#yeah. sometimes i think about this post which was clearly a personal vent about artists not drawing black characters which turned into

[1o1percentmilk]

hi! regarding your social queues post

i feel like i'm experiencing a thing that's a bit similar to what you are dealing with down to the "I'm not autistic but this shit isn't neurotypical" thoughts (and if not, I'm really sorry for an impromptu vent just ignore all of this please and have a kitty ฅ/⁠ᐠ•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠ᐟ⁠\ฅ)

several of my prev psychologists link it to general anxiety and social awkwardness and yeah, that sounds reasonable, but what bothers me is that idk how to improve

i tend to overthink everything I say to the point where, even though I know what a normal response should look like I can't convince myself that what I said/wrote is articulated in a way that doesn't sound dumb/conveys literally the opposite of what I'm trying to deliver. answering a message after days of silence, which actively worsens my relationships, while I fear that answering with a 'stupid' message would be even worse or agonising over a comment I'm trying to leave on someone's work because, well, I think it's neat and cool and I want the artist/author to know it, but when I start typing my words look wrong and not genuine is a constant thing and I'm tired

and yeah, the worst is comforting people. my friend feels terrible, I can clearly see that and my heart is breaking for them, but I can never find a good thing th say. irl you at least can physically be there((maybe)) but online it's a nightmare

I was always told that words should come from the heart and I never got a feeling that was the case for me which just. i dunno what to do with this

hi hello! no, you're good, I have my ask box open for a reason and that includes venting n stuff like that, i don't mind at all!

yeah this is exactly what i'm talking about... like i have no problem picking up on things between the lines... but i always take too long to respond and by the time i think of something i am either too nervous or the window has passed. in my case, I know its because i have a "slower processing speed" than other people, which i've had since I was little, it's easier to think when i can type on a screen and be able to check if im making sense, but i don't do verbal stuff very well.

i've been in therapy as well, a long time ago, and i've been told i might be on the autism spectrum, and/or have add, but i'm pretty resistant to getting a formal diagnosis or even self diagnosing for some reason.

i think for me, and i don't know if this will help for you, i want to 1) get rid of the... mental block? filter? that my thoughts have to get through before I say something... because sometimes i come up with the thought, but don't say anything due to nerves. that'll help me get more thoughts out there and 2) get more practice with people... which is hard! i tried out both improv and drama club in high school because this is an issue i've been working on for a long time... it didn't really work, but i've learned that there are a lot of... scripts! that i can just use in a pinch. even if its just like, small talk and stuff, or if i don't have anything, i just turn the question on the other person and just listen!

i've been trying to make peace with the fact that i will probably never be as good of a talker as other people, but you and me brother we are probably just meant to be listeners... and nothing wrong with that... there IS stuff we can do to get better at talking, which i encourage. but don't get down out of reason for being quiet.

SORRY that got really long despite me not having alot of good advice but im struggling with it with you, good luck with finding something that works.. if u want to talk u are always welcome here, i enjoyed reading your ask!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

okai baisically

from 2011-2013 i was in a relationship w this guy who was. Well. he was just rly abusive in every way theres no dancing around it. he did this to everyone he was ever with. it was my first real relationship so it messed me up for a long time afterwards i could not trust again for many year

in 2019 i had no idea anything about him or his life but one of my good friends from back in the day told me they found his account & he was now like, an instagram famous tattoo artist. And looking at his page the majority of his clients were very young tiktokgoth type girls which freaked me out really badly knowing what he had done to me & others.

i didnt do anything about it however a week later it was still keeping me up at night so i posted about it on my close friends ig story just venting. another friend who works as a tattoo artist saw my post and was very concerned so she asked if she cld spread the info to other ppl in her community. i was like yeah sure go for it i dont wanna have my name attached but if u care enough to do that im sure its for the best

so she made a story post about it and for some reason it absolutey blew up within a matter of hours o_o it was kinda fucked but then, my ex started responding to it, and this is why i wanted to tell the story:

HIS RESPONSE WAS SOOO INCRIMINATING!! firstly he posted all these long winded paragraphs apologizing to his FANS that they have to witness all this, and how all his exes are evil stalkers out to get him because we r jealous of his success. clearly this did not go over well with people

Then the owner of the tattoo shop got in contact with me to ask about my experience. so we talked and he revealed that everyone at the shop had been suspicious of my ex for a long time because of some ways they'd seen him treating his current gf. so we talked more and went over some details, and he was like yeah im going to fire this guy..

the next day i get a message that when my ex got fired in person he had a massive tantrum and tried to trash the studio and they had to drag him out the door kicking and screaming

then my ex basically deleted his entire social media presence, remade a new insta account thats blank except for a 100 panel story highlight with posts about how cancel culture is evil and he is #1 victim of all time. its funny cus i actually agree that cancel culture is evil but like, yeah sometimes there are instances like this which is what its meant for

basically the point im getting at is that if he wasnt extremely guilty of all these allegations he wouldve just kept posting, found clientele elsewhere, continue making art, maybe faded away a little but like. it was his entire response, refusing to take any accountability whatsoever, acting like the victim, he cancelled himself!! its just funny. he's such a fucking moron

also it was rly telling how quick everyone in his irl community was to get rid of him, maybe that sounds mean but its like. they were already suspicious of him becuase he ACTS SUS!!!!! all the fucking time and the longer u know him the more unavoidable it is

ok last thing. people were so outraged about his allegations that everyone who worked in the tattoo shop did cover ups of his tattoos FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!! like, indefinitely, if u got one of his tattoos at their shop at any point in time they will cover it up for free. cus i guess he was rly that popular that everyone in london was tatted by him. Funny shit

moral of the story: if someones trying to cancel u and ur actually innocent, just keep posting. and do not write long winded manifestos about how sweet and baby and innocence u are. just ignore it and keep posting !! lol. Sorry if this is a dumb story. but its the only time i can think of where "cancelling" actually did exactly what its suppose to do

omg wait hold on i thought of another anecdotal tale to tell

[astrochiron]

the signs :: blond(e) // frank ocean

Aries- Solo (Reprise)

“After 20 years in, I'm so naïve I was under the impression

That everyone wrote they own verses

It's comin' back different and, yeah, that shit hurts me [...}

Was I working just way too hard?”

This is definitely a question any Aries has asked themselves before. They tend to work for work’s sake and often don't take the time to cherish in their accomplishments and, like Andre is referring to, they often don't pay attention to their peers when doing their own thing.

“So low that I am no rookie but feel like a kid

Lookin' at the other kids”

Aries, while independent and fiery, is still the first sign of the zodiac. The rookie, the novice, and kid can all be associated with his sign. Andre is equating himself to a beginner because he’s not certain if the music work works the way he thought it did when he first started.

Overall

The song represents the independence of Aries, even as simply as the name of the song being “Solo”. Andre’s personal offense to the way the rap game has changed exhibits an Aries’ stubbornness, not usually talked about; Aries aren't noted for their evolutions. The song also reflects on his hard work.

Taurus- Futura Free

“I'd say long as I could fuck three times a day

And not skip a meal, I'm good”

Must I explain? Why not: Tauruses love food, sex, and money; things that bring physical pleasure. Frank wants these daily and on a good schedule.

“I ain't on your schedule

I ain't on no schedule

I ain't had me a job since 2009

I ain't on no sales floor”

Taurus is known for doing things on their own time and with their own energy. Frank is asserting his financial independence as well as his freedom to do what the wants, when he wants, how he wants; and still make money: a Taurean dream.

Overall

Frank can now use his natural talent to financially support himself. Taurus rules our natural gifts as well as our finances and it just so happens that Frank’s former supports his latter. As for tone, he begins to cuss a lot about midway in the song, obviously venting his frustrations with people’s attitudes toward his success.

Gemini- Skyline To

“It begins to blur, we get older (Blur!)

Summer's not as long as it used to be

Everyday counts like crazy (Smoke, haze)”

Gemini is associated with youth and the flightiness of its ruling planet, Mercury. This verse captures that youth and the carefree spirit of a Gemini, as well as the changeable spirit of Mercury.

“This is joy, this is summer

Keep alive, stay alive”

This line captures the dichotomy of summer in Frank’s world; fun and deadly. While kids are off of school and the vibe is more laid back, the summer leads to spikes in deaths, especially in the urban Black community. Gemini can understand and embody both the dire and joyous sides to this topic, as well as most topics.

Overall

This song seems to be an exercise in steam of consciousness. It can be interpreted as the mental happenings during sex: observations about their surroundings, scatterbrained feelings and disconnected ideas. Frank is known for this but this song is heavy on wordplay, a Gemini's wet dream.

Cancer- Ivy

“When we both know that deep down

The feeling still deep down is good”

This represents the memory-based experience of a Cancer. They tend to experience their memories vividly and may live in them sometimes. Even if the relationship went bad, Frank still take solace in the feelings the memories give him.

“If I could see through walls, I could see you're faking

If you could see my thoughts, you would see our faces”

Cancers are very perceptive and, as such are able to see through he emotional barriers people place around themselves. Frank was saying if he cared to look through the other guy’s walls it’d be obvious that he was faking the love he felt. If the other guy cared to look behind his walls, he would have seen just how much he liked the other guy.

Overall

This is a very reflective, memory-oriented song. It’s bad reflection though, like things he should have done better in the relationship. All the Cancers I know love to stew in the memories of their past mistakes and brood. I believe Ivy is Frank’s song to stew to.

Leo- Godspeed

“I will always love you how I do”

Leos have very big hearts and the sign is even associated with the heart. Their love is powerful and maybe even eternal. It also demonstrates the individuality of a Leo’s expression. Frank will always love the subject, just in his own way. 

“I let go of my claim on you

It's a free world”

While Leos are often looked at as fun, joyous, and creative, it is often forgotten that they are one of the more possessive and intense signs. Frank once held a claim on this person, whether verbal or emotional, that he is now letting go.

Overall

Leos love to love. Leo rules the fifth house which includes falling in love and I think Godspeed demonstrates the most innocent (Leo) love; the unconditional variety. The song itself (see Genius) is Frank talking to himself as a child and Leo rules our own inner-child.

Virgo- Pink + White 

“Glory from above

Regard, my dear

It's all downhill from here”

This reflects the rather cynical view Virgos have. In his mind, the relationship has reached perfection, an important ideal for Virgos, and, as such, its only downhill from here.

“That's the way every day goes

Every time we've no control”

Another tenet for Virgos; constant and tenuous work. Virgos often may feel as if they are slaves to their sense of duty, playing the same routine daily.

Overall

Beyoncé provided backing vocals and Michael Jackson was mentioned; both of them prolific Virgo artists. The song also gives me “pure” vibes with Beyoncé’s vocals

Libra- Close to You

“I'll be honest, I wasn't devastated

But you could've held my hands through this, baby”

While Libra’s are associated with relationships, they truly just enjoy reciprocity and for someone to return their energy. For Frank, the break up didn't devastate him, as Libras are actually usually nonplussed. Frank probably did feel a little sad though, and was disappointed that the other person didn't seem to care at all.

“Just like mine, versions of these belong to you

After a while, they're keeping me close to you”

Much like Cancer, I find Libras sometimes let their memories of someone overtake the things that actually happened. Either way, their memories are all they have now and they are the only people who have them; very one-on-one and personal.

Overall

The song reflects on a relationship once it's over. It explores how the perceptions of the lover are brought up as subjective memories that you hold onto post-break up; Libras are big on perceptions. The whole song is a cover of a very love-oriented song “Close to You” by Stevie Wonder (A Taurus with a Libra Ascendant).

Scorpio- Nights

“Although you got beaucoup family

You don't even got nobody being honest with you

[...]

I don't trust 'em anyways

You can't break the law with them”

These lines suggest a deep level of mistrust, even amongst family and close friends. No on his being honest with the person in question and honesty (especially self-honesty) is a very important tenet for Scorpios.

“Did you call me from a séance?

You are from my past life

Hope you're doing well bruh”

Pluto rules Scorpio and both are associated with death. Though Frank is talking about someone being “dead to him”, it still evokes the same finality. Scorpios are very cut-and-dry when it comes to relationships, especially if someone has proven untrustworthy or non-loyal.

Overall

The vibe of the song reminded me of meeting a Scorpio. It starts off as a rap song with a wall up and with a point to make, but then turns into a vulnerable slow r&b track. This exhibits the evolution A Scorpio is known for.

Sagittarius- Solo

“We too loud in public, them police turned down the function

Now we outside and the timing's perfect

Forgot to tell you, gotta tell you how much I vibe with you

And we don't gotta be solo”

This whole mini-stanza makes me picture a Sagittarius and his potential love interest leaving a club at 3 am, likely high on some upper, and he’s spouting a whole bunch of romantic shit he doesn't mean and is talking loud and optimistically because he’s drunk. I clearly see this.

“It's hell on Earth and the city's on fire

Inhale, in hell there's heaven”

Though typically associated with Pisces, escapism is a scourge that plagues Sagittarius too. where Pisces may use drugs to mask pain and numb sensitivity, Sag uses drugs to escape reality when their optimistic views don't match the world around them. When you inhale, even in hell, you'll find heaven.

Overall

This song is big on loneliness just like “Solo (Reprise)”. In my opinion, Sag is the loneliest sign. Theres independent Aries and above-all Capricorn, but Sag is the lone thinker and the solo philosopher; their own ideas and problems keeping them company as the world shifts around them. Frank goes on a trip to his lover's city and is metaphorically and literally escaping being “solo” in number as well as "so low" in emotion.

Capricorn- Nikes

“These bitches want Nikes

They looking for a check

Tell 'em it ain’t likely”

Yes, Capricorns are money oriented, but that's not what I'm referring to here. Capricorn is the father of the zodiac ands s such, it places a certain level of responsibility on herself, allowing others to dot he same too. These people (likely groupies) are looking for Frank to buy them real Nikes and other lavish things but he isn't their father; it’s not looking likely. 

“We'll let you guys prophesy

We gon' see the future first”

The future is the most important thing to a Capricorn. Frank is saying that he’s gonna let the people around him hem and haw about the future while he is going to grab it by the horns and make his own. Caps really like control and really like being in the know so Frank would prefer to make the future instead of prophesying about how it may be.

Overall

This track concerns searching for fame and money without finding worth and meaning in it. The groupies, worries, and expectations are trying to bring you down. He also talks about how he is in control of his own music and destiny.

Aquarius- Self Control

“I came to visit, 'cause you see me like a UFO

That's like never, 'cause I made you use your self-control”

UFOs are definitely Aquarian territory. That aside, this line shows that the two of them were slowly falling apart. There seems to be a level of isolation in the relationship as well as a disconnection. Aquarians are quite literally living in their own world and, if you've not been granted access, you can't expect to form or nurture any connections. 

“Sometimes you'll miss it

And the sound will make you cry

And some nights you're dancing

With tears in your eyes”

This bridge reminds me of the emotional constraint that Aquarians place on themselves. Something as general as a familiar sound can make them cry because the wound of the relationship was never healed. Other times, you’re going to be fighting the sadness so hard, that even when you’re having fun, you can't get away from your actual feelings.

Overall

He wrote this song about a relationship where he and his partner were in different places in their lives. “It was mutual, it was just we couldn’t really relate. We weren’t really on the same wavelength," Frank said. Aquarians are rarely on the same wavelength as their peers and this is often the case of friction in their relationships.

Pisces- Seigfried

“Dreaming a thought that could dream about a thought That could think of the dreamer that thought That could think of dreaming and getting a glimmer of God I be dreaming of dreaming a thought That could dream about a thought That could think of dreaming a dream Where I cannot, where I cannot”

Let me know if I need to explain this at all because... wow.

“(In the dark)

I'd do anything for you

(In the dark)

I'd do anything for you”

This part of the song is repeated like a mantra and it exhibits the propensity of Pisces to give their all to those they care about. The “in the dark” line exemplifies the hidden and secret aspect of Pisces. When you have a Pisces in your corner, thy will literally do whatever for you and they’d prefer you give them no recognition. In fact, they may do little nice things fro you in secret, preferring to be a quiet benefactor.

Overall

This is another break-up song and Pisces is associated with the end of things. Additionally, nirvana (the state of hyper consciousness and spiritual connection with the Universe) is mentioned, which is Piscean. The whole vibe of the song Is dream like and, as mentioned above, many of the lyrics are associated with dreams, being asleep, and connections with God.

check your moon sign (for the song that makes you comfortable and puts you in your emotions), sun sign (the song that makes you happy and the one you ride around to) and venus sign (the one that speaks to your inner artist). the whole album is a no-skip™ for me. treat yo self.

[felicja-j]

so i’m annoyed stressed upset and every possible negative emotion ever plus i’ve had three cups of coffee and i need to rant so yeah, this won’t make sense, i just need to write my emotions out

art

it’s - obviously - something important and dear to me. i like the idea of being able to create, to put my ideas into life, to have no boundaries, cause whatever i imagine, i can draw that, there’s no impossibles and no rules, it all comes down to me

i guess i consider art as an outlet. if i’m feeling a certain way, you can bet it’s gonna somehow show in my art, some days more clearly than others, but it’s always there. whether it’s the theme, the colours, or sometimes even i clearly draw something explicitly happy or the opposite, just to let my emotions out. i don’t consider myself an amazingly creative or talented person, i don’t do well with symbolism or metaphors, so my pieces are pretty self explanatory and straightforward, but i don’t really care much, it’s an outlet

i’ve never been a very confident person. i know my own boundaries and i’m not what i’d consider “talented”. but, no matter how good or bad my art has been, i’ve always had a sense of pride and accomplishment when finishing something. the feeling of “i did it” and “i created this out of nothing, i can and should feel proud”

and then, i started sharing my art online

at first, i didn’t really think much of it. i just thought that i’m in a good enough place artistically to show my work to others. any feedback i got, i was incredibly glad and happy and thankful - i still am. it’s a wonderful feeling to have someone genuinely appreciate a creation of mine

but, i guess, over time, i started to inevitably compare myself to other artists. because their work looks so much better, and they get so much more attention, and everyone praises them while me? not so much. and that is incredibly selfish, but??? i think everyone wants to feel appreciated. if you spend a great amount of time and effort on something, you want to be told you did a good job, or that someone likes it, just anything. so, if anyone else does, and you don’t? you must be doing something wrong, right?

and that’s why this website gives me such, idk, anxiety, or worries, about what i do. cause, even though notes don’t speak of your skill at all, i find myself with a subconscious mentality of “if this thing has that little notes, it’s not very good is it” if it’s one piece, then okay, maybe it just doesn’t look good, i can try to do better next time. but if it’s a few, or there’s a visible downgrade in numbers, i hate to admit but i feel bad

i feel genuinely bad when i spend hours and hours on something, put a lot of effort into it, and then it gets little to no attention. i honestly don’t really care about numbers, it’s just that i’ve adopted the mentality that they speak of my skill.

i no longer feel proud of what i make. sometimes there come time periods where i forget i’m supposed to create for Myself. i’ve lost that somewhere along the way, i hate to be a people pleaser but i am, i want to create something that will be appreciated.

i know this comes off very badly, cause honestly, let’s face it - i’m not really good. there’s about a thousand ways in which i need to improve, which is why i hate the way i feel about it. social media is toxic in that regard and i hate the way i envy the attention i really don’t deserve that much.

all i honestly want is to get rid of this. to be able to post my art and still be proud regardless of how many people see it. i want to feel good about myself and about my art, to have a sense of accomplishment not failure.

lately all i’ve been feeling towards my art were negative feelings, and i don’t want that. i want to get this outta my head, it’s the only thing i’m kinda good at and i don’t want my passion to rely on numbers.

it’s something i need to privately work on, and it’ll probably be a long while until i can stop feeling bitter and hateful towards myself when seeing a drawing with just a few notes. i hate to make a post about it, cause i come off as unappreciative - the thing is, i really do appreciate everyone, every reblog or comment. it means a world to see someone excited about my art when i’m in tears about it.

the thing is, i have a nasty habit of being generally negative, and it’s something i need to get rid of cause it’s ruining my ability to create. my hope is that someday i can stop feeling bad just because that and that person liked but not reblogged my art so maybe it looks bad, or this only got ten notes, or this person gets so much more attention so maybe i’m just not good enough

this is in no way a “pls reblog/like my art it means a lot”, more like,,,,, a vent diary entry and just a post that i can hopefully look back at sometime in the future and be able to say that things changed and i’ve gotten rid of negative feelings and i look positive at my art and can honestly say that i’m proud of myself

[cashtonwoah-blog]

Ashton Irwin- Forgetting Kira

word count: 1.5k

Rating: mild swearing

Requested?: No this will be a series, please stay tuned for further parts.

The groovy pop tune blared out of the speakers as the screen projected the image of dark, mystical, futuristic city. Flashings signs advertising shake ‘n’ bake and munch time filled the lilac sky, air traffic roared as a aero-tram past by.  A petite cloaked figure stood on the rim of a billboard gazing at the television screen on the sky scraper before her, where an indigo-skinned woman with two pimple sized horns on her forehead presented the news. In her right-hand corner was the mugshot of a dark-haired women with stormy grey eyes and underneath her scribbled in capital blood red was ‘WANTED’.

‘You’re not allowed to be up hear” Announced a soldier on the roof beneath her. She could recognise he was a soldier from his six legs and two antennas, she despised ant soldier. She somersaulted of the billboard landing gracefully in front of the soldier. She pulled back her navy cloak to reveal her midnight hair and stormy eyes.

“It’s yo-“   before the man could finish his sentences identifying the mysterious women, she had decapitated him. She watched in amusement as his bug legs continued to twitch. The groovy music increased in volume as the girl’s misty eyes pierced the screen.  She began to dance as fought more and more bug-like men. Once the roof was clear, she opened the fire door ignoring the black and white sign alerting the maximum security of the building. The scene quickly changes as we now see the young lady popping out of an air vent and surprising a soldier by breaking his neck from behind. She twirls over his deceased body and faces the screen once more, her lips part as she begins to sing ‘Don’t you know baby? Only fools stick around when the love is all gone’.

We get glimpses of the charcoal haired women riding horses as she charges into a battlefield blood splattering all over her body, she climbs trees and kill tree monsters, we see her dancing with an enormous snake, pirouetting up and down its spine before proceeding to pierce her dagger in its head.

There is a bar filled with all species from flower folk to gill people, with a robot band performing and her singing lead. ‘Don’t you know baby? Only fools stick around when the love is all gone’ She hums and the screen switches back to the indigo news lady.

“We have an urgent message from the galactic post! All citizens must be warned. There are new episodes on Kira on Netflix streaming now” She announced in terror, as the Netflix logo appears, the youtube screen fades to black.

 “Wow” Michael uttered completely amazed by the trailer he had just seen. “Doesn’t it look badass?” Calum inquired, gazing at Michael and Ashton who had just finished watching the trailer on his phone.

“No, she’s badass!” Ashton said almost breathless, the kind of exhilaration he had only felt whilst running or arousal. “Right?! She’s hot too” Calum said, chuckling slightly as he threw his head back.

“Isn’t it usually animated though?” Michael asked, as he took a sip of the coke in front of him. “Hey! That’s mine” Ashton slapped Michael hand away, clearly annoyed by the blonde boy’s action. He clutched the can in his hand, bringing it close to his chapped lips as he debated whether to drink it.

“Yeah, it’s usually animated” Calum answered Michael question ignoring what had just happened. “But, I read something about the Adam Davies wanting the voice actresses of Kira to do a live action trailer.” He expanded.  Ashton sighed, he was still starring at the open coke can. “Just have this Michael” He said, shoving the can over to him.  “Thanks” Michael muttered, oblivious to his friend’s disgust.

“What’s her name?” Ashton asked, intending to follow the girl on Instagram. “Misty Kira” Michael answered abruptly. “They don’t have personal accounts. No one on the show does, I think its in their contract or something” He informed nonchalantly, before continuing to slurp on Ashton’s coke.  Calum and Ashton shot him looks of confusions, completely oblivious to Michael who continued to slurp noisily.

“What?!” He asked, the boys had finally managed to meet his gaze. “How do you know that?” asked Ashton.

Sinking into his black hooded Michael whispered. “I may have tried to follow her before”.

Three months had past, and Y/N had really felt the weight of starring in the Kira live-action trailer. It was one thing voice acting when no one saw her dirty blonde locks and sun-dried freckles. She wasn’t disappointing anyone as Y/N, but when fans turned up to her meeting opportunities or comic-con and her black hair was extra shiny and lifeless, the jig was up.  Her wig was visible and her grey contacts that irritated her eyes were a pain.

No one had ever said her dirty blonde locks, freckles and muddy eyes weren’t beautiful, although they had never said she was remarkably good looking either. Kira however, was beautiful, there were tumblr pages calling her ‘the ideal women’ and teenage boys aroused by her simply in animated form. y/n loved being Kira, she loved the excitement and adoration, but she despised how she felt like Kira was stealing her love. Who was left to love y/n, when the tacky wig and sterile contact lens come off.

“Kira, you have a private fan meeting at twelve today” said Mona.  Mona, Y/N’s personal assistant, was propped against her dressing room door, clipboard in hand as she observed Scarlet. “What are you doing?” She asked, meeting y/n’s eyes in the mirror.  Y/N starred at herself in the mirror, her eyes scanned her fingers twirling her hair and began to count her freckles. “y/n?” Mona muttered, her voice filling with concerned. Hearing her own name called had shocked Y/N since her manager Tony had banned the use of that name for branding purposes. Mona began to enter the dressing room, but the shock and concerned was short lived. y/n’s make-up artists came in bombarding her with products as they pushed Mona aside, whilst being suffocated make-up brushes she managed to blurt out. “Private fan meeting?” She asked.

“They must be rich” announced Jamie, whilst securing her hair.

   The meeting

Walking around backstage at concert venue in short black skirt and wig made Y/N uncomfortable, even if her navy cloak covered her ass. It had been over two hours and Y/N no longer cared to find out who had ordered a private fan meeting with Kira, she presumed it was some middle age pervert who probably wanted a ‘private show’ in a venue all to himself. She decided to ditch her team as she opted for the break room hoping to find a snack, she had missed lunch for this after all. The breakroom was empty, there was two old worn out leather sofas, a small coffee table and two vending machines. She discarded her cloak draping her leather sofa over it. She removed her wig revealing a sweaty blonde bun, her fringe was drenched and plastered to her forehead. She tossed the itchy black wig on the corner table as she approached the food vending machine. Her eyes settling on the pink walkers’ crisps as she typed in 1 1 4.  Nothing happened, Y/N typed the number again, again and again.

“For fuck sake!” She cursed, her hand slapping the glass. “Hello?”  Y/N whipped her head around so fast only to find a young man with brown hair starring at her.

“Umm Hi” Y/N whispered, embarrassed that the strange young man had caught her explosive rage. The boy smiled letting out a light giggle as he gaped at her, although aged almost twenty-four Ashton wasn’t immune to the charm of a mini skirt or a plunging bodysuit. “I don’t think we’ve met” He said, politely as he began to approach the vending machine which she stood at. “Oh I’m” Y/N words fell short, she couldn’t introduce herself as Kira, not with greasy hair and her signature black hair missing.

“You have” The young man paused. “uh” He swallowed, his mouth running dry. “nice eyes, I’ve never seen eyes like that” He stuttered, messing up his sentence. Y/N was scared, why hadn’t she tossed her contact lens too. “Oh, I know you” He said, his face filling with confusion.

The jig was up, he knew she was a fraud, he knew she was Kira and Y/N couldn’t bare to shatter another man’s dream. She couldn’t bare to have him realise that the perfect girl he had fantasied about wasn’t real.

“I’m Y/N” Scarlet huffed, her heart beating to fast to breathe. “Kira mega fan and sometimes stunt double” She said, giggling nervously.

“Oh! I knew you weren’t her” Ashton sighed in relief. “You don’t have her dark ringlets” He said smiling, before noticing Y/N smile fade. “Not that your hair isn’t nice” He said, trying to make her feel better. “It’s perfect” He said, reaching out to brush her fringe behind her ear. “and swea- shiny” He said, covering up his slip up. He brushed his thumb against his index finger rubbing away the sweat. Y/N had never wished to wear her black wig, until that moment.

Masterlist