#yes sir keep rambling about your discoveries

[riachuelowii]

I am playing through the Sith Inquisitor story class and let me tell you, I'd die for Talos Drellik, no one is allowed to harm this guy. Do NOT touch this archaeology nerd of a man

[papakhan]

good sir, may i ask for eighteen, four (anyone of your choosing), and twenty (understandable if twenty is too personal though so no pressure), and a twenty one if you feel up to it? happy pride ^^

From this!

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

Kind of depends on the character like Most of them I do give specific identities and labels for my own organisation but some of my smaller background characters I leave open until I decide to develop them more.

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

For Fleabag the wider Khans are supportive like the people in charge like Jack/Diane Papa and Regis but their immediate family and circle being reactionary New Khans are not. Fleabag didn't want to leave them but kind of had to for their own peace.

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

YES well maybe not my ocs but imagining Papa being trans definitely did help me out and also having ocs who are bi just made me feel more confident. In general yeah they helped me a lot esp when I was going through some shit that made me feel like my identity was evil and ruining my life having funny little guys in my head or in my sketchbook who were the same as me made me feel better

21. Free ramble card wee

Hmmm this is less of a ramble more of a rant but I think more people should have fun with gender in the wasteland because there's a lot of potential for fun and new weird gender experiences when the government has fully broken down, and the gender presentations that might arise when you can just assume a new identity and move cities and start again and there's no government sticking a F or M on your licence. I don't know about you guys but the government is the one stopping me from transitioning the way I'd like and if they got blown up alongside traditional societal expectations I'd present myself differently. And I understand the merits of ""making this trans character experience the transphobia of our world because that's what I go through"" Obviously because I have Fleabag and other characters who do go through the rough family relations I go through. But I think some people are sooo dedicated to making the ENTIRE wasteland miserable where EVERYONE is transphobic and there's no HRT anywhere and there's not a dissection of the transphobia it's just misery for the sake of misery like "oooh doc Mitchell says 'not the name I'd have picked for you' as a microaggression against your transgender courier" is the worst take I've ever seen and I'm just tired of it. It's just not fun. Why is it funny to make characters transphobic now? Sure there's factions who'd obviously be transphobic in the wasteland like the Legion or BOS or NCR frontlines but does it HAVE to be EVERYONE? good grief The way I write the Khan's development regarding trans people and is partly a spiteful kickback of all the "realistic transphobia" I see in so much fallout art/writing about trans characters. Tbh it had gotten a lot better lately but I do remember the big argument everyone had on here a few years ago. Something about autodocs making transition "too easy" or something. In my lore the Khans only survived because of the queer community hidden in the New Khans. Transition was hard for Fleabag due to their poor support circle and I like to explore their internalised struggle and how they learnt to be themself and love themself and it wasn't easy and it didn't go to plan and they still don't have closure about their dad but they did it.. I guess people still do give me shit for making Papa trans but I don't care about that. Anyway I encourage people to have more fun with wasteland gender and be weirder about it. If Khans pick a new name when they go through their initiation rite then why not pick a new gender too? The Followers what are they doing they're anarchists they're talking about the gender spectrum! BUTCH KINGS!! What about ghouls how do people hundreds of years old perceive their gender? OR SUPER MUTANTS.. there sooo much potential with super mutant gender. I want Vault Dwellers who escape the rigid gender structure of their vaults and discovering a beautiful world where yes life is harder but you can be yourself. Intersex people aren't forced to have surgery and just live their lives. I want raiders who don't care about gender and only care about being cool and dangerous. I want drag in Vegas. I want implants from Dr Usanagi that deliver HRT into my bloodstream long-term. I want the Followers to have an empty box on their paperwork for their patients to explain their gender. I want genderfluid super mutants. Do you understand my vision? Peace and love on planet earth <3

[sneezydarliing]

hello!! i haven’t interacted with your blog much but i just rolled in from the last tigh//nari post you wrote (so good!) and saw you might be looking for requests? i’m still really nervous asking and not sure what i’m doing so no offense taken if you disregard!

anyway, i’d love to read some cy/no content? if you’re along w any ships (cynari, haino, etc) that’s totally cool. maybe like a [plant/flower] allergy situation when he visits the forest?

hope you’re well and thanks for sharing content <3

Thank you so much for the req!! I'm sorry for the wait, I really hope you enjoy!

reqs are open

Pairing: cynari

Words: 1044

CW/TW: sneezing content, mention of mess

Cyno had not anticipated anything special out of this trip to the forest. He was going only to see Tighnari- who had excitedly informed him of a new discovery made deep into the forest watcher’s patrolling area. The look on his friend’s face, combined with the eager swishing of his tail behind him, was more than enough convincing to get the mahamntra to venture into the greenery.

It’s quiet as he pads along the roughly and hastily made trail, leaving him with his own thoughts- excitement to see tighnari again, listen to him ramble on about whatever he had found, a slight apprehension at the possibility of this being dangerous- not that either of them could not hold their own, but tighnari was often so eager to research that he did not stop to think about any possible consequences to himself, and he hated seeing him in pain. Muddled in with these feelings, a slight but sudden itch in the back of his nose. He presses a knuckle against the side of it absentmindedly, just as a pair of ears perking up quickly catches his attention.

“You made it!” Tighnari calls out to him, tredging through ankle-deep tangles of weeds to meet him. There’s a smudge of dirt on his cheek, and a tangle in his usual well-kept tail. As Cyno nods his greeting, he cannot help but wonder how long he’s been out here. The other seems to be aware of it, occasionally flicking the appendage about in absent-minded frustration.

Tighnari leads him further into the forest, happily rambling on about the things they pass by and what his research has granted so far. Cyno can’t get himself to focus, the itch in his sinus suddenly alight, forcing his breath to hitch just once before calming again. He can almost feel Tighnari’s concerned frown, but he decides to keep quiet about it for now, to Cyno’s gratitude.

Suddenly, he’s stopped. Tighnari moves to the side, looking at Cyno with pride clear in his eyes. He’s meet with the sight of a large, blooming flower, encased in golden vines that seem almost-conscious, twitching at any movement around them. “I haven’t been able to touch it yet, and my elemental attacks have no effect. That’s why I brought you out here, I was hoping maybe electrical- Cyno?” His ramblings cease as he catches sight of him, hands cupped loosely in front of his face, usually serious expression crumpled into one of desperation as he fights off the need uselessly, breath stuttering until he can no longer fight it.

‘hEh-itSH! ‘tShi! hiH-” The third one is lost, leaving him sniffling, trying to rub the irritation out of his sinuses. “Archons, bless you! Are you feeling alright?” Cyno sniffles uselessly again, trying to will some of the congestion out of his voice before he speaks.

“I’m fine. You can romaine calm.” Tighnari groans in response. “You must be, if you’ve got the energy to make jokes. Anyways, can you try to hit ones of the vines with your elemental attack? Be gentle, please, and don’t damage the plant itself.” Cyno nods, saluting in a ‘yes sir’ gesture, as he prepares to follow instructions. He presses the back of his hand to his nose, scrunching up the appendage as he aims carefully. But he was unable to fight against his body and control it at once, sent foreward with another flurry of sneezes the moment he releases the energy, causing it to be sent foreward towards the flower. It’s reaction was instant, sending out a shower of pollen before curling into a ball, vines wound around it tightly. Cyno faintly hears a noise of frustration come from Tighnari, but he can’t focus, paralyzed with the awful tickle that came as the pollen surrounded him. He was in the direct line of fire, and he felt it, nostrils feeling alight as his eyes watered, he couldn’t even fight it, thrown into a desperate fit.

“haH’TSCHhi- KSHhiew! hih- hidT’SHHih! ‘idtSHhiew- sCHih!” They tore at his throat, raw and painful as his body tried desperately to release all of the pollen. He felt almost embarrassed, unable to do anything as Tighnari watched helplessly. “tignarihHh-tSHhi!” Even just his name seemed to break his stupor, the fox-tailed man rushing over and grabbing Cyno’s arm, bringing him somewhere- he could not even keep his eyes open long enough to tell, the lower half of his face buried in an arm he threw up to avoid spraying the other. He felt himself be gently led into a sitting position, half aware of the sun now beaming down on them.

His breath caught, leaving him helpless into a rough fit of coughing that didn’t seem to let him. He felt Tighnari’s hand on his back, rubbing comforting circles as he whispered encouraging phrases until the coughing finally let up. He leaned back against Tighnari, unable to resist the need to catch his breath. His face was wet with tears, nose running onto his upper lip. He roughly cleaned it up with the back of his wrist.

“There you go, you’re okay. Any trouble breathing?” Came the soft voice next to Cyno, reminding him suddenly of his blunder. Tighnari had been so eager to research, and he had messed it up. Guilt shot through him. “Sorry, ‘nari.” He pawed at his nose again while he spoke.

“It’s alright. I can bring somebody else another day.” Tighnari soothed, hands beginning to card through the others' hair. “Right now, we need to get you cleaned up. The pollen on your clothes won’t do you any good.” he stood quickly, reaching out a hand to Cyno, but he was distracted with the need to sneeze once again, raising a shaky hand in warning.

“hIh’tSChih!i’tsCHuh!” He sniffled once more as Tighnari waited patiently, before taking the hand offered to him, letting himself be pulled onto his feet.

“Hey, ‘Nari?” The forest watcher turned back to face him, “What is it?” “I’m very frond of you.” Tighnari huffed, turning back around and beginning to stalk off, stopping only a few paces in front of him. “I love you, too, Cyno.” Mahamatra grinned, catching up to his partner as they began the trek home, punctuated with the occasional sneezes.

[skylarmoon71]

Bumblebee x Reader Fanfiction (Transformers): Chapter 2

“Alright mom I heard you the first time. “

She really was protective. Most afternoons you had to talk her into even letting you go out. Coming home that night after your discovery, well you supposed she got suspicious to why you’d been so strangely quiet. Now sometimes it’s like she was watching you like a hawk.

“Don’t be all hours either young lady. I don’t want to have to come looking for you.” you grumbled.

“Okay okay I won’t.” you grabbed your bike, taking off. Riding in the afternoon was your stress reliever. A way to forget about the weight of everything and just relax. The car that beeped at you made you stop. You pulled off to the side, searching for some type of insignia. You sighed when you realized what was going on.

“Damn, they made me paranoid. “

Sam knew he couldn’t pretend you hadn’t seen what you did that night, so he told you everything. Autobots, Cybertron and of course Decepticons. You swore you saw one a couple times, but you realized you were just overthinking. He didn’t sugarcoat it either. They weren’t like the Autobots, and the unfortunate situation where you would meet one, you could only guess that he wanted you to be prepared. 

Getting back on the bike, you started pedaling, a bit distracting. It was a bit immature, but you were avoiding Sam. Whenever you had to leave you always took the long route, just to stay away from his house. It was petty, and it wasn’t like he’d meant for you to find out. Everything would have been fine if you’d just mind your own business, but you couldn’t help it. 

Now you were just...terrified.

“Aliens..”

You felt bad for laughing at some of the theorists out there. If a planet with giant robots exists, who knows what else did. The possibilities, that’s what really scared you. The unknown.

“I’m a coward.”

Sam was literally your age, but from the way he spoke, he’d already been through so much, yet he didn't seem phased. All you did was find out, and you were already running for the hills. Your gaze shifted when you saw a flash of black and yellow from your peripheral view. You squinted, still steering your bike ahead. Glancing behind slightly, you huffed. You weren’t imagining it. Making a sharp turn, you swing down a familiar street. Passing a few houses you realize the car was not far behind.

It went on like that for a while, and when you got to the huge abandoned building, your bike tires screeched as you came to an abrupt stop, facing the yellow Camaro that pulled up right in front of you. 

You stumbled off the bike, taking steps back. Bumblebee must have noticed your unease, because he started shifting, the gears of the car turning as he stood upright. That form didn’t bring you much more comfort, just added to your inner turmoil.

“I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise.” 

The clicking of his radio station always seemed to catch you a little off guard. Another piece of technology you’d probably be paranoid about.

“Why are you following me..” you were beyond scared, and he raised his hands in the air to show no ill intent.

“Optimus said. Keep an eye on her. We have to be safe. Humans can be just as deceptive.”

Optimus, another Autobot. Another alien. Your hands were firmly at your sides, and despite your best efforts to seem strong, you were trembling. You hated it, the way you felt now. Helpless, weak, scared. Bumblebee was still gazing at you inquisitively. He took a step forward, and the vibrations ran all the way to your feet, up your body. You didn’t move, felt like you weren’t even breathing. He just kept moving forward, and when his hand reached out, you closed your eyes tightly. 

The feel of metal on your cheek is what knocks you out of your shock. You were so sure he would attack or something. But as you stared back into the glowing blue eyes, you couldn’t see even a hint of malice. There was almost affection in his robotic gaze.

“You’re pretty.” you blinked, and he must have realized what came out the radio. He yanked back his hand so quickly, backing away so crazily that he fell unto his butt. Even when he was down, the radio kept switching.

“Abort, abort mission soldier!”

For a while you couldn’t do much as he tried to pull himself together. It was a bit comedic. It’s then it really hits you. If he wanted to cause harm, he would have done it by now. He could have at any time.

“He’s not gonna hurt me.” It is an unconscious thought, but you’re starting to realize it’s true.

You couldn’t even remember why you were scared. The static ramblings made you smile.

“He’s...kind of cute.”

Bumblebee noticed the smile that was now playing on your lips, and he lowered his hands, titling his head.

“Can we..be friends.” you didn’t expect him to say that, not at all. Especially after you’d been looking at him like he was some kind of monster, treating him like one too.

“You wanna be my friend?” he nodded excitedly.

“Yes sir.” An authoritative voice answered from his radio.

“Friends.”

He wasn’t a monster, far from it. He may not have been human, but he was still a being with feelings. You understood that now.

“I’d really like that Bumblebee.” The glow in his eyes got brighter, and he jumped to his feet, causing tremors to rock the ground. You stumbled, and he reached out to steady you. You grabbed unto his metal arm, and he scratched his head with the free hand.

“Sorry.” you shook your head, giggling softly.

“It’s okay.”

This would surely be an interesting friendship.

[trashyswitch]

Glam Times With Freddy

Gregory had quickly discovered that Glam Freddy was a loving robot rather than a killer robot. In an attempt to play with him and get to know him: Gregory discovers that the technology of the 2000's had gotten so advanced that Glam Freddy had been given special features similar to humans! One such: reaction to touch.

This fanfic is for @planet--venus. I hope you enjoy, my special owl!

Gregory stared out the small crack in the confined space to make sure the security guard didn’t find him. He was so nervous that the security guard would find him and get him in trouble. All he wanted was a free day of fun without long lines and crowded rooms. And what did he end up getting? A frightful night filled with animatronics that wanna kill him, and a security guard who he swears is secretly evil.

Well...the animatronic part wasn’t entirely true…

Gregory took a break from looking through the piggy hole and looked around at the orange space he was hiding in. It was small, but surprisingly more spacious than he expected. It was nice of the Freddy bear robot to let him hide here. He would’ve been caught if it weren’t for him.

He was happy to know there was at least one sparing robot.

Soon, the robot started to speak. “You doing okay there, pal?” Freddy asked.

Gregory nodded and hummed. “Mhm.”

“I think she’s gone. Would ya like to stretch your legs?” Freddy asked him.

Gregory took one last look at the mall through the piggy hole before finally agreeing. “Okay.”

Freddy opened up his orange stomach compartment and watched as Gregory climbed out. Gregory got himself back up and looked up at Freddy with a smile. “Thank you Mr. Freddy!” Gregory told him.

“You’re welcome, little bud!” Freddy knelt himself down on one knee in front of Gregory and held out a hand. “Could you please tell me your name?” He asked.

The kid smiled. “I’m Gregory.”

Freddy placed his hand onto his own knee and looked down a moment to process the name. Then, he looked up at the kid again. “Gregory! I like it!” Freddy reacted. Then, he stood up and held out his hand again. “Would Gregory like to go on a walk with me in my stomach compartment?” Freddy asked him.

Gregory widened his eyes and smiled excitedly. This was beginning to become a dream come true! “YES!” Greg quickly covered his mouth. He looked up at Freddy and nodded his head in slight embarrassment and worry.

Freddy opened up his stomach compartment and let Gregory hold onto his orange finger for balance. Gregory hopped back into the stomach and watched as the door cover closed to only let in a small amount of light through the piggy hole.

“All aboard the Super Glam Freddy Ride! Please keep all hands and feet inside the compartment at all times, and feel free to enjoy our joyous view from the smallest hole in history provided to you by Fazbear Entertainment!” Freddy announced as he poked the piggy hole.

Gregory giggled at the silly announcement and bursted out laughing at Freddy’s poke to the hole.

“Now on your left, we have Monty’s gigantic staaaAAAAGH!” Freddy jumped and grabbed his stomach. He looked down at Gregory. “Why are you poking me?” The animatronic asked.

Gregory giggled. “You poked me first!”

“I didn’t poke you, I poked my own belly.” Freddy mentioned.

Gregory just smiled and poked the inside of the belly again. Glam Fred jumped again and actually yelped in surprise! Upon hearing that, Gregory bursted out laughing!

“Hey! Quit doing that!” Glam Freddy ordered.

“But it’s fun!” Gregory reacted as he started rubbing the orange stomach walls. “And you feel so smooth!”

Freddy quickly covered his mouth and leaned against the nearest wall. “S-Stahahap!” Glam Freddy ordered. “Ihihis thihis nehehessessahahary?!” He asked.

Gregory didn’t really understand why Freddy was giggling and moving around at first. But, he wasn’t complaining in the least bit. Gregory moved to the other side of the belly compartment and felt the right side and the front of his belly with his palms.

Freddy quickly started tittering and leaned over with his arm across his stomach. This caused Gregory’s body to belly flop into the compartment door! The kid let out a surprised “Ouch!” as he pushed his head up a little. “Mr. Fred sir?”

“Hehehe- Huh?” Freddy looked down at his stomach and widened his eyes as he realized what had happened! He pulled himself back onto his feet again and listened as Gregory’s body flopped onto the ground of the stomach. “You okay there buddy?” He asked.

“I’m okay!” Gregory declared with a giggle. “Are you ticklish, Mr. Freddy?”

Freddy tilted his head. Ticklish?

Gregory didn’t end up with an answer. So, he tested it out himself: Gregory rubbed his hands around the compartment walls and let his hands move across the smooth, bright, hidden surface.

Freddy let out a surprised shriek and guffawed! “HAHAhahaha! Whahahat- NOHOHOHO WHAHAHAT IHIHIS THIHIHIHIS?!” Freddy shouted.

Gregory smiled excitedly, revealing a missing tooth. “Hey! You ARE ticklish!” Gregory declared.

Freddy’s hands were turned into tight fists while his one foot was tapping rapidly in an attempt to handle such strange feelings. Why did the kid feel the need to touch his belly?! And why did his touching feel so weird?! Is this normal?! Or was it a glitch? And if it were, why wasn’t it discovered during the testing period?!

“WhoOoOoOoOa! YoOou’s shaAaAaking around a LOoOt!” Gregory reacted, moving his voice up and down with Freddy’s wobbly movements.

Freddy was shaking, vibrating, and jumping around absolutely everywhere. He couldn’t keep himself still! He felt an overwhelming need to move around and shake all the wiggles and giggles right out of him! But the more he felt the kid’s hands, the more he wanted to wiggle and squirm!

Gregory was struggling from inside the compartment. Freddy’s constant moving and jiggling was making him dizzy and off balanced. In an attempt to get control of himself, Gregory pushed his knees and feet into the other side of the compartment.

Freddy froze up like a deer in headlights for only a second or two...before SQUEALING! “GREHEHEHEHEGOHORY BUHUHUDDYYYY!” Freddy had completely EXPLODED with plenty of quick movements and laughter! He tapped both his feet against the ground like a rabbit and finally leaned over and held his stomach before flopping onto his side.

Of course, this caused Greg to lose his leg grip and flop against the left side of the compartment. Thankfully, Gregory was not hurt. But unfortunately, this lack of injury would allow Gregory the time to grow mischievous and evil…

“Ooooh Freeedyyyy~?” Gregory called.

“Y-Yes? Are you O-Okay?” Freddy replied, hoping he didn’t hurt him.

“I’m fine! But yoooouuu...are in trouble~” Gregory started teasing.

Freddy widened his eyes. Oh NO! He was right! He IS in trouble! He’s gonna get deactivated for nearly injuring a child!

But all those worries about getting deactivated, quickly got thrown out the window the moment he felt the child’s hands tickling and spidering all over different spots in his belly compartment. Freddy guffawed and let loose all his laughter! He had quickly started kicking his feet and rolling around on the floor as he laughed, cackled and giggled to his heart’s content.

Gregory was ecstatic! The fact that such a large bear could be reduced to a big puddle of giggles and laughs, was mind-blowing to the kid! He knew all about the programming capabilities from playing video games and AI simulation games, but seeing this was just strange! And yet also exciting!

“GREHEHEHEHEG! YOHOHOHOU’RE KIHIHIHILLIHING MEHEHEHE!” Freddy yelled to him.

Gregory just laughed at that. “You can’t die! You’re a robot!”

Freddy held his stomach tightly as he realized Gregory was right. He couldn’t die. He can barely even overload! His hard drive was built to handle tons of action without overheating. So it would be a while till he started overheating from too much movement or thoughts.

Suddenly, a figure showed up in the corner of his eye! It looked like a bunny ear! Freddy looked towards it and desperately held his hand out. “HEHEHEHELP MEEEHEHEHE!”

The bunny looked like it had been skipping around the mall before it found him. Now, the bunny was just staring at Glam Freddy with its cheerful, yet dead-looking eyes.

Meanwhile, Gregory was just giggling at Freddy’s pleas. “Help you? Why help you when tickling you is more fun?” Gregory declared.

“HAHAHAHAHAhahaha! MEHEHEHEANIHIHIE!” Freddy yelled at him.

“Hey! No mean names!” Greg ordered. “Bad bear.” Gregory stopped tickling and finished off with a poke to the top of Freddy’s compartment. Freddy jumped again before finally falling limp. Freddy’s AI was rambling on and on from all the touch stimulation he just experienced. It wouldn’t stop going! It was like the codes were running super behind and were desperately trying to catch up.

Gregory soon knocked on the compartment wall again, surprising Freddy by accident. “Can I get out now?” The kid asked.

Freddy giggled at both the tickly knock and the kid’s question. It was just like him to get bored. If it weren’t for the discovery of Freddy’s ticklishness, Gregory would’ve gotten bored long ago.

Freddy nodded and opened up the compartment door. Out rolled Gregory, landing on his back with a big smile on his face. “That was fun!”

Freddy chuckled. “Fun for you.”

Greg tilted his head. “You didn’t like it?”

Freddy blinked in surprise. “I did, but I was worried I’d hurt you.”

Gregory smiled. “I’m not hurt. I’m fine! See?” Gregory stood up and presented himself proudly. But his pride quickly turned to fear as he realized there was a white bunny standing right behind Freddy. Gregory slowly started taking steps away from the two beings. The bunny looked evil and deceiving...and he didn’t want to fall into its trap.

Quickly, Gregory hid himself behind a pot and waited for the bunny to skip itself away. He listened for an interaction between the bunny and the bear.

“Hello Mr. Bunny! How are you this fine e-EEK! Uh oh! Wait! M-Mr. Bunny let’s talk about thihihis- HAHAHAHAhahahaha!”

Gregory widened his eyes and turned to peek at the scene. What in the world was happening? Gregory slowly smiled as he watched the scene:

Freddy was pushing his hands against the bunny’s shoulders while the bunny was skittering its white paws all over Freddy’s belly. He could guess that the bunny had been watching the scene from before and decided to test it out!

“Stahahahap ihihihihihit! Nahahat yohohohou toohohohoho!” Freddy begged.

To make things worse, the bunny had moved one of its fingers to his chin and started scratching there. Freddy let out lots of higher-pitched giggles and scrunched up his arms against his chest. The bear even started tapping his foot! And the further back the finger scratched on the chin, the faster Freddy’s foot would tap! “Stahahahahahap ihihihit tihihihicklehehehes thehehehehere!” Freddy tried to talk. But you could tell the words were coming out filled with giggles and not really making sense.

Not only that, but Freddy wasn’t even moving his chin away from the finger!

Finally, the bunny moved its paws over to the tapping foot and lifted it up a little. Curiously, the bunny fluttered a single finger on the bottom of Freddy’s foot. And WOW, did Freddy ever SCREECH! The bear was so taken back by the strong ticklish sensation he felt, that he nearly kicked the bunny in the face!

The bunny quickly jumped back to avoid injury, and looked at Freddy from afar. The bunny took the moment to scratch its head, almost as if it was confused.

Freddy looked back at the bunny awkwardly. “Yeah...sorry about that. My sensors are very strange.” Freddy admitted.

The bunny stared at Glam Freddy for a little longer. But right as it started to turn around and leave, Freddy started to wonder something: “Do you have sensors too?” The bunny turned bacl to face Freddy and was suddenly bombarded with pokes from Glam Freddy.

Suddenly, the bunny threw its paws out to defend itself and tried to push Freddy’s hands away. Gregory gasped quietly as Freddy continued trying to poke the bunny’s tummy. Despite the bunny’s blocking abilities, Freddy did manage to land a few good pokes. It was enough to make the bunny lean over and cover up its own sensitive belly.

Freddy smiled widely! “You have sensors too!” Glam Freddy had declared.

But before Freddy could land another single poke, the bunny turned itself around and sprinted as quickly as its legs could carry it. With an arm across its belly; the bunny sprinted all the way down the hall, turned to the right, and disappeared through a door frame.

The bunny was now long gone, and Freddy didn’t know how to feel about it. “Maybe the bunny doesn’t like being poked.” Freddy wondered out loud.

“But I know YOU DO!” Gregory added.

Freddy felt a pair of fingers poke his sides. He jumped and quickly grabbed his sides. “HEY! Well-”

“You already told me you liked it.” Greg casually reminded him.

Glam Freddy thought for a moment and widened his eyes when he realized: Oh yeah...He DID tell him that! “...I...Guess I did.”

“So do you like it, Mr. Fred sir?” The kid asked.

Freddy smiled and knelt down on one knee. He lifted Gregory up onto his wide shoulders and let him hold onto his permanently attached top hat. “Yes! I believe I do like it!” Freddy finally replied proudly.

Gregory threw his fists up into the air and clapped his hands. “Yay! I knew it! I knew it all along!”

“But no poking me while I’m carrying you in my compartment or on my shoulders.” Freddy ordered nicely.

But Gregory giggled and gave Freddy’s orange ear a little poke. “No promises.”

Much to Freddy’s surprise, the ear poke made him wanna giggle as well. He didn’t really understand why it felt so weird and why he was made that way. Maybe he’ll be able to ask his creator one day. But for now: Freddy happily carried Gregory on his shoulders as they walked around the mall for a while. And Gregory managed to keep his hands relatively to himself!

...Well, for the most part anyway. But, a few ear pokes never hurt anyone.

[the-ever-humming-girl]

Atlantis: Future Endeavors

     Whitmore folded his hands in his lap and regarded Dr. Sweet calmly. “Give it to me straight, Doc. Do I need to be getting my affairs in order?”

    Dr. Sweet placed his stethoscope back in his back and looked up at the elderly man propped up by a pile of pillows in the bed.

    He’d been called in to Whitmore manor earlier that evening by Helga after she’d found Mr. Whitmore collapsed on the floor of his study. She’d helped her boss to his room and made him as comfortable as possible while they’d waited for Sweet.

    Sweet had arrived as quickly as he was able and while Helga had waited out in the hall, he had given the old man a thorough checkup followed by an extensive questioning. In the end Sweet confirmed what Helga had suspected. Preston Whitmore had had a heart attack. It had been a mild one, thankfully, but it had still been a heart attack, and it was his second.

    Sweet moved to stand by the bed. “No need to be revising your will just yet, Mr. Whitmore.” He assured him. “Though you will need to take it easy for a while. No undue excitement.” He pulled a prescription pad from his bag and scribbled on it. “I don’t want you to overexert yourself. You can sit or lay down but no excessive walking.”

    Whitmore scoffed. “Stuff and nonsense, I’m not an invalid. I’ll be fit as a fiddle in no time.”

    Sweet lowered the pad and pen and eyed Whitmore. “For now, you are an invalid, and I don’t want you to have another attack, so for the next few weeks you’ll take it easy.” He glanced towards the closed door. “Or else I’ll prescribe a wheelchair and Helga will make sure you stay in it.”

    Whitmore waved a hand. “Oh, I don’t need a chair.”

    Sweet gestured with the pen. “Not if you take it easy like I’ve told you to you won’t.” He kept on writing. “You hired Helga to be your bodyguard and you know she takes her job seriously. She’s protected you from many outside dangers so keeping you safe from yourself shouldn’t be any trouble for her.”

    Whitmore settled back into the pillows with a sigh. “I’ll stay put, doc.” He acquiesced. “You’re the expert: you know best.”

    Sweet tore the prescription off the pad and began writing on the next page. “You know, you gave us a scare, Mr. Whitmore.”

    The old man sighed and nodded. “I realize that, and I appreciate the fact that you all care. Being bedridden is maddening through.”

    Sweet tore off the second piece of paper. “I’ll fill this for you, but someone will need to set it out for you each day.”

    Whitmore motioned towards the door. “You can give it to Helga.” He said. “I have no secrets from her.”

    Sweet looked at Whitmore. “You’ve got her pretty worried, you know.”

    Whitmore sighed. “I know, though it can’t be helped. No one even plans for a heart attack,”

    As he walked towards the door Dr. Sweet spoke. “Remember, you have to take it easy for a few weeks. Let her help you.”

    He opened the door and stepped out for a moment.

    Preston Whitmore sat and thought about how this event would change his life. He had always been a practical man and he’s always thought himself a young man. Now he was faced with a sobering reality. This heart attack was his second, the first having occurred five years previous.

    What could be done? He wondered. He’d worked all his life amassing the millions of dollars that were in Whitmore Industries. What did it all add up too? What was the point if you weren’t around to enjoy it?

    He’d had a good long life and he determined then and there that he’d be around for many years to come. Preston Whitmore wasn’t a man that went down without a fight. He hadn’t come this far only to be done in by a heart attack. He had always been a believer in the impossible and that belief had been rewarded over the years in the discovery of artifacts long believed to have been destroyed or the stuff of legends.

    He had Excalibur in his personal collection, for heavens sake. He had coelacanths in the aquarium in his study. If anyone could achieve what most believed was impossible it was Preston Brandon Whitmore. His mind turned to all the stories Thaddeus had bent his ear with over their years of friendship. All the stories of Atlantis and the advanced medicine and healing it was purported to have possessed eons ago. If Excalibur and coelacanths existed, then perhaps a miracle cure did too.

    He looked up as Sweet reentered the room with Helga. She walked over to stand by the bed and looked down at him.

    “So, Dr. Sweet says you’ll be alright with bedrest.” She said.

    He smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “Oh, yes. Preston Whitmore isn’t so easy to kill. I’ll be around for a long while yet.”

    “That’s a relief.” She said with a forced smile. “I hate job hunting; who else would put up with me?”

    “Nonsense.” Said Whitmore with a smile. “You’ve put up with the ramblings and eccentricities of this old coot for several years now and I greatly appreciate it, not to mention the all the times you’ve saved my life, today included.”

    Helga smiled and it was a little less strained. “It’s been a pleasure, sir. You and I have both lead unique and adventurous lives.”

    He leaned forward with a gleam in his eye, looking from Helga to Sweet. “Well, if you’re interested in another adventure, I think it’s time I start planning the Atlantis expedition.”

[haileygarciasunshine]

Another Night

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader

Warning: Drinking

Word Count: 2,146

Requested: Yes!☺️🖤

A mix of Harry Styles “Falling” and Prompt #2 “You’re so fun to touch.” @oh-mymendes

I fell in love with this song so I’m going to make this angsty and fluffy🖤

I'm in my bed

And you're not here

And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands

Forget what I said

It's not what I meant

And I can't take it back

I can't unpack the baggage you left

It was another night of drinking. Another night of falling into a pit of dispair. Another night of staring at the ceiling wondering what went wrong. Another night. If you could go back to that regretful night, you would. It had been three weeks post break up, and you had begun to turn into someone you didn’t recognize. Being in a relationship with Kylo Ren, required, a lot of effort, a lot of trust and communication, and most importantly, a lot of understanding. Kylo, didn’t want to make your relationship public, while at the beginning you were understanding, however you grew less and less understanding during the relationship, a year had gone by, and the man still didn’t want to make it known. 

He had practically, every female, throwing themselves at him, and yet he couldn’t understand why you wanted to go public. It began to feel like the relationship was a dirty little secret, and that’s not the type of relationship you wanted. The stress of being kept secret was enough to cause major turmoil in the relationship. Kylo, didn’t seem to be bothered by this at all. That is until the night of the break up, everything that was unsaid unraveled at an alarming rate.

“I just don’t understand!” You yelled in frustration, bringing your hand up to your face rubbing angerly.

“What are you not understanding!” 

“Why you don’t want anyone to know about us!”

“I am not having this argument again!” He huffed in anger, making his way to his bedroom.

Following him on his heels, you bellowed, “Is there someone else? I Just....” Your voice cracked before you could finish, as tears threatened to fall down your cheeks.

“You just what?” He spat in anger.

Sighing, you knew this fight wouldn’t end well, “I just need to know. We.... We can.... We can work through it?” It came out as more of a question than a statement. 

“What if I’ve decided I’ve had enough. That I don’t want to work through it?” He questioned while doing something in his closet. 

Kylo, knew what he was doing, he thought the best way to protect you, was to push you away. The truth is, that he loved you, more than anything in the entire galaxy. He even whisked away Megan, your girl friend, and Jake your best guy friend, to go look at rings with him. He wanted forever, and he wanted forever with you. 

There had been many, many threats against you. He wasn’t sure how they knew about you, which is why he wanted to keep the relationship “Secret,” he couldn’t be bothered to give a damn if anyone on the ship didn’t want you together. It was the looming threats on your life, from different sources, that bothered him. How could he expect to be a Husband if he couldn’t protect you?

Kylo, had busied himself in his closet, not being able to stand how much he was hurting you. Every word, he spat, he knew the damage that was done. He couldn’t bring himself, to witness the tears that were streaming down your face, or the hurt that was plastered on your face, all because of him. Kylo, knew you all too well, he knew the emotions that you would be feeling, using your greatest fear against you. Being hurt and alone were the only things you feared in the entire universe and here he was using them.

“What?” You gasped. The hurt in your voice taking over.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what anymore?”

“This..Us.”

“If you don’t end it, I will.”

Silence. For the first time in days, there was silence. The silence was mixed with something else. Defeat. It was the sound of two hearts breaking.

He knew how far he pushed you, when all he wanted to do was bury himself with you.

The sudden, sound of his chamber door closing, echoed through out. Now it was his turn to be truly afraid of being alone.

The sound of a gentle knock was heard throughout. Groaning, you slowly sat up. Now, only if the room would stop spinning you could get up. After, a few seconds you attempted to answer the door, stumbling and swaying in the process. Opening the door, you were greeted with two faces, that you weren’t expecting.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“We knew you’d be here... Uh, mind if we join you?”

Your best friends had shown up at your chambers, with alcohol in hand. You were surprised, to say the least, especially since you had kicked them out of your apartment, and barked at them how much you hated them a few nights prior.

“Please! I could use the company.” You offered with a soft smiled. Telling them all about, your broken heart.

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'

The alcohol, stopped numbing the pain forcing you to face the all too real heart break. You had tried to keep your life business as usual, but quickly found out just how much your life revolves around Kylo. It turned into a journey to self discovery again. Being able to step foot in the ship cafeteria was a new one. You and Megan would often stargaze and talk about life whenever you couldn’t sleep.

That didn’t stop you from missing him, no matter how hard you tried. Some nights, you laid awake staring at the ceiling, wondering if he ever talked about you, or if he was having just as hard of a time getting the thoughts of you out of his mind. You were exhausted. Just the smallest thought of Kylo, kept you up at night.

Practically every night, you found yourself wondering the halls as you were becoming an insomniac. However, tonight was a different story. Turning down one of the many, many hallways onboard the ship, you ran into a similar tall black figure.

“Kylo?” Disbelieve coursing through your body.

“Yes, baby?”

“Are you... Are you drunk?”

Suddenly, he found your question humorous, laughing before replying, “Just a smidge..”

‘Oh good,’ now I know how Megan and Jake felt you thought.

“Alright, let’s get you home big boy.”

“You’re coming home?”

“Well I’m just-“

Throwing his arms around you, he pulled you close to his body before continuing, “I’ve missed you baby.”

“Okay, Kylo. Come on.”

Kylo tripped and stumbled along the way to his chambers. As soon as you got him into bed, his enormous hand, clamped down on your wrist not letting you go.

“Stay... please.”

Turning to look at him, his eyes were filled with regret and sorrow. It seemed as if he was overwhelmed by them.

Breathing out in defeated you replied, “Okay.”

Once you were secure under the blankets, Kylo immediately, pulled you to his chest. Never in your whole relationship, have you seen the man drunk.

Giggling, he said, “You’re fun to touch! So soft.”

“Okay, Kylo. Time for bed,” you couldn’t help but laugh, at the drunk gentle giant.

“I’m sorry... the breakup was my fault.” He paused, but then continued with his confession, “There was too many threats on your life... I... I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.”

“Kylo....”

“I thought I was protecting you, if we broke up,” he let out a frustrated sigh, “I thought the threats would stop... but they didn’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve understood..”

“I know...You’re so caring, and understanding... Always putting my needs before your own... I just wanted to return the favor.”

“Kyl-.”

“I miss you.. I... I can change if you want me to...”

Not giving him the chance to continue, his drunken rambling, you took his face in your hand and kissed him. He reacted quicker than you thought possible. His lips were moving feverishly against yours.

“Let’s go to sleep. We can talk in the morning.”

Fresh brewed coffee filled the air. Remembering where you were, you quickly sat up. It wasn’t until you made your way past a mirror, that you realized you had fallen asleep in one of Kylo’s sweaters, easily making it past your knees serving as a night sweater.

“Goodmorning.” Kylo said, as he kept shifting his weight from one foot to the other, “Y/N, uhm.. about last night I-“

You cut off his nervous ramblings again, with a kiss. The kiss deeped almost instantly, his hands wandering over your body, before landing at your hips. Your hands tangled themselves in his soft black hair. He pushed his hips into yours, trapping you against the lower kitchen cabinets. Before it could get anymore heated, he lifted you onto the counter so you were closer in height.

“You love me again?” His voice coming out wrecked.

“Baby, who says I stopped?”

Smiling at the nickname, he placed chaste kissing along your throat, with each kiss, came and “I love you.”

A month has gone by, since your reconciliation with Kylo. It was better than before, everyone knew you were together. If Kylo, could’ve climbed to the top of the space ship, and scream if for all the galaxy to hear, he would’ve. Little did you know, he was planning on asking you something very important.

Once you woke up, you made your way to the kitchen. There was a note, by the coffee pot. It read:

‘Be ready by 7pm. Everything you need, is already in our chambers.’

As soon as seven rolled around, you were bursting at the seams. Kylo, had picked a nude ball gown, with a white leaf tull to go over the top.

There was a rough knock at the door. Opening, the door you were met with five knights of Ren. Kylo, being the one that was missing.

“Miss Y/N, we are here to escort you, to meet Sir, Kylo.”

You followed them down, many twists and turns through the ship. It wasn’t until you reached a secluded hallway, that you were wondering what was happening.

Once you reached the designated hallway, the Knights of Ren, stepped away from you and stated, “From here, you proceed alone.”

After the tall man, stepped aside you saw the hallway lined, with dozens upon dozens, of pink peonies, your favorite flower. Below them, were white candles lighting the pathway for you walk.

Each flower, had a little note of a favorite memory, Kylo had with you. The closer you got to the end, more rose petals were spread along the floor. Your eyes falling on a familiar set of chocolate brown eyes. Once you got close enough, he got down on one knee and asked four simple words.

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

Kylo had taken the next step in your relationship, and wanted to make you his bride. Eternity was a long time, but not nearly as long, with you by his side.

Six months had passed, and it was your wedding day. You and Kylo, didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, so you invited Megan and Jacob, along with the Knights of Ren, to your elopement. Seeing Kylo, in a tux for the first time was breath taking.

“I love you, Wife.” He overcome with joy.

Replying with enthusiasm you said, “I love you too, Husband.”

It wasn’t often you got to spend more than one day together. You were able to keep him away from work for three days, before there was an absolute emergency that they needed to whisk him away.

Four months after saying, “I Do.” You we’re beginning to feel extremely nauseous. It wasn’t long, before you were running sick, to the bathroom.

‘Maybe I’m pregnant.’ You thought. Shaking the idea from your head, you made your way to the kitchen, once again being overwhelmed with a nauseous feeling. Kylo, walked in the door, with the sickening smell. It was lunch. Once again, you took off in the direction of the bathroom. Resting your, head on the toilet lid, kylo was situated on the floor by you, gently rubbing your back, after he was done holding your hair back.

“Are you okay my love?”

“Yeah,” you let out a sigh, “I guess I’m not feeling well today.”

Letting your conscience speak, you took a pregnancy test. The results seemed to take forever, even though it was only a matter of minutes. Once the results showed, all the color that was left in your face, had drained.

Deciding it was now or never, you opened the bathroom door and was met with your eager husband.

“I’m pregnant.”

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Yandere prompt 21 with Kakyoin please?

Welp I just want to say before we start that the Yakuza scam that is mentioned is actually a true story that my Japanese teacher told the class about as a warning about all of the corruption that happens in Tokyo.

Anyway here's the fic

Foreign treasure

(Yandere Kakyoin X Female Reader)

Kakyoin couldn't help but stare at the new exchange student, her name was (Y/n) (L/n). He couldn't help but lose focus in his classes as he looked at her. Her soft (h/c) hair, her stunning (E/C) eyes that gleamed in the sun like jewels. She truely was a foreign treasure.

He wanted her to know he existed but was to shy to even give direct eye contact, little more actually speak to her.

🍒🍒🍒

"That'll be 1500 yen" the shop clerk said. Kakyoin looked through his wallet and picked out the notes and coins in his hand. 1155 yen, it wasn't enough to pay for his lunch and drink. He felt embarrassed and he didn't know what to say until a hand grazed against his as they placed a 1000 yen note in his hand.

"You can keep the change" a familiar soft voice said. He looked to his side to see the familiar (h/c)ed female, giving him a smile that was possibly sweeter then any candy.

"Uh... O, thanks" he stuttered in embarrassment.

"No problem, sorry if I scared you" she said as her smile grew.

"No you didn't" he said as he handed the clerk the money and grabbed the plastic bag.

"Your name's Kakyoin, right?" She asked him.

"Y... Yes" he stuttered.

"Well I'm (Y/n)" she said as she took his hand and shook it.

His heart skipped a beat as he felt her holding his hand and the butterflies grew in his stomach.

"Everytime I've seen that you've always been alone, what's up with that?" She asked as they both walked out.

"I just think that it's more important to study then socialise" he lied.

"Oh, I just thought you might've of been lonely..." You sighed.

"Thou that's nothing to be ashamed of, back in my country I'm pretty lonely at school" she said to him.

"It's so much nicer here. Everything's cleaner, the streets the houses, even the people" she said.

"Oh I'm sorry... I must rambling" she apologized.

"No, no it's perfectly fine, I enjoy listening to y- people" he said avoiding to say you to not sound creepy but it was the truth, he did enjoy listening to you. On many occasions he had used his stand to possess others just so he could hear her voice. He had even used a possessed to stalk you, but to his misfortune she had caught him and ran off too quickly for him to follow.

"What are you listening to?" He asked as he saw her headphones that were plugged into a cassette player, he could hear the tune ever so faintly.

"Oh... I'm not sure if you know him... Then again you Japanese sure do have a love of western music" she replied.

"Even if I don't I'm sure he's great"

"Well if you must know... I'm listening to Sting" she said. His eyes light up with suprise.

"You like Sting, He's my favourite musician" he said, trying so desperately to his his joy. Him and her were so much alike, he just knew that she had to have some feeling for him.

Over the weeks he seemed so much brighter, every week day he jumped out of bed excited to see you once more but one day you had to leave, this was only a exchange program. You had to go back.

"(Y/n) I just wanted to give you something before you go!" He yelled as he tried to catch up to catch up to her as he held an envelope in his hand.

"Yes?" She asked as she stopped.

"Here" he said as he put the envelope in her hand.

"Don't open it now, but please reply when you get back" he asked her.

"Of course" she said.

But she never did...

🍒🍒🍒

Several years had passed and the year was 1996 and the world was a different place, especially after the crusaders back in 85. They had all gone their separate ways. Polnareff had gone back to France, Joseph had gone back to America, Jotaro had left Japan shortly after graduating and was now a marine biologist as well as a husband and father.

And Kakyoin... He had decided that he would just stay in Japan and live a normal, quiet life. He had a office job in the heart of Tokyo, occasionally doing a bit of painting but over all the years he never forgot about the (h/C) haired female, he still had some delusional hope that he may one day get a response. He still remembered what he had written. A confession, a declaration and a promise of love for her.

🍒🍒🍒

It was like every Tuesday night. He was heading back to his apartment through a park when he saw two small children, a boy and girl around 5 and 7 playing around, he could tell they were foreigners.

One accidentally bumped into him and apologized before a woman ran towards them.

"I'm so sorry about that sir" a familiar voice said.

He felt the butterflies that had once been in his stomach as he saw her.

"(Y/n)..." Was all that came out of his mouth. The lady looked into his eyes. God he didn't think she could have gotten anymore beautiful but he had been proven wrong, she had aged so well.

"Kakyoin..." She softly replied before hugging him.

"God Kakyoin, it sure is a small world we live in" she said.

"Mommy who's this" the little girl asked. He felt his insides twist as he heard her say Mommy, had you really just forgotten him and just gotten with someone else.

"Oh he's a friend I made while I studied here years ago" she explained.

"Could you guys go on the play over there, I want to talk with with Kakyoin, if that's ok with you?" She said as she sat down on the small garden wall.

"Yes that's ok, I don't have any plans" he said as he sat next to her. The two children the ran around the park but always kept in her view.

"Wow I really can't believe you became a mother, where's the lucky man?" he sighed, he was truly horrified by this discovery.

"It's a long story" she sighed.

"I don't mind a long story" he said pulling a slightly amused voice in attempt to cheer you up.

"Well Paige and Matthew are actually my niece and nephew but their parents were involved in a horrific car crash, their father died instantly and their mother wasn't recovering in hospital. She knew that she wasn't going to make it... A few hours later she passed away as well, she told me she only wanted me to adopt them before she did, so for her dying wish I did, I've never been able to land a guy since then because let's be honest who wants to hustle with a single mom" she said before letting out a chuckle at the end. Relief washed over him,  she hadn't settled down. He still had hope.

She look at the time before telling him she needed to get the kids back to her friend's house that she was staying at before giving him her number.

"If your free maybe I could take you to a bar on Friday? I just really want some more time to catch up" he said.

"Sure, I think that could work, I could have the kids stay home with Natsuko and her kids" she replied.

"Then it's settled"

🍒🍒🍒

"Is this the place?" she asked.

"Yes" he replied as he brought her into the small bar, it wasn't much and it didn't have a lot of patrons either but that's what he liked about it. She took a seat before waving the bartender over.

"Could I please order a long island iced tea?" She asked which the bartender nodded.

"That's pretty strong..." He remarked as he sat next to her.

"Yeah, but it's nice" she replied.

"And I'd like a Cherry buzz" he said.

"Cherry buzz? I've never heard of a cocktail like that" she said.

"Yeah it's one of this bars signature drinks. Cherry brandy, milk, and a shot of coffee. I know it's not the manliest of drinks but I enjoy it" he explained.

"So tell me what you done with your life besides becoming an instant mother?" He asked her before the bartender handed them their drinks.

"Well prior to being a mom wasn't much, I had boring job as a waitress but awhile after adopting Paige and Matthew I decided to become a children's book writer and illustrator. That's actually one of the reasons I came back to Japan, to get some inspiration for a new book and also to show the kids how great this place is" she explained before taking a sip.

"Wow that great to hear" he said.

"But I will warn you that Tokyo is very different to the rest of Japan, the Yakuza have their firm grip over it and target foreigners often, even I got scammed by them once" he continued.

"Really how?"

"It's kind of embarrassing, shortly after moving into Tokyo I went to a bar to get something to drink, a few ladies asked if they could sit by me and I said yes... Turns out the bar was linked to a nearby brothel and they were prostitutes... I hadn't done anything with them but the bar charged me an absurd amount for them because I'd had a few conversations with them. They wouldn't let me leave until I paid up" he explained before sipping his drink.

"Wow it's pretty scary how easily it can happen" she replied.

"Yeah" he lightly chuckled.

"Hey could I ask you something?" She asked.

"Sure, go ahead"

"What happened to you eyes?"

"oh just some unfriendly locals in Egypt"

The night went on and on and on, she kept saying she'd stop drinking but Kakyoin would insist here to have another one and told her he'd pay until she was buzzed up enough.

He sighed as he could feel her arms wrap around him, her mobility wasn't the best and she was nearly staggering. He completely relished in the fact that he was the one she was relying on.

"(Y/n) I'll take you home, it's to dangerous for you to walk by yourself" he cooed as he tangled his fingers in her soft locks while walking her through the city until she spoke up.

"We were supposed to make a left turn..." She muttered, a sliver of worry in her voice.

"I'm taking you back to mine, I'm sure Natsuko will understand that you just got a little bit too drunk" he said.

Despite the seeming kind act that Kakyoin was displaying she couldn't help but have that gut feeling telling her something was up.

"No no, I want to go back to her's please I know it's a little extra to walk but I'd just feel a bit safer there" she said but he ignored her and continued to follow his intended path until she began to struggle.

He quickly used his stand to control her. Her body pressed against his own as he finally got into his apartment. She muttered loving nothing to him and told him how much she loved him, but just using his stand to make her say it wasn't enough... He wanted her to say them honestly to him.

He lauded her on the small couch before locking the door. Then he released her from his possession.

She looked at him in fear as she realised what happened.

"Y...you, what did you do to me?" She stuttered.

"I knew you would try to run at some stage if I didn't, you should have no reason to be afraid of me but you seem to believe there is" he said as he approached the female who stood up. As he tried to embrace her she pushed him away.

"Leave me alone!" She screamed.

"(Y/n) calm down your drunkenness is effecting your mind" he explained as he tried to approach her again but I was becoming a repeating cycle of being pushed away. Eventually he grew sick and tired of this stupid game of back and forward.

Her body stiffened and moved unnaturally, like she was struggling against restraints. She couldn't see the cause but he could.

"Why?! Why are you-?!" She yelled before another of limb of his stand covered her mouth.

"(Y/n) I missed you so much after you left... I've been waiting for all these years hoping you would reply to my letter, I can't bare the thought of you leaving me again" he said.

"All I want is you, all I've ever wanted was you... I just want you to never leave me, I don't care about the fact that your a mother... I just want you to stay with me forever" he explained, almost as if he was on the verge of tears but his face did not reflect that sadness in his voice, the blank piercing gaze on his face showed the twisted emotion that he believed was love.

[iitsbambam]

How It All Began ~ Part 1

~ Please read authors note at the end! Thank you! ~

          I leaned on the wall and looked out the window of my quarters. The sun was shining and I felt the warmth envelope my skin. A genuine smile spread across my face.

          It had been a few months that I had begun fighting in the Survey Corps. Commander Erwin requested for any available recruits to join in their most recent expeditions due to dwindling numbers of soldiers. Our instructor, Keith Shadis, was forced to pick a group of recruits he thought were ‘expendable.’ One of them just so happened to be me. I remember cursing myself the night I found out I would be leaving training early to join the Survey Corps in their next expedition. I couldn’t help how easy certain aspects of training was, I felt as though I could afford to slack off a bit. Bad move (Y/N), bad move.

~~~~~~~~~

          I carried my bag over my shoulder as I exited the place I called home for the past few years of my life. The cold breeze blew past my arms and I suddenly longed for the comfort of the plain wooden barracks. The comfort of my friends who had hugged me just before, unable to send the calming words of ‘you’ll be alright’ because who really knew. Would I be alright?

          I looked towards the carriage that would be carrying the cadets who were chosen to leave training early. There were maybe ten of us total, but any amount was ‘desperately’ needed as Shadis had put it.

          I reluctantly walked down the creaking steps of the barracks and walked towards the carriage. The closer I got the clearer I could see my fellow cadets faces. Some were blank, emotionless. Unable to express what they were feeling in that moment. One or two seemed excited, ready for the challenge.

          ~Arrogance will get you killed~ I thought.

          But the majority of them had looks of fear in their eyes. Eyebrows scrunched together in thought as the realization slowly hit them more and more.

          We would finally be facing titans. Real titans. Not just those shitty wooden figurines. Titans that would grab us, attack us.

          Eat us.

          I swallowed the lump in my throat as I finally reached the back of the carriage. I looked to my right and saw instructor Shadis putting his hand out to help me into the carriage.

         “Thank you sir,” I spoke quietly. He nodded as I grabbed his hand and lifted myself into the carriage. I sat down on the hardwood, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

        ~I can do this~ I told myself. ~I can stay alive, I can kill those bastard titans~

         I was broken out of my small mantra as a hand rested on my forearm. I opened my eyes and looked towards Shadis. He looked at me, a stoic look in his eyes, but I could see the anxiousness he held behind it.

        “Good luck cadet (L/N),” He spoke. “Try not to get killed out there.” Surprisingly his words calmed me slightly. The realism in his words, the focus being on ‘not getting killed.’ Gave me a focus, a ‘game plan’ as you may say. Because currently my mind was jumbled with ‘what ifs.’

        He released my arm and stepped back as I nodded towards him.

        “You prepared me well, sir,” I said with a small smile on my face. Trying to reassure him, as well as myself. He nodded towards me and spoke under his breath as the carriage began to move, I almost didn’t catch his words.

        “I hope so.”

         I hope so too.

~~~~~~~~~~

         Arriving at the Survey Corps headquarters that night felt like our fates were set in stone.

         “Welcome to your new home cadets,” A deep voice spoke as we exited off the carriage.

         We were greeted by Commander Erwin. I stared up at him. His stance oozed confidence, his uniform bore the wings of freedom I had only ever seen in passing glances. He truly lived up to the stories we had all heard about him. He carried an aura of strength and determination I’d never seen on anyone. He gave a warm welcoming despite the context of the situation we were in. I could see why so many members of the Survey Corps were inspired by him.

         He showed us around headquarters. The walls of the building were made of stone, the glass windows were a beautiful sight to see the outside. The view was incredible and left me in slight awe. We saw where we would eat, sleep, and train. Everything seeming more beautiful in comparison to the dingy training facility we were previously in.

         The Commander introduced us to the few scouts who were still awake. They held smiles on their faces but I could see through a few of their facades. The dark circles under their eyes, the tired smiles on their faces, and the stress behind their eyes. I wondered if I would last long enough to know what they were feeling.

         We continued through the building and we soon reached his office as well as revered Squad Leader Hange’s laboratory.

          The woman appeared out of nowhere, eagerly excited to meet the new recruits. Her assistant, Moblit Berner, followed behind with a look of stress on his face. She rambled on about titans and the tests she had most recently been running. Although it was hard to understand her throughout her ramblings, I found myself deeply interested in her discoveries and plans for the future. She certainly had a fast moving intelligent mind, even her mouth couldn’t keep up with her thoughts.

          Her tangent went on for what seemed like hours before Commander Erwin told her we must move on.

          What I failed to realize before I left was that she had noticed my interest. While the other cadets were staring at a wall or shitting themselves in fear, she saw my attentiveness.

          “I can tell that one will be joining us soon Moblit,” Hange spoke with a sadistic smile on her face.

          Moblit cursed shakily under his breath as he observed Hange’s look in her eyes, “I sure hope so.”

          Commander Erwin began to lead us down to where our sleeping quarters would be. We walked thought the eerily quiet hallways of the building.  The small illumination of candles lighting our way. 

          After passing through the dark hallways seeing as most people were asleep, my eyes were quickly drawn to one door where light shone brightly from beneath it.

          ~Who was still up at this time?~ I thought.

          As Commander Erwin's candle passed by the door I saw a small plack with a name scrawled over it.

          Captain Levi

          My eyes widened and a slight chill ran up my back. To think that humanity's strongest soldier was right behind that door. The one that many cadets had the gall to compare themselves to, but never managed to reach the prestige of the well known Captain.

         “You coming cadet…” Commander Erwin paused. His voice broke me out of my thoughts and I noticed how I’d fallen behind the group. I felt nervousness build in my chest as I looked towards him.

          “(L/N), Cadet (F/N) (L/N), sir,” I spoke clearly with a salute. He walked up to me and extended his hand for me to shake.

          “I would introduce you to him, but he dislikes being disturbed,” Commander Erwin spoke. “And he’s quite cranky at night.” He whispered as he smiled at me.

          My nervousness dispersed as I held back a small giggle and smiled up at him.

          “But I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough but for now, keep up,” He finished as he patted my shoulder before walking back to the front of the group. 

          We continued walking down the dark hallway. I caught my last glimpse of the light from underneath the Captain's doorway as we turned the corner.

          We soon reached the sleeping quarters and Commander Erwin sectioned us off into our rooms. Since I was at the end of the group I was last to be placed into a room.

          “Aren’t you a lucky Cadet,” Erwin spoke. “A room all to yourself, not many get the privilege on their first day.”

          I looked up to him with a grateful smile as I entered the room. I took a moment to look over the new sleeping arrangements. And they were a definite upgrade to the cramped barracks we were stuck in at the training camp.

          The room had a small work desk on the left wall with a hanging oil lamp above it. A dresser was pressed on the wall across from the doorway next to a small window. The bunk was on the right wall with a small table in the center of the room. Somehow it felt ‘homey.’ It didn’t feel like the death sentence I had originally felt when I heard I was leaving for the scouts this soon. Surprising.

          I walked over to the bottom bunk and set my bag down on my new bed. I took a breath and turned to the commander.

          “Thank you sir,” I smiled. “But I’m sure these empty bunks will be filled soon, I’m almost certain many friends of mine from cadet training are planning on joining the scouts.” I assured him.

          He nodded towards me with a thankful smile as he reached for the door handle.

          “Goodnight cadet,” He spoke kindly.

          He began shutting the door and for some reason anxiety ripped through my body. I didn’t want to be alone, what would tomorrow bring? Would I die on my first expedition. Was I ready?

          I was scared.

         “Commander!” I called out just as the door was about to click shut. Commander Erwin pushed the door open slightly. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked at me.

         “Yes?” He questioned. I tugged at the bottom of my shirt in nervousness. I felt stupid. Childish. For the question I was about to ask him.

         “Commander, a...am I going to die on my first expedition?” I shakily asked. I could feel pressure build behind my eyes. I took a deep breath, forcing the tears to retreat. I didn’t want to look any weaker than I already felt.

          Commander Erwin looked at me. His face was cascaded into seriousness. All signs of warmth gone from his face, determination replacing it.

          “That’s up to you (L/N),” He spoke bluntly. “Every one of us goes out into titan country knowing the possibility of dying.”

          “We struggle each expedition, not only with titans, but with the choice between surviving and protecting our squad,” He told me. “All of us in the scouts have seen enough deaths of comrades to last a lifetime. New cadets such as yourself, as well as people who have been fighting with us for years, there is no bias as to who dies on each expedition.”

          “But no one truly knows how they’ll react when they are faced with a titan, faced with death, until it happens. So I can’t answer your question because I truly don’t know. But I can give you this advice.” His eyes narrowed slightly and his lips pressed together.

          “Remember why you joined the military, remember what you’re fighting for.”

          The honesty in his voice was unwavering. The idea of how many cadets had been through this, had come and gone, was a scary thought. But many had made it through for many years. And it was clear Erwin was a commander that wasn’t going to let his scouts give up without a fight, without pride in their hearts. 

          But in the end it was up to me. It was up to whether I would allow fear to withhold me and control my actions on the battlefield.

          And although I was still fearful, I felt almost, hopeful of tomorrow.

          “Get some rest cadet, we have an early morning ahead of us,” He finished before lightly shutting the door with a soft ‘click.’

           I felt exhausted as I threw my boots off and jumped in bed. I looked up at the bottom of the top bunk above me. I steadied my thoughts as they continued to race until I was left without a single thought.

           And I soon curled up and fell asleep.

Next Chapter! : How It All Began ~ Part 2

~ !IMPORTANT! I hope you guys liked it! This is going to be a two, possibly three, part story that will be setting the tone for other fan fictions I may do. 

          The point of this story is to give context of the character (you/(Y/N)) you will be reading about so you have a backstory for yourself and your connection to the characters in the manga/show. 

          Thanks for reading I hope to see you in my next post! Much love! ~

[lovelylunarwriting]

Johnny Prince!AU

Prince Johnny is an idiot with a crown.

Or at least that’s what his best friend Ten tells people when they ask him for the truth about the “tall and dark prince”

The only thing dark about ya boi Johnny is his hair, and even then it gets fairly light in the summer.

He has this whole Cool Guy persona because he wanted the kingdom to see him as a prince and not as the guy who has to eat french toast every morning or it literally ruins his whole day.

To sum up: Johnny is a goofy and lovable prince with a very big heart.

Just about no one else gets to see this, though. They all see him as an untouchable, royal entity. Mostly because that’s what people want to think and Johnny’s not really about to correct them because he likes that people think he’s cool instead of a doofus.

You have the same opinion of the prince as everyone else, because that’s the general gossip in the capital.

Running a clinic, you wouldn’t think that patients would be in the mood to spill tea but there is a lot of laying around in bed and waiting involved, so you can’t really blame them.

Plus- you’d be lying if you didn’t enjoy being constantly in the loop about these things.

“And then when the princess’s shawl was ripped from her shoulders by the wind, Prince Youngho leapt off his horse just to grab it before it hit the ground!”

“Ooo, really?”

“I want someone to treat me like that… all my husband does is waste all our money betting on the knight’s matches”

“...”

“What?! You know it’s true!”

This clinic was something you started a few years ago when you moved into this section of the city and realized there was no accessible health care.

At that point, you had just finished your apprenticeship and were looking to start up your own place anyway, so a clinic seemed like a good idea.

And a good idea it was! When you first opened, an influx of people rushed in, and that’s when it really dawned on you how much these people needed help.

And how much they weren't getting it.

For as much as this nation prides itself on its advanced medical discoveries… a lot of people can’t afford it.

So if you have to flirt with the herbalist a little to get your ingredients for remedies at a lower rate, that’s what you do.

Lower rates for you means lower rates for your patients.

As of late, patients have been traveling great distances to come specifically to your clinic, and for the life of you you can't fathom why.

“It's because you actually know what you're doing unlike the quack in my village”, Gertrude says when you mention the influx of non-locals.

“I really can't be that much better than anyone else…”, you admit and Gertrude gives you a stern look.

Gertrude has been a patient of yours for a few months ever since her hip started acting up again. Apparently the doctor in her village thought she was faking the recurring pain to get drugs and refused to see her.

She's also one of the people you've become close to in this town. It usually takes a lot for people to break down your walls, but Gertrude is the kind of person you can't help but pour your heart out to.

“Listen, sweetie”, she starts and you just know she's about to lecture you about life like she usually does. “You should take your next day off and go to the next town over to pay that doctor a visit. He's supposedly one of the best in the country, but one look at him and you'll realize what talent you really have, dear”

And of course you listen to her because she's usually always right about these things.

Locking up your quaint little office in the back of the building, you tell your apprentice Chenle not to kill anyone while you're gone.

To which he just snorts and continues stitching up some guy's hand.

The travel time isn't too bad- only like an hour on horseback. You tie up your horse to the nearest post and begin to form a game plan.

If you just walk in like “hey I'm your competition, I heard you suck?? came here to confirm”, the doctor is not likely to be very responsive.

So this is why when you walk in, you immediately pretend to faint.

Eyes closed and back against the cool tile floor, you feel strong arms pick you up and bring you to what you assume is somewhere other than the practically empty lobby.

You open them after an appropriate amount of time and are met with beautiful milk chocolate eyes staring into yours.

“Are- are you the doctor?”, you ask, stunned by the boy's pretty face so close.

“No, I'm just studying under him. I'm Johnny, by the way. Are you alright?”

“I'm not sure. I don't,,,, I don't know what's going on, really”, you lie out of your teeth with ease.

“Okay, okay just stay here- I'll go get the doctor!”

David Tennant bursts into the room- (I’m sorry)

It takes forty seven minutes for the doctor to make an appearance.

Before your dramatic collapse in front of the receptionist, you scanned the room briefly and found it void of life.

That's strike one.

When the doctor finally makes an appearance, he stares at the chart in his hand as he asks you basic medically relevant questions.

He hasn’t even looked at you once.

That’s strike two.

The final incompetent action is what really sets you off.

This genius not only doesn’t look at you, but he keeps stealing glances over at the clock right behind you instead.

And that’s strike three.

“Does anyone in your family have a history of-”, he continues to drone off as his eyes flicker up to the clock again.

“Do you have somewhere better to be? Am I intruding on your precious time?”, you snap suddenly.

“I- what? Why would you-”

“Because you’ve spent an awfully large sum of time staring at the clock and an immensely small amount of time focusing on me. Your supposed patient”

“I’m not trying to-”

“Trying to what? Ignore your patient? Listen to me. You’re asking all the wrong things. My theoretically problem coming in today is low blood pressure. Pretty damn standard. In the time you’ve asked me every question in the book, a person who actually has extremely low blood pressure would have fainted in your office again”, you lecture, confident in the astonished look on this old quack’s face. Until the astonishment fades and rage sets in.

“Your theoretical illness?”

“...”

“...”

“Well I’ll be going, itwasnicetomeetyouBYE”, you sputter as you dash out of the patient room and by some stroke of luck the doctor doesn’t come yelling after you.

You do happen to run face first into the chest of that pretty boy from earlier, Johnny.

“Oof, you in a hurry there?”, he chuckles, holding onto your shoulders.

“Do you enjoy working under Dr. Dull or would you like to come learn some actual healing under me?”, you ask abruptly.

“Under you? Uh I’m flattered but-”, he says, dropping his hands to his sides faster than you thought humanly possible.

“nO I’m a heALer okaY, I didn’t mean it like that. My practice is about an hour away, close to the capital”

“Oh! I’ve heard of that clinic before, you must be Y/N!”, he practically shouts and you reach up to slap a hand over his mouth.

“Yes that’s me!! But I’ve just thoroughly pissed off your boss so are you in or not?”, you propose, readying yourself to bolt past Johnny if that doctor decides to come after you after all.

“I’m in!! Definitely in”

“Okay cool, we’re leaving right now”

“SIR YES SIR”, he says and gives you a little salute.

There’s no time to roll your eyes, so you settle from grabbing one of his large hands in yours and dragging him out of the place.

The two of your sprint to the other side of the road and as you start untying your horse, he starts untying what you really hope is his horse and not one he decided just now to steal.

Jumping on your horse and him jumping on probably his horse, the two of you make your way back to your clinic.

It’s not a very far journey, but you and Johnny end up talking the entire time. Mostly him asking you about obscure medical phenomenons and you asking him about himself.

His questions you answer almost immediately, but for your questions, he hesitates.

To which you become embarrassed for prying and are like “it’s personal, I get it. You don’t have to answer”, but he always does anyway, even if it takes him a minute.

Once the both of you arrive and you lead him into the building, Gertrude is chilling in her usual lounge chair in the lobby knitting a scarf when she looks up to see you with him.

And she just smirks knowingly and you stare at her with the silent message in your eyes saying “I know he’s gorgeous but that’s not what this is about so shuT uP-”

You introduce Chenle to Johnny and are like “get along because the wellness of our patients relies on your teamwork” and then shut yourself in your office to Cope With The Day.

This is not what you’d intended to go to that town for, but leaving someone who actually likes medicine,,, and wants to help people,,, under the direction of that moron “doctor” felt so wrong that you couldn’t help but literally drag him out of there.

Someone knocks on your door and you know exactly who it is.

Before you can say anything, Gertrude silently enters and plops herself in the seat across from you.

“...”

“...”

“So who’s the hottie?”

“stOP IT”

“...”

“... his name’s Johnny…”, you mumble, not making eye contact.

“I’m gonna need more than that, sweetie”

And so you spill the metaphorical tea while Gertrude spills the literal tea. 

She has a slight tremor in her left hand so her teacup splashed, but you assured her it was fine and said that a tea stain on the carpet will add character to your otherwise monotone office.

After a while, another soft knock sounds on your office door. When you get up to open it, it is of course the man of the hour- Johnny.

“I have to go but I didn't want to leave without talking to you first”

“Ah okay, let's talk in the hall then”, you say, shoving him out of the doorframe and out of your office. He spins around and immediately begins to ramble.

“We didn’t really talk about this earlier but I have another job technically and so I won’t be able to come in everyday but I still want to learn-”

“That’s fine, come whenever you can”

“...”

“What?”, you ask since he’s staring at you like you’ve got two heads or something.

“Nothing it’s just… you’ve gotten be about the nicest person I’ve ever met”, he admits, causing your face to actually combust.

“That’s uhh,,,,, thanks I guess. I um shouldgetbacktoGertrudesopleaseexcuseme”, you say and rush back into your office, slamming the door behind you.

After a moment, you hear a hearty chuckle and then the sound of his footsteps slowly trailing away from your office.

“Not a word, Gertrude”

“Wouldn’t consider it, dear”, she says and you don’t even have to turn to her to know she’s got that all-knowing smirk plastered on her mildly wrinkled face.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

The next day at the clinic, Johnny doesn’t show.

And he’s not there the next day, either.

Or the next.

After a week and a half, you’ve given up entirely the idea of him coming back- so that’s of course when he waltzes through the front door.

“Hello!”, he says somewhat nervously, but his normal cheerful tone shines through nonetheless.

“Hello. Awfully busy, were you?”, you ask, trying not to come off as annoyed as you actually are. When you told him to come in whenever he could, you would’ve at least appreciated some communication on his part.

“Sorry, a lot of things have happened this week”

“Yeah- no kidding. Which is why I need you here! No one’s seen an outbreak of the flu like this in decades”

“Oh no… really?”, he responds with a fake cluelessness that most people wouldn’t be able to detect. But patients lie all the time, so weeding them out is a handy skill you’ve picked up.

“Sure… just get to work. Be wherever Chenle needs you and do whatever he says”

“,,,,that kid’s like half my age”, he mumbles mostly to himself.

“And that kid has got way more experience than you. Stop wasting my time and get to work”, you snap and storm off.

He stands there stunned for a moment, and then turns and walks off.

You’re shocked at yourself, really. In this field of work it’s important to stay rational and that’s something you’ve been able to accomplish so far but… it’s just something about him that rubs you the wrong way.

He’s cheerful and friendly and good with people.

But he’s also a flake and a liar.

His entire existence is one giant contradiction and that bothers the living hell out of you.

“Why do I even care…”, you sigh.

“Because he’s gorgeous and tall, that’s why”, Gertrude butts in.

“w h a t”

“Deary, let’s just say if I was thirty-five years younger-”, she starts and you can see where she’s going with it.

“And what would your wife think of you talking about some beautiful hunk like that?”, you joke.

“My wife would appreciate that I have good taste. And she’ll never know because you won’t tell her, because if you do, I’ll tell that beautiful hunk that you think he’s got a nice ass”

“GERTRUDE YOU WOULDN’T”, you shout in front of everyone, knowing very well that she most definitely would.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

After about a month, you’re fairly certain there is not another soul in this kingdom that could possibly get this strain of the flu.

It seems that everyone got sick- hell, even Chenle was out for a week.

So for a week it was just you and Johnny, and you apologized for snapping and he apologized for flaking and everything felt a lot better.

Better, but not perfect. Something in your gut keeps telling you he’s too good to be true. That he has to be hiding something.

But as far as you can see, he’s a perfectly normal and lovely guy. He’s amazing with patients and cares for people on a level that’s so rare to find in a person.

Just when you’re checking out the last of the flu patients after a particularly physically straining day, you begin to feel an intense wave of dizziness.

Equal distance away from you are each of the boys, and even though Chenle’s the more experienced healer, Johnny’s name leaves your lips instead.

You hear thundering footsteps before your vision goes black.

Waking up, your first thought is “this is the warmest pillow ever”, and your second is “who the hell’s holding my hand?”

You blink open your eyes and are met with the ever so familiar face of Gertrude. That explains the warmth, considering your head is rested across her petite legs.

Peering down your arm, you see that Johnny’s the one with his hand around your wrist.

So of course you yank it away in a drowsy panic.

“you… perv...”, you manage to croak out, and he just laughs in that music-to-your-ears way that makes your heart sing, whether you’d like to admit it or not.

“I’m checking your pulse, don’t be such a baby”, he teases.

“Fine- whatever you say Your Highness”, you tease right back, but for a flash of a second you see a mix of shock and fear in his eyes and makes your trust in him waver yet again.

“Didn’t you… don’t you have somewhere to be? You mentioned a meeting earlier…”, you stumble with your words, barely able to create coherent thoughts in your current state of illness.

“This is more important. They’ll be fine without me”, he says with an amount of seriousness you didn’t think he was capable of.

“Well…. I hate third wheeling so I’m just gonna go”, Gertrude announces, practically dropping your head and then leaving, shooting you a wink.

You hope Johnny assumes the redness in your face is due to the fever and not…. other reasons.

You hadn’t realized how delicate he could be until you happen to be the one under his care.

It’s different watching him work with patients from a healer’s perspective and being the patient yourself.

For the next week, Johnny doesn’t leave your side. And if you're being honest with yourself- you love every second.

He's usually always coming and going, so having him here for so long makes your heart pound out of your chest.

Which you know is physically impossible, but a decent metaphor regardless.

About a week later, you’re feeling much better and Johnny still refuses to leave you just yet.

Right as you’re about to push him out the door so he can actually get some decent rest (he’s been sleeping on the couch in your office which is not comfy after several days straight), Chenle bursts through the door.

“The Prince has been declared missing!! He’s gone!”

“Unless he needs a medic, I don’t see why I should care Chenle”, you say nonchalantly, still trying to drag Johnny out.

“Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me”, Johnny practically spits and you let go of his wrist, mostly out of shock. You’ve never seen him as anything but a teddy bear of a person, even with all his mystery.

You look at Chenle, and then at Johnny.

And you put the puzzle pieces together.

“You’re the royalty, aren’t you Johnny? Or should I say Prince Youngho?”

He walks out the door without a word.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

After about a week, Johnny/Youngho/Whoever the fuck hasn’t dropped by.

You give it another couple of days before deciding to take action into your own hands and practically giving Chenle and Gertrude a stroke in the process.

“Chenle, watch the patients while I’m gone”

“Gone? Are you going out to buy herbs?”, he asks.

“Nope. I’m going to go request an audience with the Prince”

“YOUNG LADY-”, Gertrude starts but you cut her off.

“You’re the one who’s wanted me to be with him from the start! You should be happy I’m doing something about it!”

“...so this isn’t a professional trip? It’s cause you like him?” she asks and you reluctantly nod. You’ve never been one to open up but it’s hard to close her out.

“That’s unprofessional”, Chenle says.

“Your face is unprofessional. Honestly, you look like you’re twelve”, Gertrude decides it’s an appropriate time to announce.

“Gertrude!”, you laugh and just leave because it’s not like it isn’t true.

You walk to the castle, figuring that even if they’re generous enough to let you in, they probably won’t want to deal with bringing your horse to the stables.

Which is irritating because it’s like a forty five minute walk and you were just sick last week.

But it’s worth it because you know he’s worth it. If he hears you out, that is.

Approaching the castle gates, the guards look less than pleased to see anyone for that matter.

“Do you have an official summons?”, one of them ask.

“No, but I need to speak to Johnny”

“Who? Is he that new guy working in the kitchens?”

“Uhhh yeah. He’s my,,,, boyfriend. And he left something at my house that he needs”

“...”, the guards just look at each other because they really don’t care.

“Right now”, you say with a false confidence you just hope they won’t see through.

And they don’t! They let you in and lead you to…. the kitchens.

Great.

Deciding you can’t just barge into the kitchens like an idiot, you do the only other logical thing.

Wander around and hope you don’t get caught.

You walk up what feel like exactly a kajiLLION stAIRS before you hear the delicate sound of piano.

Making your way down the hall very carefully, all whilst trying to give off an “I belong here so don’t bother me” aura, you draw nearer to the music.

And what do you know- it’s Johnny at the bench.

“So what- are you just good at everything AND loaded? Seems unfair”, you blurt out and he slams the keys in a crash of dissonant chords.

“How the hell-”, he starts, spinning around but remaining on the bench.

You tread into the practically empty ballroom, save for the piano. And the prince, of course.

“You think you can just not show up to work?”

“....I’m the prince. You said so yourself”

“And?”

“What do you mean ‘and’?”, he says, now standing up and walking over to you. He pulls you in the room and slams the door shut.

“I don’t care that you’re the prince. You’re still my apprentice and you have responsibilities at my practice”, you declare, having to crane your neck to meet his gaze.

“Oh. So that’s what this is about. Business”, he says and he almost seems,,,,, upset by it.

“Not- not entirely”, you force yourself to admit.

“What?”

“I told the guards our front that you were my boyfriend”, you blurt out and then mentally facepalm. “I mean- I told them that I had a boyfriend in the castle named Johnny and they didn’t seem to think that that’s you, so I guess you don’t go by that here which makes sense, so I said he works in the kitchens and-”

“I could be your boyfriend”, he says and you have to double check that you didn’t imagine it.

“You what?”

“I want to be your boyfriend. But I’d lied to you for so long that I didn’t think you’d want… me”, he confesses.

“Yeah, I’m REAL upset that the guy I like is secretly the prince of this country. Truly freaking devastated over here, could you go fetch me a bag of gold to cry into?”, you laugh and to your surprise, he laughs too.

He escorts you out of the castle, hand in hand (the sight made some maid drop her basket of laundry in shock), and the two of you ride on his horse back to your practice.

When you walk in, Chenle is drawing on a fake mustache and Gertrude is giving him tips on how to make it look realistic, and honestly- for once everything feels right.

With Johnny agreeing to stop by at least twice a week to help out with patients (and more days than that to spend time with you), everything is starting to fit into place.

An old lady, an actual twelve year old, and the goddamn priNCE are not the most conventional family, but they sure are yours. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[morganeuk]

The Doctor & the Librarian. (Sherlock AU)

Part 2: Brainy is the new sexy

(Read Part 1: Kissing is not required on Tumblr)

Summary: Three days before John talked (wrote in fact!) to a sassy librarian that helped him on a medical case but gived him a fake name…Now, he’s desperately want to talk to him again! 

“Who gives a false name at work?” Molly’s peals of laughter wake John from his daydreaming about a librarian! “Did I just say that aloud?” I totally forgot that I was at Bart’s on my lunch break! This is ridiculous!

“Yes, man, you did!” His friend Mike replies with a big smile. “You don’t see your face right now, you’ve got it solid man… Come on, what’s the story?”

“Have you found someone interesting? Oh John, I am so happy for you!” Molly often thinks about the ex-army doctor.  He’s always so lonely, except at work.  No girlfriend or boyfriend, no real contact with his family, no other friends, it is kind of sad after all he went through… “And WHAT… You don’t know her name? This is funny!”

“It’s a he, I think or it is also bullshit…” John mutters. “This is silly, just a mirage that will never become anything.” The high that he got after talking with his colleague about the diagnosis, because of the librarian’s cunning ability two days ago, was now gone.  I am stupid; I can’t fall for someone from a ten minutes discussion on a bloody helpline… Pathetic!

Looking at his friends, and with the promise that they won’t laugh at him, he relates with a defeated expression the short discussion.  "I contacted the Oxford Library helpline because I was needing an article to confirm a diagnosis, you know that case Churchill was rambling about? I spoke with a librarian, really sassy… As I am neither a student nor a member of staff he couldn’t give me the article because of licensing issues or whatever. He asked me to give him the symptoms… and confirmed my diagnosis in two minutes.“ John was still flabbergasted by the skills of the man. Or woman, God, this is ridiculous!

"He’s a intelligent bastard, for sure, and that’s was it?” Mike was glancing dubiously at his friend.

“It’s not all, he… I don’t know how to explain it, but he was able to… read me? deduce me? After only a few words he could tell that I was an ICU doctor! It’s more than being intelligent, he’s brilliant! And even after he was aware that I am a doctor, he put me in my place once or twice.” John has not been interested in someone like this in a long time.

“I think it’s wonderful!” Molly warns Mike with a not so soft kick under the table “… and we support anything you want to do to find him!”

“That’s the worst thing… I searched for him in the library directory, but no librarian is called William. He didn’t text me back and I don’t know what to do next…” He theatrically laid his head heavily on the cafeteria table with a big profound sigh. I’m back in college again!

Mike, finally unable to control himself, laughed out loud. “I can’t believe this, you give your REAL phone number to a bloke after 10 minutes…OUCH! Molly!!!!” Molly, who kicks her friend with all her strength (and the help of one of her pointy shoes), looks angelic and smiles as Mike narrows his eyes at her.

“Sorry, mate.” Mike was massaging his ankle under the table. “If you feel something this strong, you should find a way to get in touch with him. Have you tried to contact the helpline again?”

“Yes, a few times. But it’s not him… It’s some boring professional who would loooove to help but can’t because I’m not an ‘oxfordian’. Not a sassy, talented, curious, sexy librarian!”

“You can’t know if you’ll find him attractive, darling.” Molly was looking at John with sympathy.

Mike, having wisely moved out of reach from Molly’s point shoe, couldn’t resist. “Yeah, maybe he is an absolute geek with oily skin full of acne; or it’s an old man with hairs in his nose or a fifty-year-old man with a loving wife and three kids. The only thing you know for sure, it’s that he’s brainy!”

“Brainy is the new sexy…” John replies with a definitive tone, ending the discussion before going back to work.

That evening, John was once more in front of his computer.

Let’s try one last time… If I still came to nothing, I will go to Oxford! Oh God, I’m crazy… And what should I say? Hi! I’m looking for an unknown librarian, probably a man, and I hope really sexy, can you help me?

For the third night in a row, John sits in front of his laptop. Not wanting to ask directly 'Is it William?’, he inquired each time about something that should trigger a feisty reply. A simple question: “Is it possible to access to Oxford electronic resources outside the Campus?” should be perfect to trigger the inner sassiness of his librarian. So far, the responses are always similar No problem sir, do you have your ID number near, I will help you step by step. (Definitely not William!)

Ready, a fresh cup of tea nearby, he clicks on the now familiar, 'Talk to a Librarian’ link.

Help desk: How can I help you?

Guest: I have question.

Help desk: Good think you click on that link then… Go on and don’t be boring!

(Oh My God! It’s…)

Guest: Is it possible to access to Oxford electronic resources outside the Campus?

Help desk: Yes and everything is already well documented on our web site. You do know how Internet works, right?

(It’s him… A workplace can only have one cheeky sexy bastard or the whole ecosystem will collapse in on itself! Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in…)

Help desk: Are you still there? You know, it may be better for you to use only things in hard copy… we have a really wonderful collections of rare books and…

Guest: … William?

Help desk: (…) Yes?

Guest: It’s John, from the other night. (…) you remember, the diagnosis you helped me with?

Help desk: What can I do for you?  You’re still not a member of this institution I suppose?

Guest: Eh no, I’m not. (…) I just want to let you know that it was the right diagnosis and doctors are treating the patient accordingly.

Help desk: That’s… good?

Guest: Yes, it is! At least they know what they are dealing with.

Help desk: Is that all? I’ve got work to do.

Guest: What are you doing right now?

Help desk: You want to know what I am doing? Why?

Guest: I’m curious.  I know that you don’t do shelving or work the circulation desk and that you are not supposed to be on the Help desk line… but otherwise, nothing!

Help desk: It’s nothing that would interest you. Good night.

Guest: Don’t go!

Guest: William!

Guest: You didn’t log out, I know you can read me.

Guest: I’m curious, that’s all. I want to know more about you. I know nothing about you except you’re a librarian. You already guessed that I’m an ICU doctor…

Help desk: I DON’T GUESS!!

Guest: Gotcha!  But really, do you have something to do more interesting than flirting with me?

Help desk: Is it flirting? You can’t flirt with an unidentified man. I could be married with kids or old enough to be your father.  

Help desk: Or a serial killer.

Guest: I can say for sure that you’re not a serial killer (…) I don’t know what you are doing to me, but every time I think about our last conversation I can’t stop smiling.

Help desk: It’s only the satisfaction of solving a case. (…) It’s a familiar feeling I can appreciate.

Guest: Is this why you become a librarian? To find things, clues… Discover answers in the chaos of all the information?

Help desk: Yes, something like that.  (…) I (…) I need to keep my mind occupy.

Guest: You’ve got something like ADHD?

Help desk: Yeah… something like that.

Guest: What are you doing when you are not helping a helpless, 35-ish years old, blond, globally in shape and single doctor?

Help desk: Are you back to flirting?

Guest: I’ve never quit ;-)

Help desk: sigh… ok I will reply to your question seriously then you will let me go back to work.  I’m a librarian in-situ, that’s mean that I’m working in a faculty, directly with the professors and the researchers and helping them in their projects. I’m doing the help desk only when nobody else is available.

Help desk: Satisfied?

Guest: Yes :-) Ta. This is a great job to participate in the creation of new knowledge and discoveries. That’s pretty impressive when you’re thinking about it. One more thing and I’ll let you go.

Help desk: What?

Guest: Your real name? Please…

(Help desk is disconnected)

Shit… He picked up his cup of tea and slowly sips the now lukewarm liquid when a musical 'bing’ resonates in the room. Opening his phone, he reads the new text message from an unknown caller.

“It’s Sherlock. -SH”

He quickly saves the number and the name in his directory. The hope of something new, anything, brings a huge smile to his face.

Read the complete series here! http://archiveofourown.org/series/770607

[queen-scribbles]

Like Mother, Like Daughter

For @pillarspromptsweekly fill 92: Mother. I was oh so very tempted by a variety of combos, but in the end went with Adi and her mama. Magda’s cool, and Adi takes after her a lot.

Adela loved her mother.

She really, truly did. Mama was the one who sparked her love for learning, fed her near-limitless curiosity, the one who listened the longest when Adela started rambling about some new discovery(even if their interests differed). They had a bond, a connection through their scholarly pursuits.

None of that made the words ‘Clean your room’ any more fun to hear.

“This place is a fire waiting to happen,” Mama said, with pointed glances at the books and scrolls piled on the floor, desk, shelves, even Adela’s bed. “One tipped candle and the whole house is in danger, dear,” she added with a gentle laugh. “Please try to wrangle your hoard into place on the bookshelves. Maybe a few on the desk.”

“Yes, Mama,” Adela nodded, swallowing a protest about how it was more comfortable reading in bed or the floor was best for spreading out large projects for comparison. She didn’t even know where she was going to start; the mess of reading materials had admittedly gotten out of hand.

Mama smiled and reached down to smooth back Adela’s hair before tipping her chin up. “I know exactly how overwhelming this sort of project can seem. Would you like some help?”

She nodded again, sighing with relief. “Yes, please.”

Mama chuckled. “Let me go check on the boys. If they’re both still napping, I’ll give you a hand. Start thinking about what you want to tackle first while you wait, hm?”

Adela did just that; deciding that getting the shelves organized was most important if that’s where everything was supposed to go. Once that was settled in her mind, she found herself too impatient to wait for Mama and set to work on her own. She did her work with such gusto, she was halfway through the first set of shelves before Mama made it back to her room. Unfortunately her plan meant making the room messier before she could make it neater; it would be much easier to get all the books in their proper place if she essentially started from scratch.

She saw the look in Mama’s eyes, the heartbeat where she almost commented on the increased disarray, before smiling in understanding of her daughter’s plan. “Good thinking, Adi. This way will save you from shifting shelves back and forth as you put things away.”

“Exactly!” Adela said cheerfully, hopping down from her step stool. “The stuff that’s out is so disparate, both alphabetically and topically, I figure it’s better to get it sorted out on the floor. Then I can put it all away in one go.”

“That’s my girl,” Mama said proudly. She pushed her spectacles up to rest atop her head. “How would you like me to help?”

“Um...” Adela bit her lip in thought a moment. “You can work on the scrolls.” They were the easiest part of this mess, and it wouldn’t have felt right to give Mama the harder job. Both because she was Mama and she spent so many nights up late, rocking Zac through another fit of colic. “Collect the ones you can find, organize them by... topic, I guess, is better for scrolls, then put them in the slots.” She gestured toward the standing rack on her desk/ She didn’t have nearly as many scrolls as books, and most of those were borrowed, so it was best to keep them apart, somewhat.

Mama nodded and started gathering scrolls. Most were already on the desk--or the floor nearby--just haphazardly piled, but a few had wound up part of her reading last night so were on the bed.

“What are you working on right now?” Mama asked as she gave each scroll a cursory glance to figure out how to sort it.

“Oh, the paper for Master Izel about the initial Aedyran expansion or colonization. I’m still trying to decide which sounds more neutral,” she admitted. “I don’t want to sound biased.”

“If that’s what you’re working on, then this is out of place,” Mama said, handing over a--frustratingly thin--book on the explorers of the Deadfire. “I haven’t seen that one before; is it another Lottie book?”

Adela nodded and scanned one of her book stacks to find where the slim volume belonged. “Yeah. She knows I’m trying to get my hands on anything that mentions Ilhana Guiserre, an’ she’s in this book..” She made a face. “Not nearly as much as I would like, but at least it was new information. Some more details about her attempt to find Ukaizo.”

“Mm...” The next scroll Mama found earned Adela a borderline reproachful look that would have been far more intimidating over the rims of her spectacles, but still did the trick. “Adela, what’s this?”

Oops. She’d forgotten she still had that one. “Just a short treatise on some... creative uses for a couple of Arkemyr’s spells.”

“Didn’t we agree you would wait until you were sixteen to learn any of Arkemyr’s contributions to the wizarding arts?” Mama’s tone was still lightly scolding, with a note of wry humor underneath. So she wasn’t in big trouble just yet.

“Yes, but I wasn’t trying to learn them, Mama, just curious how the author manipulated the existing spell energy for a different purpose than originally intended. ‘Specially with Arkemyr’s spells,” Adela explained, playing with her braid. “‘M actually done with it, just forgot to take it back.”

Mama chuckled as she started rolling up the scroll. “You are going to make an amazing wizard when you finish your studies, dove. And a top-notch scholar to boot. Do you really think you’ll remember these tricks when you start learning Arkemyr’s spells?” she asked, setting the scroll on the desk.

Adela squinted and bit her lip, wanting ti give an honest, thought-out answer.  “Probably? I still remember things from when I was ten an’ twelve. So it probably won’t get pushed out in just two years.” She shrugged. “And if it does, I’ll learn it again. If I want to. I’m not sure how many of Arkemyr’s spells I’ll actually care about; I just was curious and didn’t wanna wait to read that.”

Mama smiled as she looked through the tousled covers on Adela’s bed for any straggler scrolls. “I understand that urge all too well.” She laid the blanket back, mostly neat, when her search was done. “One of the texts I needed for my most recent study was out from the library and I nearly burst from impatience waiting for it to come back so I could have it. I just want to be sure you’re pacing yourself, Adi. Not reading anything you can’t handle.”

“I am,” Adela promised. “Pacing myself, I mean.” It was mostly--usually--true. But there was so much to learn. “What was this last study about? You seemed more invested than the few before it.”

The change of subject worked, and they spent the remainder of their time chatting about various research they’d done; whether for pleasure or purpose, and ranking the enjoyment of the latter. It made things go much faster, and before Adela knew it, they were halfway through shelving the freshly sorted books--aside from the volume on Readceran culture, that went by her bed--when Sirra poked her head in to let Mama know Zac was awake.

“I can finish by myself,” Adela piped up. “He’s probably real hungry by now, an’ it is my room. I should be the one doing most of the work, anyway.”

Mama smiled again and kissed the top of her head. “You’re a good girl, my dove. Once you’re done in here and I’ve settled your brother, perhaps we’ll have time to return that scroll and get you some new recreational reading, hm?”

She brightened and nodded. “That would be great, Mama. Thank you!” School reading on such an interesting topic as a another country’s culture was all well and good, but something new that was purely for fun would be fabulous. She hoped Zac calmed down fast, and Isi was in a good mood when he woke up. “Oh! And thank you, Sirra,” she amended, flashing a smile at her sister, who would likely wind up watching the boys(and Tia) if she and Mama did go to the library.

“Happy to help,” Sirra said with a cheerful shrug. “And Teinan was planning to visit after dinner, maybe I can rope him into helping if you two lose all track of time.”

“If he likes you much as I think he does, that shouldn’t be a problem,” Adela teased, batting her eyelashes playfully from halfway up the bookshelf.

Sirra rolled her eyes, but her ears twitched back in exasperation. “Adi....”

“Adela, don’t tease your sister. Especially since she’s helping,” Mama admonished.

“Sorry, Sir,” Adela said contritely as she climbed down.

“Eh.” Sirra smirked. “I’ll getcha back when you’re older and it’s your turn to have fellas calling on you.”

“Sounds fair.” Also, far enough off, Sirra would probably forget her threat long before it happened. “Now, lemme finish so Mama and I can go to the library.”

Sirra ducked out, and Mama was smiling as she followed. Of course she knew what a motivation ‘more books’ would be for her daughter. Adela was, after all, a lot like her mother.

[fanfics-await-you]

Sometimes It Comes Down to a Choice (Part 2)

Pairing: Christopher Pike x Female OC

Takes place some point in the future after the events of the Red Angel

Summary: Alina has always carried a secret flame for her Captain and she's always known that it could never lead anywhere. However, the combination of a party and some drunken words might just make that a little more complicated. The only problem, everything just seems to be going wrong. Who knows, maybe a proper goodbye is just what they need.

Tags: angst, injury, a pair of dumbasses unnecessarily complicating things

Notes: lol, because i’m such a cliche, this situation is loosely based on an interaction w an ex. also, sorry if they seem like coherent drunks but i thought this was better then just them just smashed and the ensuing “WELL YOU’RE PRETTY GOOD LOOKING, YOU KNO- *barf*” Let’s just take the angle of liquid bravery. also, i say pike smiles a lot because he DOES. he’s very SMILEY.

Word Count: 1,277

masterlist

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

———

Why do I always put myself in these situations?!

I had told myself at the beginning of the night that 1) don’t get drunk because alcohol makes you talkative and 2) stay away from the Captain because alcohol makes you talkative. I have already failed on all points. We just keep drifting together no matter what I do, and the combination of over-keen pourers and nerves in general means that I am far more intoxicated than I planned.

“Look, I’m telling you Michael, it was life or death.”

“I would believe you, sir, but I have found that you are prone to exaggeration.”

“That stings, Burnham, it really does.”

On the other hand, Chris has never looked so good. A broad, warm smile rests comfortably on his face and only the touch of red across his cheeks hints that he’s been drinking. His eyes shine as he and Michael continue their back and forth. I’m not really listening to their conversation despite its volume. I am just happy to watch my people laugh and my Captain relax.

“Alina, back me up here!”

I’m forcefully jolted back into focus by all eyes in the conversation turning to me. I grin somewhat bashfully and mumble out a ‘yeah, sure’, entirely unaware of what I’m agreeing to. Everyone laughs at my confusion except for Chris, who gives me a quiet smile that is meant for only me.

“Now Captain, that is unfair. Of course Osborne would agree with you,” Michael’s tone is gently mocking.

I raise an eyebrow at her, trying to fight the blush rising up my face. She raises her hands in mock surrender but the smile doesn’t disappear. I down the rest of my drink, though it’s not lost on me that it does nothing to remove Michael’s gaze.

“Uh…Of course, I should be able to rely on my officers to support me!” Chris’ tone is joking but the red on his cheeks deepens markedly.

Huh.

The conversation eventually falls back into rhythms but I feel a touch at my shoulder after a few minutes.

“Osborne, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah, sure Burnham.”

We step away from the group and I turn to face her. I know she’s been drinking but her usual friendly but stoic facade remains in place. I cross my arms, waiting for Michael to speak.

“What is going on between you two?”

Ah, the question I really don’t want to deal with right now.

“Nothing!”

…

“Seriously, Michael, there’s nothing!”

“Okay, we both know that that is not true. You two need to get over whatever this-“ she pauses to gesture between Chris and myself-“ is because the rest of us are just waiting for this to finally be done with. Seriously, you have been running in circles around each other for months!”

The realisation that my little ‘crush’ has been public knowledge for so long completely throws me. I feel so thoroughly exposed that I can’t think for a second. I know that I’m blushing red and hot, and Burnham places a hand on my shoulder.

“I never said it was something to be ashamed of, Alina. Love is nothing to fea-“

“Thanks, Michael, I think I just need a minute.”

I’m probably being rude but honestly, I need to get my thoughts in order. I walk away from the bustle and the music towards the loading bay gateway. There is something I find strangely grounding about knowing that beyond the mere metres of holofield before me, an entire universe of empty space exists beyond my reach or control. I walk behind a storage container and sit slowly, leaning back against the cool metal. The static of my thoughts echoes around my head as I consider the silent stars before me.

“Are you alright?”

Of course he would be the one to find me.

I look up at Chris and allow myself the quick luxury of just admiring him. His white shirt is tight across his shoulders and I can see the athletic line of his legs through his charcoal grey slacks. The light of the holofield fights with the general darkness of the bay to paint his face in gentle silver, highlighting the strong strokes of his features. Chris is dressed simple and plain but by the Heavens, he looks as close to perfect as I am capable of understanding. However, his eyes are contorted with concern.

“Yes, don’t worry. It’s just…Michael brought up…some stuff that-it’s complicated, let’s just say that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly, no.”

Chris sits down beside me, close enough that I can feel the warmth of his skin. Its heat is an unwelcome distraction to my already restless mind.

“What do you want to talk about, then?”

You stumble, “Um-I don’t know…anything?”

Chris chuckles quietly, “Burnham must’ve really thrown you if you, Alina Osborne, have nothing to say.”

I send him a mock glare that only widens his smile. I look away to the stars and try to think of something.

Oh, of course.

“What about the stars?”

It’s dumb and cliché but they’re the only things coming to mind. I don’t dare look at him, out of fear of judgement or something equally as painful.

“What about them?” his tone is curious and, as I should have expected, kind.

I throw my hand out towards space while I try and find the right words, “Everything! I mean, we’re both Starfleet, so you must’ve felt something pulling you towards the stars too, right? Didn’t you look up and wonder what was out there? Beyond the telescopes and the info-vids? Because I did…Still do. We live in a universe of possibility and mystery, and it makes me sad sometimes that I’ll never get to see it all and-I am rambling, I’m so sorry…We-we should get back.”

A blend of passion and alcohol had just made the words tumble out of me with reckless abandon, and now I’m embarrassed all over again for different reasons. I move to rise but a steady hand on my arm causes me to pause.

“Alina, there’s nowhere I would rather be right now…Stay. Please.”

I resume my seat but I am completely lost for words once again. Nowhere…a little spark of hope flickers into life at the base of my stomach, and for the first time I don’t immediately douse it. Of course, he could mean that he was sick of the crowd or simply interested in talk of stars but…

—

So we talk. We talk endlessly of stars, Starfleet, old friends, history, home, and everything in between until the growing quiet tells us that the party is drawing to a close. Chris is so deeply thoughtful and intelligent that I could speak to him for days or years, and never run out of things to say. I am so desperate to hang on to this conversation, this carved-out moment that is so distinctly our’s. He seems no more keen to leave than I am, but I can feel our time running short.

“What was that festival from your homeworld called again? Haal’i? You never did explain it.”

“Hal’ai. It’s kinda complicated to explain. Once day a year, no one uses electric lights for the whole day across the whole planet. It-“

“You’re telling me that everyone does it without fail?”

I wave my hand offhandedly, “Ok, fine. Nearly everyone. Just all the people in any form of settlement, but maybe there’s some hermits who use the occasional torch. Happy?” I raise an eyebrow while Chris grins in return.

“Yes, thank you. You know I’m a stickler for the details.”

“May I continue?

“If you would, please.”

I give him a joking side-look but turn my gaze back to the stars, “As I was saying, we turn off all the lights. The whole idea of Hal’ai is to sit in true darkness and look to the stars. It’s supposed to remind us of the true beauty of nature and our responsibility to the life around us. I always loved that concept, but also the profound feeling of Hal’ai that we’re part of something so much bigger that ourselves. It’s a feeling I’ve only ever found in one other place.”

“Where?” Chris’ word is whispered, like he’s afraid to break the reverie.

I smile wide, at no one in particular at all, “Starfleet. On board the U.S.S. Discovery. Standing by your side.”

I turn back to Chris, not caring if I seem absurd because I’m swept up in my love for my home, my vessel and, possibly most of all, him. Not that it matters, because the grin stretched across his face tells me that he knows exactly what I mean. Before I can react, before I can even close my eyes, Chris’ mouth is on mine. His lips are velvety and warm, and I can feel his hands hot against my cheeks. He tastes ever-so-slightly of liquor but I am intoxicated by the feeling of his skin flush against mine. Eventually, my brain catches up and I push back against him, trying to drown in the feeling of his mouth. I lean into Chris, my own hands beginning to travel up his chest, when he abruptly pauses and pulls away. I am left like an astronaut without air, simply grasping for oxygen and a tether.

“I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t have done that.”

What?

What?!

“I don’t understand, Chris. What did I-“

“You didn’t do anything, Alina, I just-I’m your captain, and you’re my officer!”

He’s become somewhat frantic, pushing his hair back repeatedly while looking anywhere but at me. The realisation is beginning to sink in, piece by piece. Surprisingly, something that resembles anger is what rises to the surface.

“I’m going to need a little more than that, Chris.”

He looks back at me and all I can see is the distress in his eyes, “It’s not that I don’t want this, it’s- it can’t happen! Not with our jobs, with our positions!”

I can’t find the words. After everything, Chris feels the same as me (he feels the same), but he’s letting our jobs-

“What are you talking about?!” The anger is showing now, “Our jobs?! Like a captain and an officer have never-it’s not-I don’t…Look, if you want pin this on drunken stupidity, fine, but don’t lie to me!”

Chris’ face goes slack and he leans in until our foreheads are touching and I can his breath on my lips. As much as anger still charges through my veins, I am paralysed by the touch of him. He takes a breath and then another, like he’s trying to find the strength to speak.

“Alina…” Chris says my name like I might disappear. “Never think that I don’t care about you, that I wouldn’t give you the world if I could. It’s just-I have a responsibility to my crew and I can’t let you change that. I can’t put your life above the rest of my crew. If it comes down to saving you or my crew, I can’t-“

The anger drains out of me like it was never there to begin with. A bone-deep weariness is starting to take its place.

“That’s what this is about? Some theoretical future where you have to choose me or them? Chris, please, don’t.”

“I should never have kissed you, as much as I wanted to. I thought I could control myself and then you started talking about stars and us, and…I am so sorry it came to this.” He tucks a strand behind my ear, and the little gesture almost breaks me.

I swallow back whatever is threatening to rise, “Since it seems like I don’t get a say in this-don’t, let me finish-just do one last thing for me.”

“Anything.”

“Kiss me one last time and then walk away. Prove to me that you can leave and not come back because I need you to be sure, Chris. If you go…I won’t sit around, waiting for you to come back. I can’t hold on to you, hoping that one day you’ll choose me.”

Chris pulls back and pushes his palms onto his eyes while shaking his head like he can’t believe this is happening. Every line of tension in his body screams anguish and I don’t get it because Chris is choosing this. I am desperate for him and he is pushing me away.

He places his hand on my cheek and I can’t help but lean into him. “You don’t understand…That’s the problem, Alina. I want to choose you, I will always want to choose you, but I can’t. I just can’t.”

Chris leans in slowly and I close my eyes as our lips touch. I place both hands on his chest while he threads his arms around my waist, gently pulling me flush against him. The kiss is as soft as an echo and as sweet as it is bitter. Inch by inch, my hands climb to intertwine in Chris’ hair and I can feel him shiver slightly against me. I want to remember every second of this, every short moment of Chris being completely mine. But then, too soon, far too soon, he’s pulling back slightly. His hands continue to draw flickering circles along my waist while Chris just studies my face and I wait for him to say that he’s changed his mind, that he can’t leave.

“Maybe in another life.”

Chris leans in to place a gentle, lingering kiss on my forehead, then turns around and walks away.

Just like that.

Just like that, I had held him and lost him, all in the space of a few hours. A feeling of intense loss swiftly crashes over me and I have to cover my mouth to silence the sobs. I lean back and just let the tears fall for a while, let my heart feel this loss. Then, when I finally find the strength, I slowly rise and stand, staring out the stars. Then, as alone as I had started this evening, I steadily walk back to my room.

———

i’m always a slut for unnecessary tension. also, DON’T WORRY, THERE’S ANOTHER PART

[fallout4holmes]

Journal 10

The Personal Journal of Mr. S. Holmes

Diamond City, The Commonwealth, 2288

We made good time to Sanctuary, arriving just as the day started to dim. Preston met us at the bridge. “Good to see you, General!”

“Preston!” We shook hands, “I see things have been going well. Some of the houses look practically whole, and there are a few faces I don’t recognize.”

“Things are going great, General. I’ll give you the grand tour in a bit. Hello, Shaun, Nick - hey, boy!” He knelt down to give Dogmeat a scratch along his neck, sending the dog’s tail wagging furiously.

“Do I have to call you Colonel?” Shaun asked.

Preston chuckled, “You can call me Preston. Oh, before I forget, General. Curie will want to see you. She’s been hard at work on some sort of discovery involving mutfruit and stimpaks -”

“Monsieur Holmes!” Curie’s voice rang out over Sanctuary. She was more excited than I’d ever seen her, running up to take my hand, “I am so glad to see you! I have done it! This great experiment, I have felt inspiration! Come, let me show you!”

“I’ll meet you at the training grounds!” Preston called as I managed to disengage, following her.

Her breakthrough truly was impressive, improving the restorative properties of stimpaks. Not earthshaking, perhaps, but a promising start. Most importantly, it was a clear demonstration that independent inspiration is something she can feel and process, despite starting her existence as a robot. She thanked me, a thousand times over, for making it possible.

Curie started to walk with me, but was called away by Sturges, deep in conversation with Shaun. I imagine the topic of discussion was Shaun’s desire to ‘fix’ Valentine. I continued on my own to the training ground, still unfinished, but clearly in use. Half a dozen men and women in Minutemen uniform stood at attention in an open area on the western side of town, the trees just recently cleared. Danse stood before them, every bit the officer before his troops.

“I’m impressed,” he said. “You’ve gone above and beyond my expectations for your performance these past few weeks,” he walked down the line, pausing at the last soldier for dramatic effect, “which means I’m clearly not training you hard enough.” To their credit, not a single soldier reacted. Danse resumed his position front and center, “General. I was just about to dismiss them for the evening.”

“By all means, Lt. Col. I’m here for a few days, there will be plenty of time for you to show me what they can do.”

If I hadn’t been watching for it, I would have missed his grin. “Yes, sir. You are dismissed.”

All six recruits instantly relaxed with a sigh of relief and made their way into town, acknowledging me with a quick greeting as they passed. Danse followed. “Garvey told me you were coming. You made good time.”

“Yes, it was uneventful… where is Preston, he said to meet him here.”

“He was distracted by your son.”

I turned and saw them approaching. Shaun’s pace increased as they got closer, “Danse! I mean, lieutenant colonel, I guess. I asked Preston and he said you should be the one to help with something but it’s for my dad and he can’t know what it is.”

I chuckled at the sight of a ten year old boy eagerly attempting to be conspiratorial with a soldier in power armor. Danse’s brow furrowed. “I don’t understand what you’re asking, but if it’s something your father can’t know about, we probably shouldn’t try to talk about it in his presence.”

“Well, he knows I’m working on a surprise, but he doesn’t know what it is.”

“Let’s keep it that way. Explain it to me tomorrow.”

Preston laughed, “Come on, Shaun, let’s get you some supper. One of the new settlers turned out to be a heck of a cook.”

Danse and I followed at a slower pace. “You seem in your element,” I said.

“The situation has improved since you were last here. I wasn’t sure anyone would accept me as any sort of authority,” he admitted, “but I think I’ve established a solid foundation with the recruits. The settlers are at least welcoming, for the most part. Polite, if not friendly, which is far more than I expected. The Minutemen cause is a noble one. As long as it doesn’t fall into disorganization and becoming too charitable for its own good, there’s a decent chance it will succeed.”

“I’m glad to hear it. How are you getting along with the Colonel?”

“Garvey is bearable.” At my skeptical expression, he sighed. “Garvey is a capable soldier, and a skilled commander in combat. He took control during the last raider attack with ease and efficiency. The raiders didn’t stand a chance. However, he completely lacks the sort of authoritative discipline I expect from a commanding officer.”

“Your last one did rely a great deal on charismatic speeches and glowering.”

He laughed, sudden and surprised. “Yes. It’s strange to take orders from a man who speaks softly and expects his order to be challenged, rather than obeyed.”

“That’s part of the reason I asked you to do this, Danse. Preston needs someone to support his command, and someone he can turn to for honest advice.”

“I don’t think there’s much chance of him coming to me for advice.”

“Give it time.”

We found the settlement’s residents gathered at a recently constructed restaurant, of a sort. More of a mess hall, fitting with Sanctuary’s new military purpose, but open to everyone. Valentine stood outside it.

“Garvey mentioned you were bringing the family,” Danse said, leaving his question unspoken.

It was a question I had been asking myself of late. “Honestly, a family trip was Valentine’s idea. Codsworth elected to remain behind, though that reminds me to invite Sturges to tea on his behalf.”

Danse frowned, processing the fact that I’d just indirectly claimed Valentine as a part of the family. Well, why shouldn’t I? I expected some sort of comment or protest or at the very least a question of clarification, but my third in command surprised me. “Tea?”

I smiled, strangely proud. “It’s a joke between them - Valentine, do you know where -”

“Shaun’s already inside with Sturges, Preston, and Curie, trying to figure out a way to fix my face,” he said with a smile. “Futile effort, but I appreciate the sentiment. Danse.”

Valentine’s greeting was laced with its usual polite wariness, but this time Danse’s was simple acknowledgement. “Valentine.”

I gestured we go inside and join the rest. The remainder of the evening was simple camaraderie. Shaun was full of questions for everyone, and the Minutemen and settlers had questions of their own for the General, and the detectives. Publick Occurrences has even made its way up here. Piper will be pleased.

Now Shaun sleeps in his childhood room, and I sit on the sofa in what used to be my living room. Valentine is seeing to the maintenance of his right hand beside me. I’m almost convinced it doesn’t actually need fixing, but is more of a meditative habit than anything else. Then again, it is exposed, while the left hand is not, and thus likely suffers more daily wear and tear. Likely a bit of both, then.

I’m starting to ramble, clearly I need sleep.

[wreckthelist]

on ‘BE’ing here: part i

rambling of sorts on Grammy nominated artist Bangtan Sonyeondan

(note 1: I was planning to complete this the day of the nomination, but judging from the state of how things are - this right here is the opportune moment to, as my friend Mint had put it, clear out whatever I’ve been wanting to do but didn’t get the time to)

When Spotify announced, loud and clear, on that 2020 Year-End summary instagram story, Dynamite was the song that helped me through 2020 (this fuck-up of a year), that wasn’t an understatement.

I’ve seen Bangtan before, heard of them in passing, even (slightly, really slightly - when you’re hanging out in film-dom or western doms, I doubt you’d come in contact with a full-fledged Korean dom as it is, or perhaps my circles were small and quite closed in on themselves. Regardless!) - and opened that Boy With Luv SNL performance for my parents on the TV in the living room, not long after they went on the show. But it took that one song, one full English song, for me to listen.

(sorry and thank you Namjoon for that diss. Yes, the song’s message’s definitely digestible and easy to consume - for foreign, western audiences. No one much had to care what you guys had to say way back when and they were wrong for it.)

Dynamite pretty much saved my life. (Still waiting for that damn vinyl, BigHit. Think I’ll get it come new year’s.) 

The first time I started listening, I couldn’t really stop. I think I played and replayed and replayed the song 20++ times as I did mundane household chores which were asked of me in the morning. Sunday August 24th, my life was transformed (and my digital and physical wallets along with it. Sobs.)

I had no idea who was singing which part, no idea which boy was which, but what got me in, locked and loaded and in place, were the beats, the uplifting sounds that got me dancing again after a messy heartbreak caused by a personification of immaturity who had refused to let go. I was only one week into my new job (old job again now. Such is the way of life - and we lead separate ones now, no reason to cry over invisible lives and imagined smiles or smirks of satisfactions I am not in any current position privy to - or will ever be. Thank God.) 

Then there were the messages - the lyrics - “I’m diamond, you know I glow up.” - I mean, Yes, Fucking YES - Kim Seokjin, of course I’m a piece of precious Jewel. Of course I am one and whole of myself and one of a kind (apologies for being cliches, felt good to type out loud right). Asked on Twitter who the “other black-haired” guy was and learned that it was Hobi. Spent time watching a couple of interviews, took 3 hours to tell the boys apart (”You had a lot of free time,” Shareef said, amused, and I quite abashedly admitted to him yes.), and picked him as my bias (little did I know).

I was attracted (still am) to sunshine. I needed smiles and laughters like his in my life. He stood out to me in almost every interview, beaming with his heart-shaped lips and his eternal catchphrase - “I’m your hope.” I was exactly at that point in my life when I needed to hear that. From him, in that voice, from those lips, with those eyes.

And I thought, dear god. I’m always attracted to guys who bring smiles to my face. Of course it has to be him.

(Natalie replied “You’ve joined the party!” in a reply to my screencap of Taehyung wearing those adorable black-rimmed glasses on Stephen Colbert not long after. 

That Beatles-Boy With Luv performance remains one of my favorites.)

Bangtan has since performed and performed and performed Dynamite, and to this day I and the rest of the fandom have witnessed and seen about 30++ performances of Dynamite, and it has yet to grow old on us. (Well.) I swear I can still play the song at least once a day, and that irresistible bubble of hope in Jungkook’s voice in the opening simply shines through. The rest of the song just does its magic - every single time.

I mean, “Life is sweet as honey,” “I’m in the stars tonight,”? Talk about hope, about confidence, looking forward. Straight and simple as that. I had yet to discover what BTS truly has in store.

Note 2: My favorite dance move in the performance itself is Hoseok’s, for the Japanese taping (FNS Music Festival) right here. 

After Dynamite, I burned through the usual favorites, seeing as there was a literal treasure trove of Bangtan songs to discover and listen to, thanks also to this chart.

Go Go and Pied Piper are fun teases to listen to every now and then. Their Halloween dance practice and MNet countdown (I could die over Tae’s clear-rimmed glasses) are bundles of colorful energy. (Until I came across Lotte 2018 Jungkook?! Adding Best of Me here because it’s become a recent favorite. Dance moves are impeccable. There was a stint in my life where I was watching the Airplane Pt. 2 MV almost every day because of how in love I was over Taehyung’s whole look - pink hair, flowing robes, and how the boys pull off their outfits. )

I proceeded mainly through the orange branch, bought myself a few Love Yourself albums along the way, and the day I saw this Min Yoongi in In the Soop, my Bangtan life took a turn.

Yep. Simplicity.

What’s not to fall in love with?

One of my current, low-ranking regrets may include having forgotten the exact moment I first listened to Trivia: 轉 Seesaw, but I fell hard and deep. To that point of no return when I read the lyrics and that analogy Yoongi had penned.

I mean, add Autumn Leaves (the complexity of layered notes, beats, and resulting emotions... ah) and you’ve got this king of breakup songs right here.

What beautiful words, what gorgeous language. I wish I could learn Korean just to fully appreciate the message.

Another friend recommended me Butterfly and I lost my shit realizing they referenced Murakami.

More obscure songs like 134340, Paradise and Sea I didn’t get to till much later. Whalien 52 could make me cry just with the lyrics alone (I doubt my exes had ever felt that level of emotional toward me - the more tragic thing is that the doubt would always exist). Just One Day was that track I had on loop this one afternoon I had to go into town for a dinner party, and Miss Right was an accidental discovery that had me grinning and blushing to the boys’ voices alone, same as 21st Century Girl (’Cause you’re my only girl, oh yea. If you love me, just say it straight. We love a confident but committed guy.) 

*Dope is that one MV I waited to watch because of my love of uniforms and managed to get to on a day I could not recall.

*This MIC Drop MAMA performance is the hottest clothes-on, turn on performance I’ve ever watched.

Coffee was the track I first listened to on a drive back from a rather unsuccessful and uneventful beach (bitch?!) trip, and the bitter nostalgia cut me deep. Jungkook’s voice could string up my soul any day of the week. Yes, baby, I still drink Caramel Macchiato every time I think of you - the song, not the person, or any person at all.

I discovered HOME because of this comfy Kimmel performance and died over the camaraderie and obvious ties they have as a family.

Plus a blue-themed home, uh, have you seen my bedroom, sir?

Boy With Luv will cheer me up any time of day - no thoughts but blue haired Tae and bubblegum pink haired #Jimim, indeed. (That mirroring of a glow-up from the 상 남자 of Boy In Luv is genius. Girl, ‘m not begging for you no more, but letting you know that I’m whole and ready and intent on keeping you safe.)

Spring Day I listened to on an off day in October and wrenched my own heart over the lyrics, even starting off a chapter in one of my fics with the verses that hit me most in particular.

The ON:E concert re-introduced me properly to Filter, My Time (sexy personified as a performance), Persona, Interlude: Shadow, Ego, UGH!, Moon (Prince Kim Seokjin - you have my heart, and my light, always), and 00:00 (picked up through Twitter that it was the song for personal therapy and reminded me of that quote - nothing good ever happens between midnight and 2am, go to sleep. Add 2!3!, which I’d properly listened to after viewing the ON:E exhibit, to this and we are done.) 

It wasn’t until I listened to Blood, Sweat, and Tears that I went full-blown head over heels (more than I was before). I’m a musical theater kid, have always been at heart, and those boys dancing in the suits and literature and arts references. You could have just plunged that knife a bit deeper into my heart.

Needless to say that I bought Demian couple of days after (my 3rd Herman Hesse! Regrettably not my favorite.) 

Blood, Sweat and Tears joins my own mini self-compilation of songs on the attraction and sublime relishing of a toxic relationship. That sweet temptation that’s so lush in theory yet acidic in real life.

You’re willing to give it all to this person, this passion, this love, this lure of attraction, imprisonment, and just lose yourself.

You’re begging to be hurt, even when you know it.

You’re asking to stay bathed in acid, drown yourself in punishment, and you’re okay. As long as the “you” in the lyrics is ok - to have you.

You’ve signed over your mind, your body and soul - “I know well they’re all yours” - what sinful admittance, what a delicious way to say you’re under the other’s spell. Not like I haven’t been there before (fitting to think of Jimin holding that apple. God.)

“Peaches and Cream/Sweeter than Sweet/Chocolate Cheeks and Chocolate Wings” - talk about dessert, about diabetic, diabolical sweetness that both indulge and burn your soul. These are saccharine metaphors and goddamn if I wasn’t and am all over them. 

Sweet as they are, they melt - they expire, they’re tangible but transient, and you’ve chosen to have them anyway, just to taste them, just to know, to satisfy your sense and just to possess.

“There is a ‘bitter’ next to your ‘sweet’“ - this is my kind of writing. My kind of getting your sweet now and being punished for it later, the kind my friend had commented before of living for today and choosing to forgo the punishments of tomorrow that you’re all too aware of.

And here comes Hoseok! 

Kiss me, it's okay if it hurts Just make it as tight As that I can't feel the pain anymore

Goddamn. That Blade Runner 2049 phrase about how pain makes you human - this is next level of hurting just so you could feel. This is hurting to know that it’s real - that the ‘you’ exists - and this “tightness”, this tense sensation, is only reminding you that the lover(?) is worth the pain (grit your teeth and continue!)

Baby, it's okay if I get drunk I'll drink you in deep now Deep into my throat The whiskey that is you

Intoxication - another one of my favorite topics sprouting a platitude of interpretations. Aside from being a sucker (and loving it myself) of saying “baby,” (signaling intimacy, no less) - this is an artful, eloquent way to sketch another version of “love is the/a drug,” which the lover/”you” is consciously consuming with consent.

There’s a repeat in the “d’s” that definitely conjures an imagery of diving deeper and deeper into a bottomless abyss, or of drinking your bottles dry - but this is a translation so that’s that.

But where we have been (or were) in love, we could feel the other person intoxicating, consuming us, consuming our senses, straying our conscience, blurring the lines among reality, reasoning and our own thoughts and what they may have driven us to think or view, just like alcohol or drugs would lead you to do. That inebriated state would be just a self-enriching cycle of docile submission and self-driven continuance.

It doesn't matter if it hurts Tie me up so I can't escape Hold me tight and shake me up So that I can't come to my senses

Like Jimin with the cloth over his eyes in the MV, this is another conscious decision to be held imprisoned, bounded, senses so disrupted you’re choosing to stay. I don’t know about you, but there’s an inkling of weakness in me when I’d chosen to do that, to opt for that choice and stay in something I was fully aware from experience wasn’t going to last (’can’t come to my senses’) but choosing to blind myself to indulge in the fleeting sweetness anyway.

When you’re making that firm and persistent decision to beg for pain and consciously choosing to numb your senses so you could feel nothing else but what you may have thought you desire to feel - you’ve got it bad, baby. That absinth’s hit you hard.

(And we love it.)

Kiss me on the lips A secret just between the two of us Deeply poisoned by the jail of you I cannot worship anyone but you and I knew The grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway 

Yoongi’s “Kiss me”, like his “불타오르네” (and obviously “용서해줄게“)  in Fire may as well linger in my ears as my personal on-demand whisper sounds. His voice is that sexy as fuck ASMR I never knew I needed (and queue Ben Whishaw’s...) 

Here we see “poisoned” harking back to intoxication, and “jail of you,” calling back to the whole verse I’d interpreted above before. What interested me here was the couplet - “Kiss me on the lips/a secret just between the two of us” - kissing as an act of sealing a deal or secret reminds me of age old love songs, of promises made between lovers before they part. Not to mention, this is that sexy, 섹시한  way of “sealing the deal” you may have heard about. 

“I cannot worship anyone but you...” holds the lover up high, almost godlike, maybe on a pedestal. It’s that everest, that peak point when you’re more than head over heels in love, when you’re able to see no one but this person. “Worship” is that word signaling holy, direct, and submissive devotion - just powerful. 

“...and I knew/The grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway” - again the voice of submission in line with above verses, submitting yourself to temptation, same as biting into that apple despite knowing consequences. “Grail” embodies the whole MV image of the classics.

Close my eyes with your caress I can't resist it anyway I can't even escape anymore

You are too sweet, too sweet Because you are too sweet

“Close my eyes” is the same as asking to be blinded (see above). Adding “with your caress” only enhances the intensity of the speaker’s desire, of the intimate and physical nature - you know full well what that person does to you, your heart, conscience, and senses with just one simple touch or the trace of a finger on your skin - especially someone as addicted to skinship as I am. The repetition “You are too sweet...”  brings us back full circle to Namjoon’s dessert verses, intoxication, indulgence, and submission.

What a delicious song. I fall in love every time I listen.

Second song in my trilogy is Love Maze - an intoxication of a different, lighter flavor yet still an an intoxication nevertheless.

Trapped in a maze of decisions Exhausted by all the different chaos We’ve wandered around, looking for the answer Lost in the maze, in the darkness

Jimin’s first verse traverses over the trials and tribulations of every day life - naturally we’re caught in decision-making from the moment we open our eyes (ah, sigh. my major. what the hell), and that, in extreme cases, can escalate to choice paralysis). Life is a mess, to say simply. At times you can feel (and you are) lost in some sort of maze which seems impossible to escape from. 

[Verse 2: Jungkook] We ran and ran endlessly But all the fake noise Can’t tear us apart It’s true baby [Refrain: Jimin, Jin] We must believe only in ourselves Can’t let go of each other’s hands We need to be together forever

And now this is just asking your partner to hold your hand throughout the darkness, holding hands while the walls come tumbling down type of way.

[Verse 3: RM] People say That I’ll end up a fool But I don’t wanna use my head I don’t wanna calculate Love ain’t a business Rather like a fitness I’ve never been in a calculating love I know it’ll be cold like winter But I still wanna try

Yup, sure. Love isn’t logical, and we feel it when we feel it. This is a more considered version of love or succumbing to temptation/infatuation, compared to Blood, Sweat, and Tears, see here:

If you push me, I’ll fall, just raise me up again Even if I pull, you don’t have to come

Upon a close look, this is the more confident, the more ‘out-there’ you - like a rocking doll, a full human ready to get back up on its own once fallen, not a blind follower or submissive slave. What I find particularly captivating is the bottom verse - “Even if I pull, you don’t have to come” - this is a show and declaration of independence at its finest. I’ll woo you, I’ll say I want you, and I’ll grab you toward me, but you “don’t have to” be with me, [if you don’t want to.] (Plays I’m Fine)

No matter what others say, don’t listen Just let’em talk, whatever they say The more they do, the more I’m sure

Honestly this reminded me of a past relationship, where figurative hand-holding was the emphasized union to help us make it through. Would have been half the fight if it was that aspect alone, though.

Baby just don’t give a damn

This is the sentence I sing to every single time I play this aloud. The sentence.

I always think, even if eternity is hard I wanna try it, let’s be forever

My ex once asked, “How long is forever?” just ripping off that sign in a mall we walked past, and yes, that’s what I do remember about us. Part of it. Since then, mentions of eternity like this has always hit me.

And forever doesn’t exist, guys. COVID does.

(Bad joke, sorry.) 

The song that completes the trilogy is one I discovered only last week. My last BTS x Steve Aoki crossover: Waste It On Me. 

Queue neon club lights and bad decision drinks. Kook being Kook, his voice in songs like these, House of Cards, and Savage Love slices you right through, like a young, impressionable boy asking you to give this love a try, to forget yourself in being attracted to him, and to waste the time you aware you’re willing to waste on him:

[Verse 1: Jungkook] You say love is messed up You say that it don't work But, you don't wanna try, no, no (You don't wanna try, no, no) And baby, I'm no stranger To heartbreak and the pain of Always being let go (Always being let go)

This verse, man. When your heart’s rusty and battered and beaten and broken enough, “Baby, I’m no stranger/to heartbreak and the pain of always being let go,” is that overwhelming elixir to slosh it altogether, like soaking your lone damn heart in warm bathwater, and with Jungkook’s inviting voice, you may have added your favorite flavor of Lush bathbomb.

[Pre-Chorus: Jungkook, RM & Jimin] And I know there's no making this right, this right (This right) And I know there's no changing your mind, your mind (Your mind) But we both found each other tonight, tonight (Oh yeah) So if love is nothing more than just a waste of your time

It’s that exact moment when it’s the night of your birthday, you’re all dressed up with only one place to go in a town where you knew a handful of people, and the guy at the bar had bought you a shot of mysterious substance to drink. So you’re here. So he’s here. And the drink’s here, between you two, and you’ve downed it in. And you’re here.

So why not?

‘Waste it on me’ is a sexy invitation in itself, that momentarily grasp for pleasure. Ok, yea. I’m all yours. 

Tonight.

[Verse 2: RM] So we don't gotta go there Past lovers and warfare It's just you and me now (Yeah, yeah) I don't know your secrets But I'll pick up the pieces Pull you close to me now (Yeah, yeah)

Namjoon’s voice has always been sexy to me. Masculine, dominating, in control, in the same way that Yoongi’s raspy, gravelly voice grabs you and stubbornly holds you close. 

Maybe this guy you’d just met in a club’s blabbering away to pierce who you may have been or who you’re presenting yourself to be just for you to be with him, and takes ahold of your waist before you could say no.

What do you say?

Yay, don't you think there must be a reason? Yeah, like we had our names Don't you think we got another season That come after spring? I wanna be your summer I wanna be your wave Treat me like a comma I'll take you to a new phrase Yeah, come just eat me and throw me away If I'm not your taste, babe, waste Waste it on me

I’m speechless over the “Treat me like a comma, I’ll take you to a new phrase,” wordplay. Most of all, it illustrated my past relationship in that all too on-the-nose way, for me and him both. English is sexy, man, please don’t ever say it isn’t.

“Yeah, come just eat me and throw me away/If I’m not your taste, babe.” I’m partial to babe as much as baby, let’s be real. Haha. The whole “come just eat me” paints that picture of the speaker being “consumed,” just devoured whole (echoing the earlier image of being “washed over” from “I wanna be your wave”) by the to-be-lover, without a care, a giving-himself-away submission reminiscent of Blood, Sweat, and Tears’ intoxication and blind bondage. The speaker here doesn’t even care if he’s not tailored to the ‘lover’s’ desire, ready to be discarded, treating himself here as disposable, even worse than Love Maze’s partnered hopefulness and teamwork or Blood, Sweat and Tears’ irresistible, spellbound attraction.

Aaand there you have it, my ramblings on Bangtan (as of now). There’s just so, so much - I’ve recently received my HYYH Pt.1 (RIMBAUD! SEXY CONVERSE!!! BOYZ with FUN!) and YNWA albums, not to mention my rap line songs, vocal line, In the Soop, Performance details, Run BTS (source of joy and laughter, more than any man has ever affected me), Premiums, and the whole “Love Yourself” concept + B.E. Itself.

I’ll be sure to pop back in very, very soon!

x

[biavenger]

See You Be Brave;

 Summary: James Buchanan Barnes has been scared his entire life. He was scared when he crossed the pond to fight in the War to End All Wars. He was scared when he followed Steve and fell off of a train. He was scared all those times Hydra strapped him down to a chair and brainwashed him. But this time, it was someone else’s turn to be afraid.

A/N: I hope everyone had a good weekend! Let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to see xx

“Did you pick up the new recruit?” Steve asked Clint, gesturing to the white van that was currently parked behind him and Wanda. 

“Yeah, and she’s rarin’ to go,” Clint said, sliding the door open to reveal a young, sleeping girl. Bucky’s confusion was evident on his face; what kind of damage was this exhausted teenage girl going to do against superheros like Ironman, Black Widow, or the Black Panther? She could barely stay awake. 

“We’re screwed,” Bucky mumbled under his breath to Steve, who quickly shot him a look, his eyes telling Bucky to give the girl a chance. The girl, whose eyes were finally blinking open and she stretched out her cramped muscles, smiled up at the crowd that was gathering around her. 

Noticing Captain America, she quickly jumped up, comically standing at attention. “It’s an honor to meet you, sir. I’m such a huge fan. Actually, after all of this, could you sign my Limited Edition Captain America Collector’s Cards? I got them-” 

“Please focus,” Bucky cut her off, annoyed by her rambling praise over Captain America. 

He figured he might have made a mistake in trying to redirect her attention, however, when her wide eyes scanned his appearance. “The Winter Soldier? This is SO awesome. You have a metal arm?” She asked questions before anyone could answer them or stop her, “That’s so cool.” Sam could be heard chuckling at Bucky’s expense.

“What’s your name, sweetheart,” Sam asked, trying to get more of an idea of who they were working with. This girl must have been a rather unknown super-human, because none of them were aware of her capabilities, or even who she was.

“I’m Y/N,” the girl grinned, and Bucky was a little more comfortable with the annoyance now that it had a name. 

“And how do you plan on being any help to us, Y/N?” Bucky questioned rudely.

“Bucky, stop-” Steve started, but Bucky shook his head to cut Steve off from lecturing him.

“No, we deserve to know who we’re working with. I’m not babysitting some sixteen year old who got in over her head while we’re trying to fight for our lives!” 

The girl nodded, an almost comically solemn look on her face. “First of all, I’m eighteen, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to be here. My parents totally wouldn’t have let me come,” she clarified, “Anyway, I have the ability to negate other people’s powers. I’m also a really good fighter, although I might not look very strong.” 

Steve shrugged, looking rather satisfied with Clint’s discovery, “Well, we’ll need you, then. Do you think your powers would be able to stop Vision?” 

Y/N thought for a minute. “I’m not sure, since I haven’t tried, but I wouldn’t see why not.” 

“Alright then, Y/N, you’re on.”

“Alright, then, Underoos!” Tony unceremoniously introduced Spiderman into the fight.

“Hey everybo-SHIT,” Spiderman started to greet everyone before he was cut off- literally. He was trying to use his web to steal the Captain’s shield, but Y/N turned off his spider abilities and drained the special fluid from his web shooters. 

“Sorry!” Y/N cringed as she watched the clearly young man fall onto the concrete terrain.

“It’s fine, it’s chill. I’m totally fine,” Spiderman brushed his fancy suit off, a bribe from Tony, probably, “That wasn’t embarrassing at all.” 

“You don’t want to do this, Cap. Just come in with us, while its us, and not some guy who doesn’t care,” Tony pleaded, “I’m trying to keep the team from falling apart!”

But when Steve refused to cave in, all hell broke loose.

Things were going fine for Y/N. She definitely wasn’t carrying the team, like Wanda was, or leading the team, like the Captain was, but she felt like her abilities were contributing somewhat to their success. Spiderman was having trouble keeping up with anyone physically as Y/N drained away the powers that made him special. Keeping the young superhero busy meant the other members of the team could focus on the bigger players like Ironman and Vision.

Ironman, who Y/N didn’t see coming. Ironman, who the girl had never met before, but much admired. Ironman, who noticed how Y/N was personally kicking the ass of his new recruit. To be fair, he probably hadn’t meant to hit her as hard as she did, but whenever she flew back a couple hundred feet into a concrete wall, she didn’t get back up as fast as the super soldiers did.

“Shit,” Spiderman cursed, waving Tony away, “You keep fighting, I’ll fish her out.” He swung over there, his powers now back up and running considering his one hindrance was now out of the equation. “Hello? Girl whose name I don’t know? Are you down there?” Spiderman called, pulling some slabs away slowly to not cause an avalanche.

From a distance, Bucky noticed the lack of bad banter from Spiderman and Y/N. “Steve, where’s the recruit?” He asked, starting to panic, especially when he noticed Spiderman digging around in a pile of rubble. Bucky ran full-speed over to the concrete tomb, yelling “Get away from her! Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” 

“I was just trying to help,” the boy defended himself, putting both hands up and stepping away. 

Bucky glowered at him for a moment, before nodding towards the pile, “We don’t have much time. We need to get moving.” 

Both boys set in, throwing concrete slabs behind them and calling out for the girl who was buried down there.

After a moment of moving stuff around, Bucky could hear the faint sound of a girl calling his voice. “B-bucky? I’m down here!” 

“I’m coming, Y/N, hold on,” Bucky promised her, frantically picking up his pace.

“Well, don’t take all the credit now,” Spiderman said, before adding loudly, “I’m here, too, Y/N!” 

“Now is not the time, Spiderbaby. Pick up the pace,” Bucky grumbled dangerously. Bucky could see a set of fingertips poking up through the pile, wiggling and asking for help. “Right here!” they seemed to scream, “Pull me out!”

“I got you, Y/N, just hold on a sec,” Bucky assured her, grinding his teeth together as he wrapped his fingers around her own. “Can I pull?” 

“Yes, just go slow. I think my leg is caught under something,” Y/N said, sounding so defeated and different from the bright, bubbly girl she was earlier.

Spiderman had disappeared, having gone God-knows-where, so Bucky felt safe in pulling Y/N out of her concrete bunker. “On the count of three, okay? One...two...” Bucky said before tugging gently, exposing the rest of her arm to the sunlight. She was moaning in pain, but Bucky knew it was the only other way to get her out. The way the concrete fell was to structurally fragile to continue moving slabs out of the way.

“Buck...shit, it hurts,” She whimpered.

“I know, but you’re so close,” Bucky promised, pulling her the rest of the way into the sunlight. He quickly cradled her small, broken body into his chest. She seemed larger in life when she first rolled out of that van. Now, however, she truly appeared young, naive. 

“Bucky,” Y/N whispered, almost softly enough that Bucky couldn’t hear her, “I’m scared.”

Bucky knew about fear. The day he got on the boat to cross the pond and fight in the world war, he was terrified. He remembered kissing his mom goodbye, waving to Steve, and heading into the unknown. When Steve came to his camp, dressed in that stupid Captain America uniform, he was afraid to follow him into strange places. The day he fell off of the train was the most terrifying day of his life. He thought he died. Some nights, he wakes up mid-scream after dreaming he was falling again. 

“I know,” Bucky said softly, brushing loose pieces of her hair out of her dirty, sweaty face, “But fear is temporary. You just need to be brave for five minutes, and then five more minutes after that, and then five more minutes after that. And you keep going on like that until there’s no need to be scared anymore.”

“It hurts,” Y/N gripped her side, and Bucky knew she must have had a few broken ribs, as well as her leg that was crushed in the fall. 

“I know, I’m going to get you out of here.” Bucky promised.

Y/N nodded, falling into unconsciousness from the pain.

“We’re both going to be okay.”