#yet another out of context conversation that sounds like it’s their date- gay

[mikereads]

“Does that look like a date?”

“All right. It was a working dinner.”

“Who are you trying to kid, Blair. It was a date and you know it. We were sitting at a table with nothing between us but a pepperoni pizza. That’s a date!” Huh you don’t say that’s a date huh well that sounds familiar. (A few episodes later)

Your right Jo it may be breadsticks but sitting close to someone at an Italian restaurant with nothing between you is a date huh! Good to know.

Jo explains “said date.” “After that we laughed and talked and had a great time. It was awful.”

“Look Jo, your life is changing. You’re not the same girl who rode in here last year on her motorcycle. You’re growing and your needs are changing. Why not be with the people who fulfill those needs.” You are so right Mrs. Garrett and I can think of someone. A person who has been there for her since day one and defended her even after they got off to a rocky start. Someone who wanted them to be a team. Someone who ran to a motel in the middle of the night during a blizzard to stop you from making a huge mistake. Someone who insisted on going and only hugged you afterwards and hung on tight. Someone who brings you on double dates and gets you wine from Paris during her vacation. Someone who was there for you to give you advice that very episode and waited up for you after your study date that was until after 11 o’clock. Blair!!!!!

“I learned something new tonight. I have a lot more to learn.” Someone who is still trying to figure it out herself and had very similar thoughts but ended her own date saying this!

“Or anyone else…..” yeah someone like Blair!

[j4xotto]

Persephone's words hit Jax hard. With one hand clutching his phone, the other came up to rub a circle in the centre of his chest, the place where all of his strong emotions seemed to sit, a palpable ache that Jax foolishly thought he could massage away. No matter what those entries tell you, I’m not a bad person. Jax knew how that felt, how helpless you could be when you were in the spotlight, unable to control the narrative surrounding yourself. Maybe one day the tide would turn for Jax too, and he'd be in Persephone's place, begging someone to understand that he too, was not a bad person.

Then again, things like that didn't happen to people like him. To men like him. Not in the same way, anyway. Jax was protected to an extent by his money, his status, people shoved microphones in his face at every race and press conference and begged to hear what he had to say. When it had mattered, no one had cared what Persephone had to say.

Despite their shaky start, despite the hesitance in her voice and in her stance, mirroring Jax's own, Jax made a point of meeting the woman's eyes when he said, voice firm, "I don't think you're a bad person."

He shoved his phone deep into his pocket, wanting to scrub those results from his mind. He didn't want the snippets of things the actress had said, blown wildly out of context or sensationalised, stuck in his head when he was talking to the real, genuine article. He'd hate to have that perception put onto him.

"A bad person would already be up there having a good laugh about me having a pash with another guy. Well, a little more than a pash." he laughed, running a hand over the stubble on his chin. God, his life was complicated. "A worse person would've pulled out their camera. I'm sorry if you got a, er, bit of an eyeful."

Tearing his gaze away from the blonde, Jax felt his cheeks redden against his will. It was embarrassing enough that his life was filled with hook ups at parties and seedy hotel rooms, even more embarrassing to be caught. Jax wouldn't call himself shy by any means, but he was at least... reserved, most of the time.

"Corgis, huh? I had no idea." Jax said, filing away that piece of information about Matty for a later date, and all the while trying not to feel incredibly jealous of Eli, whom Matty was supposedly madly in love with. Note to self, we do not lust after pseudo little brother's friends, no matter how well aquainted Jax was with their pretty blue eyes.

"Kind of?" he let out an awkward sounding laugh. "In some circles, I guess. Did you say thirsting?"

Jax tried to push past the butterflies that formed in his stomach at the thought of Matty thirsting over him. That was a gay panic for another time. Instead, he redirected his attention to a very stressed looking Persephone.

"Well. Thank you, I guess." Jax said, giving her a half-hearted smile. He was very aware of the fact he'd probably ruined her night and brought up a lot of negative feelings for her, the least he could do was leave her to get back to the safety and comfort of her friends. The knowledge that Matty was there was enough to make Jax comfortable with leaving her be. He'd seen how protective the man was over Eli, no doubt Persephone would be in good hands, even if Jax had left her a little shaken, albeit accidentally.

Stretching to his full height, Jax tucked his jacket tighter around him. The anxiety that was currently sitting on his chest hadn't quite ebbed yet, and the thought of having to go out there and make polite conversation with other party guests while people took covert shots of him was enough to make him want to upchuck.

"I do appreciate it." Jax told her, hoping the sincerity carried in his voice. He moved to make his way back to the party, taking a few steps before he turned again, throwing Persephone a smile. "I know this sounds really, really stupid, but I'm glad we met."

On that note, Jax took the next few steps two at a time, rushing back into the throng of the party before he could embarrass himself furthur, or get ridiculously sentimental on this near stranger. As soon as he pushed open the door, the heavy bass of the music and the sheer volume threatened to overcome him, plus the sounds of everyone shrieking over one another. He stood out like a sore thumb in his red leather, and sure enough, there were indeed a few cameras pointed at him.

"Great." Jax muttered under his breath, plastering a grin on his face that didn't quite meet his eyes as his eyes searched the crowd for someone, anyone he could talk to.

It was a conflicting emotion, watching Jackson as his thumb swiped along the screen of his phone, hungrily consuming every last detail he could gather about her. She should have probably been grateful that he hadn’t recognised her – a rarity at parties such as the one they were attending. If she wasn’t familiar due to her career, most of the people at these types of parties usually recognised her because they had the same dealer. Still, she would rather he know the truth than think she was blackmailing him – or, worse, try to take advantage of her position and do to her what he so feared of others. 

His eyes roamed the length of each page rapidly and Persephone quietly willed herself not to overthink it, not to spread herself thin wondering which entry he was on, what was catching his eye, and what he might be thinking of her right now. In truth, a part of her had to admire the foolhardy way he’d tugged his phone free and taken her up on the suggestion to google her; There was no caution in his movements, no desire to spare her feelings nor trust her blindly. She would have done the exact same thing were the roles reversed. 

“No matter what those entries tell you, I’m not a bad person,” Persephone stated, forcing conviction that she didn’t quite feel into her tone. She didn’t always like herself, but she wanted to make it clear that, in spite of that, she still loved herself – even if nobody else ever would. She wasn’t some frightened victim who people needed to tiptoe around in some misguided attempt to shield her, nor was she the manipulative figure that the media had painted her out to be. She was brave and unbreakable, and Jackson Otto could trust her or he could take her to the cleaners, and she’d still never utter a word of what she saw to anybody. 

Despite their current standoff, Persephone couldn’t help but offer up a meek smile at the identifier. Eli’s Matty. While she only knew Matty through Maggie, she’d met Eli a couple of times, albeit only briefly. He’d always been endlessly polite, a charming smile and a shyness to him that would usually make Sephy wary – it felt sincere with Elias, though. And if the way that Matty spoke of him – fawned over him, even – was anything to go by, she’d come to conclude that Eli was just as lovely as he seemed on the surface. 

“Pretty blue eyes, madly in love with his BFF, and with a weird affinity for corgis? That’s the one,” she nodded. Still perched on the edge of the step, she cleared her throat and nodded over his shoulder, somewhere in the general direction they’d both stumbled from. “He’s downstairs, by the way. He’s the one I came with.” 

She wasn’t sure what she thought he might do with that information, but if he had secrets to keep, she didn’t want him to be caught off guard by the presence of people who actually knew him on a more personal level. Maybe Matty and Eli knew about him, maybe they didn’t, but it wasn’t for Persephone to leave Jackson to wander unknowingly into the Lion’s Den without any warning. 

She could already see the guilt on Jackson’s face, the uncertain way he averted his gaze a telltale sign that he knew he’d been too rash. She didn’t blame him, not really. She understood his predicament, and she knew just how addictive fame could be. In an ideal world, none of them would care what others thought, and nobody would waste their time seeking approval from millions of strangers who had no real baring on their lives – unfortunately, it wasn’t that simple. 

“It’s okay. Seriously. Besides, you’d be surprised how many people get it,” she shrugged. 

Persephone still didn’t consider herself a warm person, but she had seen enough of the harsh realities of the industry to understand that more people were struggling to keep themselves upright than one might assume. It was a thankless world where they were expected to simply grin and bear the horrors that were forced upon them every day, and never bat an eyelid should they want to keep their jobs. Persephone had watched people stand up in a court of law and lie upon her name, lie to protect their own abusers, all just to protect their own status. It was a sad world. 

“I was. Not so much anymore,” she shrugged, crinkling her nose at the distinction. Of all the things he could hate her for, he’d opted for arguably the worst of her catalogue. “I mean, you’re famous, right? I don’t know shit about Formula 1, but even Matty seems to know an obscene amount about your career. When he’s not thirsting after you, he’s usually spouting useless facts about yours and Eli’s stats that nobody asked for.” 

She wasn’t entirely sure fame was something to be proud of, especially not from personal experiences. But even if it was, no amount of money could force her to do it all over again. While the idea of having fans might seem exciting to some – a group of strangers scrambling to tell you just how wonderful you are, to validate you and lift you up for nothing in return – she hated the attention she still received. Anonymity was simply a pipe dream these days. 

“Besides, that shit isn’t important. Not to me, anyway. I just...” she trailed off, grappling with what to say next, how to make herself clear. 

Dipping her head, she brought both hands up to gently rub circles into her temples, exhaling slowly as she took pause. While she’d managed to control the tremble in her hands from when he’d grabbed her, she found herself growing increasingly overwhelmed by the reality of the situation. In a matter of seconds, she’d gone from knowing something personal and intimate about Jackson, to him knowing all of the deepest, darkest, most traumatic details of her life. He’d somehow been one of the very few people on the planet that hadn’t known, and she’d offered the information up freely. 

“I just wanted us to be on the same footing,” she sighed, her voice small as she lifted her head once more. “I don’t know you, but I don’t wanna screw you over. And... there’s enough assholes with iPhones downstairs that I thought you might appreciate a heads up.” 

[nightswithkookmin]

still same anon. this was another one of my asks from months ago. basically it was a comment I made about jikook's intimacy. it was from this interview: https://youtu.be/T--BOS8oTec the moment I'm talking about happens from 3:00 minute timestamp onwards. i was saying how despite this moment being "skinship" or whatever, it kinda hit different? there's also intimacy there. bc you see how jimin doesn't have to say anything and jungkook immediately understands what to do and starts massaging his neck. jimin literally threw a glance at him, tilted his neck a lil and jungkook didn't need a second more to know what to do. I wanted to talk to you about it since I know that you're not big on skinship defining jikook's relationship, but I think there ARE jikook skinship moments worth noting and this is one of them imo.

Oh ok. Thanks.

SKINSHIP IN CONTEXT

I think skinship by it's very definition is an intimate act depending on the level of familiarity between the parties involved in the act.

From my understanding of skinship, it's basically interactions that would otherwise be viewed as sexual outside of their culture but viewed as acceptable platonic behavior between the same sex or even the opposite sex.

The objective of skinship is to be intimate with another person on a level that's only next to romance.

I remember my sister telling me how shook she was when she found out for the first time, around 2011 when she first moved to Seoul, how she couldn't even keep her pants on at a 'Jimjirban' because all the gals in there were expected to walk around butt naked in the spa. No towels, no pants, no robes butt nakedttt.

'Mehn, this doesn't happen where I'm coming from' she said to her companion.

A. I'm black.

B. I'm not flat.

C. I'm wearing my pants.

Her very naked friend, a native SK, whom she says she'd only met for like a week, then grabbed her underwear and pulled it down her thighs exposing her deforested vagina to the winds and a dozen other curious gazes. All females.

'For a second, I thought I had been tricked into an orgy of a sort. I was very naked without my consent. Wind whistling through my shy butt cracks. Watching very naked females of varying ages stare on with pride and smiles on their faces as if I had just saved a village or something and when I jiggled when I walked I could hear them gasp, amazed- Goldy, how is this not gay?'

'You think skinship between their men is weird, wait till you see their women. Wait till a very attractive Korean girl is breathing down your neck and caressing your nape and complementing your skin while showing you pictures of her boyfriend on her phone.'

She says it took her a while to get used to the skinship between women in SK and seeing the men interact in a certain way messed with her brains for a while. She said she felt her intelligence was being played with most of the time.

I guess if you want to look at Jikook's skinship as intimate then there's nothing wrong it.

Skinship is intimate at the very least.

But skinship, for all intent and purposes, is platonic and nonsexual in nature. And maybe this is a fatal flaw on my part. Or maybe thanks to my sister, I'm desensitized to this form of interaction but I have a hard time seeing Jikook's intimacy as platonic or even seeing most of their skinship as romantic- in anyway. It will make sense in a bit, hold on.

I have a hard time equating skinship with romantic intimacy. But that's just me.

I wasn't able to click on the link you sent but I'm guessing this is the moment you are talking about?

I wouldn't call this skinship. I mean it is but I wouldn't call it that. Skinship is meant to show how close two people are. How familiar they are with eachother.

This doesn't show how close Jikook are. But It shows how caring and affectionate JK is as human being, as a dongsaeng, and as a boyfriend.

I'd rather we celebrate that. JK doesn't get highlighted enough. He caters to the people he cares about. He is an attentive person.

Hate to be a grinch but I can pull up a couple of times JK has done that very gesture with Jin or Tae or Hobi. Remember Soop? Remember when Jin complained of feeling cold and JK went up to him immediately and 'warmed' him up?

Of course, Jimin kept stealing glances at him like he could throw a shoe at the back of his head if he could but that's beside the point.

The man is an empath. He's said several times he feels a lot of pain watching his hyungs go through it. Fact is, Jk cares about people. He's kind, loving and he shows this aspect of him through gestures like these.

He does it for Jimin. He does it for all the members because as he's said, they are all a family.

It's stressful hearing people claim he doesn't give a fuck about Jimin, that he doesn't care about JM because he shows affections for others besides JM.

At some point we would have to make a distinction between what acts flows from their unique personalities because of who they are at their core and what act flows from them being a couple.

Most people who see Jimin as a natural nurturer and what not are able to separate this identity from his ship moments but JK isn't accorded the same privilege. It is why most people are quick to lash out at him when he interacts with others in the same way he interacts with Jimin.

When JM acts nurturing towards V or RM or Suga he is seen a good, kind person.

When JK does something affectionate it's seen as a beautiful Jikook moment or Taekook moment or Jinkook moment and is soon swept under the carpet, soon forgotten and never tied to the personality of JK- perhaps because most of these shippers don't care to know who JK is as a person and as a human.

When Jimin does something affectionate its 'awww Jimin is such an amazing person' even if that act is merely performative sometimes.

I try not to engage in conversations that perpetuate this horrifying discrimination against either of Jikook. They are both individuals.

There are a lot of Asks sitting in my box highlighting the various ways JM is awesome and kind and amazing as s boyfriend to JK and not a single out of 500 plus posts talking about how empathetic JK really is. How thoughtful he is to even pack motion sickness drugs to go on trips even though he doesn't get motion illness and JM is the one that often complains about motion sickness on trips.

The heteronormative lens, on opposite ends of the spectrum in the shipping community, which dictates we perceive on Jikook as either feminine or masculine is a telltale sign of the misogyny and misandry prevalent within this fandom.

The fandom's heteronormative lens filters Jimin as the wildly feminine archetype, wildly fragile, sexy and womanly right down to the way we praise him as the 'good woman' in his relationship with JK- loyal, faithful, nurturing, kind, silent in that he continues to perform Jikook even when Jikook are not in a great place. etc.

Yet because he is seen as womanly or feminine, the part of the fandom that hates women hate Jimin. That's where all the slut shaming, bullying and harassment stems from- misogyny.

Jk is viewed as the opposite of that. By most, he is very masculine man and as such harbors all the traits of masculinity the modern woman detests- toxic masculinity, cheating, disloyal, fuckboy who treats women like shit. All forms of hatred and intolerance towards men is projected on to him especially by male intolerant people or dare I say feminist women within the fandom.

And you see them in the way they are always fighting for Jimin against JK as if Jimin were a fragile faithful woman whose man don't treat him right thus further perpetuating the heteronormative stereotypes of Jimin.

What's disconcerting is Jikook are both men and yet depending on how their masculinity or femininity is perceived, they are both treated very differently.

You hear Tuktukkers talk about how Jikook is as a result of heteronormativity and thus prescribe Taekook as the ideal homonormative ship- because to them, Tae and JK are both seen as two whole men.

To them Jimin is just not man enough to even be gay- isn't that the foundation of homophobia?

Gay men not seen as men at all?

Whereas amongst Jokers, Jimin's manliness is often forgiven and JK's is abhorred. Jk is too much of a man and men just ain't shit.

This may sound like an over simplification but Tuktukkers hate women, Jokers hate men and either side suck. In my opinion.

Jimin is a nurturer he cares about people including his boyfriend. JK is an empath he feels the pain of those close to him including his boyfriend and is often moved to ease or take away some of that pain.

It's thus annoying to hear people out here yell and complain on every turn each time JK interacts with the others how JK 'doesn't act exclusive' with Jimin or how he doesn't care about Jimin.

Should he not care about anyone besides Jimin just because he is dating Jimin?

It's annoying when they say the same about Jimin. Jimin nurtures everyone ergo there's nothing special or exclusive about the way he nurtures JK.

Nonsense such as these are spewed without taking into account that those acts in themselves speak directly to who these people are as human beings first and foremost; secondly, to how they feel about the person at the recieving end of their affections.

If they are treating everyone the same it's probably because they love everyone too- in a non romantic way of course. It's their love language. They love others with the same heart they love eachother with.

It doesn't take away from how they feel about eachother. JK admiring another member does not mean when he admires Jimin it's nothing. It just mean he admires Jimin too.

Not everything has to be romanticized or given a romantic context. They are each expressing themselves and their feelings for their bandmates. It's about them not their bandmates or their relationship with said bandmates.

Certain moments are just attestation to their love language be it platonic or romantic and it says more about who they are as people than what their relationship with the other person is. It's not all about their relationship.

People need to start treating Jikook as individuals. They are humans first before a ship. Shipping them shouldn't take away from their authentic expressions of self.

That's how they each end up getting cussed out in these streets left and right.

It's ridiculous.

This is JK being JK. Imma leave it at that.

This is from the same interview where Tae was talking about how they love showcasing their bond.

It's ok to celebrate it. Just see it for what it is- as flowing from JK's kind self. This is not Jikook. This is JK. Jeon Jungkook.

Don't fume or act disappointed when you see him do the same kind gesture for another member just because of the meaning you are imposing on this moment. Know what I mean?

That being said, there are certain Jikook 'skinship' moments that crosses the line of skinship right into sexual foreplay.

If 'skinship' leaves you 'sexually excited' it's not skinship. Nobody can tell me nothing.

Make of this moment what you will. Just be responsible with it. I think. But don't mind me. I'm grumpy.

Signed,

GOLDY

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Re-post from r/MeehanSurvivors Reddit Community. An Enthusiastic Sobriety Counselor Survivor Story.

TW: References to child pornography, conversion therapy, homophobia, masturbation, and sex.

I would love nothing more than to preserve my admiration for the program, if only for the reason that it would be easier to do so, but after years of being deceived, I find it utterly absurd to disregard any contempt on the basis of the misplaced gratitude that it saved my life. While the program undoubtedly contributed to my success in a number of ways, it has nevertheless become clear that I’ve walked away with trauma that, even after all of this time, I fail to wholly understand. What I do know, however, is that my disillusionment with enthusiastic sobriety is heavily rooted in how I was treated, as the people who claimed to love me evidently made it their mission to eradicate who I was and, likewise, transform me into a duller, lesser version of themselves. I will never know who I could’ve been had they honored the parts of myself that needed nurturing, only who I am today and the damage I’ve since been left with.

From the moment I joined the program, I knew exactly what its expectations were. It was made abundantly clear throughout the treatment process, where I was bombarded with endless conversations about what it meant to be a winner - a concept given context far beyond a sober individual working the twelve steps. I was not only told how to behave, but what to believe about every area of my life. It did not matter if those areas were deeply personal, as evidenced by the countless discussions related to sex; in fact, I would not only learn who we could and could not fantasize about while masturbating, but what we could and could not do sexually - as if we could not be trusted to determine for ourselves the actions we take in our own bedrooms. I also found myself on the receiving end of many conversations revolving around whether or not it was acceptable to shave one’s own pubic region, as was a commonly held belief that a shaved pubic region was not only unnecessary, but a product of one’s own vanity that, incidentally, mimics child pornography. Perhaps more disturbing, however, was the ideology surrounding pornography, in general, that we were ordinarily subjected to. We were first told that no self-respecting woman would want to be with a man who’s actively watching porn; then, we were told that it alters a man’s behavior so much that women will be able to recognize whether or not they watch it. The possibility of romance was used as a weapon against us by the counselors, as well as group members, to conform to their principles, rather than allowing us to establish our own and when that didn’t work, personal attacks were their next best option. I remember being asked if I really wanted to be the guy who’s strung out on porn the rest of his life, as if it was some kind of crippling addiction that would keep me from getting anything I ever wanted out of life. Even more importantly, however, it was through these frequent exchanges that I became familiarized with “Pavlov’s Dog Theory,” a scientific study so bastardized by the counselors that it existed solely to explain away the possibility of any non-heterosexual orientation. Being insecure with my own sexuality, it was of course music to my ears to discover that my attraction to the same sex, a perversion as I then recognized it, was the result of watching too much porn and could be easily resolved by the work outlined by the program. For the next few years, I would work endlessly to alter my sexual orientation back to “normal” and apparently did so well enough that I was eventually asked to attend the Meehan Institute of Counselor Training.

When I was in counselor training, most of what we discussed had very little to do with counseling; in fact, the information required to pass the state-mandated test was tossed aside in exchange for the radically inappropriate teachings that came directly from the program itself. Examples of this, of course, include the explanation that non-heterosexual orientations were not only “unnatural” but an expression of one’s perverse desire for instant gratification, usually resulting from either their addiction to porn, as I had already learned in outpatient, or their unresolved childhood trauma. It was also reasoned that an attraction to the same sex was often a natural consequence of being in an abusive relationship with a member of the opposite sex, a belief supported only by the theory that the person, in question, had unlikely resolved their own fear of getting hurt again. Some people were just “pussies” that had decided to seek the “easier, softer way,” an almost comical assumption given that there is nothing “easier” or “softer” about being queer. I would actually be referred to as a “pussy” while sharing to one of the program's many directors that I had sexual thoughts about other men. His solution for me was that since “there is nothing romantic about two men butt fucking each other,” I should spend the time wasted fantasizing about that on where I would like to take a girl on a date. It’s these ways of thinking that we, who’s families spend $5,600 to send us to counselor training, learn for the three months that we’re there. It’s these three months, where we are taught that absurdity is a natural substitute for science, that earn us the right to then counsel others, many of whom are children. I never could've imagined the abuse that would follow, despite the seeds that had been sown throughout the better part of my recovery.

A few weeks after I graduated from counselor training, when I was working the Step One shift, a couple of the program's directors took me away from it to smoke cigars with them. It was there that they talked to me about how I needed to work on developing more masculine qualities, perhaps by engaging in a hobby that was, according to them, “outside of my comfort zone.” Later on, one of my coworkers would lecture me for the way I had reached out to a girl in the group, explaining that she, along with others, might think that I’m gay for agreeing to watch a “chick flick” with her. Another coworker would make fun of me for crying to a song that reminded me of my dead parent, for the reason that it was, according to her, a “gay” thing to do. In one of the monthly purpose meetings, the director made jokes about me being “inside” of another male counselor - something that was received only with laughter. Bob Meehan himself would even tell the training class following my own that while I deserved the upmost respect for taking everyone’s shit, I was probably gay. When I would share how I felt, in reference to these incidents, I was told that my options were either to “change it” or to “own it.” I began to internalize all of this and, due to my own desire to be accepted, I began working even harder to change these qualities that had been deemed unacceptable by those around me. I would later be celebrated in a purpose for denouncing a dramatic television show for the reason that when I watched it, it made me feel like a “faggot;” however, even that wouldn’t satisfy those around me, as my sponsor, who was also my coworker, would suggest that I stop watching Friends, as well, due to the fact that it was the kind of show his wife watched. I would experience similar criticism from yet another coworker who suggested that I only liked “girly shit” for “shock value” and that it was nothing more than my ego attempting to differentiate myself from everyone else. If by now you’re wondering why I even participated in these conversations, all I can say is that it was always in pursuit of becoming a better man and I trusted that the staff had those answers. I couldn't have been more wrong, as I can't help but notice today that what I was subjected to is in direct opposition of the very laws that protect employees from this kind of treatment by their employers; however, in the program, what’s illegal is classified as “spiritual.”

For years, I felt relegated to a subclass of human existence and for what reason? I spent years working on the things that made my life unmanageable primarily because the people around me decided that it was. Furthermore, I was promised that if I stopped watching porn, which I did for years, my brain would rewire itself and I would no longer be attracted to men. As stupid as that sounds now, why wouldn’t I, as an 18 year old, believe what I was hearing from who I only presumed to be trained professionals? I trusted them and really worked hard to take their every suggestion, going as far as becoming a member of Sexaholics Anonymous, despite the fact that I had never even had sex at that point. It was nothing if not incredibly painful to do the same thing over and over again, only to be told to get up and try again by the very people who would describe that as insanity in any other case. I was never once told that what I was doing wasn’t working for me; instead, I was told to try harder. In all of the time I spent in the program, I was never even given the option to try something different until after quitting, when someone told me that my sexual orientation, whatever it may be, was perfectly acceptable and far from a determining factor in my ability to effectively work a program. It took years to hear that, the majority of which were spent somewhere that I definitely should have. That is not only unacceptable but they should be absolutely ashamed of themselves.

Alas, the problem I have with the program is not necessarily that they’ll never apologize to me, but that they lack the self-awareness to even consider it. When I shared my concerns about the program with one of their counselors, he dismissed them with the statement that it’s a perfect program ran by imperfect people and that I should judge them not by their actions, but by their intentions, which coincidentally, contradicts the program’s reliance on a quote from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that states exactly the opposite. He also told me that I was angry and resentful, despite the fact that I was neither. When I shared my concerns with another counselor, he dismissed them with the suggestion that perhaps the counseling I received, in regards to my sexual orientation, resulted from how I presented it to the staff. His feedback was not only highly insulting, but a complete bastardization of the facts. Not only was I brutally honest about that area of my life, so much that it's all I spoke of, but I was the client and it was far from my role to ensure that the counselors did their job. I was little more than a child at the time; nevertheless, the implication that my negative experiences were all my fault only served as evidence that any attempt to cooperate with the program, and convince them of the ways in which I was harmed, is futile. Why would I want to, anyway, after years of watching any criticism of the program be rationalized as the delusions of “bailed kids” or “disgruntled ex-staff?” The only answer would be to prevent it from happening again, although to think that outcome is even a possibility appears naïve at best. They’ve made it abundantly clear where they stand, that they’re right, everyone else is wrong, and there’s no reason for them to change anything - lest of course it threatens their credibility, which in that case they only become more insidious in their transgressions.

TLDR: The program not only intrusively dictates the sex lives of their clients, but has proven itself to be particularly unloving toward those who are LGBTQIA+. It is a cultural issue that can not be reduced to a few examples of bad counseling. It is clear that they see no reason whatsoever to change this.

[volturialice]

Spork Haven chapter 25: gone with the fucking wind

welcome to spork haven, where I spork the EL James fic you’ve never heard of

previous chapter | next chapter | contents

previously on Spork Haven:

recently-dumped actor!edward Possibility’ed his way back to london! esme was there! there was a time skip and everything interesting happened offscreen! orphaned ex-hotel maid juilliard dropout zillionaire murder witness bella moved back to new orleans with jasper! emmett went through her garbage and came to london to tell edward that she’s (gasp) pregnant! edward’s hopping a flight across the atlantic to snatch his girl back from that luminous-hazel-eyed fucksmith jasper!

chapter 25 has one of the best opening sentences to date:

there are a mere 6 “fucks” in the first paragraph, in which Edward describes how he has stepped into “Gone with the Fucking Wind.” there are actually several more Gone with the Wind references in this chapter (at least, I assume that’s what’s being referenced; I’ve never actually seen or read it), enough to make it clear that erika sees plantation owner life as aspirational. because of course she does. fair warning that this chapter is absolutely steeped in “la di da, wasn’t the antebellum south grand” racism.

still standing outside Bella’s mansion, Edward is deeply unnerved by the flora of Louisiana. (us locals too, Edward. careful of that spanish moss, there are probably chiggers in there.) having run out of Gone With the Wind references, he’s forced to reference a different movie:

if you wanted to look at english oaks you could’ve stayed in england, asshat.

still standing outside (seriously, he’s out there for a full page) he hears Bella playing the cello in her mansion and thinks about how he can’t let her “slip through his fucking fingers.” then he rings the doorbell, “heart in his fucking mouth,” and...

Bella’s housekeeper answers. Edward is shocked that his old-money, plantation-owning girlfriend has servants. a few things to note about Bella’s housekeeper are 1) she’s Mrs. Cope, 2) she looks exactly like the middle-aged, blonde housekeeper from 50 sh@des (is that also Mrs. Cope?), and 3) that she talks in a comically rendered southern accent.

I honestly can’t believe we made it this far into the story without hearing the word “master” only for it to show up now, in this context. 🤢 oh well.

once inside, Edward makes a dozen more Gone With the Wind comparisons as he describes the furniture and architecture. pretty amusing how he and erika think it’s gay to drink champagne, but not to wax poetic about upholstery and Scarlett O’Hara’s crinoline.

at last, “Little Bella Swan” (spelled right for the very first time! gold star, erika!) appears. at first she’s “shy as fuck,” but then she admits she’s missed him and that’s Edward’s “fucking cue” to start making out with her, in a paragraph full of hot, sensual details like this:

I’m sorry, but did you just say she was...running her fingers...through your stubble? 

how long is this alleged “stubble?” did Edward grow the patchy, ginger equivalent of a full-on Gandalf beard and just forget to mention it to the audience?? HOW is she running her FINGERS through his STUBBLE?

...this is the sideburns kink all over again, isn’t it

anyway, they keep making out, blah blah, it’s getting hot and heavy, when

oh no! has the Dicksona been suffering from amnesia? how tragic! guys i’m starting a gofundme for the Dicksona please chip in if you can 💕

anyway, Bella drags Edward up to her bedroom, he describes in great detail the “dark wood” bed complete with “fuck-off gossamer mosquito net,” and then tells us he doesn’t notice his surroundings because he’s so horny for Bella.

....erika. just a little writing tip. you don’t get to describe Edward’s surroundings in minute, Antiques Roadshow detail and then tell us he doesn’t notice them. that’s not how storytelling works in the first fucking person.

anyway, Bella gives him a blowjob

“using her teeth”

and then they have sex. erika makes sure to tell us all about such pertinent details as bella’s

well at least one of them showers.

we’re also told about her steel nipples.

then Edward calls her “homely,” which I know can also mean “cozy and familiar,” but I can’t get past the meaning of “ugly.”

and of course, the scene wouldn’t be complete without Edward once again reminding us that Bella is his safe haven.

anyway. that’s all that’s notable about this particular humdrum sex scene.

still in bed, Edward asks Bella to marry him. before she can answer, they’re interrupted by “the fucking doorbell.”

y a w l 

that’s right, it’s Jasper! none other than the fucksmith himself. 

Edward reacts with the calm stability he’s renowned for

and demands that Bella answer his marriage proposal right that second. Bella tells him it’s complicated.

then she throws on some clothes and goes downstairs to see Jasper. Edward is appalled that she’s talking to “that fucksmith” while going commando.

and then. and then we get the GAYEST PASSAGE imaginable. fasten your seatbelts:

that’s right. Edward...wants Jasper...to see him half-naked with his fly undone.

safe haven is a story about unrequited Edward/Jasper and the tragedy of comp het actually

it doesn’t help that one of the next sentences is:

yeah, Edward. I bet you wish he was. bet you wish he was getting ALL up on them.

Edward—who has been explicitly told to leave Bella alone and let her talk to Jasper—shows up to half-nakedly interrupt their conversation and mark his territory. then he promises to go “back upstairs” and leaves the room, but hangs around to eavesdrop on the rest of their conversation because he’s a controlling piece of shit.

at first, Jasper tries to make a graceful exit, but when Bella gets tearful and starts pleading (girl why? you don’t like him), he snaps at her that she’s obviously made her bed and she can lie in it (I hear it’s dark wood and has fuck-off mosquito netting!)

and with that, the luminous-hazel-eyed fucksmith drops the mic and leaves.

Bella wanders back into her bedroom and tells Edward she wanted to let Jasper down easily, which. bad job there. she also apologizes in a way that makes it sound like she’s about to re-re-break up with him, and “the abyss opens its foul mouth” before him. it’s no Dicksona, but this abyss sure gets mentioned a lot.

but of course Bella isn’t breaking up with him—she’s just confessing that she’s pregnant! 

Edward tells her he already knows, and when she asks how, he says

but wait, erika, I thought mad meant crazy? my little american brain can’t comprehend this sentence! I shan’t ever be able to make sense of all these erudite britishisms. ‘tis all too advanced.

Edward tells Bella about Emmett’s dumpster diving and narcing, and she’s totally cool with it. she didn’t tell Edward she was pregnant because she was afraid he’d leave her.

but she...had already...left him. make it make sense, erika

Bella doesn’t understand why a “hot shot movie star” like Edward would ever want to be saddled with a filthy rich, mansion-owning cello prodigy like little old her. Edward interrupts by proposing to her yet again (for those of you keeping track, this is the third time,) only this time it’s Worse.

okay, first of all this is horrible for me personally because my parents got engaged in the middle of Siberia and the only available ring for sale was an earring, so. thank you, erika, for permanently ruining my family history.

second of all,

the absolute audacity of this man.

put yourself in SH!Bella’s shoes for a second and imagine your kazillionaire movie star boyfriend proposing to you with your own earring that he stole. 

like, obviously erika was trying for romantic spontaneity here, but a) it’s not spontaneous when it’s the third time this has happened, and b) he flew across the ocean with the explicit intention of winning Bella back. he couldn’t have stopped and purchased a ring at some point? he made everyone pull over at Tiffany’s on the way to the Oscars, for fuck’s sake.

the moral of the story is “no need to spend three months’ salary when your girl has severe self-esteem issues,” because of course “Isabella Swann” (yep, we’re back to Swann) says yes. Edward reassures her that he’s cool with the whole baby thing and wants lots of kids, and tells her (out loud!) that she is his safe haven. Bella asks him to “make love to her” again and they end the chapter in

ok then.

best “fucks”

“fuck off columns or colonnades or whatever the fuck they’re called”

“fucking Atlanta”

“fucking servants”

“the fucking doorway”

“another fucking century”

“fan-fucking-tastic”

“no more Mr. Fucking nice guy” (edward)

“fucking bastard” (edward)

“a fucking marathon”

next (and final) chapter: eternal fucking flame

[gingus-arts]

AH YES ANOTHER ONE OF THESE!!! with my thoughts again ajdjsj- this is one of my favourite ships so i had to

tIME FOR ANOTHER SHIP "ESSAY." this time on keishima >:) again, the heights r just what i found on the wiki (i think it's cool that mishima is taller than keiji, his height fits him) and their sexualities & ages are a mix of what i've seen and what i think fits. which is to say, i saw this neat fanart of mishima being gay sjdhfns. generally i think they go together really well so let's start!

1. big spoon vs. little spoon — i just think keiji would want to be the big spoon asjhfshfn. mishima wouldn't be too set on either but he'd default to being the little spoon most of the time just cos keiji likes to be the opposite

2. lends clothes vs. borrows clothes — i think it'd be harder for mishima to lend keiji clothes with keiji being such a Beefy Boi, but he'd be totally okay lending whatever would fit him, generally stuff like ties and other accessories. i could also see mishima borrowing clothes once in a while, like if he forgot to do laundry and needed a dress shirt for work (it's not ideal because it'd be a bit baggy, but it's better than nothing) or if he wanted something comfortable to wear at home. he'd probably always ask keiji before he borrows things despite keiji saying that he doesn't need to, and he starts asking less as they're together longer (since he doesn't do it often anyway)

3. doesn't use pet names vs. uses pet names — mishima just doesn't seem like one for nicknames or pet names KFJSJDN. keiji absolutely does though— i think keiji would be more likely to flirt overtly in general so it just makes sense that he'd use pet names more. he'd probably stuff like "babe" a lot lol. but also, mishima would use an occasional "my love" whenever he's feeling lovey dovey (also this bouta sound hella cheesy but the way he says keiji's name sometimes is a term of endearment in itself)

4. extroverted vs. introverted — i think keiji would be kind of extroverted in the sense that he likes being around people (even if he's not particularly talkative, he can hold a conversation decently) and would prefer that to being alone, mostly because being around other people makes it easier to distract himself from his thoughts. i don't think he'd be drained by social situations either, but moreso envigorated by them (most of the time, anyway). that last part goes for mishima too! i think mishima would be significantly more extroverted than keiji just cos he seems extremely open to talking with everyone and seems to connect easily with them (and, he also seems more likely to persuade or push people into conversation than keiji is) though mishima is comfortable with having time alone too.

5. affection thru words vs. affection thru actions — i think keiji would generally have a hard time getting out affectionate words, so he just settles for doing small things like getting mishima food when he's @ work and kissing him or putting his arm around him. i think mishima would say really sweet stuff to keiji sometimes (though it's often more subtle & poetic than a straight up "i love you") and also compliment him often, so he'd be pretty comfortable voicing his affections, though he also does stuff with his actions.

6. confesses first vs. waits for confession — mishima just has a lot more confidence and self-esteem than keiji so i think he'd feel more comfortable opening himself up to rejection,,, though he would get the same nervousness about it that everyone gets. keiji distanced himself from even the possibility of being /friends/ with mishima, there's no way he'd think mishima would want to handle the burden of being his s/o, and it's possible he would just flat out deny that mishima likes him even if it's really obvious, if mishima doesn't say it upfront. so, he wouldn't even be waiting for a confession, he'd just try to get rid of his feelings (he'd probably feel somewhat guilty for "spoiling" their friendship with his feelings.) there is a small, small chance he'd tell mishima in a very unceremonious, way too casual sort of way, but this would definitely be an impulsive decision and he'd decide against doing it if he didn't blurt out in the minute he considered it (if that makes sense)

7. screams about bugs vs. squashes bugs with shoe — i just think it'd be funny if mishima was afraid of bugs LOL, tho i think it'd be more accurate to say that he's intrigued by bugs as a knowledgeable person (fr he just seems like he'd know a bunch of random ass information about a shit load of things) but likes to keep his distance from them. even though he's unnerved when they get too close to him, though, he makes an effort to not kill them. keiji does not care lol he'll just squash

8. drives the car vs. can't drive lol — i don't think keiji would necessarily be a bad driver, but i don't think he'd be good at it for one main reason– anxiety, or specifically, ptsd. the loud noises that sometimes come with driving, honking horns, the sharp rush of air and tires on gravel when a car passes you by, i think, could get overwhelming if he was in a relatively busy area. i don't think he'd be too good at concentrating either, he seems like he'd be somewhat prone to zoning out. mishima would Definitely be better at concentrating at keiji, and even if he zones out a bit, he's driven more than keiji (assuming,, he drives 2 work) and isn't bothered by loud noises. i don't think keiji would be too keen on admitting his problems with driving but mishima would probably pick up on it after it then call keiji out on it, /then/ he'd insist on driving most of the time.

9. can't cook for shit vs. makes dinner — i Actually Have a specific cooking hc for keiji which is that he can cook pretty basic things just fine, but he doesn't really feel the need to cook for himself so he barely cooks. like, if he was living alone, he'd probably live off of fast food and microwave meals KDJSJDN. now, if he was living with mishima- i think he'd moreso let mishima take care of the cooking, considering that mishima is Actually Good At It, but would offer help getting ingredients out or anything else mishima might need. if he wants to surprise mishima or give him a break from cooking, he'll order something to eat instead of cooking bc 1) his cooking ranges from mediocre to kinda bad and 2) he knows how to cook like 4 meals tops and 3) he doesn't want to embarrass himself lol (tho he won't admit that he doesn't want to..) mishima may coax him into at some point, though, and in that case, he'd try it out.

10. dislikes pda vs. loves pda — i think mishima would like to stay professional & within social norms in public, but he wouldn't be opposed to holding hands or a kiss on the cheek. keiji, on the other hand, has Less Shame and would nearly make out with mishima if he let him lmao- i think keiji would like teasing mishima with pda to some extent

11. overprotective vs. chill going — overall i think they'd both be pretty protective over each other! mishima seems like a protective person in general, (presumably that kinda comes with how nurturing he is) so i think that'd go doubly for his boyfriend with mental health problems up the wazoo who DOES NOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF NEARLY ENOUGH.... i think keiji might get annoyed with mishima's overprotectiveness but mishima stands firm in it and keiji eventually comes to recognize it less as a lack of trust & babying him, and more as a sign that mishima cares about him (and occasionally, is concerned about him.) i also think keiji would be protective over mishima, just as a base level of people he cares about, but less so than mishima is over him because mishima's pretty well adjusted and generally doesn't need protection from anything (except bugs maybe, lol)

12. has more relationship experience vs. has NO relationship experience — ok so,, i'm a little conflicted on my takes here, because if i was going with canon, it wouldn't make sense that mishima is gay because he was skeptical of kugie's same sex relationship, /unless/ he hadn't figured out his sexuality yet, which is not entirely implausible (or, if it's the internalized homophobia hittin-) i still want to headcannon him as gay so imma go with those explanations. however, if that's the case, it doesn't make sense to have him date any younger than he is now– unless, he had a serious case of comp het, which is also plausible. that may have helped him understand how relationships work, but they wouldn't be truly fulfilling if he's gay. if we're taking the relationship experience to be inclusive of platonic relationships, though, mishima would definitely have more experience than keiji. and whether we're talking platonic or romantic with keiji, i don't think he'd have very much AJDHDJ. i think he'd have like 2 or 3 girlfriends when he was younger, but nothing serious, and i don't think he'd have any really strong friendships either, in school i think it'd mostly just be the type of friends that u don't rly hang around with too often after school & then you kinda just don't see them afterwards, and in adult life it'd be coworkers, so like,, even less of a purely friendship thing. i think not having a support system would really jack him up when the trauma hit bUT i'm getting off topic so let's move on!

13. HORNY LEVEL — keiji is a horny fool don't @ me, mishima is a functional level of horniness

14. AWKWARDNESS LEVEL — so, if this was general awkwardness levels, i'd put keiji's a lot lower and mishima's a bit higher-- HOWEVER. i'm taking this 2 mean their awkwardness levels in the context of a relationship and that's why they are what they are. i would think keiji is pretty awkward in romance due to his constant deflection and tendency to distance himself– mishima would be better suited to it but A Bit Unsure either because he hasn't had relationships before or he hasn't had relationships with men before. figuring out gey things. ah but yeah i dunno, i didn't come to a conclusion in my previous rant on this :')

15. JEALOUSY LEVEL — i think keiji would b jealous mostly because he's insecure and feels like he's not enough for mishima. he wouldn't voice it and would just try to get over it, though mishima would probably notice him pouting or being a little distant. mishima, on the other hand, is quite secure in himself, and even when he isn't, i don't think he would feel particularly jealous. i feel like he'd be really happy when keiji gets close 2 other people and makes friends and stuff because that'd be good for him.

[rosesisupposes]

Other Half

hi i was haunted with the idea of subverting a soulmate trope after a chat with @potestessemagishomosexualitatis and it evolved in like a day on discord so here y’all go!

relationships: brotherly prinxiety, QPR moceit, romantic royality, implied/eventual anxceit

content tags: musician roman, techie/sound-guy Virgil, deaf Patton, QPRs, amatonormativity, soulmates & lack thereof, happy ending

word count: 2,847

read on ao3

Roman has half a soulmark, waiting to make skin contact with his Soulmate to finally be completed.

His brother, not so much.

Context: In this world, soulmates have half a symbol somewhere on their skin, each with one half. When soulmates have skin contact for the first time, both marks complete. The amatonormativity (prioritizing romantic love) is very strong, despite the fact that soulmates have frequently been platonic, not just romantic. It’s still a rather progressive idea, similar to gay marriage, and the traditions and stories are all centered around that romantic ideal. In that vein, some people have thirds or fourth of a mark would need to contact all their soulmates to have a complete mark. Marks are very much for One Person (or, occasionally, Two or Three Specific People), and so not everyone meets their mate. Not everyone has the means. They could be anywhere in the world! But unfortunately, there's still an idea that even if you're with a partner, you'd leave them if you met your soulmate, and that other relationship are just settling.

⁂

Enter two brothers.

Roman goes starry-eyed over stories of meet-cutes and surprise soulmates. He wants to know if he'll feel it, as his mark completes. Someday, when he meets his Someone™️!!!

And then his brother, Virgil.

Virgil... doesn't have a mark. He's not sure he's heard of that before. He has some freckles, but those fade with the seasons. Soulmarks don't fade.

Roman has half a circle, and it either has petals or rays around it. A flower or a sun, he thinks. It's right on his bicep, so he frequently goes sleeveless, and greets new people by taking both their hands in his every time. Just in case.

Lots of people do that- but it makes Virgil uncomfortable. Even if he knows he'll never be the one to trigger someone's mark, he hates knowing that's what everyone expects. He'd rather keep his hands to himself. He wears his big baggy hoodie to avoid the expectant stares of people looking for his mark, and avoids skin contact as much as he can.

They grow up in a family without a ton of resources, so neither can afford to take the 'Soul Year' some teens do where they travel before going into higher education. But Roman's determined that his career will help him meet hundreds, no, thousands of people, and he will find his soulmate!

Virgil really doesn't love the whole soulmate thing, the obsession with it, the constant reminder that he doesn’t have one and will never have one. But he does love his brother.

He tries, sometimes, to temper Roman's excitement just to make sure it doesn't hurt too much if he never finds The One. But mostly he just listens as Roman waxes poetic about his hypothetical love.

Roman, for several years, went silent, assuming Virgil wouldn't want to hear it. But Virgil has just kinda accepted it, you know? He's basically like everyone who never ends up meeting their mate, except he gets to skip the years of doubt and worry that their mate might suddenly appear at any time. He knows from the get-go. He’ll never have to look back with regret or sorrow, never have to worry about disrupted relationships, never need to mourn that his hypothetical mate might have died before he could meet them. It’s fine, really.

Roman becomes a singer and songwriter, and acts on the side. Virgil does his cover art and helps him with the sound-mixing. They're a great team - and they always have been.

Virgil makes friends with the roadies and techies, happy to leave Roman in the spotlight. He dates, sometimes. It's easier when they go on tour- a short international stay means no promises, no uncomfortable conversations about the future, no intrusive knowledge of a partner's Someone™️ out there.

After years of touring, Roman is internationally known and recognized. But he's also starting to lose hope.

He's lost count of all the meet-and-greets he's been to, how many hands he's grabbed from the stage into the crowd. He makes sure to at least high-five every roadie and tech, every opening act or announcer. His songs range from fantastical to domestic, from sweet and bubbly to sorrowful and yearning, and he loves creating, he does. But he knows there's someone out there for him, and he wants to meet them so, so badly.

They're in Paris for a show, and Virgil and Roman are strolling along the Seine. It's Spring, Roman's favorite time of year, and all the trees are in bloom. It looks like something out of a Hallmark movie.

Roman sighs heavily.

Virgil bumps him with an elbow. "Hey, no moping. That's my aesthetic, no stealing."

"Vee, what if I don't ever meet them?"

"Ro-"

"I know I should keep hoping, but- I've touched so many people and still haven't found them, what if I never will?"

"Then you'll be like most of us, Ro. Find love & companionship the new way: with hard work and dating apps."

Roman nods, but sighs again. "I just... really wanna, Vee." His voice is small, like a pouting kid. 

"I know. I hope you do."

They keep walking, but Roman's practically shuffling. On the one hand, he is a fucking drama queen.

On the other hand, Virgil wants him to feel better. 

Rolling his eyes, Virgil orders ice cream from a vendor in clumsy but serviceable French and presents Roman with his sprinkle-covered cone. Just like he knew it would, it perks him up immediately.

"Chocolate! My favorite!!"

"How are you possibly older than me. You are five."

"I just have childlike wonder, not a well of ennui!"

"Fuckin' dork."

"Edgy poser."

"Prima donna."

"Nerd."

Distracted, Roman walks straight into a man looking off at the river. He stumbles and trips and they both fall.

"Oh goodness gracious, forgive me, excusez moi, je suis desole! Pardonnez-moi!" he rattles off.

The man smiles, and his hands dance. Virgil realizes he's signing. Sorry, I didn't see you there!

 Luckily, Virgil understands it - he’s taken classes in ASL, just for kicks.

Roman knows very little sign, but he learned a couple of phrases. Sorry!

Virgil adds, It was our fault, we weren't watching.

Virgil recognizes the starry-eyed look on his brother's face. It's yet another Infatuation At First Sight, where he throws his whole heart into hoping. 

"Vee, Vee, ask him his name please?" he says, smiling for all he's worth at the curly-haired man in front of him.

Before Virgil gets a chance, he sees the man's eyes flick up and past them, and he breaks into a sunny smile. (Virgil might actually understand his brother's infatuation, for once)

Another person comes over, holding two ice creams. Virgil does a slight double-take. Like him, this newcomer chooses not to show very much skin. But they've covered even their hands. Ice cream somehow looks funny in a gloved hand.

Handing one to the first man, they start signing with one hand, far faster than he can follow. He catches a couple of signs he recognizes - gestures to himself & Roman, are you okay, something that either is we're late or shoo.

The first man is still smiling, though, and whatever he says must be okay, because the newcomer turns to them. They speak with a lilting accent, something not quite Parisian. "Please forgive my barging in- I can't exactly call for Patton from across the walkway.  My name is Dante. And you are?"

"I'm Roman, and this is Virgil, and it is wonderful to meet you!"

Virgil signs along with his brother's words, and sees Patton's eyes crinkle happily as he greets them both.

Roman has clearly also noticed Dante's gloves, but turns to Patton. With a slight bit of hesitation, he speaks and signs at once, "May I shake your hand?"

Virgil is sure he's not imagining the minute pursing of Dante's lips, but Patton's nodding and reaching out and so is Roman.

Roman is clearly holding his breath, and Virgil is too, both braced for opposite outcomes. But Patton's small, tan hand is wrapped in Roman's larger one and both sets of eyes are huge. 

Virgil's eyes flick to Roman's bicep, exposed as always, the white mark a stark contrast to his dark skin, looking like a sun or maybe a flower and-

"Holy shit-" Virgil breathes.

Roman, however, is not looking at his arm. He's staring directly into Patton's dark eyes with a smile that looks confused and elated all at once, and their hands haven't parted. 

Patton's eyes are just a huge, even huger thanks to his glasses.

"It's you," Roman says, wonder in his voice. Patton seems to read his lips, because he smiles somehow even bigger than before and signs It's you! back.

And sure enough, the mark on Roman's arm is a full circle, a full sun or flower, and Virgil's head is reeling.

Virgil's not sure what to say- the two soulmates seem content to keep staring and smiling and holding hands. But Virgil's just... nervous. Soulmate or not, this ‘Patton’ is a stranger, but Roman looks like he might never move from his side. Fuck, they can't even communicate both ways, Roman knows practically no sign and he just used up the only full sentence he’s ever learned.

He looks nervously at Patton's companion. Dante is staring too, seemingly unaware of the ice cream dripping down their glove.

Dante starts to sign something, realizes Patton can't see them, reaches out to tap Patton on the shoulder, then stops before they can touch, hand falling to their side. They look down and finally notice their ice cream, and blanch, pulling out napkins to clean their glove before it stains.

Virgil digs into his knapsack and pulls out a wet wipe and offers it. "This might help more."

Dante looks up, staring at Virgil without a shred of comprehension until Virgil waves the wipe once more. They take it with a quiet, "Merci."

They turn away, wiping off their glove and tossing the rest of their ice cream into the trash. They wiggle their fingers, clearly uncomfortable with the damp fabric. 

Virgil shifts awkwardly. He should say something, but what do you even say in this situation? He has no idea what their relation is to Pat- oh fuck, what if they were dating and Roman's just swooped in and ruined it?

In his tried-and-true method of awkward small talk with new roadies in new cities, he says, in French, "So, Paris, yeah? Know any good cafes near here?"

Dante shakes themself a bit and turns to look at Virgil. "Ah, yes. There's a patisserie just on the next block. Shall we relocate them and stop blocking the tourists?"

Virgil nods and looks over at his brother. He weighs his options of interruption, and decides on flicking Roman in the temple.

"Ow! Fuck! Vee!?!"

"You're blocking traffic, dumbass."

"I'm having a moment."

"Well come have a mocha. You can keep having your moment and I can have coffee. C'mon." 

He sees Dante signing to Patton too, explaining the plan but much more politely. Roman and Patton continue holding hands, but follow them down the block.

They get Roman and Patton sitting at a table in a picturesque cafe, and walk to the bar to order. Virgil orders his go-to of a double shot and gets Roman his mocha. Dante orders themself a latte and a vanilla cappuccino for Patton. Sitting at the bar waiting, Virgil looks over.

"So. That lunkhead over there is my brother."

Dante nods. "And Patton is my. Well. You might not know what it means, so don't immediately freak out, okay? But it's called a queerplatonic partner."

Virgil can feel the nervousness melt away. "Oh, phew. Yeah, I know what it means. So Roman's not homewrecking by being a discovered soulmate?"

"Well. I certainly hope not. But I know not everyone really, uh. Gets it. Especially with the soulmate sh- stuff. Things."

Virgil grins. "You were about to say soulmate shit, weren't you."

"...No."

"You're a terrible liar."

Dante winks. "I might surprise you."

Virgil raises an eyebrow. "Oh that's how we're gonna play it?"

"I don't play, monsieur. I just win."

"Okay then, here's a test. Why the gloves?"

Dante automatically goes to adjust them, and looks up at Virgil. Their eyes drift down to his hoodie and back up. "I think you know exactly why."

"You don't have-?"

"Nope. I don't have one either."

"I thought I was-"

"The only one?"

"Apparently not."

Virgil looks over at Patton, sitting with Roman. They don't seem to be even attempting to talk still, just staring and holding hands.

"With the QPP- are you aromantic? Do you think that's why?" He gestures vaguely at their whole body, but he’s never been quite as elegant in his gestures as Roman is.

Dante opens their mouth to speak, but stops, and sighs. "That's what I've been saying. It was easier, to say maybe this was for a purpose. And I do love Patton with all my platonic heart and I will kill your brother if he hurts him."

"The feeling’s mutual."

"But, no. I'm not fully aro. I still have romantic attraction and all that, I've just been guaranteed that even if I want it, I'll always be someone's secondary love so. Might as well lean in, right? Make the system work somewhat in my favor?"

Virgil opens his mouth to respond, to object, when the barista calls out their drinks, and then they're carefully carrying full mugs across the cafe and finding a table next to the couple.

Patton appears to be teaching Roman how to sign his name. Roman is even managing to pay attention.

"I get that, uh, reluctance. The playing-it-safe thing," Virgil says quietly, so only Dante can hear. "We travel a lot. That's a good excuse to avoid the whole fucking system. No conversations about who'll leave who when the mark shows up, because I'll be leaving in a month, tops. And people looking for hookups barely poke you to check for the mark before just... getting on with life. No expectations, no holding their breath or unrealistic disappointment."

Dante smiles weakly. "Well, good to know for when I need to start dating. I think I'm about to have a lot more free time."

"Until Roman needs to travel on again. We're here for three full weeks, but-"

"What is it you do, that you both travel so much?"

"You know Sun Prince, the singer?"

"Yeah?"

"You're looking at him," Virgil says wryly, tipping his head in Roman's direction.

Dante's eyes go wide. "Oh, that's why he looks familiar."

"So Patton probably didn’t recognize him either?"

"Nah, he tends to like EDM and electronic things the most, for the bassline. Clubbing with a deaf partner is great - the priority is just feeling the music, and we don't have to yell to hear each other."

Virgil and Dante continue to chat quietly on casual topics, but Virgil's leg is bouncing. He wants to ask the bigger questions, but it feel like prying. It's none of his business, really, right? 

But it's Roman's happiness on the line. And Virgil will do anything and everything to protect his brother. Even if it means awkwardness.

"So, uh. Did y'all have the Conversation™️ before now?"

Dante raises a questioning eyebrow in response.

"The 'what happens if he meets his soulmate' conversation. Don't tell me Pat's the only one you've ever dated?"

Dante blinks in a way that implies that were they a lesser being, they might have blushed. "Actually, he is. But yes, we've had that conversation. I'll never get in the way of Pat's romantic love and his soulmate… destiny, ou comme tu veux. I just want to still have a part in his life."

They're tugging at their gloves again, even though their face remains smooth. Virgil recognizes a nervous tic when he sees one. And god does he recognize the sentiment.

Not that any of his past partners had ever wanted to stick around in return. Why would they? He wasn't their soulmate. They hadn't decided to "settle" yet.

"I can't speak for him, but- I think Roman will be open to that," Virgil offers. "He loves performing, so we'll probably still be traveling a fair amount. But I mean. I think he'd understand that you two are a unit the same way me and him are. Like, yeah, we're brothers, but we've been each other's lifeline our whole lives, and that's not about to change. Even if he's finally found his Other Half."

Dante looks up gratefully. "I can tell you love him. And- I hope you're right."

"I should be. If Roman's a dick about it, I'll smack him upside the head."

That surprises a laugh out of Dante. They finally pull off their glove entirely, shaking it out and letting it dry on the table. "I won't interfere with them, you'll encourage Roman to not interfere with us. Do we have a deal, then?"

They offer their bare hand to shake. For once, Virgil doesn't hesitate, but takes it immediately.

Skin hits skin. Virgil finds an agreeable little shudder running down his spine as he appreciates for the first time how attractive this person is. Elegant chestnut curls, heterochromatic eyes that are dancing with delight, and disarming smile. 

Dante winks as they withdraw their hand. "What, not going to check for your completed mark now, just in case?"

Virgil grins back. "No, but I can help you look for yours later, if you want."

"Is that a proposition? Monsieur, goodness, you move fast," Dante replies, fluttering their eyelashes.

Virgil shrugs. "It could be one. You know, we're clearly gonna be around each other a lot. They found each other the old fashioned way. Maybe we could try something a bit... less traditional."

Dante smiles. "I'd like that a lot, Virgil. Should we break into cloud nine over there and ask them about the future now?"

Virgil nods. Soulmark or not, the future's looking pretty good.

tag list: @residentanchor @royally-anxious @jemthebookworm @arandompasserby  @sparkly-rainbow-salt ​@thelowlysatsuma @adorably-angsty @max-is-tired @almostoveranalyzed @hawthornshadow @mariniacipher and obligatory royality tag @notveryglittery and anxceit tag @vintage-squid

[kusunogatari]

[ ObiRyū October | Day Ten | Trash ] [ @abyssaldespair ] [ Uchiha Obito, Suigin Ryū, Hatake Kakashi, Nohara Rin ] [ Verse: Medical Machine ] [ Alcohol, pregnancy ]

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Nibbling the scar in his lip in concentration, Obito carefully solders another wire into place. He’s almost got this project finished...just a few more, and he should be done!

“Oi! Obito!”

His shoulders deflate with a sigh as a hand knocks on his door. “...what?”

“We’re going out for drinks - you’ve been sitting in there all day! C’mon man, let’s go!”

“But I’m -!” He exhales curtly in frustration. “I’m almost done with -?”

“Dude, your little robot will still be there when we get back! I’m tired of having to drag you kicking and screaming out to socialize,” Kakashi argues through the door. “Asuma and Gai are ready to go, and we’re meeting Genma and the others! Just get out and get some fresh air for a few hours, all right? You’re freaking me out.”

Obito scowls, but knows better than to argue. His roommates tend to make his life difficult when they want something. If he appeases them now, it will give him more free time later. “All right, fine! Let me just...change real quick.” He’s wearing his tinkering clothes, which are singed and stained.

“You’ve got three minutes!”

“Yeah, yeah…” Pulling his shirt over his head, Obito makes quick work of shifting outfits, shoving his rather thin wallet into his back pocket before heading out to meet them.

It’s not that he doesn’t like going out. He loves a good evening with drinking and friends. But it just seems like any time the rest of them are free to do so, he’s trying to get some work done! Just once he’d like to have an evening to go uninterrupted and actually finish a project.

For Obito, you see, is a tinkerer. At least, that’s what those who aren’t into the hobby call it. Ever since the introduction and normalization of robotic tech and androids, it’s really taken off. And Obito just happened to have a knack for it. He’d make all sorts of little bots when he was growing up - mostly things to help his grandmother as an unspoken thank you for bringing him up. Then he joined the robotics club in high school, winning prizes and even money at building competitions.

Which then led to him quite obviously pursuing the field in college. While he had big dreams of helping with the latest generations of androids, he’s been mostly shuffled into smaller-scale, more basic projects.

Frustrating, to say the least.

Which is why, in his free time, he works on his own models and tech. Nothing to a full android scale, but he’s...working up to it. He often scavenges parts from dumps and learns about them that way, reverse engineering the broken parts and building up his pool of knowledge.

The thing is...he doesn’t know anyone else with the interest. Kakashi is smart, but doesn’t really care about robotics. He can listen and understand what Obito’s talking about, but the bored, glazed-over look he gets only discourages Obito from sharing his new excitement any time he makes a new discovery. And the rest of their friend group, well...they only go downhill from there.

So, he keeps it mostly to himself. Which earns him a little crap from his friends, given that it makes him a bit of a hermit in his room whenever he gets in deep with a new project to tinker with. But...he’s still glad they take the time to drag him out every so often.

He’d likely be taking the hobby to an unhealthy degree by now if they didn’t…

They go on foot, their apartment not too far from downtown and plenty to do. The bright lights of the city bear down on them, billboards and signs vying for their attention for any product under the sun. But Obito ignores them, milling with the others as they discuss the goings-on of their days, their weeks. Given the divide between his interests and theirs, Obito is more of a listener more of the time, but he doesn’t mind.

That’s what forums are for: he can type novels to his heart’s content on the subject, and other like-minded tinkerers can chime in and reciprocate.

The bar they slink into is familiar, the boisterous atmosphere a welcome change from the typical quiet of their apartment. Already there, others their age from college call out in greeting. Kurenai immediately latches onto Asuma, Yugao perched atop Hayate’s lap. Anko gives them all a grin, a tankard already in hand.

And Rin greets Kakashi with a kiss and a smile.

Obito ducks into his jacket collar furtively. While several of the others are also single, he’s still the most lagged-behind in terms of romance and experience.

Kakashi blames it on his hobby.

...and Obito really can’t deny it. There are women who involve themselves in the hobby, but sadly most tend to be a bit...distant given how flocked they get. And sure, Obito likes men too, but there just hasn’t been much of a connection beyond the hobby with anyone.

And all of his roommates are straight, sadly.

Taking a seat at one end of their sizable table, he agrees to a beer, sipping it as everyone settles in and relaxes. Obito observes, chiming in where he can but mostly letting his mind wander in the white noise of conversation to how he’s going to wrap up the bot left back home on his desk.

“Obitooo!”

A while into the night, he jostles as Rin sits next to him, flushed in the face from indulging in spirits. “...hey, Rin.”

Her lips pout. “What’s that for?”

“Heh?”

“You don’t sound very excited to see me,” she retorts.

“Sorry, er...was lost in thought.”

“You’re always thinking,” she teases, fixing some of his hair and making him balk. “Don’t you ever get, like...bored of it?”

Obito can’t help a snort. “Not really, no. That’s the thing about thinking: you can do just about anything with it.”

She listens with a rather spacy expression, then swiftly changes the subject. “Obito, you need a girlfriend.”

“Wh-?”

“Y’know, ‘kashi tells me about how much you just sit in your room...s’not healthy! You need to go out sometimes, right?”

“I do go out. I’m out right now!”

“And when was the last time you were out?”

His silence required to try and remember is telling.

“M’serious, Obito...I worry about you, y’know.” She’s back to pouting. “You’ve always been so...reclusive. I don’t want you to sit in that room and not experience life…! To...to look back and realize you missed it all!”

He gives a nervous chuckle. “Rin, really - I’m fine. I’m not -?”

“M’gonna ask around my circle for a blind date for you.”

“Wh-? No, don’t do th-!”

“I know lotsa nice girls, Obito! I bet one could make you happy, huh? Just give it a tryyy, okay?”

He flounders, not sure how to get out of this one. “I, uh...look, that’s really nice, but -?”

“C’mon Rin, leave the man alone,” Kakashi then cuts in, dragging his girlfriend back to another chair and ignoring her whining. “You can pester him about it when you’re sober, hm?”

“But ‘kashiii -”

“Why don’t you go check on Kurenai? She hustled to the bathroom pretty quick, she might need some help.”

Rin’s mouth opens into an o of concern, and she scurries off with her new mission.

“...sorry about that,” Kakashi sighs. “Admittedly she’s been going on about that sober, too.”

Obito glances aside, feeling embarrassed. “...is it really that concerning?”

“You know how Rin is, she has to take care of everybody. Just tell her you don’t want a date. Might take a few tries, but she’ll take the hint.”

His lips fall into a pout. In truth, well...he’d like a date, but...not with that kind of setup. It’s all the more mortifying given that he used to like Rin so much when they were in grade school. Having her try and set him up on a date just feels...weird. “...I’ll try.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kakashi takes the chair Rin was occupying, leaning back with a beer in hand. “You’ll figure it out.”

Obito gives him a glance, not quite sure what ‘it’ is in this context.

Not long after, the hour growing late, the group agrees to disperse. Rin and Kurenai whisper at the other end of the table as they all get ready to go.

“...I think Kurenai’s pregnant.”

Obito, swigging the last of his beer, almost does a spit take at Kakashi’s blunt revelation, choking instead. “What?!”

“She hasn’t had a single drink, but was still running to the bathroom. Bet you anything it’s morning sickness and she’s pregnant. And it doesn’t seem like Asuma is sober enough to put two and two together yet.”

Gawking, Obito looks around the group. Kakashi has always been keen, and...yeah, given what he can see, it does seem to be the case. “...pregnant...oh man…”

“Life marches on, eh?” Kakashi muses. “I had a feeling they’d be the first ones to pop one out.”

...something in Obito’s gut clenches. So...someone in their group is going to have a baby. And he hasn’t even -

Kakashi interrupts the thought with a slap on his back. “C’mon, let’s head home.”

“...you guys go ahead. I...need to pick something up.”

“Whaaa…? Like what?”

“A part for my bot. I’ll just swing by the scrap heap then be back.”

“You good?”

“Yeah, I’m a little buzzed but I’m fine. Cold air will help. If I’m not back in half an hour, come looking for me, all right? You know where I’m headed.”

Kakashi stares at him for a moment, and Obito fears he’ll call his bluff. “...all right. Got your phone?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Good. Hey...be careful.”

“I will.”

Nodding, Kakashi then files out with the others, Obito bringing up the rear and splintering off to cross the street. While he doesn’t actually need any additional parts...he’s not quite ready to head home yet.

Not with so much on his mind.

Hands in his pockets and breath pluming in the air, Obito follows a familiar route. He goes to the scrapyard so often, he could probably do so in his sleep. The amount of good tech that gets thrown away honestly astounds him sometimes. But, that’s more for him to salvage and make use of, so he can’t really complain.

And it will give him something else to think about.

Reaching the edge, he slips through the fence in his usual spot, turning on his phone’s light to start looking for anything viable. Gears, wires, plating, plastic...he rummages through it all for anything that can catch his eye.

Anything that will make him forget for a moment that he’s such a black sheep among his friends. Falling behind and feeling more and more divided from them. He doesn’t want to think about kids, and dating, and getting married, and settling down...it’s all too much…!

Finding an android hand, he tugs it up to look at it, finding it stuck. Another tug, still nothing. Sighing and clenching his phone in his teeth, he uses both hands, pulls, and -

An entire body surfaces.

“Shit -!” Losing his footing in surprise, he falls over backward in a shower of parts.

...someone tossed a whole android...?!

Staring at it, he heaves himself back up and starts digging, revealing an entire robot. Well...mostly. Every part is intact save for the components kept in the torso, ripped out and severely damaged. There are deep dents along the entire body casing.

Someone beat the absolute shit out of this thing, but...why? Androids are so damn expensive...you might as well just light a bank account on fire.

Taking in the damage, Obito then looks at the face. It’s modeled to be female, with delicate features...making the deformations all the more shocking, in his opinion. The hair is white and wavy, and that makes him blink. All-white androids tend to be used in the medical field. So...wait...is this one of them?

Why the hell is a medical android so busted up and tossed for scrap? That doesn’t make any sense!

Turning her over, Obito checks the back of her neck for her model and serial number, checking it on his phone.

...it’s one of the latest models.

Okay, this is just weird.

Brow furrowing, Obito tries to puzzle this out. So someone got ahold of one of the latest medical robots on the market...ripped out most of its components...and then totally trashed it before throwing it in the dump. He can understand a potential parts robber, but there’s still so much valuable tech left! It doesn’t make any sense!

...he can’t just leave it all here.

He urges her back over to face upright, her powerless eyes a bit haunting. Androids are so realistic now, it’s like he’s staring at a real dead body. Now the only question is...how to get her back without anyone gawking at him. Including his roommates. He could disassemble her, then reassemble her back at the apartment, but he’ll need something to carry her in.

So he scrambles up to his feet, dragging her to a hidden alcove before dashing back toward home. Once there, he fishes out a duffle bag from under his bed, and a kit to take her apart.

“Whoa, you okay?” Kakashi asks, frowning.

“Yeah, fine! Found some cool stuff, can’t carry it all, so...I’ll be back!”

“But -?” Watching him dash back out, Kakashi just wilts. “...must have been a hell of a find…”

It’s almost one in the morning now, but Obito doesn’t slow down until he gets back to the scrapyard. Practiced hands break her down into smaller parts, and then he hauls the whole thing back home, furtively glancing around in case anyone thinks this is weird.

And thus just making himself look more suspicious.

But he returns unfettered, heading straight into his room and shutting the door.

He’s got a lot of work to do.

Carefully taking her back out, it takes far more time putting her back together than taking her apart. He starts making a list of her missing and damaged parts.

Man...this is gonna take a while. And given how stingy tech corps are, he can’t find any info on what’s been taken from her core.

So he texts Rin, who just so happens to be a nurse.

Hey, so this is weird, but if you could get me blueprints for a certain medical android, I’d owe you big time.

Knowing she won’t reply until she sleeps off all she drank tonight, he nonetheless gets to work. First thing’s first: carefully fix all the indentations. Then figure out if any components in her limbs were actually damaged, and either find replacements or fix them himself. Thankfully it’s almost all superficial, and he can move on to the rest of the mess: her core. There’s a lot of torn cabling and wires...that alone is going to be a nightmare. But he’s waited for so long to be able to work on a full working android model...he can’t let that faze him.

It’s late morning before Rin replies.

You realize I could lose my job for that?

But it’s really really important! Pleaseee?

...why do you need it?

Promise not to tell?

I’m already considering one illegal thing today. Why not another?

I found a Meditech android in the scrapyard, and I wanna fix her. But she’s missing some parts of her core.

Holy shit, really? You should return that! It’s hospital property!

I will! AFTER I fix her! Please Rin, you know how much I wanna get into full android work!

Several minutes pass as she clearly thinks it over.

...okay fine! I’ll try. Gimme the numbers and I’ll see what I can do.

You’re amazing, you know that?

I do, thank you.

A few hours later, she sends him the file...and Obito starts digging. As he figured, a lot of it is tech he’ll likely never get his hands on.

...legally, that is.

Thankfully he knows some people, and heads to the forum for help. Within the hour, he has trades arranged for all he’ll need.

Now to wait for shipping, and then the work...and he should have a functional android.

All the while, his roommates just figure he’s gotten himself buried into yet another timesink. Kakashi tries to sneak a peek, only for Obito to shove him back out every time.

“You can see when it’s done!”

For over a month...he barely leaves his room. Kakashi has to remind him to eat, let alone sleep. But then finally, after countless hours of work and frustration...he gives the reboot system a try.

Just barely audible in the silence is a quiet whir of tech booting up before they start running silently. Unseen, her software begins powering up , a diagnostic completed before she can begin to function. Sat in his computer chair, she’s completely still for several minutes.

Obito chews his lip, wondering if this is going to work.

And then...her bowed head lifts, and eyes open. They blink once, twice, subtly taking in her surroundings before focusing on Obito.

“...ID?” he asks.

Another blink - man, she looks so real…! “Meditech at-home care android model V-seven-nine. Serial number four eight two, nine nine seven three, zero zero zero zero.”

Huh...an at-home model. So she wasn’t at the hospital, but living with a patient. “Name?”

“My data bank is empty. Would you like to register a name?”

Oh shoot, that part of her memory was erased...or was never filled in the first place. He hesitates for a long moment. “...er...register name: Ryū.”

There’s a moment’s pause as it’s committed to her memory. “...I am Ryū. How may I help you today?”

And so begins his own check, running through as many system operations as he can think of to ensure nothing is on the fritz or damaged. All the while, ‘Ryū’ answers every question, performing scans and reporting all functioning as normal.

“...holy shit,” he then breathes. “I did it. I actually fixed you.”

“Would you like to register a patient?”

“...what is your patient registry?”

“No data available.”

“...run a patient registry scan for past entries.”

Another small pause. “...no data available.”

“...so you never got programmed. Seems to me you either never arrived at your destination, or...you were stolen from them early on. But why only take your core components and then trash the rest of you...?”

She doesn’t reply, the question rhetorical.

He sits on his bed with a thoughtful sigh, rubbing his chin before shooting Rin another text.

So...she’s up and working. Seems she was programmed for at-home care. Any records from the hospital of one of them going missing?

Hm...not from ours...give me a minute and I’ll check elsewhere.

As he waits, Obito watches the android. She just...sits, perfectly still, occasionally glancing around and blinking as programmed to appear more human and less unsettling. As he has several times while working on her, he can’t help but marvel at how far android tech has come over the years. She really does look human.

...and then there’s the question some ask about the humanity in a machine. If they can learn enough to be considered sentient. Some fear it, others embrace it, and a few even demand their freedom as equals to humans.

Obito...well, for the most part, he’s in the middle. It’s amazing technology, but...still technology. Can it become sentient? Maybe. He’s never seen full proof of it, at least not yet. As for being treated like a human, well...he’s pretty iffy on that.

But the longer he watches her, the more he wonders. Then his phone buzzes.

So I checked every hospital in the county, and nothing. No reported losses or thefts. I’ll check at the state level, but I mean...that’s pretty far, given where you found her.

His brow furrows. All right, thanks. What should I do with her in the meantime?

I mean...you can bring it in, we can always use it. But officially, we dunno where it belongs, so...y’know. Up to you, I guess. Unless I find something.

Well, all right then.

...now what?

In truth, he’s getting excited. If no one can claim her...maybe he can keep her! Obito does have his share of chronic conditions from his accident when he was young...he could probably make use of her. But does he really need to keep her, or...is he just geeking out about having an android?

As if sensing his thoughts, she looks to him, head tilting.

...he has to admit, her casing is really pretty. But it’s just an empty shell for a highly advanced computer.

...isn’t it?

...there have been rumors. Of AI going rogue in androids along the east coast. Nothing confirmed by the manufacturers of course, but the forum buzzes about it every time a supposed account leaks. The androids break their programming limitations, making decisions outside their parameters, and acting irrationally.

...acting human.

No one’s sure yet what causes it, but...it makes him wonder. Maybe he can use her as a bit of an experiment. See if he can replicate the supposed ‘malfunctions’.

But for now, he better wait until Rin exhausts all other avenues. He doesn’t want to mess around with a stolen android. But...that doesn’t mean he can’t at least interact with her.

“Hey, Ryū.”

“Yes?”

“My right shoulder is sore.”

She blinks, and then gives a smile. “If you’d like, I can perform massage therapy to try and ease tension in the muscles. I can also utilize acupuncture if you prefer.”

Her language is so….stiff. But whoever did her voice did a great job for a medical android - soft and comforting, clearly meant to ease patient stress. “Let’s try the massage therapy.”

“Please, have a seat.” She rises from his chair, letting him take it instead before asking, “Are you comfortable removing your shirt?”

He hesitates a moment. “...sure.” Pulling at the garment, he tosses it on his bed. Beneath are the plethora of scars from the accident that nearly crippled him in grade school.

Even if she isn’t human, he can’t help a surge of self consciousness.

...and then something odd happens.

So light he barely feels it, she runs fingertips over the hardened tissue. “...I do not have access to your medical records. May I inquire what caused this scarring?”

Another pause - he hates going over this, but...well, he supposes it’s relevant. “...accident when I was young. I was struck by a car. I’ve got a lot of pins and plating from putting me back together.” After a pause, he jokes, “Makes going to the airport quite a hassle, heh.”

She doesn’t reply, and just keeps...mapping out the marks.

“...is it in the way?”

Her focus seems to return. “No. But it will help me to diagnose and solve other issues in the future. Thank you.” She then adjusts her posture and starts working at the knotted muscle in his back.

And...dang, she’s really good at this.

With pinpoint precision, she finds and soothes at the sore spot, and soon enough Obito is a puddle in his chair. Twenty minutes later, the pain is entirely gone.

“How do you feel?”

Slowly sitting up, he rolls his shoulder. “...great! Thanks.”

She smiles again. “You’re welcome! Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“As a brief reminder, I am also outfitted with custodial knowledge, and if your medical dependency is severe enough, I am programmed to handle housework, assistance with day to day activities, and escorting you out of your home if desired.”

That ears a blink. “...seriously?”

To his surprise, she laughs. “Seriously! I am a full home-care model, and can handle all regular duties of a human caretaker to an even more sophisticated and efficient degree. And should you find any of my programming insufficient, you need only contact my manufacturer, and they can arrange a software upgrade to handle your individual needs.”

...huh. He wasn’t expecting all...that. “And, er...do I need documentation to have you upgraded? Your receipt or anything?”

There’s a pause, and he can tell she’s checking her internal manual for an answer. “I’m sorry, but I do not have the information you’re looking for on hand. Please contact my manufacturer for clarification.”

Well, shoot...if he does end up keeping her, that might pose a problem. He supposes he can always take her to a less legal place to have her tinkered with...at least, anything beyond his own capabilities. He might be able to find bootleg copies of any new software, but given all she sounds like she’s capable of, that shouldn’t be a problem anyway.

“Oi, are you done in here yet? Who are you talking to?”

Stiffening, Obito doesn’t have enough time to get to the door, and Kakashi opens it up.

...and stares.

“...am I...interrupting something?”

Bright red at Kakashi’s clear assumption, Obito blurts, “I-it’s not what it looks like!”

“Hello!” Ryū then offers.

Kakashi perks a brow. “...hi. And you are…?”

“I am a Meditech at-home care android. I have been named Ryū. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

...he blinks. “...you have an android?”

“She’s what I found in the scrapyard last month. I just finished putting her back together!”

“A whole-ass android was in the scrapyard?”

“Yeah! Rin’s been helping me figure out how to fix her. And now, er...she’s fixed!”

“...huh. And uh...does it belong to someone?”

“Rin’s checking. No records yet. So, I...might get to keep her…?”

“Well it better pay rent. And if you get frisky with it, keep it down, all right?”

Flaring red again, Obito gives a holler, throwing a shoe as Kakashi closes the door. Said shoe bounces harmlessly to the floor.

“Stupid Kakashi...as if…”

“If it addresses the issue at hand, I am equipped with -”

“No! No no!” Obito cuts in, face about to explode as he interrupts her. “I already know that, I saw when I was reassembling you! I don’t need it!”

She blinks. “...heightened aggression and tension in male patients can sometimes be attributed to pent-up se-”

“NO!” Oh lord he’s going to die from embarrassment. “I...I don’t need that, okay? Kakashi is just getting on my nerves. It’s fine.”

“Would you like me to check your blood pressure?”

“...no, I’m fine.”

“Perhaps you’re hungry! Could I fix you something to eat?”

...she’s not going to stop, is she? “Okay, sure. But uh...I live with three other people. Kakashi was one, Asuma and Gai are the others.” Though Asuma, if Obito remembers right, is looking for a place to live with Kurenai and their soon-to-be baby.

“That’s no problem! I’m capable of adjusting any recipe in my index to suit as many household members as necessary.”

...well, might as well get this over with.

Asuma just chuckles at the sight of her, and Gai marvels at “this brilliant new technology” until Kakashi convinces him to stop.

And while she’s cooking, Rin sends Obito a text.

So how much do you love me, bff of mine?

...a lot? Why?

So no registry records in the entire state. So I looked that serial number up, and guess what?

What?

There’s no match for it. It wasn’t part of any official manufacturing run.

Obito gawks at his screen. So, what...she’s a bootleg?

No, seems she’s legit given what all you told me. It’s more like...someone went in to the factory, made ONE android, and made off with it after clearing the record of its assembly. To the system registry, it doesn’t exist.

He has to sit down for a moment, the background noise of the guys peppering Ryū with questions going unnoticed. ...so what do I do?

I’m not sure. I mean the RIGHT thing to do would be to turn it in, but...I mean, there’s also no proof you stole it or anything. But nor that you bought it. It’s a really weird grey area. My guess is...someone made an off-the-record ‘droid to try and steal the technology from the company for their own.

Obito stills. ...that’s why only some of her components were missing. That was all the thief needed.

Exactly.

...well, I...guess I’ll think it over.

Sure. Lemme know if you need anything else, kay?

Will do.

Obito puts his phone to sleep, stunned. An off-the-record robot. And he just happened to find her.

...now what should he do with her?

His thoughts are broken as laughter rings out, and he looks up to see Ryū smiling as everyone points at Gai, a pancake perfectly centered on his head from her pan.

...if he didn’t know any better, he’d think she was real.

Well, for now, he’ll just...keep her here. If anyone else finds out her origins, he might have to turn her over. Thoughts start turning. Maybe someone on the forum can help him forge some documents for her. Shouldn't be that hard. Then maybe he can keep her.

...it’s been barely an hour and he already feels attached, damn it.

“Oi, Obito!”

His focus returns. “Huh?”

“What would you like on your pancake?” Ryū asks after Kakashi gets his attention.

“...uh, just...butter and syrup, please.”

She gives another smile, and he feels his chest clench.

...oh no.

     Aaand I went overboard again xD BUT I haven’t gotten to use this verse yet, so...I indulged lol      Not very, uh...traditional? Def the first time I’ve written a muse as an android, but I’ve had the idea for a long time. It’s a bit parallel to day...three of last year, I think? BUT it’s not quite cyberpunk, and the roles are reversed, as well as amplified lol      Otherwise, uh...not much to say? Posting late cuz today was muh birthday and I had stuff to do .w. Tomorrow is also gonna be busy-ish sooo we’ll see if I finally start falling behind :’D But for now, that’s all I’ve got! Thanks for reading~

[paceywittergayboatman]

Jess is the Gay Subtext Gilmores Gay Meta

Jess within the Gilmores Gay subtext is Rory’s mirror.  He has a lot in common with Rory: a negligent father who left, a mother who relies emotionally on him or isn't able to deal with her trauma and can't express love in an entirely healthy way, who are both into reading as an escape and a career path, both of there parents get remarried and have another kid and there are also legally cousins. He's also gay in the subtext(link at the bottom for my mini post on that.)

I’m gonna talk about episode 6.8. In which Rory and Jess talk and he essentially awakens something in Rory that brings back a part of herself that she lost. He also meets Logan but that for later on.

In the scene Jess and Rory talk after not seeing each other for awhile:

JESS: Yeah, and I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person. (takes out a book and give it to her)

RORY: Well, colour me curious. A book. (reading the cover) "'The Subsect'...written by Jess Mariano."

JESS: It's no misprint.

RORY: You wrote a book?

JESS: A short novel.

RORY: You wrote a book?!

JESS: And through a fluke, I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it. I don't know if they were high or something, but they decided to publish it.

RORY: You wrote a book.

Subsect sounds a lot like subtext huh? By this time in the show he's already kind of admitted he's gay.(ill put a link at the end of this for that) So he does reflect her.

But then he goes to leave and lo and behold they run into Logan. We already know that Logan is gay given other things(link down at the bottom) So we know all the people in this scene are gay so put that into context makes this make sense. I’m gonna link the clip here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnTsSPKyzG0.  Logan and Jess to put it plainly are eye fucking and Rory looks very umcomfortable:

RORY: No. Hey. When did you get back?

LOGAN: Couple hours ago.

RORY: Oh, I...I thought you were getting back tomorrow.

LOGAN: I thought I'd surprise you, Ace.

RORY: Well, I'm glad you did 'cause you get to meet my old friend, Jess. This is Logan, my boyfriend. Logan, this is Jess. He's in from out of town. (uncomfortable silence) Wow. That sounded so grown-up. We're at the age now where we say things like "in from out of town" and "old friend", 'cause when you're young, all your friends are new, and you have to get old to have old friends. (uncomfortable chuckling from Rory. Logan extends his hand to Jess)

LOGAN: How you doing? (they shake)

JESS: Okay.

RORY: We were just gonna go grab a bite to eat.

LOGAN: Great. Well, how about if we all go together. Is that okay?

JESS: Okay by me.

LOGAN: Good

RORY: All right. Good. We were actually at a loss for where to go, so you actually saved us.

LOGAN: Call me superman. (at Jess) Why don't you follow us.

JESS: Sure. (Logan puts his arm around Rory's shoulders and stears her to the passenger side of his car. Rory is a bit uncomfortable with the gesture)

Two things to note, Rory refers to jess as her friend, and Rory is in the script said to be uncomfortable. Which confirms my earlier theory.

They got to dinner and this shit gets gayer:

GAN: So...what do you do, Jess?

JESS: Oh, this and that.

LOGAN: Describe the "this". Describe the "that".

RORY: He writes.

LOGAN: You write? Impressive. What do you write?

JESS: Nothing important.

RORY: He wrote a book.

LOGAN: Oh, you penned the great American novel, Jess?

JESS: Wasn't quite that ambitious.

LOGAN: So, what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length or longer? Dos Passos, Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?

JESS: You seem very obsessed with length.

LOGAN: I'm just trying to get a picture in my head, that's all.

RORY: It's a short novel.

The use of length is homoerotic. Despite Logan being classist Jess is still flirting with him.

More:

LOGAN: (at Rory) Any good?

RORY: I haven't read it yet.

LOGAN: Yet? Well, at least you'll have one reader. That's something.

JESS: Yeah.

LOGAN: You know, I should just write down all my random thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of "he said, she said"-'s, and get it published. You got a copy on you?

JESS: No.

LOGAN: You should send me a copy.

JESS: Sure. And where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?

Ok so again the use of dick is very homoerotic. 

Jess is upset of course:

RORY: Jess, wait. (he stops and turns to look at her) Jess, I'm sorry.

JESS: We shouldn't have done this.

RORY: He's just in a bad way lately.

JESS: He's a jerk.

RORY: He was. In there, definitely. I'm so sorry.

JESS: I read that guy the second I saw him. I should have begged off.

RORY: Well, I didn't want you to.

So he read him, implies that Jess know Logan’s gay. He’s figured him out sexuality wise.

Theres more:

JESS: No, no. I mean with you. What's going on with you?

RORY: What do you mean?

JESS: You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you.

RORY: I don't know.

JESS: What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale...why did you drop out of Yale?!

RORY: It's complicated.

JESS: It's not! It's not complicated.

RORY: You don't know.

JESS: This isn't you. This, you going out with this jerk, with the Porsche. We made fun of guys like this.

RORY: You caught him on a bad night.

JESS: This isn't about him. Okay, screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?

RORY: I don't know. I don't know.

So Jess being her mirror is acknowledged when he says he's knows her better than anyone.

Jess leaves and Rory and Logan fight:

LOGAN: Look, I'm sorry I came back early. I really messed things up here.

RORY: Jess wrote a book. He wrote a book, and you mocked him.

LOGAN: I did not mock him.

RORY: He's doing something.

LOGAN: Good. Fine. He's doing something. Everybody in the world's doing something. More power to him.

RORY: I'm not. I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents.

LOGAN: That's temporary. Have a drink.

RORY: Temporary can turn into forever.

LOGAN: You're not living with the Gilmore’s forever.

RORY: I'm palling with my grandmother and being waited on by a maid. I come home, and my shoes are magically shined. My clothes are magically clean, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?

Rory is having realization about her life because of what jess said to her. The fights not over yet:

LOGAN: Again, temporary. Have a drink.

RORY: And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing.

LOGAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. (he gets up) Don't pull me into this.

RORY: I didn't say anything about you.

LOGAN: Yes, you did. Don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying. That's your choice. I'm not forcing you. When I ask you out, you can say no

RORY: It's all we do.

LOGAN: It's not all we do.

RORY: It's all you do.

LOGAN: Well, it's my prerogative, you know. You're damn straight. I'm gonna party. I'm gonna do it while I have the chance because come June, my life is over.

RORY: Oh, yes, your horrible life. Let's hear about it.

LOGAN: Got a week?

RORY: You have every door open to you. You have opportunities that anyone would kill for, including me.

LOGAN: No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen. Go into journalism. Go into politics. Be a doctor. Be a clown. Do whatever you want.

RORY: It's not as easy when it's not handed to you.

LOGAN: Really? It's all so easy for me? (getting upset) I don't want that life. It's forced on me. You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is one door, and I'm being pushed through it. I have no choice. You try living without options.

Logan is stuck within a heterosexual playboy idea of himself that isn’t him. And so he parties to cope.

RORY: How hard are you fighting it?

LOGAN: I didn't tell you to quit Yale. You did that. I gave you one month, you went beyond that month, and it had nothing to do with me. It was all you. Now, you want to change? Change it, but don't blame me. Don't you dare blame me. You know what? Why don't you go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is?

He's not claiming responsibility because he's an asshole, but also he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend because he's gay. He's uncomfortable with Rory relying on him emotionally because he's viewing it as romantic and the gay guy in him doesn't like that. Rory's comment about him fighting is the text is noting his struggle with compulsory heterosexuality. Rory leaves and as we know she does break up with him and jess comments to her bring her back to herself. 

my other links 

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/635171090892783616/doyle-paris-and-logan-and-the-milk-metaphor

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/634824232687255552/yale-gay-subtext-in-gilmore-girls

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/633010606083112960/logan-huntzberger-isnt-just-a-lazy-straight-man

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/632166174651727872/so-its-time-for-another-homosexual-gilmore-girls

https://lupineluke.tumblr.com/post/634255134572036096/wait-but-youre-forgetting-the-most-important-part

[tinylilemrys]

Save the Last Dance - a Reddie fic

Read it on AO3

Rating: T

Word count: 3,980

Tags: fluff and angst, getting together, mentions of PTSD, internalised homophobia, first dance, prom

Summary:

Eddie invites a girl to prom and almost instantly regrets it – even more so when he realises that the reason Richie has been so mad since he asked her and the reason he’s been watching the two of them is probably because Richie has a crush on her.

He’s never been happier to be proven wrong.

Prom was such a fucking waste of time, Eddie decided, watching Chloe Parker dance her fourth dance with Steve Himble, the president of the AV club (who had cleaned up surprisingly well). It wasn’t that he was jealous – he really wasn’t. He’d only asked her to prom a few days ago because she was his lab partner and he’d overheard her complaining to her friend that no one had asked her yet. Before that, he’d been planning to go stag with what was left of the Loser’s club after Mike, Ben and Bev had moved away, a fact which Richie had been only too happy to point out.

“Well that’s just fucking great, isn’t it, Eds?” He’d said, throwing up his arms in frustration. “Stan’s already decided not to fucking go and now you’re flaking out on us too? To go with Chloe fucking Parker of all people? Do you know what happens when two out of four stags stop going stag, Eds? Everyone assumes the last two stags are each other’s little deer boyfriends. Is that what you want to happen to Bill and me?”

Eddie hadn’t had the energy for Richie’s bullshit that day.

“If you’re so worried about looking gay, Richie, I suggest you and Bill grow some balls and actually fucking ask some girls.”

And then he had stormed off, trying very hard not to think about why Richie being scared of going to prom with another guy made him so angry. They hadn’t spoken since then and all the while Eddie hoped and prayed Richie wouldn’t find a date. He didn’t think he would survive it. Thankfully, he was relieved when Richie did, in fact, only show up with Bill.

Best to ignore all those emotions too.

From his table, he watched Richie and Bill leaning against the opposite wall of the gym, talking and drinking cups of the punch that Eddie was sure, in addition to breaking about fifty health code violations, had also been spiked by now (maybe even by Richie himself – he wouldn’t put it past him). Though he hadn’t had a chance to see him up close yet, from this distance Eddie had to admit that Richie looked damn good in a suit. Not that he’d ever tell him. He’d rather down the entire bowl of punch than admit that out loud.

Eddie’s stomach jolted when he realised that Richie was looking back at him, probably wondering why he was staring. He quickly dropped his gaze to his shoes and tried in vain to stop his cheeks flooding with colour.

This was dumb. Why was he sitting here alone waiting for Chloe to come sit down when it was clear that she was having a much better time with Steve anyway? Sighing, he got up from the table and made his way over to his friends.

“Hey, Eddie,” said Bill, clapping a hand to his shoulder. “Sorry it didn’t work out with Chloe.”

Eddie was about to shrug and say it was no big deal when Richie interjected.

“Yeah what’s up with that? Did she feel how tiny your dick is while you were dancing and get scared? I thought she was looking kinda sick.”

“Actually, Trashmouth, she told me it’s because she kept seeing this gangly grotesque creature in bottle cap lenses staring at us. It put her off.” It wasn’t entirely untrue. While it certainly wasn’t true that Richie was grotesque (again, never admitting that out loud), Chloe had pointed out about midway through their first and only dance that Richie was watching them. The knowledge made Eddie so self-conscious that decided he couldn’t bring himself to dance again, hence Steve swooping in to the rescue.

To his surprise, Richie’s eyebrows shot up into the tangle of hair he seemed to only barely have styled and though it was difficult to tell in the colourful lights, Eddie thought Richie might be blushing. He suddenly felt more nauseous than he did when Chloe had offered him a glass of punch earlier. Vaguely he realised that Richie was snapping out of it and hurling some witty retort back at him, but Eddie couldn’t make it out over the blood pounding in his ears at the sudden realisation that the reason Richie had been so mad at him for asking Chloe to prom, the reason he’d been staring at them while they were dancing, was that he liked her.

Suddenly everything made sense and he couldn’t be there anymore, not with the lights and the colours and the people and the Richie of it all. Without thinking twice, he ran as fast as he could outside to the nearest patch of grass and once there, was violently sick.

Most of the time he could deal with his unfortunate crush on his best friend by pretending it didn’t exist. If it was anything, it was just his wild teenage hormones sending him confusing signals. But that didn’t explain why every time Richie got him a thoughtful gift, or their banter was particularly on point, or it was just the two of them in Richie’s car singing along to whatever god-awful song was playing non-stop on the radio at the time, Eddie knew that there was no one else in the world who could make him feel as happy. But as Richie made no secret of his issues with the whole gay thing, it was far safer to just try to convince himself that he wasn’t feeling anything but really strong platonic love for his best friend.

The blood rushing in his ears calmed down enough for Eddie to hear the sound of footsteps running towards him. Worried it might be the Bowers gang, he whipped around in time to be tackled by a pair of long arms and a faceful of curly hair a moment later.

“Eddie, what the fuck man?” says Richie, holding onto him. “Are you okay? You scared the shit out of us.”

“I’m fine, Rich, I was just… I was just a bit overwhelmed in there and panicked,” he replied. Richie didn’t seem to be letting go so he took the opportunity to wrap his arms around him in return. He could feel Richie’s heart racing against his chest and his own seemed to be trying its damndest to catch up with it.

“W-we thought it might be it again,” Bill explained, his voice small and scared, and Eddie realised what he’d accidentally done. It had been almost six years since they beat that fucking clown down in those sewers, but every single one of them still had nightmares about it. Suddenly running away with no explanation was the worst thing he could have done to them.

“God, guys, I’m so sorry,” he said, squeezing his arms tighter around Richie who was shaking. “I just needed air. I wasn’t even thinking that… just, Jesus fuck, I’m sorry.”

“You’d better fucking be,” said Richie, letting go of Eddie and straightening his suit. “I didn’t survive that whole fucking ordeal just to die from a dumbass-induced heart attack at eighteen.”

“If you’re that upset about Chloe, we don’t have to stay, you know,” said Bill, changing the subject. “I think I saw enough of prom to say that I went. How about you, Rich?”

“Yeah, we can go if you want.” Richie turned to Eddie as he replied. His voice was tight and his eyebrows pinched and though Eddie knew that Bill was just trying to steer the conversation away from talk of Pennywise, he wishes he’d chosen any other topic of conversation. He didn’t need the reminder that Richie was mad at him for taking his crush to the prom. “I’ll give you a lift home if you need one, Eds.”

“Please,” Eddie replied with a small smile which, much to his delight, Richie returned

Richie’s car, much like the rest of the man, was a mess. The floor was littered with junk food wrappers and there was a suspicious stain on the backseat that Eddie was convinced was because one of the previous owners had used it to transport a body. It was the reason Eddie always insisted on riding shotgun.

As the car choked hesitantly to a start, he stole a glance at Richie’s profile, silhouetted against the lights outside.

Well, one of the reasons anyway.

“You can just drop me at S-Stan’s,” said Bill from the backseat and Eddie stomach dropped. Bill had been doing so well with his stuttering lately. It still took him a little longer to get through a sentence sometimes, but Eddie hadn’t heard him properly stutter for months. He’d caught on two words tonight already and somehow Eddie knew it was because of him – because he’d scared Bill. “I p-promised I’d come over after.”

“Sure thing,” said Richie, turning right instead of left like he would have done if he was taking Bill home. Eddie’s stomach sank further. He lived a lot closer to Stan than he did to Bill which meant that in dropping Bill off first, the trip was going to be a lot shorter.

“You know they sell cars with turn signals that work, right?” said Eddie to mask his disappointment.

“Where’s the fun in that?” said Richie, smiling for the second time that night. “I like to think I provide my fellow road users with a sense of adventure.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing my mom won’t let me get my licence.”

“Still not?” asked Bill.

“Yeah, Eds, she should know by now that it’s way more dangerous for you to be driving with me.” Richie was frowning the way he always did when Eddie’s mom was brought up outside of the context of sex jokes.

“Yeah, like I’d be dumb enough to tell my mom I let you drive me around.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “She’d find a way to ban you from driving too.”

“She would never,” replied Richie in a mock-scandalised voice. “I’d stop doing that thing she likes in bed.”

Eddie rolled his eyes again and Richie laughed, gently bumping Eddie’s knee with his fist in that way that Eddie pretended to hate but treasured for ages afterwards each time.

What he loved about Richie was that things could be super weird between them one moment and in the next, he would still go back to making Eddie feel like the most important person in the world to him. It should have caused whiplash, but he was so used to it at this point that it was just further evidence that neither of them was very good at staying mad at each other.

All too soon, Bill was climbing out of the car at Stan’s place and Eddie felt his mood, which hadn’t been the greatest all evening, plummet to new depths. As they watched to make sure that Bill made it safely into the house (a habit that, post-Pennywise, they’d all adopted) he began trailing his thumb along the cut on his left hand like he always did when he was nervous.

“Hey are you okay?” asked Richie who was now watching him with concern,

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Richie raised an eyebrow above the frame of his glasses. “Okay, fine, I’m lying. I don’t want to go home right now. You know my mom.”

“Biblically,” Richie smirks and Eddie thumps him in the shoulder.

“Fuck off, Rich, I’m serious. She’s going to want to know why I’m home so early and I can’t tell her the truth. I wouldn’t put it past her to track Chloe down and demand to know why she stood me up and I can’t put Chloe through that. But I also just don’t have the energy to make up a bullshit story either. I’m just… can we just drive around for a while? Just until it would be a normal time for me to come home?”

“I mean sure, but it would probably be a fuck-ton easier for you to just crash at my place tonight,”

“Oh my god, please,” Eddie replied, so relieved he could cry. “That would be an actual lifesaver. Your parents won’t mind?”

“If this is the night they start giving a shit about who I invite over and when I’m going to be so fucking pissed.”

Eddie laughed. He couldn’t help it. The idea of not going home and on top of it spending the rest of the night with Richie had him lightheaded and giddy. In response, Richie gave Eddie what to him felt like a fond smile, before starting the car and racing towards his house as quickly as he could.

Upon arriving at Richie’s house, his parents gave them both a short and friendly ‘hello’, barely looking away from whatever they were watching on TV, and a moment later they were upstairs, sitting on Richie’s bed. For the first time that night, Eddie felt himself relax completely.

“I can’t believe your parents just said ‘hi’ and left it at that,” said Eddie. “If that was my mom, I’d be there for another hour.”

“It’s just because you’re here,” Richie replied. “Trust me – if I came home alone they would have pounced.”

Eddie got the sense that Richie was just saying that to make him feel better, but he didn’t mind. They were alone for the first time in weeks and he felt like he could breathe again. He was always his most real around Richie.

“So that was senior prom,” said Richie, leaning back on his elbows. Eddie followed suit.

“That was senior prom. Did it live up to the hype?”

“Not even a little.” Richie shakes his head. “I spent ten minutes getting ready for tonight, you know that? Ten fucking minutes. That’s seven more minutes than usual. Think of all the shit I could have accomplished in that time.”

“It was worth it,” Eddie replied, hoping his blush wasn’t too obvious. He was still not completely over the sight of Richie in a suit. Richie shrugged.

“I guess.”

A silence fell between them then, full of things Eddie wanted to say but had no idea how to start. He wanted to tell Richie how much this meant to him, how sorry he was that he had accidentally brought back memories of Pennywise, how much he wanted to kiss him right now, how lonely he’d been these past few days without them talking, how sad he was that he liked Chloe, how much he wanted to kiss him right now…

“Sorry, I… I mean, sorry about not going stag with you and Bill. I know you were looking forward to it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Richie replied. “Chloe’s great. I totally get it.”

God, he was already regretting bringing Chloe up. But this was good, he told himself. If Richie did like Chloe, he was sure it would help him get over his stupid crush on him.

“Look, Rich, I’m sorry. If I had known how you felt, I never would have asked her.”

Richie scrambled to sit upright and stared at Eddie as if he had just worked out his deepest, darkest secret. Eddie slowly sat upright too, feeling the anxiety build in the pit of his stomach. He’d started this, wanting to know for sure whether or not his assumptions were right, but now that he was about to find out, he didn’t want to.

“If you had known how I felt?” asked Richie, looking embarrassed and terrified.

“Yeah, about Chloe,” said Eddie. “I know how you feel about her. It wasn’t hard to figure out with how much you were watching her while we danced.”

Richie’s shoulders relaxed at this and Eddie wondered how long he’d had these feelings if being able to confess them was this much of a relief. Eddie watched as he sat there for a moment or two, staring through the Nirvana poster on the opposite wall before scrubbing a hand down his face, shaking his head (his curls bouncing in that way that Eddie always found adorable) and making his way over to the CD player on his desk. A few seconds later the intro to a cheesy rock ballad that Eddie vaguely recognised from how often it had played on the radio a few years back started and Richie was walking towards him with his hand open.

“Dance with me?” he asked. “Your date kind of got stolen and I feel bad that you only got that one. And, I mean, we might as well while we’re still here in our suits looking pretty.”

Part of Eddie’s brain screamed at him not to. It was a bad idea, Richie would know exactly how he felt about him and then where would they be? He’d made it clear over and over again how much of an issue he had with anything gay. But there was another, far more insistent part of his brain reminding him that Richie had been the one to ask him to dance and that if he didn’t dance with Richie Tozier now, there was no guarantee that he would ever get the chance again.

Trying very hard not to think about the state that their friendship would be in after this, he took Richie’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled into his arms. He realised a second too late that it would have been far safer and less obvious to put his hands gently on Richie’s waist than to wind his arms around his neck as he did, but the damage was done and Richie, thankfully, didn’t seem to mind.

Dancing with Richie was so different from dancing with Chloe. For one, since Chloe was shorter than Eddie, he’d been the one with the arms wrapped around her waist and she’d had her arms around his neck. They’d been dancing just as close, but it had been nothing more than swaying to the music. This was different. This was Eddie reeling from the scent of the aftershave Richie had put on for the occasion, the jolt every time their feet brushed, staring up into Richie’s brown eyes, magnified by his glasses, and trying to fight off the overwhelming sadness at how in just a few minutes this was all just going to be a memory.

They swayed together through most of the first verse before Richie spoke.

“So I suppose this is where I tell you that I don’t have feelings for Chloe,” he said. “Like, where the fuck did you even get that idea?”

“You were mad at me when I told you I was taking her to prom,” Eddie explained. “And then at the dance, you were watching her while we danced. I just, y’know, put the pieces together.”

“Yeah, congratulations, dipshit, you put them together wrong.” Richie rolled his eyes. “I was watching you. And yeah, I may have yelled, but I wasn’t mad. I was hurt and disappointed because going stag with you and Bill would have been as close as I could safely get to taking you as my date to prom.”

“Wait. You wanted to be my prom date?” Eddie stopped swaying, his head spinning with this new information. Richie had wanted to take him to prom and probably would have if society wasn’t such a bitch. “Fuck, Rich, I thought you had issues with the whole gay thing?”

“Deflection.” Richie didn’t look proud of it, pulling his gaze away from Eddie to stare at a patch of floor. “Fuck, Eds, I’ve been in love with you since we were twelve. And there’ve been so many times where I’ve wanted to tell you, but I’ve just been scared shitless to. I had no idea how you would react, if you would flip out and stop talking to me and I just couldn’t lose you. I still can’t.”

He swallowed and took a deep breath.

“You looked so upset when you thought I might have a crush on Chloe and it just… I guess it felt like for the first time you might feel the same way.” He looked up at him then and there was a jolt in Eddie’s stomach as he fully realised what was happening. Richie pulled him closer ever so slightly, and Eddie didn’t resist it. His body had turned to jello.

“Am I wrong?”

He couldn’t speak, his heart was pounding in his throat, but he somehow managed to control the muscles in his head enough to shake it.

And then before he could say anything else, Richie’s lips were on his, soft and still vaguely fruity from the punch, though he desperately tried to push that horrifying thought from his mind. Instead, Eddie focused on the little surprised hum Richie made when he parted his lips and how Richie’s arms were tightening around him, pulling them so close together that there was no space between them. With daring he didn’t know he had, he slowly slid his hands up to tangle in Richie’s curls and was met with another hum (or perhaps moan) of approval. He’d never felt anything like it. He never thought he could feel anything like it. Yesterday he would have thought this moment completely impossible, but here he was in Richie Tozier’s messy bedroom being kissed by him.

They eventually pulled apart and as Eddie rested his forehead on Richie’s shoulder, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Fuck, was it that bad?”

“No, you dick, I’m laughing because I’ve been in love with you since I was twelve too. We’ve missed out on six years of this shit.”

“Jesus, Kaspbrak, are you fucking kidding me?” Richie pressed a kiss to the top of his head, and Eddie felt it spread through his whole body. “Why are we like this?”

“I wish I knew,” Eddie replied.

They danced the rest of the song, now so close that it was impossible to do much more than shuffle their feet, but Eddie wasn’t complaining. This was easily the best moment of his entire life.

As the song started drawing to a close, Eddie laughed again.

“Jesus, what now?” asked Richie, but there was no venom to it.

“Of all the songs in the world you could have chosen to be our first dance, you chose a Bryan Adams song.”

“Alright, al-fucking-right,” Richie replied. “Next time how about you plan out the sweeping romantic gesture and I’ll be the shithead giggling at everything?”

Eddie just laughed and kissed him again.

Later that night, after calling his mom to tell her that he would be sleeping over at Richie’s and assuring her that, no, it wasn’t because he’d been drinking, or that Richie had been drinking, that he just wanted to hang out with him, the two of them climbed into Richie’s tiny single bed. Richie was yawning already and Eddie had no idea how he could be tired at a time like this, not when a whole new world of possibilities had just opened to them.

“You want to know why I chose that song?” Richie asked, taking the hand that Eddie had not-so-subtly left on the pillow between them hoping he would do that.

“Yeah, please enlighten me.”

“I mean, it doesn’t make me sound like any less of a fucking dork, but it’s from that Robin Hood movie, Prince of Thieves. You remember? It was the first movie we saw together without the rest of the Loser’s Club and, I don’t know, now the song always reminds me of you.”

Eddie leaned over to kiss Richie again, wondering how any of this could possibly be real.

“Thank you, Rich,” he said. “For everything.”

“You’re welcome,” said Richie through a yawn, pulling Eddie closer to him and falling asleep within what felt like seconds. It took Eddie far longer, and when he eventually gave in and closed his eyes, the Robin Hood in his dream had curly dark hair and a rather anachronistic pair of glasses.

[revisitedgrunt]

Anonymous said:

“I could also say if sun was a woman they would ship it sun and blake have actual chemistry with each other romantically and I have seen bxy shippers desperately jump through hoops to ignore evidence or act like black sun was sunk etc . I have seen bxy shippers trying to use monty card as well. or act like because monty said there will be lgbt characters it must be team rwby

not to mention that despite how bXy shippers pretend blake X yang isnt confirmed despite how much they try to twist adams lines as hinting at romance like destroy everything you love. or ignore adams racism or trying to equate bxy to renoras moments ignoring context and the way it was shot all they do is but both of them involve holding hands. or another argument I have seen is but both pairings in jnpr involve partners dating when that doesnt mean it has to be the case for rwby.”

Hi Anon, thanks for getting in touch.  I was hoping my last post would start a conversation.  Allow me to respond to your points.

First things first, my post wasn't about the relevant merits of Blacksun or Bumbleby.  It was about how heterosexual and homosexual ships are viewed differently, even when both have evidence supporting them.  I could have used another show, or other ships.  The reason I used RWBY to illustrate my point is because the show made it very easy for me.  It contains a scene where a man winks at a woman, and a scene where a woman winks at a woman.  As the same thing happens in both scenes, it makes it incredibly easy to directly compare the two.

When you strip everything else away, both scenes contain the exactly same thing, a woman getting winked at.  Both winks are of a flirtatious nature, the only difference is the gender of the winker, so why is the M/F ship automatically accepted, but the F/F ship is immediately dismissed? Why do you think that happens?  I'd really, really like to get your thoughts on that.

I can give you my perspective.  We still live in a very heteronormative society.  It doesn't help that the media we consume conditions us to accept certain things, especially when it comes to attraction and romance. It all reinforces the notion that if a man and woman share an attraction, they are going to end up together.  A lot of straight people, and this isn't their fault, lack perspective when it comes to homosexual romance.  They don't see what's happening because they don't have a frame of reference.  This is why people should be more open minded.  If someone with more knowledge in a subject tells you something, you should listen.  For example, if a black person says something is racist, it's probably racist.  If a queer person says something is queer, it's probably queer.

As I said before, let me know why you think heterosexual and homosexual ships are treated differently.

Let me go back to the winking for a second.  Some people have pointed out that Yang is playful and she's winked at other people, including Weiss.  This is 100% correct.  If Yang had made a joke, or was joking around in general, we could question if the wink was flirtatious.  However, for the entire scene Yang is nothing but serious.  At the end, when she says “and if you feel like coming out tomorrow, I'll save you a dance.”, listen to the tone of her voice.  She sounds sincere, genuine, even hopeful.  She doesn’t sound like she’s joking beacuse this isn’t a joking matter for her.  She's inviting Blake out and promising to dance with her.  This seems pretty clear cut to me.  The suggestion that Yang is just being playful further reinforces my point on how differently heterosexual and homosexual interactions are viewed.

Now, onto the points you raise.

“I could also say if sun was a woman they would ship it”

You are 100% right.  Do you know why we would ship them?  Because we are desperate for representation.  We latch onto any homosexual pairing that has even the slightest hint of becoming romantic, simply because we don't get the sheer amount straight people do.  GLAAD published a report called “Where We Are on TV”.  It covers the 2018-2019 TV season and states “ Of the 857 regular characters expected to appear on broadcast scripted primetime programming this season, 75 (8.8%) were identified as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer.” Heterosexual people can watch any show on TV and find someone to identify with.  Queer people get 8.8%.    

“sun and blake have actual chemistry with each other romantically and I have seen bxy shippers desperately jump through hoops to ignore evidence or act like black sun was sunk etc ”

No right minded Bumbleby shipper disputes the fact that Blake and Sun shared an attraction.  That is clear from what is presented on the show.  The split comes when the word romantic is used.  We all know that attraction does not always equal romance.  I haven't seen any evidence on the show to suggest that Blake and Sun's relationship went further than mutual attraction, before evolving into an amazing friendship that really helped Blake.  

My personal opinion is that Sun stopped pursuing a romantic relationship at the end of Volume 3.  He saw how much Blake cared for Yang and resolved to be the best friend he could be for Blake.  I believe his speech to Neptune in Volume 6 confirms this.  Having said that, the show isn't over, we have no idea what the writers are going to do.  Maybe they will go with Blacksun, none of us really know what's going to happen.

Let me be perfectly clear here.  I had assumed that Blake and Sun would enter into a romantic relationship.  However, at this point in the story, I no longer think this.  Am I saying Blacksun was never a valid ship?  No. Am I criticising Blacksun?  No.  Am I saying you shouldn't support Blacksun?  Of course not.  I'm not even saying Blacksun has sunk.  It's not sunk because the show isn't over, and both of them are still alive.  That's the big difference here, in most fandoms, even if a M/F ship seems unlikely, it's still given more validation than an F/F ship.  This is the point I'm getting at.  Lets give M/F and F/F ships the same level of respect.

I'm not sure what evidence we're ignoring, or what hoops we're jumping through.  Please provide some examples for us to discuss.

“I have seen bxy shippers trying to use monty card as well. or act like because monty said there will be lgbt characters it must be team rwby”

I guess Bumbleby shippers do use the Monty card.  When we use it, we usually say “Monty wouldn't have a problem with Bumbleby.”  We feel safe saying this because we have actual evidence to back this up.  I wrote an entire post called “Monty Oum and LGBT representation” that supports this view.  We don't make unsupported claims like the people that say Monty wouldn't want Bumbleby to happen.  They have not been able to provide one shred of evidence to support this.  Do you really think these two sides are the same?  One is saying Monty was a loving, inclusive guy and the other side is calling him a homophobe.

The LGBT characters don't have to be on team RWBY.  There's also no reason that the LGBT characters shouldn't be on team RWBY.  There's no reason they shouldn't be Blake and Yang.

“not to mention that despite how bXy shippers pretend blake X yang isnt confirmed despite how much they try to twist adams lines as hinting at romance like destroy everything you love. or ignore adams racism”

I'm a bit confused here.  Bumbleby shippers pretend Bumbleby isn't confirmed?  So you're saying Bumbleby is confirmed?  I think I can safely say that the majority of Bumbleby shippers will admit that Bumbleby isn't canon yet.  We think they are right on the edge, but they aren't in a romantic relationship yet, meaning they aren't canon, yet.

We don't try to twist Adam's lines to hint at romance, the actual lines spoken by Adam hint at romance.  “I will make it my mission to destroy everything you love.  Starting with her.”  “What does she even see in you!” Adam can see how much Blake cares about Yang, and he considers Yang a romantic rival.  

I think you're implying that Adam hates Yang because she's human.  I can see the logic, but Adam never uses the fact that Yang is human against her.  So, there's nothing there to ignore.  He could have said “Starting with that filthy human.” or “Why does she care so much about a human!” He doesn't, he clearly cares far more about Blake's feelings towards Yang, than the fact that Yang is human.

“or trying to equate bxy to renoras moments ignoring context and the way it was shot all they do is but both of them involve holding hands.”

Can you clarify what context we are ignoring?  The way I remember it is, Ren and Nora fight the Nuckelavee, a monster that has traumatised them.  They defeat it and grow closer, as evidenced by the looks they share, and them holding hands on the airship.  The fandom unanimously agrees that Renora is now canon.  Next we have Blake and Yang fight Adam, a monster that has traumatised them.  They defeat him and grow closer, as evidenced by the looks they share, and them holding hands on the airship.  For some reason, the fandom doesn't agree that Bumbleby is canon.

Damn it, this example would have been even better than the winking scenes.  Renora and Bumbleby really does highlight the different ways heterosexual and homosexual ships are viewed.

“another argument I have seen is but both pairings in jnpr involve partners dating when that doesnt mean it has to be the case for rwby.”

I don't remember ever seeing this.  Of course it doesn't have to be the case.  If someone says this, I don't think they're being serious.  I think it's safe to say that no one seriously expects Whiterose to become canon.  The work hasn't been done and the hints aren't there.  Bumbleby is another matter.  There's a reason we think this ship is going to be canon.  It's because the work has been done, the hints have been there and by the end of Volume 6, that line between platonic and romantic is looking pretty blurred.  

If you haven't seen the hints and the work, please refer back to what I said earlier.  If a queer person tells you something is queer, it's probably queer.  

Thanks anon, that was fun.  Come back if you have more points you'd like to discuss.

[nerdsideofthemedia]

Bumblebee was always the plan part 2

It’s time to continue with my controversial posts. When I began writing this, it was intended to be mostly a response to arguments I see around and EF’s. Then my pretty confrontational post that had led to say to a friend “Thankfully no one reads my blog” became much bigger than I ever expected. There’s a good chance I would have gone for a different tone had I known it would get 500x the usual view of… 1, which is usually mine. This been said, it would have been a mistake. Still, I feel like I have to address some points that seem to have confused a few people and this is definitely to do that.

But first, soothing music to prevent knee-jerk reactions.

Let’s start with a claim that was kind of controversial: the suggestion that Blake could still turn out to be a lesbian instead of bi or pan as some claimed this was in itself bi erasure. I understand where this complaint comes from as bisexuality was basically considered to not exist in media, for example, Sex and the City has an episode where all the main characters but Samantha treat it as something alienating and a way to still be in the closet. Yeah, some episodes have not aged well. And I’ve lost count of the number of people that still don’t consider it a thing, even among progressive fandom like Janelle Monae’s and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s (I just gave you 2 bi anthems1). Just so we’re clear, even though I do think Blake is bothsexual (let’s see if someone recognizes that reference), I have to put on table of her being a lesbian as some gay people have dated members of the opposite sex for a very long time, and there’s high probability some of them were abused in said relationships. I can’t ignore those experiences (I suppose I can, but I shouldn’t and hopefully never will).

Black Sun: the ship that didn’t sail

Again, there were a few that didn’t like that I compared BB and BS, which they interpreted as a dick contest. That really wasn’t my goal. I did that because those were the ships involving Blake that had a chance to happen (Catmeleon and Enabling-abuse2 were not on the table) and I was arguing for Bumblebee having been the plan all along (which, to me, implies that Black Sun was meant to be a red herring, though I didn’t flat out say it – sorry, I didn’t think I needed to). The point was to illustrate how there had been hints for Bumblebee.

I argued for that way before volume 6 by pointing out several clues like the dance arc, the songs and the injury. At the time, someone asked me how I could know BB wasn’t the red herring. There are 2 reasons why:

While it’s not lacking in hints and foreshadowing, they are (mostly3) on the subtle side when compared to the very obvious Sun’s crush on Blake;

They’re a LGBTQ+ pairing. There are huge double standards when it comes to LGBTQ+ in comparison to hetero ones – many people will deny the first one until it’s impossible to do so. The point of the bait and switch is to have a little twist and you can’t have that if a significant part of your audience notices the switch, but doesn’t see the bait.

And if you have doubts about the last point, remember: in 6x11, Adam attacked Yang out of jealousy, then Blake held her hand while making a speech that put them as equal in contrast to Blake-Adam, a relationship where one of them constantly tried to make the other feel small (the point of the infamous speech). There were many denying BB. Then, he tried to make Yang feel insecure about Blake by telling her she had made the same promise to him and asked the super platonic question: “What does she even see in you?” and people still tried to deny it. In the last episode, Blake and Yang spent the time holding each other’s hands and yet, there were still people denying it. Not that I’m complaining, since it only increased my celebration time. It was like: episode 6x11, “yeah! Bees” for 3 days, the internet crashed my party for one, then 6x12, “yeah! Bees! This time is for sure” for another 3 days, again I had my enthusiasm dashed and finally, “yeah! Bees”. That time it stuck. So thanks guys! It would have been bad if by 6x13 I had already used all my fireworks.

If you thought BS was going to happen – that’s normal, because it was the bait. If I am aware that people tend to think of others as straight until proven otherwise, why do you think the writers aren’t? I may not live in the same country as them, but I still consume a lot of USA’s media and I know that if guy stalks girl, he usually gets her. Not to mention, the number of times media announces a LGBTQ+ character as tactic to gain some support yet deliver nothing, like saying Dumbledore is gay even though there’s nothing in the films or books indicating it (let’s leave the conversation about the “word of God” for some other time). There were more than a few LGBTQ+ people who were afraid Bumblebee would turn out to be just that: queerbaiting.

Miles and Kerry knew all of that and, more importantly, they were aware that you knew it too, so they played on your assumptions to make their bait-and-switch. However, there were plenty of hints that Sun was just the red herring and that Bumblebee was going to happen. Last time, I focused on the latter, this time let’s concentrate on the first. Let’s take a look at Sun and Blake’s relationship, shall we?

Sun was introduced in the last episodes of V1 and Blake trusted him immediately, because… he’s a Faunus. Though she told him about herself and the White Fang, he showed immediately he’s not on the same page as her as Faunus rights mean a lot to her and little to nothing to him. In 2x01, Sun talks to Neptune about Blake and concluded “and the best part is she’s a Faunus”, which goes completely against Blake’s words in the next episode “I want people to see me for who I am, not what I am”. She began going on a downward spiral to which he reacts with “Is she being all Blake-y?”, while Yang’s the one who gets through to her by exposing her own vulnerability.

Sun not fully understanding Blake is something the show hammers in our heads quite a few times even in more recent volumes. Like when he assumed she’s on her way to fight the White Fang when she was actually going to Menagerie to rest. Or suggested destroying the WF while Blake wanted to take it back.

In volume 3, they had literally no interactions besides him winking at her in the Vytal Festival – yes, she blushed, which can be explained by the fact that he did it in front of an entire stadium or that she had a crush on him. Personally, I’m inclined to the latter, but it really doesn’t mean much: not all crushes lead to something. A lot of them are a result of idealization and I think that was the case for Blake. By the way, I have to speak of Blake’s crush as likely, not certain precisely because it was never actually confirmed.

When Yang asked Weiss where Blake and Ruby were, Sun was there, yet it was Yang alone who went after Blake. The next time we saw him, it’s after their injuries and he is noticing an injured Blake grabbing Yang’s hand.

No, this shot doesn’t exist to show Sun seeing Blake injured, because he already knew that. He had just told Ruby that Yang was going to be OK, and the one who brought her there was Blake. Not to mention that if the point was to make him notice Blake’s injuries, it makes no sense for their hands to appear. Yang would have been kept out of the frame, instead of taking up more space than Blake. To me, this is the moment where Sun realizes Blake’s feelings for Yang. If the intention was for him to notice Blake’s injured, it would have made much more sense to see his face, then cut to her. Yes, they could have done the same with their hands, but this way they left it more ambiguous which was probably the intention. It would have made no sense for them to choose that if it was meant for Black Sun, because the audience was more than aware he was interested in Blake. We had been since V1 as there was never anything subtle about their relationship.

In volume 4, he flirts, Blake is usually either apathetic or downright annoyed. The exception is after the injury, and like I said, he’s the one who brings up Yang, revealing he realizes the bond between them. He is also hurt by the chick whose feelings weren’t reciprocated (I talked about that at length in part 1). In volume 5, their relationship is platonic.

Really, in spite of spending the volumes 4 and 5 together, it’s not about developing Black Sun in a romantic way.

Oh, a kiss on the cheek isn't romantic. It can be, but in the context, it was merely a "thank you".

Black Sun hasn’t sunk yet

While RWBY isn’t over, the possibility for Black Sun isn’t completely gone, though I don’t think I’m lying when I say it’s unlikely. You can like it more than Bumblebee, but it’s all right to admit it’s improbable. We (almost) all have been there. For crying out loud, in MHA, I sort of ship Kacchako4 (loses 2/3 of her readers – and that’s why this piece of trivia was originally intended to appear much later).

After everything he’s done for her (that she didn’t ask for)

This is usually phrased in a disgusting way.

There is a lot to unpack here.

First, it’s ridiculous to think you can be owed love/getting into someone’s panties. You can’t. People either love you/want to do you, or they don’t. If you want to do something for someone else, great, but do it because you want to and like (not necessarily in a romantic way) said person or because you’re altruistic – don’t expect a reward. This is what you sound like to us:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWFfrQtHag0

You wanted the guy to get the girl, fine. You know you can watch that in almost everything else, right?

Second, it’s idiotic to associate getting the girl with masculinity or not getting her with being “cucked”. If your notion of being a man is tied to getting someone else, that’s on you. If you need someone else to feel good about yourself, maybe you have some underlying issues to address (another reference to Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – watch the show, especially if you’re making comments like the one I showed: you need it. I feel like the narrator in “S.O.B.s”).

Third, even by the logic of “after everything I’ve done for you”, Sun doesn’t win, because Yang paid a much bigger price: she lost an arm and had PTSD while he had a minor injury from which he had basically recovered by the next episode. This isn’t a “Yang deserves her” either – that argument is nonsensical no matter the pairing being defended, I’m just pointing out that it doesn’t even favor BS.

By the way, I noticed that a few people completely missed the point of why I compared Yang’s injury to Sun’s and think I did it to indicate Yang deserves it more or to win (?). It’s a bit confusing because I flat out say why I made the comparison, but here it goes again: it’s not to say Yang deserves Blake, but to indicate that, in fiction, we usually associate romance with higher stakes. I literally wrote:

“I think Yang’s and Sun’s injuries are everything I should need to prove the likelihood of BB as they contrast the two main Blake ships: Bumblebee and Black Sun. While heroes tend to save many people who are indeed just friends or sometimes not even that, there’s a reason why Superman and Spiderman usually include Lois Lane and MJ (or whoever the love interest is in said film) in the climax – it makes it more personal, raising the stakes. From this perspective, it’s easy to understand the importance given to either by comparing: what the injury was, who caused it, why and Blake’s reaction, thus allowing to conclude which couple was given more weight.”

“[…] point Bumblebee as the first one is more associated with romance.”

That was me explaining what the points were as well as why I was comparing the 2.

And yes, paying attention to dramatic weight is completely valid, we are talking about fiction after all. It’s not like we accidentally walked in on a guy threatening a gal and saying “I’ll destroy everything you love… starting with her” as another woman appeared in real life. Things happened the way they did because writers (editors, directors, etc.) wanted them to. 

Don’t pretend you didn’t know that it’s relevant that the one who caused Yang’s injury was Adam, Blake’s ex-boyfriend, while Sun’s was caused by Ilia, the friend whose feelings weren’t reciprocated, and that it doesn’t say anything about the links Adam-Yang and Sun-Ilia. I lost count of the number of BSers who wanted Sun to fight Adam and wanted him to be the one taking Adam down (even though it got in the way of Yang’s closure), which shows many of you were perfectly aware of the importance of said connection.

As for the dyke representation… (the fact that they phrased it that way is very telling) if it was just that, then any lesbian couple would do. RWBY is about 4 female characters. Seriously, how come people never ask themselves why this one is so popular, even though Yang and Blake aren't the most popular characters? From what I've seen, Weiss and Yang are.

The claims of “pandering” and “SJW” have been raining for a while and I expect them to continue until they realize CRWBY can’t be bullied into erasing BB. Count on that to happen whenever a show reveals a main character is LGBTQ+ mid-series (unless it’s a particularly progressive show). If your reaction to seeing LGBTQ+ characters is to call it “pandering”, it says a lot about you, none of it good.

I know that we perceive straight white male as default. This is so entrenched in our culture that the first Transformers didn’t have any female transformers because the writers thought it would require an explanation. Yup, apparently you need an explanation to include half of the world’s population.

I suppose screaming “pandering” is better than to pull an EF and say “Bumblebee was and is the safest LGBTQ ship they could have done. Lesbian couples are the safest representation a show can make […] It’s more comfortable to see woman on woman action just because of how fantasized they are”, which:

doesn’t justify why BB is the safest LGBTQ+ couple as there are a ton of lesbian couples possible (White Rose, Checkmate/Monochrome, Freezerburn, etc.);

fails to consider the high number of LGBTQ+ women in RWBY when compared to LGBTQ+ men probably has something to do with the fact it has more female characters;

when did we see woman on woman action in RWBY? How did I miss that episode?

if lesbians are so appealing to straight men, how come they’re the ones whining the most about BB?

The whole straight-men-like-lesbians while being the ones complaining about them is particularly odd to me. It doesn’t sound like they like they are spending their time wrapped up in sexual fantasies. Maybe they are and can't stop. And that's why they don't like Bumblebee anymore... Poor things... But really, it just sounds like they need some kind of… safe space.

You can tell them not to worry. They still have most shows/books/films. And for the next 2-4 decades, they'll be able to count on Disney (taking shots at it since my very first post).

As usual, the original.

More RWBY posts:

Filmmaking and Bumbleby

Bumblebee was Always the Plan

Bumblebee was Always the Plan part 2

Faunus and the White Fang: The Portrayal of Racism

BB & Renora

Weird Post on Weiss’s Clothes

Foils: Adam and Yang (this one is in wordpress; it was my first one and I didn’t have Tumblr then)

Let’s talk about Adam Taurus (I didn’t post this one on Tumblr because the title and tags could lead Adam fans thinking this was about “his wasted potential” when really it defends the decision of killing him off and explains why it happened)

1 “Make me Feel” can also be taken as a pan anthem as Janelle as identifies as such (and I think she’s OK with being called bi too).

2 Enabling Abuse is what I call AdamxBlake.

3 I still consider “Burning the Candle”, V3 finale and the ship named “Pride” to be pretty obvious.

4 Not only are the odds against Kacchako (BakugoxUraraka), the shippers are considered villains who worship chaos, which is fine by me. I can’t say some part of me doesn’t enjoy being The Dark Knight’s Joker and that part is saying: “Tell me Batman, how does it feel to be the hero of a film that everyone watches for its villains?”

[itsalwaysyou-jw]

As promised, here is the sneak peek for Welcome Home, a WWII Johnlock AU inspired by Bandstand:

“Another shot of whiskey. Please.”

The bartender silently obliged, a man whose face was forgotten the moment he turned away. John consumed the fresh liquid in an instant, wishing the dulled sensations could kick in as rapidly as he could drink it. He twirled the empty glass along the sticky countertop. The air was thick with sweat, the murmur of voices like a wall of pressure against his ears. It was too much, all of it.

“What division?” said a voice two seat to his right. John’s head turned to see a gentleman with short, cropped blond hair. He was staring at his own glass as bone dry as John’s.

“Sorry?”

His head turned then and John was startled by how handsome he was. He had a long, narrow nose, a pronounced jawline, short locks of sandy blond hair, and blue eyes that were hooded with intoxication. John had always been a sucker for blue eyes.

“You’re a soldier right?” he asked, eyes darting to the empty glass. “I was, too.” John said nothing but simply continued to stare at the man. He seemed so much like himself if he were to be stretched taller and perhaps made a bit more handsome.

“Yeah,” he conceded after some time in silence. “37th division.”

His eyebrows moved together in thought. John had the impression that he’d reach his conclusions quicker if he were sober. “What is that- the Solomon Islands, right?”

“Yeah, and Bougainville.”

“Jesus. That must have been holy hell.”

John wiggled his glass as he caught the eye of the bartender to wordlessly request a refill. “Something like that, yeah.”

“How long ago did you get back?”

John considered the date, mentally scraping for a rough estimate of how long he’d been back home. “Just a couple weeks.”

“Ah.” He considered this and John prayed that he would stay silent this time. “Are you going to school? Or going for cash?”

He didn’t particularly feel like explaining to this stranger that he’d already been to school. That he’d love to go back and get his medical degree but he couldn’t. Instead, he just grunted “Cash. I need the cash.”

“Well find something quick. I have been to three funerals this month. Nobody’s talking about it because those guys came back fine a while ago.”

John’s stomach tightened, his mouth forming an impossibly hard line of tension. A fresh whisky was placed before him. He gripped the fresh glass until he was certain he could shatter it with his grip. “What happened?”

The stranger dragged his fingernails painstakingly along the filthy countertop, clumps of dried alcohol gathering beneath his already filthy, chipped fingernails. “They needed- They wanted a way to make it… stop.”

John threw his whiskey down his throat, suddenly desperate to get away from this horrible, suffocating prison. He threw down a note of payment, not even caring about his change- not even caring about anything at all other than escaping to fresh air.

“Find something quick,” the gentleman called softly behind him. “Godspeed.”

The second sneak peek from Chapter 2 with a small spoiler is under the cut. Also, tags.

(CONTEXT: John’s best friend in the Army was Victor Trevor, who asked John to check up on his spouse if anything ever happened to him. Trevor died beside John in the trenches and John is finally fulfilling his friend’s wishes.)

A thunder clapped with an unreliable beat in John's chest. The ordinary door seemed an overwhelming obstacle to approach. Behind this door was every tragedy imaginable.

Lead feet carried him to the threshold. Three breaths attempted to steady him, to centralize his thoughts, and his fist raised to rap thrice on the door. It was the soundtrack of his anxiety, the trepidation of the knocks loud in his ears. In the silence following his knock, he heard the echo of the sound rattle in his mind and there was no breath or time or awareness- there was only an eternity of silent expectancy.

Footsteps.

A lock undone.

The rotation of the knob.

Only paralyzing fear prevented John from running from this horror.

Then, in a moment, a woman. Yet not a young, vivacious woman as he’d expected, but an elderly woman with short, curly hair, a pointed face, and kind eyes.

He was helpless to do anything but stare at her. His mind was weighing the probability of this being Victor’s wife- but surely she couldn’t be. He’d described her as tall with full lips, black hair, and brilliant eyes.

“Can I help you?” she asked, not unkindly, after several moments of loaded silence. Her eyes were narrowed ever so slightly, though John felt no hostility in the stare.

“I-” John was suddenly speechless. He’d simply assumed knocking would be the hardest part. This continued necessity of courage was drawing him from sanity. “I was wondering- is Sherlock Holmes here?”

“Oh dear, I’m afraid he’s not here at the moment,” she said with her voice brimming with regret as though she hadn’t just set fire to John’s world with the smallest of words.

No. His mind rebelled against processing what she’d said. No. The world was spinning, the woman disappearing behind miles of blurred concentration. No. It couldn’t be.

“I’m sorry,” he uttered with unadulterated panic shaking his words. His eyebrows were touching on another, his arm steadying him against the brick wall next to the door. “Did you just- Did you say ‘he?’”

Her eyes grew wide, her mouth open and she was clearly equal parts confused and alarmed by the aggressive reaction to have seized him. He watched as she visibly scanned him for hints of the situation, her mouth moving with silent words as she scrambled for the proper response.

“Yes,” she finally said slowly. “Are you a client? Did you hear of him through his advertisement in the paper?”

Him. His. Sherlock Holmes. A man.

“Yes.” His throat was sandpaper, his muscles moving on their own to say the word with some ancient instinct to sink or swim in overwhelming information. “Can you tell me when h-he’ll be available?”

“Well he should be back- I’m sorry, are you quite alright?”

No, nothing was alright. “Yes. Please, when can I see him?”

She scanned his face for context of his reaction but found none. Instead, she answered with impossible sluggishness, “Tomorrow. He’ll be seeing clients at 2.”

“Thank you.” He was moving away and could no longer see her or the building or the street or anything in this world. All that existed was this endless dark tunnel and him, clawing his way out. His feet carried him down the street and he crouched down on the pavement when his feet were unable to carry him any longer.

What had Victor said? John wracked his mind, scrambling for the memories that were painful to recall.

“You got a girl back home?” John had asked.

Victor had smiled a mischievous grin and John had wondered why he looked like he had a secret. “I’ve got a special someone, yeah.”

“A wife?”

“We’re married, yeah.”

“What’s her name?” John asked, imagining what the Trevor household must be like outside the tragedy of war.

“Their name is Sherlock. Holmes- wanted to keep their last name.”

All the discussion of Victor’s partner and never once had he used any indication of gender. The conversations ran through his head on repeat in dizzying circles until John was mad with the repetitions.

How was this possible? Victor was married- to a man? How? Sherlock was… a man? But wasn’t Sherlock a girl’s name? He never had heard it, he supposed. A unique name for a unique woman, he’d thought.

That meant… Victor was… gay.

God. The hurt penetrated deep within him and consumed every trace of joy that remained in his wounded heart. How could Victor not have told him? He understood the dangers involved in revealing homosexuality in the military, but God, they were best friends. He was John’s one shining light to provide him with guidance through hell.

But had John not reciprocated the secrecy? Was John not guilty, himself, of disguising his own attractions in men?

John’s skin itched everywhere. He wanted to claw at every inch of himself until he bore the painful scars that he deserved. He longed to tear apart his skin until the pain inside him was free.

Instead, he pulled himself up, heaved a breath of city air, and forced himself onward. Ever the soldier, ever the war-induced clarity of action.

TAGS: @benzedrine-calmstheitch and @sherlockedcarmilla asked to be tagged in the sneak peek. @anchored-in-high-tide didn’t ask, but I think she’d like to know that it’s up. :) If anybody else would like to be tagged in future updates, reply to this post or send me a message. <3

[sol1056]

S7 data cronch pt2: get the hot dogs, the fandom’s on fire

Before I jump into the more tangled datasets, there’s something interesting I want to call out, and that’s the vlogs. 

In September of last year, DW released vlogs for Coran, Keith, and Allura. A month later, we got vlogs for Lance, Pidge, and Hunk. Shiro’s vlog finally arrived on June, this year. That final vlog now shows a July date, but when it was first discovered, its posting date was 6/28. (I have no idea why it was changed. Ask @ptw30.) 

In the first part, I mentioned audience engagement. The vlogs are a good object lesson. If we take the number of views divided by the number of days since posting, we get an idea of the daily ‘value’ of each vlog. 

Shiro clocks in at 6877 views per day, while the next closest, Keith, has 4796 per day. Hey, so maybe that’s just everyone excited after waiting almost a year. 

So, how about this graph?

Shiro has 4,293 comments. The next closest are Allura and Hunk, with 692 and 976, respectively. All told, Shiro got 1.5 times as many comments as all the rest of the characters together. Now that is audience engagement. 

Alright, now that you’ve got a bit of data on which character clearly gets the fandom engaged and talking, let’s see what else we can learn about S7. 

Hop to, behind the cut. 

so about that twitter debacle

There’s no way to fully illustrate just how incomprehensibly bonkers twitter was for awhile. I know there’s a toxic side to the fandom that weaponizes twitter, but... in general, the VLD fandom isn’t noisy, compared to other fandoms. Daily counts range from 30-100 tweets. That makes it harder to tell when things go dead quiet, but it sure makes it easy to tell when things explode. 

So let’s go back to the Sunday after S7 landed. For this season, I included sentiment analysis. At first I searched on #voltron, then I realized one of the trackers lets me go by keywords, so I did a comparative search on ‘voltron’. Hashtag use seemed to be for being seen by others, while keyword seemed to be more for conversation, reassurance, and reflection.  

That’s... pretty strong, for both. And I honestly had never seen a twitter stream get a sentiment analysis as negative as the one on the right. After working my way through 11,889 tweets (from Aug 10th to the 25th), I can tell you one thing for certain.

Everyone was angry about something. 

One group, predictably, was angry at being denied their long-awaited affirmation. A second was furious at the queerbaiting; that group overlapped with a third enraged at the Bury Your Gays trope. A fourth dismissed the BYG trope yet were angry at the lack of explicit relationship beyond a single break-up scene; that caused a few flare-ups between the 3rd and 4th groups for the latter treating Shiro as queer purely on his facebook status. A fifth group (oddly, calmer voices, for the most part) was upset at VLD’s treatment of Shiro in general, from his isolation to his tokenization. 

On the other end of the spectrum, the majority of positives loved the season but were angry that others didn’t or wouldn’t. A much smaller percentage took their own shots: insisting children don’t need LGBT+ rep, calling LGBT+ fans entitled, telling DW not to pander, or complaining DW/Netflix had mixed politics and entertainment. (There’s an answer to the last one, but that’s for another post.)

I believe the technical term for Aug 10th-25th would be clusterfuck. 

going deeper for context

Getting a clearer picture than the donut chart meant considering the context. In other words, for every seemingly-neutral tweet, I’d open the feed, and majority of the time I found threads voicing bitter disappointment, frustration, and hurt. These deeper threads almost never tagged anyone, and they tended to be more nuanced, compared to upper-level mentions loaded with easily-classed negative or positive keywords.

Here’s a snapshot of the twitter stream on August 10th, which includes metrics for those deeper contextual threads.

There’s just no way to spin that much of a backlash. By the end of the first day of release, the signs were already there that --- at least as far as the majority of the internet-based fandom was concerned --- S7 was an unmitigated disaster.  

it’s just twitter, no one’s paying attention

That sounds like something a Boomer-aged exec might say. They’d also be wrong (not to mention ignorant).  

Note: I used two different analysis apps. Both were rather blunt-force, rating “S7 wasn’t half bad” or “brutal but what I wanted” as negative, while "go to hell, I loved VLD but not anymore" was rated positive. One of the two apps let me re-evaluate, but it only allowed for negative-neutral-positive. (Lesson learned: set up a twitter scrape ahead of time, so I can run it all against a good AI.) 

For this part, I used the second tracker and manually evaluated the values for ‘voltron’ mentions. Unfortunately, I had to rely on the tracker’s value for most non-English tweets. I designated ‘positive’ for explicitly pro-S7, and ‘negative’ explicitly con-S7. For any mentions that were ambiguous, incoherent, or personally-directed, I defaulted to neutral. My goal was to measure who was or wasn’t happy with the season itself, and not attacks on or support for the staff, DW, Netflix, or other people in the fandom. 

With that madness done, here’s the entirety of August.   

On the day of release, a total of 1853 mentions created a social media reach of 1.46 million. My next question was: is this low-influencer unhappiness vs high-influencer happiness, vice versa, or something else? This next chart is the data filtered down to influencers with a score of 7 or above (based on followers, retweets, and replies). 

That’s 78 negative mentions, 16 positive, and the remainder neutral. All told, 194 mentions had a social media reach of 1.36 million. That’s a lot considering the voltron keyword usually has a social media reach of 50K, tops.

This was a groundswell reaction. The reach was driven by big voices, but the bulk were individuals unhappy for any of a variety of reasons. Any apology --- after four days of fever pitch --- was going to have an uphill fight to calm the crowd, no matter how gracefully it was written.

On the 14th -- when news outlets began reacting to JDS’ apology -- we got a second spike. 1573 mentions with a social media reach of 1.3 million; the new megaphones in the stream were news outlets promoting articles. (Also, most of their tweets are strongly click-bait in tone, compared to the actual article titles.) 

If you googled ‘voltron legendary defender’ on the 14th, you got these results: 

Voltron Showrunner Apologizes to Fans Following Outrage over Gay Character’s Storyline [Syfy Wire]

Voltron Showrunner Pens Open Apology Letter [The Mary Sue]

Voltron Showrunner Apologizes for Series' Handling of Gay Relationship {CBR}

Voltron's Complicated, Imperfect LGBQT Representation Is Tearing the Fandom Apart [In-Depth-Gizmodo]

Joaquim Dos Santos Shares Letter About Voltron Queer Representation [The Geekiary]

The ‘Voltron’ Showrunner Apologized For Making a Mess of the Show’s Gay Representation [Hornet]

Of course, Josh Keaton got sent out to calm the anger, too. 

'Voltron' Star Josh Keaton On Season 7, Shiro's Sexuality, and How a Leader Grieves [Comicbook.com]

Shiro Voice Actor Responds to 'Voltron' Season 7 Controversy [Inverse]

Exclusive: Josh Keaton talks 'Voltron' season 7, Shiro's new arc, love and loss [Hypable]

You had to scroll past all that before you could get to anything remotely like a positive news item (and nowhere near the usual post-release deluge of compliments to the creators). 

On Aug 15th, more articles: 

Voltron: Legendary Defender’s Showrunner Offers a Genuine Apology to the Fandom [Gizmodo]

Voltron's Complicated, Imperfect LGBQT Representation Is Tearing The Fandom Apart [Kotaku Australia] (reprint)

Either these were latecomers, or DW was pulling out all the stops to hit every possible venue. Didn’t matter; the furor wasn’t dying down. Josh wasn’t sent out again, either. DW may’ve realized that ship had sailed (so to speak). 

On Aug 16th, these articles appeared: 

Voltron creator addresses fans over season 7's queerbaiting controversy [Polygon]

How “Voltron: Legendary Defender” Queerbaited Its Fans [NewNowNext]

Voltron showrunner apologises to fans after backlash over treatment of gay character [DigitalSpy]

Voltron: Legendary Defender showrunner apologises to fans after killing off gay character [PinkNews]

Why 'Voltron' fans are furious after season 7 [The Daily Dot]

Voltron Showrunner Apologizes for Season 7's Treatment of Gay Couple [ScreenRant]

'Voltron' Shiro: Stop Preemptively Outing Gay Characters To Generate Buzz [Inverse]

And it kept going through Aug 17, 2018.

Voltron: Legendary Defender Showrunner Joaquim Dos Santos Apologizes For Alleged Queer-bating Of Fans Over Handling Of Shiro’s Sexual Orientation [Inside Pulse]

Who's Sorry This Week? Lindsay Lohan, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and other public apologies [Mic]

Meanwhile, as of the 18th, the predictive algorithm for #voltron (the actual hashtag) was estimating +6% for the upcoming week, and +6% for the month. Not even half what S6 had in its first week after broadcast, but remember, the majority of S7′s traffic wasn’t happening on the hashtag. It was happening in mentions. 

You might think from the above that things quieted by the 19th. You’d be wrong. It’s still going on. Keep in mind these pie charts are cumulative by month. On the left are the totals through the morning of Aug 22; on the right, the totals through the afternoon of Aug 25.

Midday on the 22nd, we had another spike, one large enough to offset that these are monthly totals, not daily. (The most likely culprit is the DW marketing gif that showed the scene where Adam dies, thus kicking the hornet’s nest all over again.)

As we entered the third week, the predictive algorithm for #voltron dropped to -1% for the month, and -5% for the week; for #vld, it’s -2% for the month and -6% for the week. 

In fact, almost every related hashtag is predicted to drop in popularity and use over the next week or beyond. That includes: 

voltronlegendarydefender, -2%

keithkogane, -8%

keith, -3%

shiro, -9%

lance, -6%

lancemcclain, -1%

takashishirogane, -20%

allura, -5%

princessallura, -10%

hunkgarrett, -6%

lotor, -4%

katieholt, -5%

Even ship names: 

klance, -2%

shadam, -8%

adashi, -3%

plance, -2%

pidgance, -5%

sheith, -2%

lotura, -10%

kallura, -1%

The exceptions? allurance (4%) and pidge (1%). 

It took a bombshell EP interview to knock S6 off its upward rise. This time around, the fall looks more like people tiring of the fight and checking out.

one more part coming

Thanks to the additional manipulations I did on twitter this season, this section took more words (and I cut it down from walking you through every agonizing step, no need to thank me for sparing you). I’ve also added a new dataset, and that pushed the total word count beyond even my long limit.

I’ve broken the last part out, where i’ll cover the long-term impact and possible fallout of S7.  

[tumblunni]

I hate that oddly specific feeling of like you wanna complain about a transphobic bad thing but then it's like hard to do it without sounding like you're defending a genuinely reprehensible character?

It's just that..like...

Excellus is a BAD PERSON

But the game does not want you to hate them because they're a BAD PERSON

It wants you to hate them because they're a trans woman/gay man/non-binary person/ambigiuos melting pot of every single queer stereotype simultaneously somehow

The game is constantly fuckin going on and onnnnn about how repulsive and ugly and Not Gender Correct this person is, and somehow this is a more important factor in wanting to stab them than the fact they killed a main character's brother

Also the whole fact that they have such a horrid personality with NO humanity or even a MOTIVE for what they're doing = kinda also part of the trans stereotype. This character only exists to be a lazy shorthand for "instantly hateable", you're meant to just accept all this bullshit simply because they're "hideous and wrong"

Also seriously I can't believe the dub made it EVEN WORSE! Cos Excellus (Excelli in Japanese) originally just speaks with a feminine speech pattern and adds lil hearts and ~ symbols in their speech boxes and stuff to indicate "hey I am a stereotype of someone DMAB who is somewhere on the queer spectrum and this is supposed to be bad". Similar to the (ugh) creepy incest gay brothers in that one sidequest. But in the dub they kinda added a goddamn flourish of this character talking like a friggin sex criminal! And even MORE mentions of "hey he is totally a man and can never be anything but a man, let's all talk way too much about how repugnant it is to be non gender conforming". While also friggin attempting to canonize that this character actually IS a cis straight man and (some fucking how) only acts trans because he's a eunuch????? Getting genital surgery changes your fuckin personality now????? Also seriously why did you have to have an invasive conversation about a dead person's testicles and why was it played as somehow a funny joke.

None of that was in Japanese but honestly with the rest of Japanese Excellus's general portrayal it seems INCREDIBLY likely that she was intended to be a trans woman. I kinda laughed at how the Tokyo Mirage Sessions version of Excellus straight up has giant plastic robot boobies yet the dub is still like We Will Just Say Man And Deny All Trans, While Also Simultaneously Saying Trans Is Bad, Somehow.

So yeah all of that just makes me hate Aversa even more for saying that shit, cos if that line actually existed in the Japanese version the context would seem more like.. well, trans woman who had the closest medieval equivelant of transition surgery and is being mocked for it. At least the knowledge that the Single Worst Moment Of The Whole Thing wasn't canon to the original makes me hate her a little less. Though I still hate her because she acts EXACTLY AS FLIRTY AS EXCELLUS and commits EVEN MORE CRIMES, yet she doesnt get nearly as much hate and even gets a redemption just because she acts like a sex criminal while being cis and conventionally attractive...

Auuugh I don't wanna hate the redeemed lady and be sympathetic to the asshole! But just the context of the game's writing and attitudes surrounding them really taints the characters...

Also I'm sad that there was brief hope that Loki in Heroes might actually be a respectful portrayal of a trans or genderfluid character, but nah it's just one of those boring overly-cisnormative-ideas-of-gender type "genderflip" things for mythological characters. Which is depressing cos mythological Loki literally ACTUALLY WAS a genderfluid pansexual shapeshifter who could be both god and goddess. Something that's so often censored in modern adaptations, and god it's so weird to have that happen again even though this adaptation is literally using the female Loki?? Just wiping off the whole "and also this character can be a man too" aspect... Nah just incredibly lazy fanservice cis woman time, I guess...

I mean cmon man, Fates made tiny tiny baby steps towards more LGBT representation, can we please step it up a little... Awakening already started with being behind the times, and all they changed was literally adding ONE gay character per game so you had to buy a certain version to date a gay man or lesbian woman...and it STILL contained homophobia at the same time... God just fuckin...TRY A LITTLE, PLEASE...

So uhh yeah that's what all the new news about the Three Houses game made me remember, and I'm trying to not get my hopes up. If it does have a big change to more inclusive writing then I'd be pleasantly surprised! But honestly I'm not gonna buy it unless I'm 100% sure I'm not gonna trip and fall into an eternal quicksand of self hate again

Tfw I literally look like Excellus in real life... (minus the comically overdetailed caricature face, of course...well, at least I hope so...)

Also can I just give another shout-out to Tabitha from Pokémon ORAS, a game I played in the same year that rekindled my faith in people like me being actually non hideous and genuinely liked by the fanbase. Srsly him and Excellus are just the same character drawn in bigoted and non bigoted art styles, I swear!

All of that heck happened back when I was first coming to terms with my gender identity so I'm glad that bloody fire emblem didn't kick me down back into the closet

[billie-a-jojo]

For all the young (younger) LGBT folks - things have changed drastically in the past decade, and continue to evolve. Please understand that older Lesbian and Bisexual folks may want to keep the labels they originally identified as even if they don’t *sound* nonbinary/trans inclusive - not because we're terfs (although those people do exist - ew), but because it has been our identity label for so long when others didn’t exist, it is a huge part of who we are and how we found our community. 

Here’s my unsolicited personal story (and not up for debate): 

I identify as a white, cis, bisexual woman. Wait! Hear me out! (jk) Ok... 

When I was 13, I fell in LOVE with my first two celebrities. One was male. One was female. By the time I fell in LOVE with two more female celebrities, I realized there might be something more to this. I was about 15 when I learned more about the term “bisexual” and I thought, “What?! There’s a label for how I feel!? There are other people that are like me!? This is great! This is who I am! I’m bisexual.” Done. Cut. Send to print. End of story. I found my identity. 

Soon after I learned of the term pansexual. I thought, “Oh, that’s a lovely term. I like that. Am I that? I don’t know.” So I thought about it for a long ass time before coming to the following conclusion. I thought I would have better luck finding a community with the more well known term “bisexual” than I would this new fancy term “pansexual”. I also felt that pansexual would make me sound even MORE promiscuous or fringe than the bi stereotype I was already struggling with. I thought, best keep it simple, keep it bi, and love my pan cousins.

I was the only OUT queer person in my entire small school. THE ONLY OUT PERSON. There was one obviously closeted gay guy. But NO ONE besides me came out while I was in high school. I was completely alone. I had to own that and own my identity. It was scary. And isolating. And I retreated to my online friends for most of high school. They were mostly queer women too. Can you imagine being the only out kid in school and then CHANGING your identity label to this new word no one had ever heard of? FUCK NO. I already felt the stigmas of attention seeking, confusion, stepping stone to lesbian, etc etc etc. If I changed my label now, no one would take me seriously. I was Bi and that was that. 

[[[Now, there are plenty of queer people that have since come out that I used to go to school with. And don’t think I am not just a little pissed that they didn’t figure it out sooner or come out sooner so that I wasn’t left all alone back then. But that’s for my therapist.]]]

The years went on and understanding and conversations of trans people and nonbinary people and intersex people and ace people have evolved and grown at an exponential rate. Which is great! But now bi people were being called anti-trans. NO. Trans women are women because they identify as women. Period. Full stop. Do I care if they haven’t transitioned yet or don’t plan to get surgery? No. I do not. That is their business, not mine. Have I ever found a trans woman or trans man attractive? Not that I can remember in real life, but yes on tv. Have I ever dated a trans woman or man? No. But this does not at all mean that I wouldn’t or couldn’t potentially meet a trans person and find them attractive and want to date. I would never close myself off to the possibility. I just haven’t met that many irl. 

But now came the great debate about the definition of Bisexual! Attracted to men and women OR attracted the the same gender and other genders to one’s self. The second sounds more inclusive. It is accurate to me. And it keeps the linguistic nerds happy by maintaining the 2 for the bi prefix. Fine. That’s the new definition I am going to use. Great! I love it. 

I used to tell people that I could fall in love with someone regardless of gender. And although that is true, it is also not entirely accurate to my own bisexual identity. 

To me personally, my sexual identity is different than falling in love. My bisexuality is SEXUALITY. I am sexually attracted to people, regardless of what sexual organs they have or what gender they are. Love is love. is love is love. Romantic love imo, does not have any say in gender, just like platonic love. A hetero person can platonically love people of their same gender. Well, for me that is the same as romantic love. To me, love is love is love is love is love. So when I talk about being bisexual, I am not talking about love. Love is a given. I can fall romantically in love with anyone if given the right person and timing and circumstance. People are people. So I guess you could say I am bi-amorous/pan-amorous? I think I just made that word up. Whatever. When I say I am bisexual, I am talking about my sexual attraction. I am talking about sex. I am not ashamed of that. Bi - same and different. It’s all just sex. Sex is sex is sex is sex. 

I think the distinction between bi and pan that I like the best is that a bi person can acknowledge that their attraction to “same and different” are not the same, don’t feel the same, or manifest differently. Whereas a pan person does not feel any difference in their attraction to anyone, it is all love and/or sex to them regardless. This is just one differentiation, and it is not based on anything other than someone’s opinion. So don’t get your panties in a twist. I personally like this distinction because my attraction to men and my attraction to femme women and my attraction to men in drag and my attraction to non-binary women and my attraction to butch women etc etc etc... all feel different from each other.  I am a different person when I am in a relationship with a cis man vs a cis woman. I feel a different type of attraction to each. I am attracted to a woman BECAUSE she is a woman, not regardless. That’s the difference for me. I see your identity, and I like it. I’m definitely not saying this is the right way to think or feel. It is just the way I feel. 

I am trying to use more blanket terms like queer when talking about myself online because I feel like it is more inclusive and generalized to a larger group of people. 

My online presence is extremely wlw because in my real life, I have a male/cishet fiance. So I live in a constant state of people assuming I’m straight, which I’m extremely not. At this point, he’s one of a very small handful of men I’m attracted to at all. That misidentification and assumption hurts, just a tiny bit every day. Which is why I feel the need to SCREAM my identity (mostly online) as often as possible. I want people to know who I am. I don’t want to hide it. This is one reason why I can sympathize with non-binary folks who want to use they/them/their pronouns. Hearing a non-binary person tell me they feel utterly disgusted when someone calls them she/her was like a punch to the gut & heart. I may not feel it or have a full understanding of what they go through, but I certainly can relate (on a muuuuuch smaller scale) to the pain of people missassuming your identity based on a quick visual glance. I always want to know if I missgender someone’s pronouns. I will feel awful and correct myself and try my damndest never to do it again. 

Basically, what I’m trying to say is...things are changing quickly. And labels are here to help us find ourselves and our people, not limit us. Labels are not boxes unless we make them that way. Respect people’s labels and listen to their stories about why they chose them. Times are changing fast. One person’s reasons might have been formulated at a completely different time than another’s. Context matters. History matters. Understanding and compassion matter. Let people be who they want to be. Keep an open mind. Love each other. Support each other. Date each other. And have a lot of great consensual sex with each other (or not! I see you aces).