#yes its in the playlist
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How did i stumble across the most perfect sansnomaly song ever it has me in fucking shambles im going insane
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#im#im not okay#im not okay im not okay im not okay#ow ow ow ow#leaf posts#sansnomaly#its just#i could go on and on#about how this is sansnomaly but just.#just listen youll get it#i need to sleep#ive listened to this on loop for like ten minutes#AAAAAAAAUGH#yes its in the playlist
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I'm always pushing you away from me / but you come back with gravity / and when I call, you come home
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#yuuji#megumi#deleted scene gege told me#god im not over 266 i will never ever ever be over 266#im so incredibly unwell abt them i cant believe this is the timeline we live in#itafushi friday....itafushi everyday.....#decided 2 forgo my usual miku and broke out the emo playlist fr this one . breaking my own heart :3#how many itfs embraces do i need to draw until i successfully manifest it in canon#gege i beg i plead pls let them H U G#they r so traumatized they r so touch starved pls hug pls contact pls Holds/Is Hold#anyway if megumi's height is inconsistent no it isn't <3 if he looks like 2 completely different ages no he doesnt <33#......kids r Hard guys gomen i tried my best#honestly it's probably not even that bad i think its the arm angle in the first one thts throwing me#i had to play around w it so much that i think im just tired of looking at it#megumi voice whatever !!!!!#thats not important the important thing is Itafushi Hug#and i do believe i met my quota in that regard#also yes my pen pressure Is still dying thank u fr asking but i did this fr them Anyway pls clap
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good evening bloodweave enjoyers
#bloodweave#gale x astarion#astarion x gale#gale dekarios#astarion ancunin#bg3#baldur's gate 3#i drew the first one for my bloodweave playlist but shhhhhh#its a shattered mirror in the background btw. yes its bc they are mirrors of each other#recognition of one's self through others (derogatory) vibes. yknow what i mean?#anyway hii bloodweave fam i prepared food! hope you enjoy
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oh, Nightmare...
[please reblog my stuff lmao]
made a playlist for him btw !!!!
wee hoohoo and the cover is made by me too ^^
#sillydoodles#utmv#nightmare sans#passive nightmare#dreamtale#Spotify#yes i will be making you listen to a 9 minutes long goth song#and it's hatsune miku version bc its just as good as the og#btwbtw the og is on the “nightmare” hyperlink and the miku version is on the “.” hyperlink#save me bauhaus#also if you somehow like my playlist and want more u can totally request me to make a character playlist#(note that ill only b making playlists for characters i know lol)#yaaaaay first fully rendered drawing of the year wohooo
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Rip Raiden's childhood and whimsy for life he would've loved shadow the hedgehog
Just this sketch singled out bc. Sword. Fuck it.
#i like that the artist for the mgs2 comics make him all spiky. its like hes a hedgehog.#also sorry rose :/ i had to censor your face for the bit i promise you will be drawn normally next time#im not normal about him 🧍#raiden mgs#mgs raiden#metal gear solid#metal gear rising#mgs2#me listening to return of saturn by no doubt: hmm yes. this is going in the raiden playlist.#rose mgs#rairose#shes there i promise. ill draw a normal rose to make up for my this#sunny mgs#sunny emmerich#metal gear solid 2#my art tag
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is this old religion, are we calling it love?
{sweet movie, alisha dietzman / @gaphic / tiktok / @iamalivenow / on earth we're briefly gorgeous, ocean vuong / @manywinged / these violent delights, micah nemerever / the reader, bernhard schlink (trans. carol brown janeway) / hestitations outside the door, margaret atwood / a self-portrait in letters, anne sexton}
[ID: ten images of text together in a litstack
1: Confession: I will think of you forever
2: a post by gaphic: It’s only tragedy if you convince yourself, for even just a moment, that everything could be ok, despite knowing it won’t be. Tragedy lies in ‘so close, yet so far.’ It’s avoidable because it would only take a tiny alteration to prevent disaster, but human nature is in the way- not maliciously, not knowingly, despite trying so hard.
3: a tiktok comment and answer: Are they lovers? / Worse
4: a post by iamalivenow: gay sex won't fix this. it'll probably make this worse. that being said don't you want to see how much worse it can get?
5: Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined.
6: tags from manywinged: #technically they know and understand each other better than anyone else alive #but they communicate that in the most fucked up insane unnecessarily complicated way and think thats normal
7: I don't think you've ever felt anything that didn't hurt you. / We've found each other, out of everyone else in the world. Does that hurt, too?
8: "I'm not used to being loved. I wouldn't know what to do."
9: Should we go into it together / If I go into it with you I will never come out
10: of course the love is there. / still, / still, / still.
end ID]
#litstack#web weaving#quote compilation#i love giving these vague taglines and then in the tags being like yes this is about blorbo from my games#its Funnee. when they escape containment. 2 me.#lizzie/onion/brandi#lost township#yes this is about the messy dyke girlbestfriend situationship everyone please join hands and pray for them thank you#characters who are either gonna get fixed or get sooooo much worse (or a combo of the two!!) and only time and the dice will tell#faun are you happy now. make me the onion/lizzie playlist.
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╰﹒ 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒 !
PAIRING: Ooc!Simon 'Ghost' Riley X Reader
OVERVIEW: He lashes out on you + very dismissive over your efforts for him :((
C/W: Angst, no comfort (see p2 for comfort!), mentions of toxic behavior (bcz words), offensive languages, depictions of mental health struggles (anxiety, but js tiny amount). [ fanart credits : ave661 on tumblr ]
W/C: 1.1k bubs
Simon had been going through a lot lately, and you could tell it was taking a toll on him. He had been working overtime at work, and you could see the exhaustion in his eyes every time he came home.
You want to do something special for him, something to lift his spirits up.
The air was charged with anticipation as Simon stepped through the door, making you want to burst out of happiness.
You had been eagerly awaiting his arrival, eager to show him what you'd been working on all day. You had been so excited to do something special for him, and you had gone the extra mile to make this night perfect!
The air, still thick with tension, Simon walked through the hallway. He'd had a long, hard day at work, and the last thing he wanted was to deal with anything else.
Price had been nagging him more than usual on the mission. Simon was tired and just wanted to rest, but Price's constant barrage of questions and commands was starting to get on his nerves.
He tried his best to keep his cool, but he couldn't help feeling a little bit frustrated. Despite his best efforts, he managed to keep his emotions in check and focus on the task at hand.
After the mission was over, Simon was relieved to finally have a moment to himself. He just wanted to rest and have a good night, but there you were, being a nuisance to him.
You could see the weariness in his eyes, as if he were carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He shrugged off your attempts to engage him, not wanting to deal with the small talk.
As Simon dropped his collection of his military wears in the near cabinet, you approached him, your heart still pounding with excitement.
"Simon," you said, your voice trembling and a cheeky smile forming on your lips. "I've been working on a special surprise for you all day. I made your favorite snacks, decorated the living room, and even picked out a movie I know you'll love! I just wanted to make tonight special."
Simon looked up at you, his expression unreadable. "What?" he asked, his tone sharp and exhaustion palpable in his voice.
Despite his attitude, you pushed forward, eager to show him the cozy living room setup you'd created.
"Ta da!" you exclaimed, gesturing to the cozy space. "I wanted to make our movie night extra special tonight, so I went all out."
You'd decorated it with fairy lights, set out the popcorn and drinks, and made sure the couch was nice and toasty with a mountain of blankets.
"I just wanted to do something special for you," you added, your voice light and upbeat.
Simon's expression fell. He looked at the setup as if it were an annoyance, and you felt your feelings going down the drain.
You tried to hide your disappointment though and put on a cheerful smile, but it was hard to hide the hurt in your eyes. "What's wrong?" you asked hesitantly.
Simon shook his head, and for the first time, you saw the signs of his stress and turmoil. His lips were thin, his brow furrowed, and you could tell that he was struggling just to keep it all together.
"I can't take on one more thing right now," he said, his voice rising with frustration. "I'm exhausted. I can't deal with this right now."
You felt a lump form in your throat as you realized the full extent of your mistake.
"I..."
Your heart sank.
You couldn't believe you hadn't realized how tired he looked, how haggard and stressed. You had been so caught up in your excitement that you had missed the signs, the signals that he couldn't take on any more.
You had been so eager to do something nice for him, and in doing so, you had only added to his burden.
A tense silence fell over the room, and you could feel the tension rising between you. You wanted to comfort him, to make things right, but you didn't know how.
"I'm sorry," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I just wanted to do something nice for you."
As you stood there in silence, your heart racing and tears swimming in your eyes, he finally spoke.
"Well, don't," he snapped, his irritation evident in his tone. "I can take care of myself. And I didn't ask for any of these."
You watch as he points to the decorated living room. Your efforts. Your hopes of having a good night of movies with him.
You felt the tears spill over and course down your cheeks.
"I didn't mean to make things worse for you," you said, your voice trembling. "I just wanted to do something nice for you, to lift your spirits. I didn't realize..."
Simon sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"I appreciate the effort, really I do. It's just..." He trailed off, searching for the right words. "Can you just stop being a bother? I can't take on anything else right now. I'm already stretched so thin, and I can't..."
You felt your chest tighten at his words.
You had always known that Simon was a hard worker, but you had never truly appreciated the toll it took on him. You had always been there to support him, to lift him up when he was feeling low, and you had always assumed that he would do the same for you.
At that moment, you realized that you had been asking too much of him. You could see the exhaustion in his eyes and the slump of his shoulders.
The realization hit you like a punch to the gut.
Your voice barely above a whisper, you managed to say, "I... I understand. I shouldn't have pushed you like that."
You could feel the hurt in your chest, like a physical pain that made it hard to breathe.
“Stop being a bother.”
The tears were already falling down your face, and your heart ached with the weight of your mistakes. It was just a reminder of how much you loved him and how desperately you wanted to be with him.
Simon didn't utter another word, just nodded his head, but his silence spoke volumes. An oppressive and heavy sense of unease permeated the air, leaving no doubt that there was nothing else to be said.
You stood there, feeling numb and defeated as you watched him leave to the bedroom.
You had learned a difficult lesson that night, and one that you would never forget. The road to happiness was not always smooth, and sometimes, even the people we love the most can hurt us without meaning to.
Tears filled your eyes over and over again as you realized how much your effort was taken for granted.
In that moment, you didn't understand why he was being so cruel to you, especially when you had put so much thought into making him happy.
All you wanted was to see Simon smile.
A/N: okay.. well.. he was an ass.. HELP simon pookie why would u do this to us? :(( we even made you popcorns and and even bought you your favorite drinks :(( we had to even ask ur best bud soap what kind of movies you like :(( we did so much for you :(( but it's okay ig. . . as long as you can have your rest. . . and well. . . goodnight :((
lmk if you guys need a part 2 cuz i be crying in my sleep
EDIT! part 2 is posted !!
#👾 — [bonnie’s wk]#sorry for hurting y'all bout this#writing this was such a pain#i had like this random vent playlist from yt playing on the background rn to help me w the mood#let's just say that it did its job#if anyone's asking#yes the song that hit me the most to keep me motivated in writing this is 'heart to heart' by mac demarco#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley imagine#simon riley smut#simon x reader#cod x you#ghost cod#cod x reader#cod fanfic#cod modern warfare#call of duty mw2#call of duty x reader#ghost x reader#ghost angst#ghost x you#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon riley x y/n#ghost smut
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This song is on my Peepaw playlist purely for the fact that every time I hear it all I can think of is Future Leo reflecting on his past self. There would deffo be some anger and frustration there to want to tell him to "get his act together" and to just listen or something uvu
#lil rushed mini thing cause I couldnt get the idea outta my head#Would have killed to make an animatic or something but alas I have zero time unu#lemme know if you want me to share my Peepaw playlist!! I feel like its pretty cool :>>#rottmnt#rottmnt fanart#rottmnt leo#rottmnt future leo#future leo#peepaw leo#rottmnt comic#rottmnt movie#tribbleart#Spotify#someone also said this gave Trial and Error energy and omfg!!!!! yes!!! 1000%!! couldn't agree more
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picked this up at the thrift store the other day do you think it's any good
#mgs#metal gear solid#ocelhira#kazuhira miller#revolver ocelot#id in alt text#this is how you know im in deep. okay.#i got the title in my head and ive had these pulp covers in my pinterest feed for MONTHS so this was inevitable#theres a bunch of gay ones with these like lurid yellow backgrounds so thats what i pulled from for this. it didnt happen all the way but i#like it nonetheless#and yes thwt is a duran duran AND belinda carlisle reference.#i DO think its funny to put heaven is a place on earth on my mgs/dad rock playlist what of it
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happy holidays and a happy new year, @ko-rka!! i am your secret santa for @fmasecretsanta ^^
i drew for you emo punk ed fashion, cats, and stars... and let me tell you, it's been SUCH a pleasure drawing as i've listened to your mcr playlist!! i ended up liking a lot of songs on spotify back-to-back, but some of my favorites were "to the end" and "sleep"
i hope you like it, and i'm wishing you the best for the new year! :]
#fma#fullmetal alchemist#edward elric#i do apologize for making you wait for so long!!#and thank you again for the playlist!! i literally listened to it going like... why did i put off listening to mcr again this is literally#the type of music i've been looking for YEARS... the rock instrumentation and the raw vocals?? i have been missing out!!#its definitely going to occupy some brain groove for the foreseeable future... im looking forward to it >:]#i also hope ed's fashion is okay!! i think ed would have pins enforced w bottle caps to make em last!#i also imagine him to be the kind of person to embroider designs he thinks will look cool & also to repair his coat which#i imagine he loved ragged but refuses to replace; the top right img is based off of a time i left my coat out and a cat was sleeping in it#when i came back... joy be upon ye cats
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Porcelain Steve - Part 7
Part One🦇Part Two🦇Part Three🦇Part Four🦇Part Five🦇Part Six🦇Part Seven🦇Part Eight🦇Part Nine
((TW for this part; period typical slurs and internalized homophobia. Read the tags before clicking readmore if you want the details))
Steve has been a porcelain doll for seven weeks when disaster strikes.
"What is that," Jeff says, because even though the words are in an order which would suggest that it's a question, the tone of voice Jeff uses decidedly is not questioning.
"What is whaaa-AH! Nothing! It's nothing!" Eddie, who was torso deep into his closet throwing things around to find his backup amp cord, turns to look at what Jeff was talking about, and is now launching himself across his room to stand between Jeff and Porcelain Steve. Porcelain Steve, who Eddie had lain on his bed, propped slightly on a pillow, headphones carefully perched on his little head, hooked to a cassette player currently playing the first hour of last week's Top 40 countdown that Eddie had taped for him (all three hours of it, leaving out the chatter of the radio show host. He'd had to use two tapes to get it all).
"Nothing sure looks a lot like a doll in headphones, Munson," Jeff has an amazing poker face but Eddie's certain he can see a bit of judgement underneath the carefully blank expression Jeff is wearing.
"I don't know what you're talking abo- hey! Hey, no, no, don't!" Eddie tries to bodily block Jeff when he moves forward and the two end up wrestling, a match that Eddie almost wins, if not for the hazard that is his messy room. He gets Jeff walked almost to the door before he steps wrong on something, ankle rolling and sending him down sideways. He clutches at Jeff but can't make purchase and Jeff, the bastard, does fuck-all to try and catch him. Instead, Jeff leaps out of arm's length, then lunges onto the bed as Eddie collapses to his floor.
Eddie frantically tries to stand and, in his haste, ends up with his feet tangled in a pile of dirty laundry and that sends him crashing down again, this time forward onto his hands and knees, so he gives up on standing and crawls the few short feet to the bed, finally looking up to see that the damage has been done.
Jeff has picked up Steve, holding him inches from his own face, eyes squinted in suspicion. Eddie is frozen, horrified and afraid, and can't bring himself to do anything as Jeff examines Steve closely, turning him around, poking his torso, flipping him upside down to examine his shoes more thoroughly. It's only when Jeff reached for the shirt, pinching the hem of it between two fingers that Eddie kicks back into action.
He lunges up, one knee on the bed, leaning over to grab Steve and yank him from Jeff's grip. His first instinct is to throw Steve over his shoulder, out of sight out of mind mentality, but as soon as he does, he realizes his mistake and twists, lunging to catch Steve in midair. He does manage to catch Steve, but it sends him bouncing off his dresser and almost back to the floor before he manager to regain his balance, where he proceeds to cradle Steve to his chest, which is heaving from the adrenaline, wrestling match, and subsequent dive after Steve.
Jeff is giving him a concerned look but something else piques his interest; Jeff reaches over and picks up the headphones, holding them up to one ear. His face goes through every emotion a human could possibly experience in less than fifteen seconds as he listens to whatever track was at the forty-ish minute mark on the Top 40 countdown.
Slowly, Jeff lowers the headphones, letting them drop to the bed before he gives Eddie a new, more judgmental, yet infinitely more concerned, look. "Eddie. What. The fuck."
Honestly, he's not sure there's anything he can say in response.
"Why- I don't... are you okay, man?" Jeff sounds both scared for Eddie, and scared of him, at the same time.
"I'm fine," Eddie manages to squeak out.
"Eddie," Jeff says seriously, "this is not fine. This is- this is insane behavior. You know that, right?"
"I've no idea what you mean," Eddie doesn't even know what he's defending himself from but his default response to anything is to defend himself. He grips Steve tightly around the torso with one hand and then moves both his hands to be behind his back so Jeff will stop staring at Steve.
"I mean this fuckin' insane shrine you have dedicated to Steve fucking Harrington. How did you even get a doll that looks like him. Did you- did you make that?"
Fuck. Holy fuck. What can he say to defend himself here? Is there a single way for him to come out of this not sounding deranged? If he agrees, let's Jeff's drawn conclusion be the truth, then that's all but confirmation to Steve about his big fat crush, so when Steve's back to being Steve he'll never look at Eddie again. Jeff might think he needs mental help, but he'll be here for Eddie. If he tries to deny the accusation, then he'll need an explanation. He'll have to tell Jeff something that make him seem less like a creepy stalker, but what? He can't tell the truth, not without letting everyone know he's going to tell Jeff. There's a whole other secret he'd have to let out to even have a chance of Jeff believing him.
Jeff must take his silence for acceptance or guilt, because he's speaking again. "I.... man, this is not healthy. Please tell me you aren't, like, hoarding a lock of his hair or his clothes or something."
Involuntarily, damningly, his eyes dart to the closet, where several of Steve's sweaters hang from when he'd borrowed them and never returned them. And it's not like Steve doesn't have several of Eddie's own articles of clothing, like his battle vest and a few shirts. But Jeff doesn't know they easily, willingly, swap clothes, so his eyes go wide and dart towards the closet, as if he can pick out which pieces belong to Steve on sight.
Actually, he probably can.
"This really isn't what it looks like," Eddie says because he has to say something. Being silent is too incriminating.
"I don't think you're aware of what this looks like," Jeff says, wiggling himself off of Eddie's bed to stand at the foot of it. "Of all the boys in Hawkins.... I knew you liked Steve but this is.... creepy. That doll looks so much like him that I recognized it. Does Steve know you're in love with him, or is this like a way to process your crush without having to-"
"Jeff!" Eddie yells, mortified. He can feel his whole face heat up, knows he must be bright red. Because Jeff just said, out loud and for Steve to hear, the thing that Eddie very much hasn't even said out loud to himself, even if he knows how he feels deep down.
Jeff must know he's overstepped some invisible boundary he wasn't even aware of because his face immediately shows regret. He takes a step forward and Eddie takes a step back.
Immediately, Jeff stops his forward momentum. "Shit, I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm sorry."
When Eddie answers, his voice sounds like he's been eating gravel, "Just, can you go wait in the living room? I'll be right out, and we can talk, or whatever, but can you just..."
A nod, and then Jeff is gone, closing the door behind him.
With shaking hands, Eddie brings Steve back to the front of him. Looks down at him. He's not even aware he's crying until he watches his tears mark Steve's tiny polo. He can't keep holding Steve. Can't keep looking at him. Not when- not when his best friend just outed him in the worst way possible. And Eddie can't even be upset or hurt about it because Jeff didn't know. He's teased Eddie about his crushes before, and in the safety of his own room, there was no reason for Jeff to have to watch what he was saying.
Even knowing that Steve is okay with Robin, loves her anyway, without the ability to confirm that Steve doesn't hate him right now, Eddie's going to freak out. But he can't. Jeff is waiting in the living room, and the band is waiting back at Gareth's. This was just- they were supposed to just grab the amp cable and get back, a fifteen-minute job at most, and now.
Now Eddie is staring down at Steve, willing himself to not have a panic attack.
"I'm sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have heard it like that, it s-should have come from me. It should- you-I'm sorry," Eddie gently underhand throws Steve onto the center of the bed. He lands face up and Eddie sinks to the floor because he can't stand anymore, and he can't really breath.
Steve knows Eddie's a fucking faggot now, and that he wants Steve, and there's no way he'll get to keep the friendship they had before this. There's no universe in which Steve isn't creeped out by this information. There has never been an instance where a straight boy found out about his crush on them and didn't abandon him. Not always cruelly, he'll admit. He's had friends that learned and just... slid from his life with no words and no fuss. Eddie just never spoke to them again because they never came back around, but they also never outed him.
That's what will happen with him and Steve. He'll quit inviting Eddie around, or calling when he's bored, and eventually it will get to the point that Eddie only sees him at BBQ's that Joyce drags him to.
Fuck. FUCK!
He's not sure how long he's on the floor but eventually, he finds the will to get back up and resume digging through his closet to find the amp cord. It doesn't take long, he was ridiculously close to finding it earlier, it seems.
Before leaving his room, he picks back up the cassette player and headphones. Silence comes from them, so he pops the tape out before flipping it to the B side and popping it back in. He puts the headphones around Steve's head again and presses play, doing his best to not actually look at Steve. He'll just have another breakdown if he does.
He trudges out of his room, closing the door behind himself before taking the short walk to the living room, where Jeff waiting on the couch, elbows on his knees, fingers steepled under his chin, eyes faraway as he stares towards the wall in front of him.
"Hey," Eddie says, to get his attention.
"Hey," Jeff says, sitting up straight and turning towards Eddie. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing? I'm the fucking psycho here," he sighs, leaning sideways against the kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest, hand clutching at the amp cord just for something to ground him.
"Forget that, whatever I did, or said, or whatever, you were- when you yelled my name. You looked terrified. Of me," Jeff almost whispers the last sentence, and if not for the stark silence in the trailer, Eddie wouldn't have heard.
"Not of you, Jeff," Eddie whispers back, but his voice doesn't stay quiet because 'quiet' isn't a thing Eddie does easily or often. "Of... of myself, and these- of how I feel- I'm a goddamned faggot and now that Ste- when Steve finds out I'll lose him! Like I've lost every fucking person who ever even suspected I was a fuckin' queer!"
Silence stretches between them, enough to make Eddie fidget, dropping his crossed arms to twist the amp cord about anxiously with both his hands.
"Look, man, I don't know what's, like, the appropriate thing to say so I'm just going for the honest thing. You got me. You'll never lose me. And all those other assholes that you think you lost? You're wrong. They lost you. And if Steve Harrington is gonna be another one of those, then you aren't losing him. 'Cause he was never really in your corner to begin with."
If this were anyone else, with the exception of his uncle, he would be able to hold it together better. But it's Jeff. His best friend. Who never believed Eddie committed unspeakable horrors over Spring Break last year. Who didn't question the strange, new friends he suddenly had afterwards; who accepted as the only explanation a softly spoken 'they saved me' and that was enough. Who had said 'ok, cool' in response to Eddie telling him he was gay, years ago now, and continued trying to find out if Eddie had a secret relationship, switching girlfriend for boyfriend like it wasn't a big deal (Eddie did not have a secret relationship; his good mood that week was the result of snooping for his birthday present and finding the guitar hidden under his uncle bed).
It's Jeff. So, Eddie does the most metal, manly thing he can and bursts into tears, blindly reaching for Jeff and pulling him off the couch so he can bear hug him and sob into his shirt.
"There, there, you big baby," Jeff rubs his back soothingly, "let it out. Then pull your sorry ass together, because Gareth and Brian are going to think we died in a car crash on the way here if we take much longer."
"Ah, fuck," Eddie manager to say around the sniffling he's trying to get control of, "you're right."
"You good, though?"
"Uh, I will be."
Jeff nods and steps back. "How about this. We go to practice, and then you can come to my place tonight and we can like, hangout and talk. If that's what you want."
He's already nodding as he says, "yeah. That would be good. I- uh, I have something to do after practice, but yeah, after that I'll come over."
Eddie tosses the amp cable to Jeff after they climb into the van and head off.
Halfway there, Jeff says, "you know Gareth and Brian are in your corner, too. If you ever feel like telling them one day."
"One day," Eddie agrees, "but today has already been... a lot."
Practice goes well, with some ribbing for their tardiness allowed. If Gareth and Brian notice Eddie's been crying recently, they keep it to themselves. Which is good, because Eddie cannot handle one more thing today.
A promise to meet up with Jeff later and Eddie's back home.
Back to where he left Steve, who will be laying in silence on his bed because it's been well over two hours since he and Jeff left, and the tape only held an hours' worth of music on each side. Back to the nightmare of not knowing if Steve hates him now, or if Eddie's, and this is the most likely scenario, being a bit overdramatic.
His uncle is home, so he greets him, asks after his day, gets told dinner is Fend For Yourself Night (which just means leftovers or a TV dinner), and gets asked about Steve. Because of course he does.
"You sure he went on a vacation willingly with those parents of his, and he ain't actually kidnapped and trapped somewhere?"
That's a little bit too true. If only Wayne knew. "Well, no. I'm not sure. All I know is what he said when he left."
Wayne gives him a look. One Eddie is used to seeing, that says 'I know more than you think but I'm waiting for you to tell me' and Eddie's a little afraid of what Wayne thinks he knows. So, instead of prying that box open, Eddie just says he's tired and goes to his room.
Steve is exactly where Eddie left him.
Suddenly, without reason or logic, Eddie is angry. He's so pissed at Steve for being gone for this long. For having transformed in the first place. For not being able to assure him they'll still be friends, regardless of Eddie's stupid crush.
He snatches Steve off the bed, hand clamping around one of Steve's arms and his torso so he can hold him up with one hand. Steve's face, permanently stuck into a blank expression, looks back. Even knowing that Steve sees and hears through this thing, Eddie's so angry at the doll. If Steve hadn't been turned into this stupid thing, if Eddie wasn't so helplessly in love with him, this wouldn't have happened. Eddie could have taken his own time telling Steve, instead of hearing his deepest secret spilled easily from Jeff's lips. Instead of this not knowing what Steve is thinking, or how he feels. Is he recoiling in disgust at the fact Eddie's making him look at his face? Or is Eddie being awarded the same kindness as Robin, a quiet acceptance that won't change their friendship?
Eddie doesn't know that answer and he hates it.
He's so angry with himself because he should know better. He's forcing his own insecurities onto Steve, about acceptance and caring, when nothing Steve's done since they've become friends is prove that he'll always be Eddie's friend and not even the apocalypse could change that.
"I'm going to hang out with Jeff, so you're gonna be alone a bit longer. Or maybe I should drop you off at Robin's when I go," Eddie goes to toss Steve back on the bed when something pinches his palm. It's a startling sharp pain, quick to fade, but it's surprising enough for Eddie to let go.
Eddie watches, horrified, as he falls to the floor. He twists in the air, landing with a dull thump and cracking sound on his left arm before falling onto his back.
"Shit. Shit! Fuck, Steve, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to," Eddie is crouched, already in the process of reaching for Steve when he freezes.
There is a crack on Steve's left arm, a line that starts above his elbow on the inside of his arm and runs down and across his arm to his hand, where Steve's pinky finger is gone. Looking slightly to the side, Eddie can see the small porcelain piece that Steve is missing laying on the ground next to him. Eddie's own hand is hovering in the air above Steve, shaking.
This can't be- how did- Eddie wracks his brain. Was the crack there already? Did Eddie cause the crack when he bounced off his dresser earlier? When did it happen? Does that fucking matter when it's Eddie who broke a piece off him? If Steve didn't hate him before, he's got to now. Eddie doesn't have time to panic about this, he's got to- El. El can talk to Steve. Find out if he's okay. What if breaking him-
Eddie launches himself up and to his dresser, grabbing at the Walkie up there. He pulls the antenna up, clicks it on and tries not to actually shout as he says, "Code Red! Code fucking Red!" He lets off the talk button, counts to seven in his head, enough time, he reasons, for someone to respond before he repeats the process. "Code Red!! Code Red!"
He repeats this process for three minutes with no response. Where the fuck is everyone!? How is he supposed to- Oh! The phone!
He tears down the hall and to the phone. He must look a right state, because Wayne looks very concerned and is halfway to standing up when Eddie gets to the phone beside him. He yanks the phone up and dials the number for the Byers-Hopper household, holding up a shaking finger to Wayne, a silent plea to give him a moment.
It rings and rings and rings before the answering machine kicks in. Eddie presses down on the disconnect button before dialing the Wheelers' number next.
"Hello?"
"Mike! Code Red! Where the fuck is everyone and why aren't they answering!?"
"What?"
"Code Red! Where's Nancy. Put Nancy on."
"Dude, slow down, what's-"
"I broke St-it. I broke it and someone needs to get El here now. Code Red does not mean ask questions, Mike! It means Code. Fucking. Red."
"Shit, shit, right! I'll get Nancy and we'll get everyone- just- we'll be there soon."
Eddie slams the phone down and has to meet his uncle's eye now.
"Eddie. What is goin' on?"
Eddie inhales a breath and can feel his lower lip quivering. "It's- can we talk about it later? I promise I'm not the one hurt, or in trouble, or- it's not me, ok. I just-"
"Yer shakin' like a leaf boy. What's got you so spooked?"
Eddie just shakes his head and flees back to his room, slamming the door shut between him and his uncle. He can't bring himself to cross the room to Steve. He slides himself down the door to sit on the floor, pulling his knees up to hug.
"I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm sorry."
#steddie#my fic#porcelain steve#TW: Eddie calls himself a faggot and he means it in a bad way#did I make a playlist on spotify w/ Top 40 songs for June 21-27 1987 so id know how many tapes eddie had to use to record it?#yes. its 2 tapes fyi‚ using side A and B of one. a total of 2h54m. in my defense it was a writers block activity.#couldnt figure out what to have jeff say to comfort eddie that was in character and era-appropriate so... playlist it was!#if i were titling these parts this would be Eddie's No Good‚ Very Bad‚ Terrible‚ Horrible Day#I mean... he's had worse days (Spring Break '86) but this is up there for him#also back to back updates!? who am i??? but don't expect another one too soon#i started this one as part 6 originally but decided i wanted a more lighthearted piece first#so i wrote like 2/3 of this before writing what i posted for part 6 so finishing this was quick
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my mom took an edible for the first time and instead of watching a horror movie she has been staring at the 'mesmerizing' halloween picture with spooky music on TV because she kept spelling helloween and not understanding why nothing came up while saying hello ween! helloooooooween! hello!
#it really moves! yes mom its a youtube ambient halloween playlist not a movie.#wild saturday night here watching Halloween 1978 after the taking of Deborah logan or whatever
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Lamb Loose (by @a-very-fond-farewell) AU where they slow dance to Etta Jones’ “Don’t Go To Strangers” after a big fight, an amnesiac Doyoung thinking that Dongsoo must have missed his wife very much, but as much as he hated to admit it, is actually missing the old Seo Doyoung
#yes I was going thru it listening to Niki’s SDY Blues playlist#and chapter 16 too 😭😭😭#lemme share u my dyds playlist but its very unsrs don’t let my song choices influence u#fic so good it deserve its own au#like to me evilive is just a prequel to the masterpiece lamb loose#lamb loose#deserve their own tag I make my own rules#evilive#biography of a villain#악인전기#dyds#도영동수#seo do young#han dong soo#fifi’s art#shhhsoftnwet
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“In my heart stands a scarecrow, if he’s hurt he doesn’t say so, and he chases everything he loves away but at night when it’s colder, there’s a bluebird on his shoulder and he whispers that he’ll hold her one bright day”
#yes can i get a cup of uuuuuuhhhhh emo boone thank you#yeah mornings have been the hardest for this big guy...the sun reminds him of her i imagine..#lyrics in caption are When You're Here by John Fullbright btw#which is SO BOONE but not a song i recommend as it made me incredibly sad thinking about him...#everytime i hit shuffle on my little boone playlist and it plays i go NO !!!!!!!!#actually theres like 5 songs in there i skip bc theyre TOO SAD#fallout fanart#fnv#fallout#fallout new vegas#craig boone#boone fnv#new vegas#trying to learn how to do lighting for a thing im workin on...like once a year i try to learn it#its so...grrr grrowewllsss grorrrr eregrrgrrer
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i was a bit embarrassed to share my Poolverine playlist (bc it makes sense for me but idk if it makes any sense for others) but yk what?
here:
(for the record, this playlist is HEAVILY influenced by the fics i've been reading since two-three weeks)
cover by @maloneswe (go check their art its so cool and ofc if it's a problem to use this image tell me and i'll change it ✨)
#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#deadclaws#wolverine#deadpool#logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool 3#playlist#poolverine playlist#deadpool and wolverine playlist#music#love some chaotic playlist#yes there is some french songs sorry but its good i promise#it changes very easily depending on my mood#Spotify
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they have taken over my brain
#and in none other then February#aaaaaaaa I LOVE THEM SGSGAGABAH#silly#kirby#taranza#magolor#magoranza#taranzolor#taranzalor#ITS ALMOST VALENTINES DAY ALSO U KNOW WHAT IM GONNA BE DOING#I managed to make them look somewhat the same style and not make mags look goofy yeaaa 👊💥#time to listen to a playlist I made for them to enhance my addiction mm yes
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