#yes I too am affected and I don't consider myself a swiftie

[anika-ann]

*listening to The Prophesy on repeat thinking about Knight Steve and his witchy reader*

No but really that song has a chokehokd on me it's just such a beautiful song to listen to start with help 🥺😭

[9w1ft]

Hi. Maybe this is a bit too personal. I don't know. I'm being forced into a context in which I'm going to be surrounded by antis. I know some of them are just genuinely believing the official story. And some of them just think "Taylor would never be a dirty gay", whether they're aware that's their motivation or not.

And it... sucks. I wanted to ask you. When you're emotionally upset, what helps you? How do you deal? Do you have a strategy? Advice? I'm tired lately and the stuff that I usually could weather affects me more. And I don't know how to handle it, this time. It's not about Taylor. It's not even specifically about homophobia. It's just about when you feel like if this was a movie this would be the time for the crying on the couch montage, you know ?

I hope it's okay that I asked this.

i went a little freeform with my answer, i hope you don’t mind! also this is what i do but i really think that it’s gonna depend on who you are as an individual (your personality etc). hopefully some parts resonate for you though! and i hope some people share in the comments their thoughts as well because it’s a feeling we have all shared.

i’m writing this assuming by antis you mean you will be in mixed company with people that strongly believe taylor is Not Gay, though somehow i get similarly impassioned when it comes to other groups of people on this venn diagram.

there was a certain time on my journey here where i came to the conclusion that each person will have to find their way to taylor’s truth on their own, and for some people it’s just going to take far longer. and so i try to sit back and appreciate how rare it is and how happy i am to have come to this conclusion at this point in my life.

i remember during lover era, specifically after the yntcd video came out, even seeing a few choice swiftie accounts with a heavily anti edge (accounts known for sending and directing hate to lowercase g gaylors) suddenly begin backpedaling a bit and even making room in their words for the interpretation that she might like women in addition to men.

it was such a wild time… and it gave us a peek, i think, into how things might unfold more completely… someday…

personally i think that scene in miss americana, the one where she talks about the parade in ME! including everything that makes her her, like ***gay pride*** , is all the unequivocal information you need to understand that you are on the right side of history on this one.

with the advent of tiktok, and seeing various young lgbt voices talk about how it’s kind of ingenious how taylor managed to come out only to the people who want to hear it, has given me a sense of hope that this process is long but it’s one that’s moving toward a day when we won’t have to find ourselves in so many of the situations that you describe.

of course it hasn’t been a simple path… we had the back and forth situation with betty, for example, and other moments which have felt like one step forward two steps back. it does hurt, especially when the people you talk about having to hang out with are people you consider your peers or even friends. to feel such a dissonance with people who on other levels you might consider sisters or friends with otherwise shared values.

i myself have revealed too much of my thinking to a few real people in my life and while none of them are anti per-se, i have had to handle looking like a chronically online person to some of those that i love. but i’ve found ways to brush it off and make it a running joke. pulling out the old scooby doo villain voice and going “just you all wait! one day i *will* be vindicated” or like “yeah lmao it’s my one unhealthy preoccupation and it’s AMAZING” or “these are my problematic faves yes, and what are yours??” in other words i try to own it.

but if you’re in one of those situations where you just want to go incognito, or for those teary main character moments on the couch with a glass of whisky or wine, what i have found works for me is taking solace in the notion that you’re on to *something* with this, and that this is something that’s not only special, but has affected your life in positive ways. maybe it’s expanded the way you’ve thought about the world, or maybe it has given you moments of wonder or awe, or motivation to go out there and contribute a little bit more to society in hopes for a brighter future. i know all these things sound abstract but i think it’s important to find ways to treasure what *gestures broadly* all this has meant for you on your life path. beautify it in your mind.

not to turn this into a “maybe kaylor was about the friends we made along the way” type of sentiment but i for one am super grateful for many of the friendships that have come out of this, that have really enriched my adult life. i’ve also become more observant and overall just more agile at finding commonalities and connecting things and in some ways it’s made me a more efficient and creative person in my profession. my views on life and love and marriage and other big ticket concepts have also been enriched by everything that has transpired. when i’m down in the dumps about something or a lack of something i try and find these kinds of things to be grateful for, and it centers me and i find a happiness there. it’s a happy mess.

this is what i found works for me anyways.