#yeah this movie is a direct rip off this is just like pacific rim

[icterid-rubus]

Watching Pacific Rim for the first time since it came out in theaters. I liked it okay then, but all my friends were OBSESSED with it which sort of wore out the films welcome. Of course, now I’ve watched Atlantic Rim 6 times over and in comparison, this movie is hand crafted by the gods. Cinematic masterpiece on all levels. I was wrong to ever be apathetic about it. Artistic integrity is so sexy.

[televisor-reviews]

Top 10 Best Movies Of 2017!

2017, as a whole, was a pretty damn good year for film! Sure, it had a shit ton of crap, but I definitely think there was way more great films than terrible. Even the bad stuff, tended to have something likable about them (hence why there were mostly unfunny comedies on my worst of list). Meanwhile, the good movies, I generally really loved. I don’t think it’ll go down as one of the best years for film, but it’s a better contender than most. And these are what I believe to be the top 10 best! And keep in mind, even with the extra year, I still didn’t see everything: so as great as I’m sure The Big Sick & The Florida Project are, I never got around to them. For a comprehensive list of every movie I did see from 2017 (in order from best to worst), go here: https://letterboxd.com/animatorreviewa/list/every-2017-movie-ive-seen/

#10. Baby Driver In a few decades, Edgar Wright is going to be considered one of the best directors of all time. It’s going to be: Steven Spielberg, Stanley Kubrick, Edgar Wright. Baby Driver, though not as energetic as Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World nor as hilarious as Hot Fuzz, is objectively his best directing project. How Baby’s mind boggling driving goes along perfectly with the music he’s playing looks incredible the entire way through, never relenting & always exciting! And if this was all it had, it’d still be an amazing movie but not “top 10″ worthy. But it has Oscar-worthy performances from Ansel Elgort, Jamie Foxx, & even Kevin Spacey (a terrible person with lots of talent), a gripping narrative, & amazing looking special effects that’ll make Transformers: The Last Knight blush! If anything, the reason why it’s only at #10 is because, at the end of the day, I’d still prefer to watch Shaun Of The Dead... again...

#9. Coco Pixar has been on a serious roll ever since they got through their shitty phase. Inside Out made my 2016 list, Incredibles 2 is probably going to make my 2018 list, & even Cars 3 was way better than it deserved to be! Coco is Pixar showing that not only are they back & going to stay, but could make movies that should suck & yet is still amazing! Every dumb movie cliche is on full force in this: the family that hates music but it’s the main protagonist’s passion & his family just doesn’t understand, but through a wacky & heart-warming adventure through his family’s history, maybe they’ll blah blah blah blah blah... It even rips off The Book Of Life to a good extent! Yeah, this movie isn’t great because of its twists & turns. It’s great because even though you know exactly what’s going to happen from beginning to end & yet it’s still gripping, interesting, & fun with gripping, interesting, & fun characters that you’d want to run around a million cliches with! It was a blast to watch in theaters & definitely worth sitting through Olaf’s Frozen Adventure to see.

#8. Get Out I’m not even going to pretend like I know what it’s like to be black in America. It’s pretty clearly not something I will ever understand as I can actually hide my minority-ness. So, a movie like Get Out, as great as it is, I find generally pretty hard to relate to what happens in them. But I will say that Get Out, as a film, is absolutely thrilling, exciting, & at times scary. I was worried about this character & concerned about what he was going through; when things start not making sense, I’m right there with him! That’s what a good horror movie should do & that kind of horror is in low demand nowadays. Even It, a movie that almost made the list, didn’t engross or engage me as much as Get Out did! The directing of Jordan Peele & the acting of Daniel Kaluuya are on full display & only makes this chilling movie even more so! A great start to a great comedian’s great directing career!

#7. Gerald’s Game Though, as a horror movie, I find Get Out far more engaging & engrossing than Gerald’s Game, I do think it’s far better made with a much better basis, story, & acting. What I really love about Gerald’s Game is how it tells its plot. It’s not new to tell your story out of order (Pulp Fiction, Mulholland Drive, every Christopher Nolan movie), but very few do so as well as this! From the beginning, its unique & universally horrifying concept makes sure you’re paying attention & holds on to it with equally unique & universally horrifying events told in the perfect order to have it make sense throughout but not entirely so until the very end. It starts off on the perfect note & holds it throughout! Fascinating & universal, Gerald’s Game is the perfect engaging drama!

#6. Molly’s Game A biopic that doesn’t tell the whole truth, just how much did happen & to whom is the whole reason why I found myself intrigued with Molly’s Game. The great story told fascinatingly with incredible performances is why I love Molly’s Game. The film itself feels like a particularly great poker game: just when you think Molly’s up, just as quickly, she can fall back down. At the end, you’re just concerned if she’ll end up broke by the end of the night! And just like a great poker game, it’s hard not to get engaged with every little thing that happens in this film & it requires Oscar-worthy performances from everyone, especially Jessica Chastain! Incredibly engaging & engrossing, it’s the perfect movie for critics!

#5. I, Tonya I already praised Molly’s Game for how it tells its mostly true story, but I, Tonya is about a famously inconsistent story from & about inconsistent people. I don’t know why, but I find that everyone in this movie has their own stories & they’re probably all lying very interesting & it makes for a great story. It’s kinda like if you took every good element from every Alice In Wonderland adaptation & put them all into its very own movie. Like if the story itself had a couple of decades to edit itself into the best version it possibly can be. Add in the marketing of it maybe being true: taking all the intrigue of a “based on a true story” of something so outrageous while not feeling like it disrespects its audience enough to think they’d believe it. And it helps that its story is based on one of the most interesting parts of modern American history & it has 2 of the best performances of the year (Margot Robbie & Allison Janney). Put them all together & you get the 5th best movie of 2017!

#4. The Shape Of Water Beauty And The Beast is one of the most timeless & universal stories ever told, hence why there is so many versions of it. Everybody can relate to the idea, feeling, & fear of being neglected, ignored, & hated & for many people at many points in history, that fear was a reality. The original story is so universal, it can be read as being a peasant at the turn of the 18th century just as much as it can be about being gay at the turn of the 21st century & that’s why it has persisted for so long. The Disney animated film of the same name from 1991 was revolutionary for many reasons, but its incredible story is largely why it became the first animated movie to be nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. So, The Shape Of Water actually winning with this story is not only deserving, but it’s probably my favorite telling of the classic. Guillermo Del Toro had already made a name for himself by directing the critically praised Pan’s Labyrinth, the audience pleaser Pacific Rim, & creating the hit series Trollhunters: Tales Of Arcadia. The Shape Of Water is plausibly his most praised work & possibly his best work. The chemistry between the 2 mute leads is incredible & it becomes even more so after you realize that it’s all without talking! And that fact makes the villain seem even more villainous when every little thing he says is hate filled. And the amazing directing of Del Toro is what brings it all together, making it a worthy Best Picture winner.

#3. The Disaster Artist Another biopic with a possibly untrue story, The Disaster Artist shows that James Franco & Seth Rogan don’t need cheap sex jokes or obvious drug jokes to be funny. In fact, they can make a movie about an already obscure film that only nerds know about & can make a decent hit! Hell, maybe they can also get it nominated for a few Oscars & make it on my Top 10 list! I was ready to call this duo dead after The Interview made only obvious jokes, The Night Before was ungodly uninteresting, & Sausage Party was straight up unfunny. But The Disaster Artist brought a breath of fresh air, a movie for movie nerds & not just the kind that Google what really happened in the Infinity War comics. Ones that keep up with Nostalgia Critic & Cinema Snob because they’re still pretty big guilty pleasures & hope that they’ll eventually review Where The Dead Go To Die. The kind that already knew that The Room exists, love the fact that The Room exists, were immediately excited when Greg Sestero released his book, & were even more so when James Franco said he wanted to make a movie about it! I do my whole shpeal about how true to life the Franco bros. performances are & how great the directing was. But really, the reason I put this above The Shape Of Water & I, Tonya is because I’m a nerd. That’s mostly it! It’s not even my favorite movie about movies, that’s still Ed Wood.

#2. Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 Stepping back & looking at the empire & universe Marvel has created, it’s impressive & incredible just how huge & lucrative it has become. And it wouldn’t have become so if it didn’t have the films to back it up. When the first Guardians Of The Galaxy came out, it was Marvel trying to send the message that they can make a film out of one of their most obscure properties & not only make it a humongous hit, but also make it so good that it ends up on the 1001 Movies To See Before You Die list! And with its sequel, they pumped up everything that made the original great tenfold, added in some heartwarming moments to make sure you don’t leave the theater dry, & a much more interesting villain! And by god is Ego such a fascinating & engrossing villain, especially compared to the nothing of a character that made up Ronan. The way it covers its themes of family & parenthood is clever & amazingly well done. You’re right there with Peter Quill, wondering when to side with his dad or his best friends; whether or not a few good deeds redeems the torture of a childhood he had thanks to Yondu. And that kind of inner thought process is largely thanks to the incredible writing & directing of James Gunn, who is irreplaceable. Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 is now my 2nd favorite Marvel movie & 2nd favorite movie of 2017. #RehireJamesGunn

Before we get to #1, here are a few runners up:

Wonder Woman I didn’t realize it until after the fact, but 2017 was a really good year for superhero movies. Spider-Man: Homecoming was an amazing comeback for my favorite hero, Thor: Ragnarok somehow made Thor more likable, even Justice League managed to not piss me off! But, arguably, the most important of these was Wonder Woman which showed that not only can female led superhero movies make money, but also be very good!

Paddington 2 2014′s Paddington surprised both critics & audiences with its genuinity, heart-warming-ness, & immensely likable lead character, gripping everyone. When Paddington 2 came out, it immediately got 100% on RottenTomatoes, & that is a serious rarity. To the point where I first thought it was a fluke, like it got almost entirely middling reviews resulting in a 100% on a movie that generally averaged with 6/10s. Leaving the theater about 2 hours later, I can agree that it not only deserves that 100%, but it’s way better than the first movie! And I love the first movie!

Call Me By Your Name This was actually a really good year for Oscar nominated films. Most years, I don’t even consider most of the nominated movies because they tend to be a little pretentious, long, & boring. Which does have a place, just not the type I tend to watch a million times like the films I do put on my lists. But this year, my list is filled with Oscar winners & I actually wanted to include more like Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, Dunkirk, & All The Money In The World. I think Call Me By Your Name is at least more interesting than most of these if only for the background of being about 2 bisexuals, one being a kid. It can get a little pretentious, long, & boring but definitely worth watching!

The Meyerowitz Stories (New And Selected) Meyerowitz Stories is Adam Sandler’s stab at an artistic movie after nobody saw Ridiculous 6 & Punch Drunk Love continues to garner praise from just about everyone. It’s the beginning of a new kind of Sandler movies as he gets used to his new home on Netflix & realize what kind of movies that kind of audience wants to see. I really hope that he continues to make these kinds of movies in the years to follow!

John Wick Chapter 2 On the side of action movies that aren’t based on comics, the John Wick movies continue to be exciting, action packed, & most importantly, fun! I had fun when I watch these movies, which is something I don’t say about the darker side of modern action movies. I haven’t had this much fun watching an action movie like this since Die Hard!

mother! On the battle of is this movie pretentious garbage or exciting drama; nominated for both an Oscar & a Razzie; do I love or hate mother!... I actually fucking love these kinds of movies! The kind that makes no sense as you’re watching it but every sense after the fact. Movies like Black Swan, Mulholland Drive, & The Cure For Wellness. So I might be biased towards this kind of movie, but I loved it!

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi Talk about toxic movie topic, I also really loved The Last Jedi! I actually thought it was a clever film that completely subverted my expectations at every moment. I love that Rae’s parents turned out to be nobodies, it’s such an interesting twist on this build up & arguably the most daring take they could’ve have after the millionth fan theory stated that it’s Luke & Leia. I loved where it left our heroes, at their bleakest moment, paralleling The Empire Strikes Back! I genuinely loved this movie & I’ll admit, I don’t totally get what all the hate is about! But whatever, my list, my runners up, nyeh nyeh.

Bill Nye: Science Guy Here’s my documentary entry... & it was a hard pick between this & Jim And Andy: The Great Beyond but I did inevitably pick this one because Bill Nye is a personal hero of mine. I’m a science dork, I’m subscribed to ASAP Science, I grew up with Bill Nye. I find his journey fascinating, this documentary very well made, & I can’t wait for the next season of Bill Nye Saves The World.

World Of Tomorrow Episode Two: The Burden Of Other People’s Thoughts I really hope Don Hertzfeldt catches on with more movie nerds. Just between this, the first World Of Tomorrow, It’s Such A Beautiful Day, The Meaning Of Life, Rejected, & every other film he’s created, he’s easily one of my favorite directors. Making some of the most thought provoking & intelligent films I’ve ever seen. If I included short films, this would be a serious contender for #1! Please watch this, just the phrase “The Burden Of Other People’s Thoughts” makes this worth watching!

Loving Vincent Fuck! I didn’t even get to include the pretentious animated film of the year? This is the only movie I can think of where literally every frame is a painting & it looks beautiful! Throughout, you can tell the people making this are genuinely passionate about Vincent Van Gogh & that’s what really drives the movie. I also want to take this time to mention My Little Pony: The Movie, which is my “I love this animated movie way more than most people probably should” of the year & I didn’t even have room in the runners up for it!

#1. Logan Last year, I was running around looking for a movie to beat Captain America: Civil War for Best Movie Of 2016. Luckily, I did find it in Arrival but the reason why I so desperately didn’t want Civil War to win out is because it just didn’t feel right. A fun & intelligent film for sure, but mostly surface level in a way the Marvel movies are able to be. For 2017, I saw Logan in theaters & instantly knew it should at least be on my year end top 10. At first it was just #5, but it did eventually climb up as the more I thought about it, the more I loved it. Before long, I was battling whether or not this or Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 should top the list. And though I do think I’ve seen GOTG2 more times than Logan, at the end of the day, Logan is the objectively & subjectively better made film. The action feels dark but in a real way, like this could genuinely be someone’s reality like Die Hard or John Wick. But this is way more clever, intelligent, & interesting than those movies ever were. This was the last film for Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine & for his efforts, it was rightfully nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay at the Oscars. What a way to go out...

[mel-esor-blog]

Assassin’s Creed: The Movie Thoughts

Hey everyone so last night I decided last-minute to go see the AC movie since my college was showing it for free. I suppose I consider myself a veteran of the games, playing since AC2, and did have mixed feelings about the movie at first. But eh, I wasn’t doing much that night and they had free popcorn, so why not? But oh boy... I almost regret that decision now.

I’ll have the conversation I had in Discord with my bff @buttercreambear under the Read more below but in short: oh man was it not good. By that, I mean it could have been handled alot better. This was almost like The Room bad.

Mel: wtf is this music Mel: ok i know it's modern day scene transition but- LOL BIKE FAIL Mel: Assassin's Creed brought to you by the music from The Hills Have Eyes probably

Les: mel i want you to know i saw "bike fail" and immediately imagined desmond getting the hidden blade getting stuck in his bike tire spokes Les: fucking templars, etc.

Mel: creepy 60s music on lo-fi radio with dead person...... classy Mel: who directed this some dude who does modern slasher film remakes

Les: i can only communicate in memes now im sorry everyone

Mel: lol is ok les Mel: ok the color scheme reminds me of like saving private Ryan with the sandlot or something

Les: is it like that generic dark gritty cyan or something Les: i dont think ive seen either of those Les: and its all desaturated n shit

Mel: gotta sepia tone everything to show everyone it's the past huuuuhhhhhhgghhh Mel: "here lemme force my religion down your throat you filthy Assassin" Mel: ok so when was Abstergo a county jail in the South Mel: no no wait they gonna "kill" this dude THEN ship his body overseas to the REAL Abstergo facility in Europe Mel: much cheaper than putting him in first class Mel: memory flashback Montage™ Mel: wow ok this lady is annoying already Mel: "you're here to help me? you just told me I died and nobody gives a shit" Mel: #wherethefuckisVidic Mel: Cal pls punch this lady Mel: "prepare the animus" hoooo shit Mel: oh wait Glados I thought this was Asscreed not Portal my bad goodnight everyone Mel: "we're gonna pump you with a bunch of drugs and hope your memories will get sent back via DNA instead of a DIGITAL SIMULATION have fun C:"

Les: remember when the glados voice was in pacific rim

Mel: they have an mri monitor but no scanner????? Mel: this whole machine makes no sense and is totally unnecessary

Les: "according to this, medical things are happening"

Mel: "let's make him try and synchronize in the MIDDLE OF A GIANT BATTLE this will totally be successful" Mel: good God give this poor man a proper tutorial Mel: no like in the games you always kinda got a tutorial stage that was easy at first Mel: OMFG THEY RIPPED OFF EZIO'S STORYLINE FUCK YOH

Les: what even is the story in this movie

Mel: les remember what happened to his dad and brothers

Les: yea

Mel: "stay with me Cal" Mel: uhhhh don't you WANT him to synchronize with his ancestor?? Mel: that's like Rebecca slapping Desmond every five minutes while he's in the animus Mel: oboy chase scene that's..... meh compared to the games Mel: classic "shit we’re nearing a random cliff" scene Mel: "You did well, Cal" Mel: uhh he just kinda... got tossed into this shit that was overwhelming Mel: who's this old bozo that looks like a chemistry professor in an old university Mel: "my daughter finds the cure for violence" Mel: ye it's called don't let humans exist buddy

Les: more violets, i say

Mel: #recallingpasteventsbydates Mel: because this is a movie about history facts Mel: I'm just waiting for a mameshiba to pop up dressed as George Washington to churn out facts about the American Revolution Mel: how to design a room: one wall with a door, shoes, and a bed. that it. Mel: how to bleeding effect: rly spoopy real-looking person in half-assed reaper shroud Mel: basically- OMG actually it looks just like the hallucinations from Scarlet's aftermath shit Mel: lady: I know everything about you and your ancestors more than you do Mel: that's totally not creepy Mel: lady: and how does that make you feel? Mel: ok when was this a piss-poor counseling session Mel: from a character that has about as much emotion as Edward Cullen's lunch

Les: would that be blood

Mel: ok i can't even remember her name anymore lmao Mel: main girl from twilight Mel: don't eat the chicken Cal it's poison

Les: i tried to remember that guy's actual name and my brain was like "james patterson.... pat robertson... ROBERT PATTINSON"

Mel: lmao Mel: #randomapple Mel: "what the fuck is going on?" my thoughts exactly Mel: #how many times am I gonna fukin hear the song Crazy Mel: the 20/30s one not the 80/90s one Mel: #fightingmyinnerdemonswhichisactuallymyancestor

Les: ~just assassin things~

Mel: omfg Mel: #singingthefuckingsongbecauseim""crazy"" Mel: producers totally know how mental illness is -_-

Les: is it this song [x]

Mel: wait what....

Les: i just googled "crazy song" and that was one of the results

Mel: o I can't listen to it cause phone Mel: no its the Patsy Cline one [x] Mel: "the last heathen in this Holy War" Mel: HEY U KEEP MY ANCESTORS OUTTA THIS YE FILTHY POPE Mel: #tap B to struggle free Mel: ok new drinking game: take a drink every time you see Ridiculously Unecessary Animus™ Mel: ok who the heck choreographed the free running cause it's definitely not the same dude who mocapped it for the games Mel: too much fancyness to it Mel: "lemme just spam this back jump over and over between two buildings instead of climbing straight up" Mel: the heck was that random one second first person shot of a drawn bow?? Mel: ok id be drunk rn with that one game scratch that...

Les: i looked this up and what the heck [x]

Mel: stop phasing back and forth between the simulation and present time omfg!!!

Les: how did they get that from the game thing which is like..... 90% chair

Mel: I can't imagine how confusing this is to people watching it the first time sheesh Mel: WHAT THE FUCK Mel: he's seizing Mel: good fuckin job guys Mel: THAT IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE SOMEONE WHO IS HAVING A SEIZURE WTF Mel: now he's in a Jesus Christ Dunk Tank??? Mel: oh well awesome he's got lower limb paralysis Mel: maybe we shouldn't have suspended him from this wacky portal robot with a metal belt and probably some kind of fucked up needle jabbing into his spine for all I know Mel: cause I didn't see any wires or nothing on his face so couldn't have gotten brain scans from that Mel: that is.... the dumbest looking wheelchair omg Mel: #randomtaichimovesaloneinroom Mel: literal words from Fake Vidic™ : You've been desynching in the Animus... we need you to not do that. Mel: A+ writing Mel: "Do you recognize this?" Mel: that's a fucking drawer slide with a steak knife soldiered to it Mel: Imdeepain would be ashamed [aka this brilliant person here] Mel: he just like... pushed a button on it and it slid out with this terrible scraping noise Mel: moving parts don't need lubricant or a smooth polished surface right? Mel: this the kind of jackass that would go in dry I bet

Les: hgdsdffdg

Mel: Also plot: still searching Mel: Also when the heck did the goddamn Apple represent "free will" instead of "essentially endless power and omniscience" Mel: or more or less "maybe the real free will was inside us all along and we never thought to look outside of our stupid religious pact for answers or truth" Mel: "Hey kids let me whip out Webster's dictionary and mansplain to an Assassin what an Assassin is because my script writer doesn't know how to fucking write lines" Mel: also: You've heard of Mute swans, now get ready for Mute eagle Mel: THAT'S LITERALLY AN ICONIC SOUND IN THE GAME C'MON Mel: #secretcompartmentwall Mel: there's like.... a severe lack of targets in this movie.... Mel: and main focus is literally: sultan, his son, and this Catholic pope dude person Mel: omfg pls be fake apple Mel: random sandstorm?? Mel: or was that legit him using the Apple wtf Mel: ok god who did the lighting the asshole who worked on SH Homecoming I can barely see shit what's going on half the time Mel: shit i dont Even think I've heard the main Assassin say much if anything let alone really see his face? so far

Les: very mysterio

Mel: intense to the death battle Mel: rly dark chase scene Mel: some fire and stuff.... is happening? Mel: LMFAO HE DID A "LEAP OF FAITH" AND FUCKING BROKE THEIR TRASHY-ASS ANIMUS

Les: lol

Mel: omfg the leap of faith though Mel: they fucking like had him do stupid stunts in the middle of it before landing in the water Mel: like the dive moves you can do when you put on the goggles Mel: yeah. that shit

Les: o god

Mel: #unecessary Mel: Also I just noticed why the fuck is Cal almost naked wtf Mel: I guess I won't deny eye candy but lol Mel: yeah he's like done no training or very little of it doing summersaults in the "animus" but now he's as ripped as John Cena Mel: random escape scene with smoke bombs pulled out of god knows where Mel: OH NOW I FINALLY GET TO SEE Mel: they did a slowmo camera rotation and I saw they had like a fuckin huge butterfly needle thing attached on the back of his neck Mel: ok where the heck is everyone getting these weapons from Mel: some dude just had a sword... Mel: this is not how maximum security facilities would be.... Mel: crossbow???? Mel: you're in present day in an expensive facility why would you need that Mel: I think they just.... left Cal alone to experience bleeding effect yet again while all shits breaking loose in the facility Mel: WHY DID THEY LEAVE HISTORICAL WEAPONS LAYING AROUND HERE ABSTERGO YOU IDIOTS Mel: actually at first they legit just strapped two replica hidden blades to Cal while putting him in the animus like "this totally won't be a bad idea at all nope" Mel: #GETTOTHECHOPPA Mel: yeah Cal you climb that hunk of shit they call an animus Mel: also: breaking all the glass because I can't get injured cause this is a movie and it's all just sugar candy Mel: Also now we're in Notre Dame? Mel: omfg the apple looks awful and tarnished like it was made by a human and not idk an ancient race that we can't even comprehend Mel: looks like a giant animal just accidentally ate it and shit it out right on this churches doorstep and then one of the priests took it and half-assed cleaned it off and thought "nice" and put it in a crappy treasure chest.... SOMEWHERE cause they didn't even fucking show where they pulled it out of Mel: annoying lady during a supposed to be emotional scene: You lied to me. ._. Mel: and now, Fake-ass Vidic gives a Ted Talk Mel: ok you're telling me this facility had a breakout and they didn't do shit about it Mel: "oh welp just better let em all go they got weapons now ooOOoOoohhhdh" Mel: Lady: I can't do this Mel: Cal: (fukin dressed as his ancestor now) Yes you can Mel: Shia LeBouf pops in unannounced: just DO IT!!!

Mel: WHY IS THE APPLE FUCKING TINY. AND GREEN???? Mel: oh no I bet that's just the neurotoxin Fake Vidic put in Mel: it's like... the size of a small apple or baseball?? not even [This is what the apple technically looked like in the movie, all I could get was the toy prop but it’s pretty close]

[HIDEOUS. Where did you pull this from? Silent Hill’s asshole???]

[Here’s what it’s supposed to look like, all nice and pristine and slightly alien-like. Also slightly larger than an adult Male’s hand, the one in the movie however was at least 2/3 maybe even half this size. Pathetic. Anyway, back to the original review.]

Mel: GOD he even held it in this fucking pretentious asshole way Mel: lemme just stick it in a wine glass and garnish it in gold flakes you pompous crusty old excuse for a real character Mel: random shadowy figures on the roof At Night™ with the camera doing a slow cinematic 360° panorama Mel: what.... Mel: that.... That's the end??? Mel: ??????

Les: so how was it

Mel: 2/10 would not recommend Mel: 7.8/10 too much sepia