#you can read in some of them that there's a reconciliation

[jlf23tumble]

Jen have you got any thoughts/headcannons about what was Louis’ “major fuck up” that he’s alluded to in multiple songs? Like Walls, All Along, Too Young, Always You, etc.

I...uh. What. I have so many of 'em, how could you NOT if you've read the lyrics to any, I mean, ALL of those songs??? it's not mysterious, not even a little bit lmao, jesus CHRIST, the pain, ouchhhhh

[sforzesco]

The Art of Dreams: Reflections and Representations

The Tomb of Caterina della Ratta and the Iconography of the Reclining Reader in Renaissance Sepulcharl Art, Yonni Ascher

Ancestor Masks and Aristocratic Power in Roman Culture, Harriet I Flower

okay so just. play connect the dots with me for a second. Girolamo Basso della Rovere is Giuliano della Rovere's (Pope Julius II) cousin. Ascanio Sforza was a long time rival, and later ex-enemy of Giiuliano's. this kind of familial mirroring in the tombs, the way that Ascanio is being subsumed into a matching visual with someone of della Rovere's family is. interesting. because it goes well beyond the expected patron-client relationship between the pope and his cardinals. like, these were companion monuments.

there's also a kind of tragic romantic violence to it, given Ascanio's persistent loyalty to his family and Milan, and Ludovico's plans to have Ascanio's body brought back to Milan in the event of his death and interred in the same chapel as Beatrice d'Este.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also if only the physical copy of how to disappear completely & never be found i first encountered & read a few years ago (sort of [roughly avg age ten] reader book, not any similarly titled How To) hadn't disappeared completely & not been found since, probably b/c i put it somewhere i intended to be For Safekeeping, which is also how my binder vanished....b/c it's one of those like. those book for late elementary/middle school readers when they just weave in this unrealism which makes for a delightful range & unpredicability? and with a cynical protagonist girl like off to the races like wow her mom is depressed asf & smoking? and it's about A Family History Secrets Mystery so blatantly a haunting that the inciting incident is basically introducing a haunted [family history secrets mystery] house. and spoilers don't matter like it's stemming from there being this missing uncle who grew up so in contrast to the Winsome Winning Sibling Who Does It All Right while seeing his own affiliation with rats that he tried to disappear completely & never be found which led to this Tragedy which led to this more unintended disappearance of his & he haunts this house & wants to be left alone & only goes out at night with this [ambiguous Is That A Giant Rat Or Weird Small Dog (protagonist affected by these family situations who expresses her preoccupation with an awareness of how fate can Strike and Get you with this interest with roving packs of killer chihuahuas. people think she's weird though she spontaneously befriends this other girl struck with this bolt from the blue & a bit weird / outcast & then Insightful who i wish was in it more)] & plays into the hauntedness danger like playing into the [something's Wrong with you then] until having to take yet more action where the urge to express the truth comes out more both b/c living that hidden is more threatened but also b/c now the niece children are more threatened as well. ft. a sort of preternatural blurring of time b/c of only being communicated with through this uncle via his comic pages (that he paints?) of dubiously accurate translations of irl events that are created so quickly it seems to verge on foresight, imagine like "hmm what's this painting. it's me standing in this room looking at this painting??? as someone ominous lurks in the shadows right behind me?" in both [now how could you know this & paint it really fast ahead of time] and [horror]

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Anxious Attachment Style

Common Anxious Thoughts, Emotions, and Reactions

THOUGHTS

Mind reading: "That’s it, I know s/he’s leaving me."

All-or-nothing thinking: "I’ve ruined everything, there’s nothing I can do to mend the situation."

"I’ll never find anyone else."

"I knew this was too good to last."

"I have to talk to or see him/her right now."

"S/he can’t treat me this way! I’ll show him/her!"

"S/he is so amazing, why would s/he want to be with me anyway?"

"I knew something would go wrong; nothing ever works out right for me."

"S/he’d better come crawling back to beg my forgiveness, otherwise s/he can forget about me forever."

"Maybe if I look drop-dead gorgeous or act seductive, things will work out."

Remembering all the good things your partner ever did and said after calming down from a fight.

Recalling only the bad things your partner has ever done when you’re fighting.

EMOTIONS

Sad ⚜ Angry ⚜ Fearful ⚜ Resentful ⚜ Frustrated

Hopeless ⚜ Despairing ⚜ Jealous ⚜ Hostile ⚜ Vengeful

Guilty ⚜ Self-loathing ⚜ Restless ⚜ Uneasy ⚜ Humiliated

Hate-filled ⚜ Uncertain ⚜ Agitated ⚜ Rejected ⚜ Depressed

Unloved ⚜ Lonely ⚜ Misunderstood ⚜ Unappreciated

ACTIONS

Act out. ⚜ Attempt to reestablish contact at any cost.

Pick a fight. ⚜ Threaten to leave.

Wait for them to make the first reconciliation move.

Act hostile—roll eyes, look disdainful.

Try to make him/her feel jealous.

Act busy or unapproachable. ⚜ Act manipulatively.

Withdraw—stop talking to their partner or turn away from him/her physically.

Attachment classifications come from watching babies’ behavior.

Below is a short description of how anxious attachment style is defined in children. Some of their responses can also be detected in adults who share the same attachment style.

This baby becomes extremely distressed when mommy leaves the room.

When her mother returns, she reacts ambivalently—she is happy to see her but angry at the same time.

She takes longer to calm down, and even when she does, it is only temporary.

A few seconds later, she’ll angrily push mommy away, wriggle down, and burst into tears again.

Where Do Attachments Styles Come From?

Initially it was assumed that adult attachment styles were primarily a product of your upbringing.

Thus, it was hypothesized that your current attachment style is determined by the way in which you were cared for as a baby:

If your parents were sensitive, available, and responsive, you should have a secure attachment style; if they were inconsistently responsive, you should develop an anxious attachment style; and if they were distant, rigid, and unresponsive, you should develop an avoidant attachment style.

Today, however, we know that attachment styles in adulthood are influenced by a variety of factors, one of which is the way our parents cared for us, but other factors also come into play, including our genes and life experiences.

Source ⚜ More: On Attachment ⚜ Writing Notes & References Writing Resources PDFs ⚜ Avoidant ⚜ Secure ⚜ Disorganized

[lilianne-tarot]

Pick-A-Card: If They Could Speak to you, This Is What They’d Say…‎✧˚₊‧

I know many of you are carrying unanswered questions from someone who disappeared, whether they ghosted, blocked, or drifted away. Just because they’re silent doesn’t mean they don’t feel something. This reading will reveal what they feel now, what they wish they could say, and the truth behind their silence. If you’ve been searching for closure, this might be exactly what your heart needs. This is a timeless reading.

How to Pick Your Pile: Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and look at the images above. Which one pulls you in the most? Trust your gut! Once you choose the image, The number below your chosen image is your pile. If more than one catches your eye, that just means there’s extra tea for you, go ahead and read both!

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My Masterlist🫶🏻

જ⁀➴PILE I

Cards pulled: 10 of wands, the chariot, knight of pentacles, 9 of wands, 5 of cups.

Omg, lovely, I can already feel the weight of this situation. Your person is literally carrying the weight of regret on their back. I wouldn’t be surprised if they go about their day pretending everything is fine, but the moment they’re alone? Boom. The reality of what happened between you two slams them like a truck. This disconnection is heavy for them. There’s guilt, sadness, and this exhausting feeling of, “Did I seriously let this go? Did I mess this up beyond repair?” They’re haunted by what went down, but instead of dealing with it, they’re burying themselves in responsibilities, work, distractions, ANYTHING to avoid facing their own emotions.

And can we talk about the 9 of Wands real quick? Because this is telling me that even though they feel all this, they are STUBBORN AF about actually doing something about it. Like, they’re standing behind this emotional wall, peeking out every now and then like, “Should I reach out? Should I say something?” And then immediately retreating like, “Nah, can’t risk getting hurt again.” It’s this push-and-pull energy where they miss you like hell but are too scared to face what reconnecting would mean. It’s frustrating because I can FEEL their emotions bubbling under the surface, but their pride, fear, or past pain is making them act like they don’t care. They care. A LOT.

Are They Still Thinking About You? Oh, 1000%. This person might be hyper-fixating on work, hobbies, or even other people as a way to convince themselves they’re “over it,” but the gag is… they are NOT. This was a lesson in emotional growth, resilience, and learning to let go of what isn’t serving you. This wasn’t just a random breakup or separation, this was divinely orchestrated to push you BOTH into a new phase of life. Whether that’s healing, self-worth, or realizing that love isn’t meant to be this exhausting, this situation was meant to wake you up. The universe was like, “Okay, I’m gonna rip this band-aid off because y’all clearly aren’t doing it yourselves.” For them, this disconnection was supposed to teach them how to actually process emotions instead of avoiding them. For you? This was a test in knowing your own worth and not waiting around for someone to figure out theirs. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve already outgrown this situation in some ways. Like, you’re looking back and realizing that this person’s emotional immaturity, avoidance, or inability to take action was something you deserved better than.

Because right now, you’re The Chariot. You’re the one being pushed forward by the universe, stepping into your power, and realizing that you don’t have to keep carrying the emotional weight for someone who won’t even acknowledge theirs. I feel like if there’s a reconciliation, it’ll be one of those moments where they show up out of nowhere, suddenly ready to talk, but you’re already at peace with how things played out.

At the end of the day, bestie, the choice is yours. Do you want to wait and see if they finally grow up emotionally? Or do you want to fully step into your Chariot era and say, “If they wanted to, they would.” Whatever you choose, just know you are NOT the one who lost here. they are. The universe didn’t remove this person from your life to punish you, it did it because you deserve someone who isn’t emotionally constipated. Whether this person ever steps up or not, you’re already on the path to something bigger and better. Don’t let their slowness keep you stuck when you’re meant to soar. Period. 

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જ⁀➴PILE II

Cards pulled: 2 of cups, empress, 4 of cups, 3 of wands, 8 of wands

Let’s start with the 2 of Cups + 4 of Cups because, this is a whole messy situationship in their heart. On one hand, they KNOW what you two had was special. Like, deep down, this person still feels so connected to you, there’s love, attraction, and this magnetic pull they can’t explain. BUT, instead of embracing it, they’re in a situation which is like, “Ugh, I don’t know what to do with these feelings, so I’ll just pretend I don’t have them.” Make it make sense. This person is giving emotional avoidance at its finest. They’re sitting there thinking about you CONSTANTLY, yet they’re also refusing to act on it. Why? Pride? Fear? Stubbornness? Check, check, and check. This person is SO in their feelings, but they’d rather stare at their phone in silent suffering than send that “I miss you” text.

If you ever doubted your impact on this person, let me tell you right now—you are THE standard. The Empress energy is giving “no one else compares”, and trust me, they feel that. You weren’t just another person in their life; you were a whole universe, comfort, love, beauty, growth. They looked up to you, even if they never said it. And now? Now they’re sitting in that misery like, “Wait… did I actually fumble them? Did I just ruin the best thing I ever had?” And babe, the answer? Yes. Yes, they did. Instead of owning their feelings and reaching out like a normal person, they’re watching from the sidelines probably lurking your social media, let’s be real. It’s like they’re waiting for you to make the move, but at the same time, their ego is screaming, “No, don’t do it! Stay mysterious and suffer in silence!” The duality is strong.

Do they still think about you? LOL. the cards said said, “Let me be so serious right now.” YES, bestie, they think about you ALL THE TIME.

The 3 of Wands tells me they’re waiting, but for what?? A sign? Divine intervention? A carrier pigeon with your message? SERIOUSLY, this person has a very princess energy ( i mean it sarcastically🫠)  It’s like they’re standing at the edge of a cliff, looking out into the distance, wondering if you’ll come back, BUT THEY WON’T MAKE THE MOVE. They’re definitely thinking about reaching out, but they’re terrified of rejection, of things not going how they want, of you realizing you deserve better (which you do, btw). This person is itching to talk to you. Like, the urge to break the silence is REAL, but their fear of vulnerability is holding them hostage. They want that fast, passionate, “let’s fix this” conversation, but at the same time, they don’t know how to start it. So instead, they overthink, procrastinate,

For you, this was about realizing your worth, stepping into your Empress energy and knowing that you don’t have to chase love or beg for emotional availability. You’re learning that if someone isn’t showing up fully and completely, they aren’t worth your energy. For them? This was a harsh lesson in what happens when you take something beautiful for granted. They had the 2 of Cups connection in their hands, and instead of nurturing it, they let their own fears, ego, and hesitation sabotage it. Now, they’re left staring at their phone, wondering why it feels like something’s missing. (Spoiler: It’s you.)

It depends on them. The 8 of Wands is the biggest clue here, IF they find the courage to reach out, this could move FAST. Like, once the dam breaks, expect texts, calls, maybe even some dramatic love confession energy. BUT, and this is a huge but, are they actually ready to show up for you the way you deserve? Because if they come back with the same inconsistent, emotionally avoidant energy, then babe… NEXT. 

The universe didn’t make you go through this pain just for you to settle for half-assed love. If they step up, if they come back genuinely ready to make this work, then cool. But if they’re just coming back because they’re lonely and miss your warmth? You already know the answer.

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જ⁀➴PILE III .

Cards pulled: temperance, queen of swords, 3 of swords, death, lovers

Omg, buckle up, bestie, because this reading is major. Three out of five cards are Major Arcana? Yeah, this isn’t some casual, “Oh, we drifted apart” situation. And I’m already getting chills.

First off, yes, this person still thinks about you. Like, a lot. But here’s the twist: their thoughts are a mix of regret, self-defense, and straight-up emotional exhaustion. I’m seeing someone who’s torn between wanting to reach out and knowing that doing so might just reopen wounds they aren’t ready to face. This is giving heavy "I messed up but I don’t know how to fix it" energy, mixed with a sprinkle of "but also, am I even ready to?" vibes.

Let’s talk about the situation here, because ouch. This was not a simple falling-out. This was heartbreak in its purest form. Whether it was betrayal, a painful truth, or just the gut-wrenching realization that you two couldn’t continue as you were, this was an ending that HURT. The kind that still lingers, even if you try to act like it doesn’t. And the thing is? This connection had to break apart. The universe literally forced this transformation on both of you. Death isn’t just about loss, it’s about endings that lead to major rebirth. Whether you wanted to or not, this separation changed you both. This person sees you as someone who’s balanced, mature, and, dare I say it, lowkey intimidating. Like, you’re in your healed era (or at least you seem like you are), and they don’t even know how to approach you anymore. There’s a sense of, “Would they even give me the time of day?” but also, “I know I need to be on my best behavior if I even think about coming back.” It’s like they know they can’t play the same games or bring the same energy they did before.

And The Lovers? Whew. This is deep. On a soul level, this connection was REAL. Like, cosmic contract, past-life, meant-to-be-a-lesson kind of real. Whether that means “meant to be together” or “meant to change each other’s lives” is another question, but the bond? Unbreakable. Even in separation, you two are still energetically linked.

So, what’s the truth they’re not saying? I’m getting that they regret something big, possibly a choice they made, something they said, or maybe just how they handled the situation as a whole. But their pride (or fear) is stopping them from admitting it. There’s also a level of stubbornness here. Like, they don’t want to come back unless they’re sure they’ll be received well. They don’t want to be vulnerable unless they know it’s safe. Why did this happen from a higher perspective? Because, bestie, you needed to step into your power. The Queen of Swords isn’t here by accident. This situation forced you to set boundaries, demand better, and step into your own clarity. You’re wiser now, sharper, and honestly? You won’t tolerate the same nonsense anymore. The universe was like, “Let me remove this person so you can actually step into the next version of yourself.” And whether they realize it or not, they were also meant to learn something from you. They may not have grown as much as you (yet), but your impact on them? Unforgettable.

So… reconciliation? Here’s the thing: It’s possible, but it wouldn’t be the same. If they were to come back, they’d have to be a whole new version of themselves, and honestly? You might not even want them anymore once you fully step into your power. This isn’t about waiting around for them, it’s about knowing that you’re on a completely new path, and if they can’t meet you at your level? That’s their loss.

Final advice? Trust this transformation. Even if it hurts, even if you miss them, know that this ending was a divine redirection towards something so much better. Whether that means a renewed version of this relationship or a completely new chapter, either way, you’re leveling up, and that’s the real takeaway here.

Sending you all the love, bestie. And remember, you’re THAT person. Don’t let anyone make you forget it. ✨

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Thank you so much for reading all the way through! I hope my reading resonated with you and that you had a lovely time going through it. If you enjoyed it, please like and reblog, it really means a lot! Let me know which pile you chose; I absolutely love hearing your thoughts and feedback on my readings! If my reading resonated you, you may consider buying my paid reading as it would really help me out financially♡

Note: tarot cards provide guidance and possible insights into what could happen based on current energies, thoughts, and actions. the cards can highlight potential paths or outcomes, but they do not fixedly predict the future. this is a general reading so take what resonates!

[potofsoup]

Yay in celebration for finally finishing my fic (Independent Variable, if you wanna read), I decided to draw some post-reconciliation Batfam + Roombie funtimes! [previous Roombie art here]

Some more random Roombie headcanons:

Tim never adds anything that elevates Roombie above standard roomba height, so Roo and Tim are both Team Height-challenged. It's great.

Roombie (Tim usually calls him Roo, though Jason starts calling them Roombit, Roombers, Roomberton the First, etc) goes by whatever pronouns people want to assign them, as long as it's not "it".

Yes, Tim has programmed Roo to recognize Jason's voice commands, since Jason hangs out at the apartment so much. He only sometimes regrets it. (Especially when he has to add more voice recognition files every time Jason invents a new nickname)

Roo doesn't usually leave Tim's apartment. They're kind of like Tim's friend, but also Tim's butler, lol. The Batfam get to know Roo when they come to visit. (And they visit often)

Yes Tim totally uploads some cat-engagement features to Roombie so that he can play with Alfred

Tim's place probably has a lot of Roombie-specific markings and rfid tags and stuff, so that Roo knows where to go

Babs loves visiting Tim's place because it's soooo wheelchair friendly (because it's also roomba-friendly!) I can imagine her getting her own roomba tbh, though maybe with cooler Babs upgrades.

Roo totally has a "shovel" attachment for when they have to really sort Tim's clothes and floor clutter.

Roo has lots of different beeps and chirp sounds, but only Tim understands all of them, since he's the one who programmed them. He refuses to add any voice features to Roo, because he wants to maintain the R2D2 vibes.

He did add "Exterminate!" in Dalek voice, for the convention, so if you're a legit intruder, please imagine a roomba charging aggressively at you with a taser, chirping angrily and also sporadically saying "Exterminate!!!"

[svt-luna]

𝜗℘ TALKING TO THE MOON

❛ 𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘮𝘺 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮, 𝘪 𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧— 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘯𝘢 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘮 𝘪 𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯? ❜

timeline: 2018

synopsis: After months of avoidance and awkward interactions, two hearts finally break their barriers, sharing confessions under the moonlight and finding the closure they both desperately needed.

warnings: angst, cursing, crying, arguments, mentions of anxiety, yelling, “i hate you!” (lies), closure, confessions, reconciliation, some heart-wrenching shit, simp!Jeonghan, scared!Luna, heart-to-heart talks, explanations, Yoon Jeonghan will be on his knees… begging, heartfelt, hopeful, somewhat a happy and silly ending, ends with fluff

due to popular demand of more angst here is more of the rejection aftermath. this story takes place after If Only & Can I Be Him? and takes place before His English Love Affair. so i highly recommend reading everything in order to understand. every single one-shot in my blog is arranged in chronological order in the writings masterlist which is linked below👇 happy reading, my loves 🤍🩵

╰ ౨ৎ LUNA-VERSE MASTERLIST ╰ ౨ৎ writings masterlist

Jeonghan is an island.

Not in the literal sense, but in the way he exists.

To him, being an island means standing steady amidst the tide, a constant presence when the waves threaten to overwhelm those around him.

Jeonghan has always seen himself that way— a safe haven for his loved ones, a place they could come to with their burdens and leave feeling just a little lighter.

He takes pride in this role, knowing that if someone he cares about feels lost, they can always find their way back to him. And when they’re ready to leave, to set sail again, he’ll let them go with a quiet smile, no questions asked. He exists as a constant— a refuge, a quiet place to rest before facing the storm again.

Jeonghan has always been that for the people he loves, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. When the members of SEVENTEEN come to him, seeking advice, a listening ear, or simply someone to sit with in silence, Jeonghan is there.

He listens patiently, his eyes fixed on theirs with a quiet intensity that tells them he is fully present. He doesn’t rush to fill the silence with platitudes or fix their problems for them. Instead, he allows them to speak, unraveling their worries, frustrations, and fears as he holds space for them.

More often than not, the members leave those moments with him feeling lighter. They walk away with the weight of their worries softened, bolstered by his quiet reassurances or the practical wisdom he dispenses so naturally.

In their world of relentless schedules and pressure, Jeonghan is their counselor, their confidant, their steady shore.

But no one seeks him out more than Luna.

For as long as Jeonghan could remember, Luna had always gravitated toward him in times of need.

Out of thirteen members, she could have turned to anyone. Each of them was capable in their own way— each a pillar of strength, kindness, and understanding. And yet, time and time again, Luna came to Jeonghan.

It wasn’t because he was the most understanding or the most overtly comforting. It wasn’t because he had all the answers. It was simply because Jeonghan knew how to listen.

He listened in a way that made you feel seen.

Truly seen.

Luna would come to him during her moments of doubt, her voice cracking under the weight of frustration or pain. Sometimes, she would rant about the pressures of their industry, her words tumbling out in rapid succession as she paced the room with clenched fists. Other times, she would sit quietly, her eyes filled with unshed tears, as she shared her fears, her insecurities, and the thoughts that kept her awake at night.

And Jeonghan— he would just listen.

He never judged. Never interrupted. He let her speak until her voice grew hoarse or until she could no longer hold back her tears.

On some occasions, Luna didn’t want advice; she just needed someone to bear witness to her pain, and Jeonghan respected that.

When she didn’t need solutions, he didn’t offer any. He simply sat there, unwavering, his presence a balm to her raw emotions.

On other occasions, Luna would fall apart completely, her sobs breaking through the walls she worked so hard to build. And Jeonghan would be there, his arms wrapping around her as she cried into his chest, clinging to him like he was the only thing keeping her grounded. He’d rest his chin on her head, murmuring soft reassurances or nothing at all, letting her release everything she had bottled up inside. He would hold her until her tears subsided and her breathing evened out, and even then, he wouldn’t let go until she was ready.

Sometimes, when the tears had stopped, Luna would stay in his embrace, her head resting on his shoulder as she whispered, “Thank you.”

Those moments would stick with him long after she left, her gratitude settling in his chest like a warm, lingering weight.

Jeonghan never failed her.

Not once.

Whenever Luna needed him— whether it was for advice, for a hug, or simply for a quiet moment of understanding— he was there, always.

And for him, that was enough. To be her constant, her refuge, her island.

It was a privilege Jeonghan remembered to never take for granted.

He also remembered how Luna had been the first person to offer herself to be his island when he needed it most.

It was years ago, back when they were merely trainees, their dreams raw and fragile, and their bodies pushed to the brink of exhaustion day after day. He was seventeen then, and she was just sixteen, both of them barely holding it together under the immense weight of expectations.

Yet somehow, amidst the chaos of it all, they had found each other.

It was late at night, the kind of late where the world was quiet, and even Seoul seemed to pause and take a breath.

The two of them sat by the Han River, tucked away in a secluded corner where no one would find them. The air was cool but not biting, a gentle breeze carrying the scent of water and earth. The river stretched out before them, dark and glimmering under the moonlight, its surface rippling faintly with the movement of the current. Above them, the sky was a deep navy, scattered with stars that peeked through the haze of city lights.

It was peaceful, the kind of peace that allowed them to simply exist without pretense.

Jeonghan had leaned back on his elbows, his legs stretched out in front of him, watching the water shimmer. Luna sat cross-legged beside him, her chin resting on her knees, her face illuminated by the soft silver glow of the moon. She looked so serene, as if the weight she carried every day had been momentarily lifted, and Jeonghan couldn’t help but feel a small sense of pride that maybe, just maybe, he had helped with that.

They had been talking for hours, their conversation meandering between dreams and struggles, fears and hopes. Luna had shared her frustrations— the grueling hours of practice, the aching muscles that never seemed to heal, the pressure to prove herself in a room full of talent. She had spoken about her fear of failure, of being left behind, and Jeonghan had listened quietly, nodding when appropriate, offering a few words of comfort when needed.

And then, when she had finally fallen silent, Jeonghan had spoken softly, his voice carrying the kind of weight that came from someone who understood exactly what she was going through.

“Nana-ya,” he said, his gaze still fixed on the river, “if it ever gets too much… you can come to me, you know? Just like this.”

She turned her head to look at him, her eyes wide and curious.

“I mean it,” he continued, his voice firm but gentle. “If you’re ever feeling overwhelmed, if you just need a break… I’ll be your island. A place to rest.”

Luna blinked at him, her expression softening as his words sank in. “An island?” she repeated, a small, amused smile tugging at her lips.

“Yeah,” Jeonghan replied, sitting up now and turning to face her. “An island. Somewhere you can come to when you need to escape. No judgment, no pressure. You can tell me all your worries or you can just… rest. And when you’re ready, you can leave and come back whenever you want.”

Luna looked at him for a long moment, her eyes searching his face as if she were trying to memorize every detail. Then, she tilted her head slightly, her smile widening.

“But what about you?”

Jeonghan frowned, confused. “What about me?”

Luna’s gaze didn’t waver. “Who’s going to be your island, Hannie?”

The question caught him off guard.

No one had ever asked him that before.

Jeonghan stared at her, his lips parting slightly as he struggled to find an answer. But before he could say anything, Luna leaned closer, her voice soft but certain.

“I can be your island, Hannie.”

Jeonghan froze, his heart skipping a beat as he stared at her.

Luna was looking at him with such earnestness, her smile so warm and genuine that it made his chest ache. The moonlight framed her face, highlighting the delicate curve of her jaw, the faint blush on her cheeks, and the gentle sparkle in her eyes. She looked like a dream, so achingly beautiful that it took everything in him not to reach out and brush a strand of hair from her face. The moonlight softened her features, illuminating her skin with a silver glow, and he found himself thinking that she had never looked more beautiful than she did in this moment of quiet contemplation.

In that moment, seventeen-year-old Jeonghan knew.

He had known since the first time he saw her that he had a crush on her— how could he not? Every trainee did.

But now, as she sat there offering herself to him in a way no one else ever had, he realized it was so much more than a crush. It was something deeper, something that made his heart feel too big for his chest and his thoughts spiral in directions he couldn’t control.

And yet, he shook his head mentally, pushing the thought away before it could consume him. Instead, he let a teasing smile curl on his lips.

“Island, huh?” he said, his tone light and playful. “You’re going to have to come up with a new term, Nana-ya. Island is mine. I’m trademarking it.”

Luna rolled her eyes, her laugh soft but genuine. “Alright, fine,” she replied, her voice tinged with amusement. “I’ll think of something else.”

They chuckled together, the sound mingling with the gentle lapping of the water against the riverbank. Slowly, their laughter faded, leaving behind a comfortable silence that felt as natural as breathing.

Luna tilted her head back, her gaze fixed on the moon hanging high above them, its pale light casting a soft glow over the world.

Jeonghan, however, didn’t look at the moon.

He couldn’t.

Because the moon was sitting right next to him.

Jeonghan let the comfortable silence stretch between them.

The sound of the river’s quiet ripples filled the air, mingling with the distant hum of the city. For a moment, neither of them spoke.

“Han?”

Her voice broke the silence, soft but deliberate.

Jeonghan hummed in acknowledgment, his head tilting slightly toward her.

“You know what I’m named after, right?” she asked, finally turning to face him.

Jeonghan nodded without hesitation, his lips curving into a faint smile. “The moon.”

Luna’s grin widened as she nodded in return, impressed by his certainty. Of course, he remembered— she had told him once, during one of their late-night conversations in the practice room, how her mother had chosen her name because of her fascination with the moon.

“My mom is weirdly obsessed with the moon,” Luna chuckled, turning back to gaze at it. Her voice was light, but there was a warmth to it, a fondness that Jeonghan could hear clearly.

Jeonghan stayed quiet, watching her from behind. He didn’t interrupt; he knew she was building toward something.

“She used to tell me that when she was younger, she’d talk to the moon about her worries and her problems.

“Talk to it?” Jeonghan asked, his tone laced with curiosity but devoid of judgment.

“Not out loud,” Luna explained, gesturing with her hands as if trying to clarify. “More like… mentally, you know? Just looking up at it and mentally speaking to it. Does that make sense?”

Jeonghan’s lips twitched upward, his gaze never leaving her animated expression as she spoke. “It does,” he said simply, his voice carrying a hint of admiration. “Her heart speaks to it.”

Luna paused, her hands falling to her lap as she turned to look at him. Her wide eyes shimmered with surprise, as if she hadn’t expected him to understand so easily.

Most people laughed or dismissed the story as strange, but not Jeonghan.

Never Jeonghan. He always understood.

“Yes,” she said softly, her voice almost a whisper. She smiled, small and appreciative, and for a moment, she felt her heart skip a beat. Then, as if shaking herself out of her thoughts, she laughed lightly. “Anyway, sometimes I like to do that too. Just stare at the moon and… mentally talk to it. It’s comforting. So maybe you can do that too.”

Jeonghan tilted his head slightly, his gaze unwavering as he watched her. “Talk to the moon?” he mused, his tone teasing but thoughtful.

“Yeah,” Luna nodded, her smile growing.

They fell into silence again, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Jeonghan continued to admire her in quiet fascination, while Luna seemed lost in her own world, her gaze fixed on the moon above.

Then she giggled, her laughter light and airy, breaking the stillness. “There are even stories and myths about the man in the moon,” she said with a smirk, turning to face him.

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. “The man in the moon? You mean the little boy fishing?”

Luna blinked at him, her brow furrowing in confusion.

It took her a moment before realization dawned, and she burst out laughing. “That’s the ‘DreamWorks’ intro! Not that!”

Jeonghan smirked at her, his expression playful. “No? You and your mom aren’t talking to a little boy fishing in the moon?”

Luna scrunched her nose at him, pretending to pout as she glared. But her mock annoyance quickly melted into giggles. “No, silly,” she said, rolling her eyes as she shifted closer, lying down beside him. She rested her head against his outstretched arm, her body relaxing into his warmth.

She pointed toward the moon, her finger tracing invisible patterns in the sky. “They call it ‘the man in the moon’ because sometimes, if you look closely, it looks like it has a face. See?”

Jeonghan followed the direction of her finger, his eyes narrowing slightly as he focused on the craters. “Hmm,” he said after a moment. “It does.”

“See?” Luna said again, her voice tinged with pride. She turned to him with a triumphant smile. “So instead of an island, you can talk to the moon.”

Jeonghan’s eyes softened as they met hers, a small smile playing on his lips. “I already do talk to my moon.”

Luna’s brows furrowed, her head tilting in confusion. “Your moon?” she echoed. “You do? What do you tell it?”

“You tell me,” Jeonghan said, his voice lowering ever so slightly. He finally looked down at her, their faces inches apart, his gaze steady and unwavering. “You’re the only moon I talk to.”

Luna’s breath hitched. Her cheeks flushed a deep red as his words settled in, her heart thudding against her ribcage. But she didn’t say anything, her lips curving into a soft smile instead.

That moment of silence carried a weight to it, one filled with unspoken understanding.

And from then on, Jeonghan’s favorite nickname for her was born.

His moon.

His pretty moon.

From the moment under the moonlight at Han River, Jeonghan and Luna had unknowingly started a tradition— one that became their sanctuary amidst the chaos of their lives.

It began innocently, born from that night when a seventeen-year-old Jeonghan and a sixteen-year-old Luna shared their hearts under the stars.

Whenever the weight of their training bore down on them, they’d find themselves wandering back to that secluded spot by the Han River. It became their unspoken agreement: no matter how tired, how frustrated, or how uncertain they felt about their futures, they’d sit side by side and talk.

They’d talk about everything and nothing.

The worries that festered in their minds, the dreams that seemed just out of reach, the frustrations of not being good enough in their own eyes. Sometimes they’d rant, voices loud and passionate, the river carrying their words away like an invisible confidant. Other times, they’d fall into contemplative silences, punctuated only by the sounds of water lapping at the shore or the rustling of trees in the night breeze.

Even after debuting and becoming idols, Jeonghan and Luna fought to keep this tradition alive.

Their once-frequent visits to Han River dwindled as schedules filled with practices, performances, and public appearances.

But they found ways to adapt.

Instead of sitting by the river, they’d sit on the floor of one of their apartments, cups of tea— or sometimes wine— cradled in their hands as they leaned against the sofa, talking until the early hours of the morning.

When their schedules took them abroad, hotel rooms became their new haven. No matter where they were, Jeonghan and Luna made time for each other when they needed it most.

But everything changed almost a year ago.

Jeonghan hadn’t realized how much he’d come to rely on those late-night talks until they were gone. He hadn’t understood how much Luna’s quiet wisdom and steady presence meant to him until he lost it.

The last time they had one of their late-night conversations was a night that Jeonghan replayed in his mind more often than he cared to admit.

It had started like all the others— a quiet moment after a long day, a bottle of wine between them, and an unspoken understanding that they were each other’s safe space. But that night had taken an unexpected turn when Luna, cheeks flushed and words slightly slurred, had confessed her feelings for him.

“You make me feel things,” she had said, her voice barely above a whisper but heavy with emotion. “And I hate it.”

Jeonghan had been stunned, caught completely off guard. For a moment, he didn’t know what to say. But the sincerity in her eyes, the vulnerability in her expression, made him painfully aware of the weight of his next words.

He had declined her feelings a few days after— not out of malice, but because he was scared, it was risky. Also because he wasn’t sure he could be what she deserved at that moment. Before he had the opportunity to tell her as much, Luna brushed it off and dashed out the elevator, his heart aching at the way her face fell.

Since then, everything between them had changed.

The awkwardness was subtle at first, but it grew with time. Their once-effortless conversations became stilted, filled with polite exchanges that lacked their usual warmth. When they were alone, the silences between them were no longer comfortable but heavy with unspoken words.

Even in group settings, Jeonghan felt the shift. Luna would exchange a few words with him here and there, but she gravitated toward Mingyu more and more.

It hadn’t taken Jeonghan long to notice the way Mingyu had become Luna’s confidant. He saw how Mingyu stayed by her side, offering her the support that Jeonghan no longer could. And while a part of him was relieved that she had someone to lean on, another part of him couldn’t ignore the pang of jealousy that crept into his chest whenever he saw them together.

So, Jeonghan gave her the space she seemed to want. He told himself it was for the best, that she deserved to heal in her own way and in her own time. He respected her boundaries, even though it meant losing the one person who had always been his island… his moon.

Now, as he sat alone in his apartment, the memories of those late-night talks played in his mind like scenes from a movie. He could still hear the sound of her laughter, see the way her eyes lit up when she spoke about something she was passionate about.

He could still feel the comfort of her presence, the way she always knew what to say to ease his mind.

And Jeonghan missed her.

He missed his moon.

Jeonghan sat on his couch, the glow from the city lights spilling through the window casting faint patterns across his living room. His mind churned endlessly, cycling through the same thoughts that had been haunting him for months now.

No matter how much he tried to shake them off, they persisted. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and sighed deeply, raking a hand through his hair.

His gaze drifted to the moonlit sky outside, and without realizing it, his mind wandered back to that first late-night talk at the Han River with Luna.

It was so many years ago, yet the memory was so vivid it felt like it had happened yesterday. He remembered the way the moonlight reflected on the water, how their quiet voices had melded with the soft sound of the current. He could almost hear her voice again, playful yet serious, telling him to talk to the moon when he’s struggling.

Jeonghan leaned back against the couch, a bitter smile tugging at his lips. If he was honest, he’d never taken her advice— not because he thought it was foolish, but because he never needed to.

Why talk to the moon when he’d always had her?

Whenever he was drowning in worries or self-doubt, Luna had been his island. His anchor. His moon. The one person who understood him without him having to explain.

But now, with a gulf between them that felt impossible to cross, her advice suddenly didn’t seem so silly.

So for the past few months Jeonghan has been looking up at the moon, watching it as he mentally cried his heart out.

Tonight was no different. But tonight something was pulling him to talk to the moon somewhere else.

With that, Jeonghan stood up. He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair and reached for his car keys on the counter. His decision felt impulsive but right, like this was exactly what he needed to do.

Han River, the sanctuary they had shared so many times. But this time, he’d be going alone.

As he stepped into the hallway, the familiar sound of a door closing echoed from just beside his own. He froze, the keys in his hand jangling softly, and turned his head toward the apartment next to his. His breath hitched as Luna emerged, bundled in an oversized jacket, her own car keys clutched in her hand. She was locking her door, her movements deliberate yet distracted.

When Luna finally looked up, her gaze met his, and they both froze.

For a moment, neither of them said a word. It was as if time had slowed, the hallway shrinking to just the two of them.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other earlier that day— they’d been side by side for a team photoshoot, exchanging polite but distant words.

Yet, this moment felt different.

Charged.

Jeonghan’s first thought was that the universe must have grown tired of watching them avoid each other.

As cliché as it was— there was no other explanation.

This had to be fate’s way of giving them a nudge— a forceful push, really.

Luna blinked, breaking the spell, but her surprise was evident. Jeonghan noticed the way her fingers tightened briefly on her keys, her lips parting as though she wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.

Instead, they just stared at each other, a strange understanding passing between them.

Because in that instant, they both knew.

They didn’t need to ask where the other was going. They already knew the answer.

Han River.

Luna was the first to glance away, her cheeks faintly pink under the hallway’s dim lighting. She shifted her weight awkwardly, clutching her keys tighter as if that would ground her.

Jeonghan, however, stayed rooted, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts. After a beat of silence, he extended his hand toward her.

“Come on,” he said softly, his voice low but steady.

Luna’s eyes flicked to his hand, then back to his face, searching for something in his expression. His gaze was calm, open, almost expectant. After a pause that felt much longer than it really was, she reached out and slid her hand into his. Her fingers were cold against his warmth, and something unspoken passed between them as Jeonghan gently guided her toward the elevator.

The ride down was quiet. Not awkward, but not entirely comfortable either. It was a silence that carried acceptance— an understanding that neither of them could put into words just yet.

The elevator’s soft hum filled the space as they stood side by side, their hands still loosely linked. Jeonghan glanced at their joined hands briefly before looking ahead, lost in thought.

It was ironic, he thought, how the last time they were in this elevator alone, everything had changed.

Almost a year ago, Luna had laid her heart bare, only for him to gently decline.

That night had been a turning point, one that neither of them could ignore, no matter how much they tried to move on. And now, here they were again, in the same space but under entirely different circumstances.

Jeonghan didn’t miss the symmetry of it, nor the weight of what tonight could mean.

For both of them, this was the night to finally talk. To lay everything out in the open. It was either the start of mending what had been broken or the final thread that would unravel everything completely.

Jeonghan silently hoped— prayed— it would be the former.

He didn’t look at Luna, but he could feel her presence beside him, her quiet breathing grounding him.

And though neither of them spoke, he knew she was thinking the same thing.

Soon Jeonghan was driving them to Han River.

The car ride was steeped in silence, the kind that carried its own weight yet wasn’t entirely unbearable. Jeonghan kept his hands on the steering wheel, his eyes focused on the road ahead, while Luna sat in the passenger seat, her head resting lightly against the window.

The hum of the engine filled the space, accompanied by the soft tunes of the radio playing in the background. The music— a blend of mellow piano and soft vocals— felt like a balm, easing the tension between them, though neither of them acknowledged it.

The thirty-minute drive stretched on, both of them lost in their thoughts.

Jeonghan occasionally glanced at Luna from the corner of his eye, noting how her fingers fidgeted with the hem of her sweater. He wanted to say something, anything, to break the silence, but every time he opened his mouth, the words seemed to falter before they could form. So instead, he let the music fill the gaps, hoping it was enough to make the quiet less suffocating.

When they finally arrived at the Han River, Jeonghan pulled into their usual spot. It was secluded, a little pocket of peace away from the bustling city— a place that had become theirs over the years. He turned off the car and stepped out, the crisp night air biting at his skin.

Without a word, he walked to the passenger side and opened her door. Luna blinked up at him, momentarily startled, but she accepted his silent gesture, stepping out into the cool night.

From then on it was like clockwork.

Jeonghan made his way to the trunk, where he pulled out a blanket. It was old and slightly worn but soft, and it had lived in his car for years —just for nights like this. Draping it over one arm, he turned back to Luna, intertwining his fingers with hers without hesitation. Her hand felt cold in his, but she didn’t pull away. Gently, he guided her down the familiar path to their secluded spot by the riverbank.

Once they reached the spot, Jeonghan spread the blanket out on the grass, smoothing it down with deliberate care.

They both sat down, the sound of the river lapping softly against the shore filling the space between them. Overhead, the sky was clear, stars scattered like tiny diamonds, and the moon hung low and luminous, casting its glow over the water.

For a while, neither of them spoke. They just sat there, side by side, watching the river and the sky in a silence that felt heavier than the one in the car.

Finally, Jeonghan broke it.

“It’s been a while since we’ve been here together,” he said, his voice low but carrying over the stillness of the night. He glanced sideways at her. “You still come here often?”

Luna turned to him, slightly taken aback by his casual tone. She studied his profile for a moment before answering. “Not as much lately,” she admitted, her voice softer now. “It hasn’t felt… the same.”

Jeonghan nodded in understanding, his gaze fixed on the river. “Yeah. I know.” He paused, a faint smile tugging at his lips as a memory surfaced. He chuckled lightly, the sound breaking through the somber air. “Remember the last time? You were mad at me because I forgot your coffee order, and you swore you’d never trust me with your drinks again.”

Luna raised an eyebrow, her lips twitching into the faintest of smiles. That smile sent a jolt straight to Jeonghan’s heart. She hadn’t smiled at him like that in so long. And he had made it happen. He had.

“You brought me iced coffee in the middle of winter, Han,” she replied dryly, her tone tinged with amusement. “You’re lucky I didn’t throw it at you.”

Jeonghan chuckled, his smile widening as he looked at her. “Right. And then you made me drink it as punishment.”

“I did,” she said with a small nod, her gaze drifting back to the moon.

A brief silence fell over them again, but this one felt different. It wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, but it carried the weight of all the things left unsaid.

Jeonghan shifted slightly, the grass crunching softly beneath him, and his tone grew quieter when he spoke again.

“I didn’t think you’d agree to come with me,” he admitted, his eyes trained on her face now.

Luna sighed softly, her shoulders rising and falling. “I almost didn’t.”

Her words made his chest tighten, but he turned to face her fully. “I’ve missed this,” he said, his voice earnest. “I’ve missed you. I missed us… Jiyeon-ah, I—”

“Please,” Luna interrupted with a soft sigh, shaking her head. “You don’t have to apologize.”

Jeonghan frowned slightly, his brows drawing together. “No, you’re right,” he said after a moment, his tone steady. “I don’t have to apologize… I need to apologize.”

He met her gaze, his eyes searching hers. “I’m sorry. For everything. For hurting you. For that night… for lying that night.”

Luna looked away before he could continue, her voice low as she said, “Are you sorry because you hurt me, or is it because you don’t feel the same about me?” Her voice softened even further, though her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she continued. “Han, I forgave you already that night in the elevator. I was hurt, yes, but I understood. I just needed space. I never blamed you for not liking—”

“Ya… Bae Jiyeon, stop. Just stop.” Jeonghan’s voice was firm now, his tone cutting her off sharply. He turned to her fully, his eyes blazing with frustration and something else—something deeper. “First of all, stop saying I don’t like you. That’s not true. Not even in the slightest. And stop it with the calm, good girl act you force yourself to be. I know you more than anyone. I need you to be angry. Be angry at me. Yell at me. Fuck, slap me in the face for hurting you and making you cry! Don’t pretend you’re okay, because I know damn well you’re not!”

Luna’s head snapped up, her eyes locking with his for more than a few seconds, truly and deeply looking at him for the first time since they had caught each other outside their apartments earlier. Her eyes were red, tears welling up and threatening to spill over.

Jeonghan read her like an open book, every emotion she had tried so desperately to hide laid bare before him. And he knew— he knew— that she was lying to herself, trying to shove everything under the rug and pretend it didn’t matter.

But it did.

And it was hurting her.

Jeonghan’s heart clenched as he watched her, knowing this moment was long overdue.

Luna had been bottling up her pain for far too long.

She needed to let it out— now.

Luna’s hands trembled as she clenched them into fists at her sides, her entire body taut with the emotions she had suppressed for so long. For a brief moment, Jeonghan thought she might hold it in again, that she’d swallow the words she desperately needed to say and give him the same composed facade she always wore.

But then, her lips parted, and the dam broke.

“You want me mad?” Luna’s voice came out sharp, her tone cutting through the stillness like a blade. “You want me to scream and cry? You want me to tell you the truth? Fine!” Her voice rose, trembling slightly as her emotions began spilling out. “What do you want me to say, huh, Jeonghan? Do you want me to tell you how you’ve had me wrapped around your stupid finger since the fucking beginning?”

Jeonghan’s breath caught, but he stayed silent, letting her continue.

“Do you want me to tell you how the second you introduced yourself to me, I knew— I knew— that I needed you in my life? How every single night, I beat myself up trying to forget about my feelings for you because I couldn’t risk it? I couldn’t risk our friendship, the group, our careers, the guys’ careers! Do you want me to tell you how my heart hurts— no, how it shatters— every time you get linked with someone else, rumored with women you barely even know? And do you know what’s worse? I have no right to feel that way! None! Yet… fuck! I still do!”

Her voice cracked, but she pushed forward, her words gaining momentum as tears began to glisten in her eyes.

“Do you want to know how I cried to my mom on the phone, begging her to help me like I was a child because my heart wouldn’t stop pounding after you kissed me on the cheek for the first time when we were trainees? A stupid, innocent kiss! It was nothing to you, but it meant everything to me!”

Jeonghan’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest, guilt twisting like a knife as her voice started to tremble.

“Do you want me to tell you how much you make me feel? How much I love the way you make me feel so special, so loved, so pretty? And how much I hate it? How much I hate how I love it, because it’s you! It you, Yoon Jeonghan! It’s you who makes me feel like that, and it’s you who made me feel like I was nothing that night!”

Her voice broke, and the tears finally spilled over, streaming down her cheeks. She wiped at them furiously, but it was no use— they just kept coming.

“I cried myself to sleep on the floor of my apartment after you rejected me,” she admitted, her voice now raw and unsteady, her breath hitching between words. “The floor, Jeonghan. I couldn’t even make it to my bed because I thought I’d suffocate under the weight of it all.”

Jeonghan’s throat tightened, his hands curling into fists in his lap as he fought the urge to reach out to her, to stop the flood of her pain even though he knew she needed this.

“And do you want to know the worst part?” Luna’s voice dropped to a whisper, trembling with the weight of her confession. She lifted her gaze to meet his, her eyes glistening with tears that reflected the moonlight.

“I hate how much I love you.” Her voice broke completely, and she sobbed openly now, the sound raw and anguished. “I hate it, Jeonghan. I hate how much I love you, and I hate how much it hurts to love you.”

Jeonghan couldn’t stay silent any longer. “Jiyeon—”

“No!” she cut him off, her voice rising again despite her tears. “You wanted this, right? You told me to let it out, so here it is! Here’s the truth, Yoon Jeonghan! I love you, and I hate you for making me love you this much! So much that it physically hurts me! Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you—”

Before she could finish, Jeonghan surged forward, wrapping his arms around her trembling frame and pulling her tightly into his chest.

Luna struggled against him, her fists pounding weakly against his chest as she sobbed, her frustration spilling over in the form of muffled cries and anger. “Let go of me! Let me go, Jeonghan!” she cried, her voice muffled against his shirt. “I don’t want— just let me—”

“No,” Jeonghan said firmly, his voice low but steady. He held her tighter, refusing to let her go no matter how much she fought him. “I’m not letting you go, Bae Jiyeon. Not now. Not ever.”

Luna’s struggles slowed, her fists unclenching as she slumped against him, her sobs shaking her entire body. “I hate you. I hate how much I love you,” she whispered brokenly, her words muffled against his chest.

Jeonghan squeezed his eyes shut, his chin resting lightly atop her head as he struggled to keep his composure. His own voice trembled when he spoke, filled with the weight of everything he’d been holding back. “I’m sorry, my moon. I’m so sorry.”

Luna’s cries quieted into broken hiccups as her face remained buried in Jeonghan’s chest, her tears soaking into his shirt as the weight of her pain finally found its release. Her fists, now slack against his shirt, clutched weakly at the fabric as her shoulders trembled. She mumbled against him, her voice muffled yet still laden with hurt.

“You made me feel like I was stupid for even trying,” she whispered, her words cracking under the weight of her emotions. Her chest heaved as she struggled to steady her breath, but her next words came out shakier, weaker. “Like I was crazy for thinking… for hoping…”

A sharp hiccup cut her off, and she dissolved into tears again. Jeonghan’s hand instinctively cradled the back of her head, his fingers threading through her hair in an attempt to soothe her. He sighed deeply, the sound heavy with guilt and sorrow, before murmuring gently, “I know. I know, angel. And I hate myself for it.”

His voice wavered, but he kept his tone steady for her. “I was scared. I didn’t know what to do with how I felt—”

Before he could finish, Luna abruptly pushed herself out of his grip, her hands pressing against his chest until she could create enough distance between them. Her eyes met his, wide and glistening with tears, her cheeks flushed from crying. The vulnerability in her gaze was quickly overtaken by anger, sharp and raw.

“How you felt?” she snapped, her voice rising. “Han, this wasn’t just about you. It’s about me too—about us. Do you even know what it’s like to pour your heart out to someone you’ve loved for years only to have them look at you like it’s all a mistake?”

Her words hit Jeonghan like a slap, and he instinctively shook his head, the motion frantic as if it could erase the idea entirely. “No,” he said quickly, his voice firm yet pleading. “No, Jiyeon. You were never a mistake. I need you to believe that. Please.”

Luna’s lips quivered, her glare unwavering despite the fresh wave of tears brimming in her eyes.

Jeonghan took a deep breath, his own voice trembling as he continued. “I was an idiot. I am an idiot,” he admitted, his shoulders sagging as the truth spilled out of him like a confession. “I… I was scared because you mean so much to me. I told myself it would ruin everything if we tried and failed. I kept convincing myself it was better this way, safer, for both of us. I told myself all these excuses why it wouldn’t work— why I shouldn’t feel the way I feel. But they were just that… excuses. I was a coward, okay? I let my fear control me. And because of that, I hurt you. I hurt us.”

His voice cracked on the last word, and he looked at her with desperate, searching eyes, as if silently begging her to understand.

Luna stared at him for a long moment, her expression etched with a mixture of disbelief and pain. Finally, she shook her head, her voice barely above a whisper. “Do you think it didn’t terrify me too?”

Jeonghan froze, his breath hitching as she spoke, her voice growing stronger with each word.

“But I still chose to try. Yes I was drunk when i confessed but I never denied it afterwards. I could’ve acted like I didn’t remember what I said but I didn’t,” she continued, her voice breaking again as tears spilled over her lashes. “Because… because loving you felt worth the risk.”

Jeonghan felt his heart shatter at her words, the weight of her pain crashing down on him like a tidal wave. Without thinking, he cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing against her wet cheeks as he tried to catch the tears that kept falling.

“You’re braver than me,” he said softly, his voice full of admiration and regret. “You always have been.”

Luna shook her head furiously, her chest heaving with shallow, uneven breaths. Her hands came up to grip his wrists as if to push him away, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. “I don’t feel brave, Hannie,” she hiccuped, her voice barely audible. “I feel broken.”

Her words tore through Jeonghan like a knife, and he could feel his composure slipping as she finished, her voice raw and trembling.

“You broke me,” she said, her lips quivering as another tear slid down her cheek. “And it hurts.”

Jeonghan froze as her trembling words struck him like a blow. Her tear-streaked face, her voice breaking with pain— every part of her screamed of the hurt he’d caused, and it was unbearable.

Jeonghan shook his head, his voice low but steady, desperate to reach her. “I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it if you’ll let me,” he said, his hands firm yet gentle on her arms. “I’ll undo all the words that hurt you. Just tell me how.”

Luna’s breath hitched, her voice sharp and trembling as she shot back, “What good are words when they always just get in our way, Han?”

Her challenge hung in the air, raw and heavy, but Jeonghan didn’t falter. His brows furrowed as his dark eyes bore into hers, soft yet resolute.

“Because words matter,” he countered firmly, his voice calm and measured. “Words are what brought us to this moment. I said the wrong ones before, but I won’t stop trying until I say the right ones. I can’t give up, Bae Jiyeon. Not on you.”

Her tears continued to fall, and Jeonghan reached forward, brushing the strands of hair that clung to her damp cheeks. His fingers moved slowly, tenderly, as though she were something fragile and sacred. His hands found her face, cradling it, urging her to look up at him even as her gaze flickered uncertainly.

“Show me, my moon,” he whispered, his voice quiet yet pleading, the nickname like a soft caress. “Show me where I hurt you so that I can love you there the most.”

The words were spoken with such raw sincerity, such desperation, that they seemed to wrap around Luna’s heart and squeeze. She released a shaky breath, her eyes fluttering closed as a tear slipped free and traced a path down her cheek.

Her heart— shattered as it was— still managed to beat for him.

It always had.

It always would.

And that scared her more than anything.

“You don’t get to just say that now,” Luna said shakily, her voice cracking as she shook her head, trying to pull away but finding herself unable to. “You don’t get to show up and say everything I’ve been dying to hear after you crushed me.”

Her walls were still up, fragile but standing, and Jeonghan could see her fear, her need to protect herself. But he wasn’t going to let her go. Not this time.

“I told the moon about you, Jiyeonie,” he murmured softly, and the words made her freeze.

Luna let out a broken sob as her head dropped onto his shoulder, her tears soaking into his shirt. Jeonghan didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her, holding her close as she cried, his hand stroking her back in soothing circles.

“I told the moon about how I wanted to dedicate a song to you after I met you for the first time,” he continued, his voice trembling but unwavering. “I told the moon about how your laugh feels like the answer to every question I didn’t know I was asking. About how you hum to yourself when you think no one is listening, and it’s my favorite sound in the world.”

He gently pulled her head off his shoulder, his hands finding their way to her face again, cupping it as he cradled her, his thumbs brushing away her tears. Her red-rimmed eyes stared into his, her lips trembling as he spoke.

“I told the moon about the way your nose scrunches up when you’re concentrating. About how you never finish a cup of tea but insist on making it anyway because the ritual calms you. I told the moon how you bite your lip when you’re nervous and how it drives me crazy because I want to kiss you every time you do it.”

Luna’s breath hitched, her tears spilling over again as she listened, her heart simultaneously breaking and healing with every word.

“I told the moon about my regrets,” Jeonghan admitted, his voice cracking. “About every time I hurt you, every time I held back because I was too scared to face what I was feeling. I told the moon about how it’s just the hardest thing to love you but not know how. So I spent all my nights in the dark, afraid. Afraid because I tried to forget you, but these things— you— just don’t go away.”

His voice grew softer, more vulnerable. “I hate that you’re so perfect,” he said, his lips curving into the faintest, saddest smile. “So perfect for me… made for me.”

Luna closed her eyes as a fresh wave of tears escaped, her hands coming up to grip his wrists, holding onto him as though she might crumble without the contact.

“The excuses I gave you… none of them mattered,” Jeonghan continued, his voice steadying as he poured his heart out. “Because the truth is, Nana-ya, I love you. I’ve loved you for longer than I can even admit to myself.”

His hands slipped from her face to rest on her shoulders as he leaned closer, his eyes never leaving hers.

“I love you,” he said again, his voice filled with a depth of emotion that made her chest tighten. “I love the way you brighten every room you walk into. I love the way you care for the people around you, how you give so much of yourself even when you have nothing left to give. I love the way you see the world, how you find beauty in places no one else would even think to look.”

He paused, his gaze softening as he added, “I love you, Bae Jiyeon. All of you. The good, the bad, the messy, the beautiful. I love you more than words can ever say, but I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to show you, if you’ll let me.”

Luna’s tears fell freely now, her breath hitching as her hands clutched at his shirt, grounding herself in him. Her walls, the ones she’d fought so hard to keep up, began to crumble, piece by piece, under the weight of his love.

Jeonghan’s voice broke as he continued, his thumb brushing over her cheekbone like he was trying to erase the pain he had caused. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need you to know the truth. I pushed you away because I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I thought you deserved someone who wasn’t going to mess up. But the truth is… the thought of losing you terrified me more than anything else.”

Luna’s breath hitched, her voice trembling as she whispered, “And yet, you still let me go.”

Her eyes opened, glistening with unshed tears as she searched his face, her expression filled with a mixture of heartbreak and disbelief.

Jeonghan swallowed hard, shaking his head almost frantically. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking, okay? I thought I was protecting us, but all I did was hurt you. I can’t take that back, but I can promise you that I’ll never make that mistake again.”

She closed her eyes briefly, her shoulders sagging as though the weight of the past months bore down on her all at once. “I’m scared,” she admitted, her voice barely audible. “I spent so much time these past couple of months convincing myself that maybe… maybe we just weren’t meant to be.”

Jeonghan’s heart clenched painfully in his chest, and he stared at her, shaking his head with conviction. His voice was firm, urgent, as if he could will her to believe him. “No. Don’t say that. Don’t you dare say that, Jiyeon-ah. You’re it for me. You’ve always been it for me. I was just too blind to see it in time.”

He reached for her hands, holding them tightly between his own as his voice softened but lost none of its determination. “Please… please don’t give up on us. Let me prove it to you. Let me prove that I’m not going to hurt you again. I’ll do whatever it takes, Jiyeonie. I’ll wait as long as you need. I’ll fight for us, for you, for our friendship. Just… just don’t shut me out.”

Luna’s fingers trembled as they wrapped around his wrist, her grip weak but steadying as she brought his hand down from her face and held it in her lap. Her voice was soft but resolute, her gaze piercing as she finally met his eyes. “You can’t just fix this overnight, Han. We can’t go back to how things were. If we’re going to try again… we need to fix our friendship first. We were friends first. We need to rebuild what broke before anything else.”

Her words hung in the air between them, weighted with truth and the hope of something new. Jeonghan nodded slowly, his lips pressing into a thin line as he absorbed her words.

Despite the desperation in his heart to hold her close and never let go, he knew she was right.

“I know we can’t go back to the way we were,” he said, his voice steady but tinged with emotion. “And I don’t want to go back. I want to move forward— with you. I’ll be better. We’ll be better. I’ll start wherever you need me to. As friends, as strangers— just tell me how to fix this. I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. I’ll earn your trust back, your love, everything. Just… don’t give up on me.”

Luna exhaled a shaky breath, her fingers tightening around his wrist as her gaze softened. “I’m not giving up on you. I never gave up on you. But this time, it’s going to be on my terms.”

Jeonghan’s lips parted, and he nodded without hesitation, his sincerity clear in every word he spoke. “Your terms, always. I’ll wait. I’ll work for it. Just… thank you for giving me the chance to make this right.”

Luna’s lips curved into a faint, tired smile, the tension in her shoulders easing slightly as she spoke, her voice lighter than before, though still tinged with lingering sadness. “Well, the heart wants what it wants.”

Jeonghan’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at her, his expression one of reverence, like she was the moon and the stars shining down on them, lighting his path. “It does. And mine wants you. Always has, always will.”

He spoke the words with such quiet certainty, his gaze never wavering from hers.

In that moment, the air around them felt still, as though the universe itself had paused to bear witness to the weight of their emotions, the unspoken promises lingering in the space between their hearts.

Jeonghan gently pulled away from Luna, the warmth of his touch lingering on her skin. His lips curved into a teasing smile, the kind that used to infuriate her and had always held the power to disarm her. “I can’t wait to tell the little boy,” he said, his tone light and mischievous.

Luna blinked at him, her brows furrowing in confusion. “What little boy?” she asked, her voice laced with equal parts exasperation and bewilderment.

“The little boy fishing on the moon. The man in the moon, remember?” Jeonghan replied, his grin widening as he referenced the conversation they’d had years ago at the Han River during one of their first late-night talks as trainees.

Luna’s jaw slackened slightly before she snapped it shut, shaking her head. “That’s not– He’s not–” She let out a breath, her shoulders sagging in mock defeat. “You’re an idiot.”

Jeonghan laughed softly, the sound rich and familiar, like a song she hadn’t realized she missed. “I know. We’ve been through this,” he said, the humor in his tone softening into affection as he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

She didn’t move away, didn’t flinch. Instead, her eyes fluttered shut, savoring the moment before she opened them again and met his gaze.

Despite the magnetic pull between them, the kind that had always existed and only seemed stronger now, they both knew the truth.

They couldn’t rush this, not yet.

The more mature parts of themselves— the ones hardened by heartbreak and regret— understood the importance of rebuilding the foundation of their relationship.

Their friendship was the cornerstone of everything they were to each other, and if they wanted to build something lasting, something unshakable, they had to fix what had been broken first.

Neither of them wanted to wait.

They wanted to dive into each other’s arms, to silence the ache with whispered promises and stolen kisses. But they respected the process, respected each other too much to risk repeating their mistakes.

They had taken the first step tonight, had opened the door to healing by airing their frustrations, their fears, and their truths.

Luna had cried until her chest ached, and Jeonghan had been there to hold her. Jeonghan had confessed his regrets, his love, his hopes, and Luna had listened, her presence steady even as her tears fell. They had yelled, voices raised as years of pent-up emotions spilled out, but even in their anger, there had been a yearning to understand.

They were in love.

That much was clear to both of them now.

But love alone wouldn’t be enough if they didn’t have a solid foundation to stand on.

So, Jeonghan promised to work for it, to make it worth it.

Luna promised to trust the process and let him prove himself.

Even so, in the quiet recesses of their hearts, they both knew that it was only a matter of time before the fire between them ignited even more, before the spark that had always been there became impossible to ignore.

It wasn’t a question of if they would cross that line, but when.

And they both felt, deep down, that the moment would come soon.

The universe, it seemed, had been on their side all along.

The anxiety that had drowned Luna earlier in suffocating waves, the restlessness that had driven her to the Han River in search of solace, had carried her back to her island— Jeonghan.

And Jeonghan, who had sought to talk to the moon to share his frustrations and to make sense of the ache in his chest, had found himself drawn by gravity to his moon— Luna.

As they sat there in the stillness of the night, the city lights twinkling like distant stars, Jeonghan reached for her hand once more, and this time, she didn’t hesitate to take it. Their fingers intertwined, and though the path ahead was uncertain, the warmth in their joined hands was a promise.

Together, they would find their way.

They always do.

For the tides, ruled by the moon, carried Luna from the depths to the island of Jeonghan’s soul.

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[sagittariusmarz]

What’s coming towards you in the summer (pac) *follower request

Pile 1

This summer you may be focused a lot on healing and preparing yourself to meet the right person, you may have a hard time staying patient. I see that this summer may feel stagnant like time is moving slower than usual, I see that you’ll have to work on being receptive instead of always giving. For some of you healing this summer will have to do with you understanding that you deserve the same treatment you put out and that it’s okay for people that care about you to spoil you or do things for you. I see that this summer you may try to force things to work for you in different areas of your life but you’ll see that you can’t rush everything and that you have to believe in divine timing, this summer will be important for you to stay present and trust the process/trust in divine timing. You may be bored with your work life because it won’t really be any changes but it’ll be important to stay focused and consistent. Praying about your love life and manifesting your person will bring some lessons or challenges that you’ll have to work on so you can get closer to your goals. Signs- Taurus, Leo, Capricorn. Sagittarius in 5th or 11th house. Initial- H, T, S

Pile 2

This summer you’ll be focused on conquering your challenges and staying in control, I see that you may be focusing on staying patient and consistent/not focusing too much on the big goals and just trying to complete the small ones you have. For some of you I see that turning your big goals into smaller goals will help you progress faster and you won’t feel stuck or stagnant anymore, this summer you’ll feel like things are coming along for you and you’ll be able to see or sense your growth in multiple areas of your life. I see that when things start to feel chaotic for you it’ll be important for you to observe and learn what you can from the situation so you can handle it better, I see you guys staying home more or redecorating your home/specific area of your house. I see you guys learning about different things that can help you and absorbing information while being more observant, you’ll be thinking things through more before you act which will benefit you in multiple areas of your life. I see you rising above the challenges you come across and doing things in a smarter way, I see you being more protective of your energy because you have a better understanding of the things around you. Signs- Leo/Taurus, Sagittarius in 11th house/ Pisces in 7th house. Initials- G, U, M (Mug?)

Pile 3

I see that this summer you may be spending more time with your friends rather than your family or you’ll feel more supported around your friends, I see you guys working on forgiving and letting go so that you can move on. For some of you there may be some conflict with your family so you’re distancing yourself from them, there may be someone who wants your forgiveness but you’ll be hesitant about letting them back into your life. I see that for some of you there’s going to be someone who’s thinking about you often or thinking about speaking to you so you may see them in your dreams often, I see you may go through something unexpected because you found out the truth but it could lead you to new and better opportunities. I see you having stronger boundaries and being careful about who you let around you, I see that there’s someone in your love life or friend group that will want to repair things with you but you’ll reject them. I see this summer you may be out of touch with your spirituality and not praying as much as you should, I see that if you’re not grounded spiritually then you’ll go through more turmoil than you want or expected. Someone will want a reconciliation but you’ll hesitant about it. Signs- Sagittarius/leo, cancer in 11th house/Aquarius in 1st house. Initials- F, A, N, X, Y, D, Z, W, S, P

Personal readings always available

Divider by @saradika-graphics PNGs by @iconsfm @hibscubus

[binomech]

Ricken was, according to The You You Are, "the first baby born for theatrical purposes." His mother's pregnancy culminated in a stage play meant to be a commentary on how having children with the state of the world as it is borders on cruelty. Of course, he was still brought into the world, and hey, his whole purpose was to be a highbrow art piece. His parents would leave for weeks at a time; he wondered if they'd even wanted a child at all or if he was just a little project. He calls art his brother, a metaphorical familial bond in line with his parents' expectations that led him to try his hand at literature.

And still his writing will never be as insightful and incisive as his parents wanted his whole existence to be, because he's earnest to the point of absurdity. His parents will go through pregnancy and give birth on stage, and how can he ever make them proud when he's so scared of making his child feel the same way his parents did to him that he writes a whole chapter about it in the hopes that someone will validate his worry?

He feels extremely ashamed about the fact that his comfortable life, his condo, and the fact that he can even dedicate himself to writing professionally come from his parents' success. He's thankful and resentful and wants to have his own life, to be some kind of self beyond being their son. But his own self is unmarketable, a little too intense, and absolutely shit at being something he's not to the point where at times it feels like Devon is the only person he regularly interacts with that likes him. The people at his own dinner party talk in hollow platitudes and emotionally removed intellectualism; even Rebeck, who praises Ricken's writing, is enamored with the academicism of it rather than Ricken's oversharing. She asks him to not punish Eleanor after they break up the party after the OTC, despite, ostensibly, having read the book where Ricken spends the entirety of it talking himself down from resenting his parents for making him the way he is so that he can reconcile his life as they expected with the way his life turned out to be.

The You You Are is jarring because it's a diary selling itself as a manifesto (and I, for one, believe it works as a manifesto for the innies because it's a diary, because it reflects the fears and expectations they feel themselves in an outie, who is afforded full personhood). It makes the real-world reader feel like a voyeur. It's not some insight into any great structural truth; it is, as Ricken's parents put it disdainfully, "conventionalist art." Ricken is writing about having wild amounts of awesome sex with Devon, about wrangling the memories of his childhood into something that feels nice to reminisce about, about how he's terrified of being a bad parent, and about arguments with his brother-in-law. Most of all, he writes about the idea of self as a part of something, as a role, as an archetype.

He writes about all these intimate and vulnerable things and drapes them in pomposity because he's performing, like his parents did. He tells us about Gemma, her death, and her friendship with such warmth and such a lack of frills compared to the rest of the book, and then about how Mark weaponized her genuine warmth to mock him to the point where he's now haunted by the idea that the last thing Gemma said about him was an insult. And he talks himself down from that resentment too; he understands where Mark's insult came from, and he tries to accept that he can never know if Gemma truly did mock his tape but that he knows what she directly said to him about the songs, which was kind.

When Natalie Kalen offers him reliable royalties for a brand-approved edition of You You Are, Ricken sees an opportunity to stop being a coda to his parents' own artistic legacy and finally have money he can call his own and stop feeling guilty for relying on them, because no matter how much he performs a reconciliation in his writing, he resents the cruelty of his birth and their absences. He resents that he'll never be sophisticated enough, that he'll always "sound like a hamburger waiter," that people who appreciate him like him pristine and intellectual, and that anyone who sees the oversharing, the inappropriate venting, the earnest admission that he'd like to get to know people better, and the guy who wants to show the delights of couloir skiing will dismiss him as a bumbling fool, like Mark did. Like, crucially, Devon and Gemma didn't.

Lumon exploits the shame and regrets of their employees constantly; they use them to promise peace and warp them into a cage through repeated punishment and tantalizing promises that can never come to be as long as the point is the company's profit. Natalie praises Ricken's writing; Natalie praises the emotional parts of it, the parts that Ricken is worried about and wants to obscure with pseudo-intellectual trash, because they are helping the innies. It's a promise of economic safety and independence (isolation, which Lumon wants) from his own larger support network. He's been waiting his whole life to have something to call his own, to stop performing and still be appreciated.

What do you do when the you you are is someone you are ashamed of? What do you do when it's easier to blame your parents for the person you have become? What do you do when you understand that you also got some good things from them? What do you do when you understand your parents are not the only people who made you into who you are at present? What do you do when you realize you can fail people in the same ways they failed you?

Ricken's in the same crucible as every other character in the show, trapped between expectation and reality, in some weird, fucked-up relationship with the people that put him into the world, trying to decide where they end and he begins, trying to understand if there's anything he is beyond the role he was given and that he gives himself.

[redwinewhiteroses]

What would they say to you?

if they could call you right now 🤍

This reading is about what the person on your mind would say to you. This is most suitable for a romantic partner/connection.

I did a small energy check in the beginning of each reading, if that resonates with you, you can confirm that it's meant for you. Even if it doesn't, the main tarot portion might resonate with you.

This is a general reading so it might not be for everyone. If you feel a strong pull to a specific image, that's the one for you, but if you have a difficult time choosing an image, then this reading isn't for you.

And a random observation I made while doing this reading is that almost all the groups have Five of Cups and The Death card and even Seven of Wands. So these energies turning up throughout all the readings, although in different ways and positions makes me think the collective is struggling with being open to giving and receiving love and likely experiencing heartbreak due to that. It could be your respective person experiencing a bit of sadness as well.

So let's make a wish together for all of us. 🥰🌷I hope we all give and receive healing and pure love in abundance! 🥹🩷

Image 1 Cinderella

Your energy

Ten of Cups

I see you being really happy and content with how things are going on in your life right now. You may have completed something recently, achieved something important, not necessarily a tangible goal but something very internal and personal like a mindset upgrade or received significant emotional fulfillment. Also you could be spending a lot of time socialising and hanging out with people you love and admire. Maybe there's also some newfound joy and hope in your life. For most of you, I think you are in separation with this person and you are focusing on family, friends and the little things in life that bring you happiness, and probably even ignoring this person lol.

Their energy

The Fool

They too are in a similar energy. I think they feel very free and optimistic about life. They are in a place where they hope to explore the vastness of the world without worry or hesitation. This could be about wanting a new beginning or closing out an old chapter to have a fresh start. They are feeling adventurous. If you had a falling out with this person or you had a fight or something, I see them being bold enough to approach you with an apology and reconciliation. I see them wanting to approach you and they are very excited to see you and talk to you. They could be observing you from a distance without you knowing.

Connecting energy

Seven of Wands/Five of Wands

You could have had a fight or a disagreement over something recently. It's like you are not really on good terms rn, even if you are in contact there's a bit of a tension between you. Also I see one of you keep fuelling the fire even if the other wants to dissolve this conflict as soon as possible. It's like I'm not done fighting with you while the other goes Oh please stop it already! I also think for some of you this could've been a very childish play fight that aggravated into something more unintentionally lol. You could be skeptic of this person or this could be them, and due that one of you is defensive and standing on guard.

What they would say to you

Five of Cups/Death/Ace of Swords | The Tower

They would say that they are extremely sad for what happened between you. They think the pain wasn't worth it and things shouldn't have happened the way they did. They feel like life is being drained out of them and it is affecting their emotional well-being. But I also think they are done crying over what happened and they are ready to move forward with whatever is left. For those of you had a play fight with them, I see them thinking It's over. You win, I lose! So it seems like your person feels defeated. They could be heartbroken over how things ended between you but I see them having clarity over this situation. They are moving towards having more stability and peace of mind. They want to talk to you and clear the air between you. I see them wanting conflict resolution and a new beginning with you. Maybe not necessarily mending the relationship but to have clear communication to understand what both of you want and intend to have in the future together as a couple and separately as individuals. I see them being really articulate about their thoughts surrounding your relationship, so if they were naive and moody before and just talking and behaving in a fit of rage, impulsively or moodily know that they are out of it and thinking more clearly and actively. They will be pretty clear on what they want from this connection and they want to know your desires too. Whatever happened between you could've been very sudden and unpredictable, but I see them thinking it was necessary or at least it wasn't wasted. You could've learnt something from that and with that knowledge you can create something new together, if you want to. Whatever ended could've been for the greater good of all and even if it's difficult to think it is, I see new opportunities on the horizon or they think this way.

The below messages are from my box of little notes, so please take them as extra confirmation. Leave them if it doesn't resonate with you.

Random messages : Savior, Try again, Breathe for me, Vivid dreams, What you think you want, Stop wanting. Act like it. Act for it. , Forgive and forget, Milk and honey, Tease, Tears of joy.

And that's all for group 1. I hope this resonated with you and you can comment your thoughts below and give feedback or recommendations if you wish to do that. Please take care of yourself and I hope you have a great day!😇💙

Image 2 Ariel

Your energy

Queen of Wands

I see you being in your true power. I saw 44 on the clock while writing this so I'm thinking you are in a stable position in your life currently, feeling comfortable and confident in your own skin. You feel empowered and stronger as an individual. You might be looking over to your person's side almost in a protective way wondering if they are alright and safe. You have your life together and I see you being worried about your person maybe because they are having minor issues they are tackling right now. Or you are keeping an eye on them. Both of you are in similar yet different energies.

I thought of this song so maybe it's relevant. Tell me if it resonates with you.

Their energy

King of Cups reversed

Your person is in a very unbalanced emotional state right now. They too are looking over to your side, looking to see how you are doing on your own. I see them having a different perspective on this situation. You both could be viewing your relationship in different lenses and with different intentions. Currently your person could be a bit moody and even emotionally manipulative. They could be emotionally unavailable and keeping their distance. They are in a protective energy of only caring about their own good and being a little insensitive about you and the relationship. I feel like they are very similar to you on the outside but on the inside they are quite different. This difference could be about their thoughts, dreams or deepest desires.

Connecting energy

Ace of Pentacles/Nine of Swords

I get the feeling that you are a bit anxious and worried about them and feel very burdened. I don't know who is in this energy of having a heavy heart, but I feel like there's worry and deep unhappiness here. You could be feeling overwhelmed by all the what ifs. And I see you wanting a new beginning with this person. I also see it as you wanting to offer them relief or you extending your hand to them. Maybe you are in separation with this person or there's a lot of anxious and negative thoughts and fears you have surrounding this connection and you wish to move past it towards greater stability. I also see it as you are ready to offer your all, your precious heart to them but they are not ready to receive it. There's also a message about wanting to walk through that door, maybe towards light and peace. Worrying about how much to give comes to mind.

What they would say to you

Nine of Pentacles/The Empress rev/Two of Wands rev | Death

They would say they are kinda happy and sad rn. They are not sure if they are happy or if what is going on is what they truly want or need. I have a feeling they are not seeing things clearly or they are not ready to. They would say that they are focussed on themselves doing great with career and life, enjoying pleasures in life and enjoying life as an individual. They are not really feeling emotional or caring towards anyone right now. They feel very disconnected from emotions. Also they feel insecure and not so confident about themselves, so it's kinda influencing the way they show up for their loved ones. Honestly I feel a bit of selfishness coming from their side. Maybe they're not inherently that way but right now their heart space is very closed. They would say they fear what the future holds for them and for this connection. They don't have the kind of results that they wanted to have, so they fear the unknown. They feel lost and very disappointed.

For some of you, this person might not have the resources they wanted and wished to have, maybe you showed up and shared your resources and provided for them. They don't want to depend on you and be a burden to you in any way but they are yet to stand strong independently. There is also this theme on picking themselves up and this need they feel to build their life further. As if whatever they have or achieved isn't really enough for them. They could be going through a much needed personal transformation that includes shedding old ways. They don't necessarily see the direction they are headed towards and where this journey is taking them and they fear the unknown. I think they are experiencing both sadness and happiness simultaneously or they consciously don't let the bitter feelings completely drown out their joy. So they might look confident and put together on the outside but deep down there's self doubt, indecision, painful feelings and memories.

The below messages are just from my box of little notes, so please take them as extra confirmation. Leave them if it doesn't resonate with you.

Random messages : Hope is needed, Wait for me, Light hair, Make it happen, Muse/Poetic, Sensual, Going with the flow, Sagittarius energy, Sweet kiss, Patience is a virtue, Try again, Deep dive

That's all for group 2! I hope you take care of yourself and have a great day!🩷

Image 3 Aurora

Your energy

Nine of Pentacles reversed

You are feeling somewhat unfulfilled when it comes to this connection. For some of you, you might be lonely without your person and even if you have a lot of things to be grateful for, you feel a void due to their absence in your life. You might be questioning your self-worth. You might also be pretending that all is good and maintaining a superficial appearance as if you don't care, but deep down you feel very isolated. I think you do have a lot of inner strength and you might even be highly independent but that doesn't mean you don't ever feel vulnerable.

Some of you are guarded to dating this person romantically. You might be self-sabotaging or holding yourself back in some way. I also think for some of you this could be a situation that haven't really progressed into a commited relationship. There's no history here between you is what I'm trying to say. Maybe you work together but don't necessarily know each other on an intimate level.

And for others who are already with this person, you might be overly depending on them or you feel like you are slowly losing yourself, getting lost in their eyes? Losing autonomy and feeling...(I forgot what I was going to say...I'm sorry🫠 I was away for a while🥲)

Their energy

The High Priestess/Nine of Cups

Water sign energy? They might have this beautiful calmness to them. I just felt like including this. I'm also imagining someone who is completely oblivious of your admiration. It's like they don't know if you love them or not, they might feel it intuitively but they might be dismissing them thinking they are delusional. They are getting a vibe, having a feeling about something. That is for some of you.

And for others, your person is focussed on themselves; they are looking inward to find answers and they are pretty satisfied with what they've actually found. There is a focus on emotional regulation and gaining wisdom. They are trying to trust their gut feelings.

I believe they are happy with themselves and very in tune with their identity. Lately they might even be sure of and know what it is that they really want. Realising truths about themselves and others and being grateful for everything they have seems to be their energy. They might have decluttered recently and that includes cutting ties with people/friends who were draining them.

They are prioritising their peace rn and they feel incredibly happy with how emotionally fulfilling that has been for them.

Connecting energy

Ten of Wands

This is a heavy energy. Maybe there is something that needs work; a problem that needs to be solved. Something that is demanding a lot of energy and hard work. It's almost like a sturdy barrier between you that is keeping you from being happier together.

Love is a road that goes both ways comes to mind. Maybe one of you has been carrying this relationship and the other hasn't been contributing as much as they should have.

For others, I think yall are at a phase where responsibilities overshadow the lighter aspects of love and romance. There might be tasks and obligations that you are focussed on as a couple and that might be stressful to you and them and causing a feeling of restriction within the relationship.

What they would say to you

The Lovers/Five of Cups/Two of Cups | Three of Pentacles

They wish to say that you are the perfect match for them. I think they believe you to be their ideal partner. They are sad about how things have been, especially if you've been facing challenges that tested your love for each other. They know that there is no one more compatible and perfect for them than you are and despite all the instances where they felt even a bit of pain because of you, they appreciate you in every moment they can. The pain is nothing compared to how you make me feel.

I think they want to work with you, make efforts together to fix things. They want you to care as much as they do. They want you to cooperate with them, join hands with them and be with them. I think they crave connection with you. They wish to be closer to you. For some of you, I think they want you to choose them so bad. Like they are yearning for you to choose them, love them and crave them.

They will say that both of you should put equal efforts to fix what's not working. They want honesty and acceptance from you; to tell them what is it on your mind.

They want to close the gap between you. They are experiencing sadness because you guys can't be together? I think they are hurting because of you not being there for them. For them, being with you is the ultimate cure to all ails and they want you. They love you, respect you and admire you for all that you are. They just want peace and harmony with you; to be together, to love and respect each other as friends and as soulmates. They just want to have a balanced relationship, they want to be with you.

Don't let the past pain, sorrow and the mistakes keep us from uniting.

You know I want you more than ever.

P.S. I think I'm gonna go cry. You guys are making me cry fr. This is so bittersweet. Why is five of cups in between two soulmate cards. Why is your person sad 😭 What's going on?!?! They have great love and respect in their heart for you.🥹

The below messages are from my box of little notes, so please take them as extra confirmation. Leave them if it doesn't resonate with you.

Random messages : Soul's desire, Gentle monster, No way, Bubble tea, It's easier when you sleep, Sea breeze, Nourishment/Moon/Gentle/Mother, Dark knight, Dreams, I'm so tired.

And I also thought of Desiree(could be someone's name)

Thanks for being here group 3!💚 I wish you guys all the best!

Image 4 Snow White

Your energy

Seven of Wands

You are in a relatively high chaotic energy than they are. Some of you are resisting this connection in some way and holding back any potential progress that could happen between you when it comes to this relationship.

I'm thinking for a very few of you, you might have something to hide from them or you are keeping a secret that keeps you from opening up to them. You are in a way guarding yourself.

And for others you might be fighting for this relationship. You could be fighting people's opinions, their judgement and their intention to ruin your relationship with your person. You are defensive and protective of your love and you are determined to effectively set boundaries to keep negativity and obstacles away.

Their energy

Six of Pentacles

I wouldn't be surprised if you are the more active one in your connection. It's almost like your person is very unfazed by chaos. I sense a balanced energy from them. They have a mindset of gratitude and generosity. They know what matters to them and invest in causes that have deep meaning to them. They are open to share what's theirs and to receive in a very fair manner as well. I'm pretty sure they have a lot to offer and they would very much like to do that.

Connecting energy

Three of Cups/Wheel of Fortune

So you might not really know them on a deep intimate level. There could be very little interaction with them; like you know them, but you don't really know them. But there is something special here between you since there's a major arcana here. You might both feel an uncanny feeling or can't stop thinking about the possibility of there being a special bond between you. Almost like fate or a higher power brought you together. Or a feeling like this had to happen or this is the inevitable.

Your first encounter might be like something out of the movies or a romcom. Could've been an unexpected meeting.

I'm thinking developing feelings for them would've been abrupt too. You might've been friends and one day you realise that you actually love them. There's an element of chance/destiny is what I'm trying to say.

The connecting energy is actually very positive and joyous.

What they would say to you

Five of Cups/Strength/Four of Pentacles | The Hanged Man

They will say that they are sad of things not working out for them. Whatever that might be, they are consumed by sadness and regret. Although they are in a balanced energy, they have rather bitter feelings to express. If you hurt them in some way or they hurt you, I think there's regret about that.

But despite this hurt, they will say that they care deeply about others, and if they know you well enough, and you shared moments together, they do care about you in a gentle manner. They are taking accountability and they know they are responsible for their own actions. They could be overcoming a period of doubt or worry. They will say that they never meant to hurt you, it was never their intention.

For few of you, this person is holding back because they don't intend to hurt you. They might not show how much you really affect them. Holding back due to worry is very much the reason. They feel responsible for their actions and they wouldn't make any move that they know will cause harm to you or others.

They will say that they were deeply hurt in the past and if it ever seems that they are holding back it is to protect their heart, to protect themselves from feeling sorrow and pain. Although they are in a generous energy, they are still keeping something to themselves. It's like they want to give, but they won't give something that they are not comfortable to give away. There can be deep seated issues and even betrayal that they have faced before, so they are naturally careful and patient. They will never rush with anything and they value stability and connections that provide them emotional security.

I do feel wounded energy from them but despite that, they are standing strong and brave. They appreciate trust and loyalty and expect others to treat them with compassion too. They might even want you to treat them gently; to be soft with them. To tell them that you won't be a cause of heartbreak and suffering for them. But instead you will be a cure to erase all the bad memories once and for all.

With that being said, they are also in the process of letting go of something. They need some time right now and I'm pretty sure they are taking things slow.

Simply put, they are sad about something and due to past experiences of some sort, they are holding themselves back, keeping things to themselves; even their pain. They likely won't share their sadness with anyone. They are slowly overcoming some situation and defeating these bitter feelings with determination. So if they seem closed off, this is why and they will say to not take it personally. They are just hurt and processing it with all they have so they can heal and become stronger.

The below messages are from my box of little notes, so please take them as extra confirmation. Leave them if any of the msgs don't resonate with you.

Random messages : No, Intellectual, Sail the seas, Tease, Charming, Madness, Enchanting, What if I mess up?, Don't go, Nourishment/Moon/Gentle/Mother, Sea Breeze

Thank you for joining me!🧡 Sending you love, light and lots of joy!🥰

[theveil-and-thepath]

Montly PAC n°1: This will happen next month

Pile 1 - Pile 2

Pile 3 - Pile 4

You can pick more than one! Just follow your heart!

What will happen in December 2024? Or the next month of whenever you find this reading?

*This is a source of entertainment, your destiny is in your hands.*

Pile 1

■Ten of Cups , The High Priestess , The Lovers , Six of Cups , Six of Pentacles.■Key , Fox , House , Dog , Bear.■Mercury in sagittarius in the 8th house.■Week 1: Crossroad , Fish , Heart. - DIAMOND: Gift of jewelry.■Week 2:Sun , Mountain , Garden.- TABLE: Favorable period for you■Week 3:Coffin , Man , Moon.- GRASSHOPPER: Situations in the balance that require careful handling.■Week 4: Bouquet , Tree , Birds. - ROSE: Romance is in the air.

■ Cards were drawn from the Divination Table

■ Next month is a time of blessings! You shall have reconciliations with all whom you wish back into your life and your relationships will improve as well.

■ Family time will be overall favorable for you the entire month. You may receive financial help from generous hands of loved ones.

■ You may meet your siblings, cousins or dear friends.

■ Your intuition and psychic abilities will increase and deepen. You may write channeled messages or feel inspired to write about philosophical topics.

■ You may have to solve a tricky family situation, you have the knowledge or resources on how to do it and you'll have to be extra smart and anticipate people's intentions and next moves. Perhaps you're dealing with older and wiser people who "argue" or "fight" better than you do, but amongst them you may have one friend, or you'll have the intervention of someone who'll assist you in dealing with an overbearing parent or a proud authority figure.

■ In the first week, you'll become richer. Your paycheck will be more than double the usual amount, you may receive a bonus or an advancement in pay. A loved one may gift you or announce the gift they will give you and its either super fancy or an expensive item they'll help you purchase. This will be done with a lot of love. The money you receive will allow you more freedom on big choices in your life, it may cover financial holes and allow you to move on freely in your path. Very good pay week.

■ The second week will be a happy one. You'll move ahead on your goals,see how far you've come. You may have joyful encounters or get together at work or with friends. Good for networking, working, and solidifying existing connections. You'll feel great full.

■ In the 3rd week you will have to deal or face a situation with a man who had left your life or with whom you had been having little contact. It can be an ex, or someone you had a small disagreement with. Be careful with everyone's sensibilities, but also care for your emotions. Try to be grounded, remember the good and solid things in you life, and walk slowly. You may be more pensive or introspective. I don't see open fights nor arguments, but it'll require tact.

■ The final week of the month brings a peace offering, or a good outcome of what you had to deal with. Family gatherings, conversations, thoughtful small gifts. Some people may find new love, or have a great and romantic time with your current partner (or with whoever you willingly reconciled with). Some of you can start a new relationship or be proposed to. You open your heart, and open up in conversation.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Pile 2

The Fool , Eight of Cups , The World , Six of Swords , Seven of Pentacles■Bear , Snake , Coffin , Mountain , Woman■Neptune in pisces in the 8th house■Week 1: Stars , Fox , Sun. - PIG: Beware of greed.■Week 2: Fish , Child , Fox. - FEATHER: Someone you know is undependable, insincere.■Week 3: Clover , Tree , Heart. - OLDER WOMAN: Dealings or relationship with an older woman.■Week 4: Whip , Clouds , Woman. - DOLPHIN: Financial gain. Usually coming from something you did in the past.

■ Cards were drawn from the Divination Table

■ There is a moving on and moving ahead theme for you next month. You can leave your country, state, city, family. This can be about a vacation, but it's also about your freedom! Pluto in aquarius may be interacting with your birth chart.

■ You leave behind a shady and proud and overbearing person. You chase your own fulfillment no matter the time, effort, and obstacles faced it takes for you to become your best self or accomplish your highest goals.

■ It's about a process of becoming and of long term goals.

■ Be aware of dark energy around you so you don't absorb it. Watch out for negative thoughts, they are whispers from deep waters that aren't to be taken at face value! Don't let your shadow control you, don't have delusions either.

■ You can feel a thinner veil with spirituality, make sure it's good influence.

■ For week 1 you got the advice: chase your highest dreams because you'll reach them, but be very smart about them and don't bite more than you can currently chew.

■ In the second week you may feel you're standing in unstable ground and what you have is nothing but the beginning if an abundant life. You'll be aware of how careful you need to be, nurture yourself and you'd goals as you would tend to a newborn in your arms.

■ In the third week, some of you will be blessed with your grandmother, mother, or feminine spiritual guide or family member. Your ancestry of female line or feminine entities will bring you a strike of luck, or you'll realize how deeply loved you truly are by them and how rare this love is. Thus can refer to people who have passed away.

■ Finally, I do think you'll be paid either due to this lucky strike of rhe previous week or due to something you've done before. A woman you know may help clear your doubts or uncertainties about the future. You may be thinking "where do I stand" with a woman in your life, thinking of her role, just don't overthink for nothing, avoid making confusions worse for no reason.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Pile 3

Strength , Five of Pentacles , Eight of Pentacles , Seven of Cups , Wheel of Fortune■Bouquet , Sun , Bear , Woman , Rider■Jupiter in scorpio in the 11th house■Week 1: Scythe , Stork , Birds. - BIRD-FLYING: News is on the way.■Week 2: Mice , Scythe , Man. - MOON: Changes in your life.■Week 3: Ring , Birds , Snake. - CRIB: Birth or conception of a child or enterprise.■Week 4: Clover , Lily , Stork. - CARRIAGE: A journey either physically or mentally.

■Cards were drawn from the Divination Table

■ A powerful woman may offer you a job that will improve your situation and define your fate.

■ Sorry this is short, but there's a rich woman here. If that's you, then you'll greatly chanfe someone's life. If not, then I believe you'll be greatly assisted.

■ You'll have an upgrade you only dreamed of before.

■ Some friends may be jealous of your success or of the fact you're closer to your dreams.

■ Dude... You'll receive good news NOW! A swift message or rumor of positive evebt reaches your ears and may change your situation for the better in the 1st week of the month.

■ Then, say bye-bye to a man who's been a leach in your life. This person (or situation) has no room in your life, baby. For some people, it's another man who'll enable you or help you transition somehow.

■ You start a new partnership, job, or venture with a powerful person or organization from whom you'll learn a lot.

■ Finally, a sudden new year vacation. Or a lucy trip that leads you yo your destiny.

■ Somehow, in some aspect of your life, you'll find yourself this month.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Pile 4

Ten of Pentacles , Ten of Swords , The Lovers , King of Swords , The Magician■Ring , Whip , Book , House , Stars■Moon in capricorn in the 4th house■Week 1: Ship , Woman , Tree. - PIG: Beware of greed■Week 2: Dog , Clover , Sun. - CLOUDS: Temporary problems.■Week 3: Clover , Ring , Mice. - KANGAROO: Unsettled times. Need to plan ahead.■Week 4: Rider , Fish , Birds. - BARREL: You feel something is lacking in your life. Could be love, money, goals.

■Cards were drawn from the Divination Table

■ There is a restructuring in your home or family or in your close relationships.

■ One thing ends to give way to a new thing that also emerges this month.

■ You meet the right person, finds the right house. There are emotional and actual changes in what you hold close to you.

■ If a family member is cold, too smart, or keeps secrets, and you're bound to them, soon you may no longer be.

■ You're capable of manifesting your dream life. You'll do it. Others may appear to create with you, bit YOU will do it.

■ In the first week you may work with a female family member or older woman. Don't ask for too much money, don't ask for more than what you truly want because she will perceive it if you're asking for more just because you think she/they can pay you.

■ The second week may be slightly annoying with small things that you need to solve, you have some anxiety of how things will turn out. Ultimately, you solve everything you need with the help of your friends!

■ The third week is the one in which you realize who's the shady person or what's been holding you back. You plan on how to deal with it in the future because you realize these people or situations won't change

■ I think you end the month having clarity of what you desire. You pay attention to what others have, but this isn't a toxic nor envious comparison. You may talk about your money goals with friends. You may set your eyes on a new potential love interest.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Apr 2nd

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1. hi!! i think this falls under ITMF: I was wondering if you may know any fics where the people of Gusu/Gusu Lan watched LWJ grow up and so when WWX come to Cloud Recesses, they watch them fall in love. It can be compliant or divergence.

I’m not sure if this is exactly what they were requesting for 1, but the following fics have people realizing that Lan Zhan and Wei Ying like each other and/or feature family members & friends teasing Lan Zhan about liking Wei Ying during the CR arc:

All According to Plan by pupeez4eva (T, 6k, WangXian, Time Travel, Humor, Cloud recess days, Post-Canon)

forces of attraction by bleuett (M, 20k, WangXian, SongXiao, Romantic Comedy, of sorts, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, au where wwx was raised by BSSR, Idiots in Love, Developing Relationship, Accidental Marriage, Sharing a Bed, everyone's gay uncles sl and xxc, secret matchmaker lxc, Fluff, No War AU, Hand Jobs, lwj's fight flight or fuck instincts, the inherent horniness of sword fighting, Happy Ending)

💖 Hoards and treasures by apathyinreverie (T, 21k, WangXian, Siblings, Family, not particularly Jiang friendly, YZY Bashing, slightly darker Gusu Lans, LXC being the best brother, Some manipulation, But with the best of intentions, and not between wangxian, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Smitten LWJ, Fluff, perfect happiness, adorable WWX, Romance, Some worldbuilding, courting)

Just Say Yes Series by edenwolfie (T/M, 338k, WangXian, Matchmaking, Pining, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, POV Alternating, Fluff, First Kiss, Declarations Of Love, Humor, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Good Uncle LQR, Engagement, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It)

Pigtail Pulling by protos_metazu_ison (G, 3k, WangXian, Fluff and Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans)

🔒There’s fire in him (in me) by luckymoonly (M, 9k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, getting together early, No Sunshot Campaign, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Fluff and Smut, Horny Teenagers, Unplanned Pregnancy, Mpreg, Smut (Top LWJ/Bottom WWX), Falling In Love, courting, WWX and NHS are BFF, First Time)

tiny gentians by humancorn (G, 1k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Age Regression/De-Aging, De-Aged WWX, he's like 5, Fluff, Pre-Slash)

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2. Are there any fics where Jiang Cheng actually focuses on Wei Wuxian's mental health and try to help him? That'd be sweet. Please let me and please and thank you😁 @yasssbassss

❤️ For Both Of Us (And Time Is But A Paper Moon) by sami (E, 65k, WangXian, Time Travel, Some People Live/Not Everyone Dies, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Canon Divergence, Asexual JC, First Time, Getting Together, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, [Podfic] Cold read of For Both Of Us (And Time Is But A Paper Moon) by kisahawklin, Для нас обоих (И время лишь бумажная луна) (Russian translation) by nomuad)

I think these might work for 2 (they at least showcase Jiang Cheng’s concern for Wei Ying and helping him as much as he can):

a life without sun by thankgodforpandas (T, 30k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Mutual Pining)

🔒Blur the Edges of Memory by geethr75 (T, 53k, WangXian, JC centric, Good brother JC, Post canon, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, No golden core transfer, Sect Leader WWX, Hopeful Ending, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Heavy Angst, Fluff, Angst with a Hopeful Ending)

if i had the strength by agloeian (M, 16k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Fix-It, somewhat of a case fic, Heaven Official’s Blessing inspired gods & ghosts, No Spoilers for Heaven Official’s Blessing, Mild Alcohol Abuse, Mental Health Issues, WWX is not in a great place for a lot of this fic, He Gets Better Though!, this fic is all about learning to give yourself the help you give others tbh, Baby LJY, recovery fic, Accidental Baby Acquisition)

The Threads of Fate by WaitForTheSnitch (E, 176k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Good Uncle LQR, Protective LWJ, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Pining LWJ, WWX in WWX’s Body, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Oblivious WWX, Siblings JC & WWX, Supportive JYL, Protective NHS, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Comic Book Science)

A Mother's Love by FirefliesNLightningBugs (M, 170k, WangXian, XuanLi, Canon Divergence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Mostly combo of the Untamed and MoDaoZuShi timelines, Unreliable Narrator, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Miscommunication, Family Feels, Found Family, PTSD, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Political Intrigue, Mystery, POV Multiple, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Strong Female Characters, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Good Brother In Law JZX, Genderbent WWX, Intersex WWX, not a/b/o, POV Original Character, Expanded Universe, Unplanned Pregnancy, Golden Core Reveal, WWX Has No Golden Core, Cultivation Sect Politics, Bisexual WWX, YLLZ WWX, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Pining WangXian, Parent-Child Relationship, Getting Together, Protective Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect, MXY Lives) jc focusing in wwx health, "a mother's love" by FirefliesNLightningBugs on ao3 has partial Golden core (and general poor health) reveal post sunshot and jc being an awkward protective supportive bean

~*~

3. Recommend me to some one sided love, like someone like wei wuxian but he's dating lan wangji (vice versa) but they don't break up @lanwuxian0725

~*~

4. For intmf: an emotional hurt/comfort fic where lwj is the one being hurt and getting comforted. I'm totally happy with there also be a physical injury aspect, I just really want a fic where lan zhan's emotions are key. Thanks! @landofvinesandmonoliths

🔒 the anteroom of golden age by everythingispoetry (M, 92k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Disability, Recovery, Mental Health Issues, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Developing Relationship)

🧡 Sustenance of the Soul OR Five Times Lan Wangji Refused to Eat and One Time Wei Wuxian Convinced Him To by InTheGreySpaces (E, 9k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Pining, Eating Disorders, LWJ Has an Eating Disorder, and WWX is going to help him get past it, Inedia, Inedia used in the wrong way, LWJ's 33 Lashes Punishment, referenced as the cause of his eating problems, Submissive LWJ, Sort of?)

A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by hansbekhart (E, 21k, WangXian, Semi-Public Sex, Public Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Anal Sex, Sex in the cold springs, Mutual Pining, Grief/Mourning, Injury Recovery, Ethical Dilemmas, Ethical Edging, Risk Aware Consensual Patience, Edgeplay sort of, Happy Ending, [Podfic] A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by kalakirya)

A Study in Comfort by WeaverOfTheNight (T, 8k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Established Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, no plot just vibes, POV LWJ)

And I Will Call You Home by Spodumene (E, 42k, WangXian, Case Fic, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood, Ghosts, Suicide, Explicit Sexual Content, Attempted Sexual Assault, LWJ whump, Original Character Death(s), [Podfic of] And I Will Call You Home by Spodumene by AuntieIroh)

i don't wanna lose you (hope it never ends) by annemari (T, 20k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Sickfic, Getting Together, [Podfic of] i don't wanna lose you (hope it never ends) by exmanhater)

🔒 Vagabond by xantissa (E, 65k, WangXian, Slow Burn, Mystery, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Frottage, Case Fic, murders, Supernatural, Angst, Fluff, those two are so in love it hurts, Happy Ending, extreme fluff, Hurt/Comfort, badass LXC, Canon-Typical Violence, top LWJ, Bottom LWJ)

what builds a home by Stratisphyre (T, 45k, WangXian, MY & WWX, Canon Divergence, Adopted WWX, POV Multiple, warning for JGS behaving exactly as expected, child endangerment, Brother Feels, Minor Character Death, [Podfic] Cold read of “what builds a home” by Stratisphyre by KeriArentikaiPods (KeriArentikai))

~*~

5. Hello!

Itmf funny modern shapeshift fics 🤗

Thank you!

🔒Attempt the Impawsible by Reverie (cl410) (T, 5k, WangXian, Animal Transformation, Modern with Magic, Fluff and Humor, Established Relationship, nielan, Happy Ending)

🔒💖 blue-ribbon bunny by cicer (G, 15k, wangxian, modern, shapeshifting, supernatural elements, fluff & humor)

The Peanut Butter Jar AU series by ScarlettStorm (E, 76k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Fox WWX, animal rescuer LWJ, Minor pining, major shenanigans, Comedy, Smut, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Adhd WWX, Blowjobs, Frottage, switch rights, Scent Kink, mildly telepathic sex, courtship via kittens, Pacific Northwest setting, Established Relationship, not just fox wwx but also foxboy wwx, petting, both platonic and sexual, Scent Kink, mildly telepathic sex, Blowjobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Sex Toys, Some A/B/O Dynamics, but in a non a/b/o world, No mpreg, yes self-lubrication, switch rights, Emotional Hurt/Comfort)

Playing Possum by DizziDreams (T, 1k, WangXian, Modern AU, Crack, animal shifter wwx)

stray cat strut by ScarlettStorm (E, 54k, WangXian, No War AU, the world’s least mysterious casefic, Cat WWX, followed by catboy WWX, Comedy, Shenanigans, comedy shenanigans, Slow Burn, a disgusting amount of magically necessary forehead smooches, switch rights)

What a Difference a Ray Makes by miffmiff, Yoo_im_finally_writing (T, 7k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, WWX is a Little Shit, JC is So Done, LWJ Suffers in Aquatic Silence, involuntary animal transformation, Biology Inaccuracies, Cursed LWJ, Ridiculous Bonding Rituals, also dragon shapeshifters exist in this AU, wildly alternating povs, Attempt at Humor, Crack)

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6. Hello!!! Just saw a fanart by benevolenterrancy were wwx teases lwj about getting a kiss and them being dumbfounded at actually being kissed and am now Yearning for a fic like that, please 🙏 (I would love if it was canon setting/pre-relationship but honestly anything with the same premise would be great) @pinsluke

pale shadows of forgotten names by Chrononautical (T, 56k, wangxian, Madam Lán Lives, Madam Lán Deserves Better, Good Sibling LXC, Badass LXC, He gets there in the end it just takes a while, Not particularly JGY friendly, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Canon-Typical Behavior, Unresolved Sexual Tension, the universal fear of growing up to become one of your parents, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives AU, Except WN but he’s very polite, Arranged Marriage, Forced Marriage, Imprisonment, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, not between wangxian, Drunk LWJ, to lighten the mood, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Traumatized WWX, though he will not admit it, Taking time to heal, canon-typical communication skills) Wei Ying teases Lan Zhan into kissing him after their arranged marriage in the first chapter of pale shadows of forgotten names but Wei Ying laughs off the kiss so I’m not sure if that’s quite what they are looking for.

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7. itmf a fic about a glow up of some sort, can be canon or any other AU! can be either lwj or wwx glowing up

From the Warm Sun by sunshine_sparrow (T, 58k, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Discussion of Rape, Period-Typical Sexism, Mostly CQL but probably some MDZS too, CSSR Lives, Madam Lan Lives, Qingheng-jun Lives, But WCZ Still Dies, Fix-It, Happy Ending, All Soft and Very Little Angst, the wens live, Baoshan-sanren is a Badass, Cangse-sanre is a Badass, Good Person MY, Good Person LQR) There is a gap and then WY returns to cr

For 7 There was a fic where WY saw lz after a certain period of absence and lz was on a motorbike and was trying to impress WY. He even saved him from assault and gave a lift from Caiyi. There were additional details when fighting wens who captured dragons etc Sorry, can't give the exact name or link. But that was definitely a glow up

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (M, 290k, WangXian, Humor, Slow Burn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Long-Distance Relationship, Epistolary, Love Letters, Family Feels, a-qing lives, teenage romance, Adoption, Romantic Comedy, Happy Ending, Weddings, Case Fic, Parenthood, Politics) twelve moons and a fortnight has a glow up moment on ao3. Also if I remember right rise of divine oracle by blak salt (ffnet & ao3) also has it, tho first rec has a more specific 'get glam'd up for an event' sequence

Rise of the Divine Oracle by BlakSalt (T, 291k, WangXian, Boy Love, Hurt/Comfort, Romance)

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8. I have a weird request for a fic so I've been rewatching winx club so do you know any fic where there's a crossover between winx club and MDZS

Your love gives me Wings by SaiaiSaiko (M, 27k, WangXian, WWX Lives, MXY Lives, Winx Club Fusion, Enchantix Form, Sirenix From Winx Club, Believix From Winx Club, Fairy WWX, Witch WWX, Curses, Bad Health through Curses, Spiritual Tools are Pixies, Accelerated Aging, older looking WWX, Fairy NHS, BAMF WWX, BAMF NHS, WWX in WWX’s Body, JZX Lives, NMJ Lives, JYL Lives, The following tags contain spoilers, Evil JGS, Trans MXY, Self-Discovery, Misgendering, Victim JGY, Curse Breaking)

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9. First off thank you for everything you do ♥️ y'all out here doing the lords work 🥲🙏 this is my first itmf request since I found this blog hehe but anyways: looking for fics where lan zhan first kisses wei ying under the tree scene but wei ying actually uncovers his eyes and things unravel from there? 🤭 the more explicit the better but down for any rating. No modern settings pls and thank you ♥️ @queenofangts

Stolen kisses, shy maidens by naqaashi (E, 5k, WangXian, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Happy Ending, Top LWJ/Bottom WWX, Phoenix Mountain Night Hunt Competition, Multiple Orgasms, Overstimulation, Soft WangXian, Minor XuanLi, Awkward JZX, JZX Tries, Supportive JYL, Good Sibling JYL, Fluff and Humor, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Mutual Pining, Resolved Sexual Tension, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, YLLZ WWX, WWX's Dubiously Self-Lubricating Asshole, Marathon Sex, First Kiss, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Semi-Public Sex, Outdoor Sex, WangXian in Love, Porn with Feelings, PWP, Maybe A Little Plot, Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, BAMF JYL)

Within a forest dark by danegen (E, 12k, WangXian, Dubious Consent, Phoenix Mountain Night Hunt Competition, post-Burial Mounds trauma, wwx's cnc kink, only dub con at the beginning)

Wei Ying doesn’t uncover his eyes during the kiss but learns soon after that Lan Zhan was the one who kissed him in Advisable Lan rules and other shenanigans, Nonsense does the trick, the breaking of your soul (upon my lips), There’s A Molester On The Loose At Phoenix Mountain!!, & To see with eyes unclouded

💖🔒Advisable Lan rules and other shenanigans by apathyinreverie (G, 4k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, JC & WWX, Canon Divergence, fix-it, humor, drunk LWJ, smitten LWJ, soft WWX, possessive LWJ, gusu lan rules, drunk shenanigans, fluff)  

Nonsense Does the Trick by septune (E, 4k, WangXian, Dubious Consent, Consensual Sex, Praise Kink, if u squint, PWP, emotional smut, Spit As Lube, Getting Together, Fix-It of Sorts, First Time, Light Dom/sub)

the breaking of your soul (upon my lips) by sunsandships (M, 40k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Mutual Pining, Canon-Typical Violence, Golden Core Reveal, Happy Ending)

There’s A Molester On The Loose At Phoenix Mountain!! by sweetlolixo (G, 3k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Humor, Crack, Fluff, Romance, Wangxian happy ending)

To see with eyes unclouded by Mianlong (M, 34k, WIP, WangXian, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Sad LWJ, Sad WWX, Fix-It of Sorts, Everybody Lives, Yunmeng Siblings Feels, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Anxiety, POV Multiple, Depression, WWX Has ADHD, Autistic LWJ, YZY Bashing, JFM Bashing, Bad Parents JFM and YZY, Good Uncle LQR, Twin Jades of Lan Dynamics, Implied Mpreg, Slow Burn)

Not While by You, I Stand and Hum by StitchNLich (GallifreyanAtHearts) (E, 37k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Arranged Marriage, Golden Core Reveal, Emotional Constipation, Getting Together, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Fix-It)

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10. For itmf, id love fics where lqr finds out that lwj is the shameless freak and wei ying is the more innocent one please! @stormblessed95

🔒Something is wrong with A-Zhan! by HeloSoph (M, 15k, WangXian, NieLan, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Sort Of, Dark LWJ Morally Gray WWX, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiangs, WWX is a Lan, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, JC Bashing, Smitten LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Engaged WangXian, Blood and Violence, Shameless LWJ, Good Uncle LQR, Semi-Public Sex, or at least wangxian's version of it Scheming NHS, POV NHS)

Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake (E, 283k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Abusive YZY, Canonical Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (Background Character), Background Character Deaths, child deaths, Canon JC, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cultivation Sect Politics, Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Oblivious) Lan Qiren walks in on Lan Zhan having sex with Wei Ying in chapter 45

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11. do you know any fics like a home under construction by cheekybrunette, where sizhui feels like his relationship with lwj and/or wwx will change following wwx coming back from the dead?

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12. Hey I’m itmf bratty/whiny/clingy Wei Ying and Lan Zhan taking care of him @mxiwpno

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13. I'm in the mood for monster!wangxian in the same flavor as Buried in the Sky, Hallowed by thy Depths by themunchking and Phantom Leashes by mondengel ^^

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14. hiii any fics where wwx goes back to gusu with lwj in his first life? @ashxi-wx

gone with the silence by SpeedingCheetah (M, 63k, WangXian, LSZ & WWX & LWJ, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Self-Harm, Major Character Injury, Injury Recovery, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, POV LWJ, WangXian-centric, Golden Core Reveal, Post-Sunshot Campaign, WangXian Adopt LSZ, Ambiguous/Open Ending, a sorta-kinda-maybe fix it story, WWX Goes to Gusu, triggers are in the notes)

no way back, no way home by via_the_cryptid (T, 4k, WIP, WangXian, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Hurt WWX, LWJ is So Whipped, Protective LWJ, Soft WangXian, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort Breaking of Gusu Lan Sect Rules, Golden Core Reveal, Wen Remnants Live, Canon Divergence Canon - Modao Zushi & The Untamed Combination)

🔒Swordless by WithBroomBefore (G, 32k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal, Crying, Feelings, Trans Character, AFAB LWJ, Kissing, POV WWX)

Red Flower With One Hundred Petals; Smoke Carried on the Blue Dusk Air by carolyncaves (T, 32k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Alcohol, Mental Health Issues, Angst, Tenderness, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, thoughts of death/dying, Rabbits, Caretaking, Marriage Proposal, Wedding Fluff, Family Feels, Literal Sleeping Together, Shotgun Wedding, angry wedding planner JC, Yunmeng sibling drama and fluff, physical affection, Terrible Parties, Happy Ending)

❤️ a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 180k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, arranged marriage)

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15. Hi, I hope you guys are doing well💓 is there any fic where LWJ is the commoner? Like simply ordinary people or rogue cultivator and WWX is the one with higher status. It will be amazing if the plot have the conflict between WWX family who don't agree with their relationship. Any dynamic/ background is okay, thank you in advance! @yourslwj

Turn Left by kianspo (M, 204k, WangXian, NieLan, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Lovers, eventually, references to child sexual abuse, not main characters, Neurodivergent LWJ, Slow Build, Lán Family Feels, specifically, Twin Jades of Lán Feels, lwj-centric, Twin Jades of Lán Dynamics, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies) Lan Zhan grew up outside of Gusu Lan and became rogue cultivator and then met Wei Ying. There is some conflict from WWX family regarding Lan Zhan (he is technically Lan, but was kidnapped as child and doesn't know his family and vice versa)

travelers through the empty gate by stiltonbasket (M, 112k, WangXian, royalty au, mistaken identity, emperor WWX, poor LWJ, forced marriage, (by LWJ himself), confused WWX, parenthood, misunderstandings, empress LWJ, fluff & humor, married life, angst w/ happy ending, WIP)These don’t feature Wei Ying’s family looking down on Lan Zhan but I think otherwise fit: Turn Left and travelers through the empty gate

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16. Hey for itmf,

Any fics where wangxian are married (arranged or something else) and lwj is really cold towards wwx (at least at the beginning?)

🔒 Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gusu Lan Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, [Coldread of] Concord by Deastar by AuntieIroh)

我的皇后是農民 | sowing seeds in the cold palace by sweetlolixo (E, 84k, WangXian, Imperial Palace, Emperor LWJ, Imperial Consort WWX, Farmer WWX, Angst, Romance, Wingman LJY, Wife-chasing-LWJ, Arranged Marriage, Best Boy A-Yuan)

True Gold Fears No Fire by defractum (nyargles) (M, 82k, WangXian, Royalty AU, Ancient China, Wuxia, Historical Inaccuracy, Arranged Marriage, Identity Porn, Mutual Pining, Emperor!LWJ, empress!wwx, Eventual Happy Ending, Misunderstandings)

How You Would Let Me Have You by longleggedgit (E, 15k, WangXian, XiQing, Arranged Marriage, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, First Time, The LXC/WQ is a "mutual beards" situation just FTR)

Mourning Robes by Starlight1395 (T, 17k, WangXian, No Sunshot Campaign, Arranged Marriage AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Depression, dissociating, Mild Blood, Fluff, juniors idolizing WWX like he deserves, slowburn between WWX and Cloud Recesses, Hinted smut, Jingyi has a CRUSH, Supportive JC)

the river and the sea by sasamelons (T, 7k, WangXian, Soulmates AU, Arranged Marriage, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Falling In Love, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Mutual Pining)

permissive presumption by sarahyyy (G, 7k, WangXian, Royalty AU, Arranged Marriage, Pining, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings)

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17. Hi! Do you have a recommendation of modern au where Wei wuxian or lan wangji sees a painting of one another and feels close and doesn't know why. Please it's so good @lanwuxian0725

'Till We Meet Again by Alwritey87 (T, 9k, WangXian, JC & WWX, JC & LWJ, Major Character Death, Soulmates, Modern Reincarnation, Immortals, Ghost WWX, Scholar LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Good Sibling JC, JC is tired of WangXian not getting their shit together, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, based of the Hua Zhong Xian, LWJ is a history nerd, Soft JC, JC & LWJ Dislike Each Other, (friendly rivalry), WWX is not resurrected)

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[ch0llies]

KISS IT BETTER | CHRISTOPHER STURNIOLO

oneshot - toxic!reader x toxic!chris

You and Chris have been trapped in a cycle for years. Fighting, breaking, making up, and doing it all over again. Every time you swear it’s the last, every time you tell yourself you’re done, he finds his way back to you and kisses it better.

story warnings: oral smut (fem receiving), fighting, pet names (ma, mama, baby), angst, toxic relationship (teetering on the edge of abusive), If any of these topics upset you...don't read!

word count: 5k

“Fuck you, Chris!”

The plate leaves your hand before you fully realize what you’re doing, shattering against the kitchen wall, ceramic shards exploding like fireworks. Your chest is heaving, your hands trembling, but it’s not fear that fuels you. It’s fury. It’s exhaustion. It’s the same goddamn argument, the same back-and-forth that neither of you knows how to stop.

Chris ducks just in time, eyes wild with rage. “Fucking leave then!” he yells, voice hoarse from all the screaming, all the wasted words. “Get out! No one’s stopping you.”

The laugh that rips from your throat is sharp and humorless. “Me?” You throw your arms out, gesturing around the apartment, the place where every fight, every reconciliation, every tangled mess of love and hate has played out. “This is my fucking apartment. You get out. You miserable, useless piece of shit- get out!”

You reach for another plate, yanking it from the open dishwasher, but he’s faster this time. His hands close around your wrist, rough and unyielding. “You crazy bitch,” he growls, shaking your arm until the plate slips from your grip, clattering to the floor.

Your breath is ragged. His is worse. For a second, neither of you move.

His grip tightens for a beat too long before he lets go, shoving your wrist away like even touching you is infuriating. You rip your arm back, rubbing the spot where his fingers left their mark, your pulse thrumming beneath your skin.

Chris runs a hand through his hair, pacing the small kitchen like he’s trying to hold himself together. You can see it in the way his chest rises and falls, in the way his fingers flex like he wants to punch a hole in the wall. But he won’t. Not yet.

“You’re fucking insane,” he spits, shaking his head. “No wonder everyone leaves you.”

The words slice deep, but you don’t let them show. Instead, you smile. “Oh, everyone?” You tilt your head, voice saccharine. “Guess that makes you an idiot for still being here, huh?”

His eyes flash, and you know you’ve hit the mark. He hates when you do that. When you turn the knife back on him, make him feel like the fool for always coming back.

Because he does.

No matter how many times you fight, no matter how many times you scream and throw things and tell each other that this is it, that this is the last time, you know he’ll be back.

Even if he walks out that door right now, he’ll be back.

Maybe it’ll be tomorrow. Maybe it’ll be a week from now, when the silence becomes unbearable, when the ache of missing each other outweighs the resentment. Maybe it’ll be two in the morning, when you’re both drunk and angry and lonely, and he calls, and you answer, and suddenly you’re in your bed again, pretending you don’t know how it always ends.

You do know.

But knowing doesn’t stop you.

“Fuck this,” Chris mutters under his breath, storming past you, shoulder bumping yours as he moves toward the door.

And for some reason maybe out of spite, maybe out of habit, maybe just because you need him to hurt the way he hurts you, you push him again.

“That’s right, run away,” you taunt, voice dripping with mockery. “Just like you always do.”

He stops.

Slowly, he turns, and when his eyes meet yours, there’s something dangerous in them. Not physical. Chris has never hurt you like that. No, his violence is different. His is in the way he knows exactly what to say to tear you down.

“You act like I’m the only one who leaves,” he says, voice low, steady. “But tell me, where the fuck were you last week when I needed you?”

Your stomach clenches. “That’s different,” you snap.

Chris lets out a sharp laugh. “Right. Of course it is. Because when you do it, it’s different. When you disappear, it’s justified. But when I do it, I’m the fucking asshole.”

You cross your arms over your chest, jaw tight. “You are the fucking asshole.”

His lips curl into something that isn’t quite a smile. “Yeah? And what does that make you?”

You don’t answer. Because you know.

You’re just as bad as he is. Maybe worse. Because you’re the one who keeps letting him back in. You’re the one who keeps answering the phone, who keeps opening the door, who keeps pretending that this time, it’ll be different.

It never is.

Chris exhales, dragging a hand down his face. He looks at you, really looks at you, and for a split second, there’s something softer beneath all the anger.

But softness is dangerous. Softness means giving in.

So you glare at him, at his stupid freckled face, at the stupid bags under his blue eyes, at the stupid mess of his brown hair. You hate him. You love him. You don’t know where one feeling ends and the other begins.

“Don’t come back,” you say. It’s a lie. He knows it.

Chris studies you for a moment longer, something unreadable flickering across his expression. And then he turns, yanking the door open and slamming it shut behind him.

The silence that follows is deafening.

Your hands are shaking. Your pulse is racing.

You sink onto the kitchen floor, surrounded by shattered pieces of the life you swore you’d never let yourself fall into.

It’s no surprise that hours later as the sun is setting, and the world is going quiet that your phone buzzes. It was like clockwork.

You stare at it, the screen glowing in the dim light of the kitchen. You should ignore it.

But you don’t. You never do. You never have.

The first time you fought, it was over something stupid. It was years ago and you were drunk at a party, slurring your words as you accused him of something you don’t even remember now. Some girl. Some look he gave her. Something that, in the grand scheme of things, didn’t matter at all. But in the moment, it felt like the end of the world.

He had laughed, sharp and bitter, running a hand through his hair as he glared at you across the room. “You’re fucking insane, you know that?”

You had shoved him, not hard, just enough to make him stumble back a step.

You hated him then. You hated the way he could make you feel so small with just a few words. Hated the way his anger was never loud, never reckless. It was always just controlled enough to make you feel like you were the problem.

And yet, later that night, you ended up in his bed. Your arms around his neck, his lips on your throat, moaning each other's names, both of you desperate to take back every cruel word without actually saying sorry.

That was how it always went.

Your phone buzzes again.

You don’t pick it up right away. Instead, you stare at the shattered plate on the floor, at the tiny fractures in the tile where it hit. At the reflection of yourself in the broken pieces.

You don’t even recognize yourself anymore.

With a shaky breath, you reach for the phone.

You answer, pressing it to your ear without a word.

His breathing is heavy on the other end.

“Open the door,” he says.

Your eyes flicker to the door. Your fingers tighten around the phone.

“No.”

Chris exhales sharply. “Ma.” His voice is softer now. Worn out. Tired. “Don’t do this.”

You swallow hard. “You slammed the door first.”

“You told me to.”

You don’t have a response to that.

Because you did tell him to. You tell him to leave every time. And every time, he comes back.a

Just like you knew he would.

The fights got worse as the years went on.

They stopped being about stupid things like parties and jealousy and miscommunication. They became bigger. Real.

Chris had walked into the apartment one night, the smell of whiskey clinging to his clothes, his knuckles split open. You were already waiting, sitting on the couch with your arms crossed over your chest.

“You were supposed to pick me up,” you said flatly.

He had exhaled, running a tired hand over his face. “I got caught up.”

You stood up, shaking your head. “You forgot.”

“It’s not a big fucking deal, Y/N.”

You had laughed then, cold and bitter. “Right. Not a big deal. Just like every other time you’ve blown me off.”

Chris had rubbed his temples, exasperated. “Jesus Christ, are we really doing this right now?”

You had shoved him then, harder than before, enough to make him stumble back. “Yes, we’re doing this right now. Because this keeps happening, and you never fucking care.”

His jaw tightened. “I’m here now.”

And that was what made you snap. “Yeah, and that’s the fucking problem. You only show up when it’s too late.”

He had left that night. Slamming the door so hard the walls shook. You told yourself you wouldn’t let him back in. You swore, this time, you meant it.

And yet, a day later, he was at your door, his pretty eyes wet and tired, his voice rough. “I’m sorry.”

And, like always, that was enough.

You unlock the door and go back to sitting down in the kitchen.

Chris doesn’t come in right away. He hesitates in the doorway, looking at you on the floor, surrounded by the wreckage of your latest disaster.

He steps over the broken pieces and crouches in front of you.

His hands find your knees. “You okay?”

You huff out a laugh. “Are you fucking serious?”

Chris sighs, dragging a hand down his face. “I hate this,” he mutters. “I hate fighting with you.”

You scoff. “Then stop.”

He looks at you. Like really looks at you, like he’s trying to find something in your expression that he lost a long time ago.

His fingers brush your cheek. “Where were you last week?”

Your stomach clenches.

You shake your head. “Chris…”

“No.” His jaw tightens. “I needed you. And you weren’t fucking there.”

You close your eyes. Because you know. You know.

You had ignored his calls, turned your phone on silent, locked yourself in your apartment and pretended you didn’t hear him knocking and banging and nearly kicking down the door.

Because you were exhausted. Because you were sick of being the one who always stayed. Because you wanted to know if he’d break without you. He did.

And when you finally answered, two days later, his voice was cold but so sad. “Don’t ever fucking do that again.”

You remember the way your chest had ached at the sound of it. The way you had opened your mouth to apologize, but the words never came.

Now, he’s looking at you like that again. Like he’s still waiting for an answer.

You don’t have one.

Chris exhales, pressing his forehead against your knee. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

Something in your chest tightens. Because neither do you. But you both know you will.

So you let him pull you into his arms, let him kiss the top of your head, let him whisper all the things you need to hear.

It had been a month.

Somehow, against all odds, things had actually been good.

After that last fight, after the broken plates and slammed doors and the inevitable collapse into each other’s arms, you both seemed to tread more carefully. There were fewer arguments, fewer nights spent staring at the ceiling wondering when the next disaster would hit.

Chris started coming home earlier. He made dinner for you sometimes, even if it was just burnt pasta. You stopped ignoring his calls. You let yourself believe, just for a little while, that maybe things were different this time.

And then came Boston.

Chris had been excited to take you home, to visit his parents, to spend time with his brothers. “They love you and miss you so much,” he had said, fingers threading through yours. “I just want them to see how good we’re doing.”

And for the first few hours, you were good.

His mom hugged you tight. His dad cracked jokes that made you laugh. Matt and Nick filled the house with their usual chaos, and for a little while, you let yourself forget about the way things used to be.

Until she walked in.

Madisyn.

His ex from high school. The one you had never met, the one he never really talked about, but the one whose name had always felt like a ghost in the back of your mind.

She looked good. You hated that she looked good.

“Oh my god,” she said, smiling wide as she wrapped her arms around Chris like she still belonged there. “It’s been forever.”

You didn’t move.

Chris laughed, squeezing her back before stepping away. “Yeah, it feels like forever, hasn’t it?”

You stared at them.

You hated that he hadn’t told you she’d be here. You hated the way she said his name like she still knew him.

But you didn’t say anything.

You just went quiet.

Chris noticed.

At dinner, after Madisyn left, when everyone was laughing, when you were talking to his parents and brothers but barely even looking at him, he noticed.

“Ma,” he murmured under his breath at one point, nudging you. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” you said.

Except it wasn’t nothing. Because when you talked to his mom, your voice was warm and full of life. When you joked with Nick and Matt, you were animated and laughing.

But with him?

Cold. Quiet. Distant.

And it was driving him crazy.

At one point, his hand found your thigh under the table, squeezing in warning. “Perk up,” he muttered. “You’re being weird.”

That made you seethe. You had every reason to be pissed, and he wanted you to just sit there and smile and pretend everything was fine?

So you ignored him. You smiled at his mom, at his dad, at his brothers. You talked to everyone but him.

And by the time you got in the car to drive home, the air was suffocating.

The second the doors shut, it exploded.

“What the fuck was that!?” Chris snapped, slamming his hands on the steering wheel before peeling out of the driveway way too fast.

You didn’t even look at him. “Don’t start.”

“Oh, I’m starting.” His voice was sharp, furious. “You gave me the cold shoulder all fucking night, and for what?”

You scoffed, staring out the window. “Are you seriously that fucking dense?”

Chris let out a sharp laugh, shaking his head. “Jesus Christ. Are you jealous right now?”

That made you snap. “Oh, fuck you, Chris.”

He barked out another laugh, gripping the wheel tight. “No, seriously. You’re pissed because Madisyn was there? That’s insane.”

Your hands curled into fists. “I’m pissed because you knew she was gonna be there and didn’t fucking tell me. I’m pissed because you spent all night pretending like I was the one acting crazy instead of acknowledging that maybe just maybe you should’ve fucking prepared me for that.”

Chris gritted his teeth. “I didn’t know she was gonna be there.”

You turned, finally looking at him, eyes burning with rage. “You think I fucking believe that? You weren’t even surprised to see her? Have you been seeing her??”

Chris’s grip on the wheel tightened. “You know what? I don’t fucking care if you believe it or not. You embarrassed me tonight.”

Your mouth fell open. “I embarrassed you?”

“Yes! You were so fucking weird the entire night! My parents asked me if we were fighting. You made it so fucking obvious that something was wrong, and you just, what? You thought that was fine?”

You laughed, sharp and cruel. “Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t perform for you, Chris. I’m so sorry I wasn’t your perfect little girlfriend, smiling and nodding and pretending like everything was fine.”

Chris’s jaw locked. “You were being a fucking brat.”

That did it. Without thinking, without processing, your hand shot out, grabbing the wheel and yanking it to the right.

The car swerved, jerking hard toward the shoulder, and Chris yelled, his hands fighting for control as he slammed on the brakes.

The car skidded to a stop. Silence. You were both breathing hard. Your heart was pounding. You were lucky you were the only ones on the road.

Chris turned to you, furious. “What the fuck is wrong with you!?!”

You yanked at the door handle, trying to get out, trying to escape the fire burning between you. But it didn’t budge. You tried again. And again.

Chris had child-locked the doors.

You turned, eyes wild. “Unlock the fucking car.”

“No.” His voice was low, dangerous. “Not until you calm the fuck down.”

You pounded a fist against the window. “Chris, I swear to God-”

“No.” His voice was sharp, commanding. “You’re fucking insane, you know that?”

Your vision blurred with rage. “And you’re a fucking liar.”

Chris laughed again, bitter and cruel. “This is why we don’t work. This is exactly why. Because no matter what I do, no matter how much I try, you always find a way to turn me into the fucking villain.”

You ripped at the seatbelt, breathing hard. “Unlock the car.”

Chris leaned back, running a hand through his hair. He exhaled through his nose, gripping the wheel so tight his knuckles turned white.

And then he whispered, “I don’t even fucking like you anymore.”

It felt like a slap. Your whole body tensed.

Chris swallowed, rubbing his hands over his face, like he wanted to take it back, like he knew how much that would hurt.

But the damage was already done.

You turned away, staring out the window, blinking back tears.

Chris’s grip on the wheel tightened so hard you thought he might snap it in half. And then-

BANG.

His fist slammed against it with a force so violent that the entire car jolted. You flinched, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t look at you. Just let out a sharp breath through his nose, nostrils flaring, jaw locked so tight you swore his teeth might break.

And then he sped off.

The tires screeched as he veered back onto the road, the speedometer climbing. The tension between you was suffocating, thick with regret, anger, and something else. Something even worse.

He had said it. He had fucking said it. “I don’t even fucking like you anymore.” And he hadn’t taken it back.

Neither of you spoke the whole drive home.

The only sounds were the engine, the wind against the windows, and the occasional sharp inhale from you, trying to keep yourself from falling apart completely.

Chris never reached for your hand. Never tried to fix it.

The car pulled into the parking lot of your apartment, jerking to a stop.

Chris didn’t turn off the ignition right away. His hands stayed on the wheel, fingers gripping and flexing like he was still holding onto something he had already lost.

You stared straight ahead, your eyes burning, your hands clenched into fists in your lap.

Seconds passed.

And then-

Click.

He unlocked the doors.

The moment you heard it, you bolted.

The door flew open, and you were out, your sneakers pounding against the pavement as you sprinted toward the apartment entrance.

You knew what he had just done. You knew that saying those words out loud had fucking wrecked him, but you didn’t care about how he felt.

You didn’t care because he had let it happen. Because he had looked you in the eye and said something he could never take back.

And now, you were going to lock him out.

Just like you had that night last week. Just like you had done before, hoping and praying that maybe this time, he’d take the fucking hint and leave.

But Chris wasn’t stupid. He knew what you were about to do.

You heard his car door slam, the sound of his footsteps against the pavement as he chased after you.

You reached the door first, hands fumbling with the keys, but he was right there, his body closing in on yours as you shoved the key into the lock.

Just as you pushed the door shut, his hand slammed against it, shoving it back open.

You shoved with everything you had, every ounce of rage and heartbreak fueling you, but Chris was stronger.

You knew he was stronger.

And it fucking killed you.

He pushed forward, the door flying open as he stepped inside and slammed it behind him, chest rising and falling with ragged breaths.

You snapped. Your hands fisted in his shirt, and before you even realized what you were doing, you swung.

Your fists hit his chest, one after the other, a furious, broken rhythm of rage and despair.

“You! fucking! asshole!”

Chris just stood there.

He didn’t stop you.

Didn’t flinch.

Didn’t grab your wrists or shove you away.

He just took it.

Your punches weren’t hard enough to hurt him, but they were hard enough to shake through your whole body. Your vision blurred, your breaths came in sharp, uneven gasps.

And then the tears came.

You hated him. You loved him. You hated that you loved him. You didn’t know where one feeling ended and the other began.

Chris swallowed, his hands twitching at his sides, like he wanted to touch you, to pull you into his chest, to fix this.

Your fists slowed, the fight draining out of you, leaving nothing but exhaustion and grief in its wake.

Your sobs were wrecked, broken, gasping for air between every sharp breath. “You can’t-” Your voice cracked. “You can’t just fucking say shit like that and then sit here and act like-”

You couldn’t even finish. The words got stuck in your throat, tangled with every time he had ever left, every time you had ever let him back in.

Your legs felt weak, unsteady beneath you, like the fight had taken too much, left you with nothing but trembling limbs and a heart that couldn’t take any more.

And then it happened.

Your body just gave in.

One second, you were standing, hitting, shaking with rage and crying.

The next, you were collapsing into him, sobbing so hard you could barely breathe.

Chris caught you instantly, arms wrapping around you without hesitation. His hold was tight, solid, like he was the only thing keeping you from falling apart completely.

And maybe he was. Maybe he always had been.

Your hands fisted into his hoodie, your forehead pressing against his chest as the sobs wracked through you. “Take it back,” you whispered, voice shattered. “Take it the fuck back.”

Chris sucked in a sharp breath, his fingers pressing into your back, his grip almost desperate.

“Baby,” he murmured, his voice rough, full of something wrecked, something you weren’t sure you wanted to name. “I didn’t mean it. You know I didn’t mean it.”

But it didn’t matter. Because he had said it.

And that meant, for at least one second, maybe longer, he had felt it.

You shook your head against his chest, gripping his hoodie tighter, like you could force him to undo it, to erase the moment completely.

“Just-” Your voice broke. “Just take it on back.”

Chris exhaled sharply, his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head, his fingers threading into your hair. “I swear to god, I take it back.”

“Do what you gotta do,” you whispered against him, your voice barely there. “Just- just fucking fix this.”

Chris held you tighter, like he could pull you into his chest and keep you there forever. “I don’t know how.” His voice cracked, something rare, something raw. “Tell me how.”

You didn’t have an answer.

Because if there was a way to fix this, you would have found it by now.

All you could do was cling to him, feel his breath against your temple, his heartbeat slamming against his ribs.

He was just holding you, letting it happen, letting you sob against his chest like he knew he deserved it.

But it wasn’t enough. His arms around you weren’t enough, his whispered apologies weren’t enough, the way he was pressing his forehead to yours like he could will this all away wasn’t enough.

It still hurt. It hurt inside when you looked at him, when you saw the guilt in his eyes, when you knew that no matter how much you hated him for saying it, a part of you believed it.

That was the worst part. That little voice in the back of your head that whispered what if?

What if he meant it? What if he didn’t like you anymore? What if all of this, every fight, every bruise left on your hearts, every time you clawed your way back to each other was just stalling the inevitable?

Chris cupped your face, his thumbs brushing away the tears that wouldn’t stop coming, his eyes dark, desperate. “Baby,” he whispered. “Tell me what you need.”

You let out a sharp, shaking breath, gripping onto him like he was the only thing keeping you from falling apart completely. “What are you willing to do?”

His whole body tensed. He knew what you meant.

His lips parted like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out.

Because what was he willing to do?

Was he willing to stop fighting? Was he willing to fix this, to finally choose something that wasn’t self-destruction wrapped in a love story?

Or was he just willing to do the same thing you always did?

Fix it the only way you knew how.

Chris’s fingers traced down your jaw, then lower, ghosting over your throat, down to your collarbone. “Let me fix it,” he murmured.

Your breath hitched.

This was how it always went.

“Chris,” you whispered.

“I got you, ma,” he breathed, his lips brushing against your temple, then your cheek, then lower. “Let me kiss it better.”

It wasn’t real. You knew it wasn’t real. But fuck, you needed it.

You tilted your chin up, letting him press his lips to yours, slow at first, hesitant, like he was waiting for you to pull away.

You didn’t.

Chris deepened the kiss, his hands sliding down your back, pulling you flush against him. The tension between you hadn’t disappeared, it had just shifted, turning into something equally as dangerous, equally as intoxicating.

You were both still burning. But this time, you were burning together.

Chris hoisted you up effortlessly, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you through the dark apartment.

Your lips never left his.

The backs of your knees hit the mattress, and then you were sinking down into it, pulling him with you, his weight pressing you into the sheets.

Within minutes his lips were everywhere.

On your mouth, your jaw, your throat. Pressing into every inch of skin like he could rewrite the last hour, like he could erase everything he had said and replace it with something softer, something sweeter.

His hands trembled as they slid over your body, gripping you like he was afraid you might slip through his fingers. Like he was terrified of losing you.

“I didn’t mean it,” he whispered against your collarbone, voice rough, wrecked. “I swear to fucking God, mama, I didn’t mean it.”

Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, forcing him to keep going, to keep proving it. Because words meant nothing in this cycle you’d built.

But this. This you could believe in.

His lips moved lower, his hands slipping under your shirt, skimming over bare skin like it was something holy. “I like you,” he breathed, dragging his mouth back up to your jaw. “I fucking love you.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, turning your face away. “Don’t.”

Chris pulled back slightly, his breath heavy, his forehead pressing into yours. “I do,” he insisted. “You know I do.”

And you did know. But it didn’t change the fact that he had said it. That he had looked you in the eye and let the words leave his mouth in the first place.

Chris kissed you again, harder this time, his body pressing you deeper into the mattress. “I’m sorry,” he murmured between kisses. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

You let out a shaky breath, fingers digging into his shoulders. “You always are.”

His lips dragged over your pulse point, sucking just hard enough to make you gasp. “And I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.”

That was the problem. You did believe him. Every single time, you believed him.

And that was why you were still here, tangled in him, letting him worship you with his hands, with his mouth, with every breath he had left.

He knew exactly how to undo you.

His hands slipped lower, gripping your thighs, pressing kisses down your stomach. “My poor hurting baby,” he murmured, his breath warm against your skin as he looked you in your eyes. “I know it hurts inside. I fucking feel it.”

You bit your lip, staring up at the ceiling, willing yourself to hold on to the anger, to the hurt. But Chris was so good at making it disappear. So good at making you forget.

His hands slid up your legs, slow, reverent, fingers brushing over every place he had ever touched before. Like he was trying to carve himself into your skin.

Chris kissed his way back up your body, mouth tracing over your ribcage, your throat, your jaw. “I’ll do anything,” he whispered, his lips ghosting over yours. “Tell me what you need, ma. I’ll fucking do it.”

You knew that wasn’t true.

You knew that in a few days, maybe a few weeks, you’d be back here again. Shattered, screaming, tearing each other apart just to put the pieces back together.

But right now, it felt true. Right now, it was enough.

So you pulled him closer, legs tightening around his waist, nails digging into his back.

Chris’s hands were shaking as they pulled at your shirt, his fingers desperate, reverent- like he wasn’t just undressing you, but unraveling you. Like peeling away the layers of fabric would somehow undo the damage he had done.

His lips followed every movement, trailing soft, worshipful kisses down your body, as if he could replace every bruise on your heart with the heat of his mouth when he took your pants.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against your skin, voice rough with desperation. “I don’t deserve you.”

You wanted to tell him he was right.

You wanted to tell him that sorry wasn’t enough.

But then his mouth was lower, his hands pressing your thighs apart, and fuck, this was how he always did it. How he always made you forget.

He kissed the inside of your thighs like they were something sacred, his fingers gripping you like he was afraid you’d disappear beneath him. “Let me make it better,” he breathed, lips dragging over every inch of bare skin he could find. “Please, mama.”

His voice cracked, raw with something wrecked before he showed you how sorry he really was.

His hands held you open, his mouth finding your core in the way he knew you needed. Like he was trying to earn back every ounce of your love, like he was starving for your forgiveness.

You gasped, your fingers threading into his hair, your back arching as he devoured you.

Chris groaned into you, like this was the only thing keeping him alive, like he couldn’t breathe without you, without this. His hands tightened on your thighs, his tongue moving in the way he knew would undo you, like he wanted you to break, like he needed you to.

You tugged at his hair, pulling him closer, forcing him deeper, and he whimpered at the way you used him.

“Kiss me better,” you whispered, breathless, trembling.

Chris was on his knees for you, his mouth relentless, his hands gripping you tighter like he was afraid you’d take this from him. Like he needed to prove himself with every flick of his tongue, every desperate gasp against your skin.

The apologies didn’t stop.

“I love you.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I’ll never say that shit again.”

He was starving for you, for your forgiveness, for something that felt like redemption even when he knew he didn’t deserve it. His mouth moved over your clit, his hands trembling as they held your thighs apart even further, pressing his lips to the places he knew made you gasp, made you shudder, made you forget just who you both were outside of this.

You tugged at his hair, yanking him closer, and he whimpered against you.

Chris had never been like this with anyone else. Never been this desperate, this willing, this completely wrecked for someone.

But as soon as he heard you moan for the first time tonight, he knew he had you.

His hands gripped you tighter, holding you there, keeping you from escaping even though you had no intention of going anywhere. He was everywhere, tasting, kissing, worshipping like he had something to prove. Like every movement of his tongue was another apology, another please don’t leave me, another way to say I love you without words.

Your back arched, your head falling back against the pillow, your breath coming out in ragged gasps as moans left your pretty parted lips.

Every time you tugged at his hair, he groaned like it physically hurt him. Every time your body tensed beneath him, he whimpered like he was the one unraveling.

Like this wasn’t just for you. Like he needed this just as much.

“Fuck, mama,” he murmured between kisses, pressing his lips to your inner thigh, his fingers tracing slow, dizzying patterns over your skin. “I’ll stay here all night. I don’t care- I don’t fucking care. Just- just let me make it better. Let me kiss it better.”

Your breath hitched, your fingers fisting into the sheets, your body trembling from the way he was pulling you under. “Chris…”

“I know,” he breathed, his voice completely and utterly wrecked. “I know, baby. I got you.”

And God, he did. You couldn’t think anymore. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t remember why you had ever been angry, why you had ever thought you could walk away from this. Walk away from him.

Instead of apologizing with words, he was apologizing like this. With his hands gripping your hips, with his tongue moving in ways that made you gasp his name, with the soft, desperate I love yous pressed into your skin between every kiss.

Your body was on fire, your mind spinning, your hands clutching at him like he was the only thing keeping you tethered to reality.

And maybe he was.

Because you knew love wasn’t supposed to feel like this. But you didn’t know anything else. You wanted it. You needed it.

And so you let him worship you.

You let him kiss it better.

MASTERLIST

for @mattsobvimyfav 🧡

[kyri45]

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 06/01✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: Do the little monkeys on Flower Fruit mountain ever see at Wukong and Macaque bickering like an old married couple and think to themselves 'just kiss already'?

Yes. They keep doing and Wukong tries to stop them otherwise Macaque could hear them (he already does)

Anonimo ha chiesto: Been reading up on Macaque Body Language and found this: "A peculiar behaviour displayed by macaques is lip smacking. Between macaques, lip smacking is used to show submission, affection and reconciliation. This behaviour is a form of communication and is sometimes accompanied with cooing vocalisations and mild raising of eyebrows." So now I can't stop imaging Monkey King and Macaque just smacking lips and raising eyebrows to each other instead of saying "I love you" or after a fight just smacking lips and then hugging. But then I also started questioning, do the two monkeys in your AU actually use monkey body language to communicate? Or is it just human language they use? Great work on your AU btw! Loving the art and story ^^

Mm some? Like a little but not too much. But that’s an adorable trivia!!

Does macaque know about Wukong's stage fright?👀

Yes.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Baby MK lives in my head rent free. If Wukong or Macaque were trappen in the calabash than their perfect world would be one where they could raise mk without him having to fight or get hurt and traumatized

I THINK the fanfiction series Squashed Apricots is just about this if it can interest you.

@abbytheslothwitch ha chiesto: In your AU or your general opinion, which monkey dad is the taller one; Wukong or Macaque?

Macaque

Anonimo ha chiesto: The way you draw Pigsy honestly is one of the best I've seen I mean just look at him!!! He doesn't have the proportions of a regular human because he's not human and it works so well! I dunno he just looks cool in your artstyle and design That all I had to say :]]]]

Thank you so much!!!♥️♥️♥️ He’s honestly quite hard to draw exactly bc of that, but it’s good practice! Him and DBK are generally harder, I’m not super used to draw animals.

@peach-fury ha chiesto: Ello! Sorry, it's me again But just had a thought, sense Macaque has died and went to Dìyù or the underworld. (I think that's were the book of death is) Wouldn't he be at least scared or nervous to go back? Idk like bad memories like their fight or the lady bone demon or something? Idk maybe overthinking or that I just like angsty :P (P.s I fricking love your art and your AU's so much!!!!)

Yes. I believe he wouldn’t like the idea. I like to think he”s actually terrified. But he wouldn’t care less if it means to protect and help his baby.

Anonimo ha chiesto: will MK try to try change his name into nobody or something form of loophole name so that can be like ohhhh nobody us in trouble! Everyone is safeeee! And nezha’s dad is like wait no

Ahah that’s a good idea! Unfortunately that isn’t the plan

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hear me out we know Wukong made the bed because he made it bigger. It's made out of peach tree wood. And carved moon and suns and stars on the headboard.

AWWWW!!😭😭😭😭😭

@a1teruniverse ha chiesto: What's the hardest panel you've drawn

It is a panel if it’s an animation?

Anonimo ha chiesto: Will u ever do flash backs for shadowpeach thats “happy” like them first meeting realizing there in love a jealous mac courtnapping the monkey king just being young and in love.

Mmm yeah i wanna do smth like that. Don’t know when or how but i wanna.

Anonimo ha chiesto: does Wukong ever/will ever let glamours down and let like everything hang out like Mac would come in and his husband just causally has his boobs out and he’s like sweet my husband got hotter bc he’s pan(?) like I think you said that in an earlier post

I mean. I don’t think he has any issues dropping his glamours in front of macaque. I don’t think he would stay too much without his glamours bc still, I guess he would have some slight dysphoria. Also I mean, yeah Macaque loves him with or without boobies. But if Wukong could choose he would prefer not to have them out if he can.

Anonimo ha chiesto: which bottle is every ship in your lmk comic chugging? (I’m talking about your red bubble stickers for ao3 tags I would find it but I’m lazyyyh)

Shadowpeach is hurt & comfort (which I saw now I didn’t uploaded but yeah I got that one as well.), slowburn, enemies to lovers, and angst cause- duh.

Spicynoodle I would say is fluff, oneshot, enemies to lovers, found family.

Anonimo ha chiesto: im so embarrassed to ask about this but, later when mk and red boy r dating, who would ask the other first on a date? What would the date be? Also what does dbk and pif personal opinion of their relationship? SORRY IF THIS HAS BEEN ASKED BEFORE😭

I think MK, because dates are something a little more human, and cause Red Son is a workaholic. It can either be something like a training session, a videogame session at Red castle, or just also the traffic light trio being competitive. DBK and PIF are supporting, mostly bc they know their family will be even more powerful with an union such as theirs. Of course PIF is supporting also cause MK is Mac baby.

@kandymaneuwu ha chiesto: On a scale of 1 to 10 how fluffy is macaque this is very important

10 with merits

@5hadowm0ch1 ha chiesto: When will Shadowpeach kiss? It's always head-to-head Pats (I'm trying to predict what happening)

b-b-b-b-b- but head-to-head pats are cute…

@majesticgazell ha chiesto: Ooohhh I’m just imagining Li Jing catching wind of the plan and activating MK’s fillet while he’s in the shadows… maybe he wouldn’t lose himself under normal circumstances, but with that thing tightening around his head? 👀 Just a thought

Hehe, isn’t that a possibility?

@nataszaluiz ha chiesto: So I have a few questions. First: do you plan on ending it before Season 6 releases or do you plan on continuing it and mixing it up with your AU? Second: have you heard theories that a fragment of Azure's Soul is placed in the blue flower that appears after it's sacrifice? Third: Will characters like Yellowtusk and Peng appear in your AU?

S6 seems to either happen next year or never, so I ve3ry much hope i finish my story sooner.

no i haven’t

mmmm i don’t know

@cheddarcheesebiscuit1 ha chiesto: I gotta ask, if MK would to ever get injured in his monkie form, then would Macaque/Wukong try to take him to a human doctor or a vet?

I know we all want to see Macaque and Wukong freaking out when their baby is sick, but I think we forget sometimes that, even though they aren’t medics, Wukong has a basic understanding how to heal wounds and medicine. Macaque is head-canoned many times to be an expert in fact. And I think there are demons/demonic doctors in case MK has some kind of curse or demonic sickness, which would be what actually makes them worry in the first place.

@ainnur ha chiesto: Mei and Wukong team up?! Wasabi Duo the party crasher🎉✨ Love them💕 They need more love as a duo

Their name IS WASABI DUO????????? AAAWWWWWW

@sleeo-goos10 ha chiesto: Hi kyri! Thank you for sparking my LMK hyper fixation and I’m really curious: Will we get more Nezha? How will he react knowing that the Buddha approved this? IF the Buddha approved it at all 👀

Yes you will have plenty of Nezha. Also if youo guys really want to know, yeah, the Buddha themself approved of this. No, Li Jing wasn’t lying.

@saphstories ha chiesto: KYRI PLEASE IF I ASK FOR NOTHING ELSE I NEED TO SEE HELICOPTER AUNT PIF AND UNCLE DBK IN THAT FIGHT BECAUSE *HEAVEN DID WHAT TO THEIR NEPHEW???* And I'm sorry but of freaking course Red Son being the brat he is would call Mommy and Daddy to tattle about how mean Heaven is for stealing his Monkey before he could. 😂😂 Can you tell how insane the extended Monkey Fam makes me? 😂😂😂 I love this AU, I can't wait to see more!

When they heard the news they wanted to come to help attack the palace as well, but Red Son stopped them saying smt like “HE IS MY FUTURE HOUSBAND AND I GET TO KIDNAP HIM OUT OF HEAVEN MOM!”

@anxiousbb-witch ha chiesto: Do I have a reason to fear the possibilities of the golden headband being used on MK and all the emotions and tears coming from it?

oh year, absolutely.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I just have the funny thought that MK woke up one morning in his true form and get jumpscared by looking at himself and see he has boobs again

nooouuuu poor baby! But yeah it’s a funny image

@monkieshad0w ha chiesto: HELLOO HELLOO! What’s ur opinion on sundial duo :D (if you don’t know what sundial duo is, it’s basically Macaque and Wukong being duos and besties but not lovers) :3

oohhh well I do live any pf my ships as besties as well! Platonic love is just as important as romantic one for me personally!

[vitaminseetarot]

Pick a Card: Winter Blessings On Their Way to You

Hey y'all, welcome back for another pick a card reading. This pac's gonna be about any general blessings you'll receive over the next few months. For those who celebrate holidays, this may tie in to how you will be faring this season, but for any one reading, this will be a positive overview of what you may be gifted with over winter.

I've decided to go with images from pixabay as having the selection at the top seems to be the more mobile-friendly option. Choose any one of the four images above or pile numbers below:

Pile 1 - Frost ❄ Pile 2 - Gift 🎁 Pile 3 - Tree 🎄 Pile 4 - Orange 🍊

Pile 1 - Frost ❄

2 of Cups, King of Swords; Moon in Pisces - Empathy, A New Day, Land:Animal:Star, Mine (Earth, Jupiter)

Hey there, pile 1. Your gift will soon come in the form of experiencing deepened social connections this season. You will receive guidance and understanding regarding a close relationship you already have in your life. There may be a form of reconciliation or forgiveness given to you for any miscommunication or mistake in the past. I'm hearing that it's mainly the lack of communication for this pile where things can be resolved over the winter. Someone may have taken their time in reaching back to you for one reason or another but will be more available in the next three months.

This person could be an air sign dominant (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius), a person connected to education in some way, or a decisive, intellectual person in general. They may be a great conversationalist who is knowledgeable on topics that are relevant to you; talking to them may feel stimulating. One thing that I'm picking up is that, though this person may put on an air of maturity and wisdom, it's important to note that they are human and have to learn important lessons about relationships like everyone else. They're going through a humbling period of realizing that they do not connect to others as much as they would like to, which may trigger them to contact you to open back up. If they do, it's because they have some level of trust in you even if things have been sour in the past. I'm not detecting anything bitter or deceitful about this communication, but they may be in a remorseful state anyway as they may be undergoing a shadow work process of looking at themselves from a higher perspective and realigning with their true visions. It's up to you if their remorse is genuine or misplaced; if it's genuine and you care for them, then they could use a little reassurance that they can still be a good friend. If it's misplaced, that is to say you don't think they really did anything wrong, make sure to let them know that you forgive them and you care for them. If this is a toxic situation, you may decide to not let this person back into your life despite how they feel, which may prove for some to be the best choice, but in any case there will be a sense of resolution, fairness, and peace of mind. It will be different for everybody.

There is a possibility that, if this resonates with you personally more than it does with anyone else in your life, then part of your gift is getting a chance at a do-over with a close friend, colleague, or partner of yours, and you may be on the verge of adding more extroversion in your life by doing more enjoyable social activities. Another take with this pile is that, if you're involved in school, there could be a special message you receive from the school. If you're trying to apply for something or resolve an issue, someone who is of expertise in that area will reach out over the next few months. If you've been doubtful about a relationship, this season will help you gain more clarity about the next steps to pave. This holiday is looking to be cozy and centered on sharing it with those you care about, including pets.

P.S. From Santa: if you feel tempted to wake up around midnight to peek under the tree, don't! Try to avoid catching glimpses or begging to know what you're getting. Someone may have left a surprise for you to check in the morning, and they wanna see your face light up with what you got.

Pile 2 - Gift 🎁

9 of Cups, Queen of Cups; Jupiter in Cancer - Speculation, Candle Magic, Land:Mountain:Moon, Grace (Water, Neptune)

Hello, pile 2, I see your biggest gift is gonna be like a spa day away from all the hustle and bustle. I sense it's long overdue here! This winter season is gonna be all about catching up on some much needed R&R and sleep. This is definitely the pile for those who relate to being the "parent friend" of their social group, or of generally being the busy supportive person in others' lives, who are getting the impulse to retreat inside for hibernation. With all the usual chaos of the holiday season, I don't blame you for wanting some tranquility. You may identify with being empathic or highly sensitive to noisy or crowded output. In spite of a tendency towards introversion, I see this is a group that really likes to stay productive and creative, but it looks like taking time away will restore a lot of creative flow back in to what you do. There's an abundance of water in your cards, suggesting a need for cleansing and adaptability. You may find it easier to take time off in spurts rather than a long period away, but it's up to what you feel is more necessary. This isn't just regular spa day in the sense of literal cleansing, though you may feel more inclined to take long warm baths and clean out drawers of old unwanted clothes over the next few months. This is also about emotional healing, taking time to process old feelings and reflect over the past year. There is a need for comfort in between, I'm feeling plush robes and tasting marshmallow rich hot cocoa by the fire here. Tap into your more sensual and receptive side, allow yourself to do a hobby in bed for a day if it's easier than doing it at the desk.

This is also a season for receiving some nice things you've been really wishing for, but be sure to express your desires! The gifts you get may be really satisfying for you, but you will need to own up to what you want and avoid being too bashful. If there's something you're eyeing on this holiday season, make a note to write it down or add it to a wishlist. If you get involved with an exchange program, you can be honest with what you like while also being reasonable. Also, I want to remind you that there's nothing wrong with getting yourself a few gifts if you're really more comfortable with getting them for yourself. It's better than waiting and hoping for someone to get you a cool thing you're too shy to ask for only to not get it. Set an intention and inform others out loud, instead of getting caught in mixed signals, because you deserve to get many good things this winter! If you have any time off you've been meaning to take, I would find some time in the winter to schedule a "nothing" day with no busy plans or to-do lists, so you can prioritize self care.

I'm getting that many of you will want to stay home for vacation, or that you'll want to be at home more often, in your safe zone. Even though many of you will focus more on relaxing, some of you may get the urge to decorate in a way that speaks to you. There may be some creative inspiration in the form of making something that fits the season like weaving frosty wreaths or crocheting cozy sweaters. An aesthetic could be drawing your eye, which is confirmation that your creative juices are flowing again. Gently express yourself in art when it calls you, without feeling pressured to finish or mass-produce anything. Create in a carefree way that inspires and heals you.

P.S. From Santa: A single lantern in the dark is as profound as a thousand dazzling lights in the streets. Try not to overburden yourself with the perfect set up of decorations this holiday season. Even when preparing the house, it's the thought that counts.

Pile 3 - Tree 🎄

0 Fool, XIX Sun; Venus in Leo - Affair, Go Your Own Way, Sky:Rainbow:Star, Tear (Air, Gemini)

Wow, pile 3, right off the bat I have to say I'm almost jaw-dropped at how bright and festive your pile is! This is definitely the group that loves the holidays the most, if that doesn't resonate with you then you may find another group more relatable, or it could be that you're more in the mood for holiday occasions than usual. The joy in these cards is palpable and near infectious, it's giving even some of my grinchy mannerisms a second glance. So yes, I would say this is your biggest gift over the winter season. You may be smiling for many reasons, maybe even crying with joy with the Tear card here, and I see the biggest reason is in where you'll be and who you'll be with.

You will have opportunities to venture out and explore new things to do. You could be invited to a festive lights display, or a fireworks show around the New Year. There could be a concert over the winter, or a new date could talk you into trying ice skating at the local rink. Some of you may be tempted to actually go to NYC for New Years, and if so, good luck! Please stay warm and hydrated, the ball dropping and singing carols through your town are a major endurance test in the cold if you decide to go to any of those. But if the idea of doing something like that simply lights you up like a festive tree, you may be more tempted to go for it this season. Many things in your cards talk about direction and forging your own path, so part of your gift may involve feeling a bit more independence and expansion. When we travel and visit new places, our self learns to grow and expand to meet it over time. It's nerve wracking because we're not used to it, but eventually we adjust and learn to adapt. I see that happening for you more these next few months. I would advise this pile to try going out and trying a few different and interesting things, for those who don't want to jump in the cold, there are online communities waiting for you to join. Some social media groups, for example, have a Secret Santa type of thing set up that you could sign up for, or a Discord chat could be hosting movie nights that you've considered joining. This is your confirmation to give it a go!

Tears of joy may also have to do with gifts you're given this year. There may have been something left on your wishlist for a while and this season you may actually receive it. You could also be given something that just "fits the ticket", like it may not have even been on your wishlist or even what you could think to wish for, but somehow you get it anyway. The gift may come at a convenient time. It may be something related to your life purpose even? Or it may help you with your life path and future goals. You may enjoy gift exchanges with a dear loved one, as seeing their reaction of pure joy may turn out to be a present for you too. Happy holidays, pile 3!

P.S. From Santa: The sleigh flies like the sun and moon in the sky, spreading cheer in all directions. Happiness can be found where you are, and it can also be outside your comfort zone. Look at what surrounds you for the true presents in store.

Pile 4 - Orange 🍊

VIII Strength, 3 of Pentacles, Saturn in Gemini - Concentration, Celebrate Your Wins, Water:Spring:Moon, Sunflower (Earth, Venus)

Surprise, pile 4, you have actually chosen the same pile that I chose when doing this reading. The significance of mentioning this is that I just passed a difficult test that took forever to figure out. And I originally laid out these cards, called it my 'Orange' pile, and chose this group the night before the test, knowing this was predicting some kind of win but waiting until after to confirm it here. And boy did they confirm! So your major blessing on your way is that you will succeed in a goal that you've been working very hard on for a good period of time. What was once a challenge can become a success here. For many of you this will have been in something that has required a lot of work and dedication. Passing this won't necessarily be effortless, but it will be easier than the last time. You will still need to put in some effort to make it work, but this pile has more than certainly put their dues in by now, even if things aren't perfect. After spending a good amount of time learning and tracing all the steps, you've developed the fortitude and strength to push through to the finish line. And getting to that line will feel like the joy of a kid waking up on Christmas morning to a mountain of gifts. If you struggle with the sense of feeling accomplished, this is the time to reward yourself.

I see for most in this group, this accomplish is related to something in the material or external realm. So it could be passing an important test, getting a portfolio approved in review, or a burst of health after a long period of stress. There's an energy of blooming here, with the Sunflower card atop the daisies in the Strength card and the crocus. These flowers, together, signify not only growth, but a sense of rebirth and regeneration. The crocus appears in the spring and fall, while the daisy blooms from spring to summer. So this is spiritual and physical healing. Even sunflowers can last until mid autumn. So this is a long-lasting rejuvenation, or an accomplishment with long term benefits. It will be a big confidence boost that may spur a positive feedback loop in future goals. Take pride in yourself!

You've probably succeeded far past where you think yourself to be. There's no need here to be hard on yourself, even if the victory doesn't come in the shape you expect it would. Treat your past year's self with kindness, as not all progress is visible to the naked eye. Achievements of the soul aren't always notified like in Xbox, or given a certificate or medal to hang on the wall. Maybe it could even be hard to write down exactly what went right this year, but have trust that you've grown so much in these past twelve months and that the next season will be like a domino effect showing you how far you've come! The 3 of Pentacles is Capricorn energy, so you may start to see this after the holidays have passed, but know either way that your first step is just the first step in a long road to victory! I'm sending congratulations to y'all, pile 4, and patting your inner lion on the back because I know you have it in you to succeed in your trials no matter how long it takes. You have transformed in time for the new year!

P.S From Santa: Be ready to catch falling stars as you wish upon them, the seed least unexpected can bloom even in the coldest time of year. Staying on the Nice list will come with its many rewards.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[writingwithcolor]

Sri Lankan Fairies and Senegalese Goddesses: Mixing Mythology as a Mixed Creator

[Note: this archive ask was submitted before the Masterpost rules took effect in 2023. The ask has been abridged for clarity.]

@reydjarinkenobi asked:

Hi, I’m half Sri Lankan/half white Australian, second gen immigrant though my mum moved when she was a kid. My main character for my story is a mixed demigod/fae. [...] Her bio mum is essentially a Scottish/Sri Lankan fairy and her other bio mum (goddess) is a goddess of my own creation, Nettamaar, who’s name is derived from [...] Wolof words [...]. The community of mages that she presided over is from the South Eastern region of Senegal [...] In the beginning years of European imperialism, the goddess basically protected them through magic and by blessing a set of triplets effectively cutting them off from the outside world for a few centuries [...] I was unable to find a goddess that fit the story I wanted to tell [...] and also couldn’t find much information on the internet for local gods, which is why I have created my own. I know that the gods in Hinduism do sort of fit into [the story] but my Sri Lankan side is Christian and I don’t feel comfortable representing the Hindu gods in the way that I will be this goddess [...]. I wanted to know if any aspect of the community’s history is problematic as well as if I should continue looking further to try and find an African deity that matched my narrative needs? I was also worried that having a mixed main character who’s specifically half black would present problems as I can’t truly understand the black experience. I plan on getting mixed and black sensitivity readers once I finish my drafts [...] I do take jabs at white supremacy and imperialism and I I am planning to reflect my feelings of growing up not immersed in your own culture and feeling overwhelmed with what you don’t know when you get older [...]. I’m sorry for the long ask but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about writing and I’m quite worried about my story coming across as insensitive or problematic because of cultural history that I am not educated enough in.

Reconciliation Requires Research

First off: how close is this world’s history to our own, omitting the magic? If you’re aiming for it to be essentially parallel, I would keep in mind that Senegal was affected by the spread of Islam before the Europeans arrived, and most people there are Muslim, albeit with Wolof and other influences. 

About your Scottish/Sri Lankan fairy character: I’ll point you to this previous post on Magical humanoid worldbuilding, Desi fairies as well as this previous post on Characterization for South Asian-coded characters for some of our commentary on South Asian ‘fae’. Since she is also Scottish, the concept can tie back to the Celtic ideas of the fae.

However, reconciliation of both sides of her background can be tricky. Do you plan on including specific Sri Lankan mythos into her heritage? I would tread carefully with it, if you plan to do so. Not every polytheistic culture will have similar analogues that you can pull from.

To put it plainly, if you’re worried about not knowing enough of the cultural histories, seek out people who have those backgrounds and talk to them about it. Do your research thoroughly: find resources that come from those cultures and read carefully about the mythos that you plan to incorporate. Look for specificity when you reach out to sensitivity readers and try to find sources that go beyond a surface-level analysis of the cultures you’re looking to portray. 

~ Abhaya

I see you are drawing on Gaelic lore for your storytelling. Abhaya has given you good links to discussions we’ve had at WWC and the potential blindspots in assuming, relative to monotheistic religions like Christianity, that all polytheistic and pluralistic lore is similar to Gaelic folklore. Fae are one kind of folklore. There are many others. Consider:

Is it compatible? Are Fae compatible with the Senegalese folklore you are utilizing? 

Is it specific? What ethnic/religious groups in Senegal are you drawing from? 

Is it suitable? Are there more appropriate cultures for the type of lore you wish to create?

Remember, Senegalese is a national designation, not an ethnic one, and certainly not a designation that will inform you with respect to religious traditions. But more importantly:

...Research Requires Reconciliation

My question is why choose Senegal when your own heritage offers so much room for exploration? This isn’t to say I believe a half Sri-Lankan person shouldn’t utilize Senegalese folklore in their coding or vice-versa, but, to put it bluntly, you don’t seem very comfortable with your heritage. Religions can change, but not everything cultural changes when this happens. I think your relationship with your mother’s side’s culture offers valuable insight to how to tackle the above, and I’ll explain why.  

I myself am biracial and bicultural, and I had to know a lot about my own background before I was confident using other cultures in my writing. I had to understand my own identity—what elements from my background I wished to prioritize and what I wished to jettison. Only then was I able to think about how my work would resonate with a person from the relevant background, what to be mindful of, and where my blindspots would interfere. 

I echo Abhaya’s recommendation for much, much more research, but also include my own personal recommendation for greater self-exploration. I strongly believe the better one knows oneself, the better they can create. It is presumptuous for me to assume, but your ask’s phrasing, the outlined plot and its themes all convey a lack of confidence in your mixed identity that may interfere with confidence when researching and world-building. I’m not saying give up on this story, but if anxiety on respectful representation is a large barrier for you at the moment, this story may be a good candidate for a personal project to keep to yourself until you feel more ready.

(See similar asker concerns here: Running Commentary: What is “ok to do” in Mixed-Culture Supernatural Fiction, here: Representing Biracial Black South American Experiences and here: Am I fetishizing my Japanese character?)

- Marika.

Start More Freely with Easy Mode

Question: Why not make a complete high-fantasy universe, with no need of establishing clear real-world parallels in the text? It gives you plenty of leg room to incorporate pluralistic, multicultural mythos + folklore into the same story without excessive sweating about historically accurate worldbuilding.

It's not a *foolproof* method; even subtly coded multicultural fantasy societies like Avatar or the Grishaverse exhibit certain harmful tropes. I also don't know if you are aiming for low vs high fantasy, or the degree of your reliance on real world culture / religion / identity cues.

But don't you think it's far easier for this fantasy project to not have the additional burden of historical accuracy in the worldbuilding? Not only because I agree with Mod Marika that perhaps you seem hesitant about the identity aspect, but because your WIP idea can include themes of othering and cultural belonging (and yes, even jabs at supremacist institutions) in an original fantasy universe too. I don't think I would mind if I saw a couple of cultural markers of a Mughal Era India-inspired society without getting a full rundown of their agricultural practices, social conventions and tax systems, lol.

Mod Abhaya has provided a few good resources about what *not* to do when drawing heavily from cultural coding. With that at hand, I don't think your project should be a problem if you simply make it an alternate universe like Etheria (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power), Inys (The Priory of the Orange Tree) or Earthsea (the Earthsea series, Ursula K. Le Guin). Mind you, we can trace the analogues to each universe, but there is a lot of freedom to maneuver as you wish when incorporating identities in original fantasy. And of course, multiple sensitivity readers are a must! Wishing you the best for the project.

- Mod Mimi