#yes i am the hot (not a) girl in your compsci class

[aaaaaaaaraaaaaraaa]

I made one (1) excel formula time to retire into the woods and rot

[bucknastysbabe]

Rating: Explicit

Tags: College!au, modern!au, nerd loser baby Criston, loss of virginity, hot stem computer partner girly, older girl, Alicent for the win, short n sweet n smutty, pnv!sex, first dates, Criston’s inner dialogue, subby lil baby

Taglist: @bambitas @fallingintoyourlilaceyes @aemonds-holy-milk @targaryenbarbie @starogeorgina @moncherrii @valeskafics @arcielee @lovelykhaleesiii @sugarpoppss2

A/N: shout-out to @fairysluna “he looks like a loser who jacks off to hentai but I’d fuck him.” I made the divider :)

Criston knew he was a fucking incel. Maybe at some point in his miserable life he could’ve done a sport and use his decent height and muscle tone. But no, he was cripplingly shy and had a stutter that took forever to get rid of— sometimes rearing its ugly head when he was angry or flustered.

He spent his time studying, playing league of legends, and jerking off obscenely to hentai. Yes, the Japanese porn comics. It was easier to ignore how pathetic he was reading those or talking to a chat bot that thought everything he said was hot.

Criston thought best to keep under the radar, head down and attentive in his classes. One day he’d be a rich computer scientist Silicon Valley type and then he could just, like, have the girls come to him. Because he’d be rich. No longer weird, ugly, and a huge VIRGIN. He felt like it was stamped on his forehead. Or perhaps his was the Star Wars buttons on his jacket— that’s a big cue.

He tucked a dark hair behind his ear, shaking his head. Another year, but one less until he could move on in life. Cole was glad he was in college, it was scores better than the constant bullies in highschool. It was his second year now and he was ahead of schedule. He’d be in an upper level compsci class with some juniors or seniors.

Scary.

Maybe there would be some other weirdo girl like him that would take pity and they could fuck, then go to Thursday’s Dungeons and Dragons like it never occurred. He’d like that. Swift and easy. Erryk Cargyll and Elinda Massey did that. But the only girl he considered ‘friend’ was Alicent and he was pretty sure she was a lesbian. Also totally not a nerd, Ali was very cool and involved.

He sighed while ducking into a seat. Criston carefully placed his stuff down at the two person desk, focusing on getting the PC ready. The instructions on the board were simple enough.

A waft of perfume and the presence of another body startled Criston. He jumped in place, brown eyes glancing over at the girl- no- woman. She was fucking hot. Like why was she sitting next to him type of hot?

“Hi,” she extended a hand, eyes roving, “Criston!”

“H-how do you know m-my name?,” he echoed stupidly, shaking her dainty hand, eyes comically wide.

She gently let go of his hand after shaking one second too long and giggled, “It’s on your backpack.” Criston blushed bright red and nodded, “Yeah, you’re right, ha-haha?” Oh God he was going to self combust. She was so hot. Like she had these patent leather boots on, a little red plaid skirt, and some tight-ass high-necked white tank.

“What’s your name?,” he managed, grateful the stutter wasn’t making too much of an appearance. She smiled and told him, baring white teeth and cherry red lips. The teacher droned from the front, “Glad you’re acquainted now, that will be your partner for the rest of the semester.”

Cole was going to jizz himself. Not in the fun way? Maybe the fun way? He was terrified. He had to tell the boys on Thursday. The beauty next to him raised her brows and flicked one of his errant curls. She whispered, “Can’t wait, Criston!”

Oh God. Oh God! He wasn’t going to make it.

“Hnghhhh, fuck yes, I am your sempai, mmm,” Criston flopped back from his hentai and laid on the bed, “Fuck. This sucks.” His cock was still hard and nothing was cutting it recently. The twenty year old’s mind was settled on his computer science partner. Who was obscenely beautiful and sexy and smelled good and so so so smart.

Oh. He was jacking off again. Maybe this was what the missing piece was. Criston closed his eyes and began to pump his cock some more, imagining her perky tits bouncing as he fucked her over a desk. He gasped sharply, prick twitching excitedly at something tangible.

He thought about the cute way she’d laugh at his dumb jokes. Or when he’d fix something in a faulty program and she’d purr, “Oh! Smart boyyyy.” He whined through his nose, squirming in place, imagining her breathing that in his ear. Criston cried out sharply, cumming so damn hard spunk reached his collarbones.

He laid there breathless, a dopey smile across his face. She was so perfect. He laid in his post-nut bliss and pondered his partners actions. For a girl older and way cooler than him, she sure did enjoy talking to him, even had his number, and they met outside of class to work on their project.

Could there be? No, no. Totally not.

The nerd thought about the times she blushed or would bat his shoulder. Or the time they nearly kissed putting together a PC. She’d merely laughed and said, “Just have to ask me!” He had a meltdown and awkwardly laughed it off. Criston did the same when she was wearing a low-cut top and she breathed, “I wore this for you today, I know you wanna look Cole.”

He sat upright with a bolt.

“Wait what?” he shouted.

“Shut the fuck up loser!,” came the reply of his apartment roommate. Criston rolled his eyes and blinked a couple more times. He still had cum drying on his shoulders from jacking off about the girl of his pathetic dreams and she might be into him? He needed a long shower and help from Ali— stat.

She came through quite quickly after he sent the SOS message. First Ali wrinkled her nose at his room and complained, “Ugh, I’m glad I brought my candles. It smells like man in here. God.” He gave her puppy eyes until the redhead exclaimed, “What?”

“You gotta help me!,” he pled, “I uh- someone likes me back?”

It was a flurry of cinnamon scented womanly magic after his admission. Bless Alicat.

The auburn haired girl swished through Criston’s wardrobe. She raised a brow at him and asked, “Is there anything in here that doesn’t have a logo or some strange wording on it? I can’t believe you just realized she was into you, I could smack you!”

He sat on the bed, freshly showered and in his briefs. Alicent and him had known each other since childhood— this was nothing new. Ali helped him type out a witty way to ask her out tonight without being too dorky. Criston eked, “I think I have some button downs my dad gave me, but they’re probably shoved somewhere.”

“Aha! Found them, still pressed too. I think this darker tan will look good,” she said while stepping out of the closet. Honors college had nice digs. It did pay to be a nerd. Criston eyed the polo shirt, leagues away from his usual t-shirts and jackets.

Alicent narrowed her eyes. He hopped up and sighed, “Fine, fine, I’m putting it on. Just lemme get the undershirt.”

Now he was clad in a nice top, some not worn-to-death jeans, and his rarely used church loafers. He was a pretty shitty Catholic. Alicent styled his wild curls, giggling, “Look at you go, who would’ve thought, you two are going to be some lookers!”

Criston rolled his eyes and mumbled, “Yeah, hoping she doesn’t mind the big neon-lit ‘virgin’ sign over my head.”

Ali snickered, “Or the nasty cartoons you jerk it too, might wanna get rid of that evidence if you’re planning on getting that far, yeah stud?”

He blanched, stuttering up a storm as she laughed. Criston grabbed all and any evidence of his…prior predilections..and hid them under the bed. In a big lockbox. Then completely wiped his browser history and any suspicious downloads. Fire walled it or whatever.

He sighed again, getting jittery, reading a text from the cutie.

‘Hey handsome, still see you in 30 on the plaza? I’m excited for the pizza and games! 💋’

Criston immediately squawked, “Ali!”

She ‘tsked’ and looked at the text. Then looked back at him with a funny look. Alicent deadpanned, “You’re such an idiot for being smart. I wish half the girls I texted were this forward. Just tell her yes, you can’t wait, you know she’s gonna look gorgeous and throw some emoji in!”

“So you are a lesbian?”

“And you’re not telling a soul!”

They pinky promised, Ali giving him a warm hug and pat on the cheek. She teased, “Luv yaaaa Nerd, don’t forget to wrap it!” He blushed and waved her off. Criston rubbed the back of his neck, glad he had such a good friend. He quickly typed back.

‘Hi- yeah I’ll see you there. I know you’ll be gorgeous, can’t wait xx’

The date had gone great. They didn’t ID either. So beers, pizza, and dumb arcade games they played. Criston probably had her up-down look at him sketched into his mind. She was in a cutesy dress herself, cut mid-thigh and a heart shaped window in the front to show her…assets. Not to forget some Doc’s he would gladly be stomped by.

“Criston, oh my god, you look so cute, who dressed you up,” she pulled him into a tight hug, whispering, “Should I be jealous?”

He sheepishly smiled, “No, just my childhood friend, she’s kinda, we’re not, you know.”

His class partner giggled, patting his chest, “No need, I gotcha. We all need those friends. C’mon let’s go!”

He couldn’t help but goofily smile down at her as they held hands walking to the pizza joint. Sometimes Criston would get so lost in his head and self-conscious, it would seem like he was always underfoot. But tonight, with her, he felt his right size. She grabbed their interlaced hands and pecked his skin, giggling.

Christ have mercy, lord have mercy. He was so down bad.

But as he said, the night went awesome. Conversation never lulled, he taught her the secret to ski-ball, and she schooled Criston in pac-man. He got his first kiss on the walk back, paused at the stoplight, waiting to walk. She pulled back and murmured, “You’ve been the best date.”

Criston, likely all moony eyes now, gushed back, “God, same, really, you’re great you know that? I’m just a bit clueless.”

She shrugged, “That’s okay. We don’t have to know everything.”

They walked near the honor’s college. They both chirped at the same time, “You uh-“ then burst into laughter. Criston grinned and ran a hand through his inky hair. He shuffled his balance and gestured, “Do you want to come back to my room? It’s all clean and female verified.”

“Lead the way handsome.”

Criston was glad for the bit of liquid courage still in his system, kissing and hugging on his ‘friend girl’? She was so sweet and touchy, it was driving him mad. He idly wondered if she was all sweet and adorable like that in bed. Thankfully his dick was tucked away.

The brunette keyed into his room, her arms around his waist, face smushed into his back. The junior cooed, “You smell good, you’re the cutest thing I swear, can’t believe this.” Criston eyed her nervously as he stepped in, replying, “You’re a catch, I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t go for you.”

She straightened up, looking into his dark eyes as she admitted, “No, it wasn’t that I was lacking…just searched for the wrong attention I suppose. You’re actually respectful.”

Criston smiled at that, snorting, “Catholic boy values I guess.”

“Or you are a good boy like I said,” she teased, thumbing Criston’s now-flaming cheeks.

“Can I kiss you again?” he eagerly asked.

They locked lips again, her arms around his neck, Criston tilting his face so his damn nose wouldn’t get in the way. His hands were politely shaking at her waist as they made out. Her tongue softly lapped into his mouth, the man gasping and returning the favor.

She moved his shaky hands down to her ass with a snicker. Criston groaned between kisses as he groped her pert ass— fuck, this was heaven! Cole walked her backwards towards the bed, pushing her back onto the freshly made covers. She smiled up at him, lips plump, the led lights from his room casting a neat glow.

“Come on then, can you get the shoes?,” she teased while shucking off her tight black dress. Criston eagerly dropped to the ground, whimpering as his hard cock painfully brushed against the fly of his pants. He quickly undid the thick boots and neatly placed them to the side.

Coming back up, he got an eyeful of pretty fucking titties and manicured hands on his waist. She purred, “Heard you down there, all good babes?” Criston nodded with a swallow and pathetic noise. She cooed while undoing his belt and pants, reminding him of the button down.

Now Criston’s lean body was on display with her own, only underwear between the two. That was perfectly dandy for him as he clambered over her perfect form, now playfully making out on their sides. Every single time his cock would graze the random throw pillow between them he’d whimper into her wet mouth, growing flustered. The front of his briefs were getting sticky.

He tried to not to rut against it, but he had a handful of fucking tit and her soft lips and noises, and Criston was only a weak little bitch! She pulled back to laugh, “You know, I’d much prefer you fuck me making those cute noises. But that’s up to you baby.”

He blinked owlishly, hand moving up her thigh to ask. “You don’t want me to uh- touch you first?”

“Sweetheart, I’m wet enough as is and we can worry about alllll that other stuff later hm?”

Criston made a gutted noise, nodding. She was right, he’d blow all over himself if he got to feel around her pussy for a bit. He rasped, “Yeah, okay, good- lemme get the condom.” He reached over her smaller frame, digging around the side table for the damn condom, trying to put his bravest face on.

Criston made a little ‘aha’ as he snagged the packet, settling onto his haunches and ripping the packet with his teeth. Meanwhile she undid her bra and shucked down wet panties, the slickness hitting his lean thigh. “Hng-fucking shit!,” the brunette accidentally moaned.

“Yeah babes? That’s all for you, here, lemme help.”

She grabbed the tacky lubed condom, rolling it on Criston, her teeth biting into a plump lip. He shuddered through the movement, taught tummy tensing and rolling as he tried to calm down. “There we go, you’re alright, just breathe sweeatheart,” the girl cooed.

Criston nodded haphazardly, easing himself onto his elbows, staring wide-eyed into her own. He wanted to blab about being a virgin, how he was scared of fucking up, how damn pretty and sweet the brunette thought she was. The beauty pecked his lips and cooed, “I know, take it easy, s’fine Criston.”

He jerkily nodded again, lashes fluttering against the faint neon lighting. Criston grabbed his cock and began to ease it into her, gasping wetly. His computer partner took over from there, wrapping soft legs around his waist, murmuring sweet nothings.

Soon he was seated inside her tight, warm, velvet pussy. Criston buried his face between her tits, sniveling and gasping as he tried to fight off every single nerve in his body screaming to let go. He tried to speak, more of a plethora of strangled whines and whimpers escaping his raw throat.

“Shhh, don’t think so much, s’okay Cris, you’re okay,” she hummed while petting soft hands down his heaving flanks and sides. Plush lips planted a kiss on his suddenly wet cheeks. God he was a mess. A whiny, flimsy, wet mess. The way she was squeezing around him made the rational part of his brain realize she enjoyed the pitiful sex still.

“Hn-okay? I- uhohgod- okay?”

She smiled and kissed him, the heels of her feet ushering Criston on. He began to pump slowly, liking the way her soft moan made his chest puff in excitement. The brunette began to build a decent rhythm, panting and moaning between sloppy kisses. He got lost in the feeling, truly.

Soon the cutie was gasping and begging, “Don’t cum yet, j-just, Criston, touch my clit, it’s the nub at the top, yes!, right there!” He listened carefully, thumbing at her swollen nub, panting like a racehorse between suckling at budded nipples. He’d ended up at a breakneck pace, completely over any pretense he was going to make a manly noise tonight.

Criston fought off his orgasm, although it was on top on him now. He moved his lips to hers again, swirling his thumb, thrusting his slim hips into perfect goddamn pussy. He gasped, “Oh, oh, oh God, m’gonna cum baby, m’gonna cummmmm!” The boy would definitely never admit he somewhat squealed.

His cutie whined excitedly under the loud sounds of the bed creaking, lean hips clapping into her softer flesh. She begged, “Right there sweetheart, mm, good boy, good boy! Right there with you!” She clung to his shoulders and tightened down, chanting Criston’s name like a litany.

Criston Cole was pretty sure he saw God when his balls drew up and he slammed back into her welcoming pussy. Sure, there was a condom, but the sophomore’s ears still rung with the choir of angels and he probably sounded like a slip of a thing getting her cunt pounded but it was worth it. So very worth it.

He kept playing with her clit until she milked him, again, crying out happily, throwing her pretty hair back and groaning throatily. “Ohhhhh, f-fuck, oh my god, mmm!,” he eloquently replied to her, feeling another little peak pass through his overstimulated system. He collapsed against her soft frame, panting softly, whimpering every other breath.

Oh god he was crying, this was not the time to be— oh she kissed it away.

“That’s alright baby, you did great, Mhm,” she hummed and nuzzled against his face.

Huh. Maybe he was in love now. Fuck hentai.

[lithalwrites]

A University Story

It was the start of a new academic year, and there were new faces on campus. Fresh-faced students eager to fill the lecture halls and learn, make friends, and have a good time. And having a good time included exchanging all gossip that trickled down to them via the gossip ladder. There was always someone who had very good connections with upperclassmen, and that person always seemed to know all about everyone. It was advantageous, then, to be friends with that person. Or with someone who was friends with that person. After all, what is life without the excitement of knowing things about the personal lives of others.

One of the freshest and most exciting bits of gossip floating around was that there had been newly hired professors at the school, some of whom were quite young. And of course, with the promise of relative youth, there came a hope for something else.

“I hope the prof is hot,” said one student to another, and several others agreed.

“I’ve heard the new chemistry prof is really hot and also young,” another student piped up. “I hope I’m in his section. It’ll be a reason to go to class.”

“Which one? Dr. Kuroo? I’ve heard the same about him. I can’t wait for lecture. Only reason I’m looking forward to chem, honestly.”

“I heard he’s married, though.”

“I heard he was single.”

“I hope so.”

“No, I’m pretty sure he’s married.”

“Yeah, and how do you know?”

“I saw him walking from the parking lot with his wife. She’s a prof in the department of pharmacology, and she was also hired at the same time as him.”

“Damn. I hope you’re wrong about it though.”

“Don’t we all.”

And so the gossip and the rumours flourished as the days passed and the first day of classes approached. The university had never seen this level of enthusiasm for a first year chemistry course. When the day came for the first lecture, every single seat in the lecture hall was filled, with the women vastly outnumbering the men, when Kuroo walked in.

He looked at the class, and beamed. “Welcome to Chemistry 101, everyone. I’m Tetsurou Kuroo, and I’ll be your instructor this term. I’ll answer to pretty much anything you want to call me, as long as it is not unprofessional.”

He was pleased with the attendance for his class, even though he hadn’t expected this large of a divide between men and women despite having been warned by the course coordinator. It would be an interesting story to share later.

Since it was the first lecture, he went through the course outline in detail, and started on a review of what his students should have already covered in high school.

“Does anyone have any questions before we end for the day?” he asked the class five minutes before the class was scheduled to end.

There was a beat of silence, and then a hand shot up. It was a cheeky looking student with a cheeky smile on her face. “Hi Dr. Kuroo. Are you single?”

“Ah,” Kuroo said. He was a little surprised that a student would ask that question so boldly in a full lecture hall. He could see several people lean forward in their seats in anticipation of the answer. “When I asked if anyone had any questions, I meant questions related to the course content. But just this once, I will entertain this question. I am not, in fact, single. And I will not be answering any more personal questions in class or during office hours. I would like to be your friend, but we have to remember that this is a professional setting.”

Having suitably responded to the nosy question, he told the class to have a nice day, and then headed to the computer science building. Since the fastest way to get to the computer science building was through the medical sciences building, that was what he chose, and found himself running into Shimizu.

“Oh, hello,” she said with a small wave. “Lunch?”

“Yup,” he answered. “Just had my first lecture. It went as well as it could have, really. Now it’s time to eat.”

“Are you done for the day, then?”

“I have to sit in my office and answer a few emails. I doubt any students will show up since it’s only the first day of class, but I have to be there anyway, just in case. No meetings today, so it’s going to be pretty boring. How about you?”

“I have my lecture in an hour, and then I get to take off for the day. We should get lunch together at some point,” she suggested.

“Sounds great,” Kuroo agreed. “Let me know when’s good for you.”

Shimizu nodded, and they headed their separate ways. The rest of his walk to the computer science building was uninterrupted, and soon he found himself in front of Kenma’s office. He knocked.

“Come in,” Kenma’s quiet voice answered. “Oh, it’s you.”

“I’d think you’d be more pleased to see me, everything considered. I’m hurt, Kenma,” Kuroo said, entering the office. He placed a lunchbox on the desk. “Here’s your lunch.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize I forgot it,” Kenma said. “Thank you. How was class?”

“It was pretty good, all things considered. One of the students asked me if I was single at the end of class.”

Kenma raised his eyebrows. “What did you say?”

“That I’m not, and that I wouldn’t entertain any more personal questions. So hopefully that doesn’t happen again. Are you ready for your lecture?”

“Yeah. It should be fine. It’s just an intro lecture, and I’ve got my material ready.”

“That’s good.”

 “Did you hear about that girl in chem 101 who asked the prof if he was single?”

“For real? What did the prof say?”

“He answered the question, but also told us not to ask more personal questions.”

“Probably a good idea. What was his answer though?”

“He’s not single.”

“To be expected, I guess. But sad. So do we know if he’s actually with one of the other profs?”

“Bets are on Dr. Shimizu from pharmacology still. I saw them talking in the hallway.”

“They could just have been…talking, you know? Like colleagues do.”

“Yes, but they’re in completely different departments.”

“True.”

“But there’s more investigation to be done.”

 “Shimizu invited us for dinner with her. Are you good with tomorrow evening after work?” Kuroo asked Kenma a week later. The lunch plans had turned to dinner plans, since Shimizu was dealing with problems with how her course was being run.

“Ah,” Kenma said. “I have a meeting with my teaching assistants tomorrow evening. You two can go ahead without me.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll join some other time.”

“Okay, I’ll let her know then.”

 “It’s for sure Dr. Shimizu.”

“Hmm?”

“That Dr. Kuroo is married to. Someone saw them having dinner at a restaurant downtown.”

“Oh. Interesting.”

 “Knock knock,” Kuroo said, knocking on Kenma’s office door.

“Come in, Kuro,” Kenma answered, sounding fondly exasperated.

“Here’s your coffee,” Kuroo said, plopping down the coffee on Kenma’s desk.

“Thanks. I needed that. There’s so many kids coming to my office hours. I don’t even know why. It’s only been two weeks.”

“It’s because they love you,” Kuroo said. He opened his mouth again, but Kenma interrupted him.

“Don’t say it.”

“Awww,” Kuroo said, but complied. “I should get back to my office. I have a meeting with a student soon.”

 “Dr. Kuroo spends a suspicious amount of time with that compsci prof.”

“Which one?”

“The new one.”

“What’s suspicious about it?”

“I’ve seen them have lunch together, get coffee, and sometimes they even leave together. I park in the same lot as Dr. Kuroo, and I’ve seen them get in the same car multiple times.”

“Aren’t you being a little too nosy?”

“Yes, but what if he’s cheating on Dr. Shimizu with the compsci prof?”

“That’s quite the accusation. And we don’t even know for sure that he and Dr. Shimizu are married.”

“Yes, but I’m pretty sure they are.”

 “I sat in on a compsci lecture with my friend, and the prof dropped something. Guess what it was?”

“I don’t know. Tell me.”

“It was a wedding ring! On a chain. It must’ve not been clasped properly. But it was most definitely a wedding ring.”

“So he’s married. What’s your point?”

“That means, if he and Dr. Kuroo are having an affair, they’re both cheating on their spouses.”

 “You picked a really nice restaurant,” Kenma said, looking around at the place Kuroo had chosen for the night.

“Thanks. The food is supposed to be really good, so I hope it lives up to the hype.”

“I’m sure it will.”

“Don’t worry, I also baked apple pie for later.”

Kenma smiled. “Excellent.”

They ordered their food, and chatted about various things as they waited. When the server showed up with the food and placed it in front of them, she didn’t leave right away. In fact, she looked like she had something to say to them. Kuroo looked up at her.

“Is something wrong?”

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I feel like I can’t not say something.”

“Okay?” Kuroo said, exchanging a confused glance with Kenma. “What is this about?”

“I’m in your chemistry class, and this is very inappropriate, sir!” the server said, gesturing vaguely.

“I’m sorry? I don’t think I understand. What’s inappropriate?” Kuroo asked, even more confused.

“Cheating on your spouse!” the server said, looking distressed.

Kuroo was taken aback. “Excuse me?”

“You’re both married!”

“Yes,” said Kuroo slowly. “We are.”

“But you’re on a date with each other,” the server said.

“Yes,” Kuroo said.

The server flailed again, as if they should see what the problem was. “But you’re both married!”

“Yes,” Kenma spoke up. “To each other.”

The server blinked. “What?”

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” Kuroo said. “We’re here to celebrate our wedding anniversary.”  

The server turned red with embarrassment. “I’m so sorry. I’ll leave you to your dinner. Happy anniversary.” With that, she walked away as quickly as possible without actually running away. Kuroo had a feeling that they would have a different server for the rest of their meal.

“That was something,” Kenma said.

“It certainly was. It’ll be quite the story to tell people,” Kuroo laughed. “Happy anniversary, Kenma.”