#yes i used a pic from the opening because i couldnt be bothered to find an in game image of his hand specifically

[genderdotcom]

PUT THOSE THINGS AWAY

[violetnotez]

HC: Mineta being a Pervert to the Boys S/o

@dekulover555: Hey could I request something with kamanari/bakugo/deku/kirishima when minnetas being a pervert to a fem s/o and like touching her up even after she’s asked him to stop please and thankyouxx

In which case MIneta can jump off a cliff

Pairings: Kaminari x reader | Bakugo x reader | Deku x reader | Kirishima x reader

(RULES  | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

--------------------

Kamanari

Usually Kaminari is a pretty chill dude

Him and Mineta used to drool over girls all the time- including you

They had talked and made elaborate plans all the time to see if they could somehow get the girls to be shirtless or get to see them in their underwear- but none of their plans would ever work, they were more just like fantasies they would freak out over

When Kaminari started dating you, those talks kinda stopped- he had a girl now! He didn't need to talk about other girls- he had one he loved and cherished and who was already hot!

So Mineta had been pretty deprived of any type of NSFW talk (cause nobody else was willingly gonna deal with his horny ass)

One day, you were sparring with Bakugo in the gym, when his quirk accidentally lit your shirt on fire

You instantly shouted in surprise, ripping off your PE shirt before it could burn you

MIneta-Boob-Radar Activated

“What the hell Bakugo!” you stood there, your skin turning red from the heat so close to your skin

“Well- you should have dodged it dunce face!”

As Bakugo was red in the face trying not to make eye contact with you, Mineta literally latched onto your leg

“No wonder why Kaminari’s dating you- your chest is amazing!” 

You tried shaking him off, but his grip was too strong- he started making grabbing motions towards your chest and you felt your cheeks get warm with anger

“Get off you of me little purple freak!”

Kaminari had been working with Kirishima, not noticing your dilemma until Bakugo had stomped over to tell him what was happening

Kaminari never got angry easily, but the sight of Mineta trying to crawl up your body made him erupt with rage

You were clearly uncomfortable as you tried to cover up your exposed top portion with a clingy MIneta on you

“Please! One touch, thats all!”

“Get the hell off of me Mineta!’

Kaminari ran over to you, yanking Mineta off your leg as Kirishima and Bakugo followed

your in Bakusquad if your dating Denki, its ride together or die together with this group

“What the hell are you doing dude?!” Kaminari yelled at Mineta who literally had tears in his eyes

This grape is way too damn horny oml

You instantly ran to Kaminari, hugging yourself against him- he always made you feel safe

Mineta trudged off, knowing full well he wasnt getting anything more with Bakugo and Kirishima glaring daggers at him

You hugged Denki, a soft smile gracing his face

“You okay babe?” he asked as he pulled away from you slightly, looking at your face

“Yeah, Im fine- I just need a new shirt, that’s all.”

Thats when it fully registered to him that you didnt have a shirt on- he then noticed how your slighty bare chest felt pressed against his chest, and then he looked down- and oh crap he probably almost had a boner right then and there

“I-uh-um-yeah, that’d probably be best!” he would stutter and giggle, feeling his quirk go into overdrive

“But you do kinda look nice like this though…”

“Denki I swear to god I will kick you.”

Bakugo

Does Mineta want to die?

This boy is POSSESSIVE

AN ANIMAL

You are his girl, his s/o, his lover, his EVERYTHING

If anyone touches what is his he will MURDER them

He overreacts allottt

But this anger definitely comes in handy when you needed a certain pervy grape to get away from you

During a training session, you had the unfortunate fate of being paired with Mineta

It would have been fine, if only Mineta would stop drooling all over you like you were a piece of meat

“You ready, beautiful?” he’d ask before you started your training mission

You rolled your eyes, trying to ignore his eyes practically undressing you as you walked past him

Mineta knows full damn well that by you being Bakugo’s s/o, he would get pummeled for so much as thinking such lewd thoughts about you

But he had been eyeing you for so long, and if Bakugo wasn’t around, he thought  he would be okay and not die if Bakugo wasnt near you

Oh how stupid that assumption was

As you two are walking, he just stares at your ass, keeping a few paces behind to watch it as you walk

“Can you not?” you ask, disgust in your voice

“What?” he asks as if he wasnt doing anything, “Im just walking.”

You fight the urge to kick him

You just sigh, turning around- it would be a long class period being paired with him for a training exercise, but you could manage

Of course this little purple idiot begins to start staring at your rear again

Anger and dread bubbles in your stomach- could he just not be like this for one second??

 You could easily pummel him into the ground- but you didnt want to waste your energy on somebody who didnt deserve to have your energy wasted on in the first place

So you continually took the anger that was caused by Mineta’s perverted staring

The icing on the cake though was when you felt a light squeeze on your rear, making you shoot around in shock

There he was, his hand in midair and this disgustingly blissful expression on his face

“Did you JUST-” you practically yelled out, rage and embarrassment making you begin to turn red

“I couldnt help it- it just looked so touchable-” he said, his hand about to touch you on your ass again

You took off in a run, Mineta making grabby hands behind you

You finally found Bakugo, who was paired with Yaomomo

“Katsuki!” you’d yell, running into his arms

He instantly noticed something was wrong- you were cuddled into his neck, giving a very pale looking Mineta a dirty look

“What the hell is going on?” he asked, his face harsh and serious

“He-he,” you gulped, the embarrasment rising, “he touch my, uh-”

Bakugo didnt need to hear anymore- he was concerned Mineta would do this, and now his fear became into reality

He internally kicked himself- he should have known Mineta would pull some pervy shit like that on you- he should have made sure you would have been okay

But that guilt quickly got overtaken by an incontrollable rage

“Did you just touch my girlfriend you fucking pervert?” he’d growl, his voice dangerously low

That meant shit was going down

Mineta gulped, his face paler than a sheet- Bakugo then grabbed him by the front of his shirt, dangling a terrified Mineta in the air

“Where?!”

“Huh?” Mineta asked in fear

“Where the hell did you touch her you idiot?!”

“Her-uh-her-butt-but-” Mineta sqeuaked out, trying to form some sort of excuse

Welp that when Bakugo saw black

You and Momo had to restrain Bakugo as he started going on a rampage, screaming all kinds of profanities

“You fuckng extra!! Im going to kill you! Shes my girl- you have no fucking right to touch her! Do that one more time and Ill blow you ass up! You hear me?! You so much as look at her and your ass will be seven feet under in your own ashes!”

Yeah- Whenever Mineta now sees you he walks the other way, and he hasnt bothered you since

Deku

Deku is very oblivious to Mineta’s harassment

Like- he can’t be that bad right???

*cough cough YES HE CAN

But if you tell him he will be the first to stomp over and give him a piece of his mind

If he sees it- oh he will be so UPSET

Mina has somehow rounded you up into one of her personal projects, in which she was creating an all girl dance

It was you, Momo, Toru, and Mina learning the choreography to a really upbeat girl group song

Tasty Carrots by Shou

You had finally learned all the choreography, now switching into outfits so Mina could put it into her social media

This girl def has a Tik Tok

Mina has put you all in little skater skirts, yours being high waisted, pleated, and reaching just barely reaching your mid thigh

Mina was squealing- “You all look so cute!!! We are TOTALLY going viral!”

Right as Mina started the music, and you began to do a few practice runs, Mineta and Kaminari walking past

Mineta had spotted you all from like a mile away

His literal wet dream- a bunch of girls dancing in little skirts

None of you notice though- you just continued with the choreography, attracting a little group on onlookers from the blaring music-including Midoriya

Mineta had pulled out his phone half way through and instantly started taking pics

At one part of the dance you have a tiny duet part with Mina where you bend down slightly

This perv instantly got right under you and took a whole ass pic

You heard a flash and look between your legs, seeing  the purple idiot

You screeched, your face red as you yanked your skirt down

Mina instantly started yelling at Mineta, trying to catch the little idiot while Kaminari tried to yank his phone away from him

Izuku was filled with raged-how dare he do that to you?!? He was about to give him a piece of your mind, but seeing your embarrassed face made him think otherwise

He ran over, wrapping you into a hug

You were feeling so dumb-you didn’t even notice the little group of onlookers forming, making you feel even more embarrassed

Midoriya then sees Mineta run past, and as if on instinct grabs him by the arm

Mineta squeaks, regret riding through his body-nobody has ever seen Midoriya look this mad

Izuku yanks Mineta’s phone out of his hand, quietly searching through his camera roll

He finds the picture and hi face turns a little red because geez you do look really hot-

He quickly (and permanently) deletes it, so Mineta can’t go into his recently deleted, and hands it back to him

“Don’t you ever, EVER do that again.” The threat seemed simple but the way Midoriya voice was full of ice and his eyes on fire made Mineta’s skin turn cold

Kirishima

sorry if this one seems longer than the rest!

It was the end of the year and Yaomomo had invited everyone to her house for a big summer celebration pool party!

Of course everyone was excited- Yaomomo was rich and her house was beautiful and massive! Also she was the best hostess anyone could imagine

Mineta was excited for another reason- he couldn’t wait to see all the girls in bathing suits of their own choice, not the dumb leotard-like ones the school made them wear

Secretly hoped they were as skimpy as possible

Momo had invited all the girls the night before to a massive sleepover- you all went shopping for new suits at a beach themed boutique

Of course it was super expensive, but the owners of the shop were friends of Yaomomo’s parents and gave you all a FAT discount

Everyone was super happy with their suits- yours was all red,  with a strappy red top, the bottom also matched in color and were slightly high waisted and showed off the sides of your thighs

The next morning you all spent time getting ready and helping Momo prepare to when everyone else came

Everyone started trickling in and greeting each other, getting snacks supplied by Momo and swimming or dancing to the “Top 50 Songs” playlist blasting outisde

You were in the kitchen getting some punch with Mina when Kirishima and Bakugo came in

Bakugo looked like he would rather be anywhere but there, while Kirihsima was just excited to find you and have some fun!

When Kirihsima saw you- his mouth dropped- you looked seriously stunning and he couldnt make his heart stop pounding so hard

Also your wearing red- he can try to act as chivalrous as he wants but he cant deny that red on you makes him go CRAZY inside

“Kirishima!” you yell happily when you see him, running over to give him a hug

He instantly twirls you around and tells you how pretty you look

You go outside and everyone begins to hang out, playing some games, swimming, dancing, or just plain mingling

Mineta is of course on a mission- he is just sitting in a really dark corner of the party pratically trying to memorize how all the girls look and drooling like a perv, concocting a plan in his twisted head of his

The moment he hears Uraraka yell- “Who wants to play volleyball- Boys vs Girls!” He instantly jumps up- now was time to get his plan in action

You and Kirishima join Uraraka, Izuku, Kaminari, Mina, Bakugo, and Tsuyu in the game

What you all didnt notice was Mineta, who was waiting patiently to pounce on one of the girls- he unfortunately chose you as his victim

When you wadded towards the end of the pool to try and save the ball, Mineta had reached over and pulled at one of the straps of your top, easily detangling it from your chest

You felt something loosen- and then horror rippled throughout your body

You qiuckly ducked under the water, only your eyes visible as your face was on fire

Mineta at first was cheering, your top tangled in his grubby hands, but then everyone started screaming at him, Mina throwing every threat she could think of while Uraraka tried to block you from sight and Froppy got you a towel

What really terrified Mineta was Kirishima- he was desperately trying to crawl out of the pool, all the boys trying to restrain him because he was literally going to KILL Mineta

Nobody had ever seen Kirishima that mad- even Bakugo

Mineta ran off, still holding onto your top as Tsuyu wrapped you in a towel

Kirishima ran over to you, wrapping you in a hug

“You okay? Im so sorry that happened! I’ll get your top back- I promise!”

And this boy did-of course after he calmed down- while Bakugo followed suit

As much as Bakugo hates to admit it, he does like you and you being his best friend’s girl, he protects you as much as Eijirou does

They both found where Mineta was hiding, Bakugo grabbing the little grape while Kirishima rambled on about “how unmanly that was” and how Mineta needed to “respect women and be more chivalrous”

Also may or may have not have told him that if he ever did anything like that again he wouldnt hestitate to teach him a lesson

After that little stunt, Yaomomo kicked him out of the party, all the girls breathing a sigh of relief

Kirishima came back, all the girls sitting around you and giving support-but once they saw Kiri they’d knew you’d be okay and gave you some privacy

This boy cuddled the crap out of you for the rest of the day and didnt wanna let go

------------

Requests open| Matchups closed!

[rint4rous]

meeting the parents: karmelle

(this is so long hhhh)

karma met the (step)mom first

he already sorta met her in the summer trip since she was one of the assassins in the hotel

but they properly met when he comes over anielle’s house after school

as anielle unlocks the door karmas ready for her little siblings running up to her and welcoming her home and saying hi to him

but to his surprise its a woman with her arms crossed thats there when they walk in

wowie ! its arime kiriya !

anielle seems unbothered and ignores that her mom looks mad as shes taking off her shoes

“didnt know youd be home today”

“daichi says you skipped training for a week again.”

“daichi says a lot of things especially about me, probably to stray you from the fact hes failing one of his classes”

theres a screech from the kitchen

“?!!???!! SHES LYING DONT LISTEN TO HER”

arime just sighs, shaking her head

meanwhile karmas standing there like …?? um ok

as hes taking his shoes off, arime notices him

“oh, the boyfriend.”

ani: um??? no??? hes not??? my boyfriend???

“this is karma,,,”

“is he staying for dinner??”

karmas kinda panicking and his Respecful Mode is ON

hes not really intimidated, she just seems like a ‘normal’ mom to him but at the same time ..

this .. arime kiriya might be a pro assassin but before that she’s still anielle’s mom

he doesn’t really care about first impressions

so he has no idea why hes worrying now

“i usually do, unless you don’t want me to??”

“oh no no i would have insisted you stay if you said no”

anielle grabs karmas wrist

“call us down when foods ready”

shes dragging him up the stairs

she lets go of his wrist when they got in her room and shes like

“yeah um,, thats my mom,, i didnt know she would be home”

“shes different from what i expected?? from the trip she seemed more intimidating”

“oh shes actually pretty nice ?? we get in playful arguments sometimes but yeah even though shes not always at home she tries her best”

dinner time !

anielle said they werent together but arime could tell that even tho they werent tgt yet there was something there

arime asks karma a few questions as they’re eating and when karma answers, his tone’s polite and tame

anielle notices this

she finds it a little amusing, but honestly cute more than anything

when karma goes home arime says

“he seems like a good kid. you like him?”

ani, blushing: ?!??!!?! n-no

arime: ok sure

after that karma sees arime whenever shes home

he usually comes over anielles house so

but on the times that ani doesnt come home with karma, arime invites him for dinner

he says yes every time

arime always refers to him as the boyfriend though

not your boyfriend, but THE boyfriend

“you gonna invite the boyfriend over?” “how’s the boyfriend?” “ask the boyfriend if he wants to eat dinner with us”

anielles like please stop calling him that (1) he isnt my bf and (2) even if he was it sounds so weird and lame

(when karmelle start officially dating though she refers to him as karma)

karma eventually gets comfortable that he drops the Timid Tone and starts talking like himself

arimes not shocked at the change

HHH she looked thru the poor kid’s records and looked him up after they met because she has to know abt him if hes gonna end up with her daughter so she knew abt his personality and was waiting for it to show

arime’s honestly amused by him but she likes him and still thinks hes a good kid

he gets invited to their training sometimes

and sometimes gets to spar with arime he almost beat her once

as for ani’s (birth) mom, karma goes with anielle to the cemetery whenever she asks for mental support because sometimes it gets a little too much for her

the first time he went was after the incident with shiro

anielle wasnt planning on bringing him, but he insisted

he couldnt leave her alone, not after the emotional torture shiro put her through

when she broke down in his arms, he knew coming with her was the best decision, even if she didnt like the idea at first

the dad .. he met him three months after arime

karma knew that he was in the ministry of defense and is friends with karasuma, but was dealing with things overseas

thats all he really knew, he was expecting someone like karasuma

karma and ani were just playing a game tgt

then they hear the doorknob rattling ?!??!?!

out of instinct, anielle grabs the gun she keeps under the sofa hjgfhjksd

shes walking slowly towards the door gun in hand

the door opens

“i swear to god yuto i told you to stop doing that.. stop trying to scare the kids and open the door anielles gonna accidentally shoot you one of these days” arime scolds him as they walk in

yuto just laughs

anielle drops the gun and runs to hug her dad,, she hasnt seen him in months

“see! she had a damn gun ready!” arime sighs, pulling their luggage in

she sees karma “oh hi karma!! how you been?”

“good,,”

“so you’re karma? are you gonna join us for lunch?”

karmas like this is like meeting arime all over again

man he never thought his Respectful and Polite Mode would make a comeback but here he is

HHH karma: no fear

yuto: hi

karma: one fear

“yes sir”

anielles trying so hard not to laugh,, she cant believe karma just called her dad SIR HRKHHKJJKH

she and arime are silently snickering together while karma sits there as yuto studies him

“i’ll go start making the food,,” arime heads to the kitchen

“elly, go help your mom”

karma and anielle knew it was to get karma alone with him,, ani doesnt argue and goes to the kitchen

“arime and karasuma told me a lot about you.”

“oh”

yuto asks karma questions, but they arent Extra ykno

hes not Overly Protective, but hes more protective of ani because out of the two oldest, he knows anielle was affected by their mothers death most and took longest to get over it

he just wants to get to know karma

after arime karma was expecting the dad to be like her except more strict and intimidating but

for arime, it took two months for him to drop the timid tone

for yuto, it took an hour

hes still answering politely, but now hes including some snarky remarks as a joke and is talking in his usual tone

arime calls them for lunch

they all talk while eating and karma could tell the dad likes him too

hes just happy he got both of anis parents to like him

anielle met karmas parents like two weeks after graduation,, meaning karmelle are tgt now

she decided to tag along when karma went to the airport when they were coming back from a trip

he said they were coming back for a bit to spend time with him and to congratulate him for graduating

anielle didnt really know what to expect

shes looking at her phone when she hears a “karma!!!!”

she looks up and sees a woman waving at karma and a man beside her

as they’re approaching, his mom notices anielle beside him

“oh you came with... your girlfriend?”

“hi, i’m anielle!” ani greets. “i hope i’m not being a bother by being here?”

“not at all! i didn’t know our karma had a girlfriend?? since when??”

“we haven’t been together for long, but we met during our second year,,”

his mom turns to karma, “you dont tell your folks anything nowadays”

karma just shrugs

anielle shares brief greetings and conversations with his dad, the mom talks more

they dropped off their things and anielle stays for an hour and leaves so they can settle in

she gets invited to eat out with them the next day

(bruh all of these involve eatinf i am so original)

she gets to really talk with his parents

karmas mom jokes around like “our problem child managed to get himself a girl!!! he’s a real handful, isn’t he?”

anielle laughs it off, “hes tiring to deal with sometimes, but i manage. you learn to have patience with him”

karma: Bruh

ani came over sometimes, and she got to know the parents better (and vice versa, they just dont know shes a hitman)

they really like her, she keeps karma in check and they think she brings out the best in him,, shes reckless and chaotic just like karma but if she needs to, shes able to stop karma from doing stupid things and he actually listens so

his parents arent the kind that are like “wanna see karmas baby pics” to embarass him hes thankful

after a month they leave again

ani got their numbers, and the mom texts her from time to time to check up on karma (and her !!)

(karma doesnt know this)

[tripile]

A Winter CSF Leak Update

I’ve received many very similar emails and DMs during the last few days.

“Jodi…?” the messages start out. “I don’t want to bother you but it has been a long time since you posted, and I’m really starting to worry.”

“Jodi: blink twice if you’re ok?”

“Jodi, here is a llama walking into an optometrist’s office in France. I thought of you! Also, ARE YOU OK?”

In a world of easy access to people’s inboxes, readers have only been a pleasure, a virtual cloud of warmth and never a burden. And when so many of you ping at once, I know I am due for an update. In this slow bedrest state, life feels like a woozy Groundhog Day. I love the filaments that connect me to so many of you, reminding me not to lose track of time entirely. I am so humbled by your care.

***

When I was a kid, my mother said my first word was a word. Instead of continuing along those lines, apparently the next thing I started said was a sentence, “see car go by.”

“And then,” my family jokes, “she never stopped talking!”

Being at a loss for words is not a problem I normally have. But yes, I have been very lax at updating because it’s been hard to find words for what I’m feeling.

A Leaky Anniversary

January 26 was the one year anniversary of the patch that sealed me last year. I had a really rough and heart-wrenching time reckoning with where I am on this anniversary. Instead of scaffolding off the slow and arduous recovery that followed the anaphylaxis and procedure, I am in bed.

Again.

For many months.

If you’re just tuning in, the CSF leak that sealed up and was healing reopened because I sat on the ground. Gingerly. Not even enthusiastically. I went from 4-5km walks a day, to no walking in record time.

At first, I was in extreme denial that something so small, so inhibited could blow out the scar tissue that had months to form. But one by one, each symptom I had in 2017 came back. I keep detailed daily logs of every symptom, supplement or mediation, and food. I couldn’t deny what I was experiencing.

Then, the grief. The anger. The deep sadness, the kind that suffocates all hope.

We learn about the “stages of grief” in popular culture, but what happens when they just cycle over and over? When you think you’ve come out the other side and can breathe again, when you tilt your face up at a brighter-than-you-remembered sun, only to find that you’re back in the dark?

***

My body, when I releaked, was in far better shape than the initial leak in 2017. Labs last summer showed improvements and lower inflammatory markers. I tried to stay positive. My friends and family came to visit. My inbox overflowed with llama photos.

As fall turned to winter, I saw some wonderful improvements. I stopped having the “brain sag” of my brain smushing into my spine due to low pressure. I moved into “high pressure” again, which is usually a symptom of the leak starting to seal over — the extra CSF produced while leaking backs up against the hole now tentatively closed. I started on the meds to lower intracranial pressure to prevent the fragile seal from bursting due to pressure. I felt cautiously optimistic.

And then a few weeks later in mid-December, I had an awful nightmare in my sleep. I remember it perfectly. And I also remember what woke me up: the excruciating pain in my back.

After an epidural blood patch to seal a CSF leak, the discharge instructions note that there’s to be no bending, lifting, or twisting for many weeks, but also that coughing or sneezing can blow out the patch due to intrathecal pressure. Many fellow leakers have blown out their patches — a clot or glue covering the leak temporarily while your own body can heal with scar tissue underneath — from constipation (pushing), sneezing, coughing, laughing.

Suspend your humanness while you can, the unsaid instructions whisper. Don’t do anything that can compromise this seal.

In my case, this nightmare I had blew out the seal and I was back to square one.

The Roller-Coaster of Ups and Downs

It is difficult for me to express the crazy-making nature of this condition.

No imaging sensitive enough to show a leak in many cases, including where it is located in the spine. Many people are chronically misdiagnosed because their imaging is normal. Normal imaging, the leak experts have learned, does not exclude a leak.

So the best way to know if you are leaking is via your symptoms, which only exacerbates your anxiety about what may or may not be happening in your body. It is a very tough, very exhausting dance to undertake. I have struggled the most with this balance of attempting to stay in touch with my body while also uncurling my clenched hands from the eventual outcome. Science tells us that focusing ad nauseum on our pain can magnify it in our minds, hence the usefulness of mindfulness and other meditation.

When your condition requires a focus on pain, and you also know you need to stay equanimous to heal effectively? That is a total mindfuck.

***

In mid-December, a close family member took a turn for the very worse. The funeral was around Christmas. I was too unwell to attend. Combined with the Re-Re-leak, I spiralled pretty solidly into a very bleak place.

If I’ve learned anything in this madness, it’s that staying in the black hole of despair is not how you heal. With the crutches of visits and calls from close friends, someone to talk with who specializes in grief, and the tools I’ve drawn on at the worst of times, I was able to wrench myself to a better place.

But still, I am not sealed and healed.

***

I put off Duke when I re-leaked because of what happened during the last round of patching. There is a lesson about anxiety in that procedure too: in my most creative of nightmares, I never imagined anaphylaxis as part of what could go wrong.

But it did, and while they will not use fibrin glue again (suspecting that was the cause for anaphylaxis), I’ve written about how my body seems to be stuck in that very reactive, anaphylax-y place. My mast cells degranulated all over the place and LOVED it. They seem to enjoy doing so again and again since, not only to foods but also smells – and even hot showers.

Given how pear-shaped things went last time, I wanted to give my body a long chance to seal before committing to another procedure. When I did seemingly seal up in November, I was so thrilled. It didn’t (and doesn’t) matter to me if it takes a long time, though my parents have the patience of saints. If slow and steady was the way, I was ok with that as long as I sealed up.

I will be honest: my turbulent December and January have tested the limits of my capacity for grace and patience and hope. I have been on bedrest for quite a few months. While I’m not bored, the pain levels are pretty unconscionable and keeping my spirit up has been a mighty challenge.

From my own calculus: if I do need to go back to Duke, I want to know I gave my body a full shot.

That way, if – IF – things go awry again during a procedure, I won’t be able to look back and say, “should have given it a bit more time.”

***

So where are we now? It’s February, and almost at my favourite holiday in the world: Vietnamese lunar new year or Tet. An amazing reader named Wendy just sent me a pic of lamp in my name from her family’s temple in Malaysia, a New Year wish of health and prosperity. Lunar new year was a time for reflection and cleaning and cleansing for my years in Asia, and I’ve kept that spirit during my return to Mexico and Canada. New Year starts in a few days, and with it I hope a better climate for healing.

I have seen such progress since the re-leak, progress I didn’t see when first in bed in 2017. I keep flipping into high pressure as it starts to seal, then unsealing. It may be that I need intervention after all, but I still have hope that the JodiDura-that-could comes through this winter. I’m eating a strict and healthy diet, meditating, visualizing, consistently working to bring my mind into a better space.

If I can’t seal during the winter, it certainly won’t be because I didn’t try.

Learning to be the Tortoise

There once was a speedy hare who bragged about how fast he could run. Tired of hearing him boast, Slow and Steady, the tortoise, challenged him to a race. All the animals in the forest gathered to watch. Hare ran down the road for a while and then and paused to rest. He looked back at Slow and Steady and cried out, “How do you expect to win this race when you are walking along at your slow, slow pace?” Hare stretched himself out alongside the road and fell asleep, thinking, “There is plenty of time to relax.” Slow and Steady walked and walked. He never, ever stopped until he came to the finish line. The animals who were watching cheered so loudly for Tortoise, they woke up Hare. Hare stretched and yawned and began to run again, but it was too late. Tortoise was over the line. After that, Hare always reminded himself, “Don’t brag about your lightning pace, for Slow and Steady won the race!”

The moral lesson of the Aesop’s “Tortoise and the Hare” fable is that sometimes you can be more successful by doing things slowly and steadily than by rash action. The race (of life) isn’t necessarily won by the fastest or strongest animal, but by those who persist in the face of obstacles – including the obstacle of time.

I undertook my life in the stubborn spirit of the hare.

I went to law school straight from grade 13 (CEGEP, in Quebec) because someone bet me I couldn’t get in. I took a job in NYC because on my first day of law school, someone said, “you don’t deserve to be here. Go back to high school where you belong. And don’t bother getting a job in New York City – you’ll never succeed.” When I quit my law job, it wasn’t for a two month trip, it was for an open jaw adventure to Siberia that unfurled into a glorious and food-filled new career.

My identity for years was the lawyer who quit her job to eat soup. As I’ve laid in bed on and off since 2017, I’ve watched the travel industry and my fellow writers move on with their lives. Mine feels very stuck. I am very unused to not being able to solve problems by DOING, and it is a monumental shift in my mindset. Above and beyond the leak, my health will require a different way of approaching work.

Apparently it’s time to be the tortoise.

Tortoise pic from one of the first adventures in my round-the-world trip: the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador

I’m still feeling around the edges of what that means for me. Sealing and healing will require me to change a lot about how I approach work and achievement, because excessive doing is a surefire way to undo my progress. There’s a lot here I hope to write about in the future, about learning to get under your mind and into your heart.

About listening to your body before it’s too late.

About not necessarily taking every bet that comes your way as a life challenge.

For now, though, I don’t know what I will redefine life “as.” I trust that it will unfold in its own way. While mourning the life I had, I also feel curious about what comes next.

But first: this leak in my spine needs to be firmly sealed for me to get walking again.

***

Thank you all as always for the caring notes, the questions, and the overwhelming support and love. I am extraordinarily lucky to have such a robust army of cheerleaders around the world.

Many of you have dedicated your meditation practices to my health, and for that I am grateful. I do plan to restart the group meditations next week, on Sunday February 10th. If you are interested in joining, the first 7 weeks are here, and you can enjoy any of the meditations as the tracks are all on that post.

I have been meditating alone here, but with all that unfolded I couldn’t manage the group ones during the holidays. I appreciate how many emails I’ve received asking when they’ll restart, and I am so glad many of you find them helpful and a source of light.

I haven’t written publicly in a long time, but typing this post out with my thumbs felt very good. I missed it. And though I would still be writing if no one was reading, I’m glad to go through this very tough journey with a community like you to help make things better along the way.

Jodi

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