#you can hardly even get bi men to be nice to each other like so many do believe bi solidarity is wrong and bad

[insufferable-meow-meow]

I wanna know who of significant influence or number treats bi men like "injured deers". because, if you do hear about bi men at all from any side of the political spectrum, it's almost always about how particularly degenerate, disgusting, evil, and culpable we are. Or in GC online spaces there's a proliferation of just straight up homophobic jokes, rape jokes, etc that are seen as somehow woke and almost no one challenges in any way lol.

PS it's actually really easy to say that heterosexual men are objectively worse by almost anything you could mean by that ranking and that bi men are still an oppressed minority.

[ashenpages]

Current Projects & Emoji Voting Key

Quick disclaimer: I’m a romance writer in all aspects of the term, so most of my works will contain mature content. Engage at your own risk, you know the rules, you’re responsible for curating your own experience of the internet, blah blah blah.

This post serves as a current mock up of fic ideas I’m either actively working on or considering working on next. You can drop me an ask about any of them, or just vote via the emoji combo I’ve assigned them.

Voting lets me know you’re excited about an idea and makes it more likely I’ll actually work on it. You can vote anytime, there’re no deadlines or winner announcements, just me gauging your interest by what I see in my ask box most often.

You can also ask me about the original stuff I’m working on currently. The current WIPs are Medusa centric and the emoji for them is: 🐍

Support my original work on Ko-fi and Patreon.

- Lupin: 🤑🤠💍  These are all oneshot ideas, between 5-15K each. If you want to vote for a specific idea, send me the emojis and the number of the idea.

Born from the idea that Goemon and Zenigata probably couldn’t be an item, my brain decided to come up with how I could write for them. Goemon’s teaching an ikebana class as part of his training, and Zenigata shows up as a student on forced recreational leave for his health from the ICPO. Zenigata wins the samurai’s heart through flowers. But what happens when Lupin and Jigen find out? (Only good sexy things, I promise. These beans are in a healthy polycule--be gay, do crimes) (WIP)

Jigen/Lupin, but it's Jigen deciding to seduce Lupin while wearing his own Lupin disguise. The thief is waaaaay too into it, and some artistry is taken with the sex so that they don't mess up the disguise too much during their encoutner.

Jigen/Zenigata/Lupin where Jigen has some fantasices about Zenigata, but is pretty sure they'll never happen. Tells Lupin about them. Suddenly the fantasies are coming true, in the middle of a heist, and Jigen doesn't what to do except get swept up in the moment and enjoy. Plot twist, it's Lupin dressed up as Zenigata granting all his gunman's dreams. Plot twist again, Zenigata catches them at it.

Zenigata/Lupin, where Lupin keeps doing good things in illegal ways and Pops has to find a way to punish him for it. Good thing for Pops Lupin's a masochist?

Trans!Lupin and Trans!Jigen premise: Jigen cares for Lupin after the master thief has top surgery, since Jigen has Been There and Done That. Caring, sweet, and a little sexy. Lupin is a much better patient than Jigen.

The one time Zenigata caught Lupin in an alley and kissed him and it was Jigen in disguise. Things get sexy anyway, and Zenigata has crushes on two thieves now. Lupin and Jigen "kidnap" him later for an evening of taking care of their inspector.

The background plot of Jigen's Gravestone where we see Jigen think he's done for and try to leave Lupin. Our thief has none of it, and we get to relish in the inherent eroticism of Lupin sitting in sniper fire, knowing Jigen's got his back. This is the moment I think Jigen finally believes he can be with Lupin forever.

I love the idea of something longer and more plot driven like a Lupin special where Lupin ends up in hot water and Jigen and Fujiko have to work together to save him. Jigen and Fujiko have such an interesting relationship. They're both partners of Lupin, they don't really like each other, they constantly screw the other over, but when it really matters they take care of each other. I'd like to see that highlighted a little more and also give them space to call each other out and bicker. Nothing sexy between them, but maybe a really interesting threesome with Lupin and Fujiko in a strap on once they save their boy.

- Sonic Vampire Novelist Coffee Shop AU: 📚☕💐

Shadow is an immortal vampire who has seen the world change for the worse too many times. These days it feels like he only lives for his coffee dates with Rouge, another immortal who loves each new era they encounter, warts and all. He has to admit that the book series she got him into speaks to him, at least. If someone in this era can understand him without meeting him, it can’t all be bad. But he hardly expected the goofy blue barista at the new coffee place to understand him the way those books do.

This is a novel length romcom romp with some big feelings about what it means to watch as things change, grow, and die. Expect lots of Big gothic feelings from this one, emotionally charged kissing, and overly-adoring sex. But also expect shenanigans from everyone in the coffee shop, which include Rouge, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Cream, and more.

- Sonic Blazamy, "Like the Sun": 💖🌸💎

Amy Rose has been in love with Sonic for a while.

Or has she?

When the Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver are trapped as the fuel sources for Doctor Eggman’s newest evil scheme, Amy teams up with Blaze, Rouge, and Cream to save them. With Sonic out of the picture and Amy fulfilling his role, was she ever really in love with him? Or did she just want to be like him?

This is a novel length epic romance with lots of competent women and lots of romantic Blazamy content. Expect flowery hopes and dreams, badass self-actualization, and glancing hand touches that give way to cuddly and sweet sex.

- Persona 5: 🗡🍛☕

After bringing down the Metaverse twice, Ryuji didn’t think graduating high school and figuring out what to do with his life would be so hard. Akira’s back in town, and the gang’s more-or-less all in Tokyo, but everyone else seems to have a plan while Ryuji just floats. How’s he supposed to change the world when he’s not a phantom thief anymore?

This is a novel length fic that addresses how powerless one can feel being just one person in the face of all the corrupted systems and bigotry the world has to offer. It’s about holding on to what you believe in, working through the doubt, and fighting your way to a better tomorrow with the power you do have. The whole gang is queer, featured relationships being Mako x Ann, Ryuji x Akira, Futaba & Yusuke as platonic life partners. Akira is polyamorous and omnisexual, Futaba’s asexual and aromantic while Yusuke is demisexual and very romantic, Makoto’s a lesbian, Ann and Ryuji are bi, and Haru’s pansexual, demisexual, and aromantic. They’re one giant band of queer Phantom Thieves, and even if they’re not really doing the Metaverse thing anymore, they’re still gonna save the world!

Also, I’m gonna make Makoto not a cop. That super didn’t age well. Zenkichi and his boss can work on making them better/abolishing them for other better organizations.

- Hades Game: ❤️‍🔥💀

Oneshot. I just really need to elaborate on the threesome you can have with them in-game, okay? Healthy and canon poly relationships are so few and far between, so often I have to do a ton of groundwork to explain why it’s working in the fic, but NOT WITH THESE KIDS!

Get ready for Meg helping Zag and Than be better at expressing their feelings, lots of kissing, and probably pegging.

- Castlevania Animation Trevor/Sypha/Alucard: 🧛🏰🛌

Castlevania gave Alucard a threesome last season, and I just really need S4 to give me him being taken care of by his partners. They’re probably not going to give it to me, so I’ll need to do it myself. This is just an everybody loves Alucard oneshot, with the gang’s signature banter (to an extent), Sypha being sexy, and Trever being remarkably sincere. This fic is gonna feel like that Ann Hathaway picture with Trevor kissing Alucard and Sypha holding the end of Trevor’s whip while she leans her head on Alucard’s shoulder adoringly.

- Devil May Cry Nico/Lady/Trish: 💋✨😈

Nico’s gay, okay? Like really, really gay. And Lady’s bi and not into men who make her pay bills, but very into women who make amazing guns for her and demonesses with hearts who fight by her side. Trish is ace, but loves people and is pretty attached to Lady at this point. Plus it’s cute when Lady blushes and says nice things like they’re insults. I don’t have super solid ideas for them yet, and I envision these more like a polycule where Lady’s with Nico and with Trish but they’re not with each other more than seeing it as a threesome, but who knows what might happen. This is probably 1-2 oneshots depending on ideas, but might turn into a series of oneshots if people are interested (or I can’t control myself and inspiration strikes).

- Post FMA:B Blind Roy & No Alchemy Ed: 👀👑🙏

This is actually an old novel-length fic I wrote ages ago and didn’t post that didn’t turn out well because I was new to writing sex when I first wrote it. The plot is good, and is all about Roy learning to work with his blindness to reclaim his ambition of being Fuhrer and changing the system to something that actually cares for its people. He and Ed reconnect, fall into bed, and both set about working through their respective traumas about being “useless” having lost their sight/alchemy. They go to Xing as an ambassadorial party to offer Amestris’s collaboration on Al and May’s Alkahestry experiments--and uncover a plot that might threaten both kingdoms.

- Age of Calamity continuity Mipha x Revali: 🦚🐟💘

The first time Revali noticed Mipha, it was in the heat of battle. She stole his mark, taking them down with a flurry of quick blows from her spear. Violence rained from her like water--and then she healed him on her way to her next battle. No questions, no conditions, just pure kindness. The usual need to measure himself against those around him was quiet in her wake. And Revali couldn’t understand it. But how to get to know more about her? A fish and bird may fall in love, but where would they live?

This fic could be a oneshot or novel length depending on how far down the hole I fall. I need it to cover time, but it could be done in linked vignettes or with actually covering events in detail. I may elect to do a oneshot just to get it done and out of my system faster. So much fic to write, so little time.

Expect trans!Revali, polyamorous Zoras, scary competent Mipha, songbird Revali, love confessions that are made up entirely of berating Link for not loving Mipha the way she wants him to, and breaking these characters a little outside of their assigned roles in BotW and Age of Calamity. Background Link x Zelda, and Urbosa x Zelda’s Mom.

- Epic desert romance about Urbosa and Zelda’s mom: 🏜🏝⚡

I just think Urbosa should kiss women and Zelda’s mom should get more development and maybe a name or something. Also, lightning imagery/metaphors/play.

It also went way over my head that Riju wasn’t Urbosa’s daughter the first time I played BotW, so now I want to write about the Gerudo queen who refused to produce an heir. The Gerudo are fascinating and have a very interesting cutlure, but I think it could be examined from a nonbinary perspective that rejected pregnancy and wanting to find a husband. Not in like a hateful way, but in a way that examines if that’s really right for everyone. There’s that shop in town that sells Voe armor, after all. Maybe finding a husband and having children isn’t something you have to do if you don’t want to. And Urbosa really doesn’t want to.

[halo-jpeg]

Bearable | A Reddie Fanfiction

Read it from the beginning

Chapter 1

"Bill, why? Why would you say yes to that party? We don't know him! What if he's some serial killer? What if he tries to get us to do drugs? What if he kills us or lives in a dumpster or something?" Eddie is erratic, his drink still in his hand. They were hardly off the block of the little cafe known as Portland Authentic. Eddie hadn't been too fond of the guy behind the counter, mostly because he had written 'Eds' on his coffee cup. "I mean- we only just got to Portland and you're already going to get us killed or something!"

"Eddie, it'll be fine," Stan is the one to cut in with reassurance, taking a sip from his own cup and somehow not flinching at the taste of the straight caffeine, "Yeah, he was a little energetic but he didn't seem malicious. I think it'll be a good opportunity to get to know some new people." Eddie opened his mouth to speak, but Bill beat him to it, and no one had the disrespect to talk over Bill. That was just... off limits, so Eddie shut his mouth again and tried not to grimace.

"Buh-buh-besides," He started, one hand in the pocket of his jeans, the other soaking up the warmth of his cinnamon cappuccino, "It'll be guh-good to get out and see what kind of people Portland has to offer." With that, the discussion was closed, and Eddie let it drop with just a sigh, trying to shake away the lingering annoyance clinging to his mind. There were too many good things about Portland to worry about the bad things- in just a few days he would be working towards his dream as a doctor- he had always wanted to be a doctor. When he was younger, he had wanted his career to be within the health arena for the sake of reassuring his mother that he could take care of himself without being stuck behind a desk- now, though, he wanted to become a doctor to prove his mother wrong, to learn all sorts of things that would help him confirm that he wasn't sick, and had never been sick like Sonia Kaspbrak had said he was.

The rest of the walk back home was near silent, consisting of craned necks and obvious gawking- Portland really was gorgeous, and so different from Derry. Rather than the tiny, modest homes Eddie and his friends grew up knowing, almost everything in the downtown area was some form of 19th century architecture or something alike- each building consisted of warm tones, arched windows, grand streetlamps with pots of colourful flowers. Eddie can't even imagine what it must look like in the daylight.

"Oh, here's my work," Stan said, seeming not to have realized what street they were wandering down. The three halted outside of a small flower shop, Roses on Deane, and approached the large, open windows in the front. The lights were out inside, obviously, but it was still possible to make out the shapes of many many bouquets. Stan had managed to score a job a few months back thanks to a cousin who had a friend who owned the place, and though Stan never considered himself a huge fan of flowers, Eddie could see how the place would fit him. At least one of them had a job- Eddie shudders to think that there is yet another huge thing he needs to get done this weekend. If he doesn't have a job by next weekend then he won't be able to pitch in to help with rent. Bill, who had been working at the library back home, had been transferred here too, so he was also getting payed bi-weekly. Eddie was alone in his unemployment, but that was okay. He was smart, and efficient, and he would get a job sooner or later somewhere.

"When do you start?" He asked, finally bringing his rapidly-cooling drink up to his lips. He braced himself for a horrid taste, taking a slow, tentative sip, and almost letting a sound of approval slip past his lips. It didn't... It didn't taste horrible. Peppermint was okay, in his opinion, and it balanced out the bitterness of the coffee just right.

"Tuesday at 5:00," Stan took one last glance through the window, smiling serenely and turning to continue on to their new apartment. Again, the three fell into silence, calm and comfortable. They walked another three blocks before spotting their building, and Bill was the one to pull out an access card to scan at the door. Their bags were already up in their house, and Eddie had even made a few comments on how he appreciated the security. Electronic locks were unheard of to Eddie until today, and he was pleased. Now, he was too exhausted to be pleased. His coffee had him buzzing, and he would force himself to stay awake until his suitcase was unpacked, but he couldn't wait to curl up in his new bed, away from his hometown for the first time in years.

"We'll have to go grocery shopping tuh-tomorrow," Bill hummed half to himself as he stepped into the elevator, clicking the button labeled with a '2'. "We won't have any fuh-fuh-food. I'll buy us breakfast in the morning."

"Thanks, Bill," Stan smiles, "We can make a meal plan, budget things out. Just to make sure we can always make rent." Eddie nodded along, and took another long sip of the minty-bitter drink in his hand.

"We should go look at the campus. I want to find out where my classes are, maybe." Eddie found himself rocking back and forth on his heels, watching the little glowing number above the elevator buttons blink from 'G' to '1' to, at last, '2'. With a ding, the doors slid open, and a dim hallway was presented to them, the lights on low now that it was just about 10:00 pm.

"I want to go see Back Cove Park at some point. The bird watching is great. They have egrets sometimes, and other birds I haven't seen yet. I always go there when I visit- it's like tradition." Stifling a yawn (not because of the bird talk- Eddie was just tired) Eddie nodded his head. In all honesty, a nature walk sounded nice. Already, he was missing the Barrens, the poor dam he remembers building with Bill ages and ages ago. "It's right on the water, so we can go fishing too, or swimming if you guys wanted to. It isn't always as warm as it is tonight, and it's only getting colder, but..." Stan shrugs. They arrive at their apartment door, number 29, and yet again Bill is the one to pull out his key and stick it into the lock, giving it a twist and pushing the door wide open. Eddie steps inside first, flicking on the light and taking in the sight of his new apartment.

The door opened up into a short hallway. To his direct right there was a door leading to a small closet. A little ways ahead, the hallway broke both left and right, the left way leading to the kitchen and living room along with the doors to the balcony and Bill's room- in turn, the right way led to the main bathroom and the two other bedrooms reserved for Eddie and Stan.

"Wuh-well, I guess this is goodnight," Bill says, shutting the door behind him and kicking off his shoes, "We all have a l-lot of unpacking to do, I'm sh-sure." Both Stan and Eddie nod in near-perfect unison.

"Goodnight, you guys. Enjoy your first sleep in our new house." Stan speaks with a grin, staring at both Eddie and Bill with that intense hazel gaze that seems to communicate the intense reality of the situation. The three men had made it out of their childhood town, and now they were living on their own. They really weren't children anymore. Along with that look in Stan's eyes came a heavy feeling of bittersweetness- Derry was gone, now, and with it, Eddie's childhood. He smiled at his two best friends, and then turned down the hallway to greet his room.

-----

"Alright, that's everything," Ben says as the doors to the cafe swing shut and he locks them tight.

"Another job well done, boy! Another fantastic job, I'd say!" Richie throws one arm over Ben's shoulders, and then the other pulls in Bev by the arm. Crushing his two buddies in a double side-hug, he speaks in his almost-perfected MovieTone Newsreel Announcer Voice, disturbing the silence of the dark Portland streets, "You're both quite the caffeine-mixin' maestros, eh? You'll do great things for this world, great things!"

"Beep-beep, Richie. I'm exhausted." Beverly was smiling, sure, but Richie really could tell that she was done with today. He let both she and Ben go, toning down his behavior and pulling out a pack of cigarettes, offering one to each along with his lighter. Ben declined as politely as possible, so Richie and Bev were left to smoke without him.

"You'll get those beers for me, won't you?" Richie asks, taking a drag and relishing in the way the smoke filled his lungs. He should probably quit sooner or later, huh? Maybe one day. "I've got the cash back home. I'll give it to you and you can just go buy whatever you want. Party booze of your choice." Ben let out a chuckle, waving a hand in front of his face to show his dislike of the cigarette smoke. Richie mumbled something akin to an apology.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get it. And don't worry about paying me back, I'll be drinking it too." Richie beamed. With a light punch to the shoulder, he turned his attention to Bev, ready to play a little bit of Cupid.

"You're coming too, right Bevvie?" He asked the question as if it were nothing, oh-so subtly bumping Ben with his elbow. Beverly shrugged.

"Probably. It's basically a sin to miss out on an infamous Tozier party, isn't it?" She placed the cigarette against her lips, and puffed out smoke right after. "What else is happening other than drinking too much and getting the Police called on us for being too loud?" Richie couldn't help but snicker at that. The Police had, on numerous occasions, been called on him for playing his music at ungodly levels, but, I mean, come on, he has fantastic taste and the world needs to know it.

"Who knows, maybe some pin the tail on the donkey? Musical chairs?" Ben and Beverly both let out a snort, the redhead spinning to face Richie with suddenly bright eyes.

"Please," She said with a wide, bright smile, "I would pay to see you get annihilated by Ben."

"Excuse me, Miss Marsh, but I pride myself on being a musical chairs master! I was unbeatable in my fifth grade class!" Placing a feign-offended hand on his chest, Richie guffawed, upturning his nose in mock disgust. Beverly was laughing now, a light and cheery sound almost like the jingling of the bell in the cafe but a little less annoying. The bell also didn't make Ben's face light up, and he didn't want to hear the bell forever.

"Probably because you were built like string cheese, Richie- No offense, of course." Beverly only laughed harder at Ben's quip, and yeah, Richie admits that it was pretty good and about 99% true.

"The best damn string cheese you've ever tasted, Haystack," Richie shot his friend a wink, lifting one foot and crushing his cigarette out on the sole of his shoe, "Now, my dearests, I must depart- nice work we did today, you two!" Richie flicked the butt away, speaking over his shoulder as he set off in the direction of home. "I'll see you both at my party!" He spins on his heel, waving Ben and Bev off with one last peace sign before continuing on into the darkness. Richie hummed a little tune to himself, a pep in his step despite his light tiredness. Oh, how he wanted to get home- the idea of cracking open a soda and sitting in front of the TV sounded pretty damn great right about now. For a Friday night the world was surprisingly quiet- the same wouldn't be said about tomorrow. Toziers were born to party. Richie's dad had thrown some ragers in his teenage days, and so had his mom- now, it was his turn to take on the family name and keep that legacy going. Other than beer he probably needed some snacks, chips or cookies or as Ben had so wonderfully suggested string cheese because who doesn't like string cheese? He made a mental note to go grocery shopping tomorrow and hoped that he didn't forget it.

Richie's apartment came into view, a pretty little six floor building made of a nice red brick. He lived on the top floor and his neighbors probably hated him for reasons that should be obvious enough but he'd yet to be kicked out which meant he still had some boundaries to push. He'd been brewing up a new party playlist for a few days now and he made yet another mental note to throw on 'Dancing Queen'. Richie's humming transformed into whistling as he pulled open the door to his building, waving to the late-night receptionist, a kind young lady who hated his guts and probably thought he was flirting with her all the time when he really didn't even swing that way.

"Good evening, m'lady," He said with a goofy, lopsided grin, earning a scowl over the top of a home-deco magazine, "Quite the swell night it is," He didn't linger long, pressing the call button for the elevator and stepping inside. He tapped '6' and waited, his spirits high, excited for tomorrow. He liked getting ready for parties. He liked the decorations he always put up, the arrangement of the snacks that he put too much thought into, and the anticipation of being the host because that always meant most eyes were on him. Up up up the elevator went, and let out a happy little ding as the doors peeled back open and he went right to his door. Richie pulled out his keys, jamming them into the doorknob and pushing the door open to reveal the space inside. "Honey, I'm home!" He called out the words, arms out at his side in a motion of grandeur. Of course, there was no response, and he kicked the door shut with his heel. Richie tossed his keys onto the little table by the door, toeing off each shoe in turn and leaving them discarded in the middle of the entryway.

"Hey there, babes," His first stop was the fish tank on the kitchen counter, packed with swimming little neon tetra and angelfish and Richie's prized bala shark he named Bella- creative, he knows- to sprinkle in some food. The little jar was just beside the aquarium, and he popped off the lid, shaking it above the open water and watching his little pals swim forth for their dinner. With his lasting grin, Richie let out a chuckle, his heart swelling at the sight of his aquatic children as he set the food back on the counter and took a step away. His own stomach let out a growl, and he realized for the first time that he hasn't eaten since after his last class, way back at 3:00. Popping open his fridge, Richie scanned it's contents- yep, he really needed to go get food tomorrow. There was next to nothing. He settled half-reluctantly on some month-old instant ramen and cooked it up with ease. Richie hadn't had instant ramen in ages, but there was a good amount of nostalgia contained within the simple dish. It had carried him through high school one plastic cup at a time, helping him fight through long nights of studying and even a nasty breakup.

The microwave let out three beeps, calling out 'Hey! I'm done, come eat me!' with each and every one. Richie ate it as he hastily cleaned up the kitchen, throwing dishes in the dishwasher and even taking the time to watch a casserole dish by hand, putting on his playlist but keeping the speakers on a low volume for the sake of his neighbors. No more than 15 minutes passed and then he was done, finally allowing himself to do what he's been anticipating all day. With a Pepsi in hand, he made the couch his home, curling up in a knitted blanket and tuning into 'Friends'. As he watched, one eye always on the TV, he snatched the black nail polish from it's spot on the coffee table and began to paint it over the chipped remnants of what was already there. At some point, after they'd dried, he ended up falling asleep on the sofa.

[diamondsandlemons]

Just finished my very slow quarantine rewatch of K-On!. Wanted to write down some of my thoughts and feelings. Several paragraphs under the cut!

I’ll get this out of the way first; the recurring “joke” where Sawako tries to get the light music club to wear sexy outfits is uhhhh terrible, borderline sexual harassment. Luckily they mostly cut that out in the 2nd season, (which is great because otherwise her relationship with them is really nice) and other than that the show is perfect in pretty much every way.

Isn’t it weird how the first season takes place across two years, but the second season (which is twice as long) takes place across only one year? No idea how they pulled that off without it feeling strange, but they totally did.

I love this show so much. It’s great as a “cute girls doing cute things” type of anime, but its also substantially different that others of that type (that I’ve seen). It feels much more real. For one thing there obviously aren't any brightly-colored anime protagonist haircuts, so I guess it is more realistic from a character design standpoint.

But also just, everything... I think the school is based on a real school building, which makes it REALLY stand out from the very generic appearance of most anime schools. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole town is based on a real place actually (if so I bet that's great for the people who live there- remembering my experience watching Steven Universe for the first time and seeing a real place I know quite well translated into animation)

But yeah, there’s just so much detail put into all the backgrounds and character animations. It’s incredibly,,, believable, I guess. It’s pretty timeless too, there’s hardly anything anchoring it a specific time period, so it can be relatable for all time (although, it is kinda funny on the rare occasion things do pop up, like when they literally use tapes to record music...)

And I was thinking about this recently, I think the opening and ending themes are somewhat unique as well. How many other animes have OPs and EDs that are rock songs actually performed by the characters? I mean, it’s catchy pop-rock, so I guess that’s probably not so uncommon (also I know nothing about music genres so this might just be entirely wrong). But I can’t think of many other examples of the characters literally performing the music. And the ending themes are like fully produced music videos! its great. Unfortunately its not diegetic; I don't think any of those songs actually exist in the lore. (and I haven't even mentioned the BGM scores... which are all perfect).

The third OP and ED are my favorite of each, btw (at least thats how I feel atm. I admit it could be because I like just finished watching the show so those are the ones I heard most recently). I love how the third opening is upbeat and energetic like the rest, but in the last 15 seconds it shifts into something slightly more melancholy. Reminding you that K-On! is approaching its end, but you should still feel happy and grateful for the time you spent with it. A nostalgic feeling.

I feel like nostalgia is an important part of the whole show’s tone, actually. (Though again I could be biased on this, I may very well just be nostalgic for when I first watched it (which was while I was in high school)). 

So much time is spent in the episodes approaching the ending focused on what’s going to come next for the Light Music Club; both the characters, who have to figure out where to go to college, and what they want to study, and the club itself, which will (hopefully) live on without them. (Azusa and Sawako-sensei will make sure of that). I can’t help but feel like that’s the point. HTT goofing off in the music room after school was never something that could’ve lasted forever, but for the time it did, it was incredibly impactful. Both the big stuff (live on-stage performances, trip abroad to England, etc.) and the little stuff (tea and cake every day, animal costumes for no reason, etc).

What K-On! is most of all is “comfortable.” That’s what lead me to turn it on again at the beginning of the pandemic, I just wanted something light and cute and comfy. It’s definetly “real” but it’s also “nostolgic.” It’s like what you remember good times feeling like. And since it’s immortalized in animation, it’ll always be that good.

Bonus thoughts:

... ... ...Hey, what happens to Ton-chan after the end of the show??? Hm. I think my headcanon is that he stays in the club room for a year, but then Azusa can’t bear to part with him when she graduates, so she takes him home.

Also its sad to think about, but HTT probably wont keep in touch with Sawako in the long run. I mean, I had some very formative teachers who I liked a lot, but I don’t ever talk to them. or event think about them most of the time. She’ll be fine though, she’ll have the future of the club to worry about. New students constantly cycling in and out with the years. Hopefully.

Mugi is definetly a lesbian, and I greatly appreciate that. (the others are less cut and dry but I’m gonna throw out some guesses. Ritsu is bi preferring men. Mio is ace. Azusa’s also a lesbian. Sawako is bi but she needs to keep a lid on it around high schoolers, as I already mentioned. Yui, I have absolutely no fucking clue)

These girls spend a lot of time at McDonalds.

(I haven’t actually rewatched the movie yet. I plan to do that within the next few days, then after that I may or may not come back to this post and add something, if I have anything new to add! edit: seen the movie, it’s great, better than I remembered actually. but other than that I don’t have much to say. Please go watch k-on if you haven’t already!)

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 14

Warnings: possible body dysmorphia, mentions of past trauma and abuse

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @tragiclyhip​

Author’s Note: I have a serious case of extremely low self esteem (thanks anon hate!) and I can’t promise when the next chapter will be out. I’m hoping within the next few days. Fingers crossed!  So I’d post the one I was holding ‘hostage’. 

“I’m not too sure about this, Des,” Esme grumbles from behind a change room door in Bloomingdales.

It’s the last stop of the afternoon before a well deserved lunch; highly praised Thai food at a restaurant near Rockefeller that Desi had to book weeks in advance. It’s been years since she’d been THAT engrossed in a shopping trip; her feet aching and her cheeks hurting from laughing so much and dozens of bags in her possession. For twelve years she’s been caught up in her role as a mother; putting her own needs and wants on the back burner in favour of always making sure the kids never went without. Even with a ridiculous amount of money in the bank, she’d never concentrated on herself; perfectly content with her quiet and unassuming life in Australia, living rather simply and not needing much more than shorts, t-shirts, a small selection of bathing suits and a handful of jeans. It feels strange to be out in something other than her normal and preferred attire; used to choosing comfort over actual style and doing little more than throwing her hair up into a ponytail or messy bun. It had been nice to experience all of that again and had found herself most missing those younger days. When she’d pass the time with hours of window shopping and mindless browsing; daydreaming about all of the designer clothes and shoes and handbags she’d one day purchase if she ever won the lottery. But back then, it had been just that: daydreaming. And she can’t help but feel slightly guilty for splurging and buying things just for the sake of having them; outfits she may likely never wear and will hang in the closet with their original price tags still attached.

It’s hard to break free of that line of thinking; easily remembering the hard times when there’d been hardly any food in the cupboards and there’d been real worry about whether the utilities would be shut off or not. When Millie was still growing inside of her and she’d been trying to adjust to her new life in a new country; living with a man she barely knew but she already was already falling madly and crazily in love with. Materialistic things have never truly mattered; never heartbroken when she couldn’t afford brand new clothes or when their little apartment was filled with mismatched second hand furniture. Despite the financial concerns, they’d been truly happy. Engrossed in a ‘honeymoon stage’ of unbridled passion and lust; finding themselves thoroughly exploring and enjoying one another’s bodies while getting to know each other. It hadn’t been the most conventional of lifestyles; two broken people finding solace and healing in one another in Dhaka, an unplanned pregnancy, and quick and hasty cohabitation. And there’d been hard times; little quirks and hangs up the other had that annoyed them, heated arguments over stupid things, lingering trauma and plenty of nightmares thanks to their harrowing experience in Bangladesh. But somehow they’d made it work; a temperamental and moody Australian and a feisty and over emotional American. Falling in love despite their often enormous differences and making something so beautiful and lasting out of almost nothing.

“I don't know if this dress is my thing,” she frets, and smooths her hands down the side of the ridiculously expensive dress. It’s far more than she’d ever imagined paying for a single piece of clothing; immediately checking the price tag and having a small coronary when Desi had shoved the garment in her direction. Money is of no concern; in a thousand lifetimes the personal bank account will never run dry, nor will there never be a steady flow of impressive income coming in. But it just isn’t who she is; a woman with her wardrobe filled with designer apparel, far more comfortable in sweats from Target and one of her husband’s ratty t-shirts. “I’m just not too sure about it.”

“What is there NOT to be sure about?” Her friend’s voice filters in from the waiting area. “It’s Herve Leger. One of his best pieces yet. And it’s fabulous and it will look even more fabulous on you.”

“It’s too short,” she laments, and tries in vain to pull the hem down closer to her knees. “I don’t have the legs for this.”

“You don’t need legs for days to slay in that dress. And Big E, I’ve seen you in shorts. I know you’ve got killer stems. You can definitely pull this off. You’re worrying over nothing.”

“But it’s too tight. Way too tight.”

Desi sighs in exasperation. “It’s supposed to be tight. It’s a bandage dress.”

“It shows my rolls.”

“Excuse you? WHAT roles? Like you have rolls. Bitch, please.”

“I’ve had seven kids. Believe me, I have rolls. I’m twenty pounds heavier than when I first met Tyler. Twenty-two, actually.”

“And does he give a shit? No. I bet he likes the curves. I don’t see him complaining. Or looking at other women. He only has eyes for you.”

“Most biased man on earth,” she mutters, and studies her form from all sides. Easily remembering what her body had looked like almost thirteen years ago; thin and toned and extremely fit. A far cry from the ‘softness’ she possesses now; dips and valleys and curves where none had ever existed before.

“Isn’t his opinion the only one that really matters? Doesn’t he find you a straight up hottie?”

“That is not the point. He could be just trying to spare my feelings, you know.”

Desi gives a derisive snort. “Isn’t he still tripping over himself trying to get into her pants every available chance he gets? Quit your bitching. You’ve got a beautiful man that worships at the temple of YOU. Now get out here and let me see you.”

“Rolls, Desi. I have rolls.”

“Bullshit. And even if you did, that dress is like a corset. All the different bands built in? They hold everything. And I doubt you have anything to hold in the first place. Don’t make me break down the door and drag you out here. I am not above creating a scene. You should know this by now.”

“Don’t you dare go full queen diva on me.”

“Oh, I will. I will kick that door in and drag your tiny ass on out here for the world to see. Desmond Brownell does not play games. He’s on a mission. And his mission is to see you in that Herve Leger. Don’t make me pull a mommy move. Don’t make me count to three.”

“I tend to go with five, but…”

“Five then. Don’t make me go that direction. Because it will not end well for you. Or me. There’ll be tears. And not on my part. And most likely security guards tossing us both out on our asses. So we do this either the easy way or the hard way. And believe me, you don’t want the hard way.”

Sighing heavily, she smooths down the back and sides of the dress and once more tries to pull the bottom closer to her knees. To no avail. It is so far out of her comfort zone; a woman that insists on always covering her bathing suit with a t-shirt and refuses to remove it. “I am going to sneak into your house at night and kill you in your sleep,” she declares, as she undoes the hook latch on the door and swings it open. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. Keep your eyes closed. Until I tell you to open them.”

“I can’t believe YOU don’t realize that you’re a bonafide MILF. Even if it’s not for you, how bad could it be?”

“Ever seen a sausage when you try and stuff too much into the casing?”

“Have you ever talked to a shrink? You do not look the way you think you look. What DO you see when you look in the damn mirror?”

“I see gray hair, wrinkles, and stretch marks. I see frumpy and plain and boring and just…” sighing, she steps into the middle of the waiting area and frowns at her reflection being cast in several different mirrors. “...old. I see old.”

“I think you’ve done lost your damn mind. Shred brains cell with every baby you had. Because you sure as hell don’t look old. Not even close. Can I look yet?”

“Do you want to be traumatized?”

“Do you WANT me to beat your ass? Tell on you? I’ll tell your hubby. Don’t underestimate me. Then both of us will get on your ass and then what?”

“He’s hardly a good judge. He’d tell me I look good in a garbage bag. He is proof that love IS blind.”

“He is proof that there’s good men out there. Good loyal, faithful men. That love every inch of their woman. Inside and out. You know how lucky you are? To have someone like that? Do you see anyone strong enough to drag him off? I’m sure he’s had plenty of opportunities.”

“If the thirsty housewives back home and the new neighbour had their way, he’d be getting all kinds of ass. All kinds of variety.”

“What new neighbour?”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you over lunch. But yeah, he’s got a harem of women that would love for him to be tapping it.”

“But he loves tapping YOUR ass. And only your ass. Does he have a brother? Have I ever asked that? A gay brother by chance? Or a gay friend? Bi friend? Help me out here.”

“No brothers. No siblings at all. No gay friends. Not that I know of. But you know who WOULD have a gay friend? My sister in law.”

“I thought he didn’t have siblings?”

“Not Tyler. My sister’s wife. Shaena. She’d for sure have gay friends. And hot ones. You’ve met her.”

“Both her and your sister are fine as hell. I wouldn’t mind getting in the middle of THAT. Hook a brother up. Make it happen. I’ll be at your little Aussie Christmas. Score me a date for then. In the meantime, can I open my eyes now? Don’t leave a brother hanging.”

“As long as you promise you won’t laugh.”

“I am calling you a psychiatrist. You need help.”

“Fine,” she turns her back towards her friends, hands perched upon her hips. “ Look. But no smart ass comments and no laughing. My confidence can’t take it.”

“Your confidence needs a serious makeover. Now let me see.”

She watches through the mirror as his eyes flutter opening; slowly widening as far as they possibly can, followed by a dramatic collapse back into his seat and a hand placed over his heart.

“Fuck…” she grimaces. “...that bad?”

“That bad? That GOOD. Desmond Brownell approves. You look…” he gives two chef’s kisses. “...delicious. I’d bang you. And I have high standards.”

“I’ve seen some of your dates. Your standards are questionable at best.”

“You wound me, Big E. Mortally wound me. That…” he nods in her direction. “...was made for you. Your body is tighter and hotter than you obviously realize. Curves like a back road. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that.”

“You don’t think it’s too much? Or should I say, too little? I am forty-one.”

“Who gives a shit? You look amazing.”

“I’ve had seven kids.”

“Especially amazing for someone that’s popped out that many crotch goblins. Sold. The dress is sold. This isn’t up for debate.”

“I can’t buy something like this. It’s just...not me.”

“It damn well is YOU. I’ll buy it for you. A little extra Christmas gift.”

“A thousand dollar dress is hardly a little Christmas gift. And it’s a little pricey, don’t you think? For fabric?”

“Honey, you really need to get out of Target and up your shopping game. I know how much money you all have, I know you can afford it. I know you could probably afford this whole store. And then some.”

“It isn’t about money. It’s about me. And being out of my comfort zone. I don’t dress like this. I live on the beach. In Australia. We wear shorts and tanks and never wear shoes. Where the hell would I wear this?”

“Date night.”

“Like we have places I could wear this to. I mean, I guess we could go to Cairns. I’ve seen women in some pretty expensive clothes there. I could always talk him into a weekend away. It wouldn’t be hard. And we are going to Santorini in April.”

“That’d be perfect for Santorini. Hell, just wear it in the house. In the bedroom. Just to spice things up a bit. I’m sure he doesn’t see you dressed up very often.”

“Try like never,” Esme laughs. “Okay, maybe that’s a lie. I DO wear makeup when we go out. And cute little sundresses.”

“What about when you got married?”

“I wore something off the clearance rack at a bridal store in Sydney. Cost a hundred bucks. It was nothing fancy.”

“But you wore a little tiara and veil and all that, right?”

“It wasn’t that kind of wedding. I was five months pregnant with Millie. It was a little wedding chapel. We had six guests. It wasn’t fancy.”

“E, you’ve been robbed. You need that bride moment. What about the first time?”

“Las Vegas. Even more casual. Zero out of five stars. Would not recommend.”

“Oh no, honey. No. That’s wrong. So wrong. You deserve so much better. You deserve a big day. You deserve to be a bride. A REAL bride. Poofy white dress, little bling in your hair, fancy little shoes…”

“Seven kids and I’m going to wear white? I think not.”

“I’m having a serious talk with that man of yours. Vow renewals are a thing you know.”

“He’s brought it up. A couple of times. Which is weird, because I never thought he’d ever think of something like that. This is Tyler we’re talking about. This is a man that can kill people with his bare hands. Who has his own brand of romance. Which I love, by the way. But it’s very odd he’d bring up something like that. Getting married again.”

“Maybe he wants to see you all done up. Looking like a bride.”

“Trust me, Des. Tyler doesn’t care about that stuff. That isn’t him.”

“Maybe he’s come to care about that stuff. Maybe he’s getting a softer side to him. Or, his soft side is getting even more soft.”

“Don’t ever tell him that. He’d kill YOU with his bare hands. Do you really think I should get this dress?”

“I think you’d be stupid not to. And you, are NOT a stupid woman. Treat yourself. You deserve it.”

“You know what? I do. I DO deserve it. And I think he’ll really like it. Maybe I’ll even give him a little sneak peek later. You know, to judge his reaction to it.”

“Oh I think I know what his reaction is going to be. Don’t wear any underwear. Just let him yank the dress up and have his way with you.”

“Maybe you know him better than I realize,” Esme laughs. “Fine. I’ll buy it. But if he hates it, I am totally throwing you under the bus.”

“Alright...alright…” Desi holds his hands up in surrender. “...I’ll take one for the team. Now get your little ass in there and get changed. This big man needs to eat.”

*****

“So this neighbour you mentioned,” Desi says, as he nods his appreciation at the hostess who seats them at their table, then gallantly pulls Esme’s chair out and waits for her to sit. “What’s that about?”

She rolls her eyes. “Natalie. She just moved in a few doors down. Her and her little girl.”

“Are you talking about the blond that has the goddamn gall to wear real fur?” Desi slides into the seat across from her. “The one that needs a chisel to take off her makeup at the end of the night?”

“That’s her. The one who looks like Sephora threw up on her face. Too bad you can’t apply makeup on the inside to make something more attractive. Because she is a real peach.”

“Bottle of your best house red,” Desi requests, and then flips open the leather bound menu placed in front of him. “How’d you meet her?”

“Well, it turns out she doesn’t just have the gall to wear real fur. She also has the gall to go after married men. And in this case, MY man.”

“Uh oh. Something tells me this didn’t end well.”

“I’m very protective of what’s mine. Maybe some people would call it possessive.”

“I definitely would call it that. Not that I blame you. I’d be the same way. Hell, I’d probably never let him leave the damn house.”

“I know what a good thing I have. I know how hot my husband is. I’ve seen him naked. Many times. What’s underneath? Even better than what’s on top. And what’s on top? That’s really damn good, know what I mean?”

“I know what you mean. And I’m just saying, I wouldn’t protest if you sent me nudes of him. Our little secret.”

“My husband IS hot. And he’s beautiful and he’s amazing and he’s this walking study in masculinity. But he’s just that. MY husband. I don’t share. With anyone.”

“Tell me about it. I’ve spent three years begging you just to let me cop a feel.”

“So I don’t appreciate some thirsty female from five doors down, honing in my territory. No one is pissing in my front yard. No one. And it’s not just that I’m possessive and there’s no way in hell I’m sharing great dick, but Tyler isn’t like that. He doesn’t do shit like that. He is a lot of things, but a cheater is not one of them. That is one thing I’ve never had to worry about. He is loyal. Fiercely loyal. And he’s had his chances. If he wanted to stray, he would have. Easily.”

“Never struck me as the type who would. He’s way too in love with you. Way too faithful. I see the way he looks at you. Stars and hearts in his eyes. He definitely thinks rainbows and butterflies fly out your ass. So this Natalie…”

“They met at the park. He took Tanner there; after their morning out. And this Natalie was there. Tyler made small talk. And small talk is even exaggerating. Tyler doesn’t do small talk. Any talk, for that matter.”

Desi nods in agreement. “Took me damn near a whole weekend just to get him to say two words. That voice though? Woody. Instant.”

“Well I guess Natalie took his small talk for something else entirely. Which I don’t get, because Tyler is civil, at best. He’s just not a people person. He tries. But you know what he’s like. How he comes across. He’s very rough around the edges and doesn’t take shit and doesn’t care for formalities. He’s a man of very few words. Whatever words he said, she read way too much into. She showed up at the house. Looking for him.”

Desi looks up from his menu, a scowl forming on his face. “She did not.”

“Oh, she very much did. And get this. She made him cookies.”

“What kind of cookies?”

Esme stares at him pointedly.

“I like details. I’m detail oriented. I can’t help it.”

“Oatmeal raisin.”

“The most traitorous cookie out of them all. For shame. I’m disappointed. If you want a man to climb in your bed, you don’t lead with oatmeal raisin. Please tell me your man don’t like that shit.”

“Rest assured, he hates them and your opinion and lust for him can stay intact. But you can believe that? She came calling on my husband. She brought him cookies. And I’m pretty sure if he’d been home, she would have offered him HER cookie.”

“Probably just as nasty as the ones she makes. Probably got cobwebs and dust bunnies and all that shit. Maybe even a barbed wire fence blocking the entrance. So what happened?”

“Well, she got the cold shoulder and snarkiness from Millie first.”

“That’s my girl.”

“And then I talked to her and she was bitchy and off hand and she’s lucky I didn’t throat punch her. She had all kinds of snarky things to say. About my name, about my appearance, about having so many kids. I let her know that I wasn’t having any of her shit. That I was onto her. I told her I didn’t know what kind of married men she was used to, but my husband isn’t one of them. That he wasn’t...and never would be...interested.”

“And?”

“And she left. We fed the cookies to the dogs. Or tried to. Even they didn’t like them. Man’s best friend, indeed.”

A waitress brings the wine; cheerfully introducing herself before taking their orders. Desi waits until she leaves before uncorking the bottle and filling both glasses. Offering a toast to a warm and safe Christmas holiday and the perks and perils of love and friendships. And they’re in the middle of sharing stories of his last trip to Australia -his encounters with the both the ‘friendly neighbourhood Aussies’ and the wildlife that so freely roams and enjoys their stretch of land- when her cell phone loudly vibrates within the confines of her purse. Had Tyler not been out with all of the children and it not been a common thing to often run into some kind of issues with handling so many bodies, she would have just ignored it. And she wishes she had; frowning at the number splashed across the screen and then dropping the phone back into her bag.

“Your mom again?”

Nodding, she takes a swallow of wine. “Third time already today. Only four or five more to go. Maybe she’ll even make it an even dozen before sundown.”

“Can she not read the signs? It’s quite obvious you don’t want to speak to her. What’s her issue?”

“It’s probably easier to ask ‘what isn’t her issue?’. There’s many. So very, very, VERY many.”

“I already know about what she was like you when were growing up. I’m surprised you turned out as normal and sane as you are. It’s more than that?”

“So much more, Des. Where do you want me to start?”

“Start with the biggest one. Or most recent.”

“She hates Tyler. With the passion of a thousand fiery suns. The seventh layer of hell? I don’t think that even burns as hot as her hate for him.”

“Why? He’s a good guy. Treats you right, loves his kids. Will fight like hell to protect what’s us. Die for it, even. What’s to hate?”

“So you know how Tyler and I met. The whole ‘pretend husband and wife’ thing.”

“Yeah, to find Ovi and save him. What about it?”

“Well you also know what happened. During those five days in Dhaka. Between Tyler and I. Believe me when I say that I’m not normally like that. Spend nearly a week banging a guy I barely know. Unprotected, at that. And at the risk of too much information, Tyler was only the third guy I’d ever been with. Sexually speaking. So what happened between us? Totally uncharacteristic for me. It was unconventional. How we met. But, it worked out. We wanted more. We wanted to get to know each other. See if we could make something out of nothing. And we did. We made a life. A beautiful life. And seven little human beings.”

“And she’s got a problem with that because…?”

“After what happened on the bridge, I decided to stay. At the hospital he was flown to in Mumbai. It was touch and go and he didn’t have anyone else and if he wasn’t going to make it, I didn’t want him to be alone. He deserved better than that. And a week later they brought him out of the medically induced coma and he was breathing on his own and he woke up and he was so happy to see me. You should have seen how he smiled at me, Des. He has a beautiful smile. But that? That smile he gave when he realized I was real and I was actually sitting there? By his bed? I had never seen anything like that and I’ve never seen anything like it since. He was happy and relieved and he wanted me there. He even said he was scared to close his eyes at night because he was afraid I wouldn’t be there when he woke up.”

“He was already head over heels for ya. Guess that was his way of telling you.”

“When the hospital said they were shipping him to another back in Australia, he asked if I would go with him. By then I was already invested. I mean, it was three weeks later and I’d already spent time helping him feed himself and getting him on his feet and to the bathroom and taking him to in-patient physio and all of that. I was already in love with him. Of course I was going to Australia. It was never in doubt.”

“And let me guess, it ruffled your mother’s feathers.”

Nodding, Esme takes a long sip of wine. “She wasn’t in control. Of me. And she couldn’t stand it. Neither she or my brothers no longer had in any say in how I was going to live my life. The Esme they knew? She died on that bridge. Or maybe she was left behind. I had a chance. To make a new life for myself. And I took it. I went to Australia and I decided that was where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with HIM. So I took what money we had and I got us an apartment and he put me in charge of handling everything; medical decisions, financial stuff. And then, I found out I was having Millie. Which, to be honest, wasn’t a huge surprise because what do you expect when you spend five days having totally unprotected sex? And I told Tyler and I gave him a choice. If he didn’t want me or the baby, I’d walk away and I’d go home and I’d never contact him again. I told him I didn’t expect anything from him. And I didn’t want him feeling obligated to me or the baby.”

“That must have went over well.”

“Well, needless to say, he wanted the baby. And me. So I stuck around. I was by his side through his whole hospital stay and through all the therapy and his stint in rehab and then we settled down in our new life. And we got married and had Millie. My family? They couldn’t stand it. They couldn’t accept it. They couldn’t accept HIM.”

“All because you decided to make a new life for yourself?”

“That was it. Tyler became public enemy number one. My mom convinced everyone that he stole me away. That he was manipulative and abusive and that I was scared to leave him.”

“Jesus Christ…”

“Right? Tyler is so far from manipulative or abusive. He lived that life. He was on the receiving end of that. And he’s tried his hardest not to walk in his father’s footsteps. And believe me, he’s nothing like his old man. Not in the slightest. But no matter how much or how hard I argue, she doesn’t listen to me. She sees him as this horrible person. That took her baby girl away. And when he had the nerve to stick up for me? Against her and my brothers? That made things worse! You think they would have been happy. I found this amazing man who’s totally in love with me; who sees past all my bullshit and my ugly parts. That should have been enough for them. A guy that’s made me the centre of his universe. Who makes me happy and who I love more than I ever thought I COULD love someone. Who helped me make seven incredible little human beings. Why isn’t any of that enough?”

“I don’t know,” Desi says. “I wish I did. I wish I had the answers. ALL the answers.”

“Yet they practically idolize Mark. It makes no sense. They knew what he was like. They knew he was abusive. And they enabled him. They gaslighted me just as much as he did. And I would have left a thousand times over had they not constantly pressured me into giving him another chance. Had they not convinced me that everything was my fault. My mom stayed friends with him. Right up until he died. What kind of sick person does that? Stays friends with their own kid’s abuser?”

“You hit the nail on the head. A sick one.”

“Constantly kissing his ass and making him out to be some kind of white knight yet having all this shit to say about Tyler. They hate him because he refuses to be like them. Because he stands up to them. Because for once, someone loves me enough to have my back. That’s it. That’s why they hate him. And the things they’ve said? Especially since finding out he’s a mercenary? Constantly wishing death on him? Saying him dying would be the best thing to happen to me and the kids? Who says things like that? I almost lost Addie because of her. I came back from Ireland because I found out I was pregnant and my mom got on her bullshit and I almost lost my baby. Tyler came all the way back just to make sure I was okay. He wouldn’t have done it if he’s even a fraction as evil as they claim he is.”

“You realize it that isn’t really about him, right? That it’s all them. Because they don’t have that control. Over you.”

“I thought it would be all over and done with when we kicked my brother to the curb. I thought once he and Tyler had it out and Tyler kicked the shit out of him, that would be it. That we’d never hear from any of them again. You know how peaceful it’s been? Five years of no phone calls, no text messages, no emails. Five years of pure bliss. And now this…” she nods down at the purse sitting in her lap. “...her on my ass every day, multiple times a day. Isn’t it enough that I acknowledge that the kids received their Christmas gifts? That I showed appreciation and I said they’d send thank you cards? You think that would be enough. Our lives have been so good. Quiet and happy and peaceful. And it’s like she knows that. It’s like she knows how good things are and just has to screw it all up.”

“Normally I say just ignore them. Just wash toxic people out of your life and keep them out of your life. But if she’s as determined as she is, it’s only going to get worse. She won’t stop trying to get a hold of you. And as hard as it’ll be to talk to her, that might be the only way to get her to stop. Let her know. Say ‘thanks, but no thanks’.”

“I can not allow her back into my life. OUR lives. I can’t allow any of them back in. I will NOT have my kids surrounded by that ugliness. I will not have people around them that talk shit about their father. Because you know what? I know he’s not perfect. I know he has his issues. He’s the first one to admit it. But he is an amazing dad and he is totally devoted to those kids and they love him beyond all comprehension. And I won’t allow people to talk about him like that. I won’t allow them to break my kids’ hearts…” her voice cracks with emotion, and she takes a swallow of wine to clear away the lump sitting square in her throat. “....I won’t let anyone talk about Tyler like that. He’s not a perfect man, but he’s a good man. And he loves me and he loves his kids. He saved me, Des. In every way a person can be saved. And I won’t let anyone disrespect him like that.”

“Tell them that. Tell them EXACTLY that.”

“I have. I have said it until I was practically blue in the face. They don’t care. They say I’m ‘defending my abuser’. In what alternate universe is he considered an abuser? He has never...ever...raised a hand to me. He’s always said he’d kill himself before he ever let things get that out of control. That he’d never be able to live with himself if he even thought about hurting me like that. And maybe in a way, I DO understand some of the way they think. He’s lived a hard life. A violent life. First the military, then as a mercenary. Yes, he’s killed people. With his bare hands. But he’s never done it because he wanted to. Or because he enjoyed it. He did it because he HAD to. Because it was either him or them. He is not a monster. Regardless of what they think. Or even he thinks sometimes.”

“You’ve never been scared of him?”

“Never. And you know what? If he WANTED to, he could do some serious damage to me. He could kill me. No question about it. But that thought has never, ever crossed my mind. I’ve never been afraid of him. Not even at his worst. When he went back to drinking all the time and abusing the pain meds and we fought constantly. And yeah, there were times he DID lose it. Where he put a fist through the wall or grabbed me trying to stop me from walking away or trying to calm me down and talk some sense into me. But I’ve never been scared of him. Because even at his worst, I knew he loved me. I knew none of his issues were about me. That was him and his brain and not knowing how to cope. And they just don’t get it. They think he’s somehow frightened me into sticking around. That he’s been forcing me to have children. Because it somehow keeps me around.”

“Sounds more like they have the issues. Not you guys.” Desi reaches for the bottle of wine, refilling both their glasses.

“We’re not perfect. And Lord knows we have had some really shitty times. Where we didn’t think we were going to make it. But you know what? We did. We fixed our shit and we made things work. We both busted our asses to change. And he still busts his ass every day to make up for all the bad. We work at it, Des. Every day we work at it. Because we love each other and we both know what it's like to be from a broken home. And we won’t do that to our kids. We won’t let them grow up like that. So we work at it. And it hasn’t been easy. But there’s been more great times than bad times.”

“You two are strong. What you got is strong. No one can deny that. I’ve seen it. With my own two eyes.”

“I will not let my family ruin us. They tried. And in Colorado, they almost succeeded. But we got away. We moved back home. Our REAL home. And we never looked back. I won’t let them destroy things for us. Not when we’ve worked so hard to get where we are.”

“You’re going to have to deal with her, Esme. She isn’t going to go away. Not from what I’ve seen.”

“And I will. I WILL talk to her. After Christmas. I just want to get through the holiday. I just want things to be happy and peaceful. Especially for the kids. I don’t want anyone ruining Christmas for them. Once it’s over and things calm down, I WILL talk to her. But right now? I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

“It’s all going to be alright,” Desi assures her, and reaches across the table to give her hand a comforting squeeze. “Everything’s going to work out.”

“Tyler isn’t perfect. He’s the first one to admit that. In the same way I’m not. But you know what? We’re perfect for each other. And in the end, that’s all that matters.”

*****

When she arrives home she finds the three littlest fast asleep; tightly snuggled together on the area rug in front of the Christmas tree and covered by the knitted throw usually draped over the back of the sofa. Saju and Mac nap close by; curled up together in front of the front of the fireplace and merely blinking their eyes in a form of acknowledging her presence. She can hear Millie and Alannah upstairs; giggling and chattering, their feet stomping overhead as they play a dance game on the XBox. The three oldest boys are out in the backyard; laughter drifting inside as they hide behind ‘fortress’ walls and lob snowballs at one another. It's rare to see the three of them enjoying time together. Tanner normally not comfortable with the more raucous play and choosing quiet time; up in his room reading a book or writing stories or building intricate lego scenes in front of the fireplace.

She stands in the sunroom and watches them; smiling at how jovial and lighthearted they are. Their faces bright and happy; no cares in the world aside from the balls of snow and ice being tossed in their direction. Despite everything they’d been through, they’re spirits so brilliant and bubbly, continuing to love the world and everyone in it. Tanner and TJ (along with Millie) are able to remember the more difficult times in Colorado and being whisked to Mumbai under false pretenses; told they were going on a family vacation only to be sent back to Australia without either parent and then told their father very well might never come home. They still talk about it from time to time; how scary it had been to be away from both mom AND dad and how worried they’d been when they thought their daddy may never make it back to them. They’re able to vividly recall visiting him in the hospital; the scars and bruises on his face that had been in various stages of healing, the sling keeping his badly wounded and surgically repaired shoulder in place, the ‘cage’ that had encased his right thigh, the tremendous amount of weight and muscle he had lost. It HAD been traumatic; more than two months without their father under the same roof and seeing him so wounded and vulnerable.

They’d needed their own therapy; the trauma manifesting itself through moments of rage and aggression and troubles sleeping at night. A child psychologist recommended to them by Doctor Klein had done them all a world of good; disguising therapy with music and play and helping them express their emotions and their fears. And within six months they were back to their old selves; grades climbing and their social skills improving, the rage and aggression diminishing. It still haunts them from time to time; a fear that returns whenever daddy has to leave home for work. But for the most part they’ve healed exceptionally well; full of energy and light and humour and possessing enormous amounts of compassion and empathy.

She finds Tyler in the main floor office; a central area of the main floor that had been the previous owner’s sewing and craft room. It’s close enough to keep an ear out for the kids; able to hear them both inside and out. And a security system enables him to keep an eye on any area of the house; live images cast back to the flat screen television mounted on the wall above the desk. Five years years ago she would have called him paranoid for insisting on such measures. Overprotective, even. But that was until someone had gotten close enough to Addie to steal a stuffed animal right out of her crib. Had the culprit wanted her, she would have been long gone in the middle of the night. And they most likely never would have seen her again. The terror of that night is still very real; the thought of someone reaching across her tiny body to take something so simple in the course of sending a very clear message.

After that, Esme had vowed to never call him paranoid or overprotective again. Evil had gotten too close. WAY too close. And she now understands his fierce and rabid determination to do whatever it takes to keep his family safe.

She watches him from the doorway; intently working at the computer. Admiring the glasses perched upon his face and the lines of his profile; the strong, stubbled jaw and the curve of his lips and the bump in the bridge of his nose. The scars that had long ago become part of him. Marring the left side of his forehead and by his left eye; old wounds that he’d possessed when they’d first met. A handful of others have been added since then. The edge of a metal shovel cutting wide and deep; the scar travelling from the very corner of his right eye and up his forehead and snaking up into his hairline. And the ones left behind from Nathan. The one above his eyebrow thin and faint, the one below his eye much wider and jagged and stretching all the way to his temple. That one had been the worst; deep enough for the knife blade to hit bone and cause irreparable damage to nerves and muscle. And while most would see them as blemishes and flaws, she sees it as adding to his beauty; souvenirs of not only a hard and dangerous life, but of survival.

“Hey,” she greets as she wanders into the room. “What’cha doing, handsome?”

“Just some shit that came up. I would have ignored it, but…”

She stands at the back of his chair. Fingers and thumbs rubbing at tense shoulder muscles before wrapping both arms around his neck; leaning over him and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, followed by his temple. “Everything alright?”

“Koen ran into some issues. On the job he took. Not going as smooth as we’d hoped it would. Just had to send him some extra cash. And put him in contact with someone who could get him some extra gear.”

“He’s alright though? He’s not in any trouble?”

“He’s fine. Nothing he can’t handle. I know I said I wouldn’t bother with work stuff until we go back home, but…”

“Sometimes it can’t be helped. It’s the nature of the beast. It isn't the most predictable of careers. I’m glad to see you survived your day out with the spawn. Is your sanity still intact?”

“What was left of it. I don’t know how much I had to begin with.”

“I also noticed all seven AND Alannah made it back. Success.”

“They were good. No trouble. They all behaved themselves. Shockingly.”

“Your feral offspring all behaving at once? Hell must have frozen over.”

He gives a small chuckle, then turns his face into her and presses a chaste kiss to her lips. A frown tugging at the corners of his mouth as he pulls back to look at her.

“What’s that look for?”

“Why do you still have your hat on? It’s fucking boiling in here.”

“It’s part of my surprise. I have something to show you.”

“Yeah?” A slow grin begins to spread across his face. “I’ve already seen you naked. Many times. Not that it’s not awesome each time it happens. I’m not complaining.”

“As much as I’d love to just drop my clothes right here and rock your world, it’s something else. I did something. While I was out.”

“New ink?”

“Nope.”

“You got something pierced, didn’t you. Something naughty. Something very naughty.”

“You wish. Those days are long behind me. But it is a surprise. And I want you to promise you won’t freak out. When you see it.”

“How bad is it? Usually when you tell me not to freak out, it’s pretty fucking bad.”

“It’s not bad. It’s just...surprising. You ready?”

“Is it a good thing I’m already sitting down?”

“It’s probably for the best. Turn your chair towards me and close your eyes.”

“Esme…”

“Tyler…”

“What the hell have you done?”

“Just do it. Humour me. Please.”

“Fine.” Turning his back towards the computer, he closes his eyes. “This isn’t where you tell me you want to try pegging is it? Because I thought I’ve already made it perfectly clear that there is no fucking chance of that happening. EVER.”

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s nothing sexual. Get your mind out the gutter, sheesh.”

“I’m sorry, have we met? It permanently lives in the gutter.”

“Never mind viagra. Maybe they can give you something to calm your dick down.”

“You’d miss it. Don’t deny it. It would hurt you just as much as it would hurt me. Are we going to do this surprise sometime today or…?”

Removing the knit beanie from her head, she tosses it out the desk and then runs her fingers through her hair. She feels naked and exposed; the dark tresses that had once reached the middle of her back now shorn and styled into a side parted, sleek bob that skims her earlobes. “Promise you won’t freak out.”

“I promise I won’t lose my shit.”

“Okay...open them...but remember, no freaking out.”

“I don’t know what the big deal is. If it’s nothing dirty or kinky or piercing of some kind…” His eyes flutter open, then slowly widen as the reality of what’s before him sets in.

“You hate it don’t you.”

“I don’t hate it. I just...wow...that’s...NOT what I was expecting.”

“You do, don’t you. Hate it. I knew you would. You always hate when I do something with my hair. Like when I decided to get bangs.”

“In all fairness, I didn’t hate them. I just wasn’t a fan.”

“But you HATE this? This haircut. You hate it being so short, don’t you.”

“Actually…” he slides the chair closer to her and lays his hands on her hips. “...I love it.”

“Yeah?” A smile replaces the nervous frown. “Really?”

“Really. I wouldn’t lie to you, Me. That’s not who I am. Not anymore, anyway.”

“You sure you like it? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

“I think you look beautiful. It suits you. You got this cute, tiny little face. Your hair shows it off. I really do love it. You look amazing.”

Placing her hands on the sides of his face, she leans down to kiss him. “It was time for a change. Something different. Something I didn’t have to spend hours on when we go out. You’re sure? One hundred percent? You really do love it?”

“I do. You look beautiful.” Laying a palm on the back of her head, he pulls her down into a kiss. And she laughs into his mouth when his free hand latches onto her hip and she loses her balance and topples into him. “You’re beautiful, Me. Always.”

“I really was worried you wouldn’t like it,” she says, as she settles herself sideways on his thighs. “So you’ve made my day. My year, actually.”

“It suits you. You look amazing, baby. I wouldn’t lie about that.”

“Speaking of making my year, I’m about to make yours.”

“We’re talking about butt stuff, aren’t we.”

“No!” she laughs, and playfully tousles his hair. “I mean, maybe later. When the kids are out.”

“Where are they going? You banishing them to the backyard?”

“Desi offered to take them.”

“All of them?”

“Every last one. Even Alannah. He’s going to take them out for dinner and to Central Park. To see Santa and the reindeer. Maybe do some skating. And then, he’s going to take them to his place. They’re going to have a camp out. In the living room.”

“So we get the house to ourselves? All night?”

“All night,” she confirms. “And well into the morning. You know what that means?”

“Butt stuff.”

She sighs in exasperation. “I means you don’t have to wait until New Years Eve for wild and crazy AND noisy sex with your wife.”

“We might have to tone down the noise. The kids will be right next door. They could still hear us.”

“That’s a fair point. So noisy is out. But wild and crazy are definitely in.”

Tyler grins. “I can do wild and crazy.”

“Oh, I know you can. You’re a master at it. A master at anything sexual, now that I think about it. Man, did I ever luck out. Landing you.”

“I don’t know, I think I’m the lucky one. Girl like you putting up with my shit? You’re one in a million, babe. No doubt about it.”

“I love you,” she says, pressing a kiss to his ear and then nuzzling his temple with the tip of her nose. “More than you could ever know. And thank you. For being you. And for loving me the way you do.”

Smiling, he turns his face into hers and places his lips to her brow; a hand coming up to comb through her hair, palm settling on the nape of her neck. “You’ve made it pretty damn easy.”

[rubidusmagnet]

Dirty Things Kept Secret 18+ KidLaw-> LawKid  (1/2) ch

Just Bi guys being Bi, nothing to see here unless you want too.... anyways, this idea stems from the recent thread with @ikkaku-of-heart (It’s Thanks to you this came out) So If you read through that, you’ll get to see what Kid does to Law’s tats among other things in as great a detail I could manage. Naughty stuff under the cut If it actually works this time around.

"The fuck is this crap?" Eustass Kid spit his mouthful of booze all over the bar counter he sat at, angrily swinging the mug in the air to indicate openly to the bartender his unsatisfaction of the quality or rather lack of, their alcohol flavoring. Clearly scared by the Redheads rant, the scared witless young man hurried over with a rag to clean the mess up before skittering back to other customers who gave Kid a wide berth in stool room. 'Screw them for pissing their pants over me, If they can't even handle the likes of me, they'll never hope to handle worse customers.' As if the gods above heard his angry mutterings of cowardly patrons, a certain smooth baritone reached his ears from near the entrance of the tavern. "Oi Eustass-ya I see your ugly mug still repels everyone around you."

lifting his gaze so that he can meet Trafalgars golden one, Kid grinned, "Its's bout time your ass showed up, I almost thought you dropped dead or something." merely amused at the jab to his tardiness, law explained "It couldn't bet helped, It was hard enough being able to get away from my crew so that we could rendezvous here."

It really couldn't, just recently because both crews have been meeting each other frequently on islands leading up to the end of paradise, both captains had declared the beginning of their secret trysts in order to let off any steam or frustration they might have from being on the seas for a while. They had agreed that the details of these meetings would not be revealed even though Kid at least wanted to be able to brag about how he banged the Heart Pirates captain it was considered a moot point and so he reluctantly dropped the topic in favor of maintaining a sexually beneficial relationship.

Both scarlet and gold eyes flashed in knowing of the fun that was about to begin. "So shall we take this 'discussion' elsewhere Eustass-ya?"

"Took the words right out of my mouth, but you're still as mannerless as always bastard."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Both men hardly entered the rented hotel room before Kid swiftly turned to harshly shove Laws back up against the door, being sure to use his other hand to lock the door behind him so that they wouldn't potentially have any interruptions. And just as harsh as the shove, Kid ducked down to crash their lips together aggressively. dark lipstick meshing with smooth tan lips and a rough rub of a scratchy goatee. Both tongues met in the middle in a battle for dominance, Kid knew he had the better physical strength so he continued to tease Trafalgar with the idea of winning by allowing his tongue to slip somewhat into his own mouth before turning the tide and shoving his back into the others mouth.

Reluctantly pulling away from the other, Kid moved further into the room, paying very little attention to the bland furniture the room had to offer when some of it was likely to get broken anyway. 'That poor bed won't know what hit it.' He was abruptly interrupted in his thoughts by hands grabbing him around the waist to spin him around and abruptly push him onto his back on the bed.

Looking up in barely hidden surprise, He saw a rather annoyingly smug Law standing at the foot of the bed with his yellow and black hoodie and tank top already stripped off to reveal a plethora of tribal patterned tattoos. And even though they've done this old song and dance a few times already, he still couldn't help but admire the ink over tanned skin, paving a picture over a skin canvas.

As always, Law had a snarky remark in response, "Keep staring at me like that Eustass-ya and I might think you have feelings for me." Sneering in disbelief, Kid jeered back exactly how he thought about such a blasphemous accusation. "In your dreams Trafalgar, all this talk makes me think the same of you, you know the only thing ya got going for ya is that tight ass of yours."

"Yeah Yeah, if you're done talking, I think there is much better uses for that loud mouth of yours." Getting, back up off the bed, Kid reversed the situation by promptly tossing Law onto the bed with an 'oomph!' "Like hell I'm gonna do anything from down there while you get to stand, I know what your game is, you were hoping I suck ya off or even let ya fuck my throat you bastard! just because I have an oral fixation doesn't mean you get to abuse it!"

Turning so that Kid could move to crawl onto the bed over Law he stated with a salacious sneer. "If I'm gonna do that, your gonna just have to take it my way." Having figured out by now that the controlling little shit would protest to that, He made damn sure to use one of his arms to keep him pinned. It was also a way for Kid to show off his superior strength to the other, since these little 'meetings' always held a power struggle.

Both men held large egos that came to blows whenever they met, leading either to a fight where both exasperated crews had to separate them to avoid too much injury. Or in the satisfaction of a good fuck when both gave their all in a different form of battle.

Law responded with a huff after finally forfeiting the struggle for now at least. "You've always been such a brute Eustass-ya and you fuck like one too." Kid gave his rival one last wild leer before turning his attention to the tanned skin of the others chest. "And yet you love it dont'cha? being fucked by this wild beast." Whatever smart-assed comment the surgeon of death was about to make was caught in his throat in a surprised cry when Eustass dragged his attentive mouth over a dusky nipple to give it a sharp nip, leaving the bud to instantly harden at the attention laved on it.

As long as Kid would prefer it, he hopes to keep that smart mouth of his either shut or too busy spouting pleasured sounds to do anything, but he can't have his way can he? As he he gave the other nipple the same attention, he felt a hand palm the back of his head, threading fingers through the flaming locks before abruptly tightening their hold to give a sharp tug on them. The reaction was almost instant as the sensation travelled down Kid's spine, leaving goosebumps in it's wake.

"Fuck off Trafalgar, you know how sensitive my scalp is!" not that he was really gonna complain because after all, such a sensation was actually extremely pleasurable to him but like hell he would ever admit it out loud to one of his fellow rivals and super rookie. The only response he got was a unapologetic smirk from a certain surgeon, an all too knowing glint reflecting off of those golden irises.

To get back at him, Kid left a bite hard enough to draw some blood and to leave a nice mark over the stupidly grinning jolly roger in the middle of the large heart tattoo. an almost unbecoming yelp tore out of the others mouth, leaving a victorious grin to decorate Kid's face. "What the hell! are you some kind of fucking vampire or what?" after recovering from the pain the smug bastard had to add. "Well now that I think of it you do pull off the image quite well considering how pale you are."

Unfortunately for Kid, he walked right into that one by also laving at the spot, cleaning up the blood he spilled. He wasn't someone who enjoyed the taste of blood especially from himself, he just didn't want blood to get on the bed sheets because then questions would really be raised by the hotel staff. "Just shut up and let me do my thing, unless you want me to bite your dick off when I get to it?" hearing no response from the other, Kid continued on his path all the way down to the surgeons navel, where a short thin trail of dark hairs lead down to the intended prize currently pushing an impressive tent in spotted jeans.

Undoing the others belt buckle and absentmindedly unzipping the fly, Kid spent a brief time nosing the others smooth tan skin, feeling little twitches from the muscles beneath at the stimulation. Finally exposing the dark briefs the other was wearing, Kid roughly palmed it in his left hand while moving to tug those pesky jeans off with his right. The smart ass finally moved to help by lifting his hips to help it along while also groaning at the friction increase he got from doing so.

Once it got down to his knees, kid swiftly and roughly yanked the pants off the other to a cry of "Hey!' before moving in for the kill. He lowered himself down, using both arms to spread Law's legs apart for better access he ducked down to nuzzle the straining bulge at the impatient mutterings of man ahead of him. Just as he felt another hand move to grab his head and press his face down, Kid swatted the offending appendage away in annoyance. "Keep ya paws off until I get to the goods damnit!"

With that said, Kid finally made to roughly remove Law's briefs in a manner which garnered yet another fit of whining from the other. "Watch how you handle that you damned brute! you almost tore them!" "Oh those aren't what you should be worried about me tearing Trafalgar." Instead of emphasizing what he meant to the other mans inquiry. He instead chose to begin what he was planning to do, which was making this smug bastard come apart from his mouth alone, with little help from his hands.

He gave teasing little kitten licks to the head of Law's cock, lapping up the little excess of precum that was leaking out of the tip. Having enough with teasing since he wasn't as nearly as much of a bastard as Law in that department, Kid took the whole head in his mouth giving a generously hard suck which only resulted in said bastard getting grabby again and tugging harshly on crimson locks, which without even asking, pulled the elastic of his goggles off to toss god knows where in order to push untamed bangs back in a fistful.

In response, Kid snarled around the mouthful of cock, threatening with a graze of sharp canines before pulling away to give a sharp response. "You watch where you throw those you bastard! They are-" "Yes I know already Eustass-ya, they're some sort of family treasure to you but by now you should know how little I care about that with you, now if you don't mind why don't you get back to sucking me off like a good boy hm?

Growling animalistically at the others half-lidded arrogant face, but unwilling to just drop the sexual tension they had going. Kid went back to where he was but not before declaring darkly to the other male. "If I see so much as a CRACKin those lenses I'll make you pay asshat." "Yeah yeah you say that now but- Oh fuck~."

Whatever comment Law was about to make was abruptly cut off as Kid dove to immediately take half of his length in one go, which was no easy feat considering the size, but Kid always considered himself quite orally talented which was exactly why the other chose to take advantage of such skills for his own use whenever possible.

Considering how his anger from the treatment of his goggles had yet to abate, Kid briefly considered reaching up with one hand to grasp Trafalgar's balls before crushing them to bits in a fist. He immediately crossed such a suicidal idea from his mind because as much as he would enjoy the look of sheer agony from having his most precious jewels crushed, he knew all he had to do was reach for his Nodachi leant against the night stand and decapitate him, most likely without the use of his powers.

Instead, since such a thought was so vivid, Kid did in fact reach with his right arm to cup the others balls, but gently, and with a little fondling mixed in with his fingers.  Hearing another pleased sigh escape the others lips at the action, Kid briefly looked up to only see Law's goatee covered chin with his head thrown back against the arm he was now laying his head on. taking the chance, he nervously eyed the Nodachi that ruined his brief brutal desire with a comical drop of sweat dripping down his forehead.

Refocusing himself on the task at hand. Kid slowly continued his downwards ascent until finally, his nose reached the patch of dark pubic curls at the base of Law's shaft. Having recovered from the earlier surprise deep throat, Law kept a tattooed hand atop red locks, putting a little pressure in order to ensure the other kept his head in place like that. He purred at the lewd picture Kid made, fiery eyes looking up at him in defiance despite having a throbbing cock lodged as deeply as it could go down his throat. "Who would've though the mighty Eustass 'Captain' Kid to be such a cockslut?"

To put emphasis on the meaning, Law allowed Kid to raise his head slightly before abruptly thrusting upwards, causing the man to choke suddenly, which Law enjoyed the sudden tightening around his cock very much. Pressing against a non-too resisting hand in order to take deep gulps of air, Kid looked absolutely wrecked already with the saliva mixed in precum dripping from his smeared lips and chin. "That was a dirty move shithead." The surgeon gave a calm lazy response in contradiction to Kids panting. "A dirty move which you should be used to by now Eustass-ya unless you mean to tell me you can't handle it?"

With the clear challenge given, Kid's pride would not allow the other the smug satisfaction in assuming things of him, and any challenge given was to be completed ten fold!

With new determination alighting his expression, Kid dove back down to suck with fervor, occasionally bobbing his head deeply to briefly touch the base before starting the whole process again, limiting his hands to either hold down tanned hips more firmly or to fondle and caress the balls beneath. Law himself was beginning to feel the effects of such efforts it seemed as Kid could feel the other's cock begin to twitch more frequently to hit the roof of his mouth.

It didn't stop however, the flow of filthy words the cocky surgeon threw down at him. "Now that I think of it, hah~ you look much better like this Eustass-ya with a dick shoved down your tight throat, I wonder what would everyone think of you if they knew this side of you, they most certainly would lose their fear for you I'm certain of it."

As much as it angered Kid's dominant side to be demeaned verbally like this, it did absolutely everything to bring an inferno into his painfully tight pants by this point. Absentmindedly, Kid moved a hand not assisting him in pleasuring the other down to unzip his fly in order to yank his own hardon out to stroke away some of the unbearable tension pooling there as Law continued on." I know I prefer you like this, significantly less yapping then before. Maybe I should do this to shut you up whenever you get on my nerves, I won't have to hear any of your ridiculous drivel and I get to release sexual tension all at once."

As Law grew closer to the end, Kid moved both hands to hold the other down, preventing anymore hip movement as he had learned from before. However doing so meant Law had all the control over his head from above which the little shit took advantage of quickly. Placing both palms on either side of Kids face, Law made to slam him down all the way onto his cock as it throbbed wildly now. "Swallow every last drop Eustass-ya."

As this was said, Kid could do nothing but take the load that was being shot down the back of his throat, tempted as he was to keep some of the seed pooling in his mouth in order to spit it back at the bastards face, He knew better than to do something that would likely start a fight when he too needed to take care of his own needs. So once the jets of white fluid finally slowed to a twitching stop, Kid made to pull away as soon as possible in order to swallow down the surprisingly large amount of seed left over. 'So it seems he must be really pent up too then'.

Unfortunately for him, Law wouldn't allow him a moment to get the salty taste out of his mouth completely, taking advantage of the daze he was in in order to roughly pull him up to smash their lips together and gaining dominance for the first time tonight by being able to explore Kids mouth without being pushed out, taking in the taste of his own salty liquid clinging to teeth. Pulling away He had the gall to smirk at Kid. "Should I take this daze to mean I get to top this time around."

Making a recovery in order to spat back "Like hell you will after the stunt you pulled I'll have to punish you for that." Kid roughly manhandled Law's body but not before catching a glimpse of a certain slightly lipstick smeared appendage. "Have fun cleaning that up jerk." A little confused at what he meant, Law looked down there before giving the other a vicious glare.

Which for all intents and purposes of intimidating lesser foes, did absolutely nothing in deterring Kid from fully maneuvering the other onto his hands and knees.

"Now why don't you be a good boy and keep your ass up in the air for me eh?" Kid guffawed when he saw the other look over his shoulder to glare at him once more, this time accompanied by the old middle finger salute. Pulling back to sit on his knees, Kid finally got to undressing himself fully, removing his coat to toss it aside along with his vest and weapons belts too. He took a second to retrieve the necessary lube and condom from a pants pocket before quickly discarding that and his boxers as well.

Moving to kneel behind the other, Kid opened up the cap before pouring a generous amount of lube onto his fingers. using his left hand, he settled over the massive jolly roger adorning his rivals back to balance him self.

Without any verbal warning, Kid roughly shoved a thick finger into the others hole on the first go at it. Hearing a sharp hiss in response to the intrusion, Kid could only smirk as it was his way of getting back at the other for treating him like some disposable street whore earlier. From what he could see, Law had his head bent low, with both hands clenching the sheets like a lifeline, significantly wrinkling the fabric in the process.

And because Kid is not known to be a very kind person especially to certain rivals that get under his skin a lot, Kid shoved yet another slicked finger in after only thrusting the singular digit a few times, deeming the twitching orifice more than ready for another.

Gradually, Kid was rewarded with muffled groans which Kid tsked at, annoyed that Law was trying to hold back on him. To fix this, He used the hand laying over his back to grab a fistful of dark blue locks and yank his head up off the pillow. "It's no good if I can't hear you ya know? someone like you shouldn't be afraid to get a little noisy."

Hackles raised by the taunt, The lanky surgeon immediately hissed back in a dark tone. "Well maybe you should consider the fact that you aren't doing enough to please me Eustass-ya." and yet another challenge was posed by the other, 'I bet the bastards doing this on purpose to maximize his pleasure but damnit all if it isn't working!'

Keeping the internal struggle to himself, but not hiding the dark fiery look taking over his eyes. Kid's physical response was to hammer home three fingers, his typical maximum for partners considering the thickness of his fingers. And THATbrought an immediate and keening loud response from Law, one the other could not hide even if he wanted to. This time it was Kid's turn for some dirty talk of his own.

"Well look at that, it looks like that got you going jackass. As cool and collected as you like to act, seeing you moan unrestrained paints such a pretty picture. I'll have to think of this the next time I jack off."

After a while of hammering the others prostate, Kid finally pulled his fingers free with a lewd 'shlick' sound accompanying the withdrawal. At the same time, Kid finally let go of the others head, deeming it time to get on with the main event sooner rather than later.

Moving so that he hovered over the smaller males back, he took the time to trace the black lines of that damning Tattoo over with his tongue before leaving a nice bite mark over the smiley portion on the tanned skin so that it could be seen in a mirror later.

Lining himself up with the slick entrance. Kid only gave one warning in the form of his own challenge to the other male. "If you can even still move after I'm through with you, Then maybe I'll let you take the reigns Law." said man's eyes widened as that was the first time Kid had chosen to call him by his first name.

He had little time to process that though as without hesitation, Kid took one hard thrust until his hips pressed flush with Laws ass. "You see? If you really didn't like being fucked so much your ass wouldn't be trying to devour my cock like this eh, Trafalgar?" ah, there he goes back to the last name again he knew it wouldn't last.

After sitting still for a little bit due to the force with which Law's walls were clamping down on Kid's dick, He finally began to move starting with slow but heavy thrusts that left a resounding 'Slap' of skin meeting skin each time their hips met.

For a while, all that could be heard aside from that was the rythmic creaking of the bed frame and the low grunts and growls both men gave. That temporary non-verbal silence was broken when Kid swung a hand down to smack one of Law's ass cheeks hard enough to leave a reddening imprint. This resulted in a surprised shout from law who, if looks could kill, Kid would be dead on the floor now.

But once again, Kid was impervious to that stare, knowing that as Law was now, he wouldn't dare do anything unless he wants to give himself a case blue balls. To check just to be certain, Kid reached the same hand down between the others thighs to grasp the leaking hard shaft he found there. Grinning at this Kid couldn't resist a little prodding.

"Look at this, Your eyes are telling me to go fuck myself but I can clearly tell whose the one that really wants to get fucked here. Starting his thrusts up again, this time harder and faster so that the headboard of the bed now began to clang against the wall. Kid also moved to stroke Law in time to his thrusts as now it wouldn't be long until they both hit their highs.

And right on time too, he felt the shaft in his hand give a tell tale twitch in preparation for the second orgasm of the night, while Kid was quickly approaching his first. It didn't mean he was out of it yet, it would just take a short bit until he could hopefully initiate another round knowing that his rival could keep up with his impressive stamina.

The first to come undone was Law, who came with a shout all over the sheets below them, Kid made a mental note to toss those aside when they inevitably continued, because neither really planned to stick around long enough to snuggle over night. The mere thought almost had kid choking back bile coming up his throat. A mutually beneficial relationship such as theirs had no room to grow with prides far too big to be pushed aside.

It took a few more hard thrusts before Kid finally began to come undone as well with a louder groan, Quickly removing himself from the pliant body beneath him, Kid was fast in removing the condom in order to jerk himself off to completion. The result of which was in painting the now thoroughly marked up jolly roger on Law's back in shades of white, black, and reddened tan skin. It made for a beautiful portrait in Kids eyes, it was a shame he had no way of taking a picture for later use.

As his cock began to soften and shrink, Kid made to properly dispose of the used condom in his other hand, aiming just right with his toss to the nearby trash bin before collapsing down to rest himself, burying his face into a soft pillow for a brief while.

However unbeknownst to him, Law laid beside him, having turned over on his back after wiping his himself off, stared at the ceiling before a wicked smirk came over his face with a particularly evil gleam in his golden eyes. Softly summoning a 'Room' so that Kid couldn't hear in his drowsy state, Law quickly teleported a silky black band up to his hands along with his own lube and condom (because like hell he would ever use that grease Kid called lube.) He dismissed the room and mentally prepared himself for the due revenge he intended on exacting on Kid while also taking this next opportunity to take control for himself.

[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

mod a’s lgbt musicals

Hi there! I’m a big theatre kid so I thought for pride month I’d put together a list of LGBTQ musicals. Despite its association with queer people, musical theatre is not known for its amazing representation. I’ve put together a list here of musicals I know of with queer characters. I’ve tried to avoid those where the queer characters are incredibly minor roles or those where the representation is just not good enough to be salvageable (*side eyes Legally Blonde*) I know there are many musicals I will have missed out but these are the ones I am most aware of. Feel free to add more! So without further ado, here it is.

Fun Home

The big Tony winner of 2015! Based on Alison Bechdel, a butch lesbian cartoonist. At the age of 43, she looks for new material by trying to explore her past and her relationship with her closeted gay dad. Looks back at a version of herself when she was 10 and a “tomboy” and at 19 when she came out and got her first girlfriend. Has very cute lighthearted moments as well as very sad moments. Has a beautiful song where small Alison sees a butch deliverywoman. Problems in that since the original broadway cast, Alison’s costume has got less butch. Content warning for suicide.

Here’s their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMAuesRJm1E

The Color Purple

Based on Alice Walker’s novel about black women in the 1930s. Follows Celie who has been abused by men her whole life who discovers she is a lesbian but also makes a journey of self discovery and learns to love herself. Her love interest is a bisexual woman. Won best revival at the Tonys in 2016. Content warning for discussion/implied sexual abuse.

Here’s their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k2xzQyT2bk

Everybody’s Talking About Jamie

A teenage gay boy in Sheffield wants to be a drag queen and go to prom in a dress.Also a nice touch that is does not focus on him having a relationship (since he is sixteen) and him having to come out as he is already out. Focuses on his close relationship with his supportive mother. Has a diverse cast. Jamie is currently played by a black actor and his best friend wears a hijab and has a very diverse ensemble as well. Unfortunately has a part where Jamie responds to a homophobic bully by calling him a bunch of ableist and classist slurs.

Here’s a clip of the most popular song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7C3FuFWDdw

The Prom

Emma is a lesbian teenager in Indiana whose prom is cancelled by the PTA after she requests to bring her girlfriend to it. A group of Broadway actors come down to help her campaign to be allowed to attend prom, as well as styling her, helping her work on her confidence and educating the town’s people. What ensues is basically a two hour musical episode of Queer Eye. Cheesy and fun with so many musical theatre references crammed in. My one issue is that the show is rather harsh on people who are closeted since Emma has conflicted with her girlfriend Alyssa because she is not ready to come out.

Here’s a clip of their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGcG_r5xv3E

Rent

Probably the most well known on this list. Artists in New York during the AIDS crisis. Two of the main couples featured are queer: Maureen is bisexual and in a relationship with Joanne who is a lesbian, and Angel is a transgender woman of color in a relationship with Collins, a presumably bisexual man. However, she tends to be played bi cis men and there are instances of her being misgendered by the main characters uncritically. In Rent Live (2019), all instances of her being misgendered were removed and her gender identity was confirmed. She was played in this by Valentina, an nb drag queen and has also been played by Pose’s MJ Rodriguez, a trans woman. Very diverse with Jewish characters and people of colour and in the live show, only 1 of the 8 main characters was white. Has been criticised over the years, mainly for its biphobic portrayal of Maureen who is promiscuous and implied to cheat, but in the 90s did a lot for the LGBTQ community and is more progressive than a lot of media even now.

Here’s a clip of Maureen and Joanne from Rent Live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06oCfKYYPTY

And here’s some Angel and Collins: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hl-M94o_x8

Falsettos

Marvin comes out as gay in the late 70s but decides to move his ex wife and son in with his boyfriend. Addresses AIDS crisis in Act 2. Has “lesbians from next door” in act 2. F Revived on Broadway in 2016. All of the characters are Jewish. Unfortunately, in revival casts, very few actors tend to be Jewish.

Here’s the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjnAHOdMQVk

Come From Away

In the aftermath of 9/11, 38 planes are diverted to a small town in Canada called Gander. Shows people of different races and nationalities bonding in a scary time. Addresses Islamophobia. Has one song called Prayer where prayers from different religions overlap. Has an interracial gay couple called Kevin and Kevin. They break up in the end but are very important characters. Won best direction of a musical in 2017. The Broadway production starred Jenn Colella who has referred to herself as ‘mostly gay’.

Here’s a clip of Jenn Colella singing a song from the musical: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8ukgH6U-d0

Head Over Heels

Honestly I don’t quite know what this musical is about, even by reading the plot summary and listening to the soundtrack. I know it’s set in a Tudor fantasy world and that there are wlw couples as well as an explicitly non binary character, played by Peppermint, a trans woman, and that there are interracial couples and plus sized actors. It is a jukebox musical using songs by the Go-Gos and yes the wlw anthem that is Heaven is a Place on Earth is one of them. The soundtrack is fantastic even if you can’t follow what is going on.

Here are some show clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx2qQ7QAPm0

Spring Awakening

German school kids in the 19th century discovering their sexuality. Two of the schoolboy supporting characters, Ernst and Hänschen, have a romance when they have a reprise of an earlier song in Act 2.  A BIG content warning as it has graphic discussions of rape and songs about it and a sex scene with very dubious consent. However there was a very wonderful 2016 revival using deaf actors and sign language.

This is another one you can very easily find the full show of on YouTube which I won’t link. However here’s the Tony performance for the revival: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSagsMcak4Q

If/Then

A woman named Elizabeth (originally played by Idina Menzel) moves to New York after a divorce and contemplated how different her life would be if she took two different paths. Four supporting queer characters. Her ex-boyfriend is bisexual and played by Anthony Rapp (who is bisexual in real life) and he gets a boyfriend in one timeline. Another of her friends is a lesbian called Kate who marries her girlfriend in the musical. Problems occur as in both timelines, cheating goes on in the lesbian relationship although they stay together in one. Elizabeth also says she doesn’t believe in bisexuals, a view no one ever challenges her on, however Lucas is very clearly bisexual which is some proof for the audience that she is wrong.

I’m not going to link it here but there are many very high quality bootlegs on it on YouTube if you want to watch,

Ghost Quartet

A bit of a weird one. This is more of a concept album. There are four performers who each play instruments and they tell the stories of many interconnected timelines. It is very hard to explain but there are souls travelling through time who keep being reincarnated as different people with different relationships to each other which usually end with one woman killing the other. In the song Soldier & Rose, the ghosts Rose and Pearl are lovers as Rose seduces the soldier for her honey.  In the song Four Friends, for one chorus the men sing “I like to put my hand on a pretty girls’s knee” and the women sing “pretty boy’s knee” and then they switch for the next chorus so they’re all bisexual. In general, a lot of fun if you like weird musicals and I mean really weird.

The full show is online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJSaEJm8pCE

Mean Girls

Yes there’s a musical of it. I was not looking forward to it when it was announced but have actually grown to quite like it. It’s hardly lyrical genius but the songs are fun and a lot of the problematic aspects of the film have been fixed. Damian is more explicitly gay in the musical and sings about an ex boyfriend in one song. Janis is heavily implied to be a lesbian (confirmed by actress offstage) and she doesn’t end up with Kevin Gnapoor. She is played by a queer actress in the tour cast. Both queer characters are much bigger roles than in the movie and get several songs each. I’d consider the musical to be quite white feminist but it does address issues such as the sexualisation of teenage girls and the notion that to be ‘sexy’ is ‘empowering’.

Here’s a clip of one of Damian’s songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-zM6QKkxEQ

& Juliet

An English jukebox musical about what might have happened to Juliet in Romeo and Juliet if she had not died at the end. I haven’t seen it but I’ve listened to the soundtrack and it is mainly comprised of 21st century songs by women. One of Juliet’s best friends is non binary although is played by a cis man as far as we know. Also I went to the same school as one of the actors which is a bonus for me. Very diverse cast.

Here’s a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm2k9nS3o20

In Transit

A capella musical about several people’s adventures on New York public transport. Two of the main characters in this ensemble cast are an interracial gay couple where both are pocs. They are engaged but one of them is having trouble coming out to his mother. I found it refreshing in that his fiance for the most part was not upset with him at his struggles in coming out and they were both able to live fulfilling lives despite this. I am always astonished by the talent of a cappella singers.

Here’s a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhvik6qoass  Another one where the bootleg can be found very easily on YouTube

Firebringer

Remember A Very Potter Musical? Well, the company that did that are still putting out new pieces of theatre on their YouTube channel. In 2016, they put out their ridiculous comedy musical Firebringer, about a group of bisexual cavewomen. I won’t spoil the ending but trust me, it’s great. You may know it from the viral clip of one of the main characters singing ‘I don’t really wanna do the work today.’

You can watch the full musical here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmVuNlu0LCk

Special Mentions

Company

Musical by Stephen Sondheim about a man unable to commit to a relationship, surrounded by his friends who are all in couples. However, the award-winning 2018 West End revival chose to change the genders of some of the characters. The main character Robert became ‘Bobbie’ (although all of her love interests were gender-swapped as well). One of the originally M/F couples became an M/M couple. It opened on Broadway for about a week before the Covid outbreak so that will be one to look out for.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtDK03y4gT0

In the Heights

A musical by Lin-Manuel Miranda about the Latin American community living in Washington Heights in New York. The original theatre production has no explicitly queer characters. However, in the upcoming movie version (that was meant to be released this summer but has been pushed back to next summer) it has been confirmed that the characters of Daniela and Carla (Daphne Rubin-Vega and Stephanie Beatriz) will be explicitly a couple.

I absolutely love this musical and the trailer for the movie looks beautiful check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0CL-ZSuCrQ

[theultimatefanficwriter]

Kazuichi x Gundham x Sonia-Repair It

If you had told Kazuichi Souda at the beginning of this absurd killing game that he was going to be in a relationship with the beautiful Sonia Nevermind, he would have told you "Only in my dreams."

If you had told him that he'd be in a relationship with Gundham Tanaka, he would have thrown up all over you.

Yet here he was, in Gundham's cottage, sandwiched in between his now girlfriend and boyfriend. He looked between the two, seeing Sonia's happy smile as her sleeping head rested on Kaz's shoulder. He turned his head to look at Gundham, who's eyes were still open. The Ultimate Breeder smiled at the pinkette and reached his hand out to run his fingers through his hair.

"Having trouble sleeping, my love?" He asked the mechanic quietly.

Souda returned the smile and shook his head. "No, it's not that." He replied. "I'm just..." He sighed. "I still can't believe this is real."

Gundham furrowed his brow. "You cannot believe what is real, my pink prince of darkness?"

"This." Kaz told him, gesturing with his head to the people on either side of the pink eyed boy. "Me. Being with you." He turned his head to look at Sonia. He sighed, a smile on his face. "And her." He looked back at the bi-colored eyed man. "I mean, when we first got on this island I hated your guts. I thought you were annoying, arrogant, loud, attention seeking, ignorant-"

Kazuichi was silenced by Gundham tugging lightly on the mechanic's hair. "Your point has been made, my precious imp." He growled softly into his partner's ear.

Souda chuckled before letting out a loving sigh. "But now..." He placed a kiss on Gundham's lips. "I've never been happier in my life. Even in this stupid killing game."

"I am glad to hear it, Kazuichi." Sonia's sleepy voice was heard from behind Souda. He turned his head to see his girlfriend rubbing her eyes.

"Sonia!" Kazuichi exclaimed. "I'm so sorry, did I wake you up?"

Sonia shook her head. "No, do not worry." She assured him, leaning up to give the pink haired boy a kiss on the cheek. "I am so happy as well to have the both of you."

Kaz smiled contently as he reached for both of his lovers' hands. He really couldn't believe how lucky he was. He never thought he would ever find one partner, let alone two loving and supportive ones.

"Man, why is Miss Sonia so interested in that stupid jerk Gundham?" Kazuichi thought irritability as he watched the two build a sand castle for Gundham's hamsters. "He's not that great." He kicked some sand around as he grumbled to himself. "You know what? I'm just gonna go over there and impress Miss Sonia! Yeah! That's what I'll do!" Confident in his plan, the mechanic made his way over to the two making sand castles.

"Should we make separate rooms for each of the Devas?" Sonia asked Gundham as she shaped  the sand.

"Of course!" The Dark Lord boomed, his Devas poking and inspecting their soon to be new home. "Each of my Devas requires their own special ritual to recharge their dark energy!"

Kaz rolled his eyes as he stopped beside the sand castle. The two making it looked up at him. Souda looked over to Sonia and smiled at her brightly. "Hiya, Miss Sonia!" He greeted the princess. "Whatcha up to?"

"Oh, hello, Kazuichi!" The blonde smiled and waved at him. "Gundham and I were just building a new home for his Four Dark Devas of Destruction!"

Kaz restrained himself from rolling his eyes. Instead he forced a smile. "That's really cool." He glanced over at Gundham, who was looking the mechanic up and down, an unimpressed look on his face. "Would ya like some help?"

"We are proceeding along quite well without your...assistance, mortal." Gundham answered before Sonia had a chance to.

Kazuichi crossed his arm and glared at him. "Oh yeah? Well maybe it'd go along even better with my help!" The disgruntled man stomped closer to the water to pick up a seashell he saw. "This could be a neat decoration for their castle." Souda muttered to himself. He noticed another one closer to the water and went to collect it when he tripped over something. He flailed his arms and let out a surprised scream as he prepared to land in the water.

Instead, he felt someone grab the back of his jumpsuit.

"This is why I insisted you not to help us, pink one." Kaz heard Gundham sigh from behind him. "You could have seriously angered the gods and gotten yourself injured." The taller man pulled the mechanic backward, allowing him to fall safely on the sand. Kazuichi looked up to Gundham who was giving the pink eyed boy a smile. The breeder shook his head, pulling one of his poses. "However, I shall allow you to stay around us. I think myself and the dark lady may need to keep an eye on you so you do not hurt yourself further."

Souda watched as the darkly clothed man extended a hand out for the pink haired boy. He looked the man above him up and down before hesitantly taking it. Gundham helped him stand, and once the mechanic was on his feet the bi-color eyed boy turned around with a flourish of his jacket and made his way back to Sonia.

Kazuichi followed the Ultimate Breeder with his eyes in astonishment for a few moments. He felt...confused. For the first time ever he felt something other than annoyance for the flamboyant man.

"Kazuichi!" Kaz snapped out of his daze at Sonia's voice. He turned and saw her waving him over. "Come! You can help Gundham build the moat!"

Kazuichi smiled and nodded, running over to the two of them. "Yeah! On my way, Miss Sonia!"

"What do the two of you think the new area is going to be?" Sonia asked her two boyfriends as the three of them walked to the new island that had opened up.

"I'm hoping for something nice and calm for once." Kazuichi thought aloud hopefully.

"I would not get my hopes up too high on that, my loves." Gundham said solemnly, holding the hand of each of his lovers. "That monstrous pest in the shape of a bear does not seem to be one to be kind."

Kaz sighed loudly. "Yeah, I know." He muttered. "Doesn't mean I can't still hope for it."

"It would be nice to have an area that will not cause problems." Sonia agreed with her pink haired boyfriend. "Though of course Gundham is right. The chances of that being the case are slim."

The three of them arrived at the new island shortly, and it appeared to be an amusement park of sorts. While Sonia seemed to be pleased by this sight Kazuichi and Gundham didn't trust this area. They both grabbed a hand of their girlfriend, making sure she didn't leave their sight.

Eventually Hajime gathered everyone to ride the train. The trio sat beside each other, the two men keeping an eye out for danger. Their efforts were for not, however, when a thick fog rolled over the track, and soon all of the passengers inside were asleep.

"I just don't understand what I'm feeling, Hajime." Kazuichi told his good friend. "I thought I hated that guy, but now..."

Hajime leaned back against the diner booth seat. "How do you feel about him now?" He asked.

Kaz sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "I...I don't know? I don't hate being around him. I actually feel...happy when we're in the same room. I don't want to kill him when he talks to Miss Sonia. I actually feel kinda agitated when he's talking to someone other than me or her."

Hajime smirked at the pinkette. "You understand what that sounds like, right, Souda?"

Kazuichi squinted at his friend. "What are you talking about."

The boy in front of him stared at the pink eyes boy blankly. "You can't be serious." He sighed. He shook his head. "Kazuichi, you have a crush on Gundham."

The mechanic's eyes widened and he almost fell out his seat. "What!? Hajime, are you crazy?!" He exclaimed. "There is no way I have a crush on Gundham Tanaka! For one, I'm not gay!"

Hajime raised a brow. "Are you sure?" He pressed. "I mean, Kazuichi, you just told me you feel the same way about Gundham that you do about Sonia." He looked Souda in the eyes. "Are you positive you don't like him?"

Kazuichi opened his mouth to retort with a sound 'no', but at that moment, the diner door opened. The pair turned their heads, and who should walk in but the topic of conversation himself, Gundham.

The Ultimate Breeder looked around the diner before his eyes landed on the mechanic. When he saw him a smile appeared on his face and he made his way over to him. "Ah, pink one!" He greeted him. "The demoness of photography told me she witnessed your and the talent-less one's arrival to this place."

Hajime rolled his eyes as he stood up. He waved a goodbye to Kazuichi as he left the diner. Gundham took the now empty seat across from the mechanic. "I was sent by the dark mistress to collect you." The Dark Lord informed the pink eyed boy. "She had said she wished to visit the library to peruse for information on how to escape our predicament." He looked Kazuichi in the eyes and grinned. "I suggested we bring you along. I thought that having more eyes would be a helpful addition."

Kaz's eyes widened. Gundham suggested he joined them? Kazuichi thought the breeder hated him. But here he was, offering for him to join him in Miss Sonia, and giving him a kind smile. Not one of those mischievous ones he usually does. As he looked into Gundham's bi-colored eyes and looked at his soft smile, he couldn't help but smile happily himself. He felt so happy around Gundham now. Maybe...maybe Hajime was right?

"Yeah, that sounds good, Gundham." Kaz agreed, standing from the booth.

Gundham beamed and followed suit. "Excellent news!" He boomed. With a swoosh of his jacket, he led Kazuichi out of the diner and down the path to the library.

"How is this even fucking fair!?" Kazuichi exclaimed angrily. He and his partners were in Gundham's supreme room. The three were lying on the Ultimate Breeder's bed, the mechanic and princess on either side of their boyfriend with an arm around them both. "We have to either kill someone or starve to death?!"

"I would hardly call the rest of this situation 'fair', my precious imp." Gundham pointed out, pulling his boyfriend closer to his side. He turned his head to him and placed a kiss on his forehead.

Kaz sighed and buried his head in Gundham chest. "Yeah, but at least the other death's could have been avoided." He mumbled. "In this stupid place there isn't going to be much of a choice."

"Do not say such things, Kazuichi!" Sonia chastised her pink haired boyfriend. She reached over Gundham and grabbed the mechanic's hand. "We will find a way out of this situation. I am hella sure of it!"

The princess' boyfriends chuckle softly. "I really hope so, Sonia." Kaz muttered. "I just want to get outta here and be with you two."

"That is all I desire as well, my fallen angel." Gundham hummed, placing a trail of kisses down to Kazuichi's neck. "From the moment I opened my dark heart to the both of you, I have felt myself reforming." He turned his head to place kisses on Sonia's face as well. "The two of you have brought me back from the darkness I feared I would stay forever in."

Kazuichi smiled and wrapped his arms tightly around Gundham's middle, pulling himself closely into the side of his loving boyfriend. "I never thought I could trust someone again." The pink eyed boy said quietly. "I stopped getting close to people in fear they would betray me...hurt me. I even changed the way I look just to intimidate people to stay away from me." The boy sighed happily. "I'm so grateful to the both of you for ignoring all of that."

Sonia giggled. "No offense, Kazuichi, but you could never look truly intimidating." The princess propped herself up on Gundham in order to look at Kazuichi. "You are far too adorable as hell to scare anyone!"

Kaz looked up at her, a smirk on his face. "Oh? Is that so?" The mechanic pushed himself up before launching himself at his girlfriend. Sonia let out a surprised squeal as Kaz landed on top of her, basically pinning her on top of Gundham. The mechanic laughed and gave his girlfriend a grin before sucking on her neck, aiming on marking her neck when he suddenly felt himself be picked up and pinned to the bed.

"I do not believe you were given permission to touch the Dark Mistress, pink demon." Gundham growled, a mischievous smirk on his face. He leaned down until his breath was touching Souda's neck. The Ultimate Breeder bit down on the pinkette's neck roughly. Kazuichi gasped loudly and arched his back. His boyfriend chuckled and grabbed his hips, keeping him firmly pinned to the bed. "I think you must be punished for such a crime, little imp."

Kaz looked up into Gundham's bi-colored eyes. He grinned up at him. "That so? And how are you gonna do that?" He asked his boyfriend teasingly.

Gundham's smirk widened. "Do you mock me, you lesser demon?" He bit lightly on the pink eyed boy's earlobe. "That is not wise, young one." He growled. "You do not know what I am capable of."

"I feel I should be involved in this, my Dark Lord!" Sonia interrupted. "I am the one that was slighted, after all!"

Gundham turned to look at her and chuckled. "But of course, my lady." He told her, extending a hand. The princess took it, once again taking a place on the bed.

The three spent the first night in the fun house together.

And needless to say, it was a long night.

"Are you sure about this Hajime?" Kazuichi asked his friend nervously, messing with the collar of his jumpsuit.

Hajime chuckled and nodded. "Yes, Kazuichi." He assured him for the fifth time. "Just go up to them both and explain how you feel!"

Kaz sighed and fiddled with his hands. "But...but isn't it weird to like two people? What if they hate me, or think I'm weird or-"

"Souda, you are weird, but not for liking two people." Hajime interrupted. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "It'll be fine. Sonia and Gundham are nice people. They're both strange, but still nice. They'll understand."

Kazuichi took a deep breath. "Alright. Ok, you're right. I'll go do it." He nodded to himself as he walked out of Hajime's cottage. He made his way to the hotel, where Sonia and Gundham currently were.

When he noticed the two, he paused. He adjusted his collar again before approaching them. Sonia noticed him first and waved at him. When Gundham saw him, he smiled and pulled one of his poses. "Ah, pink one. Have you come to join us for the morning feast of champions?" The Dark Lord asked.

Kazuichi nodded. "Yes, I...I uh, have." He cleared his throat. "But, uh...first I have to tell you both something." The two looked at him, waiting for him to continue. Kaz sighed. "I...I've obviously liked Sonia for a while now." He said, looking to the princess. Both her and Gundham looked visibly surprised when he didn't refer to her as 'Miss'. "But recently, I've begun to develop feelings for..." The mechanic looked over to Gundham. "You, Gundham."

The breeder blinked. "I...I see." He cleared his throat and covered his face with his scarf, though a light blush could be seen peeking over the garment.

"So you have lost your affections for me?" Sonia asked. Is Kazuichi didn't know better, he would've thought she sounded...disappointed?

The pinkette shook his head. "Not...exactly." He gulped as both Sonia and Gundham looked at him. Kazuichi rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from them. "I...like both of you. Just as much." He glanced back up, and looked between the two.

For a long time it was just silence, until Gundham cleared his throat. "It would be untruthful for me to say that I haven't been feeling some form of...attraction to the dark mistress." He looked Souda in the eyes. "And...I do not believe you are as lowly of a mortal as I originally thought." He coughed into his hand. "In fact, you may be powerful in deed. You seem to have cast some sort of attraction spell over me."

Sonia nodded, a blush over her face as well. "I concur." She agreed quietly. "I did not know if having feelings for two men was normal, so I said nothing. But I have felt strongly for the both of you for a long time now."

Kaz looked surprised, but a happy smile crossed over his face. He slowly held a hand out to them both. They looked at it for a moment. Sonia grabbed it first, while Gundham took a moment, looking away shyly. "So...are we...?" Kazuichi trailed off.

Sonia smiled and nodded. "I believe so!" She confirmed happily. She looked to Gundham, who was trying to cover the ever growing blush.

The breeder finally looked towards the two and sighed, giving them a small smile. "Very well. I agree to these terms."

Kazuichi let out a relieved breath he didn't even know he was holding. He looked between his new girlfriend and boyfriend happily, as a new feeling washed over him.

Fear.

He not only had to protect himself now. He had to do whatever it took to keep Sonia and Gundham safe as well.

Whatever. It took.

It had been several days since their arrival to the fun house, and everyone was feeling the lack of food. Kazuichi didn't know how much longer everyone was going to last. It was only a matter of time before the next murder. So that was why he was doing patrol around Strawberry house. He and Sonia had been staying in Gundham's room every night because the three thought that being together would make this all easier. It did, slightly.

Kazuichi sighed as he got near the stairs going down. He didn't even know what he'd do if he ran into someone planning to hurt his lovers. He was in such a weak state he'd lose a fight. Running probably wouldn't work. So why was he doing this?

"What are you doing out, Kazuichi?"

Kaz stopped at a familiar voice. He looked up and noticed Nagito coming up the stairs. He sighed in annoyance. "Just looking around for anything suspicious." He told the lucky student. He narrowed his eyes at the other. "Looks like I found something."

Kazuichi was expecting the boy's usual self deprecating humor, where he agreed with the mechanic and said how he could never live up to the Ultimates. But instead he only got an eye roll. "I'm no more suspicious than the rest of you." He snapped, taking Kazuichi off guard.

"W-what? What are you talking about?"Kaz asked.

Nagito gave a bored sigh. "Just because you don't remember doesn't make any of it better." He informed the mechanic. "You're still an enemy to hope. So is your useless girlfriend."

Kazuichi narrowed his eyes at that. "Hey! You leave Sonia out of this!" He spat at the man in front of him. "Don't fucking talk about her that way!"

Nagito smirked. "Why? I thought you were dating that furry, Gundham?" He made an 'ohh' sound. "Right, you're dating both of them. Like a slut."

Kaz let out a growl sound as he took a threatening step towards Nagito. "Shut the fuck up." He warned. "Do not talk about them like that. There's nothing wrong with dating both of them."

The Ultimate Lucky Student held his hands up. "Oh, of course not!" He glared at Kazuichi. "Except one is an idiotic, good for nothing air-headed princess, and the other is an arrogant, flamboyant, stuck up chuunibyou!"

Kazuichi balled up his fists. "I said...DON'T TALK ABOUT THEM THAT WAY!" The mechanic rushed forward and punched the hope obsessed student in the face, causing him to stumble backwards. Nagito's eyes widened as he flailed his arms, trying to grab on to something. He managed to grab onto Kazuichi's jumpsuit for a moment, but he lost his grip and fell backwards down the stairs, tumbling all the way down until he landed with a thud.

Kazuichi's anger dissipated instantly when he noticed the pink pool begin to form underneath Nagito's head. He paled as he noticed the boy wasn't moving. He began hyperventilating as he took a step backwards, pulling at his hair anxiously. Eventually he turned around and ran back into Gundham's room, acting as if nothing had happened.

"A body has been discovered!"

Kazuichi flinched as Monokuma's announcement rang across the fun house. Gundham and Sonia's heads perked up.

"What the hell?" Sonia exclaimed, pulling herself to her feet.

"I wonder who the poor soul it is who has met their fate." Gundham muttered as he stood as well, offering a hand to Kazuichi. The pinkette took it, his whole body shaking. Gundham noticed and instantly pulled him into a hug. "You need not worry, my precious imp." He assured him. "It was not one of us, and we will find the one who committed this act so that the three of us can continue to live on together."

Souda swallowed and felt tears begin to form, his shaking not stopping. "I...I hope so, Gundham." He whispered as Sonia joined the hug, wrapping her arms around her crying boyfriend.

"Nagito?!" Hajime exclaimed as he and Chiaki stood around his body.

The three lovers made their way carefully down the stairs. "Oh my. I always thought Nagito would commit a murder, not be a victim." Sonia thought aloud.

"At least he cannot make things more difficult for us now." Gundham said, crossing his arms. "He was never any help and cause only strife for us all. Honestly whoever sent him to the Nine Hells did us a favor."

"You won't think that when you find out who it is." Kazuichi thought, clutching his boyfriend's hand tightly.

Gundham looked over to him. "Are you alright, my love?" He asked. "I am aware seeing a dead body up close can be quite unnerving, even if one has seen one before."

Kaz gulped. "I...I'm fine." He pulled Sonia closer to them. "We should stay close to each other. Just...just in case the killer decides to strike again."

Gundham and Sonia nod in agreement. "That is a very good point, Kazuichi." Sonia said, holding her boyfriend's hand. "But we should start looking for clues to help discover the culprit!"

Kazuichi sighed anxiously as the three began looking for clues that would eventually lead to his own death.

The group was making its way to the trial grounds, and with each step Kazuichi was getting more and more anxious. He obviously couldn't let them find someone else guilty, because Gundham and Sonia would die. He could never live with himself if he lived and they died. But...he was scared. He was scared to die.

He didn't want to die.

The students filed behind their podiums as Monokuma laid out the Class Trial rules as usual. Once the trial began, Hajime took control, also as usual.

"I think it's pretty obvious Nagito was pushed." The boy declared. "From the way his body is positioned, and the fact we found it in front of the stairs, it's clear he was pushed and hit his head, causing a fatal blow." He looked around the trial room. "Does anyone have a rebuttal?"

Nobody spoke up, so he continued.

"There wasn't much evidence at the scene, but I did find two things that stuck out to me." The mystery talented boy reached into his pocket and pulled out two objects. He looked around at the other students as he held one of them up. It was a patch. A patch that looked very familiar to the mechanic. He swallowed nervously as Hajime turned to him, obviously putting the pieces together. "Kazuichi, do you have something you'd like to tell us?"

"Now hold on a minute, Hajime!" Sonia exclaimed. "Are you insinuating that Kazuichi murdered Nagito? He could never harm a fly!"

"I agree with the dark lady." Gundham spoke up. "My pink prince is completely harmless."

Hajime looked between the three lovers and sighed sadly. "I'm very sorry. But I found more evidence that makes me believe it was Kazuichi." Hajime showed them the second object, and Sonia and Gundham paled.

It was a lock of pink hair.

The pair looked to their lover, who was clutching the podium before him tightly.

"Kazuichi, say something." Sonia pleaded. "Tell him that he is wrong! You couldn't have killed Nagito!"

"Yes, my precious imp. Why are you holding your tongue?" Gundham was looking at Kaz desperately, his eyes begging him to say something, anything, as long as he proved Hajime wrong. "You did not commit this heinous act, so prove your innocence!"

Kazuichi didn't say anything for a while. He had a very important choice to make right now. He could confess and be executed so everyone else could live, or he could come up with some excuse so that everyone except him, including Sonia and Gundham, would die.

Well, it wasn't much of a choice, was it?

He looked over to his partners,, a sad smile on his face. "It...it's true." He admitted quietly, his voice cracking. "It wasn't on purpose, but...I killed him."

Sonia and Gundham's eyes widened. "No...No!" Sonia screamed. "I refuse to believe it! You could not have done it!"

Gundham stayed quiet, looking his boyfriend up and down. Kazuichi couldn't read the breeder's face.

"Cease these lies at once, Kazuichi!" Sonia begged. "It was not you!"

Souda gave her a sad smile. "Sonia..." He said quietly. "I'm really sorry."

The princess stared at the mechanic, tears flowing freely down her face. "Kazuichi...no..." She whispered. She gripped her arms tightly.

Kaz turned to look at Gundham, who hadn't stopped staring at the pinkette since his confession. "...Gundham?" He called out softly.

"..."

Souda felt his heart break. He slowly approached his boyfriend and placed a hand on his cheek. The breeder stared into Kaz's eyes for a moment before suddenly pulling him into a tight embrace.

"You idiotic, moronic, stupid..." Gundham muttered into Kazuichi's shoulder. "How could you do this to us?"

Kaz gripped the back of Gundham's jacket tightly. "I didn't mean to." He insisted. "Nagito was talking shit on you and Sonia, so I punched him. He fell down the stairs and..." He trailed off.

"Idiot..." Gundham growled, tightening his hold on Kazuichi.

Suddenly Kaz felt another person hugging him. He looked and saw Sonia and her tear stained face. Kazuichi held both of them tightly for a long time.

"Alright well, not that this isn't lovely and all," Monokuma interrupted. "Buuuut it's voting time!"

Sonia and Gundham stiffened. Kazuichi, however, only smiled. He pulled away from the two but held tightly onto their hands. "Hey, it's alright." He assured them. "I'll be waiting for you both." He promised.

"I...I don't want to wait to see you again." Sonia said.

"Neither do I." Gundham agreed softly. "My heart already hearts with the thought of being without you."

Kaz squeezed their hands. "I'll see you both before you know it." He smiled sadly. "I'm sorry it turned out this way. But everyone makes mistake. But it'll be ok." He felt a tear fall down as the verdict was shown.

Kazuichi Souda has been found: Guilty.

"'Cause I'm gonna repair it."

A/N: I don’t normally do polyamorous relationships(I don’t have a problem with them, I just don’t think I can write them well) this was just a special circumstance because I had a good idea.

I take requests! Info on them in my bio!

[pooktales]

Dannox Does Dalaran

~45min read

In an alternate universe where Kael'thas is king...

*doom music* The quaint Legerdermain Lounge in Dalaran has an amateur comedy night. Dannox, a raunchy Night Elf druid, decides to do his standup routine. You may recognize Dannox from such things as my ‘My Life for My Prince’ fanfiction series. This post is LGBTQ+ friendly. It is also 18+ and NSFW because of dirty jokes. Enjoy!

...

Center stage at the Legerdermain Lounge in Dalaran. A dark-pearl skinned Night Elf man with deep green hair down to his waist strides up to take the Gnomish microphone device. He smiles well, as if he’s been laughing really hard back stage with the staff already. Charcoal gray t-shirt that looks soft. Light blue, linen slacks. Unless your eyes are playing tricks, there seems to be a shadow, or an outline through the thin fabric, of his bare hip underneath and the start of a muscular thigh. He moves again, and it’s gone. Dannox has spread hands and feet apart, bracing as if he’ll have to fight the strange mic device at first, but then cuts that out quickly since the mic is not a toy. Maybe no one noticed.

His joy is genuine and infectious. It’s hard not to smile along with him.

“Hey, so before I begin—Shit, you’d think I’d be used to a moon-white spotlight in the dark, being a Night Elf, but I’m just not. Can you offensive fuckers turn that off? Okay?” Dannox cackles and squints. He looks at his dark hands, while adjusting the mic up to his height. Dannox is magnetizing in a way. Fun to watch his sly mannerisms, his voice is rich.

A burst of embarrassed laughter in the back, while the Gnome techs actually accede to Dannox’s demand. It’s not a joke, they really are trying to fix the lights for him.

“So. Dalaran. The big D. Well, the other big D. They say if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. Which… is exactly what life is like with a big dick anyway...

“Sorry if you thought I couldn’t say that word—DICK. But back to my joke. You do one guy, or lady—I’m bi—and word gets around, right? So I make it everywhere.

“Oh, Dalaran. Come on, baby. I just got here and you’re turning me on. I’m lit for a magical city right now, and that is so wrong. Wow, what a weird fetish that would be…

“Seriously, though. This place cracks me up. A fancy, beautiful city. Perfectly designed. A beacon of hope. Holy, in a way. Floating majestically through the air. And plenty of massive, purple, phallic objects poking the sky.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me, I know it’s not really like that—that’s not why those spires are there. They have a real functionality. What got my mind dirty in the first place were all the snooty, Kirin’ Tor, tight arseholes walking up and down the streets… Yum.

Shocked, sort of uncomfortable laughter, but Dannox presses on, “Hey, don’t judge me. You guys been to the Underbelly, yet?” He shakes his head sorrowfully, “Don’t go down there. I mean, did you hear what it’s called? The Underbelly. That’s another low-key sex thing about Dalaran. This place is secretly very dirty, believe me. Underbelly. Do you know what’s under my belly? Well, on most nights. He’s not here right now.” Dannox uses a hand to shade his eyes, pretends to look around the room for someone. Loose laughter escapes from the back. “Sorry, that one was too easy. But yeah, so please don’t go down there. Just a lot of nasty fuckers like myself, flagging themselves to get jumped from behind by some rogue, and trying to wrestle each other—” Dannox starts laughing and cuts himself off, “All… oiled up. Well I was, anyway. Okay, I lied. I’ve been here before. Plenty of times.”

To a woman looking very serious and refusing to laugh in the front row, “Ma’am. Ma’am? I’m going to need you to loosen up tonight, okay? You’re in the hands of a professional tonight. I’m serious. I’m more serious than you are right now about that statement, do you know why? I’m fully trained at this, I was once a very successful stripper, I promise you.” Excited whistles and shouts, “I know smut and I’m proud of that, so tonight you have my express permission to laugh at my nasty jokes.

“But I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, ma’am, really I am. Please forgive me. Do you want a lap dance to make up for it? I’m being serious. Would that help? You don’t?

“Damn, I’m getting old then. Anyone here heard of Commando Dan, from Fel Candy? West side of Kezan? There must be a few Goblins in the house.”

A couple of gravelly cheers.

“Hoo, yeah! That’s me. Look how far I’ve fallen. I still got all my clothes on and people are even laughing.”

The blazing spotlight finally goes out, leaving Dannox in a darker room, offset by easy peach candlelight. Some polite applause for the lights being fixed. Then glasses click gently as people drink, begin to enjoy their food once more.

“Hey, great! I can see again, though you all really can’t see me, cause it’s dark. And your eyes have to adjust. Sucks to be you. Shout out to the other Night Elves in the house. The revolution begins now, by the way. Hail to the night, motherfuckers…”

Throaty laughter, especially from some kal’dorei men in the back.

Dannox looks down and snakes the microphone wire around the stand, to give himself space to move with it, “Anyway, I am definitely grateful for my chance at amateur night here in Dalaran.” He winks, “I intend to take the prize. I’m already a prize, I figured we’d go together.”

He turns a little to his left, sticks a hand in his pants pocket. Also, semi-sheer fabric confirmed. Nice.

“So. A little about me to start, other than my being an exceptional stripper once upon a time. Today? I’m a bum. A handsome bum, but my husband reminds me that still means I’m lazy and bum. I do nothing. This is my first thing that I’m doing, after a hiatus. Stripper in retirement. Never thought you’d see the day, right?” Dannox shrugs, grinning anew, “Actually, I do work hard, just not in the way you’d expect. I’m a trophy husband that got picked up years ago in a seedy strip club, I kid you not… stripping my clothes off in Kezan, which is a beautiful, nearly lawless Goblin Island, at least on the redlight district side. Anything goes on that side. A Blood Elf and a Night Elf can meet up, get it on, and have all kinds of adventures together in broad daylight. Faltheriel and I once had a dirty weekend that turned into… ten years now? And so I got picked up by the man who eventually became—who eventually would become—the Chief Advisor to King Kael’thas Sunstrider.

“The king? Yeah, we live in an alternate universe back home. It’s totally normal though, don’t worry. It’s like living in the suburbs—hardly anyone goes there, it’s nice cause it’s less expensive. We get crime, but it’s weirder suburbs, alt-universe crime. Like… whenever we read about Kael’thas’ new fun addictions and various shortcomings in the news. It was Murlocos Tacos last week. His daughter caught footage of him on the floor eating them while drunk or high, probably both cause it’s Kael’thas, and slurring every single thing he said. It came on all the scrying orbs. That was a rough week for him.”

Some snickers. “Yeah, you guys out here have dead, looted body Kael’thas at the end of a Quel’danas Isle dungeon. But back home, we pretty much have the Hearthstone Kael’thas which is way nicer. And funnier. I thought I’d get up here and do a Hearthstone Kael’thas impression but… yeah, he’d send some people over to kill me. He’s still an evil genius with bloodthirsty Sunfury agents. Also, ‘I’m coming doooown!’

“Haha… So worth it. Best part, when I get assassinated by Sunfury agents soon and I die, I’m totally going to ask my wife and husband to put that exact quote on my tombstone. That’ll really piss Kael off.

“And then, what is he even gonna do? Dig up my body and beat me some more?” Dannox looks down, casually kicks the wire for the mic out of his way, “Actually, I wouldn’t put it past that fel-addicted, demon-fucking motherfucker. He’s into everything.

“Anyway, we’re actually cool, me and Kael’thas. Don’t worry. And I truly like him. Since my husband works for Kael, and I am a druid after all—I heal. I heal a body good… I get to talk to Kael’thas himself sometimes if you can believe it. But it’s all so horrible. He’s a good-looking man and he knows that I’m bi. And I’m an awful person, generally. I guess that’s why Kael and I get along.”

Dannox walks to the other side of the stage, “And then Filthy—that’s my husband, don’t ask… Well, you will ask about my husband’s nickname, but I’m warning you not to, not yet, I’ll tell you later—Filthy is practically like Kael’s family at this point, so I always take my chance to rip on our lovely king. Also, Kael’s Blood Knights. Blood Knights are such easy targets. And mind you, in this alt universe, Azeroth is united, the factions are at peace, sorta. Kind of like how Dalaran lets everybody in, we’re sort of like that. Anyway, so we’re out in Netherstorm again with King Kael’thas, waiting on the Sunfury army to show up. Kael’thas looks right at me and he says, ‘I think I really like having a Night Elf man salute me, for a change.’

“And then I wink, ‘…It’s only natural, Kael’thas.’

“Hoo, boy. Poor Kael’thas. I think he was trying to be community-spirited. But, you know, he just tangled with the wrong Night Elf. Or, exactly the right one. Remember, I do like to get oiled-up first.”

More laughter.

“And then these soldiers of his, they’re taking a really long time to arrive. So one of the Blood Knights that’s already there, she turns to me. Everyone’s curious about the Night Elves, I suppose. Daphne goes… and I guess she didn’t let on yet that I’m unbelievably nasty, by some miracle. That’s what happens when hubby refuses to talk about home at work, I guess.

“Daphne asks me, ‘I heard you were the bane of Malfurion’s existence at one point.’

“I say, ‘Well, only for fifteen to twenty minutes at a time.’

Gasps, shocked laughter.

“See? I can keep it professional if I want to. And it’s fine, that’s another world leader I’m cool with. Malfurion and I go… way back. Right. In the back.

“Hey, no judgment. We all have our reasons for leaving the Emerald Dream. Am I right, fellow druids? Or, getting banned from it by a jealous wife. Hey, I’m calling her out, that wasn’t cool. She should know by now, everyone secretly loves Malfurion.

“Then I decided to have some fun with my husband Filthy—Faltheriel—who was standing right there next to me, turning beet-red, ‘What’s this, Faltheriel? You don’t look well, and your forehead is so warm. Maybe you’re coming down with something. Let’s go get you into bed, make you perfectly comfortable… then see what happens.’

“He didn’t like that. And in front of his employer, too. You see why he calls me a bum. I’m so good at being a trophy husband and jobless, it’s like I think everyone else needs to lose their job. Anyway, Faltheriel left to go do something else. Divorce me or something, I don’t remember what he said that afternoon. It’s not important.

“There was also a nice girl with them, a tall redhead named Tempest. I think she’s a retribution Paladin—Blood Knight, whatever. They all get to talking about old times, and she recalls how my husband used to be a zealot for Kael’thas, because he was. Or is. I’ll put it this way, ‘Kael’thas’ is the opposite of our safe word at home. It’s more Filthy’s trigger. Filthy gets one. One ‘Kael’thas’ every evening, and after that he has to stop. Don’t ask me how he works for the guy. I’m a sleaze, Faltheriel’s a fanboy, I guess. We struggle through this life together in our exciting marriage, putting up with all you muggles.

“I’m not joking with you. In person, Kael’thas is a very handsome man ontop of everything else and Faltheriel’s only mortal. Like I said, we have amazing, alt-universe Hearthstone Kael’thas. It’s a different outfit every hour with that guy. My favorite is nineties Kael’thas. He shows up with slicked-back blonde hair, neon shapes on his t-shirt and a giant cell phone, obsessing about how Arthas stole Jaina Proudmoore from him, and he needs revenge in time for the Dalaran Academy dance.

“Hey, I just remembered, you guys would have been there for all that Arthas in ripped stonewash jeans, shoving Kael’thas into a locker stuff. Beat, ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-beat, gooooo Dalaran!

“Anyway. Wow, I keep going off what I memorized. I need a minute.” Dannox winces laughter and pinches at the bridge of his nose, before calming down. “So. Faltheriel and his crew were all zealots back then, doing bad things for Kael’thas, but Faltheriel can get right in the danger zone till this day, remembering weird Kael’thas facts and lore, though I do love him. Tempest goes, ‘Look, I’m a Blood Knight and Faltheriel’s intense obsession over Kael’thas even makes me uncomfortable. Dannox, are you sure everything is alright?’

“I go, ‘Eh. It’s all about energy, where you direct it. Faltheriel can revv up his cute little engine all day if he wants to, as long as, at the end of that day, I’m the one who directly benefits.’

Daphne, as Tempest is laughing, ‘Uh… what?’

“I say, ‘It’s called husband physics.’

“And it is, it really is! That’s how you manage a marriage with a fanboy. I’ll only worry if Faltheriel comes home cosplaying and threatens that we need to take an emergency family vacay to Blizzcon. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But when your husband likes to dress up as a succubus… you keep an eye on it. He’s going as Drag Queen Azshara next year, by the way. And there’s rumor of an ‘It’s Raining Men’ act to go with it, but Rachel and I are mostly letting Filthy have his alone time with the costume and his music for now. We’re all really excited. Albeit—each in his own way.

“Later that day, with the Blood Knights you know--the Sunfury finally arrive and it’s time for us to get moving, mount up to go someplace. I’m on my nightsaber. They’re staring at my beast. You would… I say to Daphne, ‘Let’s have somebody ride up front, and then the other person can climb on the back. Don’t worry, Faltheriel and I do it all the time where we’re from.’

“This guy Sunthraze goes, ‘In Darnassus? Or do you mean Silvermoon where Faltheriel’s from?’

“I say, ‘Wait, my wife wouldn’t want me to finish that joke.’

“Sometimes, Faltheriel does really get annoyed with me when I make those kinds of jokes with his colleagues. I mean, they are his coworkers after all. I guess that’s unkind in a way. But that’s also okay because my husband and I like to fight. Or, that other thing that begins with the letter ‘F’.

“That one too obvious? I can be subtle as well. I’m a centaur if you don’t think about that too much.”

“Now, please ask yourselves... Why was that not put in as one of the male Night Elf pickup lines? It’s excellent.”

Dannox then kindly leans down to the first row again, “While we’re on the topic, ma’am, I see that you’re smiling now. I knew you would. But I wanted to say, I am very sorry that you didn’t want that lap dance before. These are my emergency tear-away pants, as well. They’re not just awesome fitted slacks. But I need you to know, it’s too late now. Like the Goblins say, ‘If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!’ he snaps, pretending to have real attitude.

He straightens up again, as the laughter dies down, “…Well, in my case, a giant cock ring.”

A raucous reaction spreads from the cheap seats. The laughter makes it hard to hear the next part, as the woman begins talking and gesturing up at him, “… Huh? Haha!” Dannox leans halfway to listen to her, then attempts to stop his own laughter, “After the show? Really?! Wow, you’ve come a long way. Alright, I give in. Ladies and gentlemen, please clap for Offended Lady, I’ve got a convert! Welcome to the dark side. But you’ll have to run fast after the lap dance, my wife’s here somewhere. Thanks, Offended Lady, I’m so glad we’re cool now. Come find me on Tumblr later, too. I can’t follow you back, but I promise you won’t regret it.

“Well, back to me and my husband. Sometimes, I have to be reminded that I’ve got one... Oh! So Faltheriel and me arguing and fighting--it’s alright, really…

“I try not to pull on Faltheriel’s hair unless I mean it.

“Actually, when we first met, it was better. When we first met, I told Faltheriel I was a baker. Go on, you can ask me, ‘Why is that?’

“Well, you don’t let strange men glaze your buns, obviously.

“I really love that joke. I tell that one a lot. You know, usually, there’s an upstanding person nearby—not you, ma’am. We already addressed that, like I said, and you kindly booked me tonight from 12-12:07am,” Dannox gives a sly wink and checks his watch, “But usually it’s someone with these excellent manners who warns that I’m a horrible person. Like I didn’t know that already, but it’s their duty to glare up here, gasp all shocked and say that. Do you know what I tell people who act like that? After I tell the joke, ‘You don’t let strange men glaze your buns, obviously.’ Then they say, ‘Dannox, you are a horrible person.’

“I clarify, ‘No… I’m a baker.’

“Very innocent, just like that. Even funnier when, truth is, I do know how to bake. But I only let Faltheriel find that out years later. I waited until after we got engaged before I baked him anything. I was far more serious about the success of that baker joke than our relationship.

“But it’s true, Faltheriel and I like to fight. We always have. Though, mostly, it’s wrestling. Before bedtime. Aaaaand in this corner…” Dannox raises his voice, as if about to call a wrestling match, “they lived happily ever after.

“Also, now that we’ve been married for about a decade, Faltheriel doesn’t always listen to me. Then again, I don’t always face him while we talk… It’s win-win.

“Though, being totally serious now—You know, when I first met Faltheriel, he wasn’t facing me. Do you know how goddam gorgeous you have to be to look like someone’s soul mate from behind?!

“And I’m a good husband to him. I truly am. I make sure that Filthy never falls in the shower, whether he appreciates it or not.

“You know, I once lied to Faltheriel and told him it was still dark outside. He couldn’t get out from under me anyways.

“Another thing, Faltheriel and I don’t always communicate well. Sometimes, we just grunt and slap each other’s thighs a lot.” Dannox, now raising his voice over the laughter, “Is that weird? Maybe other couples don’t do that as much, I don’t know.

“Being married to such a beautiful man is hard. God, it gets so hard. Sorry—was that a low blow? I’ll put it away now. Though it’s been going on for so long, I’ll have to roll it up, first.

“Anyway, sometimes I say this thing to my husband when it’s bedtime and he’s not in the mood. I totally respect him for that, I do… But I say to him, ‘Filthy--’ I guess that’s his pet name when he’s being adorable, or really irritating. Both a fun challenge for me. I realize I keep switching in and out of that, I tell him, ‘Filthy, I don’t mind if you’re too tired. You can sleep, honey. Just lie on your stomach, and loosen up first.’”

Dannox hangs in there, through a mixture of booing and hard laughter, “See? It’s so simple! It is so simple to make a good marriage, you guys. A dirty, dirty marriage with a lovely woman who puts up with us and a man who used to work for the Burning Legion, and who can END you if your jokes ever fail to land.

“I can tell you, if you don’t like these jokes, that’s fine. You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve already suffered enough. It was bombs over Shadowmoon Valley while I honed this joke routine in my house, I promise.

“By the way, don’t try that at home. Don’t try my sense of humor at your beloved home, not unless you enjoy having done to you what my husband used to do to his prisoners-slash-victims. Well, he still does it. But I-I get out sometimes.” Dannox rolls his big shoulder, pretends to twitch, “Like tonight.

“But I do find Faltheriel irresistible, so I admit that I keep trying to get into trouble with him. This one time, Faltheriel was really fussing at me, he really wanted me to leave him alone so he could read. Now I don’t know if I’m extra horny because I’m a big Night Elf compared to him—he’s a Blood Elf, I hope the Kael’thas thing gave that away—or because I’m just, well, totally nasty all the time, so much so, I like to give my husband a nickname that stops him from forgetting that I’m a dirty alpha male in this thing and I own his glorious ass… Told you I’d explain later in the show and that you didn’t want to know… But anyway, one evening while Filthy was downstairs reading and ignoring me like that, I just decided to compromise.

“I say to him, ‘Fine, let’s play a game to pass the time. I’ll be good if you’re good.’ He’s sensible, so he says, ‘Deal. What would you like to play, darling?’ He goes for the checkerboard. Then I said, ‘Faltheriel, this game I have is so fun. This is so easy. I’ll love it. It goes like this. Can you bend over the couch and not move for a half hour?’ He’s a sweetie and too trusting at times, so he actually does it. Then I say, ‘Also, this is one of those games where you can’t say ‘No.’

“I got slapped for that. It’s really bad when another man slaps you to defend his honor. And of course, truth be told… I liked it. Poor Faltheriel.

“Elune above, my Blood Elf husband is cute! He is so yummy. Fun fact, Faltheriel only wanted a sweet little hug last night, but in for a penny, in for a pounding.

“Though, the Cenarion Circle is probably going to come back into our lives, I think, to take Filthy away and try to find him a forever home.

“I mean, a new home with a good mummy and daddy. And walks in the park that don’t involve shagging behind the trees. And no bear-bottom spankings. Horny druid husbands are the worst, I should know.

“On another night, I told Faltheriel my balls were lonely. He brought his over to play.

“Awww, so sweet of him. Also, Faltheriel is really good at sex, but I would never tell him that. I just ask him to keep trying.

“Another thing about us, I almost forgot. When I first met Faltheriel, I got naked fast. He didn’t like it at the beginning, but he loved it in the end.

“And once, I told Faltheriel I was a piñata so that he wouldn’t stop beating me with it.

“And the most sex Faltheriel and I ever had was on the same night our wife had our first child, our twins. She was… SO mad at us.

“You know, when our wife had the twins—they’re fraternal, one Night Elf, one Blood Elf—Faltheriel forgot for a moment and went wild, accused Rachel of cheating. It was then that I reminded my husband that, um… I have sex with our wife too.

“Uh-huh. That’s right. That’s what you get when you jump to conclusions about your good spouse, Faltheriel.

“He’s not here tonight, actually. Faltheriel couldn’t make it. That’s why I’m really ripping on him, I guess. But my wife’s here, I think I said that earlier. Hi Rach, say hi. She’s a knockout, isn’t she? She’s so sweet and so kind, and hopefully, this wonderful Human woman won’t lock me in my cage later…

“And you know another thing, three-way marriages are interesting. They are so interesting. Women change, their appetites grow or something and you adapt in weird ways. Our wife gets so horny at times, it really does take the two of us. Wow, she looks mad at me now. Guess I shouldn’t have said that. But, then again, when she holds out, it’s like the world is coming to an end for us men.

“Just kidding, Faltheriel and I are perfectly fine.

“Sorry hun, it’s true. You shouldn’tve got us that set of matching spoons for the holidays. It’s just too bad. That cheap gift you got was like homo-erotic Kaja-Cola, it gave us ideas.

“I’m an idiot, I apologize. Anyway, this one time… the best stories start that way, have you noticed? So this one time when Rachel wasn’t there, Faltheriel came straight upstairs after work and found me in bed with another woman. God, he’s so adorable… After I put the mirror back and slipped the pink scrunchie from his soft, soft, ponytail, he calmed down and it was an amazing night.

“Seriously, though. My husband Faltheriel is so man-pretty, we only realized our wife had none of her own lingerie like… a week ago? And we’d been together for ten years? Yeah, it’s like that.

“So Faltheriel buys me my own lingerie, for once. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like any of the fuzzy, silky, or bright colored stuff he brought home. Eh, the see-through stuff was okay. The really super-short, see through stuff I was already poking out of, that we could do each other in immediately—that, I liked. Nice guy, but he really wasted his money on me, I tell ya.

“Alright, last joke. It’s June and I know everyone’s hot in here. You’re all ready to finish up and call it a night. So I’ll try and end on a respectable note.

“It isn’t June? Well, I know that, I don’t care. Listen to the joke, goddammit.

“Ahhh, my wonderful husband, Filthy,” to rising, expectant laughter, “Faltheriel ‘Filthy’ Darkweaver has the best ass in the world. It feels like I’m fucking a magical rainbow in there. Was that one too obvious, because it’s Pride Month? Did you know that big, horny, sweaty, well-hung unicorns fuck rainbows? Nice image. Yeah, enjoy your Pride Month.”

Dannox nervously puts the microphone back and waves once, while people scream laughter. “If you liked my set, please tell the very nice Legerdemain Lounge staff. I’d love to come back. Oh, I never said my whole name. I’m Dannox Silvermoon Darkweaver. That’s right. That was my real last name, I was a dream come true when my Blood Elf husband finally found me and saved me. For me, every day is Pride Month because I’m so proud of my family and so happy to be here these days. It wasn’t always like that.

“And Rachel honey, I’m so grateful to you for loving me and letting me be me. I’m coming straight home to you baby… after this one lap dance,” an anxious laugh, as Dannox checks his watch, “Uh. I want to thank you all for a lovely show. Night, everybody.”

More whistles and another round of cheers. Then, the Night Elf man confidently jogs off-stage.

…

Aww, thanks for reading this far if you made it!

Were you in the audience? What do you have to shout out, or ask Dannox after his set? He might respond.

@elendeare

[thesloppiestbitch]

And They Were Roommates - Lucy Boynton x F!Reader P1

A/N: Lucy is my wife and I’m very gay, so enjoy my ramblings about how badly I want to kiss her that I somehow managed to turn into a cheesy fanfic. This is long so buckle up. The word count is listed on my masterlist, for those interested. I don’t know if this needs to be stated or not, but for the purpose of this story and to make it easier for me to write, the reader is a lesbian, simply because it made it easier for me to focus on Lucy than it would’ve had she been bi or pan. I am not trying to belittle those sexualities though! Also, this is a college AU (I guess???), but the boys are still in it (aside from Rami, simply because I couldn’t find a way to fit him in). And I’m Canadian, so I apologize for any inaccuracies or mistakes I make about British colleges. AND I’m splitting this into two parts (read part two here!) just because I hit the spacing limit and I didn’t want to compromise my writing style to make it fit. I tried, and I hated it.

Summary: Being assigned a roommate was the last thing [Name] wanted, but being forced to room with this cute girl couldn’t be all bad, right?

Warning(s): Swearing, alcohol, fluff

"Mum, I'm fine, I can drive myself," You insisted, throwing your final suitcase into the back of your car.

"Nonsense! I can do it; plus, I'd love to fit in some more time before you're gone till Christmas," She cooed, reaching up to pinch your cheek. You swatted her hand away before she could do so, sparking her to frown in frustration.

"I'm nineteen, I can handle myself. Plus, I don't even know if I'll be home for Christmas,"

She only shook her head, taking the keys from your finger where they had been dangling loosely by the key ring. "It's still months away, we can discuss it when it's closer. Just get in, please."

You huffed, finally giving in.

*

The drive to the college was long, especially since your mother wouldn't let you choose any music. If you'd had your way, or had been driving by yourself like you wanted, the only thing that would've been playing would have been old rock bands, but your mother despised them and you figured it wasn't worth the fight. Once you'd moved into your dorm, you could play all the rock music you wanted.

As your mum pulled out the suitcases and boxes from the trunk and backseat of your small blue car, you went to find the head-office to check where your room was.

When you walked in, you found that it was rather quite. Silently, you thanked whatever may be out there that you got lucky and hit a slow patch as you walked towards the man who looked to be about your age or a year or two older who was holding a clipboard.

You plastered on a smile as he turned to face you. "Hi," You spoke sweetly. "I was wondering who I could talk to about rooming?"

"That would be me," He smiled, speaking with an American accent. "What can I do for you?"

"My name is [Name] [Last Name], and I never got a letter or email or anything saying where my dorm would be. I was just curious if you had it somewhere?"

He glanced down at the papers on the clipboard, lightly lifting one to find your name. "You're in the third building, room twenty-nine, and you're sharing with—"

"I paid extra for a single room," You interrupted, worry flooding your system.

"I'm sorry, [Name], but there must've been a mistake. All rooms here are shared, I can't imagine where you would've paid that extra money to..."

"Great, just great." You muttered. "I'm sorry, I don't want this to seem like I'm taking it out on you, I know it's not your fault, it's just frustrating."

He laughed softly, lowering the board. "It's alright, I understand your frustration."

You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. "Who am I rooming with?"

"A girl named Lucy,"

You nodded. "Thank you..." You trailed off, hoping he would give you his name. He was a very nice and kind guy whom you'd like to have around more if possible.

"Joe," He smiled again.

"Thank you, Joe. I hope to see you around again,"

"And I you,"

You giggled softly at his odd wording before returning to your car to help your mother.

*

Hours passed and you were finally set up in a way that would be pleasing for the time being, despite it not being perfect. Your mother was long gone, your dad having picked her up so you could keep your car with you, and you finally had the freedom to play your music. Your stereo was one of the first things you set up, but you didn't turn anything on in case your roommate showed up. You internally hoped she wouldn't show up at all and you'd get your single room.

Just as you flipped on the album Queen II and White Queen began to play, the door to the small space peeked open. Blonde hair fell and became visible before the girl's face did. Your thoughts all immediately stopped as all your focus turned to how beautiful she was, and she wasn't even wearing any makeup.

"Hi," She smiled. "Are you [Name]? I'm worried I may have the wrong room..."

You blinked roughly a few times, trying to draw your attention back enough to form an answer. "Yes, I am. And you must be Lucy," You replied, smiling.

"Oh, thank God," She sighed, seemingly exhausted. "Yes, I am. It's very nice to meet you, [Name]. I hate to be a bother, but would you mind helping me with some of these boxes? My parents has to leave right away so it's just me,"

Suddenly, you were very glad your mum had dropped you off. "Of course!"

After helping Lucy get settled in, you two had began to talk, hoping to get to know each other better. You'd already covered all the basics: where're you from, do you have any siblings, any childhood pets, etc.

"Have you met anyone around campus?" Lucy asked, sitting cross-legged on the end of your bed.

"Just you and a boy who was in charge of rooming. I think his name was Joe? He had red-ish hair and an American accent,"

"Ah, yes! I've met him too. Quite a sweet one, isn't he?"

"Seems to be," You giggled. "Have you met anyone?"

"Not really, just you, Joe, and a few friends from primary school,"

You nodded in acknowledgment.

"They've invited me out tonight, would you care to join us?"

"Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude on a reunion,"

"You wouldn't! Come on, come meet them, they'll love you! Maybe we'll run into some cute guys," She winked.

"Yeah," You laughed out. Though guys aren't really what I'm interested in... "Alright, I'll come,"

She smiled, clapping her hands together. "Yay! I can't wait for you to meet them!"

You smiled as well at how happy she was. She barely knew you and already she wanted to introduce you to her friends? That was fast. Though, the two of you did seem to be clicking rather fast as well.

*

That night, Lucy dragged you out to a pub not far from campus. Her friends seemed to be running a little late, but she didn't let that put a damper on the mood.

The two of you ordered drinks and went to where Lucy said they'd usually meet for drinks.

"Do you go out often with them?" You asked, sipping some fruity drink Lucy had recommended.

She nodded, sipping from her straw. "Gwil and Ben usually drag me out every other weekend. And if it's not them, Allen seems to," She laughed softly to herself.

You nodded.

Just as you were about to say something else, three men joined you two at the table. A tall brunette with a beard sat beside Lucy, pecking her cheek. A shorter brunette sat beside him, greeted Lucy and sat quietly after that. A blonde sat next to you, immediately engaging the tall one in a conversation that seemed to be carrying on from before. You only sat quietly, not wanting to interrupt anything.

After the blonde finished his story with a low laugh, Lucy took the lull in conversation as an opportunity to introduce you.

"Guys," She began, gaining the attention of everyone at the table. "This," She motioned to you. "Is [Name], my roommate and new friend. We've gotten to know each other quite well over the past few hours, and I can easily say, she'll be part of the group in no time,"

The boys all smiled at you before turning back to Lucy.

"It is alright to introduce yourselves, you know," She jokes, sipping from her straw again.

Silence fell over the table before the one with a beard spoke up. "Alright, I suppose I'll go first then, yeah?" He shot a dirty look to the other two, jokingly, of course. "I'm Gwilym, it's very nice to meet you, [Name]," He stuck out his hand for you to shake, which you did.

"And you," You nodded, smiling.

"The other two are Ben," He gestured to the blonde. "And Allen," The shorter brunette.

You gave them both nods and smiles which they returned.

What could've turned into an awkward night quickly turned into one of the best you'd had in years. You immediately clicked with all these people, and, though it may have been the alcohol in your system, you found yourself opening up to them and being more out there than usual, which was rare. Usually, you were very quiet and reserved around new people, but all that went out the window with these new people you were happy to be able to call your friends by the end of the night.

The next morning, you woke up with one hell of a headache. You didn't think you'd had that much to drink, but it didn't help that you'd hardly eaten the day prior and alcohol on an empty stomach doesn't exactly do much to your tolerance level...

You sat up with a groan, dragging your hands through the hair. Suddenly, you were even more grateful that you'd left your mornings open, only electing one class and two in the afternoon. You were also grateful that it didn't take many classes to get your art major.

Lucy sat up in her bed, doing the same as you. Apparently, both of you had gotten a bit carried away with the drinks last night.

"When's your first class?" You mumbled just loud enough for her to hear, but not loud enough to make either headache worse.

"Eleven. You?"

You nodded slightly. "Eleven. What time is it now?"

She glanced at the alarm clock beside her bed. "Eleven thirty."

"Great,"

"Yeah. Good thing most classes don't start till tomorrow. People are still moving in today."

"Thank God," You muttered, laying back down quickly, making your headache worse. "Fuck!"

Lucy laughed softly. "You good?"

"Piss off."

"Awe, I'm glad you already feel close enough to me to tell me to piss off, knowing I'll take it as a joke," She said in a sickeningly sweet voice, attempting to make you laugh.

"Lucy, I swear on any other day I'd find your tone hilarious, but right now, this headache is making me want to die."

"Such a great feeling, isn't it?"

"Oh, just the best. Do you have any Advil?"

"Nope,"

"Wonderful."

The day went on, and, with it, your headache slowly disappeared, as did Lucy's. This led to the two of you trying to decide on an "aesthetic", as Lucy had referred to it, for the dorm.

"I like the idea of using some houseplants to lighten the space," Lucy said, referring back to your original idea.

"And I think you're right, some sheer curtains would definitely help open the place up a bit more," You thought out loud.

A light knock at the door broke your concentration.

"You expecting someone?" You asked her.

She shook her head and shrugged, answering. "Oh, hello, Joe!" She greeted happily, opening the door more to invite him in.

You joined her at the door, smiling at the red-head in front of you. "Hi, Joe,"

"Hey, guys," He responded with a smile. "I'm just going around to make sure everyone found their rooms okay. Seems like you two have, so I'll be on my way. It was nice seeing you two again,"

"You too!" Lucy called after him as he turned away, making his way towards the next room down the hall.

You followed him, stopping him before he could knock on the next door. "What're you studying?"

"Film, why?"

"Does that mean you have to take any art classes? Y'know, because of the claymation and animation and stuff that they cover?"

"Yes, I'm in Art 340, 430, and 460. Why?"

You smiled. "I was hoping to take a few classes with you, and turns out I do. Would you be willing to sit with me for 460?"

He returned your smile and nodded. "I'd like that. Might be nice to sit with someone I already sort of know,"

You nodded. "Agreed. Better than sitting by some weirdo,"

"I don't know you very well yet, [Name], you could be that weirdo,"

The two of you laughed before you let him continue with his work.

When you returned to the dorm, Lucy gave you a telling smile. You rolled your eyes. "What?"

"Do you like him?"

You laughed harder than you should've. "No!"

"Yes you do!"

"Lucy, please believe me when I say I have no interest in any of the boys at school,"

"Well when you put it that way, you make it seem like we're in high school!"

You shook your head, laughing and let the conversation drop.

*

In class, you were bored out of your mind. The intermediate sculpture class you were in seemed like it would only be covering what you'd already learned in your advanced high school art class, but you needed it to get into advanced sculpture. You sighed, resting your head on your hand as you tried not to doze off to the prof's boring instructions about how to properly knead the clay.

Instead of actually focusing, your mind began to wander, as it so often does. You began to think about how close you'd gotten with Lucy over the past two days. You smiled upon thinking of her and her beautiful blonde hair... her freckles nose... her sweet eyes... her plump, kissable lips.

You say up straight, eyes wide. No, I can't think of her like that! I just met her!

You sighed, deciding it would be better to just focus on the lecture rather than how badly you wanted to take Lucy's face in your hands and gently press your lips against hers...

Goddamit, [Name], control yourself!

A deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth seemed to help you focus again.

But not for long. The girl in front of you had hair the same shade as Lucy's making it impossible for you to stop thinking about her.

It's just a crush, it'll pass! They always do.

But did you really want this one to pass? Or did you want this one to actually go somewhere and lead to a future with the gorgeous blonde in it?

That's a question for another time...

When you arrived back at the dorm that night, you immediately plopped onto your bed. You could hear Lucy giggling at your actions from her bed.

"Long day?"

"You don't know the half of it,"

"You can tell me about it if you want. I've been told I'm a great listener. My advice, on the other hand is a little iffy,"

You smiled, eyes grazing over the ceiling. "Alright. There's this... Person I've met recently and I can't stop thinking about he— them. They're always on my mind, and it's distracting me from my studies. I know it's just a crush, but part of me wonders what a future for us could be like... What should I do?"

She bummed as she thought. "If It were me, I'd just tell him," You winced slightly at the word. "I mean, any guy would be lucky to have you, and if he can't see all your great qualities, you don't need to have him in your life."

You nodded.

"Is it Joe?"

"Lucy!" You sat up, eyes wide in shock at her question.

She giggled. "It's just a question, [Name]!"

"No, it is not Joe!"

She gave you a little bit of side eye. "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm bloody sure! God!"

She laughed harder this time, glad she was able to poke fun at you like this. "I'm just taking the piss, [Name],"

You flopped back on your bed as she spoke.

"So," She began, shifting in her bed. You could hear the springs squeak. "The boys have invited us for supper tonight. Care to join?"

"Us? They asked for me to come as well?"

"Yes,"

"They asked for me specifically?"

"Yes! What's so hard to believe about that?"

"Never mind. I'd love to,"

"Great! We're leaving in ten,"

You groaned in response, earning another laugh from your roommate.

*

"So... We were kicked out of the lecture hall today," Ben began sheepishly, pushing some food around his plate with a fork.

"How in the hell did that happen?" Gwilym spoke up, stopping mid-sip of his soda.

"It was Allen's fault!"

"What!" Allen asked in disbelief. "You're the one who decided it would be a good idea to see how many pencils you could fit in the girl ahead of us' hair!"

"I'm sorry, how did that lead to getting kicked out?" You asked through a giggle.

"Well, you see, the thing was—" Ben began.

"It doesn't help that she was the prof's daughter and it really doesn't help that she was originally kicked out for being disruptive because she told Ben to stop rather loud—" Allen cut him off.

"She yelled at me in the middle of a lecture!" He defended. "Not my bloody fault she can't take a damn joke,"

Lucy and you shared a look as you shook your head at their childishness.

Once there was a lull in the conversation, you spoke up, unsure of when you'd have another opportunity. "Thanks for inviting me out again, you guys really didn't have to."

"Nonsense," Gwil spoke. "We really enjoy your company,"

"Plus, you seem to be one of the only people who can keep Ben, here, at bay," Allen added, flinching slightly after speaking. You assumed Ben had kicked him.

"You're definitely someone we want to keep around," Ben commented, completely ignoring Allen's comment.

You felt a small blush rise to your cheeks. "Thanks," You mumbled, looking down. You hadn't expected to be accepted into the group so quickly; if anything, you would've thought they'd invited you along again because they fely the need to befriend Lucy's new friend. But, you were happy with the new reasoning.

"So, [Name], have you got a boyfriend?" Allen asked nonchalantly, cutting his food.

You were a little taken aback by this, but answered anyways. "No, I'm afraid I'm all alone,"

"But she's got a crush on the guy in charge of rooms!" Lucy chimed in.

You lightly kicked her under the table. "I do not!"

"That American?" Ben asked, raising an eyebrow.

You rested your head in your palms, knowing they wouldn't listen to you any more.

"Yes, that's the one!"

The conversation about your non-existent feelings for Joe carried on for a few more moments before the waiter came to the table once more to take away plates and refill drinks. After he left, the conversation seemed to shift again, thankfully.

You wished you could just be more open and tell them the exact reason why you didn't have feelings for Joe, but you couldn't being yourself to do so for fear of the group rejecting you. So, you endured the teasing every time the man walked past or you were seen walking back to the dorms with him after class simply because it was easier.

*

A month into the school year and you already felt exhausted. Thankfully, it was the weekend, so you wouldn't have to worry about Art History's for a few days. Though, you did have plans to join Joe and help him with a Digital Studio project he was struggling with that you'd done in high school. Seeing as you were the only one he knew in the class, it seemed easier to ask you for help, rather than ask the prof who already didn't like him.

That afternoon, you went to Joe's dorm to help him. Though, you didn't really end up helping very much, as the two of you spent most of the time just talking. You felt oddly close to him, despite only knowing him for a month. It was like the two of you were soulmates, just not in the traditional way.

"So, got your eye on any boys around campus?" Joe asked, working on poorly photoshopping a picture.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that!" You groaned, flopping back on his bed.

"Well, I didn't realize that was such a touchy subject for you,"

"It's just— ugh! Y'know?"

He laughed. "Yes, [Name], because that makes perfect sense,"

"Thank you, I thought I explained it quite well," You joked, laughing as well, hoping the conversation would change.

But, of course, it didn't.

"Seriously, though, what's up?"

"I'm just... Don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you, okay?"

"Okay..."

"I have feelings for Lucy, and I'm gay, so it's just really annoying to always have people asking me about boys and never taking the time to even consider that I might not even like boys!"

"I can see how that'd get frustrating, yeah..."

"That's it? That's your response?"

"What do you want me to do? Freak out? Stop talking to you? Spread it around campus? Tell Lucy? [Name], I'm not gonna do any of that. I don't care that you like to kiss girls rather than guys, so do I! If someone can't accept that you like to do that when I can get away with the same thing, then fuck them. I don't care that you're gay, but I do care that you like Lucy,"

"Wow, that's the best response I've got from anyone yet,"

"So, does she know?"

"Pfft, no, of course not!" You paused, leaning over him to look closer at the screen. "If you used the quick selection tool, you'd get a cleaner background and a nicer overall look,"

Before Joe could respond, your phone lit up, catching both your attention.

"Ooh, a text from Lucy herself!" Joe said excitedly.

"Shut up," You laughed, grabbing your phone to read the message.

'I've had a rough day, and, honestly, all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with.'

Joe snatched your phone from your hands and began to type a response before you could get it back. He sent it, lightly tossing your phone over his shoulder.

"Joseph!" You scolded, grabbing your phone.

"What? I just scored you a date!"

'I can help with the drinks. Wanna hit up a pub later?'

"I'm gonna kill you—"

The vibration of the phone caught your attention again.

'That'd be perfect. I'll invite the boys, if you're okay with that?'

'Sounds good :)'

"Someone's got a date~," Joe sang out.

"It's not a date!"

*

"Five tequila shots, please," Lucy spoke to the bartender as soon your group had entered the bar.

"Five?" You asked, a little concerned.

"Five." She states, quickly downing the shots as soon as they were set on the bar.

"Maybe you should slow down a little, Luce," Ben commented, placing a hand on the small of your back to gently move you away from Lucy so he was closer and she could hear him over the noise.

You took a seat beside them, suddenly feeling a little jealous of how close Ben could get to her without anyone asking any questions.

"I'm fine, Ben." Lucy responded, downing the last shot before ordering the strongest drink the pub offered.

You sighed, just getting a plain gin and tonic before following the group as they went to their table. Everyone had a drink in hand, aside from Allen who was DD'ing for the night.

A few hours passed as the four of you got progressively more tipsy. When it finally got to the point where it seemed like Allen may have to carry the group out to the car, he made the executive decision to cut everyone off.

Obviously, being drunk and all, the four of you protested like children being told they couldn't have any more candy, but that passed once he actually got everyone out of the pub.

Once inside his car, Gwil and Ben began to raid Allen's CD collection to try to find a "banger", as Ben had to elegantly put it, for the drive back to the dorms. No one could agree on anything, so Allen just flipped on the radio. A pop station turned on, to which Ben feigned a gag and flipped to an old rock station that you remembered listening to with your dad as a little kid.

Much to the only sober person's dismay, Don't Stop Me Now came blaring over the speakers which was only drowned out momentarily by excited, drunken screams. Soon enough, the vehicle was filled with the four of you singing wildly off-key. When it got to the final chorus, you were practically laying across Lucy's lap as you belted out the words that you could only half remember. She laughed loudly, throwing her head back as you gave an over-the-top expression when the song ended, pretending you'd just finished the performance of a lifetime.

"Alright rock stars," Allen began, putting the car in park. "We're at the dorms. Are all of you capable of finding your way back to your rooms or do I need to guide you there, too?"

Lucy waved him off. "Pfft, we'll be fine. [Name] and I got each other to rely on in case we get lost," She slurred, throwing an arm over your shoulders. "Might need to guide the boys, though. I don't think they know where they are," She stage whispered the last part, throwing open the car door on her side, dragging you up with her.

Eventually, the two of you had managed to find your room after what felt like forever.

"I'm exhausted!" Lucy huffed, falling onto her bed, patting the space beside her. "Come sit with me,"

You reluctantly sat with her, unsure of what you'd say in your drunken state. However, if you did do something you'd regret, the good news was, she wouldn't remember anything.

"I want to watch a movie!" She whined.

You giggled. "Which one?"

"Ooh, Lady And The Tramp!" She clapped excitedly.

You laughed again, standing to put the disk in before joining her on her bed once again, the springs squeaking under your weight.

All throughout the movie, Lucy began to get closer to you. Eventually, she was laying her head across your chest and you were rubbing your fingers through her hair. It wasn't a romantic gesture, just something you started to do, not even thinking twice about it. Though, you began to think she might be weirded out by your actions, so you stopped, earning a small whine from her, so you giggled and continued.

When the movie got to the most famous scene where the dogs slurped spaghetti, you decided you may as well just confess your feelings to her. Though, had you been sober, the thought wouldn't have even crossed your mind. You knew this was a complete 180 from where you were at the beginning of the night, but neither of you would remember it, so did it really matter?

"Lucy," You whispered, looking down at her.

She turned her head to look at you, smiling. "Yeah?"

"I, um, have something to tell you,"

She sat up, crossing her legs and resting her hands on her feet. "You can tell me anything,"

"Uh..." You looked around the room; anywhere but her.

She placed a hand on your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze to reassure you.

You closed your eyes, sighing. "I... Have feelings for you,"

She didn't say anything, worrying you. Just as you opened your eyes to see what her expression was, you saw her leaning towards you.

Before you knew it, you were kissing the girl you'd been thinking about nonstop for the last month, and it was everything you hoped it would be.

Joe's gonna lose his shit, You thought, smiling into the kiss. Soon after, your hands found their way into her short, blonde hair and hers snaked around the back of your neck, deepening the kiss.

[ashenpages]

Current Fic Ideas & Emoji Voting Key

Quick disclaimer that I’m a romance writer in all aspects of the term, so most of my fics will contain mature content. Engage at your own risk, you know the rules, you’re responsible for curating your own experience of the internet, blah blah blah. This post serves as a current mock up of fic ideas I’m either actively working on or considering working on next. You can drop me an ask about any of them, or just vote via the emoji combo I’ve assigned them.

Voting lets me know you’re excited about an idea and makes it more likely I’ll actually work on it. You can vote anytime, there’re no deadlines or winner announcements, just me gauging your interest by what I see in my ask box most often.

You can also ask me about the original stuff I’m working on currently. The current WIPs are Medusa centric and the emoji for them is: 🐍

- Lupin: 🤑🤠💍  These are all oneshot ideas, between 5-15K each. If you want to vote for a specific idea, send me the emojis and the number of the idea. 

Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon always play rock-paper-scissors after a big heist to decide who’ll give the group a striptease, and who will get showered with money. Based on a piece of fanart that is basically this sequence of events in a 4koma (except in their version Jigen loses and in mine, it’s Goemon). (written, just needs editing)

Zenigata cuffs Lupin four times, and Lupin steals his heart. Very NSFW conclusion. Zenigata is the most caring lover you’ll ever find. Lupin is as thirsty as usual and twice as intense. (written, just needs editing)

Jigen protects Lupin from poison darts during a treasure hunt in an Aztec temple, and Lupin nurses him back to help--forcibly, since Jigen is a horrible patient. Born from my desire to spoil Jigen and talk about what ridiculous domestic husbands these two are. (WIP)

Born from the idea that Goemon and Zenigata probably couldn’t be an item, my brain decided to come up with how I could write for them. Goemon’s teaching an ikebana class as part of his training, and Zenigata shows up as a student on forced recreational leave for his health from the ICPO. Zenigata wins the samurai’s heart through flowers. But what happens when Lupin and Jigen find out? (Only good sexy things, I promise. These beans are in a healthy polycule--be gay, do crimes)

Trans!Lupin and Trans!Jigen premise: Jigen cares for Lupin after the master thief has top surgery, since Jigen has Been There and Done That. Caring, sweet, and a little sexy. Lupin is a much better patient than Jigen.

- Sonic Vampire Novelist Coffee Shop AU: 📚☕💐 

Shadow is an immortal vampire who has seen the world change for the worse too many times. These days it feels like he only lives for his coffee dates with Rouge, another immortal who loves each new era they encounter, warts and all. He has to admit that the book series she got him into speaks to him, at least. If someone in this era can understand him without meeting him, it can’t all be bad. But he hardly expected the goofy blue barista at the new coffee place to understand him the way those books do.

This is a novel length romcom romp with some big feelings about what it means to watch as things change, grow, and die. Expect lots of Big gothic feelings from this one, emotionally charged kissing, and overly-adoring sex. But also expect shenanigans from everyone in the coffee shop, which include Rouge, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Cream, and more.

- Sonic Blazamy: 💖🌸💎

Amy Rose has been in love with Sonic for a while.

Or has she?

When the Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver are trapped as the fuel sources for Doctor Eggman’s newest evil scheme, Amy teams up with Blaze, Rouge, and Cream to save them. With Sonic out of the picture and Amy fulfilling his role, was she ever really in love with him? Or did she just want to be like him?

This is a novel length epic romance with lots of competent women and lots of romantic Blazamy content. Expect flowery hopes and dreams, badass self-actualization, and glancing hand touches that give way to cuddly and sweet sex.

- Persona 5: 🗡🍛☕

After bringing down the Metaverse twice, Ryuji didn’t think graduating high school and figuring out what to do with his life would be so hard. Akira’s back in town, and the gang’s more-or-less all in Tokyo, but everyone else seems to have a plan while Ryuji just floats. How’s he supposed to change the world when he’s not a phantom thief anymore?

This is a novel length fic that addresses how powerless one can feel being just one person in the face of all the corrupted systems and bigotry the world has to offer. It’s about holding on to what you believe in, working through the doubt, and fighting your way to a better tomorrow with the power you do have. The whole gang is queer, featured relationships being Mako x Ann, Ryuji x Akira, Futaba & Yusuke as platonic life partners. Akira is polyamorous and omnisexual, Futaba’s asexual and aromantic while Yusuke is demisexual and very romantic, Makoto’s a lesbian, Ann and Ryuji are bi, and Haru’s pansexual, demisexual, and aromantic. They’re one giant band of queer Phantom Thieves, and even if they’re not really doing the Metaverse thing anymore, they’re still gonna save the world!

Also, I’m gonna make Makoto not a cop. That super didn’t age well. Zenkichi and his boss can work on making them better/abolishing them for other better organizations.

- Hades Game: ❤️‍🔥💀

Oneshot. I just really need to elaborate on the threesome you can have with them in-game, okay? Healthy and canon poly relationships are so few and far between, so often I have to do a ton of groundwork to explain why it’s working in the fic, but NOT WITH THESE KIDS!

Get ready for Meg helping Zag and Than be better at expressing their feelings, lots of kissing, and probably pegging.

- Castlevania Animation Trevor/Sypha/Alucard: 🧛🏰🛌 

Castlevania gave Alucard a threesome last season, and I just really need S4 to give me him being taken care of by his partners. They’re probably not going to give it to me, so I’ll need to do it myself. This is just an everybody loves Alucard oneshot, with the gang’s signature banter (to an extent), Sypha being sexy, and Trever being remarkably sincere. This fic is gonna feel like that Ann Hathaway picture with Trevor kissing Alucard and Sypha holding the end of Trevor’s whip while she leans her head on Alucard’s shoulder adoringly.

- Devil May Cry Nico/Lady/Trish: 💋✨😈 

Nico’s gay, okay? Like really, really gay. And Lady’s bi and not into men who make her pay bills, but very into women who make amazing guns for her and demonesses with hearts who fight by her side. Trish is ace, but loves people and is pretty attached to Lady at this point. Plus it’s cute when Lady blushes and says nice things like they’re insults. I don’t have super solid ideas for them yet, and I envision these more like a polycule where Lady’s with Nico and with Trish but they’re not with each other more than seeing it as a threesome, but who knows what might happen. This is probably 1-2 oneshots depending on ideas, but might turn into a series of oneshots if people are interested (or I can’t control myself and inspiration strikes).

- Post FMA:B Blind Roy & No Alchemy Ed: 👀👑🙏

This is actually an old novel-length fic I wrote ages ago and didn’t post that didn’t turn out well because I was new to writing sex when I first wrote it. The plot is good, and is all about Roy learning to work with his blindness to reclaim his ambition of being Fuhrer and changing the system to something that actually cares for its people. He and Ed reconnect, fall into bed, and both set about working through their respective traumas about being “useless” having lost their sight/alchemy. They go to Xing as an ambassadorial party to offer Amestris’s collaboration on Al and May’s Alkahestry experiments--and uncover a plot that might threaten both kingdoms.

- Age of Calamity continuity Mipha x Revali: 🦚🐟💘

The first time Revali noticed Mipha, it was in the heat of battle. She stole his mark, taking them down with a flurry of quick blows from her spear. Violence rained from her like water--and then she healed him on her way to her next battle. No questions, no conditions, just pure kindness. The usual need to measure himself against those around him was quiet in her wake. And Revali couldn’t understand it. But how to get to know more about her? A fish and bird may fall in love, but where would they live?

This fic could be a oneshot or novel length depending on how far down the hole I fall. I need it to cover time, but it could be done in linked vignettes or with actually covering events in detail. I may elect to do a oneshot just to get it done and out of my system faster. So much fic to write, so little time.

Expect trans!Revali, polyamorous Zoras, scary competent Mipha, songbird Revali, love confessions that are made up entirely of berating Link for not loving Mipha the way she wants him to, and breaking these characters a little outside of their assigned roles in BotW and Age of Calamity. Background Link x Zelda, and Urbosa x Zelda’s Mom.

- Epic desert romance about Urbosa and Zelda’s mom: 🏜🏝⚡

I just think Urbosa should kiss women and Zelda’s mom should get more development and maybe a name or something. Also, lightning imagery/metaphors/play.

It also went way over my head that Riju wasn’t Urbosa’s daughter the first time I played BotW, so now I want to write about the Gerudo queen who refused to produce an heir. The Gerudo are fascinating and have a very interesting cutlure, but I think it could be examined from a nonbinary perspective that rejected pregnancy and wanting to find a husband. Not in like a hateful way, but in a way that examines if that’s really right for everyone. There’s that shop in town that sells Voe armor, after all. Maybe finding a husband and having children isn’t something you have to do if you don’t want to. And Urbosa really doesn’t want to.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Jared being so AGGRESSIVELY heterosexual in the novel just shows truly just how badly the writers misunderstood the characters, Jared made the comment about getting to second base almost certainly because he was insecure in his sexuality and masculinity, which for all our knowledge probably isn’t even a real event. And if they were trying to show the point above, then it wouldn’t have been so relentless and have impacted everything he did in the book, like UGH

oh god my Notifications didn’t show me this ask but yeah like. god, the entire fact that jared is entirely in love with evan is like, jared’s entire motivation throughout the musical, the plot wouldn’t’ve been able to go the way it did if he wasn’t so wildly desperate for scraps of attention and validation from evan and evan alone

also he is just wildly gay like. excuse the fuck out of me re: the “there’s nothing unrealistic” / “something quite beautiful” lines?? the entire scene of sincerely me is evan and jared just getting more and more in sync with each other and into the flow of things by…roleplaying this emotional intimacy with each other via the safe deniability of proxies?? and jared is Just THAT Jealous of evan and zoe like. there is a whole entire scene where the breaking point in the exchange for jared is merely seeing evan’s gf politely kiss him in greeting. he’s 18739 miles into a crush and it’s RIGHT THERE

like yeah the second base thing is humorously unverifiable like “my girlfriend who goes to a different camp,” also like? even if it is true, it’s like, definitely NOT like wow, jared is the straightest heterosexual of them all!! like it’s really sort of laughably underwhelming like guy coming in to his senior year, and this is the most exciting news he has to offer? like, nice i guess but like, really what’s happening here is that jared’s come in to the first day of school and is trying to posture and has come over to talk to evan entirely of his own volition, listened to him go on about trees and breaking his arm, and then is trying to impress him with these two unimpressive stories from his summer. and like even if you do assume the stories are true its hardly like, uh oh this ladykiller girl-crazy bastard right here!! like, a) people are bi, my dude, and b) jared could be 1000% attracted to guys and still be repressing that shit / have a sexual encounter with a girl, ppl’s sexual histories are Not what defines their sexuality, and c) again, that’s what you focus on? this one moment where jared’s saying he’s touched a girl once is all you can see and the Entire Fuckin Rest Of Jared’s Presence is just like, not happening to you? you somehow have lost that laserlike focus when jared admits he thinks men loving men is beautiful and goes on to spend the rest of the play wanting nothing more than to be closer than evan?? Sorry????????

it’s just like oh my god you’ve got to be like, hopelessly Heterosexual™ to think that it’s a good way to enhance the canon by deciding that any of them are like, mega straight, but to decide that jared, who you can easily argue has the most flashing neon Gay Bastard display floating around him at all times of any of the characters (even though practically everyone has this), is like, actually really really straight all the time every day check my facebook status it says “heterosexual 4 lyfe”?? GOD you have to be so so so so cluelessly fuckin straight

the novel alarms me really like, i fear every glimpse i get into the actual content because it’s like, somebody had a bad trip and scribbled down horrible nightmarish ideas, then stayed up for 80 hrs in a row before throwing darts at these ideas to connect them into ideas for elements in the novel, then consulted Cishet Satan for some more input about what choices to make. it’s SO bizarre. who let this happen

the one very faint silver lining is that when people are THAT heterosexual and their Hetero Vision is that entrenched, they accidentally write all that gay shit about evan’s internal monologues about all the dudes around him cuz like, they’re so convinced that nothing they could write could be ~mistaken~ for gay (because the existence of gay people is something they entirely forget 99.9% of the time) that they accidentally write their relationships that are supposed to be all about the magic of hetero friendship but is instead way more emotionally intimate and loving and indicative of suspicious Fixation than the supposed hetero romances they try to write (because that shit never ends up being all that romantic at all) so like this menace accidentally wrote some kleinsen as fuck shit anyways

lord……anyways yeah

[homealoneliz]

An unexpected and very pleasant surprise - my first time with a woman

If you’ve followed my blog for a while you probably know that I’ve had fantasies about one of my neighbors, Mark. I’ve concocted in my mind all sorts of scenarios where I seduce him or he seduces me and we spend hours in bed together exploring each other’s bodies. For various reasons, though, not the least of which is that he is married to a very nice woman, I have never gone further than fantasizing about him.

In any event, spring had finally come and I was out in the yard doing some clean up when Mark and his wife, Jen, walked by. We were chit chatting about all of the usual things - how nice it was that the weather had finally turned warm, how beautiful the flowers looked, what a good mood it put us in, etc. - when Jen asked where my husband was. I told her that he had just left on one of his trips to Europe and that I was on my own for the next couple of weeks.

“You poor girl,” she said, “how lonely that must be. Listen, Mark is taking our kids to visit his parents this weekend. Why don’t you come over on Saturday and we can have a girl’s night?”

As much as I was disappointed that Mark wouldn’t be there, I was also thankful for the invitation as I really like Jen and I do get lonely when my husband is away.

“I’d love to,” I said.

When Saturday came, I dressed in a sleeveless pink dress and Jack Rogers sandals, grabbed a bottle of white wine and walked across the street. Jen greeted me cheerfully with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “You look beautiful,” she said. “That dress looks great on you.”

“Thanks,” I replied. “You look beautiful as well. I don’t know how you can keep that figure of yours.” Jen is about 10 years younger than me and tall, blonde, and pretty in an all-American, girl next door sort of way. She was dressed in a short navy skirt and a low cut red silk blouse. It was an outfit that accentuated her long legs, small waist and shapely breasts. Indeed, I was envious of her in more ways than one.

“Good genes and a fair amount of time at the gym is the answer, but let’s not worry about our figures tonight. Thanks for the wine, but if it’s ok with you, I made a pitcher of Jen’s Famously Strong Margaritas. I created the recipe back in college. I’d like to say that there are lots of secret ingredients, but the main secret is lots of tequila,” she laughed. “In any event, they’re guaranteed to make your troubles go away.”

“Sounds like we have a fun evening ahead of us,” I chuckled. .

“Cheers,” she said as she handed me a margarita, “I am so glad that you could come tonight. It’s so much more fun drinking with somebody than alone.”

“Thanks so much for having me over,” I said, “and I agree. If it weren’t for you, I’d be sitting home alone drinking wine and feeling sorry for myself.”

We sat next to each on the sofa, our legs tucked under us. The margaritas were indeed strong and by the second one I was beginning to feel a bit tipsy. Jen was the perfect hostess, always keeping my glass filled and making me feel totally at home.

As usual, Jen was funny, friendly, and engaging. Our conversation ranged the gamut from neighborhood gossip to the current political situation to the NCAA basketball tournament, where both of our colleges were in the Sweet 16. I guess because of my added years she’s always looked up to me as sort of a mentor, and tonight she peppered me with questions about everything under the sun - children, gardening, cooking, vacation destinations, etc. She seemed genuinely thankful for my advice, frequently reaching over to touch me as if to accentuate how thankful she was. I, on the other hand, was really enjoying Jen’s company, not to mention the attention and flattery.

We had finished the pitcher of margaritas and were well into the bottle of wine I had brought when Jen’s questions took a turn and totally threw me for a loop.

“Liz, I can’t believe I’m asking you this, but I’m drunk and curious. If you don’t want to answer, that’s fine, but do you and your husband have a good sex life?”

Well this is getting interesting, I thought. I was drunk, too, so I answered and with more information than I normally would have. “We do,” I said, “when he’s at home, but unfortunately he travels all the time, so let’s just say that I’m forced to take matters into my own hands more often than not.”

“But you’re still attracted to him?”

“I don’t know if attracted is necessarily the right word, but we love each other very much and yes, at least when he’s home I think our sex life is as good as it’s ever been and when he’s not, well, I have a very good imagination. How about you and Mark?” Two can play this game, I thought, and anyway, Mark’s sex life was of huge interest to me.

“I have a good imagination as well, and it’s a good thing I do because...I mean...well...oh damn, I don’t know...for some reason I’m not attracted to Mark any more. I just can’t get into sex with him, so our sex life has become virtually nonexistent. I know he’s frustrated, and I know it’s my fault. I just don’t know what to do about it. C’est la vie I guess,” she sighed. “I do, though, have quite an extensive collection of toys, and I’m pretty good at taking care of myself, even if I’m not so good at taking care of my husband,” she laughed.

Now that is a really interesting piece of information, the devil on my shoulder was whispering in my ear. Mark, the object my fantasies, is not getting any sex from his wife. Lock that away and think about what you might be able to do with it in the future.

My thoughts were interrupted by her asking, “So what do you think about when you are taking matters into your own hands?”

Wow! Those margaritas really must have been strong! This was definitely not a conversation I was used to having! Sex is almost always top of mind for me, but it’s not something I ever talk about with others. With that said, if Jen wanted to talk about it, then I was more than game.

“Well, sometimes I imagine I am making love to a particular man - never my husband - and sometimes I imagine I’m fulfilling one of my fantasies.”

“Do tell! Anybody I know?”

Even in my drunken state, I wasn’t about to tell her how many times I had fucked Mark in my imagination, so I said, “I don’t think so. Lately it’s been a guy at the gym who really turns me on,” which was not at all a lie.

“And what are your fantasies?”

“This is embarrassing,” I said, although I was enjoying the conversation and even beginning to get a little turned on. “I’ll tell you mine if you’ll tell me yours.”

“Deal,” she said. “You first.”

I took a deep breath. “Ok. Here goes. I have lots of them, but there are two that are at the top of the list. The first is a threesome with two men.”

“Mmmm...that’s a big turn on for me as well. I love the idea of being the center of attention - so to speak! And what’s the second?”

I paused. This really was embarrassing, but, since I was feeling no pain, I plunged ahead.

“Don’t laugh, but the second is to be with another woman. I highly doubt that either will ever happen, though.”

Jen smiled and hesitated, as if thinking. When she finally spoke, I wasn’t prepared for what she said. “Would it surprise you if I told you I was bi?”

I was stunned. First off, I never in a million years would have guessed that about Jen, but secondly why was she telling me this?

“I haven’t been with a woman since I married Mark, but before that I was definitely equal opportunity. Frankly, I miss it. Especially lately...”

The room had gone silent for me. My head was spinning and my heart was pounding.

Jen reached over and took my hands in hers. “Have you ever kissed another woman?”

I couldn’t speak. I shook my head.

“Would you like to?”

I noddded.

Jen leaned in and softly kissed me. Nothing else touched between us except our lips. Oh my God! Her soft lips felt so good on mine, so different from the men I had kissed. She kissed me again. I felt her tongue against my lips, gently probing. I opened my mouth to accept it and the kiss became deeper, more intense, our tongues dancing with each other. I felt Jen’s arms on my back, her hands on my neck, in my hair, pulling me closer. My passion was building, and it was pretty clear that Jen’s was as well.

After a few minutes, she pulled back. “Are you okay?” she softly asked.

“Actually, I think I’m more than okay,” I smiled shyly. “I’m really liking this.”

“Would you like to do more?”

I couldn’t believe this was happening. “Oh yes,” I exhaled.

“Then let’s go upstairs to my bedroom.”

Jen stood up, took my hand, and led me up the stairs. I followed as if in a trance. When we got to her bedroom, she closed the door behind us. I was frozen in anticipation and excitement, not knowing what to do next but knowing I very much wanted it to happen. Jen must have sensed my nervousness. She gently kissed me again on the lips, then my neck, then my ears. I had goose bumps all over. “Just relax and leave it to me,” she whispered in my ear, “I’m going to make you feel better than you’ve ever felt.”

I stood there numbly, reveling in the electricity coursing through my body. Jen continued to gently kiss my neck and ears as she lightly, ever so lightly, traced her fingers over my back, my arms, my neck, and finally my breasts. My breathing was getting ragged. I felt her unzip my dress and then her fingers were on my bare back gently rubbing. Caressing. I felt her unhook my bra. More light kisses all over. More gentle caresses. I was on fire. And then in one motion she slipped my dress and bra off my shoulders and pushed them to the floor.

She stepped back to look. “I’ve always loved your tits,” she murmured as she now devoted herself to them, gently stroking them, tracing her fingers around them. My nipples were rock hard as she teased them, squeezed them, and finally taking them into her mouth, sucked on them, playing with them with her lips and her tongue. I could hardly breathe. I was tingling all over. Her hands continued to play with my breasts as she slowly kissed her way across my stomach and then knelt.

My panties were soaking wet by this time, but I was too turned on to care. Jen continued to tease me, kissing up and down my inner thighs while lightly tracing the outline of my pussy lips with her fingertips. She kissed my pussy, making me shiver as she caressed my lips through the material. I was lightly gyrating and gasping and moaning when she finally pulled my panties down and softly brushed her lips against my pussy. Jesus!

“Just beautiful,” she sighed.

And then she stood.

“Don’t stop!” I wanted to scream, but Jen clearly had a plan and continued to take charge.

“I think we should move this to the bed,” she said, “but I’m feeling a little overdressed, so first I want you to undress me.” Seriously?!?! This beautiful, younger woman was telling me to undress her?!?!

She took my hands and guided them to the top button of her blouse. I undid it. And then I undid the second. And the third. And then her blouse was hanging loosely, giving me a peak of her red bra underneath.

“Go ahead. Take it off.” I followed her orders, slipping the blouse off of her and dropping it to the floor. I now had a view of her breasts overflowing from the demi-cup bra.

“Now take off my bra.” It was like I was having an out of body experience, blindly following orders from this suddenly dominant woman. Like a robot, I reached behind her, unhooked her bra, removed it, and dropped it on top of her blouse on the floor. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her breasts and the pink nipples which crowned them.

“Touch them,” she instructed. She took my hands and put one on each breast. I cupped her breasts in my hands and felt their weight. I ran my fingertips over them, circling each of her nipples. I delighted as they became erect and I heard her moan in pleasure.

Jen removed my hands. “That’s enough. Now take off my skirt,” she commanded. Who was I to argue? I unzipped her skirt, knelt and pulled it down. I was now face to face with her pussy, covered only by a sheer red thong. I could see her lips and that she was shaved through the material. “Go ahead. Finish the job,” Jen ordered. And I did, pulling her thong to the ground.

This was the first time I had ever been so close to another woman’s pussy and I stared, mesmerized. Before I could do anything else, though, Jen said, “Come here,” and she lifted me up and led me to the bed. I lay down and Jen knelt on top of me, straddling my waist and giving me an unobstructed view of her tits.

“Still okay?” she asked.

“Oh yes.”

“Well you’re about to be even better,” she said, and with that, Jen resumed her achingly slow ministrations. She leaned over, her breasts pressing into mine and kissed me deeply, our tongues plunging into each other’s mouths. She then moved to my ears, my neck, and finally my breasts. I was writhing around on the bed, never having experienced such pleasure. After patiently devoting herself to my tits she moved south, kissing my stomach, my navel, and at last her mouth was where I wanted it - no, needed it.

I needed it desperately, but Jen wasn’t ready to give it to me. She continued to tease me, lightly kissing me up and down both sides of my mound, up and down my inner thighs - everywhere but where I most wanted it. I was gyrating, thrusting, and whimpering, my hands grasping at the sheets.

And then, finally, finally... At the first touch of her tongue on my pussy, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I gasped as I felt it gently probing my lips. Now her tongue was inside me, tasting my wetness, running up and down the length of my slit, but still conscientiously avoiding my clit. I was in ecstasy. I was in agony.

“Please,” I begged, “Jen, please...”

Jen looked up at me and smiled. “What do you want, Liz?”

“My clit...Please.” It was all I could do to get the words out.

“All you had to do was ask, Liz,” and she proceeded to minister to my clit, circling it with her tongue, taking it into her mouth and sucking on it, flicking her tongue back and forth on it. At the same time, she inserted a finger into my pussy and began to fuck me with it.

I had been so close to cumming for so long that that was all it took. I held Jen’s head as I ground my pussy into her face. My head went back and my eyes clenched shut as waves and waves of pleasure shot through my body. I had never known anything could feel so good as this orgasm. I came and came for I don't know how long, clenching my pussy hard around the finger thrusting inside me, pushing hard against the tongue still running over my clit, letting out gasps and moans until finally I couldn’t take any more and pushed Jen’s head away.

She climbed back up to me and gently kissed me. I could taste myself on her lips.

“Still okay?”, she smiled.

“Oh my god! That was the most intense orgasm of my life!”

“I told you so.”

We lay there for awhile, cuddling, kissing and exploring each other when she took my hand and guided it to her pussy. “Feel how wet you’ve made me.” My finger penetrated her lips and entered her sodden pussy. What a turn on to know that I was having this effect on her! I began to probe her pussy with my finger.

“No. That’s not what I want right now. What I want is for you to take your finger out of me and suck on it.”

I complied. It felt so erotic sucking on my finger and tasting my pretty neighbor’s sex.

“Do you like the way I taste?”

“Mmmm...” was all I could say.

“Good, because now I want you to go down on me,” she commanded.

Until then I had been the recipient and beneficiary of Jen’s talented fingers and tongue, but now the roles were reversed. “I want to. I want to make you feel as good as you just made me feel, but I’ve never done this before. I’m worried that I’m going to disappoint you.”

“Sweetheart, don’t worry. Something tells me you’re going to be a natural.”

And with that, I tried to imitate what she had just done to me. Her moans and the gyrating and twisting of her body told me I was doing something right.

Emboldened, I finally reached my goal, licking up and down her slit, tasting her. My tongue found her clit and began to play with it. “Put a finger inside me,” she ordered. “That’s right. Fuck me with your finger, Liz. Harder! Harder!”

Jen held my head in place against her bucking hips and cried out, “Just like that, Liz! Right there! Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” And then, “Oh God! I’m cummmming,”

Afterwards we cuddled and kissed some more, and Jen asked me if I wanted to spend the night. Sleeping with her was absolutely exquisite, being held, feeling the softness of her skin against mine, her soft breaths on my neck, her breasts pressed against my back...

I woke up with the sun streaming through the window and the wonderful sensation of Jen lightly kissing the back of my neck. “Mmmm that feels delicious,” I said sleepily as I rolled over to kiss her.

“Well I know something else that feels delicious, and it tastes delicious as well. And speaking from long ago experience, there’s no better way to start the day,” she laughed. And with that, Jen pushed me onto my back and proceeded to go down on me again.

I was no longer drunk, so everything was clearer and more real, and Jesus did it feel good. This was not at all like my husband or Patrick. It was softer, more subtle, and infinitely more pleasurable. I wanted it to last, but in no time at all I felt my body convulsing and ecstasy overtaking me.

Still naked, Jen went downstairs, fixed coffee, and brought it back up. We lay in bed drinking our coffee and talking. “I hope you don’t feel like I took advantage of you last night,” she said, “I was drunk and horny and, well, when you told me that you fantasized about being with another woman, I just decided to go for it.”

“Last night, no. This morning, however,” I laughed. “Seriously, though, you just gave me the best sexual experience of my life. I can’t tell you happy I am!”

“Well I’m happy, too, and since Mark and the kids won’t be back until late this afternoon, why don’t we spend the morning in bed together. There are a few other things I’d like to do with you.”

- - - - -

This happened a few months ago and since then Jen and I have had regular play dates while our husbands are at work and her children at school. She has definitely broadened my sexual horizons and brought me pleasure in ways I never could have imagined.

I didn’t think anyone out there could have the one track mind towards sex that I do, but in Jen I’ve met my match. We’ve become soul mates, and I’ve shared my deepest secrets with her, including my fantasies about Mark and the fact that I’ve been fucking Patrick with my husband’s full knowledge. She, in turn, has shared some revealing things about her marriage and about a secret life, one I never would have imagined my pretty suburban neighbor having.

I’ve always thought that fantasies were just that, fantasies. However, Jen has taught me that that doesn’t have to be the case. Who knows what the future might hold, but with Jen’s guidance and encouragement, anything seems possible.

[writing-anomaly]

Torn

Fandom:  Jojolion

Summary: Yasuho's life is tearing at the seams. The volatile Rokakaka trade is catching up to them and when Josuke unravels, Yasuho  is pushed to her limit. She's left more vulnerable than ever as she struggles to protect two men who barely know her.

This a story in which the protected must become the protector.

Chapter 1

He'd stripped at his own suggestion.

It was the most strategic course of action rather than having to rewash his clothes, he explained. She could only nod before he tossed his sailor shirt near the door, turning her back toward him to grant the privacy he didn't know he needed. Up till now, Yasuho assumed he had been styling his own hair. It wasn't until she started seeing little 'nicks' in Josuke's hair line that she'd questioned Tsurugi about who had been cutting his hair. To her dismay, Norisuke-san had assigned the task to the disgruntled Joshuu.

An attempt at forcing a brotherly-bond, she bemused.

The nicks became even more apparent after Josuke started asking her to go out with him more often. Josuke, was so honest in the way he dealt with people, she couldn't bare the thought of Joshuu trying to sabotage him under the ruse of helping his adopted brother keep up his appearance. And so she offered to style his hair, which Josuke animatedly agreed to.

"Yasuho-chan!" Avoiding his gaze proved to be in vain as he ducked around her small frame to come face to face with her, in nothing but a pair of navy blue boxers.

"Oh my gosh." She said, feeling heat rush to her cheeks at the state of his undress. His eyes were bright, excitement permeating off him like a child on the first day of school. She could could feel her lips form their own smile as the warmth of his joy lit a spark in her.

Yasuho had him sit in a chair, facing away from the large bathroom mirror.

She grabbed the clippers Josuke had borrowed from his adoptive brother as she prepared to cut his hair.

"Here it goes." The crack in her tone was as unintentional as the shakiness of her hands. She'd be be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. Her heart was beating through her rib cage.

But why worry?

She'd cut her own hair since middle school so she knew her way around a pair of clippers. She'd never doubted her hair styling capabilities before, at least until Mamezuka came along. Overall, he was a courteous man but his flowery hospitality, grew from a dark crevice she was convinced hid monsters her nightmares could only dream of.

She avoided contact with him when at all possible.

Yasuho had been open to the plant appraiser when they first met. They were under threat of attack by an enemy stand and Mamezuka had taken in both her and Josuke to his ski lift abode on the mountain. But in the midst of it all, he saw fit to use her as bait. Josuke had come to her aid after the plant appraiser pushed her down a 20ft drop, but she still had the scars to remind her of how disposable she was. Unfortunately, she couldn't dodge Mamezuka without completely cutting off Josuke. The quest for the rokakaka had the two paired off like a married couple. But when she did have to see the plant appraiser, she spared only a few words.

Hello.

Goodbye.

And not much in between, if she could help it.

Mamezuka seemed to have a dark sense of humor.

He loved small talk.

Correction.

He loved small talk with her.

So much that he would break a extensive conversation with Josuke just to make a random remark she'd be forced to respond to. Lately, he'd taken a liking to doubled-edged comments on her appearance. The plant appraiser's compliments had their own backhand, most of which were aimed toward Yasuho's hair.

'You look like you cut your own bangs.' Yasuho recited the words internally. There was nothing offensive in what he said alone.

What was that supposed to mean anyway?

That man irked her to no end.

She loved the way her pink hair brushed the roofs of her eyelids and framed the sides of her face. She had a feeling that Josuke did too.

The buzzing roar of the clippers in her hand died in an instant when Yasuho realized her first folly. Stopping in her tracks, she instead pulled out a black heart-shaped compact decorated in gold colored roses.

"Woah, Yasuho!" Josuke jumped as he felt her soft form press into his back, Yasuho's arms wrapping around his shoulders and trapping him in a welcomed embrace. She rested her chin over the Joestar mark of his left shoulder as she spoke into his cheek.

"You forgot something." She teased.

His head whipped around so he could face her, a small amount of panic etched into his handsome features as his brows raised in question.

"Oh! I-I did?"

He was so cute, she could hardly stand it.

"Mhmm." She opened the compact mirror in her hand and faced it toward Josuke.

He looked intently at his own reflection.

His bi-colored eyes widened, inspecting his face from every angle as if recongizing himself for the first time. Yasuho almost dropped the mirror when his hand reached up to cover her own. Gently, he angled her hand so that the mirror included both of them within its depths. The heart-shaped black border of the mirror, made their reflection look like one of those lovey-dovey couples photos her friends carried when they wanted to brag about their boyfriends.

If only..

Yasuho averted her gaze, embarrassed about her thoughts.

She bit her lip.

"Yasuho? Was it something important? I'm s-sorry..I can't remember.." She could see the disappointment in his eyes over not being able find the answer.

He was just like the lost puppy she'd loved so much in her childhood.

"Oh, no. It's just...your hat is in the way. I need to get to your hair so i can cut it." She angled her hand up to reflect the white and blue sailor hat he was wearing in the mirror's reflection. His decorative tassle bounced where it hung on the rim of his hat as he titled his head, trying to understand the situation. His dark brows furrowed.

"No worries! I was just teasing you." Yasuho stood up and closed the compact mirror with a soft click before grabbing his left hand in both of hers. She felt a tightness in her chest. She regretted that her teasing had caused him distress. Had she been thinking, she would've remembered how sensitive Josuke was over his memories. It wasn't much but she rubbed the soft skin on the back of his hand, hoping it would be enough to soothe him.

Josuke looked up at her from where he was seated. Slowly his full lips stretched into the gap-toothed smile she loved so much. Promptly, he took off his sailor hat and placed it on the counter behind him. Free from constraint, his hair cascaded to his shoulders. Each strand, a wave in a dark ocean of lustrous hair. It was in stark contrast to his alabaster skin, and plush rose-colored lips.

His mischiveous dark eyes turned to Yasuho.

"What a naughty girl!" In his excitement he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. It might've been a bit too tight, because Yasuho's knee collided with his, causing her leg to bend as she fell into his lap.

Yasuho squealed.

If it wasn't for his strong arm, she would've been picking teeth off the bathroom floor. Her body weight had completely rocked over his legs, her face halting inches from touching the tile as her legs flailed in the air to counterbalance her weight on Josuke's bare thighs. She knew he would never hurt her, but sometimes she wondered if he realized how strong he actually was.

"Oh, my gosh." Yasuho let out an exasperated breath that turned into a nervous laugh. She allowed her legs to drop as she relaxed. The distribution of her weight put a pressure on her lower abdomen and pelvis that left her slightly breathless.

"What are you laughing at Yasu-chan? Huh?!" Josuke cocked his head to the side as he peered down at Yasuho, a playful glint in his eyes.

Yasuho may be small, but she was never one to back down from a challenge.

She turned her head to look him straight in the eyes.

"I'm laughing at you, Josuke Higashikata!" She attempted to lift herself up from her bent position only to have Josuke tickle her profusely. Her body involuntarily writhed at the feel of his treacherous fingers gliding along the exposed skin, where her shirt had hiked up to expose her belly and back.

"Uh-uh. You're still in time out, you naughty girl!"

Yasohu laughed frantically.

"What was that?" Josuke held his right hand up to his ear, as if he struggled to hear her. He was rubbing it in. Part of her wanted to throw a hissy-fit, and the other half wanted to kiss him.

Though, she could hardly respond for all the giggles that escaped her.

"Josuke, please!"She spoke between breaths.

"Hmm?" The lilt in his voice was full of amusement.

"Please!" Yasuho couldn't take it anymore.

She caved.

Payback was a given.

Josuke Higashikata's day would come.

For now she'd play nice, because he'd won today.

Cheater.

She resisted rolling her eyes and Josuke grabbed her hand to pull her up. Yasuho, who had been face down the whole time, landed in a resting position on her knees as Josuke gently positioned her weight to the lower half of her body.

Yasuho pouted.

She squinted her eyes into the best death glare she could muster, resulting in Josuke wiping tears from his eyes from laughing so hard.

"Yasu-chan, is sooo cute." He never let go of her hand, which he held in his lap as he stared down at her in all his half naked glory. His porcelain skin glistened in the fluorescent light. Not because he was clammy, but because he was born with skin that most girls would strangle a cat for. Both soft and firm.

Yasuho found herself mesmerized, yet again, in the gaze of his bi-colored eyes. He possessed a beauty, that didn't belong in this world. When she looked hard enough she could see the seam that ran along the center of his body. It was easy to forget that at one point Josuke had been two separate people, each with their own hopes and dreams. She wondered if she had gotten to know either Kira Yoshikage or Kuujo Josefumi, would they have been as close as she was with Josuke. She wondered if Josuke was attached to her because he truly liked her, or just because he felt he didn't have anyone else to turn to. She craved his attention. It was undeniable. But sometimes she felt guilty. Was she taking advantage?

She found herself becoming self conscious when she realized Josuke was still holding on to her hand. He turned it, palm side up. Lightly, he began tapping the base of her index finger with the tip of his own. His breathing had become heavier, his broad shoulders rising and falling in a rythmic fashion.

"Umm, Josuke.."

He didn't bother to explain as he intersected their fingers.

Softly, he pushed the tips of his fingers through the divides at the base of her hand, forcing a gap between them. Yasuho's skin tingled as he slowly uncurled the joints of his noticeably larger hand. It felt like thread gliding the eye of a needle, building static as he traced between them, spreading her fingers to match is own. The stretch was gratifying and somehow wider than she'd ever positioned them on her own accord.

It felt strange.

Yet pleasurable like something she was almost too scared to name.

Yasuho could feel her heart begin to race when Josuke bit his lip. His gaze fixated on her slightly trembling fingers. He'd never acted this way before. She was in a bit of a daze. Her mind tried to process what was happening but drew up a blank.

Josuke closed his eyes. His mouth parted as began lift her hand.

'He wouldn't...'

The warm moisture of his steady exhales against her fingers made the cool air of the room all too noticeable in its absence. His mouth parted a little wider, his tongue peaking ever so slightly over the curve of his moist lips.

"J-Josuke?!" Her voice was urgent. Almost pleading. This was not normal behavior for him. It was increasingly difficult to fight back the notion that this Josuke wasn't quite the same guy she picked up from between the wall-eyes.

"What a lovely voice." They were both brought out of the moment by a voice that was neither Josuke's or her own. Josuke released Yasuho's hand as his attention focused on the intruder.

"Ah, Jobin-san. Konnichiwa!" Josuke greeted in a chipper voice. It was as if nothing had transpired between them. The atmospere lightened immensely with his change in demeanor.

"I wish my wife would say my name like that." Jobin sauntered in to the bathroom, amusement rolling off him like a heady perfume. The green hair that swept over his right eye, was held in place by its usual hair clip. A left-over from the Higashikata ritual of dressing the first-born son as a girl in order to ward off misfortune. It was a feminine contrast to his masculine demeanor.

The eldest Higashikata son's presence was overwhelming and Yasuho instinctively retreated ever so slightly behind Josuke's form, hoping to God that she could somehow dissapear.

"Jobin-san, I thought you had gone to Hawaii as well." Josuke turned his body toward the Jobin and the door; Away from where Yasuho kneeled at the side of his chair.

Josuke had told her that his adoptive family had flown to Hawaii as a weekend getaway. She hadn't expected any run-ins. Least of all with Joshuu's older brother. She recalled very little interaction with him despite being his younger brothers childhood friend. He always wore a pleasant smile on his lips despite his predicament of worrying over the possibility of his only son suffering the cruel fate of the rock illness.

'Oh, God...please don't look at me' She begged inwardly.

"I'm still jet-lagged from my business trip to New Zeleand. I'd like to keep my zombie ass here in Morioh for a while." His laugh was unrestricted and warm as a thousand summers. "Don't mind me, I just came to grab an aspirin."

He patted Josuke's shoulder as he passed them both by to open the closet on the far end of the room. There was a series of bangs and clunks until he held up a small white bottle with a red cap that rattled when shook. Pleased with himself, Jobin stepped right over a flustered Yasuho who clung to Josuke's leg like a lost child seeking protection. He didn't acknowledge her in the slightest.

'It's like he doesn't even see me..' 

Yasuho's eyes crossed as a translucent bubble floated into her line of sight, settling on the tip of her nose. Relief washed over her as she recognized the barely visible bubbles of Josuke's stand, "Soft and Wet," most of which, settled in the palm of his hand. She never felt more greatful for his ability to remove things selectively, such as sounds and sight.

Josuke was hiding her from Jobin!

Her grip on Josuke's leg loosened, and she couldn't help but smile in gratitude to his reflexive protection. Josuke seemed at peace with Jobin's company. Though her friend's actions made her wonder if the elder Higashikata put him on edge as much as her.

Jobin grabbed the door knob as he began to exit the bathroom. He stepped into the hallway, then paused to turn toward Josuke again.

He lowered his uninterested eyes to where Yasuho was kneeling behind a seated Josuke.

He waved.

"Ya-chan, Yo!" Leaning against the frame of the open bathroom door, Jobin's eyes widened as he feigned shock at Yasuho's compromised position on the floor. He gasped, bringing his hand up to pathetically cover his slackened jaw. "I'm sure Joshuu would be heart broken!"

"We're not dating!" Yasuho sputtered.

"No need to explain to me, missy." He winked at her then regarded Josuke.

"Those are fuckboy problems." And with that, Jobin skipped down the hall muttering words that suggested a little heartbreak might grow Joshuu a few chest hairs..

The door shut with a resounding click.

Yasuho turned to Josuke who appeared just as shocked as she felt.

His eyes were fixated on the door through which Jobin exited.

It was Yasuho who chose to break the silence. "I thought you hid me from him."

"I did." was Josuke's soft reply.

  Author's notes: Hey guys, I'm pretty excited about this story. I'm having a lot of fun writing it.

Yasuho needs more love in the fanfic community!

Comments and criticisms are more than welcomed :D

[juicifeur]

Passing Through (Pt.2)

Summary: After some time apart, the reader and Sam reunite by chance. And both parties are shocked, to say the least. The problems of two different worlds being so close to each other are finally revealed.

Read Part 1 HERE

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Angst, crying?

A/N: Thanks for reading!

The way someone carried themselves could tell you a lot about them. This guy was confident, but that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

His chest was broad, and he was tall and handsome like the men you usually leaned towards. Everything about this man seemed to appeal to you, except for his incessant, self-centred speech. He didn’t care to ask you where you were from or what a nice girl like you was doing in a dive like this.

Your eyes couldn’t help but take in his clothing choices. Freshly-pressed dress pants and brown leather shoes seemed to be his go-to outfit, hardly one that you might wear to the local bar for a drink.

His lips turned up into a cocky smirk and he flashed his perfectly straight teeth as he spoke. You sipped the cocktail he bought you. It was one of the most expensive ones on the menu but he’d insisted. He didn’t seem to care about throwing his money around to impress people.

   “And I started my own company at the age of nineteen. Bought my first Porsche at 20 and here I am.” The fact that you’d acquired this man’s full family history in less than ten minutes meant that he held himself and his lineage with high regard, so that must mean his money was more of an inherited thing. After all, who could get that big of a loan to start a business without sucking up to his filthy-rich daddy. You just kept nodding along with his story.

   “Well, you sound like you can take care of yourself pretty well.” You tried your best to flirt back, hoping it would lead to some sort of attraction. He may have actually been cute if his ego wasn’t in the way and if he wasn’t trying too hard to compensate for something below the belt.

   “I can take care of you pretty well too, sweetheart.” The man smirked back and his hand ran gently up your forearm. Your instincts told you to get the hell out of there, but when was the last time that had any effect on your actions?

   “One more drink and I might take you up on that.” You finished off the heavily spiked beverage in your hand and ate the cherry. He nodded and smirked again, confident as ever that he was going to get somewhere tonight.

   “You got it. Don’t go anywhere.” He ran a hand over his neatly combed hair and walked off to get back to the bar. 

Subconsciously, you pulled at the tight corners of the outfit you’d chosen for the night. Drawing attention to yourself had become more of a habit since your heart was broken.

The small bar was busy for a Tuesday night, even though it wasn’t the most popular pub in town, but you went here because it was more off the grid. Usually, you went here because it wasn’t busy. There were girls dancing with guys and drinks being spilt, and all the sounds of the bar started to get more and more annoying.  Your eyes travelled around the room, taking in all the faces in the small space. They landed on a few who looked like they needed at least one glass of water, but they landed on one that looked too familiar to you as well. He seemed to do a double take when he saw you.

His hair was a little shorter, and eyes looked tired - they seemed like they’d seen things much worse than what they had two years ago. But he was the same man you remembered, there was no denying that.

   “The signs are all around this town, Sam, you can’t tell me you don’t think it’s suspicious.”

You heard Dean break off their conversation and almost choke on his drink as you marched over to their table furiously. He looked up at you.

   “Y/N? You look-”

   “What? Different? Yeah, I got that.” You glared at both of them. Sam didn’t speak, he just seemed to stare at you. You breathed in heavily and switched between looking at each boy a few times, waiting for them to say something. They didn’t.

   “What the hell are you two doing here.” Your fists were clenched by your sides. Dean looked at Sam, unsure of what to say with the shock that overwhelmed him all of a sudden, and Sam just looked back.

   “Um-”

   “Don’t answer that. You shouldn’t have come back.” You turned your back on them again and started back to your small table.

   “Good thing you let that one go, Sam. Turned into a crazy ex.” You heard Dean scoff under his breath and you stopped dead in your tracks. You turned again and crossed your arms, offended.

   “Excuse me?” Both boys looked as if they had just insulted God himself, fear replaced their blank stares. 

   “Abort, abort,” Dean muttered as you walked back to them and slammed your hand down on their table. You glared at them.

   “I was not the one who abandoned the other in the middle of the night. I’m not the one who didn’t give jack shit for an explanation.” You looked at Sam and the look on his face told you he was still guilty. He bit the inside of his lip and his eyes scanned yours.

   “This seems like an issue for the two of you to work out on your own-” Dean finished his beer and got up but your hand landed on his shoulder and pushed him back down.

   “Sit. You were the one who told him to leave, asshole.” Glaring at the older brother, you reverted back to a straight posture. You couldn’t control what came out of your mouth at this point. Two years of pent-up rage came pouring out, then you stopped.

   “Y/N, let me explain, this is all a misunderstanding,” Dean tried to start before you cut him off. 

   “You know what? I can’t deal with this right now. You sons of bi-” 

   “Hey, gorgeous, I got you a-” Your companion from earlier found you again and looked at both of the men who sat at the table. All of their chests seemed to expand a little like some macho showdown was about to happen. Sam seemed to stiffen.

   “Who are your friends?” The man, whose name you still didn’t know, asked - as if these two other guys being near you didn’t bother him. You rolled your eyes.

   “They’re not my friends. Let’s get out of here.” You sighed, putting the drink that he brought down on the table. Your date looked rather confident that he was the one that got to take you home.

   “Your place or mine.” His smirk grew and he glanced sideways at the boys at the table. You tried your best to act as though the Winchesters weren’t there. But Sam didn’t seem to be trying to hold back his facial expressions. It looked like your date would be murdered if Sam got the chance.

   “Mine.” You answered in a shaky breath. 

   “So long boys.” You hooked your arm through his and smiled obnoxiously at the boys before you left with the guy. Sam and Dean just watched in shock.

An hour later you confirmed your suspicions of compensation and were grateful for a loud knock on your front door.

   “Who’s that?” The man getting dressed asked as he fastened his jeans.

   “I don’t know, just get out.” You pulled a t-shirt on and practically pushed him towards the door. 

   “Hey, hey, what’s the rush? I was having fun.” He tried to kiss you again and you could still smell the product in his perfect hair. You pulled away quickly.

   “Good for you. Unfortunately, you don’t know how to use what you got. Now get out.” You practically growled as you opened your front door and pushed him out with only one shoe on, his clean white sock suddenly dirt-ridden.

   “What the hell?” The guy grumbled as he threw his coat over his shoulder. He glared in your direction and barely dodged his shoe which was thrown at him. 

   “Bitch.” He muttered, picking it up off the ground and sauntering toward his red Porsche parked on the curb, right in front of a black Impala.

 You turned your head to greet the man standing on your doorstep.

   “Sam.”

   “Hi.” He responded, sighing deeply.

   “Can I come in?” He asked, nodding his head into the house. You nodded back nervously and let him enter.

You made him a peppermint tea to be polite, but you knew that was his favourite.

   “Thanks.” He sipped carefully so he wouldn’t get burnt.

   “What are you guys doing back here?” You could barely look him in the eyes.

   “We’re pass-”

   “Passing through, right. Should have known-”

   “I didn’t want to leave, Y/N.” Sam said suddenly. The room went quiet for a moment

   “Then why did you? Why did you leave? We could have worked whatever it was out.” You felt your eyes begin to water and you leaned on your counter.

   “You didn’t even leave a note. Or a text. I tried to call you but your number changed.” You crossed your arms and you could hear your voice breaking. Sam was looking down at his mug.

   “I thought it would be better that way.” He mumbled through locks of his hair.

   “Well, it wasn’t.”

   “I get that now. Look, if you want to get back together-”

   “No, Sam I don’t want to get back together!” Your decibels in your voice cut through the quiet speaking. He was looking right at you, shocked that such a loud noise could come out of your mouth. You were crying. 

   “Just tell me why you left. Please.” Your voice broke as tears ran down your cheeks and Sam kept staring at you. His eyes glassed over as he watched you break down right in front of him.

   “Tell me why you left, Sam, please tell me what I did-”

   “Nothing, Y/N, you didn’t do anything, listen to me.” He resisted the urge to reach across the counter and take your hands. You looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes and you sniffled.

   “Dean,” Sam breathed out.

   “Dean said I shouldn’t see you anymore, Y/N. He told me it was dangerous to keep coming back here. That I could lead something here.” He sighed deeply in his chest and he looked sincerely into your face. You watched as his hands folded around his mug.

   “I didn’t explain, and that wasn’t fair to you. I’m- I’m sorry.” He bit the inside of his lip again and ran a hand through his hair. You nodded your head and felt a weight lifted off of you. The ache in your heart eased, and you felt Sam’s hand drift over yours. The tears ran freely down your cheeks as you finally had your answer.

Two years of throwing yourself into situations you knew you would regret, and it was all for that apology. 

Your stomach seemed to flip slightly and you felt lightheaded. Your vision turned darker and your limbs seemed to go numb, but they still moved and held you up.

   “Y/N?” Sam’s voice beckoned. You looked up at him and pulled your hand away. His eyes were full of regret.

   “Are you okay?” He asked.

   “Will- will you stay with me tonight?” You asked softly, not recognizing your own voice. Some part of you wanted him to agree. For some reason, your fight or flight instincts began to kick in

   “Um.” He mumbled.

   “Nevermind, that was a dumb question...” You looked down. 

   “I should...I should go.” Sam said, standing up and quickly walking towards the door. He paused and turned to look at you again.

   “Y/N, we can’t see each other. Not again. I can’t.” He looked back at you and you felt your heart break for the second time. 

   “Did you stop loving me? We can make it work, I know we-”

   “No, Y/N.” Sam said, frustrated. You felt a heavy breath leave your chest and your hands lifted to wipe your eyes.

   “Thought I had you there.” Sam’s expression changed to fear as your eyes turned black. He stumbled back and reached for his gun. But your hand lifted again and he flung backwards against the wall.

You were trapped inside your own body.

   “Y/N, I know you’re in there. You can fight this-” Sam was cut off when his windpipe was. Your arm was extended and seemed to be choking him through the air, your heart sped up, beating furiously. You screamed for him to help you, but your mouth didn’t open and your voice made no sound. It was just as if there were weights on your ankles, holding you down and keeping you from moving, interrupting.

   “Finally,” The thing controlling you finally spoke.

   “Been waiting a long time for you, Sammy.” It let him go and he took in a sharp breath to refill his lungs. The corners of your mouth turned up into a smirk and Sam Winchester looked genuinely scared.

   “Let Y/N go, this has nothing to do with-” His throat closed up again and there was a sickening laugh that came from inside your skull. It echoed loudly enough to cloud your thoughts.

   “Sam! Help me!” You shrieked, and the presence laughed again. 

   “He can’t do anything to help you, now, all he can do is-”

 A gunshot rang out and you felt a searing pain in your thigh. A scream ripped through your chest and the force that had taken over you laughed again.

   “You shot me? That can’t do much.” It said. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Dean standing in the doorway with a soft plume of smoke coming from his pistol.

   “Unless there’s a devil’s trap carved into the bullet.”

To be continued   

Always Tags: @knightofmischief @potato8queen @sherlock44 @too-much-winchester   @krista200022   @mcdoyle22   @lezbianlovebitez @leiassorganaa@katestiel @kylorentrsh @trashbutnotforyou @angel-of-death23 @angel-allie-golcha-aroha @thedamnchesters @kickasscas67 @hoe-zier @kyara2015 @trustnobodyshootfirst @all-ur-friends-r-dead @rhae-winchester @one-shots-supernatural @spn-ayyy @abigrumple @livelovelike555 @missdestiel67 @lemonadegazeelle @elsatxx @superhero-lover101 @jadepc @becs-bunker

Sam Tags: @commitmenttosparklemotion @carbonated-beverages  @galaxyllamaftw @pilaxia

Not on a tag list but I thought might like to read part 2: @gallifreyansass @growningupgeek @broken-angel-withashotgun

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[beeblackburn]

Pretender Reads A Little Hatred, Part I, Chapter Eight

There are no young heroes here, just a young adult trying to go through these chapters. Goes without saying spoilers ahead for the entirety of The First Law works beyond the keep reading. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Title: Young Heroes Point-of-View: Leo dan Brock

“Bastards,” breathed Jurand, studying the valley through his eyeglass.

Leo plucked it from his hand and trained it on the ridge. Through its round window, wobbling with his own barely controlled frustration, he could see the Northmen, their spears black pinpricks against the dull sky. They hadn’t moved all morning. Maybe three score of them, thoroughly enjoying the sight of Angland’s shameful retreat. Leo thrust the eyeglass at Whitewater Jin. “Bastards.”

“Aye,” agreed Jin in his thick Northern accent, lowering the glass and thoughtfully scratching at his beard. “They’re some bastards, all right.”

Glaward slumped over his saddle bow with a groan. “Who’d have thought war could be so bloody boring?”

With a chapter title like Young Heroes and an opening like this, they set up a chapter theme about young, dumb, male soldiers realizing that the thing they idealized to all hell and heaven beyond... is actually kind of boring, less the 1% pants-shitting terror and “glory” of actual fighting, and the 99% of the time, the tedium and waiting between such set-pieces of battlefield terrors.

On a side note, this just makes me smile at how this feels like Calder and Tunny espying each other on opposite ends of the battlefield. I enjoy me some military humor, and The Heroes was just full of that side-splitting stuff. I also enjoy Red vs. Blue for similar reasons!

“Nine-tenths of war is waiting,” said Jurand. “According to Stolicus.” As though quoting a famous source made it any easier to bear.

Snrrrrk. I mean, true, read knowledge is not lived experience, but the reason people quote from famous sources is because they’re generally universal truths, recognized as such by others. Enough that we repeat them, we repeat them so much because human nature really doesn’t change that much. War doesn’t change.

And, honestly, thank god, there’s someone in Leo’s group with a brain. Thank you, Jurand, for providing a counterbalance to Leo’s relentless testosterone into these chapters.

“You’ve two choices in war,” said Barniva, “boredom or terror, and in my experience boredom’s far preferable.”

Leo was tiring of Barniva’s experience. Of his talk of horrors the rest of them couldn’t understand. Of his frowning off at the horizon as if there were haunting memories beyond. All because he’d spent eight months on campaign in Styria, and barely left Lord Marshal Mitterick’s well-guarded command post the whole time.

Hey, Mitterick! How’ve you been? Probably not well, given how Terez talked about the Styria Campaigns. (grimaces)

And, I’m definitely seeing the shape of this chapter more now. Whereas Where the Fight’s Hottest was more a deep-dive into Leo’s individual character, Young Heroes is more into fleshing out his supporting cast, his band of brothers. And here’s where they start being differentiated: Jurand’s the knowledgeable one who gets his wisdom from books and history, Barniva’s the one who’s actually lived through war and gained wisdom through practical experience.

“Not everyone’s as fashionably war-weary as you.” Leo loosened his sword in the scabbard for the hundredth time that morning then shoved it back. “Some of us want to see some action.”

“Ritter saw some action.” Barniva rubbed at his scar with a fingertip. “That’s all I’ll say.”

Leo frowned, wishing he had a scar of his own. “If war’s so terrible, why don’t you take up farming or something?”

“I tried. I was no good at it.” And Barniva frowned off at the horizon as if there were haunting memories beyond.

God, Leo, you really did learn fuck nothing from what happened with Ritter, huh. All you keep wanting to see are the blessings of war and none of the curses, even after that loss and the anguish you felt. I really hope you get that scar you want, Leo, from skull to crotch.

Barniva reminds me of Craw in his war-weary ways, in the sense that he was tired of war, but he ended up traumatized and PTSD-ridden and couldn’t easily adjust back to peace-time, ending up roped right back into it because it was what he knew and was good at.

Except far younger, I presume.

Jurand caught Leo’s eye and rolled his to the heavens, and Leo had to smother a laugh. They knew each other’s minds so well they hardly even needed words.

Welp. So much for Jurand having the brain. Not that I didn’t laugh, but that’s because of the prose, these young men really should know better than to laugh off a more experienced man’s words. Jurand and Leo must really be close friends, if they have that sort of connection.

“Bastards.” Antaup tossed back that loose lock of dark hair that always hung across his forehead and right away it flopped down again. He was the one the girls couldn’t leave alone, slick and quick and well groomed as a winning racehorse, but all of Leo’s friends were fine-looking men in their own ways. Jin was fierce as the Bloody-Nine in a fight, but when that toothy grin split his red beard and those blue eyes twinkled, it was like the sun coming out. You couldn’t deny Barniva made the brooding veteran act work for him, especially with the scar on his forehead and the white streak it had left in his hair. Then Glaward was a slab of good-humoured manliness, with the height, and the shoulders, and the stubble already thick an hour after he shaved.

As handsome a crowd of young heroes as you could hope to find. What a painting they’d make! Maybe Leo would get one commissioned. Who’d know an artist? He found himself glancing sideways.

Riiiiiiight, “fine-looking men” and “the sun coming out,” huh. Wanting a painting, right? By the dead, is this as unsubtle as a truck rammed clean through a warehouse door. There’s definitely a narrative point to these descriptions, fleshing out Leo’s crew in the details so that we grow more attached to them, but my god, from a character standpoint, how can anyone read this and not come out of it thinking Leo is a very gay or, at least, bi-curious man? 

Which brings the question: does Leo know? I lean towards no, given how oblivious he generally is and there’s no conscious attraction register in his voice, but geez.

Which, are we really doing this, Abercrombie? Writing a gay/bi man who’s also dealing with toxic masculinity? There is no way a writer as meticulous as Abercrombie would accidentally write a LGBT+ character. I’m definitely game for it, but why did you have to make the most oblivious male point-of-view so far attracted to guys, man. 

(craughes in anguish and hilarity pain) What the fuck, Abercrombie, you shit.

Also, hey, another Bloody-Nine mention! Those are always fun! I guess he must’ve heard them, being at the Dogman’s place, during meals.

The ladies in Ostenhorm might not see it, but Jurand was the best-looking of the pack. They might’ve called his features soft, beside Glaward’s cleft chin or Antaup’s sharp cheekbones, but Leo thought of them more as… delicate? Subtle? The slightest bit vulnerable, even? But you’d find no one tougher than Jurand in defence of his friends. The expressiveness he could pack into a glance. The little frown as he thought something through. The twitch at the corner of his lips as he leaned close to say it. And always something worth hearing. Something nobody else would’ve—

Jurand glanced sideways and Leo looked quickly away, back up towards those Northmen on the ridge.

“Bastards,” he said, a little hoarse.

“Something nobody else would’ve—” what, Leo? (grins) I’m listening.

Right. So. Leo definitely isn’t aware he’s got gay/bi feelings. And he’s definitely got closeted feelings for Jurand, or I’ll eat his mud-drenched boot. I mean, come on, he fixates a lot of small details of Jurand, understands enough of his body language to know what will comes after each, even knows the emotional details on his face...

Too bad Leo is as thick as a brick. Which is a shame, because this is honestly pretty cute and the most I’ve related to Leo thus far. It’s a nice note between Leo and Jurand. I just hope, once Leo realizes it, he doesn’t obliviously charge into a confession and get rejected by Jurand. But, with Abercrombie, who knows. The Circle of the World isn’t that nice.

“And all we can do is sit here,” grumbled Antaup, having a little rummage to unstick his balls. “Like caged lions.”

“Like leashed puppies.” Glaward wrestled the eyeglass from Antaup’s hand. “Where the hell have you been, anyway?”

“Just… checking on the baggage.”

Jin snorted. “With a woman?”

“Not necessarily.” Antaup’s grin seemed to have twice as many teeth as a regulation mouth. “Could’ve been several. A man has to find something to stave off the despair. Who’d have thought war could be so bloody boring?”

(arches an eyebrow) An Eater like Yoru Sulfur? Antaup’s behavior doesn’t strike me as a lie, but maybe it’s a cover-up? Either way, what a ladies’ bone-head, you guys really think war is all glory and girls, as if you didn’t soak yourself through blood and rain awhile ago? Jurand and Barniva are really carrying this group’s brain cell count, aren’t they.

Barniva looked up. “You’ve two choices in—”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll stab you,” said Leo.

Snrrrk. Okay, that was kind of funny.

Leo could usually rely on some cheering when the common soldiers saw him. A few shouts of, “The Young Lion!” so he could shake a fist and slap a back and bellow some nonsense about the king. Now the men struggled past in silence with their eyes on the mud, and with no help yet from Midderland, even Leo was a lot less inspired by royalty than he used to be. It seemed the days of warrior-kings like Harod the Great and Casamir the Steadfast were far in the past, and supplies of patriotic bluster were running dangerously short.

I mean, given what Bayaz said about Harod and, more incisively, what Shenkt himself thinks of his former self... are those really models to emulate, Leo? I suppose I can’t really blame him, mostly because a kingdom that doesn’t help out its beaten men can’t help but look useless under that light.

On another note, it says something when Jezal’s reign even has the nobility a bit chafed, even despite Bayaz’s efforts to make Jezal look a warrior-king. After a point, substance really needs to be beneath the image you present outward. Though, I suppose those failed Union-Styria campaigns don’t help.

“I’d never argue with your mother on strategy,” grunted Antaup, “but constant retreat is no good for men’s spirits.”

“Taste o’ victory would soon perk ’em up,” said Whitewater.

“Perk us up, too.” Glaward nudged his horse closer to Leo, dropping his voice. “Be easy to teach those bastards a lesson.” And he bunched one big, veiny fist and punched at the air with it. “Like we did at that farm.”

There is a sound military logic to staving off low morale as much as possible. People won’t fight as hard under low morale, starving and cold and feeling like their king doesn’t care for them, as much as high spirits. A strong leader can help inspire more heat and blood out of their people than constant retreat. 

But...

Leo fiddled with the pommel of his sword, loosening it in the scabbard again. He could remember every detail of the charge. Ripping wind and thundering hooves. The axe-haft jolting in his hand. The fear-stricken faces of the enemy. The giddy joy as they broke and ran.

Jurand had that little crease of worry between his brows. “We’ve no idea what’s behind that ridge.”

Leo thought of Ritter’s funeral. The words by the grave. The weak-chinned wife weeping by the fireside. Men’s lives were in his hands. These men’s lives, who’d ride through fire for him. His friends. His brothers. He couldn’t stand to lose another.

“Jurand’s right.” He slapped his sword back, forced his hand away from the hilt. “We don’t know what’s behind that ridge. And mother would kill me.”

Hey! Turns out Ritter managed to sink in, just a little! Good for you, Leo! I managed to tolerate your musclehead existence just a little more! You might make a respectable middle-rung military man someday.

And, beyond the cute detail that Leo was clearly paying attention to Jurand beforehand to notice that little crease, it says good things that Leo’s willing to pay mind to sense when it comes from his best friend.

Good moment, even if you were briefly tempted by the lure of more battle for a moment. 

“We did all right against Stour Nightfall’s men last week,” grumbled Leo.

“Nightfall is over on our right just now.” She swished her baton towards the South, making him wince again. There was just something off about a woman waving a baton around, even if she was in command for now. “Those are Black Calder’s men. And Calder is not a warrior, like his son.” She raised one brow at Leo. “Or mine. Calder is a thinker, like me. You see those woods, over to the right? He has horsemen there, waiting for us to make a fool’s mistake.”

Ugh, Leo, I actually grew to tolerate you more for a second. Please don’t push some gross patriarchal bullshit onto us. It’s not cute, it’s dumb, and diminishing of the fierce women in this series and how much your mother’s been holding up the Angland boat as best as she could.

Also, YES, that’s my dumb Calder boy! Being all cunning and tactical, trying to out-think the others on the battlefield! Except, now, he’s got a worthy opponent in Finree. Though, I definitely wonder if Calder brushed up on his military tactics post-The Heroes. He was certainly fine and exercising some sound military logic back then, but this feels like a step-up from looking at the ground and exploiting loss of military intelligence.

Leo should’ve been pleased at his own good judgement. Instead he felt angry at missing the obvious. “So we just sit here and let them laugh at us?”

“I wouldn’t want them to miss the show.” His mother nodded towards the straggling column, thrown into even more disarray by a puddle in the track. “I put our shabbiest men in this valley with orders to march as badly as they could.”

“You did what?”

“Let them laugh, Leo. Their laughter will leave no widows weeping. We have our best companies out of sight in the valley behind. If they come, we’ll be ready.” She leaned from her saddle to push back his hair. “What’s this?”

Leo really has to learn to let go of a moment’s humiliation in order to seize the last laugh. All part of that toxic masculinity deconstruction, I see, and I suppose Leo’s still got a long’s way ahead of him in terms of learning that. Better a living laugh than the yawning of a corpse, Leo. Always.

“Nothing,” he said, brushing her hands away from the scab. “I was training. With Antaup and Barniva.”

“Finally managed to land one on him,” said Antaup, grinning.

Jurand cleared his throat and Leo’s mother frowned. “Tell me he didn’t fight you both at once.”

Antaup’s famous way with the ladies clearly didn’t include lady governors. “Well… not as such—”

“When will you learn you’ll never beat two strong men together?”

“I saw Bremer dan Gorst do it,” said Leo.

“That man’s no model for anything,” she snapped. “Think of your father. He was brave, none braver, but between your grandfather’s treason and the weakness of Angland when he took charge, he learned to be patient. He knew what he was good at. He never had too high an opinion of himself.”

BURN. And who better from than someone who told off Gorst about what a shithead he is? 

I love me some Finree, she’s so on-point throughout this book, just toppling these masculine egos, left to right. She’s such a great part of what makes Leo’s  testosterone poisoning so bearable down to brass tacks.

Though, gods, Leo... please don’t tell me you look up to Gorst and that’s you decided to go one-vs-two? I actually think there’s some wisdom in learning how to fight against multiple men at the same time, but if that’s the reason? 

Leo, please. Don’t be another fool like your fellow musclehead Glaward.

“You’re saying I do?”

Jurand cleared his throat again and Leo’s mother laughed. “You know I love you, Leo, but yes, painfully so. Still, it’s hardly a surprise you turned out hotheaded. You were conceived on a battlefield.”

Leo caught Glaward and Barniva grinning at each other and felt himself blushing. “Do you have to, Mother?”

“I don’t have to. Honestly, every generation seems to think coupling is some grand new invention never thought of before. How they believe they came into being in the first place is entirely beyond me. High time you found a wife of your own. Someone to keep you out of trouble.”

Huh! Was he literally born during The Heroes' time then? That still makes me wonder why he hasn’t gotten the Lord Governor position yet. He should be of age, no?

Also, shit, Leo, you really had to ask that? If your head was any bigger, you’d fill the entirety of Angland yourself. I’d put good odds on it being denser than the soil there too.

Also, “someone to keep you out of trouble”? I thought that was Jurand’s job, don’t think I missed that cleared throat, hehehe.

“I thought that was your job,” he grumbled.

“I have a war to fight.”

“That’s the problem. You’re not bloody fighting.”

“Did you never read that Verturio I gave you? Not fighting is what war’s all about.” And taking the last word, as ever, she trotted off westwards with her retinue following.

Jurand cleared his throat yet again and Leo rounded on him. “Could you just bloody cough and get it over with?”

“Well, the lady governor always makes some very good points. And you really should read Verturio—”

Snrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk. Oh, Jurand, you are precious with your throat clearing. And nice to know you’ve got enough bone to speak some good sense opposite to what Leo wants to hear.

Huh! Well, that certainly answers one question from the last Leo chapter! Sounds like Finree’s brushed up on her military leaders. And it doesn’t surprise me that Verturio’s her choice of leader, given how much more cunning Verturio ran, compared to Stolicus’ more honest and morally upstanding leader.

Honestly, Finree, you’re better off giving Leo more Stolicus, he’s more likely to take that to heart than Verturio and, especially, Farans and Bayaz Bialoveld.

“She’s only governor until the king confirms me in my father’s place.” Three years since the funeral, and Leo was still bloody waiting. He glared across the valley at those bastard Northmen, watching from their ridge. “Then I can do things my way.”

Oooh, details confirmed! Hal died three years ago, huh? And, wait, Leo wasn’t automatically recognized as Lord Governor? Why was that? What’s Glokta’s motive for that?

Also, damn, Leo, don’t get sulky. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you decided to itch for a fight now, despite not wanting to earlier, after your mother came and emasculated you. Leo here just strikes me as a dude who does everything contrary to his parent, just to get a rise out of them, and it’s frankly more childish than most of Rikke’s whining. You really think your way won’t get a bunch of your men killed sooner, given how you’re handling things now? Learn some damn restraint and tactics, Young Lion!

“Mmm.” Jurand had that worried crease between his brows again.

“Whose side are you on?”

“The Union side, along with you and your mother.”

Leo couldn’t help grinning. “Very reasonable, as always.”

Jurand grinned back. “Someone needs to be.”

Jurand, you’re a peerless jewel, and I love you.

And good to know that Leo has a decent sense of humor. He definitely strikes me as a frat bro with a sword in the sense that he’ll get all huffy and heated when a woman cuts him down, but he’ll allow a ton of wisecracks from his friends, deserved or not (but definitely deserved here and, let’s face it, a blanket rest of the time because Leo’s brain seems to be mostly muscle, partly heart, and heavy with sharpened steel).

“Reasonable men might live longer.” Leo pulled his gloves off and tossed them over, left Jurand juggling them as he swung down from his saddle. “But does anyone remember the bastards afterwards?”

Reasonable men also have less dead friends, Leo. And most people in the Circle of the World would prefer a breathing life to a life only in the stories and songs. As the Bloody-Nine would say, “You got to be realistic,” you battle-hungry fool. 

The drummer boy at the head of the next company had given up playing altogether, shambling along with knees knocking against his drum, teeth chattering from the cold. He looked up as Leo came close and snatched his white hands from his armpits, but fumbled his sticks and sent them tumbling to the dirt.

Leo stooped and plucked them up before the boy could bend, gripped them in his teeth while he shrugged off his cloak and offered it out. “I’ll swap you.”

“My lord?” The boy could hardly believe his luck as he wriggled from the strap of his drum and swaddled himself in several dozen marks’ worth of best Midderland wool.

Say one thing about Leo dan Brock, say he instinctively knows how to improve his men’s morale without a battle. Good to know, military-wise, there’s more than a fist in his brain, a legit natural-born leader in Leo and someone who could legitimately be a great man in his own right. (snaps fingers and sighs) We just gotten knock out that pesky charge-happy mentality of his... 

A leader should share the hardships of his men, his father used to tell him. He’d have a dry tent, a warm fire and a good dinner this evening, while they’d be lucky to get a blanket and a bowl of soup. But if he could put a little spring in their step on the way, it would be something. Something for them, and something for him. Something to show those bastards on the hill.

That, and Leo had always been the worst man in the world when it came to doing nothing.

“I’ll try to remember how to play,” he called over his shoulder, “if you lot can remember how to march!”

“I’m no genius like Jurand,” called Glaward, turning so he was trotting backwards, “but as I recall, it’s one foot after the other!”

“We’ll give it a try, my lord!” called a thickset sergeant, the men already moving faster.

Leo smiled as he started to tap out the rhythm. “That’s all I ask.”

Yup, Hal’s advice strikes close to Stolicus here:

“A captain looks first to the comfort of his men, then to his own.”

And here’s Leo, when he’s just with his men, trying to improve their morale, even if his motives are a bit more selfish than first blush. Men of action not need to be solely men of fighting only. They have to inspire their men beyond every battle’s victory. Times like this, I definitely see the leader Finree believes and wants her son to be, if not for his thundering stubbornness in the face of a good military sense.

Leo’s still got a book to improve beyond this though, so let’s hope for the best.

As a chapter, Young Heroes details Leo’s relationship with his men as a unit, fleshing them out as characters, such as Antaup, Barniva, and, especially, Jurand. Theme-wise, it’s all about the tedium of war after the thundering blood-rush and glory of Where the Fight’s Hottest, about what happens when young heroes have to be face-to-face with the most boring reality of war. It details Leo’s genuine good qualities as a leader and slowly shows him learning from Ritter’s death, but, on a more fruitful and interesting note, it sets up him having an attraction to men, which is... mmm. Definitely interesting, combined with his toxic masculinity, also shown with his interacting with his mother.

At least Leo made me bang my head against a wall less this time.

PART I

Chapter One: Blessings and Curses Chapter Two: Where the Fight’s Hottest Chapter Three: Guilt Is a Luxury Chapter Four: Keeping Score Chapter Five:  A Little Public Hanging Chapter Six: The Breakers Chapter Seven: The Answer to Your Tears Chapter Eight: Young Heroes Chapter Nine: The Moment