#you can really tell which panels were my favourites to work on and which I just needed to get done lol

[camellcat]

during my s9 rewatch I was reminded of this project I made back when I was taking a photography class. while I never planned on sharing it bc it was never as good as I wanted it to be, I thought maybe someone might like it

sadly I don't have the original project file anymore, but it's supposed to be like you can print it out and fold into a little booklet! so here's what it looks like normally

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

[thrawns-babygirl]

Discomfort (Crosshair x GN!Reader)

Should I be working through my asks? Yes. Do I just really want to give Crosshair head? Also yes. Is Medic!Reader my favourite Crosshair trope? 100% yes. So have this self indulgent smut that I tried to add plot to

Also wanted to practice GN stuff so let me know how it goes. Also if it's not obvious the author is not a doctor and will never be one so please don't judge that part too harshly lmao.

Rating: E

Summary: Crosshair comes home from a mission injured and comes to see you after hours

Warnings: Oral M!Receiving (yes 2k words and that is literally it lmao)

Word Count: 2231

Masterlist

Did I write my longest fic yet just to give Cross some sloppy toppy? Abso-fucking-lutely. And I regret NOTHING

It was late when the Batch arrived back on Kamino, a ping on your comm failing to wake you from your heavy slumber. It had been a rather hectic day after all. Although you were officially the medic assigned to Clone Force 99, while they were off world you earned your keep looking after other squads who had gotten injuries while training or taking care of groups of clones that had to return to Kamino for medical emergencies. Which in the past few rotations was a lot of clones.

You were however roused from your slumber when your door chimed indicating a visitor. Grumbling to yourself and pulling on some loose fatigue pants and a tank top you shuffle over to the door of your modest quarters prepared to give your unwelcomed guest a piece of your mind.

Hitting the door panel, the door whooshed open to reveal Hunter and Crosshair, the former looking tired and apologetic with the weight of the latter slung over his shoulder.

“Sorry to bug you so late doc, but the long necks over in medical told us to come to you if it wasn’t life threatening, something about being over capacity at the moment” Hunter explained gesturing to the taller man next to him.

“I’m fine Hunter” Crosshair grit out, but you didn’t miss the slight wince as he tried to put pressure on his right leg.

All previous grouchiness leaving you as you took in the sight of an irate and obviously in pain Crosshair leaning against his brother. They both looked exhausted and given that it’s been a good number of rotations since you’ve seen them, you’re not surprised they look a little worse for wear.

Smiling softly, you move out of the doorway and gesture for them to come in. Hunter deposits a grumbling crosshair into one of the chairs in the corner of your room that seldom saw use. It’s not like you got too many visitors.

“I didn’t realise you were back home” you say as you head over to your cabinet to grab your supplies, given that he was still walking, you didn’t think there was too many problems with the sniper, but better to be safe than sorry.

“We only just got back, Tech tried to comm you, and when you didn’t reply we went to your bay in Medical only to be told to Kriff off basically by the regs there who-” Hunter attempted and failed to stifle a yawn “-seemed to have their hands full”.

“Go back to the barracks sarge, I’ll patch up Mr. Talkative over there and send him back over when we’re done” You smile as Hunter gives you a relieved look and nods at Crosshair “Behave yourself” he says as he heads towards the door leaving you alone with the sniper, who has yet to say a word to you.

“So Cross, what’s the problem?” You ask as you haul the remarkably taller man over your shoulder and guide him towards your bed to lie him down and you can begin examining what appears to be his right ankle if his limp is any descriptor.

“Meddling team mates and an annoying doctor who won’t let me go to sleep” he bites back slipping a toothpick into his mouth as he lies back on the bed that you were occupying not even ten minutes ago.

“Oh, a comedian now huh? Well, the jokes on you because the sooner you tell me what’s actually happening then the sooner I’ll be out of your hair and you can actually get some sleep. Just like your brothers are probably doing right now. So, I’ll ask again smart-ass, what’s wrong?” you slide on some latex gloves and begin reaching over his lithe legs to remove his boots and the hard plastoid of the lower half of his armour.

“Right ankle. Rolled it wrong retreating from the seppie’s base at the end of our last mission. Tech checked it over and said nothing was broken and to get you to look at it when we got back. Here I am.” He finally answers.

“See? Was that so hard? I know you’re tired but this whole process goes by a lot faster when you cooperate” giving him a small yet genuine smile, you start rotating the ankle, applying small amounts of pressure to see where it hurts the most and taking mental notes as you go. His replies are short and clipped the entire time, even as you dropped the snarky façade you usually had when dealing with this specific clone in favour of your usual bedside manner.

You slowly place his leg back down onto the bed, grabbing some supplies from the box beside you before inputting your findings into your data-pad.

“You’re especially talkative tonight. Credit for your thoughts?” this was your olive branch. Any time the two of you were together you would banter, bicker and generally be a headache for whoever was unfortunate enough to be in your presence, usually his brothers.

He remains silent, avoiding eye contact and facing the wall towards the other side of the room. The smell of you was invading his senses as he laid his head back on your pillows and making his resolve crumble. You were always so willing to play his games, always willing to bite when he would bait you into the sort of banter that gave Hunter a headache and made the others worry you actually hated each other. But you didn’t hate him, you both knew that.  

He wished you would just hate him like everyone else. He wished you would have just turned him away to deal with the pain until you were actually on duty tomorrow instead of inviting him into your room, lying him on your bed as you looked over him in nothing but loose sweats and a thin tank top. He never saw you outside of your uniform and he wasn’t prepared for his body’s reaction to the sight of your skin, his blood rushing south. He was only hoping this would be over as soon as possible and that you wouldn’t notice his slowly growing arousal.

“-if that’s alright?” Crosshair is shaken from his stupor as he realises, you’re talking to him.

“What?” he asks eloquently dragging his eyes over to you.

“I won’t be able to fully examine your ankle through your blacks, they are compression suits after all so I can’t exactly roll them up your leg without possibly exacerbating whatever’s wrong. I’ll need you to strip from the waist down so I can see the full extent of the bruising and check the scope of the swelling to make sure there are no torn ligaments or anything like that. It shouldn’t take too long” you give him a tired smile, your words free from any of the venom they usually have when you address one another.

“Now doc, if you wanted me alone and naked in your room you just had to ask” he smirks over at you. Trying to stall for time and will his semi hard cock to go down.

You roll your eyes, but you are acutely aware of the blush that has bloomed over your face. You can’t say you’ve never thought about it, that would be a huge lie. You’ve thought about it a lot. You were thinking about it as you went to sleep a few hours before being awoken by the object of your desires standing in the doorway to your quarters. But you were a doctor, and he was your patient, now was not the time to be having such inappropriate thoughts, now was the time to bury those feelings deeper than you usually would and just do your job.

“Oh? Alright then, pants off di’kut” you bite back, hoping that your snark covers up how you’re genuinely curious about what he’s hiding under his blacks. Looking up from your data-pad, you notice he’s blushing, Avoiding eye contact with you again.

You’re taken aback, even when your banter turns flirty, you’ve never seen the man in front of you blush, let alone seem embarrassed as he does now. Clearing his throat, he shifts on the bed, lifting his hips slightly to slide his blacks down. You’re about to tell him that if he’s uncomfortable he doesn’t need to undress in front of you, but the words catch in your throat as your eyes are drawn to the source of his discomfort.

He’s huge, long, thick and impossibly hard, the sight makes your mouth water and clears every professional thought from your head. You shake your head and attempt to get back into your ‘doctor’ headspace but its impossible to drag your eyes away from his length. Finally looking down to his ankle you begin to poke and prod and ask questions.

You determine that there is no severe damage and finally swallow your pride and meet his gaze again. His near permanent scowl is replaced with a smug smirk as he takes in your flustered expression.

“See something you like doc?” he all but purrs at you and your face feels like its on fire.

“Y-yes well there doesn’t appear to be anything that will require urgent medical attention, some bacta and a bandage as well as two or three days of rest will be all you need” your eyes burn into his, refusing to travel any lower as you remove your gloves.

“I don’t know about that doc… I can think of something else I might need. I do have some other areas of… discomfort” he’s teasing you now, happy to finally have the upper hand again.

You swallow, your mouth suddenly dry as you refuse to break eye contact with him.

“And- uh- how would you like me to help with that… discomfort, trooper?” your words are just above a whisper as your common sense loses out to your desire and your gaze return to his throbbing length, you notice a bit of precum has gathered at the tip and you want nothing more than to lean down and taste it.

Kark it. You two have been dancing around this for too long and professionalism is overrated anyway.

“You’re the doctor, you’re the one who should know what the patient nee- Ah” you cut him off by licking a line from the base of his cock to the tip, swirling your tongue along the tip to gather the beaded precum that has gathered over the course of your examination. He lets out a hiss, teeth clenching down on the toothpick in his mouth as the feeling of your warm mouth engulfs him.

He was just teasing, he didn’t think either of you would actually take that final step and he’s thrown off guard. You sense you have the advantage over him now and suck hard, running your tongue along the veins on the underside of his cock.

“Kriff doc, just like that- karking perfect” he grunts out above you. He’s panting now, his voice has lost its teasing edge and his hips are slowly rising to shove himself further into your warm mouth. You bring your hand around to stroke the part of him that you can’t fit into your throat.

He moves one of his hands to the back of your head, forcing you further onto his length and causing you to gag slightly. He lets out a sinful groan at the sound of you gagging on his cock, it sends jolts of electricity down his spine pushing him closer to the edge faster than he anticipated.

The sounds he’s making are downright addictive, causing you to double your efforts. Right now, you decide, you are going to give this man the best head of his life. Saliva runs out of your mouth down his shaft and onto his balls as you gag and moan around him. His heavy pants and soft slurping sounds are the only things that can be heard in your room as you bring him closer and closer to the edge.

The hand that’s not wrapped around his shaft moves down to his balls, moving and fondling them before your mouth leaves his length and you run your tongue along his balls, pumping him as you take one and then the other into your mouth sucking them lightly, savouring the strangled groans that he tries and fails to stifle.

“Kark- doc- I’m gonna-” you take him as deep in your throat as you can, swallowing around him as his hand tangles in your hair and holds you there as he spills down your throat, emptying himself into your welcoming mouth, hips thrusting up of their own accord.

You release his cock with a ‘pop’ and move to look up at him. He looks utterly ruined. Wide eyes, blown pupils and heaving chest stripping away all his prior cockiness. His mouth hangs open slightly, toothpick threatening to fall from its current position perched precariously on his bottom lip as he stares at you.

You apply some bacta patches, a bandage and hand him his previously discarded pants. You input some information into your data-pad before turning back to him.

“Well, if that’s everything I recommend returning to your barracks for a good night’s rest trooper. If any further… discomfort arises you know where to find me” you wink down at him.

@where-is-my-mind-tho

@starborncyare

[prairietrashdotcom]

eee i got tagged to do a tag game by @mrcrepsley thank you :)

im tagging: @stitchedgrave @laceandgore @r0ttdweller @cherubgore @cannibaldotcom @unfading-scrutiny but if you've already been tagged in this one or dont feel like it its cool. n if i didnt tag u please do it if you want to also.

Do you make your bed? if by make you mean pull down the duvet so it can air out, then yes. dont worry about why that is.

What's your favorite number? 3, 9, 13, 27

What is your job? i have been a sporadically employed hermit for the last four years :( i am starting college again next week though (media focused program) and theres a lot of production-like activity where i live so hopefully in the future that works out.

If you could go back to school, would you? See above, but i do sometimes wish i could go back to my uni in canada, but only if i was single so i could at least try n fuck my history prof at least once

Can you parallel park? no :(

A job you had that would surprise people? i have no idea how i am perceived on here so i dont know if it would surprise people that i've ghostwritten a book and worked as an actor in a haunted house. those were probably the least surprising answers but other than that its just bartending and baking.

Do you think aliens are real? duh.

Can you drive a manual car? i cannot drive any car but im working on it, although public transport here is just decent enough that it isnt, like, urgent.

What's your guilty pleasure? i honestly feel less ashamed of my various sexual proclivities than i do about living for TLC's Sister Wives. watching that chode get left in the dust not once, not twice, but thrice was especially delicious.

Tattoos? i have four. both of the ones on my right arm are bird themed but that was unintentional. theres a little bird on my forearm from The Garden of Earthly Delights' middle panel, and then a lawn flamingo on my right shoulder. the lawn flamingo is heavily associated in Winnipeg culture with the Transcona neighbourhood, where my mom's from and where i lived for a few years. everyone else in Winnipeg clowns on Transcona for being white trash, which is not technically incorrect but its my favourite place. On my left wrist ive got a hand with an eye in it, and then a crescent moon surrounded by clouds on my left shoulder.

Favorite color? pink, black, light blues, ive been really into brown this year.

Favorite type of music? i love music in general, any type can be good as long as the people making it care about it but 80s alternative/new wave/punk will always hit so so good for me. and vintage or alternative country. and 90s alt.

Do you like puzzles? i love doing the nyt puzzles stoned every night but i will die before i give them any money to play them.

Any phobias? someone with prior knowledge of my phobias using them to torture me

Favorite childhood sport? i did kickboxing in my teens for a lil bit n it was really fun :)

Do you talk to yourself? chronically, but only out loud if im home alone or out in public alone.

What movies do you adore? to the surprise of no one; horror, especially trashy b-horror/horror comedy. also whatever The Butcher Boy (1997) dir. Neil Jordan (i will never stop evangelizing this movie please watch it sinead o'connor plays the virgin mary) is.

Coffee or Tea? coffee 100%. i live in tea country however. sometimes its nice but objectively the 'tea' people are talking about here (Barrys vs Lyons) tastes like a hot wet paper bag unless you put 3 teaspoons of sugar in it.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? either a palaeontologist or a goth, its hard to tell which came first. ironically my mom was much more supportive of my desire to be goth. this is the cognitive dissonance that came with being an early 2000s evangelical christian who listens to Rob Zombie and Evanescence. she eventually relaxed about jesus.

[arthuluart]

Hiii - wanted to say first thing first I love your art style, it's so dynamic and fun and those color palettes? Stunning ^^

And second thing second, just some food for thought if you ever want to get angsty about Jerry and Dean, coffee by Chappell Roan sounds like it was written about their break up specifically and I can't stop thinking abt it dndnden

*Cue me losing my mind*

Hiii- they say flattery gets you everywhere and turns out with me, it gets you animatics- jkjk but I do appreciate the kind comments ^^

I’ll put up the animatic separately and take the opportunity to leave the preamble here to keep the video post neat bc until someone tells me to shut up and just post art- I’m gonna ramble… So here’s the commentary you didn’t ask for along with my favourite panels:

First off- You turned me into a big time Chappell Roan listener which is great bc I need music recs to fix my listening habits before Spotify wrapped drops. My roundup last year was shameful… Red Wine Supernova is my new dish washing song.

Even tho it’s not the song’s vibe I kept the content as silly as I could for my own sanity. I don’t love getting too deep into the serious/sad side of M+L for a few reasons but I do find it all very interesting. Point being this song was too good to pass up doing something a bit bigger for.

Ngl tho- this did have me pulling out hair at multiple points. I never colour animatics, rarely even tone them- but you mentioned colour palettes and I was determined to deliver so pardon the messy colouring but (that was the tradeoff) I did not have it in me to stay in the lines. I’m choosing to be kind to myself and opt to call it an artistic choice and not midway burnout. And nothing was gonna get me to open after effects/premiere not even the janky ass golf ball OML this only makes sense if u watch the video.

There are parts of this I’m SO happy with and others I hate. I think it’s really obvious which sections I started losing steam on but overall I lowkey like the end product. Nothing I make will ever be good/perfect- this was one hell of a practice in accepting that lmao- but I can still be ok with the work problems and all yknow? I very nearly shelved this completely bc I got so worked up about the maybe 5 panels I dislike out of 106 total. Counting them was eye opening to ask myself: you’re gonna let that small a ratio stop you from sharing this after putting in days and days of effort? The insecurity goes deep and TBH getting asks has been a nice way of working through it since I post the art I make for answers no matter what only bc I KNOW someone out there wants to see it. It might not sound it but it’s actually quite positive.

Also, although I feel I’ve done my fair share of reading, I’m no expert. So if anything is really off point- sorry my bad (I won’t fix it tho bc I cannot physically stand to look at this another second lol)

I tried to stick to real things found in articles/books/photos/interviews etc bc outside of obviously fictional AUs I’m not super into making stuff up about them (and who needs to I mean the legit stuff is already insane enough) Sure I framed the events in specific ways to suit the song and some aspects are fictionalized (mainly bc the referenced written accounts lacked detail to draw 100% faithfully from anyhow) but otherwise I got my sources cited.

ANYWAYS… sorry for hijacking this answer I need to learn to chill out. Irl I’m a pretty reserved talker so you can tell I’m in a comfy place when I let loose and blather on endlessly lmao brevity is not a skill I possess.

You were probably expecting illustrations or smth but I hope what I came up with is still somewhat alright AND please don’t let my complaining fool you, I genuinely loved making this.

One FINAL Relevant Note: the line “nowhere else is safe every place leads back to your place” is gut wrenching. You’re so right about this song perfectly describing the break up. They always came back to each other and there’s something so devastating about that kind of haunting human connection.

OkAY I’m done promise- I thought I’d implode if I didn’t get all that out

[mightymorphinlawsuit]

no intro uhh i'm gonna talk about Halloween Man

so when i started i was reading Hack/Slash, i came across the crossover they did with Halloween Man, and decided to look it up and start reading since i liked what the writer was doing.

while i was reading, i hit the second issue and came across this:

and obviously it startled me. i decided to read it, expecting fatphobia so i could remember not to interact with the comic in the future.

for context, here is the official description of Halloween Man

Slain by a vampire, but brought back to life by arcane magic, Solomon Hitch is Halloween Man, a flesh-eating zombie with the power of the horror movie sequel! Now, with the help of his glamorous super-scientist girlfriend Lucy, reprobate Necromancer Morlack, and hedonistic demi-god Man-Goat, he defends Solar City, Texas from evil.

it's labelled a horror comic, but i'd say it's more of an action comic than that.

here's Lucy's character description

she's meant to be your typical sexy smart redhead girlfriend that the Solomon can show off on covers

now that you know a little about these characters, let's get into the comic in particular

the story begins with Lucy and Solomon on the beach, when a helicopter drops a bomb into the ocean and explodes, which causes water to splash on everyone

i'm not gonna explain what the water does, but just show you these panels

typical villain modifies character's body in some way, making them "ugly" plot

so in the next panel, i expected her to be freaking out and crying about how she's ugly and how solomon needs to find a way to save her. but, surprisingly, she's calm about the situation

she just gets to work to try and solve what's happening

the issue concludes with the villain's backstory, but i was more interested in what would happen to Lucy. so, onto issue #3

immediately, i noticed the update in the character introduction

and it made me wonder, was this going to be permanent? and i read on

Solomon makes a comment on the fact on how what the villain has done to the women (make them fat) is awful, and Lucy's reaction is what got me:

so, this is permanent, and oh my gosh

you're telling me, the main character's love interest was turned into a plus sized woman, and she doesn't find it wrong?? she understands that it is just a change in her DNA and she can't do anything??? and best of all, SHE DOESN'T CARE AND ACCEPTS IT, BECAUSE SHE'S STILL A NORMAL PERSON AND NOTHING'S WRONG WITH HER??!!!

and it keeps getting better!!!!

the main character, the "macho badass man", still thinks she's sexy!!! he stays with her!!! because he loves that she's fat and he loves her!!!

later, when the arc ends and the women who were also affected come to her for a cure, this is what she tells them

"I'm determined to make the best of things. I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear"

so this is a permanent change in the comics going forward (even confirmed by the writer)!!!

love it or leave it. god.

the story ends with one of the women starting a clothing line for plus sized women that designs flattering and revealing clothes, naming it "LUCY" after the woman herself. this is her modelling it <3

and for proof of the permanent change thing, here is a recent picture of her from november

(um. awooga)

i don't really have a conclusion for this, i don't even think Halloween Man is a masterpiece of a comic or anything. what i do know is that this comic here, gained the writer, Drew Edwards a lot of respect from me, especially since he had the balls to do this in a webcomic in 2012.

so how about for a conclusion, my favourite questions answered by Edwards

and some of Lucy's concept art because she is GORGEOUS

check out Halloween Man if this interests you :)

[chickensarentcheap]

In a Heartbeat- Chapter Five

Fandom: Extraction

PAIRING: TYLER RAKE AND ESME DRUMMOND (ESTABLISHED OFC)

SUMMARY:  Dhaka nearly ended everything before it even began.  In it’s aftermath and with Tyler’s life teetering on the threshold between life and death, Esme is about to realize just how strong she can be.  And that love happens when it happens. There’s no rules. No rhyme or reason. No timeline.  

Warnings: brief mention of sex toys and kinks (butt plugs, dildos, pegging. But not in the way you think lol)

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @youflickedtooharddamnit @secretaryunpaid @munstysmind @themaradwrites @ninjasawakenedmystar @thebejeweledwatercat @alisbackalleybbq @theesirenteller @karimac @kmc1989 @asirensrage @residentdormouse @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciation @occommunity

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48691714/chapters/129441475

My tag list is OPEN. Please just ask to be added if you'd like :D

****

“Okay…” Slipping off his coat, Tyler surveys his surroundings, greeting a waiting and ecstatic Lucy with a vigorous rub of the head. “...now it’s all starting to make sense.”

Esme sets both the wheeled suitcase and duffle bag by the door, then drops her hobo-style handbag on the kitchen table. “What’s making sense?”

“Why none of those pictures from the ‘net showed the inside of this place.”

Shrugging out of her jacket, she removes her beanie and tosses both aside; shaking out her long, dark tresses before placing her hands on her hips and surveying their surroundings. “It’s not THAT bad. It’s quaint. Cozy. Cute.”

“You realize that’s wood panelling on the walls, yeah?”

“Okay, so it kind of reminds me of my grandparents’ basement. Which they haven’t remodelled since the early seventies. But I’ve seen worse. I’ve LIVED in worse.”

“Is this where you tell me about your time in some rat-infested dump in New York City?”

“New York isn’t as horrible as you make it out to be. I would have given up an organ, even a limb, to land something right in the city. A walk-up apartment in an old brownstone. That was always my dream. To have a cute little place like Carrie Bradshaw’s.”

“Who?”

“Carrie Bradshaw. The main character in Sex and the City? Played by Sarah Jessica Parker? She’s married to Matthew Broderick? You know, the guy who was Ferris Bueller?”

“I have no goddamn clue who any of these people are.”

“You’ve never heard of Sex and the City? Have you been living in a cave? Cooking over an open fire? Throwing random women over your shoulder and carrying them back for sexy time?”

Smirking, he removes his beanie. “That’s how I landed you, wasn’t it?”

“You landed me with your pretty blue eyes and your sexy voice and your big dick.”

“You’re nothing if not honest.”

“Carrie is a writer,” Esme continues, holding the back of a kitchen chair to keep it steady as he lowers himself into it. “She writes about relationships and sex and life in the Big Apple. And she’s got her little posse; Miranda, the fiercely independent lawyer, Charlotte the die-hard romantic, longing to find true love, Samantha the big-time slut who loves men just a little too much. She was my favourite, by the way.”

“Makes sense. What’s that saying? Something about birds of a feather flocking together?”

She scowls. “Well, that’s just plain rude.”

“If you ask me, the show sounds like it’s for girls.”

“Plenty of men loved it. Mostly gay men, but…” Retreating to the middle of the living room, she places a hand on her hip, eyes narrowing as she taps the tip of her index against her lips.. “...I see the potential here. It’s not a lost cause. And it’s definitely not hideous. It’s just…”

“It’s ugly, and you know it.”

“Dated. It’s dated.”

“It’s not a person. You can say what you really feel. You can’t hurt its feelings.”

“I thought you, of all people, would love something like this. This is a five-star resort compared to where you were living when I met you.”

“I’ll have you know that I built that place myself. By hand.”

“And I’m extremely proud of you, and I find it very sexy when a man is great with his hands. In all the best possible ways. But babe, you had no interior walls, most of your windows didn’t close properly, and you had chickens as roommates. Believe me, this is a step up.”

“So what you’re saying is that it’s a ‘no’ to chickens in the house. Kinda ruins my plans.”

“As much as I’d rather NOT be constantly picking up their shit, I’ll deal. Only because I know how much you love the mangey little bastards. But they are NOT sleeping in bed with us.”

“What about night’s you’re not here?”

“It’s unlikely we’ll encounter nights like those, but IF it happens? You better make sure you change the damn sheets before I get home. You totally slept with your chickens before you met me, didn’t you. You totally let them in the bed.”

“Once in a while.”

“So which one of you was the little spoon? Or did you alternate every second night?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a really smart mouth?”

“No. But I have been told how extremely talented it is.”

“That I CAN’T argue with. I definitely have no complaints.”

“Even if you did, I wouldn’t listen to them. So…” Tugging playfully on his ears, she lays a hand on the nape of his neck and steps around to the side of the chair. “...what do you think? About this place? I know it isn’t as bougie as you’re used to, but…”

Reaching under the bottom of her shirt, he hooks a finger in one of the belt loops on her jeans and pulls her down onto his left thigh. “It’s tolerable. For now.” Pressing a kiss to her shoulder, his hand moves to her stomach, calloused palm flat against warm, smooth skin. “Until we’re able to get around to doing stuff.”

“Nik says it’s all ours. We can do whatever we want with it. I know it’s not going to be a permanent place for us, but…”

“I mean, it could be. If that’s what you wanted.”

“I just assumed you’d want to go home. That we’d end up in Australia.”

“We can end up wherever you want. I have no ties to ANY place. Just say where you want to go, and that’s where we’ll head.”

“It’s definitely something we’ll have to talk about. I can’t really decide something like THAT all on my own. You need to have a say in it, too. It’s not just me that deserves to be happy.”

“I’m happy as long as you are. Just say where you want to go. We’ll go.”

“As cute and sappy as that is…”

“You did NOT just use the c and the s word to describe me. In the SAME sentence.”

“...we both know it doesn’t work that way. That if you just follow me somewhere with no say, things would not end well. So we’ll talk about it. When we’re ready to make a decision like that. Sound good?”

“Whatever you say.”

“Goddamn, you’re difficult.”

“I thought I was being pretty easy and reasonable. What more do you want from me?”

“We both need to do a lot of work when it comes to being in a relationship.”

“Please don’t suggest therapy. I’ve had enough therapy in the past two months to last me a lifetime.”

“No therapy. I might get you to read some self-help books or listen to some podcasts…”

“Get off me.”

“That’s a request you usually don’t make,” she quips, then laughs and tightens her hold on him when he attempts to push her off his lap. “Baby, you’re so cute. Even when you’re being a grumpy shit.”

He smirks. “Fuck off, Esme.”

“You need a nap.” Placing a kiss on his temple, she affectionately tousles his hair and stands. “Or something to eat. Maybe both. Are you hangry, Tyler James? Are you hangry and sweepy?”

“Yes.”

“I’m just going to take a quick look around and then make us something to eat. And you’ve got meds to take. You’re due.”

“I’m fine.”

“You know what the doctor said. About making sure you keep on schedule. If you don’t do that…”

“The pain will really set in, and it’ll be harder to get rid of it. I was there. I heard him.”

“Then quit being so difficult. You don’t need to be an insufferable asshole twenty-four-seven.”

“Yes, I do. I have a reputation to keep.”

“Believe me, your reputation isn’t going anywhere. Not everyone can survive what you did. I think you cemented your legend status.”

“By the way, how does that make you feel about things?”

She pauses in the doorway of the spare bedroom. “What things?”

“Life, in general. Knowing you’re spending your life fucking a legend.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know, would I? Considering I haven’t fucked him since he got the title.”

With a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, he snatches the discarded beanie from the middle of the table. “You can be a real bitch, you know that?”

“Now THAT I do know.” She laughs as she effortlessly dodges the hat thrown in her direction. “Give me a few minutes, and then I’ll make something to eat. You won’t starve in the meantime.”

“You’re actually going to subject me to your cooking the first day in?”

Scowling, she disappears into the second bedroom. Several seconds passing before just her hand appears in the doorway in order to flip him the middle finger.

His fingers alternate between slipping through Lucy’s short, smooth fur and scratching her favourite spot directly under her chin. Listening as Esme’s feet -clad in thick, mismatched woollen socks move over the weathered and creaking floorboards. Hearing intermittent soft clicking and the sliding of wood against wood as she inspects dresser and nightstand drawers. And when it finally falls silent, he calls out to her. “Anything interesting?”

“Whoever lived here before us were total freaks! I just found a whole load of gigantic dildos in the bedside table! And one of those harnesses a woman wears. You know, when she does her man up the…”

“Esme…”

“I don’t see any lube though. I guess we’re not trying pegging tonight.”

“Don’t even THINK about it.”

“What would you say if I came to bed and had a butt plug in with a raccoon’s tail hanging off it?”

“I’d call you a freak and kick you out onto the couch.”

She gives a disgruntled, dramatic huff, then appears in the doorway. “You’re boring.”

“You certainly weren’t saying that two nights ago when we almost got caught by the night nurse. While you were giving me…”

“Like, no pegging with giant dildos and no raccoon tail butt plugs? I swear, a girl can’t have ANY fun.”

“If that’s your idea of fun, you’ve got the wrong guy.”

“Don’t worry, big boy.” She shoots him a wink as she pads through the small, open-concept living room and kitchen. “There’s nothing to be scared of. I’ll be gentle with you.”

“You even come near me with one of those things…”

“I was joking. I didn’t find a damn thing. Which is incredibly disappointing. I was hoping some eccentric weirdo lived here before and left some wild shit behind.”

“Have you looked around this place? The panelling? Fucking knick-knacks all over the place? A goddamn deer head on the wall? Does any of that scream eccentric weirdo do you?”

“It could have been to throw off visitors. Convince innocent, unsuspecting people that they were completely normal. You know, so they could drug their coffee and tea in order to knock them out and hide them in their sex dungeon!”

“I think it’s safe to say that no one normal lives here NOW. Well, one of us might be considered somewhat sane.”

“Don’t worry. Your secret's safe with me. I won’t tell anyone you’re a psycho.”

She opens the door to the main bathroom and pokes her head inside. Fingernails tapping against the wall as she makes approving noises and comments about the brand new shower, tub, sink, and toilet. Then proceeds to curse and grumble about having to DEFINITELY change the flooring and the colour of the walls.

“I think we both know I’m the only somewhat normal one around here.”

“You keep telling yourself that.” She moves to the master bedroom, mere seconds passing before she gives a loud gasp. “Oh my god….TYLER!”

“Let me guess, you found the sex dungeon.”

“Even better!” She appears in the doorway, eyes sparkling and dancing as she gives an excited squeal and bounces up and down on her heels. “It’s bigger than I expected!”

“Didn’t you say those exact words in Dhaka? The first time I dropped my pants?”

“I was pleasantly surprised. That you exceeded even MY lofty expectations.”

“What did you find? I swear if it’s anything remotely related to me taking something up the ass…”

“Nothing like that! You need to see it! It’s enormous!”

“You don’t have another guy stashed in there, do you?”

“I can barely handle the one I already have. Why would I want the extra stress? Seriously, come and see this.”

“I know what a bedroom looks like.”

“It’s not just the room that’s bigger and better than I thought it would be! It’s the bed! It takes up so much space, and there’s still lots of room to spare. Please just come and take a look? Because I asked so nicely? Pretty please? I know how much you love to make me happy.”

“For someone so tiny, you’re an enormous pain in my ass,” he grumbles, yet shoots her a wink. A hand on the table top as he slowly pushes himself up onto his feet; fighting back a wince as even the most careful of movements bring almost unbearable agony. Too much time spent on his ass during the flight and the long drive from Vienna to the cabin; his knee feeling tight and swollen and in desperate need of relief.

“As soon as we eat, you put your leg up,” Esme informs him, as he joins her in the doorway. “It’s not good to go this long without elevating it. And you WILL take your meds.”

“While I’d normally argue with you and tell you I’m fine…”

“That’s how I know it’s bad. You’re NOT giving me a hard time.”

“I’ll be okay. Just he assures her, and places a hand on the back of her neck, his lips meeting her temple as his fingers massage the stiff, tight muscles. “Just need to rest it.”

For months she’s held onto an enormous amount of stress and tension; those long, trying days and nights spent at his bedside, fighting back against the doctors who had already declared him a lost cause and wanted to just pull the plug. But she’d held on there despite the pressure dumped upon her, digging her heels in even further and refusing to break to their demands. They weren’t using him as a sacrifice to the healthcare system Gods; they’d have to find another way to ‘free up a bed’.

“She’s going to break sooner or later,” Nik had warned him just days before his release. “She’s been shouldering all of this for three quarters of a year. I’ve been around some very tough people, but none as tough as THAT. She can’t keep it up, Tyler. She just can’t. We all break at one point or another. And when her time comes, you’re going to have to be there for her. Because she’ll need you. So you better be sure that you’ll step up.”

One of her tiny hands falls on the small of his back as he sticks his head into the master. “What do you think? It’s huge, right?”

“Definitely bigger than I expected. The room AND the bed.”

She playfully smacks his ass, grinning up at him as she tightly squeezes a cheek through the fabric of his pants. “You know how much I love a large playground.”

“Speaking of playtime, when do I get my surprise?”

“Patience is a virtue, old fella.”

“For who?”

“The virtuous, I guess. Besides, I thought you were hungry. And tired. And sore.”

“I am. I’m all three of those. But…” He hastily removes the sling from his left arm, tearing open the velcro fasteners and tossing the object onto the dresser. Not giving her a chance to respond, he grabs hold of her hips and uses his much larger, heavier frame to propel her backwards into the room.

“We’re really going to give it a go, are we? Right this second?”

“No time like the present. I’ve been wanting to give it a go since we left the hospital. Even BEFORE that. I was going to say something on the plane; about joining the mile-high club, but…”

“Been there, done that.”

He frowns, pausing as he leans in to kiss her, their lips a hair’s width apart.

“You’re not the only one with a past, Tyler Rake.”

“Did he teach you anything good?”

“He taught me a few things.” Her hands slide up the front of his henley shirt, chestnut eyes locked on brilliant blue as she softly drags the nails of her index across his stomach. Beginning their lazy journey at his belt buckle and finally finishing at each of his hips. “Who do you think is responsible for this mouth being so talented?”

“As much as I hate even thinking about you with other guys, I want his name and address. So I can send him a thank you card. And a case of beer. You know, just a small token of gratitude.”

“And seeing as he didn’t give a shit about what I needed to feel good, I figured I’d let you teach me the rest.”

“I’m honoured.”

“You should be. I’ve already let you go where no man has ever dared to go before.”

“Only because you asked me if I would. Can’t believe it only took two days.”

“What can I say…” She catches him off guard by pushing him backwards, pinning him between her body and the dresser as she aggressively yanks open his belt. “...you have that effect on me.”

“I realize I’m still hurting, and I got a long way to go, but don’t think for a second you get to be the boss. It doesn’t work that way.”

“Who are you kidding?” She pops open the button on his pants. “I’m always the boss.”

Smirking, he snatches her by the throat, fingers lightly pressing into the soft, delicate flesh as he pushes her towards the bed. And she gives a gasp of surprise when the back of her knees hit the edge of the mattress, giggling when she loses her balance and topples backwards.

She pushes herself up onto her elbows. a slow grin spreading from ear to ear as she watches him quickly dispose of both knee brace and pants and hastily toss them into the nearest corner. “No underwear, huh? You WERE hopeful.”

“Easy access. For both of us.”

“Even in this weather. I’m surprised your balls didn’t freeze off. That would have been a goddamn Greek tragedy.”

“They’re still a little. If you can warm them up. It’ll keep you quiet for a while.”

“Kinky.” She laughs when he grabs hold of the bottom of her jeans; falling backward when he aggressively pulls her towards him. “You ARE eager.”

“Things are working. You said yourself, it’s been hit or miss. Well, right now it's a hit, so…” He yanks both the denim and her skimpy lace underwear over her hips and ass and down her legs. “...let’s not waste time. Just in case.”

“Aren’t you even going to wait? For me to get your surprise on?”

“Nope.” He shoves her thighs open. “Right now, I don’t care. We’ll do that later.”

“Two times in one day? Someone is feeling awful cocky.”

“It’s my cock that’s feeling something. Don’t worry, you’ll be feeling it soon too.”

She opens her mouth to respond but quickly bites down on the bottom lip as he makes his way up her body; a mixture of calloused palms, the roughness of his beard, and the press of warm, soft lips. Thick fingers -with their various scars and misshapen knuckles- digging into the back of her thighs as he licks, sucks, and nibbles his way along the insides of her legs. And though disappointed when he ignores the most desperate and aching of parts, she still manages a giggle when he pulls her surgical steel navel ring into his mouth and lightly yanks at it with his teeth.

No one has ever worshipped her the way he does. The attention and focus he displays while paying homage to her body; the fire in her very bones and nerves growing in intensity with every swipe of his tongue and suckle of his lips and every caress and group of her hands. Selfless and never selfish, even when his own wants and needs are profound and overwhelming. Forever paying keen attention to the way she responds to him. Learning through every sigh and moan, every flinch and shiver, the differences in tone and pitch when she says his name. And somehow always knowing exactly what she needs.

By the time he reaches her lips, she’s desperate for so much more, nails raking across his shoulders and down his back, hips continuously rising to meet his in an unspoken request. When he finally kisses her, she moans into his mouth, and her hands find his hair; her fingers immediately tunnelling through the longer strands as she responds eagerly and hungrily. But when he pulls away to look down at her, there’s a tenderness in his eyes that she isn’t prepared for. An affection and adoration that softens his features and enables her to truly ‘see’ him for the first time. And suddenly, he seems far removed from the hardened and highly skilled mercenary that she had initially fallen in love with. Instead replaced by a previously broken and haunted man who’s in the midst of the most important transformation of his entire life.

The healing of both body AND mind.

“I love you.”

It brings tears to her eyes. The sincerity in those three simple, yet powerful words.

“More than you’ll ever know.”

The sob escapes her before she has the chance to bite it back, and she quickly finds herself gathered into strong arms and a broad chest. His body is warm and hard against hers, and his hands are steady yet comforting as they lovingly stroke her hair and repeatedly caress her back.

It’s all so foreign and overwhelming. Completely unlike anything she’s ever known or experienced. He’s reliable. Protective. Making her feel safe and secure in ways no one else ever has.

And in that moment, she’s sure of one thing. She’s never been loved like this, either.

*****

He feels sleepy and content as he lounges on the couch; his bad leg -once more sporting the knee brace- stretched out, foot resting on the coffee table. Both body and mind sated by a successful -if not disappointingly short- love making session that ended up more slow and tender than he’d originally anticipated. It had been followed by a hot shower and a surprisingly good meal that Esme had been incredibly proud of; a simple pasta and meat sauce dish paired with salad and garlic toast. Now he alternates between watching football and listening to his girlfriend as she busies herself in the kitchen. Lucy refusing to leave her side; more than pleased with the morsels of food she’d been slipped under the table. And with the seemingly endless amount of ear rubs and hair ruffles and chin scratches that are passed her way.

It’s the most relaxed he’s been in years. The warmth of the fire as snow trickles down outside, the rattling of dishes and silverware, and the way Esme alternates between humming as she works and talking to Lucy in a quiet, motherly way. The fear is starting to fade; the realization setting in that not only this is his life now, but he’s good with it. Not entirely accepting of the fact he’s retired; remaining somewhat concerned about where he goes -professional speaking- from here. But he feels safe and secure in the knowledge that knowing that Esme is under the same roof. Wanting and needing him. Loving him.

“I don’t have anything else, my love,” Esme addresses the dog sprawled out at her feet. “At least none of what you really want. Do you want a cookie? Auntie Nik got them just for you. I bet they’re delicious. Let’s get you a cookie.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees her move across the room, her hair still loose and flowing and nearly reaching the middle of her back. Her tiny frame clad in a pair of simple black leggings and one of the plaid shirts she’d poached from his side of the closet. And he finds himself amused by the way she has to stand on her tiptoes to get the container of dog biscuits off the second shelf in the cupboard.

“Tyler…”

“Yeah?”

“This d…o…g won’t stop eating.”

“Why did you spell that out?”

“Because I don’t want her to know I’m talking about her. It might give her a complex.”

“Your logic is…astounding.”

“Even animals have feelings. I mean, you’re the biggest one of all, and you’ve been all up in your feels lately.”

“Esme?”

She glances towards him.

Without looking away from the television, he holds up his right hand and flips her the middle finger.

“Well, that’s just rude, isn’t it Lucy? Just plain rude.”

“She’s a traitor. That’s your dog now. She’s made that perfectly clear. Hasn’t left your side since before dinner.”

“Well, if we want to get technical, she’s OUR dog now. But I’m sure she still loves you best. Daddy’s still your favourite, isn’t he? You could never love anyone the way you love him. I’ll let you in on a little secret; I feel the exact same way about him.”

He smiles. “You BOTH have horrible taste in men.”

“Excuse you? I’ll have you know that my taste in me is impeccable. Well, at least NOW it is. I didn’t have to kiss too many frogs before I got to my prince, but the ones I DID have to kiss? Ewwww.” Giving Lucy a final pet, she fills the kettle and plugs in it, completing her tidying of the kitchen and then making a coffee for him, a tea for herself. Starting her journey into the living room, she pauses by the front door; spotting the small cardboard box he’d set down earlier. “What’s this?”

He casts a glance in her direction. “Just some stuff from my old place. That Nik and Yaz packed up.”

“That’s all they brought?”

“That and some clothes.”

“Where’s the rest?”

“What rest? You saw my old place. What more was there for them to bring?”

“What’s in it?”

“Just some personal shit. From back in the day. Nothing you need to worry yourself with.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s really none of my business. I shouldn’t have even asked. It’s really none of my business.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Fuck. He really needs to pay more attention to the tone of his voice when speaking to her. He’s always been straight to the point; never dragging things out or sugar coating them. While it had suited him well in both military and mercenary life and had, it had unfortunately been one of the many issues that eventually sunk his marriage. Esme deserves better; she’s sensitive and feels and loves so deeply and profoundly. And, like her need to give and want affection, it’s yet another thing he needs to get used to. “I just meant that it’s nothing serious. I’d tell you if it was.”

She doesn’t pursue it. Either not as hurt at his reaction as he had thought she would be, or just deciding to pick her battles. But she greets him with a smile when she joins him, setting their mugs down on the coffee table and then accepting the hand he offers her and dropping down beside her.

Releasing her hand, he wraps his arm around her, he pulls her tightly against him, his hand resting on her hip as he presses a kiss to her temple. She smells so damn good; that mixture of coconut, honey, and milk that he’d first discovered in Dhaka and had been so enthralled. It’s simple and unassuming; a cheap shampoo that she’d found in a corner store in Prague just hours before Nik had brought her to Australia. And she’d been so taken aback by his genuine compliments about the scent, that she’d decided never to use anything else.

“I’m sorry.”

She reaches for the coffee and hands it to them, then picks up her tea. “For what?”

“I honestly didn’t mean it the way it sounded. When you asked about the box. It’s not it’s not your business. It’s just…” Shrugging, he sips at his drink. “...nothing you’d be interested in. Or at least, I don’t think you’d be.”

“I’m interested in YOU. In your life. Especially the one that came before me. I know it wasn’t a utopia by any stretch of the imagination, and you’ve been through some shit, but if you ever WANT to share, I’m good with it.”

“Same goes for you, yeah? If you ever just want to tell me about things? I don’t want you holding back because you think it’s going to piss me off. Even if hearing about your ex and the shit he did might make me feel homicidal.”

“And he’d deserve it. If you got a hold of him and broke every bone in his body.”

“I wouldn’t just stop there. I wouldn’t be able to. And a lot of places to stash him afterwards. Where no one would ever find him.”

“As much as I appreciate and love you for wanting to avenge me, I also don’t want to bring him into this. Into our life together. I don’t want him tarnishing things. Ruining them.”

“He could never do that.”

“Just some things really are better left in the past. Some of the things he did…” She chews on her bottom lip, choosing her words carefully. “...I just can’t talk about those. And that’s not a personal slight against you. It’s not because I feel like I CAN’T you. It has nothing to do with you.”

“I know. But if you ever DO want to talk about things…”

“Believe, you’d be the first person…the ONLY person…I’d ever go to. I trust Nik and Yaz, but not in the same way I trust you. Does that make sense?”

“It does. I feel the same way about you.”

“You’re my person, Tyler. You’re the one I want to tell things to. Good AND bad. You’re the one I want to share things with. Whether it’s horror stories about my ex or stupid jokes that I’ve gathered up over the years, or things I hear or see when I’m out. I don’t feel that comfortable with anyone else. Not like I do with you.”

“Do you think maybe it has something to do with the fact I’m the one you get naked and do filthy fucking things with?”

“That could play a role,” she laughs, and presses a lingering kiss to his cheek.

They settle into a comfortable, companionable silence, Lucy joining them and lying on the floor in front of the couch; watching the football game as they nurse their drinks, enjoying the warmth from the fire. He realizes that they’re in the midst of the ‘honeymoon phase’; everything seems to flow and co-exist so easily. Able to shut themselves away from the outside world; refusing to allow intrusive thoughts to penetrate the bubble they’ve built around themselves. They’re happy and comfortable; immersed in the ‘getting to know you stage’ outside of the intimate moments. Learning about each other’s likes and dislikes, their respective quirks and habits. It won’t always be this way. The charm will wear off; they’ll become easily annoyed and agitated as they both attempt to get used to sharing not only their space but their life, with another person.

When their mugs are empty, she places them on the coffee table and then stretches out on the couch. On her side with both arms wrapped around his thigh and her head in his lap.

“Is your team playing?”

His hand settles on her hip. “Yeah. The Western Bulldogs. They’re the ones with the red and blue shirts.”

“Are they winning?”

“By a pretty big margin, actually.”

“This doesn’t look like regular football. It’s nothing like the NFL. These guys are out there just killing each other. And as much as enjoy senseless violence from time to time…”

“This is Australian rules. Nothing like what you’re used to. This is the real deal. Not that wimpy crap they play where you’re from.”

“If we’re able to get sports from Australia, we might be able to get some hockey games. That would be nice. We could watch them together.”

“I don’t like hockey.”

“Have you ever seen a hockey game?”

“Once. That was enough.”

“Tell you what…” She rolls over onto her back “...if you’ll watch some hockey games and learn a bit about it, I’ll do the same with you and your football. Deal?”

“I suppose I could agree to that.”

“You’re going to have to teach me the rules, though. I know nothing about football. ANY kind of football.”

“Shouldn’t be hard. You’ve already proven to be a pretty fast learner in other areas. I’m impressed with you.”

“Well, you happen to be an excellent teacher. Although I do have one complaint.”

Tyler frowns.

“Things worked so well, I am aching. I don’t think I’m going to be able to walk properly for a couple of days.”

“Just a couple? I’m insulted.”

“Next time, the number will be higher, I promise.”

“I may have been a little….hasty…when it came to going from start to finish.”

“It lasted longer than I thought it would, to be honest.”

“Excuse you?”

“I didn’t mean that as a cheap shot. And I’m already very familiar with your skills and your staying power. But think of everything you just went through; you were clinically dead nine months ago, AND you just spent three quarters of a year in the hospital. I know we’ve gotten up to other things, but we haven’t actually done THAT. Given the circumstances, you not lasting that long is to be expected.”

“I don’t know if any of your little speech made me feel any better. It’s embarrassing. I’m thirty-five years old and…”

“You’re thirty-six now. You had a birthday in the midst of everything.”

“That’s it, just go and make things worse. Add another year onto my life.”

“Listen…” Reaching up, she takes hold of his chin. “...there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Do you realize how close you were? To being six feet under? You shouldn’t even be here. A weaker man? They would have given up. They wouldn’t have fought their way back. And if one of the setbacks to surviving all that is to not last as long as you usually do, I’d say that’s pretty damn good.”

“I’ve lasted longer than since I was fifteen years old.”

“And you’ll go back lasting longer again. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Did I have a problem with it?”

“Not that I could tell. Or that you’re admitting.”

“I have absolutely zero complaints. Except for the whole not being able to walk or sit properly thing. You need to realize that things aren’t going to be like they were. Not for a while, anyway. You’ve come a long way and there’s an even longer way to go. Can’t you just be proud of yourself? For even getting out of that hospital?”

“I only did it for you. You’re the only reason I fought my way back. Why I busted my ass to get back on my feet. If you hadn’t been around…”

“But I WAS. I was there because I wanted to be. Because I knew you had a lot of fight left in you. And I know you’re tired and frustrated, and you think you should be further ahead, but you’re doing way better than anyone ever expected.”

“You expected it. You didn’t give up.”

“I know how strong you are. And I know you in ways all those other people don’t. Even Nik. I wasn’t abandoning you, Tyler. And I would have fought to the bitter end. Until there was some proof you weren’t going to come out of it. So THIS? This whole not lasting as long as normal? It’s actually a huge accomplishment, considering. Think of it that way.”

“Why are you like this?”

“Like what?”

“How do you always find the silver lining in everything? The glass is always half full to you. How…?”

“Because I know what I’ve survived. Not even my worst days come close to what Mark put me through. So guess I’ve just tried to turn my suffering into something positive. I’ve learned to look at the world in a different way.”

“Personally, I think you’re just some kind of freak.”

Scowling, she flicks the tip of his nose with her thumb and forefinger.

“I love you, though. As weird as you are.”

“Admit it, my weirdness was one of the things you found adorable and appealing.”

“No, actually. It wasn’t. I’ve just learned to accept it and live with it.”

“Well, for what it’s worth? I love YOU. You enormously stubborn pain in my ass.”

“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve it, but…”

“Did I say it was up for debate? Did I say you could question things? No. So just…” She places a hand over his mouth. “...shhhh. Stop asking why and stop doubting what you’re worthy of, and just go with it. Can you do that? Just accept it and go with it?”

“I can try.”

“You better,” she warns and then turns her face towards him, her nose pressing into his stomach and her eyes closing. The events of the morning and afternoon quickly catching up to her: the relief that came with finally leaving the hospital, the long flight that had followed, and the drive to the cabin that represented the last leg of their trip to freedom. And then the sex; that effortless transition from hungry, desperate, and impatient to something much more tender and attentive.

Now she’s finally able to relish in the aftermath. Enjoying the hardness of his body and that warmth that radiates from it, his familiar smell and the beat of his heart deep within. Issuing a long, content sigh when one of those enormous, calloused hands is placed upon her cheek; his fingertips softly stroking her forehead while his thumb makes continuous sweeps across her cheek. And just as she begins to feel herself teetering on the edge of sleep, she feels him move against her; the slight shift of his body and the couch cushions as he reaches for the throw on the back of the couch and proceeds to drape it over her. What follows is such a simple, sweet display of care and adoration. A smile playing on her lips as this man -so big and so strong and capable of inflicting so much harm- ever so tenderly tucks and secures the fabric under and around her.

From that moment, she loses all track of time. The stroking of her cheek eventually ceases; his arm becomes limp, and his hand comes to rest upon her hip as sleep finally claims him. His soft snoring and deep rhythmic breathing joining the rattling of the windows as the wind and the snow continue to rage beyond the cabin’s four walls.

*****

When she wakes, it’s to the crackle of the fire and Lucy’s loud snoring, the cattle dog somehow managing to find enough space on the sofa. Rolling onto her back, she gives a loud yawn and a long, languorous stretch. Rapidly blinking her eyes when she’s greeted by the unexpected glow of the couch side lamp.

She watches Tyler in silence. Still in the same spot as when she’d fallen asleep, his eyes narrowed, and his brow furrowed as he devotes his focus and attention to a game on his cell phone. And it isn’t until she lightly tickles his stomach that he acknowledges her, greeting her with a soft smile as he uses gentle fingertips to clear strands away off her forehead and out of her eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Sleep alright?”

Esme nods. “Guess I was just way too warm and cozy. Did you?”

“It was an okay nap. I kinda freaked out a bit, though. When I woke up. I didn’t even remember coming here. I thought I was still in the hospital. So when I didn’t recognize anything…”

“You spent three-quarters of a year there. I’d be surprised if you didn’t have moments like that. Eventually, they’ll go away. Once you get used to being here.”

“Once I realized that you, were YOU, I was alright. I knew I was in a safe place. That everything was going to be okay.”

It’s so sincere and genuine….so unexpected… that it causes a lump of emotion to sit square in her throat. She’s never known anyone quite like him, the strong, silent type that usually doesn’t have much to say, but makes an enormous impact when he does speak. He hides nothing from her. Open and transparent from the beginning of those five days in Dhaka, not just with words, but with facial expressions and body language. Both of them -despite their painful pasts and respective, albeit different, losses- somehow finding a level of trust in one another that neither had experienced before.

“Are you alright?”

Nodding, he tosses his phone onto the coffee table. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re feeling okay? You’ve had enough to eat? You don’t have too much pain? You…”

“Are you really going to do this as soon as you get up? Start worrying?”

“I can’t help it. I’m a worrier. It’s who I am. You should be used to it by now.”

“There’s nothing for you to worry about. I’m fine. I’d tell you if I wasn’t.”

Her eyes narrow. “Would you?”

“I’ve already promised I would. About a million times already. I’m fine, Esme. I mean, other than the fact my left leg and my ass are completely asleep.”

“You could have gotten up, you know.” She attempts to sit up, laughing when a broad, strong forearm prevents her. “You didn’t have to stay here. You could have moved me.”

“I didn’t have the heart to do it. You looked way too cute, lying there like that. You snore, by the way.”

“I most certainly do not.”

“You do. You snore AND talk in your sleep.”

“Did I say anything interesting?”

“You didn’t incriminate yourself in any crimes if that’s what you mean. You did make a grocery list, though. Toilet paper, milk, ketchup, and cat litter.”

“Bullshit. You’re making that up.”

“I’m telling the truth. Scouts honour.”

“You were NEVER a scout. Who are you kidding?”

“But you did make a grocery list. And those are the things you mentioned. I have no idea where the cat litter comes into play, but…”

“Maybe that was a hint. That we should get a cat.”

“I don’t like cats.”

“How can you not like cats? They’re cute, and they’re furry, and they purr and make biscuits on you. How can you not be into that sort of thing?”

“They smell funny.”

“This coming from a guy that lets chickens freely roam the house. And sleep in the bed!”

“We are NOT getting a cat.”

“Just one?”

“No.”

“Please? You won’t even know it’s here. I’ll do all the feeding and the cleaning up and…”

“I don’t want a cat. I’m not a cat guy. Do I look like one to you?”

“Please, you like pussy more than anyone I know.”

“Not that kind, I don’t.”

“I’ll break you. I’ll wear you down. I will get my cat.”

“Over my dead body.”

“That can be arranged.”

“You’d never go through with. You’d miss me too much.”

“Like a hemorrhoid.” She squeals when he slides a hand between her and the couch and aggressively pinches her ass, then playfully shoves him away and sits up; hands smoothing over her hair and fixing her ponytail. “I have some bad news, by the way.”

“Color me surprised.”

“We have to leave the house sooner than I thought. We need to go into town. Grab a few things.”

“Ketchup, ass tissue, and cat litter?”

“Ice cream. And chocolate. My period is coming soon.”

“I didn’t need to know that.”

“I mean, you wouldn’t wonder why I’m suddenly bitchy and bleeding out of my vagina?”

“You’re always bitchy. And you like things rough. Anything can go wrong when you’re…”

“And firewood. We need firewood. Track down some of the pre-cut, bagged stuff. There’s not enough on the porch to even last even a couple of days. It’s how we heat this place, so…”

“Have you taken a look outside? We are surrounded by trees. Which is where firewood comes from. And I already saw an axe out on the front porch.”

“You have one good arm.”

“Which is more than enough to chop firewood. I mean, it’ll take a lot longer than if I had TWO good arms, but…”

“And you have one good leg. You’re going to hurt yourself. Chop your foot off or something. I could always do it. I know how to use an axe.”

“You can lift an axe?”

“Well, maybe not a normal-size one. But a little one.”

“You mean a hatchet?”

“It’s technically a little axe, right? I mean, it’ll take me a couple of days to make any sort of headway, but…”

“And you worry about me hurting myself? I’m just supposed to be okay with you wielding a hatchet? I mean, if you want to do it that badly, you can just come out and help me. Make sure I don’t fuck things up.”

“Oh, right. And then when I annoy you, you’ll chop me into a million pieces and throw me in the woods!”

“I would never chop you up and throw you in the woods.”

“Aww, you big softy. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself; if I wasn’t around anymore. You’d…”

“I’d chop you up and feed you to the dog.”

At the end of the couch, Lucy briefly raises her head, tilting it from side to side before issuing a heavy sigh and returning to her original position.

“You’re an asshole,” Esme grumbles, laughing when she tries to stand but quickly finds two powerful arms wrapping around her waist and yanking her back down.

“I'll tell you what, because I don’t want you worrying so much, we will go into town and find bagged firewood.”

“Thank you.”

“We’ll get enough to last at least a couple of weeks. But once it runs out, you gotta give me a chance, yeah? To try and do things? Because I’m going to go completely fucking nuts doing nothing but sitting on my ass all day.”

“There’s lots of things for you to do. You can go on walks, you can ice fish, you can learn to knit, like Yaz said.”

“Just let me try. That’s all I’m asking. I’m not going to get any better by not testing the limits. You need to trust me.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that I worry about you. I’ve spent nine months taking care of you. In some way or another. And it makes me really nervous; when I think about all the things that could go wrong.”

“Don’t think about those things, then,”

“Believe me, it’s easier said than done. But I WILL try. To not worry so much.”

“Thank you.”

Slipping out of his embrace, she climbs into his lap, wrapping both arms around his neck and placing her head on his shoulder. And her eyes close as she enjoys both his scent and touch, large hands slipping up the back of her shirt, calloused fingertips repeatedly travelling up and down her spine.

“By the way…” His voice rumbles deep within his chest. “...I’d never do anything horrible to you. Not even remotely.”

Smiling, she presses a kiss to the sensitive spot just below his left ear. “I know.”

“Also, I’m ready for my surprise.”

“Jesus…”

“Listen, you said the ‘p word’. That was the trigger.”

Laughing, she pulls back to look at him, fingertips tracing the scar that curves over the bridge of her nose. “You’re like a horny fifteen-year-old stuck in a grown man’s body.”

“I’ve got a lot to make up for. Nine months. That’s…”

“A long ass time.”

“I don’t know old timer,” she teases, and playfully ruffles his hair. “Think you can keep up with a youngin’ like me.”

“I don’t know.” One hand slips between them to gently cup her breast, and he feels her shiver against him when his thumb brushes over her nipple. “But I can’t try.”

[kozachenko]

Ok finally finished Lotus Eaters today (it surprisingly didn't take me that long to finish) and I wanted to express some of my thoughts on it, so spoilers for the manga below (More specifically chapters 36, 37, and 38).

The art was really good and the page composition and layout from the panels was really interesting. The character writing is also really good, with each of the characters featured actually feeling like they have their own distinct voices. I feel like this aspect of character writing can go under appreciated at times, it's the type of thing that you only notice when it's gone or not there at all.

The more episodic nature of the manga also works well for it, however, one thing that annoyed me a little bit was when we would get the setup for a cool fight between two characters and then it is immediately cut short before it happens. For example, Reimu's confrontation with Yuugi in Chapter 36. The build up to it is perfect, and then is immediately cut short by Miyoi coming out and telling them both to stop. It was kind of a let down for me, and while I understand that it had to be like that for the sake of story, it was a little disappointing.

The individual stories of the arcs in the manga ranged from "ok" to "Great" for me, as some arcs were really well written and had a lot of great character moments in there. My personal favourite arc in the manga had to be the Red Snow arc, where we get a glimpse into the true nature of Tengu society and Megumu as a character. While Aya does exacerbate the truth in her articles, she still cares about her readers and wants to unveil the truth. This trait of hers is shown best during the Red Snow arc, where she writes in her newspaper that while the red snow is a weird occurrence, it still can be a natural phenomenon. While yes, she does dramatize some things, it's all mainly to get the reader hooked, with the actual article contents, she genuinely seems like she wants to bring truth to the human village while also not wanting to cause a panic. She could have easily said, "THERE'S BLOOD IN THE SNOW AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE" but she didn't. Then, after some undercover investigations during the commemorative market at the Hakurei Shrine, Aya decides to actually find out if the tengu were involved in the red snow phenomenon. This is when she overhears Megumu talking to Chimata about how she isn't concerned over whether or not someone discovers her. If the knowledge that the red snow was a natural occurence helped to relieve a bit of the villager's anxieties, the commemorative market at the Hakurei shrine helped to completley get rid of them, to the point where if someone revealed that this was all the work of the Tengu, it would do more harm than good, as Megumu states in these panels:

I also love the idea that Megumu probably knows Aya is listening to their conversation and is saying all of this to discourage her from telling the human villagers a truth.

I think my favourite part in all of this is how the chapter ends. Aya doesn't even show up to say her two cents at Geidontei. Instead, we just have Miyoi reading out the Bunbunmaru newspaper to a customer and unknowingly proving Megumu's point. The people of Gensokyo do have peace of mind, but they're still being lied to. I really love how we don't see Aya on the last two pages of the chapter, because if anything, the newspaper is representative of Aya in this scene. Heck, even the writing style of Aya's newspaper is a lot less enthusiastic and excited than usual. All we needed of Aya's reaction was the defeated slump to the ground and her notebook's pages flapping empty in the wind.

I think what also helps this shot is how imposing Megumu's laughter is. The next time we do see Aya in this manga (chapters 43-44), she's very clearly been mentally effected by this, which is perfect.

Overall, I feel like Lotus Eaters excels when it comes to short stories that show the little intricacies of what life is like in Gensokyo and expanding on the character's it involves. I do wish that we could see some of the other parts of Gensokyo's world through the mangas, and I wish that more of the newer characters could have shown up and been involved more in the manga, though I feel like we are getting that with some characters from Unconnected Marketeers, so hey, we might get to see Touhou 17 and 19 characters soon (although I do think we should get a manga that takes place in Hell, please give us that political drama in Hell Zun, there's so much potential for that). As someone who doesn't usually enjoy slice of life stuff, I think this manga does it really well.

Also, I wanted to read Lotus Eaters because I wanted to see Zun's strengths in his writing before I read Cheating Detective Satori which I heard is.... pretty bad. From an outsider perspective, the manga's writing is like a word problem with multiple parts that someone mess ed up in part a, and then by part e you have a house that's 0.399999 m wide and someone who's height is -0.16789789 cm. Don't know how many people would understand that analogy but I have no other way of explaining my thoughts on it before I read it.

So after this, should I start on CDS and then compare that and Lotus Eaters since they're the two most recent Touhou mangas? Or is there anything else I should read to get a better sense of Zun's strengths and weaknesses in writing and then tackle CDS? Also is it Cheating Detective Satori or Foul Detective Satori, I've heard it referred to with both names so are the two interchangeable or is this a weird mandela effect type of thing?

So yeah, I would recommend reading Lotus Eaters if you haven't already, iz gud

Now enjoy this goofy lookin Mamizou because she (and Aya for that matter) have instantly moved up to some of my top 10 favourite Touhou characters and Mamizou's expressions in this manga are an absolute gold mine.

[tomyo]

Coming back around to my opinions on the animation now that DandaDan's anime is finally beyond what I initially saw.; I can't fully tell what it was that had upset me with the compositing initially because the problem has mostly gone away. It could be they updated the episodes after the theater release, it could be that the saved the budget for later episodes and ep1 being lackluster affected the feeling overall, or it could be I focused on the wrong things.

I definitely think no matter what airing a tv animation in a theater created a bad experience since the audio mixing and line work. I will also say if they had aired episode 4 in theaters, I probably would've felt a lot better after the experience.

The backgrounds got better for me but the character design can still be a little iffy, not as odd as Tallkarun but I still miss the manga's boxier features. Still grateful the fulfilled the potential of Okarun's hairstyle.

If anything, the most substantial aspect is the creativity of the cuts in this episode. When I was in the theater, they showed an interview segment in which the director expressed being a composition otaku and this really really really felt like that was sleeping through here. I feel really conflicted?? I think the first major one is the zoom to the eyes for memory to which I both like and kind of wish was just a normal cut. It's a very clever but I think I always built the tunnel scene in my head as a very slow creepy horror; a little darker shadows and more tension that the zoom can kind of destroy. It especially hits hard because Turbo granny counting and Momo's capture are some of my favourite early panels. I do think Okarun's eye cut works a lot nicer though because the jump to a close up if his eyes isn't as dramatic. The helicopter legs while very saru-esque I think was the best result one could expect from that plot point and I love the details they added in like Okarun grabbing for Momo to brace her and the two taking milliseconds to wordlessly get into piggyback mode again. On the opposite hand I HATE the running through town cut. Having them run throughout the town in some wide still cuts could of added some world building character and by doing the weird cg first person with the shadow people only made me feel more like there were corners cut. To add to it they had that really effective shot of them starting in the foreground before running further off only to be stopped by the crab. Now imagine, several cuts of them running through the street with no issue only to have the crab come in on the third or fourth cut? It's like taking the wrong turn in a maze or someone you thought you got away from shouting Boo! From behind you. But I'm guessing the whole point of it was to save on budget for the all out moment which actually fleshes out that part extremely well and helps build up an exciting finish. The final cut change is catching the train, it's actually a smart cut of them flying away when Momo grabs it but admittedly my feral momokarun brain misses the close up of her holding him.

The final part is how they changed plot points??? For some reason??? Nothing major but I noticed they took out the part where they notice the girl's faces on the back in exchange for a set up shot to Momo's train gambit. It's kinda an FMA situation where you still get to the same point in the end but the choice reframes how you feel about it. As you can guess I kind of prefer the manga version mostly because I think it adds to feeling the same surprise as turbo granny felt from it but in terms of good film direction the later makes more sense. There's a lot of little things like that that are give and take, like the designs I keep harping on. On one hand, I think they made Okarun look like a more competent design but the side effect is he looks too cool for the loser of a guy he's meant to feel like (no hunch, slimmer and less baby faced, fringe creating a more conventionally Shonen protag appearance). I think that's the same thing in general I feel complaint over, that to some extent Science Saru packaged the series into a cooler Shonen appearance when imo the manga at points conveyed a slower more contemplative pace (I think a lot about DDD's face close ups and how they feel out of a 90s romance like To Heart or Kare Kano). Sometimes it can feel like the desire to express DandaDan's quirkiness sadly undercuts the quieter moments. The sayonara scene though held up pretty well despite me wishing for a little more pause and an extra cut of Momo (the cut to black tho, 🤌)

Some final final praises; I like how goofy Snake Granny moved, again big praise to the cute extra bit with Okarun protecting Momo, In general Okarun's voice has been perfect and really captures the spretrum of cool Shonen dude to petulant child having a tantrum, it was exciting to finally hear Momo-chan and the first use even almost sounded like a -tan imo, and the little added scene of being scolded by the police was a thoughtful touch.

[hazelwitch800]

I'm here for the ask gamee!! I wanna make sure how alike we are haha sooo 4, 19, 23, 29, and 39...Is that too many? It's way too many lol, feel free to choose between them

Lin!!! Omg you're an angel, thank you for giving me the opportunity to be so self indulgent! And I want to hear all of your responses to these questions in turn 😏

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Omg wow I found this so hard arrrrgh! I think I find this one hard because there's not a word in particular that I love, but I absolutely WILL go feral over a writer's word choice, especially when it's anything surprising or interesting or creative that just makes me think oh wow, what a great word! I do actually have a list of "good words" on my notes app though lol, so here is a selection of some of those: tranquil, raw, permeate, hollow, scorched, lethargy, deft (there were many others lol what a strange list 😅)

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

I only started properly writing at the beginning of 2022, but I really have been writing here and there all my life. I was a total bookworm as a kid, and was always writing stories. The first job I ever wanted was to be an author 😁 I have loads of old notebooks from my teenage years filled with snippets of prose and poems, but I never really finished anything or wrote anything cohesive. I feel like discovering the Internet was a major road block because it ruined my attention span and I barely read a book for years! Honestly, fanfiction was the intense hyperfixation I needed to get myself into gear - I've never had such a strong urge to create before!

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

Ooh I love this - the environment I write in feels super important to me. Okay, so, sometimes, it's at my desk at home during the working day (sssshhhh!), accompanied by the modern day working from home soundtrack: the ping of Teams messages. Other times, it's on the sofa, snuggled under my electric blanket turned up to the max. And when I can make it work, it's in my favourite place of all - my local library. It has a beautiful reading room panelled in old, dark wood, and there's a huge skylight up above. It's a wonderful, peaceful place to work. Maybe not so great for when I'm writing smut 😁

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

When I first started writing, I honestly felt like inspiration just threw itself at me from the void, lol. Nowadays, it's harder. Honestly, I think a lot of my inspiration comes via logical thinking, just trying to figure out what a certain character might do or say in a given situation and letting that guide me. Ooh, also, the act of writing in itself is SO important for me inspiration-wise - there is SO much that just comes to me as I'm writing. Like it just seems to appear in my mind. Which is annoying as it means outlining or plotting beforehand doesn't really work for me, I have to have a half idea and then see how it plays out on the page!

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

Honestly... Self discipline hahaha. That feels like such a sad thing to admit. But I'm the type of person who likes to see things through to the end. I rarely just WANT to write, but I make the time to and I keep at it. I am actually taking more breaks recently, though, and intend to take a longer break to fully recharge soon :)

[amnarritiveandeditorialblog]

Final Comic Assignment

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the final art piece of the elective, we were told to create a longer form panel comic utilizing mix media and roughly following a prompt list given. Immediately the idea of a prompt list irked me, so I instead tried to stretch the narrative given into something I could more easily work with. My favourite thing about digital art is that I can create stories with my illustrations, and to ensure I was motivated enough to make a piece of work I was of, I knew I would step outside of the box narratively speaking.

This was super easy for me. I have a large backlog of fully fleshed out characters from a world I've been building and designing for over six years now, and since all my school projects tend to involve one of them, I picked an older OC and their dramatic demise. Beta, and her older brother Alex. To tell a long story short, after disappearing and leaving Beta to deal with the consequences and blame, Alex reappears in her apartment only to kill her (at request of the Syndicate he works for, no weak links after all).

I used a series of film like shots as well as a few comic specific framing for drama and emphasis, such as smaller panels for fast action scenes or a longer full body panel. Heres both the sketch and lineart for my thirteen panel comic.

Here you can see the use of split panels, fast tracked panels, long shots (both height and length) as well as a large text box meant to resemble Betas happy and overzealous ramblings at the sight of her brothers reappearance. I really wanted to see just how many comic book tropes I could get into one page to make it look less boring.

My block colours for the comic took a dull and sad approach. This was fully intended, due to both the world Beta inhabits as well as her story taking place right after Americas cold war, and how being a Belrusian immigrant is affecting her mood and hence her surroundings. This is also where I added my mix media element.

The wallpaper and pictures on the walls are imagery off of the internet! Doing this made me feel reminiscent of the show Chowda, which used a similar styling for it's characters.

The blocked colours:

You can also see that here I changed around the layout of my sequence. The solo eye panel switched places with the over the shoulder shot of Beta. This was due to personal preference. At first, the eye (which is Betas) was meant to represent her staring at her brother in shock before stepping back, but after consulting with some of my friends, I decided that it would make the message far clearer to have the eye catching sight of Alex drawing his knife on Beta, hence the change of iris placement.

After colours was rendering. For this, I just used my normal rendering style, while trying to make sure I kept the gritty and dark feeling that encapsulates Beta and her life. This way I would be able to highlight items I saw as important, which mostly speaking, was the blood, to show the horrific gory nature of the crime. The final full render:

I was quite happy with the end results. I hand wrote the text since I felt using a font would look to corporate and take away from my personal style. For the closeup shots I made sure to keep the background simple (the wallpaper texture blurred, with minimal shading). Whereas the establishing shots were a little more detailed.

This was probably the thing I enjoyed most in the course. I love drawing my characters in different ways, with different styles. I can't say I've ever drawn a comic before with them in it, so it was a perfect experience.

[myalchod]

Dearest Charis, I have some things to ask you if you don’t mind!

Who is your #1 character from FTWS, and who do you like the least?

If you could change anything to Fate canon, what would it be?

Have you read or seen anything from the comic? Any thoughts?

Thank you!

Mysterious Hex Anon, is that you? 👀 Either way, questions! I like questions! And if I don't answer them promptly I'll get completely distracted by Things, so welcome to the Braindump Hour. Are you ready for some rambling?

Who is your #1 character from FTWS, and who do you like the least?

Okay, but I clearly can’t say that I like Random Specialist #37 the least, so I have to narrow this down somehow. And I’m still going to tantrum like a small sulky child because I hate decisions like this -- never have I ever been good at picking a singular favourite. But if I absolutely have to pick just one favourite, I think Farah just edges out Saul for the top spot. She’s why I watched the show in the first place. There are so many things about her that land her squarely in my kryptonite zone: emotionally constipated older woman haunted by her own past and unresolved issues and enough guilt to power a small town, doomed by the narrative, aware enough of this fact to hold herself just that bit apart while also not aware enough to realise how this makes that doom a self-fulfilling prophecy? Yeah, I was pretty much set up to wail over her grave from the word ‘go’. Least favourite … oof. That’s a tough one too, because the deeper I get into this show the more fond I find myself of most of the characters? Of the core cast, it’s probably either Dane or Sam, and it’s mostly that I just don’t particularly find myself engaging with either of them. Most of the others I’ve seen enough of to be intrigued by some aspect, but … meh. (Characters you’re supposed to dislike don’t really count for this, I think, so the likes of Callum and Arthur -- in addition to being peripheral -- wouldn’t figure in. And I’m ignoring Bloom’s parents too, because removing a child’s bedroom door is a bridge too far and just no.)

If you could change anything to Fate canon, what would it be?

Okay, but do I have a limit? Because “anything” isn’t “one thing” and oh my god nonny, there are so many things I would change, even if a lot of them are probably more meta (give me more detail, show, I want a thousand pages of backstory and worldbuilding, or reconcile these things that don’t seem to fit together, or give me more focus on the characters I like most). That said, if there’s one thing that I am the saltiest about in the broadest terms possible, it’s how Farah’s death was handled -- both in terms of reaction (or lack thereof) and in terms of the “lol yeah I actually did die, sorry, no coming back from that”, because I am so sick and tired of my blorbos always dying. It’s very unfair.

Have you read or seen anything from the comic? Any thoughts?

There were some panels and information shared in the Winxsource server, but I’ve not read the comic itself, nor do I have any particular inclination to doing so based on that limited knowledge … which probably tells you the general direction of my thoughts on the subject. I’m not impressed based on what I saw; the biggest issue I have with it is that it doesn’t have logical continuity with the show. I can see ways that it could work, even if I dislike the decisions (I do not grok the idea of Farah as Bloom’s biological mother broadly speaking, and have trouble with maternal Farah in the absence of substantial narrative changes). My focus has always been primarily the adults, too, so from what I gather there’s little in the comic that would be interesting to me, especially with that.

Did you read through all of that? If so, I hope it made some form of sense! And you certainly deserve a cookie for that time and effort, so: 🍪 Come back anytime, dearest nonny!

[domi-scu]

Work and a bit of fun

Tuesday was very much a work-heavy day.

I woke up to rain and storm. Actual thunder and lightning storm which is my favourite and I don’t get nearly enough of those in Southampton. So while it meant it wasn’t very hot, I enjoyed every damn minute of it. It also made the day much less annoying as I didn’t have to worry about ‘missing out’ on doing anything fun and could focus on getting through some emails.

I did set up my little office in the garden under a roof and with a steady supply of Armenian coffee, I watched the rain. I even had to grab a jumper how much it cooled down but it made for a nice cosy setup which I am certainly not complaining about. I have to say, I ended up being a lot more productive than I expected. I also tried the hotel meatballs with tomato sauce before leaving for today’s events.

I cannot begin to tell you how much difference a good night of sleep made. I was able to hold a conversation today which I’m sure was appreciated by everyone who spoke to me unlike yesterday when I was just a zombie.

We have learned a bit more about the man who owns the area where today’s (and yesterday’s) events took place. The bit where we are, is a small artsy bit with the most incredible buildings and art. While the other side of the area is apparently where the richest of the richest have their properties. The man who owns it is currently petitioning to officially make it into a separate city just outside of Yerevan. Absolutely insane, but in a good way.

As I’m sitting outside before the start of the first panel, I think I was adopted by a little black dog. He brought his bone really close to me which I thought was adorable. I soon found out the reason though- there were two more dogs walking past and I think he was worried they’d steal his bone, so he used me as a human shield as they walked past. Omg, my heart- can I take him home??

The music management panel was great with some really interesting questions but I could not take my attention away from the interpreter. I’ve never seen one in action and as someone who often has to translate between my family and Alex, it was impressive to see a professional who is actually good at it and doesn’t have to search for the right word every damn sentence. I wish I could do that.

Once again, we moved over to the warehouse/ venue/ bar- first for a DJ set and then for a Georgian artist called Tamada. It was a mix of listening to the music and popping out to talk to people. I had some amazing conversations with women who are doing some really great work around here in music management/ label area about copyright issues. One of them is moderating the panel I’m attending later in the week so I’m now looking forward to it even more. The conversation also made me want to do more for the industry in Slovakia, so I really need to kick it up a notch and figure out how to go about it.

Tamada’s set was so much fun and so busy. Once again, absolutely not the kind of music I usually listen to but I had so much fun. I still had a relatively early night though as tomorrow is a tourist day and that’s a good enough reason to wake up early.

All in all, I went to bed thinking that if PRS send me to these kinds of things at least once a year, they certainly don't need to worry about me quitting.

[noriiii04]

HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE STORYBOARDS - RESEARCH

For further research I looked at the book "The Art of Howl's Moving Castle" and studied the story boards, comparing them to stuff we have looked at previously.

Howl's Moving Castle is a movie created by Hayao Miyazaki, which I have watched numerous times and consider one of the most beautiful animated movies.

All of Hayao Miyazaki, and Ghibli's movies altogether, are packed with beautiful imagery and details, ones you do not see often in animation. The style of these movies is very unique and to get a look at the process of movies you have looked up to since you were 6 is very exciting.

Here are some of the storyboards I looked at in the book. I picked out some of my favourite ones and I really like the opening scene of the movie so I focused on that mostly.

It is amazing how such a detailed and beautiful movie comes from very scribbly sort of storyboards.

Hayao Miyazaki knows exactly on which parts to focus on in storyboards to work fast and efficient. As you can see in the storyboards above, he is working fast and his work is sort of scribbly, but you can still tell what is going on and you can take direction from the images.

Storyboards are usually always very sketchy and quick, as they are just a guideline for the animators later on to follow. The animators will later add all the detail, colour, backgrounds and et cetera when the time is right.

In this sequence, he's worked more carefully to really show the vision he has and to guide the production team.

Miyazaki's movies and concepts are some of the most original and artistic I have ever seen in any movie. And the way he works is really reflective of his visions and easy to follow.

Compared to other storyboards and production work I have looked at, Miyazaki's way of storyboarding is very unique. I have not seen coloured storyboards before in the storyboards I have seen and studied. Not in the way that Miyazaki colours.

His work varies vastly from Lou Romano, or Disney, or The Last Unicorn.

Miyazaki works in a rather interesting way as the size of his storyboards and detail and colour vary in each scene and panel. I took a look at this book, as I wanted to see more industry standard pieces of production work and to support my view of the process of animation.

[ixcaliber]

it's september

1. the moon looks beautiful tonight

A fairly short (a couple of hours long to play through) visual novel about fear of the unknown in a world where the moon catastrophically slipped free of the Earth’s orbit. Rose and Violet are mechanics stranded on a satellite, their precarious lives sustained by the Heart of the Moon, until unexpectedly it stops entirely and they need to keep themselves together and do something about it.

the moon looks beautiful tonight is a really neat experience. I like these characters and their dynamics. I like the aesthetic of the game. I like the ambiguity of its narrative. There’s so much here that’s left up to interpretation, from wider worldbuilding, to even the precise reality of some of the scenes that unfold.

Its the kind of game, in the exact right genre and subject matter that I could easily have wept at this game and declared it my game of the year. Unfortunately for me I can be slow on the uptake sometimes and the ambiguity of one of the biggest moments of the narrative caused me to have to go back and reread to form any kind of understanding. As much as I love the beautiful way in which it tells its story, for me (an idiot) it can be a barrier that pulls me out of the emotional moment and prevents it from having as much of an impact.

Perhaps a second playthrough at some point in the future would really get me to feel that moment, and I believe it does have a ton of emotional weight behind it.

2. Golden Idol Mysteries - The Lemurian Vampire

(see my January 2023 Games of the Month post for my thoughts on The Case of the Golden Idol base game (number 12 on the list) and my May 2023 Games of the Month post for my thoughts on the first DLC The Spider of Lanka (number 5 on the list))

It's good. I love Case of the Golden Idol and this does just as good a job as the main game at giving me some tricky mysteries to unravel with a neat overarching mystery. The last DLC had a bit of a problem with its pacing and struggled to integrate the resolution of the overarching mystery with the events of its third case. This one did not have that problem.

If I were to nitpick a little I might say that the third case required a touch more speculation than usual. With that one there were moments where I only pieced together the exact events that transpired because of the construction of the sentence in the thinking panel.

One thing that this DLC does which is neat, if has multiple moments in time that you can search in the exploration phase. It's neat and allows for another level of puzzle solving that I found to work particularly well in the second case.

Narratively I think the Case of the Golden Idol has done a really good job of supplementing its main narrative with these little DLCs. They've very effectively built a complete timeline for the Golden Idol so thoroughly that it doesn't feel disappointing that this narrative is over. I really really hope we get more games in this style. It has been one of my favourite games to play this year and I would so happily complete more little puzzles in this style.

3. Psuedoregalia

Psuedoregalia is a neat psx style 3d platformer. The direct narrative as communicated to you through the game is pretty minimal. I knew that the protagonist was a cool goat lady called Sybil that the internet loves. I eventually learned that my goal was to rescue a princess. I genuinely learned more about the narrative just reading the steam description during writing this than I ever did in the game.

And I think that sort of suits the game as a throwback to ps1 style games where you're mostly operating on vibes. The vibes of this world are perfect. Lots of people have made a Dark Souls kind of comparison, due to exploring a world that feels vaguely ruined. I don't disagree but for me it was sort of evoking Ico. It has a sort of tranquility that you never really find in a Dark Souls game. And combat is 100% not the focus of this experience.

One thing this game doesn't have that it really feels like it could do with is a map. I'm pretty good at piecing together an environment in my head by exploring but this is a complicated series of environments. A map would be extremely helpful even if just for remembering where the heck I haven't been yet. This game is so open that sometimes it can be difficult to know where to go next.

One time I wandered through a completely black environment I didn't have the upgrade to get yet and ended up down a deep hole on the other side, convinced I was stuck and had to reset to my last save. (In actuality there were places I could have gone, but one way I was convinced I didn't have a necessary upgrade for and the other really really looked like a dead end.)

The platforming is too hard for me honestly. It's designed in such a way that I bet that people who love complicated jumping tech would love this game. The wall kick, even at the end of the game I was still accidentally kicking away from platforms I wanted to jump to. And some of the area design felt really unintuitive about which way I was expected to be going.

So it's not 100% my cup of tea but I did enjoy my time with it and cannot deny the beauty of this empty eerie world.

4. Word Factori

Word Factori is a little factory puzzle game thing. It does the thing that Zachtronics games do of whenever you finish a level you get the histograms showing how you did in various stats as compared to other people who finished the puzzle.

It's okay. In some ways it is a fun little experience. Your only resource is the letter I and there are various structures you can place that affect whatever is input in the same way. Like one rotates whatever is in there, one bends it, one merges two inputs etc. The merger and the bender very specifically will only ever produce a result that is a letter (or sometimes a symbol but not all symbols are craftable). If there isn't a letter that the thing you're doing could reasonably create the process will fail.

So the main appeal of the game becomes working out the processes that exist to make the letters you want. Every level where you get a new letter to try to puzzle out you get to do a little experimentation. And every letter has multiple ways of being made, encouraging you to experiment to fill up your recipies journal.

Unfortunately sometimes it really feels like it comes down to guesswork. One late game level wants you to produce an @ symbol so my first instincts were to make like a lowercase q and try to merge it with a c and a flipped c or merge it with brackets. The thing that it actually wanted me to do felt counterintuitive to me. Ultimately when you make a game like this that relies on bespoke interactions for each letter with each machine, you run the risk of making something where the player just has to intuit the thing you were thinking of and it doesn't always land.

As to the factory aspect of the game. I don't know. I didn't really engage with it too hard. It's very open-ended compared to a Zachtronics game I thing. On most levels you don't have any limitations on the number of buildings you can have, and the fact that you only have one resource that can become anything reduces complexity quite a bit. I never felt a desire to go back and lower my histograms.

There are challenge levels where you are limited in the number of the different buildings you can have, and I liked those mostly. But again it was for the reason that suddenly I have to create a specific letter without using the building that I've always relied on to make it, and thus I have to go back to experimentation and discover a new way of doing this thing.

Overall the concept doesn't quite adhere together the way I think it was intended to, but there is fun to be had with the experimentation, while it lasts.

5. Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon

(for some reason forgie's computer hates to take screenshots in hdr mode. i've manually adjusted the brightness on this one to make it a pretty good approximation of how the game looks, but it might be off a little)

I'm the least qualified person on the planet to have an opinion on this game. I don't know any previous Armored Core lore. I didn't pay any attention to plot events or characters in this game except when Carla was on screen. My brain shut down any time I tried to look at the stats of my robot and I had to recruit Forgie to buy and fit new parts for me. I don't really engage with things about mechs, they all kinda look the same to me. I couldn't even enjoy being constantly referred to as a dog and having a handler because I'm too gay to be owned by a man.

But I did have fun with it in some places though. Once I had a setup I liked I was able to really get into the combat in a sort of 'disengage the brain, just dodge and vibe' way and which was really fun. When it worked it really worked and everyone's very happy for me that I killed Balteus in a single attempt.

However when it didn't work (most notably the furnace and ibis) it really didn't feel like there was anything I could do about it. The lack of any level grind/way to get noticably more powerful just kind of means if you're just not good at a fight if it doesn't click with you even when you do the recommended strategy then fuck you. Fighting against Ibis in particular just felt like an exercise in futility. I could barely scrape through the first phase and then oh cool a whole new phase a whole new health bar god I love it when video games do that.

In conclusion it's okay. It's very for me in just the flow of combat, but absolutely not for me in a myriad of other ways. Also Carla should have called me her dog more often.

6. Beacon Pines

Beacon Pines is a neat little narrative adventure game. It's about a boy called Luka who lives in Beacon Pines, a small town that was once dependant on the fertilizer corporation that operated there and has in recent times floundered. Luka and his friends are about to stumble into a mystery that will unveil the myriad of secrets and lies that Beacon Pines is built upon, and a number of dark family secrets too.

It's also a story about stories. The framing device of the game is that the narrator is reading and writing a book with your decisions and your own investment in the story that you uncover and the characters you come to care about is reflected in her desperate desire to reach a genuine final conclusion to this story.

I was struggling at the very beginning to try to describe the kind of game that it is. I settled on narrative adventure because to me it does have the sort of feel of an old school point and click even if it's not puzzle heavy.

The game's main mechanic is the use of decision points. Critical turning points in the narrative where your choice sends you down a different branch. However what is really interesting about this is that your choices are limited by 'charms' that you have unlocked. Charms are gained sometimes just by progressing through the narrative, sometimes by exploring the environment.

The reason this is so interesting is that it takes a branching path kind of narrative like a Zero Escape or something, and through gating your choices at the key moments it finds a way to construct a strong linear narrative. There's none of the thing you where you need to sit through the same explanation of plot critical information multiple times on multiple branches because by the time you get on branches that are later in the intended narrative than that you will have, by virute of the structure of the game, already had that explanation.

It streamlines the experience, carefully unlocking the more intense branches of the narrative one at a time giving it an incredible sense of pacing for a game like this.

7. Prodeus

Old school shooter that feels very much like a modern version of a classic Doom or whatever. I'm not hugely familiar with that specific collection of games that this is riffing on but this is a good time regardless of that.

It feels good to play. The power of your weapons, the overwhelming wetness of the world soaked in blood. Something that I wasn't expecting is that I felt like it did a really good job of level design. Like I couldn't have told you what most of the places I went through did or were for but they did feel like they existed for some reason. There's even a section where you return through some of the earlier levels but they're changed in a way, and the level design was strong enough that I was able to recognize these areas without it being pointed out to me.

The only thing I'd say against it is that it's kind of overlong for my tastes. I felt like there was a long section in the middle where the game wasn't really introducing new weapons or enemies and just kind of treading water.

8. Moonscars

I love a metroidvania with a soulsy vibe and this is definitely in that vein. It's fairly neat. It's not a huge game in terms of numerous different regions of the map or number of bosses or anything, but I did enjoy my time exploring.

One of the more interesting aspects is that the game addresses your ability to resurrect in universe through the idea of clayborn. Early in the game your character enters a moulding device which then casts essentially clones of herself. The death of any one of them is just the death of another body and not the death of your character herself.

And interestingly the narrative really wants to explore this. Without going into too much detail there are sometimes where you'll be forcibly ejected from control of one of your forms and it will become a doppelganger of you. A hostile version of yourself that seeks to live and replace you as the true version of yourself.

I didn't follow all the intricacies of the narrative, which uses a lot of capital letter terms that I just never really caught the meaning of. But overall I did find it to be interesting the way it combined gameplay and narrative in this way.

Aside from that almost every boss has a secret second health bar which automatically reduces my enjoyment of the game. Overall it's pretty neat but I wouldn't put it high on my list of favourite metroidvanias.

[huginsmemory]

Ok so FURTHER GAY THINGS. not finished the manga yet btw! Just uh got to a pivotal point and was like I need to. Work through some things. Btw, this is NOT spoiler free so don't read if you don't want spoilers for up to the tenth volume.

somewhat of a non-spoiler tldr for below: If you aren't sure about reading the manga and ur like oh but it's gay and sounds cool. Do it. Like the relationship between Vash and Wolfwood is substantially different in the manga because it gets HELLA elaborated on and they end up travelling together for a very long time, and the amount that their relationship changes each other is insane.

Anyways, onwards!

Millie insisting and then actually being pivotal in rescuing Meryl (go lesbians go)

Ok the rest of this is vashwood sorry boyos for those looking for anything other than that. The girls during these chapters were not involved to the same degree. Also don't @ me if ur like hey this isn't really queer examples this is now character discussion.

wolfwoods lopsided smile at Vash existing over the years and constantly, constantly choosing to try to be positive. Is this my favourite panel? Absolutely not idk what ur talking about.

Vash looking at Wolfwood and canonically going 'this man knows me incredibly deeply'. Don't have the manga panel for that oops sorry.

Their relationship literally being this meme. And I'm not joking.

Case in point: Vash trusting Wolfwood with everything, and their bond from knowing that each other has lived a rough life, and can understand each other through that, and also their relation of being not-exactly human (vs how they treat the girls- Vash doesn't ever go out of his way to give Wolfwood the slip. Which... Probs some misogyny there but hey u know what there's much less in here for something made in 1998 then one would expect).

Wolfwoods dilemma of being Vash's literal bodyguard and knowing he's doing it simply so he can drop Vash off to knives but ending up falling in love with him and being generally tortured about it. But in the end it doesn't matter because he chooses to go against his orders and rescue Vash, and it never really matters (literally doesn't, no big 'betrayal moment') and in the end gets killed as a result of choosing to save Vash and disobey orders. Just. Wolfwood constantly choosing to stay with Vash and protect him even tho part of it was orders but really, how much of it wasn't. (Insert homerotic devotion meme, AGAIN). PLUS how exasperated and angry he is with the way Vash treats himself, and how angry he is in the beginning when he realizes that he's begun to care for and respect Vash and really realizes the extent of the suicidal tendencies that Vash has to save people. And then being like, I could end this, I should end this for myself so it isn't messy even though that's not what my orders are. And then not pulling that trigger on Vash because he can't.

the dichotomy of both of them not truly what they look like- Wolfwood looking older then he really is, and Vash looking younger then he really is (and also not an overgrown chicken) and how that both bothers them, but each in different ways. Fucking character foils.

Vash worried about leaving wolfwood behind when he goes to meet knives because he recognizes the moment when Wolfwood freezes up.

When Wolfwoods about to die after rescuing Vash, wondering if he's wrong and if he could ever be forgiven for killing people to try to save the children from the orphanage he is from, only to have Vash save him by going feral angel and tell him that what he did wasn't wrong, pardoning and forgiving him. Which HELLO very much leaning into the concept of a sinner (especially a blasphemous priest, how delightful) being saved and forgiven by an angel who has fallen in love with the sinner, who falls in love with them too. And/or literal Judas/Jesus parallels. The sinner being pardoned and loved even through the betrayal, by the saviour that always knew that the betrayal was going to happen. *Insert poetic cinema meme*

ALSO literally right after, Vash also screams that Wolfwood is his reason for fighting at the very least, even if Knives has at this point merged with literally hundreds of plants and Vash has v little likelihood of surviving. Also, Vash and Knives ideological differences being that Vash believes that they can one day fully be loved by humans as who they truly are (non human)- while Knives believes humans will only use them or fear them and in the end kill them either way. And Wolfwood in the end, even after everything, even after knowing that Vash is not human, that he's able to wipe out cities if he desires, not only constantly stayed by his side through all of it (and thorough Vash not being able to control it!!!) but also still chooses to save him, chose to put his life on line to save Vash because he loves him even despite all that. He literally is the person that Vash was waiting for, since Rem, the person who refutes Knives ideology that humans will only use, fear and destroy them (Milly and Meryl come in later and also likely fufill this same role in the manga, but not to the same degree since Wolfwood was almost constantly with Vash).

Right after this they fall to the earth together, Vash catching and (although we can't see) cradling Wolfwood in his arms to let them land and survive via wings. Just. Hm. Gay. A la howls moving castle style almost. Now that I mention it that would be a fucking hilarious au. Also when Vash like. 'Resurrects' from Legato's lil prison that he was being kept in was drawn so fruitily, not gonna lie.

Wolfwood in the end adopting Vash's ideology and confesses to Vash that he hates killing people, and refuses to kill others then Chapel--and also reluctantly Livio--at the end because of Vash. And Wolfwood as a result of choosing to not kill is told that Vash corrupted him from being perfect by Chapel... Very similar to some types of narrative about queer people...

Wolfwood standing back up to defend Vash and his ideology while half dead, 'he has never forsaken anything' and Vash showing up uninvited (against literally doing something to stop his brother from continuing to wreck havoc) to save Wolfwood (again, but this time... Well) by going angel, thus both refuting Wolfwoods own self guilt and disbelief that he is worthy of love and help, and fulfilling and displaying the exact love that Wolfwood was defending earlier, which he admires and idolizes in Vash.

Fighting perfectly in sync. Gay as hell to fight perfectly in sync. how can you do that flawlessly? By so deeply and intimately knowing each other that you can automatically calculate their thought processes and movements?

'In the end, all I wanted to do was share my tomorrows with you'.

'please dont say anything foolish' (what, like, I love you?)

Vash literally burning up more of his life after in grief and anger against Knives

God uh. That's all I've got folks. Actually I lied. There's so much rattling around in my brain. The amounts of parallels is indescribable. I still need to actually finish the god damn manga. Might do third iteration after finishing, who knows when.

Anyways here's basically a tldr of all that:

Fucking dying the manga is so much gayer then the anime like broooo what and I'm only like. Half way through. Like:

Wolfwood compliments Vash on his smile almost immediately after the first page of meeting him. Not necessarily gay but also...

Meryl and Millie canonically go on extended holidays together (and you're not 100% sure Millie still works in the insurance company at that point so they just. Decide to go for vacations together regularly potentially or at least decide to sync up when they go for holidays to take them together. They're married u can't dissuade me

Wolfwood literally searches for Vash two years after the moon incident, and is the one that pulls him back out from hiding--and recognizes him via Vash literally stripping naked. Wolfwood being like it's him. It's Vash. I'd recognize that ass anywhere. Tbh it's more like I'd recognize that self-sacrificing ideology anywhere (but also that ass).

Wolfwood and Vash eat a single big plate of spaghetti together like the lady and the tramp. Instead of kissing they fight over a wiener that escapes the spaghetti, like children.

They spend so much more time in the manga hanging out just the two of them together and end up being really close, and bicker like married folk (which they do in the anime but still)

Wolfwood canonically goes out of his way to put Tabasco sauce on the wounds of a man who tried to kill Vash. Also sounds really insulted when the dude tries to kill Vash, and calls him his 'pal' defensively.

Wolfwood rescues Vash from a prison cell by riding his bike through the wall and into his cell in a super showy way and Vash complains about it being super showy (Complaining is both of their love languages). Anyhow who u trying to impress lover boy?