#years of friendship gone!!
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plush-rabbit · 2 years ago
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Loneliness Back at Home
TW: self-degradation
Word Count: 2.2K
A/N: Can yall guess the feelings that im going through rn
Of course they were going to move on with their lives. What became frequent and everyday text messages, slowly turned to once a week, and then once every two weeks, and then once every month, and then you were given a meme, and a reaction, and you should have seen it coming. You should have prepared yourself for the breakup of a friendship.
You were a fool to believe that you would still be adored after months of separation. Even Lucifer had warned you about it when you asked for your D.D.D. to accept calls and messages from the Human Realm. He had only scowled and told you that it would be a waste, that human relations hardly ever last long distance and you fought with him, tears burning in your eyes, and shame on the tips of your ears, telling him that it wasn’t going to be like that, arguing with a man older than you could ever comprehend about something childish in his eyes. He had only relented when you threatened to ask Lord Diavolo yourself for a connection plan to the Human Realm. You cannot fathom how smug he’ll be when you tell him to cancel the phone line to the Human Realm. 
Tears well up in your eyes and it’s becoming difficult to swallow whatever is lodged in your throat. The crown of your head hits the back of your headboard and you dig your nails into your palms, forcing for the tears to stop. 
No, you are not going to cry over them. Friendships come and go. You always told yourself you were the least liked, the one who they felt like they had to invite, the one who didn’t really fit in, the one who thought of everyone as a close friend but no one else thought the same. You were only there to fill the gaps, nothing more. You had to prepare yourself because you knew the truth, because the others were too kind to ever tell you otherwise.
And yet, it did nothing to soften the pain of rejection and abandonment.
In the loneliness of your mind, you told yourself that when you went back to the House of Lamentation, you’d be quieter, you’d be less of a nuisance- you’d be likable. 
Your friends were sitting around you, laughing and talking, and every conversation that they had were about moments when you weren’t there. They had jokes that were unknown to outsiders, and you sat there, as an outsider, as someone marring their meet-up, as an onlooker and nothing else. They dropped you off, and later in their stories, you saw that they went out without you. 
It wasn’t that you wanted them to have fun without you- you much prefer if they showed the world how happy they were rather than hide their happiness to spare your feelings anyways- but it was them ignoring you, looking the other way. You’d speak up and your words would be drowned by others, and your sentence would be snuffed before it had even begun to light. 
You let the sting last throughout the night and in the morning when you went to the store, you saw them at the self-checkout, and they were smiling. Their contact lit your screen and you thought about calling them, about giving them a cheeky, “look up” and waving at them- a final outreach of friendship- but you stopped yourself. They hadn’t invited you, what would make you think that they would want to say hello to you. No, you saved yourself from that humiliation, from your own desperation and walked further into the store. You walked away, buying time to make sure that they left the store so you could save each other from the awkward hellos. 
Everyone that you passed in the market seemed content in their life, as you walked alone, clutching your items awkwardly in your hands. You saw the back of their clothes as they walked out the store and you replaced them where they once stood in line.
Love echoes in the walls, and you miss the way that you were once loved. 
There is no notification from your phone- no goodbyes, no concerns. You’re gone from their lives, nothing more than a memory, something for them to smile about when they remember something that you once said. To you, they are still everything, you weren’t ready to say goodbye, and all the love you have for them leaks from your heart and spills itself on the collar of your shirt and stains your hands.
“Hey-” he walks into your room,eyes closed and a sort of upturned nose type of attitude, with his phone and charger, held tight in his hand- “you promised that when you got back we’d-” he looks up at you, and stops, falling silent. “Shit,” he curses under his breath, “you okay?” 
You roll your lips into your mouth, nipping at the bottom, and your vision is getting blurry, the light from your lamp streaking in the corner of your vision. You hum, nodding your head, and it sounds painful- high-pitched and forced, and when he says your name, closing the door behind him, you cry. 
The comforter wrinkles under you, and any of the high and mighty acts of him not loving you, crumbles as you do.
“Hey, hey,” Mammon mutters, “you okay? Who- What happened?” His arms wrap around you, and you’re pressed to his chest, the warmth burning against your cheeks. 
“The trip was a total bust,” you spat out in tears. Your hands twist into the fabric of his shirt, and you try to calm down. You told yourself that you would be likable- that you would be quieter than all of this needless wailing.
“What happened?” He asks, running his hand under your shift, manicured nails running up and down your spine. Your chest shudders with every breath that you take, and you try to bury yourself deeper into him. “You can tell me-” at another pitiful attempt of choking back a sob, he quickly adds- “or not. There’s no pressure. Just uh- know that I’m here for ya, all right?” His hand stops in the middle of your back, and he traces loops and circles down your back. 
“It’s like we weren’t even friends,” you murmur. “They were laughing and going out, and having fun without me and- fuck!” Your legs twist and rub themselves over each other, begging for something to swallow you whole, to have you disappear from sight. “It sounds so selfish when I say it outloud. I- I just wanted them to have fun with me.” You wish you cried in the shower where he wouldn’t have been able to see you.
“That doesn’t sound so bad. Everybody’s selfish around here, ya know.” His other hand has sneaked to hold onto your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles. “We must’ve rubbed off on ya or somethin’.” 
“At least people like being around you. I mean- fuck,”  you whimper, twisting yourself further into him. “Is it me? Like it has to be me, right?” You croak out, eyes wide with horror, and nails clawing into your skin as a repayment, because of course it is you, and of course you have to pay for it- for being so annoying, so demanding, so unlovable.
“No, no,” he coos, twisting himself to hold you, his arms snaking around you, legs intertwined with yours, trapping you beside him, subjecting himself to his own torment. “It isn’t you,” he tells you. 
“But it’s me that they’re leaving,” you say in a hushed voice. “It’s not the other way around. I’m the one that’s being left behind. Even at work, I don’t have friends- like sure they tolerate me, but they don’t like me.” Your voice starts to give, it’s uneven and wavers with each syllable. “Even with my friends from the Human Realm, they’re laughing and talking and I-” your heart breaks, and you feel the sting of rejection burn and sear itself across your body. “I felt alone. I felt-” you stop yourself. You felt like you were a child again, picked last for a group project, sitting alone at lunch, begging that the teacher would assign groups, stomach twisting and turning at the thought of gym, desperate to keep your friends by sacrificing every bit of yourself. Your tears stop for a moment, and your lungs are filled with air, expanding and too much to bear. “I felt pathetic.”
“Don’t say that,” he says softly.
“But I am. I really thought they were going to miss me the way that I missed them. But they were done with me. I was the one begging for the meet up. I was the one initiating conversations.” You let out a sigh, and rise, pulling away from him. “I- I thought I was at least someone’s favorite- that maybe they still considered me a friend.” A sob breaks through your ramble. “I held out onto some stupid hope that someone could tolerate me.”
“I tolerate you,” he adds quickly.
You let out a breath, pushing it out of your body. “You didn’t before,” you counter and he winces. “You were forced to like me and fuck, Mammon.” You intake a large breath and you’re unable to keep it in your body. “I’m sorry for how annoying I was.” You dip your head down, and feel your tears drip down. 
“You weren’t,” his voice is low, and his hands cup at your cheeks, and lift you up. “I was just annoyed at Lucifer- it was never for you; it just had to be or Lucifer would’ve had my ass swinging from the ceiling.” You snort, rubbing at the tip of your nose and sniveling. Your forehead meets his shoulder, and his warmth isn’t as suffocating as it was moments before. “There ya go, got you smilin’. That must count for somethin’.
“Counts for a lot,” you mutter, turning your head to rest your cheek over his shoulder, your nose ghosting over the side of his neck. There’s a moment of silence, of you reaching your arms around him and bunching up the back of his shirt and stretching in downwards. The tag of his shirt peeks out. “I can’t believe I have to tell Lucifer that he was right,” you moan, pressing yourself closer to him. 
“Yeah,” Mammon breathes out, his fingertips dancing along the line where your shirt begins along the nape of your neck, “he’s never gonna let you live that down.” His head knocks softly against yours, and you let out a humorless chuckle.
“Great,” you say with sarcasm twisted into your words. You pull away from him, and he sits tall, watching as you sit on his lap, hands sliding from the back of his shirt, across his chest, and resting over his shoulders. “What if I don’t tell him? Just you know-” you loll your head to the sides a few times- “let him waste money.”
“He’d kill ya,” Mammon says without a smile. He leans forward, the tip of his nose pressed against yours in a faux bunny kiss. “And who would I have backin’ up my ideas?”
Your eyes close and a smile stretches softly. “You could always bribe Beel, and after that Belphie would follow. Asmo would join for the heck of it, and if you twist Levi’s arm enough, he’d join too.” You pause. “Satan would just need the excuse to piss off Lucifer.”
“Ha!” He pulls away and you lean back into him, the labor of crying and self-pitying finally catching up to you. “You think about leavin’ my side often or what?”
“Or what,” you say in a whisper that ghosts over his neck. “I like thinking.” 
You feel the smile on his lips as he presses a chaste kiss against yours, letting his lips flutter against your tear-stained skin. “Funny-” his lips kiss your skin once more. “Anyways,” his chest pushes out as he exhales, and you’re grateful he’s warm, or else you would have buried yourself under blankets while you cried yourself to sleep. You hum in response, and let a hand of yours fall to the mattress, and toy with the end of his shirt, your knuckles brushing alongside his bare skin every now and then. “You feelin’ better?” He asks in a soft voice. “I helped?” You smile at how eager he is to hear how he helped, and you wished he asked earlier so you could praise him and kiss him, and hold him in your arms as if he were a lifeline in the middle of the vast sea. 
You nod. “You helped,” you agree, placing a gentle kiss where the soft of his skin gives away his emotions. “You helped plenty, Mammon. I’m not crying myself to sleep, so I’m counting that as a win.”
The bed sinks and you feel the dip even as you lay on him. Something soft covers you, and you don’t have the strength to open your eyes and see what it is. “Good, good,” he says quietly, turning his head to place a kiss against the side of yours. “‘S what I’m here for.”
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tiffanygeorge · 3 months ago
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He said it’s all in your head
I said so is everything
But he didn’t get it
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anoant-haikyuu-dump · 2 months ago
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Karasuno's woman lovers
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stromer · 7 months ago
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call me crazy... but i think hockey belongs in the desert idk
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kinokoshoujoart · 5 months ago
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the coolest kids in forgotten valley!!☆
(…it seems there may have been a stretch of time where rock and lumina were the only kids in forgotten valley…🥲)
poseref
#in the remake hugh and the player’s kid are the same number of years apart#so i can see them having very similar conversations n friendship#surely these two kids will grow up well adjusted and they will have no lasting effects from this kind of isolation. they will be fine#i have been thinking a lot about what their childhoods were like. i want to protect both of them#everyone who has anything to say about them as kids says that both of them were not well behaved children at all#tei says rock was rambunctious and energetic and hard to handle. sebastian says lumina was less than amenable#rock says he was bored to death when he first came here and lumina asks you not to tell romana that she’s lonely#lumina also hated wearing dresses so. she is very mad and ready to bite people maybe#sos awl#bokumono#my art#rock tumbling (sos)#harvest moon#story of seasons#story of seasons a wonderful life#bokujou monogatari#i like to imagine a au where pony and cecilia come to visit their family’s respective farms#so these two can have more friends ;w;#i am always thinking about how they were both severed from their families and taken in by someone else at a young age to live in nowhere#and they are both not exactly enthused about following the path laid out for them#headcanon ⚠️ i wonder if rock’s moving out on his own happened when he was a teenager. he was extremely confident everything would work out#anyway he got fired from every job ever and after many years came crawling back. and he came crawling back blond#at the time of chapter 1 lumina is baffled by the state of the guy she grew up with. why is he using dated slang and wearing disco costume#she is also kind of mad at him for having been gone for so long#hc ​rock probably had more freedom as a kid than lumina did which probably annoyed her#once again takakura retrieves a small rock from the goddess pond and he’s covered in poison ivy bee stings etc. no remorse#lumina from her window on the hill feels somehow jealous of these misadventures#lumina mentions in her heart event that she doesn’t often visit the beach because her skin burns easily#meanwhile rock was probably playing outside always. if his kid is any indication#idk i like thinking about the history of this extremely small village
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xehanortsreport · 7 months ago
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the subtle resignation in his expression at even bouncing with the context of his final words kinda destroying me ngl
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slytherinchillvius · 20 days ago
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"She told me in the morning she don't feel the same about us in her bones It seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone" - Liam Payne, Story of My Life (2013)
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I can't believe that it's already been a week without my favorite 1D member!
Hello?! All I want to do is wake up from this bad dream called a nightmare and know that Liam is still here. But I can't because this is real. I can't even accept the fact that he's gone!!
Like I've always said, It wasn't his to go yet, and he was still too young to leave.
This talented and amazing man, still had so many years including watching his kiddo grow up. And as time would’ve gone on death should've waited until it was actually Liam's time to go (but even then it still would’ve been heartbreaking and devastating either way) but no this soon.
Liam once said back in 2013, "It seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone".
Rest in heavenly Paradise Angel. The boys and everyone all miss you and love you so much. Fly high angel.
1993-2024
aged: 31
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greekmythology1 · 20 days ago
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"I know that in the morning now I'll see us in the light upon a hill Although I am broken, my heart is untamed, still" - Liam Payne, Story of My Life (2013)
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How is this even fair?! It's already been a week and it doesn't even feel like it's real because I don't know how to react not knowing what’s real or fake.
And I still wanna believe that Liam's death is fake and that he's okay but it's not possible because this isn’t a bad dream or nightmare, he's actually gone forever. 😔
I've been a directioner since WMYB (what makes you beautiful) and flash forward to 13 years later at 20 years old and I'm still a directioner no matter what. And I always will be.
But the 13 years ago 6-7 year old girl inside me from the past week has been heartbroken, upset, and crushed by the fact that her favorite 1D member is gone. 😔💔
Rest in paradise and fly high handsome angel. It wasn't your time yet, you still definitely had more years to go in the future and even watching your kiddo grow up. You didn't deserve to go this soon and this young either. We all hope you've found your peace up there. We all miss you and love you so much. ✝️🕊️😔
Liam Payne, 1993-2024 aged 31 years old
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solarisburns · 9 months ago
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Dorcas knew something was wrong when Evan showed up at her door one night. At the start of the war, right before she graduated all three of her-the boys took the dark mark. She wanted, desperately, for there to be more to the story, but if there was they never told her. So when she found out she was furious told them all she never wanted to speak to them ever again, and the only time they would see her face is from behind bars or in a shallow grave. They respected that and before she knew it, its been over a year and she missed them like she misses a limb. but she does not regret her decision.
So when one night evan shows up alone, dorcas knows something is wrong. she nearly curses him outright when he asks to come in but he offers his wand to her and doesn't even flinch when she rips it out of his hand. idly she considers snapping it. Evan didn't look good, he was more wirey than before the war and he looked depressed. his eyes were red.
he came into her apartment and looked around in curiosity, right he had never seen her apartment they had stopped speaking a week before she moved in. he sat on her couch and she pretended not to be hurt about how right it felt to have him here. then he spoke, "We wanted to tell you, I swear we did but he told us that if you knew and someone found out you would be a target. You and marlene and your family. We tried Dorcas we tried so fucking hard but were losing and we don't know what to do and you, your the most powerful witch we know and Reg-" he rambled frantically and when he tried to say Regulus' name his voice broke and Dorcas was filled with this horrible sense of dread. She knew why Evan was here but she didn't want to believe it. She needed to hear it out loud but merlin she didn't want to.
"Evan, what are you doing here."
"Regulus is dead."
"Oh."
And the worst part is, Dorcas knew, they all knew that Regulus would not make it through this war. One way or another, no matter what side, this always ended with Regulus dead. She feels a stab of resentment for the dead boy.
"Were spies, we um have been for years. Regulus stole something from Voldemort, he uh he died to get it. He told us if he didn't make it back to bring it to you, that you would have the power to destroy it. It's with Pandora at the moment, we try to keep it moving so theres less of a chance it can be tracked, but we wanted to tell you now. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you, I know you never wanted to see me again but Pandora is telling Sirius and Barty the Potters." Evan was crying, and he was desperately trying to hide it. Then Dorcas realized she was crying to. They sat there and cried and cried, it could have been for hours the two of them cried.
She clears her throat and looks at the clock, "Marlene will be home soon, you should leave. And uh tell Pandora she, alone, can bring whatever it is over tomorrow afternoon." Dorcas wants to forgive them but she can't, not yet. And Regulus is dead, it doesn't feel real except for the way it's all too real.
Evan nods, "of course, whatever you need." he holds his hand for his wand and turns towards the door when he gets it, but hesitates. "I know I have no right to ask this, but Cas, can I have a hug?"
She's up before he finishes his sentence and pulling him into a hug "Sure Ev." she whispers into his ear as she rocks them, their the same height now, she used to have an inch on him. he huffs what might be a laugh. and before she knows it their letting go and he's almost out the door.
"See ya around Meadowes?"
"See you around Rosier."
And then he's gone and if she closes her eyes she can pretend that he was never here at all. That somewhere in the world the three boys are out there getting drunk and ruining peoples lives and growing up without her. The boys are spies and lied to her for years and Regulus is dead. She sinks down the closed door and sobs.
(She never does see Evan around, he died two months later)
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wa3jetisbestpony · 3 months ago
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revstar fans we need to put on the best talent show this towns ever seen and save ReLive!!
#revue starlight#NOT TAKING THE NEWS WELL AT ALL. MY GIRLS THEYRE TAKING MY GIRLS AWAY FROM ME!#like its been a part of my daily routine for like a year and half now... im not gonna know what to do with myself#i really cant stand all the people being like HAHA EAT SHIT AND DIE GACHA GAME#like i will not defend the gacha aspect. i wish it it did not have to be a gacha. i acknowledge gacha games as a concept suck#but like relive wasnt some souless cash grab gacha game#the writers clearly had real passion for what they were doing. they had stories to share with us in the revue starlight universe#and sadly the way things are shitty gacha game was how they were able to make it possible#and truly it had such amazing stories. like. theres no media quite like rev star. a complete cast of female characters#all of them complex and flawed and getting to have big messy feelings!! and fighting eachother with magic swords about those feelings!!#all the different relationships between them love and rivalry and friendships and sisterhoods all complicated and fleshed out#LIKE IT JUST MEANT MUCH TO HAVE THE STEADY STREAM OF COMPELLING STORIES ENTIRY FOCUSED ON GIRLS#and now its going to be gone. i know theres still all the other revstar medoa and hope they keep doing stuff with the francise#i hope we see the frontier and rinmeikan girls again someday. they honestly had the most moments that made my jaw drop#onward to the next stage#right?#anyways do you get it talent show lol cause theyre stage performers
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kazzu120 · 1 month ago
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Finally got around to watching all of Love Live 10 years too late smh...
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musashi · 2 months ago
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i love you people with cluster b disorders. im sorry about the world
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momomikan · 2 months ago
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youtube
2024.09.01 | We Like 2 Party - GOOD BOY | Taeyang, Daesung, GD | THE LIGHT TOUR Seoul
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forestgreenlesbian · 8 months ago
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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redding · 7 months ago
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thinking abt doomed friendships*.........pearlrick i care you
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mlpoutofcontext · 2 years ago
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