#yes Im being defensive and self conscious because lmao Im defensive and self-conscious

[bigskydreaming]

Like, I am very conscious of the aid people have given me and try not to ask any more than is absolutely necessary because I do not enjoy asking for charity like at ALL. But I am less than a year out from when I had a twenty thousand dollar (out of pocket) surgery to address a longterm disability caused by a gaybashing when I was nineteen and that flared up about seven years ago and caused constant, daily migraines, chronic pain and other issues that limited my ability to work while I spent the next six years doing literally everything I could to save up for that surgery while maintaining an expensive as fuck insurance plan that was the only option for getting the surgery DOWN to that ‘manageable’ price tag in the first place. Between that and the costs of just staying alive for those six years, even with e-begging and lots of help from people, I wiped out every cent of my savings and put myself in massive debt and tanked my credit as that was the literal only way I could afford that surgery and regain a decent quality of life. I STILL don’t even have fucking TEETH because every single one had to be pulled in order to do the surgery since to realign my jaw properly, I needed an even bite and after years of destroying my teeth every time I used one side of my face and one side only to do my best to chew and eat food, pulling every single one of my teeth and getting as-literally-cheap-as-possible-dentures instead of trying to repair my teeth first was quite literally the only real option without further dragging out the surgery timeline because I was basically bedridden by the time I actually did get it. After years without being able to work regularly, my ability to go back to my old careers are basically nil and I’ll have to start over from scratch - when I can even afford to - as in the meanwhile, my job options were limited by having a years out of date resume and pretty much all of my paycheck does go to managing my debt, trying to rebuild my credit, and basic cost of living while scrounging together pennies to try and save up now for the many bone graft surgeries I’ll need if I ever want to get teeth implants instead of relying on dentures for the next several decades. So yeah, I ask for help, mostly just when I don’t have money left over for food or the couple hundred dollars I spend monthly in meds because lmao, my various neurodivergencies don’t really help with all of that and I literally can’t afford to go off my meds or miss my regular schedule with them without risking everything I HAVE managed to pull together in terms of routine and income-generating ability.

So do I enjoy e-begging? Fuck no. Am I constantly trying to figure out better ways to supplement my income? Hell yeah. I’ve been trying to put together things like a patreon where people actually get something in exchange for money sent my way, for like, months and months but when I’m not working I’m fucking exhausted because grinding nonstop for six years through constant chronic pain and stress with zero days off will do that to a guy, and I haven’t exactly been able to kick back and enjoy myself even since the surgery. 

And I do my best not to put shit like that on my posts and just keep things to the bare minimum because not only do I not love dwelling on all that, I’m genuinely not trying to guilt people into anything or play the sympathy or pity card because when you used to pride yourself on being independent and self-reliant pretty much from the age of ten because your family taught you from an early age not to rely on anyone but yourself, it’d take even more therapy than I have now to actually be okay with the fact that I’d probably be dead by now without the kindness of internet strangers having helped me stay alive at times when I hadn’t eaten in days because I was busy keeping a roof over my head instead.

But sure, random internet anons - my little post about asking for $5 or $10 is an attempt to make people feel bad about getting blue checkmarks or their financials in general, as opposed to whatever that was.

[writinandcrying]

Hello, are you still accept a matchup? If so, I prefer for male character please. I'm a girl, my pronouns is she/her and I'm straight.

My height is 5'5", i have a short purple hair (dyed), and I wear glasses too (my sight is really bad) 

My hobbies currently is editing video or photo, i like taking picture of nature or just random building, 'cause I wanna be a photographer. I don't like people who always interrupt (well, who doesn't? I'm a listener btw) and I really hate those who bother the people I care about *protectiveness intensifies*

I'm actually a calm person, but not in front of my best friend. Only they know how crazy I am. I'm also the type who always hug my friends when I meet them (I'm taller than them, so it's easy for me to hug and put my chin on their head). If I see my friends or family sitting on the sofa, I jumped straight at them and put my head on their laps, then hugging their waist (again.. Hug.. I also snuggle to their stomach), please play with my hair or at least tracing some random pattern on my back. Am I sound like a clingy person? 😅😅 I may sound like a character in fanfiction or something, but really I've always been like that. And of course, I would do all of that if they were comfortable with my treatment. Obviously, my love language is physical affection.

But if someone do that to me, I'll freeze right away because people rarely do that to me and I don't know what to do. But I'll be calm in a minute and play with their hair or just rub it (it become my habit).

I feel pretty confident. I like who I am, but there are times when I'm insecure about the pimples that always appear on my forehead. Sometimes i also think, am I enough for them? For my family, my friends. But overall, I'm grateful that I'm surrounded by good people.

Aand that's it. I hope you don't get confused, because English is not my first language. Thank you in advanced, have i nice day and take care of your health (ɔˆз(ˆ⌣ˆc)

hi there! since you didn't specify im assuming this is about the tmnt / rottmnt boys! and bro are you kidding me your english is amazing

i really wanna ship you with Casey jones specially over the rottmnt movie, but unfortunately i still havent watched the movie, (im trying to dodge every spoiler? yes, am i succeeding? wonderful question i shall not reply lmao) idk why but i just got the vibes, so lets just put a pin on it, yeah?

eitherway- i ship you with...

Raphael

the last 3? matchups this guy was the main choice as well....... in my defense- he is just too shippable

Ok so, first of all, you have some similarities with Don and Leo, Don being not used to receiving affection, i heacanon he also enjoys photography in his spare time when he needs to unwind and have some alone time, and Leo being self conscious of their own value, i think you can be great buddies with both, finding comfort into talking about common problems or shared hobbies, plus you being so affectionate (at least in a giving scenario) is extremely welcomed by 3/4 of the brothers (donnie still need times with getting used to hugs and all, but he sometimes enjoys tolerates when you place your head on top of his to check his new inventions - a secret he shall never tell)

i think the turning moment to Raph start having a crush on you was during a movie night, you just lay down on his legs, unapologetic used his tights as a pillow as all of you gathered watched the movie, they are all used to humans not being fond of them and their image, but Raph usually got the most bitter encounters of them all due to his size and spikes, he quietly noticed how affectioned you could be with the others, but him receiving it was another story, that alone made some butterflies spread their wings in his tummy

he found it really cute, extremely cute, he wants to be the one to make you blush kinda cute whenever you malfunctioned after getting a hug or kiss, you searched for comfort, but whenever someone initiated, you would get shy: that for him is extremely adorable!

he enjoys how calm you can be, he reallyyy loved when you showed your true colors, loves the exciting new you as much as he adores the calm, quiet one. oh! Raph really likes your confidence, and shall shoosh any insecurities away you might have. On the days you are feeling a bit down or doubting yourself, he wont hesitate to shower you with compliments and affection

if someone ever interrupts him (or any of their brothers / friends really) and you get over-protective, you will have his heart fr. Raph is used to being the big brother, the protector, he knows his family has his back, but seeing his crush getting over protective over them? over him?? heart snatched, 100/10 experience, please do it again

he might try to persuade you into trying red hair dye, just to test the waters (the purple and glasses remind him of young donnie and its confusing sometimes, he adores purple on you but hm. please try red lol)

eitherway, to sum it up, he adores your calm / affectionate personality, at first- he wants to give back as much as you do, he knows you can react a bit like his younger brother, so he goes slow, gives you time until you are more comfortable with receiving it. he has so much patience with you <3 oh! he has learned from your interactions that he is indeed a cuddler, and he cannot get enough of you.

hope you liked it! match ups are open!

[yoongisgoawaydoormat]

Is yoongi your fave in bts? I just today stumbled over a video of bts and watched and now 100 videos later i really think i kinda like them and especially Yoongi. He is such a sweetheart. so as a fellow 1d stan now into bts i wanted to know if louis was your fave and if yoongi is in bts? Cause i find it quite interesting to know^^'

ok so i have some esoteric ramblings that go far beyond the yes or no question you asked me here lmao... i guess im just feeling very “in this essay i will-” rn because of how much i truly adore both of them. also this basically turned into a personal diary entry but also simultaneously a cultural studies essay on how we make meaning in celebrities so like..... 🤷🏼‍♀️

@gettingaphdinmomo can u believe this anon let me merge 1d and bts? im indebted to them tbh

so yeah yoongi is my bias in bts and louis was always my fave in 1d! (well zayn too but z isn’t a member of 1d - tho i think he relates to some of the points im going to make here as well) and coincidentally i’ve actually been doing like... some self-psychoanalysis recently just reflecting on what my affection for louis and yoongi says about me, says about them, etc... just been thinkin’ ya know?

and i just feel like yoongi and louis are 2 sides of the same coin and it’s a coin that i distinctly Relate to and i’ll explain why. both yoongi and louis have very distinct caricature-type reputations on the surface. both vis-a-vis their role in their respective groups and in relation to the personalities that we see/they show us. 

and what i mean by that is that louis is known as loud, brash, exuberant (formerly camp and flamboyant as well, though im not even gonna try to get Into A Discussion of That rn); to most people that do not take the time to go far beyond the surface, that’s kind of louis’ whole deal, right? (again this isn’t a discussion of public opinion of louis and doesn’t account for how his various stories/stunts/‘relationships’ would impact people’s view of him)... yoongi is sort of in the same boat but on the opposite end of the spectrum if that makes sense? he’s the tsundere member. he’s seen as cold, distant, has dry humor, doesn’t like to show affection, etc. that’s what the caricature of min yoongi is.

but everyone who is a fan of either of them knows that neither of those caricatures are wholly accurate and that the caricatures belie an emotional depth and intelligence that both of them very clearly possess.

we can never know even a fraction of public figures’ personalities, but to the small extent that we do get glimpses, yoongi and louis are both individuals who clearly care very deeply about others. they are attentive to the emotions of those around them and they are supportive and nurturing in their own ways. but at the same time neither of them are overtly touchy-feely about it if that makes sense? their empathy is exhibited subtly but it runs deep. their demonstrations of caring and compassion are nuanced behind layers of something else. 

for louis, i think there’s always a bit of humor layered on top of his emotional displays (i.e. giving liam a hard time about being a ‘lad’). and i see myself in that. i use humor as a defense mechanism and couch everything serious in my life in a joke, for better or worse. again, im not saying that that’s what louis is or does in real life, i’ll never know nor would i presume to, but i am saying that i see something of myself reflected in Louis Tomlinson™ and among a million other reasons to love him i think that is one of the reasons i’ve always been drawn to him. he’s so compassionate and caring but you have to make sure you’re not distracted by his bright loudness to miss it. in addition to seeing myself reflected in louis, i also admire so much about him that i am not but aspire to be more like. i wish i could be more extroverted like him and i wish i could be a bright presence for the people around me like i know he is. so with louis i see myself and i see traits that inspire me to go outside my comfort zone and push my own boundaries.

for yoongi, the soft sweet infp that he is, i think his emotional displays are equally as subtle and layered behind a bit of stoicism and a bit of introversion and a bit of being very carefully selective about who he lets in. his displays of affection and caring are alway there but are not done to be viewed and given great attention (i.e. his hand holding). i don’t think yoongi much likes being the center of attention and would much rather have his members be that (lol @ jimin) but at the same time he has moments where his energy just bursts forth. these are moments where he’s clearly so comfortable with his surroundings and the people he’s with that he feels no need to be measured or restrained. again, this is all my interpretation of what i see and is thus filtered and distilled so many times that i’d never presume to state all of this as some factual evaluation of yoongi’s personality, but also again, i see myself in these observations and interpretations of yoongi. i find it very difficult to express my emotions (see the above point about couching everything in humor) but they are there and they are felt deeply and they show themselves in subtler ways. i find it difficult to display affection with even my closest friends and family but am also just a touch-starved bitch looking to hold someone’s hand like yoongi is always doing. i too sometimes begin to feel comfortable enough with those around me that my passion and excitement just bursts forth all at once, but only sometimes, otherwise im hyper conscious of myself and tend to self-police if i have not reached such a comfort level. i see a lot of that in Min Yoongi™. but like with louis i also see a lot in yoongi that i strive to be more like. i struggle with the weight of my own expectations for myself and i internalize A Lot, as yoongi seems to, but yoongi also demonstrates such a clarity of self when it comes to these things. i think he Knows himself quite well, which is something i’d like to be better at. i think his self awareness (something i think namjoon also has in spades) and his work ethic are admirable and inspire me greatly. he just seems so Lucid Perceptive and Insightful about his situation, and that encourages me to be more honest with myself about my own situation.

and like maybe this is all just a diatribe that could be applied by anyone to their fave celeb? there’s levels to abstraction to every celebrity and there’s always interpolation/projection our own traits, neuroses, insecurities, desires, etc. onto how we view our favorite celebs... but idk there seems to be something slightly different with celebs like yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon actually now that i think about it). 

like let’s contrast it with other 1d and bts members: jin and hobi have carefully constructed the way they want to be seen and they don’t let people see much beyond that (and they’re So Valid for that). i actually think niall is quite a lot like this as well. the caricature is the whole picture that we get if that makes sense (though of course not even a fraction of the whole person which we are not nor should we be privy to) but its still a human picture, its still rooted in a sense and a feeling of authenticity; it just has its boundaries and is clear about those boundaries. thus the consumer public gets a discrete, self-contained persona whose likeability isn’t necessarily dependent on the consumer’s ability to relate or see themselves in the persona but rather is simply likeable!

then you have liam and jungkook who i see as quite similar in some ways for some reason (which im sure is gonna get me yelled at lmao). i dont mean that i think they’re similar people just that i think both of them are quite earnest and what you see is what you get with them. i don’t think either of them have it in them to pull a jin/hobi/harry (see below) and construct/be viligent about the boundaries of their persona. i think tae and jimin are mostly like this as well. they’re all just kind of unapologetically themselves (liam particularly after 1d ended, tho i know that, ironically, many feel he’s a bit of a poser nowadays)? i see these types of figures as similar to the type above just with less stable boundaries/less concern for those boundaries.

then you have harry whose caricature is constructed to be larger than life, to be almost non-human in its Celeb-ification. Harry Styles™ is not meant to allow for reflection of yourself in it. the consumer is not supposed to find parts of themselves relating to Harry Styles™, that defeats the purposes of the larger than lifeness of Harry Styles™. (i know this sounds bad and don’t get me wrong i do hate harry lol but i also don’t think this is an inherently Bad way to be a celebrity. it’s the david bowie, lady gaga [pre-joanne] school of celebrity and its fine, i just think it should be recognized for what it is and i think its very different from how bts and the other members of 1d operate [though i recognize that some people would view zayn in this light]).

personally i think yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, to account for everyone in this analysis here) don’t fit into the above categories. clearly i dont think any of these four are in the Harry Styles™-type camp (duh). but i also don’t think they fit into the authentic-but-carefully-boundaried jin/hobi/niall camp nor the what-you-see-is-what-you-get liam/maknae line camp. i think these 4 occupy a limbo space between the two ‘categories.’

anyways, the long and the short of it is that we all make our own meaning in celebrities. for me, i find myself drawn to yoongi and louis because i see traits of my own reflected back at the same time and in the same person that i see aspirational traits. im inspired and im comforted by this duality that yoongi and louis provide for me. i love all the members of 1d and bts (except harry lolz) but yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, who i’d say is my 2nd bias in bts if that wasn’t already clear) hold special places in my heart because of how they occupy my sort of nebulous fourth category of celebhood.

anyways, i’m pretty sure no one is still reading this, which i do Not blame you for, but that’s my two cents! i love min yoongi and louis tomlinson, whats new!!!!!!!!!

[jungblue]

I've always read in fics, when the girl comes, it's like a wave of juices that drips out but when I hit my high and cum, there's barely anything that comes out..I mean it's damp but not like over the top soaked. Is that the case for anyone else?

Anonymous said:i nver cummed tho. :( i mean i clit penetration because it works best for me and im scared fingering myself, but after that, i just feel a very nice feeling but nothing comes out like the one in porn. is it weird? 

no i would say that nothing coming out when you orgasm is more common. like you’ll get wetter obviously but most of the time it’s not gushing out like it’s described in fics. you know when you write smut over and over, sometimes you just want things to be more exciting and descriptive even if it’s not necessarily realistic

Anonymous said: I've heard that riding a guy's dick doesn't include all of the bouncing up and down as it's portrayed in fanfics because the bouncing can actually end up hurting the guy, I heard it's more of like rolling your hips in a wave motion or making figure 8's, correct me if I'm wrong

well it can be either really. some guys like the bouncing bc they enjoy all the tit action, but it just depends. and it won’t hurt them unless you’re like slamming your entire body weight down on them lol. and as for the hip rolling lots of girls like the grinding motion bc they can stimulate their clit while they do that

Anonymous said: I remember when my ex-bf and i were still dating he thought every girl could get off by just dick alone. Not fun to explain to him how the female body works. 😒 I've found that I can get myself off faster, harder, and more times than he ever could though, so its fine!

lol well in his defense lots of girls themselves think that as well. so many think that there’s something wrong bc they can’t cum via penetration alone, when in reality most girls can’t. and jxaskdlsn that’s so cold lol

Anonymous said: I've always masturbated with my panties on, idk if it's a kink (I don't think it is in my case) but that's how I've been doing it for who knows how long. I want to say maybe because I'm so used to it? I've tried multiple times going in bare but it doesn't feel the same or there's no friction. I don't know, I just hope my future bf doesn't see it as anything weird...

everyone likes different things! if it’s what makes you comfortable then that’s all that matters!

Anonymous said: is it weird that I’m not interested in dating?? i mean, I’ve never dated anyone before and I’ve never had anyone like me,, but regardless I’m not interested… I’ve had crushes before but when I’ve really thought about it, daydreaming about like dating them was never really pleasant or nice and only one person ever came close but,,, in general,,, for me fantasizing is nice but when I really think about a specific person it’s not as nice anymore?? Idk,,, it’s weird...

no i get that! honestly dating has always been weird for me. i’ll like someone but then they show interest in dating and i freak out lol. though i’ve been in a relationship and i enjoyed it a lot, so i now it’s not that i don’t like dating, it’s just the initial push of opening up that i don’t like i guess. but regardless of that it’s perfectly fine if dating isn’t your thing. lots of people are that way actually

Anonymous said: What does getting eaten out actually feel like...? I've always felt weird about that idea, especially since it's an area that can get pretty sensitive but also because I'm so self conscious about it, smell, look, everything you know?

hmm the sensation is hard to explain tbh. like it’s just really wet and soft?? lol idk how to properly describe it other than it feels really nice. but as for being self-conscious of it, i think that’s a normal thing that people are worried about initially. but honestly as long as you properly shower and stuff none of the other stuff really matters. sex can be hard to get comfortable with at first, but after a while you’ll become less self-conscious about these types of things!

Anonymous said: Lmao here's a sad fun fact: I can't finger myself because my fingers are too short. I'm 21 years old and I can't finger myself. Thank the unholy heavens for sex toys 🙌🏻

you have baby jimin fingers huh lol. but hey you’re right sex toys give are god sent. i don’t really use my hands anymore for masturbating. just the handy vibrator :’))

Anonymous said: Thanks for this lil sex talk, its really awkward to talk about in person Anyway I'm reading a lot about peeing after sex, but does the same apply for masturbation?

no problem! and i’ve seen that you’re supposed to also go to the bathroom even after masturbating just to clear the bacteria from touching yourself

Anonymous said: On the topic of Utis, you can also get them by holding in your pee so if you need to use the restroom GO! I've had a uti twice from holding in my pee because hate public bathrooms but you gotta do what you gotta do! AND YES! PEE AFTER SEX! EVEN IF YOU CAN'T FORCE ANYTHING OUT, DOWN A GLASS OF WATER AND PEEEEEE

yeah utis are the actual devil 

[herohawks]

Five times Connor is forced to call Hank “dad”. They both suffer.

A/N: short little snippets im writing while my wrist is out of commission. dont know if im going to post them to ao3 since  kinda crack-ish lmao. feel free to send me prompts.

---

PART 1

“Remind me again why we agreed to this shit?”

Connor hefts a box onto his shoulder and balances another on his hip. Hank is struggling to carry one. The bottom of the cardboard is not taped adequately to withstand the current weight. Hank had been the one to tape this particular box, but Connor thinks it best not to point this out.

“We agreed to take the case because we are one of the few within the DPD who specialize in android-human crime. And, as Captain Fowler pointed out, our particular skill sets will allow us to infiltrate this group much easier than our other coworkers,” Connor says as he leads the way to the front door of their new home.

Hank snorts, uneven steps following not far behind. “Skill sets. Yeah. That what they’re calling it these days?”

“That’s what the captain called it, yes.” Connor deftly switches the box on his hip to his knee, balancing it between his leg and the wall so he can fish out the house key the captain had entrusted to him.

The key latches in easily and Connor swings the door open with little fanfare. He allows Hank to go first under the guise of trying to get a better grip on the box he’s currently holding over his knee. The structural integrity of Hank’s box is nearly at its limit.

“Well,” Hank huffs, dropping the box onto the living room floor with a muffled thump. Connor sets his down much more gently. “Jeffrey has always been too nice for his own good, so I’m gonna set it to you straight. You look like a goddamned twink and Jeffrey thinks your scrawny ass will fit in real well with these other skinny, starving college kids. I’m here to make sure you don’t screw it up.”

Connor looks to the ceiling and sighs. It’s a mannerism he’s picked up from Detective Reed that he quite likes. It accurately and efficiently sums up what he wishes to convey with little effort on his part.

“I am not ‘scrawny’,” Connor says, a tad defensive. “Second, the term ‘twink’ is widely outdated and carries negative conn—“

“Connor. Do me a favor and shut the fuck up.” Hank stretches his back, then groans loudly when it pops. “Jesus, I’m too old for this shit.”

“You only carried one box,” Connor points out helpfully, twirling the key ring on his finger for lack of anything better to do with his hands. He itches to go bring in the other nine boxes stacked in Hank’s car.

Hank rolls his eyes so hard Connor is briefly worried that they’ll fall out their sockets. “Jesus Christ. Just – go get the other boxes, would ya?”

Connor does, and makes good time. Hank grumbles while unpacking the boxes, throwing things in a haphazard manner that must have some sort of logic to it, though it’s not one that Connor can decipher at a glance.

With Hank’s back turned to him, Connor takes the chance to run a quick scan. The lieutenant’s blood sugar is low, and Connor detects a minor muscle strain in his lower back from poor posture and lack of adequate hydration.

They still need to go grocery shopping, but Connor had packed a few granola bars and water bottles just in case. He digs them out of one of the boxes and kneels down beside Hank to hand them over. “You need to eat, Lieutenant.”

“Thanks,” he says gruffly, snatching the water and energy bar from Connor. He sets it aside so Connor leaves him be and goes to unpack the other boxes.

They settle into an easy rhythm. An hour later, Connor hears the telltale crinkle of the protein bar being unwrapped and wisely says nothing when Hank’s mood significantly improves from that point after.

What probably felt like an eternity for Hank but was in actuality three hours and thirty-two minutes, they’re finally finished settling in. Connor is pleased to note everything is where it needs to be when he does a cursory scan of the rooms. Despite Hank’s grumbling, they make a great team.

“Great work, Lieutenant,” Connor says as he comes back into the living room where Hank is currently lounging on the couch. “It seems like everything is in order.”

Hank scoffs. “Don’t act so surprised.” A pause. “And it’s not ‘Lieutenant’ right now. Don’t blow our cover.”

“You’re right. Sorry, Dad.” The moment the sentence leaves his vocal unit, a heavy silence stretches between them. Connor has a peculiar urge to exit the room and not return for maybe forever.

“Okay. That was fucking weird,” Hank says finally, breaking the tense hush that had fallen over the room. He runs a hand over his beard, eyes flicking around but never settling on one thing for long.

Connor feels some of the tenseness in his shoulders melt away at the implication that Hank, too, may be feeling some measure of awkwardness. “I agree.”

“Shit. We need to get our shit together before we’re seen in public.”

“It’ll take some getting used to,” Connor admits, and runs a finger along the outer seam of his jeans. They’re not as comfortable nor as flexible as the pants CyberLife had issued him, but it’s currently the style preference of many young adults, and Connor has to blend in. He still misses his own pants, though.

“Want to go grab a bite and forget this ever happened?” Hank asks as he pulls himself up from the couch with a grunt.

Connor does. “Yes. I would like that.”

Hank makes a valiant effort to throw his crumpled wrapper into the small waste bin set along the floor separating the kitchen and living room. He misses. Connor quietly goes over and places the wrapper in the bin.

“Thanks. Hey, don’t forget your glasses,” Hank says and Connor can’t help but wrinkle his nose. Hank laughs. “What, not a fan?”

“You know I’m not,” Connor says, a little cross. Nevertheless, he unhooks it from his shirt and puts them on. They constantly slip down the bridge of his nose. “It’s impractical.”

Hank does not care about his suffering. “It’s your disguise so quit complaining. You’re not the only one who had to make some changes.”

The lieutenant scruffs a self-conscious hand over his freshly cut hair. It’s shorn short with the top a little longer – it looks good, Connor thinks. Makes him appear younger and highlighting the blues of his eyes.

Connor’s glasses, on the other hand, do not look good. They’re clunky and annoying, and Connor thinks they sit awkwardly on his face. The urge to snap them in half is strong.

“They look fine,” Hank says with the tone of someone who’s said this many, many times, which he has. Connor does not believe him any of those times. “Hurry up. I’m starving.”

“Fine.” Connor is getting better at expressing his displeasure through his tone, but Hank tends to ignore this new development as he does with anything he finds inconvenient.

They decide to walk. More accurately, Connor decides that if they’re going to order something unhealthy, they can, at the very least, walk there. Hank is not pleased. Connor doesn’t care.

  A mile and a half later, a small lot with a few food trucks parked in a messy half-circle comes into view. Hank makes a beeline for the hotdog truck so Connor trails behind him. Hank orders a hotdog with only one topping at Connor’s insistence, and Connor buys a small vanilla milkshake to maintain appearances.

  The lot is very crowded, but they manage to snag a table near the sidewalk and away from most of the congested foot-traffic. There’s a light drizzle so Connor pops open the umbrella attached to the table. The atmosphere reminds him of their meeting at the Chicken Feed all those months ago, when Hank had been skeptical and Connor had been apologetic and insistent.

  That had been one of their first, positive conversations. It’s a fond memory, one that Connor keeps tucked away in his memory files for safekeeping.

  “So,” Hank says, snapping Connor out of his musings. “Excited about your first day of school tomorrow?” Hank is grinning so Connor levels him with an unimpressed look. “What? A father can’t have a healthy interest in his son’s education?”

  Connor sets his plastic cup down firmly. “No.”

  “Don’t be like that,” Hank laughs and Connor shakes his head, rubbing his fingers along his temple in a gesture he’s seen Hank do many times.

  His fingers stutter over the place where his LED used to be, the synthetic skin smooth to the touch. He feels oddly naked without it. Vulnerable. He wouldn’t mind the glasses half as much if he could just have his LED back.

  Something must show on his face because Hank’s smile fades a few seconds later, replaced with a worried expression. “Hey, kid. You alright?”

  “Fine,” Connor says a touch too quickly. Hank’s eyebrows shoot up, clearly unconvinced. He runs a finger one more time over his temple before placing it back on the table. “Nervous, maybe.”

  “Hmm. About school?” The way he says it implies he is talking about something else. Connor believes he is inquiring about their current undercover case, so he nods. “Don’t sweat it. You’ll be fine. You’re smart, and a fast learner. You’ll fit right in.”

  Connor has his doubts. While he’s done extensive research into the university as well as updating his human integration program to include the most recent pop culture and dialect, Connor can’t help the uneasiness that settles in the pit of his stomach. Maybe Hank is right. Perhaps this is beyond their capabilities.

  Connor keeps silent and pretends to sip his milkshake.

College is…an experience.

Connor takes the automated bus despite Hank’s insistence he drive him there. The walkways are constantly flooded with harried students and Connor finds himself having to fight the crowd more often than not.

He observes that many of his peers carry some type of overly-caffeinated beverage on them at all times (there had been a memorable moment when Connor’s sensors had picked up vodka disguised as water in someone’s water bottle, but he’d kept the information to himself). After this observation, Connor stopped by the local coffee shop on campus to purchase a small, black coffee. It reminds him of Hank.

His classes had been fairly boring, but Connor supposes that is to be expected. Hank had told him university was probably going to be uninteresting to an android that could calculate over a thousand possible scenarios in two seconds. Connor had promptly told him it actually takes him an average of 0.53 seconds to compute those scenarios, which had resulted in Hank scuffing him across the head.

Connor, despite his reservations, slots into college life seamlessly. Finding the group responsible for the android hate crimes disguised as hazing is almost too simple. They arrest the group three months later once he’s obtained the proper amount of evidence, plus some. Connor wishes they’d at least make it a challenge.

Overall, a success.

“Good job on your first undercover op,” Hank says over dinner.

Here, Connor doesn’t have to pretend to eat. He hadn’t realized how exhausting it is to pretend to be human. His LED is firmly reinstalled, and Connor brings his fingers up to brush it periodically, the familiar ridges soothing.

Sumo lies by their feet, tail thumping happily every time Connor or Hank looks his way. The Saint Bernard had missed them dearly in their four months apart.

“Thank you.” Connor is pleased with the results. His whole body feels warm, but jittery at the same time, like he has excess energy that can’t be contained. He bounces his leg, he twiddles his fingers, and shifts his posture every few seconds. “I’m glad we were able to bring them to justice.”

“Nah,” Hank says after swallowing a bite of his vegetarian stir-fry (Connor’s making, of course). “You’re just happy you don’t have to wear those dorky glasses anymore.”

“So you agree, then. That they looked bad.” Connor feels betrayed. Hank had told him they’d looked fine. Hank is a filthy liar.

Hank snorts and shovels more food into his mouth before replying. “What’d you do with them anyway?” Avoiding Connor’s sort-of question.

Connor rolls his shoulders in a self-satisfied way, and shoots Hank a sly grin. “On the record, I disposed of them in the appropriate recycling bin. Off the record, they may have ended up in a bonfire at the last party I attended as a college student.”

Hank barks a laugh and slaps the table. Connor smiles, too. “Shit,” Hank says, wiping his eyes. “You make me proud, kid.”

“Thank you.”

“Tell ya what, though. Having you call me ‘dad’ for four months was probably the most awkward four months of my life. As long as we don’t gotta do that shit again, I can die happy,” Hank says, taking a sip of his water.

Connor nods. “Agreed.”