#yes. this is how i can effectively unwind from work. it's only tuesday and it's already felt like a long week

[transflynnscifo]

TOV Party members, ordered by "gameplay participation" within dungeons

what it says on the tin! I decided to order the party members of vesperia by how much they actually are in the party throughout the story.

Granted, I can't do a count by the hour, given that no player has the same runtime of the game. how I will do it instead is by counting party members' availability for every dungeon in the game. this post doesn't account for any changes within towns, ie, story cutscenes, sidequests, and so on. These tend to not amount in enough time for someone's absence to be felt.

also, yuri is banned from this list as he is ALWAYS available to play with. all information compiled will be under the cut for the sake of spoilers.

I am also color-coding the characters below cut. by the way, this is long!

PART 1:

Zaphias Castle/Zaphias sewers - Estelle (halfway through)

Quoi Woods - Estelle, Repede, Karol

Shaikos Ruins - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita

Ehmead Hill - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita

Ragou's mansion - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita

Caer Bocram - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita

Keiv Moc - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven

Dahngrest Underpass - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven

Ghasfarost - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Flynn

PART 2

(fun to note that it takes a while before the first dungeon here)

Atherum - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

Weasand of Cados - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

Sands of Kogorth - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

Weasand of Cados (reprise) - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

Manor of the Wicked - Estelle, Repede, Rita, Raven, Patty

Mount Temza - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Patty

Mount Temza (boss) - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

Renansula Hollow - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

Egothor Forest - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

Fallen Shrine of Baction - Repede, Karol, Rita, Judith, Patty, Flynn

Steel Fortress Heracles (1st half of dungeon) - Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty, Flynn

Steel Fortress Heracles (2nd half of dungeon) - Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

The Blade Drifts of Zopheir (before boss) - Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

The Blade Drifts of Zopheir (until the end of the dungeon) - Repede, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

Quoi Woods (reprise, part 1) - Repede

Quoi Woods (reprise, Yuri gets wrecked) - Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

Zaphias Castle (reprise) - Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty

The Enduring Shrine of Zaude - Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith, Patty, Flynn

PART 3 (from this point on, Estelle, Repede, Karol, Rita, Raven, Judith and Patty will be marked as "everyone"

The Blade Drifts of Zopheir (reprise), Erealumen Crystallands, Relewiese Hollow, Atherum (reprise) - everyone (4 dungeons)

Tarqaron - everyone + Flynn

Post game dungeons: the sidequests for these can be started without Flynn in the party. you can even do two segments of the necropolis without Flynn. here's how this is marked for the dungeons themselves:

Labyrinth of Memories - everyone + Flynn

Necropolis of Nostalgia (first 2 parts) - everyone

Necropolis of Nostalgia (the rest, unlocked after beating the boss) - everyone + Flynn

FINAL NUMBER

Yuri - all (30)

Estelle - 25.5

Repede - 29

Karol - 18 + 0.5 + 0.5 + 10 = 29 (the 2x0.5 are due to him becoming unavailable after the boss in Zopheir for a bit, and Yuri's stunt in Quoi. Yuri's stunt in Quoi is why there's a .5 for many party members lol)

Rita - 27.5

Raven - 22.5

Judith - 5 + 0.5 + 5 + 0.5 + 9 = 20 (0.5 are due to her Temza rejoin and Yuri's stunt.)

Patty - 20.5

Flynn - oh boy. part 1 is 1, part 2 is 2.5 (he leaves halfway through Heracles and joins again for Zaude), part 3 + post-game is 2.5 OR 3 (depending on when you start the necropolis dungeon) = 6 OR 6.5. (I'm personally on the latter because I never start my necropolis runs without him)

Closing thoughts:

the party members that have left the party the least amount of times are Repede, Karol, Rita and Patty, where in the girls' cases they join later, so their numbers are lower.

man's best friend and new baby brother win! followed by resident girl genius

Estelle's absence seems a lot larger when it is laid out in dungeons. But given that a lot of sidequests become available when Zaude is open to explore, you can "catch up" with using her in the party from there

Patty by this math participates in gameplay as much as Judith does, and this is because she is able to catch up during Judith's strongly felt absence in part 2. not to mention both girls are absent gameplay-wise in part 1, with only Judith joining for Ghasfarost

Raven's kinda in the middle. good for him!

and... Flynn. holy shit man i have to be generous in your numbers. he's the guy in the friend group who is only ever online for 5 minutes before needing to go to bed (he is in the australian timezone)

I hope this is as interesting as it seems to me. I hope my counting wasn't wrong, but if you notice anything off, please correct me!

[marylandlifecoaching]

If You See Me, Don't

You know, I've always been kind of a loner. And it's not that I dislike people, it's because I love myself that much. It took me awhile to figure this out. And what a blessing it is to be married to a woman who is my twin flame in that regard. We have an amazing marriage. A big part of that is our independence. For as much as we do together, we equally spend that much time a part. It's almost like a rock and roll marriage. Tuesday through Fridays, I see her maybe an hour a day. That is largely due to my work schedule. That aside, we both seem to take great pleasure in our own journeys. 

If you see me on the weekends, please don't. It's not that I don't love you. It is because I am spending time repairing myself. Working in the helping profession my entire life, I do know the value of self care. I know that's a buzz word right now. But trust me when I say my self care game has been on point for 3 decades. And a lot of the times self care is shutting the fuck up. You, me and the entire world. I cannot be an effective human if I am not whole. 

Unwind, decompress or recharge. I don't care how you label it, just do it. I can go hours without external noise. In fact, I often do. I dig the void. The void that only silence can bring. There is so much to learn from the void. There is so much energy to gain. Some times I get outside myself and think I should be doing something. And then I remember I am. I am rejuvenating. 

So do me a favor on the weekends. If you see me, don't. It's like the parent who get's weekend visitation. They want to get the most from that time. That's me. I give so much away during the week, I need "me" time. I need to be validated. I need to feel special. And I can't really do that in the company of others. That comes from the void. That quiet space. That Zen like state. Yes I know that you can see me. But I ask that you don't.

With much love and affection. Honor that space where you are, and where you are going. And only you know the direction. And it is hard to access it with external interruptions. 

[imaginedolanscribbles]

Priority

Grayson x reader

Warnings: none (not even swearing, are yall proud of me lol)

Words: 2.404

Anon request: “I recently found your blog. Can I request a Grayson Dolan Imagine where the reader is a funny YouTuber, and has been spending a lot of time with the vlog squad (David Dobrik) recently and Grayson is just really jealous about it”

a/n: Thank you anon! I feel like Grayson would be kind of a sad-jealous type of person…just as a warning/explanation before you read this. Uhm. Hope ya like it? (I also don’t know a lot about the vlog squad, I’m really sorry, so all I wrote in here is just what I found on the internet)

You are a little surprised (disappointed) when Gray doesn’t offer to pick you up for your dinner date tonight. It’s been awhile since you last went on a real date, just the two of you without anyone else tagging along. But you’ve been dating for almost a year now and picking you up is not something Gray is obligated to do, of course. A lot has been going on recently and you’re just happy to spend some quality time with him again. If you’re being honest you’re even kind of missing him, even though you’re living in the same city. There just never seems to be enough time to see him. Maybe you should work a little less…convince Gray to go on vacation with you…surprise him with a present or something…So you shrug your surprise (disappointment) off and don’t think much of it.

That is, until you arrive at the restaurant and Gray is sitting at the table he had reserved for the two you and his hair is...wet? He has his head bowed down, his hands laying in his lap, fiddling with his phone and you know he’s gnawing on his lower lip even though you can only see half of his face.

“Hey”, you greet him and put your hand on his shoulder to stop him from getting up. His face lights up and you can feel an answering smile spread over your face at the sight of his widening smile. You brush your lips over his in greeting and – yeah, his hair doesn’t only look wet, it really is wet. But it’s not raining or anything.

You take your seat opposite him and as much as you just want to bask in his presence and drink in the sight of him, you can’t help but notice his appearance. Apart from his hair being wet (and in severe need of a haircut) he seems to have shaved very messily: he has a cut just under his chin and there’s a patch of stubble he missed, right on the hinge of his jaw. His outfit, while put together impeccably like always, doesn’t seem to fit right. Either the entire right side of his body shrunk, or he buttoned his shirt all wrong. You can’t see his shoes but if he wore two different ones, you can’t say you’d be surprised.

“Hey”, Gray answers and his smile is so achingly sweet you forget his unusual appearance for a minute. “I, uh, didn’t order, yet. Wasn’t sure what you wanted.”

“Oh, I guess, I’ll take the usual”, you shrug and open the menu that lays folded before you. Gray and you identified this restaurant as your favourite quite early in your relationship and as much as you like trying new things, the Tagliatelle alla Panna in this place are amazing – especially with their self-made cheese sauce, hmm.

“I’m not sure I even know what your usual is anymore”, Gray mumbles from the other side of the table but he has his head bowed over the menu when you look up at him with a frown.

Before you can formulate a question, the waiter appears behind him. He takes your orders with a smile and brings your drinks shortly after.

“So, uhm”, you mumble, his comment from earlier making you feel a little awkward. A feeling you’re not used to, not around Gray. He looks at you when you start talking and you can’t tell for sure but it looks like he also has dark rings under his eyes. What on earth could have him this distracted? “Feels like ages since I saw you last time.”

“Hm, yeah”, Gray nods and for a moment it seems like he tries for a smile before he resorts to clearing his throat instead. “Last Monday, I think.”

“Oh, right”, you nod. You’d had to leave around midday because Grayson still had to edit their video before Tuesday and since their videos got so much longer these past months, the editing takes much longer, too. “Well. Still feels like ages to me.”

The laugh that comes out of you is high and nervous and you start fiddling with the tablecloth above your knees where he can’t see. This feels weird. Why does it feel weird? Being around Gray has never felt weird before.

“Me too”, Gray admits softly and there’s that familiar rush of affection whenever he voices these sweet, quiet thoughts. He only glances at you from underneath his eyelashes, though, and keeps his head ducked otherwise. He does catch your smile, at least, and half his mouth lifts into an answering one. Under any other circumstances this would be seductive, but you just can’t shake the feeling that something’s off.

That’s the moment the waiter chooses to bring your food which results in another polite pause and an exchange of thankful nods and smiles. He wishes you a cheerful “buon appetito!” and leaves as you start eating your respective dishes.

“So”, you start again, after a few bites taken in silence. Gray looks you in the eye to indicate he’s listening. “What’s up with you?”

“I, uh”, Gray draws his eyebrows together and pulls his shoulders up slightly. “Don’t know. Not much, I guess? Hanging with E, James and Emma a lot. Working out? Planning our next trip to Jersey. Just…boring same old I guess.”

Well, that’s not what you meant, but actually... “Ugh, I miss your ‘boring same old’”, you sigh wistfully. “I feel tired all the time, lately, I think I need a vacation. Or, you know, just hanging out at yours and unwinding a little would have the same effect, I guess”, you smile at him and think of curling up on his bed and cuddling with a movie he’s guaranteed to fall asleep to.

Inexplicably, his face falls at that and he’s back to avoiding eye-contact again. “Well, it’s not like you couldn’t drop by any time.” His tone sounds kind of flat and he’s pushing his food from one side of his plate to the other with a fork. He’s always hungry. Why isn’t he eating? Something is definitely up. You frown.

“Okay, what’s really up, Grayson?” You nod to his clothes and hair (still damp) when he glances at you questioningly. “You look like you don’t even really want to be here. And, I mean, that would okay but, Gray, if you’re not feeling well you could’ve cancelled, you know? Yeah, I’d have been disappointed but it’s not like we haven’t seen each other in months, it’s only been a few days, and I could’ve visited you or brought you something or – okay just, why, why is your hair wet?”

With every word coming out of your mouth Gray seems to curl in on himself a little more until his head is ducked almost behind his glass. At your last question though, he frowns and lifts his hand to his hair as if he hadn’t even noticed. He looks at his dampened hand somewhat surprised. “Well…I showered and didn’t have time to blow-dry my hair before coming here.”

His hair doesn’t take long to dry and if it’s still wet from the shower, he can’t have showered more than half an hour before arriving here. You can feel your own frown deepening. “So…what was so important today that you couldn’t have showered earlier? You don’t even have poor time-management skills, like me, I don’t understand how – “

“I wasn’t sure the date was still up”, Gray cuts you off, mumbling into his lap.

“…oh.”, is all you can say. Well. “I mean, we haven’t done date-night for a while, I guess, but – “

“You cancelled last time”, Gray replies in a sort of defiant tone and you can see the tablecloth moving where he’s fiddling it between his fingers. “And the time before that, too.”

Well. That’s true. Kind of. But… “I, uhm. I’m sorry about that, Gray, but I told you I was sorry and I explained, didn’t I? The first time was because Teddy had forgotten to invite me to go to the movies with them and it would’ve felt rude to cancel on them on the day, even though I’d only the invitation hours before.” You didn’t feel that guilty back then when you’d cancelled on Gray. You had never cancelled before and you’d just been at Gray’s the entire weekend. Looking at him now, his hair damp and floppy, shirt buttoned wrong and staring hard at anything but you, that small puddle of guilt in the back of your mind turns into an outright waterfall. “And, uh, last time I was so tired, Gray, I promise you the evening would’ve just been me falling asleep over the appetizer. I’m sorry.”

Gray shakes his head and there’s even a smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah. Uh, yeah, I get that, yes. Of course.”

There’s a pause and he starts fiddling in his lap once more, then there’s that glance again.

“I just, uhm. I guess, it’s just that…you don’t seem to be tired when you’re hanging with the ‘vlog squad’” – he puts actual air-quotes here – “so, you know, that’s…that’s a little…well.” He doesn’t even attempt to end that sentence, just shrugs, rubs his jaw and winces when he pulls at his skin hard enough to rip at the cut under his chin.

He cut himself shaving. He never cuts himself shaving, he must’ve been in a real hurry to cut himself like that. And he showered and put on a nice shirt, everything so rushed he didn’t manage to do any of those things properly. Accompanying the lump of guilt lodging itself into your throat comes that warmth rushing through you until you can feel it prickling in your fingertips – it’s just such a Gray thing, to try, to really try, no matter what. If nothing else, he managed to be on time, so all his hurrying paid off a little at least.

“Gray…” You don’t know what to say but when you put your hand on the table, reaching out, you almost expect him to ignore it. When he takes your hand without hesitation there’s an actual flutter of relief in your stomach.

“I don’t-”, Gray frowns, looking for the right words as he considers your clasped hands. “I mean, I’m not trying to make you feel bad for…for hanging with your new friends or whatever but…maybe don’t forget your old friends? Or”, his lips twitch into an ironic smile and he finally looks at you, really looks at you, “I guess, at least don’t forget me, okay?”

You still feel guilty but smiling back at him is a reflex at this point, no use in fighting it. Also, his fingers are stroking your pulse slowly and his palm encasing yours just feels too familiar to not feel a little at home.

“I never forgot you, Gray”, you reply and wind your fingers around his to make your point. “David and the rest were just so nice and sweet to me and filming with them is so much fun and they’re really cool and I think you’d actually really like them if you hung out with them, too. I didn’t have lots of spare time, recently, you’re right. I didn’t mean to…to neglect you, or anything.”

He doesn’t seem too keen on ‘hanging out’ with the rest of them but he doesn’t pull his hand back either. “You didn’t neglect me, I’m not a pet or something. It’s just…it would be nice to get at least have as much attention as the ‘vlog squad’. I mean. Being your boyfriend and all.”

“Stop with the air-quotes already, they’re friends.” You chuckle and roll your eyes but hold onto his hand quickly, as he tries to let go. “I’m sorry you felt ignored, okay? I mean that.” He stops pulling at your hand and you loosen your grip to trace the lines of his open palm. “I meant it when I said earlier it felt like ages since I last saw you. I missed you. Don’t ever doubt that.” It wasn’t a question but Gray still nods quietly and it’s so good to have him back, this unguarded, open (lovely, sweet, soft) version of Gray, that you lift his hand to press a quick kiss into his palm. Gray keeps it there and cups your jaw. “The next two weeks are just for us, yeah? I’ll stay at yours and annoy you until you wish I’d go back to my ‘new’ friends.”

Gray shakes his head with a reluctant smile at your cheeky grin and presses his thumb against your lower lip, opening your mouth slightly.

“Never”, he challenges and doesn’t beat an eyelash when you graze your teeth against the pad of his thumb teasingly.

“We’ll see about that”, you promise, and he hauls you closer with something like a growl in his chest until his nose rubs against yours.

“You always have to have the last word, huh?”, he asks and kisses you before you can answer.

It doesn’t last two seconds before the table between you starts buzzing. Gray pulls away far enough so both of you can glance at the phone lit up and buzzing between you. It’s yours. And the name flashing on the screen reads “Gabbie”.

It’s times like these, when he reads just as quickly as you even though the text is upside down, that you suspect Gray maybe has some sort of selective dyslexia. The second you read Gabbie’s name, Gray pulls you in again and places a distinctly possessive kiss on your lips.

“Don’t you dare pick up”, Gray breathes into your mouth.

Someone on the table next to you clears their throat before you can answer and he lets go. You sit back in your seat and calmly even out your skirt, your phone still buzzing and Gray’s eyes drilling into your face from across the table. You look right into his eyes as you grab your phone and the flicker of vulnerability behind his eyes tightens your heart for a split second. You turn your phone off without looking at it and Gray’s eyes turn into pure, melted chocolate and you can’t wait to curl up in his embrace later tonight.

You like your friends. You’re not going to stop hanging out with them because Gray is jealous. But you will also not prioritize them over him.

My Masterlist

[thereeness]

Ree’s Month of Change

I've been going to the gym steadily since the beginning of January and a lot of things have happened since then. Time seems to have flown by, for one, but there are a lot of personal things I'd like to write/talk/muse about.

The one thing that has bothered me the most is that I have a lot less time to myself. Less time to write or game or even rest. Less time to do chores or go grocery shopping. I have to cram it all into my 2 days off, which shortens the time I have to rest and recover in preparation for a new work week. I haven't vacuumed my bedroom in about a month. Laundry gets done regularly, thank goodness. But let me break down my schedule so you'll see what I mean:

Monday-Friday:

-7:00, wake up, make a bowl of yogurt with granola and fruit and eat it.

-7:20, stretch for gym, finish packing bag, and comb my hair.

-7:30, get dressed for gym and make sure I have all the little bits and pieces with me.

-7:45, get on bus to gym.

-8:00, arrive at gym

-8:10, start exercising. This averages 30 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of strength training, followed by another stretching session.

-9:10, shower, change, blow dry my hair, pack up.

-9:50, sit and have my bottle of Boost then leave gym for home.

-10:10, bus arrives

-10:30, arrive home, unpack, change into jammies again, and start breakfast

-11:00, devour breakfast and relax until it's time to leave for work. (Except Mon-Tues, where I proceed to relax until it's time to run errands.)

-11:50, make work lunch and get ready for work. (Wed-Fri)

-12:10, head out to bus and ride to work. (Wed-Fri)

-12:45, work begins. (Wed-Fri)

Now, I work Wednesday-Sunday, and I don't go to the gym on the weekends, mostly because of bus schedule, but I follow the same morning schedule Monday and Tuesday, my days off. So for 5 days a week, my mornings are micromanaged like this. For the weekend, I sleep in a little, most of the time until 8, and then I do things like laundry (which takes over an hour for a wash and dry) or reading, because I don't have time during the week to just sit down and relax with a book, because even my days off are busy. In fact, things have become so hectic, that I've stopped going to my writing group on Mondays just so I can have some time to mentally recharge.

My work isn't physically demanding, it really isn't, but the gym is. Just this week I added extra 5 pounds to all my weight rotations except for my chest, because lifting weight above my head is a big ol' no, nothing heavier than 10 pounds, and even that I can barely manage. But my work is mentally exhausting. Listening to people, hearing their voices in your head, being nothing more than a ghost in a little box rattling off words to a computer, is mentally draining. By the time I'm done with work, I don't want anything but complete silence. No one's words in my head but mine. And then I only have an hour and a half before bed (I get home at 9:30 and go to bed around 11 so I can get a solid 8 hours, or try to) in which to unwind from work. It sucks. As an introvert, time to myself to recharge is so important. People usually don't peg me for an introvert with depression and anxiety, because I am so good at coping. At acting. But the truth?

I'm tired. All the time. I'm tired and I miss my creative energy. I miss writing. I miss my games. I miss reading a book for sheer pleasure, savoring the story and the characters, devouring a new book in a few hours, then going back and skimming to catch details I may have missed. But most of all, I miss having time to myself. Time to relax. To cook. Watch a movie. To basically do anything, anything I want, or nothing if I really want. I want a day where I can sit around and do nothing but play video games and not feel guilty. I also want it more than once a month, where I have to schedule it in special. I have to schedule time to myself and it's overwhelming. I've never had to do that before. I'm worried I'm never going to finish my book. My time off from my writing group has had the opposite effect: it's highlighted how little time/energy/motivation I have to write. It's like, all my creative energy is being smothered by this monotonous routine.

But there are good things.

In the 4 weeks I've been keeping track of my food and exercise, I've lost 4 pounds. I've kept this record since January 12th, so I missed the first 2 weeks at the gym.

Read that again: I've been going to the gym, regularly, for 6 weeks. Over a month. I'm into February now, with a routine. I can look back and see where I had good days or see where I had bad ones in terms of food. I don't deny myself, but I do talk to myself about food. I see a bottle of soda and I'm like, “I really want it. It would taste so good. I'm having such a bad day...but I'm also making a ton of progress. And I had that soda yesterday with my pizza. That was my treat for the week. So I don't need it.” and, somehow, I'm able to walk away. I'm eating less for breakfast now that I've added Boost to my morning workout and having a bit of yogurt beforehand. I even spring for fresh fruit! Last week, it was bananas and this week it's blueberries. The blueberries taste a bit weird, but it may be because I never buy myself fresh fruit. But I need to. I want to.

As a trade off? I'm not eating as much chocolate. It used to be I needed a piece of chocolate, or 4 or 5, but now? I have an ice cream sandwich (Skinny Cow, which is surprisingly good) twice or three times a week and I'm fine. The chocolate from the sandwich is enough. I'm also eating less, which surprises me. It's to the point where I'm eating 2 larger meals on work days (breakfast and my half hour lunch break) with little snacks in between, like a granola bar and some cheese and crackers. Or some homemade chicken salad with crackers. I'm still not cooking as much as I'd like to, but that's attributed to the roommate situation, and that'll change in a few months. But I look at how little I'm eating to how much I'm exercising and it's crazy. Like, my appetite has completely changed. I'm eating carbs again, yes, but the bread I choose is the good stuff, with flax and sunflower seeds, or 12 grain, nice and dark and filling. And in all of this, my food journalling has become a habit too, where it's automatic now to record what I eat in the morning and what I ate throughout the day at night.

It's too soon to see any changes, but I can feel them. I feel them in the way I can do more reps. I feel them in how I can lift more weight, do more crunches, jog a little faster. I feel it in how much better I sleep at night. And I feel it in the smiles and words of encouragement at the guys at the gym. Brent, especially, but Tyler and Al and Luke have all been absolutely amazing. I am incredibly blessed to have found a team of guys so willing to help and encourage me. Luke, the head trainer, even told me I'm one of their favorite people. That they talk about me and how impressive it is that I've been at this so regularly, trying so hard. They see my progress and they celebrate it with me. Planet Fitness has been such a great fit (pun intended XD) and I'm blessed to have found such a great place to get healthy. To change my life.

Now all I have to do is pick up that pen again. Hopefully this month I can get into a routine of writing again.