#yk i confessed to my middle school crush too lmao

[teddybeartoji]

omg i was thinking abt how i am the one who confesses first in almost all of my selfships lmao the only exception is with satoru bc he actually ends up confessing when he's... tipsy....... AAAAANYWAY otherwise it's always me. i just can't. i can't hold it in. i'm gonna explode if i don't spit it out. i will definitely wait a little while ofc ofc buuuut absolutely every single of my beloveds is the silent type. like c'mon i'm talking abt toji and suguru and shoko.... they're all taking their time they don't even know what they want at first lmao aaand then we have utahime who i just think would be a little too nervous to say it first. aaaaaand then we have dazai. bro. will he. ever. actually confess? he teases and he makes jokes and he will say 'ily' but i never know whether he means it or not omfg please just ask me to marry you already i can't take it anymore. wait and then sukuna...... yeaaaaaah i still gotta do it. and higuruma. omg wait.......... higu.......................... i feel like he's kinda like me,, like he'd just kinda blurt it out one day aaaaaaa omfg that's so refreshing:333333 aaaanyway i still love them all and i don't mind saying it first i just need them to know that i like love love them<3333333

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

ok we got more the gang dealing with their each f!greaser crush. Like they all like different girls- but how tf are they with them/about them

Pookie sorry for the wait I was at school!!!

❤️🖤❤️

Ponyboy Curtis

-ok so bro is sooo awkward, most out of the greasers

-he literally doesn’t know how to talk to you

-needs a pep talk and lesson from dally and johnny

-he would be down so bad tho

-struggling in classes? Free tutor!

-he would do little nice things for you though like always keeping a spare sharp pencil in hopes you’ll forget/lose yours to ask him

-memorized your schedule to “randomly” bump into you

-daydreams 24/7

-tells you all about his books and talks about characters that remind him of you

-I feel like when he finally confesses he’d just do it thoughtlessly

-“You know how much I like you?”

-literally out of the blue and then instantly regret it until you grin

-“Ponyboy, you’re so smart. Yet so stupid. I like you too.”

Johnny Cade

-soooocute

-he’s also a daydreamer

-well, more like night dreamer?

-before going to sleep in the lot he thinks about you holding him or just you in general

-so cute tbh

-absolutely a secret keeper no one knows but him

-he blushes whenever you talk to him

-he gets really flustered trying to talk to you

-I feel like he’s the type to do secret admirer

-when he finally gets the guts to ask you out he would 10/10 pass a note

-“I really, really like ya y/n. Do you like me? Y or N (circle one)”

-biggest grin on his face when you pass him back the note circled “Y” with a heart ❤️

Sodapop Curtis

-totally a flirt

-gives you discounts on gas station stuff

-whenever you come to the gas station charm goes up 10000%

-he’s the type to go home and at dinner be like

-“GUYS today she asked me for the TIME!”

-“no way”

-“WAY”

-he’s literally that one audio

-he asks you out straight up and gives you a sweet smile when you say yes

-passes you his number on your receipt/piece of paper to make plans

Darry Curtis

-wouldn’t want his brother around you until it was official

-finds them embarrassing in front of you 💀

-one time you complimented his cologne and he hasn’t stopped wearing it since

-he always tries to look nice for you, I feel like he takes extra care of his appearance

-I feel like he would try to come off cool

-I feel like it would fail so hard lmao

-I feel like after he failed you’d give him a little kiss on the cheek like Darry you big dork

-and he’d grab your hand and look you in the eyes

-“You know, I like you, Y/n. Really like you.”

Dallas Winston

-ok we’ve seen this shit

-cocky bastard 10/10

-he flirts upfront

-hits on you everytime

-also casually so fucking vulgar

“If you ever wanna sit that fine ass on my-“

“DALLY!”

-catcall vibes 💀💀😭

-literally the most obvious guy ever

-I feel like you’d play hard to get

-yk keep his ego checked

-but I feel like you’d need to make it clear you were looking for committed

-and at first, he wouldn’t be into it, but over time realize… he really doesn’t want to break your heart

-when you finally go on a date you end up making out first date 💀👍❤️

Two Bit Mathews

-he does stupid shit to impress you fr

-whatever he thinks you’ll like him to do hes alr on it

-shoplifts stuff for you that he thinks you’ll like

-cracks jokes fr

-he tries to woo you with humor so hard

-it does work

-I feel like he would actually try to tell you he likes you through a joke

-and actually get kinda flustered in anticipation

-“what has two thumbs and likes a cute girl named

y/n? *says quietly* This guy…”

-you giggle and kiss his cheek

-“Me too, dummy. I like you too, two.”

Steve Randle

-he’s definitely more flirty

-he flirts with you fsfs

-I feel like it’s not quite as charming as Soda, not quite as vulgar as Dally

-smack dab in the middle

-fixes your car for you and is always suggesting you come there for free repairs

-TOTALLY not so he can just talk to you and be around you in general

-he would whistle to you tho “lookin good there baby”

-when he finally confesses I feel like he would be a bit nervous and tries to hide it so much he tells you completely stone faced 💀

-“I-Uh… I like you.”

-such a serious voice 💀😭👍

-but he gives you a smile (rare for him) whenever you say that you like him back

-I can’t stress this enough… FREE HANDYMAN!

[nami-moittli]

Okay, since [3] people liked my post, here’s the charts for my

Though, I will admit, I feel like the shojou influence may lessen after the first group, but oh well. It’s the drama filled romance twst AU.

So, the freshman gang is the main one, along with the only one I bothered to add text in the image itself.

These guys are also the only ones who have any real semblance of a plot going on, and I imagine if this was an actual shojou romance anime, there’d be two seasons, so dynamics get changed and two more characters (Grim and Yuu!) get added into the mix. But I haven’t made that chart yet, so I won’t talk about it unless someone asks

Anyway, Ortho would be the main character here, as she was the reason why I decided to make this AU at all lol. (Btw, she’s 16 just like everyone else here, so don’t worry about it) Epel and her are best friends and as such I decided to give him his own side plot as well!

Since I wanted Ortho and Epel to already be established as best friends, I decided to mash their hometowns closer together, and I also wanted to make them know Vil for awhile too, so Idia, Ortho, Epel, Vil & Jack have all known each other since elementary. The others they only met in HS. Why? It’s probably a really prestigious one like in canon or smth, idk

Bc of this, Epel’s been crushing on Jack since, idk, elementary? Middle school? Awhile now, that’s for sure. Ortho’s been making fun of him for not being able to confess for years now, and he finally decided to ask him out in HS, but by the planned time comes, Oops! He likes Sebek now too! Ortho is understanding, but loves to make references to cringy manga and anime that have love triangles/harems in it. That is, until she falls for both Ace and Deuce, and suddenly Epel can have payback.

There’s definitely more to this, but that’s all I feel like writing about rn for them.

Onto the next ones!

Now this description will have less in it cause I definitely think of these guys the least, but I will say that one love square ends in two couples, and the other in polyamory, so,that’s fun!

Also, to balance out the gender ratio, Jade and Floyd are Jade and Floyd, Riddle, Kalim, Azul, Jamil & Ruggie are all girls. Silver can be the token guy. Or I could change my mind and make her a girl. Idk.

I do have a bit more to say about the juniors tho!

First off, I didn’t know where to fit in Cater & Trey, so they’re kinda just in the background. Maybe Trey & Vil had smth but now Trey and Cater are dating? Idk, but they’re here!

Anyway, back to the exes, yk how I said that Vil, Jack, Idia, Ortho & Epel all knew each other? Yeah, back in middle school, Idia and Vil dated for, around a (school) year (plus summer) I wanna say? Maybe a bit less than that. But in their freshman year they broke up, leaving them not really speaking, then about two weeks later Vil and Leona started dating, so that just kinda rubbed salt in the wound for Idia and he went back to staying in his room 24/7 again. Though he does show up at school more often than his canon counterpart does, I feel. Simply bc this is supposed to be a no magic AU, so flying tablets are a bit harder to get from class to class with lmao

Anyway, after who knows how long, maybe for like 6 months or so? Vil and Leona break up. Not sure how long after that, maybe a month, little more than that? Anyway, then Leona and Malleus date for like, a week? Idk, Leo & Mal remind me of two middle school boys who hate each other, so do with that as you will lol

Second year maybe you could fit in the Trey thing but idk. Anyway, Vil & Rook have been going strong since then, and Idia’s recently gained a crush on Malleus. Shenanigans ensue

The only other thing I’ll note is that Lilia doesn’t attend school with his kids, maybe he’s a teacher? Part-time substitute? Idk, but just like in canon he’s Mal & Silver’s dad (and Sebek’s too lol) and online friends with Idia. So that’s fun!

Anyway, that’s all for now, if anyone wants to know more, feel free to ask!

[runin-reads]

How the National Japan team flirt with Iwaizumi

ATSUMU —> As soon as he sees Iwa for the first time, mf is on his knees like “owie 🥺my ankle hurts. If only 👀 Iwaizumi Hajime (27) athletic trainer👅😳 were here to help...” like its okay tsumu, the rest of us are like that too. 😌Will post pics of Iwa on private story like “mine knows how to lift 🥵” but won’t say shit in real life until much later on, because believe it or not when he gets serious about someone, mans does NOT know how to flirt. Overall very theatric and Iwa notices straight away lmao. It also helps that Atsumu vaguely reminds him of oikawa, so Iwa takes all of this in stride, remaining unbothered (ugh king 😩👑 ) stutters over his confession, does it in front of people to make a statement. People clown his crush on Iwa the most PFFT.

USHIJIMA —> I feel like after the very canon, very real fling in California, he’s confident in his abilities to get along with him. He’s also very straightforward and unashamed. Will straight up say “Are you free tonight? I would like to take you out to dinner” in the middle of practice whilst Iwa’s bandaging someone up like 🧍‍♂️🩹 and Toshi’s just there like 🧍‍♂️🗿💐 in other words:

KAGEYAMA —> has known Iwa for the longest and has probably crushed on him in middle school. Even to this day I think his admiration remains, so he’s constantly asking Iwaizumi for feedback on his actions, and asking him for tips on how to prevent injuries etc. LOVES getting head pats, that’s probably his love language ngl. Confesses confidently whilst struggling to ease his nerves: “I-Iwaizumi San? Do you want to stay behind to help me practice?” Doesn’t even ask him to do on a date lol, volleyball IS the date. PERIODT TOBIO-CHAN!! 😤💅

HINATA —> similar to Komori since he’s always talking to everyone around him and being friendly. However 😏😏 he spent 2+ years in Brazil 🇧🇷 for what exactly? He KNOWS how to flirt and he’s confident about it too! Very smooth talker, iwa won’t realise hes building up to a pick up line until it hits him, and when it does everyone’s like 🤭😧😳 and hinata’s like 😊🤗☀️. I also feel like he flirts with his eyes. As in you’ll know he’s into someone when he gives that that intense look he usually saves for volleyball. Very straightforward confession, doesn’t care if they’re alone: “hey Iwaizumi San? Wanna go back to my place? Maybe grab some food? :D”

SAKUSA —> he does it ✨respectfully✨ he keeps his distance and admires from a far for a while. Catches feelings after Iwa treats an injury he has. Flirts by asking for his opinion on basically everything and constantly asks for advice on how to improve his volleyball plays and is eager to learn about Iwa and his profession, so asks a lot of questions about Iwa too. That’s his idea of flirting lmao, showing a lot of interest and respecting their ideas.

BOKUTO —> constantly impressed by every little thing Iwa does!! “Wow that’s so cool!!” “I’m literally just adding a bandaid but thank you”. He flirts by telling Iwa about everything that happens in his life and always invites him to hang out after practice etc. I can imagine hovering over Iwa to watch in amazement as he does the most simplest things . “I’m washing my hands, why are you watching?” “I need to make sure Im doing it properly!!”

ARAN —> Idk much about him, but I do know he’s a massive gentleman!! Will offer constant help to Iwa whether it be fetching spare towels, propping someone up whilst Iwa diagnoses their injury etc! (Ugh we love a respectful man! Iwa chan what else that brain do? 👅💦) Asks Iwa to talk in private and asks him to have food/coffee with him, and with a shy smile as well! (Wow look at him go 😊😊)

YAKU —> SUAVE MF lmao. You CANNOT look at his new hairstyle and tell me that he WOULDN’T be good at flirting, dude please- he’d probably pull his sunglasses 😎😉down his nose and give a long once over before licking his lips and rubbing his ands and- okay he isn’t a complete playboy. 😳 anyways he starts conversations easily with Iwa and slips in teasing jokes to see his reaction, before shooting his shot once they’re alone. “So are you free this weekend?” And he says this whilst looking over the top of his sunglasses, sir please 😩✋

HOSHIUMI —> EXCITED BOI!! 😤😆Eagerly asks if he needs assistance, works extra hard during practice to show off. Probably asks iwa to go to the gym with him because he’s so excited to become his friend! Confesses loudly, probably in private. The nerves cause him to shout out his confession: “I-Iwaizumi Hajime san! I like you okay?!” And he lowkey startled Iwa with his yelling lmao, baby 🥺🥺

KOMORI —> honestly I feel like he doesn’t even come off as very flirtatious until he straight up winks at Iwa after telling a joke. Lmao. He’s just very friendly to everyone so when he goes from 😊 to 😉😏 everyone’s like “....AYO🔈WE AIN’T EVER DID THAT BEFORE 🔈WHY YOU THOUGHT TODAY WAS GOOD?!🔈” lMAO please they’d be so caught off guard. 💀I think he’s the type to make small talk about anything when he’s interested in someone yk. He’ll do it in the middle of practice too right after a receive like “hey, New Years is coming up, you got plans?” and Iwa’s just there like ??? There’s another ball coming to you? Are you not gonna get it or... and then Iwa receives it which causes every bodies jaws to DROP, and komori falls even deeper because liberos just work like that. 🤪 (okay Iwa chan 😩) lowkey shy when he confesses🥺 he laughs a lot to ease his nerves

GAO —> AYO 🔇 WHO LET THE HIMBO OUT? 😹😹 LOCK HIM UP!! 🔇 okay but seriously this man tries cracking jokes with Iwa nearby and no one but Hoshiumi cracks up. Despite him being confident he’d confess in private because having a crush makes him pretty shy, believe it or not.

HYAKUZAWA —> very quiet 🥺 he would rather watch from afar, and when he confesses he does it with a lot of determination in his heart! (You got this hyaku!!) we don’t see much of him, but I just know he doesn’t shoot his shot until much, much later.

Bonus!! How kuroo would flirt with Iwaizumi

[zhuhongs]

Okay, yall know the deal, long post reflection time. Post under read more, but feel free to read or ignore. I don’t mind either way, these are just an amalgamation of thoughts i’ve had for a while and I want to post them in a semi public place. 

I think a lot of what I post on here is a testament that I'm alive. That my thoughts don’t just exist inside of me. That even though my thoughts and personal posts are usually incredibly specific to my situation, the lessons that they have taught me are quite universal and can be applied to so many people's lives. I think I post these things, as opposed to just keeping them in my google docs, as proof that I’m not alone. My thoughts aren't just a fever dream and my pain isn’t just mine. At our core people are all very much the same. It’s not a bad thing. If anything, it's incredibly comforting. When I was younger, i used to be fiercely individualistic. Convinced that my suffering was uniquely my own and no one could have an inkling of an idea of what I was going through. I know that’s not true. 

I realize I often refer to “when I was younger” as if i’m not still pretty young. It might seem odd, really i’m only twenty. But I think back a lot of growing up and what got me to this point, because the lessons there are what have made me, me. And I’m currently really content with who I am, and I think further self reflection will only make me happier. 

That was a really long winded intro that I didn’t even mean to write…. I was going to talk about something else entirely. Lmao okay.

Anyways what I wanted to write about was about confessions. I’ve been thinking about all my past relationships a lot bc most of them I had at the beginning of the year so inevitably this time makes me think about those people. Also last night i was talking to an irl of mine about her kinda destructive unrequited crush on this guy shes known for 2.5 years. ANd like it's all bc she wanted a rebound crush to get over her ex gf and now it's been 2 years and it's gotten nowhere. Nd he doesn’t like her and only views her as a friend and she knows that he won’t like her and also that she doesn’t like him, but a version of him that she created in her head and shes annoyed bc it's been so long and she doesn’t kmnow how to continue like this bc it's painful. 

And personally, i’m not much help. I’m really the type of person who would just say it even though I know i will be rejected and things could get awkward and we grow apart. I’ve been in these situations and I always confess. Idk i have this kinda personal rule that if I like someone, I need to be the one to say it. I don’t want that person to EVER confront me and be like “hey, i know you like me and ….” because that is mortifying. And conversly, I would NEVER  do that to someone. It's so presumptuous and mean spirited and just not necessary unless it's like uncomfortable yk. But that's rare and far between and never happened to me. 

I’ve made it a rule to tell someone how I really feel at some point down the line at least. If I have liked you, you will know. I truly do think that people should know how you felt about them, in your own words, not just words from others. I don’t think, however, you should say it as soon as you feel it. Oftentimes, confessing when your emotions are too high, especially negative emotions of self doubt and of rejection, is self destructive. Sometimes, telling someone how you feel is selfish. SOmetimes, that person isn’t in the right state of mind to hear those things. Telling them that you like them and knowing they don’t feel the same may make them feel guilty beyond belief given the situation. And sometimes that person will date you because they feel obligated to and leave you both worse off for it. I know this because I’ve been in both situations and knowing how bad they can suck, I’ve decided on a middle ground. Because I need to tell people how I feel and because I am also considerate of how they may react, I usually confess when i’m removed from the situation. WHen both of us are in a place where we won’t get hurt too badly. Like I confessed to everyone I liked in high school back to back during the last week because it was safe. If they didn’t like me, it wasn’t gonna complicate anything. They didn’t have to see me again. And if they did like me, then cool, we were going to be in college and make things work as semi adults. That's great.

When I do things like this, it often hurts a bit. Because in the process of being considerate of others, I'm holding my own emotions in. I wish there was a less explosive way of liking people. Though for me at this current moment, i don't think that's possible. It’s not bad. I think there's a strange sense of personal satisfaction. A selfish feeling that I’m a good person because I am not hurting others at the expense of myself. In a way, it's beautiful and admirable. Except it’s really not. One day I need to rectify this part of myself with my own self love but that day will come when i’ve grown up a bit more. At my current state I think a little bit of heartache can be good. It builds character. No one needs to know my pain though. Again, if anyone knew all of that, it may make them burdened and when i truly care about someone the last thing I want them to see me as is a burden. I never want to be anyones burden to bare. Be blunt with me, don’t say anyth

I can’t say that my current methods of communication are the most healthy but I think they’re far better than they were just two years ago. I’ve learned a lot and I will continue to learn. I don’t feel like this much recently. I really don’t feel anything at all. It concerns me a lot. But I think when love is ready for me, i’ll find it. I don’t need to rush and for now I can just sit back and grow and give love. It will come back when it wants to. You can’t force anything or anyone. That’s why I don’t push my friends to act like me and just confess. It's a personal rule. I like to do it because I’ve never once regretted saying things. I’ve only regretted my timing. I’m looking to perfect that soon. But life really is too short to not say what you want to say. I’ve learned it a little too hard. So I will go forward and love and say and bea little too much because that is what stays. No one will remember my silent aching and hesitating. They’ll remember someone too flustered, saying something they really meant with good intentions, even if the execution is sloppy. That’s okay. ALl I want is to be remembered. Selfishly, I want to live on in people's hearts. Even if it’s just as the girl you didn’t like, but told you she liked you. And that for once, someone had you as their first choice in their mind. No matter how fleeting. I think that alone is beautiful. That alone is worth ist. I don’t care how laughable it is and how unsightly I may seem. I will do these things to prove to myself that i’m alive. To prove that i’m allowed to be selfish at least a little bit. I’m allowed just a little piece of someone's mind, aren’t I? At my core, I think that to be loved is simply to be remembered. That is all I need.

[thedegenerateasexual]

the last of let’s talk about love under the cut, chapters 27-34 + the epilogue:

chapter 27:

v v short, just a visit to the therapist again where she tells him about coming out

chapter 28: 

alice went to her parents wioth the law school thing and told them she wanted to change majors and they...cut her off financially

that was not what i was expecting and not what she was expecting either god damn

she went to takumi’s to be sad and

“What about a weekend away? Forget about everything for a few days and relax. How do you feel about camping?”

“I feel like I’m not going to like it.” She rested her head on his shoulder.

He traced the bridge of her nose. “In a cabin, not a tent.”

“I feel like I might like it.”

lmao mood

“I’m not going to sleep with people to make them happy anymore. It’s kind of my thing, but I don’t want it to be.”

“Wait, he asked to have sex with you?”

“No, but if things went well, he would have. Eventually.”

“He might not,” he said. “You don’t really know what someone will say until you tell them.”

That … was not what she expected him to say. Her admission should have gotten her a solemn nod, meaningful condolences, and a promise that she’d find someone someday.

Did he really care that she was self-rejecting? Or …

Or …

Or …

OR!!!! i’m dying

“It seems easier to just not date,” she began, watching for any change in his demeanor. “Sex is too much a part of everything, and I don’t think it’s reasonable to tell my partner I don’t ever want to sleep with them and expect them to stick around. I’m not saying they wouldn’t agree. I personally am not okay with asking. And I’m not saying I wouldn’t want to try again someday, but I don’t want them to have the expectation that I will. It has to be my choice and a lot of people don’t respect that.”

She stared at his profile so hard she thought her eyes would cross. She prayed he would say the Perfect Thing.

please i’m losing it

He said nothing. Alice waited and waited, watched the way his fingers gripped the steering wheel, the way his thumb tapped to the soft music. He looked in the rearview mirror at the sleeping twins in their car seats, out his side mirrors when he changed lanes, but never at her. Not even a glance.

Maybe she shouldn’t have told him that.

She always told him everything, but she should not have told him that.

Not yet.

NOOOO what that’s the end of the chapter???

i guess in all fairness he can’t say “i’ll date you and we can never ever have sex if you want and i’ll always be OK with that” in like full honesty without, you know, really thinking about what that would be like, and it’s not a good idea to promise something if you don’t know if you can make good on it, and sex is super important to some people (??? i know but it is) so

chapter 29:

all takmui/alice hangouts at their camping cabin. alice decided to get drunk and He, A Gentleman, refused to also get drunk, just to make sure nothing untoward would happen. i lvoe him

chapter 30:

They stared at each other. Alice blinked first, but her eyes didn’t make it back to his. She focused on his smile, his lips, not wanting to kiss them; rather she wanted to touch them to see if they were as soft as they looked. The dangers of drunk-thinking could end in disaster. Her hand was halfway to his mouth when he asked, “Do you want to watch a movie?”

HE’S A GENTLEMAN i’m cryin

He gave her a funny look. “You like romance? In real life?”

“Of course I do. How do you not know this about me?”

Takumi laughed, turning away to look out the window for a moment. “I’m trying to figure something out and it’s not making sense to me.”

“Okay.” She willed herself not to be nervous.

“Before, you said ‘bisexual minus the sexual’ but didn’t add in a substitute. So if you don’t care about sex, what do you care about?”

“Ah,” she said, pleased by the question.

be still my beating heart i can’t believe he’s ASKING QUESTIONS where do people like this COME from

semi-related note i like that the book didn’t end with her coming out and them dating and it’s all rainbows, they still have a little poking to do, some understandings to come to, it’s Nice

“And for the record, I don’t believe in true love either, but I think it’s possible to feel like it could be real. That it’s possible to share something that feels that way with someone.”

The skeptical look on his face made her laugh without humor.

“And I think it’s possible to feel that way more than once. Sometimes even with more than one person at a time. Feelings are messy and confusing. It takes me a god-awful long time to sort through mine and I don’t always completely trust myself.”

i’m telling you dude. aces overthink shit. this is almost universally true i’m sure

about prom:

She didn’t know how to explain that, yes, her friends had been great, but going alone wasn’t in the plan. Every movie and show she had seen portrayed it as this big romantic event and she’d missed out on that because nobody asked her and she had been too afraid to ask anyone else. She wanted to wear her dress, get a corsage, and slow dance. It was stupid and archaic, but that didn’t stop her from wanting it like burning. If she thought about it too much, she could still feel that crushing hope that grew each day while she waited to be asked and that pervasive fear stopping her from asking anyone.

what a mood! i could type a thousand-word essay on my baggage re: school dances ALONE. at least alice got to GO to prom

OH my god alice is like still a lil tipsy and her brother called to yell at her about changing her major and he clocked that she was both drunk and hanging with “a grown-ass man” because “you have 2 friends and if you were with them you would have said their names and was immediately furious and demanded to speak to takumi

and alice, in a total power move, just HANDED HIM THE PHONE

“Yes—I’ll keep that in mind. Not that you could stop me if I wanted to, but I hear you.”

Her eyebrows slapped her hairline. She grabbed his hand, pulling it to her chest. “Wanted to what?”

Takumi squeezed her hand. Smiling, he looked at Alice and said to her brother, “No. You really couldn’t.” He hung up the phone. “That was fun.”

I BET I CAN GUESS WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT

listen. /I/ have a crush on takumi. he’s literally the perfect man

chapter 31:

FEENIE AND ALICE FINALLY MADE UP THANK FUCK

tbh feenie had some legit beef that is too long to copypasta - that alice was just using her for self defense - and admitted she had some bs going on too - it was a good make-up, actually. i’m so relieved

yk what’s cute?

“I really want us to grow old together, you know? Go through all the typical life stuff together even if that means we can only e-mail each other once a week because you moved to the middle of nowhere in Nebraska with your ten kids and I’m still in California because it’s amazing. Just like in that one movie—we’ll never lose touch with each other, ever. Is that weird?”

“No,” Feenie said. “It’s perfectly fucking normal.”

god bless

now that they’re back together feenie is ready to murder alice’s entire family for ditching her and helps her get a gameplan together about her future with no financial aid from her folks & god bless that too

chapter 32:

He watched the road.

She watched him.

God, did Alice want to kiss him. She had always liked kisses, small ones here and there. She wanted to kiss his cheeks and temples and the tip of his nose and his jaw and below his ear and every other place he would let her. She wanted to kiss him like he was the darkest night sky and her lips had the power to make stars.

AWWW she does like kissing well more power 2 u honey kissing is disgusting but live ur best life

omg it’s CONFESSION TIME

“So now would be a good time to say something,” she said when he continued to be silent.

“I’m trying. I’m just”—he paused—“I’m a little floored here.”

“I guess that means no.” She bit her lip.

“No. I mean, I’m not saying no.” More pausing. “I think I’m trying to say I need some time to think about this.”

“About me?”

“Yeah. And about us being an us. How that would work.”

Oh No ):

i was so sure he would be good!!!

“It’s just you’ve made your stance, I guess, pretty clear on things.”

A nervous quiver began to build in the pit of Alice’s stomach. “Oh. That.” She lowered her head. Her fingers toyed with the collar of her shirt when really they wanted to curl into a fist and press against the pain in her chest. But she didn’t want him to see.

“I remember what you said,” he said softly. “I don’t know if it’s something I could give up.” He closed his eyes, hands out in front of him as if he were reaching for the perfect combination of words to break her heart. Alice waited—wanting to hear it, wanting to run, wanting, wanting, always waiting and wanting.

IF HE FUCKS THIS UP I AM GONNA ZAP MYSELF INTO THIS BOOK AND KILL HIM fuck obviously he’s not obligated but C’MON!!!

“i’ve been reading everything that i could“ bye that is so thoughtful

An eerie calm settled over Alice. Every time this happened, she felt her pain with bone-shattering clarity, but this time—nothing. There was nothing. A numbness, surreal but true, made her heart keep beating at a steady rhythm, kept her breathing even, and allowed her to look at him. She watched him fidget and struggle, unsure where to look, what to do with his hands. Was he shaking from nerves or from worry?

Neither of them believed in forever, but for now wasn’t nearly long enough. Until he grew tired, until he moved on, until he left her because of something she had no control over. The thought of pretending, of faking her way through whatever kind of relationship he wanted, made her sick to her stomach. She had to be the one to leave him.

NO!!!!! goddammit!!

“It’s fine. It’s fine.” She inhaled, nodding and staring out the windshield at nothing. “It was my mistake. I should’ve asked and not assumed that you’d be okay with me as is.” She turned to him. “Let’s just forget the whole thing, okay? Everything.”

i’m gonna lose all my shit what the absolute FUCK how are they gonna fix this in 2 chapters

chapter 33, which had better be BETTER:

AWWWW it’s actually a phone call between alice and her dad!! he had a change of heart & agreed to pay for rent and groceries as long as she was in school doing SOMETHING bc he loves her and wants her to be happy ;_;

chapter 34, i’m dying, how will they fix it in one chapter:

“I wish it felt like this stupid, small thing I could crush in my hand, but it doesn’t. I wish it were some line in the sand that I could hop, skip, and jump over, but it’s not. It matters to him enough that the only thing he could say to me was that he cares, which you know, comparatively, wasn’t even that bad, but I can’t stop crying, because I’m pretty sure my heart’s breaking in there.

“A year ago, I would have said whatever. Sure. Yeah. Okay. But not now. Because I really, really like him, he knows everything, and he couldn’t answer me, because it matters enough to make him pause. Just that one stupid, small thing.”

she’s talking about her “breakup” with takumi and she’s miserable but yk what? it’s so good that she’s still not willing to budge and sleep with him just because she wants to be with him. it’s not like an admission fee. she likes him a lot but she’s done compromising herself w/ that line and i’m so proud of her for that

“I’m sorry about what I said the other night. I’m not perfect, but sometimes it really feels like you’re expecting me to be. I know I messed up, but refusing to talk to me isn’t fair. I’d never even heard of asexuality before I met you.”

Alice turned so fast she got a crick in her neck. “Will you hush?” She clamped a hand over his mouth,

sdfksghdkfgj fuck

altho fair point even i have called him perfect like 800 times. he’s trying hard & that’s what matters

oh my god so alice is like look im sorry but i like you too much we cannot be friends and he’s like yeah i think that’s true we can’t be and so she, tearfully, is like: that’s that then! and then he, wonderful man that he is:

“Except it’s not.” He grasped her wrist, rubbing his thumb gently over her pulse point. “I could say that I knew as soon as I saw you that I was doomed. I could say that I fell in love with you the morning after you fell asleep in my guest room and we got into a pillow fight when I tried to wake you up. I could say that when I was sick and you took care of me, almost asking you to marry me sounded like the greatest idea I’d ever had. I could say that every day I don’t talk to you, I feel like I’m dying a slow, melodramatic death.”

Alice stared at him, eyes wide, mouth agape. That kind of declaration was the bread and butter of romance movies, and it was for her.

IS HTIS SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE SHE TOLD HIM SHE LIKED ROMANCE MOVIES oh my god

OH MY GOD

I

JUST 

SCREAMED

ok ok so he kisses her and then starts to kiss her again and then FREEZES

Inches away, eyes locked onto hers, he stopped moving. Alice pressed her lips together, anxious to get out of that frozen stance, but unsure of what to do. Didn’t he want to kiss her again? She wanted him too. What was he waiting for?

Takumi subtly raised his eyebrows.

(A question for her?)

(Oh. Oh.)

Now was probably the wrong time to tease him, but … “You didn’t ask first.”

“I realized that. I’m sorry,” he whispered back, words tickling her skin. “I’d like to kiss you again.”

“I’d like that, too. Yeah.”

I AM WAILING HE ASKED IF HE COULD KISS HER ARE YOU KIDDING ME

i take it back, he’s still perfect

i love this. romance novels for aces. make this a thing! straight women’s wish fulfillment is all that bodice-ripping ravishment BS and aces just want to be asked if it’s A-OK to smooch

She kissed him with everything she had and borrowed what she didn’t.

what a wonderful sentence

On the list of things Alice loved about Takumi, touching him was definitely in the top five. Resolutely she added kissing him to that list. Kisses were not supposed to be like this. They were nice and soft and made her feel warm inside, special, when done right, but were overly wet and vomit inducing when they weren’t. Kisses had never left her with her chest heaving and desperate for more moments like this. She never wanted to stop. She never wanted this kiss to end.

THIS IS REAL...alice understands the struggle.......literally i did gag once during a kiss they are patently Awful

“I already apologized, but I want to do it again, because I truly am sorry that I said what I did. I was too flustered to think properly and instead of taking the time to think like I knew I should have, I tried to answer you right away. I know what I want to say now.”

oh boy

“The reason why I hesitated wasn’t because of sex itself. You were spot on before. Sex is like jogging. Either you enjoy doing it or you don’t. To me, and this is just me, it’s the feeling that I care about—what sex is supposed to represent.”

“And that’s what to you?”

“If you felt the same way as I feel about you, you would want to have sex with me. You would think of me as someone worthy of your passion and desire, and you would show me how you feel physically. Not just with words but with action and urgency,” he continued, “but you don’t and for the most part, I understand. That’s not a part of who you are and I know that doesn’t mean that you don’t have other feelings for me. The thing is, that feeling that you can’t give me? It’s important to me. And I can’t apologize for feeling that way or for wanting it.”

TAKUMI....

oh my god

“This morning it finally clicked. I was thinking of sex, actually having sex, as the Holy Grail, and when I got frustrated, I tried to look at it from a different point of view and I realized something else.

“No one has ever complimented me as much as you do. Every day. All day. I could show up wearing a burlap sack and a tinfoil hat and you’d probably tell me how avant-garde and handsome I looked. You genuinely listen to what I have to say and value my opinion. You tell me I’m wonderful and talented and amazing—”

Alice didn’t mean to laugh—it bubbled out of her before she could stop it. She tilted her head to the side, looked at him, and said, “Because you are.”

“When you thought I didn’t want you, you started to cry,” he said. Alice tried to memorize the gentle look in his eyes as he spoke. “I watched you lower your head, clutch the front of your shirt, and try to smile because you didn’t want me to see how much what I was saying hurt you, because you do desire me. You wanted me so much that me saying no caused you actual pain. The thought of me only caring about not being able to have sex with you hurt because you thought I knew how much you wanted me.”

“For the record, I didn’t cry in the car. I cried in the shower.”

“It was still because of me.” He raised their joined hands and kissed the backs of hers. “It’s the same thing. Whether you’re so overwhelmed you can’t keep your hands off me or you’re crying because you think I don’t want you, it’s the same thing. It comes from the same place. That’s desire. That’s passion. You’ve never held back how you feel about me.”

AREY OU KIDDING ME...lmao i am crying again fully i can’t believe this

i have literally...never once in my entire 12ish years of struggling with this...thought of it that way

not one single solitary time. wow. i love this book. this is the best book ever, dumb fandom references and all

“Thank you,” she whispered, wiping away a rogue tear. She hadn’t realized she’d been waiting for someone, anyone, to say that to her. She knew it was true, of course, but sometimes hearing it out loud made all the difference in the world. “For saying that. Thank you.”

“It’s the truth.” He wiped away another of her traitorous tears with his thumb. “If we take away everything—there’s just you and me, nothing else, I see us together. Stripped down to the core, being with you is what I want because I’m in love with you. If we never had sex, I would still want to be with you because you’re in my heart, too. Just laughing, dancing, and twirling in circles, and I know that sounds weird as hell, but you are. And it’s important to me that you know that.”

STOPPP i’m like boo-hooing i can’t believe this

“So it would make you happy if we had sex?”

“I’m happy now.”

“Fine. You’d be happier, then?”

“Alice, we’ve been dating for five minutes. We have plenty of time to figure out what’s best for us.”

(DATING.)

bless her and bless him too

“Being in a relationship takes actual effort to be successful,” he said. “Not just talking, but listening, being honest, respecting each other, and compromise, you know, those kinds of things. That’s why people say make sure to marry your best friend because once the honeymoon is over? Nothing will save you if the foundation is shitty. But us? Me and you? We don’t have anything to worry about. We got this.”

“Okay.” She breathed. “Okay. I think that’s it.”

“It?”

“Yes. Yeah.” She kissed him.

It wasn’t the Perfect Thing, but it was real and honest and damn it, she’d take that any day.

THAT’S IT!!!!!

HTIS BOOK IS SO GOOD EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THIS ABOUT ROMANCE

okay and also there is an EPILOGUE:

SHE’S SURPRISING HIM FOR THEIR ANNIVERSARY sdfkljs

“We’re still doing this every month? I thought six was the big one for you?”

“Yes, until we hit one year, and then I’ll stop being quite so extra. Not a lot though. Just a little. No promises.”

It had been seven glorious months.

(SEVEN.)

SIX IS THE BIG ONE FOR HER AND THEY MADE IT SEVEN!!!!

Getting Feenie and Takumi in the same room had taken weeks of machinations and failed attempts. Everything had finally come together on Thanksgiving. Takumi had volunteered to cook, Feenie refused to acknowledge his presence, but right before grabbing a third helping of his macaroni and cheese, she had looked at him, and said, “You hurt Alice, I hurt you. Are we clear? And pass the cranberry sauce. Please.”

(Alice had nearly fainted when she got her wedding invitation. It had been addressed to her and Takumi.)

i’ll allow feenie to be the good egg again

awww and her mom called and things are getting back to normal with them too, takumi’s even gonna meet them!

and then the v last lines:

“I know you make me happy,” he said, seconds away from falling asleep. “I know you love me.”

“I know you love me, too.”

and that’s that

overall review: i fuckin...love this book...it cuts you right to the core and doesn't mess around and the characters are so real and layered and imperfect and messy, and i can’t believe this is this author’s debut novel, like Damn. it is so good, and she is so brave for putting it all out there like that. best book ever 9.5/10 (half a point off for making me think about supernatural, but otherwise: perfect.)