horror-rooj-blog

[shalom-iamcominghome]

If even acknowledging antisemitism within your community spaces is going to "distract from the cause," maybe that's because the foundation of your beliefs comes down to antisemitism. What you're doing is telling on yourself.

[cheesy09]

[CN] Kiro's Absolute Match Mind's Quest (Part 1)

🌸 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date that hasn't been released on the EN server yet! 🌸

Note: This date explores some very suggestive themes, so if you do not meet the game's required 16+ age rating, I'd suggest to avoid reading this date.

[CHAPTER 1]

MC: There isn't much time left to prepare for the this issue of "Youth Cheerleaders". Willow, tomorrow, please hurry up and follow up on the progress of the costumes and venue layout.

Willow: Don't worry, boss. According to the current schedule, we'll definitely be able to make it in time!

MC: That's great... does anyone else have anything to report?

Anna: I have one here.

Anna: Next month, Loveland City's Culture and Sports Bureau is planning on hosting a celebrity charity baseball game. The other party's taken a fancy to our company's publicity abilities and planned to talk to us.

Anna: However, their guests have not yet been completely finalized. Among those currently confirmed to be participating is this year's MLB super rookie Carol.

MC: Carol...

I vaguely felt that I had heard this name just recently, but with how hectic my work has been, my thoughts were all over the place.

Kiki: Carol... Isn't he that he that star player that Xiao Zheng's supposed to be interviewing today?

MC: Oh, yes! I almost forgot, Carol happened to be in Loveland City these two days.

If it hadn't been for the tight workload for "Youth Cheerleaders", I would've been happy to conduct such an interview. But if there was going to be a baseball game next month, there would definitely be more opportunities for contact.

The remaining work got sorted out, one after another. After the meeting, I sent a text to Xiao Zheng and asked him about the situation of the interview there.

After a while, Xiao Zheng replied back.

Xiao Zheng: The interview went very well! And boss, guess who I ran into backstage?

A group photo popped up before my eyes.

Xiao Zheng's black hair, Carol's platinum-blonde hair, and was the blonde-haired person with a smile on their face Kiro?!

When did Kiro get there?

While I was pondering over it, a message popped up on the pinned chat and as soon as I opened it, a familiar bright voice rang out.

Kiro: MC, you've seen that group photo, right? Hehe, I plan to introduce you to a new friend today. Come here when you're done!

I looked at the address he sent, which was an indoor baseball stadium in Loveland City, and then contacted him for a photo...

I sent him a little rabbit-like emoji, picked up my bag and quickly walked out the door.

-

Perhaps it was because the stadium was reserved, but the baseball arena was empty, and I spotted the most dazzling figure at a glance.

He held a bat in both hands, his eyes fixed on the ball machine and did not notice my arrival.

Boom!

I could barely see how Kiro swung his bat, and the ejected baseball had already been hit firmly by him into the scoring area.

MC: That's amazing!

Kiro caught onto the compliment I blurted out and he immediately turned his head.

Kiro: MC? Why did you come here so fast?

The next second, he put down the bat and walked towards me.

I was about to throw myself into his arms, but he suddenly stopped and raised his hands.

Kiro: Wait a moment.

MC: Eh?

Kiro: ...Hmm... Okay, okay...

He relaxed slightly, then stretched out his hand to hug me back, placing a light kiss on the tip of my nose.

Kiro: I thought it would take at least half an hour for you to get here. I'd planned on showering right after my workout to welcome you refreshed.

MC: Pfft, are you still afraid that I'd dislike you for smelling like sweat?

Kiro hummed twice in acquiescence.

MC: Why would I dislike it? I want to smell you more!

My grin grew wider, so I just hugged him and nuzzled against him a few more times.

MC: By the way, where's the new friend you wanted to introduce to me?

Kiro: He went out to take a call. Didn't you meet him at the door?

MC: No, I didn't see anyone else the entire way... Is it Carol?

Kiro: Mm, that's him.

Kiro: He was a teammate of my high school baseball team. He rarely comes to Loveland City, so we got in touch.

MC: Wow! Your former school teammate is now in the MLB! Was he that good before?

Kiro: Just so-so. Not better than me, anyway.

Kiro wrinkled his nose, his expression so proud and arrogant that I couldn't help but kiss him as well.

MC: I know. You are the Ace of your school team!

??: No no no, he is not.

??: The Ace of our school team was Raymond. Now he works overtime everyday on Wall Street and he's even gone bald.

A voice with a foreign accent interrupted from the side. I looked back and saw a young man with platinum hair holding a bag of cornflakes, munching on them as he looked at us with interest.

It was Carol.

[CHAPTER 2]

We didn't know when this guy had reached next to us. We both quickly let go of our hands, and Kiro coughed twice in embarrassment.

Carol: Why don't you continue holding each other? Don't mind me, I'll just enjoy watching.

Kiro: .....

Kiro: Can you please stop sneaking up on people all the time?

Carol: Little did I know that just when I'd decided to go to the convenience store to buy some cornflakes, a beautiful woman would show up at the venue.

Carol patted his hands on his pants and stretched them towards me.

Carol: Hello, I'm Carol, an old classmate of Kiro's.

MC: Hello, I'm MC, Kiro's...

Carol: It's what you Chinese people call 'Airen', 'Na Kouzi', 'Duixiang' (lover, fiancée/wife, object of one's affection). I get it.

Carol spoke fluent Chinese and quickly took over my words, winking at me teasingly.

MC: .....

Kiro: .....

I glanced at Kiro. He understood what I was getting at and smiled helplessly at me.

Kiro: He's mother's Chinese, so he speaks Chinese fluently. As for your other doubt... well, he's been this arrogant ever since high school.

Carol: Wow, the two of you could actually communicate so much with just one look. I've only seen that kind of thing is spy movies!

Carol: Boohoo, Kiro, it seems that I'm no longer your soulmate!

Kiro: You've never been my soulmate, okay?

For the first time on Kiro's face, I saw the feelings of "lost", "tired" and "when will this conversation end?". There were so many expressions combined together on that handsome face that if he had a tail right now, it would've been wagging around impatiently.

MC: Pfft...

I suppressed my laughter and quietly poked Kiro with my hand, but he keenly grabbed my finger.

However, after such banter and teasing, the atmosphere between them had relaxed a lot.

Carol: By the way, Kiro, have you thought about what I said before?

Kiro: The charity baseball game?

Kiro: It's possible to make place in my schedule to participate, but I haven't played a game in a long time, and I'm afraid it'll take too long to practice.

Carol: What's there to practice? Just play the way you played at the Dodger Stadium in your sophomore year of high school.

Kiro: Dodger...

Kiro recalled the match and shook his head.

Kiro: Didn't I lose that game? I don't even remember what I was playing at the time.

Carol: How could you not remember?

Carol's eyes widened in surprise and he gestured excitedly.

Carol: I was on first base, you were the batter, and they'd already thrown two strikes. One more pitch and we'd be struck out. As a result, you hit a perfect outfield ball, allowing me to safely return to home base!

Carol: Yes, we lost that game in the end and were eliminated...

Carol: But your most critical point allowed us to go into overtime. That's why I still remember it to this day!

Carol's eyes were shining while narrating this to us, as if he had returned to that arena again.

Kiro probably hadn't been expecting a failed game to be so deeply remembered. His lips twitched and then curled upwards.

Kiro: Well, now that you've said it, I remember.

Kiro: But I'm not sure I can still hit such a perfect shot now.

Carol: Why don't you try then?

Carol put down his bag of snacks, picked up a bat from the side, and pointed at the scoreboard.

Carol: Let me re-experience the majesty of "California's Little Devil"?

Kiro: Sure.

Kiro nodded, but raised both of our hands to Carol.

Kiro: My girlfriend is also going to participate.

-

After going to the venue to rent a set of equipment, I stood in front of the ball machine. As a novice with no clue of the basics, I was worried about trying to do everything in front of two super baseball masters.

MC: Is it difficult to get started with this?

MC: I remember the last time I went to Hitachi High School to watch you play, I spent a long time looking up the rules for baseball, and ended up getting dizzy...

Kiro: No, those rules are only required on the playing field.

Kiro: For now, you just need to swing the bat and hit the ball to win. Easy, right?

Kiro: Don't worry, I've slowed down the speed of the ball server so you can get familiar with it first.

MC: So, what about the batting posture? What are the standards?

Kiro: No, that will happen later. Now, I just want you to join in and have fun. Being able to be happy is the basis for getting started with something, right?

Kiro winked at me, his words calming my emotions. I nodded at him, raised my bat and aimed at the server.

Boom--

Without giving me any time to react, the white ball slipped away from my stick.

MC: .....

Kiro: Hahaha, lower your arms a little, and there's no need for you to face the tee hole, 'cause the trajectory of the ball's a parabola.

MC: Okay!

Boom--

Kiro: Mastering the position in just one shot is awesome! You can swing the bat a little earlier for the next ball, and I guarantee you will hit it!

MC: Okay!

Boom.

Under Kiro's guidance I hit the ball on my third shot.

Although I didn't have much strength that the ball just landed softly on the grounds, and even the score didn't pop up on the scoreboard, it was enough to make me cheer.

MC: Kiro, look, look, look, I hit it!!

Kiro: I saw it. That's great. MC really is a little genius! Then, our next goal is to score a point!

MC: Gogogo!

With Kiro's unremitting praise, I seemed to really feel the joy of playing baseball.

Or it could be said that, not limiting to any sports, as long as he was participating in anything, I would always feel twice as happy.

-

I looked at the five points I finally got on the scoreboard with satisfaction and waved my hand towards Kiro.

MC: I want to practice by myself again. You can go and play too.

I lowered my voice and winked while suppressing my laughter.

Carol, who was peeking at us not far away, saw someone looking at him. He immediately straightened his neck, turned around and pretentiously swung the bag.

MC: ...I suspect that if you don't compete with Carol, he'll be so sore that his teeth will break.

Kiro also glanced at Carol and raised the corners of his mouth proudly.

Kiro: Who told us before that he enjoyed seeing us show affection? Well, of course we have to blind him more!

Having said that, Kiro still carried the bat and went to Carol's side.

The other party stopped looking at the fun and raised his eyebrows at him.

Carol: Are you willing to have a go?

Kiro: [In English] Uh-huh, as usual?

Carol: As usual.

The ball machine made a low buzzing sound, and the two men lined up on both sides, both raising their bats.

Boom!

A crisp and harsh sound rang in my ears.

Unlike the slow ball that the machine threw at me, Carol and Kiro's ball machines were set to the highest speed. When the bats were swung down, the ball hit the scoring area hard like a beam of light reflected back.

Second ball, third ball...

The two of them hit every shot and scored very hard.

I was no longer in the mood to complete my exercises, so I just held my breath and watched the game.

At the eleventh stroke, Kiro suddenly frowned and paused while twisting his waist.

MC: ....!

I suddenly remembered that Kiro had sprained his waist filming an MV last week. Had it relapsed?

Just that moment of stagnation caused the speed of his swing to be half a beat slower that Carol's. And that slight difference made his swing fail.

Kiro: .....

Kiro's movements stopped and Carol also put down his bat. He glanced at the data plate and shrugged.

Carol: Your swinging speed is 113km/h, and your outfield score is 14... You've regressed a bit, Kiro.

Kiro: No, you've gotten a lot stronger.

Carol: Oh, of course. After all, I went through hell in order to join MLB~

Carol stretched, walked over and patted Kiro on the shoulder.

Carol: But you can't say that.

Carol: I'm afraid that kid Raymond doesn't even remember how to swing a bat. If you can maintain this level, you definitely would be able to dominate the charity game in a month's time.

Kiro: Are you using Raymond to provoke me?

Carol: Not really, I'm just stating facts.

Carol: And because this is a fact, I decided to balance the combat power - when the time comes, I'll be your opponent. Otherwise a one-sided game would be too boring.

After Carol finished speaking, he waved at me and walked out the door.

Carol: Bye, Kiro, and Kiro's girlfriend! See you in a month!

After Carol left, I walked over to Kiro and pulled his wrist.

MC: You seemed uncomfortable when you swung the bat just now... Kiro, are you okay?

Kiro: I want...

MC: What?

His voice was so low that I was unable to hear him clearly.

Kiro turned his face, his cheeks puffed up angrily, and his blue eyes burning with fighting spirit.

Kiro: I said... I also want special training from hell!

[CHAPTER 3]

Apple Box: Woo...

Cello: Meow...

The air conditioner pumped out air-conditioning at full power, but the lazy scent of a summer afternoon still covered our entire home. Even Apple Box and Cello, who would usually be playing together, each occupied a cushion and fell asleep.

The only energetic one was Kiro, who was standing in front of the big screen.

Kiro: 33, 34, 35...

After competing with Carol that day, Kiro kept his word and immediately formulated a set of "Kiro-style hell training" for himself.

He couldn't frequent the baseball stadium, so he simply compiled a baseball physical program that he could practice at home, from swinging to catching.

MC: ...69, 70! Stop, it's time to rest!

As soon as the number jumped, I immediately raised my hand and asked Kiro to stop. Kiro calmed his breathing and turned to pitifully look at me.

Kiro: Can I do another set of exercises?

MC: You can't.

I pretended to be serious and decisively refused.

MC: Who applied for two extra sets of training yesterday? Then at night, he was complaining that his back was sore and asked me to help with a massage and the application of medicine?

Kiro: Yesterday, it was because I overestimated myself, so I'll only do one more set today...

MC: N - O. NO.

Kiro: [cute disappointed whine] .....

Kiro drooped his eyebrows and finally turned off the training program on the screen, and sat down next to me.

I knew why he was struggling with the amount of training, but I didn't want to interfere. I just recommended the cut up watermelon to him.

MC: The fruit shop owner told me that the one I picked was the sweetest. Try it?

Kiro: Is that so? Let me try.

Having said that, Kiro turned his wrist and handed the intact piece of watermelon in his hand to my mouth.

MC: Kiro, I want you to eat first...

I swallowed it halfway and thought of a better method.

I lowered my head and bit of the reddest piece on the triangular tip of the watermelon, but I didn't swallow. Instead, I held it between my teeth and looked at him intently.

MC: Mm?

Just a deliberately soft nasal sound was enough of a suggestion.

Kiro's eyelashes trembled, and the next moment, he had already leaned over.

The tip of his tongue rubbed against my teeth and swept away the watermelon. After just a slight squeeze, the abundant juice overflowed between our lips.

The strands of fruit fiber were torn apart in the entanglement, and were swallowed up with the bright pink juice and colorless body fluid.

I pursed my moist lips and smiled triumphantly.

MC: How about it? Am I right? Isn't it particularly sweet?

Kiro gave me a more cunning smile in return.

Kiro: Mm. The first bite was indeed sweet.

He took another bite of the unfinished piece of watermelon, and the vague sound mixed with the sweet fruit covered my breath again.

Kiro: Now, I want to try other places to see if it's just as sweet.

The dormant computer was still humming, and the room was quieter than during training. Our rapid overlapping breaths did not affect Apple Box and Cello's sleep.

After we playfully demolished the fruit plate, Kiro lazily held me in his arms and suddenly squeezed my fingers.

Kiro: [With a soft sigh] Were you feeling bored this week?

MC: Why do you ask?

Kiro: Because since I've been in special training this week, I've hardly spent time with you...

MC: Who said you were hardly with me?

I grabbed my phone and turned the photo album over to him.

MC: You train and I take photos. That's also a way of you being with me.

The photo album not only showed Kiro focusing on training, but also the profile of him watching a video of the game, and a short video of him looking for Apple Box to complain when he was tired...

There were even shots of me catching someone eating in the middle of the night because he had consumed too much energy.

Kiro looked at them one by one, and burst out laughing.

Kiro: I've gotta say, why are you always taking pictures of me with your mobile phone recently? You already have so many pictures. Are you going to make a special training documentary for me?

MC: Uh-huh, that's right~ Do you want to look further?

Kiro moved his thumb forward twice more and clicked on the next video.

Kiro: [In the video] So, not bad right?

Kiro: I can tell from your expression that you love me in this uniform, Miss Chips!

The camera was shaking a little under the scorching sun, and it took a few seconds to focus on the protagonist.

The blue and white baseball uniform, the Japanese banner in the distance; everything in it was obviously from a long time ago, but it seemed like it just happened yesterday. Kiro suddenly opened his eyes wide.

T/n: This is a reference to Kiro's Heatwave Date :>

Kiro: Ah! This is--

Kiro: Isn't this the video you took of me when we went to Hitachi High School to play?

MC: Yep. Because you're playing another game, I found the video of the last game to compare it with the current Kiro.

Kiro: Compare?

Kiro: So what are your comparison results?

MC: Hmm... I'd like to hear your thoughts on shooting the main character first?

Kiro: Well... I felt like I was too young and immature at the time.

MC: Huh, is that so?

By the time the video was played, Kiro was already on the field, running and swinging the bat with ease.

MC: I feel like you were already very mature at the time.

Kiro: ...You're so silly, Miss Chips.

MC: Huh?

Kiro looked at me, a little helpless and a little amused. He pointed at the Kiro on the screen and then at himself.

Kiro: I mean, couldn't you tell how I felt when I changed into my baseball uniform and went to find you?

I shook my head honestly. At the time, my whole heart seemed to be hanging on the upcoming game, and I honestly couldn't tell. How did Kiro feel when he came to see me?

Kiro: Okay, but I'm a little embarrassed to say it now. At the time, I probably... really wanted to "spread my peacock feathers" in front of you.

MC: "Spread your peacock feathers"?

Kiro used such a gorgeous adjective that I found it difficult to combine it with his refreshing appearance in the video.

Kiro: Just... I just try my best to show off in front of you, wanting you to praise me for my awesomeness, wanting your eyes to fall only on me...

Kiro: Isn't that just like a peacock spreading it's feathers?

MC: Yeah?

I rewound the progress bar and watched that section again.

I watched him hold up the brim of his hat, quietly take off his glove and talk about his high school baseball level...

MC: Now that you've said it, I find it seems to be true, hahaha!

I looked at Kiro in the video and then at the Kiro in front of me and couldn't help but poke his cheek with my finger.

MC: Why didn't I see at the time that even our famous superstar had such embarrassing acting skills sometimes.

Kiro: [laughing] That's why I said I was too immature at the time.

MC: So the Kiro of now is a mature enough Kiro?

Kiro: Of course.

His breathing suddenly came closer, and the intensity with which he was rubbing my fingers became a little heavier, and slowly climbed upwards.

Kiro: Because now I will directly "spread my peacock feathers" and express my appeal to MC.

With a click, the phone slipped from the palm of my hand.

Cello suddenly let out a long cry. I subconsciously held his restless hand and nuzzled it.

Kiro deliberately pretended not to understand what I meant this time, and his lips were already touching the corner of my mouth.

Kiro: [whispering] Ignore them. I'm "spreading my feathers".

There was still some residual sweetness of the watermelon on his lips, which was addictive in the heat of summer. The numb stroking was like a feather caressing my body, a little ticklish, and arousing a fine shudder.

The air conditioner seemed to be turned on lower, making me instinctively seek out a hotter embrace and dye myself the same temperature.

In a trance, as if something really bloomed in front of my eyes, I murmured.

MC: So... you haven't said what exactly you want.

In the confusion, Kiro seemed to be smiling.

Kiro: Come and praise me for my training efforts with practical actions. I'd like that very much.

[CHAPTER 4]

Director: The sound is in place and the lights are ready!

The sneakers made a slight squaking sound on the wooden floor and the young girls were already in position holding colorful pompoms. The moment the music started playing the youthful and energetic cheerleading dance blossomed in front of the camera.

Willow: Compared with the first run, the players have made great progress! The filming of "Youth Cheerleaders" has now reached its final phase.

Everyone was very pleased to see the contestants on stage growing up step-by-step and was infected by their enthusiasm.

MC: Yes, it makes me want to learn cheerleading...

Willow: Boss, you can certainly learn.

Willow: Isn't is going to be your Kiro's game in a few weeks? Won't it be great for you to wear a cheerleading uniform and cheer him on?

MC: ...It's not that simple, is it?

Willow: Why not? Look, we have coaches, clothing, as well as promotional and cooperation channels for charity matches. Aren't they all readymade?

Willow said it so confidently that I couldn't help but be moved.

On that green field, just as I have been watching him, he would only look at me among thousands of people.

When that picture appeared in my mind, my face felt a little hot.

Willow was called away by the staff. After standing still for a while, I walked towards the professional consultant teacher for this program.

MC: Hello, I have a new cooperation opportunity. Could we chat after the recording?

Maybe I could indeed give Kiro a surprised.

After my discussion with the consultant, I sent a message to Kiro and rushed to the agreed location.

-

Starting from this week, Kiro's hell training has entered the next stage, with actual practice in the outfield and base running.

He hired a professional coach, rented a baseball field, and practiced every day.

Because I'd been busy recording "Youth Cheerleaders" for the past two days, this was the first time I was going to the baseball field to find him.

As soon as I walked to the door, the doorman greeted me cheerfully.

Doorman: Are you the girl that Kiro mentioned?

MC: Mm. What about him? Has he finished training?

Doorman: Your handsome boy has finished practicing today and should be changing clothes in the locker room now.

I thanked the uncle and hurried to the locker room.

-

Because Kiro had reserved the entire baseball field when he signed the lease, I opened the locker room without much care.

MC: Kiro, I'm here! How was the effect of your practice? --Why do you have so many injuries on your body?

Kiro: ....!

Kiro seemed startled by my voice and hurriedly put down his half-undressed clothes.

Kiro: MC?

I rushed to Kiro in two steps. He had been wearing loose home clothes after returning home for the past two days. I didn't notice that he had so many minor scratches.

Upon closer inspection, there were red marks on his face too.

MC: How did this happen?

Kiro: It's nothing. In actual combat training, these are just minor injuries. When I was practicing rugby in high school, I suffered a lot more injuries than I do now.

MC: Did you practice rugby in high school?

Kiro: Mm. [Loud exhale] At the time I wanted to learn everything and compete in everything. I even trained for a while to win a game.

Seeing that he wanted to change the subject again, I quickly grabbed the first aid kit from the glove cabinet.

MC: I can help treat your wounds while listening to your memories. So you sit tight now and don't move.

Kiro: It really doesn't matter to me - hiss!

I just gently poked him with my fingertips, and Kiro immediately retracted his arms in an exaggerated manner, blinking pitifully.

Kiro: Mm....

MC: Hmph, didn't someone just say that these were minor injuries?

Kiro: It can't withstand your poke. If you poke me, I'll be "seriously injured".

Kiro whispered with a smile, but took off his baseball uniform, revealing the black lining.

The semi-wet lining fit tightly on his thin waist. I swallowed inexplicably and suddenly, and quickly lowered my head to apply the iodine.

MC: We-were you always hit by the ball?

Kiro: There were also cases where I'd fall while running the basses, and get hit when blocking someone...

Although I knew that he had been training a lot during that time, I still felt a little sad when I heard him say it so casually. I half-crouched in front of him and carefully smeared the scratches on his arms with the medicine.

His fair complexion had just been burned by the scorching sun and was glowing with a beautiful layer of pink. When the dark medicine was applied, it seemed like little flowers were dyed on his body.

Kiro: Is this okay..?

MC: It's early. Since you still want to hide your injuries from me, I'm going to be thorough in my checking this time.

MC: Hm, lift up your shirt.

I ordered sternly and gently poked his chest with a cotton swab. Kiro chuckled lightly and rolled up the corners of the lining with his hands.

Kiro: Enough?

MC: [serious blushing face] Higher.

Kiro: Why not take it off?

MC: ...No need?

Kiro: [pouting] Nurse Chips is so mean today.

Kiro trailed off and rolled up his clothes.

A thin layer of wet sweat gathered along the texture of his skin, and every time his chest rose and fell, water droplets would meander downwards along the lines.

When the medicine soaked into the wound, I could clearly hear him taking a shallow breath.

Then he let out a long sigh of relief, and a stream of air blew through my forehead, like a teasing kiss.

Kiro: Could you be gentler?

He must have done it on purpose. I was obviously already very gentle.

My heartbeat sped up inexplicably, and I bit my lower lip, not wanting to reveal my breathing.

The cotton swab was obviously applied on him, yet, for some reason, I felt my body tighten up with slight impatience.

MC: [blushing] Mm, okay, the inspection is over. It seems like these are the only two spots on your body...

Kiro held the hand that I was about to retract.

When my fingers fell, the cotton swab hooked his loosened belt, making an ambiguous dull sound.

Kiro: [in a dangerously low voice] Why are you so perfunctory all of a sudden?

MC: H-how am I perfunctory?

Kiro: [in a ridiculously sinful whisper] 'Cause the wounded hasn't been examined yet.

The next second, I was lifted by one of his hands.

I gave a short exclamation, but my back was already pressed against the bench in the locker room. The sunlight leaking from the skylight separated us, making it difficult for me to see Kiro's expression clearly.

Feeling guilty, I wanted to sit up, but he had already held my knees down.

MC: Wait - wait a minute, Kiro...

Kiro: I won't wait.

MC: [blushing hard] --There's a phone call!

Indeed, there was a buzzing vibration coming from my bag at the moment.

Kiro pursed his lower lip, then picked up the phone and handed it to me.

The call came from the professional consultant teacher of the cheerleading team. It was inconvenient for me to hang up, so I had no choice but to pick up the call.

MC: He-hello?

Consultant: I thought about what you said during the day. Although time is tight, it is not impossible.

Consultant: I've heard that you have some background in ballet and ballroom dancing. When it comes to choreography, we won't do any difficult movements. We'll focus on beauty and neatness to produce effects...

I replied politely, but I honestly didn't think about most of my words at all. I just wanted to end the phone call as soon as possible.

In my daze, all I felt was that Kiro seemed to have stood and left once. There was a clicking sound from the door, and then he came back again.

MC: Okay, Miss Yu, let's arrange it like this...!

A kiss landed on my collarbone without warning. I was so surprised that I almost bit my tongue.

Kiro: [whispering seductively] Hurry up.

My subconscious struggle was firmly restrained by Kiro, and the second urging kiss continued to climb upward. My heart was beating so fast that I didn't even know what I said to the consultant and quickly hung up the phone.

MC: Kiro, you...

The rest of my words were rolled away by the tip of his tongue.

The desire that had been interrupted by the phone call was reignited in the entanglement, and became even more passionate than before.

The afternoon sun is too bright, I thought in a daze.

The sunlight fell on that soft golden color, and it was so bright as it swayed back and forth, that I couldn't help but close my eyes.

The touch was amplified more and more. The back was hard and the kiss was soft.

His breath was scorching, and the bodies touching each other were scalding hot.

My last trace of reason still led me to make one final struggle, and I spoke intermittently.

MC: Didn't you say you wanted me to continue checking? How can I check now...

Kiro: Why can't you check it?

Kiro took my hand with one hand and put it on his shoulder.

Kiro: Actually... there's only one spot on my body that I haven't applied medicine to yet.

Kiro: But it wasn't from me falling here, It was you who left it yesterday.

Several thin scratches were entrenched on the back of his shoulders, and several thin protrusions fit perfectly with my fingers.

Kiro: So help me.

Part 2: HERE

Translation Masterlist: here

[suzyq31]

WIP Tag

Thanks for the tag @nodirectionhome-ao3! I almost feel unworthy as I really am not writing much now and feeling a lot of conflict about how to move forward in fandom, but it's still fun to have a chance to chat about what I am writing (even if it's slow).

List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing

Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!

Then tag 10 writer friends

Titles

Maybe Tomorrow: The epilogue is all that's left! This is a hard story to categorize, but essentially Harry and Hermione are fixing up Potter Manor the first Christmas after the war, on Christmas Eve they wake up to find themselves seemingly in the future, or some possible alternate reality. Friends to lovers, time travel, domestic fluff and plenty of angst thrown in.

Untitled James and Lily. A one shot sitting in my drafts. Mischief and games, and a first kiss. Possibly going to connect it to At The Beginning.

Found. I've actually pulled this from Ao3 and it's become a personal project instead. It's a spin off from my Seasons Series. Second generation, original character, coming back from the dead and other fun stuff. Harry/Hermione.

Iris. Another project I'm unsure of. It's still online, but may take it down in future to also write for myself instead of an audience. It's the first long story I ever attempted, and was a tad ambitious with it. Harry and Hermione. Hidden child, post war, angsty as hell. And a mystery plot that is slowly driving me insane as I try to weave in the appropriate clues.

Don't really know at this point. @bettertoflee and I have lost steam on In Between which is supposed to be a steamy, fake dating, 8th year Harmony. Life is just hectic and neither of us are feeling overly motivated. I have several vague James and Lily ideas floating in my brain, as well as a few original short stories I'd like to experiment with...but lately writing has been a chore and my creative muse feels depleted!

As you can see the theme is that I have all these Harry and Hermione WIPS, yet no will to work on them, or at least continue posting (sigh). And I would like to write more James and Lily, yet keep freezing. So fun times all around!

Upcoming Scenes, Events, Details

So it's just the epilogue left. One detail is that so far it's only one scene and not very long, but still, I am so excited to finally wrap this up and reveal some stuff. It's probably the story that has meant the most to me on a personal level, and it feels so good to have finished something that I worked hard on and am proud of.

There is a kiss that I am very eager to write. Plus some group dynamics that I'm having fun experimenting with.

Now that I'm not writing this for an audience there has been some freedom with being able to let go of certain details and it feels great to just jump around and have fun with it. I'm working on a scene of a cute "first" date that makes me all fluttery ❤️ Also Ron will be making another appearance soon, and I do love writing him.

There are some cute scenes I'm excited to write, but they are a ways away and I don't want to say too much. I will say there is a kiss that I am also very excited to write in this one to! Let's just see if I ever get through all the "mystery" bits.

Well, if we could summon the energy/ability, there is a smut scene in In Between that I know I'm eager to write, or read, who knows which of us will make it happen 👀 I would also very much like it if my desire to write would come back as I keep getting snippets of Jily banter in my head that would be good to get down.

Not sure if anyone will be interested in reading any of this, but yes a glimpse at the chaos of my writing life (at least fandom wise).

Anyone who wants to participate, consider yourself tagged! But will also add a few that I am curious about! @glitterwitch1 @myst867 @annonymouslyblonde

[byullielle]

Don't Say Yes // Affianced!Bang Chan x Fem!Reader

Speak Now (Taylor's Version), Taylor Swift—lyrics would be pulled directly to be used in the fic. y/n interrupts and objects to chan's wedding after being arranged for marriage with an unbearable and manipulative chaebol bride. y/n and 7 of their friends save him; and in the process gives chan the one he was looking for all along

Tags: Objection to a Marriage, Drama, Light Angst, Swearing, Hurt/Comfort

Disclaimer: dialogue heavy + kinda lacks chan actually (i am so sorry), reader centric, swearing, it can get frustrating, you and the 7 kids get into a short argument, the bride nearly hurts reader, implied abusive family members (grandmother), legal terms are discussed but ultimately thrown out the window, not as well written as i'd like, heads-up, I'll think about posting a thorough one on AO3 but it isn't likely.

click on the pictures for clearer resolution. divider used is by: @emptypetal

Removing your coat and hanging it up on the couch in Hyunjin's living room, furrowing your brows at the 7 men gathered around the kitchen table. "Is this about Chan leaving our group chat? You guys know it isn't that serious right?" you chuckle nervously at the tense atmosphere, "It isn't about that," Changbin says glumly. Seungmin, in all his antsiness, speaks up and lets it slip, "Chan is getting married in two months,"

And you laugh. You couldn't help but let out an awkward and slightly forced laugh. "What the fuck?" you raise your brow at him but nobody was laughing with you. Not even Jeongin who usually cannot hold it in whenever they pulled a prank on you. Your face drops, approaching them as Minho slaps a bunch of scented paper and a gold envelope on the table. "When was the last time you checked your mailbox?"

"Like, two days ago," you respond, tongue dry, almost terrified to look. If it was real it would tear you inside out, because it has been two weeks since Chan cut off contact from you and the others, thinking he just needed time to think and recollect himself for inspiration but you were wrong.

Marriage? It was almost unbelievable to you, mostly because of your obvious and unsaid feelings for your best friend. You were in love with Cristopher Bang and kept quiet about it, it was something that couldn't sink in for you that he'd be married so hastily, without even a proper bride in mind.

With shaky hands, you pick up the first page of pungent, rose-scented paper and force yourself to read. 'Save The Date! With Christopher Bang and Soo-ah Kim, witness as they lovingly exchange nuptials,' your hands tremble slightly, putting the paper back down before looking up to see the grim faces looking right at your every move.

"Wh- Why didn't I know?" you squeak out, suddenly weak to your knees as Hyunjin pulls out a chair for you and ushers you to sit down, hand on your forehead as you stare at the paper like it'll catch flames with just a glare.

"None of us did," Changbin bitterly spits out, "I only received the invitation yesterday. I'm only a guest, all of Chan's best men are either distant cousins or relatives of the bride,"

"And I got word from Hannah that he's currently stranded in Jeju, his grandmother's property doesn't have signal and he's pretty much trapped there," Felix explains, "Y/N, what do we do?"

You didn't know you were holding a breath in, absolutely frustrated at the information slowly piling up. This couldn't happen, this wasn't happening. You were just about to tell Chan how you feel, not suddenly send him off to a wedding. Your chest tightens, unable to pull a coherent through out of your noisy brain, the buzzing sounds of your friends talking intelligible in the background, heart beating so hard against your chest you're slightly scared it'll suddenly stop.

It gets noisy. You could vaguely heart Changbin shouting over Minho and Hyunjin yelping about. It was a bit too much for you to handle as you slam your hand down the table, crumpling the invitation in the process.

""Everyone shut up!" you yell out as the others look at you in shock and your breath hitches against your throat. You whip your head towards Felix's direction, his question finally anchoring itself in your brain as you glare, "Why does it rely on me?" it comes out a bit more sharply than you intended, making him tense up.

"What? Aren't you in love with Channie hyung..?" he trails off before he sees the irritation seeping into your eyes. "Are you implying that my feelings are something you could use to stop a wedding?" you snap at him.

"No, of course not!" he stands up as well, a bit worked up. "I'm saying that once Chan hyung finds out about your feelings he'd change his mind about the wedding," he explains before Minho raises a brow, "Wait I thought he didn't have a say in the wedding? I thought we brought Y/N here to collectively think about how to pull him out of that situation,"

"Thank you!" you exasperatedly point at Minho, "You're putting me in the spotlight here like I'm the only one who doesn't want Chan to be involved in this wedding!"

Changbin's chair scratches loudly against the tile, "You're meaning to tell us that it seems like we don't value Chan?!"

"I didn't say that!"

And then there was more and more shouting.

Changbin started talking over you, ranting about how you seem like emotional connections won't pull a groom out a wedding while you argued that it isn't "that simple", Seungmin calling you out for being selfish that you absolutely would allow anything to the point where you'd rid the love of your life a chance to know about your feelings while you counter that they're the selfish ones for ever implying that in that way you don't care about Chan, and they don't care about you—seen as only a turning point for Chan.

It was chaos.

"Fine!" you throw your hands up before storming off the living room and grabbing your things, "I'm the selfish one? Then so be it. Do it without me," you threaten but hesitate at the sight of heartbreak on all their faces, the frustration on Bin's face and the tears streaking Hyunjin's face.

You storm out of the apartment, all kinds of feelings stirring within you as you take heavy breathes in and out just so that you don't end up crying while driving back home.

Your heart was breaking and of course, you're left to pick the pieces up yourself. You were terrible to your friends, and worse, you were going to complete lose Chan in two months.

Getting home, you storm into your room nervously, fidgeting about while opening and closing your phone to apologize to them, the guilt now eating you out alive. You bounce on your heels while you look out the window, trying to clear your head pacing around until a small, pink envelope catches the corner of your eye.

Nestled between a book, and a pen atop of it, your eyes widen and heart cracks a bit more. It was your confession letter to Chan.

Pouring your now shattered heart into that letter tucked between the paper material wasn't the easiest, always on the verge of tears and embarrassment but sealing it into finality gave you relief. One that was so coldly snatched out of your hands bare. You shakily pick it up and grab your letter opener, one shitty gag gift from Seungmin 4 Christmases ago—and you open it back up.

Affection spills into the paper, scratches of black ink prominent against the palest pink of papers. Signed at the bottom and expressing your growing, uncontainable feelings for Christopher Bang. It was all so much yet lacking at the same time. Your heart squeezes at the thought of someone else on the aisle with him, someone else to call home and to marry. You couldn't take it.

You open your phone to apologize before it buzzes against your hand and then an influx of notifications flood—leading you to mute your device.

You close your eyes and breathe in, trying to think rationally about your next steps. "One day," you resoundingly tell yourself in a moment of finality, "I'll respond after one whole day,"

You say you're ready to do anything for him but there's a small part of your brain nagging you to be scared. To doubt if he'll really come to your defense. But everytime it crosses your mind, you force your eyes to look at the unsealed love letter—and a new one freshly written—beside each other.

You know Chan loves you too.

For years you've convinced yourself that it's just him being indifferent but after a night out of him being drunk and you being as sober as the day you were born, you eventually had to carry information more precious than anything in this earth. It was the occasional insecurity that drove you to denial but now that you were standing by the chasm of your feelings and his', driven against a corner there was the ultimatum laid upon you.

And you did tell Changbin that you'd rather risk 2 years of jail rather than 10 for breaking and entering, quite possibly aggravated assault just to get to talk to Chan.

And as the days passed by, you stand in your light periwinkle dress given by Felix, handpicked by Olivia and Rachel as your hands tremble while it runs down the tulle fabric of the skirt. It didn't look too inconspicuous or obvious, which was exactly the look you were going for.

Changbin enters the hotel room you guys pitched in to stay in as he looks at you up and down, "You look like a bride's maid,"

"Is that a bad thing?" you nervously fidget with the bracelet attached to your wrist, slowly and increasingly getting antsier by the second. "No. But Chan's grandmother knows what you look like since apparently he has never shut up about you since getting hitched," he explains, "I heard it from one of his cousins who kindly relayed a word in for hyung, although I'm still not allowed to enter the groom's suite,"

"We have a wig to conceal her hair," Hyunjin helpfully supplies while getting dressed. Out of the 7, Changbin was the only groomsman chosen, the rest were mere guests which none of you had expected for Chan's wedding.

Minho clicks his tongue, "Fuck, then it really is a wedding objection,"

"The letter?" you hopefully turn to Changbin as he clears his throat, "I slipped it under his door while the dude guarding it was talking to another family member,"

Felix pops his head from the bathroom, "What was in that letter?" he asks. You shrug and offer him a nervous, tight-lipped smile, "Dunno,"

"Tease," he rolls his eyes. Despite the joking you 8 try to do, it was ultimately futile, the tension in the room too overbearing to try and alleviate it with a few jokes.

Changbin leaves first, called by the rest of the entourage. After an excruciating hour, Jeongin looks at his watch before gulping down, "Guys...I think it's time," he announces as everyone scrambles to their feet, Felix taking your hand before squeezing it in solidarity.

You look up at him, nodding with fire and passion in your eyes, brows furrowed— "Let's do this,"

The way to the venue was enough to make your knees lock up, ridgid against Felix's hold as he tries to make you loosen up a bit more, even being knocked down and tickled slightly by Seungmin. You pass by the bride yelling at one of the bridesmaid in the bridal suite, making you wince. She looked like a damn tiered cake in the worst way possible, along with the horrific screeching spilling from the doorway.

"God I can't believe he's marrying that," Minho bitterly mutters under his breath, the eight of you walking along the pews as casually as possible, making sure to not expose your face too much with a fan pressed to your nose. "I'm gonna throw up," you mutter under your breath as Jeongin taps on the back of your hand.

"We promise, if something goes wrong, we'll never desert you,"

"I'll count on it," you smile softly. The venue was a grand chapel, guests filing in the pews but nobody in close association to Chan except for the eight of you. Your heart couldn't help but sting at the thought of Chan going through such great mental turmoil being forced into a marriage. You don't know what prompted this but you trusted in Bin's word that he didn't want this, perse.

And then it starts. The organ plays, the officiant walking the aisle to make it to the podium, Bible and documents on hand as the others start to do the procession. First came the sponsors, then Chan's grandmother (the old wench), then the bride's whoevers—most you don't even know. Then next was Chan's groomsmen, his distant relatives, then Changbin. His eyes scan over before spotting you near the front as he nods, encouraging you one last time.

And then your breath hitches at your throat. A glum look washes over Jessica and Jack (Chan's parents) as they walk the aisle right after the Bride's parents. And in comes the groom. He was dressed in a black and white tuxedo, purple and gold lining his blazer, and it took your breath away to the point of Jisung having to remind you to breath with a tap of his pinky against yours.

Chan looked tired, one could say miserable, but he still managed to look good. And it frustrated you so, not being able to see him as your groom, at your wedding.

He gets up to the podium and your eyes suddenly meet. You can tell he hesitates and makes sure his eyes don't widen as you shoot him a look that you cam only hope he interprets as 'I am not giving you up,'

Then it starts playing. The bride's march plays and rings through the chapel—sounding like it was made for your funeral, a deathmarch of sorts. The bride's dress is wide and eccentric, a huge bouquet in her hand as she saunters down the aisle slowly, like she was a pageant queen. Last thing she has to do was wave her gloved hand around but you bit your tongue.

The officiant waits for her to arrive, before all of you and the other guests take a seat. You could see the hesitance in Chan's body language as his bride to be pulls him closer a bit forcefully.

He announces the start of the wedding, and you're starting to get terrified that there might not be any chance for you to object, hanging by the side of your seat as Bin glances over at you nervously.

Your sweat starts to bead at your forehead, gulping down the nervousness as you redirect your brain to where it always looked when the doubtful thoughts lingered. You love Chan, and a letter, his presence and yours in his own wedding was testament to that.

However, after reading a few expletives and guidelines, the officiant clears his throat, "If anyone objects to this marriage," he calls out, as if directly talking to you, "Speak now or forever hold your peace,"

And then there was silence. And that was your chance, your last chance—you stand up with shaky hands and then;

All eyes are on you. Horrified looks from everyone in the room but you're only looking at him, never taking your eyes off Chan's—shellshocked beyond belief. And then you open your mouth

"Don't say yes or wait or say a single vow," you look to the officiant, "You need to hear me out,"

He glances at Chan and says, "Speak now,"

"I am not the kind of girl, who should be rudely barging in on a while veil occasion but you!" you point at Chan with desperation before letting your arm fall to you side, "Are not the kind of boy, who should be marrying the wrong girl,"

An uproar starts as the bride looks over to you, fuming. And like a bull in a China shop, you stare directly into her eyes. She grabs one of the candle stands near her and Changbin gets ready to block her attack from you but before she could strike, Chan rushes to you.

He grabs your wrist, a glint of hope in his eyes, before he pulls you with him. Both of you make a run for it, Felix was right for you to not wear heels, darting towards the church doors before anyone could catch up and process what was happening.

"What are you doing?!" Chan's grandmother smacks the side of Chan's father as he winces but stays in his place, glaring at his own mother, "I told you," he hisses, "You can do whatever you want but so could he,"

She was fuming, red in the face as the bride breaks down in humiliation. "Do something about your son!"

"Eomma!" he couldn't help but raise his voice, "Do not take away Chan's last chance to love," he warns, "Do not make him resent you even further if you don't want any regrets in your life,"

Chan keeps on running until you make it to the gardens of the church, far from the wedding chapel as you both catch your breaths, hands on your knees while huffing heavily. He pulls something out of his pocket inside his suit before waving around the preciously folded pink letter Changbin helped you slip in, "Is that what you meant?" he laughs in disbelief, written in ink:

I know a world you wish it was me, don't you? Don't say yes. Run away now, I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door.

You gasp out with a laugh, "If you think I was letting you get married? Not in my watch Christopher Bang," you stand up straight before stepping closer towards him, "I can never, ever, let you go," you confess, "Ever since then, you're the only one I've loved, Chris. I would've died if I didn't get to tell you that ever," you confess.

Before you could even get an answer, you feel two strong hands cupping your cheeks as he surges forward and presses his lips against yours. You make a surprised sound but ultimately hook your hands on the back of his neck, pulling him closer and slotting your lips together flush and perfectly, you get kiss drunk immediately. You part for air, tears starting to well up your eyes until you see him fully crying.

"Oh god," he mutters, pulling you into his arms as you feel his chest erratically vibrate, "Y/N, I love you so much. I love you so so so much, for the longest time ever," he gasps out despite his tears before pulling away and cupping your face into his hands, "And I want it to be in every world, for it to be you,"

You finally let your tears fall before you pull him into another kiss, relief, adrenaline and pure, unbridled love flowing and coursing through your veins as you smile against his lips. "I love you," he whispers, barely pulling back this time before pecking you again.

"So glad you were around when they said speak now,"

if you wanna send in a prompt or an ask or just say hi feel free to do so!!

[yooniesim]

Literalite, sojutrait and all their cliquey ass friends are just a bunch of hypocrites, sitting on their high horse, trying to destroy everyone who calls them out on stuff. They're the ones who keep dragging this out because they thrive on attention. You're a good person, Ceci. Hope you know that ❤

Thank you, nonny. They're both seriously awful & proud of it apparently. I ignored this ask for several days, but when I see shit like this, why bother? They consider it harassment & fixation just to point out they lied their asses off (and continue to lie) to their thousands of followers. I pinned the post because the original was full of lies and I have yet to see a single thing proving otherwise because it does not exist. I say that confidently even in a time where everyone screenshots everything that happens immediately, because I know I'm right. The events the way they described them simply never occurred, and they can't get away from that fact, which is why they're still bullshitting to ignore the actual issue even now. It's just like how there's no proof of Seph ever doing any actual "peacekeeping" at any point in time, other than the act of "kindness" of joining the server itself, which says absolutely nothing besides he sat there and read what was said just like 200+ other people. There was never an attempt to come to an understanding between us, no added perspective on behalf of his friends, no meeting in the middle during discussions/disputes. The one time I actually asked for his help with a situation related to both of our friend groups, I was straight up ignored. And every time I've asked for any type of empathy or understanding, I either haven't gotten any. So what peacekeeping, honestly, can he say he's done? I'd be curious to know, though I'm well aware I'm never going to get an answer, because it never happened. That's why you never hear a detailed account of anything that occurred, or god forbid an actual screenshot.

While I have plenty to back up what I've done, including an extensive account of very much punishing the person responsible for what they're pinning on me because it's convenient for their made-up narrative (and there's nothing else for them to use besides "she likes kpop too much for our personal tastes" which shows how shallow it all really is). And they can't refute that, so they have to resort to acting like I should've had the power to... somehow prevent someone from sending a message in a group chat before they sent it? If that sounds like nonsense, that's because it obviously is, and they don't even realize how ridiculous it was to say. Not to mention the silly, middle-school "cohorts" concept about people I only knew online in a public server, that I was not "warned about" by them in any capacity, which is yet another lie to add to the pile. It shows they find people that agree with you on the internet to be your ride or die friends, which explains a lot. And yes, I am very much able to call out people I was formerly friendly with when I get evidence of them showing their true colors, even when it's towards people I'm not particularly fond of, because that's what you're supposed to do- but clearly none of them have learned that yet. Instead it's always "my friend is never wrong because... they're my friend" or "the enemy of my entirely self-perceived enemy is my friend", which shows the immaturity in their thought processes. I don't find them any different than any of the others spewing false allegations, microaggressions, shit talking, or bigotry, because they're not. They just don't have the self-awareness to see what they do compared to when they're happily criticizing the people they don't like. That's why they're always convinced people are mad at them for "having fun" or "having friends", they have to victimize themselves to distract from their own shitty actions.

This entire post by sojutrait is nothing actually substantial because there's nothing to lean on other than being vaguely edgy & rude, better than, and using words and concepts they don't seem to fully understand. You can really tell no thought or deeper meaning was put into it at all. Just like how Seph's earlier response was absolutely nothing relevant as well. Both are obviously more or less a performance for their own egos and to justify their blatant lies so, as Seph said, they can be stable and happy and sleep at night despite the obvious hate they bring to others. Because if they'd truly moved on & were so much better than me, they wouldn't have posted either in the first place. (Including the tags- if I was lying, why didn't you just take your friend's advice and ignore it? Is it because you don't want anyone to see it and question you? Because posts like that with no proof should be questioned, precisely because of situations like this. You lied, you know it, and now you're caught in it.) People that are unbothered don't need to repeatedly tell you how unbothered they are... if they do, chances are they really aren't. They only want me to "move on" because they can't stand being criticized, it burns them up inside and you can tell. Which is a shame, because I don't care about them having fun with their friends, but I do care about this vile and embarrassing behavior that has gone on for years unchecked. They're not "consequences" if you had to outright lie to get them to happen, including knowingly using those lies to encourage disgusting asks... that's a "harassment campaign", one they're doubling down on despite knowing it's wrong and what they alone caused. That they never would've even had the guts to try if they hadn't known I was in a vulnerable place at the time, which is sad and gross enough. They should both honestly be ashamed and I hope they do some serious growth in the next five years or so to gain a little empathy and maturity because they desperately need it. Both in public and in private. Especially if they continue preaching accountability and self-reflection while never once (I challenge you to check) embracing those concepts themselves.

[deviantartdramahub]

Before I begin, I just want to say, I've recently been hearing/seeing a lot of instances here where you have the following exchange go on.

Person 1: *explains a situation that happened, using only mildly vagueness*

Person 2: *says something like "wat" or "are you drunk or high" or "come back when it's not jibberish" or "I found the lost ChatGPT", stuff that implies they claim to speak for an audience who they say doesn't understand person 1*

Person 1: "What part don't you understand?"

Person 2: *dodges the question*

Person 1: *speculates more and more about whether people are claiming not to understand them to escape a burden in an argument*

Don't people know there are AI stuff anyone can access that can determine if something would be comprehensible to a modern audience?

There are three kinds actually, 1) a regular AI made specifically for measuring comprehensibility 2) word counters and other autocorrect tools which can tell you if something you're saying is structurally sound, and 3) things like Siri, Cleverbot, and PI, who, by virtue of being inevitably programmed that way, won't respond to you as intended if you aren't being comprehensible (with similar technology made to determine if people have a similar enough speech style as each other to determine if they're one another, with the technology never giving a yes answer because it's false "science" like horoscopes are and thus a stupid question).

Recently I tested this out with specimens and a control group. I repeated the two messages we often talk about here that are most called out for being incomprehensible in all three methods and they turned out to be completely and correctly understood. I then proceeded to put four of the most incomprehensible passages from different political manifestos, two from the Communist manifesto and two from the Libertarian manifesto, and they all were deemed incomprehensible.

The proof is in the pudding, people who claim to not understand someone are just being fallacy-loving babies who can't choose between necessary alternatives, full stop. Or in the very least, understandability should be seen as relative, though I've noticed this has become a problem ever since pot became legal here. Coincidence?

One example anyone can see is a gem from an earlier comment in reply to a certain other gem (and you can probably guess who posted it, wink wink), which inspires me to take back what I said before, with the bots just doing a little exploration and looking out for me based on such non-logic from the other end which is getting more and more tiring. Nevertheless, I continue to get responses in this back-and-forth going on in the form of vagueposts. Responding to these now, with another reminder that simply saying someone is being manipulated into doing something or that someone is a certain gender doesn't make it or anything else true, as an individual is the authority of their own intentions in the same way an individual owns their own body, and (I don't see an Adam's Apple on any pictures presented of being of Tri for one thing, and everything else seems to check out both in her photography which she has a method for and me chatting with her at events, which side note also allows me to confirm her underweight self doesn't qualify to be a sad bloated fish) and that only I've been concerned with alts because you carry a persona in all but name, with Triagonal being more cautious, not that the person I'm addressing has been, or most people (consider people are still outed for merely resembling something Triagonal would sign up as even by the likes of the former second mod of r/DeviantArt who was banned from Reddit by Triagonal which caused her to be banned from r/DeviantArt in delayed fashion), though most people don't have an obsessive nature that drives them to this, especially the kind that has ramped up with the banning of DABewareHub and their senior spokesperson.

Neither of them being new, my response to them is more or less similar, though a more complete version of my message has already been said in my links above. Nobody reading this is some kind of championed dragon slayer because nobody cares enough to idolize you, and people are less recruitable than many give them credit for. And that's how it should be. Club-Dreamiverse, GellyGirl, and Triagonal, in all sites they're in, show every adaptibility and satisfaction in simply being friends with people, unlike the antagonists at play.

You typoed with the "and" and then the parenthesis and didn't notice until I got the second message what you were saying (not that I didn't figure). Extremely small mistakes like these might be what causes big comprehension issues. Which is why it's good to ask about.

[prianya]

Hi! I'm not sure if I'm doing this right so please forgive me if I'm not.

Could I request something romantic with either Etho or Scar?

I love your writing and I hope you have a lovely day/night/whatever time it is for you!

Costume Negotiations

Etho x Reader ▪︎ Romantic

Word Count ▪︎ 605 words

Summary ▪︎ Despite your best efforts, you can never get a moment to study. This time, your boyfriend has some interesting, Halloween themed, ideas.

Note ▪︎ Back at it again with the college AU! Also, your request was absolutely perfect! I chose Etho because I have three Scar pieces to be posted, and I hope you enjoy! Also, @boop-ity, this was the fic that the pointless poll went with.

After every time you've ever had your focus interrupted, this time would take the cake. You were studying for an important test, with the grade on the assesment taking up a good portion of your overall grade, when you heard small taps on your window. You ignore the taps, not feeling like listening to whatever shenanigans one of your friends have planned. The taps persist, and you decide to open the window to save yourself from snapping another pen.

You push open the window, and lean out to see who was on the ladder under it. Etho's face is what meets you, and he's halfway up the ladder under your window frame. You steady the ladder for him, and effectively stop the source of the annoying taps.

"What are you here for, Etho? It's almost 11 at night," you call gently. Etho focuses on climbing the ladder, and then presses a sweet kiss to your lips when he reaches the last of the rungs.

"I wanted to ask you about something," he says simply, and you cross your arms at the vague wording.

"Ask me about what?" you reply, and Etho only grows more enthusiastic at whatever idea he had in his head.

"I was thinking, what if we went rick or treating together? Just think about it, it would be fun and we would get candy," he smiles at you, as if trying to convince you to sat yes to his ridiculous idea.

"I'm not going trick or treating with you, Etho. You're a grown man, and we have class tomorrow," you roll your eyes and shut the window in his face. Etho stayes poised on the ladder with a pout, and repeatedly knocks on the panes of glass.

You roll your chair across the room, and grab your phone from the nightstand. Still sitting, you snap a picture of Etho's pitiful look and send it to the group chat. The first person to open the image is Cleo, who sends 'lol' in response. As soon as Bdubs opens it, you can hear Etho's phone ringing. Through the window, you see Etho reach for his phone and fall backwards slightly, throwing out his arms for balance.

"Come on, please just trick or treat with me!" Etho says after he regains his balance, and you hear a faint voice, Bdubs, agreeing with him. With a sigh, you open the window, and watch as Etho slides in the window awkwardly. He makes a small thud as his knees hits the floor, and pushes himself to a stand.

"As I was saying, you're Frankenstein and I'm the bride," he says, draping himself across your bed, and hanging up on Bdubs despite his protests.

"Absolutely not. Plus, why are you the bride?" you scoff at him, and continue to write your notes.

"I'm the bride because I want to wear the dress, duh." You roll your eyes once again at his words, and spin to face him.

"If we're going as Frankenstein and his bride, I'm the bride." Etho shakes his head at your words.

"No dice. I'm the bride, or we don't go."

"I didn't even want to go, Etho," you say confused, and he pauses.

"Oh right." You sigh at him, and spin in slow circles in your chair.

"We can go, but only if you buy me tacos after," you eventually offer up, and Etho perks up at your words.

"Deal! I'll get you all the tacos you want, and I'll even share my candy with you!" He bounces on the bed, excited at the idea of trick or treating with you. You just shake your head, a fond smile covering your face.

[gashinabts]

Camera Boy (m)| Part I

Words:4.5k

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader, Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff, MATURE, 18+

Summary: Jungkook loves filming. Jungkook takes up your offer on filming you throughout the day...and night.

Warnings: Unprotected sex, hair pulling, sex filming, slapping tits and ass, degradation, humiliation kink, mention of public sex, teasing, slut is mentioned a lot. 

A/N: I haven’t posted in like months. I’m sorry for the lack of posting I haven’t been in the right mental state at the moment. I promise I will be posting more!! Thank you for the people who comment and like my fics.  It really means a lot for me!!!! Yoongi, Jungkook, & Reader are the same age (18). There will be THREE parts to this :))))

Part 1 2 3

*** This is my work, no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms. I do NOT take plagiarism lightly.  

Jungkook is a quiet guy, who spends his time filming and editing videos. He is in the audiovisual club and was always seen around school with his Panasonic Lumix gh5 filming the school events since he was also part of the year book club. Not many of his classmates knew him by his name but as JK, even during roll call teachers would call him by JK. His fashion taste was dark, often dressing in all black and wearing bucket hats. Sometimes he would just fade away in the background but he didn’t care. 

Jungkook was editing a video for the cheer team in the audiovisual club classroom, but his fingertip halted at the mousepad when he felt a presence entering the room. He sees you walking in with your white tennis skirt and pastel green cardigan. He doesn’t understand why you would dare walk in this room. You’re Y/N, the school’s sweetheart, nice to everyone and everyone wanted to be your friend. He watches you smile and come closer to him, grabbing a chair and sitting next to him. “ Hey, Jungkook. What are you up to?,” you lean over to see his laptop screen.  He smells the light floral perfume and he feels like he shouldn’t have the privilege of smelling your floral scent. 

This wasn’t the first time you spoke to him, a couple times you would say hi to him during the events he filmed. But you did that to everyone saying ‘hellos’ and ‘how are yous ?’, because you didn’t want anyone to feel left out. “ Uh-editing this video for the cheer team. This would be my last video I would do for this school,” he scratches the back of his head. In the next three days he wouldn’t be a high schooler anymore. He would leave this place and major in film in a college in California. 

“ Cool, I really like your videos. I heard that you were going to UCLA and doing film. That’s pretty exciting, maybe we’ll bump into each other around campus,” you smile gently. 

Jungkook was shocked to hear that you knew what school he is going to attend. In the back of his head he wished that you guys would bump into each other and become friends. “ Maybe...so what’s up?,” he closes his laptop to face you. Which he regrets since he won’t be able to focus on anything you say since you are so pretty. 

“ I want you to film me...I want to give it to my friends as a goodbye gift,” you cross your legs. “ I’ll pay you for your hard work,” you reach into your bag grabbing your wallet. 

“ No, it’s fine you don’t have to pay me,” he stops your manicure nails from grabbing some bills. 

You shake your head and he watches as your diamond earrings sparkle, “ No, I insist. I would feel really bad about it, Jungkook. Your work is top quality, better than those shitty Youtubers, even better than some of Quentin Tarantino works,” you proceed to take out the money. 

Jungkook eyes widen at your statement. No one has ever complimented his videos like you did. The closest compliment he has ever gotten from someone is ‘Looks good.’ Your soft hands brush his as you hand him the money, “ Thanks. We can start after I’m done with the cheer video,” he quickly puts the money in his pocket. 

You get up, tugging at your skirt since it rose up when you sat down. “ Great! I’ll see you later,” you gave a small wave and left the classroom.

----

“ I’m going to start filming, alright?,” Jungkook asked as you throw some things out of your locker in the trash can. 

“ Go ahead,” you smile at him. “ Look at how much stuff I have. It’s all useless stuff now,” you throw some more math tests away. He films you walking around the halls and greeting some people. Along with some chit chat, he admires the way you genuinely care about what your friends are talking about. He likes the way your hands move while you talk, and how touchy you are with your friends. He notices that you playfully hit your friends’ shoulder when they make you laugh really hard. Jungkook learns more about you when you answer the questions he gives you. He learns about what you love about your friends and how much you are going to miss them. 

You invite him to your house and he films you baking a cake for Mina’s birthday. You tell him the story of how you and Mina became friends. The fondness of your voice can be heard at spreading the strawberry icing on the cake. “ Want some?,” you ask, showing him the leftover frosting on your index finger. He looks confused by what you're asking. “ The frosting. Have some,” you bring your finger closer to him. 

Jungkook wonders if you know what you are doing. He could have not possibly licked the sweet frosting off your fingers. “ I-I uh no, it’s okay,” he fumbles with his camera, turning it off and hastily putting it in his bag. “ I think this is it for today,” he puts his backpack on. 

“ Okay...see you tomorrow,” you walk him out of your house.

----

The cafeteria is filled with the tune of Happy Birthday, Jungkook films you as you bring the pink cake in front of Mina. Zooming in on Mina’s face, he sees the evident rose blush that turns brighter as all the attention is on her, your lips kiss her cheek as you wish her a happy birthday under your breath. 

“ Jungkook, you can stop filming and have some cake,” you say as you slice a cake for him. His eyes widen and you chuckle as hand him the cake. The lunch table is filled with laughter and he feels like he’s almost part of the friend group. Some of your friends ask him questions and bring him in some of the conversation. Jungkook starts filming again and asks more questions towards your friends on what they are going to miss the most about each other. By the end of lunch he feels like he’s got good content and wants to start editing. 

You walk with him towards the AV room, and you hug him just outside the classroom. He feels your slightly smaller body engulf him in your warmness. His arms are awkwardly staying by his side and his heart rate quickens as seconds pass. You pull away and smile at him, “ Thank you Jungkook. It really means a lot for you to do this.”

“ No problem. You did pay me for this…,” he awkwardly states. He wants to slap himself for always being too abrupt with you. “ I mean it was kinda fun filming you. You radiate this wholesome energy,” he tries to compliment you. 

Laughing lightly you hit his shoulder, “ Wholesome, huh? I was thinking maybe we should keep in touch so we can have eachothers back while in California…” you quirk your eyebrow, shrugging your shoulders nervously. Jungkook face blanks and you quickly retract your words, “ Nevermind, we don’t have to-”

“ No, I’d like that!,” his voice raises at the end. He rubs his head, “ Yes, let’s keep in touch.” Your phone pings and you smile at a text message quickly typing away. Jungkook clears his throat causing you to look up at him, “ I feel like we have everything for the video. I should be done editing by the end of the week.”

“ Cool, I’ll see you later,” you wave at him and watch him enter the classroom.

At home Jungkook is meticulously working on the video not wanting to disappoint you. He’s in deep entrance of you talking in the video, he jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Taking off his headphones he sees his mom staring at his laptop and he closes it immediately. “ Mom! Why did you knock?,” he whines. He doesn’t know why he feels embarrassed, it’s not like he was watching porn.

“ I did knock but there was no reply. Who’s that your girlfriend?,” she gleefully smiles wanting to peek more at the video.

Jungkook groans and leaning his head back,“ No, just a girl. She paid me to do this video for her friends.” 

She hums lightly brushing her son’s slightly long hair, not wanting to bother her son anymore she quickly states that dinner is ready. 

----

Jungkook thinks you're going to ignore him the next morning since he was done filming you but you don’t. Instead you walk towards him snapping a polaroid of him and laugh at his surprised expression. “ This marks the end of a chapter to the beginning of a chapter in our life,” you tell him waving the polaroid. 

Jungkook rubs his eyes from the sudden flash, “ What do you mean?,” he asked for more information for your vague providence. 

 The short white dress you wear waves in a similar fashion as gold hoops dangle from your ears, “ We are ending our chapter of highschoolers today but I’m now beginning a chapter with you...as in the beginning of our friendship,” you look closer at the photo smiling at his doe eyes.

“ Y/N!,” your name is called out by Chaeyong. 

“ I’ll talk to you later, yeah?,” you watch him nod and walk towards Chaeyong.

Jungkook sighs and puts his headphones on and plays on his phone as he walks to his locker. He bumps into someone and he is about to say sorry but the words couldn’t come out. Yoongi stands in front of him with a glazed expression. Never in his time of attending this school has he come this close to Yoongi. Yoongi is a quiet kid, he can’t be described as a delinquent since he doesn’t start in any trouble but he does voice his opinion from time to time and teachers hate that. Afterschool he watches the football team on the bleachers smoking cigarettes with his friends. The teachers don’t say anything because it’s after school hours and honestly they couldn’t care less if he would end up getting lung cancer in his mid thirties. 

Yoongi’s skin is soft and pale, and his eyes are dark, he has this intimidating aura that Jungkook didn’t feel comfortable with. “ Sorry,” Jungkook finally mutters out. Yoongi doesn’t say anything but walks past Jungkook, lightly brushing his shoulder with his. He can smell the dark cologne trying it’s best to bask the nicotine scent. Even though this may be the last time seeing Yoongi, he does not want to get on his bad side. 

---

Jungkook just got out of the shower when he sees that he got a missed call from you, he calls you back curious to what you have called him for. You immediately pick up,“ Hey! Are you busy right now?” 

Jungkook puts his phone on speaker, “ No, not really...why?,” he answers while putting on his boxers. 

“ Just bored...wanna hangout?,” you let out a sigh. 

Jungkook fingers combs through his damp hair, looking at his appearance through his bathroom mirror. He’s wearing comfortable baggy clothes and he wonders if he should dress up. “ Sure, what are we going to do?”

“ You ask too many questions. Just come over and bring your camera!” Jungkook wasn’t able to say anything afterwards because you hung up. His father was shocked to hear that his son wanted to borrow his car because Jungkook wasn't the type to hangout outside of school with his friends. Jungkook’s father was actually happy to hear this and asked if he needed any money and he politely declined his father. When arriving at your house he saw that no one else was parked on the driveway, his anxiety getting the best of him. He decided not to park in the driveway since he didn’t want to seem rude. He shoots you a text upon his arrival, and you open the door for him, greeting him with a smile.

“ My parents are visiting some family members and my sister is probably gonna spend the night with her boyfriend...so it’s just us,” you lead him to your room. He looks around your room and easily spots a minimalist aesthetic “ Sorry I just exercised. I’m going to take a quick shower,” you tell him, urging him to make himself comfortable. 

Jungkook gulps and sits on the chair by your desk. He sees makeup products and some old homework assignments that you yet to discard. There are several manga volumes and decide to read one hoping that you don’t mind. He’s a couple chapters in when he hears someone calling your name and coming upstairs, he freezes staring at the door wondering if your parents came home early. The door opens and he jolts when he comes face to face with Min Yoongi. 

“ What the hell are you doing here?,” Yoongi walks straight to Jungkook grabbing at the collar of the shirt. 

“ Uhh-I-I Y/N-,” Jungkook stammers out, cringing at how stupid he sounds. What the fuck why is Yoongi in your room? 

“ Yoongi!,” you yell at him. You come out of the bathroom only wearing a large t-shirt that covers just about to your mid thighs, your hair is still wet dripping on the shirt, and you come between the two men before Jungkook ends up with a black eye. Yoongi calms down as soon as you touch his wrist and he rolls his eyes at Jungkook gaping at the sight of him in your room. “ I didn’t expect you to come this early, Yoongi,” you look at Yoongi. You look nervously at the sight of Yoongi fuming ready to tear Jungkook's head.

“ What’s he doing here?,” Yoongi points at Jungkook. 

“ I’m just as confused as to why I’m exactly here…,” Jungkook is picking up his camera bag ready to leave the house. 

Your hand touches Jungkook's arm to cease him from leaving without your explanation, “ Stay please. Just let me explain,” you make eye contact with Jungkook. Nodding he sits down on the comfy chair, while waiting patiently for you to explain. Yoongi continues standing up despite you telling him to sit down too. “ I want you to film me and Yoongi,” you say confidently but there's a nervous shake near the end of your sentence, tugging nervously at the hem of your shirt, you look at Jungkook to see his reaction. 

Jungkook heart races,“ Doing what?,” his voice shakes, he knows what it is but he needs to be absolutely sure.

“ Me fucking her, you idiot,” Yoongi grunts looking at Jungkook. Yoongi looks at you with concern, “ You are not doing this because of last week. Baby, I was half kidding of doing a sex tape,” he comes closer moving some of the wet hair strands out of your face. 

Grabbing gently at his hand you kiss the back of his hand, “ I want to do it. When Jungkook was filming me I thought it wouldn’t be so bad for him to film us...just as long as no one else sees it, right?,” you look between Yoongi and Jungkook. Yoongi nods his head immediately in agreement but Jungkook looks hesitant scratching at his head.

“ I’ll do it. You can trust me, Y/N,” Jungkook finally says. Jungkook thinks to himself that this is the only opportunity he’ll ever see you naked so he’ll be an idiot to say no. The thought of him filming you in such a vulnerable way is erotic yet beautiful to him. 

“ Really?,” your eyes widen in excitement. Walking towards Jungkook you grab his hand giving him a comforting squeeze. Yoongi sighs at your actions but you ignore him looking at Jungkook’s pretty eyes. 

“ Yeah of course, Y/N. Let me get my stuff ready,” Jungkook feels your hand leave his and he goes through his camera bag. He watches you go to Yoongi and he hears Yoongi talking softly to you, caressing you as nod cutely to him. “ I’m all set,” Jungkook speaks clearly, interrupting the conversation that you and Yoongi had. “ Just do whatever you guys are comfortable with,” Jungkook gulps when Yoongi leads you to the bed.

Yoongi brings you on his lap, not hesitating to bring his lips to yours. You sigh at the feeling of his hands massaging your bare thighs feeling them move closer to your ass. The kiss grows more messier with each second, and you start grinding on him trying to relieve yourself. His hand grabs the back of your neck and he hums while forcing you to look at him. “ Who said you can do that?,” he tsk at the sight of your desparation. Yoongi turns your head whispering, “ Look at the camera.” Listening to his command you see Jungkook behind the camera and you feel more shy at Jungkook looking at you in a desperate state. “ Don’t act so coy. You like the thought of someone watching us,” he laughs lightly, his hand going under your shirt rubbing your stomach up and down not going anywhere you need him the most. “ Camera boy,” Yoongi sardonically calls Jungkook. 

“ Yes…,” Jungkook replies with hesisitance. 

“ Come closer to us,” Yoongi continues touching your body. 

Jungkook slowly walks closer to you and Yoongi, he has the camera focus on your face and smile shyly at him. Yoongi kisses your neck leaving a few love bites, finally letting his reach to your breast fondling it as you stare at the camera. “ Yoongi, I want more,” you squirm when he pinches your nipple at your plea. “ I’ll be good for you,” you beg and turn your head so you can kiss him again. It seems like he’s done with the teasing when he pulls your shirt over your head, quickly wrapping his mouth on your nipple. Tossing your head back you moan at the feeling, Jungkook brings the camera closer to your face. It turns you on more that he’s watching you in this state. 

Yoongi's mouth leaves your nipple and lets out a dark laugh, “ Look at her, she’s a whore for attention,” he slaps your breast causing you to hiss in delight.  Yoongi stares into the camera “ Did you know she would beg me to fuck her behind the bleachers?” The question is more posed for Jungkook rather than the camera. If Yoongi is honest he doesn’t like Jungkook. His distaste for Jungkook started when he noticed that his girl was taking an interest in Jungkook. Yoongi would see all pretty and perfect for the camera boy around school. He wanted to punch Jungkook when he sat too close to you during lunch looking at you like a kid in love. 

“ Yoongi don’t,” you whine at him for not to spill more stories about your devious sexacpades. Yoongi manhandles you, taking your panties off, throwing it to the side, and commands you to get on all fours. You love when he gets serious and mad since he takes all his emotions on you as he fucks you. His hands rub your folds spreading your wetness, the pleasure gets the best of you and you slightly drop your head down. 

He grabs your hair forcing you to look at the camera, “ Look at the camera,” he holds your hair tighter. He inserts two of his fingers in your entrance preparing you and you just want him to just shove his dick in you but he always makes sure you are completely prepared. “ Fuck, look at you soaking your sheets like a slut,” he laughs trying to make you feel more humalited. “ Always making a mess. Remember when I fucked you in the boys restroom at school,” he asked. Of course you remember he fucked you from behind and he gagged you with your own panties. You shake your head not wanting to let Jungkook know that you weren’t the model student in school. Yoongi let’s a boisterous laugh, “ Really? C’mon Camera Boy won’t tell anyone, right?,” Yoongi looks at Jungkook. 

Jungkook is all lost with words, he didn’t know you had this side of you. It was just twenty minutes ago he found out that he were dating Yoongi and now he finds out that you would have sex on campus. The thought of you getting fucked in the bathroom turned him on, he envisioned you trying to keep your cute little moans quite. He wondered if you went back to class as if everything was normal with cum inside you. A small part of him wished it was him doing those things to you. He finally answers Yoongi, “ I won’t tell anyone,” he gives you a look of comfort.

“ Good because I would kill you if you do. See Y/N, no need to deny how much of a slut you are,” Yoongi kisses your shoulder. Your cheeks redden despite how much of his statement is true. He lets go of your hair and you hear him rustling with his pants, turning your head you see him stroking his cock. You have the sudden urge to want to taste him in your mouth. He makes eye contact with you and you can’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach. Turning your head back you stare at Jungkook, noticing his pants gone tighter. You wonder if Yoongi would be open to having Jungkook join. Maybe have him jerk off at the sight of you getting fuck by Yoongi. Or have him fuck your mouth as Yoongi takes you from behind. The options are endless and you get more wetter at the dirty thoughts. Your thoughts get interrupted when Yoongi slides his cock into you. His hands grab your hips possessively fucking into you deep and slow. 

“ Fuck Yoongi,” you moan his name. His thrust is getting deeper and his hands tighten as you clench around him. “ Do I feel good?,” you look at the camera.

He groans and his thrust are faster, “Shit-yeah. I could fuck you all the time,” he slaps your ass. Nodding your head in agreement, “ Your gonna miss me fucking this tight pussy? ,” he slaps your ass again. You can’t answer because he spreads your legs further apart trying to hit you deeper. Making you land face first onto the mattress. Your face is probably not in view to the camera but you don’t care, you just want to get lost in the feeling of Yoongi fucking you to obilivion. 

Jungkook comes to the bed and Yoongi watches him carefully as he pushes some of the hair that completely covers your face. Pushing the hair back he can see your pretty eyes that swarmed with lust along with your plump lips leaving out moans. “ Her face was covered. I just wanted a better shot,” Jungkook tries to defend himself.

Yoongi scoffs, “ Whatever man,” and he continues to fuck you at a faster rate. Causing you to moan his name louder. “ Such a fucking slut. Prancing around in your short skirts around school knowing guys would stare at you,” his hand finds your clit and pinches it. “ My little slut,” he whispers.

You feel your approach coming “ Can I cum? Pleaseee,” you whine more with each thrust. He rubs your clit faster, and you cry at how good he is fucking you. 

“Come for me,” he slaps your clit. Your eyes roll back as you moan loudly as he keeps hitting the spot that makes you see stars. You can tell that Yoongi is about to cum as his movement gets sloppier, squeezing your waist. He groans your name as he cums in you. Yoongi slumps down on you, “Fuck, you’re so pretty,” he whispers in your ear. You smile dumbly at his compliment. Yoongi gets up from your back, pulling himself out of you. Yoongi looks at Jungkook still holding his camera, “ You can stop recording,” he looks down and sees Jungkook sporting a boner. 

“ Sorry,” Jungkook turns off the camera. 

“ You’re good,” Yoongi disregards the needless apology. Yoongi hastily pulls up his boxers and pants, bending down he helps you turn around so you are now laying on your back. Leaning down he kisses you softly on your cheeks making his way to your lips. You sigh happily into the kiss. “ I love you,” he kisses you one last time. 

“ No, I love you,” you smile cheekily. 

Yoongi smiles pinching your nose,“ Brat.”

Jungkook stands in your room not knowing what to do just simply watching the interaction you have with Yoongi. “ I’ll have the video sent to you by tomorrow morning,” he interrupts the scene. He makes his way to his camera bag.

“ You should stay,” you tell Jungkook. Yoongi gives you a look, getting up from his position and going to your bathroom. You hear the water faucet and you assume he is getting a wet towel for you. Jungkook eyes widen, not knowing to accept or refuse your proposal since Yoongi is against the idea. “ Stay. I’ll order pizza and we can all watch movies. You know as a thank you for filming us,” you give him a hopeful smile. 

Yoongi comes back with the wet towel, grabbing your shirt on the floor along with new panties.“ Jungkook, you can stay,” he looks at Jungkook. “ Spread your legs for me baby,” Yoongi kisses your knee. You do as you're told and he cleans you.

Million things are going inside Jungkook's head.  Should he stay? Would that be weird? Wouldn’t it be more weird if he declined, he did see you and Yoongi naked already-- “ Jungkook what pizza toppings do you want?,” you ask while scrolling on the delivery app. He must have been spaced out for a couple minutes since you have clothes on. Yoongi is combing your hair through his fingers while looking at your phone. “ As long as it is not pineapple,” Yoongi comments.  

“ Anything is fine,” Jungkook finally answers. He hears you hum and you order whatever topping you want. Jungkook puts his equipment on your desk, he decides to sit at the end of the bed not wanting to cross the line. 

You finish ordering the food, laying your head on Yoongi’s chest, you stare at Jungkook awkwardly sitting on the bed. “ Come closer, we don’t bite,” you tell Jungkook. You pat beside you so he can come forward. Jungkook looks at Yoongi for permission and you roll your eyes. Looking at Yoongi, he nods his head as if to say okay. One Punch Man is playing and surprisingly there is no more tension in the room, but filled with careless laughter. The doorbell rings, “ Pizza is here, I’ll be back,” you kiss Yoongi on the cheek. 

Jungkook prayed that you didn’t leave him alone with Yoongi but you already left. “ Jungkook, you’re going to the same school as Y/N, yeah? ” Yoongi asked but he still continues watching the anime.

“ Yeah,” Jungkook answers nervously.

“ Take care of her for me,” Yoongi finally looks at him. 

Jungkook feels like Yoongi's words hold a deeper meaning but regardless Jungkook nods, “ Uhh-yeah okay.”

Yoongi moves his attention back to the anime once he hears your footsteps.  

[just-a-poor-boy-queen]

you: if what i post bothers you so much to the point you have to write a long thinkpiece about it every time, maybe it would be healthier for all of us if you just stopped following me!

general response: i'm forced to agree with your stupid opinion or i'm attacted. also you're a cult.

you don't have to post this if don't want, but that's exactly what i got scrolling through tumblr yesterday. i hope you're feeling okay!❤

Thank you for checking in, I really, truly appreciate it🤍

Yeah, I mean. It was one person who said that, and they’ve said other things in the past that have rubbed me off in the wrong way. So I wasn’t all that surprised.

But yes, I think by now a whole group of people consider me as an immature twat because I shit on my blog, reblog the posts I agree with on my blog, and essentially, run my blog according to my own views. I am not sure when I have attacked anyone, but oh well, apparently I am tone deaf, so I must’ve done it.

And look, I will be honest. I will not understand the view of the ‘other side’. Like nope. I have tried and tried and failed. And yesterday I talked to one of them after the tumblr fiasco (not the vague blog person, though they said that they weren’t vague blogging - yeah, sure) and they confessed that they don’t understand my views either. So essentially, we’re both here not understanding the other side, and ranting about it on our own blogs. Ranting about our own views and opinions, and how the ‘other side’ is getting it all wrong. So I legit see no difference between myself and them. If I am good or bad then they’re just as good or bad as me. But guess who is compared to a crazy person. Guess who is called immature and disrespectful and intolerant and rude.

Anyway, I am now not inclined to get involved in any discussion with other people under their posts. I already do not do that in group chats I am in, but I think I’ll just limit airing my opinions about everything and not just this, to my own blog. Not sure if anyone wants to hear them here either, but oh well. I’ll leave that up to all of you to decide.

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i am out there!! i'm glad you liked it! i'm definitely trying out the recipe you left in the tags. it sounds way better than just banana and peanut butter. i always have to pay a lot of attention when i type banana because i've ended up with "bananana" way too many times

i was planning to run straight to your askbox the second i saw you replied but then the end of the semester happened and it killed me. hopefully i'm done with it now

i do exactly the same thing with height! if you tell me your height in feet i have absolutely no idea how tall that is. if you say that in centimetres that's easy. i mean you're 155cm so that's 12cm shorter than me. when you told me that in feet i was like okay cool i have no idea how much shorter than actually is

i love birds!!! so that seems awesome! i am now titling you the queen of birds. and i'm glad your vacation was good! i think i saw a couple of posts you made about it so it definitely does seem like a lot of fun! and did you ever figure out completely what that see through animal (?) in the sand was? i had no idea stuff like that even existed so now i'm invested in knowing what it is

i am 100% hiring you for my coming out party i'm throwing in a couple of years. it's gonna be fun. if we don't get immediately kicked out i promise good food and some spicy drama between my homophobic relatives and my accepting relatives! and my brother's, who i already came out to, dry commentary

i was definitely not the one you told about burma trails! but from the tags i'm just gonna say how is that allowed and why does it seem like a weird type of torture? i hate it, i probably would've had a heart attack 3 seconds in

oh yeah i actually can't tell most of the time if the memories from my childhood are actual memories or if it's just a combination of having seen photos and heard stories about it

my glasses prescription is fine i think. my eye doctor said that i get headaches from glasses because... well i tried to explain this and then deleted it all because it was a very scientific explanation when she said it and i zoned out pretty much halfway through and even the part that i did understand i can't translate to english! but it has something to do with the fact that with contacts it's enough to move my eyes in the direction i want to look at and with glasses i have to move my whole head and my brain got so used to contacts that it overdoes it with the eye movements when wearing glasses? i dunno. this is the best i can do in explaining it

i must admit i'm very jealous of the never snows part because while snow is pretty to look at it's absolutely freezing! for the past week i slept under a duvet, three blankets while wearing pants and a long sleeve shirt and i still woke up cold. because for a couple of nights it was around -22°C. it's great

ohhh you got pretty lucky as a kid then! my kid self would have absolutely lost it at getting the equivalent of 5/10 bucks. i probably would have bought so much candy

excellent!!! hope you’re enjoying the vague void from whence you came! i’ve never said whence before in my LIFE i wonder if i used it correctly. anyway. the actual recipe was way more specific but once i saw ‘2 frozen bananas’ and looked at all the sliced bananas in my fridge, having no idea how many there were, i just started improvising sdfkhsdfs. I’d be interested to try it with yoghurt though if I can get some dairy free plain stuff, I’m sure I can somewhere. Banana used to be my biggest problem when I was younger. Then I learnt words like occasion and necessary and embarrassed and I realised the more english I tried to learn, the worse my life was gonna get. And I was right. On the bright side, developing an inability to ever spell occasion correctly made banana seem a lot easier to handle.

that is fair. end of semesters are rough. i cannot function during them at all. i hope everything chills out for you!! i’m not sure how the school year is over there but maybe it’s break time? that’d be nice. but rest in peace anyway, enjoy being dead! they say necromancy is frowned upon in all societies but I reckon it’s just called making a friend when you’re dead so maybe you wanna take that up as a hobby! I’ve heard it’s nice this time of year!

yup! sometimes I’m like oh you’re 5 foot 4? that sounds way taller than me. but it...it really isn’t...it’s like an extra 8cm or something. which adds up! but in my head I was picturing a MUCH taller height. In my head I think I picture 6 foot and 5 foot 4 as the same height, now that I think about it.

!!!!! my first order as queen of birds is to meet a morepork face to face so we can chat about the price of pork these days. yes!! the first half was nice but the second half was really fun. my best guess is still that it’s a salp? Maybe? So many salp pictures are massive groups of them but like,, from what i can tell of singular photos,,, it was maybe that? I guess the only other possibility is it’s just some clear jellyfish but salp does seem more likely. At first I was like oh duuude boob implant for the ocean!! but then I realised it actually seemed kinda alive and was probably an actual creature. my bad.

excellent. i’ll break any tension by dropping the vampire act for the mouse act. will do backflips for cheese. will bite ankles for homophobic comments. Will pull a knife out of god knows where, not to threaten anyone, just to clean my nails with to make everyone nervous. I offer many services. I’m flexible. And I love me some good food.

I actually DON’T know the reason behind burma trails. I really don’t. The reason ‘it’s a fun activity!’ seems a little fake. if it’s a fun activity then why did Mrs. G. tell us a horror story about the forest before we went out to navigate said forest at night, blindfolded, surrounded by wildlife and parents supervising (*cough* waiting for the opportunity to jump out at you *cough*) with a teacher at the end waiting to scare us. So we can learn how to navigate the forest in the dark? So we learn how to follow a mysterious rope INTO the forest at night? seems dodgy to me. school camps be like [drives you out to forest] follow this rope and don’t take your blindfold off. like. bruh. i almost DID have a heart attack one time, I got stuck like something was holding my leg. First thought-ah, must’ve got my leg stuck in a big stick. Second thought-maybe this is one of the parents fucking around, it feels more like a grip than a twig. Third thought-I cannot get my leg free no matter what I do what the fuck is HAPPENING so I started crying out for help. When they FINALLY came they found nothing my leg was caught on so that was fun. love that for me. I was able to move as soon as they arrived. That’s not weird at all. anyway.

I think most of my early memories are just from stories I’ve been told and photos I’ve seen. My memory tends to be horrible I highly doubt I remember that one time I was eating dirt from the garden out in the yard gleefully. I just saw the photo evidence. mm spaghetti. bone apple teeth. my character hasn’t changed at all since I was a wee babe.

ohhhh okay. I think I get what you mean by that. Thank you for trying to explain! That’s really interesting. I guess I do move my head a lot with glasses. Although I have massive glasses so it’s probably easier for me to just move my eyes where I want. I reckon with smaller glasses I’d have to move my head way more.

the temperature comment is so funny because during the heart of winter i tend to sleep with a sheet, a blanket, a duvet, then 2-4 blankets on top while in a long sleeve shirt and long pants and sometimes bed socks and often a hottie (i’ve never realised how that sounds out of context...a hot water bottle...is calling it a hottie normal or is a my family thing? is this a nz thing? now i’m questioning myself). in my uni accommodation last year we didn’t have proper heating during most of winter and well. there was a quilt added to everything else. every blanket i could find. how cold does it get here in winter? rarely ever past 0 degrees celsius. I would literally die in your position, clearly. I could not survive that. Props to you for making it through aha.

yesss. Before when I found five dollar notes it’d be on the street and I’d be like oh no! Mum we have to hand this into the police station! It’s a lot of money, someone will be looking for it! Understandably she was like,, lindsey they might miss it but there’s not really any way you can find them,,, I still refused to spend it. That was like my first time really getting that much money for myself. The dairy on main street sold lollies for 10 cents each and they had like, 30 different lil glass boxes so you’d go I want 3 of 26, 5 of 7, ohhh and 5 of 13 please! I dunno if they’re still 10 cents each but I thought it was the best thing ever as a kid. I think I wanted to save the money though sfdjsdkfhs put it in my piggy bank to save up for something ‘super cool’. Aka probably like a neat soft toy to sleep with sdfsdkfs.

[mymemoirs]

Unrecorded Memories and Missing Taiwan #8

This is gonna be my last post for this series because I am left with only one week worth of story. Yes, my 2018 summer exchange story is coming to an end. I'm so glad it's going to be over because there's so many things I want to write in my next post.

32) Monday came and each groups presented their presentation in front of the class. My groupmates and I presented our presentation. It went smoothly and there were no real pressure compared to my AI presentation. Unlike the AI presentation, there was no grading for our presentation and thus no recognition of who's the best presenter in our class. Well, I think this way we can just be neutral and enjoy everyone's presentation. Although, to be honest, I can't remembered any of the presentations during this class compared to the AI class.

Okay, this is really out of context, but I have to admit that the Indian students I met are confident and good presenter. One presenter in particular presented like Steve Jobs. His talk is inspiring and full of hope (well, his expressions especially) even though he's just explaining about an AI that creates lyrics for music.

Now, back to topic *laughs*. So, after everyone in the class finished their presentation, I think we were dismissed quite early. I don't really remember what I did that day. The only clue I have of that day is a photo of the 7-Eleven near the campus. I think knowing well that I will miss that place, I just took a photo of it for my memorabilia. Well, sure enough, I do missed that convenience store. They have everything! I always bought my breakfast there. Sometimes I even have my lunch or dinner there. It's such a memorable place. I really love how the convenience store really depicts 'convenient' very well. It's very different from the convenience store in my country. Oh, and I think it's open for 24 hours. Like, seriously, this is too convenient!

7-Eleven store besides Asia University Campus. Look at that infinite supply of foods with chairs and tables. I just love so many selections of foods to choose, I really miss Taiwan's 7-Eleven.

33) On Tuesday, our professor suddenly told us that we were going to have a campus tour. So, off we go around the campus with our professor as the tour guide. It's not like we don't explore the campus but after the tour, I realize how big the campus is and how little exploration I did. There were so many places, BEAUTIFUL places around the campus. But the only thing I did whenever I finished classes was to go back to my room and rest. I don't really explored much except when I get lost. I also didn't visit other friends in different dorm buildings which is located quite far from my own. Now, that I think back, it's really too bad that I don't do much exploring but that's also one of the reason why I would still want to go back to Taiwan if I had the chance. I'm only in Taichung before and there were a lot of cities in Taiwan I haven't explored yet. I'll love another chance to explore the country.

The first half of our class (before lunch) was spent on touring the campus. After that, on the second half of our class, we went to an art museum in Asia University. I think our professor was out of ideas on where to take us and since most of us never visited the art museum that was actually located in the campus. He suggested that and we all went along, although, we must pay for our own entrance fee to enter the museum. However, I think it was discounted. I vaguely remembered paying 100 NTD for that.

The museum itself is called "Asia Museum of Modern Art" located in Asia University's premises. I actually had to pass through the museum every time I went back to my dorm. It have this amazing architecture that's also one of its selling point in my opinion. The architect of the building is a Japanese man named Tadao Ando. I just have to go gaga on him after searching more about him and his works. What a talented man he is! It even shows in the museum I went.

He's a King of Concrete because his works mostly uses concretes and the museum I went was made of concrete. It was also not painted and that's really interesting to see a building not painted but still exudes such a classy and modern look. There's also one spot in the museum that's very popular. Since the building is triangle, the corner of it have this eye fish effect if we took a picture from that corner. Just take a look at this picture below!

In one of the corners in Asia Museum of Modern Art.

As you can see, being in the corner allows people to see both sides of the wall, making an effect of using a wide lens or fish eye lens. I saw Tadao Ando's other work too in the internet and I am officially a fan of his work now. He really have piqued my interest in the world of design. I'm in love. *laughs*

Since it was an art museum, there were a lot of art works ranging from pottery, paintings to very abstract object. According to the guide, the museum have different arts displayed there depending on the exhibitions. I don't really remember what exhibition or what theme I am seeing when I went there but I was mostly focused on the architecture of the buildings. Walking around and seeing people taking pictures. I don't really take pictures which is kind of a bummer but I don't think I feel comfortable asking people to take a picture of me. Most of my pictures are taken in a group or by my classmate's initiative.

I took a picture of this because of the meaning behind the words which is very simple but deep. You read it downwards and from right to left, it would be translated as: "In Beauty, there are great pain and ecstasy"

34) After our trip to the museum, we can go back to our dorm. That Tuesday was actually the last night for my roommates since their classes had finished. So, we decided to eat outside and find a cafe where we can chill near the campus. The campus is actually very convenient since there's a lot of shops near it. I actually enjoyed eating around there to be honest. Ah, now I really miss my student's life. Hahaha.

When we went to the cafe, we ordered waffles and shared it among the four of us. While we were eating, the cafe owner suddenly approached us and offered another serving of waffles for free. That is actually quite surprising for us but we received it with delight. Who wouldn't like a freebies right? However, I had a feeling the reason we got that free waffle was because my roommates were attractive. Or maybe it's just because we were new customers and he wanted to gain repeating customers. Which is me *laughs* cause I brought another friends to that cafe again but we weren't lucky to receive a free waffle again. Oh yeah, the name of the cafe is 唯享时刻 (Enjoy Moments) which have a very cute exterior. I think that's the reason why the four of us is interested to try out that cafe.

Anyway, while being on the topic "being treated/ getting freebies" cause you're attractive, it's only when I went to Taiwan that I do saw this kind of thing. I mean back in my country, it's really rare to see my friends being treated or offered by strangers 'cause we're really scared if that actually happens. Heck, I even saw it twice happening with my roommates since one of my roommates were especially attractive. Aside from the cafe, there's this one time when we went to a minimart to buy our breakfast for tomorrow. The cashier actually didn't charge one of my roommate for something she brought it was as if he was treating her. It was actually amusing for me to witness that, their conversation goes like this:

Cashier: *scans barcode of the stuff, leave out an item and then says the price*

Roommate: Um, you forgot to scan the banana.

Cashier: Oh, no, it's alright. It's for you.

Roommate: Um, okay... *while giving the money* Thank you.

This is not really the exact conversation since I forgot if the cashier even said anything at all about giving it to her. I am not beside or behind her when this happened and I remembered the cashier being meek but he was definitely attracted to my friend. Because after going out of the minimart, the rest of my roommates who also went to the same class with her, tease her and said that this is not the first time the cashier treated her. And I think that's also part of the reason why they chose to shop at that minimart.

Last picture together before my roommates leave Asia University.

Anyway, back to to the cafe moment, I was really sad that we had to part ways tomorrow. Iris and Karen were going to stay in Taiwan for a while but they will go to a different cities tomorrow. Vincy, on the other hand, will be going back to Hong Kong. I can't remember every conversation we had, but I do miss them from time to time. I don't know if they feel that way towards me because our meeting is really such a short period of time and I actually rely on them as my roommates. We still had the WhatsApp group chats but it's always me who initiate the conversation in the group but even if we're not close, they really leave behind such a deep impression on me. I do hope I can meet them again.

35) The next day, on Wednesday, we have our class as usual. Our professor invited other lecturer to teach us about Fintech that day. There weren't much to mentioned for this day except that my roommates all went to their respective destination and we parted ways. I did have the chance to eat my lunch with Vincy before I sent her off in front of the campus. Aaaah, now I really miss them and the moments I had with them but life must go on and that's the thing about making friends across countries. You need to go back to where you belong.

On Thursday, the professor told us that we're going to have a farewell party and ask us to gather in a cafe near the museum. The cafe was actually managed by an alumni of the university and I think that's the reason why our professor wanted us to go there. Although, I don't know if the cafe still exists since it doesn't show up in google maps. With the pandemic that's happening, I felt it cause businesses to go bankrupt but at the same time new kind of businesses went viral during the pandemic.

During our farewell, everyone is having a light snacks and coffee, conversations, picture taking, etc. I don't quite remembered how the event unfolds in the Entrepreneurship and Creativity class farewell compared to the AI class farewell. I think the professors only gave some short speech and we also watch some videos before we received our certificates. The owner of the cafe also gave her speech about the cafe which really fits our class.

Receiving the certificate of completion from the professor.

After the farewell party, everyone is free to go. I usually hang out with my Thai friends when I'm on this class but instead of going out with them, I went out with my classmates who came from the same university as I am. It's funny that I only get close with them on the last day. I think they've told me that they felt I was not really approachable especially since I always hang out with my Thai classmates. I don't really deny that because I personally felt the time is so short to be friends with everyone and I'm the type to focus on one group of friends rather than getting along with everyone which I think is impossible for introverted me.

It's a good thing that I do get along with them eventually. I am also grateful that they invited me to go out with them 'cause I don't think I'll go anywhere that day if they didn't invite me. Although, initially I think they just invited me to get a picture together in front of the campus as the representative of our university. After that, they find me approachable enough to ask if I had any plans and would like to join them. Since I love travelling and am not the type to plan most of my days, I gladly accept their offer.

So, off we go to their dorm since they had to take care of some stuff (like preparing to go out, do a little packing, pray, etc). Since, I'm ready to go out and have done most of my packing, I don't mind going along with them to their dorm. It's also the first time I visited other dorm buildings aside from my own. Their dorm rooms are actually quite different compared to mine. They had inner toilet in their rooms while in my dorm the toilet is outside of our rooms. While I am there watching them, one of the classmates actually offered to do some makeup on my face and I let her do it. Although, I don't really have a picture of it unfortunately.

Me and my classmates from Airlangga University

After that, we went downtown to get our lunch since the food in the cafe is just light snacks. It was quite late when we grabbed our food, I think around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. We went to subways since they're craving for it and I also think it's halal for them. I actually enjoyed talking with them, they're funny and expressive. However, in terms of a travel buddy, I don't think I can get along with them because they only visited shops and more shops to buy the stuff people ask them to. Of course, they charge for it which is very business minded of them but I can see they're struggling with their baggage too.

We were outside for the whole day. Since, I had no makeup remover, I had to follow them to their room to use it. Afterwards, I left their dorm because I had prior plans with two of my Thai classmates (Phoom and Benz) to eat together since this is our last night in Taiwan. I remembered only eating with both of them even though there are other Thai classmates who didn't joined us that night.

While walking to our meeting point, I actually thought how beautiful the night view is around the campus. There were couple of places I went during daylight but it looks so different and beautiful with the lights. The moon was very bright that night too. Tbh, those kind of moments actually reignite my desire to travel again and even during that time I already missed Taiwan. I'm sure people who travel or on a holiday have those kind of moments where they miss holidays even before it ends.

Now, back to our dinner. We ate our dinner in a beef noodle shop near the campus which is actually very popular because it's close to the university and it also tastes quite good. Although, I don't think we can eat that everyday because it's quite costly compared to other available options (around 100 NTD). But when's the perfect time to eat a bit costly dinner than the last day, right? I personally enjoy talking to both of them even though they are much older than me since I knew they were a master's student around their 30s. After eating, we went to a minimart where they bought beers and then we walked back to our respective dorms since my dorm buildings aren't the same with them.

36) Friday, my last day in Taiwan! Everyone who's going back that day went to the meeting point in front of the campus where we will board on a bus that's heading to the airport. We say our goodbyes to the remaining friends who's going to stay, taking pictures together and just spent some time chatting before the bus arrived. Most of my classmates are going back directly to their countries but I was heading to Singapore instead because I have relatives living there.

The moon is so tiny but trust me, it really caught my eyes. Seeing it with your own eyes does feels different.

We all went home that day. It was really a memorable month for me and I am grateful that I get to experience all of this. I have always wanted a student exchange experience while still balancing my college life and this opportunity came through. Having this summer exchange on 2018 was one of the best highlights I had during college. While on the plane back home, I sat near besides the window and I was able to see a full moon shining brightly and beautifully. Although my phone didn't do much justice to the grandeur I saw, I really wanted to share with everyone the picture of it to end this series.

- Reina

PS. Thank you for reading this series, if anyone ever read it. I really appreciate it. Even though there are certain events or timelines that I'm not completely sure of, I find writing and sharing about the memories I had in Taiwan as a fond thing to do because it's really a memorable one that I just had to write about it. I also find this process - digging up past memories - to be a good exercise for my brain.

[ladybuvelle]

I find it odd that you often have posts about feeling excluded in the community, given your generally high activity levels and the great level of respect and personal adoration I hold for you. Of course, from outside, one never gets the full tory. I think you're a driven individual who is at times too harsh on herself but who also deserves a better situation than the one you have. You're a skilled artist and immensely dedicated.

// First of all: thank you for the kind words.

But more pressingly onto the subject of exclusion… it’s hard to talk about without giving specific examples, but when I look back on it it’s been a role playing career problem for me for years. I’m talking over a decade of role playing on various platforms and in very differing fandoms and “cultures”, but the same problems exist everywhere.

I’ve been hurt before. I’m an old hand when it comes to role play, and I feel like I’ve basically seen the medium from enough sides to know how the tropes and patterns go by now. But I’ve been hurt. Over time I’ve become more guarded, more selective about who I give my time and emotions. Because there are few things that hurt me more than giving someone my all only to have them abandon me in the end. It’s happened too many times. And admittedly, many times I could have prevented it if I’d just been smarter about the company I kept. But abusive relationships wouldn’t be what they are if everyone was so logical. I’ve stuck with people I had no business sticking with because I felt like I had nothing else.

Coming to Tumblr saved my life, literally and figuratively. I’ve said it many times and I’ll keep saying it because it continues to be true even today. But I’m not stupid or blind to what goes on here. Coming here showed me new ways people could hurt me or reject me; for example, I play Sona as straight. I’ve had people who couldn’t quite grasp that idea. Or I’ve had guys who were WAY too pushy about shipping with my muse, or getting really creepy and uncomfortable in the way they’d treat me.

I’ve been told by some dude who I thought was my friend, after a sudden and long-winded life story I didn’t ask for, that my feelings didn’t matter because he had a mental illness. And then when I immediately broke contact with him he was so buttmad about it he put in his blog rules that he didn’t want to hear about me or my blog, but that if people wanted to know about it he’d tell them. I had people over a year later coming to me asking what the hell was up because he was still talking about me. I’d never called him out. I’d never really gossiped or slandered him before then. And I won’t say who he was because what’s done is done and I really don’t even care anymore about it - it’s just one example of how easy it is to get a bad reputation here.

People meet me, decide how they feel about me, and then tell their friends, and their friends form opinions about me based on second-hand brief encounters. I actually had someone fairly recently say how “uncomfortable” I made them despite never having spoken to me personally before - all based on a few loose facts. I did get to speak to them, but I was left utterly baffled by the whole experience.

I’ve had someone block me all because they thought I called them selfish, when in reality I was just trying to tell them to try and look at things from another perspective and be proud of the work they do. I was asked to leave an art group for it. One person “””joked””” they wanted to “fight me”. I hadn’t cringed that hard in ages.

I’ve had people tell me I embarrassed them by casually correcting them on lore things, or being “too knowledgeable” about their chosen muse, or because I’m not pandering to their spells of self-hate and angst. I’ve been told I “don’t get it”, or that I’m “weird” for the way I run certain things or my mentality on certain things. There are people I really think I could have been friends with who spoke to me maybe once and have since given me the cold shoulder - and I have no idea why, or how, or what to even do about it. So I don’t do anything about it.

A lot of it? I don’t care. If I were to sit around and cry about every person I’ve somehow hurt or who hurt my feelings, I’d be a shriveled corpse by now. I have more important things to worry about than petty drama or how ___ feels about me or if ___ is talking behind my back. I keep a very, very small personal friend group. And when I say “small” I mean literally like 2-3 people that I talk to with any kind of regularity. If that.

Every attempt to make a new friend is seasoned with anxiety these days. How do they know me? Are they friends with ___? Are they going to have some kind of expectation? Do they even have an interest in my muse? Am I even going to like them?

So yes. To a certain extent I do feel excluded sometimes. I don’t ever want to make a big deal out of things here because that’s stupid and drama is stupid. I’ve never really and extensively talked about the things listed above on the blog because, frankly, it’s all my own personal business that no one else should be involved in. I’m not here to do call-out posts or tell you not to follow XYZisms or whatever the fuck because they hurt my feelings. If anything, when I do talk to someone about a lot of these encounters, I always point out that “I’m not going to tell you not to follow them, because they’re still very talented/probably just aren’t friend-compatible with me/etc.” Unless I feel someone is a real danger to others, I’m never going to tell people “stay away!”. That’s a shitty thing to do.

It does, however, mean awkwardly excusing myself from certain chat groups, or game sessions, or whatever have you - because I’m not going to be that person who stays where she isn’t wanted. I have a lot of personal integrity. If people see me for who I am and appreciate it, then I appreciate it too. If you’re just going to judge me based on something your friend told you, or because I maybe made a post or image that made you uncomfortable for some reason? That’s your right.

It doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, though. I’m not a rock. I just want to be here and have fun… I hate walking on eggshells for people.

I could also get into the whole issue of “depression culture” here on Tumblr, where it’s practically fashionable to be self-hating and sad, but it’s too broad a subject to comment on and I fully understand that some people are actually, legitimately depressed and suffering and have no outlet. I suffer a lot, too. I’m doing the best I can with it every day. And just because I can handle certain things doesn’t mean other people can just as easily.

I’ve been berated for being strong in the face of my problems. I’ve been told I make people feel bad for being happy. How fucked is that? And god forbid I don’t pander to people who just want attention all the time. Or god forbid I actually try to reach out and help. But I guess I’m too old to understand the emotional young adult lifestyle. I’m 31. I’m far away from all that bullshit now, and even though I’m full of life advice and general perspective, it doesn’t matter because some people just wanna be angry or sad.

I’m not making fun. Sometimes that’s just how it is… you have to fall on your own and learn how to get up on your own.

I didn’t mean to go into this long-winded vent/rant, but I felt the need to explain these feelings that I know I must have been very vague about (on purpose). Communities are weird things. People don’t realize that with popularity comes a level of influence over others. Or they don’t realize that I can fucking see your racism, or whatever hateful shit you post.

Be kinder to each other. I’ll be fine in the long run, because I always am. But learn something, guys. Be more aware of the things you say and do and post.