tony is suddenly, wind-knocked-out-of-his-lungs grateful he wore one of his light grey suits.

By the time Peter pulls away to undo the front closure and carefully pull Tony’s cock from its confines, the material is soaked through, dark and incriminating from Peter’s attention. There’s no way Tony could walk out of his office without a shield in place, and it makes all of this feel so much worse and so much better.

He doesn’t want to hide this. He wants whatever marks Peter wants to leave him, wants to wear them like badges.

Just before Peter can take Tony’s length in his mouth, Tony makes a careful fist of those soft brown locks and tugs him back, away from his cock.

Peter stares up at him, betrayed, but wide-eyed and flushed, lips parted.

“Come here, baby,” Tony says, urging Peter to kneel fully upright, pulls him a little forward. The command is a little redundant because he leans a little ways down to meet him, but he remembers how Peter likes it, how much he wants to give Daddy what he wants.

And Daddy wants to kiss his son, his sweet boy.

“I love you, Pete,” he breathes, so close the words brush Peter’s lips. “My baby boy, my sweetheart. I love you so much.”

He presses a soft, almost chaste kiss to Peter’s slightly parted lips, reaches up to cradle the corner of his son’s jaw, trails the pad of his thumb back and forth, a light, affection brush, just to touch the somehow still-soft skin of Peter’s cheek.

Peter’s breathing hitches, and then the kiss tastes like the salt-tang of his tears.

Tony starts to pull back, alarmed, but then there are hands in his hair and Peter surges up, licks into Tony’s mouth with almost panicked need, and that’s where it snaps.

I’ll never leave you again.

The kiss turns into a thing devouring; teeth and tongues and fire and possession, like they’re trying to climb inside each other. Grabbing, pulling, tugging–

And then the air is cool on Tony’s overheated face, on his tingling, bitten-hot lips.

His confusion lasts all of maybe a second (if that) and then he’s gasping Peter’s name, a sound that comes out almost scandalized at the pressure of Peter’s mouth around the head of his cock, pressure that sinks lower and lower until his son’s throat is constricting him, pulsing around him as Peter swallows and gags himself on Tony’s length.

Tony barely manages not to buck up into the heat; it feels good, so fucking good, so perfect. He has to check, though, has to know Peter’s not doing this for the wrong reasons (what does that even mean, everything about this is wrong and awful and erotic).

“Baby, you don’t have to–fuck–push yourself so hard,” he manages, carding his fingers through Peter’s hair again. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He groans when Peter pulls most of the way off, catching his breath for a moment without taking his mouth of entirely off the tip of Tony’s cock, before he pulls back to give it a filthy open-mouthed kiss, aiming a tear-streaked, defiant look up at Tony.

“You’ve said that before.”

Again, it’s not the challenge (the deliciously rasped defiance spilling from his beautiful boy’s cock-roughened throat), but the fear, the uncertainty in his son’s eyes that makes Tony give in to himself. The words flow, relief from pressure he’s been denying for so long.

He touches Peter’s face, moves to card his fingers through his hair. Speaks softly, his chest flooded with warmth and want and completeness.  

“You want Daddy to remind you how much he wants you? How much he loves you?”

Peter shivers, presses into Tony’s palm like a cat, keeps his damp eyes focused up at his Daddy.

“Yes, please–please, Dad.”

The shame is still there, the guilt, but Tony’s gone. So far gone.

He’s been on his way to hell for a long time, began the descent when Peter was sixteen and Tony felt that first flicker of attraction to his own son. Tony’s weak and in love, and all he’d done by shipping Peter off to college was put off the inevitable.

It’s been them, Tony and Peter, father and son, through everything, through the loss of Mary when Peter was too little to really understand the forever kind of gone, through all of Peter’s childhood milestones. Tony loves his son, has always loved him, well before the shift into what they are, and he would do anything to make him happy, to make him feel good.

He leans forward, cradles the front of Peter’s throat in his palm, fingers and thumb resting over his carotids without pressing, the other hand carding fingers through Peter’s hair until he gets a good handful above the nape.

He brushes a featherlight kiss across Peter’s lips, another and another until his boy whines and tries to chase him when he pulls away. It’s the only kind of chasing Tony’s going to make Peter do, ever again.

“I’ll remind you, baby,” he murmurs, “Every day for the rest of our lives.”

*******

Everything Tag List: @silkystark, @hoeforthegays, @the-amazing-spidertwink, @starkercrossedlovers

[neo-nymph]

NCT NSFW A-Z: Taeyong

A/N: SOOOO many people were waiting for this lmao. Hope you guys enjoy im high-key worried this won’t satisfy ahahahahahah :]

Also while writing this I've rediscovered my love for Paramore. I forgot how much I love their shit it’s so good 10/10 would recommend.

A – Aftercare

S O F T I E. Acts like you’re the most valuable person in the world after. Touches his forehead to yours with his eyes closed basing in the afterglow, and opens them to gaze over you and immerse silently in his love for you. He touches you with gentle hands as if he were handling a piece of glass because he doesn’t want to irritate any part of your body that he already angered.

Keeps some bottles of water and some light snacks in the bedside table so he doesn’t have to leave you to get anything afterward. If you’re not too tired he’ll start a bath for the two of you; doesn’t give himself a second thought and spend 90% of the bath cleaning you up. Makes sure to moisturize your skin and dress you in some light clothes, probably one of his shirts and some soft panties.

B – Body part

Not so innocently obsessed with the feeling of your hands. He likes how soft and gentle they feel when you stroke the pads of your fingers along his skin or the tiny indents he can feel along his jaw when you grab his face during a kiss. Likes to hold at least one when you fuck, just to keep a little bit of the innocence and pure love he feels for you present no matter how dark or freaky things may get.

C – Cum

Doesn’t mess or play with it too much; a result of the clean freak within him. 9/10 he pushes himself as deep as he can within you when he cums because that’s where you feel the tightest and the warmest. Doesn’t care too much for cream pies or watching his cum fall out afterward, but does slightly enjoy the occasional dribble of his seed from the corner of your mouth when you suck him off.  

D – Dirty Secret

Gets off at the idea of watching you fuck one of the other members. Don’t ask me to explain why but the thought of seeing you get pounded speechless by Jaehyun or reduced to tears by Yuta’s tongue or giving Mark the suck of his life has had him palming off in the bathroom more than just a few times. Don’t be surprised when he asks if you’ve ever thought about a threesome.

E – Experience  

He’s been around. However, I don’t think his experience comes from being with a lot of partners, but more so being with one partner multiple times and perfecting the things which work best with those people. It’s given him room to improve multiple skills and learn new things/experiment and make his own tricks.

His confidence also helps as it makes all his actions, even the odd or accidental, seem like he’s done them on purpose and tricks his partner into thinking he knows more than they do. Overall, Tae knows wtf he doing and your gonna feel every bit of his knowledge round by round.  

F – Favorite Position

Missionary. You both get access to everything and it’s very kink friendly. There’s room and ease for teasing on the clit, sucking on nipples, scratching his back, wrapping his hand around your throat, and it gives room to make use of ropes and ties, vibrators, plugs, etc.

Honorable mentions is 69. He gets turned on when he’s eating you out, so having you down there to get him off while he enjoys his meal is like heaven. Bonus is being able to reach down for control and ease to fuck your throat.

G – Goofy

Very rarely. Maybe at the very beginning when things are still light and innocent, but as soon as things escalate to heated making out, all jokes and giggles are out the door. Taeyong tends to develop a very strong and intimidating persona when things get heated, so I wouldn’t expect anything less.

H – Hair

Doesn’t shave often but he will if you want him too. Doesn’t mind hair on you AT ALL. Finds it a bit sexy, whether it’s just a bit or it’s grown a while, he finds the natural aspect to be more tantalizing than one would expect.  

I – Intimacy

To me, Taeyong comes off as a VERY affectionate person. I don’t think he’d go overboard with PDA, preferring to save all his affections for his S/O for when the two of you are alone, but I also don’t believe he spares all of his affection and intimacy to be shown purely through sexual acts.

His intimacy is very soft. Gentle kisses on your temple when he wakes up in the morning, even if you’re still asleep. Tracing his fingers lightly across the expanse of whatever exposed skin of yours his fingers can reach. Lots of staring at you with soft, half-closed heart eyes when you’re sleeping or gazing off in the opposite direction, and tons of cuddle sessions with his head resting upon your chest or stomach while his hands are wrapped around your waist; he likes having you close and maintaining some sort of contact with you whenever he can.

J – Jack-Off

Not too often, mostly cause he has you and he’ll take whatever you’re willing to give him, but also because his drive isn’t super high that he felt the need to relieve his urges that often.

Most definitely has a folder filled to the brim of scandalous photos of you, whether you just looked especially good in an outfit, you’re teasing him in his clothing or some lingerie, or exposing yourself to him. Don’t think he doesn’t have videos of you fucking; there’s at least 10 and they’re all at LEAST one minute long. Probably found some way to save your voice memos in there too.

Freaky/nonconventional porn is his favorite. This can range from basic powerplay dynamics like daddy kink or petplay, to gangbangs, to heavy bdsm with tons of restraints and a crying sub with cum dripping off of their face. I’d mention some other things I can see him getting off to but I’ll abstain for the sake of some people’s sanity =].

K – Kink

Definitely power play. I know other people get caught in a debate about if Tae is a dom or sub but I don’t think he’s either or. I can honestly see him being just as turned on and getting off as the dominant OR submissive in a sexual situation. I see him as a full dom but not a full sub, as in he doesn’t follow your commands or cave into your words but rather enjoys being tortured by your actions and struggling against you. That also leads to my theory that he has a teasing kink.

Yes, he loves yanking you around by your hair when your hands are clasped together from use and the sight of looking down at your glossy eyes staring back at him as you struggle to breathe with his hand grasping your throat. But he also loves fighting against you when you bind his wrists to a chair and tease him to the point that he feels like he’s about to explode. The ghost of your lips over his skin, the tingle of the tips of your nails dragging over his chest just enough for him to feel, your slick heat gliding slow over the length of his cock drives his rage through the roof but he loves it none-the-less. You best believe you’re getting it afterwards tho, so don’t push your luck too far.

I can honestly see him being into a variety of things, like pet-play, voyeurism, pain(light), humiliation/degradation(light), breath play(light), etc.

L – Limits

Nothing with high risk or physical damage (like knife play or electricity); not one for pain other than your nails down his back or aching in his cock from edging, so you can rule out clamps from his ends. If you want something along those lines he’ll try, but I think he’d be too worried about the possibility of hurting you would turn into too much for him to handle.

M – Motivation (Turn-On)

This might seem obvious but hear me out. Skin exposure/public teasing; Say you’re sitting on the couch across the room from him in a large t-shirt going down to your knees. Some of the members are lounging around, watching t.v., talking, etc. He looks at you and watches as you slowly open your crossed legs to show him your uncovered and glistening pussy while you stare at him with an innocent gleam in your eye. Or maybe you’re walking around trying to find something one of the dreamies lost and your shirt accidentally lifts too high when you bend over to check beneath the couch. This type of stuff drives him crazy and kicks his self-control to the curb, so don’t be surprised when he comes behind you to grab a handful of your ass and question innocently if you wanted to search the bedroom with him.

Sometimes it requires no effort at all. You could be sitting silently by the window of the hotel you’re in for the night, in shorts and a satin tank top, and the glow from the sunset against the soft, exposed skin of your thighs is all it takes to wind him up.

I see this happening pretty often, and 7/10 it’s in this latter instance, coming from a romantic place. Just a little bit of some exposed skin is all it takes for him to get caught up in the memory of your soft touches and lingering kisses and how much love he has for you and BAM he’s ready for some romantic boning.

N – NO (Turn-Off)

I truly cannot think of that many super standout things. First (and I know how basic/kinda odd this is but) a mess. He can’t get it on with you in a messy place or with a messy person (hair is messy clothes are dirty that typa stuff).

Also the idea of hurting you. He can get down with some freaky stuff (cuffs, leashes, ties, whatever) but the idea of causing you some sort of ACTUAL PAIN would turn him off immediately.  

O – Oral

Giving: Taeyong loves eating pussy you can’t change my mind. Makes good use of his lips; i.e. a very generous of kissing and sucking, almost like he’s making out with you. It’s easy to tell considering how much he uses them when he talks and raps lol. Eating you out turns him on, especially when you pull really hard on his hair (que that slight pain kink). Plays with himself while he eats; if he’s lying on his stomach then he’ll grind himself against the bed. In any other position, like if you’re sitting on his face or he’s on his knees, he’ll jerk himself off with one hand and hold you in place with the other. Not much use of his fingers as this is usually a form of foreplay for him so he isn’t aiming for you to cum, just to warm you up.

Receiving: Quite vocal. “Ahh, yeah..” “Just like that baby” Sits back and watches you work with a nasty smirk. Likes the dragging feeling of the edges of your nails along his shaft and pinching subtly at his balls.  L O V E S eye contact (cause of the way your cheeks gets pink under his stare). Likes it most when he’s fucking your mouth or forcing his cock down your throat so he can see your eyes get watery and red.  

P – Place

V E R Y fond of shower sex; you’ve always looked so pretty with wet hair, but he likes the look of his fist tugging on the wet strands even better. He likes to watch the water droplets shake and fall off your ass when he’s fucking you, and how much louder the smacking of your skin is when it echoes against the closed-in vicinity.

The kitchen is fun as well. Doesn’t care if you want it from behind with one leg held up on the island, or if you want to sit on the countertop and make-out while he goes wild in your pussy. Sometimes he’ll randomly come up behind you while you’re doing dishes and yank your shorts & panties down and just raw dog you.

Q – Quickie

Like Jaehyun, they aren’t his favorite just because he likes to take his time, but if you’re bratty enough or he’s too riled up to think straight, he’ll make time and find a place for it to happen no matter where you are(office, restaurant, concert, movies). As a result, he’s focused on getting his fill and becomes quite messy and ignorant to the idea of being caught.  

R – Risk

He down for some risky business every now and then. Won’t let the risk escalate too high if he’s thinking with his head instead of his dick. As previously mentioned, if his horniness clouds his judgment he doesn’t care what the location is; he’ll take you in the seats at the back of a movie theater if he has too. If he’s thinking logically, however, his risk level is more controlled, like the restrooms at the office or a noisy and crowded restaurant where no one will notice you’re overlapping and extensive absence.  

S – Stamina

Knows how to pace himself; 3-4 rounds max.

T – Toys  

Has a collection; enough to fill two or three average sized shoe boxes under the bed. Common things like a few different colored ropes, a couple handcuffs, some vibrators (Hitachi's and pills [google it]), dildos, hand full of butt plugs. Every now and then he might buy something a little more extra (like a spreader bar or restraint set) but they end up being rarely used or set off for special occasions.

U – Unfair [Teasing/Being teased]

I explained the bulk of this in the risk section, so I’ll just re-state the obvious that since he loves to be teased, he’s gonna tease the hell out of you as revenge. Teasing from his end is dominantly pushing you closer to the edge of bliss inches at a time with movements just quick enough to provide some sort of gratification, either with his fingers on your clit of his cock moving against that spot inside you, but halting his movements moments before you explode. I don’t see him teasing very often, however. He saves it for slow times when neither of you is in a rush to get off, or when you’re being a brat.

V – Volume

Members are gonna hear him through the walls but you don’t have to worry about any complaint or concern calls from the neighbors.

What comes out of his mouth is A LOT of moaning. They’re long and drawn out from the base of his throat, making up 70% of the noise filling the room (He doesn’t even attempt to keep at a controlled volume). The other 30% is dirty talk but he keeps that nice and low, gently throwing the words past his lips and right into your ear just for you to hear them.

W – Wild Card [Author’s Choice]

Low-key has a thing for people watching. He often records your escapades (always the risky ones) for future lonely nights and has become very prideful in bragging and showing the videos to the other members. Somewhat ties into/slightly satisfies his fantasies of you getting on with another member. One night or another he might accidentally leave the door cracked enough for someone passing by to get a glimpse and pretend he doesn’t see them stop in the hallway.

X – X-Ray [Dick Size]

A little over average length (like 6 ½) but not much girth. Not skinny to the point of dissatisfaction, just not much stretch.

Y – Yearning [Sex Drive]

Average, both when home and on tour. Despite the speculation of others, or what you may have perceived from reading this, I don’t see TY as a super sexual person (in the sense that it’s a major facet of his being or has a big role in his life). While I do think things can get pretty freaky with him when the time is right, I believe for the most part he just a big softie who craves affection.

Z – Zzz [After Sex]

Takes about 30 minutes to fall asleep after getting both of you cleaned and settled.  

[ezwra]

A Hymn For Your Gods [NovaHD]

self indulgent torture lol ha ha yeet

quick warning for graphic broken bone description and weird kissing of the hostage idk

[Ao3 Link]

They’re fire and ice. Wild and unruly, cold and calculated. They’re strong apart, but together they are an unstoppable force. Aleksandr, the serbian glacier, an ethereal blue in the desert heat of LA; james, the wildfire, a rush of dry heat and energy, ruddy cheeks and tangled hair. They combine together almost perfectly, whether it be in the line of fire or tangled together under sheets with grasping hands and mouths against sweaty, blood stained skin. They would kill for each other, losing their weak grasp on their control and massacring anyone that dared hurt their counterpart.

Today was one of those days; however, they decided to use this to their advantage.

The latest man, average height with greying hair and an ugly scar on the side of his head, had caught aleks off guard, taking him down with a smoke bomb and a rusted crowbar. They had managed to capture him in the act, brett striking the man down before james could slaughter him where he stood, instead sending the vengeful man to aleks’ side. They dragged him back to a safehouse, off the grid in the middle of the desert, and tied him up securely in the basement, AC at full blast and the cold room only getting colder as night set in. The gas mask the man used is still around his neck, a crack in one of the lenses and a blood splatter across the front, and the crowbar is on the trolley a few feet away. The room is dark, dingy, water-stained lights not doing much to illuminate anything. The floor, previously tiled with white slabs, is covered with various shades of red and brown, the coppery stench still filling the room. The walls are still white, though, with the occasional splatter.

The door opens suddenly with a loud screech, hinges protesting and practically making the room shake with the harsh sound. James is the first to step in, face gloomy and stern, followed by aleks. He’s still in a bit of a state, face bruised dark up one side and an arm wrapped around his own body for support. James is still in his clothes from the job, a black tee with a leather jacket, patched up messily with amateur stitching, none of the threads matching the leather, and some blood stained jeans, faded at the knees and the seat, a loose thread hanging at the thigh. Aleks is now in more casual clothes; a pair of grey sweats with shallow pockets, phone poking out slightly, and a black vest, tattooed arms out in the open in all their bruised and bandaged glory. He’s barefoot, too, the padding of his feet against cold tile ringing out uncomfortably in the room, but he doesn't seem to care, the cold echoing his most comfortable space.

James steps forwards and pulls a second chair out, quickly returning to aleks’ side and guiding him over with a hand on the small of his back. It’s the calmest he’s been for a while, pressed close to aleks and doing his best to hide him from the man that tried to take him away- aleks settles a hand on his shoulder, smiling small and soothing, a look in his eye reading calm, he can't hurt me. James nods slow and settles the fire in his chest, quelling it to gentle embers, only there to keep his aleks warm. He settles in the seat, shifting to sit at an angle on the chair, before coaxing aleks into his lap, wrapping an arm around his waist to keep him steady and settling his chin gently on his shoulder, glaring at the man across from them.

Aleks is careful, he settles down and settles one of his hands over james’ where it rests on his stomach and wincing very slightly at the press of a warm hand against the tender flesh. He links their fingers, sighing out and rolling his shoulders before looking to the man again, eyes dark and icy as he talks, each word a sharp noise in the tense silence, “who do you work for?” The man says nothing, staring them down quietly. He’s obviously nervous, sweat beading on his brow and lip close to bleeding with how hard he’s chewing at it, fingers clutching at the arms of the chair and causing the aged wood to creak. Aleks can't help but commend his bravery, but he knows he’ll break.

They all do, eventually.

“It would be smart if you spoke now, you know. We would kill you much faster,” aleks’ voice is airy and casual, a sweet smile spreading across his face, “maybe we’d let you say goodbye to your family, too.”

The man sneers, “either way, you’ll sic your dog on me,” he gestures his head towards james, “he’s more like your bitch, with how he follows you around, a desperate boy looking for some order. Does he wear a leash when you’re alone?”

Aleks just sighs, shaking his head slow, “you think you’re so funny, don't you? No one’s laughing. First you hurt me,” james stiffens at that, arm wrapping tighter around aleks with a low growl, “then, you insult my jamie?” he strokes feather light fingers along james’ arm, nails dragging slightly against the grain of his arm hair, fingers catching slightly on the smooth scar tissue, “we can't have that, now, can we?” aleks looks back at james, eyes soft and mouth down turned into a small frown.

James shakes his head with a slow frown, leaning up and bumping his nose against aleks’ as a small act of comfort, intimacy in such a heartless room, love overflowing from the flames and into the ice, “no, we can't, doll…” he gently stands up, helping aleks with his hands on his hips and letting them linger against the pale skin before gently sitting him down, kissing his forehead with little more than a brush of lips against the sweat slicked skin, the warmth of james’ mouth sending a shudder through aleks. James strides over to the trolley carefully, boots ringing out in the small room, and studies each of the weapons carefully. They had been cultivated from many places; from traitors with fingers too fast on the trigger, from assassins with sharp tongues and even sharper knives, from hackers who were in over their heads with household objects and sheer determination. The crew decided that they shouldn't use their own tools during interrogation, during torture. As they say - you should keep business and pleasure apart.

But james can't help the rush of bliss that comes from the way the man trembles in his seat at the sight of the crowbar, the same one he had used on aleks mere hours before. His fingers wrap carefully around the rough metal, rust coming off on the pads of his fingers in reddish brown smears and flaking off to the floor. He walks back over, dragging the curve of the metal bar against the man’s cheek and reveling in the soft whimper, looking to aleks for orders, for guidance.

Aleks smiles sweetly in return, ice cracking under the heat and letting a refreshing stream of water flow, “make him hurt, my love. Hurt him like he hurt me, like he hurt you.” james’ fingers tighten around the metal and he doesn't hesitate before swinging the metal down harshly onto the man’s chest, the cry of anguish sending a low thrum of pleasure through him, deep and bassy. Aleks watches on quietly, studying his flame and watching it turn to a violent beast, the crowbar coming down over and over against the man’s body. The final strike, shattering the man’s left forearm and causing the bone to break away cleanly, breaks the man in a similar fashion.

“Fake AH! I work for Fake AH!”

Aleks hides his noise of disgust, shaking his head and standing slow. He walks over carefully, stroking over james’ arm as he passes before settling in the man’s lap, straddling him elegantly and gently bringing his hands up to the man’s neck. He strokes along the warm flesh - not warm like james, instead warm and tacky with fear and sweat and adrenaline - and croons sweetly, leaning down and pressing their heads together. The man leans into it, sobbing softly in pain as he presses eagerly into the gentle touches, craving the sweet words and tones.

This is what aleks is good at, wearing them down mentally if james can't break them physically. The ice a formidable opponent to the strong mind. Aleks brings his hands up to hold the man’s face, smiling soft and gentle as he wipes the tears away before pressing a sweet kiss to his lips, both mouths tasting of copper, yet one lined with the indescribable and addictive taste of fear. He separates slow, thumb brushing along his bottom lip and wiping some blood away, “baby, we can't have you lying, can we? That’s not very nice…”

James watches on, the fire burning stronger as he watches the man give in to aleks’ vices. Aleks is his, always has been and always will be, no matter the situation. The pleasure that comes with the man’s blatant fear, though, makes it all worth it, “n-no, please, i- uh- i'm telling the truth! I'm not lying!”

Aleks tuts, leaning in close and pressing a comforting kiss to the man’s jaw and spreading them down along the tight chords in his neck, taking a knife offered by james and smiling a little against the man’s skin, “you see, baby, i can tell you’re lying…” he gently slides his hands up the man’s shirt, unbuttoning it smoothly as he goes and pressing his palms flat to the strong chest, too smooth for his liking, not thick and hairy like his james, “the golden boy raised me up, made me who i am today, gave me my best weapon...” the first press of the knife, just the flat side, cool against his skin, “the king pin taught me to love my crew, gave me my first tattoo and held my hand though it…” he twists the knife, the blunt end creating a white line where it causes the man’s skin to strain slightly, “the vagabond and mogar taught me to control my anger, to let it fester before unleashing it, they helped me at my worst and encouraged me at my best…” he turns the blade to the sharp side, ghosting it along the man’s ribs and tracing subtle shapes, “brown man, rimmy tim, beardo… they all lead me here, they made me who i am now, and yet…” he adjusts his grip on the knife, kissing the corner of the man’s mouth with a soft sigh, “you claim you work for them. Why should i believe you?”

The man sobs desperately, quaking in his seat and using his good hand to grip the arm of the chair, “i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i don't know who they worked for, they just hired me, it was a hit, i didn't-” he gasps and goes silent when the tip of the knife, cold and sharp, presses against his neck, the knife shifting slightly with his thrumming pulse.

“Another lie.” aleks is slowly beginning to lose his patience, twisting the knife and watching the single drop of blood rise up and travel along the knife before dripping off onto the man’s pants. The ice is beginning to crack, tremors shaking the foundations, “why can't you be good for me, baby?”

All the man can do is sob and pant a breathy i'm sorry over and over, tilting his head back and squeezing his eyes shut. James watches quietly, studying aleks and the way his back bows slightly, the hand with the knife tight in its grip shaking gently, the other hand gripping the back of the man’s chair. He steps forwards, standing behind aleks and gently moving him to rest against his abdomen, settling a gentle hand on his chest with a soft hum. Aleks looks up at james quietly, letting his walls down for just a moment; he's tired, the painkillers are wearing off and he’s slowly growing breathless, but he uses that to his advantage. He leans into james’ warmth, grinning soft at the man, “baby, i know you’re sorry, we’re gonna make sure you are.” his innocent tone greatly contrasts the words that flow out, too sweet and sticky like grenadine.

For the first cut, aleks moves the blade down to the fleshy part of his abdomen and cuts slow and shallow, then bringing the knife back across the same line in a saw motion, “sing, baby. Sing a choir song for me, nice and loud…” the man grits his teeth, determined, his chest heaving as he sucks in shallow breaths.

Aleks frowns at the silence, furrowing his brows. James lets out a low snarl at this, fire licking gently at ice as he kisses aleks’ temple before stepping behind the man, threading a hand in his greying hair and tugging harshly so he faces aleks, voice sharp and foreboding, “he said sing,” james digs his thumb into the shattered bones of his left forearm and pressing the upper half down, separating the bone further before pinching the lower half, “so you’d better sing, or i’ll make sure you never fucking talk.”

The howling wail the man lets out brings a bright smile to aleks’ face, one that assures james he would do anything to never see it wiped away from his handsome face. He grips the man’s arm tighter, skin starting to split where the bone pierces through, blood trickling out before pouring out along the arm of the chair, adding fresh crimson to the dull reds and browns on the floor. Aleks watches with a hungry look, eyes meeting james’ and, despite the pain lancing through him every few moments, aleks falls even more in love with the crazed man before him.

He laughs soft, sweet like honey and just as sticky, capturing both men in front of him in a trap of bliss, “that’s it, baby, such a pretty tune…” he takes the knife away from the messy groove in his stomach, dragging it up the man’s body before slicing the skin of his chest gently, “and as much as i love it, we need the truth from you. We’re gonna continue like this until you tell the truth,” he leans forwards, mouth brushing the shell of the man’s ear, “or until you bleed out; we’re not gonna get tired, cause hurting you makes my jamie happy, and if he's happy, i'm happy…” he moves his arms around the man’s neck, dragging the knife along and creating a deep cut trailing along his shoulder and around the back of his neck.

James hums, kissing the back of aleks’ hand with a low grumble, “i'm certainly very happy…”

Aleks nods, smiling sweet against the man’s temple and shuddering at the meek whimper, “so… who do you work for?”

The man shudders, hiccuping before whispering his answer, trying his best to move his head but unable to due to the tight grip in his hair. Aleks smiles so sweet and beautiful, sighing out happily and kissing the man’s forehead before taking his face into his hands, “thank you so much, baby, now i can go rest up…” aleks stands slow, shuffling over to the trolley and placing the knife down after cleaning it off, then turning to james and shuffling closer before pecking his lips soft, hugging his neck. This is more tender, more loving and kind than with the man, more honest, “you’re free to have your fun now, jamie, m’gonna go lay down for a bit, my chest hurts…”

James nods slow, kissing aleks’ jaw soft, mouth ghosting over the mottled bruises, “you sure you don't want me with you? He can wait until tomorrow, and i don't want you alone…”

Aleks leans into the gentle touches before wincing, sighing again and nodding, “yeah, honey. You have your fun, but don't take too long,” he grins, soft and sweet, before stepping away, turning around and walking to the door. He steps out and shuts it after himself, lingering briefly to listen to the begging and pleading for mercy, then retreating off to bed for rest.

The ice is cold and the fire is hot. The ice is melted by the fire, the fire is put out by the water. They are each other’s weakness, yet they wouldn't change it for the world.

[aquarianlights]

I'm happy and sad. happy that you've been happy about your field and doing stuff. sad because imu :c

I’m sorry. :C I know. I’ve actually been so goddamn busy that I literally haven’t had time to talk to anyone except my roommates and I only talk to them because, you know, they are right here and I can talk to them while I’m doing stuff.

I love this. I absolutely love the work I’m doing. I love what I’m learning. I love the people I’m meeting. I love the connections I’m making. I can’t even begin to describe how happy I am.

The only problem is how much fucking pain I’m in every day. I was very literally in tears today even with meds in me and a heating pad on me because my fibro and ehlers danlos is so flared from overexertion. The physical pain is practically unbearable when I get home. But when I get home. . .I have just barely enough time to eat something and watch maybe one episode of something and then I have to get to work. Immediately. And if I sleep, then I have to wake up at 8am, no later, so that I can start working on stuff by AT LEAST 8:30 and leave the house by AT LEAST 10 to be on campus by AT LEAST 10:30. But, I usually just get up and get ready and then leave and do my work on campus before my first class if I’m not doing anything before that. But I’ve had a fuckton of appointments and other things going on, too.

Ie; Tomorrow? I have an appointment at 8:30. . .and then class, then I gotta stay on campus after classes to work on a bunch of stuff that’s due, then I have another appointment later in the evening and then I have to drop off some letters and run some errands and then when I get home, I have to take a shower and immediately get to work on more things. And then Friday, I formed a study group with my first and second class and we’re all meeting up in the library because we have 2 exams back to back in each class. I mean, I personally, have an exam in EVERY SINGLE CLASS Monday... but everyone in our study group has 2 exams back to back that we are all studying for on Friday. And this weekend is Pride. And I’ll be experiencing my very first Pride. And uh. . .the rest of this weekend is just hardcore fucking studying..... You have no fucking idea. And then monday is.......ugh. Doomsday. And then the week literally just...starts again with a whole bunch of other stuff due while the exams are going on and all that.

That’s just a small example of why I’ve been out of touch. That’s, uh. . . the more toned down version? I can’t even describe what my schedule was like yesterday and today. It was literal craziness and that’s why I ended up crying from pain because of the overexertion. I didn’t have time to stop. I just didn’t. And that was even with good time management skills. So I’m like. . . Ergh. Alright.

My first professor taught at Berkeley and he also went to Berkeley, so he literally started off the semester being like “If you’re not ready to learn at this pace and this level, you need to get out of my class. Now.” Four people have already dropped to this point. And I mean, there is a little note in all the syllabuses for science major science courses (ie: a bio course for sciences majors versus a regular bio course for gen ed studies) that if you find out your science course is “too hard” for you, the drop date for science major courses is a little tiny bit later than everything else because they’re apparently just ridiculously hard. Which. . .Ngl, I’m finding that out. The pace is ridiculously fast even for summer accelerated courses. I mean, I’ve been taking accelerated courses and summer courses since I turned 18. I have only taken one single summer off since I turned 18 and entered college. But uh. . .these accelerated courses are speedy compared to the “normal” level of speedy. It’s exciting and fun and makes me very happy.

The stress is a good kind of stress. It’s the stress that gets me excited and makes me smile and be in a good mood, just...ALL the time. I literally bought labels the other day and I’ve been going home and colour coding my notes to make them all pretty and stuff and agh. Doing extra things that I do NOT have time for LOL.

But uh, I mean, colour coding notes really helps. Turns out. I didn’t study at all for our first quiz, BUT since I went home and took the time to colour code the notes, the top three students ended up getting bonus points on the test for our pop quiz. Well, when the end results showed up on the board (We use an app called Kahoot which tracks the progress of each student and ranks us all as we key in our answers), I was in the top 3 of our class, so I’m getting bonus points on my exam! So turns out colour coding really pays off. I’m retaining a LOT more when I colour code versus when I don’t. I finally learned the way of studying that is right for me and I just happened upon it by accident. Lol. I guess I’m an aesthetic learning and THAT ISN’T EVEN A THING LOLOL. I guess that could be filed under visual, but it’s a very specific type of visual for me. Coz not a lot of visuals work for me. Pictures and diagrams don’t really work for me. I’m primarily kinesthetic. So saying I’m a visual learner wouldn’t be accurate. But uh... an aesthetic learner would deff be accurate. HAHA. THAT ISN’T A THING, THO. BUT I NEED IT TO BE BECAUSE IT FUCKIN’ WORKS!

Ugh. Bruh. I’m just SO. MOTHER. FUCKING. HAPPPPYYYYYYYYYY.

But.......exhausted physically. And I want to sleep for eternity. But, alas, I cannot. And I had the absolute worst fucking nightmare this morning when I finally drifted off that woke me up crying. All I remember is No Face from Spirited Away turning into Slender Man, only they were both in this weird mime-striped uniform and they were both on the wall and their heads were like... upside down and they looked like giant stringy spider-people. More spider than person. But definitely person. And they just kept staring at me and following me wherever I went and they wouldn’t fucking stop and they could hear everything I thought and I somehow knew they would punish me if I thought the wrong thing. Like a thought-crime in 1984. But it was also sort of controlling my thoughts. I was thinking my own thoughts, but it was also bending my willpower in a way. And all I remember after that is something REALLY fucked up. I remember...I think it was either my mom or my roommate holding this orange cat that almost looked like HER cat, but I somehow was distinctly aware that it wasn’t her cat and that it was this spider person’s evil familiar and that it wasn’t actually a cat. I didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t a cat. But I do remember pounding the cats head in with a hammer, but it didn’t lose the shape of a cat. But I somehow was both viewing the cat and this No Face/Slenderman/Spider creature on the wall with an upside-down head and black-and-white striped body just staring at me both at the same time. Like a two panel comic? I could see both happening. And I could feel my chest fucking caving in and my heart pounding as pink brain matter splattered out of this cat’s head and that’s when I woke up sobbing and frantically grabbing at my pillow and trying to look around at all the corners of the room and the walls and the ceiling to make sure the thing still wasn’t fucking there. I still don’t know whether the thing made me bash in the cats head or if I did that on my own, but man that was a fucked up dream and it scared me to death and every time I close my eyes I can see that fucking thing just staring at me. Silently. Just silently fucking perched on the wall up in a corner high above me. Fucking creepy.

UH ANYWAYS. I DIGRESS! I’m gonna head off to bed now coz I’m FUCKING EXHAUSTED AND IN PAIN. And I have an appointment at fucking 8:30 in the goddamn morning so... good fucking night, I hope. Ugh.......shoot me.

I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch with everyone, though. When I finally settle into this new routine, I hope it’ll be better. Gimme a few more weeks and hopefully things will be back to normal. For those of you that stick it out with me, bless you. For those of you that don’t.... [shruggy emoji].

[milkyytae]

Bad Luck~Part 11

(gif isn’t mine credit to owner)

so school started and is taking literally ALL MY WRITING TIME 

i don’t know how i managed to get this part out but i did in the end :)

i hope you enjoy it :3

(only two more to go ahhhhh my baby has grown so much kurhkjf;f,)

-4,961 words

smut/angst

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Highschool AU

~Wearing the vibrating panties and getting drunk doesn't turn out to be that bad, at least not yet..~

prologue, part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13 [final]

music rec: 

Want It With You - Sinead Harnett, spotify, x, youtube, x 

Teenage Fever - Drake,  spotify, x,  youtube, x 

If You Let Me - Sinead Harnett, spotify, x, youtube, x

I am pretty on board with listening to music while writing lately so I thought I’d share lol

You stared at the soft fabric Yoongi had given you, a lump was clearly visible from the outside. You had no idea how even managed to afford them. They were black and laced, and when you picked them up to put them on you examined once again the silicone pad and poked it sceptically. You had no idea how this was going to work, with luck maybe it wouldn’t work at all, but a small part of you wanted them to. You just couldn’t admit it. You kept thinking of how embarrassing it was going to be dancing with your friends and suddenly feeling a tingle between your legs. God forbid it to happen in front of Hobi, that was possibly the worst scenario you could imagine. He was like your brother and how awkward could cumming in front of him get? You probably would have a hard time looking him in the eyes ever again.

You finally decided to put them on in a defeated sigh and finished getting your outfit ready. Of course, you made sure to look your best, you had to at least get Yoongi a bit weak. Just for personal satisfaction and you wouldn’t mind getting a small taste of revenge. Once again Hobi was the one to pick you up, this time he was allowed to take his parents car just for the school dance. You drove while talking and laughing together already anticipating the night to come. It was always the night of the year, people would talk about it until months after, and it might have been the only party you enjoyed last year when you didn’t have Yoongi to distract you. It was kind of amusing talking to Hoseok while knowing what you had in your underwear, you had a secret and you found it oddly exciting. Possibly because you knew Yoongi was the one to have the remote, it was a strange feeling, the mix of excitement and apprehension made your insides twist and tie into a knot.

As expected the party was already going when you arrived, the glow escaping the hall was lighting your steps as you approached. The music was loud and people were singing and shouting, it really was the party of the year. You walked in only to discover a sea of people on the dancefloor moving their bodies to the music drinks in hand. You were quick to join your friends when you spotted the large group around some booze. Gracie greeted you with a dazzling smile, she was absolutely stunning as was Eva dancing wildly amongst the crowd and you felt slightly self-conscious, here was your insecure and shy self-showing up again, a shot and it should disappear. Graci and Eva were pretty much the power couple of the whole school and it intimidated you slightly. You reached for the alcohol and as you downed your burning drink you feel a strange feeling in your panties. Fuck, the soft pad was vibrating, you had barely walked in and you didn’t even know where Yoongi was. You tried to play it cool and took in a deep breath before going back to talking with everyone. Although you tried to pay attention to what Jackson was talking about it was slowly becoming impossible. Even if the vibrations weren’t going at a fast pace they were enough to get your inner thighs damp, and it was probably only the beginning there was no way Yoongi would let you off with just this small amount of torture. The heat was already growing you were fucked, that was just your luck wasn’t it? You tried searching for him in the crowd throwing in a couple of short answers and nods at whatever the others were talking about. You thought you heard a few words like “ladder” and “cactus” making the subject quite intriguing but you had other things on your mind. The room was fully lit but you had difficulties to discern the different figures from one another. You bit down on your lip, the heat of your body kept growing. Suddenly you spotted him, he arrived among the group of boys, including Taehyung and Hoseok, the popular ones. A few of them had already disappeared, they were probably making out somewhere. His eyes immediately met yours,  they flickered and his cocky grin was on full display he was obviously enjoying his control over you. He had dressed up too and you had a hard time not gawking. A well-fitted black shirt revealed the top of his chest letting your imagination do all the rest. His hair was slightly swept to both sides and you could only just discern his pale forehead, his skin glowed as a green light hit him. A small object got pulled out of his pocket discreetly, the others were talking and only you could see when his thumb pressed the obvious gold button as he bit his lip. Instantly the vibrations became more intense and you kept in your gasp at your best, you glared at him and his smile only grew larger. You could feel a small bead circle your clit electrifying you by the second. You turned your head away, after seeing his smug face you were determined not to let him get at you so easily. You took it upon yourself to ignore the toy between your legs although every inch of your body was screaming to do otherwise.

Just as you gave your attention back to your friends Jackson left to go find Fleur, sooner or later you would be able to spot them their tongues in each others mouth.

“Y/N?” Gracie called out.

You suddenly realised she had been talking to you, but you were still too concentrated on trying not to squeeze your thighs together. Fucking Min Yoongi.

“What?” you asked innocently.

“Where are you and Yoongi up to?” she repeated with a brow wiggle.

The speed went up, your muscles clenched in surprise. You could just imagine Yoongi’s face when he saw that he managed to get a slight reaction out of you when you were obviously trying to fight the vibrations. You sighed, she had to bring it up again, it pained you slightly that she thought something, most likely a relationship, would happen between the both of you. You knew the truth all too well, it would probably never happen even if there was, and would always be, a small ounce of hope that you were wrong.

“Up to nothing.” you chuckled nervously before downing another drink. “I need to go get another drink!”

You left hurriedly, you didn’t need a reminder that there was a large possibility of you never being with Yoongi in any type of relationship. Players always got with the nice girls in the movies, sadly you weren't’ in a movie. The chances of it ever happening were minuscule.  

You reached for the bottle of alcohol and poured yourself another drink, the vibrations between your legs were still going and now that you were a bit away from your friends and couldn’t see Yoongi you let yourself squeeze your legs. The pressure soothed the tingling pain slightly and you let out a small sigh of relief. The longer this was going on the more you needed some release. The stimulation was just enough to feel nice and get your desire pour in liquid form but it wasn’t enough to get an orgasm out of it, thank goodness. As you stood by the table drink in hand Yoongi walked over.

“Hey.” he muttered with a grin as he put himself beside you and let his eyes wander over the crowd. Your hairs stood on your neck when you heard his hoarse voice, it was cruel of him to come and talk to you when you were already so needy.

“Hey.” you retorted as dryly as possible you were supposed to be mad at him for putting you through this, but his presence already had your mind swerving to the next option, which was fucking him on the spot.

He looked down at your crotch knowingly, “How’s that pussy of yours tonight then?”

Your insides throbbed, you should know by now that his cocky dirty talk always had an effect on you but you still hated it slightly.

“You should know, you’re the one with the remote.” you spat and avoided his insisting stare trying your best to ignore the obvious lick of his lips in the corner of your vision.

He snickered, “I bet you’re already drenched, in fact, I know you are.” he paused and leaned in just enough for his lips to brush against your ear and whisper “I can smell you from here.”

The speed suddenly went up and you stopped yourself from letting out a small moan when the soft bud pressed against your clit with more force. You glared at him and saw his hand in his pocket where he had put the remote. His eyes sparkled when they met yours and you almost forgot what an ass he was being. You looked into each other's eyes, you really liked him, you might even have come to terms with loving him. In that moment you forgot about everything else it was just him and the pulsing desire you had growing in your pit. Surprisingly you found yourself quite close to each other, if you had enough courage you would have leaned in and kissed him passionately in front of everyone, but before you made that mistake he stepped back. The pinky finger that was grazing yours didn’t leave, it was still there although he acted like nothing was happening. He was still holding onto you very softly as if he was hoping you wouldn’t notice.

“I got to admit I am surprised you even put them on.” he admitted as the speed slowed down, you looked at him questioningly “That’s your reward for being a good girl.” he smirked.

The rest your throbbing warmth got made you able to get your mind to think more or less straight again, although his finger wrapped in yours casually as you were both pressed against the table distracted you.

“Of course I put them on.” you sighed, didn’t he know you’d do almost anything for him if the reward you got were those long stares and rough and tender touches?

He cocked his head as if asking for clarification, “I didn’t think you were that type of slut?” he chuckled.

“Only for you.” you blurted out, and your cheeks reddened slightly when you realised what you said, so you straightened up and tried your best to hide your fluster, your finger left his in a rush. You immediately regretted removing it from his soft touch but you were feeling vulnerable and it wasn’t helping. Of course, Yoongi saw straight through you. Instead of letting him comment on your reaction you spat, “Why don’t you take care of the mess you made instead of staring at me?”

He laughed but you could tell you managed to turn him on, “Careful what you say pretty girl.” and the vibrator went full speed causing all your muscles to tense out of surprise.

“Fuck..” you hissed as you squeezed your legs hoping no one would see. You downed whatever liquid there was left in your glass and hoped that it would help you overcome the desire dripping from your slit. It didn’t. He stared at you in satisfaction and all you wanted was to remove that stupid grin from his face, so you caught his hand and started to drag him away. You needed him, the lust and alcohol taking your decisions for you were the reasons for such a bold act in front of the whole school. Anyone could see you, but all that mattered then was finally feeling him. He didn’t resist you and followed obediently, the rhythm of the vibrations between your legs was not slowing down though and your centre was already pulsing. You shoved through the few groups of people in your way all dressed nice and fancy, sleek hair swept to the side and highlight on point. The only thought that left your mind was how bad you were going to mess up your lipstick when you finally got to the storage room. Yoongi’s grip around your hand was firm and that small contact of his skin against yours had immediately set you on fire. You finally reached the door after the few comments from people you pushed out the was, “rude” the had hissed but you couldn't give any fewer fucks.

You opened the door and fumbled for the light switch while Yoongi locked the room and found yourself facing him. For a couple of seconds, you looked at each other while he examined your flushed face with a grin and having had enough of his teasing you leapt against his lips. As you crashed on him the vibrations stop and you smile in between the kisses knowing very well that meant you would soon get what you want. Soon enough his bulge was pressing against your stomach, and you felt the same satisfaction as each time knowing you were the one that got him this hard. Your hands roamed around his body, you wanted to take all of him just for yourself. One finally rested on the back of his neck and the other on the bottom of his back so you could pull him further into your deep kiss. You stumbled over to an empty table and you hit the back of it quite violently. A small hiss left your lips and Yoongi looked down at you with concern before you devoured his neck signalling you were alright. His hands made their way to your hips and lifted your skirt to reveal the pair of underwear he had bought you before swiftly sliding them off. He revealed his gummy smile when seeing the juices laid on the soft fabric and as always your heart melted, he had really fucked you up.  He chucked them to the side and lifted you onto the table before spreading your legs open. You watched him place himself between them and attack your lips while managing to mutter “I’ve been waiting a while for this,” you bit down tenderly on his lip and managed to get out a quiet moan from him. His strong scent intoxicated you, his soft hair tickling your forehead sent shivers down your spine and the cold rings on his fingers touching your burning skin made your hair stand on your neck. Yoongi kneeled in front of you and when he laid his eyes on the burning mess dripping on the table his pupils dilated, his gaze becoming pitch black as he sighed,

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” and although the words were probably meaningless you took them to heart and loved him even more.

Before you could respond his lips were spreading kisses on your thighs. Just that was enough for you to let out a whimper. Your pussy had already been stimulated and his kisses were becoming pure torture. You took a hold of his hair and tried pushing his head between your legs. An obvious smile appeared on his face, showing just how proud he was of himself but he didn’t tease any longer. His lips grazed your burning flesh before he flattened his tongue on your folds applying just the right amount of pressure you needed. You let out a quiet cry and your stomach twisted and turned when you finally got the contact you were craving. His lips and tongue worked through your skin as if he was applying pleasurable kisses that caused tingles to go up your spine. You arched your back when his name left your lips, your hand was still tugging his hair gently. He hummed in response and the vibrations made you whine just a bit more. The sound of his tongue lapping your juices accompanied your moans in the silent room. 

His hands kept your legs spread open when you tried to rub them together almost forgetting you would hurt him. The gentle yet firm touch along your thighs made you shiver. Fuck each time you have sex with him it drives you crazy, Yoongi was the only one able to do this to you.

He looked you in the eyes, and it was probably the hottest sight ever. There he was in between your naked legs your hand messing up his nicely styled hair, his mouth pressed against you a smirk on his face with a hint of mischief in his eyes. He was satisfied with just how messed up you were. He knew exactly what he did to you and he loved it.

His thumb reached in between your legs and he began to work your clit. The familiar movements made you tremble slightly and a spark lit the pit of your stomach. He rubbed in constant circles as his tongue licked your fluids, and he hummed again “You taste so fucking good baby.”

Baby, you couldn’t stress how much you loved when he called you that. It was your thing, you were his and he was yours. That was the pinky promise, that was how it was.

The pleasure was building up inside of you and you shoved him further in between your legs before starting to rock your hips a little to push his tongue further inside of you. You were quite literally face fucking him by now, and he did not protest and only pushed inside of you further, his thumb rubbed faster. He did the exact right moves to get you off, and there you were crumbling over him your moans becoming louder and louder. The small spark was now a roaring fire and as your hips thrusts became more violent the flames spread from head to toe. You came undone, juices spilling on Yoongi’s mouth as he continued to pleasure you. When you came he slowly pulled away with the biggest smug grin you had ever seen. He wiped the coat of fluids, that had a slight taint of your red lipstick, from his chin before approaching his tongue to your pulsing core and licking the liquid you had poured out and smothered on your thighs. You sighed at the soothing feeling. 

When you were clean he got up and began unbuckling his belt, “Think you can take this?” he asked and tilted his head to the side in a teasing manner.

You watched as his hands slowly undressed him, and your tongue unconsciously stuck out and licked your lips in impatience. You stared at him with a confident smile,

“I thought you already knew the answer to that.”

He chuckled before releasing his length, and you gawked at the reddened erect flesh. It must have been sore after staying restrained in those tight pants for so long.

“Like what you see?”

You didn’t respond too occupied by taking in the view, Yoongi was there half naked and it was all for you. You reached inside of your bra and snatched out the condom you had brought.

He looked at you slightly surprised, “Since when do you hide stuff in there?”

You chucked him the foil, “Just put it on.” you said with a faint smile. He proceeded to do so obediently making sure you saw him unroll it onto his dick with a smirk. You both knew what was going to follow.  

He approached you and stood in between your legs, his tip was brushing your entrance. His hands found your hips and before you knew it he smashed inside of you, and loud grunts escaped you both. You grabbed his face and pressed your lips against his while you enjoyed the sweet taste of sweat and of your cum. After a couple of seconds, he began to move back and forth, slowly at first so you could adjust to his size. Each thrust became harder and the pace became faster.

“Fuck babe- ah-” he groaned in the crook of your neck before placing kisses and bites on your skin as you held the back of his neck to stop yourself from breaking between his hands. His cock slid up and down your walls and moans tumbled from your lips.

“Yoongi-” you whined, “you feel so good.”

He grunted in response to your compliment and sped up the speed slightly, his hands had to hold you in place so you wouldn’t slide too far away on the table. You knew you would be bruised tomorrow by how his fingers dug into your back as he crashed inside of you with more intensity each time. You reached under his shirt and traced his skin, every inch of him was burning and damp with sweat.

He slammed inside you continuously and soon enough he had pushed you back on the table and was towering over you as you both lay on it. Your back was getting pushed against the hard surface but you didn’t mind the pain not when Yoongi was inside of you.

You wrapped your legs around him pulling him further into your embrace and let your lips descend down his neck as he continued pushing inside of you. You licked the few pearls of sweat that had dripped down his skin, his scent engulfed your mind and you found yourself in a deep frenzy. You were in love and completely intoxicated by him. You sucked gently, you really did have a marking kink. It’s something you learned with Yoongi, each time you saw him walk around with one of your hickeys you felt proud of yourself. No one knew who did it to him but you, it was your secret. You let your tongue sooth the red mark you had made, making small whines leave his lips, sounds that always managed to stroke your ego.

He was beginning to speed up and you could tell by the slight shudders that he was close, you clenched your walls, you wanted to make him come. You were close too, it would only take a few more thrusts before you would come a second time.

“Are you close?” he grunted.

“Yes babe.” you whimpered between gritted teeth. The heat was about to explode and crash over your body, and just as he pushed in another time you hit your high. Fuck, only Yoongi could manage to get two orgasms out of you in one go. His name flowed from your lips, as your walls clenched around him. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, as you arched yourself into him. He let out a sigh of relief when he finally got the orgasm he wanted out of you and let himself cum inside of you.

“Fuck, ah- ” he groaned smashing violently into you his hips hitting against yours. You tried to clench your walls at your best for him and make every drip of his semen leak into the condom. He let out a couple of grunts with sloppy movements slowly ending his orgasm before pulling out. He lifted himself from the table after kissing you tenderly, a gesture that was becoming a bit more frequent lately. He picked your soaked panties up with a smirk before throwing them over to you.

“You always get better at this Y/N.”

“I must have been spectacular the first time then.” you snickered.

“Of course you were.” he added and you would have said he was embarrassed if he wasn’t already bright red and glistening in sweat. 

You lifted yourself from the table and proceeded to get your underwear on, when you lifted your head you saw Yoongi and realised that he had a giant smudge of lipstick on his face. 

“Oh my god.” you laughed. 

“What?” he seemed amused by your sudden fit of laughter but he couldn’t help but be slightly concerned. 

“Your face- it’s covered in makeup.” you chuckled. 

He grinned and commented, “You have the same thing on yours dumbass.” 

You suddenly stopped smiling, “What?” you panicked it hadn’t occurred to you that you’d have the same thing but after all, you were the one wearing the makeup. 

He walked over and before you knew it his thumb was placed on the corner of your lips to clean up the mess. The sudden closeness caught you off guard and you tensed under his touch and stared blankly at his face. A few strands of his hair flopped down over your own, and he looked concentrated on your lips. You made the most of this moment to admire his brown eyes and lips before your own hand tried it’s best to remove the mess on his face. Just like you, he tensed when he realised just how close you were there was a strange feeling in the air, one you were not used to when with Yoongi. It wasn’t much but the silence and tender touches upon each other’s face made the whole situation seem quite intimate, your heart clenched when you realised that this was the only affection you’d ever get from him. 

You quickly separated yourselves from each other after an awkward stare and sneaked back out of the storage room. 

You walked out of the stuffy hall to get some air hand in hand and something just felt right. You loved him, the emotions of pure affection were overflowing in you and the raw stretch he had given you still had you in bliss. You looked up at him, his bangs were in a mess and falling over his forehead, his face glowed in the moonlight. The flush of red still tainted his cheeks and a small smile was drawn on his face. The ruffle of his shirt and the few open buttons were traces of what had just happened. The marks of your kisses were visible along his neck and you enjoyed the sight knowing that you were the one that put him in such a state. You walked in a comfortable silence there was so much to say but you both preferred to keep the words locked up for now.

But being drunk you just had to fuck up somehow. You had been thinking lately, your feelings had been growing more and more intense, the more you pushed them back the more you felt them. You loved him, you had been liking him since the very first night you spent with him. It had been months that your feelings were being messed up, you did your best to hide them but it just wasn’t working. You agreed to this deal for the wrong reasons, it was to keep him to yourself but by doing that you just tortured yourself with fake hopes and lying to yourself. You knew the moment you said yes that you would regret this. You knew it would all come crashing back down on you but you ignored it and now you were doing your best to keep the pieces together. It was impossible for you to go on like this, so you finally blurted out,

“Yoongi?” you called and he finally faced you, his face looked peaceful his hand in yours and you squeezed it tight afraid he would leave you again, “How long do I have to pretend I don’t like you?”

His face crumbled as he realised what you said, there was a look of panic written all over him. He snatched his hand away from yours and you could’ve collapsed just then and there. You knew you had made a mistake, you should’ve kept quiet. He rubbed his face and sighed, “Fuck, I should’ve known.”

You took a step closer to him but he distanced himself and each pace he took back tore you apart a bit more. All hopes that he liked you in return were destroyed with that single movement.  Alcohol really made you do stupid things sometimes, but this had to be the worst mistake by far. “Listen,” he said and you already knew what was coming. It was obvious, “The deal was that there wouldn’t be any feelings involved - I - ah, fuck..” he was a mess and so were you.

You just stood there far away from him, each word leaving his mouth set more and more distance between the two of you. It was over, you knew it and you wished he could just get it out so it would be over with. You couldn’t believe a part of you thought that things would go smoothly, you thought he would answer your feelings. You hoped that all the small signs you had collected weren’t just a figment of your imagination and that he really cared. You thought that maybe just maybe he loved you back. It was the foolish hope of a stupid teen, and now you were broke to pieces. “I- I told you I didn’t want any kind of relationship involving love- I guess now you have feelings, and- Y/N it’s got to end.”

That was it, he said it. Your eyes were burning and you did your best to contain the croak in your throat. He couldn’t know just how bad you were hurt, you couldn’t show him. He looked at you waiting for a reaction a line formed between his brows his hand was rubbing the back of his neck, a habit you noticed he had whenever he was nervous. You couldn't let a word out in fear of crying so you just nodded, and turned your heels in the other direction. Your heels clicked on the concrete and you hoped those sounds were enough to hide your quiet sobs as you left him behind. 

[canaryatlaw]

alright. so, today was.....not the best. just a bunch of little stuff that was less than great. I woke up to my alarm at noon, ate, started getting ready for the interview, got dressed, ubered downtown with a solid 50 minutes to spare and waited in a coffee shop around the corner until it was time to go in. I always get there obscenely early so there’s no way I can be late. The coffee shop had their hot chocolate listed as “italian drinking chocolate” which is what I get at the vegetarian place all the time but they had it mixed with milk so it wasn’t quite the same, but then I got a cinnamon scone too and I was like wow okay I am predictable lol. Around 3:15 I started heading over, got up to the right floor no problem, and hung out in the hallway for a few minutes so I wouldn’t be too too early before going in. nice office, fairly standard, nice little shelf of accolades and such. I waited about 15 minutes properly before being led to a conference room and was told one of the partners would be with my shortly. He came in a few minutes later, mostly looking at my resume and asking me questions, he wanted to know what the deal was with my old firm and then the other experience I had, he asked about TWLOHA because I have that listed as volunteer work on the bottom of my resume, and that’s something people get curious about and I love when they ask so I can just brag about the UChapter I started a bit, and they’re always impressed by that. but yeah, it was fairly informal, he was not feeling great at the time so he didn’t want to keep it going too long. I asked a few questions about what a typical day would look like and such, the whole thing probably lasted about 10 minutes, but I felt like it was decent for what it was. He said this was their first day of interviews and it’d probably take a few weeks to sort it all out and then find out if I got a second interview or not, so I’m not really holding my breath about hearing from them, I’ll definitely be applying elsewhere in the mean time. I left feeling a tad discouraged just because it would’ve been nice to be back in the game like now, not having to wait another couple weeks for anything to start. but, anyway, I got an uber pool back, which everything was going fine and we dropped off the two other passengers so it was just me and the uber driver heading north, I wasn’t paying attention to where we were going or what was going on, but all of a sudden the side of our car is slamming into the side of the car in the lane to the left of us. what the heck was that??? so they stopped and the drivers proceeded to start yelling at each other, apparently there were somewhat conflicting traffic symbols as to whether it was a right turn only lane or a right turn and go straight lane, the other driver contended it was a right turn only lane as shown by the arrow painted on the road and that we should’ve turned right, while the uber driver contended it was a straight and right turn lane, as shown by one of the signs at the intersection. So it was actually really unclear who was actually right in this situation. The other driver was hella mad though and she called the police but they were just like “if nobody is injured and the cars are drivable our policy is that you should just exchange insurance information and we’re not going to send anyone out” which is valid honestly because Chicago police officers have a lot more important shit to get done that mediating minor car accidents. So I got out of the car and the other driver started shouting something at me about what happened and I just like put my hands up and was like I know nothing because I really didn’t, lol. I gave the uber driver my contact info in case he needed me for a witness or whatever, then ended up calling another uber and taking that the rest of the way home. so as I’m sure you can imagine, I was happy to get away from that scene. I didn’t really feel any pain upon impact but by the time I got home my back was starting to bother me, which is probably because it just aggravated my already existing back problems that are generally somewhat controlled, but I’m not terribly concerned about it, it wasn’t anything major and I don’t think it’s going to be a long term issue (plus, having now sat in on the depositions for so many car accident cases, if we were to sue, proving aggravation of a pre-existing issue is ridiculously difficult and just would not at all be worth it for the minimal damages I would actually incur). So I sat down with my heating pad and watched this week’s episode of The Gifted since I hadn’t seen that yet, then switched over to live tv for Brooklyn 99 and The Good Place, which were both of course very funny. NBC is being very smart to play them back to back like that, it’s definitely working for them. Once those to shows were over I watched an episode and a half of The Americans before going back to normal tv because I wanted to watch Jimmy Fallon since he was having Rachel Brosnahan on as a guest which I wanted to see since I just started her show. So that was good to watch, and I ended up staying up a bit longer and watching some of Seth Myers (who I always find funny but don’t stay up late enough to see very often) because my roommate was in the shower so I had to wait for her to be done to start getting ready for bed. But yeah, once she got out I showered and started getting ready for bed and now here we are. It is almost 2 am so I am not going to procrastinate any further and go to bed now. Goodnight loves. Happy Friday.