#yet never followed my own advice lmaooo

[interact-if]

Day 2 of Pride Month interviews! You know them, you love them…. give it up for Ames!

Ames, author of Attollo and Metamorphosis

Pride Month Featured Authors

“…and it was a singular, terrible thought, which burrowed itself into your mind like an engorged maggot. This was not a man nor a monster. This was a concept, an ideology, a terrible myth, which had personified itself to stand before you now.You were, to put it simply, screwed.”

After several years of radio silence, you receive a message from your younger sibling that carries a strange sense of urgency to it. Either out of familial concern or boredom, you embark on a journey from your residence to your sibling’s apartment in New Hampshire to see what’s going on and, hopefully, be home before the weekend.

Too bad it’s never so simple.

Demo: Attollo, Metamorphosis (TBA)

Tags: cybernoir, thriller

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)

Q1: Tell us a little bit about your project(s)!

Attollo is a cyber-noir horror set in a walled city off the coast of the Atlantic that’s been a victim of a nuclear disaster. After several years of radio silence, you receive a message from your younger sibling that carries a strange sense of urgency to it. Either out of familial concern or boredom, you embark on a journey from your residence to your sibling’s apartment in New Hampshire to see what’s going on and, hopefully, be home before the weekend. Too bad it’s never so simple. Attollo is a 17+ game that deals with heavy topics and a lot of moral questioning; from cults to corrupt government, it has no shortage of monsters in the dark—both metaphorical and literal.

Metamorphosis is a crime/horror story based in the world of crime scene cleanup, where there are three simple steps: Get the call, clean the scene, and don’t ask too many questions. These are the rules that you live by under the employment of Noctua’s Crime Scene Services, and you credit them for keeping you alive.

However, after a routine house call brings forth nightmares of memories that are not your own, you find yourself pulled deeper into Noctua—a city of both monster and man—in a bid to find out the truth behind the murder of Deirdre Callow, and better yet, how her memories came to be yours. Your job mandates that you don’t dig too deep—but could this finally be the exception?

Metamorphosis is 18+ and will have explicit content; follow the last moments of a stranger to find out not only who took her life, but how this connects to the underbelly that Noctua works so hard to hide.

Q2: Why interactive fiction? What drew you to the medium?

Lmaoo, oh man. I think it really all began last summer when I first found examples of interactive fiction. I don’t even remember how I came across it, it might’ve been that I saw it mentioned in a post or I saw it as a tag on Itch.io, but at some point, last summer I began to investigate it more. I think what really drew me in was the ability for the player to control the narrative; it was like playing an old RPG, but modernized, and the fact that I could see a story unfold that was influenced by my decisions was so fascinating to me. Not to mention that IF allows so much more character depth than regular novels, in my opinion.

I’m 99% sure my first exposure to interactive fiction was through the game Crème de la Crème (a fantastic game, by the way) and I just enjoyed it so much that I went haywire for the genre. Then Temple of the Endless Night came out (another fantastic game that I’m looking forward to!), and that was really the turning point for inspiring me to give it a go. Now, almost a year later, here I am working on my own two games!

Q3: Are your characters influenced by your identity? How?

My bisexuality doesn’t have much of a major influence on the game, but I do think it contributed to the way that I view and write relationships. I figured out my sexuality around high school (I kissed a girl in high school and found out I liked it just as much as when I kissed a boy) and since then I’ve been very involved in the LGBTQ+ community of both my hometown and uni town.

I think this involvement, like being able to hear about other people’s experiences and share my own, has made me feel a lot more comfortable writing some of the characters in the game. Although Attollo and Metamorphosis both don’t focus heavily on relationships (both have murder in them, which I feel is a bit more pressing), I do keep the option for any RO’s to be romanced by anyone, regardless of gender or preference, because that’s simply what I’ve become so attuned to. In terms of side characters relationships as well, I think my involvement and my own experiences have allowed me to write far more diverse relationships than I might have, and I think that this has also allowed a more fulfilling experience for players when reading through.

I also have incorporated some struggles that I’ve faced before because of my identity into the games. For example, I and a few others have faced issues with religion due to who we are, and I incorporate this into both games. Dreamwalker, Pariah, and Sysba from Attollo all have shadows of this experience in their character origins, and Ilali and Ariston from Metamorphosis has a major point involving identity and beliefs. Both games also have undertows of ostracization and division between groups, which is also something I’ve experienced in the past. Being able to grapple these moments and control them via a narrative has been eye opening for both myself and others involved, and I’m hoping it can be a learning experience for the readers as well.

Q4: What would you like to see more of in LGBT+ fiction?

I think, now, the amount of progress in LGBTQ+ fiction is expanding at a wonderful rate. There are so many interactive fictions with options to select sexuality, select gender, select beliefs, etc. However, despite this expansion, there’s still a good deal of backlash against some aspects of LGBTQ+ fiction.

For example, as a bisexual woman who has dated men, I know there are some individuals who may not consider me a part of the LGBTQ+ because of this aspect. Not only is this incredibly disheartening, but it’s a viewpoint that I think should be educated against, and fiction is a fantastic pathway to do this. Another example I can think of is a friend of mine who identifies as asexual but is sex-neutral rather than sex-repulsed. Most people can’t believe her when she says this, and she often faces backlash for this declaration as well. This is another thing that I think that, with exposure through a medium such as fiction, can be worked on.

What I’m trying to say here is that I think LGBTQ+ fiction can be a brilliantly educational platform—if used right. Although it already teaches so much with what it has, I think having that representation of different subgroups of sexuality, of their experiences and beliefs, so people can become aware and knowledgeable of these options, is something I’d like to see more of.

Q5: What or who are some of your biggest inspirations?

Oh man, I struggled to list off inspirations because I know I have some, but as soon as someone asks me who they are my brain just goes ‘brrrrrr’ LMAO.

In terms of the games that I write and the worlds that I build, I think David Lynch and Robert Chambers are probably the two that I somehow incorporate. Attollo and Metamorphosis both have a lot of surrealist horror, which are what these two really specialized in. Shirley Jackson is also another person who inspired me a lot when it came to the writing and creation of Attollo, especially the intrapersonal relationships between the characters.

In terms of life, this is something else I really struggle to answer. I don’t really have celebrity inspirations or anything like that, but I do get inspired by my close friends and sister a lot. Seeing them go through the struggles that they face and absolutely thrive really drives me to push through my own struggles. They’re the strongest, most brilliant group of people that I know, and I consider myself incredibly fortunate that I can be a part of their lives. Not only that, but we also all collectively encourage each other to push further and to chase our dreams (as cheesy as that is LMAO) and that’s something that I think is another stroke of good fortune. I struck gold when I met them, and they’re some of the biggest inspirations in my life.

Q6: What’s a super vague spoiler for your current project?

For Attollo, I’d say ‘Home is where the heart is.’ For Metamorphosis, to quote John Berendt, ‘Always stick around for one more drink.’

Q7: Lastly, what advice would you give to your readers?

What advice would I give to you all? Oh my, I’m not exactly a wise woman here, but I’ll do my best to give you something lmaooo. I think what I really want you to walk away with, from both my stories and this interview, is that if you’re passionate about something, then share it with the world. Don’t let anyone deter your passion.

I remember listening to this painter once who commented to his friend how he ‘really liked painting’, and his friend’s first response was ‘but are you good at it?’. He then compared this to the scenario of walking; would you say, ‘but are you good at it?’ to someone who said, ‘I really like walking’? No, because it simply wouldn’t make sense, and it doesn’t make sense to say that to anyone who’s doing something out of passion.

To put it simply—if you love something, then don’t let anyone take that passion from you. I began writing these stories because I’m passionate about Attollo and Metamorphosis; I love each character, each bit of lore, and I share it with you because I want you all to enjoy it as well. Am I the best writer? God, no. Does everyone like what I write? Definitely not. But will I let this stop me from writing, from enjoying what I’m doing? Never, and I want you to do the same.

Explore your passions, embrace your passions, and let what makes you happy continue to do so

[stubbychaos]

Grateful For This Fandom And All Of You!

I initially wasn’t going to make a post like this because real life has been hectic as of lately, but 2020 has been one of the emotionally roughest years of my life, and the Mandalorian/Star Wars fandom has seriously lifted me up so much.

I know it sounds ‘cheesy’ or whatever to say a fandom has really saved you and while I’m still dealing with my own mental issues, having y’all to interact with seriously has uplifted me so much and I am so grateful to be able to have you guys in my life!! I want to say I started this blog around January, but didn’t really start posting around February or March because I was too shy, but everyone I’ve encountered has been so sweet and lovely!! Even though Saviin’ika is kind of my baby when it comes to fan fics, I don’t think I’ve written anything over 100k before and knowing that I have at least 100k more drafted out is absolutely insane to me--I’ve never written this much in my life and I’m so excited for what I have in store for y’all. I cannot absolutely wait to see how much it progresses and what new works I decide to work on it 2021!! I have so many fun ideas and the fact that this is one of my longest running fics makes me so excited!!

Anyways, here’s a small list of blogs that have seriously impacted my life this year, even if I haven’t interacted with them as much as I would have liked! *Not all of them are necessarily blogs that post fics!! Some are just super supportive of content creators or extremely talented artists that I admire!*

Because I feel like this is definitely going to get long because there’s so many of you that I love, I’m going to put this under a cut! Not everyone got a long shout out, but please know that I am utterly grateful for each and every one of you and I am always down to talk with every single one of my followers!!

@datmando WHERE DO I BEGIN CLOWN LMAOO. Christina is honestly a gem and I cannot get over how talented she is when it comes to both art and writing--it’s insane to me!! I think she is actually one of the first people to reach out to me (I think it was actually about my username if I remember correctly??) and I absolutely adore waking up and seeing that I have a message from her because I know she’s about to wreck me with her utter CLOWNERY lmaoo, whether it be something soft or angsty that she shares with me. Not to mention experiencing season 2 of Mandalorian with her was such a highlight of my year. Even though she doesn’t believe in wearing socks to bed, I guess she’s okay and I’ll keep calling her my friend, even if she makes makes fun of me for how I get so cold easily </3 also thanks for starting the Great Sock Debate of 2020 lmaooo🤡🤡

@aerynwrites  Aeryn is the biggest sweetheart ever and is so supportive and encouraging. She is also one of the first people to support my writing and I remember how I nearly cried when she told me that she had made a mood board for Saviin’ika because nobody has ever done anything like that for me before??? Anyways, her Knight!Din story is everything, along with her angsty Cassian fics, so please check her out!! She deserves all the love in the world and I genuinely enjoy talking to her!

@hdlynn Listen, I think Heather and Aeryn tie for the biggest sweetheart award!! Heather is like the queen of giving out such good writing advice and just how encouraging she is to write characters the way we feel like writing them is such a refresher!!! She has no qualms about breaking canon and is always like--nah dude :) you do what makes you happy and it’s like!!! YASSS!! She is absolutely aware that writing and certain characters should have no strict rules and I live for it!!

@maybege Okay, listen y’all!! Maybege is also one of the first people that I became friends with when Paz started becoming a bigger character to write for in the fandom and she quickly became a good friend of mine!! She is also a huge sweetheart and her Paz smut and just overall works are just... *screeching noises* TO DIE FOR!!!! I’m all for a gruff Mandalorian with a soft spot and she always pulls it off so well, yet in always such a sexy way that has me gasping, no matter which Mandalorian it is!!! She’s always catching me off guard with me discovering kinks that I didn’t even know I had before and apparently I’m way more of a freak than I initially thought lol.

@absurdthirst I don’t actually talk to Keri that much personally!! but I follow her and she is so supportive towards other content creators that it’s such a breath of fresh air to see on my dash!! She’s constantly putting out the hottest smut, but also, she gives out such great advice to her followers and anons and she has to be one of the least judgmental creators in this fandom that I have the privilege of knowing! She’s so chill and I absolutely adore her for it! If you need to rant or can’t remember the name of a certain fic, she’s the one to go to!! Also she has a Din x reader x Paz fic that is just--🥵🥵 HAWT

@huliabitch Julia is honestly such a boss ass bitch and if she punched me in the face, I would probably thank her for it!! She always sends me the sweetest messages and encourages chaotic behavior, as well as cliffhangers and I love you for that bb <3 She is beautiful inside and out and I love her!! Also, her moodboards are absolutely stunning!!

@anxiety-riddled-mando Tailor is someone I want to get to know better because she seems like such a sweetheart and is so talented when it comes to both fan art and fic!!! I just read her Urgency fic and I cannot wait to reblog it with comments becAUSE IM A MESS LOL

@clydesducktape The way Thia supports so many fanfics and reblogs them with the sweetest comments and tags is so cool to me!! I love seeing blogs that have absolutely no qualms when it comes to reblogging fics that don’t get the recognition they deserve!! Also, you are such a sweetheart too and even though we don’t personally talk a lot, I adore seeing you on my dash and the posts you have tagged me in in the past!!!

Here are some more blogs that I absolutely adore, regardless of their content: @coredrive @leo-moon @phoenixhalliwell @justrunamok @jango-fettish @acynicalcat @tangledlove27 @auty-ren  @tiffdawg @princessxkenobi @oloreaa @gallowsjoker @saltywintersoldat @keethus-arts @theocatkov @forever-rogue @corrupt-fvcker @haloangel391 @no-droids-allowed @catnip987 @cattfeine @silverfish-kingdom @yes-music-is-my-religion @princessbatears @gallowsjoker @prettylittlegoldfish @parabatai-winchester @aesnawan @blue-writes-a03 @kimbachan @bestintheparsec​ @lackofhonor @mandolovian @teaofpeach @max--phillips @hansoulo @trashedies @giselatropicana @elenamiria

Like I said before, I absolutely adore all of my followers and love interacting with you all!! I cannot wait to meet more people this year!!

[anakinskyiwalker]

i was tagged by @drunklili & @romaanovas (thank you lili & harls 🥰) to answer the following 73 questions!

my answers are under the cut!!

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? about a 5 bc i have finals in less than a week 🥴

describe yourself in a hashtag? #stressed

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? timothée chalamet ofc

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? blonde

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i’ve never broken a bone!

what’s your wake up ritual? i lay in bed for about 30 mins on my phone and then i get up and put in contacts, brush my teeth and go get breakfast

what’s your go to bed ritual? i take off my makeup and again lay in bed for about 30-45 mins on my phone before i go to sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? dusk

your go to for having a good laugh? i’ll rewatch old funny youtube videos i love

dream country to visit? i’ve always wanted to visit australia!

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? getting my car :’)

heels or flats/sneakers? flats/sneakers for everyday wear but i looove heels in general

vintage or new? both!

who do you want to write your obituary? ryan bergara lol

style icon? ashley from bestdressed on youtube!!

what are three things you cannot live without? my phone, books and movies

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? if it works with the dish, cinnamon or vanilla

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? timothée chalamet, audrey hepburn and james dean

what’s your biggest fear in life? dying 😬 which is inevitable so Yikes ™

window or aisle seat? window! :)

what’s your current tv obsession? brooklyn nine-nine

favorite app? my social medias

secret talent? i don’t think i have one

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? parasailing!

how would you define yourself in three words? kind, talkative, romantic

favorite piece of clothing you own? any of my dresses

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a denim jacket! bonus points if it’s oversized

a superpower you would want? reading minds would be cool! or to teleport- it would make things so convenient lol

what’s inspiring you in life right now? nothing in particular atm!

best piece of advice you’ve received? if it won’t impact you for the next 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it

best advice you’d give your teenage self? have some more confidence!

a book everyone should read? the harry potter series

what would you like to be remembered for? my kindness

how do you define beauty? obviously outer beauty is dependent on personal aesthetics but true inner beauty comes from being a good, kindhearted person :)

what do you love most about your body? i love my eye color 🥰

best way to take a rest/decompress? take a nice hot bubble bath ☺️

favorite place to view art? in museums or galleries

if your life was a song, what would the title be? i have no idea lol

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? the piano for sure!! i wish i knew how to play it

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? my inner wrist

dolphins or koalas? koalas

what’s your spirit animal? hehe i took a buzzfeed quiz and got shiba inu so i’m going with that

best gift you’ve ever received? ok this is going to sound weird but a box of marshmallow charms lmao. basically the story is when i was like 14 i mentioned to my friend that i wanted a box of just lucky charms marshmallows bc lucky charms are my fave and i had seen online that kylie jenner got gifted a box but when i looked to buy some i saw that they don’t actually sell lucky charms brand marshmallow only boxes?? a wasted opportunity if you ask me ANYWAYS i brought this up to my friend one day at lunch and she mentioned she would get me some for my birthday which was like months away at the time. i figured she would forget, but on my birthday i got a box of regular marshmallow charms and a kylie jenner card lmaooo and i was so happy :’)

best gift you’ve given? surprising my grandparents with a trip to LA to meet up with our family members for a few days :)

what’s your favorite board game? ooh the game of life or sorry!

what’s your favorite color? yellow 💛

least favorite color? grey

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore makeup

blow-dry or air-dry? both!

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? coffee simply for the smell :)

what’s the weirest word in the english language? pulchritudinous- it’s the strangest word to mean beautiful lmao

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk chocolate all the way

stairs or elevators? elevators

summer or winter? SUMMER

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? nachos babey!

a dessert you don’t like? funnel cake! i can have a bite or two but too much of it makes me feel sick

a skill you’re working on mastering? i’m always looking to better my art skill and whenever i get the chance, i practice learning how to rollerskate bc i’m not that good at it lol

best thing to happen to you today? it’s only 11 am so i’m not sure yet!

worst thing to happen to you today?procrastinating on school work 😐

best compliment you’ve ever received? i’ve been told that my presence is like the sun bc i brighten up the room with my kindness and cheerfulness and i just 🥺🥺🥺

favorite smell? vanilla or lemon

hugs or kisses? both 🥺

if you made a documentary, would it be about? SPACE

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? rewatching forrest gump

lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss

sweet or savory? sweet!

girl crush? zendaya, keira knightly, margot robbie, florence pugh, soairse ronan, etc

how do you know your in love? i haven’t been in love before :( so i don’t know

a song you can listen to on repeat? no better by lorde

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? someone who’s a part of a royal family i can see what it’s like to be royal for a day lol

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? finishing up school for the semester

tagging: @tinanewt , @panhansolo, @bellamy-blakez, @lucypcvensie, @stvnrgr , @fortiesbucky , @grayson-dick , @avengays , @parkwaylines, @cinderllas, @peter-stank, @gwendolinechristie, @matthewsmurdock, @chloexmorningstar , @ganzeyiii, @wintersoeldiers, @stevebucks , @daredeviil , @jedirey , @mollyweasly , @gomez-michelle, @fnnpoe, @wespers, @louvegoods, @anxieteandbiscuits & anyone else who wants to do this :)

[gg-astrology]

submitted by Dawn ⚘  - A Tea Spilling Party

The tea party!1!1! ⚘ (6 months summary omg)

omg okaaay! So I’m back swEEET!! 🖤🖤🖤

I’m sadly not going to travel TuT I’ll just stay comfy on my house, walk around, do some dance routines and overall chill kjskjss I’m glad you’re doing great :D I hope you take care of yourself and always remember you’re amazing and deserve everything you want!

Hey dawn!!! ❤️💕❤️💕 Oof I’m excited to hear how it continues!! ❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕 I’m gonna let you spill the tea right here, I read through everything already and I– I laughed at how you made my lines bolded and so dramatic like I’m a disembodied voice coming from nowhere which!! also startled me skjnskjn but like I love this. I love the part about you talking to your family, and getting it out and letting people support you. I love how great you are at telling this in a narrative that’s very gripping, so I’ll let others read bc this is– such a gem, and honestly I’m so proud and happy for you dawn! ❤️💕 You deserve your own happiness and contentment, you deserve to feel safe and have your voice heard ❤️💕 I’m glad you’re finally being heard by others too ❤️💕❤️💕 

⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘

Okay so my tea— Comes from the situation I texted you last year (I think it was December? I believe so, I had to check again cuz I definitely don’t have a good memoRY LMAOOO) Okay so:

Last thing I said was that I snapped at him (The capri guy) telling him I couldn’t trust him anymore and I needed space/etc. When I saw your answer about my rant, I actually thought about it deeply: Not only you, but many people told me the same thing. “YOU need heal from this” and I noticed that if everyone saw it, then it must be true.

So… On the first breakdown I had ever in front of my grandma (it was two times). The first one was when I got the fever, I suddenly went to her when she was picking me up from college and broke down into a wheeping mess, I didn’t even know why I was crying to start with. The second time was when (because of that fever) I did very badly on an exam, so I did tell my grandma things I used to bottle up by myself, like those stuff I believe about myself and those critics I harshly give myself because I (used to think) I deserved them. Even more after that problem, where everything “seemed to be” like it was just my fault.

To summary it… She took me in secret to therapy. So the first day I went there, again I just let out some of my feelings and well, it helped me out. Even more after I got note that: My mental health is more important than anything, if I have to let someone down to take care of myself, so be it. After picking me up slowly, the free time I had with my family, after opening up to them about my problems and not taking it all by myself, I got to see everything into another perspective. Taking all the advice everyone told me, and also when you told me “Do you really want to be his friend again?” it got me thinking again.

So the next semester, I came back with a new determination: I was going to be by myself, keep to myself, just focus on what’s important for me. Just decided to not see him as my friend anymore: Just another classmate. I choose seats that weren’t close to him, stopped answering his texts, overall acting as if he friendship was never there. It did made me feel bad, cuz honestly deep down it was hard knowing that it probably hurt, but I definitely felt way better now that I didn’t have to deal with him being around me and honestly… I felt like I could focus again on what was important for me now.

Of course, he’s stubborn. When he was already on the classroom and I searched for my own seat, he’d literally change his seat to sit by my side. He’d send texts even if I didn’t answer at all, one after another. The invitations to his house was still there and he would still follow tf out of me when he saw me walking on the hallways. So, some weeks passed by and Aqua suddenly sent me a text asking about it, cuz Capri texted him some long ass text about the situation. I deeply trust Aqua (he’s actually an aquarius sun/pisces moon, he’s the most emotionally stable person I know? And so spiritual? Istg he’s such a good friend I can’t even tell enough) so I told him about my issues and how I decided to deal with it. He understood and he was deeply sorry that he couldn’t see it (when he shouldn’t at all!) the thing is, we both agreed it’d probably be hard for Capri but he needed to understand I wanted my own space and to focus on college.

Again, to shorten things up, at some point Capri just snapped and followed me asking for an explanation. I had to sit down and tell him what he already knew, plus letting him know I was trying to take care of myself so he should do the same thing. Pointing out even more the: “If someone walks out, don’t follow them. Don’t do this to yourself, don’t follow anyone, it’s not worthy and no one deserves it, you don’t deserve it”

I got closer to my virgo friend (she started liking BTS after hearing me talk bout them 25/8 LMAO) so we got closer by staying some hours at college to do homework together or just watch BTS stuff together (we’re the weird sagi + virgo combo LMAO) so when we were just getting deep into nice talks, I decided to just tell her about it. I kind of knew she probably was aware of stuff, so I decided to tell her what was happening. And I was right, she knew. Even before I did. She told me he asked her for ways of making me like him (before he confessed) and that she actually reminded him about me not wanting any romantic relationships atm. So after seeing the change, she just guessed he probably confessed. She wasn’t aware of how messy things were tho.

Okay so here is where things get spooky... So I said in the last post that he told me he got a girlfriend, right? The thing is, she told me he continued asking about these things even now, which made things even weirder. I decided not to look too much into it though, it wasn’t a problem I wanted to continue eating my head on.

So we had a group project and my team was actually him, my virgo friend and we asked Dino plus other friends for help. We did a record and everything was good, until at the very end when we finished Capri suddenly said something about a trip he was making to a beach and he asked if we wanted to go as a group. I instantly knew I wouldn’t go: First of all, it’d just be us four in that trip. My virgo friend said she wouldn’t go, so that was an instant nono for me. My Dino friend is the typical “I’ll go” and then doesn’t appear (I basically had the most uncomfortable 6 hours of my life because she did the same before when Capri, her and I were supposed to hang out at my house but only he came). So basically, if I accepted it’d have been only us so… Mhm. Nope, not happening.

I made sure to tell him “I can’t, I have something to work on vacations” and it wasn’t a lie, I really had a project to work on. However, on another project we had (the same team, second day of recording) he again asked me if I wasn’t going for real which I went: …I already said so??? No, I won’t. The thing is, it really seemed like he wanted to have an alone time with me to tell me???? Who knows??? Whatever. My grandma told me the same, and honestly, I wasn’t having it.

So we got a two weeks vacation for saint week and well, remember my Dino friend? She asked me if we could meet up to hang out like we did before, and of course, I was excited so I agreed immediately. Everything cool and all, but then she started asking questions about “how I was doing” which I went: Super good :D and then she’s like “Uuuh! Yeah! And u know about your… Situation with Capri and all…” and I was honestly so disappointed. I kind of understand the worry but? I answered the first time like “Oh, yeah. I haven’t thought deeply about it, it’s a matter I don’t want to think about and I have better things to take care about, u know? Yeah”

Even after I completely changed the conversation to speak about better stuff, about our friendship, idk, about something that was more about us as friends than my personal problems, she kind of continued trying to bug me about it. But not in a healthy or worried way, it was as if she wanted me to tell her if I was going to give him another chance which I went: It’s not a matter of “giving another chance”, it’s a matter of taking care of myself. She kind of noticed that I was getting weirded out at so many questions regarding the same thing so she got flustered, telling me so many times things like: “Oh, it’s not like I’m trying to intrude or anything. I really don’t know anything about what’s going on. I don’t want you to see me as if I’m trying to find something! I just~ Really want to see my best friends together again that’s all!” and uhm, she was really (yet again) really defensive. Even when I didn’t say anything but yeah.

And oh my god this is getting so damn long. I’m going to finish everything soon I promise. So, his attitude did got better (meaning he didn’t tried to sit with me anymore and stuff) but I did notice some stalker stuff which made me really scared again. He’d go inside the little convenience store we have on the university just to stay there looking at me while I buy my shit and literally follow me out and walk with me while I go: …Can u stop following me please ohmygod. Also, I was literally in an empty classroom and he just went inside, instantly saying “oh sorry” but still coming in (which means he of course knew I wasn’t comfortable with him coming in). Okay so, I may sound dramatic or smth but hey… I’m still a woman and very tiny compared to him, so of course staying alone with him wasn’t comfortable at all. I literally ran out of the room when he was there. Again, he sent a message to Aqua about how this was ‘too much’ and that even Dino told him he didn’t do anything as bad to receive that kind of attitude. Excuse me, what. If making my life impossible and making me lose my shit for almost a year already wasn’t enough, then what would it be? What would I need to suffer to make my attitude “excusable”?

What happened is that after almost an entire semester of just focusing on my own healing (which I think went quite well… Or I feel so, my mom came back home one day and she told me my eyes were shining again, they even told me I was back in shape. I don’t know about all that, but I do feel like I’ve been able to enjoy this semester more than the last one) it was time to choose the new subjects for our next semester. I did it with my Virgo friend, choosing classes together (cuz this semester I was basically alone in every single class lmao except one). Capri sent his own schedule on the group chat, but I really didn’t check it (I wasn’t going to choose anything related to it anyway, I will only share classes with him by coincidence) and my friend and I went into a hallway that leads to classrooms (that are most of the time empty) to calmly choose over the subjects together.

The thing is, in one of those classrooms (He didn’t use to go on these classrooms, he just started going there after he found out this was my virgo friend and I’s kind of, secret place or smth) and I did see him in an empty classroom and he waved his hand, which I gave him a tiny nod. I told my friend “Capri is here” but I decided to continue checking the classrooms to see if there was another empty classroom. I found one and told her “Here’s an empty classroom” and I waited. My mindset always was: Whatever problems I have with him, she has nothing to do with it and her friendship with him u know. If she wanted to hang out with him while we made our schedule that was completely fine for me too, I am not the type to tell her “no, let’s not go there cuz he’ll be there” cuz nah man, we’re already 19+ years old, that’s old bullshit.

So when she went into the empty classroom, I just followed suit and we did our schedule. So he almost immediately erased his schedule from the group and after a “Woah guys, woah.” message he left the group. (I am so used to him leaving the group that I was just: Mkay.) so then he sent me a long ass message about how he “finally understood” and that he wouldn’t bother me anymore and more stuff. Lowkey it was a bittersweet feeling, I was sad that it had to reach this point yet I felt so fucking free after that message. So finally, after a year (this problem has an entire year oh my god) he finally did what I asked him to do in the first place: Stopped following me, sending messages, basically acted like I did, which was what I was waiting for.

So to summarize everything again: I think the problem finally got solved? In a way? I’m not sure what will happen next semester, but I just hope he for real focuses on his career and just— Leave this thing die u know? It’s been over a year, this is enough.

So yaaah! That’s the tea 💕💕 I hope I didn’t overwhelm you with such a long rant and I’m sorry if I did TT TT