#yeah; its called a fucking break??? I wanted a break you dipshit 20 minutes out of 4 hours is barely anything

[levia-kun]

when your german white boy friend just asked you if you can use discord in japan

and i just stared at the screen just...

not sure if this guy is just so out of touch or if he just idk

considering just cutting off our friendship because im starting to get annoyed by it

[meshtams]

Suppress

I didn’t know why I was even bothering. It was the first day of year eleven and I wished that I was still in bed. Its unlikely I’d’ve been sleeping anyway, but at least I could lay down. Somehow, I felt like if I laid on the floor of the hallway like practically every fibre of my being was begging me to, I would have been kicked in the head by the chavvy year nines that, without fail, ditched the first class of the year.

           So, there I was. Dragging my feet across the shitty, beige tiling, my head down and my long hair falling over my face as I headed practically on auto-pilot towards the biology corridor, past all of the obnoxiously bright noticeboards that gave me a fucking headache.

            When I finally reached my classroom after what felt like hours, I flopped down next to my best friend, Georgie. Well, actually, Georgie was my only friend, but he was still the best.

           “Apparently we’ve got a new teacher, mate.” His voice was as warm and cheerful as always.

           “Hopefully they’ll be less of a prick than Miss Morrigan then, yeah?” I folded my arms on the desk and dropped my head onto them.

           “To be fair, a mass murderer would probably be less of a prick than Morrigan, so the bar isn’t exactly high.” He laughed.

           “Hm, that’d be cool though, to have a mass murderer for a teacher, don’t you think?” my voice was barely more than a mumble and my eyes were squeezed closed.

           “Sure, Mal.” He would probably have said more if not for the sudden slam of books on the front table.

           “RIGHT!” I jumped and almost fell off my seat, my head snapping up violently to look at the teacher. He was tall and skinny, with sallow skin and greying brown hair, and for some reason I couldn’t put my finger on he seemed oddly… familiar. Like he looked like someone I knew, but I was almost certain I’d never met anyone who looked like him before.

I shook my head and turned to Georgie. “Dude, does he look really familiar to you or am I just going nuts?”

“You’ve been nuts for years, Mal.” He smirked bemusedly.

I sniggered. The citalopram and propranolol in my backpack would definitely agree with him there. “Yeah, but, like, more than normal.”

“Nah, man, he looks like that guy who used to babysit you. Your dad’s friend.” I was confused.

“Who?”

“I dunno, he watched you when your parents were at work or away or whatever. I saw him pick you up from school a few times.”

I drew a blank. “When?”

“Man, I don’t know. Like, year 4? Year 5? I just remember I thought he’d look like Snape if he grew his hair out.” He laughed to himself.

“Boys!” The new teacher was suddenly stood right in front of our desk.

“Yes, sir?” Georgie turned on his most charming smile.

“If you want to gossip liked middle-aged women, do it OUTSIDE of my classroom, understood?” We both nodded- clearly, he was going to be almost as bad as Morrigan, and we didn’t even know his name yet. “What are your two’s names?” He looked down his nose sternly at us.

“Georgie Smith, sir.”

“Mallory Hawthorne, sir.” I mumbled. I didn’t have the charisma nor, to be honest, the desire, to charm teachers the way that seemed to come naturally to Georgie.

“Right. Smith, Hawthorne, if I hear either of you speak again this lesson then you will both be spending your lunch break in detention with me. I could not care less about whether or not you listen, but I do not accept disruptions, understood?”

“Yes sir.” We replied as one, Georgie lively as always, me sullen.

“Good.” He turned to walk back towards his desk, addressing the class. “Now, as I was saying, my name is Mr Cresswell and I will be your biology teacher for the next year.” I started to tune him out, dropping my head back onto my desk and spending the rest of the lesson spacing out.

As soon as the bell rang to signal the end of class, Georgie was darting out of his seat and dragging me up by my arm. I groggily stood and allowed myself to be led out of the classroom and towards the gym. I groaned, realizing that it was PE next- I hated PE, because I was useless at anything physical and the teacher never let us get away with slacking off. Most of our teachers didn’t really care, but we’d been stuck with Mrs Swiftley since year 7 and we knew very well by now that she would not accept slackers.

“Leave me here to die, Georgie.” I crumpled to the floor, groaning again.

“You’re so bloody dramatic. Its just PE.” He rolled his eyes.

“Easy for you to say, you like sport… and moving…. And being alive.” I sprawled out on the now empty corridor as the bell rang, signalling the start of class.

“Get up, dipshit. You’re going to make us late, and I don’t want to have a detention on the first day back again.”

“I can’t go, I’m dead.” I murmured, my face pressed against the cool tile- surely school tiles shouldn’t be so comfortable, right?

“Mal, if you don’t get your arse up right now, I’ll call your mum.”

“Georgie, you are the worst best friend in the world.” I heaved myself up and made my way towards the boys’ bathroom; I always changed there instead of in the locker room. I’d not changed in front of anyone since I was about 8 years old, and just the thought made my skin crawl. I tried to push the door open, but it was locked. Why was it locked?

“Georgie, the bathroom’s locked, I can’t get changed.” I tried to keep the whine out of my voice but I doubt I was successful.

“Look, everyone’s gonna already be in the gym by now, just get changed in the locker room.” His face was painted with a look of pure exasperation.

“You change then go out and I’ll get changed once its free.” I walked into the locker room and sat heavily on one of the corner benches.

“Mate, we’re already 20 minutes behind, you just change there and I’ll change on the other side of the room with my back to you. Just hurry UP!” I could see that Georgie was getting irritated, so I just nodded.

“Sure, whatever.” I took a deep breath and turned around, starting to undress in the presence of another person for the first time in nearly 7 years.

 I was mostly changed, just about to pull on my t-shirt, when Georgie gasped. I turned quickly to see him staring at me. “Georgie, what the fuck?!”

“Sorry, I just turned to see if you were ready; where did you get that scar?” his eyes were wide.

“What?” my anger was replaced by confusion.

“The one on your back?”

“I don’t have a scar on my back, Georgie. Look, fine, I’m not pissed off with you, lets just go.” Georgie looked like he wanted to say more, but he seemed to think better of it at the last minute, just nodding and turning away.

The rest of the day passed fairly uneventfully; the most exciting thing to happen was the fact that I managed to actually fall asleep during lunch, leaned against Georgie’s shoulder.

That is, until I got home.

 “Mal, your Uncle Artie is coming to visit! He’s finally back in town, so he’ll be coming over for dinner tonight.” My dad greeted me as soon as I walked in the door.

I stared at him blankly. “Who?” I didn’t have an Uncle called Artie. There was Mum’s brother Jamie, and dad’s sisters Lorna and Sue, and Lorna’s husband Darren, but definitely no Artie.

“Artie! You remember Artie, he used to look after you when your mum and me were out.” He must have noticed my complete lack of comprehension, because he just huffed. “You’ll recognise him when you see him. He’ll be here at 6, alright?” I nodded and headed up to my room to shower and change. I smelled from PE and my uniform was starting to itch.

I was undressing in the bathroom when I suddenly remembered what Georgie said about a scar this morning. I rolled my eyes and leaned up on my tip-toes until my torso was in view of the mirror, turning awkwardly to try and see if there was anything. I was certainly surprised to see a large patch of skin down my spine that looked slightly discoloured- the texture looked to be the same as the rest of my back, but there were pinkish-brown spots that stood out starkly against my pale skin. It looked like a well-healed burn scar, but I had absolutely no clue where it had come from. Shaking my head, I pushed the thought aside, turning my shower on and stepping in.

 By the time 6pm came about, I had showered and changed into sweatpants and an oversized long-sleeve, and spent some time laid on my bed scrolling through the barrage of messages Georgie had sent; he sent at least 100 nonsensical messages about whatever his interest was that week every single day, and although I complained to him that he was clingy and irritating, I rather liked them.

“Mal! Uncle Artie’s here!” My mum called up the stairs. I dragged myself off my bed lethargically, pulling my duvet around me like a cape as I made my way downstairs.

When I reached the living room, however, I froze. There was a man sitting across from my parents- a tall, thin man, with pallid skin and dark brown hair with a healthy smattering of grey. He was laughing with my dad about something, but as he looked up and his dark eyes fell on me, my breath caught in my throat. The scent of cheap whiskey invaded my nostrils, even though I knew, logically, that there was no whiskey in the house- the smell made me nauseous so my parents didn’t buy it in.

I felt my chest heave, half a gag and half a gasp for breath as my vision clouded black and I began trembling. I couldn’t catch my breath no matter how hard I tried, and the last thing I saw before succumbing to darkness was my mum hurrying over to me, worried.

 My head felt jumbled. Brief memories of whiskey breath on my face, Artie’s cold voice telling me that I was pathetic. That I was worthless. That I was a mistake. The memories flashed too quickly to comprehend fully, but I got enough. Artie slamming my arm closed in the bedroom door, not quite hard enough to break it. Boiling water pouring down my back. Threats of having my tongue removed from my skull if I spoke a word to my parents. Even in the darkness I felt dizzy, thankful as the recollections slowed; not speaking for 8 months after one threat. Pretending it never happened, that everything was okay, that “Uncle Artie” was just as nice to me as he was to my parents.

 When the memories stopped and my eyes opened, it was to the sight of both of my parents leaning over me, my father with an anxiety pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“Mal, Mal, are you okay?” My eyes stung. I tried to open my mouth, to ask them to get him OUT, but my tongue felt heavy, swollen. I lifted my shaky hands and tried to sign to them, panicking, desperately clinging to the vague memories of signing I had.

‘That man hurt me, get him out.’ My mother’s eyes blew wide and filled with tears, whilst my father just dropped everything he was holding, turning and snarling at the man before lunging at him, dragging him out of our house and turning to call the police, whilst my mother held me close.

“What did he do?”

I pulled back to free my shaky hands. ‘Burn. Hit. Mean. Threat. Bad.’ I could barely force my hands to cooperate, let alone form full sentences.

“Oh, Mal, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry we never noticed. I’m so sorry.” She practically sobbed into his shoulder, clutching him close until the police arrived.

[geth-consensus]

I was hit with inspiration for a completely off the wall type of short story today. I just had to write it.

Club Smackdown

Rain poured down hard on the city. But the neon glow illuminated it, defending it from the darkness of the night. From her perch on the rooftop she rested on one knee watching the crowds swarming the high class club on the other side of the street. "Vermin" she muttered to herself. She could see even from up here the poorly disguised guards placed strategically throughout the crowd. "Heh. And there are the rats among the mice, time to make myself some Swiss cheese" "Stay focused idiot. You're not here to kill the fucking lackies, you're here to take out the big cheese." the voice in ear piece said to her. "Hey! The rat thing was my pun! Get your own fucking material!" she said furiously back into the piece. The voice simply scoffed in response with a "whatever" thrown in for good measure and went silent. She sat there for a minute longer gauging the situation before asking "You're positive he's in there?" "Couldn't be more sure of it. The club only has this much security when he's in." "So I can expect a hell of a lot more rats inside then huh?" "I'd be willing to bet on it sweetheart." Her lips parted in a feral grin. "Perrrrrfect" she purred. She stood up and drew her dual blades out. She leaned over the side and looked directly down at the pavement beneath her. One very obvious rat stood there, trying to be discrete in the shadows, keeping an eye out for trouble was he? Well then he was looking the long way she thought to herself as she stepped off the ledge and dropped from the rooftop.

Another pissant day he thought to himself, why the fuck was he assigned to stand guard out here in the rain. What the hell were they guarding against anyway? He didn't care. What he did care about was the fact the crowd kept bustling him around and was starting to make him agitated. He really could do with shooting something right about now...

The sudden wail of a high pitched scream from across the street turned his head along with everyone else, the boy stationed as lookout was gone, where he had been now stood a gorgeous blonde women. She was draped in blood. His eye caught something at her feet, it was what was left of the boy, who she had apparently cleaved clean in two as both halves lay on either side of her. 'Good' he thought with a smile, finally something to shoot at.

She didn't wait for them to react, charging forward absurdly quickly she slit the neck of a stunned guard, then another, and another. By the time the fourth one fell the others had finally regained enough sense to pull out there weapons and start shooting at her, paying no heed to the crowd of people who were all screaming and running around, all of which were clambering over one another to escape the blood bath. "HEY DUMBASS! EVER HEARD OF KEEPING IT DISCRETE!" the voice in her ear roared. "EVER HEARD OF SHUTTING THE FUCK UP!" she yelled back, slitting another three rats into giblets as she did so. Weaving between the bullets of morons who couldn't shoot for shit was too easy, boring almost.  They may as well have just been shooting the sky for all the good it would do them. She needed to jazz this up a bit, something with a little more flare was needed. Spinning the blade in her right arm around it wreathed itself in white flames and came back to rest as a silver shotgun. "Ahhh, Petal. That look is gorgeous on you" she purred to it. The gun vibrated in her hand, revelling in the delight of that fact. She raised it and took aim at the nearest cheese muncher, she pulled the trigger. White flames burst from the end with no discernible projectile. But that didn't stop the rats head blasting off its shoulders. "Nice!" she said. "Hey Thorn! You want in on this action!" The black blade in her other hand shivered as well in glee. A quick twirl later and she was now dual wielding twin death. "Real subtle..." the voice in her ear said with expatriation. "Subtlety never won any style awards honey." she said with a grin. She continued to make mince meat of the frankly pathetic security detail until the street was at last quiet, the rats inside must have had the much wiser idea of staying away from the magical gun toting maniac.

Placing Petal over her shoulder she walked over to the iron door that had been slammed closed over the main door and knocked on it with Thorn. "Yo assholes, open up. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but either way I'll be getting in there!" After a few moments it was clear she was not going to be getting a response. She sighed. "Now what genius," the voice cooed in her ear, "going to blast your way through solid metal?" "What now?" she replied. "Now we do things the hard way. Which just so happens to be my favourite way." she said with a smile of true glee written upon her face.

They stacked every bit of furnishing they could against the door and stacked up behind improvised barricades in a wide semi circle around the front door. He was panting hard, he had just managed to flee inside before they had slammed the door shut. That psycho bitch was insane, she had slaughtered a legion of men without breaking a sweat! But they were safe now! There was no way she could get through seven inches of reinforced steel!

The ground beneath them shook slightly as though a large vehicle was driving by and then stopped suddenly. They sat there watching the door, wondering what the hell that could mean. Suddenly a man popped out from a side room yelling "RUN! GET OUT-"

Whatever else he had to say would never be heard as the front of the building exploded inward as the gas truck the crazed blondie had acquired detonated. Those near the front were vaporised instantly, one unfortunate soul was splattered against the far wall behind the steel door, which to its credit had only slightly crumpled under the blast.

The survivors were still picking themselves up when, as they looked towards the blazing inferno of what had been the buildings front, they saw the silhouette of a figure standing there, a shotgun draped over her shoulder and the other hanging loose by her side. "Told you fuckers I'd be coming in." the women cooed.

"You're absolutely insane. You know that right?" the voice said.

"Bitch probably! But you can't have this much fun when if you have it all together!" she exclaimed while turning rats into corpses. They folded before her like wet tissue paper, it wasn't really even that much fun she thought sadly, even the shotguns couldn't make killing them interesting. "Why don't you try bare handed then?" the voice asked.

"And deny Petal & Thorn the joy of killing them? I couldn't do that to them!" she said incredulously. The voice simply sighed in response. "Just tell me how much further till I reach the dickshit alright."

"Well from what I can recall it's just passed the main casino floor, office at the back of it is usual hold out." the voice said.

"Hold the fuck up I thought this was a club! What kind of club has a casino floor!?" the blondie said like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"Apparently this kind. Just keep it focused dipshit. Reach him, kill him, then contemplate why the club has a casino."

"Fuck off bitch! I can multitask!" Blondie yelled back. She blasted her way onto the overview of the casino floor, kicking the rat in front of her through the balustrade and down onto a roulette table. She gazed down to see at least fifty guns pointed back at her. "Fuck this" she said spinning Thorn a rocket launcher and Petal into a flamethrower. Blood, flames and guts rained down on everything for a solid five minutes until at last Blondie was the last one standing atop a toppled slot machine.

"You know those weapons of your are really not very sporting, I believe the kids call it OP?" the voice said in her ear.

"Fuck fair! I'm all about winning bitch!" she said.

"Yeah I know but I-" whatever the voice said Blondie missed as she ducked under the crack of a whip sailing over her head. "Watch out!" the voice cried.

"Yeah no fucking shit dipshit." Blondie said. The whip belonged to a drop dead gorgeous women in a red dress with fiery red hair to match. She stood on top of a snapped roulette table and brandished her whip over her head. "And who the fuck are you?" Blondie said.

"I am your demise!" she said without further elaboration. A full five seconds followed that statement and then Blondie burst out laughing.

"Holy shit! Wow! I've heard some real fucking bad on liners in my time, but you just took first fucking prize bitch!" she said gasping for air. The outburst of laughter had clearly annoyed the red women, who had a vein pulsing in her forehead and her face had contorted into one of fury.

"Ugh, girl. You may want to tone it back a notch." the voice said.

"Or what!" she said as she started to sob laugh, "She's going to bring me to 'bring me to my doom' or some shit." The machine beneath Blondie exploded as the whip cracked it in half sending her crashing to the floor. Still laughing she rolled backward and stood up. "Oh my dear, thank you, I needed a good laugh today. You've really brightened up what was otherwise a rather dreary mission so far."

The ground beneath her detonated in a shower of material as the whip slammed where Blondie should have been, except she wasn't, she was already standing on an adjacent roulette table. "Well darling, thanks for the giggles. But I got someone to kill so let's make this quick shall we."

"Don't you dare underestimate me you harlot! I will destroy you here and-" she stopped mid sentence as Blondie was suddenly right in her face. How the fuck had she done that!? She had been at least 20 feet away not two seconds ago. It was impossible! But that wasn't even the most shocking thing, that was reserved for the full embrace of the harlot's lips pressing on to hers.

A full moment passed as they stood locked in an embrace. Then there was sound of a click beneath her chin as there lips parted. "Pretty good...but I've had better. Thank anyway Red." Then the sound of a shotgun blast was last thing she knew.

"Right can we fucking refocus?" the voice cried in her ear.

"On?" she asked wiping blood of her face.

"You know what idiot! The damned mission!" the voice said.

"Oh yeah! Right! The mission!" she said jumping from the table and walking over to the office door in the back of the casino. Ripping it open she found the room totally empty, except for a gaping great hole that led outside to a back alley. Sticking her head out she heard the screech of tires to her right. She ran down the alley to find a small motorcade of card racing away. "Motherfucker! Running like the punk ass bitch he is!" Blondie yelled.

"Well now what? You aint going to catch him running now are you?" the voice said. Looking across the street she spied a parked motorcycle, she grinned. "You haven't got the keys moron" the voice said.

"I don't need the keys" she said sauntering over to it. Raising Thorn to point at it she said "Start" in the most commanding voice possible. The engine roared to life and she mounted it slinging the guns over her back.

"Words fail me" the voice said with utter exasperation.

"Just role with it loser. Just accept that I'm that fucking good!" Blondie yelled as she reared the bike into a wheelie and raced off down the street after the motorcade.

That damned psycho chick! Twenty years of building an empire gone up in literal flames. Now he was going to have to start over somewhere else, a whole new country was what he needed now. A place to lie low for a while till he could sort all this shit out. His thoughts were interrupted by the flare of an engine somewhere behind them announcing its arrival. "Hey boss. I think that bitch is catching up with us!" the driver said.

"Then do something about it you morons! That's what I pay you for!" he yelled back.

A voice suddenly carried out from behind them, how it could be heard over the roar of the wind or sounds of car and bike engines is a question no one could ever answer. Not that any of those who could have asked it would live long enough to ever give the question much more thought. "Hey fuckos! Just hand over your boss and you can all live ok! I completely totally promise!" it said.

"Heh. She's delusional if she thinks that-" he was cut off her voice again cut over him. "Of course I'm being serious asshole! I always keep my promises!...What? I'm still projecting my voice? Oh...whoops." and the voice promptly went silent again.

She was coming up in the first car fast, the hadn't sopped do she assumed it was going to be the hard way again. She wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Tearing Petal out she blasted the back wheels apart and car began to screech and jerk wildly from side to side. 

Pulling up along side it she blasted the windows out killing whoever was behind them, a quick glance told her what she needed to know. He wasn't in this car. She accelerated away as the car span of to the side and collided with a lamppost in a spectacular crash.

"Come on dickhead. Which one is you" she said looking from car to car ahead of her. There really only was one way to decide it. " Eeny, meeny, miny, moe" she began to sing.

"Fucking really" the voice said in her ear. Blondie ignored it and kept singing. She settled on the car on the far right and raced towards it. But now the cars were responding, windows were rolling down and gun were pointing out of them. 'Hah' she thought. Like those were going to help them. They opened up as she approached the car as she jerked the bike around dodging them.

"Hah!" she yelled, "Like those are going to do anything to help you rats!" Her mirth was cut shirt as a stray bullet struck and burst her front tire. She was jettisoned forward from the seat and into the air. She somersaulted and landed on all fours on top of the car that had been ahead of her. "Fucking assholes" she said standing up and blasting shots into the roof. The car violently veered off towards the lead car ahead of it, as it slipped behind it she leapt on to it's roof and was met with a hail of bullets buzzing up through it.

They fired straight up as he hunkered down in his seat trying to take what cover he could. There was a dull thud from the roof and then the sound of sliding and then silence. Everyone in the car looked behind them, trying to see if they could spot her body. There was a tapping on the front window, they tuned to see her squatting on the hood of the car. "You rats need to work on your aim. Here, let me give you a demonstration on how to." she said levelling her shotguns at them, She pulled the trigger killing the driver and the front passenger instantly.

The car began to spin violently until it's momentum carried it over on to its side. It screeched to a halt in the middle of the highway. A door popped open and a rat started to climb out. Blondie casually sliced his head off as she sat on the side of the vehicle waiting for that to happen. Looking down into the car she was met with the barrel of a gun. "Dodge this!" a voice yelled and the sound of a shot rang out.

Blondie dodged it. Grabbing the gun she pulled upward, lifting it and the diminutive man it belonged too with it. "Ah! At last Mr Gator! I've been trying to make your acquaintance all evening! It's so nice to finally meet you." He barked at that and let go, he started trying to scamper away. "Ah ah ah. I've waited all night for this." she said throwing Thorn at him and impaling him through the gut into the ground.

"You know in someone's else's story they might now have a long heart to heart, or maybe a lengthy monologue about who I am and why I came to kill you. But we both already know why I'm here and why I'm killing you. So I think we can skip that part, don't you?" Blonide said grinning and sauntering over to him.

"Fuck you bitch" he said coughing up blood. "Who the fuck do you think you are!?"

"Who am I? I thought we already established we don't need to discuss that. But if you insist I'll tell you this. The only person I am that matters to you is who I am right now." she said levelling her gun at his head.

"And who the fuck is that then." he said.

"The blonde bitch killing you." She pulled the trigger.

[obaewankenope]

Day 18 of adhd meds

I got my own bed back last night because, honestly, was NOT feeling charitable enough to people to give it away for the night.

Had some symptoms yesterday and mood fluctuations as well.

I did a bit of cleaning yesterday but I REFUSED to clean the whole house again when there are three other people in it who do NEXT TO NOTHING.

Like, lol no, fuck y'all.

I did laundry and am pleased I got so much washed. Mostly looked after myself tbqh. I was gonna get a bath yesterday which I was looking forward to to relax and de-torture my muscles.

Instead I didn't.

Because my mother wanted one first and then, at half six, decided to rearrange her whole ass bedroom instead of getting her bath which she'd said she was going up for literally at 20 past six.

And she had the audacity to refuse to let ME get a bath when she was sorting her room because "I'm getting it in a minute" [literally TWO HOURS LATER] she got a shower instead and didn't tell me.

Accepting that she wouldn't let me get a bath first, I settled down to do some dog toy surgery on the worst injured ones. I ONLY did this because I was waiting for my mother to have her bath and tell me I could go get mine.

I was facing away from everyone and everything at the table, with headphones on, focusing on the stitching (because I am not good at it).

At half eight she came down and didn't tell me. Didn't tap my shoulder. Nothing.

I didn't check my time and at half nine was done with a particularly difficult toy to stitch. I check my phone as I'm suddenly registering hunger and dizziness from not eating much.

Bear in mind, if I don't eat regularly on these meds, I get horribly sick, so I HAD to eat.

I literally asked when she had her bath and it's a "half eight but I had a shower 🙃" [upside down smiley emoji].

Like thanks. Why didn't you tell me?

And instead of at least apologising to me because I'd TOLD her that I wanted a bath before 10 and she PROMISED she wouldn't take long in the bath herself and that I would.

Instead of that.

I got

"well you were the one messing with the dog toys"

Like I'd just decided to do that instead of ending up at that because I didn't want to do anything exhausting or really time consuming while I waited for her to be done with her bath.

Like I'M the reason why I didn't get a bath last night.

And gods forbid I actually express my upset at her about it. And gods forbid I expect an APOLOGY from her for breaking the promise she made and the fucking fact that she refused to let me get a bath while she was fucking around in her room.

So yeah. Today I planned to get a bath and was like "okay, I don't like getting baths in the day so I'll game for a little while and do NO LABOUR because fuck everyone else today, they can put dishes away and hoover ffs, and then when it hits 7pm I'll go run a bath and enjoy".

Solid plan.

EXCEPT

For some fucking reason the BOILER isn't heating the water properly. Probably because some dipshit turned it on eco mode and the hot water temp right down.

So for the past almost two hours I've been in almost fucking tears of frustration with the hot water just JUST now getting hot enough for a decent enough time for me to GET THE BATH I WAS PROMISED YESTERDAY.

So, yeah. Very VERY upset today about this shit. About being made to feel like I shouldn't dare be upset at someone fucking denying me sth and then making it impossible for me to have said sth after them because they just didn't bother informing me.

And brother didn't help. Acting like I'm being unreasonable because I called him out on not cleaning kitchen sides after himself when he makes something and like "well if you don't TELL ME then I won't do it" like YOU'RE FUCKING 33 YOU JACKASS AND YOU NEED ME TO TELL YOU TO CLEAN A SIDE?? OH, OH IT'S THE ADHD RIGHT? RIIIIGHT... YEAH, THAT THING I HAVE TOO RIGHT? SURE SURE. ITS NOT JUST YOU BEING AN ASSHOLE AND ASSUMING SOMEONE ELSE WILL CLEAN IT UP FOR YOU? WOW, I GUESS I'M WEIRD FOR CLEANING UP AFTER MYSELF IF I'VE GOT ADHD TOO AND CLEAN UP WITHOUT TEN MILLION FUCKING PROMPTS AND BEGGING AND SHOUTING MATCHES TO GET YOU TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING CRUSTY ASS UNDERWEAR OUT THE WASHING MACHINE YOU AIN'T EVEN TURNED ON BUT LEFT THEM IN FOR D A Y S!!! SURE.

So, yeah.

I lost my temper and still ended up being made to feel like I'm the unreasonable cunt in the house because HOW DARE I expect other people to be doing the same as me AT ALL even tho we have the same fucking mother who taught us how to clean up after ourselves but I guess only those with tits and a cunt need to REALLY clean up right?

Gods but fuck off everyone in this fucking house.

I just want to not feel like the bastard because I'm being responsible and trying to be organised when these cockmeisters wanna live in fucking filth and then go off when they register it like its not their fault in the first place (and when they try to blame it on me instead of themselves).

Gods this bath water better be hot enough to melt my skin because I'm so angry rn I need overwhelming boiling heat to distract myself.

I'm starting a new chain for tracking the days on adhd meds because the original got very long. I also know how to do a readmore on mobile now (put in :readmore: and hit enter) so Fear Me.

.

Day 17 of adhd meds

I slept on the sofa last night and had a lot of burpies from eating late and not as well as I probably should on these meds. I also didn't take my pain meds as regularly as I should have yesterday considering how active I was. I am regretting it today.

My fingers are claws.

[rest under readmore]

My ankles were so swollen last because I changed footwear to flats from my trainers in the house after cleaning the dog poop in the garden and damn but I should have just kept the trainers on and cleaned the soles.

No cushioning for the shock impact of walking = P A I N.

Even pain meds didn't help. Had to elevate my feet and suffer until they deswelled enough to hurt less. Also pulled a muscle in my back again.

I will have the most relaxing bath today even if it kills me.

Or someone else in this house, I'm not picky.

I have some jobs to do today that I shouldn't ignore, like dishes and making some dinner for everyone, but I kinda just wanna curl up on the sofa and hibernate or game.

I want to decorate actually but don't have the paint supplies currently and also with several people in the house, I can't paint until they're asleep or out for hours because they get in the way and stress me out.

Usually I like to wake up around 6 and take my adhd meds and first round of painkillers, then go back to sleep for an hour or two so they all kick in when I get up properly and can just go. I didn't sleep well last night however and thus didn't get to do the routine I've started developing on the adhd meds.

Instead I woke around 11:30am and took my meds after that so I'm not super active yet. Unfortunately, the one side effect I hate with a passion is rearing its head now because I didn't take the meds and go back to sleep.

Burpies.

From the lactose on the adhd meds.

Damn.

I'll need to eat to reduce the burpies and pain I get from the lactose in my stomach because of lactose intolerance ffs. But that requires moving and until my pain meds kick in, that isn't happening.

So instead I burp and lament life.

I had to sleep on the sofa last night, you see, because I offered my bed to my mother. She has her own bed but its a single and she doesn't like it because of the way the bed is against the wall, so she usually sleeps on the sofa downstairs.

She actually sleeps well on said sofa which I have no idea how she does it because I spent the entire night aware of everything even with earplugs and eye mask.

So yeah, I slept downstairs and managed like two hours of actual sleep and the rest of Awkward Awareness Of The Universe As Though I'm In A Dangerous Situation And Cannot Afford Real Rest. That was due to the fact I couldn't stretch out properly on the sofa to be honest and, really, I should have slept sat up because that probably would have been comfier for me.

Oh well.

I need to sort a box of pictures out today so it can be put back upstairs out of the way. Its downstairs currently and only down here because I want to get some pictures from it of my middle sib and I growing up so we can make copies and send them to our grandfather and family that we've gotten back in touch with.

Also, there's a photo collage frame that needs pictures in it before its put up on the wall so.

Well, after the decorating is done.

Which, incidentally, this set of life on adhd meds will turn into a decorating blog because I have up to the 20th of December to decorate the lounge, dining room, kitchen, and hallway + downstairs toilet.

The decorating includes wallpapering which I've never done before and thus have to wait on others to do or show me how. Or my brothers fiancee might do it because she can wallpaper apparently.

17 days. I have seventeen days.

With fibro and adhd and all the other household jobs and working around other people and also my period which starts in 4 days.

Fuck. My. Life.

This doesn't even include the Christmas decorations that will be put up between the 20th and 24th either.

Kill me please and thank.

Or someone buy me a vacation now. For a mountain. Scotland is great right now. I'll hide there.