#yes this is about jesslupe again
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a horse named might’ve been
sitting out on the front steps feels like getting old. in this still, stagnant chill, tobacco spit gathering at the corners of the mouth and congesting. tobacco spit hack and blow is an old factory grate, carbon deposit. the night is the darkest spot of a bruise, smells like ozone, some strange angel hangs its hat on the hook in the sky until morning. skin wind-hardened, long past tenderized, there is nothing tender left about you: girl in the way a girl is a clenched fist. girl like the wall of a trench, collapsed under the lip of the earth, the weight of your brow, the hard line of your marching band shoulders. girl like not man enough. you suck at the filter of your cigarette like you’re fiending for the marrow.
there is another like you: hard as unripe plums, easy like a man should be. she’ll sit beside you some nights, shrouded save the occasional red rust flare of a cigarette cherry hovering like a firefly near her boyish face. you don’t speak most nights, legs spread broad, knees not quite touching. sometimes the membrane of space between her sweaty calf and the meat of your thigh fills you with fruit flies, swarming around the rotted blackberry remnants of love. or what could be love, if you cleaned your room. swept the cobwebs, called your mother. but by now your bones have set, wrong but set nevertheless, and your fists are permanent, and no lover’s soft-handed caress will unfurl knuckle from knuckle from palm.
in the end it is not a caress that knocks you loose but another fist to the face. roiling river of bodies kicking up dust, a hairsbreadth away from passionate embrace, and you’re so hungry for it you leave your defenses down and bruise like a peach. how different is it, really? to be picked up, feel fingers grip you with a violence that borders obsession. to be held so briefly against a warm, beating chest before you hit the floor. but to see the look on her face, afterwards, that is an intimacy you have never been granted. it lingers feverishly.
hit, fractured, groan and thaw. you’re dripping like spring stalactite. now that the hairline fissure echoes between your walls, it runs from trickle to stream, stream to flow, flow to rush, rush to surge, and every limb of the heart that has numbed from misuse prickles with heat, burns to be touched for longer than a brutal split-second.
and it’s enough. to jostle her shoulder, light her cigarette, call her brother. be aware of how her callused fingers tremble and how it sets your working teeth on edge, but sit in it. let it be enough. this cold night is better suited for two.
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red is the fire in our veins
It was inevitable, really, a foregone conclusion, that Lupe’s gaze would be drawn to the muscled thigh next to her that’s outlined in insolent red.
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A ficlet for the third Jess/Lupe Truthers server’s Valentine’s sprint prompt: red.
(250 words, rated M)
Read on AO3.
#billie writes fic#love & baseball#jesslupe#yes it is i. billsfangearring. subjecting you to my silly banner once again#baby's first foray into the m rating#be not afraid there is no actual physical contact#really this is more about the queer themes <3
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ok yes i do agree that this is a show that wouldn’t shy away from going there with them if that’s the direction they wanna go and that does give me hope if the show gets renewed (🤞!!). i just have not felt this strongly about a ship in such a long time and would love to see them have the friends to lovers arc. i also wanna thank you for how much fanfic you have given us! i religiously check the ao3 tag and every time i see a new fic from you i get so excited! <33
no genuinely same. i've tried to stay away from being super invovled in fandom spaces just because of some bad experiences but ever since i started blogging about aloto and jesslupe i literally have never felt so welcomed or appreciated by people who don't even know me, it's so nice to know people love this ship as much as i do
and as for my fics, first of all, thank you that means so much to hear!! i honestly dont know what came over me but i cant write anything but them (my poor novel draft that i promised i'd work on is like gathering cobwebs in my google docs) and it's so nice that people actually look forward to them so it feels less like im just posting to a brick wall (which is how i kinda felt on ao3 before i started writing aloto, just kinda posting and going without any real like, consistent readers if that makes any sense at all)
anyway sorry for rambling !! and thank u again for reading my fics :p
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