#you can see some of them are WAY neater than the others and I forget to account for the stretch from the frame!!!!

[tacit-semantics]

Woah…. square…. anyways I’m not big on just straight up abstract designs but I did learn a bit ESPECIALLY with those rosettes- I knew that some of them worked better than others and knew in turn that it had to do with how I was looping the thread over the net when making the ‘arms’ but I ALSO had to wait until my brain found it interesting enough to let me concentrate on the configuration to figure out how to actually make them look good. Anyways you have to loop all the arm threads up and over or the circles don’t stay up right. For anyone curious.

[xlunacloudiax]

Heart of two friends.

Description: Juan invites Y/n to his apartment to help her overcome artistblock. A special bond forming between the two friends finally blossoms into something more as they realise their feelings for each other.

About 6k words. Took me SO LONG to edit, and even longer to find courage to post. Please enjoy a slow but deep romance with Juan Ruiz. 🫶🏻

~~~

" So I was thinking... Maybe we could- " The door to Juan's apartment swings open and Y/n wanders in. Her thoughts are immediately replaced with surprise admiration. " Woah, nice place. I've already enough inspiration just by walking in here. "

Juan enters shortly after her and closes the door, silently locking it behind his back. He watches her soft hair lightly bounce across her back as she smiles contently at the room before her. Finally, he's got her alone with him. He's relieved he can spend some time with her after a busy week with Dr. Burke and the others, but he feels a pang of nervousness.

It's just them two. All alone. In his apartment.

" Yeah, it's okay I guess... Sorry I forgot to clean up the uh- " Juan apologizes. Perhaps he's just shy? He doesn't want to dissappointment Y/n in anyway.

" No it's fine, really. It's neater than my place in the mornings. " Y/n flashes a genuine smile that comforts Juan from his embarrassment. The bubbly nervous feeling in his stomach, which he only recently noticed, eases a bit. " Did you know that a person's emotions are first felt in gut before the brain registers it? " Y/n adds as if she could read his mind, it lightens the awkward mood a little.

Juan shakes his head and chuckles. He drops the keys into their usual spot and follows Y/n at a safe distance. " That's so random, but I didn't know that. "

For some odd reason he always feels calmer around her, so much that he worries little about the chupacabra's sudden appearances. The urge to transform seems almost completely surpressed and instead replaced by the frequent urge to be closer to Y/n.

The only present worry lurking in the back of his mind is Darcey. How will she react after hearing about Y/n's arrival at his apartment? Even if they're no longer dating for months now, she can sometimes be... obsessive with his personal life and friendships. He has to be careful around her. He doesn't want to make her feel any more insecure, but he still wishes she were less suspicious about him nowadays. Even after what happened between them, Juan still sees her as a friend.

" Hey, where's Darcey by the way? Isn't she here today? " Y/n's sudden questions break through his contemplation and he shakes his head. He was dreading those words.

" She's probably out with her friends. I don't know. " Juan chooses his words wisely. He doesn't want to think about Darcey right now. His mind flashes back to his last meeting with her, and the argument they had. He really wishes to forget about it. They've both decided to move on and it seems better that way. " We're not living together anymore. "

An awkward silence descends upon the room and Juan bites his lip, wondering whether he said too much or not enough. It's been half a year since he broke up with Darcey, but he never really talks about it. Y/n lightly pats his shoulder and the sudden touch sends electricity throughout his body. " Sorry. I didn't know she moved out. "

" No, no it's alright. That was more than a few months ago anyway. Things are better this way. "

" So it's just us then? " The words slip off Y/n's tongue and it makes Juan's heart skip a beat. His previous concerns are immediately erased. Odd, he shouldn't be feeling this way ... He hasn't known her for very long, yet it feels like it was meant to last a lifetime. His attraction towards Y/n is nothing new, but still seems ethereal. He's felt it resonate in his bones since the moment he approached her. An eager yearning to get to know her. Their fondness has grown throughout the past 2 months, and the feelings have become more familiar to handle with time. Yet they remain unbeknownst to Y/n.

Is it wrong to feel strongly towards a friend? It's not like this is a movie or anything.

" Yeah. Just us. " Juan releases a shaky breathe and shows her to his study. Y/n follows closely behind and he stops to allow her entry first.

Y/n walks around and observes the room. The surface of his desk was neatly scattered with sketches and portraits seated placidly on stands. A mirror and a large collection of expensive pencils and pens arranged in a holder next to a pile of drawings. A few shelves with books stood bythe side of the room. It had a comfortable lofty style showcasing all of Juan's sketch ideas, some finished and others work in progress. " Oh, this is lovely. It's like your inspiration domain. " Juan stands behind her in the doorway with a shy smile. " So is where you get all your great big ideas onto paper. Really nice. "

" Yes. " Juan agrees with a small hint of pride. " I'll be right back. " Dissapears into the main room for a brief moment. Y/n gazes thoughtfully and meticulously at each artwork, admiring the unique details that depict the artist's hard work, all the while thinking of how talented Juan is. He's worked hard to reach his success, and not many people recognise it enough. All the hours he's spent writing, planning, drawing, and all the hundreds of hours of practice. This room is a special place for him. A big black sketch book on the desk catches Y/n's attention. It lays closed, concealing whatever is inside it like a secret, taunting her. Something whispers in Y/n's mind to open it. _Surely this not invading his space, right?_ Her hand reaches out on its own, her curiousity too strong to resist.

She flips through a few pages, briefly examining the immaculate drawings of hands and eyes and different face shapes. Until she comes across a particular page that peaks her interest. A familiar face jumps out at her, the curves and tones so perfected it stands apart from the paper. Y/n stares at the drawing as it feels like it is staring back. Her heart squeezes in her chest and fills with an unfamiliar warmth once she recognises who it is.

It was a drawing of her.

Y/n feels tears prick the corners of her eyes as she considers ever line and little detail added to the small portrait. Nobody has ever cared to notice such detail about her before, let alone take the time to make an artwork of her. For the first time, as she gazes at the beautiful artwork made by Juan's hands, she realises just how deeply the emotions behind such an act could mean. And her heart is touched with an underlying hope.

Juan returns carrying a dining chair with ease, and places it down next to the desk chair. " Sorry, no autographs." He jokes and Y/n quickly turns the book cover with a small chuckle to swallow her sudden tears. She watches him intently, dark brunette curly strands of his hair fall infront of his eyes and spring up as he stands again with a sigh. " This is now your workstation. " He gently guides her to sit on the desk chair, curling his hands on her upper arms. The warm feeling of his touch lingers longer than it probably should, but it's quick to lift as soon as she sits down. The brief contat leaves a tingling spot on the skin underneath her sleeve.

Juan seats himself beside her on the dining chair.

" Oh- isn't this your chair? "

Juan smirks and leans forward closer to her face, his gaze meets hers, his shyness melting away. " The best way to learn from a teacher is to view the lesson through their eyes. " He shifts closer and extends his arm to grasp another large leather book on the desk, this time a navy blue cover. He opens it to reveal an album of portrait sketches in various perspectives, similar to the one Y/n had peaked into a few moments ago.

Juan carefully watches her face and smiles at her reaction to his work as they page through the book. Each unexpected compliment and question makes his heart flutter. " So, what's your technique? " Y/n finally asks and tears her eyes away from the portrait to gaze at him curiously. Juan feels warmth radiate inside him at her soft expression towards him, he almost doesn't hear her question clearly. " Can you show me? " It's like he has an apprentice. A very pretty apprentice.

" Alright. " He leans back to grab a specific pencil from his stationary shelf and sits closer to Y/n to demonstrate. She watches his movements attentively throughout the lesson, but barely asorbs the explanation. The sturdiness of his wrist as the pencil presses a line to a blank section of the page makes her knees feel weak for some reason. The veins lightly tracing his hands as he holds the slim object in a skilful manner. The strength shifting in his grip when he flicks his wrist in different directions. A few moments later, Juan pauses and swings the pencil towards Y/n's hand, resting it between her fingers the way he previously held it. " Is this comfortable for you? "

She focuses on the intense warmth of his hand gently placed on hers. Her mind almost short-circuits for a second. She nods. " Okay. " He whispers and slides closer, carefully stretching his arm around her shoulders and holding onto her hand with the other. She can feel his warm breath on the side of her face as he further explains the lesson, and the tickle of his curls against her forehead. Her heartrate beats like a drum as his firm hand steadily guides her smaller one across the page. His instructions are clear and concise. A faint musky scent enthralls her senses and her mind feels fuzzy. They are so close to each other now, faces merely inches apart. Y/n is barely able to keep focus, but she manages to capture the just of everything.

After completion, the intensifying warmth retreats along with Juan's hand. Y/n stares at her work feeling pleased.

" That went by like a breeze. "

Juan smirks playfully at her. " You're a faster learner that I thought. "

Y/n gasps decides to play along. " What's that supposed to mean? Your technique is easier than I thought. "

This time Juan gasps and places a hand over his heart. " I am offended. " He jokes and it earns a chuckle from Y/n. What a beautiful sound, he thinks to himself with a smile.

Juan abruptly stands up and heads for the main room. " You hungry? " He asks halfway to the kitchen. Y/n spins in the chair and watches him through the doorway.

" I guess so. What've you got? "

Juan, rummaging through the kitchen cupboard, pauses and looks up to face her. " Have you ever triednachos? "

Y/n in return snickers." Tried? I grew up with nachos. Though not the kind you're probably thinking of. "

" Oh? What kind then? " Juan frowns slightly in confusion but keeps his smile plastered on his lips. He wonders why he can't stop smiling around her? Juan picks up his desired ingredients alongside the chips on a tray. He places them on the kitchen island and quickly prepares the sauce. A moment later Y/n approaches and seats herself on a barstool in front of him. " Different chips? "

" Yes, a little unusual but very tasty. My mother's recipe. " She snatches a single chip from the preparation tray and crunches it. Juan props himself on his elbows and observes her thoughtfully as she explains the process of how her family used to make it.

" Interesting. I never thought you could use that. " Juan takes a chip, his gaze remaining attentive on her movements. She nods, bashfully, feeling his intense gaze. " But you know, the best part of the flavour is in the beans. " Suddenly an idea hits him, and he turns to fetch another topping. He returns with a little bowl of what appears to be sour cream, and places on the tray. The conversation continues. It is nice to finally have someone to talk to. Juan's normally used to being alone or being interrupted, but not with Y/n. " Did she add any spices? "

" Hm. Yes, and sometimes even nutritional yeast. But that tasted more like cheese. " Y/n replies with a glint of nostalgia in her eyes. " Actually, I remember the first time she she added sweet chilies. It was so good, it became one of our favourites. " She bites a chip covered in sour cream and is pleasantly surprised by the familiar spicy toppings. Juan, who's eyes have been carefully observing her facial expressions, gives a pleased smile upon noticing her delight.

" I thought you'd like this. You briefly mentioned it a few weeks ago. "

Y/n smiles appreciatively at the thought of his attentiveness. " You remembered that? "

" Of course. I pay attention to everything you say. " Juan takes a final chip before stepping around the counter. " That's how a spy works, isn't it? " Juan jokingly adds and takes the seat next to her.

" Oh, so you're a spy now? Ironic. I thought I was the only one. " Y/n decides to play along, speaking in a proud accent.

" Mmh, now that's a problem. Two spies spying on each other with a plate of nachos? "

Y/n chuckles at his statement. " And what's all the information you've collected so far? " Juan squints his eyes at her with a smirk, he leans forward until she can feel his warm breathe hit her face.

" Do you really want to know? "

She blinks innocently and smiles, daring to lean forward as well and resting her chin on her palm. The tension gradually building in the air between them. " I don't know. Is it confidential? " A deep hum resonates from Juan's chest and stands up again.

" Well, If I told you then ... there would be some consequences. " He opens the fridge and takes out two cans of some soft drink to show her. " Have you ever tried this? "

" No. You're giving me a lot of new things lately. " Including these feelings.

Juan passes the drink over the counter and their hands touch for a moment. It's like electricity flowing through the simple contact, a subtle but evident connection completing a circuit. There's a tug inside Juan's heart, like he wants to hold on to her. What is wrong with him, he wonders.

That's when he notices the thin, fresh, red lines draping across the tips of her delicate skin.

" Hey, what happened to your hand? " Juan asks concern in his voice. Y/n pauses and looks confused in response before realisation clicked in her mind.

" Oh. This? It's just cat scratches. " She giggles sweetly at the memory.

The internal tug in Juan's heart becomes nearly unbearable. His heartrate speeds up as temptation settles in for the simple desire. Maybe this will be okay? Unsure of the strange feelings developing inside of him, Juan takes ahold of Y/n's hand. His warm muscular fingers gently press along the peculiar lines. Y/n nearly flinches in surprise, her breath hitched in her throat as her heart skipped a beat. Her mind is overwhelms itself like a highway of thoughts as he continues to gently rub and trace the scars.

" I didn't know you had a cat? " He says in a soft tone, slightly deeper than before.

" Oh, well it's not exactly my cat... " Y/n begins to scramble her thoughts together. Juan listens attentively. " It's a stray. Her original owner was one of my neighbours, but the lady recently had an accident and has to live in a wheelchair for a while. I offered to take care of the cat until she recovers. She was very grateful for that... "

" Aw, that's sweet of you. "

Her eyes follow the movement of his fingers. Y/n notices the great difference in temperature between the both of them.

Of course, her mouth speaks before her mind. " You're so hot... "

" W- What? "

Heat instantly rises to Y/n's cheeks in realisation of her own words and she's overwhelmed by embarrassment. " Oh no- I mean, temperature-wise. " What is wrong with me? Y/n cringes at herself for the misunderstanding.

" Oh.. " Juan chuckles, understanding it was meant differently. His eyes flicker to hers and the obvious blush dusting her cheeks. What a pretty colour on her, I wonder what else will make her blush... Juan wonders why he is thinking this all of a sudden? But instead he continues to rub her hands, focusing on the fading cat scratches as a distraction. He can't deny it, he just wants to feel her skin for as long as possible.

Unfortunately their time spent together is cut short. " I have to go. It's getting late. Thank you for inviting me over. " Y/n's soft voice interrupts and Juan slowly feels a pang of panic arise as she retracts her hands and stands up.

" Wait! Before you go... " Juan calls after her fleeting form and he calms a bit when she stops and turns to him. She needs to stay longer. I can't let her go. Please not yet. I don't want that feeling to return... He clenches his fists and gathers whatever excuse be can think of to keep her there. His mouth gapes like a fish but words don't cooperate. So instead he settles for the next best idea.

Juan dissapears into the study for a moment, and returns with another magazine-sized book. He holds it out to Y/n. She takes it from his hands with slight interest. Juan switches on the hanging lights above the counter to assist her eyesight, ones that Y/n notes are quite stylish.

" What's this? " She asks curiously.

Y/n opens the book and reads the first page, only to notice it contains inked pictures. Her eyes widen in realisation and Juan smiles as he watches her excitement grow. " Oh my goodness... " Y/n flips to the next page. " This is one of your comics! But it's brand new? " Her fingers glide over the intricate black lines. She looks up at him with uncertainty.

" It's all yours. "

" Are you serious?! " Y/n's eyes light up and she hugs him. Juan feels an odd warmth grow inside him at her reaction and he encircles his arms around her. Her body fit right into his arms, almost perfectly like a puzzle. Like it was meant to be. Suddenly the air feels thicker again.

" I thought it'd be better if you had more examples to learn from, you know? "

" No ways... Thank you so much. " As she thanks him , he takes the time to relish in her scent.

That flips a switch.

A deep urge inside him silently begs not to let her go. Make her somehow stay in his arms. But he has no choice. He forces himself to detach from her dainty frame as she steps away. His chest aches inside as he attempts to ignore the desperate cries for her touch. It was almost so torturing that his hands began to shake under his balled fists.

" You're so talented, you know? I wish my stories could be visualised. But I don't have the time. "

There it is. Another compliment gracefully falls from her lips. Juan's chest overflows with the familiar warmth, one that often infiltrates his heart whenever Y/n is close by, he realises. It's a newly uncovered feeling that he hasn't even felt towards anyone before.

Perhaps she is a really special friend? He used to think, but now, he's not so sure anymore. Now, all he knows is that he needs to bring Y/n closer.

" Don't worry. I know you will some day. You just have to keep motivating yourself. Your story is good. It's you. That's what makes it so special... " Juan's eyes travel down from her glossy eyes, to her pouting pink lips, her revealing neck, and then to her arms. He has a strong urge to comfort her physically to, but he's afraid of making her uncomfortable, so instead he reassures her with his words. His opportunity to hug her has already passed. It's like a lump of stone sitting in the back of his throat, he struggles to gulp it down as his mind threatens to lose her if he doesn't do something more.

Y/n stares at him, feeling encouraged by his honest words. She smiles sweetly. " Thanks Juan. "

His eyes couldn't help but stare at her graceful figure, and the unique features of her face. Her beautiful hair that shines soft like silk in the lighting above. Her avoiding eyes hooded with naturally long lashes. They are the windows to her emotions, but can't express just how beautiful she is on the inside. He thought to himself. If only he could tell her... He could write an entire book about her and call it 'Y/n's heart of gold, Juan's heart of her'. He doesn't care how cheesy that might sound, that's how he feels around her.

Again he feels an inner tug, pulling him forward as a need to be closer to her. His increase in heartrate, beating like a drum against his ribcage. Is it the Chupacabra wanting to come out? He worries, but can't suppress the temptation to caress her cheek. It's like a different side of him is threatening to overtake. A build up of emotion about to spill like a cup filling with water till it reaches the brim.

That's it. He gave in.

As Y/n turns towards the door, Juan's arms reach out and prevent her from exiting. Her hand that lands on the doorknob is captured by a firm grip, and her fingers are laced with the man's strong ones. Juan's other hand raises itself to gently cup her cheek. She looks confusedly at him as a blush creeps onto her skin under the touch of his warmth. His face inches closer to her own, his dazed eyes boring into her with an intense gaze of longing. Y/n is left utterly speechless, except for the few words that managed to escape her lips.

" Juan? What are you doing? "

Juan remians silent, in thought. He stares endearingly at her. His eyes are almost glossy as he slides a strand of hair out of her face. Now he can see her beautiful eyes more clearly He doesn't understand why he is so enthralled by her, but maybe it was just her? Maybe it doesn't matter either. Words of apology linger on the tip of his tongue and after a while he doesn't hold some of them back. " I'm sorry, I can't... resist you... "

The eager longing inside of him overrides his senses and he pulls her towards him. His lips attack her soft ones and he unintentionally roughly shoves her against the dark wooden door. It was so sweet, so comforting, so right. His body moulds into hers as the satisfaction of his craving is met. His craving for her touch. Her comfort. Her understanding despite not yet knowing the truth about his alter ego.

How he stalked her that one night in his Chupacabra form just to be sure she arrived home safe. How he stopped that guy at the restaurant that tried to hurt her. How he was the one who defended her that night Dr. Burke's house was attacked. How he cared so much for her and admired her kindness and empathy for the people around her, despite not being able to express herself well. How he yearns for her to feel the same towards him. She was so pure in his eyes. Like an angel he thought he never deserved to meet. Oh, how he wishes he could tell her all this. How he truly feels about her.

The kiss doesn't stop. All the deepest unspoken emotions between the two flood into the each other like a dam wall bursting into a tumbling waterfall. It is passionate, other people would say, but in the hearts of the two it means much more than anyone can fathom.

In Y/n's mind, she knows this is dangerous. Being alone with a guy so dear and allowing him to kiss her? Logically, it was just a recipe of risks. She felt so uncertain, yet her heart felt so at home. But Juan wasn't just any guy, and this wasn't just a kiss. This is the one her heart has long yearned for to find, at last encased by his loving arms. Two fates destined to be entangled. The person she has prayed to meet since she was first able to grasp the meaning of love. The warmth of his lips traverse her her jawline, a sensation her body has long been seeking in her subconscious. She doesn't know why she isn't feeling threatened. Normally a slight touch attempted by a man would make her skin crawl in disgust or uncomfortability. Perhaps this is just the right man touching her, and her body knows it. Feel down, she knows this feels right somehow.

But her morals kick in and hesitation rises in the middle of the sweet sensation. She still needs to be careful not to let it go too far, no matter how good it feels.

She places her free hand that isn't holding the comic book firmly on Juan's chest, lightly pushing him away. Unfortunately he is just too strong for her and keeps in place. The longer she stands cornered by him the more temptation eases its way to give in.

No. She recollects her stance. I can't stay... It's too risky. What if he doesn't feel the same way?

Juan, sensing her hesitation stops and whispers words of reassurance as he leans into her neck. " Hey, are you okay...? I won't do anything you don't want me to. " For a moment she is comforted but her worry remains and battles with the intense feeling of bliss and the relaxation of her muscles in his hold. Her silence makes Juan retreat a little and scan her face for any sign of discomfort. Fearing that he's crossed a line. " I'm sorry... Please, just stay a little longer. We don't have to- " Y/n's voice is choked by uncertainty, but she shakes her head.

She can feel his warm breath lingering over her neck as he waits patiently for her answer, his lean muscular arms holding her dainty ones and she notices one of his thumbs rubbing along the top of her hand in a comforting manner. Their position against the door in such close proximity, the heat radiating off his body envelopes her like a blanket. Realising the strength he has over her in this moment is frightening, yet he remains gentle with her. Even asking consent to continue kissing her. " Will it be okay if I stay? " It's almost impossible to resist. Temptation is right at her doorstep and perhaps that isn't such a bad thing. Such a stupid thought to have in a situation where her body has but a single threatened cell aching to leave.

That is all it takes for Juan to hoist her up into his arms, her legs crossing over behind his back for support. She yelps at the sudden action until she realises where he's taking her. Her voice returns to her, almost shaky and out of breath from the continuous kisses. " Woah, I don't know if I'm ready for this- "

He tosses her onto his bed. Then he proceeds in removing his jacket. Y/n's heart skips a beat and she wonders where this would lead to.

Discarding the piece of clothing on the floor he climbs on top of her. Y/n stares wide eyed, unsure of what to expect. Slightly fearful but also excited. This experience is all too new for her. She just lays still and awaits whatever he plans to do. Her heart feels like it is dancing in her chest. Is he going to...?

Juan stares at her with dazed eyes, trapped in his arms beneath him. She looks as innocent as a deer in his eyes. Unfortunately, he's hunted such an animal before... but he'd never dream of doing such a thing to her. She is too precious. And he hopes the beast inside him agrees. He could see that Y/n trusts him. The last thing he wants to do is break that trust.

" You look so frightened. Have you never been kissed before? " Juan asks while caressing her fallen strands of hair out of her face to

" Not by you. "

He smiles again. He presses his lips onto hers again, this time softer and slower. He travels down to her neck and lightly sucks it between kisses. Her shoulders gradually relax, enjoying the tingly sensation.

Y/n reaches up to his curly hair and runs her fingers through the tousled strands. That seems to encourage Juan as he shifts his towering position over her into a tight but gentle embrace. Once again she is encircled by the comfort and safety of his strong arms respectfully in their place around her waist and back. Thumbs massaging at her sides and sending butterflies fluttering throughout her tummy. Juan quietly and breathlessly chants her name between kisses from her lips slowly traveling her neck, from the back of her ear down to her soft and sensitive shoulders. During this moment, this loving gesture, Y/n longs to know for certain how he truly feels.

After a while Juan lays himself next to her and keeps his arms draped over her smaller frame. Panting and breathless, the tension between them slowly dissapates but the thickness in the air tugging in his chest remains. His head nuzzles her neck affectionately, and he sighs at peace. Y/n gazes at him lovingly, with a mix of bewilderment and pensive. She never expected to experience love this way... And especially not from her dear friend Juan. That seemed no further than a dream to her.

She needs to clarify with him soon. She needs to know for sure.

" Juan "

Y/n whispers breathlessly.

" Is that all you're going to do? "

Juan chuckles at the unexpected question. The sound vibrates throughout her body. It feels so calming and yet contains so much strength. Her knees feel weak despite currently laying down. " What do you mean? Do you want me to do more? " He gives her a teasing glare.

Y/n's face flushes. She avoids the look on Juan's face as it just made her blush even more. Turning over to the other side, she gazes out the window to recollect her thoughts as her heart rate gradually relaxes. Juan watches her intently and holds her hand, lacing their fingers.

" I told you, I won't do anything you don't want me to, remember? " Juan searches her eyes and senses that same hesitation from earlier.

Y/n shifts under his embrace to face him, her gaze now serious from contemplation. " Juan. Tell me. Was this just a 'makeout'? "

Juan smiles at her straightforwardness. " I guess you can call it that, yeah? " He lightly caresses her forehead and presses a chaste kiss on the side.

" I mean, did it... mean anything more to you? " Y/n musters up the courage to ask, her stomach twists in anxiousness of his rejection.

Juan meets her gaze affectionately, searching her eyes again. Something is blooming between them it goes much deeper than the physical.

Juan's voice breaks the silence. " I'm still trying to figure things out between us but... it did, to me atleast. " Juan props himself up on one arm. The rest of the words hang in Juan's thoat and he all he can do is gape like a fish. He looks towards Y/n expectantly, scanning her soft features for the response they're both searching for. Her beautiful eyes bore into his and entrance him with their eager filled emotions. Needless anything to say, he understands what she means, and his hope that she feels it too has been fulfilled. The connection between them, is mutual.

Y/n forms a smile of pure bliss upon realisation and snuggles into his side. " If this is a dream please don't wake me up. "

Juan chuckles and she can feel it resonate throughout his chest like a deep rumble. She feels elated, as if they're lying together in the middle of a grassy field on a warm summer afternoon. The rise and fall of Juan's chest comforts her thoughts and she feels like an invisible weight has been lifted off her shoulders. He feels the same as he gently cradles her in his arms. The silence providing a peaceful atmosphere between them.

Y/n's thoughts remind her of the drawing she found earlier and her heart rate picks up pace again. Should I tell him? I might as well. She wonders where it will lead to but she doesn't waste time and gathers her words with much effort.

" I found your drawing. "

Juan leans back to gaze down at her in mild confusion. " Which one do you mean, love? "

Y/n's heart flutters at the nickname he gives her and looks up to meet his eyes boldly. " The one you made... of me. "

In an instant of realisation, Juan's cheeks heat up to a pinkish shade. He is at a loss for words. " H-How did you..? " His breathe hitches in his throat and causes him to stutter. Now he looks embarrassed and tears his gaze away from her with much shyness. Y/n reassures him by gently placing her hand on his face.

" It's beautiful. " She replies with such genuine sweetness in her voice, Juan's heart could melt right on the spot. Y/n can feel the heat radiating off him by now and he attempts to hide himself in her palm. But he quickly turns the tables by pressing sloppy kisses into her hand. A hearty laugh erupts from Y/n's lips.

" What happened to your shyness all of a sudden? " She asks in between giggles. Juan laughs along with her, thinking what a beautiful sound it is to hear her laugh. He promises himself to make her smile that way every chance he gets.

" Shyness? I'm not shy! " He attempts to defend himself but his uncontainable smile gives it away. " It's just- really hard to talk to a pretty girl like you. "

Y/n pauses and looks up at him teasingly in response to his flirtatious compliment. " Oh, so you're like this with every pretty girl then? " Juan's smile fades a little and his heart clenches at the thought. He gazes at her earnestly with undoubtedly loving eyes.

" No. Only you. " He cups her face in his hand and presses their foreheads together.

Y/n's laughing eases and her heart fills with warmth. Her usually avoiding eyes now wonder up to his own without hesitation, capturing hers with his intensity.

It is the first time they've made such eye contact in a while. Where sparks seem to fly, now the glimmer they share is like a dancing flame.

Both their hearts skip a beat. To Y/n if feels like her entire body is frozen in place under his endearing gaze. To Juan it feels like someone has gifted him the most precious jewel in the world. Her beautiful eyes who's always actively ignoring every attempt of eye contact, has trusted him enough to rest upon his own with such adoration. It's like a romance in a comic book, except this time it's real. They can reach out and they can feel each other. They can know each other. And they can be with each other despite all odds. Never would Juan have thought he'd be so genuinely excited over making eye contact with someone before. He couldn't tear his gaze away even if the world were to end that very second. This is too special of a moment to break. To meet your lover's eyes and know exactly what they're thinking, as if peering through a glass window into a person's soul, and seeing that they reciprocate.

" Your pupils are dilating. "

" What? " Juan chuckles at Y/n's random statement. She tends to do that often. Lighten the mood. " Where did that come from? "

" Oh, I read something about it. A person's pupils dilate whenever they look at someone the love or hate. "

" Well in that case... " Juan leans down to her ear and lightly kisses the earlobe. " That probably answers both our questions again. No? " The last words he whispers in Spanish and Y/n can feel the tension between them slowly rebuilding. She steadily holds his gaze and her heart leaps upon hearing his next words that reflect her own.

" Te amo..."

I'm crying inside. If you made it through this... 🥹 Thank you.

(Btw, the picture above is from a sunset in my neighborhood after it rained a while ago.)

[fernifox]

I made a box! >:)

It won me judges choice in a cosplay masquerade,,,, hit them in the feelings you know?

How I did it under the cut

First things first! I cut out 0.5cm EVA foam squares that were roughly 11 inches on each side (I used paper as a template just to make sure I get a proper right angle). It makes a decent sized box but not too big to carry around (the actual box from the episode of sabo is a little bit more rectangular but I wanted to make it easier on myself). I couldn’t find my heat gun at the time so I just flattened it out with an iron (Put some parchment paper in between to reduce the risk of leaving iron marks on it). It’s probably easier to iron it flat anyways, also be sure to put something flat and heavy over it so it will actually stay flat (I used this glass clay/cutting mat I have).

Next I sketched out where each board would. I chose to divide it into 6 boards wide (each board was roughly 2 inches, last board was a little thinner but you wouldn’t notice looking at it). There are two boards with a cross and two that are just bordered. Then you’ll want to take an exacto knife and cut semi deep cuts along each board (not all the way through!). Then a little lighter you’ll add the wood grain marks (don’t be me and forget to sharpen your knife while cutting them, if it doesn’t cut the top layer your marks will disappear when you hit it with the heat gun). They don’t have to be perfect, just simple flowy lines with the occasional tree knot.

On the other side you’ll want to figure out how you want to put your box together, the front and back pieces are the cross pieces, make sure the boarders are on the top and bottom (neater panels on the most visible sides). Your left and right pieces will have the boarders on the sides and the top piece and bottom piece will have the boarders touching the front and back pieces. The top piece and all of the edges touching it will not be cut. On the side pieces and bottom pieces you will need to measure and mark about 0.5cm away from the edge and trim it away and an angle, so when you assemble the box they’ll fit together nicely (once again do not cut away the top edges because that’s where you’ll put the hinge and Velcro so you can open it and store stuff inside!). Once you’re done you can use a heat gun on the wood grain to open the cuts so it’ll define each board and groove. Lastly you’ll sand down the pieces so the paint and glue will stick (also so you can smoothen out the edge cuts if you aren’t good at cutting angles like me).

When I glued it I used a cement glue to make it a bit sturdier and cleaner than hot glue would be and then I filled in all of the seams (on the inside and outside) with some cosplay foam clay. I decided I wanted to make it a little bit sturdier so I took a bunch of popsicle sticks I happened to have laying around and glued them together to make a frame around the inside edges of the box and then glued it in. Once the foam clay was dry I sanded down it a little to make it smoother and so paint would stick to it.

I didn’t take a picture of this but I preemptively cut slits into the back of the box where the straps would go in. I used some basic nylon straps that I got and cut them in half so they were a good length to use as backpack straps. I tried to mark where I cut on the image below. If you cut in the board seams then it makes a kind of invisible hole to slip the straps in later (try fitting the straps in now just to make sure it is the right size, this will hopefully reduce damage to the paint later).

When I started painting I painted the inside a solid brown color just so you wouldn’t just see white when you open it (you don’t have to get fancy with it tho). On the outside I mixed up a lighter brown color and placed it as the base, then I went back and mixed in darker shades of brown and some lighter shades of yellows brown to add onto the texture of the wood. It took me an entire day to do and I’m glad I didn’t run out of paint (every side is painted with texture, even the bottom).

Once I was done painting I decided that in order to help strengthen the straps I wanted to add to the box I cut of some foam bits to stick on the ends of them (that way if the glue on the straps fail then the foam bits would keep the straps in the box) and I painted them a solid brown so they wouldn’t be too visible on the box. Then I sprayed the painted box with a clear glaze that way it’d make the paint on the box sturdier (less scratching) and so it wouldn’t stick to stuff and rip off. I let the glaze dry overnight (going to continue this in a reblog because I ran out of images).

Here’s the link to the full post

[lekhikaji]

You ruined romance for me.You ruined romance for me and this is a tragedy because now, I can't open car doors without thinking of you standing and smiling to open it, sitting in the backseat in your arms and being pulled close for a cheek peck while you tell the driver about his car, because you've refined knowledge about cars.

Talking the whole night about random things and did not fall asleep until I do. You've spoiled romance for me in numerous ways and one of them being I know a shop at the corner of the street and whenever I pass it, I think about the moment you took my hand and we tried all the clothes and then came out buying nothing just because you wanted to see how I look in certain clothes.We're talking about clothes so ruining would include me looking at your wardrobe and feeling like a failure cause your wardrobe is neater than my whole life and deciding that black looks better on you than any other colour and still being in awe of how you can keep all your clothes neat and pressed and have this colllection of shoes that would put mine to shame.You've ruined romance for me in thousands of ways and some of them are wine dipped in your kisses.

The kisses I would never get over. You've ruined it by the early morning dates. The warm embrace. The nickname I can't forget. The laughter. Understanding me. You've ruined it in many ways and you always had this knack of calling me a spilt personality but I guess, all of us are missing you now 🩷🌸✨

[fizzytoo]

lying, ghost, crying, anger, sleeping, shaved ice, maple leaf and see no evil for anyone u want and milky way for adrien, rua & rosa <33

THANK YOU ILY<33333 im answering under the cut 🦔

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

Juliette!- she's an okay liar. like she has her moments where she's gotten away with some tiny lies which really makes her overestimate her abilities 😭 it's harder for her to get away with bigger lies when you know her. she becomes even more animated than she normally is and she plays with her hands.

👻 GHOST - do they believe in ghosts? what are their "ghostly experiences," if any?

Rosa!- yes, 100% she'll tell you the story of when she was a kid growing up in her grandparents' old farmhouse and the ghost she SWEARS she saw in the upstairs bathroom. she only saw it once, but once was enough to scare her from going to the bathroom at night.

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

Adrien!- Adrien's a frustrated crier. if he feels like he's being misunderstood, or if something just isn't working out like he thought—he'd cry. They're hot, angry tears he tries hard to hide.

💢 ANGER - what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to?

Adrien!- despite his put-together appearance, Adrien's pretty disorganized. Among other things, he constantly forgets to close the fridge or and turn off the lights after being the last one in a room. his hair-ties and bobby pins are all over the house, and his clothes and shoes are a mess where they're kept. He tries to multitask but ends up getting distracted halfway through. Rua's the neater of the two so it was something he had to get used to.

💤 SLEEPING - do they fall asleep easily? what helps them sleep?

Rosa!- she can't fall asleep just anywhere. she has to be in her bed and in her comfy clothes. Rua!- loves to fall asleep to music. He has a sleep playlist that now even Adrien needs him to play before bed. He likes to chat with Adrien while the music plays softly in the background. Danny!- Danny, in classic dad fashion, can sleep anywhere. Catch him dozing off in the morning while he's preparing coffee before work. Adrien!- He loves a good nap, especially one on their new sofa in the afternoon when the sun is peeking through the curtains (very catlike of him ‼️). At night, he loves the sleep while holding Rua :3

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

Rosa!- She used to have a little fox plushie as a baby. It was faded, torn, but well loved. When she had Adrien, she had it fixed and gave it to him! Eventually, he'll give it to Amaya :(

🍁 MAPLE LEAF - what is their favourite season? why?

Danny!- He loves the fall. More than the season, he loves preparing for a new class of kids. He loves back-to-school shopping. This year, he got a new classroom so he can't wait to get it ready.

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

Adrien!- He tries to carry himself with so much confidence, but it's a front. He's anxious and has a lot of self-doubt. He's insecure about his appearance and even a little insecure about his relationship.

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

Rosa!- I wanted a sim with a bright, warm personality. I wanted a sim who was confident and full of love despite being burned. Adrien!- A lot of Adrien's character building came from his in-game personality. He was a silly kid who loved his family and loved to be surrounded by people. Because he was raised by his single mother, who is just as bright and fun as he is, I wanted him to take on a lot of her traits. Rua!- He was supposed to be a very flirty sim, and in a way he still is. A hot guy that Adrien worked with who was unaware of how pretty he was and just very endearing. He went through so many different drafts before I decided on how he should look.

[jellolegos]

Got any korrasami headcannons?

Ok you probably didn’t want or ask for this, but here are my 10 fave headcanons (with illustrations because I usually draw them)

Jello’s Headcanons

1. Small Spoon Korra- Korra likes to be the small spoon, she rarely trusts anyone to keep her safe, but Asami takes the burden off her shoulders a little bit.

2. Korra visits Asami at her workshop: both of them lead busy lives but Korra will make a pitstop when she knows Asami is working late

3. Korra isn’t a morning person, but she’ll get up early to make Asami breakfast: pretty self explanatory, she simps for her gf like the rest of us, and Asami always forgets to eat breakfast

4. Asami wasn’t a dog person, until she met Naga: again, self explanatory, I think she never realised she would like a dog until she met Naga, who she pampers

5. They both have touch as their love language: Korra pretty clearly loves physical touch (whether its the Airkids or any of the other people in her life), Asami is also secretly a touch person, (@xaibaugrove has a great post on this that convinced me)

6. Korra is the “homemaker” of the two: As much as I love Asami I can’t see her being very good at cooking and cleaning (those were never necessary in her life), Korra takes on more of the responsibilities of the household because she knows Asami can be busy and forgetful. Korra is also neater of the two

7. Korra’s a little more feminine and Asami is a little more masculine than some of the fandom makes them out to be: gender/gender expression/gender identity is all weird and dumb to be honest. However, I have seen people in the fandom make Korra out to be super masculine, and Asami to be super femme, which I don’t always agree with. I see them as a product of their environment, Asami having to be the very public daughter of a famous socialite (tending toward the outward gender expression expected of her) and Korra always having to be the strong warrior Avatar, who is practical in her clothing and appearance (typically associated as more masculine). I think there should be a bit more wiggle room for these definitions, Korra might like makeup she’s just never been exposed to it in a white lotus compound where everyone is 20 years older and Asami might love to wear power suits in the boardroom, who knows. This is just my personal headcanon, whatever makes sense to you is what you should follow. This post does a good job summing up my sentiments

8. Asami proposes: she doesn’t want to lose Korra again without showing her how much she loves her

9. They’d have kids: Maybe I’m just gay and soft for wlw families, but I think they would have kids (somehow), at least a few because they would know how lonely it was as single children. Korra could have them, Asami could have them, they could each have one, a spirit could give babies to them, either way I think they’d have kids and make good mums.

10. They’d live long lives: I think they definitely could live long lives, despite all the hardship. 

Thanks for reading and for asking, I’m sorry to clog up anyone’s feed :) I love answering these thank you <3

[weebswrites]

Hello! I was thinking for the main 7 bois + the un-dateables with An artist mc that likes to draw,paint, ect and always has some form of colourful smudge all over their face or paint splatter on their hands/ hair /anywhere??? ( bonus points if mc cant help themselves and paint on everything!!)

The Demon Bros & Undatables w/an Artist MC

Lucifer

• At first he was ?? just clean it off ?? or be neater ??

• But once he watched you work one afternoon he understood

• And also realized how cute it was

• The paint and smudges on your arms (and hair? He had no idea how you’d managed to get paint in your hair, but after watching he understood heh) was just as much part of the artwork as the actual piece itself

• The more he sees you with little (or big) paint smudges on your face and arms, the more he loves it

Mammon

• “MC! Ya got paint on yerself!”

• You explain that you know and that you liked it there. It makes you feel artsy

• He doesn't completely understand, but he’s not about to judge you for it

• Walks into your room to hand out and sees you with green and blue paint all over your arms, and watches you intently (while asking many questions) to see just how you manage to always end up covered in whatever medium you were using

Leviathan

• He sometimes makes art of his favorite fandoms (except Ruri-chan. Because she belongs to him <3) to sell, so he understands how much of a messy process it can be

• But he switched to drawing on a tablet hundreds of years ago, so he forgets the extent to which you can get dirty

• You stop by one afternoon to watch anime and have a strand of green paint through your hair

• He blushes and giggles a bit at the sight, and compliments you on your new hair

• You laugh with him and make a mental note to shower before bed

Satan

• He draws sometimes so he’s used to the smudges, but is shocked that you manage to get paint on essentially every surface of your body

• Makes fun of you for it, but you know he secretly thinks it’s cute

• Sometimes you two draw together, and you absolutely take your paintbrush and paint a green stripe down his arm >:)

• At first he’s upset, but he can never stay mad at you for longer than a second, so he wipes it off across your cheek

• Cute paint fight

Asmodeus

• “That can’t be good for your skin!”

• Whenever you head over and are covered in your art (so every time) he draws you a bath and gives you his most hydrating and moisturizing body wash he has

• Sits beside you (or in the tub with you, whatever you’re comfortable with) and lectures you on how bad acrylic paint is for your skin

• You try to tell him it’s fine and that it’s never affected you before, but he will not hear it

• You appreciate his care for your skin and wellbeing and gladly let him pamper you

Beelzebub

• Doesn’t notice at first, but one day when he sees you with a large orange mark on your jeans, he notices

• Asks what happened, and you explain that you were painting a piece you’d finally finished sketching and accidentally gotten the paint on your pants

• Asks to watch you draw sometime (he’s interested because you’re interested)

• Likes to pick at the paint on your arms while you’re working, weirdly satisfied by the way it comes off in little flakes

• You notice this and start getting more paint on your arms so that he can pick it off later

Belphegor

• Notices when he’s falling asleep with his face in your hair and gets a big whiff of paint

• “Uh, MC, there’s paint in your hair”

• “Oh yeah, I know. It’s dried now so it won’t stain anything”

• He doesn’t mind any potential stains, really just misses the smell of your hair as he falls asleep

• You make sure to tie your hair back so his naps are as enjoyable as possible

Diavolo

• He’s always very neat and orderly, so when you show up in messy ripped jeans and a loose tee-shirt, he’s surprised

• “MC, you’re covered in paint!” he notices, but definitely thinks it’s cute

• “Yeah, I guess I am” you laugh, looking down at yourself, “I just finished a piece and it had a ~ton~ of colors involved”

• He thinks it’s cute and asks you for a piece just for him

• Definitely not to hang in his office, to look at when he misses you

• Buys you a smock to wear while you paint, but you wear it more as a cardigan (and spray his cologne on it)

Barbatos

• He likes abstract paintings and even creates them in his (limited) free time

• So when you show up covered in an array of paints, he loves that this is something you can share

• You buy each other sketchbooks and fill them with little drawings/paintings of things that make you think of each other

• It’s very cute and he frames his favorites from you, hanging them around his room to look at

• Brags to his friends (mainly Diavolo) about how talented you are

Simeon

• Loves art !

• He’s never created it, but he loves the liberal arts, so he loves that you create such beautiful art

• Loves to watch you sketch (specifically the way you could create such intricate drawings from a blank page) and paint (the way you could take three colors and create a masterpiece, blending the colors to create a new rainbow)

• He encourages you to enter your work in competitions, and you end up making quite a name for yourself

• Supportive :’)

Solomon

• Only experience with art was the few art classes he took in the human world

• Upon finding out that you’re an artist (you insist it’s just a hobby, but he knows that your talent is undeniable)

• Thinks the way you’re always covered in paint and smudges is adorable, and likes to tease you about it

• You want to paint all over his hair since it’s white like your canvases, but you settle for drawing silhouettes of him to design his hair in many ways

• You ~almost~ get him to dye his hair like one of your designs, but he has too many formal events to go to for his work

Luke

• “MC! I didn’t know you were into painting!”

• You show him some of your work, and his eyes light up like a puppy (I had to hjgdks)

• “You’re amazing!” he compliments you, and usually doesn’t pay mind to the paint all over your clothes and skin

• You two definitely have a lil paint war as well, and he gets Very competitive about it

--------------------

A/N: Hi!! I loved this prompt heh, a casual little hc was exactly what I needed :) I love your requests and am currently working through my asks, so I’ll get to the rest of them soon (hopefully lol, school is stressful)

[orobaxi]

aftercare.

always brings his lover some water & a small snack, & will carry them to the bath if needed. will check your body for any injuries, & will always apologize, even after you insist that it’s fine.

body part.

he loves your face so, so much. from the way that you look at him when he tells you he loves you, to that soft smile you give him when the two of you finish. it’s perfect in every way imaginable, & he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

cum.

his cum is a bit on the thicker side, with a normal clear-to-white color. it’s neither salty or sweet, however, sometimes it has an odd hint of metal.

dominant/submissive.

zhongli’s a softer dominant that has his rougher moments, however, he’ll be the submissive one on occasion. while he enjoys being in control, he enjoys blindly trusting his partner just as much.

experience.

although he’s met many people who have been sexually interested in him, he rarely had the same feelings for them. he’s had sex before, but it’s been a few years since his last encounter. it’s completely understandable for him to be nervous the first few times he has sex again.

favorite position.

any position where he can see your face. zhongli adores being able to see the pleasure he’s giving you, & he loves being able to simply lean in & kiss you at any given moment. he’s particularly fond of having one of your legs over his shoulder, though. & to be fair, it allows for deeper penetration, so it’s quite understandable as to why he enjoys it so much.

goofy.

he sees sex as a serious act, & doesn’t joke around much. during foreplay, there may be a joke here & there, but beyond that? absolutely not. if you were to joke around though, he wouldn’t mind too much.

hair.

trimmed short, & he tries his best to keep it in a neater shape than what it naturally is. his pubic hair does match the hair on the top of his head perfectly, though… so, it might glow, too.

intimacy.

frequent whispers of “i love you,” accompanied by many slow kisses, gentle touches, & words of praise… or making you beg like a common whore for him to fuck you, only to leave you on the edge over & over again. it depends on his mood, really.

jack off.

while he doesn’t masturbate often – he gets embarrassed simply thinking about it – he always does it to the thought of his lover. he’d be absolutely mortified if you were to catch him in the act, though. i don’t think he’d be able to look you in the eyes for a day or so.

kinks.

begging, breeding, creampies, edging, gentle/slow sex, light bondage, lingerie, overstimulation, praise, & “sir/master.” he’d be quite vanilla before exploring these things with his partner, though.

location.

as long as it’s in a private area, he doesn’t care too much about where you two have sex. on a desk or counter? alright, as long as you’re comfortable. on a couch? okay, but let him know if you’d like to go to the bed. in truth, the bed’s his favorite place. i mean, it’s always going to be comfortable, & it’s a relatively easy clean up compared to a desk… he has a record of shoving all the shit on the desk to the floor before fucking you on it, unfortunately.

motivation.

dirty talk, lingerie, & teasing touches are the main things that get him going. he fucking loves lingerie – simply telling him that you have some on under your clothes is enough to get him hot & bothered. the thought of you sitting on the bed in that, waiting for him to walk in, knowing he’ll pounce on you the moment he sees you… fuck, it’s so sexy to him. for dirty talk & teasing touches, however, you’ll have to know what you’re doing in order to get a rise out of him. lightly stroking his thigh, just a little too close to his dick, or gently touching his sides… whispering how bad you want – no, need – him, telling him that you don’t care what he does to you, you just need him to fuck you however he wants… &, to really seal the deal, throw a “sir” or two in there.

no.

he could never agree to hurting you. while spanking may be iffy, slapping & punching are a hard no. there’s also the whole “consensual non-consent” thing, & it’s really because he’s afraid of you forgetting the safeword – & he doesn’t understand the appeal of it. after all, your partner letting you know they really want to have sex is one of the hottest things they could do… in his opinion, at least.

oral.

he prefers receiving over giving, but it’s only out of fear that he’s not truly pleasing you when he preforms oral on you. he knows it’s a bit silly – after all, why would his lover fake it? wouldn’t they rather guide him to where their sweet spots are? still, he can’t help but feel a bit insecure. of course, that won’t stop him from fulfilling your wishes. zhongli just doesn’t know what it is about you that makes him love oral so much. perhaps its the way you look up at him through your eyelashes, with those beautiful, teary eyes of yours. maybe it’s the way you swallow his cum effortlessly… or, maybe it’s the way your throat tightens when you choke on his dick. 

pace.

agonizingly slow for the first few moments, & then he slowly goes faster & faster. he always tries to stay in control of himself, though; you’re going to have to either catch him in a more dominant mood, or rile him up to the point where he doesn’t care about control anymore. pounding inside of you & gripping you so tightly his fingertips leave multicolored bruises – giving you no time to rest before the next thrust.

quickie.

while he doesn’t particularly like them, he may have one with you once in a blue moon. it really depends on how riled up you’ve got him, & if you’re the one who initiates the quickie. otherwise, he’d much rather wait until the two of you got home.

risk.

while he doesn’t like taking extreme risks, he’s up for a some smaller ones here & there. it usually takes a bit of persuasion on your end, though.

stamina.

surprisingly, he can go for hours on end – the only things that stop him are other responsibilities & his lover getting tired. if he has a rare free day on his calendar, though, he might dedicate most of that day to having sex with you. it depends on how riled up he’s gotten.

toys.

doesn’t own any. why would he use them anyway? half the fun is using them on someone else – or so he thinks, at least. if his partner wants toys, though, he’d consider purchasing one or two.

unfair.

he only teases if he’s provoked. once he starts, though, you’ll soon regret your actions. he won’t be bold enough to tease you under a table at the the third round knockout, for example, but he will be bold enough to utter absolutely filthy things into your ear that leave you a blushing, breathless mess… & this man has the nerve to say: “are you alright, love? you feel a bit warm.” with a worried look on his face, every single damn time.

volume.

when he’s dominant, you can expect deep, soft groans & almost inaudible whispers of praise. “you’re adorable when you say my name like that. keep saying it.” “you take my cock so well, huh? you’re doing so good, my love. you’re doing so good.” 

when he’s submissive, though, you’ll receive moans & whimpers that seem to be a bit higher-pitched than normal. he’s perfectly content with biting a pillow & muffling his noises, but then you wouldn’t get to hear him begging. “ahh– please, i need you so bad, my love. please– fuck–!” “it feels so good, it’s– it’s too much–!”

wild card.

fantasizes about his partner degrading him, although, he’s not sure why. perhaps it’s the whole “disrespecting a god” thing.

xray.

considering that he’s taller than average & has a slimmer build, one would assume that he isn’t too toned underneath those clothes of his. however, you’ll be pleasantly surprised once you discover that his looks truly are deceiving. for his cock, though, he’s average length, & far above average in girth. it’s definitely going to hurt if you aren’t adequately prepared beforehand – even if you don’t, though, the pain will fade into pleasure within a few moments.

yearning.

over the years, he’s become amazing at suppressing his desires. on some days, though, his drive seems to skyrocket – he doesn’t understand why, either. those are the days when, as soon as he’s done with his shift at the wangsheng funeral parlor, he heads straight home & either masturbates or has sex with his lover. usually, though, he’s up for it whenever his partner is – that is, unless they’re trying to have sex when he’s doing something important, of course.

zzz.

this man never seems to truly get tired – in fact, he’ll almost always be the first one to get up & start cleaning up any messes the two of you made. he’ll always lay back down & make himself take a quick nap with you after he’s done cleaning, though.

❥  stole this idea & (most of the) alphabet from @rosens-new-dawn​. 💞

[klixxy]

Genshin Fic Recs

so... i ventured into the vast world of Google looking for some good GI fic recs... only to find such a pitiful amount that i was promptly devastated. therefore, the solution is to make my own! :D

keep in mind most of these will be ChiLi or XingYun, and yes, i will try not to include smut unless it was one i really really liked. if anyone wants a separate list for just smut (though that will most likely be shorter) i can try to make one later.`

ft. my bookmark comments :)

CHILI

wrapped up in pure gold by beyondwinter

(chili; accidental marriage; chili/childe-centric; 22k words; ongoing)

"Do you understand its meaning, Childe?" He finally asks. There's a hard glint in his eyes, like he's trying to steel himself for his answer.

"Yeah." Loyalty and devotion, right? Between business partners? "I do. It's traditional, isn't it?"

Zhongli's eyes glow a warm amber in the near darkness, reflecting the soft shine of the lanterns. He studies his face with a strange intensity, as though Childe were a piece of high quality Nocticulous Jade being sold for suspiciously small sum and he's trying to find the blemishes that would explain the price. The weight of his gaze should be uncomfortable, boring into him like he can see into the very depths of his abyss-tainted soul, but Childe finds himself preening under the attention instead.

Childe accidentally proposes to Zhongli. Zhongli accepts.

The World is Water by Millereflets

(chili; smut; hurt/comfort; chili-centric; 7k words; oneshot)

Childe doesn't visit Zhongli until it's almost too late.

(my bookmarks: HOW DO YOU MAKE A SMUT SCENE SO POETIC HOLY SHITTTTT)

Set in Stone by seredemia

(chili; fake dating au; angst; some smut?; chili/chiilde-centric; 55k words; ongoing)

What do you do when you write about a certain six thousand year old consultant so much in your letters that it somehow convinces your entire family you're not only dating each other, but that you're also engaged?

In Childe's case, the answer is plain and simple: he goes along with it, of course. Absolutely nothing can go wrong if he makes a contract with the God of Contracts, vowing that the two of them will pretend to be lovers for the duration of his family's stay in Liyue. Afterwards, they'll return as normal and speak no more of this mess. No feelings or complications involved whatsoever.

Contract accepted. A fool-proof plan set in stone. Right?

Private Ledger of the Eleventh Harbinger by JuHuaTai

(chili; humor; getting together; chili/ekaterina-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

“So guess what I did next?”

Ekaterina contemplated not answering, but Harbinger Tartaglia was just… grinning and waiting. It’s honestly rather creepy the longer time passed.

In the end, she gave a long suffering sigh that seems lost on him, “You bought him the Erhu—“

“I bought him the antique, cor lapis based Erhu,”

-

When she first left her homeland for the unknown nation of Liyue, Ekaterina was ready to be many things: To be a soldier, to fell Tsaritsa’s enemies in her name, to bring glory to Snezhnaya and her leader.

Being a receptionist in a cozy bank wasn’t so bad in comparison, but she absolutely can do without the front row seat to Harbinger Tartaglia’s (expensive) love life.

i know i'm where i'm meant to go by paperclips (pastel_paperclips)

(chili; humor; fluff; chili-centric; 12k words; ongoing)

"Childe," Zhongli says suddenly. "I am enjoying myself greatly." Childe’s face breaks into a grin. "Then-" Zhongli gasps, grabbing his wrist and tugging him over to an unsuspecting peddler with a cart full of rocks. "Is that an intrusive igneous pegmatite formed in the Inazuma regions?" Childe’s grin smooths into a small, adoring smile. He has all the time in the world to figure the other man out.

OR: Finding the Geo Archon is on Childe's to-do list but hanging out with Zhongli is significantly more fun.

CHILIVEN

Crumbling Stone by avtorSola

(chiliven; ANGST; PAIN; mind control; zhongli-centric; 74k words; ongoing)

When Morax unleashes his plan to test the Liyue Qixing and his adepti, he does not take into account the stirring of the Abyss Order in the north and the corruption of Dvalin - for why would he fear an organization that works in such shadows? He is secure in his power, after all, unlike his flighty ex, the absentee archon of Mondstadt who rises only when his people are in danger.

But, somehow, the Abyss Order discovers his plan. Somehow, they capitalize on it. And he, the God of Stone who cannot sicken, is struck down - taken by an order bent on destroying all of humanity as Liyue crumbles around him. For even Archons aren't immune to Durin's blood, and Morax is no exception. But then the question becomes - if even Archons may fall to the agony of this corrupting burn - how is their traveling friend Aether immune?

The answer comes from beyond the stars - an ancient malice that knows no kindness or mercy. A malice whose legacy the Abyss Order now bears, seeking to topple all the Archons and their people into the void of utter destruction. And they have begun in Liyue.

Fortunately, it takes a long time to erode stone.

(my bookmarks: IM SCREAMING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

PLATONIC ZHONGVEN

left-behind city by trixstar

(platonic zhongven; angst; ANGST; venti-centric; 1k words; oneshot)

"An associate of mine has just informed me that Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon has been assassinated."

Venti blinks.

Or: Venti and how he copes with finding out he is all that remains.

i circle ten thousand years long; and i still do not know if i am a falcon, a storm, or an unfinished song by birdsofpassage

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 4k words; oneshot)

Venti and Zhongli, and the vignettes of a much-needed vacation around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: ; - ;      ;  -  ; )

oh ye with little faith by air_fried_air

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

Two former archons do a little tour around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: why are all genshin angst fics so melancholy.... i feel so empty)

the wind through the mountain tops by glassdrachma

(platonic zhongven; humor; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 21k words; finished)

Boredom brings Barbatos of Mondstadt to bother a certain ex-Archon of the Earth.

(my bookmarks: venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship-)

XINGYUN

the art of exorcism by Agried

(xingyun; ghost au; hurt/comfort; chongyun-centric; 9k words; oneshot)

On the road back from one of his jobs, Chongyun runs into Xingqiu, the wandering swordsman. And then they keep meeting, over and over again. or, alternately; how a ghost and an exorcist learn how to love, one step at a time.

Bane of All Evil by tzitzimeme

(xingyun; humor; romance; chongyun-centric; 24k words; hiatus)

When Chongyun unintentionally offends Liyue's second most powerful adepti, he vows to mend the thorny relationship between Adeptus Xiao and human exorcists-- even though no one has succeeded in currying Xiao's favor for over a thousand years.

His best friend Xingqiu offers to come alone, mainly because he's worried about what kind of trouble Chongyun will run into. Along the way, they receive help from others: Xiangling packs them meals for their journeys, while Zhongli gives them advice on what demons to track.

Childe is just there because he thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

[On indefinite hiatus due to burnout; sorry!]

kiss me slowly (so i don't forget) by xiwangmu

(xingyun; humor; romance; light angst; xingqiu-centric; 8k words; oneshot)

Wangshu Inn Bulletin Board

Guest Message: My best friend whom I harbor affections for kissed me last night, but due to his special condition he does not recall a single moment of it. I am quite conflicted about whether to disclose these events to him or not, because that would most certainly require me to confess my feelings as well. If anyone has experience in romancing boys with excessive positive energy, this one humbly asks you to share some advice.

Reply: Our greatest apologies—although we would like to offer some words in response, we simply cannot decipher your handwriting. Perhaps you may return with a neater message next time?

time trials by idlestars

(xingyun/many ships; humor; modern au; xingyun-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

A modern social media AU.

Xingqiu Teases Demons. Chongyun Almost Cries. [The clip shows Xingqiu, lit by the sickly green of night vision, as he stares bored into a dark room. He’s alone - Chongyun left to see if Xingqiu could lure out the ghosts. Xingqiu glances at the camera, smirks, and then opens his mouth.

“Hey demons, it’s me, yah boy.”]

OTHER/GEN

woe be the wallet of the god of wealth by glassdrachma

(gen; humor; identity reveal; keqing/zhongli-centric; 12k words; finished)

Or, the story of how the Yuheng of the Qixing came to idolize, befriend, and discover the identity of the God of Geo, in that order.

(personal comments: hilarious, made me burst out into laughter multiple times, and was just a masterful piece of writing)

to dream of dust by miao_x

(guili/gen; ANGST; hurt/no comfort; zhongli-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

Some nights, Zhongli dreams.

He dreams of soft light, golden song, and a gentle breeze whispering tales of millennia past. It is warm, familiar, and comforting.

It feels like home.

And then he opens his eyes, and awakes to reality.

(my bookmarks: oh zhongli... made me cry)

To drown in your own tears by C_rin_nyan

(guili/gen; ANGST; TEARS; PAIN; zhongli-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

As Rex Lapis, he had never shed a tear, even as he slaughtered hundreds, destruction following his every step. As Zhongli, he had shed much more than he would like to admit, however.

Or, “Zhongli’s soul gave its last scream long ago, yet even now, the echo of said sound was still strong enough to reach Rex Lapis.”

[hope-to-hell]

Campfire Stories. Steve Rogers x Reader. Smut, handjobs, wound treatment, my first outing with this fella. The world didn’t get better when the Snap was undone. But this time Steve sticks around.

—-

When all around is pain and death and nothing is right anymore, there’s still Steve. You know he dropped the shield when it no longer meant something bright and good and hopeful. One day he looked around and all he saw was the fading afterimage of what he’d wanted to protect. He gave the finger to the old symbols— yeah, even the golden boy knows a thing or two about rudeness, he is and was a soldier and he will die with his boots on— and he walked into the dark.

There’s stories about you, ya know. Like the one where you disappear into the past.

To do what? It’s another rough night and Steve’s got blood in his beard. Some of it is his. Though he tries to play it off as nothing much, he can’t help grimacing when you press fingerprints into the grit caked onto his flesh.

To make sweet love to some pretty girl, I hear. Steve snorts and it sends a rivulet of blood down his chest; the stitching-up is better than the debriding but either way it’s a lousy time. They say you left without looking back.

This house is a burnt-out husk but the walls still stand; you’ve got a clean sheet and a dirty mattress to hold its beating heart. Steve reclines and the springs squeak; he breathes and little creatures scurry off into the dark. When the last stitch is placed he looks down and almost speaks. The work is neater than it’s been before but the stitches still stagger drunkenly down his chest. It’ll be better the next time and the next, despite your best hopes that this time will be the last. He may have put down the shield but that means his body bears the brunt of enemy fire.

I used to be shorter, you know. He doesn’t say weaker because that would be a lie; his body may be thick and hard and vast now but it’s never been his strength. He is stubborn, and kind even when he isn’t nice, and he loves with his whole heart. That is where his strength lies.

Glad you grew. Otherwise I’d be wrapping you in a winding sheet instead of stitching you up. As it is, we’re gonna have to stay here for a while. When everyone came back the world was supposed to be better; it was supposed to be hugs and kisses and warm crusty bread with jam. It wasn’t supposed to be hunger and war and chaos. It wasn’t supposed to be worse. It wasn’t supposed to be digging shrapnel out of Steve’s chest, telling stories to distract him from the pain. Hey. Wanna hear another one?

Shoot, sweetheart.

I heard that when the world lost its shine you joined the mob. You had polished shoes and rings on your fingers and a different girl riding your dick every night.

Sounds exhausting.

And a little hot?

And a little hot.

Rest is at a premium; he dreams of a little place by the river where he can watch the ships go by. He dreams of sketching your naked shoulder as you lean against the porch rail, and the way the light changes when it rains. He dreams and knows that he will likely never see any of it. Even giants fall. One day he’ll be a little too slow, and that’ll be it. So for now he puts aside all his fresh hurts and listens to your campfire stories.

Wanna hear another one? Stars shine through gaps in the roof and are reflected in his eyes; he looks less of a hero and more of a world-weary traveler. He smells like blood and sweat and the musk of an unwashed man; the hair of his armpit tickles your face when you settle in close. Like this it’s almost possible to forget that everything around you is a catastrophic mess. All that matters is his warmth and bulk and the way his breath catches when you lick at him under his arm, tongue running over some old scar or other that he doesn’t talk about. This one’s great, you’ll love it. One time I heard you learned sorcery and made yourself invisible. Then when the bad guys showed up you’d just blast them into orbit and they never saw it coming.

Do any of your stories have a happy ending?

Sure, plenty. There’s one where you become a professor of art; you wear lots of cozy sweaters and sit by the fire with your lover in the evenings.

You made that part up.

Caught me. You really spend the whole time making passionate love on every available surface. It’s a good story and a soft one, the sort of life that seems farther away every day. Steve leans down far enough to brush his beard over your forehead; his hand finds yours on its journey south.

I don’t think I can—

It’s okay. Lie back and let me take care of you.

Your hand is warm and wet with spit and it curls over his flesh with a burning drag; it’s not enough and he moans out here. Give me your hand. His tongue plays counterpoint to the rasp of his beard, taking in saliva and salt and the blood that never quite comes off. He licks and suckles and leaves your palm sloppy wet; droplets shine like stars and he is breathing hard before he lets you go. Fuck. Ah, fuck. Stings a little. And yet, he guides your hand back down with fingers curled delicately over your wrist.

Tch. You gotta relax. I’ll tell you another story. It’s better this time, friction reduced to a sweet insistence; with every pass of your palm over the head, the muscles of his belly twitch. When the world was young, we learned how to fuck. It was messy and filthy, right there on the shore where we first crawled from the sea. We traded bits of ourselves and we were happy, for a time. Steve is watching, eyes bright against the filth still crusted on his face. He starts to speak, but falls apart on a gasping breath.

I don’t know where this fight will lead. Probably nowhere good. But we have to try. I have to try. He helps to clean away the bitter salt from your hand; it coats his tongue and yours as you trade this part of him between you, and afterward you tuck yourself against him, surrounded by his scent and taste. Thank you, he says. Maybe it’s for your touch, or your company, or for something more. I want to tell you a story now. Once upon a time, there was a house by the shore.

[jacksjoke]

Title: a firm foothold Pairing: Pitch/Bank Excerpt:      Pitch looks at the way Bank bites his lip, his fingers holding tightly to the hem of his shirt, and asks, “Bank, are you… okay?”      “Yeah,” Bank says, but sighs when Pitch raises his eyebrows. “Not really.” Ao3 link

Read story under cut.

     “As if we’d leave!”

     Sky shakes his head. His frustrated, overwrought expression has stiffened his features and Pitch doesn’t want to imagine the kind of fear he’s enduring right now. “We won’t know anything until tonight, if that,” Sky says plainly. “And anyway, they’ve already said he can’t have visitors until they’re sure he’s more stable, so there’s no use in all of us hanging around.”

     “So you’ll be going home too then?” Bank deadpans.

     “He needs me,” Sky says. At Bank’s mouth opening once more, he goes on, “Bank, one of my dad’s men is already on the way back with fresh clothes for me. Just go home, eat something. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

     Bank’s mouth is set, his eyebrows drawn, and Pitch can tell he wants to fight Sky on this. It’s not hard to understand, really; they rescued their friend from a mob kidnapping only to watch another get shot unconscious. They’re standing here alive by the skin of their teeth and to leave Sky like this is the opposite of who Bank is.

     “Bank,” Pitch says, setting his hand hesitantly to the younger’s back. After a second, Bank looks at him, still frowning. “We’re covered in dust and haven’t eaten since morning. Let’s just head back for now.” He gives the slightest inclination of his chin toward Sky, a pointed look in his eyes that says they need to give their friend space, and Bank’s shoulders deflate as he sighs.

     “You’ll really tell us if something changes?” he asks Sky. “Promise?”

     Sky grins a tired smile. “Yes, Bank. I promise.”

     Bank nods once, satisfied, and pats Sky’s arm kindly before turning on his heel with a little wave. “Bye bye,” he says. “Don’t forget!”

     Sky rolls his eyes a little but nods, shooing them away. Pitch glances backward as he follows after Bank and catches the way Sky’s body has sagged forward, eyes already fallen to the floor. He needs time to process on his own, Pitch knew that, but it still hurts to see a friend going through something no one can fix.

     “I’m starving,” Bank announces, sliding into the passenger’s seat.

     “Let’s stop for a bite.”

     Bank nods immediately, then appears to realise something in looking at Pitch. At Bank’s nose wrinkling, Pitch looks down at his filthy uniform. “P’, we’re a mess,” Bank voices.

     “Showers it is.”

     Bank nods again and switches the music on as Pitch turns out of the hospital parking. It’s quiet aside from the Scrubb CD Bank had at one point snuck into the radio of Pitch’s car. He isn’t too into the band but their sound always brings a happy sort of look onto Bank’s face, so Pitch isn’t going to fight him on it.

     Pitch rolls to a stop outside Bank’s gate and looks at him, expecting him to say something like a goodbye, but Bank’s eyes are glued to the house itself.

     “Uh, Bank?” Pitch says. “Bank.”

     “Huh?” Bank blinks. “Sorry. I was going to say you can come in to eat.”

     “You wanted to clean up, I thought.”

     Another blink. “Oh. Yeah, I do.” Bank wordlessly gets out of the car, to Pitch’s confusion, and is halfway to the gate when he turns back around and says, “You can still come in though.”

     Pitch rolls down his window, sure that he’d misheard. “What?”

     “Come inside. We can shower and eat.” Bank shifts on his feet. “You’re already here, as hungry as I am.”

     Pitch waits for Bank to rescind the invitation, but he just stands there waiting. So Pitch parks the car and does as he’s told.

     Bank’s house is massive, though both of his parents being successful doctors lessens Pitch’s surprise on what they might afford. Pitch lives comfortably but this is sort of overwhelming, even for him. Bank being who he is, he likely puts on every light and the television to avoid being spooked when he has the place to himself. The thought has Pitch glancing at Bank, wanting to take his hand as they move for the staircase, but he refrains.

     Bank’s bedroom is much neater than Pitch would have imagined. Maybe it was because Bank held no qualms about jumping drunk onto a bed that wasn’t his own, but Pitch had almost assumed that Bank’s space would be something of a disaster.

     “The floor’s usually a disaster so it’s lucky I cleaned up yesterday,” Bank reads his mind, digging around the dresser.

     The room is decorated sparingly, the majority of it confined to the wall behind the bed, floor to ceiling covered in posters ranging from popular anime to bands Pitch couldn’t begin to guess the names of. Scrubb has made a home in here too; there’s one poster that has its members for some reason holding vegetables? Pitch shakes his head, resigned to just not ask.

     “Here, P’.” Pitch turns to find Bank offering pajamas his way. “It’s just a long sleeve and shorts. We can run the laundry and clean up your stuff.”

     “Thanks,” Pitch says.

     “Mm. You can use my bathroom; I’ll shower in my parents’.” Bank disappears into the hall, leaving Pitch on his own. With time to himself he takes in the room some more. It even smells clean, and like Bank. There’s a small grey sofa and more than one bookshelf besides, each littered with action figures, comics, and textbooks. Pitch can just picture Bank reading on the sofa, or complaining about something or other to Sky at the desk.

     Pitch probably shouldn’t be as oddly giddy as he is to just be standing here, but he can’t help it. Even the bathroom makes Pitch smile; it smells of Bank’s soap, and there’s his infamous hair gel.

     Pitch spots his own reflection grinning stupidly in the mirror and Pitch coughs, looking away. If he doesn’t move a little faster, Bank is going to walk in to find him still standing here like a weirdo. He’d probably laugh and mortify Pitch, and that notion is enough to get him in the shower pronto.

     When he comes out, Bank is on the sofa, head bent as he types away on his phone. The shirt he’d been planning to wear is abandoned on the cushion, like he’d gotten distracted halfway through dressing. Pitch grins and tiptoes up to the sofa.

     “The return of Ticklish Godzilla — ” he begins with a grumble in his voice, but he has time only to finish the sentence before Bank is yanking Pitch onto the sofa by his neck like a rag doll. He flips over with a, “Oi!” to land neatly in Bank’s lap, the air knocked from his lungs at the sneak attack. He must be smiling like an idiot regardless.

     “Vanquished,” Bank says, digging his fingers into Pitch’s sides in retaliation.

     “Don’t — ” Pitch squirms out of Bank’s grasp and jumps to his feet. “Don’t even try it.”

     Bank shakes his head, grinning, and with distance between them Pitch takes in Bank’s damp, loose hair. His lack of a shirt is also sinking in, which has Pitch’s skin itching even though this isn’t the first time he’s seen Bank damp and shirtless this month. He clears his throat again.

     “Are you good to eat?” he asks, wincing immediately at himself, but Bank just nods happily.

     “I ordered pizza,” he says, then frowns. “Unless you want something else. I can — ”

     “Pizza’s fine.”

     “Okay.” He tugs his shirt on as they go down the hallway, much of Pitch’s efforts pointed at not looking at the muscle of Bank’s back or arms.

     “I just messaged the girls about Sun. They’ll go tomorrow to visit too.”

     “Sure,” Pitch says. “I think I’ll head home after we eat, by the way. We could use some sleep.”

     Bank hesitates for just a second at the top of the stairs, then says, “I have every Lord of the Rings movie; have you seen them?”

     “I mean — I’ve seen some of the first.”

     Bank looks at him with wide eyes. “Seriously?” he demands, and Pitch is sort of worried he’s about to be cursed out. “That’s awesome! We can watch them tonight!”

     “Uh, aren’t they, like, pretty long?”

     Bank shrugs noncommittally but otherwise gives no answer as he bounds down the stairs like a hyperactive puppy.

     Two pizzas and a lot of soda later, Pitch is about ready to pass out. Bank seems to have more energy than ever though, so much so that Pitch doesn’t think even Ticklish Godzilla can save him now.

     “Hey, Bank,” he starts.

     “Sh!” Bank hisses. He takes these things incredibly seriously, Pitch has found. He hates when people talk during shows or movies, these times being some of the few that Bank wants total silence.

     “Bank,” Pitch tries again anyway.

     “P’!” Bank whines.

     Pitch pauses the movie on another speech given by a character he doesn’t know the name of and gives Bank a look.

     “It’s past 11,” he says. “I need to get home; I’m bone tired.”

     “But we haven’t finished it yet.”

     “I know, but — ”

     “And we still have two left.”

     “How long are these, exactly?” Pitch asks for another time.

     “Well, they’re the extended versions so they’re…” He trails off into a mumble.

     “What was that?”

     “About four hours,” Bank says louder, cheeks reddening.

     “In total?”

     “Each.”

     Pitch’s jaw slackens. “Each movie is four hours? We can’t watch them all tonight! If we have any hope of getting to the hospital before noon I can’t be awake right until we have to walk out the door, Bank.” Bank doesn’t look at him, his mouth a hard line. “We can watch them another time; I can come back — ”

     “It’s okay. You don’t have to; Sky thinks they’re boring too. I don’t actually care.”

     Pitch blinks slowly at the abrupt change. “Okay.”

     “It’s not about the movies, P’Pitch,” Bank admits after a moment.

     “What is it then?” He looks at the way Bank bites his lip, his fingers holding tightly to the hem of his shirt, and asks, “Bank, are you… okay?”

     “Yeah,” Bank says, but sighs when Pitch raises his eyebrows. “Not really.”

     “Bank, Sun’s going to be fine. And Sky can handle — ”

     “It’s not that,” Bank cuts in. “It’s not just that. I’m… I don’t…” Pitch has no idea what could be the cause of Bank’s sudden despondence, he really doesn’t. Everything had been perfectly normal from the drive home to now, hadn’t it?

     “My parents aren’t in town,” Bank says. “And my brother’s with his friends.” He doesn’t explain anything more, but Pitch can connect the dots from there. If Pitch is honest, he remembers the look on Bank’s face when they’d pulled up earlier. If Bank’s family isn’t here, Bank will have to spend the night alone, something he dislikes having to do on a good day. Compounded by their near-death at the mob’s hands, forget not wanting to sleep alone — Bank must be frightened to death that he’s in danger.

     “I know those guys got arrested but what if there’s more of them, P’?” he asks quietly. “We’re the reason they got caught.”

     “Bank, they aren’t going to come after you.”

     Bank’s eyebrows come together like he’s confused. “P’Pitch, I’m alone for one night, but you live by yourself every night. What if they show up to torture you like they did with Sky, or…” Pitch almost can’t believe what he’s hearing. Bank is scared for Pitch’s life, not his own. This stupid, selfless kid.

     “Bank,” Pitch starts again, too aware of the fondness in his voice, “that won’t happen. They wouldn’t get past me and my bat anyway.”

     “I’m not kidding around.”

     At Bank’s deadly glare, Pitch clears his throat and wipes any trace of jest from his face. “I know,” he says. “But I really don’t think we have to worry.”

     “You’re right — ” Bank agrees.

     “Good, I — ”

     “ — because you’re staying here with me.” Pitch stares at Bank, but he doesn’t look to be joking yet. “I don’t want to be on my own and I don’t want you to be either,” Bank says, matter-of-fact. “So stay.”

     Pitch knows better than to argue with Bank, so he doesn’t.

     “Alright,” he says. “I’ll… stay.”

     The tension melts from Bank’s face, a grin emerging like the sun from clouds, and Pitch can’t help smiling too. Bank goes to grab the remote, and Pitch’s smile drops. He can’t do eight more hours of these movies tonight, not even for the guy he likes.

     Pitch grabs Bank’s wrist, to his confusion. “I think we can call it for now, don’t you?” the former says.

     Bank gives an embarrassed grimace, switching off the television. “Right, P’. Let’s sleep.” Once on the second floor, Bank retrieves a heavy woven blanket from the hall closet along with an extra pillow. Pitch settles them onto the sofa without a word, and Bank doesn’t comment. He leaves the room, returning shortly with a face towel and toothbrush. Pitch thanks him with a small smile that Bank returns.

     Pitch has never brushed his teeth with another person, and it’s super weird, but he doesn’t hate it. If anything, it’s an excuse to sneak glances at Bank in the mirror and then make a dumb face to make Bank laugh when he’s caught.

     Bank shoves his bangs off his face as he undoes the bed, blowing up a little when strands remain stubborn on his forehead. His hair is dry now but as he’s home for the night he never bothered to gel it to the usual. It hangs in his face and may even need a trim, though Pitch is well aware that Bank would be afraid to alter his signature look. Maybe Pitch will get him some sort of glittery, purposely ridiculous clip to keep his hair up at night, so it doesn’t get in his way. Bank would love it.

     “Lights off?” he asks. At Bank’s nod from under his sheets, Pitch switches off the ceiling lights and heads for the sofa.

     They lay in the dark for a minute, then Bank says, “Thanks for staying.” Another few moments pass. “I shouldn’t have used the movies as an excuse to keep you here. Sorry.”

     “Why’re you apologising?” Pitch asks, reminiscent of their botched camping endeavour. He pauses to think of how to proceed. “What I mean is, you didn’t have to pretend, or anything. You don’t need an ‘excuse’ to want me here.”

     Bank is silent, and Pitch worries that he’d accidentally said way too much. He was just trying to be honest the way Bank always likes to be. Bank is so honest that it often takes Pitch aback; not just often, but always. He isn’t sure he’ll ever get used to the way Bank just says what he means, how he feels. He cares so much about every one of them, and having never experienced such a thing before makes it easy for Pitch to believe it can’t be true. So he didn’t tell Bank how he felt at the lake, or in the tent; even now Pitch feels like he’s on far too thin ice.

     But Bank walks into fights with mobsters because he doesn’t want Pitch to face them alone, so Pitch can afford to be a little braver.

     “Just tell me and I’ll… I’ll stay however long you need, whyever you need,” he promises, eyes on the ceiling, heart rabbiting in his chest.

     Pitch is about to hope Bank fell asleep and heard none of that when Bank says, “Can… can you sleep here?” Pitch’s eyebrows furrow, but Bank clarifies, “Up here, with me.”

     Pitch doesn’t dare take a breath, giving Bank a chance to change his mind. But just as the other times today, he simply waits for Pitch to answer.

     Pitch gets up from the sofa instead of speaking. Bank scoots over to make room and Pitch settles the pillow at the headboard before laying down himself. He’s holding his breath still, even while he drapes the woven blanket over himself and Bank too.

     Bank turns onto his side to look at Pitch, so he does the same. His heart has yet to slow down but he does it. The last time they’d slept close like this had been the volunteer trip, and it had ended with their backs to each other, Bank’s outline frigid and small. He’s curled up again, but his face is relaxed, arms held to his chest. He looks soft in the dark, without edges, and for an overwhelming second Pitch is furious with himself over how he’d handled that night in the tent.

     Bank had slept with the belief that he’d done something wrong, that Pitch was somehow unhappy with him. Pitch knows now how he feels, and tried to explain as much to Bank those couple nights ago, but… All he can say is that he never wants Bank to question how he feels for him ever again. For God’s sake, Pitch finds the smell of Bank’s soap endearing.

     If he’d gone home, he would have never slept tonight, the entire time likely spent thinking about Bank and if he’s okay on his own. How is it Bank seems to always know what Pitch needs before he knows it himself? Or maybe they just need the same thing.

     Pitch puts a hand on Bank’s waist, a ghost of a touch, and Bank opens his eyes just a little. He must be exhausted, even worse after having acted energetic the past however many hours, so he doesn’t say anything. He just shuffles closer to Pitch until he can hide bundled up in his arms. Pitch exhales.

     “I need you too,” he admits against Bank’s hair, and because he can’t help being cheeky, “Are you satisfied with that answer?”

     Sleepy, Bank tilts his head up with a quirked eyebrow and smirk. “Mm.” He gives a soft kiss to Pitch’s jaw, just because Bank knows it will devastate him. “This spot is better.” With that, he returns to his snug place against Pitch’s chest.

     If Pitch weren’t already half asleep, Godzilla would be having serious revenge right now.

     “G’night, P’Pitch,” Bank murmurs through a baby yawn.

     Pitch settles for holding Bank as close as he can, which is a damn good deal.

[heymeowmao]

2022.04.30 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324764011336958305

Have a great weekend~!

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Welcome!

C: You’re not planning on having a bite to eat? LYN: Your normal eating time is yours but mine is... uncertain. As an outstanding actor, one of the basic requirements is to...defy hunger. Because sometimes we’ll be working on shooting the drama and it’ll be lunch time, but we have to continue shooting. We can’t just stop what we’re doing to eat. LYN: It must be a lot of people’s dinner time now though, so if you’re eating you can continue and watch my stream at the same time. It’ll help you eat more. C: I’ve already eaten. LYN: That’s nice. You’re full so... you have the strength to watch my stream, is that it? But watching my streams don’t require much strength... 

LYN: Happy May 1st~ C: A May 1st without Heroes isn’t happy. LYN: I saw Tencent made a post of all the dramas it will air in May. Heroes is listed in there. They typed the title wrong.... at this rate, do you think it can air?? LYN: I send it to our group chat and told them it seemed like it would air soon. They said, “Probably.” But it’s really hard to say. These announcements are only temporary, we won’t know for sure whether it will air or not. I guess it depends on the boss’s mood- whichever one he wants to air will air, whichever one he wants to see first. It’s only a matter of time now. I told the chat not to be anxious- our time will come sooner or later.

C: What a refreshing hairdo. LYN: Yeah. When I streamed the last time people were saying my hair was a mess and didn’t look nice. I remember someone’s mother said I was “greasy”. So I decided to make my hair a little cleaner and neater this time around. I don’t expect anyone to be calling me “greasy” during this stream.  C: You sure can hold a grudge. LYN: This has nothing to do with my grudges. I only wish those who have something against me do better and better. They’re only giving me some nice advice- there’s nothing to hold a grudge for. 

C: I had a feeling you would stream today. LYN: What nonsense “feeling”? I always usually stream on a Fri-Sat-Sun, because I know you have the day off. Statistically speaking, it’s usually always Saturday. What “feeling” can you have? I didn’t even predict I would stream today. I just thought it was Saturday, so I should come. But I can’t stream ALL the time, because then it will give people the impression that I have nothing to do. Like I’m very untalented- that’s likely to hinder my future development. So I have to make it seem like I’m busy, and that way it’ll look like I am constantly working on one thing after another.  C: Since it’s the weekend, you can stream for longer. LYN: No, I’ve got other things to do. I’m doing a lot of things secretly. There are some other things I’ve got to work on, but my streams- I think once a week is good enough. The most I’ll do is stream 5-6 times in a month. If you want me to do more than that, I really can’t. LYN: I can manage once a week though. Don’t worry friends, I won’t let you go hungry. I said I would come stream at 6p and someone said that was right at their meal time. You can eat at anytime but my streams are only once a week- how precious, am I right?

C: The bg music is too loud. LYN: This is the mood I want. You just don’t understand. A stream is like a restaurant: it’s hard to please everyone. Some people get excited when the music is loud, some people think it’s noisy, like hearing Ning-ge’s croaking voice. C: Will we spend the new year? LYN: Not today- I started at 6p. That would mean I’d have to stream for more than 5 hours. Forget it.

C: It’s so lagging. LYN: That’s a problem on your end, not mine. Find somewhere with wifi to watch better. I advise you not to use your roaming data to watch my stream, unless you’re rich. My stream is quite hq, I don’t want you to have to pay (for data) too much to watch it. Find someplace with wifi to watch. C: I’m not hurting for money // Ok. I’ll turn off the stream right now. LYN: I told people not to use their data to watch my stream and now a lot of people are saying, “Ok. I’ll turn it off, then.” Don’t be like this. If we flip it another way, you can indulge yourself sometimes. You can’t go around making money with nowhere to spend it! Be good to yourself every once in a while. You should spend money when you need to and save money when you need to. As for the money to watch LYN’s streams... you should spend some. Also, today is 4/30 there’s not much time left before your data resets on 5/1. If you have even 1GB left for the month, wouldn’t you want to use it before it goes to waste?

LYN: Many people have been stuck in quarantine for more than a month now because of the pandemic. Hang in there. I came to keep you company, didn’t I? You might be in quarantine with no one to talk to, but I’m here now. What do you want to talk about, let me know. I’m a good chatter.

C: I was about ready to sleep, why are you streaming? LYN: ?_? You’re sleeping at 6p? Are you a young person or not? Sleeping at 6... did you just get off the night shift? Isn’t that TOO early to sleep? Do you need to wake up at 4am to get to the market??  C: Ning-ge, I’m a kid, I need to sleep early.  LYN: Don’t give me that. All the little kids are staying up at night. It’s the older people who can't do it anymore. 

C: I’m with my family making dumplings. LYN: That’s nice. If I get the chance I’ll go to your house to eat them. 

C: What happened to the other mic? LYN: It’s a little more expensive. I didn’t buy it to use for streams initially- I bought it to use for my recordings, for my songs. I’m a little afraid to use it just normally, because I don’t want to touch it and break it. I can be a little more wanton with this mic- I can shout into it however I want but that one... I’m afraid if I shout I’ll break it. It wouldn’t be an easy fix, either. I’d have to send it overseas. C: Have you recorded with it yet? How was the result? LYN: I had two songs I wanted to sing with that mic. For the first song, the producer told me they liked to work with cheaper microphones. They liked the tone that the cheaper mic gave them. The new mic gave too clean of a sound. Alright, fine. So I didn’t get to use it for that first song. But- the “cheaper” mic I’m talking about isn’t cheap at all!! It’s a standard type all studios have, and they are quite expensive themselves. All producers have their favored mics- it’s normal.  LYN: I got to use it for the other song, though. It was worth it. Things are expensive for a reason.  C: Can normal people tell the difference between an expensive and a cheap mic? LYN: Uhm.. normal people can’t tell the difference. I’M such an abnormal person, and /I/ can’t even tell the difference. Honestly, I can’t tell. LYN: Every person and music style has a different mic that suits it. Some people suit one type over others. It depends on the tone of voice. When I went to record for my album they put four different mics in front of me and told me to test them out, to see which one suit me best. I tried all four and then they asked me which one I liked the best. Which one had the best tone? I said, “Um... how about the black one?” They replied, “Oh, yes. I liked the sound this one produced as well.” I replied, “No. (I picked it) Only because I only like the color.” I just thought recording with a black mic would look cool. I really couldn’t tell the difference in sound. C: That must have been awkward. LYN: No, it’s very normal. People who know me know that I just have this personality. I won’t beat around the bush. I won’t put on airs in regards to music. There’s something that left an impression on me- LYN: There are times people will go to music programs or events, and you’ll always have to adjust the mics beforehand. Singers like me will bring our own mics to calibrate it during the rehearsals. Obviously there’s going to be a line- someone ahead of me in the line-up does their rehearsal, and when they’re done it’s my turn. Many professional artists will be like this: “Hello, hello, hello? Ok- laoshi, please turn up the sound by 3 decibels. Turn down the bass by 2 decibels. The balance is fine. Please add...” [t.n: musical speak I don’t understand @__@] LYN: I’m standing there thinking, “Wow, they’re so amazing. So professional.” And then it’s my turn. I go up. Basically, you sing for a bit to test the sound of the in-ear and the sound of the mic. The sound technician will be in your ear, and they’ll say, “Tell me if you want me to make any adjustments.” I told them, “How about this? How would you adjust it so that I sound good?” They replied, “Ok, I’ll adjust it for you then.” I respond, “Yes. You adjust it for me.” When the technician is done adjusting, I’ll say it’s good. LYN: The least I’ll ask for is that they turn the sound of the accompaniment up and my voice down. I’ll ask them to turn my voice down, because I hate hearing the sound of my own voice. I don't want to hear myself singing because I’ve heard enough. XD They can adjust everything else for me, because they are the professionals. I’ll feel like this: sound technicians and producers are doing this one thing their entire lives. They might have adjusted one song for me, but in reality they’ve adjusted hundreds of songs for other people. They know better. They’re the professionals- of course they’re going to know more about the sound than me.  LYN: I’m very simple. I don’t care about the mic- I can sing on ANY mic. I used to sing on cheap 30-40RMB microphones and now I’m singing on ones that cost in the hundreds or thousands, who am I to be picky about sound quality? LYN: (I let the technicians take care of everything) And up until this point I don’t think I’ve ever sounded terrible, right? At least I never made a mess. I don’t need to worry. I just trust them to do their job.

C: Can I adjust the speed (of the stream)? LYN: Do you think I’m speaking too slowly??

--- Tian Xing Jian (Floating World) & Injuries::

C: Did you hurt your right hand when doing shooting? LYN: Martial artists will always have bumps and bruises. It’s normal when doing a fight scene, you just get used to it. In this drama I’m the best swordsman in the world- it’s a given that I’m going to be fighting a lot. I can’t just SAY I’m the best, I have to prove it (and win) too. LYN: In fight scenes, many of the shots are of blades crossing. But the blades we use to hit people with are usually fake. They’re made of wood, something like bamboo, so if they hit someone it’s not going to bring them much harm. If we had two metal blades, swiping them at each other- someone’s going to d*e. LYN: There are some special shots where the blade has to cross someone’s neck or face. Those are usually real. Because the camera is too close, if we use a fake one you can tell. We have to use real ones, and there’s this one kid in our group- the blade comes at him and he’s supposed to block with his arm. He blocked, but his face (eyebrow) didn’t. It’s a real blade, here. Very thick. He had a cut right here on his eyebrow. They had to take him for stitches. I didn’t bring this up to talk about the injuries, those are normal and merciless. But the thing is, we weren’t very satisfied with the scene so we had to do a re-take. He got hurt for nothing. But he’s a real professional, he got cut and could feel the blood start to drip but he still didn’t break character. He’s a nice kid. 

LYN: Recently we were doing a scene where I swing my blade and then turn my back to escape because there were too many enemies. I even asked the choreographer what route I should take for my escape. He told me, “You see that little step over there? Run over there and step up onto it and then fly out. You’ll disappear in an instant.” I said, “So easy? No flashy turns or kicks? I just fly away handsomely?” and he replied in the negative. He said, “How about this? Let’s try just stepping up onto the stair and then just running out of frame, first.” Alright, but in my head I’m thinking. “No- I need to be cool.” I can’t just step on it and leave. I want to fly.  C: How tall was the step? LYN: Not tall, maybe about half a meter? Really all I needed to do was step over it, but no. I was thinking I would step onto and then kick away. I wanted to fly up 1.5 meters and then land coolly. That’s what I designed for myself. So we started the take. I turned and ran to the step and kicked off of it- you know, I’m pretty tall and my legs are long... I think I got up to around 1.3 meters. Then, I was getting ready to land but I was looking out in front of me and all there is is tall grass. The kind where if I landed and there’s only grass in my face and an uneven floor waiting for me. So many scenarios flashed through my mind in the moment I was in the air- this grass is very sharp, if I land in it, my face is going to be full of holes. What do I do? I need to find somewhere to land? Oh- there’s a small rut- but if I land there I could fall. If I fall and the sword in my hands twists and I stab myself, it’ll be over for me. What do I do? Between ruining my face and my body, I choose body. I chose the rut. The moment my foot hit the ground I knew- I was going to fall. I knew it was coming, so before I hit the floor I started laughing. LYN: And then, in this scene everyone runs away. All the other actors had run off camera and turned back to look at me as I finished the shot. They were all standing there with crossed arms, watching me fall. Falling is normal, but I am 1.9m tall. Think about that image. A person of normal height falling is normal, but for such a tall person?? Of course, since I fell everyone came over in a hurry to check on me. They were like: Ning-ge?! Are you okay?!!! and I said I was fine. They said, “Even from that far away we could tell you were going to fall.” I knew that. “But before you landed we saw you laughing.” I told them it was because I knew I was going to fall and I was thinking it must look ridiculous for such a tall person to do do. They said, “We weren’t laughing at first, we came to check on you, but after we got here we started laughing.” I mean, that wasn’t very better though (that they laughed later rather than earlier).  LYN: I fell and hit my shoulder and right left hip. If you ask me if it hurt, it didn’t much- since I have been working out lately. I’ve been working out, so my shoulder has some meat (muscle) to pad me. The floor was fairly soft too. It really didn’t hurt that much. But to be honest I did daze myself and couldn’t really stand up. Have you all noticed this problem? That if you fall everyone around you will be in a rush to help you up? Their first reaction is to help you up. I think this is a very incorrect action. PLEASE do not help them up- let them have a break to recover. Remember this- if your friend ever trips and falls, do NOT help them up. Ask them if they’re ok but let them sit there to recover. I hit the floor and was dazed but everyone wanted to help me up. I DON’T WANT TO GET UP. I’M DIZZY. >.< Let me lie here until I recover my senses or until it hurts less. But no- they helped me up, so I just got up. They asked me if I was okay- honestly I was out of it- but I told them I was fine and to continue with the filming. I needed to be professional. But really, if you ever meet someone who has just fallen don’t help them up. Let them sit a bit. Because they themselves will want to sit.  C: Should I not laugh? LYN: You should, all my colleagues did. It’s just funny- such a tall person just face-planting to the floor. It didn’t hurt at all. I got home and saw my shoulder was a bit bruised is all. I just wanted to tell you that injuries are normal among martial artists. C: I want to see the bts. LYN: I’m sure you’ll see it. There was a camera right on me. I was supposed to fly but ended up on the ground instead. I’m sure they got that on film. I was wondering if they would put it into a bts, and if, in the moment I was falling, my eyes had rolled into my head or not.  C: You’ll gain fans. LYN: Get out of here. No actor ever gains fans for falling. I just wanted to tell you a funny story. “Because this guy fell, I started liking him. I like his works. His work is falling.” C: Lose fans. LYN: They’ll stop being my fan because I fell? LOL. Then... I guess they wanted to leave already and were just looking for an excuse. C: I’ll be a fan of your falling.  LYN: /sigh/ I might not have a lot of works in this category to satisfy you. If you’re a fan of my streams I can stream more. If you’re a fan of my songs I can sing more. If you like my acting I can act more. But if you like me falling... you might only see it once a year.  

---

C: Ning-ge, you’re a real professional. LYN: No, don’t give me that label. That’s the most terrifying. Professionalism is something only the self can exhibit. I’ve seen a lot of people who pride themselves on being “professional” not act that way. It’s all for appearances. Don’t create that persona for me. I don’t need it. People slack off when they need to. We don’t need to be “professional”.

C: Why do I feel like you’re streaming every day? LYN: I’m giving you an opportunity to see me, shouldn’t you be happy? Even if YOU’RE not happy, my fans are. It’s all good. 

C: When’s the variety show airing? LYN: I really don’t know, but we should be going to shoot it soon. We’re not sure, because each region has it’s own protocols in place and we might need to quarantine for some places. It’s all a bit more complicated now. We only know when we are cleared to shoot on the day of- these days we’re not sure which days those are. C: Are you changing the location? LYN: I think so. It’s not convenient for me to expose any of the details. We should be changing the location, yes. C: Shoot it all at once. LYN: This thing can’t be filmed all at once. You all know- recording for this show is loads of fun but it’s also extremely tiring. Last time we went to record two episodes we were filming for two whole days. We almost went crazy by the end of it. It was a lot of fun, but to start shooting at 10am, think about it. At the latest you’ll have to wake up at 7:30am- for hair and makeup, so we can all look nice for the camera. We start the shoot at 10am and end it at 1-2am in the morning. What are you doing for these 12-13 hours? You’re talking and running around nonstop, and to keep it up for 12/13 hours?? It’s mind-breaking. Your brain and body will both be empty. After two days you’re completely exhausted.  LYN: The next time the crew told us we would shoot 4 episodes of content at once. We’re all mostly actors- it’s difficult to request time away from the drama crew, so they wanted to shoot 4 episodes at once. I can understand, but that means we’re tight on time. We discussed it and said that’s fine, but can we shoot two days, rest one day, then shoot another two days? If you make us film for four days straight I’m sure we’re all going to be goners. LYN: We don’t know yet when we’re going to shoot but I’ll let you know when the time comes. But also, don’t you all buy information? Do you need me to tall you? A lot of things you know more about than I do. Why are you coming to ask me?

--- Heroes & Novel vs Drama Adaptations::

C: When is Heroes going to air? LYN: I don’t know. There’s a possibility it can air in May, but who knows. Stop asking- it doesn’t matter who you ask, there’s no use. You can continue to look forward to it, but not too much. I just don’t want you to be disappointed when it finally does air because your expectations were too high.  C: Tencent said May. LYN: They did, but they have so many dramas, do you really think all of them can air in May? They’re all on standby- it’s not a definite thing that they can air. It’s only a matter of time. We’ll be famous whenever it airs, sooner or later. I’ve already been “un-famous” for so long, more waiting isn’t going to hurt me.  C: Ning-ge, how do you think you acted? LYN: You mean in Heroes? I think I acted just averagely. As an actor, there’s no way I can say that I have acted well. There are a lot of things that will help you, like the story and the character. I can’t say if I acted well or not, that’s for you to decide when you watch it. If you think it’s good, then it’s good. If you think it’s bad, then it’s bad. It’s fine. When the drama airs there will be a lot of ways to play, and I can show you around. I’ll bring you a lot of enjoyment. 

C: I’ll lower my expectations then. LYN: No, I- I had just gotten off shooting for The Long Ballad and I was so TAN from that. And then, since I had a bit of a break I let go a little and ate (without watching his weight). So the first period of filming I was kinda ugly. Fat and ugly. In post- I couldn’t stand watching myself, and that’s around the time I started using the Thermage. I took two days out of filming to do it. ZSX is a pretty handsome young man, right? At first he didn’t feel any pressure because he knew he was the best-looking out of the whole crew. He’s also the male lead, after all, so he had no pressure. ZSX (according to LYN): Ehh~ LYN’s not as handsome as I am. LYN: But after shooting about half the scenes I took some time to do the Thermage. When I came back I had a scene with him- after we finish shooting we monitor. When we were watching the playback he was surprised. He said, “What’s up with your face? What did you do??” I asked, “What’s wrong?” He said, “There’s no way. In the screen just now you looked younger/fresher than I did. How did you do it. What’s up?” I said, “I didn’t do anything, just the Thermage.” It was in that moment I felt that he finally felt a little threatened.  LYN: When you watch the drama you can break it down like this: if you think I’m ugly, that was before the treatment; If you think in a different scene I look pretty decent, that was after the treatment.  C: Is it THAT effective? LYN: Probably not, it’s just that at that point in time I was also doing my best to lose weight, too. I was at my thinnest, at 134 (lbs???)- just for those few days and then later I gained it all back.

LYN: That’s why I said- when you watch my dramas at home, you’re probably watching on tv right? Use your phone and turn on the beauty filter. Aim it at the tv and watch me through your phone. Alright? If you think I’m a little chubby, turn on the face-slimming feature. If you think I’m too fierce, add a little kitty filter- the one with cat ears. Watch me on the tv through your phone filter. That’s the way to go. LYN: I’ve also heard that people are saying Bai Choufei is not a great character. I can’t give you any spoilers, but whether he is good or bad, please don’t drag me (LYN) into it. If you hate BCF and don’t consider him human, you think nothing of him- you can curse at him. Just don’t come to curse at me. Alright? Please spread the word for me. “BCF’s words and actions have nothing to do with LYN.” LYN: BCF is a very complicated character, and everything I’ve acted is taken from the script. Everything I do and say is as scripted by the scriptwriter, so you can’t curse me. No matter how trash BCF is, you cant hurt me. I just work here. We (you and I) are the same. I only acted as the script instructs. I am only BCF’s face. 

LYN: Another thing is, the drama may not adhere strictly to the original source novel. It’s not that we disrespect it, there are just some things the drama cannot follow. I may not be able to explain this well, but for some things- like with the novel, you will read it and everything goes smoothly (according to how you imagine it described in the book). To take these same elements and apply them to film is something we are unable to accomplish (due to physical impossibility, censor, etc). You’ll see a dialogue in a book and think nothing of it. But applying the same dialogue to a screen and have it acted out by people and you’ll find it a little awkward.  LYN: In order to smoothly film and so that the drama is ABLE to air, there are things that inevitable have to be changed. There’s just no helping it. For example: - in the novel, BCF doesn’t like to wear clothes.  - in the novel, BCF’s main weapons are his middle fingers. LYN: Normally, BCF doesn’t use weapons at all. He’s best at using hidden weapons and his hands. His middle finger is the strongest. Before he fights with someone he is likely to show them his middle fingers. Do you think the drama can just film that as is?? YOU TELL ME. The two people are fighting and one of them just brings up his finger. I don’t think it can work. These are elements from the novel. What, do you want them to flick someone to death? I don’t think so.

C: Where are the hidden weapons stored? LYN: I don’t know, I never read the source material. I figure if he picks up a rock, it counts as a hidden weapon? But yeah, his strongest weapons are his middle fingers. Some people use their thumbs. I forgot which character- his strongest weapon is his thumb. Before he fights with people he gives them a thumbs up. I’m serious. This is all in the novel- go ask the fans who’ve read it. But do you think these things can be filmed? Do you want people to laugh themselves to death??  C: How can he store weapons if he doesn’t wear clothes? LYN: No- just because I said he doesn’t like to wear clothes doesn’t mean that he also doesn’t wear clothes when he GOES OUT. It’s not that he likes to be nude when out and about, he likes to be nude in his own house. People come and report to him in his home. He wears clothes outside. If he didn’t he’ll get jailed by the governing officials.  C: What happens if someone comes to try assassinate him in his own home? LYN: He has his middle fingers! It’s not like his hands are indisposed. But I can’t do that in the drama- we’ve designed it so that I use a weapon instead. I can’t just be fighting with someone and then use my middle fingers- that will look strange. So in the drama we’ve adapted it so that BCF uses a weapon. What’s a suitable replacement for the middle fingers? Daggers.  LYN: The novel is so many parts as well, we can’t shoot EVERYTHING. We’re not filming a 100+ episode drama here. So we have to pick and choose what content can be kept while sticking to the source but also allowing us to film smoothly. Novels and dramas are two different things. Some dramas only use the novel’s name- I mean, the novel character’s names. XD They can’t film everything.

LYN: Remember, I told you. There’s a character called Guan Qi. In the novel he is designed so that he is unbeatable. No rival in the world. Six of the best fighters in the wulin together can’t beat him. In the end he was taken away by aliens. A flash appeared from the sky and he was taken away by aliens. Do you think we can put that on film? Do you think I’m bullshitting you? I’m not. It’s a real thing in the novel, go look it up. LYN: Guan Qi was taken away to film for San Ti (Three-Body). He was taken straight to the three-body universe. Isn’t that strange? XD C: It’s real but I still think you’re saying nonsense. LYN: Go look it up!!

LYN: There are quite a few dramas nowadays that are being adapted from novels/short stories. I’m not a professional so I don’t know but from a viewer’s perspective I think it’s actually quite difficult to make the adaptation. Some stories are from 20-30 years ago and represent the way of thinking at the time. Time is changing and we’re advancing. So much of what was written/filmed back then- if we apply modern filming techniques to it- we won’t understand. Because it was a product of its own time. There are some things we are just unable to replicate. I think people need to take some time to comprehend the concept. LYN: It’s alright if you don’t think Heroes sticks to the original source, but please try to understand. If you like to watch it, then watch. If you don’t, then still- don’t trash it. Alright? Just think of it as a whole new story when you watch the drama. Even if you’ve read the novel, pretend you didn’t. Just watching the people is fine, too. 

- he’s trending C: I came in from the trending topic. LYN: Thank you. LYN: Why do I get the feeling that if I’m NOT trending then I’m not worth your views? How can you be so shallow? Please subscribe to my weibo, you can watch my streams even when I’m not trending. Ok? Thank you, everyone. OTL

C: You’re the biggest villain in the novel, in the drama is it the same? (Heroes) LYN: I can’t spoil it, but the biggest villain is not necessarily me. You’ll know when you watch it. LYN: We’re telling a story of the jianghu, it’s not really a wuxia drama. What is “jianghu”? Jianghu isn’t fighting and killing, it’s human relationships and the ways of the world. Our story is about the relationships and ways of the world. Everyone’s going on and on about “wuxia” dramas but nowadays no one is going to admit that they are (the genre). LYN:  Last time Director Li Muge even left a comment to a question that asked, “Are you shooting a wuxia drama?” He replied, “We are shooting a story of the jianghu.” Ever since that moment (people assumed Heroes would be a wuxia drama) I’ve discovered people like to criticize fight scenes. When this drama comes out, please don’t pay attention to the fighting. Our story is about the jianghu. If you really wanted to see and were passionate about fighting scenes I suggest you watch Huo Yuanjia. Watch Ip Man, and movies like that.

C: I don’t have anymore roaming. LYN: Connect to a wifi. Don’t you have a roommate? A lot of my friends seem to have roommates- ask them if they still have data, expiring tomorrow. You can use their mobile hotspot.

C: Were you talking about QSTX? LYN: Why would I be talking about someone else’s drama? I was talking about Heroes! Don’t go around assuming I was talking about QSTX, I’ve been talking about my own drama. If you start something, don’t drag me into it! I’m innocent. All this time I’ve been talking about Heroes! LYN: This is like- there are two classes. Class A and Class B have started fighting. All of a sudden LYN from Class C says he wants to get involved. What does it have to do with me?? I didn’t get involved, I didn’t say anything, alright?! C: They’ve dragged you in mutliple times already. LYN: I know! Why are you getting me involved???

LYN: I saw something... the intention was to trash the role of Bai Choufei, and then they started trashing LYN. The drama hasn’t even aired yet! They used BCF as an excuse to trash me. They were saying things like how I was trying to break up the CP between the leads and steal away the FL. I think there’s no need for this, my friends. First of all, the relationship between ZSX, YCY, and I- I won’t say anything, you can judge for yourself. I’m at such an (old) age, I will never to petty things just to hate on someone else or to get a leg-up. I swear, I will never do those things. The three of us have a great relationship. So if you want to start shit by stirring up dissent among the cp shippers, there’s really no need.If you really think the 2ML and the FL have are a better ship, you can keep that in your heart. Don’t use this to hate on me. Do you know how the ML will feel if he hears this? It’s like a very cliche threat. LYN: It’s not BCF’s fault, I’m just... (someone who people love to hate). I really don’t care. I don’t think ZSX or YCY would care about it either. We already made an agreement- if my character does something terrible to hers and her fans started cursing me, I asked her if she could tell her fans not to. She said it was ok, that her fans were really cool and wouldn’t curse at me. We’ve already thought this through long ago. C: This drama will let us see the light in BCF. LYN: It won’t, there’s no light to see. The drama hasn’t even aired yet, let’s not try to talk about proving someone’s innocence. This drama has a very clear distinction between good and bad, love and hate. If he’s bad, he’s bad. There is no grey area. It’s going to be very black. That’s why I asked YCY to tell her fans not to curse at me. Of course, ZSX’s fans as well. It doesn’t matter. You’ll see when the drama airs.

LYN: It’ll be fun, because usually when a drama starts airing, the platform will ask that the actors stream to promote the drama. They won’t even have to ask us. We’ll stream of our own free will. The platform hasn’t even said anything to us yet and we’ve already planned out a stream for when it starts airing. I’ll be the host and they can be my guests. I’ve thought about this- I was going to buy some lapel mics, and they can sit here next to me and we’ll stream. Self-promotion. LYN: It’s perfectly normal for a person to continue to promote a drama after they’ve finished and even while they’re still filming for it. Why? Honestly, the most you can do in one year is film for three dramas. Even if they’ve finished being filmed, they’re not necessarily going to be able to air the next year. It’s not like you can just take the money, spend it, and then the rest of the drama has nothing to do with you. That’s not right. Every actor wants more and more people to see their work. So what can you do? You have to do your best to promote the drama, otherwise all your hard work will be for nothing.  LYN: We spend up to four months working on one drama. For someone as popular as YCY- it’s not difficult for her to decide to scrap a drama and work on multiple variety shows in that time period instead. If she does that, she’ll get more and faster exposure. People really don’t film dramas just because they want to make a quick buck. People shoot dramas because they want there to be a final product, for people to see. The actors and crew spend their time and put in so much effort to make something that they hope can reach a wider audience. You’d be crazy not to try and promote it as much as you can.

---

LYN: There’s a drama lately called “I Am a Superstar.” Do you know it? The male lead is Wei Daxun. Even though I wasn’t in it, I can still promote it, right? You can watch it when you have the chance.  C: I don’t know it. LYN: Well now you do. It’s pretty good- Xin Zhilei and Wei Daxun’s drama. C: You know WDX? LYN: I know him. We’ve done a variety show together, and he’s also from Dongbei. We’re friends- everyone in this business counts as a friend to some degree.  C: You helped promote his drama, is he going to transfer you 200RMB? LYN: Do you think I’m lacking a mere 200RMB? Let’s do this- if he sees this clip, he’ll willingly send me the money. If I try to force the money out of him it’ll seem like I have nothing left to live for. But if he coincidentally sees a clip of this, he’ll be so moved. He’ll be thinking, “LYN and I aren’t that close... why is he helping to promote my drama for me? Oh~ He must be a good person~~ In that case, I’ll send him 200RMB! He can buy two bottles of water with it.” It comes naturally. If he GIVES it to me I can accept it with a clear conscious but if I ASK him for it, then that’s the wrong thing to do.

C: Ning-ge, you’ll end up trending for asking WDX for money. LYN: I’m not that cheap! I’m ALREADY trending, aren’t I?

WDX: I sent it, Ning-ge. LYN: Oh?! I think I saw WDX came... (Word gets around) So fast?! LYN: Let me take a look. LYN: My friends- I really didn’t ask for this. He sent it of his own free will. I have to accept this, otherwise I won’t be giving him any face. Watch “I Am a Superstar” everybody. LYN: Thank you, boss. 

LYN: See? Isn’t he (WDX) much more generous than ZSX. Even though he (ZSX) is a rich second-gen... I’m telling you, the richer people are, the more stingy they get. XD LYN: When JNZ was airing, he came the once. but ever since then has he ever come back? Even ONCE?? Watch- when Heroes starts airing, as the male lead he’s definitely going to come. I’m not trying to talk shit about him, but the facts are right here in front of us. You can contemplate them yourself.  C: It’s ok, Ning-ge. I didn’t watch JNZ. LYN: XD. Even if you didn’t, just say you did. If you have to make it seem like paying me to promote their drama is worth it. Otherwise they’ll think I’m ineffective. They’ll want their money back.

LYN: I’ve been talking about him all this while, it’s about time for me to compliment him. Despite the fact that he never came back after that one time I promoted JNZ- as an actor, I think he is the best among young actors nowadays. I rarely make fun of him for his acting, right? I think his acting is great. Working with him is SO comfortable. Really great.

C: Is there any possibility you two can get together for a third drama? LYN: I know a lot of people always hope that this actor and that actor can work together. But there’s a problem. You want ZSX and I to be in a third drama together, is that right? Um.. I think it’s quite difficult. Why? Erm.. I could be shooting in the dark here, but I believe LYN can be 2ML for ZSX, but ZSX may not want to be 2ML for LYN. Ey~ This is a little... You know? C: Can you say that? LYN: LOL. I’m just joking!! I say a lot of things in my stream as a joke, please don’t be baited by it. C: Ning-ge, what about pairs? (1ML & 1ML) LYN: No- I can be second lead for him, I don’t need a pairs. Also- hold on, let me think if I can say this... Male-Male dramas are a lot fewer now. There are very little.  LYN: It all depends on luck. If there’s a chance, we could work together again. I’m willing to work with anybody!

- checking his phone LYN: WDX was thanking me, and said he would treat me to a meal sometime. Not only did I gain 200RMB, I also tricked a meal out of him. :p

- Olympic Gold-Medalist Zhang Jiaqi (diving) has dropped by the stream

C: You seem to be very free lately. LYN: Just because I’m streaming that means I’ve got nothing better to do? Is that what you think?? No, my friends, I’m just finding the spaces  between my busy schedule. Think about it this way. When you get off work and it’s already 6-7p, do you spend time out with your friends or no? Do you go to a KTV? Shop at the night market? Watch a movie? I want to do all those things, too, but here I am. What I’m trying to say is no matter how busy you are, you can always squeeze some time out for fun. This doesn’t mean that I have nothing to do. I have a lot of work, and I’ve also rejected a lot of work. 

C: Ning-ge, weibo now shows your IP address when you make comments. LYN: I think that’s a good thing. They didn’t expose your name and address, but if they know your IP address, that means that they can find you (if need be). I want to advise people leaving comments online to be kind (and NOT cyber-bully others). You reap what you sow, right?

- Xin Zhilei (actress) & Wang Yimei (women’s volleyball) have also stopped the stream

C: Your clothes makes you look like an electrician/plumber. LYN: You just don’t get it!! D: Though it looks much like a uniform, there’s also an element of intimacy to it. It’s like I’ll be streaming and then suddenly show up at your doorstep to fix your internet connection or to clear your pipes. If such a handsome person showed up to fix your plumbing, aren’t you at the very least going to keep him for dinner?? 

LYN: ZXD-laosjhi is here?? This is like a high-end shopping mall I’ve got going on. It’s like the Beijing SKP- I’ve heard you can always meet artists or celebrities shopping there. The celebrities are piling in! LYN: This won’t be called “Liu Yuning’s Live Stream” anymore. We’ll call it “Goodbye, Saturday”- directly competing with “Hello, Saturday” (Hi!6); Call it “goodbye” since Sunday is almost here. C: You’re like a big dummy who hasn’t seen the world. LYN: ... I haven’t seen the world... you’re right. LYN: You’re saying... Bai Lu-laoshi is here? Stop messing with me!! Am I really so famous right now? I need to take a look. // Stop tricking me- someone said ZLY-laoshi was here. That’s definitely a lie. She’s busy, how could she be watching my stream??

C: Zhu-laoshi says you owe her a song. LYN: Which song was it? // Was it Unparalleled? No- it’s okay. She can pick a different song each time. What did she say it was? C: She requested it last time. LYN: Unparalleled? Are you all YY’s fans?? Alright, I’ll sing it.

-- sings Unparalleled C: How does it sound exactly like the original... LYN: Yes, the kid who sang Unparalleled has plagiarized me. I’m preparing to sue him.

- some comments saying he’s too white/pale; it’s bc the lights are too bright and also he thinks the lights make him look better C: It’s pale (white) to the point it’s scary. LYN: ?? Are your walls at home all black?? Are you afraid when you look at your walls, then?

- people are saying he’s greasy again. :p LYN: Last time people said I looked a little greasy and were making fun of my high hairline. So this time I decided I would brush all my hair back. Do you think I’m that weak? I’m not. Please don’t mention my hairline, because I’m a spokes-model for a hair product right now. LYN: My forehead just looks big because there are two bright lights pointed at it. LYN: I’m not here to look cool- I just want to bring you something different every time, but look clean and neat. Those are my only requirements. 

C: Ning-ge, my delivery was just stolen. LYN: Report it! What are you telling me for?? Do you want me to report it for you?

C: Ning-ge, isn’t ZXD-laoshi in your stream to learn how to speak better from you? LYN: She can talk better than I can! Who do you think you’re looking down on? I’m telling you- anyone who is able to become a singer, actor, or artist is not that simple. The people who do well in this industry are intelligent people. Do you think people get this far just on pure dumb luck? Even if they do, they’re not going to last if they don’t learn fast. ZXD doesn’t need to learn from me; she already knows how to do it. LYN: Me, though. I’m only like this when I’m streaming with you. In real life I’m just a big dummy. I come across as lively and witty on stream, so people think I have a high IQ and high EQ. Save it. In-person I’m just a dummy. She doesn’t need to learn from me, she knows better than I do.

-- bathroom break --  - says his neighbors were fighting bc one of them thought he was too pale/white, and the other could not stand the insult to ning-ge. but after he came and broke up the fight and seeing him in person, they both agreed that paler was better XD and THEN he went to the restroom on the way.

- someone asks about Heroes, and he tells them to wait for the playback, where they can rewind about 30 minutes, bc he’s already talked about Heroes this stream

C: Can you pause your stream, I want to blow-dry my hair. LYN: I understand- they really like me so they don’t want to miss anything, but they also want to blow-dry their hair. C: Can’t you dry your hair and watch at the same time? LYN: No, because the sound of the hairdryer will be too loud. How about this- I’ll sing a song. You won’t miss any thrilling content, just a song. Alright? Let me find a song...

C: Connect with Zhu-laoshi. LYN: I can’t connect with her EVERY TIME she comes. What am I doing riding the waves of her fame? She came to watch because she wanted to. If she wanted to connect with me, she would have told me in a message. What do you take her for?

-- sings 明明

LYN: I just saw someone ask a very hurtful question. They asked, “What’s so good about LYN that just one of his streams is worthy of being on the trending list?” Um, bro- friend- I don’t know if you’re a man or woman... but you think I’m unworthy of being on the trending topics? Some people are saying it’s because I’m skilled, or handsome, or popular- that’s not it. I’m not skilled and I’m not handsome. Friend, how about you think about this from a different perspective? Celebrities can become trending for cutting their hair, changing their hairstyle, or wearing some clothing. I sit here streaming and talking non-stop for four hours, why AREN’T I worthy of becoming a trending topic? Tell me. I just want to ask. Someone else can spend 200RMB for Tony-laoshi to cut their hair and start trending. Why can’t I be trending for streaming for four hours? Tell me why. There is no “why.” It’s just because the people who are watching my stream are helping me. LYN: I don’t try to make a business out of this- I’m not trying to sell you anything. I just come here to chat. You could like watching or not. Even if you take it as some background noise, I still spend these hours accompanying you for four hours. How many people in your life are willing to do that for you? Other than you family and loved ones. How many of your friends would spend four hours doing nothing but chatting with you? Very few. Don’t you think I’m a rare and precious existence? Is it too much for me to be trending?

C: Other than my family, you’re the only one who would spend four-five hours talking to me. LYN: I’m not THAT valuable. Honestly, I’m not here streaming only for you alone. Everyone else is here, too. We’re all the same. It’s just that I have nothing to do- rather, after finishing up my important work I choose to come here. Other people use this time to have a meal or play games. I use this time to stream. It’s not that deep. 

LYN: I used to love talking back at my fans during my streams. Not with any ill-intent, just jokingly. But I’ve mellowed out a lot. People say I’ve mellowed out too much, that I used to say whatever I wanted without caring about the consequence, and that I’ve become weak now. It’s not that- It’s that I’ve come to weibo to stream now. It reaches a wider audience than before, so I have to adjust for the masses. I’m a more subdued version of myself but I haven’t lost my personality.  LYN: I connected with ZXD the last time- I hadn’t even connected with her yet, I just made some comments about her. People said I was being too mean. I wasn’t even talking back at her, if I did who knows what you might have done- stuck a “sexist” label on me? How terrifying would that be?

- in this revolving world of fandom, it is normal to hop around and leave one for another. on this front, ning-ge only has two requests. 1. if you leave, don’t tell him about it. and 2. don’t regret it.

C: Do you remember Yang Zi? LYN: How come you’re asking such a strange question. Of course I remember her. What’s wrong, friend? Do I owe her money or something? 

- lyn’s rule for mentioning other artists on his stream: if he knows them and their personality well enough and knows that they won’t be offended if he makes a small joke, he will mention them. (most times he just ignores comments that mention names of other artists)

C: Ge, you’re trending. LYN: Thank you everyone for watching my stream; it’s YOU who have given me this trending topic. I also thank my friends at weibo. They’re always looking out for me when I stream, just in case something happens. The last time YZ and ZXD came I was trying to connect to them but wasn’t able to. Later they explained to me the reason why that happened- it was actually my fault. I didn’t enable the feature. Thank you everyone and thank you weibo. All I have to do to start trending is to stream, but what do others have to sacrifice? They need to cut their hair! They have to have a whole new appearance to start trending, but all I have to do is to stream. I’ve got it easy.

C: Can you do some poses so I can take screenshots? LYN: ?_? Are we already at the point where you need to take screenshots from my streams to get nice pictures of me? I don’t have any promotional photos or head-shots you can use, you need to grab them from my stream? I don’t think that’s necessary. Other people will have photos of them by a beach or in a fancy hotel, but my photos will be of my in my stream? Holding a mic and wearing earphones? My market value will take a blow. C: So take some pics for us. LYN: Just because I don’t have any, doesn’t mean you need to rely on my streams for those pictures! I’ll take some- I already told you. When this drama wraps I’m going to take some. Me and ZSX and YCY- the three of us. We’ve been in contact these past few days to determine the style we’re going for. They wanted us to each pick a style. Like me, I’ll go with “live stream" style. ZSX is likely to pick a “young master of a rich family” style. YCY is probably going to go with a “school” look. Something like that. The three of us will go for a few shoots.  C: “School” look? Um... Ning-ge, you.... LYN: What do you mean?? I’m not in the range for a “school” look anymore? Well, how about I play the principal? Or maybe the Phys Ed teacher?? “School” look has many different types- it’s not all about the students, is it? At the very least I could play the guard at the school gates, right? In your hearts is the “school” genre already a non-option for me?? You’re saying if I accept a school-oriented drama, you wouldn’t be receptive to it, right? LYN: If you’re going to be like that... hold on a sec. Let me go change my clothes. If you continue on like this you’re going to exclude me from a whole genre. Just last year someone was looking for me to play a handsome school senior, and I didn’t take the role. Hold on.  -- goes to change his outfit LYN: I’m back. I need to change the bgm for this look. Is there anything that reminds you of school when you hear it? // No, this isn’t “school” enough. -- LYN: Can’t I still act as a student? No matter how old I am, I can still pretend I’m young. Don’t I look like a student now? If there’s a chance for me to act in a school-drama, I figure I still have what it takes. Even if I can’t be in the same class as you I can still act as a handsome senior.  C: A kid who was held back a grade. LYN: Let’s not. Let’s still study hard.  LYN: Where’s that person who said I couldn’t act in a school-drama. Get out here. I’m telling you- the clothes make the man. Don’t I look like I belong in school? Just a little? I was wearing my work clothes earlier because I need to make money to pay tuition. So I can realize my dreams.

LYN: At this moment I feel like I need to sing this song- (同桌的你)

LYN: See? I just changed into these clothes and already someone said they were going to report a minor for streaming. They want to report me, because I look so young I’ve regressed to a minor. You are a real friend.

LYN: You’ve forced me to do this. I was going to wear these clothes for a show, but I’ve exposed them already right now in my stream. I was going to wear them for an episode of a variety show- we were supposed to wear something to this effect. 

LYN: Is is a little bit like I’m cos-playing Harry Potter. I may not look like it very much... this is a “middle-aged” Harry Potter. I’m sure you’ve never seen that before. LYN: Hold on, let me find an eyeliner pencil...  - comes back and draws a (terrible) lightning bolt on his forehead C: Is that powder to cover your receding hairline? LYN: It’s not!! I’m drawing a lightning bolt! Have you ever seen HP?? What are you doing everyday? You’ve never seen HP? He has a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead. - goes to the bathroom to re-do it with a mirror

LYN: Alright. Let’s use this look to talk about ALZ. In ALZ I play Luo Mingxi. He’s an interesting character. Because he has a weak constitution at the end of the drama he’s taken away by Voldemort.  C: LMX is also taken away by aliens?? LYN: No, no. Guan Qi was taken away by aliens. Luo Mingxi was taken away by Voldemort. 

C: After you changed clothes my roommate says you look like you’re here to fix the air conditioner. LYN: That’s complete bs. This look has nothing to do with fixing an air conditioner. You could have said that for my earlier look, but not this one. I don’t believe your roommate said that, either. Looking at your pfp you look to be in your thirties. Do you still have a roommate? You should have graduated already. You must have wanted to curse at me yourself.  LYN: Also, this look is just for fun. Do the people who come to fix YOUR air conditioner look so handsome? Of course, there ARE also handsome ones out there. I meant do they show up wearing clothes like this? C: You can see our pfps? LYN: Yeah!

C: My mom says you looked like you repeated senior year six times. LYN: I couldn’t get into college and had to repeat senior year six times? I still count as a student, then. Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I can’t still be in school. 

LYN: No matter what I wear you guys can still liken me to something. Someone just said I look like the manager at a bath center. - /indulges them by pretending to speak into a “walkie talkie”

C: My daughter says you look handsome. LYN: Look at this. Children’s words hold no harm. Whatever they say is the truth.

- takes off his watch bc it doesn’t match the new look

C: What happened to your head, got hit by lightning? LYN: No~ Look at this. /pulls aside the jacket to reveal he’s wearing a Gryffindor vest/ Ignore the blazer, do you see what house this is? Gryffindor. HP has a lightning bolt on his forehead. Do you have no lives? What are you watching all the time? Dominating CEOs?? You’ve never seen HP? My goodness.  C: I watch your streams. LYN: I wasn’t streaming yet the year HP came out though. Don’t blame me.

-- sings 盗梦; 2x, because the stream lags

C: Lao-da, don’t be mad. LYN: What do I have to be mad about? The internet is lagging- you are innocent in this. It’s not like it’s something we can control. If the mic breaks I can fix it, but if the internet lags nothing I do will help. LYN: Still lagging? I don’t know- there shouldn’t be too big of a problem here on my end... Is it okay now? Then I’ll sing it one more time and we’ll see if it starts lagging again.  - starts the music LYN: I don’t believe it (would lag a THIRD time)! -- sings 盗梦 (for the third time, no lag this time!! :D)

LYN: Why would I get angry? I’ve been streaming for so long, this isn’t the first time it’s been laggy. Please don’t think I am a weak person. I’ve experienced darker times than this. The weibo streaming platform is already an improvement by leaps and bounds. You can’t even imagine the things I’ve experienced before. LYN: There are some long-time fans who have followed me since back in those days. Do you know what used to happen? People would rush in to the chat and start spamming curse words- the most outrageous things you can think of, and they’d keep this up for MINUTES at a time. Another thing that used to happen is the mic would suddenly cut out and all you could hear is the moderators trying to get it back online. It scared the tourists badly. Then they would directly cut to a commercial instead.  LYN: Those were a normal occurrence back in the day. The stream being a little lagging right now is nothing in comparison. I would be crazy to get angry over a small matter like this. Also, what do you expect me to do? Sue my internet provider?

C: Did you learn to talk back at people during those times? LYN: No, I was born with that ability. LYN: What I learned in those times was endurance. Nowadays- I don’t know if you’ve seen it- sometimes the streamer gets worked up and starts arguing with viewers. Or people will start criticizing them so badly they have a breakdown and are unable to continue streaming. Those types haven’t gone through training. No matter how you curse or yell at me in my stream, even if I happen to read the comment, it will not affect my mood at all. That’s what I’ve learned to do. LYN: Sometimes I will see something and keep bringing it up as an inside joke. Like when someone called me a Celestial Dog. Do you really think I hold that much of a grudge? I’ve just made it into a recurring joke, is all. 

C: ZXD is here. LYN: She’s been here. I know. She’s learning, because she’s going to be a streamer soon. LYN: She came here with her main account- a lot of artists use secondary accounts to watch my stream. Do you think they wouldn’t know about my stream? They all know, they just use secondary accounts to watch in secret. It’s alright to watch with your main, too. It’s not shameful to watch my stream.

C: Where’s your wine glass? LYN: I’m a student today. Can’t you see that I’m a... middle school student? So if I hold a wine glass it might not be a good match for this persona. Middle school students drink this- milk tea. C: College student. LYN: I’ve never attended college. It’s a shame. I’m envious of those who can study. To anyone who is watching my stream and is still attending school, you have to do well. I really envy you. Jiayou.

LYN: Some people recognized what coffee I was drinking (from the cup). They asked me if it was good or not. I think it’s just okay. Usually I just drink Americano and that only has one flavor- bitter. I don’t really like coffee, I just tell myself that if I do I can lose weight. The more bitter it is, the more weight I can lose.

C: Ning-ge, can you erase the lightning from your head? LYN: Why do I have to? It’s fine, isn’t it? C: What IS it exactly? LYN: It’s there to signify that this person is prone to be struck by lightning. 

-- Q&A Time--

LYN: If there’s anything you’re curious about, you can type it into the comments. I won’t sing any more tonight- I’m afraid the internet will start lagging again. LYN: Hold on a sec- let me turn on the A/C. In order to show you a schoolboy look I’ve worn three layers so I’m very hot right now. LYN: If you have any questions, you can ask. I haven’t been interviewed in a while, I kind of miss it. I’m not popular, so I don’t get interviews.

C: If you drink coffee, can you lose weight? LYN: I don’t know. I usually drink an iced Americano- it’s bitter, so then I find it gross. When it’s gross I lose my appetite. If you eat less, naturally you’ll lose weight. This is a very unhealthy method, though. Don’t do it.

C: Have you been working out because your next role requires you to bare skin? LYN: Let’s not. It’s because people say your skin be healthier if you work out. For a period of time I was swelling for no reason; I guess because I’m getting old. People told me I should work out, because the exercise speeds up your heart rate and improves your blood circulation, which keeps the skin healthy. I did it to reduce my swelling, not because I have to show skin for my next role.  LYN: I already told you I’ll go shirtless when I hold that concert when I’m 60. A group of old ladies in the audience, watching an old man on stage go shirtless. How thrilling.

C: Did you finish voice acting for ZC? LYN: It’s done. The first season only has 24 eps, so those are done.

C: Can you tell us about your next drama? LYN: I can’t. The production company has it’s own schedule. I can only tell you after they announce it. Let’s not rush it.

C: Did you sing the OST for A Dream of Splendor? LYN: I probably, if I remember correctly... - No, I recorded it already. But for OSTs the production also has their own announcements. They want to keep it a secret, to surprise you with later. But here I am, already spilling the beans in my own stream. It’s not very good of me. So next time don’t ask me. Leave it up to fate. I will say though, usually the dramas I sing OSTs for do pretty well. :) Any producer-laoshi (who is watching my stream right now) can think about that themselves.

C: When’s the second album coming out? LYN: I’m not in a rush to release it. I originally intended to release it February or March, but it was held up by a variety of things. First of all, I can’t find/pick enough songs- it’s going slow. It’s alright if my album is held up, because I am constantly singing OSTs. LYN: I’ll tell you why it’s taking me so long- it’s because sometimes I receive a song and I don’t know why I should even put it on my album. Sometimes I get ones that don’t even sound as good as the OST songs I receive. So I wonder why I should spend the money to release a song like that. When I sing an OST, I RECEIVE money. If I make my own album I have to SPEND money. If it doesn’t sound as good as an OST, then I don’t see the need to use it. Choosing songs is a very complicated process. I have to take it slow. But I have a lot of OSTs, some about to be released. Anyone who is anxious to hear new music from me won’t have to wait long. 

C: Straighten your tongue and then talk to me. LYN: Who do you think you are? What do you do? Why should I “straighten my tongue” to speak? Are you trying to say that I-  LYN: /speaks without moving his tongue/ I’ll speak with my tongue straight for you. You are now watching Modern Brother’s Liu Yuning. LYN: You must have misunderstood me- it’s not that I can’t speak Standard Mandarin, I can. But when I use Mandarin I feel like I’m lying. I feel like it’s not as sincere. So usually when I stream I’ll use my hometown dialect. I CAN speak Mandarin, though. I use it when I’m shooting dramas.

C: Do you usually eat the meals provided on set? LYN: Not really, because I rarely eat during lunch. I told you before, right- the production crew will provide you breakfast, lunch, and dinner; but if you don’t eat it you can request the daily meal premium to be returned to you. I think I get 50RMB/day, and my workers will get 40RMB/day (for meals). We don’t eat and I request the money back; I keep it safe for my employees and return it to them in their yearly bonus. XD LYN: Lately though my RV driver has started making lunch. So then we started eating lunch that we made ourselves. If I want to eat something, they’ll make it for me and we’ll all eat together.

C: Ning-ge, it’s time to prove you Mandarin is good. How about a tongue twister? LYN: A tongue twister.. is that too easy? Let’s forget it.

C: Why are you playing WSL’s song (as bgm)? LYN: It was random. Did you want me to say it’s because I’m a fan? I AM his fan, but I can play whatever song, it doesn’t need to be his.

C: Ning-ge, in the entertainment circle, who is your best friend? LYN: There isn’t a “best”, we’re all friends. What counts as a “best” friend? I don’t know. They’re all about the same. I don’t really have friends. No one stands out in particular. LYN: We’re all working. In this industry it’s hard to meet up. Just the fact that we can even send each other a message now and then means we are friends. Like YCY and ZSX- ZSX has A LOT of friends though. He’s been in this industry for a long time- a lot longer than I have, at least. You’ll find that there’s no one he doesn’t know. Whoever you can name- he knows them all. I might consider him a good friend and he may consider me a good friend, but I’m sure that on his end he has EVEN BETTER friends. LYN: Anyway, the three of us have a chat group. In it ZSX is considered more of the aloof type. Sometimes I see a funny article or meme and I will send it to the chat. YCY will reply “HAHA” and send a few other ones that she’d seen. ZSX is pretending he’s not there- he’ll read everything but not reply. YCY and I are chatting up a storm but he doesn’t respond to any of it. You know I don’t like to beat around the bush- I’ll direct a message at him saying “What’s up with you? The two of us have been chatting for a while and you’re not even going to deign us with a response?? What are you pretending for??” I’ll attack him directly. If you’re going to be like that then when Heroes airs I’m not going to promote any of it. We’re (YCY & LYN) not going to lift a finger. As the male lead, you can promote it yourself. XD LYN: He’ll feel threatened and then immediately reply, “Oh, no. Sorry. I’ve been emo recently.” I’ll ask him “Who has bullied you?? Tell me. I’ll yell at them in my stream.” No one has bullied him. It’s because there’s a movie that wasn’t able to be released so he got sad. He was emo because he couldn’t watch it.

- says he’s graduated past using the 2.5kg weights and can do 5kg (on each side? total?) barbells without his arms shaking.

-- bathroom break --

C: You didn’t change your clothes. Aren’t you hot? LYN: I am very hot. You try wearing a blouse, then a vest, and a blazer on top of it. See if you’re hot or not. You’d be hot too, but I’m going to keep wearing this because it’s just one aspect of being a professional. Look at all those female artists walking the red carpet in those beautiful dresses in the dead of winter. High heels, too. I just want to give you a pleasant viewing experience, so I’m going to keep wearing this. Even if it’s hot, I’m going to bear with it.

C: Ning-ge, QSTX is hot! LYN: Yeah, it is. It has to be! That has nothing to do with me, though. I’m just there to sing. All I’ve done is sing the OST. I was joking around when I said that usually the dramas I sing OSTs for do well, and I am well aware that I am not the reason a drama DOES end up doing well. The drama does well on its own and because of that, my song gets popular. If any future drama I sing for doesn’t do well, don’t blame me. I’m just the singer.

C: Is there an Ultraman in the cabinet behind you? LYN: No, there’s not.

C: Will we see Di Lin (ZC) by the end of the year? LYN: I don’t know, really. In the future also, stop asking me when my drama will air. I really don’t know. I can’t decide these things. What I tell you is what I see going around the internet. Nothing is confirmed. It’s only a matter of time, so let’s not think too hard about it.

C: When’s this drama wrapping? LYN: Soon. Maybe the middle of the month. There are still a few fight scenes we have to shoot.

C: It’s been so long since you’ve done a stage performance. LYN: You think that to be a singer you must perform on stage? It’s a give-and-take. If you’re filming a drama, you rarely get the time to go out and do other things. Especially now, I really don’t dare to go shoot a variety show or other program. There are so many crews in Hengdian right now, if you leave the city and want to come back they’re going to quarantine you. If I get quarantined and it will hold up the drama’s schedule. I don’t want to make trouble. If I were ONLY a singer I could go here and there and release a song or two. But right now I’m working on being an actor.

- stream is a bit lagging again, people wonder if it’s because he has too many viewers this time around. lyn asks if he’s still trending (he is). tells a story about how the last time he streamed he allowed the fans to go into the topic and start complimenting him for a 5RMB coupon for his concert. people who don’t know of him or his stream went into the topic out of curiosity, saw all the comments complimenting him, then asked if he had no shame. XD

C: When will you move to xhs to stream? LYN: Why would I move? I’m doing quite well here. Also, when I stream here I also get a trending topic. :) Streaming is the same everywhere. I don’t see the need to switch platforms. LYN: Also, last year I was granted the title of Weibo Live Stream King. I need to live up to it. Sometimes when I go out I’ll meet other artists and they’ll comment on it. “You’re streaming on wb right? I guess you’re No.1 streamer there, now.” They called me No.1. :) My friends, I’m telling you- people need to have something others cannot replicate/replace. This applies to any field of work- you need to make yourself irreplaceable. That’s how you keep stable and keep going.  LYN: Other platforms have contacted me and offered me money for moving to their platform. But I don’t want to go. I never want to rely on my streams to make money. I’m just here to chat with my fans and amuse some passersby. Sometimes I can get into the list of trending topics. It’s nice here.  C: Does weibo give you money? LYN: How can you be so shallow?? Why do you need to make everything about money? How can you ask about someone else’s salary like that? What, if they don’t give me money, I shouldn’t stream here? LYN: It’s already my honor that weibo ALLOWS me to stream here. Why should I expect them to pay me? The fact that they aren’t charging me for use of space is already good enough. What am I going to do? Go up to the CEO and say, “Hey. I’m Modern Brothers’ Liu Yuning. I’m streaming on your platform, do you think you can pay me 5k/month in living expenses?” They’re probably going to say, “You can stream or not. That’s up to you, and we don’t care.” I would be crazy. I don’t rely on this to make money anyway. I rely on selling eggs to make money. XD

- someone’s “roommate” accused him of turning on the beauty filter, and it’s true, he always does. but for this stream he had initially wanted to try and lower his hairline to make it look like he had more hair but discovered that if he turned on that feature, the cabinet behind him would lose its shape too. he didn’t want to be ridiculed into the next century so decided against it. of course, people want to see it, so he demonstrates. also discovered that along with the “big eyes” feature there is also a “small eyes” feature; to which ning-ge says, “I don’t believe anyone would use this. Why does it exist.” people continue to rib him for his settings XD

C: When the pandemic is over where do you want to go? LYN: Nowhere. After the pandemic I hope I can be on my way to work.

- someone asked him if his eyebrows are drawn on :p LYN: I’m a little weird in that my eyebrows are pretty thick/heavy but I don’t have many eyelashes. It’s strange because usually if people have thick eyelashes their eyebrows will be thick too. But I only have the eyebrows. I lost out.

C: My 8 year old is watching your stream and laughing. LYN: I’m being laughed at by a child, is that it? Little kid, do you believe in the light?* [*this is apparently an Ultraman reference]

C: Will you hold an online concert? LYN: Sure, when I have some free time. Of course it’ll be more condensed/simple and it’ll be free. We’ll see. Let’s put this pie in the sky to the side for now. You know I’ve always wanted to do a Disney stream. I’ve had a few chances but something always came up so Disney has been put on hold. I'll do it one day, I promise. C: Reminder to put up a notice for the online concert. LYN: You can come if you want to. We’re not one too many nor one too little. I will, though. I won’t be anything official, just a little something for fun. I’ll have to check my time, because there are still a lot of important things I have to get done.  C: Universal Studios, too. LYN: Um Universal Studios... I won’t be streaming. Because I have a partnership with Disney right now. /plays Magical Surprise/ C: Do you need to buy ticket to get into Disney? LYN: Do you think I can just walk straight up to the gates?? Pull the “don’t you know who I am” card? When they ask me who I am I’ll play Magical Surprise and say, “I sang this. Let me in.” No??? I have to buy a ticket just like everyone else. If you’re thinking I can just walk straight in I’ll tell you what they’ll do- escort me straight back out.

LYN: You know I don’t like to take advantage of people. That stream where I took you around Hengdian? Actually I didn’t have to buy tickets to get in at all. I have an actor’s pass- I could have just told them I was on my way to shoot a drama and they would have let me in. But I bought a ticket all the same. Those are the rules. C: Can I borrow your actor’s pass? LYN: What for? Also, you don’t look like me. If you did, you should be a celebrity. 

C: Ning-ge! My older sister is watching you stream and she won’t even reply to my texts. LYN: She’s too engrossed. She doesn’t want to miss anything I say or any expression I make. If anyone here is an older sister, check your phones. Is anyone trying to reach you right now? Is your delivery here and you have to sign for it? Don’t miss it. Just earlier in my stream someone’s package was stolen and they needed my help to report it. Hurry and check your phone. C: When I watch streams I don’t check my phone. LYN: You should check. It could be important. 

C: Are you going to stream tomorrow? LYN: I can’t stream all the time! Once a week is about right. I have other things to do- I need to pave the way for some future projects and I have to work. I have to have a life, too since I can’t work all the time.  LYN: Of course, I am very grateful for those of you who came right when I started and have stuck with me until now. How many of you are there? Type “1″ into the comments. C: Ning-ge, you said you needed to have your own life, too. That means that to you, streaming is considered work? LYN: Are you trying to morally kidnap me? Streaming isn’t work, but it’s still important to me. That’s why I’m dressed like this. If it weren’t important than I would just come to stream without washing my face or hair. I wouldn’t need to come stream for the public, I would just make a chatroom and hang out with you there. Streaming is important to me because not only are my fans watching, there are “tourists” and fans of other people watching too. I have to take it seriously.

LYN: Other than streaming I have to keep up my networking. Otherwise how else can I expect to find work? I can’t just play with you all the time. 5 hours once a week is good enough. I still have to attend some social networking things, so that I’ll have work later on. LYN: I mentioned the Fox Matchmaker in my stream that one time. Later they came to find me. They contacted my manager- I was scared to death. Was I wrong to mention them in my stream? Did I overstep my bounds when I was joking and saying I knew who they cast as the lead? They came to find me and they said, “Let’s talk.” I told them, “I’m in Hengdian” and they shot back with “It’s alright, we’ll fly out to meet you. Let’s meet up. I have three people, how many do you have?” Was I supposed to bring more people along? But I just went with my manager. We went and got to know each other. I thought we were going for a fight but that didn’t end up happening. It’s all good though, because now if they need anything they’ll have me in mind. So every now and then I do have to go out and have a social meal, for networking. LYN: Someone even told me I should go out for meals more often. Anywhere the bosses tend to gather, I should go. Because the last time I did I was able to get a job out of it. XD There aren’t that many meals to be had, my friends.

C: The Long Ballad is trending. LYN: ?_? What day is it today? Why is the Long Ballad trending? It’s not, right?  C: It has nothing to do with you. LYN: ?? What does that mean? C: Don’t worry about it. LYN: Oh. Okay, well... then we’ll just keep streaming. LYN: I’m not looking! I was replying to some messages...

C: Will you go back to Beijing when this drama wraps? LYN: I don’t think I will. I wanted to, for the Thermage treatment, but I think I’ll stay in Hengdian. I’ll have to go film for the variety show too, before my next drama starts up. So I’ll just stick around. C: What about the Thermage? LYN: XD Do you know why I like acting in period dramas? I’ll confess. Because they require you to wear the wig. When they pull your hair back to stick the wig on.. it’s like a manual face-lift. It helps your visuals. Some people you will find look very good in period dramas but when they act in modern dramas they... look ugly. It’s because the period dramas give you a face-lift. But now I’ve signed on with a modern drama. I can’t get the face-lift so what can I do? I can’t tape my own face up. So that’s why I was thinking I wanted to get a treatment before my next drama started. 

C: Will your skin sag when they take the wig off? LYN: No, it’s alright because it’s not pulling THAT harshly.  C: Will the wigs mess with your hairline? LYN: Yes, because they’re glued right there. Look, on me- it’s red right here. My head is a bit sensitive to it- it was the worst with ALZ. It was all red, it’s become a dermatitis. Because after the glue, they have to take it off with alcohol and it really irritates the skin. When I shoot for too long it gets itchy and uncomfortable.  C: Is there no way to prevent it? LYN: It’s just a skin sensitivity. There’s no way to avoid it. The hairline does get effected, because when you’re peeling the glue off you’re likely to pull some hairs. Also they’re sitting in glue all day.. yeah, they’re going to be hurt by it. [t/n: there is a way... grow your hair out and use your natural hair instead of wigs...] C: No wonder Ning-ge likes to wear hats during his stream. LYN: What do you mean? I was wearing hats because my hair was greasy from being stuffed into a wig all day, it wasn’t necessarily because I had an allergic reaction to the glue.

C: Shoot less period dramas then. LYN: No, I have to shoot them while I still can. I’m already so old, if I don’t do it now I won’t have the chance later. While I still have my hairline and my face can still be saved with Thermage treatments, I need to do as many period dramas as I can. C: You can still do period dramas- acting as the male lead’s dad. LYN: That’s fine too, I guess. If I start down that road there’s no turning back, so I’ll stick with younger roles for now. 

LYN: Alright. Thank you for watching my stream today. I hope you had a wonderful and relaxing night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet the next time, friends. Good night~ C: I just came and you’re leaving. LYN: I’m not doing this to you on purpose. I’m doing this to everyone who is still here right now. I already said I was going to log-off at 11p. If you want to watch my stream, you can watch the playback. LYN: Goodnight everyone!

[lizbotw]

it’s only sharing a disgustingly sweet milkshake at the local college town diner after both of your evening classes that suna graciously provides the answers to the math homework.

the spongy pencil eraser is easy for you to sink your teeth into as you puzzle over his handwriting. “you know,” you mumble around the nib, trying to figure out if that’s a 5 or a 6, “i never know why you do this to me every week.” this time the drink with two plastic straws floating in an unhealthy heaping of whip cream is a syrupy strawberry flavor.

rintarou tips forward to sip at one of them and in your peripheral, chunky pink-coated fruit pieces travel up the clear tube and disappear between his lips. he releases the straw with an annoying ah that makes you frown, even if you weren’t concentrating in the first place. “aw, don’t tell me you don’t like hanging out with me.” he feigns hurt.

a well placed sip of your own allows you to avoid having to answer that—you have a personal rule of never being sappy in the presence of calculus. if you didn’t like him, suna knows you wouldn’t be hanging out with him—there are just some things you can’t do, even if it’s for the sake of your grade. none of this has to be said out loud of course, but he decides to be annoying and ask anyway.

actually—well... maybe hanging out is... not exactly how this appears to bystanders.

sharing a drink like this, you two probably look more like a couple on a (terribly cheap) afternoon date, rather than two broke college students that split meals to save money and believe that sharing answers for homework isn’t cheating, it’s collaboration.

ha, as if it would ever be different—things like the former never come true. maybe in movies, but that’s about where the line is drawn.

as if he knows what you’re thinking, suna raises an eyebrow at you over the glass, a smile playing on his lips—the same stupid look he always gives you. it feels particularly worse this evening.

it’s hard to avoid eye contact with him mere inches away, but you manage when a car painted a very interesting shade of red rumbles past the fingerprint covered window. you’re grateful for the distraction.

the subject changes when you realize suna has terrible taste when it comes to ordering milkshakes. “what flavor is this?” you spit out the word as though the very concept of calling this a real flavor is more disgusting than the drink itself, smacking your lips and screwing up your face at the excessively saccharine, artificial strawberry aftertaste.

this is no ordinary strawberry milkshake. no, this is a so-bad-only-suna-rintarou-would-order-something-this-horrible-(and-not-necessarily-on-purpose-either) strawberry milkshake.

“valentine’s valor,” he states matter-of-factly like those words mean anything to you. you stare at him until he elaborates. “their valentine’s special,” he clarifies and is gifted with a sarcastic thumbs-up from you in thanks—it is pointedly ignored and suna slings an arm over back of his seat. “dunno the exact flavor though. forgot.”

it tastes like the embodiment of pink, you decide. valentine’s valor. what a stupid name. there are a million and one better words that start with v... you can name at least five with a little thinking. you should ask them to hire you as part of their marketing team, you decide.

maybe it’s fitting title though. you certainly need valor to even think about taking another sip of that... concoction—which you do because you are obsessed with getting your money’s worth.

“valentine’s day was half a week ago?” your mental calendar helpfully supplies.

the clatter of pans in the back kitchen somehow mingles charmingly with the way rintarou throws his head back to laugh—a scene straight out of a movie really. you decide you hate him in the moment. “right you are. want a prize?” ugh. you stick your tongue out at his tone.

great. as if to add insult to injury, of course you’re sharing an out-of-date love holiday special with suna of all people. valentine’s was four days ago and this is where you are on a thursday night. the sticky upholstery of the booth seat, ripped and fraying at the corners, squeaks and groans and attaches itself to the fabric of your jeans as you shift around, suddenly hot. what a strange situation to be in, you think. this has to be a metaphor for life—then again, you’d been thinking this whole... thing has been a metaphor anyway.

yup, ever since suna sat next to you in a calculus II lecture all those fated months ago and took pity on how much you fucking sucked at math, up until the present where he takes slightly less pity on you but does enjoy emptying your dorm mini-fridge and making you pay for his milkshakes—all of it. this entire thing with him. one big stupid metaphor.

the specifics of how you came to have a routine like this are certainly murky, but two things are for certain—one, your calculus grade is certainly a lot better than it would have been otherwise, and two, you have one friend more than you did at the start of the school year. (that last one is kind of a big deal, you think. the college social scene is brutal. the word friend has started to become more disappointing than exhilarating lately though.)

rin reaches to your left to pick at the fries you’d ordered as a side—you’ve learned not to try and stop him. “also,” he adds, mouth full, “you’re totally getting me a new pencil after this.” yes, true, the pencil you’re currently leaving frustrated teeth marks all over isn’t yours. very easy to forget in the moment. you’ve probably destroyed 15 of his pencils by now for the 15 weeks of the last semester—only 7 so far for the current one. you do the mental math.

instead of drawing in the sharp lines of the differential equation that should be going in the question box, you lightly trace in the curves of a 2 and then another one next to it in the corner of the worksheet, graphite underlining them both in one swoop. the horribly thin paper of the school library’s printer is scratchy as you write but soon you flip the pencil over and under your fingers to tap the eraser (that has seen better days) just below what you wrote. “this is pencil number 22.”

suna leans over to look at the number as if you hadn’t just told him what it said. what an idiot. “glad you’re keeping count.” he settles back into his seat. “when can i expect my reimbursement?”

“you’re funny,” you say, without a hint of humor in your voice. the pretty 22 you had written now has flower petals growing off of the sides as you get distracted doodling along the edges of your work. it’s quiet for a moment as he watches you, or maybe as he takes the chance while you’re distracted to shove more french fries down his throat—either option is plausible and you don’t lift your eyes to check.

something occurs to you.

“rin.” you take an extended pause in between the words as you continue drawing, just to annoy him. you don’t continue speaking until he grumbles in acknowledgment (you try to hide your smile). “do you ever doodle in your notebooks?” now that you thought about it, suna was surprisingly pretty straight-laced when it came to class—you couldn’t ever recall him ever slacking off to the degree that meant his pages were filled with hearts and stars and flowers and suns and atomically inaccurate animals and tiny people in different colored ink. your work was always certainly the more vibrant out of the two (perhaps that could explain your grades and how you understand like... nothing in your lectures, but you decide correlation does not equal causation).

“waste of time,” he says around another mouthful of fries, another one already halfway there to his mouth.

suna is also surprisingly negative at times—but the blue book flipped open to his homework says maybe he’s just a liar though. you squint at it.

“it’s still pretty early but we probably should get out of here soon,” suna says, pulling his phone out from his pocket to check the time and leaning his elbows on the table. “i’ll walk you back. your roomie doesn’t leave the gym until 9—before you ask, yes i’ve been keeping track. it’s not stalking if it’s for my own sake.”—rin is, of course, referring to the long standing rivalry between him and your (very nice, might you add) roommate you don’t really understand but which has cumulated in him deciding he would avoid them as much as humanly possible purely out of spite. (“the only person i like in dorm 302 is you,” he’d told you one time and the throwaway sentence maybe made your heart flutter more than it probably should’ve.)

the bell above the front door jingles behind you as another patron enters. rin glances up at the sound and then returns to his phone with a bored bat of his eyes, probably scrolling through twitter or replying to texts, and picking at his teeth with a toothpick (where did he even get that?).

you try to get back to work (copying) but something in your gut tells you there’s more to his notebook than the messy handwriting and crossed out words that meet the eye.

with suna distracted, you take the chance to carefully slide the book towards you and then, in a single quick swipe, pull it into your lap under the table, already leafing to the back pages—everyone knows that’s where the real secrets are—not sure what to expect. a flash of color makes you pause and you flip back to a page that has the corner folded into a tiny, crisp triangle.

whatever you were thinking suna had stashed in the back of his calculus notebook certainly does not match up with what’s staring you in the face currently. sparkly, gel-inked hearts in neon colors glitter under the fluorescent overheads. in each of them, written in capital letters neater than you thought possible for suna, is your initials, a small plus sign in the middle, and then S.R. (for none other than suna rinatoru) next to it. it instantly makes sense to you. “rin, what the fuck.” one side of the book dangles from your hand, pages fluttering, and you hold it up for him to see, other hand flying to cover your mouth because you don’t know whether to laugh or pretend to be mortified or what.

it’s very amusing to watch how suna goes from a disinterested stare, to widened eyes, to reaching over the heaps of school supplies to attempt to grab the book from you, frantic. you hold it just out of reach. “what are you—” an old lady at a table shushes him when he half-screams. “—give that back,” suna whisper-yells instead in the greatest verbal equivalent of tiny caps you’ve ever heard.

“not a chance.”

he looks like he wants to lunge across the table and pry his prized possession from your meddling hands, but also has half the mind not to make a scene. getting kicked out and then subsequently banned from his favorite diner all on a noise complaint and disorderly conduct accusation was not ideal.

you hum, flip back to your place, and observe the drawings covering the lined pages. you shoot him a venomous smirk over the edge of the cover, one that’s more theatrics than anything, and say with all the satisfaction of someone who knows they have all the power, “oh, this is gold.” he deflates and you feel grateful he doesn’t see right through your facade because oh man are you sweating inside right now. what the fuck? no way suna rintarou is drawing little hearts with both of your initials in it like a lovesick middle schooler. no fucking way. you almost want to tell him that you did the same thing once when the thoughts about him had gotten especially bad (you felt guilty afterwards though, thinking you never had a chance with him, but... now... if he’s doing the same—well, that kind of changes everything).

suna is utterly defeated you think—doesn’t even try to defend himself, just slumps in his seat with a groan. you at least expected a “i can explain!” from him, a last attempt at dignity, not the resigned “i’m never going to live this down, am i?” he mumbles after a few seconds. well, either works for you.

“nope,” you quip, maybe a little too cheerfully because the response you receive is a distressed wail and him banging his head against the table. the old lady shushes him again. you chuckle at that (it feels a little wobbly though because once again, freaking out here) and flip the page. you stop.

this one has similar perfect little hearts drawn all over it, but there are other things. cute, standard shaky drawings of misshapen dogs and volleyballs and other things you never thought suna would take it upon himself to create but all of which make sense are there. but there’s something else. little scribbles in the corners with your last name swapped with his and even him trying out his name with your last one—all of them are scratched out but not so much you can’t read them. a list on the right in a very tiny font that makes you think he was embarrassed even penning the words is titled “date ideas?” (the question mark is in red and the dot is a heart) and has several popular spots around town written down in the local lingo of unofficial names for them.

“listen... please let’s forget about this.” rin’s voice is muffled and he’s still faceplanted. “it’s fine if you don’t... you know... yeah.” if you don’t feel that way, he means. true, the doodles were a pretty good indication of his feelings.

what to do...

well... you take pity on him, let your lips upturn and your eyes soften to reflect the sentiment, and shut the book with a quiet thud. you slide it back across the table from where it came and back to him silently. you give it a resounding pat when suna peeks up at you, expression saying it all—he was so going to get you back for this. you stick your tongue out—acceptance of the challenge. and just like that, you’re friends again—maybe that’s what’s so great about suna.

as you get ready to leave and slowly begin the trek back to the dorm buildings with him, street lamps glimmering a pasty yellow, there’s no awkward tension, no need to ask questions, no verbal wonderings about what ifs between you two. it’s just joking and shoving each other around and challenges to see who can run to the next tree the fastest in the middle of the chilly february night. you know, maybe for now you’ll keep your own thoughts a secret.

[m0srael]

Torch Your Inhibitions

2k | E | Read on Ao3

Third installment for @magpiefngrl's 2021 Summer Writing Challenge. Prompts: Bonfire + Sex Pollen + Unreliable Narrator. I joked about making this just a whole lotta nature-based group sex and...well... Thanks @nv-md and @devilrising for making this even better!

“Malfoy, are you sure the invitation says no pants allowed?” Harry says to the mirror as he grimaces and tightens the rope holding his robe closed around his hips.

“Yes, Luna has been very clear about the order of this evening’s events, and frankly it just seems... neater to me. You disagree?”

Harry forgets to reply for a moment, distracted by the broad swath of pale chest Draco’s own robe has left exposed, one hard, pink nipple on full display. Draco doesn’t notice that Harry’s jaw has gone slack as he’s too busy readjusting himself under the thick, burgundy fabric that makes his hair seem more golden than usual.

“Well, I mean, she’s not going to check, is she?” Harry manages to say, despite the marked blood deficit in his brain. “Bloody hell, what am I saying, it’s Luna of course she’d check.”

“Right. So…” Draco murmurs , matter-of-factly, as he moves to stand close behind Harry, making eye contact in the mirror, “knickers off, Potter.”

Harry tells himself he doesn’t know what Draco is about to do, but the moment he feels the fabric shift against his arse he freezes, hoping beyond hope that he has guessed correctly.

“Alright?” Draco whispers on a smirk into his bare shoulder as an unsupressable shudder shakes through Harry.

Harry can’t speak, so he just nods.

Draco slowly gathers up the bottom of Harry’s robe in his fingers until he can slip his hands underneath it, letting it cascade down his wrists. He hooks his thumbs in the elastic band where it wraps around Harry’s hips.

Harry’s eyes fall closed as Draco’s fingers drag against his skin, down and down Harry’s thighs, until his pants fall to the ground.

Draco makes a soft sound. When Harry’s eyes fly open he realizes that Draco’s gaze is fixed to the tent in his loose robe, all the more obvious now that his cock is free.

“Steady, Potter. We haven’t even made it to the party yet,” Draco growls, before turning quickly and stalking out of the bedroom.

Harry groans and covers his flaming face, letting his head thunk against the wardrobe door. He doesn’t understand what it all means.

He and Draco have been living together for a year and a half. For the first six months they avoided one another almost entirely. The eight or so months after that had been punctuated by short, fiery conversations as they felt each other out, slowly arriving at some mutual understanding and even cautious friendship.

The last few months, including the very moment Harry finds himself in presently, have been an unending nightmare. He never realized how tactile Draco is with friends, but he touches Harry all the time.

When Draco needs a glass from the cupboard over Harry’s head, he plants one hot palm firmly on Harry’s lower back to steady himself. When they sit on the couch watching films, Draco always slides his cold feet under Harry’s thigh for warmth. It only takes half a pint at the pub before Draco’s leaning into Harry’s side, and another half before Draco drops his head onto Harry’s shoulder and presses his nose into Harry’s throat.

Draco also apparently has some aversion to closed doors. Harry is sure it has something to do with growing up in the Manor, being shut in for so long with such terrible people. It doesn’t really bother Harry, who also hates feeling trapped.

Though...he did accidentally walk in on Draco in the shower, mid-wank, last week.

Harry had stood, mesmerized in the doorway, watching for longer than he would ever admit (even to himself). He only averted his eyes when Draco noticed him, and said, “Are you going to stand there gaping, or are you going to help, Potter?” He laughed mockingly as Harry hurried down the hallway shouting apologies.

A tiny part of Harry’s brain recognizes Draco’s behavior as flirtatious. The other part--the louder part--knows that never in a million years would Draco Malfoy share Harry’s secret desires. This is just how Draco is with everyone. Harry only started to notice it once they lived in the same house.

“Harry...I know you told me to stop asking, but...you’re sure you’re okay with this? You want to go? The details of the ritual were pretty clear, and Luna did say that no one was obligated to--”

Gods, did Draco think he was that naive and squeamish? No, he would see this through, if only to prove a point.

“Yeah, yep...yes. I’m okay. I mean, I want to go. I’m...curious. NO! I mean, well...I want to...support Luna, so…” Harry trails off as he joins Draco on the front steps.

“Uh huh. Convincing,” Draco smirks, “if you want to leave, you can. Okay?” he finishes in that soft, pedantic way of his before taking Harry’s hand and apparating them to the coordinates from Luna’s invitation.

*

Luna had insisted everyone arrive rested and well-hydrated, and Harry was glad he’d taken her advice.

Before the sunlight faded completely, they set up the May Day altar together, followed Luna in a series of prayers for fertility and abundance, and danced around the maypole. Neville had even brought everyone a seedling to plant somewhere in the forest or take home to plant in their garden.

Harry would be feeling a little silly about all the neo-pagan pageantry, if his stomach weren’t tying itself into knots the further the sun falls below the horizon.

Before he knows it, Seamus is tossing a lit torch onto a giant pile of logs in the center of the forest clearing.

“Happy May Day, everyone!” Luna sing-songs as they all assemble around the bonfire.

She reaches into a fold in her robe and pulls out a small pouch.

“It’s time for the most important rite of the evening. I hope you all took the time to read the pamphlet I included with your invitation. If you’d like to forgo participation, I suggest you step away from the fire before we begin. If anyone is still unsure about what this part of the evening entails, please let me know now! There are no silly questions!”

Harry watches as a few people say their goodbyes and apparate away. He lifts one foot slightly as if to move away from the fire before catching Draco’s eyes across the circle. His brow is furrowed—he looks upset. His eyes are glowing in the firelight and he flicks his tongue out along his bottom lip. Harry plants his feet, nodding slightly as if to say yeah, I’m okay, I’m staying.

“Alright, everyone! Take the hands of the people beside you!”

Harry’s hand closes around Neville’s on one side and Pansy’s on the other. He makes eye contact with Neville and can’t stop the manic, high-pitched laugh that ekes its way out of his throat. Neville just smiles warmly and squeezes his hand. Harry’s stomach flutters.

“Have you all got the kits we sent with your invitations?” The group murmurs affirmatively. “Good! Just in case, there are extras in the basket over there! Can’t be too careful!” says Luna as she opens the pouch and dumps sparkling powder onto the fire.

The flames turn a brilliant deep purple color and leap up six or seven feet, giving off thick plumes of lavender smoke. Neville inhales and sighs deeply.

Harry closes his eyes and lets the fragrant smoke overwhelm his senses. He feels a soft breeze caress his hot skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. He gasps as his robe rustles around his thighs.

Every ounce of nervousness melts out of him and into the earth. He’s distantly aware that there are people moving around him but he can’t be bothered to open his eyes and look at them; he feels better than he’s ever felt in his life.

Gentle fingers slide into his hair, making his mouth fall open to receive an eager tongue.

“Harry…” Neville whispers into his mouth before kissing him soundly. They stand for a while, lips sliding over each other’s mouths and palms moving over each other’s bodies.

“Mm, s’good…” Harry slurs as someone unties the rope around his hips and slides his robe off. He shivers at the sudden kiss of cool air and curling smoke.

When he finally pries his eyes open his view is full of the top of Neville’s head, now on his knees in front of Harry. Harry rolls Neville's head in his palms until their glassy eyes meet. Harry hadn’t realized he was so hard--he groans as Neville takes him in hand and begins to stroke him lazily.

A hand slides around his chest from behind and a soft, warm body presses flush against his back.

“I always thought you were fit...” Pansy mouths against the back of his neck. Her small fingers tease his nipples as she rolls her naked body against his.

Harry shivers again when the thick smoke parts and his eyes land on Draco across the fire. He’s kissing Seamus deeply, one hand wrapped around the back of his head, as he strokes them both with one hand. He gasps when Draco opens his eyes and turns his head slightly to look right at him.

Making sure he didn’t chicken out, probably.

Harry’s head falls back onto the top of Pansy’s as Neville takes him into his mouth, inch by inch, humming around him. Harry’s first orgasm rolls through him almost without his knowledge, every cell in his body pulsing as Neville moans and licks him through it. He watches as Neville pulls off and strokes himself to completion, one hand gripping Harry’s thigh tightly.

*

He’s on his knees in front of Pansy, who he’s backed into a tree at the edge of the clearing, his face wet and hot, when he hears that voice.

“My loves,” Draco purrs. The clearing is filled with the sounds of heavy panting and urgent moans.

As Draco leans over Harry’s shoulder to kiss Pansy, his cock rests hot and heavy on Harry’s shoulder. Harry slides his tongue out of Pansy, replacing it with two fingers, to press his mouth to Draco’s throbbing flesh. Draco curls his fingers in Harry’s hair, pulling hard.

“Harry...need you…now...” Draco pants, pulling his head further back so they can make eye contact. Pansy moans loudly and Harry can feel her tighten around him, hips rocking forward onto his fingers.

Draco pulls Harry away from the clearing, the light and sounds from the bonfire growing distant and muffled. He urges Harry onto his back on the forest floor before straddling his hips.

“So...beautiful,” breathes Harry as he runs appreciative hands over Draco’s scarred chest, “want you so much…”

“Want you too, for so long, Harry,” Draco replies as he pops open the cap of the little bottle of lube Luna had sent them. The handmade label reads ‘A Happy May Day is a Lubricated One!’ complete with little drawings of butterflies.

“What?” replies Harry, hands stilling in confusion.

Harry can’t temper the sound that tears out of him as Draco wraps his wet hand around them both and begins to roll his hips. Harry thinks he’ll come again from that alone, but before he can Draco’s hand is gone.

“Aren’t you glad, now, that you listened to the no-pants rule--ah--Potter?” Draco quips as he lowers himself slowly onto Harry.

“Mmmm, yes, yes you were right,” hisses Harry as waves of heat and sensation roll up his spine.

“There, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?” Draco teases on a breathy laugh that quickly becomes a low moan.

Harry’s hips press up to meet Draco’s every slow, languorous thrust. Harry drifts, pulled under by Draco’s fingers and his lips at Harry’s ear whispering all kinds of incredible things.

You’re all I want, Harry. Need you, all the time, not just tonight. Please, I’m yours, I’m yours, Harry.

When Harry comes, he cradles Draco’s face in his hands, open mouth pressed against the corner of Draco’s mouth. Draco immediately follows, breathing out Harry’s name again, and again.

Harry can’t stop the laugh that forces its way out of his chest, and he’s delighted when Draco laughs along with him, folding forward to rest his forehead against Harry’s.

*

When Harry wakes up the next morning his memory of the night before is complete in his mind, but it feels wrapped in a purple-tinted haze. It takes him a moment to realize that he’s not alone in his bed--Draco is tucked up against his side, breathing gently.

Harry turns to watch him sleep in silence for a moment, finally admitting to himself that Draco really had been flirting with him the whole time. He wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but he doesn’t want to wake Draco.

It takes him a moment to notice that Draco’s eyes have blinked open sleepily.

“Mine?” whispers Harry.

“Yours, Harry.”

[writingsforanyone]

Forgotten Fling 2/7

Pairing: Y/N x Brett Talbot

Warnings: Guns

A/N: found this in my notes and realized i never continued this story, so i figured now is as good of a time as any! this is going to be slightly slowburn so there will be more parts!

++++++++++++++++++++++

“Y/N”

“Y/N!!”

You bolted upright, startled awake by your little brother Liam. You looked around and noticed you were in the some clothes from last night, with your essay notes and textbooks spread around you on the bed.

“What? What is it?” you said.

“We have to be at school in 20 minutes,” Liam said, before rushing out of your room.

You took a minute to recall the events from yesterday: school, the lacrosse game, your essay, Brett. Seeing Brett get off the bus, at the game, and most importantly: helping him at the clinic. You shook yourself back into reality and bolted into your bathroom. You looked into the mirror and saw your red face and puffy eyes, messy bun in your hair that you definitely forgot to wash last night. In simpler words: You looked terrible. After getting home from the clinic, you laid on top of your bed, and cried for hours ; homework long forgotten. You must’ve eventually fallen asleep and forgot to set your alarm, because the last thing you remember is recalling all of your memories with Brett.

You shook yourself back into reality, again, and kicked it into high gear. You washed your face, brushed your teeth, attempted to brush your hair, before throwing it into a slightly neater messy bun than before, and stripped out of your dirty clothes. You found the closest pair of clean leggings you could find, and a random crewneck from your closet. Finally, you went over to your bed and shoved all of your work from the night before into your bag and shoved your shoes on. You grabbed your keys and your phone and raced down the stairs.

“Finally! What took you so long?” Liam said.

You looked over and saw him sitting at the kitchen table, empty plate in front him.

“In case you forgot, I had kind of a rough night last night. Now let’s go, we have like 5 minutes to get to school.”

Considering you and Liam didn’t live far from the school, you didn’t have to speed too much to get there. After a silent car ride, you pulled into the parking lot just was the first bell was ringing. You both hurried into the school, halfheartedly saying goodbye to each other and heading to your respective classes. You slid into your English class just as the final bell rang and hurried over to your seat next to Lydia. She gave you a confused look to which you shook your head and faced the front.

At the end of class, you and Lydia walked out and started heading to your lockers, when she suddenly stopped you and stepped directly in front of you.

“Okay, what’s up with you? You’re never late to school, and you look sickly. Spill it.” she said.

“Is Brett on the deadpool?” you asked, ignoring her other comments.

“What?”

“Lydia, come on. I know you broke the second third of the list. Is he on it?”

“Yes.”

“How much is he worth?”

Lydia hesitated and took a deep breath, before saying, “1 million.”

You sucked in a breath. You weren’t surprised by her answers, but you definitely weren’t expecting your stomach to drop when she said it. The question had been in your head since the night before, and was a majority of the reason you had trouble sleeping.

“Okay. Thanks,” you said, turning around without a second glance, ignoring Lydia’s calls for you. You didn’t know why you were so upset when she told you. You knew Brett was a werewolf, so why wouldn’t he be on the deadpool? The bigger question: Why were you so worried about him?

—————————

Over the next week, you struggled with yourself over what was going on in your head. You were over Brett, right? He made you choose between him and your little brother. The two of you were never even together in the first place. It was just a fling, and occasional hookup, right?

Lydia spent the week trying to get you to talk about it and get it off of your chest, while Liam spent his time talking about how much he hated Brett. You, on the other hand, wanted to forget about it and focus on the more important thing at hand, the deadpool. Since you didn’t have any supernatural abilities, you practiced the one thing you knew you could do to help: shooting a gun.

Your stepfather taught you how to shoot a gun when you were younger, but you never really took a big interest in them until you found out about the supernatural. You knew you had to have a way to protect yourself, and the ones you cared about, so you practiced. At first, you would go with your stepdad to the gun range as often as possible, but with his schedule as a doctor, picking out a specific time was hard. That’s when Scott introduced you to Braeden. Braeden helped you learn more about shooting a gun in the first week than you had ever known. Now, months later, if you weren’t helping the pack figure out who the Benefactor was, you were with Braeden. Shooting helped you get your mind off of everything going on, especially you conflicted thoughts about Brett.

“Are you picking me up from practice?” Liam asked as you were walking out of the high school at the end of the day.

“No, I’ve got plans. Can Scott take you?”

“I’ll ask him. What are you even doing anyway? You’ve barely been home all week.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later, okay?” you said as you walked over to your car, leaving Liam to wonder where you were off to. You hadn’t told Liam that you had been spending most of your time either at the range or with Braeden, but you weren’t sure why. Scott and Lydia both knew, but you made them promise not to tell Liam. Regardless, you got in your car and threw your bag into the passenger side, before heading off towards the range where you were meeting Braden.

As you pulled into the parking lot, you saw Braeden leaning against her car.

“Hey Y/N, you ready to do this?”

“I always am,” you replied while getting out of your car.

The two of you headed in and immediately got to work, you practicing with your favorite weapon: a Glock 19. According to California laws, you weren’t old enough to carry a firearm, but due to the circumstances, Braeden gave you one. You hadn’t had the need to use it yet, but it was more so a safety precaution incase you ever did need to.

_____________________

You had no idea how much time had passed since you got to the range, but Braeden was long gone when you got a call from Scott.

“Hello?” you answered.

“Hey Y/N, are you still at the range?” Scott rushed out.

“Yeah, why?”

“Look, normally i wouldn’t have called you for this, but I figured you’d want to know. Kira is on her way to the school. Brett and his sister are in trouble.”

“I’m on my w-,” you started to say, before Scott cut you off.

“Be careful okay? We don’t know what these people are capable of,” he said.

“I can handle myself Scott. I’ll let you know what happens,” you said, before hanging up the phone. You grabbed all of your belongings as quickly as you could before running out of the building and to your car. At this point it was pouring down rain, and you struggled to see as you drove to the school for the second time that day. You had no idea who you were up against, or what they were doing, all you knew is that Brett was in trouble, and you were not about to let him be the next casualty of the deadpool. You spotted Kira getting out of her car as soon as you pulled into the parking lot, and you didn’t even bother to park in a spot before stopping the car and turning it off. You looked over at the gun and the extra magazines laying in your passenger seat, debating if you should bring them or not. You grabbed them before you could change your mind, and got out of the car and ran over to Kira.

“Did Scott call you?” she yelled at you over the rain.

“Yeah he figured I’d want to be here. Any idea where they are?” you asked. Just as she was about to answer, you saw one of the stadium light on the lacrosse field come on, and the both of you took off in that direction. By the time you reached the field, all of the lights had come on, Kira and yourself were soaked from the rain, and you spotted Brett and Lori standing in the middle of the field. You also spotted the multiple assassins at the other end of the field, all with different weapons aiming for the chests of the young werewolves. Kira broke off in a sprint, you right on her heels, to the middle of the field. One of the assassins shot an arrow, and Kira was able to get to it and slice it in half just before it would have come into connect with Brett’s chest. You pulled your gun out of the back of your waistband, before you and Kira both turned to the siblings and yelled,

“Run!”

Both Brett and Lori opened their eyes and saw the two of you. You made eye contact with Brett, and when he didn’t move, you yelled at him again,

“Brett, get out of here! Take Lori and get to Deaton’s clinic!”

Brett hesitated, but upon seeing Kira slice another arrow in half, and the gun in your hand, he took off with Lori. At this point you had turned your attention towards the assassins that were shooting at you and Kira left and right. You struggled to see in the rain, but you aimed for the legs and started shooting. You didn’t want to kill anyone, you just wanted them to stop shooting and leave. You hit one of the men in the leg, and that’s when they took off. You looked over at Kira to see her breathing hard, you doing the same.

“Come on let go. We can call Scott on the way,” Kira said, grabbing your arm before the two of you ran to your cars. Kira agreed to call Scott on the way, and the both of you headed to the veterinary clinic. As you were driving, you took into account everything that just happened, and realized that the adrenaline had to have accounted for most of it.

“I just shot someone,” you thought, suddenly feeling like you were going to throw up.

“I just shot someone, who was trying to assassinate the boy I’m in love with,” you thought again. You didn’t realize that you had started to cry at the possibility of Brett almost dying, once again. This was the first time since seeing Brett get off of the bus, that you admitted to yourself that you still loved him. By this point, you had arrived at the clinic, and you saw that Kira was already walking in the door. You took a minute to compose yourself, wiping the tears off of your face. you turned off the ignition and went into the clinic, not expecting to see Brett’s entire pack, including his Alpha, in the back. You avoided eye contact with him and made your way over to Deaton, who was talking to Kira about what happened.

“Who’s idea was it to bring them here?” he asked.

“Mine. This was the first place i thought off, but I didn’t realize there was this many people in the pack,” You answered.

“Well, I’d say it was a good idea to bring them here. Has anyone called Scott?” Deaton asked again.

“I called him on the way over here. Liam’s with him,” Kira said, looking over at you. You realized now was as good of a time as any to tell your brother what you had been up too, since he would probably have found out eventually. Just then, you heard the bell over the front door sound, and you and Kira both ran out to see the boys. You ran too Liam and crushed him in a hug, while Kira went over to Scott and kissed him.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Liam said sounding worried.

“I’m fine. I’ll explain everything later, I promise,” you said, before looking at Scott and Kira.

“Did you find him? Did you find Brett?” Scott asked.

“Actually, I think we found all of them,” Kira said, before leading the four of you into the back room.

“Satomi, this is who I was telling you about,” Kira said, gesturing to Scott. Satomi nodded and smiled before saying,

“I know who Scott McCall is.”

“Are we safe here?” Lori suddenly asked, looking only at you. When you and Brett were “together,” you had become close with Lori, treating her like your little sister. You looked over at her and smiled, before saying,

“For now, yeah, you’re safe.” You looked over at Brett for the first time since you were on the lacrosse field, and you just barely caught the soft smiled on his lips. You wanted to look away, to look anywhere besides him, but you couldn’t. Brett was having the same problem. He wanted to break the eye contact, but he couldn’t either. Unbeknownst to the other one, memories of the two of you flooded both of your minds. Memories of when the two of you were happy together kept playing in your mind, and you didn’t want them to stop. It just seemed like everything around the both of you stopped, like you and Brett were the only two in the room, until,

“We’re gonna need help. A lot of help,” Scott said. You ripped your eyes away from Brett’s and looked over the Scott, before saying,

“I’ll call Braeden. You call Argent.” With that, you spun on your heel and headed outside, where it was still raining, but not quite as hard. The whole eye contact thing with Brett made you feel like you were going to throw up for the second time that night, but this time, you actually did it. You ran to the back of the building and threw up, all of the events of the night finally catching up to you: Saving Brett and Lori, the assassins, shooting someone. When you were done, you moved to lean on the side of the building, letting the rain hit you and calm you down. You were crying again, and you realized that you seemed to be crying a lot these days, something you never used to do. You hated crying because it made you feel weak.

Preoccupied with your thoughts, you didn’t hear Liam come up beside and you and ask if you were okay. You jumped at the sound of his voice, before saying,

“I need to tell you something. A lot of things actually.”

[dontmesswithnoheroin]

hey do u know what i cant stand 

the hot smart woman trope

yeh that one

i  r e f u s e to watch queens gambit because im so sick of this trope. and im gonna elaborate.

some would say im a woman and also smart. i study Conventionally Smart Subject^TM of physics, although - as some of my colleagues would argue - the dumbest kind of physics, which is cross-disciplinary geophysics. not a lot of equations, more like computation, models, looking at graphs and saying “ahhh... i dont get it”. 

any STEM student will tell you that a good deal of professors in STEM do not give a flying fuck about what they look like. the amount. of hairy underbelly sticking out of a too small button up shirt i’ve seen in my years as a student... far too much. in my study, about 75% of the professors are men. the women generally have to look neater than the men because Gender Roles, but a good deal of them still don’t give a fuck about what they look like, if it’s presentable, then that’s what it is. 

and don’t get me wrong, there are many female scientists that look fantastic and dress beautifully and are really, really Hot. and i’m a big fan of them.

but like. i feel like in movies and tv shows, if a woman is smart and not hot, she will not be taken seriously. it’s the fucking male gaze. i’m so sick of this tired ass, lazy ass trope of “woman too smart for her own good... she has social issues because she is So Smart. Smarter than the other women. Also wears spandex all the time.” like choose one??? if someone is so intelligent that they spend nearly every breathing moment solving complex problems within their field, they’re gonna forget to shower. and don’t even get me started on exercise to reach that Hollywood Skinny.

Hermione is the perfect example of this, especially the way they portray her in the movie. In the book, her transition at the gala is striking, because she generally doesn’t care what she looks like, with hair all over the place and an imposing personality that makes her less Attractive To Men. However, Emma Watson was chosen for this role, arguably one of the most conventionally beautiful women, and additionally they did everything to glam her up. Her entrance at the gala did not have a bit of the impact it meant to have had, because Hermione was already beautiful, styled to be beautiful, and generally a nauseatingly perfect character.

Standard Astronout Outfit:

Literally every woman in the Marvel universe is Like This:

Also that scientist chick from Jurassic World that ran from the dinosaurs in fucking high heels like kill me now:

And look, I don’t mean to dig at these women for being Conventionally Hollywood Attractive. It’s not their fault, right? And I also am aware of the ugly woman scientist trope, and that there are films and media in general which tried to break the stupid stereotype that women can be only either smart or sexy, not both. But I’m just so tired of a portrayal of an intelligent, workaholic woman as a sex bomb, an eye candy for men. You don’t get all of these things at once. Women are imperfect. A lot of women spend most time not wanting to be looked at. A lot of women scientists are unsexy most of the time. That should be fine. Women should be portrayed as human in media.

I have to say, there are also plenty fantastic examples of smart women who are also beautiful and not portrayed in this way. In fact, there is more and more of them. My recent fav is Mary Malone from His Dark Materials:

And don’t get me wrong here, I think Mary is h o t. In fact, I would let Mary raw me all night long. But her looks are nowhere near the center attraction of her character. It’s her intelligence, curiosity and kindness. She looks and dresses like a professor I could see at my campus. Her workaholism is expressed as having no family, spending all the time on her work, instead of strutting around in underwear with a bottle of whiskey. Her smarts ARE truly not good for her sometimes, she gets completely swallowed by her research. But she is never portrayed as a Sexy Woman In The Middle Of A Breakdown. And the best thing about Mary is, when she goes on a journey to a parallel world, she wears fucking hiker gear. HIKER GEAR. I love her sm.

Anyway, perhaps you can see my point why I really dislike the main character of the queens gambit without even seeing the series. Because the (record!) popularity of it reminds me of the fact that in the eyes of the world, a woman still has to be Sexy to be Smart. And I’m tired of it, folks. I’m really bored. Bring something new. I’ve seen a woman in underwear. I see her everyday actually. I want to see more female scientists that don’t give a fuck about male gaze, or anyone’s gaze for that matter.

That has been my TED talk.