#yes the broken arm is a reference to Episode Five

[froggychair05]

Any random thoughts about the AU you still have? If not maybe some thoughts and ideas about Mcsm in general?

Not to worry, my friend, I have plenty of thoughts about the Bakery AU 😁👍 (these are just my notes).

A few more highlights, since there are so many:

- Lukas broke his arm in middle school and it never really healed right. It was Aiden’s fault.

- Jesse has a bunch of fun socks. His favorite is a pair of pig socks that Ivor got him for Christmas one year.

- There’s a corner in the living room of Jesse, Axel, and Olivia’s apartment dedicated to Reuben. There’s a framed picture of him with the three of them, and a picture of him with Jesse as a kid on top of what used to be his favorite pillow.

- Lukas can’t do a lot of baking at home because Aiden is like “you bake all day at work, you don’t need to do it here, too” but when Aiden isn’t around, he does do some baking. He doesn’t eat the stuff he makes, though, so he takes it into work for Nell and Radar.

- Jesse and Axel play video games together all the time. Sometimes Olivia joins in.

- They can’t play card games anymore because Axel cheats.

- Olivia is the best at gift-wrapping.

- Lukas orders a plain black coffee every morning before work. He doesn’t like coffee.

- Petra sends Lukas pictures from her travels all the time. Never of anything scenic; it’s always the most random stuff.

- Her phone calls with Lukas last anywhere from ten minutes to three hours.

- She always comes home for holidays and Lukas, Jack, and Nurm’s birthdays.

- Nell has a seashell collection.

- Radar is really good at origami.

I have many, many thoughts about MCSM. Perhaps too many. That’s probably better off in a post of it’s own, if you have any specific questions!

[pathologicalreid]

for the fear of falling apart | part three

when it seems like a return to normalcy is impossible, you decide that something has to give, but will it bend or will it break?

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | epilogue

series masterlist

who? spencer reid x jareau!reader category: angst content warnings: fear of drowning, therapy, mommy and daddy issues, sigmund freud, nightmares and ptsd, sleep deprivation, takes place during 15x4 "saturday" (max does not exist in this au), stalkers, yelling, police, domestic disturbance, broken dishes, severe self image issues, crying, implies that jj is sometimes not the greatest friend, marriage and marriage counseling, mentions the death of grace lynch, the chameleon arc, reader and spencer are both broken people sry. things get resolved (or do they?) word count: 5.13k a/n: i'm trying to come to terms with the fact that people will not like how this part goes, but i do think it's important to remember that this is not where it ends. it's probably easy to guess what episode I'm rewriting next. lol. let me know your thoughts and feelings because i am dying to know.

“Are you glad to be back at work?” Your therapist asked you, writing down your personal information on the form on her clipboard before she met your stare.

Chewing impatiently on the inside of your lip, you glanced over to the clock that was hung above the door, dooming you to another forty-five minutes with Dr. Harmon. “Yes, I love desk duty,” you told her, flashing a fake smile in her direction.

The older woman looked at you doubtfully, and you silently begged for her to sign your return to duty forms. “I thought we spoke about using sarcasm as a coping mechanism,” she responded in a way that made you feel chastised.

You raised your eyebrows at her, gray hair neatly combed into a tight bun, you had spent more time with your therapist for the past two months than you had any of your family – the rest of your time was spent retraining your body, usually within the limitations of your doctor’s orders. “And I thought we talked about there being worse coping mechanisms that I could be using,” you countered, leaning back in her chair.

She shrugged helplessly, “Well, I’m not sure about signing your release forms. You could be a liability in the field.”

Eyes widening, you tilted your head to the side, “No, no, no, I’ve grown a new appreciation for the desk workers in the BAU. I even stopped laughing when people refer to Agent Anderson as Grunt Anderson,” you informed her, nodding as if that would help convince her of your honesty.

Checking off a box on your form, she set the clipboard on her side table, just out of your view. Taking a deep breath, Dr. Harmon leaned forward and folded her hands over her knee, “Have you spoken to your sister since the last time I saw you?”

You leaned your head back, staring at the tiles of the ceiling as any hope of returning to the field left your body.

One of your very first dates with Spencer had been at the Academy’s shooting range, you had a lucky spot there, it was where you had aced your qualification as a cadet, and it was pure luck that it had been available when you arrived.

As your paper target was brought forward, you slipped off your headphones and set your weapon down, studying the results as you chewed on your bottom lip nervously.

“Hey,” Spencer said from behind you, casually leaning against the wall behind you.

You jumped slightly as the sound of his voice took you away from your anxiety, “Hey,” you echoed, holstering your weapon as you sent your target back for someone to change it out.

“I thought you were going to come to the BAU after therapy,” he explained, arms crossed in front of his chest in his charcoal suit, camouflaging himself with the steely gray of the shooting range.

Pursing your lips, you made sure you had your phone in your pocket before grabbing your bag, “I wanted to get some practice in before my requalification test.”

He looked surprised for a moment, “Did your therapist sign your return to duty?”

“No,” you muttered, knowing that you wouldn’t be eligible to take your firearms requalification until after you had been cleared by a psychiatrist.

Any surprise quickly left his face, “What did she say, then?”

You rolled your eyes, “She told me that it’s possible that my strained relationship with my parents is negatively affecting my performance in my sessions. Then she threw a Freud biography at my head.”

“Did you talk to her about the nightmares?” He asked, following you as you checked out of the shooting range, waving to a gaggle of cadets as they noticed the BAU agents in their general vicinity.

Faltering as you opened the door, you flung the glass door open and trudged out of it, “I have it under control,” you lied through your teeth, continuing your way to the elevator.

The tapping of Spencer’s shoes signified that he was following you, holding his hand over the sensor while you stepped in and using his knuckle to press the parking garage button, “You were up all night last night,” he retorted, “She could help you develop a coping mechanism that works for you so that you can get some rest, angel.”

You were getting tired of those words, “Well, maybe we’ll reach a breakthrough next week. You never know.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being so unamenable,” he accused.

Shaking your head as you stepped out of the elevator, you hoisted your bag back over your shoulder, “Is unamenable genius-speak for pain in the ass?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, it is,” he retorted, swiping the keys out of your hands before unlocking the car and getting in the driver’s seat. You had been cleared to drive weeks ago, but Spencer still insisted on driving you.

You groaned, “My recent brush with death has made it difficult for me to let bygones be bygones.”

Pulling out of the parking spot, he carefully placed both of his hands on the steering wheel, “And here I thought we were actually going to move on with our lives.”

“No one holds a grudge like a youngest child,” you informed him, leaning your head against the window and wishing you had driven separately.

Being at home wasn’t much better than being at Quantico. You quickly changed and settled yourself on the couch while Spencer sat across from you, legs crossed in the wingback chair as he finished filling in a crossword book that you had started that morning.

You watched the clock tick, the diffused orange light of the sunset beamed through the curtains, and you felt yourself settle. Stiff joints and aching muscles unwound on the supple leather of the couch, and as you let your eyes fall shut, you felt the breeze of someone walking by before Spencer stopped in front of you.

Gently, he draped a knit blanket over you, tucking you in before crouching and dropping a gentle kiss to your temple.

Y/N is down, she’s been hit. We need an ambulance now.

I know, I’m sorry, I know it hurts.

It’s okay. I’ve got you.

“Honey, wake up.”

You startled awake on the couch, wadding up the blanket in your fists as your eyes adjusted to the dim environment of the apartment. The sun had set, dipping below the skyline as you stared ahead.

Concerned brown eyes bore into you as you caught your breath, Spencer reached over and flicked on the table lamp next to you, “You’re alright,” he cooed, gently enough to make you want to cry. “It was just a bad dream,” he told you, cupping your cheek and studying your expression.

Nodding absently, you pulled yourself into a sitting position, the familiar knit blanket falling in a puddle around your waist. “I was in the parking garage again,” you preemptively answered his next question. You were usually in the parking garage, sometimes you were on the beach, and once you had been fully underwater.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer asked, a hint of hope in his voice.

You shook your head and ignored the defeated look on Spencer’s face, instead burying your face in your hands and taking a few deep breaths.

He waited for a moment before speaking again, reaching out and adjusting the bunched-up fabric of your t-shirt, “Are you hungry? I made soup.”

“Yeah,” you breathed, crossing your arms in front of your stomach, afraid it would start growling at the mention of food.

As you watched Spencer get up and walk over to the kitchen, you let yourself feel like everything was alright for the slightest moment. You wanted your apartment to be your safe space where there were no serial killers or sisters or hospitals, but there was a classified file on the kitchen table, photos of you and your sister littered the walls, and there was an entire drawer in the home office dedicated to your hospital stay.

Melding into the couch cushions, you ignored the stiffness in your side, the scars that marred your skin were healed over, but the memory would stick with you for a lifetime. It felt like a phantom pain, irritating your skin whenever you thought too much about it, or whenever your therapist asked you about Grace Lynch.

It didn’t bring you a lot of comfort to know that she was dead, murdered by her own father after conning her ex-girlfriend into giving her money. Everett Lynch was the threat now, and you were stuck on the bench.

Pulling your knees to your chest, you rested your cheek on your knee as Spencer ladled soup into a bowl and presented it to you, complete with a few ice cubes to cool it down. He waltzed back into the kitchen to clean up when his phone rang.

You ignored his conversation while you stirred the ice cubes around in your bowl, the soft clinking of them mesmerizing your tired brain. You ate while he spoke on the phone, mentioning something about a case. Pushing any thoughts of serial killers away, you just ate your soup.

Sipping at the broth, you grew curious about what was going on over the phone, but you tried to mind your business, scooping at the last noodles in the bowl before setting it down on the coffee table.

“Who was that?” You asked, eyes following Spencer as he walked back over to the living room, slipping his phone in his pocket as he sat next to you on the couch.

He paused for a moment, and you immediately regretted asking, “Uh, it was JJ.”

You supposed it had to mean something that he elected to tell you the truth instead of lying to you, but you were no longer feeling optimistic, “Ah.”

“Don’t start,” he said immediately.

You turned to him, raising your eyebrows curiously and pushing yourself into the corner of the couch – away from him, “Start what, Spencer?”

Spencer put his hands up, “Picking a fight with me over JJ’s feelings. JJ, Tara, Luke, and Penelope are working on a stalker case, it’s nothing that we need to worry about.”

“I’m not going to pick a fight with you, I already told you that I forgive you,” you told him, wrapping your arms around yourself.

He groaned in frustration, “You can say it all you want, but you haven’t. You haven’t forgiven me.”

As he usually was, Spencer was right, you hadn’t forgiven him for lying to you about what had happened between him and JJ. You wanted to. You wanted to find it in yourself to be the bigger person and just tell him it was fine. All you wanted was to move on, but you were crashing into roadblock after roadblock. “Are you going to work that case?”

“No, it’s a classic stalking case, they’ll make it without me,” he said, turning on the couch to face you.

You swallowed thickly, “You can go if you’d rather be there,” you reassured him, wondering if he’d be happier at work than at home with you. Someone needed to make a decision, someone needed to decide whether or not the two of you were going to keep going or if you were going to call it off. You didn’t want it to be you, you were afraid of which option you might choose.

Spencer frowned, “Why are you trying to get rid of me?”

“I’m not,” you answered.

“Yes, yes you are,” he challenged, leaning forward to get a better look at you.

Shaking your head, you threw your hands up in surrender, “You don’t have to go. You can stay here. You live here. Who the fuck am I to tell you to leave?”

“And now you’re escalating the situation,” he observed, straightening up and watching you carefully.

You didn’t consider yourself an angry person. The two of you didn’t fight often, but as you considered your options, you wondered if it could help. Maybe you could replicate the feeling of a good cry. Maybe all you need is a good fight. Just talk it out – loudly. “I’m not escalating anything. I’m not starting anything. In case you haven’t noticed, this has been going on for months.”

He had noticed, he could probably give you an exact date and time to point out when everything fell apart. Was it inside the pawn shop? Was it in the courtyard outside of Rossi’s wedding? “I thought we had made some real progress at the hospital,” he challenged.

Getting up from the couch, you took a deep breath and tossed the blanket over the back, “You cannot seriously think that. You’re too smart to believe that, Spencer. The idea that we fixed everything while I was hopped up on Xanax and painkillers. It’s… it’s…” you stumbled over your words for a moment. It’s crazy. You wanted to tell him, but you couldn’t do that to him. Spencer had spent his whole life having that word thrown at his mother, and he spent adulthood fearing he’d have a schizophrenic break. “It’s outlandish,” you finally finished.

Spencer looked up at you from the couch, “Is it outlandish to think that the history we have together would help mend our relationship?”

You rolled your eyes, “I don’t know, Spencer, let’s take a look at your history with my sister,” you snapped.

“Oh, come on,” he protested.

“No,” you commanded, “Sit down and shut up. I’ve spent months waiting for you to get it, but apparently, I need to spell it out for you.”

To your surprise, he listened, watching you in silence as you took a deep breath, picked up your soup bowl, and brought it into the kitchen. Your heartbeat pounded like thunder in your ears.

Standing in front of him, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, “I want you to empathize with me.” You calculated every word you said, “We’ve known each other for nine years. We’ve been together for seven, and I- I had the rug pulled out from under me. God, you went on a date with my sister. You took her to a football game as a hater of organized sports. My beautiful, prom queen, soccer star, gem of the family older sister.”

“It wasn’t a date, Penelope went with us,” Spencer added patiently.

You peered down at him, “When you asked her to go with you, did you do it with the intention that you would be taking her on a date?”

His shoulders slackened, “Yeah,” he answered softly.

“And you know that she loves you. If you went to her right now and told her you wanted to be with her, that there’s a chance she’d consider it. She’d at least have to think about it,” you told him, confidence dissipating as your hands started to tremble and you silently begged yourself not to cry.

Spencer watched you suspiciously, “What gave you the impression that I want to be with her instead of you?”

You faltered, just for a moment, “Why wouldn’t you want to be with her?” You asked exasperatedly, letting your arms fall limply at your sides.

Pinching his eyebrows together, your boyfriend looked at you like you had grown a third eye, “She’s married? Her kids are my godchildren?”

Shaking your head in disbelief, you cursed yourself as tears stung your eyes, “Are those seriously the only reasons you can think of?” With all the brain power you knew he had, you couldn’t help but be disappointed.

“Fuck, Y/N,” Spencer groaned, “Putting aside the fact that I’d be destroying a marriage, not because it doesn’t matter, but because being with your sister isn’t even something I’d consider. This might not have occurred to you, but I have absolutely no interest in being with someone other than you!”

You huffed, “Please, she’s beautiful and athletic and older and you’ve known her for fifteen years!” You shouted over your shoulder, making your way back to the kitchen. There wasn’t anything you needed from in there, you just needed to keep moving.

“But she’s not you!” He yelled from the couch, finally getting up and following you to the kitchen.

Spinning around on your heel, you threw your arms in the air, “God, I know!” You swung your arms down, accidentally sending the bowl you had set on the counter down to the floor, breaking on impact. “Shit,” you muttered, immediately dropping to a crouch and starting to pick up the ceramic shards.

“Hey, wait, let me get it,” Spencer insisted, grabbing a kitchen towel from the drawer before laying it on the floor. He carefully picked up the larger shards, waving your hands away.

You clenched your hands and glared at him with bleary eyes, “Why? Why am I not allowed to clean up the mess that I made?”

Spencer sighed, “You’re crying. I don’t want you to get hurt because you can’t see well,” he told you, prompting you to sit back on the tile and watch him continue to pick up.

You crisscrossed your legs and watched him, “I’m sorry for yelling,” you whispered, so quietly that you weren’t even sure he had heard you.

Nodding in acknowledgment, Spencer gathered up the kitchen towel and set it on the counter, setting his hands on the counter and taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry for raising my voice,” he echoed your sentiments. He moved to the hall closet to get out the broom, interrupted by a knock on the door.

Confused, you poked your head over the counter and watched as Spencer opened the front door.

“Good evening, officer,” he greeted, casting a sidelong glance over at you.

Fuck.

You scrambled to your feet, careful not to step on any pieces of the bowl that remained on the floor and wiping beneath your eyes as you made your way to the door, peeking around the corner to find two DC Metro officers. “Agent Jareau?” One of the officers said curiously.

“Hi,” you waved timidly, looking between the two of them with your tail between your legs.

He looked surprised at the revelation of who lived here, recognizing you from a case you had consulted on months ago. “We were called here on a report of a domestic disturbance, your neighbor in said she heard ‘a lot of yelling before there was a crash and then everything went quiet’.”

The summation of events did nothing to slow your racing heart, “We had uh… we were having a disagreement, and I knocked over a bowl. It was an accident,” you reassured the officer, reaching out and taking Spencer’s hand as a sign of good faith.

“Are you sure?” He asked, looking at you expectantly.

You nodded in confirmation, “I’m really sorry about any inconvenience, but I promise there’s nothing to worry about.”

The DC Metro officers studied Spencer suspiciously, and you protectively moved in front of him. They were trained to see the worst-case scenario, but there was nothing happening here, “Well then, just uh… try to keep it down, I suppose.”

The two of you waved as they walked away, once the door was closed, you turned to face Spencer, “Are you alright?”

He looked a little pale, “I’m alright,” he nodded, gathering himself before going back to the hall closet. “That was weird,” he added.

Spencer’s interaction with police officers was limited to work with the bureau and his time in prison. He never had to explain an underage drunk person in the car or run when a party got too rowdy, but he wasn’t concerned with the confrontation, he was concerned that, for a moment, before you got there, those officers saw Spencer as a violent person. You stayed put, watching him sweep up the last of the bowl and take care of the sharp pieces with a keen eye.

“I’d never hurt you,” Spencer said softly, unnecessarily explaining to you.

You nodded, “I know. You’re not like that, baby. You’re not a violent person.” In fact, you had only seen Spencer aggressively violent one time in your life, and that was when his mother’s life was on the line. Stepping over to him, you lifted yourself so that you were sitting on the kitchen counter, meeting his eyes.

“She is not you,” he murmured, reaching out and taking both of your hands in his.

Chewing on the inside of your lip, your shoulders slumped ever so slightly, “I am well aware,” you offered.

He took a deep breath, “JJ would never ask me to recite Henry James to her or offer to go to the planetarium with me even after we spent all day on a case or sit through one of my lectures just to hear me talk about something I’m passionate about,” he began. "I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation about something I’m passionate about with your sister. Not one where she didn’t interrupt me or pawn me off on somebody else,” he told you, disconnecting one of your hands to wipe new tears from your cheeks.

“I- I’m not…” you breathed, overwhelmed as he sang your praises.

“I know you compare yourself to her,” he cut you off, “it’s normal for you to compare yourself to your older sister. I just didn’t know how lowly you thought of yourself until all of this was dug up.”

Frowning, you cocked your head to the side, “I do not compare myself to her,” you remarked.

He hummed in response, “It wasn’t up for debate. I’m not interested in your sister. I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone except for you. I am sorry that I never told you about the football game, but by the time you joined the team, six years had passed, and I didn’t think it was pertinent to tell you that your sister had rejected me. That is entirely on me, and I can’t change it. I can, however, spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

Your breathing hitched, and the ghost of a potential proposal once again floated through the air, it made your heart ache. “One of these days you’re going to have to actually ask me to marry you,” you whispered, not sure how much longer you’d be able to sit and wait while he neglected to act upon his words.

“What do you want right now?” Spencer asked, studying your facial expression.

You have spent three months being mad at him, and you had to believe it all came down to tonight. Neither of you could keep going with things the way they were. “I’m not sure,” you answered.

Patiently, Spencer inquired, “Do you want to break up?”

If you told him you hadn’t thought about it, you’d be lying. It broke your heart to think about ending things with him, to think that six years together didn’t mean something to the both of you. Spencer had never given any inclination that he was interested in anyone else, so maybe he should’ve told you about the football game, but you shouldn't have let your insecurities block any attempt at reconciliation. “No,” you responded truthfully.

He had tried, too. The one-sided conversations he had with floral bouquets, taking time off of work to help you while you recovered, and he had even limited his contact with your sister. “Do you want to go to couple’s therapy?”

You had heard through the grapevine that your sister was trying marriage counseling with Will, something about working on their communication skills. With that in mind, you nodded, “We can try it out.”

“Do you know what you want?” He asked, settling a hand on your thigh.

Through the sheer curtains, you looked outside, “I want to go,” you informed him, hopping off of the kitchen counter and to your shared bedroom, pulling on a pair of socks.

Confused, Spencer followed you around the apartment, “Wait. Where are we going?”

“I’m going,” you said simply.

He looked surprised at this, “It’s the middle of the night in the twenty-second largest city in the country, you’re not going out alone.”

You paused for a moment at his concern, watching the defeated look on his face morph into one of relief when you responded, “Then put your shoes on,” you encouraged.

As you waited by the door, mindful to not walk through the apartment with your shoes on, he stopped in your bedroom for a moment before coming back out and slipping his sneakers on. “Where are we going?”

Grabbing your keys off of the hook, you opened the door and held it for Spencer as he followed your lead. “You know at the start of Moby Dick when Ishmael says when he finds himself growing grim about the mouth and wanting to knock people’s hats off, he takes to the sea?”

He nods, taking the keys from your hand and locking the door behind him, glancing briefly at your neighbor’s door before handing your keys back to you, “I’m familiar,” he confirmed.

“Well, I’m feeling rather grim about the mouth,” you told him assuredly, slipping your keys into your pockets and slowly making your way down the hold staircase of your apartment building, listening for Spencer’s footsteps right behind you.

Even with your back turned, you knew his expression would be one of confusion, “So, you want to take to the sea?”

You quickly shook your head, the very last place you wanted to be was near a body of water in the middle of the night, “Not particularly, but maybe the park and some fresh air would do me some good.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” he confirmed, stepping around you to hold the front door open so that you could walk outside, the cool night air stinging your face as you did.

Taking a deep breath, you looked at the night sky, the stars hidden through the city’s light pollution.

Upon reaching the park, which was just a small green space down the street from your apartment, Spencer led you to a cement bench, the two of you sitting down and sitting in silence. You welcomed the cold air filling your lungs, watching the fountain from a distance and admiring the way the headlights of a few passing cars reflected off of the water.

He kept a hand on your back, gently moving his hand up and down your spine as the two of you reveled in the startling nighttime peace. “I haven’t been fair to you,” you murmured nervously, looking over at him.

“None of this has been fair to anyone,” he reminded you.

You sighed, “JJ confessed her feelings, not the other way around, and I- I shouldn’t have held that against you for so long.” The admission came to you easily, holding your breath as you waited for him to agree.

Spencer’s silence worried you, but then he finally responded, “I probably would have done the same thing, but I don’t think it’s right for me to speculate how I would or wouldn’t have acted in your shoes.”

“I just… she’s always been perfect. The perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect agent, and I’m… I’m just me,” you said helplessly, staring ahead at the fountain.

He took a deep breath, “You’re perfect to me.”

“Stop,” you chastised halfheartedly.

Chuckling, he placed his hand over yours, “I mean it. Sometimes perfection is about the final concoction and not about getting all of the steps right. You don’t need the perfect journey, and, to me, nothing proves that more than you.”

You hummed, “You’re sweet.”

 “For what it’s worth, I think, given the opportunity, you could be a perfect wife,” he said, nudging your leg with his knee, getting your head to snap to the side.

Jumping up from the bench, you smacked your hand over your mouth at the small black box that he had set on the stone surface. “What are you… what?” You asked breathlessly, looking behind you in the way people usually did when they were surprised, waiting to see if you were being pranked.

“It doesn’t have to be an engagement ring,” he reached down and snapped the box open, showing you the glimmering ring inside. “It can just be a promise because I am promising you right now, this is it for me. You are the only person I can see myself with, and I’m ready to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

Gaping at him, you looked between him and the ring before closing your mouth, “That sounds an awful lot like an engagement ring,” you told him, out of breath.

He nodded, “That’s because I want it to be.”

“Okay,” you answered.

“What?”

You giggled, he evidently hadn’t expected that answer, “Yes, Spencer.”

He stood up, tackling you in an embrace, “Thank goodness.” He said, relaxing into you as you returned his hug.

Over the past few months, you had been almost afraid of him asking you, worried that it would feel like an excuse. A band-aid over a bullet hole. But as you held each other tightly, all you felt was an overwhelming sense of right. This was where you were always meant to be. “Will you put it on me?”

He nodded slowly, sniffling as he pulled away from you, the warmth of his body leaving you as he nimbly took your left hand, slipping the ring on your fourth finger. The metal felt foreign on your skin, but you welcomed it nonetheless. “That has been sitting in my sock drawer for a year,” he admitted, placing both of his hands on your waist and meeting your eyes.

You beamed up at him, at both the revelation that he bought you a ring well before any of the trials and tribulations of the last few months and that he hid the ring in the one place you never touched – the seemingly bottomless abyss of unmated socks that Spencer called his sock drawer. “Thank you,” you breathed.

Spencer leaned his head down, hovering his lips just above your own, “For what, love?”

Blinking small tears out of your eyes, you answered, “For not giving up on us.”

He smiled, “Never,” he whispered before dropping his lips to yours, the intimacy of something as small as a kiss enough to bring butterflies to your stomach. “Do you want to go home? Or are you still feeling grim about the mouth?”

“Let’s go home, Spence,” you told him, pressing one last kiss to his lips before the two of you began the trek home, hand in hand.

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[ex-vengeancedemon]

Hey Jealousy

One shot btvs fanfic inspired by this post by @trulyanenchantedrose

Summary: A what-if scenario where in episode 2x01 When She Was Bad, Buffy dances with Spike instead of Xander to make Angel jealous.

Edit: I wrote another version of this fic from Spike's POV called "Payback and Performances"

Read below or on ao3

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Buffy stood in front of her mirror examining the little black dress she had purchased over the summer with something like indifference. It would do for a night out at the Bronze with Xander and Willow. A real head turner. She caught herself wondering briefly if Angel might be there. Not that it mattered. He was just another vampire. And she was the slayer. A match made by some god with a sick sense of irony.

Without bothering to tell her mom where she was going, she grabbed her coat and marched out of the house towards the Bronze. It was a nice night for a walk. As she walked passed the cemetery, she pointedly avoided looking in the direction of the Master's grave. Out of sight, out of mind. Tonight was for letting loose and living life to the fullest. She had to enjoy it while it lasted. It probably wouldn't last long. She had already cheated death once and wasn't expecting any more freebies.

She was surprised when she found herself standing in front of the Bronze with its characteristic illuminated sign. The walk had gone quicker than she had anticipated. She barely even remembered it. It was difficult to stay grounded lately. She often caught herself drifting... and she wasn't sure if returning to Sunnydale had improved the situation. Seeing everyone again, it was a lot to handle all at once. They all wanted her to be fine, to act normal. As if she didn't want that too.

Buffy steeled herself and took a deep breath. She could do this. Whatever fresh hell was thrown her way, she could handle it. She opened the door and entered the Bronze with her head held high and a bravado she found suited to the occasion. Cibo Matto had just started up a new song and the Bronze was packed with people swaying and dancing to the beat. Buffy shrugged off her coat and began to sway in time with the music as she started towards Willow and Xander's table. Of course, they were just sitting there. They never seemed able to make a move without her.

Before she could make it more than five steps through the door, she was intercepted by none other than her old flame, Angel. If he wasn't a centuries old vampire with seemingly constant ominous warnings, she might think he was stalking her. Despite her outward apathy, her mind flashed back to the previous night when he had visited her room. He had said he missed her. She pushed the thought down.

"Hi," Buffy said, raising her eyebrows at him in a sort of question.

"Hi," Angel replied.

He seemed a bit nervous, looking down at the ground. Looking anywhere but her eyes. Figures.

"So, is there danger at the Bronze?" she drawled. "Should I beware?"

Angel sighed and shook his head. "I can't help thinking I've done something to make you angry. And that bothers me more than I'd like."

Was he talking about last night? Or right now? She wasn't angry, but if he carried on like this she might start to be. What did he mean by 'bothers me more than I'd like'? As if liking her was some kind of travesty that he wished he could have avoided.

Buffy shrugged. "I'm not angry. I don't know where that comes from."

Angel seemed unconvinced. Why was it so difficult to get people to take you at your word?

"What are you afraid of?" he persisted. "Me? Us?"

Buffy scoffed. "Could you contemplate getting over yourself for a second? There is no us." She shook her head and gave an exasperated laugh. "Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't."

She thought she could see something like hurt on his face, but she didn't let up.

"I moved on," Buffy continued. Then, as she brushed passed him, she added for good measure, "To the living."

As if to prove her point, Buffy abruptly changed course, heading away from Xander and Willow and towards the dance floor. She caught her friends' puzzled expressions, but she ignored them. She could talk to them later. Or not. If not tonight, then tomorrow. They always seemed to be around. As unavoidable as Angel. Angel who was still watching her every move. What was the saying? We always want what we can't have?

Buffy felt multiple pairs of eyes on her as she scanned the dance floor. The dress was a success then. File that away for later. Finally she settled on a pair of eyes that had been watching her curiously from the edge of the dance floor. He was perfect. Bleached hair with a long black leather jacket, all he was missing was the studs for the punk-rock vibe. He looked like she felt: dangerous and out for trouble. It didn't hurt that he had a face that screamed "if looks could kill". That was important. But this wasn't retaliation, Buffy told herself, it was fun. It wasn't about Angel. It was about having a good time, and forgetting about-

Buffy strode up to the stranger as a bemused expression flickered across his features. Or maybe it was alarm? She couldn't really be sure. The lighting was dim.

"And just what can I do for you?" the stranger asked, raising an eyebrow with a smirk.

He had a British accent. Kind of like Giles. Only not like Giles. God, she really didn't want to be comparing him to Giles right now. She didn't want to be thinking of Giles at all. Or of vampires. Or slaying or any of it.

Buffy tilted her head in her best attempt at looking flirtatious. "Well this is a dance floor. Dance with me."

The stranger's eyes widened slightly and he let out a low chuckle. "Who am I to refuse a lady?"

Buffy took his hand and pulled him out into the center of the dance floor. No point in having fun if no one could see it. She spotted Angel still standing at the back out of her peripheral vision. Good. Maybe this would be what he needed to move on. She shoved down the sharp pain that thought caused.

Spinning around to face her new dance partner, Buffy slowly raised her hands above her head and began swaying her hips to the music. It was a slow, sultry song, which was perfect for all intents and purposes. Her partner placed his hands on her waist and pulled her closer as he moved along with her.

He leaned in closer to her ear and said, "Name's Spike."

"I don't remember asking," Buffy replied, moving her arms down over his head.

What kind of name was Spike anyway? Guess it matched his general vibe.

Spike just grinned back and pulled her flush against him. "Oh you're a fiery one. I like it. Got to appreciate a girl with flair."

Buffy locked eyes with him, holding his gaze just a bit too long. She suddenly felt very exposed. Like she had been caught doing something she shouldn't. She hastily turned around with her back facing Spike, wrapping his arms back around her waist as she did so.

He leaned down next to her ear and asked, "Is that your beau over there?"

"What?" Buffy asked, startled out of an almost trace-like state.

Even though she had asked who he was referring to, she knew he meant Angel. She had been watching him discreetly, sneaking glances here and there. At the moment, Angel's face was pale - even more so than usual - and drawn. If she had wanted to get under his skin, it looked like she was succeeding.

"The git you've been eyeing," Spike replied. She could feel him smirk against her ear. "What'd he do to merit this little show?"

Buffy reached up and put her hand behind his head, moving slowly down and then back up again. Spike's hands traced lightly along the curves of her body, barely concealed under the thin layer of fabric. She was keenly aware of his every move. Just as she was keenly aware of their observers. Even Willow and Xander had begun to gape.

As she moved his head back down to her neck, she answered, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Spike turned her around and placed his arms on her shoulders, locking his hands behind her. "Bloody right I would. But, I'll settle for evening the score. Want to give him a real show?"

He took her chin between his thumb and index finger and lifted her head up slightly. This time when they locked eyes, Buffy didn't look away. Taking that as an invitation, Spike leaned down and kissed her. The kiss started out slow but quickly deepened in a way familiar to the desperate and afraid. She shivered slightly as his hand traced up her spine. She hoped Angel was watching. She hoped they all were. She was fine. Perfectly fine.

Buffy pulled away, her skin slightly flushed, as the song came to an end. "Guess that's curtains."

"A gentleman would walk a lady home," Spike replied, still holding onto her waist.

"Are you a gentleman?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he replied, mimicking her earlier line.

He raised an eyebrow at her and offered her his arm. She hesitated for a moment before accepting it. It was only a walk. And leaving with Spike was sure to get a reaction out of- Nobody. It didn't matter.

She caught Spike winking at Angel as they walked to the door. Now that might be a bit much, but she elected to ignore it for now. She glanced back at Angel one last time, and was startled to find him glowering after her. She had expected some emotion from him, yes. But she hadn't thought it'd be anger. Why wouldn't it be? a little voice in her head whispered. He was a vampire. Anger was kind of the default.

Buffy and Spike had only gotten maybe 10 yards outside the Bronze when Buffy heard the metal door slam open.

Angel came rushing out and yelled after her. "Buffy!"

Spike took his hand back from Buffy and gave her a charming smile. "Well, I think that's my cue."

With that, he walked off - in no apparent hurry - with his hands in his pockets, leaving a bewildered Buffy behind him. Angel had broken out into a sprint and was barreling toward her and the whole situation seemed almost comical.

"Angel?" Buffy asked, giving him an irritated look. "What the hell?"

Spike raised an arm up and waved without looking back. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you around, Slayer!"

The blood rushed out of Buffy's face and her jaw clenched. How could he know that?

"Oh, and Angel?" Spike said, turning around and continuing to walk away backwards. "Your girl? Delicious."

He gave one last satisfied grin before disappearing around the corner.

Angel ran up next to her and stopped. Buffy wasn't sure she knew what to say. Angel wasn't saying anything. He was just glaring after Spike.

"Who the hell was that?" Buffy finally asked him.

-----

Note: Had to write it a bit out of character since the timing is so early in the seasons. My excuse for Angel not doing anything immediately is that Spike was threatening Buffy when she couldn't see and so Angel didn't do anything then. But since its written from Buffy's pov she wouldn't have known. Anyway, enjoy!

[incorrect-toriko-quotes]

Oh my God, I'm so glad you brought up Coco's past/childhood, the experimentation, etc. in your long post on it because I have being thinking about it for years. So nice to see someone talking about it, and how messed up what happened to him was. Would love to see any other rants/analysis you have on that. For example, it's been a long time since I've read the series, how is Coco's relationship to Ichiryuu/the other Kings presented? Thanks, and really enjoy your posts!

First, I’m glad you’ve been enjoying my posts! The fandom may be small, but its always worth contributing to!

You said you “would love to see any other rants/analysis you have on Coco’s past”, and trust me, I’m more than happy to deliver (believe me when I say I have a HUGE buildup of talking to do about this one specific topic)

Now, under the cut, I’m gonna answer your question on Coco’s relationships with the other characters. And I’m going to make this way more complicated than it needs to be. Because when it comes to the other characters (especially family members), Coco is one of those characters where his relationships have been heavily influenced by his past.

(Apologies in advance for how unnecessarily complicated I made this)

Let’s start with Anon’s question:

How is Coco's relationship to Ichiryuu/the other Kings presented?

Now, obviously, over the course of the series, it changes drastically. But let’s take a look at what we see in the beginning and see where we end up from there. (I’ve been going back through the series start-to-finish, since I’m finally getting to reading the VIZ translations of the manga)

In the beginning...

We all know that Coco was introduced really early in the series, at the beginning of Puffer Whale. He explains that, in order to avoid being hunted down by scientists, he moved to Gourmet Fortune and became a fortune-teller. This is not only to avoid the scientists themselves, but (moreso in the anime), its also mentioned that he tries to avoid the general media, which the scientists could use to find him through.

Now, I don’t know if anyone else remembers, but I’ll include this screenshot from Episode 4: Prepare It! The Poisonous Puffer Whale! The Heavenly King Coco Appears! (Manga equivalent is Gourmet 11: Into the Cavern We Go!!)

(A bit unrelated, but anyone else notice that he literally flinches when Komatsu jumps on him? At first I thought it was just because... that’s what you do when someone jumps on you. But then I got a closer look at this screenshot and realized just how uncomfortable he looks — hell, he looks more like he’s in pain than like he’s been startled.)

I remember seeing this, and seeing his realization that Komatsu isn’t afraid of him. At first I was like: “Okay, yeah. He lives alone in the woods with his crow and avoids other human beings like the plague. He thinks everyone is afraid of him. Makes perfect sense.”

But then I started taking a closer look at his relationship with the rest of the family (Ichiryuu, Rin, and the other Kings), as well as the other characters in general. That’s when I noticed something:

We rarely (if ever) see Coco make physical contact with anyone that isn’t Toriko or Komatsu.

Now, of course, there’s probably some things I’ve missed. But I’ve been trying to keep track of this as I go back through the series.

One thing (shortly after that last screenshot takes place) that Coco mentions is that he’s confused that Komatsu is willing to touch him because of his poison. And a few seconds/pages prior, Toriko was explaining to Komatsu that Coco had been experimented on in the past, and he left his old life behind to live quietly and undisturbed in Gourmet Fortune. And from there, as more of Coco’s character is revealed, we realize that it’s not just people around him being concerned for their own health and well-being (we all remember the fangirls in Gourmet Fortune). It’s that Coco, as a general rule, doesn’t like being touched.

Now, at first (again, in the context of the previous screenshots), we think it’s because of his poison. A mix of “I don’t want to be poisoned” from others and “I don’t want to poison you” from Coco. And obviously (based off his response to Komatsu), this is going to play a part in the reason why.

But then again, I would like to remind you that Coco was, canonically, experimented on. And for those of you who haven’t seen this post I made, it’s actually canon that he was branded a “Dangerous Beast” (by the scientists) when he was either 11 or 12 years old (with the odds being in favour of 11, as he has a birthday fairly late in the year).

(Image from Volume 2: Coco!! (Gourmet 11: Into the Cavern We Go!!) - VIZ Media translation. Yes, it’s the same image from my last post. Sue me.)

Now of course, you can all theorize as to what, specifically, said experimentation entails. (Personally, it just sounds like it would involve a lot of blood-drawing, but again, I think Shimabukuro wants us to make our own theories on this.)

But there’s something else to consider: if his aversions to being around other people (especially being touched), stem more from fear/trauma than from a desire to protect others. (And I think we can all agree that it’s not just introversion... this is more than a little on the ‘extreme’ side)

Now, to be perfectly clear: I’m not really referring to the process of the experimentation. I’m actually referring more to the fact that he was hunted for experimentation, as opposed to the experiments themselves.

One thing that’s always bothered me was the fact that it was the IGO who were hunting him.

Why is this bothersome?

Because the IGO wants to prevent war by beating the evil Gourmet Corp to GOD. Because the president of the IGO goes behind the backs of the corrupt, evil men who hog the food and spend lavishly at the casino to deliver food to children in poverty. Because its very clearly established that Ichiryuu’s a good father! Because, when Sunny, as a child, accidentally broke a cup and cut his arm, instead of focusing on the broken cup, Ichiryuu’s first concern is to look after the cut on Sunny’s arm. 

Because the IGO are supposed to be the good guys.

So when we see them doing morally questionable (and in some cases, morally repulsive) things, it’s jarring.

And even more so for the characters.

Think about this from Coco’s perspective, as an 11 year old child. Just for a moment. Thus far, he has seen the IGO...

Deliver food supplies to children living in poverty

Adopt some of these children (himself included)

Nurse these weak, malnourished children back to health

Raise them in a generally loving environment

Train them to be skilled Gourmet Hunters

I’m sure you’re expecting me to say something like: “He was a literal child, children are trusting!” but looking at this, why wouldn’t he trust them?

And that’s the big thing to consider when looking at his behaviour towards the other characters: The IGO’s repeated experimentation (and attempts at experimentation) were a betrayal of his trust in them.

He’s not just avoiding the scientists and the media by giving up his career as a Hunter. He’s avoiding the IGO as a whole. They betrayed him, and he can’t trust them anymore.

And then I took that back to his general avoidance mannerisms. As I mentioned: Coco rarely (if ever) touches anyone who isn’t Toriko or Komatsu.

(Top left: Volume 15: Zebra!! (Gourmet 125:  Journey to the Underworld!!) Top right: Volume 2: Coco!! (Gourmet 9: The Days of the Four Kings!!) Bottom left: Episode 5: The Deadly Cave Battle! Fire, Five-Fold Spiked Punch! Bottom right: Volume 5: The Regal Plateau!! (Gourmet 41: Confrontation and Invasion!!))

The above collage I made is a bit messy, but I think it serves its purpose. Coco rarely makes physical contact with anybody, and when he does, its with Toriko and Komatsu (and apparently mostly for comedic purposes,)

One thing worth noting, though, is that he does, in fact, offer to shake Sunny’s hand when they meet at Regal Plateau. Sunny declines and responds with...

...but it is worth noting that the offer was made. Sure, this could be interpreted as Coco doing the obligatory Older Sibling job of irritating Sunny, but when he says this, his tone isn’t snide or sarcastic. Furthermore, Coco is known for his reserved nature, and isn’t the type to draw attention to something he doesn’t want noticed. If Coco was truly dead set against Sunny touching him, its very unlikely he would’ve pointed out that Sunny was retracting his Feelers (because, let’s be real, it would be pretty in-character for Sunny to then send out his Feelers solely out of spite)

And that’s pretty much it. He doesn’t even seem to let Ichiryuu or Mansam inside his personal bubble. Every time they’re seen together, he stays a good distance away.

That last part is especially interesting. If Coco was truly keeping his distance solely to avoid poisoning people, then it seems unlikely that he’d come closer to Toriko, Sunny, and especially Komatsu, but avoid Ichiryuu and Mansam. If anybody’s going to be safe for him to be around, Ichiryuu is definitely in the top 3, if not at the very top of the list.

So thus far, we have a few things worth noting on the point of Coco’s general avoidance of all other people:

Coco initially claims that he avoids other people (especially being touched by other people) because of his poison, and is surprised when Komatsu dismisses that concern — in fact, he actually comes to become very close to Komatsu (emotionally) shortly after. More on that later.

Coco was experimented on by the IGO as a child, which was a massive betrayal of his trust in them

The only people he will let touch him are Toriko, Komatsu, and Sunny. He keeps his distance from even Ichiryuu and Mansam.

When everything is accounted for, Coco’s avoidance of other people is more an issue of trust than one of concern for their safety.

While its true that Coco directly says that its an issue almost solely of concern (the aforementioned “I don’t want to poison anyone and nobody wants me to poison them” mentality), if anything, seems more like a defense he’s prepared if he’s asked about it. I wouldn’t call it a lie (if anything, he might’ve even convinced himself that its true — but that’s just further speculation), but its definitely not the hard truth.

Anime-only fans may be surprised by this, but in Volume 3: The Thing!! (Gourmet 17: A Taste of Poison!!), Coco says this:

Makes sense, right? When he gets startled by Starjun’s GT Robot in Cavern Lagoon (literally 4 pages later), he (seemingly instinctively) prepares an extremely lethal poison — and (in the manga) almost collapses afterwards as a result (Hmm... perhaps one day I could try and analyse the effects Coco experiences of using his poison? I think the whump fans might enjoy that one)

But back to the main point: the fact that Coco says this is... odd to me. “Odd” to the point that I went back to recap large parts of the series, and sure enough... I didn’t actually find much in the way of Coco consuming canon alcohol. Things implied to be alcoholic? Yes. Things canonically established to be alcoholic? Ehh... not really.

I could elaborate on that more, but I’ll get back to the point.

The key thing he says here is that he “loses control of his poison”. Again, this makes sense (because again, Starjun’s GT Robot seemed to trigger his poison, and that was an emotional reaction. Surely being drunk would have a similar effect?).

But as I’ve mentioned: he doesn’t go near Ichiryuu, Mansam, or really any other powerful characters. He even keeps Tylan at a distance, and Tylan specializes in neutralizing poison.

But Toriko, Komatsu, and Sunny? They most definitely could not handle most of Coco’s poisons. And in the previous collage (bottom left), Toriko is holding Coco after a fight, mere seconds after Coco had been using his poison, ruling out the possibility that its a matter of situation/circumstance.

Consider now: the relationships Coco has with Toriko, Komatsu, and Sunny.

Coco (at least, at the beginning of the series) is closest to Toriko. They’re on fairly good terms, and their fight with the Devil Python (while containing the occasional playful jab at the other) is not just coordinated, but cooperative. They work well together, and they seem to get along the best out of the Kings.

When it comes to Sunny, sure, their relationship is a little strained. Sunny is jealous of Coco’s ability to make entrances, and has no qualms about saying harsh things that are, on occasion, hurtful. And Coco is still somewhat standoffish towards Sunny. But that’s not to say that they don’t seem to get along at least decently well. Unlike with Zebra, they don’t yell or argue that much. They bond over certain topics, and will still work together.

...I don’t think I need to say anything about Komatsu. Everyone likes Komatsu.

But look at these relationships compared to each other. What do they have in common?

Though they may not be the smoothest of relationships, they are at least decently trusting in nature. These are people that Coco knows he can trust.

Recall again, that Coco has had his trust in the IGO shattered by his past.

So, back to Anon’s question

How is Coco’s relationship to Ichiryuu/the other Kings presented?

Okay, so I may have strayed off topic a bit. But, well, Anon asked for more rants/analyses.

So, what does all that have to do with how Coco's relationships with the rest of the family are presented?

Well... it technically has nothing to do with it. But hear me out:

In terms of just presentation, I could sum it up in a list:

Toriko: Coco and Toriko arguably have the best relationships out of the Kings. They not only are willing to work with the other, but they automatically work together. I'd say more, but then I'd just be restating what I said earlier

Sunny: Coco and Sunny get along well enough, but its shown that they're not on the best of terms. Their relationship is somewhat strained, and they're both prone to slighting the other. Nevertheless, they're on decent terms. (Again, not gonna restate everything)

Zebra: Coco is shown to strongly dislike Zebra, especially early on. Most notably, he refuses to go with Toriko to pick up Zebra from prison without a second thought. However, due to Coco's generally docile nature, they don't get into huge fights like Toriko and Sunny do with Zebra.

Ichiryuu: ...It's complicated. While (as I said before) Ichiryuu is shown to be a generally gentle and caring father, this post elaborates a bit more on some of what could be extrapolated from the facts that Ichiryuu runs the IGO, and that the IGO has done some pretty awful things to Coco.

But, well, that's kind of a gross oversimplification of what is understood through context and offhanded comments about the past.

Because, when everything's been accounted for, Coco trusts Toriko and Sunny. Not just in the way that "they'd probably save his life if they had to", because let's be real, Ichiryuu would do that. Rin would do that. Hell, Zebra would do that.

But Ichiryuu runs the IGO. He's the president of the entire organization. And as I've mentioned in the past, he's not stupid. Goofy? Yes, but not stupid. Ignorant? Well, sometimes seemingly so for comedic effect, but he’s never proven to miss important things when it matters most.

When his child is being subjected to literal human experimentation, he can't pretend he doesn't know. And if he's the PRESIDENT OF THE IGO, he can't pretend he doesn't have the power to stop it. He's letting this happen. He's complacent in letting Coco be experimented on — something that's clearly established to be traumatizing. In the second picture featured, Toriko directly says: "He's gone through a lot of bad times. Enough to quit being a Gourmet Hunter."

Sure, as a general rule, Coco is presented with having generally decent relationships with everyone else. But when it comes to how he truly feels about most of the other characters (especially when taken in the context of his past, which perfectly enough, is what Anon was asking for), its a general distrust in almost everyone. (Because he was betrayed by the IGO, of all organizations.)

Now, what I’m about to say is fairly off-topic, but then again, what in this WALL OF TEXT wasn’t?

One thing I’m sure many of us find to be at least somewhat irritating is when introversion is treated as a character flaw that has to be “fixed”. Its never quite sat right with me when I see an introvert be “fixed” into being an extrovert by the end of a story.

But strangely enough, they didn’t really do this with Coco.

Not because he stayed an introvert the whole series (though really, he did stay fairly reserved).

But, because the extreme lengths he was willing to go to in order to avoid other people? The things he did that went beyond introversion in order to stay away from people?

Those are things we see lessening over the course of the series. Sure, he may still live on a precipice in the woods, but after Cooking Fest, he invites Sunny and Zebra over.

Think about those with that scene towards the end of Puffer Whale in mind:

(Screenshot taken from Episode 6: The Knocking Master! Time to Taste the Puffer Whale!)

Again, I’m going to end this rant on an invitation for further speculation. I wonder if most of Coco’s character development is less about him overcoming his fears of his poison (or, if you want to get philosophical, his fear of himself), and more about overcoming the fear of himself he came to develop after a series of very traumatic experiences (being convinced by these scientists that he’s a “Dangerous Beast” that should be locked up), and gradually coming to be able to trust people again?

---

And of course, feel free to add to this in the notes! Or laugh at the sheer amount of time I’ve spent analysing this. Or yell at me for being too confusing and not just answering the question directly.

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Movie Review: The New Mutants (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: I am posting this review the week following the movie first airing in the U.K, so if you haven’t yet seen The New Mutants do not read on until you have.

General Reaction:

A three year delay for the final instalment of a twenty-year franchise, was it ultimately worth it? Well as an X-Men fanatic I am always going to say yes, it wasn’t a swan song or a wrap up to the X-Men Cinematic Universe, far from as it was originally pitched as the start of a trilogy and does sew the seeds for that. However, while Dark Phoenix did feel like a sombre instalment not only for that “First Class” timeline but also the team movies as a whole, this had an air of sadness to it because this is the last time I will see anything X-Men related on the big screen for who knows how long.

In that sense, this was an emotional movie for me, more than just the fact that the emotion of fear is a running theme through the movie. However, in terms of my actual enjoyment of the movie, it was a very good movie for what it was.

When your very final movie is effectively an origin movie then there’s always going to be that sense of incompleteness, and what this movie teases both for these characters and who is the big bad behind all of this, it’s really frustrating to know it’s over before it truly starts.

With that in mind, The New Mutants is very slow to get started as there’s a lot of exposition and because it feels like it’s own branch of the X-Men Cinematic Franchise, similar to Deadpool, there is a level of “Beginner’s Guide to Mutants 101″ at play here with the explanation of what a Mutant is and when a young or “New Mutant” first discovers their powers that, to give this movie credit, I have never truly seen explored properly outside of the comics other than a quick explanation from Storm to Jubilee in the first episode of X-Men: The Animated Series.

It’s also disappointing to know that unlike X-Men: The Last Stand or Dark Phoenix, there isn’t a sense of finality for these characters as we have just been introduced to them. Outside of Sunspot who has briefly appeared in X-Men: Days of Future Past, this is the first cinematic appearance for all of these characters. The X-Men are briefly mentioned and Professor X is alluded to quite cleverly but every character outside of Sunspot is debuting here and to know they’re never going to be seen in this continuity again with a chance to develop is very sad.

In terms of the “horror” aspects of this movie I have to say this is very comic-book horror as in how Blade in the late 90s was horror. If you know the jump scares in this movie are coming then there are no jump scares, so basically if you’ve seen the trailers you know the jump scares.

As a horror movie, it felt very much like It-lite in terms of the theme of bringing nightmares into reality, only without the hard R-rating of the blood and gore because outside of one maybe two scenes there is nothing truly horrific to look at here.

There’s also a great parallel to the Gentlemen from Buffy the Vampire Slayer shown from their episode in this movie and the Smiley Men who are Illyana’s nightmare brought to life. They’re creepy like them but they’re not as sinister as them...and that is a great choice of wording considering who the big bad behind the scenes of this movie is.

As an X-Men movie, which is what this is as the New Mutants in the comics are basically younger versions of the X-Men, as I say the first half of this movie isn’t that power heavy but is about introducing and establishing this team, the second half/last third on the other hand is power heavy. Not exactly Days of Future Past or Apocalypse heavy but still heavy for the powers this group of Mutants have.

Overall generally as both an X-Men movie and a comic-book movie, this was really a great movie particularly for the first new movie I have seen since lockdown.

Characters:

So this breakdown will be easy as there’s only really six characters to talk about but I’m going to make it a seven-character breakdown as the looming presence in the shadows of this movie deserves their own section.

Illyana Rasputin:

Alright so it is somewhat difficult to say if Illyana is my favourite or if Rahne is my favourite but I ultimately landed on Illyana for first as Anya Taylor-Joy is really in the spotlight the entire way through this movie. Every time she’s in a scene she commands the attention, and all five of the New Mutants have solo scenes so for Illyana to stand out the most, this is why she is #1 for me.

I’m not entirely sure where this movie takes place in terms of the overall X-Men timeline...but considering it’s supposedly in the revised timeline and Colossus is a member of the X-Men in the late noughties/early 2010s, I imagine this is either around the same time or can even be modern day (2017 or 2020).

Anya Taylor-Joy is as suited to the role of Magik as Channing Tatum would have been as Gambit in my opinion. Not only does she have a reasonable Russian accent but she just simply looks like how Magik looks in the comics.

I loved the rebel teen angst she had all the way through from when we first meet her to the very end, not only is it fitting for the movie but in my opinion it’s fitting for the character. This is a girl that literally goes through some resemblance of hell and is effectively a serial killer so of course she is going to have this icy dark exterior.

In terms of powers, I am slightly disappointed she never fully armoured up, it was always just her left arm that she had armoured complete with Soulsword, whereas in the comics her main look is her entire body. I guess the argument could be made the majority of it is simply a uniform and her arm is the only part armoured but I would have liked to have at least seen her crown.

But Magik’s powers for me here are an interesting combination of Zatanna and Nightcrawler which is a very good combination. The scene where she first appears through limbo fighting the Smiley Men was very impressive.

I would have also enjoyed it if we had spent more time in Limbo, given that we always saw cameo flashes of it whenever she manifested a portal, but we never actually had a full scene of her in her “special place”.

Not being too familiar with the comics however, I am almost completely unaware of Lockheed as a character. My only prior knowledge is his appearance in Pryde of the X-Men as a pest and I have to say I much prefer him here. The animation of both Lockheed and the Demon Bear were stellar.

As I say, I feel we have only just scratched the surface with where this version of Magik could go. I doubt very much Kevin Feige would bring Anya Taylor-Joy back if/when he does bring the character into the MCU because he doesn’t like playing with used toys but if ever there was an exception I would hope it would be her.

Rahne Sinclair:

It is slightly obvious to think of when Maisie Williams was filming for this movie as her hair, unless it’s a wig, is in that “Arry” phase of her Game of Thrones tenure.

Because of the current entertainment climate and the non-starting stance this movie finds itself released in, I think the lesbian romance between Rahne and Dani is going to go unnoticed. But considering this is the first major LGBT romance in a comic-book property I feel this movie will be cheated out of that representation in favour of what is to eventually come from Marvel.

Outside of the romance, I feel Rahne’s story rooted in her religion and mutation was fantastic. I love me some werewolf action and I feel I saw enough actual wolf to satisfy Rahne spending most of her time in “halfway form” as the character has been known to do in the comics.

The fact her nightmare was that religious leader branding her as a werewolf and thereby a monster, not only was it believable given her character but also the parallels to devout religious views on homosexuality were subtle but there.

I do feel the character spent way too much time screaming towards the end of the movie. This girl is a werewolf but spent most of the final battle as the screaming protector of her unconscious lover, I mean she was I guess helpful in waking Dani back up but never truly let rip like I feel the character could have.

I’m not entirely sure if Williams has any Scottish heritage about her but the slipping in and out of the accent was slightly distracting at times. When she was able to be loud the accent was often broken but in her quieter moments or longer dialogue scenes you could hear it.

I do appreciate keeping the nationality of the character from the comics, considering the mess they made of Banshee and Moira MacTaggert, and I do understand having an at the time name talent like Maisie Williams in the role, but there are surely Scottish actresses out there and the casting pool wasn’t exactly high for this movie.

Dani:

The main character in this movie, or focal character I guess as it’s an ensemble movie, is either Illyana or Dani, but because we start with Dani and are introduced to the other characters through Dani I guess she is the focal character.

Again, I give credit to the movie for keeping the nationality of the characters from the comics, but while Anya Taylor-Joy and Maisie Williams border on appropriation as they are not Russian or Scottish themselves, although Anya is of Scottish Argentine descent, Blu Hunt is at least Native-American as Dani is. I think they come from different tribes but I don’t think people are going to focus too much on that technicality.

Similarly to all these characters I don’t really know much about Dani so have no frame of reference to compare her to. I remember she appeared in one episode of X-Men: Evolution and I know her powers involve dreams, which similarly to the majority of the characters in this movie lends itself beautifully to a horror movie, but that’s about it.

I felt her relationship with Rahne was genuine and her own “survivors guilt” over being the only member of her family still alive after the Demon Bear attack was well explained.

I just didn’t understand why it was decided that Reyes had to kill Dani because of the severity of her powers, maybe it was the unpredictability of her powers because their limitations are literally the power of imagination, but I thought Reyes was responsible for sorting out those capable of being killers...surely the power to bring nightmares to life as many times as it takes to kill the person qualifies?

With the Demon Bear being tamed at the end of the movie, I kind of don’t see anywhere for Dani to go if they did continue, she still has the power to solidify nightmares, and I guess she can always call on the Demon Bear, but unlike Rahne or Magik I do not see any further development for her.

Sam:

Sam Guthrie aka Cannonball was an interesting one for me as I knew the character and I knew the actor, but hadn’t properly seen either one fully explored before. I have not watched Stranger Things so do not really know Charlie Heaton’s acting potential...but what I do know is he is from Yorkshire and cannot really do a Kentucky accent.

As for the character of Cannonball, I thought that early scene of him strapping himself to that weight while zooming through the air to either test himself or hurt himself was really well realised. There wasn’t enough of him going full cannonball throughout the movie, mostly it just came across as a sort of super speed which in a way I guess it is but projecting that force-field while he is zooming about is what makes the power set unique.

Similarly to Dani he had guilt over his nightmare which was him causing a mining accident which killed his co-workers and dad, but unlike Dani who never really developed the thought of it being her fault for her family’s death because of her conjuring the Demon Bear, Sam did at least hold a lot of guilt over what had happened...despite his nightmare being probably the weakest as the main effect it had was totalling a washing machine.

I also didn’t understand the back-to-back scenes of Sam suggesting he was meant to be in the hospital and felt he had to be there, but then in the next scene him trying to walk out saying he doesn’t belong there. Maybe it was the editing but it just seemed like a complete 180 from scenes that were literally back-to-back.

Roberto:

As I said this is Sunspot’s second cinematic appearance and I guess in the revised timeline he has gone from being portrayed by Mexican actor Adan Canto to now Brazilian actor Henry Zaga.

I didn’t feel the boys in this movie had that much to do, with both Sam and Berto it did feel like them simply coming to terms with their powers. I did like how both had that fear of hurting people and both had to learn I guess to push past that fear.

With Berto’s fear though, I do feel his power first manifesting in conjunction to him reaching sexual maturity was very well explored, because of course the combination of testosterone and becoming a living solar flare are not exactly two things anyone wants to mix. So when the result is burning your girlfriend to a crisp it is going to shake you.

Outside of his powers though there wasn’t a lot to the character and it is hard to remember a good line that he or Sam had that weren’t douchey, but for what we got he was a good character.

Reyes:

Wow this woman deserved to be eaten by the Demon Bear, which by the way I found almost as humorous as Katie McGrath being carried away by a pterodactyl in Jurassic World.

But yes, this doctor was the “villain” of the movie as she was the agent of the big bad Essex Corporation in charge of determining the new mutants’ powers and whether or not they’re worth progressing to their facility.

Outside of that I didn’t really think much of her as a character, she wasn’t a sympathetic character, she wasn’t believing to be doing this for the benefit of these young mutants, she was simply following orders.

It’s a deviance from the comics where Reyes is a hero and member of the X-Men, whereas here she is far from it.

Alice Braga is also regionally appropriately cast as she is Brazilian whereas the character is Puerto Rican, although whenever she spoke I kept thinking about Gal Gadot a lot, even looks wise there are similarities.

Sinister:

Now let’s talk about the looming big bad who I imagine would have been the major big bad of this supposed trilogy. Despite the new mutants believing the facility to be owned and run by the X-Men, it is in fact run by the Essex Corporation...Essex as in Dr. Nathaniel Essex, a biologist obsessed with evolution who became the Mutate supervillain Mister Sinister.

I want to see Mister Sinister in a live-action movie so badly it’s unreal, they’ve done Apocalypse so why they can’t do Sinister I don’t know.

This isn’t the first time Sinister has been alluded to as the Essex Corporation was in an end credits scene of X-Men: Apocalypse that acquired samples of Wolverine’s blood presumably to create X-23, but because those events took place in the 80s and these events take place in somewhat modern day it’s hard to correlate the two.

Obviously we are no longer going to get X-Men movies in this universe and continuity, but with the seeds being sown for Sinister more than once now, the baton has been laid down for Feige to finally bring this villain to life.

Reccomendation:

If like me you are more or less interested in just completing the twenty-year franchise because you love these characters and any interpretation of them then this is the movie for you. However, don’t expect wall to wall action, and I would recommend not getting too attached to these characters. It’s too late for me with Illyana I already love her and already feel Anya Taylor-Joy has set a high bar for whoever plays Magik next.

But for me personally, this franchise has been my favourite movie franchise and my favourite property. Even the bad movies I can at least find something good about them regardless of if the overall movies have been good or not. But just to reiterate, I do feel this is one of the good movies.

In a ranking of the 13 movies (not counting Once Upon a Deadpool), this ranks somewhere between #6-8 for me.

Overall I rate the movie a solid 8/10, by no means the best or a perfect X-Men movie but by no means one of the worst. The movie benefits from new characters (aside from Sunspot) but suffers due to the inevitability of this being the definitive end for the current franchise.

So what did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more Movie Reviews as well as other posts.

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2020 According to YOU!

  One of the defining features of anime as a medium are the fight scenes. From their diversity of visuals and dramatic staging to their use in narrative development to the off-the-wall powers and techniques their characters employ. Watching weightless CG battles in superhero flicks, it’s hard not to feel like Hollywood is decades behind. Let’s fix that by letting YOU decide who gets some accolades.

  If you’ve read this article’s companion pieces on 2020’s OPs and EDs you know the drill. What follows is a list of the Top 10 fight scenes of 2020 as determined by viewership on the Crunchyroll Collection YouTube channel, weighted at 30 days so anime from earlier in the year don’t get an advantage and to balance flash-in-the-pan popularity vs iconic moments that will continue on in the fandom’s consciousness. It’s not a perfect metric but I’ve gotta say, the results do show some great taste ...

  10. Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? - Ais vs Asterius

    Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? has always been measured with its action, honing its greatest moments into dramatic peaks, so it was great we were able to finish 2020 with not only some of its biggest battles, but Ais finally stepping on the gas for the first time on television since 2017 by battling the legendary minotaur Asterius. Ais didn’t disappoint, as she shouldn’t with her place at the very top of the adventuring world and an unreachable ideal Bell aspires to. Also, opening the fight by shearing off her opponent’s arm may be the most brutal kickoff to a Danmachi fight we’ve seen yet. This battle topped 500k in its first 30 days and I’m confident will make a lasting impression.

  9. Tsugumomo2 - Kazuya vs Kyouka

    Tsugumomo’s second season delivered some absolutely huge battles, but I gotta say I’m surprised the top fight wasn’t Kanaka terrorizing the entire cast of the series with their hunt for blood. That said, Kazuya’s battle against Kyouka had some spectacular effects, a few creative obi adaptations, a divine possession, and a shorted punch to secure the victory so it had all the primary features that make Tsugumomo fights great … And for fans of the series, yes it also had that … This fight drew 600k views in its first 30 days to secure its spot on the list.

  8. A Certain Scientific Railgun T - Level 6 Mikasa vs Touma and Sogiita

    A Certain Magical Index and its various spinoffs have a penchant for going completely off the rails very quickly. This fight in spinoff A Certain Scientific Railgun T is every bit as absurd. Mikasa is pushed into Level 6, giving her godlike power and sending her into a berserk state that only Touma’s magic destroying hand can take down. We also get a guest appearance from one of the series' best side characters in Sogiita whose ability to literally turn guts into power is impossible not to love. 

  Basically, the fight was amazing, Mikasa’s Level 6 form and its absurd power were wonderfully adapted by JC Staff and Touma and Sogiita showed off some amazing combo attacks to prevents the destruction of the city. In particular, Sogiita’s “Super Amazing” punch and princess carrying Touma drew 700k viewers in its first 30 days.

  7. Golden Kamuy - The Stenka

    The most common phrase I hear from Golden Kamuy fans is that the series is underappreciated and, as a Golden Kamuy fan, I’m inclined to agree. This series is so violent, I’m constantly surprised by what it gets away with. I’m hard-pressed to think of another series that has aired in the past five years with the same level of brutality. Basically, I’m saying I’m overjoyed to see Golden Kamuy made the list, even if it's from one of its most tame battles that is simply a no-holds-barred free-for-all where everyone gets their nose broken by a berserk Sugimoto. 

  Might have been the JoJo's reference (not really) but this battle got 700k views in 30 days and just barely beat out Railgun T by ~1k views.

  6. JUJUTSU KAISEN - Gojo vs Sukuna

    Another series I’m unsurprised to see on the list but with an unexpected battle. I would have imagined Gojo’s battle against Jogo might have drawn more attention, or perhaps more recently, Itadori’s battle with Mahito. This clip does make sense after a fashion. It was a breakout moment where MAPPA showed they really meant business adapting JUJUTSU KAISEN and the fight was between two characters that have become fan favorites. 

  Definitely, a defining moment that pulled in double the seventh placer's views at 1.4 million in its first 30 days! Since JUJUTSU KAISEN is still attracting new fans and already topping popularity lists, I imagine it would have been even higher given a bit more time in 2020. Gojo vs Sukuna has continued its upward climb to almost 3 million views, putting it only a few days away from claiming the Number 4 spot in lifetime views. Not bad for an anime in the year's final quarter!

  5. Boruto - Sarada vs Sakura

    BORUTO: NARUTO NEXT GENERATIONS has delivered spectacularly animated battles for just about its entire run that prove this anime is no afterthought to the Naruto franchise. Despite a wide selection of quality battles that dropped in 2020, I must admit I knew this one would be at the top. What self-respecting Naruto fan wouldn’t be interested in seeing a less-than-friendly mother/daughter slugfest between Sarada and Sakura? Although theoretically a training match to help Sarada develop her Sharingan, the amount of destruction makes it clear that one wrong move and even Sakura’s medical Jutsu would have trouble putting either of them back together again.

  The Uchiha family battle secured its place with 1.5 million views in its first 30 days. Sarada's family moments, even the ones without fighting, are always winners and Sarada vs Sakura is the third youngest clip on the list so I'm guessing this one is going to withstand the test of time.

  4. One Piece - Zoro vs Hitokiri Kamazo

    One Piece has been on a tear since the beginning of its much-anticipated Wano Kuni arc. Even after delivering a huge battle between Luffy and Katakuri at the end of Whole Cake, there has been a notable bump in the frequency and quality of standout animation in the long-running series, which is great to see since the Wano arc is a series of back-to-back skirmishes that can be elevated by some explosive visuals. 

  No moment this year stands out more in my memory than Zoro’s battle against Hitokiri Kamazo and it seems the fans agree. Zoro borrowing his enemy’s weapon to pull off an amazingly animated Purgatory Onigiri may be one of the coolest sequences in One Piece’s almost 1,000-episode long run. This moment also got 1.5 million views in 30 days, narrowing beating Boruto by about 13k views.

  3. Black Clover - Everyone vs The Devil

    Black Clover has grown as a production to develop a unique visual style for magic-heavy battles and really deliver some hugely impressive battles. It’s ramp up hit a peak in 2019 with the battle between Julius and Licht and it’s been riding high ever since. The top fight of 2020 is an obvious one, as the climactic moment of the series' insanely escalating arc kicked off by Julius and Licht’s battle. It seems like half the cast piled into Hell to take on the unnamed devil and his overpowered word soul magic. To be honest I was surprised the series kept going at all after a moment this climactic (I’m not complaining though).

  The final attack of this battle drew 1.6 million views in its first 30 days and now sits proudly in the Number 2 spot for lifetime views on this list at over 5.5 million!

  2. The God of High School - Jin vs Jaegal

    With its sheer number of lovingly animated battles, The God of High School was a shoo-in for this list and might represent 50 percent or more of its total entries if I hadn’t limited it to one entry per series. Jin vs Jaegal is a natural choice, as the climactic battle of the fast-paced fighting series which delivered on the much-anticipated reveal of Jin Mori’s charyeok. This one really put the god in the high school, jumping far past One Piece to pull 2.1 million views in its first month.

  1. My Hero Academia - Endeavor vs Special Nomu

    My Hero Academia had a huge climactic battle to cap off the winter season, so I gotta say I’m surprised to see it’s the other one that secured the top spot as the Number 1 battle of 2020. Deku vs Overhaul was a huge moment for the series and definitely sits in the upper half of this list, if not the Number 2 spot — but something about Endeavor fighting a Nomu really pulled in a crowd, even putting the clip on YouTube’s trending list. It continues to creep upward at 7.5 million views. One of the most-watched moments of the entire year!

  On reflection moments that show a theoretical power ceiling of a series are always impactful, such as Orochimaru’s battle with Sarutobi or even My Hero Academia’s own battle between All Might and All for One. Endeavor definitely pulled out the guns for this battle to leave an impression before the long wait until the next season ... Or maybe it was just because he said “plus ultra?” Regardless, Endeavor blasted past even the Number 2 spot on this list at 3.7 million views in its first 30 days.

  Those were the best battles of 2020 according to you and, consequently, the last of this series of Top 10 lists. When it comes to fights there’s a lot more to look forward to in 2021. Boruto, Black Clover, and One Piece have all been building toward their current arcs' big conflicts and each seems primed to pull the trigger early next year. If that weren’t enough JUJUTSU KAISEN is about to kick off its school event and MHA is set to make its return.

  That does it for 2020. Hope to see you all at the same time next year.

  If you feel the fandom has missed a great moment, feel free to share it in the comments below!

      Peter Fobian is an Associate Producer at Crunchyroll, writer for Anime Academy and Anime in America, and an editor at Anime Feminist. You can follow him on Twitter @PeterFobian.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Peter Fobian

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: “The Enemy of Trust”

Welcome to the finale, folks! A quick fun fact for you all. Total length of RWBY Recaps Volume 7 is:

68,611 words, or 115 pages single spaced. Yeesh. No wonder I never got anything else done on Saturdays.

Overall thoughts on the finale? There are pieces embedded in this episode that I really liked. Meaning, all these conflicts and reveals could be seen as truly wonderful bits of storytelling... provided you ignore the horrible, messy context it’s all situated in. For example, I greatly enjoyed that fight with Neo... provided I ignore the stupidity that was the group keeping the relic in the first place. I love the idea of Penny becoming the Winter Maiden... it’s just too bad there wasn’t any setup for that in the form of Penny’s emotional growth, either by re-bonding with Ruby or by something amounting from that frame job. I adore that Ozpin is finally back!! ...So I guess I just have to ignore how he pretty much only existed as thematic exposition and that his bad treatment by the writers hangs over his return. It’s all very “Could have been good if the rest hadn’t been so astoundingly bad.”

First though, before the plot, I wanted to dip by toe into some of the questions we went into this volume with and some of the primary ones that sprung up along the way. Simple answers are attached.

Will the group’s dangerous attitude be addressed along with the introduced hypocrisy in regards to secret keeping? Ha! Not at all. Everything was thoroughly reinforced and last we saw the group---besides generic airship shots---they were triumphantly defeating Ironwood’s evil Ace Ops. So that’s that on that.

Will Ozpin come back and will there be reconciliation with the group? Yes! But also no! Why have a volume tackling with the biggest personal conflict the group has ever faced when you could instead just have another “Ozpin speaks a handful of words during a life-and-death situation”? Yes, yes he gets that massive monologue. We’ll get to that, but suffice to say it doesn’t exactly accomplish anything. Just hammers home how desperate I am to have his character back that I’ll take anything they’re willing to give me.

How will the group handle the death of Adam---one of the most significant deaths to date next to Pyrrha’s---and how will the reveal of his brand impact Weiss and her time at home? It won’t. Blake and Yang vaguely reference him once and that’s it. Apparently killing your abuser in self-defense creates no lasting trauma we should deal with and major reveals from villains straight up don’t matter.

What will the story do with their new character Maria? Uh, nothing. She exists off screen for the entire volume, only popping up in the last second to (maybe?) help Pietro get the scrolls working again. Oh, and she’s stolen another airship.

How will Qrow’s alcoholism continue to impact the group and how will he learn to start managing his addiction? No idea because that happened off screen. And then was presumably erased when Clover died.

Will the group ever discuss the hopelessness attached to their mission and come to the realization that their fight is worthwhile even though they can’t kill Salem? Sort of...? Because yeah they come to that realization but, again, it happens off screen. More significantly, it happens so well, apparently, that the group is now willing to feed Ironwood’s own false hope (like the fandom claims Ozpin did to them) and will be able to stand in front of Salem herself and announce that she’s totally beatable. And we’re going to risk a whole Kingdom on that came-out-of-nowhere confidence.

What does the Staff of Creation do and how will our characters potentially use it in their plans against Salem? We learn that the staff keeps Atlas afloat and it’s definitely a part of Ironwood’s plans, so there’s that.

How will Ruby continue to train and improve her Silver Eye powers? In the messiest and most contradictory manner possible. We’re shown twice in the last three episodes that she can’t get them to work and then suddenly they’re working again when the plot wants Cinder to skedaddle because there’s five minutes of the episode left. Like Qrow’s semblance, Ruby’s eyes are based on a switch that the writers turn on or off depending on their whim.

What will this volume tell us about Nora given all the hype surrounding the importance of her character this season? Nothing, really. All Nora does is solidify her relationship with Ren in a non-consenting manner and yell at Ironwood about Mantle while helping to orchestrate the city’s lack of resources. Even ignoring the issues inherent in these scenes, what we “learned” about Nora this volume is that she loves Ren, is protective of those who come from a similar background as she does, and will run to hug Oscar when given the chance. So...nothing. 

Now the reason I provided this long-ass introduction is so that a) we can remember what we actually hoped/expected the volume to accomplish now that we’ve reached the end (RWBY introduces so many things that viewers---myself included---outright forget that we were supposed to tackle certain plot points or character beats) and b) to demonstrate just some of the writing problems that are impacting this finale. This is what I mean when I say that this finale could have been really solid if not for... all of that. And “that” is just a small sampling of the issues we’ve built up over the last two years. 

But on to the actual plot.

We open on Jaune yelling, “Give up!” at Neo, which isn’t a heavy-handed reflection of the entire RWBYJNR group or anything. As said though, I did really enjoy the choreography of this fight. Oscar gets that excellent moment where he catches the relic with his cane, as well as when he grabs hold of Neo’s legs to keep her from fleeing. Jaune manages to protect them with two different kinds of shields now embedded in his shield. It’s a shield-shield. And Neo herself is always a joy to watch, demonstrating so much personality as she teases her way through each attack. I was thinking throughout this scene that I’d love to see her and Tyrian fighting together. That would be an excellent blend of insane/arrogant enjoyment.

The problem is that Neo is just having such an easy time of it. Which, I should be clear, is what I wanted based on the logic of the situation. Neo should be able to kick their asses with relative ease. The only reason why this is an issue is because it severely complicates what we saw last episode. How was Oscar able to survive her attack for however long? How was he able to land such a solid punch when now Ren and Nora fly at her with the same kind of obviousness and Neo deflects them with ease? I’m thrilled that the finale gave us such a long moment with Oscar, but the series as a whole still has a problem with relegating most of his development off screen. Seeing the comparatively vulnerable farm boy face off against one of our strongest villains should have been a focus last episode, not something that happens in the ether of, “Well I guess all that worked out somehow despite Neo kicking their asses here.” It’s an issue of consistency and convenience primarily. The show seems to have the characters on a very malleable power scale nowadays. Oscar isn’t strong enough to help with the geist, but he’s strong enough to land the first solid hit on Neo. Team RWBY is strong enough to take out the most elite group of huntsmen in Atlas, but Team JNR isn’t strong enough to take out a single villain four to one. It makes it harder to invest in anyone or anything because we’re always on shaky ground. The viewers never know when the writing will obey the rules it has set up or chuck them away on a whim.

The fight is interrupted though when the guards spot them. Did Ruby mention that they were being arrested in her announcement? Did Ironwood announce that before or after Ruby called? I honestly can’t remember and right now I’m too lazy to check. I was just a little surprised that Jaune immediately knew to run from the guards, rather than going, “Hey, crazy woman attacking us please help.” But eh, I’m happy enough to chalk that up to either my own shaky memory or a small connection lost. RWBY has way bigger problems than details like, “How did so-and-so know about such-and-such?” Not unless that information holds way more weight.

So they flee and we actually get to see some reaction to fighting for once. Oscar in particular is clearly exhausted and his clothes are done-in from the battle. Later, while hiding in the training room, all four of them will be leaning against the wall, heaving after facing Neo. Again, this is good. This is how newly-minted huntsmen should be reacting to fighting people way beyond their skill level. It’s only a problem when we compare these details to what we got last week with Team RWBY. Showing JNOR’s exhaustion from a quick bout with Neo no way aligns with RWBY’s perky, totally fine, no auras broken and no tiredness characterization after facing off against four Ace Ops for a significantly longer period.

So there’s some serious plot armor at work there. It became even more clear this episode that Team RWBY won because Team RWBY always gets what they want, not because it makes any sense in-world. But we’ll have to deal with any other consequences of that next volume because they’re barely in the rest of this episode. Instead, we return to the Winter, Penny, and Cinder fight where Cinder casually tosses Penny aside with her grimm arm. She’s briefly held back by Winter’s summoned birds, but that’s hardly going to faze her in the grand scheme of things. In fact, Cinder still has enough energy and confidence to start some philosophizing while she fights. She tells Winter that she may think “hoarding power means you’ll keep it forever, but it just makes the rest of us hungrier.” Self-fulfilling words from the woman hell-bent on acquiring and hoarding all the Maiden powers? As absurd as Cinder’s beliefs are, that “And I refuse to starve” line was pretty badass. On the whole I think she’s a boring villain, but every once in a blue moon Cinder will have a cool moment before she becomes irrelevant again.

The fight continues as Penny returns to the fray and it sounded to me that she was making more noise during this fight than normal. Granted, we’ve rarely seen Penny engage in an all-out brawl that lasts for more than a few seconds, but the additions certainly help with where she’s heading this episode. Particularly moments such as when they’re outside and Cinder’s sword blows up in Penny’s face, causing her to outright scream. It’s a very human sound, setting up the reveal that yes, an android is human enough to take on the Maiden powers. And if you go by some fan theories, “woman enough” (for lack of a better term) given that her aura is a man’s, Pietro’s. Penny is a girl regardless of starting out with male aura, leading to some wonderful and interesting takes on her as a trans character. Now I’m not giving that praise to Rooster Teeth---this isn’t them giving us representation---rather, I’m praising the fandom’s ingenuity and ability to adopt characters into their own communities. You don’t need “evidence” to headcanon transness, but having a girl born of a man’s aura go on to acquire woman-only power can definitely help. 

Granted, Penny’s vocalizing here is just a tiny detail that I’m choosing to apply positively to an outcome. I nevertheless stand by my early belief that Penny simply didn’t have the development needed to land her in the Maiden position. Having her grapple with her own death, Ruby her resurrection, and the loss of Mantle’s support would have achieved that. It’s clear now why Rooster Teeth brought her back, but that doesn’t mean they’ve treated her character well for the last twelve episodes. Instead, in true RWBY fashion, a lot was introduced with no followup.

As said though, they take things outside to give us a decently cool battle between three characters who can fly. While in the air though Winter’s aura is broken and she starts to plummet. Obviously Penny catches her, to which Winter replies, “What are you doing? My life doesn’t matter!”

Sometimes I wonder if Rooster Teeth bothers to think about the dialogue they put in characters’ mouths. I mean seriously? Winter is not stupid. Nor is she so hard that---as the episode hammers home---she wouldn’t experience fear. So:

Anyone is going to be happy about being caught from a 100% deadly fall. In a situation like this survival instinct trumps responsibility. Even if it didn’t “responsibility” doesn’t make any sense here because:

They’re not giving up on the Maiden. Penny isn’t making a decision here that requires forever and always choosing Winter over Fria. They’re gonna turn right around and continue the fight

Seriously, it takes a few seconds to catch her. This isn’t that big a deal

The fight thus far has clearly proven that they need all the help they can get. Penny can’t take Cinder on her own and indeed, even with her aura broken Winter manages to be incalculably helpful

Fria still has her powers, which she’s about to demonstrate. Does Winter really not realize that Fria is still pretty capable of defending herself?

In short, this line is stupid. More than just stupid it’s twisting a character to get them to fit with the volume’s badly imposed theme. Oh look Winter cares sooooo much about her orders that she would needlessly die for them. Penny must teach her the value of her own life and how “blindly” obeying Ironwood is a big, bad thing. Come on. Lines like these---Harriet claiming the Ace Ops aren’t friends even though they clearly are, Qrow blaming Ironwood for Clover’s death when he’s not even there, Yang sniping at Elm about how she can’t think for herself---only serve to say Protagonists Good; Ironwood Bad. Rooster Teeth really loves to introduce justified and sympathetic characters, only to have other characters go OOC to backtrack on that verbally. Ignore what you’ve seen and just believe the nonsense words that never would have come out of this character’s mouth otherwise. And yes, that includes Yang and her comment to Elm. She is by far the most loyal character, considering that she’s canonically done things she did not want (following Ozpin) purely because Ruby was doing it. If the story had any sense embedded in it Yang would be the one who understood where the Ace Ops were coming from in their devotion to Ironwood, or at the very least the narrative would call her out on her hypocricy. As it is, the story functions around the “fact” that following Ruby is just intrinsically good. No matter what Ruby herself might do and how it does or does not compare to others’ actions. She’s the hero, always. In the same way, having Winter spout such a nonsense line works only to say, “See? Following Ironwood destroys all your self-wroth. Following Ruby? Like Penny does? You learn the value of friendship!” Never-mind that the first thing Ironwood does this episode is congratulate and apologize to Winter when he thinks he’s coming down into the vault...

Enjoyable pieces aside, I’m obviously still salty, but we’ll get to Ironwood in a minute. For now, Oscar is seriously dragging behind JNR and manages to get separated. He’s hidden from the guards by “Nora” who is, obviously Neo. Within the span of a second she’s gotten the relic and will keep it until she hands it over to Cinder.

Congratulations, team! Not only did you allow Ironwood to harm Mantle for weeks on end when you knew his plan was doomed to fail, you’ve also lost the relic you came to secure in the first place, thoroughly betrayed the one powerful ally you had in this war (just like you did Ozpin), have destroyed any hope of escape as---surprise!---Salem actually showed up, and you took out the one elite team who might have helped you fight her. Oh, and Qrow, you got arrested in the end anyway so congrats on getting your friend killed along the way. Seriously, how does anyone---how does the narrative---insist that these people are heroes? At this point this is a story about fallen heroes, but rather than emphasizing precisely how badly the group has screwed up the last two volumes and taking them on a journey back from the brink, they’re still being painted in a perfect light.

So... yeah. Relic is gone. Which we all saw coming the second Ruby happily agreed to keep holding onto it, then got protective when Ironwood mentioned taking it back. Loyalty aside, you cannot possibly think the relic is safer on your or Oscar’s belt than it is in a freaking magical vault. The group should be denied the title of “heroes” for their stupidity and arrogance alone. Especially when they never bothered to tell Ironwood that there was still a question left. That might have changed his mind about letting them carry it around. 

Thus, relic in hand, Neo makes easy work of the rest of the team. Most notably by keeping Nora’s face and giving Ren sad eyes when he tries to strike her. This is a really good moment of visual storytelling and more how RWBY should be using their fights to do double-duty and develop characterization. Neo’s trick not only demonstrates her cruel skills, but tells us precisely how deeply Ren cares for Nora. Even knowing that’s not her he hesitates. Then, obviously, we’ve got the tears as the team runs off. So obviously things are still eating at him and their relationship is a big part of that... which just makes me all the more frustrated that the story passed over his fears at the party. I really don’t care how eager everyone (myself included) was to finally get a renora kiss. We never should have seen Nora ignoring those problems and insisting on moving the relationship forward in a way he clearly wasn’t ready for yet. Ren’s words told us that, as does his grief now. Everyone was wondering if ignoring his anxiety would come to a head in the form of Ren siding with Ironwood, but we didn’t get the chance to find that out this volume. Which, I get it. RWBY doesn’t have a lot of time, but that’s precisely the problem. Tiny tid-bits are dropped and then ignored for weeks, if not years on end. That moment between Ren and Neo was excellently crafted and told us a lot about both, but ultimately it’s just another moment cast adrift from everything else. Who knows if this plot-line will actually continue in Volume 8’s premier, if at all.

So Neo wanders off in an Atlas disguise and hands the relic off to Cinder. What’s Cinder going to do with the relic precisely? Not sure. Gonna have to wait on that one. We do have some decent setup for Neo’s betrayal though. She not only looked pissed at Cinder just snatching the prize, but sad about it too. Neo has always been driven by her own, messed up love, notably for Roman. Now that he’s gone it seems like she was looking for someone else to latch onto. Now that Cinder has proven that Neo is only a tool to her, she’d better watch her back.

Returning to Fria. She, as said, still has a lot of kick in her and easily pushes Cinder back. “That’s the power of a fully realized Maiden,” Winter says as crazy power shoots into the sky. Again, good setup... if I believed RWBY was capable of following up on anything. Remember at the beginning of the volume when Harriet dropped setup on Ruby’s semblance? Yeah, nothing came of that either. And though it still might, again, when? I know I use this example a lot, but you can’t introduce Raven speaking with Tai, drop that for three years (or longer), and then pick it back up like that’s still a relevant thread to follow. By having Winter proclaim that this is a “fully realized” power we imply that others, such as Cinder, may be able to become more powerful as well, but there’s little faith on the viewer’s part that such a line will actually amount to anything. Or if it does, it will happen so far in the future that most viewers will have forgotten about it.

For now though Fria is super-duper powerful. Cinder and Winter can’t even get near her. So it’s up to Penny, the one person not made of flesh and blood, to get the job done. I like that. Great use of difference as a strength. So she dives in and gets Fria to calm down, reigning her power back in. They discuss transferring the power and when Penny tries to remind her of the consequences we get, “I’ll be gone. I know I have a hard time remembering, but I remember that.” Hey. Hey, hey. I want the entire fandom to pay attention to this line because a lot of you still have a tendency to erase agency so as to more easily pin the blame on characters you don’t like. Pyrrha didn’t choose to fight Cinder against Ozpin’s orders, Ozpin killed her! Qrow didn’t choose to fight Clover and team up with Tyrian, Ironwood killed Clover! The Ace Ops didn’t choose to be loyal and maintain the responsibility they swore as military huntsmen, Ironwood just brainwashed them into being obedient puppets! Here, we get another glorious reminder that yes, these characters can actually think and act for themselves. Even the characters with dementia. Asking someone to do the hard thing (Pyrrha) is not in any way comparable to making them. It’s crystal clear from Fria’s line here that Ironwood spoke to her about the situation. He, like Ozpin, was upfront about the consequences. She in turn decided to accept this duty. Yes, I know I’ll die. I’ve accepted that. I have a job to do and I intend to complete it.

So yeah, #stop-taking-away-one-character’s-agency-just-because-you-don’t-like-another-2020.

Penny is thus faced with a glaring responsibility of her own: will she take on the Maiden powers? Because Fria may remember her job, but not who else was supposed to complete the job with her. Was it you? Penny, meanwhile, is looking at all that ice and wondering if Winter can even get here in time. It may well only be her... unless they want it to be Cinder.

As she thinks through this decision we return to JNR. Ren has a brief freak-out about how “We weren’t ready to become huntsmen” but instead of a truthful statement about their maturity and skill levels, the story twists it into a false statement by having Ren start yelling at Nora and placing unnecessary blame. We’re not supposed to believe him here because he’s irrational and lashing out... even though I think “We weren’t ready to become huntsmen” is a 100% truthful statement. The last two volumes have proven to me, if no one else, that having a job with that much power and responsibility isn’t just about whether you can swing your scythe really well. It’s about having the emotional fortitude and, as said, majority to treat it as a job and put that responsibility ahead of your own desires. RWBYJNR has consistently demonstrated that they’re unwilling to do that. It’s their way or the highway, damn promises, responsibility, loyalty, or consequences.

Before things can really break in the group though more soldiers show up and as they’re hiding behind Jaune’s shield he realizes that Oscar is missing. Over the comms Oscar says that he has something he needs to do alone, heading for the vault. I really appreciate this moment because Oscar is the one person in this group who has actually extended some of the unity and sympathy that RWBYJNR keeps yelling that everyone needs to give to them first. He apologizes to Ironwood whereas Yang sticks her nose in the air and insists she did nothing wrong. He approaches Ironwood and asks to find a way forward together while Ruby yells that Harriet has to do what she wants or no, I won’t stop attacking you. We get that moment where Ironwood thinks it’s Winter descending and goes, “I know that must have been hard for you. I’m so sorry,” demonstrating his own care and compassion. We see Oscar embodying Ozpin in his folded hands, use of the cane, and harder eyes, despite the fact that it’s still him in control. 

He has a piece of that maturity the rest of his team lacks. He’s open, Ironwood is open, they’re poised to do what the others around them can’t...

Too bad it all goes to total shit.

You know, I feel like I should be more mad about this but at this point I’m just kind of numb. Why in the world would I be surprised that Rooster Teeth would erase all the work above to turn Ironwood into a generic villain? They did it before, or did I suddenly forget the twenty-minutes that humanized Ozpin only to be followed with two volumes of bashing him non-stop? I knew Ironwood was going to get screwed, I just didn’t think they’d go so far as to do it like this. And shame on me because I should have.

There are times when things happen on screen... but by god it isn’t canon. Because it’s just too stupid to be canon. It’s so horrifically out of character that the only explanation is that this is an impersonator and the writers just forgot to tell us that along the way. Because James Ironwood would never kill a child. Or hell, maybe he would, but it would have to be under RADICALLY different circumstances from these. People realize right that this is so beyond out of character as to be laughable, right? We get:

A man who has devoted himself to fighting the biggest evil his world has ever seen

Learning the importance of care over brute strength, adopting Ozpin’s lessons by giving Mantle Penny

Has spent the last year trying desperately to keep all his people safe, making the hard calls in order to achieve that

Was beyond delighted when the group first appeared, kneeling down before Oscar and hugging Qrow

Has frequently asked after Ozpin throughout the volume, demonstrating a strong desire for him to return

Immediately forgave the group even after learning about Salem’s immortality, still pushing forward with them

Just sacrificed his arm in an effort to continue protecting those around him

Finally realized he didn’t have allies in this team and called only for their arrest, not any violence or mistreatment

Hired the Ace Ops, a group whose conflict was their need to perform that arrest pushing against their desire not to hurt anyone

Ironwood just began the scene by extending sympathy and apologies to another

And you’re going to tell me that this man, this man defined by his compassion and desperate need to protect others... is going to shoot the 14yo kid housing one of his oldest friends? Shoot to kill?

Because make no mistake, that was a killing shot. Ironwood knew Oscar was at the edge. Even if it hadn’t broken Oscar’s aura, that fall isn’t anything you can survive without Humanity 1.0 magic---magic Ironwood clearly wasn’t counting on to save him. They literally took this man and erased EVERYTHING that made him-him, deciding that randomly Ironwood kills kids now because he dislikes a conversation. Kills Ozpin too. It makes zero sense... but you know all precisely why they did it. Because Ironwood is the villain now. He dared disagree with Team RWBY and now that he’s an antagonist they had to make sure he did something he couldn’t come back from. You don’t try to kill the youngest of the group and then come back into the fold. Ironwood is finished. He’s either going to die next volume or the group is going to lock him behind bars as a “witty” parallel of him trying to arrest them, dropping a one-liner about how they’re sorry it came to this.

Which, obviously, I absolutely despise. The rest of the episode? Had a lot going for it. Cool and interesting developments that might have been great if not attached to the horror show of the last twenty-five episodes... but still cool and interesting nonetheless. This? This is the worst thing RWBY has done to date because they not only irrevocably messed up one of their best characters, but they did so in a way that highlights everything that has been wrong with the show the last two years. There was no buildup to this. None. Don’t @ me with “But Ironwood is unstable and the Tin Man has no heart.” No and also no. Rooster Teeth simply decided that they wanted him as a villain and made that happen in the span of a few seconds. It’s just as absurd and insulting as if, last volume while angry at Qrow, Ruby had picked up her scythe and cut through Weiss as a form of anger management. Ironwood aiming to kill the kid he’s been bonding with all volume and Ozpin to boot because they’re having a slightly heated conversation is insane. 

Which isn’t to say that conversation itself helped matters. Because Ironwood remains right. Those are all pretty, philosophical questions, Oscar, but what are we going to do about our situation? Oscar might express more sympathy then Team RWBY, but he’s just as naive and dangerously stubborn. He doesn’t have a plan either, just a continuing insistence that they try. In fact, his arguments are really... nonsensical in places? He says that if Ironwood abandons Mantle they’ll lose hope of uniting the whole world, even though we’ve never established why that’s still a goal when a world-wide army can’t defeat Salem. He likewise makes the absurd claim that because Ironwood is thinking about the big picture “Then you’re as dangerous as she is, James.”

No??

If RWBY is going to incorporate philosophy and moral conundrums into their writing then they actually need to do the work to think them through. Because sorry but the man making a currently still necessary sacrifice in order to keep the world as a whole safe is not the same thing as the genocidal grimm queen hell-bent on destroying it. Again, do they think about the words they’re putting into the characters’ mouths? The worst is how many viewers just eat it up. Because Good Boy Oscar said something vaguely wise-sounding then it must be true...never-mind the absurdity of the statement itself. I love Oscar to bits, just not when the writing uses him as a prop to promote these absurd themes. Not to keep dragging Witcher into every possible part of my life, but it immediately reminded me of this quote from Geralt. “You wizards are all the same...

Just because Oscar says it with confidence doesn’t mean it makes any sense.

Which is where we end up. Oscar falling, Ozpin arriving, the two of them managing to survive the fall. I have to admit that at this point Ozpin’s return just felt damn underwhelming to me. Like yes, of course I’m thrilled he’s back, but watching them mangle James like that just kicked all the enjoyment out of the rest of the episode. That, combined with the fact that Ozpin’s return actually was pretty lackluster. I mean, I feel like a shit for complaining about the thing I’ve wanted since the beginning of Volume 6... but is that really all we get? Ozpin doesn’t save him, Oscar saves them both, because he apparently has complete access to the magic and memories now. What does Ozpin matter then? Ozpin doesn’t speak really, just says Oscar’s name and is then cut off because Oscar doesn’t want to hear anything he has to say unless it’s about saving Atlas. He does express something like gratitude though--- “You’re back, aren’t you? You saved me”---so that’s more than we’ve gotten from anyone else. And Ozpin does narrate... but who is that to? Obviously very reminiscent of our series’ premier, but is he speaking to Salem again? We’re not told---or shown---and as it is that monologue exists purely for the audience. It’s a speech we could have gotten from any character and just happened to get it from Ozpin. It’s not being spoken to Oscar and therefore not forwarding any of the relationships that still need to be mended. In fact, this could well be a speech Ozpin gave years ago, disconnected from who he is now. Perhaps the biggest issue is that the speech is all about fear, further hammering home the finale’s BS stance that Ironwood being afraid of actual, legitimate threats made him into an unhinged child-killer.

Because his “paranoia”? It’s about this. This is what Ironwood was afraid of.

And oh look it’s here.

So yeah... I just can’t fall in love with this moment as I feel I should. RWBY has burned me too many times lately---the last time seconds before this scene---and frankly now that Ozpin is back I don’t trust them to treat his character well. So his return is automatically laced with more worry than excitement to see what comes next. Because if they do this to Ironwood, somehow who has done nothing but try to help this whole volume, what the hell are they going to do to Ozpin, someone who actually lied to and kept secrets from the precious team? I want him back, but not while we’ve got these themes going. I’m legit worried about how the group will react to his return and what the narrative is going to make Ozpin do as penance for his supposed sins. I’m not really thrilled about the prospect of watching more assault that’s painted as heroic justice. Normally I’d be going, “Well you never know, RWBY could prove me wrong...” except that after Ironwood? I really don’t think it will. Because Ozpin may ask, “Will you forgive them? Will you understand why they felt the need to do the things they did?” but it’s “staring back at you is the very thing you should have feared from the start” is what we get when Ironwood is shown again when he’s told Winter doesn’t have the power, he can’t open the vault, and he has no way of escaping this army. Rather than painting this as a tragedy that’s on our “heroes,” Ironwood is just made to look deranged. The story doesn’t encourage us to forgive him, no matter Ozpin’s words. 

The scne was pretty though! lol. Stunningly gorgeous, really. If I just turn my brain off and don’t think about everything surrounding Oscar falling while Ozpin re-joins him, it’s an absolutely fantastic scene...

Yeah, the rest of the episode is mostly things I’ve already covered. Maria picks everyone up in their “getaway ship” because her character apparently only exists now to provide comic relief in the form of illegal actions. 

Penny takes on the Maiden powers while Winter holds Cinder off with no aura. That was badass as hell.  Go Winter, you’re still one of my faves this volume.

Ruby conveniently uses her silver eyes even though they’ve failed twice in the last three to four episodes. 

Qrow is arrested and holds onto Clover’s blood-stained badge. 

Robyn is apparently just fine. 

Watts is potentially getting freed by Tyrian, or else was just distracted by the arrival of Salem, I honestly wasn’t sure. 

The only other thing of consequence is that Winter and Weiss acknowledge that they’re on different paths. They can’t support one another in who they’re loyal to, but Winter will still give her sister a head start.

Oh, that moment and this, of course.

I’ve already spoken about my very iffy feelings about introducing Salem as an actual enemy before the final volume and those feelings are compounded by this absurd denouncement of hard, practical choices. I mean... seriously. What is the group going to do at the start of next volume? “These readings can’t be right,” an Atlas soldier says, horrified at the number of grimm that are appearing around them from an ominous red cloud. That entire army we saw at the end of Volume 6. Plus a giant whale grimm that could easily swallow any of our heroes (Pinocchio reference, anyone?), plus the immortal sorceress who could do any number of things to obliterate you---and take all the time in the world to do it. Like... they’re screwed. They are dead and Ironwood was 100% right to try and take whoever he could to safety and regroup. Except that obviously the series doesn’t end in tragedy here so they’ll wiggle their way out of things somehow. It just won’t be satisfying. Because we absolutely have a hopeless situation here and the story hasn’t allowed the group to acknowledge and then try to circumvent that in any practical manner. Ruby’s silver eyes will inexplicably get crazy powerful. Or Salem will randomly decide to leave. Or they’ll discover some new and untapped skill through the power of friendship. Then, at the end of it all, we’ll be told to look back at Ironwood and call him crazy for trying to save lives with a realistic approach because see? We managed a miracle after all.

I can’t believe I’m going to watch that nonsense. But I will. Because RWBY was a show that I loved and some small part of me still hopes it’ll return to what it once was. At the very least I need to find out what happens to these characters---no matter how stupid and insulting---and this episode, despite all my expectations, did give me tiny glimmers into what RWBY used to be. Moments that were fun or badass or legitimately touching. I almost wish it wouldn’t, just so I could make a clean break with the show. Absolute trash is better than trash that demonstrates skill just enough to make you think there might be hope for a better written story the next time around. Ah well. At least writing the recaps is always fun!

So I’ll still be here, answering asks and chucking out nonsense. Feel free to come join me if you’re ever inclined.  

Until next volume 💜

[darkestwolfx]

A Seed Once Sown

This is a lot of works for one evening, but hey, I think we all need it. Please remember to take a look at my update post (from earlier today). Anyhow, back onto the subject.

So this is for ‘irrelief’, an incredible idea from @gumnut-logic - go and put up some prompts and/or answer others everyone! And this work is in response to a prompt from @tsarinatorment for:

Ned (and Gladys) doing gardening on Tracy Island

I'm honestly not quite sure what this is, you're prompt just inspired me and I seriously hope this lives up to what you wanted. I'm not quite sure how it ended up like this and I don't think its as fluffy as I intended it to be, but it is bright! (It kept expanding beyond my control, a little like that growth serum did with Gladys, so forgive me)

The title comes from this quote which I thought summed up Gladys (and Ned): "The love of gardening is a seed once sown that never dies" - Gertrude Jekyll

--------

Summary: Believe it or not, they did have a garden on Tracy Island. It looked a little like a… tip. And that was being kind.

Words: 4730

Spoilers: References to all Ned Tedford episodes.

---------

"John?"

"No. Alan, no. EOS is not going to help you."

"Ah, come on!"

"I'm not you helping either."

"John, that's mean." The youngest whined.

"No it's not."

The blonde pouted. It definitely was. All he was asking for was another pair of hands, or a pointer in the right direction. It wasn't like he was trying to wrangle someone else into doing the whole job for him… although, he so was.

"What's not mean?"

"Gordon, John won't help me!"

There was an unspoken rule that younger brothers had to stick together. Gordon pulled a shocked expression onto his features within seconds.

"Hey Johnny, that's a little mean!"

"Hey, only a little, Gordon?"

"He's only told you half the story."

"Big brothers are meant to help you!"

There was an unspoken rule about that.

"What do you need help with?"

And what perfect timing they could have, big brothers.

"Virgil! John won't help me!"

"Again, he's only telling you half the story."

"What do you need help with Alan?"

"Grandma's assigned me to gardening duty this time."

"Oh..."

"Told you."

"Yeah, Alan, even I'm not helping you."

"Why not?" The youngest almost screamed, nearly tearing his hair out now. He would swap cleaning the oven for this. And there was the code of unspoken brotherly rules too – which was being ignored!

"Because our garden is like a small jungle."

"Is a small jungle." John corrected.

"And a patch of lawn." Virgil added.

"Oh… is a small jungle, and a patch of lawn." Gordon finally summed up. "Anything else?"

"I'll swap."

"I'm good."

"No, you're ok."

"Come on guys, I hate gardening!"

"Hey," Virgil began, settling on the sofa, "We've all tried it. It's a big job."

"And none of us are overly good at it." John pointed out.

"We should stick to rescuing people." Gordon agreed.

"Then why is gardening still on the rota?"

"Because Grandma refuses to believe we can't have a managed an orderly garden."

"Well maybe we can't." Alan sighed, dropping down beside Gordon, who protested at having his feet nearly sat on. John shook his head, happy that he was safe up in Five, away from all this. It was one thing to be a part of the bickering, but another to physically be there. This was close enough for him, thank you.

"What can't we do?" Scott asked, heading up from finishing his cleaning job for the month. A weekly rota had just ended up being too short a turnaround. MAX did the little things now, and they did the bigger things. MAX rather liked cleaning after all.

"Fix the garden."

"Oh… who..?"

"Alan." Three voices answered jointly as the youngest's head hung low.

"We've all tried, Alan. It's a tricky job, but someone's got to be able to do it, sooner or later."

"Just not you, ey Scott."

"Gordon, I paid you for your silence."

"Eh… you can pay me more."

"What?"

But that was already enough for Alan, and Scott incredulousness at the prankster's nonchalant wave was still stuck upon his face – too much so to interrupt.

"What did Scott do?"

"It's more like what Scott didn't do."

"Gordon."

"Hang on, I don't think I know this story." Virgil piqued up, blinking, curious.

"Oh, you don't! So, you know the year the garden died, magically."

"Yeah?"

"Not really… oh! Was that the year all the flowers were all…"

"Wilted and like little sticks… yeah. That was Scott."

"What?"

"Yeah, family's very own plant murderer."

"Gordon, I think you'll need to give Scott his money back." John reasoned. His green eyes had been watching the storm clouds settle over his elder brother's face.

"No way. I don't do refunds!"

Virgil and Alan chuckled. Gordon smiled, chucking his arms behind his head, kicking his feet into Alan, who stopped chuckling to whack at his direct elder brother.

"Hey! Feet!"

"Well, it's not my fault if anyone loses a limb! EOS and I are going to do some maintenance. Speak to you later."

"Oh ok- But I thought John did all of Five's monthly maintenance?" Alan asked, confused. Virgil shrugged before his bones stilled and his eyes widened. "What?"

"Gordon…"

"Shh, Virge, I'm trying to dose here."

"Gordon."

"What Scott?"

"You are so dead."

Gordon cracked one eye open. Then the other. It wasn't hard to notice that the eldest was angry.

"Would it give me any more chances to live if I offer you a partial refund?"

Virgil let his head fall into his hands.

"Ur, Gordon..?"

"Yeah Alan, I know. Commencing running!"

"Run fast!"

Honestly, it was hard to say if their fish out of water had ever moved faster across the space of the living room.

Only problem being, Scott could move pretty fast too.

The sounds of scrabbling and footsteps lasted for a moment before silence covered the lounge, as though you wouldn't know a potential murder case was about to turn up on their doorstep.

"We should probably help him."

"Yeah, probably should."

"Odds on Scott!"

"No way, Virge, Gordon all the way!"

--------- 

Tracy Island probably – or would (soon) probably – look like a bomb had hit it.

But up here, in Thunderbird Five, the Earth was still turning peacefully, time ticking by without a fear in the world. No sign of any bombs, or explosions, nothing of the sort. It was exactly why he'd left the conversation when he did. It left him completely out of the situation.

"John?"

"Yes EOS?"

"Is this garden – jungle and lawn – of yours, really that much of a problem?"

"Yes, and I have a headache just thinking about it."

"Well I have no reports of murder coming through yet."

"Good."

He wasn't really prepared to deal with that today, regardless of whether it was family who were the culprits.

"I'm putting my money on Scott."

"EOS you have no money."

"Oh… I'm putting my processors on Sc-"

"Don't. EOS please, don't finish that sentence."

"Okay."

John allowed himself the chance to exhale whilst it was there.

"John?"

"Yes EOS?"

"If this garden – lawn, jungle – is so much of a problem, why not have someone else fix it?"

"What are you suggesting EOS?"

"That you get a garden."

"EOS, we have a garden." It dawned on him just moments later, "Oh you mean a gardener."

"Yes! There must be plenty of those."

"Yeah, but EOS, who can get to come and work for us?"

"Um…"

"See. There's no one-"

"That is the GDF line. Colonel Casey's private line to be exact."

"Go on EOS. Colonel Casey, how can we help?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing which requires International Rescue." That was something of a relief. "It was more of a question."

"Go on, we're all ears."

"Is there any job in the world Tedford can do?"

"Tedford? As in Ned?"

"Yes. I'm afraid I've had just about enough of his name appearing in my reports."

"Why, what's he done now?"

"He's grown a plant."

"Gladys."

"Yes."

"And that's a bad thing, because..?"

"Because I need soldiers, agents, not gardeners."

"Yeah… I'm sorry Virgil put him your way."

"Well, I suppose we nearly had a job which suited him with the serum, but even then… I just wanted to run this past you. I was thinking of asking him to move on and find a job more suited to his talents."

"His talents of needing to call us?"

"Hopefully not."

"I don't know what job you're going to put him in that won't mean we need to watch him twenty-four se-" It struck him then. It should have clicked with him much, much sooner. "Hang on, what did you say about gardening?"

"Sorry?"

"Ned Tedford and gardening?"

"He used to be a gardener apparently. Didn't you know that?"

"No, I didn't."

"Are you thinking what I think you're thinking, John?"

"Yes, I am, EOS. Colonel Casey, I have a job for Ned. We'll take him off your hands."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want you to be running after him just because he's no longer under our supervision."

"Don't worry, I think he'll have the perfect supervisor."

"Oh, well I'm glad I called."

"So am I."

"So am I, John."

"Why's that EOS?"

"Apparently Scott thinks his nose is broken."

John felt his shoulders drop.

You have got to be kidding me.

He wasn't paid enough to deal with his brothers sometimes, and that is why right now he was very glad to be all the way up here.

"So much for putting a bet on Scott."

"You refused to let me do that."

"That's why EOS. Gambling. Waste of time."

"I see. I've stored that instruction. John?"

"Yes EOS?"

"Scott thinks his nose is broken-"

"Yes, you said, he'll be panicking."

"And apparently Gordon has broken his foot."

John felt his shoulders hit the gravity ring.

Metaphorically, of course.

You have got to be kidding me.

He wasn't paid enough to deal with his brothers sometimes, and that is why right now he was very glad to be all the way up here.

---------

Gordon's broken foot was actually… drum roll please, nothing more than a little jellyfish sting.

For once, Scott's broken nose was actually – problematically, for Gordon at least - a broken bone. A very well reset bone by Brains and you could hardly tell. Except for the waves of animosity still rolling between the two brothers.

Despite being told he was fine, Gordon was still claiming to have broken a toe… or two.

Alan was still at the point of finding it all very amusing. Virgil was offering to come up and take a shift on Five, which John knew – as he rightfully should – was something almost unheard of. Virgil liked to be around on Earth in case Two was needed, so that set the president for what life was currently like on the Island.

John was extremely glad he'd just finished a very, very important phone call.

EOS had suggested that 'high five' because Gordon said it was cool.

John promptly pointed out that she had no hands with which to perform said high five.

"I could use the mooring claw?"

"No, EOS, no."

"Okay John."

He sighed, and decided on his next day off – because somehow the world had managed to not require their services today – he was going to devise a way to allow EOS the luxury of a high five.

Before anyone got torn to pieces.

--------- 

It was a week later and John had yet to have another day off. The world had found great need for International Rescue. But tonight, he was hoping to have some time to spend on the Island. After all, today was the first day.

"I never want to see a coal mine ever again."

"I never want to see coal ever again."

"Alan, that's essentially the same thing."

"Well, I wasn't really needed."

"Yeah alright, Gordon."

"Scott only made me come because he's still grumpy."

"Brains said there was the possibly of underwater sinkholes."

"Weren't any." Gordon sing-songed.

"Yeah, that's what chance can mean!"

"So you dragged me out for nothing-"

"I didn't know that!"

"With my skill broken toes!"

"You didn't break your toes, Gordon."

"I did too, Virge."

"Brains has an x-ray though."

"Alan ssh."

"Is it always arguments?"

"John!"

"You managed to get away?"

"EOS is in charge."

"That gives me shivers!" Gordon proclaimed, his feelings about the AI and their… back-and-forth, let's say, relationship still most well-known.

"I think she's alright."

"You would, Virge. You've never been face to face with her."

"Are you sure it's not more about the fa-"

"Alan!"

"Sorry."

What had fully transpired that day wasn't spoken of outside the blonde pair, although Gordon had a feeling that John knew, purely from EOS' side of the tale. Scott and Virgil, it had been decided by the prankster, didn't need to know.

"Where's Grandma?"

"Where she usually is at this time of day." Scott began, a little unsure. "Kitchen, John."

"Thank you."

The red-haired Tracy's was gone within moments of his arrival, leaving four confused brothers in his wake.

"Why does he Grandma?"

"Do you think he's going to poison us?"

"Gordon if that was the aim, Grandma's food would have already done that."

"I heard that young man!"

"Ooops."

"Scott you're dead."

"Grandma might poison you at this rate."

Silence fell through the house.

"Come on!" Scott yelled. "Why wasn't she listening then?"

"Because I am her favourite grandson."

"No, you're not Gordon."

"Hey, how do you know!"

"Because it's me. I always tell everyone that Grandma's right."

"That does not make you the favourite."

"I wonder what's for dinner." Alan mused, not involving himself in the bickering – for once.

"I just hope we get to eat dinner." Scott grumbled. He really had had just about enough with today.

"If it's lasagne then I agree."

"If it's meatloaf surprise do you think EOS will save us."

"Traitorous AI will save you lot and not me, I bet."

"We might not even need saving." Virgil reasoned, calmest of the brother's for now. "Alan, how are you getting on with the garden?"

"Don't bring it up. We just need to face that our garden is a jungle anyway and isn't recoverable."

"Grandma really wants a garden."

"Well she can't have one."

"That's not fair, Alan!"

"You fix the garden then, Scott!"

"You know I can't."

"Dinner's ready!"

There was no verbal acknowledgment between the brothers, but it was decidedly a good thing that such interruption had come when it did.

Heading down from the lounge, the four brothers rounded on the table, desperate to know what tonight's offering was and whether they would be able to shovel it down before they had to go running off again. Yet the first thing to reach their notice was the lack of food served up on the table. The second, was that there were seven placemats.

That wasn't necessarily an odd thing, except that Kayo was 'dining out' (meaning spying) with Lady Penelope tonight, and Brains always visited Moffy on the second Tuesday of the month. So, even with John visiting for the evening, it should have just been the six of them.

Now it was a matter of how to bring that up. The four brothers glanced between each other, silently communicating as to who the responsibility fell to. It was Virgil who the eyes remained on, to which the middle child made a face. Gordon shrugged before adding, "you're the favourite" to the previously non-verbal discussion, and that was the argument over.

Virgil cursed mentally and tried to think of some good wording.

"Umm, Grandma, you've laid a place too many, you know. It's Tuesday."

"I know what day it is, young man, and I have laid just the right number."

"But there's six of us."

"And our guest."

"Guest!"

"What guest?"

"I didn't know we had a guest…"

"In the garden, with John."

Once again, the four brothers looked to each other, eyes communicating what words would have if not. Quietly and together, they made their way outside, rounding towards the garden. It had taken many forms over the years. It bordered on the edges of the jungle, and unfortunately was sometimes a little battered by Thunderbird One's take offs. The garden had always been for Grandma's benefit really, and so it didn't surprise the boys that she wanted to fix it up, but the chances of doing that had always seemed slim to them.

Scott was somewhat useless, and he would admit that to himself and no one else (although Gordon had done that part for him). John and Virgil, whilst great with nature and perfectly at home with it, had both executed failed plans to revive the landscape. Probably because they had such little time. Gordon hadn't the right aptitude for gardening. He didn't mind the snails and slugs and worms that he found crawling around. They fascinated him. They also ate a good portion of the plants. Alan hadn't really tried. He'd spent ages looking at the garden when Grandma tasked him with it, but never once could he think of what he should do to try and revive it.

Honestly, the brothers weren't the ones under the illusion that it was achievable. And try did want to try their best to give Grandma what she wished for, but it proved trickier than any of them could manage, pilots and astronauts, rescuers and aquanauts as they were. They were the grand International Rescue, but couldn't garden to save their lives.

"John?"

"Over here, Scott."

"Scott? Which one's he?"

"Iridium vault."

"Ah yes. I threw something at him…"

"Sounds about right."

"Iridium vault? What?" Alan muttered as they navigated the bushes.

"Who is John talking to?"

As they round the path though, it became abundantly clear.

"Ned?"

"Oh, hello there."

"I thought you worked for the GDF… Ned?"

"I did. Colonel Casey has offered me a transfer."

"Hooray for you, Ned. John why's he here?"

"Manners, Gordon. Ned is our new gardener."

"What?"

"Well, we've proven none of us could do it. And he comes highly recommended."

"That I do. Gladys and I know all about gardening."

"Yay!" Gordon cheered, sarcastically, before whipping his head back round to John. "Seriously though, what is he doing here?"

"The gardening, Gordon."

"But… he's a hazard."

"All the more reason to have him here. He'll never need to call us. Was that Grandma saying dinner's ready?"

"Yes. Yes, it was." Scott replied, still watching Ned. He had a feeling he could be dreaming.

"Good, come on Ned."

"Oh, right you are, spaceman."

Picking up Gladys, the miner turned soldier turned- oh forget all that – the gardener followed behind the usually space bound Tracy.

"Oi, wait up!"

"Yeah, we want food!"

With Alan and Gordon quickly rushing off behind.

Scott was still a little… shell-shocked?

As he heard Virgil go to move, he grabbed his younger brother's arm.

"Can you do me a favour and pinch me."

"Pinch you?"

"Yes please."

"Scott, I don't think you-"

"Virgil just pinch me."

The resident heavy lifter shrugged, still not entirely sure this was a good idea, but hey, the eldest was asking for it. He sighed, preparing himself for what he was sure would come. He could see Scott's thinking, easily so, but… he didn't think he was going to get quite that lucky.

"Ok."

The resulting yell was enough to make Scott very, very certain that he wasn't dreaming.

Someone help him.

"I could p-"

He hadn't meant to say that aloud, dammit!

"No, Virgil, don't!"

Someone help him, but don't pinch him.

Somehow, John had just hired the Ned Tedford to be their gardener.

--------- 

A few weeks ago, Ned would never have imagined this.

He didn't know they had an island for once.

He knew most of the family by now really, sort of. Grandma Tracy – Sally, to him apparently - was also very nice to him. He'd offered to make the tea and that seemed to work as an ice breaker.

The boys – as Sally called them – were out on a rescue when he'd arrived, and Sally had shown him promptly to the garden.

Believe it or not, they did have a garden on Tracy Island. It looked a little like a… tip. And that was being kind.

"What's this?"

"The garden."

"You call this a garden? More like a tip of dead plants masquerading as one. Look at them weeping! And your soil is all dried out, and your grass is all…"

Sheared? Was that a fair descriptor, he wondered? It was probably worse than that, maybe shaved was better apt.

"It's not been very well attended to."

"I can see that, Sally. What exactly do you want me to do?"

"John said you were a gardener."

"I am, but I need to know what sort of garden you want."

"Oh, I think, well, maybe just some kind of garden to start with."

"Right you are Ma'am! I'll fix this place up for you."

And he had. He'd meant to stick to that. Even if he had promptly confided in Gladys that it was going to be a difficult job.

"Come on then, Gladys. Better get to work. We've got to spruce this up here, and this will have to go. We might be able to save those bushes over there if we give them a trim. What do you say, Gladys?"

He'd spent ages resurfacing and replanting and remodelling until there was something there which he could start working with.

He pulled up the weeds and replanted the plants that were salvageable in nice new soil, appropriately suited to their relevant requirements of sun or shade. He'd spent a long time sitting in the garden to watch exactly which paths the bright orb of light crossed for that very reason.

Soon even Gladys had a family with a temporary home in the rockery.

He didn't think he was doing a half bad job as he worked, humming to himself or talking to Gladys, mapping out the landscape and what plants he had left to work with, as well as making a list of those he might need to acquire.

Ned Tedford had a very good feeling about this garden.

Maybe he had been away from gardening for far too long.

The first night he agreed to let the family step foot into his work in progress, he felt rather proud to stand with them for once. He hadn't caused a problem or any trouble or put anyone in danger. He'd grown beautiful asters and chrysanthemums and an assortment of pansies. He'd tried to put a bit of colour into it in the first instance, and this was only the first instance. He'd been working on it for a week and a lot of that week had been spent learning and re-building.

But that first night he felt rather proud.

"We're looking at a garden."

"Well done, Scott- Oww! No need to elbow me."

"You broke my nose, remember, Gordon? I have every right."

Ned didn't remember, and he'd been an only child so he couldn't necessarily say he understood, but he was quite pleased with his initial success.

Maybe you should have stuck to gardening, Ned.

--------- 

"Now this, is the life!" Gordon proclaimed merrily, leaning back beneath the sun.

"I might actually get a decent tan this year." Alan agreed.

Virgil was a little (meaning a lot) more interested in placing the blocks they had chosen to outline the pool. Scott was 'supervising' which John had translated to 'watching', not that the eldest had agreed with that definition, so John dropped the subject. Virgil had smiled, aware that Scott was definitely 'supervising'.

Grandma at least was very happy with her new garden.

It had taken a month of hard work, but they now had something resembling plants and shrubbery. They had birds frequenting the garden as a break from their dense jungle home and they even had an assortment of ladybirds and butterflies. It was all rather remarkable. It made for a lovely view and a great place to sit.

And the best part?

They'd currently been lucky with two days to do exactly that, and the streak of invisible rescue calls was continuing still.

There had been some argument about whether they had a round pond (John, Alan and Grandma) or a square pond (Scott and Virgil) or a diamond shaped pond (Gordon, of course that one was Gordon). But eventually a decision had been made and Virgil was now helping build the foundations for Ned – who apparently knew all about how to encourage pond life for them.

Scott had been reluctant to admit it, but the man was a good gardener.

So good that now the garden had been recovered, he had little to do but maintain it, at least until the pond was built. It did mean of course that the usual troublemaker had hours on his hands sometimes.

John had been right (again) though; Ned was far less trouble where they could see him.

Damn him always being right.

"Battenburg?"

"Oh, thank you Ned."

"You're welcome."

"Anyone else? Biscuits? Tea?"

"I'll have a custard cream. Thanks Ned."

"Coffee?"

"Thank you."

Scott took the proffered mug with glee.

This… Gordon was right, this was the good life.

Until Virgil had the pond built, Ned had relatively little to do. The man was a hard worker though, maybe more so than International Rescue had ever been able to realise when they were trialing after him to rescue him all those times.

When he wasn't working on the garden, or sleeping, or tending to 'Gladys' corner' (a deal they'd written into his contract), he was serving them tea, cake and biscuits. It was like having Parker here! Maybe with a little less training or efficiency, but it was still pretty good.

The call sign rang.

They'd needed to fit one in the garden actually…

There was always a rush in the past to get up and answer it, but now their worries also seemed to be lessened.

Ned was there.

God it was like having a butler.

"Hello? International Gardening Service. Ned speaking."

Scott's brows knitted together.

When he glanced at John he saw a near mirror image.

Even Virgil had glanced over his shoulder at them.

Only Gordon and Alan seemed to be undisturbed upon their sun loungers.

"What did he just say?

"I think I best check whose calling."

"Might be worth it, John."

"Oh hello Colonel Casey!"

John promptly sat himself back down. He hadn't even managed to take a step.

"Well we know who it is."

"I guess I better go see what's needed."

"Might be an idea, Scott."

"Oh, yes, Scott's here. I'll take you to him. Scott!"

Scott sighed and sat himself back down.

"I'm just going to…"

"Yeah, just sit there."

"Probably for the best."

"Here we go, Colonel. I'll pass you over to International Rescue now."

"Thank you, Tedford."

"Always a pleasure! International Gardening Services out." Ned passed Scott back his communicator before glancing round. "Where did I put my tea tray, Gladys? Oh, back in the kitchen!"

And with that the man was disappearing to retrieve his selection of hot drinks and sweet treats.

"Hello, Colonel Casey. What can we do for you?"

"Oh, I just wanted to see how your new recruit was settling in."

"He's a… a hard worker."

"Yes."

"He fetches us cake."

John added.

"And tea."

Virgil contributed.

"Oh, well, as long as he's doing well."

"Yes, yes, he and Gladys have settled in nicely to International Gardening Services."

The boys could see it in their God-Mother's frown.

"Don't worry," John placated, "We're not starting that as a new business."

"Yeah, but has anyone told Ned that?" Virgil asked, lowering another block into place. Scott and John looked towards each other a little ashen.

"I guess we're in the gardening business?"

---------

A year later and Ned had very little work to be doing. He'd gone back to running his own gardening business – thank goodness he'd decided to call it Ned Tedford Gardening Services, as opposed to the other available options – and so spent little time on the Island now.

Ned came back every fortnight for maintenance.

And whilst he was gone, Scott was banned from the garden unless supervised. Grandma was quite happy to have somewhere nice to sit and even Kayo and Brains seemed to frequent it. Hiring Ned as a gardener was (unspoken between them, of course) one of John's best ideas.

There was still a little rockery of Gladys descendants, and Gordon had taken the liberty of naming them, claiming he and Gladys had bonded in the time the geranium (which was now the front of Ned's business) had lived on the island.

They'd become Gordon's pride and joy. He'd even begun speaking to them, just like another they knew.

Luckily, Gordon usually saved these moments for when he believed he was alone.

It should probably, be unluckily though…

Luckily, for Scott, he'd been able to witness such a moment.

And had every intention to ask for his money back with renewed motivation for the swimmer.

They'd become Gordon's pride and joy, his little collection of named geraniums and as the money returned to Scott's hands, he promised to never say a word about the little family.

After all, they were a family of geraniums in their own right; there was Gloria, and Gillian, Giles and Gerry, and Ted.

[colorful-bees]

Welcome to Night Vale Episode 110: Matryoshka

(Guess what fuckers? I live. This would’ve been posted sooner but some idiot decided that they were going to break their headphones and wait an extra week to get this out even though the last time I posted one of these was a month ago and then I just decided that they wouldn’t listen to this even though they wanted to. What an idiot, right?)

Hello, Steve.

Steve, I can’t see your poster.

How would you spell that, Cecil? A weer of dragons? That’s correct, right?

So, like, no one in Night Vale ever heard Huntokar’s explanation for why Night Vale is the way it is?

Cecil, don’t sound so sad about your town being on fire and being torn apart at the seems of reality. Every town has its low point.

Why would you run from your reality? I understand that your town isn’t the greatest but.....

Looks like Francis found the reality where antiques are actually antiques and not horrific monsters.

Did Steve actually hear what Huntokar said? Good job, Steve!

Who else can see the arrows and lines?

Well, Leanne Hart throws hatchets at everyone.

There’s..... A man. In the sun. Makes sense.

Are you people finally going to acknowledge angels exist? Or like, are you just going to be dumb.

Me? I believe you? Yeah, I do. I do believe you.

I can’t see them. I’m literally not in the same room as you. So I can’t see the angels.

ANGELS SOUND LIKE FRENCH HORNS??????

Ah, fuck, I forgot about the Distant Prince was a thing.

“Evil corporate encampments” and “beagles” are just normal problems in Night Vale.

Shit bro, what is this background music? That is.... Unsettling.

Did Night Vale have to get this dark? I mean, it casually just got darker and darker, more unsettling.

Goodbye, sky! Goodbye, reality as we know it! Goodbye sleeping peacefully tonight!

Boy, what a fun time to be living in Night Vale right now! Must be fun for you guys, what with your entire reality being ripped to shreds.

Fuck your brother.

“The bomb” Wasn’t Night Vale supposed to be destroyed along with the rest of the world by a bomb?

Cecil... Does this mean you really think it is the end? Just... Its going to be all over? Well. You’re fucking WRONG because we still have 61 episodes to go after this episode and this podcast ain’t ending soon, so get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself and your town because you’re not dying today, bitch.

Buddy, Night Vale was already broken. Its just... Shattered at this point.

Oh. This is the first time Cecil himself has referred to himself as the “Voice of Night Vale”

Oh... Then.... Goodbye, I guess.

SIKE. You thought. I knew this episode wasn’t over, we hadn’t got to weather and Spotify is telling me we aren’t even halfway through.

Maybe I should count how many times the weather said the word “die”

Wow, Cecil. Stop being a fucking jerk to your step brother.

I don’t really know much about Cecil’s childhood except that his mom was a bit cookoo.

Cecil, but maybe there really are arrows in the sky.

Oh yeah, Cecil. Matryoshka dolls.

I guess its hard to figure out what doll we belong to.

Yes, we can now high five and acknowledge the angels.

Fuck yeah, part of the sky is back.

H I R A M?

That’s really strong of Hiram to forgive Night Vale for Violet’s murder.

I think after this... Night Vale will be a little better town.

Your sky will come back, little by little. It’ll come back.

Your right. Being watched by a secret organization isn’t normal. That doesn’t happen in normal places. Most towns aren’t run by monsters and heavily armed teenagers. Night Vale isn’t normal. But they can recognize that.

Night Vale is a deeply weird town. And there’s no town like it.

[myownsuperintendent]

2019 Fic Masterpost

Here’s an updated masterpost of my fic, divided into my usual fairly arbitrary categories (plus a new one, crossover).  I didn’t write a ton this year, but those fics are in bold.

AU (Canon Divergent):

“Always Something New”–On William’s prom night, Scully tells Mulder a story from her own.  Rated T.

“Better Late Than Never”– Mulder is plotting a surprise for Scully.  Rated G.  Set in Season 8.  (Birthday gift for @xv12.)

“A Day Out”– Scully, Mulder, and Emily spend a day at the beach.  Rated G.  Very fluffy.

“Family”–Along with their three children, Mulder and Scully celebrate Scully’s sixtieth birthday.  Post-series AU.  Rated G.  112% fluff.

“In My Dreams”– She knows it’s not going to go anywhere–but Monica can’t help having feelings for Dana Scully.  Rated G.  Set during Seasons 8 and 9 and post-IWTB.  Largely canon compliant but ignores Season 10.

“Marry Me”--Mulder and Scully decide to get married.  Season 8 AU. Rated T.

“Nightmare”– Mulder tries to console Emily, who is worried about the incipient arrival of her new sibling. AU, set in the Season Eight era.   Rated G.

“No Secrets”– After he’s returned from his abduction, Mulder and Scully have a talk about their relationship.  Rated G.  Set in Season 8.

“Support System”–It’s Dana’s decision, but Monica wants to at least give her the space to make it.  Rated G.  Set in Season 9.

“A Tale of Two Nosebleeds”– Even family life can sometimes lead to accidents. Set in a universe in which all three of Scully’s kids lived.  Rated G.  Fluff, but warning for blood.

“Tell Me”--In prison, Mulder wants to hear about William.  AU in which Scully did not give up William, set during "The Truth." Rated G.

“Time and Again”– 1973 and 2010–two boys look out for their younger sisters.  Rated G.

“Stomach Flu”--Emily brings home the stomach flu from kindergarten.  Soon Scully catches it too--or does she? Rated G.

“Visions and Voyages”– When danger threatens, the Mulder-Scully family goes on the run together. AU set in the Season 9 era.  Rated G.

“You Know Your Mama Was Born To Die”– After the invasion, a woman and her son try to make their way in Washington, D.C.  Rated T.

…

Crossover:

“Take Me To Your Leader” (part two here)--It's 2037, and Leslie Knope has just been sworn in as President of the United States, only to find her inaugural address followed by an alien invasion.  For help, she and Ben call on two experts--retired FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully--and the four team up to defeat the alien threat. Parks and Recreation crossover. Rated T.

...

Episode Specific:

“Across the Country”– During “Anasazi,” Scully drives across the country with an unconscious Mulder in the back seat.  Rated G.

“In the Open”–After the events of “Small Potatoes,” Mulder and Scully reflect.  Rated G.

“It’s the Job”– During “4-D,” Reyes and Scully discuss being a woman in the FBI.  Rated T.  References to sexual violence.

“Wild Romance”–It’ll be sixty years next week, but she still remembers that strange night in 1939.  Rated G.  Set (sixty years) post-“Triangle.”

…

Humorous:

“Fugue for Fish”–Mulder’s fish become enamored with Scully’s tattoo.  Rated G.  Crack pairing.

“Lipstick on Your Collar”– The FBI has many cases to solve.  One of the biggest mysteries is the status of the relationship between Agents Mulder and Scully–and like in any case, it’s important to have evidence before jumping to conclusions.  Rated G.  

“Nose Implants Just Have That Richer Feel”–Some aliens are perfectly content using neck implants, but some are nostalgic for the past.  Rated G.

“Yes, Dana, There is a Santa Claus”– Mulder believes in a lot of strange things–but when he suggests that Santa Claus is the culprit for a series of strange murders, Scully doesn’t know what to think.  The case, along with the stresses of the season and her unconfessed feelings for her partner, makes for a very complicated Christmas.  Rated T.  Casefile.

…

Part of a Series:

1960s AU: “How to Expand Your Mind”– In 1966, college student Dana Scully makes a new acquaintance–Fox Mulder–in the process of tracking down her sister among New York’s hippie scene.  Rated T.   “While She Was Somewhere Being Free”–More than anything, Samantha doesn’t want to be trapped again.  Rated T. “I Can’t Go Back There Anymore”– When Diana Fowley returns to New York’s hippie scene after selling out and moving away, Melissa Scully is happy to have her best friend back. But the complications Diana brings into the burgeoning relationship between Melissa’s sister Dana and Fox Mulder force Melissa to examine her own feelings for Diana.  Rated T. “Summers of Love”– During the summers of 1966, 1967, and 1968, Mulder and Scully, spending time apart, communicate and build their relationship by letter. Rated M. “The First Few Friends I Had”–Diana arrives in New York, ready to live a new life.  Set prior to the other fics in the series.  Rated T. “Old and New”--When Monica meets John Doggett, she wants to know him better, even though he's different from most of her friends.  Their relationship, however, brings many complications. Rated G. “Reunions”--After summers spent apart, Mulder and Scully reunite. Rated M. “Five Times Someone Walked in on Starchild and Byers (and One Time They Walked in on Someone Else”--Byers and Susanne have a fraught but passionate relationship, as their friends witness at first hand. Rated M.

A Different Place series (“Herrenvolk” AU): “A Different Place”– Herrenvolk AU. When Mulder successfully brings one of the Samantha clones back from the farm with him, she must learn to adapt to a different life.  Rated G. “No-Fail Chicken Soup”– Samantha just wants to help Scully, but it’s not as easy as she hopes.  Rated G.  Cancer arc. “Real Ghosts”– Samantha doesn’t care for Halloween, but she finds that it has its attractions. Set in 2000.  Rated G. “Five Times Samantha Was Different (And One Time It Didn’t Matter)”--Even as she adapts to a new life, there’s a lot that’s strange to Samantha. Rated G.

See the USA series (post-season 9 AU): “See the USA”– Life as a family on the run brings some joys and some challenges for Mulder, Scully, and William.  Rated T. “Here Now”–On their third night on the run, Mulder spends some time with his son.  Set prior to “See the USA.”  Rated G.

Signs Series (Martha’s Vineyard Sign Language AU): “Signs”–On Martha’s Vineyard in the nineteenth century, deafness is common.  But for the Mulder family, interaction with the world on the mainland poses new challenges.  Rated G. “Communications”– In this installment, after a broken arm lands him in the hospital, Mulder meets a nurse who knows sign language and perhaps can help him on his quest to find his sister.  Rated G.

Welcome series (based on Season 11 Emily casting rumors): “Welcome”– In Wyoming, they spend the first morning with Emily.  Rated G. “Conversations”–Emily tries to come to terms with the presence of Scully and Mulder in her life.  Rated G. “At the House”– Some months after the events of “Conversations,” Mulder, Scully, Emily, and William return to the unremarkable house and continue to build their relationships.  Rated G. “Moving”– With the help of Mulder and Scully, William moves into his dorm room.  Rated G. “Next Year”--In the year following their reunion as a family, Mulder, Scully, Emily, and William navigate their relationships. Rated T.

…

Post Season Eleven:

“Baby Books”–Scully has a baby book for each of her children.  Set from seasons 5 to post season 11.  Rated G.

“Camping Trip”--Scully takes her daughter on a Girl Scout camping trip. Rated G.

“Looking Forward”–Scully tries to cope with her feelings as she and Mulder prepare for the new baby.  Rated T.

“Renewal”– After Scully has a difficult birth with her third child, Jackson comes back to the Unremarkable House to help care for his sister.  Rated G.   Warning for childbirth complications.

“Return”–On a walk with their daughter, Mulder and Scully meet their son.  Rated G.

“Snow Globe”– After their daughter is born, Mulder and Scully receive an unexpected gift. Post-season 11.  Rated G.

“Two Evenings”–Mulder and Scully’s grown daughter spends one evening with her brother and another with her parents.  Rated G.

…

Set Within Canon:

“Dirty Talk”–Mulder loves the way Scully talks.  Rated T.

“Eligible”– Charlie tries to help his sister out during her break-up. Set between IWTB and the revival.  Rated T.

“Five Times Scully Talked To William (And One Time They Talked To Each Other)”–There were moments when she was able to talk to her son.  Rated G.  Set in Seasons 8 and 9 and post-Season 10.

“Mappable Territory”–When Scully travels, she thinks of her father.  Rated G.

“Missed You”--Mulder and Scully are happy to be together again.  Set in late season 11. Rated M.

“Now I‘m Sane (But I Would Rather Be Gaga)”– Scully wants to get back out there after the breakup, but it’s not that easy.  Rated G.  Scully/other with past MSR.

“Slow”--Mulder and Scully decide to take their reunion slow, but that doesn’t last too long. Rated M.

“Take Two”–Along with Mulder, Scully takes a second vacation to Maine.  Set post-IWTB, pre-revival.  Rated T.

“Three Scully Children Who Went Incommunicado (And One Who Didn’t)”–It’s not that they don’t care about their family.  But there were reasons they had to get away.  Rated T.

…

Smutty:

“After All These Years”– Mulder and Scully have been together for a long time now, but sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Rated M.  Set mid-Season 10.

“Dining Etiquette”–Is it ever okay to eat in bed?  Rated M.  

“If At First You Don’t Succeed”– After long anticipation, Mulder and Scully’s first time together doesn’t go exactly as planned.  As they work a case together, they find this getting in the way of their relationship and must figure out how to navigate this new stage.  Rated M.  Set during “Syzygy.”

“Just Be”– After “Paper Clip,” Mulder and Scully try to make a moment away from grief.  Rated M.

“Massachusetts After Midnight”– After an irritating case, Mulder and Scully make the best of their night. The post-“Teso dos Bichos” smut you’ve always wanted.  The Massachusetts entry in the “A Map of Us” challenge.  Rated M.

“Refuge”– When they’re in bed together, they can put her illness out of their minds–at least for a little while.  Rated M.  Cancer arc.

“Six Ways to Warm Up a Cold Basement”– It’s February, and the heat in the X Files office is broken.  Mulder and Scully try to find ways to deal with the problem.  Rated M.  My first fic in the fandom!

“You’re the Only One I Trust (To Slap My Ass)”– Sharing one’s sexual desires with a partner can take a lot of trust. Fortunately, Mulder and Scully have plenty of that. Rated E.

[imagine-loki]

Return

TITLE: Return CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter One AUTHOR: theterrifyingtermite ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine that, at the end of Endgame, Loki comes back. Only one problem: this isn’t your Loki… (click to continue) RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS: After a five year lapse, it’s good to be back!  So, this imagine is a few months old, but I’ve been mulling over it since it posted and just recently had time to smash it all out. It sort of got away from me, heh. It’s set in the same little word I created all those years ago, so they didn’t meet at the Tower, but no worries. This chapter references them briefly (Won’t You, Promise Me, You’re Mine, For Cooking or For Worse, and In Fishing and In Stealth), but it’s not imperative to know them. Everything else stays the same from the original Imagine. On that note, eeeenjoy! (hopefully)

Chapter One

When her life had restarted, it came back to her slowly.

She had blinked once, then shut her eyes immediately – the dimmed light glowing from somewhere proving to be too much too soon.

With several deep, slow breaths, she tried to mentally backtrack. The date. Early morning. Breakfast? No, not yet. The news. People were outside, suddenly screaming; shouting, and then –

Her breath caught in her throat. Instinctively, she flexed her fingers, and allowed her nails dig into her palm to the count of ten while she continued to evaluate. She was curled up on her side on a familiar-feeling rug, and nothing felt broken. When she had blinked, she saw the TV sitting on its shelf, turned off instead of on. Her fingers were working; therefore, her last memory of them dusting away had to be false.

Or so she thought. That is – until she heard the first strangled whimper come from behind her.

With a groan, she rolled forward, her body beginning to react more normally. She pushed herself up, rubbed at her eyes, and then forced herself to look ahead.

Six thin, haunted-looking teenagers stared back.

___

She dropped onto her couch, shivering once more. The thermostat had been raised, blankets and tea had been acquired, and yet she still felt as if she were freezing from the inside out. The wintry weather outside did nothing to help the situation; nor did the approach of the end-of-year holidays.

After tucking a fluffy, woolen throw more tightly around herself, she nestled back into the cushions, tea warming her hands at least, settled for another night of news recaps. A local station had decided to give an evening hour to a meticulous review of the past five years.

At least, this way, there would not be quite as much of an information gap – or so they said.

She disagreed.

It was still odd. She would go out into the world; into her city, and she would see such things as to puzzle her exceedingly. There were trees now that had seemed barely a wisp before; children she vaguely remembered young no longer. The entire atmosphere, while improved with the return of those who had had “blipped,” was still off-putting. She felt out of place; out of time.

Out of luck.

___

She stared; they stared.

One of the boys started crying.

Her eyes shifted from face to face; she must know them – mustn’t she?

There were a couple that were achingly familiar, and when the crying one gasped out a “It’s you,” she knew that she had to know them.

Opening her mouth, clearing her throat, then stilling suddenly – the one that had whispered her name like a prayer had lunged forward, dropped to the floor, and thrown his arms around her, shaking as he sobbed her name.

Her identity thus being established, and her arms full, the other five all began to talk and move around excitedly, grabbing random items and shouting things at her simultaneously.

“It was half the earth’s population –“

“They were all there in Wakanda it was so crazy–“

“My mom disappeared while we were parking, and I –“

“We didn’t have anywhere to go, and we didn’t want to go to a communal home –“

“There was this spaceship in New York and Iron Man apparently –“

“Ma’am, don’t you remember me?”

The one in her arms had pulled back suddenly, an impish grin lighting up his features.

And then she did.

The little boy up the street who would bring her flowers and tried so hard to fix her step.

Little no more. Still talking, and she blinked to re-focus.

“–no one knew what happened; everyone just disappeared. That was five years ago – five years! Whatever happened the Avengers must has fixed it; they must have changed it back somehow!”

And then he was standing, excitedly rattling off more about how her things were packed away nicely, obviously they would move out of her home, and he could come back and explain more but this probably meant his family was back and he needed to go, but he could come back and answer any questions, just not right now, and she understood, didn’t she?

Obviously not.

___

Out of hope.

One hand dropped from her mug to wrap around her stomach. One of the first episodes of the televised “Earth’s Five-Year History” recap had been to explain exactly what the Blip was, how it had happened, and what had been done to reverse it. Everything was fixed. Everything was better. We’ll help you re-acclimatize to life; we’ll take care of you.

At least on the last one they had.

As if sensing where her thoughts had gone, the little one shifted, kicking against the side of her stomach where her hand rested.

Rubbing the spot and only wincing slightly, she found herself tuning out the news caster discussing the rates of agriculture change in the last few months before those Blipped reappeared.

After the boys had left her, it had taken several more minutes for her to remember the most important aspect of her disappearance and reappearance, registering it only after noticing the sparkle on her left hand.

Loki.

If he had come and found her gone…well, now that the entire universe had presumably been reborn, he would know and he would come back, as he promised.

Now she knew he never would.

At her sniffle, the baby kicked again.

___

The first two weeks had been pulled from hell; she was certain.

Being Blipped again would have been preferable to the amount of time she had to spend getting all her information renewed, contracts for electrical, Internet, and television reconnected – plus the endless visits to the OB-GYN once they had discovered she was pregnant.

That had been an interesting day.

Eventually, after another long, less interesting day of frustration at the local DMV – apparently not everything had improved over the last five years, though they swore it was the influx of people – she had come home, dropped onto the couch with her personally-termed ‘rations’, and the program had started.

Only half-way paying attention to anchors cheering on a return to normalcy, and instead mentally counting the days once again since she had last seen her fiancé and dreaming of the way to surprise him with her news – the tone changed.

Her brow furrowed.

They began to talk of those lost in the battle. Actually lost; not just Blipped away like the rest of them.

Tony Stark.

Natasha Romanoff.

Vision.

Several other “off-worlders,” in their words.

And then, with a grudging disclaimer that he had been the first to face on Thanos, and some muttering about how he had apparently changed…

Loki, the brother of Thor, former front-line assault of New York.

They kept talking, but she had gone elsewhere. Everything was still; silent, except for the thudding of her heart.

Loki, her breaking heart whispered, is forever lost to you.

There was a reason he had never come back.

The ring glinted in the light of the screen, flickering in and out, in and out, until she slapped at the power button and the room went dark.

Then she sobbed.

___

The start of the New Year.

Roughly four months of growing a baby down; six more to go.

Or so she thought.

She was colder every day.

Life, three months post-Blip, had slipped back into a semblance of normalcy. Production of all kinds was on the rise. The hope, and decent preparation that yes, the Avengers would save the world, had eased the transition.

Not fixed it, though. Not to her.

She still wore the ring.

It had been one of Frigga’s, pilfered away when Loki was young. He had given it to her that day – now, technically over five years ago. For her, only a few months had passed.

And he was gone.

Taking a deep breath, she rolled onto her side, curling more tightly into her pillow. It did no use dwelling on it. It was done; it was over. There was nothing she could do. At least she had a part of him; something to treasure for the rest of her life.

With determination, she closed her eyes, willing the chill away and begging her body to rest…

…with a start, she opened her eyes, freezing in place.

The sound came again; a familiar voice and some shuffled movement.

It couldn’t be.

Frantically, she kicked at the blankets, even as the voice – his voice – grew louder and more agitated. She rushed to the door, flung it open, dashed down the short hall, and slapped on the lights, staring; her heart racing, hearing him swear at the burst of light.

And he was there.

He was.

“Loki,” she gasped out as she swayed into the wall, clutching at it to stay on her feet, disbelief, panic, relief; everything flooding her at once. “You’re alive.”

His eyes trailed up her body, pausing briefly on her rounding stomach, before they finally reached hers.

Normally so gentle or teasing or ardent, his eyes were dark and cold and unfeeling.

[losingmymindtonight]

Trope: Losing Powers

Peter had been gone for 28 days, 17 hours, 43 minutes, and 27 seconds when F.R.I.D.A.Y. finally got a hit on his location.

Tony knew that because he’d had the counter running across every free screen for weeks.

There was no time wasted when the notification came in, not a second for gathering or regrouping or slowing to breathe. Just Tony, pushing the team forward with one-minded desperation. Steve scrambled to keep up, shouting terse orders and jogging just behind Tony as he stalked towards the Quinjet.

It took 3 hours and 16 minutes to get to the kid’s location. 4 minutes for everyone to organize. 7 minutes to advance on the heavily guarded research facility. 19 minutes to take out the guards, break into the winding hallways illuminated by fluorescent lights. 2 minutes for Tony to smell the blood.

It was all over the kid’s cell. The walls, the floor, the exposed pipe in the corner. Fresh and old, small smears and massive puddles. It was everywhere he looked. Blood, blood, blood.

Peter was in the center, strapped down to a medical table by fucking zip-ties. He’d been stripped down to a stained pair of boxers, hair longer than Tony remembered it being, eyes duller than he’d remembered them being. The kid let out a deep, guttural whine when the door opened, face twisting in a flinch, like he was expected a blow.

“Peter,” he breathed, staggering towards him, disengaging his gauntlets in his rush to touch, skin-to-skin, to offer the comfort he’d been deprived of for way too fucking long, “Peter.”

Glazed, brown eyes stared back at him. His pupils were blown. Drugs? Fear? The kid squinted like he was struggling to see him. Drugs, then. Maybe. Probably. “Mister Stark?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s me. It’s me, buddy.”

Peter’s head dropped back, lungs deflating. A delirious smile curled across his face, words lazy with relief. “You’re... a little short for a Stormtrooper.”

He blinked, brain still preoccupied with the metallic scent of blood aching in his nose and the incisions littering every visible inch of the kid’s skin and the fact that he could map every single one of his ribs and how sick he looked, how delicate and fragile and very not like the Peter he knew.

Then, he forced out a chuckle. Act normal, act cool. He had to hold it together for Peter. That was his only job. “Of course you’d make a Star Wars reference.”

“‘S my best quality.” The words must have sparked the kid’s memory, because some of the exhaustion on his face faded, and a thrum of panic took its place. He jerked against his restraints, chest heaving. “Mister Stark, I have to tell you something. I-”

“Shh,” he created a small knife with the suit’s nanites and started sawing through the zip-ties, carefully not to nick Peter’s already raw skin, “we can go through all that later, okay?”

“No, you don’t-”

He set a restraining hand against the kid’s collarbone. “Does this information put us in imminent peril?”

“No-”

“Then hush.” He finished with the zip-ties around his wrists and ducked to his ankles. “How bad are you hurt?”

“I dunno.” Peter’s voice was faint, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “Stopping feeling it weeks ago.”

Oh, Peter.

“Okay,” he choked out, wishing he was strong enough to hide the way that statement cut through his bones, “that’s okay. We’re gonna get you to the Quinjet, get you pumped full of the good stuff, and Helen’ll take care of you.”

“I don’t know if she can,” Peter whispered, voice broken.

“Hey,” he returned to the kid’s face, cupped his cheek, “none of that. Whatever she can’t fix, we’ll fix. Together. Okay?”

For a few beats, Peter just stared at him, wavering between his fear and the intrinsic trust he had in Tony.

The trust won. It always did.

“Okay.”

“Good boy.” He finished with the zip-ties, reengaged the gauntlets, but kept his helmet lowered. One of his arms slipped under the kid’s knees, wary of the dark bruising flaring across the left one, while the other went to support his back. Before fully scooping him up, he paused. “Ready to blow this joint?”

Peter rested his head against the suit’s metal shoulder, voice a tired murmur. “So ready.”

“Good.” The kid was light. Way lighter than he remembered him being. He tried to make a joke of it as he walked to the door, his precious cargo cradled closely to his chestplate. “We’ll have to get a burger in you ASAP, squirt.”

For some reason, the comment made Peter choke on a sob. “Y-Yeah. I guess.”

Despite how much the sound of the kid crying hurt, he consigned the reaction to the hysteria of being freed rather than anything more serious. He could still remember the plane flight back from Afghanistan, sitting against the wall, feeling something tickle his face and reaching up to realize that they were tears. Rhodey kneeling in front of him, concern written all over his expression. Are you okay, Tones? He’d shrugged. I don’t know.

He’d locked himself away in the bathroom for the breakdown, waited out the episode before stumbling back to his seat and staunchly ignoring Rhodey’s stares. Peter, on the other hand, just turned his face into Tony’s shoulder and quivered, teeth digging into his lip as he cried.

“It’s alright.” Tony soothed, moving silently through the smoky halls. Which side had set off the smoke bombs? He couldn’t remember. “You’re safe now.”

Peter nodded, short and sharp, hiccuped on a sob, then coughed.

At first, Tony thought he’d just worked himself up enough that his lungs were rebelling. He’d done it before. Or it could’ve been the smoke, although it had dispersed enough that it wasn’t bothering him, even without the helmet.

“Easy,” he muttered, catching a glimpse of the exit in front of them, “we’ll be out of here soon. A little sunshine’ll do you good, I think.”

He’d expected the kid’s coughing to abate once they got into fresh air. Except... it didn’t. If anything, it was getting worse. He jogged up the ramp to the jet, ignoring the team’s questioning looks, and made a bee-line for Cho.

She met him halfway, eyes already cataloging Peter’s visible injuries. “When did the coughing start?” She asked, guiding them over to a medical bunk.

Tony deposited Peter carefully, letting the suit leak away and pressed his bare palm against the kid’s shoulder, a silent reassurance. “Two minutes ago, maybe?”

“It was probably the smoke. His body’s struggling to adjust.” She shoved an oxygen mask into his hands. “Here. I need to check out these incisions.”

He knelt by Peter’s arm, lightly setting the oxygen mask over his face and brushing a few curls out of his eyes in the process. “There, buddy. Just try to relax.”

Peter groaned, another agonizing cough cutting the sound off short. His expression was twisted up in discomfort. Tony glanced over at Helen as he scrambled to keep the mask pressed firmly over the kid’s face, feeling strangely frantic. “He’s in pain. Can we fix that, please?”

She nodded, stepping back. “I brought his pain meds. Let me just-”

“No,” Peter rasped, shaking his head violently enough that it spurred him into another round of coughing, “no, don’t.”

“You don’t have to be brave about this, Pete, it’s alright to need-”

“Can’t.” A wheeze. Peter winced. “You’ll... You’ll overdose me.”

Cho scoffed. “Peter, I’ve been treating your metabolism for long enough to-”

“They took my powers,” Peter rasped, cutting Tony off. “They-”

The end of the sentence got lost in another round of wheezes and gags, but it had been enough to get the point across.

Tony’s frantic eyes met Cho’s surprised ones.

He shook his head, desperate not to believe it. “That... it can’t be...”

“It makes sense, Tony,” she murmured, shock melting into thoughtful understanding, “his muscle mass is severely depleted, and his healing factor hasn’t been working properly. Some of these wounds are days old, and they’ve only just started to heal.”

No. No. “Could just be malnutrition.”

“Maybe. But we should trust him.” Cho glanced over Peter with concern as his breaths got shorter. “It’s better to assume the worst so we can prepare for it. If he’s really lost his powers, that means that any medical issues he had before would be back. Is there anything-”

Tony’s eyes widened, symptoms clicking into place. God, he was so fucking stupid. “Shit, Cho. He had asthma. Has asthma. He... He has asthma. Really bad, I think.”

Understanding fell across Cho’s face. Her eyes darted to Peter’s heaving chest, then up to the ceiling. Her voice was terse. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., do we have any albuterol on board?”

“Yes. It is located in Medical Locker 12A.”

Cho was moving all at once, grabbing tubing, a mask, a dark black box that Tony assumed must be something important, and a handful of other things. She put them together with the kind of familiarity he imagined didn’t come only with being in the medical field, she’d done this before, often enough that each action had become muscle memory, but he didn’t comment on it.

“This is a nebulizer. It’ll get the albuterol into his lungs more effectively than a rescue inhaler at this point,” she explained. Her voice softened as she finished assembling everything, eyes landing on Tony’s. “He has to sit up.”

“On it,” he replied, slipping behind Peter and settling his back against his chest, shushing him gently as he tried to gag in another breath.

Cho handed him the nebulizer’s mask without another word, and he tossed the oxygen aside in favor of the new setup. 

“Just do your best to breathe, Peter.” Cho flicked on the machine, and it hissed. There was a surprising amount of sympathy on her face. “I assume you probably know the drill.”

The kid nodded, then dropped his head had against Tony’s shoulder, staring up at him like he was an anchor, something to tether him to Earth.

“Hey,” he whispered, desperate to fulfill the role Peter was so obviously imploring him to take, “you heard Cho. Just breathe. The meds’ll help soon.”

They did, too. Five minutes later, and Peter was slumped against him, breaths deep and borderline greedy, eyes shut with exhaustion, Cho was prepping an IV of plain-old morphine, supplies laid out to clean the dozens of wounds scattered across the kid’s body, and Tony was still holding the kid, one arm braced around his chest and the other holding the mask to his face.

The nebulizer stuttered, and Cho gently slipped it out of his hands. “We’ll do another treatment in 20 minutes or so, just to be safe. Are you feeling better now, Peter?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, eyelids fluttering open. He stared at Tony, expression full of guilt, “I’m sorry.”

“For what? Scaring the shit out of me? Yeah, you should be.”

Peter let out a wet laugh. “You’re gonna be doing this a lot now.”

“Doing what?”

The kid gestured at himself. “This. My body’s stupid. Can’t even breathe right. I step wrong and I sprain my ankle.” He glanced away, cheeks red. “‘M useless.”

“First of all, you’re not useless.” He used his free hand for force Peter’s gaze back to his face. “And second of all, you’re talking like I’m not gonna fix this. Which I am, by the way. You’ll be back to Spider-Manning and scaring the shit out of me in increasingly inventive ways before you know it.”

“What if you can’t?”

“Do you doubt me?”

“No, of course not.” There was something needy in Peter’s eyes. “But what if you can’t?”

He studied him silently, picking each word with caution. “Then I guess I’ll add a rescue inhaler to the list of things I keep in my pockets at all time. No biggie.”

That seemed to relieve whatever fear had been lurking under the kid’s skin, because he sank back into his chest and didn’t even flinch when Cho placed his IV. “Thank you, Mister Stark.”

He smiled, warm and fond. “I am gonna fix it, though. Just saying.”

The kid’s eyes fell shut again, mouth quirking up in amusement. “Of course you will.”

[glassworkspiderlilies]

in for a penny, in for a pound

Kyokou Suiri (In/Spectre) | Sakuragawa Kuro, Iwanaga Kotoko | AO3 Summary: A girl approaches Kuro at the hospital with a proposition. Everything about this situation is absurd. Notes: Watched the first episode of the anime today and then just really wanted to write something for it!! More or less just the events of the first episode/chapter, with a bit more focus on Kuro and his thoughts. Most of the dialogue is transcripted from the manga. Spills a little over into chapter 2 of the manga and kind of references some things that are revealed later on, but shouldn’t be overly spoilery. [EDIT] this fic has been posted up to ao3! that version has been edited a bit more thoroughly. :) 

.

.

.

It’s the first time he’s laughed since he’d broken up with Saki-san.

Kuro can’t help it—this girl is, perhaps, a bit cute, despite her oddly archaic way of speaking and her incredible forwardness. He had been teasing when he’d called her a middle-schooler, but he hadn’t expected her to blow up the way she did. It was also amusing how quickly she’d toned it back down, apologizing for her behavior.  

It was funny. So he’d laughed. And it’s refreshing, to be laughing for the first time since he’d been dumped. And it’s also a little flattering, to be asked out by a young thing like this enigmatic Iwanaga Kotoko, who has made her proposal so succinctly. All parts of this situation is absurd, and that almost makes Kuro want to say yes, for the continued absurdity.

But considering what happened with Saki-san…he knows what his answer is, and what it needs to be in general, moving forward. Even so, he doesn’t expect to be asked about the reason of his breakup. Kuro tells her, if only to test out his story on his own tongue.

He tries to leave and play it off as something of a joke—perhaps he’s just a pathetic boy who blames his breakup on a kappa, or one who lost his mind from the shock of breakup—but just as he didn’t expect to be asked about this at all, nor does he expect to be contested.

“You weren’t very clear about the subject of your sentences,” Iwanaga says, stopping him from leaving with the tone of her voice, her gaze preternaturally serious like she sees right through him. “Which one of you was the coward that ran and left Saki-san behind?”

Kuro pauses, wary, suddenly, of this girl five years younger than him.

She continues to talk, and the explanation she gives him floors him, though he keeps his face as neutral as he can. It floors him because she is absolutely correct, down to every fine detail, even the words Saki-san had uttered while looking at him with fear.

This girl looks at him without fear, even as she recounts his tale back to him.

He’s not sure if that should scare him.

“I’ve only had one interview with a kappa,” she says, as if his own story hadn’t been just that, a story that he’d expected to be brushed off, “But I am well acquainted with many of their kind.”

She seems—otherworldly, then, as she speaks of yokai, monsters, spectres, and even demons that occupy shadows and crevices and corners, watching them even now.

“Most of them are harmless, but they are everywhere,” Iwanaga continues as she walks towards him, her cane making a softer sound than expected on the flooring. “And when they see you, they whisper to me…‘that thing is different. That—that thing…is terrifying.’”

Kuro crushes the paper cup in his hand, unable to stop the gooseflesh prickling his skin.

“Who are you? How can you be so sure these things exist?” he demands, the words coming out sharper than he intends.

He’s clinging onto the presentation of a normal human being, even as she steps right over those boundaries he’s setting with the total confidence of one who will get what she wants. He’s not used to this, not at all. There are some things he’s careful with—the slip-ups with Saki-san during the course of their relationship had been inevitable, considering how long they’d dated, but hiding what he is is logical, natural. Saki-san had turned pale after every instance that showed his particular constitution and backed away, eyes questioning, accusing. She’d let those little things slide because she wanted so badly to believe, that he was perfectly normal in every other way, but she was certainly unable to forget the things she had seen.

The kappa had been too much.

It’s understandable, ultimately. Really. But Iwanaga…there is not a trace of fear in her.

She smiles at him before answering, perfectly serene.

“They kidnapped me for about two weeks when I was eleven,” she explains, with such ease as if she’s talking about something inconsequential, “They took me into the mountains and asked me, please become our god of wisdom. And my eleven year old self answered them yes, I will.”

He stares at her, unsure of how much to reveal about himself.

“Kinda hard to believe…” he sighs, continuing to play dumb, but Iwanaga merely laughs lightly.

“Indeed!” she says, “So you may look it up in the newspapers. July, six years ago. A fifth grader named Iwanaga Kotoko went missing from the city. One week later, the police went public with their investigation. Another week later, at dawn, the girl was discovered on a bench in the city park, dozing as if nothing had happened. Details were withheld for privacy, but surely in some of the local papers, you’ll find where they wrote, ‘when the girl was discovered, her left leg was severed, and her right eye had been removed.’”

She pushes her hair out of the way with the top of her cane, using her pinky finger to tap her nail against her eye, producing a light clacking sound. A glass eye. She shifts her position, and her skirt also flounces enough for him to see the strap around her thigh, keeping a prosthetic leg in place. Kuro looks at her with disbelief, and she smiles again, putting her arms behind her back in a girlish, innocent pose.

“Of course, the perpetrator was never caught. Since then, I’ve been their God of Wisdom.”

Iwanaga checks her watch and walks past him with a bounce in her step, as if she’s terribly pleased with the results of this conversation.

“It’s time,” she says, in regards to the bus that they’ve been waiting for. “We’ll continue this another day.”

It’s his ride, too, but she seems sure that he won’t follow. She’s right, because he stares after her as she inclines her head and walks away without waiting for a response, still at a loss.

Kuro sees her as the bus passes a few moments later, and she waves. He frowns, checking his phone for when the next one is supposed to come, sighing. He supposes he might as well go to the library to check her story, even though he…believes her. No, even as he knows she has told the truth. Something like this goes beyond mere belief.

He has an inkling, that if he goes to the library, the (more or less) peaceful life he’s had so far will take a turn. He can go home like he had been intending to and forget this ever happened. He can continue as he has been.

Sakuragawa Kuro goes to the library.

.

She finds him just as he’s leaving the library.

Everything she said he’d find he’d found, of course. And the picture in the newspapers is evidently her, even six years later. Even so, he tells her, it doesn’t prove that she’s become a god to monsters and yokai.

“No, it doesn’t. I may have imagined the whole thing. But if it is a delusion, then I’m just a girl who was kidnapped by some deviant, and lost her mind from the shock of his abuse.”

She uses his own words against him, her expression ever so slightly wry. He has to give it to her—she’s clever.

“You’re free to believe what you want,” she continues, “But I may be the only person in this whole world who can understand you.”

He sighs. She may be right, to an extent. There is, at least, one other person, but…well. That is its own complication.

“Have you had lunch?” he asks, caving just a little. “I’ll treat you.”

Surprisingly, she refuses, having just had an expensive kaiseki meal. Who is she, he wonders, that such a young girl can have a kaiseki lunch.

“With the way you talk, I can’t tell if you were raised in polite society or not,” he says.

“Let’s just say that if I go missing, the first thing that people think is a kidnapping—that’s the kind of mansion I grew up in,” she replies, and that’s already a lot to unpack. “If you marry me, then the land and the house come with me. I can get you a job, too.”

She connects her thumb and index finger and her gaze is intense, and he’s flustered by this offer. Why is she talking like she’s her own saleswoman?

“I don’t want to date you for profit,” he says, holding his hands up, but her gaze intensifies if possible.

“What kind of naïve romantic are you?!” she demands, as if he’s personally insulted her, and he kind of wants to laugh again, at this discrepancy between her doll-like appearance and her seemingly skewed view of the world. “Shouldn’t you get something out of this?”

“Are you sure you should be saying this?” he responds, shaking his head, and starts to walk away. Even if she doesn’t need lunch, he does, and there doesn’t seem to be anything more of proper substance to this conversation.

“Then you admit I’m your type?!” she gasps, following after him.

“No,” he says, easily. It’s true. She’s the exact opposite.

Before he can take his leave, however, a librarian rushes towards them and transforms mid-jog, and then Iwanaga is discussing something that is stalking the halls of the library with the tanuki trembling in her arms. Kuro refuses to come, trying yet again to make an escape—because even though he had come to the library knowing something would change, he’s already satisfied his curiosity quite enough, thank you—but Iwanaga guilts him into coming.

It’s kind of amazing how she succeeds, really. He’s starting to realize he should not, perhaps, underestimate her.

.

Kuro has been told before that he doesn’t seem to have a sense of danger, but considering that he’s immortal, he can’t help it.

As he watches Iwanaga fly through the air after striking the monster with a fire extinguisher, fear floods him, because even with one eye and leg and God of Wisdom and all, she is still human. If she hits the ground, she will die, and she will not get up. Even earlier, she had unnerved him with her stand against the creature, attempting and failing to speak with it. But him grabbing her to escape from that was easy. Now, as she soars through the air, if he doesn’t catch her—

He does, of course. Dwelling any longer would be counterproductive. Kuro has to sigh at her cheekiness to comment upon her pleasure at being held, and she squeaks when he pulls her closer—not out of romance, but so she cannot be any more reckless than she has been.

“I’m trying to stop you from getting us both killed,” he tells her when she protests, the sound muffled against his chest.

The monster roars, and she squirms against him, her voice high and panicked.

“Kuro-san, run!” she yells, but he’s calm in the face of danger, as he’s always been.

He holds out his arm as the monster opens its maw and Iwanaga turns her head—and strangely, he’s not even worried about what she’s seeing as the creature’s jaws close around his flesh, taking his arm clean off. Blood splatters across his face and hers as well. Iwanaga’s eyes are wide, and she grips his shirt tighter. Her mouth opens and closes once before her words come out properly.

“Then…and now…you have that unconcerned look on your face…how can you be so indifferent?! Don’t you care that you’re in danger?!”

It’s almost sweet, how she’s worried. Her reaction is both expected and unexpected; expected because she’s not pulling away from him, even after what she’s seen, and unexpected because it seems she doesn’t actually know the truth of what he is like he thought she might.

“It’s upsetting to hear that from you, miss leap-before-you-look. I was sure you of all people would have been able to guess.”

She tilts her head in confusion, but at that moment, his body begins to regenerate. Bones, blood, flesh—his arm reconstructs itself, good as new. Iwanaga looks surprised, but not disgusted, and���frankly, he’s more relieved than he’d like to be. He has no reason to want her approval—he’s not sure he even likes this girl, but he doesn’t necessarily dislike her either.

Kuro looks at the monster, which has gone still.

“Thought so,” he murmurs, as its body begins to bubble. “It looks like my meat doesn’t agree with him.”

A few moments later, it explodes and its flesh disintegrates, surprise washing across Iwanaga’s face again.

“Kuro-san,” she says, her voice serious again. He lowers her down and gets up, brushing off his clothes as he begins to walk towards the skeleton that remains. “What are you?”

“Those things ask you for wisdom. Can’t they tell you that?” he says, his back towards her.

“No one likes to talk about the things that truly frighten them,” Iwanaga says slowly.

Kuro thinks about that for a moment. And her? Does he scare her? If she’s scared now, what about in a moment, when he answers her question?

“…True,” he agrees. “Well, to borrow your words…” he turns to her, and her eyes widen at the emptiness on his face. “When I was eleven, I gorged myself on two different kinds of yokai meat.”

She stares. He waits. Truth be told, he’s already said too much by sharing he’s eaten two kinds of meat instead of only one. She didn’t need to know the second part. But he’s told her anyway.

The shock passes, and she looks merely thoughtful instead.

“I see,” she murmurs. “I suppose that would explain the fear from other yokai. They sense the amalgamation in you, which is…unnatural.”

She tries to get up but does so a bit awkwardly because of her prosthetic. He offers her his hand without thinking about it, and she takes it without hesitation.

Kuro blinks at her. She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Kuro-san,” she says, and—he’s had enough for today, he thinks.

“I think I’ve completed my part, here,” he says, the words coming out too quickly. He steps back. Coward, he thinks to himself. “Goodbye, Iwanaga-san.”

She sighs, even as he’s turning away and down half the stairs already.

“I will see you soon enough, Kuro-san,” she calls after him.

He glances back but doesn’t stop moving. She’s smiling at him, and offers a little curtsy.

Kuro wonders if he should feel threatened.

Briefly, he remembers that night, with Saki-san. How she had clung to him and called his name, only to start shaking, and then let him go with horror in her eyes.

He supposes there’s something wrong with him, that there’s some satisfaction in having this uncanny girl come after him.

.

Iwanaga does, of course, appear the next day at the hospital, peering around his side to look at the flowers he’s brought for his cousin. He’s not even surprised.

She’s worried for him, even after what she saw, repentant about the fact that she was the one who brought him into the mess.

He explains about the mermaid meat, grabs one of the rose stems from the bushes nearby, dragging his hand down its length. The thorns cut, his hand bleeds, and he opens it to show Iwanaga the wounds healing. She watches with less surprise than yesterday.

“I’ve lost fingers, been burned pretty badly, but I don’t have a single scar,” he tells her.

Iwanaga thinks. “Since ancient times, it’s believed that eating mermaid flesh bestows ageless immortality…but you don’t look eleven.”

“I think the other yokai meat I ate nullified some of the effects,” he says, his eyes distant as he looks down at his hand, “But it’s possible I will stop aging at some point.”

Iwanaga looks at him, tilting her head to the side.

“You said you ate two types of yokai meat. What was the other one?”

He smiles faintly at her.

“…I need to get going, otherwise I’ll be late for my visit.”

She sighs, but allows him to drop the topic.

“Very well. I suspect we’ll be seeing each other frequently for a long time to come. I’m sure I’ll have ample opportunity to ask you about yourself.”

“You can still say that after everything I’ve told you?” he asks, with some mild disbelief.

“Well, I do find it somewhat upsetting,” she says honestly, and this simple admittance doesn’t hurt him at all. “And I’m sure it’s why your relationship with Saki-san ended in ruin. Outwardly, you are the very picture of naiveté. But for my part, having you by my side is a welcome development both romantically and for solving yokai problems. Two birds, one stone!”

She twirls prettily and holds up to fingers to illustrate her words. She looks perfectly cheerful, for someone who had just found out something so disturbing so recently. But he supposes, as the God of Wisdom as she says she is, and a girl who had lost her left leg and right eye to supernatural creatures, his story, though unusual even to her, is not as big of an upset as it would be to someone else.

“…Are you sure you’re not being too logical about this?” he asks, is eyebrows furrowing. Because the fact remains that he is unnatural. Yokai and other such creatures are natural, especially to her, even if most humans cannot see them. They are part of a natural order that she is meant to keep.

He falls outside of that order. Shouldn’t she be thinking of getting rid of him somehow, then, instead of positing a relationship?

“What’s wrong with that?” she pouts, breaking him out of his thoughts. “And if we could just ignore the fact that my appearance doesn’t match what appeals to you, this would all be solved handily.”

He sighs.

“That’s not the problem and you know it,” he says, shaking his head. He isn’t ready to broach the topic he was just thinking about with her. He doesn’t know her well enough yet. “And you never said yokai extermination would be a requirement for this relationship.”

It’s funny. It wasn’t as though he ever said yes, but somehow—he’s already in it, this relationship.

“Most of their problems can be solved their consultation,” Iwanaga says easily, “And with you by my side, there won’t be any major upsets.”

He chuckles a little.

“What happened yesterday wasn’t a major upset?”

She looks a bit sheepish at that, turning her head in slight embarrassment.

“Sometimes things don’t work out,” she admits, “It was unfortunate for that cow that it couldn’t see you. But it’s very rare for a spectre to see you—part human, part yokai—and not be filled with dread. It would be quite the monster that doesn’t find you frightening.”

He stops short, just after they walk through the hospital doors. Kuro thinks about that, and wonders what that makes her, if yokai, monsters, spectres, and demons fear him. Humans are more fragile than yokai, and if humans are more intelligent, then they know above all what should be feared.

Iwanaga Kotoko fears neither humans nor the supernatural. So what does that make her? Her being a God of Wisdom is merely a title; she will say she is human when asked. So the fact that she doesn’t fear him and wants to date him (as a preamble to getting married, no less!)…what does that make her?

It would be quite the monster indeed.

He can’t think of her as a monster. So what is left? A true god?

Kuro puts a hand to his forehead. This is all too much. Even so, he’s her boyfriend now, whatever that entails or means in this situation. She’s too logical and unromantic and oddly risqué for him to think that being her boyfriend will be anything like being Saki’s. It’ll come with its own troubles, he can feel it, but…it doesn’t feel bad.  

“Why did you stop?” Iwanaga calls to him, “You still have time—as my new boyfriend, the least you could do is walk me to my appointment before your own, you know.”

He sighs, but his lips quirk into a resigned smile once she turns her back to him, pouting slightly.

“Yes, yes,” he says, and offers his arm for her to hang onto.

She blinks at him, mollified.

“Well, now,” she says, “You do have some manners after all.”

“Moreso than you, sometimes,” he says, “How did you learn to talk like you do when you were raised in polite society?”

“Hey!” she says, pouting again, “There’s nothing wrong with being forthright. And seriously, what kind of idea of polite society do you have anyway?!”

He laughs, and continues to do so as she gets even more irritated, her cheeks reddening with frustration.  

Yes, in some ways, he doesn’t think this will be bad at all.

[nicolasnelson]

Sizzie fic - Unleash the Chaos [oneshot]

Title: Unleash the Chaos Relationship: Lizzie Saltzman/Sebastian Additional Tags: Sebastian’s POV, Hurt/Comfort, references to mental illness Words: 1,610

Summary: Sebastian seeks out Lizzie for a romantic tryst, but instead he finds her in the middle of an episode.

Requested by @writers-imagines // Prompt: One shot request for Sizzie? How Sebastian reacts to one of Lizzie's episodes?

[AO3 LINK]

Sebastian was the only one who noticed that Elizabeth was feeling unwell. He thought perhaps he would be able to cheer her up, if he could get her alone. On a scrap of parchment, he wrote out his request in elegant script.

Care for a reprieve from this tedious class? I would fancy sneaking into the library with you.

The students beside him were kind enough to pass the note to Elizabeth, though he suspected they did it out of fear. He had that effect on people. He flashed Elizabeth a seductive smile once she looked up at him after reading the note.

She bit her lip, her gaze flicking to the teacher for a moment. She was clearly considering his offer. Her hand glowed red as she placed it against the desk to siphon its magic.

When Sebastian looked down at his parchment, he found a note in Elizabeth’s fine penmanship. Five minutes.

She raised her hand and told the teacher she needed to go to the ladies room for “personal reasons.”

The substitute teacher Dorian Williams, who doubled as the school librarian, let Elizabeth leave the room without question. Smart man.

Sebastian watched the clock on the wall, each tick of the second hand amplified to his ears. His whole body was tensed, ready to pounce the moment the clock hit the end of five minutes. He already had his excuse prepared.

Three minutes in he sensed that something was deeply wrong. The chair collapsed to the floor as he flung himself towards the door. “I’m hungry,” Sebastian snapped, whatever excuse he’d prepared far from his mind.

No one followed him.

Once outside the room, he listened for Elizabeth. It took only a moment to hear her distant scream. With vampire speed, he flitted through the wood to the Old Mill, the place they had first met. 

Candles, books, and chairs, even rusted chains and what looked like a metal gate, flew through the air. They crashed against the brick wall, the wooden chairs splintering into pieces and the metal bits clattering to the ground. Sebastian winced as a book was relieved of its cover after a particularly nasty crash.

It was clear Elizabeth was having a breakdown of some kind, her magic lashing out as an expression of her emotions. After all, witches were deeply entwined with their feelings. They could make her stronger or they could make her careless. Right now, it just seemed like she needed to let it all out.

Elizabeth caught sight of him. “You shouldn’t be here. I don’t want you to see me like this.” The objects in the room moved faster with more intensity.

Sebastian dodged a huge metal disk that could have taken off his head. He kept his own emotions calm. “I’m not going anywhere,” he assured her.

He would not leave, even though it would have been safer for himself, for he knew it would make Elizabeth feel abandoned. And those sort of feelings could lead to self harm.

Sebastian leaned against a wooden post near the brick wall and watched the candles tumbling across the floor. He was careful not to look at Elizabeth, for he knew how embarrassing it felt to have others watch you spiral out of control.

Minutes passed, though Sebastian couldn’t say how many, and the objects settled on the ground.

Elizabeth collapsed against the brick wall, wrapping her arms around her knees. Sebastian approached her slowly and sat beside her, his legs straight and hands folded together in his lap. He would not pry, but he wanted to be there for her in case she needed him. He studied the daylight ring on his finger while he waited for her to speak or get up and leave. Whichever she preferred, he would respect her choice.

“Why did you stay?” Elizabeth asked, her tone soft and gentle. It was refreshing from her usual snark, though Sebastian much enjoyed that side of her too.

“I know you find this hard to believe, but I care about you, Elizabeth.”

Her cheeks went an adorable shade of pink. “I could have hurt you,” she said, winding her fingers together.

“I very much doubt that, Elizabeth. Even if you wanted to hurt me, you would find me quite resilient.” Aside from the metal disk that had almost beheaded him, but he kept that to himself.

“I don’t want to.” Elizabeth sighed, leaning back against the wall. She turned her head towards him.

Sebastian met her gaze, marveling in those beautiful eyes and her tear-stained cheeks. Few people truly appreciated the strength of those who suffered. They were battle wounds she wore with dignity.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Elizabeth said. “Why are you so calm? Aren’t you at least a little afraid of me?”

“Do you want me to be?”

Elizabeth fixed him with a glare, though there was no animosity behind it. “Only sometimes. Aren’t you going to ask me what’s wrong with me?”

“No. For there is nothing wrong with you, Elizabeth Saltzman.”

Elizabeth caught her breath, surprised. “Are you sure you don’t want to leave? Now that you’ve seen what a mess I am.”

“Positive. I know you think I could not possibly understand, but I assure you that I can empathize with your situation.”

“How?”

“Humans have a tendency to assume that once you become a vampire, all your illnesses and afflictions are magically cured, but that is far from the truth. Afflictions of the mind follow you through life and death, and being a vampire merely amplifies them.”

“What do you suffer from?” Elizabeth asked, her eyes alight with curiosity. “Oh, sorry. You don’t have to answer that. I don’t even know why I asked.”

Sebastian smiled at her, amused. He felt so comfortable around her, like he finally had a place to call home. “I do not mind sharing, but I know not what you would call it. In my day these afflictions had no name. We were merely dismissed as being crazy or possessed. My particular affliction sends me into fits of rage with the slightest provocation.”

“Do you hurt people too?” Elizabeth asked, looking at the disaster of broken objects strewn across the floor. She tucked a strand of her silky blond hair behind her ear.

“I…” Sebastian searched for the right word. “I create chaos. But I am trying to be better about unleashing my emotions in healthier ways. Well, maybe not healthier for me, but it certainly leaves everyone else in a healthier state.”

“Sounds like you’re bottling up a lot of rage.”

Sebastian picked up a broken shard of glass from the floor beside him. He held it up to the light, studying it from every angle and watching as the light refracted. How did she manage to see him so well?

“The rage only comes in bursts,” he explained. “I bottle up frustrations. You see, I always have to be the smartest person in the room. It has been that way all my life. While being here is a thousand times better than being trapped in a box, it does make things difficult for me. On one hand, I am fascinated and intrigued by how much new knowledge is available to be learned. But on the other hand, I find myself constantly confused by new words or familiar words which have different meanings, scientific theories that have been disproven. So much has changed in the last five hundred years. It feels like I can no longer be the smartest person in any room.”

Elizabeth reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I don’t have to be the smartest, but I always have to be in control. When I’m not at the Salvatore school, it’s harder for me to have control over my environment. If you thought today was bad…” Her voice trailed off.

“The Salvatore school has been good for me too. At least I am not surrounded by idiotic humans who know nothing of magic or vampires. I get even more frustrated when I am not intellectually challenged. I know, my personality is contradictory.”

“I think most people are filled with contradictions. At least you can admit you have them.”

Sebastian chuckled. “Yes, you are right about that. I am self-aware, as are you.”

“It wasn’t easy for me, though.”

“Nor for me.”

Elizabeth grinned, leaning towards him and touching his arm. “You mean you didn’t come out of the box this way?” Her eyes were expectant, like she’d made a joke, but he didn’t understand what made it funny.

“I did, though. After I was trapped—”

“Oh, sorry. It’s an expression. Like when you buy a toy or something in the store and you open it. Some things come already put together and others don’t.”

Sebastian was grateful that Elizabeth never made him feel stupid. She was calm with her explanations, especially when she wanted him to laugh at a joke. It was clear she wanted such a reaction from him now.

“So you’re saying I am like a toy you wish to play with,” he said with a sly smile.

“You wish,” Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes, though her deepening smile said she shared that same wish.

“Weren’t we supposed to meet up for a tryst in the library?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

Elizabeth laughed. She ran her fingers down his arm, her touch like magic. “The library’s too far away. But there’s a perfectly good bed upstairs in the less damaged part of the Old Mill.”

“Sounds comfortable.” Sebastian stood and offered a hand to Elizabeth. She eagerly took his, and they ascended the staircase together.

[onwardintolight]

Han x Leia, ESB, Trip to Bespin, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Summary: ESB from Leia's POV. A journey from despair to hope, a blossoming, an opening to vulnerability and love.

Warnings: Deals with some heavy themes, incl. working through trauma, depression, self-harm, attempted sexual assault. Each chapter will be individually warned.

Note: I’m currently in the process of reposting the first nine chapters here in full, since when I first wrote this fic, I only shared links to the chapters on AO3 and FFN. I will try to post at least weekly. In the meantime, if you’d prefer to binge-read it, the entire fic is posted in full on AO3 and FFN.

Part: Masterlist | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | Epilogue

~~~

Warnings for Chapter 24: Brief reference to the torture and attempted sexual assault that occurred in Chapter 19

Author’s note from 1/2020: An important disclaimer: As I wrote this fic, I strove to make it canon-compliant—at least compliant with the canon that existed at the time. Now that I'm posting this, however, a few things have changed; notably, we've seen the release of the first issue of the new line of Star Wars comics set after ESB. While I haven't had a chance to read it yet, I'm pretty sure it diverges from what I've written in my final two chapters, and I have no desire to change any of what I've written to fit it. I know most of you don't even care about canon—this IS fanfiction after all—but I just wanted to give you and all future readers a heads up anyway!

One last thing: Several of you have asked me if I'm planning on writing a Leia-focused fic like this one about ROTJ. First of all, I'm super flattered that you'd like more! Tbh though I don't really see myself writing it as another big multichapter; however, I would really like to do a few shorter fics about it. So keep an eye out for those! That being said, things can always change. If I discover that there's an arc I really want to tell through the whole story, I may find myself in over my head again ;) 

~~~

The Kaliida Nebula was about six hours away, not counting the brief stops they’d have to make every few hours to switch hyperlanes. Lando had once again joined Chewbacca at the Falcon’s helm; they had both insisted in no uncertain terms that Luke and Leia get some rest, promising they’d comm if they needed anything. She was tired enough not to argue.

Immediately after the jump to hyperspace, Luke had sat frozen, staring out the viewport into the whirling star tunnels. He’d glanced at her when she offered him a hand, looking for all the universe as if she were his only tether away from the maw. Silently, he’d let her help him back to the crew quarters, and once more she shakily attached the fluids line and pulled a blanket over him.

He was gazing up at her again, now, eyes wide and hollow. “Leia,” he whispered.

Tenderly, she brushed the hair from his forehead and reached down to clasp his remaining hand, squeezing it. She perched on the edge of his bunk. “I’m here,” she said softly. “You’re safe now.” Slowly, his eyelids began to flutter, and he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

She sat there for a long time, weariness bleeding into her bones, listening as his breathing grew deeper. Finally, when she was fairly certain her movement would not wake him, she slipped her hand carefully out of his, turned out the light, and walked over to her bunk, curling up on top of it without bothering to remove the blanket.

The pillow smelled like Han.

She thought of him laying there next to her, his fingers tangled in her hair. She thought of the hungry kisses she had never wanted to end. She thought of easy laughter and healing tears, of potent words and new openings.

She thought of the bed on Cloud City, and how they’d never have the chance now to find out if she’d regret it. She thought of his rending screams, of coils and needles and agonizing pain. Of Captain Orffa’s leers, her ripped shirt, his broken neck as he lay on the other side of the room. Of Vader’s hated mask, cold and merciless. Of throbbing rage. Of helpless grief.

Of finally saying “I love you.” Of the one she loved, turned to stone and torn away.

All the emotions she’d been trying to hold at bay rushed in. Her defenses crumpled, and the first tears came in like a flood, violent and inevitable. Burying her face in the pillow to muffle the sound, she wept, her body shaking with sobs. She wept until every breath came as a gasp; until she could no longer imagine what it was to not be weeping. She wept for Han, and for Alderaan, and for every loss in between. For a galaxy full of loss, cracked all the way through with the cruelty of it.

Long after her tears ran dry, she lay there, face still buried in the pillow—Han’s pillow—breathing in the scent of him. She wasn’t ready to let him go.

She wouldn’t let him go.

She would find him, somehow.

Slowly, exhaustion crept up on her, disarming her resistance just as her tears had done earlier. She gave into it with a mild sense of relief, letting her eyes close.

I don’t regret it, she thought as she began to drift off. Sleepy astonishment at the realization gave way to the certainty that she had always known this, somehow, despite her fears. I don’t regret loving him. Not one bit. As much as this hurt—and oh, how it hurt—she would gladly love him and lose him again.

Then sleep took her, carrying her far away into blessed nothingness.

~~~

She was woken up what felt like minutes later by the chime of her comm.

Lando’s voice was on the other end. “We’ve stopped at Terminus,” he said. “We need you up here to watch for Imperials while we search the ship for homing beacons. We’ve got her pretty well hidden behind a moon, but it’s a race against time until they find us.”

Trying to keep any bitterness out of her voice, she gave her consent and stumbled groggily toward the cockpit. Lando gave her a look when she arrived—she must have looked like hell, with red-rimmed eyes and smeared makeup—but to his credit he didn’t say anything, only giving her a nod on the way out. Chewie was already gone. She moved to sit in the co-pilot’s seat, but changed her mind halfway there, instead opting for the captain’s. Curling her legs beneath her, she leaned back into it, smelling its faded leather and a hint of old cologne. She scanned the starfield carefully, glancing at the sensor displays afterward for any signs she might have missed. There was nothing; only stars. On the other side of the moon, she knew, the sky would be filled with ships of all kinds. Terminus was a busy world; she hoped that, as such, it would distract the Empire long enough that they wouldn’t find the Falcon.

She shifted in her seat, anxious. Finding the homing beacon would likely take Chewie and Lando awhile—they had to suit up to examine the hull, after all—but she wished they would hurry and be done with it. Normally, this would have been made a much easier exercise by simply scanning the hull via the ship’s sensors, but the Empire had certainly disabled that function. Or rather, they probably just hadn’t bothered to fix it—it was, after all, one of the sensor systems that had been damaged during their escape from Hoth.

The minutes ticked by. Fifteen minutes passed, then half an hour. A light freighter moved into view. She stiffened, then relaxed again as it jumped to hyperspace moments later.

Forty-five minutes. Her eyelids drooped; she pinched her arm to stay awake.

Finally, she heard the door open behind her, and Chewie came in with a roar. «We found it,» he said. He was triumphant, but his voice was laced with sorrow. She knew enough of him now to hear it. She caught his gaze, and he sat down next to her. For a minute, they looked out on the emptiness together. «You should go back to bed, Little Princess,» he finally said, his voice gentle.

“You sure you don’t need sleep?” she whispered.

«I will,» he said, «but I have strength left to spare, and I was not hurt as badly as you. Go sleep.» She nodded and got up just as Lando came through the door. She didn’t look at him as they exchanged places. Hazily, she walked back to the crew quarters, fell in her bunk, and was once more lost in unconsciousness.

~~~

Leia’s eyes flickered open. How long had her comm been beeping? Yawning, she sat up, flipping on the light over her bunk, and froze as all the memories of the previous day flooded back in. The deep ache in her chest nearly knocked her over, and she fought off the urge to lay back down and forget everything again.

Luke. She had to make sure he was okay. She glanced over towards the other side of the room; there he lay, as still as a stone. Alarmed, she leapt out of bed and lurched over to check on him. His chest rose and fell, and she sighed in relief. He was in a deep sleep. That was good.

Feeling her heartbeat calm again, she sat back down on her bunk and answered her comlink. “Yes?” she croaked, her voice hoarse.

“Just wanted to let you know we’ve arrived at the Kaliida Nebula,” said Lando. “Whenever you’re able, I’ll let you take over and see if you can reach that contact of yours. Could use a little shut-eye myself.”

“Of course,” she said curtly. “I’ll be right there.”

When she arrived, Chewie was once again nowhere in sight. She felt a pang in her chest, thinking of his grief. At least, she thought, he was getting some sleep, too.

Lando nodded awkwardly to her as they switched places again and left without a word. For a minute, she stared at the glowing pink clouds outside the viewport. She knew he’d be just a comm away, but still, she was nervous. The nebula could be perilous. From time to time, it was home to migrating neebray mantas, which could do some serious damage to ships. Moreover, if the Empire had somehow found out about this checkpoint—

She felt her throat constricting and her heart pounding, and she stopped the thought short. Yes, the Empire had caught up with them a few too many times recently—she had good reason to be fearful of that. But she should be wary, not paranoid. This was the best chance they had to make contact with the Alliance. Straightening, she set a Rebel-coded message to broadcast at intervals to the surrounding parts of the nebula, then she took the Falcon on a leisurely tour through the cloud tunnels.

An hour later, she had a reply. It was also in Alliance code, and it gave her coordinates to meet nearby. She tensed. The Empire could have cracked that code since she was gone, they could have found out about this location, they could have—

She forced herself to breathe slowly. “Chewie,” she said into the comlink, “I’m making contact. I may need backup if it’s not who I think it is.”

The Wookiee yawned, but he didn’t hesitate. «I’m coming,» he said.

Soon both he and Lando joined her again in the cockpit. She felt bad that they’d only had an hour of sleep, but she supposed there was nothing to be done.

Well, mostly bad. She didn’t feel all that bad about Lando. As far as she was concerned, he could suffer. He sat behind her, keeping watch as she and Chewie maneuvered the ship to the meeting point.

Finally, the clouds in front of them parted, revealing an X-wing.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” the pilot whooped upon seeing their ship. “I was starting to think I’d never see that hunk of junk again! Is the princess there?”

Leia breathed a sigh of relief. “Hi, Wedge,” she said, transmitting the codes to confirm it was her.

“Good to hear your voice, Princess,” he said. “High command’s been going out of their minds. They figured if you survived, you’d make your way here. Lucky you found me now; they were beginning to think it was a lost cause. We probably wouldn’t have been patrolling out here much longer.”

“Thanks for waiting,” she said.

“Where’s ol’ Han?”

All the words seemed to dry up in her mouth, and she sat silent for a moment. “He’s gone,” she said finally, her voice quiet. Chewie let out a mournful wail.

She heard Wedge exhale. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice full of genuine grief. “Sending you the jump coordinates now.”

Within a few minutes, they’d left the bright clouds of the Kaliida Nebula behind and were headed home. It wasn’t truly home, of course—Home was Alderaan, and that was gone forever. These days, though, the Alliance had become the only home she could claim to have. But whatever familiarity it offered, it would be empty without Han.

“Hey,” Lando said from behind her, startling her. She didn’t turn around. “Chewie ’n I have been talking and…” he faltered for a moment, then he went on. “…We’re gonna find Han and bring him back. We’ll leave for Tatooine as soon as we can get fueled and ready.”

She leaned back in her seat. “You got a plan?”

Chewie responded. «We have some ideas, yes, but we wanted to talk with you and Luke and hear yours, too.»

Leia nodded slowly. “We’ll discuss it when we get there, after the briefings. I don’t want to put too much strain on Luke before then. He doesn’t even know what happened yet.”

“Sure thing,” said Lando.

She clenched her teeth to avoid telling him to shut up. Instead, she shifted her focus outside, watching the whirlwind starlight.

Somewhere out there, Han was trapped, but alive. And somehow, they would find him and bring him home.

A warmth grew inside her chest; the fire of hope.

[lurea]

Part 4: Love You, Darlin’ til the End

This is NOT NEW.  I just discovered, thanks to  @justanotheridijiton that this had been deleted by the tumblr-bots.  Prolly because of the swears.  I’ve removed them and again thanks to Mel, found the text on the Wayback Archive so I could replace it.  It had pics originally, but since this was written in 2013 or something ridiculous like that, I’ll have to do some spelunking to find them.  

I find in 2020, that I don’t actually agree with every detail that I rhapsodized about here...  But I do still agree with the premise, which was that 5.04 was sneakily planned and shot to give the impression that in the future Dean and Cas were in a relationship.  The suits (or someone) objected, which is why the line change happened....but they still left in the set dressing, the wardrobe and all the other small things that suggest they are together together.  On a recent re-watch, I mentally high-fived chuck-- “Of course, Cas is here!  He’s not going anywhere!”

I was amused to note Risa hiding the back corner, away from Cas, as well she should be, since she been messin’ around with Cas’s man.  

All the significant looks between Cas, and past and future Dean...  It’s a beautiful episode.  I still hope it’s where we are heading, in the real upcoming End.   We’ll see.  

To see the original pics, enter this link :  

https://lurea.tumblr.com/post/33015108069/5-04-loving-you-darling-till-the-end-future-dean

into the Wayback archive  and select April 5, 2019 from the date choices.  That should get you a snap of the original post.  

All right!  The End is here!   (see what I did there? hehehe)  

Part One         Part Two         Part Three  

Now?   Future!Dean returns from his mission.  And we have the LINE.  That line that precipitated this ridiculously long analysis of Future!Dean and Future!Cas.  And the camera shot: Future!Dean, Past!Dean turning to look at Cas, and Cas coming into focus.  Future!Dean is clearly referring to Past!Dean.  So why does Past!Dean turn to look at Cas?

Future!Dean: I’m not gonna lie to you. Me and him—It’s a pretty messed-up situation we got going. But believe me, when you need to know something, you will know it. Until then, we all have work to do.

Here is Past!Dean…confused, upset because Baby is broken, Bobby is dead, Cas is acting weird, he’s in the past, everything sucks, and now Future!Dean just cold-bloodedly shot a friend?  Shot one of his own men in the head.  Future!Dean yells something, and the armed men standing behind him all turn to stare…  To stare at something behind Past!Dean and to his left.  

So what does Past!Dean do?  He turns to look at whoever it is behind him that the camp folks are staring at.  Who is it?  Cas. That’s why the camera sweeps over Dean and lingers on Cas and brings him into focus.  The camera is the point of view.  The men hear Future!Dean talking blah blah something-something….but what they see is that obviously something is up with Cas.

Of course, the others are all staring at Cas.  Cas is the one that they know has a ‘messed-up  situation’ with the Fearless Leader.  They are NOT looking at Past!Dean.  

If armed men were staring at Dean, the last thing he would do would be to turn his back on them–his instincts are too good for that. He might smile disarmingly, he might make a thumbs up, or he might try to out-stare them, but he wouldn’t just not respond and turn away.  They’re staring at Cas and Past!Dean follows their line of sight and turns to look at Cas, too.  

Can we say it all together?  Because Dean and Cas are lovers and the WHOLE FREAKIN’ CAMP knows it.  

On to the meeting scene in that storage room.  The meeting scene makes it clear that Cas doesn’t always agree with Dean, that he speaks his opinion when he thinks it’s called for.  And can we talk about this?  Cas, sitting with his feet on the table?  No one else is even sitting at the table, much less putting their feet up on it.  No one else argues with Dean.  Those two things right there reflect Cas’ status.  

No one BUT a lover would so obviously stake a claim to their place at the table… to their TERRITORY, practically daring anyone else…like say, RISA… to push his feet aside and sit down.  Daring anyone else to take his place at Dean’s side.  

And Risa sure doesn’t, she stays to one side and doesn’t talk much.  In fact, she’s obviously pretty crushed by Future! Dean neither knowing or caring why she’s angry–Past Dean has to explain, and after that, Risa says very little.  Future Dean doesn’t address her feelings, or apologize or even ACKNOWLEDGE them.  Compare that to how he behaves when Future Cas pays attention to Past Dean–it’s a huge contrast.  

[ two pics of Cas sitting at the table, with future!Dean in background ]

Just look at the body language established in these two shots. Risa far to one side.  No one else at the table.  No one else coming between Cas and Dean.  There’s ONE other chair at this table and that ONE chair is for Dean.  Cas has the other chair.  Because there isn’t anyone else.  For either of them.

Cas, at one side of the table and Dean, at the other.  Cas, feet propped on his side.  Dean, leaning on his hands on his side.  The point of view for the second shot, having Dean almost framed by Cas’ legs…that is suggestive framing!  Very very suggestive framing, implying a romantic/sexual connection between the characters!!  I mean, they could have made it a tiny bit more blatant if Cas’ legs had been spread…  

But this is clear enough.  You get the vibe.  And that, in my opinion, is yet ANOTHER reason why The End is so profoundly unsettling and upsetting.  There’s so much hinted..so much tension… so much that goes unspoken…that you can’t even put into words why you’re so upset…  You just know that you are.  

Future!Dean, in turn, has his laser-like focus on Cas.  As I noted above, he barely talks to either Risa or Past!Dean.   When Past!Dean explains about Risa, he tersely tells him to shut up.  Who does he talk to?  Cas. And when he pulls out the Colt, where does he put it?  On the table by Cas.

When Cas chuckles at Past!Dean’s torture comment, Future!Dean gives Cas a look, questioning and definitely jealous.    

Cas responds…without Future!Dean even saying a word, because that’s just how well these lovers know each other.  That they can have whole conversations with just a couple of words…and a look.

“What? I like Past you!”  Cas sounds defensive.  Future!Dean flicks a quick glance at Past!Dean and then back to Cas, and drops his eyes.  His lips part briefly.  Again, he doesn’t say a word, but there’s certainly a sense that he is hurt and taken aback by Cas’ comment.  

Probably both he and Cas are thinking about the past.  In 2009, before they were lovers.  Before all they had was each other, before they were lost…  and broken.  Future!Dean spreads out the map on the table.  From that point, until after everyone else is gone, Future!Dean only speaks to one person: Cas.  

When he pulls out the map, where does he put it?  On the table by Cas.  He doesn’t even OFFER to let anyone else look at anything.  There’s only ONE person whose opinion that he wants, that he has any questions for…and that person is Cas. He lets Cas criticize his plan, he lets Cas make snarky comments.  He asks Cas if he’s saying that his plan is reckless.  He stares into Cas’ eyes fiercely, ignoring everyone and everything else in the room.  And then he asks his most important question.

[ close up of jealous future!Dean ]

Dean: Are you coming?

Future Dean acts this way because he doesn’t care about Cas? Pfffft.  He asks this BECAUSE he cares about Cas.  Because he loves Cas, he wants Cas, he NEEDS Cas.  He also needs to kill the devil.  He also knows it’ll probably kill both of them.  It’s not simple, people.  Love never is.  

And if Cas had said “No” here, I think it would have broken him.  I think that’s how much Cas means to him.

Cas:  Of course.

And then…    Oh yes!  There is a Past!Dean reaction shot. So much has zoomed by him and most of it is subtext…most of it is unspoken.  But it’s clear (to me) that there is a lot going on in this episode that no one wanted Past!Dean to know.  That they didn’t want to explain the whole messy long tragic business of how they got from there…to here.  How they ended up in this crazy, punishing, clamps and feathers relationship, that doesn’t seem like it will lead them anywhere except to death.  

But this reaction shot?  Oh, Past!Dean gets it now.  Future!Dean’s expressions, their interactions….he gets it.  And this is another thread that will lead us right back to the present…and the name of that thread is Don’t ever change, Cas.  

But that’s a lie..  And it’s a lie that Dean will see for himself soon enough, because you can’t stop change, you can’t keep things the same and sometimes you can’t fight fate.  

I’d like to believe that these Future Dean and Future Cas managed to have some tender make-up sex before they leave. Or even rough fast sex. But I doubt it.  *sniff*  The meeting scene goes quickly because Dean and Cas have already had this argument about the goal of killing Lucifer.   Dean is not backing down, so Cas does.  Because Cas loves Dean, and if Dean decides that this is it, then that’s the way Cas rolls.

It’s significant that as soon as they are alone in the car, THAT is the time that Past Dean decides to start questioning Cas.  It’s no coincidence that he’s asking questions now after that reaction shot in the meeting scene.  He even mentions “love guru crap” which is as close as we’re going to get Dean asking about why Future Dean and Future Cas have this weird intensity between them.  

And in the truck is where we have the line that should have been this:  

Cas:  The only thing that I think we have left, Dean and me, is each other. If Dean says that it’s time to go out in a blaze of glory, win or lose, so be it, I’m in.  But then…(smiles easily) that’s just how I roll.  

Changed to this:

Cas: And now I’m powerless. I’m hapless, I’m hopeless. I mean, why the hell not bury myself in women and decadence, right? It’s the end, baby. That’s what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out? But then that’s, that’s just how I roll.

Let’s look at how much this changes the vibe and interpretation of Dean and Cas’ relationship.  

In the original line, the only relationship mentioned or referenced is the one between Dean and Cas.  Which is appropriate, because we KNOW it’s an important relationship, we’ve spent all this blankety- blank time building it and developing it, and it’s the subtle undercurrent that infuses this ENTIRE EPISODE.  

But the changed line drops that and tosses in a throwaway reference to Cas having sex with women.  

The first line states that Dean is the cause that Cas orders his life by.  Just like Meg tells us in season 7.   Cas isn’t despairing…Cas has found the person he loves, the person that he serves, and he’s happy with that.  Maybe he wishes that some things could be different, but he is following Dean and that’s the way he was meant to be.  

In the second line, Cas is 'hopeless’…he is 'hapless’.  He’s just waiting for the lights to go out.  Instead of having found peace and love in being with the person that he was meant to be with, he is suicidal.  

Think about that, and get pissed off with me.  Instead of being in a loving relationship, Cas is suicidal.  You want queer baiting?  That’s blankety-blank queer baiting!  

This pisses me off.  I love The End, don’t get me wrong, but it pisses me off that such a beautifully constructed episode would have gotten derailed, and its message diluted because of someone’s stupid homophobia.  Someone that is not Ben Edlund (who wrote it) OR Jeremy Carver (who wrote “Free”).  Because as Mark Shepard said so admirably, it’s time we grew up about LGT issues.  

Because that’s got to be the reason.  Suddenly instead of Cas’ and Dean’s relationship being the focus, we’re talking about Cas having group sex.  Instead of Cas making the commitment to follow Dean.. wherever it leads them. …  Cas is suicidal and just waiting to die.  

Now several others have pointed out different interpretations of that line to me…and a couple of points…I don’t believe that Dean and Cas in the future are mere puppets of Zachariah and so not truly Dean and Cas.  There are too many other times where Dean and Cas show End!verse symptoms (Cas getting drunk, torturing having a negative effect on Dean) that make it clear to me that they are being true to their characters.  

But others also pointed out that the first line just isn’t depressing enough for what they wanted the episode to convey–which is, Dean’s worst nightmare.  Outpastthemoat says it pretty well–that the new line better destroys any remaining hope that Dean might have about whether he could be good for Cas, whether he is right to continue to say No to Michael, and so on.  

That is certainly true..but I still like the old line better.  I mean, seriously, they do all still end up dead!  That’s pretty depressing to me! (sulks)  

Look, say…believe… whatever you like about Dean and Cas, but this line is proof that The End was originally intended –beyond a shadow of a doubt!– to establish that Dean and Cas are in love and have been lovers.  

And again, it’s no coincidence that this episode followed “Free to be you and me,” which explored Dean and Cas’ considerable romantic chemistry and attraction.  "Free" is the journey…but “The End” is the destination.

(insert one moment of absolute fangirl squealing because with Carver at the helm and The End verse already established as our destination, folks, the probability of Dean/Cas becoming unequivocally canon just shot way way up!)

deep breath

But anyway, back to Past Dean, in the truck with Future Cas.  And his efforts to pry and find out what is going on between Dean and Cas in the future.  If we’d had our line (fumes) it would have been clear.  But instead, we have some misdirection.  But that’s all right.  It might frustrate things for us, the audience.  But it doesn’t change anything for Past Dean.  

Because Past Dean didn’t start questioning until he noticed how Future Dean behaved toward Cas.  And Dean knows himself.  

He knows his lying expressions.  He knows his loving expressions.  And his jealous ones.  He knows.  That’s why he separates out Cas when he asks Future Dean if he was going to put his friends through a meat grinder…and Cas too?  

Because Past! Dean knows that Future Dean loves Cas.  He’s hoping that that pointing out that Cas will die will get through to Future Dean like nothing else could.

And it does.  Future Dean looks away.  He has to look away.  And that…that is when Past Dean says..   “Oh man, something is broken in you.”  Because he can see that Future Dean loves Cas, and Future Dean is still going to go through with this plan.  

Future! Dean– when he is talking to past!Dean?  This is not the face of someone who doesn’t care.

[pic of sad future!Dean ]

Okay, this next bit is admittedly speculation.  But it does mesh well with the patterns of behavior that we’ve seen before from Dean.  

So why has Future Dean been behaving in such a chilly manner?  We get a flash of emotion when Cas laughs at Past Dean, another when Past Dean says “You’re broken,” but not much more.  Why?  

Oh, I do think Dean actually loves Cas as much as he is able,  I think Past Dean saw that as well, which is why he makes the comments that he makes.  And Future Dean is chilly because he loves Cas.  

So he’s not sharing a vehicle with Cas on the ride to their last mission.   That’s probably why he precipitated my theoretical argument between them.  Why he hasn’t been sleeping with Cas in the cabin that they share.  

Because it’s going to hurt to let Cas die for this plan, but it has to be done.   So Future Dean will do it, and he’s not planning on living through this either.  

But there’s only so much that he can take, and he can’t be Cas’ lover, ride with Cas in the car, interact with Cas, knowing what he knows.  So he shuts those feelings away so that he can get through it.  

But this face?  Not the face of someone who doesn’t care.

[ pic of sad future!Dean, leaning against the car, before heading in ]

That’s the face of someone hurting, who is trying to hide it.  Because that’s what Dean does, past and present.  He denies.  He avoids.  He represses.  And the fact that he’s doing all these things here, in this episode, when everything and everyone else in the episode suggest that Cas and Dean are very very close…   It means that yes, there IS something to repress.  He HAS to repress it.  That coldness…is because it’s the only way that he can cope.  

Blah, blah, Lucifer.  Not interested in this part and I’m sure someone else has done a wonderful meta on it.  :)  

Let’s talk about what happens when past!Dean returns to 2009, and Zachariah threatens him.  And who saves Dean?  Cas.  We and Dean, were expecting Cas to show up at the hotel.  Obviously, Cas sensed Zachariah’s presence with Dean, and rescued Dean.  (Does he brag? Does he say, saved your ass yet again, Winchester?  Nope. Gosh, Cas you are awesome. You deserve a hug.)

Dean: That’s some pretty nice timing, Cas.

Cas: We had an appointment.

Dean: Don’t ever change. 

[ pic of Cas looking snackalicious ]

Don’t ever change.  Don’t get broken.  Don’t become addicted.  Don’t bury yourself in physical sensations to make up for the pain of all the losses that you suffered because of me.  

Don’t fall in love with me, Cas, because I’m broken and I’m not good for you.  

Dean is extremely shaken by his experiences in the End Verse.  He’s so shaken that he reaches out and touches Cas tenderly…lovingly.  He reunites with Sam.  All in an effort to keep himself from become the cold, broken man he saw in 2014.  And it was The End that led us directly to 99 Problems and Point of No Return and Dean’s decision to say YES to Michael.

Which he doesn’t end up doing, after all.  And let’s take a quick glance forward, where Dean spent most of last season quite openly and obviously mourning for Cas.  Because he loves him.  Because despite everything that happened in The End, despite all those clear-as-day warnings, Dean still fell in love with Cas.  

Maybe it was too late then.  It’s too late, always was, always will be…. Too late, once he’d laid a hand on him and pulled him out of hell.  

Because.. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up–here.  

Because…  Destiny can’t be changed, and all roads lead to the same destination.

Here, in this post-Apocalypse where the only thing that Cas thinks they have left.. is each other.

sigh

So let’s review:

The sets, especially the large cabin that we find Cas in:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Chuck’s and Risa’s reactions:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Cas’ dialogue, esp. the  "gotten over trying to label me" bit:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Future!Dean’s dialogue and focus on Cas: Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Cas’ body language: Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Their wardrobe: Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

The way their shots are framed and filmed:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

The reaction shot of the armed men and Past!Dean turning to look at Cas: Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

The original dialogue from the truck scene:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

One last thought and then I’ll shut up.  

Who does Past!Dean look at in the photo at Bobby’s?  Cas

Who does Past!Dean go to see first?  Cas

Whose side of the table is past!Dean standing on?  Cas

Who does Past!Dean ride with to the mission and question about his past and seem extremely interested in?  Cas

Who does Past!Dean attempt to save from Future!Dean’s suicide plan? Cas

For Dean, past and present, it’s Cas Cas Cas Cas….

And for Cas, past and present, it’s Dean Dean Dean….  

Just shut up and kiss already, you two!  

Snatch a little bit of happiness before we get to The End.  Please?

Please?