#yes those are the pieces of eight in the back
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cupcakeshakesnake · 2 months ago
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Bad ending
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pathologicalreid · 2 months ago
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litmus test | s.r.
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in which Spencer needs your expertise to help solve a murder, but crime fighting is most decidedly not for you
find more chemist!reader here!
who? spencer reid x chemist!reader category: flangst (like. the end is a little angsty and it has case details) content warnings: typical cm violence, science talk, fem!reader, reader is not built for crime, morgan being an older brother, some fun banter!! death by firework is crazy lmao word count: 1.68k a/n: this is one of my favorite fluff pieces i've written in agessss i missed chemist!reader so much i learn so many things when i'm writing her. this was a request! i hope you like it as much as i do!!
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“Do you have a second?” Spencer asks, his voice slightly choppy over the phone. Between his ancient phone and being inside concrete police precincts, some disconnect was bound to happen.
Saving your document to your computer, you rest the lab phone between your shoulder and ear, “If you’re asking me if I have any corrosive chemicals in my hands, the answer is no.”
He chuckles lightly, “I never know with you.”
You roll your eyes in response, even if he can’t see you, “It was one time and I needed a new phone case anyway.”
“You fused the plastic of your phone case to the material of your phone,” he retorts far too quickly for your liking.
“Yes,” you acquiesce, “but I know the exact chemical reaction that caused that phenomenon.” You cross your legs one over the other, maintaining your balance on your lab stool as you speak to Spencer over the phone.
He gave a light hum in response, “Speaking of chemical reactions – I need your help.”
Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, “You’re asking me for help in chemistry?” There really was a first time for everything, you suppose.
Spencer was more than capable of navigating a lab on his own, even so, he admits, “You have more applied practice than I do.”
Pursing your lips, you nod to yourself, “Fair enough. What’s stumping you, Dr. Reid?” Your inquiry, while innocent enough, garners a wolf whistle from your graduate assistant.
“There’s something burning a hole in these bones, and I’m not sure what would be causing it to happen this fast,” he explains, giving you minor background information on how long the bones were out and if the medical examiner had treated them with something.
You clear your throat, frowning at the notes you had scrawled down in front of you, “Burning or corroding?” What was seemingly a meaningless distinction would actually allow you to filter through approximately half of the possibilities.
“Corroding,” he corrects himself, “My mistake.”
Crossing off some of your notes, you purse your lips at the new possibilities, “No worries. Did you try flushing it out with water?”
You hear papers flipping on his end of the call before you get a response, “That would destroy evidence.”
“Well,” you raise your eyebrows, “It sounds like your evidence is destroying itself.”
“Baby,” Spencer says in a no-nonsense tone reserved for when he was deep in a case. You could’ve sworn you heard Morgan in the background of the call mocking him for the pet name.
Turning back to your notes, you sigh, “Yeah, yeah, all work and no play. Was the body buried?”
“Partially,” his reply intrigues you, “I can have Garcia send you the crime scene photos if you think it’ll help.”
Wrinkling your nose at the thought, you made an unsure sound, “Right, because nothing says lunchtime like getting up close and personal with a homicide victim.”
“What lunchtime? It’s three pm in D.C. right now,” he caught you, a slight chiding tone in his words.
Ignoring his questions, you ask more of your own, “Was the body near water? Did they test the pH of the soil and water?”
There were more papers flipping, likely someone presenting the results of those tests to him, “Yeah, the soil was a five-point two and the water was a seven-point eight,” he listed off for you.
While your knowledge of the pH of the soil in Iowa was limited, you did know that those levels were pretty on par for the northern Mississippi River. “O-kay,” you say, extending your vowels, “and they didn’t find anything else on the scene that points to corrosive materials. Hydrofluoric acid?” You posit, “No, you know what – maybe you should send me those files. My work email is encrypted, you can give it to Penelope.”
He speaks to someone else in the room with him and you resist the urge to ask him if he’s enjoying Iowa, “It’s sent,” he confirms with you.
Pulling up your email only takes a moment, and once you get over the initial shock of seeing a dead body on your computer screen, you lift your lab glasses to the top of your head in order to get a better look. “I mean,” you think for a moment, “those look like alkali burns to me. I’ve never seen them on bones before, but you should do a litmus test to check either way.”
“So, we rinse it with water?” He asks, seeking instruction from you in a way that makes you feel oddly powerful.
Your eyes widen, “No, no, no. If it’s a metal compound then it’ll be covered in a mineral oil, so rinsing it with water would actually make the burn worse.”
Pausing for a moment, you consider the possibility that Spencer didn’t have the luxury of time – he was trying to solve a murder, not do experiments in a lab.
“Alkali burns can be serious, it all depends on what caused them, and most are helped by rinsing with water. So, unless you have the time to test for metal compounds, I’d go ahead and rinse it. You might want to brush the damage to the bones with a dry brush first. If there’s lime on the bones it’ll foam, which not only will corrode the bones even further but it might release a toxic gas,” you have no idea how the corrosion would interact with bone marrow, but something tell you that you don’t want to know
“Wait a minute,” Derek interjects, being included in the conversation now that Spencer put the call on speaker, “I thought things like alkaline water were good for you.”
You scoff instinctively, “Oh, there’s no definitive evidence that shows alkaline water as having any real health benefits. Especially not the benefits that the internet says it has.” Straightening up in your stool, you continue, “In fact, there is evidence from the NIH that says drinking alkaline water could cause kidney damage. There’s a particular-“
“My bad,” he interjects, effectively stopping your rambling before it really took off, “I forgot whose girlfriend I was talking to.”
Groaning at your new vexation, you huff, “Oh, fuck off, Derek. Go kick down a door.”
Spencer quickly switches the phone back, “Thank you, angel.”
Squinting at the photos that were still on your laptop screen, a crude, disturbing thought came to mind, “You know, sparklers can cause alkali burns. It might be something to consider because of the diameter of the burns.”
Your boyfriend was silent on his end of the call for so long that you had to check and make sure the call hadn't dropped. “Did you say sparklers?”
“Yep,” you confirm, “like the ones you can get everywhere this time of year.”
He says something to Morgan, placing his hand over the receiver so you can’t hear, “There’s only one spot in this town, though. I’ve gotta go, see you soon.”
“Stay safe, please! I prefer your bones unburned,” you rattle off into the phone before it clicks, placing the phone back on the stand and deleting the crime scene photos from your inbox.
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The front door to the apartment opens and shuts quietly, with Spencer under the assumption that you already went to bed, he was surprised to find you on the couch, nursing a cup of tea. “Hey, baby,” he chirps, unusually peppy for this time of night.
“Hey,” you say half-heartedly, threading your fingers through the handle of the mug.
Your somber tone gets Spencer’s attention, “What’s wrong?”
The slight panic in his voice causes your eyes to snap up to his, “Nothing,” you murmur. “It’s just… the woman who was in those pictures. There- the burns on her bones, they were signs of torture, weren’t they?”
You’d been thinking about the burns ever since Spencer showed them to you, “Yes,” he answers with a reciprocating softness, sitting down next to you on the couch. “The medical examiner concluded that she was burned antemortem.”
That woman had been burned alive by fireworks, sparklers had seared their way through skin and muscle until it finally met her bones. You blink a few tears from your eyes at the thought, “I like my lab, Spence.”
The confusion on his face was palpable, “I know you do.”
“I like my minimal human interaction and my chemicals, and I like knowing why certain things cause certain reactions. I like it when things make sense.” You take a deep, shaky breath, “Killing someone. Torturing someone with fireworks. That just doesn’t make sense to me.”
You had no interest in hearing the excuses that the killer had provided. You had no interest in hearing the psychological breakdown of that woman’s killer. Spencer knows that, “The photos got to you?”
Taking a sip from your mug, you nod solemnly, “I can’t stop thinking about the way it must have felt. Oh, the smell must have been horrible. That poor woman.” In theory, it was a ridiculous notion, killing someone with fireworks seemed neither probable nor possible. Yet here you are.
“But we got the person who killed her,” Spencer reassures you, resting his hand gently on your knee. “We couldn’t have done it without you,” he adds.
Your face warms at his compliment, “I wish I could have helped before she was killed.” You were grateful that Spencer hadn’t passed on any personal information about the woman, it was easier for you if you kept things in separate storage files in your mind.
Spencer hums, reaching out and sweeping a strand of hair behind your ear, “There’s always going to be another one. I’m sorry about the photos, I should’ve made sure Garcia only sent the necessary ones.”
Nodding absentmindedly, you look at him thoughtfully, “This will pass, but for tonight I just feel bad for the victim.”
“I can have Penelope share some of her favorite baby animal videos, if you’d like,” he offers softly, resting his head on your shoulder.
In return, you give him a small smile, “Well, I suppose it really can’t hurt.”
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textmel8r · 6 months ago
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[ SMAU + DRABBLE ] 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 ! ( eighth installment ) in which you find toji fushiguro’s number off a sugar baby site .
୨୧˚ part; one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten. eleven.
୨୧˚ incl; toji fushiguro
୨୧˚ cw; sugarmommy! reader , sugarbaby! toji , smut , submissive toji , finger sucking , masturbation , oral sex (f!receiving) , profanity
୨୧˚ an; so not happy with my writing in this one, probs will rewrite it one day but here, have a couple thousand words of smut🗣️ this is lowkey another filler but lowkey not at the same time? i wanted to fit in another intimate moment before shit goes south awooooooo
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You were not fibbing when you said you knew your way around the kitchen. “Holy fuck,” Toji all but moans, tearing into another piece of tender meat with his canines. It was juicy and seasoned almost too much, just the way he likes it. He squints across the table, where you eat in tandem with much better manners than he could ever hope to have. “Who taught you how to cook like this?”
You shrug bashfully under his gawking, wiping your mouth with a dainty stroke of the napkin you had placed in your lap. “I traveled a lot in between semesters at college. Italy, France, Denmark…” You list a few more places that Toji wouldn’t be able to point out on a map. “Those European countries do food so good, I guess it inspired me to give my best shot at it as well.” Self taught, huh? Yeah, you seem like the type to succeed in everything you try. 
The man nods, ultimately wishing he had more to add. He wishes he had just an ounce in common with you, a smidgen of relatability to offer. But he doesn’t. Toji didn’t finish school. He’s never left Japan. He’s never cooked a damn thing from scratch in his life. You must’ve caught on to his struggle and decided to show mercy by adding, “actually, right now we’re eating steak au poivre.”
“Steak au po–” He cut himself off before inevitably butchering the name. “What is that? French?”
You’re nodding enthusiastically. “That’s right. I happened upon this dish when I was staying in Bordeaux with a few college mates.” There’s a sweet smile tugging sheepishly at your lips as you recall the memory. “I fell in love with it the second I tried it, and asked the manager right then and there for the recipe.”
Toji shakes his head with disbelief, talking with his mouth full of food. “You’re just full of stories, aren’t you?”
“Some would call me experienced, yes.”
His brow raises. Experienced? Was that a come on? Toji gives way to his own quaint smile, jutting his chin toward you. “Say it again.”
“Say what again?”
“Steak au whatever.”
You oblige his request, repeating the name back slowly so he could attempt to grasp it. “Steak au poivre. Now you give it a go.”
Toji finishes chewing the mouthful of peppercorn-laced meat, swallowing it down with a swig of the Château Cheval Blanc you’d poured at the start of the meal. Some fancy French imported wine is what he gathered from the long winded description you waxed as you topped off an extravagant glass for him. Wine never really appealed to the man—he usually went for the harder shit. The type that you knock back from lowball glasses. The type to get you piss drunk after three rounds—but it was all you ever drank. It was safe to say he was becoming accustomed to your tastes. Maybe the sweetness wasn’t so terrible. He clears his throat, putting embarrassingly too much effort into his “steak au poivre.” It doesn’t sound pretty the way it did leaving your mouth, and he grimaces. “Can’t fucking do it.”
“I thought you sounded good.” He scoffs at that, but you click your tongue. “I’m serious.”
“Yeah, well, we’ll just leave the French speaking to you.” The plate before him sits scraped clean. You’re still working on your dinner. Fuck, you’re a slow eater. “You know any more?”
“Any more French, you mean?”
He nods along with a gruff hum, swishing his tongue around his teeth, collecting anything left over of that smokiness from the peppered steak. 
“Hm. Tu m'as manqué, Toji.” You hide your grin behind the rim of your glass. 
Thick forearms crossed over chest, he croons a deep, barely-there chuckle. “I heard my name. Tell me what you said.”
“No way,” you chortle.
“Ah, c’mon. You’re all blushy.” He licks over the chappedness of his lower lip, knowing gaze latched onto your lips. It was hypnotic, your smile. “You say somethin’ dirty about me, ma’am?”
The way in which your eyes widened coquettishly at the accusation had Toji’s heart beating just a bit more erratically. Like a fawn, he thinks. All that was missing on you was a white, cottony tail. 
“If I said something dirty, It would have been in a language you could understand.” Finally, you take the last bite off your dish as well. Hopefully that means dinner is officially over; Toji has been craving dessert since he stepped foot in your house and got showered in ‘welcome back’ gifts. “I’m not the type of woman easily embarrassed by my sexuality. I thought you would have picked that up by now.”
He persists. “What are you embarrassed by?”
“Toji.” His name is spoken sharply, a verbal warning that he was tiptoeing the line. Threatening to shatter that layer of thin ice he stood upon. This is what he’s been needing. This is what he’s been fucking needing.
“I’ve been thinking about you, ma’am.” Any semblance of a filter is long gone, melted by the sheer heat of his desire. His limbs feel heavy, hands tumbling into his lap. They rest on the wide surface area of sweatpant-clad thighs, just sitting there. Feeling himself. “This entire week, I’ve been thinking.”
You seem to get the implications of his confession. “In a sexual way?”
“Yeah.” That’s a white lie. To be truthful was to admit that the sexual thoughts Toji let himself think about you were the minority. Objectifying you in the depths of his mind wasn't enough. He thought about your breasts, sure. He thought about your curves, and your ass, and your mouth, and every other body part that would grant him pleasure. But that wasn’t enough for Toji. Fixations of his tended to lead him astray from fantasies, instead breaching carefully saved memories stored within his brain catalog. When he touched himself, it was more or less to remembrances of mundane tasks you’d dealt him in the past. All the times you had bestowed little gifts and knick knacks on a whim just because they reminded you of him. Or when you drag him to the outlets with you for a shopping spree and he’ll act miserable the entire time, but you both knew it was a horribly crafted facade. Or even, like now, when you’d treat him to dinner because you worry over him and his eating schedule. The little things really counted; a revelation that scared Toji shitless, so he opted to ignore those budding, foreign feelings and replace it with familiarity: lust.
“Toji, honey, are you alright?”
What? His breathing pattern was off kilter, and the muscles of his jaw flexed unconsciously. When had he started palming himself? His right hand had grown a mind of its own apparently, because when Toji stole a glance downward, there it was; kneading roughly at the bulge between his meaty thighs. How desperate was he? To go dormant like that, so consumed with the thought of you that he began to instinctually masturbate himself not even five feet away from where you sit. And why… Why wasn’t he stopping?
“Can we fuck now?”
“Oh.” You barely look shocked. Not the slightest bit appalled like he expected you to be. Instead, slide off a ring that took purchase wrapped around your middle finger. A sigh escapes you as you place the band on the table. “I still have more to ask you. I wanted to know how your work trip went.”
Toji shakes his head, something akin to a toddler trying to get fed vegetables. “No.”
“No?”
“I don’t wanna talk about work.”
“Why not?” You frown, leaning forward against the tabletop. “Was it bad?”
He knows what you’re doing. Trying to make him spill any details about his job. Well, he won’t give in. 
A heavy sigh slithers out hoarsely from the deepest part of his lungs, and Toji presses his palms to the table, pushing himself up. He stands tall, much like the tent at his crotch, and slinks along the roundness of the dinner table, walking his fingertips across the top all the while. “I don’t want to talk,” he reiterates, breathy and abrasive.
Finally, Toji stands before you. Still, you are seated, unbothered by the towering man’s presence. No, you’re swirling your wine glass sophisticatedly, lips pursed into a narrow line. Like you’re the slightest bit irritated with his persistent defiance. 
God, you won't even look at him.
Or maybe, you were never irritated at all. Toji cops a second glance to your lips, finding the faintest ghost of a frown. “You’ve been acting so… so removed. Ever since you left.” Now you’re looking at him; Toji shudders under the intense fire that billows behind your eyes, wide and wetted with worry. “I want you to feel like you can tell me things. I want your trust, Toji.”
You have his trust. Every last crumb of it resides in the palm of your soft hand.
“... And I know that it’s stupid—I’m stupid for wanting that from you. I know what this relationship is, and I know that there are these unspoken boundaries, but I—I can’t—”
It was the first time he’d ever heard you speak with such a volatile expression. There was a tremble of uncertainty in your vocal chords, carrying into the skittish dialogue that tumbled out in rambles. Something about such a show of pity from you, his Y/n, made his guts churn like butter. He can’t listen to this any more. With swiftness, Toji dives down to press his mouth against yours, swallowing the words that die on your tongue. One hand grips the back of your chair, the other holds the roundness of your cheek. He feels your gasp, feels the way your shoulders jolt in surprise, but he doesn’t release you.
This was really only his second instance of kissing you. The first had been in his bed, with his groin pressed to yours, tongue fighting its way to the back of your throat with greedy fervor. This second kiss was anything but greedy, though. Despite the ache that roiled at the base of his stomach, Toji didn’t serve you a kiss that reflected his desire. Tongues never met and spit was never swapped; just lips on glossed lips. 
At last, Toji reluctantly peels away. Lipstick residue feels heavy on his mouth, and he knows he probably looks foolish donning remnants of your dark lip lacquer, but he doesn’t move to wipe his skin. The circular bottom of the wine glass clinks as you clumsily set it down, freeing your hands. They branch upwards, finding his face. A pair of thumbs rub the sensitive pads of flesh beneath his eyes, massaging out those ugly, darkened bags that have accumulated as a result of many sleepless nights. It feels orgasmic, the way you handle him. 
“I trust you.” The words are out in the air before he has time to think.
You brighten, sunshine hiding in the crevices of your smile. “You mean that?” You ask him, hands petting down the sides of his neck.
He meant it wholeheartedly. The amount of trust left within Toji was scarce. Too many bad people fucked him for life; showed him the meaning of the phrase ‘trust is earned.’ So it really fucking freaked him out how quickly you came to earn it. A little over a year-–that’s how long he’s known you—you’ve have plenty of time to fuck him over. To batter him. And yet, you haven’t. All you’ve ever shown him was kindness and consideration and warmth and everything else Toji never knew how bad he was thirsty for.
“Wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.”
“I trust you, too, Toji.” 
He wonders if he deserves that. Because really, what has given you besides his annoyingly closed-off dickhead attitude? He provides fuck all, but you still stick around. 
Toji doesn’t say anything. He swoops once more, capturing your lips in a hungrier kiss than before. All the playful innocence is tossed aside, forgotten in lieu of Toji’s devastatingly furious need to consume you. Tongues finally greet each other in a spittle-slicked tango; he dominates yours with ease, worming behind your teeth just to collect your sweet flavor. Wine, he thinks. You taste like your goddamn expensive ass wine.
He feels feverish. One-track minded, hyper fixated on you. On your crossed legs underneath the table. “Fuck,” Toji breathes into your mouth, sucking on your bottom lip.
Your hand clashes against the hard wall of his chest, patting it softly. A wordless signal that you need some air, so he retracts. “Let’s go to the bedroom.” 
The plea goes in one ear and falls right out the other. Toji leeches against your neck, dragging the flat of his wet tongue over that little throbbing pulse point. His teeth grate against your flawless skin, completely none the wiser that you’re even talking to him. You thwack the back of his head, and he lurches into the crook of your shoulder, muffling a groan.
“No marks, I’ve got work.”
His eyes roll, face still burrowed against you. He couldn’t give less of a shit about your job right now. 
“Come on, let’s go to my room.” “Gimme a sec.” He’s still licking below your jaw, making his way down. This stupidly lavish house had been cursed with three levels, your bedroom holed up at the very top floor. Like hell Toji was going to part ways with your glorious body so you two could safely make it up the two ridiculous staircases. Fuck that.
“Toji, I’m… serious…” Your raucous pants of anticipation suggest otherwise. Toji has sunken to his knees, crawling beneath the table and finding a home on the floor before your seat. His kneecaps scream in discomfort as they pin heavily to the wooden floorboards, but Toji bears the pain well ( he’d always been somewhat of a masochist ). Your legs are still crossed, one knee hinging over the other. 
“Open these.” Two calloused hands cuff around the thinnest parts of either ankle. Your legs were conspicuously smooth; did you shave for him? There is an attempt at delicacy when Toji pries your legs apart, and it makes you giggle. 
“Here?” You laugh more. Toji suspects you’re patronizing him in a way. “I haven’t even cleared the table. Are you really so impatient?”
And here Toji thought he exercised his patience well. He didn’t jump your bones the second of his arrival. No, he waited like a good boy until after dinner. “I’ve waited for this the whole week.” Restless hands walk up those porcelain calves, strong and lean from working in high heels. They wander up, hooking beneath the junctures of your knees; Toji uses his celestial strength to his advantage, maneuvering both legs with ease until he’s got them resting comfortably over his broad shoulders. Toji turns, cocks his head to give a serpentine lick to the inside of your thigh. Then a bite. “Don’t make me wait any longer. I’ll fucking die.”
You peer down at him. “Don’t talk like that.” You feel yourself. Small hands groping your chest, sliding lower and lower. “You’re not going to die.”
His mouth feels sticky, like there’s a spoonful of honey under his tongue. “I might.”
Your heel drives into his upper back, an impish little warning that makes him throb all over. “Don’t talk like that, I said.” Those manicured hands have garnered Toji’s full attention. They descend all the way to the hem of your luxurious dress, wrenching into its hem. It’s the sexiest sight Toji had ever seen: you pulling your dress up with the quickness of a sloth, inching the fabric up until it scrunches around the dip of your waistline. 
“These are hot,” he murmurs, thumbing the waistband of the scarlet panties. They were tight, sinking into the ample pudge of your hips and soft tummy. So fucking beautiful, he thinks, the contrast between deep red lace and the flesh of which it lays upon. The perfect, little present gift wrapped in a low-rise lace thong. “Bet they cost a pretty penny.”
You spare a breathy exhale through your nostrils. “I don’t look at price tags when I buy things for you.”
You bought these just for him? “You spoil me.”
“You deserve to get spoiled, baby.”
He is so mind numbingly turned on. Sickening tendrils of appetence bleed into his vision, his lust coils around his limbs and guide his movements like a marionette. Toji thumbs your—his—panties to the side, soaking in the sight of that pretty pussy he’s longed to be back inside of since the moment he pulled out. His face is close, so fucking close that he can feel warmth radiate off your core and deepen his flush.
Perhaps this is how he begins his journey of repayment. Ever indebted to you, despite your odd relationship being a mutually agreed upon situation, Toji fears you’ve truly altered him. For the better or worse he isn’t sure yet; all he knows is that you make him feel good. Better than he’s felt in fucking ages. You said he deserves to get spoiled? Well so do you, too.
Toji eats you with erotic vigor, delving into the deepest parts of your cunt with his lascivious tongue. He’ll be the first to admit that he doesn’t possess many skills. He isn’t terribly smart, nor is he gifted with great conversational skills like you. He isn't good at holding a real job. Isn’t very good at expressing himself. Not good at abiding by the law, or staying sober, either. But if ever there was an artistry in which Toji had full confidence he had mastered, it was oral sex.
“Oh, Toji,” you gasped, forcing his face deeper with a hand on the back of his skull. “Right there.”
Toji dug you out, excavating your hole with expertise. One hand slipped up beneath your dress, under your bra, pawing at your breast whilst the other busied itself in his pants. He stroked himself to the heady taste of pussy, fanning your clit with hot puffs of breath. You writhe against his open mouth, hips dancing, hands grabbing.
It’s more enjoyable like this, Toji thinks briefly. To not expect a wad of bills afterward in exchange for his velvet tongue. He eats you for leisure, because he wants to, and because you want him, and no other reason. It’s enough that you both need each other.
Toji groans loosely when you yank his hair, getting off on the way you move his head to your liking. “Suck my clit,” you instruct quietly, and he obliges with upmost obedience, nose nuzzling against the tuft of hair at your pubic bone.
Toji opens his eyes for the first time in a while, then thanks God he did. You look something like a goddess, celestial and righteous in the way your body works against his face. Using him to cure an insatiable desperation, with your lids screwed shut and head tossed back on your shoulders. “Are you gonna cum?” He sits up on his haunches a little taller, a little more alert now to fully experience your orgasm. “Cum in my mouth.”
He begs for it. Begs like a little bitch. Over and over again, mumbling the mantra between rough suctions to your swollen clit. Begging wasn’t like him. His father beat the beggar out of him many years ago, said it was weak to yearn for things so badly. The old man was right, Toji has never felt weaker than he does right now, knelt under the table with his head between your thighs.
“Oh my God.” Your voice is strained thin, each syllable pulled taught. The vice grip on his roots start to sting, follicles ripping from the scalp, but doesn’t tell you to stop. “Toji, fuck you’re so good.”
He’s good.
“You’re so good.”
“Mmn.” He squeezes himself, chokes his dick hard. Toji feels it when you cum. Warmth floods the cavern of his slack mouth, gushing and creamy. You fall silent, stunned by the force of your orgasm he presumes. Toji licks you through your high, guzzling down every drop of wetness that seeps from your spasming slit. It’s hot and gushy and messy; cum dribbles past his lips, collecting in beads that roll down his tensing neck.
Only when you blindly push at his face does Toji part ways with your center, leaning past your trembling hand to nuzzle into your stomach. It’s concave with an ongoing exhale; he nips at your navel. “Breathe.”
“Toji,” you whisper. On the come down, you’re a lot nicer; those needy, grabbing hands of yours now stroked down the tangled mess of his damp shag. He presses a handful of sloppy smooches above your belly button.
The erection trapped in the confines of his pants twitch at the dreadfully angelic drawl of his name. “Good?” His question is gruff and pointless as ever; anyone with eyes could tell you just had the most Earth-shattering orgasm of your life.
Your head lolls forward, rolling down to face him. Fingertips brush his chin, collecting the sticky residuals that dampened his stubble. You take your lower lip in between teeth when you bring those same soaked digits to Toji’s open mouth. He doesn’t resist you. Fingers are welcomed; he unhinges his jaw, baring the same holy tongue that just drove you to Heaven. You wipe cum-ridden fingers against the muscle, and Toji clamps around them in a vacuum-esque suction, looking up at you through dark lashes all the while. Your thumb traces the raised flesh on his upper lip. That ugly, jagged scar.
He catches your wrist when you move to flee his mouth, holding you in place. Sucking on you, touching himself along the way. Lapping between fingers, tonguing the thin web of skin there.
“So good, baby boy.” There’s the praise he craved, the praise he played oblivious to get. You claw deeper, jutting towards the back of his throat, pulling a scratchy gag from the man. What kind of fetish was this? You made everything sexy, even whatever this humiliation ritual was; watching him choke down slippery fingers with fat tears bleeding at his waterline. “You are so beautiful, Toji.”
“—oh en nah,” or no I’m not had there not been a barrier blocking his teeth from touching. Toji knows he’s an aged man, one riddled with scars and wounds and bruises and gauges and what have you. His skin is nowhere near perfect, baring disgusting reminders of what he does—who he is. Beautiful is what he’d call someone like you. Someone calm and serene, humble and kind. You’re a beautiful sight, and you’re also the complete and utter opposite of him.
“You are.” He wanted to be inside you for this. Toji had been daydreaming this scenario over and out in his head over the long haul of the week, going through the motions of his plan to fuck you. He’d give you everything tenfold, a barbaric fucking unlike your first time together. He imagined finally showing you his version of things, bending you over the couch first thing and blowing his load deep into your cunt.
Toji choked again, and a single thick tear fell from his lashes. You whispered sweet prayers, holding his face, wiping his eyes, fucking his mouth with fingers that tasted of your cum. It was a damn mystery how you rendered him so fucking pitiful, to be nutting on his knees into his boxers like this. A damn mystery.
His breaths are ragged when he explodes, hand and cock obscured by the sweatpants that sat low around his hips. Toji doesn’t stop pumping, tugging the shaft with long, hard strokes, wringing himself dry. Dark eyes weld shut, and he collapses against your thigh with a quake of exhaustion. Toji doesn’t know when you withdrew your fingers; the only tell that gave it away was the string of saliva that slapped coldly against his chin in the wake of your removal. He mewls, a graveling sound that sounds as if his voice box had been dragged through a sea of razor blades.
“You alright?”
A flowery hand slithers beneath his damp cheek, and suddenly his heavy head is being lifted. Toji is forced to meet your soft gaze; adoration brims in your eyes, as though you’re proud of him for creaming in his briefs like some flimsy virgin.
“Answer me, please.”
Toji smacks his mouth, preparing for his voice to project broken and fragmented. “I’m fine.” He could do without the pity; you were cautious to a fault. He wasn’t made of glass.
“You’re filthy.”
He grumbles, feigning grumpiness and averting his eyes off to the side. “I just had your pussy in my mouth.”
You bend at the waist, leaning down to meet him for a kiss. Toji melts against you, cradling your face with his semen-stained hand. You don’t seem to mind the wetness. He’s pouting against your mouth, childlike. “I wanted to cum inside you.”
You latch onto his nose, nibbling the point. “Let’s go clean up.” There’s a telling smile etched onto your lips, and your mouth finds his ear. Whispering ever so sensually, “I have a big shower in my bedroom.”
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backinmyphase · 27 days ago
Text
Not the whole truth
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Synopsis: You didn't know why, but Satoru Gojo was acting different than usual and not in a good way. Well, your husband was sure that you were lying to him.
Or: Satoru Gojo doesn't even know how attached he will grow to his wife yet.
Pairing: Gojo x reader, 3100 words
Series masterlist
Contains: arranged marriage, generational trauma, jujutsu clans and higher ups, much Angst, trowing up, mention of curses
I'm sorry that this chapter is a bit later than usual, I was feeling a bit sick and fitting with the chapter I threw up :') But I hope you enjoy and feel free to comment, I love to read your thoughts!
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"Were you expecting a letter?"
Your husband Satoru Gojo doesn't even look at you as he speaks. Instead his face is expressionless, like a mask he was wearing. Almost like your mother.
He was acting so different from yesterday, it was scary. Did you cross a line?
"No, why? Did a letter come?"
His voice isn't heared a couple of seconds, until he spoke again. "Yeah, from your mother."
Your eyes couldn't help but widen as his words sunk in. She knew. She knew where you were. The house wasn't yours anymore, she knew. How? Since when? HOW?
Satoru's head rose and his eyes suddenly seemed so far away. Like an ocean you will never cross. Cold, like the icebergs in the Antarctica. Not like anytime you saw them before.
"Oh really?"
You kept your voice steady as you took a grape from the offered lunch of the hotel.
"Yeah, here." he slided the piece of paper across the small table to you. Your name written in the handwriting you knew so well. "Does she write you regularly?"
Your mind froze as you thought back. Yeah, she did. But not because of the reason he thought she did. Not because she was worried about her precious daughter. No, more like she worried about her hopefully grandson.
You just nodded and wanted to open the letter as his warm hand grabbed yours.
For a moment he seemed approachable. His eyes bigger than before he looked at you with almost desperation in those deep eyes.
"Are you really close with her?"
The piece of paper sank deep into your skin as you looked at him. What should you do? You couldn't let him know, your mother would kill you! But...
It was so hard when he looked at you like that.
Your hands fiddled with the piece of the paper and drew your whole attention. They were twitching. You wanted to rip them out.
"Yes, I am." the lie left your mouth like a rock falling down a mountain. Fast but not safe. "Didn't I tell you that already?"
His eyes and mind closed from you eight in front of your eyes. You could see his emotions being pushed down and his body sitting up straight.
"Well, then." he stood up to go to the bathroom. "Could you tell me later what was written inside?"
You just nodded as he left. What happened since yesterday? What did you do? How did you get in this situation?
+:★:+*━━━ A bit ago ━━━*+:★:+*
The bed was cold. So so cold. Your consciousness slowly grew as you shivered at the unexpected coldness under the covers of the big bed.
He wasn't here.
Did you wake up early than usual? Normally he would wake you by accidentally being a bit louder when he came back from his round around the town. But Satoru didn't seem in sight.
Your body had the usual heaviness it was yesterday freed from. It wasn't easy to leave the bed but you wanted to get up.
You felt terrible.
The tiredness became unreal. Why couldn't you just be well rested after that much sleep? It felt like a boulder pressed your body down and chained you to the bed. Your body seemed so lazy.
Legs heavy, you slowly made your way to the bathroom. The clock surprising you.
10:24?
That couldn't be right. No, Satoru should have showed up by that already! And you surely haven't slept that much! Right?
As you looked at your things you needed to get ready, you sighed. There it was like every morning. The hairpin of your mother, your wedding present.
Why did you even take it with you? Yes, it was pretty but the guilt that came with it was far more influence. And you didn't even use it!
It almost seemed to look at you disappointed.
Your exhaustion was really getting out of hand! Maybe you should talk to Hina's grandmother for advice against sleeping problems...
As you began to brush your teeth, you this feeling of uneasiness began to creep up your back. Slowly, like a someone was watching you. Like something will happen...
The sound of the door opening made you cough up your toothpaste.
"Er, phew! Satoru?" you called over your shoulder while washing your face.
"Yeah?"
"Did you have trouble?" you dried your face trying to get your eyes to open properly. "You're later than usual."
He kept quiet for a couple of seconds. Then he sighed. "Yeah, you could say that."
The silence after that wasn't like the silence yesterday. It was awkward, you didn't know what to say. You couldn't explain it, but he sounded different. He didn't sound like smiling.
"I'm going down to eat lunch." his voice got a bit more quiet and moved away. "I didn't get anything."
"Okay." you didn't know what was happening, but something was wrong. The comfort of yesterday wasn't seen in any corner, didn't matter how much you searched for it.
Oh, god you did something wrong, didn't you?
+:★:+*━━━ Now ━━━*+:★:+*
Your letter weighed heavy in your hand. And as you opened it, the weight only seemed to grow.
Dear daughter,
I hope this letter finds you enjoying yourself. Well, after all that's what you so desperately seem to want. You can count yourself lucky, your slip up is being forgiven. The higher ups seem to be of the opinion that you acted for the greater good and just didn't think. That you wanted to take action in the matter heir.
They expect that you will expect a child when you come back.
The luck really is on your side. They wouldn't be half as kind if they weren't aware of where you were. Your vacation isn't frowned upon, as long you don't forget why you took it.
Enjoy your days, Sincerely, your mother.
On the back was the date of your next meeting engraved. She didn't write you anything else. You felt like throwing up.
Taking action in the matter heir? Expecting a child? You weren't close to anything like that!
What would they do to you, if they find out? No, when they find out? What will your mother say?
The table full of things to eat was suddenly all grey. You didn't feel hungry anymore, even though you didn't eat much.
Tears began to form in your eyes. You couldn't help it. The reality of what you were supposed to do came crushing down on you, making no room for the lightness of yesterday.
You desperately rubbed your eyes, trying to stop the tears but it was no use.
You couldn't show yourself like this to Satoru.
Your room didn't have the thickest walls, he would hear you in the bathroom. So you moved to the bathroom for the guests that weren't staying over the night and tried to calm down.
What were you supposed to tell Satoru?
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
Satoru knew that he should have given you both letters. But there was this uneasiness in the room with all these questions.
Why did these old hags even write you?
He couldn't explain it to himself. And he wanted to open the letter so bad to find the answer. But...
He didn't want to open letters that were for you. That felt so wrong. Like he was using your trust and god he didn't want you to be mad at him again.
But did you even trust him?
If you did, why were you lying to him? You seemed to have anything but a good relationship with your mother. But when he asked you, you insisted that you did. Two times.
Your face as you looked at the letter wasn't screaming happiness. No, it was confusion and even something like fear.
Did you think you could fool him?
The mirror was fogged as he left the shower. He felt uneasy. Like he wasn't seeing something he should.
Sighing, he started to get ready. Maybe he was over thinking. Maybe you did have a good relationship with your mother. You did have meetings with her a couple of times.
Which were really long...
The meetings?
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
"You don't look well. Are you okay?"
In fact you looked like you had cried. But you didn't seem to show that to him, meaning you smiled at him like that would be a prove.
"Yeah, don't worry."
He couldn't stand this charade that you played now. But he decided to play along. "What did she write to you?"
"Oh, the usual. I should greet you from my mother. She wished us a good honeymoon and that we would enjoy our time." the laugh that followed was more than forced.
He felt his patience slipping away. "I thought she didn't like me?"
You looked at him like he was speaking another language. "I mean yeah-, but your still my husband which she respects." the fastness with wich you spoke gave you away.
You were nervous. Why were you this nervous in his presence?
"Ah."
"Are you okay?" you looked at him with a frown. "You seem on edge."
Oh and how he was on edge. Who wasn't, when they knew they were being lied to?
"Yeah, just a bit stressed." he couldn't help but look at the letter in your hands. "Have the feeling there is a curse nearby."
"A curse?" your eyes were grewing big. "Here?"
"I will look for it later." he was sure he needed some time alone after this. "We can go to the restaurant some other time, right?"
You nodded, a terrified look in your eyes. "Of course!" you stood up. "I should go to our room, I don't want to hinder your work."
"Wait."
Now or never.
"I wanted to ask you something."
You stopped. Your tense back to him. "What is it?"
"Did the higher-ups bother you with something? Regarding our marriage?" he cleared his throat. "Just curious."
You didn't look at him, just muttered a small 'No' and 'Is there anything else?'
He let you go upstairs. Now he was sure of it. You kept something from him. And this something was in those letters.
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
Satoru was out for hours.
You were worried about him. He seemed so out of it this morning. And then these questions...
Was he onto something?
You couldn't afford his mistrust. Not when your whole purpose is making an heir!
That sounded so wrong.
You looked at the books on your night table he bought for you. They were all a bit different. Some a different genre. Like he wanted to make sure you had at least on book that you would like.
You hated yourself for lying to this man.
You sighed as the usual tiredness overcame you again. Grabbing a book you read. Just wanting to forget this morning.
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
It was late. The moon was already up and as he went up the stairs he knew that you would already be in bed.
He canceled your reservation.
He wasn't sure why, but he didn't want to ho there anymore. Not after he read what these douchbags were writing you.
Not after he knew what you kept from him.
He opened the door slowly and careful trying not to wake you. You were curled up on the bed, you seemed to shiver.
On the table next to you the second letter.
"Satoru, is that you?" your teeth were chattering.
"Yeah, it's just me."
He felt so dumb as he looked at you. So dumb for thinking you could just have a normal honeymoon, when you weren't even in love.
"Need your warmth." you sniffled. "Please?"
He was fighting with himself. He didn't want to invade your personal space, not after reading all of that. Not when you thought of it like it was your duty to-
He shivered just thinking about it.
But at the same time he didn't want you to be cold. And how could he deny his darling wife?
"I'm coming." very carefully he laid himself next to you, trying to avoid touching you, just carefully hugging you. "Is that better?"
You seemed to sleep already.
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
It was so cold.
Your body felt like being pushed around, everything seemed to spin. Your hands felt frozen, like they didn't were under the covers.
Your throat was dry and something sticky seemed to make itself home in it. The force that held your eyes closed was so strong.
The spinning didn't seem to end.
Wait, a second... It didn't just feel like your body moved, it did!
With much willpower you forced your eyes to open and slowly turned around. And your blood seemed to freeze with your body.
There was Satoru sleeping but had a frown on his face. And a distance between you. But not because he moved, you were pushed back. By something you couldn't see. By infinity.
...
You forced yourself up, away from the bed. Everything started to make sense. He wasn't comfortable in your presence. After yesterday he searched for distance, even in his subconsciousness.
You were to pushy, god, why were you so pushy?!
Slowly you took steps back, trying to get away from the invisible wall that so clearly pushed you away. Almost stumbling you went into the bathroom.
01:24
Kinda ironic.
As you looked in the mirror you gasped. You looked like a corpse. Your fingers in the light even a bit blue. Panic started to rise and pushed you onte the ground.
Spit began to collect in your mouth and your stomach twisted. Your head was so heavy as you slided over to the toilet.
And then it just fell all out.
Your stomach twisting and turning, the pain slowly leaving but your eyes were burning even more.
It seemed to go for hours as you sat there. Defeated, so so powerless.
You felt disgusting.
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
You didn't know how, but somehow you collected all your pieces and cleaned everything before falling onto the couch.
It was harder then the bed, but that didn't bother you anymore. The distance between you was far more important now.
He seemed to sleep so peaceful now.
He had moved since you stood up. God, now you were the one watching him sleep, you should get your act together.
But even though you were so so tired, you couldn't sleep.
Your surrounding seemed to watch you and the uneasy feeling from the morning came doubled back.
The luck really is on your side. They wouldn't be half as kind if they weren't aware of where you were.
They knew where you were. They could just come. Maybe even tomorrow. And even though you knew that would be unreasonable, the fear didn't leave.
You wanted to cry. But it was so cold.
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
It was early than usual. Satoru was still sleeping as your eyes opened. Your body was heavy but the feeling of disgust with yourself made you move.
Normally you wouldn't go downstairs, you would hjust read. But you didn't want to be there when he woke up. No that would be unbearable.
So you went into the bathroom again, the crime scene of the night nowhere in sight. The hairpin waiting for you on the counter like it was ready to stab you.
A laugh escaped your lips.
Your mother really couldn't leave you alone, even now she stole herself into your thoughts.
Why were you even here?
Trying to get away from all of these curses in this hotel room, you hurried as you stepped the staircase down. You really needed a light chat with Hina's grandmother.
And some tips against bad sleeping.
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
Satoru hadn't slept so bad in a long time. He turned and turned but couldn't get any good position. And he was sure that that couldn't be normal.
Normally he had a rhythm in his sleep. Get the minimum that you need and get up. He normally had to work after all.
But now his thoughts just couldn't shut up.
He woke up much later than usual. And he knew something was wrong when his six eyes were tired.
You weren't in the room.
The room was so coldly empty, his thoughts almost were silent. But only for a short time, they began to circle around the thing that was bugging him, even in his dreams.
Your lying.
And he knew he shouldn't, he knew that what he was doing was maybe much much worse than just lying but the letter from your mother was right next to him on the night table.
"Didn't I tell you that already?"
Fuck it. Maybe this was unreasonable, but he had to live with you for the rest of his life. And he hated secrets.
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
"Oh, Mrs. Gojo you look like you didn't sleep well, is everything alright?" the sweet elderly woman looked concerned as you sat down in front of her.
"Just trouble with sleeping. Do you have any tips?"
Her concern only grew in her eyes. "Well I drink warm milk before sleeping, I can bring you a cup every evening, if you want?"
You smiled at her. "That would be lovely, thank you."
She just nodded, hesitant smiling back. "It's naturally."
She brought you a hot chocolate, while she handled the organization of the guests. Turning the pages in the guestlist she spoke again.
"Were you happy to receive the letters?"
"Oh yeah, my mother is always a surprise." you began to chuckle a bit, but it died down in your sticky throat as you realized what she has just said.
"Oh I can relate! I write Hina always a couple of letters at the same time!" the woman chuckled a bit. "But I thought the two letters were from different people?"
"Oh they were." you tried to keep your composure even though the panic mixed with lots of anger made it really hard for you.
Really Satoru?
Two letters?
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etesians · 1 month ago
Text
“I’ve just had a thought.”
Kei looks up from his phone, eyes drooping, the hour you’ve spent lounging on the couch rendering him immune to the fact that his neck is bent at a disastrous angle against the armrest. It has you pulling him forward, taking the pillow from under your neck to stuff under his, but it’s a fine trade. Now you can lay against the warmth of his chest and settle into what Kei calls the pre-nap—or, what he used to call it, back when he was still too embarrassed to simply say that he wanted cuddles.
“Woah, careful there," he can't pass up the opportunity to start with. Then, "Good kind or bad kind?”
You hum. “Sickeningly domestic kind.”
“So… good,” he decides after a beat, setting his phone down on the coffee table.
Those long, gentle fingers you love slide into your hair, and it’s a wonder how they’re always able to sate an itch that only manifests itself mere seconds before the touch, just so they can be rubbed away by him and him alone; suspiciously wizard-like. “It’s not like I’m opposed to any of that… Since it’s you.”
Aww.
“Honeycakes—” you coo obnoxiously, disguising his name in the endearment, which gets you exactly what you'd expect—the full moon's circumference of his palm eclipsing your vision, his grip light as he smushes your face around for a while, unable to rid himself of the urge. When he lets go a minute later, you share a mirrored look of contentment, all stupid smiles and rolling eyes, before you settle your ear over his heart and he resumes massaging your scalp.
Whatever video he was watching drones on in the meantime. Something about a supermoon coming up and dropping temperatures… Partly rainy with a high of seventy-three degrees and a low of sixty-eight and—wow, he really got sucked into watching the weather channel... Such old man behavior. But it’s quiet enough to tune out against the steady drum in his ribs, so you both leave it be.
“Your idea, baby.”
“Oh, right. So I was thinking—y’know, when we start buying stuff for the house…”
“Mmhm?”
“For utensils, what if we found the same forks you grew up using, and the same spoons I had, so that our future kid'll have pieces of both of our childhoods already built into theirs? It’d be like our own little mismatched set.” "You're right..." It's quiet for a moment. Then Kei blows out a breath, his mind positively sunnier with the image. “That is sickeningly domestic.”
You open your mouth to defend the idea—because it is a good idea, notes-app worthy, even—when he tacks on, “I’m not saying no. God, you’re just so cute sometimes...” the words followed up by him pulling on your cheek. “Is that why you kept hovering by the drawers when we visited my mom? ‘What if’ my ass—you already found them on google, didn't you?”
Your bubbling laughter gives you away. Because he’s right—they’re in your amazon shopping cart as you speak, just waiting on his two cents.
“What about chopsticks, then? And knives. And spatulas.”
Spatulas? You raise a brow.
Kei only shrugs in response.
“The rest can be new. I don’t want all of it to be us holding onto old things,” you pause. “But my star curtains are non-negotiable.”
“They have holes in them.”
“Those are the cutouts! And you even said they were pretty when the light’s seeping through them.”
“Okay, yes, they are pretty," he relents, setting his glasses down by his phone. Silencing the weather report with a slide of his thumb. “But furnishings aside, we’d still be missing one thing…”
“Tsukishima Kei, I know exactly what you’re thinking…” You find yourself being rolled onto your back, his pupils pushing the golden-brown of his irises to the outer rims as they dilate. “And the answer is no.”
“What?” Kei smirks, almost sing-songy as he trails kisses down your collar. He’s not actually gunning for that part of your life together yet. Key word—yet. You’d both agreed to preserve the first year of your marriage for just the two of you. Figuring out the ins and outs of buying a house together and all the legalities that came with it had been hard enough on its own.
Everything after your one-year anniversary, though, is completely fair game.
“You’re the one who brought up a little Tsukishima…”
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shiny-jr · 6 months ago
Text
damnation (peek VI?)
Warning: Yes, this is a yandere thing. Gender-neutral reader.
Characters: Ortho Shroud, Idia Shroud.
Summary: When you commit a crime, you receive a punishment. This is especially true in your society. No matter the crime, your punishment is the same: banishment. But to where you will be sent in exile and how miserable will it be? No one knows, because no one has ever returned.
Note: I was looking back at previous sneak-peeks and I realized I've been kinda spoiling y'all with these. But, don't ever let it be said that I don't cherish y'all, so here you go. While I'm currently about 2/3 of the way towards completing the result (if I don't have to rewrite it or change scenes or do anything major), the sneak-peek is only about eight or nine pages. Which is still a lot when you consider that the end result will be anywhere from 42 to 45 pages. Let's hope that I continue writing at this steady pace. I will not give a date for when this is fully completed, so please don't ask! It's done when it's done.
I . . . II . . . III . . . IV . . . V . . . VI . . . VII
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THE LORD OF THE UNDERWORLD
Cold metal. There was a slight weight on the top of your skull, like the heft of a helmet. Carefully reaching up, your fingers touched thin cold metal, but as you tried to gingerly remove it, it failed to come off. Gentle tugs become harsh pulls, but that only serves to form an ache in your head as if you were pulling on your hair. Was it some sort of deadly contraption placed on prisoners? Was this how they wanted you to die? By crushing your skull with this thing? 
“Wh– Where am I…?”
As you stumbled over your own two feet, you stopped yanking on the metal on top of your cranium. Fear took root as you took note of your surroundings, dark and unfamiliar, those same qualities as the jail cell but this was unlike any prison. There were high walls with columns of gray and silver and gold, arched ceilings that were mixes of blues and grays and blacks which almost looked like painted murals that had been smeared across the surface. The floor was freezing like cement, but it was a smooth polished dark gray. With at least two floors, the second was accessible by some wide curved stairs which lead to more of the unknown. Your voice echoed in the space, leaving you to believe you were completely alone. 
Skull-crushing could still be on the list of possible ways to die. Or would your punishment be isolation? Complete solitude was known to drive people insane. It didn’t even seem like a single soul alive was here, leaving only the sound of your heavy breathing in the otherwise unsettling silence. White flowers from large vases wilted, their petals suspended gray and limp like hanged bodies.
On the floors you nearly slip and hit your head, but you manage to grab a nearby column that was as thick and sturdy as an old oak tree. That’s when you caught sight of your reflection in a nearby huge vase coated with a reflective exterior. You were staring wide-eyed at an unfamiliar figure, so odd that it took a moment to register that it was truly you. 
A long black cloth with dark blue meander borders acted like a shirt or a robe, wrapping over one shoulder and extending in different directions to act like a small cloak and cover part of your legs. From your hips to your ankles covered by part of the top cloth, were a pair of black pants with more blue meander borders decorating it. They were like modern day sweatpants and an ancient palla all in one outfit, which you might’ve admired if you weren’t currently filled with confusion and dread. That metal object on your head was like a headpiece, with two long thin black protruding pieces slicked back that glowed a slight blue. Like a demon’s horns. Impossible to remove. 
You resembled a demon with these horns, a devilish little imp. When your eyes adjusted, the reflective surface of the vase was painted. Painted black and browns, like the famous Athenian ceramic styles with figures of black and brick red. Except, each vase depicted a different scene. A powerful muscled figure standing proudly and holding a bolt of lightning; a baby strangling two large snakes; a young scrawny man training beside a satyr and a pegasus. 
“Get– these off…!”
An imp�� you were an imp! Horror spread across your features, and the constant tugging to remove the metallic horn-like objects from your skull served pain stronger than a slap, to let you know that this was no dream. The judges had cast the final verdict, and as soon as you arrived you were destined to live as a miserable little creature to serve a higher being. A god. 
A God of the Underworld, that wielded the deadliest of blue flames and kept all souls contained within his land of misery. A being of divinity who envied his family and others who dwelled high in the clouds of Mount Olympus, so he planned meticulously for years to lay siege to the mountain by freeing titans who would wreak havoc across the globe. Just as he sits on the throne where the God of Thunder and King of Gods once dwelled, the human son of that royal god arrived to face the dark god. That gloomy and dreary antagonistic god had three main underlings, two of which were imps he regularly abused and tormented. 
Maiming, wringing their necks, burning them in blue fire, those were just some of the torture those imps faced at the hands of their master. You felt yourself fall to your knees in a heap, like a rag doll, by the overwhelming emotions weighing in your mind and the now new burden of survival on your shoulders. This was hell, literally. So caught up with this newfound revelation, that you didn’t even notice the vases become blank as if by magic, wiping the depicted scenes off their surface. Hallucinations! 
These must’ve been hallucinations formed by your unstable mind–– You were especially sure of it when it felt as if the ground vanished beneath your feet and were surrounded by dark mists. The dark and elegant place you had once stood in, was gone, and you plunged into a dark pit. A small plunge, then you fell on rocky uneven earth, leading you to fall flat on your face. There was hardly any light, and the ceiling was low. But, there was a blue flame, a small glow to which you opened your eyes to. 
In front of you was a young boy that looked more akin to an android. Surely, another illusion, but your certainty wavered when it blinked at you. It blinked with its wide bright yellow eyes. Its eyes were like a light, as was its hair made of what seemed like real blue flames that was like a torch in this small cave. Its body was dark and metallic, part of those metals extending over the mouth like a mask. “There you are! I was beginning to wonder if you chickened out. Are you ready to put on a show? Remember, we gotta make it believable, the hero won’t be the only one there! We gotta trick all the humans!” 
“W-What…?” You watched as the android-like being opened up a hologram in front of him, and on the screen of light were various shapes and figures of numerous creatures and people alike. 
Whatever this thing was, its voice became monotone for a brief few seconds as its pointer finger landed on the image of a normal young boy. “Selecting… Loading… Finalizing appearance.” In an instant, a light flashed over him and he became that little boy in the hologram. “What do you think? Pretty convincing, huh? Now, your turn!”
If you squint, it was like peering through glass, because at some angles you could still see the android. However, you had absolutely no time to question it, or the situation at hand, or what he could’ve possibly meant, because the quiet was shattered by the squeal of what sounded like a horse. 
Scrambling onto your feet, you approached the thin tiny opening where light filtered in, far too small to squeeze through but just big enough to peer through. It took a few spare seconds for your eyes to adjust to the light of the outside on this cloudy day, but you could make out high rock cliffs as gray as the sky. And a white horse with wings, a pegasus, several meters away with two people. A young man in purple who looked quite ruffled and a muscular woman with auburn locks. You blanched upon recognizing the location. 
The mighty hero was said to have fought his first life-threatening battle in a gorge, just like this one. It was a battle that nearly cost him his life. The human servant, obliged to serve the dark Lord of the Underworld, lured the hero to the gorge under the guise of an accident requiring urgent attention from a savior. When in actuality, the accident involved two children trapped under rubble where nearby the hydra lurked. And those two children? Were the two imps who also served the God of the Dead. One imp, you were one. And the other? Beside you now, which explained his matching metallic horns on his head. Meaning the hydra was near. Each breath you took increased in pace, on the very verge of hyperventilating–– 
“Help! Hurry! We can’t breathe!” The android boy cried for help, his little eyes peeking out of the same gap you were peering out of. Even his voice sounded different with whatever magic or technology he used to disguise himself. As the hero was running over and a crowd was forming a good distance away, your fellow imp looked at you and whispered in confusion, “Where’s your disguise? You can’t let her see––”
“Get me out…!! Please! Anyone! Someone!” You gasped, suddenly realizing just how small it was underneath this massive boulder. It was a miracle it hadn’t crashed down yet, killing you instantly like rock squishing an ant. But if the boulder didn’t kill you, then the hydra would. And that was what terrified you, causing you to scream for help. 
The young boy’s eyes brightened up, looking a bit taken aback at your volume before he grinned. At least, he must’ve been grinning, judging by the way his eyes lit up. Pausing his very loud pleas, he whispered in amazement, “Wow, you’re really good at this acting!” 
You were not acting. Especially not when help arrived in the form of the protagonist. 
Instead of a man as depicted in the stories, it was a woman. A woman with innocent blue eyes and a kind voice that attempted to ease the worries of what she must’ve thought were two poor victims trapped beneath debris from a rock slide. Her eyes darted from what she saw as a regular little boy, then over to you. “It’s okay, I promise you’ll be alright.” Those eyes like the bright blue sky, softened with a hint of pity, maybe because you just looked that pitiful and on the verge of tears. Because you knew what monster would come lurking from the gorge just moments after you and the small horned being beside you are supposed to be saved. 
Incredibly, with only a minimal amount of struggling, the hero heaved the boulder slowly above her head. Even though the rock was easily ten times her size, she raised it up high above her shoulders, allowing you and the boy to scamper out of the pit. Managing a charming smile despite the tons of weight she was holding, she began, “How are you holding up? Are you injured or––” 
Running. You were running. There was no way you would waste even a second here, and become a victim to that three-headed beast. It sounded like the hero had shouted something as you fled, and were followed by the android boy still in disguise as he called for you to wait up. Climbing, climbing, you took what looked like a thin path on a narrow cliff’s edge until you reached a hollow cavity hidden by shadows and boulders. By then you were out of breath, heaving, the ache in the back of your legs screaming from all that climbing and your lungs burning. 
However, it seemed as if your torment were far from over. As your gaze traveled up, you stilled like a deer in the headlights. There, engraved within the very surface of the rugged stone walls, was a mausoleum that appeared to be left abandoned. Its smooth columns held up ledges, and at the very mouth of the entrance was a throne of pure stone occupied by a stranger. A stranger that looked eerily similar to the android that had been your company. 
A figure who sat looking quite bored upon witnessing a mortal with inhuman strength. There were no words, but just by appearance alone you knew that this was the divine god that ruled the underworld. Fire, blue fire, ran from the top of his head down his spine and over thin shoulders. He was covered from neck to toe, completely in robes of dark blues and dull grays. Long sleeves with meander patterns extended to his wrist, and even his bony fingers were pitch black either due to the fabric of a glove or it was his actual skin, you couldn’t tell. The himation, the cloth that pooled on the floor at his feet, was pinned by a brooch resembling a skull. 
Chilling yellow eyes leered down at you, his blue lips pulled back slightly in a grimace to reveal unnaturally sharp teeth on his pale face. Under his judgemental gaze, you felt like a miserable little roach scuttering about underfoot. “This isn’t a theater, and you’re not Dionysus, tryhard. That was major overkill. You screamed so much I heard you loud and clear from all the way up here, pretty sure all those humans heard you.” 
In the blink of an eye, the android’s disguise was gone and he floated beside you. Placing a gentle but cold metallic hand on your back, he eagerly piped up, “I think they did really good, brother!” Brother? The god, the villain of this story, was his brother? Well certainly the resemblance was there between the god and the being in the role of the imp. “Did you see the look on the hero’s face, Idia? By my estimations, the act fooled all mortal onlookers!” 
Brother. But… that couldn’t be possible. Now that you were high up beside the god, Idia is what your partner in crime had called him, you were no longer so fearful of immediately becoming the hydra’s next meal. That wouldn’t happen, especially when according to the story, the lord of the underworld was the one who controlled the hydra. But now you were currently more concerned and fearful of the literal divine being sitting in front of you. The lord’s brothers were only supposed to be other gods from Mount Olympus, not a being that served him. What else was different about the story? More importantly, what would he do to you once he realized that you did not belong?
“Okay, fine. Stirring performance gets five stars from me. Definitely better than that uber cringe Oedipus play that came out a while back. Ortho, nice, you really played the cute little kid you gotta feel for, and you…” Idia directed his attention to you, and you froze in place under his gaze as he sized you up. “You actually weren’t that annoying this time. So congrats, I guess.” He added dismissively, apparently bored with this prelude as the crowd of humans down below continued to clap for the protagonist that had just saved two souls from the boulders in the gorge. Then, his gaze traveled over to the shadows, on a small cliff where a figure you hadn’t even noticed had been standing in silence. “And can’t forget you. A thumbs-up for the leading guy. Even a girl like her can’t resist you, huh, Meg? Talk about pretty privilege. It must be nice.” 
Startled slightly by the new presence, you glanced over, spotting a slightly familiar face looking over the cliff. It was that man who had been accompanying the protagonist. A fairly handsome looking man with brown wavy hair, in a purple chiton and baggy loose gray pants. Again, there was that modern style mixed with ancient, making you question what time this took place in. But that question was so insignificant compared to the rest of your worries, that it would be pushed to the very back of your mind.
Looking from Meg to Idia, you compare the two faces. The God of the Underworld certainly wasn’t ugly, per say. In fact, he was ethereal in his own unique way. It was more of an acquired taste to appreciate the slight cheekbones, the aquiline nose, and the dim glow his fire blue hair provided in the dark space. He wasn’t exactly the beauty standard that could be compared to a warm summer day, but cold rainy nights could be just as beautiful. 
“What are you staring at? Can you not? Seriously, don’t you know that’s rude?” The god muttered in a near sneer, his gaze unable to meet yours. In fact, he appeared to be looking anywhere but at you. Like he was nervous. But what would a god have to be nervous about? “When I leave home, I’d rather not be gawked at like some freak. I don’t need another reminder.”
Embarrassment caused your heat to creep up your neck and into your cheeks as you lowered your head swiftly in an apologetic nod. With your eyes now glued to the ground, you didn’t lift your head even an inch. It was a mercy that he didn’t appear to be a wrathful god. Cruel, perhaps, but apparently not quick to violence. If he was the hostile type, the last thing you would probably see was his calming blue fire turn an angry red before your body became nothing but ashes in the wind and your soul joining the countless in the river of the dead. In an effort to appease him so he wouldn’t believe you were staring for the wrong reasons, you began hesitantly, in a nervous tone, “I-I’m sorry–– I was staring because, well, you talk as if y-you didn’t have that specific privilege either.” 
Because you kept your head down, you failed to see all three of them, Ortho, Idia, and even Meg whipped his head around to stare with their own forms of shock as you snapped your mouth shut. There was no room to question what was said and done. 
“Not funny, didn’t laugh. I had no idea the role of jester was just taken up. Last I knew, we had that position available. Guess I was wrong.” He replied, unamused, and surprisingly not offended. At least he didn’t seem as if he was about to smite you for offending a god. It was jarring how lax he was, but he spoke with bitter sarcasm which actually hurt. “If I wanted a laugh, I’d probably watch you snivel and cry again, but honestly it’s way more pathetic than funny so there’s really no point in it unless I want to remind myself that there’s someone within a ten foot radius who’s giving me a run for my money in the pity department.” 
“I don’t think any of you are pathetic or pitiful.” Ortho chimed in, throwing in his two cents on the matter. To which the god only glanced at. “Shall I search our records for the soul of a successful jester? I believe we may have a few that once served kings in past centuries?” 
With a wave of his hand, he dismissed the motion while propping up his elbow on the armrest of the stone throne. “Nah, don’t bother, none of them are that funny anyways. It’s not worth the effort of fishing them out of the river of souls. Once we secure our win, then maybe I’ll consider it when Thalia runs out of jokes to tell.” 
Thalia? Wasn’t that the name of one of the muses? Did he plan to use those divine beings as servants once he conquered Mount Olympus? 
“Uh, you can scram now? I know your soul is probably drawn to the company of other mortals like pretty-boy Meg over there and that schlemiel Heraclea.” Idia scoffed, looking a bit bitter. Although, maybe that was his natural expression along with the constant gloom that seemed to permanently linger around the divine being. He rolled his eyes, murmuring the word so it sounded like an insult, “Mortals.” 
“T-Then… I’ll talk to Meg.”
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seresinhangmanjake · 2 months ago
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The One I Want: Part 16
Jake Seresin x plus size!reader
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Summary: You're new in town and some guy named Jake is about to be your roommate. Being skeptical of new people keeps you lonely and uninterested in any entanglements, but Jake is desperate to change that.
Warnings: a little smut
Words: 1500
The One I Want Masterlist / Main Masterlist / Tag List
“I can’t tell you much,” Jake had told you, but you knew that. “We’re not a hundred percent in the clear, but it’s looking like four weeks, maybe five.”
“Beats fifteen,” you’d said, hearing a rewarding chuckle in return. 
You were thankful no one could witness the mess you were at that moment, your face-splitting grin heavily contrasting the puffiness of your eyes from tears. But that was just the beginning of weeks of inner turmoil. 
For forty-eight days, your stomach has swirled a storm that’s consistently had you on the edge of nausea, whether from anxiety regarding his safety or butterflies at the thought of Jake returning. You miss him, more than you thought yourself willing to, and regardless of what he told you, nothing guarantees he will walk through the door of your apartment. And if he doesn’t, you know exactly what will happen to you. You’ll crumble into unsalvageable pieces, and no one—not Millie, not Rooster, not anyone who has been kind to you over the last months—will be able to put you back together. 
And then what? Your only choice will be to leave. Start anew. Twelfth new place. Except this time, you’ll be more numb, less human, less operable on a daily basis. It’ll be like waking from a dream to a gray environment. You fear nature will lose its color, and you will lose your light once again.
It’s another week before your phone rings with a name other than Millie’s plastered across the screen. Unknown Number, but the first three digits are recognizable, matching those of the number Jake has been using to call you with. What you hear on the other end of the line, however, is not Jake, but instead, a gruff voice asking you to confirm your identity. 
“Yes,” you answer. “That’s me.”
The man clears his throat. “You are the emergency contact for Lieutenant Jake Seresin. We’d like you to come down to our medical facility as soon as possible,” he says before providing you directions.
You drop your phone, and then you’re running. Running to his truck, running from his truck to base, running through halls until you find someone willing to lead you to him. You’re so terrified, your arms jittery, legs barely functioning from the panic of Jake’s pending fate, so overwhelmed by nerves that when you finally do see him, it pisses you off. 
That man with the voice that imbued you with dread is on your shit list for life. Maybe next time, he could lead an emergency contact call with He’s fine or Don’t worry, because his implication was severe enough that you feared lost limbs or damaged brain functioning. But there Jake is, not in a coma or with some life-threatening injury, but sitting on the edge of a bed in a room with his back to you as a nurse seals a strip of medical tape across a small patch of shaved hair on the side of his head.  
When she’s done with her work, she smiles at Jake and nods at something he says before walking out of the room. She jumps at the unexpected figure lingering just outside the door, and then realization dawns. 
“Oh, you must be the girlfriend,” she says. “You’re welcome to go on in.”
So you do, cautiously easing into the room, hoping that when he turns, his face won’t be covered in slashes and bruises—a sight you’re not sure you can handle with strength and maturity. You’d love him all the same, but to see him in such pain would take you to your knees. But again, he’s fine. Beautiful as ever. Not a mark on him that you can see save for the one on the mend. 
Jake’s face brightens at the sight of you; he practically glows, and you’re shocked to discover yourself not running into his arms. You’re frozen for a moment as you take him in. It’s a quick moment—a brief second to recover—but then you’re stepping to him, your eyes watering, your bottom lip quivering, your fingers reaching up to brush over the stark white tape. You’re careful with your feathery touch, relieved to see that his injury is not so sensitive as to make him wince.
Jake’s arms wrap around your waist. His eyes do not break from your face. He’s patient as you scan him once more for visible injuries, verifying for your own sake.
“It’s just the one,” he tells you, his voice soft and only a few notes above a whisper. Your eyes snap to his. He lifts his hand to cup your cheek, thumb stroking your cheekbone. “Come here, beautiful.”
You melt when his lips gently touch yours, but the kiss doesn’t last long as innocent. There’s bites and sucking and giving and taking, and it’s perfect in its semi-sloppy neediness. Voices passing by the door is what breaks the two of you apart. Jake lightly groans before he chuckles and rests his forehead against yours. 
“I missed you,” he says. He places another quick peck on your lips. “I want to take you home.”
“Then take me home.”
“J-Jake!”
You feel his mouth curve against your core before he licks another stripe right through you, tongue like a heated blade slicing you in two halves, spreading you open and baring you inside and out. You’re completely gone—lost in the sole way you’re willing to be lost—as Jake tethers you to this earth. He’s the only one you trust to ground you while simultaneously letting your head float amongst the clouds. 
His arms curl around the thickness of your thighs, locking onto you and keeping your hips steady atop the mattress as he devours and tastes and sucks and licks some more.  
“Come on, beautiful,” he mumbles into your folds, just loud enough for you to hear through the rush of blood in your ears. “Let me have it.”
As if you could hold it back. 
Your whole body jerks and writhes as you sink into pleasure, back arching, head digging into the pillow. Jake reaches a hand up to intertwine your fingers and you squeeze them tightly while he continues to kiss folds and brush his nose against the overstimulated bud.
“There we go,” he coos until your body calms.
Jake crawls onto the bed, lips and tongue traveling up the soft flesh of your stomach, between the valley of your breasts, into the dip in your throat before he kisses you, demanding you taste everything you just gave him. 
Jake introduced you to your taste during those weeks before his deployment. His head lived between your legs. He showed you how to perch perfectly on his face, encouraging you through your concerns of suffocating him. He begged you to relax when he backed you up against the wall, slipped your pants off, knelt, and tossed your leg over his shoulder as he dove in. And after each success of making you crumble to pieces, he sealed his lips to yours and pushed his tongue into your mouth. 
You know your taste as well as you know his, and on the occasions he spills down your throat before he returns the favor, you get the satisfaction of the combination on your tongue—a mixture more intoxicating than an alcoholic binge. 
“I’m never going to want anything like I want you,” he says after he slips inside of you, the intensity of the love in his eyes penetrating your soul.
“Then it's good that I’m yours,” you whisper back.
Thrusts that were paced and steady and gentle falter. With your words comes a sharp rut of his hips—unexpected to you both—that hits hard, deep. Jake chokes on the air in his lungs, his eyes snapping shut as you cry out. 
“Fuck” hisses through the grit of his teeth. Then he finds his pace again. 
His head falls to your neck. Nibbles make you gasp, and the image of examining claiming bruises in the mirror first thing come morning causes your walls to clench around the veiny column moving in and out of you. Your fingers fist into his hair. Nails dig into the toned muscle of his ass. 
“I do love you, Jake,” you say. 
He stops completely, but you don’t question it. The fingers in his hair loosen and you lightly scrape your nails along his scalp, down to the base of his neck, then back up into blond locks. Turning your head, you stamp a tender kiss onto his temple. 
Jake doesn’t say a thing. He doesn’t look at you. His thick breaths burn the delicate skin just under your ear. When he begins to move, he’s slow, taking his time before he picks up, working to nudge that special spot inside of you that tightens a white-hot coil in your belly. 
“I love you so much, beautiful,” he whispers.
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nerdallwritey · 1 month ago
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Worth the Peril
Summary: In another life, Astarion would have made a decent barbarian. Despite Karlach’s cheerful demeanor, for the most part, barbarians were known to be violent, brutal, and cruel. All things that Astarion could easily tap into if the situation called for it. And right now, he was entering a rage. OR Upon arriving in the Underdark, you go down in a battle, leaving Astarion to pick up the pieces.
Pairing: Astarion x f!reader Rating: 18+ (no smut) Word count: 15.1k CW: reader gets hurt - violence, severe injury, blood, descriptions of wound, depictions of pain, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, protective Astarion, blind with rage Astarion, soft Astarion, reader is an idiot (and a bard), so is Astarion (not a bard, just an idiot), everyone else sees what Astarion can't Spoilers: Minor spoilers for Act 1 (in-game dialogue, plot points, etc.) Also posted to: AO3 FAIR WARNING: This is PART 5 in my series, "Beauty and the Bard." Find the masterlist here.
a/n: SHE'S HERE!! I am SO excited to be finally be posting the newest chapter of Beauty and the Bard! Thank you so much for your patience as I was sorting this one out. I've always been a huge fan of the hurt/comfort trope and the "Person A gets hurt and Person B loses it" trope, so this is my take on both of those tropes in one! Did I fudge the numbers of the Duergar fight in the Underdark from Act One? Yes. Did I fudge the numbers in terms of injury severity and what's actually possible through magical healing? Also yes! But in a world where a skeleton will bring you back from the dead for $200, OR, simply sleeping a full eight hours will heal you completely, I think I was able to make it make sense. Hopefully. Apologies to anyone working in the medical field who knows I'm a sham. But this is a series about smooching a vampire, so we gotta suspend our disbelief somewhere! There's no smut in this chapter, and for that, I apologize, but it'll make sense why it doesn't. If it helps, my beta says that this is her favorite chapter to date! Woo! Please enjoy. (Thank you to my beta @kermitwazowski for reading! - Also! She just got married! And a tiktok from it went viral! We love her, she's the best.) As a reminder, last time, you and Astarion had a little romp in the river while watching the sunrise.
Taglist: Moved to the comment section, since tumblr hates sharing fun with friends - please let me know if you'd like to be added to the list!
Barring a few dirty looks from Shadowheart and Lae’zel, your return to camp with Astarion - both of you now vaguely damp - was largely ignored in favor of packing up camp in preparation for venturing into the Underdark. So long as you were both there to help with the pack up efforts, it didn’t really matter where the two of you had spent your morning. 
Astarion squeezed your hand fondly before sauntering over to his tent to loiter and drag his feet until the camp was mostly all packed away. You knew his game; look busy without actually lifting a finger until it was absolutely necessary. You rolled your eyes before bending to gather and organize the loot in your tent. He was so annoying.
Gods, you hated him.
And you loved him.
Why, of all people, did you have to fall in love with the emotionally stunted, incredibly dramatic, freak weirdo vampire? Wyll was perfectly nice! Shadowheart had a good head on her shoulders! And yet…
Your eyes flicked over to his tent momentarily. 
He wasn’t even trying. He was fully looking at his nails. He looked up briefly and met your eye. He smirked before moving his hand to wave at you delicately with his fingertips. 
“Pack,” you called to him from across camp.
“What?” He cupped a hand to his ear as if he couldn’t hear you from the relatively short distance away. “You’ll have to speak up, darling! Or, better yet-”
He left his tent and made his way over to yours.
“Oooh, no,” you scolded and pointed towards his tent. “Get back over there and pack, you jackass.”
“Ouch, love,” Astarion squatted beside you. He looked around your tent at the trinkets you’d accumulated and picked one up, rotating it in his hands. A tiny statue of a mermaid, her face sculpted in midsong. “Heavy little bugger,” he said, testing its weight in his hands.
“It’s made of iron, I think,” you said. 
“And you’re going to make us lug it into the Underdark? Rather selfish of you, don’t you think?”
You snatched the figure out of his hands. “Can I help you with something, Astarion?”
He spread out his legs and leaned back against a chest you kept close-by. “Not particularly.” He rested his arms behind his head, very clearly trying to flex his arms to keep your attention on him.
You laughed and pushed him, making him fall sideways. “Stop trying to distract me and go pack your own stuff up. I will not help you when you’re inevitably scrambling later.”
“Yes, you will,” he said, using your shoulder to help himself stand up. He squeezed it once before heading back in the direction of his tent. 
“No, I won’t!” you called after him, but he turned and cupped his hand to his ear again, pretending he couldn’t hear you. You groaned loudly and continued packing. 
“Hate to say it, Soldier,” said Karlach, whose tent was set up between yours and Astarion’s, “but you probably will help him.”
You sighed heavily. “I know.”
~~~~~
It hadn’t been as bad as you thought.
You’d had the foresight to keep your belongings relatively close together, making use of the traveler’s chest you all shared. Once you’d gathered all your possessions and dismantled your tent, you placed everything you couldn’t carry on your person into the chest. Karlach had helped Halsin lift the trunk, full to the brim with everyone’s overflow, into an ox wagon that you all planned on taking with you to the ruined goblin camp and down into the Underdark below. Even Astarion had managed to gather most of his things before inevitably earning your help with a bat of his eyes.
It had taken maybe two hours total, but looking around the area that you had called home for the last few weeks, it was as if your party had never been there to begin with. It was a little sad to be leaving, but you were pleased with the progress you all had made and were ready to keep moving forward in order to get these damn worms out of your skulls.
The trek into the Underdark, meanwhile, was long and frustrating; Gale had to cast Feather Fall on half of your team, the ox cart, and Scratch and the Owlbear cub, while the other half of you used the deceptively long ladder down into the abandoned Selunite outpost below - much to Shadowheart’s dismay. 
Much to Astarion’s dismay, you’d actually stumbled upon a colony of Miconids after bumbling through a battle with a pair of minotaurs and looking for a place to rest. It was there that you spoke with the head of their colony, Sovereign Spaw, about eliminating a clan of Duergar dwarves threatening their population.
Which was how you now found yourself smugly walking beside Astarion as Gale and Shadowheart led the way towards the supposed Duergar hideout. The rest of your party had (begrudgingly, in the case of Lae’zel) agreed to help Halsin set up camp close to the Miconids and their beautiful glowing mushrooms, and had stayed behind.
“You must wipe that stupid expression off your face, darling,” Astarion rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Otherwise you might get stuck like that.”
“I told you they were real.” You waggled your eyebrows in victory.
“And their music was far less irritating than yours,” he teased. “So I suppose that was nice.”
“Bastard,” you muttered. “I’d love to play something with them when we get back.”
“You would.”
“Ass hat.”
“Loud mouth.”
“Would you two shut it?” Gale turned and quietly shouted. “We’re swiftly approaching the Duergar clan, according to Sovereign Spaw’s directions.”
“I still think we should have rested for the evening,” Astarion complained. “A specimen such as myself requires copious amounts of beauty sleep.”
You withheld a yawn, willing the vampire not to see it. You were still tired from your lack of sleep this morning, and your romp in the river. Not to mention the hike to get down here, and the minotaurs you’d already faced. You were able to get a short rest in at the colony, but you were definitely feeling it, and you didn’t want to worry your teammates. Plus you knew Astarion would never let you hear the end of it, given his protests about it earlier today.
“Enough, Astarion,” Shadowheart groaned. “You heard Spaw; the Duergar are a looming threat to their colony. We couldn’t risk a possible ambush in the night. Especially with all the refugees seeking shelter there.”
Astarion sighed. “And, I suppose I must admit, I like the sovereign’s approach. A little genocidal, but effective.”
“Yes, great, you’ll get your fill of blood, now would you hush!” Gale halted, causing the rest of you to stop, too. “Something’s wrong.”
You surveyed your surroundings. Wooden structures stood decaying all around, from bridges, to long forgotten buildings, and nets once used for ladders. It had probably been home to a village of people at one time.
“Looks abandoned,” you supplied.
Off in the distance you could make out a lake through some fog. Boats rocked gently against a worn looking dock, illuminated by purple crystals that populated the area. That must be the lake that Spaw had described. But wait… were those-? Lit torches?
You were about to take a step forward to investigate further, but Astarion held out an arm to block you. 
“I smell a trap,” he warned.
Suddenly an arrow shot past your ear and landed in a wooden post behind you.
“That’s quite a sense of smell you have,” Gale quipped, prepping a spell in his hands. “Think you could sniff out where that arrow came from?”
Your eyes frantically searched the area but couldn’t make anything out. 
“Duck!” Shadowheart shouted, as a flaming arrow seemed to appear out of thin air and hurdle towards your party. 
You hit the deck, lifting your head ever so slightly in the direction where the arrow came flying from. A figure appeared out of nowhere as you watched, taking a step to the side to hide behind a wall. That explained it.
“Our attackers are using an Invisibility spell,” you said quietly. “If we can get them to attack us, we can break the spell and see them clearly before they have the chance to cast it again.”
“Sounds fairly dangerous,” Gale muttered, holding a hand to his chin in thought.
“Do you have any better ideas?” Shadowheart whispered, pulling her shield and morning star off of her back. 
“Not really,” Gale said after thinking for a moment. 
Astarion, meanwhile, had already unsheathed his daggers. “Let’s spill some blood.” A wicked grin graced his features. 
“Let’s think about this for a second,” you said, holding out an arm to block him from getting up and feeling him deflate. You peered around the large rock that you and your companions had ducked behind. Platforms were littered throughout the decrepit village, perfect for you all to spread out. Quietly, you removed your lute and your backpack. 
“Now’s not really the time to serenade us with a sappy love song, dearest,” Astarion said, his eyes on your loose lute that he’d recently gifted you. 
“Shut up, and take this,” you said, handing him a scroll of Misty Step that you pulled out of your bag. You handed one to Shadowheart as well. “Gale, how are you doing on magic?”
Gale flexed his hands, the purple of the Weave sparking at his fingertips. “Good enough to take out a few dwarves, I’d say. But I have my crossbow if necessary.”
You nodded and turned to Shadowheart. “You?”
She nodded back at you. “I should have enough for some healing if anyone needs it, but I’ll stick to cantrips if I can.”
You nodded again, thinking deeply. “Okay, our magic is running kind of low, so we have to be smart about this.”
Astarion cleared his throat. “Aren’t you going to ask me about my magic, darling?”
Shadowheart laughed humorlessly. “Oh, please. As if you won’t rely entirely on those knives of yours.”
He scoffed. “I’ll have you know, I’m also very skilled with a bow.”
You sighed. “I’m sorry we couldn’t rest more before we had to do this.”
“The life of a hero is not an easy one,” Gale pointed out. “One cannot always put their feet up by the hearth when lives are at stake.”
“Speak for yourself,” Astarion rolled his eyes. 
“What’s the plan?” Shadowheart asked you. “We might want to hurry, given they know our location and we don’t know theirs.”
“I was thinking we all cast Misty Step,” you turned back around to look over the boulder and pointed to the various empty structures, “and land on those platforms.”
“Ah, the high ground! Very logical,” Gale nodded in approval.
“But do we want to be out in the open? They’ll shoot at us and we won’t have any cover.” Shadowheart raised a good point.
“I’ll cause a distraction,” you said, “no worries.”
Astarion clicked his tongue. “I hate the sound of that.”
“What do you mean?! I’m great at distractions!”
Rather than responding, Astarion hummed skeptically. Then he leaned forward to kiss you sweetly. “I’m going to go kill some dwarves now.” Then, he unfurled the scroll, recited “inveniam viam,” and you watched as he disappeared and reappeared on a platform hidden in darkness. You lost sight of him as he vanished into the shadows and turned back to face Gale and Shadowheart.
“Be smart with your magic, and be safe.” Both of them nodded wordlessly at you and prepared to cast Misty Step. You picked up your lute and stood up straight. “See you on the other side,” you winked and started descending down a hill towards your hidden enemies. 
Strumming a quiet tune, you created a Minor Illusion around yourself to look like a traveling musician, rather than an armored spellcaster. You slung your lute back around onto your back. 
“Sorry!” you called, holding your hands up above your head as if in surrender. You spotted an armored dwarf on a wooden walkway up ahead, currently visible, and walked towards him. “So sorry!”
“What?” The dwarf looked surprised by your unarmed approach. “Gehk! Got someone sneaking up on us!”
“No!” you assured. “My band mates and I,” you pointed your thumb over your shoulder towards the area where you’d been spotted with your companions, “we got a little turned around. See, we thought there might be a secluded place down here to practice for our upcoming gig, and well, we didn’t know you were already here, and-”
“Too loud, sun-scum,” came a voice from above you. You looked up to see another Duergar on a platform overhead. He wore an amulet of the Absolute and had a large battle axe strapped to his back. “Could hear you and your mates stumbling. Can hear you blinking.” 
“That seems unlikely,” you muttered. Your eyes wandered around, pretending to look for more dwarves in the area, but really checking to make sure your companions were in position. 
“Noise gets you eaten down here,” the dwarf with the amulet went on. “Reckon I’ll hush you before something hungry comes along.” 
“You’d hurt an unarmed musician?” You held your hands up higher.
The dwarf above you barked out a laugh. “Nice try, bard.” He spat the word. “Saw you lot from a mile away. Your little disguise is pitiful.”
Something seemed off. You felt a chill run down your spine as something brushed against you. The illusion of your plain clothes fell away, revealing your armor. You had a feeling your invisible foes had you surrounded. 
“Now,” said the dwarf, “where are your little friends hiding?”
You laughed. “I was just going to ask! Why would you all surround me when my little friends are over there?” You nodded your head towards one of the platforms.
The dwarf’s eyes widened as he spotted Shadowheart, whose hands were poised with a Firebolt spell. “They’re up there!” Before the dwarf could point, an arrow pierced through his shoulder from behind, knocking him forward off the platform. You sidestepped his falling body and made eye contact with Astarion who smirked down at you. 
“Attack!” The first dwarf you spoke to shouted, and all hell broke loose. 
Light surrounded you as Shadowheart cast Bless, and you were able to out-maneuver the dwarf who’d yelled as the light momentarily blinded him. Arrows flew towards Astarion, who’d been the first to shoot, and with those arrows, multiple dwarves’ Invisibility spells broke. Astarion was able to easily dodge and avoid the onslaught of attacks, thanks to the advantage of being on higher ground. You grabbed your lute and cast Shatter, causing the dwarves around you to fly backwards in a wave of thunder. Gale launched fiery arrows at your foes, and Shadowheart summoned a Spiritual Weapon to fight for you all on the ground below.
“You’re here because of those rotflowers, aren’t you?” The dwarf with the Absolute pendant got to his feet and pulled the arrow out of his shoulder. “You reek of justice and good deeds.”
“Funny,” you said, using the pommel of your rapier to push a now visible dwarf off the platform you were on, “and I just took a bath this morning.”
“Would you classify that as a bath?” Astarion called down to you, mischief in his eyes.
You smiled, but could already feel yourself starting to lose steam, even though the battle had just started. Still, you pressed on and cast another Shatter, scattering your enemies further and buying you some time to catch your breath. “And what would you classify it as?”
“I can think of many things, but we’re in such polite company, I shan’t say.” He shot a flaming arrow down onto the beach and hit multiple dwarves at once in the explosion. 
“I don’t like whatever’s happening here,” the dwarf with the Absolute amulet said. “But I’ll make you pay for siding with those mushroom abominations.” The dwarf raised his hands and uttered a spell you didn't recognize, but a cacophony of noise from below caught your attention. The lapse in focus cost you, as one of the dwarves you’d been fending off pushed you off the platform.
You heard your companions yell your name as you landed hard in the sand below. It took you a second to regain your bearings before you realized what the sound had been. Fallen Duergar were now rising, life not returning to their eyes, but risen all the same.
Animate Dead. 
You’d heard of this spell; had seen it in action with Mayrina’s husband, Connor. But you had yet to see it used in battle. 
Now you were surrounded by undead dwarves, hell bent on tearing you apart. 
“Hi,” was all you could manage through the spinning of your head. You blinked a few times before blocking the heavy strike of an axe with your slim rapier. When it was clear that the axe was going to prevail, you rolled out of the way and the axe connected with the sand that had been beneath your head. 
“Are you alright?” Shadowheart called after hitting you with a Healing Word. 
You squared your shoulders and entered into a fighting stance. “Better now, thanks!” While it was true, you were still exhausted and could feel your magic actively getting weaker. You’d have to remind yourself to get a sturdier sword after this battle. You heard a clang as Shadowheart’s Spiritual Weapon was destroyed by a few zombies that now turned their attention on you.
“Hardly the place, darling,” Astarion called, downing one of the zombies in front of you with an arrow of ice. “Dying down here? Embarrassing.”
“Stop talking and help her kill the bloody things!” Gale yelled, still slinging spells and arrows at the dwarves from up on the platforms. 
The undead kept rushing at you, and you were able to keep them at bay with brandishes of your rapier and weaker casts of Thunderwave, but it was getting harder and harder to fight back. Meanwhile, living dwarves had made it to the other platforms and started climbing up to your companions. Astarion’s help began to dwindle as his attention was split between you and the dwarves he had to face head on with his daggers. You could hear less and less of Gale’s magic as he opted fully for his crossbow, especially now with dwarves attempting to climb up to him. Shadowheart was facing the same obstacles, instead swinging her morningstar and shoving her shield to throw dwarves from the platform. 
“Guys,” you said, not as loudly as you would have hoped. There was too much going on. Even if you did manage to raise your voice, it would be hard to hear you over the sounds of fire arrows and spells. 
“Guys,” you tried again but to no avail. You cast a small Cure Wounds on yourself, but instantly regretted it. You could have saved that spell for an offensive attack, and now you felt yourself completely depleted of magic, despite trying your best to use it sparingly. Which was difficult when you were surrounded by enemies and your companions were occupied with their own battles. You were just one person. This was too much.
The undead dwarves still standing were backing you up against a cluster of boulders in the center of the beach. 
This was okay. You were fine! You’d been in tough spots before and you and your team had always come out on top. You could do this. Undead dwarves? Pah! What kind of lethal damage could someone with dead muscle inflict, right? Sure, Astarion was undead and he was a vicious killer, but that was Astarion, and these dwarves had just been resurrected. They were just getting their sea legs! Life…. legs? It didn’t matter. They probably couldn’t even think for themselves. You could handle this.
With a boost of confidence from your mental pep talk, you surged forward, away from the center of the beach, and stabbed a zombie through the chest. The visceral sound of metal entering flesh was loud and oddly satisfying.
“Ah ha!” you shouted as the zombie slumped to the ground. 
But the stab had been louder than your slim blade should have been able to muster. You pulled the blade out of the slumped zombie to inspect, but upon looking down, you saw silver glinting with red through your midsection. 
Another zombie had come up behind you and cleaved you with his axe. The head of it peaked out through your stomach.
You heard your name roared from somewhere up above.
The metallic taste of your own blood rushed into your mouth as your vision started to blur. You fell to your knees.
“Guys,” you said one more time.
Then everything went black.
~~~~~
In another life, Astarion would have made a decent barbarian. 
Despite Karlach’s cheerful demeanor, for the most part, barbarians were known to be violent, brutal, and cruel. All things that Astarion could easily tap into if the situation called for it.
And right now, he was entering a rage.
Red. 
That was all he saw. 
Red, and the corpses of the dwarves who dared cross his path on his way down to you.
He hadn’t witnessed it.
Had been too caught up in his own hacking and slashing to see the moment when the axe had made its way through your torso. But he had smelled it. Instantly, he had recognized the sweet notes of your blood entering the air. That’s when he’d looked down and saw the state of you. He’d screamed your name, far louder than any of the magic and explosions that were still triggering in the fight. 
Shadowheart and Gale’s heads snapped down to look at you, terror in their eyes. And yet they still had to fight. The zombies surrounding your unconscious form began to move away from you and up towards them instead. 
Astarion downed dwarves left and right, going overboard in his violence on the warpath to get you into his arms. 
“Shadowheart!” he yelled, as if she wasn’t already aware of the situation.
“I know!” she shouted back. “I can try a Healing Word but my magic’s nearly spent!”
“Do it! NOW!” Astarion bellowed as he sliced through the abdomen of a dwarf preparing to fire a spell. He heard a chant of “te curo,” followed by the aqua magic that usually came with a healing spell, but you remained motionless in the sand. 
“The wound is too deep and my magic isn’t strong enough!” Shadowheart slung her morning star into the head of a Duergar that had successfully climbed up to her platform. 
Gale looked over to Shadowheart and the two shared a brief, silent conversation before Gale nodded and Misty Stepped down to you.
“Don’t you touch her, wizard!” Astarion yelled as he fought his way through what once must have been a house of some kind. “Unless you can bring her back up!” His daggers stabbed through the Duergar with the Absolute amulet; the one who’d raised those dead in the first place. Astarion made sure his death was extra painful with each twist of his knives.
“Be reasonable, Astarion!” Gale yelled back and shot an arrow at one of the zombies still slinking across the beach. He bent and attempted to get you to swallow some healing potion. You’d already lost a lot of blood.
“She’d DYING!” Astarion bellowed before jumping down, out of the house, and down onto the beach. He made a sound of pain as he landed, but stumbled as quickly as he could over to you on his hands and knees. 
Before he reached you, however, he spotted an unarmed zombie halfway up a ladder. That must have been the vile creature whose blade was still lodged in you. He made a beeline for the abomination and pulled it down with enough force to rip the rope that made up the ladder it was climbing. His blades were entering the zombie repeatedly before he even realized he’d pinned it to the ground. It stopped moving fairly soon after its first stab wound, but Astarion wouldn’t let up.
“It’s dead, Astarion!” Gale said, trying to bring him back to reality. “Truly dead!”
Astarion finally stopped and breathed heavily. He abandoned the corpse and made his way over to you, sinking to his knees.
“You’re okay,” he cooed. “Help is here.” He gently pulled you into his lap, careful not to touch the axe head. “I’ve got you.”
“She’s still alive,” Gale confirmed. “I gave her some healing potion and checked her pulse.”
Astarion wasn’t listening. He rocked back and forth, wiping matted hair out of your face. “Darling,” he said quietly, “you’re too pretty to die. And look at all the precious blood you’ve wasted.” You shifted a little and he paused. 
Your eyes opened briefly. When you realized it was Astarion looking down at you, you smiled. 
“Hi,” you said weakly.
Astarion laughed, but it was a choked, mangled thing. “Hello, my love.”
“That hurt,” you said, smiling blearily until your eyes closed again. He brought his forehead lightly to yours.
Gale touched his shoulder. “Take her to Halsin. He’ll be able to help more than any of us at the moment.”
Astarion wanted to argue, but knew that Gale was probably right. Annoying bastard. 
“Help me, would you?” He made to stand up and Gale moved to help guide you gently into Astrion’s arms as he stood. The axe rested uncomfortably between the two of you, but Astarion knew better than to try and pull it out without the proper healing implements nearby to stop the bleeding. 
“We’ll be fine here,” Gale said, shooting another arrow at a dwarf on his way to Shadowheart. “You cleared most of the sorry mongrels just now, anyway.”
“I don’t recall asking,” Astarion snapped, readjusting how he was holding you. 
“Only trying to help,” Gale said sharply. “None of us want to see her suffer.”
Astarion sighed. “I know,” he admitted.
Gale placed a hand on his shoulder again. “Proprae,” he said, and warm magic surrounded Astarion. “Longstrider,” Gale explained. “It’ll get you to Halsin faster. Now go.”
Astarion nodded and took off back towards the Myconid colony.
“You just had to play hero, didn’t you?” He didn’t look down at you as he sidestepped purple crystals and wayward wooden planks. “Couldn’t stay back for once and let someone else handle it.”
You coughed a little and peered up at him. “I do it for the glory,” you wheezed with a joking smile.
Astarion’s eyes flicked to you for a second. “There are better ways to get attention, darling.” He smiled despite himself. “Now stop talking, please. Save that strength.”
Rather than argue further, you closed your eyes again and nuzzled your face into his neck. You were so tired. And cold. Numbness had overtaken your body except for a dull ache in your midsection. You didn’t even realize when you slipped away again.
Astarion felt you go slightly more limp and swore, dodging exploding mushrooms and trying to remember the way back to the Myconids. 
“Don’t you dare leave me,” he growled. “Not now. Not you.” He refused to shed a tear. You’d be okay, and then he’d have words with you about your pesky bleeding heart. 
Speaking of bleeding, he didn’t like how easily he could smell your blood. Usually he’d be thrilled to be surrounded by such an intoxicating aroma, but right now it was making him sick to his stomach. 
“Do you know how selfish you are?” he asked, knowing you wouldn’t respond. “Wasting all this blood. Some of us need a proper meal.”
He hated your silence. Hated that you weren’t strong enough to tell him he could feed from you if he wanted because of course you would. Or maybe you’d come up with some sort of jab about him being selfish for thinking about food at a time like this. He missed your voice.
“How dare you scare me like this, you stubborn clod.” 
In the distance, he saw the glowing mushrooms of the colony. He ducked his head and willed himself to run even faster. 
“Where are they?!” Astarion shouted to a mushroom sentry at the entrance. The Myconid remained stoic, but flashed a somber song through Astarion’s mind. “Not helpful!” he shouted as he ran up the steps.
There! That halfling woman who’d asked you all to find her bumbling husband.
“You!” he yelled, his eyes wild. “The group I was traveling with! Where did they go?!”
The halfling woman fumbled for words, shocked at the bloody sight of you before her.
“Tell me!” he exclaimed.
“I believe they found a clearing not far off. The druid came by earlier to swap herbs.”
Astarion didn’t respond before booking it again, the Myconids singing a mournful ballad to him as he passed them. 
“HALSIN!” he screamed when he left through the other entrance of the colony. “WYLL! KARLACH! LAE’ZEL! YOU BLASTED WHELPS, WHERE ARE YOU?!” He kept running, following along a path of glowing mushrooms.
“Astarion?” It was Wyll.
“WHERE ARE YOU?!” Astarion repeated, recalibrating to run towards the sound of his voice.
“OVER HERE!” Karlach shouted, and Astarion saw Scratch appear from around a corner a short distance away, followed closely by Karlach. Wyll and Lae’zel caught up behind them.
“Dear gods,” Wyll murmured before running into camp and creating a space for you. 
“I’ll get Halsin!” Karlach turned and ran.
“Kaincha,” Lae’zel breathed as Astarion passed her.
“Lay her here,” Wyll said, having prepped a bedroll next to the fire.
“Like hells is she going on the bloody ground,” Astarion hissed, looking around for something more comfortable. “Grab my pillows,” he nodded from Wyll to the ox cart. 
Wyll nodded and ran to the cart before coming back and beginning to fashion a makeshift mattress. 
Lae’zel looked around for Gale and Shadowheart. “Where are the others?”
“Damned Duergars. They’re in a rotting village by the lake southwest of here.”
“I shall avenge our fallen,” she nodded before running to her tent, grabbing her greatsword and taking off in the direction Astarion had come in from. 
“She’s not dead yet,” Astarion muttered as Halsin and Karlach entered the space frantically. “There you are!” He addressed Halsin icily. He had yet to put you down. 
Halsin ignored Astarion in favor of approaching you and assessing the damage. He held multiple bowls and jars of unknown substances, and his face gave nothing away. “Bring her this way,” he said, motioning for Astarion to follow him. Halsin led him to a giant mushroom cap. “Lay her down here.” He set down the materials he was holding nearby.
“On a damn mushroom? You must be joking.” Astarion held you tighter.
“Astarion,” Halsin said gently, “I’m going to help her. You have to trust me.”
Astarion narrowed his eyes and reassessed the mushroom. It did look soft, and big enough for your whole body to spread out on. He looked at Halsin again who remained calm and collected. Astarion nodded.
Halsin nodded back and helped him untangle you from his arms. “We’re going to lay her on her side,” he instructed, and Astarion did his best to roll you gently onto the mushroom cap. 
“How can we help?” Wyll asked, making Astarion jump. He’d forgotten about anyone outside of his current line of sight. 
“Fetch my pack, if you would, Wyll,” Halsin said. 
Wyll nodded and ran towards Halsin’s tent on the other side of camp. 
“And me?” Karlach asked. 
“Can you heat up some water?”
“You got it,” she said before rushing to grab a bucket.
Halsin held out his hand, golden magic emitting from his palm. He closed his eyes and hovered his hand up and down your body.
“Well?” Astarion asked impatiently. 
Halsin opened his eyes and Astarion caught a flash of panic in them.
No.
“We need to get this axe out as soon as possible,” Halsin explained. “She’s going to lose more blood, but you were right to leave it in on the battlefield.”
It was then that Wyll came back, lugging Halsin’s backpack, along with other supplies he deemed might be useful.
“So get it out and heal her!” Astarion exclaimed.
“I’ll do my best, Astarion, but you’ll have to be patient.” 
“Where’s Withers?” Astarion looked around but caught no glimpse of the skeleton.
“He said he’d find us once we’re settled,” Wyll reminded him kindly. 
“If we lose her and he can’t bring her back, I’m ending him.” Astarion knew how unlikely it was that he’d be able to kill someone who brought people back from the dead for a living (why Withers needed a living in the first place was still a mystery), but he needed someone to threaten. He was terrified. 
“Astarion,” Halsin said, “I’ll need you to help me remove her clothes. Wyll, can you prepare some bandages?”
Wyll nodded and began to gather materials from Halsin’s bag. 
Astarion hesitated before unsheathing his daggers to help cut the leather armor off of your body. Halsin helped maneuver your limbs out of it until you were left in what once was a white shirt, now a deep red around your midsection.
“Her shirt as well,” Halsin said. “Your skill with a knife is far more refined than mine.”
Astarion frowned, knowing you’d probably hate being shirtless in front of everyone, but shook off the thought in favor of helping Halsin heal you. He quickly and carefully cut your shirt away from your body, depositing it on another mushroom nearby, and leaving you in nothing but your undergarments. The gash in your back was brutal, and rather than stare at it, Astarion took your hand. It was growing cold, but he could sense your blood still pumping beneath your skin. 
“She’s so weak,” he murmured. 
“She’s a fighter,” Halsin put a hand on Astarion’s shoulder before moving to mix some sort of elixir he had in one of the bowls he’d brought over. “My magic isn’t strong enough to heal her all by itself, not completely, but Oak Father willing, she’ll make it through this.”
“She better,” Astarion growled, still holding your hand, squeezing it harder than he knew he should. 
Halsin smiled faintly, then moved around to your head. He tipped your head back and made you swallow the contents of the bowl he’d just been mixing.
“And what-”
“That should keep her from waking up right away.” Halsin came back to stand behind you and examined the state of the axe.
“So, she won’t feel any pain?” Astarion asked.
“She shouldn’t.”
“Okay,” was all Astarion could manage to say, hoping that was enough to convey his gratitude to the druid.
Halsin nodded and motioned for Astarion to hold you in place. “Wyll, can you help with this?”
“Of course,” Wyll moved around the mushroom to hold you from the other side. 
“I’m going to remove the axe,” Halsin said. “She’s going to bleed more, but I should be able to stop it with what I’ve brought with me.”
“Enough talking,” Astarion held you tight. “Get to the healing part already!”
Halsin frowned, but nodded. “Steady now,” he said, placing his hands on the wooden handle of the axe. “Ready?”
“Yes!” Astarion snapped.
Halsin let out a calming breath before pulling on the axe. Everyone held their breath to make sure you didn’t cry out in pain. When you didn’t, Halsin continued, taking the blade out in one smooth motion. 
As he’d said, you began bleeding more profusely and Astarion let out a pathetic whining sound. Halsin immediately held out his hands, aqua healing magic surrounding you from both sides. Astarion couldn’t look away as your skin knit itself back together, a clear scar forming in its wake.
The aqua magic faded and Halsin instantly dipped his hand in some sort of salve and began rubbing it along your back. 
“Wyll,” Halsin said, handing him a bowl with an identical salve. “Please cover the wound on her stomach with this.”
“I’ll do it,” Astarion said, moving around the mushroom to your front. Wyll handed him the salve and he went to work spreading a generous amount along your stomach. 
“Sorry,” said Karlach, running up with a steaming bucket of water. “I was looking for where we packed all our towels.” She held up a few. “I found them.” 
“Thank you, Karlach,” Halsin said. “We can start cleaning the area around her wounds.”
Karlach bounced on her feet. “Um… I’ll incinerate her if I try to help with that.”
“I know what you can do,” Astarion said flatly, focusing deeply on globbing enough salve onto your stomach. He lifted his head and nodded towards the axe on the ground behind Halsin. “You can destroy that wretched blade.”
Karlach smiled and cracked her knuckles. “I’ll make it wish it was never fucking born.”
“Blades aren’t born, Karlach,” Wyll said, wiping blood away from your skin with the warm water she provided.
“And yet, this one will die a fiery death,” she smirked, flaring her flames menacingly. She took off, presumably to be as hot as she pleased without endangering others.
“Can one of you help me sit her upright?” Halsin addressed the two men still tending to you.
“Sure,” Astarion said, noticeably calmer now that you weren’t actively bleeding. “How are her, um… her innards?”
Halsin smiled. “If you’re referring to internal bleeding, the potion I gave her and the spell I cast should be enough to have stopped it. But she’s still very fragile. I’d imagine it will take her some time to fully recover.” He once again held out his hand and cast a golden spell from his palm like he had earlier. “Yes, the internal bleeding has stopped. Though I’d suggest not giving into any carnal desires until she’s completely healed.”
“Carnal- I don’t want to have sex with her like this!” Astarion looked offended. “Who do you take me for?”
Halsin chuckled. “I didn’t think you would, but it still needed to be said.”
“Of all the-” Astarion narrowed his eyes but didn’t finish the thought. “You needed help getting her upright?” 
“Yes, she’ll need to be bandaged up. It’s possible she’ll bleed again depending on her movements in her sleep and various other factors, but she’ll also need to keep reapplying fresh salves to prevent infection and minimize scarring.”
Astarion nodded as Wyll finished washing away most of the blood on your back. 
“Let’s lie her on her back first,” Halsin said. 
Astarion and Wyll helped to gently roll you onto your back, and Halsin helped sit you up straight. Astarion came up quickly to place a gentle hand on your chest and another on your back to keep you upright as Halsin began to wrap bandages around your torso. 
Though your head was tipped forward in your unconscious state, Astarion whispered encouragements in your ear that Halsin and Wyll politely pretended not to hear.
“You’re going to be okay, my love. Soon I’ll get to look into your pretty eyes again and hear your lovely voice. Everything is going to be okay.”
~~~~~
Everything is going to be okay.
How could that be true when you were drowning?
Surrounded by inky blackness. Floating through nothingness.
Your limbs were heavy. And more than anything, you were tired. So, so tired. 
You’d messed up. You’d allowed yourself to fight, even though you knew you weren’t at your best, just because you didn’t want your friends to be upset. Right? They had been people you cared about? And now the last thing you remembered was being curled into someone’s side as they ran, presumably, to find help. 
Idiot.
You were an idiot. 
The person had looked so scared. 
This was all your fault. You hated being the one to cause a problem. You had to be good. You had to do everything right so no one would have to worry about you.
The person who’d held you so close and protectively shouldn’t have to worry about you. 
Whoever they were. 
You vaguely remembered saying something to them, but you couldn’t recall what it was or why you’d said it. You faintly remember making them snicker, at least.
You’re doing so well, darling. Hang in there.
It didn’t feel like you were doing so well. And yet the words filled you with comfort. Somewhere, a thousand miles away, you felt someone squeezing your hand. 
We’re going to move you now, but we’ll be gentle.
That was very kind of them. You were having trouble moving through this darkness. 
Easy, now. 
Was it possible to swim towards the voice? It sounded like it might be within reach, even though mere moments ago it had seemed incredibly distant and far-off.
You’ll be much more comfortable here, my love.
Though your head was filled with fog, something in your gut told you to go to the voice. You knew it was familiar, but you couldn’t make the connection. With all the strength you could muster, you kicked your legs as hard as you could and pulled yourself along with your arms. 
Don’t worry, my sweet, I’m not going anywhere.
Thank you, you wanted to say, but you couldn’t quite grasp the words.
Try as you might to swim towards the voice, it remained just out of reach, a wall of pain shooting through your abdomen whenever you got too close. 
I’m here, you tried to tell the voice. I can’t reach you.
Sleep now.
It hurts.
I’ll be here when you’re ready. 
Please.
~~~~~
Your sleep was fitful. It had taken about an hour before you’d started thrashing unconsciously and moaning in pain.
“Something’s wrong,” Astarion called, emerging from your tent. 
He and the others had moved you onto the makeshift mattress Wyll had created, and built your tent around you, next to Astarion’s. Or what would be Astarion’s; he had yet to set up his space, having spent all his time at camp so far by your side. 
Shadowheart, Gale, and Lae’zel had arrived at camp about half an hour after Astarion had rushed in with your unconscious form, all three covered in generous amounts of blood and gore. They had immediately asked after the state of you and were pleased to see you bandaged and sleeping soundly.
Now, however, that wasn’t the case.
Halsin and Shadowheart were quick to check on you. 
Shadowheart felt your forehead and frowned. “She’s burning up.”
“Likely fighting a possible infection,” Halsin hypothesized.
“Well, can anything be done?!” Astarion asked, taking his place next to you again and holding your hand in both of his. 
Halsin watched him carefully. “Actually, your cooling touch may bring her some comfort, Astarion.” He looked to Shadowheart, who nodded slowly.
“She needs to cool down. I’ll fetch some cold water, but Halsin is correct. You may be exactly what she needs. But don’t let that go to your head.”
“Of course I’m exactly what she needs,” Astarion puffed his chest, “but it’s nice to hear that that’s true in more ways than one.”
Shadowheart rolled her eyes before leaving and muttering, “Why do I even bother?”
Astarion looked to Halsin. “She’ll be okay?”
Halsin smiled softly. “She’ll need water and nutrients to help fight the fever, but with you by her side, I presume she’ll be better in no time.”
“Right then, get out of here,” Astarion said, waving him away and looking slightly embarrassed. 
Halsin chuckled. “I’ll prepare some food for her.”
“Yes, go bother someone else with your sappiness.”
Halsin paused in the entrance of your tent. “Being vulnerable is not a weakness, Astarion. It’s quite clear how much you love her, and that’s incredibly-.”
“You need to leave,” Astarion snapped and dropped your hand, physically shooing a laughing Halsin out of your tent. “Be useful, why don’t you?” he called after him coolly as Halsin made his way over to where Gale was preparing tonight’s meal. The vampire closed the flaps of your tent firmly.
Love?
He shook his head. He was worried about you, yes, but that was because he… cared about you. More than he cared about anyone else at this freakish camp. And that was… fine. It was fine that he cared about you because you cared about him, too. And that was important because caring meant safety and protection.
Which is why he’d been so panicked about finding help for you! Obviously! If you weren’t around to protect him, who would? Not Gale, that’s for sure. No, Astarion was looking out for you for purely selfish reasons.
Right?
You made a tiny sound of discomfort and he was by your side instantly, holding his hand to your forehead, and then pressing both of his palms to your cheeks. He felt your body sag and watched the features of your face relax a little.
“There, now,” he cooed. “Doesn’t that feel better?”
He paused and narrowed his eyes in thought. 
That was troubling.
He refused to think any deeper on the subject. Instead, he undid all the straps and clasps of his armor, trying to be as quiet as possible as he removed it all, then placed it outside so it wouldn’t take up any of your space. Next, he rearranged some extra pillows that Wyll had brought by your tent to make a space where he could lie next to you. Once he’d done that, he removed his undershirt and laid next to you properly.
“Come here, my darling,” he said quietly, snuggling himself into your side. His body jolted reflexively at how hot your torso was, but quickly moved back into position and wrapped his arms around you as gently as he could. Your face scrunched in discomfort for a moment before settling into something akin to peace.
Astarion watched your chest rise and fall quietly, and let out a silent sigh of relief. One of his hands absently fiddled with the ends of your hair. You’d need a bath at some point. So would he, for that matter. You were both still covered in gore and filth, and some strands of your hair were bound together by enemy blood. Astarion didn’t much feel like licking it off of you or tasting their blood in any capacity, unless he could watch the life drain from their eyes as he drank them dry. But he’d hate every minute of it. He found your taste to be his favorite.
His favorite.
So, you were his favorite. Who cared! He knew it! Everyone at camp knew it! It didn’t need to be any deeper than that.
He exhaled through his nose. Being vulnerable was a weakness. Any of his siblings would tell you that. Show one shred of fragility towards anything and it would be torn away from you and exploited in any number of violent and cruel ways. He couldn’t let that happen to you.
“Can I come in?” Shadowheart’s voice was quiet, but loud enough to shake Astarion from his thoughts.
“Yes,” he answered.
She pulled back the flaps of the tent and paused, taking in the scene before her.
“I hope I’m not interrupting,” she said slowly, entering the tent with a bucket of water and a few clean cloths. 
“Not at all, I’m simply taking advantage of this furnace,” Astarion gestured up and down your body. “The Underdark gets so chilly at night. Who knew?”
“Uh huh,” Shadowheart nodded and felt your forehead before dipping a cloth into the water, wringing it out and placing it there. “You know,” she began, “and I hate saying this-”
“Do go on, then.”
“Ugh. I really hate saying this, but… she’s lucky to have you.”
“Shadowheart!” Astarion sounded quietly flabbergasted. “Do you mean it? Truly?” He was being overly dramatic and held a hand to his chest. 
Shadowheart avoided his gaze and dipped another cloth in the water. “I just mean…” She sighed. “I just mean, you make her happy, in your own annoying way. Even before you both started-”
“Holding hands?” Astarion batted his eyelashes.
Shadowheart rolled her eyes, but continued. “I don’t need to tell you how lucky you are to have her because I think you know that, but… You make her laugh. You encourage her to fight better, you steal lutes for her… And… you get her to be selfish. Which, while I don’t agree with all of your selfish suggestions, does cause her to think of herself every once in a while. Something that’s quite hard for her, as she so competently displayed for us today when she didn’t tell us how tired she truly was.” 
“She was a lost cause before I showed up.”
“Be serious for a moment, would you?” Shadowheart placed another cloth along your neck. “That’s something you both need to work on; being serious.” She held his gaze. “We almost lost her out there today. And I don’t think you’ve thought about what that would mean for you.”
“Of course I have,” Astarion snapped. 
Shadowheart raised her eyebrows. “Our Lady of Loss teaches that-”
“Oh, don’t start with that,” Astarion said sharply. “She’s fine now. Or she will be, assuming you and the druid are correct in your assessment of her condition.”
“Pain is a part of life, Astarion.”
“Don’t say that to me,” he snapped. “You know nothing of my pain.”
Shadowheart dabbed another cold cloth across your arm that wasn’t currently cradled into Astarion’s torso. “I know that. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then what did you mean?” He was aware that he was mildly flashing his fangs in warning.
She dabbed some cold water over your shoulders. “Don’t be afraid. That's all I mean.”
“And what the hells is that supposed to mean?” Astarion narrowed his eyes. “Afraid of what?”
“You care for her.” 
“So what?” 
“You’re aware of that?”
Astarion trilled his lips in disbelief. “Of course I’m aware of that.”
“Okay,” she turned her attention to wringing a cloth of excess water.
If his arms weren’t currently wrapped around you, Astarion would have pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shadowheart, if you’re trying to tell me something, just tell me.”
“You’re allowed to love her.”
Astarion felt himself recoil away from Shadowheart, but he still held onto you. 
Shadowheart nodded calmly, searching his eyes. “We all see it. You haven’t known each other for long, but she’s changing you.”
Astarion gave her a sour expression but didn’t say anything to argue.
“She’s not what you expected, is she?”
“She-” he hesitated. “She’s not.” He looked at your slumbering face fondly. 
“I don’t think she’s what any of us expected.”
Astarion nodded, quiet for a few moments. He was too tired to pretend he was uninterested. “It’s a wonder we all found her,” he brushed a stray hair from your face. “Or, rather, clung to her. And in some cases, attacked her. Or threatened to.”
“It is,” she laughed softly. 
“Poor girl.”
Shadowheart smiled. “She saved me, up on the Nautiloid. She and Lae’zel broke me out of my pod. Though it was mostly her. Actually, it was all her.”
“That’s typical.”
Shadowheart laughed. “Very typical.” She shifted to face Astarion more directly. “We don’t know each other very well.”
“No.”
“And probably never will.”
“Fingers crossed.”
“But I know that you’re not the same person who held a knife to her throat a few weeks ago.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“Well, I would.” Shadowheart gave him a piercing look. “A few weeks ago, you would have been fine letting her bleed out on that battlefield. You possibly would have laughed at the brutality of it. Or, you would have written it off as a fine dining experience. But the Astarion I’m looking at right now was ready to burn the entire world before he saw her suffer today.” 
Astarion’s grip on you tightened minutely.
Shadowheart sighed. “I don’t like letting others get too close to me either. Partly because that is the way of Lady Shar, and partly because I’m afraid of forgetting. Or remembering. I’m not sure which is worse, truthfully.”
“What does that-”
“It doesn’t matter. My point is, our leader here makes me want to remember. Remember our times together, her kindness… And how she makes me feel.” 
“Careful…” Astarion said slowly, narrowing his eyes but smiling slightly.
“She might be the only person I’ve ever considered to be a true friend. I think. But I know she’d do anything for any of us. And I want to remember that.”
“Okay, so commit it to memory?” Astarion was confused about all the talk of remembering. Surely Shadowheart’s memory wasn’t that bad.
“I’ll try,” she chuckled. Then, after a moment of quiet, she inhaled deeply. “All of this to say, Astarion,” she looked him in the eye again, “heartbreak is also a part of life. And while we’re lucky she’s still with us, you shouldn’t be afraid to love her. I think you want to live.”
~~~~~
Darkness.
All consuming and quiet.
But at least the pain had stopped. 
It was rather lonely here. Nothing to do and no one to talk to. Whenever you tried to move, the blackness that surrounded you gave little away as to whether you were actually moving or not. There’d been waves of extreme heat, bitter cold, and heavy nausea, and while none of that was particularly thrilling, it was nice to know that you could still feel something in this liminal space of sensory deprivation.
The voice would occasionally interrupt the profound silence to address you.
Come on, my sweet, eat just a little more. I know you can.
What are you dreaming about in there?
Are you going to wake up anytime soon, darling?
You didn’t know. No matter what you tried, it didn’t seem likely that you were close to leaving this place. And just when it felt like you were finally getting somewhere, the pain would overtake you again and stop you in your tracks. 
It was exhausting.
You felt someone squeeze your hand distantly.
Brought a book. 
Your head instinctively turned towards the voice.
Thought I might read to you. Since you’re doing an abhorrent job of entertaining me.
Something about the tone made you want to argue. You try… whatever this is! you wanted to say.
Thought this one might be fun. “The Curse of the Vampyre.” Maybe we’ll learn something.
Vampire… why did that word send your heart racing?
“Harken close and beware the Vampyr.” Off to a good start. “Beware its cold beauty.” True. “Beware its charm.” True. “Beware its curse.” ………True.  
Again, you had the overwhelming sensation that you knew this voice. The sense of comfort that washed over you felt all too familiar.
“How doth one protect from the beast?” When was this written? A pause, as if the voice were investigating. I’ve decided I don’t care. The voice cleared its throat. “Walk not in the blackest night, for the Vampyr loves these nights more than any other.” I was rather enjoying my time in the sun, actually. “If you must walk, do so by the light of our moon and take care.” What kind of advice is that? The moon? The moon and I get on just fine. That wouldn’t protect you, darling. “Carry the blessings and marks of your God at all times.” The voice snorted. Yes, because the Gods have cared so much about stopping my acts of debauchery in the past.
Something in the voice’s airy tone lifted an aching weight from your chest. Yes, you knew this person. You were sure of that. You could listen to them all day. Mindlessly, you drifted closer to where the voice was strongest.
“But remember, your home is your fortress, if protected well.” Hmm. “If you hear a knock in the night, be wary. Let no stranger into your home.” As if we make house calls these days. “If it be a friend, look upon them. Do you find them pallid and wan?” Rude. “See you any mark upon their neck?” Collars, darling. Though, I’ve found that most people don’t pay close enough attention anyway. Especially when you’re distracting them with- Well, you know. The voice exhaled loudly. “See you any dirt upon their clothes?” Yuck. “Unless their need is great, turn all away but the most trusted.” You trust me, don’t you, my dear?
Yes, you tried to say. Of course I trust you. 
The voice was growing louder. More clear.
Of course you do, the voice said, though you were sure it hadn’t heard you. Stupid. “And if the Beast finds a way into your home, flee.” I’d say that’s good advice, but unfortunately for you, you can’t really flee right now. And I don’t plan on leaving.
Good. You exhaled, frustrated that you couldn’t speak. 
The hand holding yours tightened mildly. 
I’m here, darling.
I know. Thank you.
It took a moment before the voice started speaking again.
“Lease love and family behind.” 
You felt an indescribable tension as the voice paused once more. Had this passage just said something important? You replayed the phrase in your head.
Family?
Love?
Love…
Oh.
The voice was quieter when it spoke again. 
“You will not save them if you fight. You will not see them again. But they will see you, pale and smiling, calling them into the night.”
Astarion. 
Of course it was Astarion. How could it be anyone else?
He was here. 
With you. 
Just out of reach.
Well, that’s a rather ominous passage, isn’t it?
Astarion! you tried to say. I’m here!
Shh shh shh, he tutted. Don’t strain yourself.
Something you had said or done had gotten through to him.
Astarion! you tried again.
Nothing. You were met with silence. 
Fuck it. Fuck the pain, fuck this freakish darkness. You pulled yourself towards his voice. 
Shall I continue reading, darling?
Yes, keep talking. You winced as a flash of pain pulsed through your middle.
I’m going to skip ahead. I hope you don’t mind.
As long as I can still hear your voice. The pain was becoming more consistent and noticeable.
Ah, this sounds rather interesting: “Vampiric Duality.” Ahem. “Now look, the thing is: your basic vampire has two instincts, right? Feed and make little vampires.” Immediately, a vastly different tone. Is this even the same book? The voice paused again, presumably to check the cover. I admit, I do love to feed, but I’m not sure how much this person knows about vampiric biology. Not that Cazador ever allowed us much research into the subject…
You felt yourself physically recoil at the mention of Cazador’s name and heard Astarion chuckle.
No, you’re right, darling, I won’t mention him again. He hummed and mumbled under his breath. Blah blah blah… “The personality of a vampire has as many facets as a schizophrenic diamond?” What? I appreciate the comparison to a diamond, obviously, but a schizophrenic one? What does that even mean?
You would have laughed if you weren’t actively fighting to get to him. The pain in your torso was almost unbearable, the closer you got to his voice. Tears pricked your eyes, and every part of you hurt like nothing you’d ever experienced before. When the torment started to become white hot and all consuming, you hit what felt like a physical wall.
Ah! Listen to this part, beautiful: “Yet who doesn't adore the darkly romantic complexity of the vampire-”
You did. You adored this vampire. Though you were hurting severely, you reached out and punched against the wall that was blocking you.
Astarion! you all but wailed.
“-the gusto of their love-”
Again, you pounded with all your might, screaming out in agony and rage as the pain physically held you back from reaching out and touching him. You still couldn’t see him, but you felt his presence. So, so close.
“-the wildness of their passion!” You heard him let out a delighted laugh. 
I’m here! you shouted, using both fists to bang against this wall of pure suffering. 
Oh, my dear, if you were awake, I’d shower you with the absolute wildness of my passion. You could practically hear his smirk. I’d demonstrate the gusto of my… well. My-
Gathering all the strength you had left, you wound back and threw your entire body against the wall. You squeezed your eyes tight as an overwhelmingly bright light spilled in and your ears began to ring.
You gasped for air, sitting up quickly, and immediately regretted it.
You heard your name said softly in disbelief and a book slamming shut.
“Ow…” you whined, clutching at your abdomen and feeling tears roll down your cheeks.
Before you could register what was happening, you felt cool palms on your cheeks and soft lips kissing all over your face. You blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of the situation. 
“I’m so mad at you,” Astarion said, still kissing your face, his voice filled with nothing but relief.
“What… happened?” you asked between hiccups of tears.
“Lie back down, precious,” he said, gently helping you back onto what seemed to be a pile of pillows and pulling a blanket over you. “You scared us, is what you did.” He wiped a few stray tears from your cheeks, but they kept flowing. You couldn’t stop. 
“Did I… die?” You turned your head to look around. It looked like you were in your tent, your things strewn about somewhat neatly and similar to how it had been at your camp by the lake. A few candles were lit. 
“Nearly,” Astarion confirmed quietly. He looked exhausted. “An undead Duergar got you with his battle axe.”
“Ah,” you said, at a loss for words. “That’s not good.”
Astarion stared at you. “‘That’s not good?’ That’s all you have to say?” He held a hand to your forehead briefly. “Your fever is gone, but it’s possible you’ve got brain damage.”
You chuckled, knowing he was kidding, but the action caused a searing pain in your stomach. You let out a pathetic whine, reaching for the hurt area, but Astarion caught your wrist. 
“Careful, darling. You’ve got a pretty severe wound there.” He released you and pulled back the blanket that was draped over you. Upon looking down, you saw that nearly your entire midsection was covered in bandages. A spot of red spread slowly, disrupting the otherwise pristine white of the cotton.
“It h-urts,” you sniffled, your voice breaking. 
Astarion’s eyes were full of sympathy. “Looks like sitting up quickly may have opened the wound again.”
“Should I go get Shadowheart?” you asked without really thinking about it.
Astarion snorted. “If you think you’re strong enough to fetch the cleric, you’re delusional.”
“Oh,” was all you could say in agreement. “Should you go get Shadowheart? Or Halsin, maybe?”
He shook his head, turning away from you to rifle through some supplies that were out of your line of sight. “Everyone’s asleep, my dear.” He sat back up straight and set out a few items next to you: fresh bandages, healing potions, a salve of some sort, and a small bowl of water. “Besides, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of you myself.”
You almost laughed. “How long was I out? What happened to you?”
He rolled his eyes. “You were out for nearly twelve hours, I’d say. It’s a little before dawn, I think. Though there’s no sun to go off of.”
You nodded, not sure how to feel about this information. Twelve hours was a long time. And yet it felt even longer. Like you’d been out for a lifetime. 
“As for what happened to me, well, someone I… care about… nearly died.” He cleared his throat. “Is it so bizarre that I want her to get better?”
You smiled. “I guess not.”
Astarion returned your smile before hooking his arms under yours and helping you sit up. Someone had stacked two chests on top of each other behind the makeshift mattress to act as a headboard, and he helped you scoot back to sit against it. 
“Careful, my sweet, the axe entered through your back. Let’s try not to lean and put pressure on it, hmm?”
You nodded, wincing when you moved incorrectly. “When did you become such a medical professional?”
He was busy prepping the new bandages. “Shadowheart showed me how to change the bandages once or twice while you were out, and Halsin provided the salves and potions.” Astarion got up onto his knees and crawled over to you, helping you scoot forward, away from the headboard. “And my sister, Dal. She was a doctor, before Cazador. She’d help the rest of us every once in a while. Especially when things got particularly brutal.”
“That’s much cooler than being a magistrate,” you teased, flinching a little in pain.
“I don’t know, magistrates can sentence people to death.” He squeezed your arm.
“No they can’t,” you laughed. Then paused. “Can they?”
Astarion shrugged. “Can’t remember, honestly.” He leaned forward to reach for where the bandage was tucked into itself on your front. “I’m going to undo this now, okay? Let me know if I hurt you at all.”
You nodded, holding his gaze.
“Oh,” he said before turning to grab a healing potion. He handed it to you. “This should help.”
You took it and downed it as Astarion began to carefully unwrap the bandages. You could feel the unpleasant sting of something having dried beneath the cloth that was now being tugged at as the bandage was unraveling. 
Astarion was nothing but complete focus as he reached his arms around you and back towards himself, carefully unwrapping you. You watched him the entire time. 
“I heard you, you know.”
He looked at you, the corner of his lips quirking up. “Heard me what?”
“When you were talking to me while I was sleeping.”
He went a little stiff at your words. “What exactly did you hear?”
You raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know. I heard you reading just now.”
His shoulders dropped in relief. “Horrid creatures, vampires.”
“The worst,” you agreed. 
Astarion pulled away the last of the bandage and you looked down, your eyes widening at the huge gash along the right side of your stomach. 
“And we’re sure I didn’t die?” you asked, cautiously poking the area around the wound. The healing potion had stopped the bleeding.
Astarion slapped your hand. “Stop that.”
“Sorry.”
“No, you’re still here with us. I would have killed Withers if that weren’t the case.”
“You can’t-”
“I know. But he would have gotten an earful at least.” Astarion crawled on his knees back over to the supply area that you previously couldn’t see. Now you could see that there were a few buckets of water with towels and cloths of various sizes. He dunked his hands into one of the buckets and lathered his hands with soap. 
“Thorough,” you commented.
“You already fought off one infection,” he explained. “Don’t want to risk another.” He finished washing and drying his hands, then made his way back over to you on his knees, careful not to touch anything on his way.
“I had an infection?” you asked, watching as he dipped a cloth in the small bowl of water next to you. 
“Yes,” he said, “or were fighting one off. Like I said earlier, you had a fever, but it’s gone now.” He brought the cloth up to your stomach. “I’m going to clean the wound now. It might hurt.”
You nodded and he began dabbing your skin lightly. He was right, it stung and pierced whenever he hit a particularly raw area and your body jerked despite attempting to stay still. Tears welled up in your eyes again.
“I’m sorry,” Astarion said, reaching up to wipe a tear away. 
“I’m the one who got cleaved,” you deflected. “It’s my own fault.”
“Which reminds me,” his face morphed from apologetic to irritated, “why didn’t you tell us you were so exhausted? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I-” you squeaked at a particularly sharp pain. “I didn’t want you all to worry.”
Astarion’s hand paused and he narrowed his eyes at you. “Fine load of good that did, dear.”
“I’m sorry,” you looked away from him. “I didn’t know how involved the fight was going to be.”
“It doesn’t matter how involved the fight was or wasn’t going to be; if you weren’t feeling your best, you should have stayed behind and let one of the others take your place.” He sniffed pompously and added, “Would have given me an excuse to relax, too.” There was a sharpness to his words, but his actions remained careful and kind. You gave him a curious look and he rolled his eyes. “Oh, like I would go out and fight when I could laze about at camp for once.” He was suddenly very focused on not looking you in the eye.
You smiled. “You liiiiike me.”
“I’d have spent the entire time on the other side of camp.”
“Liar.” 
“The point is, darling, you have to listen to yourself and what you need. I do it all the time. For myself, I mean.”
“I know you do,” you chuckled. 
Astarion set down the wet cloth he was using and got a fresh one, before moving behind you to clean the wound on your back.“Why do you even care what we think?”
“Because you’re my friends, and I value your opinions?”
“No, I mean, why aren’t we allowed to be worried about you?”
“Oh,” you winced and flinched a bit at the cloth pressing against a tender spot on your back. “I don’t know. You all have your own problems to worry about. I shouldn’t be one of them.”
Astarion tsked. “I might be new to this whole ‘caring about someone else’ thing, but even I know how absurd that is.”
You tried to stay quiet, focusing on not moving to minimize the pricklings of pain shooting through your back. Yet despite your best effort, you still let out a few weak whimpers of discomfort.
Astarion sighed and moved away from you, back to the caché of supplies at the end of your bed. He came up with a steaming bowl of stew and reached across the bed to hand it to you.
“Careful,” he warned.
“How?” you asked.
“Halsin made soup. Gale knew a spell to keep it warm. This is the result.” He handed you a spoon. “We were able to get you to eat some while you were unconscious, but Shadowheart said you should eat properly whenever you woke up. I forgot until just now.”
“Thank you,” you said gratefully, shoveling some of the stew into your mouth. It was rich and heavy; full of meat and vegetables. Delicious.
Astarion took his place behind you again and went back to cleaning, but not before sighing dramatically. “Playing nursemaid is so far beneath me. I can’t believe you’re making me do this, you wretch.”
You swallowed some broth then said, “I offered to get Shadowheart.”
“Not a chance,” he growled in your ear, leaning around to kiss your cheek. “But if I ever have to do this again-”
“You’ll kill me?”
“Without a second thought, my sweet.”
“Mmhm,” you hummed through more food. “I think you’re enjoying this, honestly.”
“Seriously? When I could be out killing something? Or drinking from that gorgeous neck of yours? Or thoroughly ruining you? Nice try.”
“Are you hungry?” you asked, suddenly feeling very guilty for not thinking of him.
“This is what I mean, darling.” He sounded annoyed.
“What?”
“You are very weak at the moment. You lost quite a bit of blood from this wound, and you’re still offering to feed me.” 
“Because I want to help you! I have something you need and I lo-like you so much.” You caught yourself, but not very smoothly. 
Astarion raised an eyebrow. “Flattered as I am, I know that drinking from you right now could be fatal. And I think you know that, too.”
You shoveled some more stew into your mouth shamefully.
“That’s all I mean, pet.” Astarion set down the cloth he’d been using to clean your back and moved around so he could look you in the eye again. “You’re incredible. You always want to help others, which, while I don’t personally understand it, is seen as very admirable to some people. But it gets you into trouble, and I don’t think you care that it does.” He took your chin in his hand to make you look at him. “But I care now. And I don’t want this to happen again.”
“I can’t help it,” you said quietly. 
Astarion pouted mildly with genuine sympathy and kissed you chastely. “Try.” He pressed his forehead to yours.
“Okay,” you whispered.
“That’s my girl,” he smiled. “Besides,” his flamboyant cadence returned to make you laugh, “I already drained some poor beastie dry earlier while Shadowheart was changing your bandages.”
“Poor beastie.”
He kissed you again, more deeply this time. “It meant nothing to me,” he teased and you laughed. “It was purely for sustenance.” He nosed along your neck to his favorite feeding spot and kissed you there.
“I may never find forgiveness in my heart for this,” you teased back.
Astarion’s eyes went noticeably soft and a small smile tugged at his lips. His hands came up to your cheeks and he kissed you once more, tugging at your bottom lip with his front teeth. You matched his rhythm, moaning softly, and unconsciously rolling your hips, which made you cry out in pain.
“Bad idea,” you groaned, tilting your head away from Astarion’s eager kisses. 
He chuckled and rested his forehead on your temple. “You know, Halsin actually warned me not to ‘give in to any carnal desires’ until you were fully healed. I told him I wouldn’t.”
“And yet you did anyway?” you raised an eyebrow with a smile. “You selfish prick.”
Astarion tsked. “I’m not the needy one rolling my hips, now am I?”
“You bit my lip!”
“Call it… a vampiric sign of affection. Nothing more than that.”
You blew out an annoyed huff, causing a strand of hair in your face to fly upwards.
“I didn’t even draw blood,” Astarion said. “You should be thanking me.”
“Oh, thank you,” you rolled your eyes.
“But of course.”
“I so badly want to strangle you right now.”
Astarion growled from the back of his throat. “Oh, how I’ve missed you,” he said, kissing you again, despite your laughing protests.
“Would you please finish with this?” you asked, pushing him back and gesturing the undressed wound on your stomach. 
He groaned loudly. “If I must.”
“I can handle the front,” you said, nodding towards a bowl of salve, but not attempting to lean forward and grab it for fear of accidentally hurting yourself further.
Astarion hesitated in giving you the bowl, but quickly gave in. “Fine.”
“I’ll be careful,” you said.
He nodded once and took his own bowl of salve to spread on your back. 
The balm was cool and caused you to jump a little when it first made contact with your skin. Astarion paused his work to make sure you were alright. 
“I’m okay,” you assured. “Just cold.”
“You get used to it,” he smirked, globbing more cold substance onto your back.
Delicately, you took your own salve and began to apply a generous amount to your stomach. 
The two of you remained silent, locked in concentration as you administered the medicine to your wounds. It stung mildly, but the cooling effect it had became comforting soon enough. 
“So…” you broke the silence after you were satisfied with your work, “what did you do while I was… out?” 
Astarion exhaled through his nose and didn’t answer right away. “Oh, nothing special. A little of this, a little of that. My world doesn’t revolve around you, you know.”
“Sad,” you pouted, “because while I was unconscious, all I could hear was your voice.”
“Could you, now?” You could hear the grin in his voice. “I was all you could hear?”
“Mmhm,” you confirmed. “Which means you must have spent a lot of time by my side.” You risked a glance over your shoulder and saw Astarion’s hand hovering just above your back, frozen in place. 
He cleared his throat and continued to apply the salve. “And so what if I did?”
“Well, it’s just that there’s so much else you could have been doing,” you chuckled. “Like killing, or maiming, or drinking, or stabbing-”
You stopped talking when you felt his forehead press against your bare shoulder. He mumbled something against your skin, but you couldn’t make it out.
“What was that, my love?”
He sighed heavily and pulled back. “I was scared.”
“You… were scared? You?”
“Of course I was scared!” he exclaimed, looking irritated and confused. “I may already be dead, but it’s not your time yet. I would never wish that on you.”
You weren’t sure how to process that. 
Astarion.
Scared, on your behalf.
You knew he cared about you, that was obvious by now, he’d told you as much, but that was a fairly recent development. In the past, he’d only cared enough to save his own skin. He’d always watched your back, sure, but there were days where you knew he’d only helped you or another companion because it had been convenient for him in some way. Although, you had to admit, since you two had become… whatever you were, he’d seemed to take extra precaution when looking out for you. Both in battle and out.
“Astarion,” you said slowly when he returned from behind you to grab the fresh bandages, “what happened when the zombies got me?”
He remained quiet, fiddling with the bandages in his hands. 
“I carried you here.”
“Where is ‘here,’ exactly?” you asked.
He shrugged. “Not too far from those horrid singing mushrooms. They were no help.”
Your eyes went wide, knowing how far the journey from the Myconid colony to the decrepit village was, and how he must have traveled further than that to get here. You shook your head, banishing the thought. “How did you get to me from your platform?”
Astarion came close and unwound the bandages in his hands again, making sure he had the right amount. “I may or may not have… gone into a blind rage, killed some dwarves, yelled at Gale… It was no big deal.”
“And then you… carried me.”
“Yes.”
“All the way here.”
“Yes.”
“And then?”
“And then I helped Halsin with healing you. Why does it matter?”
“You…” You trailed off and allowed Astarion to start wrapping the bandages around your middle. Your eyes were unfocused on something in the distance and your mind was blank; too overwhelmed with thoughts to think anything at all. You shook your head to bring yourself back into the moment with him.
His voice was quiet. “I’ve been powerless far too often in my life. Seeing you go down, and not being able to stop it, it… broke something in me.”
You watched him carefully.
“If I was powerless in that situation, and you… If I’d lost you, I don’t know what I would have done.”
“It’s a good thing you didn’t lose me then,” you said, attempting to lift the mood while focusing on his hands.
He shook his head and paused with the wrapping. “Shadowheart said I was ready to burn the world. I think she was right.”
“I’m touched,” you joked again.
“I’m serious, darling.” He picked up where he left off with the bandages.
“You were that worried about me? Even though you were also surrounded by enemies?”
“Oh, believe me, I’m not pleased about this turn of events. Normally, in a setting like that, I’d be mostly worried about myself. But lately I seem to somehow be worried about you more.” He hummed as if he were surprised to hear himself say that aloud. 
You brought a hand up to gently wrap around his forearm as he continued wrapping you up. He met your eye fondly.
“You give me something to care for. And that’s worth the peril.” He smiled at you for a moment, then pulled on the bandages to make sure they were tight enough. “Is this alright?”
Try as you might to not let him see, your eyes welled up with tears. “Fine, yes.”
“Oh gods, don’t lie, you’re crying!” He immediately began to loosen the bandages and you started laughing.
“No, no, dummy,” you wiped a tear and stopped his hands with your own. “I care about you, too.” 
“We’ve established that, darling,” but his eyes went soft. “Let me finish this, you sap,” he gestured to your bandages, still not properly secured, and you released his hands. He once again returned to wrapping the wound and pulled the bandages tighter, but not as tight as before. They were firm enough that they wouldn’t fall, and you could still breath easily, despite the mild ache that lingered in your stomach. He tucked the end into the top of the wrapping beneath your chest. “There now, my sweet. All patched up.” He brushed both hands through your hair before resting them gently on your shoulders.
You smiled at him, but something occurred to you upon hearing the affectionate nickname. “Is there a reason you haven’t called me ‘my love’ since I woke up?”
Astarion looked taken aback. “Erm…”
You were quick to explain: “It’s my favorite. That’s why I call you that, too.”
“Your favorite…” Astarion stared at you blankly for a second and his hands squeezed your shoulders absently.
You could practically see the cogs in his head turning. You brought a hand to cup his cheek. “If I did something-”
Astarion shook his head. “No, darling, you did nothing wrong. Other than almost getting yourself killed, I mean. It’s just that… I’m in the process of coming to terms with how I feel - about you.”
Oh.
Oh.
He’d thrown “love” and “my love” around so casually, practically the entire time you’d known him. Abruptly stopping their use was incredibly unlikely unless it was deliberate.
Did this mean he was starting to rethink those words? And what it meant to say them to you?
Did that mean he… loved you?
Your heart started pounding as a million jumbled thoughts entered your mind. It seemed like Astarion noticed the change in your pulse.
“If that scares you-”
“No!” You were grinning widely and tried to hide it behind your free hand. “Take all the time you need, my love.” You hoped calling him by your preferred pet name might convey how you felt, but you didn’t want to scare him off. You knew better than anyone how new this was to both of you.
“Thank you,” he said, taking your hand and kissing the inside of your wrist. “Now lie down, would you? You need more sleep.”
You handed him your now empty bowl of stew. “But… I’m not tired.”
Astarion gave you a look as if to say really?
“I’m not! I’ve been sleeping all day!”
“And for good reason, might I add.”
The two of you stared at each other, willing the other to give in. Astarion rolled his eyes.
“Fine,” he said, annoyed. He reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.
“Carnal desires,” you reminded him in a scolding manner.
“I don’t plan on ravishing you right now, dearest,” he said, a bit of bite in his words. “If you’re not going to sleep, at least lie down with me.”
He moved the medical supplies off of the makeshift bed and blew out a few candles as he awaited your answer.
You nodded, a smile overtaking your features. “I’d like that.”
“I’ll be gentle,” he said as he got onto the pile of pillows and placed his knees on either side of your hips. He took your arms and wrapped them around his neck.
“I know,” you said, using him as an anchor to lower yourself onto your back and further into the pillows.
When he was satisfied with your position, Astarion carefully lifted himself from hovering above you and transitioned himself to curl into your side. You stayed on your back so as to not jostle your wound, but turned your head to look at him. He watched you intently, his hands palm-to-palm and resting under his cheek. You ran your hand through his hair. 
“I couldn’t reach you,” you said.
“When?” Astarion lifted his head slightly.
“When I was sleeping. I could hear you, but I couldn’t see you. And it hurt to try and get to you.”
“Oh, my darling,” he said, running a hand along your cheek. “I’m here now.”
“I know,” you repeated, warmth overtaking your chest.
“Nervous it’ll happen again if you sleep?” he asked. When you nodded, he nodded back in understanding. “Nightmares are dreadful.”
“Any tips?”
“Hmm… not really.”
“Thanks.”
Astarion laughed softly and reached for your hand. “I’ll stay awake with you for as long as you need.”
“You need your rest, too.”
He clicked his tongue. “If you think I’m going out with the others tomorrow, you’re a bigger fool than I thought.”
You exhaled an amused breath and turned your head back up towards the top of your tent to sort through some of your many tangled thoughts.
While it was true that you and Astarion hadn’t known each other for very long, it floored you how much of a change you saw in him now versus when you’d first met. Back then, he was cruel, and violent, and prone to laughing at the misfortune of others. Now, he was still all of those things, but there was also this soft side of him that he continued to surprise you with. He’d actively chosen to stay by your side all day, even though he could have let the others handle your care. He probably would have opted for that option just a few weeks ago. He was also making the choice to stay at camp with you tomorrow, rather than venture out with the rest of your party to be rewarded by the Myconids for your efforts, and possibly spill more blood throughout the Underdark. Knowing how much he loved to spill blood, that was a big deal. 
He’d also shown you the most tender affection the first night you’d slept together and every heated encounter since; he was showing he cared in the ways he knew how. He was trying his best (for the most part), and that’s what mattered to you. Astarion could take all the time he needed to sort out his feelings.
But you knew how you felt.
“So other than the peril, are you enjoying the Underdark?”
Astarion groaned. “Really?”
“Yes.”
He let out a long exhale, the cool air of his breath tickling your neck. “You know, for all the time I spent lurking in the shadows, I’ve never ventured into the Underdark before.”
“So you’ve told me,” you squeezed his hand.
“Hardly a… luxurious setting, but it definitely has its upsides for a vampire.” 
You nodded, still looking up at the top of your tent. 
“Or its… undersides? Because it’s - you know what I mean.”
You snorted at his feeble attempt at a pun. “Boooo,” you teased and looked over at him.
“I’ve been awake for nearly 24 hours, need I remind you.”
“Then trance, idiot.” You poked his nose.
“I said I would stay awake with you.”
“I’ll be alright,” you insisted, “though I appreciate the offer, my love.”
Astarion blinked slowly, his eyes suddenly heavy with sleep. It was as if he were finally allowing himself to relax, now that he was able to hear your voice again. He wore a lopsided grin as his eyes drifted closed. 
“I really did miss you,” he murmured, his voice soft.
“I missed you, too.” You brought your clasped hands up to your mouth and kissed the back of his hand. “Thank you for saving me.”
He didn’t properly respond, and instead hummed out a sleepy acknowledgement. 
“You’re so heroic.”
“Mmm.”
“And handsome.”
“Mhm.” He inhaled and exhaled deeply.
“Thank you for staying by my side.”
This time he didn’t respond. He looked entirely peaceful and his lips were parted slightly.
“Maybe I spoke too soon,” you laughed quietly, brushing a loose hair out of his face. “You should sleep though,” you said more to yourself than to him. “I can’t imagine how tired you must be.”
You watched his chest rise and fall with the unnecessary breaths he still took after all these years. You couldn’t believe that mere moments ago, he’d admitted that he was beginning to care more for your safety than for his own. Much less that he might even love you.
Astarion made a small sound, like a tiny grunt from the back of his throat that you’d come to learn meant that he was likely out cold. He rarely fell asleep before you did, given how little rest elves needed, which only further showed how exhausted he truly was.
“I love that noise,” you smiled. 
You turned your head back up to the top of your tent and sighed. “I love how funny you are. And I love how even though you’re incredibly intelligent, you’re the dumbest man I’ve ever met.” You looked back at him. His slumbering expression remained unchanged. “I love your eyes, and your ears, and the annoying way you put your hand on your hip when you think you’ve gained the upper hand in something.” You squeezed his hand ever so slightly and watched to make sure his features stayed even. “I love how kind you pretend you aren’t and how fiercely you deny it when I bring it up. I love your laugh, and how gently you hold me when you feed, and how you think about me when you could so easily think of yourself instead.” 
Again, you brought his hand up to your mouth and kissed his fingers.
“I love you, Astarion.”
You couldn’t be sure, but you swore you could see the slightest smile on his face as you felt your eyes flutter closed and you drifted into your own contented sleep.
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coff33andb00ks · 4 months ago
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32 w/ landooooo
32: not really paying attention, both doing something else, but still holding hands
<this took forever I'm SO sorry>
It's was a rare day. Unicorn days, you call them, those special days when neither of you have any commitments, when you can be lazy and just enjoy the apartment you've both spent so much time and money perfecting.
Lando's sat on the floor in front of the couch, shoulders hunched as he works on putting together the McLaren Lego that he got for you but has to do himself because you'll just lose your temper. And it's a McLaren darling you can't destroy it.
If he hadn't been right you'd be mad he said that.
But he had been and you aren't, sitting next to him and reading the thriller your best friend recommended, occasionally glancing up to check on him.
He's focused, studying the book then the mess of Lego pieces spread in front of him. His tongue pokes out the corner of his mouth and you almost whine because it's not fair that he still looks fucking cute when he does that.
He sits back. "This is torture."
You reach over to squeeze his hand. "I'll do--"
"Love, there's still a dent in the door from last time," he says.
You press your lips together and turn your attention back to your book. One - one - bad experience with Lego and now you've got a reputation. "Stupid Millennium Falcon."
"Dunno why you wanted to get it anyway, you hate Star Wars," he mutters, reaching for a piece.
"It's not about liking Star Wars... It's about the accomplishment of putting together over seven thousand pieces and having something that looks like it came from a movie," you mutter back, your fingers slotting between his.
"And raging when you do something wrong in the beginning and have to take it apart after working on it for eight hours?" he asks.
"And hating Star Wars even more afterwards, yes," you agree.
He's giggling, his thumb idly stroking your hand as he continues to work. "Never change, love."
"Don't plan on it," you murmur, settling back and squeezing his hand without realizing, content to enjoy his company.
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rootedinrevisions · 2 months ago
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Begin Again
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SUMMARY: Based on the song Begin Again by Taylor Swift. Just Tyler being a southern gentleman on a blind date to a girl who had written off love after her last relationship. FLUFF
WARNINGS: Mentions of previous toxic relationships.
WORD COUNT: 3.6K
The soft hum of the phone vibrating on the kitchen counter pulled her attention away from the sink. She dried her hands on a dish towel, glancing at the screen. Dani.
She sighed, bracing herself as she answered, "Hey, Dani. What's up?"
"Hey! So, I've got something exciting to tell you!" Dani's voice was filled with that infectious enthusiasm that made it impossible to be completely irritated with her, even when she was being pushy.
"Oh no, what now?" She teased, leaning against the counter.
"Don't sound so skeptical! I've got a guy for you."
"A guy?" Her heart sank a little, the memory of her last relationship flashing in her mind. It had been almost eight months since it ended, and the wounds were still fresh. "Dani, I told you, I'm not–"
"Hear me out!" Dani interrupted, her voice taking on that determined edge. "His name is Tyler Owens. He works with me, and he's seriously one of the most down-to-earth guys I've ever met. He's funny, and kind, and honestly, he's just a great guy. I really think you two would hit it off."
She hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip. "I don't know, Dani. I've kind of sworn off dating for a while, remember?"
"I know, I know," Dani replied, her tone softening. "But this isn't like your last relationship. Tyler's different. He's got his life together, and he's not the type to play games. Plus, it's just one date. No pressure."
She could feel the walls she'd built around herself starting to crack. Dani had a way of making things sound so simple, so easy. But it wasn't easy. Not after what she'd been through. "I just don't think I'm ready yet."
"I get it, I really do," Dani said, her voice gentle now. "But it's been almost eight months. You deserve to have some fun, to get out there again. Just give it a chance. If it's terrible, you can blame me and never let me set you up again."
There was a long pause as she considered Dani's words. She wanted to say no, to stay in her safe bubble where she didn't have to worry about getting hurt again. But at the same time, she knew she couldn't hide forever. "Fine," she finally said, a sigh escaping her lips. "I'll go. But if he's a weirdo, I'm holding you responsible."
Dani let out a squeal of delight. "Yes! You won't regret it, I promise. I'll text you the details. You're going to have a great time, I just know it."
After hanging up, she stared at her reflection in the window above the sink, a mix of apprehension and resignation swirling in her chest. She'd agreed to the date, but the week ahead was already filling her with doubt.
The days passed slowly, each one bringing with it a new wave of uncertainty. She found herself second-guessing her decision, wondering if she was really ready for this. Her last relationship had left her in pieces, and though she'd been slowly putting herself back together, there were still more bad days than good.
Some days, she'd catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror and see the shadows under her eyes, the lines of worry etched into her forehead. On those days, the idea of going on a date seemed laughable. How could she be ready for something new when she wasn't even sure she was ready for herself?
But then there were the good days. The days when she felt like maybe, just maybe, she could handle this. Dani's words echoed in her mind–she deserved to have some fun, to get out there again. Maybe Dani was right. Maybe it was time to take a chance.
Still, as the date approached, she felt the weight of doubt pressing down on her. She hadn't been in a good place mentally since the breakup, and the thought of letting someone new into her life was terrifying. But she'd promised Dani, and she wasn't one to break a promise.
The bathroom was filled with the glow of warm light, reflecting off the mirror as she stood in front of it, her makeup half-finished. She stared at her reflection, taking a deep breath to steady the fluttering in her chest. Her heart wasn't racing from excitement, but from the familiar grip of anxiety that always seemed to creep in when she thought about the past.
Her eyes drifted to the pair of high heels resting on the floor beside her. They were sleek, and elegant, and gave her that extra few inches of confidence she knew she'd need tonight. She loved how they made her feel–taller, more poised. But then, as she reached down to pick them up, a memory surfaced, uninvited.
"Why do you always wear those? You know I don't like it when you're taller than me." His voice echoed in her mind, laced with that dismissive tone she had grown to dread. Back then, she would've put the heels back in the closet and reached for the flats, just to avoid another argument. Just to keep the peace.
But tonight was different. Tonight, she was dressing for herself, not for anyone else. She slipped her feet into the heels, feeling the familiar boost in height and the way they made her legs look longer. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she straightened up, admiring her reflection once more. This is who I am, she thought, pushing away the remnants of his voice.
With her makeup finished and her hair styled just right, she turned to leave the bathroom. As she reached the front door, she hesitated for a moment before locking it behind her, as if securing herself away from the memories she didn't want to carry with her tonight.
Stepping out into the cool evening air, she pulled her headphones from her purse and placed them in her ears. She scrolled through her playlist until she found the song she always turned to when she needed a boost–a song that made her feel like she could take on the world.
The music filled her ears, and for a moment, she let herself get lost in the melody, the familiar rhythm soothing her nerves. But then, like a shadow creeping into her mind, she remembered his words. "I don't get why you like this song. It's so...repetitive." He'd said it with that same condescending smirk he always had when he didn't approve of something she enjoyed.
Her steps faltered for just a second, the weight of his disapproval tugging at her. But she forced herself to keep walking, pushing the memory away. She turned the volume up, letting the music drown out his voice. This is my night, she reminded herself. Not his.
As she made her way down the street toward the restaurant, she tried to focus on the music, the city lights, and anything that would keep her mind from drifting back to him. But it was hard. He had a way of lingering in the corners of her thoughts, even when she didn't want him there. Even now, as she tried to move forward, she could feel the invisible strings of the past pulling at her, trying to reel her back in.
But she wouldn't let them. Not tonight.
She walked down the bustling street, her heels clicking against the pavement as she approached the restaurant Dani had chosen. The address was saved in her phone, but she barely needed to glance at it–she knew where she was going.
What she didn't know was whether or not she really wanted to be there. Her mind buzzed with thoughts of past disappointments. Her ex had a habit of being late, often leaving her waiting alone, making excuses that always seemed flimsy in retrospect. Worse, there were times when he wouldn't show up at all, leaving her sitting at a table for two that might as well have been a table for one. Those memories weighed heavily on her, feeding her doubts. She wouldn't be surprised if tonight was just more of the same.
But as she turned the corner and the restaurant came into view, she noticed a man standing outside, leaning casually against the wall. He was tall, with a rugged look that was softened by the easy smile on his face. Cowboy boots, dark jeans, and a button-up shirt. He looked exactly like the guy in the picture Dani had sent her.
He's early? The thought caught her off guard, and for a moment, she wasn't sure what to do with it. She had been so prepared for disappointment that the sight of him waiting for her–ahead of time, no less–was almost disorienting.
As she approached, he looked up, meeting her eyes, and that smile widened. He waved, and she felt a flutter in her chest, a mix of nerves and something else she hadn't felt in a long time. Something that felt like hope.
"You must be Dani's friend," he said, his voice warm and inviting as she reached him.
She nodded, managing a small smile. "Yeah, that's me. And you're Tyler, right?"
"That's right," he said with a grin. "Nice to finally meet you."
He held out his hand, and after a brief hesitation, she took it. His grip was firm, reassuring. So different from... She quickly pushed the thought aside, not wanting to tarnish this moment with comparisons to the past.
Tyler opened the door for her, gesturing for her to go in first. "Shall we?"
Inside, the diner was cozy, with checkered tablecloths and soft lighting that gave it a warm, inviting feel. As they followed the hostess to their table, Tyler moved ahead slightly and pulled out her chair. It was such a simple gesture, one that might have gone unnoticed by anyone else, but to her, it meant something more.
Her ex never pulled out her chair. He barely held doors open for her. Little things like that were always too much trouble for him, or so he'd made her feel. But Tyler did it without a second thought as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It wasn't a grand gesture, but it felt like one to her, and she couldn't help but smile as she sat down.
"Thank you," she said, her voice a bit softer than she intended.
Tyler took his seat across from her, brushing it off with a casual wave of his hand. "No problem at all. I'm just glad you made it out tonight."
As they settled in, she realized something–this was different. He was different. The anxiety that had been knotting in her stomach all week began to unravel, just a little, as she started to see Tyler for who he was: someone who was already proving himself to be kind and considerate, something who was a stark contrast to the man she'd been so afraid to find again.
Maybe, just maybe, this wasn't going to be like before.
The soft clatter of plates and low hum of conversation filled the diner as they sat across from each other, menus in hand. She glanced over the options, feeling the weight of the silence between them. It wasn't uncomfortable, just quiet–a moment of stillness before things really began. They ordered their drinks and quickly decided to share an appetizer, sending the waitress off with their choices.
As the waitress walked away, Tyler turned his attention back to her, a relaxed smile playing on his lips. "So, Dani tells me you're an artist?"
She nodded, feeling a bit of warmth rise to her cheeks. "Yeah, I do graphic design. Mostly freelance."
"That's cool," Tyler said, his eyes lighting up with genuine interest. "I've always admired people who can create things like that. I can barely draw a stick figure."
She chuckled softly, the sound surprising her. It had been a while since she felt this at ease with someone new. "It's not as hard as it looks, once you get the hang of it. Plus, it helps pay the bills."
He leaned in slightly, resting his arms on the table. "So, what kind of projects do you usually work on?"
She hesitated for a moment, expecting the usual disinterest she'd grown accustomed to. But there was something about Tyler's expression–open, attentive–that made her want to share more. "I do a lot of logo designs for small businesses. Sometimes I get to work on branding for local events or create custom illustrations. It's always something different, which I like."
Tyler nodded, his smile widening. "Sounds like you get to be creative and make a living out of it. That's the dream, right?"
"Yeah, I guess it is." She smiled back, a genuine one this time, feeling herself relax even more. "I guess it's kind of like you and the YouTube channel right? You're doing something you love, and get to share it with the world."
He nodded. "Yeah, I guess it is."
The conversation flowed easily from there. They talked about the quirks of working freelance, the challenges of finding clients, and the freedom that came with her setting her own schedule. Tyler shared stories from his work as a storm chaser, describing the thrill of the chase and the close calls that kept his adrenaline pumping. She found herself leaning forward, hanging on his every word as he recounted the time he and his team were nearly caught in the path of a twister, only to escape with moments to spare.
"And there we were," Tyler said, his eyes wide with excitement, "huddled in this tiny storm shelter with the wind howling outside, thinking we were done for. But when the storm passed, we came out and saw that it had just missed us by a couple hundred yards. It was the closest call to an EF5 that we've ever had."
She laughed, not just at the story, but at the way he told it, with such animated gestures and an infectious energy that made it impossible not to smile. "That sounds terrifying, but also kind of amazing. I don't know how you do it."
Tyler shrugged, a playful glint in his eye. "Well, someone's got to do it. Plus, I get to see some incredible things out there. It's worth the risk."
She found herself smiling again, and it felt good. It felt easy. And that was the most surprising part–how natural it was to talk to him, how quickly the tension she'd been carrying all day seemed to melt away in his presence.
Their drinks arrived, and they clinked glasses, sharing a light-hearted toast to "surviving the week" as Tyler put it. When the appetizer came, they dug in, continuing their conversation without missing a beat.
Tyler kept the conversation going, steering clear of anything too personal or probing. Instead, they exchanged stories about awkward first jobs, favorite movies, and the weird things their friends had done to embarrass them over the years. He was funny, quick with a joke or a witty comment that had her laughing more than she expected to. And when she made a joke–a little self-deprecating comment about her tendency to burn toast–he threw his head back and laughed, a deep, genuine laugh that caught her off guard.
He thinks I'm funny? The thought lingered in her mind, unfamiliar but pleasant. Her ex never really laughed at her jokes, often dismissing them or giving her that condescending smile that made her feel small. But Tyler...Tyler laughed as if he meant it like he actually found her amusing. And that made her feel something she hadn't felt in a long time–validated, seen.
As the evening went on, she realized how much she was enjoying herself. She wasn't overthinking every word, wasn't second-guessing every response. It was just...easy. Comfortable. She hadn't expected that, and the realization both thrilled and scared her. Maybe this could be different. Maybe he really is different.
They were halfway through their meal when she caught herself smiling, genuinely smiling, and it struck her just how rare that had become. Maybe I needed this, she thought, taking another sip of her drink. Maybe this is exactly what I needed.
As the dinner wound down, the waitress approached their table with a polite smile. "Are you ready for the check?"
Tyler nodded, glancing briefly at her before turning back to the waitress. "Yes, please."
"Will that be on one check or two?" the waitress asked, pen poised over her notepad.
Before she could say anything, Tyler answered, "One check will be fine." He reached for his wallet without hesitation, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
She watched him hand over his card, feeling a small flutter of surprise. It wasn't that she expected anything different, but it still felt...odd. He didn't even ask. Her ex always made a point of splitting the bill, an unspoken rule that she'd grown accustomed to over the years. They had never had just one check between them, as if even that small gesture of unity was too much to ask. But Tyler paid for dinner like it was nothing like it was just what he did.
When the waitress returned with the receipt, he signed it and stood up, offering her a hand. She accepted it, feeling the warmth of his palm against hers as he helped her out of the booth.
As they stepped outside, the cool November evening air wrapped around her, causing an involuntary shiver to run down her spine. She wished she had thought to bring a jacket, but in her nervousness, it had slipped her mind.
Without missing a beat, Tyler shrugged off his coat and draped it over her shoulders. "Here, take this."
She looked up at him, her eyes wide with surprise. "Are you sure? Won't you be cold?"
He grinned, shaking his head. "I'll be fine. You need it more than I do."
She pulled the coat tighter around herself, feeling the residual warmth from his body heat. It was such a simple gesture, but it meant more to her than she could easily put into words. He gave me his coat, she thought, marveling at the difference. Her ex had never done anything like that, not once. She couldn't even recall a time when he'd offered, let alone insisted.
They started walking towards his car, the conversation flowing easily between them. Tyler pointed out the constellation of Christmas lights twinkling from a nearby shop window, and she found herself smiling, genuinely enjoying the moment.
As they strolled, she almost mentioned her ex, the words on the tip of her tongue. It was such an ingrained habit now, to measure every man she met against that old standard, to compare and contrast and remember all the ways she'd been let down. But before she could speak, Tyler started talking about his family's Christmas traditions, the movies they watched every year without fail. The conversation turned light and nostalgic, and she found herself laughing along with him.
Maybe I don't need to bring him up, she thought. Maybe I don't need to talk about the past at all.
For the first time in eight months, she felt that pull, that desire to leave what was behind her exactly where it belonged–in the past. She looked over at Tyler, his smile easy and warm, and she felt a flicker of something new. Something hopeful.
The night had settled into a comfortable quiet as they left the restaurant, walking side by side. The cold air nipped at her cheeks, and she pulled Tyler's coat tighter around her, savoring the warmth. They approached the corner where she usually turned to walk home, but before she could say anything, Tyler stopped and looked at her.
"It's freezing out here," he said, concern lacing his voice. "Let me drive you home."
She hesitated, instinctively pulling back. "Oh, you don't have to do that. It's not far, really."
He gave her a gentle, reassuring smile. "I know, but I'd feel better if you weren't out here in the cold. Please, let me give you a ride."
His politeness, his genuine care for her comfort–it was all so different. She nodded, the tension in her shoulders easing slightly. "Okay. Thank you."
They walked back to his car, and he opened the passenger door for her, waiting until she was comfortably seated before closing it gently. The car was warm, and she relaxed into the seat as they drove, the conversation continuing in its easy, unforced way.
When they arrived at her apartment, Tyler parked the car and got out, walking around to her side to open the door. He offered his hand to help her out, and she took it, stepping onto the sidewalk with a small smile.
"Thank you," she said softly, glancing up at him. "For the ride. And dinner."
"You're welcome," he replied, his voice warm. "I had a great time tonight."
They walked up the steps to her front door, and she felt a familiar pang of anxiety. This was the moment when things usually soured, where her ex would barely say goodbye before heading back to his car if he even bothered to get out at all. But Tyler stood with her, not rushing, not pushing for anything more than a simple goodnight.
"Well," he said, a touch of hesitation in his voice, "I guess this is goodnight."
She nodded, her heart beating a little faster. "Yeah, I guess so."
He smiled at her, and for a moment, it felt like the world stood still. He wasn't rushing to leave, and he wasn't pressing her for anything. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes. "Goodnight," he said, his voice soft and sincere.
"Goodnight," she echoed, her hand lingering on the door handle. She watched him turn and start walking back to his car, her mind racing. He was already so different from what she was used to, so thoughtful, so kind. For the past eight months, she had convinced herself that all love ever did was break, burn, and end. But tonight felt different. Tonight, it felt like something new was beginning.
TAG LIST: @omgbrianab I @shanimallina87
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miniy00ng1 · 2 months ago
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Not Yours
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Five Hargreeves x Female!Reader
wc: 1845
warnings: swearing, fighting, lmk if i missed anything!
find my masterlist here
hiii lovelies! i really enjoyed writing this, i will probably make a part two since the ending isn't really an ending, but i just wanted to get something posted! in this piece i refer to Viktor's character as Vanya since in the series at this time he did not come out yet! as always please ignore any grammar errors, give me feedback, and i hope everyone enjoys! thank you <3
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A bright blue flash appears in the foyer of The Umbrella Academy, from the flash comes the Hargreeves siblings, slowly coming to after being disoriented from time travel. The siblings surround the singular round table in the room, sitting atop the table was a newspaper.
Five Hargreeves, the youngest looking of the group, snatches the paper off the table frantically searching for a date. “Holy shit…I think we did it. It’s April 2nd, 2019, the day after the apocalypse.” Five lets out a dry chuckle, surprised he and his idiot siblings succeeded. 
Klaus lets out a cheer of excitement, he rests both arms over the shoulders of his two nearest siblings, pulling them close, “Go team! I mean look at us, we’re so amazing you guys. I think we should celebrate by breaking into Dad’s very special liquor cabinet.” The siblings laugh, all relieved they survived and saved the world, yet again. As the group begins to wander towards the sitting room, Five stops in his tracks–something, no, someone was missing.
Five looks at the bunch ahead of him, he counts their heads once—only five, and then recounts afraid that he’s made an error. He whips his head behind to check for the missing person–his missing person. Five releases a shaky breath he didn’t realize he was holding, panic beginning to set in, “You guys…where’s Y/N?” The siblings immediately become aware to the fact that you were missing.
“Maybe she ended up in another part of the house? We should split up and look for her.” Vanya suggested. The group murmurs in agreement, designating sections of the house for each sibling to search. Before the siblings can break off, something strange catches Diego’s eye, “Hey, why is there a painting of Ben over the mantelpiece?”
The siblings immediately gather around the mantel and stare in confusion at the painting of their dead brother, which was previously a painting of their missing brother. “Shit, that can’t be good…” Five hisses, trying to figure out what was going on. The siblings attention is pulled away from Ben’s painting as a figure abruptly stands up from a nearby chair. The fireplace sheds light on the figures, it was their previously dead father—Reginald Hargreeves.
“Dad, you’re alive.” Luther says softly. The older man scoffs and speaks in his shrill voice, “Why shouldn’t I be? And I am not your father, boy.” The monocled man corrects Luther causing him to furrow his brows in confusion. “What? What’re you talking about? Yes, you are. This is the Umbrella Academy.” Allison questions. “And you would be wrong again. This is not The Umbrella Academy, this is the Sparrow Academy.” As if on cue, six figures appeared near the railing of the balcony in the room.
“Those are my children, The Sparrows. After meeting you lot in the 60s, I was so put off by you that I made it a point not to adopt you, and instead found the others. I was quite successful and adopted eight of them.” Reginald states proudly, his hands behind his back. Another familiar voice grabs the attention of the Umbrella’s, “Dad, who the hell are these assholes in my house?” Ben Hargreeves, formerly dead, but now clearly alive stands before the group. Five squints his eyes at Ben, trying to determine what was off about him. Was it the hair?
“Oh my god! Ben-er-ino is that you? You look so good alive! Well, I mean beside that haircut, but I can look past that. Come give your favorite brother a hug!” Klaus squeals in excitement, approaching Sparrow Ben with his arms wide open. Sparrow Ben meets Klaus with a solid punch to the face. Klaus stumbles back and Luther manages to catch him. “What the hell was that for Ben?” Klaus groans, holding onto his nose.
Five examines the Sparrow siblings, trying to size them up, “You said you got eight. Where is the last one?” Five questions out loud. Suddenly, a small teenage, female figure appears seemingly out of thin air next to Ben. The Umbrella siblings slightly jump at the appearance of another person in front of them before they calm down and realize it’s you. But why are you standing next to Sparrow Ben and why are you wearing a school girl outfit with a sparrow logo on it.
“Y/N?” Five calls out, you tilt your head in response to hearing your name. You squint at Five with confusion, “How the hell does the kid know my name?” You look to Reginald for answers to which he doesn’t provide any. The rest of your siblings join you and Ben in front of the strangers in your home. “I think it’s about time you guys leave.” Marcus states, puffing out his chest. “We’re not going anywhere, this is our house.” Diego replies stalking closer to Marcus. “All right, it looks like we’re going to have to settle this the old fashion way.” Both groups of siblings get into fighting stances, readying themselves to beat the shit out of each other. 
You roll your eyes, your siblings have always had a flare for the dramatics and it’s just never been your style. You use your powers–manipulation of your appearance, to make yourself invisible once again. You study the way the young boy immediately looks for your presence, trying to get even the smallest hint of where you’ve gone. As your siblings start to fight with the strangers in your house you sit back to enjoy the show.
Each one of your siblings is matched up and fighting one of the Umbrella Academy siblings and with the way things are going down, you’re betting on the Sparrows. Marcus is clearly winning against Luther and you’re becoming bored watching them hit each other back and forth. You then come across Diego riding around on Christopher asking him repeatedly about “who his daddy is” this makes you giggle. You then make your way into the foyer where you observe two more pairs of siblings fighting.
Something on the table catches your eye. A sleek, black briefcase rests in the middle, you don’t recognize it, but recall that the Umbrella’s first appeared in this room. You snatch the briefcase and decide to keep it, just in case. “Y/N! Come here and look at this freak!” You hear Jayme call your name from the top of the staircase and follow her voice. Once you reach the top of the stairs you make yourself visible and see the teenage boy, who they call Five, making out with the air. “Guess who the little perv is macking on.” Jayme says wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at you.
“Gross Jayme, why do you have to say it like that?” You say scrunching your nose in disgust. “Let me deal with him.” You signal Jayme to go away. The boy is still stuck in his daydream and continues to make out with the air. In order to get him out of the dream state you hit him in the side with the briefcase, knocking him off balance. Five rolls to the floor, shaking his head trying to re-enter reality. Immediately realizing his compromised position he quickly gets to his feet raising his fists but once he realizes it’s you, he drops his arms.
“I’m not going to hit you Y/N. I would never fight with you.” As Five lets his guard down, you use this to your advantage, immediately swinging your body in an attempt to roundhouse kick him in the face. He blinks away, dodging the kick, and appears on the other side of you causing you to stumble back since you missed your target. You prepare to hit him again but he blinks away for the second time, this time right behind you and pressed to your backside. Five’s arms wrap around your body, holding you in place, the briefcase still tightly clutched in your hand.
“Love, stop this. I am not going to fight with you.” Five says through gritted teeth as he holds you arms down to your side. You struggle against his grip trying to wiggle free, “I am not your love.” In that moment you swing your head back hoping to knock into his head but a flash of blue light surrounds you. You’re back in the foyer with Five and a couple of his siblings. “Someone hold onto her and make sure you don’t lose that briefcase. I’ve got to make sure Vanya’s okay and then we’ve got to get the hell out of here.” Five calls out to his siblings, Luther takes over the hold on you as Five blinks away and snatches the briefcase out of your hand. “I will kill you if you don’t let me go you fat gorilla.”
The Hargreeves siblings manage to “win” the fight against your siblings thanks to Vanya’s powers and take you as hostage without the Sparrows noticing. Luther carries you over his shoulder while the group tries to find a place to rest. Once arriving at a nearby park, the siblings sprawl out and complain about their aches and pains. Luther sets you down on a park bench laying his legs over yours to hold you down. “Get off of me you overgrown monkey! Let me go home or I’ll make you regret it!” You say trying to come off as threatening but Luther doesn’t take you seriously. “You know Y/N, you used to be a lot nicer. Now you sound like Five, and he’s an asshole. Here’s a fun idea! Why don’t you go back to being the nice Y/N we all know and love.” Luther sighs, covering his eyes with his arms and ignoring anything else you say or do.
Five sits up straight from the table he’s sitting at, “Luther quick, hand me the briefcase. Maybe I can time travel us back to the correct timeline.” Luther groans at the thought of having to move, he brings his hand to the floor in search of the briefcase to which he finds nothing. Luther lets out an awkward chuckle, “Yeah…about that…I might have dropped it when that blind one was chasing us with her scary birds.” Luther winces in preparation of Five’s wrath. The look on Five’s face turns murderous, “I ask two simple things Luther, that’s it. So simple even a monkey could do it…or maybe not. Keep my wife safe and don’t lose the briefcase. Is it that damn hard!” 
You let out a laugh and tune back into the conversation at the mention of yourself, “Not your wife short stuff!” Five’s attention is now back on you, his nostrils flaring in frustration, “Yes Y/N, you have made that painstakingly clear. And you’re certainly not as sweet and loving as my Y/N and you’re annoying as hell. But until I can get my Y/N back, you’ll have to do. Not to mention, you’ll come in handy once the Sparrows realize you’re gone.” Five lets out a breath as an attempt to calm down, “We need a game plan and a place to stay seeing as we don’t have one anymore. Anybody have any ideas?” 
part two, part three
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pathologicalreid · 8 months ago
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this is the job | S.R.
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You and Spencer (almost) get into a fight about the demands of your job.
who? spencer reid x retired!reader content warnings: takes place before the events of stuck between a rock and a hard place (so like circa 9x20), retired!reader is not actually retired yet, slight bickering, spoilers for season 6 finale (supply and demand), reader is female word count: 1.13k a/n: just a little shorty piece about my beloved spencer and retired!reader, im having a lot of fun writing this little vignette style series. i know it's short but the next piece will be long and very hurt/comfort heavy.
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When the phone started ringing, you thought it was Spencer’s phone, but after letting it go for a few rings, you begrudgingly realized it was your ringtone. Groaning, you turned in Spencer’s arms and grabbed your phone off of your bedside table before answering the call. “Hello?” You greeted groggily.
There was only one person who would be calling you at two in the morning. Andi Swann’s voice rang through the receiver, “We need you to come in.”
“Now?” You asked, blinking sleep out of your eyes. Next to you, Spencer started to wake up. Using his thumb, he rubbed small, soothing circles over your hip while you talked on the phone.
It was a pointless question, you already knew the answer, and that was why you were already getting out of bed. “Yes, we need to get you out as soon as possible. We might have a lead on The Program.”
You sighed, looking over at Spencer, who was now sitting up, as you nodded, “Okay, I’ll shoot you a text when I’m on my way.” You hung up the phone, setting it back down on the bedside table before you made your way to the closet to retrieve your go bag.
“You’re leaving?” Spencer asked, burning both of your retinas when he leaned over to turn on a lamp.
Hesitantly, you started grabbing clothes out of your side of the dresser. Most of your clothes would be in the apartment that the bureau would set you up in, but you could bring some of your things. Basics, mostly. “Uh, yeah,” you answered.
Peering over at you while you tugged on a pair of jeans, Spencer furrowed his brow. “You just got back,” he responded, getting out of bed himself.
“I know, but that was Andi. She says they might have a lead on The Program, so I have to go in,” You informed him, trying not to topple over while you put your socks on.
Sat on the edge of the bed, your boyfriend leaned back and watched you pack. “I believe the operative word there is ‘might’. Tell them to send someone else,” he urged, not wanting you to leave.
Shaking your head, you zipped your bag shut, “You know they don’t have anyone else.” It was true – you were the only female undercover agent that Swann had.
Spencer clenched his jaw, “I know they don’t have anyone else, that’s part of the problem. They need to hire someone else to split the burden with you, it shouldn’t be all on you.”
“This is my job, Spence. I can’t just tell them I’m not coming in. You drop everything as soon as Hotch calls,” you reminded him.
Reaching out for your hands, Spencer pulled you in, so you were standing between his legs. “Hotch would let me spend a night in my own bed before calling me back in. You got home at ten, baby. It’s been four hours and eight minutes,” he said, keeping his voice low in the dead of the night.
Giving in a little, you leaned into him, “Our jobs are different. We have different demands.” You brushed off his concern. There was at least a part of you that knew he was right. As usual, you called Spencer as soon as you had debriefed with Andi. He picked you up and brought you home.
He placed his hands gently on your waist, “You’re burning the candle at both ends. You don’t eat or sleep enough when you’re undercover, and that won’t do anyone any good.”
Stepping back, you wiped a hand down your face, “I know, but there are so many people out there who need my help. I could save those people.” You bargained with him.
Spencer shook his head, “We’ve spent a total of four nights together this calendar year. It’s April.”
You knew that. You kept track just as much as he did, but that didn’t change the fact that you had a job to do, “You knew the score when you asked me out, Spence.” Your tone was a warning. When he asked you out after you worked with the BAU to rescue Renee Matlin, you warned him that you weren’t around much.
Admittedly, you hadn’t expected to fall in love with him.
Slipping your phone into your back pocket, you inclined your head toward him, “This is the job.” This job was who you were, Spencer knew that just as well as you did.
“This isn’t the job, love. You’re acting like you don’t have an option. It’s almost as if…” his voice trailed off as if he was stopping himself from saying something he’d later regret.
You crossed your arms in front of your chest, “You might as well say it.” Maybe he’d give you a reason to walk out the door.
He shrugged helplessly, “Fine, I think Andi’s taking advantage of your selflessness and your need to please everyone.” He narrowed his gaze, “You were just gone for five weeks, and now you’re leaving again.”
What crushed you the most was that he was right. “I don’t want to let anyone down,” you murmured. Padding over to him, you wrapped your arms around him, holding your breath until he reciprocated. “That includes you,” you admitted, chest tight, “I don’t… I don’t know what to do.”
Taking a deep breath, Spencer smoothed your hair at the back of your head, “You’re gonna go save some lives, because that’s what you do.” His voice was low and steady, “I’ll be here when you get back.”
You jumped when a phone started ringing, this time it actually was Spencer’s.
He picked it up and answered the phone, “Hey,” he greeted, face falling as the other person spoke. “I’ll be right there.”
Eyeing him hesitantly, you saw his entire demeanor change. The BAU had a case. Checking the time, you pulled back, “I should go.”
“Y/N,” he said. “I don’t want to part on bad terms,” he revealed to you as he started to get dressed himself.
Peering up at him, you offered your boyfriend a small smile, “We’re never on bad terms, angel boy.” You were just navigating a complicated relationship.
He raised his eyebrows like that statement surprised him, “but if I’m not going to see you for another month, then we can at least drive in together.”
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, you had already made your decision, “If we drive in together, then I have to call you for a ride when I get back.” You settled your hands in your lap, crossing one leg over the other.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Spencer responded, leaning over you to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.
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linlinaert · 11 months ago
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The last soulmate : chapter 2
Yandere! ot8! Skz x soft! fem! reader
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Minho's POV:
We took off into different areas, aiming to find our last piece, and as I went into the direction I aimed for, I felt as if a piece of me is drifting little by little, that led me to know that they are not here, I tried so hard to hold myself from sprinting in another direction to look for them. I interacted a little with the fans then went to hannie. A bit later Chan hyung came looking on edge, it doesn't appear too much on his face but I can pinpoint it when his angry or stressed or any other emotion, cause that's what we're here for after all.
He came to where I was standing and laughed with the fans a little bit, he then came closer to me and whispered in my ear.
"I've found her, min." Chan whispered which made my eyes widen for a fraction of a second then quickly composed myself, remembering that I'm still Infront of fans, then I looked at him.
"Her? She? A girl?" I asked cautiously as if someone will hear us and understand, it was shocking to me to hear that our last piece was a girl, cause we just predicted that since the eight of us are males, the last one would also be a he, but i guess fate has other plans, and I was getting exited.
"Yes, min." Chan-hyung said, he smiled at me, "she's over there, go and see her and I'll tell the rest, and she doesn't know that we're soulmates, she didn't understand the pull, oh, and I'm warning you, she's too beautiful you might get blind" he added, then I raised my eyebrows at him, he's already smitten, even though he didn't even get to talk to her yet. I nodded then took off into the direction he came from, as he went to hannie and the rest.
I stopped and waved to the fans, I felt it, she was here, I looked around and saw it, the most enchanting (e/c) orbs I've ever seen, there she was, our last piece, she looked at me with a cute little frown on her pretty face, oh god does she look so innocent and pure, she looks like the type to get hurt from even the wind, how did she survive in this cruel world without us, i can't believe she lived all those years without our protection and care, I can't imagine how many hopeless guys tried to court her, I felt a vein pop in my head, she's always been ours, even if we weren't there with her, no one has the right to be near her, then I saw a hand wrapped tightly around her shoulders, my eyes widened, i looked to her side only to see a guy in his twenties glaring at me with his hand around MY soulmate, MY GIRL, how dare he, the audacity he has to glare at me while touching our girl, i glared at him back, then a hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality, I turned to see changbin and Felix, who looked at me with a look that says "don't forget that we're in a concert", so I turned back then posed with them for the fans, as they looked at her, they had the same reaction as me, who can blame them, no one expected our last soulmate to be a beautiful lady, i helped them to stay in touch with reality and not get too carried away, and one by one we all had seen her, and we all had one thought in our mind, what the hell is that guy to her?
Y/N pov :
As the concert went on I was certain that all eight of them had eye contact with you, I can't help but think that they are coming in this direction way too much, but maybe I'm only overthinking, but whenever they came this way, my heart feels like a ball of emotions, I feel so happy, and whenever they made eye contact with me, I felt like blushing and hiding somewhere.
Through out the concert, I felt jack's hand wrapping tightly around me, I looked at him, I didn't know why he was acting like this, but maybe it was because of the stares I was getting from the boys, he brought my head to lay on his shoulder or chest more than once, not that i complain, it was comfy.
~~~~~~~~~
After the concert ended,we headed home, we ordered dinner and ate, and the next morning, we went to the fanmeeting, jack was tagging along with us, me and Lucia were discussing yesterday's performance, with jack laying his head on my shoulder, and playing with my fingers.
The fanmeeting started and we were going down the line to get to the boys, my turn came and I sat Infront of the first one that I had learnt his name was Han Jisung, he was looking down at first, and then when he looked up and looked me straight in the eyes, I felt as if my whole body was on flames, beautiful flames, electric shocks went down my body, i couldn't take my eyes off of his, they looked like they hold the whole universe and more, Jisung was like me, but he looked like he knew what was happening, he then smiled softly.
"Hi there, pretty." He said softly, getting me out of my daze, I blushed hard making him chuckle, and I looked down.
"Hi" I whispered, as he took the album from my hand to sign it.
"And what is this beauty called?" He asked looking at me smugly, and I blushed, it's so hard not to when a handsome man is flirting with you like that.
"Y/N" I said, then he quickly signed it writing a bit more on the page then proceeding to close it and put it aside, while I was playing with my fingers, he then looked at me and took my hand in his, this sent a jolt of electric shocks through me, I looked at him shocked, and he only smiled.
"So Y/N do you have a boyfriend?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jisung's POV :
"Bye~~~" I said to one of the fans as she moved to hyunjin beside me, I looked down at my bracelet playing with it a little until I felt someone sitting Infront of me, I looked up only to freeze, it was her, our last piece, our girl, she really came, we were going to go look for her after the fanmeeting, but she's here now, I felt my body burning up in flames as her beautiful orbs stared into mine, she's more beautiful up closer, I smiled softly at her.
"Hi there, pretty." I said with a soft tone, unlike the hyper tones I use most of the time, something in me is telling me she's a big sensitive softie, she blushed, oh my gosh, she's so cute, I couldn't help but chuckle at her cuteness, I'm barely containing myself from getting overhyped as to not scare her away, my leg is bouncing under the table from my excitement, then I heard a small voice, and i realised it's hers, and oh my god isn't it so sweet.
"Hi" she said barely as a whisper and I literally felt myself melting, I gently took the album from her hands, I opened it to sign then I realised that I still don't know her name, so I looked at her and asked her for her name flirtatiously.
"And what is this beauty called?" I looked at her waiting eagerly to know the name of my last soulmate, I saw her blush and say "Y/N" I didn't waste time and signed the album for her, our Y/N, even her name is beautiful, I felt someone glaring daggers at me so I subtly glanced at my right side only to find that it's the same guy from yesterday, the one who dared to put his hands on our girl, I returned the glare without anyone but him noticing then I wrote my number on her album with a "your handsome soulmate" on the side then I closed it and looked up at her again, she was playing with her fingers on the table, not looking at me, ah i think I'm gonna die from her cuteness, I took her little hand gently in mine, and I instantly felt as if I was in heaven, she looked at me shocked so I smiled at her, then I felt the glares again so I asked her, hoping that I get a negative answer.
"So Y/N do you have a boyfriend?" I said knowing that her being alone for too long, could make her think that she's alone and she could get a boyfriend, and the thought alone makes me rage, but who can blame her, the blame is on us for not finding her earlier and on the said boyfriend, if there's any, to think that he can take somebody else's soulmate.
I felt hyunjin's leg hitting me underneath the table, but I didn't care, not when that damn motherfu-ker has the audacity to touch my girl and challenge me in public, I heard her pretty voice denying that she has any.
"N-no, I don't, why are you asking?" She said softly, her eyebrows frowning in confusion, then I smiled, thinking of how to break it to her.
"I wouldn't want my sweet soulmate to have a boyfriend now would I ?, and neither would want the rest of us" I said winking, and I saw her stop functioning for a second, then she blinks and looked at me with a shocked face
"What---" she said but she was cut off by the manager as he said that the time was up, and ushered her to hyunjin a bit harshly making both me and hyunjin glare at him, but before I opened my mouth to knock some sense into his head, another fan sat Infront of me, so I forced a smile on my face and made a note to talk to him later.
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Author's note : hi there everyone!!! It's a little chapter showing our dear minsung's thoughts 🤭🤭, I feel like it's a bit plain but I really hope you will like it and love you all 💕
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billyshakesp · 3 months ago
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One for his Lyctors
Something that will never cease to amaze me is how well TazMuir writes the Lyctors. So I'm making it your problem ;). CW: Spoilers for Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth.
Let's start off by stating the obvious: the Lyctors are old. Whenever I mention "the Lyctors" in this post, I'm referring to Jod's original crew of eight Lyctors, and, more specifically, Augustine the First, Mercymorn the First, Gideon the First, and Cytherea the First. Those four are the ones we have met at the time of writing this. And they are old. They are each ten thousand years old. However, ten thousand is a number which may not mean much to you since you (presumably) have not even reached the age of two hundred. To quickly contextualise how colossal a number ten thousand years is, just remember that written history only extends as far back as five thousand years. In not so many words, my bbygirls are not actually very baby, and are, in fact, fucking ancient.
We, as humans, do not have any living reference for a ten-thousand-year-old being, aside from an occasional tree or a sponge, or perhaps a condiment bottle so deep in the back of your fridge that it would warrant a paleontological dig, but I digress. So how does Muir write her Lyctors so effectively?
Vicious dehumanisation
One of the most striking things about the Lyctors is the dehumanisation they have suffered over the past myriad. The first thing I noticed while diving into this subject (and by diving into, I mean I took a long shower one day and pissed off my family) is that the Lyctors do not have last names, and their first names function more as titles. Furthermore, the Lyctors are referred to as the hands, fingers, and gestures of the Emperor. In short, the readers and the characters of the Locked Tomb, including the Lyctors themselves, don't see the Lyctors as individuals anymore. Rather, their sole purpose in life has been reduced to just a soldier of the Emperor. Muir really shows the effects of the Lyctors' age; they are ancient, to the point where they have lost their own humanity and the only reason for their existence that they still hold onto is to serve the Emperor.
2. Their morals
Are extremely fucked up. Like, I cannot emphasise enough how fucked up the Lyctors are as people. Their morals are twisted in a way which can only come about from ten thousand years, rotting in deep space. For example, G1deon probably makes like 56 attempts on Harrow's life, and he doesn't give a second thought about it. When the other Lyctors find him, they don't really condemn his actions the way a human would expect another human to condemn attempted murder. To the Lyctors, life and death are both abstract concepts: life has lost all its meaning to the Lyctors, and thus, they do not see value in others' lives, especially the life of another Lyctor. Especially the life of a "Half-Lyctor." Additionally, Cytherea's plot to destroy the Nine Houses, while technically noble in its intent, is just insanely messed up. Yet, it makes sense in the context of her being a Lyctor, and, furthermore, someone who has suffered abuse for the last ten thousand years. She wants to bring justice to Jod, and for her, a small genocide is completely insubstantial. These people do not value nor understand life the way a human would, because they are unbelievably old.
3. The ways they break
Every one of the original Lyctors we see has a point in which they break, and when they break, we see a glimpse of the humanity peeking through. I could do character analysis on all of the Lyctors, but that would take a really long time. In short, we, the reader, get to see shreds of the people the Lyctors once were, and yet this only demonstrates just how shattered they are under the inexorable weight of time (yes, I use inexorable excessively now that I've read these books). Muir feeds us these pieces of the Lyctors' former selves to show just how buried that former self is.
In short, Muir does such a good job writing her Lyctors. They really are some of the most beautifully tragic characters I've ever read. I'm really just compiling some of the elements which I think Muir used to achieve the effect of "this character is bloody ancient." Feel free to add anything you feel that I missed (and I'm sure I missed a lot of stuff), and thanks for reading!
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theblueflower05 · 2 years ago
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Just a Little Taste
A/N: Welp. Somehow my breeding/breastfeeding kinks manifested themselves into a story. I wrote this sky high on painkillers and I am a little in love with the whole premise. @tiredmamaissy -I hope more than anything that you enjoy this. You deserve all of the goodness on this site. Your Masterlist is my personal spank bank lol
Word Count: 3k+
Warnings: This story is Filthy. Smut with very little plot. Breastfeeding. Pussy Eating. Slight mommy kink if you squint. Very pregnant reader getting pleasured, because pregnant beings can still be sexual. Aged up!Neteyam
You are responsible for cultivating your own online experience, please do not interact if any of these tags are triggering to you. Minors DNI.
Summary: You’re eight months pregnant with Neteyams child, and after a long day, you both need a little relief. Neteyam x Human! Reader
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"Sugar, Honey, Iced Tea
Bumble-bee on the scene.
Yeah, I'd give up my bakery to have a piece of your pie"
- See You Again, Tyler the Creator ft Kali Uchis
Life in the village is always busy. Constantly bustling with life and movement as everyone; human scientist, Avatar and Na’vi alike, rush to keep things afloat.
High Camp is so different then Home Tree had been, the rage of war adding a constant edge to long days and restless nights. You miss the comfort of a slow life, of hazy days down in the jungle. The jagged cliffs of the Hallelujah Mountains still don’t quite feel like home to you.
Still, you go about your daily duties.
Being a Pandoran raised human had always given you a different insight, the two massively different cultures you we’re brought up in clashing and mending to create a skill set that was like no other- it had taken many years of painful trial and error to find your place within the Omiticaya, but healing had always come naturally.
Both holistic and surgical alike. You’d spent years shadowing Mo’at and learning the ancient herbal ways of the people, while well as taking advantage of the many PHD toting scientist back at Hell’s Gate. Medicine had no boundaries, was a way for you to feel close to both sides of yourself. To broach the gap between human and clansman.
You find your skills being needed more than ever. The ever constant raids against the RDA means your hands are rarely idle, forever in movement as you tend to the wounded. Some days you sit in the big Healers Tent with Mo’at and the other Taskarem, and others you’re in the makeshift Medi Bay, which is really more of an Avatar Pod Trailer turned OR, with the handful of human surgeons.
The long hours spent on your feet leave you sore and exhausted, but you have to pull your weight.
Even if said weight is far heavier than usual as of late-
“Y/N” you’re broken out of your thoughts by Max- as he enters the trailer with a holo-tab in hand and a concerned look in his dark eyes “What are you still doing here?”
“I was just finishing up inventory- our antibiotic stock is back way up. Jake was right, those helicopter raids were more than worth it” you’d sorted out the tiny vials of vital medicine by hand, not wanting any to be misplaced or mislabeled.
“You don't think maybe you should head home?” He continues and you sigh.
You miss your tent, and the soft bed of furs that lay inside the secure warm flaps. And the man that waits for you inside of the patchwork leather walls-
“I’m fine” you assure. And really, you are.
It's a fact you have to keep reminding people of.
Yes, you’re as big as a Strumbeast, but you are no less competent. No less able bodied.
Pregnancy is one of the most natural parts of life, a base staple in all’s existence. There are plenty of pregnant Omiticaya women who were expected to play their roles, even as the battle raged outside the safety of the mountain cave system.
It was the nature of your pregnancy that was more…fragile then average. Inside your womb grew a child that would be the first of it’s kind. A scientific mystery: no one had even known it was possible for Na’vi and humans to procreate.
And yet all of the evidence now lies under your shirt. Your stomach round and pronounced, full of growing life.
Full of the love between you and the Olo’eyktan’s eldest son.
Neteyam had left his permanent mark on you. Had part of himself growing inside of you. The thoughts we’re enough to make your knees buckle if you focused on them too hard.
“You’ve been here since 6am, you really should get some rest. Take one of the empty bunks if you want. Have you checked your blood pressure-”
You’re a grown woman. You’re not going to huff and puff and roll your eyes, but fuck, do you want to.
Everyone was so overbearing lately.
Norm and Max we’re constantly breathing down your neck; “The baby has a different growth rate then a human child, we need to monitor the way that your body is responding” Followed closely by Jake who watches you with sharp eagle like eyes and Neytiri, who used to all but ignore your presence, constantly checking in on you throughout the day. Mo’at’s always poking and prodigy, and Kiri almost always has her hands on you in some way shape or form.
You are glad for the support, happy that this baby would be so loved.
But really, you missed being treated like the competent, independent woman you knew you we’re.
“My blood pressure is fine. I thought since we ruled out preeclampsia we weren’t going to worry about it anymore” you know that it’s not going to silence his worry, but still. You can try.
Max goes on one of his science mambo jumbo spiels, and by the end of it you’re waddling out of the lab and back to your hut, annoyed as shit but placating your pseudo father figure all the same. Only a month and a half mor of this and then things could go back to normal.
Everything had just…changed so quickly.
You 're a caretaker by nature. Caring for others is easy, feels right. You’d tucked the much older scientists into bed when you we’re just a pre-teen. Made dinners. Looked out for Spider and the other Sully’s-
And the role reversal still didn't quite sit right with you. Your control freak ways didn't do well with not being the one in charge- you’d been stripped of your title so to speak. You we’re supposed to relax into your new role, enjoy being doted over before the nine month’s we’re over.
You and Neteyam’s shared tent is in the centered in the cave, close to his families, but standing on its own. As private as anyone could get in the busy, close quartered camp. The walls of the hut are familiar, adorned with your combined belongings. Cozy and familiar.
You shimmy free of your confining bra, step out of your cargo pants, then toe off your boots, releasing your swollen sock covered feet with a groan before collapsing into your well loved bed, the soft blankets and familiar scent of your mate lulling you into a deep state of peace.
It’s kind of wild how quickly you can fall asleep these days. Growing a little person from scratch tends to burn a lot of energy and the moment you relax, you’re out like a light.
You don't wake up, even when the horns are sounded for the return of the War Party.
Not when Neteyam makes his way through the camp and enters the tent. He’s wearty, grime covered and hunched over. He only softens when he sees you, tucked safely, into his bed. Your eyes still closed and face still scrunched up as he strips out of his battle band and shin covers. He’s quiet, washing off with the large freshwater basin in the corner before making his way over to his much-missed bed mat.
It isn't until he's crawled under the blankets and wiggled his way as close to you as possible that you begin to stir. His large cat like snout nuzzles into the vulnerable crevice of your neck, chuffing hot breaths against the smooth skin.
You’re not upset at him for waking you up, a drowsy half alert smile stretches over your lips as your hands run up his strong back. Gently working the tense muscles.
He gets so greedy when he comes back from the War runs. He needs to be comforted, to be held and you are all too willing to comply.
Everyone else infantiles you now, and yeah, Neteyam could get a little intense and overprotective, but your relationship had always worked because you were the one person in all of Pandora that babied the future chief.
He was such a sweet man, with so much responsibility on his plate. You loved nothing more than holding him in your arms. Letting him release any and all tension because you had him. You, a tiny soft skinned human, were the barrier between him and the ruthless world.
You’d be such a great mother to his children. His hind brain purrs at the thought. That even through all of the controversy, he knows he’d chosen the right mate. Little and fierce, he hopes the baby is just like you.
“Are you okay?” You ask, tone hushed in the darkness of the tent. The only light coming from the small dying embers of the firepit in the center of the space. Hypnotic shadows dance along the canvas walls and Neteyam's breathing grows shallow as he sinks into it.
The way you smell. The way your heart beats, strong against his cheek. The way your plump body feels so good under his wandering hands. He hadn't been okay, just moments ago. He was delirious, so sick of the fighting that he felt ill with it.
But how could any of those bad feelings exist when he had you waiting for him? Ready to welcome him into your body, your heart, your mind. He doesn't think he could survive without knowing the solace of your love.
“I’m okay, narlor(beauty). Just missed you” he mutters, still trying to dig his face deeper into your skin. He wants to escape inside of you, you chuckle at his futile attempts to mend you both into one entity. His large palms rest against your bloated belly, tenderly and your heart flutters “Missed you both so much”
Being so loved is overwhelming.
You wouldn't have it any other way.
“I missed you, my sweet baby. I missed you all day” you assure him with the words you know he needs to hear. “Our son here thought it would be fun to jump on his sa’nok’s bladder all day. It was like was playing the wokau(pendulum drum) all day long- I spent hours in running back and forth to the bathroom”
Neteyam's laugh is deep and rich. Thoroughly pleased to listen to your stories of your day, eager to hear every minute detail. Desperate to drown out visions of blood and gun smoke with your voice.
“Ah, you have to be nice to your momma, little one” he chastises the bump, raising your shirt over your head, wanting that flimsy barrier gone. His lips trail over the tight skin of your bulging belly as he speaks to his child.
Your son, still safe inside your soft body, knows his fathers voice already. Recognizes that slightly accented cadence, and squirms inside of you happily.
Neteyam usually speaks strictly in Na’vi to your unborn child-
“He needs to know the language of our people, first and foremost”
-he’ll spend hours whispering his mother tongue into your flesh. It always leaves you boneless and shaking. Feeling so special and cared for. Na’vi, though your second language, is familiar to you. You’re fluent in the language- but fuck. The way your mate speaks it is the most beautiful thing. It’s musical, he tells sprawling stories with his colorful words.
There is one English he’s very fond of though. Every time it leaves his plush mouth it makes you grin, sharp. Knowingly.
“Are you gonna be nice to momma, Neteyam?” you question him after a while. His ears quirk, swiveling on his head and his tale flicks once, in obvious excitement.
You know what he’s wanted, ever since he woke you up by nuzzling at your chest. Ever since he peeled off your top and left your heavy breasts bare. Did he think you missed the way his golden gaze would flick to them, eyeing them hungrily.
He needs this as much as you do, but as usual, your sweet boy is too selfless to ask. Won't trouble you with his wants unless you bring it up first.
You reach for his big hand that rests on your belly, and drag it to where you need him. His palm enveloping your tits, the rough callus’s catching on your sensitive nipple just right-
Your pregnancy had been different than regular humanoid pregnancies. Your body worked hard, thrown into overdrive in an attempt to keep up with the fast growing fetus in your womb. You’d started lactating months ago, far earlier then normal. Your breasts firm, full with milk. Ready to feed the child that had not yet come into the world.
At first it had been both painful and embarrassing. You had no child to drink what you were producing and the other breastfeeding women in the tribe we’re hesitant to feed their babies your tawtute(human) milk. Already over emotional due to the hormone change, you’d wept at the fact that you had no one to give what your body readily made.
The fact that you couldn't be a bigger part of your community due to your human heritage, combined with the intense pain that came from having backed up ducts had been too much,
Eventually you’d turned to Neteyam, both your eyes and shirt soaking wet. Begged him to help you. And of course, as always, he did.
It should be awkward, or shameful- but connecting with him on any level is something you cherish. Why would this be any different?
“I’m always nice to you, aren't I, love?” Neteyam gruffs as he gently works at the breast in his hands. Its firm and full of milk, his mouth waters “Do they hurt again?”
“Mhmm” you whine pathetically, and you’re not lying. The skin of your chest is now marred by stretch marks and you’d had to stuff precious, hard to come by toilet paper down your bra all day to keep them from spilling over “They’re so full, Nete”
“Oh” He hums, thumbing at your nipple “Poor momma, I’ll help you. Don't worry” his lips are wet against your skin as he kisses his way to your breast, his tongue peeking out to circle your puffy nipple. A pearlescent drop of milk tops the rosy bud and he groans as it hits his taste buds.
He tells you that you taste good, often. The juices of your pussy, your spit soaked kisses. He’s always been greedy for it, his tongue bullying its way into your holes, desperate for your essence. Your milk is just as delicious as the rest of you.
It quickly goes from kitten licking, wide wet stripes against your pebbled nipple to sucking your big breast as far into his mouth as he could. Careful of his fangs as he gorges himself on your flesh.
He’s loudly appreciative as he suckles on your nipple. Grunting and humming and moaning at the flavor. Your arms come around him, cradling his head to your bosom because it feels so good. Having him this close, knowing that he'd do anything to take care of you. That he truly loved the way you tasted-
Many people thought you and Neteyam would never last. It was lust, they’d claim. Curiosity. A childhood friendship that would fizzle out eventually. Na’vi needed Tsaheylu, it was the lifeblood of all their relationships. Why would the much desired future Olo’eyktan stay with you if he couldn't even properly bond you?
While you couldn't deny that there we’re doubt filled moments that you yourself wondered why he’d chosen you and stayed so loyal to you…you still felt your own form of connection to him. While you’d love to make that sacred bond with him, you didn't feel any less close to your mate.
You never thought that you could be so intertwined with another being.
As Neteyam takes his fill from your breast, you massage the base of his Kuru, firm enough that it makes him hiss. You have no special braid of your own, but he’s always been very free with his when it comes to you.
You can do with as you please. Stroke it. Lick it. Massage it. Hell, he’d even let you touch glowing pink tendrils at the end of it before. Let you feel his exposed nerves, so vulnerable and raw in your hands that he had shed tears as you explored.
Nothing was taboo in your relationship. There was no space undiscovered between you.
Your bodies we’re so very different, and yet you knew his like the back of your hand. All of the strong muscles and hard sinew. The cobalt expanse of his skin didn't have one blemish that you haven't memorized. You could point out his striped pattern in a sea of other Na’vi.
And he knows you right back.
Loves to dig his fingers into your doughy hips, into your pillowy thighs. Your wide ass and ample chest. He loves your form, goes crazy for all of your alien curves. He never cared for your human modesty, he’d wanted to part your ass cheeks and stare at plump of your pussy for as long as he could remember. Wanted to strip you of all of those clothes and just stare.
The fact that he gets to do just that, for the rest of your lives, is his favorite, favorite thing.
You watch him eagerly as he slowly nurses. You can't get enough of the sight of him, his hollowed cheeks, the bob of his throat as he swallows your free flowing milk. He's so strong, his muscles flex in the dim light. All of that strength, and yet he’s so very gentle with you, his rough tongue laving at your sore buds every couple minutes. Soothing and tickling you all the same.
You giggle at a particularly quick swipe, letting out a small squeal as Neteyam’s tongue plays with the flesh in his mouth. His eyes peek open, glittering with mirth and low boiling heat as he meets your gaze. Whin his lips split into a smile, a dribble of translucent white milk escapes. Trickles down from the corners of his lips.
Heat pulses between your legs and you know he can smell how aroused you are.
Neteyam has always been able to turn you on without even trying. A well spoken word, or even a pointed look could get you running your thighs together. All desperate to get him alone and put your hands all over him.
You hate that you cant kiss him the way you want to, your Exo Mask, while necessary to your survival can be suck a fucking menace sometimes.
Your thumb traces his lips, the ones you want pressed against your own so bad. You rub the spilled milk from his chin. Cleaning him up in a way that's so simple, and so beyond erotic.
He breaks eye contact first, like he just can't look at you anymore. His brows all scrunched up, his chest raising and falling rapidly. He releases your sloppy nipple, completely covered in his saliva, and presses his face against the damp skin. Making a sound of distress.
Your fingernails skritch at his scalp, tangled in his many braids “What is it, baby?”
“I wanna fuck you so bad. Eywa, do you even smell yourself, Y/N? So good. I have to-”
“Yeah, yeah, okay” You nod, agreeing blindly. He can have whatever he wants.
“Fuck you hard, though. Gotta pound you. I know I shouldn't but it’ll be alright, huh? Won't hurt the baby?” his face is still buried in your skin, you cant even see his expression as he pleads for your pussy. It makes you so hot.
You push at his chest, needing him to get off of you for just a moment. He’s heavy as shit, a dead weight- doesn't really move until you're pouting and demanding for him to just give you a little space.
Enough that you can wiggle out of your panties and spread your thighs wide for him. Your swollen, sticky pussy on display for your mate.
His nostrils flare, and his thin tail whips wildly behind him.
When he swings your thick thighs up onto his broad shoulders, you let out a low, appreciative moan.
“Such a good boy for momma” you praise him the way the people praise the Great Mother. The cradle of your thighs a sanctuary where you both come to worship.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
Welp, I should be finishing up Part Three of First Love/Late Spring or plotting out future installments of The Sweetest Sylaung, but here I am writing nursing filth. Lol I truly have zero regrets, this story was so very self fulfilling(even though it partially came from a request). I hope you guys enjoyed though
As mentioned many times before, requests are currently open. Please send in all that good shit. I could use a good distraction from real life!
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 5 months ago
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End Game 4
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No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, stalking, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: Your gaming buddy asks to meet up but it doesn’t go exactly as planned.
Characters: Andy Barber
Note: I'm a sleepy babay.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
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There’s a finality to the tap of your thumb. You hold the block button for a moment before you let it go. The window pops up asking if you’re sure. Yes. Certain. This is just a mistake and when you’re older and wiser, you’ll be thankful you made it. If you even remember it. 
You lay back and put your phone down. Done. Over. No more Jacob. No Andy.  
Maybe you’ll go back and see Kara again, or she can come here, even if she hates this town. You can at least be thankful that it reconnected you two, and you have to be grateful to learn a hard lesson. Don’t mess with strangers online. You’re better off alone. 
You close your eyes. You’re exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and yes, physically. Who knew scooping ice cream could be so much work? 
When you wake up, you’re sore and still groggy. The sun peers in at you brightly in the slat between the curtains. You groan and hide under the pillow. Your shift starts at noon. You can’t spend all morning doing nothing or the whole day is wasted. 
You drag yourself out of bed. Your grandma is still asleep. You’re sure she was up until dawn with her latest haul from the used book store. You clean up the cluster of wrappers around her chair and tidy up the kitchen, dumping the old coffee and brewing a new pot. 
You go to grab your phone and pause as you see an unusual notification. Your email? Huh. You don’t really use that besides for school. You open it up, thinking it might be about enrolment. No. It’s him. Andy. Holy moly. 
You scroll up and down, skimming the blocks of text. Oh god. You hit delete. You’re not reading all that. You said what needed to be said. 
You have your coffee and load the machine for whenever your mother gets out of bed. You eat and wash up, catching up on some Youtube before you make yourself get your uniform on. You head out, walking to work to enjoy the sunshine, and key in between tying on your apron and chatting with Gavin, the high schooler who does half-shifts every now and then.  
He leaves at four and you have your complimentary cone just after five. Peanut butter chocolate; classic. You eat at the window as you watch the mostly empty street. Your phone vibrates and you slide it out, hoping to take advantage of the lull. 
WhatsApp request? No way. The shammy recruiters always want a piece of you. At least you never fell for that. 
You bite into the cone and your phone suddenly blows up with Insta notifications. Bots! Ugh. So annoying. Every new follower is faceless with some generated name. You mute the notifications and put your cell away. You really are a boring person. 
As you look up, tires crush over a patch of gravel and your barely catch a glimpse of the car as it rolls just around the corner. You feel like you’ve missed something. Maybe your grandma is right about you always having your nose buried in a screen. Who is she to talk? She lives in her novels. 
Your shift ends at eight. You lock up and stop by the convenience store down the block. Nothing special, just a tray of carbonara you can shove in the nuke. As you pay at the counter, the door chimes to signal another customer. You accept your meagre meal as the other patron strides into the aisle. You don’t look over as you go directly for the door. You’re starving for more than a scoop. 
Your footsteps seem to echo through the dull streets. The frozen meal makes your hand hurt as your other holds your cell phone close. You text Kara as you finally get through the essay she wrote about Calvin’s latest antics. You wish you could convince her to play something. You feel aimless without an analog stick under your thumb. 
There’s a scuff, close behind you, loud enough to make you jump. You fumble with your phone and glance over your shoulder. You don’t see anything but the thick oak outside Luella’s. Ugh. Alright, you need to eat and lay down. It hasn’t been a busy day but still a long one. 
You pass through your grandma’s front door. She’s where she always is, in her chair, but something’s off. Something’s different. The smell of pollen hangs in the air and a pot stands on the coffee table with several white orchids tall in the soil. You frown. The last time you got her flowers, she didn’t even put them in a vase. 
“Oh, those are pretty,” you say. 
“Mph, not mine,” she grumbles, not looking up. 
“Not... who’s...” 
“Delivery man said your name. I didn’t read the card. I’m not a snoop.” 
You nod, thankful at least that she isn’t nosy. You go to the table and examine the pot. Who would send you flowers? 
You take the card off the tall pronged stick and open the envelope. You slide out the paper and unfold it. 
‘I know I’ve told you a million times, so I’ll show you how sorry I am instead. Yours always, Andy.’ 
You nearly drop your handful. Your eyes flick up to the pot and you have to stop yourself from pushing it off the table. What the hell? How... how does he know where you live? You never even mentioned what town you’re from. He only knows your college and it’s so small, he wouldn’t have heard of it. 
It’s enough to unsettle you. That he knows where you live is bad enough but the flowers themselves make a point. It’s not over. He’s not walking away but what else can you say to make him? Didn’t he get it? You think were pretty nice considering. 
“You got some boy?�� Your grandma raises her eyes from the page. You can’t remember the last time she even bothered looking at you. 
“Not exactly,” you tuck the card away and put it in your pocket. “I’m going to make my dinner.” 
“Eh,” she grumbles, “fine. Get them flowers somewhere else. They stink.” 
You lift the vase, hugging it around the pot, and carry it from the room. You balance it against your hip and go into the kitchen. You use your free hand to pull open the freezer and put the pasta inside. You’re not so hungry anymore. 
🎮
The irises are pretty. The pot they came in is fancy, probably expensive. It underlines once more the gap between you and the real Jacob. Between you and Andy.
It only reminds you of how ridiculous you must have sounded. So, you just can’t understand why he’s doing this? Why is he still trying? For you? A girl with dwindling hopes of even finishing her low-tier college degree. 
You try to forget. You don’t have a shift that day but you can’t just sit around. Usually, you would. You’d hole up in your bedroom and play video games. Not anymore. He ruined that. You’re disappointed you’re letting him. 
You got down to the library for a while and wander around. There’s nothing there you’re very interested in. They still haven’t got the latest release in the series you’d read in high school. Oh well, you’ll wait around until one day you learn the fate of those revolutionary spies. 
You walk the main strip of the town. It isn’t very extensive. There’s a coffee shop and the used bookstore which also carries hobby supplies. There’s the same diner that’s been there since you were a kid and the interchangeable business that open and close year after year. 
There’s a vibe in your pocket. It’s not Kara. Another WhatsApp request, more Insta bots, and Discord. You haven’t been on the server in ages. You couldn’t keep up with all the channels and most of it was arguing about mining strategies. 
It’s Andy. Frig. You should’ve blocked him there too. You just hadn’t thought of it. 
‘Did you like the flowers?’ 
You don’t answer but he’ll see that you read it. It isn’t long before he’s typing. 
‘I am still very sorry. I wish you’d talk to me. Hear me out.’ 
Hear him out? He said everything. His son is dead and he lied to you. That’s not anything you can hash out. 
‘I know you’re not working today. I’ll make a new world and we can chat there.’ 
No. That’s not going to happen. Over. O-V-E-R. It’s done. You’re not going to be like Kara. When you cut the cord, it’s snipped. 
You won’t answer. That’s just bait. He’ll keep nibbling if you do that. You press the chat settings and block. That’s better, you can’t breathe. 
You put your phone on silent and back in your pocket. You wish you had the money to try the sushi place. It won’t last long in the bodunk town so you probably won’t ever get to. Oh well. Back on campus, they sell decent California rolls at the cafeteria. Decent, not necessarily good. 
You go home. To your grandma’s house. It doesn’t always feel like home. You know she’s counting the days until you leave. You are too. 
You wish you were brave enough to apologise. To say sorry your mom and dad didn’t want you. That she got stuck with you. It feels like saying it out loud would be worse. Just wallow in the unspoken resent, one day you won’t ever come back and maybe then you can both be happy. 
In your room, you don’t know what to do with yourself. Your Switch taunts you from across the room. You want to mine or race or even scare yourself with some Hellblade. You can’t. More Youtube. More wasted time. That’s what people like you do; people from small towns with no one who loves them and no money; waste time. 
The mindless videos help you relax but not forget. You just can’t get rid of the little tickle at the back of your head. There’s a tinge of shame that remains and a sliver of guilt. It will go. It has to, one day. 
You catch yourself staring at the orchid. You can smell it. You want to throw it away but that feels rude. Even if Andy would never know, even if you shouldn’t care. He hurt you, didn’t he? He lied. Well, you could give it to Mahalia next door, she loves flowers. 
You lay in indecision. You don’t want to do anything but lay there. Now that you’re still, you have no strength. Your day off is chipped away in your laziness.  
The next day awaits you with another shift at the booth. And the day after and the day after. 
Your fourth day in a row and you get a new Discord message. You know even before you open it, even by the blank avatar and nondescript username. It’s him. Just leave me alone. Let it go. Let me forget. 
‘I know you don’t want to hear from me but I need you to hear me. I can’t stop thinking of you and what happened. I can do better. Please, let me apologise.’ 
Blocked. Again.
Work. Again.  
You’re half asleep as you fill cones with soft serve. You smile and swallow yawns, faking it for the hyper children and cheerful couples. 
When it slows, you work on cleaning the freezer, switching out empty containers with ones from the deep freeze. As you check the soft serve, there’s a tap on the open walk-up window. Oh shoot. You should’ve been paying better attention. 
You turn back to greet the next customer but as you approach the window, your chest deflates. Frozen, like the tubs around you. You stare at Andy as he smiles at you. He wears a short-sleeve button up with blue, grey, and white stripes. His hair blows in the soft breeze. 
“Do you have butterscotch ripple?” He asks brightly. 
You blink and hesitate. You don’t know what to do. How did he get here? How did he find you? Why is he here? 
You reach for the window and before he can stop you, you shut it. You lock it from the inside and step back. His face falls and his brow arches as he stands straight. He says your name, his voice muffled by the glass, and puts his palm to the barrier. 
“Please,” he begs. 
You shake your head and turn your back to him. If your manager was here, you’d be in shit. That’s a no-no. Never turn away a customer, only shut the window when you lock up. 
You ignore him and go back to tidying. There could be a line up out there but you don’t care. Your hands are shaking and it’s not just the temperature.
You just can’t believe he’s there. You can’t believe he won’t just give up. You don’t want to believe it because you’re afraid. You’re terrified and he seems entirely clueless about how scary he’s being. 
Flowers are one thing but showing up at your job? That’s a flaming red flag that even you can see. Not only because you told him plainly that you don’t want to talk to him again, but because he’s a grown man. Fortysomething and he can’t take a hint. Why would a man his age want to talk to someone as young as you? That’s another red flag on its own. As if catfishing you wasn’t enough. 
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