#yes this is implying that remus and sirius are soulmates. because they are.

[danceworshipper]

@hphm-ship-week Prompt 4: Soulmate AU

See if you can spot every time I tried to get to the point and failed shkskjhsfjhg

Ship: Tessa/Chiara 🩵🐺

Dates: 1980-1985 (aged 7-12)

Ever since she was seven years old, Tessa knew there was something wrong with her. She and Gracie had always had deep green eyes, like their father, but one day when Tessa looked in the mirror, they were lighter.

Tessa was sure she'd been seeing things, but the next day, they were even paler, and the next, they were blue. She'd had other symptoms too, like a steadily growing headache and an increased appetite. Her mother had spent as much money at St. Mungos as they would accept to have every test known to wizardkind performed on her - no luck. There was no indication of a curse or sickness.

The very next day, her eyes were green again, and she was exhausted like she'd been up all night.

Again she'd been practically thrown at the Healers. They could all agree that something had happened, something abnormal, but Tessa was the first patient they had records of whose eyes had changed color for no reason. Despite this, she was healthy and was sent home with instructions to return if it happened again.

It did. Every single month. She wasn't brought back to St. Mungos.

Tessa was not a fool, nor was anyone else in her family: her eyes turned blue the day of the full moon. Knowing this, however, didn't help explain anything. The full moon was only known to affect werewolves, and Tessa was obviously not a werewolf. Even the explanation that she'd been bit by a werewolf in human form was impossible - she was a rather sheltered child, after all - and that still wouldn't explain her eyes turning blue. Her father was convinced that some other creature had infected her somehow. Her mother still insisted it was a curse. Her brother didn't care what caused it, he just wanted to be able to fix it.

Gracie was the only one who thought it might mean something else.

One of their favorite books as children was a story of a princess whose knees would bruise without explanation, and whose hands were rough as though she worked a common job. The day came when she was to choose a husband, and while she wandered the ballroom, a cut opened down her back with no weapon in sight. Thinking she'd been cursed, the mean old king locked her in her bedroom and sought his magical advisor for help, seeking revenge. The woman told the king to find the boy with the matching scar, and all would be well.

A peasant boy was found who'd been whipped in the exact spot the princess had been cut. He, too, would find wounds on his body that weren't his own. The king brought the boy to the princess and told her to kill him, thinking that the boy had cursed her and that his death would be the cure. The princess refused, and held out a hand to invite the boy to rest. From their hands rose a swirl of magic to bind them together forever. There was more to the story, like the king flying into a rage and trying to kill the boy (resulting in his own death), but what Gracie was focused on was the magic. Injuries to either person were still shared, but greatly lessened by the presence of their other half. The two were said to be perfect soulmates.

It was a fairytale. Nothing more. Gracie, however, was convinced that Tessa and the princess were the same. Soulmates didn't exist, though. Whatever was wrong with her was definitely a curse.

Rumors spread through Hogwarts like Fiendfyre when, only a week into term, Tessa's eyes changed color. The rumors about Vance had been bad enough; now the whole student body thought her mad as well. Her headache and hunger made her irritable; she earned the honor of first detention for the new Slytherins. Professor Snape was not sympathetic when she explained her curse - but Professor Dumbledore was. Apparently, her parents hadn't informed the school of anything. He asked her what happened without judgement. Tessa explained what she knew, which wasn't much, and when she brought up Gracie's foolish theory, the Headmaster gained a pensive look in his eyes.

"I would not discredit the idea," he said, but didn't elaborate why she asked why.

The gossip died down when nothing else happened, and Tessa spent most of her first year ignoring her monthly flare-ups. She and Gracie found traces of the Vaults their brother had gone missing for. They found danger lurking in plain sight. She made friends who cared for her. The headaches were worse some months than others, and she'd ended up in the Hospital Wing twice. When Gracie was cursed, Tessa found that she could no longer complain.

Home wasn't safe after that. Their brother gone, their parents raving, and the both of them cursed... they didn't leave their rooms often.

"I still don't think you're cursed," Gracie said one night, the both of them lying together in her bed. Her newly poisonous green eyes caught the candlelight.

Tessa shook her head. "We're cursed, Gracie. Must be from all the inbreeding."

Gracie snickered. "Don't let Mother hear you say that."

"I'd rather be cursed than not," Tessa said quietly. "If I'm cursed, you're not alone."

"You're not cursed and I would never want you to be," Gracie said sternly. "I got lucky. I'm not dead or in pain."

"Mine causes pain," Tessa pointed out.

Gracie only shook her head. "Someone's out there waiting for you. I know it."

Being allowed to return to Hogwarts was relieving enough that Tessa didn't care about the neverending rumors about her family anymore. At Hogwarts, eventually, something else interesting would pop up and she could blend right back into the crowd. Luckily she only had to wait a month.

Tessa's eyes turned blue, and the next day there was a rumor that a girl had been attacked by a werewolf. Being more exhausted than normal - and with strange phantom aches all over - Tessa didn't investigate, instead sending Gracie and Rowan.

"Don't you think you should be in the Hospital Wing?" Liz asked nervously, perched carefully at the foot of Tessa's bed. "This is new, isn't it?"

"Ugh, yeah. Guess it's finally getting worse."

Liz bit her lip. "I don't think I can carry you."

"It's fine," Tessa said, though when she sat up she wanted to cry. "I can walk."

"You can lean on me," Liz offered.

Madam Pomfrey didn't know what to do for her, other than give her a potion for the pain and offer to Floo St. Mungos, which Tessa turned down. The potion seemed to help more than normal. They didn't typically kick in instantly, but Tessa certainly was not going to complain.

Liz stayed with her, and they spoke about anything other than what was happening: classes, Hagrid's newest creature that was probably supposed to be a secret, if they'd been that annoying as first years (definitely not). There was only one other patient in the Hospital Wing, a Hufflepuff that Tessa was pretty sure was in their year but couldn't name. She thought the girl might have been shy, or anxious. Tessa had never spoken a word to her.

Whatever had happened to her had been awful, Tessa thought. The poor girl was unconscious the whole time they were there, dirty and coated in scrapes - she thought that maybe this was the werewolf victim, but Gracie and Rowan said that the victim was a Gryffindor named Pippa. They also said she wasn't attacked by a werewolf; she wouldn't be alive to tell the tale if she was.

The Hufflepuff girl awoke shortly before dinner, which Tessa was free to go to according to Madam Pomfrey if and only if she returned straight after. Her curse was barely even bothering her anymore, so she didn't see why she had to come back, especially with the nurse so focused on whatever had happened to the Hufflepuff.

"You don't have to come back with me," Tessa told Liz. "She's probably going to make me stay overnight."

"I can at least walk you there?" Liz tried. Truthfully, Liz was more worried about the curse than Tessa.

"You don't have to."

"You should come back to the Common Room with us," Rowan said. "You're good at creature stuff; you can help us figure out what else might have been in the forest."

Liz didn't seem happy, but agreed anyway.

The time spent sitting up had made her feel worse. Tessa sagged back into her bed, hoping that she'd be given another dose of pain relieving potion before she'd be expected to sleep.

Another month passed. Pippa was proven a liar, having not even been attacked at all, much less by a werewolf. The story did have a hole in it, though: there had been silver fur stuck to Pippa's sleeve - probably got there when it snagged on a branch - but if she'd seen a hippogriff, there should have been feathers, not fur. Liz confirmed that nothing living in the forest had silver fur, so where had it come from? It made Tessa wonder if it had anything to do with what had happened to the Hufflepuff.

Chiara Lobosca. Tessa had made sure to find out her name.

Tessa's eyes turned blue, then green, and the pain was as bad as the previous month. The Hospital Wing had been more crowded this time, which didn't help her headache, thank you, but interestingly there had been someone whose curtains were drawn.

Another month. Tessa's eyes turned blue, and there were rumors that a strange man was wandering the castle grounds. Her headache wasn't too bad this time around, so when Gracie wanted to investigate, Tessa was right there with her sneaking around. The man had clearly seen better days, but he didn't seem like a threat. A grey wolf puppy followed at his heels as he made his way to an unused side door of the castle to lean against the wall. Odd, but nothing noteworthy.

That was when Chiara came out of that unused door to hand the man some sort of potion.

Gracie had never been known for her self control. The man almost found himself hexed to bits, but Chiara frantically explained that he was a friend, and she was just doing him a favor. And then, understandably, she asked Gracie to leave - but confusingly, she asked Tessa to stay.

"It's fine," Tessa said, nudging her still suspicious sister.

With Gracie gone, Chiara revealed everything. There had been a werewolf in the woods the night Pippa was attacked: her. It was why she'd been in such rough condition in the Hospital wing. At that, the man - Remus Lupin - cut her explanation off.

"You shouldn't have been hurt," he told Chiara. "Not if you've been taking your potions."

"Potions?" Tessa asked, feeling wildly out of her element.

Lupin kept his eyes on Chiara as he explained, "Wolfsbane. A werewolf drinks it every night the week leading up to the full moon, and when they transform, they're able to keep their mind with them. Without it, the wolf takes complete control. That's why we're dangerous."

Right, because he was a werewolf too. Two werewolves. Sometimes Tessa just could not believe her life.

"You told me these were spare potions," Lupin said in the same tone a parent might use on a child who lied about the broken lamp.

Chiara sighed. "They're mine."

"Why would you give away your potions?" he asked. "You've been letting yourself be hurt, and put the school in danger."

"I wanted to help you," Chiara said. "I'm being given potions for free every month by the school, and with the Aconite shortage, you can't get any. I wanted you to have peaceful moons for once."

Lupin smiled, but he was visibly sad. "That's remarkably kind of you, Chiara, but I can't allow you to keep this up. You're a student; you need them more than me, especially if you aren't being restrained."

"But what will you do?" Tessa asked. "If you can't get potions - "

"I've managed this long," Lupin said firmly. "I'll find a solution somewhere else. There are far worse things to lose than control."

"You're leaving?" Chiara asked.

"It's for the best."

"But - "

Lupin shook his head. "I'm grateful for the past few months, but this can't go on any longer. I'll be okay."

"When I invent a better method," Chiara said, determined, "I'll contact you first."

"I have no doubt you will," Lupin said.

Tessa wasn't sure why Chiara had asked her to stay with them. She felt as though she was intruding on something personal. There was clearly more to the story that neither of them were saying, something that had connected them deeply in such a short amount of time. It could just be the werewolf thing, but Lupin seemed so lonely, and Chiara had never made any friends that Tessa knew of. Perhaps that was it.

"Tessa?"

She snapped back to attention. "Yes?"

"May I speak with you for a moment?" Lupin asked. "I'll say a proper goodbye after," he added as Chiara opened her mouth to say something.

When he explained it, it all made sense. Of course St. Mungos had no record of patients like her. Those that knew what it meant were too afraid to admit it.

There are worse things to lose than control. Tessa thought that she understood why Lupin was so lonely, now, and it made her want to cry, but there was something more important to focus on.

When she found Chiara at sunset, Tessa wasn't scared.

"What are you doing out here?" Chiara demanded. "You have to leave!"

Tessa shook her head. "I'm staying with you."

"I'm not on Wolfsbane, Tessa, I'll kill you!" Chiara exclaimed, backing away toward the forest and glancing up at the darkening sky. "Go inside!"

Instead of answering, Tessa reached out to grab Chiara's hand.

Chiara tried to jerk back, but Tessa gripped harder, not letting her run. It was just like in the fairytale. Beautiful swirls of red magic rose from their joined hands to wrap around them both. Tessa could feel it in her lungs, her heart, even her stomach. It settled deep inside her own magic as if it was meant to be there all along. Within only a few heartbeats the swirls faded, and Chiara's gaze slipped to their joined hands.

"You won't hurt me," Tessa told her, headache nowhere to be found. "I can make the pain go away."

Chiara believed her, and when the wolf came out, silver and menacing, it led her into the forest, snarling but docile.

Morning rose, and Tessa was in no pain as she carried Chiara inside.

[solitaire-sol]

Prongsfoot Week 2023 - Day 1

This... maybe got away from me a bit, but I'll take any chance to present my Prongsfoot ramblings in a semi-organized fashion!

When and Why did you begin to Ship Prongsfoot? What makes you Ship it? Basically, just gush on this ship.

Somewhat ironically, developing a NOTP led me to this OTP: Back when the books were still coming out, I was a Harmony shipper. (Not a crazy one, I swear!) This led to a lot of "discussions" with people who shipped other pairings, but most relevantly with several Sirius/Remus fans who were both extremely disdainful of my noncanon ship and adamant that their ship was, in fact, canon/eventual canon. This led to little Past Me re-reading the PoA and post-PoA books multiple times, trying and failing to see this "proof" of Wolfstar, but in the process paying a lot more attention to pre-Golden Trio characters. "Actually," I thought, "Sirius seems a lot more attached to Harry's dad than to Lupin. Huh." I found myself fascinated by their dynamic, by the hold Sirius' friendship with (and loss of) James had on Sirius, and how much is implied about James that we don't get to see (the Potter lineage, James "maturing," etc). Imagine my disappointment when not only was Sirius/James not popular, but Wolfstar, which didn't appeal to me, was only gaining steam (see: "Wolfstar is canon/eventual canon!"). Shipping wars were more 'maniacal sports fans' than 'political discourse' at the time, but between being deep into then-fandom and not liking Wolfstar, I found myself shipping Sirius/James almost by accident because… Well, it just made so much more sense.

Yes, James is dead before the series actually starts; yes, James marries a woman and has a son; but I've yet to meet a fandom that lets such paltry things as 'canonical facts' stop a ship, and it's always baffled me that Prongsfoot isn't more widely recognized for its potential, if nothing else. I will always believe this stems from a one-two punch of early HP fandom's obsession with canon vs noncanon, Jily being canon, which led to Wolfstar and the subsequent idea that Sirius "belongs" to Remus With the series completed, we have a surprisingly complex character in James, tantalizingly hinted-at if not explored in-depth, and we're given ample on-page examples of Sirius' exceptional qualities as well as his deep attachment to James, who must be exceptional himself to command this kind of devotion and affection. They're the most interesting characters to me, for what we see and what we don't see, and unlike a lot of other pairings they don't require a hammer and chisel to force them into a romantic mold: They're best friends and platonic soulmates, but they could just as easily be romantic partners and the shift feels completely natural. There's an equality and an authenticity to their partnership that I cherish deeply and don't find in a lot of their other ships, which often require them to be OOC… and if a fic doesn't include them as each other's best friend and Most Important Person, I consider it OOC.

In a way, lack of good James/Sirius friendship nudged me towards actual Prongsfoot because other ships de-emphasize the importance of James and Sirius in each others' lives to make the ship work, including outright giving their roles away, ex. someone else being the only person who can rein James in, Sirius running away to [name here] instead of to James. James and Sirius make each other more themselves, for better and for worse, and I honestly believe that they believe it's always for the better: They embrace each other's strengths and weaknesses, love each other for their flaws instead of despite them, support each other even after death (if the memory of James wasn't instrumental in Sirius surviving Azkaban, I'll eat my nonexistent hat). Sirius has so much devotion to James, enough to eat rats and face death for James' son, his godson, who he had a year of knowing before it all went to hell, that I find it hard to believe he had much room for anyone else; and from what we see, that devotion was absolutely reciprocated. Even after marrying Lily, even after Harry, JamesandSirius were such a thing that James' own wife writes to Sirius to say my husband is down and only you can make him feel better, not his wife or child or other friends. They would have buried bodies for each other, and I'd be surprised if that didn't actually happen off-page. What we see of their past makes it clear that they existed together in some rarefied space that would have absolutely continued regardless of who they dated or who they married or where they wound up. I'll always be a little sad that we didn't get more of these two in canon, and I'll always be equal parts frustrated and bewildered that these two are not the Marauder ship, or at least a much much more popular ship than they are.

Over time, the popular depictions of James and Sirius grew increasingly incompatible with the way I saw them, which is generally closer to canon: James is not an idiot jock or an indiscriminate bully (he's very discriminate, thank you) or an abuser, Sirius is not an idiot sex addict or peer-pressured by James into bullying (he's absolutely an active bully of Snape & Co) or there solely to fawn over Remus. This is also where I started to dislike Remus, sorry Remus fans, neither uwu softboi Remus and uberdom alpha Remus are my jam I eventually fell out of fandom in general and didn't think more than the occasional wistful thought until I re-read the books and had that Prongsfoot flame reignited, enough that I started to read HP fic and even write/post stuff again. I'm endlessly grateful for the authors who put such wonderful work out there, and for people who cultivate this little pocket of a fandom that's otherwise become alien to me, as someone who just doesn't get much of New Marauder Fandom and its ATYD influences.

James and Sirius are soulmates and friends-to-lovers and fluff and angst and boyish exuberance and the uncertainty of growing up, they're knowing you're meant to spend your lives together and struggling to exist when your other half is gone, they're sweet domesticity and the darkness of war and Good vs Evil and all the shades of gray, they're loving someone relentlessly and instinctively and maybe unwisely but knowing it's 100% reciprocated, no-strings-attached, because you can't be any other way and wouldn't change that (or them) if you could. There's just so many ways to explore Prongsfoot and all of it works because these boys contain multitudes, and I just want to gather all of it around me like a nesting squirrel and snuggle down amidst the Prongsfoot goodness.

[steelycunt]

love the sirius talk he really is just so all over the place in fact I think one of the reasons I like r/s as much as I do is because of the fact that genuinely no body else knows sirius as well as remus does no one else knows exactly how kind and cruel he can be and through it all remus is still obsessed with him. even when he doesn’t know if he’s a good person or even when he thinks he’s a terrible one and same honestly he’s got me wrapped around his finger even if I wish he didn’t. and I’m always thinking about that scene in POA when he’s talking to harry about the ministry administering the dementors kiss and he doesn’t want sirius to get the kiss even though he doesn’t know he’s innocent yet, or just how emotional and jumpy he was whenever sirius was brought up at all.. and then how completely cold he was to peter when he learnt the truth. even though he loved him once like family and spent 12 years mourning him he’s completely unattached and cold to peter but he’s spent 12 years hating sirius and still couldn’t detach himself from him. he had 12 years to move on and he just! couldn’t! he’s obsessed!! i love the way that they didn’t have the kind of relationship that could withstand anything cause they’re barely able to keep themselves together let alone a relationship and they were just always in the worst circumstances but no matter what they always came back to each other. it’s like the complete opposite of destined lovers or whatever it’s called it’s like they weren’t supposed to be together but there was nothing the universe could throw at them that would make remus not be completely consumed by sirius no matter how much he might hate him or how long they were apart he could never move on. it reads like such a Tragedy, reminds me of that post on here that’s like the love was there even if it couldn’t save the day or didn’t make a difference in the grand scheme it was there and that’s what’s important. he was nothing short of devoted to sirius truly the Best sirius is the one through remus’ eyes cause he could look at this insufferable posh asshole and know the hurt he could evoke better then anyone and be in a constant loosing fight against fucking fate itself and still go ‘yeah he’s worth it’

hii yes especially love ur point about remus' varying responses to peter and sirius when he thinks they're each the traitor!! insane!! and such a testament to how inescapable his feelings for sirius are like. that's it that's the whole thing he could never manage to rid himself of it...twelve whole years and he couldn't cut it out of himself they're just SO. yeah. they don't by any means fix each other but they need each other anyway because honestly the alternative is just as bad. they are just as useless without each other. remus went without him for twelve years and that still did no good. i don't like the term soulmates nor do i necessarily believe in higher powers/the kind of predestination that might be implied by the term fated, but i don't know what else to call them they're just stuck with each other. and there comes a point where they are sooo tangled up in each other's lives--that mary oliver quote about not knowing where to drop the knife of separation--that everything will inevitably come back to each other. time and the course of their lives ensures that they remain the only two people who could possibly understand each other, and in that way they're sort of fashioned into soulmates. not in the sense that they were predestined but that they had little control over how absolutely their relationship consumed them both, past the point of choosing to love each other when they were fucking. sixteen or something.

[spxllcxstxr]

Inked • S.B

(Gif not mine)

Request: Hi! Could I request a Soulmate AU with Sirius please? Marauders era with matching tattoos. No rush and thank you 🌹🖤 — @fific7

Summary: Mary is determined to find your soulmate and not even an oncoming storm will stop her. (Soulmate AU)

Warnings: some tattoo talk?, rain, thunder, I guess hints/implied bullying, Peter makes an appearance but like he’s not a key part and he’s not like bad or anything

Word Count: 2.3k

A.N: This is the kind of star I’m envisioning for your soulmark (just not yellow) I actually never specify the color, so you can imagine any color you want. This took me like a week to write for some reason. But I like how it turned out. Hopefully you guys do too! Love you all ❤️

****

No one ever told you that soulmarks tingled.

When the eight pointed star seared itself into the flesh of the inside of your left elbow at age sixteen, you thought that was it. You thought that it would just sit there innocently to the point where it wouldn’t cross your mind every second of every day, but Merlin were you wrong.

The prickling of the mark was constant, like pins and needles jabbing relentlessly into your arm. It wasn’t exactly painful, it was just an obnoxious and infuriating reminder that you still haven’t found your soulmate.

Hogwarts was practically the place for the vast majority of witches and wizards to find their soulmate, as it was basically the only topic discussed amongst the sixth and seventh years.

Honestly, you just wanted your mark to stop its incessant tingling to the point where you wouldn’t mind anyone being your soulmate. You’ve never heard any complaints from your friends who had already found their true loves, so you assume that the sensation stops eventually.

But you were tired of scratching at your arm making it look like you had some weird sort of flesh eating disease. It was unflattering and highly inconvenient.

Sure, you could run around like a headless hippogriff with your sleeve rolled up asking everyone you encounter if they’ve seen another person with that identical mark, but that’s not romantic. And you wanted romantic, Merlin damn it.

Plus, imagine the burn of embarrassment that would overtake your entire being if no one shared your soulmark. You shudder at the mere thought.

So, you learn to live with it.

You almost want to rip your arm off when it gets particularly bad while studying or trying to get the perfect measurement for your potion, but after a full year you’re almost used to it.

You’re used to how often your friends would gush about their own soulmates and their constant questions about why you’re still single as well.

Mary MacDonald, one of your best friends, had already found her soulmate, some boy from Beauxbatons that sent her too many Howlers during breakfast, but they loved each other, so who were you to complain?

But ever since she found hers, she’s been pretty determined to seek out yours. Even getting her boyfriend to ask around his own school. You can never show your face around Beauxbatons and that’s final.

She’ll make you sit around the courtyard, pretending to read a book, while she scans the arms of the many crowds in search of your star. Mary tries to walk in on top secret Quidditch practices to get a glimpse of any rolled up sleeves, but so far, no good.

That’s really the only reason she’s dragging you down to the Black Lake even though dark grey clouds are hanging heavy in the sky.

“Mary!” You huff as she drags you down the grassy hills, the smell of rain thick in the air. “I know what you’re doing, I’m not daft, y’know.”

Her hand tightens around yours as she starts to feel you resist.

“What I’m doing? (Y/n), it’s a nice day to just hang out at the lake!” Mary cries, the lie hidden well if she wasn’t your best friend.

“Mary it’s about to torrential downpour.” You scoff.

“I thought you liked the rain.” She shrugs innocently, the sound of weeds getting crushed beneath your school shoes loud in your ears.

“Mary, my soulmate might not even be at Hogwarts!” You exclaim, trying to get out of this whole situation. You could be curled up by the fire with a sugar quill, but no, why would Mary let you have some peace and quiet? “They might be older or younger than me—“

“Well we won’t know that, will we, until we check everyone in our year first.” She insists.

The deep murky water is in sight, a few people are lazily lounging around the water’s edge. Like they haven’t even noticed the rain clouds overhead.

“You’re obsessed.” You sigh, finally stopping your attempts to wriggle away from her.

“It’s because I love you.” She smiles sweetly at you, cheeks pushed high, obscuring her dark eyes.

You continue to rub the inside of your arm against the side of your abdomen, attempting to find some sort of relief. The scratchy fabric of your white button down against your grey vest is probably the most effective. The closer to the bank you get, the better you’re able to make out the figures.

The owner of the vibrant red hair was obviously Lily, one of Mary’s friends, and also the more sensible of the group considering her coat was tightly wrapped around her. She’s in a somewhat similar situation as you—she hasn’t shown her soulmark to anyone. However, if what Mary drunkenly told you one night is true, it matches James Potter’s to a tee. Poor her.

Peter was also there, kicking rocks around and chuckling at whatever story Lily was telling them. His Gryffindor jumper is a little short on him while his slacks are a little long, mud dirtying the hem of them. As far as you know, he doesn’t even have a soulmark. It’s not uncommon or something to be ashamed of, but ever since certain people found out, it’s been quite the issue. Sure the infamous Marauders took care of the situation the best they could, but the damage was already done.

The last person was obviously Sirius, you could tell by the way he has his wand situated in his bun. He was closer to the water, picking up flat stones to skip across. His bark like laugh echoing across the space. You and Mary weren’t too far from the group now, so you could tell that the top two buttons of his dress shirt were popped open. Sirius Black’s soulmark was another mystery. He seems like the type to brag about something as important as a soulmark, but as far as you know, only James, Remus, and Peter were privy to that sort of information.

“Hey guys!” Lily perks up, waving at the two of you.

You smile and wave at her, but as Mary stops and chat, you gravitate closer to Peter and Sirius.

“So where are the other two?” You ask, watching as his stone skips across the water, finally ending with a satisfying plunk!

Sirius turns to face you, a few loose strands framing his face, blowing slightly in the wind.

“Detention.” He remarks casually, lazily trying to tame his curls.

“And you two aren’t?”

Peter shakes his head enthusiastically, blond hair bobbing around. “Sirius and I managed to escape before Slughorn lost it.”

“Hey Pete!” You hear Mary call from behind you. “Don’t you wanna know what you missed in Muggle Studies?”

“Shit, yeah.” Peter bounds over to where Lily and Mary are sitting, leaving you and Sirius alone. Your feet shuffle at the predicament.

You slowly inch closer to Sirius, the large distance awkward without a third person. You’re forced to hold down a wince as your mark prickles almost painfully.

Sirius’ eyes are almost the same shade as the clouds in the sky as they pierce into yours.

“You know how to skip rocks?” He tosses you a smooth stone which you catch effortlessly.

You open your mouth to respond but before you’re able to, you’re cut off by a clap of thunder. The ripples of thunder makes you jump slightly.

“We should probably go inside—“ You start, shivering at the cold wind that begins to roll past you.

“Scared of a little thunder, (Y/n)?” Sirius teases, smirking at your shivering form.

“Don’t be a prick.” You snort. “Just throw your rock.”

You push the thought of the oncoming storm to the back of your mind as you position yourself on the bank.

The water laps at you shoes as you toe the edge, running your thumb over the smooth surface. You mirror Sirius’ position, slightly crouched at the knee, body angled towards the lake.

“One...two...three!”

You watch his body move fluidly through the positions, the stone releasing and skipping across the water delicately. Not only do you get distracted by Sirius, but the mark on your arm gives a sudden jolt, making your posture falter and your stone crash recklessly into the lake.

Sirius brings a ringed fist up to his mouth, trying and failing to stifle a laugh.

“It’s not that funny.” You grumble, embarrassed.

“I mean, it’s pretty fucking hilarious. I thought you said you knew how to skip rocks?” He crosses his arms over his chest, eyebrows raised, a chuckle still lightly escaping his amused smile.

“Technically, I didn’t tell you shit.” You remark. “The thunder cut me off.”

“Ah yes. The spooky thunder.” He drawls, wagging his painted fingers at you mockingly.

You bring your hand up to flick him off when you feel a cool dot of water drop onto your hand.

“Hey, did you just feel a—“

In the middle of talking, one raindrop becomes hundreds, the torrential downpour almost instantly soaking you to your bones. You hair plasters to your skin, clothes clinging onto you.

“—raindrop?” You utter weekly, a chill coming over you.

Your eyes widen as you look at Sirius, how his dark hair sticks wildly to his face, like curtains across his eyes.

Lily and Mary let out identical high pitched shrieks, and you hear the sound of mud squelching as the three run back towards the castle.

As Sirius tries to wipe the wet hair from his face, you grab onto his wrist, pulling him as your sprint back to the castle. You’re fumbling as you try not to slip in the mud but at the same time try get to the cover of the castle quickly.

“A little thunder, my arse, Sirius!” You huff out, his wrist still grasped tightly in your hand.

You hear him chuckle behind you, easily keeping up with your pace.

Cold water traces down your back and fills your shoes, your discomfort rapidly increasing with every step and every second you spend outdoors.

Your mind drifts off to Sirius, who was only in his white uniform button down. He must be freezing.

After sloshing through puddles and mucking up your shoes, you manage to get under the cover of the stone castle.

Your teeth are chattering and you body trembles, but at least the rain isn’t cutting into your skin anymore.

Lily, Mary, and Peter are nowhere to be found, though they’re probably making their way to the Gryffindor common room already.

Sirius is wringing out his drenched dark curls, his wand between his lips, but you’re too focused in the face that his shirt is now completely see through. Your eyes wander as you ogle his fit body, shamelessly trailing everywhere. You bite your bottom lip at your confidence.

However, something catches your eye as you admire his arms. A black splotch. Like a tattoo in the inside of his elbow. You somehow go colder than you already were.

“Admiring my beauty—Hey!”

You step forward and latch onto his arm, trying to get a better look at the spot on his arm. Initially, he struggles, but you jab your finger into his skin, your own mark tingling beneath your wet clothes.

“What’s your problem, (Y/n)?” He angrily grunts.

“What’s this, Sirius?” You demand, looking at him.

“Why?” Sirius rips his arm out of your grasp, trying his best to hide the mark from you.

“Because,” You explain, rolling up your own sleeve to expose the eight pointed star on your arm. “We might have something in common.”

Your entire body erupts into shivers both from the cold wind against your soaked skin and the way your soulmark buzzing.

The star stands out against your skin and you watch Sirius’ eyes widen, his jaw going slightly slack.

“Sirius.” You whisper. “I need to know if you’re my soulmate.”

The rain pounds against the castle, wind whistles, and thunder claps, and yet you don’t jump. You’re too focused on Sirius’ expression.

Silently, he brings his index finger to your mark and lightly traces the shape with his fingertip. His finger is cold, but you barely realize it because of the shock that runs through your body, originating from his touch. Goosebumps run wildly across your flesh.

He swallows harshly before pulling away and recklessly pushes his sleeve up the length of his arm. Your heart beats wildly in your chest in anticipation.

Sirius shoves his arm in front of you and you bring your gaze to focus on the inside of his elbow.

And there it is.

His soulmark.

Your soulmark.

The lines are clean and the points are sharp, the star is clear against his skin.

“Oh.”

“You’re my soulmate.” Sirius mutters. “Oh thank Merlin!” He’s laughing, a smile growing across his face.

His laughter is infectious and you find yourself joining him, practically jumping with glee.

Sirius latches onto you, pulling your wet bodies close. He brings his lips to your forehead, warmth spreading from the contact.

“We should celebrate.” Sirius remarks, pulling away just enough to see your entire form.

“Hold on.” You chuckle. “I think you’re forgetting to do something.”

His grey eyes flick down to your lips. “How could I ever forget the best part?” He smirks.

You lips are slow to connect, relishing in the sounds of the rain and how his his hands wrap around your elbows, thumb pressed into your mark.

When they finally join together, you feel whole. Like two puzzle pieces linked together. Eyes flutter shut as emotion run rampant through your body. Your mark tingles before fizzling out when you and Sirius disconnect.

You’re breathless as you cling onto him, as he clings onto you.

“We’ve got a party to throw,” Sirius grabs your hand. “soulmate.”

A stupid grin makes its way across your face.

“Lead the way, soulmate.”

•

Sirius Black Taglist: @quindolyn @fific7 @msmb @lunalovecroft

All Character Taglist: @aspiringsloth20 @amourtentiaa @cherie-draco

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Twelve

James Potter x OC

A/N: At last, the long awaited chapter. Sorry for the wait, my laptop has been failing on me. Hope you enjoy.

Words: 3,8k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight  Chapter Nine  Chapter Ten  Chapter Eleven

It was the last weekend before the beginning of the exams for literally everybody. The library was packed with not a single seat unoccupied as well as the common room, where people had even taken to sitting on the floor to study, the dorms being too sitfling.

I had been one of the lucky ones to get a seat at a table, revising my notes with James next to me.

"How do you brew the Elixir to Induce Euphoria?"

"You add shrivelfig, porcupine quills and stir four times anti-clockwise. Then you add a sprig of peppermint, Sopophorous beans and wormwood and stir six times anti-clockwise," James recited, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers.

"That is correct."

"Yes!"

"Alright, your turn-"

"Hey, what about my reward?" James asked and I looked at him questioningly, "My kiss?" He pouted and I gave in almost immediately, not being able to resist his big earth-coloured eyes as I leant forward to press my lips against his.

"Hmm, that's it," he hummed approvingly and it made my face grow as I thought of him saying it during certain other circumstances. I was a girl, a sixteen year old girl, and of bloody course my mind would wander towards certain things that I could be doing instead of studying, now that I had a boyfriend...things, that I couldn't have had managed before on my own. And with a boyfriend as hot as mine I couldn't help but let my gaze linger whenever he stretched himself during Quidditch warm-ups, causing his shirt to deliciously rile up and reveal his abs, or watching him bite his lips whenever he concentrated hard on something, wishing he would bite me-

"Love? Cec? Hellooo?" James snapped his fingers in front of my face and I blinked. "Are you spacing out on me? Siriusly? After you dragged my ass to sit and study with you? Jeez, then ungratefulness stinks," he huffed in mock-annoyance and I shook my head to get the thoughts out.

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

"It's my turn. What colour does the Potion have and what is it for?"

"The colour should be a bright yellow and as the name implies, it's supposed to induce the drinker in a sudden euphoria."

"That is absolutely correct!"

"Of course it is," I replied arrogantly, flinging my hair before giggling. James smirked, leaning forward. "Come and get your reward then." My heart leaped in my chest but I managed to stop him with a hand on his chest. "Nah, I'm good," I teased with a shrug, briefly wondering where Marlene was. She would have been so proud of me right now. James frowned for a second before promptly throwing himself on me. "Uff, James!" I exclaimed, pearls of laughter escaping as he snuck his arms around me to lessen the blow of landing on the hard floor, pinning me down effectively with his body.

"How dare you reject my generous offer of rewarding you with a kiss?" James said gravely, chuckles drifting through his words, "You shall be punished with more rewards."

"Bite me!"

"Gladly!" I squealed as he started attacking my neck, nipping playfully at the sensitive skin.

"Can you stop with your childish antics?!” Lily's voice ripped through our laughter. She stood up with a peeved look, gathering her things. "Some people are actually trying to study!" She stormed off before any of us could form an answer.

James sprang up, adjusting his glasses as he held out a hand for me whilst looking after her. I brushed off any dirt from my clothes and went to sit down.

"I should probably go and check on her," he suggested and I wanted to ask why when he was already taking off.

"Alright," I said lamely to his back, watching until he disappeared through the portrait hole. I plopped back down on my seat, glancing at Alice, who was completely immersed in her notes, not even aware her best friend's departure. Looking down at my own notes, I tried to focus but my eyes kept drifting from word to word without taking anything in as my mind kept replaying the way James ran after Lily with little to no hesitation. 

'You're thinking too much into it...

...I wonder what they are doing right now...'

I sighed loudly, frustrated that I couldn't let it go. Peeking at the only studious girl at the table, I stood up. "I'm...gonna go to the loo," I excused myself and left when I received no response.

Walking out of the common room, I promptly slapped myself on the forehead.

Was I really going to follow them like a creepy, insecure girlfriend? Obviously.

Was I going to find them with the head start they had now? Obviously not. Dumbass.

Glancing back at the portrait of the Fat Lady guarding our entrance, I pondered whether to go back inside or try looking for them. Lily was most likely heading to the library to join Remus at his study table that he had occupied since this morning. I cringed at my own behaviour when I decided to look for them. 'Im just making sure she's fine so I can focus back on my exams,' I reassured myself, 'Nothing creepy about tha-'

"Ow-!"

"Oi, Cec," Sirius greeted me gruffly, holding onto my arm until I steadied myself as he had bumped against me quite strongly, "Sorry about that. Didn't see you from the corner."

"It's all good," I replied, glad for the distraction as I straightened my robe and looked up at him. He seemed distraught, his hair unkempt and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. I would have guessed he had a good snogging session if it weren't for the sad glistening in his eyes. "Hey Sirius," I called softly as he fidgeted, already turning away, "Is everything alright?"

"Hm?" he looked over his shoulder, his expression carefully blank, "Yeah, of course. Everything is fine. Why?"

I shrugged, not wanting to point out how he seemed less than his usual joyful facade. "Just asking. Where you've been anyway? I thought we would study together in the common room?"

His face twisted into something akin to anguish and I furrowed my eyebrows. "I was with Reg..ulus," he said, turning away.

"Did som-"

"Look, I don't wanna talk about it," he snapped.

"Sirius..." He stormed off towards the portrait hole and I was left staring after a back for the second time this day. I felt the worry built up, sensing that something bad must have happened. Because, no matter how hurt or angry Sirius was, he was always very good at hiding it. Unless he was drunk or something major had happened. And since he didn't seem drunk right now...my feet started moving before my mind had been made up, walking back towards the Fat Lady and pushing every thought of James and Lily into the back of my mind. This was urgent, my platonic soulmate was in pain after all.

Stepping into the common room, I spotted the black-haired boy rush up the boys dormitory and steeled myself before following him upstairs, hoping nobody saw me step to left instead of the right passage towards the rooms. I tentatively walked down the small hallway I had never dared to step in in all my six years before, searching the signs on the doors for the Sixth Year's dormitories. Pressing an ear on one of the doors, I listened for any sound. Fortunately, there were some shuffles and the familiar voice of my friend cursing as he dropped something heavy. Just as I contemplated on whether to knock, the door swung up revealing Sirius, who had rid himself of his robe and jumper, holding a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand and the other tightly wound around the door handle.

"What are you doing?" he asked, narrowing his shining eyes.

"I-"

"Just leave," he grumbled, his voice tense as he was holding back the tears that hadn't fallen yet. Dread filled me now as he rushed past me to the bathroom, shutting the door soundly behind him. Something was seriously wrong. This time, I didn't hesitate to follow him, pushing back the cringe at opening a boy's bathroom and peeking in. The room was empty except for one shower cabinet in the far back where the water was turned on, running at full blast.

"Sirius, I hope you are not naked, because I'm coming in," I warned, giving him a second before I opened the cabinet to find him sitting on the floor, drinking from the bottle of Firewhiskey as the water pattered down on him.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he mumbled, his voice thick and croaky from the burn of the alcohol, "I don't want to talk about it." He leaned his head back, closing his eyes as the water trickled down on his face and further, drenching his clothes.

"We don't need to talk," I said quietly, hoping he could hear me over the water, "I just wanna be here for you." And with that, I stepped in fully-clothed and closed the cabinet door behind me, sliding down next to him as I proceeded to get completely wet in a less than a few seconds. Sirius kept quiet, only raising his bottle to me before pressing it against his own lips when I shook my head, wondering which of the drops trailing down his face were from the shower head and which from his sorrowful eyes.

I wasn't sure how long we sat there but Sirius got up after what seemed like hours, clearing his throat as he lowered the water volume. "I'm...gonna get you the Invisibility Cloak so you can sneak out. Wait here." I nodded. "And don't turn the water off or someone might come in." I nodded again and he stepped over me, pushing the door open and disappearing from sight. I sighed as he left, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of my clothes sticking to my skin. He came back after a few minutes with cloak and wand in hand, casting a Hot Air Charm over me as I got up and turned off the shower head. It was completely silent, but somber in some way as we proceeded to walk out of the bathroom with me under the cloak and him at the front. He held the door open, squinting to see if I had passed and I mumbled a quiet 'thanks' when I was out.

Nodding, he stepped out as well, shoving his hands into his pockets, having dried himself as well. "I will...see you around," he said, a softness in his voice and slightly slurring, "I'm just gonna head to bed."

I nodded before realising he couldn't see me. "Okay. Sleep well, Sirius."

"You too."

Turning away, I took a few steps when I heard Sirius whisper my name. "Cec, I- thank you. For being there," he stammered, seeming uncharacteristically unsure of himself. I wondered then, how many people he had shown his emotional side before. Guessing from what I knew about him, I would say it dwindled down to the four people he kept the closest plus maybe Regulus. It warmed me, that he now included me into that circle as well even if I kind of forced him to as I had followed him around. "Cec?" he called out questioningly, his grey eyes flittering around as he pondered whether I was still there or not. I quickly stepped back towards him, carefully taking his hand and squeezing it slightly. "You're more than welcome, Sirius," I whispered and his eyes softened when I raised my cloak to let him see me for a split second. "Good night."

"Good night."

Walking down to the common room, I noticed a considerably less amount of people were gathered around to study, mostly Fifth and Seventh Years. But Alice was still there and even Marlene had joined her, though her face rested on her notes as she drooled on them, fast asleep. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I noticed it was past nine o'clock. The thoughts of Lily and James that I had pushed into the back of my mind resurfaced and I swept the room with my eyes in search of either of them. There was no way Lily would have gone to bed so early on the last days before the exam and I briefly remembered all the times we had together to study until past midnight for our O.W.L.'s last year. 'Was she still at the library?' But the library had been closed for an hour now.

My stomach grumbled in that moment and the sound resonated throughout the otherwise quiet room. I blushed, despite the fact that no one could see me under the cloak, as a few heads raised in confusion. Only now did I realise how hungry I was since I had missed dinner and also skipped lunch earlier this day. 'A quick snack from the kitchen it is,' I decided, walking towards the entrance and out of the common room. 'And on my way I can make a short detour to see if Lily actually managed to convince Madam Pince to let her stay past the closing hours to study. Wouldn't put it past her to play the Prefect Card for this.'

Skipping down the stairs, I took the corridor to the library and found it entirely deserted. I sighed relieved, not knowing what exactly I was relieved for, as I turned away to head towards the kitchen. The halls were empty and dark, with the occasional light of the half-moon breaking through the tall windows and I breathed in the fresh air of a summer night, enjoying the peaceful silence as I strolled towards the kitchen.

But the peace would only last for so long.

I reached the corridor with the painting of the fruit bowl, fastening my steps as my stomach gave another protesting growl. Just when I was about to tickle the pear in the painting, anticipating all the good food the elves would cook in a matter of minutes, the door opened from the inside, nearly banging against my forehead. I stumbled back as the door swung to the side, revealing James. My heart skipped a beat in surprise but also at the sight of twinkling eyes that seemed unnaturally light in all the darkness surrounding us. Grinning, I grasped at the hem of the cloak, ready to spook him when he turned back towards the kitchens, engulfing his face in a warm glow of light coming from the big room.

A shadow crossed his features and he held his hand out for Lily, who was laughing softly as she took it, letting him help her out of the hole. "Thanks," she said.

"You are very welcome," James replied with a grin as the door shut close, engulfing us all in a sudden darkness. I blinked, squinting in hopes to see better as my eyes adjusted. For a second everything was silent before the two started walking. Biting my lip, I followed them before I could think about what I was doing. 'We are all headed to the same direction, I can't help it that I need to walk behind them. And since I'm not hungry anymore- oh, who am I kidding, I'm starving,' I complained to myself, cursing my brain for having the urge to spy on the two in all my insecure glory.

They walked in silence for a while before standing on the staircase.

"Thanks for the food," Lily spoke up as they waited for the stairs to stop moving, "I really needed it."

"Figures. You didn't eat anything today," James replied.

"How do you know that?"

"Eh," I could practically feel him blush as he stammered for an answer. "I just saw you and Cec studying all day, so I guessed that you hadn't eaten anything yet. Cec hasn't at least."

"Right," Lily said quietly, walking up the stairs as they stopped moving. I followed silently, watching the moon reflect on her brilliant red hair and noticing James did, too. "You know, I was surprised how you two suddenly got together."

"Hm?" James hummed, looking at his shoes as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his robes.

"I mean, one day you were asking me out and the other you were suddenly hanging around with her and started dating," Lily said in joking manner and James chuckled along, though I couldn't grasp the joke in it. "It was...surprising, yeah," she ended awkwardly and the mood turned somber.

"Well, I guess it surprised a lot of people," James chuckled again, seemingly nervous as he ran a hand through his messy mop of hair. "But, Cec is great. She is amazing, really," he added, his voice turning steady and gentle, tugging at my heart strings. I felt a smile form on my face.

"She is quite great, yeah," Lily agreed softly. Now I felt bad for eavesdropping. 'You're siriusly messed up, dumbass,' I scolded myself. But I didn't stop. "I'm happy for you guys. It's nice to see Cec so happy and seeing a normal side of you."

James scoffed, "Normal?"

"What?" Lily giggled.

"What side of me has not been normal before?"

"I'm just saying, it's refreshing to know a side of you that wouldn't enchant cupids to read me sappy poems and throw pink glitter all over me," Lily recalled, laughing to herself as James blushed beet-red.

"Well, normal is overrated anyway," he muttered into his tie, smiling as Lily bumped her fist against his arms.

"I kinda miss it," she said and I noticed her eyes widen as soon as the sentence left her mouth. James' lips quirked up, his eyes shining. "Do you now?" he asked smugly, laughing as she slapped his arm.

"I mean," she started but paused. The mood turned slightly somber as she fiddled with her sleeve.

"You mean?" James prompted almost eagerly and I bit my lip, the tugging in my heart strings turning to harsh pulls.

Lily sighed, "It's nothing. Just, now that I know the 'normal' side of you, the one, you probably show to your friends and Cec...I think, all the stuff you used to do was quite endearing."

James kept quiet for a second. "You mean, when I endlessly chased after you?"

"All the things you did to ask me out. The cupids, the flowers, the sweets...," I distinctly heard Lily gulp as she stopped and turned towards him, causing him to falter in his steps, too. "I didn't recognise it back then, but it must have cost you a lot of effort and I think that's sweet..." James held his breath. "...and a little bit excessive." They both chuckled lightly before turning quiet, staring at the other.

"So, it was not for nothing after all," James muttered softly, almost as if he were dazed as he stared into her eyes. I clutched at the cloak tightly, feeling cold all of a sudden.

Lily cocked her head to the side, strands of red hair gliding over her shoulder like ocean waves. "Yeah. It did not get me to say yes back then, but..."

"But?" James pressed, taking a step forward.

Lily took a deep breath as if she were preparing herself for something, "But...if I had known this side of you before, I might have agreed. To- you know." I stilled, my tight grip on the cloak loosening slightly. James' eyes widened and I could see the elation spread through his face even if he didn't smile.

"To going out with me?" he asked breathlessly. Lily hesitated before she nodded. For a minute, we all stood in silence as James stared at her, dumbfounded. Lily's eyes flickered around as if she were scared to get caught. "Anyway, it doesn't matter!" she stated, too loudly for the quiet atmosphere, "I mean, you are with Cec now and you guys are happy."

"Yeah...yeah we are," James said, still in stupor.

"Yeah, so..." Lily gestured forward, turning to start walking again.

"But what if we aren't?" James spoke up, causing her to halt in her footsteps. My heart stopped.

"What?" she asked, looking at him over her shoulder.

It was James' turn to take a deep breath as if he were preparing himself for something, "What if Cec and I weren't happy?"

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean? You guys look besotted with each other."

"Yeah, that's the thing," James said firmly, determination flooding his features. "We look like we are besotted with each other. It was an act." I swayed slightly as if I had been punched in the chest. "It was just an act." It was just an act. The words seemed to echo in the hallway, pounding relentlessly into my eardrums as I stood frozen, staring the bespectacled boy.

"It was an act?" Lily asked incredulously. James nodded. She turned towards him fully in disbelief. "You were acting like you were together?!" James nodded again. "Why?"

"I was trying to show you a more civil side of me," he said and my eyes widened. 'Be civil' I heard my own voice resonate through my mind. I tried to keep my breathing even as my chin trembled. "I wanted you to see what kind of guy I am since you wouldn't go out with me. I wanted you to see the real me. How I would be if we were together."

Lily stared at him. "I don't even know what to say...," she trailed off.

"Since you appreciated all the efforts I put into asking you out, you could appreciate this as well?" James asked hopefully and I was starting to feel sick. It was just an act. Something in me shattered. I turned away, trying to shield the little, constricting organ in my chest from his words.

"But wait, is Cec part of this? How is she managing to pretend this whole time?" she pondered and James' face fell. Noticing this, she narrowed her eyes at him. "Is she pretending, James? Does she know about your relationship being an act?"

James tensed up, biting his lip as he glanced away and it was all the answer that Lily needed. Her emerald green eyes widened. "James...," she breathed in disbelief, "How could you do this to her?"

"Listen, Cec won't take it too hard," James tried as Lily shook her head in disbelief, "She knows it's nothing serious. We've grown closer, yes, as friends."

"I don't think she sees it like that," Lily responded and I chose that moment to walk away. Because she was absolutely right.

Chapter Thirteen

[weighty-ghosts]

‘Let Me Live That Fantasy’ (wolfstar royal AU)

Let Me Live That Fantasy, by weightyghosts

“Lord Remus knew that he was risking heartbreak from the moment he met Prince Sirius and they began a secret, passionate affair. He was always aware that the prince was destined to sit on the throne, but after an unforeseen revelation, the two of them must choose if their love is worth fighting for in a future that has no place for it.”

Rating: teen

Word count: 2805

Pairing: Remus x Sirius

Published: June 1, 2021

Warnings: suggestive themes, implied sexual content, implied period-typical homophobia 

Author’s Note: this was written for a writing competition on Instagram, the prompt was to write either a royal or soulmate AU. The title is from the song ‘Royals’ by Lorde.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31637216

     “Don’t leave.”

Remus sighed at the plea murmured into the bare skin of his chest. “You know I must,” he replied.

There was a grumble of displeasure, and then a pair of striking grey eyes looked up at him, hooded beneath black brows that were pulled together in a frown. “The only thing you ‘must’ do is lay still while I kiss you.”

Remus gave in embarrassingly quickly. “If you insist,” he said, positively melting at the radiant smile he received in response. 

Those eyes and that smile were largely responsible for why Remus hadn’t ever been able to deny the Prince anything. Although, Remus also wasn’t entirely sure if he was actually allowed to say ‘no�� to members of the royal family, or if it would result in an immediate public beheading. Good thing he’d never had the urge to deny this man anything he asked for. 

“I don’t believe that I’m even capable of moving at the moment,” Remus added, trying to stretch his limbs out but finding it rather difficult with a warm, heavy body laying on top of his own, legs tangled together in the tall grass. He shifted slightly, then winced. “However, there is a rather pointy stick digging into my back.”

“Wore you out, did I?” The Prince grinned with pride, then shot Remus a disapproving glare, “Why did you not tell me there was a pointy stick bothering you?”

“Because up until a minute ago, I was slightly preoccupied by another pointy stick, you see.”

The Prince blinked at him, and Remus raised an eyebrow, then they both burst into laughter, Remus’ a bit breathy from his inability to expand his lungs fully. Or maybe because he never seemed to be able to catch his breath when he was around the Prince. 

With the jostling of their bodies, the nefarious twig dug even further into the soft flesh of Remus’ back, apparently set on puncturing his liver or some other vital organ. He really had been too busy a minute ago to notice it.

But the Prince noticed it now, and his smile shifted into a sympathetic grimace. “Remus,” he gently scolded. He sat up, straddling Remus’ hips, and gently nudged Remus over until he could remove the offending thing from the ground they had made a nest in. He pushed Remus’ shoulder back down, and lowered himself so that they were chest to chest once more. “There. All better?”

“Yes,” Remus cooed in an overly-exaggerated way, “Thank you ever so much, your Royal Highness. Who would have thought royalty capable of such generous acts of kindness?” 

Remus received a vicious pinch in his side.

“Ow!” he cried, “I already knew royalty was capable of inflicting pain and punishment- the reminder was quite unnecessary, thank you.”

The Prince rolled his eyes, something only Remus was privy to and possibly also the most pedestrian thing Remus ever witnessed him doing. 

“I believe I’ve asked you not to call me that when we’re alone,” the Prince admonished.

“We’re never alone,” Remus said, unable to completely mask the bitterness in his voice. He glanced in the direction of a willow tree about two-hundred feet away, where he knew two men lounged next to four grazing horses, though he couldn’t actually see them from this vantage point.

When he looked back, those grey eyes were all he could see; round storm clouds, full of remorse and longing. “You know this is the best I can do, Remus,” the Prince asserted, “Besides, James and Peter have been sworn to secrecy as my guards. We’re in no danger here.”

Remus was certain that he was in fact in some sort of danger here, but perhaps not because of the Prince’s guards. He knew he had been in danger of irrevocable heartbreak since the moment they met at a May Day festival hosted at the castle two years prior. They had been young, only sixteen, fancying themselves invincible and impervious to the forces that controlled the Prince’s life. They got away with it for a while, but the fantasy shattered several months later when the Queen's brother walked in on them. Alphard hadn’t even seemed surprised, but he was furious at how reckless the boys had been, how easily they could have been caught by someone else, someone who wouldn’t have hesitated to have Remus thrown behind bars, or worse, for corrupting the young Prince. 

Remus knew, had seen it plainly on his face, that had been the first time the Prince had actually thought about Remus’ position and their differences in station. They’d been shaken at how easily everything they had could’ve been ripped away from them. They’d been careful after that. But it never stopped, no matter how long they went without being able to see each other, and Remus understood that this truly was the best they could do. He knew it wasn’t easy for the Prince to get away, and it was certainly impossible for him to ever be alone. 

Remus reminded himself of this, of his vow to take the man he loved however he could have him.

“I do know that this is the best chance, our only chance, to be together,” Remus nodded with a small smile. “And this was lovely. You’re lovely.”

“You’re lovely…” The Prince raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“You’re lovely, Sirius.”

Sirius kissed his nose, his lips lingering to glide over Remus’ cheekbone. “You’re lovely too, Remus. That is why I simply cannot allow you to leave.”

Remus sighed once more. He always tried to start his goodbye’s earlier, since they seemed to take longer each time the two men reunited. “I have to return to my father’s estate,” he reminded Sirius, “And you’re expected back at court soon.”

“Court is dull,” Sirius whined, his words muffled as he focused on kissing Remus’ neck.

“Oh, yes, it’s a hard life for Prince Sirius, son of King Orion, heir to the throne of all Great Britain,” Remus teased. 

Sirius stilled, and Remus no longer felt the contact of his lips on him. He was about to ask what was wrong when Sirius abruptly pulled away, climbing off of Remus without even looking him in the eye. Remus leaned up on his elbows, staring at the Prince’s taut back, confused about what had just happened. He often made jokes and poked fun at Sirius’ privileged life of leisure, and it never seemed to have bothered Sirius before. He sat up all the way, sliding next to Sirius, whose head was bowed, forearms resting on his propped knees. Remus felt the waves of tension rolling off of him, and got the sense that he shouldn’t touch him.

“What is it?” Remus asked tentatively.

Sirius took a deep breath through his nose, and raised his head, looking straight at the wild stalks of ornamental grass in front of them, the tops of which swayed gently in the breeze. “I have to tell you something, Remus.” His voice was hard, his jaw set, chin slightly lifted. As Remus gazed at Sirius’ strong profile, his sharp, aristocratic features passed down from generations of rulers and conquerors, he realized he’d never felt further away from the Prince than he did now. 

Remus steeled himself for what was coming. “Tell me.”

“My father is ill.”

Remus wasn’t sure what he’d expected to hear; perhaps that Sirius had found a suitor the King approved of, had proposed to her and was now ending things with Remus, something Remus frequently had nightmares about, but he hadn’t expected Sirius to mention the King’s health. “Your father?”

“He’s-” Sirius hesitated, “They don’t know what it is. He’s been feverish, unable to leave his bed for almost three weeks.”

“How… How does no one know about this?” Remus asked, this question the only one his mind was capable of articulating. 

Sirius’ automatic answer sounded as if he’d been told the same thing a hundred times, “Tensions are high with Spain right now, we don’t want to seem weak.”

“We’re not weak, we have you.”

Sirius clenched his teeth hard, and his nostrils flared; with anger or fear, Remus didn’t know.

“Sirius?” He prompted, when the other man said nothing. He watched Sirius swallow, lift his chin further, and then-

“I’m going to be King.”

It took a long moment for those words to penetrate Remus’ mind, and he almost didn’t catch them, they had been spoken so quietly. Or perhaps he just struggled to hear them over the ringing in his ears. He wished he hadn’t heard them. Those five words, that spoke an unavoidable truth he had always been aware of, made his stomach drop. He felt his whole world shift, and he closed his eyes, desperate to hold onto the moment from before those words, when he was happy, when his heart was full, when he had Sirius. None of that was true in this new world he’d just been dragged into against his will. He’d known from the beginning he would lose Sirius to the crown; he should have been more prepared. He thought they’d had more time.

“I don’t know if I can do it.”

Remus blinked, forcing his brain to restart and focus his attention back on the man next to him. Sirius’ arms were still resting on his knees, though his hands were clasped, his fingers red from being squeezed together so tightly. “What?” Remus managed.

“How can I make good choices for an entire nation when I can hardly make good choices for myself?”

“Because you must,” Remus answered simply. There was nothing to be done, and the reality of that settled into his core, sealing a cork over the bottle of his emotions.

“It’s not possible,” Sirius said, his voice clipped as his anger climbed steadily, “I’ll make a fool of myself and likely be assassinated before the first month is over.”

Remus huffed. “That seems rather dramatic, your Royal Highness.”

“It is realistic, Remus!” Sirius snapped, causing Remus to flinch away from the harsh tone. Sirius immediately groaned. He ran a hand over his face and through his hair, tugging on it hard, before turning his whole body to face Remus. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have raised my voice. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius repeated, searching Remus’ eyes for forgiveness. Remus remained silent, but his face must have softened somewhat because Sirius’ shoulders drooped and his entire body seemed to deflate. “What am I to do? Regulus is more suited to the throne than I, he always has been.”

“A shame he wasn’t born first, then,” Remus replied coolly. He was finding it harder and harder to accommodate Sirius’ worries, while his own threatened to push their way back up and suffocate him. 

“Please be serious,” the Prince sighed.

“I am. It’s quite simple actually. You will be king, Sirius. There’s nothing any of us can do about it. It is an inevitability.”

“I could abdicate.”

It was Remus’ turn to abruptly move away from Sirius. He reached for where his clothing had been hastily pulled off earlier, tugging his chemise angrily over his head.

“Remus-”

“I have to leave now, Sirius.”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting hysterical over, Remus, but-”

He spun around on his knees, eyes wide with incredulity. “Think, Sirius! Think of all the good you could do as King! Think of every opportunity you would be throwing away. And for what? The freedom to do whatever you like whenever you’d like it? You were never born with that freedom. You know that. It’s pointless to mourn for something you never had.”

“I do have freedom!” Sirius shouted desperately, “All I need is the freedom to see you! I don’t care about anything else!”

Remus slowly sat back on his heels, staring at Sirius hopelessly, his words stuck in his throat.

“Well?” Sirius asked expectantly. “What are we going to do?”

“I-” Remus finally looked away from him, his fingers running over the sharp blades of grass beneath him. “What are we going to do about what?”

“About us!” Sirius bellowed, his voice cracking as if he’d been screaming for hours at the top of his lungs. He took a few deep breaths to settle himself. “How are we… How would I be able to- to see you like this?”

Remus was losing control of the cork keeping his emotions at bay; he could feel the pressure of them building, bubbling up his throat. He pushed them down again as he met Sirius' eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

Sirius’ breath caught. His body froze; a shocked, stricken look on his face, as if he were absorbing the impact of a crushing blow in slow motion. “I… No, we- But- we- no-”

Sirius’ eyes filled with tears and Remus felt his heart splinter. He lost the internal battle he had been waging, and everything he’d been afraid of feeling welled up inside of him, overwhelming him like being unexpectedly pulled into a strong undertow. His next breath came out as a sob.

“I’m sorry,” Remus groaned, wishing he could take the words back. He reached his hands out instinctively. “Sirius, I’m-”

“I need you,” Sirius choked out, eyes locked on Remus’, not even seeing the arms opening up for him, “You cannot- You cannot leave me, Remus. If I’m going to do this then I need you! I can’t possibly do it without you! Please. Please don’t-”

Remus surged forward, pulling Sirius tightly to his chest as he wrapped his arms around him. He had never seen Sirius like this. He’d seen Sirius happy and cheeky; he’d seen him angry and cold; he’d seen him vulnerable and sad; loving and warm. But he’d never seen the Prince broken and despondent, and it truly scared him. “It’s alright,” he soothed, reassuring himself just as much as Sirius, “It’s alright, love.”

Sirius shook his head against Remus’ chest. His arms were stuck between them, and he clutched at Remus’ shirt, pushing his forehead into Remus while pulling him closer at the same time. Remus couldn’t tell if Sirius wanted to shove him away or climb right inside him, so Remus simply hugged him tighter. 

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” he repeated into the Prince’s hair, “I promise we’ll find a way, we’ll-”

“Don’t make promises you won’t keep,” Sirius whispered miserably, sniffing away tears. 

Remus winced. Won't, he said. Not can't. 

It took Remus a moment to find his voice. This wasn’t at all how he thought their afternoon together would end. “I- I’m not...”

“You were telling me goodbye a minute ago.”

Remus felt Sirius pulling away but he wouldn’t let him budge. “No, I’m not saying goodbye. I can’t. I need you too, Sirius.”

He felt the truth of the words, the weight of them, as he said them. He’d never had a choice when it came to Sirius. He thought the Prince’s life had been set out for him from before birth, but the truth was that their lives had set out together when they met on that fateful day two years ago. They were permanently entwined, forever. 

“I need you too,” he repeated in a whisper, pulling Sirius impossibly closer.

Sirius took a deep, shuddering breath, and then another, and turned his head to the side, resting his ear against Remus’ heart. He began to feel calmer in Remus’ arms, though the grip on his shirt didn’t loosen at all.

“I was scared,” Remus admitted, his voice low, “I thought you were saying goodbye to me-”

“No. Never.”

Remus kissed the top of Sirius’ head. “Yes, your Highness made that quite clear.”

Sirius laughed quietly, nuzzling further into Remus, and wrapped his arms around him, letting go of Remus’ now-thoroughly wrinkled shirt. He couldn’t have cared less; he didn’t need clothes, or food, or a home, or even air. Sirius was all of those things to him.

“You promise we’ll find a way to be together?” Sirius murmured, and Remus’ heart still shattered at the uncertainty, the vulnerability, in his question.

“I promise,” Remus responded confidently. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Sirius nudged at Remus until he got the hint and lay back down, pulling Sirius with him. The Prince sighed contentedly, though still a bit shaky, and buried his nose in Remus’ neck, settling in against his body.

Remus wasn’t sure how long they lay like that, silent, breathing together, but the sun had moved well past its apex, and now bathed the field and their bodies in warm, orange light.

“I’m sorry, love,” Remus eventually whispered, “But it’s late. We really ought to be going.”

“Alright,” Sirius agreed, yet his arms tightening around Remus said the opposite. “As long as this isn’t goodbye.”

“No,” he replied softly, “Never.”

Remus tried his best to push away the thought that this would end in certain disaster and heartbreak. He focused on the Prince, the feeling of him in his arms, his soft skin, his hair that smelled like earth and spring, and the love he gave to Remus with reckless abandon.  

He would take whatever Sirius gave him, forever. 

~

[catboylupin]

hii!! I reread eclipse and transit and it reminded me of you r/s who loves who more post and I have So Many Thoughts.

In reference to who loves who more: I definitely agree that Remus loved Sirius more, but I also think that (during the first war) Sirius was wayy more invested in the relationship. Here's the thing 1) Sirius spends most of the first war trying to accept the fact that he'll probably have to kill his family, and I think he feels really guilty for leaving Regulus behind; plus, he's (sort of?) losing James. Remus is honestly all he has, and I think (because of his insane abandonment issues) Sirius thinks he has to do Everything he can to keep Remus around. I also think that this is why he never confronts Remus about being the traitor, because he's really projecting what happened with Regulus onto him, and he thinks that if he loves him enough, Remus will stay for Him. It's a very "I can fix him" mentality. (sort of going off topic, I also think that this is why he goes crazy and tries to murder Peter after the whole thing, because to Sirius, that's another person he couldn't get to stick around). Sirius loves Remus, but more than that he needs Remus to love him/convince him that he's enough. 2) Anyways, moving onto Remus: yeah he loved Sirius more, but I think he was very much on edge during their relationship; waiting for Sirius to end it, ruin everything etc. I think Remus has this really complicated relationship with power (he's felt powerless for most of his life), and on some subconscious level he feels guilty/shameful for loving Sirius, because of the whole Prank thing. I don't think Remus ever really forgives Sirius for the prank (not until the second war), and that's always hanging over their relationship. This is why I think he's terrible at giving Sirius what he needs (it's like that Siken quote, "if you love me Henry, you dont love me in a way I understand"). I think he spends most of their relationship holding back because he doesnt want to give Sirius the power of knowing that he loves him.

Both of them think that they love the other person more, and both of them dont trust the other person to love them enough. Like yeah, Remus loves Sirius more but Sirius NEEDS Remus more. Like if they broke up, Remus would survive, but Sirius would go off the rails etc.

ALSO, moving onto a slightly diff topic (sorry this got long, I'd just LOVE to know what you think, tenderlupin favorite blog my beloved <3) I think that for their relationship to work, they have to break up atleast once. In any AU ever, they're insanely toxic when they initially get together and there's alot of insecurity over where they stand with each other (does that make sense?). Their relationship during the lie low at lupin's era is definitely healthier (which is saying something, considering the circumstances) and I love love love fluorescentgrey's take on it (grounded my beloved). And yeah, they keep ending up together, but it's not because theyre perfect for each other but because they literally cannot escape each other.

It's very soulmates, red string of fate etc.

- remusgirlbosslupin xoxo

hiiii oml this was such a Gift to wake up to and i basically agree with you/ think this is a very interesting interpretation of their relationship. and it’s funny you mention eclipse and transit because there has been a discussion as to why Anyone would want to read a Fic In Which One of Them Cheats.... and idk i just like things that r a little harrowing/ when remus gets to be a massive asshole.

Anyways i think you’re right in that they both have commitment/ abandonment issues, and that sirius brought a lot of his familial baggage into the relationship. a lot of his obsessive feeling towards remus stemmed from his deep and soul crushing love for him, but also this rabid need to be loved/ love others, he sort of had a hard time being alone. and we see from his relationship with tonks that remus is afraid of being loved. i don’t think that remus would handle a break up better than sirius would— like as afraid he is about being vulnerable/ letting himself be loved, he still derives so much of his happiness/ self worth from being loved (as demonstrated by how he’s described in an old photo of the order shown to harry, that he looks so so happy just to have friends/ be accepted). and yeah: i think that the war really took a toll on james and sirius’ friendship (i think james grew up faster than sirius did, and sirius sort of felt left behind)

when they first started off, they were very insecure about where they stood with each other (is it just about sex? does he actually love me? are we only doing this because of the war?). and YES they needed to have broken up at least once... and it’s heavily implied in the books that remus became very distant from the others near the end of everything, and i think that included being distant from sirius... but their relationship during the second war was a lot different/ healthier (like you said, grounded by fluorescentgrey my beloved!!!)

so yeah i don’t have much to add!!! thank you!!! that was super interesting/ big brained and brought up a lot of things i hadn’t thought abt before !!🍊💕 💌

[hklnvgl]

Hi! I have a totally random question lol. I've seen a few people compare Pynch to Wolfstar (and Adam and Ronan to Lupin and Sirius as people too). What I don't get it folks saying that Wolfstar was a 'better' (stronger? more interesting? idk) ship than Pynch. I mean..? I don't see it, personally. What am I missing here?

👋 hi! i’m gonna begin this (i’m guessing it’s gonna get long—i’ve actually filled two pages of handwritten notes to try and make sense of my many opinions about this) with a disclaimer: my approach to shipping is very different when it comes to pynch and other fandoms. normally, i’m not actually a very active shipper—when i read fics for other fandoms i normally look for plot and feelings and, because most of the time there’s shipping involved, i usually don’t mind if a ship is there and might actually enjoy it but it’s not something i tend to go out of my way to search for. i just don’t usually ship fictional couples romantically! it’s all the same for me if they’re canon or not (though if they’re canon they will have more canon scenes together so that might help me to eventually ship them? idk i’m just the least romantic person you can find out there 🤣)

so that’s why i haven’t read a lot of wolfstar fics (i think maybe 2 or 3 where the focus was on their relationship? i remember a quite lovely texting au) and even less meta—when i read hp fics i will look for explorations of harry’s abuse, which is what gives me feelings, and in those wolfstar is usually there bc they adopt harry or something like that.

that said, and having therefore canon!wolfstar in mind (perhaps the similarities are stronger in fanon, i just don’t know enough to say!), i really don’t see why people would compare them either (apart from the fact that they’re popular mlm ships?) and i do have to agree with you that pynch is a more interesting ship (for me!)

and, yes, i can see there are a few traits remus and adam might share if you squint, but imo once you start really thinking about it they’re two very different characters! they’re both said to be poor on text, but in adam’s case that comes from the family he was born into and if i remember correctly remus’ dad was middle class (i can’t remember exactly but i think he worked for the ministry?) and remus was poor only because he couldn’t hold a job due to him being a werewolf. idk if people’s comparisons go further and they see cabeswater as a parallel to the werewolf thing? but if that’s the case adam made that choice himself and he embraced it eventually and it’s actually crucial for the resoultion of the series’ plot! remus being a werewolf was great for book 3′s plot twists and for shunning him out of society and little else. personality-wise i guess they’re both smart? i do think remus is more the type to give up after a while but 🤷‍♀️ (oh is it bc if wolfstar were canon it’d be implied that remus is bisexual bc of tonks??)

now when people compare ronan and sirius they only look at the surface which makes me super mad! they say they’re the same just bc they’re brash? and wear leather? and were born in rich families?? but sirius was abused as a child and left his family bc he was the odd one out (which in the lynch family would actually be more accurate to say declan is??) and ronan’s trauma comes from a wildly different place! arguably niall (and aurora? apparently from that little snippet of mister impossible i haven’t read yet) were also abusive to him but definitely not in sirius’ way? (that’s actually closer to adam’s family’s brand of abuse!)

i’ve also seen people say the gangsey’s dynamic is the same as the marauders’! and i’m sorry but i really think that’s not true! for starters we only see the marauders as a whole in flashbacks! and not even then bc lily was not part of the group yet (i guess people compare her to blue bc they’re the only girls??) imo the marauders (or what we see of them) do not inspire healthy friendship feelings! james is the leader and a big asshole and only sees sirius as his equal—he is very happy with peter’s (apparent) worship and i guess they all were super happy to believe remus was the traitor bc they didn’t trust him enough (a werewolf will always be a werewolf) and everyone completely oversaw peter (which i guess is why he did what he did but he’s too plain of a character to have had believable motivations when he turned to voldemort) and he was considered second-class among the group. also that scene with snape in book 5, where we see them all together, is not the gangsey’s dynamic at all??

anyway. back to wolfstar/pynch. the only canon moments in which they give me similar vibes are, for wolfstar, in book 5 when harry firecalls grimauld place from umbridge’s office (i think it was that moment) and we kind of can guess sirius and remus are spending time together at the house and have this caramaderie going (that i guess could be interpreted as shippy) and, for pynch, back in trb when ronan is driving adam to the trailer park for the last time and he says: “man, you don’t have to go back in there” (and i remember thinking in my first read something long the lines of “aw, they are friends after all!).

so. because adam and ronan are part of the main cast of their series they are more flashed out as character (i’ll always think sirius and remus did have potential but everything was too tangled in the plot and, besides, hp is harry’s story!) and i actually do care more about what happens to them as individual characters! but i also ship them! their relationship and their dynamic simply appeals more to my personal tastes! i believe they are perfect for each other and i could read a thousand alternative first meetings and soulmate aus with them as protagonists and i’d never get bored.

as of wolfstar, well, as i said i don’t mind if i go into a fic and they’re a couple in there (they’re cute, sure!), and they’re great friends and obviously care for each other, but we do see too little of them together and how they would counter their respective differences for me to say they’re a perfect couple (they might have been in a different universe and i’m sure there are plenty of fics out there that explore that, which i personally have not read simply bc i lack the motivation to do so).

tl;dr: i like adam and ronan more as separate characters and i just love the dynamic they have in canon, which is why i enjoy reading/writing about them as a ship. imo, wolfstar had potential but hp was not about them and if people say they ship them i nod as i do when a friend tells me irl they’re seeing someone new and i hope they make each other happy.

perhaps someone who’s more deeply in the wolfstar fandom can add a different view to this?

[ziezie13]

Fics of the Week

Invictus by Chiru

Kuroo T. » So let me get this straight (gay?) Kuroo T. » You want me to pretend to be your perfect and fabulous boyfriend, so that your little freckled friend will stop trying to set you up with cute little highschool girls? Tsukishima Kei » yes Kuroo T. » Aha. Tsukishima Kei » you'll do it? Kuroo T. » I don't know. I missed the part where I get something out of it. Tsukishima Kei » you get to annoy me. Unfortunately Kuroo T. » Tempting, Tsukki, very tempting indeed.

Words: 36867, Chapters: 12/12, Fandoms: Haikyuu!!, Rating: Teen And Up Audiences, 25 Jun 2017

Relationship(s): Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Minor or Background Relationship(s),Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

Characters: Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka, Bokuto Koutarou

Additional Tags: Slow Build, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Angst, Rejection, Emotionally Repressed, Near Future, Fluff, i guess

Lumos by birdsofshore

Harry never expected to spend eighth year listening to Draco Malfoy wanking.

Words: 41476, Chapters: 1/1, Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Rating: Explicit, Last Update: 26 Dec 2016

Relationship(s): Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter

Characters: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Theodore Nott

Additional Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Room-sharing, wanking, Voyeurism, Frottage, Really so much wanking, Intercrural Sex, kissing in corridors, inter-house fraternisation, Wandless Magic, A little angst, some h/c, Magical Injury, Pining, Jealousy, Enemies to Lovers, Desperation, Inexperience, Premature Ejaculation, First Times, the sexual appetites of teenagers, Community: hd_erised

Bluebird by EtherealBeing

Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact.

However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

Words: 53108, Chapters: 7/7, Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Rating: Explicit, Last Update: 20 Apr 2019

Relationship(s): Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku

Additional Tags: Wrong number, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Humor, (Me thinking I'm way funnier than I actually am), Fluff and Smut, Mild angst maybe, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Poetry Nerd!Izuku, now with an epilogue, Finally

Sugar High by arekushia, ryoseirui

"Baby boy, you can have whatever you want. Just tell me, and I'll give you the world." Yuuri is completely speechless. Was it going to be this easy? To get money from someone so handsome, so alluring, so rich? Just by asking? Victor presses on. "I can't give you what you want if you don't tell me."

"...Will you help me pay my college tuition?" Yuuri finally speaks, deciding to be straightforward, remembering why he signed up for this in the first place.

"If that'll make you happy, then so be it. Now…lay on the bed."

--

Yuuri Katsuki is a college student struggling to pay rent, tuition, and just about everything else. When he sets up an account for a sugar daddy dating app, he doesn't expect anything to come out of it. Instead, he meets Victor Nikiforov, and so begins their walk on the fine line between their physical relationship and something more.

Words: 115192, Chapters: 8/?, Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime), Rating: Explicit, Last Update: 27 Oct 2017

Relationship(s): Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, Leo de la Iglesia, Ji Guang-Hong, Jean-Jacques Leroy, Minami Kenjirou, Lee Seung Gil

Additional Tags: Sugar Daddy Victor Nikiforov, College Student Katsuki Yuuri, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Romance, Smut, BDSM, Kink Negotiation, Mutual Pining, Top Victor Nikiforov, Bottom Katsuki Yuuri, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Sugar Daddy AU, Blow Jobs, Age Difference, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, First Time, Anxiety, Past Relationship(s), Aftercare

Matching Heartbeats Between These Sheets by carpemermaid

Of course there aren't any rooms with double beds left when they get to the hotel. Of course not, because that's Yuuri's luck. And of course they're put in a room with one bed. Now Yuuri has to spend the next few nights sharing a bed with his idol, who just happens to also be his coach. And the man he is in love with. No big deal.

Words: 9386, Chapters: 2/2, Fandoms:  Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime), Rating: Explicit, Last Update: 16 Jan 2017

Relationship(s): Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov

Additional Tags: Romance, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Hotels, Hotel Sex, Insecurity, Fluff, Smut, Porn with Feelings, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Kissing, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Frottage, Mutual Masturbation, Praise Kink, Pining, Pining Katsuki Yuri, Ice Skating, Sports, Seduction, Travel, Forced Proximity, Making Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Spooning, Hand Jobs, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Smitten Victor Nikiforov, Love Confessions, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Shower Sex, Love Bites, Anal Fingering, Fingerfucking, Rimming, Switching, Implied Switching, Eros Katsuki Yuuri, Endearments, Bathing/Washing, Hair Washing, Massage, Prostate Massage

The Omni-Phichit by NonDairyRay, shamarmon

Phichit wakes up one morning to find he has attained full sentience. He is then forced through his own personal hell of living through different genres of fanfiction, and the only way to move on is to get Yuuri and Victor together. Luckily, he is the (multi) universe’s greatest wingman!

Words: 35975, Chapters: 7/?, Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime), Rating: Explicit, Last Update: 05 May 2017

Relationship(s): Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Characters: Phichit Chulanont, Katsuki Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov, Christophe Giacometti, Celestino Cialdini, Mila Babicheva, Sara Crispino, Otabek Altin, Ketty Abelashvili, Katsuki Mari

Additional Tags: Wingman Phichit Chulanont, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Drunkenness, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Funny, Humor, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Social Media Abuse, Language Kink, I'm Going to Hell, Explicit Sexual Content, Language kink part 2: electric boogaloo, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Teacher-Student Relationship

Slughorn's Sanitarium for Troubled Boys by MelloPie

Sirius is sent to a mental institution after the ultimate prank on his parents fails. Here he meets Remus, a strange boy accused of murder. Can Sirius solve the mystery and save Lupin's life? And will Remus let him?

Words: 14007, Chapters: 5/?, Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Rating:

Mature, Last Update: 24 Apr 2016

Relationship(s): Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Characters: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Fenrir Greyback

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Mental Institutions

[data-monkey]

AO3 stats project: tags

In this post, we'll discuss tags on the Archive of Our Own! Please note: because the works on the Archive include explicit material, some of the tags discussed in this post may not be appropriate for your workplace.

The Data | Basic Questions | Fandoms | Tags | Correlations | Kudos | Fun Stuff Thanks to @eloiserummaging for beta reading these posts; any remaining errors are my own.  A Python notebook showing the code I used to make these plots can be found here.

The Archive of Our Own has one of the best tagging systems around. You can read more about it here, here, here, or here. For our purposes, the important part is that users can tag their works however they want, and then a group of people called "tag wranglers" sort those tags, either adding them as synonyms of existing tags or creating new canonical versions for them. What I'll be showing here is the "canonical" version of the tags. For example, a work tagged "flufffffff" or "so fluffy!" would have those two tags assigned to the canonical tag "Fluff", so I will consider both of those tags as being "Fluff" to get the most accurate count.

The other important thing about AO3 tags is that they come in four flavors. The first one is "warnings", the content warnings required by the Archive (plus the default tag indicating you're abstaining from the warnings system). The second flavor is "Characters", tags describing the characters in the work. The third is "Relationships", tags describing the platonic or romantic relationships depicted in the work--typically, "X/Y" indicates a romantic and/or sexual relationship between characters X and Y, while "X&Y" means a platonic relationship, although this usage isn't universal and isn't enforced. The final category is "freeform", aka everything else.

Again, the tagging system is freeform and optional. In particular, I'll note that "character" tags and "relationship" tags don't necessarily imply each other: you can have a work tagged "Sherlock Holmes/John Watson" that only features Mycroft Holmes, or that features John and Sherlock but doesn't tag them as characters, only as the relationship. So remember that--while it's pretty good on average, because people tag their works so readers/viewers can find them--the number of uses of a character tag isn't the same as the number of works that feature that character, for example.

Okay! So what are the most popular freeform tags on the Archive? If you read a lot of fanfiction, I doubt you will be surprised by anything on this list. Left column is the top 15 tags by number of uses, while right column is the top 15 tags by the cumulative hit count on every work tagged with that tag.

Are these tags consistently popular over time? For reasons of space, I’ll just plot the top 10 by number of works:

If you look back at the works vs time plot in the second post, you'll see that yes, the shape of these trends is similar to the total number of works, so trends in fannish tastes haven’t changed much over the time the AO3 has been in existence. (These show a little more bumpiness because there are fewer works in each plot.) Some of these have gained a little more recent popularity vs earlier works--smut, fluff, and the two specific alternate universes are a little more weighted towards later times, while humor and general AUs are falling a little behind--but the differences aren’t as large as we saw for fandom trends in the previous post.

I'm sure you're curious about characters and relationships. Here are the top character tags, omitting the catchall character tags of “Original Character(s)”, “Original Male Character(s)”, “Original Female Character(s)”, and “Reader” (all of which would otherwise appear in the top 15). Also, remember this is missing some of the data from 2018 and 2019, as described in the first post, so BTS characters should probably be higher:

And here are the top relationship tags (again, excluding the catchall “Minor or Background Relationship(s)”):

And in particular, here are the top characters of color (excluding works with fictionalized race/ethnicity power systems--um, more than modern-day Western society’s power systems are made up--and characters from Voltron Legendary Defender, since I wasn’t able to find enough information on them):

Park Jimin (BTS)

Min Yoongi | Suga

Jeon Jungkook

Kim Taehyung | V

Kim Namjoon | Rm

Jung Hoseok | J-Hope

Kim Seokjin | Jin

Zayn Malik

Katsuki Yuuri

Sam Wilson (Marvel)

Magnus Bane

Nick Fury

Midoriya Izuku

Bakugou Katsuki

Erica Reyes

And here are the top relationships that are not M/M:

Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan

Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak

Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin

Clarke Griffin/Lexa

Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan

Kylo Ren/Rey

Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley

Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor

Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper

Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold

Allison Argent/Scott McCall

James Potter/Lily Evans Potter

Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy

Here are the top ten freeform tags for the top ten fandoms. Different fandoms seem to produce different kinds of fanworks--which you'd expect, based on the variety in the source material.

AU = alternate universe, AU - CD = Alternate universe - canon divergence, AU - C/U = alternate universe - college/university, AU - HS = alternate universe - high school, BJs = blow jobs, ER = established relationship, H/C = hurt/comfort, PWP = plot what plot/porn without plot, RPF = real person fiction, SPN = supernatural.

Finally, for fun, here's the top 200 tags of all kinds, sorted against each other. You can find a lot of fun things on this list. Some of my favorites:

Supernatural is so big, and so focused on so few characters, that Dean Winchester is the sixth most popular tag on the entire AO3.

Clint Barton is way higher than I would have expected.

Sherlock Holmes is slightly less popular than anal sex.

Original female characters are more popular than anal sex.

Similarly, cuddling is more popular than A/B/O.

Harry Styles is less popular than 3/7ths of BTS (at least as of sometime in 2018); Louis Tomlinson barely tops Draco Malfoy.

Alcohol comes between Katsuki Yuuri and Viktor Nikiforov.

Leonard McCoy is below songfic. Please join me in picturing how pissed off he’d be.

The one-two punch of “Spanking” and “I’m Sorry” is pretty amusing.

If I had put up the top 201 tags, 200 and 201 would have been “Flirting” and “Murder”, so Hannibal is almost on this list.

Fluff

Angst

Alternate Universe

Romance

Hurt/Comfort

Dean Winchester

Humor

Established Relationship

Smut

Sam Winchester

Steve Rogers

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence

Alternate Universe - Modern Setting

Tony Stark

Friendship

Original Female Character(s)

Anal Sex

Drabble

Original Characters

Sherlock Holmes

Fluff And Angst

Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot

Castiel/Dean Winchester

One Shot

John Watson

Stiles Stilinski

Castiel

Harry Potter

Oral Sex

James "Bucky" Barnes

Natasha Romanov

Blow Jobs

Clint Barton

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Drama

Derek Hale

Reader

Slow Burn

Original Male Character(s)

Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

First Time

Alternate Universe - College/University

Kissing

Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski

First Kiss

Angst With A Happy Ending

Light Angst

Violence

Family

Park Jimin (BTS)

Min Yoongi | Suga

Jeon Jungkook

Crossover

Harry Styles

Crack

Friends To Lovers

Love

Fluff And Smut

Kim Taehyung | V

Louis Tomlinson

Other Additional Tags To Be Added

Draco Malfoy

Alternate Universe - High School

Explicit Sexual Content

Masturbation

Hermione Granger

Pining

Bruce Banner

Anal Fingering

Kim Namjoon | RM

Canon Compliant

Thor (Marvel)

Domestic Fluff

Jung Hoseok | J-Hope

Keith (Voltron)

Kim Seokjin | Jin

Depression

Character Death

Sexual Content

Happy Ending

Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Canon-Typical Violence

James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

Lance (Voltron)

Cuddling & Snuggling

Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics

Dirty Talk

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD

Post-Canon

Loki (Marvel)

Christmas

Hand Jobs

Scott Mccall

Niall Horan

Sex

Mycroft Holmes

Blood

Shiro (Voltron)

Liam Payne

Rimming

Rough Sex

Zayn Malik

Cute

Original Character(s)

Original Character

Castiel (Supernatural)

Dubious Consent

Phil Coulson

Severus Snape

Ron Weasley

Character Study

Mpreg

Lydia Martin

Explicit Language

Slash

Grief/Mourning

Polyamory

Future Fic

Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter

Minor Character Death

Greg Lestrade

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Peter Parker

Mutual Pining

Swearing

Eventual Smut

Sirius Black

Dom/Sub

Pre-Slash

Sad

Love Confessions

Unrequited Love

Alternate Universe - Soulmates

Remus Lupin

Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester

Falling In Love

Jealousy

Spanking

I'm Sorry

Pepper Potts

Death

Keith/Lance (Voltron)

Spoilers

James T. Kirk

Hunk (Voltron)

Sans (Undertale)

Emma Swan

Gabriel (Supernatural)

Fluff And Humor

Magic

Torture

Alternate Universe - Human

Bruce Wayne

Isaac Lahey

Levi (Shingeki No Kyojin)

Eren Yeager

Clarke Griffin

Self-Harm

Slow Build

Victor Nikiforov

Alcohol

Katsuki Yuuri

Suicidal Thoughts

Implied Sexual Content

BDSM

Nightmares

Canonical Character Death

Action/Adventure

Sam Wilson (Marvel)

Developing Relationship

Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Bondage

Friendship/Love

Tooth-Rotting Fluff

Dark

Sheriff Stilinski

Mental Health Issues

Allison Argent

Reader-Insert

Slice Of Life

Allura (Voltron)

Kurt Hummel

Getting Together

Kidnapping

Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Dick Grayson

Merlin (Merlin)

Panic Attacks

Heavy Angst

Comfort

Alec Lightwood

Pre-Canon

Ficlet

Kid Fic

Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir

Implied/Referenced Character Death

Songfic

Leonard Mccoy

First Meetings

Flirting