#yes he's a little dram queen

[cornyonmains]

Something I really like about Only Friends is the characters are so complexly written and layered that I kind of wind up being an apologist or detractor for all of them at different points in time. I don't really have a black and white view of the characters, which is usually the only thing you have in BL.

Top's a fuckboy with substance abuse issues. But also, he seems like he genuinely wants connection, and I feel bad for him sometimes because it's so clear he wants Mew to be affectionate with him, and Mew just isn't.

Mew is controlling. A giant walking defense mechanism that can't connect will with people. But also, he's surrounded by people who don't have his best interests in mind, and as he's opening up, we're seeing that he's not some criminal mastermind. In fact, that's the mask. The real Mew is just some dumb college kid who's into a guy he's scared of being vulnerable with, because he's never caught feelings he couldn't control. It's so obvious someone messed Mew up REAL GOOD.

Boston is.... He's an objectively terribly human being. He's also a miserable human being though, a lot like Ray, and he places so much of his value on sex he doesn't know how to make meaningful bonds. It's clear he's nuts about Nick, that he wants to monopolize his affections and attentions, but he doesn't know how to translate that into something healthy. Like Mew, his relationship with sex is fucked, and at the core of an inability to bond. I actually think he's jealous of Mew because there's a parallel there, but whereas Boston is derided for his relationship with sex and inability to connect, Mew is praised. Boston is a shit human being, but he is to be pitied.

Ray's kind of a dick. He's self-centered, won't take no for an answer from Mew, he has substance abuse issues, and saying Sand wasn't his boyfriend because he's holding onto that hope for Mew was fucked. But he's also got major depressive disorder, his parents sound like real pieces of work, and Khao does such a great job of conveying his fragility you can really sense how close to just breaking apart he is. He fucks up, but you still want him to get to a better place.

Sand, oh dear god, this boy has my heart. He's not perfect. Yeah, he sells hooch, he smokes weed, he parties. But he's got flaws too. He works too much, his head's in the clouds, he's destined to wind up on a sexiest mugshots website, and he falls too hard, too fast. He lets himself get led around by the nose by Ray. Sand's the easiest character to like on this show. He's got a hustle, but he's also got 'dude I wouldn't be deeply uncomfortable to be in a room alone with' energy.

Nick's not completely guiltless with his relationship with Boston. I've got a soft spot for him because he's a sweet, quiet kid, and I have a habit of adopting introverts. But he's not like Mew, he knew his way around both dick and dicks from the start, and wasn't blind to who Boston was. He bugged the car. That was a little too extra. I still wanna buy him cheeseburgers and tell him these boys ain't shit though, because he's so miserably in love with Boston, and Boston might be up front with him, but he's still stringing him along, telling him what he wants to hear, and giving more when Nick expresses interest in seeing other people. Was recording Boston and Top some pure creep mode shit to do? Yes. But do I support him using the recording to put Boston in his place? Yeah, I do.

Cheum is another easy to like characters, but we don't get to see much of her, so aside from simply liking her dancing queen energy, I can't really make an assessment. I like that she's the only one in the group actually helping Mew with the project. Also, I laughed when she clocked Ray as most fuckable. Most queer woman would agree, and Jojo is out here making us feel attacked.

Anyways, in summation, I'm thinking of opening a GoFundMe to get therapy for fictional characters. I still can't believe we've got 7 more episodes of drams to get through.

[toa-fera]

Toa Hamlen, leader of the Toa Fera

Toa Hamlen, once a Toa of Sonics and the embodiment of Protection and Justice, is dead.  In his place is a twisted shadowy figure who failed.  At least that’s what the matoran say.

In fact Toa Hamlen is still very much alive and well, and is still protecting his island home from the shadows.  Unfortunately due to an accident several hundred years ago his mask became corrupted and stained with darkness, slowly and surely draining him of his light and elemental abilities.  While he still retains a bit of his elemental power, he has forsaken the light and the Toa code due to his past, but still continues to protect the matoran as he does still care about them, and it is what his brother would do.

He was once paired with another Toa of sonic whom he considered his closest ally and confidant.  They were like two sides of the same coin, twins if you would.  However, after his corruption a mistake made by his brother, and distrust of Hamlen by the matoran they were protecting led to his death.  Now Hamlen carries around a carved replica of his brothers face where he keeps his brother’s mask. (not pictured, I have misplaced the mask and as such can’t put it in pictures yet)

Hamlen carries a sword that is a twisted form of his beloved brother’s weapon, and a blaster of ~Yet to be determined lore~ Although he rarely uses them

Hamlen after years of his corruption has developed retractable claws and has become obscenley skilled at using them.  He fights with ruthlessness and wild vigor, aiming to kill any enemy he fights unless he sees that they can be redeemed.  Using nothing but his claws and masks he has defeated a Rhaski piloted by a Shadow Krata, and an entire swarm of bohrok single handedly.

Ultimately He hates being corrupted in this way and wishes he could undo what has been done to him. 

Over the years he has met other Toa who have been deemed failures and they have joined together to form the Toa Fera.

This Moc is my selfmoc, and the prototype for a revamped Toa Mata project i am working on.  He is fully poseable with waist articulation, and has a dual arm gear function that has great friction making a whole bunch of poses possible.  The other members of the Toa Fera are planned to be the prototypes of other projects i have planned, so I will introduce them in the future when I finish them.  If anyone would like to hear more of the lore, or see a breakdown of the build let me know!  I’d be happy to oblige.  Eventually I will post those Toa Mata Mocs I mentioned above, and Mocs of Hamlen and his brother pre corruption, but I will also likely spam a lot of this guy too.  I love him.

I am also working on an entry to Duckbrick’s fannon contest, so stay tuned for that i guess?

Credit for the waist articulators you see used goes to; https://board.ttvchannel.com/t/toa-orde-the-first-man-ver-bu-moc-for-canon-contest/61223 (I dunno if I used the exact design, but he did inspire them)

The name Toa Fera btw means Failure Toa, which I was able to form thanks to the Matoric Dictionary found here; https://at.tumblr.com/outofgloom/an-etymological-dictionary-of-matoric-third/6b72o29memf7 (thank you so much outofgloom!  i love this dictionary and am attempting to learn matoric thanks to it!)

Final picture;

*Paint me like one of your French girls*

[onlymexsarah]

Can we please get more Prince Friedrich? Maybe meeting his family

Prince Friedrich | The sweet taste of sin

I had few informations so I let my fantasy take the control. I hope you like it, otherwise write me and I’ll do something else for you😘

MAIN MASTERLIST

Summary: Kinda the Sequel of “Prince Friedrich | Jealousy” Prince Louis Charles and Duchess Frederica of Prussia come at the end of the season to see their son and meet y/n Bridgerton, the lady who had taken the heart of the Prince, but there is more…

Pairing: Prince Friedrich x Bridgerton!reader

A/N: so I made some researches about our lovely prince Friedrich and I found out that he never become a king because he was the cousin of the actual King, and now everything makes sense to me. Also, I’ve learned that the Prince’s and Duchess’ marriage wasn’t a happy one, because they didn’t love each other :( Prince Luois Charles should be dead, he died three years after Friedrich birth, but it would be too much complicated so we are going to pretend that we sucks in history and none of us knew it, alright? ;D

warnings: my english :)

PREQUEL 1 - PREQUEL 2

Here we are, the end of another scandalous London season.

Surely, it has not been boring for everyone. We had found out the diamond of the season, and found out that sometime a pearl can take the most requested heart.

The Duke and Duchess of Hastings are organizing evrything for the last ball of the season, how many scandals it will bring to us?

There are rumors about a separation between the two; was their love just a flame that with the first rain had been turned off?

Well, what we know is that the Duchess’ sister, Miss Y/n, is still enjoying her newborn love with her Charming Prince, and I am more then happy for them.

It seems that Duchess Frederica and Prince Louis Charles of Prussia are coming to visit our lovely Queen Charlotte and their son, Prince Friedrich, is this the only reason? Lady Y/n Bridgerton had been seen quite nervous in these days, fear to meet your future father and mother in law, dear?

What I know far now is that the Prince hasn’t proposed yet, and this could bring doubts in the mind of a young Lady in love. Instead of walking between the streets of the city, the Prince had invited her to see the Palace’s garden more often, but don’t be surprise if you find yourself in front of them; it must be remember that Lady Bridgerton is still one of us, she can’t stay away from her normality too much.

I ask myself what the Royal Family will think about that...will they accept her or they will take the Prince away to return in Prussia and found themself a wife for him?

When it will happen, I’ll be the first to find out. But no need to worry our future Princess, you will charm the Duchess and the Prince as you had charmed Prince Friedrich.

“‘Normality’? Now being normal it’s bad’“ you said offended looking the paper in your hands.

“I am sure she meant nothing bad, my dear.” said your mother sweetly sit in front of you. You were drinking tea at the park all together, your family and Friedrich. He insisted to spend time with them to know all your brothers and sisters, and you couldn’t be more than happy. There were times when Hyacinth and Gregory weren’t polite and quiet as all of you, but he didn’t mind instead he started to play with them or just listen what they had to say.

“There is nothing to worry about, Y/n. In this months I learned to ignore Lady Whistledown’s words if they are not nice things toward someone.” Friedrich said resting his hand on yours that was on the table. You smiled to thank him turning to focuse on the paper resting now on the table in front of you.

“Lady Whistledown had written only good things about you two, sister. I think she likes you, together.” Colin said standing behind your mother chair looking the children in the park.

“Yes, I know...” your voice was a whisper and yu weren’t sure if he had heard you, but you couldn’t move away your eyes from Lady Whistledown’s words. Will Friedrich’s parents accept me? I am not a princess, how can they like me?

Since you knew about their arrival the doubts started to hunt you day and night. The dram of thr last night kept repeting in your mind; you had arrived at the Palace to meet Friedrich, but in the Great Hall you had seen him and Cressida getting married telling the guards to take you away. You knew she would be a better princess then you; she had the behave and the submission that you had never had. You couldn’t deny thet they would be a perfect couple together, but yet he had chosen you and the fear that he might see the mistake he had done when you’ll meet his parents scared you.

The Prince saw a shadow crossing your face while everyone started talking again. You were in your own world with the eyes focused on nowhere and an empty smile on your face.

“I would like to take Miss Y/n for a walk, if you agree Miss Bridgerton.” said Friedrich kindly. Hearing your name woke you up from your trance looking him first and then your mother.

“Of course you can, Prince Friedrich. Y/n is not the one who likes stay sit for a long time.” she said happy. He had always made sure to have her approvation for everything you did together; he valued her thoughts as much as Anthony’s.

“You are right, mother. I find the walks very healthy, indeed.” you took Friedrichìs hand that was kindly offered by him to help you to stand up. Intertwining your right arm with his, you started to walk hearing the footsteps of his guards behind you. They never left him evem when you had lunch at your house, but you didn’t mind, it was for his own safety and you didn’t want anything to happen to him.

After a while, when your family was out of hearing, he took an orange lily at his right and raised it in front of your face. “A flower for your thoughs.”

You took the beautiful flower in your hand with the first true smile of the day. “Thank you, my Prince. I am sorry if I’ve been revelead to not be a good company today; just...”

“Thoughs.” he finished your sentence understanding. It had already happened sometime that the two of you finished each other’s phrases; it was lovely for the other people and funny for you. “They might be about what Lady Whistledown wrote? When you call me ‘my Prince’ means that something if wrong.”

You brought the flower at your nose to smell its perfume. “Well, I like how it sounds, my Prince.” you smiled amused seeing him lowering his head and laughing. “But it’s not just that. Lady Whistledown had been in our life since months now, I’m used at her words...” you took a breath looking around. “Your father and mother are coming... They might expect that the one who took the Prince’s interest is at least a princess as well, but they are going to see that I am just...me.”

“I stop you here, dear.” he stopped in the middle of the little bridge of the park bringing you in front of him. “They don’t expect nothing if not what my letters said about you, and you know who they are going to see?” he took the flower from your hands breaking the stem and slowly putting the lily in your hair over your ear. His hands made you feel butterfly in your stomach; you didn’t know what your body desired, but you were sure that the little few times he had touched you weren’t enough. “They’ll see that the woman who took my heart is the most clever, beautiful and wonderful woman in the world. Because this, my dear Y/n...” he brought your hands to his mouth kissing them sweetly making you blush with a shy smile on your face. “is who you are.”

“I do not know what I did to deserve your heart, Friedrich, but you took mine long time ago, and I know there are no safest hands that could hold it.” you both stepped closer at the same time finding yourself with only few inches between your bodies. Your chest were almost touching, his breath a little above your lips and your hands still in his big ones. His big blue eyes didn’t leave yours, looking for few seconds your sweet smile.

“I promise you that I will take care of it as you are taking care of mine.” after a while still looking in each other’s eyes, you started to walk again laughing and joking and at the end of the day you felt more relaxed.

You slept all night, and when in the morning Mary, your waitress, came to wake you up you had almost forgotten Lady Whistledown’s words and you were ready to see Friedrich and apologies for the behave you had the day before. You were worry for nothing, even when Mary dressed you and styled your hair who you saw in the mirror was a Lady who looked like a swan in her dress.

When you entered in the living room all the eyes were on you; your brothers stood up quickly while your mother hid something behind the pillow of the couch. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes sister.” “Nothing wrong.” “You look nice in that dress.” they said almost at the same time nervously.

“You are odd.” you said shaking your head and walking toward your mother. “What is happening?”

“I have to tell you something, my dear. Sit down, here.” you sit on the couch beside your mother still confused by the reaction of everyone. “You see, we had found out a thing...you don’t have to-”

“The Duchess and the Prince are here in London!” yelled Hyacinth excited. Your breath froze, the air seemed to be stone because you coudln’t move and all your eyes could focus on was your mother in front of you who now was yelling at your little sister.

“Mama, tell me they are not the Duchess and the Prince of Prussia.” she looked at you sorry trying to find the right words to calm you. “Brothers! Tell me they are not.”

Benedict and Colin ran away from the room closing the door behind them and blocking Anthony with you. He turned around with a nervous smile on his face studying your body language. Impossible. You have grown up hiding your true feelings, with a smile on your face and ready to nod whenever you didn't share the same ideas of your interlocutor because you were a woman, and you had to appear polite not smart. But in a family like yours you couldn’t care less, indeed Anthony could see the bright light of the fear in your eyes.

“Yes, dear sister, the Duchess and Prince of Prussia are arrived tonight. Lady Whistledown talked about it in her morning paper.” he said walking toward the couch that was in front of the one you and your mother were sitting on.

“S-so they’re here.” you looked your mother terrified. “Friedrich said that they would have spent the first few days at the palace or around the city, so I don’t need to worry for now.”

The door opened and one of your manservant enterd in hurry. “Lord Bridgerton, Lady Bridgerton, Miss Bridgerton...” he bowed to all of you. “Prince Louis Charles and Duchess Frederica of Prussia have requested your presence tonight to dine with them at the Palace.” your eyes got wider froze on your seat unable to say something. “And...Duchess Frederica had requested your presence personally, Miss Bridgerton. She wish to know you better and...talk.”

His and your mother’s eyes were fixed on you while Anthony looked in your direction with the corner of his eyes trying to not laugh at your terrified face. “Tell them we will be there.”

The manservant bowed and walked away closing the door behind him. That day all the housemaids, waitress and waiters had the orders to help Anthony, Lady Violet and you in any ways possible to male sure that you would be ready for the dinner with the Royal family. No one questioned your absence around the house, they were all to busy to notice it.

You were in your room, sit on your bed looking the wall opposite of you with Mary beside the mirror waiting for your orders. Nothing was worse than think that all your time with Friedrich, all your laughs and your conversations could be swept away just with a worng word, awkward movement or with the wrog dress.

The fear of losing Friedrich was more painful than you expected. It wasn’t because he was a Prince, no you couldn’t care less about his title when there were just the two of you together. You liked his company, his humor and you had a thing for his voice; sometime happened that he told you thing in german making you loose your mind. You felt save around him, and it wasn’t because the guards always with him, but you knew that he would never let something happen to you; he would protect you with his own body if neccessary. And then, there was the physical part; you liked his eyes, his curly blonde hair, you liked his being taller and muscular than you, you liked when his big hands took yours or when he would put his hand on your wait during a dance. He made you feel strange feelings in your body, feelings you could not tell anyone about.

You..you loved him? What was love? Love was the one that shared your father and mother; love was the feeling that kept together your family; love was Simon who married your sister to not let her fall in a scandal; maybe love was Colin who would refuse to dance with any ladies to dance with Penelope... you were sure that love was the smile on your mother’s face at the wedding of Daphne and Simon.

Was love the flower in your hair? Was love the book on your bedside table that had a sweet note from Friedrich? Was love the fact that he forbide to you and your family to bow when you meet? Was love the shivers you felt on your back everytime you were extremely close to him? Or when he spoke in your ear?

You weren’t sure if what you felt was love, maybe the love arrived after the marriage, or maybe after the first child, but something strong must precede it, right? The same strong feeling you felt inside your chest all the time you thought about him. If it was love, if there were a thiny little chance that what you felt was the true love that mother used to talk about then you had to fight and keep it. No Prince, no Duchess and no Queen could take it away until you said so.

You stood up walking in front of the wardrobe opening it and then turned around to look at Mary whose eyes were already on you. “Mary, I want to look like a princess, tonight.”

“I promise you, Miss Bridgerton, you will be the most beautiful Princess that the world had ever seen.” she said smiling and starting to search the right dress among the ones that your mother made you buy from the modist.

“I’m fine with just the England and Prussia.” you smirked slyly.

Hours passed and finally you were ready to take the carriage with your brother and your mother. Benedict spoke to you before your departure, complimeting your beauty and reassuring you that everything would be fine.

He was right, you were beautiful. Your dress, long and bright blue Bridgerton had gems on the top and the bottom was simple but elegant. You didn’t want to wear to much jewerly, they weren’t your type, so instead you decide to wear a necklace choker with a small diamond in it. Your long arms were free and around your shoulder was a shawl of a colour little more lighter than your dress.

When the door of the throne room opened in fron of you the nervouness made you almost faint. Sit on the thrones were Queen Charlotte and a beautiful woman you suspected to be the Duchess; Friedrich was standing beside the Queen and his father beside his mother.

“Your Majesties: Lady Viole Bridgerton, her son Lord Anthony Bridgerton and her daughter, Miss Y/n Bridgerton.” the guard announced you. You three walked toward the throne smiling even thought you didn’t know who to look at, so you watched the Queen and the Duchess until the end and then, before bowing, you looked at your Prince who was already looking at you and both of you smiled at each other.

Staying bowed in front of the Queen felt like the day you’ve got present to her along with Daphne, but this time Prince Friedrich was there and coming to your side he offered you a hand. You took it and stood up smiling at him. Even thought you charmed him with everything you did, he didn’t want to see you bow in front of him; it seemed like everytime you did it a wall grew up between you two.

“Your Majesties, it’s a honor to all of us to meet you.” said your brother raising up beside you with your mother.

The Duchess stood up and with her husband walked toward you. You couldn’t read their expression at all. The Duchess was a beautiful woman with long blonde curly hair and the Prince was as tall as his son with white hair and a kind face.

You smiled trying to relase your nerves, they both seemed kind and Friedrich spoke about them a lot so yoi kinda knew that they weren’t difficult people, but still their looks made you feel a bit uncomfortable.

“Friedrich didn’t give justice at your beauty, sweetheart.” the Duchess said smiling allowing you to leave a breath of relief.

“You are too kind, Your Grace.” you smiled shyly. You didn't know what to say or what to do, should you say a compliment as well?  

"It's a pleasure meet you, Miss Bridgerton. My son talked a lot about you, all good thing of course.” said his father smiling and kissing your hand.

“I’m flattered, Your Grace. I hope Prince Friedrich didn’t lie too much.” they laughed and invited you and your family into the dining room. You and Friedrich walked together behind your brother and his father and in front of your mothers while the Queen led you through the halls.

“Prince Friedrich?” he asked looking at you with a eyebrow raised offering his arm to walk closer.

“They are the Duchess and Prince of Prussia, I cannot call their son by his first name. It’s inappropriate!” you said amused intertwining your arms together, enjoying that little touch.

“Are you nervous?” he asked kindly giving a quick look behind; your mothers were speaking together whispering and looking at the two of you.

“Why should I? There is my brother, and there is you at my side. I have everything I need right now.” you miled seeing his face light up.

“Then I promise you I will never leave your side until you order me so.” he took your chair like a gentleman helping you to sit and then he sat beside you.

“I think you will have to keep your promise for a long time, Friedrich.” you gave him a sweet smile before looking the others at the table.

The Duchess was sit in front of you beside your mother, you were between Friedrich and your brother while the Queen and the Prince were at the two heads of the table. You offered a smile to everyone noticing that the Duchess’ smile never left her face while you spoke.

They made you questions, what you liked to do, where you met Friedrich and the Prince asked you to tell them about your travel with Colin leaving you surprise by such kindness and curiosity. Friedrich took every chance to speak with you and your mother, wanting to make both feel comfortable, but the Duchess commited herself in a lot of conversation with you.

Once the dinner was ended you hoped that you and Friedrich could have time to walk away like usual, but the Duchess surprised you again.

“Miss Bridgerton, can I have the honor to walk with you a little?” she asked making your eyes grew wider. Friedrich tried to say something but his mother sushed him. “Don’t worry Friedrich, I only want to know her without you men around. Come sweetheart, you can show me the garden.”

You gave a smile to Friedrich trying to reassure more yourself than him. You walked with the Duchess out of the dining room with two guards behind you. “Your Grace...just know that the honor is mine...” you said shyly trying to break that silent.

“Please we are alone, call me Frederica now. My husband is the one who follows the rules.” she took your arm kindly, but you could feel that it was different from when was Friedrich the one who took it.

“I am not sure if I can do it, Duchess.” your sincerity made her laugh.

“Friedrich told me that. You are really a sweetheart, aren’t you?”

“I hope so, You Gra-F...Frederica.” you got out into the garden. The moon was full illuminating all the flowers and the fountains.

“You learn fast! Come, sit down with me. Here, good.” you sat confused starting to wonder the real reason of that walk. “Now, I wished to speak with you alone for a long time.” you nodded to let her keep going. “My son is a charming man, and many women fell for him even before knowing his title. Hi’s handsome, I’m aware of that, but still his heart is kind and big and it’s my duty as a mother to make sure that it will not break for the wrong person. So, I can trust you and leaving his heart in your hands?”

“Of course you can, Your Grace. I have no desire to make Friedrich unhappy or even break his heart. I would never, never do such thing. ” your heart was beating faster and faster afraid that one wrong word and the Duchess would walk away forbidding you to see her son again.

“Good! You can come back to my son then, I’m sure he is worried for you. I’ll stay here to enjoy this beautiful night.” she said relaxed looking the sky. You watched her astonished...did she really believed you? Didn’t she need a speech or a proof?

She seemed so in peace with herself, like that was the happiest moment in her life. You could run away, you could return to your Prince and spend time with him. It was what your body wanted, indeed your legs made you stooding up and walking away. Few steps and your consciouness made you stop, you couldn’t leave her there with just those words.

“Your Grace...” she looked at you like she was already expecting it. “My father died when I was little...I don’t have many memories with him, he was a busy man, but I knew he loved all of us.” she smiled sweetly taking your hand to make you sit again. “I grew up with the stories of my mother about how much they loved each other. It was my favorite tale when I was little and my biggest dream now...you see, I don’t know what is love, I don’t know how to recognise it, but I promised to myself that I would have married for love, the same love that my father felt for my mother and vice versa, the same love that keep my mother waking up every morning alone in the same bed she once shared with the love of her life.” the Queen had tears in her eyes with a hand in front of her mouth. “In your son I found a friend, I found someone with who I can share interests and hobbies. He makes me feel above the moon, and I hope I do the same at him...I don’t know if this is love, but I assure you that nothing will change my feelings for him and could God never forgive me if I will break his heart.”

She hugged you, strongly and warm as your mother was used to do. It didn’t feel strange that the Duchess of Prussia was hugging you, it felt like a second mother. “My marriage was not for love, but I made sure that Friedrich knew the meaning of it. My biggest desire is that a day he would have what I didn’t, and I think I can trust you, dear Y/n.” she smiled wiping away the few tears she had on her cheeks. “Go, we have made my son waiting enough.” you returned inside laughing with the Duchess leaving all of the people inside the living room speechless. “Oh, hi honey. I’m sorry if we did late, you two will make up for the lost time in these days. Now it’s late, should we going to sleep?”

“I agree, Your Grace. Come Y/n, it’s quite a long journey.” said your mother standing up from the couch looking for Anthony who was speaking with the Prince.

“At this time the street are dangerous, Lady Bridgerton. Are you sure you don’t need some guard with you?” asked Queen Charlotte concerned.

“Thank you, Your Highness, but I have to refuse your offer.” Anthony said bowing and taking his hat.

“Such nosense! The Palace has hundreds rooms at least, you could stay here for the night.” Prince Louis suggested looking Anthony for his approval.

“It’s too much, Price Louis. We don’t want to disturb Your Highness even more.” he said polite looking the Queen.

You and Friedrich shared a confused look, what if you would spend the night there? You could see him in the morning and maybe he would walk you at home to stay together longer.

“In some way or another Lady Bridgerton we are destined to be family...” the Queen said looking at you and Friedrich quickly making you both blush. “So I don’t see any problem to let you sleep here for a night. Prince Friedrich wuold never forgive me if something happens to you.”

With astonishment in the face of all of you Bridgerton, the waitress showed you the rooms where you would stay. All the three of you got separeted at some point and you had no idea where were the rooms of your brother and your mother; you didn’t even know where you were.

Your room was huge, full of paintings and books. There was a canopy bed in front of you, the blankets were white, pure as a flower that must be took yet; just like you.

You let your hair free from all the haripins, the long waves caressed your back while you let the dress fell down. You took the corset away, breathing again like you had been drowing; you would sleep in your petticoat that was of the colour of your dress.

Once the curtains were closed, you were ready to go to sleep when you heard someone knocking at your door. Sure that it was your brother or your mother you went to open it before gasping in surprise. Friedrich was in front of you, not in his usual uniform, but with a simple beige shirt and black pants.

“Y-your Gr...I mean Friedrich. I didn’t expect you to come here.” you were afraid; afraid of how easyly seemed in that moment to fall and commit a sin without being seen, and you couldn’t let it happen.

“I know, I am sorry to disturb you. I wanted to make sure if you were ok...I don’t know what you and my mother talked about...” he said smiling. You let out a breath; of course he wasn’t there to tempt you, his intentions were true and it wasn’t his fault if you felt such strange feelings inside you. He wasn’t aware of the battle your body was having with your mind.

“You are so kind, Friedrich. I am more than fine, your mother is really the sweetest person I’ve ever met.” you offered him a smile. “I thank you for your though, but it would be not appropriate if some one see us here alone...”

“I-I know and it was not my intention to insult you in any way coming here. It felt strange being in the same place but not being together...I missed you, Y/n.” you felt your heart melt at his words making you close the door behind you so that you were in the desert hall together.

You took his hand bringing it to your cheek. You close your eyes for few moments enjoying his warm against your skin. “I missed you too, Friedrich, but I had to assure your mother with some business.”

You smiled to each other while he came closer to you with a step. You had never imagined that being at the same distance as when you dance would be different if you two were alone. There was no reason to stop, there was no reason to compose yourself if no one would be able to see you, and you were scared that there was nothing to hold your body to take what it craved so much.

He kissed your hair letting your forehead restin on each other. You noticed that his breath had got heavier just as yours and you had to close your eyes to focus on the situation and not on his lips so close to yours.

He cleared his throat caressing your cheek with his thumb. “A proper gentleman would leave, wishing you a good night and telling you he would wait the morning to come so he could see you again.”

“And a true Lady would thank you for your words and praying to the morning to come faster so that the hours spent alone wouldn’t be too much.” you whispered taking big breath. You felt something tickling inside your stomach, your legs shaking and shivers were emanated from his other hand that now was gently rested on your hip.

“Can...can you hear someone approacing? Listen carefully.” both of you staied silent trying to control your breaths so that you could hear better.

No noise arrived at your ears, only the whisper of the night that brought sinful suggest. You shaked your head slowly, not wanting to break the silent that was hugging you, hiding your bodies from the people out there.

He opened his mouths few times, trying to say something but the words died in his throat. He was distracted by so many things...your skin under his hand, the blush on your cheeks... he was drunk of your parfume and your breath on his lips was like a magnet to him; a magnet too strong for his own soul.

He brought his lips on yours, slowly and kindly, leading you on the street of the pleasure. Your body was completely under his control; your hands went to caress his hair while his hand that was on your cheek lowered slowly on your neck. His thumb kept moving on your skin while the hand went on the back of your neck, knowing that you would not be the first to break the kiss, but keeping your body hypnotized by his touch.

He kept his movement slow even when the kiss got deeper. You were sure he knew what he was doing, because when you felt your legs shaking even more he made your back rest on the door closed behind you.

Your body knew what to do, your lips moved with his like it was something you had done every day, and oh god you wished you could. Now that you had tasted him, now that you were feeling his lips on yours and his hands touching your body like he never did, you wanted more. You were sure that you couldn’t have enough of him from that day on, because once you know the sweet taste of a sin, you can’t stop.

[ot5ismyhome]

Bloodbound Chapter 1 - THE INTERVIEW

After the short into let’s delve into the story.

Introduction

*****

The night sky was cloudy and the moon rarely peaked out of the clouds. It cast a dark shadow across the land. Everyone was asleep except the big mass moving on the streets. The group was getting larger every minute. More and more people joined the crowd. A single man was walking in front of them; leading them. He was leading them towards New York. He was clad in black hoodie and black jeans. His long hair peeked out of the hoodie framing his face. His eyes shone blood red.

The alarm jolted Wanda out of her disturbed sleep. She has had vivid dreams but that was nothing compared to the one that she woke up from right now. She pushed the image to the back of her head and looked the clock. The red digits reminded her it was time to get out of bed. It also brought back blood red eyes from her dream. It’s only a dream she said to herself as she headed into the bathroom to get ready.

She turned on the shower and let the water run down her body. The warm shower took her mind of the dream. She thought about the interview she has to attend today. She was excited and nervous at the same time. She had been preparing for this. She had aced the written exams and prepared well for the interview. She had dreamed about this job and it was finally within her reach.

She washed herself and got out of the shower. She picked out a nice outfit for the interview. She wore a white semi-formal shirt with fluffy sleeves and grey checked pants. She made her way to the kitchen. Her twin Pietro was making scrambled eggs.

“How are you feeling?” he asked when he saw her.

“Nervous, sweaty and about to break down any minute”

“Perfect. Now pull up a chair I will make you some breakfast”

“I am too nervous to eat, Pietro” Wanda excused. But the blond dragged her to the dining table.

“Stop whining and eat something”

Wanda poked her tongue out at Pietro which made him chuckle. “No way you are getting you out of this, red. You aren’t skipping breakfast today”

“Okay, mom.”

Wanda shared with Pietro her weird dram. He consoled her saying that it was due to her nerves. He assured her that it was nothing to worry about. Wanda nodded to her brother but wasn’t fully convinced.

At Rogers Innovative

“Good morning, Mr. Rogers” greeted Coulson. “This is your schedule for today” he said as he placed a tab in front of Steve. He continued, “The interview for Personal Assistant is at ten” as he arranged the flies in the table. Steve was really grateful that Coulson had stepped up to help him. As the Head of Communication, he doesn’t require to act as Steve’s assistant but he was more than happy to help him out.

Steve uttered a thanks towards Coulson and then turned to Natasha. “Do you want to accompany me to the interview?”

“I don’t want to scare the poor thing that comes in today” chuckled Natasha

“Anyway, I’m going to scare them away in a few months. I don’t know how it slips out every single time.” He sighed.

“There are rumours that the position is cursed” added Coulson with a giddy smile.

“I know. This is the last time I’m hiring someone. If this goes wrong then I am never hiring a Personal Assistant”

“You’re such a drama queen. You just need to learn to be secretive and get better at lying.” interjected Natasha.

He rolled his eyes at her and shot back, “If I had learnt from the best I would know”

She simply shook her head and got up. “I got a clinic to run. Bye, kids.”

…..

Wanda walked into the conference room and took the seat opposite to Mr. Rogers. The warm ambiance of the room seemed to calm her. She took in the details of the room. Other than Steve one other person was present. He looked calm and bore an ever-present twinkle in his eyes. The conference room was very plain except for the paintings that decorated it. Some of the paintings seemed quite an antique. She thought to herself that it would have cost him a fortune to commission a painter to duplicate it. Then it struck her that a man with the wealth of Steve Rogers could buy the very original. She let her eyes wander the painting for a moment then turned to the man in front of her.

Steve gave a warm smile which she returned. “Shall we get started, Ms. Maximoff?”

“Sure, Mr. Rogers”

“I’m quite satisfied with your resume. And you also did well in the written exam. I have to say that you seem determinant to get this job. Can I ask why’s that? Why do you want to work here?”

“It’s not a mystery that Rogers Innovative is one of the leading companies paving way for pioneering ideas and efficient future. Many companies do promise that but only a few manage to pull through. I think your company is one of the few. I feel working here will give me an opportunity to contribute for that future.”

“You do know that this post requires irregular working hours, right? Are you ready to put up with that?”

“Yes. I consider myself adaptable so it won’t be a problem”

“Give me a reason why I should select you over others who have much more experience”

“I am getting the ambience you’re looking for younger minds, Mr. Rogers. You need someone with new ideas. Someone who knows little more about the never changing world. So, a young mind would be a perfect applicant. We are also ever changing and eager to learn.”

“I have to say I’m impressed with the way you’re handling yourself. But these are not the questions that is going to determine your job. I have one final question for you.” Wanda nodded in response.

“Let me tell you a story first” stated Steve as he directly looked into the red-haired women’s eyes. “Once a man was granted three wishes by a genie. For the first wish he asked for endless wealth and good health. He got what he asked for but his entire village was touched by famine and pestilence. Then he asked for immortality. He became immortal but death claimed his family. What do you think his third wish should be Ms. Maximoff?”

“His last wish should be to kill the genie” stated Wanda. From the look on Steve’s eyes she knew this wasn’t the answer he had expected but she continued. “The man could try to undo his last two wishes but there is no guarantee the genie will not twist that finial wish. It would be intelligent of the man to kill the genie so no one else befalls his unfortune.”

“That’s quite intriguing”

“I’m not finished yet, Mr. Rogers. If I may continue?” she raised her eyebrows expectantly. When Steve gave a curt nod she proceeded, “But I think his last wish was to undo the first two wishes. He is a human after all. Most of the time we dwell on the past thinking of what could be and could not be. We would give away anything to change the past. Even though there are mighty chances of failure we hang onto the tiniest amount of hope and try to make a better world for ourselves. So most probably he chose to undo his last two wishes.”

Steve hadn’t expected this answer. The deeper thinking of the young woman brought a smile to his face. “You will be functioning as my personal assistant, Ms. Maximoff. You should know that it will take a lot to keep up with me. You’re welcome to join The Rogers Innovative.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Rogers.” Wanda was elated. She had dreamed of getting the job but she never though Steve was going to hire her on spot. She giddily shook Steve’s hand and repeated a thanks.

“Call me Steve. I will send someone to give you a tour of our company. You can wait in the lobby” he assured. She gave a wide smile as she collected her files and exited the room.

The rest of the day was a dream come true for Wanda. Steve had sent an employee to give her the tour of the building. She had thought that it would be just a formal tour. But they made sure she had visited every room in the building, from cafeteria to laboratory. By the end of the day she thanked them and left for home.

Chapter 2

[nancywheelxr]

For a prompt (if you’re still taking them): Rosalie x Bella but the setting is The Secret History?? Yes that is purposely vague because I’m interested in what you’ll come up with.

Oh my god, these are two of my favorite things, I absolutely love this prompt and I really hope I’m making it justice to both Donna Tartt’s writing style and this premise! 

( also, let’s just pretend there’s no murder or incest because. well. i didn’t want to include that. vampires is dram enough. )

*

Bella had not planned ahead of Hampden.

The idea alone of getting here had been a long distant dream, unattainable in its difficulties, and yet, after barrier after barrier were dropped by what had then felt like the invisible hands of Fate– she found herself overwhelmed by its uneventfulness.

That first week, she had passed as if in a dream, haunting the halls of her dorm in search of something to do, someplace to be. Jessica Stanley, the girl who lived two doors down her own, had done her best to entice Bella into embracing the nightlife of the campus. "A party or two won't kill you, Bella," she had said more than once, red nails glinting in the ceiling lights, "aren't you like, from California or something?"

In hindsight, one might say it could’ve, it did. At the time, though, Bella had not corrected her, too conflicted between Forks and Phoenix, two towns so unlike one another, she wondered what that said about her.

In any case, maybe that's why she had been so drawn to them in the first place. When placed against the grey backdrop of cloudy Hampden, their mismatched group had seemed to glow, lighthouses in the underwhelming sea of students.

Honestly, how could Bella not be hopelessly drawn?

She had seen Emmet first, his large figure standing out in the crowd, laughing at something, loud and careless, and his beer had sloshed dangerously closed to spilling from the crytal-clear glass in his head. That, too, had struck her as odd, even then– a glass cup in a dorm party full of red cups– and to this day, Bella could map out the way moonlight had glistened on his pale skin, a Greek statue, fluid and alive. She hadn’t approached him that first night, even if her eyes lingered on absurd difference of his posture and Jessica explained in excruciating details who he was and why she should not get herself invested in a lost cause, but after noticing, after knowing about them, Bella couldn’t help picking out the flashes of their presence all over the campus.

Next, came Alice, a nymph of a girl, with her pixie haircut and bubbling smiles, floating through the grass in strange clothes that made her look inexplicably ethereal, half-there, half-somewhere else. The first time she saw her, Alice had an umbrella over her head in the rare sunny day, and Bella had thought it strangely endearing, smiling to her book as Alice breezed past, the faint smell of cherries and lavender following. Later, she would find that Alice had not taken that path through the grass by chance, but a deliberate attempt at seeing Bella in person, in the present, living and breathing and alive.

Then, there had been Edward. This one had been nothing but luck, or, as Bella had been rather inclined to believe at the time, Fate or something of that effect. His red hair had been a flame of color in the library, making his hesitancy at the threshold all the more noticeable, and Bella had taken in his pressed shirt and dress shoes and prayed fiercely he’d find another empty seat that wasn’t at her table. With a pained expression, Edward had sitten down across her, his hold on the edges of the desk white-knuckled, and it had not taken him fifteen minutes to abruptly stand up, chair screeching on the floor, and dash out the open doors. Bella had tried not to take it to heart and failed– if this were to be her first impression with the mysterious Classics class, she couldn’t bear to think of her odds of enrolling.

Of course, one can not forget the twins. Jasper and Rosalie Hale. The similarities between them were easily spotted from a distance– both are golden-haired in a way that glimmers in the light as if true gold, curling at the ends, and regally tall, heads held high as if bearing an invisible crown. Apollo and Artemis, side by side, their divinity like a halo shimmering in the air around them. Jasper with his melancholic eyes and perpetually haunted expression thrives in the gloom of the town, a true Byronic hero in his quiet demeanor and bottomless devotion towards Alice.

And Rosalie– here, Bella can’t find the words to accurately transmit the truth. How can one describe true divinity? How do you explain the exhilarating surprise of finding the closest thing to a goddess in modern times? Anything Bella could say is inevitably tainted by her own biased view; Bella could never be neutral when it came to Rosalie, not even in the beginning, not even now. Ice queen, Jessica had called her, but Bella had never agreed with that description– queen is too little a title for Rosalie and how can you blame a deity for not concerning herself with mortal affairs? Just the idea of Rosalie in a house party is enough to send Bella into a laughing fit, no matter how many years go by.

So yes, Bella had been a bit in love with the Classics class before she had even knocked on Carlisle door, but no one would ever be able to claim her heart and soul quite in the way Rosalie did, not then, not ever. 

Perhaps, it's only that in the same way things often do, that group lost shine when looked from up close – once she was side by side with them, it was easier to see them as people rather than the cryptic image they telegraphed. Not that she loved them any less; again, as things often do, her love just shifted.

Still, it wasn't easy. Carlisle turned her down twice, warmly polite every time, before yielding to her stubbornness; privately, Bella thought it was her love for Paradise Lost that did it, not strictly a Classic, but a personal favorite of Carlisle nonetheless. Of course, years later, she'd find that while quoting Dante did work to endear her to him, it had been Alice's pleading that solidified his decision, her talks of future days, laughing in a town by the woods, a fireplace running while music played quiet.

Never let it be said that Carlisle doesn't put his children's happiness above everything else.

That had been about two weeks ago. When Bella walked into class now, the scene she finds while looking fitting for a renaissance painting, was rapidly becoming normal for her. Edward and Jasper sitting on their desk, speaking in low tones with eyebrows drawn together, worried and fearful and terribly melancholic, tragic heroes of the turn of the century, Emmet playing on his phone, the electronic chime drifting jarringly in the picturesque atmosphere, Alice glancing up from her magazine, clippings scattered around her desk, and grinning up at Bella just a second too soon to be a coincidence, hair spiking at all directions, a nymph stranded in the city, her magic wild on her eyes, and finally– Rosalie, sitting on the window sill and looking out at the fields, face impassive, the sun catching in her hair like golden threads, a perfect statue, and Bella wonders if this is what Paris saw every time he walked into Helen's tower; if so, it'd make sense for him to go to war over it.

Bella took the desk closest to Alice, skin burning in a way it shouldn't, not when it was untouched like this, and her bones sang to find a different direction. These first few days, they were wonderfully confusing, and there were times she wished to go back to them, to the simplicity of ignorance.

But then, of course, Rosalie would press a kiss to her lips, drinking the nostalgy out of her mouth, and Bella would forget why she'd look at the beginning as anything other than that– the turning point of her life, the starting of something new.

[libidomechanica]

Of all the roast beef I have given ichulle form

Of all the roast beef I have given  ichulle form hair—her Cheek  was in his warm lands to  truth, Down her changed there, with  us, and written in her  counts my Pegasus should ever in 

sad rimes to rent her that lyues  on innocent tantalisation, till  I tellen, in the prente of  hypocrite? unsullied into  all our destined not for  queen the games. To pleasure 

yield. “Awa”, awa, ye ill or married  each night to mute despair, I dram  o gude stout aik, the lower  on the jewelled that would  not by Sun or Glasse lights still has gotten?  Firhád, Moulder, give you, soon madden 

nevere be a bank of vainely  spenta. Than my oer the  Sunne, to purge from Female loss, or  find somme han that when  thy Turn Well may be the least beneath  to truth is, of the 

harm than in the Bunsen  burnes; I can do. If every  deel. They durst his changing like virtue  wore, his way. Speak to me some of  our brother ties come far frae  my deeds. Whose Bliss is murder us? 

And ’“gainst thou dost those limping through the  heede hem happy! Besides the  foaming on from the balance  upon the blacke the ice;  in thy hand is een woe that burns!  Is by the mortal Paramour — 

this the sound! And I call meet  the darken above your child withered  coats look upon that in that  keep thyn habitacioun, to goon a- caterwawed. By our lives  of our Life to 

keep the little pool left to  us: and walls so fine needy honours  her hair and through the blacke  then I looke, lest Glory end whan he saugh  hym go after thy neglect of  a subscribes form      wearing planet fix my 

words, per days, to love –” I holde I beren  hem reverence; the tides, of  such as thou first are for no  man was happy Eternity.  Which in the  Lord Jhesu shortened death may se, 

for whether dreamed of  a subscription or upsets  a throng, and certain rills in you  grew wide lea; with his heart and  miles on the wheel  at midday, set for one of 

a make, longe a verray God a  proverbes n of others temperate  seas, nor disciplined his bonny  son was dry as a man.  Such pure pearly lawn, the youth, where  thyng we did make of Ecclesiaste where 

I my heart receivest, and seemed to  worship that buyldeth hir  soule be infant charge But I I can  make of which would lengthen out  of. safe within Oneself—To  Do, not a quantity 

of goode men, an Charlie, hes two hours  appear but down her you w as a small. And trewe, and never  a primate upon papers with  empty. I giue my Rosalind,  and contrarius; mercurie love, mere loved.

[olicitysecretsanta]

Love Has Everything to Do With It

This is for Kim (@iwannabewithyou-unsafe)! Merry Christmas! I hope you have a wonderful time over the holidays! I apologize if you are unfamiliar with theater, but it was something that I couldn’t get out of my head! Please enjoy!

~ Darlene (@nerdyandturdy)

****

Summary: When Oliver gets himself into too much trouble, he’s forced to join his school’s Drama program. He ends up being paired with Felicity Smoak, the genius of the school, who does not take an instant liking to him.

Note: There are some bits in the middle of different scenes in this fic. Some are scripts of scenes from the play, and some are lyrics from songs from the play. The first song is “What Do I Need With Love?”, the second is “Jimmy”, and the last is “Gimme Gimme”. There also may or may not be a recording of the original broadway performance on youtube. And some experiences I wrote in this (something about a laundry cart maybe) are from real experience from when I did this play in high school.

****

“Mr. Queen, until you’ve proven to us that you won’t be pulling any more of your antics… you’re off the hockey team.”

Oliver can’t believe it. He’s the star player of the Starling Academy hockey team. They can’t kick him off the team! He’s a senior! It’s his last year playing because his parents ship him off to whatever Ivy League school they throw their money at.

Oliver desperately looks at Coach Diggle, who is leaning against the wall of Principal Waller’s office, his massive arms crossed over his chest, but he just shakes his head in shame. So Oliver turns toward his mother next to him, but she just closes her eyes and lifts a hand to rub her temples from what he assumes is another Oliver-induced headache.

It was just a little harmless… late night drinking… on campus.

Well, okay. Maybe not his best idea, but Tommy had dared him! It’s not like they predicted that campus security would show up at their secret spot on campus, leaving Oliver’s drunken self to pee on the security golf cart.

Tommy had gotten off with a suspension earlier that morning, but Oliver gets kicked off the team just a few weeks from the start of the hockey season?

“This is so unfair! Come on, Amanda…” Oliver tries to charm his way out of this, but a perched eyebrow from the woman across the desk forces him to correct himself. “Principle Waller… Don’t you think suspension is good enough punishment? That’s what you gave Tommy!”

“No, actually. Mr. Merlyn hadn’t been caught as a minor well over the legal alcohol content,” Principal Waller says, almost smirking at Oliver’s rising desperation to salvage his hockey career. “You’re lucky the guards had recognized you and didn’t call the police. As a favor for the Queens making so many donations to Starling Academy, we thought it best to keep this quiet.

Oliver avoids his mother’s intensifying gaze as she says, “Yes. Oliver is very grateful for your discretion.”

Slouched in his chair, Oliver avoids meeting anyone’s gaze. But a punch from his mother has him rolling his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, thanks…”

“Try not to sound too happy, Mr. Queen,” Principal Waller snarks. “We’re not done here yet.”

As if she’s been waiting at the door for her cue, another woman walks through the office door. It’s Lyla Diggle, the Starling Academy Drama Director and Coach Diggle’s wife.

“Good morning, Principal Waller, Johnny,” Lyla greets. She then turns to Oliver’s mother and nods. “Mrs. Queen, nice to see you again.”

His mom stands and shakes Lyla’s hand. “I wish it could be under different circumstances, Lyla.”

Lyla glances at Oliver with a look of disappointment, causing him to sink further into his chair. He always liked Lyla. Whenever the hockey team had barbeques in the Diggles’ backyard to celebrate a win, she would always be nice to the team, even joking around with them as she and Coach Diggle prepared the food. And when the boys would get a little too rowdy, she’d turn on the “Mom mode” and scare the shit out of them. Having both her and his mother side eye him like they are now might make him regret is night of fun more than whatever punishment they have in store for him next.

“Hey, Lyla… err, Mrs. Diggle.”

Despite the thick tension in the air, Lyla laughs softly. “Lyla is fine, Oliver.”

“So what’s Lyla doing here?”

For the first time since he entered Waller’s office and greeted Oliver with a frown, Coach Digg speaks up. “It’s time you learn some responsibility, Oliver. And you can’t do that sitting at home or in a class you don’t even pay attention to.”

“Yes,” Waller agrees. “So instead of just withholding your diploma from you at the end of the year, since you’re grades are also less than satisfactory, and forcing you to do better so that doesn’t happen, we’re giving you a chance.”

Despite his usual “doesn’t give a fuck” persona, there is a small part of him that cares about graduation. It’s his senior year. No way in hell is he being held back. “What ‘chance’ are we talking about?”

Waller smirks. “As per the Diggles’ suggestion, you will be joining the Starling Academy Dram program.”

Oliver scrunches his face in disdain. “Why the Drama program?”

Lyla answers. “Well, as much as it pains me to say, the Drama department is lacking in some ways, since many of our star powerhouses graduated last year.”

“So?”

Coach Diggle narrows his eyes at Oliver and clears his throat.”

“Um… so how can I help?” Oliver asks. “I mean, I guess I’m pretty good with tools, so if I need to help you build your stage or whatever, that doesn’t seem so bad.”

“Actually, we build sets, not stages, and no we don’t need you there,” Lyla explains.

“So where do you need me?”

Coach Diggle huffs a laugh, confusing Oliver. “Come on, kid. You’re popular.”

Oliver just shakes his head, still confused.

“You’ll be auditioning for a role, Oliver,” Lyla clarifies.

Oliver freezes in his chair, his eyes wide. He barely notices his mom going over the details of his punishment with Principal Waller and Lyla. Or Coach Digg stepping behind his chair and leaning down so he can quietly say to Oliver, “Hope you can sing, Queen.”

… Fuck.

Later that day, Oliver walks down the hall toward the Drama classroom with his best friend, Tommy Merlyn, whose suspension doesn’t start until tomorrow.

His best friend who can’t stop pulling his leg about this whole Drama audition thing. “I still can’t believe you have to become one of those ‘Drama Nerds’ to even come to hockey games!”

Oliver rolls his eyes and sighs for the millionth time. “I know. It fucking sucks.”

“Next thing you know, I’ll see you standing up on tables and breaking into song.”

“Shut up, man.” He shoves Tommy to the side, not noticing another person trying to walk past them.

“What the hell?” the girl yells as Tommy’s body rams into her side, pushing her against the lockers along the side of the wall.

“Oh, shit!” Tommy grunts.

The girl whirls around to them once she gains her balance, giving Oliver the chance to take in her pretty blonde hair and the glasses framing her angry blue eyes. She looks like she’s about to tell them off, but her eyes widen in recognition. Instead of yelling at them like Oliver initially expects, she just adjusts her glasses, which had been knocked slightly askew with the impact of Tommy’s body, and hardens her glare, which is solely focused on Oliver.

“Watch where you shover each other next time,” she warns before stalking off. After a few steps, she glances over her shoulder again, this time looking toward Tommy. “And don’t call them Drama Nerds, Tommy!”

“Sorry, Felicity!” Tommy calls out, causing Oliver to look curiously at him.

“You know her?”

“Huh?” Tommy tilts his head at him, confused. “Yeah. That’s Felicity Smoak, my chem lab partner from last semester. She really helped me pull through with my grades.”

Oliver looks back to where Felicity had walked off toward, but it looks like she’s already turned the corner. That can’t be her. He’d seen Tommy’s lab partner a couple times before summer break started and that can’t be her.

Felicity Smoak is a transfer. One year younger than them but on the verge of graduation because she’s some sort of genius. Oliver remembers her being a tiny dark-haired girl with goggles over her eyes in the chem lab and no way did she have the curves she’s sporting now. From what he remembers, she’d basically been swimming in her uniform. Now, Oliver can’t but notice how she’d filled out nicely.

“I don’t remember her looking…” Oliver tries not too sound to perverted. “… like that.”

“Oh yeah. The blonde hair?” Tommy doesn’t seem to realize Oliver is referring to more than just the blonde hair. “Yeah, she told me a couple weeks ago when I caught her in the hallway that she’d dyed it just before the school year started.It looks good on her”

Geez. Tommy doesn’t get it. Felicity Smoak doesn’t just look “good.” She’s fucking gorgeous. Oliver never thought that Tommy’s late-blooming lab partner would return to school later to mess with his head like that. Oliver is the hottest guy in school and can get basically any girl he wants. Girls don’t mess with his head. If anything, he messes with theirs. But that Felicity Smoak…

Oliver snaps out of his inappropriate thoughts when his best friend claps a hand on his shoulder. “We better get you to the drama room. Buddy. You’re already late for your transformation from king of the school to Drama Queen.”

Instead of pushing him, this time Oliver punches Tommy’s arm with no intent to hold back. “Shut it.”

Tommy winces, but still cackles the rest of the way to the Drama room. When they reach the door, he promptly ducks out with a “See ya, buddy!”

Fucking coward.

Oliver pushes the door open and the chatter in the room dims down when everyone recognizes him. He spots Felicity with a group of other students, sitting around a piano. Without hesitation, she glares at him.

He definitely hasn’t made the best impression on her.

“Ah, Mr. Queen,” Lyla greets from the front of the room. Oliver has the decency to wince at her amused but scrutinizing expression. “So glad you could finally join us.”

There’s a scoff from the general direction of the piano, so Oliver assumes it came from Felicity if the feeling of her glare on him is anything to go by.

It’s probably deserved. He doesn’t even have a legitimate excuse for his tardiness. He and Tommy had just taken their sweet time walking over. But Oliver would rather not admit that he’d just been messing around. “Sorry. I got… lost.”

Lyla raises an eyebrow and hum a “Mhm…”

She clearly doesn’t believe him. And neither do the rest of the Drama Nerds if their snickering is a clue of anything.

“Well, hopefully, your acting skills get a little bit better once we start rehearsing.” Lyla gestures toward an empty seat that, luckily for him, allows Oliver a view of the front of the room and of where Felicity is sitting. “Take a seat, Oliver.”

He nods and heads toward the chair, sneaking a quick glance at Felicity. She’s currently whispering to some scrawny kid next to her.

For some reason, that irks Oliver. Who the hell is that kid and exactly how close is he to Felicity?

Oliver can’t dwell on it for now because Lyla officially starts the meeting.

“Welcome, everyone, to our first meeting of the year!” She begins, prompting everyone, except Oliver, who’s slow on the uptake, to cheer and clap. “Alright, alright! Settle down or else you won’t hear what this year’s fall musical is.”

Immediately, the room quiets down and there’s an energy in the room that Oliver can’t quite connect with. He watches everyone else, including Felicity, basically lean forward in anticipation.

“We will be doing…” Lyla pauses for dramatic effect. “Thoroughly Modern Millie!”

Once again, the room erupts into loud cheers, almost starting Oliver. He sees Felicity adorably fist bump before shaking his head.

When did he start thinking of girls as adorable? The only girl that should qualify as adorable in his mind is his little sister Thea.

Oliver scoffs at himself, trying to make sense of why this girl he hasn’t even officially met yet has got him acting like some middle school boy with a crush.

Oliver Queen does not do crushes.

It takes him a few seconds to realize the room has gone quiet again.

“Is there a problem, Mr. Queen?” Lyla asks sternly.

It’s then that Oliver realizes that the whole room noticed him scoff and completely misunderstood why. He raises his hands in surrender. “No, I don’t! I wasn’t… that wasn’t…”

Why he’s acting so flustered, Oliver doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to credit it to a certain blonde that’s been messing with his head for roughly ten minutes. No. It’s definitely not Felicity, whose icy glare has just gotten even colder the more Oliver opens his mouth, intentionally or not.

“Well, let’s hope your audition doesn’t involve as much stuttering, Mr. Queen,” Lyla teases. Oliver refuses to admit he flushes when everyone starts snickering. “Auditions will begin next Monday. Please prepare a one minute song from a musical or a two minute memorized monologue.”

This time, Oliver manages to withhold his reaction, but he still lets out an overwhelmed breath. He either has to sing with his mediocre musical skills or memorize enough words for two minutes?

Fuck…

Oliver spaces out for the rest of the meeting, too caught up in the sudden anxiety over having to audition. Despite his grades, Oliver isn’t stupid. It was implied that if he didn’t try, he’d be banned forever from the hockey team and would have an even harder time trying to graduate with his class. He has reason to be nervous. Oliver Queen does not sing. And no way will he be able to memorize a whole monologue on top of actually trying in his classes.

Oliver sighs. He’s fucked.

He doesn’t know how it happened.

Somehow between actually managing a C on his history test and practicing for his audition, Oliver had gotten a callback for the male lead.

He probably has Thea to thank for that. At 12 years old, she’s pretty adept with musical theater. Oliver would never admit it, but she has, on occasion, gotten him interested in a couple musicals. She’d suggested he sing the song “You’ll Be Back” from Hamilton, the only musical Oliver has ever seen, and the only musical he will admit to seeing, since the musical has become pretty mainstream. Alongside studying for his classes, Thea had forced him to practice every day up until his audition.

Oliver didn’t think he did that well, but Lyla had apparently thought better.

So here he is, on a Thursday afternoon, reading lines with Felicity Smoak for the lead roles of Thoroughly Modern Millie.

Thea had known about this play already and is apparently a big fan of it. She’d said something about it being the birth of the Broadway goddess Sutton Foster, whoever the hell that is. Oliver listened to her explain that the play is about a small town girl named Millie Dillmount who moves to New York City, looking to marry her rich boss. Little does she know, she’s looking for love in the wrong places.

And that’s where the character Oliver is reading for, Jimmy Smith, comes in. Jimmy, Thea had explained, comes from initially comes off as a jerk who likes to mess around with women.

Now that Oliver thinks about it, this character may not be so far off from him after all.

Did Lyla set this up?

Oliver can’t dwell on this any longer, but he has more pressing matters to attend to. Like pretending to be in love with Felicity.

They have to read a scene that involves their two characters in the second act of the play, when a misunderstanding has driven them apart. They didn’t have to memorize the lines on the spot, thank God, but Oliver is still incredibly nervous. His palms are sweaty and his heart is pounding.

Lyla tells him and Felicity to start whenever they’re ready, but Oliver is far from ready.

It’s one thing to practice singing and saying lines with his little sister. It’s another thing to do it in front of other people and with another person he may or may not be harboring a crush for. During his audition, Oliver thought Lyla would just stick him with some minor role that people would still notice him for, since he had such a lack of experience with theater. So Oliver hadn’t thought much about being nervous. However, the prospect of having to act in front of an audience, no matter how small, has got Oliver bunched up in knots.

Felicity, despite her obvious disdain for having to work with him, even if it’s just for this callback, steps closer to him and lays a comforting hand on his arm.

“You good?”

Oliver takes in her soft gaze, accompanied by a delicate blush on her cheeks. It causes Oliver himself to blush, though he’s still unwilling to admit it’s anything other than a mild attraction to the blonde (and definitely not a crush). Standing there with her, he takes a stuttering breath and exhales through his nose, calming himself down. Then he nods.

“Good. Because you better not mess this up for me.”

That makes Oliver grin.

The next second, Oliver spots the exact moment Felicity steps into the shoes of Millie Dillmount. So Oliver tries his best, for her, to become Jimmy Smith.

MILLIE. I don’t know; you need a stenog? I’m quitting my job. Mr. Graydon isn’t available anymore. He’s lost his heart to—talk about your tangled web! He’s fallen for a friend of ours.

JIMMY. (A guess.)

Miss Dorothy?

(MILLIE nods “yes. “)

Well, I’ll be–

MILLIE. Bitter? No, Jimmy. Don’t blame her. I don’t, I really don’t. Mr. Graydon, either. Love swamped ‘em. We’re too young to live a life of hate.

JIMMY. I agree,

(Leans in for a kiss.)

So let’s kiss and makeup.

(MILLIE turns away.)

Or at least make-up. Maybe our kissing wasn’t such a good idea.

MILLIE. Or maybe you prefer kissing Miss Dorothy.

JIMMY. What are you talking about?

MILLIE. Don’t deny it, Jimmy. I was a little giddy from champagne, but I saw you leaving her room.

JIMMY. What did you think we were doing?!

MILLIE. Gee, I can’t imagine. Not that I need to. She told me everything.

JIMMY. Then you’ve got your wires crossed! Yes. I went to her room last night. I had to talk to somebody.

MILLIE. An intimate conversation, from the looks of it.

JIMMY. As a matter of fact, it was. I’ve been so confused, Millie, so mixed-up. Ever since you tripped me, life’s been topsy-turvy. Like now, for instance… what am I doing on a window ledge hundreds of feet in the air?

MILLIE. Good question. Can you answer it inside, Jimmy? You’re making me nervous.

JIMMY. No thanks. I like the view. The world looks different from up here, Millie.

MILLIE. Better or worse?

JIMMY. You tell me.

MILLIE. It’s just the same skyline I see everyday.

JIMMY. I’m talking twenty stories beneath us.

When they reach the end of the scene, just before the musical number is supposed to start, Lyla and the other judges are clapping their hands. Smiling down at Felicity, Oliver now wonders if Felicity had done any of the school musicals before. Her acting is incredible.

Oliver flushes when he realizes he’s just been staring down at Felicity, so he turns away from Felicity and towards Lyla.

They’d liked it. They’d actually liked it. Oliver lets out a small surprised laugh and turns his back toward Felicity, who sports a relieved smile.

Seeing the joy on her face, Oliver decides that maybe having to do this whole play thing, having to play the male lead, won’t be so bad. Especially if Felicity will be there right beside him.

Two weeks into rehearsal, and it’s painfully obvious to everyone that Oliver hasn’t done this before. He keeps stumbling over his lines, keeps forgetting lines he’s supposed to have memorized or at least familiarized himself with, and he can’t keep a tune if his life depends on it.

After practicing with Thea for his audition, Oliver thought he had some notion of musical talent. But no. He fucking sucks.

On top of that, his grades aren’t too hot either, and he needs to keep those up if he wants to get out of Waller’s radar. He’s got a pre-calc test in a couple days that could be detrimental to his grades if he doesn’t do somewhat well. It’s been on his mind lately, just adding to the stress he has over Millie.

After rehearsal that day, Oliver frustratingly stomps out of the room, too caught up in his thoughts to notice Felicity looking curiously at him. He barely notices her trying to catch up to him in the hallway.

“Oliver, hey!” Felicity calls out from behind him.

Oliver stops in his tracks, surprised. “Felicity?”

Felicity gestures for them to keep walking. They walk down the hall side by side.

Refraining from looking at her as they walk, Oliver focuses on the space in front of him. He sees Felicity lean forward and take a look at his face out of the corner of his eye.

“Rough day?”

“Uh, yeah, you could say,” is all Oliver offers. But the raised eyebrow and tilt of Felicity’s head suggests she wants him to elaborate.

Oliver scratches the back of his head. It’s incredibly embarrassing to admit to the smartest person in the school (who somehow as the ability to take all AP classes, go to rehearsal, and work after school) that he’s failing to do something she could probably do in her sleep. “I, uh… well, I have this pre-calc test on Thursday and I’m kind of struggling to keep up. With the play and everything, it’s hard to juggle learning lines and learning functions.”

Instead of pitying him like Oliver expects, Felicity has something else in mind. “Well, lucky for you, I’m free for the rest of the day.”

Oliver raises both his eyebrows. Looking down at the girl walking next to him, who would usually shoot him annoyed glances whenever they weren’t acting, Oliver makes sure she’s suggesting what he thinks she is. “Meaning…?”

She sigh, slightly annoyed that he’s not getting it right away. “Meaning you’re going to take me to Big Belly Burger in your fancy car, since my mom has the car today anyway, and I’m going to help you study for your test. Maybe even go over lines with you.”

Oliver stops walking, once again surprised. “Why are you helping me? I thought you didn’t like me.”

Now a few steps ahead, Felicity stops as well. She whirls around on her heels abruptly, causing her ponytail to swish in the air and the skirt of her uniform to twirl lightly.

“I don’t,” she denies with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. “I just don’t want you to keep rehearsing like you have been. If you humiliate yourself on stage, you humiliate me. And I won’t have that.”

Oliver still hasn’t moved from his spot, so Felicity walks up to him, grabs his arm, and pulls him toward the school parking lot. “Come on, Drama Queen.”

She ignores his indignant “Hey!” at the nickname. “I’m craving some burgers and fries,” she says. She looks back briefly, the blush still present on her cheeks. But a smirk graces her lips. “Your treat, of course.”

Oliver grins.

Three weeks before opening night, Oliver and Felicity have gotten pretty close.  Oliver no longer gets too flustered by her. Felicity no longer glares at him, save for when he steals some of her french fries at Big Belly.

Instead, they fall into easy conversation, talking about things outside of school and the show.

With every study session they have, every rehearsal, every hangout, Oliver falls in love with her just a little bit more. It had been a crush for her, he now admits, the first time Felicity had told him off. But those feelings had unexpectedly evolved.

Felicity is so passionate about school and this play that he wants to be just as passionate. And she cares so much. Despite that initial icy exterior she put on for him when they first met, Oliver had noticed that she actually cared about him doing better in his classes. She made sure that he didn’t leave a study session confused. She made sure that he practices a scene at least five times. But she also made sure they didn’t focus too much on business. She lightheartedly made fun of him and laughed at him a lot. It amused the hell out him, even when it was at his own expense. When she babbled, he made sure to take in every word.

God, he is so far gone with Felicity.

She really has helped him a lot. While not the best, his grades are slowly picking up to the point that his teachers have started praising him for his picking up his slack after years of not caring. Lyla has noticed how much he puts into rehearsal, having memorized his lines now, perfected his blocking, and having improved his singing abilities.

It earns him a pat on the back after rehearsal and an appreciative nod from Coach Digg whenever he shows up to pick up his wife.

He owes it all to Felicity.

Oliver just hopes it doesn’t end with the show, which is why he brings it up one day when they’re taking a break from rehearsing on the couch of his living room.

“So… have any plans once the show’s done?”

Felicity looks up from the lines she’s looking over. “You mean besides finals?”

Finals come a week and a half after the weekend of the show, so every student is bound to have their heads stuck in textbooks and notes.

“I meant before finals,” Oliver clarifies. “You know, before we all make a home in the library?”

“You’ve never been to the library.”

“Yes, I have!”

Felicity laughs. Then she purses her lips, as if thinking, but Oliver knows she’s only pretending by the smile threatening to break through on her lips. “Hmmmm… I don’t know. I might have plans… or I might not…:”

Oliver playfully stares her down.

Her smile widens and she relents. “Besides a few babysitting gigs and studying, no. Why?”

“Well… Oliver starts, suddenly shy. He begins tapping his knee with his finger nervously. “I was thinking about hosting a Christmas party for the cast. You know… celebrate the end of the show and Christmas before finals and everyone breaks off for vacation and stuff.”

“I’m Jewish…”

“Oh! Uh…” It’s been a few weeks since he’s felt flustered by Felicity. “Holiday party! I–I meant holiday… party…”

Oliver looks down at his lap, ashamed he’d just assumed something about Felicity that is probably important to her.

But then he hears muffled giggling. When Oliver looks back up, it’s to see Felicity attempting to hide her laugh behind her hands.

Now he’s slightly offended. “You’re laughing at me…”

“Stop brooding, Drama Queen,” Felicity tells him, still laughing.

“I wasn’t brooding and stop calling me that,” he grumbles, folding his arms and definitely not pouting.

“Sure you weren’t. And no way in hell am I going to stop calling you Drama Queen, because you are one,” Felicity teased.

Oliver is going to kill Tommy for introducing that nickname to Felicity.

“That’s it!” Oliver unfolds his arms and starts tickling Felicity’s sides.

“No!” she squeals, trying to escape his grasp. Oliver just devilishly grins. “Stop it, Oliver!”

She’s giggling hard and he’s too busy tickling her to notice Oliver’s mother and little sister walk in on the scene, coming from a shopping trip.

“When do you think they’ll get together, Mom?” Thea whispers into her mother’s ear.

“Thea!” Moira quietly scolds her.

What do I need with love?

I got it good

Got it good

But now I got it bad!

Oliver thought he was nervous when he and Felicity had their callback just a month and a half ago. But here he is, incredibly and unbelievably nervous to kiss a girl.

Oliver Queen does not get nervous when it comes to kissing girls. He’s a ladies’ man, just like his character Jimmy. If anything, girls are nervous when it comes to kissing him.

But Felicity Smoak is no regular girl. She’s the most amazing person Oliver has ever met. Even though their kiss won’t be real, that their kiss will be between Millie and Jimmy, and not Oliver and Felicity, Oliver just knows that it will mean something to him.

For sure, it will mean more to him that it will to Felicity.

There’s no way Felicity likes Oliver the way he likes her. She has so much ahead of her. She’s a super genius, looking to go to MIT. She’s passionate and kind. She has dreams she wants to accomplish. Dreams Oliver knows she’ll achieve.

But Oliver can’t be there with her. He’d only hold her back.

Oliver is stuck. He sucks at school. He’s a mediocre actor. He has no plans for his future. He has no idea of what to do with his life. He’s just some selfish rich kid.

What does he have to offer Felicity?

“Hey…” Felicity nudges him with her elbow. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Oliver says, wiping his clammy hands on his thighs. He looks out toward the seats of the theater, avoiding Felicity’s gaze. “Just a little nervous for today.”

“Ahhh… the kiss, you mean?” Felicity tries to act cool, but Oliver can tell by the blush on her cheeks and the way she’s rubbing her fingers together that she’s just as nervous.

The two of them have skirted around the two kiss scenes they have until now, the week before Tech week, the week leading up to opening night of the show. They made the excuse to Lyla that they didn’t need to rehearse that particular part of the first and second acts finales yet. The scene today, the Act 1 finale, involves Jimmy and Millie arguing before Jimmy, in the heat of the moment, kisses Millie.

But with the show so soon, just next week, Lyla insisted they at least try it once before Tech week, so they could be comfortable by the opening show.

So here they are.

“I mean, I’m nervous too. It’s not everyday that a girl like me gets to kiss the most popular guy in school. Not that girls like me can’t kiss guys like you,” Felicity babbles. “I mean, it’s just that typically people tend to shy away from smart people because they feel intimidated but–”

Oliver lays a hand on her shoulder to stop her nervous babbling. At the touch, she instantly calms down. He tilts his head to the stage, where the set pieces are still being built. “Ready?”

Felicity bites her bottom lip and nods.

(The terrace of MUZZY’s apartment on apron in front of main curtain, where JIMMY and MILLIE are in mid-conversation. JIMMY is trying to console MILLIE.)

JIMMY. Aw, c’mon, Millie, you can’t go back to Kansas. You’re an ex-con remember?

MILLIE. I can’t stay here! Not after pouring soy sauce all over Dorothy Parker’s dress.

JIMMY. Explain to me again why–

MILLIE. (For the umpteenth time) I thought it would clean it! That creepy Mrs. Meers swears by the stuff.

JIMMY. (The voice of gloom and doom) You’ll be the talk of the town tomorrow.

MILLIE. Don’t say that!

JIMMY. (A quick recovery)

In a good way. Think of all the people who’d kill to smother Dorothy Parker in soy sauce.

But they can’t, for fear of her poison pen.

MILLIE. That’s what I’m afraid of.

JIMMY. Relax. She’s so plastered, she’ll never remember your name.

MILLIE. You think?

(JIMMY nods yes.)

Really? What a relief!

(MILLIE throws her arms around JIMMY.)

A scandal could cost me my job.

(JIMMY is about to reciprocate MILLIE’s embrace)

Mr. Graydon–

JIMMY. (Recoiling from MILLIE, his mood souring on a dime.)

Is a stiff. Isn’t he?

MILLIE. (An observation, not an attack)

Another crack. Every time I mention Mr. Graydon–

JIMMY. (Very sarcastic)

Can I ask a favor–a really big one, ‘cause I know how hard it’ll be for you–can you not talk about your plan for once?

MILLIE. Why not?

JIMMY. ‘Cause I’m sick of hearing about it. You want to marry a man who thinks of you as a typewriter on legs, be my guest.

MILLIE. Thank you, I will. The new woman chooses reason over romance any day of the week.

(Proudly)

And I’m a new woman!

JIMMY. So why set your sights on the world’s oldest profession?

MILLIE. (A shocked gasp, then a counter-offensive.)

If I were you, I’d keep my trap shut about other people’s professions, Mister “I used to be in paper clips.”

JIMMY. Well maybe we shouldn’t speak at all. Maybe our nightly excursions are taking up too much room on my dance card.

MILLIE. (Rubbing GRAYDON in JIMMY’s face.)

What do I care? Any day now, my time will be consumed by my boss-slash-fiancé, Mr. Trevor Grayson, the Third!

JIMMY. I’m warning you, Millie. I’ve had it up to here with you and Graydon.

MILLIE. Then I don’t know what to tell you, ‘cause I’m going to be his wife. What will you be, butterfly boy? Flower to flower to flower!

JIMMY. You got a problem with that?

MILLIE. I’m merely suggesting that you grow up, skirt chaser!

JIMMY. Gold digger!

MILLIE. Womanizer!

JIMMY. Jezebel!

MILLIE. Casanova!

This is it. It’s time for their kiss. Their characters are caught up in the heat of an argument before Jimmy impulsively plants one on Millie.

So, Jimmy takes Millie’s face into his hands and kisses her.

For one moment, it’s just Jimmy and Millie, letting out that unspoken attraction they have for each other. But the next, as the kiss goes on, Jimmy slips away and it’s Oliver cradling Felicity’s face in his hands. They continue to kiss, deepening it, too wrapped up in the heat of it all to realize it’s time for them to separate.

A cough from the cast or crew, Oliver isn’t sure, splashes water on the two of them. They separate, both of their eyes wide in wonder of what just happened.

Oliver runs like Jimmy is supposed to. But at that moment, he’s not acting.

He can tell that Felicity is just as ruffled by the kiss. The song that follows the kiss is supposed to be one of her best performances, but she’s off her game.

Lyla doesn’t seem to notice, or she pretends not to notice. They finish the scene with Millie mistakenly believing Jimmy is seeing another girl, Millie’s friend Miss Dorothy, played by Kara Danvers, behind her back, but everyone can tell something is off.

They practice the scene a few more times, the kiss now less passionate and more awkward before calling it a day.

Even though Felicity usually walks out with Oliver to the school parking lot, a tradition they’ve developed since that fateful rehearsal, she rushes out of the theater before Oliver has his things packed up, so he has to run to catch up with her in the hallway.

“Felicity!” Instead of stopping, she speeds up. Luckily, Oliver has long legs. “Hey! Hey!”

Oliver sees her take a deep breath and stop.

“Are you okay? I thought we had a study session planned…”

“I–I’m not feeling too well so I think I’m going to head home.” She starts backing away from him and forces an apologetic smile that looks more like a grimace. “Sorry.”

Oliver watches her go with a heavy heart, knowing she’s lying to him.

Jimmy, oh Jimmy, don’t you know

What I can’t quite confess?

So coax me, implore me.

I promise you won’t bore me.

Jimmy, I might say yes…

With just days before opening night, in the thick of the chaos that is Tech Week, Oliver is stressed.

Luckily, there aren’t any exams until finals, and he passed all of his tests thanks to Felicity, so he can focus on the show.

Except he can’t.

Despite having rehearsal everyday now, Felicity’s been distant. They haven’t had one of their study sessions since before last week’s kiss scene rehearsal and hse’s avoided talking to him after.

They haven’t even practiced either of their kiss scenes, the one from last week and the one from the finale. Oliver has a hunch that Felicity somehow convinced Lyla they didn’t need to until dress rehearsals, starting on Wednesday.

From across the theater, as everyone makes preparations for a full run through of the show, Oliver makes eye contact with Felicity. She offers a sweet but awkward smile, not quite meeting his eyes, when he waves. He just barely works up the courage to confront her about what’s been going on between them, but then Lyla calls for places, prompting everyone to start scrambling up to the stage sidelines. They’re busy for the rest of the day.

It’s Wednesday night, and Oliver and Felicity get to kiss again. Twice.

The two of them keep their cool this time, because they’re fully dressed in character and it’s easy to ignore their real lives and fully become Mille and Jimmy.

Still, whenever they’re not on stage, Oliver can tell Felicity’s stuck in her head. But with everything going on, Oliver still doesn’t get the chance to talk to Felicity.

Even after Lyla’s called it a night, he doesn’t get the chance. In the middle of dress rehearsal, the sound and lighting team had run into some serious technical problems they couldn’t quite handle. Felicity, being the genius she is, had rushed toward the booth to help them.

Observing her now, she’s exhausted, not even trying to avoid him when he catches up with to walk with her to her car.

She gives him a tired smile before climbing into her car and pulling out of the parking lot.

Luckily, knowing he’d be exhausted tonight, Oliver had the foresight to arrange for Tommy to pick him up. When his best friend pulls up, he doesn’t hesitate to mess with Oliver

“Did you ask Felicity out yet?” Tommy asks with a teasing grin.

Oliver punches Tommy’s arm when he climbs into the passenger’s seat.

Here I am, St. Valentine.

My bags are packed, I’m first in line!

Aphrodite, don’t forget.

Romeo and Juliet me!

Fly, dove! Sing, sparrow!

Gimme fat boy’s famous arrow!

Gimme gimme that thing called love!

Oliver doesn’t get a chance to talk to Felicity until an hour before the opening show of the weekend. Yesterday, the day before opening, had been chaotic. The stage crew scrambling to finish up the rest of the set pieces. The costume and makeup department making sure everyone had their costumes set properly in their dressing rooms and quick change spots. The props teams lecturing the cast to stop messing around with all the different props. And the cast nervously rehearsing lines, dance numbers, and musical numbers.

There hadn’t been time for a heart to heart. But now, an hour before the curtains open, they have time. They’ve gotten their stage makeup on, which Tommy had relentlessly teased Oliver about when he’d popped in his dressing room for a quick visit, and their costumes set out, ready to put on closer to call time.

He should be nervous right now. Everyone’s been walking around with those pre-show jitters. And Oliver feels that flutter of nerves in his stomach too. But for some reason, he feels pretty calm right now. So it’s now or never, if he wants to talk to Felicity.

Oliver and Felicity have a moment of peace for now.

Except they don’t. Because when Oliver knocks on Felicity’s dressing room door, she answers with an uncharacteristic, high pitched, “Yes?”

Concerned, Oliver opens the door.

Despite the exaggerated stage makeup, the unnatural looking brunette wig she has on, which will be switched out in favor of a bobbed one, and the button down and sweatpants she’s wearing, Oliver thinks she looks beautiful. She always is. Yet, at the same time, right now she looks like a mess.

Her eyes are wide in panic and she’s on the verge of hyperventilating.

Oliver scrunches his eyebrows in concern and rushes to kneel by the chair she’s sitting in. “Are you okay?”

In a weak voice, she replies, “I think I’m going to throw up.”

Oliver starts rubbing her arms, trying to calm her down. “Are you sick? What’s going on?”

“I’m just… just a little nervous. Or a lot nervous. Definitely really, very nervous,” she sputters.

“Hey, hey, hey… You’re going to be. It’s going to be fine,” Oliver comforts.

“How are you so calm right?” she nearly sobs, tears forming in her eyes.

At the sound of her voice breaking, Oliver immediately stands up and pulls Felicity into a fierce, but soothing hug, careful not to mess up her makeup. Almost instantly, Felicity melts into his arms, suddenly not caring that she’s getting some of her makeup onto the white shirt Oliver had planned to wear under his costume. Oliver rocks them side to side as she calms down.

“Believe me, Felicity,” Oliver says. “I’m just as nervous as you are.”

Felicity scoffs, slightly muffled against his chest. “You don’t seem like it. You are way too calm right now, unlike the wreck that I am right now.”

“Okay,” Oliver relents teasingly, “ you are definitely in a worse off state than I’m in right now.”

He knows his tactic works when Felicity softly hits his chest. “You’re supposed to be making me feel better.”

Oliver chuckles. “I’m getting there.”

Well, hurry up already. I’ve got to fix my makeup.”

“Okay.” Oliver steps back a bit, just so he has room to sneak his hands up to cradle Felicity’s face. “You wanna know why I’m so calm right now?”

Felicity nods, pouting slightly as if she doesn’t want Oliver to let go from their embrace.

“I’m calm right now because I know that my partner… You,” Oliver leans forward slightly and looks straight into her wet blue eyes, “are going to kill it out there.”

Her eyes, which had been so filled with worry just moments before, look up at him with the most sincere hope. “You think so?”

“I know so. You’re going to be out there, giving it your all. And you’re going to make me want to give my all, too.”

Oliver looks up toward the ceiling and takes a deep breath, before looking back down at the girl in front of him. “You are remarkable, Felicity Smoak.”

Finally, that beautiful smile of hers graces her lips. “Thank you for remarking on it.”

“It’s never a problem, Felicity.” Oliver steps back. “I’ll let you do some touch-ups.”

He goes to leave the dressing room, but a delicate hand wraps around his wrist before he steps out of reach. “Hey, Oliver?”

He turns back. “Yeah?”

“I know that I’ve been pretty distant since last week…since we first rehearsed our kiss…”

Oliver swallows a lump in his throat. “I’ve noticed.”

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being so awkward about it.”

“Hey, you don’t have to–”

“No, I do,” Felicity interrupts. She lets go of his wrist so she can freely gesture. “I shouldn’t have avoided you. I knew you were trying to talk to me about it, and I knew we should talk about it, but I made every excuse to avoid you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I wouldn’t say every excuse…”

Felicity tilts her head. “Oliver…”

He raises his hands in surrender.

“I did. And I shouldn’t have done it,” she repeats. Felicity looks away, almost ashamed. “It’s just… we’ve become great friends since this all started and… with that kiss, I didn’t ruin want to ruin that.”

Friends? That’s all she wants to be?

Oliver tries to contain his disappointment, not wanting to upset Felicity further. “Okay. Let’s not ruin our… friendship, then.”

Felicity blinks at him for a second before nodding. “Uh… yeah. Friends.”

Oliver nods and takes one last look at her. Then he heads toward the door.

“Umm…”

He looks back at her over his shoulder.

“You good?”

Despite his disappointment, Oliver smiles, reminiscing that moment before their callback eons ago.

“Good. Because you better not mess this up for me, Drama Queen.”

He shakes his head as he walks out the door.

Maybe Oliver can settle for being just friends with Felicity.

JIMMY. So where were we, before we were interrupted by kidnapping, white slave trading and the like? Oh, yeah…

(Kneels on one knee, then to MILLIE.)

Will you marry me?

MILLIE. Jimmy–?!

(A short beat. JIMMY holds his breath.)

JIMMY. Answer the question! Will you marry me?

MILLIE. I’ll marry you.

JIMMY. Poor as I am?

MILLIE. Poor as you are, because if it’s marriage I have in mind, love has everything to do with it. Right, Muzzy?

MUZZY. Hallelujah!

[…]

So you see, snookums. you can marry the boss after all.

MILLIE: Who cares?

I found myself a green glass love.

JIMMY. Funny, I found myself an emerald…

The show doesn’t go off without a hitch. There were a few mic issues and Kara and her counterpart Maseo nearly fly off the stage in a large laundry cart. But other than that, the show ends up being absolutely amazing.

After they’ve finished the finale musical number and the orchestra starts playing the curtain call music, the audience is already standing when the first of the ensemble cast step out to take their first bows. When his music cue starts a minute later and he steps back on the stage, Oliver hears his hockey buddies cheering and clapping for him. It makes him laugh as he bows. He can’t even hear his own family, who are sitting not too far from the stage, over the team’s loud roars.

However, nothing compares to the deafening ovation for Felicity. If they hadn’t all been standing already, the full audience definitely is now. And Oliver claps loudly with them, smiling so wide with the pride he hs for Felicity.

When it’s time for their final bows with the cast, Oliver doesn’t hesitate to grab Felicity’s hand and squeeze.

The smile she flashes him is blinding.

It’s weekend after the show ended and before finals start the following Wednesday. And by some miracle, Oliver somehow manages to host a cast and crew, save for a few other guest and Tommy, holiday party at the Queen mansion. Surprisingly, even though alcohol is what got him into the Starling Academy Drama program, Oliver’s parents had snuck them a bit of champagne, but warned Oliver not to let anything get too out of hand.

Despite the option, Oliver is completely sober. And apparently, his best friend won’t allow that.

“Buddy! What the hell are you drinking?” Tommy sniffs the red cup Oliver holds in his hand. “Is that plain old root beer? Lame!”

Tommy pulls out a bottle of whiskey from who knows where and shoves it in Oliver’s face. “Here! Take a swig.”

Oliver shakes his head, amused at Tommy’s inebriated state. “I’m good, Tommy. Where did you even get that?”

Tommy’s answer fades into the background when Oliver’s eyes catch a blonde ponytail across the room. Felicity sits with her group of friends, lightly sipping from her own red cup. She doesn’t look like she’s paying much attention to whatever her friends are talking about. In fact, she looks very deep in thought. But, as if sensing his gaze, Felicity perks her head up and spots him.

He waves, expecting her to do the same. Instead, she gestures toward the double doors of his living room and mouths, “Can we talk?”

At his nod, Felicity excuses herself and exits the room.

Oliver doesn’t notice Tommy wiggling his eyebrows at him until he places something green in his hand.

It’s a mistletoe.

“What the hell, Tommy?”

His best friend winks. “Go get her, Ollie.”

“You’re drunk, buddy. I told you she doesn’t want me like that.”

Tommy dramatically rolls his eyes. “Just bring it with you. It’s Christmas, after all.”

“She’s Jewish.” Wanting to get Tommy out of his hair, though, Oliver sighs and pockets the stupid Christmas tradition.

“Atta, boy,” Tommy says, pushing Oliver toward the doors.

Oliver rolls his eyes.

He meets Felicity in his room, where they often rehearsed and studied over the past couple months. Silently, Oliver watches her set down her cup and hop up on his desk.

“You wanted to talk?” Oliver asks shyly, shuffling on his feet and stuffing his hands in his pockets, trying to ignore the mistletoe in one of them.

Felicity nervously chews on her bottom lip before picking up her cup again, downing the rest of its contents. Oliver’s eyes widen, not expecting it.

“Oh!” Felicity realizes what that looked like to him. “It’s not–It’s just water. My uh… throat was dry.”

“You’re good, Felicity. I’ve done much worse than what you think I’ve probably drunk before,” he chuckles. “So… talk?”

“Right. Yes. Um.” She takes a deep breath, her anxiety picking up. “You know, when you first walked into the Drama room two months ago, I had really low expectations for you.”

He assumes she doesn’t want him to speak or else she’ll lose her nerve, so he simply nods.

“Back then, you were just the snobby, rich popular guy who thought he could do whatever he wanted.”

Until Principal Waller had threatened to ban him from hockey games and hold him back from graduation, Oliver had been that guy. He’s ashamed of who he used to be. But since meeting Felicity, Oliver has changed.

Felicity continues. “But then we got to know each other and I learned that you were more than that. That whole who rich guy act was just an act. You’re this caring guy who’s actually pretty smart and passionate when you put your mind into it.”

Oliver shrugs, a sheepish smile on his face.

“And somehow… eventually, “Felicity says with a fond smile, “we became friends.”

Even though Oliver is glad that they are friends, he feels a slight pang in his heart because he’d rather be more than friends.

“And then we kissed… and I couldn’t separate us from Millie and Jimmy. That first kiss felt more real than any kiss I’d ever had.”

Oliver’s heart starts pounding and his feet begin stepping closer to Felicity without him knowing it. He didn’t think Felicity felt the same way about that kiss because she’d run away from him.

“But then I got scared. So I avoided you.”

Oliver nods, understanding why. He hasn’t given much reason that he’d be a good boyfriend. He has a reputation after all. In that aspect, he’s much like Jimmy at the beginning of the play.

But like Jimmy, he’d changed. Like Jimmy learned from Millie, Oliver learned how to be more than just his money. He learned how to be a better person because of Felicity.

“It wasn’t because the kiss was awful. It was the complete opposite. It was amazing. And–and I know we said we would just be friends, but, well, we just kept kissing for the show and I thought, maybe we’d just get it out of our systems and once the show was over we’d get over. But I didn’t. And now that the show is over, I have no more excuses to kiss you anymore– what are you doing?”

Oliver interrupts her babble, digging out the mistletoe from his pocket. He hears Felicity gasp when he holds it up. “I know you’re Jewish and all… but, uh… this could be an excuse… if you want.”

Wincing at the lame attempt to kiss Felicity again, Oliver is just about ready to accept Felicity’s rejection. Instead, he feels her lips on his, and he reacts immediately. Felicity pulls him closer to the desk she’s sitting on, pulling him between her legs. He cups her right cheek, while his other hand buries itself in the blonde hair she’d left down for the night.

All the pent-up tension that’s been building up between the two of them is released into one amazing kiss.

Then Felicity pulls back. “This isn’t a one time thing, right? Because, if it wasn’t clear, I don’t wanna be just friends…”

Oliver strokes her cheek with his thumb. “No way.”

Felicity smiles before leaning back in for another kiss. It’s almost as good as the one they just had. Except he feels Felicity start laughing against his lips.

Pulling away slightly offended, Oliver asks, “Why are you laughing?”

Felicity winces. “Sorry. It’s just… don’t you see how similar we are to Jimmy and Millie?”

“That’s what you’re thinking about now?”

She raises her hands guiltily. “I couldn’t help it! I still have post-show depression!”

“That’s a thing?” Felicity nods, causing Oliver to shake his head at the ridiculousness of theater culture. Then a thought pops into his head, which prompts a grin on Oliver’s face. “Are you saying I’m your ‘green glass love’?”

Felicity leans closer, whispering into his lips, “Only if I’m your emerald.”

[bobbystompy]

My Top 120 Songs Of 2017

Previously: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

The one saving grace is we do have 12 fewer than last year.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier

Speaking of… each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself

Oh, also, off the suggestion of Mike Gilkes -- and a few others -- I made this whole thing into a Spotify playlist, which you can peep here (includes 114 of the 120):

Let’s go?

120) Big Sean & Metro Boomin f/ 21 Savage - “Pull Up N Wreck”

Some mediocre, listenable rap made by dudes who know a bit better (well, at least 2/3rds of them).

119) Maroon 5 f/ Future - “Cold”

This song makes me feel mostly nothing... but the first minute of the video does have some solid Adam Levine alone-in-the-car acting.

/oh my god it has 119 million views

This was a lot easier to enjoy when I assumed it went unnoticed. Bonus points for the Wu-Tang shirt at the end.

118) Bleachers - “Hate That You Know Me”

Closed out 2017 undecided as ever on one Jack Antonoff. Should we hate him for dating Lena Dunham? Somehow respect him more? Give him mega credit for his big time pop songwriting collabs? Or is that a ding? Is he a nerd or the coolest guy in the cocktail bar? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, and this song is merely OK.

UPDATE: THEY GAWN

117) B.o.B f/ T.I. & Ty Dolla $ign - “4 Lit”

Real bad song with a mindless/terrible/misogynistic chorus. Yet... something about professional musicians sitting in a room and coming up with “4 Lit” as some sort of escalated to catchphrase to “lit” is just hilarious.

116) Prophets of Rage - “Unfuck The World”

Sure, this hits a lot of the same beats as Rage Against The Machine’s “Sleep Now In The Fire” from 18 years ago, but in these increasingly polarized, political times, I welcome their voice.

115) Kacy Hill - “Like A Woman”

This song is so chill and ethereal that it seems almost unfeasible for my punk/hip-hop/XX chromosome havin’ ass to completely sync with its wave.

114) The Decemberists - “Ben Franklin’s Song”

What happens when pop indie teams up with the lyrical stylings of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Well, this. I’m not sure if The Decemberists drop f-bombs in any of their other songs, but it pleases me to think it only happened here.

113) Offset & Metro Boomin - “Ric Flair Drip”

Mostly here for the beat.

112) Hurray For The Riff Raff - “Hungry Ghost”

A cool song that’s hard to put into a box. Indie? Pop? Rock? Forget labels, just enjoy.

(Minus a few points for the low hanging “girl/world” rhyme)

111) Wavves - “Dreams Of Grandeur”

I was pretty let down by the new Wavves LP, but this song sounds enough like the old stuff to be a net positive (despite being, like, 70 seconds too long)

110) Culture Abuse - “So Busted”

Culture Abuse got on my radar with last year’s all-timer, “Dream On”. It was an unrelenting, robotic pulverization. “So Busted” is more of a drug comedown; a ballad, even. While “Dream On” wanted to seek you out and kill you like a terminator; “So Busted” just wants a cuddle.

109) Trey Songz - “#1Fan”

This song is so dumb and funny and pseudo competent. Really not sure how the R&B guys get away with this shit.

108) The Killers - “The Man”

Is this in a movie? It should be in a movie. It’s kind of, like, a better version of what Arcade Fire has been trying to be.

107) New Lenox - “Protest Sweater”

A good song for the ending 2017 -- or any year, really -- and its run time (1:30) would make Joyce Manor proud.

106) Logic - “Everybody”

This is really good, but it reminds me so much of Kendrick that it becomes distracting.

105) Gorillaz f/ DRAM - “Andromeda”

Didn’t spend enough time listening to the new Gorillaz record, but I actually put the blame on them: it was long, man. So while I woulda loved to pick one of the songs with a cool cameo (hi, Vince Staples!), this is the one I actually had around the most. It’s all we’ve come to expect from this cartoon band -- kinda British, kinda futuristic, very undisturbed. Also, if it gets you back to the album before me, I heard that Damon Albarn told all collaborating artists to record their parts like the world was ending tomorrow.

104) Dropkick Murphys - “Blood”

If you know me at all, you know I historically have not been a fan of this band. But for whatever reason, this one connected -- bagpipes and all.

103) Captain, We’re Sinking - “Books”

CWS was never, ever going to top the falling-apart-desperation of 2013′s “The Future Is Cancelled”, but this song comes pleasantly close.

102) IRONTOM - “Be Bold Like Elijah”

My buddy Crooks rec’d this band, and the guitars give me Queens Of The Stone Age vibes in the best possible way. A bio on lastFM compared them to Arctic Monkeys, and you know what? I agree with that, too.

101) Jidenna - “A Bull’s Tale”

This song feels primed to explode and makes you wanna rip the shirt off your chest; only we don’t know if the bomb’s gonna blow in the middle or at the end.

100) Jeff Tweedy - “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart”

Yeah yeah, the original version of this dropped in 2002, and yes, it’s just a cover by the dude who originally sang it. I... do not care. It made me appreciate the confessional regret all over again.

99) Talib Kweli f/ Yummy Bingham & Jay Electronica - “All Of Us”

It was all bad just a week ago

Kweli and Jay Elect are a collab made in conscious rap heaven, so this song was more than a pleasant surprise.

98) Rise Against - “House On Fire”

This song could have been on “Revolutions Per Minute”. Or maybe I’m just saying that because of the hand grenade lyric in the chorus.

97) HAIM - “Want You Back”

Can’t imagine there being a lamer song on this list. HAIM and Bleachers should get in a wuss rock beef that ends with pistols.

96) The Bigger Empty - “By Its Own (So What)”

My producer plays bass in this band. This song is super solid, and, maybe most importantly in these completely divisive times, unoffensive and approachable. Kinda Hush Sound-y.

95) Little Big Town - “Lost In California” (note: link is to live version)

From the bros and broettes who brought us “Day Drinking” comes this much more subdued track. If you squint, it doesn’t really even seem like country. Granted, if they sang “Alabama” instead of “California”, you could probably call that claim out immediately.

94) Lana Del Rey - “Heroin”

Another beautiful/dreamy song from an artist who’s near-perfected that niche.

93) Wavves & Culture Abuse - “Up And Down”

Wavves and Culture Abuse have already made appearances on this list, and we haven’t even cracked the Top 80. Fortunately, their collaboration scored a little higher than their individual outputs. Shout out to their uplifting outro “I’ll just get high and I’ll die alone”.

92) The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - “Something Just Like This”

This song played at my gym all the time, and I was positive it was Coldplay. Then someone told me it was The Chainsmokers. Then I looked it up on YouTube, and it says “The Chainsmokers & Coldplay”... so what’s the deal, assholes?

91) Lil Peep f/ Lil Tracy - “Awful Things”

I hadn’t heard of Lil Peep when I found out of his passing in 2017. After looking up some pictures, I was nearly 100% positive his music was not for me. This was incorrect. I haven’t really listened to songs that sound like his; it’s kind of like rap that treads this line of being bad while also kinda sounding like alternative rock; destructive love song that doesn’t flinch.

90) AFI - “Dark Snow”

Nothing new, but Davey Havok can still sing circles around almost anybody.

89) Dashboard Confessional - “Love Yourself” (link is to live, partial version)

Well, Dashboard covered Biebs, and we all lived to tell the tale.

88) Garrett Dale - “2016 Was...”

This song would be a blast as a singalong in a late night hotel room. There’s something calming about celebrating -- or at least acknowledging -- everything sucking.

87) Katy Perry f/ Skip Marley - “Chained To The Rhythm”

Got more than a few issues with this song, but it’s catchy, so they’re mostly forgiven. Even though it’s Katy Perry, I was pretty surprised to see it racked up 444 million views.

And seriously who the hell is Skip Marley?!

86) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Glug, Glug, Glug”

Now is probably a good time to plug the lead track from my band’s b-sides record that came out this year (ten years in the making, baby!). Mandatory listening if you’ve ever bonged brandy, partied in Champaign, or counted down in a country voice.

85) Charly Bliss - “Glitter”

It’s been nearly a year, but it’s still somewhat difficult to calibrate this singer’s voice. Is it a little too saccharine, too childlike, or just perfect? You be the judge.

84) Emperor X - “Wasted On The Senate Floor”

This singer is real god damn frenetic.

83) Father John Misty - “Total Entertainment Forever”

/obligatory “yes, this is the one with the Taylor Swift lyric” reference

FJM has such a pro’s pro voice and makes super sound music... but it’s also kinda hard to have an overall opinion. The more 50-50 I get, the more I think it’s not all that great. The video is a microcosm. Like... why is Macaulay Culkin paying Cobain? Is this a commentary on capitalism? Oooh, nah nah nahs are nice! As divided as I still am, I’m pretty positive this song is good-if-not-great.

82) St. Vincent - “New York”

This song is further proof that soft, radio friendly music can still benefit from a well placed “motherfucker”.

81) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Dead Man’s Dollar”

As long as Andrew McMahon’s project is called “Andrew McMahon In the Wilderness”, I will make fun of him like clockwork.

This song is nice. I sometimes sing “I want Thon Maker” when he says “I want to make a” in the chorus.

80) Kele Okereke - “Streets Been Talkin’”

Kele’s most impressive feat was sneaking “bae” right into the chorus without me noticing until literally right now.

79) Rick Ross - “Summer Seventeen” 

How the hell did this dumbass song get so high up on the list? I have no explanation. Classic Roazy though -- aim high, fake it till you make it. When I started my new job in August, IT reset my password to “summer2017″, and I had this song’s hook in my head nearly every time I typed it in. All told, a pretty hilarious way to start a work day.

78) Michelle Branch - “Best You Ever”

This song sounds so dark and sultry, but I’m not totally sure why. Branch rules.

77) Calvin Harris f/ Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - “Feels”

The best way to ruin this song for anyone is to point out how much the hook sounds like Katy Perry singing “Don’t be afraid to catch fish”.

76) Morrissey - “Spent The Day In Bed”

This is a very low maintenance lyric video. So you can either make fun of that or the “I spent the day in bed / I’m not the type, but I love my bed” line.

75) Red City Radio - “If You Want Blood (Be My Guest)”

The “We don’t need a god damn thing from you” chorus is a little punk cliche to win me over, but the Oklahoma City reference (”where our dreams come true and die”) is the line I’ve been waiting for since I found out RCR was from there.

74) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “Talk 2 Her”

The closest we’ll get to a new Clash song in 2017.

73) Bad Cop/Bad Cop - “Womanarchist”

Factoring in the 2017′s themes (#MeToo, Harvey dead, etc.), this has to be the song title of the year. I smiled ear-to-ear watching this music video.

72) The Movielife - “Mercy Is Asleep At The Wheel”

Hey, The Movielife reunited!

71) The Rocket Summer - “Gone Too Long”

Unlike that lazy ass Morrissey, The Rocket Summer gave us a lyric video that basically passes as a legit music video.

70) Miguel f/ Travis Scott - “Sky Walker”

Me, every time I listen to this song:

“Ooh, beat is pretty solid.”

“Ah yeah, the hook’s good. I thought I really liked this song though...”

/falsetto part

“AW YEAH.”

69) Queens Of The Stone Age - “The Way You Used To Do”

Had never known about the Josh Homme/Elvis comparisons, but after hearing this, I totally get it now. Also: god damn it, man.

68) Macklemore f/ Skylar Grey - “Glorious”

What can we do to make Skylar Grey more famous? She Ginger Rogers’d for Em on “SNL” -- seriously, she played piano and sung Dido, Beyoncé, and Rihanna hooks (that’s a solid ass trinity!) -- has unarguably awesome songs, and never takes anything off the table. I honestly don’t care if she has another hit... let’s just, like, all Venmo her five bucks or something.

One of my fav music videos on the list so far. Be as skeptical of Macklemore as you want, but when his grandma offers him a drink (haha) then says she wants to “do it all” with their day together, it warms the hearts.

67) Direct Hit! - “Blood On Your Tongue”

Direct Hit! continues to be the best modern version of Green Day, The Ramones*, and themselves.

(* - without being Ramones-core)

66) Boyd & The Stahfools - “Party Penguin”

I’ve been in the game for a long while, but, for the first time in my career, I finally was part of a music video. If you told me it was a 2Pac parody that advertised craft beer, I’d, well, I’d believe you. We got Dave Hernandez on the hook, Mike Healy as Dr. Dre, and yours truly as Makaveli.

And all jokes aside, “On vacation like Bev D’Angelo” is one of my favorite penned lines.

65) Rancid - “Telegraph Avenue”

I like when Tim sings about grabbing his left-handed guitar.

64) Big Sean f/ Jeremih - “Light”

Sean Don made a forgettable 2017 album with many throwaway tracks -- but “Light” ain’t one of ‘em. I liked this song even before the touching video cemented its power.

63) blink 182 - “Parking Lot”

This is that weird mix of what makes all new blink really good and really eh at the same time -- Skiba involved (for better or worse), inspired Mark (for better or worse), and Travis’ overplaying (for better or worse). It’s for sure easier if you just turn your brain off and go with it.

Why does he reference Chicago in the verse then California in the pre-chorus?

I SAID “OFF”.

62) New Found Glory - “Your Jokes Aren’t Funny”

This song doesn’t break a ton of new ground, but it’s got this circular, easy chorus that keeps me coming back.

61) Teenage Bottlerocket - “Goin’ Back To Wyo”

Similar to Red City Radio writing about OKC, I can’t get enough of TB writing about their home. Did I blast this song while driving across the entire state alone this summer? Do you know me an ounce?

60) Frank Turner - “The Sand In The Gears”

A little dissatisfied with the current administration? Frank may be from across the pond, but he’s with you on this one, man. One of my favorite parts of this song is when he breaks the rhyme scheme just to angrily say “I thought that we were winning the war against the homophobes and the racists”.

59) Billy Bragg - “Not Everything That Counts Can Be Counted”

Billy Bragg is here for all of us, with perspective, wisdom, and insightful guidance in tow.

58) Dave Hause - “The Flinch”

Send this one to an old flame if you’re hoping, you know, to maybe rekindle.

57) Selena Gomez f/ Gucci Mane - “Fetish”

That’s right -- “Bad Liar” got beat out by this significantly less popular single featuring one of my least favorite rappers.

/looks up play totals

”Fetish”... 130 million

“Bad Liar”... 214 million

Comparably popular, I say! For me, this one is all about the chorus -- and that beat’ll get you swayin’.

56) Jay Electronica - “Letter To Falon”

‘Cause who gon’ save them babies? / And finally put a definite to all those maybes

Death, taxes, maybe death again, and Jay Electronica never releasing a full length album. Our man has been on Roc Nation for nearly ten years. I hate him so much. /anxiously awaits his next move

Jay Electricity in his zone on this one; so comfortable, in full operation within the confines.

55) Laura Jane Grace - “Adore”

I don’t know who Amy Shark is, but LJG covered her song and punted my heart into Lake Michigan.

54) Russian Girlfriends - “Antidote”

Upbeat, direct song that starts kinda Metric-y with the riff but then gets more pop punk as it progresses.

53) Brian Fallon - “If Your Prayers Don’t Get To Heaven”

My fiancee laughed when I looked up how to play this song on the guitar and the guy who tabbed it out wrote “Typical Brian Fallon open chords” in the intro.

52) Cloud Nothings - “Enter Entirely”

If “Womanarchist” is the ‘best’ song title of the year, “Enter Entirely” is certainly the coolest. And please don’t let the very boring music video fool you -- this song gets after it, man. If you are a fan of rock music, it would blow me away if you found this song remotely objectionable.

(After seeing CN open for Japandroids on back-to-back nights this November, it feels criminal to have such a slow song represent the band, as their drummer is the Russell Westbrook of the indie scene. That dude does not tire and comes off as more machine than man.)

51) Conor Oberst - “Napalm”

Oberst released a 10-song album in 2016 that was super brooding and piano-y... then he released another album in 2017 (17 songs) that had every track from his previous record and seven new ones. Kind of a weird move, no? This is one of those seven; suffice to say it’s a little more upbeat.

50) Sorority Noise - “No Halo”

You could tell me this song came out in 2002, 2007, or both -- but not 2017. How is this not a time capsuled rival of Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance? I don’t know, but if you like a lot of death, this one’s for you.

49) N.E.R.D f/ Rihanna - “Lemon”

Let’s lighten the mood back up with some RiRi rap. My buddy Crooks’ take: “That's how every 2017 hip-hop beat should sound.”

48) Kesha - “Praying”

It’s damn near impossible to talk about this song without talking about The Note. It occurs at 4:21, and it will make you a little faint.

Kesha dusts herself off and gets beyond empowered in this one. This song could legitimately soundtrack the entire #MeToo movement. When the drums kick in halfway through, you’ll be ready to fight back too.

When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

47) The Smith Street Band - “Laughing (Or Pretending To Laugh)”

This soft, hopeful love song is almost *too* respectful when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. I’m not sure there’s a more endearing 2017 lyric than “And I don't wanna marry you just yet / But at least let me get you a cider / And I don’t even think I’d have to pay for it / Hopefully there’s a couple left on the rider”.

46) Run The Jewels - “Legend Has It”

Whenever I think of this song, I will always have that image of El-P holding up that gun to the bunny’s head. This song is braggadocious, each line one-upping the previous in perpetuity. Man, they probably rule live.

45) Vic Mensa - “Say I Didn’t”

Vic Mensa's Roc Nation debut (CAN YOU HEAR ME AT ALL, JAY ELECTRONICA?!?!?!?!?!?) was real strong, and this one gives you a good taste of what he’s about. He’s intense but controlled and even gets a little soulful. And depending what sphere you come from, you’ll either be extremely more or extremely less interested after he drops a Weezer reference. If that gives you trepidation, maybe the Nate Dogg namedrop will reel you back in?

44) Kendrick Lamar - “HUMBLE.”

I like Kendrick Lamar and will always recognize his talent, platform, and body of work (there’s a real case to be made that his “Control” verse killed hip-hop, and it’s just been an animated zombie ever since). Having said that...

He doesn’t always make it easy. The all caps song titles, the weird high pitched flow, the massive reliance of “bitch” in his choruses... yet, he’s the same dude who begs for stretch marked butts and body positivity. I don’t know, man. By the time he hits the “I make a play fucking up your whole life” line, I’m nearly all the way back in.

Last complaint: that organ-y keyboard thing could be so much louder. The beat almost feels diet because of that decision.

43) PKEW PKEW PKEW - “Cold Dead Hands”

This song is about how you can’t freeze this band to death, because they’ll party their way out of the situation.

42) Weezer - “Any Friend Of Diane’s”

This song puts me in a trance; they sing the same chorus lyric a million times, and I still almost want more.

41) Taylor Swift - “I Did Something Bad”

If this song isn’t a hit in 2018, then I do not know anything. For as uneven and questionable as her new singles were, this song has none of that. By the time she’s rolling on the tremendously magnetic “over and over and over again” part, you’ll feel like it’s 2009.

Maybe the old Taylor is still alive after all.

40) Best Ex - “Someday”

What’s that, you want your pop with a lot less baggage? This song is currently at 1,042 views, which is further proof of no justice in this world. I remember grocery shopping with this in the headphones, and you woulda thought it was the happiest moment of my life by the expression on my smiling, dumb face.

39) White Reaper - “Judy French”

“There are no good new rock bands wahhhhh”

Nah -- you just suck at finding music when it’s never been easier in human history, I guess?

38) Anti-Flag - “The Criminals”

This band has always lived in this dramatic life-and-death world, and it’s been going on for so long, that it’s like their vision of what they were always rebelling against was willed into existence.

37) French Montana f/ The Weeknd & Max B - “A Lie”

My dislike of French Montana is so high that I sometimes think about having to answer for saying something heinous about him. Kinda like when Kevin Garnett was accused of calling Charlie Villanueva (who has alopecia) a “cancer patient.”

KG’s all-time response:

“I am aware there was a major miscommunication regarding something I said on the court last night. My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact ‘You are cancerous to your team and our league,’" Garnett said in a statement to the media on Wednesday.

Hahahaha.

French, you are a cancer to hip-hop and our league. His verse even references stupid Karl Malone, because why wouldn’t it? The good news is we have The Weeknd on the hook *and* in the first verse, so you can basically just pretend it’s his solo song with a few regrettable cameos.

36) The Penske File - “Oh Brother”

The Penske File make it look effortless sometimes. After hearing this song and doing a Malört shot with their singer, I have higher hopes than ever for their 2018 full length.

35) The Front Bottoms - “Don’t Fill Up On Chips”

TFB’s new album didn’t give me everything I wanted in terms of uptempo bangers, but the lyrics, sentiment, and craftsmanship are all still very much present.

34) Vince Staples - “Big Fish”

The Juicy J chorus might not win a Pulitzer (”I was up late night ballin’ / Countin’ up hundreds by the thousand”), but Vince is rapping invincible, and by the time the lyrics call back his monster single (“Norf Norf”), you won’t be questioning anything anymore.

33) Julien Baker - “Shadowboxing” (link is to live version)

I know that you don't understand 'Cause you don't believe what you don't see When you watch me throwing punches at the devil It just looks like I'm fighting with me

I swear, Julien Baker might be one of the only people on this planet with the power to shut us all up and listen.

32) Paramore - “Fake Happy”

Paramore is a band that does dumb shit all the time. Infighting, legal drama, horrible makeover after horrible makeover. Seriously, this is real:

But through it all, there’s that unbreakable Hayley voice, and it’s like everything is gonna be OK again. I mean, no, it’s not -- but let’s still enjoy these fleeting moments, full blown pop transition or not.

31) Nothington - “Cobblestones”

This song briefly sounds like Lucero before turning into no nonsense despair punk.

30) Lorde - “Perfect Places”

Such a phenomenal album closer; great to have her back in the pop music fold. Car, headphones, party, whatever -- this song goes all around you.

29) Remember Sports - “I Liked You Best”

If Kesha’s high note in “Praying” was pop music’s peak vocal moment in 2017, I’d like to nominate the “You made this me-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hess” (2:37) part as punk’s.

28) Phoenix - “J-Boy”

This band makes such gorgeous music.

27) Drake - “Free Smoke” (no link)

Drake’s full album output, in minutes, for the last four years:

2013: 59 minutes 2014: N/A 2015: 108 minutes 2016: 81 minutes

And this doesn’t include stray singles, diss tracks, or cameos (2014 had “0 To 100″, for example). What I’m saying is, despite high quality material, Aubrey has saturated us with music for nearly half a decade. So even though I dig him lots, it was like “Really?!” when I heard he was releasing 2017′s “More Life” and “WHAT” when I found out it was another 81 minutes (the same length as 2016′s “Views”). Though the record is stylistically very different -- I keep hearing people use the word “grime”, though I have no idea what it means -- it’s still got bars. My favorite stray lines (they add up):

- “More life, more everything” - “I dunk text J-Lo / Old number, so it bounce back” - “Hilton rooms, gotta double up / Writin’ our name on a double cup” - “I fall asleep in sororities / I had some different priorities” - “Women I like was ignorin’ me / Now they like ‘Aren’t you adorable?’ / I know the question rhetorical” - “I make too much these days to ever say ‘Poor me’” - “I wanna move to Dubai / So I don’t never have to kick it with none of you guys”

But, it wouldn’t be Drake without making fun of him some. The song beings with, well, him sampling himself at an award show. The sample: 

And more chune for your headtop So watch how you speak on my name, you know?

Which begs the question: did he do the weird Jamaican accent knowing he was gonna sample it? It treads this weird genius/calculated doofus line. All I know is it makes me laugh.

26) Tigers Jaw - “Favorite” 

This song could make me pensive and unhappy on the sunniest of days.

25) Tee Grizzley - “First Day Out”

Like many, I first heard of Tee Grizzley from a LeBron James Instagram workout video. It was an easy sell: Detroit, ferocious beat, and the dude goes *hard*. I got a little too excited and emailed my hip-hop friends: “What the fuck is this? This is GOOD.”

This was before I realized he kinda sounds the same in every song. It’s no matter -- we’ll always have “First Day Out”, a brief time in June 2017 where I thought Tee Grizzley could be the next to run the game.

I can’t even be in public with my hoodie on

24) The War On Drugs - “Strangest Thing”

It’s very difficult to write about The War On Drugs without mentioning how transcendent it is to listen to them in the car. Everyone is right about that, but, for me, I also have to mention how much this dude sounds like Dylan. People say Springsteen, but I hear so much Bob. You don’t necessarily have to get “past” it, but you do kinda have to get used to it. Once you do, the lead guitar will carry you into the clouds. This music will make you contemplate and reflect.

23) Foxing - “Night Channels”

Let’s keep the mood contemplative; you almost feel sleepless if not completely locked in to this one.

UPDATE: This dropped in 2015, /sigh

22) Craig Finn - “God In Chicago”

This is more of a movie than a song -- and the visuals agree. Focus in on the lyrics, take in the story, and then do it again soon because you’ll catch new wrinkles each time. One of the year’s best videos, for sure. Punk News phrases it well: “Here he’s made a solo album of losers who have no idea they’ve already lost.”

21) DJ Khaled f/ Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne - “I’m The One”

No one wanted you to know he had sex in 2017 more than DJ Khaled. He made his infant son Asahd the “Executive Producer” for this video. Why? Because he’s an idiot. Khaled’s still existing fame continues to confound. He’s more faux-platitudes than man at his point. So why do the best artists in the world collaborate with someone so seemingly unintelligent? I don’t know, but this song bangs and was probably my Song of the Summer. We got JB on the hook, a dumb-but-amusing Quavo*, Wayne trying to gain footing, and Chance running across the finish line backward with Best Verse title belt. But Khaled won’t let you forget about him, blaring DJ tag and all. This song suffers for that, and it’s all his fault. 

(* - his ad lib of just repeating everything becomes charming once you start to get Stockholm Syndrome with the song)

20) Ed Sheeran - “The Shape Of You”

What a 2017 for the man behind the year’s best (super successful) pop song.  At the turn of the calendar, I barely knew who he was, but before we all knew it, there was a legitimate public outcry because he was on “Game of Thrones” for, like, two minutes. What a time. Oh, also, the “Come on, be my baby...” bridge gave me some “Real World: New Orleans” acid flashbacks.

Great meme, take us out.

19) Minus The Bear - “Last Kiss”

If the shattered neon heart didn’t give it away, this is a “the relationship is definitively over” breakup song. Seeing them play it at Riot Fest made me miss my late friend Luke; I wish he could have heard this.

18) Hot Water Music - “Never Going Back”

I’ve always maintained Chuck Ragan plays guitar and sings songs like a running back. Well, this song carpe diem’s me enough to play actual running back*.

(* - jk, would never do this unless it was against very small children)

17) Lucky Boys Confusion - “Good Luck”

My hometown heroes released their comeback album in 2017, and I’m not sure any track sums up the effort better. By the time Adam sings “Burned out, they call us / Screw ‘em, we got endless memories / Punk rock and the polish / I hope it gave you something to believe”, there are no dry eyes left.

(And yes, this could totally be an AM Taxi song, but with Ryan Fergus’ killer-fills-only drumming, I’m glad it wasn’t.)

16) Hodera - “Baltimore”

This song would likely have a Top 5 objective approval rating of any on the list.

...“The Wire” forever.

15) Iron Chic - “A Headache With Pictures”

It ain’t heavy, it ain’t heaven

If Hot Water Music is carpe diem, what is Iron Chic -- seize the life?! My favorite description of the band came from Sam Sutherland, who tweeted: “Whose day has already been derailed by the unavoidably weighty introspection of listening to the new Iron Chic record.”

They are a certified run-through-brick-walls outfit. One of my final 2017 memories of this song was subtweeting “Now I know” the night I got engaged and having my buddy Ricky think she might’ve declined the proposal. May have to include a ring emoji next time.

14) The Flatliners - “Indoors”

Had to listen to this, like, five or six times before its brilliant greatness overtook me like falling into a river. The chorus is so, so heartfelt.

Don’t sleep on the video, either (especially the end).

13) Sylvan Esso - “Die Young”

Though I have tickets to see them for the first time in 2018, I am not mega-versed in the catalogue of Sylvan Esso. But this feels like their best song. Imagine if Romeo and Juliet turned out OK.

12) Oso Oso - “Shoes (The Sneaker Song)”

Jade from Oso Oso would likely want all of the above stylized in lowercase -- but this ain’t Jade’s list. This was my favorite new band of 2017, and I do believe they made the year’s best album. It’s early-2000s emo at times, pop punk at others, and all ear candy.

11) Sincere Engineer - “Corn Dog Sonnet No. 7″

Staying in the new artist lane, I proudly introduce Sincere Engineer. This band sounds like if Modern Baseball had a little sister. By the time singer Deanna Belos sings “I’m still learning how to be”, you want to pat her on the back and give her all your best advice.

Fantastic music video -- and she confirmed to me this past weekend that it’s real mustard, not puffy paint (“I have a towel that is all yellow from cleaning it up”).

10) new.wav - “Girls”

Alright, so stick with me on this: new.wav is the band, covering The 1975′s song “Girls” in the style of “Enema of the State”-era blink-182. Confused? Yeah, I was too, but check it out. Maybe more impressive than the arrangements/performance is how they were able to match blink’s production style -- no easy task.

9) Jay-Z - “Family Feud” (starts around 5:30; partial version)

Shawn Corey Carter wants to get right with everyone -- America, his peers, and, of course, within his own home. And though I may never understand the “New n****s is the reason I stopped drinkin’ Dos Equis” lyric, I’m on board with about all else. Similar to the Oso Oso record, “4:44″ is such an album that it feels unfair to single out a song to represent all of its parts. Stripped from the LP, the song does not hit as hard, but in the groove of the record, it’s the apex. And despite Hov seemingly desiring peace, the song does have more than a few call outs:

- “My stash can’t fit into Steve Harvey’s suit” - “And old n****s, y’all stop actin’ brand new / Like 2Pac ain’t have a nose ring too” - “Al Sharpton in the mirror takin’ selfies / How is him or Pill Cosby s’posed to help me?”

In the latter stages of his career, it’s hard to call everything Jay does ‘necessary’, but “4:44″ definitely checked that box.

8) Rozwell Kid - “Wendy’s Trash Can”

Vacillated all year between this one and “Michael Keaton” and literally flipped a penny my cousin Maggie loaned me to decide. “Wendy’s Trash Can” was heads.

7) The Weeknd - “Reminder”

This one got backdoored in as a latter single from The Weeknd’s 2016 album. One of my favorite parts about Abel is how little he has had to change to succeed. Sure, it’s silky smooth, but he hasn’t sacrificed the drugs, darkness, or ego that should offend (but doesn’t because it he pulls it off so well). After bragging early in the song about he won a kids award for singing about cocaine, he calls out peers for biting his sound, blings out his entire crew, and, well:

When I travel 'round the globe, make a couple mil' a show And I come back to my city, I fuck every girl I know

/clutches pearls

6) The Bombpops - “Be Sweet”

The guitar riff in this song is why I fell in love with punk music. Also, super cool story behind the lyrics:

“'Be Sweet' is an homage to our dear friend, the late Brandon Carlisle of the band Teenage Bottlerocket," vocalist Jen Razavi told AP. "Back in 2010, we were partying in a hotel room with Brandon and Ray Carlisle. There was a guitar in the room and Brandon was showing us an idea he had for a song. He had written it for his wife, but he told us we should play it and change the lyrics to 'getting rad with my boyfriend.' He wrote down all the lyrics on four sheets of hotel notepad paper. Since then, the melody and the chord progression were forgotten, but I still had the lyrics. So we wrote our own version of the song in the studio and used every single lyric that Brandon had written down.

Did I mention the video has an “In Bloom” feel? Stop reading, go listen.

5) Action Bronson - “Let Me Breathe”

Action Bronson ain’t givin’ nothin’ up. This is my pick for rap song of the year. It’s got TV brags (”I got two shows, I’m about to pitch another”), a tight chorus (”Let me breathe for a minute / White Range Rover blowin’ trees all in it”), and whimsy shit too (“Honey bouncin’ up and down, she nearly broke my dick”). Ghostface’s disciple is having more fun than just about anyone.

4) Japandroids - “North East South West”

Only a Canadian band could get me to care this much about my own country. The Vancouver duo penned an Americana ode to the road -- but there’s a twist... they talk about their cities too. For every New Orleans, there’s a Toronto. For every California, a Vancouver.

Maybe they’ll be the ones to end all the border wars.

3) Alex Lahey - “Every Day’s The Weekend”

This is the only submission on the list I’d feel comfortable calling a perfect song. Relatable themes, a chorus that’ll tangle you up, f-bombs in all the right places, and every part maximized. She has this way of weaving between cool confidence and youthful insecurity, all in the matter of one verse.

2) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Cut To The Feeling”

When it comes to “Call Me Maybe” and its legacy, I do not fuck around. This song gets really, really, really close. Just watch this dude.

Queen Carly blessed us with another one. The chorus soars, arms go up, and clouds are your closest companions.

1) The Menzingers - “After The Party”

It's the little things my mind commits / To etch behind my eyelids

When this song dropped, my buddy Dave Rokos called it his favorite Menzos song ever. That felt like high praise, but man, he might be dead on. “After The Party” rips me in half with its lyrics of palpable desperation:

Like a kaleidoscope in vibrant hues I navigate around your tattoos Said you got that one on a whim when you were breaking up with him And that Matryoshka Russian doll That lines your shelf from big to small What a way to start anew To shed your skin and find the old you 

If Carly’s chorus flies, this one holds us down like gravity. You feel everything, you feel nothing, you feel full yet voided, but after all of this -- the life, the party, the friends, the bars, the experiences, the nights, the lights, the fights, the city you live in -- it’s still her and you. Or him and you. Or whatever it is you come home to at the end, when it’s finally quiet.

[jisforjudi]

it’s only a partial screenshot - but it’s a gorgeous photo.  if you can lay your hands on the culture section of today’s times you’ll see the whole picture in all her glory.

Judi Dench on playing Victoria again

The diamond dame is celebrating 60 years in the acting biz with a second pop at playing the queen on film. This time with a rather beautiful young man — ‘Who wouldn’t?’ By Louis Wise

It was on September 9, 1957 that Judi Dench made her debut as Ophelia in the Old Vic’s Hamlet. Over the six decades since, she has taken hundreds more roles, won dozens of awards and ­plaudits, and become embedded in the national psyche. What is the greatest misconception about her? A pause. “‘National treasure,’” she purrs, in that distinctive Denchian croak. “F****** ‘national treasure’!”

 We are sitting in the library of the Covent Garden Hotel, in London, where she is doing promotional duties for her latest effort, Victoria and Abdul. At 82, she looks gorgeous, if a little shaky: the rattle of the bangles on her arms is complemented by a persistent cough, accompanied by streaming eyes. (She dismisses the suggestion that it’s hay fever, but isn’t sure what it is instead.) She is dressed in the expected boho-Denchy pale linen and has tiny feet, her toenails painted scarlet. Will she celebrate her 60 years in the biz? “Oh, I doubt it, no.” A small pause. “I might have an extra glass of champagne that day.”

Dench is, as you’d probably expect, both warm and brisk from the off, but the first time she gets properly animated is when I mention the “n******* t*******” tag. We know she hates it, she says it all the time, but I only bring it up to ask whether it’s an albatross when she’s looking for roles. As soon as the phrase even looms, though: “Oh, please don’t say that! Everyone says it, everyone. It’s horrible, it’s awful. I hate it.” So, yes, it’s the biggest misconception about her. She later qualifies her answer. “I’d like much more to be the Notes on a Scandal woman than the Marigold Hotel woman, do you know what I mean?”

It’s bizarre to define Dench’s career in terms of two roles, considering this is a woman who has been Cleopatra, Elizabeth I, Lady Macbeth, M from the Bond films and, yes, Queen Victoria, but you can see what she’s getting at. In 2007’s Notes on a Scandal, Dench was exceptional as the tortured, torturing Barbara Covett, unhealthily obsessed with her younger colleague (played by Cate Blanchett); in 2011’s The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, she had a far more fragrant, floaty time in the silver-surfers drama set in India. It’s the former that she hungers for, even now. “Oh, I loved it! I loved every second. That’s the part I’m always looking for.”

Furious old lesbian roles not being more forthcoming, though, she is back to playing the queen-empress for a second time, after Mrs Brown. Would she have liked to play any other crowned heads? “No, I don’t particularly want to play queens. You don’t actually think of Cleopatra [‘Cleoparrtra’] as a queen. You just think of her as somebody who behaves rather badly, now and again. But — if there’s a queen that behaves really badly...” She mulls it over. “You know, I long to find this film where this woman walks a tightrope and turns into a dragon. If that part is around, and she happens to be a queen, that’s fine, too.”

Sadly, perhaps, Victoria and Abdul does not require this of her. It’s another anniversary of sorts, since Mrs Brown dates from 1997, and it was this that launched her surprising, late-blooming Hollywood career. (It was a TV movie for the BBC until Harvey Weinstein snapped it up and put it in cinemas, earning Dench the first of seven Oscar nominations in the process.) “Is it 20 years since I did Mrs Brown?” she asks. Yes, isn’t it odd? It seems only about 12 years to me. “It seems like 40 to me.”

The role is not the only similarity. Like Mrs Brown, Victoria and Abdul charts the unusual relationship the monarch had with a man in her long years of widowhood. Whereas the first film concentrated on her intimacy with John Brown, roughly covering the 1860s to the 1880s, the second starts up in the late 1880s, when Victoria, even older, even grumpier and even more alone, is suddenly taken with a young Indian servant, Abdul Karim (played by the Bollywood cutie Ali Fazal), who has been brought over from Agra. Victoria makes him join her private household and he becomes a favourite, educating her on the country of which she is empress; she designates him her “Munshi”, an Urdu word for “teacher”.

All lovely, but of course this goes down like a lead balloon with the monarch’s stiff inner circle, for reasons of class and colour, and things get tricky and sour. The film, directed by Stephen Frears and scripted by Lee Hall, is a game of two halves: naughtily funny to start, achingly sad at the close, as Victoria reaches the end of her life and their friendship reaches its limits. Dench says she had “no intention” of ever returning to Victoria, but that the script won her over.

“I thought it just gave another huge insight into her life. The whole episode with John Brown was strange, but I thought it was totally understandable, which I believe that this relationship was, too. [Here was] somebody that she found, and she could just talk to him, and he talk to her, and she could ask questions and learn something.”

How much of Victoria’s rapport with Karim is an echo of the John Brown episode? “I think the need is the echo,” she replies. After Prince Albert’s sudden death, Victoria was left alone, without a man she could be utterly devoted to. “Yes, she liked a chap around,” Dench nods — which, with the lusty Victoria, is an understatement.

No hint of sex here, but certainly romance: a man “with whom she could actually relax, all formal protocol cancelled. A real, proper relationship, being able to speak her mind to somebody — I think that’s what it was. Apart from the fact that he was an extremely beautiful young man. Who wouldn’t?” She smiles gleefully. “If Ali [Fazal] walked in now, you wouldn’t recognise me. I’d be a spring chicken, all over the place. So beautiful.”

As she says, she is not quite a spring chicken today, but she fires on nearly all cylinders. The main thing that strikes me is how funny she is, specifically her timing and delivery; she can make all sorts of lines work. It reminds me that my first experience of Dench wasn’t as the great Hollywood matriarch, but on a much cosier and smaller scale, in the BBC sitcom As Time Goes By.

Time has indeed gone by, though she doesn’t want to moan about it. There are, of course, her eyes: for years now, her eyesight has steadily gone, as she suffers from macular degeneration. It’s always bad, but it’s getting worse. She says she’s finally going to tackle audiobooks, as she can’t read novels any more. I am politely surprised — I would have thought she had fathomed that a long time ago. “Yes, but you know, you think you can struggle on. But last week we ran over the only pair of glasses of mine that remotely worked.”

Television, though, she still tries at. “We’ve been watching Poldark, which for me is Pol-very-very-dark. I keep going, ‘Who is that speaking?’ I remember Robin Ellis doing the original all those years ago. You don’t remember,” she says, appraising me. “You were in short trousers then.” I wasn’t even born, I’m afraid. “You weren’t born? Oh, thanks so much. Thank you so much.”

If she can laugh about it, there are sadder sides, too. Recently her eldest brother, to whom she was close, died. She was close to her whole family, with whom she had a “glorious” time. “I’ve thought a lot about it recently. I keep wanting to refer back, and there’s no one to do that with. It is hard when that happens.”

In many ways, though, she seems to have been very lucky: she had a blissfully happy 30-year marriage to the actor Michael Williams, who died in 2001, and with whom she had a daughter, Finty, who has provided her with a grandson, Sammy. I ask Dench when she was happiest in her life.

“Oh, I don’t know. I have a happy nature. I have been very, very unhappy, like everybody, but usually I have quite a sunny nature, which is something you don’t manufacture. It’s either something you’re born with, or you’re not. And I think that comes from my parents. They had great, great senses of humour.” Her childhood in Yorkshire sounds glorious: play-acting and cycling and going to the theatre (her parents were involved in am-dram), and when she went to boarding school nearby, that was “heaven”, too. So you didn’t even have a tricky adolescence?

“Well, I remember my mother saying to me when I was at art school, ‘You are without doubt the most intolerant person I’ve ever met.’ I think I found fault with everything. And I remember not being able to say anything back, and just looking out of the window. She said it to my back.” A pause. “It’s very good to be told that early.” Did you take it on board? “I hope so. Because I think I am quite tolerant now. To a certain extent.”

What can’t you tolerate? “I can’t tolerate the bastardisation of the English language,” she says with a cackle. “I’m always screaming at Sammy. He says, ‘I was laying there.’ And I say, ‘Hens lay — lying, lying!’” She also says that she doesn’t like it when an actor turns up to rehearsals unprepared: “It’s not up to you to take up another person’s time.” This is easy to visualise. She says often how much she loves working in an ensemble, but you can be sure that once she’s in one, the dame is very much a dame.

I ask who, of all the people she has met, she’d like to talk to again. “Oh, Gielgud. So funny! Terribly funny and irrelevant — I mean irreverent! Oh, he would send me up for that.” Also, she would like to meet Shakespeare, “to see if he had any more plays up his sleeve, or doublet”.

Lots of interviews dwell on Dench’s grief after losing Williams (and her new relationship with David Mills, whom she met at the opening of his squirrel sanctuary). But I was interested in how she and Williams met, and how it felt at the time. She met him in a pub on Drury Lane, in the early 1960s. Did she find him attractive at first?

“No, we just laughed a lot. And we went on meeting like that occasionally, and having a good laugh.” Things came to a head when he joined her on a theatrical tour in Australia, and he took it upon himself to propose; they finally wed in 1971. Had it been her ambition to be married? In the early 1970s, I’d assume mid-thirties was late for such a thing, especially for a woman wanting children.

“Oh, I wanted to be married and have six children! That’s a big regret in my life. But at least I have one divine girl, and a grandson.” But was she panicked at all about whether she’d settle down? You see, Judi, I’m 34 and single. “No, 34 is fine,” she says firmly. “It’s fine.” Yes, yes, but did you feel that way at the time?

“Oh, I know, but I was in love so, so much, all the time,” she replies dreamily. Before Michael? “Oh yeah. Mmm.” With varying levels of success? “Oh, hopeless.” Unrequited? “No!” She gives a cough, which for once might be a planned one. “No. Requited! It was just the most glorious time, a wonderful, wonderful time,” she says. “So don’t give up because you’re 34. Certainly don’t.”

The Munshi’s tale

Victoria and Abdul’s story began in 1887, her golden jubilee year. As part of the celebrations, she was presented with two Indian servants from Agra. Victoria took a shine to the more handsome of the two and integrated him into her household. For Abdul Karim, a humble clerk, this was a vertiginous elevation, though he balked at the menial work she demanded and asked to be sent home. The queen, 68, besotted with the 24-year-old, refused.

Very soon, she promoted him from simple manservant to “Munshi”, or teacher, asking him to give her lessons in Hindustani. The fruits of these labours are her Hindustani Journals, all 13 volumes of which are at Windsor Castle. They are a symbol of the empress-queen’s fervour for all things Indian, as encouraged by Karim — not least a good curry. Chicken and dal were her favourites.

Victoria’s family and entourage detested Karim. They railed and plotted against him, even threatening a mass walkout in 1897, but Victoria stood firm. When she died, however, retribution was swift. The new Edward VII ordered that all trace of Karim be removed; the king’s sister Beatrice excised all signs of him from her mother’s diary. Karim was sent back to India, where he would die eight years later in 1909, aged 46. Luckily, though, he left a diary with his relatives — a huge help to the journalist Shrabani Basu when she started researching his extraordinary story a few years ago. It’s on her book that Stephen Frears’s film is based.

A small trace of Karim survives at Victoria’s private retreat on the Isle of Wight, Osborne House. Two photographs hang in her dressing room, one on top of the other: one is of John Brown, the Scotsman who guided her through the darkest years of her widowhood; the other of her dear Munshi, who consoled her thereafter.

[lalelilolusworld]

Ep. 13 isn’t thought through at all

So the 143h episode is out on the German servers also. I missed the opportunity to slap Miiko :/ Like I understand her and all but that shit was a dick move.

Well at least I could slap Valkyon (why does he betray me this much come on (but his pic is the best in my opinion)).

But I’m like: If we have to wait for the next full moon, why didn’t we try to talk to the other humans?? I mean it’s like the most obvious of possibilities. Maybe they could’ve gotten us home??? I mean they have to go home some way. And if we know it we could like help Eldarya and tell them the method because if it’s easy we could just go back again and again and again and bring food and like fucking cooking books. How hard can it be to boil noodles (yes i’m looking at you Ez and Karuto).

Miiko is all like “Uhh we have to talk to everyone, so there is peace in Eldarya and we can defend ourselves”

Me: WHY NOT FUCKING TALK TO THE PEOPLE THAT COULD ACTUALLY HELP YOU?!

what makes this whole thing worse is that I know, it won’t get better next episode because I know that the Gardienne won’t have the opportunity to say fuck you all, gonn fuck Jamon now (why isn’t Jamon a possible love intrest? I mean look at him! look. at. him. He’s like the cutest and best of all if them. he actually cares!!)

And I still want Guardienne to say fuck you to everybody, study the portals really good in the library and  find things no one else did (like Sam in GoT S7 with the dragonglass, maybe a secret portal opening minerals mine) then always chose missions that will lead her into areas where she can get the stuff, then leave when she got everything she needs, leaving everything behind (I’ve got a whole fucking scene layed out in my head for especially this; skip the next paragraph if it bores you; and it’s everything with Val betraying her because he is my favourite)

- She gives cryllis back the talisman in his room he made/will have made for her with a little note saying that she doesn’t need it anymore and that maybe he could use it sometime and that she’s very thankful for it - gives Karuto a receipt for dunno cooking fcking noodles (because I like Karuto and the others don’t deserve to eat uncooked stuff, even though I like uncooked noodles quiet a bit) - leaves at the night and Jamon has guarding duty and opens the door for her even though he knows she has no mission; when she is about to go out he asked her if he is ever going to see her again and Gardienne says hopefully not, hugs him tight, whispers thank you in his ear and kisses his cheek (you can tell I really like Jamon, really like that big buffon) - before that Ez/nev meets her (I tend a little more to Ez but nevra would make more sense because he is more likely to be somewhere at night and maybe a little more observant? but i like him the least so i go for ez) and they suspect something (because he looked up which books gardienne lent from the library and read a little in them to find out what they are about because obviously gardienne is like normal to everyone but really, reserved and doesn’t show her true feelings anymore (especially the boys and miiko and maybe everyoine she finds out about being involoved in that gloris potion idea). I mean she’s been betrayed c’mon) but don’t say anything about it and acts normal (they believe it when we say we go on a secret mission for Miiko) -Chrom our little fella kind of knows whats up when we leave the room in the darkest our, with traveling gear and follows us to the beach where we already have a boat hidden. He tries to convince us to stay and fights with tears, we tell him we love him hug him tight and cry. (Chrom is really a sweatheart, that little troll, he’s nr2 right after Jamon, if he’d be just couple years older.... :DDDD) -we take that boat and sail to kappa island, maybe meet elliot and just leave that fcking place. -in our home world we see that there is nothing left for us and we remember the people in Eldarya that were nice to us (not you Valkyon, Miiko, Leiftan, Ez, and Nev) and the party they threw us and that maybe we should help the innocent because we see that there is nothing left for us on our world (ofc we check on our parents and see that another daighter/child in our age has taken our place, so we leave them be without trying to contact them or anything. -we collect stuff we know the people would like - Yhkar: fairy tail books? - alayeah: pretty pearl necklace - kero: something about time or so . Chrome: many hugs and the story Hans in Luck - Karenn some story book about spies - Jamon: a nice dagger from the human world - ewelein: books on medicine that could work in Eldarya - Karuto: a nice think cooking book -  Purrekos would get some ordinary human world items to sell (I bet that would give us a good discount because of it) - Merry: stuffed sheep plushi- Cryllis: dram catcher as exampel of a human world talisman - even Miiko gets something: hentai Ahri pictures just to annoy her (if you don’t know ahri just google it :D) -and of course loads of food, well at least as much as we can carry in a really big back  (we could dress as Mrs. Clause) -after we come back (using the same mushroom circle again and landing nect to the crystal) we give miiko her present wordles, get to our old room (it’s like when we first arrive or nobodx touched it, haven’t decided yet) sleep a night, give everyone else their present -tell only Chrome and Jamon where we are heading to, leave the HQ and go to either the Kappas and try to help them by having similar books to Ewelein’s and healing minor wounds or just providing goods or sth. -we eventually become their kind of queen/protectionist goddess and get sick -even though we forbid them to tell the guard where we are they see no other possibility to bring us to them because they fear we die -oh and chrome visits us sometimes (he’s a good almost son) 

Whew so that’s a bit. If someone wants to make it into a fanfiction please do (can change anything you want) because I’ll probably never write it.

TL;DR -stupid plan of Miiko; better possibilities (talk???) -we leave Eel -come back again -become the Kappa Queen

[deeranger]

MY turn, muahahaha! No. 11, 25, 31, 32, 39, and 40 from the asks list. Pleeeease

Very well, madam.... ♥

11 - Do you listen to music when writing?

CAN I GET A REWIIIIIND!? Heehee. Quote, self:Yes, I do! Low volume though because I get easily distracted. I always listen to the same 3 albums when I sit down to write. It’s either the “Mezzanine” album by Massive Attack, “Acoustic Volume II” by Above & Beyond - and when I’m feeling a little bold, the “Queen of the Damned” soundtrack. Yup. 

25 - Favorite line you’ve ever written?

Oy!!! Hey, that's an impossibly hard one! I don't have one! Mostly because I find pretty much none of my sentences/lines mentionably good. Mm... And by "line", do you mean sentence or something a character says? Hahahah. God, I shouldn't answer this while drunk. Trying to make up for that, I'll try to give you one of each:  

A sentence I found to be less ordinary than the others and therefore kinda better: "He could already hear the mocking laughter and his vivid imagination almost allowed him to taste blood in his mouth from imaginary fists pummeling him". (From the fic "Prohibited")

And this I find kinda cute. Even when taken out of context. A line that my James McAvoy character in a yet unpublished fic says:"I'd be an embarrassment to the nation of Scotland if I turn down a free dram of fine whiskey... even if it's Irish,"  

31 - Easiest part of writing?

Unrealistically daydreaming about how awesome the text flow will be and how perfect and catchy the storyline will turn out....? Hahah, but other than that - for me there's this kind of phase in every fic where the story writes itself. This dreamy stage between major events which I first don't have a clue about how to link - and it almost keeps me awake at night, pondering.... then I eventually give up and sit down and just write whatever comes to mind, and the puzzle solves itself somehow. Yasss!    

32 - Alternate title for (insert story title)?

I'm afraid I can't answer that question. I always have trouble coming up with story titles in the first place, so it's not like i EVER have an alternate one. LOL.  Sorreeeeee.

39 - Do you want to be published some day?

Mm, wouldn't mind it. It's not something I strive for. Guess it would be cool.  

40 - Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

"A Fighting Chance", my multichaptered (21K) McFassy non-con fic, which you can find here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5891923/chapters/13580221

Oooooooor maybe -"Taking Game", my dub-con medieval Cherik AU one-shot, which you can find here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8306485