#yes I am aware this is ah complicated from legal aspects

[scoundrels-in-love]

Opening commissions!

My financial situation is rough these days and it is likely to only worsen once I quit my job in little over a month, so I've decided to give this a try.

If you'd like to support me, I am offering to write a fic or ficlet for a ship (Mashwood or individual pairings within those parameters, preferably) and concept/prompt of your choosing in return.

I know I've not been posting much, but I am on a mend after my mental breakdown last week and the torturous, slow slide toward it over past several months, so, the writing is coming back to me. I also promise to give your prompts priority over my own idling ideas.

(Of course, if I reblog prompt list asking for prompts, you can just send your ideas in!)

My Ko-Fi.

[toyfrog]

Spader' Portguese Interview: Planting a Massive Oak Tree and Breaking Away!

Oh, yes he is.

Without a Doubt: Spader isn’t happy. And it seems his own fanbase are out of touch with his true feelings on the subject of fame, and why he just wants a simple work schedule like he had in Season 1?

Is that too much to ask? Apparently so. And because he’s been forced to work all the time, it’s taking him away from his private life.

HES NOT HAPPY.

But those who follow me *know* this already.

James Spader stars in “The Blacklist” since 2013. It’s more of a dark character in his career, the ones he’s drawn to.

[I’VE MENTIONED THIS: WHENEVER A LEAD ACTOR BECOMES FRUSTRATED WITH STORY, OR IN SPADER’S CASE, ADD THE SHOOTING SCHEDULE, THEYRE GOING TO VENT. NOT IN THE STATES BECAUSE THEY ARE PROTESTING IN THEIR OWN WAY THEIR DISTRESS OVER THE CURRENT STORY DIRECTION. ILL EVEN ADD ON THAT THE INTERVIEWEES ARE HAND PICKED BY THE SAME SOFTBALL CREW WHO WILL WRITE JUST ABOUT ANYTHING TO HYPE A BAD SHOW OR INTERVIEW THE SAME ACTOR OVER AND OVER THE ACTOR WHO LOVES TO HEAR HIMSELF TALK, LIVES THE SPOTLIGHT, NILS IS A TERRIBLE DISEASE FOR ROOKIE ACTORS. THEY START BELIEVING THEIR OWN PRESS UNTILL THOSE RATINGS CRASH THEIR Q SCORE]

[SO WHILE AMIR ARISON, AND RE TWEET THEIR ‘LOYALTY’ BECAUSE THEY ARE GETTING THE MOTHERLODE OF AIRTIME AND STORY, OTHER ACTORS REMAIN SILENT AND FOR GOOD REASON. THE SHOW IS ALARMINGLY IMBALANCED.]

James Spader’s debut in the art of representation took place in the cinema in the early 1980s, but in the nearly four decades of his career, the actor stood out as a TV character in “gray” or completely dark. That was the unethical Alan Shore of Fair Cause and Boston Legal or the puzzling Robert California of The Office. But also from Raymond “Red” Reddington from The Blacklist, NBC series issued in Portugal by SIC. Dressing the skin to these villains is not an imposition, but Spader admits in an interview that DN had access that feels “a certain attraction” by them.

“I’ve always found anti-heroes very attractive and of course playing a villain who mixes his evil with humor and irreverence can be a lot of fun,” he explains. [HERES THE DISCONNECT: RED IS A VILLAIN-HIS FANS REFUSE TO SEE THAT. INSTEAD THEY FEEL RED IS THE LONG SUFFERING HERO HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH LIZ. YEA. THATS *NOT* WHATS GOING ON HERE AT ALL. IN THE END, “HE MUST PAY.” READ THE FARMER PARABLE AND YOU’LL KNOW THE ENDING. It DOES NOT MATTER WHAT GOOD RED DOES IN THE FIVE YEARS….IN THE END, “HE KNOWS IN HIS HEART THAT HE MUST PAY.”]

In fiction, he believes, tyranny represents “in many respects the extremes of society” and is a “kind of morbid curiosity” in knowing these extremes that impels it.

[DO WE SEE HOW SPADER AND KLATTENHOFF APPROACH THEIR INTERVIEWS? ALL ABOUT THE CRAFT NOT THE STORYLINE. NEVER ABOUT THE STORYLINE BECAUSE PROFESSIONALS LEAVE IT TO THE WRITERS. BUT IF RATINGS SINK BECAUSE OF THOSE CHOICES, THE ACTORS THROW SHADE IN A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE WAY AND SPADER BROUGHT HIS OAK TREE]

The success of his “Red”, the man most wanted by the FBI - who gave himself on the condition of being released and in turn helping to catch criminals on a blacklist - is also due to “luck” On television had come “at a time when anti-heroes were not plentiful.” “Now there’s probably more, though I do not have time to watch TV. I’m too busy doing it,” stresses the interpreter. [HE DOESNT WATCH TV HE DOESNT WATCH BLACKLIST ITS WHY HES NOT ON TWITTER HE GOES SHOOTS HIS SCENES AND GOES HOME. HE DOES NOT HANG OUT WITH ACTORS OR STAFF HE IS LIKE MANY ACTORS WHO PREFER TO AVOID THE SPOTLIGHT EXCEPT WHEN THE DIRECTOR SHOUTS, “ACTION”]

In his house, he says, “there is not a single television yet.” “I’ll move in soon, who knows if there will not be?” Jokes Spader, 57. “I do not know if this is not a paradox … I spend so much time, so many hours, [NOTICE HE KEEPS BRINGING UP HIS SHOOTING SCHEDULE? TRY MEMORIZING HIS DIALOGUE THE WINTER FINALE SHOWCASED SPADER FOR 21 MINUTES. THATS EXCESSIVE. He’d prefer ten maybe 8. 21 MINUTES LEAVES NO ROOM FOR ANYONE ELSE. FANS MAY BE FINE WITH THAT BUT SPADER ISNT. THATS OVERTIME] so many days, weeks and months to live within the television fiction and within the television drama … [SPADER IS TIRED. SPADER WANTS WHAT HE WAS PROMISED IN SEASON 1.I dedicate so much of my life to television as when I do not I’m working, I do not want to waste time with her, "he explains. [Her AS IN HIS GF? I would assume?]

Incidentally, probably not watching the fiction on the small screen is that James Spader does not have a formed and "objective” opinion on the evolution of the industry. “I do not know if I understand the business, I know it’s changing, it’s getting more involved and growing, it’s expanding in a dizzying way, [AND HERE COMES THE OAK TREE TO PROVIDE ENOUGH SHADE TO REACH LOS ANGELES] but it’s very complicated to be aware of what happens if we spend a lot of time working, [WORKING SHOOTING, NO TIME WITH HIS GF OR FAMILY NO TVS IN THE HOUSE DOESNT WATCH THE SHOW NOT ABSORBED IN RED ITS NOT HIM AND HES TIRED OF THE CHAOS-MY BELIEF, THE BAD WRITING. USING HIM TO FIX THE WRITING. USING HIS CHARACTER TO CARRY THE SHOW AND THE IMBALANCE TO THE SHOW] Which is my case, "he explains.

Compared to other NBC hit series such as This Is Us, Chicago Fire, Chicago Justice, or Timeless, [ALL THESE SHOWS HAVE BETTER RATINGS THAN THE BLACKLIST. THATS HOW BAD THE SHOW IS. WHEN ACTOR DOESNT USE THE EXCUSES OH, THERES MORE SHOWS ON TV, WE HAVE A BAD TIME SLOT, THE LIve 7 PPL WATCH-YEAH NO HE MAKES ZERO EXCUSES BECAUSE HE KNOWS.

ITS THE STORY TIER. HE WANTS IT TO GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS WHERE HE HAD LESS OF A SHOOTING SCHEDULE. SO FOR THOSE THAT SCREAM MORE RED AND LIZ AH THATS NOT WHAT SPADER WANTS. HE WANTS LESS.] The Blacklist ranks 13th among the 18 issued by the North American station. But it was once one of the biggest audiences. [BUT IT WAS ONCE ONE OF THE BIGGEST AUDIENCES. RECALL SALKE SAYING THE BLACKLIST IS POPULAR OVERSEAS? RECALL ME SAYING WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE BAD WRITING SHOWS UP? When PRESS DO INTERVIEWS THEY GET TO VIEW THE SEASON EPISODES. THATS WHY THIS INTERVIEW HAS BLACKLIST ON ITS DEATHBED] The fourth season, currently on display in the US, debuted in September last year with 6397 million viewers. The most recent episodes were below five million. [A BLOW INDEED ALL BECAUSE OF TOM PIMPING, ARAM PIMPING, ELISE PIMPING ALEXANDER KIRK PIMPING, SARAM PIMPING KEEN2 PIMPING AND FINALLY PLOT DRIVEN STORY WITHOUT PIMPING THE THREE MAIN LEADS AS THE SMASH CREDITS INDICATE FOR A REASON: RED/LIZ/RESSLER. NO INTERACTION WITH THE MAIN LEADS REFLECTS THE RATINGS-THE WRITERS KNOW WHAT THEY DID THATS WHY THEY ARE SILENT AND SO DO THE ACTORS. CURRENT STORY DIRECTION SINCE 3B KILLED THE SHOW] A blow that has left the doubt in the air: will NBC cancel or renew the story? [TWO MILLION VIEWERS LOST AND COUNTING. EUROPE SENDING THE SIGNAL TO NBC AND THE SHOW:FIX IT]

Spader remains optimistic, and believes that what has so far kept this story on air "is a strange mix of things,” [HERE COMES THAT MASSIVE OAK TREE AGAIN JUST PLANT IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WRITERS ROOM OR ON TOP OF EISENDRATH'S DESK] including the fact that screenwriters are in Los Angeles [OMG WRITERS YOU ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH THE MECHANICS OF NEW YORK AND OF COURSE BY THE TIME NY GETS THE SCRIPTS EDITS HAPPEN ADJUSTMENTS HAPPEN REGULARLY] and recordings take place in New York. “We do not even live our lives at the same time … [HE HATES HIS SHOOTING SCHEDULE DID I MENTION THAT? IF LA IS WRITING AT FOUR PM SPADER AND GANG ARE FILMING AT 7 PM OR 9 pm, OR TEN PM OR SIX AM OR 8 AM TO ACCOMODATE LOS ANGELES AND TO ACCOMODATE A SPIN OFF] The series is strange, sometimes surprising [SOMETIMES SURPRISING IOW HELL GET A GOOD SCRIPT LIKE CAPE MAY OR IN S3 IN MARVIN GERARD BUT MOST OF THE TIME ITS STAGNANT, PREDICTABLE AND PLOT DRIVEN] and intense, sometimes irreverent, [OAK TREE] sometimes passive [PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE] and still volatile.” [IOW IF THEY DO A 180 STORY FLIP BACK TO ITS As DIEGO SAID REGARDING S3 A MAGICAL FORMULA, NOT PLOT DRIVEN BS THE SHOW CAN LAST. BUT HE DOESNT WAX POETIC NOR DOES HE SUGARCOAT THE HYPE AND HE BRINGS UP IRREVERENT SOMETIMES? Yeah look it up. HES NOT HAPPY. ]

On the direction he would like to see the plot follow, [MAN I LOVE THIS YES JAMES WHAT PLOTLINE DO YOU WISH FOR BOKENKAMP AND EISENDRATH TO FOLLOW IM GOING TO GUESS ITS NOT KEEN 2 ITS NOT THE BABY, ITS NOT THIS ISOLATION OF THE LEADS AND HE NEVER MENTIONS RED AND LIZ NOTICE THAT?] the actor only says that “the most satisfying is when there is an abrupt change.” [ABRUPT CHANGE OR AS WE SAY IN THE INDUSTRY A 180 STORY FLIP. End KEEN2, SHAKE THINGS UP GO BACK TO RED/LIZ/RESSLER ENOUGH OF ARAM HES HAD THREE STORYLINES IN ONE YEAR AND TOM HAS HAD THE MOST EXPOSURE THAN ANY ACTOR COMBINED AND WHAT DID THEY GET? LOSS OF ADVERTISING 0.7! KEEP IN MIND IF TBL DEBUTS AT 0.8 ITS TOAST. It needs 1.0 TO STAY IN CONTENTION] “I think we’ve already been successful in that aspect and it was precisely these heights I most liked The Blacklist.”

[OY SPADER IS NOT HAPPY. FANS ARE NOT HAPPY ADVERTISERS AND NETWORK ARE NOT HAPPY AND NOW WRITERS ARE SILENT. FOR SPADER, ITS JUST A PAYCHECK NOW. BETTING ON RE WAS STUPID. GO BACK TO ORIGINAL STORY DIRECTION LIKE I SAID-A 180 STORY FLIP…SEEMS THATS EXACTLY WHAT SPADER WANTS: ABRUPT CHANGE AND IF THEY DONT DO IT AND LEAVE IT LIKE IT IS I DONT THINK HE WILL RENEW HIS CONTRACT BUT CONTINUE TO PLANT THAT MASSIVE OAK TREE .]

[thegentlemaninthetophat]

Last night I got the chance to attend the trans rights march in Pittsburgh.  And I'm grateful for it. My attendance was originally questionable.  What, me with my overnight shift the night before, my anatomy and physiology tutoring right after, the chance for only two hours of sleep or so before I'd have to leave to be back in Pittsburgh for the march.  I highly debated on not going.  But, sometimes you get that pit feeling in your stomach where you know there's a place your supposed to be.  Call it life or god or whatever, but sometimes you just know you're supposed to be somewhere.  And I was supposed to be there.

And I'll admit, on more than one occasion I was almost at tears.  To actually be able to stand with a crowd and hear speakers and be seen.  And to march.  As a queer person in this country, there's a lot of legacy in marching.  There's a lot of history in marching.  You sort of have this knowledge and awareness that your innate legacy comes out of marches, protests, and open resistance.  What we know and what we have comes from our elders fighting the fight before us.  What we have and will have in the future comes from us fighting the fight for the children that come after us.

And it's the idea of the children that pushed me and is now pushing me further in the open than I have been in the past.  The bathroom legality  is targeted at our children and at our queer youth.  At the end of the day these are children.  These are children that already have a high rate of suicide and depression. It has been a long battle to keep our queer youth alive and it's so unsettling to see that we're back at this sort of fight.  I grew up in the era before gay marriage was really a widespread thing.  I got to see all those changes.  And now for us to be back at this, in the wake of Orlando, is heartbreaking.

Repeat after me, these are children. Brave children.  The bathroom debate impacts me, yes but I am far more equipped to handle my own bathroom needs.  I'm a legal adult with a car and years of experience of navigating bathrooms.  I know how to find a bathroom that is safe for me to use.  My current schooling now has easy to navigate bathrooms.  These are children. Children in traditional full day school.  They don't have the advantages and easy pickings that I do.  They can't just up and leave and find a different bathroom.

Let's face it, I didn't begin to get myself together until after high school.  I didn't have to fight the bathroom fight.  I legit had an inkling of what was going on with me when I was thirteen or fourteen and noped so hard out of that that I didn't address it again until I was nineteen or so.  I wasn't like them.  I wasn't that brave.  Handling my developing sexuality was a full on disaster that required all my effort.  Handling gender was so far beyond what I was capable of.  Shit, I didn't even have vocabulary for it.  Transgender?  Yo, so much a word I didn't understand.  Listen, I had to Google to find out that the word 'bisexual' even existed.  If that doesn't give you the sense of how unprepared I was for my own gender issues I don't know what does.

I am twenty-five.  Last night was the first night I think I've ever touched and held anything that actually said the words 'trans' and 'proud' together.  Because those two words have never really been associated in my head.  That's not to say that I'm ashamed of being trans.  I'm not.  It's just always viewed it more as a hassle.  An inconvenience.  I mean it complicates every aspect of my life.  It hasn't exactly ever been a perk.  

It's not exactly a thing I talk about. I've always been more willing to address and talk about my sexuality more than my gender.  The truth is though, since coming back home from my first college, there is no real way for me to discuss my sexuality without discussing my gender.  The two concepts are so tangled up in each other that I usually vote to discuss neither. It's easy to say that I date both boys and girls.  It's easy to say I prefer men, mostly.  Ah, but sexuality and dating talk includes talk of exes.  On occasion I might discuss a female ex.  But to talk of my last male ex?  Hah, not really.  Because my last male ex was a straight man.  And that's where sexuality and gender are so tied together.  

Besides, being a man and largely preferring men isn't an easy thing to manage as a trans man.  

Proud and trans?  Well.  Not something I usually associate for myself.  Others, perhaps.  These children for instance.  These brave, brave children that I'm so proud of.  That I'm so, so worried for.

I was thirteen/fourteen, when I had a split second awareness that female was not a word I wanted for myself.  I remember that clearly.  It went hand in hand with me realizing that I am bi.  You know, after the Google adventure to get the vocabulary.  Except my hands were already super full trying to handle the sexuality issue.  So gender?  Nope.  I buried that far enough down to where it could quietly fester into mental health issues.  I'm not saying I was a reasonable person.

Looking back now it's rather obvious. I couldn't understand it then why I couldn't fully identify with bisexual women.  Bisexual was a thing I could handle being, but no part of me other really identified with women loving women.  The queer women movement and identity is so powerful and so beautiful- but it did nothing for me.  It's obvious now, of course.  

It wasn't until years later that I started to slowly get my head around things.  Only, by then, I couldn't.  I was in a relationship that was supposed to last the rest of my life.  It was supposed to end in marriage.  I was planning a wedding and building for a future with a man.  Most notably, a man that was straight.  There wasn't room to be anything or anyone else than I already was.  For a multitude of bad reasons, I was fairly okay with that as well.  Again, I'm not saying I was healthy about my life.  

Gender and sexuality have always been so intertwined for me.  To me, it was simple.  I would go from being a woman in love with a man to being a man in love with a man.  Super easy.  It didn't change anything on my end.  Still, things aren't that simple for other people, are they?

If I was to really cover the ideas of my transition here I would go on and on.  There's a lot there I'm not proud of either.  Did you ever have a period of your life that you have a hard time looking back on- not because you did anything wrong or shameful, but because you didn't care about yourself soon enough? My coming to terms and starting transition is much a period of that. Tangled up in a story about an ex.

But standing in that crowd last night there was a bit of pride personally.  For the first time I really thought about my own trans story and what some of that really means.

Because, fuck, that shit was hard.  I was strong enough to start addressing what was happening to me.  What I knew deep down had been happening that I just hadn't wanted to deal with.  I did the research to get the vocabulary I just had never had. I found the words to describe what my gender situation was in comparison to my body.

I put myself into the necessary therapy to begin addressing transition.  I paid for, I researched for, and I stood in court several years ago to get the legal name I wanted.  I stood in a court to do that.  I researched physical transitions to determine what I wanted.  I weighed the risks and benefits of starting hormone therapy.  The relative ease of life I have right now is because I did that for myself years ago.

There is a fair enough reason to be proud.  It took work.  It took worry.  It took arguing constantly to justify my actions.  It was and sometimes still is overly scary.

There are still moments where I wonder how I survived that.  

And that's what scares me about the situation we are in now.  These are children.  It might be so easy to say that this is only a bathroom issue.  But the truth is America has always hid its underlying problems under other things. Aka, water fountains.  

I was older when I started to address my life honestly.  I was able to pursue my own actions legally and medically.  These are children who do not have these means.  They cannot move to legally defend themselves.  They have to rely on parents and teachers and law officials to fight back for them.  I cannot begin to imagine how different, how much harder my life would have been if I had realized I was trans as a child.

What's more, we have to fight for these children.  There is a great legacy in resistance.  In marching.  A lot of hope is built on visible faces.  Visible faces are what makes the difference.  When I was younger and even recently I wanted very much to bury the idea of me being trans and to move on with my life. In the America we have today I don't think this is an option.  Those that are able to live openly, safely, need to do so.  

It's important to establish visibility to the general public, but it's much more important to do so for our youth.  They need to be able to see their elders.  Twenty-five isn't that old either, but with the high rate for suicide in the community, twenty-five is no longer insignificant.

Aka I labeled myself publicly trans for the first time last night