#yes i'm more emotional because of my meds but also

[pory-z]

my mom made cannelés this week-end i just thought i had to share because they're amazing

i got so emotional i almost cried

[dystopyx-blog]

Stuck in TWST without meds

and also they're yandere or something

@shironakuronatasa here you go pookie <3

Because everyone is different, I'm gonna be focusing on the meds I take and the things I experience! If you're inspired to write one of your own based on your types of meds, go for it! I'd love to see others' takes on this :3

I'm still writing in 2nd person, but you/mc is heavily based off of me!

(And if you still want a personalized one but don't want to write it, my commissions are open/hj)

Tw for one mention of suicidal ideation.

Imagine...

You don't quite have a clusterfuck of things going on in your head, but sometimes it can feel like it. Autism, Anxiety, depression, and ADD. Thankfully, you have access to medication, and they work well for you.

Although you can't keep the downward spiraling from the depression and anxiety away completely, it is far more manageable with your medication. You've found that when off them, you are far more prone to completely fall apart at even the slightest inconvenience. It feels like constant stormy waters, with stormclouds that only make the waves worse. But when on them, the storm disappears. Yes, the waves still get rocky and tip your boat from side to side, but you're emotionally stable enough to handle them.

Then the meds for your ADD. With them you have the razor sharp focus to not only take care of projects and work, but also to simply take care of yourself. When off of those, even simple tasks like taking out the trash can take hours, especially since you so easily forget steps, and will stop the chore in the middle, genuinely thinking it's complete.

But you have your meds, so you manage just fine.

Until you're sucked into Twisted Wonderland.

First of all, even if you had already taken the meds for anxiety/depression, there's not much they could do in the face of being transported and consequently trapped in a different dimension. But they do still help, and instead of bawling, you manage to keep a cool (enough) head and get yourself settled into Ramshackle.

But they don't last you long. They had built up in your system enough to last you a few days, but time and circumstances were not on your side.

Even though Grim is by no means an emotional support pet, and is by all means a little shit, he manages to push his pride aside when he can tell you really need it.

Especially the days where you wonder if death is what will bring you back home...

Grim will act as if he helps you for his own purposes, but he is genuinely there for you.

The others, however...

First of all, quite a few of them don't completely understand... you're extra sad and spacey, but you had some kind of magic to help with it back home, but you don't have them here, and without them you get... sad and spacey?

Riddle probably sees it as some pathetic excuse. It's not until after his overblot that his tune completely changes and he is giving you all the special treatment. Even if you mess up on purpose, even if it's something that really frustrates him, he'll justify it as you not knowing any better. Which is patronizing as hell.

Ace will use it to his advantage. Getting into trouble and having you take the brunt. And you play along with it, because, again, Riddle is treating you like an incompetent child, so you are all for raising Cain with Ace. What Ace really loves about this, though, is that it makes you more willing to hang out with him, and more likely to dislike Riddle.

I imagine Deuce has something going as well, though I don't quite know what, and neither does he. But he finds a kindred spirit in you. Study sessions with him are a MUST, and you share your different study and coping tactics, while he stares at your lovely face.

Trey relishes in caring for you. If you're having any kind of sudden increase in stress or sorrow, he is fucking there. He will scoop you up and take you to the kitchen and treat you with his home baked goodies right then and there. Same with your academics, if you need help with academics, it's to the kitchen for tutoring. And as bad as it is, he finds himself wishing you'd give in and lean on him completely.

Leona will also be there for you in depressive episodes. He sees how you always go to Grim when your upset, notices the little things that Grimm does that helps, and starts subtly using them whenever you're upset. Not even just if it's depression/anxiety related, if you're upset with him specifically he'll start purring in that low register that has your heart slowing. He'll rest his body on your chest as a weighted blanket. He'll let you pet him and comb through his hair. All until all you associate Leona with is safety and comfort–as you should from a mate.

Ruggie is SUCH a little meanie at first! Specifically regarding your ADD. Once he sees how much it genuinely upsets you, though, he'll back off. He does have a manipulative streak, though, and will use your anxiety against you. Any way he can get you to distrust others and seek him out is a good way.

Jack is one who does not fuckin understand at first, but once he does, he's supportive. He asks if there's anyway he can help and you offhandedly tell him about emotional support dogs, and he is locked on. He's embarrassed by it at first, of course, but he can tell how safe it makes you feel, and like Leona he is completely fucking for that. Though he won't just be emotional support, no, he'll be the guard dog chasing away anything that could possibly trigger you.

School is very difficult for you without your ADD meds. You can manage, but it is far more stressful and difficult than it needs to be. So, of course, you have those generously offering to help you–specifically Azul, who's more than willing to help... at a price, of course.

Floyd really likes when you daze off in class... When you're staring blankly, mind thinking about so many things except whatever the professor is droning on about. The way your eyes glaze over, the way you're so focused on whatever the fuck is going on in your head, the way your lips part ever so slightly... All your idle habits are endlessly entrancing to him. And, goes without saying, every single time you're especially depressed, he offers a good squeeze session.

Jade, the manipulative bastard, will purposely set you up for failure so that you feel like you need to go to him for help. Because lord knows Azul will make you pay for it, but not your good friend Jade. Plus, if you ever mention how hiking can help with mood, lord save your soul...

Jamil is such a DICK. He will be degrading you at every second, completely taking over whatever it is you try to do. Even if it has nothing to do with him. God, you remind him of Kalim, but at least you don't have the nerve to be so fucking happy all the time. A sick part of him likes when you're sad. You're less annoying when you're depressed, specifically, without little energy or motivation to do or be anything else. He'd happily take care of you then. He'll do whatever you need done. You'd probably do it wrong anyway.

Kalim feels so fucking seen and understood. He honestly felt like some kind of freak for so much of his life, but you... you're kinda like him! A lot sadder though. Your very existence brightens his life, so he's made it his mission to brighten yours. He also really can't stand it when you're with others. It's so obvious you two are meant for each other! He views your shared ADD symptoms as evidence of soulmateship.

Vil is another case of not fully understanding. You're making excuses. Until he takes it a bit too far, pushes even more than what you can handle, and you fully break down in front of him. You're so completely and utterly vulnerable in that moment. He doesn't know if it's a very dedicated manipulation tactic to get out of his nitpicking, but... he becomes a little more sympathetic with you. Vil recognizes that, for whatever reason, you do in fact seem to struggle more with certain things. And yet, despite that, you still try. You continue push yourself, even if what youre pushing towards is, by other people's standards, the norm/mediocrity/minimum. And in you he starts to see a bit of himself. Especially since, let's face it, with depression, anxiety, and add, it is very likely you relate more to Vil than you do Niege. He helps you, and in turn you help him, though you don't even realize it. Helping you be happier with yourself helps him be happy with himself. And he'll fucking slaughter anyone who takes you away from him.

Rook, like Vil, is easily able to recognize how much you not only struggle, but how much you try. And he finds that incredibly beautiful. Needless to say, he is often watching you. Everything you do is enchanting. He memorizes every. single. stim. and habit. Sometimes when you get frustrated, he just wants to scoop you up in his arms and shower you in kisses, but then you'd realize he broke into your room...

Epel will see how much you get pushed around, and takes it upon himself to defend you. He also sees a bit of himself in you. Sometimes he purposely waits around you, and at the first sign of trouble, he'll attack.

Sometimes you just get too fucking overstimulated and you need a break. And in those times, you've found Idia to be the best person to go to. You both started off pretty distant. You approached him, upset, and asked for a quiet place. You put in headphones and just laid down right there. The two of you just sat in silence, with headphones in, doing your own things, blocking out the world. And, oh, how Idia came to crave those moments. He began to depend on you for comfort, ans hoping that you would similarly come to depend on him. You're different from those other normies, you're the only one who gets him so please just stay with him! He will start to modify his room to be the perfect sensory room, the only place in the school you can go to fully regulate yourself. He starts going out with you, acting as if you're really helping him step out of his shell, when really he just wants to spend more time with you, and will continue to shy away from everyone else and hide behind you. This man desperately needs you to need him as desperately as he needs you.

You are so. Fucking. Cute. Malleus finds your every single quirk so fucking attractive. He doesnt like, however, seeing you so upset. So sad. And the kind of sad where he is helpless to help you. He also really doesn't like it when you're upset at yourself. Don't you realize you're perfect? And who cares if you're not good at any of the school stuff? Malleus doesn't. You don't need any of those skills anyway, with Malleus Draconia here to always take care of you.

if you want the rest of diasomnia or the secret character I subtly didn't include lmk

part two out now!!

[milkywayhou]

girl you got me sooo invested in your konig x med student ficcc!!

I don't know if you've been busy and I hope you're doing well but pllsss tell me you're going to feed us more, I'm really loving it 🫶🏻

Awwww!! Thank you!! and yes, I've been so busy in real life. I have a few plots plan for that fanfict, but I kinda lost right now! (Don't worry! I'll finished it when I'm less busy) 💖

Have this some silly art I make heheh. This part happens in my first draft of the fanfic

little ramble: the You've Got Email fic is actually supposed to be short dark-comedic romance. Two shoots fic based on König and Snow message, and they two supposed to first interacted on some sub forum on Reddit (They roast each other).

But I decided to redo the fict because the first draft have too much Dub-Con element and I also want to explore more about the plot to make them have emotional connection.

[weemietime]

There isn't a whole lot of content on Tumblr about schizoid personality disorder so I thought I would make a little informational post. SZPD is a cluster A personality disorder, of the odd/eccentric cluster alongside schizotypal and paranoid. It is on the schizophrenia spectrum, and comprises the negative rather than positive symptoms of schizophrenia.

This primarily means we have avolition, catatonia, flat/blunted affect (demeanor), limited interoception (emotional sensations), lack of bonds to others including primary family members, and indifference to the opinions of others.

Whilst this isn't a diagnostic criteria, many of us are also asexual and aromantic, meaning we don't want to have sex with other humans (but usually do masturbate) and have no interest in romantic companionship.

My most disabling symptom is avolition, because I have comorbid ADHD. This means when I don't have my medication (dextromethorphan 120mg) I just sit there and zone out and can't even hold a conversation or move my body, nor even do things like feed myself. It is genuinely crippling and I am unemployed because of this, even though my meds help, they don't cure me and I need a lot of time alone.

Schizoid is something of an "anti-human" disorder, because we fail to form basic social bonds with others including primary caregivers. As a child I got diagnosed with inhibited RAD because I could not tolerate human contact. This differs from autism because autistic people generally want to socialize, they just lack the skills. I don't want to socialize and it takes tremendous effort for me to do so.

To even make this post I had to wait for my meds to click in as I was just sitting there mindlessly beforehand. While we have low internal sensations of emotions like caring, love, happiness, trust, sadness, etc. we aren't typically antisocial/dissocial and don't have a pattern of exploiting others or dishonesty. This requires too much effort.

There is a schizoid version of narcissism but it is separate to narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is characterized by a very fragile ego. You can't contradict or disagree with NPD because they are unable to regulate the emotions caused by conflict. Conversely, SZPD does not care about the opinions of others at all and places little value on them.

Our sense of superiority is legitimate, meaning we just do genuinely believe we are smarter than other people. So your mileage may vary on how insufferable you find that. I recognize this trait in myself and work to actively challenge it since it is illogical for me to think I am more special than anyone else. But, my ego is very stable, so criticism doesn't bother me the way it would in NPD.

Interoception means the sensations you feel inside your body. We lack this, so even stuff like hunger and tiredness don't impact us until we are very hungry or extremely exhausted. I don't have the feeling you would to look at a family member and get a sense of love or trust. I have a logical sense of obligation that I developed through choosing what I value based on reason. I describe this as care, and I place importance on my friendships, but there is no emotional component to this, it is all cognitive.

Tangentially: I'm somewhat of an optimistic nihilist, believing that there is no grand purpose to existence. Yes, even as a religious person. I don't think G-d ultimately has a purpose either, as an agent of the universe. (I don't believe G-d created the universe.) We have a human nervous system, so we base our rubric for morality on suffering and decide what is meaningful both collectively and individually.

I don't believe in true freedom of will (but I do believe we have agency), because we know that Bereitschaftspotential or reaction potentials occur in the brain up to two seconds before we become conscious of a volitional desire. Our consciousness occurs because of quantum synchronicity in the brain, so our free will is in a bit of an in-between state rather than fully determined or fully free.

So, we are not born deciding "I'm going to be an abuser," that happens because of brain abnormalities. It's no different than the forces of creation and destruction at work like a virus infecting a host cell. I don't place much importance on concepts of self-hood, I view myself as the electrical and chemical processes that occur in my brain, which happen without my choosing, that I can influence and impact through my own agency.

Anyway, these are just some basic schizoid meanderings for you all and I hope that this was informative or interesting in some way. Peace.

[rubydubydoo122]

What characterisation do Thomas and Martha Wayne have (in your opinion. canon is all over the place again)? And how would they interact with the Batkids?

I am a personal fan of Girlboss Martha Wayne, and Kind-soft Thomas Wayne.

The Kanes are a millitary family, so it just makes sense to me that Martha is tougher and all that. And Thomas followed the Hippocratic oath no matter what the circumstance was, so in my brain it makes sense that he was a lot softer.

Though, I don't think Canon Bruce would know Martha's tough side, because she was probably a total boy-mom, and coddled Bruce //pos, but as he grew older, she was definitely the tough love kind of mom. Pretty strict. Made him finish Med school.

idk why, but I feel like they would treat Dick more as their son, because Bruce started parenting him at a young age. Like, if Bruce said yes to Dick, but Martha said no, it was a No. If Dick really wanted something he knew Martha and Bruce would say no to, he would got to Thomas, and yeah.

With Jason, they definitely are more Grandparent-y with him-- at least Thomas is in full on Grandpa mode by the time Jason rolls up, but also, we know Jason's mommy issues. We know he would totally suck-up to Martha. So she would fill in that mother role, but more often than not, she would give Jason what he wanted If Bruce said No to something, Jason would ask Martha, and she'd say yes, and it drives both Bruce and Dick up a wall because Where was this leniancy when they were growing up? (Basically, what I'm saying Bruce is their oldest child, Dick is their middle, and Jason is their youngest-- but Jason is still more Bruce's child, just with more parenting help)

Cass is their little angel. They watch her ballets, and spoil her, and youngest daughter type beat. She's Grandpa's and Daddy's girl. And Martha would love finally having another girl in the family.

Idk if Jason dies in this world or not but either way, I think Martha and Thomas would treat Tim like the kid next door, just to put a bit of emotional distance, or they would treat him more like a grandchild. Though, I do feel like they would play off of Tim's unspoken bounderies.

Steph is the family-friend girlfriend. If yk what I mean. She's the one Martha's rooting for to eventually get with one of her children/grandchildren, and any person Tim, or Cass bring home will most likely never hold the place in Martha's heart reserved for Steph. (this also technically applies to Jason, but Jason never brings anyone home so ya)

Duke would be treated similarly to Tim, they would play off of his bounderies. Be Grandparent-y if he was accepting of that. I mean, Duke's parents are alive, just jokerized, so....

Damian gets the crazy stories from their youth Grandparents. I'm not gonna explain. He's their youngest grandchild. He gets the crazy stories that Blows Dick's mind because "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE CONNECTIONS TO THE MOB, BUBBE???!!!"

Thomas would be against getting any and all of the animals Damian asks for, but then spends more time with Ace and Titus, and Alfred (the cat) and Batcow, and GOLIATH than he does with any of his kids/grandkids. His excuse--"You all moved out! What else am I 'posed to do?"

I also feel like Thomas would play a different sport with each of the kids. Tim taught him how to skateboard, and now he's the coolest grandpa at the skatepark.

[foxufortunes]

So like I was actually having this discussion in the comments of one of my fics at stupid in the morning, but like having thought it through for the day I'm here to messily rant my thoughts on the complicated relationship between the upperclassmen, mainly Dan, and the monsters, mainly Andrew, and Wymack. How Dan is terribly self righteous and hypocritical and lets her emotions get in the way of her captaincy at times. How Andrew doesn't care for the discomfort and fear he causes others and even revels in it, even without provocation. And how Wymack, for better or for worse, is a hands off coach who can't/won't inflict meaningful punishments on his team, even enabling their worst qualities and habits, as part of his ideal of giving people more chances and how that can create a hostile team environment.

Aka, I'm about to throw slander in every direction, because these are flawed, messy characters and trying to make any of them perfectly innocent or always right does a disservice to the well sketched, messy, imperfect, flawed characters Nora created. Blame goes everywhere and no one is innocent. Trauma is a reason, not an excuse.

Buckle up, guys, this is about to get long and messy.

So, let's start with Wymack, who's a bit trickier to explain than Dan and Andrew, but is also the reason they've been brought togethers. Wymack, as we see him on page, is a massively hands off coach, especially when you compare him to Coach Rhemann. Now, it's very possible that this is actually because Nora either wasn't confident/good enough to write him coaching vs where she is now ten years later, or because she didn't want to focus there (although logically for exy junkie Neil's pov that would be weird, but whatever, that's not what we're talking about) but whatever the reason out of universe, it leaves us with Wymack as hands off as possible in universe. (Also, sidebar, some people in this fandom need to learn that out of universe reasons still need to have an in universe reason, "it needed to happen for the plot" is an out of universe reason, but I still need to know why the characters did it beyond "for the plot" or it's bad writing, stop using that for an answer about "why did character X do Y?")

Anyway, Wymack lets the team basically run amuck and sort themselves out, and even enables their worst habits. I think its canon that Abby gets a tip when "random" drug tests are happening, and they certainly don't do anything to enforce the no drugs policies the school and NCAA and probably ERC would have. Wymack brought a bunch of troubled kids together and seems to have no plan beyond letting themselves work it out and Betsy's here if there's trouble. This is why the Matt situation happens. You let a struggling to stay sober drug addict be around other not even trying drug addicts, of course Matt was going to get worse. This is actively bad for him. And in turn then actively bad for Aaron.

His relationship with Andrew is a bit more complicated. Now, I need you to forget everything you know about Andrew through Neil and his backstory for a moment, and just look at Andrew through Wymack's eyes as he first met him. Andrew has been to juvie, and is currently on parole for another violent crime that Wymack may or may not know the actual details about and on medication that Wymack may or may not know what they actually are and do. Andrew asks to come off of them. Wymack says yes. Now, even putting aside the legality of this, Wymack took the unilateral decision that Andrew knows best about his meds and can come off of them. Now, we can talk plenty about how Andrew's medication is portrayed in canon, but plenty of people don't like meds that are actually good for them and try/do stop taking them, often without telling a doctor they're doing so. There's also the fact that, again irrelevant of what we know as the story goes, Andrew regularly drinks, smokes and misses doses, things that can all make medication not work as it should. Wymack is not a doctor, for all he knows he could actively making Andrew worse by allowing this, but does anyway, for a good defence line.

(Also another side note, where does canon get off calling the Foxes a laughing stock? They're five years old. Seth was part of the first batch, right? So they're five years old and made the championships in their fourth year of existing as a team, fuck off are they dead last laughing stocks.)

And this is part of what I don't get about Wymack. He both wants to win above what's good for his team and doesn't at the same time. For example, he's so hands off and enables their bad habits, things that could kill them and actively harm them. He puts Andrew on the bench because he doesn't need a third goalie despite him being better and seemingly rolls with the hierarchy of age over skill, which implies team feel goods over victory but is so invested in staying Class I he semi-regularly lets (and yeah, it's lets not makes but still) Andrew harm himself playing full games on withdrawals (again, as far as he knows potentially stopping his meds working right). And while it could be argued his situation with Andrew is more not wanting to give up on Andrew, that is an the expense of his other players. Anyone who's ever been in a situation where one or two people are hostile/seemingly unpunishable knows how bad that makes everyone else feel.

Because, let's be real, Andrew is unpunishable and they all know it. Cardio is one thing, but he doesn't go through with marathons and nothing else will work. Andrew doesn't care for his own contract, and even if we actually believed Wymack would go through with any threat again Kevin, Nicky or Aaron's contracts (and we all know he wouldn't) Andrew would probably sabotage the game in protest or just outright quit. Andrew gets away with everything and everyone knows it and that can quickly see your team stop respecting/trusting you or feeling safe when you say they are. It's a very dangerous line.

And this is where we finally get to Dan. Because yes, Dan hates Andrew, and is unprofessional in her bias against him. But I think we often forget where this comes from. You often see people talk about Columbia, and Andrew drugging Neil, and should Neil have been angrier, how his trauma impacted him moving on so quickly and whether Andrew's reasons were valid or not because he thought Neil was a threat. And sometimes you see people talk about what he did "to" Matt. Which, yes, wasn't great, and yes, Matt took the drugs himself, but really it wasn't a great move from Andrew. But how often do you see people talk about what he did to Dan?

I mean, let's get some context here. Andrew and Dan barely knew each other. Dan is already getting shit from every angle for daring to be a woman playing and captaining an exy team (and if you hc her as a woman of colour, double this) in a period of time where colleges did (and still do) have a terrible reputation for covering up the horrific assaults committed by their best NCAA athletes. And Andrew, with no provocation, or reason, invites her out, to his home turf, with his family, to a bar he worked out, without anyone to support her and look after her, and drugged her. To find out if she was a women worth following. Not because she was a threat. Because he wanted to find out what type of person she was. He wanted her tragic backstory and he wanted it now (something people criticise Dan for demanding a lot, by the way). Andrew and his group show no remorse and face no real repercussions and then go on to enable Matt getting falling off the wagon and taking potentially lethal mix of drugs, because his mom said it was fine so it's ok and it all worked out, ends justify the means, and is allowed to just carry on with again, no meaningful punishment. Because no harm, no foul, right? (funny how you'll apply that to Andrew but hate when Thea said it, huh?)

Is it any wonder Dan doesn't like or trust Andrew?

And lets be clear, Andrew does nothing to discourage this. Andrew doesn't want to be understood, he doesn't want to share. Andrew is not here angsting because no one understands his attempts to making friends (except maybe, big maybe, Aaron not understanding his attempts at brothering). Andrew is fine if the team doesn't trust him. He encourages it, because trust means friends means feelings means weakness and that's ew. It's not hard to see how, from Dan's pov, Wymack can't/won't punish Andrew and is more interested in winning so won't kick him off the team.

At the same time, Dan is just as complicit in Andrew's breaking the law and hurting himself by missing meds as Wymack. Again, for all she knows, his meds help him, and skipping could actively harm the help they're giving him. Again, she's putting winning, because they have this amazing goalkeeper, above both Andrew and the team's health, and then complains when he lashes out. Some meds need a consistent balance to work, and maybe if he wasn't skipping every Friday to help you win he'd be more stable (we know this isn't the case, but they don't). There's barely any resistance put up to the idea that Andrew plays entire games, because she also wants to win more than she cares about Andrew's health, while at the same time not caring about winning more than her pride, like the rest of the team who are more interested in fighting than winning.

Now, of course, Andrew doesn't care. I think Nicky has it right early on when he says Andrew doesn't care about your boundaries, just his. Andrew is here mostly because he wants to keep Nicky and Aaron close and sees providing value for them (protection, scholarships, controlling protection ect) as the only way to really do it. Andrew sees life as exchanges. But, for all we act like Andrew lives on fair exchanges, he doesn't. As I said, he drugged Dan because he wanted to know about her, what did he give her in return? Nothing. He violated her autonomy and gave her nothing in return. Not even his own backstory. Arguably not even respect. (please, take a minute to imagine how pissed you would be if someone in fanfic wrote Andrew being drugged just to get him to spill his trauma without him even being a threat to anything, or look at how people react to Neil's Columbia scene).

The upperclassmen constantly ignore and violate Andrew's boundaries in very clear ways, and any normal team would have backed off ages ago (or called the cops the first time he pulled a knife) but because they're Foxes they keep pushing. (Also, for all fandom likes to make him a knife nut, look at how often he actually pulls a knife vs punches, it's either rape jokes, or him/someone under his protection being cornered, day to day he goes without). Now, of course, Andrew is a lot of the problem of keeping the team in two halves (again, something any decent coach shouldn't allow to get that extreme) as we see with how well the team works when Andrew is at Easthaven, but we don't know how much effort the upperclassmen actually make (excluding Renee of course).

The upperclassmen are often the first to lash out, and Andrew is often only retaliating, and then the monsters will be blamed. And yes, this is complete hypocrisy. But from the more general day to day treatment, not in the moment when a punch is thrown but attitudes in general, Andrew has proven himself a threat over and over, without provocation. If you can excuse Andrew drugging Neil because he's a potential threat, then why is Dan being hostile to Andrew because he's proven himself a threat different? Is it professional? Probably not, but what else can Dan do? She can't punish Andrew and Wymack seemingly can't/won't either. In Dan's mind, she is being hypervigilant and watching Andrew and taking his actions for the worst possible scenario, because Andrew has given her reason to. A simple drink to get to know each other turned into drugging her and Matt being in awful condition. Why should she give him the benefit of the doubt? Andrew wouldn't return the favour.

In many ways, Andrew and Dan are mirrors of each other. The leaders of their respective groups, both constantly trying to watch out for threats, but while Dan sees the threat she's already experienced with Andrew, Andrew considers her nothing. He's already got all her secrets and cast her aside, not caring for the damage he's done, because she and her friends are nothing to, and he doesn't feel a hint of remorse. He did what he had to, the ends justify the means, and Wymack's gone through too much to get him to risk losing him. He's on a team that doesn't care about his boundaries any more than he cares about theirs and is more than happy to play the monster if it gets the job done.

This came off a little harsh on Andrew, despite that I love him and Dan actually grates on me, but honestly the start of the series he is kind of awful and Dan I can see where she's coming from. Like, I think sometimes we also forget even Neil hates Andrew at the start of the series. Everything he did with Neil, he did with the others, it's just that Neil had the persistence, and the trauma related need to compartmentalise and move on quickly rather than hold a grudge, and a usefulness to Andrew (and yeah, let's not forget the breakthrough is Kathy's show and Andrew realising Neil is useful to him) to let him get in with Andrew so he can start to see the real him, while Andrew keeps the upperclassmen at arm's length.

And wow, congrats and thanks to anyone who read all the way through this monster ramble.

[mageofseven]

Okay first off, I wanna say sorry for how long it took me to get to this! I had intended to get to this quickly, but I got too focused and inspired with my ship series' I've been writing.

Better late than never though, right? 😅

Reminder for others that this continues off of this post. Since that post is from a point before I started writing for Mephisto, sadly my sweet noble tsundere won't be in here.

Now let's get started~

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

Okay so I would like to start by organizing these men into their roles. Those who hovered, those who didn't but still were actively by her side and taking cave of her, those who took care of the pregnancy related issues not directly attached to MC's being (scheduling doctors appointments, paying bills, retrieving any med or vitamins she needs, etc.), those who heavily carried her via emotional support, those who accidentally would make her feel worse, and those who had a way of making her destress as if nothing has changed, maybe some others if I think of more as I go.

After this, I will continue with the story of her pregnancy and how the men discover and react tor her carrying multiples. Unlike most of my pregnant MC stories though, I'm not going to give her some huge risk in this one. She...well, the poor woman is already under enough stress as it is 😅

~

The Major Hoverers:

Lucifer- No surprise here. This man is...well, he is stressed and anxious in general, but to see his love so anxious and in low spirits while knowing he himself might be a dad once more in the coming months...it's just a lot for this poor man. Does his very best to make sure nothing goes wrong and that MC is as comfort and healthy as possible.

Mammon- This dude is fucking terrified of screwing this up. He doesn't know if this is his kid or not and at this point, he can't let himself even think about it or he'll just get even more nervous. Right now, his Human is the priority and he's gotta take care of her--and try not to fuck up in the process.

Active Caretakers, but They Chill:

Simeon: Even once it finally occurs to this man that this child could be genetically his, he doesn't freak out; he simply doubles down. His Feather doesn't need him bringing her more anxiety after all.

Asmo: This sweet man is constantly giving her massages and whispering sweet words in her ears. Yes, his poor Dolly is very achy and emotional from the pregnancy, but he does his very best to make it easier on her!

Beel: Regardless of what he's eating or how much he has left, he will always offer some of his food to her. He can also often be found with his hand on her belly in some fashion, especially when she is the most upset. MC loves the feeling of having at least one of his big hands on her belly because it makes her feel so comforted and safe.

Satan: Unsurprisingly, this man was constantly reading pregnancy books to try and understand what her body was going through and what he could to make things easier on her. He would also read aloud to her any book she wished as a way of distracting her from the stress of it all.

Belphie: This man...he has glue himself to this woman out of a strong mixture of love and obligation. Yes, he hates every single thing about this situation, but this man has a moral debt to the love of his life because of the night he murdered her so you can bet your ass he's staying by her side, forgoing naps (that she doesn't join him for), and is doing anything she needs him to do.

Barbatos: This man barely makes it onto this list because he has an actual time intensive job to attend to, but he is so determined to be by his Dear's side that he makes it work. Barb has such a calming influence on MC and it seems that just by him showing up, whatever was upsetting her or whatever problem arose was suddenly not so bad because she knew Barb could fix things.

Handlers of the More 'Covert' Pregnancy Issues:

Diavolo: He paid for everything; literally everything. This man felt so guilty that he couldn't be with MC as much as he wanted to be. He visited as much as possible, but in truth, he wished desperately that he could be up on the list of Active Caretakers. Being a prince and the work load that comes with it acts as a barrier to this though so the best he can do for his sweet Queen is to shoulder the financial side of this pregnancy. Doctors appointments. Medications. Any tests she needs done. He makes sure they are all paid for and she doesn't need to worry about a thing in this regard. Also buys the bulk of the baby things. The clothes, the furniture, the toys. He went a bit over board, but the look on MC's face made it all worth it. She cried thick happy tears because her baby already has more than she ever had as a child and so it made her feel more secure about her child's future.

Barbatos: This man handles the scheduling of her doctor appointments and is usually the one the one to bring her to them. Some how makes sure she is never late no matter how the day originally goes or what bad luck my strike that day.

Lucifer: Is next in line to bring MC to her doctor appointments if Barb isn't available to. Tends to ask the doctor a million and one questions and wants copies of the doctor's notes on MC and the baby to go through during his limited free time. Also insists on being the one to pick up her meds and be the one to give them to her each day. Those vitamins are important, MC, and he needs to make sure you take them.

Emotional Support Supermen:

Simeon: Are you even surprised? This has been his role since the very moment he sensed the baby and he's not giving it up as long as his poor lamb needs him.

Asmo: The king of making others feel loved and important. MC is in good hands.

Solomon: Would love to be listed as an Active Caretaker of his sweet little Minx, but the others, most of the brothers to more specific, seem to resent it if he even tries to help out too much and so he tends to stick to the sidelines. Still, he always has a kind word ready and a new perspective to offer when needed. Soli is definitely a person to call when MC gets too overwhelmed and becomes too focused on a bad possibility.

Those Who Stress Her Out:

Leviathan: This man spend most of her pregnancy hiding from her; he takes it all really hard. In truth, he makes it up to her later after the birth, but for now, he hides away in his room like he does when anything scares him and MC is terrified for months that she has lost him over this ��

Belphie: Believe or not, most of the time he's fine. Despite his opinion of the situation or the fact that he doesn't like kids, he doesn't let any of that control him. It's MC who knows how he feels about all of this who sometimes gets overwhelmed with her fears and worries, usually resulting in her heavily sobbing about how he's going to leave her (because why not, it feels like Levi already has), but it always ends with Belphie holding her tight and swearing to her "I'm not going anywhere, Butthead."

Lucifer: He mostly does fine, but she hates when he comes to her appointments with her because it feels almost like he harasses the poor doctor. Yes, she knows he does it out of worry, but that poor doctor doesn't deserve such criticism.

Her 'Everything Is Normal' Peeps:

Solomon: Honestly, most of the other men make a big deal about her baby and the upcoming changes and in truth, they are a very big deal. However, sometimes it feels like they don't treat her like they used to. Instead of treating her like the person they've always known and love, they treat her like porcelain with a belly. Solomon doesn't. He treats her no differently during the pregnancy than he did before it to the point that some of the other man scold him for it, believing he is too reckless with the pregnant woman. MC appreciates it though and feels like he sees the woman behind the big belly.

Barbatos: Unlike Solomon, he gives MC a similiar feeling without being reckless. He will often take MC out of House of Lamentation to give her a break from the other men, but usually not far; often just to the back garden. The two would sit and talk about just about anything, except the child she carried that caused her back aches and the men inside to go insane about her. Giving her time to focus on other parts of life helped her feel more like a person again and less strangled by upcoming motherly responsibilities and for that, MC deeply appreciated her butler boyfriend.

The Sweetie that Comes with Sweets:

Of course I'm talking about sweet baby Lukey! He's going to be a big brother after all so how could he stay back and not help?

And in truth, he is a major help to MC emotionally. His presence alone makes her whole day better.

It's cute seeing his face as he learns different things about MC's changing body (nothing graphic, just things like how the baby starts out smaller than a pea and somehow grows to baby size and stretches her belly along the way. It blows his freaking mind lol)

The moment he first felt the baby kick inside MC's belly, part of him swore up and down it had to be a prank because how can a baby who hasn't even been born do that???

MC has a lot of sugar cravings during her pregnancy so this kind little baker makes her a lot of sweets.

Simeon ends up having to gently ask the two to cut back on the baked goods--gestational diabetes is a thing after all 😅

That's ok because Lukey is the sweetest part about her day after all 💕

Now with that that all sorted, let's move onto MC's experience during the pregnancy!

The Story:

It was a very stressful pregnancy for her

Starting the very moment Levi hid away from her after hearing the news about her baby.

Right away, she lost one man that she loved and it killed her.

It was a very hard start to the pregnancy.

Luckily, the other men broke through the shock and stayed by her side, determined to take care of her and her child regardless of whether the baby's genetics matched theirs or not.

During the first trimester, the morning sickness was brutal, but the men comforted her through it.

It was mainly Lucifer, Mammon, or Asmo with her in the bathroom though, holding her hair back and comforting her as she cried and begged for it to just end.

She often had a headache during and after the morning sickness so the poor woman was just miserable.

She was also constantly in a pretty lethargic state, but this wasn't something that stayed in the first trimester, but lasted the entire pregnancy.

It seemed like no matter how many hours of sleep she got at night or how many naps she took with Belphie during the day that she was always still so tired and it was very upsetting to the poor woman.

This paired with her hormones made the woman extra sensitive during her pregnancy; the smallest issues would have this poor woman balling about how everything is going wrong in her her life.

Yes, they are sorry you dropped your lemonade and Beely totally feels empathy for you, but your world is not ending and these lovely men will get you another glass, okay?

To make matters worse, it didn't take long at all in her pregnancy for her boyfriends to notice that her belly was growing at a somewhat alarming rate.

Luckily, Diavolo and Barbatos already got her scheduled for her first appointment at the obgyn.

That was the appointment where MC learnt the truth--that she was having triplets.

The poor human sobbed. Triplets.

One baby was a lot of work and stressful enough but three? How were the other men going to react to three babies?

Barb gently shushed her and rubbed her back.

Yes, even he found this news surprising, but believed it ultimately changed nothing; he was going to stand by his sweet pet's side and if the remaining men have anything resembling a spine then they will do the same.

Poor MC was literally shaking when she came home and had to tell the others about the babies.

Lucifer and Mammon were scared shitless, but more devoted to this woman than ever.

Satan and Belphie were internally groaning, but keeping themselves in check.

Asmo and Simeon became anxious, but wasted no time in comforting her and trying to raise her positivity.

Diavolo and Beel were genuinely excited at this news and couldn't keep their hands or lips off of her for a good minute or two, which was good because it brought MC from near tears to a little laughing fit. Those men oozed positivity and to them, her carrying more babies was the best news ever.

Barb and Solomon just smiled comfortingly at their love. Neither was scared or anxious nor were they overly excited. They were merely assured that regardless of how many babies she carried, everything would work out well. It was just like Solomon said the day MC announced her pregnancy: it takes a village to raise a baby and she has quite an impressive village before her.

One thing MC didn't realize when she made this announcement though was that the question of the pregnancy changed, or rather, the form of the question changed from single to multiple choice.

To be more clear, the question changed from "Who is the baby daddy?" To "Who are the baby daddies?"

Every man in the room knew this, but MC did not.

In the Devildom, it is more common for multiples to be the results of from different second parents than all from the same. Like, you can have twin and triplets with the same father, but it is much more rare compared to each baby having a different father

With this news in mind, all of the men worked harder to take care of the sweet, worried human.

Her pregnancy progressed, her belly stretched, her body was in a lot of pain from the growth and extra weight.

Heck, for the last two months, poor MC was mainly on bedrest and carried around when she wanted to changed rooms (she's been carried by all of the guys at least once, but Beel was always the most eager to carry her.

When the day of the birth came, the exhausted and achy woman was both eager for it and dreading it.

She wanted them out and out now, but dear devil, she knew pushing out three babies was gonna take a lot out of her.

The contractions started mid morning, causing Lucifer call Diavolo and the others against her wishes.

The contractions were minor now. She was no where near labor for now so it simply didn't seem right to frighten the non-HoL men into coming over when it will be literal hours just for her to start active labor.

Still, they rushed and the poor woman had even more men hovering her.

She's fine, the babies are fine, now let her watch TV in peace 🤦‍♀️

As a testiment to how fine she was in that moment, she even fell asleep against Diavolo's shoulder as they watched TV together.

However, it obviously didn't stay that way.

As the hours went by and the woman entered active labor, suddenly her tune was much different.

The pain was much harder, the contractions were much more consistent, and poor MC always needed to be gripping onto someone like her life depended on it.

Satan had read in a book that walking can help progress labor so each man took turns walking around the living room with the poor pained woman, stopping whenever she needed to.

Eventually, the pressure below became so severe, but her water still wasn't breaking. It had the labouring woman hysterically crying, refusing to make another step.

The men kept looking at each other, needing someone, anyone in the room to have an idea on how to help MC.

Satan bit his lip before stepping forward.

"I think I know what to do." He stated. "However, I need someone to get a stack of towels and we need to get MC to a bed."

Beel ran off to get the towels while Solomon, who currently had an arm wrapped around MC, scooped her in his arms since she refused to walk.

The group all headed to MC's room.

Soli laid her down gently, but MC gripped onto him tighter, refusing to let go.

The sorcerer whispered sweetly into her ear and kissed her cheek before the woman sniffled and slowly loosened her grip till he could step back from her and be replaced by Satan.

Beel came back just then and the blonde instructed him to lay a few of the towels on the floor by bed.

After that, Satan helped position MC at the edge of the bed and knelt in front of her.

"Okay, Kitten, I'm going to have to break your water--"

"Please!" She begged with every ounce of air in her lungs. "Please!"

With a guilty look in his eyes, the blonde did just that.

MC cried out as she felt her boyfriend slip his hand inside, only for her breath to hitch when she felt the water sack burst and the pressure dissipate.

The woman flung her head back in relief.

"Thank you..." She sobbed.

Despite her relief, poor Satan new from his books that he only helped her towards the most painful part.

MC had a minute or two of feeling okay and was able to catch up on her breathing before the contractions came back worse than before.

Immediately, Diavolo joined her on her left side, grabbing her hand and praising her, telling after months of waiting that it's finally happening.

Lucifer couldn't take it anymore. He joined her on her right and squeezed her hand, promising it will all be fine and they won't let anything happen to her.

Barbatos slips off his gloves and sets them aside before positioning himself between her legs, telling her to push with the contractions and focus breathing between them.

This went on for a while.

Breathe. Push. Breathe. Push. Breathe. Puuuuuush. Breathe.

Eventually, the human was crowning.

More pushing. The head was out revealing bright red hair, but small black spiral horns pointing straight up.

Barbatos raised an eyebrow at this, but the other men were too focused on the pain MC was in to notice what the butler saw as so strange.

After some more pushing, the first baby was pushed out into the butler's waiting arms.

"Solomon."

The sorcerer raised an eyebrow, but stepped forward and took the baby from the other man.

That's when he say it: the baby girl had Diavolo's red hair, Mammon's horns, and Lucifer's dark onyx eyes that reflected red light so well.

This is why they the butler entrusted the baby to him. The other men would only get confused and try asking questions at a point where MC was in no shape to hear them being asked.

Solomon turned away from the other men and grabbed a towel to clean off the newly born infant.

The other men were going to ask him about the newborn, but we're pulled back to their girlfriend by her cries of pain as the second one made its way down.

Honestly, the sorcerer was incredibly fascinated with this turn of events.

He finished cleaning the sweet girl off before kissing her forehead and gently laying her down in one of the cribs in the back of the room.

Meanwhile, the process was repeating though a bit quicker than before. This time, when the second baby crowned and revealed some of the hair on their head, the butler saw two colors.

Half the head filled with white and half the head filled with teal

...the same shade of teal as the ends of his hair.

Barbatos felt his heart beat quicken at this discovery, but he kept focused.

Once this second baby was able to slide out all the way, it was revealed that they also had a tail; a long black tail with a bright green tip.

Something Satan discovered right away.

The wrath demon intercepted the baby before Solomon could.

Instead of arguing this development, the butler simply accepted it.

"Please go clean her off and follow Solomon to the cribs." He said softly.

The blonde walked off with the baby, a confused look on his face.

He grabbed a towel and followed Solomon over to the the cribs.

It made no sense to him. This little girl had his tail yet share features of some of the other men. A mixture of Solomon and Barbatos' hair, Asmo's honey eyes.

What was going on?

Something clicked in his head however when he got a better look at the first baby in the crib, also a mix of three different men.

"A chiropteran conception?" He whispered to the sorcerer.

Soli smirked.

"Ah so you understand too, don't you?"

Satan stared down at his...daughter. well, not just his. Other than MC, he at minimum shared this little girl with the shady sorcerer in front of him, the butler between his girlfriend's legs, and the anxious lust demon in the crowd.

At most? Maybe every man here. They'll have to get these babies tested to see how far their genetic go, to see if it's a full of partial chiropteran conception. Either way, this will be an...interesting experience to say the least.

The blonde cleaned up his daughter and laid her in another crib as MC birthed the last baby, coming much, much quicker than the last two.

By the time the two men rejoined the group, the last baby was already born and in the butler's arms.

With it being the being the last baby and MC's pain being over, this was the first that the others truly focused on--and realized something was off with.

This baby was a little boy. What most of the people in the room found strange about about the child however was mixtures of features.

The dark blue-black hair with orange highlights, purple eyes, angel wings, a slightly dark skin tone and...well, he definitely took after Levi by having double the 'part' between his legs.

"I...what?" MC panted, staring down at her son, who gently cried down within the butler's arms.

Solomon handed Barb a towel, who gratefully took it and began cleaning up and the little boy in his arms.

"Beautiful, isn't he?" Solomon smiled at her. "I think all three of them are a beautiful mixture of us all."

MC laid their speechless as the sorcerer headed back towards the cribs, followed by Satan.

The sorcerer brought back the oldest daughter while the blonde brought back up the youngest daughter.

Dia raised his eyebrows.

"A chiropteran conception... fascinating."

While some of the men knew the term, most did not and MC most certainly didn't so the prince took the time to explain it to the group.

It was unclear at this point whether this was a the result of a full chiropteran conception (meaning all three babies carry the genetics of every single man in the room) or a partial chiropteran conception (each baby contains the genetics of the men whose genes they get their looks from). The latter is the most common when this many men are involved, but they will have to get the babies tested just in case.

At this explanation, MC was looking around at her boyfriends, looking for reassurance that everyone was okay with this

And sure enough, each man latched on like usual with sweet words and kisses, praises and reassurances.

In truth, this was a strange twist but no man present truly had an issue with it.

It will take some time to figure out what sort of dynamic the men should of adopt.

Also, Diavolo unfortunately has a lot of royal legal history to dig through to see what the laws say about chiropteran conceptions and heirs.

If this is a full conception than it doesn't really matter too much, but if it's a partial chiropteran conception then he worries his (and MC's and Lucifer's and Mammon's) daughter will be made to feel less than because of how she is biological will be bullied by the nobility. He would like her to be his heir less for the sake of having one but more to give her a social shield against the demonic elite.

The kids (in birth order):

Tatiana- a graceful and elegant but secretly sensitive and vengeful. Touch her siblings and you just might find a knife in your back. Sneaky, but even if she gets caught, she'll get away with it because she's spoiled and family comes first; her Daddies agree 100% 🥰

Selia- a very shy and emotional girl. Magical prodigy with Barbatos' future visions and Asmo's charming powers, two abilities she doesn't particularly even want. She's quiet and delicate, often found hiding behind her family or with her head down.

Milo- hyper, friendly, and troublesome (though never on purpose). This guy works off one superpowered braincell but once it's out of juice, so is he and he sleeps it off on the couch or in his room. He always have a kind word for everyone, but can be a bit naïve. Thinks fictions is perfect substitute for real life lessons and can be kinda slow to learn the true ones.

[thickenmyblood]

I love HIUH and think about it often. Today I was thinking about Laurent and his experience with his own court-mandated therapy along with some of your recent tumblr comments.

Did he want to start therapy back when he did? I assume that if it was court-mandated it was a condition of him getting custody of Nicaise. Did he want to go on medication or did he resist? What would cause Paschal to recommend it? Damen mentioned early on in the story some fighting between Laurent and Nicaise when he first started living with them, so maybe that was it and it was worse than Damen and his rose-tinted glasses remembers.

I always assumed Laurent would be very pro-therapy (for Nicaise's well being and when he learned that Damen went too) but does he think the same thing for himself -- especially since you noted that this Laurent is very self-hating and was basically ok with being a target of Damen's unintended toxic masculinity. He also seemed to take the brunt of Agnes' well-meaning advise to him about him separating his life from Nicaise's and that ended up with Damen mad at him for not noticing what was happening.

It's all so interesting and I'd love to hear more if you can/want to share. Thank you!

hi!!!!!!!! i love these questions.

Did he want to start therapy back when he did? I assume that if it was court-mandated it was a condition of him getting custody of Nicaise.

no, he didn't want to do it, but at the same time I think of laurent as a very rational person, and so it would be hard for him to objectively say "I'm fine and don't need any kind of help" when he lost his entire family and was emotionally and sexually abused for years. it's my headcanon that he went into it thinking "I'll attend the required 20-something sessions and then I'm done", but he ended up liking paschal and also realizing he really needed the outlet (let's face it, he was NOT going to be talking to damen about any of that)

Did he want to go on medication or did he resist? What would cause Paschal to recommend it? Damen mentioned early on in the story some fighting between Laurent and Nicaise when he first started living with them, so maybe that was it and it was worse than Damen and his rose-tinted glasses remembers.

there are a few mentions in the story about how negatively laurent thinks and feels about his mother. it's implied she also struggled with mental health issues and ended up needing some kind of treatment (meds, inpatient, etc.), which laurent doesn't seem very supportive of. it's my personal opinion that laurent doesn't want to end up like her, doesn't want to relate to her in that way, and he's already at a disadvantage because he was institutionalized as a teen. so . . . yes, I think he REALLY resisted going on meds.

as to why paschal recommended it . . . we don't see this in canon because the story ends in KR and that's it for them, basically, but I imagine that once things have settled, laurent abandons his hypervigilant state and in the new calm that follows is forced to deal with all the emotional things he did not have the time, space, comfort to do deal with before. which means actually FEELING your feelings. which means . . . going a bit insane. i did a lot of trimming when it comes to the flashbacks, but there was one I sort of regret taking out because it showed laurent right before going on meds. he's in and out all the time, in public and when he's alone, and damen doesn't really notice how bad it is until they're having a conversation that borders on suicidal ideation.

“Disappear,” Damen said. “Like a vacation?” Laurent stopped scrubbing his hands. “No.” “The school year doesn’t end for another three months.” “The school year?” Damen frowned then, because— “Unless you don’t want to take Nicaise?” “Nicaise,” Laurent said, like he was hearing the name for the first time. He went back to scrubbing.

it's also mentioned in the fic that laurent has trouble sleeping. so, it's a nice combo of years of pent-up shame and self-hatred, anxiety and stress over the new responsibility of raising a kid, guilt over what happened to said kid, a baseline of depression, issues with your partner because you don't know how to be vulnerable and he's a bit too oblivious sometimes . . . yeah. laurent and nicaise's arguments def pushed laurent over the edge, too, because back then nicaise was still pretty much team uncle, which in turn brought up a lot of trauma for laurent since they're mirror characters in the fic.

i loved this ask!!! thank you for reading the story and reaching out!! i hope this reply was worth your time.

[q18au8lt2op3idl]

A short fic

"Angel Dust &"

Episode 4 was great. I wrote this story with respect and with passion…! (Forgive my poor English translation.)

—

"Cut—--!"

—Oh, it should have been the call I've been waiting for, but I'm not happy at all.

Angel Dust thought vaguely.

The males above him got up and moved away. The too bright lights dimmed a little, and Valentino approached Angel, saying good job to the actors. Likewise, don't expect him to say, "Good job.”

"'Hmph, I'd say today's shoot was just about up to par, bitch rad actor. I hope you haven't forgotten that you still have some work to do."

"...... of course, Val."

The voice was scratchy and the speech was a little slurred. He's still on meds, but he thought 'I'll be more comfortable with that.'

"Then open up those loose crotches quickly."

Red eyes peeked out from behind those badass heart sunglasses. There is no way there is a bright red burning affection there, I know, but I can't look away, so Angel opens her legs as she is told, and out of the corner of her eye she sees his fluffy collar coat being tossed away.

The end of hours of work would be capped off in the arms of his master.

—I realize there is no love, no salvation, and yet I cannot escape its poison. I know that there is only my death by your poison.

"...... you're mine, you haven't forgotten, have you, scumbag?"

"...... yes, Valentino ......"

＊＊

The days clinging to Angel are still the same. The only difference is that the bar, which used to be a convenient bed accessory where he only went for a strong drink, has become a much more comfortable place than before.

"...... I don't know whether I want to be bored and discarded earlier or not,...... whether I hate it or love it, which is it really... ..."

　It is late at night in the Hasbin Hotel with the lights dimmed. Only the bar counter still glimmered with a warm light that enveloped Angel. Angel muttered as he plopped down on the counter.

"......hey, aren't you getting drunk too fast?　You're worn out again today, good job."

The owner of the low, eardrum-shaking voice quickly replaced the glass in front of Angel with a pointed nail. A moment ago, it would have contained Angel's favorite pink vodka. Now it must have been replaced with pink peach juice.

Angel opened one eye and saw Husk's fake-looking wings. Husk turned away and wiped his glass as if nothing had happened.

"Every day really sucks."

Then he pressed his cheek against the counter and mumbled.

"But when I see you, I'll probably think you're a little better."

"........... you drunken bastard."

Husk mutters after a pause.

—I'm not drunk, it's just an act you don't like, I'm fooling you.

Angel whispered to himself, covering his face with his arms to hide the smile on his lips.

He hasn't forgotten that night of drinking.

"We're BOTH losers."

"That's fine by me."

"A loser, but just maybe if we

Eat shit together, things will end up differently."

　

He wasn't even on drugs, but it was a time when he could genuinely say that he was a little high and having fun, not with false emotions.

After a few moments of reverie, Angel lifted his head with a start.

"Do you like me, by any chance?　Hey, I'm drunk......Hey, here's your chance, you can do whatever you want ......."

The reply was a cluck of the tongue.

Angel bowed his head again and got down on the counter.

ーI knew it, let's call this drunken nonsense.

"...... Yeah, you're still a drunk. You wake up and you don't remember anything. ...... You're still drunk enough to say that here. You're still not good enough."

Husk's loud sigh reaches Angel's ears.

"...... but well, you're doing your best. I don't hate that about you."

Husk stroked Angel's hair, enjoying the feel of it, and Angel almost jumped out of his skin, forgetting to pretend to be asleep.

－What is this mushy warmth in my chest, not because I hate that, but because I want to fuck, which is also different.

The party, Husk, gently draped a blanket over Angel's shoulders and began putting the glass away as if nothing had happened.

As he contemplated what to do next, Angel became really sleepy.

He thinks idly that it is not so bad, even though he will probably only be able to sleep for a little while anyway.

－Will there be a happy ending to the dream I am about to see? Surely there will be a happy ending? I don't think it's a waste of time to hope for that now.

Hey, Husk, I wonder if you will come to me in a dream with a happy ending.

That would be nice.

[transingthoseformers]

Pharma looks Vortex dead in the optics and tells him "You're not Tarn." Vortex considers this for a moment and goes "Huh,that is a point." I mean there's not much he can say to that.

I'm just wondering which parts of the situation with Tarn are sending Megatron's Oil Pressure up worst. IDW Megatron is ok with some horrifically heinous stuff but there are other things he remains adamantly against in all cases. And this mess has Megatron triggered. I imagine the DJD's dressing down is starting with "You've read every word I wrote Tarn. You've even memorized most of them. How could you fail comprehend the meaning of...?" Tarn is not safe. Especially not with sending Megatron into a flashback to the worst parts of Golden Age.

Soundwave when he sees the Pet is going to scheming because he has Ravage and that is a beast former. Add Domestication to the Reasons Tarn is on the boss's shit list. Kaon is now on Soundwave's personal shit list because he's a threat to the cassettes. The Pet is confiscated and taken to the Brig. Vortex is less than reasured by Soundwave's asurances it is a Domesticated Autobot not a sparkeater.

Also Megatron's displeasure at Tarn stress him into an early emergence. I can see Hook delivering a tiny pink and orange blue eyed jet that's too young to be away from a creator spark and being kicked out of his med bay, gestalt, newspark and all. Hook passes the Bitlet to Starscream and nopes. Starscream looks at his Trine and gives the NewSpark to TC. TC takes the baby to Pharma because he won't be allowed to keep the baby if it forms a caregiver bond. So he's bringing the poor baby and rations to Pharma so Pharma can fuel the little one from his lines. Vortex is almost as alarmed at the presence of the bitty as he is by the "Soundwave swears it's not a Sparkeater."

Pharma, Dominus, and the baby are being randsomed to the Autobots in a prisoner exchange for as much as Soundwave can squeeze the Autobots for. Just drain Prime's Resources not theirs.

Yeah Vortex doesn't have shit on Tarn levels of suckatude

You're right that idw Megs is finicky with what he can excuse, but weaponizing carrying as a method to force someone to stay with you does seem like a Pre-war Thing™️ and thus something Megatron would object to. The chains part definitely did not help. There's probably also emphasis being put on Tarn reproducing with an autobot during a war, but that's more considered a footnote in this situation.

OO YES ON IT STARTING WITH THAT

Yeahhhh Dominus's Domestication certainly also isn't helping Tarn's case. Soundwave's having emotions about this.

Vortex: gET AWAY WHAT

Soundwave: don't worry he's a person

I can see that happening too, and it's such a scene because this is Tarn. He's always going to make a scene.

Kinda sweet how they make sure to bring the newspark to Pharma, even if he has deep opinions on this situation.

Vortex: so we're just doing this now???? Okay

Makes sense they're being held for ransom, and in my mind the autobots will get them back plus the new addition. Will they have to give something up themselves, yes, but they'll get them.

[kabillieu]

After the break stuff about my big kid

Another reason I feel good despite my tweaked back is that I do not have to help my big kid do homework today because he did it yesterday. Homework has been a big struggle for the entirety of my kid's school career. He can often spend two to three (sometimes even longer?) the amount of time it actually takes to do homework with melting down over the transition from a preferred activity. As he has gotten more dysregulated from unhappiness at school these past few weeks, homework struggles have gotten even worse, which seems impossible because it was already bad.

But, I will say--very, very cautiously--that I believe the stimulates he started taking two weeks ago have been helping. Helping with homework, helping with the school day, helping with focus and concentration, helping with communication, helping with emotional regulation. Helping. I'm still waiting for the bottom to fall out, but for now things seem to be slightly better. Maybe even a lot better depending on how you think about it. Does he still hate everything about school? Yes. Is he still lonely and miserable? Yes. But he seems to have a slightly more even keel than before. Even when he does still freak out over things, he seems to bounce back more quickly and be able to reframe and recover. Yesterday he did math homework by himself like it was nothing. That's a minor miracle.

We refrained from trying medication again for a long time because when we tried it when he was six, it was an upsetting experience, but I also know that many people with ADHD need medication. I don't want to withhold medication from him if he really does need it, if it makes him feel better.

The last week has been a lot more peaceful because he seems to have more wherewithal to deal with normal, everyday life. I appreciate that so much. There are still major things we need to help him address, and we will continue to tweak his meds with his doctor. But maybe it's not wishful thinking. And maybe it's not a trick. Maybe they're helping. I hope so.

(Getting him out of bed on school mornings is still a harrowing experience, but one thing at a time.)

[l-in-the-light]

Hey 😊, thinking about Laws mental health (poor boy 🥺) . We know he's traumatized, with anxiety, depression and nightmares. I often ask myself what a psychological therapist would recommend/ how threat him. 🤔 3 times Luffy a day maybe 😅

Hi! Thanks for the ask! Okay, since it's a serious ask, my answer will also be serious: what I would reccommend him is a freaking good therapy. There's no way someone who isn't a specialist can help him recover. Like yes, staying with people who care for him, like friends and family, is helpful and needed for longterm recovery (to create good environment in which a traumatized person is loved and accepted), but it won't help reduce the symptoms on it's own.

I'm not a psychologist, but I do like reading about psychology. What I think Law is suffering from is PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. It occurs in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event or series of events (like a natural disaster, assault, bullying, homicide, mass murder, war etc.) that affect their mental, emotional, physical, social and spiritual well-being. People with PTSD may avoid situations or people that remind them of the traumatic event, and they may have strong negative reactions to something as ordinary as a loud noise or an accidental touch. Does it sound familiar, with Law experiencing mass genocide in Flevance and then witnessing Cora-san's murder (reinforcing unhealed trauma), and as the result avoiding contact with people? Because it totally should sound like him.

People with PTSD have intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to their experience that last long after the traumatic event has ended. Symptoms of PTSD include things like:

intrusive thoughts (repeated involuntarily memories, vivid flashbacks: like the traumatic event happened mere moments ago instead of in the distant past);

avoidance of triggering situations (places, people, acitvities, objects or situations) because it can trigger distressing memories;

altering mood and cognition which leads to negative thoughts and feelings about oneself or others (low self-esteem, self blaming for the event occuring even if there's nothing the person could have done realistically, ongoing feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt, less interest in things one previously enjoyed, feeling detached from others, unable to experience positive emotions like happiness or satisfaction);

altering reactivity like being prone to angry outsbursts, being irritable, behaving recklessly or in self-destructive way, hypervigilance, having problems concentrating or sleeping. There can be also physical symptoms like tremors, headaches etc.

As a result people experiencing PTSD often resist talking about what happened or how they feel about it, and withdrawing from people, so they don't have to relive those symptoms over and over again. Which is kinda a vicious circle because by avoiding it they don't really help themselves heal and instead completely isolate themselves, both from others, and their own emotions.

Symptoms can last months or years or decades, if unhealed. PTSD can occur with other related conditions, such as depression, substance use, memory problems and other physical and mental health problems (for example impulsive behaviour or anxiety). Why is PTSD even a thing? Psychology tells us it's because brain tries to cope with what happened. Human brains are very problem-solving oriented so they will relive the traumatic event over and over again to try to find a solution to it, to make sure such situation won't happen again. And it usually won't stop till it finds a satisfying answer. But traumatic events aren't the fault of the victims, so it becomes a self-tormenting overfixation as the result.

Besides medicaments (usually antidepressants), there are three therapies that are reccommended to help one recover from PTSD. Apparently the therapies are more helpful than meds. They also probably bring best results when combined instead of focusing only on one or two methods.

First therapy method that is apparently quite effective is Prolonged Exposure. In Law's case it would mean exposing himself to a triggering situation, like for example practicing touching other people again, in safe environment. It has usually two phases: imaginary in the therapy session and outside of therapy, kinda like a homework exercise. It sounds very easy, but of course it's anything but, because all the feelings of anxiety, stress and physical symptoms aren't going anywhere, and the therapist would be helping to develop healthy ways of coping with them whenever that happens. The goal is to get used to the thing one was avoiding because it was too triggering. If done wrong I believe it can make the PTSD even worse.

Another method is Cognitive Processing Therapy. It's the "talking therapy" many would probably imagine as a standard procedure. The goal of it is to become more aware of the relationship between thoughts and emotions and begin to identify “automatic thoughts” that may be responsible for the PTSD symptoms. It's basically deep-diving into oneself, scrutinizing thinking patterns and associations one makes about the traumatic event and how one perceives oneself as the result of it. The patient talks about their experience and their feelings, while the therapist helps by asking questions and pointing out maladaptive thinking (like self-blaming thoughts) in order to modify harmful beliefs about oneself. In Law's case, his belief of having failed Flevance and selfblaming himself for not being able to save anyone, and his low self-esteem as the result, would be one of examples of his maladaptive thinking. There's no way a 10 year old child could have done anything to save the country or city, no matter if he's a child of doctors or not. It's not his fault any of this happened, not his fault that he tried his best to survive, and not his fault he had no means of helping anyone. Even as an adult, he also wouldn't be able to do all of that.

The goal is for the patient to develop skills to identify and address unhelpful thinking and beliefs. Next step is to adapt this skill outside of treatment to improve daily life. The therapy is often focused on such fields as safety, trust, power, control, esteem and intimacy, which tend to be affected the most by traumatic experiences. In Law's case it means helping him learn how to open up to people again, creating and maintaining friendships and other kind of relationships, how to deal with feeling vulnerable around people, how to not be overwhelmed so it doesn't prevent him from talking about his experiences and thoughts, how to trust people again, how to get control over his own traumatic responses, how to achieve the feeling of safety around people etc. He would have definitely a lot to work through.

Third possible therapy is EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). The basic idea of it is to use stimulation (most common is side-to-side eye movement, or alternating sounds or taps, timed to the patient talking about their feelings) to reduce and hopefully eliminate PTSD symptoms. It sounds a bit like magic, but it's actually a behavioral therapy, it's based on the belief that stress symptoms caused by trauma are due to memories not being correctly processed inside the brain. When a person with PTSD is experiencing a triggering event or emotionally charged situation, their brain can feel like it "froze" or got "stuck", overfocused on the trigger. It's especially harmful when it's so severe that the patient can't tell what has happened in their past and what’s happening in the present.

EMDR therapy makes use of both the left and right sides of your brain (one responsible for processing the movement, the other for thinking), enhancing the natural ability to heal and process information. This allows to separate intense emotions from the memories, so the emotions by themselves can be “reprocessed” or "reassigned". The therapy begins by teaching you how to ground yourself, and then gradually breaks down the tough stuff into smaller, more manageable chunks. I'm always sceptical whenever I read about EMDR, but one of my friends went through it and said it was indeed effective and helpful, so who am I to doubt it? Apparently the biggest advantage of the EMDR is that it doesn’t require people to speak about the intolerable, triggering events or explain to a therapist why they feel in particular way (that sounds like it would really help Law who doesn't seem to want to talk about his emotions). It still needs proper preparation stage, so it's not like the patient won't have to speak *at all* about his trauma, and the session ends with reaffirming the results. I'm not gonna lie but many behavioural therapies sound like they could be used for malignant purposes, if in the wrong hands. It basically teaches the patient that a certain assiociated behaviour is connected with a specific action.

There are also other complementary and alternative therapies for people with PTSD, that require less talking and disclosure than psychotherapy. Examples include acupuncture, yoga (and possibly other physical-based activities) and animal-assisted therapy. I'm sure Bepo already is exactly that (and more, since he's also Law's best friend) for Law, and Chopper could be as well. The case with Chopper would be a mutual benefit, because Chopper has his own PTSD symptoms as well, so he and Law could both help each other to heal. Peer support group is also usually reccommended, and I'm looking at you here, Robin! After all those two share many similar symptoms of their traumas and their experiences are also quite similar.

It's worthy to mention that some patients also report feeling tired or experiencing more vivid dreams following reprocessing sessions as the initial result of the therapy. Sometimes things need to get worse before they can become better. Also it's normal for healing process to not be linear, it's usually marked with ups and downs, and can take months or even years (with exception of EMDR which is said to bring really fast relieving results). At times things get so good the patient doesn't need therapy for a while, but after a particularly awful flashback or going through very triggering situation they might need it again, because the symptoms came back. As the result of the therapy the patient also knows themselves much better, know how to cope with certain triggers and how to deal with the aftermath, regulate their breathing, how to sooth physical symptoms, recognize the uncomfortable situation and remove oneself as fast as possible from it etc. Also it helps them gain confidence and stop negative thoughts about themselves (shame, blame, low self-esteem). It also gives them the tools to reimagine themselves and their mind's frameworks so even if a trigger happens again, at least they can fight against their very own selfguilting trips about that.

But will the triggers ever truly go away? Maybe yes, maybe not. The goal of therapy isn't to "fix" someone like the bad event never happened, but to deal with the results of it in better, not self-harming ways. But there is a high chance for triggers to happen less often when the patient has a safe environment around him, like family and friends, who are there for him and make sure to avoid their triggers, support him whenever he needs that etc. That's why, eventually, Luffy three times a day (or rather: spending time with Strawhats and Hearts every day) is gonna be essential in Law's longterm recovery. Still, this is healing process we're talking about, no matter how successful the therapy is, Law might still experience nightmares (even really nasty ones) from time to time, and occassionally even regularly, after he experienced something like almost losing someone important to him again, stuck in a helpless situation, or suddenly grabbed violently, or people telling him to not come any closer or not touch them. Therapy helps so the PTSD doesn't dominate daily life, but it can't really make the triggers stop being triggering. Take sexual assault for example, no matter the amount of therapy, it will never make you feel okay with sexual assault. And it's also not the point.

Sometimes, I feel like people sending me questions about Law's intimacy expect Law to get "completely normal" and never experience any trigger again, just cuddling happily with people for the rest of his days, like nothing terrible ever happened to him. Yes, he might get to that point when interacting with people he trusts and feels close with, like touching or hugging, but no, it doesn't mean he will be okay with just anyone and everyone touching him. And sometimes touch will feel bad and wrong no matter the intention, and make his symptoms return, maybe even for no clear reason whatsoever. And for example, being touched out of the blue, unexpectedly, like on a wrist (that's how Doflamingo grabbed him in Dressrosa), can make everything come back to him. It's normal for people with PTSD, even after they healed, because trauma is a bitch and doesn't just disappear. You just learn how to deal with it better. He can learn again how to allow others to touch him and touch them back, but it doesn't mean touch will never become bad again; in fact it still often can and will. Think of it like a permament scar - it will always be there, but you can learn to accept it as part of yourself and be less bothered about it, but it might still terribly hurt at certain times and there's nothing you can do about it. And it doesn't have to be a bad thing that makes you or others think like you're "broken" or "worse" in any way. It's just who you are.

Also, I think canon-wise, Law did some working through his trauma. Obviously touch is still a big issue for him (that trauma must be really severe), as well as helplessness or experiencing someone nearly dying, but he seemed to work through the self-blame around Vergo, for example, to some extent (he doesn't blame himself anymore for delivering Cora-san's message to him, his trigger doesn't overpower him and he can oppose and fight Vergo himself). Also Bepo's care and closeness must be doing really good things for Law. So props for the boy, he's actually doing what he can! And I'm certain spending more time on Sunny with Strawhats would make him get even better!

And one day we will see him as comfortable as on this double spread image and it will be one of the biggest victories in his healing process ❤

Still won't mean he will be 100% okay with any touch at any time, even from people he loves and who love him back.

[lostfracturess]

Whats the difference between the type of love Suguru has for r&r reader and s&c reader? Would s&c raader be categorized as simple as infatuation, while r&r is his one true love? Like LOVE LOVE?

It may not be good idea to judge them but I'm feeling messy because the feels~the emotions~lord have mercy (I'm just messy, yk like yeah things be different but I end up sort of lowkey antagonizing s&c reader (r&r reaader will never have that effect, like his parts and thoughts of you), which is damn funny because I am literally done with a crying session after reading through it in all day, my heart HURTS for her and Toru. Then there's r&r, and I'm being a mess like, I don't want Sugu to have any ‘Oh she was one of my loves, I love you a lot r&r girlie, but yk she was that girl once', which is as I said is just me being messy. God it was painful to ready. “You know damn well why." Lord, take me! I am not your strongest soldier!)

hmm yes, i think you can say that suguru has a type of love for s&c reader that is built on attraction, idealization, and infatuation. it's like being drawn to an interesting personality, but deep down, you know you would never work out with that person, so you kind of idealize them to blur out that aspect.

while r&r reader and suguru will have a love that is also based on initial attraction, but through their friendship, they build a much more profound understanding and connection. like they naturally work together, like two halves of a whole, and their relationship is very intimate and deep.

i guess it's natural to antagonize s&c reader at first because she is seen as "the other woman." there will be heartbreak for r&r reader because of this, but i want them to become friends down the storyline, and that s&c reader will help suguru with his girl.

but please judge them. i judge them myself. i've literally roasted s&c story in chapter 02 of r&r. i hope someone noticed it. i've written that r&r reader thinks all med students are unlikable, arrogant people with a god complex.

They probably strut around like they've discovered the cure for brain tumors while the rest of us mere mortals are just trying to figure out how to parallel park. Yeah. No, thank you.

i mean... they are working on a cure for brain tumors rn in s&c ahahah. i'm hating on my own story. anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts, i love reading them :')) and sorry again for the emotional damage <3

[weezly14]

so i'm not going to respond to any individual asks - this is the blanket response to all the asks i've gotten in the past few weeks asking me when i'm going to update my WIPs, if i've abandoned them, etc. i appreciate the love, i do. i miss dust to dust, and something good and right and real, and i wanna be your boyfriend, too.

i might regret being this honest later, but fuck it, it's my blog and not enough people talk about this shit.

i'm struggling with infertility. emphasis on the struggle. i'm weepy from fertility meds, in the midst of my first treatment cycle, half hope and half fear. we're "unexplained infertility," so there's no reason why it shouldn't work, except it hasn't so far, so hope feels like a dangerous thing.

for anyone who hasn't experienced this, it's a complete and total mindfuck. i don't feel like the same person i was a year ago, before all those negative pregnancy tests. i thought i'd have a baby by now, or at least be pregnant. instead, i have a shitty not even diagnosis, and Options that are both a blessing but also invasive, and expensive, and in no way a guarantee. every month i calculate when the due date would be; think about the events we have planned for next year in terms of where i could be in a pregnancy; and every month, my period arrives right on schedule, if not a day early. i have yet to see a positive pregnancy test. it's "only" been a year, and i'm "so young," but it feels like it's been ages and like i'm running out of time.

we've been forced to have conversations about money, about how far we want to go with treatment, about when we might call it. "it's too early to think about that," you might say, but one cycle of ivf could cost $16k. we have good insurance, but are we willing to undergo more than one egg retrieval? how many failed transfers before we decide the emotional toll is too high? it's better to have those conversations now, before we have to, when we can maybe make clearer decisions. would we consider donor eggs or sperm? surrogacy? what about adoption?

meanwhile, i'm watching friends and acquaintances get pregnant with no problem, as i try not to completely isolate myself and try to track ovulation, as though timing might be the problem.

(it's not.)

i'm not the person i was before all of this, and it sucks. i'm a sadder, smaller person, i think. i'm trying my best. i'm "practicing hope" or some shit, i'm doing my best to keep my head up and stop isolating, stop avoiding my pregnant best friend, stop wallowing in the grief. because it is grief. if i get pregnant, it will be because of fertility meds and doctors, it will happen in a sterile exam room, hopefully with my husband holding my hand, if he can get the time off work. there will be no spontaneous pregnancy, no surprise. there's grief in that, in letting go of what i thought this might be like, how i thought it might go.

so yes, writing fic has fallen by the wayside. not because i want it to. i just have a hard time finding the energy to do even fun things. i miss the person who could write a lot in short spans of time, who had the energy for fic. i'd like to believe i can still be that person again. i don't consider any of those fics abandoned. i've written, i've worked on things.

but, right now, it feels like my entire life, my entire being, is consumed with this struggle to get pregnant. like my life is measured by where i am in my cycle. i look at my calendar and think, that's when i'll get my period or a positive test, so i should be mindful in what i plan. i might be very happy, or i might have a very bad day.

sometimes, the bad days feel eternal.

but i'm doing what i can. i'm trying, anyway. my therapist said i should practice hope, and i'm trying to. i'm trying to let myself believe things might work out. even though the fucking meds have made me weepy as hell, i'm trying to stay positive, and envision that this cycle could work. that on christmas day, instead of my period, i'll get a positive pregnancy test.

(because going home for christmas isn't loaded enough.)

there's an old wives tale that if you wrap a baby blanket and put it under the tree, you'll have a baby by next christmas. i'm jewish, but we're an interfaith household, so we bought a baby blanket, and we're going to wrap it in hanukkah paper, and put it under the tree. we have a hope basket in the nursery - because when we moved into this house we set aside a bedroom to be the nursery, and it's empty except for that little basket of baby things we've collected over the months, in the hopes that one day we'll have a baby to dress in the little onesies or socks. we have a running list of names. this is our version of practicing hope.

this is only our first treatment cycle. things could work. or maybe the next cycle. and then, there's always ivf. some days, i feel like it'll work for us, and we will have a baby, one way or another. other days, i wonder if i shouldn't just spare myself the pain and call it now. it's exhausting, infertility.

so, to everyone who misses my writing, and wonders when i'll update again - i don't know. i miss my writing, too. i miss being the person who wasn't so consumed by fertility shit, who could indulge in hobbies. i'd like to believe i can get back to that. but not this week.

the holidays are joyous but they're also really fucking hard, so let me be your friendly reminder not to ask people when they're having kids, or why they aren't pregnant yet, and to not tell people struggling with infertility to "just adopt" or "just relax."

happy holidays.

[caspersickfanfics]

*busts door open* IM BACK

I’m not gonna be too weird about this but- ironically- today was a day of much crying, and from that I was re-reminded of few things that got me thinking about the other nights rants so I have just a few more considerations~

again- not necessarily a fit for the current fic situation BUT. Types of crying. I feel like Cyno really doesn’t cry much at all. And maybe this was a given lol but I wanna talk about it anyways 😭

He’s just that kind of person and I feel like that tracks with canon. Even if he isn’t bottling up emotions, like if he’s sad and he’s letting himself feel sad, even then he may not cry that much. but if he is crying- or sobbing due to fever-addled hysteria- it’s him doing everything he can to keep it quite. Like muffled sobs, or just tears spilling uncontrollably, and so much, sniffing. That kind of crying you get when you just can’t stop crying even if you really want too. Maybe because it’s so stifled it lands in his body, so he’s stiff, or hunched or shaking a little. And! I feel like it’s so much easier to slip into hyper ventilation when you’re not breathing cuz you’re trying to hold back tears.

I think under Tighnaris care and comfort he’d be a bit more vocal? Maybe? Or!! Or when it gets really bad and he can no longer help it that’s when his sobs sound like, well, sobs. And that’s new territory for nari and cyno both. I think Tighnari would need some serious comfort after all this himself because it’s scary seeing your partner in so much distress even if you know they are okay and kinda just out of it.

I think cyno would try really really hard to communicate well, but he’s struggling cuz he’s sick enough and emotional enough that he’s not quite making the most sense? He’s stumbling over his words and he’s not quite sure how to explain what hurts and in what way- But he knows that he’s worrying nari and so he’ll try his damndest to make sense, and at the very least be honest. Maybe not at first but once they settle into his recovery I think he’d try 🥺

I also was thinking about more comical things Cyno would get upset over? Idk if it’s the vibe at all lol, but if his fever is high enough or if say the meds he’s on add to the loopy ness, I can picture him being very very distraught over just how *pretty* nari is. Maybe not full on crying but I can see him just starting and pouting cuz his partner is just…too perfect??? And if anything happened to him what would he do??? His EARS!! They are so soft- and he falls apart

idk these aren’t as fun as the ones from the other day but oh well lol 😑

WELCOME BACK AHH!!! I'm sorry you had a crying day and I'm sorry to post this so late when you sent it ages ago!!!!!!!! I hope you're feeling better now and if not, I'm sending you all the hugs!!!

This ask has me in a chokehold because I do think about characters crying a lot and I agree with you I don't think Cyno cries much at all. Even though I want to make him cry all the time LOL. Honestly though him and Tighnari both, especially in the canon world, I really have trouble picturing them crying.

100% agree that Cyno would be pretty quiet. My instinct was that he cries without realizing it and that's why he's quiet but I am now obsessed with your (paraphrased) "he is quiet on purpose which can lead to hyperventilating" like. Yes. And that progression to sobbing is really intriguing, definitely seems like something I'd like to explore if I can work it in somewhere!!!

I also headcanon Cyno as being very honest with Tighnari! I could see him downplaying stuff unintentionally - like, he's always a little banged up, so he brushes off discomfort without a second thought sometimes. And he might initially resist Tighnari urging him to look a bit more closely at that, but he'll cave eventually.

I also could definitely see Tighnari having a hard time with Cyno really crying, depending on the situation............ and at the same time I could see him actually being reassured by it. Like, finally, Cyno's letting himself being completely open. Finally he's letting himself be honest and feel things fully. But also Tighnari is going to frequently check his temperature to make sure it's not gotten to a dangerous place to be causing this. And freaking!! Absolutely to Cyno crying over how pretty Nari is and how much he loves his ears/tail/claws/etc. Maybe apologizing for "springing Collei on him" all those years ago and Tighnari is laughing because, like, he adores Collei and is so glad Cyno brought her to him.

I've also been thinking about Tighnari and crying. I picture him as a nonchalant but infrequent crier. Maybe some anxious/frustrated crying in extreme situations, but generally if things aren't going well, he compartmentalizes to figure out a solution. If something is upsetting to him and it's really shocking, maybe he'll shed a few tears without realizing, but then he'll wipe them away and do what needs to be done. If he's in a lot of pain, he'll cry but be really reassuring ("It just hurts a little, don't worry. Could you possibly help wrap this? My hands are a bit unsteady" tears running down his face) to anyone who's around the whole time, while treating his injury if he can. And... I think if he finds out someone he really cares about had something bad happen to them, he'd respond with rage. Even, like, Collei with her Eleazar - if anything worse had happened to her, I don't think his initial response would've been to cry. It would've been "I'm going to fucking murder who or what ever caused this disease." And then when things calm down he'd go to his hut, hide under the covers, curl up into a ball and sob.

Hm. I dunno if you've picked up on this by how much I wrote but. Personally..... I think this was just as fun as your previous asks sdjkfsdjksfj thank you so much for sending ittttt ily <333

[itsclydebitches]

I’m screaming Clyde, what WAS that epilogue?! Also since semblances were just a discussion did you notice the moment when the guy tripped and Qrow caught him THEN we see the pin? Which is probably calling back to the mine incident where he tripped and Clover caught him? But now he’s kinda in the unique position of causing both. Looks like Qrow did indeed get a semblance upgrade without explanation. Maybe that’s why he’s so dang happy lol

Oh man you're right! That callback didn't occur to me, but it seems too big a coincidence to not be a callback. Yeah, I'm wondering now if we're meant to take this as further evidence that Qrow's semblance has evolved into a kind of...equalizer? The man near him still trips (bad luck) but now Qrow, in a mirror of Clover and his own good luck semblance, is able to catch him with a smile. I mean yeah, we could simply chalk that up to Huntsmen reflexes, but it seems a little too on-the-nose to not be meaningful, particularly after the miraculous save on the airship. That begs the question though of what this actually means for Qrow moving forward. I mean, if he has good luck and bad luck now, don't they just cancel each other out? That's just normal luck. Congrats, your semblance makes you like everyone else where some good things and some bad things happen in your vicinity.

Ngl, after RWBY semi-canonically introduced the concept of some semblances severely impacting mental heath via Ironwood, my mind immediately jumped to the possibility of Qrow's upgrade coloring his reaction to everything. Not that I think this is actually happening in the story (and not that I'd want RT to attempt such a story-line), but from a fun AU possibility my brain went, "Qrow is acting all content and optimistic after everything in his life has gone to shit. Salem won back in Atlas, she's two steps closer to destroying the world, a whole Kingdom is dead/displaced, his nieces are presumably dead and at some point he's going to have to tell Tai that... and yet he's smiling. Not even in a 'I'm holding it together through extreme denial' way, but acknowledging that yes, he's actually, surprisingly happy. That doesn't make sense! I wonder if this spontaneous upgrade that presumably revolves around generically Good Things is fucking with his head somehow." In more nuanced and respectful hands, it might be interesting to explore what it means for a magic-based power to influence someone's mood. Can it be equated to medication? Is it seen as an "unnatural" version of who they are (something that, again like meds, could be a bias the show works to unpack)? As events unfold, is it revealed that his semblance simply gives him a stronger, more optimistic will for shouldering such tragedy, or does it become clear that he's not reacting appropriately to what everyone recognizes as—formerly for him—crippling emotional blows? There's a difference between, "My semblance keeps me from sinking back into my self-destructive depression. No, I'm not like who I was before and that's a good thing" vs. "Ruby? Yang? Uh... sure. I guess I miss them? I recognize that I'm supposed to miss them... but I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be? They did a good thing, those girls, trying to save the world and all, but now it's time to move on. Chins up, everyone! :)"

In my attempts to work through Qrow's everything from the epilogue, I'm also dying to know how long has passed. This is one of those times when a firmer timeline makes a huge difference because it can make or break our acceptance of these characterizations. How long did it take for them to accept that Team RWBY aren't coming back? How long passed after that when Qrow goes to wipe dust off the grave? If it's, say, a few days or weeks then I'm like hey wtf they should still be DEVASTATED. If, however, we've jumped forward six months, a year... that at least makes a little more sense. I don't like that we've skipped over all the cliffhanger conflicts of Volume 8 as well as a long-term grieving arc for every character that would fundamentally change who they are and their approach to this war... but I find that slightly easier to swallow then Qrow strutting around the new slums with a smile on his face, happily telling the ghosts of his dead family that he's doing surprisingly good during the end of the world.

Also, in the realm of skipped-over character growth, I saw someone point out that Oscar's tiny smile at the group's arrival... might not be Oscar's. Or might not be Ozpin's. God knows the writers have proven that they don't know how to write the merge on screen—they just keep insisting it's happening without either of them changing in any meaningful way—so this would be the perfect opportunity for them to just skip over all the important bits and land on the final product, a la Oscar getting over his crisis in Volume 6. If we hypothesize based on what RWBY has shown us before (ha) we should expect for Ozpin to be gone for good and Oscar is now in control, but with mannerisms and knowledge that he's never displayed before; a fundamental shift in his personality. After all, we never got to hear Ozpin the host. The show acts like Ozma existed on his own after a certain point, a body without a voice in his head anymore, but living as a, you know, merged version of himself and whoever was last with him. Which I hate! And Oscar hated it too, as evidence by him understandably freaking out about it, but the story never bothered to let him work through that. (Or just solve it with the magical aura machine + android bodies that have already been introduced.) As a favorite of mine, I'm not looking forward to being told that they've merged now. It's not Oscar. It's not Ozpin. It's someone who sounds like both at times, but really the characters you enjoyed are gone... without fully being gone. Combined with worry that Ironwood might come back—someone commented that the "Don't come back" was directed at Weiss, though that doesn't make any sense to me?—if we do get Volume 10 I can't help but think that, like Penny, the writers aren't going to leave these characters alone, despite them supposedly having left the story.