#yeah yeah dysfunctional tumblr ocd

[bomberqueen17]

pocket mans

so as you all know i got off a plane after midnight on thursday night / friday morning and spent several hours asleep, several more doing laundry and then found out i had to cross the state for a funeral. so things have been a mite hectic. i took the amtrak today, and the pokey mans were a lovely distraction for a bunch of it. i mostly couldn’t do much, of course, as PoGo is designed for walking and doesn’t work well at transit speeds, but I would occasionally check in-- here is a screenshot I took when I managed to stop laughing, of what it looked like as my little avatar sprinted madly across nothing in the backyards of the Utica/Rome region, because Pokemon Go’s maps don’t include trains so they had no idea how I was traveling at this speed not on a road.

cut for pictures

Note my hilarious totally-useless Magikarp buddy wildly trailing behind me, totally unable to keep up as I sprint at about 65 mph across this random open field. I tell you what, I could not stop laughing. [image description: a cartoon/computer game avatar of a skinny white woman in a straw hat and hiking boots {you don’t get to choose a body type beyond vaguely femme / vaguely masc, all thin} sprinting full tilt across a field; in the distance behind her a carp flops uselessly, mouth open and eyes vacant]

Even funnier, the train bridge across the Hudson River doesn’t appear in Pokemon’s maps database, so here’s how I crossed the mighty River-That-Flows-Both-Ways, with my useless Magikarp:

[image description: a rear view of the same skinny white video game avatar wandering over a flat blue surface in midair, the carp flopping vacantly around the same blue flat plane. In the distance looms the far (eastern) shore of the river.]

I did manage to fling a couple of pocket mans into various gyms-- the Rome train station is a gym that was at the time yellow, and there was one near the entry to the 33 in Buffalo, and one somewhere near Amsterdam. Go for it guys, I said, do some shit, don’t get Deliverance’d.

I got to M-L’s house and discovered that her roommate used to play Pokemon Go, pretty heavily, and stopped during the pandemic lockdown because she just wasn’t near any Pokestops and it got frustrating. I did eventually convince her to reactivate her account. She opened it up and remembered that she, a completionist at heart, had been methodically attempting to complete the entire Pokedex; she’s got about 900 pokey mans in there, mostly unique.

We went over to the farm for dinner and as I had thought, Farmkid was SUPER PUMPED to find out that I had Pokeymans ON MY PHONE. She’s a fan of the TV show and immediately ran to find me a book to loan me about them, and helped me go through and rename my best ones.

[image description: a small girl grinning at the camera with her arms out, holding an AR avatar of a Magikarp pokemon which has been virtually “placed” in the room she’s standing in]

Thanks to her my Magikarp buddy has been renamed from Failson, which was mean, to Floppiefins, which is cute. (She saw the Magikarp first on my screen and gasped and said in delight “Magikarps are useless” which was what I loved so much too.)

ok i gotta go to bed, tomorrow’s a long day with a lot of driving. we’re taking my mom’s car, and it’s me and M-L and Mom and one of my surviving aunts, and me and M-L are doing all of the driving.

(”I’ll do the driving down on long island,” M-L said, “in case you want to catch pockety mans there,” which is hilarious. She has never played the game but she has used her friend’s phone to catch pokeys while her friend was driving. she’s very familiar with the game. this is hilarious.)

I am expecting once my life is not unrelenting terribleness I will probably drift away from this mild obsession but at the moment i am so fucking stressed-out it’s been a blessed relief to just pointlessly hyperfocus on little digital guys in my phone. This is why I don’t game though, it’s all I can think about. So we’ll see how this goes.

In the meantime I only need two more Grimers to get enough candy to evolve one so stay tuned for further developments there. Also I caught about thirty Noibats today, including one shiny one, so. Yeah.

[thegayneurodivergentagenda]

pran autism anon here!!! hi friend!!

so i was working on a fic today and i started wondering about pran and his diagnoses. obviously, as of our skyy, his ocd is diagnosed. i figured his autism could also have been diagnosed at the same time, but since him being autistic isn't canon, we will never know. there's also a possibility of him being diagnosed with autism as a kid (in my fic, this is what happened and the reason he got his ocd diagnosis in his 20s is because he and the people around him kept attributing a lot of his ocd symptoms to autism), but a lot of his behaviours and his tendency to mask lead me to believe that he grew up undiagnosed and learnt all these masking methods as a defence mechanism. yes i spent my sociology class today thinking about pran and how likely he would be to have a professional autism diagnosis in my totally canon version of bad buddy which is basically exactly bad buddy but pran is canonically autistic and aware of the fact. as i was writing this i also realised it's entirely possible that he is autistic and just doesn't know it yet. so yeah i was wondering what your opinions on this were? if you've ever thought about it.

sorry if none of this made any sense i am tired rn

I wrote an answer to this but tumblr glitched and deleted all of taking away my entire dopamine spike with it.

But I'm here again, more prepared than ever to write my thesis: Pran probably was unaware of his autism, majorly due to his relationship with his mother and Pat.

The premise of my thesis is rooted in the ways high functioning autistic traits manifest in Pran have always been rewarded and/or neglected because of his relationship with both Pat and Dissaya.

Symptom: Executive Dysfuntion , ie, the inability to plan, monitor, prioritize, make decisions etc.

The Executive Dysfuntion that would otherwise render most neurodivergents paralysed for an amount of time they can not perceive, does little to influence both Pat and Pran. They are being run by the mutual dopamine release of having to compete. Having an external source of pressure/deadline/competition provides just enough dopamine to make both task initiation and cessation easier.

Thus, more often that not, Pran wouldn't be experiencing the executive dysfuntion in presence of Pat and vise versa.

This does bring up the valid tangent of Pran's dysfuntion being visible when he gets transfered. For that, I do believe, mixed with the stress of having to transfer, the anger and hurt of leaving his entire life, the feeling of unfairness triggering his RSD and the need to have to mask for new people would provide enough context for him to attribute the dysfunction to THAT rather than autism.

Specifically with dissaya, the inability to do anything would probably have been met by "you should try again" or "did the neighbour's kid get it?". Would there have been many instances where Pran let dissaya know that he's unable to work? No. Would there have been some instances instances? Yes. Would they have instilled a sense of shame for his inability? Yes, more than what neurotypicals feel for the same inability.

Symptom: "incompetent" social skills (I WILL DIE ON THE HILL THAT DSM 5 JUST TALKS ABOUT INCOMPETENCE BECAUSE ITS WRITTEN BY NEUROTYPICALS WHO THINK THAT LYING TO PEOPLE'S FACES IS CRUCIAL FOR THE CAPITALIST HELLSPACE TO THRIVE I HATE IT SM)

When it comes to Pran, when we first meet him, he's shown to be interacting with his group of friends, he has a very nice conversation with his family and he is the class president for fucks sake. How can he be incompetent amirite???

First of all, he isn't. No one with autism is incompetent. They just have a different dialect.

Second of all, the rules to social interactions and communication is something people with autism learn after being reprimanded for their dialect, which as Anon pointed out previously, leads to a lot of masking.

The crux of masking as a concept comes to this: lying to save yourself.

Pat and Pran learnt early on, beyond their neurodivergence, that they need to lie and manipulate their presentations to save themselves from their families. Their interactions were always ladden with the awareness of the careful line they danced around; of lies and safety alike.

What takes years for us to understand, Pran speedran through. He spent a lot of his time energy trying to find ways to communicate with Pat without getting caught or hurt. And because they both wrote their own rulebook, learning other dialects became easy.

Long story short, given that they lied so much to sustain a friendship they both wanted, their ability to mask was never seen as a burden. It's just another lie. Very little emotional toll because their narrative around it is part of the larger struggle: their family. NOT autism.

Dissaya and her husband played a huge role in setting the rules for Pran, but even more so, they probably rewarded him for being poised and better than Pat (and the entire ming clan) at being respectful and correct in his speech. Regardless of his own inability to understand and the complex layers of his interactions with Pat, Dissaya taught very stern rules he needed to follow.

His and Dissaya's relationship taught him the needed communication rules to mask effectively, his and Pat's relationship taught him to navigate the guilt and dissonance that comes from masking and lying around social situations.

(Idk if I was coherent enough to explain this but I really hope my point go across)

Lastly, the question that arises then, is do we even believe Pran had autism if he doesn't struggle with the major two symptom?

The short answer: yes.

The long answer:

Struggle is not a contingency for you to qualify for a disability. Struggle may be visible or invisible. The costs of a disability may be visible or invisible.

He also had the privilege of having a neurodivergent best friend/enemy from the day he was born. And the clearly defined social language tutor of a mother.

That being said, it's not that he did not struggle, rather that he was able to build his world to minimize the costs and struggle.

The reason I so throughly believe in Pran’s Autism is because of the ways his everyday life (and P'Aof) shows the invisible struggle.

His hyperfixation with the smilies that he's used to understand and deal with emotions (symptom: emotional dysregulation, hyperfixation). His rigidity to his mechanisms (symptoms: routines and rituals). His inability to prioritize smaller decisions like going to save wai over his pens being set correctly (symptom: Executive Dysfuntion). His self rejection around being a burden and hyperindependance (symptom: RSD, Shame). His inability to let go of something that hurt him deeply, seemingly little to everyone else but a core issue for him in OURSKY2 when Pat jokes about Pran needing him.

Most importantly, he embodied Internalized ablism, one of the worst consequence of high functioning mental illness/conditions. Because we're able to be productive (barely) according to neurotypical standards it's second nature to fool yourself into thinking your disability doesn't even exist (@honeysachet bb).

But it's every single time Pran tells himself he should just take one more workload and it'll be okay. Sound with stage props and dating the actor in secret? Surely that would not be too much ??? The way he chose to take up an entire shifting of house because he felt so fucking guilty about causing Pat inconvenience (I can manage an entire transfer again whatever do you mean?) The way he visibly deflects in front of his parents mentioning not to date Pat (or Paa).

It's the little ways in which he struggles, the otherwise cracks in his perfect picture that he learns to embrace later. But not until his after his OCD diagnosis.

Conclusion: Pran was protected from the worst of his autism's consequences because of his relationship with Pat. Pran internalized a lot of his disability and consequent abelism because of his relationship with his mother. His struggle with his autism was hidden but it still existed, inextricably linked from the epic highs and lows of his life.

[thebearsfrombeartown]

Literally cannot stop thinking about my man Sune taking in lost and abused children and raising them with love and teaching them to play hockey

Also that time he literally decided to turn the Beartown Hockey rink into a preschool because one of his adopted children kept running away from preschool to go watch hockey

[notabled-noodle]

I hope my last ask (adding to the delusional ocd ask) sent tumblr is being confusing idk I’m sorry. but besides that.. since u have adhd and are autistic I was wondering if u knew anything abt executive dysfunction, avolition, flat effect, and catatonia. (and also if u believe in a difference between avolition and exec dys… some say it’s that avolition includes not being able to do things u love while exec dys it for things that are like work and hygiene etc) basically! Both adhd and autism can cause executive dysfunction, autism can cause flat effect and catatonia, and other mental illnesses like depression for ex can cause avolition. Schizophrenia/spec can also cause these things. so my question is basically .. how does one differentiate what is caused by their autism/adhd/depression vs what is maybe caused by schizophrenia/spec since they are experienced in both? do they present differently in the disorders or the same? especially if one has delusions but not really hallucinations (which can be the case in schizophrenia/spec!). to be dx with schizophrenia u need two of the five main symptoms with at least one of them being delusions, hallucinations, or disorganized speech. The rest would be grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior, and negative symptoms. (Negative including avolition). and then that is also adding delusions caused by ocd into the mix. so then you technically meet this criteria but don’t know which symptoms actually belong to which thing. would ocd delusions be unique in the way that they are obsessions and also follow with compulsions despite being delusions? vs compulsions to the delusion not being present in schizophrenia/spec? is that the difference between the delusions experienced in each? also people have told me before that “if u can do something to alleviate the thought and make it go away then it’sn not a delusion” but ocd delusions get followed by compulsions which may help but not cease the delusion to exist? and it’s still a delusion?

this is very confusing I’m sorry but basically my question is that … when u have multiple disorders that causes similar/same symptoms what are tips on how to differentiate which symptoms come from each thing? and also if there is a difference between how those symptoms present in each disorder despite both disorders having those symptoms? I hope this doesn’t come of as asking u to dx me bc I promise I do not want to but that on u I kinda just wanted to talk? about this with someone? idk! get thoughts out and see if u have any thoughts on it as well I guess

And maybe how to tell if something really is a delusion or if it is not

I don’t feel comfortable saying anything for certain in this specific case, as I do not have schizophrenia or a schizo-spec disorder. I do have psychotic OCD, but yeah… I don’t feel equipped to get into the specifics of comparing a disorder I don’t have with a disorder I do have.

generally speaking, my advice for separating out symptoms is the following step-by-step guide

spend a couple weeks (or longer) journaling or otherwise keeping track of symptoms and traits

write a list of the most common/frequent symptoms you experience

write down or print off a checklist of each the disorders you think you have (or already know you have)

cross-reference the two lists, colour-coding the symptoms you experience relating to the symptoms of the disorders

if there’s anything on the list that could ONLY be explained by the disorder you think you have, AND you meet all the criteria for that disorder, you may have reason to suspect that you have it

if possible, take these lists to a doctor. especially with experiencing delusions or other psychosis symptoms… it is crucial that you make sure that there’s not another medical issue going on

it takes some time, but eventually it becomes easier to untangle what symptoms are coming from which disorder.

one last thing I wanted to say (if it helps) is that executive dysfunction definitely applies to things you want to do as well as things you have to do. it’s an issue with how the brain works, not an issue with motivation.

I wish you all the best in sorting things out, and I hope you find the information you’re looking for regarding delusions and schizophrenia

[robotsvalentina-blog]

Mental Health Project: Update [presentation]

On Monday (Nov. 6), we gave a presentation to the class giving updates on where our Mental Health project is headed. 

Following, are the main points from our presentation. 

1) Overview:

Avoid painting a picture or influencing others�� perceptions of mental illness

Create multiple interventions for people with anxiety

Promote good mental health, including possibly mindfulness

Address crisis situations if they arise

Ensure the objects are accessible to as many as possible

2) Context

Mental illness is any of a broad range of medical conditions (such as major depression, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, or panic disorder) that are marked primarily by sufficient disorganization of personality, mind, or emotions to impair normal psychological functioning and cause marked distress or disability.

Mental health is psychological well-being and satisfactory adjustment to society and to the ordinary demands of life.

Mental health != Mental illness

Categories of mental illness: 

Anxiety disorders: Generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, specific phobias [our focus!!]

Learning disabilities: ADHD (disputed) , Autism spectrum disorders, Dyslexia, APD, Dysgraphia, Executive dysfunction

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): Contamination Obsessions With Cleaning Compulsions, Harm Obsessions With Checking Compulsions, Obsessions Without Visible Compulsions, Hoarding

Psychotic disorders: Schizophrenia, body dysmorphia, psychotic depression

Mood/affective disorders: Depression, bipolar disorder, cyclothymic disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, postpartum depression, Dysthemia

Eating disorders: Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, orthorexia, EDNOS, Disordered eating

Personality disorders: Borderline, narcissistic, antisocial obsessive-compulsive and paranoid personality disorders

Impulse control and addiction disorders: Pyromania (starting fires), kleptomania (stealing), compulsive gambling; Alcohol or drug addiction

Trauma “disorders” and Dissociative disorders: Post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD, Acute Stress disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dissociative Amnesia, Depersonalization Disorder

3) Our Design Process [check previous Tumblr posts]

Set of products informed by survey

Combined ideas (light therapy, diagnosis, affect, color) → biofeedback / light therapy device for anxiety

Prototyping light therapy device

Design decisions → questions about user needs → user research

4) Research

After we tried to design our product, we realized we wanted to do more research to better understand precedent work, our target population, what type of intervention we want to do, and how anxiety manifests differently in different people. 

Here are some of the existing products we found: 

Light therapy:

Light therapy for prevent seasonal affective disorder

Reactivity of heart rate variability after exposure to colored lights in healthy adults with symptoms of anxiety and depression

Bright light therapy for depression: A review of its effects on chronobiology and the autonomic nervous system

Mindfulness:

Efficacy

Visualization and Virtual Reality: 

Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy for World Trade Center Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

Virtual reality exposure therapy in anxiety disorders: a quantitative meta-analysis

Meditation in VR: Virtually mindful

The Virtual Meditative Walk: Virtual Reality Therapy for Chronic Pain Management

Use of Virtual Reality Distraction to Reduce Claustrophobia Symptoms during a Mock Magnetic Resonance Imaging Brain Scan

Juno: Virtual reality therapy for anxiety and pain relief

Other approaches/concepts:

Gamification

Research shows effectiveness of gamification on health and well-being

Habitica 

Flow: 

Concept

.Detects heart rate and provides light feedback

Sleep sound machine with ocean noises, white noise

Mindfulness and activity tracker

Measures breathing and provides feedback for focus and relaxation

Provides meditations and simple exercises through smartphone

5) Accessibility

An important question we raised while discussing our products, was how to make mental health products that are accessible to the people who need it the most. 

Inspired by this article: “Most Mindfulness Product Miss Those Who Need Them Most”

"The behaviours and habits that strengthen emotional resilience, improve wellbeing and help prevent mental illness represent critical skills that need to become normal for all, but product development driven purely by profit maximisation will continue to exclusively develop health apps and yoga mats for the middle class."

”“Evidence clearly shows that living in poverty brings with it poorer mental health and adverse mental health outcomes are 2 to 2.5 times higher among those experiencing greatest social disadvantage compared to those experiencing least disadvantage. Similarly, common mental health disorders, which affect 1 in 4 of us, start before the age of just 14 in 50% of cases - and 75% before 24.”

6) User Interviews: 

a. 21 year old Chinese-American woman with anxiety

Anxiety is highly individualized

Biofeedback may not mean anything

Different interventions for different people

Mindfulness isn’t helpful for her

This user would prefer:

“Panic Button” to get in touch with a specific person quickly

White noise machine

b. 21 year old white man with (social?) anxiety

Stressed how continuous upkeep of his mental health is important for him

Needs sleep and timeNo easy fixCrises are often caused by forgetting meds

Some are time-sensitiveNo gadgets seem to help besides perhaps a portable dosePill bottle is too big and “clattery”

7) Survey

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdIQRCHDuj99xaLX23IhrWYRvH0GKyWAGz2BIDOZnlQ7renJA/viewform 

Main Goal: learn about experiences of individuals with anxiety disorder diagnosis

About the survey: 30 Responses, Completely anonymous, People: Brown/RISD Robotic Research Design group, Project LETS group, Buxton House, Valentina's Venezuelan friends

If you were to use an object to control levels of anxiety, what would this look like?

Something creating a soothing tactile feeling perhaps

An interactive screen/lamp of some sort with soothing lights, bright colors, and the presence of music somehow within an immersive experience

A watch that reminds me to take it easy, relax, gives me instructions for a mindfulness practice. Small reminders are really helpful for me.

A system that identifies that I’m stressed and reminds me of the options I have to control it. This options could be previously determined by me.

Bed

Panic button

Mindfulness Sound Creator, watch that reminds medication

A button that facetious calls 10 important people in my life at once, I can see them all and they can see me back

Yeah, probably something pretty subtle on my phone

Watch reminding me to take my medication and an auto reminder to pause e.g. If my computer could stop and display a motivational or calming message every hour

Pills

Lamp with calming lights

Calming sounds!

Mindfulness app

Panic button then simple questions of how much energy I have, level of crisis, etc., then lists of what I can do (e.g. take a nap, eat —> if having trouble napping or eating, provide resources to address difficulties)

Mindfulness sound/ light dimmer

8) Further questions:

Intersections of race, class and gender with health, and specifically, mental health interventions

raising awareness

promoting monitoring your own mental health/illness

"mental health and eating disorders are for white + rich people" narrative

Religion's relationship to mindfulness

[fantabulisticity]

Oh my god, I DO THIS. I didn't think I had any executive dysfunctions because I have OCD and when I get Stuck I lump it in either with obsession or dissociation, but this. This is EXACTLY what happens. For me, making a decision doesn't help much because often it's the decision-making that gets me stuck in the first place (decisions are. SO. Hard. Ohmygod). But, shit, fuck. Wow. Yeah. This is EXACTLY it. Like, I've seen other posts about "my executive dysfunction makes me do this," and almost always I was like, *points fingers and snaps* "AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, I DO THAT!!! It fuckin sucks, right????" But because I don't have the CORRECT disorder, I couldn't have that, right??? Right?????

I also did this with dissociation for a long time. I was convinced it wasn't something I "technically" did because even though it LITERALLY HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE GODDAMN TIME and my ENTIRE YOUTH WAS DISSOCIATING, I have OCD, so I "can't" dissociate. I dunno. There's a lot of stuff in my tumblr circles about depression, general anxiety, adhd, and autism spectum stuff, but almost nothing about OCD, so while I relate SO MUCH, I feel like I'm not "allowed" to relate because I don't want to, like, I don't know. Appropriate other mental issues that I don't have.

I ALSO did this with being queer -- it took me so long to figure out I'm a bisexual disaster and not a Straight(TM) disaster. And I was so scared of relating to queer issues because I thought I Wasn't Queer. But it turns out, I am SO. SO. FUCKING. QUEER.

But yeah, I do this. A lot. SO much.

executive dysfunction is telling yourself for two and a half hours that you need to shower bc you smell like your workplace and you absolutely Cannot do Anything Else until you shower, doing Any Other Thing before showering is illegal!!! but you still haven’t for some reason??? you’ve just been sitting on your bed in a towel scrolling tumblr for 2+ hours thinking “I need to shower right now immediately” and growing increasingly frustrated that you are still not clean and you haven’t eaten or done your laundry either