#you can honestly feel the emotions in this

[delta-lethonomia]

The amount of times I've felt some intense emotion and then felt guilty for experiencing said emotion cannot be overstated, and I can't make it clear enough how useless that reaction is. Listen to your feelings. When you ignore them, minimize them, or push them aside.... that's when you really hurt yourself. It's cutting off a part of yourself without realizing that hey, having feet or limbs or sensation might actually be useful, or have a purpose.

The purpose being, of course, a warning system, a blaring alarm that is telling you: "you need to change your circumstances, or your body is going to stop working, and there is nothing you can do to prevent this shut down if you keep ignoring the warning signs."

If you've got some impulse like above, or something similar, some urge that you know is unnecessarily dramatic or irrational - distill it. Is it a need to escape? For space? To be noticed? For love? Figure it out. And then fulfill it. Because if you don't...

... that's when you or your body starts doing things that you don't understand, that you feel like you can't control, and it only gets worse from there.

My tip for trying to compartmentalize your emotions or desires is to realize when you're using hyperbolic shorthand for an actually realistic desire. I know realizing even that can be difficult sometimes but let me demonstrate

"I wish I was popular" -> I want to be noticed and engaged with, and I need reassurance and the feeling of connection

"I wanna delete my blog and ghost my friends" -> I want to act out in a visible way that expresses how frustrated I am / I feel overwhelmed with connections and need time to cool off

"I wanna do something reckless/dangerous" -> I feel trapped in obligations and am buckling under stress, I need a sufficient outlet and more freedom to exist in peace

Obviously there may be different kinds of feelings or needs under your particular impulses, these are just some fairly common examples of what you could be feeling. The harder part is trying to figure out what it is that causes this impulse, and even harder might be if you don't have control over the situation, and are unable to have your needs met. It's not always your fault if you're feeling bad, but realizing where it stems from can help you seek out new paths to relieve it. This is something I've learnt working in therapy.

The toddler in your heart has valid needs. But it is a toddler and will scream and cry about it. Learn to sit by until it's done and then ask if it wants a juice box or a hug

[thedivinetarot]

Summer is meant for lovin' and leavin'

Who wants to be your valentine?

☆ How to chose your pile? Here🦪🦪

☆Check this month's offer... 🦪🦪🦪

☆Note:

This reading is suitable for someone on your mind or a future person.

Also, I'm so sorry I couldn't upload this on Valentines day.

Lots of love

Arya

Pile 1 - Cupid

☆ Energy check:

Pls note that this is a general energy check and it doesn't have to resonate but take it as a confirmation. If the energy check didn't resonate you can either skip to the next portion or chose another pile, thank you.

Okay, right of the bat I felt very excited, someone here is up to something new, perhaps a new perosn, crush or business venture and if none applies then inner transformation. I see that this pile have worked so hard on their wounds and other are seeing the fruits of their efforts towards healing. Someone here is a witch and a wizard lol. Anyways, I see that in this pile your energy is being portrayed as something luxurious, maybe you are someone who is physically attractive or work on your overall aesthetic. Someone here is very committed and serious about relationships, you give no time for losers lol. I see that you have shifted something, perhaps a mindset, something inner here. I feel distracted a little bit. Pile 1 do you have ADHD? because I felt excited them I felt distracted. I see also that someone here finally found the joy within themselves without relying on others. You probably reading this out of boredom and not because you are interested in someone that's what I'm sensing. Someone here ended a period or self doubt and insecurity, it is like you put a full stop and started something new. I see also that you tend to get anxious and worried about the slightest things or still struggling with it. Someone here have cultivated self love and understood that real love comes from within yourself and not outside also shadow work, someonehere is doing shadow work regularly which helped them understand where the insecurity come from. I kept singing "now my life is sweet like cinnamon" something here is fresh, like you have shifted your focus inside and now you feel very happy and joyful, I felt happy all of sudden. Also, you understood that betraying yourself won't get you anywhere and when you prioritized self love you felt a huge shift and it made you feel at peace and more emotionally fulfilled. People in this pile are probably singles and reading this for a future person. You are abundant pile 1 and you are capable, I got emotional and proud all of sudden, you have absolutely all the right to be like that after all of this work. Love you pile 1, I'm proud of you too🤍.

Placements for you:

Taurus, Sagittarius, Scorpio and Aquarius, Cancer, Pisces, Virgo. Dominant planets: jupiter, moon, mercury. 2nd, 9th, 8th, 11th, 12th, 4th, 6t house sun or moon.

☆Who?

Ugh, this person is so emotionally desperate. And you know them, unfortunately you know this person. They probably study with you in an official organization like school, college or somewhere you are in either working or studying but studying is more accurate and relevant. I see that this person is emotional and practical at the same time. They are giving off ESFJ, ISFJ, ESFP vibe. Like they are empathetic and kind but practical and think money at the same time. This person is very calm and collected, you see them as a friend or a colleague. They look detached and have this uncertainty to them. They seem unfocused or clumsy at the same time especially around you. This person and you probably meet outside your home town or are far from you. You either work away from home (you travel from a city to another) or they travel for work. I see that this person is very obvious about their feelings to you and they don't even bother hiding them. This person is intuitively drawn to you. They spy on you or take quick glances or you feel that they look at you more than intended. They like you honestly and is very direct with their feelings lol.

☆How do they see you?

Okay, they see that you are very intimidating and you give off the vibe of lone wolf. They might be someone who is popular and recognized by people and unlike them you are a lone wolf, charismatic and confident. Your confidence intimidate them and you make them speechless. They probably stutter or feel anxious around you. I kept laughing, you probably enjoy this aren't you pile 1? That's hilarious, you enjoy making them nervous and they are literally a nerve ball when it comes to you lol. You don't look for validation from people like they do and it make them super confused. I mean they might be someone who is all about societal standards and you are not. You don't seek this validation from society and you make fun out of it. You don't care about last trends, you don't aim to look like a model. Because simply you think this is stupid and useless.

☆ Their intentions:

The bottom of the deck tell me that this person still yearns for you. Like they want something emotionally fulfilling with you. And don't worry they are very honest about their feelings, they don't play around. They want to come in and change the situation with you. They want to act diplomatically and come in and talk to you. They want to take care of you and have emotional bond with you. They want an committed emotional connection. They want to offer their heart and unlock a new chapter in their life with you. They want something nurturing and balanced, they want both of you to take care of one another. They want something drama free and simply equal. That's what I'm getting so good luck with your valentine pile 1. Enjoy💕.

☆ Placements for them:

Cancer, Aquarius, virgo, Pisces, Scorpio. Dominant planets in their chart: Uranus, Neptune, Venus, 4th, 11th, 6th, 12th, 8th house sun or moon.

Pile 2 - Heart

☆Energy check:

The energy check doesn't have to resonates 100% with you, if you feel like none of what I'm writing resonated then skip to the next portion or chose another pile.

Hello pile 2, right of the bat I felt my front lower teeth started to hurt me, something here related to teeth. I feel like this pile are wearing orthodontics and the Dr have pulled them tightly in uncomfortable way. Also, you may be listening to music as a way to cope with pain in your life. I see that someone here invested in a relationship and was very committed the relationship was disturbed then and that bond broke down. I see that you are now in a stagnant contemplative energy. You are trying to isolate yourself from everyone to understand what went wrong. I see that a man or a masculine here will text you very soon. They have news for you. I see that people here have been doubting their intuition and feeling like their head or logic is the only thing that matter, the universe want me to tell you that your intuition is right, you are not gaslighting yourself and you need to listen to it. I see that this pile are actively manifesting abundance, I see someone here is manifesting money and a comfortable lifestyle while you are living your life freely and enjoying the process. My back got tensed all of sudden, pile 2 are you working or studying on a desk? Please consider a more comfortable position because your safety come first. I see that you are overwhelmed and above all disappointed. Someone here is going through a spiritual awakening, they are trying to make sense of things in their life, someone here is feeling confused and overwhelmed by the shift that is happening in their life. I see also that you are resisting change, someone here is going through spiritual awakening and resisting change, why? What make you afraid? Losing people who never cared about you? Or losing your personality (the old version) who was disrespected over and over again? Why? A shift in your mindset is required to maintain a healthy approach to your spiritual awakening.

Placements for you:

Taurus, Virgo, Gemini, Scorpio, Leo, Cancer, Sagittarius. Planets in your: 2nd, 6th, 3rd, 8th, 5th, 4th,9th in your chart. Dominant planet in sun, mercury, Venus. I'm sensing a very strong mercurial energy or mercury in a strong aspects in your chart.

☆Who?

Okay, this person wants to keep themselves hidden from you. They don't want you to know that they are in for you. They hide their feelings from you. I'm sensing a secret admirer here. Someone who is aware of you but you are not aware of them at all. This person has a very fiery and decisive energy. They set their eyes on something and they get it. I'm not getting anything about how do know them but what is most obvious to me is that they are within your social circle. Someone you don't usually pay a lot of attention to. This person is very committed and stable but they are not revealing themselves to me. This person have gone through a lot of back breaking labor. Maybe their job requires them to be active physically? Someone here work in a field of physical labor. Maybe an engineer? Or civil engineer? Someone here in a very good shape, they have muscles and a little bit on the taller side that is admiring you but they keep themselves hidden. I'm getting "you look at me but you don't see me" someone here is within your day to day life... who you look at but never SEE and they know you won't accept them. I see that they refuse making themselves seen to you because they are afraid of rejection. They hope that one day you'll see them and see how much they might be loyal or faithful to you. I'm picking up on enneagram 6,1,9. Someone here is very soft and sweet but appear to be stoic or tired. They don't know a lot of people, they are lonely. They barely have friends too. I'm also getting the mbti ISFP, INFP, ISFJ and ISTJ. This person have a very dynamic and youthful appearance. They might just got the job in your neighborhood or within your community.

☆How do they see you?

Well, that's heartbreaking... they think that you don't see them. They see that you won't even notice them. This person's self-esteem is very low. They don't think you'll ever look at them or want to get to know them. Probably your interactions with them are Far away, like they listen to you talking to your friends but they don't bother to come in or talk to you because they are afraid of rejection. They think you are very smart and fair and you hate seeing injustice. They think you are witty and funny too. And they think you can be imbalanced and stupid at times. They think you are beautiful and no not in a lusty way. They think you are imbalanced and anxious most of the time. They probably watch you over or talk to people around you and you appear anxious or tensed. But they think you'd make a great companion because you are very smart and loyal. Ugh this person is rooting for you and doesn't want you to know their feelings. They are definitely a sweetheart, if you are open to them. Their personality is fiery too, they have prominent mars or fire placements in their chart especially Aries or sagittarius.

☆Their intentions:

First and as I mentioned above they know that their self-esteem is low so they took a promise to be more confident and fix themselves to be able to come and offer you something. This cutie here think that in order for them to get to a Goddess like you (that's what they said they are cheesy idc) they need to be better themselves. I'm sensing that this person is very dedicated to their job or career and they want to earn more money in order for them to have enough confidence and come to whisk you away. When they come they want to appear that confident, financially capable man who can provide for you. Their thoughts are quite interesting, they know the importance of money when it comes to relationships, they won't complain about money to you because they will have enough to spoil you and themselves. They are practical honestly, they know well that him (as a provider) need to be financially capable in order for them to come into your life. They want also to work on their anger, they might have a tendency to blow on people when tired. They also want to have a glow up before coming in and take care of you, offering your emotional fulfillment. Awww this person is a literal sweetheart, they want to have enough confident in themselves in order for them to make you satisfied emotionally. Thank you for reading pile 2, hope this reading resonated with you💕.

☆Placements for them:

Sagittarius, mars in Aries, Cancer, Aries, Mars, Pluto, Saturn dominant in their chart. Planets in their 1st, 4th, 9th and 10th house in their chart.

Pile 3 - Tunnel of love

☆Energy check:

This is a general energy check, if you have read it and it did not resonates then skip to the next portion or chose another pile.

Hello pile 3, I hope you are doing well. I see someone here just got a job opportunity and they are waiting for the job interview or have already gone through it and waiting for their reply. I see that someone here have a very helpless and disappointed energy, someone's energy here is heavy and stagnant. Like you guys don't want to get out of your comfort zone, now I'm not saying that you should because I struggle with that too I'm just describing your energy. Someone here doesn't want to go out of do anything, why are you guys so frustrated... it feels like you expected something but it didn't turn out as you hoped. I see that for the people who expected to be asked out by their crush or someone in their mind is either got asked or will be asked. I see also that this person is very grounded, very smart and social. They like their friend group or it could be you sense the energy can go both ways. I'm picking up also that you are trying to act cool or confident but lately self doubt has consumed you to the point were you feel like the slightest comment could turn offensive to you. Someone here is feeling low and bored, your life is not lifing anymore lol. I see that you feel isolated or lonely, someone here is single for soo long and they feel very disappointed for being overlooked and skipped. It's like you are protecting your peace but get mad and jealous when no one give you attention (I'm sorry if that seemed rude). Someone here got a divorce too, and they are trying to take the child or win the child in court (it doesn't have to be you). But there will be a message that is concerning and whether you can afford raising the child or not, okay now I got it! Someone here is old and about to break their engagement or marriage and you are looking for a job to be able to help raise your child, is that so? (This portion is for someone specific). Anyways, Placements for you:

Capricorn, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Leo, Cancer, strong solar energy especially leo and sun dominant or 5th house dominant in your chart.

☆Who?

Okay, you didn't saw this person coming because the way they arrived is quite sudden and surprise. I'm talking something like cheesy romantic series where someone bumps into the other and an electric current shock them both lol. I see that this person is your spouse, they are coming to you. This is either a soulmate or twin flame coming in your life. This person as traits is very similar to you. You both look very alike and have the same vibe and stuff. When you look at them it feels like you are looking at yourself which can be good or bad depending on your personality and overall vibe and frequency. Anyways, this person value communication, they are straight forward and doesn't like to avoid serious discussions. They are very mental... their personality and brain... I mean they are logical and indecisive... also I'm picking something unexpected or can't be tamed... this person is unpredictable and you don't know how to respond to some things they say or do. If you are quite emotional or sensitive it won't be so good to you but if you value logic over anything else then go ahead dear. This person lives away from you, possibly states or countries. This person have gone through a lot of difficulties and tensions in their life which made them more cold from the outside. They give off ENTP, INTP, and for a very few of you this person is an INTJ with soft enneagram like 9 or 6. Anyways, this person is very assertive and dedicated to their own things (could be a job, hobby, friend group, or anything). They are protective and practical, and above all I see financial stability. I see that they have money but NOT that money, something that is enough and a little more to spare on their loved ones. Anyways, also I'm getting that this person have XSTX mbti, especially (ISTJ and ESTJ) someone logical and practical. They are also (for a few of you) are extroverted.

☆How does they see you?

Okay, this person will sense that you are very anxious and defensive when it comes to your emotions. I mean you may click with him mentally but won't open up to him emotionally because you'll see that he is not the type to contain someone's vulnerability. I see that they'll see that you enjoy your solitude and doesn't mind staying alone and above all you don't give a damn about people's opinions. I see that they'll see that you are emotionally mature, assertive and you'll help them be at peace and open their heart to you. This person will open their heart to you but when it comes to you; you won't be as open to them emotionally which will make them feel uncomfortable. There's a lot of struggle here especially about opening up, I mean you might show this person empathy and kindness but you won't be open to receive anything like that from them you'll be like "no sir, save your love to yourself I'm not opening up to you". There's this sense that you are so closed off and ambiguous. You will try to be as secretive as possible and you won't talk too much about yourself which will make them even more curious to get to know you. I see also that you may be someone who have the tendency to avoid confrontation and don't like to be confronted too which will make them even more curious. Also they sense that you are super guarded and won't open up to them easily. And they hate it and love it at the same time. It is like (the reason why you won't open up) is that you have a specific version or standard in your head about love and relationships and this person doesn't fit any... which will make you feel super secretive and ambiguous about your private life in front of them, especially your own feelings and vulnerability.

☆Their intentions:

Hmmm, Okay... this person want to shift your views on love. I see that they'll have a crush on you for sooo long until they come in and say the three words because you are guarded. They want to take from from your responsibilities and help you with them. They want you to be more relaxed and open with them. And they want to be very clear with you. They might tend to be blunt with people but with your specifically they'll be extra blunt and straightforward with their thoughts so you don't doubt their intentions. They want to keep their intentions hidden from you (not in a bad way it is just they feel that you are not as open to talk about their feelings to you). They will be the typical lover in the relationship. But mainly a crush. I see that they'll tell you that they have a crush on you but when you start to loosen up a little. I see that they want to work as a team with you and divide responsibilities and burdens with you, this person want to show you that they are serious and won't deceive you. They are super straightforward and obvious, no games or manipulation and they freaking hate it. They want you to open up to them, they want to melt the ice on your heart and they want to see you clearly without masks. They want your mask to fall off, they want to see you deeply for who you are.

☆Placements for them:

Gemini, Aquarius, Aries, Virgo, Libra, Dominant planets are mercury, Saturn, Uranus. Sun or moon in the 1st, 3rd, 11th, 6th, 7th house in their chart. They may be air and earth as the most dominant elements in their chart because they are super logical and practical.

Pile 4 - Angelic ceiling

☆ Energy check:

Okay, this is a general energy check so if you felt like none of what you reading resonates then skip to the next portion or chose another pile. Thank you🤍....

I see someone here is finally out of a very bad period or phase in their life. I see that someone here was very overwhelmed and falling in despair. Someone here faced a lot of financial difficulties and setbacks. Someone here is healing using crystals and reiki or going to a professional therapist. I see also that someone here is getting out or moving on from a heartbreak, perhaps it was the reason why you felt super unfocused or like something here is ambiguous. But I do see that in this period you are healing and embracing self-love. Someone here started to recognize their own worth within their community and trying to move on from whatever that caused them disappointed and heartbreak especially within your group or community like your friends, family or colleagues. I see also that someone here is super tired, I started to feel sleepy or drowsy all of sudden. Perhaps your sleeping schedule is messy right now and you need a healthier approach for that. Anyways, I see that alot of you are breaking free and healing their attachment style. Perhaps, you have never had healthy relationships because you were anxious or avoidant but anyways. Someone here also have a close birthday, they want me to tell you "happy birthday, your name" and they wish you the best. Also, I kept have emphasis on new born, your brother had a baby? Someone here was just born. Anyways, I see also that you'll have a fresh start that will help you open up to life. It is like you are telling yourself that this is a new Era of me and I won't back off. Good luck pile 4 I hope you get what you aim for🤍.

☆Placements for you:

Libra, Aquarius, Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer, strong Uranus in big 3. Sun or moon in the 7th, 11th, 6th, 10th, 4th house in your chart. We have also Uranus, Saturn, Mars dominant in your chart.

☆Who?

Okay, I don't think you'll be open to that person much because they might not be your typical go to. Anyways, this person is someone who is boring and pessimistic. They don't have any idea what fun is like. They are very chill, very calm or they used to be like that but I don't think they have a very rich inner world. They give me nerd vibes, someone who knows a lot of stuff and have knowledge. They might surprise you with information that you had no idea about. This person have a problem opening up to people, because someone here rejected them or broke their heart. Also, I see that this person didn't have a lot of relationships and probably is a virgin too. Anyways, this person and despite what they went through they have this confidence to them that make them stand out. There might not be a flashy "look at me" type of confidence, no they display it calmly, they don't pose for the audience, they do that for themselves. I see also that they look very attractive or beautiful but not in the way you might go for. Like... if you usually go for blondes then they may have dark features that stand out and make them super attractive. Anyways, you'll meet this person by a messenge. Also, someone old here will be the reason for your interaction. So maybe someone old will set you up together or something like that. I see that this older person sees that you need a little spice in your life right now and want to help you get in with someone. That's what I'm seeing. Also, this person is very charismatic and cooperative, they like charming people. This person is straightforward and obvious about their intentions, they don't hide stuff because they see that there's no use of playing games. That's what I'm seeing. Also, this person have gone through a lot of problems to settle down by themselves, and they had a lot of money problems, but right now I see thr they are in a more stable phase than before

☆ How will they see you?

I see that at first they might take an impression about you that is not quite what you are but as they get to know you, they'll understand and see you. This person at first will see that you are super ambiguous and unclear. Like you are hiding something. They'll also think that you are very indecisive and cocky. But as they get to know you, they'll see you as someone who is confident and very intuitive. There's this fire and sensuality to you that will draw them in. I see that you might appear to rely on your intuition alot and also they'll see that you are a very cozy person. Someone who make them feel safe and emotionally fulfilled which will make them super happy. I see also that you'll wake up the desire in them. Because as I said that they might be a virgin and haven't had any intimate experiences, they'll see that you are something so sexy and confident in themselves. They see also that you are very content and happy on your own and you don't need people's validation to feel important. I see also that after getting to know you they'll be quite afraid of disappointing you or letting you down because you cut people easily out of your life. They'll think also that you are very idealistic in your approach to relationship and that nothing is always perfect. They'll feel like you in their life is a very fresh start for them to unlock something new. Especially in their romantic life. They'll see also that you are quite funny and extroverted or someone who is talkative. They might struggle to talk about themselves because of their personality but anyways.

☆ Their intentions:

I see that this person will get a tower moment when they get to know you and they'll know that you are the one they want something long term with. They might have been in their solitude or loneliness for a prolonged period of time and when they met you something felt right and clicked immediately. They also hope that you'll be open to be with them long-term because they don't play around at all. First, they'll want to get to know you. Perhaps, romance you up a lot and then they want to rush you into commitment. If you are okay with that then it's fine but if you feel like this is lovebombing then you can step aside and talk to them to slow down. Tell them that long-term relationship need time to develop and that they cannot rush things. Also, because they don't have experiences then they might think that this is love or deep emotional connection. I see that they might not know how to deal with that but they are open to guidance though. They don't want to play around and break hearts, no they want something stable and they hope they can find it with someone who is serious and stable.

☆Placements for them:

Taurus, Leo, Libra, Cancer, Sagittarius. Strong solar energy, sun, mars, Saturn, Venus, jupiter dominant in their chart. 2nd, 4th, 5th, 9th house stallium in their chart.

Post date: 17th Feb-2025 /Mon

*Feedback is appreciated

[ghostlyferrettarot]

🐰Pick a Picture:𖦹 ׂ 𓈒🐇 ೀFacts you need to know about your spiritual family𖦹 ׂ 𓈒🐇 ೀ

☆Dolls and Pics by: esoteric.dolls on ig

❗️This is a collective reading, take what resonates and leave the rest❗️

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🩶Masterlist🩶

🐭Pile 1:

🍡They are always aware of your emotions, even when you don't express them. They know when you are feeling sad, insecure, or exhausted, and they send you signs of support without you having to ask for it.

🍡When things get tough, your spirit family infuses you with a quiet strength. They don't push you, but they hold you up, like an invisible pillar that helps you stay on your feet.

🍡They feel so calm and relaxed, but they have a quiet strength that is felt in times of despair or exhaustion. It's as if they are telling you, “You've got this, you've always had this inside you.”

🍡Many of them feel a strong connection to natural elements, such as air, water, or earth. Sometimes they send you signs through nature, such as a flower that appears unexpectedly or a bird singing.

🍡In times when you need direction, they send you subtle signs, like intuitions or small flashes of clarity, to guide you toward your true path. Rabbits can be important <3 if you see these or love this animals its probably a sign of them. Extended reading on Patreon: Channeled Letter from your spiritual family⋆.˚🦋༘⋆

🐹Pile 2:

🎂 They are like invisible guardians, always watching from the background, watching your steps without interfering. Sometimes this can manifest as a feeling of being “watched over” without you being able to pinpoint where it is coming from.

🎂 While they don’t always give you direct answers, their way of guiding you is through little synchronicities and signs. Sometimes it’s a repeating number, a song you hear, or a dream that leaves you with a sense of peace. I see them manifesting a lot in dreams, you may be someone who has lived dreams.

🎂They always make you feel like you’re at home, even if you’re in a place that feels strange or unfamiliar to you. They have the ability to make you feel loved and safe no matter the external circumstances.

🎂 They are incredibly proud of your accomplishments, both big and small. Every step you take towards your purpose is a reason for celebration for them <3, they are honestly so sweet :") also, Short and Sweet from Sabrina Carpenter may be something important.

🎂 When you are sad or lonely, it is common to feel a loving presence close to you, like an invisible hug. That is their way of being there without invading your space, but giving you comfort. Extended reading on Patreon: Channeled Letter from your spiritual family⋆.˚🦋༘⋆

🐙Pile 3:

🥫 They see the beauty in your vulnerability, and instead of expecting you to be perfect, they encourage you to be yourself and embrace your imperfections, they want you to not be so hard on yourself.

🥫 No matter what you do or how you feel, their love for you never changes. They always accept you as you are, with all your ups and downs.

🥫 They manifest a lot in your creative enrgy, for example when you get a random idea or when you are doing your hobby, those are the moments in which you will feel their presence closer.

🥫 They prefer harmony. When they realize that you are surrounded by negative energy or conflicts, they try to calm the situation or give you space so you can find your inner peace.

🥫 They bring a sense of calm to your life, especially when things are out of control. Although they don't intervene directly, you can feel the stillness they leave in the air when you're surrounded by their energy. Extended reading on Patreon: Channeled Letter from your spiritual family⋆.˚🦋༘⋆

𖦹 ׂ 𓈒🐇 ೀThanks for reading and tell me if it resonated𖦹 ׂ 𓈒🐇 ೀ

[moniquill]

sorry for mislabeling tags; I did not mean for this post to be accusatory - it's important for people who hear the constant refrain of 'Your family loves you (You must forgive them)' to also hear the far-less-often-spoken truth of 'Whether they love your or not, the abuse is real and your trauma is real' - particularly in the US there is an extant culture of "If someone does something out of love, if they're trying their best, you are not allowed to feel bad or bitter or angry or any other negative emotion."

I understand that you have almost certainly been told that exact thing, implicitly or explicity.

For you and everyone else whose families have caused them trauma: It does not matter if they love you. I does not matter if they did their best. Your hurt is real, and valid, and you are allowed to feel it without apologies or caveats.

sorry for mislabeling tags; I did not mean for this post to be accusatory - it's important for people who hear the constant refrain of 'Your family loves you (You must forgive them)' to also hear the far-less-often-spoken truth of 'Whether they love your or not, the abuse is real and your trauma is real' - particularly in the US there is an extant culture of "If someone does something out of love, if they're trying their best, you are not allowed to feel bad or bitter or angry or any other negative emotion."

I understand that you have almost certainly been told that exact thing, implicitly or explicity.

For you and everyone else whose families have caused them trauma: It does not matter if they love you. I does not matter if they did their best. Your hurt is real, and valid, and you are allowed to feel it without apologies or caveats.

I have written about this before:

[burgerrat]

Harley Sawyer x Reader

NOTE: reader is gender-neutral. Scenarios are often sporiadic.

( Because there's little to none and it upsets me greatly how out of character people write him as or label him as yandere, in the few writings there are about him. So I'm going to try my hardest to keep him strictly canon. )

Pre-Experiment 1354.

At first he might come across as grouchy, irritable even.

Then, there is interest. Genuine interest. He wants to study you, see what makes you tick.

Realistically, Harley seems to be quite literally incapable of caring about anyone that isn't himself in a normal way most would expect. His form of feeling 'love', in his mind, is really just a sugarcoated form of saying "I need you alive, you are useful and resourceful to keep."

He does not feel love in the traditional way, that doesn't mean he doesn't care for you. He just does not feel.

His way of showing love is through acts of service, verbal affirmations and gift-giving. He keeps a list of what you like, your interests, and important dates.

Complimenting him or any sort of praise instantly sends dopamine in his brain. Inflating his ego. Automatically in his best mood.

And boy is he smug. He doesn't even attempt to hide it.

He'll keep a facade, perhaps not even tell you about the kind of 'workplace' he's part of at Playtime Co., he needs you to trust him, and you can trust him! He needs you.

Although he uses emotional manipulation, it is not done with malicious intent. He seeks to build a meaningful relation with this person that he wants by his side.

You can sometimes tell he's very... robotic with his behaviour, his gentle voice can only make his charm go so far.

But god does he try, he doesn't even get mad and threaten you for forgetting to take out the sweet pickles in his sandwich! Instead politely reminding you that he dislikes them😁

His perception of having a partner is a very alien concept to him. It feels like focusing on his work for another Bigger Bodies Iniciative experiment, there's that same passion behind to get to know you. He carefully constructs a face to seem normal for you, and studies your behaviour in the back of his mind. Observes you, takes note of what you tell him, etc.

He acts like he's studying a future guinea pig for Playtime Co., honestly. Yet the thought of using you never even crossed his mind.

Physical contact is another thing that feels alien to him, you can feel him stiffen when you hug him, he remains frozen for a few seconds before reciprocating. You can get a small glimpse of his almost-robotic attempt to recreate genuine human emotion. He'd start sputtering incoherently when you'd suddenly give him a peck on the lips.

"No, don't worry, you don't need to ask for my consent, I allow it, you and only you are allowed. I was simply unprepared."

You of course get concerned everytime he freezes or doesn't respond right away, thinking you've crossed boundaries since he noticeably grows tense. But he's always reassured you that he does not mind, he merely gets surprised.

The one time you've managed to aggravate him is by being so insistent on making sure he was consenting because of his initial reactions. He wouldn't audibly admit "Yes I like you holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me." But he WILL angrily tell you something along the lines of "I do cherish your displays of affection. Believe me, you will know if something upsets me."

It's a half-joke half-genuine warning. He's aware of his inability to get along with most people because of his anger.

With you... he's making an attempt to be less volatile. Even at work his shift in behaviour is noticeable when he thinks of you.

He genuinely struggles to grasp the concept of why he'd allow himself to have a loved one at all, having internal fights with himself about the 'pointlessness' of it, realizing the hypocricy of it given his disgust at others for feeling sympathy for his experiments.

He eventually comes to terms that he is allowed to have a loved one because he deserves to be appreciated for his work and how hard it is to share his workspace with people who are objectively inferior and incompetent.

He makes sure to keep this relationship secretive as humanly possible. The last thing he needs is for Leith or anyone at Playtime Co. to discover he has a weakness. He has a loved one too.

Although he doesn't show it, and you need constant reminders from him, that he does enjoy physical contact, he's just kind of like a ragdoll. He allows it but doesn't often reciprocate, and when he tries to- it's often awkward and very automatic like he's trying to copy what you're doing, he prefers to recieve contact rather than giving it. Again, it's another thing that fuels his ego.

He doesn't understand you fully, your compassion, your display of emotion, your sympathy.

And it's what draws him further in, mixed with disgust at how 'lovable' you are. It makes him question himself (not in a moral/self-reflection way, oh no no no, more of a 'why do I like this? This is counterproductive for my work. But I like it.' way) and it makes him question human nature, what it is that draws us to seek closure in such a way towards one another.

He might get vocal about that. And you're going to end up getting a semi-pessimistic philosophy lesson, all because you wanted to cuddle.

Post-Experiment 1354.

Remember his ragdoll-non reciprocative behaviour when you'd initiate physical contact? Suddenly he regrets not having indulged you more often, or asked for more.

Probably laughs at himself over the irony of how he didn't value simple things he had daily access to, and now that has been taken away, and he resents that.

Should you be able to find him in this state, in however way you managed to dig so deep into the foundation to find him, and should you be able to still see him with the same eyes you did before even in the state he's in, discovering what he'd done. Well, you'll make his (metaphorical) jaw drop.

After the shock, there is an uncharacteristic fear. Because of the Prototype, it must know you are here just as well as he does, but it does not know your connection to him, and he must keep it that way.

You refuse to go? He'll go on a long-winded monologue about himself (of course), how stupid one must be to refuse to run away from danger, proudly boasts about his work, it's purpose, long story-short: he fully tears off the mask. Because what he wants is to get you out. He doesn't want you to leave him, but you are useless to him if you are dead.

You want to stay? Even after all of this? With the state that he's in? Being only a brain, lungs and liver inside Vital System Center machines?

He laughs. Starts genuinely pondering your sanity, and survival instincts.

As you approach the large machinery containing his mind, visible through the glass, his laughs grow silent. Waiting.

"Do you think yourself a hero? Coming to rescue the beast?" He'd condescendingly ask you to break the silence, dead-serious and mildly irritated that you'd be that stupid to risk your own survival for him.

"I don't. You deserved it."

Silence. Then, laughter booming through the lab.

"My, my! And here I thought you were always such an understanding golden heart. What happened to the old Y/N?"

You two argue. He's very mad at you for being so stubborn on staying with him even though now you know in full detail of just how evil he is. As if your relationship with him can ever go back to normal like before.

You are within his grasp, in his lab, deep down an abandoned toy factory. He could turn you into his next, newest experiment, he could feed you to Yarnaby, he could dissect you and keep you alive just like himself.

Yet he doesn't.

Something in his evil, metaphorical heart stirs.

You, the only person that he could tolerate. Could get along with. That he felt... something for. Something worth keeping.

"I've missed you."

Make no mistake, he says that with absolute seething spite. He hates the sentence he just uttered from the speakers.

But alas, it is a bitter truth.

Silence

...

He can't feel per-say your arms wrap awkwardly around the giant machinery containing his mind, but he sees it through his cameras, ever so-intently observing you; he heard it, as your clothes' fabric brushed and pressed against the metal.

Another incredulous laughter rasped from the speakers.

Though he can't feel it, it... warms him, in a way, that you still somehow find it possible to 'love', to care.

"I wonder... perhaps, somewhere deep down, we share a kinship of depravity? Or maybe you're just blindly loyal as my dear Yarnaby?" He'd playfully mock.

One thing is for certain though: you intrigue him. He doesn't understand you, your affections towards him, and it makes him want to keep studying you.

His mechanical vessels are a bit trickier to 'cuddle' with, if at all. You're welcome to try, Harley won't stop you, just be careful not to open a wound that'll require stitches.

He does appreciate the effort. And this time, unlike when he was human, he initiates contact first.

His hand reaches for yours, guides you to touch his screen. Although he can't feel it, he tries recreating the sensation in his mind.

You hear him sigh often when he feels content. And/or hum.

He might grumble incoherently in the typical old man fashion and try to pick at you in his typical, eloquent way of speaking, if you try to point out his hypocrisy towards his carelessness for others having loved ones.

[bitchface24-7]

just imagining a jayce talis x reader where he comes home with a few burn marks from the forge and the reader helps soothe themmm💗💗

BURNS - JAYCE X READER

synopsis: Jayce works in the forge often, this obviously can have some negative side effects, like the odd burn mark. Jayce doesn't care for them, they don't bother him. But you do. So you care when he doesn't, at the end of the day; it starts to make him care too.

warnings: burns (1st and 2nd degree), care for burns, Jayce being relatively indifferent to them and not taking care of them, fluff, Grammarly as my beta

genre: m/f or m/m

p.s. I'd be a worry wart over Jayce getting a burn, honestly. So here's a little blurb about that exact scenario. I suffered a bad 2nd-degree burn when I was 6, so I'm putting my experience into this a bit. Was not a fun time 0/10 do not recommend it (also don't put steaming cups of hot water for tea at the edge of the table with a long ass tablecloth where you know a tiny child can't reach to get up onto the chair without assistance from said table. Love my grandparents, and great aunts and uncles but they hardcore fumbled with this one)

Jayce has been working in the forge for as long as he can remember.

So he's grown up around the tools, the techniques, the heat, and the eventual injuries obtained through said profession.

He's gotten used to it. The odd burn here or there. He runs a little cool water under the burn, slaps on a bandaid if he feels like it and continues on with his day.

Not you.

You worry and take very good care of him. The proper ointments, bandages, secures, changing and cleansing periods. All of it.

Jayce thought it was a bit silly at first, you worrying over such small burns, until it was a nastier burn.

He's not sure how it happened, but his upper thigh got a rather nasty burn on it. Peeling skin, blisters and boils on his inner thigh, red painful skin. He could barely walk, a pitiful limp was the best he got.

Luckily for him, he has you. Luckily for him Viktor had a question and came to the forge when he saw the accident occur and was able to contact you immediately and get Jayce the help he needed.

The hospital took care of Jayce, told you how to care for the burn, and instructed Jayce not to do any vigourous movement. No bike riding, swimming, running, hell! He even had to be extremely careful when walking.

You took to caring for him like a duck takes to water. You did everything perfectly. Kept his burn cared for, helped him walk, made sure he wasn't in any pain. And everytime you finished caring for him, you'd kiss his forehead.

Sometimes he thought he would cry. With how overwhelmed he felt, with his emotions all over the place, he was certain one of these days he'd just cry into your shoulder.

The amount of care and love he's receiving is almost inconceivable.

He's very grateful you're a worry wart, this would have been awful without you around.

Thank goodness you're his.

Poor baby 🥺 good thing were here to care for him!

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Feb 17th

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1. Hi! I'm trying to find two fics

A) The first one has a scene where wei wuxian and lan wangji meet on the roof during their first meeting and then go to the jingshi. It's either a time travel fic or soulmate au I think (less sure about this partas I could be mixing up fics but I think there was a point where jiang cheng asks where his brother was last night and he replies honestly but jiang cheng doesn't believe him)

B) and the second one was a fic where wei wuxian and lan wangji were penpals before they met at the cloud recess set in canon era

Please help 😭 I'm going crazy

Hi! I'm #1 in Feb 17th ff! B is correct but I'm not sure about A I think they both stayed all night in the jingshi but I could be wrong :/

1A)

NOT FOUND! We Can See a New Start by preciousbunnynoiz (M, 127k, WangXian, XiCheng, XuanLi, MingYao, Soulmates, Time Travel Fix-It, Biting, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, but mentally they are adults, Making Out, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Happy Ending, PTSD, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Supportive LWJ, Communication, Soul Bond, Blood, Found Family, Parent-Child Relationship, aromantic JC, Lesbian WQ, Queerplatonic Relationships, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Disassociate episodes, disassociating, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Depression, Delusions, Mental Health Issues, Mental Breakdown, Attempted Sexual Assault, Therapy, Supportive JC, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Family Feels, Implied/Referenced Torture, Revenge, Self-Sacrifice, Accidental Bonding, Brotherly Bonding)

FOUND! Time and Time Again by Jammingjackelopes (M, 115k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Husbands, Established Relationship, Temporary Character Death, BAMF LWJ, Consensual Kink, Time Travel, Domestic Fluff)

FOUND! 🧡 built by the fires of volcanoes by isabilightwood (T, 26k, wangxian, time travel, crack treated seriously, canon divergence, fluff & humor) It's kind of hilarious, and the running gag is that wwx shamelessly always sleeps in the jingshi with lwj (I mean, as far as THEY are concerned, they've been married for years) but jc's denial is strong, and he insists on not believing where wwx spent the night.

1B)

FOUND!🔒Epistolary by beeswaxing (T, 7k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Different First Meeting, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Epistolary, Pre-Canon)

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2. hello! i’m looking for this fic i read a while back, but wwx and lwj went night hunting and wwx got cursed and turned into a female, and lwj doesn’t wanna do everyday and wwx doesn’t understand and then they finally do and wwx ends up pregnant while a female and then after giving birth is still female and in the end they go back to where it first happened after everything to give thanks to having been given a chance to have a child.

thank you for all you do! @dxsktodxwn

FOUND? In Sickness and In Health (And In Strange and Unexpected Times Too) by purplemonster (E, 28k, WangXian, Fem! WWX, Mpreg, well technically not mpreg since he's a woman Fluff and Smut)

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3. Hello again! I have another ask for the fic finder. I can’t remember all the points in the story but I know at one point Wei WuXian was out when he came across Jin Ling’s dog Fairy that had fallen in a trap set up by other Jin Sect members who liked to bully and pick on Jin Ling. Fairy’s hurt and Wei WuXian gets down into the trap too. Fairy makes the situation easier for Wei WuXian by not making sudden movements. Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling, who are out looking for Fairy, are led by Wei WuXian’s paper man to where Fairy fell. Then Jiang Cheng and Wei WuXian lift Fairy out of the trap together. This is not the focal point of this fic but it is a memorable scene. Thanks in advance! @jikcf

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4. Hiii! I don't really remember a lot about this fic. I just know that in a celebration, I think, someone Spike the Lan's tea, and the left LZ unattended. He did something and it caused some misunderstanding. Plssss help me find this fic T^T! Thank you!!!

FOUND? 🧡 The Teapot Plot by ToxicAngel13 (M, 51k, WangXian, NieLan, Misunderstandings, Plots, protective Jiang siblings, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Idiots in Love, Damn Jins, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Pre-Burial Mounds, Potential for M-Preg, Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Idiots Everywhere, LWJ's Biting Kink, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Protective LWJ, Protective WQ, Protective JYL)

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5. hello im looking for a fic where lxc visits lotus pier while everyone is having dinner(?) and wwx is wondering why everyone is kinda hostile towards lxc. and someone, maybe jc, says lxc killed wwx at nightless city. i appreciate any help finding this fic!

FOUND? 🔒❤️ kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst, [Podfic] kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by contributor-sky (deepestbluesky), esbielle was also here (esbielle), glittercracker, GodOfLaundryBaskets, jellyfishfire, kisahawklin, Koontyme, Rionaa, semperfiona)) 5 might be Kick at the Darkness 'Til it Bleeds Daylight. The scene described is towards the very end of the fic

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6. Hi! I’ve discovered so many lovely fics through this blog, I really appreciate it! I was hoping you all could help me find a fanfic that I’ve been having trouble locating.

After the Qiongqi prison camp break out, LWJ finds WWX and the Wens on the road, and takes them to Gusu. Most of the Wen are hidden in Caiyi town, bc the citizens of Caiyi town love and trust their Second Jade of Lan and are willing to take in and shelter people at his request. Wen Qing is hidden in the women’s portion of Cloud Recesses. WWX may have been in the Jingshi with LWJ? They exist there, quite peaceably for weeks, with no issues, I think?

Meanwhile, Lanling Jin has put about the WWX and his escaped Wen cultivators have been roaming around the countryside attacking villages with, uh, probably actually attacked villages and deaths to back that story up. LXC has been in Lanling this entire time, I don’t recall what he was doing. On his return to Cloud Recesses, he discovers that WWX and Co have been comfortably ensconced there since the breakout and couldn’t have committed any of the attacks the Jin have blamed on them.

Aaand, that’s about what I remember. I’d really appreciate any suggestions anyone thinks might be it or similar fics. thank you!

FOUND? 💙 Paths untaken by apathyinreverie (T, 6k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, canon divergence, fix-it, fluff, not cultivation world friendly, smitten LWJ)

FOUND? 🧡 Weep You No More, Sad Fountains by athena_crikey (T, 48k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-it fic, Whump, Curses, Fever, Delirium, Stabbing, Loneliness, Confessions) is probably not because the beginning is completely different, but it similarly has the wens in caiyi and some other parts sound similar!

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7. Hello! I just wanna know a fanfic where lan shizui was adopted by lan wangji because wei ying was in a hospital after the burnt house of the wen, I think he was kicked out of the jiangs but after getting kicked the jiangs wanted him back again after calming down but he said no because he lived with the wens now so back to the point wei ying was in a hospital for many years (comatose?) and lan shizui was confused who was in the photo on lan wangji bedroom (he forgot his childhood) and he took the frame and Jin ling saw it and recognized it and so on and forth (please help me) @lanwuxian0725

FOUND? Good Little Rabbit, Open The Door by ElopeToTheSea (G, 33k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff and Angst, Family Fluff, Kid Fic, Adopted Children, Family Angst, Lullabies)

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8. hello again! I'm looking for a fic that is incomplete (or was when i read it). It takes place during WWX's growing up with the Jiangs. There is an emperor who is a young boy. He meets with the clans every year for tax purposes and for the clans to report how many yao they've killed, etc. WWX goes on a long journey to find/make his spiritual sword? He makes friends with a general in the emperor's army, I think. Thanks for your help! @classygreydove

FOUND! ❤️A Burning Cold by MountainRose (G, 29k, Chronic Illness, Pre-Canon, Nirvana in Fire Fusion, Character Study, Wen Bullshit, Snow Beetle Poison) The general was from Nirvana in Fire (I think), but it's not a complete crossover so it wasn't losted in the fandoms. If it is this one, thank Mojo for including it on the rec blog!

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9. Hello !! I've been searching for a fic where WWX is staying at the Jingshi (at some point he makes a lotus pond, and I believe he might've had a garden). He thinks he's unwelcome, and that LWJ is just keeping him around bc he feels obligated. The juniors know LWJ is head-over-heels for WWX & scheme to get them to confess to each other (resulting in disastrous consequences). I also remember LSZ eating with them in the Jinshi at some point. @blundering-owl

FOUND? call me home and I'll build you a throne by anaphoricae (E, 51k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Cloud Recesses, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, Self-Indulgent, Gusu Lan Juniors Dynamics, Touch-Starved, Non-Sexual Intimacy... and then Sexual Intimacy, Lán Juniors Gossiping about Wangxian, as a treat, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Farmer WWX, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Mutual Pining, Communication, Quietly Falling Into a Married Life, Light Angst, Wholesome, POV LWJ, POV WWX, LWJ in braids agenda, Sharing a Bed, WWX's Birthday, Semi-Public Sex, Cold Springs, Inventor WWX, Jealous WWX) sounds somewhat like call me home and I'll build you a throne

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10. For fic finder, please! I am looking for a war prize/arranged marriage au where LWJ is given to the Yiling Laozu. The sects think of YLLZ as an evil terror and so LWJ is scared of him at the start. The plot point that I remember is that LWJ isn’t allowed to send letters or something, so after a few months without hearing from him LXC assumes his brother has been killed and he shows up to plead with the YLLZ to take his brother’s body home. WY invites him inside and LXC sees LWJ is actually fine. I don't think WY lets the brothers speak/meet, they can only see each other from across the hall. But after that WY lets them send letters. Thank you in advance for any fics you can point me to!

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11. Hi there. Looking for a fanfic where lan wangji saves sect leader nies life by hearing the sabre screaming in pain? Sounds funny but I remember LAN wangji being very attune to sounds.

FOUND? Consequences by Remma3760 (Not Rated, 58k, WangXian, XiSu, XuanLi, Canonical Child Abuse, Abusive YZY, Good Uncle LQR, WWX is a Lan, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Bad Parents JFM and YZY) I think the scene described in 11 is from chapter 12 of Consequences

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12. Hi there! I’m looking for a fanfic where Wei Wuxian dies. I believe Jiang Cheng kids out he/she has kids and takes them back to Lotus Pier… I don’t remember the whole thing but they are Lan Wangji’s kids. Oh and some point Wei Wuxian is brought back to life? I know there is one similar called “from night to night of you I dream” but I was so sure there was another one… thanks!

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13. Hi, so I have trouble finding a fic I read, it might have been a time travel fix it. The only scene I remember is between Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang, where I think Mingjue is shocked about something Huaisang does and he replies something along the line of " Da-ge if you had died during the war, I would have lead our sect and won the war". I probably didn't halucinate this existing so if anyone remember where this is from, I would be utterly thankful. @creepygirl27

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14. hi im looking for this fic where people who are close to wei ying begin to notice bruises and marks on his body. they assume he's being abused by his boyfriend, lan zhan, and one of his friends or family (can't remember who) confront wei ying about it trying to help him. wei ying laughs and says they're all just sex marks @ashxi-wx

FOUND? (I should’ve known) I always knew by ilip13 (E, 187k, WangXian, WIP, Modern, Misunderstandings, Unreliable Narrator, Unreliable tagging, Sexuality Crisis, Friends to Lovers, First Time, Developing Relationship, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, POV WWX, Please read the author's note for more info, Eventual Happy Ending, Gray-Asexuality, Demisexuality, Masturbation, Dom/sub Undertones, Rape Fantasy, Anal Fingering, Barebacking, Homophobia, Rimming, Rough Sex, Mildly Dubious Consent, Subspace, Subdrop, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Undernegotiated Kink, Semi-Public Sex, Breathplay, Breaking Up & Making Up, Hurt/Comfort, How to kink negotiate without kink negotiation: the extended saga) There is also a scene like it in Incendir's White Flag, but not with family but a healer.

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15. Does anyone remember a short story where Wangxian were taking the classes you need to to become foster parents and one of their teachers brings up something that upsets Wei Wuxian because the Jiangs never did that for him, and Lan Wangji comforts him. I think it was about being the primary caregiver for that child and the responsibilities inherent to that.

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16. Heyyy. Thank you so much for all the work you do In helping us helpless fans find lost fics.

I wanted to know if you could try and find me the fic where: Wei WuXian is kept captive in the Wen Sect. I think it was like a huge tower or something, I don't think he was ever adopted by Jiang (I think he was and dissappeard). Lan Wangji gets held captive and thrown in the cell of Wei WuXian and they bond even though Wei WuXian gets tortured more the Lan Zhan.

I remember Wei WuXian being a Phoenix (I think) and he always looks up at the sky wanting to be free. Eventually he manages to break Lan Zhan out of the prison and Lan Zhan comes back with back up and swords blazing but Wei WuXian already unleashed his Phoenix powers.

That's what remember.

Thank you so much on advance!!! @thewintersoldier2002

FOUND? a thousand hills, no birds in flight | 千山鳥飛絕 by defractum (nyargles) (E, 26k, WangXian, Mythology, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon adjacent setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort)

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17. for the next fic finder: there was a fic where wwx is a jiaoren, living on a lake and meadow being kinda of worshiped by the village where lwj is dealing with a case. i remeber that a'yuan is taken care of by wwx and is human, living in a kind of nest? the last thing that i remember was lwj taking his jiaoren and baby to gusu. unfortunaly i don't remember much

FOUND! The Tainted Waters of Hubei (Come Back with Me to Gusu) by LiJiejie (M, 50k, WIP, WangXian, Jiāorén, Canon Divergence, Hurt WWX, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Canon-Typical Violence, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, WWX is a Little Shit, WWX is Not Yiling Laozu, Minor Original Character(s), Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Mermaid WWX, Mutual Pining, Soft WangXian, Creature WWX, Adult WangXian, Adult Content)

~*~

18. Hi, I am looking for a fic where Lan Wangji, and maybe also Lan Xichen, turned to stone through a curse. Wei Wuxian was the one who investigated and eventually solved things. I feel like the title was something like "The Jade Curse" or something similar. Thank you for your help!

FOUND! 🧡 moonlight caught in mutton fat by Raitelzen (T, 45k, WangXian, Case Fic, Curses, Curse Breaking, Transformation, mild body horror, Hurt LWJ, Ghosts)

If 18 isn't Moonlight Caught in Mutton Fat (both jades are cursed) then here are a couple others I had that mostly fit: NOT FOUND! Frozen by Kaytla (T, 19k, WangXian, curse fic, Case Fic, Getting Together, First Kiss, Fairy Tale, Canon Divergence, Oblivious WWX, Pining LWJ, Light Angst) only LWJ is cursed NOT FOUND! A Curse of a Different Color by nickel710 (G, 35k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Modern with Magic, Modern Cultivation, Curses, Curse Breaking, Asexual polyamory, Repressed LWJ, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, kinda a sick fic but also kinda not, Drunk LWJ, Falling In Love, WWX Being an Idiot, Bunnies, Non-explicit vomit, just a tiny reference to it, Anxiety) modern, only lwj is cursed

NOT FOUND! The Jade Curse by Tabi_essentially (M, 62k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Body Horror, Angst, Curses, Curse Breaking, Cursed LWJ, Time Travel, Post-Canon, not an au, Other Lives, Soulmates, background implied past XiYao if you squint, Past NieLan, implied 3zun, LXC and WWX friendship, WQ/BSSR, LQR and WWX reconciliation, Good Uncle LQR, ZhuiYi if you squint, Non-Explicit Sex, (WWX/LWJ non explicit sex to be clear, Canon-Typical Violence, Harm to Children, canon typical harm to children, LXC is sort of psychic, LXC / SL friendship, WWX POV, LXC POV, POV Alternating, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Paperman!LWJ)

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19. Hi! For fic finder, please: I am looking for an arranged marriage au where Wei Wuxian married into the Lan clan and for some reason (I think because he was the “wife”) they placed him in the women’s section of the sect compound. The Jiang hadn’t separated by gender so he was used to working alongside women, but the Lan women were a little disturbed by his presence at first. But Wei Wuxian eventually was accepted by them and he started helping out with their tasks, making talismans and the like, and the women really supported him. I can’t remember how the fic ended or what Lan Wangji thought of Wei Wuxian being over there. Would love to read this again if anyone can point me towards it, thank you!

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20. Hello! The fic I’m looking for is an AU, modern setting, and I think? based off a movie? Though i don’t remember which one. LWJ was essentially kidnapped at a young age by the Wens and then “trained” to kill whoever they told him to. He escapes them and stumbles upon WWX. WWX runs a music shop, Wen Ning is very involved, Wen Yuan is a little kid and cared for by WWX. WWX assumes LWJ is just homeless and had a very bad life, ends up taking him in and helping him. Eventually the Wens are beaten and LWJ gets reunited with his brother he hardly remembers and learns how to be human again. I’m so annoyed that I can’t find my bookmark for this anymore lmao

FOUND? Across the street to another life by danegen (M, 99k, WangXian, Modern, unleashed au, Family Fluff, Set in America, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Addiction, Crime, Amnesia, Ableist Language, another fridged mother, POV Alternating, past wwx/ofc, past wwx/omc, Medium parent YZY, A-Yuan is wwx’s biological son, Musicians, Happy Ending)

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[snowysosturn]

Fire & Desire - Matt Sturniolo Part 16

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

Pairing: Y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Y/n has always clashed with Matt. Despite working for Chris’s clothing brand and being close with Nick, her relationship with Matt has always been tense at best. While being forced to be around each other more, their animosity turns into something deeper. Can they overcome their differences, or will their fiery emotions tear them apart?

Warnings: angst, tension, being drunk, emetophobia warning, vomiting

The walk back to the bar is painfully awkward. I keep a few steps ahead of Matt, my arms still crossed tightly over my chest, trying to comfort the sharp sting of rejection settling deep there. My legs move on their own, faster than they should in the sand, putting distance between me and Matt. I can hear him behind me, his footsteps a little slower, like he’s debating whether to say something.

But he doesn’t say a word.

Every step I take feels heavier, like the weight of what just happened is trying to pull me down into the sand. God I wished it was quick sand and would just swallow me whole. I keep walking, pushing forward, pretending that I don’t care. That it didn’t just happen. That it doesn’t matter.

I step off the beach and onto the pavement in my bare feet, not wanting to even say a word to Matt to get my shoes back. I see Nick, Chris, and Nate are standing outside the bar, still buzzing, drinks in their hands. They don’t notice me right away, but when they do, Nick’s face twists in confusion.

“Where the hell did you guys go?” His eyes dart between me and Matt, who’s still a few steps behind, still silent.

I clear my throat, trying to sound normal. “Just for a walk. I’m not feeling great.”

Nick’s brow furrows looking down at my bare feet. He doesn’t look convinced. But I don’t care.

“I’m going back to the villa” I add quickly, just wanting to escape. “I just.. I need to sleep.”

There’s a quick moment of silence.

Matt finally steps up beside me, still holding my heels, still not saying a word.

Nick tilts his head, looking between the two of us. His voice is softer this time. “You sure you’re good?”

I nod too fast. “Yeah.”

“You’re not going back alone.” His tone shifts, final. “We’re all trashed anyway. Let’s just head back.”

Chris groans, tipping his head back. “Bro, I was just about to get another drink-”

“You can drink at the villa” Nick snaps, already waving down a taxi. He turns back to me. “You’re really okay?”

I nod again, it feels like I might shatter if I do anything else.

A white taxi van pulls up to the curb, and instantly we’re all climbing in. I slide in first, sitting myself into the window seat of the back row like I can disappear into it. Matt hesitates before getting in next to me. The tension between us thick.

Chris and Nate slump into the middle row, both too drunk to care about whatever tension is crackling behind them between Matt and I. Nick takes the front seat, giving the driver the villa’s address.

We pull away from the bar, the neon lights blurring past the window. The silence is unbearable.

My fingers curl against my thighs. I refuse to look at Matt.

He shifts beside me. His arm brushes against mine, just for a second, before he pulls away.

He still has my heels in his lap.

I don’t say a word.

The taxi driver is weaving through the streets like he’s got nothing to lose, and honestly, it’s not helping. My stomach is already in knots, and every sharp turn makes it worse. I close my eyes, hoping to steady myself, but that only amplifies the spinning. The whole world tilts, and suddenly, I know, this is bad.

I’m going to be sick.

The moment the taxi pulls up to the villa, I don’t waste a second. I push the seat down infront of me and open the door, nearly tripping as I stumble out onto the pavement. My legs barely carry me forward as I break into a wobbly run.

I need to get to my room.

I bust through the villa's front door, making a beeline for the stairs. I hear voices behind me, Nick calling my name, Chris laughing drunkenly about something, Nate asking if I’m good, but I can’t focus on any of them. My vision is blurred, my feet feel like they might give out under me, I can feel myself getting hotter as my mouth starts to fill with saliva. I don’t even bother shutting the door behind me as I bolt into my room.

The ensuite is barely within reach before I collapse to my knees. My stomach flips violently, and then I’m gone, kneeling over the toilet, purging every ounce of alcohol and regret from my system.

The room is spinning. My hands are gripping the cold porcelain toilet bowl, knuckles white. I can hear footsteps approaching, but I don’t have the energy to turn and see who it is.

I just want this feeling to stop.

I feel someone crouch down nearby. A hand gently pulls my hair back, sweeping it away from my face, holding it steady as I brace myself over the toilet. My body shudders with the force of another wave of nausea, and I squeeze my eyes shut, mortified.

“It’s okay” a familiar voice coos. 

Matt.

I grip the edge of the toilet, trying to ground myself as my breathing evens out. My entire body feels weak, drained, and humiliated all at once. I shake my head, not even sure what I’m trying to say. Maybe go away, maybe stay, maybe why are you even here?

Matt doesn’t say anything else for a moment. He just rubs slow circles on my back, a comforting touch I didn’t know I needed.

When I finally dare to lift my head, I can see him in my peripheral. His brows are drawn together, concern showing across his features. He looks like he wants to say something but holds back.

“I’ll get you some water” he finally says, voice soft.

I don’t have the strength to argue. I nod weakly, my throat too raw to respond. I rest my forehead against the cool tiled wall to the side as he disappears.

A few minutes later, he’s back, putting a cold water bottle into my hands. I take a sip, the freezing liquid combating the acidic taste in my mouth. “Thanks” I mumble quietly, and he just nods, sitting down on the floor beside me, resting his arms on his knees.

I continue to get sick until there’s nothing left, my body trembling from the exhaustion of it all. My breathing is heavy, ragged, and my limbs feel impossibly weak. All I need now is bed. Just somewhere warm and steady to escape the spinning.

I try to stand, gripping onto the edge of the counter for balance, but the second I move, my legs betray me. The room tilts violently, and I stumble, bracing for the inevitable fall to the ground.

But it never comes.

Instead, Matt’s arms catch me, lifting me effortlessly into the air. I barely register what’s happening as Matt carries me out of the bathroom, his grip secure but careful, like I might break. My head lays against his chest, my body too drained to protest.

He gently places me on the edge of my bed, and before I can even process what’s happening, he’s pulling a soft t-shirt over my head, guiding my arms through the sleeves. His touch is firm but delicate, careful to keep my dignity intact as he covers me up, replacing the skimpy outfit I went out in.

I let out a frustrated sigh, suddenly aware of how gross I feel. “My makeup..” I mumble, my voice barely above a whisper.

Matt crouches in front of me, his eyes scanning my face before nodding. “Where’s your remover?”

I motion weakly toward my nightstand, and without hesitation, he grabs it, along with some cotton pads. He crouches onto his knees in front of me, then pours some micellar water onto a pad, and begins to wipe away my makeup. His touch is impossibly gentle, his fingers grazing my skin as he works in silence.

The intimacy of it all makes my chest tighten. I should be telling him to stop, that I can do it myself, not that I’m actually capable of it right now, but I don’t. I just sit there, letting him take care of me in a way that feels.. different. Unfamiliar, yet not unwelcome.

When he’s finished, he tosses the used cotton pads into the bin next to us and leans back slightly, studying me. The weight of his gaze makes me shift uncomfortably, embarrassment creeping in.

“I’m sorry” I whisper, my voice hoarse. “For being this drunk. For.. all of it.”

Matt shakes his head, his expression softening. “Don’t be.”

“But it’s-”

“It’s fine” he interrupts, his voice firm but kind. “You had a good night. You just had a little too much. It happens.”

I bite my lip, still feeling the humiliation settle deep in my bones. “It’s just.. embarrassing.”

Matt exhales, a small smirk playing at his lips. “You think this is embarrassing? Did we tell you the last time we were here Chris got so drunk he tried to fight a palm tree because he thought it was ‘looking at him funny.’”

I can’t help it. I let out a small, breathy laugh.

“There it is” Matt murmurs, his smirk growing. “Knew I’d get you to smile.”

I roll my eyes, but the warmth in my chest stays.

For a while, we just sit there in silence. The tension from earlier still lingers between us, thick and unspoken. I should be angry at him, for rejecting me, for making me feel stupid, but right now, his presence is the only thing steady around me, and I can’t bring myself to push him away.

Matt hovers for a moment, his eyes scanning my face like he’s making sure I’m really okay. I feel the weight of exhaustion pressing down on me, my body sinking into the mattress. Matt adjusts the bed covers on to me, making sure im comfortable. 

He exhales, standing up. “Get some sleep” he says softly. His voice is low, careful, like he doesn’t want to startle me.

I nod weakly, already feeling my eyelids grow heavier. I watch as he walks to the door, pausing just before stepping out. For a second, I think he might say something else, but instead, he just looks back at me before quietly slipping out of the room.

The second he’s gone, I exhale, releasing a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. My body melts into the bed, the alcohol still buzzing faintly in my system, but the exhaustion outweighs it now.

The next morning I’m woken up by my phone next to me buzzing. It's a message. From Matt. 

Matt: Let me know when you're awake

Oh no. 

What have I done? My face heats up. Does he want to talk about something? My mind races as I reply.

Me: Just woke up there, what's up?

And then nothing. For 20 mins I anticipate something, but nothing. I can't even bring myself to move from bed to figure out what it is because I'm that hungover.  I have to shut my eyes due to the pounding headache I have, which in turn, leads me to drift back off to sleep for further 10 mins until I'm woken again by my phone buzzing.

Matt: Check outside your bedroom door

What is he talking about? I mumble to myself. It takes everything in me to get out of bed and walk to the door. I open it and see nothing infront of me, until I look down and there sits a chocolate milkshake. Then my phone buzzes again.

Matt: I remember someone telling me you liked a milkshake after drinking

A small, tired smile tugs at my lips as I bend down to pick up the milkshake. The condensation from the plastic cup chills my fingers, and the sweet, chocolatey scent immediately makes my stomach growl, despite the hangover nausea still lingering.

I take a sip, the cold drink soothing my throat and my stomach. I let out a quiet sigh. The gesture is so simple, yet it makes my chest feel weirdly warm. 

I exhale, flopping back onto my bed. What is he doing? After last night, I’d half expected him to avoid me completely. To act like nothing happened. But this.. this feels like something.

Before I can overthink it, I send him a reply.

Me: Thanks, Matt. That was sweet.

This time, his reply comes almost instantly.

Matt: Don’t get used to it.

I roll onto my back, staring at the ceiling, my mind still clouded with needing sleep and the remnants of alcohol. Last night, he pulled away. Last night, he rejected me. And now.. now he’s leaving me hangover cures outside my door like he has some kind of guilty conscience? I’m not sure how to take it. But one thing I will take, is how well this milkshake is going down. I finish it off before falling into yet another nap.

I end up staying in bed for the rest of the day, drifting in and out of sleep, and by the quietness of the villa, Chris and Nate must have too. It wasn't until 7pm that I managed to drag myself downstairs. I followed the sound of voices and found the four boys sitting out on the patio next to the pool. 

I step outside, the warm evening air wrapping around me as I make my way toward them. Chris and Nate are slouched in their chairs, looking like they’ve been through hell and back. Nick is sipping water, his sunglasses still on even though the sun is setting. Matt sits next to him, spinning his empty water bottle on the table.

I clear my throat. “So.. how’s everyone feeling?”

Chris groans, running a hand through his messy hair. “Like absolute shit.”

Nate nods in agreement, his head tilted back against the chair. “I swear I almost saw the other side earlier. I don’t know how we drank that much.”

Nick chuckles, stretching his arms over his head. “Well, I had a great day. Me and Matt just chilled by the pool, watching you lot suffer.” He smirks at me. “How about you? You seemed rough this morning.”

I roll my eyes, stepping closer. “Yeah, thanks for that, Nick. I felt rough. Hence the reason I spent the whole day in bed.”

My eyes flick to Matt for a second, but he doesn’t look at me, just keeps spinning the bottle between his fingers.

Chris sighs. “Well, at least we survived.”

Nick groans, “Alright well, I don’t want to waste a night of us being boring. Me and Matt sat around all day while the rest of you were out of commission. We need to do something.”

As he’s talking, Chris suddenly stands up without a word and disappears inside. We all watch him go, but before anyone can question it, he returns moments later, a cold bottle of beer in his hand.

Nate squints at him. “What the hell are you doing?”

Chris twists off the cap with ease, taking a long sip before replying “The cure is the cause.” He smirks. “Only one way to cure a hangover.”

Nate blinks at him for a second, then shrugs. “You know what? That actually makes a weird amount of sense.” He pushes himself up and heads inside, coming back with a beer of his own.

That’s when all eyes land on me.

I raise my brows. “What?”

Nick grins. “You’re up, lightweight.”

I huff, crossing my arms. “I just recovered from last night.”

Chris tilts his head. “Then what’s one more drink?”

Matt finally looks at me, his lips twitching like he’s waiting to see what I’ll do.

I exhale through my nose, shaking my head with a small laugh. “Alright, alright.. Guess I’ll go get myself a drink too.”

I make my way to the kitchen and as I pour myself a vodka lemonade, Nick walks past me, heading upstairs.

"Where are you going?" I ask, watching him disappear up the steps.

"I’ll be back down in a minute" he calls over his shoulder.

I finish making my drink and step back outside, settling into a deck chair across from Matt. I avoid his gaze, the sting of last night’s rejection still fresh. Instead, I focus on the conversation around me, nodding along but barely listening.

Then, Nick returns, a mischievous grin spread across his face.

"Look what I brought!" he announces, holding up a familiar box.

I turn to see Twister in his hands, the same Twister I bought for what ended up being a disastrous game night at his place.

We decide to have a few more drinks before we play the game, to make it that bit more interesting. Nick, self appointed as the ‘Twister master’, lays the mat out on the patio and sits cross legged with the spinner in his lap, grinning like a game show host.

"Alright, degenerates, let's see who’s got the best flexibility."

Chris groans. "If I go down with a pulled muscle, I’m suing."

We all step onto the mat, and Nick spins the board.

"Right hand, red!"

We move into place, the game still innocent for now, just an excuse to laugh as we stretch around each other. Nate nearly falls immediately, making Chris shove him with his shoulder.

"Bro, we just started!" Chris laughs.

"Coordination isn’t my strong suit, remember?" Nate grumbles.

"Left foot, blue!" Nick calls out, and we scramble again, limbs starting to overlap.

It stays lighthearted, Chris and Nate playfully shoving each other, Nick laughing from his spot as he watches the chaos unfold. But then-

"Right hand, green" Nick announces.

Nate groans as he awkwardly stretches over Chris, struggling to reach the spot. "Nick, you’re making this shit up!"

Nick smirks. "I’m just reading what it says, kid. Try not to fall."

We continue twisting and contorting ourselves into ridiculous positions, the occasional accidental bump or brush of skin sending bursts of laughter through the group.

Then comes the moment it all starts to fall apart.

"Left foot red!"

Nate stretches, his foot slipping slightly. "Shit! Shit!"

And then, like a slow motion disaster, he completely loses his balance, his arms flailing before he crashes onto his side, groaning dramatically. "I hate this game."

"First one down!" Nick announces, pointing at him like a referee.

Chris chuckles, shifting his stance. "Better luck next round, bro."

But karma strikes fast.

The next spin forces Chris into an awkward stretch over me, his grip unstable. His foot wobbles, and before he can recover, he tips over, falling onto Nate, who lets out another exaggerated groan.

"Are you serious?" Nate huffs.

"Alright, alright" Chris laughs, rolling off. "I’m out."

That leaves just Matt and I.

The tension shifts instantly.

Nick spins the board again, smirking like he knows exactly what he’s doing. "Right hand yellow."

Matt and I both stretch for the same circle, his arm brushing against mine as we reach. My breath catches for half a second, but I refuse to let it throw me off.

"Left foot blue!"

This time, I have to stretch under him, my back arching awkwardly beneath his body. I can feel the warmth of him hovering just inches above me, his breath fanning against my skin as his horse necklace dangles near my face.

"Comfortable down there?" Matt murmurs, a teasing tone to his voice.

"Shut up and focus" I retort, trying not to sound breathless.

But then comes the next move.

"Right hand red."

It forces Matt to reach over me, his body shifting dangerously off balance. I can feel the slight tremble in his arm as he stretches, his chest practically pressing against mine.

And then-

His arm gives out.

"Fuck!"

Before I can react, he topples forward, and in an instant, his weight sends me down with him.

The fall happens too fast to catch myself, and suddenly, I'm on my back, Matt landing right on top of me. The impact knocks the breath out of me, my hands instinctively gripping onto him to steady myself.

For a moment, everything stills.

We’re tangled together on the mat, my body pinned beneath his, our faces inches apart. His hands brace on either side of me, but he doesn’t move away.

Neither of us speaks.

The laughter that filled the night just moments ago fades into something heavier, something unspoken. His eyes flicker down to my lips before darting away, like he knows he shouldn’t be looking but can’t help himself.

Nick clears his throat dramatically.

"Well that was bound to happen."

Matt instantly pulls away, rolling onto his side, and I quickly sit up, my heart pounding. I avoid his gaze, but I can feel the heat rising to my face.

Chris chuckles from his spot on the ground. "Looks like you both lost that one."

"Yeah, yeah" Matt grumbles, pushing himself up. But I don’t miss the way his hand lingers on my arm for just a second too long before he lets go.

Chris helps me up off the ground. "Yeah, that’s enough damn yoga positions for me tonight" he mutters, shaking his head.

Nate, still sprawled out on the patio like he’s given up on life, waves a dismissive hand. "Agreed. I didn’t sign up for a Twister class, man. I’m done."

Chris nudges him with his foot. "C’mon, Bambi. Let’s get to bed before Nick convinces us to do something else stupid."

Nate grumbles but drags himself up, shooting a glance at Matt and I stood next to each other. He smirks slightly, but thankfully, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just shakes his head and follows Chris inside.

With Chris and Nate off to bed, it’s just the three of us left outside. The alcohol has settled in nicely, and there’s a comfortable buzz between us. Nick holds his fresh bottle in his hands, eyes gleaming with mischief.

"Alright losers" he announces. “Since Twister is off the cards it's time for Never Have I Ever. And try not to get too rowdy with it this time, okay?"

"Oh, great" Matt mutters, stretching out on his chair. "Forgot you were the ultimate decider of what games we play”

“Well.. atleast he knows what he wants” I tease, taking a sip of my drink.

Nick grins. "Okay, I’ll start. Never have I ever.. hooked up with someone in this villa."

I scoff and keep my drink firmly in my lap. Matt does the same.

Nick sighs. "Boring.”

I mean I am the only girl in the villa. I’m not too sure what Nick’s trying to play at.

Matt rolls his eyes. “Alright, my turn. Never have I ever.. drunk texted an ex.”

I groan, reluctantly taking a sip while Nick follows suit.

"Oof, who was it?" Matt smirks at me.

"Answers weren’t part of the terms and conditions of this game."

Nick cackles. "She’s dodging. It was definitely tragic."

I throw the decorative pillow underneath me at him.

Nick leans forward, eyes twinkling. "Alright, Y/n, your turn. Make it a good one."

I think for a second before grinning. "Never have I ever.. had a crush on a friend."

Nick drinks immediately. But what catches me off guard is Matt, who lifts his drink and takes a slow sip.

Our eyes meet over the rim of his glass, and for a split second, my heart stumbles. But honestly, with the way Matt can be, I don’t even know if he considers me a ‘friend’.

Nick, of course, doesn’t miss a thing. "Ohhh, now this is interesting."

Matt sets his drink down like it’s nothing, smirking. "What? You said ‘friend.’ That could mean anyone."

Nick narrows his eyes playfully. "Mhm. Sure."

The air feels heavier, something unspoken hanging between Matt and I. I take another sip of my drink, pretending not to overthink it.

"Alright, alright" Nick says, clearly enjoying the tension. "Never have I ever.. wanted to kiss someone in this game."

Silence.

Has Matt told Nick about last night? I guess that means I can't bitch out now..

Matt and I both reach for our drinks at the same time.

Nick gasps, dramatically clutching his chest. "OH! this is too good. You two are messyyyy."

I glance at Matt, and he’s already looking at me, that same unreadable smirk on his lips.

What does this mean?

I take another sip, hoping the alcohol will give me answers.

Nick stretches his arms dramatically, a smug grin plastered on his face. "Well! I think I’ve done enough meddling for one night."

I narrow my eyes at him. He does know what he's doing. "You’re enjoying this way too much."

"Oh, absolutely!" he says, not even trying to deny it. "But don’t worry, I’ll let you two sort yourselves out. No pressure!" His smirk deepens as he stands up.

Has he always been this suspicious? Or has he just picked up on something over the last few days? Either way, he’s definitely enjoying whatever game he thinks is happening.

"Night!" he teases, winking before heading inside and disappearing up the stairs to his room.

And just like that, it’s only me and Matt.

I sip my drink, suddenly hyper aware of the silence stretching between us. I should say something.

But before I can, Matt exhales a quiet chuckle and shakes his head. "Nick’s an idiot."

"Yeah." I agree, but my voice comes out softer than I intend. "But an observant one."

Matt doesn’t say anything at first. Instead, he just looks at me, his expression unreadable but undeniably intense. The kind of look that makes my pulse pick up for reasons I don’t want to acknowledge.

I swallow hard. "Did you actually mean to drink to that last one? Or were you just messing with him?"

Matt tilts his head slightly, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. "What do you think?"

I should’ve expected an answer like that. It’s classic Matt, always keeping me on my toes. 

But that’s not what I want right now.

"I don’t know." I say, shaking my head. "I never know with you."

He leans back slightly, resting his arm over the back of the chair, watching me carefully. He doesn’t interrupt, which only makes me want to keep talking.

"It would be nice if you could stop with whatever act you’re playing." The alcohol has fully taken hold now, dragging words out of me that I’d usually swallow down. "I don’t know how you feel. One minute, you act like you can’t stand me. Then you do something nice for me. Then you’re cold again. It’s exhausting, Matt."

Silence.

I hate that he doesn’t respond right away. That unreadable look is back, the one that makes my heart race and frustrates me at the same time. He looks away for a second, running his hand through his hair before finally speaking.

"You really think I hate you?" he asks, his voice quieter now.

I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Well, you don’t exactly make it easy to think otherwise."

His jaw clenches slightly, and for a second, I think I’ve pushed too far. But then he exhales a sharp breath and leans forward, elbows on his knees.

"I don’t hate you" he says, looking at me like he’s daring me to believe him. "Not even close."

The way he says it, the way his voice drops just slightly, it sends something sharp and unexpected through me.

"Then what is it?" I ask, my voice softer now.

Matt studies me for a long moment, like he’s debating whether to say something or just brush it off like he always does.

Then, finally. "It’s complicated."

I let out a dry laugh. "Of course it is."

The air between us is thick now, the tension undeniable. I should leave it at that, let the conversation die out. But I don’t want to. Not tonight.

I meet his eyes, steady despite the way my head is spinning from both the alcohol and his words. "Uncomplicate it, then."

Matt exhales, his fingers drumming against his knee. He doesn’t say anything at first, and that silence only fuels the fire burning in my chest.

"Do you think it’s fair?" I ask, my voice sharper now. "The way you treat me? One day it’s like you never want to speak to me, and then the next, I feel like I’m being led on. And when I finally lean into what I think you’re giving me, you take it back straight away."

His eyes flicker with something, Guilt? Frustration? I can’t tell. He opens his mouth like he’s about to explain himself, but I don’t give him the chance.

"And before you say anything," I cut in, "if you’re about to bring up last night, don’t."

His lips press into a thin line.

"Yeah, Matt. That wasn’t fun. It was more than embarrassing. To be rejected, then have you look after me like that? Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?"

Matt finally meets my gaze, something unreadable in his expression. He’s always so damn hard to read, and I hate it. He swallows, his jaw tightening before he speaks.

"It wasn’t like that" he says, his voice lower now. "I wasn’t trying to-"

"Then what were you trying to do?" I challenge, crossing my arms. "Because I can’t keep playing this game, Matt. It’s messing with my head."

He looks down for a second, rubbing his palms together like he’s trying to find the right words. But I’m tired of waiting for him to figure it out.

"If you don’t want me, just say it." 

The words come out more vulnerable than I intend, but I don’t back down. 

"If this is all just some joke to you, if I’m reading too much into everything, then tell me. I’d rather know now than keep feeling like an idiot."

His eyes snap back up to mine, and for the first time tonight, I see it, hesitation, conflict. Like he’s fighting something inside himself.

But he still doesn’t say anything.

And honestly? That silence is my answer.

Out of frustration, I shake my head, letting out a bitter laugh.

I don’t wait any longer for him to respond. I push myself up from the chair, my head spinning yet again, but this time it's definitely from the emotions burning in my chest. I take myself inside, my vision blurring as I walk upstairs to my room. My throat feels tight, my breath uneven, but I force myself to keep moving.

I’m glad my room is on the opposite side of the villa from everyone else. The last thing I need is anyone hearing me fall apart. I shouldn’t have even come on this stupid trip.

I reach my door and go to shut it behind me, desperate to lock myself away from the last two nights, from Matt, from everything.

But the door doesn’t close. It’s blocked.

I freeze.

Then, I feel it. The resistance. The presence.

Matt.

He’s standing on the other side, his hand pressed firmly against the doorframe, stopping me from shutting him out.

"Move." My voice is quiet, but there’s an edge to it.

He doesn’t. Instead, he steps forward, pushing the door open just enough for our eyes to meet. 

"I don’t want to do this right now, Matt" I say, my voice wavering. "Just leave me alone."

He exhales sharply. "I can’t."

My heart clenches. "Why not?"

He doesn’t answer right away, just steps fully inside, closing the door behind him. Locking us in.

"Your silence was my answer, Matt. What more is there to say?" I snap, arms crossed tightly over my chest, trying to keep it together. My emotions are lining my eyes, my throat tightening. I don’t want to cry, not in front of him. Not now.

"That’s not fair" he finally says, his voice softer than before.

I scoff. "Oh, now you have something to say?" 

His jaw clenches, hands balling into fists at his sides like he’s frustrated, but why is he frustrated? 

"You don’t understand" he mutters.

"Then make me understand" I fire back. "Because I’m done trying to figure you out."

For a second, he just stares at me, like he’s caught between wanting to say something and running the other way. But then, without warning,

He takes a step closer.

Then another.

Until the space between us is almost nonexistent.

"I only ever acted like that because I thought you would never like me." His voice is low, almost uncertain, but the weight behind his words is undeniable. "I can be awkward. I can close myself off. You have such good relationships with both of my brothers, and I wasn’t sure where I fit in your life. I didn’t know if there was space for me, so I kept my distance, hoping that maybe if I stayed far enough away, I could push down what I felt for you. But it never worked."

My lips part slightly, but I don’t speak. I can’t. I just stare at him, trying to process what he’s saying, what he’s admitting.

He exhales sharply, before locking his eyes with mine again, this time with nothing held back. "Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to kiss you last night, Y/n? How much I’ve wanted to for longer than I can even admit to myself? The only reason I didn’t is because I knew how drunk you were. I wasn’t sure if you meant it, and I couldn’t-" He pauses, shaking his head. "I couldn’t let myself take something I wasn’t sure you truly wanted."

His words hit me like a tonne of bricks, my heart pounding. My mind a mess, I’ve spent so long being confused about Matt, when all along, he was just as lost as I was.

The room feels smaller, the space between us bubbling with everything we've avoided for so long. I can feel my pulse in my ears as I stare at Matt. I swallow hard, as we both just stare at eachother, as I think of what to say.

But Matt doesn’t give me time to think, to process, to argue anymore. He takes that final step to close the space between us, his hands grip my face, and his lips crash into mine.

It’s not soft. It’s not hesitant. It’s everything unsaid, everything bottled up, coming to the surface all at once. A mix of frustration, yearning, and something close to desperation. He kisses me like he’s afraid I’ll pull away, like he’s afraid this moment will slip through his fingers if he doesn’t act on it now.

But I don’t pull away. I don’t hesitate. The second his lips meet mine, I melt into him like it was inevitable, like this was always going to happen no matter how much we pretended otherwise. My hands grip his shirt, fisting the fabric, pulling him in as close as physically possible. His hands slide from my face down to my waist, holding me there, grounding me, like he needs to make sure I’m real.

He exhales against my lips, like he’s been holding his breath for too long. Like this is relief and chaos all at once. I barely have time to process the way his lips move against mine, slow but hungry, before I realize I’m kissing him back just as desperately.

The tension between us is electric, suffocating in the best way, years of mixed signals and extreme tension finally colliding into something real. My head is spinning, but not from the alcohol this time. From him. From this.

When we finally break apart, our foreheads stay pressed together, our breaths tangled in the silence of my dark room. His hands don’t leave my waist, and I don’t loosen my grip on his shirt.

For a second, neither of us speaks. We just exist in this moment, the weight of it pressing down on us.

And then, in a voice so quiet I almost miss it, Matt whispers, “I’ve wanted to do that for so fucking long.”

a/n : writing the start of this when actually hungover was an experience.. but ROLLERCOASTERRRRRRR everyones clocking their shit! p.s if youve not seen my recent post regarding future fic pls read here

taglist : @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel  @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @chrisstxrnsaxe @sophand4n4 @vickytaa @marrykisskilled @bxtchboy69 @yourfavsturniologirl @julisturn @sydneyylainn @sophia-77n @trevorsgodmother @sturnslutz @yourmother29 @girl24cherry @astronea @pinkdyit

[movingmusically]

Hi can you do a fluffy where austin and reader fell in love while shooting caught stealing and they are on their press tour together and the people are starting to speculate about their relationship through their chemistry and when austin is in a talk show to promote he gets emotional while talking about her which basically confirms their relationship and please make it in an austin pov

Word Count: 5,893

Masterlist

Rumour Has It

Press tours are a machine. Same schedule, different city. Hotels that all look the same, blacked-out car windows, cameras waiting at every stop. I know the rhythm. I know when to turn it on, when to let the words fall out in a way that sounds effortless.

It’s a strange thing, sitting in the same chair all day while a rotation of journalists shuffle in and out, asking variations of the same ten questions. Most of the time, I can answer on autopilot, let the words settle into well-worn grooves.

But this time, it’s different.

Because Y/N is here.

And suddenly, the hours don’t drag the way they usually do.

Maybe it’s the way she nudges my knee under the table when she senses I’m zoning out, like she knows exactly when I need to be pulled back. Maybe it’s the way she always seems to have a second coffee waiting for me, despite insisting she doesn’t enable my caffeine addiction. Maybe it’s the way she laughs—really laughs—not just when the cameras are rolling, but when I catch her off guard, something quiet and unrestrained that makes my chest feel too full.

Or maybe it’s the fact that I spent the night with her.

I’m careful—don’t look at her too much, don’t lean in too close—but still, it’s there. The weight of it. The way my body feels aware of hers, even when I’m not touching her.

She nudges my knee with hers, just a small tap. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

I huff a quiet laugh, tilting my head toward her. “And you look suspiciously awake for someone who barely slept.”

There’s a beat where her lips press together like she’s trying not to smile. Then, smoothly, she lifts the coffee cup to her lips. “Sheer willpower.”

The next journalist is already settling into their chair, a producer giving them the go-ahead to start.

“Alright,” the interviewer says, beaming. “So, Caught Stealing is such a unique, character-driven story. It’s dark, but not in a flashy way—it’s lived-in, messy, raw. What was it about this film that drew you both in?”

A safe, easy question.

Y/N takes it first, shifting slightly in her seat. “The characters, honestly. The way their relationships are constantly shifting, how nothing is simple. There’s no easy hero, no clean resolution. It felt real.”

I nod. “Yeah. It’s not just about a guy who gets in over his head—it’s about what that does to the people around him. How every choice he makes has a ripple effect. Nothing exists in isolation.”

The journalist nods, jotting something down, but their gaze lingers on us a beat too long. I recognise that look.

The I’m not here to ask about your chemistry, but I see it anyway look.

Because it keeps happening. Every time Y/N glances at me mid-answer, like she’s checking if I agree. Every time I catch myself mirroring the way she shifts in her chair. Every time we break at the same time over something small—a joke that wasn’t really a joke, a word that came out weird, a memory that doesn’t need explaining.

“So, I’ve seen an early cut of the film,” the journalist continues, flipping through their notes, “and I think what really makes it so compelling is how lived-in these performances feel. Nothing feels rehearsed, everything just... moves naturally. Did you two spend a lot of time together before filming?”

Y/N and I glance at each other at the same time.

And then—it happens.

That thing where we have a conversation without having a conversation. A flicker of amusement in her eyes, a twitch of my lips in response. A silent should we mess with them?

She bites back a smile. “Well, we met before filming,” she says lightly.

I hum, pretending to think. “Yeah. Darren got us together for dinner so we could talk about the script.”

Y/N groans, leaning forward. “Oh my God, I forgot about that.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Forgot?”

She places a hand on her chest, feigning sincerity. “I blocked it out.”

I let out a quiet laugh, shaking my head. “You’re so full of it.”

The journalist chuckles, glancing between us. Their posture shifts—more relaxed now, like they’ve stopped trying to decipher something and have simply settled into the reality of it.

It happens in almost every interview.

No one asks about chemistry, but they see it. It’s in the way our movements fall into sync without trying. It’s in the way Y/N mutters something under her breath when the next question is a little too serious, and the way I exhale a laugh before I can stop myself. It’s in the way we don’t overthink it, even when everyone else does.

The next question comes, but I only half-hear it, because suddenly, I'm remembering.

That first dinner.

The first time I saw her.

Darren had chosen some quiet little restaurant in the West Village, the kind of place with handwritten menus and candle wax pooling in the centre of the tables.

I got there first, early enough to check my phone three times, drink half a glass of water, and wonder if showing up early made me look too eager.

Then the door opened.

And Y/N had walked in.

She was slightly breathless from the cold, scarf slipping from her shoulders as she unwrapped it, tucking her gloves into her bag.

“Hey,” she’d said, flashing a quick smile.

I stood up automatically—I don’t know why, it just felt right—offering my hand.

She took it, fingers warm. “Y/N.”

“Austin.”

Her lips twitched. “Yeah, I figured.”

Darren arrived moments later, launching straight into the script—breaking down the themes, the character dynamics, what made this different from other films in the same space.

But I wasn’t fully listening.

Because Y/N had pulled out a notebook, flipping past scribbled-out words and margin notes, and suddenly, I was captivated.

“What’s that?” I asked.

She’d glanced up. “Just—thoughts on Yvonne. Stuff I don’t wanna forget.”

I leaned forward slightly. “Like what?”

She hesitated, then turned the notebook toward me. A half-filled page, little arrows linking thoughts together.

Wants to leave, but stays. Doesn’t trust him, but can’t let go. Is it love, or just familiar?

She spoke, voice softer now. “You don’t think she’s stupid for going back, do you?”

I looked at her then, really looked at her.

“No,” I said. “I think she’s just human.”

And that was it.

That was the moment it clicked.

“—Austin?”

I blink, snapping back to the present. The journalist is looking at me expectantly. Y/N is hiding a knowing smile behind her coffee cup.

“Sorry,” I say, clearing my throat. “What was the question?”

And just like that, I’m here.

With her.

And suddenly, press tours don’t feel so exhausting after all.

Another city, another wave of interviews.

I barely register which one anymore. The cycle repeats itself—airport, hotel, press junket, premiere. Somewhere in between, I sleep just enough to keep functioning, drink enough coffee to keep from crashing. It should feel exhausting. Maybe it is. But this time, there’s Y/N. She makes it easier.

It’s in the way she always has some inside joke ready to throw at me when the energy in the room starts to dip, the way she leans in a little too close when she laughs, eyes bright with something mischievous, like she knows exactly what she’s doing. And maybe she does.

We’ve slipped into a rhythm now, something easy and unspoken, something that doesn’t need rehearsing. The interviews blur together, but I can still pinpoint the exact moment in each one when she catches my eye, when my response shifts just slightly because I’m talking to her now instead of the room.

And people are noticing.

I can feel it—not just in the way interviewers hesitate a second too long before moving on, but in the way the internet is running wild with it.

I don’t look at the posts. Not directly, anyway.

But Callum does.

My phone buzzes during a break between interviews, and when I check it, there’s a message waiting for me.

You guys are the internet’s new favourite obsession.

I frown, scrolling up. He’s sent a link.

I shouldn’t click it.

I click it.

It’s a tweet. One of those slowed-down edits, the kind people put together when they’ve decided to make something out of nothing. Except—it’s not nothing.

Clips from the press tour, spliced together like evidence in some case file. Y/N laughing at something I said. Me turning toward her at the same time she turns toward me. The way my hand lingers a second too long on her back before we pose for pictures. A moment where we both start speaking at the same time, cut together with a voiceover about “soulmates always mirroring each other.”

The caption reads:

They think they’re being subtle. They are not.

I lock my phone and shove it into my pocket before I can spiral.

It’s not that deep.

Except—it kind of is.

Because it looks exactly how it feels.

It’s always felt like this, hasn’t it?

The thought sticks, lingers like something just out of reach, and suddenly, I’m not here anymore.

I’m back in New York.

Back in a darkened theatre.

Darren had suggested it. Said we should see Y/N’s play before filming started.

“She’s good,” he’d said. “Better than good. You’ll see.”

I’d nodded, agreed, gone in expecting to be impressed.

I hadn’t expected to be ruined.

She stepped onto the stage like she belonged there, and for the next two hours, I forgot about everything else. Forgot why I was there, forgot who I was supposed to be.

There was a moment—halfway through the second act—where her character stood in the centre of the stage, framed by dim, moody lighting, and she wasn’t even speaking. She was just there.

And somehow, that was enough.

The audience was silent, caught in the gravity of it, but I could feel my own breath sticking in my throat, my hands tightening around the armrests.

Because I wasn’t watching her as a director would. Or a co-star. Or even as an actor admiring another actor’s performance.

I was watching her as something else.

And that scared the hell out of me.

Then the moment broke. The scene shifted, the lights changed, the spell lifted.

But something stayed.

Something stuck.

After the final bow, Darren and I waited backstage. When she walked out, eyes still bright with adrenaline, she spotted us instantly.

“Austin?”

I grinned. “Hey, superstar.”

Her smile widened. “You came.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it.”

Something shifted then.

Something that’s only gotten stronger since.

I blink, the theatre fading, the present snapping back into focus. Y/N, sitting across from me, scrolling through her phone like she doesn’t know I was just somewhere else entirely. Like she has no idea I was just remembering the first time she wrecked me without even trying. I run a hand over my jaw, exhale slowly. Maybe I should let this go. Maybe I should stop overthinking it.

Or maybe—maybe it’s too late for that.

We’re in a different city now, a different room, but everything blends together—same setup, same questions. Except this time, we’re sitting on the floor. And this time, there are puppies.

A producer counts down, “We’re rolling in three, two—”

Before they even hit one, there’s barking, followed by the unmistakable sound of tiny paws skidding across the floor. A handful of golden retriever puppies burst into the room, tails wagging, tripping over each other in their rush toward us.

Y/N lets out a dramatic gasp, eyes going wide as one immediately scrambles into her lap, burying its face against her sweater. “This is the best day of my life!”

I laugh, already struggling to keep hold of one that’s climbing up my chest like it has somewhere important to be. “I don’t think we’re getting through a single question.”

The interviewer chuckles. “We’ll do our best. First one—what’s something you learned about each other while filming?”

Y/N hums, absentmindedly scratching behind the puppy’s ear. “Austin has an insane memory. Like, borderline freaky. He’d hear a line once and know it perfectly. And all of my lines, too.”

I shrug. “Or maybe you just forgot yours a lot.”

She gasps, pressing a hand to her chest. “The slander.”

I smirk, nudging her shoulder with mine.

The interviewer shakes his head, amused. “I feel like you two just communicate in banter at this point.”

Y/N sighs dramatically, cradling the puppy against her. “It’s our love language.”

It happens before I can stop it—a flicker of something in my chest, a second where my breath catches before I smooth it over.

I don’t react.

I definitely don’t react.

But later, the internet catches it—the way my fingers freeze for just a second before I move again.

By the time we get to London, the speculation is already spiralling.

At Radio 1, Greg James grins as he leans into the mic. “Alright, we’re gonna play Unpopular Opinion. You two ready?”

Y/N adjusts her mic. “Born ready.”

A listener’s voice crackles through the speakers.

“I think tea is overrated.”

Y/N’s reaction is instant. She sits up so fast she nearly knocks over her drink, outrage etched across her face. “Get. Out.”

Greg bursts into laughter. “This might be the most visceral reaction we’ve ever had.”

I shake my head, grinning. “I knew that was gonna set you off.”

“I’m actually upset,” Y/N says, turning to me. “Tea is a lifestyle.”

I shrug, smirking. “I mean, I’m a coffee guy, so…”

Her head whips toward me, genuine betrayal in her eyes. “And I thought I knew you.”

Greg loses it.

The internet follows.

- I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU?? THEY’RE MARRIED. - She reacts like he personally betrayed her, and he just smirks through it. - Austin being a little shit and Y/N getting dramatic about tea… classic.

Snack Wars is worse.

It starts harmlessly enough. A debate over crisps versus chips, a minor disagreement about the correct way to eat a scone. But then—

Then it happens.

I bite into a Jaffa Cake and immediately make a face.

“What is this texture?”

Y/N gasps, horrified. “How dare you?”

“It’s like it can’t decide if it wants to be a cookie or a cake,” I insist, chewing slowly.

She shakes her head like I’ve personally offended her. “You don’t deserve British snacks.”

I smirk. “Say that again after you try this peanut butter cup.”

She takes a bite.

And then—she moans.

The room freezes.

I stare. My brain completely short-circuits. It’s one second, maybe two, but it’s enough. Enough for heat to prickle at the back of my neck, for my thoughts to spin somewhere I really, really shouldn’t be going right now. I force myself to blink. To swallow. To not react.

The crew laughs.

Y/N turns red. “Oh my God.”

I recover before she does, settling back in my chair with a smug grin. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

The TikTok edits hit the internet before we even leave the studio.

- The way Austin looked at her when she moaned over a peanut butter cup?? Sir. - Y/N making an accidental NSFW noise and Austin malfunctioning? Top-tier content.

I don’t check the posts.

Not really.

But later that night, as I scroll through my phone in my hotel room, I can feel it sinking in.

This is getting harder to hide.

And maybe… maybe I don’t want to anymore.

The London premiere is tomorrow. We should be getting some sleep. Instead, I’m lying on my hotel bed, staring at my phone, watching the internet completely lose its mind.

I knew the speculation was getting out of hand, but now it’s everywhere. The TikTok edits, the slowed-down clips, the tweet threads analysing our every move.

- They literally breathe in sync. This is not normal co-star behaviour. - Austin leans into her every time she speaks and it’s driving me insane. - The way he LOOKED at her after the peanut butter cup?? Sir, do you have something you’d like to tell the class?

I sigh, running a hand down my face.

Callum’s latest text sits at the top of my notifications.

Not to alarm you, mate, but the internet is in full FBI mode.

I shouldn’t click the link.

I do anyway.

It’s another edit—this time, someone’s taken clips from the press tour and layered them with a soft, romantic score.

Me laughing at something Y/N said. Her looking at me before finishing a sentence, like she’s checking my reaction. The way my hand lingers too long on her back before we pose for pictures. The moment in the Buzzfeed interview, when I freeze for just a second after she says love language.

It looks…

It looks exactly how it feels.

I lock my phone and toss it onto the nightstand like it’s burning a hole in my palm. I know what’s happening. I’ve spent enough time in this industry to recognise when something is slipping out of my hands. It’s not just edits and slowed-down clips anymore.

People know.

And maybe it wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t true.

Maybe it wouldn’t make my chest feel tight if every single clip didn’t look like a confession.

There’s a soft knock on my hotel room door. I don’t even have to ask who it is. I open it, and Y/N is standing there, barefoot, hair still damp from the shower. She’s wearing a hoodie that isn’t hers. It’s mine.

She exhales a small laugh when she sees my expression. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”

I shake my head, stepping aside to let her in. “The internet’s insane.”

She moves past me, curling up on the couch without waiting for an invitation. Her legs tuck beneath her, and she reaches for the TV remote like she belongs here. Like this is normal. And maybe that’s the problem.

It is.

It’s the easiest thing in the world to let her stay, to sit beside her, to lose a few more hours in this quiet, private version of us that no one else gets to see. But how much longer can we pretend it’s still a secret?

I lean against the back of the couch, rubbing a hand over my jaw. “You seen the posts?”

She raises an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at her lips. “Which ones? The ones calling me the girl who made a peanut butter cup sound R-rated, or the ones diagnosing you with unhinged heart-eyes syndrome?”

I huff out a quiet laugh, tipping my head back. “Both, apparently.”

She grins, but it softens at the edges. Like she knows what I’m actually asking. Like she knows this is getting harder.

There’s a long silence before she shifts slightly, one foot nudging against my knee. “Does it bother you?”

I don’t answer right away.

Because the truth is—I don’t know.

I should say yes. I should say we should be more careful.

But sitting here, watching her pull my hoodie over her hands, watching the way she fits so easily into my space—

I think I stopped caring the second she walked through that door.

I glance at her, my voice quieter now. “Does it bother you?”

She watches me for a beat. Then she just shakes her head.

“No,” she says simply.

And that’s the end of it.

The next night, the speculation is at a breaking point. I feel it the second we step onto the red carpet. The questions aren’t direct, but the way the reporters phrase them—it’s careful, curious.

"How was it working together?"

"Did you two always have that natural chemistry?"

Y/N laughs at something a reporter says, tilting her head up to look at me.

I smile back at her without thinking, and the camera flashes go off like fireworks.

I don’t have to check Twitter to know what’s being said.

At this point, they should just hold hands and put us out of our misery.

And the thing is—I want to.

Not yet. But soon. I can feel it creeping up on me, the inevitability of it.

Just like I felt it that day on set.

It was one of the final days of filming.

We were outside, crammed into the narrow space between two graffiti-covered buildings. The scene was a turning point—our characters finally giving in to everything they’d been denying.

The kiss was scripted.

We’d rehearsed it, blocked every movement. I knew where to put my hands, how to tilt my head to stay in frame, how to match her rhythm without stepping on it.

But when the cameras rolled, it felt like none of that mattered.

She stepped closer, her breath just brushing my neck, and suddenly the world shrank. It wasn’t the set anymore. It wasn’t the crew, or the lights, or the dozen people standing just out of frame.

It was just her.

When her lips met mine, it was deliberate but soft, the kind of kiss that says everything without words. My hands slid around her waist, pulling her closer without even thinking.

And then—just for a second—she used her tongue.

It wasn’t in the script.

I don’t think she even meant to do it—just a fleeting touch, tentative, like she’d caught herself halfway through. But it was enough.

It was enough to make my grip tighten on her waist, enough for me to tilt my head deeper into the kiss, lifting her slightly onto her toes without realising I’d done it.

Her fingers curled into the front of my jacket, her breath hitching against my mouth before she eased back, just barely breaking the kiss.

The director didn’t call cut right away. We stayed in it longer than we were supposed to, neither of us pulling back until the moment dissolved around us.

When it was over, Y/N stepped back, her breathing a little uneven, her eyes just barely meeting mine before she turned away.

I stayed where I was, frozen, trying to pull myself out of it.

I didn’t know what to do with what I was feeling.

Later, I was sitting in the corner of my trailer, still trying to piece myself back together, when she knocked.

She didn’t wait for me to answer.

The door creaked open, and there she was, still in costume, her hair loose around her face.

“You okay?”

Her voice was soft—quieter than usual, like she didn’t want to spook me.

I nodded, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t trust myself to.

She stepped inside, closing the door behind her. “You sure? Because you’ve been in here for, like, an hour.”

I looked at her then, and the words just spilled out. “That scene…”

She leaned against the edge of the couch, her arms crossed. “What about it?”

“It felt…” I trailed off, trying to find the right word.

Her gaze softened, her lips curving just slightly. “Yeah. It did.”

She didn’t have to explain.

I didn’t have to ask.

In that moment, we both knew.

And when she crossed the room and sat beside me, her shoulder brushing mine, I didn’t stop her.

I just let her stay.

Now, standing on the red carpet, cameras flashing, her voice somewhere behind me, laughing at something a reporter said—I realise it’s been inevitable for a while.

She steps closer, our arms brushing, and lowers her voice just for me.

“You okay?”

Her voice is light, teasing, but her eyes are warm.

And I know, right then, that I don’t care who sees it.

Not anymore.

The energy in the studio is infectious.

The stage lights are bright, the applause thunderous as Jimmy Fallon greets me with his signature enthusiasm. I settle into the chair, offering the audience a grin as I adjust my jacket. I’ve done this before.

I know how to play along, how to keep things light, how to sidestep the questions that toe the line between work and personal life.

But tonight feels different.

Maybe it’s the fact that Y/N isn’t here. She’s back at the hotel, catching up on some sleep after a whirlwind day of press. Or maybe it’s the knowledge that her absence doesn’t mean people aren’t still talking about her.

About us.

Jimmy starts with the usual—talking about the film, throwing in a few jokes about the intensity of the role, teasing me about the internet’s obsession with my hair.

It’s easy. Familiar.

But then he leans forward, his grin widening in that way that lets me know what’s coming.

“So,” he says, dragging the word out for effect, “we have to talk about the internet’s other obsession—your chemistry with Y/N.”

The audience reacts immediately—applause, laughter, a few cheers from the back.

I laugh, shaking my head as I rub the back of my neck. “I knew this was coming.”

Jimmy laughs too, holding up his hands like he’s innocent. “Hey, I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking! You guys are electric on-screen. And off-screen, it’s like… I don’t know, there’s just something there.”

I open my mouth to respond, but he keeps going, gesturing dramatically.

“I mean, have you seen the edits people are making? It’s like a rom-com trailer, but better. They’re calling you guys ‘the internet’s favourite couple who won’t admit they’re a couple.’”

The audience erupts again, and I can feel the tips of my ears burning.

I shake my head, trying to laugh it off. “That’s—yeah, that’s the internet for you.”

Jimmy leans back, his grin turning sly. “So… what’s it like working with her?”

It’s a harmless question.

I’ve answered it a hundred times.

But tonight, for some reason, the words don’t come as easily.

I glance down for a second, my hand instinctively moving to rub the crease of my pants at my thigh. “She’s… amazing.”

Jimmy raises an eyebrow, his grin widening. “Just amazing?”

The audience laughs, and I can feel their anticipation like a weight in the room.

I clear my throat, my fingers brushing along my jawline before I let them drop to the armrest. “No, seriously. She’s one of the most talented people I’ve ever worked with. She’s so committed, so intuitive—she just gets it, you know? And she makes everyone around her better.”

I should stop there.

I know I should.

But the words keep coming.

“She has this way of… I don’t know, making everything feel real. Like, you forget there are cameras and crew and a million distractions. It’s just her. And it’s…”

I trail off, my thumb grazing my bottom lip like it might steady me.

Jimmy tilts his head, his expression softening. “You okay, man?”

I nod quickly, forcing a laugh. “Yeah. Sorry. I just… I guess I didn’t realise how much I appreciate her until I started talking about it.”

The audience lets out a collective “aww,” and I feel a pang in my chest—not embarrassment, but something softer.

Jimmy gives me a knowing smile, his tone gentler now. “Sounds like you’ve got a lot of respect for her.”

I nod again, my voice quieter this time. “I do. A lot.”

It’s not a confirmation. Not really.

But as I glance out at the audience, I catch a few people exchanging smiles, whispering. The energy in the room has shifted—warmer, quieter, like everyone is in on something now.

And I know that whatever they’re thinking, whatever they’ve decided to believe…

They’re not wrong.

The studio is buzzing when the cameras stop rolling. Crew members scatter to reset the stage for the next segment, and I make my way backstage, still trying to shake off the weight of what just happened.

Jimmy claps me on the shoulder as I pass him. “You killed it, man.”

I nod, offering him a quick smile, but my head’s somewhere else entirely.

The moment keeps replaying in my mind—the way my voice caught when I talked about her, the look on Jimmy’s face when he realised I wasn’t just talking about a co-star.

The audience’s reaction.

I can still hear their collective aww, feel the way the room shifted.

I shouldn’t check my phone, but I do anyway.

The notifications are already piling up. Mentions, tags, texts. My fingers hover over Callum’s name when a text from him flashes on the screen.

Mate… you’re trending.

I exhale, running a hand down my face. Of course I am.

But trending or not, it doesn’t matter. Because at the end of the day, she’s the one waiting for me. She’s the constant—the one thing in all of this noise that makes sense. And that’s what I’ll always come back to. Always.

By the time I get back to the hotel, it’s late. The lights in the hallway are dim, the soft hum of the elevator the only sound as I make my way to my room.

I unlock the door, step inside, and freeze.

Y/N is curled up on the couch, one of the hotel’s oversized robes wrapped around her, hair messy from sleep. She stirs at the sound of the door, her eyes blinking open slowly.

“You’re back,” she murmurs, her voice soft and a little raspy.

I nod, setting my bag down by the door. “Yeah. Thought you’d be asleep.”

She stretches, the robe slipping slightly off her shoulder. “I tried. Didn’t stick.”

I cross the room, sitting on the edge of the armchair across from her. For a moment, we just look at each other, the silence between us stretching but never uncomfortable.

Then she tilts her head, a small smile tugging at her lips. “So, how’d it go?”

I let out a soft laugh, rubbing the back of my neck. “It was fine. The usual… until it wasn’t.”

Her smile falters, her brows pulling together. “What do you mean?”

I hesitate, my fingers tapping against the armrest. “Jimmy brought you up.”

She doesn’t say anything, but her expression shifts—something soft, something careful. She straightens a little, pulling her legs underneath her as she waits for me to go on.

I lean back in the chair, exhaling. “He asked about working together. About the internet stuff, the edits, the… chemistry.” The word feels heavier than it should.

Her lips part slightly, her brows lifting just enough to show surprise. “What did you say?”

I glance at her, then down at my hands, which are resting against my thighs, fingers fidgeting. “I said you’re one of the most talented people I’ve ever worked with.”

She doesn’t say anything, just watching me, waiting for the rest.

“And…” My voice drops, my thumb brushing over the seam of my pants. “I said you make everything feel real. That you make everyone around you better. That…” I trail off, my throat tightening like it did back on the show.

“That what?” she asks softly.

I rub the back of my neck, forcing myself to meet her gaze. “That I didn’t realise how much I appreciate you until I started talking about it.”

Her eyes widen slightly, her lips parting, but she doesn’t say anything.

“And the thing is…” I lean forward, my elbows on my knees, my hands clasped together as I let out a breath. “I meant every word. But now—now everyone’s talking about it. They’ll read into it, twist it, turn it into something bigger. And I don’t—I don’t know how to feel about that.”

She shifts on the couch, the robe slipping again, revealing her bare collarbone. Her fingers fidget with the hem of the oversized robe, and for a moment, she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, something I’ve noticed she only does when she’s trying to find the right words. Her lips press together briefly, like she’s weighing what to say, and it makes her look so completely like herself—unguarded, soft—that my chest tightens just watching her.

Her voice is quiet when she speaks, steady. “Does it bother you? That they’ll think there’s something between us?”

I blink, caught off guard by the question. My first instinct is to say no, to brush it off like it doesn’t matter. But that’s not the truth.

“It doesn’t bother me,” I admit, my voice low. “Not because it’s not true, but because… I think maybe I don’t want it to be a secret anymore.”

Her breath catches—just barely—but I see it. Her hands rest against her knees, fingers curling into the plush fabric of the robe.

“Then why are you so worried?” she asks, her voice softer now, almost tentative.

I shake my head, my hands moving restlessly against my thighs. “I don’t know. Maybe because once it’s out there, it’s not just ours anymore. It’s theirs. And I don’t want this—what we have—to feel like… like something we have to defend, or explain.”

Her expression softens, and she shifts closer, sitting on the edge of the couch. “Austin…”

I look at her, and for a moment, the air between us feels heavier, quieter. She reaches out, her hand covering mine where it rests on the armrest. Her touch is warm, grounding.

“You’re right,” she says gently. “Once it’s out there, we can’t control it. But we can control how we handle it. And honestly?” She tilts her head, a small, wry smile curving her lips. “I’m kind of tired of pretending I don’t love you.”

The words hit me like a punch to the chest—not because I didn’t know, but because hearing her say it out loud feels different. Bigger.

I exhale a quiet laugh, shaking my head as I cover her hand with mine. “You just say stuff like that, huh?”

She shrugs, her smile widening just slightly. “Guess so.”

For a moment, I just look at her, my thumb brushing over the back of her hand. And then, without thinking, I slide off the chair and onto the couch beside her. She shifts to make room, her legs brushing against mine as I settle in, and when I don’t answer right away, her hand moves—just barely—to rest on my jaw, her fingers light, hesitant, like she’s giving me space to pull back if I need to. I don’t. Instead, I lean into her touch, the faint pressure grounding me in a way nothing else can.

“Okay,” I say quietly.

“Okay?” she echoes, her brows lifting.

“Okay,” I repeat, leaning in just enough for our foreheads to touch. “Let them talk. Let them say whatever they want. Because none of it changes this.”

Her smile softens, her hand moves back further, her fingers threading gently through the hair at the nape of my neck. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

And for the first time in weeks, the weight in my chest feels lighter.

Because she’s right.

None of it changes this.

[doppel-doodles]

About time that I make a part 2 I reckon:

So here is a totally normal post about Jack Ayers from Poppy playtime.

At first I wasn’t sure what I had to say on him, not because he is any less interesting than the other two boys, not by a long shot!

But Jack and by extension Matthew have what makes their existence so tragic spelled out more clearly you sympathies with them a lot more easily than you do with someone more fickle like Kevin.(At least if you go by what I’ve seen of some of the fandom perception)

But without further delay here are all my thoughts:

Jack, like most people who step foot into the playtime factory, pulled the shit end of the stick.

He fell into a vat of dough and swiftly lost his life, an end like that is bad enough but worse was that the company did not let him rest, reawakening in a new body with two new consciousness that he had to share with.

Not to mention Jack wasn’t just another orphan that was meant to be experimented on, his misfortune was due to sheer dumb luck.

The way the orphans were raised was like lambs to the slaughter, you know that no matter what these kids were screwed.

And honestly? I can’t tell if that takes away from the horror or adds to it.

Now lets pile on more misery on that poor boy: he had to kill his own parents.

I can only imagine how much that one hurt,.

Also is it just me or does Jacks control over Doey feel kind of passive?

Like we have the whole chase sequence with Kevin, Matthew pretty much has the wheel in almost every interaction we have with Doey.

To me it feels like Jack kinda just pops up in those little moments, where his emotions got to him and even then he’s more or less only there for a few lines of dialogue.

Which is kinda crazy to me as he is arguably the one most “in sync” with his bigger body, he was literally mixed into the dough they are made out of and was the first of them.

Yet we barely see him come out. Despite the fact that arguably his emotions are very strong so he might have a similar chance to overpowering the others, like how we see with Kevin’s wrath.

But he doesn’t seem to even try.

(Granted bro is a kid having a mental breakdown over his dead friends, I wouldn’t be to focused right away on what the other two are doing)

And I think that’s because he is scared of Kevin, since you know putting aside his issues that doesn’t change the fact he still killed jacks parents in front of him.

The people he arguably needs most right now.

And if he can’t even protect those he cares for most from himself, how can he safe anyone else?

To me Jack seems somewhat resigned, only waiting for it to be over, crying in the meantime over everything he had to go through.

And that just makes me sad man-

Anyway uhhh- not that much as before but I hope you enjoy my two cents, tell me what you think about him!:>

For those who care here are my Kevin thoughts

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Oh how your unhinged reblogs make me smile. 😊

Lets dig in, shall we?

He does love some acts of service, but honestly, I think his love language is all of them? At least now, with Kat. I guess all of that sort of goes along with his quest of exploring all forms of intimacy. It's adorable and I love him for it.

Sigh... they both do need to say it and stop "dancing" around it as you say. 🤭

It is going to get said, but not in the way Dieter had planned. 👀

Right? The fact that he was thinking about changing his number before shit sort of hit the fan says a lot. He's making all the right choices and we are proud of him for it. He knew what he needed to do and followed through.

That song from the Insta live can hit the feels when put in the right context. It had me a little emotional too. And the fact that Kat could instantly tell something was up... sigh...I just love them.

They are 100% SOOO ready for this.

Ugh, poor Dieter. I always put him through the ringer with his trauma. This hurt just as bad as D&D. Evan wasn't initially part of the plan, but somehow it just made sense.

Kat is completely overthinking it and it only gets worse. She just needs a minute to catch up with her feelings.

Cora and Lydia both are my heroes. They do need to meet...

Dieter and Zee bickering is the cutest thing ever. I love that he has spoiled her this much. 🥹

You knew that foot thing had to come up again... 😏

I gotta give props to @avastrasposts for the SuccDee bit. I asked for input and she delivered. I cackled pretty loudly when that message came through. Not gonna lie.

Don't worry, we will have more Dieter plant antics in future installments.

It could be both things with Zee? She is 100% a mischief maker though. She gets that from her daddy. 😂

Dieter is totally going to kidnap those plants and hold them hostage at some point. 😆

I haven't recovered from Pedro on the beach...so that's fair.

Stacia is going to blow a fucking gasket. That part should be fun to write...

They are building their little village and I love that for them. They gonna need it.

I swear, you always have THE BEST song recs for these two. So spot on. That one went on my list to be used as soon as I heard it.

Alec is indeed fuming. He's still stewing in the background. We haven't seen the last of him yet.

I swear, Pedro has perfect timing with some of his posts lately. It's like he's in my head (I mean he is...but, you know what I mean.) 🤣

Yes, there will be a spiral. It's coming very soon and it gets a little messy... It will lead to some interesting revelations and some unlikely allies though.

You might be the first person to not be suspicious of Marc and crew. We shall see how that evolves. 😉

I think he kind of warms up to the Lives too. And you're right, nobody better be talking about his lady. Nothing pisses him off quicker.

As usual, you have left some excellent thoughts, bestie. Can't wait to share the next installment with you.

Thanks for your support and love. I appreciate you! 💜😘

Closed Position: Week 7 (Paso Doble)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition, Dancing with the Stars, would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble.

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on the show to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo.

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 28.5k (I went off the rails again.)

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence (not by or toward Dieter), past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

👉 Chapter Warnings: Dieter and Kat both being a menace, smut, fluff, angst in the form of discussions about childhood trauma (including homophobic comments)

Chapter Quote: “I actually meant what I said earlier…I’m bending you over the counter and fucking you when we get back to the house.”

Kat’s POV When I awoke on Tuesday morning, my body felt strangely satiated after the previous evening's exploits. My mind, however, was swirling with more thoughts and emotions than I could process. My first thoughts were of the way Dieter had taken care of me in every way possible after the show. He brought me home, made an amazing dinner, and ran a hot bath as he promised. He joined me in the tub, massaging my neck, shoulders, and back as he his lips trailed behind his hands - managing to get me completely relaxed and turned on in the process. He followed that with a scalp massage as he washed the product from my hair before rinsing with the handheld sprayer. I offered to wash his in return since it still had all of the gel in it from the show, but he refused, instead drying me off and sending me to bed while he jumped in the shower. I didn’t even bother to get dressed, choosing to collapse into the fluffy duvet completely naked.

I was lying stretched out on my stomach when Dieter came out of the bathroom and crawled up my body, continuing where he left off as he massaged my thighs and hips for several minutes. He eventually moved upward, peppering kisses along my spine until he reached my neck. I tilted my head to give him better access as he rubbed his patchy beard against my skin. The length of his body pressed against mine, which made it obvious he was aroused. 

His teeth grazed my earlobe, causing me to moan and arch my ass upward into him. He nipped and sucked at my neck as he pressed his hard length against me. My hand found its way to the hair at the top of his head, tugging slightly as I told him I needed him again. He wasted no time, positioning himself at my entrance and slowly sinking in. He covered my body with his, pinning me to the bed as he began his steady, but slow rhythm. After propping himself up on his left elbow, his hand found mine and entwined our fingers together, squeezing it tightly. His right hand roamed my body before finding a home under my chin, tilting my head back so he could give me an upside-down kiss on the lips. 

As things got more intense, I collapsed, face down into the plush bedding as he continued to lavish my neck and shoulder with attention from his mouth. My fingers tangled in his hair again as I turned my head to search for his lips. After a passionate kiss, he pulled away and rested his forehead against the side of my temple. We stayed like that for a time, inhaling each other's breath and getting lost in the sensations that our bodies were creating as we moved as one. 

It was almost foreign to me, how he could make any position feel that intimate. It didn’t matter if we could stare deeply into each other's eyes or not, I could still feel the connection with him. It was there in the way he touched and held me. Our bodies communicated in ways I had never experienced - using all the senses to bond us together. I surmised that it had to be because of the way that we spent our time together, building something that I couldn’t really understand or explain. 

The past week with Dieter had been strangely domesticated. It was full of homemade meals and lots of cuddling. He stuck to his word about keeping this thing between us as something more, not always turning to sex for a connection. He really was putting in the effort to experience all forms of intimacy, always looking out for me and taking care of me in ways that Alec had never even tried. I hated him doing so much, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Even when things would get heated between us, he would keep his focus on me and expect nothing in return. Always being perfectly satisfied with a good cuddle and head scratches.

However, after all of our incredibly intimate moments, I still felt like he was holding something back. I could see it in his eyes, often swimming with some sort of emotion. I didn’t want to push him because I knew he would open up eventually. I did sometimes worry that he was hiding something that he thought might upset me. For as connected as we were, it still felt like parts of him were a mystery.

Those thoughts didn’t seem to dampen my need to be near him though. The one night I went home to rest because I wasn’t feeling well was strangely lonely and unsettling. I didn’t get a lot of sleep, having thoughts of Alec sneaking in under the cover of darkness and choking me in my slumber definitely didn’t help. I hadn’t felt that anxious since the incident, now realizing it was because of Dieter. He was keeping those fears away without even trying. They were gone as soon as I reunited with him. When I went to his house the following night, I fell asleep without a worry in the world because he was there with me. 

I did appreciate Dieter’s need to focus on intimacy outside of sex. We managed a whole week without it, but after all the closeness of the week and the fire that blazed between us during our Argentine Tango performance, I couldn’t hold out anymore. I shocked myself when I suggested we fuck in the dressing room. That was one thing I had never done even though Alec tried to initiate it multiple times. I was always too worried about getting caught. It was different with Dieter though. He was slowly waking something up inside of me that I didn’t recognize. The way I craved him had reached a boiling point and I couldn’t fight it anymore. I wanted him in every way he would let me have him. 

I had never really been a fan of rough sex in the past, but as with everything else, it was different with Dieter. There was the connection between us of course, but he was also passionate. He somehow managed to turn it into something else, full of emotion and sensuality. It was a lot to process and to be honest, the sheer aching need that I had for him was scaring the hell out of me. He was quickly becoming an addiction for me. The way he made me feel confident, desired, and cared for was all the things that I had been missing, and it was thrilling. Even as my brain shouted at me to slow things down, my body craved him. After fucking in the dressing room, I still needed more. 

As his body moved against mine, his scent completely engulfed me - making me feel intoxicated by him. My skin was tingling from his affectionate touches, my lips burning from his passionate kisses, and my heart skipping beats from whatever this emotion was that was taking over my very being. His soft sighs and deep groans against my ear sent shivers down my spine and had me coming undone underneath him in no time. He followed soon after, nearly collapsing on top of me before moving to the left, still half draped across my body. 

His hands ghosted over my skin as he placed the occasional kiss on my shoulder, eventually dozing off for the night after flipping the duvet over us. That was how we still found ourselves this morning, his steady exhales blowing against the base of my neck, causing my skin to break out in goosebumps. I could feel the weight of Zee laying across my feet, both of them cocooning me in warmth. Everything about it felt so right, yet a little voice in the back of my head still questioned it. It was almost too good to be true. 

Dieter stirred, nuzzling his face further into the crook of my neck as he inhaled deeply and hugged me tighter against him. 

My sleep filled voice greeted him, “Good morning.”

He sighed as he kissed my shoulder, “Morning, beautiful.” 

To Zee’s dismay, I turned over to face him. She grumbled as she got situated again. We both snickered at her before turning our attention back to each other. I could partially make out a crease down the side of his face from laying on the blanket. I smiled as I ran my finger along it. “You sleep well?” I finally asked. 

He smiled and nodded against the pillow, “So good. It’s so much better with you here.” 

I felt my heart flutter as his chocolate eyes danced around my face. I could see that strange look there again, like he wanted to say something but didn’t. 

I cleared my throat, “You ready for another production meeting this morning?”

He rolled his eyes, inhaling deeply before answering. “I don’t see why we have to meet with them every week. Can’t they just send that shit in an email?”

I chuckled, “They could…but then they couldn’t be nosey and try to make drama for the show.”

“Ugh, such bullshit. Why can’t they just let the show be about dancing?”

I gave him a tight smile, “That’s not how they get high ratings.” 

Dieter's phone rang on the nightstand, ruining our morning chat. He sighed, turning to grab the shrilling device and finding his agent’s name flashing across the screen. He pressed ‘answer’ and brought it to his ear, “You should know better than to call me this early in the morning, Lenny.” 

I could hear a deep chuckle on the other end of the line, “Sorry to call you so early, D…but we have a potential issue. There are rumors circulating that there was a serious altercation with you and Kat’s ex last week. Is there any truth to that? Does that have anything to do with the schedule changes?”

Dieter puffed air out of his cheeks as he glanced over at me. He had obviously kept his agent in the dark about that. 

“There was…a minor incident. He attacked Kat and I pulled him off her. They did change our schedules around so that Kat doesn’t have to be near him.” 

“Damnit Dieter…can you please stay out of trouble? You’re on the upswing right now…”

I could tell Dieter was frustrated as his jaw tensed. “Sorry Len, but I’m not gonna stand by while someone close to me gets mistreated. I’m sure the public can understand that.” 

Lenny sighed loudly into the phone, “Fine…you’re right. I’ll get Janine on it and see if she can put out the fire. If you get any questions about it, don’t answer them. Maybe it’ll go away. I’m told there are some pap pics of the guy though…and his face is busted up. So, I’m not sure if it will.” 

Dieter’s brows furrowed, “Is he saying anything about it?”

“No, it’s mostly speculation I think…but they know for sure there have been schedule changes. It’s TMZ, you know how they draw conclusions about shit.” 

Dieter nodded, “Yeah, well…my lips are sealed. I’m confident Janine can handle it as long as that douchebag isn’t running his mouth. I’m sure he doesn’t want people to know about it anyway.”

The call ended soon after that as it was time for us to get ready for our production meeting. It wasn’t long before we found ourselves sitting in front of our two favorite people, Stacia and Joe. They were unusually pleasant, making small talk and checking in with me to make sure I was doing ok, and that Alec hadn’t been out of line since they had apparently had a conversation with him after our last meeting. Stacia, of course, complemented our last performance, making a point to mention how great our chemistry was on the dance floor. She was fishing for anything she could get her hands on, but we gave her nothing. We politely thanked her and redirected our conversation to this week's performance. 

I had to bite back a groan when Joe gave us our dance for the week, the Paso Doble with a traditional Spanish style song called Uccen. It was definitely going to wear me out. I had a feeling Dieter would enjoy it since the dance was more focused on the man’s performance, but I could already envision him whining about how tired he was. 

They handed over the costume sketches, putting us both in all red again, which wasn’t unusual. Black and red were pretty typical looks for this dance.  My costume had a Spanish feel to it with layers of fabric that bunched up in the back. It was shorter in the front and very flowy. It had a halter top with the same flowy fabric draped to cover the necessary areas, leaving the back completely open. They had Dieter in a red suit with a textured button up shirt. After approving the looks, we were pretty much done with the meeting. I was thankful this one was drama free. I did not need my day ruined by them. 

After the meeting, we continued our tradition of grabbing lunch together. We settled on a small cafe nearby. The staff seated us on the outdoor patio, so we made sure to be on our best behavior because there were eyes everywhere. We were even approached by a few fans to take pictures and happily obliged. Dieter was all smiles as he interacted with them, seeming perfectly at ease while I was still trying to get used to having this much attention from strangers. He seemed to sense my anxiousness, smiling gently as he reached over to give my hand a quick squeeze after they left us. 

(More after the graphic.)

We were off to the dance studio for rehearsals after that, beginning the week like we always did, by listening to our song. Dieter’s head bobbed along with the fast-paced Spanish and mediterranean style guitars mixed with folk undertones. It was obvious this would be different from anything we had done thus far. 

Once the music concluded, I clapped my hands together dramatically, “Ok, Bravo. You’re probably about to love and hate this dance.”

His brows furrowed, “Why?”

I huffed out a laugh, “Because it’s dramatic and fun, but it’s also gonna wear your ass out.” 

His brows arched as he gave me a wide-eyed stare, “I mean, you do that already.” 

I rolled my eyes and fought a smile as I stood from where we were seated on the floor, then pulled him up to join me.

“So, the Paso Doble comes from sixteenth century Spain and France. It literally translates to ‘double step’ and it’s very high energy and very…theatrical…meant to imitate a bullfighter and his cape. You would be the matador in this instance…the star of the show. I need you to have strong posture and emote power with your body and facial expressions. I’ll be your cape, with more graceful and fluid movements at times. We’re gonna be doing sort of a marching style rhythm with staccato footwork along with that. Like I said, it’s fun…but tiring.” 

Dieter gave me a tight smile, “Can we look at some videos of this before we get started? I feel like that might help get me going. I have a feeling what I’m envisioning ain’t it.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh at him. At least he was honest. He went into full work mode after that, studying each video I pulled up for him. After an hour of video watching and making notes on some things that stood out to us, we got started on the basics. He picked those up quickly, allowing us to begin planning our choreography. 

As predicted, Dieter was gasping for air and whining about being exhausted before the rehearsal time was over. Not that I could blame him, I was too. And it was only the first day. He was doing amazing though, and I made sure to tell him as much. I knew he would enjoy the theatrics of this dance which helped make up for how much work was involved. 

We basically crashed when we got back to his place. After seven and a half hours of going non-stop, we were spent. We barely had the energy to eat dinner and shower before climbing into bed early, tangling ourselves up together and zonking out for the night. 

We started our Wednesday morning off with Dieter receiving a text from Janine, his publicist. It was a link to a newly posted TMZ article.

I watched as he leaned across the kitchen island and scanned the article. His eyes crossed as he let out an annoyed groan and passed the phone to me. 

(More after the graphic.)

Dieterina Spotted Getting Cozy During Lunch After Alleged On-Set Drama Dancing with the Stars (DWTS) fan favorites Dieter Bravo and Katarina Stamos were spotted having lunch at a LA cafe yesterday. Witnesses say they seemed very cozy and touchy during their meal in between posing for pictures with fans.  This sighting comes after rumors began to circulate about a possible altercation between Dieter and Kat’s ex, professional dancer Alec Balaska, after last week's live show. If you recall, Dieter and Kat set the ballroom ablaze with their sultry performance and intense chemistry during their Argentine Tango, which earned them a perfect score for the week. It’s easy to see how that could have caused tensions to rise backstage. We have no confirmation that Dieter and Kat are officially an item, but they definitely seem to be getting close.  TMZ sources have not confirmed the altercation took place, but we can confirm there have been schedule changes that appear to have happened in an effort to keep Dieter and Kat separated from Alec as much as possible. It must also be noted that Kat did not dance with the same group as Alec during last week’s professional performances, which could help back those claims.  Alec was spotted out and about in LA with his DWTS partner and new love interest, Lana Thompson, earlier this week. He appeared to have bruises on his face but gave no response as to how he got them. His reps refused to comment. We reached out to Dieter’s publicist who also refused to comment on the situation. 

Included with the article were pictures of Dieter and I at the cafe. There were several with his hand resting atop mine as he smiled my way. There were also several zoomed in stills of our Argentine Tango performance along with an embedded video and pictures of Alec and Lana seated in Alec’s car. 

I sighed, “They really will post anything for clicks, won’t they?”

Dieter nodded, “Yep, bullshit…as usual. For all they know, he could have fallen on his face during rehearsal. It’s plausible…I’ve done it enough to know.” 

I chuckled, nodding in agreement. Just as I was about to hand Dieter’s phone back, a text popped up. There was no name, only a number. I felt my stomach drop when I unintentionally read the message. 

646-333-4545: It was nice bumping into you. Call me, so we can get together. I do miss having your mouth on me. 😉

I slid the phone toward him as I tried to control my breathing, “Umm…you have a text.” 

He picked up his phone, brows furrowing in confusion as he read it. “I have no idea who that is…I’ve not bumped into anyone.” 

I watched as he swiped, then selected ‘block’ on the screen.

I didn’t say anything, but my face must have. When he finally looked at me, I could see the worry in his eyes. 

He began shaking his head as he approached me, “I swear I don’t know who that is…maybe that actress from New York? I haven’t bumped into anyone besides her…I didn’t even have the number saved. I-I’ve been getting a lot of texts like this since SNL…people trying to hit me up to party. I’ve blocked them all, you can check. Maybe I just need to get a new number…I deleted everyone I didn’t need to talk to when I got out of rehab. I swear…”

The longer he rambled, the more panicked he sounded. I took a deep centering breath, realizing I needed to give him some leniency. It was obvious he didn’t have the number saved, and that bitch had been pushy. 

He continued, “I’ll get a new number, OK? I was thinking about doing it anyway because I’m pretty sure one of my dealers texted me the other day…I blocked him…just so we’re clear.” 

I gave him a tight smile as I reached to cup his cheek, “Hey, it's OK. I believe you.” 

He visibly relaxed into my touch, “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to think I’m doing shady shit, because I’m not. I won’t do that to you.” 

The rational part of my brain finally caught up to my emotions. We've spent ninety-five percent of our time together since we got back from New York. I would have noticed something if he was talking to other people. He was rarely on his phone, and when he was, I was usually at his side looking at it with him as we watched funny videos together.

I pulled him in for a hug, “It’s OK. I have no reason to think you’re lying.”

He backed away, “Imma text Evan right now actually…and have him take care of all that. I want zero doubts.” 

And he did text Evan after that. I never would have asked him to change his number, but the fact that he offered and got right on it did make me feel better. Alec never would have offered. It was another reminder of how completely different they were. 

Dieter made sure to take a few minutes to apologize, cuddling on the couch before I had to leave for the professional's dance rehearsal and him for his weekly therapy session. By the time I walked out the door with promises to meet up with him at the dance studio for our evening rehearsal, the whole incident was an afterthought.    

The professional’s dance rehearsal definitely had a new vibe. I could tell other cast members were looking at me differently - curiosity maybe? I tried not to pay them any attention, allowing Marc to distract me from it when we weren’t receiving instructions. He and Stefanie both had become allies in this whole mess. Given that they knew what actually happened, I had to respect that they were keeping the information quiet while not so subtly choosing a side. Marc had mentioned that people were asking him what he knew, but he refused to comment. He really was a good guy, I hadn’t given him enough credit for that in the past. 

Once we wrapped up rehearsal for the day, I made my way over to grab my water bottle. As I took small sips, I picked up my phone to scroll through the missed notifications. I had a text message from my sister asking why she hadn’t heard from me and telling me to call her. Since I had been spending all of my free time with Dieter, I had pretty much gone radio silent with her. I shot her a quick response, promising to call her the following day since we had a late rehearsal. 

I was silently debating if I should tell my sister about my relationship with Dieter as I moved on to the Instagram notifications. My brows furrowed when I came to the notification that said, ‘bangingbravo1 was live (45 min ago)’.  Well, that’s new. 

I quickly collected my things, telling Marc goodbye as I made my way to the car. After tossing my bag into the back, I sank down into the driver’s seat, pulling my phone out as I closed and locked the doors. My curiosity was making me anxious to see what Dieter was up to since this wasn’t something he normally did. I wasted no time opening Instagram and clicking the notification. He was no longer live, but the video was posted to his story. 

It appeared that he was sitting in the same spot he had been in when he and I played guitars together all those weeks ago. His black acoustic sat perched on his lap as he briefly fiddled with the camera. He then proceeded to strum and tune the instrument for a short time before glancing up and smiling, welcoming his growing number of viewers. He took a few minutes, answering questions that popped up - some about Zee, some about his plants. Someone must have asked about me, causing him to smirk as he explained that I was at dance rehearsal for the professionals, noting that he and I would be rehearsing later in the day. Then he cleared his throat, getting to the reason for going live.

“So…I’ve been getting a lot of messages and comments asking me to do more playing and singing. I hear you…so, we’re gonna give this a try and see how it goes.”

A soft curl fell down over his eyes as he glanced down to place his hands and began strumming a bluesy intro. His demeanor shifted, seeming almost melancholy as he began to sing.

This song has two very different versions and I love both. Give them a listen. 🎶Version 1 🎶 Version 2

When the sins of my father / Weigh down in my soul / And the pain of my mother / Will not let me go / Well, I know there can come fire from the sky / To refine the purest of kings / And even though I know this fire brings me pain / Even so, And just the same

His voice was full of emotion and grit as his unblinking eyes fixed on something just out of frame. He sounded soulful, but there was an edge of pain to the lyrics as they appeared to have deeper meaning to him. I knew him well enough to know that he was feeling the words, seeming to dredge up old memories or feelings. It had me wondering what he had discussed with his therapist that morning, because I knew he didn’t pick that song at random. Music was an outlet for him. It meant something. 

All seed needs the water / Before it grows out of the ground / But it just keeps on getting hard / And the hunger more profound / Well, I know there can come tears from the eyes / But they may as well all be in vain / Even though I know these tears come with pain / Even so, And just the same

His line of sight drifted, appearing to focus on nothing as he took on a far-away look. A deep crease formed between his brows, his eyes turning somewhat glassy as he belted out the next verse. I had never seen him like this, but I knew that look all too well from experience. He was reliving something from his past. Something painful that had potentially shaped him into the man he had become - both the old and new version of himself. 

And let the clouds fill with thunderous applause / And let lightning be the veins / And fill the sky with all that they can drop / When it's time to make a change

As he finished out the song with the last few refrains of the chorus, I realized tears were streaming down my cheeks. Every hair on my body was standing on end as my flesh pebbled from the sound of his voice. I could feel it in my soul. The connection that he and I seemed to share only made me feel it that much deeper. I couldn’t recall anything ever having affected me like this before. 

After the last lyric left his lips, he inhaled deeply to center himself. He sat silently for a beat, then his eyes flicked up to the camera. They were pools of emotion as he gave a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He was obviously reading the flood of comments filling the stream. Then he finally spoke. 

“You all are too kind…it’s more than I probably deserve.” 

He paused, swallowing thickly as he continued to read the comments. He nodded, “I’ll uhh, yeah, I’ll do another live soon…thank you.”

After saying his goodbyes, the stream ended. I had to take a moment to pull myself together. We were supposed to meet at the dance studio for rehearsal in an hour and a half, but I couldn’t wait. Something told me that I needed to go to him. So, I did. 

When I got to his house, I knocked and rang the doorbell, but there was no answer. Figuring he was still upstairs and maybe couldn’t hear it, I tried the doorknob. To my surprise, it was unlocked. So, I let myself in and headed toward his sanctuary. 

I found him with wireless headphones on, slouched back into the chair and lazily strumming the strings on his guitar. He still had that vacant far-away look in his eyes as he stared at nothing. My movement in the doorway must have caught his attention because his eyes snapped toward me as he paused his motions. 

His brows furrowed as he pulled the headphones off, giving a small smile as he asked, “What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting at the dance studio?”

Moving toward him, I could tell something was off. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, and I hated it. As I stood in front of him, our gazes met. He sighed, then placed the guitar back on its stand next to the chair and set the headphones on the floor beside it. His eyes met mine as he worried at his bottom lip with his teeth. 

“Are you OK?” I finally asked. 

His shoulders slumped as he leaned back in his seat and scratched at his patchy beard, now avoiding my gaze. 

“No. But I’m gettin’ there. One day at a time…”

My feet carried me forward as I reached to run my hands through the top of his messy curls. He sighed as his arms found their way around my waist, pulling me to him so he could rest his head against my chest. I needed to be closer, shifting so that I could raise first the right, then the left leg to straddle his lap. He hugged me tighter as he buried his face into the curve of my neck and inhaled deeply. I could feel him relaxing more and more with each breath that he took. 

He lifted his head, pressing it against mine as he hugged me just a little tighter. 

“Thank you for coming. I needed this…needed you.” 

My nose brushed against his, “You have me. Tell me what you need from me.” 

He shook his head, “I…I don’t know.”

My right hand moved to his chest. I could feel his heart thrumming away under my palm as his eyes pooled with tears and his breathing became shallow. He seemed lost. I needed to bring him back and ground him to the present. 

After extracting myself from his embrace, I stood, taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom. I pulled him into a deep kiss, eventually breaking away to slowly undress him and trail soft touches and kisses along his body. His hands explored every inch of newly exposed skin as I undressed myself next. Once we were bare, I led him to the bed where we both lay down facing each other. He pulled me against him, tangling limbs together as we held each other. His face found its way back to the curve of my neck as he took deep and steady breaths to calm himself. I cradled his head against me, gently running my fingers through his fluffy curls to soothe him. 

We stayed like that for a time. Strangely, it didn’t feel sexual at all. Yet, it had to be one of the most intimate moments I had ever experienced with another person. He was showing me his vulnerability, sharing his pain with me as our bare skin touched from head to toe - allowing ourselves to be connected physically and emotionally without judgement. The intensity of it was scary but also mixed with a strange feeling of relief and security. It was a hard feeling to wrap my head around as I tried to stay present for him. 

Once his breathing settled to normal, he pulled away to meet my gaze with a serene expression. His eyes danced around my face as his hand glided up and down the side of my body. I would give anything to know what was going on in his head at that moment. The way he was looking at me caused the air to crackle around us. It felt like there was something he wanted to say, but instead, he leaned forward and captured my lips with his. It was slow, passionate, and needy. 

We melted into each other, further deepening the connection that I currently felt humming between us. As I moved against him, touching and tasting his skin, I could feel his hardness growing and rubbing against my center. He groaned into my mouth as I began to grind against it, coating his length in my arousal. He wasted no time shifting so that he was between my thighs and sinking in to the hilt as he caged me in between his arms. His hips didn’t move, but he continued to kiss me deeply as I hugged him tightly. 

Several minutes passed before we broke apart. His hips finally began their painfully slow thrusts as we got lost in each other's eyes. This didn’t feel like it was about the sex for him. Maybe it was his way of staying grounded in the present. Or, perhaps it was about strengthening whatever bond was forming between us. Maybe it was even a little bit of both. There were definitely some strong emotions swirling around us as we moved together. It was almost overwhelming, causing my chest to tighten and tears to prickle at the corners of my eyes. 

There was no question about it now, I was in love with him. It ran deeper than it ever had with Alec or anyone else. The realization caused my heart to race as the anxiety set in. Was this too fast? Too soon? We’re either of us really ready for this? 

Dieter seemed to sense the shift in my thoughts, reaching to run his fingertips down the side of my face as he nudged his nose against mine. It helped calm me some but did nothing to dampen the sudden and intense rush of emotions I was feeling for him. 

The languid pace in which he was moving drew out how long this all lasted, but it felt right. We were completely lost in each other, causing the world around us to blur and cease to exist. It was the slowest build to a release that I had ever experienced. When I finally fell over the edge, it was intense and euphoric, seeming to go on forever. I felt like I was floating and the only thing keeping me tethered to this plane was Dieter. He followed behind me soon after, unable to hold it back as my walls contracted around him. He pressed his forehead against mine, his eyes clenching shut as he spilled into me with a deep groan that turned to quiet whimpers with the last few thrusts of his hips. 

He sighed heavily against my lips, clearly savoring the high he was riding after his release. I peppered small kisses around his face as I brushed back his sweaty curls. His dark eyes finally opened, meeting mine before capturing my mouth with his. He broke away to catch his breath, both of us still gulping for air as we took each other in. 

He eventually shifted to lay facing me as I turned toward him. His hand slid around my waist to pull me closer. We were nose to nose when he finally spoke, “I think I should maybe tell you why I had such a strong reaction to the Alec thing…it’s sort of the root of everything…why I am the way I am…”

I took a deep breath, “Ok…but I don’t want you to feel like you have to. Only tell me if you want to…and if you’re ready.” 

He nodded, “I want to…I think it’ll help you understand me a little better…and…my therapist thinks I should tell you too.”

I gave him a small smile as I reached to scratch at the scruff on his cheek, continuing to lazily rub in circles as he began to speak. 

“I…didn’t have the best childhood growing up. My dad…he was an asshole. I can’t remember a time when he didn’t abuse my mom, but it got progressively worse over the years. I couldn’t tell you how many times I sat with her or tried to take care of her after he bloodied her up. I remember always feeling helpless when I was younger…I wanted to protect her, but I couldn’t.” 

He paused, sighing heavily as he reached for my hand that was still rubbing at his scruff and entwined our fingers to rest on the bed between us. 

“Of course, that was when she still cared about life…about me. At some point she started drinking…which ultimately made things worse with him. It got to the point where she stayed wasted all the time and didn’t really seem to care about anything. By the time I was a teenager, I was pretty much taking care of myself. My dad left me alone for the most part, until I started interfering with their fights…trying to protect her.” 

He swallowed thickly as his eyes turned glassy, “I thought…maybe if I could protect her…that I could get her back…matter to her again. You know what I mean? I just felt so alone…abandoned even…just existing. It only made things worse though. My dad no longer held back from directing his anger at me and it just seemed to push my mom further away.” 

He scoffed as he squeezed my hand a little tighter, “Hell, there were times I think she was happy he was taking it out on someone besides her.”

I could see the pain that realization caused him as a deep crease formed between his brows. He stared, unblinking, at our intertwined hands as he continued. 

“When I was in high school, I joined the drama club. For once, I had several close friends. That’s when I realized my sexual preferences…varied…and I started exploring my preferences within that group. Anyway, there was this one guy I spent a lot of time with. It wasn’t serious, but we had a thing. I guess someone saw us together at the mall and we were obvious about it. Word got back to my dad, and he absolutely lost his shit over it. No son of his was gonna be like that. He called me every slur you can think of while he tried to ‘beat the gayness out of me’. That was one of the times I snapped on him. I got in a few good hits, but he still beat the hell out of me.”

The tears finally spilled down his cheeks. He sniffled a little before he continued. 

“It was pretty bad…and the sad part was…my mom couldn’t bother to care. She didn’t check on me once. After spending a day in bed and feeling like I was dying, I managed to drag myself over to Evan’s house. I lied and told everyone I got mugged. His mom ended up taking me to the ER…I had a concussion and a couple of broken ribs. Of course, all my parents cared about was the astronomical hospital bill.”

It was my turn for tears now. My heart was breaking for him. I squeezed his hand tighter as I gave him a sympathetic look. 

He sighed and finally met my gaze, “It got pretty unbearable after that. I couldn’t stand being at home. My dad was constantly belittling me and saying things that made me feel like I was a dirty abomination. My mom even said she was disappointed in my behavior at one point...I think that’s when I really started to hate myself. I didn’t feel like I was worthy of being loved or happy…I started having some pretty dark thoughts.”

He paused briefly, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he considered what to say next. 

“Eventually…Evan’s mom took me in after she figured out what was going on. She helped me through the emancipation process so they couldn’t have control over me anymore…but the damage was done. I had already started self-medicating with alcohol…and after I got my big break in Hollywood with money to burn, the slow spiral started. Honestly, I’m not even sure how I’m still alive after some of the shit I’ve done.” 

“What made you finally wanna change things?” I asked. 

He shrugged, “After my third overdose, my agent gave me an ultimatum…either get sober or I was done. None of the studios wanted to work with me anymore because I was a liability…and by that point Evan had quit working for me. He was tired of my shit. I was also damn near bankrupt. Everything just sort of converged and blew up on me at once. So, I took that last stint in rehab seriously. I had sort of an epiphany about getting my life together and wanted to learn how to be happy…exercise the demons out of my life. Somehow, I found a way to do it, but it’s still a struggle some days. Sometimes I get triggered and wanna go back to that dark place…but I’m slowly learning how to cope with it. I’ve found new ways to channel that energy into something positive.”

I suddenly felt a wave of anxiety hit me, realizing that the drama with Alec had been a trigger for him. I felt like shit over it. 

“I’m sorry that I involved you with the Alec stuff. I didn’t realize the sort of effect it was having on you.”

He shook his head, “No, it’s ok. I was worried about you more than anything. I didn’t want you to get hurt…or lose yourself to him. I wanted to keep you safe…and the fact that you gave me a chance…trusted me with that…it meant more to me than you realize.”

I sighed, “But when you found us in the dressing room, I could see it. It did something to you beyond being upset about what he did.” 

His brows furrowed, “It was just…the fact that I wanted to inflict pain on him…it scared me a little. I was worried that I was more like my dad than I realized…that a part of me was violent enough to do the things he did…because I really wanted to. Then I was also afraid that I had scared you…that you would think I was no better than Alec. I didn’t want you to think that I could treat you the same way.”

My lips set into a tight line. I was determined to make him see himself as I do. 

“You’re nothing like either of those men. I know this. You’re just fiercely protective of those you care about…If anything, you’re a nurturer. You’re selfless and enjoy caring for others. You’re an amazing person and worthy of everything good that life brings to you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe that.” 

From the way his face scrunched up, I could tell he was fighting back his emotions. I pulled him against me, allowing him to bury his face against my neck as I hugged him. His arms tightened around me as his shoulders began to shake with his quiet sobs. His sniffles became a little more frequent as he allowed himself to feel whatever it was he was feeling. 

He was right, knowing about his past did help me understand him better. His past self-destructive behavior and difficulty with relationships made so much more sense. The fact that he had shared this with me so willingly showed me that he was trying to break the cycle and connect with me in ways that he never had with anyone else. He was still putting in the work to better himself and be happy. 

I continued to sooth him for a time, until he finally pulled away as he wiped his face with a tentative smile, causing his eyes to crinkle around the edges. Realizing that he was obviously feeling better, I gave him an encouraging smile in return.

“You somehow always seem to know what I need before I do. Thank you for not being afraid to show me,” he finally said. 

I chuckled, “I don’t really know. I just know what I would want under the circumstances.”

He hummed as he nuzzled his nose against mine, “So…naked cuddling and slow, mind-blowing sex? Noted.” 

I laughed. It was nice to see his sense of humor returning. 

“Sooo…were you and Evan a thing at one point?” I asked. I couldn’t help being curious about it. 

Dieter snorted, “Hell no. We were in the drama club together, but he doesn't swing that way. Never has. He likes boobs too much. He was there for the chics.” 

I snickered, “Good to know. I didn’t get those vibes between you two, but I had to ask. I didn’t realize he’d been around for that long.” 

He smiled, “Oh yeah, we go way back. I’m not sure I could trust anyone else to handle my stuff the way he does. He actually looks out for me and has my best interest in mind…calls me on my shit when he needs to. I’ve had other assistants that just wanted to enable my bad behavior so they could party and take advantage of me in some way. I can’t be having that anymore.” 

I couldn’t help wondering about his parents after that. He seemed to notice something was on my mind and asked what I was thinking about. 

“Have you had any contact with your parents since you left?” I asked. 

His lips set into a tight line, “Umm well…my mom pretty much drank herself to death. She died years ago…but my dad…I think he’s still around somewhere. It’s been a while, but I’ll occasionally get a call asking for money. I don’t give him shit. That goes over about like you would expect. He hasn’t changed much. He’s still an asshole.” 

I sighed, “I’m sorry.”

He shrugged, “It is what it is. I can’t change him. I can only change myself and how I respond to him.” 

We soon noticed the time, realizing that we were going to be late for our evening rehearsal. After rushing around, we eventually made it to the studio. I think Dieter was happy for the distraction, quickly settling into our routine and focusing on the performance. He was back to his goofy and smiley self, having fun as we tried out a couple of different options for the choreography. At times we behaved a little less professionally as our bodies moved together with lingering touches and lips brushing against any skin they could get near without being completely obvious to anyone who might be passing by. 

Things were definitely evolving between us, yet again. After the events from earlier in the day, I could tell something had changed. It was like all of the broken pieces of our being were slowly falling back into place and somehow converging into one. With every new piece that found its place, our connection steadily grew. Part of me questioned if it was real or just being overblown and intensified by the circumstances we found ourselves in. I hated to think like that, but it was something to consider. 

After rehearsals, I found myself back at Dieter’s house. It was late, so we settled on something quick for dinner. Dieter made sandwiches that were fancier than anything I had ever put together between two pieces of bread. He was incapable of doing things halfway it seemed. 

We got ready for bed after that, going through our newly established routine. We didn’t even bother changing into sleep clothes, now opting to sleep in nothing instead. I crawled into bed, snuggling in while Dieter shut off the lights and made sure the door was cracked for Zee. He slid under the blankets, reaching to pull me against him and tangle our limbs together. After burying his face in my hair, he sighed in contentment and squeezed me just a little tighter. He was asleep within minutes, and I wasn’t too far behind him. 

When I awoke the next morning, Dieter was still snoring lightly against the back of my shoulder. I could just make out Zee’s paw stretched out across the side of his head and disappearing into his mess of curls as she snoozed behind him. I moved to get up, but Dieter groaned and stiffened his arm that was thrown over my middle. 

I chuckled and whined, “Diiieter, I’ve gotta peeee.”

He huffed as he mumbled out a gravelly, “Fine.” Then he turned, snuggling Zee instead. “Guess I’ll just cuddle my other cat then.” 

I laughed at his ridiculousness, shaking my head as I made my way to the bathroom. Once I was finished, I took the opportunity to swipe another one of Dieter’s t-shirts that said ‘Stay Horny for Art’ in large letters across the front. It had me shaking my head all over again as I slipped it on and walked out into the bedroom. I made my way over to his side of the bed, leaning down to ruffle his hair before giving him a quick kiss. 

“I’m gonna go get breakfast started.”

He grabbed my hand, kissing the top of it before groaning and hiding his face from the sunlight that was beginning to sneak through the curtains. I smiled to myself as I pulled away and made my way downstairs. He was too adorable when he was half asleep and needy. 

I was obviously nowhere as good of a cook as Dieter, so I decided to keep it simple. As I was digging through the pantry for pancake ingredients I heard movement in the kitchen. Assuming it was Dieter, I called out to ask, “Do you know where the…”

My words trailed off as I walked out of the pantry to find a petite woman, most likely in her early fifties, with short dark red hair, and a scowl on her face. I stopped in my tracks, taken off guard by her sudden appearance. 

She stood with her hands on her hips as she looked me up and down, “I thought he was done bringing hussies home?”

I nearly choked on my own spit as I sucked in a breath. I shook my head, “No… I’m not…”

She sighed, “Did he relapse again? I’m gonna kick his ass if he did…then quit.” 

That took me by surprise. I liked her already. Spitfire indeed. 

I held my hands out in surrender, “No…he’s fine. He’s still in bed, asleep. You must be Cora, I presume?”

She seemed taken aback that I knew who she was, her face shifting from frustration to confusion before she nodded.

I gave her what I hoped was a polite smile, “I’m Kat. Dieter’s dance partner…”

I could tell when the realization hit because her eyes widened and her mouth fell open slightly before she finally spoke, “I’m not sure what to do with this...” 

I chuckled, “It’s ok…I think this is a learning experience for all of us.” 

Dieter chose that moment to come shuffling into the kitchen wearing nothing but a pair of grey gym shorts and black crocs with Zee at his heels on a mission for breakfast. He came to stand next to me so he could wrap his arm around my waist and give me a quick kiss on the cheek, smiling lazily as he turned toward Cora, “I see you’ve finally met my lady. I hope you weren’t too hard on her…”

Cora’s eyebrows lifted up to her hairline as she studied Dieter. If I had to guess, I could only assume he had never acted this way toward anyone in front of her before. She gave a hesitant smile, “Dieter…you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

He pulled me snugly against his chest, “Well…we’re not exactly making it public yet…but Kat and I are together.”

“Together?” she asked. As if she needed confirmation. 

He nodded as he fought a laugh, “Yeah…together. Like…a couple. Dating. Courting. Whatever your generation calls it.”

She gave him an admonishing look, “My generation? I’m not that much older than you, you little shit. You’ll be fifty in no time.”

I clapped a hand over my mouth to hold in the laughter that was threatening to escape. Dieter, on the other hand, cackled over her words. I could already see why he hired her. She was his kind of people. 

Cora rolled her eyes at him before changing the subject back to us. “Well, this makes sense. I knew something was going on with you…you’ve been different lately. I just thought you were slipping back into your old habits and tryin’ ta hide it. I’m happy to see that’s not the case.”

She paused, giving me a mischievous smile before looking back at Dieter. “Looks like you’ve made a good decision for once. I’m not getting floozy, gold digging vibes from this one.”

Dieter chuckled as he turned to look at me with a dimpling smile, “No. She’s definitely not a floozy or a gold digger…she’s perfect.” 

He had that sappy look in his eyes as they danced around my face. His smile widened as my cheeks flushed from his gaze and the words he said so freely. I could feel my heart fluttering in my chest as the thoughts of what that feeling meant, bounced around in my head. I refused to acknowledge it by name, but I knew what it was. The fact that I was falling so hard, so fast, had my mind reeling. I had to quickly pivot my train of thought before a spiral started. My attention shifted back to Cora, who was watching us intently, with a toothy smile. 

Dieter invited her to sit for breakfast as he shuffled things around on the top shelf of the pantry to find the pancake ingredients. After refusing to let me help, I joined Cora on a stool at the island to watch Dieter cook. We slipped into an easy conversation, getting to know each other a little better while also teasing Dieter in any way we could. She was quickly becoming one of my new favorite people. It made me happy to know this was who Dieter was choosing to surround himself with now, even if she was hired help. 

Since we didn’t have to be in rehearsal until later in the day, we spent some time lazing about in the pool. Not a minute passed that we weren’t touching each other in some way - be it laying back against his chest as he whispered sweetly in my ear while we lounged in the shallows or wrapped in his arms as he held me tightly and spoke in a low voice against my lips between kisses in the deep water. It never felt sexual. We were content just being wrapped up in each other as we bonded through touch and conversation. It made me realize how serious he was in not making our relationship about sex. 

He opened himself up to me in a way I didn’t think anyone ever had, holding nothing back and giving me every part of himself. There was a lightness to him now, like everything that once weighed him down had been discarded and left in the past. It made me hopeful for him, and for us. His smile and happiness were infectious and warm. He was the sun and my light, teaching me how to find my confidence and love myself again. However, in the back of my mind I still had a worry that I was allowing him to affect me too much, too soon. I knew he had the power to break me in a way that Alec couldn’t, but he had given me more than enough reasons to trust that he wouldn’t. 

After spending a good amount of time in the pool, we decided to relax and read on a chaise lounger. Dieter sat down, then allowed me to sit between his thighs and recline against his chest as I read aloud from the pages of Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol. This eventually shifted into a debate about US government conspiracy theories which had us in fits of giggles as we argued our points for and against each one. We were into a deep conversation about the Roswell crash when my phone rang on the table next to us with an incoming FaceTime call. Dieter reached for it and handed it to me. 

Seeing my sister’s name flash on the screen elicited a sigh from me. “I probably better answer this. She’s been giving me hell because I haven’t called her in a few weeks.” 

Dieter shifted to get up and give me some privacy, but I stopped him, “No. Stay. I might as well tell her what I’ve been up to in my free time…”

He gave me a nervous look as he settled back into the seat. I took a deep breath then hit the ‘answer’ button, careful to keep the camera focused on my face for now as I smiled into it. 

“Lydia, hey…how are you?”

She looked annoyed, “About damn time you answered. Why haven’t you called me?”

I smiled nervously, “Oh you know…I’ve been busy with rehearsals…”

She scoffed, “You’re never this busy with rehearsals…”

I scoffed back, “Well, I typically don’t make it this far into the competition to keep me this busy with rehearsals…” 

She paused for a beat, considering my response. “Fair point. I guess I’ll let it slide…How come you’re not rehearsing now?”

I pushed a stray piece of hair away that was blowing in my face, “Our schedule got moved around a bit. We have an evening rehearsal today.” 

She nodded, “Well…what’s been going on? I haven’t talked to you in weeks. Has Alec been an issue?”

I grimaced and shrugged, “You know…it’s Alec. I’m just avoiding him as much as I can and trying to move on…”

Something in my demeanor must have tipped her off, causing her eyes to narrow slightly. “And how is the moving on going? I feel like you’ve been very…nonchalant about this whole thing…” 

I pursed my lips, “I mean…I was kind of over his shit before the thing with Lana happened. So, it’s like a weight has been lifted, honestly.” 

Her eyes narrowed further, “Where are you right now?” 

I could tell Dieter was holding in laughter, causing me to fight a smile as I replied. “I’m hanging out by the pool at a friend’s house.” 

Dieter was shaking now, burying his face in the back of my hair to muffle his giggles. My teeth sunk into my bottom lip in an attempt to hide my smile as I angled the phone just right to cut him out of frame. 

Lydia’s eyebrow arched. She was not amused with my evasive answers. “How are things going with your dance partner? You’ve hardly said anything about him…”

I couldn’t help smirking at that question, “It’s going good…he’s a good dancer…and we get along.”

Her face told me she was on to my bullshit while her voice feigned ignorance. “Hm, well that’s good. I guess that’s why you have such good chemistry on the dance floor then…” 

I chuckled, “Well, he is an Oscar winning actor. He knows how to play a role well…” 

I could tell Dieter was about to lose what little composure he had over that line. I wasn’t too far behind him. 

Lydia sighed, “Kat…just tell me what the hell is going on. I’m not an idiot…something is up with you. Did something happen with him?”

I scrunched up my nose, “You really wanna know?” 

She sighed, “Kat, seriously?” She paused and rubbed at the crease between her brows as she continued, “So there is something to that TMZ article then? Please tell me he at least fucked some sense into you and made ya realize that Alec was a shitty lay?”

Dieter snorted out a laugh before clapping his hand over his mouth. I grimaced while trying to hold in my own laughter. Lydia’s brows furrowed in confusion. 

I glanced up at Dieter with a questioning look. After getting a nod of approval from him, I stretched my arms out in front of us so that we both fit into the frame. Dieter smiled sheepishly and waved. Lydia gasped out a shocked, “Oh shit!” before accidentally dropping her phone. 

Dieter and I burst into laughter as the blurred images on the screen bounced around before finally focusing back on her shocked face. She sat there staring with her mouth hanging open as she processed what she was seeing. 

Dieter chuckled before finally speaking, “Hi, Lydia! I’m sorry I’ve been keeping your sister from you. I swear it’s not on purpose.” 

Her mouth finally snapped shut, “Wow, OK. So, this is like…happening then?” 

I nodded with a smile, “Yeah, it kind of is…” 

She looked overwhelmed now as she sputtered out, “How?...When?…Does Alec know?…” She paused, then gasped out, “Did you cheat on Alec? Please say yes.” 

Dieter buried his face in my neck as he laughed at her. I shook my head and chuckled, “No. No cheating. It was after I ended things with Alec…in New York. Dieter’s been really supportive with everything and was looking out for me. We had gotten close and…it just sort of…happened.”

I reached up behind me to cup his cheek. He wasted no time lacing his fingers through mine as he turned his head to kiss the palm of my hand and pulled it away to nuzzle his cheek against the side of my head. 

Lydia looked absolutely dumbfounded as she mumbled out, “Holy shit. So, you’re like together, together? This isn’t a fling type thing?” 

I scoffed, “No, you know I’m not into that.”

She laughed, “I KNEW something was going on with him! I could tell from the way you look at him when you’re dancing on the show.”

Dieter and I snickered before I continued, “Well, we’re not going public yet. The producers are trying hard to make this a thing and I refuse to let them. Alec suspects, but I don’t wanna give him any more ammunition to come at us. I just wanna make it through this season with as little drama as possible and be done with it all.” 

She nodded before her expression shifted to one of worry. “So, how has it been going…with you two?” 

The question seemed innocent enough, but her tone told another story. Dieter sighed quietly, then leaned in next to my ear, “I’m gonna go get us something to drink and give you two some time to chat.” 

I felt my stomach drop and hoped that hadn’t upset him as I shifted so that he could get up. He gave me a quick kiss on the top of the head before he disappeared inside. 

My eyes shifted back to the phone, “Did you really have to ask that right now?”

She huffed out a nervous laugh, “What do you mean?”

It was my turn to narrow my eyes, “You know what I mean…you and your disapproving tone.”

She sighed, “It’s not disapproval…it’s concern. You just got out of a very long term engagement with an asshole and immediately got with Dieter Bravo of all people? He has a reputation ya know. I just worry is all.” 

I couldn’t argue with her logic. Those same thoughts had already crossed my mind on more than one occasion.

My brows furrowed, “I completely understand where you’re coming from…I’ve thought about that too. It is fast, but we were building a solid friendship beforehand. It’s not like I just met him last week. And Dieter…he’s not what you would expect…certainly not what I expected. He’s actually very caring and sweet. He’s been working really hard on himself…and he really is a good person. We’ve connected in a way that I’ve never connected with anyone before…”

She puffed air through her cheeks as she rubbed at her temple, “Oh Kat…you’ve got it bad, don’t you?”

I sighed, “Yeah, I think I do…I mean, the man is learning to make Greek food for me…and he’s always worried about how I’m feeling after rehearsals. He makes a point to take care of me…cooking, hot baths, massages…Alec always acted like my body aches were such a damn burden. And Dieter…he’s so open about everything…his past, his feelings. He’s the complete opposite of Alec in every way. How could I not have it bad with that?”

Lydia let out a low whistle, “Damn, sis…he almost sounds too good to be true. What about his reputation though? The whoring around and partying? Doesn’t that worry you?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. It was frustrating, but I understood where she was coming from. 

“He’s been sober for ten months and hasn’t been with anyone else for even longer than that. He’s been taking it seriously…We’ve talked through why he used to do those things and he’s working through it…I-I trust him. He’s not that person any more. He’s already proved that to me in a million different ways.” 

She grimaced slightly, “Are you sure this isn’t another one of your ‘I can fix him’ phases?”

I scoffed, “I should be offended by that…but I kind of deserved it. I-It’s not that. Dieter doesn’t need me to fix him. He was already fixing himself before he met me. He did that part on his own.”

That seemed to alleviate some of her worries, causing her features to relax. “Well, that’s good to hear at least.”

I huffed out a laugh, “Hell, if anything he’s fixing me...”

Lydia snickered, “So he’s good in bed then…” 

I couldn’t help rolling my eyes as I fought a smile, “That’s not what I was referring to, but yes…he is. He’s very attentive, skilled…adventurous…and he knows how to read me. No direction needed. It’s…more than just sex with him too…it’s always very intimate…during and after.”

I paused, briefly laughing to myself as I thought about mine and Dieter’s previous conversation we had in this very spot. “When we got back from New York, he invited me over to stay with him…he didn’t wanna have sex that night. He said he didn’t want it to be all about that with us. We didn’t do it again for like a week. He’s all about exploring all forms of intimacy.” 

Lydia’s eyes nearly bulged out her head with that news. “Fuuuck, ok. He just won me over because that’s a major turn on.”

I laughed, “Right? You understand now? And I haven’t even told you about his cat and plants.”

Lydia looked intrigued, however, Dieter chose that moment to emerge from the house carrying two glasses of lemonade. 

I murmured out a quick “I’ll fill you in on that later,” as I turned to smile up at him. I scooted forward so he could take his seat behind me after he set the glasses on the small table beside us. He wasted no time wrapping his arms around my waist and hugging me tightly against his chest. 

“Alright ladies, what did I miss?” he asked in a playful tone. 

Lydia bit back a laugh, “Kat was just telling me that you’re awesome in the sack.”

I could feel my cheeks flush, “Fucking hell, Lyd. Shut up.” 

Dieter vibrated from laughter behind me, shaking his head as he spoke. “Well, I guess there are worse things she could be saying.” 

We fell into easy conversation after that, somehow dragging Lydia into our prior discussion about conspiracy theories. They were both laughing and already throwing jokes at one another. I could tell she liked him which gave me some comfort. After we hung up, a text message immediately pinged from Lydia.

Lydia: OK. I get it now. Hot. Fucking hilarious. Worships you. I approve. 👏👏👏   

I smiled and showed it to Dieter, who howled with laughter. He was feeling pretty smug, having won the affections of my sister. 

Soon after that, relaxation time was up. We had to get to the studio for a rather exhausting rehearsal. Given that the Paso Doble is a fast paced, Latin style dance, it didn’t take long before we were running on fumes, but the choreography was really beginning to come together by this point in the week. Dieter was having fun with the fact that most of the attention for this dance was on him and allowed him to show a little bit of sass and attitude. He was definitely playing up those attributes, and I was enjoying every second of it. Especially after he declared the room felt like an inferno and peeled his sweaty shirt off over his head.

(Click images to enlarge so you don't miss anything. More after the jump.)

The constant rehearsals were definitely having an effect on his body, toning all the right muscles and slimming him down slightly. He looked amazing and I could tell he was feeling it too. He seemed more confident in himself, which only led to more torture for me. It was obvious he was intentionally flaunting the goods to get me worked up - not that I was complaining. I didn’t mind seeing more skin or watching the muscles in his chest, arms, and back flex as he moved around the dance floor. It was quickly becoming one of my favorite sights. Especially when he added that sexy smirk of his to the mix. 

After rehearsal, Dieter went to pick up takeout for us while I ran home to check on things and resupply on clothes and the essentials before I made my way over to his house. He was just setting Zee’s dinner down on her mat when I walked in. They seemed to be having some sort of standoff over the evening’s meal selection as he placed his hands on his hips and huffed down at her. She sat defiantly staring up at him as her tail flicked back and forth. I rolled my lips together to hold in my laugh as I watched Zee meow loudly, which elicited a heavy sigh from Dieter. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. There’s nothing wrong with it, woman. You don’t have to have freshly cooked protein with every meal.”

She meowed again, then glanced at her plate before shifting her eyes back to his. He rolled his eyes and puffed air out of his cheeks before stalking over to the pantry, then emerged with a pouch of tuna. Clearly losing the battle with his furry little menace. Zee seemed more enthusiastic about her dinner as she watched him spoon a small amount out on top of her food. Finally, a compromise. 

Dieter turned his attention to me with an exasperated look on his face. “I think I have unintentionally created a monster,” he said through a chuckle. 

I walked over toward the island to unpack our dinner as I snickered, “It seems so…but I gotta say, watching you two battle it out has become one of my favorite pastimes. She’s got you wrapped around her little paw.” 

He came to stand behind me, grazing his nose up the side of my neck as he wrapped his arms around me. “What can I say? I live to serve my two ladies. I’m your bitch and I have no shame to say it.” 

I snorted out a laugh as I sank back against him, turning to give him a quick kiss. He pulled away with a smile, “Speaking of…I got you some spanakopita…and after you eat, we’re taking a hot bath. If my body hurts this bad, I know yours has to.” 

I smiled up at him, “Sounds like a plan. I am feeling quite achy this evening.” 

His lips set into a tight line, “I’ll make you some herbal tea. It’ll help. Now…go sit. Get off your feet. I’ll handle all this.” 

The no nonsense look on his face told me there was no arguing. So, I did as he said. He had a plate full of food and a glass of water in front of me within minutes, making sure I was taken care of before he sat down beside me. When we finished, he put everything away while I spent a few minutes cuddling Zee and drinking my fresh cup of herbal tea. He soon disappeared upstairs to run the bath, and I followed several minutes later. 

I found Dieter undressed down to his boxer briefs and leaning over the side of the tub, checking the water temperature and adding some Epsom salt. The sight of him caused my pulse to quicken. When he turned and gave me his sexy little smirk, I thought my heart would explode out of my chest. Without a word, he stood to grab a brush and began to meticulously brush the knots out of my hair caused by today’s rehearsal. Then he twisted it up and secured it with a flat clip. He proceeded to undress me, taking his time to allow his hands and lips to gently explore my body before helping me into the tub. 

Dieter settled in on the opposite end, immediately taking one of my feet into his large hands and began massaging. I relaxed into the water, enjoying the feel of the jets spraying along my body and Dieter’s touch. We sat staring at each other in silence, the air around us electric as we simply existed together. His lips tugged upward as his fingers dipped down to rub at that spot on my foot, causing my thighs to clench. My teeth sunk into my bottom lip as I narrowed my eyes in his direction. 

The smirk was back now, “What’s the matter Kitten? You need something from me?” 

I further relaxed into the water, “I think you’re the one being naughty right now, Bravo.” 

His brows arched, “Let me show you how naughty I can be. Just lay back and relax. Don’t fight the sensations. Imma show you how nerve endings work.”

I did as he asked, trying to loosen up and just feel as our eyes remained locked in an intense stare. His thumbs got to work, gradually increasing pressure in the spots he knew would get me worked up. I could feel the tingle begin in my foot, eventually shooting up directly to my core. My first instinct was to pull away just because it was an odd sensation. It caused his grip to tighten as he tsked at me, “Relax, Kitten. Don’t fight it. Feel it.” 

He continued the same pressure with his thumb, allowing me a moment to become accustomed to the sensation. I was soon panting under his touch, my thighs tensing as my center sought out more friction. It was as if I was suspended right on the edge, close enough to feel something but never completely falling over. His hooded gaze told me that he was enjoying watching me writhe under his touch at the other end of the tub. I lost track of how long that went on. I was damn near in tears when he gave me that mischievous smirk and finally spoke, “Touch yourself for me…” 

My jaw fell slack as one hand moved down to my massage breast and the other to my center. My fingers got to work rubbing at the sensitive and swollen nub, adding to the sensations I was already feeling from where Dieter continued to rub my foot, now adding even more pressure with his thumbs. Within seconds, I fell over the edge. My body tensing and arching out of the water as a loud moan escaped my lips. I saw stars as the blood rushed behind my ears. It was one of the most intense orgasms I had ever had from basic stimulation. Dieter continued rubbing my foot through it, prolonging the sensations until I finally relaxed into the water.  

When my senses finally returned, my eyes fluttered open to find Dieter’s smug smile. He seemed rather proud of himself. I gave him a lazy smile in return, suggestively running my foot down his chest until it disappeared under the water - going lower to brush against his hardness that was hiding under the surface. His eyes narrowed, “Now who's being naughty?”

I gave him an innocent smile, “Oh no…I’m just returning the favor.” 

I sat up, shifting to join him at the other end of the tub. With my breast pressed against him, I leaned in for a slow and sensual kiss. My left arm moved around his neck allowing my fingers to tangle in his hair as my lips trailed down his jaw to first suck on his ear lobe before moving to the sensitive spot behind it. I resituated myself, my left side leaning against him as my right hand traced a path downward. His lips captured mine until my fingers wrapped around the base of his cock and stroked upward. His jaw fell slack, breaking our kiss as his head dropped backward onto the ledge of the tub. With the arm that was wrapped around me, he reached up to gently rub soothing circles at the base of my neck as I continued to pump his length - occasionally swiping my thumb over the head and squeezing just a little tighter.

I took this opportunity to take in his expressions as his breath quickened. His head lolled back and forth as his brows pinched together. His teeth bit into his bottom lip as he turned and whimpered quietly against my shoulder. I leaned down, grazing my nose against his ear, speaking in a silky soft voice.

“You’ve been so good today…taking care of me in every way. I think it’s only fair that I take care of you too. Don’t you?”

He whimpered, his mouth falling open, allowing his hot pants to blow against the curve of my neck as my hand pumped a little faster. My fingers twisted in his hair, pulling it slightly causing his head to fall back away from me so that I could see his face again. His brows pinched together tighter as his arm tensed around me, his fingers now gripping my shoulder firmly. He was panting out soft whimpers with every exhale, eventually turning into a deep groan as I swiped my thumb over the head for the last time - causing him to cum. He trembled under me, eventually going limp against the tub, sucking in deep breaths through his pouty lips as his brows arched. 

A curl fell down over his forehead as his head leaned toward me. He looked relaxed now and completely blissed out as he sat there with his eyes closed. A lazy grin slid across his lips as his dark eyes finally blinked open to meet my gaze. Without warning he pulled me down, causing me to squeal as he crashed his lips against mine. His hands ghosted up and down my back side while we continued to make out like a couple of teenagers, pulling apart only to stare into each other's eyes. 

He reached up to brush a stray hair away from my face as he took me in, “You know…I wouldn’t be upset if every night for the rest of my life ended like this…with us together…you make me happier than I ever thought possible.” 

His words took me off guard, causing a mix of emotions - excitement because it meant he was thinking long term about our future, but also panic. It was another reminder of how hard and how fast I was falling for him because I now realized I wanted that, more than anything. I was also setting myself up to get hurt badly if this went wrong. I was already in so much deeper with him than I ever was with Alec. I need to get over this. Dieter isn’t Alec. He won’t do what Alec did. 

My eyes searched his, I could tell he meant what he was saying. I felt like he wanted to say more but was holding back. I suddenly felt emotional, the only response I could muster was a small smile before pulling him in for a gentle kiss. I turned, settling back against his chest as his hands rubbed my shoulders. 

He kissed the top of my head, seeming to sense my anxiety, then leaned his cheek against it as he spoke, “I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that…I wanna take things at a pace you're OK with. I don’t want you to feel rushed. I mean it when I say you’re important to me and…I don’t wanna fuck this up.”

I grabbed his hand and nuzzled it against the side of my face, “Don’t apologize. I want you to be open with me about your feelings. I do appreciate the grace…just be patient with me. I’m there with you, but I’m feeling a lot of things…I’m still working through a lot of things, most of which have nothing to do with you…just know that.” 

He hugged me against him, brushing the hair back off my face as he told me to relax for a little while. We sat in silence for a time, until Zee came strutting into the bathroom meowing because we weren’t in bed yet. We took that as our cue to start our bedtime routine so as not to upset the queen of the Bravo residence. 

Dieter climbed into bed first that night, raising the blanket for me to crawl in beside him. I was suddenly feeling vulnerable as I snuggled in against his chest. He pulled me snugly against himself as I tangled my leg with his. His scent and warmth surrounded me, calming me and bringing me back to my senses. “Dieter?”

He murmured out a sleepy ‘hm?’ against the top of my hair. 

“I wouldn’t mind having this every night, too.”

I felt him smile as he nuzzled his face further into my hair and hugged me just a little tighter. 

Dieter’s POV This week had been such an emotional roller coaster for me already. Kat and I finally caved after a week of no sex, first in the dressing room at the studio, then again after we got back to my place that same evening. It wasn’t just sex though. Like in New York, it was different - intense. She had me feeling things that I had never felt before, causing my emotions to jump all over the place. It felt like it was never enough and too much all at the same time. I wondered if this was what it felt like to make love to someone. I had always heard people say that, but never really understood it. To me, there was only sex or fucking. Those two things didn’t feel like appropriate descriptors for what Kat and I did though. 

There was no question about my feelings for her. I knew I was in love, but did the intensity between us mean she felt the same about me? I couldn’t help hoping that was the case. Why else would it feel like this with her if she wasn’t reciprocating those feelings? It was something I wanted to bring up with her, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to freak her out and ruin what we were building. Deep down I knew she was more fragile than she let on. I knew this thing with Alec had affected her no matter how hard she tried to hide it. I wanted to make sure I gave her all the time she needed to heal. 

The shit storm brewing around us certainly didn’t help any. I knew there would eventually be some repercussions from the Alec confrontation. The rumors had already begun to swirl and TMZ had gotten a whiff of it. They were sniffing around for any details they could get so they could post about it. 

Then that suggestive text message came through when Kat had my phone. I damn near had a panic attack, worried she would think I was talking to other people behind her back. I knew I should have gotten my number changed as soon as all those random messages started to come in after SNL. It would have saved us both some grief. Thankfully, it appeared as if she believed my explanation. At least I hoped she did, because it was the truth. However, I knew it had to be worrisome to her after the whole Alec thing. I felt like a complete asshole over the incident. I never wanted to do anything to make her worry about those sort of things because I would never do that to her. 

I went from that major fuck up right into my therapy session with Dr. Smith where she made me talk about my parents and how that related to my freak out on Alec. It was something that I did need to talk through. I couldn’t put it off forever because it had been bothering me. Dr. Smith helped me realize that the visceral reaction was more about protecting someone I care deeply for than anything - that I’m not that violent person. My biggest fear is that I would turn into my father or that I was already like him in some way. Deep down I knew I wasn’t, but that worry would always be there because I was so affected by it during my early life. 

When I got back home after that session, I went straight to my sanctuary. I needed to get it out of my system in some way, finally settling for music. When I began to play, I didn’t have any intention to go live on Instagram, but I figured why not? That was what Lenny wanted me to do. I ended up finding it to be strangely cathartic, but I was still feeling down when Kat showed up. Given that Dr. Smith had encouraged me to tell Kat about my past, I felt like it was the last step I needed to take to absolve myself of all the things I was feeling. 

I didn’t even know where to start, but Kat knew exactly what I needed - pulling me into that moment of intimacy and just letting me be while I worked through my emotions. I needed all of her and she willingly let me have as much as I could handle. It felt like something shifted between us yet again, but I didn’t know what. All I knew is that I felt closer to her afterward and completely safe to open up to tell her about my past.  

Our relationship really was progressing quicker than I thought it would. After Kat met Cora, she had essentially met all the important people in my circle. She was becoming engrained in every part of my life, and I couldn’t have been happier about it. Cora loved Kat and approved once she got to spend a little time with her. Kat had even told her sister about me, which I felt like was a big fucking deal. She seemed almost proud to show me off to Lydia, not hesitating to let me join their call after she spilled the beans. It all felt very natural, and I honestly couldn’t believe it was happening. This thing between us was obviously turning into something serious. It was scary, but I welcomed it with open arms. I was ready to have someone, to have my own functional family.

After allowing my mind to run a marathon of thoughts as I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, my attention turned to Kat. She was sleeping soundly beside me. I hated to disturb her, but I really needed to take a piss and get breakfast started. Since it was a late rehearsal day, I wanted to take advantage of our free time and surprise her with an authentic Greek meal. 

Kat groaned as I pulled away from her to get up, causing me to huff out a quiet laugh as I ran my fingertips down the side of her cheek. “Sorry to wake you sweetheart, go back to sleep for a bit. I’m gonna go make you some breakfast.”

She hummed out in agreement, snuggling deeper into the blankets as I tucked them around her. Zee stood from her spot at the end of the bed, moving toward Kat’s head. I narrowed my eyes at her, pointing an accusing finger as I whispered out, “You behave. Don’t be an annoying little shit.”

Kat snickered into the pillow as she lifted the blanket, allowing Zee to cuddle in against her before cocooning them both in the duvet. Seeing my two girls snuggled up in my bed together was really doing something to me, causing my heart to flutter in my chest and making me feel happy in a way I never had been. I really couldn’t ask for anything better than that. 

I threw on a pair of gym shorts and grabbed my fluffy green robe, then headed downstairs to start cooking. I had asked Cora to pick up some ingredients for a traditional Greek breakfast that I wanted to try my hand at making. It seemed simple enough, so I figured I couldn’t fuck it up too badly. 

I got to work, chopping the tomatoes and onions before letting them sauté in a pan - eventually adding lightly beaten eggs and several spices before topping with crumbled feta. I followed that up with fried pork, then made a small batch of what equated to Greek French toast. Kat came shuffling in just as I added the finishing touches of honey and cinnamon to the fried bread. I could hear her sniffing the air as she came up behind me to wrap her arms around my waist. 

“This smells amazing. What did you make?”

After setting the container of cinnamon down, I turned to face her with a smirk, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her against me as I went over the morning menu. 

“Well, we have some fried pork…and forgive me if I butcher the names…but I also made some fetoydia and strapatsada.” 

Her eyes lit up, “No you didn’t?!?!”

I chuckled, “I did. I also had Cora get you some fancy imported Greek coffee and mountain tea too. I’m curious to try those. Which would you like with your breakfast?”

Her mouth hung open for a beat, clearly surprised by my efforts. “I can’t believe you did that for me…I don’t even know what to say.” 

I shrugged, “It’s not a big deal. You know I love to try new things…and you’ve given me a reason to. Now, coffee or tea?”

She sighed in contentment, “Coffee, please.”

I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before pulling away to get it started, “Coming right up! Food’s done, so dig in.”

She had a ghost of a smile on her lips as she made her plate which had me feeling all warm and fuzzy.  I would never tire of spoiling her every chance I got. 

Kat seemed to enjoy the meal, moaning in appreciation with every bite. She and I ate way too much to the point we both felt miserable after. Thankfully we had several hours before we had to be in the dance studio, so we could relax and be a little lazy for a while. We spent some time snuggled on the couch - her tucked into my side as Zee stretched out in the crevice between Kat and the back of the sofa. Kat watched as I aimlessly scrolled through the threads of one of my online plant groups, taking the time to respond to questions and complain to her about how so many people gave terrible advice. 

I chuckled as I explained to Kat how I was the dickhead that always incited arguments about plant care and then won them and how I had amassed quite the little following that always directly asked me for advice. I often wondered what they would do if they knew who they were actually talking to. 

After several minutes, Kat piped up to ask, “What do they mean when they say SuccDee? Is that a dirty plant joke? I don’t understand the context.” 

My body shook with laughter as I tried to hold it in. I finally got it together enough to answer her. “My username is ‘Succulent_Daddy_Dee’. They have taken to calling me ‘SuccDee’ for short.”

I could see the moment of realization on her face as her eyes widened. Then she burst into laughter as she buried her face in my chest. She had tears in her eyes as she asked, “And I’m sure you did nothing to encourage that. You’re so bad…” 

I snorted out laughter, “Hey, I wasn’t the one to come up with it. However, I will admit I did nothing to discourage it. Honestly, I spent a good five minutes laughing the first time someone said it. It just stuck and it’s kind of fucking perfect.”

She wiped her eyes, “I’m not sure which version of that name is more entertaining. The multiple meanings of the word succulent take it to a whole other level.” 

I feigned innocence, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. A succulent is a type of plant. I am the father to many succulent plants. Get your mind outta the gutter.”

She broke into another fit of giggles, “You’re so full of shit.” 

I snickered, “Yeah, guilty…but hey, at least I keep it entertaining.”

With the arm she had thrown across my torso, she gave me a little squeeze. “That you do. I can’t complain.”

I continued to scroll, pausing on a post that caught my attention and reading it out loud to Kat.

Here’s a little fun fact for all of my plant enthusiasts. Plants can talk! They emit ultrasonic vibrations of 20–100 kHz. To make this more interesting, cats can hear up to 64 kHz and dogs up to 45 kHz. Does this mean my pets can hear the plants?

I looked down at her, “Fuuck, am I unknowingly driving Zee insane with all my plants? It must be super loud in here to her...”

This fact was sort of blowing my mind as I peeked over at Zee, the mention of her name rousing her from a deep sleep. “Damn Zee, I wish you could talk. I wanna know what they say…Maybe I should talk to them more?”

My attention diverted back to Kat, finding her smiling up at me. “Well, now I know why she sometimes randomly stares at them in that freaky way she does. I wonder if there’s a way we can hear them? Imma have to research this…” 

Kat’s smile widened, and to Zee’s dismay, she shifted so that she could raise up to kiss me and mumble, “You’re so fucking adorable” against my lips. My thoughts for the talking plants were soon forgotten as I discarded my iPad on the floor next to the couch and proceeded to have a heated make out session with my lady. 

We were interrupted minutes later by her phone ringing on the table next to us. Kat seemed intent on ignoring it, continuing to kiss down my jaw and neck as I turned to grab her cell with a chuckle. 

“It’s Marc. You need to take it?”

Her head popped up with a perplexed look on her face, “Yeah…maybe. He rarely calls me.” 

She answered, going through the usual small talk and pleasantries before going quiet to listen to what I assumed was his reason for calling. Her brows pinched together slightly before she gave me a puzzled smile. 

“Marc wants to know if we’re available for dinner with him, his wife, and Stefanie and her partner on Sunday?”

I was surprised by the request, but they had seemed to be more friendly toward us since the Alec incident. I figured it might do us some good to be sociable, so I shrugged. “Why not? Could be fun.”

Kat gave me a brilliant smile before telling Marc we would be there, then listened for a bit longer before asking, “Bring our guitars?”

Her eyes shifted to mine nervously. I reached up to run my fingers through her hair, causing her to relax into my touch. “Yeah…I’ll tell him to. Yep, see you then.” 

After she hung up, her eyes met mine, “It seems they wanna have a jam session after dinner. They all play apparently…”

She didn’t seem excited about that idea. “We don’t have to stay for that if you don’t want to.” 

Her nose scrunched up as she asked, “How do you feel about doing that?”

I shrugged, “I mean, it could be fun. I haven’t done anything like that in forever…but if you don’t want to…” 

Kat sighed, “No…you know what? I’m gonna do it. I need to play again. It’ll be good for me. Besides, you’ll be there with me, so I’ll be fine.” 

Her words caused a warmth to spread through me. I loved that she felt that way, that I could ease her anxieties. She was putting so much trust in me, more than anyone ever had. If only she understood how much that meant. I knew it couldn’t be easy after what she had gone through, which made it mean so much more. I gave her a soft smile before pulling her in for a tender kiss. 

Zee chose that moment to paw a glass that was still about one fourth of the way full of water off the coffee table, which broke our spell and the glass. 

“Zee, what the fuck?” I huffed out in frustration while Kat snorted out a laugh beside me. Zee gave me a defiant look as her tail whipped back and forth. I sighed as we moved to get up. Kat grabbed Zee to keep her safe while I moved to clean up the mess. Zee now seemed happy as a clam as she purred and snuggled against Kat. 

I gave Zee the side eye as I swept up the mess, “There are other less destructive ways to get our attention, young lady. That was not cool.” 

Zee seemed like she could care less as Kat scratched behind her ears and snickered at her complete disregard for my scolding. Once I got everything cleaned up, I decided to do some much needed plant care as Kat gave Zee the attention she was demanding. Zee’s need for affection didn’t last long. Once she had her fill, she simply jumped from Kats arms and made her way over to the top of her cat tree to groom herself. Kat scoffed at her dismissal as she stood, coming to stand next to me as I dusted, pruned, and misted leaves. Her arms snaked around my waist as she rested her chin on my shoulder and watched me work in silence for a few minutes. I could feel her lips brush against my skin as she asked, “Can you teach me how to do this?” 

I don’t know why, but her request had my heart racing. It made me feel giddy that she wanted to learn about my hobby. I glanced down at her with a smirk, “You mean you don’t already do this for your plants?” 

She snorted, “My plants are lucky to get water. They come to my house to survive, not live.” 

I shook my head and scoffed out a laugh, “That’s just depressing. Don’t tell me that. Imma have to start checking in on them.” 

She smiled against my neck, “I would be ok with that.” 

I pulled her around to stand in front of me, now leaning over her shoulder with my arms around her. My hands shifted through the leaves of the plant I was currently working on as I explained when to prune and the process for dusting and misting. She was full of questions as she took over to do it herself. I hugged her backside against me as I supervised, placing the occasional gentle kiss against her jaw and the curve of her neck. Once she got the hang of it, we both worked through all the plants in the room as we chatted and got to know each other better. I honestly couldn’t think of a better way to spend my free time, and I found it to be a wonderful and relaxing way to bond with her. 

Before we knew it, it was time for us to head off to rehearsal for the rest of the day. It was another grueling day in the dance studio and also filming day. After seven weeks of this, I could tell it was slowly wearing me down. This dance in particular was taking a lot out of me with it being very high energy. After six hours of it, my tank was running empty and I was beginning to make ridiculous mistakes with my footwork and frame. Kat seemed to be struggling as well. We were both slowing down and couldn’t seem to keep up with the music. At least it made for some interesting footage for the show. We eventually sat on the floor and settled for talking through some parts of it, deciding what still needed to be tweaked or changed and coming up with a game plan for the next two days. That part would probably be less exciting to watch, but we sort of didn’t care.

Once our studio time was up, we headed home. After a quick dinner, we showered together - too tired to do anything aside from getting clean. It wasn’t long before we crashed, falling asleep almost as soon as our heads hit the pillow. When I awoke the next morning to find Zee snuggled up next to me, I couldn’t recall having felt her get in the bed. Neither did Kat. We had obviously been out of it. 

We spent our Saturday morning outdoors with the intent to take it easy until our evening rehearsal time. We started with painting some planter pots on the back patio. I had somehow managed to con Kat into the activity over breakfast. She grumbled at first, citing her lack of artistic capabilities, but that grumbling soon abated when I sat down behind her. I made sure to pull her back to my front as snugly as possible before putting my arms around her waist and using my hands to guide hers, showing her different techniques for painting flowers and trees onto the plain terracotta. After she got the hang of it, I took advantage of my position to lavish her exposed neck with attention from my mouth. 

Once I had her properly worked up, I scooted away with a smirk so that I could paint my own pot. She scoffed, calling me a “fucking tease” as I shot a wink in her direction. My smugness soon faded when she began removing layers of clothing to reveal a lavender bikini that looked absolutely amazing against her golden skin. She was the smug one now as she pretended not to notice my eyes on her. 

I huffed out a laugh as I pulled my t-shirt off over my head, “Fine. Two can play that game, honey.”

She scrunched up her nose in annoyance, then flicked a paintbrush in my direction - causing speckles of paint to splatter all over my face and chest. It only escalated from there. Before it was over with, we were rolling around on top of the drop cloth covered in paint, laughing like a couple of idiots in between making out with each other. 

Once we realized our skin was beginning to stick together from the drying paint, we finally got up and made use of the outdoor shower stall to rinse each other off. Afterward, I jumped into the pool while she sat on the side with her legs swishing in the water, laughing at my antics and taking pictures of me with my phone. 

I eventually swam up to her, wrapping my arms around her legs and resting my head on her lap as she scratched at my dripping scalp. We sat like that for a time in silence, enjoying the sun and just being together. I could get used to this. It was almost addicting having her here by my side in this way, but it was also calming the storm that always swirled in my mind. The self-depreciating and negative thoughts were so far removed from my focus that I felt what I could only describe as normal? Unburdened? Content? I couldn’t really find a word to describe it. I was definitely happy, but there was something more with it. I knew it was because of her, keeping my demons locked away in the shadows where they belonged. 

I raised my head, squinting from the sun as I looked up at her with a smile. “Let's go out to the beach. I haven’t gotten to properly take advantage of it yet.” 

Her brows furrowed, “Is that a good idea?” 

I shrugged, “It’s a private beach…”

She scrunched up her face, “I don’t like getting in the ocean though…I’m not confident in my swimming capabilities.” 

I pouted, “You don’t have to go in very far. Besides, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. How about I just don’t let go of you?” 

She sighed, tilting her head to the side as she slowly gave in to the idea. I gave her a cheesy smile, “I’ll even let you bury me in the sand. You can give me a mermaid tail and boobs.”

She snorted out a laugh, “Fine…fine. I will not be cleaning the sand out of your ass though. That’s on you.” 

I backed away from her with a laugh and pulled myself up on the edge of the pool to get out, “Deal…Just remember you didn’t say anything about cleaning under my balls though.” 

She cackled as I held out my hands to pull her up from the ground, “Come on, let’s go pack a bag with the essentials. I may even have a tiny shovel and a bucket you can use.” 

That pulled another tinkling laugh out of her as she stood. 

I was true to my word, letting Kat bury me to do all manner of ridiculous things - including the mermaid tail and boobs. I helped with the boobs, shaping and cupping them to make sure they were the perfect roundness and size, which had us both in a fit of giggles. 

Afterwards, Kat stretched out on a towel under the oversized beach umbrella to read while I went for a dip in the ocean to try and wash the sand out of all the places it shouldn’t be. She laid on her stomach for a time, which had her voluptuous ass on display. I couldn’t help staring at it in those little bikini bottoms she had on. It was definitely begging to be spanked. After several minutes, she flipped over onto her back, propping herself up on her elbows as she not so subtly adjusted her top. She gave me a smirk and a wink while her boobs bounced around from where she tugged at the scraps of fabric. She knew exactly what she was doing, and it was working. I was already half hard from the visual. The dirty thoughts that followed finished the job and got me the rest of the way there. 

I ambled to the shore, noticing Kat’s gaze on me as I made my way toward her. She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she watched me hungrily. My eyes surveyed the area, not seeing anyone near us and realizing the umbrella blocked the view from nearby houses. I intended to take full advantage of that as I sank to my knees at her feet. I crawled up her body, dripping water and peppering kisses along her heated skin as I went. I paused half way and shook my head like a dog, which elicited a loud squeal from her and laughter from the both of us before I captured her lips with mine. Her hips bucked against my raging hardon, causing me to groan into her mouth.

She hummed against my lips, “Feels like somebody enjoyed the view.”

I smiled, dropping my right hand down between her thighs, slipping a finger underneath the fabric of her bikini bottoms to find her soaking wet for me. “I think somebody else did too.”

She sighed softly as I began to rub between her slick folds, “Not gonna lie…you looked pretty fucking hot coming outta the water like that…better than any porno I’ve ever seen.”

I chuckled, leaning down to kiss along her neck as my fingers worked her over. “Sounds like my Kitten needs a little attention. Are you aching for me, honey?”

Her hands tangled in my hair as she nodded and let out a breathy, “Always.”

She began to grind against my hand as my fingers curled inside of her and my thumb made leisurely swirls around her sensitive bud. My lips found her ear as I spoke in a hushed voice, “Always so ready for me…such a needy girl. I want you to come for me, right here…where anyone could see.”

Her thighs began to tense around my hand as her body arched upward against me. I knew she was close. “You’re being such a dirty girl right now, you know that? Letting me play with you out in the open like this…and I think you kinda like it. You like being my dirty girl?”

I pulled back slightly to look at her even though she had a death grip on my hair. She nodded in response to my question, her brows pinching together and mouth falling open as my thumb increased pressure and speed. She was trembling now, so close.

I kissed along her jaw again, mumbling as I worked my way down the curve of her neck, “I’m gonna bend you over the kitchen counter and fuck you senseless as soon as we walk through the door.”

That sent her over the edge, causing her to bury her face against my shoulder to muffle the moans she was trying and failing to hold in. She collapsed against the towel, panting as a lazy smile spread across her face. Her hand slid down from my hair, cupping my cheek as she peered up at me, “The things you do to me…”

I chuckled, “Don’t worry, I’m not done yet…”

She narrowed her eyes at me as I stood and pulled her up from the ground with a smirk. Once she was standing, I didn’t hesitate to lean forward and throw her over my shoulder, giving her ass a good smack before I turned to walk back toward the ocean. She squealed and squirmed, but it didn’t do any good. I had a firm grip as I walked into the water up to my waist before dropping her in. She stood, cursing me as she sputtered out water and wiped at her face. I reached toward her with a smile, snaking my hand around her waist and pulling her into my embrace. She welcomed it, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me gently. 

I pulled her out a little further into the water, so that we could bob with the waves. I felt her grip tighten slightly, but she didn’t stop me. She was trusting that I wouldn’t let her go. She gave me a mischievous smile as she wrapped her legs around me, now rubbing her center against my dick and further stoking the flame that was burning inside of me.

I groaned, “Now who’s being a fucking tease?” 

Her lips moved along my neck, “Want me to take care of that little problem for you?” 

I huffed out a laugh, “No. I actually meant what I said earlier…I’m bending you over the counter and fucking you when we get back to the house.” 

She raised her head to look at me, her lips fighting a smile. I leaned in, brushing my nose against hers as I reached down to grab the globes of her ass, pulling her center tighter against me, “I’m also gonna spank you and make you come again. Maybe twice if you’re good for me.” 

I could feel her thighs clenching against me as her mouth clashed against mine. Our hands explored each other as the kiss deepened, her right one making its way down between us to rub at the bulge in my shorts. 

“Can we go back to the house now? Please? I need you…” she begged. 

My forehead pressed against hers as I whined, “As if I could deny you anything…”

My hand moved to cup her cheek as I leaned back to take her in. She was so fucking beautiful. The sun was glistening off her tanned skin and emphasizing the gold flecks in her amber eyes in a way I had never seen. I felt dumbstruck by it as my heart began to flutter in my chest. She was literally taking my breath away. 

One side of her lips twitched upward, “You OK?” 

I nodded as my thumb stroked her face, “Yeah…I’m just…I wanna remember everything about this moment. I umm…” I love you. 

I was so fucking close to saying it as she smiled up at me, but I was too afraid it would scare her away. It had only been two weeks. It was too soon. 

“I’ve just never umm…” 

My words trailed off as I shook my head to clear it. I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling but I needed to say something. 

“I’ve never experienced something like this with anyone before…felt how I feel in this moment. I can’t exactly put it into words…” 

Her hand dropped to my chest, no doubt feeling my heart pounding against it as her face softened. She leaned in to kiss me sweetly. The moment was ruined a few seconds later by a large wave that nearly knocked us over. She was back to sputtering out water and laughing as I pulled her toward the shore. 

We wasted no time packing up and heading toward the house. I pulled her into the outdoor shower stall, our hands and mouths now exploring each other as we washed away the sand and salt and peeled our suits off. Once we were sufficiently clean, I wrapped her in a towel which she secured around her torso as I grabbed one to put around my waist. 

She was barely through the sliding doors of the house before she dropped the towel and placed her palms on the island, arching her back toward me as she smiled seductively over her shoulder. I moved to stand behind her, gently running my fingertips up the center of her spine as her head dipped forward between her shoulders from the sensation. I felt her shiver as I made several passes up and down. On the last one, my fingertips continued upward, grazing the back of her neck before sinking my fingers into her hair, grabbing hold at the roots before tugging gently. She stood up straighter, melting into me as my left hand ran down the side of her body. I tugged her hair a little harder, angling her head to the side so I could access her neck to place gentle kisses along the length of it. Then, without warning, I smacked her ass. She moaned quietly. Another smack gave me the same result. Her breaths were coming faster now as the anticipation got to her.

My lips moved against her ear, “Tell me what you want, Kitten.” 

Her eyes slid shut as she exhaled, “I want you to have your way with me…any way you want.” 

I groaned against the side of her neck, “You’re gonna make me come saying shit like that.” 

She chuckled, pressing her ass against me just a little more, which resulted in another smack. She smiled this time. 

I tutted at her, “I think you like that…lean forward.” 

She did so as I dropped down to my knees, giving the other cheek a couple of smacks for good measure before landing one right to her center, causing her to flutter around nothing. My hands found her thighs, massaging deeply as they moved upward to her hips. She was dripping wet and practically begging for more when I leaned forward and licked up her folds, causing her to cry out as she gripped the edge of the island until her knuckles turned white. 

I dove into her cunt like a man starved, absolutely devouring her as my hands gripped her hips tightly to keep her from squirming. I had her falling apart within minutes as I sucked and licked at her bundle of nerves, giving the occasional slap to her ass as I worked. When she finally came, I didn’t stop or slow the pace, causing her to come for a second time in quick succession. 

Her legs nearly gave out on the second one. So, I held her around the middle with one arm as I stood. After dropping the towel from my waist, I used my free hand to drag myself through her slick. She moaned quietly each time the head nudged against her over sensitive clit. After notching at her entrance, I sank in slowly. Taking my time so she could feel every inch slide in and out at the perfect angle. 

I pulled her against my chest, one hand sliding around to grip under her chin, angling her face toward mine so I could see her. Her face was sweaty, flushed, and completely blissed out when she met my gaze. It had me feeling the same way I had when we were in the ocean. It felt like home. It felt like peace. I felt complete. 

My forehead fell against hers, “You’re so fucking beautiful…perfect for me…never letting you go.”

I was babbling like a fool and completely losing myself as my other arm held her around the waist. She laced her fingers through mine, gripping my hand tightly as I clung to her. I know I said I would fuck her, but this was so much more than that. I kept the pace slow and languid, our breathing completely synced as we drowned in each other’s gaze. 

I could feel Kat’s abdomen tighten as she quickly came again out of nowhere, squeezing me to the point that I could hardly move. Her jaw went slack, one of her hands flying up to twist into my hair as she let out a loud cry. I was seconds behind her, the feeling and intensity of her orgasm pulling me over the edge with her. My hand released her chin to reach for the counter as I attempted to steady myself, but it was no use.

My legs gave out, causing me to sink down to my knees - pulling Kat with me. I was somehow still pulsing and leaking inside of her as she melted against me.

I panted out a breathy, “Fuck…sorry. I-I…couldn’t stand…anymore. That was…intense.”

She sat on my thighs, both of us slumped against the side of the island as we tried to catch our breath. My arm around her tightened as I leaned in to kiss the side of her cheek. She turned, her lips seeking mine for a heated kiss that had me seeing stars.

When she finally pulled away, my attention was drawn to movement at my left. Kat’s eyes followed my line of sight and found Zee, who was sitting on the floor with her head tilted, her tail twitching from side to side as she looked up at us with concern? Confusion? Curiosity? I wasn’t really sure. Kat and I both burst into laughter, her leaning back into my chest as I hugged her snugly and laughed into her shoulder.

“Is this what it feels like when moms and dads get caught doing the dirty by the kids? Because I feel like that’s what just happened,” I said between chuckles.

Kat snorted out another laugh, “I dunno, but I think she’s kind of into it. She was totally watching.”

I gasped for air, “If that’s the case, she gets that shit from you. You’re the one who likes to watch.”

Kat leaned her head back against me, still laughing as I reached for a towel. I motioned for her to open her legs a bit to put it in place before I pulled out of her with a groan. Between the two of us, we had made an absolute mess of each other. We both shifted, stretching out on the tile because our legs still felt weak. 

I sighed, glancing at the clock on the microwave, “I think we’re gonna be late for rehearsal.” 

She waved a dismissive hand, “I don’t care…whatever that was…was totally worth it.”

We were late for rehearsal. Forty-five minutes late to be specific, but I really didn’t mind. There was more between us after that, somehow feeling more connected than we already were. Maybe it was just because of the intensity of everything. I couldn’t be sure. Whatever it was definitely carried over to our dancing. We were so on top of it, barely making the tiniest of mistakes. I felt newly energized and ready to win that fucking Mirrorball trophy as we went through the routine one last time. 

Since we had a long day planned for Sunday and felt pretty on top of the choreography, we headed home early. There was no way to improve perfection after all. 

Kat and I had just gotten home, and I was making some quick sandwiches for dinner when my cell rang. Lenny’s name flashed on the screen. I looked at the time, it was near 9:30 PM, which was sort of late for him. He tended to go to bed early since he got up before the sun rose most days. Worried something was up, I sucked some mayo off my fingers as I hurried to answer it. 

“Hey Len…”

“What the hell have you been doing?” he barked out before I could even finish my greeting. 

I winced, “What do you mean? I haven’t been doing anything.”

Kat’s wide eyes met mine in concern. I shrugged. 

He sighed, “Who were you with today?”

I was so fucking confused, “I was at dance rehearsal with Kat. That’s the only place I’ve gone. Why?”

I could hear him shuffling papers around on his end of the line, “TMZ just called. They have pictures of you at the beach kissing a woman.”

I grimaced as my eyes shifted back to Kat. Fuck. 

“How the hell did they get those? I was literally in my backyard on a private beach. There was no one else out there today.” 

Lenny huffed, “Then you obviously have an asshole neighbor who wanted a quick buck.”

I sighed, “Fuck.” I switched the phone to speaker so Kat could hear, then I asked “Can you tell who it is in the pictures?”

“They’re asking if it’s Kat. Is it?” 

Kat shrugged, waving her hand to go ahead and tell him the truth. “Can you tell who’s in the pictures?” I asked again. 

He was quiet for a minute, obviously looking at them, “I mean…I can’t. Most of them are blurry. It’s pretty far away. I can definitely tell it’s you, but most of the pictures of the woman are from the back...Is it her?”

I scrunched my eyes shut as I rubbed at the bridge of my nose, “Tell them it’s not her…but yes, it’s her.”

He scoffed, “Fucking hell, Dieter. I thought we were done with this shit? What do you think you’re doing? Are you using again?” 

My fists clenched together. I took a deep breath to calm myself as Kat came to stand next to me, placing a comforting hand on top of mine. 

“No…I’m not fucking using again. It’s not like that Lenny, OK? This is different. We’re like…together. It’s not…not a fuck buddy situation or anything. I care about her.” I puffed air out of my cheeks in frustration, now pacing around the kitchen nervously as Kat watched me in silence. 

“Look, we don’t want anyone to know yet. The producers can’t find out and the less that’s confirmed for Alec, the better. I need you and the team to keep this under wraps.” 

Lenny was unusually quiet now. I didn’t know how to take that. “Len, you still with me?” 

He cleared his throat, “Yeah, I’m just…processing. Does your therapist know about this? Is it really a good idea? I thought you weren’t getting involved with your co-stars anymore?” 

I rolled my eyes, “Look, I’m tryin’ not to be pissed about this because I know where you’re coming from. It’s my fault, I earned that…but trust me when I say this is different. And yes, my therapist knows. She’s been supportive of it. She likes Kat.” 

He sighed, “Ok, so how the hell are we supposed to handle this?”

I was still pacing as I talked through it, “Well…nothing we can do about the pictures. Maybe…”

I paused to think through my words before I continued, giving Kat a wide-eyed look as the idea sparked. “Maybe we take advantage of this. We say it’s not Kat…lie…say I’m seeing someone else but wish to protect her privacy. Use it as a misdirection…It might help settle the rumors about us and get the producers, Alec, and the paparazzi off her back some.” 

Lenny chuckled, “You really think your publicist is gonna go for that?” 

I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me, “I kind of don’t care. I’m going with it. I’ll head it off and do a cryptic Instagram post. Besides, it might be fun to fuck with Stacia and Joe some. I wanna see their heads explode when they realize their fairytale showmance isn’t happening after all.”

Kat snorted out a laugh over that one. She obviously thought it was funny, but I did want her input before I did anything. 

“Kat, are you good with that? I don’t wanna do anything without your consent.”

She nodded, “It is a funny thought to be honest. I’m cool with it. They’ve been fucking with us this whole time. It’s time to beat them at their own game.” 

I turned back to my phone, “You hear that, Len? This is probably gonna cause a little mayhem, but we’re here for it.” 

He grumbled, “Your publicist is gonna murder both of us.”

I chuckled, “Not my problem…better start making some calls because I’m posting something as soon as we hang up.” 

“Ugh, fine. Ok. This is all on you though.” 

I smiled, “Thanks Len, you’re the best. We’ll talk soon.” 

He grumbled some more then hung up without even saying goodbye. 

I turned to Kat and smiled nervously, “Well, looks like we have a project to do tonight. We need to look through my camera roll…just…don’t judge me for what you find.” 

Her brows furrowed, “Do I even wanna know what that means?”

I shrugged, “I mean…it’s just full of pictures of Zee and plants…and you.” 

Her brows arched, “Oh, really?”

I grimaced as my face heated, “Yeah, I may have saved a few I found online…and I sneak pictures of you frequently.”

She shook her head and laughed, “I can’t wait to see this…”  

As we sat eating our sandwiches, I handed my phone over. Kat scrolled in silence, an occasional smirk on her face before glancing up at me and shaking her head. After several minutes, her phone pinged a few times before she finally slid mine back over to me with a smile. 

“What did you just do?” I asked. 

Her smile widened, “I sent myself some pictures of you and Zee.” 

I leaned toward her, narrowing my eyes slightly. “Maybe I need to check your camera roll…” 

Her eyes widened, “Umm…mine is far more scandalous. I’ve saved some pictures of my own. You’ve done a lot of salacious photoshoots, you know that?” 

I chuckled, “Ahh, filling up the spank bank then. I’m flattered.” I gave her a cocky grin and waggled my eyebrows, “If you want some nudes all you have to do is ask. I might even let you take them yourself.” 

She shot a mischievous look over her glass as she took a sip, “Don’t give me any ideas…” 

I grabbed my phone, snickering as I unlocked it. “So, I think the backlit picture of you and Zee, you painting, lying in bed from behind, and then the one you took of me in the pool kissing your leg will do. I don’t feel like it's obvious that’s you in those pictures. I’ll just do a whole photo dump and keep it vague. Let them speculate away.”

She huffed out a laugh, “You’re about to cause all kinds of chaos with this.” 

I nodded, “Probably. I’ve never posted cutesy pictures of a woman before. It’s definitely making a statement…” 

(More after the graphic.)

The post did indeed cause chaos. Likes and comments began to flood in - most of them asking if it was Kat in the pictures. I responded to exactly one person with, “Did I tag Kat? No.” 

That set off a whole new onslaught of chatter and speculation. Kat egged it on by liking the original post and my comment. I could only imagine how my publicist was handling this. I was sure her head was probably about to explode. 

When I woke up on Sunday morning, Kat was lying against my chest with her leg thrown across mine. She was still asleep, so I reached over to the nightstand to grab my phone without waking her. I was almost afraid to see what awaited me when I opened Instagram. I found more of the same stuff from the previous night. It was officially my most liked and most commented post ever. 

I took a moment, taking in the sight before me. Ehh, we can do better than that. 

As if I wasn’t already causing enough trouble, I took a short video clip of my hand rubbing along Kat’s bare leg. It was obvious we were tangled up in bed, wrapped in nothing but sheets with a nice view of the ocean outside the French doors. I posted it. There was no caption, only emojis, “👉👌🤯🤯🤯😏” 

I threw in a few hashtags too, #PerfectMorning #MindBlown #WouldntChangeAThing

(More after the graphic.)

I was patiently awaiting a call from my publicist after that. She really might murder me over this one. 

I sat with a smug smile as I watched the comments roll in. One in particular caught my attention.

Beasty45: I really hope you’re not screwing Kat over too. She deserves better.

I had to appreciate the sentiment behind it and really hated people thinking that way. So, I hit reply.

BangingBravo1: Wow. Never. She’s my bestie. All is well. 👍👍

It wasn’t a lie. She was my best friend as far as I was concerned. 

I felt Kat stir against me. She groaned, hiding her face against my chest, “What time is it?”

I looked at the time, “You’ve got ten minutes before the alarm goes off.” 

She let out another groan as her eyes blinked open, “What are you doing?”

I snickered and handed her my phone, “Causing more chaos.” 

She squinted at the screen, then rolled her eyes as she handed it back to me with a laugh. “Now everyone knows you had a night of mind-blowing sex. Wonderful.”

“I know. I’m in trouble.” 

As if on cue, a text message popped up from my publicist.

Janine: What the fuck are you doing?!?! Stop it. Now.

I cackled, tilting the phone toward Kat so she could see it, “That’s tame for her. I usually get a call with lots of yelling. Trust me. She’s dealt with worse.”

Kat shook her head, sighing heavily, “Today is gonna be interesting…”

We crawled out of bed soon after that to get ready for the day. We had a morning rehearsal slot, so that was first on our agenda. We had the routine down by this point, so we just focused on cleaning things up and tried not to wear ourselves out too much.

After rehearsal, we had our weekly spray tan. As we were walking into Television City Studios, I realized that I had a missed text from Janine from earlier in the day saying that TMZ had posted the article and pictures, so that was now out there for the world to see.  They had to add an addendum once they realized I had made the social media posts, completely spoiling their 'breaking story'.

(More after the graphic.)

Kat and I were thankful the staff got us in and out quickly for the spray tan because we were definitely getting some looks and whispers. I imagine the confusion was spreading because we were fairly certain the majority of the cast thought we were together. We couldn’t help laughing about it as we left, wondering if Joe and Stacia had heard the news yet. 

Kat ran to her house to check on things and pick up her guitar while I went home to feed Zee her dinner. Zee was in full menace mode as she tried to smack things off the counter while I prepared her food. It seemed to be her new favorite pastime, apparently enjoying getting me in a tizzy. She knew what she was doing, freezing mid shove when I would lock eyes with her. I concluded that she must think it’s some sort of game. A game that was fun for her and a nightmare for me. I ended up shooing her out of the kitchen so I could work in peace.

As I was finishing up with Zee’s gourmet meal, Kat came into the kitchen. Her brows furrowed as she pointed her finger to something behind me and busted out her best mom voice, “Zee, don’t you dare.” 

I turned to see what the hell she was up to now, my eyes landing on her as she shoved a small potted succulent off the window sill. Luckily the pot did not break, but dirt spilled everywhere. 

I sighed, “Why is this a thing all of a sudden?” 

Zee meowed as she jumped down to rub against Kat’s legs and shot me some nasty side eye. Kat snickered as she shooed Zee away so she could clean up the mess. 

“Maybe you’re not preparing her food fast enough. Best get to it, cat daddy.” 

I huffed, “She messes with me, and I’ll go get some of that cheap nasty pellet garbage and she can have that. Little punk…”

Kat laughed at me as I continued to grumble about Zee’s impatience while Zee rubbed up against my legs and yelled at me until I finally set her plate down on the food mat. Zee rushed to her plate and ate with enthusiasm. I rolled my eyes at her as I turned to Kat, “All right, now that the diva is taken care of…you ready to go?” 

Kat nodded, “Yep. Let’s get this sideshow on the road.” 

My hand found its way to her hip and squeezed gently as I leaned in to give her a quick peck on the lips, “I should probably be offended by that, but it might actually be an accurate description…of me anyway.” 

She playfully pushed my shoulder and laughed, “At least you’re aware. Let’s go.” 

On the drive to Marc’s house, I could feel a twinge of anxiety forming in the pit of my stomach since I didn’t really know what to expect. From what I knew about Marc, he was a family man and seemed pretty drama free as far as his public persona was concerned. That helped some, but that didn’t mean there wouldn’t be alcohol or other things floating around. I knew it was something I would have to face eventually, but I wasn’t sure how ready for it I actually was. However, one glance in Kat’s direction suppressed those feelings. I knew she had my back, and I knew I would never do anything to let her down. 

A short time later we pulled into Marc’s driveway and made our way to the front door. He greeted us, making small talk as he led us out to the back patio where he introduced us to his wife Valarie, and Stefanie’s partner, Kira. He was cooking hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill while everyone else sat around and chatted. So, as these things go, I joined him at the grill while Kat joined the ladies. We went into more small talk about the show, rehearsals, how I was feeling about ballroom dancing in general. It was all pretty surface level. Then, he asked me if I wanted a drink as he moved toward a cooler. I was taken off guard and sort of froze up.  

He seemed to sense my hesitation as he opened the lid, giving me a gentle smile, “I’ve got water, a couple different kinds of soda, and if you’re feeling really adventurous…some juice boxes.” 

I visibly relaxed as a smile tugged at my lips, “Water…please.” 

His smile widened as he pulled a bottle out of the ice and handed it to me. He grabbed a juice box for himself, unwrapping the straw and stabbing it into the top with pursed lips. “Sorry, I probably should have worded that differently. I know you're sober.” 

I shook my head and waved it off, “No big deal. Don’t even worry about it.” 

His brows furrowed, eyes shifting up to meet mine as he took a quick pull from the straw before setting the drink down beside the grill. “No, I get it. I’m eight years sober myself. I remember how hard and awkward it was in those early days. People can be weird when you say you don’t drink…or do anything else for that matter.” 

I nodded, “Yeah, I’ve been lucky enough to not run into that yet. I’ve been keeping to myself a lot…” 

He picked up the tongs to flip the patties on the grill, “So how long has it been for you?”

I screwed the cap off the water and took a swig, “Ten months. Longest I’ve ever been sober since all that shit started.”

He smiled, “That’s good. When you hit a year, we’ll have to do something to celebrate. That’s a big deal.”

I nodded, feeling warmth creeping up my cheeks from the praise. “Yeah, I mean…I think I owe Kat for a lot of it. She’s been so supportive when others haven’t…It makes a lot of difference when you have people in your corner.” 

Marc nodded, “That’s so true. I never would have made it without Val. She held me to it, and I’m so thankful for that.” He paused, turning toward me with raised brows. “You know, if you ever need to talk about it or anything…I don’t mind. Sometimes it helps to talk through things with someone that’s been there. Especially if you’re having a moment…” 

He pulled out his phone, “No pressure, but we can exchange digits that way you have it.” 

I reached to pull my phone out of my pocket, “Yeah…sure. That’s really nice of you actually.” 

I gave him my new number, then he sent me a text message so I could save his to my contact list. That was a development I wasn’t expecting, but I was strangely happy about it. I suddenly felt much better about how the evening was going to go. Kat caught my eye, giving me a questioning look. Something must have shifted about my body language, and she could sense it. I smirked, giving her a quick wink before taking another drink of water. 

My attention shifted back to Marc as he handed me a large platter to hold while he piled the different meats on top of it, announcing the food was ready. We settled into easy conversation as we ate, getting to know one another a little better. Everyone seemed at ease. There was no pressure or awkwardness. It was nice to have normal conversation without all the posturing and cockiness that often came with Hollywood type gatherings. It was exactly what I needed. 

As we all became more comfortable with each other, they got a little braver with their questions. Which led to Stefanie giving Kat and I a deadpan stare before asking, “So what’s really going on with you two? I’m not buying whatever shit TMZ put out today.” 

Kat and I gave each other a nervous glance, I shrugged and held my hand up in surrender toward her indicating I was good with whatever she wanted to say. 

She took a deep breath, smiling nervously as her eyes roamed around the table, “Well…we’re…”

She paused, her brows arching as her eyes found mine again. “I mean yeah…we’re together, but we’re trying to keep it under wraps…for several reasons.”

They were all smiling at us now. Stefanie threw her arms in the air like she had just won something, “I fucking knew it! I knew it. How long?” 

Kat and I laughed at her enthusiasm. “Not long. Just since New York,” I answered.

Stefanie playfully shoved Marc, “I fucking told you. You owe me $100.” 

Marc rolled his eyes, “Fine, I’ll Venmo you.” 

Kat and I both scoffed, laughing over the fact they were making bets. 

Marc pulled out his phone and began tapping away, “Don’t worry guys, we won’t say anything. I know Alec is an issue.”

Kat gave him a tight smile, “Yeah, we figured it best not to provoke him as much as possible. He’s looking for any excuse he can find to make what happened be my fault. There’s also Stacia and Joe with their meddling…I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of thinking they had anything to do with this.” 

Valarie’s brows furrowed, “So what’s with the beach pictures and social media posts then?”

I chuckled, “Well, I apparently have an asshole neighbor that took pictures of us in what is essentially my back yard and sold them to TMZ. They reached out to my team asking if it was Kat, so I told them to deny it. I’m just gonna play it off like I’m seeing someone else…a total misdirection. At minimum, it’ll cause a little chaos and make Stacia and Joe lose their shit. We’ll see how long it lasts.” 

Everyone laughed. Stefanie clapped her hands several times before announcing, “If anyone asks, we’ve all met Dieter’s new woman and she’s amazing. I’m totally backing this chaos.”

Agreements sounded out around the table which had Kat and I leaning into each other and laughing. We relaxed some after that. Now that our secret was out, I felt more comfortable showing affection toward her and her toward me. It was nice not to have to hold back, to be able to reach out and touch her when I wanted to, to put my arm around her or rest my hand on her thigh. At least we now felt like we had a safe space among friends. 

Marc eventually steered the conversation to Kat’s plans after this season ended, which was something she and I hadn’t really discussed. We had been very much in the present up to this point and I was suddenly feeling like an asshole for not asking about it myself. 

Kat’s excitement was clear as she answered, “Well, I’m really hoping to open up my own dance studio…and I would love to offer some classes for things that are a little harder to find around here. I still need to do more market research to see how that would look, but we can always have the normal stuff to fall back on too. I haven’t got to put as much work into yet as I would like, but once the show is over, I’m gonna jump in head first and see what happens.”

Marc seemed extremely interested in this, leaning forward with excitement in his eyes, “That’s amazing. I was actually considering doing the same. I still haven’t decided if I’m gonna do another season or not…but I did want to look at something like that when I’m finished. Maybe we can team up.” 

Everyone began to throw ideas around at that point. It seemed like there was a real possibility something was brewing. I made a mental note to bring it up with Kat again later. I wanted to make sure I was supportive and help in any way I could. I also liked the thought of helping her plan for the future, because I really hoped that I would be welcomed as part of it. 

After we finished up with dinner, we moved to the garage. Marc had converted the space to his “Jam Room”. It was full of various instruments - a piano in one corner while a drum set sat in the other. Several different types of guitars hung on the wall along with some small handheld percussion instruments. Microphones and small speakers sat around the room. It seemed to be a proper setup for making music, which surprised me. I wasn’t expecting to walk into this. 

Kat looked almost giddy as she took in the space, which surprised me. She seemed to be coming out of her shell, which was understandable. They did well to make us feel welcome and relaxed. 

Marc pulled an electric guitar down from the wall while Kira took her place at the drums, making it obvious they had done this before. Marc began to strum a slow sexy tune as Kira joined in with a beat. Stefanie started dancing around the room to the music as Valarie sat down at the piano. My gaze turned to Kat, she looked amused as her eyes met mine. 

I smiled, arching my brows as my head began to sway with the music. She laughed, her cheeks flushing as she watched me move. I took it up a few notches, rolling my torso and hips as I shuffled toward her. I raised my arms, moving them to the beat, biting my bottom lip as I enticed her to join me. I was dancing for her, showing her what else these loose hips can do outside of the ballroom. 

“What’s the matter, honey? Too hot for you?” I asked. 

I could hear everyone else chuckling behind me as I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the center of the room to do a little old fashioned dirty dancing. When the song concluded, I pulled her in for a quick kiss and everyone whooped and whistled, which had her blushing even more. Once everyone settled down, I leaned in next to her ear, “Want me to go get your guitar?” 

She gave me a toothy grin and nodded. After another quick kiss, I made my way outside to the car. I was back with both of our cases within minutes as Marc found a couple more chairs and microphones for us to join the circle. A couple of hours passed by in no time as we took turns choosing songs to play. Those who knew them joined in while the others just vibed. It was honestly the most fun I had in a long time. 

Stefanie asked if she could take some videos to post on social media. We all agreed, figuring it would be good content to promote the show since we were supposed to be doing that anyway. I felt less weird about it since it was a whole group of people from the cast, rather than just Kat and me. I still felt pretty strongly about not taking advantage of our relationship to boost my own career. Deep down I knew that any content of us together would do that, but I did want to have some limits on it. She wasn’t a plaything for me to use as I saw fit. It needed to be on her terms. 

After several minutes passed, Marc suggested that we go live and maybe take some song requests from the chat and answer some fan questions. After some coaxing, we all agreed. As Marc worked to set up the tripod, Stefanie turned to me with a mischievous smile, “Dieter, please try and behave yourself around Kat. I don’t wanna be on TMZ tomorrow for encouraging an affair that will destroy your imaginary girlfriend’s heart.” 

That drew a round of laughter from everyone as I scrunched up my face, “I guess I already have a reputation…I’ll try my best.” 

Once Marc had his phone set up, he mirrored his screen to one of the TV’s hanging on the wall so we could all see the chat, then we went live. Within minutes there were over two thousand viewers. The numbers only climbed from there, with people posting in all caps about Kat and I being there. 

Kat snickered and pointed at the screen, “I guess the Dieterina Stans found us already.”

We waved and said ‘hi’ to everyone. Since it was Marc’s Instagram account, we motioned for him to take over and share what was going on. The song recommendations began to roll in, with Marc and Stefanie taking the lead on the first two. After that, the chat flooded with requests for me and Kat to sing. I deferred to her on that, asking if she wanted to do one. She shrugged, then asked the viewers for some song recs. We laughed over some of the options thrown out as she joked about them not being her style. Suddenly her brows arched as if something caught her attention. A smirk formed on her lips, “Hmm, that one is certainly a mood.”

We all gave her a questioning look. “Which one?” I asked. 

She pulled the lyrics and chords up on her phone and propped it on the stand in front of us. I couldn’t help cackling. It would definitely send a message. 

She turned to everyone else, “You guys know Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation?"

Stefanie bounced up and down, laughing maniacally and clapping her hands. Probably having the same thought that I did. “I do! I’ll do the backup vocals.” 

I swapped out my acoustic for one of Marc’s electric guitars for this one, playing the intro as Kat and Stefanie started in on the ethereal vocables that the song opens with. Kat’s voice took on an almost haunting melancholic tone as she dove into the first verse. The smirk still graced her lips as a knowing look passed between us. This was totally a major ‘fuck you’ to Alec, and I knew I was going to love every second of it. 

🎶Listen to Eyes on Fire Here.

I'll seek you out / Flay you alive / One more word and you won't survive / And I'm not scared / Of your stolen power / I see right through you any hour I won't soothe your pain / I won't ease your strain / You've been waiting in vain / I've got nothing for you to gain

It was hard not to be absolutely mesmerized by her as she worked her way through the lyrics. It was obvious to me that something had finally shifted for her. She had taken back her life and was owning it - putting it out there for the world to see. She had escaped hell and was now controlling the narrative. It was her game to play. I loved seeing her like this, free to be herself and not holding back. It was a beautiful sight. My infatuation with her was probably written all over my face as I strummed the chords to the song, but I didn’t care. She was stunning like this. 

Stefanie continued to sing the background vocals as Kat moved on to the next verse. Her eyes focused on me hungrily, our connection causing the air around us to vibrate. There was just something about us and music. It didn’t matter if we were dancing, playing, or singing. It caused an electricity to buzz around us, linking us together in a metaphysical way.     

I'm taking it slow / Feeding my flame / Shuffling the cards of your game / And just in time / In the right place / Suddenly I will play my ace I won't soothe your pain / I won't ease your strain / You've been waiting in vain / I've got nothing for you to gain

At this point, the song was reaching the crescendo. Kira joined in with the drums and Marc with the bass guitar. I layered my vocals along with Kat’s, the sound even more haunting now as we finished out the final verse. 

Eyes on fire / Your spine is ablaze / Felling any foe with my gaze / And just in time / In the right place / Steadily emerging with grace / Felling any foe with my gaze / Steadily emerging with grace

The chat was going absolutely insane when we finished. I thought I even saw a few “fuck Alec” comments fly by in the chaos of it. 

Stefanie began to clap again, “I think we should start a band. We’re kicking ass here.” 

We all laughed as she turned to me, “Alright Bravo, you’re up. Whatta ya got?” 

I pursed my lips, “I dunno, I’m open to suggestions…” 

We watched the chat flood with comments, there were a few song recommendations but there were even more questions. 

Where’s Bravo’s new lady? Funny how everyone else has their romantic partner there except for Dieter. Dieter is so full of shit. We all know it’s Kat.  Yo Bravo, where’s your beach babe? We wanna meet her! Has Kat met Dieter’s new girl?

I let out a nervous laugh as I glanced at Kat. She winked then gave me a mischievous smile before turning to the camera, “Guys chill. Yes, I’ve met Dieter’s significant other. I know her very well. We’re all friends.”

I chuckled, “Yeah, don’t worry. She’s not being left out…she’s here with me.”

This is the biggest conspiracy since the moon landing.  I’m too high for this shit. What’s even happening? I thought he was gay? This hurts my soul. You two are made for each other! #Dieterina #NotJustFriends Maybe it's a throuple situation. No way they haven’t boned.  Poor Kat, she's like the 7th wheel now. 

I couldn’t help laughing at the comments, “Guys, come on, be nice…back to the song recs please.” 

A song title finally caught my attention. I took a minute to check in with Kira and Marc to see if they were familiar with it before adjusting the mic so that I could stand for this one. I needed to be able to move around a bit. Once I was situated, Marc got us started with the opening guitar riff for The Devil Wears Lace. It was a nice little blues song about desire, temptation, attraction, and obsession. 

Kat, Stefanie, and Val provided entertainment by dancing around us. It was all good fun until Kat’s eyes locked with mine. Her moves became more provocative as she approached me. By the time I hit the chorus she was the only thing I could focus on. 

🎶Listen to The Devil Wears Lace Here.

So light me in flames / Just as hot as you need / Let me see the good girl you wanted to be / All of my praise, only from me  / I can be the one who could set you free / Fall from your grace / Turn up the heat / I feel I'm going down, hands gripping the sheets / Settin' the pace / Number the beast / Got me by the belt, heart skippin' a beat / The devil and me

She moved around me, against me, up and down my body. I played into it of course, wiggling against her as I belted out the lyrics - both of us giving each other mischievous smiles. This was definitely going to get the conspiracy theories going. I couldn’t bother to care because she looked so fucking hot dancing like this. The slow sensual roll of her body was a sight to behold, and it was all mine. I loved to see her let loose and have fun like this. 

When the song ended, she strutted away before bursting into laughter. It was a little infectious, causing me to do the same. The chuckles of everyone else drew my attention to the monitor. The comments had gone completely unhinged by this point.

They definitely fucked, at least once.  Nobody pay attention to that vibrating sound… This is how pornos start. I’m not mad about it.  So, IT IS a throuple then?  I think Dieter’s secret lady likes to watch. I don’t blame her…Kat’s ass is a work of art.  I’m still calling it a conspiracy. Kat is the beach chic. I know that ass and those thighs.  

I huffed out a laugh and shook my head, “Can we not talk about Kat like that please? She’s not a piece of meat.”

Kat snorted out a laugh as she squeezed my arm in thanks. Marc jumped in to try and redirect the conversation, “Alright guys…I think one more and we’re gonna call it a night since we do have a rather long day tomorrow.”

He paused, obviously reading the comments about the show before chuckling, “Oh obviously Stefanie and I are gonna win the trophy.”

I laughed, “Hey now! We’ve gone all night without trash talking. Don’t you start…besides, obviously Kat and I are gonna win. I’m gonna call it though, we’ll be the top two groups. Nobody is beating us.” 

Marc rolled his eyes, “Yeah, don’t try to sweet talk me after insulting me.” 

Stefanie cut in, placing her hands on her hips as she spoke, “Now boys. Let’s play nice or Kat and I will drop you both and claim the win for ourselves.” 

Marc and I both rolled our eyes in response as Val cut in, “Hey, how about we stop bickering and end with that song we did earlier. That was a good one…”

Marc and I both furrowed our brows, waiting for her to continue. She chuckled at our similar expressions before answering, “All on My Mind.”

We nodded as I shouted, “Ok…Kat we’re up.”

Kat and I took our place, sharing a freestanding mic as everyone jumped in with their instruments. I took lead, singing the main verses while Kat joined in on the chorus, alternating the lines. 

🎶 Listen to All on My Mind Here.

I said, "Oh, honey, just like that" / I give you my loving and you give it right back / I said, "Oh, honey, just like this" / Hanging on white knuckle grip

Kat and I sang together for the remainder of the chorus while the rest of the group jumped in on the repeated lines.

It's all on my mind / Feel something when I kiss you good night / It's all on my mind / Feel something when I open my eyes / It's all on my mind / Feel that I could be your sweetest compromise / It's all on my mind / It's all on my mind

Our eyes stayed on each other, big smiles on our lips as we belted out the words in unison. I couldn’t deny that we sounded amazing together. Our voices complemented each other perfectly, especially when we leaned into the bluesy sounds of the music. Hell, truth be told, we all sounded pretty amazing as a group. Nothing could compare to how it felt singing with Kat though. We finished out the last verse together, completely at ease and having fun. 

Well, me and my baby are the bass in the beat / A lo-fi rhythm, the sweat and the heat / Come on now lover, won't you follow my lead / And we'll move on into the night

The energy in the room was high as we finished it out after everyone gave it their all on the chorus refrain. It was probably the best one of the night. The chat was going wild with praise for everyone, but Kat and I were getting most of the attention. 

Can we just get this crew their own show? So much more entertaining. 🙌 Dieter and Kat are amazing together. 😍😍😍 I had no idea Dieter Bravo had this much talent. Kat, marry me. I’m NOT an asshole. 🙏🙏 Both? Both. Yes. 😏 

We all said our goodbyes after that, promising to do another live soon since we had so much fun together. Once Marc disconnected, we all broke into a fit of laughter.

Marc was still chuckling as he said, “I’m sure Stacia and Joe are gonna have a lot to say about that.”

“Yeah, I’m sure my publicist will too. I’ve done nothing but cause chaos all day,” I replied. 

Kat came over, snaking her arm around my waist. She fought a smile as she leaned into me, “And, the plot thickens. Apparently, we’re in a throuple with your mystery lady now.”

I shook my head, “Yeah…I’m not even upset about that. I’ve been accused of worse things. I’m not sharing my Kit Kat though…” I paused, reaching down to swat her butt cheek, “This is Bravo’s ass.” 

Her eyes darkened as she attempted to give me an admonishing look, but she failed. She was totally turned on by that. 

My brow arched as she fought a smile. We were completely oblivious to everyone’s amused eyes on us. When we finally turned to look at them, a blush crept up Kat’s cheeks. 

I cleared my throat, “Well, everyone…this was fun. We should do it again.” 

They all nodded with knowing smiles. “We should probably…uhh…head out. We all have a ridiculously early start in the morning and I wanna be well rested so I can kick your ass on the dance floor.” 

Marc and Stefanie both gave me a deadpan stare before flipping the bird, causing me to let out a boisterous laugh. “Ahh, I think I’ve finally found my people.”

Kat and I said our goodbyes, grabbing our guitar cases then heading out the door. The air around us was thick on the drive home. Kat definitely didn’t help the situation with her hand wandering dangerously close to a very much at attention little Bravo. Her eyes cut toward me with a smirk on her lips every time she did it. 

We started pulling each other’s clothes off as soon as we walked through the door. We may not have gone to bed at a decent hour, but we definitely fell asleep happy and satiated. 

Monday mornings meant performance day. We followed our usual routine, arriving at Television City studios extremely early so we could get our camera blocking out of the way first. That went smoothly and we nailed the routine on each run through. We were feeling pretty confident about it as we headed toward wardrobe for our final fitting. 

Kat’s costume for the week really had my attention. There was just something about her in red. It looked amazing against her dark features and golden skin, giving her a sultry edge. This dress was no exception, the way it draped around her body and gathered in the back accentuated her curves in the best way. Her back and shoulders were completely exposed, emphasizing the muscular contours. This was an area that I had never given much attention to on woman, but hers were so fucking sexy. I couldn't help staring as she raised her arms and turned this way and that for Amy to pin bits of fabric for some minor alterations. The image was seared into my brain, I knew it would be the subject of one of my paintings later. 

I ended up ditching the jacket and tie that went with my costume. It felt too constricting for the choreography of this dance. Before it was all said and done, I only wore the red pants and red velvety button up shirt - leaving several buttons open and rolling up the sleeves, at Kat’s request, of course. 

(More after the graphics.)

Hair and makeup were pretty uneventful. We managed to snag our usual ladies, filling our time with banter and jokes as they worked. They gave Kat a sleek up-do this time. I swear she rolled her eyes every time they added a new bobby pin. I sort of didn’t mind it though, because I knew I would be the one to help her take them all out later. She suggested they leave my hair in loose curls this week. To my surprise, they actually did. However, they still put a shit ton of gel and hairspray in it to my dismay. 

We had managed to avoid Alec and Lana the entire morning. We assumed he was hiding out in his dressing room as much as he could. Word seemed to be spreading about what an absolute asshole he was to Kat, and many didn’t take too kindly to it. He was no longer the popular one of the cast and Kat loved every second of it. His ego was definitely taking a hit, which was the one thing that would hurt him the most. 

We could only be lucky for so long. Alec and Lana were already in the staging area when we got there. He didn’t even bother to try and hide the disdain on his still slightly bruised face. Lana kept shooting glances our way with an odd expression. It was almost smug, maybe? I couldn’t quite figure it out. Kat and I made sure to watch ourselves since the backstage cameras were circling like sharks, being sure to keep our interactions friendly between each other. We also made a point to not look Alec and Lana’s way after the initial sizing up. We didn’t want to give the producers anything to work with. 

Kat did the opening performance with Marc and the rest of their group, then rushed to change. I stayed with her the entire time, not chancing leaving her alone while the asshole was in the same building. There would not be another repeat of what happened after New York. 

Alec and Lana were two performances ahead of us, still doing very well and obtaining a high score. They scored 2 points under Marc and Stefanie, which put them in second place for the night. If Kat and I had it our way, they would soon be in third. 

We went through our usual routine of picking a hype song. I took the lead again this week, pulling up one of my favorite rock songs, You Shook Me All Night Long. Kat gave me that little smirk that I loved so damn much as she shook her head and laughed at me. I shrugged before transitioning into some of my goofy dance moves - pursing my lips as I wiggled my hips. She joined in of course, laughing at my ridiculousness through the entirety of it.

Before we knew it, it was our turn. Kat took her place in the center of the dance floor. As the music began to play, I walked toward her seductively, caressing her cheek as I circled her before grazing her nose with mine. After fanning her outward, our fast paced choreography synced with the quick beat of the Spanish style guitars. We commanded the attention of the room with our strong staccato footwork and vivacious presence. It was every bit as dramatic as we had intended it to be. 

I’ll admit, I was nervous about my solo part. Up until this point, I hadn’t really had choreography this challenging without Kat by my side. The quick and precise body movements along with the flamenco style footwork while trying to exude assertive energy really was a lot of work. However, we only had to do it once. I didn’t have to pace myself for hours of rehearsal time, which meant I put everything I had into it. By the time I reunited with Kat to finish out the last part of the routine, I was feeling pretty damn cocky about the whole thing. The cockiness only added to the overall effect and took the performance over the top. 

Kat’s movements were fluid and graceful as she danced around me, waving her flowy skirt. We continued with the stomping footwork, shaping our arms and hands into dramatic poses as we sidestepped each other. The electricity between us was buzzing at max levels as it always did when we performed together. The intensity of her gaze nearly took my breath away the handful of times our eyes connected. We were both in the zone and fucking killing it. We ended with a dramatic lift. I caught her by the hand before she fell back onto the floor for a dip to end it. 

I pulled her upward and wrapped my arms around her as the crowd’s near deafening screams and applause sounded around us. I had to fight the urge to crash my lips against hers at that moment. There was so much adrenaline and passion between us that I could have burst into flames from it. I wanted nothing more than to get her home and work some of it off. 

We went through the whole routine of doing the interview and waiting for our scores. With massive effort, we managed to keep our hands off each other in any inappropriate way. The whole thing was a blur. I don’t think I paid a lick of attention to anything the judges actually said. All I know is we got another perfect score, putting us in first place - again. To our surprise, we were met with more cheers than usual from the cast. Marc and Stefanie were the loudest among them of course. 

Marc and Stefanie invited us out for a celebratory dinner afterwards. I left it up to Kat. She declined, citing how this week had worn her out and she wanted to go home and get some rest before we woke up to do it all over again. They were bummed but understanding. I was a little bummed too, until we walked through the door at my place. 

Kat was definitely not as worn out as she let on, dragging me upstairs to the bedroom, peeling clothes off as we went. After a rather passionate round of sex, I made sure to give her a lot of aftercare that included a massage and hot bath while I made her some dinner. She might not have been feeling it right then with the rush of endorphins we both had surging through our veins, but I knew she would be soon. This week had been rough, and I wanted to see to it that she was properly taken care of so that we were ready to take on whatever week 8 had in store for us. 

✨Fun Fact: The song that Dieter and Kat are dancing to is this chapter is called Uccen, which translate to "The Wolf". Given that Dieter wears that little wolf ring, I found it fitting.

✨Your Paso Doble video for this chapter can be found HERE. Seriously, one of the best performances ever. It won and Emmy! This couple is married in real life and always burn up the dance floor when they perform.

Next: Week 8

A/N: So, this got posted a couple days later than I had planned. It was a doozy to edit and I'm sure I probably missed a lot. I do apologize but work did indeed kick my ass last week. Hopefully it was worth the wait.

We got lots of smutty goodness in this chapter. I 100% blame Mr. Pascal for his holiday beach antics. There was just too much inspiration. Some of it was planned and some of it wasn't. I'm not sorry.

Dieter and Kat are getting pretty close. They are completely embedding each other in the other's life. All of Dieter's people know now and Kat's sister knows. Dieter is pouring his heart out and sharing about his past, yet Kat is still in her head about everything. Do we smell drama brewing there?

They've also made some new friends. How are we feeling about Marc and crew? Good or bad?

Dieter has started his Instagram live shit. More to come on that. Also...his Instagram posts, that man is stirring up all the drama with those. Good or bad idea?

Zee got some love in this chapter. I love me some good Dee and Zee drama. They are both shit heads and we love them for that.

There was so much that went down in this chapter that I can't think of what all to highlight. So, please do show some love with a reblog and sound off about it. I wanna hear all the unhinged thoughts!

Week 8 will bring us the Viennese Waltz, and with that comes LOTS of drama. Y'all might want to have a tissue handy, because the shit is going to hit the fan.

Until next time,

💜Mysty

Chapter Credits: - Giving @avastrasposts credit for the SuccDee name. She saw it when I didn't, even though it was right there. -Major credit to @bitchwitch1981 for song inspo. She turned me onto The Devil Wears Lace and All on My Mind.

Taglist: @titlee78 @legendary-pink-dot  @survivingandenduring @wannab-urs  @harriedandharassed

@hisandsnakes  @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing  @runningmom94  @sin-djarin

@cakipy-blog  @missladym1981  @guelyury  @weho2kcmo  @alokaerza  

@girlofchaos  @trulybetty  @bitchwitch1981  @madnessofadaydreamer

@darkheartgatita  @jazzloveslatte  @timpletance  @musings-of-a-rose  @samiamproductions

@myloveistoolittle  @for-a-longlongtime   @copperhalfcent  @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter

@burntheedges  @stevie75  @bunniboo0015  @quicax3  @jackie923

@sherala007  @pastelnap  @angelofsmalldeath-codeine  @jessthebaker  @rebel-held

@gwendibleywrites  @senorabond  @annalovesflorida  @sandaltoesocks  @katw474

@txlady37 @inkmonster21 @sunnytuliptime @jeewrites

[waitsobs]

THE LONG GAME ⋆˚࿔ chapter forty-four

When popular actress y/n l/n's private account gets exposed, it is revealed that she has a crush on one of the girls from the girl group katseye. y//n tries to de-escalate the situation, but makes it worse, and loses her chance with the girl. The only way she think of winning the girl over is by playing the long game. 

NOT IN A FRIEND WAY

Y/n laid in her bed, bored, watching old SpongeBob episodes. She couldn't believe that someone had hit her car, which gave her a broken leg. Maybe the universe was telling her to stop trying with Megan.

Suddenly, a knock echoed through the house, followed by the soft murmur of voices. A few moments later, the door clicked shut, and silence followed

Then, another knock at her door.

She figured it was one of her friends checking in on her. “Come in,” y/n called, her voice betraying a hint of curiosity as she pushed herself up in bed.

The door creaked open, and in walked Megan, her bright ginger hair falling around her face, her footsteps hesitant. She shut the door behind her.

“Megan? What are you doing here?” y/n asked, raising an eyebrow, though a small flutter of excitement danced in her chest at the sight of the girl.

Megan glanced down, her fingers nervously playing with the hem of her shirt. “Lara told me what happened,” she murmured.

“Oh, of course she did.” She glanced away, her gaze sliding to the window, trying to push back the flood of emotions. “It’s no big deal, honestly. I’m okay… aside from the broken leg and the bruises.”

She dared a glance back at Megan, only to find her staring directly at her with an intensity that made her stomach tighten. The silence between them was thick with unspoken words, but it was clear Megan had come to talk.

“You can sit down if you want,” y/n said, gesturing toward the spot beside her.

Megan nodded, stepping forward cautiously. She sat next to y/n, her body slightly turned.

“I heard… I heard you were on your way to my house when it happened,” Megan began, her voice quiet but insistent. “Lara didn’t tell me why. I would’ve texted you, but, well, you blocked me everywhere.” She shot y/n a pointed look. “Did I do something wrong? Is it because of you and Minji? Are you two... dating now?”

Y/n’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of Minji, but she shook her head. She felt Megan’s hand twitch on the bed beside her, and without thinking, she reached for it, placing her palm gently over Megan’s, fingers brushing lightly across hers. The contact was electric, sending warmth through her body.

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong,” y/n said, her voice lower now. “It’s just... complicated.”

y/n took a steadying breath before continuing. “The day Minji kissed me I didn’t kiss back because I had realized something. And then, everything exploded on Twitter...”

Megan’s brows furrowed in confusion. “But why’d you block me?”

y/n sighed. She felt the weight of her manager’s decisions pressing on her. “It wasn’t my choice. My manager told me to block you, said you were bad press. I didn’t care about that, but... he made me do it. I didn’t want to block you. I just... didn’t feel like I had a choice.”

Megan’s expression softened. “Oh. I thought I did something wrong again.”

“No. It was my bitch ass manager,” y/n chuckled, and Megan’s lips quirked into a small smile, causing y/n’s heart to flip. The tension in the room finally started to ease.

Megan’s gaze lingered on y/n, searching her eyes. “You said you realized something. What did you realize?”

y/n’s breath hitched. Her fingers trembled as she gently lifted her hand from Megan’s and placed it on her cheek. Megan’s skin was warm under her hand, and y/n couldn’t help but let her thumb caress Megan’s soft skin. She looked at her, deeply, with so much more than words could say. 

She leaned in slowly, feeling the pull between them, and Megan followed suit. The kiss came as a soft collision of lips, hesitant at first, then deeper, more desperate. It was like all the unspoken emotions between them—months of silence, misunderstandings, and heartache—melted away in that one moment. Their lips moved together, neither of them wanting it to end.

When they finally pulled away, their breaths heavy and mingling, y/n rested her forehead against Megan’s. She closed her eyes, feeling her heart race wildly in her chest. “The day Minji kissed me, I realized I couldn’t ignore my feelings for you anymore. That’s why I was on my way to your house that night. I was going to tell you, but, well... we all know how that turned out.” She smiled softly, the confession lingering in the air.

“Megan...” y/n whispered, the weight of the moment finally hitting her. 

“Mhm?” She hummed, her voice soft.

“I like you,” y/n breathed, unable to keep it inside any longer. “Not in a ‘friend’ way.

Megan’s face lit up, her smile stretching wide. “Well, I sure hope so because we did just kiss.”

y/n scoffed, rolling her eyes, but her smile was just as big giving her a gentle punch on the shoulder.

Megan’s smile softened, and she cupped y/n’s cheek, her thumb brushing across her skin. “I like you too.” 

y/n’s heart soared. It felt like she could do a thousand backflips and still never get the rush she was feeling now. “What if I said I loved you?” she whispered.

Megan’s eyes widened, and she grinned like she’d just won a million dollars. “Well... i would say I love you too, but do I get another kiss if I do?”

y/n rolled her eyes playfully, but her lips were already curving into a smile. She leaned in once more, pressing her lips to Megan’s in another kiss until they finally pulled away

“I love you too, y/n,” Megan said, her voice light but sincere. She kissed y/n quickly on the lips before pulling back. “When you get that cast off, let me take you on a proper date.”

y/n beamed. “Sounds like a plan,” she said, excitement bubbling in her chest.

Just then, Megan’s phone buzzed, and she groaned,glancing at the screen. “I have to go,” she sighed. “I forgot me and the girls have to do something today.”

y/n nodded understandingly. “It’s okay, I get it.”

Megan smiled, standing up. But before she left, she turned back to y/n, her eyes soft and full of affection. She crossed the room quickly, kissing y/n one more time.

“I love you, bye,” Megan whispered as she pulled away.

“I love you too,” y/n whispered back, her heart still racing. She pressed her hand to Megan’s cheek, giving her one last kiss before she left.

As the door closed behind Megan, y/n let out a quiet cheer.

masterlist ⭑.ᐟ next

taglist: @saysirhc @urmom2314 @artrizzler19 @yeetaberry127 @yjiminswallet @meiphobic @meizinisnumberone @meganskiendielsbtc @soobnotfound @linnnsworld @1luvkarina @raviolisupremacy @peranoo @vrtualstar @ssamlovr @gtfoiydlyj @firstclassjaylee @kristalag @xochitlisbest  @yazzyminny @esccecvp @snoopyiz @vivilvr @fearnotfearmore @apersonwhowrites @blushmimi @cassiespoiler @wtfisthisnoclueman @7purinzer @sunshinez4  @caratinluv | taglist opened

[crustyfloor]

Honestly, I had questions when HyunA died, most of them just being why. After everything, after the pain Luka left her with, and the immense guilt over Hyunwoo's death, knowing what she's been through, why would she willingly take a bullet for Luka or even embrace him? It felt contradictory for a while, but now that I think about it, it feels very true to what we know about her for HyunA's character to have gone in this direction because of the person she is.

HyunA is the character who lived the "freest" life after escaping Alien stage. She got to experience what living freely was like outside of that environment and learned how to grow beyond being a pet human into her own person.

She was determined to keep pushing herself to move forward with each day because she would not let the struggle or her past stop her from continuing to live. Luka might've thought of Hyuna's rebellion as avoiding the situation, but she was building a life for herself, and we can see just how much HyunA grew during her time with the rebellion, how much she was loved and loved in return

HyunA didn't dwell on her past too often. Even so, her attachment to her childhood is significant; naturally, it makes her who she is today. The happy memories from her time in Anakt Garden that shared space in her heart with her moments with the rebels show she's reluctant to let that part of her go. But alongside this comes a burden she has to carry for years because she's constantly reminded of Hyunwoo's death; the child in her was still, always grieving him, feeling to blame for something that wasn't her fault. The pain of remembering it all weighs on her heavily.

Luka is the last living symbol of her past and her trauma that she couldn't let go of. The lasting sentiments and fondness she has for him clash with the complicated feelings he left her with after her brother's death. She couldn't bear being close to Luka anymore because knowing he was the cause of her brother's death hurt her. She regretted ever even getting close to Luka. She resented herself even more because she didn't want to let go of him

HyunA is brave for having worked so hard to get to the point where she could laugh again after escaping. There was a time when she was overdrinking and smoking to cope with the full force of her emotions when she first arrived at the rebellion.

After time passed, she could act as if she were confident and already resolutely moved on on the surface.

But really, Luka remained an everlasting and lingering presence in her life. The way Luka haunts her brings her back to the past she doesn't want to address. The way she used to see him as this harmless lonely boy who'd cling to her and follow her around. Now, she avoids his gaze or freezes when she sees him. He's a constant obstacle in her journey. She resents that undeniably. But she's guilty that despite that, and after everything, she still cares about Luka enough that he is a weak spot for her.

HyunA isn't a vengeful person. She is a justice seeker, but she isn't angry. She wants peace; she wants peace for herself and the people she cares about, and you can't find that in anger or hatred. Many people's first response in her position would've been to be angry, and rightfully so. But HyunA doesn't let anger dictate her next actions no matter how justified she would've been. That isn't the kind of person she is. This doesn't mean she accepts the pain she went through, but she always wants to keep moving forward in the right direction.

HyunA's humanity and love are strong aspects of her character; they've guided her to this point, and since she is effortlessly compassionate and selfless, always putting what she cares about before herself no matter how foolish it may be

It didn't even take her a minute's thought to save Luka the moment she realized he was at risk. She just moved. Despite her appearance of disinterest moments before, when she realized what he was doing, that look in his eyes (she knew him better than anyone there did anyway), that part of her from childhood that was always caring for and looking after him naturally resurfaced instantly. And like the impulsive, self-sacrificing person she is, she protected him.

Even with HyunA's extremely mixed feelings and lingering affections for Luka, it is not acceptance of all he did to her or forgiveness that makes her save him. The pain and discomfort Luka put her through is inexcusable. Regardless of however much she might disregard/dismiss it, she still suffered. She never forgot that, that's why she can't forgive him.

But it is HyunA's love, compassion, and humanity that have always guided her. At heart, she has a beautiful and kind soul. She fights for others because of her many experiences and the death of her closest loved one. Even though she 'could've' let Luka die, her strongest core values override the resentment she has in her. She doesn't forgive him, but it represents how HyunA cares about humanity. It represents how HyunA has always cared about Luka no matter what happened between them.

Love is twisted in every aspect of this series as it is fully intertwined with humanity. and it shows. Despite her complicated feelings that are deeper than even terms like love or hate can accurately apply, Luka is still HyunA's biggest weakness, despite the moments when she was angry with him and maybe even wanted to hate him; it's a testament to how much she cared about Luka. She couldn't. In fact, her love was so great that she wanted him to live.

It's incredible how this is her most selfless and selfish act yet. There was so much on the line. The rebellion still needed her, and Mizi still needed her. She still had a life to live for. but she died for Luka because she couldn't see him die. After all, she still cared about him so deeply. She even sees that Luka should still have a chance after everything and passes down her soul to him through the words she'd been told before, urging him to find peace within himself and live on without her, knowing he has never had that chance. And that is so fittingly human of her.

But really, why does he deserve it? Why does HyunA think Luka deserves it?

HyunA didn't want to live in self-hatred and anger over things she couldn't change. She wants to look beyond it, grow, and experience life to the best of her ability while she's still alive and working with the rebellion.

-

"HYUNA is the kind of kid who carves out a path for herself that she thinks is right."

"She doesn't look back when she feels weak or hurt; she keeps moving forward, and that's what HYUNA is today."

-

It's because of the person she is that she even rescued Mizi. Because HyunA recognized herself in the lost, distressed girl who was carrying a burden like no other and needed guidance. That's why she rescues Luka. Because she recognizes him as a human who deserves a life worth living with happiness and peace like any other. The narrative doesn't excuse Luka simply because HyunA feels that way for him, but it does provide insight into her reasoning for saving him. Optimistic or foolish as it may be, it's very HyunA in its way of execution

do you know how hard I prayed hyuna would say Sike and revive at the church today... its been a whole 2 days I've been crying nonstop

[thecheshireprincess]

Because all of two people said they wanted to read my newest story obsession, here's a sneak peek at my favorite chapter I've written . . .

Let me introduce you to:

The Game Itself

A Chishiya x childhood best friend reader (Niragi's sister!) fic

Content Warning: Mentions of an abusive father, mentions of reader trending toward a panic attack, canon-typical violence, curse words, Niragi is in here and is a menace

A/N: This chapter takes place well into the story, having already introduced many of the main characters and some important plot points. None of my own twists are spoiled by reading this chapter first, and I think it's the best representation for how this story will be 😘 I hope you love it 💕

You lean back with a sigh, relaxing into the plastic beach chair set in front of the glittering pool packed with bodies. The sun is high in the sky, and the citizens of The Beach are happily drinking it in. That's not the only thing they're drinking in, mind you - it's mid-afternoon, and the party is absolutely raging. The music is bumping, the drinks are flowing, and the people are doing what people at The Beach do best - celebrating life. It may seem macabre, to party the days away when you're forced to face deadly games by night, but honestly it feels kind of right when you aren't really sure how much longer you have left to live.

Chishiya sits at your feet, one arm draped lazily over your bare calves and the other holding him upright on the chair. As usual, his face is devoid of any emotion, but you know he is enjoying the opportunity to people watch and get some sun. Even he isn't a vampire, after all.

You spend a few moments studying the people yourself - many splashing around drunkenly in the refreshing pool water and others dancing uninhibited around its edges, everyone looking free as can be. How must it feel to not have to worry about anyone in the Borderlands but yourself? How easy it must be to not have the two most important people in your life stuck here with you, wondering if today is the day they're going to die.

You feel the familiar tight feeling in your chest start to build, and force yourself to shake away those suffocating thoughts - you simply cannot afford to panic here.

You turn your attention instead to playing with the beads adorning the straps of your emerald green crochet bikini. The suit was new, wearing it outside of your room for the first time today. It was special to you - Kuina had found it while she was out for a game last week, saying it had reminded her of your sparkling eyes. The gift made you feel loved, and the suit made you feel sexy.

Rolling the wooden beads between your fingers seemed to help settle your nerves. When your breathing finally returned to normal and the simple anxious task was no longer needed, you sigh loudly, covering your face with your arms and flopping further back into the chair. Bored.

Chishiya smirks, raising an eyebrow. The man very nearly laughs at the dramatic habit that was very you. "Bored already, hm?" He hums, "Coming down here was your idea after all."

"Yes, but I thought there would be more excitement" you whined, flailing your arms widely to accentuate your point. Chishiya sweeps his eyes over your form, looking at you with amusement.

He's about to say something more when he's interrupted by the arrival of two familiar figures - a nervous looking guy with shaggy black hair, and a fit, muscular girl with a cute bob cut. Chishiya squeezes your calf to get your attention, flicking his eyes toward them as they sit down apprehensively on two beach chairs across the pool from you. It was the two newcomers from the most recent executive meeting, and before that, your 5 of Spades game. Arisu and Usagi.

"So they decided to stay after all," you muse, sitting up in interest and folding your legs underneath you. You scoot your body closer to your friend, your thigh brushing against his, as you continue to observe the couple. You briefly wonder what had happened to his blonde friend, and the one they'd been trying to get medical help for. In a place like this, it's probably best not to ask.

The blonde turns his head to study your face, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear as he does, "I can't imagine that it would have gone over well had they declined Hatter's offer." You feel a slight shiver run down your spine at Chishiya's intimate touch. That's new, you note. He had brushed your hair behind your ear like that many times in your life, and only now does it take your breath away. You hum distractedly, still staring at the pair but suddenly feeling very far away from the events taking place around you.

You grin brightly, then, having noticed Kuina skipping over to them. She plops, likely uninvited, down on the chair beside Arisu, her unlit cigarette hanging characteristically in her mouth. There is no doubt in your mind that she was already teasing them about the relationship between them, despite having just introduced herself.

Kuina was confident like that, and you loved that about her. Well, except for when she was teasing you and Chishiya. You blushed slightly just thinking about it, wondering when you had started becoming so flustered about your best friend. You duck your head at these thoughts and pretend to study the sparkly manicure Kuina had given you last night.

You and Chishiya were still just best friends, right?

Within a minute or two, the air had turned from relaxed to tense, and your neck snapped up to find out why. Your discerning eyes land on the militants, of course, you really should have guessed. The hostile and generally power hungry group of The Beach's "personal protection unit" were filing into the party, sure to flash their weapons at anyone looking. The smart people were avoiding their gaze entirely, and the stupid (drunk?) people were openly gawking. You rolled your eyes, how typical.

Leading the charge onto the pool deck was Aguni, looking cold and calculating as usual, with your brother following close behind. Your eyes narrowed, having not seen him for a few days.

"Looks like you're about to get your excitement after all," Chishiya whispered, his breath tickling your ear. You took in a sharp breath in anticipation; the full militant corp was standing at arms looking ready to fight, at the pool. Could this mean the fall of The Beach could be coming sooner than you previously expected? Anxiety swirled heavily in your stomach, fingers subconsciously finding the wooden beads again.

You look to Niragi, the one person who would normally soothe your frayed nerves with just a glance, but feel even worse seeing the wild look in his darkened eyes. Had your relationship truly deteriorated so much in a matter of weeks?

Being all the way on the other side of the pool from them, you're unable to hear Aguni's request, but Niragi was quick to obey. He moved towards Usagi, pulling her roughly up to her feet.

You watch with widened eyes - had Aguni asked for Usagi? What would he even want her for? Nothing good, certainly. Maybe you overestimated his kindness and empathy the day he saved you in the 9 of Hearts game. Or maybe this place really does create monsters out of men - you could certainly see that in the long-haired man across the pool from you, once soft and caring, now swinging a gun around without a care in the world and physically threatening a girl not much older than you. Hell, you see it even in yourself, having been happy enough to let everyone but Chishiya die from the second you landed in this wretched place and started playing.

You're shaken from your reverie when Arisu springs up from his place beside Kuina to help Usagi. You groan in despair, knowing full well that your brother would only be further provoked; Borderlands-version Niragi has an extremely short fuse. Kuina also looks displeased, as though she'd literally just told them not to mess with them, which she probably had.

The people of the party are now definitely watching, but openly pretending not to be. If you didn't feel so anxious at the situation, you'd probably laugh at how nosy and indiscretion drunk people truly are.

You find yourself standing instead, ready to close the distance between your perch and where Niragi has now thrown Arisu to the ground, kicking him repeatedly in the stomach. You felt like throwing up watching the display. Memories flooded your mind of watching your father do the exact same thing to the tall man who was now delivering the blows. It was taking everything in you to not curl up in a ball crying like you always had when the two men in your family were fighting. No, this time you had to put an end to it. This time you would be brave and fight.

"You're going to try to save them, aren't you?" Chishiya mumbles in concern, knowing this scene was likely triggering to you. You knew he wanted you to stay out of it, but you just couldn't help yourself.

"I can't sit back and play victim anymore, Shiya," you whisper. You move swiftly around the pool, before you could lose your nerve or Chishiya could stop you.

"Niragi, please. They're my friends," you plead with the violent man, grabbing onto his forearm as he delivers another crushing blow to Arisu's ribcage. The people of The Beach were now actively watching the scene, fully invested in your family drama. You're unsure of why you called the couple your friends, when you just barely know their names. All you know is that you don't want to watch your brother kill the poor guy, and you definitely don't want to find out what Aguni had planned for Usagi. Or was it that you couldn't stand to see your sweet brother hurt someone the same way he had been hurt so many times in his life?

Niragi ceases his assault on the boy and rips his arm from your grasp. He gives you a full once over in the process, his cold eyes meeting yours for the first time in days. You feel real, raw fear filling your system, something you haven't felt since leaving your father's house for the last time 8 years ago. You'd never felt smaller in your life than you did now, shrinking under Niragi's brutal gaze.

Taking a shaky breath, you muster the shiniest, prettiest puppy dog eyes you can, peering up at Niragi through long eyelashes. "You won't hurt them, right? I'm friends with them."

Niragi continues glaring intimidatingly down at you, in what you realize is disgust. He doesn't address your concerns, but instead has something else to say.

"Put some fucking clothes on, you look like a slut" he spits fiercely, his pierced face now just centimeters from yours. The tight feeling in your chest had returned in full force, threatening to suffocate you.

You stumbled back as if he'd struck you - Niragi had never spoken to you like that. Your stomach dropped, and it took all of your willpower to maintain your composure. You obviously couldn't cry in front of all these Beach idiots, gaping at the two of you like you were the best soap opera in the Borderlands. You turn your head to escape his intense gaze, and put your tongue in your cheek to keep the tears from spilling over. You want soap opera? I'll give you soap opera.

Looking back up at your brother, you cross your arms over your chest. "What are you going to do, make me?" you implore him brattily. Niragi seethed, pierced eyebrow arching, looking like he was seriously considering slapping the attitude right out of you. You stand your ground, the way you should have every other time you've faced a monster like this.

As you and Niragi stare each other down, the initial cause for your dispute long forgotten, Aguni and the others have become distracted by Hatter's arrival. One side demanding peace, and the release of the newest members of the beach; the other begging silently for chaos to ensue. The tense atmosphere surrounding you indicates the balance of power between the two leaders was indeed in jeopardy.

After what feels like hours of strained silence, Aguni ultimately yields to Hatter. The Beach seems to collectively release their held breaths as Aguni and the militant corp flock away to another part of the resort. Usagi quickly tends to Arisu, leading him back into the building to treat his wounds and get to safety. Meanwhile, you have your own struggle for power going on.

Niragi still stands towering above you, obviously not in the mood for your games. He unbuttons his black and white collared shirt, draping it over your shoulders, "Go. Change. Not a request." His fingers wrap tightly around your forearm, aggressively yanking you towards the entrance to the hotel. The force that Niragi had exerted on you nearly sent you careening into the pool still glistening mockingly at your feet, but luckily Chishiya had appeared in just the right position to catch you. Unbeknownst to you, the two exchange a brief look before Niragi skulks off to find Aguni and his other lunatic friends.

The panic within you threatened once more to boil over and your brain simply shuts down - this day had been too fucking much. In your daze, you barely register Chishiya dragging you inside, away from the curious and scrutinizing glances of The Beach citizens. You were embarrassed, confused, and fucking mad.

Just as you passed through the swinging double doors and into the air-conditioned building, Kuina fell in step with you two. She let a reassuring hand fall on your shoulder, squeezing it for comfort. At her kind touch, you feel your carefully crafted resolve finally crumble to the floor. Chishiya knew immediately that you were done for, lifting you easily into his arms and allowing you to ground yourself in him. He carried you protectively the rest of the way to his room as your thoughts thundered around in your head like a wild storm.

You had been lying to yourself your whole life, Niragi had been lying to you your whole life. He promised that your family wasn't broken, that you weren't broken. You guessed it was too much to ask for you to remain untouched by your father's special brand of cruelty. That one day, you'd likely both become just like him.

And now Niragi had. He called you a slut, degrading an outfit that had made you feel beautiful. He embarrassed you in front of an audience. He grabbed you so hard you could see his fingerprints etched in your skin. He was just like him and this time you knew you wouldn't escape.

It was then that you knew - this game that you were playing was much more dangerous than you had initially realized.

♤ ♡ ◇ ♧

OKAY so I got a little carried away 😅 Yes this was supposed to be a sneak peek, but believe it or not it's not even the entire chapter 🤭

Who's ready for the whole story?

[queersolaris]

I’ve been meaning to reply to you because I really loved your response!

Honestly I forgot about the whale being in open waters at the end but you’re right! I was thinking this is almost a reminder that you’ll still be there for yourself if rock bottom hits again or maybe even a hint that healing never truly stops as you go through life

You’re grounded for now. The ocean of your emotions has a boundary to look at for now but you still have support here if you need it again! I think it really was a hopeful way of looking at any kind of emotional situation, that healing is continuous but no matter how big that ocean feels you can support yourself through it and change!

I watched Flow (2024) a few days ago and I have been itching to get my thoughts out in some kind of way!! So don’t mind me gushing/ psychoanalysis this absolutely amazing movie—

This post will probably be all over the place cause I am still processing everything; forgive the jumbling thoughts

I think this movie had so many angles to see it from~ I totally got the found family (MY BRAND) and climate change perspectives buuuut what got me tearing up was interpreting it as parts of a person processing trauma

“oh this feels like it should be a video game” was actually my first thought

From the silence, style, hell even the boat steering felt like a game mechanic-- it kept coming to mind that this was similar to games like Brothers: a tale of two sons or When the past was around (kinda)?

It seemed obvious that there is trauma going on; how could there not be with an event like that? The theme that got me thinking it was more so about parts was 'reflection'

Obviously it starts and ends with a scene of the cat looking at itself in the water; but there was also our lemur friend being obsessed with their reflection in the mirror. From the angle of it being about parts dealing with trauma here is my dump of thoughts— I know its not that deep but I JUST GOTTA GET THIS OUTTA ME

The stags running represents the trauma event itself and the water felt like the overwhelming feelings that come afterwards-- something you can’t control it’s depth and suffocated by as it keeps rising no matter how much you try to escape/ignore it

The cat being in a house that is already run down feels like it’s clinging onto anything that is familiar but the feelings won’t let the cat survive— feelings will create the need for change and that’s is unavoidable (especially with trauma) The run down house could also have represented the way the cat has settled in poor conditions with time, old memories from a simpler time, and that can lead to isolation

Cat = representing resilience/self sustainability through situations which is why it is the main POV; it can lead to overwhelm and helplessness when isolated but it is the adaptability that is needed to progress (throughout the movie or trauma)-- the statues at the house could also be seen as almost versions of that; moments that it was bigger, smaller, more mobile but always is the same form

Dog = it was interesting that this character was introduced at the start but not along the journey the whole time right? I thought they were a representation of surviving through socializing— there is childishness and innocence but it is mainly always seen with others or serving others

Maybe the dog even could represent a child self ; something always willing to trusts others and help selflessly They do jump in to protect but in a way that is not rejecting

Capybara = survival by freezing or floating thru the situation— which is why we get to see them already on the boat, their focus is to nurture itself for the next day… taking it one day at a time and doing what it could but not worrying too much about the things it can’t help

Bird = the opposite of our doggy friend— we meet it as the one of the first to be around others of its kind but there is a self sacrificing nature to it. Giving its food to fighting for the cats safety... it has a protective role; however in a way that reject risks of the groups survival/comfort (with the pack of dogs) yet when that over protectiveness leaves… the situation ends soon after

I wondered before the bird disappeared if it was meant to be a older self— still juxtaposed to the dog— something with more trust issues because of experience, it looks after the other parts, even steers the others in the right direction... the connection to the cat also felt right ya know?? The parts of you that are willing to adapt usually come out the most in adulthood or when you need to be your more 'mature' self

There is also the concept of the flight response it could represent; which is why they did not want to be around the pack of dogs— almost showing it wanting to run/keep away from others

It disappearing felt like maybe there was something else— like this is meant to represent passing on a part or habit that kept healing at bay but was necessary to move through the trauma

Lemur = obsessed with material and it’s own reflection— it seems to be the part that tries to survive with status and the approval of others; of course being self destructive…

Maybe representing rumination, clinging onto things that are apart of the familiarity (which is why the movie kept the ball from the house as a reoccurring object), and even masking since the mirror was something that gave it company later before realizing it wasn’t the kind of company it wanted

The foundations crumble suddenly, the overflow of emotions (water) starts to sink in; leaving things different and the same (it seems like the same forest/area). We see the stags again running like before-- which almost indicates that something similar could happen. Then the cat waits for it all to happen again; the worst. When nothing does it runs after them almost looking for an answer, I think we've all been there; trying to figure out why our responses vary or what is was about us that has changed from before that makes things easier. That's when the cat gets to see our final part:

Whale = this thing made me cry for sure because throughout the story it felt like this represented old coping mechanisms (like from childhood); something that kept you a float or going no matter how dire things became—when rock bottom would hit in the middle of floating/navigating so many feelings-- it ensured survival. Even when the cat finally learned to fish for itself (which now i wonder was meant to be like naming emotions or processing things bit by bit) the whale shows up once more almost to be a reminder that it was still around even when not fully needed. At the end when foundations crumbled, the whale is no longer able to survive… and the cat is able to thank it for its help.

The water was there the whole movie but there was little times when the cat seemed to look at it's reflection. When it did it again at the end of the movie but with whole group being together-- I was obviously crying because dammit undertale you’re right despite everything it is still you

OH about the video game thought— looking at this from the lens of a trauma response; it did make more sense to be told as a movie; I mean with a game I can pause… I can take myself out of their experience and feel in control with a situation that is meant to not let us feel any

So being a movie instead is actually perfect

[halforresterluvsford]

This was supposed to be posted on Valentine's Day but life happens and I fall asleep in the middle of writing, Oops. I honestly don't know how good this is, and if you see grammar mistakes no you didn't! Enjoy these sappy brosbands!

Stan breathes out into the cool night air, shivering and shoving his hands in his coat pockets. It was freezing in the Arctic. He was glad when he and Ford decided to head for warmer waters a week ago, winter in the Arctic circle is hellishly cold, and while it created many opportune moments for cuddling, he was getting real tired of being cold all the time. He wants to go to Tuscany, try the wines, the tomatoes, and the cheeses. Go to Rome and make fun of the hokey tourist attractions with Ford. Is it probably miserably hot down there and will Stan complain about it? Yes 100%, but as long as he's not freezing his balls off, he'll take anything. Subconsciously, he brings a hand out to adjust himself in his pants, thinking about Ford finally busting out those green shorts-

"Stanley?" He whirls around, hands shooting up out of instinct to protect his face before he relaxes. It's just Ford, good Ol' Poindexter scaring the piss out of him.

"Yeah, whatzit?" Stan asks, ducking his chin in his collar to shield his face from the cold. To also hide his blush. Ford looks good. Well, he always does, but for some reason, he looks really good right now. His hair is combed, for once, he's wearing a spiffy jacket and a pair of slacks that cut really nicely around his upper thighs. Stan has a hard time not staring. Hot damn is he lucky to have a one Stanford Pines as his lover. His Lover, capital "L". Sure it took some used to, getting over the whole incest thing, but honestly? They're too old to worry about that, and they've spent too many years apart to get hung up some trivial matter such as being related. At least, that's how Ford put it, and Stan couldn't help but agree, who were they hurting by being together?

"It's a rather nice night, isn't it? Do the stars seem brighter than normal to you?" Ford smiles so softly at Stan that he feels breathless for a moment, his heart aching at how much he loves his twin.

"Yeah, they-um, they're really pretty, the moon, too." Damn, he sounds like a babbling idiot. Just because Stanford looks extra good tonight and smiled at him so sweetly. You're a weak man, Stanley Pines. Weak.

Meh, he can live with that, being weak for the person he loves most in the entire galaxy. No, the entire multiverse. Stan would risk destroying the world a thousand more times for Ford, and he will if he has to, that's how much he loves him.

"Yes, the moon does seem rather bright tonight, does it not? I'm glad the sky seems so clear tonight, we were fortunate enough to catch it as it reaches fullness. You know, there are stories about..." Stan doesn't mean to tune Ford out, really, but he can't help but get lost in thought as he stares at him. The moon really is extra bright out tonight, gleaming off Ford's hair and reflecting off his face. Ford looks, well good is the only word coming to Stan's brain at this moment, but "good" doesn't really describe how he looks. He looks like he belongs in an old film as the smooth debonair protagonist. Like Hampterfuppinshire from "The Duchess Approves". Moses, he loves looking at Ford, looking at how he looks so much like when Stan saw him for the last time in Glass Shard but at the same time so different. He's taller, broader, stronger, and way hairier-Stan can attest for that. But he still smiles the same, still styles his hair-sideburns aside-the same. His brown eyes still sparkle the same when he talks, full of excitement and life and yearning. That's always been Stan's favorite part about Ford, his eyes. How they look like amber when the sun hits them at just the right angle, a shade lighter than Stan's. How Ford can never hide his emotions, not when Stan can look into his eyes and see how tormented, how pained, or how happy he is just with a glance. He loves most of all when they light up when Ford looks at his family, all together, when he looks at him-

Stan is jolted out of his thoughts when Ford drops down onto one knee. He scrambles, scared that he missed something serious or important when he was lost in the thought of Ford's eyes. He stops abruptly when his twin brings his hands up, cupped. He stares intently at Stan, who's getting steadily more confused and worried as Ford just stares at him. Finally, after what seems like forever, Ford opens his hands and reveals a ring glinting under the moonlight. It's black, dark enough that Stan wouldn't have been able to make out what it was if it was for the glinting of the moon off purple and blue hues in the ring. His brother is still staring, eyes looking at him, he knows that stare, he's staring so he can gather his words to speak in a way so that he wouldn't make as ass of himself. Stan's breath catches in his throat, and he fights to swallow the lump that formed as soon as Ford dropped down. He stares, he doesn't know what to think, his mind moving at half a mile per second. What is Ford doing? Why does he look so determined? And the ring? Stan opens his mouth to-to say something to get Ford to stop staring at him like that, to speak. He doesn't have to, Ford finds his words very soon.

"I love you, Stanley Caryn Pines. I have loved you for as long as I can remember. For me, it's always been you. Through our fights and being apart for 40 years, it's always been you. No one can make my heart sing the way you do," here, Ford's voice breaks a little, and Stan can see tears in his eyes before they're blinked away, "I need you by my side, I have always needed you by my side, even when I was a stupid fool who scorned you for mistake, even when I was raging against you, I have always needed you. I love you more than words can tell, more than I can say, really. And-and I know a wedding, especially at our age and with our relationship, probably seems ridiculous-heh-but I still want that. With you, proving our love to the world. I-if you'll have me, of course. So, will you-will you marry me?" Ford concludes his speech with an important question and a shaky smile, eyes tearing up and hands shaking-from nerves or the cold, Stan can't tell-but looking all the world in love. With Stan. He feels his heart clench so tightly he worries he's having a hear attack for a quick moment before shaking that thought away. He doesn't know what to say or how long he's been standing there silent, but he thinks its been too long because Ford is starting to look upset, his hand lowering from where he kept it up. "Stanley, I-I-"

Speechless, Stan reaches into his pocket and pulls out the box he's kept in there for 2 months straight now, too cowardly to offer it up to Ford. He holds the velvet box in his hands for a moment before he reaches out and hands it to Ford, waiting for him to open the case. He does so, slowly, eyes widening as he sees the old and tarnished ring sitting snugly in the case. It was their grandfather's, Stan inherited it-as Ford-when their father died. It's gold with a ring of silver in the middle. Ford's always like the story behind it, how their grandpa so desperately wanted to marry their granny, but couldn't afford a ring for her, so he gave a-Stan can't remember if it was a Jewelry maker or a metal smith, that part always changed-he gave a someone one of his mother's silver hoops and the gold caps from his teeth to make a ring with. Ford found the story sweet and romantic, Stan never truly understood that sacrifice until he spent 30 years living someone else's life just to bring back the only person he's ever loved.

"Well shit, guess you beat me to the punch, huh?" Stan laughs awkwardly at Ford's silent staring, his eyes going from the ring to Stan himself. "I-um. I got that after pa', y'know. And I-I've been carrying that old thing around for months now, just waiting for the right time," Stan waves his hands as he looks to the side, too cowardly to look at the man who just proposed to him holding the ring he was going to propose with. He pulls at his coat collar, feeling warm and a tiny bit suffocated. "Heh, it's probably not as nice as the ring you got-" yeah, it's probably made from a fucking Meteor or some shit- "but I remember you liked the ring and the story when we was kids s-so." Stan swallows, or tries to, his throat is too damn dry. "Well jeez, Poindexter, say something at least, I'm dying here." But Ford doesn't say anything. He laughs, hard, belly bouncing, head thrown back laughs. Stan joins with some chuckles after a moment, hoping he's not being mocked, that Ford suddenly changed his mind because Stan got him an old and shitty ring compared to his cool sci-fi one.

"Great Minds think alike, Stanley! Hah! I should have known, you've acting odd for weeks now. Well, more than usual, heh." Ford was smiling so wide that Stan's cheeks hurt just looking at it. So, he's not being rejected, that's good. It's great. It's more than great. "And you remembered the ring, oh Stanley you have no idea how much this means to me." If he looks closely enough, Stan can see tears in his brothers eyes, soft and sweet, happy tears.

"S-so 's that a yes to marrying me?" What? He's still afraid of being rejected. Looking at Stan's history, can you blame him?

"Only if you agree to marry me, as well, Stanley." Ford looks nervous, too, but Stan has no doubt in his mind that he'd say yes to his brother's proposal.

"Stanford, I've loved you my entire life, before that, I think. I loved you before I knew you," Stan snatches the cool probably-a-space ring from Ford's hands and crams it on his finger. A perfect fit. He probably took measurements when Stan was asleep. Such a little creep, his little creep. "Yes I'll marry you. Think I'd also propose-no wait, Bropose-"

"Stanley don't call it that-"

"If I didn't?" Stan finishes, ignoring Ford's interruption.

"Well in that case, Stanley, yes I'll marry you, too. You big sap." Ford fits the other ring on his fourth finger.

"Creep, I bet you spent weeks measuring my fingers to get a ring that fits this well." Stan shoots back, he's got to hold on to his pride. He's no sap.

"Says the man who admitted to carrying around this ring for months. What was it you said? You "loved me before you knew me"? Sounds sappy-ow!" Ford rubs his arm where Stan punched him, throwing a pout his way. They break out into boisterous laughter again at the situation, sibling fights after proposing to each other. Can't beat this type of relationship.

"Hey, should I get you a second ring, for your extra ring finger? Symmetry an' all that Jazz?" Stan asks, shoving Ford out of the way to beat him to the door. It really is cold outside.

"Stanley, stop it! I-ugh fine, go ahead." Ford shoves Stan through the door, "I don't feel like it's wholly necessary to do that, but far be it from me to stop you. Should we tell the kids about this?"

"Nah, not right away, at least. We gotta get married on international waters, anyways, no laws against incest marriages here." Stan rubs his hands together to warm them, grinning as he feels the ring rub against his other fingers.

"We could get married far out enough from the Californian Coast to be in International Waters but have the twins there, assuming they'd want to come. Should we have a summer wedding? Hmmm, maybe spring, I want it to be warm enough that no one's shivering, but I do like our summers back in Gravity Falls, and I'd hate to miss out on it, even for our Honey Moon...." Ford talks on as they warm themselves up inside their cabin, pulling out the ingredients for Hot Cocoa.

Stan smiles at his-his fiance's ramblings. Moses, he really does love his brother.