#yes this is just a much more laboured version of a post i already made

[porcelain-dollbones]

Signs You May Be a Living Doll

Sometimes, living dolls spend so much time around real people that they forget what they are (or are made to think they are human when first constructed as some sort of unkind joke). If you suspect that you or a loved one may really be a living doll, consider the following signs:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

Jointed limbs.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation.

A distinctive clock-like ticking instead of a heartbeat.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

A marked affinity for household chores.

Chronic feelings of emptiness.

A circular hole in the upper back where a large key might fit.

If you meet 5 or more of these criteria, you may be a living doll and should admit yourself to the nearest toy hospital or Dollrescue at first convenience. Helpful links are included below.

[br-disaster]

CQL's crybaby Nie Mingjue appreciation post

I always see people talking about CQL's Nie Mingjue crying constantly, and they're right to do so, but I haven't seen those scenes compiled so I thought it would be a good idea to do it, since it's one of my favorite things about this version of NMJ.

*I'll consider the times he was tearing up too because I think they're important, but i'm only considering "full crying scenes" the ones where there are actual tears falling down his face.

*It's all in chronological order.

Episode 41 - defending Meng Yao

Why is NMJ crying? Crying is his response to everything, okay? NMJ is very emotionally invested in everything he does. He's very mad these men for saying terrible things about Meng Yao while benefiting from his labour. He's so emotionally invested in everything he does.

Is it a full crying scene? No, he tears up the entire time he's scolding the cultivators but those tears don't leave his eyes.

Episode 10 - being threatened by Wen Chao

Why is NMJ crying? Wen Chao is being very disrespectful, as he often is. And it's understandable, NMJ is hurt, his home was invaded, some of his soldiers are dead and it's overall a terrible time for everybody. To be honest, though, I think he's tearing up out of pure rage because Wen Chao just mentioned what Wen Xu did to the Cloud Recesses.

Is it a full crying scene? No. I almost didn't include this one because it's very subtle but his eyes look too shiny to be ignored.

Episode 10 - expelling Meng Yao from the Unclean Realm

Why is NMJ crying? It's a very emotional and conflicting moment on top of a terrible day, on top of a very stressful period of his life. He was betrayed by his friend who saved his life right afterwards; his home was invaded and they're at war! He has every right to cry as much as he did.

Is it a full crying scene? Hell yes, and it's glorious. They even end the episode with his miserable little crying face.

Episode 41 - Everything, really

Why is NMJ crying? Everything sucks, he's defeated and hurt in front of the man who killed his father. He didn't get his personal revenge and he didn't free the world from Wen Ruohan's tyranny either. Instead, he watched helplessly as his men were murdered and now he has to watch his former deputy mock his father's death and threaten to have Wen Ruohan damage Baxia like he did with his father's blade.

Is it a full crying scene? No, only because he's being very brave about it. I have no idea how those tears didn't fall.

Episode 41 - confrontation at Jinlintai

Why is NMJ crying? Very difficult topics being discussed here. People who are way better with words than I am have already written amazing meta on how having his worldview challenged like this affects NMJ emotionally, so I won't go there. But between the song of turmoil making him more emotionally unstable and the disdain with which JGY talks about the men he killed, evoking this very traumatic moment I just mentioned on the previous crying scene; I think it's very understandable.

Is it a full crying scene? Yes! Most of the time he's holding back tears, but you can see the one dramatic tear running down his nose (on the outside of it) on the second gif!

In conclusion: he has so much to cry about, it's surprising he didn't cry more, it must have taken so much strength (or he was just crying offscreen, which is plausible, because sadly this isn't The Nie Mingjue show and we don't see him all the time)

Anyway, I am not here to claim he's not a crybaby because he absolutely is, but on the actual show we only have 2 full crying scenes. They were so impactful it feels like much more crying happened. Fatal Journey is it's own thing so I made a separate post for those tearing up, crying and emotional breakdown lovely scenes <3

[delusion-of-negation]

top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)

[kittybellestark]

Okay I think Time Can Heal All, But Maybe Not This has been out long enough that I can actually talk about it

If you haven’t read TCHABMNT yet there’s gonna be some spoilers but you can find it here

EDIT: I forgot to talk about May bc I did this at night when I was really tired and my brain just wanted to talk about Peter ig, that is my absolute bad so I added that in everything else is the same tho

So obvs y’all know I had troubles with getting it published here and there’s still been some struggles but I wanna actually talk about the story.

So I started writing it a few months ago but only got 7 paragraphs in before not knowing where to bring the story. Originally the line “And Peter is terrified” was supposed to end that paragraph.

After that the fic was going to be all fluff and Harley and Tony trying to reassure Peter that his insecurities aren’t going to come to fruition.

But then I had a bad day. And the story had been sitting in my drafts forever. So I figured out how to continue the story.

Make Peter feel alone.

I had to keep the snap canon because otherwise there’s be no other plausible way for all of Peter’s family to just ditch him and for Flash and Peter to become friends.

I had to make it so that everyone in Peter’s life moved on without him.

So May moved to Italy and has a boyfriend who Peter assumes will be her husband by the time he’s 20, she has her dream job and is doing what she loves.

She moved out to Italy to forget Peter. It was for selfish reasons, she lost everything in her life, her husband, his family (Peter’s parents), her parents had died years prior and now Peter is also dead. She’s left alone and she doesn’t know what to do. So May moves to Italy to forget Peter and forget the pain and grief she feels. She doesn’t want to remember him.

By trying to forget she finds a new life. She’s a version of who Peter could have become. May is alone with no one, left behind in a world that lost everything. She has a new family and she can’t give it all up to move half way across the world. May would be uprooting her whole family. She moved on from Peter. Tried her hardest to forget him.

May wants to have a relationship with Peter, she just mentally cannot handle having him back in her life because then that opens up the possibility of Ben being back in her life, or her parents, or Peter’s parents even. By acknowledging that Peter is back for more than a phone call or a FaceTime it’ll send her spiraling. May has crafted this reality for herself and it is safe and she cannot give it up.

She loves Peter, of course she does, but having him back will only hurt her more.

I still think it’s canon, in this story,  that Tony reversed what Thanos did for Peter. And I couldn’t just kill Tony off either because that wouldn’t really be as painful as Peter just not having contact with him after everything.

It’s not because Tony just forgot Peter existed that they don’t really talk at the beginning. Obviously the affect of snapping left Tony seriously injuries and I referenced that in the story, “…Tony needed a lot more attention after the snap due to his injuries…” so Peter doesn’t really have the full idea of what his injuries are like, but I imagine pretty horrible, which would mean that Pepper wouldn’t be able to move him very soon.

Not to mention Morgan, who is born post snap and now the world had doubled in population and suddenly her father is so badly injuries he can’t be moved. That’s traumatizing on a child of her age, and then try and move her into the city?? That’s going to cause lasting affects on her mental health so of course the Starks are going to do what they can for Peter, but they have some really big things they need to deal with too.

But the Starks did move back into the city for him, it’s just a little late, because Peter is now going away for school. It’s not that they didn’t put an effort in to be with him, it’s just that they were spread thin between the Tony’s recovery, having Morgan cope, the company, what’s left of the avengers, trying and get themselves back to the city and being in the midst of what is probably an economic crisis.

When Peter turns 22 there’s a line “Just some empty seats and empty promises,” which isn’t much to go on, but a little bit later when Peter is thirty I wrote that Tony also has an 8 year old son. So Tony and Pepper were supposed to go to Peter’s MIT graduation, but she went into labour and they couldn’t go. It’s such a small little thing that’d be easily missed, but I wanted to sprinkle in that Tony and Pepper were trying to make an effort with Peter at least. But then they have another kid and being parents is hard enough, but now two kids? That’s hard, they’re going to forgot to prioritize Peter, especially when he hasn’t been a priority yet.

I felt it was important to give Peter someone though. Which is why Peter and Flash are friends through the story. It’s unlikely, and it wouldn’t have happened had they not been left behind. In the beginning I had wanted to have Flash and Peter get together romantically at some point, but that felt like a cop out, and too predictable. Which is why Flash ended up with Peter’s P.A, Gwen (yes Gwen Stacy). Having Flash move on with his life could either give Peter the idea that he could have what Flash has, because they’ve been in the same boat forever, or it could lead him to think that he’s incapable of having a life like that.

I had originally written that Peter tells Flash about Spider-Man, about how he can’t put on his suit without getting really bad flashbacks and panic attacks about what happened. But I didn’t want to turn this story to be about Spider-Man, because it’s not. This isn’t about Spider-Man’s struggles to get the suit back on and save people, this is about Peter’s struggles with mental health and his addiction. In my head Peter told Flash when they were still in high school, sitting on the bleachers in the evening, drinking a bottle of whiskey that Flash stole from his Dad’s liquor cabinet, which would also be the beginning to Peter’s alcoholism. But I ultimately didn’t feel like it was necessary to add to the story. It is something I’m willing to write out in the future though.

It felt really important for me to make everything in the story connect with each other. Peter goes to school at MIT, which is in Boston, where Ned lived when he was an adult (and we know that’s also where Tony went to school), and Peter is in California when he meets Harley again, where MJ went to school (Tony also previously lived in Cali). Everything needed to be connected to the life Peter lost. Which is also why there are so many similarities in Peter’s life now and Tony’s life before he settled down.

Tony went to MIT, well now so does Peter. Tony is an alcoholic with preference for whiskey? Yeah, Peter too. Tony is pretty much alone except for Rhodey? Peter is also alone, but he has Flash. Tony had suicidal and self-destructive tendencies? Peter has only tried killing himself multiple times. By making Peter into a version of Tony, it brings a reference to SM:HC, where Peter says after the ferry boat accident, “I just wanted to be like you” and Tony responds “And I wanted you to be better.” Peter is Tony, he’s just found fame and fortune at a different time, runs his own company and makes ground-breaking research that will help the world.

It’s why Peter is so hurt when he’s called (look a SM:FFH reference) “The Next Tony Stark.” He already is Tony Stark, except he doesn’t have the happiness or the family Tony currently has. Peter just has Flash and his assistant Gwen (just like young Tony only had Rhodey and Pepper). Peter being a version of Tony Stark, he can’t really see an escape. He is so horribly hurt and the only way he can see there being peace in his life is if he isn’t alive. Which is why he continues to try and kill himself.

I didn’t want Peter to die though, I wanted him to find something that would make life tolerable. Which is why I reintroduced Harley. Peter tries to ignore Harley, pretend he doesn’t recognize him, because Peter doesn’t want to remember his past and who he was and what he lost anymore. Harley being there is such a big reminder of who he used to be and who he wants to be, that Peter wants Harley to go away. He doesn’t acknowledge that he knows Harley, even when Harley all but says ‘I’m Harley Keener’ to Peter. At this point in the story Peter made up his mind that he is going to die. There was no other option, but then this beacon of hope shows up and Peter doesn’t want it anymore.

I think by reintroducing Harley it was important to never say that Peter and Harley end up together or that they’re still in contact. I left that pretty open ended because Harley just swooped in at the last second and stopped Peter from killing himself. Peter’s recovery is clearly not an easy one because that was when Peter is 30 and it’s only when Peter turns 32 that he’s one month sober. It was important that you don’t know who is Peter’s family. Because maybe it’s not the Starks or MJ and Ned or Harley or May. Maybe Peter moved on from his past they way they all had and has finally made peace with life, or maybe Peter’s past is now in his life again and he’s happy because he has what he always missed.

Everything in this story was so deliberate and there’s so much that I did that’s just these small little things and I love it so much. I think it was important to see Peter struggle with life and death and his mental illnesses.

So yeah, I’m completely in love with this story and if you guys have any questions about it please send me some asks and I’ll totally answer them, I’m just not over this story yet and I really want to talk about it some more !!

[tickle-her-senseless]

Important

Hey all. Just wanted to respond to questions from members of a couple of Discord servers run by the same person following a chaotic couple of days. I’m putting all the info and screenshots (minus names, pics and locations) here, so I can just direct people to this post if they have questions.

I had been intending to just head back here to Tumblr and let the situation lie, but unfortunately the reason given by the automated bot for my ban mentioned “crossing consent multiple times”. Today, friends have been sending me worried questions relating to this, so I’m concerned that the server owner may have made a similar claim in public. Now I pretty much have to say something as that’s such a serious thing to say about someone, particularly on any kind of kink scene.

The mention of consent actually relates to the server owner. Near the beginning of the lockdown, she and I were speaking a lot, she began to tease me in DMs, I responded with a piece of writing dedicated to her, we exchanged pictures - and eventually confessed a mutual attraction. We made plans for the end of lockdown, she talked about driving through Europe and showing me her favourite places. Although her English is perfect, I began learning her language through an app as I wanted to make the effort (Brits are renowned for being lazy with languages), and kept it up every day for months, amusing her with my clumsy pronunciation on calls. Sometimes she would send me explicit comments/thoughts, although I was always nervous to initiate that kind of thing.

One day she sent a message saying that she was still coming to terms with the end of her last relationship and would need to take things more slowly, as she was finding romantic sentiments (as opposed to kinky ones) hard to deal with. Naturally I replied “Of course, in that case I’ll wait for you to initiate that stuff once you’re ready”. At some point afterwards, she sent me a message out of the blue saying “I want cuddles ❤️” and I thought “oh, this is a level she’s OK with” and responded. I think it was the following day when I tried to pick up where we’d left off (without going any further, just cuddling in bed type stuff). She reciprocated and we continued. I also (in an attempt to consider her feelings) asked her if the idea of me posting an old session video on my blog for an American friend would upset her at all. Intending to reassure her about my intentions, I mentioned ”...not wanting to tickle anyone except you and saying no to all of the other UK people on the servers who are asking about post-lockdown sessions”. I also said “I do feel a commitment to you”, which (with hindsight) was probably a foolish or misleading word to use in a purely ler/lee sense.

A week later she sent a message I didn’t immediately understand along the lines of “I thought you were going to let me initiate romantic stuff, you don’t seem to have understood me at all”. I wasn’t sure what she was referring to - the recent story I’d written for her? Use of the word “commitment”? Something else? I tried to talk with her on the phone as some wires had clearly become crossed via text, but she refused for five weeks (citing not being in the right headspace), before finally calling when I sent a message explaining that anxiously waiting to mend the friendship in lockdown by myself for over a month was having a terrible effect on me mentally, and I was going to have to “throw in the towel”, wishing her luck and every happiness.

During our phone call, she claimed that the main issue had been the fluffy cuddle messages which she took to be a serious and repeated boundary/consent violation (citing her wish to avoid romantic talk). This was the last thing I expected and really shocked me. Of course I apologised frantically, repeatedly and profusely. I also said I hoped she could see how I’d made the mistake innocently and honestly when:

- she initiated it the first time, so I assumed it was something she was happy to talk about.

- when I picked up where we left off, she didn’t say “Actually, d’you mind if we don’t today?” and continued the cuddle talk instead.

She said that because she initiated it one day didn’t mean that she wanted to continue the day after - fair enough. The difficult thing to accept was the idea that she felt so violated by the attempt to carry on the next day that she found herself frozen to the point of not being able to say “actually I’m not in the mood just now” and carried on with it, and that I was at fault regardless. She even used the word “harassing” to describe it, which I found very harsh considering my inability to read minds over hundreds of miles. Especially when I couldn’t see or hear her to pick up on body language, tone of voice etc to guess that she was saying one thing but feeling a different way. She said, word for word, “It’s like when someone’s choking you and you can’t speak, you’re literally choking me!” As someone who, as a teenager, was once choked on the ground by my own father until I blacked out and lost bladder control, I did see that as a stretch at best, but chose not to challenge it as she was upset.

I also suggested that, looking back, we probably should’ve clarified exactly what was meant by “romantic stuff” when we almost certainly had different takes on it eg. I’ve cuddled after every 1:1 session I’ve ever had, even platonic ones, purely from the angle of aftercare and a sense of having shared an experience. I was told that despite our different ages and experiences of romantic love, there was only one objectively correct definition of “romantic” - hers.

We went around in circles for over four hours - I apologised over and over while explaining how I got the wrong idea and asking her to understand and forgive, while she tearfully called me a gaslighter, a consent violator, an excuse-maker, a harasser ... eventually I collapsed into tears myself (I’m ashamed to admit), totally worn down, and she softened a bit. She finally said she didn’t believe I’d done anything intentionally, and she still wanted to spend time together in the real world. We made up, spoke warmly as friends for an hour, and I left the call exhausted but relieved. After a few days’ reflection, though, I decided against ever travelling to meet her for real, as the experience had shaken me considerably - and I figured it’d be risky to meet someone in real life when I didn’t trust her completely not to accuse me over either nothing or an innocent misunderstanding. I was still wondering how to explain this to her when things got wild on the server.

A few days ago, a Tumblr user with a stated age of 18 contacted me to say nice things about my blog, which (I hope this doesn’t sound conceited) isn’t out of the ordinary. When she told me she was English and totally new to the scene, I suggested the Discord server as a place where she might make some friends (given the large UK membership) and sent her an invite link. The rest is set out in the mega screenshot saga below, which begins in the staff chat. I’m “SwiftX”, my real name is in teal, the server owner is in blue and her friend and co-moderator is in purple. All other names and locations are in black:

Before sending the last message, I actually typed out five different versions of a counter-argument before eventually deciding to step back. Being totally dismissed and lectured by two people about British labour laws and pub ID measures by two non-Brits nearly a decade my junior was irritating, yes, but the baseless suggestion that maybe I’d done something in private with the new member and was somehow “arguing against” ensuring she wasn’t a child because of that horrified me. As if I’d allow a child access to explicit content to cover my own discomfort - and anyway, I’d done no more than exchange greetings with the girl and point her towards the server, where she was actually verified and granted access to all channels by the guy in purple, not me! After a couple of hours’ contemplation, I politely asked to be removed from the moderator staff, but a disdainful response to my request prompted me to explain it, and why I was upset. Not all of what I said was necessary to say, but all of it was true:

She immediately muted me for 48 hours - “staff disrespect and degrading comments”. Not a problem, I had work to be getting on with. Late that evening, however, her friend arrived in my DMs:

Him: ...it’s creepy that a 32 year old man is potentially teasing a minor

Me: Well I can prove I haven’t teased her, her profile says she’s 18, and the person who exposed her to explicit content was you when you verified her - despite admitting to having had doubts about her age.

Him: ...I’ll drop that subject

Moderator of the year, ladies and gentlemen 🙄 Anyhoo, later that day I received a ban notification from both servers run by this owner, citing “crossing consent multiple times, guilting and being degrading along with causing several conflicts”. I was surprised to feel a flood of relief, but the consent mention really disturbed and worried me, as I’d been under the impression that the server owner had fully accepted that the earlier stuff had been an innocent misunderstanding. Later that day, good friends of mine began sending me worried DMs questioning my record and asking if I’d been inappropriate with a bunch of people, so I’m concerned that the staff may have said something that (deliberately or not) has encouraged speculation. This post is intended to be a landing page to which I can direct anyone concerned about my character so that they they can form their own opinions.

When my follower count began to take off, I became determined to avoid any kind of rift with another prominent member of the community. It’s so frustrating to watch an already niche subculture splinter into factions over needless disputes. This is why I’ve kept names etc. out of this post. If anyone suspects they might know who the server owner is, or actually knows who she is because they’re here from Discord, I would implore them not to out or target her in any way. There are two reasons:

- I don’t want to start a flaming war, I’m desperate to move on and begin improving my mental health after an awful couple of months ... I just need to protect my reputation first.

- I don’t actually think she wanted drama ... I think her genuine perception is that I’ve said something horrible to her. That’s more upsetting than the idea of her trying to smear me, to be honest. I suspect she feels like crap too, and I don’t want to add to her mental load. I honestly hope she’s OK.

Hopefully this will reassure my friends and anyone else questioning my character because of whatever’s been said in that server. I’d also hope that my history of positive interaction here, including being on great terms with everyone I’ve ever had a session with, supports what I’m saying further. It’s a shame this had to happen, but I’m trying to think positively about what lies ahead and trust in my real friends. I’d also like to thank the other members of the server staff who’ve privately sent me messages of support and sympathy having already seen the entire exchange.

[joemuggs]

Pirate Material: Still Original

Saw some discussion of The Streets’s early work, and went to see if this article was still online - it’s not because the Vice brand partnership vertical (I’m sorry) that it was originally written for is gone. So here you go again!

I don't hold with the insidious theory that making brilliant art is a young man's game – or, in the words of Sickboy in Trainspotting, that “you have it, then you lose it”. It's a trope that's been with us since the beginning of rock'n'roll, dammit since the romantic poets, that idea that inspiration is intrinsically tied up with the energy of youth, that great works come like a bolt from the blue and artists are best off dying young1 rather than chasing round in ever-decreasing circles trying to relight your creative fire the rest of your sorry life. But it's clearly rubbish, a denial of craft and labour, put about by fantasists and advertisers and used as justification by those with a vested interest in keeping us emotionally immature and by the worst kind of poseurs for their ghastly Peter Pan antics.

Every so often, though, something I see or hear will make me think again – will make me have a flickering moment of belief in the essential white light of youthful creativity. And 'Original Pirate Material' is one of those things. I mean, have you heard it recently? Really heard it? Played it loud from the beginning, given it your full attention, let that utterly insane opening salvo of 'Turn the Page', 'Has it Come to This' and 'Let's Push Things Forward' work their magic on you? It's arm-hair raising stuff, it really is. The false hierarchies and dreary consensus of best-ever lists is another of those things I don't hold with, but yeah this really, really deserved to be on all those best-of-the-2000s lists, and I will gladly fight its corner against the Arctic Monkeys, Dizzee, Radiohead, Outkast, whatever you care to bring in fact.

Like almost all the best music, I didn't really get it at first. It was tinny-sounding and clattery, where I was used to dance music's oomph; I couldn't work out what Skinner's roaming accent was getting at as he slipped and slid across the rhythms, in and out of ordinary conversational cadence, lurching from sublime to ridiculous within single phrases. It was intriguing right enough, but it was impossible to shake the idea that it was all a bit contrived, an indie-weakened version of soundsystem/MC culture, or even more naggingly the idea that it was a wind-up, that this music was taking the piss out of all of us. Lines nicked from 'Gladiator' and talk about his Reeboks? Be serious. And then I had the epiphany.

The scene couldn't have been set better, really. I was out in Amsterdam for eight days on my first ever magazine feature assignment – to cover a conference on Amazon shamanic practice AND a High Times convention. I'd been hanging out with psychonauts, ravers, witch doctors2 and Dutch farmers, and experienced the best that ancient cultures and modern science had to offer; I was in a terrific mood as I was finally doing the job I'd always wanted to, and had been able to utter the immortal phrase “can I claim my ritual on expenses3, please?” on the phone to the Face magazine office. So when someone mentioned “that new band The Streets are playing the Melkweg” I was pretty much up for it.

The DJ beforehand, a Dutchman called Big Head, was playing what was generally known as “breakstep”, a kind of funky uncle to dubstep, and I liked it so much I bought his mix CD4. The Streets were very late coming on, but the crowd were raving and so was I, so who cared? When they did crash onto the stage, though, Skinner immediately and repeatedly asking the crowd if anyone had any cocaine, it was a glorious disruption of the groove, their sound spiky and awkward, and from the beginning I loved it. I don't remember a lot about the band except there was an ex-member of the Senseless Things5 on bass, and that Skinner and his co-vocalist spent a lot of the set pushing, shoving and trying to trip one another up.

And that's when it clicked into place: yes, this was a piss-take, but it was a deadly serious piss-take. This child-like 24-year-old was not just meandering between voices, themes and levels of seriousness, he was embodying every single one of them. He was a shaman too6. What was chaos and what was control became impossible to discern7. The only time I could remember seeing elemental clowning like this before on a stage was the Happy Mondays back in 1990, but I also recognised the spirit of so many loony rave urchins I'd been bamboozled and bantered at and had lighters stolen by over the years8, the never-ending babble of these Shakespearean monkeys, possessed by the endless power of the English language to spin out shaggy dog stories, to make jokes of the most serious matters and suddenly turn jokes deathly serious. The films that were projected as back stories to each of the tracks matched the quotidian urban subject matter of those songs – but they, like the lyrics and the music, revealed something so much more primal beneath. And still you could dance, laugh, drink and carouse to it.

Which is why, when I listen to 'Original Pirate Material' now, I don't hear “bloke poetry” or grittiness or mundanity or social realism any of those other things that are inevitably reeled out. I hear constant windows in to the most profound and abstracted of human instincts and experiences: vertigo, jealousy, transition, glory, loss, innocence and so much more. Just listen to the sudden swerves from domestic detail to dizzying generality in 'It's Too Late' or the affirmation and melancholy in 'Weak Become Heroes': these are about so, so much more than losing a girl or doing a pill9. They're about being human. Only years later did I start realising that Skinner was writing in a great English language tradition going a millennium back to Beowulf and taking in Sterne, Carroll, Lear, Pound, Spike Milligan, Ivor Cutler, Mark E Smith and Roots Manuva10, gibbering gobshites and bullshit artists, holy fools who could skip wildly into parts of our psyches where angels fear to tread.

He could never top this, could he? None of this is to dismiss Skinner's later work – he has on occasion made some glorious music and told some great tales since, and especially on 'Computers and Blues' when he turned full circle back to some of his early themes and freeform lyricism he showed he was tapped into the same wellspring – but 'Original Pirate Material' had it all. Everything afterwards, whether it's his narratives of modern life and celebrity, or his more philosophical turns, couldn't help but be self-conscious, trying to impose more structure onto what he had already expressed so perfectly in its rants, sketches, jokes and asides. This isn't about drugs, it's not about  “authenticity”11, and it's not really about youth as such – others have tapped into this very British, very mongrel method of accessing the ways of the human mind from very different places and perspectives – but for Skinner it was all tied into a particular openness to everything that comes with being a hungry young man with his eyes (very) wide open.

--

1 See the infamous “27 Club”, much discussed when Amy Winehouse carked it, and so called because it's the number of times anyone who takes it seriously deserves to have their face walloped with a cricket bat.

2 To be precise, a shaman from the Shuar tribe of Ecuador who played the Jew's harp.

3 Yes, bloggers, these were the days when journalists got paid expenses. They were decadent times, the early 00s.

4 In fact it is sitting on my desk right now, and it still sounds good.

5 You think nonsense genre names like “Post Dubstep” or indeed “Breakstep” are silly? Back in the 90s, The Senseless things were lumped, along with Mega City 4 and Silverfish into a genre called Fraggle Rock. Seriously.

6 No Jew's harp though, just a microphone.

7 You want to know how giddy with the brilliance of it all I was feeling at that moment? My brain flashed up the image of Stockard Channing going “chaos... control... chaos... control... you like?” to Will Smith as Donald Sutherland spun a double-sided Kandinsky in 'Six Degress of Separation'. And what? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjwiachXkjc

8 One routine about fake vs real Nike caps that managed to weave in and out of between-song patter for almost the entire set was such archetypal rave bollocks that you'd swear you'd heard it before from someone who was about to do you out of a tenner at some party on a hillside.

9 They're about those things too, though.

10 Peter Ackroyd's 'Albion: the Origins of the English Imagination' is the book you need on this topic, although admittedly he doesn't get right the way through to Roots Manuva.

11 There's no such thing.

[merinnan]

DMBJ Ep 6

I’ve been a bit behind putting these up on Tumblr, so I’m afraid you’re about to get a dump of the remainder of Season 1, plus the first two eps of Explore with the Note! (not all in one post, of course - 1 ep per post as usual)

So! Episode 6!

The Xiaoge Rescue Count at the start of ep 6 stands at 9 for Wu Xie, 12 for the protagonists, 13 for everyone.

- And we start back with Chengcheng and High Jr. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS SUBPLOT, MAKE IT GO AWAY AND BRING BACK XIAOGE AND WU XIE. 

- Why is Chengcheng calling her kidnapper dage? I don't like her or trust her. She is annoying and shady

- Oh, good, now we are back to Wu Xie being a good boy 

- That is a lot of guns and explosives Sanshu has recovered

- I am annoyed at how they all seem to think that A-Ning needs to be shielded from everything unpleasant because she's a girl. She's a goddamn mercenary leader. I think she can take knowing these things - and it's better to let her know as it's found out so that she can adjust to the news properly, instead of springing it on her when it can't be concealed anymore, like what happened when the blood zombie showed up.

- On a completely different tangent, Wu Xie's neck dressing has stayed astonishingly clear for running around in a tomb, crawling through tight tunnels, falling off of ledges and being dramatically rescued, fighting bugs, and fainting all over floors.

- Wu Xie is so sweetly optimistic 

 - LOL, sure Pangzi, you're here for archeological study 

- ....Wu Xie, you are disturbingly knowledgeable about guns for a college student

- Now that I've read the first novel between having watched ep 5 and now, my mind is slightly reeling from how innocent and babie drama Wu Xie is compared to novel Wu Xie 

- Awww. Doesn't matter which Wu Xie it is, babie with gun always looks kinda adorable.

- Also, I appreciate Wu Xie's trigger discipline. So often shows have such terrible trigger discipline. 

- Oooh, it's like a carved thing on the dais that got his attention. I thought it was like a computer drive or something at first, because it looked kinda like that.

- OH NO, THE LIVING VINES ARE HERE AND SNEAKING UP ON THEM 

- ...and pushing the button made them retreat 

- ...phew? 

- I am still concerned 

- The music signifies that something creepy is coming 

- lol, babie. Looking so innocent even though He Knows What He Did

- I don't know what that sound is, but that's not a good sound 

- ...earthquake? That's a bad thing to happen when you're in the middle of an evil cave. 

- WU FAMILY, WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONES TRYING TO STAY ON YOUR FEET WITHOUT HOLDING ONTO ANYTHING?! 

- So fucking stubborn

- This is where Wu Xie gets it from, if Erbai is wondering 

- A-Ning is the smartest one, staying sitting down 

- The tree opens up like a fucking security vault and ejects a coffin. Because of course if fucking does. 

- Oooh, yeah, that's that shot from the opening credits 

- "I can't read any of this, but it says this is the guy we're looking for" 

- "His story recorded here is the same as what we know" WU XIE YOU JUST SAID YOU CAN'T READ IT

- Come on. Earlier in the show you said "yes I can read this" and read it. And in the novel, you puzzle it out from being able to read bits. This part, you flat out said he couldn't read it, and now are telling everyone what it says 

 - I love continuity, but dramas really don't

- The music now is similar enough to the Harry Potter music that I almost expect an owl to go flying past 

- The owner of a coffin wanting the coffin to be opened hundreds or thousands of years later seems like it should be something more worrying than how everyone is reacting

- I wanna know how Sanshu knows the coffin has been there for 3000 years. Wu Xie can't read the dates on it, and the Warring States Period was 1500 years ago, not 3000 

- JESUS CHRIST, SANSHU, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SENSIBLE ONE!

- Why are you suggesting you open the chained shut coffin in order to see if there's somehow something alive (or alive-ish) in there? 

- Awwww! Wu Xie going "no, don't do that, Pokerface told us not to touch anything"

- Like. Not, "no uncle, that seems like a bad idea" 

- But "Xiaoge told us not to, and we should do what he says" 

- I have the feeling that if this Pangzi is agreeing with something, then you all should not be doing that thing. Because this version of Pangzi is an idiot

- HOW THE FUCK IS THE MOVING COFFIN GOING TO SECRETLY HAVE THE EXIT INSIDE IT, PANGZI 

- THAT MAKES THE LEAST SENSE OUT OF EVERYTHING SO FAR 

- Pan Zi's "WTF do you think you're doing" look

- This Pangzi is so bad 

- I even like Chengcheng better than him. And I wish they had taken her into the tomb and used her as bait. 

- I'm glad he's better in other adaptations. Like, I love the Pangzi in Chongqi. I am so glad that he was my intro to Pangzi, not this one

- DON'T MAKE THE BABIE SAD BY BEING DUMB

- A-Ning really should not be just standing there with her leg injury. I've had a muscle biopsy before where they took it from the thigh, which is a similar 'injury' to what she's got, and you do not get on your feet unless you absolutely have to for days afterwards.

- At least they have her limp when she's walking, and it's kinda sad that I'm glad they do that! 

- And Pan Zi should not be doing hard physical labour with a fucking gut wound

- But I think I'm more annoyed by A-Ning, because I have personal experience with her kind of injury so know first-hand what kind of pain she's causing herself by standing and walking 

- HUMAN BRAIN LOGIC GO

- Pangzi you fucking dick, just standing there watching. You should be pushing instead of Pan Zi 

- Hahahah, after all his shittalk and boasting, and he can't do it 

- Oh, there, finally

- I know that inside lid is supposed to be jade, but it looks so terribly fake. Oh my god. It's awful 

- It looks like a bad Photoshop of one of those Windows 98 default backgrounds

- I love the looks everyone gives Pangzi every time he slips up and talks about getting money from the stuff in the tomb 

- LOL, that's not a carving, that's a couple of translucent green plastic discs stuck on top of Windows Background Photoshop cover

- ...I'm kinda waiting for someone to suddenly shout BOO! really loudly while they're all carefully trying to listen for any sounds in the coffin

- They're almost at the end of the first novel in terms of plot, and there's still 4 and a half eps to go

- Wow, I think that's the first time I've seen Sanshu actually worried 

- lol, and now Pangzi says he believes him, rather than get his ear that close to the coffin himself 

- PANGZI DON'T STARTLE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR FINGER ON THE TRIGGER OF A GUN & DEFINITELY DON'T SMACK THE GUN

- Wu Xie has a lot of control to have not accidentally shot right then

- LOL, after all their declarations how they're archaeologists, not tomb robbers, & how they're here to protect cultural artefacts from robbers, etc - they go make references to the northern and southern schools of tomb raiding

- Just without actually saying exactly what the 'Southern School' being referred to actually is. 

- ....and now Pangzi jumps in front of the pointed gun as he grabs it. Do you have a fucking death wish, dude? 

 - And now we see the infamous bronze armour! Jade armour. Whatever

- You'd think they'd have learned to fucking take all of A-Ning's guns away from her after last time she held one of them at gunpoint 

- OMG, the face on the helmet is so fucking ridiculous, I can't - It's not even properly positioned over his face

- Aaaaah, Sanshu called him tianzhen  I'm so happy at being able to identify that word now it's ridiclous 

- That...that is not what peeled skin looks like 

- Pangzi comes right out and admits he's a tomb robber 

- And for the first time, no-one calls him on it

- Or correct him for calling them tomb robbers 

- Ah, there you are, Xiaoge. I was wondering how long it would take for you to be back 

- I see looking for people in a tomb requires no shirt XD

- Better shots of shirtless Xiaoge

- Like, same, Wu Xie. Same.

- Look, I have two braincells, and one is for Xiaoge and one is for pingxie

- YOU ACTING LIKE THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS, PANGZI

 - Oooh, this is a goood shot of the tattoo. And of who the tattoo is on

- I don't have a Xiaoge problem. It's the opposite of a problem.

- Seriously, Pangzi is so fucking lucky that Xiaoge didn't kill him a dozen times over during their first meetings here

- Also, now that Xiaoge has explained why he threw a knife at Pangzi, I believe it's time to update the Xiaoge Rescue Count to 9 for Wu Xie, 13 for the protagonists, 14 for everyone.

- Although maybe I should have also been keeping a People Eyerolling At Pangzi Count given how often it's been happening

- More Xiaoge pics, feat. emotions that are not 'worrying about Wu Xie'

- Also, did he throw the corpse off the platform after he broke it's neck, or did it yeet itself off somehow? 

- I mean, I too wanna know how Xiaoge knows all this stuff if this was all put here 3000 years ago

- I do love that Wu Xie is already about the only person who Xiaoge will actually look at instead of staring down or straight ahead

- LOL, Wu Xie won't even let Pangzi so much as touch this. 

- I honestly appreciate that Xiaoge appears to travel lightly enough that he doesn't have a spare shirt

- EVERYTHING makes Wu Xie better than everyone else (except Xiaoge), Pangzi

- lol, Sanshu, yes. You tell him. 

- Hahahah, and Wu Xie playing along with Sanshu, the little adorable shit 

 - THE LOOK ON HIS FACE 

- KJFDHKJDAFHFKASDJHFKJASDLHGFSKLJ 

- AND DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE THAT SMIRK, WU XIE 

- There is absolutely not enough of little shit!Wu Xie in S1

- Loooool, his little nod at Sanshu now that they got their way and made Pangzi promise to stfu for the time being 

- And that is the first time I've seen that style of carriage roll like a car 

- Those skull ballistae were a cool aesthetic, though

- THAT CARRIAGE WAS ROLLING LIKE A FUCKING CAR, HOW IS IT BACK UPRIGHT AND ROLLING ALONG THE GROUND TO THE CLIFF 

- HOW TF IS IT ROLLING ANYWHERE WITH A SMASHED WHEEL 

- HOW TF IS HE ABLE TO HOLD IT FOR EVEN A SECOND, ESPECIALLY WITH ONE HAND

- A thin as fuck flagpole is going to give you jack shit in terms of something to brace with when it comes to that much weight 

- THE SCRIPTWRITER OF THIS SCENE IS BAD AND SHOULD FEEL BAD 

- *cries in physics minor*

- I can suspend disbelief for aliens, zombies, everything about Xiaoge, logic holes, and plot pits. Apparently my line is a non-cultivator breaking the laws of physics. 

- Aaaah, here come the zombies 

- So this dude is not the zombie dude 

- He is the emperor, I think?

- OH MY GOD THAT GREENSCREEN IS JUST THE WORST 

- I thought the one on the river was bad. The one of her falling as he dives off the cliff to save her is actively painful 

- Oh, now it looks like we're gonna have a dumb love triangle in the flashback. Yay. *waves tiny flag*

- Bitch, be a bit more grateful. Yes, your ex-lover caught you as you were falling & did so by basically flying, but that's just standard wuxia defiance of physics. Your husband held a FUCKING CARRIAGE with ONE HAND for AT LEAST TWO WHOLE MINUTES to keep you alive before your ex finally showed up

- "Were you really frightened?" Your majesty, what kind of a stupid question is that? 

- The emperor's armour is really pretty, I gotta say 

- Uuuugh, this stupid love story hurts in a bad way 

- I'm just gonna fast forward through it 

- ...and there's the end of the episode.

- That love triangle is going to make me scream, I know it 

- But that does explain how they're going to pad out the episodes a bit more with how far through the plot they are already 

- None of them are even really that pretty to make up for the boring, trite, love triangle plot

- How do they expect to keep my attention through it if I don't even have eye candy?!?! 

- I will be seriously headdesking if this flashback goes on for more than the next ep! 

- Oh well, there we are. The end of ep 6

The Xiaoge Rescue Count at the end of ep 6 stands at 9 for Wu Xie, 13 for the protagonists, 14 for everyone. 

[cas-kingdom]

And Then There Were Two

A/N: Will never stop posting sweet Tommy and sister fluff ;) Enjoy!

Just so you know, ‘Aoife’ is pronounced ‘Ee-fa’. Yes, I know. That’s Ireland, for you! 

Find the OC version of this fic here.

Title: And Then There Were Two

Summary: Tommy buys you your first horse.

Words: 1906

“Would you come down to the stables with me for a moment?”

You glanced up as Tommy walked into the kitchen, coat and hat on, cigarette planted firmly between his lips. His blue eyes locked onto your tired body, slumped against the cool window on the ledge underneath it, and he rose an eyebrow questioningly.

“I’m reading,” you replied, lifting the open book in your hands slightly to show your brother, and his eyebrow rose even higher as he took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew a puff of smoke. He leaned on one of the chairs tucked under the kitchen table and crossed one ankle over the other.

“You’ve never once picked up a book until this day, Y/N Shelby. You’re coming. Get up.” He nodded his head towards you, and you rolled your eyes, marking your page and closing the book.

“Yeah, well, this is Sherlock Holmes, and it’s interesting. Michael got it for me and they’re much better than your silly stories.”

Tommy chuckled, watching as you stood to your feet and threw your book on the ledge you’d lined with cushions and what looked to be about two of the thick coats he‘d had hanging up in his old room. “My silly stories, hm? They’re mainly detective stories, just like your Sherlock Holmes, you’ve just never bothered to read them. Come on, let’s move.” He reached an arm out and you grabbed up one of his coats before wrapping it around your shoulders – it was way too big for you to wear normally – and sluggishly walking over to him. He draped an arm around you and the two of you moved out of the house and made your way down the street to the stables.

“Why are we going to the stables?”

“I’ve got to speak to Curly.”

“And I have to come because…?” You frowned, yelping as you tripped over a rock and shoving your brother when he attempted to disguise a laugh with a cough.

“Because nobody’s home to look after you,” he said, pulling you against his side once again.

“Uh, Arthur was literally right in the next room-”

“No, come on. Can’t keep Curly waiting.” The two of you reached the stables and he removed his arm from around your shoulders, gently pushing you through the stable doors.

“Tom!”

“Stop whining and get your ass indoors.” He shook his head as you spun around and stuck your tongue out childishly, watching you make a turn towards his own horses at the bottom of the stables while he moved in the opposite direction. “Curly? Where are you, man?” He brought his cigarette to his lips again and stuffed his other hand in the pocket of his coat. He continued walking, stopping at the end of the stables and calling for Curly once more.

“Oh, here, Mister Tommy, Sir! Here!” Tommy stood up straight as Curly appeared suddenly from behind a stall door and quickly opened it, stepping out to stand in front of him. He clasped his hands together and turned his head to nod behind him. “I was- was grooming the horse, Tommy!”

Tommy nodded. “Right, that’s fine, Curly. Do you have my-”

“Your present! Yes, yes, I have your present, Tommy!”

The Shelby nodded with a small smile as Curly turned excitedly and moved to the stall next to the one he’d just been in. “Let me see her,” he said, throwing his cigarette to the floor and stamping it out. He sniffed and stepped forward, watching with sharp eyes as Curly slowly reappeared outside the stall, muttering quietly and leading what Tommy believed to be the prettiest little foal he’d ever set eyes on. She had dark, stormy eyes set against silver skin that shone in the candlelight of the stables. Her ears were long and pointed forward, standing atop a small face, a long neck, and a beautiful dappled body that would win her prizes when she grew older. Her legs were long, and even at her age she walked with an air of grace and complete pride.

Curly brought her over to him, and he leaned down once she was close enough. “Hello, beautiful,” he said quietly, running a hand down the filly’s sturdy neck and patting her back. She whinnied, and he chuckled. “Aren’t you a pretty little girl, hm?”

“Is she like you remembered, Sir?” Curly asked with a grin, stroking his hand along the top of the foal’s head and gently fingering the wispy strands of forelock that were beginning to grow.

Tommy nodded, roaming his eyes over the little girl and mentally checking boxes on his list before standing straight once again and stepping back. “Yep,” he said. “Yeah, she is.” He turned his head. “Y/N, come and see this!” He kept his eyes on the foal, who was keeping remarkably still and silent for someone her age. She was a lanky thing, but he’d bought her from a man who only bred show and race horses, so she’d grow to be something special if he went about the right way of training her. Nevertheless, for her to be brought up as a simple riding horse would not be an idea he’d be opposed to, should his owner want it.

“See what?” He sniffed as you rounded the corner, stepping back slightly to reveal the little thing stood in front of him. As expected, your eyes widened in surprise, and you glanced briefly at your brother before slowly moving forward. “Oh, she’s so cute,” you said in slight awe, smiling up at Curly as you reached the foal. You were very gentle, something Tommy always found to be quite endearing. For a member of the Shelby family, you certainly lacked in some personality aspects. It definitely proved to be useful in times like these.

Tommy nodded, stepping forward and motioning for Curly to hand him the foal’s lead rain attached to her rope halter. “Nice colour, isn’t she? Beautiful. Going to be a handsome mare, she is.”

You nodded, laughing as the baby nudged your hand with her muzzle and whinnied, throwing her little head and making her small wisps of mane fly about her like grey waves. “What’s her name?”

The man shrugged, hearing Curly return to his bustling about in the stall behind the two of you. “Doesn’t have one yet. I was thinking maybe Stella… or Alice.”

He rose an eyebrow when you made a face. “Mhm, no. They don’t suit her.”

“Alright, Miss,” Tommy said, the smile evident in his voice, “what do you think suits her?”

“Aoife.”

The man looked at you. “That was quick.”

“I’ve always wanted a horse named Aoife,” you said quietly, letting the foal nudge at your hand yet again.

Tommy nodded thoughtfully. “Irish. Means ‘beauty’.”

“Yeah, but it fits, doesn’t it? She’s a little vision.”

“She is.” He paused for a moment before reaching his arm out, lead rein in hand. “Aoife it is, then. Look after her.”

You lifted your eyes from the foal’s mesmerising little face to look at Tommy, seeing no change in his expression other than that added bit of sparkle in the blues of those eyes of his. You glanced briefly at his hand, mere inches from you, holding out the lead rein and clearly waiting for you to take it, before looking back up at his face. “What?”

“Take it. She’s yours, Y/N.”

You were at a loss for words. “My- my horse?”

Tommy couldn’t even roll his eyes at your speechlessness; he was finding it all rather sweet. He briskly licked his lips before reaching for your hand and placing the end of the lead rein in it, closing your hand over and placing his own larger one on top. “Yes, your horse,” he said. “What else? Me and your brothers thought it time you have one for yourself.”

He watched as you shook your head. “But- but Finn doesn’t even have a horse.”

“Finn doesn’t need one. Finn doesn’t want one. He’s fine with his guns and whatever else boys his age do for entertainment. If he ever wants a horse, I think we’d have to start him with a goldfish first and see how long he can keep that alive before we move him onto something bigger. You, however, have always taken a shining to these animals.” He withdrew his hand and smiled as you stared at the lead rein for a moment. It was a wonder how you believed everything you got given had to be something Finn already possessed. “Now, Aoife here was bred to be a racing horse, but I want you to raise her as you wish. If you want to show her, she’ll be a show horse. If you want to race her, we’ll train her up to be the best there is. Or, if you want to bring her up as nothing but your horse and ride her around Birmingham like the little horsewoman you are, then do it. She’s yours, now, Y/N. Curly’ll be here to feed her and vet her and whatever else, but she’s yours to look after and do with as you will.” He stopped for a moment, regarding the huge grin on your lips and the sparkle in your bright eyes with a happiness he hadn’t felt in a long time, before continuing. “She’s our present to you, little one, me and your brothers’. We felt you deserved one.”

He was only slightly prepared for the impact as you threw yourself into his arms, still hanging onto Aoife’s lead rein. The foal fidgeted a bit at the sudden movement, but Tommy was able to reach a hand out to calm her down while still having one arm wrapped around you. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” you all but squealed, and your brother chuckled between a face full of your hair. He softly kissed your temple before letting you down.

“Alright, enough,” he said, smile showing his pearly teeth. “Go with Curly and he’ll show you where she’ll be sleeping. I think we agreed she’d be put next to Charity, is that right, Curly?”

“Yep, Tommy! Charity will be a good mother, she will! She’ll look after baby Aoife!”

The Shelby nodded his thanks to the stable man and gently nudged you towards him. He reached for a cigarette from his coat pocket and lit it, sticking it in his mouth as he watched you slowly walk your new friend over to Curly.

A fifteen-year-old girl and a four-month-old filly. The truth was, Aoife’s mother had died during labour, and the owner had slowly begun to lose patience in bottle feeding her. Tommy was sure he’d have had her put down if he hadn’t bought her. What a waste it would have been.

Your life could be remarkably boring. Even living as a Shelby, a young girl like you had no place in a world full of guns and money and death and gambling. Though he knew that, one day, you’d most definitely have a part to play in the family business, you still had time to spare until then. He had a feeling you’d be spending most of that time down at these stables from now on.

And so, as he walked towards you, Curly and the new member of the Shelby family, he could not help but think of how he’d saved two lives this day.

Peaky Masterpost

[sassy-socialist-sunday-school]

About this Blog

Hey there. I have had an idea for a long time, and it has only strengthened with time, that Christianity and religion more generally are a lot more socialist and forward thinking than many might suppose from the way their followers act. This is not to say that there are not outdated or problematic ideas within them, just that the piece of advice given by conservative religious figures to read your (insert holy book here) might not be the worst idea. As someone who was raised a Christian, educated in Christianity and still counts themself as a Christian I thought Christianity would be the place to start.

A bit of background on me. I am in my late 20s at the time of writing. I was born in Scotland and have lived there my whole life. I was raised in a Church of Scotland attending household, was baptized and attended till I was 11 or so. When I was 12 I started attending an evangelical church that started in my local town and throughout my teens was a creationist reasonably conservative Christian, though still questioning luckily. During these years I studied the bible hard and read it through multiple times. I listened to Christian rock music (and honestly still do, some of it is quite good, though a lot of what I listened to as a teen was not, but who can’t say that about their taste as a teenager), I helped at missions, I went to Christian summer camps, I was batized for a second time (this time by my own choice). I held a lot of beliefs that were sending me down a dangerous path. For example, my church homophobic. Not in the we should kill them all way, but in that condescending christian manner of love the sinner hate the sin, while they would commit a laundry list of other things listed as sin without really batting an eyelid. At the time I rationalized it. I knew gay people, they were in my class at school, I was good friends with one. They were just sinners like everyone else and just as deserving of Jesus’s forgivesness, but letting them get married, no way. This all really started to become a problem for me on a philosophical level when a friend of mine from church came out as gay. No one was actively hostile, but there was this sense of unease, of judgement. It didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t fully change my perspective until I felt that same judgement on me. This time it was over my playing Dungeons and Dragons of all things (Yes I am a nerd). They thought it was witchcraft and idolatry. I knew for a fact I was just playing make believe the way I always had, just this time with my friends. It took one of my church leaders recoiling from a copy of the 4th edition Player’s Handbook like Dracula from the cross to make me realise how ridiculous this was. And I understood. For me it was over a hobby, but for my friend it was who they were that was being rejected. Both of us were still tolerated as kicking us out would show up the church for what they were, but I can only imagine what they said to him based on what they said to my D&D group. “You can keep playing but don’t spread it to other members of the church”. Long story short I realised how close minded the church I went to was at long last. This made me question everything again, this time more closely. I didn’t lose my faith, but over the next few years I stopped believing in any kind of literal reading of the first few chapters of Genesis, I stopped going to church, I stopped having all of the really harmful ideas about my morality that had consumed me in my teenage years and filled me with self hatred. When I attended Uni to study Archaeology and Celtic Studies I learned about the strengths and weaknesses of ancient texts, especially ones coming from oral traditions. I learned a lot in uni and became much healthier and happier. I made lots of friends, read lots of books, fell in love, played lots of D&D and had lots of really good conversations. After uni I got a job in my field and got engaged, and theology took a bit of a backseat as I was busy working long hours of manual labour digging up castles and the like. A year into working I injured my back and had to change career. a few months later I got married. Within a year it had ended badly (Long story for another time, but if the person keeps trying to push getting engaged, marriage or having kids on you that is a red flag and you should have a good think about if the relationship is going where you want it to). I moved in with my parents, stayed there for a while then moved back out. My back injury which never fully healed got worse and I have spent most of the last year on extended sick leave. While already on the left for some time, during this period I shot sharply left. But I found my faith didn’t fit in that well in lefty circles, and I can see why, but I don’t think it has to be that way. Once again few people were actively hostile, but I felt that same judgement, real or imagined. This brings us to today. It is 5am ish, I wanted to go to sleep hours ago as I have things to do tomorrow but here I am creating a Tumblr page about how the bible can be socialist too. TLDR Raised Christian, jumped to the left, is making a blog instead of sleeping.

About this page My plan is to work through the bible, (I will use the King James version as I have been assured it is the most “accurate” to the original many times in my life and I have a love of ancient texts) and I will analyse each chapter and say which bits I would highlight, which bits I would keep and why, and which bits I think are problematic or are likely not the word of any God I would want to be associated with (Yes I know, heresy and all that. If you have a problem with people destroying the word of god take it up with Moses, he did break the literal words of God afterall and he seems to get a pass, I at least will be giving God the excuse of thousands of years of copying, being written down long after or people trying to justify themselves after they did something bad. You know, classic problems all ancient texts have from Plato to Beowulf). There may be chunks of the old testament I do in larger pieces simply because they are very dry and I won’t have that much new to say about the 5th time God tells Moses the exact measurements for his temple curtains (you think I am joking) but I will try and be thorough. I fully reserve the write to jump forward to when I have something interesting to say again or to whatever is of particular interest to me at the time. I may also cover other religions, philosophy or pop culture as and when I see something that catches my eye, but I will try and keep regular updates for our main progression though the Bible. I will always copy the full text I am studying at the start of the post and will give links to the online version I am using so you can check I am not changing anything it says prior to analysis. Also of note, Before making this page I looked up socialist sunday school briefly and there is a movement named this that from my brief read taught/teaches socialism to children in the UK. I am not associated with them but loved the name, hence why I will now try and be Sassy. I would have added student to the end of it as well, but I ran into Tumblr’s character limit for names. If you have any questions, or you wish to discuss a point with me feel free to post on my Questions and Counter Arguments section and I will try and answer, but no promises. If all you want to do is scream into the void I’d rather you did it on a mountaintop or something instead of doing it on my page, but I am sure someone will anyway.

I will try and get the first proper post up in the next few days. Till then everyone stay safe and get ready to have a crack at Genesis Chapter 1, there are obviously no problems here at all hahaha................

[littlemicrocosims]

need to vent about chocolate real quick

okay so some of you may know that I used to work for choccywoccydoodah (if you’ve heard of it, great, if you haven’t, i’m also not surprised). Choccy just went out of business and I just need to vent because all the news coverage (the few bbc articles etc there are anyway) are making me SO ANGRY so if you want chocolatey behind the scenes drama and what it was ACTUALLY like to be employed by christine taylor READ ON

The entire news coverage for this business going into administration is solely ‘oh what a shame this awesome creative business is gone! noone could have predicted it! such a shock we all loved it!” lIKE NO FUCK OFF IF YOU SPOKE TO A SINGLE PERSON THAT WORKED THERE YOU WOULD KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT A SURPRISE AT ALL. This has been coming for YEARS. This company has been driven into the ground by Christine Taylor and if you ever watched the TV show i’m sure you have a little understanding as to why that is.

When I worked at the company (for about a year between 2016 - 2017), I was told many things by the owners. It’s a million dollar company, she said. It’s international. We make MAGIC. And yes, to an extent, they did make magic. The two Christine’s founded the company in Brighton in 1994 and carved a niche for themselves. They made amazing cakes for amazing people and I was so, so thrilled to be a part of it. The TV show had already ceased filming by this point, of course, and whilst the show was still running in some countries (the company was inexplicably popular in the Netherlands, I came to realise) the popularity of the show within the UK was something akin to marmite... Either you love it, or... well, you’ve never heard of it. I always knew the company and its running was unconventional - no safety training for the amount of physical labour you had to do, an incredibly stressful work environment, always expected to work unpaid overtime, the list goes on - but I loved it anyway. My manager was an amazing woman (and still is!) and I was keen to learn and master what I could. This is when the cracks started to show. Christine and Christine would make plans - we want to promote you, but we can’t promote anyone unless they’ve worked here over a year, we want to open a third store, we’re going to launch a side business, here’s a range of more affordable cakes that we are going to sell - but somehow, nothing ever followed through. They could barely afford to run two shops (one in brighton, one in central london, where i worked), let alone even CONSIDER opening a third. Their marketing relied solely on the now outdated television show and they refused to upgrade with the times. They weren’t without help - younger members of the team had plenty of suggestions and contributions but they were never recognised or accepted. I managed to convince them to invest in snapchat geo-filters (as all customers did in the shop was record and take photos). Not a huge step, but a small one in the right direction. This was once they actually ALLOWED people to film - for months part of my job was telling people to put their phones away! Why make edible art if you can’t even share it!? Their social media ‘team’ consisted of some guy who used to bake the cakes and got promoted to Christine’s PA. He could barely even spell, let alone maintain a facebook, an instagram, a youtube... To put it bluntly, they knew fuck all about promoting their own company and got complacent in how successful they had once been.

To compensate for this, the company began raising prices. The impractical “chunky bars” rose in price in the time I was at the company from £12.99 to £14.99, while cakes for 10 servings jumped from £35.99 to £40+. Commissions that staff had got and were promised for another quarter for bespoke cake consultations disappeared with no warning. They began outsourcing more and more chocolate, reducing the cocoa content of the chocolate they DID create, and staff began leaving. I thought the high turnover was normal. If you’ve watched the show, you know that Dave made all the magic happen. Well, people like Dave started leaving. Once the two Christines decided they didn’t like a member of staff, they would quietly sit and gather evidence of the smallest infractions until they had enough to fire you or play hardball until you quit before they could pull the trigger. I saw this happen to many, many members of staff in my time there. Luckily, they always seemed to like me, but I have a feeling that if I’d stayed any longer the same would have happened to me. It happened to their own son, who they demoted from operations manager in favour of the london store manager. He got no say in this. They never gave the new operations manager the payrise for her promotion for the year plus that she held the position (until closing) and they regularly expected her to work 6/7 day weeks as they refused to replace staff that were leaving. She was expected to continue to manage the london branch as well as manager the operations for the entire company. She HAD to work these hours just to make sure there was a senior member of staff in the building. This was around the time I decided the stress and constant crying when I finished my shift every night was too much, and I made the very hard decision to leave despite not having anything else lined up. I was in a fortunate position of living with my parents and having a safety net. Not everyone else had that. 

Since I left the company, things only deteriorated further. The Carnaby Street store (just off oxford circus, in central london) was deemed too expensive to rent, and they moved to covent garden, to a location my former manager oh-so affectionately refers to as “crack alley”. It was unsafe and I’ve been told that staff closing up in the evenings would regularly have to ask for backup as they would feel at risk within the store. The size of the team started to dwindle (the whole company was 50+ strong over both stores and the studios when I was there, it was 20-30 when it shut and the london store alone had 6/7 members of staff). More members of staff left without replacements. Then the inevitable happened - Dave reduced his hours, with an intention to leave, leaving very few people in the studio able to actually make the cakes (which were often dry and poorly made as it was, people regularly found bits of plastic in the cafe cakes and the cafes never even got what they ordered in the first place). Being incredibly secretive about her processes, Christine had staff sign an NDA to know the ‘secret formula’ for the modelling chocolate. Like it’s a goddamn krabby patty. So when Dave began to move away and the other staff from the studio moved on as well, instead of training anyone new to make the cakes, Chris decided she would just... price people out of them. She’d long since abandoned any premise of making affordable versions of her cakes for weddings and raised the minimum price of a bespoke design from £450 to £2,500!!!! The one thing her company was well known for and she priced everyone out of it. Just because she’s made a few cakes for celebrities (I helped design one for Jack Whitehall while I was there, but other big names include Tinie Tempah, Johnny Depp, Kylie Minogue, Boy George, the Game of Thrones launch party....) she arrogantly believed that her entire clientele could afford this, when actually her entire clientele was children who loved the show and their hard working families. These people simply cannot afford £50 for a 10 portion cake, or £30 for a slice of cake and a drink in a cafe. £5 for an outsourced chocolate coin! £20 for a bar of chocolate! She was out of touch, and arrogant, and stubborn. Other companies do it better and cheaper and she refused to ever acknowledge her competition, let alone follow through on any plans to be better.

The staff who were made redundant were barely even informed. No notice. They were told they had to vacate the building and haven’t even been paid for their last week of work, while the Brighton store continued trading for nearly a week. Because the company hadn’t gone into administration yet, they aren’t even able to claim redundancy from the government. Couples who have paid an eye watering amount of money for bespoke wedding cakes are being left up shit creek without a paddle while Christine retires to her bloody house in france to lick her wounds.

Other thoughts:

- Doggymoggydoodah was a shit idea, and poorly executed. - I’ve never met such a homophobic lesbian. She forced the manager to leave the building so she could drill her about her sex life without the repercussions of having these conversations inside the building because she knew she could get done for it if she did. - She’s a bully, plain and simple - the youtube channel posted a video YESTERDAY. who the fuck is posting on there? there’s been no action in 6 months and NOW IS THE TIME TO TELL ME HOW TO CUT ONE OF YOUR CAKES? - my old assistant manager literally robbed the company of several thousand pounds because she knew that christine couldn’t be bothered to get her security cameras fixed :) they couldn’t even get the proof to fire/charge her and had to settle for bullying her out of the company - christine would make us tell customers that we melted down display pieces to reduce waste but actually we just broke them down with a hammer and threw them in the bin. enjoy looking at that luxury easter egg knowing i literally stomped on it so it would fit in a binbag - that glitter on the cakes is not edible. it’s just non-toxic. - the chocolate they use for the modelling tastes vile. - the london stores had biiiiig rat/mice problems. We had to kill them ourselves! We trapped them in glue traps and stamped on them! I GOT PAID FOR THAT! - the brighton store was filthy and gross behind the scenes! If you’ve ever eaten in that cafe then I am sorry but the staff there didn’t like to clean :)  - that whole burlesque vibe isn’t child friendly, stop trying to combine the two, a cartoon drawing of your naked ass doesn’t belong in a cookery book you narcissistic twat!! - your chocolate is impractical and horrific to actually try and eat. there. I said it. it tasted good though. until you discontinued all my favs :(

THIS IS NOT A SURPRISE. THIS IS NOT A SHOCK. THIS BUSINESS HAS BEEN POORLY RUN AND UNABLE TO ADAPT FROM THE GET GO. Please don’t keep feeding this woman’s ego. She needs a sharp dose of reality and to face up to all the staff that she has let down. I was lucky to get out when I did but I know single mothers, people trying to afford to live in london who are now completely screwed over and out of a job. People who have given their lives to this dysfunctional company. I begged them to leave because I felt like this was going to happen but they were too loyal and devoted, and wanted it to turn around. My former boss is owed nearly £5k that she’s never going to get, and all those customers who put deposits down or heaven forbid paid the full balance on their cakes are without refunds AND cakes! Just please stop idolising Christine Taylor and look at the situation before you say how shocking and sad it is. 

Yes, this company was magical. But that ended a long time ago.

[avicebro]

The Dioscuri

OK hello everyone today we’re gonna talk about my namesake: Pollux.

Or more specifically, we’re gonna talk about the Pollux and Castor, or as they’re known, the Dioskouroi.

Their Birth

There are a couple of things that need to happen for a Greek Hero to be considered a ‘hero’. First, they need to be a demi-god. Secondly, they have to be a son (so even though Helen is a demi-goddess, she isn’t a hero – sorry honey). And third, they need to have an interesting story surrounding their birth. And boy is theirs a little weird.

So, back in Ancient Greece, during the times of Bronze Age kings, there was a beautiful queen named Leda. She’s happily married to King Tyndareus, the king of Sparta (aka why Helen is sometimes referred to as Helen of Sparta).

One day, she’s down bathing, as you do, and Zeus up in the heavens spots her. As the #1 baby daddy of Ancient Greece, he thinks, yeah, I wanna fuck this woman. But how to do it? As we’ve seen before, Zeus likes to fuck in style (raining down in gold coins, carrying them away on a bull, etc.), so he decides that the way he’s gonna fuck Leda is as a swan.

Yes, a swan.

Somehow Leda is seduced by an actual fucking swan and so they have sex. Side note, this is a very prominent theme in Roman art. I guess the Romans liked making art of swan-fucking. I don’t know.

Then, later on that day, Leda returns to King Tyndareus and fucks him too. How lovely. And as divine seed must take root, Leda becomes pregnant.

When she finally gives birth, she lays 2 eggs. Out of these eggs springs the four children: Helen, Polydeuces, Clytemnestra and Castor.

There are variants on the next part but bear with me: out of the 4 kids that Leda gives birth to, which ones are immortal and which ones are mortal are debated.

For the sisters, it’s pretty much known that Helen is the daughter of Zeus, and that is why she is the most beautiful woman on Earth. Whether or not Clytemnestra is the daughter of Zeus or Tyndareus is questioned, but since Clytemnestra is known as being the ‘attractive, but not as much as Helen’ sister, I like to think that she’s Tyndareus’ daughter.

For the Dioscuri, it can either be that both of them are mortal, or one of them is immortal. If one is immortal, then it is always Pollux, with Castor being the mortal one. This suggests that Pollux is the son of Zeus, while Castor was the son of Tyndareus.

In art, if you see them with those skull-caps, it’s because it’s supposed to hark back to the fact that they were born from an egg.

Also, just a tidbit: Castor means, “to excel, to shine”, while Pollux means “too sweet.”

Theseus is an asshole: part 3

This might be rude but I despise Theseus and he deserves hate.

So, Pollux and Castor grow up, doing a bunch of cool shit. They participate in the hunt of the Calydonian boar (the event Atalante wins). Eventually, like Atalante, they join the Argo and do a bunch of cool shit there too. The most important tidbit for those two during that time is that Pollux wins a boxing competition, which solidifies him as the patron of boxing. When Jason and the Argonauts return to Jason’s home, they help him destroy the city as well. Thanks, guys.

But I dislike Theseus so we’re gonna spend more time talking about one of the hundreds of reasons why you should hate him.

So, by this point Theseus has successfully survived the yearly Cretan “Sacrifice an Athenian to the Minotaur” event, deserted the woman he promised he would marry on an island, and made his father commit suicide. Oh, and he did 6 labours too because hey everyone’s gotta be a reference to Heracles.

(Yeah, Theseus is an asshole).

So now, bored as fuck, Theseus decides that he and his buddy, Pirithous, should pick some brides for themselves. Theseus and Pirithous have done basically a bunch of dick-measuring contests by this point so they’re best friends and what better way to pass some time than steal some girls. And since they are sons of Poseidon and Zeus respectively, they decide, yeah, we’re gonna marry daughters of Zeus.

So, Theseus decides that he wants to marry Helen.

Now this is where the timeline is a little messed up because both Theseus and Pirithous were part of the hunt for the Calydonian boar, and some sources would suggest that he was part of the Argonauts, but this doesn’t fit well with another myth of Medea and Theseus, so we’re just going to ignore the time/age logistics.

The problem with Theseus abducting Helen is that she was… a little too young.

Yeah Theseus abducts her when she’s like a young teenager. Since she was too young to marry, Theseus leaves her with his mom while he goes with Pirithous to abduct the woman he’s chosen to be his wife: Persephone.

(That one doesn’t go very well either)

Pollux and Castor learn that their sister has been stolen so they travel to Athens to beat Theseus up but he’s already gone so they just invade the kingdom and steal Theseus’ mom instead (don’t worry she gets returned after the Trojan War). They take Helen and Theseus’ mom and head back to Sparta.

This would not be the end of the Dioscuri and their women stealing ways.

Their Death

Sadly, the most well-known myth of the Dioscuri in Greek Myths is their death. So, let’s talk about that.

Pollux and Castor fall in love with Phoebe and Hilaeria, also known as the Leucippides. Unfortunately, they had already been betrothed to Pollux and Castor’s cousins, Lynceus and Idas. Since that’s supposedly how you get a bride in ancient Greece, the twins abduct the Leucippides and bring them back to Sparta.

This does not go well for them.

Lynceus and Idas decide, in revenge, to go to the Dioscuri’s cattle herd and steal them.

(Glad to see that cattle = your brides dude).

Eventually, the Dioscuri go to their cousin’s place with Helen to party. They decide that this is the perfect time to steal back their cattle and slip out. This leaves Helen to start talking to a dashing young man named Paris.

(so yeah, if the cousins hadn’t been fighting over cattle and women, maybe the trojan war wouldn’t have even happened lol)

The cousins dip out of the party and start heading back to their home. Lynceus, “the lynx”, spots Castor, who had been hiding in a tree as Pollux worked on freeing the cattle, and gets super fucking pissed, as you do. First their brides, now the cattle you had stolen from them in revenge?

Idas sneak attacks Castor, somehow, and fatally wounds him. Pollux, as he is some variant of immortal in this version, quickly makes work of Lynceus. As Idas is about to kill him, daddy Zeus from Mt. Olympus hits him with a lightning bolt, saving Pollux.

(couldn’t have helped Castor. I see)

He rushes back to his dying brother’s side, cradling him in his arms, and pleading to Zeus. As dad was still watching, he gives Pollux the option:

You can either be a sick god with me here on Olympus, or you can share your immortality with Castor.

As they’re tight af, Pollux chooses to share his immortality with his twin. Zeus brings them to the skies, making them a constellation – also known as Gemini, the twins.

(They’re also in the Elysian field? Who knows. Also, Homer says they’re dead in the Iliad but they’re alive in the Odyssey? Homer please.)

The Role of the Dioscuri

As I’ve mentioned above, both twins were known for boxing. They became the patrons of boxing, and thus of athletes and athletic events.

As they were Argonauts, they were also tied to sailing, and they were known for being strong horsemen.

They were from Sparta, where they were idolized as well. As you may know, Ares was the patron god of Sparta, but he wasn’t really, well, liked? So, The Dioscuri were almost elevated to the role of gods there, as they represented the Dual Kings system in Sparta. They have a shrine there, as well as in Athens. They were the creators of war dances and offerings would be given to them.

The pear tree, along with two cross posts with a bar, were used to represent them. Anything with twins? Probably the Dioscuri. They’re known as being blondes with fair skin and being strong built.

Now if you think they were important in Greece?

Rome and How They Really Liked the Dioscuri

I have no idea why the Romans liked the Dioscuri so much. It seems to be just something the southern Romans really liked it a lot? Some suggest that it could be due to a ritual where if a town is defeated, the winners must take their gods? We aren’t so sure.

Anyways, so Rome, when picking what parts of Greek Myth it wanted to keep, really latched onto the Dioscuri, and a la Ovid, made their own tweaks to it.

A temple to Pollux and Castor was built into the Roman forum in Lavinium, in thanks for a victory.

According to the Romans, Pollux and Castor would be in the front of the army, leading them to victory. This makes sense, as Romans were a lot more horse people than the Greeks, and their role as horsemen really does fit a lot better amongst the Romans than the Greeks, who associated horse riding with savages.

Every year on July 15, Romans would hold the Dioskouroi, an event where 1,800 horses were paraded in honour of the twins. The horses would be fully decorated, too.

(Another fun fact: in Roman plays, women would swear to Castor, while the men would swear to Pollux).

Some other random things

In the Percy Jackson books the two sons of Dionysus are named Castor and Pollux. Like the myths, Castor dies.

There is some evidence to suggest that the twins were taken and changed to James son of Zebedee and his brother John in the Bible. Whether or not this is true is up to interpretation. Other saints took over the roles that Pollux and Castor have in Greece and Rome.

The “heavenly twins” trope appears in other Indo-European cycles, like Vedic brother-horsemen the Ashvins, the Lithuanian Ašvieniai, and the Germanic Alcis (which I know nothing about but have fun reading about them!)

[sacriilegious]

Oven Repairs

What are the vital elements whilst deciding on the  Engagement Rings Perth quality repairer to your oven or stove?

The following list ought to be an excellent start:

Do you need an electrician or gasoline more fit? Does the technician have the proper certification? Does the organisation have the proper Licenses i.E. Electrical contractors license? What are their expenses? What Brands do they provider? How do their warranties compare? Do they've the rights components on board? Are they members of a height body affiliation? Do they've posted guidelines and procedures? Well, appears simple enough, or as a minimum in case you study enough blogs and many others. You'll discover many versions on the above listing pointing out their method/listing/hints are the panacea for your catch 22 situation; a way to pick the proper repairer!

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So what can you do this is short and clean whilst still enhancing your possibilities of having a great repairer? If you do not have time to read the entire article, you may bounce to the precis on the quit of the thing, meanwhile the advice I can provide in a single sentence is  things: Remember a) most foremost appliance repairers will let you know what you need to pay attention, and b) you most effective get what you pay for... If you're lucky!

However, If you are inquisitive about the scenic model, excellent, we will revisit some of the bullet factors above and hopefully nice song to your bull-dust radar.

Q. Does the technician have the right certification?

A. Yes Remember most will inform you what you need to pay attention. But the actual answer lies in a prolonged dialogue. For instance; is your appliance electric or fuel. Then we need to decide if the trouble is electrical or fuel. Most gasoline ovens or stoves have electrical structures inside them, which, if the oven or range is hardwired, requires a registered electrician to perform the restore. If the oven or stove has an electrical fault and the unit is not tough stressed out, then the chances are the average refrigeration mechanic can undertake the repair legitimately. But and isn't always there constantly a however, how do  if the unit is hardwired? And how do you already know if the unit has an electrical or gasoline fault. Most clients won't know! The purpose those clever lists are frequently no longer all that helpful is which you don't have any way of understanding if the repairer has informed a white lie or no longer. In reality, they do not either. They want to peer the process earlier than making that judgement. And right here is the motive they instructed you what you want to pay attention; because most will collect a minimum payment at the first visit no matter whether they could complete the repair or now not. The greater expert repairer will tell you who you want to call, however for them, the payoff has already been executed; that being fee for the primary visit.

Q. What are your charges?

A. Various. Many will nation a name out price, plus a price. Most call out charges consist of some maximum time limit i.E. 1/four or half of an hour. Some will qualify a hard and fast price. Many will exclude the GST. But you, being a switched on man or woman, googled for a repairer that doesn't charge a call out fee. Well, earlier than you pat yourself at the returned too tough, ensure you ask "what the minimum price will be". Many repairers are responding to the pressures of what we check with as the "Deal Shoppers" who ring around city and evaluate fees and pick the most inexpensive price. Those who ebook a name with the cheapest deal rarely end up getting the excellent restore. And if they do get a cheap process, there are typically accurate reasons underpinning that capacity, i.E. Reducing corners, fitting reasonably-priced or 2d hand components, now not paying insurances, not paying accurate wages, now not the use of qualified tradespeople, not being careful to refit covers and alike with all their screws and protection harnesses and the list is going on. Remember, you simplest get what you pay for.

Q. What brands do they provider?

A. Your brand! - Because it is what you want to hear! Most will let you know they could provider your brand, and for the most part it's genuine. On the alternative stop of the scale are the emblem particular repairers who're typically pleased with the manufacturers they provider as it displays their fame within the enterprise. They keep it out like a badge of honour and will inform toot candy in the event that they do not carrier your brand. Specialists will bring extra components for a given emblem, so their probabilities of completing a task at some point of the first visit is higher than someone who upkeep the whole lot and anything. The compromise for brand particular repairer is the list of home equipment that emblem covers i.E. Ovens, stoves, washing machines, dishwashers, range-hoods, microwaves, dryers and others. Which approach the gap for oven or stove parts compete with pumps, and vehicles and seals and timers of the opposite appliances. Look for the repairer who specialises to your emblem oven or stove.

Q. What is your assurance?

A. One year! Or at the least that is the maximum probable solution, because it's what you need to listen. But that is a complicated piece of client legislation. There are two aspects of warranty, labour and substances. The ordinary warranty for Labour is 3 months. Both of which the court will throw out the window if it is a rely before them. But these periods function an inexpensive manual. The trap is in the judgement. If a repairer has to go back to a task to repair a don't forget, how do you decide if the paintings that become finished is the reason or if the motive is a extraordinary fault altogether. There is a better than accurate danger the latter is the case. Those organizations that offer longer warranties know that the probabilities they will must cover the price of upkeep under the terms of guarantee are very low. In truth, it has the brought benefit of appearing like a loyalty program. If the warranty extends to say 5 years or 10 years or maybe an entire life warranty do not forget you're unlikely so that it will judge if the warranty fault is what was formerly repaired. So, during the prolonged guarantee you may call the warranting business enterprise first within the faulty belief the paintings may be completed without spending a dime, that's authentic for very few, if any of those go back visits. Remember, if it appears too suitable to be proper... It likely is.

Q. Do they have got the right elements on board?

A. Yes - Because it's what you need to hear! Service cars have limited area, as such high turnover/excessive income parts constitute the largest quantity held. Repairers frequently qualify the component(s) are commonly held in stock. But that does not suggest it is inside the van that is distinct in your task. No restore agency doing foremost appliance provider paintings is able to preserve an correct up to date van inventory. Which way more likely than no longer, staff taking the reserving haven't any concept what's within the van. Stock held inside the van is best one trouble, the second one is the pleasant of the element. Elements, thermostats, hinges, door seals, etc. Are not made by the logo producer. Elements as an example are made by means of dozens of producers, but they commonly most effective make factors. Brand manufacturers buy their factors from the more legit suppliers, difficulty to a settlement. However those same factors also are made through replica producers. Some are exact best, a few are doubtful. But the distinction is the charge. Cheaper factors may be sold for as much as 50% inexpensive than the better excellent elements.

Q. Is the repairer a member of an Association.

A. Yes - you guessed it, because that's what you want to hear. Electricians are regularly members of NECA the National Electrical Contractors Association. The query is, how does that assist you qualify the repairer is a bonafide, first-rate operator? Simple, it doesn't! This institution are honestly approximately electric contractors who cord building - huge and small. AIA Appliance Industry Australia is probably the primary applicable association. Sadly in South Australia on the way to limit you to one repairer, Electrolux. My enjoy is that the Major Appliance Repair industry is simply too small to aid the actual work essential to validate a repairer as a bona fide high-quality operator. Just because the repairer is a member of an association doesn't suggest they'll be held to a better wellknown of restore.

Q. Do they've published coverage and technique.

A. Hopefully yes, however much more likely no. However, this is a valid method of improving your chances of getting a quality repairer. But absolutely who desires to or has time to read a businesses coverage and system earlier than creating a booking. No one. And then there may be usually the probability that the written files, if they may be made to be had are marketing tools instead of the method and method via which the repairer operates. Having get admission to to a repairers coverage and system is beneficial, however best if a) you have time to study and understand them and b) if you could verify they conform to them.

SUMMARY

If you cannot be stricken analyzing the lengthy model above, here's the abbreviated version.

Make certain you qualify the minimum payable fee at the outset. No call out charge, does not suggest "Free".

Fixed fee maintenance is a valid gain for simple repairs. Because those repairers need to finish the work within a restricted time period and visits to remain profitable. They commonly restriction their time to 1/2 an hour on the first activity. Generally they do not adopt complicated diagnostics or repairs.

When engaging a repairer who qualifies "Free quotes" make certain the quote is obligation free and that your equipment remains for your care. Most repairers who provide unfastened quotes recoup their quotation fees via a margin constructed into the repair paintings. However, if you do not proceed with the upkeep, a charge is normally forth coming.

Ask if there is extra expenses if a return go to to healthy elements is needed. Most repairers have a margin built into the elements, but others do not and add a fee for travel.

Cheap or 2d hand elements are impossible with a purpose to display for. Here you depend upon your gut experience and enjoy. If they force a beat up old van, put on greasy - torn clothes, appearance unkempt you may in all likelihood count on to get ripped off. But that doesn't imply, just because they arrive in a clean van all dressed to electrify that they're sincere great operators, however normally your probabilities improve.

One of the approaches technicians shorten their time at the task is to bend covers, leave screws out and generally harm panels that cannot be visible. They fail to re-clip or cozy cables and many others. Again this is hard to display for, but can commonly be measured via the range of jobs they e-book an afternoon. 8 calls an afternoon is a reasonably busy day. If they do extra than 10 jobs an afternoon or whole jobs in 15 mins or less you can effectively count on they're taking quick cuts.

Long waiting times for parts are common on this industry. Some are legitimate and some aren't. Some repairers use components as a method to improve their scheduling efficiency. These repairers realize you won't wait very long for the preliminary visit, however once they have accumulated money for the preliminary visit you're devoted to wait for the go back visit. Try to get a gauge for a way lengthy elements will take earlier than making the preliminary booking. This wont triumph over the trouble, however might assist manage your expectations. Remember... You simplest get what you pay for and handiest in case you're fortunate. That is a fundamental regulation of commercial enterprise, as rock strong as the regulation of gravity. Make positive you understand why the differences exist; simplest then are you ready to make an knowledgeable choice on upkeep.

[pebblysand]

Author Interview Tag

Author Interview Game

Thank you sooooo much for the tag @tessiete​ this has actually made my day! I fucking love writing about writing (bit self-indulgent, I know) and reading other people’s writing about writing and oh, god, I’m so excited!!

Name: pebblysand

Fandoms: from beginning to end - Without A Trace, House, Spooks/MI:5, The Good Wife, Silk, Harry Potter (although, technically, that was probably the first one - my mum’s best friend said she had to read HP because from age 6 to age 10 it was all I ever consented to talk about). 

Where you post: AO3 and FF. 

Behind the cut cause this post is loooong. 

Most popular oneshot: 

So, the first thing I need to confess is: I geek over AO3 and FF analytics. I always cross-post simultaneously and find the difference (and similarities) between the websites and their audiences, and the way it reflects in the feedback on my work, absolutely fascinating. I mean, I’m doing the following based on kudos for AO3 and on favourites for ff and the first fic on AO3 is twelth in ranking on ff. The first fic on ff is ninth on AO3. They’re the same stories posted at the same time! Why the difference? Can someone please conduct a sociological study of both websites because I’m digging this. 

However, even more interesting: the second most popular story is the same on both. It’s also one I really don’t like. Isn’t that mad?

Anyway, onto the nitty-gritty. 

AO3: Truth (Peaky Blinders)

I like parts of this one. It was the first thing I wrote after years of not writing and I think it might have suffered a bit from that kind of stiffness in my writing muscles. Obviously, it was also so linked to the end of series 3 that it ended up being AU quickly after series 4 came out, which is a bit annoying. I think I also may have made Tommy a bit too intense in this one? I don’t know. There are parts of it that I really do like, though. I really, really love the structure, and the opening is probably my all time favourite in anything that I’ve written (a very close race with Once for TGW, tbh). 

Anyway, I always think it’s a bit funny that this one became the most popular (by far by the way) out of everything I’ve ever written because it was such a flop when I posted it hahah. Got like three kudos and one comment, and because I hadn’t written in so long, I remember thinking: ‘ah, that’s it, then, I’m shite.’ Little did I know! Now, it’s just been steadily getting more and more love with every month that passes and that just makes me so, so happy. I suppose that people just watch Peaky on Netflix and find the fic when they dig through the archive, give it kudos - it’s so, so lovely. I also recently got one of my favourite comments I’ve ever gotten on it (on FF) and it’s really made my day :). 

FF: Cannonballs (The Good Wife)

Again, one that was not very popular at the start (I seem to remember it had the lowest amount of favs for quite some time, actually) but has gradually grown to be popular-ish. I honestly haven’t read this is so long that I don’t really have an opinion on it but I do remember that it is the first thing I actually remember properly working on. I was eighteen when I wrote it and although I’d been writing for years prior to that, I’d always just kind of wrote stuff in one go, posted it and forgot about it. This one was the first one I really worked on, planned, edited, and I remember re-reading it a couple of years back and thinking it was probably the first one that makes me not cringe now. Overall, I do like that it’s popular now. 

Most popular multichap: 

(Full disclosure, I’ve only ever written two multichaps, both happen to be listed here)

AO3: Children (Silk)

My baby. My love. On and off, between writing, first posting, then editing and reposting - 2.5 years of work. It is a ridiculously niche fandom but sure look, I’m so proud of it. I’d always thought I was a one-shot kind of girl, that I was incapable of writing and framing a long-form story, and yet, here I am. I am madly proud of this. 

FF: Castles (Harry Potter)

Sheer force of numbers, here, to be honest. It’s only two chapters in, and already two kudos short of overpowering Children on AO3, which I’m guessing will make it most popular across the board, just because the fandom itself is so large. 

I will say this: I’ve had this story in my head for years and I think part of the reason why I’m only writing it now is that after years of writing in nice, niche fandoms where you could easily read all the fics available in a few days and make friends with readers because everyone kind of knew each other, I finally have the backbone to face the Potter fandom. Because fuck, as much as I love the books and have gotten absolutely lovely, thoughtful comments on this throughout the past few weeks, God can that fandom be brutal.

And, don’t get me wrong: I’ve had constructive criticism on a number of my fics in the past, including very niche ones. Even if it does sometimes hurt a bit, it’s always helped me better my writing. I remember for instance one chapter of Children where someone wrote in that they were confused and couldn’t follow the narrative. I was a bit annoyed at first but in the end, it made me rethink the chapter and rewrite it, and they were 100% correct. That’s the whole point of constructive criticism/debates in comments. 

The Potter fandom has that, no doubt. I’ve had super interesting discussions in comments and overall the response and feedback has been incredible, like I’ve never even dreamt of before. This being said, I’ve also gotten more shit than I’ve had in any other fandom. For instance: the story picks up after the war (starts in May 1998). The summary reads: “To him, the spring of '98 is about sex and funerals.” - which is a line taken from the fic itself. When you labour over something for hours on end and the first comment you get is: “first learn when spring season starts and ends before writing a story about it. what a joke.” it’s a bit disheartening, to say the least. 

And, I know. First of all, yes, that person is an idiot and clearly doesn’t know when spring ends and summer starts themselves because summer only technically starts on the 21st of June. Secondly, even if I’d gotten it wrong, I didn’t write a story about the seasons, you idiot. It’s clearly a line taken from the story. Lastly, learn how to punctuate and spell. Now, I’m 27. I know that. I can disregard that. But even then it still feels like shit. If I’d gotten that kind of trolling when I was younger, I’m not sure I’d still be writing today. I really admire younger writers who start out on Potter - I was very afraid until now, tbh.

Favorite story you’ve written: 

This, I really don’t know. I was trying to pick one but I think my favourite one is almost always the one I’ve either just written or am writing now. For a long time, I really loved Once. I also really liked Daisies and Dreams. I obviously love Children although I think I’ve spent so much time writing and editing it that it’ll take a bit of time for me to really appreciate it without also self-editing in my head, if that makes sense. 

Right now, though, I love Castles. I think it’s the best piece of writing I’ve ever written. When the next one comes around, I hope that’s the best piece of writing I’ve ever written. That means progress. 

Fic you were nervous to post: 

Castles for reasons explained above. I love HP but I don’t think big fandoms in general are my thing. I like decent-sized fandoms. Like, TGW-size, back in the day, was perfect. Even as a reader, it’s also fucking hard to find good fic due to the sheer mass of stuff out there. Where do you even start?

How you choose your titles: 

Castles, Children, Daisies, Truth, Mistakes, Dreams, Before, Once, Cannonballs - hello, do you detect a pattern here :D?

Jokes aside, yeah, I like one-word titles. Believe it or not, though, it hadn’t occurred to me that I always seemed to gravitate towards them until @orbythesea on AO3 pointed it out to me. To be honest, even the fics that don’t materially have one-word titles have one-word titles in my head. Like, Horses Made of Sticks is actually just Horses, in my head. I should probably have called it Horses. 

How do I choose? Depends. Sometimes, they come from songs (Castles, Children, Daisies). Sometimes, it’s quotes, concepts from the show/book, or sometimes it just fits. Like, Once, Dreams and Truth couldn’t really have been called anything else, they’re just what the fics are about. 

Do you outline? 

Yes, always. For one-shots, I usually have an outline on my phone or part of the word file I’m writing the fic in itself, just a list of scenes or quotes that come to me at random points during the day that I will forget if I don’t write them down. I am very forgetful of my own brilliance hahaha. 

For longer stuff, I usually have the general plot in my head from beginning to end before I start writing. Then, chapter by chapter, I plan with a blank A4 sheet of papers that I fill with post-its describing different scenes, a little bit like a paper version of those boards they have in writers’ rooms. It helps me physically see where scenes fall, where holes are. I do the same thing for original fiction. 

For reference, one for Children (chapter 9) would have looked like that. They’re definitely not set in stone, though. Lots of times I’ll change stuff on the spot, big or small. Scenes that pop up randomly or get deleted because they worked in my head but not on paper, sometimes moved (sometimes moved to other chapters even). Here, “Alice” later became “Charlotte” and that “eye-fucking” (LOL) scene never happened. 

Complete: 

I think they’re all complete? I never completed that alphabet-based collection of House one-shots but it was a collection and they were shite anyways. They’re not missed, lol. 

Of course, Castles is incomplete, but that’s just my current WIP. 

In progress: 

As I said, Castles. Also a piece of original fiction that I’m not sure where to post. Like, what do people do with short stories? Where do you post that shit online? Can anyone help?

Coming soon/not yet started: 

No idea. I’m a one-project-at-a-time kind of gal. 

Prompts: 

I love prompts. Send me all the prompts. Especially three-sentence-story prompts. God, I miss those. 

Upcoming Work You’re Most Excited About: 

I mean, again, Castles. 

No pressure tags: I have no one to tag because I’m not really in fandom anymore but if anyone sees this and wants to do this, please be my guest. Again, I love reading about other people’s writing and writing processes because we’re all different and it’s fascinating. 

Also, if anybody’s got theories about ff v. AO3 tastes and readership, hit me up, I could speculate for hours. 

And thanks again @tessiete​ for tagging me

[anneedmonds]

Life Update: What Have I Done?

I’ve had a slightly longer break from work than anticipated; but don’t worry, there’s nothing sinister afoot. I’m not ill, the dog didn’t die, I’ve not had a drastic facelift that meant I needed to hide behind bandages for a month. I was just absolutely shattered before Christmas and then the school holidays (aka “the great relentless abyss of no childcare”) completely finished me off.

I won’t harp on about Christmas not being a holiday – you can read this post from the same time last year and just update the kids’ ages – but it’s safe to say that having a four and two year old is as much work (possibly more) than having a three and a one year old. At least toddlers (generally) haven’t discovered eye-rolling and chat-back. At least toddlers are vaguely amused by wrapping paper, empty boxes and the jangly bell from a Lindt bunny tied to the end of a piece of ribbon. Fast-forward a year and the children now want painting games on the iPad and festive biscuit-decorating sessions.

Anyway, to cut a long and fairly pedestrian story short, I decided to take a few casual days off when school started back last week so that I actually had more than twenty seconds to myself. It was great. On the first of the two child-free days (there were four school days in total but Ted only goes to nursery part time) I stayed in bed looking for second hand velvet sofas on eBay and browsing for vintage rugs on Vinterior. On the second child-free day, which – alas – wasn’t consecutive – I went to Bath in the morning with Mr AMR, had some lunch and then sorted out the shoes and boots in the utility room. Bliss.

So that covers the two days last week when I actually had some proper time off: what of the rest of the “holiday”? What an earth have I been up to, seeing as though I’ve been on a self-imposed social media ban which theoretically should free up about nine hours a day? Here’s a run-down: brace positions, people, it’s a wild ride.

I learnt how to use the scanner thing at Sainsbury’s. Have you used these supermarket handheld beepy scanner things? I’m not talking about the self checkout tills, which are so useless and stress-inducing they make me want to chew off my own feet, I’m referring to the handsets that you pick up at the start of your shop and take around with you, zapping barcodes as you go, so that at the end of your shop you can just pay and go.

No unloading the trolley at the till only to pack it up again and then unload it into the boot of your car.  (Sounds such a ridiculous waste of time when you write it down.) No watching helplessly as your bottle of Malbec slowly rolls along the conveyor belt, straight off the end and then smashes on the floor. No performance anxiety as you try to pack your bags in front of the people waiting in the queue behind you – the pressure as you feel them judging your packing speed and dexterity! The shame as you fumble to retrieve your bag-for-life from the floor! The panic as a loose lime you’ve reached for rolls away, escaping your grasp. You can feel your audience’s eyes trained upon you – they wince as you pack heavy potatoes on top of squishy cherry tomatoes, they breathe an audible sigh of relief when you realise that the milk is leaking and ask if someone could possibly get you another.

“JANET! JANET! Six litres of full fat on checkout nine! The woman’s got a leaky one!”

None of that when you use the handheld scanner. Utter genius, it is. Although I have to say, don’t let your kids mess about with it. I almost paid for eight giant boxes of dishwasher tablets and a “Pressure King” pressure cooker.

I saved over £290 on curtain tie-backs. Yes, you heard me – £290! The one from Samuel & Sons that matched my tasselled curtain (photo above) would have been £300 inc VAT and I managed to get an (admittedly much plainer) version without the tassel but with all the same tying-back abilities in the Laura Ashley sale. Eight quid! The fact that it took me around ninety-five man hours to research alternative tie-backs is by the by. I’m pretty sure my labour costs were more than the original tie-back…

I made Yorkshire Puddings properly for the first time and they were immense. Quite literally. I put a bit too much batter into each tin and they rose to just about fill the top oven. I think one of them was almost ten inches tall. Who cares, though – more is more when it comes to Yorkshire Puddings, surely? It’s the only part of a roast dinner I’m actually bothered about. Next year at Christmas I might just make myself a giant Yorkshire and fill it with gravy. Bit of al dente broccoli. Scrap of turkey and a dollop of cranberry and I’m done.

I took the stair gate off and now Mr Bear the cat is an omnipresent menace. Honestly, life was easier when he was confined to the ground floor. Now that he has free run of the house he sneaks up on you when you’re in the shower, jumps onto your back when you’re sitting on the loo and pounces on the kids’ feet in bed. He’s having an absolute whale of a time. Although I caught him pointing his claws in the direction of my velvet upholstered Soho Home bed the other day and so the gate might have to be resurrected. It’s been so nice without it though – just walking down the stairs, freely, without having to wrestle with the lock and then risk breaking my neck tripping over the frame. We could have taken it down about a year ago if it wasn’t for the cat and his penchant for creeping about the place and using furniture to sharpen his nails…

I did a self-imposed social media ban. Which I’ve already mentioned, but it’s worth saying again: I didn’t look at any social media from the 21st of December until the other day. Amazingly, my screen time didn’t go down, but that’s because I used all of the social media time trawling the internet for furniture bargains. I reckon if you squished all of the time together, I spent a full day and night searching for stuff on Vinterior – the scrolling started to make me feel seasick! (By the way, if you want to get £50 off your first order with them use RUTH CRILLY in the code box. This isn’t a special affiliate setup – anyone who orders with them can get a code.)

Why the social media ban? I just wanted a quiet and relaxing Christmas (HA!) and to properly stop thinking about work for a couple of weeks. The thing is that I have a perpetual internal monologue as I go about my day – I almost narrate my own existence – and because of this I’m always tempted to write down every thought that I’ve had, or record every action. Quite often little things I’ve done can form the basis for a post here on A Model Recommends, or I’ll jot down a thought that will then become a bigger idea which then requires a longer sit-down with pen and paper to elaborate, and unless I absolutely switch off, one hundred percent, the temptation is always there to quickly write a caption or draft a blog post.

So I moved all of my social media apps to a different page of the iPhone menu so that they weren’t staring me in the face when I opened my phone and then I just sort of forgot about them. I can highly recommend it, at least every once in a while. I actually think I have an OK relationship with social media – I’m definitely not addicted and can easily detach myself – but still. A digital cleanse felt pretty good!

Now I’m finding it quite hard to get back to work, however – I’m dragging myself very slowly into 2020, like a giant, jumper-wearing slug. I have been setting myself absurdly basic tasks so that my brain doesn’t go into shock;

email the sofa-fixing man about fixing the sofa, ask him to fix the sofa and how much it would be to fix the sofa. Can he even fix the sofa?

How are you finding the New Year? Did you set any resolutions or do you have a masterplan for 2020? Mine is to try and be more organised with work so that I don’t feel so stressed – plan my content and commitments in advance so that I know what I need to get done, rather than just fitting in tasks at the last minute or late at night. 2020 is the year of the new, streamlined me!

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Life Update: What Have I Done? was first posted on January 14, 2020 at 5:09 pm. ©2018 "A Model Recommends". Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this article in your feed reader, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact me at contact@amodelrecommends.com Life Update: What Have I Done? published first on https://medium.com/@SkinAlley

[haywire4]

uk election thoughts from a dude in the states

not bothering to capitalize any of this, it’s just stuff that i’m typing as i go and i’m only going back to make sure i spelled most of the words right and shit before queuing up a post

i honestly didn’t expect a labour majority, i figured things were going to be stalled about as they were, but that was a pretty hard shift

seriously, i thought that jets loss to the ravens was going to be the biggest loss i saw tonight

the brexit split really created a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation, didn’t it? jezza tries to whip support for it, he probably loses the substantial portions of the electorate worried about the very real damage that could happen to public services and the very fake loss of EU membership prestige.

trying to go for the second referendum, though, that probably alienated a lot of people deeply concerned about the very real issues EU membership causes for countries with names that don’t rhyme with bermany, and assorted jackasses that spend most of their hours concerned with national pride above all else

a lot of people whose jobs rely on calling themselves smart, they’re already taking the chance to tut-tut those who didn’t want labour to be tory-lite, who believe things better than the status quo are possible, would like to try and use this as incontrovertible evidence that leftism is unelectable. please ignore that the wet blanket centrist lib dems have less than 20 seats total and most only got enough votes to successfully split the vote in many areas.

i mean it about the vote splitting thing, i’ve always mocked the people that talk about how dubya “had integrity and honor” while simultaneously cursing the name of ralph nader twenty years on, but the difference between nader and the british lib dems is that those jackasses had quite a visible dent in a lot of demos that probably would have gone labour, same with the brexit party, while nader’s support was built out of people that otherwise would have likely abstained from voting.

with that in mind, sometimes america’s lack of viable third parties seems like more of a blessing than a curse. it’s easy to get hammered by a couple hundred jo swinsons and similar empty suits, less so by the gary johnsons and howard schultzes of the world thinking they’re the next ross perot. would still rather have that ranked choice setup they use down in australia tho.

when contrasted with a prime minister that has written some profoundly antisemetic fiction and his party’s erection of a monument to an MP who virulently hated jews and based her support of hitler off of it, there was sort of a dark humor to the charge that the labour party was uniquely antisemetic. there didn’t seem to be much to it, just the usual protests from people who see palestinians as sub-human but won’t say it, and people who can only view jews as being innately tied to a nationality other than their own. turns out that scaring rich people who own or inhabit high level positions at media companies can get you some really interesting wall-to-wall coverage.

and yes, i did notice that widely circulated list of “suspected labour antisemites“ that was sourced from a group with aryan in the name

that’s a fun preview of what’ll happen if sanders really starts to get traction over here, by the way. you might say, “surely they wouldn’t try to paint a jewish man who lost much of his family in the holocaust as an antisemite, especially compared to a president that’s straight up signing executive orders to declare jews as their own separate nationality“ but the federalist is already dipping their toes into such matters, and many right wing talking points seem to percolate from well funded places like that these days.

also, the people that want to say that a guy who straight up got arrested for protesting during the sixties american civil rights movement doesn’t care about the black community as biden or tiny pete will eat that shit up, and comcast and GE owned outlets ain’t gonna be above saying it in more hushed tones.

apparently corbyn is stepping down as labour leader. it’s been lost to time (or i’m too dumb to remember who said it), but i remember someone saying like, “if it had been sanders taking that kind of devastating loss in 2016, i would honestly have to re-evaluate my politics, figure out i should be playing a role in all of this, if i’m still in touch.“ after three years of various clinton-worlders on doggedly insisting that they are still the only ones that understand how to win elections, corbyn having the guts to step down and say “i might not be the right person to be the face of this movement at this time“ is a refreshing, if sobering example of humility.

big feather in your cap if you’re one to talk about the limits of electoralism, you shouldn’t treat it as an “i told you so” moment, but i guess you did there. hope you have a good backup plan, there might be a good time for it soon

there was a little bit of talk from non-mainstream sources about how american trade deals were going to encourage heavy privatization of the NHS, most of which seemed to be covered up by the insistence of covering the “possibility” (as in bullshit idea) that a story about a hospital hobbled by tory/right wing labour budget cuts running out of beds and forcing patients onto the floor was made up by the parents of a patient. a lot of people asking what copays and deductibles are over in the isles today, even if it’s not going to happen overnight.

sometimes i think a little too much about the possibility of a populace that’s a combination of too beaten down and distracted to worry about the public good and creeping austerity, and times like this really remind you of the necessity of extensive public organizing in your community

another blessing in disguise, i hear a lot about how americans don’t watch the news, but looking at how a lot of corporate news sources twist themselves in knots to look impartial while trying to convince well-meaning individuals that what they’re seeing in front of them in regards to the right wing isn’t real, maybe that’s not such a bad thing. is someone getting their info from NUMTOT or random facebook pages dedicated to cropping and watermarking stolen videos really worse then getting it from ABC or FOX? prolly not tbh

in reality, whatever remains of the uk and eu in 2160 is probably still going to be kicking the can on brexit, basically just turning it into some arcane ceremony whose purpose has been long forgotten. fun!

irish reunification and scottish independence talks sound like they’re going to get real fun now, but i’ll admit i don’t know a lot about that stuff except for the dup essentially wanting the troubles 2.0 in exchange for a coalition with the tories and the last scottish thing getting rejected based on promises of staying in the EU

australia is not the UK but now is a better time than ever to say that fairy bread might be the worst food i’ve ever heard of, anyway peace out, never forget that time that david cameron fucked a dead pig to get into whatever the brit version of skull and bones is

[funtubeweb]

Watch Bone Mother, Dale Hayward & Sylvie Trouvé’s gothic animation

Dale Hayward and Sylvie Trouvé were thinking of putting a guest bedroom in their basement — but Baba Yaga had other ideas. And what Baba wants, Baba gets.

Bowing to her formidable powers, they found themselves transforming their basement into an animation set, a miniature studio where the mythic Slavic matriarch assumed a starring role in Bone Mother, awesome stop-motion now available online.

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 Together Hayward and Trouvé have amassed years of experience in commercial and independent animation — making ads for Nike and other major brands, animating TV series and features like Little Prince, and running their own company See Creature — but Bone Mother presented a whole new set of challenges and opportunities.

They sat me down at the kitchen table of the Montreal home they share with their two kids and told me how it all went down — a tale of vampires and newborns, a thousand 3D-printed heads and an enduring shared passion for stop motion.

Co-directed by Hayward and Trouvé, Bone Mother was produced by Jelena Popović and executive produced by Michael Fukushima for the NFB Animation Studio.

How did you guys get together?

Sylvie: We were both working at Cuppa Coffee Studios in Toronto, animating TV series. We’d see each other in passing, and then at one point I became his animation director and had to talk to him. No choice! We ended up getting together, something we tried to keep a secret for a year or so, which was kind of fun. Then Hothouse came along; a 3-month apprenticeship program for emerging Canadian filmmakers with the NFB’s English animation studio in Montreal. We realized that we loved filmmaking and Montréal so we decided to stay.

Dale: Moving was a whole process of re-adjustment. We’d just finished working in Toronto, where we’d been working on Celebrity Deathmatch, a MTV gorefest that got made on a crazy schedule. 16 episodes in three months. And at the same time I’d been doing tests for my hothouse film. So I was pretty pumped when I arrived at the NFB that first day, but I quickly realized that the Film Board runs at another pace.

Which edition of Hothouse was that?

Dale: It was 2007, so Hothouse 4. My film was Roy G Biv — totally abstract, working with paints. Sylvie did her own Hothouse film the following year.

Sylvie: Mine was called Orange, an abstract look at urban spaces. That film led me to working with the French animation studio, where I made another film called Reflection. My background is in photography; it was natural and exciting for me to combine animation with photography.

What was the appeal of Baba Yaga?

Dale: We’ve always liked anti-heroes and fantasy stories. I first heard Maura McHugh’s version of the Baba story on the horror podcast Pseudopod. Baba is usually portrayed as a dark character, an evil witch. But there are lessons to be learned from characters like that. She’s like that old uncle who terrifies you, but who you totally respect at the same time. It seems natural somehow that Vlad the Impaler has the audacity to walk through her door. It was fun to have a story with two villains. It gave us lots to play with.

Sylvie: For me it was the fact that she’s a woman in this world. So many mythic villains are men — Dracula, Frankenstein, and all those guys. And then there’s Baba Yaga. She’s not your typical witch. She commands respect. She meditates. I liked the idea of paying homage to powerful old ladies. Just because you’re getting old doesn’t mean you’re getting weak. And I like that she’s Dracula’s mother. We don’t think of Dracula having a mother.

Dale: Vampires are big in pop culture right now, and initially we thought it might be too commercial for the Film Board. This is not typical NFB animation. But we pitched it anyway and they went with it. Baba is the main character, but I think it’s nice bonus for audiences to learn that it’s also Dracula’s origin story.

How did end up you making the film in your basement?

Sylvie: That was our producer Jelena Popović’s idea. I was pregnant with Rémi at the time, and initially we thought we’d have the baby and then go back to the Film Board, with baby in tow, thinking, you know, that people love babies and it would be fine. But we already had a daughter and should’ve remembered that it’s not that easy. Then Jelena said, maybe you can do it at home. And the more we thought about it, the more it made sense. We thought we’d eventually go back to the Film Board, to get shots that needed more space, but once we set things up here, we realized that we could adapt and shoot pretty much everything here.

Dale: It was the only way to get it done. As tough as it was to go back and forth between filming and diapers, it allowed me to be with Rémi during his first months. He could be on set with us, and our daughter Zoé was able to get involved in the production. She liked bringing her friends over to show them the bone house and the skeletons. And we could be totally flexible with the schedule. I would set things up knowing that Sylvie would take over later, and vice versa.

Sylvie: I’m a morning person and Dale likes working at night, so he’d often work until midnight and then I’d start shooting at 5 am. It gave us a nice balance. When I had Zoé, I stayed home while Dale was out working, and I found that quite alienating. This time around it was different. And it’s nice to have an artistic project that gives you a break from baby life.

Did making it at home affect the look or feel of the film at all?

Sylvie: I don’t think so, but I laugh when I look at certain shots, knowing that I’m looking at a section of our basement ceiling or wall.

Dale: Yeah, I had to comp out the basement pot lights in some shots. But that’s what stop motion is all about, holding things up with post-it notes and duct tape, and making it all work. We used lots of simple materials – foam board, and blue, green and even pink screen that we found at the dollar store. It was essential to expanding the environment in postproduction, so you couldn’t tell it was shot in a small room.

Was 3D printing part of the plan from the get-go?

Dale: Yes, it was part of our original pitch. We knew the NFB was looking for innovation, and we’d been working with André Michaud on Little Prince, which used 3D printed faces. Stop motion is typically limited with the range of facial expression, and this was an opportunity to take it up a level, to try to create more expressive characters.

Sylvie: That’s where the 1500 faces come in. We wanted a full range of emotions in the characters – angry and mad, angry and sorrowful, and so on. We weren’t using high-end printers but in the end that kind of worked in our favour. We discovered the stepping in Baba’s face looked like wrinkles, an effect that worked well for her character, so we emphasized this as much as we could.

Dale: At the same time we wanted to keep a textured handcrafted look — to be able to see the thumbprints so to speak — so each face, each set of eyes, was painted individually. That took months to do and we were lucky to have Eve Lamoureux and Claire Brognez help us out. They were a great team. We also spent quite a bit of time researching 3D printing filaments until we finally found a part wood/part plastic blend that matched our environment and took well to watercolour paint.

In such a dark gothic story lighting is key.

Dale: The challenge was to keep it dark and have it look natural, not have that “day for night” look. Most of the interiors were lit with tiny LED lights, hot glued to armature wire. We wired them to jacks – and controlled them with DMX channels. In the original story Baba’s house speaks, and the LED lights became that voice. When they come on, you know the house is talking.

Sylvie: Fire is a major element too, and it’s Vlad who brings that into the story with his lamp. His technology invades Baba’s natural space.

Was there a clear division of labour?

Sylvie: I come from a photography so I focus on what’s under camera. Dale is better on the computer. I know my way around After Effects, Photoshop and other programs, but I’m not a tech person at heart, and he’s also better at rigging stuff. I like doing the sets and painting, thinking of the visual composition. He did the storyboard and designs. We both constantly worked on the story and the editing.

Dale: Experience has taught us to establish who’s responsible for what. Whenever we don’t, we get into trouble. But it’s still evolving, I’d say. When we look at the film now, we forget who did what shot. We were both so involved. Even if it was my hand animating the puppet, it was often her idea. People ask us, who makes the decisions? Well we both do.

Sylvie: It’s all about which idea works better and that’s a question of maturity I think. When you first start off, you think, “I made this and nobody is going to tell me otherwise.” But that attitude isn’t productive. We just listen to each other and see what works.

How did the soundtrack come together?

Above: Sylvie and Dale with composer Rebecca Foon.

Sylvie: Sacha Ratcliffe was the sound designer and she immediately got what we wanted — the house and its voice, the animal sounds, the atmosphere, everything. Her design brought everything to another level. And the NFB team was great: Geoff Mitchell, who did the recording; Karla Baumgardner, on Foley; Jean Paul Vialard, who did the mix. They all really know what they’re doing.

Dale: We had cut the film to temp music from Inception and other Hans Zimmer pieces, big momentous music, so we had a good sense of the music cues. Rebecca Foon created wonderfully atmospheric music. Recording the voices of Baba and Vlad was amazing. With Baba, we knew we wanted the rough voice an older actress, a smoker, Renée-Madeleine Le Guerrier was perfect. As soon as I heard her laugh, I knew she was Baba. And Rafael Petardi, with his deep voice like butter, was completely convincing at the vain Vlad.

Any other collaborators you want to mention? 

Dale: André Michaud was a huge help with tech stuff, particularly all our 3D printing issues. We’d worked with him in Little Prince and he’s always open to trying prototypes but he knows when to say something wasn’t working.

Sylvie: Jelena Popović, our producer, really helped us get a handle on the story. She’s from Eastern Europe originally so she was familiar with the Baba legends. And Eve Lamoureux-Cyr and Claire Brognez painted all those faces, a job that took four months. Noncedo Khumalo handled the eyes and most of the Maya modelling.

Dale: Another key collaborator was Nick Fairhead, a old friend from Toronto. He’s a post-production guy who’s worked on lots of high-end features, and he really raised the production values.

Any influences? Art or artists who feed your imagination?

Dale: One influence on this particular film is the comic book artist Mike Mignola and his Hellboy character. He’s got an awesome style that took a while to become accepted in the mainstream. He’s now one of the industry’s most unique voices.

Sylvie: When it comes to animation, the people at Laika are totally inspiring. I love the work of Rachelle Lambden, one of the only women there. We worked together at Cuppa Coffee for a while. She’s a powerful character animator.

Dale: And we just finished working with Regina Pessoa in Portugal. It was really inspiring to see how she integrates work into her country life style, finding a balance between work and community. That’s something we try to apply to our own situation.

Sylvie: We both like live action too. I grew up watching horror movies with my mom – Amityville, The Thing, The Shining, all the Stephen King stuff.

What’s next?

Sylvie: Right now we’re shooting another stop motion film in our basement — a much simpler project directed by José Luis Saturno. And Dale is interested in delving into live action.

Dale: We both really enjoy live action, and I’d love to make a feature that integrates stop motion into live action somehow. Technology is evolving quickly, the lines are getting blurred, and that’s exciting.

Sylvie: Now that we’ve finished Bone Mother, we’re coming back to See Creature, pushing it in new ways. We’ve always enjoyed creating animated sequences for documentaries, and I also have a idea for a series of mini-shorts – focussing on little illuminating life moments. Likes lots of people, we’re looking for a balance and interested in working on projects that are meaningful to us.

Artwork from Bone Mother will be exhibited at Toronto’s Liberty Arts Gallery, opening November 1 and on display a month, and Dale and Sylvie are giving a masterclass on the making of Bone Mother on Nov 4 at the 2018 edition of the TAAFI Conference in Toronto.

For more making-of photos, check out the Bone Mother instagram account.

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