#you can ask for starters any time tbh

[entrepy]

comment an emoji for a starter from a muse ( multiple emojis welcome ) ,

hit the ❤️ to plot about muse interactions ( recommended for first time callers ) ,

keep scrolling if: not a cool person .

🦾 bucky barnes ( mcu based ) ( carrd )

🩺 henrietta bouquin ( fandomless, marvel affiliations present )

🕶  isha bansal ( fandomless, marvel affiliations present ) ( carrd )

🔪 james barnes ( 616 based ) ( carrd )

🥸 lloyd hansen ( the grey man movie only ) ( carrd )

🕷  natasha romanoff ( mcu based / what if influences )

👽 orron ( fandomless, marvel affiliations present ) ( carrd )

🐦 sam wilson ( mcu based, 616 influences )

🪀 steve rogers ( mcu based, 616 & animated series influences) ( carrd )

🎀 takeshi kovacs ( carrd )

[erroryeswifi]

I like your Steve and Harold being nemesis hc! Can we get more lore? >< If you want to👍

Boy, am I glad you asked!

Okay for starters, the whole reason I picture them having beef stems from two main reasons:

1. Harold is a piece of shit bully, and Steve is extremely bulliable (imo at least haha) and

2. (The main reason) both Steve and Harold both went into school for psychology (at least they should have).

Now you may ask, wdym they both went into school for psychology? Where did you hear that from? Well, it’s more of an assumption tbh but the thing is, Harold is a Therapist and Steve is a school counsellor. Both are professions that need a bachelors degree in psychology (plus teachers college for Steve since he’s also a teacher/works with kids). So I always thought it’d be fun to pair them up, that’s basically it.

Okay now with that settled this is how I imagine the eras of their relationship:

Elementary school:

The two met in school as kids. Their relationship with one another at this point is really just Harold picking on Steve for dumb kid stuff. But as they get older it mostly becomes more targeted towards Steve’s femininity. Harolds bullying on this topic specifically is a big push into it becoming a major insecurity. It sticks with him for a long time even as an adult he’ll sometimes (rarely though) get a bit insecure about being effeminate. (An example of this could be in the episode “The Sorcerer”. Where we see the infamous “I am a man!” line from Mr Small. I love this clip so much so here it is ⬇️)

High school:

Similar to elementary school this bit of their relationship is also mostly just bullying. Though this time ramp the intensity 10 fold! Now it’s more than just bullying, it’s straight up abuse. Getting beat up and yelled at constantly and for very personal things too (*cough* being gay *cough*). Luckily for Steve though he has some friends that have his back and help whenever they can (Sal left thumb, Patrick Fitzgerald and Nicole Watterson to be specific). I’m a truther to the idea that Harold is bisexual as fuck but is so deep in the closet even he doesn’t know he’s in there.

University:

Now this is where things get messy. After graduating High school, Steve is excited to start his new University life! He got into a good school for psychology in the hopes of becoming someone who can help make change in people’s lives. Due to his direct family not living in Elmore and the fact that he’s old enough to live on his own at this point, Steve decides it would be best if he lived in a dorm. It’s cheaper than an appartement and it’s on the school campus. It’s perfect! And he’s very excited to start this new chapter of his life. Once he gets to his dorm he knocks on the door excited to meet his new roommate. And to his demise, Harold Wilson opens the door.

Basically this era the two have to deal with being roommates. Harold doesn’t seem to mind it in comparison to Steve who is absolutely mortified at the idea. Steve wants to give him a chance, they’re both adults now and he doesn’t want some stupid childhood rivalry to mess up this experience for him.

To Steve’s surprise, Harold seems to have mellowed out. He’s still arrogant and annoying but it’s not as bad as he thought it would be. He learned to live with it, and he did so peacefully. He didn’t mind it and it felt nice not having tension between each other.

It was like this for a while before Harold started becoming a bit touchy. It catches Steve off guard but he figures Harold is just becoming more comfortable with him so he doesn’t think much of it. Well he was right, Harold was becoming comfortable, very comfortable. Harold decided this was the perfect opportunity to experiment with himself. And I don’t really know how to write this smoothly but basically the two of them ended up becoming low maintenance zero commitment flings BAHAHAHA!

There is no romance involved in this. Steve does not like Harold in any romantic sense at all but he’s desperate and lonely and having someone anyone to at least pretend to fill that void was good enough for him. As for Harold, he’s really just experimenting, no feelings involved and definitely no feelings of guilt unlike Steve. I think after high school a lot of Steve’s friends and him drifted apart. He’s still friends with them but they don’t hang out nearly as much as they used to.

This relationship of theirs goes on for their first year of University. In the second year, Steve decides he’s not happy living like that and requests to switch roommates (which he does). After that he and Harold didn’t ever talk to each other other than class related things as they still shared classes. Once Steve manages to get his bachelors degree he leaves the school to do teacher’s college while Harold stays to get his PhD in psychology.

Post Uni/Work:

This era is the tamest their relationship has been. Their relationship at this point is professional as the majority of direct contact between them is Mr Small as the guidance councillor for Harold’s son. Other than that, the only interactions between them is occasionally bumping into each other in public by accident. Harold makes a few witty comments and that’s about it.

Wow! Okay that was a lot, but yeah, this is the sum of how I imagine their relationship is. I guess you could say this is apart of my Highschool/College Au? But the thing about that Au is that it’s just how I envisioned the past lives of literally everyone, it is doesn’t specifically revolve around just Mr Small or anything ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[f1amboyant]

I'm not gonna say that I've been plotting this AU instead of working this morning but that's exactly what I'm doing, thinking about my comfort emotionally constipated soulmates. Honestly I feel like Carlos would really be happy to romance even if he wasn't Charles' soulmate, boy is he smitten with his little green eye teammate that looks at him like he created aerodynamics, he never had a chance. I am also 100% sure Ferrari would exploit it like the money hungry pr vultures they are but anyway, this is the direct following of the last ask:

Charles knows it is unfair and stupid to be upset about Carlos finding a new soulmate in his new teammate but he had to endure all the summer break reading James Vowles' words about Carlos and he was jealous and triggered that someone would dared to talk like that about him, like he wanted to climb inside him; it made him a little insecure that James would predicate his love for Carlos and STEAL him away from Charles.

So in Charles opinion he had a perfectly acceptable reaction on a Thursday morning in their motorhome after not seeing his soulmate for weeks and him dropping a bomb like that and that is climb into his lap (Carlos allows it even though he had to maneuver his coffee cup), breaking up in tears and babbling about how this is so unfair and he loves him more than anyone in Williams ever could and complaining about his soul hurting since February and something about setting Fred's room on fire... Carlos lets him get all out, a little stunned and petting Charles' back from the back of his neck to the swell of his ass before settling on his waist, over where he knows his mark is and his other hand scratching his head, coffee cup abandoned on the floor. If someone would had entered the room they would've seen them like that, folded into each other, meters of skin touching, fitting like a puzzle, filling each other's gaps and in such intimate conversation, whispering their yearnings into each ears, painful to watch such a beautiful image. After a while Carlos decides to move the conversation forward and helps Charles move out of his lap bc this is a serious situation and he can't think clearly when he has the weight of his literal soul on top of him and he rather have the talk before his dick decides to move the conversation to another direction 👀

Their love confessions are raw, no more pretty words and metaphors, just pure feelings and stories of yearning, pain; Carlos says he can always feel Charles around like a missing limb and Charles' recalls how he thought he was having a stroke after the Lewis news broke out, how he thought his heart was stopping. They both rip themselves opened for the other to see and Charles is sure that if you cut him open at this mark, not only his skin, but his flesh, bones and organs would be stained gold and for a second he wished he could move his mark from Carlos' shoulder to his throat or his lips so everyone would see it, so there wasn't any doubt that Carlos is his and his only, that even though Carlos was full of color and love for the world, his skin a canvas and his body a museum, his heart only belongs to Charles.

Their first kiss is soft and warm, interwoven with each other, Charles' legs over his lap and his head cushioned on his shoulder, hand over his heart, Carlos' hands still on his mark and his hair, keeping him close and wondering what's next, bc for starters they should be on their way to do their press work but how do you go out after ripping your own soul in half and sew it inside someone else? Charles really doesn't want to move and Carlos has to coax him with sweets "mi alma" and "mi corazón" and promises of a evening alone in his room getting to know every corner of their bodies and souls 🫣🫣🫣

Charles is not above asking for a bj (he doesn't even care what way it goes) and being a menace tbh. He is also gonna be a little shit every time he passes James Vowles bc honestly, f him.

I have so many ideas about their dynamic (and other's tbf), they make me insane 🥰🎨

OH MY GOD

First, plotting AUs during work is such a mood. I totally get it 🤭

Yes! Carlos would absolutely love Charles, whether they are soulmates or not!! So true!

Oh my god, Charles falling apart 😭 Saying his soul is hurting?? I am hurting at that 😭😭😭

Love confession, yay!!! But no pretty words, they are raw and tender, they just say it straight. They are one. Together or nothing 😭 Their first kiss so tender and yet so urgent.

I wonder what they are going to do for that first night together 🤭

Ahahah, I love the idea of Charles being a complete menace to James (and maybe James plays with it a little, teases him, still uses romantic terms to refer to Carlos, until Carlos puts a stop to it)

Thank you so much for sharing anon! Please feel free to share more if you want to! (I must admit that I'm more interested in the charlos part than other ships though 🫣)

[venerawrites]

Helloo! could I humbly request relationship headcanons for Sasuke before and after the war? as in the difference between him then and after? I always thought he'd be a lot more mature and his views on things might change? especially since before he never would've had the time to actually consider things like romantic relationships and such to a deep extent? I'd love to hear your thoughts! I wish you a good day/night!

(fem reader or gn!neutral is up to you! I'm okay with either!)

author's note: hi, lovely! I am so glad to get a request for Sasuke, as he is one of my favourite boys, but I don't really get the chance to write a lot for him. I guess the "after the war" Sasuke can be a bit OOC if you follow Boruto, but as I haven't watched it and I don't really agree with how most of the characters developed... I just kind of wrote the way I envision it. I hope you enjoy! <3

BEFORE the war

It is very hard to imagine Sasuke having a relationship with someone during the time when the only thing that plagued his mind was the idea of revenge.

If he was to get interested in someone, I would imagine it would be a civilian/retired ninja during his travels with Team Taka. (I don't really imagine him falling for a ninja tbh)

I think even here, we have to separate before and after Itachi's death...

Let's roll with the idea that he meets his s/o before killing his brother. During this time he won't be really interested in forming a relationship - for a really long time he won't even understand what is that funny thing inside his chest and why he feel the need to visit his s/o's house every few months.

Sasuke has the tendency to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, so I imagine that this is how he will behave with his s/o the same way - he will visit his their house at random times, always staying for different periods of time; demand that they heal him (if his s/o is a healer or had any basic medical knowledge); he would buy stuff for the house from the local market or leave some of his own (such as some of his clothes), almost as a way to establish a claim over them/their property.

He would never put a label on the type of "situationship" him and his s/o share, but it is clear to both that whatever is going on is deeper than a friendship.

Still very cold and reserved - would share very minimal information about his past or his goals, preferring to either sit in silence or ask his s/o questions.

Kind of grumpy and rude ALL THE DAMN TIME.

He didn't want to entertain the idea of having feelings for someone, yet he couldn't stay away. The intentions of his visits were always masked with some type of "excuse" - he was in "hiding"; he needed somewhere to "heal"; he wanted a "break" from his team etc. Yet he couldn't help but feel annoyed he was getting distracted from his main goal and he was taking it on his s/o in the form of snappy comments, rolling eyes, constant huffing and just in general bad attitude.

A silent protector - he would check on his s/o quite often, sometimes not even visiting their house, just watching from a distance to make sure they are okay. I imagine during this time he would be highly alert and worried Itachi may try to target his s/o, so he may even act a bit controlling by banning them from leaving their house after dark or letting any strangers inside.

Now Sasuke after killing Itachi and learning the truth about his clan... is a COMPLETELY different story.

We all know his mental health completely collapsed during this time and his mind spiraled downward. This would affect not only his actions, but also his relationship.

For starters, he would clearly establish that he consider them as "his" (if it was not clear before, it is now). His paranoia that everyone is after him, fueled with the fact that he not only wanted a revenge on Konoha, but also the belief that he needs to start rebuilding his clan soon, would push him into constantly trying to persuade his s/o to leave with him.

Now I've said that before, but I don't see Sasuke with the shy, agreeable type of partner... so most likely his s/o would just cuss him out and tell him to leave.

Lot's of arguments, jealousy and gaslighting - Sasuke is literally a walking RED FLAG during that time.

He also is not the type to give up easily, so even if his s/o tries to 'break things off', there is no getting rid of him - his s/o is HIS and he would make sure not only they understand it, but that the WHOLE WORLD does. Nobody loves like an Uchiha after all...

AFTER the war

If you expect head canons based on Sasuke's personality in Boruto... you better stop reading here! I've never seen Boruto, but I've read enough to know that (at least for me) almost all of the OG characters are ruined. So here is my interpretation of what type of partner Sasuke would be after the war...

Firstly, let's start with the fact that he will be by himself for a long time while travelling during his "exhile". Even if he had some type of partner/crush before the war, it is unlikely their relationship would survive after the war.

(which is quite good actually, because as I mentioned above, such relationship would be highly toxic and dysfunctional!)

I think at least a few years need to pass for him to really find himself, find his purpose and accept his past and that of his clan. He has been through a lot of trauma which needs a lot of healing and self-discovery.

Like mentioned above, I don't think he would fall in love with a ninja. In fact, I believe someone who is not really part of that bloody and cruel world would be perfect for him and he would finally have the chance to be himself.

Someone with a lot of patience would suit him well, because while he is more mature, I think he would be very insecure. He never really formed any significant bonds with other people, so he is unsure how to proceed and how to properly treat his s/o.

Definitely friends-to-lovers type of love story.

Sasuke after the war would be more patient and calm, but still fiercely overprotective. I still think he would scold his s/o of they are too careless or too trusting with strangers, he would be nearly as controlling as his younger self.

Tbh I never understood the character development in Boruto, because in my opinion adult Sasuke would totally want a quiet settled life with his partner, away from battles and more bloodshed.

It's already settled in him to be a provider and to be honest I imagine him as a very traditional male figure - the head of the family, the one taking care of his partner and kids, providing protection and security.

He still has a lot to learn and overcome, but the main thing that sets him apart from his younger self is the willingness to listen to his partner and work on himself.

He is still occasionally rude and snappy, and to an outsider way too cold and reserved toward his partner, but to his s/o it would be obvious that he does try to show affection in his own way - waking up before everyone else, so he can prepare breakfast; unconsciously shielding his partner (and kids) with his body in public; small gifts, most of which handmade; subtle touches on the arm or the lower back...

Overall, a piece of work... but definitely one that is worth it!

cc artwork: Christian Benavides

[feyburner]

tumblr user feyburner, i have a confession. i don't know how to roast a chicken, or do anything with a chicken, and at this point i'm afraid to ask.

I can tell you're afraid to ask bc this isn't really a question. But I will answer it anyway. I'm always happy to talk about chicken.

You’ll be pleased to learn that roasting a chicken is so easy. The below explanation is quite long bc I am including all the information I can remember, to set you up for chicken roasting success. But, essentially, you’re rubbing a chicken in oil and seasonings and putting him in the oven for like an hour. Done.

Remember that people have been roasting whole chickens since the dawn of time using whatever they had around bc it’s the most low effort, high reward meal ever. You could say the word “salt” in a chicken’s general direction and toss him at a candle flame and he would still turn out great.  

To roast a chicken:

Buy a whole chicken, however big you want. 4-5 lbs is enough to feed 3-5 people with leftovers.

Prepare a workspace with a plastic cutting board (not wooden bc raw chicken juices) and paper towels. 

Remove the giblets, pin feathers, extra flaps:

1. Stick your hand up his primary orifice and pull out anything loose. There is usually a handful of little organs like heart and gizzards and sometimes these strings of pale bean looking things (tbh not sure what those are). Save these for stock, except the liver (super dark squishy organ) which will disintegrate. You can eat the liver separate if you want.

2. Trim off any sticky-outy bits that have pin feathers on them, and the flaps of fat/gristle over his orifice. Save the fatty bits for stock. Leave the triangle of fat directly above the orifice (his tail). 

Pat the chicken dry with paper towels inside and out. Get him as dry as possible. 

Spatchcock: You don’t have to spatchcock/butterfly but I like to, bc it maximizes outer surface area for that good good crispy skin. Also easier to get breasts and thighs done at the same rate.

All you have to do is cut the backbone out of the chicken with poultry shears or kitchen scissors if you’re desperate. Then push down hard to crack the breastbone so he lies super flat. Save the backbone for stock or jus. How to spatchcock step by step guide.

Dry brine: Prepare a bowl of coarse kosher salt. More salt than you’d think. Like 1 Tbsp per lb of meat. Rub salt over the whole chicken inside and out. Don’t skimp on the salt especially on the inside. It will not make your chicken crazy salty, it doesn't penetrate the meat that deep. Also some will be wiped off before you cook. 

Put the chicken on a wire rack on a baking sheet and chill uncovered in the fridge for 2-24 hours. The point of this step is the salt draws moisture to the surface of the chicken, which then evaporates in the circulating fridge air. It helps you get crispy chicken skin.

Dry brine + resting isn't 100% necessary, if for some reason you must produce a roasted chicken on a time crunch. But it's a good practice.

Roasting time:

Pat excess moisture off chicken inside and out. If you did not spatchcock you can stuff the inside with a halved lemon or garlic head, herbs, whatever you want. 

Seasoning rub: Prepare a small bowl with olive oil (maybe 1/4-1/3 cup?), salt, freshly cracked black pepper, and whatever dried herbs and spices you want. A good starter is: salt, pepper, parsley sage rosemary thyme, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder. I love me some Cajun spice mix like Slap Ya Mama. Start with like 1-2 tsp of each (1 tsp spices, 2 tsp dried herbs) and build from there. Don’t be shy. Recipes on the internet are like “Use 1/2 tsp herbs for this whole recipe” because they’re heading off 1-star reviews from annoying people who can’t handle a molecule of flavor. Season with your heart, your pussy, and your balls. Don’t be ashamed to use a store-bought spice rub. It’s not lazy, it’s efficient. Also, who gives a shit.

Rub the oil all over Mr. Chicken like he’s an Ancient Greek warrior-prince you’re preparing for the Olympic Games. 

Some recipes tell you to use butter, or slip butter under the skin, but butter has higher water content than oil and might not get you the ideal crispy skin. You can do whatever you want though. It’s your chicken. 

Preheat the oven to 425°. People will tell you a billion different temperatures—screaming hot, low and slow—but I’m here to tell you that it is so hard to fuck up a roast chicken, you can experiment and the results will always be great. 

I like to start at a high temp for 30 minutes to get the skin crisping and then reduce to 375° for the rest of the time to avoid burning. Sometimes you’ll have to cover him with foil if the seasonings start charring. That’s fine.

General cook time: 20 minutes per lb of meat, give or take 20 depending on oven temp. A 4-5 lb chicken at 425° -> 375° generally takes me ~1 hour 20 minutes. If you do low and slow at like 325° it might take 2+ hours. Just check on him periodically. Tbh it’s harder to overcook a chicken than you probably think. 5 minutes, or even 10-20 minutes, is NOT the difference between beautiful tender juicy chicken and a bone-dry tragedy. Chicken is not turkey. He is versatile and he can take it.

Pull the chicken when a meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part reads 145° or above. (160° is the “safe temp” but 1. The temp will continue to rise for a few minutes after it leaves the oven, and 2. 160° is the temp at which bacteria dies immediately. 145° is fine for eating. Disclaimer: I am not a scientist just a guy who makes a lot of chicken.)

If you don’t have a thermometer, pull the chicken when you insert a knife into the thickest part and the juices run clear. Gorgeous.

Let him sit for 10-20 minutes before carving. When carving, find the oysters and give them to your favorite person or take them as the Cook’s Bounty.

**********************

Again, this explanation is quite long because I included lots of detail. If you do it even one time, you'll realize it's incredibly easy and intuitive and doesn't take much time at all.

Godspeed!

[cafeseoulmate]

Why We (Don’t) Work

i'm okay with being by your side for as long as i can hide what if i told you that i've fallen?

featuring: music major!beomgyu x fine arts major!gn!reader

genre: fluff, angst, childhood best friends to lovers, neighbors to lovers au, idiots to lovers au, high school au, college au, band au, hurt/comfort, slice of life, slowburn, mutual pining, 5+1 & nonlinear format

wc: 13k

warnings and other notes: cursing, alcohol consumption, reader is implied bi/pan, two jokes about murder, mention of the flu, brief mention of making out, cliches, inaccurate portrayal of a painting & sculpture double major, idk where this was going tbh

I. WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR TOO LONG

The idea of friends eventually becoming lovers, especially those who have known each other for a long time, is okay in your opinion. In theory, the principle of falling in love with someone whom you've previously built a relationship with is not that great but not that awful either.

It's reasonable, practical and natural even in many situations. You would know from the amount of friends you've watched over the years who only started seeing each other romantically after a few years of getting to know and being comfortable around each other platonically.

You just figure that it's not for you and Choi Beomgyu, the nuisance who's been affectionately stuck to your hip since your days at the neighborhood playground.

For starters, you've known him for far too long. Not that love is supposed to have an expiration date, it's just that most people who start off friends—like your college friends Yeji and Ryujin who started dating before your junior year—usually take less than a decade, and that is really pushing it in your humble opinion.

Beomgyu's known you since the time you were sporting bowl cuts your mom fashioned with your kitchen scissors, probably and unconsciously even longer than that given that your respective moms have also been close friends since you were toddlers. You've pushed each other at the swings and the slides more than any of your other childhood friends, have gone to the same schools together spent most of your non-holidays with each other since kindergarten, and even live in the same university dorm at the present.

You both had almost 16 years to bring up anything remotely close to romantic feelings with each other and the closest to romantic-leaning affection that you got from him was the time he gave you a bouquet of roses, and he didn't even buy it for you originally.

It was in your 10th grade, when Valentine's Day gifts have finally reached normal status among the consciousness of your teen peers. Since Halloween, Beomgyu had been saving up his money to buy Yeeun from Class 4 a bouquet of roses—bribing you to pay for his lunch two out of five days in the week, singing and dancing his ass off at his family's Christmas and Lunar New Year parties for money, and working the afternoon shift at the neighborhood guitar store—only to chicken out at the last minute because Jaehyun from Class 6 had asked Yeeun to be his girlfriend in a very public proposal at the soccer field.

In a small class reunion last Christmas, Taehyun had asked about the whole ordeal, supported by the drunk cheerings of your former classmates at the memory of Beomgyu handing you the abnormally large bouquet by the school gate during dismissal almost five years ago.

"What else do you want to know about that?" You asked with a frown, feeling light-headed from all the barbecue and soju yourself. It was finals week for most of you as well, somehow making all the shots of peach-flavored alcohol taste sweeter and the stories bitterer. "You all know how it went: Gyu chickened out and didn't want to waste his hard-earned money on a girl who got a boyfriend that same day so he gave it to me before we went home."

"You also gave me half of the money to buy it! That's also an important detail!" Beomgyu slurred out to your right, leaning his head on your arm with a giggle and making you roll your eyes. "I thought, 'ya, this person bought me lunch for three months they kind of bought this bouquet so I'll just give it to them. That's only fair!'"

Yunjin raised a finger this time, as if making a shushing motion in the air as she took a long sip of her soju bottle across the table. "Okay but!" She exclaimed after slamming her bottle down, momentarily covering her mouth as she hiccuped before continuing. "You...you could've just gave it to your mom or something!"

"Auntie's allergic to flowers." You pointed out. "My dad also forgot to buy my mom flowers that time so I gave it to him when I got home. I technically saved two lives that day.”

"So it didn't spark anything?" Jeongin pointed to you then to Beomgyu who was contemplating on falling asleep on you by that point, clearly uninterested in this conversation you've had with the rest of the world a million times already. "Not even a little bit?"

Of course there were times over the years, at least on your part—moments where Beomgyu spent an hour too long in your childhood home when he just told you that his parents wanted him to come home at a certain time, filled a day with questionably sweet gestures only to bribe you with trouble after, or comforted you too well in your darkest moments among others that made your heart flutter more than it's supposed to.

You never told anyone about how on that day, you plucked out a single rose from the bouquet before secretly handing it to your dad as he cooked a quick Valentine's Day dinner for your mom. There was no denying that, even if he gave it to you under pitiful circumstances, it was still a sweet gesture. After Yeeun, he thought of giving it to you, the next immediate person and his best friend.

The red rose drank fresh water by your windowsill for three days until Beomgyu invited himself over for a cram session when you ended up hiding the flower shamefully under your bed and convincing yourself that you were just momentarily blinded by the principle of the gesture.

Though it accidentally wilted after you've forgotten about it amidst your busy high school schedule, you still keep the petals in a box under your bed as a reminder of all those moments you've thought you were starting to feel something for your best friend, only to snap yourself out of it after. You even had one of the petals made into a resin necklace by Yeji when she picked up on the hobby, wearing it everyday since without Beomgyu ever asking about it’s significance.

He just thinks you got it from the congratulatory bouquet the boys all pitched in to give when you won a sculpting competition at the university museum.

But as mentioned, you've mostly come to terms with the fact that you've known Beomgyu long enough to let a lot of opportunities to pass by, even if it pains you. Though romantic love doesn’t have to have an expiration date, you think you’ve been around your best friend long enough to know and accept that nothing is going to happen.

So to keep up appearances, you shook your head in front of your demanding friends that night at the reunion and teasingly pushed the sleeping Beomgyu to Taehyun's shoulder, much to everyone's disappointment.

"I've known him for all my life, literally. If something remotely romantic were to happen, it should've happened years ago." You grimaced before downing another shot of peach soju, that particular shot stinging a bit too much for your liking.

"But that's, like, the tricky thing with friends: you never really know when things are starting to be something else with one or both people." Sieun pointed out with a pout.

"Oh, I can assure you, it's not like that with us." You waved your hand dismissively in response before quickly going back to gathering your next mouthful of lettuce wrap. “Anyway, you guys have known us pretty well too. We just don’t match that way.”

Next to you, Beomgyu groaned seemingly in agreement as he stirred on Taehyun's shoulder, moving to lean on you again. "You're all so fucking noisy." He mumbled on the nook of your neck, hands encircling around your waist as he then pointed at the jug of water on the table. “If Y/N says it's not like that then it's not like that. So let me sleep and let Y/N eat their food!"

You shrugged at Sieun and Yunjin, smoothly shifting the conversation's focus to Sieun after before filling in a glass of water for Beomgyu as he’s requested.

"You're going to have a nasty hangover later, you know." You pointed out to him, making sure to keep your voice low knowing that he's sensitive to noise when he's drunk.

"You'll take care of me." He replied confidently with a boyish grin, more as a statement than a question. "Can I sleep over your dorm later? Hyuka won't let me in the room like this and Ryujin's already on vacation anyway."

You then rolled your eyes, knowing full well that you don’t have a choice anyway. "Sure, sure."

II. WE HAVE SHIT TASTE IN PEOPLE (AND IT WOULD BE AN INSULT TO OURSELVES IF WE START LIKING EACH OTHER)

The first time someone directly and publicly questioned Beomgyu's relationship with you, however, was at the traditional secret gathering your classmates had arranged in your two-day senior retreat just four years ago. On that night, after a whole day of tedious team-building activities and an evening of getting lectured by your teachers on house rules, most of Class 2 gathered at the boys' shared room for swiped alcohol and midnight snacks.

At that time, it was Daehwi who had asked and the context was the equally traditional game of truth or dare. When Beomgyu was picked for the second time that night, he surprisingly chose truth, prompting the question everyone has apparently been asking among themselves.

"Would you date Y/N?"

Beomgyu laughed. It was always his instinct to laugh whenever his own relatives asked the same question or when you would tell your own similar experiences but also because he saw you throwing your head back in laughter as well from where you were seated between Yunjin and Ryujin.

But what really solidifies this question as an inside joke between the two of you was the time when you watched When Harry Met Sally together at a sleepover in Beomgyu's house a year before the class retreat.

It was the classic friends to lovers romcom that you ended up watching in that particular sleepover in the first place because Yunjin mentioned that it reminded her of you and Beomgyu. So of course it had to be brought up before you could accidentally fall asleep on Beomgyu that night, you pointing to Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan before smacking Beomgyu in the head and asking the exact same question the boy would face at the senior retreat.

"Without thinking about all the gross couple shit like kissing or whatever," You gagged between your question, making Beomgyu roll his eyes and scoff. "would you date me?"

"First of all: gross—"

"That's why I said without all the couple stuff!"

"Still gross! Why would you think of that question!"

Back to the class retreat, once Beomgyu had calmed down from laughing and before Jeongin or Hueningkai could start leading the teasing on how you and your best friend reacted to the question in the same way at the same time, he said, "Y/N has shit taste in people. It'd be an insult to myself if they start liking me, even more if we do date."

You laughed even harder, repeating the words back to him. "Ya, you have shit taste in people too!"

Daehwi almost did a whole spit take with his glass of Cola while hearing your exchange. "Damn, you two are brutal with each other!"

Taehyun told Beomgyu later on that he felt as if that particular answer could be misinterpreted as the latter being mean to you. But your best friend was quick to explain that it's something you actually talked about in the aforementioned sleepover. You also backed him up on this over breakfast the next day when you sat with the two boys.

On the night of your sleepover, after you asked the question and Beomgyu was done making his teasing disgusted faces in front of you, he had said the exact same words for the first time and even elaborated on it.

And like Daehwi, you also almost did a spit take hearing it for the first time but your own glass of hot chocolate.

"You had a crush on Yeonjun two years ago before he was cool and you dated that annoying what's-her-name from the softball team who, by the way, cheated on you before you could even celebrate 100 days." The blunt 11th-grader Beomgyu said in front of your surprised face on that sleepover. "Ah, and don't get me started on that time you were swooning over that asshole Taejoon from Class 7 last semester because he sat next to you on the bus when I got the flu? You were crushing on a guy who thought he was jack shit and played with a lot of girls while I was almost dying in the hospital! Shit taste and inconsiderate!"

You and Beomgyu also did not forget to mention to Taehyun about how you almost smothered Beomgyu to death with a pillow in response, pausing the movie so Meg Ryan didn't have to see the crime you were about to do before tackling your best friend on the bed.

"Hey, Yeonjun's cool and Minji from softball really is an asshole but I didn't know Taejoon had a reputation in Class 7 back then! I just thought he was cute and really polite to the old ladies and the kids on the bus!" You retorted aggressively, smacking Beomgyu's face repeatedly with the Hello Kitty pillow he lent you for that night. "And I visited you with the boys and Yunjin after school while you were sick to catch you up in class, you ungrateful brat! I have shit taste but I'll never be inconsiderate to you!

"While we're at it, you also have shit taste, mind you! Pining after girls like Yeeun and Rina right when they start dating other people! Ah, and you dated that girl, Areum, in the 9th grade too even when everyone kept telling you that she was trying to get to Soobin through you! Shit taste and idiotic!"

Your college years would not spare the both of you from having more strings of failed romantic relationships just as much as it did not stop all the questions from friends, both new and old, about Beomgyu's relationship with you so the answer always remained the same: both of you have shit taste in people so dating each other would be somehow insults to yourselves.

But there are times, of course, when it would just be you and Beomgyu alone and, instead of the usual jokes and banter, he allows himself to be just slightly honest for the sake of his sanity and to make sure that you never feel as if he has some hidden ill-intent in always jokingly bringing up the uglier sides of your dating history.

In another sleepover at his house last summer, he didn't fight you when you decide on watching My Best Friend's Wedding and blurted out halfway, "As your own best friend, I think you deserve the best."

Though no one did a spit take this time, you did momentarily freeze while trying to tuck yourself in under the weighted blanket you were sharing. On his laptop perched comfortably on a foldable table, the movie was coincidentally at the part where Julia Roberts was delivering the iconic, "Choose Me” speech.

“I'll have to say this quick or I'm just going to have this massive coronary and then you'll never hear it and.....and....you have to. This is, by far the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life.” Julia Roberts dramatically delivered on the laptop screen as if filling in the silence. “Ugh—so dumb in fact—uh—that I can't...... oh but I'm gonna.”

“What’s wrong?” Her male lead, Dermont Mulroney, asked and Beomgyu felt like he should be asking that question to you when your silence started dragging on for too long.

When you did regain your composure, you chuckled nervously. "I-I mean yeah, I know, but...what's with that all of a sudden?" You furrowed your brows up at him.

And like he was mirroring you, Beomgyu also paused for a moment as he too contemplated on why he said it out of nowhere.

Meanwhile, Julia Roberts just continued delivering her lines flawlessly, filling in the silence between the two of you. “Michael......I love you. I've loved you for nine years. I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it and, well, now I'm just scared. So I, I......realize that this comes at a very inopportune time. But I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you.” Though the sound coming in on your respective earphones was only at 75%, suddenly it felt louder the longer that Beomgyu didn't speak. “Choose me? Marry me. Let me make you happy.”

Beomgyu scratched the nape of his neck and smiled sheepishly, turning away for a second as you finally pause the movie and the light illuminates the side of his face a little too brightly.

“Oh God, please don’t tell me you’re gonna pull a Julia Roberts right now. You know—“

“What? No!"

“Then answer the question!”

"I just remembered, you know, how we always say that we won't date each other because we both have shitty taste in people and everything." He shrugged when he did explain himself, unconsciously sinking lower on the bed as he pressed his back harder on the bed frame behind you. "And I know it's a joke and all but I—I also think that you deserve better than someone like me...or Yeonjun, Soobin, Tae, and Hyuka.

“Though I guess it is hard to find someone better than us, especially me and Soobin, I think you should still look for someone who’s really kind, smart, and will never give you a hard time. You deserve someone who looks out for you and makes you feel like home but also like you’re flying.

“Someone who’s funny too but not too funny to upstage me! Just enough to get you through the dark times because you do get really stressed out these days. I—I don’t know, I guess I was just thinking about—about that, yeah…”

You relaxed your expression as he spoke, though a small pout remained. "Okay..." You pressed play on the laptop again with a laugh. "Random but okay.”

“I give my whole heart out to you in a speech and that’s all you have to say?”

“What else do you want me to say?” You scoffed and playfully nudged him away, earning you a dramatic wince from him. "With how you generally act around people I like, it's not that hard to figure out that it's because you think this way."

“Yeah but, I don’t know, maybe say it back to me too and comfort my lonely, lonely heart?” He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in response.

“I think that’s a you problem. We all tell you to just get yourself out there then you reject every person who throws themself at you.”

The boy feigned a glare next. “I’m going to kill you in your sleep later.”

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes, moving carefully on the bed to face him fully. “You deserve someone infinitely better than me too. Someone gorgeous—not just pretty!—and smart enough to keep your dumbass in check and just overall awesome, but not too awesome, of course! I’m literally the coolest person you’ll ever meet…ever!”

"Oh you flatter me, Y/N!" He exclaimed dramatically with his hands to his chest, smiling when you snorted and turned your attention back to the laptop again to press play on the movie.

Though he partly thinks otherwise—that it’s impossible that there’s someone out there infinitely better than you overall—he does agree that you are the coolest person in his life.

"You're so annoying." You mumbled under your breath and he quickly retaliated by pinching your cheek affectionately. "Ya!"

"You love me."

"I know right, how will I even find someone better than you?" You teased but Beomgyu's observant enough to understand that you only mean it halfway.

"Maybe you won't?" He teased back with a wink. "I know for sure no one's better than you."

"Shut up."

III. WE ARE EXTREME OPPOSITES (AND WE ANNOY EACH OTHER A LOT)

If you were to be asked about the things that annoy you about Beomgyu and vice versa, you both would probably need a month of preparation and a year each just to list everything you've come up with. Sure, you’ve known each other for a long enough time to be comfortable in each other’s presence but that doesn’t make everyday perfect as there are still instances when you get the undeniable urge to smack him in the head or dropkick him for being insufferable.

If you were to make a top five shortlist, however, the fact that Beomgyu has no concept of personal space when it comes to you would take the cake—pinching your cheeks, holding your hand whenever a remotely attractive person passes you by, always putting his legs on top of yours, hugging you to death, and always headlocking you when you meet up among others.

But beyond that, ever since he got comfortable with initiating skinship with you around the 3rd grade, he's also somehow managed to convince himself that he had the right to be all up in your personal business too even when you didn't want him to—from simple things like stealing your food, spamming you with messages the second you don't reply as quickly as he'd like, to always having insisting that he accompanies you whenever you mention going to a new place, online stalking anyone you find interesting, randomly popping up at the studio in the Fine Arts department, and loosely keeping tabs on people you hang out with.

There have been times, however, when Beomgyu’s nosiness has actually saved you from a date or unwanted attention in public and even comforted you. In elementary and high school, whenever you’re allowed to pick groupmates, he’s always ready with gossip about everyone’s work ethic for some reason. Whenever a creep at the mall or at a party would try to hit on you, he’s always by your side ready with a glare and all intent to report the creep to the authorities. And even when he’s a shit drunk, he’s always aware enough to defend you whenever your friends pick on you.

But more importantly, as the more reserved person between the two of you, Beomgyu’s always the one who’s forcing you to open up to at least one person when you’re down (aka him).

The first sleepover that the two of you ever had was in the 6th grade when Beomgyu invited himself over to your house and stayed up with you until 3 AM to finish a Science project your three other groupmates basically gave up on. You never asked him to do it, just complained about it over lunch once, then suddenly he was barging in your house with his own stationary and your Science teacher already notified of how your groupmates have been slacking the past two weeks.

“Why did you do that?” You pouted after turning in your finished paper online. Fortunately for the two of you that time, it was a Friday and sleeping in wasn’t going to be an issue, especially for 6th grader Beomgyu who had the tendency to sleep the whole day. “I could’ve just told Mrs. Kim on Monday myself.”

Beomgyu shrugged as he fluffed the pillows and arranged your plushies on the bed. He hasn’t had his sudden growth spurt at that time so fitting in your old bed frame was still fairly easy then. “Knowing you and how long your groupmates have been bailing on you, you’d probably chicken out if Yunjin or I don’t do it ourselves or push you to do it.”

“No—“

“You know I’m right.“

You glared at him then, standing up from your desk to punch his arm. “I hate you.”

But he only rolled his eyes. “Then next time, I’ll try to not meddle that much anymore. Just…when our classmates are taking advantage of your kindness like this again, report it immediately, okay?” He nagged, his voice soft while his expression was determined. “Even if you don’t tell me directly, I know you’ve been having a hard time with that even more this year for some reason and, knowing you, you’d rather suck it up because you think you’re bothering people when you bring it up when you’re not.”

“That’s not true.”

“Y/N.” He squinted his eyes and pursed his lips.

You scoffed, climbing in the bed and laying down on the side next to the wall. “Okay, maybe sometimes it’s true.”

“Y/N.” He repeated your name in the same tone, lying next to you with your teddy bear in his arms. "Ms. Fluffy doesn't think so and I kind of agree with her."

You rolled your eyes in response, Beomgyu catching the gesture before he could turn off your bedside lamp. “Fine, fine. I admit it, I wasn’t—I wasn’t planning to tell Mrs. Kim because I thought my groupmates would get mad and think of me as a nuisance.” You winced at the admission, lifting your blanket up to your nose.

But Beomgyu was quick to stop your hand, flicking your forehead after. “Stop doing that. You literally did half of your paper, even the parts you weren’t assigned to. You’re far from a nuisance.” He retorted, tucking Ms. Fluffy the teddy bear next to you. “And Mrs. Kim’s job is literally to make sure we’re not having a hard time learning, she’d understand.”

That time, and most times when Beomgyu would be the one nagging you, you felt like shrinking under his fierce gaze. “I don’t want to get into trouble with anyone in class—“

“I’d fight anyone off for you if that happens."

“But I can handle myself if ever!”

“Now, you’re just contradicting yourself.” He pointed out with a chuckle, settling down next to you. “Just...next time, okay? You should never suffer in silence by choice, you’re better than that.”

You had no choice but to nod in agreement and fulfill your promise that very next Monday, talking to Mrs. Kim yourself to elaborate on the incident further with Beomgyu holding your hand the entire time.

Most of the time, it's sweet and thoughtful that your best friend looks out for you out of genuine concern. You can’t admit it to his face, knowing he’ll tease you endlessly for it, but you like Beomgyu having his full attention on you most of the time and how he can literally rival your family as the person who knows you best.

But alas, there are still numerous instances when it's caused you more harm than good to disastrous levels.

At the top of your head, there was that incident in the summer before your sophomore year when Yeji first set you up on a blind date with Theo, a friend of a friend from the Vocal Performance department.

You even made sure that Beomgyu wouldn't get anywhere near your bowling date, threatening all of your mutual friends to keep the agenda a secret over message (and free food for Taehyun and Hueningkai) and scheduling the date on the same weekend Beomgyu was going to take an exam for one of his summer classes.

However, when Theo briefly left you alone in your lane to buy snacks, a familiar mop of brown hair, black hoodie, and a pair of thick-rimmed glasses suddenly whooshed in your peripheral vision, followed by two figures in hoodies you unmasked at the end of the night as Yeonjun and Soobin.

Another annoying thing that Beomgyu does is that when he’s “investigating” something—whether it’s a friend’s date or that time everyone thought Taehyun was secretly seeing someone—he always brings the same get-up of hoodie and thick-rimmed glasses along as "disguise." It's a stupid idea that first came to him when Yunjin went on her very first date in high school that he never bothered to change even when everyone started catching on, making it easier to spot him in your surroundings.

Though he didn't approach you until you approached him back in your dorms, it was still unnerving to spot him, Yeonjun, and Soobin playing five lanes away from you and your date. Their glances felt heavy on your back as the night went on.

"He was literally in two of your classes last semester. It's not like he's some stranger to you." You frowned at Beomgyu after letting Yeonjun and Soobin go with an earful of a speech of their own. Though you and Theo agreed that you clicked better as friends, you still lectured and nagged at your three friends in your dorm's communal kitchen with Beomgyu staying an hour longer than the other two. "How did you even get to the bowling alley? I thought you have an exam tonight?"

"My exam was only until 7 PM so I got Yeonjun to drive us to the bowling alley as soon as I got out. It was a celebratory thing for me too! That English final really kicked me in the ass, if you must know." Beomgyu answered with a pout, hands deep in his hoodie pockets and his glasses slipping on his nose. "And even if I do know Theo in passing, I don't know him that way. He’s more Yeji’s friend than mine. What if he was a shit dude when it comes to dates? What if he stood you up tonight or something?"

"You say that for all the people I like."

Beomgyu waved his hand dismissively in defense. "I only say that to the objectively trashy ones and the ones I don’t know enough about. Theo’s under the second category.”

"Still! You get what I mean!" You frowned as you smacked him on the back of his head, earning you a wince from him. "Gyu, once, just one date where you leave me alone. No disguises and no spam texts. Can you do that?"

There's a long pause that followed after with Beomgyu opening his mouth a couple of times only to close it back again, keeping you on edge for what felt like forever but was only for around five minutes.

He never told you what he was going to say at first or if he was even thinking of something else to say, you can just easily infer that it's different from what he actually ended up saying with the way his expression softened right before he finally spoke.

"Only if you tell me more about these things before you actually go on them. Even just the basic things are fine.” He frowned this time, crossing his arms. Even without you scanning every inch of his face, his expression easily gave away to the fact that he was thinking of saying something else but was trying his best to hold back. “I’m...I'm worried, okay? I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

"You know I can handle myself. We've been through this hundreds of times, I'm not that kid from the 4th grade who couldn't tell on my shit groupmates." You interjected, crossing your arms in front of the taller boy. "Anyway, if I ever need help, you're always the first one I'll call, you already know that."

He pouted down at you. "Sure?"

And you nodded with a laugh at his ridiculous expression, uncrossing your arms as you couldn't fight the amusement creeping up on you whenever Beomgyu tries to act cute anymore. "Positive."

So on the next two blind dates that Yeji set up for you that summer, you were pretty sure that Beomgyu only kept tabs on you through text as the hoodie and glasses were nowhere to be seen when you and your dates went out.

♡

On Beomgyu’s end, if he were to pick a top one habit of yours that he finds the most annoying it would be your tendency to hide your artworks from him until it’s finished when he’s always showing you his drafts.

Much like how you often try hiding your burdens, troubles, and blind dates from him, you often ban Beomgyu from seeing your drafts and sketches until the work itself is done which, as a fellow artist, makes him want to sneak up on you even more.

Especially when you think that you’ll be working on a particular project for a long time or if it’s in a medium you haven’t tried before, you’d often be blocking Beomgyu from seeing a peek of your plans out of a weird superstition that you might not finish anything if you hear a comment from him too early.

As your musician best friend who’s always showing you his own work even when it’s still disjointed lyrics and melodies in his head, Beomgyu sometimes thinks that you don’t trust him enough in something important as your own art. Without you knowing, it hurts him a bit sometimes because it’s as if he can’t be useful for you in that sense when you're always his most trusted critic when it comes to his music.

“It’s not like I can possibly make a bad comment.” Beomgyu insisted sometime during midterms as you talked over your senior thesis projects over dinner. It was almost 2 AM in your dorm’s communal kitchen, your mugs only half-filled with lukewarm chocolate when the boy asked if he could take a peek at your sketchbook after letting you hear some of his new music. “With you and your art? Impossible to make any bad comments I’m telling you!”

“Eh, but—“ Maybe it was the tiredness from having been up for 24 hours straight, trying to stay on top of your piling requirements, that unlike your usual response to Beomgyu’s pouting and puppy eyes, you decided to blurt out, “I just—I don’t know…I think too highly of your opinion.”

Beomgyu was effectively rendered frozen and speechless, missing the way you slouched your shoulders and hid your face behind your hair after your confession. “I—what?”

“Don’t make me repeat it.” You deadpanned, taking another sip of your chocolate next to him. At least with your shoulders touching, you couldn't see the way his expression unconsciously softened while listening to you. "It's already embarrassing enough as it is."

“But…but why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would you think highly of my opinion? It’s just me.” Beomgyu chuckled nervously, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment as he spoke. “Not like I’m a professional artist or whatever.”

“Do I really have to say it?”

Beomgyu nodded, pursing his lips. "I'm being serious right now." He pretended to squint his eyes and furrow his brows and you rolled your eyes in response.

With a sigh, you then answered. “It’s exactly because you’re you. You’re Choi Beomgyu, the annoying kid from the neighborhood who just decided one day that he’d join me at the plastic tables in the playground when he saw me drawing flowers on my mom's notepad. The one who bought me my first oil paint set for Christmas in the 7th grade because he said he noticed how much I enjoyed it in our Art class. The one who always adds more compliments to my work along with actually helpful feedback even when I ask for criticisms only because he’s too nice for his own good but he’s also very intuitive.

“You…annoying as it is, you’re kind of very important in my art and it makes me nervous sometimes to show you anything before it’s complete because I think it has to be perfect and totally not disappointing even when you first see it. I only want you to see good things from me...”

While the silence that followed felt like an hour for you, it felt like forever in Beomgyu's mind as his thoughts flew to the memories as you mentioned them.

Much like you, he can also vividly remember how exactly you befriended each other at the playground then, when he complimented your doodle of the daisy bushes by the swings because you drew them a little too well for a five-year-old with broken crayons and an unsharpened pencil. You even complained to him that you can render the flowers better if you just didn't forget your sharpener at home, leading to a whole conversation that you continued at the swings where he offered to push you for the rest of that afternoon.

He remembers that 7th grade Christmas when he picked your name for the class Secret Santa and didn't even have to read more on the wishlist below your name because he was already set on buying you an oil paint set and some brushes to go with it outside of the classroom. He knew you were saving up to buy it in the summer yourself but he also knew that it'd make you even happier to get it six months earlier so it was easy for him to take money from his own savings that were supposed to go on a new ukulele.

But more importantly, his mind lingers to a memory you didn't mention, to that day outside of the teacher's lounge when you were first filling in your college applications. While your other friends were talking animatedly about what they were planning to do after your high school graduation, you were unusually quiet next to Beomgyu as you filled out your application which quickly prompted him to ask if you were okay.

"What did you put in your program?" He had asked after, leaning his head on your shoulder only for you to cover the top half of your application with your hands. "Ya, I want to see!"

"No, it's embarrassing!" You protested, moving the form away from his peering eyes when his hand tries to reach for it. "You'll know later anyway if I pass Seoul University!"

"You mean 'when' you pass." He corrected, resting his chin on your shoulder this time before peering up at you. "And why are you embarrassed over your program? It's not the most embarrassing choice you've made in front of me."

"Ya!"

"So what is it?"

You leaned away from him and Beomgyu found it weirdly strange to be on eye-level with you while seated after he's suddenly grown almost a head taller than you over the summer. "I might...do a double degree on Painting and Sculpture."

"What's embarrassing about that? If anything, I'd be surprised if those two are nowhere near your top five options." He raised a brow almost instinctively. "Y/N, a double degree's impressive as hell!"

"It's just that..." You stumbled shyly over your words, scratching the nape of your neck. "I don't know, it's a shot in the dark. It's not like I'm that good like how you're great with your music."

"That's bullshit. You've always been talented and hardworking when it comes to your art. If anything, it's me who's always trying to catch up with you." He countered immediately, sitting up straight with a serious expression on his face. "And it's something you love and want to learn more of so why would it be embarrassing? Be confident and own your passions, Y/N."

"They might not actually see that if I don't do well in the exams and the portfolio I turn in. For all we know, I suck compared to other people."

"You literally just won a mural competition last summer." Beomgyu rolled his eyes. "Admissions would be dumb to reject you."

Looking back on that memory almost four years ago, the revelation of what you really think of him makes Beomgyu's head spin that he had to quickly snap himself back to reality when you downed the last of your chocolate and mumbled how opening up was a mistake to yourself.

"I'm going to bed." You announced, rubbing your eyes tiredly and clutching your mug to your chest.

Before you could leave the table, however, Beomgyu quickly grabs onto your arm. "Wait, wait, no!"

"I'm tired as shit. You can rub my emotional comments on my face tomorrow morning."

"It's not that." Beomgyu frowned, tugging on your arm for you to sit down again. When you hesitantly follow along with him, he then continued, "It's just...is that why you tried hiding your application form from me back then?"

"I mean, I wasn't as confident in myself then as I am now and I had my other doubts about taking the program itself but...yeah, I guess." You shrugged slowly, looking everywhere but him. "I also thought that if I take both Painting and Sculpture, I have to make you proud no matter what."

On any other day, he would've teased you for it but he knew you'd probably smack his head on the table in that moment. So, instead, he held back on a smile and nudged you gently on the shoulder. "You make me proud no matter what you do." He assured. "And, if you must know, I also think highly of your opinion on my music...I guess we just show it in different ways.

"And if you're not ready to show me some of your new projects yet, it's okay. I can wait for all of them because I know they'll all turn out great."

You then looked up at him with raised brows. "Even if I make you wait until graduation for some of them?"

"I might ask Ryujin or Soobin to take photos of your progress for me if I have to wait that long." He joked, making you chuckle. "You know, the usual."

"Sure you will." You scoffed before picking up his mug on the table and standing up again. "Dude, come on, we really have to go to bed."

IV. WE KEEP SECRETS FROM EACH OTHER

It's not to say, however, that there aren't any instances when your roles are unwittingly reversed. Beomgyu also closes himself off from you and everyone else from time to time and you naturally end up being the nosy one banging on his door and demanding for him to at least let you know that he's eating well.

It's often when Beomgyu's stressed—when there's too much work to be done, especially in his music, or when he suddenly finds himself in a problem that he unusually doesn't share with you at the first encounter.

In these moments, you usually start noticing a week before he could even lock himself in his room and isolate himself from all of your friends. Especially since university began when you'd mostly meet in the day at lunch with your friends, he'd stop pestering you to elaborate more on a story you'd tell half-heartedly but he'll still hold your hand under the tables in front of all of your friends, squeezing it more often than usual out of anxiety.

And his smile never reaches his eyes when he's stressed, the same way his laugh would be quieter, an easy giveaway that he's going through something he's decided to keep on his own.

So as someone who's noticed his patterns over the years, you let him be at first, squeezing his hand back and initiating all the jokes in the group for him to finish with the punchline so he doesn't linger too much in his own thoughts.

Then when Hueningkai or Soobin do message you that Beomgyu hasn't left his room except to go to only half of his classes, you're quick to come up to his dorm with takeout and whatever project you're working on, knowing that what he really needs best in these moments is company.

There's times when Beomgyu acts extra bratty and doesn't let you in his personal space for a couple of days, a week at most like the time he was so stressed about Toto getting sick back in your Freshman year. It takes a lot of time out of your week and money from your weekly allowance buying him food but you wait patiently by his door anyway, catching up on your studies on the hallway floor if you're at the dorms or outside his room back in your neighborhood and occasionally knocking on his door to ensure that he's still alive.

But when he does let you in, opening the door just wide enough for you to see his bloodshot tired eyes and a blanket over his head, you take the initiative to open the door wider and hug him before anything else.

You almost never initiate skinship as much as you never share things until they're prodded out of you by Beomgyu, he knows that well so that's exactly what you do when you first see him in this state. All the time.

You don't speak until he lets you go and you're allowed to occupy his space with him. Back in your old neighborhood, you would put your things on his desk next to his own and work quietly until he decides to open up to you on his own accord.

Since college started, however, things have been slightly different in that once you're in the room, you'd sit on his bed first and let him hug you until he's ready to talk. If his roommate, Hueningkai, would be there at the end of the day, you'd throw a shoe at the younger boy and ask him to come back after dinner with the promise that you'd play Mario Kart with him the next weekend.

When Beomgyu's stressed, he likes it better when it's just the two of you, your exact opposite since you'd rather have all of your close friends with you on a hangout when you're in a similar state of mind.

The most stressed Beomgyu has been in college was when he was finishing the first official album for TXT, the band he formed with Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun, and Hueningkai in the summer before your freshman year. It was in the second semester of your junior year, when both of you were also preparing for internship applications on top of academics and the clubs piling one on top of each other that you sort of saw this coming as soon as you felt stressed out yourself.

Beomgyu only let you in his dorm room on your fifth day of camping out, crying out his frustrations on your shoulders for almost two hours that you had to change into one of his shirts after and ask Hueningkai to bring up a whole pitcher of water for your best friend to drink over dinner.

"I—I...I just...I can't! I can't finish the songs! I'm going insane!" He exclaimed on your shoulder, his cries muffled against you but you don't mind as you continue rubbing his back in circles and reminding him to breathe. "And...and nothing's been going my way these days! Not in my classes, not in the radio show or on the soccer team! I'm just...I'm just so out of it, Y/N!"

You hummed comfortingly, carefully moving both him and yourself so you're both sitting up properly once more. You then pointed to his open laptop and computer screens on the desk across the room with a small smile, "I can see your progress from here, though. You've been doing well. You're trying and getting things done, that's what matters."

"It's not all that good..."

You shook your head almost immediately, handing him another pack of tissues you've brought with you before discarding the used ones in the nearby trash bin. "Yes, it is! I've heard the drafts before you locked yourself up in here, they're all great." You retorted, tilting your head when he buries his face in the crook of your neck once more. "I think I like Thursday's Child Has Far To Go and Maze in the Mirror the most. They're very you.

"And about your classes and clubs, just take your time with them. Soobin and I e-mailed some of your profs already, Jeongin and Tae are handling the radio show well, and I'm sure Sunwoo and the rest of the soccer team would understand your absence for now.

"For now, just do what you want to do. Rest if you want to rest. If you want to focus on the band, then that's fine too. Everything will align themselves in time, just please don't forget to take care of yourself."

"And if they don't? Align themselves in time, I mean?"

His breathing was ragged then from all of the crying and his eyes the reddest and puffiest you've ever seen them. You figured from then on that you really hate seeing Beomgyu cry in frustration the most.

"They will, I promise. They always do with you." You replied without thinking, hesitantly patting his head and gently wiping his tears with your thumbs. "And you know I'll stay with you here until you're satisfied with your progress. Or at least for a couple of days because I have tons of presentations next week."

He sniffled a bit, spraying his hands with alcohol and adjusting the blanket wrapped around him. "W-What are you going to work on in a bit?"

You scoffed, already expecting that he'd ask. "I brought a project for my Sculpture II class, if that's okay. I also brought newspapers so I don't make a mess on the floor." You answered anyway, chuckling when his eyes immediately lit up. "You've been bugging me about it so I thought I can show you the my progress just this once to cheer you up."

And as if a light switch was turned, the glossiness previously in his eyes suddenly looked like sparkles as he sat up straight. "I could smother your face in kisses right now."

"Wipe that snot off of your nose first." You pretended to cringe when he dramatically opened his arms wide and puckered his lips. At that moment, you immediately knew that he was feeling a bit better, at least. "Geez, sometimes, I think you just sulk sometimes to get me to come here and show you my works early."

"I'm not that evil!" He pouted, taking the weighted blanket off of his back and getting off the bed. "Though, now that you've suggested it..."

A pillow then quickly landed on his face. "Choi Beomgyu!"

So you spent three nights at Beomgyu and Hueningkai's dorm room, working on a bust of Yeonjun (it's a long story involving you losing a bet to him at your last group hangout) on the floor while Beomgyu finished the final edits to TXT's songs. You then go back to your own dorm room before breakfast to freshen up for your class then come back again after your classes, often around 4 PM.

And when Beomgyu finally caught up with his classes and extra-curriculars, he surprised you with an invitation to TXT's surprise album launch over a month later.

Another thing about Beomgyu is that he's strangely great with surprises, preparing elaborate plans for occasions like your birthday, the holidays, or when he's bounced back from a difficult situation right under your nose.

Initially, the boys only told you that they'd release the album after finals week and play it at the year-end school festival, the first time they would be performing a full set of original songs. Though you, Yeji, Ryujin, and Yunjin insisted that they should do a proper album launch, all five of the boys just kept saying excuses or shifting the topic to something else.

On your last official school day for that semester, however, you suddenly received a notification from TXT's social medias about a surprise album launch at a cafe you frequent with all of your friends and a personal message from Beomgyu telling you to come over 30 minutes before the show.

So in retaliation, you made sure to stop over at the nearest flower shop with the girls and surprise Beomgyu with at least a congratulatory bouquet of roses, the same size as the one he gave you all of those years ago.

Said bouquet almost getting ruined when Beomgyu hugged you the moment you entered the cafe.

"You came!" He exclaimed giddily on your neck, almost toppling you to the ground as his arms encircled your waist. "You came! You came! You came!"

You scoffed, taking a moment to regain your footing as you rested your cheek against your best friend and carefully held the bouquet behind his head. "Of course I'd come. I'm your number one fan."

"Sure you are." He feigned a sniffle before tilting his head away to press a kiss to your cheek. "But still, thank you for coming. This means a lot to me."

"I know."

"You helped finished this album."

"I doubt that. I just worked with you in silence for three days straight."

He shook his head fervently, pulling away from you fully by then and leading you to the makeshift stage across the room. "You helped me refocus and get back on my feet so I can finish everything. I think you helped big time." He retorted before picking up his guitar from its stand. "Anyway, I have another surprise!"

"I only got you one." You feigned a frown while shaking the bouquet in your hands, making him chuckle before occupying the empty high stool next to him. "I'll have to get back at you again after this."

"You're already doing so much for me coming here tonight. And you bought me really expensive flowers!" He assured, strumming the guitar a few times. When you then opened your mouth to retort, he quickly interjected, "Anyway, I wrote this song for you! I'm still thinking if I want us to perform this later but I really just want to play it for you right now before anything."

So in the middle of that cafe, while your friends ran around preparing the decorations and doing soundchecks, Beomgyu sang his song, "Nap of a Star," with his guitar on his lap and his phone with the lyrics on the music stand.

"I can see even without you in front of me. I feel you, even without saying anything. Because I believe in you, even if I'm anxious

"I can touch even without you in front of my eyes. I reach even if you go far away from me. Just by remembering you, my heart always dances like before

"I want to become your nap and dream together always as if nothing happened. The evening sunset and the darkened night sky, my heart is full of you."

He occasionally giggled and fumbled on the guitar a bit everytime he glanced over in your general direction but he finished the song with you nearly in tears, something you instinctively hid by smacking him in the arm once the guitar was out of the way.

"You jerk! You wrote that for me? Are you sure?" You exclaimed, rapidly blinking back tears. "And I only got you flowers today! God, you're making me look like a bad friend!"

He rolled his eyes, getting down from the high stool and standing in front of you. With your own chair's height, you were easily at eye-level with him as he smiled at you. "I already told you, just coming over to hear us is already enough. Don't worry about it." He assured. "Anyway, what did you think of the song?"

"It's beautiful, of course." You scoffed half-heartedly, making him chuckle. "Was that night walk in the lyrics about—?"

"That night walk at the art fair? Yeah." He grinned shyly, rubbing the nape of his neck.

Once, in the 9th grade, you had a big fight with Beomgyu over Areum, at that point his ex-girlfriend. What you both do remember the most about it is how it happened on the week before a planned trip to an art fair in the busier district of Seoul that you were really excited about.

Though you were pretty sure that you weren't on speaking terms with him that time, he still showed up at the bus stop on the day itself, prompting you to apologize to each other before heading to the art fair together.

"You were crying like shit in public that we had to move to a more secluded area because people were looking. Then, you almost choked me to death with your hug." You recalled in confusion. "Not like I was any better but..."

"I put it in because I really thought our friendship was over then." He explained with a pout. "Then the first words we told each other when you saw me at the bus stop were apologies and...ah, it's very cheesy but I just think back to that time whenever I miss you. I think it's one of those moments I remember when I think of our bond."

You smack him again, this time directly on his chest, but the tears also flow freely this time. "God, you're so...you're so poetic and annoying! And you're making me cry!"

"I take that as a win." He laughed deeply as he hugged you, one hand rubbing your back soothingly while the other cupped your face and wiped your tears gently.

"How can you even say those things without crying? We've been friends for almost 16 years, damn it, Gyu." You mumbled in his plaid shirt, hugging him back. "I-I really love the song…”

"Years of practice on how to say it properly, actually." He joked half-heartedly, rubbing your back even more and mumbling to a passing Soobin something about the last preparations for the album launch. "That's why I do all the talking for us."

V. I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH

Your thesis for your Painting degree, you realize right before the Winter break this senior year, is the perfect surprise to get back at Beomgyu. While you've briefly mentioned that you'll have to take an extra year to complete your Sculpture degree's senior thesis, you're focusing on your Painting degree in your 4th year and have miraculously kept it under wraps from everyone including your best friend because everything's been hidden in your laptop and at the studios.

At the same time, it sort of fits. Though overall, most of the studies, actual finished works, and research you've done so far for your thesis are focused on human relationships overall, traces of Beomgyu have been slipping in here and there, reminding you that it's quite hard to paint anything about your friends or your first love without him.

He's in the series of studies you did of all of your friend groups, in a watercolor rendition of the faces you remember from your old neighborhood's playground, and even in a charcoal rendition of your favorite romance book characters as your thesis advisor suggested that you try and explore.

And he's in even more finished works and abandoned sketches way before that, some you unconvered in your old binders while researching for your thesis.

It could just be the extra hustle and bustle of your senior year, with you and all of your friends busier than ever as you work on your final year. Not to mention, you still have to prepare balancing a job at the university museum with your fifth year classes next year and Beomgyu's been busy putting out new music with TXT and discussing a junior producer position at an entertainment company.

But it's been almost a whole month since you last went to a proper lunch (one that isn't jut coffee and convenience store ramen) with any of your friends which is a whole record for you and Beomgyu, in particular. You're probably just missing the guy a bit too much these days that even just getting his daily cheer up messages has been messing with your thoughts all over again.

(Not that it doesn't mess you up on any normal day. It's just a tad bit extra now that you haven't seen his face around in a while)

So when you brought up to your thesis advisor the idea of painting a portrait of Beomgyu, the studies of which you would gift him for Christmas then remake as a proper oil painting for your thesis after the Winter break, there wasn't much of a complaint on her part.

Hell, you might even suspect that Prof Kim, a mentor whom you've also had in past studio classes, has been secretly rooting for you this whole time after years of always seeing Beomgyu randomly pop up around the department building.

"And what kind of relationship will a portrait of Choi Beomgyu represent in your exhibit?" She asked on Monday with a teasing glint in her eyes, a copy of your project research in her hands.

Your face heated up in an instant as you fumbled over your words, something you quickly excuse as a reaction related to the snow outside. "I—well...I'll figure that out later which I know is a cop out answer academically but I'll connect it to something in my RRL later, I promise!"

Prof Kim chuckled, closing her binder. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Personally, I think you already have it in your RRL and project proposal, you just need to make a more explicit mention of your friend in the paper moving forward since he'll be a subject in one of your finished works."

You nodded sheepishly, quickly gathering your things and standing up to bow at your advisor. "I'll e-mail you my progress again next week before the break!"

"No, no, it's okay! Just e-mail me after the holidays, I won't deduct grades or anything!"

A few days later, you're on the floor of your dorm room with Ryujin and Yeji cramming their own choreographies for their respective senior theses in another corner of the room while you finished your second study of Beomgyu, using your most recent photos as a reference.

The small 12x16 canvas you were working on sat comfortably on an equally small easel on your work desk, another canvas of the same dimensions drying by the windowsill next to a pile of old photos at the same time. Since your thesis would only require photos of your studies, you figured that you can give all of them to Beomgyu then make an extra oil painting of the two of you, knowing that he'd probably shy away (after making egotistical jokes, of course) if it's all just him.

"So what would the final painting be?" Ryujin suddenly asked as Yeji pauses the music for a five-minute break, approaching you as she drinks a bottle of cold water. "They're all so different."

You glanced over your shoulder and frown. "That's the thing, I'm not really sure how I want to paint him in the final work."

"Why?" Yeji asked this time, sitting cross-legged on a nearby mat.

You shrugged in response. "I don't know. Honestly, I thought if I do some studies, I'd get a clearer idea but I'm already three paintings in and I still have no plan of action for the one that actually counts to a grade." You sighed, turning your attention back to your unfinished painting.

"At least you have the Christmas gift ready!" Ryujin half-heartedly joked, sitting on an empty chair next to you. On your peripheral vision, you also caught Yeji nodding with a hopeful smile. "You don't have to paint the final work until after the break, anyway."

"Yeah, but it's the one that's going to be displayed at the exhibit at the end of the year." You pointed out matter-of-factly, carefully finishing the last layer of your painting. "And it has to be perfect."

"Maybe you can work something out over the break? You're going home to your neighborhood with Beomgyu and spending more time with him, anyway." Yeji suggested next. "Maybe then you'll have a clearer idea, hm?"

And Yeji was definitely right, as she always is, when you do go home to your old neighborhood with Beomgyu after the last official school day of the semester and find yourself hanging out in his childhood bedroom on the days leading up to Christmas much like the old days.

The idea comes to you on the afternoon of Christmas Eve almost two weeks later, when you invited yourself at the Choi's once more to listen to TXT's new songs and catch up with Toto. You sat cross-legged on Beomgyu's bed with your own earphones connected to his laptop and a live-sketch of the boy in his favorite green plaid shirt and freshly cut and dyed black hair on your lap.

Glancing over at him and seeing the way his eyes sparkled as you listened to "Way Home," it was a rather quick revelation to you that the best way to paint your best friend is in his most comfortable state. Just like this: when it's just the two of you drawing and listening to music, basking in the comfort of each other's company.

So you looked back at him again as the song transitioned to "Blue Hour," trying to take in as much of his features in that moment as much as you can. The faint sunlight coming in through the fogged up windows, Beomgyu's messy hair and skewed reading glasses, his hand propped up on his desk as he rested his cheek on his palm, his brows furrowed slightly in concentration as he worked only to consciously soften them when he looks at you, the way he talked animatedly about certain parts of the song with a boyish but proud grin on his lips.

Before you can even listen to the third song, you were already placing your hand on his upper arm and asking him to stay still for a moment.

"Why?" He asked, blinking twice while his hands go to pausing the song on his laptop anyway.

"I'm trying to memorize your face in this light." You answered absentmindedly, turning to a fresh page on your sketchbook and looking at him for a minute longer before removing your hand from him. "Okay."

"Okay?" He chuckled nervously. "What was that for? Are you going to send the mafia to kill me or something?"

You rolled your eyes, folding your knees closer to your chest to hide your sketchbook as you start anew. "It's a secret."

He then tried peering over your shoulder, moving the chair he was sitting on closer to the bed. "Are you drawing me?"

"Maybe." You teased with a smirk before pulling the sketchbook closer to your chest when he tried peering again. "Play the next song, Gyu."

Painting him in another solo portrait then on one of the two of you after that was relatively quick and easy as you finished your final gifts on Christmas Day while Beomgyu and his family went to a reunion out of town. While the last painting study, the one you'll render to a bigger canvas after the break, is him looking back at you fondly on that Christmas Eve afternoon, the additional painting of the two of you was from a candid photo Taehyun took when Beomgu played you Nap of a Star.

So now, here you are, in your room this time with the portraits gift-wrapped on the foot of your bed while your best friend handed you a late Christmas gift of his own.

"I was going to make it on my computer at first since everyone was sending in pictures on chats but then Yeonjun said that it might end up looking like the slideshows you have at funerals even with my superior editing skills." Beomgyu explained with a nervous chuckle as you unwrapped the gift, finding a thick scrapbook of all of your memories and mementos growing up. "Since everything else of you that I have—the pictures, the craft store receipts, Lotte World tickets, and everything—are all in boxes at home and at the dorms, I just thought I'd print the pictures I got from our friends and instead of scanning the things I already have then make it into a physical scrapbook.

"You did always say that you want to make one someday but we never really had the time so I thought I'd start it for you and, surprisingly, there are too many things in my own space that are yours or remind me of you."

You browse through the abnormally thick book in surprise and amusement, not even knowing that Beomgyu's kept even the simplest scraps of paper related to you after all these years. From the pictures his mom took of the two of you for every first day of school until the 12th grade to the candid photos he's taken of you over the years on his phone (regardless of how unflattering they are—you make sure to smack him in the arm everytime you come across one as you continue browsing) to notes you'd leave on his locker whenever he missed school and all the Christmas tags you've put on your previous gifts, it's the most detailed history of the two of you from when you met up until the present, complete with small captions handwritten by the boy himself.

So much so that you even linger on some of the pages you never thought you'd see, including the sketch you drew that day on the playground, the first note he passed you in class in the 1st grade, and a copy of the front page of the Science paper you crammed with him in the 6th grade.

"How did you even get some of these?" You ask, pointing to a photo of the two of you from your first Christmas together you somehow forgot existed. It was in the 1st grade when the Chois had to cancel going to their annual family reunion because of Mr. Choi's work so your families ended up watching the neighborhood fireworks display together. "I don't even think I have a copy of this!"

"That's from my mom! Also took her a long time to find on her phone." Beomgyu grins before turning to another page just full of flattened flowers, mostly daisies and roses. "And these are from all the bouquets you've bought me for recitals, graduations, and our first album launch! I kept at least one of everything because I wanted to use them in a project someday but I wasn't really sure what until I got the idea to make you a scrapbook."

"How did you even decide to give me a scrapbook for Christmas? And going through all the trouble of asking everyone we know for extra pictures? I thought you were busy with the band and your thesis?" You ask next, turning to the last page and finding a bunch of old letters and old invitations, the one from your senior prom standing out. By this point, it was hard to keep the stray tears at bay as you sniffle, making Beomgyu laugh before passing you tissues.

You went with all of your friends back then but you only danced alone with Beomgyu, somehow deluding yourself into thinking that he would confess and reciprocate your feelings.

But he never did, holding himself back from saying anymore in front of your house and simply kissing your forehead at the end of the night, and that was probably the only time you cried over the boy for that reason.

Beomgyu scratches his head and smiles sheepishly before slowly gesturing over to your wrapped gift for him. "A-Ah, well...Ryujin may or may not have mentioned something about you slaving away the past few weeks for your gift."

Your jaw slacks. "Are you serious?"

Before you could protest even more, however, Beomgyu's quick to raise his hands up in defense and interject, "Well, to be fair, I got the original idea of a simple scrapbook with everything I have way before Ryujin approached me! Then she mentioned sometime ago how hard you were working on my Christmas present that I had to up the stakes and ask for more pictures and stuff from everyone else after.

"And it wasn't that time consuming, actually! Everyone was happy to share photos and even some stories about you which I wrote in some of the entries because I thought it was sweet. Just...I want you to feel absolutely loved with this gift.

"And I mean, isn't it also nice seeing us from other people's point of view?" He points out next, flipping back to the pages mainly dedicated to photos of you and your mutual friends mixed in with photos they took of you. "It's also kind of a gift from everyone else in that sense."

You wipe another set of stray tears, making Beomgyu pout and reach a hand up to help you.

"Are you okay—?"

"I love it so much." You sniffle, smacking his arm before hugging the scrapbook to your chest. "Thank you, Gyu."

He heaves a sigh of relief, clutching his chest with his free hand. "There are still some blank pages towards the end. I figured you can put your own stuff in it if since I know you keep some things in the box under the bed." He suggests, patting the bed as if to gesture to the boxes you keep under it. "Or if you want, we can just fill it with new stuff later."

"Will you help me add in my own things?"

He nods with a bright smile. "We can do it before dinner with your parents." He then reaches towards the opposite end of the bed and picks up his gift, shaking it in front of him and asking next, "Should I open my gift in the meantime?"

"Yes, please. I can't be the only one crying right now." You nod with a chuckle, moving the scrapbook to your bedside table and helping him remove the tapes all over his gift.

"Before you make your usual complaint that it's too much, it's also actually part of my senior thesis for my Painting degree. Remember how I mentioned last time that I decided to make two separate theses for my programs? So, these are studies for one of my final paintings." You explain as the paintings come into view, Beomgyu's eyes widening and his jaw slacking in an instant.

"Woah..." He breathes, laying the canvases next to each other gently. “This is...this is amazing!"

"And there's one of the two of us. Look." You point at the last painting with a small smile. "The reference is from a photo Taehyun sent to our chat after the album launch."

"A-And...and where are the other portraits from?" He asks in a lower voice after a moment, eyes sparkling when he looks up at you again.

You gulp down any feelings of wanting to melt on the spot, pointing to each painting as you answer, "The first portrait's from a photo I took at your last gig, the second one's from last summer when we went to Haeundae beach, and the third one's from just the other day when you were letting me listen to your new music."

He points to the last one shyly, his cheeks flushed pink as the two of you look over at the painting of him listening to music on his headphones with a small smile on his face. "This was in my room?"

You nod, equally shy now that he's asking the questions upfront. "I-I just figured...you looked so warm and cozy then and that's always how I remember you so...yeah. That's also the one I'll be painting in the final work that's going in my thesis."

"Really?" His eyes widen even more, to which you simply nod once more before briefly looking away from him.

"Yeah, because my thesis is mostly on human relationships and, really, the rationale in all of these paintings is that I wanted to portray you as how you are in my eyes which is—"

Before you could even finish your thought, however, Beomgyu's oversized hoodie engulfs you and his lips land on your cheek. Then he gives you another peck, this time on a spot just slightly higher on the same cheek.

Then another, and another, before moving to another cheek. "You're amazing. I love you so much." He whispers against your skin dangerously close to your lips, almost as if he was telling you a very important secret.

And you know he means it differently than the other times he casually says it to you when he doesn't laugh excitedly between his words or jokingly force you to say it back as he would often do.

Instead, he punctuates the declaration by cupping your face gently and repeating the words again. "I love you so much. I love you the most." He sighs, meeting your gaze desperately.

And it's probably the years of knowing him that he doesn't have to elaborate on it further for you to catch on. At the same time, you feel a weight lift itself off of your shoulders at this, one that you haven't even realized you've been carrying along with you this whole time, hugging the boy back tighter with your arms on his waist in response.

“Can I?” He asks next, stroking your cheek with his thumb as his eyes momentarily flickers down to your lips.

You nod with a soft hum almost instantly, tilting your face as he closes the gap between your lips.

Beomgyu kisses you like it's the most natural thing in the world for him to do, his lips feeling comforting on top of yours as he conveys every built up feeling and all the kinds of love he’s had for you in the past 16 years and receives the same back from you.

And all negative thoughts you’ve had, worries that your best friend will never look at you the same way you’ve always hoped for him to, are immediately thrown off the window and replaced by the assurance that Choi Beomgyu, the nuisance who’s been affectionately stuck to your hip since day one, is in love with you.

"I love you." He repeats, voice muffled towards the end as he gives you another fleeting kiss before rubbing your noses together. "You know what I mean, right?"

"I love you too." You reply on your own accord, panting slightly as you fill your lungs in with air and biting your lip as you feel your face heat up after. "I outlined it out at the bottom of our painting too with my signature, in case you didn't spot it."

"Ya, I did." He chuckles sheepishly, briefly moving to sit away to put your paintings on the side of the bed. Before the space he previously occupied in front of you grows cold, his arms are back around you once more as he tackles you down on the bed. "I'll hang all of them in my dorm when we get back."

"You can't nail things to the walls then graduate. That's not how it works." You laugh with a shake of your head, encircling your arms on his neck as he props himself on his elbows on top of you. When he laughs along, something in your heart stirs happily at how the two of you could go from intimate to casual so smoothly, assuring you that nothing much is going to change—just now with more-than-friendly kisses and the assurance that your best friend feels the same about you. "Anyway, they're all small enough to go on your desk at the dorms and at the studio."

"Then I'll put them on my work desk at the studio. Everyone has to know I have a really talented partner."

"Partner?" You scoff teasingly against the sudden rapid beating of your heart, playfully pushing him away. "I'm your significant other now?"

"Didn't I make it clear enough with the kisses and the hug? Not even with the fact that I've been sticking by you my entire life?" He feigns a pout as he easily rolls the two of you over with you comfortably on top of him now. "Should we make out instead?"

Your face heats up more at the comment, eyes widening when he does press a longer kiss on your lips and even manages to open your mouth while you’re distracted. "That's also not how it works, Gyu!" You manage to successfully push him away and roll your eyes, hiding your face in his chest in embarrassment.

"Then will you be my significant other? I'll take care of you like I always have, just with more kisses! Maybe some other things too like just five seconds ago." He dramatically asks with a smirk, teasingly prying your hands away from your face. "What? You wanted me to ask!"

"What happened to having shit taste in people and dating each other being an insult, then?” You tease one last time, making him groan. "Or not liking anyone I like, hm? You’re kind of contradicting yourself here.”

"We’re contradicting ourselves. I think I know enough Math to know that negatives cancel each other out." He retorts before leaning down for another kiss and resting his head on your chest after.

"But you suck at Math.”

"Do you want help with the scrapbook or not?"

VI. (epilogue) MAYBE WE WORK A LITTLE TOO WELL

A big bouquet of red roses and sunflowers is dropped in your arms by Beomgyu for the second time in your life, purposeful this time as he follows it with a an extra daisy tucked in your ear and a kiss.

"Congratulations on the exhibit, baby!" He greets you giddily after with a grin and a soft pat on your head. "I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked so hard!”

"Ew, ew, ew, not in front of us, please." Hueningkai complains, hiding behind Yeonjun and Taehyun as you lead your friends around your thesis exhibit. “I’m a child!”

You roll your eyes, draping your free arm around Beomgyu's waist anyway as Ryujin and Yeji wander off to the portraits you made of your family while the boys approach your studies on your high school and college friends.

"I have another surprise, by the way!" Your boyfriend speaks up again, taking out his phone and placing an earphone on your left ear. "I may or may not have gotten the idea from that time you were finishing up your thesis in the studio."

"I'm fucking scared." You joke, adjusting the earphone anyway while he wears the right bud on his right ear. "What is this?"

From what you can remember of those all-nighters two weeks ago, you brought your remaining works in his studio to work with him in the same space. While Beomgyu was winding down from having just finished his own thesis and recording the demo for a new song, you were trying to work quietly in your own corner, alternating between singing TXT's old songs to yourself or mumbling about how you were going to present the written part of your thesis to Prof Kim.

You also remember making out on the studio sofa while you’re on break but you’re pretty sure (well, you’re hoping your boyfriend's not insane like that) that it’s not anything remotely related to that in particular.

Beomgyu then takes your hand, leading you to where Yeji and Ryujin are. "Let's start here. I followed your gallery's pamphlet but modified it a bit towards the end so we'll end up in the painting you made of us."

And when you do stop in front of the painting series, that of your family over the years, Beomgyu's pre-recorded voice rings through your ears.

"Hello and welcome to "Why We Work,” a senior thesis by artist and my beautiful, beautiful partner, Y/N Y/L/N." Beomgyu proudly announces in the recording, making you laugh out loud in an instant. Faint in the background, you can distinctly hear Maze in the Mirror's instrumentals playing. "Y/N, baby, are you tuning in? Congratulations on finally finishing your Painting thesis! I made you an audio guide!”

You smack the real Beomgyu on his arm as you try and regain your composure. "Ya, you brat! What is this?”

He only giggles in response, making a shushing gesture dramatically. "Shh, just continue listening in. I made it for the whole gallery."

You roll your eyes but tune in anyway, responding well to the commentary as you walk with Beomgyu and even discussing some of the works yourself live and more in-depth.

“This was really sweet of you.”

“It is sweet of me, you’re welcome.” He teases, earning him another smack on the arm.

taglist: @wccycc @4beomy

[or0ch1maru]

Hey CJ! Sorry to hear that you're not having the best day :( I hope it gets better! Or the very least, please do take care of yourself and maybe treat yourself to something nice for all your hardwork!💖

I've got a fun lil F,M,K scenario for you😊Who would you F,M,K? Grimmjow, Kenpachi and Obito?

AND Obito, Hidan, Toji? ^-^

And I've got some random lil questions to ask!

- Do you bake? If so, what are your favorite things to make? If not, what are your favorite baked goods?

- if you could choose to be in any anime verse, which one would you choose and why?

- What's a favorite dish you like from your culture?

- if you had all the money in the world, what would be the first big purchase you would make?

- what is your favorite holiday? Mine is Halloween!

- a random fact about literally anything?

I heard that you're taking requests for some angst! Can I request some headcanons or drabble about kakuzu or Hidan comforting you when you're crying? Or how would the akatsuki be after they broke up with their partner? Or how would they try and get back with their s/o after a breakup? This request was inspired by the JJK post you reblogged ngl😅😅

I'm sorry that this ask became long😅😅 but I hope your day gets better!! Hang in there!!💗💗💗

hiiii bbys! Thanks to everyone who sent in kind words. I’m doing better! <3 so let’s get into it🫵🏻

•

I PHYSICALLY cannot answer those f,m,k. It pains me too much🤣 I love them all equally and there’s no way hahah

•

I hate cooking, I have horrendous anxiety being in the kitchen if I’m making something more complicated than ramen or pasta. But in regards too my favorite baked goods, definitely cream puffs! Or fruit tarts. My go to’s Everytime! Gonna buy myself a fruit tart for my birthday next month🥺

Bleach and Naruto. The aesthetic itself are just pleasing and they have so many complex characters, and the views are gorgeous lol. I could go on but it’d be too much

So, I’m part Jamaican on my mums side and part Panamanian on my fathers. I only recently reconnected with him so I have yet to try anything. Now, in regards to my favorite meal, nothing beats my mums homemade curry.

I have no idea lmfao. I’m not one to want a huge fancy house or all these fancy cars. I’d rather just pay off my bills and quit my job. Play it day by day tbh

HALLOWEEN! Every year I go to universal Orlando for HHN. I’m always back before Halloween and I dress up and do my makeup to do haunts in our yard lol. That and scary movies every day of the month and just ugh🫶🏻best holiday

For my random fact, I’ll tell you something about myself. I’m 4’10. And I love platform shoes. I own some boots and platform sandals. I hope to expand my collection!

•

I personally think every member of the akatsuki would distance themselves for starters but they’d creep back into your life slowly, but differently so let’s get intoooooo it!🫵🏻

18+, mentions of stalking,makeup sex, coercion ideations, possessive behavior and akatsuki member being mean to reader but apologizing, pervy tobi

Slight au, mentions of cellphones, phone calls, texts, etc

Hidan:

-totally gonna be the one to put as much distance between you and him. Especially when he knows he was the one to fuck things up

-but he somehow always knows where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing

-if he hears you’re hanging out with another guy, no matter how much time has passed since the split, just know you’ll receive some drunk texts from him. Maybe him even showing up to your place

-he’d be mean at first, talking about how nobody could treat you better than him, or fuck you better than him

-would somehow end up on top of you, showing you how much he missed you by stuffing your cunt

-if you ever want to see him cry, just know this is how. He’d be whispering such filth into your ear, burying his face in your neck to hide his tears and hopefully stifle the way his voice cracks when he admits he’s sorry and how he can’t go on without you

Kakuzu:

-he’d be the silent ex. Would only pay attention if someone brings you up in conversation, mentioning what you’re doing or how you’ve been

-Kakuzu would check in on you every once in a while. He’s a grumpy old man who’s soft spot was for you and you only

-if he realized or you told him you’re not doing okay. He be over to your place within the hour to comfort you.

-if it ends with you two back together, he’d be the happiest man alive. Yet he wouldn’t voice it. Ever

-would send you money to spoil yourself, he’d always tell you it’s not to win you back but deep down he hopes it would change your mind. Isn’t the type to beg for you to come back. He wants you to come back to him only if YOU want too

Konan:

-such a sweetheart, she’d give you anything you want. If you tell her you two can stay friends, she’d be the best friend a person could ever ask for

-if you tell her you want space, she’s more than happy to give you as much space as you need

-if you tell her to fuck off and never speak to her again, as painful as that would be for her. She’d do it. She just wants you to be happy, even if that means without her

-is always super kind and respectful if you two run into each other in the village but wouldn’t go seeking you out without reason

-just like Hidan, always knows what you’ve been up too. Not because she’s following your every move, but sticks close by in case something happens to you (she hears updates from your friends because they adored her. Thought she was the best gf you’ve ever had)

Pain:

-I believe he’s similar to Kakuzu. Pain would distance himself for his own sanity. Knowing you’re off being happy without him, kills him

-only speaks to you if you reach out to him first. Wouldn’t even ask how you’re doing if you didn’t say something to him beforehand

-misses you dearly, but knows space is the best option for the two of you

-wouldn’t hesitate to make your new bf ‘disappear’ when he hears you’re seeing someone new. Hoping that you’ll eventually come running back to him if your new partners keep ghosting you suddenly

Itachi:

-is super respectful, as much as he’s hurting inside, the break up would never turn sour

-no fighting, screaming, or hurtful words. Gives you a kind smile every time he runs into you in the village. A hug or a shoulder/head pat only if you’re comfortable

-would remain your friend afterwards. Being very respectful towards your new partners if you start seeing anyone. Doesn’t go out of his way to be rude or cruel to either of you

-doesn’t hesitate to give you a shoulder to cry on if you need someone to talk too. Even if you’re venting about your new man

-makes sure you always have everything you may need or want and that you can always rely on him if something goes wrong

Kisame:

-gets over the split relatively quick. Is content to stay your friend, but if you decide to distance yourself completely. He’s fine with that as well

-it would take him a long time to delete pics and videos of the two of you just because you were the best thing to come into his life.

-when the time comes that he decides to delete everything out of his phone, he’ll keep a picture or two just for comfort

-looking at it when he has a bad day or to remind him that there’s still good in the world.

-would be nice to your new partner when introduced but would knit pick everything about him. Knowing that no one will treat you like he did

Deidara:

-you were his first real relationship and would be devastated about it. Dei would give you all the space in the world after the break up but the second you reach out to him, he wouldn’t hesitate to slowly make his way back into your life

-he would ask to hang out with you on the days you were free,

-would make up random excuses or reasons for popping by your place even if he had no reason to be in the village in the first place

-would leave you clay gifts on your windowsill once in a while, especially since you loved his art so much

-would leave sweet notes as well. Something like “miss you” or “have a good day” etc

Sasori:

-I feel like he wouldn’t truly register it at the beginning.

-would kinda just shrug shit off. Wouldn’t pay much mind to you for a while, weeks, maybe a few months afterwards

-he’s not rude, or nice, he’s neutral about things. He’d reminisce about the times you shared but it wouldn’t make him sad or depressed

- if you reached out, calling or texting him, he’d reply. Out of respect mostly. Sasori would ask how you’re doing and would be glad to know you’re doing good

Tobi:

-he’d be devastated. Come on, like look at him

-would distance himself from his comrades outside of missions, he’d put on a brave front in front of them when it came to work but if he’s alone. He’s breaking

-once he’s gotten the crying out of his system he would not hesitate to keep tabs on your every move.

-he may or may not even cause something just so you have an excuse to come running to him. Knowing he’d be the one to fix things and make things right

-would be subtle about his obsession with you. Would run into you in town on more than one occasion, using the same old excuse of “didn’t think I’d run into you here”

-keeps all the nudes and videos you sent him, using those to make himself cum. Or better yet, the home movies you two made

-he knows it’s wrong, but that’s not going to stop him. Bites down on his bottom lip to keep himself quiet as he strokes his length, listening to the way you’d sound as you took him to the hilt

-totally wouldn’t sneak into your place while you’re out to steal a pair of your panties, or a shirt of yours just to have your scent.

Zetsu:

-is more like Sasori tbh. At the start that is. Especially black Zetsu

-I think at the beginning it wouldn’t affect him much and if it did, it’s mostly white Zetsu. He’d let out a few tears, asking where and why you’ve run off. Leaving him behind

-while black Zetsu’s mean about it. Talking about how you’re a no good person to just up and leave him(he may or may not be delusional)

-he’s stalking you. Full blown

-even if he’s off on his own missions, he’d track you down and watch you for a while before going off. Acting as if nothing happened.

-would not speak to you which as weird as it sounds I feel is on par with him. Would maybe send a single text back if you messaged him but apart from that it’s as if he’s vanished completely. To you that is, you don’t know that he’s been inside your house, touching your belongings or following at a distance as you go on a date with to your new bae

-only to find a text from an unknown number of you and your bf at the cafe in town. It’s his way of showing you, you can’t fully get rid of him

•

I hope you loved this. Now I want some requests of crying Hidan x reader, perv tobi and stalker zetsu. Didn’t realize how hot those are lol

[silveredsound]

How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

[lilnavelorange]

Intro: Hello there!

Name: Orange

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 24

Occupation: Full-time flirt (consensually, of course)

NSFW

I am a pansexual switch from Texas. I am also a cisgender Indian woman.

If I am spamming you, I am basically flirting with you tbh

If you are a minor, please do not interact with my page. I will not answer DMs to anyone below the age of 21.

If you are racist, homophobic, transphobic, islamaphobic, or are hateful towards any other marginalized group, you will be blocked. Also don’t try to fetishize me being Indian. I deal with enough outside of this and I would appreciate it if you didn’t sexualize my culture.

If you wanna DM me, you can. IF YOU ARE CREEPY I WILL BLOCK YOU. I am also NOT interested in being someone tickle slave, housewife, pet, or full-time submissive right now. If that changes, I will make an update. Respect me and treat me with kindness. If you just want to jump in and try to be my dom or sub without even getting to know me, you will get the boot.

Be gentle with me. I am already anxious enough so don’t scare me away.

Also, sad that I have to remind ppl of this but, CONSENT IS KEY. If you are not consensual and try forcing me into something without my approval, you will get blocked.

I do not feel comfortable sending pictures of me unless I already posted them. I am also not comfortable to meet in-person with anyone. I like my privacy, so be respect that.

My kinks:

Tickling, navel play, nipple play, voice, hands, overstimulation, body worship, praise, light bondage, blindfolds, light gagging, teasing, multiple orgasms, voyeurism, sensation play, temperature play, food play, checking how wet I am

What I am NOT into:

Penetration (including fingers and tongue), anal (also including fingers and tongue), choking, piss/scat/blood play, pain, edging/orgasm denial (I don’t like this one for myself, but I don’t mind doing it to others), crying, screaming, degradation, humiliation (especially public humiliation), CNC, r*peplay

Btw, I write tickle stories!

Here is the master list!

With that out of the way…I enjoy chatting with ppl so feel free to DM me.

Hobbies: Sewing, Baking, Reading

Movies I like: Wes Anderson films, The Menu, Matilda, Disney, Marvel

Shows I like: Mad Men, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Only Murders in the Building, WandaVision, The Good Place, Mister Rogers Neighborhood, UnBreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Conversation starters (in case you might be shy but wanna DM me)

What is your favorite Wes Anderson movie?

What is your favorite song?

What is the last book you read and would you recommend it?

If you had a sandwich named after you, what be in it?

What is your favorite color? (The answer will surprise you!)

What is your favorite thing to bake?

What food are you currently craving?

What type of music do you listen to?

What is your favorite flower?

You may simply ask me about The Darjeeling Limited.

I promise I am fun. Just get to know me and see.

[batsplat]

OOH do you have any old motogp forum recs?? I would love to see what fans were saying in like the early 2000s, but I have no idea where to look

lemme check my bookmarks... r1-forum I've gone through a fair bit, threads dating back to early 2004. motogpforum goes back to early 2005. motorsportsforum picks up late 2006-ish, that one I've gone through in its entirety for the early alien era. motorradonline24 is admittedly in german but has the BIG selling point that it goes all the way back to 2001. apriliaforum also goes pretty far back but it takes a little longer for discussion of actual racing to get going. there's definitely more I've checked out - I might make a proper list at some point, but just to start you off

the thing about these forums is that it's undoubtedly interesting and useful to get some context of fan opinions (good mix of actual nuance/worthwhile discussion and just slagging off a bunch of riders)... but if anything they're even more precious as a record of actual *news* that has otherwise been scrubbed from the internet. there's a lot of drama and controversies and anecdotes that only exist on these forums

which... tbh there's been quite a few that I haven't included in my posts just because I'm not entirely sure they quite pass the burden of proof requirements. but man, so many of them are so interesting. it's a tricky balance. just as an example - one particularly nasty thing casey allegedly said about jorge that IF TRUE does feel like it would add something to my understanding of casey. but the article only exists on forum pages... still, it made it to three different forums I can find and is written in the usual tone of the author, so I feel fairly confident the original article existed. but then again, the article itself is just an anecdotal conversation relayed by one bloke. on the other hand, this is a reputable enough commentator you wouldn't expect to COMPLETELY make it up - and funnily enough I have even found a photo of him talking to casey that specific weekend. on the other other hand, it's a colourful anecdote that might have been exaggerated for effect. then again, I can kinda see casey saying it - not least because casey confirmed in his autobiography years later that he was pissed off at jorge that specific weekend. but it does feel like the sort of thing that should have caused a controversy... like if jorge saw what casey allegedly said you'd expect there to be nuclear winter, and there's no further trace of it. hm

so what do you do with that kind of thing, share it or not? the further you go back with this stuff the worse it gets, where I keep finding - plus am being sent - increasingly wild quotes from early noughties motogp. at least most of those are from news sites, some of them of dubious quality, but generally you'd really like to find at least one other source backing up the quotes. which often you won't get!! so yeah, it's all interesting context and gossip, but as ever I'd advise being wary of the specific stories. even the funny ones. especially the funny one

anyway, all that being said. this ask was sent in relation to a post about laguna 2008, so I'm going to take this excuse to actually share some discussion of laguna 2008

so. taking u through the fan chat of the weekend from one specific forum with select commentary... here's the thread starter

reminder that dani was injured at the sachsenring and would eventually opt against racing (effectively ending his title bid, but michelin was useless anyway that weekend)

relatively good reason to believe in english-speaker (and in particular american) overperformance at the track. obviously hayden won there the first two years, edwards even beat valentino to second in 2005 which has got to be the only time that year he finished ahead of vale. often more familiar with the track, or it just suits their riding style better. and ofc vermeulen did bag a distant third. still. valentino in the trenches if people thing edwards will beat him icl

have to say. the idea of the 125/250 riders going down that corkscrew fills me with a visceral sense of horror

'marco' btw as in marco melandri, in the middle of his ducati season from hell

dovi super popular in 2008 fyi, darling of the posters. everyone was obsessed with his rookie season

plenty of solid foreshadowing happening here you have to say

it is very motogp rider behaviour, and also very valentino behaviour, to look at the corkscrew, go 'hm i don't think this is even safe to WALK down', and then fucking hurl yourself at the other guy into that very same corner as you're both travelling at horrifying speeds on a motorcycle. going tentatively through that bit of the track during practise and then in the race he's making his bike go bounce bounce like a trampoline

wow!

*stares at camera*

still nasty work to say this, he repeated it in several interviews I think

okay, no forum posts during the race itself so now we skip to the post-race discussion

which is what the tone from a lot of posters was like

narrator: casey had not calmed down

(if you watch the podium ceremony and see some of the photos without context, you WOULD think they're having a laff. it's just that they're having a laff while casey is telling valentino that he's lost respect for him and valentino is delighted)

two australians on the podium btw

jorge highside cameo

a lot of people were whinging about a lot of 800cc races being boring because a lot of them were. you can copy and paste much of what people are saying about racing these days, if you want to get an idea of the tone

casey fan writes in

again. cannot be stressed enough how casey very much had not calmed down. but that's the fun thing about that rivalry, like they will ALWAYS have a tonal mismatch between their face-to-face interactions and whatever out of pocket things are being said in the press. casey also really big on the pissed off smile which helps

'not even sure that the riders even touched at any point' is. pushing it

yeah the no handshake thing really didn't get a positive response (casey did ofc eventually shake valentino's hand on the podium)

is it really a clean battle if you think someone will fall off

don't want to say that it's a lost cause because casey DID get smarter about this stuff, but ducati certainly aren't doing shit

so much of laguna and its legacy is about both of them threatening each other lol, please allow him

again, podium chat categorically not a friendly conversation. otherwise qualified casey defence

likewise

thought this was interesting in terms of discussion of actual rules - valentino said a few years ago the move wouldn't be allowed anymore and he thinks that's a good thing

“It needs rules,” he said. .”Because the situation with the overtaking manoeuvers and everything is much more extreme now than it was in Laguna Seca in 2008. The routes have changed a lot, now there is no more grass next to the slope, but the green stripe.  “That was done for safety. Because if you catch the grass at that speed, you'll fly away. The asphalt, on the other hand, is less dangerous. In my opinion, however, you have to make a rule and say that you shouldn't touch the green at all - see it as if there were still grass there. “At the level we have reached today, which is extreme in many respects, everyone goes over the curbs and is all green if you don't have a clear rule. I think that's the right thing to do.”

but yeah tbh... I know casey disagrees but I feel like the move WAS probably fine by standards of back then

some more rules chat

and more

"will be hearing big footsteps every time he is in front"

and here we are then. not much that's groundbreaking, but I do find it interesting!! this is a pretty pro-casey audience... most of these forums were generally pretty positive about him. english language speakers were way more hostile towards dani and later jorge for various reasons - you'll also find at least some distaste for valentino in these spaces alongside the usual adulation. so that's the yardstick... this is probably close to as casey-friendly as discussion of the race got among the wider fanbase. it was always going to be a tough sell to air his grievances about this race until a few years had passed. the general reaction was that the racing had been hard but fine, an extremely welcome contrast to the general quality of racing at the time. and almost nobody thought casey should have reacted as he did in parc fermé. interesting contrast with jerez 2005 actually (though admittedly sete not particularly popular in most forums) - sete was low key seen as having a more legitimate grievance than casey. anyway, obviously this blog's stance is that sportsmanship is overrated, but that's how you end up getting the poor bloke apologising in brno

[dramatisperscnae]

@therebetterbepie gets a random starter because I can tbh

Ideally, Dick would be able to keep the viewpoint a secret from Dean until they were standing there. He'd actually toyed with the idea, asking Dean to wear a blindfold or something and guiding him all the way there. But at the same time, it wouldn't be difficult to pull a mild bait-and-switch on him. After all, Wayne Tower did have a public observation floor, given that it was still the tallest building in the city; the penthouse just happened to be a few floors above that, with a private rooftop patio and pool that made for an even better vantage point.

Plus there was nothing that said he couldn't do the driving. Dean loved his car - and with good reason - but Dick was quietly proud of his own vehicle, given he'd built the Nightbird himself from the ground up, and then of course there were any number of cars he could steal borrow from Bruce if he really wanted to. When he pulled up in front of Dean's cabin, though, it was in his own car, currently in muscle-car mode, her dark blue paint glimmering in the late afternoon sun. Leaning back in the driver's seat he fired off a text to the hunter.

[Text: Ash] You ready? [Text: Ash] Don't worry, I promise. No gargoyles. We'll be taking an elevator.

[pothosrays]

i think i asked before but i cant find it 😅, but i was wondering what youd recommend for someone to look into who's only just now starting to get into digital art? like if you could recomment certain programs or devices or just any advice? also your work is rlly rlly cool btw

start with a free program like medibang, firealpaca, or krita or if u have windows just fuck around in mspaint tbh. (don't let people lie to u about mspaint it can be used for really good artwork people r just weird about it for some reason) if u wanna use ur phone ibispaint is still pretty good. just watch the ad and u get free things for like. idk what. 18 hours? still good.

for things like tablets there's plenty of cheap small starter graphics tablets out there for like 50 USD or less, idk what your currency is. A huion display is what I use but I've heard good things about their regular pen tabs too. Do your own research there, but you really don't need a super fancy tablet tbh. Also don't let people lie to you, you can use a mouse to draw it's not impossible. it's difficult but like it's possible LOL. I don't recommend it long term though it can fuck up your wrist.

I use paid products but I don't recommend that for beginners anyways. just get something free and have fun with it, that's honestly like the most important thing. Just have fun, don't worry about perfection or making something look good at first. Just enjoy the process because that's the most important thing anyways. Experiment a bunch and fuck around, eventually you'll learn things as time goes on cause that's just how it be.

Don't worry about the overwhelming amounts of settings on art apps right now either, all you really need to know is layers, brushes/erasers, eyedropper tools, color wheels, and select/transform tools since they're the more important ones anyways. I would recommend simplifying your app layouts to those core things if Possible, but if not then just remember where they are and only pay attention to those for now.

I hope u have fun starting out :] it can be overwhelming at first but it's really enjoyable i prommy.

[oakthcrn]

respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better.

roleplayer name: Jackie

roleplayer pronouns: she/her

muse name: Larkspur Oakthorn ( @oakthcrn ) Eden MacTavish ( @dionadaiir ) Gwayne Hightower ( @kastaegros ) And a canon character multi ( @chthonicsouls )

preferred communication: Discord all the way babyyyyy.

experience: I started back when I was a teenager on msn / aim / gaiaonline / live journal and evolved to this. It was many moons ago.

preferred roleplay type: Longer threads for plotted stuff, and smaller threads for winging it.

pet peeves & dealbreakers: I like to think I'm pretty chill. I don't think I have a deal breaker per say other than like bigotry. I try to work any differences out. I do have a couple of pet peeves and I guess a deal breaker is that you get a mutual, you'll start talking and getting excited about a plot idea, you make a starter, and it never gets replied to. The person you plotted with stops responding to you. This is a sure way to getting softblocked / blocked, sad to say, I just don't want to pour my heart and soul into something and have it not go anywhere, and if communication stops, it snuffs out my desire to rp with you. Now of course I have some moots we purely wing it and don't speak much, that's kinda different, I don't know how to explain it, but I am talking about those who wants to be " friends " and mutuals, and when you try to be friends, they just don't respond or they take over a week to respond to you. Life yes, I know, but it takes two minutes to be like " Hey, let's talk later, life is hectic at the moment. " It spears a lot of hurt feelings, I think.

A pet peeve that could potentially get you softblocked is liking a starter that specifically says " hey multis, pick your muse. " bc I don't like picking people's muses for them, just throw me the one you feel most strongly about. I have it in my starters specifically, and if you don't pick your muse, im sorry but you're not getting a starter until you do, and i don't mind at all messaging you and asking, and even helping pick, but at the end of the day its your blog. If you like my plotting call, and I come to you, and don't have a general idea what you want, or at least putting input in an idea, this rubs me the wrong way. Why like my plotting call if you have no plots?

and I'm not talking about like vague ideas that we can throw out there and see what sticks, I am talking about the instances of me messaging you and you be like " i don't know..." or " I have no ideas. " That puts all the work on one party and that's not very fair. Its okay not to have an idea, but don't like my plotting calls until you got something, plot generators exist too.

plots or memes: Both are fine by me! A lot of great threads come from memes.

best time to write: I don't think I have a set preference, I suppose when the mood strikes me. I write way more on discord than tumblr tbh.

are you like your muse?: Not really, but I have been inspired by my own experiences and shape it to fit Lark.

tagged by: @everpoet ( thanks boo ) tagging: @starlsssankt @oflorien @mirkwvd @korolnichevoya @korzion @blackarrcw @leg0lais @legendaerium @loriensainted @celevrian @wornkindness @wulfmaed and you!

[shdwtouch]

me: I should post a starter call... me: -notices my starter call from before this class started- me: -nudges it under the rug-

ANYWAY. inbox call !! like this for 2-4 memes guaranteed, most likely from Shade. multis can specify if they like, otherwise I will just pick muse(s). <3 meme tag highly preferred !! if I cannot find memes on your blog... then I'm just gonna send you stuff from my meme tag tbh. no previous interaction required, mutuals only.

[courtesy notice that you do not have to read further. its just me talking. should ya read it ? I mean, if you want ? I'd appreciate it. ; w ; but tldr just like this post for memes, kay ? k ! see ya in your inbox ! ]

and, of course, it goes without saying but you are under no obligation to answer any or all of the memes I said ! if none of them vibe then delete them ! idc ! poke me to send you more, I will do it no questions asked ! this is a no judgement zone, muse and energy be fickle so pls pls pls know I am not gonna be upset if you don't answer the asks I send, ever, no matter the reason ! (tho on the off-chance I cross a boundary and make you uncomfy I do encourage you to let me know, as it was most likely unintentional. but I want to know if you feel off about our interactions, period !)

I will most likely reblog this a couple times before going in for the inbox spam. these will, obviously, be completed in waves... and if you so wish you can unlike then like this post again to receive even more asks after you've received the first wave !

also, this is me, Puffin, giving you, my friend, permission to come smack me if after a day or two you do not receive asks. this is mostly in context of my wifi is shit and tumblr eats everything so its very likely I sent you asks and they vanished into the abyss, but you might also be keeping me on track by reminding me, which I appreciate. so yeah. no asks ? feel free to knock my door down to get them.

[miikpal]

Heya, Milk! You got any advice for somebody who wants to start taking commissions but doesnt know where to start? I been drawing for a while (about 10 years), but I never tried selling my art before. It's kinda scary. I don't need a lot of money right now, so it's not urgent, ive just heard people say it's good experience. Is it worth trying at all rn? Sorry if you answered something like this before

no worries!! i dont think anyones asked me about this stuff before tbh... im in a similiar boat where i dont really do these out of necessity lol its definitely worth it!! if u thought about it even briefly its worth it to try

its been a hot minute since ive first started taking comms but i guess these would do for starters:

- your following might affect comm interest - i would only get very sporadic ones for the longest time unless i undersold (DO NOT DO THIS GET UR MONEYS WORTH) so dont get discouraged at first is what im saying. get ur pals to promo the announcement posts and put urself out there and eventually someone will get interested

- you can start small and lowkey. if u wanna just dip your toes in the commissions water before doing full blown pieces its absolutely ok to start with doodle or sketch comms. they tend to be cheaper and attract client bases that way anyway - so its a win win! low stakes and you can slowly figure out what works for you

- for the love of god make a TOS. having a document of things that are and arent allowed that u can point at whenever somebody tries to pull a fast one on you is a lifesaver. mines really thorough but i like to cover all the bases

- pretty much at every step where youd think 'going back to fix something after this part would be a pain in the ass' stop and send the progress to ur client and ask if anythings off or needs fixing before you keep going. better safe than sorry. in general be communicative and upfront about any info with ur commissioner - its a nice thing to do and will make both of ur lives easier!

- make sure ur comm post includes clear examples of the kind of art u can offer - this is gonna be the forefront that attracts ppls attention! they should know what theyll be getting

- set up a comm only email or a google form for taking in comms its. much easier to keep track of things this way. actual communication can go somewhere else but its good to have a single place just for the actual initial inquiries etc.

I RAN MY MOUTH LOL. if u have other specific questions feel free to ask for a follow up i suppose!! these are just the ones i wish i thought of when i first started. i hope ur commissions journey goes well, im rooting for ya !!!!!!!

[godstrayed]

before you interact please read the post! / mutuals only.

hello! it’s that time again i try to sell myself as a potential writing partner. i have written these in the past and been successful in occasionally finding roleplay partners who are interested in the same sorts of things as me. so i am looking for people who want to world build with me. i really like discussing plots, headcanons, and anything that can make me understand your muse better! i love sharing memes, drabbles, not roleplaying linearly and tossing around multiple threads! i don't need many people to write with but i really prefer to have a handful of people who i know well, am invested in their muses/feel super comfortable with my knowledge of their muses & pingpong my annoying ideas at them easily.

i tend to write lengthier things but i am okay with any length as long as it’s not one-liners! i also have zero interest in writing with someone who i will only have one thread with and never speak to again. 💀 i just rather focus on threads that will grow outside of just one single reaction! i like to think i am pretty easy to toss shit around with but i am a little shy so sometimes it takes a while for the ball to start rolling but once it is i am full-sending that shit.

so if you’re interested please GIVE THIS A LIKE and I WILL APPROACH YOU after i check out your muses/rules, if i haven't gotten around to it already! i am 100% gonna write the starter for whatever we come up with! i just ask if i take the time to write the starter that you reply to it at least once. failure to do so will result in me soft blocking since it happens so often and is super discouraging (and a waste of my time tbh). that might seem harsh but we could always write together when you do have the time or availability to reply.

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME: can call me nic! 29. cst. they/them. selective. slow replies due to work and other responsibilities. willing to make new muses for people if i really like an idea/plot! emphasis on slow activity! please keep in mind that i take a whole lot of time sometimes.

THINGS I REALLY LIKE: pacific rim, the 100, the walking dead, baldur's gate 3, queens gambit, any apocalyptic setting, harry potter series, alice in borderlands, video games, league of legends, any mcu movie, x-men series, fantasy shows/games, fairies, hunger game series, graceling & demon slayer.

TYPES OF AUS: any type of apocalypse setting, fantasy, crime aus, soulmates au, period/era verses, dystopian, slice of life, mythological, anything with werewolves, royal aus, vigilantes, & mutant aus.

VIBES: angst (tbh most of my blog is angst), fluff, horror, cliches, tropes welcome, & the occasional smut when it fits the mood.

CHARACTERIZATION: i exist in extremities. i like writing really bad villains with zero remorse or softer characters with a more righteous morality. i enjoy writing against almost everything. i am open to exploring most things and you can find out more extensively my habits through my rules.

open to any type of relationship: family/friendship/romantic/enemies. doesn’t have to be romantic. however, if it is – i always write with anyone so gender/fc/etc doesn’t every bother me. write who you want to!

be prepared to: communicate, toss around ideas, explore plots & dynamics, share your interests with me as well, & be adored / have your muse(s) adored by me & mine.

  links: muses & laws. memes. verses. wanted plots.