#you can also tell i didnt add the earrings until later. they REALLY pulled his design together though. completed the look if you will

[pankomako]

first drawings of rowdy btw (plus the VERY first design pass. you can tell i realized i didnt like it before i even finished it LOL)

[telehxhtrash]

hii,,,,,,,,,, i know that hunterpedia isnt canon to the storyline but killua and gon literally kissed on it like twice and some ppl INSIST its platonic. like yes,, there can be platonic kisses,, BUT. i do not think after all the work togashi has put into making killua’s feelings towards gon so subtle they would just;; add that in for no reason

Hi anon! I can’t thank you for this ask enough because I was looking for an excuse to make a post about it but couldn’t find one so THANK YOU!!

ok first of all quick parenthesis but i’ve seen so many people say that “even if they kissed it could be platonic” like. funny how that argument is only used for same-gender pairings and people never say a straight kiss is platonic. when you look at it with this mindset, everything can be platonic. kissing, hand holding, sex, marriage. that’s why context and subtext is important, and that’s why togashi is going out of his way to provide us with very emotional scenes (like killua comparing gon to light itself, him saying he wants to commit lovers’ suicide, gon saying that he’s really glad he met killua out of the blue while blushing, and many, many others) to back us up on the fact that if they kissed, it’d definitely be because they’re in love with each other.

OK now onto the real part of my post HAHA

I think it’s extremely telling that both the 1999 and 2011 anime adaptations emphasize on the gay content. 

1999 is........ extremely gay. Like there’s no other words. The “Ohayou” opening and the “Do You Feel Like I Feel” ending have romantic lyrics over visuals that are just. gay. Like. Just look at this. 

i can’t find a version with the RIGHT lyrics but "koibito datari tomodachi de itaikara” literally means “because i want to to be your lover and your friend”

and this ending is just. peak gay. the visuals are gay. and the lyrics are stuff like :

like man. they didnt have to go this hard. those songs were specifically written for hxh btw. like, they didn’t exist before. they were commissioned for the show. just so that’s clear.

Throw in the incredible amount of subtext and gay moments in the show itself, like this for example. 1999 version is drowning in gay subtext.

But why ? You don’t randomly decide to turn an anime gay ?? especially when at the time the anime came out, there was literally no subtext between either Leorio/Kurapika or Killua and Gon. Like, none. 

We talked about it with @/reeeyachi, and I really, really believe that Togashi told them where the story was headed. Like, he straight off the bat told them “these two pairings will be canon by the end of the manga”. Reeya explained that at some point, they had to ask Togashi for his opinion on the plot before animating, so Togashi was definitely involved in the show to some extent (and i also found canon confirmation that he was involved btw, picture below). They probably presented their general idea, and Togashi approved. Which leaves two options : either Togashi found it funny that they interpreted the story as having gay undertones when it has none and let them do whatever they wanted, or he specifically told them straight off the bat that his manga was going to be queer. The first option is highly unlikely to me, considering that in the end, canon material has even more gay subtext than 1999. It only leaves the latter option. That’s the only logical explanation for why 1999 went absolutely crazy with the gay content : Togashi must’ve told them.

And okay, let’s assume that 1999 was a fever dream. Let’s assume that it’s not an accurate representation of the spirit of HxH at all. 

We still got 2011 version, which focuses heavily on Killua and Gon’s relationship, and emphasizes the gay aspect of their relationship too. Not only did the 2011 emphasize the cute heartfelt moments between the both of them, they also added a few moments, like for example that scene on Greed Island where Killua looks at Gon with heart eyes and doesn’t say anything for like 3 seconds because he’s awestruck. (let’s not mention all the times when they made Killua look at Gon with a pure look of love on his face) 

Let’s also throw in Yuzu’s ending songs, especially Nagareboshi Kirari that’s just. A fucking love song. And this song was commissioned for HxH once again, the song uses male pronouns and Yuzu said that they wrote the song after their interpretation of their reading of the Chimera Ant Arc.

And like you said, the Hunterpedias !

I often hear dudebros say that “HxH 2011 was made by shippers and doesn’t represent canon material”. But isn’t it weird that the entire cast of HxH 2011 agreed on emphasizing the gay subtones of HxH ? Like, it’s not just one animator. It’s all the crew that worked on the anime adaptation. From the director to the animators. The majority had to agree to highlight this, it’s not just the decision of one person. 

And that brings me to my last point. I might be talking out of my ass, but I feel like it’s mostly general knowledge in Japan that HxH is queer work. I feel like it’s linked to the cultural subtext that we don’t have but that definitely echoes with the japanese audience and leads them to think that HxH is queer work. I’m mostly thinking about Killua’s story echoing Tanabata, the “Killua ja nakya dame nan da”, the “shinjuu” line, etc. All of these don’t ring the same way to our ears, because we don’t have the cultural upbringing or context. But it makes sense for the japanese audience to hear the word “shinjuu” and immediately realize that “oh, that’s a romantic word. Killua must love Gon”.

I feel like that explains why not one, but the TWO anime adaptations decided to go apeshit with the gay content. It’d explain why “the 2011 anime crew are shippers”, why Yuzu wrote a love song as an ending, why the Hunterpedias feature kisses. 

Either it’s mostly clear for Japanese people that HxH is queer and represents a love story, or Togashi directly told the anime adaptation crew. I personally think it’s a mix of both tbh : Togashi probably never intended to hide that his story was queer from either Shonen Jump or the 1999 crew and probably told them straight off the bat, and the subtext rings louder for Japanese speakers, which emphasizes it even more.

One thing’s certain. You don’t randomly make an anime gay for the sake of being gay. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve never heard of any other manga being randomly turned gay in the anime adaptation. 

And at the end of the day, the canon material features a LOT of gay subtones, so I think it truly emphasizes that at least, 1999 version HAD to know where the story was headed, and decided to overplay it because they knew that at the end of the manga they’d be canon. Because Togashi probably let them know.

(man i feel like im a delusional shipper typing this LMFAO - but like thats really my take on it. i definitely think SJ knows that hxh is queer, and i feel like togashi had to let 1999 crew know too. it’d make sense. u don’t pull gay content out of ur ass for the fun of it. especially since there was no gay content at the time, until later where togashi put a shitton of gay subtext -like, 1999 had to know in advance. ++ add all the cultural nuances like i said - itd make sense for japanese people to realize that yes, hxh features a gay love story. to me thats why both the entire crews of 1999 + 2011 are “shippers”) 

[unicyclehippo]

Beaujester. 89?

89. “You’re holding back.”

//

there’s no way—and no point—to lie to dairon, but damn if beau isn’t gonna try.

‘no i’m not.’ nailed it.

dairon cocks their head to the side, eyes narrowing in a manner that is horribly familiar, what with beau having had the stuffing beaten out of her a dozen dozen times over after getting that exact look from her mentor.

‘care to revise that statement?’

‘no.’

‘hmm.’

dairon moves in a blur of speed, and it’s all beau can do to keep up; dodging and weaving, slapping attacks to the side and using dairon’s height against her, ducking down and into her space to come up and—dairon’s hands settle on either side of beau’s neck, light, sweet, fingers barely grazing over the thundering pulse.

‘too slow,’ she tells beau, who has only a moment to get out a choked,

‘oh fuck,’

before dairon’s hands slip up a fraction to place her thumbs just so beneath beau’s jaw, and where the fleshy triangle of muscle bridges neck and collar. beau’s body seizes and, in the moment before dairon’s stun wears off, she wanders behind beau and simply taps at those points they both know will force the truth out of her.

the stun washes out of her and beau sags, spins to face dairon, fists raised. spots blink across her vision momentarily and her thoughts slide sideways. her attack goes wide—inexcusably so—and dairon looks furious. she plants a hand on beau’s chest and shoves, sending her falling to the floor.

‘stay. there,’ dairon commands. ‘you and i are going to have a little chat.’

super, just what i wanted, beau tries to say, and finds the words choked before they can get out, those points of ki flaring and juddering painfully when she tries to lie. ‘you know this shit messes with my sarcasm?’ beau does manage to say.

‘good. at least some earthly force manages to do so. i had begun to despair.’

dairon settles beside her, snags beau by the collar and slams her down—not painfully, just forcefully—when she tries to make a break for it.

‘come now, beauregard, is an honest discussion so dreadful to you?’

‘yes.’

dairon blinks, a sign of true shock from them. ‘mm.’ they nod, fold their arms over their chest.

beau waits. feels the concentrated ki grip her system, destabilise the focus, the steadiness of her own. ‘what are you doing?’

‘waiting.’

‘what for?’

‘for it to wear off,’ dairon says, as though that should be obvious. ‘if it is....so distressing to you, i will not ask you questions now.’

‘...really?’

‘i am your teacher, beauregard, not your master, not your imprisoner. i can be harsh. i try not to be cruel.’

something tightly knotted inside beau’s chest eases a little. ‘okay.’ eventually, the effect ends and beau cracks the stiffness out of her neck and jaw. ‘let’s get this over with.’

‘impatient.’

‘surprising?’

dairon’s lips quirk upwards. ‘no.’ they take a moment to consider beau, with the same intensity they use in a fight but instead of that lightning intuition for where beau’s body will be, where she’ll move, dairon is looking at her.

‘see something you like?’

dairon ignores that. as always. ‘i will say this as gently as possible,’ they say, voice deadpan. ‘you fought like shit today.’

‘ow?’ beau jokes, but dairon doesn’t smile or relent.

‘you telegraphed your movement far ahead of moving, you were distracted, you pulled your punches. i am disappointed.’

‘oh.’

it’s a strange sinking feeling, like falling out of the sky. beau hardly feels the hard-packed sand beneath her as she falls, pulse rushing in her ears, her entire body going hot. she wonders distantly if this is some new kind of technique of the cobalt soul—advanced soul destroying, or something—as she tries to remember how to breathe, how to settle herself. her eyelids flutter.

nicodranas, the wide open ocean. blue as far as the eye can see.

‘i do not say this to be cruel, beauregard,’

‘i dunno, you managed it pretty well.’

‘i say it because i am concerned. you are better than this—you nearly beat me in that fight in the city of beasts,’

‘i did best you,’ beau is quick to deny. ‘i just pulled my punches so you didnt lose your disguise.’

dairon blinks. stares blankly at beau for a moment. ‘anyway,’ they say, tone crisp and staggeringly full of disbelief, ‘there is something troubling you. what is it?’

it’s potent, the want to talk to dairon. beau is sure a little of it has to do with minor internal bleeding and also the crushing, awful sense of disappointing her mentor. but that could be purposeful, dairon has shown clearly so many times they’re good at reading people, at manipulating them, and beau hasn’t exactly proved hard to manipulate in the past if one knows the buttons to push. and dairon has slammed the shit out of a half dozen of them in the last minute so...

an old, half-forgotten tendril of spite holds beau’s tongue still. dairon doesn’t seem to notice or mind, just sits and waits for beau to answer.

the minutes stretch on.

‘would tea help?’

‘who are you, caduceus? no.’

dairon shrugs. ‘very well. are you silent because you do not wish to tell me, or because you cannot find the words?’

‘i dunno.’ dairon lifts a brow. ‘both, i guess.’

oddly enough, admitting that makes dairon smile. ‘you are never easy, are you?’

‘i mean, depends on the context,’ beau tells her, waggles her brows until dairon puts their face in the palm of their hand. elegantly, gracefully, but inarguably face in palm. ‘but ah, no.’ she thinks about her mother and father telling her as much, those few people she had tried to befriend. her own team mates reminding her of her harsher, less tolerated qualities. ‘no,’ she admits, quietly. ‘i’m not.’

a warm touch on beau’s wrapped hands makes her start, but it is just dairon laying their hand on hers. they seem to find it as awkward as beau does because they pull back a moment later.

‘what is bothering you, beauregard?’

‘everything?’

‘tell me one thing,’ dairon instructs. ‘we shall work from there.’

‘what for? this isn’t - this isn’t necessary,’ she tells dairon, scratching at her neck, her undercut. ‘i’ll just do better next time.’

‘unless there is a change, you will not. that is not an insult, that is a fact. one improves from mistakes by assessing, learning, and changing accordingly. so. we assess.’ dairon nods, as if saying, go ahead.

beau feels that tightness in her throat again, the overwhelming pressure that seems to trip something in her, tells her the moment she says anything she can’t get that shit back. it’ll be out there, it’ll be real to more than just herself.

‘beauregard,’ dairon says quietly, dark eyes seemingly reading deep into beau’s stiff shoulders, the way her fingers catch together and twist hard, almost punishingly. ‘trust me. to be able to hear what you tell me and not use it against you.’

is that what she’s scared of? fuck. maybe it is.

‘i’m scared.’ beau has to force the words out. can’t quite look at dairon as she does. ‘all the time.’

‘of what?’

‘not being fast enough. strong enough.’

‘no,’ dairon shakes her head. ‘that isn’t it.’

‘oh, so you know what’s in my head now?’

‘i know fear. what happens if you aren’t strong or fast enough, beauregard?’

images flash through beau’s mind. caleb, with a legion of men behind him, their heads aflame. fjord, pressing an orb into his chest, his eyes turning the same colour, his body contorting and cracking and lengthening, scales hardening across green skin. nott, drowning. cad, wasting away. jester, taken. jester, hurt. jester, dying. jester,

‘i need to protect them,’ she says. ‘all of them. and i—‘ her eyes are burning, all of a sudden. it takes a moment to realise she is crying and her breath catches in horror, hands flinging up to hide the evidence, wipe the tears away. ‘i can’t,’ she tells dairon.

‘no, you can’t.’ dairon sets their hand on beau’s again. this time, she doesn’t move away. ‘you got attached,’ they add, tone without reproach.

beau snorts, a gross wet snort. ‘yeah. fuck.’

‘you got very attached.’ beau shrugs a shoulder, doesn’t deny it. ‘your jester is strong, beauregard. your group is strong. you must find a way to trust in that, to not let your fears over take you. it is much easier said than done,’ dairon confesses. ‘but you, you are capable. beyond capable. i have faith,’ she says simply. ‘and another half day to train you. up on your feet.’

[motleyfuckingcruee]

I Think I'm Okay (Vince Neil x Reader)

Part 1

Summary:

You are hooked on hard drugs and you can't seem to escape them. You meet Vince at a party that your friend is throwing. He sees that you're struggling, and can kind of sympathize with you. He tries to help you in every way he can

Warnings:

Drugs, fluff, language, suicidal thoughts

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!! PLEASE SEND THEM IN!

THIS WILL ALSO BE A SHORT SERIES!!!

MOST OF MY ONE SHOTS ARE BASED OFF OF SONGS SO I WILL START LINKING THEM:

I Think I'm Okay

COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO BE ON A TAGLIST! OR GO TO MY BIO TO ADD YOURSELF TO ONE!

//

You do two lines of blow. You rub your nose afterwards, feeling the high hitting you. You feel like you can run a marathon. The music and the grinding, sweaty bodies are only background noise. The only thing you can hear is the frantic beating of your heart and every breath you take. You feel the couch dip beside you.

You almost expected it to be your best friend letting you know it's time to leave. Instead you find a gorgeous blonde man looking into your (E/C) eyes. Your eyes start to unfocus the longer you stare at him. You watch his mouth start moving, almost as if he's talking. Then his voice finally floats to meet your ears.

"Did you hear me?" He asks, laughing at you.

You shake your head. "Nahh, I didn't," You slur. You can't help but think about how beautiful he looks.

"I said, 'I'm Vince Neil and you're way too pretty to be sitting here all alone," He repeats, a smirk on his face.

You don't even blush at his words like you would if you were the tiniest bit sober. "I'm (Y/N) and you're way too sexy to be at this place," You respond. You aren't even sure if that made any sense.

"You're wasted aren't you?" Vince asks, his whole demeanor changing.

He went from "I'm going to try to fuck you" to "Do you need me to get you anything? Cuddles?" in the matter of two seconds.

"I might be a little," You answer, leaning into him without meaning too.

You've already shot up some blow not even an hour before. You're feeling pretty good right now. You highly doubt that you're going to remember Vince's name, or that this conversation even happened.

Vince starts talking again, but you don't hear him. You can only feel the vibrations coming from his body. You just realize that your laying on his chest. He's si comfty and warm. You just need to close your eyes for a few minutes. Yeah, just a few minutes is a all you need......

----

You wake up in an unfamiliar room and a pounding headache. You groan.

Where the hell am I? What the fuck happened?

The door opens, revealing a tall blonde man. You furrow your eyebrows. He looks familiar.

"Good, you're awake," He says, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed. You look at him with a confused expression on your face. "You don't remember me, do you?"

You smile, your face heats up from embarrassment. "You look familiar. I just can't remember your name."

"Glad to know you at least recognize me," Vince chuckles, looking down at his lap.

He really is gorgeous. You don't know what it is about him. He's just.....wow.

"Would you mind filling me in on what the fuck happened last night?" You ask, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. Your bare feet hit the cold hardwood floor. You don't remember taking your shoes off, but then again you don't remember anything from the night before.

"I started to talk to you, and then you passed out," Vince explains calmly.

"God, I didn't come onto you before I passed out, did I?" You ask. Your cheeks turn a deep shade of red.

Vince laughs. "You did say I was sexy." You bury your face in your hands. "But, to be fair, I called you pretty."

Your eyes widen. This gorgeous man called you pretty?

He' probably only saying that to make you feel better, That pesky little voice says.

"Y-You did?" You stutter, feeling even more embarrassed.

You get embarrassed a lot. The only time you don't blush every time a guy says a word to you is when you're drunk or high. . . .which is most of everyday now.

"Of course I did," Vince smiles. "I have to say, you're even more gorgeous now that I'm sober."

"You were high last night too?" You ask.

Vince shakes his head. "Nope. I was a bit buzzed from the whiskey, but that was it." He pauses, thinking over his next words. "You were high?"

You nod, feeling ashamed for some reason. What does it matter what this guy thinks of you? It doesn't, but it really matters to you for whatever reason. "I shot up some blow along with snorting it."

"You shoot up?" Vince asks, his face filled with worry.

"I don't need your sympathy or a lecture, alright? I know it's killing me, but I need it to be normal. I've been on it for so long," You explain, hoping you don't sound like a psychopath.

That's how you feel sometimes when you're off blow for even a few hours. You feel crazy. You feel like you're completely losing your mind, but no one seems to notice. It's not like you have many people that care for you anyways.

Vince sighs. "I just don't want you to ruin yourself, (Y/N)."

"Why are you acting like we've known each other for years? We haven't. We just met ladt night. A meeting I don't even remember!" You exclaim, throwing your hands up.

"I don't know what it is, but I care for you," Vince answers.

You know you're overreacting. You know you need to calm down. You take a few deep breaths, running your fingers through your hair. For some reason that always calms you.

"I'm sorrry," You nearly whisper. "You've taken me in and made sure I didnt end up dead somewhere because I was too fucked up to think straight. Thank you for that, by the way."

"It's no problem," He answers, grinning at you.

You sigh. "I guess I better get going."

"No!" Vince almost yells as you move to get up. You jump, staring at him. His face turns red as he realizes that he scared you. "Stay for breakfast. Please?"

You grin. You really like this guy. He's the sweetest man to be in your life since. . . .well he's the sweetest guy that's ever been in your life ever. "Alright."

Vince leads you down the stairs and into a grand kitchen. It's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and probably the most expensive.

Vince makes you both breakfast. He would constantly look up at you, then look down when you'd catch him looking. It was like you were in high school again. Like you're having your first crush.

As you and Vince ate, he told you about his band, Mötley Crüe. You've heard their stuff before and they're really good. Vince has a great voice. You didn't even know it was him until now.

You managed to keep Vince talking about himself for the entire time you both ate. You really didn't want to talk about yourself. You just know as soon as you tell him about your past he'll leave. That's what they all do.

You both finish up eating, and you decide it's time for you to go. You take a peek outside and immediately know where you're at. It'll be a thirty minute walk back to your shitty apartment.

Vince walks you to the door with a huge grin on his face.

"I'll see you around," You say, opening the door.

"Wait!" He says, and you turn to face him. "Do you want to go out with me later this week? I'll be free on Friday."

"Yeah, sure," You say without hesitating. You mentally slap yourself for sounding so desperate.

"Great!" He says, his eyes lighting up. He hands you a slip of paper. "Call me later."

You nod. "Bye Vince."

"Bye, (Y/N)."

You walk out onto the porch. You look down at the paper. A grin pulls at your lips. You start to walk home.

Halfway there, the craving comes back. The need to get some blow. You start to sweat and you feel your hands get clammy.

Funny. With Vince you didn't even think about blow. Or any of the other drugs you take on a daily basis.

Maybe Vince will be the person to save you.

Tags:

All fics: @the--blackdahlia @sugar-content @sharon6713 @siliwanoel @charlyallise

Vince: @moon-beame

[ultsracha]

Friends to Lovers w/ Eric (tbz)

Request: Anon -  Ok uuuh I’ve never requested before so idk how to word all this but could you maybe write some Eric (the boyz) catching feelings for his best friend and him trying to ask her out ?? And maybe like the other 00 liners making fun of him for being all soft :( I’m sorry I’m trash at explaining stuff <3 Have a wonderful day A/N: Thank you for requesting! im sorry that this isnt the best but i tried !  Warnings: mild angst & swearing

*He looks so teeny tiny in this gif ouchies my heart*

you and Eric had been friends for literally your whole lives 

all of your childhood memories had him in them 

running around the back yard? Eric was right behind you 

Learning how to ride a bike? This dude was the reason you had the courage to do it

So it was no surprise to everyone that all throughout school you stayed friends 

Joined at the hip every second you could be

In class you would sit together and help each other with the work

Of course you had your other friends, 11 of them who were all part of Eric’s band they called ‘The Boyz’ 

They accepted you into their group with open arms

Most nights after school were spent in the practice room with them 

Watching them dance and run around 

Eric always tried to get you involved but that’s a big, fat, nope 

But you literally had the best, best friend 

So, like every other day you’re sat at the lunch table waiting for Eric to get out of his class while you sat with Sunwoo and Hyunjoon 

“You coming stargazing with us tonight?” Sunwoo asks as he shoves a few grapes into his mouth

“Of course, I’ll bring some food if you guys want as well?” you replied

This wasn’t uncommon for you all, to go sit on Kevin’s roof with blankets and snacks and just look at the stars 

“Is Eric coming too?” You ask because let’s face it everything's more fun with him around 

“OoOOoooOOOOoooOOh ‘Is Eric coming too?’ oOOooOo” Hyunjoon teases, nudging your arm 

“Ah fuck off you know it’s not like that, we’ve been friends forever! I can’t go anywhere without him now” 

They both continued to tease and nudge you around until you saw Eric walking over 

As per the routine, you got up and met him halfway across the hall for a massive hug 

“Hey! What’s up? You’re bright red?” He asks after hugging you

“Ohhh nothing, just dumb and dumber trying to steal my last brain cell” you giggle as you both settle into your seats 

Eric draping his arm round your shoulders like he always does 

Sunwoo giving you a sly smirk like he a l w a y s does when you and Eric even look at each other

It wasn’t hard to understand why everyone gave you these looks

Most people assumed you were together

Even some of your family had suspicions because of how close you two were 

but you could only dream... 

This little crush you had started mid teens and had persisted ever since 

Now it was nearing the end of school and here you were, hopelessly in love 

Honestly it had just become a normal part of your life by now and that was okay, as long as you had him with you being your best friend. It was okay

“You’re coming to Kevins tonight yeah?” Eric mumbles into your ear 

Resisting the urge shiver you simply nod and turn away and continue to listen to the bickering of the boys 

After that the day goes on peacefully, Eric walks you to class and kisses your forehead before jogging to his own class 

The bus journey home you guys sit together and share earphones, taking it in turns to choose a song 

“I’ll see you later yeah?” You ask as you both get off the bus at your stop 

“Yeah I might be a bit late though, I’ve got some things to get done beforehand” he replies, throwing his bag over his shoulders 

“Alright, I’ll see you later then!” you start to wave goodbye and of course, as per usual he brings you in for a hug and to kiss your forehead 

and yet again your heart swells and you inwardly scream because why not your lips hm? 

Later that evening Sangyeon picks you up, with Sunwoo and Haknyeon already in the car

Sunwoo on the aux playing some random country music to annoy everyone 

It’s an amazing night to stargaze, you get to Kevins just at the end of sunset where the sky is mostly dark but a lilac hue still coats the edges of the sky

The stars already sparkling 

Kevins roof was your favourite place to be as he lived at the top of a hill, meaning the view of the city below could be seen 

As well as the roof itself having a large flat bit for everyone to cosy up together 

Most of the group are already there setting up blankets and pillows and the speaker

As expected Eric wasn’t there yet so you just dumped out all the snacks you gathered next to the speaker and went to speak to the host

“Did Eric tell you what he had to do tonight?” you ask, watching Kevin struggle to smooth out a massive blanket

“Yes but I’m not telling you, it’s a secret” he replies

“Why? What is it?” your heart starting to race

Did he have a girlfriend? Was he keeping her a secret? Was he bringing her tonight? 

Yes, that’s where your mind goes because, well every girl in the school would be lucky to have him 

“Y/N calm down he’s gone to get something for tonight, don’t worry he’s still your mans but not really your mans” he smirks, patting the top of your head and walking away

You just stand there blinking before realising what he even said, leading you to pursue him to where everyone was sat already 

“He’s not my ‘mans’ Kevin we all know he’s got every girl in the school whipped for him” you sigh, plopping yourself next to Jacob

who was munching on some chips 

“Y/N you’re kidding right?” Sunwoo smirks while Hyunjoon giggles lightly and nods 

“No I’m not, I’m honestly surprised he hasn't got a girlfriend already...” you mumble 

The sad truth being explained to your friends hurt but it wasn’t hard to see, he wasn’t in love with you 

“He has THE biggest crush on you Y/N how do you not see it?” 

You look up from your lap to see everyone nodding in agreement 

Who knew your friends would play such a prank on you

“This isn’t funny guys, you’re just teasing and it’s painful so please can we just change the subject?” 

lets be real it would always hurt knowing how everyone could see how in love you were but how obviously he wasn't 

“Seriously, everyday we see him he talks about how cute you look or how smart you are and how he can’t wait to show you this dance because he wants to impress you” Hyunjoon giggles while Changmin over dramatically nods 

“and how you smell nice all the time” Sunwoo adds rolling his eyes

“they boy’s whipped for you” Hyunjoon continues 

“It’s almost annoying how literally no one exists when you’re around because he’s so focused on you” 

Your heart has literally stopped 

Because ??? Eric???? liking you???? 

“Right let’s quit the teasing because we weren’t even meant to tell her so now you’re gonna have to explain to him about this” Sangyeon scolds the younger ones 

You just lay back into the pillows still not computing 

They have to be lying? He’s never shown any interest in you? 

You hear them still laughing about how your face looks when you’re shocked 

Jacob leans over to whisper “just ignore them, they’re rooting for you” 

You’re just lying on the roof, looking up to the sky with butterflies bursting your stomach and your heart beating like crazy in your chest when you hear Kevins bedroom window open 

“Hey guys, sorry I was late” Eric bursts through the window “I was just getting a few things” 

Everyone greets him but you stay silent, looking up at the sky because you were just TOO nervous to say anything

“You okay?” He asks you, laying down next to you and propping his head on his arm

“Yeah! Just looking at the stars” your voice betraying your panic

He just nods and rolls over to lie on his back next to you 

The night goes on as normal, everyone chatting, listening to music and enjoying the view 

You hop in the conversation every once in a while but the others seem to understand why you’re being more quiet 

Eric hardly speaks to you but never leaves your side, just lying next to you also in his in thoughts 

“What’s up?” You whisper to him after a while

“Just thinking about stuff” He whispers back shifting to lay on his side to look at you 

You look into his eyes and he looks,,, nervous?

“What you thinking about?” you ask, shifting to mirror his position 

“It’s nothing don’t worry Y/N” He replies shaking his head

“You know you can tell me anything Eric we’re best friends...” 

At this he sighs even more and stands up 

“What? What did I do?” You also stand 

He’s already climbing back through Kevins window 

Naturally you follow, heart beating out of your chest at the thought of Eric being upset with you

“Seriously whats wrong? Why can’t you tell me?” You follow him into the room

“Because if I tell you we can’t be friends and it’ll all go wrong so it’s better if I don’t say anything” 

“Why? We’re best friends we’ve always told each other everything whats changed?” 

“Will you please stop saying that?” He almost shouts and spins around to face you

You’ve never seen him this upset before 

Sunwoo and Hyunjoon were wrong, he doesn't love you he doesn't even want to be friends anymore

“Y-y-y-you don’t want to be friends with me anymore?” You splutter out,  tears already brimming in your eyes 

They were so wrong and they couldn't have said what they did at a worse time, giving you that small bubble of hope in your chest for it to be crushed an hour later 

“It’s not that I just....” he trails off, wringing his hands nervously 

“Then what Eric?” You burst into tears, heart almost breaking in that moment 

“Y/N I love you. Fuck. I’m sick of hiding it and being teased all the time for not having the courage to tell you. I fucking love you” 

The tears didn't stop when you rushed over and wrapped your arms around his neck 

Standing on your tiptoes to hug him you felt his arms wrap around your waist 

You both just stood there holding each other

His erratic breathing indicating he’s crying too

“I love you too Eric, so much, for so long” 

You just stayed put in his arms, him stroking the back of your head

“I didn’t believe them when they told me...” you giggle while pulling away to look at him

His eyes just go so wide 

“They did what?” He yelped

“Oh they told me all about how you talk about me all the time and how whipped you are” you giggle even more

The look on his face just makes you laugh harder 

“I’m going to kill them” he growls and charges back through the window

You just smile and follow him onto the roof where everyone was just laughing and nudging Eric around

“So he’s finally confessed!” Jacobs asks you grinning from ear to ear

“It’s about time, now we don’t have to spend every dance practice brainstorming ways to get him to do it” Sunwoo laughs, earning a slap from Eric

Once the teasing died down Eric joined your side leaning against the wall by Kevins window

“So does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?” He asks 

And despite the dark you can tell his cheeks are dusted pink

“Of course I will, but what did you need to go get earlier than meant you were late?” 

“Oh,” he wriggled to grab a small packet from his pocket “I was going to confess to you tonight and I bought you this” 

Handing you the packet you open it to find a dainty necklace 

Silver with a small heart pendant on it 

“Eric this is so cute but you didn’t have to buy me something to confess to me” you blush, heart feeling so full it could burst 

“I know but I thought it would help” his smile is so bright and warm

He helps you put on the necklace and the night ends with you falling asleep cuddled into his arms admiring the view 

[breaktheworldforyou]

Notes of Import

Before Kima could protest, Allura had snatched the rest of her notes from her hands and hurried back to her desk, tossing papers and a few spare quills into her bag.

“Wait, no! Allie!”

“We have to hurry, Kima, this is important!”

“But Allie-“

“No time! Come on!”

Before Kima could get another word out, Allura had grabbed her hand, and the world flashed blue around them. When the bright light subsided, Kima found herself standing in front of the council chambers.

“Gods damn it!”  

Kima startled awake. Frustration made it high pitched and strengthened the light accent, but the voice was unmistakably Allura’s.

The curse was worrying, though.

Kima rose and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. The slanted morning light streamed through one of the tall windows, framing the figure of Allura, hunched over her desk. There papers strewn across the surface and a quill in her hand.

“Everything okay?” Kima asked with a yawn. She snatched one of Allura’s soft shirts from the dresser next to the bed and pulled it over her head before padding over to join Allura.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Allura assured her. She ran a hand through her hair with a sigh. “It’s just… so much happened in that meeting yesterday, and I’m supposed to report to the council later and I know the Marquesian general said something relevant to the trade routes but I was so distracted by Asum’s report that I-“

“Hey, calm down,” Kima said. She shifted some of the clutter on Allura’s desk aside and jumped up so she was seated on the edge, looking into Allura’s face. There was a crease in her brow, and bags under her eyes, and Kima wanted nothing more than to smooth them away and let the woman rest. But Kima knew Allura would refuse any such plan until the report was finished. “No one expects you to remember every single detail, Allie. It’s okay to ask for help sometimes. Besides, I was there too, you know.”

Allura’s expression turned dubious, one eyebrow arched. “And you were paying enough attention to remember what the general said?”

Kima crossed her arms and huffed, swinging her legs impetuously. “Hey! I can pay attention. Besides, you asked me to take notes.”

“To give you something to do, not because I actually thought you-“

But Kima had already jumped to her feet and was halfway across the room before Allura could finish her sentence. The damn woman took far too much on her own shoulders, she always had. And while Kima had suspected that Allura was just trying to keep her still, she also knew Allura wouldn’t waste her time with something frivolous. It wasn’t in her nature. So yes, Kima had taken notes. Maybe not the best notes. She may have drifted off for a while, but Allura was stressed, and Kima didn’t think it necessary to mention that. She was pretty sure she had been awake for the general’s report, at any rate.

She dug through her little bag, where it rested on the nightstand. There! Paper. A little crumpled, but at least it was intact.

Spreading the papers out on the bed in front of her, Kima started scanning, trying to find the relevant section. The pages had gotten jumbled in transit.

“Ah, here!” she cried at last, finding the page she was looking for. “The general said that in his experience, sky ships traveling over the desert typically-“

A hand pressed against Kima’s shoulder, making her jump. She had been so focused she hadn’t heard Allura approach.

“Hey! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

Allura chuckled behind her. She leaned over Kima’s shoulder, trying to read the notes spread out on the bed, but before she could Kima hurriedly scooped them up.

“I mean it’s not like my handwriting is all that great or anything, they’re not exactly a thrilling read,” she rambled, struggling to gather the pages.

“Okay,” Allura said, amused. Kima clambered onto the bed, notes firmly in hand, and started to shuffle through them to find the page she had just been reading from.

“Kima?’ Allura’s voice sounded. Kima glanced up. “You missed a page.”

Before Kima could reclaim the paper, however, Allura froze, eyes on the text.

“Kima,” she said, thinly veiled excitement filling her voice, “did the general really say this? About the caravans?”

She handed the page over and Kima looked at the line in question. She shrugged. “I mean I don’t exactly sit around making up boring negotiation talk in my spare time. If I wrote it down he probably said it.” She eyed the page again, trying to think back through the endless slog of discussion and debate. “Oh yeah, I remember that. He seemed a little shifty, so I jotted it down.”

A huge grin had crossed Allura’s face and Kima could tell that if she were any less dignified she would have been jumping up and down. “Kima, that directly contradicts what he told us later. We have to take this in front of the council!”

Before Kima could protest, Allura had snatched the rest of her notes from her hands and hurried back to her desk, tossing papers and a few spare quills into her bag.

“Wait, no! Allie!”

“We have to hurry, Kima, this is important!”

“But Allie-“

“No time! Come on!”

Before Kima could get another word out, Allura had grabbed her hand, and the world flashed blue around them. When the bright light subsided, Kima found herself standing in front of the council chambers.

***

“Thank you for bringing this to our attention, Allura.” Asum said.

The entire council was gathered around a table in one of the meeting rooms. Kima sat in the corner, face flaming red and buried in her hands.

Across from her, Tofor started giggling.

Asum sighed. “Tofor. Do you have something constructive to add?”

Tofor giggled again, one hand across her mouth to try and stifle her laughter. “No, I’m sorry. I just- I didn’t expect Kima to be a doodler!” Several other council members broke as well, struggling to contain their laughter.

Kima groaned.

“No, no!” Tofor assured her. “Don’t get me wrong, Kima, this is an excellent rendition of a chicken eating the general.”

Allura sighed.

“Look at this one! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dog in trousers before,” someone else added.

There was a shuffling of papers as the drawings were passed around and compared.

“Wait,” Tofor said, reaching for the stack. “Does this- it does! Look! ‘A + K Vysoren’ surrounded by little hearts!”

A chorus of “awwwws” sounded from around the table. “Okay, that’s enough!” Allura said, snatching the paper out of Tofor’s hand. “As much as I would love to stand around appreciating my wife’s art, we should really focus on- oh. Is that me? Kima, darling, that’s very sweet of you.”

If it were possible Kima was certain her face would have flushed a few shades redder. As it was she could feel the blush crawling up into her hairline. “I’m out,” she announced, standing.

“No, wait, Kima!” Tofor said. She sounded genuinely apologetic. “I’m sorry. We’ll stop now, I promise.”

Kima glared at her. Before she could say anything else, Allura took her hand gently and guided her to a corner where they could talk a little more privately. She gathered her skirts and knelt carefully in front of Kima - something she virtually never did in public. In front of Sirrus and Dohla and Ghenn, yes. But rarely anyone else. She was, Kima realized with a start, equalizing the playing field, in a sense. Being vulnerable in front of the others like this. She tucked a strand of Kima’s hair behind her ear, cutting her reflections short. “I’m sorry, love. I should have checked with you before handing over your notes like that.”

“It’s okay,” Kima said with a sigh. “I know it was important. I just can’t show my face again for a bit.”

Allura laughed and kissed her forehead. “That’s not true. I think they were impressed by your drawings, if anything. I might keep the ones you did of me.”

Kima ducked her head to hide her smile. “Whatever. They’re just stupid doodles. I hope you find what you need, though.”

Allura smiled and pulled her into a hug. “I think we have. Thanks for saving the day again.”

Kima glanced around, eyeing the rest of the council suspiciously. To their credit they appeared to be trying to give them space, gathered around one of the pages and either locked in heated debate regarding the contents, or animated discussion of another of Kima’s drawings. Kima fervently hoped it was the former.

Taking her chance, she pressed a quick kiss to Allura’s cheek before turning on her heel and running out the door. “See you at home!” she called over one shoulder. Allura’s quiet chuckle followed her as she hurried down the hall.

[renee-writer]

From a Knight to a Laird Chapter 10 A Druid

Claire Jamie Raymond Tianna

Claire

It is time to set up the tree and, I watch as Jamie opens the box it comes in. He touches it and frowns.

"It feels strange."

"But, it will be beautiful." Merlin assures him. He shows him and, the rest of us how to place the legs on the bottom to hold it up. He places it where Merlin and Raymond indicates.

"It doesn't look like a tree." Jamie comments.

"Well, it must be fluffed out." Merlin explains. He shows us how to pull the limbs out and pull and shape them. We all work on it until it does resemble a fir tree.

"Now, for the lights." Raymond says. He shows us how to string them around. I recall from before but, Jamie, Paul, and Tianna have no idea. We soon have the lights placed. We then carefully hang the fragile glass bulbs after also stringing tinsel. Merlin plugs it in and we all sigh at the beauty of it.

Jamie

It still seems a queer thing, a tree in the house. But, I canna deny the beauty of it. I stand back and exam it.

"Wait until you see it at dark, when it will be the only light in the room." Claire says coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around me. I cover her hands and we just watch the tree for a moment.

"Jamie, I am going to have a private talk with Tianna. We will just be down the street."

"What! Alone!" I spin around and face her.

"Yes. We will be safe. Will be no more then just five minutes away. I promise."

"They will be safe there Jamie. It will be okay." Raymond adds. I hadn't heard him enter. "I know exactly where they will be. And, remember, this is a safer time."

I bite at my lip but, know he is right. It is just sae hard. "Ye willna do anything foolish?"

"I won't. I swear it." She reaches up to kiss me and I sigh into her mouth.

Tianna

When Claire suggests we walk down to the little cafe' for a private talk, I expect Paul to protest. He doesn't, but pulls me close, holding me tight, before kissing my forehead. "Be safe." He whispers in Latin.

"A promise." I reply. I am still a bit nervous as we walk out but, not as much as the first time. Seems the fact I know where we are going helps. We walk in and find a table in a corner.

"I wanted to ask you if, well, if you were okay with making love to Paul last night. Since,you told me you didn't want to before." She explains.

I flush as the waitress comes up. Claire orders a pot of tea and, when she leaves, I answer her. "I didnt, not at first. I told him no. But, then I..I woke up to the sound of you and Jamie. I tried to ignore the heat between my legs. I just finally couldn't. So, I woke him up."

Claire

I don't know whether to be proud or mortified. It takes me a moment to respond. "I am sorry we woke you. Were you really alright with.."

"I was. He apologized. Over and over. I don't think he will do such again. I still feel some anger with him. Will it get better?"

I laugh. "Eventually. They can sure make us furious, these husbands of ours. Once, in his time, I got so mad at Jamie, that I threatened to kill him if he did what he diid again. I also denied him my bed. I didn't let him back in until he swore an oath to me. They can be trying but, they love us."

"They really do."

She comes up to us. A strange women with her blond hair pulled back in a ponytail. "So sorry to interrupt. I overheard part of your conversation. Would you two be travelers"

I stare out her, my mouth wide open. "And if we were, why would we tell a stranger?"

"Sorry, I should have introduced myself. My name is Jennifer. I am a druid. My sisters and I danced at Craig na Dun a week ago. We knew someone was coming through. Four or five travelers. The pull was very strong. So, we have been keeping our eyes and ears open for them."

"Please join us Jennifer. I am Claire and this is Tianna. We came through with our husbands and one other."

"Ahhh, and are you finding this time okay? Have you found lodging?"

"We have, thank you. We are staying with Tianna's father, Raymond."'

"Raymond! You are Raymond's daughter! That means you are from ancient Rome. Wow!"

"She is. How do you know Raymond?"

"Oh. I found him, in the deep traveler's sleep, the first time he came through. He lay in the center of the stones."

"Amazing. Would you like to accompany us back?"

"I would love to."

I didn't hesitate. I knew taking her home wasn't one of the things Jamie would consider foolish. She has the air of Mrs Graham. I trust her instantly.

Raymond

"Ah Jamie, Paul see they are back." I say as I hear the ladies walk up.

"Raymond, we ran into a friend of your's. Jennifer, the druid dancer."

"Jennifer!" She runs over to me and I lift her up and spin her around. "It has been."

"A year." She says with a laugh. "How fortuitous it was to run into your daughter and her friend. We knew a large group was coming through. Just didnt know it was going to be you and yours."

"It wasn't me. It was my daughter, son-in-law, and their friends and," I grin at her," and Merlin." Her eyes get so wide I feer they may pop out.

"Merlin! The Merlin!"

"At your service, ma'am." He walks in and bows low to her.

"Oh Christ. I think I may need something strong to drink and the whole story." I pour her some whiskey and we all take seats in the living room. Where we tell her all. Starting from when Claire first went through up to the present.

Claire

"So, you are probably adjusting better then the others." She says later. We find ourselves alone in the kitchen.

"I am. There are some differences but they aren't as jaring as they are to Jamie and the others. I have a favor to ask you."

"Yes?"

"Well two. Please come for Christmas. It will make Raymond's day. And, well, I have went shopping with Merlin for what we need. But, there are some more personal things I would like to get for Tianna and I. Things I wouldn't be comfortable buying in front Merlin."

"Merlin! I am still not over that. But, of course luv. I would be happy to take you shopping and, would love to come for Christmas." We smile at each other, already fast friends.

[infinitydoublevenus]

like fern is just finn if he was bumped out of his own life and corrupted by a demon. it shows us different aspects of finn’s soul and personality, and how he would deal with all that - basically showing us his dark side, without fucking up main finn.

i had a whole long ass shpiel about why i disagree written out and then my computer decided not to listen to my mouse and it basically got destroyed

but in summary, 

- MAJOR SPOILER WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FINALE YET-

i dont think everything that made fern the way he is was the demons fault. like… imagine if you will, waking up one day in a body you’re unfamiliar with, but not realizing it until someone looking just like you claims they are you, your brother defends them and claims you’re not who you really are, calls you a demon, your “son” (BMO) is terrified of you for what you can only assume is no reason, you realize you cant do the things you loved anymore because this body isn’t capable of it, and since you’re unfamiliar with it, you keep fucking up to the point where you feel like you can’t do anything right. then you finally, FINALLY get a chance to prove yourself and you’re incapable of doing what you were supposed to. which makes you feel less than your doppelganger because they seem so much more successful and better at what you did then you were. imagine that you realize “hey, these memories i have of my entire life aren’t mine anymore” that would surely cause someone to question whether they really were that person or not. and as we see in Do No Harm, Fern clearly is on the side of “i’m someone else now. i have these memories that you share with me, but our personalities and circumstances are different. therefore i am not you. maybe i used to be, but i’m not anymore.” by his own admission, and i quote: “Whatever I am, I’m… not you.” and then you get another chance to at least prove you’re not worthless at least to one person, and you fuck it up. at this point you’re so frustrated you snap. some might even resort to self harm (see: Fern tearing his “ears” off. Clearly they’re a part of his body or they wouldn’t have regenerated like they did.) the person who says they’re you tries to comfort you all the time but it’s not enough, they never get to the root of the issue. you want to tell them. you want them to understand. but they’ve never been through something like this, so they don’t. imagine that no one else IN THE WORLD that you know of has the same problem that you do. imagine how lonely that must have felt for him. he literally felt like he was completely alone. the only person going through this hell that he was trapped in. and imagine that, in your head, this voice (the demon) is whispering to you, and urging you to do harmful things to others. you dont want to, but you want it to shut up. thus he suggests “sever his tendons?” when talking about how to deal with Sweet P. on top of all of this, the worst part is you feel like you’ve been replaced. like you were nothing. like you didn’t matter enough for people to care that you were replaced. you try to form your own identity around who you are now and not what you used to be, but you don’t know what or who you are or are supposed to be. you don’t know what you want, since the role you most wanted to fill, this person has taken now. it gets so frustrating you’re convinced the only solution is if they died. you’ve sunk so far into this depressing narrative that you’ve convinced yourself of that you don’t see any other way out. but you don’t WANT them to die. so you hide them away and give them food and an item for comfort (meatloaf being finn’s favorite food & Fern giving him a pan of dirt because he didn’t know how to make meatloaf even though he already gave him garbage he could sift through so he at least wouldn’t starve). your plan is that everything would go back to normal so you wouldnt have to deal with this shit anymore. but suddenly the person escapes and attacks you. they start interrogating your motivations like they don’t already know about the shit you’ve gone through. so you start fighting with each other, and then because of the violence thats broken out, the demons power grows stronger than it should be and increases your willingness to fight and kill. you have your sword at your enemy’s throat and they start pleading that “it doesn’t have to be like this. we can just go home and talk things out! nobody has to die!” but before you can get a word in - and also, there’s no way Fern could have known it was an accident - their razorblade weapon slashes through your stomach. everyone thinks you’re dead. someone you don’t know and have never seen before, but looks similar to someone you know, finds you and revives you. they live with a nice old lady and their nephew. your real parents abandoned you, your father figure only wanted to use you (the grassy wizard “This is great for me, personally! You have to do my bidding!”) and your mother was forced to quarantine herself because of an epidemic and can only interact with you through a screen, and now here you are, being offered family! family you genuinely believe wont abandon you! friends! people who might be willing to try and understand you! including a father figure, a thing that was missing from your life since you were a little kid! not only that, but they’ve given you the ability to be more capable in fighting, and killing, the thing you were trying to do to your doppelganger. they gave you armor and weapons and a place to stay! their only condition is to fight in war against someone you barely even remember. its not like they need YOU to be their knight anymore anyway, the doppelganger does that now. HE’S the one loyal to them. so you go along with it,. you finally have a chance to get rid of said doppelganger when the father figure tells you “not yet”. since you appreciate what they’ve done for you, you obey. the next time you see the person who’s replaced you he wants to negotiate with “your boss” as he calls them. they’re not just a boss to you, they’re a father. not only that but he came here with your brother. who might i add, attacks you. imagine being called a demon by your brother, still having hope he might not hate you, and then a few months later being attacked by him like you’re his enemy, when you two were best friends throughout your childhood. ithe old lady comes out of the building and tells you both to stop fighting. your “twin” compares her to your mother. “She’s kinda like mom, yeah?” this person, this person who replaced you, is referring to the mother that would have, should have raised you as their own mother. so you feel compelled to justify that you’re her son too. “She was my mom too!” and then the doppelganger says you’re like family, so why are you fighting like this? you know he’s right, but you don’t want to admit it, because it HURTS to admit it. so you pull your helmet over your head and leave. 

the next time you see them, they’re trying to negotiate to stop the war from happening. you don’t know what to think. they use a potion to put all of you in a shared dream, where your father figure orders you to kill the opposing side because maybe they’ll die in real life. you WOULD have, but then he straight up abandons you, just like your real father did. you’ve developed abandonment issues before because of that and they come to the surface now. you’re so upset you can’t move. the doppelganger tries to snap you out of it but he;’s the last person you want to see right now. so you try to get away from him, but he follows you. you get into another fistfight but before you can finish your brother reminds you that you have all the same traumas. but that your situations are still DIFFERENT, even though you share the same pain. your doppelganger and you have to face the music and he kills the demon, you’re finally free of it. “I’m me again.” this line can be interpreted in two different ways: literally, or figuratively. if we take it literally, he’s turned into finn again BUT like jake says, “it’s just a dream”. sure, it still causes you to die later on, but not everything in that dream became reality. and you only died because the demon was the only thing keeping your unfamiliar body from falling apart. if its interpretated differently however he could be seen as saying “finally, i’m back in my old body again, in a familiar body that i know how to operate in, and i am free of the demon’s curse and the impulses that were driving me to fight so violently.” they didnt say all that of course because it would be tedious, this isnt Hamlet where they can go on and on about how much they hate the planet for several hours. when you wake up from the shared dream, a strange entity is attacking everyone. you’re willing to defend your homeland “down to your last blade” as he puts it, but your body is starting to fall apart and isn’t suited for battle right now. you do your best, even fending off a giant monster, but you become so weak and frail you fall over (see: Huntress Wizard helping him during Time Adventure). you can barely move, but then the solution to defeating the entity comes to light. (singing) it’s something you can do without as much effort as battle would take, so you take part in it as well. but you’re almost completely broken apart by now. you can barely stand up. your doppelganger has escaped the entity that was trying to eat him. you’ve finally realized that he cared more about you than you wanted to admit. you know you’ll feel guilty if you die leaving him without a conclusion. so you get his attention. he’s distraught by the sight of you: weak, falling apart, literally dying in front of him. you try to lighten the mood, he offers to take you to your home so you can die in peace, but you see the expression on your brother’s face that says “that place was destroyed by the monsters”. you know he’d be distraught even more if you told him that now, so you comfort him with your last words. “It’s okay, just promise to plant me there.” 

in conclusion, this post was longer than i intended for it to be, but not all of Fern’s bitterness and aloof, somewhat-empathy-lacking personality stems from the Emissary’s corruption. it was also from feelings of being replaced, estrangement from his brother, and abandonment issues. as well as a feeling of worthlessness which could be interpreted as clinical depression once it got to a certain point. 

i don’t think Fern is just “Finn 2.0, we added misery in the latest update!” I think he’s a lot more complex than that. he realized they had the same traumatic memories, but they still had different situations: his doppelganger wasn’t being held captive by the Emissary like he was. they’ve gone through similar - even the same - shit, but he also has his own unique trauma finn’s never gone through. not the one we see after the episode where they revive Prismo, anyway.

he also sided with Gumbaldia not only because they offered him family and a home, “There’s nothing I have that you don’t!” but also because being equipped better for revenge gave him a purpose, something that his struggles with his identity partially stemmed from a lack of. 

so yeah i don’t mean to be rude or anything, i am 100% NOT here for discourse, i just wanted to elaborate on my opinion and why i made that post about Finn and Fern earlier. 

sorry if that was too long of a post to read haha… i just have a lot of nuanced opinions on a lot of different things. 

tl;dr: fern’s issues, i believe, were caused by more than just a demon screaming in his ear at his every turn. i dont wanna be an asshole i just felt like elaborating 

[ace2light]

felt so down..

i wanted to talk to people so badly. by people, i meant those whom i am close with. super close with, esp him. i do have ppl whom are extremely close to me. but i dont dare to approach them due to as follows: 

poon: he is with his friends, he wont have the time to entertain me also, well, there were times i couldnt control myself and texted him, i got a single word ‘ok’, i know where i stand, i backed off. i switched off my phone literally. idw to have more disappointment in my alrdy bad and sad mood. rather than unknowingly text him and anticipate he would at least ask how i am. i rather not meet with such a disappointment. well if he knows that i am really trying my best to cope with my feelings and thoughts, he would auto read this without me telling him. cos if i dont spam him, i go to insta, if i dont go to insta, i come to tumblr. these are the ways i penned down how i feel and what i think when there is no one to talk to me, no one whom i can chat with. 

steph: in gasglow, i dont want her to be burden with my issues. she will know when she returns when we catch up anws. 

chanel and jiawen: we are drifting apart. they are the ppl i joke ard with but no longer the ones whom i find to rant about. as i always hang out with poon, i dw them to feel i treat bf more than i treat my bff. i dont want them ti feel they are spare tyre. 

sheena and sam: i scared i make them feel overwhelm with my issues. plus sheena is no coping well alrdy, idw to add to her problems. 

mum: she no longer is my close listening ears. i nvr tell her many things, in fact, i nvr say much about myself anymore, except rant about dad to her. other than that, nth. idw her to worry about me, esp my studies. i didnt tell her i wasnt coping well in school lately also. she’s too busy dealing with my dad anws. 

dylan: he is a gd friend, but then i am not comfy telling him too many things. 

xx: i lose the position to rant to him. before i got into a relationship, he was always there when i was feeling down. be it normal classes whereby i am feeling sad or stress, he will buy me oreo (altho he say his house got unlimited supplies, so many times, he think i believe meh). he can chat with me for the entire night when i was feeling so lost about some issues in the past. he takes care of me like a little sis. often he is the one who can notice i am sad and try ways to make me happy. i always treated him as my bro. he is like my younger/older bro. because of many reasons, i distant myself from him. i dont want poon to be jelly about xx and me, neither do i want to make xx feel sad, so the best way is to distant from him. 

it has been long since i felt like cutting myself. thankfully that feeling happens when i was on a cab, i have no access to pen knife. if not idk what would happen to myself. honestly, i just wanna just rot in bed tmr, i dont feel like meeting anyone, but cos i promise alrdy, i have to appear.. 

it is getting worst, i overthink. i overthink in my sleep also. idw to. idk how to tell my brain to gimme a break. i really wanna break free from overthinking. i even woke up from a worst case scenario about poon me and my parents. i was awaken by this dream today, it scares me but i didnt share with him. 

what i feel now. towards poon. yes, i am his gf. apart from saying ‘i love u’, he technically did nth thru out the entire day i was down. i understand that he is with his friend. but i am feeling too low to even be considerate about it. at least, talk to me abit? make me feel a bit btr instead of just ‘i love u’? i know u love me and you mean it, but in times of this, too much of such phrases makes me feel i am not impt. i am just a person whom you have to say ‘i love u’ to a few times a day. for so long, i havent felt so lonely on terms of texting. i am a heavy texter to ppl whom i am comfortable in. he is one of them. i always felt a bit sad that when i am awake, he is asleep, why cant fate let him have a normal sleeping time? i really wish he was at least awake to text me when i am on my way to school or in school.. yes, he blame me that i didnt call him up or wake him up, but certain things, it doesnt comes from me, it takes his effort, not just mine. i mean if a person is asleep, what for wake him up for a casual chat esp when the reason is i am bored? this is so unreasonable. 

just ytd issue. btn poon and me. when i started to put in more trust in him, he shakes it again. i trusted him to come meet me with monster also, in fact, i anticipated that, that was the encouragement i told myself, the only reason that keep me awake. the thought of my bf visiting me and delivering a drink i needed so badly that day. end up, he did come (make me feel i am his priority but i was guilty). before that, i was comtrolling my temper not to rage at him. honestly, what does he mean. well if i was in his shoes, it is very simple. come to the gf then meet his friends afterwards. cos he promise the gf to come alrdy, but didnt promise the gf to wait for her after her test. what was promise first should be carried out, what is so hard about it? for me, personally, whoever i made a promise with first, i go with the promise first. unless that person is fking impt to me, which is him, whenever he wants to meet last minute, i have to push some of my plans away just to meet him. i really hope he knows it is hard for me to lie all the time, i dont have so much lies in me to hide from my parents all the time. and in order to make a lie, i have plan ahead, if it is so last minute, i cant think of a perfect reason to lie. but he doesnt get it? he seems to take it for granted that i can meet him any time sometimes, that is what i feel. sometimes, i have to get back home early cos i cnt go home too late. one is my fears of going home alone late at night, second is i cant see shit at night, three my mum is worried for me too. one more thing, shouldnt he pull me into the conversation instead of asking me to try on my own? isnt it easier for him to pull me into a conversation with his friends rather than i awkwardly ask them weird qns? i just hate it when he force me to talk, and if i dont, he would get upset, like srsly, i didnt talk for a reason okay. 

well i do appreciate his efforts, waking up before i go and caring for me. but if he’s gonna ignore me or forget about me when he is with his friends, i rather he dont show me i am his priority. cos it is fking hard to deal with when he isnt there to reply me all the time, reply as in a continuous conversation not a single word of trying to brush me off, yes, it might be a form of acknowledgement of it to me. but then, if i rant to him, do i really need an acknowledgement? hmm, i doubt so. i hate spamming him my feelings my thoughts cos he reads but dont reply me one by one, i hate that. if i tell you my feelings and thoughts fking reply, rants, at least tell me sth instead of a word ‘i reply later cos i chatting or gaming with my friends’ is still btr than a word, but ofc, make sure he replies afterwards lah, if not the words has no meaning. 

it is so hard to not text a person whom you text all the time a day. it is not i didnt wanna text, i am so fking tired and disappoointed at the nonchalant, okay not even nonchalant reply, just a word answer seems like i am disturbing him and brushing me off. i tried to text him, but if i am gonna get a word, what for i continue, sometimes it is not i didnt wanna spam. it’s just i know he wont reply to every single thing, so i am avoiding that disappointment. it takes two hands to clap, he want me to do this, then prove to me, it is worth it. like spamming, you want me to spam, then reply everything lah, i know i say b4 he need not necessarily reply everything but who doesnt want to be replied, if not send for what? 

he always wanted me to text him ‘i want him now’, why would i text a person asleep that? does he knows how much courage it takes for me to ask for things i want?  for almost 10 years, i havent been living for myself, i live for others, i nvr really requested a lot of things. idk how and i fear rejections, imagine mustering tons of courage then got rejected. hell no am i gonna make myself suffer that. best eg, first time i asked him to bring me sth that is extremely out of his way for me, he came but didnt fulfil the things i want. seeing him makes me not angry but the sadness doesnt disappear. 

i am like this now cos i want him to talk to me, even if it is for 2 mins, show that he tries to understand how i feel now. but nah, nope, i had enough of dissapointment today. i aint gonna on my phone until tmr. if he is late for tmr, i am so gonna ignore him for a day. 

as much as i wanna blame him for having fun and forgot about me. but i cnt. 

enough of him.

what cause me so sad and down. it is like i am awake but i aint doing my work. i dont have the energy to do so. i am so tired of everything. 

academic failure. is extremely strong when i failed my CT. 

stress. i m dealing with so many in schools but no one exactly knows what i am going thru. 

home: i have to smile to maintain i am okay feels. one not to let my parents worry and not to anger them. 

friends: i dgaf about them alrdy. i dont have the mood to deal with them. 

him: i am just idk, extremely sad and dissapointed about it, how he acts/ treats me these 2 days, esp today. 

wtv happens next, tonight, i wont gurantee. whether i harm myself or not. i cant be sure. controlling it is so hard. death to me aint scary, what i am scared of is the sadness ppl felt if i harm myself. 

dont blame me to disappear. if he shown more effort, i wouldn't have disappeared due to sadness and disappointment. actually, would he even know i disappear? 

or maybe, i havent been okay, cos i felt neglected by him... apart from my parents, only one more person can me feel so dead when i am alrdy unhappy, which worsen my sadness. 

IF HE HAPPENS TO FIND TILL HERE, I SALUTE HIM COS I DONT EXPECT HIM AT ALL. which implies he knows how to find me when i dissapear. 

[innerheadstories]

The hidden blades

    The inner halls lf the adventure guild was rather lively this morning seems a large amount of new adventures seeking glory and fame had joined recently fresh new porcline and copper tags wondered around the guilds main floor talking and laughing. On the upper floor where only the older and high ranked members were allowed sat Sinclar and Obron. Sinclar was clad in his typical black robes  and even in the well lit guild the hood kept his face hidden in shadows. AS for Obron his black plate armour seemed to obsorb any light that was around him keeping him coated in a dark and eveil arour of course that was to be expected of a dark paldin such as himself.  Sinclair raspy voice ame from his robes. "Such weak and frail lot wouldnt even be worth reanimating if they fell" He coughed from inside his robes. Obron siply turned his head to look at them from his helm before  grumbling somthign about being pathric under his breath and retning his attion to the drink before him.  Sinclar shook his head as he got up to go and find himself and his parner a new quest. While a mage a paldin may seem like a weak pair it handt stoped them from getting to the broze ranking of course they  had been in such a rank for a while The guild still didnt entrly tust them A black mage and a dark paldin did make a scary and odd pairing and hard to trust..

        Down on the main floor. A younge Aladrin looked as his porclin plate tag that reflected in his sharp intellgent golden eyes with a sigh. He pushed his long silver hair back over his long pointed ears his golden skin making him practically glow in light espically when his clothing were dark blacks and browns. But even in the dark colors it was easy to see his clothing was expertly made and of high quality . Man this sucks I was hoping I could at least start off a copper. The  priest's clapped him on the back . "Come now dear brother you cant charm your way into a higher rank. You must start on the bottem like everyone eles."  The female Aladrin shook her head Her butifull silver hair hung down her back in intrcate barids and her skin was the same beatufil gold as her twin. Her own golden eyes shown with amusment and love her white and blue robes marking her as a healer. The magical staff she carried was a lovely dark brown elderwood with a small bell on top that chimed softly as it tapped the grond.   as The male chuckled ."Why not been able to charm myself plenty of other places." She rolled her eyes "I really dont need to know where that tounge of yours has gotten you dear brother." She shoved at his shoulder lightly.       "Think fast shorty. "Came a loud shout just before a Large warhammer was swung at him. He only had just enogh time to grab his sister and jump back as he turned around His hand on his raipier before he relised it was a large golith in hard leather with runes caareved into it. "Hahahaha I knew it was you Valkier." The elf smiled Taking his hand off his Raipier. "Jugo is that you" The Large golith male  laughed as he place his hammer on his shoulder "The one and only" He chcuckled Over seven foot tall and broad as a tower shield The golith wore leather that was covered in intricate rune symblos  that also match the ones that were tattoed on his bald head. Valkier laughed "Good to see you I havent seen you since the last treity sighing." He nodded "I see you decide to finally come to the adventure guild like I told ya." He laughed.    Valkir nodded "Well me and my sister decide to leave the kingdom on our own and explore the world I assumed this was the best way to do it" He sighed "OF course these ceramic plates dont give us many options for quest" He sighed BEfore motioning to his sister "This is Seresa my little sister" The small prestes smiled and bowed her head. "ITs a pleasre to meet you. And im his twin not his little sister" She said shoving at him. The Giant smiled and bowed his head back placing his hands together ."Blessing of   Kavaki be with you" He smiled as she smiled plsently. "So you both just joined up." The male nodded "Yes we are new members still cerimic class was hopping for copper at least but what can ya do. how about you." The giant held up his own copper plate. "Still low ranking untill recently I was a lone adventure and was having trouble getting quiest that I could fufill."  He smiled "Thats why I teamed up with my compainons. A large snake man sleithered up next to his right while a small shy girl in gold and blue robes came up to stand on his left her skin was pale and her silver hair and eyes made her look almost blind. "This is Shalti she is a changling. She bowed her head and in a quiet voice. "Its a pleasure."     "And to my right is kalji a Yaun-Ti" He is from the nomad tribe in the desert plains. The snakes scales were a red rust color and  his deep red seemed to see stright threw to the core of a person his ownly clothing was a loincloth around his waist as well as leather padding on his shoulders and the staps that held his swords and quiver of arrows on his back. "ppppppleasssure" He said as he bowed his head.       The snake looked up at the Golith I have some busssniess in town to attend to, I will catch up with you later" He told him before leaving threw the front door. The changling nodded "I need to go turn in our last quest and find a new one so why dont you catch up with your frineds she said with a little bow before pulling her hood up and heading off in the grouded main hall.     Jugo smiled  "Care to join me for a drink." He smiled The two siblings nodded as Jungo and them all headed out into the crowded town to go to a tavren that the golith must have known well since no one seemed to pay his precenes any mind."    The golith and the elfs talked and drank and ate. The golith explaied the hierarchy of the guild and the levels as well as the way quest worked and collection of payment for adventures and how the guild would rank the quest according to diffuclty and only certain levels could take certain task. It seemed that thye could take any quest of there current rank and bellow but they coudnt take any quest of a higher level unless at least one of their members were of the proper rank.        Valkir smiled "So how did you join up with your comanions seems a bit of a odd Trio." He said taking a drink. "A golith A Yaun-ti and a Changling." Seresa nodded taking a small "Yes I do admit it is a little odd." She said. Jungo laughed "YA Like a pair of twins being a priest and a rouge are normal" Valkir laughed "Cours it dose I got all the evil and she got all the good" He laughed "We are the perfect balance to one another." Seresa rolled her eyes. "At least that what he tells everyone" She smiled "but never the less still I thought you were more the solo type." She asked cocking her head to the side her bright golden eyes curios about the golith and his compainons. Jungo sighed "Well as I said its hard to take a lot of missions as a solo act." He told them. "I mean dont get me wrong streght is great and my god gives me protection and prowess to fight on equal terms with most monsters........at least one on one or even 3 and 4 on one for some of the smaller ones.....But clearing out a colbalt hive is a bit hardered\ by myself. "The other two actully happened upon me that way they had taken the same quest as me before it had come up that I had taken it. Only they took longer to prepair than me so I was able to get there first" Valkir nodded ."So wht they came upon you after you had already cleared the place.     Jugo shook his head. "No they found me after I had taken out a large group of them but had also been hurt pretty badley" He lifted his leather armour to show the deep jaggad scar in his side. They gave me a healing potion and helped get me back on my feet and together we finished the quest....after that we decided to stick together as a party for a while we found that we were able to cover each others weakness pretty well." HE said. "See Kalji is a Ranger and is a amazing shot with a bow. So he has a lot better range than any of my spells could ever reach and the pair of curved swords he carries....well he could probibly stand on pair with you and your raiper" He said motioning to Valkir. As for Shalti she is a illusion mage and combine that with her own natrul abilty as a changling she is able to sneak in and out of basiclaly anywhere not to mention she can scare the hell out of damn near anything." He told them downing what was left of his piant before signalling the barkeep for another one.     The sibling nodded ."I can see how it would be handy because add them with your strenght and own magic it makes for a pretty strong party." Saresa said as her brother nodded ."Although if Kalji is as good with those swords as you say I may have to have a duel with him and see how good he really is." He grinned. His siter giggled "Really worried someoen might be better than you" He looked offnded "Better than mua you know how long I been using this blade of mine" He said patting the sheeth of his rapior been with me for damn near a centrey now." She rolled her eyes "Dosnt mean your as good as you play your self up to be" She teased while jugo laughed "ight ght ya two." He smiled looking at them. But as good of a team as we are we could actully use you two with us" He tol them as the bother raised a eyebrow "Really" he nodded          Jugo smiled "So you two want to join up with us" He smiled "We could use a priest and a thieif......I mean rogue" The elf laughed while His sister grabbed his ear "What have I told you about that brother" he laughed as "He said Rouge you know I dont do that anymore." She glared at him "They why are you holding that nobles coin purse " he chuckled "Much I dont do that much anymore" She sighed letting go and shaking her head. "Your such a pain."  Before looking back to him. "But you all seem so strong already what could we offer." She asked. Jugo smiled "WEll dear my magic is more war magic than healing so at best I can heal small wounds im much better at making my team stronger and able to take more punishment but with you and your abilitys you could help make sure none of us are taken to the afterlife before our time." She smiled blushing a bit. "Well I dont know about all that Im still learning and havent had much experince in actully using my healing abilitys other than small injurys and such." Valkir shook his head. "Shes being modest she is actully more powerfull than she lets on" He looked at him. "But if you ranger is so good wit his swords and you changling can get in and out I dont see why you really need me" Jugo shook his head. " Me and Kalji could use help on the front lines just the two of us trying to protect the two girls is a lot of work and while Kalji is good with his swords I dont think I know how fast you are with your little poker there you can intercept anything that would try to rush past us, He smiled "Besides when Shalit dose infiltration espically into high class areas lets face it your able to pass as noble and high brow much easier than me or him. Both of you are." He showed him a quild quest "We thought about doing this but sending her in alone didnt seem right with you two she would be safe incase somthing happend."       The contract was infiltration and information gathering. There was a party being held by a high dwarf lord but there was suscprion of curruption and political munipulation at play. "If she were to go in alone and get found out it could be bad for her. But with you two with her if somthing happened we would know shes in good hands." The two sibling thought about it "Well I mean I dont see a downside pluse like you said its easier to get things done with a party." Valkir said to him as the golith nodded "Aye" Seresa looked a little aprensive though "I mean it would defntly be a advantage but...I dont wanna hold you all back." The golith shook his head. "Ya wouldnt hold us back lass I know you have more power than ya think and with us we will keep you safe so you can improve." He told her with a smile      The small eldrin girl blushed but nodded ."A..alright then." She smiled "Ill do it Ill join up" As the golith smiled "Good We will be all the better for having you." His compainons entered the bar. The changling was only able to be idetified by her bule and gold robes as since she had changed her apperince to that of a human to walk the streets. The Yaun ti slithered along next to her. "Jugo we have our next job seemes there is a group of mercchants wanting a escort threw badit territory." Jugo nodded "Sounds good" HE smiled as he motioned to the eladrins. "I got us a couple of new recruites though so make them feel welcomed." THe snake nodded "Welcom abord then" The changling nodded seaking softly "Pleasure to have you"     Valkir looked at them. "Just like that no questions or anything." The snake shrugged his shoulders. "Your good with Jugo your good with me he seems to know you good enogh' He said "I assume he hass resaons for wanting to bring you along." He grinned "Just make sure you dont slow us down." Valkir grinned "Speak for yourself you think your able to slither faster than me." The yaun ti grinned "I like him.' He said to Jugo. He laughed shaking his head. "I figured you would. Anyway Valkir Saresa welcome to the hidden blades."

[therealestatesparkblog]

How I Went From 6 to 37 Units With One Acquisition Using Hard Money Financing

Disclaimer: This is a very long post detailing how Iacquired a large, out-of-state commercial property. I hope youll find it helpful. If you have any questions or feedback, feel free to leave a comment below or drop me a message. My Cash Goals Prior to this deal, I owned a duplex and a fourplex. Both properties have appreciated substantially since I purchased and rehabbed them, but produce little cash flow. I have other businesses I work in aside from multi-unit investing. My 18-month goal when taking on this project was to increase my passive income (cash flow) so it exceeded my active income (wages)an aggressive goal. In preparation,I sold one of my aforementioned properties to raise money for a lucrative multi-family property to rehab and hold onto. My Search CriteriaCapitalization (CAP) rateof 10%+A value-add property (a building that needs work; yet once the work is done, the value increase should exceed the renovation cost, creating equity)A max purchase price of $450,000, with a cash flow of at least $4,000 per month upon completion10+ units (the more units in the building, the lower my risk) Note: Single-family investing is not my thing, but perfectly fine if thats your strategy.

How I Search Finding good deals is usually about relationships and marketing. However, I dont ignore online listings. I search frequently for properties that meet my criteria. In this case, I found an out-of-state, broker-listed, 33-unit property that was listed near my target price. I read for hours every day, and I know which geographical areas are doing well and which areas arent. Of course, Im not as familiar with out-of-state markets as local investors are, but I do my research and network with area experts when I find an interesting deal in what seems like a good area. I searched in a few states, and in this case, I found a deal in South Carolina. I called the listing agent to get some information. The property had: 33 units spread across 6 separate buildings14 of 33 units rented4 of 33 units completely gutted on the inside15 of 33 units in varying stages of rehab As a value-add investor, this was music to my ears. The 14 rehabbed units were 100 percent occupied and collecting rent, providing income to cover a debt payment while completing rehab work. I saw an opportunity to buy this place, complete the rehab, stabilize the property, and gain some equity to leverage for the next deal. The catch, the agent said, would be getting financing for this property, which was best suited to a cash buyer. Banks would be wary of the smaller rental market (around 45,000 people) and the condition of the property. I told the agent to give me a few days to explore some options. After some market research, I discovered that companies were investing in the area, unemployment was down, rents for this property were well below market, and there was a long waiting list of Section-8 tenants because there werent enough units in the citygreat. Validating the Deal A meeting with my CPA yielded a referral to one of his financial clients. This client was a mortgage broker focused on risky lending. I got in touch with him on Friday evening and had a pre-qualification letter by Saturday morning. Keep in mind it was only a pre-qualification, not a pre-approval (meaning the lender isnt obligated to finance the deal), but it was a good thing to have in my back pocket nonetheless. I made a trip, toured the property, and met a very genuine and honest seller who told me exactly what to expectpositive and negative. While I was there, I spent time in the city talking with hotel clerks, gas-station attendants, property managers, real-estate agents, and just about anyone else who would tell me about the neighborhood. I drove up and down every street within two miles and noticed that the local residents really took care of their properties. Making the Offer The pre-qualification said financing would cover up to 70% of a purchase price up to $400,000 (this helped with negotiations). It would also cover 100% of renovations. I had enough cash to meet these terms, with enough left over to begin construction and hold onto some reserves. So I put in an offer of $350,000, which included 30 days to come up with the financing (I anticipated a few bumps). A few hours later, another bidder offered $375,000. Multiple offersnot good. I was willing to pay up to $400,000, so I matched the other offer and put emphasis on my pre-qualification letter. It worked. The seller accepted my offer. Putting Financing Together I estimated repairs at $300,000, but I needed a professional to validate my assumptions. Im not a contractor, and I wasnt familiar with local prices. I asked for referrals to general contractors from a local lawyer, a regionalReal Estate Investors Association president, and the listing agent. Then I scheduled another trip to South Carolina and slotted six local contractors for one-hour walk throughs throughout the day. In the end, the rehab estimate totaled around $400,000$100,000 more than I had projected. After further research and discussion, I realized the contractors were high-balling the estimates for four units that needed completely new interiors. They were in a separate building where there had been a fire a number of years ago, and I needed an architect to determine what would be salvageable, how to configure the units to meet current code, and to help get a permit issued; without firming up the scope, it was difficult for the contractors to give an accurate estimate. Those four units represented most of the inflated cost. Meanwhile, the clock was ticking on my 30 days for financing. Upon further analysis, the sellers agent pointed out that if I didnt do any work on those four units, the rest of the property could be completed for $120,000. Worst case scenario, I could bulldoze that building and still easily meet my cash-flow goal. Going ahead with the project still made sense. So I sent the contractor estimates to the mortgage broker, explained the discrepancy, and the broker got to work underwriting the deal.

Related:8 Things The Real Estate Experts Wont Tell You About Hard Money Selecting a Lender Unless youre a cash buyer or have a standing relationship with private lenders, securing financing is likely the most difficult hurdle to closing a multi-unit deal. The referral from my CPA was a solid one. However, from past experience, I knew it was not unusual for a lender to pull out at the last minuteso I made a few other phone calls, just in case. I called about 25 lenders and brokers in total. Some were from my personal list, some were referrals from my contacts. Local Community Banks in South Carolina were a pleasure to deal with but couldnt help me since I was from out of state.Major U.S. banksthat I had banking relationships with were just too big for this deal.Mortgage Brokers were 50/50:About half said they wouldnt do this deal because of the construction loan and because I couldnt put down 30% of the total cost (I was looking to put down 30% of purchase price). The other half said the deal would be no problem. At this point, five mortgage brokers were reviewing my paperwork, saying they could get this deal done. I was honest with the brokers. I told them Id spoken with others since I knew the deal was tricky. Its important not to give anyone the wrong impression or let them think that youre working only with them. Of the five, two brokers backed out because they couldnt find a lender willing to take on the project. One broker said he was close. The CPA referral was still considering the deal too, but he hadntdirectly engaged any lenders yet. I continued making phone calls, following up, and juggling multiple brokers. Finding Property Management Companies & Insurance Agents I contacted five local property management companies. Three of them called me back. One of the reps was nice enough, but didnt really seem like a people personso that wasnt going to work. Another company immediately sent me a copy of the property-management agreement to look over, but it outlined a plethora of fees, and basically stripped me of my decision making-rights in managing the property. That wasnt going to work either. My real-estate agent referred me to someone hed used before in a nearby town. The owner was knowledgeable, personable, and willing to negotiate terms that would benefit us both. I negotiated a flat monthly percentage of rent as the management fee, with no other charges at all. Thus ensuring our interests would be aligned. Next I called an insurance agent I had been referred to. After many excuses and unreturned phone calls, he finally sent a quote that was double what the current owner had been payingfor the same coverage. So I called the current owners insurance company and was quoted (the same day) roughly the same price the current owner was being charged. It was nice to have a management agreement and an insurance quote ready to go for when I needed it. Lenders eventually ask for these. Related: How I find Private Money Lenders to 100% Fund My Deals (& How You Can Too) Financing, Continued I estimated anafter-repair value (ARV)of $1.1 million based on (the midpoint of) the low end of the price-per-unit spectrum for recently sold properties in the city. I didnt have income information for those properties, so price per unit is what I went on. After weeks of making phone calls and sending and resending documentation, two brokers sent meterm sheets.One promised hed continue working on the deal until I had something firm. The term sheets were as follows: Broker A: 90% financing on the purchase price, and 100% financing on rehab costs; 7% interest for 24 months, no prepayment penalty.Broker B: 20% down payment on the overall purchase and rehab; 13% interest for 12 months, no prepayment after 9 months. Both brokers were primarily working off loan to ARV. Broker As deal was obviously much better. However, Broker As terms were subject to underwriting, since the offer was presented based on the information I provided (purchase price, rehab costs, and an ARV of $1.1 million). My down payment would workout to around $40,000. Closing fees, broker fees, taxes and insurance were extra, of course. Broker Bs deal had a better chance of moving to closing. Broker B was ready to order an appraisal and close within two weeks if everything checked out. My cash-to-close cost would work out to around $240,000. I went with Broker AIm not afraid of risk. After speaking with this brokers lender, I had a good feeling. I was confident that the deal would work out in my favor. I let Broker B know I was going a different route, and he said, No problem; let me know if things dont work out. He was a great guy to deal with. At this point, I told the other brokers who were still working the deal that I had signed a Letter of Intent (LOI) with another company. I signed the term sheet on the LOI, paid for an appraisal, and moved forward with Broker A. The appraisal came back with a current value of $475,000 and estimated a value of $1 million upon project completion. The higher-than-expected current value helped provide some comfort to both the lender and me. The ARV was lower than I anticipated, but the lender assured me it wouldnt affect the terms of the deal. We could move forward. I sent him the property management agreement and the insurance quote and he said everything was fine. I was surprised, since lenders wont normally go above 70% loan to value, or 65% in smaller markets, but we trudged on nonetheless. In the meantime, I kept working on trying to get some better contractor quotes, just in case.

Closing the Deal Three or four days before closing, I received an email from the lender stating they couldnt find anyone to fund the deal: I would need to put up another $200,000 in order to get things wrapped up. The terms were now similar to those offered by Broker B, but I had already paid for the appraisal with Broker As lender. I took a conference call with the lender. The managing director told me he had originally thought he could finance in-house with funds managed by his colleagues, but none of the fund managers would take the deal due to the small size of the local market. He assured me that he could get the deal done, but said he needed more for the down payment30% down on the purchase price. That was exactly what I had been originally expecting, so it was no problem. Closing was extended by two weeks, and some additional earnest money was paid. Two weeks later, another setback: The lenders managing director called me again and said he would finance the deal himself by getting a bank loan. We extended closing again, this time by 20 days, and the seller said in no uncertain terms that this would be the final extension. With the additional earnest money, I now had $15,000 in the dealnot including the appraisal and travel costs. If the deal didnt go through in the next 20 days, the seller would have kept the place and I would have been out more than $20,000. More Setbacks Well, the bank didnt like the property and turned the lender down. Remember, a smaller market means greater risk. At this point, the lender, now acting as a mortgage broker, reached out to another broker who had an interested lender in California. This new broker-lender duo moved extremely quickly, did due diligence, and communicated effectively throughout the process. In the end, the down payment worked out to be about 20% of the whole project (about the same terms as Broker B had offered). Broker A passed along the documentation wed accrued thus far, and we moved forward with the deal. The California lender asked me for a few more things, which I sent the same day. A conference call with the lender helped answer outstanding questions about the appraisal, my background, and the property. The lender assured me he everything he needed to close in one week (which was the final, hard deadline). My lawyer said Id receive the closing documents before closing. One day before closing, the lender sent a list of things he needed in order to close the following day. Most were quick and easy to send, such as updated bank statements and proof that earnest money was being held in a trust account. However, two things would require some effort: A breakdown of the contractors quote by type and quantity of material, insurance costs, overhead, profit, etc.An enforceability letter from a lawyer in Canada, where my other property is located, allowing the US lender to go after my Canadian assets should I default on my US loan. I dropped everything for the remainder of the day and got to work. I immediately sent everything asked of me except the two items described above. My contractors office was closed that day, but with a few frantic phone calls, I put something together. The enforceability letter harder to come by. My flight to South Carolina for closing was delayed due to a big storm. The unfortunate weather provided me with enough time in the evening to make additional phone calls. Eventually, I remembered a childhood friend whose cousins had all became successful doctors, lawyers, and accountants. One of the cousins referred me to a friend of a friend who said he would put the letter together the following morning. At 1:40 p.m. the following day, I received the enforceability letter and sent it to the lender. The lender had promised to have the loan documents ready to be sent at the click of a button, and he followed through on that promise. Closing was scheduled for 3 p.m. I had one hour and 20 minutes to review 98 pages of documentation at a coffee shop and then drive to the closing at my lawyers office. Luckily, the loan documents matched up with the term sheet, so there were no issues there. Closing went ahead at 3 p.m. as scheduled. Even though the wire transfer didnt arrive from California in time for the closing, the large wire transfer I had sent the day before satisfied the seller enough to allow closing to take place (without knowing the final settlement amount, I had sent an overage). The seller agreed to pick up his check for the balance the following Monday. And with that, the deal closed.

Lessons Learned In the end, the deal went through. I now have a relationship with a solid lender and a few good mortgage brokers. Some things I did well, such as preparing documentation in advance and not relying on a single, unknown mortgage broker or lender (if I had, this deal certainly would have fallen through). That said, I could have closed the deal a lot sooner had I done a few things differently. Heres what I learned: If a lender offers terms drastically better than what others are offering, its probably too good to be true. Choose a more certain option.Get contractor quotes before taking your renovation estimate to the bankunless you are very experienced and youre doing the work yourself. Banks will want proper documentation.Dont rely on a single lender to finance the deal unless youve dealt with them before.Many mortgage brokers will tell you they can close a deal like this, but only some of them canand it will take time.Communicate well, and be available. When a bank asks for something, they need it as soon as possible in order to avoid slowing down the deal. Stay in touch with the bank and your broker to ensure you stay on the same page. Were republishing this article to help out our newer readers.

Have you ever done a deal that took multiple tries to get right? Share your stories in the comments section below. https://www.biggerpockets.com/renewsblog/6-37-units-hard-money