#yes I know it was a throwaway line that was just a joke but regardless it is canon that the roadhouse is near an arby's I rest my case

[freakwiththeknifecollection]

How deranged of a Jogirl am I? Earlier I was trying to figure out where (approximately) the Roadhouse would be canonically and this is how I went about it (the objectively funniest way)

[wooahaes]

a surprise to soothe anxieties

pairing: non-idol!i.n x fem!reader, ft coworkers!3racha... and also seungcheol from accounting in a throwaway line

genre: established relationship au. kinda fluffy? kinda comfort-y.

warnings: reader is written to have anxiety in some form. 3racha being readers friends to the point of 'yeah we'll throw hands for u.' food mentions. reader worries jeongin forgot her bday. also a lil hint that reader's past relationships have been kinda shit. candles(/flame) mentioned but they're battery-operated/fake.

word count: ~1.5k

daisy's notes: know tht i loved writing chris + binnie + jisung popping in for a moment.

Jeongin had kissed you that morning before you left for work. “Good morning,” he said, casual as could be. “Have a good day at work, okay?”

Which… If you were honest, wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear first thing on your birthday. 

You’d never been someone who was so attached to having your birthday recognized to an absurd degree. Sure, you liked to do little things to celebrate—but unless a person was close to you, you were pretty indifferent to whether people recognized your birthday. Of course, for the people closest to you, the sting from them forgetting was pretty inevitable no matter how much you wished it wasn’t. For Jeongin… You tried to talk yourself out of overthinking it. Most likely, he hadn’t put any thoughts into it yet—it was early, and he had mentioned he had plans for today. Jeongin would likely call you at lunch (or just text if he was busy) when he remembered. Was it too clingy to wonder? You weren’t sure, but most of your day at work had been spent overthinking everything.

“You’re pacing,” Chris didn’t look up from his computer screen for a moment. “What did you two argue over?”

Of course Chris would guess that. While you and Jeongin didn’t fight often (you bickered most often over the silliest things, yes, but fights? The two of you were good at stepping back, calming down, and talking things out), Chris knew how you were when things were a little rough. You paced too much, you couldn’t focus for too long, and you apparently were prone to sighing sometimes (although that one was something Changbin noticed and pointed out to you). 

“Nothing!” You paused. “But…” With a sigh, you leaned against the copier. “It’s my birthday and Jeongin didn’t say anything.” 

Chris looked up. “Hold on. It’s your birthday? And you didn’t tell any of us?” 

You just crossed your arms, shrugging. “It’s not a huge deal—”

“Seungcheol in accounting pouts when you don’t wish him a happy birthday,” Chris pointed his pen at you. “That’s why Jeonghan sent out that email once. I would have bought you something if I knew—”

“It’s fine, Chris,” you waved him off. “I’m fine.”

He nodded after a moment. “Fine… But if you want me to buy lunch one day, just say the word.” Then he turned, watching you closer. “I don’t think Jeongin forgot, by the way.”

You let out a heavy sigh. “I know, but…”

“Can’t help wondering?” 

Changbin looked up from his seat. “Wondering what?”

“Her boyfriend didn’t wish her happy birthday,” Chris turned back to him. “You know Jeongin, right?”

Changbin looked at you. “Do I need to fight him? I work out. I could do it.” 

Despite how buff Changbin was, you didn’t think he had it in him to hurt another person—regardless of the way he was joking now. You shook your head anyway. “I’m not hurt by it—”

“You should be,” Jisung leaned back in his chair, butting his way into the conversation oh-so-casually. “I would be. He’s your boyfriend. He should do better.” 

You turned, poking Jisung’s forehead. “Jeongin is nowhere near the worst guy I’ve dated. Forgetting to say ‘happy birthday’ this morning is nothing.” 

Even still, the thought never fully left your head. Although you noticed the way Jisung quietly set a snack on your desk at one point, giving you a shy smile before heading back to his own desk—and the casual way Changbin offered to refill your water bottle for you at one point, just to be nice—it hadn’t exactly lightened your mood any. Hell, you ended up taking Chris up on the offer to buy you lunch, just to get out of the office for a little bit. All throughout work, your mind kept going back to Jeongin. Seungmin had texted you a little ‘happy birthday! you’re getting old :)’ at one point. How did Jeongin’s best friend remember and he didn’t…?

By the time you were off work, Chris had convinced you to let him drive you home. It was your birthday, the least he could do is spare you another trip through public transportation. Not that it was hard to convince you—you’d denied it maybe twice, just because it was out of the way, but asking if you wanted to put up with the journey home was all you needed to agree. He’d walked you into the lobby of your building, giving you a warm hug.

Before he left, he held you by the upper arms for a moment. “If Jeongin did forget… Just let us know. We’ll rough him up for you,” he chuckled, just trying to get a smile out of you.

It did work, to be fair. You just rolled your eyes. “Uh-huh. Drive home safe, Chris.”

You stepped into the elevator, already feeling how jittery you’d become. If Jeongin didn’t say anything… How were you supposed to gently correct him? It felt weird to do. You hugged yourself, letting out a slow sigh. People were busy. People sometimes forgot things. Forgetting one birthday wouldn’t be too bad, especially if he was sorry for it later. The elevator slowed to a stop, and you stepped out to head to your apartment. You slowly punched in the code to your apartment door, took a moment to compose yourself, and then stepped inside.

Immediately, you were greeted to the sight of dimmed lights with little battery-operated candles lighting the way to the dinner table. You stopped where you stood, just staring at the sight that greeted you for a moment before slowly stepping in. Stepping out of your work shoes, you set them aside before blindly groping for where you’d left your house slippers when leaving that morning. But you could hear Jeongin moving about the apartment slowly.

“Happy birthday to you…”

His voice carried through the apartment, pretty as ever as he continued to sing the song. Even though you hated when people sang it to you, you always made an exception for Jeongin because of the way he’d sing it to you. His voice was always kept soft rather than the loud half-yelling half-singing people would do—which felt like a competition for attention. Slowly, he came into view, carrying a little cake with candles lit on top of it. He stopped, smiling at you as he finished the song.

“Happy birthday—”

All at once, your emotions overwhelmed you and tears were running down your cheeks. When did he set all of this up? How did he get everything without you realizing…? You could smell your favorite dinner from where you stood, and everything seemed to hit you threefold. Jeongin’s eyes widened as he quickly moved to set the cake down and then come to you. 

“Are you okay?” He giggled. “Angel? Sunshine?” He paused, only deciding to tease you a little further with a playful, “My love—”

You just wrapped your arms around him, sniffling. “I thought you forgot.”

“Ah… So it’s my fault you’re crying,” he didn’t seem bothered by it—almost as if he was teasing himself for the act. He squeezed you closer to him. “I wanted to surprise you. I should have texted you like I was going to, but…” 

You just squeezed him tighter, too relieved because your favorite person hadn’t forgotten you like your anxiety had tried to tell you. You knew it was silly, but still… It was hard to not worry when those thoughts had haunted you all day. He swayed with you for a moment, giggling softly as he pressed soft kisses against the side of your head.

“I made your favorite,” he said. “I had to watch a video to make sure I was doing it right, but it tastes good!” He craned his neck and rested his head atop yours, taking full advantage of the fact you were a step lower than him right now. A moment later, he drew away, looking you in the eyes. “Did I really upset you that much…?”

You shook your head, wiping at your eyes. “No, just…” With a deep breath, you composed yourself before facing him fully. “I guess I got carried away with my thoughts.” 

“I’m sorry,” he kissed your forehead. “I’ll say something next time and then surprise you with things.” His hands ran down your arms until he was holding your hands in his own, taking a step back. “Why don’t we eat instead? I don’t want it to get cold.”

You let him guide you away easily enough. “Okay,” you said. “Jeongin?”

“Mhm?”

“I love you,” you said, soft and shyer than before. “Thank you for the surprise. It’s sweet.”

“So you like it?” His eyes lit up a little, and he was smiling at you again. “I’ll outdo it next year.” 

And maybe he would. But you’d be looking forward to it regardless, happy to be loved by him.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @jinnie-ret @cheesemonky

[aro-culture-is]

Romance repulsed aro culture is watching a movie and getting invested in a cute friendship between the male and female main characters with banter, and dancing, and really sweet moments!

Then getting hit in the face with ye olde "ahhh noo I'm a guy who has fallen for my female best friendddd" subplot comlplete with a friendzone joke y'know, because men and women can't actually stay just friends without inevitably developing attraction for each other. /s

But you keep watching anyway because the rest of the movie is good, like, really enjoyable and pretty well written! But the romance subplot keeps rearing its ugly head, and my gosh, is it ugly..

And the confession scene happens after so few pining moments on the girl's side, making you wonder if the "I love you" was platonic because the guy never outright told her he had feelings for her besides like a throwaway line of like "why do I care about you the most in the world" or something after their fight.

There's one moment at the end where they're holding hands and lovingly smiling at each other and it's really cute but again you're left wondering "so are they together or not???"

So you wait a year or so after the next movie is announced, excited to see it anyway regardless of your romance repulsion because bright colors, adorable designs, pretty okay writing! You watch the series in the meantime, and read some books, finding them super cute together as best friends.

And then the day comes, the synopsis is released, you're so hyped to learn what the movie is because you adore the franchise! And then you're punched in the gut with confirmation that yes, they are indeed dating now, and there was.. "relentless flirting"..?

So, um, moral of the story. To quote our queen Avril Lavigne- If he's a boy, and she's a girl, they won't make it anymore obvious. And if you're like me you're going to fall for it.

EVERY. DAMN. TIME.

[TLDR: Romance repulsed aro culture is asking yourself why you keep falling for the m/f friendship every time knowing damn well heteronormativity exists]

.

[buckevantommy]

Sorry do you hate marvel or not? You reblogged a gif set from moon knight, that straight up nonsense show, saying they should give a show to one of the supporting characters? You know if you hate marvel media you can just not watch it right

marvel needs to die a fiery death.

i love stucky but the studio either queerbaited or was clueless or queerphobic plus steve's endgame made no sense. i love rdj's tony stark but he deserved better. they sexualised natasha to the nth degree rather than let scarjo work her drama muscles then killed her off rather than let her retire. moon knight was a mess but it was heartwrenching and different and oscar isaac deserves an award for that portrayal and i have a crush on layla and think may would crush a solo show - an egyptian superhero! (sidenote: i watched hawkeye recently and hated it but the deaf woc who got a redemption arc is getting her own show which is great).

i can care about characters and still hate their treatment - I'm an spn fan, it's second nature for me.

one of the many problems with the mcu is they're churning out multiple shows and movies per year which means they're not giving time to flesh out characters and plots like they deserve to be but it ALSO means a lot of eyes are on them bc when you crank out that much content in this day and age you HAVE to give diverse representation so we're seeing more and more poc characters in shows and on the big screen thanks to the mcu - eternals, shang-chi, moon knight, ms marvel, echo, blue beetle - and yes the mcu's diverse rep is problematic bc they care more about flash than substance and more about algorithms than grounded characterisations but you can't deny that the mcu has helped bring diverse casting into mainstream media. the worst company you know did a good thing, or however the saying goes. think back to the first avenger movies and how whitebred supermodel cishet they were. but thanks to societal influence and the changing of times, it became a necessity to have more poc characters in the mcu. the audience expected it.

however when it comes to queer rep, we've seen a lot more racially and bodily diverse casting and poc characters than we have queer characters. the first onscreen gay kiss took 26 movies and happened in Eternals, and other queer characters have been blink and you'll miss it moments or throwaway lines many viewers don't realise signified queer characters and instead misinterpreted those comments as humour or commentary. we've had a few queer side characters (negasonic x yukio, ayo x aneka, valkyrie, korg) but we're to yet to see a main queer character - and regardless of intention or comic book canon, throwaway lines, possible flirting, and jokes do not qualify as queer rep imho. so loki, deadpool, and tony stark don't count. it has to be explicit and undeniable, not catered to queerphobes so they can easily misinterpret.

but my point is: the mcu is a powerhouse that's been dominating the superhero genre and blockbuster charts for two decades, and from their success they've bet big in planning and putting into production dozens of shows and movies set to be released over the next decade. and that is a terrifying thought. they can't predict the future but they're trying to create content to fit a world that hasn't come into being yet. they're already behind the times on queer rep so i dont have high hopes for whatever they have coming queer-rep wise. but aside from that, their storytelling has become trite and so convoluted that they trade sense for the surprise factor. they're writing characters and plots to fit algorithm parameters like someone trying to say every buzzword in their work presentation. just look at Quantumania: a mess from start to finish in plot, dialogue, characterisations, not to mention stilted acting from a cast forced to act the majority of the film on greenscreen with no physical interactions to ground their performances.

i could go on and on but this post would get long and i'm no expert I'm just your average viewer and tumblr user looking for plots that make sense in stories i want to enjoy because i care about (or want to care about) the characters. if only the mcu cared as much about their characters as they do about big budget seizure inducing interdimensional battle scenes. as for genuine queer rep: maybe in 3 years we'll see a pair of same-sex lips gentle colliding like two pale coconuts. or maybe the mcu will crash and burn (or fizzle out) long before then.

i wanna be done with their stranglehold on the genre since they can't even produce decent shit these days. i want all the strikes going on atm to see creative teams get what they're owed. i want the next dozen mcu productions to flop so they realise they're not hot shit anymore. i want the streamer service upheaval to screw over their longterm plans. i want viewers and bloggers and journalists to call them out for being like the very villains they set up for their heroes to defeat - villains who want to control the cinematic universe, kill off competition, and screw over anyone they consider beneath them.

so yes, i hate the mcu. but there are characters i care about, and plots i wish were done better. but that's why fanfiction exists.

[rallamajoop]

How (not) to say ‘fuck’ in Etruscan (and other things I cannot believe I spent so much time tracking down for a throwaway joke in a Witcher slash-fic)

Buried in chapter 4 of my fic Something Nice is a joke which, as much as it amused me, no-one else is going to get unless I explain it. So here we go.

For the last few people in this fandom who haven't heard yet: The Witcher 3's vampire-language is Etruscan. To my knowledge, there's never been an official statement from CDPR to confirm this, but the evidence (ie. that basically all the vampire vocab can be found in online Etruscan sources) seems pretty solid. To explain why this made me go oooooh that's so NEAT, we need a little context.

Context!

The Etruscans (in my admittedly far-from-expert understanding) were a people who lived in Italy back before the Romans got around to conquering-slash-assimilating the rest of the peninsula, and the language they spoke is one of the most frustratingly mysterious of the ancient world. Most dead languages are at least related to something modern linguists have a decent handle on, but Etruscan seems to have been related to almost nothing else spoken – it may even have pre-Indo-European roots (a whoooole other tangent I am in no way qualified to cover).

Surprisingly, we do owe our modern Latin alphabet in part to the Etruscans, since the earliest Roman alphabets were adapted from the Etruscan (who got it from the Greeks, who got it from from the Phoneticians, and so on). The Etruscans may even be the reason we're stuck with so many weirdly redundant K-sounds (not only K and C, but X and Q, which are really just 'ks' and 'kw' with an overblown sense of superiority).

But being able to sound out every surplus K-word from an Etruscan inscription isn't much help nowadays when there are no surviving Etruscan dictionaries to tell us what it actually means – not even a decent Etruscan Rosetta stone to give us a push-start. So while modern linguists may rattle off Ancient Greek fluently or puzzle out Egyptian hieroglyphs from thousands of years before the Etruscans even had an alphabet, the Etruscan vocabulary available to us nowadays remains embarrassingly limited. Bits have been figured out from context or thanks to loanword exchanges with their neighbours (plenty of ancient Greeks and Romans certainly spoke Etruscan, even if they failed to write it down), but a lot is still as mysterious to the experts as it would be to you and me.

So why to I love the idea of using Etruscan as the Witcher’s vampire-language so much? Basically, if you want a language that will sound both old and reliably alien to anyone listening to it – be they the mainstream English-speaking market or the original Polish-language audience – Etruscan is a damn good call. You're not going to have much vocabulary to draw from, but it's not like there's a lot of vampire-chatter in the game anyway. It's a cool little easter egg for fans nerdy enough to try and figure out what they're saying.

Translations and Sources

You aren’t going to find a lot of great Etruscan language sources on the web – few of the easily-discovered online sources on Etruscan vocab appear to have been updated within the last ten years, and lord knows how consistent some of these are with current scholarship (let alone how sure linguists can be about anything with a task like this). All the same, have some links you may find useful:

Etruscology – Brief, but more readable than most

Lexicons.ru Etruscan Glossary – Probably one of the best collections of many terms in one place

Maravot.com Etruscan Language pages – Hard to navigate, but gosh there are a lot of vocab here I have not seen elsewhere

Old, Tripod-hosted Etruscan Glossary – I think these are mostly just the same terms from the Lexicons page, but in harder-to-use format

Etruscan word search – Decent, but not the most extensive vocab

Introduction to the Etruscan Language – Looks to be from Maravot.com, but in pdf format

Paleoglot.com’s Etruscan tag – Blog by an actual linguist who regularly discusses Etruscan material, and who even created their own translation applet! – which was, unfortunately, in flash, and is thus no longer usable. (There is a certain irony that even the tools available online to help you understand Etruscan are written in a language that is now no longer supported or understood by any modern browser.)

Not that translating what’s in the game is going to be easy, oh no. Take, for example, the oh-god-please-don't-kill-me ceremonial greeting Geralt has to offer to the Unseen Elder to survive that meeting – "Eclthi, lautni ama".

'Eclthi' is apparently a "demonstrative (locative)" (’here’, ‘there’, etc). "Lautni" is trickier – it means a freed slave, but may also imply a familial relationship or a client of sorts, while the root “lautn” apparently designates simply “possession.” House slaves in the ancient world were often considered part of the family, and freed slaves were an important class in many ancient cultures, who often maintained relationships with their former masters, so you can see the internal logic, but what sense was the Witcher using it in? It’s hard to know.

"Ama" is possibly worse – most translations seem to have taken it as "to be", but sometimes also “to love”, or even "now" or  "meanwhile." Then you hit the question of Etruscan grammar, and I have no idea where I’d even start. So, with a little creativity, you could probably translate that phrase as anything from "take this and consider me a friend" to "meanwhile, this is family" to "a demonstration of love from your slave." I mean, you've got the same general theme going there regardless, but there's a lot of ambiguity in the inflection.

For what it's worth, I feel garasham's translation efforts are easily the most convincing I've seen – they have the above line as “Here I am a slave / a friend / kindred” FWIW. (Mind you, given the wiki doesn't even try to do more than offer you one possible meaning for each word, there's not exactly much competition out there).

So, bringing this all back to that fic and how to say ‘fuck’ in Etruscan...

I've already gone to the web's Etruscan dictionaries once while I was writing Forget-Me-Not, seeking inspiration for a 'real' name for "the Queen of the Night" from the first Witcher game. Neither 'queen' or 'night' got me far, but the Etruscans did apparently have a goddess of the moon called 'Aritimi, Artume or Artames', which worked pretty well. If anything it's almost too close to the better-known Greek goddess Artimis, who was obviously a relative (ancient cultures bleed into each other even when they're not bleeding all over each other, nothing new there), but I'm not going to be picky.

However, being a) a giant nerd, who b) writes a lot of smut, and c) is no more mature deep down inside than the rest of us, I couldn't resist seeing if I could find some slightly more obscene vocabulary. Did the Etruscans have a word for, say, 'fuck'?

Alas, if they did (and I mean, they totally did, c'mon), the web wouldn't tell me about it. Nor could I find much else relating to sex or genitalia (male or female), or even a decent word for 'thrust'.

On the flipside, there were a couple of different terms meaning 'plough'. And anyone who's played – well, any of the games, but especially Witcher 2 – would probably realise exactly why that filled me with so much glee.

Speaking of which, here, have a picture which is in no way related:

The fact that the various Etruscan terms meaning ‘plough’ could also apparently be translated as things like “to worship“ or “to act through movement, including ritual acts,” or that an important mythological figure was “a prophetic child who sprang from a freshly plowed furrow” was in no way discouraging.

The word I ultimately picked was 'esari'. Admittedly, variations on the prefix ‘ar-’/‘ara-’/’aras’ were much more consistently attested to throughout the various online Etruscan dictionaries as ‘terms meaning plow’, but figuring out how to convert an Etruscan prefix into a satisfying word is officially where even my enthusiasm for all this nonsense gives out. Esari was, by comparison, already a much more solid-sounding term, so let’s go with that.

Why go to all this trouble anyway? Well, the honest answer is “entirely for my own amusement”, but the nominal excuse comes right back to “so I could give Regis and Geralt this little exchange during a sex scene.”

"Unless you have any particular objection," said Regis, moving to straddle Geralt's body, "I thought we might engage in some esari... hm, what was the equivalent term in your language again?" The vampire leaned in close to Geralt's ear as he made a show of remembering his answer, "Ah, yes—I thought I'd fuck you."

Never let anyone tell you you never learnt anything from porn!

[lordelmelloi2]

Over the years I’ve learned to try very hard to put aside my initial PTSD responses when I see people liking characters that I Don’t Like who I *know* have done horrific things either in legend, or history, or in lore etc... because not every fate fan can know absolutely everything. Even the most obvious villains somehow have people repping them and saying they’re actually good people for this-or-that reason. Fate series has a lot of characters and a lot of them are servants and a lot of those servants are historical figures or figures in legend and mythology that have committed crimes such as sold people as slaves, committed rape, abused their family/friends/partners, brutally murdered innocent people, colonized and commit genocide, and so on and so forth. 

You can’t really expect everybody to know absolutely every single crime someone’s committed, and there are so many servants in fate that are so far distanced from their original counterparts that it’s more accurate to say that you’ve summoned an idealized “image” of them rather than the real one. When I say this I think about characters whose less than savory pasts have basically been annulled such as Nero, Napoleon or Iskandar. They carry aspects of their original historic selves but are not a 1:1 copy of said self. And the in-universe explanation to this is that the Throne of Heroes can summon an image of a person that has been influenced by how they’ve been perceived and talked about, especially in later legends and mythos created around said character. Again, Iskandar is a good example because his existence as Dhul Qarnayn in the Quran is directly referenced in his materials despite him having no Islamic narrative of him and his insistence on using the Hellenic Pantheon when referencing his divinity.  

The same goes for mainstream fate series characters. Kiritsugu is a good example of this. Not everybody reads materials or finds out ages or anything like that, so the other aspects of his character could be ignored or so for any-which reason. But for those who do look in the lore we find out that he groomed Maiya since he rescued her as a young teen, specifically because we find out when he rescued Maiya that she was just a young teen. We find out that in his escapades of doing his “save the majority and kill the minority” bullshit that he has injured or killed innocent people and yet still continued on. It’s still possible to like him as a flawed character without romanticizing the sheer bullshit he does. A lot of fans of his foil, Kirei, are well aware of Kirei’s own history of abusing others intentionally and yet simultaneously consider his rearing as a child soldier that rewired his mental illness to such that he literally only has a reward response to hurting others. Whether you believe Kirei had a basement full of orphans in each canon or not, his treatment of Rin left her emotionally scarred and unable to process her own emotions without fear of backlash or someone taking advantage of her. But despite that, there are also people who believe that Kirei did nothing wrong, and that he was simply doing his best. That’s an important dialectic to understand, yes, but it’s important to note that when your best is hurting others or yourself, it’s really not enough and you have to do better. 

And then there’s Romani’s Law. Romani’s Law came as a response to the out-of-character writing in the Prisma Illya event where Romani Archaman, an otherwise decent person, said some things that were plainly disgusting. This kind of law has been utilized in the treatment of other characters when they were either written by other authors who have less of a grasp of said character or when there were throwaway lines that were disgusting. An out-of-FGO example of this is with Aoko Aozaki’s characterization in joke materials in Tsukihime as a sh*tacon. Anyone who has read what’s there of Mahoutsukai no Yoru can tell you that Aoko is a normal person who isn’t interested in children like that. And yet the authors still insert that joke with her -- why is that? 

The pervasiveness of the otaku industry’s problems with normalizing pedophilia material is apparent. But that’s not what this is overall about -- I would say that many people tend to pick-and-choose which characters they like based off of the overall gist of the character. Regardless of what the character has done, most people tend to ignore the unsavory things and apply a sort of Romani’s Law of pretending to not see it in order to continue. This is fair and valid, but I want to add that it’s not appropriate to do that when others point it out. 

When someone brings up that a character has issues relating to either industry normalization of pedophilia, or perhaps they’ve done things in history/legend/lore that are factually wrong things and repeated that behavior (i.e. no one-off stuff), or their overall characterization has aspects that are considered harmful to others, the best thing to do is to listen to the complaints. Examine why you’ve been able to ignore these traits. Is it an issue with inconsistent lore, inconsistent authors, or something bigger than that? Is the character a truly bad person, or were they written by an author that is using them as a temporary mouthpiece? Was it a one-off statement, or a pattern of behavior they tend to have? Has this information been redacted in later characterizations or writing? 

It is up to you to determine what your next step of action. No one is saying you have to stop liking a character or enjoying their writing, especially if it tackles subjects you do not see normally approached. But you should at the least keep it tucked in the back of your mind that there may be reasons why others dislike this character or have a stress reaction when they engage with the characters content. Understanding others’ concerns in good faith and thinking about it is a good idea and helps sharpen your senses and also helps you understand the author’s intentions and communicated ideas when they write these characters. This trains your brain to be able to better understand text and writing in turn, which can sharpen your own skills in those subjects and heighten your enjoyment of media, too. 

TL;DR -- you can like who you like, but be mindful of others who may have reasons for disliking them, either because it’s in history, legend, mythos, or in other bits of lore not commonly known. Approach others in good faith when they try to discuss this and don’t brush it off just because you like them, because that may hinder your ability to understand the intent behind an author’s writing. 

[kiruuuuu]

More BB/Goyo in which Goyo is slowly going mad. On several accounts. (Rating E, fluff/humour/resolved sexual tension + smut, ~5.2k words) - written for @kiruuuuu​ seeing as she continued obsessing about these two after this piece.

.

Blackbeard is slowly but surely driving him insane.

One big part is the physical aspect, Goyo isn’t denying it – and if it were only that, he’d be as far from complaining as he could be. If his biggest problem was Blackbeard's attractiveness, he’d live in an almost ideal world with most of his dreams coming true, but as it is, the deep-seated desire burning low and slow in his groin merely ensures Goyo doesn’t forcibly eject Blackbeard from his life again due to all the other reasons the American is personally raising Goyo’s blood pressure. He should’ve expected this outcome and largely did, yet imagining having to combat vague incompatibilities while cruising high on happiness hormones which are released in laughable quantities every time he receives a friendly text over the holidays was somehow decidedly easier to stomach than dealing with actual issues face-to-face.

Goyo knows himself, as does Amaru, which is why he doesn’t disagree with her suggestion of meeting in public the first few times. He’s always been weakest right at the beginning of a fancy, daydreaming of scenarios that leave him short of breath and having to adjust his trousers, hoping they don’t betray him if he happens to be in a public space. Despite knowing better, he’s dived head first into physical relationships and paid the price for it, and after having slept with a married man once (without his knowledge, though the blame of hastiness lay upon him regardless), he vowed to improve. Besides, he suspects Blackbeard hasn’t dated a lot of men, so he should take it slow anyway.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t prepared for the change in wardrobe following a throwaway comment about camouflage patterns because not only did Blackbeard take him seriously and dressed differently for their dates from then on (which is a turn on already), his shirts are also very tight. Not unacceptably so, but entirely too tight for someone with pecs this pronounced. In moments when it was hard to deal with Blackbeard's personality, Goyo reminded himself as to why he was still around by eyeing up Blackbeard's chest and Christ. He would love to grope him for hours. Maybe suckle on those puppies. God.

It doesn’t help that he’s changed his aftershave as well. Goyo felt genuinely bad complaining about so much right away, even if it was done through careful euphemisms and half-jokes he practised beforehand, and promised himself to compliment Blackbeard elaborately should he act on it – but never did he expect for Blackbeard to dip into the nearest shop with him to try and find a fragrance Goyo liked. He claimed he was tired of his old one but hadn’t found an excuse to switch so far, and offered his own opinions additionally to Goyo’s, meaning the entire thing felt organic and constructive instead of passive-aggressive or, worse, blindly compliant. As a result, Goyo stands that tiny bit closer whenever he can. Prolongs their hugs. Inhales consciously whenever they kiss. He loves a good-smelling man, and Blackbeard has turned from handsome to painfully sexy.

He makes sure Blackbeard knows, too. He might be picky and demanding, but he would like to think of himself as appreciative, so whenever he notices the American looking or smelling exceptionally good, he remarks on it. And the delighted expressions he reaps are worth feeding this inflated ego. He doesn’t think the other man has been complimented on his appearance much, certainly not by fellow guys.

.

The very first thing they fight about is punctuality. As inevitable as death. It turns into a recurring theme as they simply can’t agree on anything and Goyo’s laid-back attitude towards time sparks nothing but disbelief in Blackbeard – he does learn by setting their meeting half an hour before he actually arrives, but whenever he’s meant to pick Goyo up by car, he shows up on the dot and paces impatiently around the flat without taking his shoes off while Goyo finishes whichever task held him up. Blackbeard calls him rude, Goyo waves him off, and the whole drama repeats the next time. They even have a long talk about it, with Goyo stressing the importance of enjoying life at one’s own personal pace, and Blackbeard calling on politeness and prioritising others over tasks such as washing the dishes.

Related to this, Blackbeard always requires an exact plan while Goyo prefers adapting vague ideas to actual circumstances. There’s no spontaneity in most of Blackbeard's actions, he’s rigid and inflexible and it drives Goyo absolutely nuts. After having agreed on watching a film that night, they walk past a fantastic-looking restaurant Goyo instantly wants to try out, and Blackbeard flat out refuses. Just says no. Claims their original plan was superior simply because it was made earlier, and when Goyo points out that literally nothing is stopping them from having dinner together instead of sitting at the cinema for a few hours, Blackbeard is having none of it. He’s hungry, he agrees with Goyo’s assessment that the place looks inviting, and yet he won’t budge. How did he get to where he is now with this attitude?

Also, Blackbeard is loud. And by this, he’s not even referring to his deafening voice – he’s a pitchman manqué – but rather his behaviour as a whole. Nigh everyone can tell his country of origin due to him constantly approaching perfect strangers, which Goyo finds exceedingly rude. People just want to mind their own business, as does he, and he wouldn’t appreciate being accosted by some random dude on the street. Blackbeard has the gall to call him rude as a result and defends himself by pointing out he leaves the grumpy ones alone and has a lovely chat with the rest who seems to enjoy their talk. Blackbeard has no qualms cursing in public and calling out unacceptable behaviour, and Goyo preferred the ground to swallow him whenever his companion starts an argument with a line skipper or someone parking like an idiot.

What, am I supposed to just tut and walk away?, Blackbeard scoffs, his tone making clear what he thinks of the British nation as a whole.

There are countless other details: Blackbeard's apartment is messy. He can’t cook for the life of him, yet is an utter baking snob. He leaves the toilet seat up. He loves the worst kind of cheesy patriotic action films and accepts no criticism on this. The music in his car leaves Goyo’s ears ringing for the rest of the evening. He seems to think kissing is the only worthwhile public display of affection. He’s ignorant about most other cultures yet fancies himself open-minded because his best friend is Korean – this only means he compares anything and everything either to the States or Korea. Getting him to eat anything he hasn’t tried before is an uphill struggle. Except if it’s Korean.

Vigil seems to get a pass on nearly everything, and Goyo is beginning to think Blackbeard either had or still has a crush on the man. He’s empathetic and understanding as can be with Vigil, and almost seems to enjoy arguing with Goyo. It’s getting old fast.

.

And then there are those other moments. The ones so sharp and vivid they linger in Goyo’s mind long after the fact, bright and warm like a sip of good alcohol, and almost as intoxicating too. They end up eating in the restaurant after all, and Goyo is mentally preparing for the backlash if it turns out to be rubbish – not that he thinks it will be, but he’d rather outline his defence already. In the back of his mind, he’s wondering whether he’s the stubborn one in this case, with his insistence to get his way showcasing his own inflexibility. His mother taught him to be kind whenever he can afford it, yet past experiences and an underlying pessimism usually convince him he can’t. He knows she’d be disappointed with how often he chooses the less compassionate path.

“I’m not good at this”, Blackbeard announces out of the blue, throwing Goyo off once more. This happens regularly, him spiralling and conducting a whole other conversation in his mind, and Blackbeard interrupting his thoughts with something outlandish. Most of the time, Goyo is relieved about it. He tends to get lost and is glad whenever he’s brought back to the present.

Since there’s no indication as to what he means, Goyo needs him to clarify. “At what?”

“Just… this.” And Blackbeard gestures somewhere between them. “Compromising. Letting someone else into my life. Listening.”

I know someone else who’s terrible at all three of those, Goyo thinks and doesn’t say.

“But I like you. And I want to get better. So please be patient with me and talk to me. Okay?”

Blackbeard likes him.

Idiotically, hearing it out loud makes him giddy as if this was a new revelation, but then his brain latches on to the much more important implication of Blackbeard wanting to communicate, being willing to work on himself and on the both of them, admitting faults. It’s a beacon of hope and one he didn’t expect – Blackbeard has never struck him as particularly introspective, not with how he values arbitrary rules above creative thinking, yet it seems he underestimated him. He’ll have to correct his mental image and allow Blackbeard to improve.

“Yes. That sounds good”, he replies after mulling over Blackbeard's words for a bit, prompting a sigh of relief. And, to throw him a bone: “You’re doing good.”

A scoff. “Am I though?”

“You are. Why else would I say it?”

“I don’t know. You just…” Blackbeard lowers his gaze, searching for the right thing to say. “I’m nervous around you.”

Goyo laughs. Can’t help it, he bursts out with a brief laugh turning into a hearty chuckle because – Blackbeard gets nervous? He dreaded being in the same room as the American early on and never managed to settle down in his presence, and now he’s learning it was reciprocal? Had he known he could’ve scared him away, he might’ve confronted Blackbeard earlier, returned the sass, threw his weight around a little. Instead, they were watching each other like hawks for ultimately only marginally different reasons. Nothing about Blackbeard is adorable, but this is the closest thing to it: him being bashful, admitting his crush, relinquishing power and inviting himself to be mocked. Goyo is delighted.

“You don’t need to be”, he reassures and runs his fingertips over the back of Blackbeard's hand, a gentle gesture he seems to appreciate.

There are these moments which remind Goyo why he gave Blackbeard a chance in the first place, and they are what keep him going whenever Blackbeard starts arguing in favour of one of his ‘life principles’.

.

“I made a mistake”, Goyo states, not bothering to hide his fatalistic tone of voice.

Amaru is instantly entertained. Her optimistic and easygoing attitude is part of the reason why she got along so swimmingly with Goyo’s mother, and also why he’s endlessly grateful for her presence in his life: she helped him get past failures whenever his mum wasn’t available, and provided encouragement and support whenever he needed it. It’s also why he keeps bothering her with his problems. “Does it have anything to do with your new relationship?”

She watched from a distance as he made his first few questionable choices in his dating career, ready to pick him up and dust him off whenever he’d fallen down. He learned to accept and value her advice once he realised she was never wrong, so he’s hoping she can assist him with his current predicament. “How did you guess?”, he sighs, not requiring an answer. “They’re showing a documentary I’m interested in on TV this evening, and I mentioned it to Craig.”

“So now he wants to watch it with you?”, his aunt surmises, making him nod. “Which means you’d have to spend the evening with him without falling victim to his manly wiles.” He nods again, looking pained. “And you want me to give you the go-ahead for making up an excuse so you don’t have a bad conscience when you cancel on him.”

Well. Maybe she was the wrong person to approach about this. “When you put it like that, it sounds… bad.”

She raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Don Goyo, you’re old enough to not need my approval. Which you’re not going to get anyway, before you ask.”

“I have a feeling I know what you’re about to say to me.”

“Just tell him. If you’re not ready, he needs to know. He deserves to know, César.”

It’s not that he isn’t ready. If it was for him, they’d have fucked in the nearest public stall on their second date, he’s been dreaming about strong arms and an insistent tongue for almost the entire month that they’ve been dating. He’s overripe, and still – it doesn’t feel right somehow. Like he should wait a little longer. They’ve gotten to know each other much better, anticipating each other’s moods, making small gifts here and there and texting daily. Even so, there’s just something.

“Don’t brood. Go and talk to him. Either he respects your boundaries and everything’s good, or he refuses and you can launch him into outer space. No matter the outcome, you’ll be off better than before.”

She must sense his hesitation as she tries to instil her wisdom a few more times before giving up and wishing him a pleasant night. He leaves, conflicted – he doesn’t want to hurt Blackbeard's feelings by rejecting him before even anything happens, and at the same time he’s not comfortable actually reaching below the belt yet.

He’s hoping Blackbeard simply doesn’t try anything. It’s the best case scenario.

.

About eight hours later, all Goyo can think between different versions of God this feels so fucking good is: this didn’t go to plan at all. Blackbeard is buried up to the hilt and Goyo is grateful for being momentarily distracted so he has an excuse not to think critically about what’s happening right then.

And it started out so well.

Goyo arrives only fifteen minutes late, which he thinks is more than reasonable even if Blackbeard doesn’t comment on it, and takes note of the slightly less messy flat – it’s not even that bad normally, some dirty dishes scattered around and pieces of clothing, but at least they give the otherwise relatively barren apartment some character. They kiss as a greeting, briefly, as Blackbeard is busy heating up something to eat, and then sit on the couch with plates on their laps, chatting about their day while waiting for the program to start.

It’s domestic. It should be relaxing and pleasant, not nerve-wracking, but after sitting next to Blackbeard for ten minutes of serious introduction and noticing how his sweatpants don’t really do a good job at hiding anything, Goyo knows he won’t do anything to stop him should he make a move. In a way, it’d be a relief: get it over and done with, don’t dwell on it, move on. The anticipation is putting him on edge, keeps his hairs standing up and his breaths measured. He’s hyper-aware of his knee brushing against Blackbeard's, the broad chest next to him rising and falling, the thumping of his own heart.

He can’t concentrate. Images flash on the screen, a soothing narrator recounts past horrors in a deep voice and historical photographs take turns. He’d actually been looking forward to watching this programme, and should’ve known doing it together with Blackbeard would end in disaster, yet wasn’t prepared for himself being the culprit. Blackbeard has beautiful arms, oozing latent strength and tanned nicely, the dark hairs making them even more appealing. Maybe he doesn’t shave his chest. He probably doesn’t, would consider it unmanly, and with how lush and full his beard is -

“Can I get you a beer?”

Goyo blinks. It’s a commercial break, he hadn’t even noticed. “No”, he says, and thinks: and I’d rather you didn’t have one either. The taste of it is revolting to him.

“I’ll just get one for myself then”, Blackbeard replies, already risen from the sofa, and makes the mistake of leaning down for a quick, once again domestic kiss. It’s reciprocated just a tad too enthusiastically, so Blackbeard pushes back and after a few more seconds they’re tongue wrestling with an uncomfortable height difference between them. The angle is awkward but the feel of it amazing – and this is something Goyo has openly admitted numerous times: he loves the way Blackbeard kisses. Adores it. Can’t get enough of it. It’s intense and deep and wet and leaves him panting every time, with this being no exception.

He drags the other man in, forcing him to steady himself with one knee on the couch, one knee right between Goyo’s legs and both hands cupping his face. This, too, is shockingly sexy, the way Blackbeard keeps him in place to take him apart. Goyo reaches out and runs his fingers over Blackbeard's body and dear God his thighs are like stone, and his back muscles pronounced, and his abs too. He’s tilted far back now, the bear hovering over him, solid and threatening and like a rock set in motion. Soul-crushing. Inevitable.

They kiss until the break is over, until at least one of them is making these embarrassing little noises, until Goyo’s lips feel swollen and his cock is harder than it’s ever been in his life, until Blackbeard breaks off, flushed, sweating and dishevelled, and Goyo wants to suck his dick or he’ll die. Making out has always been Goyo’s weakspot, and making out like this is guaranteed to leave him weeping and ruining his underwear, and he knew Blackbeard was gonna try something. He just knew. They wouldn’t have snogged like this without purpose, without an ulterior motive, without the intention of moving on to more sinful things now.

“We should”, Blackbeard starts and has trouble focusing his gaze, “let’s – I mean -” His sweatpants really don’t let him get away with anything. Unbelievably, he disengages and plops down next to Goyo. Apparently he wants to keep watching, which is the sensible thing to do.

Yes. A good idea. Getting caught up in the moment isn’t what Goyo wants anyway.

Blackbeard is radiating heat. His confident persona has crumbled, revealing a passionate yet considerate lover, a man torn between doing the right thing and doing what feels right. Right now, his upper brain seems to be winning, or maybe he figures if he behaves, Goyo will reward him regardless, or he’s hoping Goyo will stay the night and they can fuck later, or he’s playing hard-to-get. The last option would be hilarious, since Goyo isn’t interested in buying what Blackbeard is selling for now. They should really go back to watching TV, and when it’s over, they can talk a little, and then Goyo’s going home.

Two minutes later, he’s straddling Blackbeard's lap while shoving his tongue so far down the other man’s throat it’s a miracle he’s not choking, and nearly coming in his own pants from the bit of friction he manages to get between his dick and Blackbeard's taut stomach. He’s a fucking magnet and an oven with how hot he is, mewling into the kiss like someone who’s desperate for any kind of attention, like a starving or drowning or poisoned man, like – like Goyo. His beard is soft and smells good, and when Goyo’s hands stray below fabric, he finds more hair on a broad chest and buries his fingers in it. The rugged edge Blackbeard visibly sports continues where the normal gaze doesn’t penetrate, Goyo is relieved to discover, and he can finally feel up these gorgeous tits. Get his hands on them and massage them however he likes.

His nipples are delightfully sensitive and Goyo spends too much time teasing them while sucking deep purple bruises just below Blackbeard's collar until he’s worried about Blackbeard exploding under his merciless ministrations. Frotting has been knocked down in priority now that he can twist strangled moans out of the hard body beneath him, but when his cock throbs almost painfully at a gasp, he knows they can’t go on like this.

“Please give me a moment”, Blackbeard gasps out, cheeks rosy and eyes unfocused.

Again, a reasonable request. He should listen.

“Bedroom”, he snaps and it’s not even a suggestion. He can feel his hole pulsing with the irresistible desire of getting plowed and when Blackbeard, after a second of disbelief, picks him up to carry him through the flat, Goyo is thankful for his foresight to bring condoms and lube regardless of his intentions. He had a hunch Blackbeard would try something.

They only shed what’s necessary (and the shapely legs are somehow only improved with socks on, but Goyo has been told before that it’s a sock fetish at this point) and preparation is an unceremonious affair except for the fact that Goyo sucks on Blackbeard's nipples until they’re raw and too sensitive while fingering himself open. The American has a great body, he has to admit, well-developed muscles, some scars here and there, coarse black hair adorning tanned skin and an upward curved cock beautiful enough to have Goyo’s mouth water, so sitting down on it feels predictably mind-blowing.

He does most of the work, which is fortunate as he can experiment with angles until he’s found one that actually makes him go cross-eyed, and once Blackbeard draws the connection between his blissful groans and whatever’s happening between their legs, he starts thrusting up and dear Lord.

This isn’t what Goyo had in mind when coming over, and yet he can’t find the brain capacity to regret or even care right now, not with how urgent his lust is tugging on his nerve endings, forcing him to ride towards exhaustion and cramps and an impressive muscle hangover the next day. Being able to steady himself on Blackbeard's torso is surprisingly sexy and the sheer barrage of pleasure bursting through him every time he slams down his hips keeps him from touching himself, effectively prolonging his sweet suffering.

Moving in unison has never felt this good and for once, they’re on the same wavelength, exchanging devoted gazes and trading the odd kiss. It’s akin to a reunion instead of a first time, like they’ve rehearsed this song and dance to perfection in the past and, despite a certain rustiness, are quickly finding back into their old routine.

When Goyo comes, his vision goes colourful with how tight he’s squeezing his eyelids shut. He shakes violently while balanced on Blackbeard's hips and gasps for air, overwhelmed by the elation accompanying his release and shooting his sperm all over Blackbeard's mangled chest, over the lovebites and the red marks his hands left behind from carrying his weight. His relief is crushing, and so he slumps down bonelessly, allowing the other man to pump into him a few more times before announcing his own climax with a low moan. Instinctively, it seems, Blackbeard’s palms travel over the back of his sweaty t-shirt, petting him reassuringly.

Goyo doesn’t like it. It feels like too much, like overstimulation after a long, satisfying session even though his was hardly long but certainly satisfying. He shakes the hands off and climbs down, trying to catch his breath. Next to him, blue eyes snap to his face, too attentive. Blackbeard looks like he’s not sure what to say. Goyo could lighten the situation, compliment him, make a joke, or be sincere about how much he enjoyed himself. Because he did.

Even with the afterglow fading fast.

“I’ll go shower first”, he announces and leaves with a quick kiss that seems unsubstantial. He’s gone before Blackbeard has even taken the condom off, and the sensation of dirtiness clinging to his skin seems to go beyond bodily fluids. Scrubbing himself with the only loofah (and isn’t that a surprise) wouldn’t be right, so he uses his own fingers to wipe off the odd feeling.

Blackbeard is sitting on the edge of the bed when he returns, and now he can finally place the source of the awkwardness between them: he’s not babbling. Normally, he’d have commented on Goyo’s stamina, maybe how great his arse looked, recounted an anecdote of some sorts, or even attempted a lame joke, yet all he’s doing is watching. He looks a little lost. Silvery droplets are caught in his chest hair and when they kiss again, Goyo deflects a hug with the excuse of wanting to remain clean, demands that Blackbeard go shower as well.

The bed is large and tidier than the rest of the room, as if Blackbeard had anticipated them ending up here. Despite the general lack of colour in the apartment, the duvet is beautiful with a dark turquoise pattern. The cushions look fluffy, but not too soft. It looks inviting. Goyo did bring a spare pair of underwear, knowing their shoe and therefore sock size is the same, and he briefly pictures waking Blackbeard up by sucking him off. It’s unlikely to happen, with how different their morning routines are – what little he knows anyway – and still, the image is most tempting.

He gets caught in the hallway with one shoe on his foot already, the other in his hands.

His stomach drops and speech evades him out of shame as Blackbeard leans against the door frame, tight briefs highlighting all his best assets. Oddly enough, he doesn’t seem disappointed or hurt, which does nothing to quell the burning feeling of being a disgrace eating away at Goyo’s insides.

“What are you doing?”, he asks, no reproach in his voice. Patience is one of his virtues and one he displays right now – if there was ever a moment when Goyo expected an outburst, an indignant rant, it’d be now. Instead, he picks up on a hesitant disquiet, an uneasy curiosity. Blackbeard doesn’t know what’s going on, but he knows it’s important, therefore he treats it with the same mindfulness he does any serious issue.

Goyo owes him this. If there’s anything he owes this man, it’s an attempt at an explanation. Since he’s formulated it before, talked it through with past partners, he’s not unprepared yet dreads bringing it up nonetheless. “I have… commitment issues”, he replies softly.

The answering silence is one of racing thoughts, he can read it on Blackbeard's open expression. “Do you want to talk about it?”, he eventually wants to know. For a guy with no idea of how to deal with this, he’s faring remarkably well.

“I am talking about it.” Defensive. He inhales deeply before continuing. “I have trouble opening up to others. I prefer keeping most of me to myself. I can’t trust easily.”

A nod. It hurts; it means Blackbeard has noticed but didn’t dare bring it up. Always the same thing. Goyo fights down a pang of annoyance – part of his mind tries to convince him they don’t deserve him: either they mention it, which makes them whiny complainers not ready to give him time, or they don’t, which means they don’t care enough. It’s bullshit and pops up in the back of his head every time. “Am I suffocating you?”

He almost laughs at the ridiculousness of the notion. Blackbeard, who maybe suggests a quarter of their dates, who never complains about Goyo taking some time to reply to messages, who always accepts when Goyo wants to go home, seriously thinks he’s clingy. If anything, Goyo would like for him to be more overbearing, insert himself into Goyo’s life more aggressively. “No. You’re giving me all the space I need.” Too much, at times.

“Am I doing anything wrong?”

Well. What isn’t he doing wrong. Goyo’s heart melts a little over this brute trying to figure out why his lover is sneaking out on him, when it’s nothing but Goyo’s ugly side finally showing. He’s being unfair. “I didn’t want to sleep with you”, he says and knows instantly it was the worst possible thing he could’ve said, with how Blackbeard gains a look of horror, paling immediately, arms dropping by his side, slack, mouth working out an apology before the meaning has even reached his brain. Bad with words. This one he can’t really chalk up to bad timing. “No, that’s not what I meant. I wanted it and I liked it. I really did.” He’s flustered, flailing now, in unfamiliar territory, allowing the first thought to drop out of his mouth without scrutinising it first, and feels like it only gets worse. “But I – I had myself convinced I didn’t want it. Because, I don’t know. I’m -” Scared, he can’t bring himself to say. He knows it’d tear a wound which might not heal so easily. “Look. I’ll go. You don’t have to deal with this.”

No one should have to deal with him like this, sputtering and ashamed to the core, cheeks hot and composure non-existent. He wants to go home and hide for the next century and if Blackbeard told him now he’s not worth the trouble he’s causing, he wouldn’t even object.

“Don’t.” A plea. Heartfelt, for what it’s worth, but any other way and Goyo would already be putting on his second shoe. “I don’t know what to do, or what to say. I don’t know what you’d like me to do or say.”

Neither does Goyo. That’s the whole problem.

Blackbeard must be cold, nearly naked and standing in the faint draft coming in from under the door. He shifts his weight uncomfortably as they stare at each other. Please, Goyo thinks, unsure of what he even means by that. But when the next words hit his ears, he knows it’s what he’s been hoping for: “Just… come back to bed. Okay?”

The shoe hits the ground with a sharp sound cutting through the tense atmosphere between them.

.

Unsurprisingly, Blackbeard prefers being the big spoon. They fight over the blanket since Goyo needs it to sleep whereas Blackbeard insists it’s entirely too warm, and the familiar back-and-forth calms his racing heart. As does the gentle hand rubbing vague circles into his chest while they cuddle. After a few soothing moments, he asks the dreaded question of when Blackbeard's first alarm will go off, resulting in even more bickering.

“I really wanted to watch that documentary”, Goyo mumbles regretfully against the arm he’s cradling like a stuffed toy, partly because it’s wonderfully warm and partly because the skin-on-skin contact does funny things to his stomach. Being pressed against the length of Blackbeard's body is magical. He hasn’t felt this safe in a long while.

“Don’t worry, I recorded it.”

The reply, half lost in his hair, gives Goyo pause. If they could actually see anything in the impenetrable darkness Blackbeard requires to sleep peacefully, he’d turn around in indignation. “So you expected something like this to happen?”

He can feel the smile against his scalp. “Call it wishful thinking. Doing nothing but kissing did take its toll.”

Huh. Seems like he was right.

Blackbeard really did plan on trying something.

[tossertozier]

you mentioned possibly doing a ben or mike writing guide.. would you.. be willing to post a mike one. i'm plotting a fic and im struggling to get my mans down?? also i think abt ur fics weekly bare minimum.

hi there!!! i did my best. i tried to not sound preachy or like a know it all bc y’all know i can barely write. i hope this is helpful in some way!! disclaimer of of course this is all just my opinion & there’s no wrong way to write, you’re the only person who can tell your story!!

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i think the first really important decision you have to make as Person Writing Mike is his

family & background

-are both of his parents alive?

-if yes, what’s their relationship like?

-if no, who’s his primary caretaker? what’s their relationship like?

-if no, when did they die? did he cope well with it? what’s his relationship with their memory like?

these are really really where you gotta start to write mike imo. or any character! i think one thing stephen king is to be admired for is he doesn’t neglect the parent-child relationship as so many people who write youth do. your parents are the most important people in your life for a long time. i don’t think there’s a wrong or ooc way to answer the above questions tbh. canon has really left a wide open field for you to run amuck in.

(example: i’ve mentioned in the past that my & tfat mike being a small adult is no mistake and intentional. it’s a bit of a throwaway scene, but i mention in on pointe that mike’s parents are coming. it’s intentionally done there too. mike is goofier, more outgoing, more immature in general in that fic in the small bits he’s in & that’s all a response to his familial life. )

culture + friendships

after you answer those questions, important follow up questions are:

-are the losers his first set of friends?

-how much social exposure has he had?

-has he dated? who is he attracted to?

-who influences him? (celebrities, family, culturally)

-what are his cultural interests? what does he do in his free time? how would that impact how he interacts with the rest of the world?

again, no wrong way to answer these. i’ve seen a super broad spectrum of indirect answers to these questions. even thinking about where he might pick up patterns of speech can make him feel much more like a realized character. i’ve noticed some people dip fully into aave to an extent that doesn’t even seem logical in their character’s current situation & it can really seem like a caricature, but i think to write mike without any sense of aave at all is a little ?? too. just be cognizant of it is my only real advice here. it doesn’t so much matter as long as you don’t forget who mike is which next point

humor & personality

-what do you think he would find (shows, comedians, youtube videos) really funny?

-does he have something he quotes often? something he started saying ironically but never stopped?

man i know i’m all there’s no wrong way to write mike !! in this post but i will say real quick that i think mike is funny and i don’t really respect depictions of him where he’s not. i think this is where the movies really just fucked up. book mike drops some of the funniest lines of the book. and honest to god tip is to write out a scene as you feel the urge too, look away for five minutes, look back and give half of richie’s lines away. (or... dialogue.) this sounds like a joke but it was what i did when i first started writing & tfat

i’d always be like “n the funny part goes... to richie.” and thats a fandom inclination too. nooooo. avoid this trap. it doesn’t even make sense. have u ever been in a friend group where only one person... makes jokes? that’d be genuinely so weird. especially bc if you give the joke away to someone else, you can also build on it. amazing things start happening when u start thinking of the characters in flexible patterns. like for example, i almost always give absurdist humor to stan now. wholesome to ben.

mike’s humor is largely situational to me. solid comedic timing & he’s an observant person. sometimes i read back my own writing & have to change the pov bc richies making jokes about things he would never ever notice to make fun of. mike would. mike genuinely sees all. i think he’s just got one of the most analytical brain of the losers. & i think intelligence is subjective and people are smart in different ways but i think it’s foolish to write him as anything other than incredibly intelligent both academically and emotionally. he’s just a natural observer and pattern notice-er. which brings me to my next mike thing:

love & selflessness

i think the biggest part of mike being harder to flesh into a fully realized person is the fandom tendency to make him kind and nothing else. here’s mike. he’s nice. next. bc the book kind of points out his selflessness in his decisions and it makes itself one of his strongest character traits.

especially bc nice seems to trump him having any other emotions. ...no?

i believe in general, but ESPECIALLY in the case of mike, that kindness is a choice. it’s one i genuinely believe he’d make, over & over again. but a choice he makes. he gets annoyed with his friends being annoying like anyone else would. he gets hurt when he feels left out. he feels tired & anxious & hungry and all those other human things. sometimes he might not let it show outwardly, but there’s a difference between that and not giving him feelings at all.

people are selfish. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s to protect us. it’s not a bad thing. we think of how the world impacts ourselves first. we don’t always act upon those thoughts or voice them, but don’t forget to let mike have them. he doesn’t need to be happy for his friends all the time, or rooting for them or supportive. he should have his own things going on.

also. mike’s not a doormat. yes, he stays in derry. but those were life-death consequences for generations of children. it’s really not comparable to almost any decision mike would make in a pennywise free universe. yes, he made a sacrifice in the book but i don’t think he’d just lay himself down in any given universe to whatever fate wants to hand him. but this is where i end this topic bc i’m actually only barely beginning to get to this topic in my own fic!

it’s hard writing the losers young sometimes bc i do feel relationships are naturally a little unbalanced based on basic maturity levels as young people. sometimes friendships just are unbalanced bc of who people are at that time. everyone involved can still be good people in these relationships. it’s about growing together and learning how to be good friends to each other.

for example, in &tfat: certain losers are always checking in with others. others are really wrapped up in their own shit and don’t really notice what bothers the others. it would probably take a chart the size of a textbook to explain how i think this dynamic wholly pans out in full. and yeah, i think it grates on mike a little bit that he is always the checker and never the checkee.

but even when mike snaps, even when he gets upset, i always write it coming out of him with a lot of love. i genuinely think mike, regardless of experience in that fic, has the deepest understanding of love as its own concept and an understand of how exactly it rules his life and and his relationships. mike knows to feel strongly about something he has to care about it. there are lots of things he just doesn’t care about. in the book it’s stated he’s difficult to connect with as an adult. he’s distant. he’s focused on what he wants to focus on. i think mike is actually the most interesting when he becomes a little bit of a disaster man with very little time for what doesn’t interest him.

which last thing, dislikes & disinterests

-what annoys him?

-what makes him genuinely angry?

-what bores him to tears?

i always make jokes that i bring up the nastier parts of the losers bc i love nasty boys but thinking of things people don’t like is as much a part of them as the things they do.

for example, in &tfat, i write richie as making fun of “nerdy” things like anything you could find at comic con. i write bev as not giving a fuck about sports. bill doesn’t care about richie’s music tastes. eddie hates getting condescended to.

bc of the ... kind thing, mike’s one of the harder losers to do this with. i genuinely think mike would listen to any of his friends tell him about anything. & he knows, in return, they can’t say shit when he wants to ramble about history. but dislikes can also be super situational.

again, for example in & tfat: mike doesn’t like when his friends talk about college right now. no one is really being sensitive to him at all. he hates getting blamed for stuff that isn’t his fault, mostly bc it keeps happening.

anyway. i based a lot of my mike (mostly sense of humor and personality) off of a mix of real life friends of mine. it’s a luxury. i know. i’ve been blessed to have friends from literally all walks of life & for me borrowing little habits & quirks & sayings & jokes to slip into my fics and characters is my way of writing one massive love letter to those ive known. i hope i’ve helped you in some way anon. n if not.... don’t be sad i’m hardly one to take writing advice from anyway jandjxjx

overall, as i used to do often, i’d genuinely stop myself and say: is this a person, or a convenience for the plot? and if it was the latter, sigh, and get my backspace key ready.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 115: Adventures in Light Distortion

”There's no time.”

Steven recently had a really long day. It began with checking out an art exhibit at the barn, and ended in a spaceship grappling with his mother’s dark and secret past. It had its moments, like fusing into Smoky Quartz, but all in all it was life-changingly bad. It’s not fair that another such day has come for him so soon, but here he is.

We don’t have a moment to waste as this follow-up to Steven’s Dream opens, because every second spent on Earth is a second where Greg is speeding further from it. Steven is already blaming himself for the abduction, adding a more personal sense of rush to the affair. The irony is that while Blue Diamond’s actions aren’t his fault, the guilt he harbors causes serious mistakes that are his fault. But considering the dire circumstances, who could blame him? 

Even the exposition here is swift and economical, as Garnet gives Amethyst and Pearl the lowdown on our last episode and Pearl dusts off her old Pearlsplaining cap from Season 1 to tell us about the Zoo. As is standard to this show, we learn important plot details while developing the character relaying them: in this case, on top of being a great showcase of Pearl’s nerves (“Amethyst, turn into a chair, I need to sit down!”), we add new wrinkles to her past. Her terror is informed by how anxious she was at seeing the palanquin in Steven’s Dream, and that brief moment of her eyes darting away from “When I still served...Homeworld” speaks volumes. We’ll go into more detail later about the implications of the Zoo and Pink Diamond’s efforts to help Earth through half-measures before going full Rose, but for now, it’s a terrific beat in retrospect that Pearl only knows where Greg was taken because she served the creator of his new prison.

With the Gems all caught up, we get straight to business prepping for takeoff, and it’s here that Steven makes his first two mistakes. First, he brushes off Peridot, the planet’s most qualified expert in modern Gem space travel. He doesn’t even invite her along, despite how obviously helpful she would be. Impatience trumps any sense of caution, and while it doesn’t make much sense for him to leave a helpful ally behind even in his frazzled state, her inability to grasp the importance of the situation (mixing serious travel concerns with pointless aesthetic quibbles) perhaps makes her a liability in his mind. Regardless, his second mistake is even bigger when it comes to his personal life, and it also involves leaving someone behind.

Yes, there’s no time to waste. So no, he probably shouldn’t have waited for Connie. He even tasks her with defending Beach City, showing that he does value her as a fighter as well as a friend. By itself, this probably wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But alongside his second foray into space down the line, it’s understandable that Connie starts to think that Steven doesn’t take her as seriously as he should. While there’s truth to that, the bigger issue is that Steven thinks that he alone should bear the burden of his perceived mistakes, and while it’s only hinted at now, that sense of martyrdom only gets worse as his guilt grows. This is a throwaway moment in the episode, but has major ramifications down the line.

And then we’re off! I’m honestly not into the gag of Pearl still not getting that 70 years is a long time for humans—it works early on, such as in Space Race, but she definitely would know better by now—and it’s joined by her not knowing the word for “birthday” despite several episodes introducing her to the concept. She’s grown a lot, and at times the show doesn’t seem to want to reflect this when an easy joke can be made. But at least she’s good at winding her way through a variety of space rocks, including tiny sentient ones.

Upon remembering the whole reality warping element of modern Gem space travel, Steven makes another hasty decision in boosting the speed, despite acknowledging that it might kill him. I mean, he makes a joke about how syrup can go with his new pancaked form, but it’s still an acknowledgment that self-sacrifice is a badge he’s proud to wear. And while it’s obviously a good thing that he survives, it can’t be healthy for his self-image to be proven right when he takes actions that might hurt or kill himself to help others.

Perhaps not wanting to delve too deeply into that topic quite yet, we get an extended comedy bit about the weird distortions the Gems face as physics gets wonky, as well as a small lesson about how light constructs work (complete with unusually cartoony diagrams, such as the one above comparing heights). I’m surprised by how effective the humor is; it’s not riotously funny to me or anything, but considering the stakes it really ought to feel annoying and in the way, and it works just fine. Part of the reason is that there’s nothing else to do while we’re waiting for the ship to arrive, so nothing feels interrupted. But I also appreciate it because it finally starts to show how destructive Steven’s rashness can be.

Activating the gravity engine was a choice that was reckless, but made sense: Steven needed to get to his dad in fewer than 70 years. But frantically pressing buttons he doesn’t understand to fix the Gems, instead of letting a more experienced hand figure it out, is almost frustratingly dumb. I say “almost” because it’s crystal clear by now that Steven is losing it, and the sight gags of our growing and shrinking Gems can’t hide that something is going to go wrong. When it inevitably does, and Steven is alone for the first time since Greg’s abduction, all that manic energy collapses into the grief he’s been trying to put at bay.

After the little visualized diagrams and the distorting forms of the Gems, we get an even more impressive animation-exclusive sequence: the striking use of onion skinning to convey the mindbending speed of the ship. Together with the ruby red lighting and the immediate disappearance of the Gems’ bodies, the tone lurches from one form of alarm to another. What was once a frenzied dash to fix things becomes a life-threatening race against the clock, and allows for one of the best performances of Zach Callison’s tenure on the show.

Steven has panicked before, but the greatest asset of this episode is Callison’s ability to crank it up a notch and sell the sheer stupefying terror of not knowing what to do in a crisis. He’s amazing throughout the episode as he practically hyperventilates his lines without delving into overdramatic emoting, but his despair as he’s left all alone on a doomed ship is heartwrenching.

It takes a strong performer and good, earnest writing to make a scene like this work, because verbally laying out all of your problems could come across as just telling instead of showing, and openly weeping can falter in any number of ways. It could’ve been melodramatic, it could’ve been overly childish, it could’ve been incoherent, and instead it’s a raw and moving outburst of sorrow after an episode where huge tears were a reaction to danger instead of emotion.

It’s also a great choice to follow up this moment of anguish with quieter determination. Instead of narrating his newfound resolve as he tries again to turn off the warp speed, this time eventually succeeding, the sequence is wordless and tense. Steven doesn’t need to tell us why he’s trying so hard, and after such a strong speech there’s no need to gild the lily when visuals work on their own.

The return of the Gems coincides with the return of regular light and animation, creating a palpable sense of relief despite it being sort of a given that they weren’t really going to kill off three main characters in this episode. Garnet provides Steven some much-needed reassurance, and while it doesn’t solve his martyr complex forever, it’s a welcome capper to the episode.

The logistics of an episode that’s literally just getting our characters from one place to another can’t be easy to navigate. If the crew wanted, we could’ve used that warp speed to jump straight to the action. Still, despite moving faster than light, it’s nice to slow down from the huge cliffhanger of Steven’s Dream to let our hero have a moment to collect his thoughts. Now that the initial shock has had a chance to pass, we can proceed with the rescue operation with a competent Steven that isn’t unrealistically okay with how things are going, and as a bonus we get our second episode since Bubbled that explores Steven’s increasingly sacrificial mindset. Everything working out for the best may seem like a neat way to finish Adventures in Light Distortion, but we’ll see the downsides in time.

Future Vision!

Yes, Steven leaving Connie behind is a catalyst for the Breakup Arc. But perhaps more importantly, they combine with Garnet similarly tasking Peridot and Lapis to protect Beach City to form the Crystal Temps!

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

A perfectly good entry in the Steven Universe catalog, bolstered by an amazing performance from Zach Callison, but ultimately an episode that isn’t too special on its own. It needs Steven’s Dream to pack its full punch, and the victory at the end is just reaching our next episode safely. Still, I like it!

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[fairymint-archive]

🌌

🌌 I’m actually in the mood to write an AU of my muse in your fandom/verse instead of canon/my main! Any tips or ideas?

Animal crossing! of course i can give ya advice on that!!!💙 some of you are good at this already, and some go without anyways, but throw out that fourth wall! Canonically, the game really goes for it, way past button tutorials. AC itself is even self-referential in a few lines, shown as a game in amiibo festival, and HHD confirms time travel is real. Have fun with it in that regard!💙 In my verse specifically, I've chosen the kind of animals are closer to race than species. Nothing wrong with the latter, but either way depictions of judgment on romantic/friendship choices are in the minority, with your mom being a bit rude in the first game towards all animals, and a throwaway line from waking up smug villagers on jokingly prefering a female of their animal over you, but yeah. ( it's also my explanation of their noses tbh, rhinarium and all that). Perfectly normal, anything less just kinda crosses into offensive territory for them imo. I could probably write a post itself on this meta alone tbh, just know that too much animal joke=racism in Felix's POV💙 AC leans a lot on sassy commentary. The vast majority of the population still crack jokes while working retail and even as a medical professional, so it's much less stuffy than a lot of IRL situations.💙 a few things some people might find superficial are Real here too. Luck is a big one, influenced by feng shui and furniture in general, as well as astrology determining your luck for the day. The difference is way too massive to ignore lmao. As a fun fact, there's a villager for most combos of personality+star sign.💙 depiction can vary and we have smash, but for the most part I consider Mario and Punch Out!! In the same universe regardless, due to Mushrooms growing (yes! They do make you Big when eaten!!) and a Little Mac poster. due to customization any verse could potentially be, but combine with the mk8 DLC, Mario's a big one. I also include Balloon Fight not just cause of the move, but it also depicts animal characters especially in Balloon Kid, they're kinda hostile, aren't they? Zelda shows its characters in their own animal forms...although Wolf Link is still stated to transform even though we don't personally see it onscreen.💙 Remember there are feral animals, too as well as anthropomorphic villagers. Hamsters, dogs, and birds are obtainable pets as well as cat trees via DLC. Burgers and such also exist though i do play around with what those are made of depending on location.💙 speaking of location, worldbuilding wise there's definitely more than just Zendo where Felix lives, I've got different cultural or other norms for places like cities and etc. He's basically a florida man lmao-

[aguidetodeduction]

Autism in Fiction (How Sherlock could do better)

So I wrote a review of the last episode of Sherlock and it was a negative one. I made my case about why I stopped watching it, in the hope of explaining why I don’t want to associate it with my own Sherlock Holmes work. 

In this review I said, “I do not appreciate the use of autistic/bipolar characteristics as indicators of villainy. The “lack of empathy”, “trouble reading feelings”, “repressed emotion”, twitching movement reminiscent of stims… I could go on. The way disability was presented in the episode was nothing less than offensive.“

I’ve been asked to elaborate by  @hoegarthhh​ and @amazing0209, who asked: 

I just want to understand your reasoning of concluding that euros was autistic rather than a psychopath. Because every aspect of her personality clearly points to psychopath. Because it was stated she cannot feel pain. Something autistic people can. 

It was hard to come up with a neutral response, especially considering this reply below which was far less diplomatic/ far more aggressive. 

In no way is she autistic. I cannot believe you actually misdiagnosed her so severely. She is obviously a psychopath. It was stated multiple times how she cannot feel pain nor emotion. In what way is that connected to autism. Also Psychopaths are related to having anti social disorder which makes them a threat to society. 

It upset me that you completely refused to acknowledge my point, but more so that you assumed I do not know my own feelings about my own condition. I am autistic, along with my dad and brother, which I mentioned at the very beginning of my review. If I recognise “autistic characteristics” in a character (note I did not say she is autistic, but that her character is coloured by behaviours associated with autism), that comes from a place of experience.

But this made me think about how my feelings on the matter are not enough, so I compiled some research I’ve put together that debunk the ideas that there is no overlap between psychopathy and autism, the harm that the “evil psychopath” idea does, and just general considerations writers should think about when writing autistic character.

Oh boy, this about to get long so buckle in. (Also I would like to disclaim that while I am heavily involved in research of these things, I am by no means an expert.)

THE SPECTRUM: NO TWO AUTISTIC PEOPLE THE SAME

So when we talk about autism, we say that people fall somewhere on the “autistic spectrum”. It means that while there are some area’s where autistic people overlap, primarily in their ability to perceive the world and their ability to interact. However, there are dozens of ways autism can effect people but it doesn’t effect all people with autism. (Think of it the way that all buses are vehicles, but not all vehicles are buses.)

Take my brother, his school friends, my dad and myself.

My brother was diagnosed with autism very young, due to learning difficulties and noticeable delay in social awareness. Physically his development was technically above average and he has a huge capacity for imagination, but he is unable to do things like travel independently due to his reliance on routine. He “stims”, which means a repetitive movement/twitch that keeps him calm.

Many of his school friends (at his specialist school) have physical or communication issues. Some have weak muscle development, or are non verbal (can’t speak). Like my brother, they rely on routine. Some have sensory issues, finding uncomfortable sensations like a tag in their clothes completely overwhelming. 

My dad wasn’t diagnosed until his middle age. He was diagnosed (though with caution) while they were helping him with his bi-polar. He has “special interests” or obsessions which take prime importance in his life, but his main indicator was his low scoring sense of empathy. (Take note of this: it is important to my points later.)

I was only formally diagnosed around two or three years ago, after having to wait a long time to get a diagnosis appointment. (Separate rant, but they diagnosed me from things that have been in life since I was born when I was 18?) I also have repetitive behaviour, reliance of routine, several social anxiety and special interests (Sherlock was one of them). 

However, being a woman with autism complicates the understanding of it. This is due to a pattern within women of “learning” social etiquette. Empathy may not come naturally, but you learn what people do in certain situations that call for empathy. This is not entirely absent in men either, but social pressures upon women are present from a younger age. Due to a absence of understanding that women can be autistic, women suffering from autism often suffer from depression as they think are “crazy” for finding social things unsatisfying/hard. (Think of Euros from Sherlock here, I’ll elaborate later.)

There is a way of discussing this different areas that illustrate a person’s place on the autistic spectrum, called the The Triad of Impairments.

THE TRIAD OF IMPAIRMENTS: LIKE THE TRIFORCE, BUT... SOCIALLY ANXIOUS

So your place on the Spectrum shows in how highly you score in these different areas.

Social Communication: This is mostly to do with being able to speak/understand verbal conversation, but also includes a difficulty reading facial expressions, body language, and expressing their own feelings.

Social Interaction: This is social behaviours that often come across as rude, like avoiding eye contact, showing no interest in other’s opinions, and a lack of awareness of other’s feelings. 

Social Imagination: This is about difficulty predicting behaviour and working with abstract ideas. This includes a lack/absence of empathy, problems with change, repetitive behaviour and a minimal concept of danger (doing things like running across roads without taking time to be safe.)

So every autistic person ranks somewhere in one of these as a minimum. I have issues mostly in social interaction, after a long time of therapy to improve social communication. My brother ranks highly in all three. My dad is entirely in the social imagination part.

SO WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SHERLOCK?

Oh yeah, this was about Sherlock, wasn’t it?

Sherlock is one the main characters cited when people discuss possible autistic characters that are undiagnosed/good role models. This isn’t a hypothetical thing: it was actually an interpretation that made me interested in Sherlock Holmes in the first place. Using what I’ve discussed here, you can see it.

SHERLOCK: Has trouble expressing his feelings, often comes across as rude due to ignorance of social expectations, doesn’t care about opinions of others, often lacks empathy (except for those they are close with), minimal concept of danger, special interest (criminology, violin, chemistry).

The show says he has it, in a passing and underwhelming way. That in itself is disappointing, and hardly representation when it is thrown out in the same way a joke would be. When you apply the same idea to Mycroft, you get the same result, perhaps even more present due to his heavily introverted social life. For Euros, I see this:

EUROS: Difficulty reading body language (unsure if a nurse was male or female), often lacks awareness of the feelings of others, has an absence of empathy, has issues with changes to her sense of order, twitches (like stims), special interests (violin, her brother), and minimal concept of danger.

I agree that psychopathy is a legitimate reading of her character. But that is also a spectrum disorder. I believe that Euros is complicated by the fact that many of her cruel actions are out of design to frighten people. The plot tries to justify her cruel treatment by calling her “a psychopath” so it’s ok to throw her in prison.

However, the show goes out of the way to establish that she is never formally analysed, that she is socially isolated and that she is built up to have “mind control” powers. It makes her pretty much a supernatural monster, like a demon summoned from hell.

As a child with such huge mental illness issues, isolating her would be nothing less than needlessly cruel. As mentioned, women with autism cope by “learning” social behaviours, even if they don’t understand them. Even if she is psychopathic, removing her from people at a young age would ruin her social development even further. At the age of eight, cutting her off from social interaction would only make these social problems worse.

I take issue with the show’s treatment of disability on the whole, regardless of my own specific moments. John’s PTSD is inconsistent at best, and throwaway at its worst. (I don’t know enough about PTSD to discuss this in detail, but the fact the cane reappears in S4 after a three series absence makes the vanishing limp painfully obvious.) 

Euros being somehow able to control people’s minds due some vague mental illness (be it psychopathy, autism, bipolar, whatever) makes the mentally ill into some “other” thing which should be considered evil. Moriarty being a victim of twitchy mood swings is part of this stereotyping of mental illness characteristics with evil. 

Sherlock being autistic only as a throwaway line was depressing: how hard would it be just to say “yes, he’s autistic” and have him be an appealing protagonist? That would mean the world to me. But all examples of people being neuroatypical are negative, and it makes me feel isolated from something I should love.

Basically, don’t write characters as mentally ill unless you’re prepared to fully consider the implications of what you’re writing. Research the context of your own piece (Sherlock having such a strong connection to autism anyway), research the issues of the mental illness’s presentation in media, RESEARCH MENTAL HEALTH FROM THE VIEW OF THE MENTALLY ILL.

SOURCES:

http://www.autismbedfordshire.net/about-autism/triad-of-impairments/

http://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/criteria-changes.aspx

http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asd.aspx?gclid=Cj0KEQiAzZHEBRD0ivi9_pDzgYMBEiQAtvxt-AEZgrk7_4i_XCunTKJIzH2BVol1TE6d-YFwrFOjTL8aAuUS8P8HAQ

http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/myths-facts-stats.aspx

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainsnacks/201110/did-sherlock-holmes-have-asperger-syndrome

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/psychopathy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIlm5MyZTlM