#yes and he's very sexy for it and I want him to kill his dad

[margridarnauds]

I'll be honest, like, I take whatever food we're given and I would continue to take whatever food we're given, but there hasn't been a single narrative change L*rian's made that would make me actively look forward to a Raphael romance that they endorsed.

[the-flaneur]

four-tune favours the bold (mv1)

pairing: max verstappen x alonso!reader [smau]

summary: having won his fourth world title, max finds no better time to tell your father that you're dating (and to maybe also get his blessing)

warnings: none (i think)

a/n: now that we finally have M4X (yipeeeeee), can we please get goatlonso back, preferably in the next few years (pls let the newey rocketship work)

[masterlist] [requests]

-> instagram

y/n_priv

liked by fatherofthree, blackdontcrack, inchident_no1 and others

y/n_priv reactions after max told me he had told dad about us (he lied)

view all comments

blackdontcrack max stop sending your girlfriend into a heart attack, she's already getting one from your kids

fatherofthree she learnt that one from you and roscoe 💀 blackdontcrack HEY. my son is very well behaved

notnowinsnomore I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WONT JUST TELL HIM, IT'S NOT THAT HARD MAX

fatherofthree DO YOU WANT TO TELL HIM FOR ME 🤨🤨🤨 notnowinsnomore NO???? DO YOU THINK I WANT TO DIE??? notnowinsnomore IT'S ALSO YOUR RELATIONSHIP, NOT MINE

honeyhoney you've got to give him like 10 years to process that you're even in the same social sphere as his daughter...good luck man

fatherofthree thanks dan 😖 fatherofthree padel later? y/n_priv no? we have our date??? 😧😧😧 honeyhoney you beating up max now y/nnie? y/n_priv 😁👍

yourbff_priv babes ditch the men for me 😍

y/n_priv yes wifey 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 fatherofthree @/yourbff_priv stop stealing MY girlfriend yourbff_priv skill issue

fatherofthree

liked by y/n_priv, inchident_no1, notnowinsnomore and others

fatherofthree stopped her from becoming blonde and still got kisses xoxo

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notnowinsnomore that second picture is exactly is what's gonna put you on top of fernando's kill list

fatherofthree no it wont notnowinsnomore yes it will inchident_no1 yes it will blackdontcrack yes it will honeyhoney yes it will ima5starmichelin yes it will buzzlightyear yes it will y/n_priv yes it will fatherofthree ok maybe it will. but fernando doesn't need to know

inchident_no1 your rendition of my heart goes on is truly...

y/n_priv truly what CHARLES? say it with your pussy fatherofthree YEAH WHAT SHE SAID inchident_no1 rubbish 🙄 y/n_priv BOOOOOOO YOU'RE RUBBISH

y/n_priv

liked by fatherofthree, spicysugarbaby, inchident_no1 and others

y/n_priv PUTTING IT ALL ON BLACK! VIVA LAS VEGAS BABY 🤩 YOU ARE WELCOME TO JOIN US AT THE MGM UNTIL THURSDAY MORNING @/f1

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inchident_no1 should've bet on red 😉 wouldn't have lost you 100k

spicysugarbaby agreed 🤭 blackdontcrack well i SEVERELY disagree since we won 250k on the next spin on black so.... fatherofthree I LEAVE YOU ALONE WITH THEM FOR 10 MINUTES AND YOU'VE ALREADY BET 250K??? y/n_priv yeah but it's an investment babe 😘

antman can i join you guys? 🥺🥺🥺

y/n_priv not yet little kimi, in another three years (i think; i'll take you to the casino then myself ☺️) y/n_priv and yes you too @/we_are_barebears we_are_barebears YESSSSS 😌

f1 can i come over pls pls

y/n_priv of course admin ❤️ f1 yay 😁

-> messages

-> instagram

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, lewishamilton, fernandoalo_oficial and others

yourusername feeling right at home here, dressed and betting on red

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user1 HOLY LORD MOTHER IS FINALLY BACK TO SERVE CUNT IN THE PADDOCK 🥵🥵🥵

user2 the sexy spanish alonso genes are real with this one yourusername i would hope so! 🥱 user3 istg ive never seen a spanish person look bad in red

user4 GOD REALLY GIVES US Y/N AS AN APOLOGY CAUSE HOW DOES SHE EXIST????

user5 she's literally a goddess on earth user6 the face economy is unreal with her 😍 yourusername cant just be a nepo baby, gotta make papa proud 😘

user7 super hyped for vegas now that you're here with us y/n 🤩

user8 hopefully we see another alonso top 10 (i can copium for a top 6) user9 he will literally dnf everyone if it means y/n gets to see him podium or win again (2023 was literally iconic) yourusername papa will be ready to make stroll do crashgate 😉 (but i've asked him to refrain for this weekend) user10 ya'll y/n's cooking 😌😌😌

user11 ERM ANYONE GONNA BRING UP PIC 3 CAUSE....

user12 YA'LL GIRLIE I WAS GONNA SAY THE SAME THING user13 who's that @/yourusername 🤨 user14 who's that @/yourusername 🤨 yourusername no comment 🥺👉👈 user15 whoever that is do be looking fine affff user16 also probably fearing for his life, considering she's got like ten godfathers and then over twenty drivers ready to bash a man for her 💀💀💀

user17 THE FERRARI AURA IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE 😆

fernandoalo_oficial who's that princessa

yourusername i will tell you soon papa 😁

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, landonorris and others

maxverstappen1 suited up and ready to take on vegas. 💪 bring on the race 🎰

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user18 STILL COOKING WITH A SLIGHTLY COOKED CAR, LETS GET TITLE NUMBER 4 💪💪💪

user19 literally salivating over pic one, cause he's so fine 🥵

user20 waiting for "2024 fia f1 world champion is max verstappen"

user21 SIMPLY LOVELY PUTTING YOURSELF INTO A STRONG POSITION

user22 getting the ladies i see in pic two 🤣

user23 he knows what he wants, and what he's going to get afterwards 😏

user24 VIVA LAS VEGASSSSSS, GETTING READY TO RUMBLE

-> twitter

-> irl

as max stepped out of the cockpit of his red bull - his gloved hands trembling slightly - he could feel the relief coursing through him, palpable even under the thick layers of his racing suit and balaclava. the cold autumn air nipped at his damp skin, but he barely noticed, lost in the overwhelming rush of emotions.

after a very, very long season, filled with challenges both in and out of the car, he had finally done it…he had won his fourth world championship. 

as he stood there under the vegas lights, savoring this triumphant moment in front of the roaring crowd, his thoughts drifted to you.

throughout the year, your presence had always been a beacon amidst the chaos, a constant reminder of what truly mattered to him beyond the roar of engines and the glare of millions of fans. as he ran towards his team, his chest pounding and blood rushing in his ears, he thought of your earlier message, and his heart swelled with affection for you. he knew now was finally the perfect opportunity to share his love for you with the rest of the world.

as you watched max leap into the waiting arms of his jubilant crew, who slapped his back, clapping and cheering, chanting his name, you tried furiously to blink away the tears. your boyfriend had finally achieved his fourth world title, and he was making both of your wishes come true.

walking over to the other drivers, max felt the hand of another behind him. turning around, the butterflies in his stomach heaved once again, coming face to face with your father, fernando alonso. max's exuberant gaze locked onto the figure before him, and as their eyes met, max felt the familiar flutter of nervousness in his chest, a sensation he'd grown accustomed to whenever thinking of you and your father.

"max," fernando greeted him warmly, extending a strong hand. "congratulations. you've earned every bit of this championship." max clapped his hand firmly, trying to hide the slight tremble behind his grin. "thank you, fernando,”

max blushed for a second, as fernando leant up to pinch his cheeks, while also grinning widely at him. as fernando's gaze lingered on max, he thought for a second that he had found out about the two of you, and was instead ready to pull him by the cheek in for a very obvious threat and kick to the balls.

"i must say," fernando began, his tone sincere, "you've shown remarkable resilience this season. much like myself. i hope to see you continue working hard for many years," his words carried a hint of approval.

max swallowed hard, his mind racing, as he opened his mouth to speak.

“i-i’m dating your daughter,” max’s heart pounded in his chest, the words tumbling from his lips before he could stop them. fernando’s expression remained jubilant, but there was a glimmer of something unreadable in his eyes. the air between them seemed to crackle with tension.

“i…i didn’t know she was seeing someone,” fernando said slowly, his voice low and controlled, as he waved to the crowd, whilst pulling max towards the other drivers. there was no denying the facts now – fernando knew about their relationship. and while max couldn’t read the older man’s thoughts, he felt a surge of nervous energy course through him. would this revelation change things? between him and fernando?

as if sensing his turmoil, fernando turned back around abruptly, causing max to jump slightly.

fernando studied max intently, his expression unreadable. then, slowly, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "but i'm glad to hear that it's you max. my daughter deserves nothing less than the best."

with those words, fernando extended his hand once more, this time with a newfound warmth that spoke volumes. max grasped it firmly, sealing a silent pact between them. as they released their grip, fernando placed a hand on max's shoulder, pulling him in. "but listen closely mijo," he said, still grinning but his voice low and conspiratorial, "you mess with my daughter, and i will not hesitate to run you off the track or run you over. if you care for her, then show her that she's your number one priority, both on and off the track."

max felt a chill run down his spine at fernando's warning, but he also sensed a strange kind of respect behind it. this was a man who protected his family fiercely, and max wanted nothing more than to earn his place within that circle.

"yes, sir," he replied fervently, meeting fernando's intense stare head-on. "she is my priority, always. i promise you, i'll do whatever it takes to make her happy and keep her safe." fernando studied him for a long moment, searching for any sign of doubt. finally, he gave a curt nod, releasing max's shoulder.

"alright then," he said, "just remember what i told you. and welcome to the family, officially." as fernando walked away, max took a deep breath, his mind already racing. he glanced around at the celebrating crowd, their faces alight with joy and admiration, and couldn't help but feel a sense of pride swell within him.

but more than anything, max yearned to share this moment with you, to bask in the glow of his victory together and celebrate the love that had sustained him throughout the season. max scanned the bustling crowd, his eyes searching for a glimpse of your familiar features amidst the sea of faces. spotting you lingering nervously near the red bull personnel, he pushed through the throng of people, making a beeline directly for you. as he drew nearer, you couldn't help but notice the look of pure adoration etched across his handsome features. his dark hair was damp with sweat, his broad shoulders still trembling slightly from the exertion of the race. but his eyes shone brightly with triumph and something far warmer - his love for you.

"y/n!" he called out, his voice ringing above the din of the party. pulling you through the celebrating crowd, he wrapped you up in a crushing embrace, lifting you off your feet. you melted into his embrace, pouring every ounce of your joy, pride, and adoration into it.

your laughter mingled with the roar of the crowd as max set you back on your feet, his hands lingering on your waist. he gazed into your eyes, his own shimmering with unshed tears of happiness. in that moment, the rest of the world faded away, leaving only the two of you, suspended in a bubble of pure bliss.

"y/n," max whispered, his voice thick with emotion, "i did it. we did it." he pressed his forehead against yours, savoring the warmth of your skin and the closeness that came with sharing such an intimate moment.

your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer until your lips met in a searing kiss, pouring years of shared dreams and unspoken promises into that single, passionate gesture. the world around them melted away as max lost himself in the taste and feel of your lips, his body molding perfectly against yours. his hands roamed over your curves, tracing the contours he knew so well, as if mapping out the path to your heart.

when you finally broke apart, both panting for air, max rested his forehead against yours, his eyes shining with a mixture of triumph and tenderness. "i want to spend the rest of my life making you feel this way," he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. "i want to wake up every morning with you by my side and fall asleep every night in your arms."

he reached into his pocket, his fingers brushing against the small velvet box that had been burning a hole there since the day he decided to propose. max dropped to one knee, his heart pounding in his chest as he gazed up at you with a look of pure adoration. the crowd around them seemed to hold its collective breath, the anticipation palpable in the air.

with trembling hands, max opened the box, revealing a stunning diamond ring nestled within. the stone glittered under the bright lights of the track, casting glittering cascades of light across your face.

"y/n," max began, his voice steady despite the overwhelming emotions coursing through him, "from the moment we met, you've been the driving force behind everything i've achieved. your love, support, and unwavering belief in me have pushed me to become the best version of myself, both on and off the track."

he paused, swallowing hard as he fought back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

"marry me," max breathed, his voice barely above a whisper. "become my wife. let's race through life together because i want to spend the rest of my life with you, and no one else, i love you,"

with a shaky nod, you sank to your knees before him, cupping his face in your hands as you peppered his cheeks with tender kisses. "yes," you whispered, your voice choked with emotion. "a thousand times yes."

max slid the ring onto your finger, and pulling you up with him to your feet. spinning you around once more, your laughter ringing out like the sweetest melody. the crowd surged forward, enveloping you both in a sea of congratulations and well-wishes, their excitement nearly tangible in the air.

as the celebrations continued around them, max pulled you close, his lips finding yours in a passionate kiss that left no doubt about the depth of his love and commitment. in that moment, surrounded by the people who mattered most, max knew that this was just the beginning of a lifetime of victories, both on and off the track.

-> instagram

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, lewishamilton, charles_leclerc and others

yourusername I LOVE LAS VEGAS BABYYYYY 😘 but in all honesty, i'm so so so proud of you max (more than words or actions could ever express). seeing you grow throughout the past four years into the champion you are today, is more than any gift i could ever receive. there were far more battles and challenges from this season, but you rose above them every time. you are a champion, both on and off the racetrack and you will never be alone in this world, as long as i'm here. keep them coming baby. i love you, forever and always 🧡

comments on this post have been limited

maxverstappen1 i love you very much schatje, thank you for always being there for me 😘

fernandoalo_oficial i am very happy for the both of you 😁👍

yourusername thank you papa ☺️ promise me you wont shunt into max next race? fernandoalo_oficial no promises sorry princessa 🤭

maxverstappen1

liked by landonorris, francolapinto, yourusername and others

maxverstappen1 four time world champion baby!!! a season full of challenges, but with the support, dedication and the effort of the team, this result would not have been possible 🙌 a huge thank you to all involved for this incredible achievement 👏

and i just want to say the biggest thank you to the love of my life, my girlfriend of four years, and now my fiancee, y/n alonso. i love you so much, and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you (even if your dad wants to run me over now)

comments on this post have been limited

yourusername i love you more than anything else in this world maxie 🧡

permanent f1 taglist (comment or msg me to join)

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@daisyfreecs @euphorihan @louloucs @oikarma @dying-inside-but-its-classy

@fadingcloudballoon @princessminjikwon @chick-from-nz @nina-or-anna-or-nora

© the-flanuer || do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platform.

[merthosus]

Wounded nights

Summary: In the quiet of the night, you and Five exchange sharp words, your usual bickering escalating. But when your exhaustion breaks through, Five's demeanor shifts unexpectedly as he offers a rare moment of comfort. The tension between you crackles as he pulls you close, the intensity of the moment leaving you both breathless.

Here a sexy poster from Five I fell in love with! With every purchase you automatically support me :) https://amzn.to/3yGK6Fm

"It all felt so right, and yet so wrong"

You and Five never got along, constantly arguing and bickering. You’re not surprised to see him having coffee this late at night. With a deep breath you stride into the kitchen, hoping to pass without him noticing.

“What are you doing here?” Five asks, raising an eyebrow, his green eyes piercing into yours. "Pouring myself a nice cup of tea", you tell him. You go to the counter and take a cup out of the kitchen cabinet. He leans back in his seat, observing you. “Tea? Seriously?” he says, his tone dripping with skepticism. "Do I need to know what's wrong with it?", you ask while putting the kattle on. He scoffs at your response. “It’s just stupid, what’s the point of drinking hot leaf water this late?”

"What's the deal with coffee beans, shredded and put in hot water? You know what, forget it, I don't have time for this now", you tell him while waiting inpatient for the kattle to be ready. Usually you liked this kind of bickering with him but today you weren't in the mood, especially after this mission. He smirked at your comment before letting out a scoff. “Oh, don’t get your panties in a twist, darling. I’m just saying coffee is a lot more useful than that tea crap", he says. "Listen here dipshit. It's FUCKING 3 am and I can't sleep, SO DRINKING COFFEE WOULD NOT HELP", you yell. "Ok, so I had a very bad day so please, not now five alright?", you explain to him.

He sat in stunned silence for a few moments, surprised by your outbursts. You rarely raised your voice to him. His usual sarcastic comments died on his tongue as he looked at you, really looked, and saw the exhaustion in your eyes. He sighs, his expression softening. “…I…I apologize. I shouldn’t be picking on you this late. You’ve had a hard day?” "Forget it Five", you say while hiding the tears in your eyes. You squad down to grab a tea bag.

He stares at you for a few moments before sighing again. “..Why can’t you sleep?” he asks, his usually sharp tone soften, something unfamiliar to him. The sight of you trying to fight back tears was also a new sight. He’d never seen you this vulnerable. It stirred something inside of him he couldn’t quite identify. "I don't know, maybe the moon or something, ask Luther he would love to talk about it", you lie while still searching for the tea. He rolled his eyes seeing through your lie.

“Bullshit the moon. I’m not as stupid as the rest of them, darling. Tell me.” he says firmly, crossing his arms. "Cut the darling bullshit, you getting on my nerves", you say. "I just want a tea", you exclaim still searching the whole cabinet. You wipe a few tears away to see better. He raised an incredulous eyebrow, the sight of you trying to fight back tears caught him off guard, causing his heart to squeeze in a way he had never felt before. He stood up and walked over next to you, his eyes flickering to the cabinet.

“You didn’t answer my question.” he said, his voice firm yet surprisingly softer. He could tell you were on the verge of crying. "You letting me alone when I tell you?", you ask not looking up at him. He paused for a few moments before sighing. He leaned against the counter, arms still crossed but his gaze softened as he looked at you. “..If you answer truthfully, yes”, he says. "Dad sent me on a hard mission....", you try your hardest to fight back your tears. "I killed a child, five", you let the last sentence out with a hard cry, falling together.

Five’s heart dropped to his stomach as he heard you confess. He had never seen you so fragile. He knelt beside you, seeing the tears streaming down your face and his chest tightened, the unusual feeling he had before intensifying. He hated seeing you so broken. He reaches out and hesitantly put his hand on your shoulder, not sure what to say but hating the sound of your sobs. "Fuck...", he mutters. You look up at him. Reginald always made you do things they didn't want to do, but this goes too far.

He meets your gaze and he clenches his jaw. You look so broken and small, something he had never seen before. He sees how tears stream down your cheeks and your lip trembles as you try to hold back more tears. The sight of it causes a wave of emotions inside of him, but he pushes them down as best he can. He swallows thickly and speaks, his voice hoarse. “..Why did you have to.. kill the kid?”. "He didn't tell me why, he told me a name and that was it", you say while still heavenly crying. "I hate myself", you let your head fall into your hands.

The sound of you hating yourself makes his heart ache. He wants to argue, to get you to stop thinking like that, but he doesn’t know how. He’s never been in this situation before, not even with his siblings. But seeing you so broken, he couldn’t stand it. He moved closer, sitting next to you, leaning his back onto the cabinet. He still had no idea how to deal with this, but he had to say something, anything.

“Hey, listen to me, darling”. He stares into your eyes, his gaze intense, almost pleading. “Listen to me carefully, yeah? I don’t want to hear you hating yourself, ever. You hear me?” he says firmly, his hand still on your shoulder. Something about seeing you this vulnerable was driving him insane. You suddently ignore the fact, that you hate each other and fall into his arms, burring your face into his neck. He froze, caught off guard as you do this, sitting on his lap. For a moment he just sits there, not sure what to do. He’s never been this close to you before, let alone held by you, he’s not sure what to do. In a tentative, almost awkward motion, he slowly raises his hands and gently wraps his arms around you, holding you as you cry into him.

You sob and pull yourself closer to him. He can feel his heartbeat picking up as you press closer to him, resting your head against his chest. He swallows thickly as he holds you, his arms instinctively holding you tighter against him. The sound of your sobs, the feeling of your body warmth, it’s overwhelming but he can’t bring himself to let go. Instead, he gently rests his chin on top of your head, silently hating the situation that led to this.

"Thank you five", you whisper. He’s silent for another few moments, simply holding you. Hearing your small voice made something in his chest clench. He gently runs a hand over your hair, trying to soothe you. He sighs before answering you. “…don’t mention it, darling”. It feels like his torso is pulling all of the sadness out of you. Without even realizing he’s doing it, he continues to slowly brush his fingers through your hair as he holds you. It’s such an intimate, soft action, something he’s never done before with anyone. The feeling of you against him, the sound of your breathing slowly becoming steady as the minutes pass by, it all makes his heart race. He had no idea why.

With every stroke your heart lights up and with every breath of his scent your eyes go heavier. He didn’t know how long he sat there, holding you, his fingers gently running through your hair, hearing the sound of your breathing calming down. Every few moments he glances down at you, seeing your eyes slowly start to flutter shut. It doesn’t take much for him to notice your growing exhaustion. He gently shifts his body slightly, still holding you, but now leaning comfortably back into the cabinets as he continued to hold you, his fingers still running through your hair. As you begin to fall asleep, your hand falls down onto his. On the vague of falling asleep, you wait for his reaction.

He feels your hand fall down onto his and hesitates for a moment before gently intertwining your fingers together, silently holding your hand. He glances down at you and sees your eyes half-lidded, tiredness washing over you. Seeing you so exhausted, he gently rubs his thumb over your hand, his heart clenching in his chest. You fall asleep on this shoulder, whole body connected with his. Your one arm hanging loose over his other shoulder and the other one hand intertwined with his fingers. Your thighs on the sides of his and your hand hanging in his neck. His other hand is hanging down your thigh.

He stays there like that for a while, holding you as you slept, his mind whirling with conflicting thoughts. He should get up and take you to your room, he knows that. But he also didn’t want to wake you, and he silently enjoys the feel of you against him. He also knows how awkward it’ll be when you wake and realize the position you’re in, and yet he still holds you and gently runs his fingers through your hair, trying to pretend to himself that he doesn’t want this.

He looks down at you, his eyes tracing over your sleeping face. You looked so different while you slept, so peaceful, so vulnerable. The sight of you so close to him makes his heart constrict in his chest. He swallows thickly, cursing himself for not pushing you away already. He lets his head rest against yours, his face buried in your hair. He keeps his arms around you, holding you close, the sound of your breathing causing his heart to race. But despite himself, he slowly finds himself growing more and more tired. The feeling of you against him, along with the exhaustion of the past few minutes, causes his eyes to slowly close as he drifts off to sleep with you still in his arms.

As he drifts off to sleep, he subconsciously tightens his arms around you, pulling you closer against him, his face still buried in your hair. The sound of your heartbeat, the feeling of your body against his, the scent of you so near him, it’s all overwhelming, but he didn’t care. He just held you tighter, his mind too tired to think straight, and slowly fell deeper into sleep. He stays asleep for hours, arms still holding you closely, face still buried in your hair. The sound of your breathing gently lulling him into a deep sleep, he didn’t even move an inch. The feeling of you against him, the scent of you, it all felt so right, and yet so wrong at the same time. He never thought he would find himself in this situation, and yet here he was, holding you as if you were the most precious thing in the world to him.

(This story is a chat with character Ai. I made this story with him and thought that this was so cute that I needed to share it with you guys. I also revised it and wrote a few things different)

Here Part 2: https://www.tumblr.com/merthosus/760008884646772736/wounded-nights-part-2-summary-thats-not?source=share

[mv1simp]

I am in ur walls

I have come to raise the idea of, and hear me out, Max x PR officer reader. I’m just gonna yap now, hear me out

Like can you imagine Max going through his hoe phase and reader having to clean up his image, and she’s just fondly like UGH MAX. Part of her is like blehhhhh because more work, but the bigger part of her is like ✨jealous✨

And then at some point she makes an offhand comment like if you want to be a whore, can you at LEAST not make more work for me????

Cue Max and her starting to be a thing, and him trying to rile her up enough to get her to be their own PR issue just for shits and giggles and he gets quite risque and horny and her resistance to it just turns him on even more until he’s saying and doing the filthiest shit in the middle of the paddock just to get her to crack——

Also can you imagine how hilarious it would be if they get caught and GP is like NOT YOU TOO READER LIKE DOES HE HAVE A MAGIC DICK OR SMTH——

WELCOME TO MY WALLS!!! This idea HAS ME ahahahah see I was always a crackfic writer at age 12 on wattpad, its time to remerge into the light with this prompt

Like you know how max is so millennial coded. And she’s actually the same age as him but he thinks she’s older cause she’s always looking so stressed. And she like um that’s cause you’re a fuckin manwhore max?!? Have you thought about celibacy for a hot second? And as they become better friends she demands he hand over his card so she can invest in some good skincare

(max also suggests maybe she needs to get dicked down good, he’s happy to provide that if she wants or? 🤭🤭)

But anyways she’s pumping out Gen z memes left right and centre to distract the masses from his slut era and he’s always like wdym “i have zero rizz and am a bitchless cat dad”?? I know memes?? Remember hawk thua-

ALSO WHENEVER HE REALLY TRIES TO RILE HER UP ON THE PADDOCK AND SHE CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT SHE MAKES HIM DO THE MOST ANNOYING SOCIAL MEDIA CHALLENGES TO GET BACK AT HIM like imagine her making him do a kiss marry kill with the drivers and he’s like 😑😑 and everyone’s like babes come here we got max Verstappen saying he’d kiss Alonso, marry charles and kill George before GTA 2024

ALSO I’m jumping the gun but after he ✨seduces her ✨ there’s so much scope for the classic shenanigans. Accidentally wearing shirts inside out. Accidentally wearing each others Redbull shirt and she could get away with oversized style but everyone’s like “max why tf are u wearing a crop top”. (GP knows. He knows and he can’t look either of you in the eye. Everyone has started asking why he loudly announces himself and waits 10 seconds before walking around the corners of the Redbull garage and he’s like…no reason. But his face is one of a man who has seen many, many things)

Anyway you have ban any contact of sexual nature after that incident that you have dubbed CropTopGate. But obviosuly that just makes max even more feral cause we know how competitive he is 😼

ALSO he’s notorious for going through personal managers as well but once you two start getting tension but you’re still all like “nooo 6 foot driver millionaires aren’t my type okayyyy 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️”

So he demands that you be promoted to his personal events manager as well. To which you are adamantly like NO knowing what this means for your poor self control but Christian Horner is like yes maxie boo 🥰 so now you also accompany max to all his lil modelling gigs, looking anywhere but at him while he stands shirtless next to you with a cocky grin.

OR LIKE IMAGINE HE AND A MODEL ARE DOING AN ADVERTISEMENT TOGETHER LIKE ONE OF THOSE SEXY PERFUME ONES. AND DURING A BREAK THE PHOTOGRAPHER NOTICES YOU AND MAX TALKING TOGETHER

and he’s like i don’t care who you are get over here NOW this sexual chemistry is insane so you end up in a very compromising pose up against max verstappen, F1 driver, cat dad, and certified slut while he’s whispering dirty things in your ear

(He catches on quick that you really likes it when he speaks Dutch, good thing you can’t understand it cause he’s just reciting his grocery list and enjoying watching you blush and squeeze your legs together)

very cute idea hehe thank you for messaging!! I LIVE for some sexual tension, reader is a better woman than me for trying to resist the advances of max 😮‍💨😮‍💨

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

DAI x BG3 matchups I need to see. I’m not good at writing crossovers nor am I clever at all. This is very much non-exhaustive and very much not the end point of these characters’ potential interactions with each other.

Karlach + Sera + Iron Bull

The absolute chaos. The absolute CHAOS. A powerhouse. Putting aside Karlach’s demon heritage aside, she and Iron Bull tossing back tankards and swapping war stories as vets that have been dealt shitty hands but continue to chug along despite it. Karlach and Sera connecting over growing up mainly on the streets and having soft spots for little ragamuffins. Plus they all talk about women’s tits a lot. I feel Sera would find Karlach sexy and funny.

Wyll + Cole

Like Solas and Varric, Wyll would take to Cole because he recognizes Cole’s desire to help others, even if his methods are a bit unorthodox. He would recognize Cole’s soul as gentle and kind, and his efforts to atone for the murders he committed in the Tower as proof of his humanity. He will join the Uncle-Dad Duo and complete the Uncle-Dad Trio. Cole would gravitate toward Wyll’s goodness in turn, and probably tell Wyll that him making a contract wasn’t foolish because in the end he saved a city, and if that was his desire, then he committed no sin in doing so.

Solas + Astarion

The messiest shit can only occur, and my messy bitch self wants to see it. Watch as Solas’s upright and stiff demeanor utterly bores Astarion. Watch as Astarion’s selfishness, penchant for violence, and casual disregard for the well-being of others utterly pisses Solas the fuck off. Watch as Astarion yawns or interrupts Solas’s lectures with a “yes, yes, we get it” or the most dramatic eyeroll and overwrought “ugh”. Watch as Solas and Astarion immediately sniff each other out as liars and schemers from first jump and hold each other at a distance, the tension spiking at random moments early in them knowing each other where the other prods at their falsehoods. Watch as Astarion is dumbfounded by Solas expressing his condolences to Astarion upon learning of Astarion’s enslavement to his master, because how could a man who holds such reproach for him still manage to feel pity? ‘It is not pity, but compassion, which you are at liberty to reject. That is your right as a free man, just as it is my right to feel it.’

In the best case scenario, Astarion calms down eventually, teasing Solas but still treating him like that friend of a friend that you grudgingly admit is useful. I think a part of Astarion would find Solas’s penchant dislike of him funny.

Vivienne + Astarion + Dorian

We are all doomed. The haughtiness will be scarcely contained. Dorian and Astarion are definitely flirting. Fucking? Not sure. But definitely flirting and enjoying killing bad guys, playfully arguing over wine, snickering over Solas’s shabby dress.

Shadowheart + Leliana

Tools forged to serve a religious order? Check. Crisis of faith? Check. Subterfuge preferred? Check.

Lae’zel + Cassandra

Soldiers recognizing soldiers. 🫡 ‘Why are the men around me so annoying.’

Minsc & Boo + Cole

Cole might be able to understand Boo! If not his speech, then his little hamster feelings. Minsc might be wary of Cole for the information that he manages to glean from Minsc’s head, but his unquestioned understanding of Boo would probably smooth that bump in the road, right?

Solas + Gale

A friend remarked that Gale would remind Solas too much of himself (prideful, ambitious) and thus they would not get along. There is that. I think that Gale would get a small smile out of Solas every now and then with his quips, because Solas himself is clearly a fan of banter; Gale would provide more of the energy in the same way Dorian does with his and Solas’s more civil banters. Gale and Solas also both hold a great measure of respect and adoration for magic as a force, an element, a piece of entirety that is beautiful for its own existence. Not simply just what magic can do for them as wielders of magic, but what it is and how it does so much to enhance a person’s understanding and interaction with the world, as precious as sight or sound.

Minthara + Iron Bull

Oh she will have him cowed in a goddamn minute. Oh man. Oh no. ‘Yes ma’am’, ‘no ma’am’.

Minthara + Cassandra

Oh this would be so interesting. Disciplined, serious bulwarks with little time for silly little men—Minthara would share Cassandra’s frustration and lack of amusement with Varric, though Cassandra would consider her suggestions to maim him.

Solas + Halsin + Iron Bull

I see potential here. Iron Bull and Solas already have a dynamic of Iron Bull’s “I have a pretty good idea of who you are, and it’s a liar” toward Solas, while Solas grudgingly respects Iron Bull’s strength and mental acumen in the same way you would respect a very intelligent bear—do not draw attention more than necessary, but stand tall lest it smell fear. Halsin feels like a softer Iron Bull, a mediation between the two. Like Iron Bull, his stature and build belies a thoughtful and sharp mind. Like Solas, he sees everything as connected, feeding into the other as part of a system, and would too feel a sense of loss at magic and mundane being so dramatically split as it is in Thedas—an aberration against what is natural. Also like Iron Bull, he’s frank with his sexuality. I’m certain the two would swap stories over booze. The trio would be arguably the three most mature and experienced in a room in any given situation. Not only that, but Halsin is far more actively in touch with his heart and honest with his feelings than Solas or Iron Bull. The latter two very much care about their loved ones, but with Solas it is under the surface and with Iron Bull it’s mixed up in cultural trappings of romance not being a “thing” in his culture, and thus both struggle with their feelings. Halsin however is very much in touch. There is next to nothing obstructing what his head and heart wants. He listens to his heart and he follows it. Solas and Iron Bull could learn a thing or two from him, tbh

Also I feel like Iron Bull, Halsin, and even Solas have a bit of a brat tamer streak in them so there’s that

Also Astarion would outright reject the notion of drinking Cullen’s blood cuz it smells like battery acid.

[perpetual-enjine]

I’m also surprised at the whole thing with Endeavor’s career being “over” and him “taking the fall for Dabi” or whatever.

Guys.

THE MAN HAS KILLED ALL FOR ONE.

He lost his dominant arm to defeat the nation’s worst villain. He’s a war veteran who saved the country. “Dabi” is old news - it’s been a while since the reveal, and the whole time, as soon as he got out of the hospital, Endeavor has been fighting. Logically, he should be at the peak of his clout! He did something even All Might was not able to do. There is no way in hell, after removing the biggest stressor in every person’s life, he would still be dragged by most people for his past behavior. Especially given that he never denied his wrongdoings and has shown remorse. To a regular person, the very sight of Endeavor should bring relief, just like the sight of All Might used to. You know the man will sacrifice a limb to save you and risk his life - because he’s done that before.

Additionally, after All for One confessed to taking Touya and messing with his body, it should be clear that he had his hand in the making of Dabi. Endeavor didn’t make his (adult) son “kill 30 innocent people” any more than Shigaraki’s dad made him ruin cities and decay heroes.

Last but not least, Endeavor is a big-time dilf.

Yes, it sounds super unserious, but think about real-life media, the public, and fame. He’s a tall, good-looking, physically fit man with a sexy job, unusual hair color and rare eye color who wears a skintight outfit and has a powerful, impressive-looking quirk. When a famous person is attractive, they get away with shit a lot more easily.

Look at real-life MHA fans: who’s simping for ReDestro? No one. Now who’s simping for Dabi? Everyone.

This really isn’t reflected well in the manga or anime, Endeavor is depicted like some scary guy people avoid, but if you look at how real people behave, that’s not realistic. There would be simps galore, apologists, fans chasing him asking for stupid shit like “please yell at me,” “I want to have your babies,” or “please set me on fire,” people flashing him their boobs, people selling and buying Endeavor body pillows, accounts with pictures of his ass, etc. All this shit would only get more intense after the defeat of AFO and would contribute to Endeavor’s public approval score.

So no, I don’t think there’s a big scandal or that it makes sense for him to retire for something other than health or personal convictions.

[takaraphoenix]

So @kimmycup and I wrapped up season 3A last night! And I have thoughts!

Stiles

Stiles, obviously, highlight of the season. As always. No but seriously, Dylan's acting kills me and the fact that he is pretty when he cries also kills me (so often, the act of crying just makes me cringe on screen but when he's crying I'm like "YES. MORE").

The way we spent over three episodes on Stiles' suffering about his dad being missing and wanting to bring him back? Allison and Scott also have their parents abducted but somehow Stiles is the one with whom it is presented as a trauma and who gets to suffer about it.

The fact that Stiles is at the center of the Hales actually makes me feel feral and unhinged though. He's the one to offer Derek comfort after Boyd dies, he's the one who asks about where Derek went when he disappears afterward (though I will admit I did like the Scott-Derek dynamic in this season too, the build up of trust there and Scott's guilt when they thought Derek was dead). Stiles working with Peter about the vault, interrogating Peter about Derek's past, saving Cora with Peter (but also, again, I did like the Peter-Scott team-up in the hospital that was a real surprise and actually fun). And obviously Cora. Oh, they were so setting her up as his love-interest. Nearly all of Cora's scenes were either with Derek, Peter or Stiles. Despite Boyd and Isaac being around too, despite Scott being set up to become head of the wolves, it's somehow Stiles who is at the center of the actual Hales, who interacts with them the most and I am living for it.

Also the Noah-Stiles this season! With his dad's abduction, the fact that Stiles died to save his dad (credit to Scott and Allison for dying for their parents too), that he finally told his dad the truth and that painful little "Mom would have believed me" that absolutely killed me. His constant fear of also losing his dad, even before the abduction, when he thought he'd lose Noah for telling him the truth.

Stiles is my absolute favorite fictional character, of all time, truly.

Peter

Coming in hot second place after Stiles, Peter really was the highlight of the season for me. I have come to deeply love this bastard man. His lil "I've always been the Alpha" I deadass went "made me feel very attracted to him and straight. That was unreasonably sexy of him.

But even before he did that? This whole season, spent kind of helping and kind of doing good, but never too much, just enough to keep being useful. Always manipulating with his silver tongue, the unreliable narrator of Derek's past trauma was a fucking masterpiece to me.

I still want to kiss him on the mouth for killing the most annoying Teen Wolf villain though. There are villains who are evil and villains I hate - in the "this is an effectively written villain! I hate them for their villainy!" sense - but Jennifer Blake was just annoying. She kept babbling on and not in a silver-tongued way but in the same awkward teacher trying to make a point way that she did in the classroom.

Death

Let's leap into that before I lose my train of thought, because Jennifer's death felt good. Even more so in contrast with Deucalion's not-death.

It truly, genuinely fucks with me that Scott and Derek let him go. He is why Boyd and Erica are DEAD. Two of your pack mates. Two innocent teenagers. They're dead because of him, but... Deucalion just... gets to walk free. Not even prison, not even human-standard punishment, not have his Alpha spark somehow removed, nothing. No, he gets rewarded by having his sight restored and is just sent on his merry way.

The same goes for Gerard. The man tortured teenagers for fun and killed countless innocent werewolves. But he just... gets to live. When only Chris was hiding him, I could somewhat excuse it with him being unable to kill his own father. But then both Allison and Scott learn where he is and it just pisses me off so much.

These people kill innocent and get no punishment at all. I'm not even necessarily saying "murder is the only way" (it is, to me, in these instances), but there is just nothing, they get to live on, free, not even imprisoned.

Makes me so damn mad and you just know if Deucalion and Peter hadn't torn out Jennifer's throat, they would have let her life and be on her merry way too.

Cora (& Derek)

I admit I fully did not remember shit about her. She was only in half a season and, clearly, I managed to block out most of it. But I really loved her! She... Yeah, they totally tried to replace her with Malia, because she has the same very direct nature and anger issues. Which only makes me sadder on account of those two never meeting or interacting.

I enjoyed her character and actually would have REALLY loved Stora? These two had good chemistry and I think the build up was definitely worth exploring what a relationship between them could have been like.

Her existence still drives me up the wall though because they really don't explain it. At all. How did she survive? How did she get all the way to South America? Hell, how did she even hear about a Hale Alpha again like what is there some kind of supernatural newspaper announcing these things?

And then she's gone again. And it feels... stupid. I think it would feel less stupid if Derek wouldn't return in season 4 either. Let me be clear, I love Derek and, as a viewer, am glad that I didn't lose him for good here by having him be written out. But internally, within the story, it would have felt much more rewarding to both of them if after all the trauma in Beacon Hills and the rocky relationship these two had, Derek had just fucked off from that hell-town to live with his sister somewhere safe.

But also, while I'm on Derek already. This boy really can not catch a break. He needs to stop falling for women, period. Paige's death was deeply traumatic, Kate groomed him and killed his family, and now Jennifer. At this point, the pack should get battle ready when he shows interest in someone...

Others

In a delightful twist did I actually grow attached to Ethan/Danny this time around and will be using more of those from hereon out.

I think one of the funniest bits of the season was Melissa meeting Peter in the hospital and saying "You're supposed to be dead" because I'm sorry he has been resurrected SIX MONTHS AGO and nobody told her that he is alive again? Really, Scott? Really?

[liljakonvalj]

I watched the Great Mouse Detective tonight and as someone who loves this movie, here's some of my thoughts:

First of all and this cannot be overstated: Best. Sherlock. Holmes. Adaptation.

I was today years old when i discovered that Olivia and her dad are Scottish (which explains her father talking about catching a train at the end of the movie)

(I grew up with the swedish vhs and watched it in english for the first time today. in swedish none of the character's have any particular dialect )

The aesthetic of Victorian human London but with mice having a miniature society mirroring it?? Love that!!

Despite Basil being the titular character and being the main character in so far that he's the one going on a personal journey and change through the movie- Dawson is the POV character for most of the movie which I find interesting

The transitions when Basil tells them about Ratigan and then showing the audience what he's up to and then back to Basil's apartment are stellar

All the songs are sung in universe - I think this is the only disney movie to do this??

And two of them sung by the villain?! Outstanding move

(It should be mentioned that the remaining song was sung by sexy, stripper mice in a bar)

The heroes drink alcohol, get drugged, enjoy a strip tease and accidentaly causes a bar fight all in the same scene

Yes, the toy store was both entrancing and scary to me as a child. The first doll they see when they enter? That doll whose face smashes and nearly kills Basil and Watson? The toys from which Fidget steals the mechanics? All super terrifying

Ratigan is the only character to have a human-like five-fingered hand, all the others have standard animated four-fingered hands

Ratigan mention a that he thought basil would be 15 minutes quicker to find his lair - which he uses to taunt his enemy but it also means he cannot be there to observe his machine killing his captives. That gives them the opportunity to escape unseen. If Basil and Dawson hadn't been late they probably wouldn't have survived, just saying

The clock tower sequence!! I actually clapped when it started

The cogwheels were computer animated while the mice were drawn by hand - which makes for a really dynamic moving camera

(The man who talked about this in the extras were so enthusiastic about this. Love that for him)

Speaking of moving camera - I greatly enjoyed the camera movement when Rattigan jumped over the citizens to reach the balcony with Olivia and the bat after his plan had been foiled at Buckingham palace. It was really fluent and full of angles

Back to the clocktower: when Ratigan snaps and you can see the angry pen strokes?? They simply don't make movies like this anymore

That was of course very scary too as a child

The final battle outside on the clock hands? Give this movie all awards !!

When Basil comes cycling on that little propeller thing? Link in Tears of the kingdom wishes he could do that

In the extras someone mentioned that they'd made extensive backstories of all the characters: why Rattigan became evil, how it was for Basil to grow up so smart etc. And i desperately want to read that

I know no one cares about the swedish voice actors but I found the different performances of both Basil and Rattigan interesting. I know Vincent Price is much beloved as Ratigan (justly so) but idk if it is nostalgia speaking but I think swedish Ratigan really held up. There were actually some lines that I knew by heart in swedish where the delivery was preferable to the English one for me. After looking it up i saw that the swedish VA is an opera singer (base) which really isn't a surprise given his performance. Basil's voices were really similar normally (so similar I didn't hear the change when I switched between languages - which i did one time to freshen up the swedish voices) but the VA in swedish goes up in falsetto quite often which gives a quite manic impression. Swedish!Basil's sanity is hung by a thread in his restless pursuit of his arch nemesis - which makes his devastation when Ratigan bests him more believable imo. English!Basil is much more a proper, brittish gentleman throughout. All performances were great, I just found the differences interesting.

I have some Core visuals from this movie living rent free in my mind since childhood which are: when Basil compares the two bullets, the closeups as Fidget jumps out at the audience, when Dawson pulls out the glass door with his finger, Ratigan squishing Olivia's doll, Basils machine when analyzing the paper, when Toby makes a stair out of his ear, that flag/balloon/matchbox contraption they used to chase Ratigan at the end, the end fight on the clock arms.

Did i miss your favourite part of the movie? Any core memories from this movie for you?

[bluegekk0]

Do you think it's funny that the entire au stemmed from a fork boi with bad parenting skills and a lanky boi with tumbler sexy man energy?

I do think about that sometimes, yeah. Though it also kinda makes me realize that it could be interpreted as me making the AU out of spite? Maybe spite is a strong word here, but I won't deny that I dislike many of the very common interpretations of those characters in the fandom. So the AU was a way for me to go "no, I fundamentally disagree" and do my own thing.

Vyrm is a primary example here, his canon counterpart often gets interpreted as a shitty dad who killed his offspring for fun and is a cold jerk towards everyone. And if you compare Vyrm to that, he's like the complete opposite. His actions did lead to the death of his offspring, yes, but 1. It wasn't just his idea (so many people put the blame on PK only when WL was also involved, which I found very frustrating), 2. He did NOT want to do it but had no other choice and 3. He tried his best to be a good father to Hornet, and he did his best there. And he's a very emotional being, he craves affection and he really struggles with his identity, confidence and just about everything else. I wanted to do something different with him from the start, and he's really evolved since then to the point where I completely separate them in my mind. Vyrm and PK, to me, are only the same in principle. Aside from that, they're completely different characters to me, and Vyrm in particular means so, so much to me after all this time. But yeah, it is pretty funny in retrospect.

With Grimm I had similar feelings about a lot of popular fanon, but it wasn't as strong. In all honestly, his AU version's beginnings were rooted in self-indulgence. I loved the aesthetic of the character, I loved how vampire-like he was, and unlike a lot of the fandom, I've always seen him more as a bat than a moth or any insect. And as it happens, I also really wanted to pair him with my version of PK. I guess that's the most self-indulgent part, I just thought they looked good together. Later it evolved into a full on backstory with a lot of yearning, self-discovery, and above all, affection and true respect for one another. No regrets here either, their story lives in my mind constantly and I genuinely love it so much. Funnily enough, with Grimm, I started to get irritated at popular fanon more and more as time went on, as opposed to creating him with the sole purpose of going against the headcanons I disagreed with. But just like with Vyrm, I don't consider my Grimm and the Grimm from the game to be the same.

It's actually slightly conflicting since on one hand, it is a Hollow Knight AU and I love reinterpreting the game for its purpose. On the other, it means I have to inevitably be faced with other interpretations of the characters that I find upsetting or irritating. But it is what it is. All I can hope for is that people begin seeing it more like an OC-esque thing instead of just "PK but gay and fat" or "Grimm but buff and fluffy". Because to me they are so much more than that.

Sorry if this turned into a rant-y ramble, I think about this all the time and this was a good opportunity to put those thoughts into words I suppose.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Y'ALLLLLLLL this is such a good deal if you're interested in trying Immortals After Dark this Spooktober!

The Clan MacRieve ebook box set is $1.99.

Whaaaat is Clan MaCrieve?

The MacRieves are the ruling werewolf family in Kresley Cole's Immortals After Dark series! Every werewolf hero in IAD, thus far, has been a MacRieve.

Whaaaaaaaaat do Kresley werewolves do?

I'm so glad you asked! Kresley werewolves (lykae) are pretty much always Scottish, they're massive (even by IAD standards, so they're probably all 7+ feet tall lbr), and they don't actually shift into wolves, but they do shift into... something. They all have an inner Beast that they only talk to some of the time (it's like their inner goddess or something), and that Beast IMMEDIATELY recognizes their mate. But it's not love, right? It's just obsession and a need to claim and protect and serve. It's their RELIGION. Then comes love!

Which books do I get?

Not every MacRieve book, but that's okay because MacRieve (about the angstiest werewolf, MacRieve known as MacRieve head of Clan MacRieve but not KING) and Munro (the one about the dad friend time traveling) are not as standalone as the first three.

You get:

A Hunger Like No Other—The first full-length IAD book, in which Lachlain MacRieve long-lost werewolf king, scents his mate from underground where he's been tortured in the Parisian catacombs by vampires were eternal flames for 150 years, GNAWS HIS OWN LEG OFF (it grows back), and finds her at a random cafe and goes "YOU". Then it turns out she is, in fact, a vampire (partly) and he is QUITE. MIFFED. You want an alpha??? Lachlain is THEE. ALPHA. You want enemies to lovers? Lmao. You want... some consent issues??? But I'm not gonna lie it deeply works for ME? Yeah.

Wicked Deeds on a Winter's Night—Lachlain's cousin Bowen is the only werewolf who's survived the death of his mate (because every other werewolf, and I'm not exaggerating, IMMEDIATELY kills himself when that happens). But he's lived a half-life, he's miserable, yada yada yada, and he enters this magical scavenger hunt to win a key that will allow him to travel back in time and prevent her death. Was her death his fault? UH! SORTA! Catch: one of the competitors in the hunt is former college cheerleader/witch Mariketa, who not only HEXES Bowen, but makes him SUPER FUCKING HORNY. Which shouldn't be happening! He shouldn't be into anyone but his mate! What the FUCK Mariketa? Obviously, the only logical solution is to join forces. Obviously. An excellent "local man is terrorized by woman is small, opinionated" book.

Pleasure of a Dark Prince—One of my top 2 IAD books! Garreth MacRieve, brother of Lachlain, has had to sub in as king for 150 years, which is not fun or sexy. But hark! It is his mate! Except it turns out that Lucia is a valkyrie sworn to keep a vow of chastity in order to maintain her goddess-given accuracy with a bow. And even if she wasn't, it's not like she'd be into him right? Of course not, says Lucia! After a year of Garreth chasing her around and getting thrown off cliffs and such, Lucia finally decides to let him tag along while she goes on an Amazonian river cruise in order to kill the god she's sworn to defeat in order to prevent the apocalypse. But. Like. That vow of chastity. Is difficult. This one is very THE MUMMY, very "slutty slutty man meets ice queen", very hurt/comfort, very "lightning strikes when she orgasms and it's embarrassing so she'll only let him eat her out when a storm's going on and he's a werewolf right so he develops a Pavlovian response of YES????? whenever it starts raining". 100000/10.

Anyway, I recommend all these books and they are bangers at an absolute steal price, sooooo. Go for it.

[28dayslater]

good evening to you all and welcome to cockmojo where tonight we will be counting down my personal top ten terror cocks

those unaffiliated with footyblr may be unfamiliar with the term cock as it’s being used here: all will become clear in time

special mention before we start to the netsilik hunter (sexy man, deserved a name and some screentime) james clark ross but only in the first episode when he’s all rugged and his beard’s grown out, and mr blanky, who, much like knife dad, fuccs like a broken train but he runs on time if you know what i mean

in a very respectable tenth place finish, billy gibson. i didn’t see the vision until 1. it was pointed out to me that he looks a lot like pau torres, who is himself very cockable, and 2. i rewatched the scene where he breaks up with hickey. known shagger, massive hater, a very pointy nose, he’s scraped a place on this list.

a surprise entry at ninth is john irving. inarguably cute in a sort of late 2000s british indie band bassist way, and while i’m not sure i could fix him (he probably needs a man for that) i do think i would have fun trying. ultimately he’s not higher because he’s kind of annoying and his eyebrows piss me off.

representing the dilves at eighth is doctor macdonald. he’s entrancing to me he has this vibe of like gentle paternal indulgence... like even if you were annoying he’d be very fond of you. and i need that. when he said “i’d like to run that man through” and rubbed his eyes and looked so tired, i really felt something. the crow’s feet, the widow’s peak, the hair, yes!!

doing it for the feminists, in seventh we have harry goodsir. the loveliest guy on the expedition until he goes nastymode, and i’m fully on board with both versions. this picture was chosen for a reason and it’s bc his long curly hair full beard miserable expression era was simply unbeatable. unfortunately, and this is maybe the most insane thing i’ve ever said about a man, or at least top ten, when his half eaten corpse was laid out face down, and it had noticeable back hair, i got the ick. just to add insult to injury :/

i’m as surprised as you are that he’s not higher, number six, james fitzjames! he is my pretty pretty princess. nails, hair, hips, heels. high femme queen in his cunty little outfits ordering the men around. i want to brush his hair, one hundred strokes minimum. i think this is less sexual than some others on this list, it’s more appreciation. but my god do i appreciate him.

stay alive, number five, it’s thomas jopson. most beautiful haunted doll in the arctic, but that pretty face is covering up a seriously compelling #WeirdGuy underneath. all the shiny hair in the world can’t hide an obsession with his boss that in the modern era would be getting him a very serious meeting with HR. what a character, servicetopson you rock my world. but at the end of the day he loses points because i hate the beard. garrigan looks great with a beard in other stuff, i really don’t know why the scurvybeard was so foul. terror hair and makeup department GET IT TOGETHER. 

number phwoar, henry collins is here! he’s big he’s sweet he’s deeply mentally unstable he needs a cuddle and we’ve all seen that gif of him in aliens. would love to make him a really nice cup of tea (seems like a two sugars man), pet his hair as he rests his head in my lap, then fuck up my hip flexors. 

and now... we enter our top three. who’s made it to the prestigious cock podium?

first up, the winner of our bronze cock medal, which presumably he’ll be flogging for an unreasonable price to someone he’s assured it’s solid gold, “cornelius hickey”! people will bitch and moan about how he’s a violent lunatic who’s killed people like i’m not a cuti romero stan 🙄 i can see beyond that, my third eye is firmly open. the potential for a fun toxic relationship is absolutely off the charts bc that’s the only kind he has. and he’s very pretty when he cries. i can forgive a lot of crimes for a man whose nose entrances me.

in second place, such a close runner up, i have to award this honour to edward little. a pedestrian choice, you might think, if you don’t know the lore. i couldn’t fully explain my feelings towards this secondary character who’s not especially exciting on first watch when i started the show until i googled his actor... although i lacked the words to express this at the time i was cocking this man when i was 13 and he first appeared in misfits with a stupid neck tattoo and a horrible suit, and i cock him again now. this is a cock that’s followed me all my life, even though i forgot he existed for about a decade in between. who else can truly say they’ve EARNED a spot on my list like he has? he’s sad, he’s sopping wet, i could make him cry extremely easily. mwah

and finally...

number one. it had to be him, it was always going to be him. solomon tozer, take a bow and i’ll take ten cranberry pills. sol is thee top cock for so many reasons and chief among them is versatility. whatever you need he can be it. handsome soldier boy in a fancy red uniform that shows off his trim little waist? COCK! hostile violent mutineer throwing his life away in a rebellion? COCK! broken man inducted into a cult who cries about it? COCK!!! sexiest man in the damn arctic i know he was beating the boys off with a stick. there is a certain level of sexiness a man can reach where nothing he does is an ick, and i knew he’d reached that for me once i saw him in that insanely stupid hat at sir john’s funeral and didn’t give a fuck. call him tom jones the way he can leave his hat on. keep thotting it up in heaven/hell king i miss you every day. i know it was huge. my heart hurts.

[sweetestpopcorn]

How would you rank Jaehaerys and Alysanne’s children in terms of greatness/potential? For me, Baelon was best out their children with Saera being second. I also think Viserra was a waisted potential. I think she could have done interesting stuff had she lived. Do you think perhaps maybe Baelon should’ve married her after Alyssa’s death? Obviously, no one could replace Alyssa in his heart.

Hi there :)

I have already kind of answered this regarding my thoughts about Saera and Viserra and none of it is good. I will just link them here and here . Legit they are just portrayed as mean girls with no real depth to them, though of the two, Saera is much, much worse. Viserra I can at least sympathise with since her parents seem to not give half a f_ck about her and did not even extend to her the same courtesy they did her siblings of having a say about her marriage (more here), but that's about it. I don't find anything else likeable about her she's just... empty.

I will go from least favourite to favourite.

Saera and Viserra go right to the bottom of my list. Followed very closely by Vaegon by obvious reasons. Like Vaegon, it literally costs you 0 golden dragons to not be so unlikable.

Then I would say Daenerys, she has a lot of sweet moments but dies young so I don't really know how she would have turned out. Besides, I know it's petty of me, but I don't like other characters having Dany's name. I do like Daenerys, Naerys's daughter but... yeah no more. You don't need more Daenerys, we have our Mother of Dragons. Yes, I know I am petty.

Then Gael because... poor baby 🥺 seriously what was George thinking writing a character who is Alysanne's comfort, with some degree of cognitive disability be r...... by some random singer, give birth, lose her baby, and kill herself?! Like enough's enough. It's literally just to add tragedy to her story and honestly Turtle man it's getting f:cking OLD. I swear this man gets his rocks off by adding tragedy and terrible abuse to female characters. This when he can bother to make them more than a walking womb.

Then I would say Aemon. Maybe he would be higher but at times I just feel he's too perfect if that's a thing. There’s just nothing wrong with him like 😂 he literally does nothing wrong.

Daella comes next because I find her funny. She's such a drama queen 24/7 making everyone around her want to protect her XD even Alyssa. I kind of got the vibes at times from her that she kind of knew what she was doing to get attention. Like the fact that she and Alyssa are Rhaenyra's grandmothers just makes so much sense no matter how you look at it. In a way Rhaenyra seems kind of a mixture of both? With tons of stubborn and style added. Another moment that really endeared me to Daella was her very tragic death, and how despite all her suffering she still wanted to be given Aemma and to feed her. Prime mom material right there -> like you can tell both from her and Alyssa that Rhaenyra got some top notch mom genes.

Then Alyssa of course, because she was THE queen. Literally she was just a better behaved version of her son and I'm here for it! I love how despite the fact that she was clearly a tomboy she still wanted to marry Baelon and give him an army of kids X'D because these two things are not mutually exclusive and liking or enjoying traditional boy things does not have to say anything about your sexuality or your desire to be a mother - just like being very feminine and liking traditionally feminine activities does not have to say anything about your sexuality or desire to parent. These are rules a society that does not understand nuance and in a sense is deeply sexist and stereotypical likes to put in place and that I find deeply harmful to people. But Alyssa is the BOMB, so funny, so bold, the way she embarrassed Vaegon who was a little sh:t *chef's kiss*

Then there's the best man ever -> Baelon Targaryen

Had his own cool nickname, The Spring Prince, funny, charming, sexy, single dad who never once forgot about his lady with the mismatched eyes, entered a tourney under the name of the Silver Fool... I don't feel like a need to say more, and in an era where all men were literally so problematic, Baelon was IT.

Baelon is what this fandom thinks Corlys is. Sorry not sorry.

And that's it :D

Also no, and more important that should Baelon remarry, the question is did he want to remarry? And the answer is no, and any Baelon fan would respect the Spring Prince and his undying love for his lady with the mismatched eyes <3

[gorgeousmanfounddeadinacroptop]

century of love ep 5&6

-oh now he realizes thats his lover he just had to ALMOST DIE FIRST

-uncle is working with yis sexy dad

-comically large gps letters on the box

-this is so soapy

-into the water

-theres no way the big bad dies half way through this must be the small bad

-what a caring husband didnt know grandpa had it in him

-feeding him? who is this guy?

-i love when the family just peeks from behind a pole or something

-this is NOT the san of the past 4 episodes

-whats with the slow walk in for the doctor

-ah yes him!

-the goddess is playing with my guy

-bc the goddess wanted YAOI

-ohhh in all his dreams huh

-the possessiveness is crazy

-hes looked like this for the past 100 years so

-chu we love you

-lets get chu a girlfriend

-get him again for me

-yeah but fortunately for you san we tend to like bad boys who are mean to us

-loving the arguments

-between chu and the goddess our yaoi plots will prosper AMEN

-poor lead in a 100 dollar designer tshirt

-the looks the doctor is giving san are perfect

-ohhh mr doctor

-thats a shitty piece of art

-the grumpy dinosaur reminding him of his husbandndkdmfdkfmgmf

-do we think chu thought in a million years shed be her great great great grandfathers fag hag going to spy on his husband with him?

-i love how theyre such bad spies theyre in the background of all the photos

-its upside down

-crying theyre all so goofy

-i just realized its a grumpy RAINBOW dinosaur

-since high school?

-nongchai?

-now you wanna be his husband yeah ok

-oh how the tables turn

-whos forcing who into marriage now

-the goddess is working overtime

-look at their little smiles awww

-thats the fakest looking moon ive ever seen

onwards and upwards lads

-mother and daughter bonding activity: fujoing lut

-come on product placement

-grumbling old man... yeah that's true

-ahh youre so cute

-two tickets to an amusement park

-does he know what that is?

-grandpa please! were trying to set you up

-amusement park date classic

-the dinosaur motif is killing me

-what kind of amusement park has perfume making stations

-ok grandpa i didn't know you had game

-two dates with two different men in one day... vee living up to the promiscuous bisexual stereotype

-how did he find him?

-awww poor vee

-well you see

-poor third in every life time he will lose vee

-imagine if hes not actually in there

-ahh hes not

-say it again PLEASEEEEE

-nooooo

-FUCK

-ok grandpa chic outfit

-here he comes with his fag hag great great granddaughter in tow

-i wish dinner and dancing was still a thing

-i wish there was live music in restaurants

-oh so he did hear it all

-that shitty marriage proposal came back to bite huh

-ok redemption

-why would you say that

-100 year old and 25 year old average gay relationship age gap

-scent kink? pitbabe the damage youve done

-very nothing sex scene tbh

-oh

-on the left ring finger too

-mom grandpa please

-to be fair these people know everything every wet dream

-fujoing out yas

-but first a message from our sponsor

-jdent is the gayest toothpaste of all time

-aww so cute and theyre all so happy for him

-oh honey its ok for him

-oh no what does grandma know

-to be fair this guys looked the same for 100 years and hasnt hidden it

-hes had the same haircut for 100 years too

-brooooo look at this fucking shirt and he didnt think he was gay

-the girl looks like grandma woah

-i love how everyone in this show is accepting this bullshit

-grandma and grandson have a crush on the same guy

-is this still the dream?

-she looks so creepy

-cant we have a little longer in the honeymoon damn

this SUCKS

cant have a single good day around here

[windowscrazyerror]

Crosspost from twittar here's my thoughts on what I liked and disliked about the ii finale. Spoilers obviously

GOOD SHIT:

At least my wife was there for a little bit and he was sexy

Also he got to punch mephone in the face like 3 times. I think that's my favorite part I wish the whole episode was literally just him beating the shit out of mephone and nothing else

Knife (and possibly mepad) permadeath was kind of a bold move tbh I'll give them that. I was afraid of them going full blast "everyone lives and is happy forever" on the ending so I'm glad they didn't

Mephone acknowledging that he's kinda fucked up and the fact the contestants don't all just instantly forgive him and act like he did nothing wrong ever in his life. That's another thing I was afraid of

Also I Guess 4S being there again was kind of cool although I didnt especially enjoy the scenes with him at least he was there

BAD SHIT:

BOX. The last minute twist of "btw they've all been casually dragging around this literal corpse the entire time" was so bizarre it felt like something some fan would come up with as an edgy creepypasta ass theory that no one actually likes. I don't think anyone out there was thinking "oh boy I hope they devote a large chunk of the finale to focusing on fucking box of all characters"

Also the fact everyone's been misgendering her this whole time?? Yes I saw what brian said about it representing that no one really knew her as a person or w/e but it still feels like a really weird choice to me. Now we have not one but two characters who are misgendered for most of the show. Awesome

Obviously I did not enjoy my wife dying. Like I guess I can't complain about this too much bc he's the villain it was very unlikely he Wasn't going to die but still. Especially considering the specific way he died it was just weird and stupid and felt like nothing more than wanting to play into the unfunny joke the fans have been making over and over for the past however many years

I wish they had done anything more with him than just making him Generic Evil Villain Guy Who Kills People. Idk how to put into words what I would've wanted instead but the little bit of screentime we get from him in this ep is very underwhelming. Can we just remove all of box's scenes and replace them with some insight into cobs' backstory or some more interesting dialogue/interactions with mephone/Literally Anything Else Please

As funny as the Meeple Sword is it's also kind of odd. This is a nitpick but I feel like it'd make more sense for it to be a gun or smth more high tech than just a box cutter with the meeple logo on it unless there's some specific reason for that that I'm missing

Why did suitcase try to get mephone to eat a piece of his not-really-dad's burnt corpse. I know it was a joke but like what the fuck man. Why did she do that.

I feel like there's more things I'm forgetting but I'm too tired to write anymore I'll add on to this later if I feel like it

[noughticalcrossings]

Nine People I Want to Get to Know Better

Tagged by @saints-who-never-existed thank you!

LAST SONG? - Parsifal, Act 1: Weh! …Hoho! …Auf! Wer ist der Frevler? Du konntest Morden, hier, im heil’gen Walder

Recommended by a friend, and it’s very dramatic but the titles are sending me. The latter part is Who is the wicked? You could commit murder, here, in the holy forest. But the former? Yeah I had to stop I was laughing and waking the household

FAVOURITE COLOUR? - my answer is nebulous, but I am very fond of extremely rich teals, like think jungle green and then edge it into blue. I have part of my wall painted in a version called Palm Springs and eleven-year-old me was entirely correct to do so

CURRENTLY WATCHING? - rewatching Game of Thrones with my dad and watching him struggle to remember character names. We’re only on season one. He is doomed.

LAST MOVIE? - Crimson Peak. Last time I watched it I was holding my roommate’s hand and I should have repeated that. I was clutching my chest like a cat trying to claw its way out of a bathtub. Beautiful movie tho, I have since bought it so I can traumatise my parents

SWEET/SPICY/SAVORY? - if I can have both sweet and spicy I am thriving. Sweet chilli is one of my favourite flavours of all time but anything from Bombay mix to paprika crisps is peak. Salted sweet things like bacon and maple syrup pancakes are a close second

RELATIONSHIP STATUS? - single and likely to remain so until the economy allows me to live an independent life

CURRENT OBSESSIONS? - I have been scouring the pdfs provided by @queer-ragnelle for their Palomides content. He is my absolute favourite and I’ve somehow found myself writing self-indulgent time-loop fic where Brangaine tries to unravel the mess that is the Tristan/Iseult romance

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED? - the Morholt, brother to Queen Iseult of Ireland and uncle to Iseult the Fair. In the Italian La Tavola Ritonda the Morholt (here Amoroldo) leaves behind a young son called Amoroldo Novello which is very cute and very sad. Also when Queen Iseult finds out Tristan killed her brother she tries to murder him in the bathtub with his own sword which I think is very sexy of her

My nine tags: a selection of cool people @revolutionarygold @lieutdreadhands @odyhat @nikoisme @laninlurks @keldabekush @rochenn @jh-newman-opn and you, yes you who’s handle I can’t spell

[floenz]

dfk 2023 thoughts in more orderly and english under the cut

dfk

- the whole thing feels sörta soulless and empty

- and in my amateur opinion the screenplay is nor very tight and even clumsy at points

- which im turn hindered the actors (Mrs Kreuzkamm falls victim to a bad script and Justus too at a slighlty lesser rate) and especially the kids actors

- regarding the kids: Jos characterisation is.....wrong

- like literally doesnt have anything to do with johnny

- nothing

- Matz and Uli were also just not it i cant explain it it just didnt hit

- but i actually enjoyed the martina storyline and execution

- but in general it did not feel like they were trying to tell the same story as the book

- like this doesn't feel like an adaption this feels like it wants to be something completely different

justraucher et al.

- justus is a math teacher and it bothered me at the beginning

- but thing is it fits this Justus vibes perfectly

- because he is kinda idk cold?? he doesn't feel kind so all the interactions with the kids fall flat

- "[...] you're not allowed to greet me for 14 days"~justus "thats all 🤨"~jo <- dragging two characters into the mud in one single exchange

- the nichtraucher tho holy

- ive read jinx say most bisexual nichtraucher yet and

- yes

- he sure has the vibes

- my only criticism for him is that he also doesn't really radiate kindness but ill allow it because he is kinds cunty and serves that so

- but yea his outfits, his ring, his nail polish

- king shit

- while we're on the topic: justraucher

- they are still very much dads but divorced dads which is actually an interesting interpretation

- when the kids reunify them the nichtraucher is sexy woodchopping in a sleeveless shirt and glowering at justus and im not saying the scene radistes sexual energy but slso it kinda did like at one point he is glaring at justus and ripping apart wood with his bare hands

- and then they meet again after uli fell down the wall and its like to exes meeing suddendly like fanfiction level of miscommunication but 👉👈 i enjoyed that

- justus gets angry and the nichtraucher goes like 🥺

- they make up over long and intense eye contacts during the play

- ok im done talking about justraucher

- the other ships:

- sorry cnka uli und matz is...not it in this movie none of them feel like fully realised characters and it's just very...distant

- matz just kinda stands there when they put uli in the rubbish on the cupboard

- martina and jo starts rough but they have some nice cute scenes in the end

- jo kinda mellows out in the end and then they start to get along

mis

- matz really does get one hit K.O.ed after saying its not fair to fight cos he's a professional.......

- "when i was five my mum abandoned me in a disco😔"~jo killed me i had to stop the movie to laugh

- uli climbs a wall to prove he's not a angsthase and everyone's like nobody managed that before but the wall is like 7 m high 🤡

- justus always goes like ⌚️👀 its so late i have get some work done ⌚️👀 when the writers didnt know how to end a scene hkkcgkkbgjjvvk

- the train cart looks really cozy and cottagecorey here and i like it so much

- the nichtraucher is honestly just living his live vibin and being bi its wonderful

- he plays chess with himself