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notbigondoors · 4 years ago

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{out of equations} I am a little afraid that I’m being misunderstood because of how it appears I am running my blogs. The truth is, I am a shy, derpy potato, and I suspect I’m just coming across in a much different way than I wish to. Below is my attempt to clear some of that up, so that hopefully anyone whom I’ve inadvertently made to feel like I am ignoring them or don’t want to write with them can feel better. Thank you for reading, if you do, and otherwise I hope everyone is having a lovely day. =)

I don’t know if this is actually a thing or not, but it occurs to me that I may be giving people the wrong idea about my blogs. It’s been so for a while that I keep getting compliments on my writing/portrayals, but then so many of my mutuals never interact with me and eventually unfollow, or start threads and drop them after a few replies. Now, people are entitled to lurk, change their minds, become disinterested, lose muse for a thread, and/or decide they don’t like writing with me or feel that my writing doesn’t measure up to theirs once they start. That’s perfectly okay! I’m not mad, I’m not calling anybody out, that’s absolutely okay! Right now, I’m talking to any of my mutuals who feel intimidated by me, feel I don’t want to write with them because I haven’t reached out to them first, or feel like I’m basically telling them they’re not good enough to write with me because I haven’t started something with them. I want to take the time to say how wrong all of that is and to give you an idea of how I really run my blogs.

First of all, real life has not been easy for me lately, as I’m sure it hasn’t been for everyone, given various things going on in the world. Between what’s in the news lately, the pandemic, and a chronic illness of mine coming out of remission after 20-ish years, I am definitely not at my best. I am on many medications for my chronic illness that come with a shopping list of side effects that make me feel physically horrible on a daily basis, but also they cause brain fog. I’m legitimately having trouble remembering things, which means that starter I told you I’d write you and then never did? Yeah, I don’t hate you, and it’s not that I don’t want to write with you, I just have honestly forgotten I even said I would do it. Combine that with my Tumblr notifications not working properly and a large influx of new writers and interactions lately due to WandaVision, and I am really honestly forgetting what I’ve said to whom on here. Side effects of my meds also include insomnia (which I already had, so it’s gotten worse... yay?) which means I’m not getting enough sleep and that’s compounding everything else that’s already making it hard for me to keep everything straight.

In addition to that, I have very bad anxiety, of the kind that interferes with my ability to do everyday things. Social anxiety is a huge facet of my generalized anxiety disorder. Simply put, I am introverted, shy, and terrified of talking to new people, even online. Even messaging with people I know can sometimes drain me mentally. It is not that I dislike you, or that I don’t want to talk to you, or that you are bothering me. None of those are true. I just am not good socially. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do, and I feel so intimidated, especially with so much amazing talent on here. I would like to think that I am a nice and approachable person, but I rarely ever reach out to people. Liking a starter call almost gives me a panic attack. Sometimes I sit and stare at one for an hour, really wanting to do it, but then I think... well I’d have to put my url since all my active rp blogs right now are sides. Would they get mad that I’m not just hitting like? Is that already too complicated and they’d just ignore me? Yeah, they probably wouldn’t want to write with me anyway. Aaaaand I close Tumblr and never like the post, heh.

I see talented writers on here all the time, I read their really great, funny, interesting, harrowing, or exciting threads and think... I wish I could write threads like those. But I just lack the social skills to get involved. My anxiety tells me things that aren’t true all the time, like that I’m extraneous, people have their groups and I should leave them to have fun in peace because I’d only be bothering them. It is not my intention to always make others do all of the work by waiting for them to reach out, or hoping they write that first starter instead of me, or waiting for that indisputable starter call that finally makes me feel comfortable enough that yes, they want to rp with someone like me... it’s just unfortunately where I’m at mentally right now.

Time is also an issue. I work full-time online as a teacher for a university, I have about 160 students, and I have students all around the world in all different time zones, so my job is pretty much 24/7. I am constantly answering student emails, grading assignments, dealing with technical site issues, etc. Sometimes I really want to interact with new writers on here, but I don’t bother because I am afraid that my activity level won’t be what they want or expect. That’s a big reason why I haven’t been expanding my roleplaying to Discord or joining large rpg groups. I can’t guarantee activity. Sometimes I will be very active, sometimes I won’t be active at all... and I won’t always know ahead of time.

Anyway, this is a lot of rambling and I’m sorry for that, but I wanted to clear up any notion that I am aloof, that I am super selective and that’s why I’m not rping with you, or that if I seem to be ignoring you, I am. SO. NOT. TRUE. It’s a combination of my being too afraid to reach out, having health issues that make me very forgetful at times, and feeling like I have to hold back because of scheduling issues or a lack of free time. So... yeah. That’s that. If you’ve gotten this far in reading this post, you are sweet and precious and a wonderful human being. Thank you for taking the time to do so. If I said I would write you a starter and never did, please remind me. I am 99.9% sure the reason is that I just plum forgot. If I appear to have dropped a thread you really loved, please remind me about it. I may not have even seen your reply with Tumblr’s crappy notifications not showing up for me. And if you want to rp with me, I don’t bite, I’m not intimidating, yes I want you to reply to that open starter, yes I want you to randomly tag me in a starter or drop something into my ask box, I am honestly just a scared potato who really cannot Social™ well.

Wanda, Vision, and Pietro are most active right now. Please bother them. I have a leafling OC who is very adorable and versatile, I promise you. Please bother him. I also rp Gizmo. Please bother him.

Bother whoever you like, ask me questions about them, answer open starters (literally any of my blogs you can just search for “open starter” and they’ll all come up), and send in memes.

~ Silence, a.k.a. Si, a.k.a. Shy Derpy Potato, out. (^-^)/

#{ out of equations } ᵒᵒᶜ #{because things aren't adding up}#{and it's just occurred to me that i'm creating the wrong look here}#{with how i run things}#{my apologies... i hope we can start over}

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villainship · 7 years ago

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Interview Meme

[So I checked our email last night, but also had an epiphany about being able to see tumblr notifications on the “activity” page (I’ve never needed to do that on my personal blog) -- I found like 3 memes waiting! XD Thanks for tagging us, memers. Dani’s been crazy-busy/generally busier than me, but here is me answering on my own behalf~]

11 questions - Answer 11, create a new set of 11 for people to answer. (Zzz not tonight)

Questions from @oolathurman:

1. If you were in the zombie apocalypse and you HAD to work with other survivors, what would your ideal position in the group be? For example: the leader, the muscle, the medic, etc.

Lord help me. . . I need my meds so I’m doomed. :p Hierarchy-wise, though, I thrive as a Second-in-Command supporter/people-coordinator. I think. And according to my zombie survivalist pals my valued talent is gardening.

2. If you were going to be in a movie, what sort of genre of movie would you want to be in?

Fantasy. ANIMATED fantasy. MAGICAL GIRL ANIME FANTASY. -- When Lord of the Rings was released I was in highschool & used to fantasize about being an elf (possibly Galadriel).

3. What color would your lightsaber be and why? (rainbow/etc counts)

Purple! Because it’s my favorite. I’m that person who would outfit my entire house from www.thepurplestore.com if I could.

4. If you found out you had the Force and somehow immediately knew exactly how to master such a skill, what would be the first fun thing you do?

Jump up on the roof. Heck yeah.

5. Who is one character, in any form of media, that you always find yourself going back to think about? Who is it that you admire?

Ohh, tough. If I just stick to Star Wars, I’ll say Ahsoka. I don’t have to tell any of /you/ that Clone Wars was an amazing show. ;p Then I had an Edge of the Empire RP character who fervently hero-worshipped her as rebel inspiration, so that mmmaaybe rubbed off on me. (Tho Satine might have been my fav character in that show, I don’t often remember she exists because Leia & Padme eclipse her in a general sense)

6. How many pillows and/or stuffed animals do you have on your bed?

One pillow, one plush bunny from Dani to hug. <3

7. Regardless of the character’s moral compass, who did you always think looked the most badass and that you’d totally dress up as for halloween?

I’ve always wanted to dress as Princess Zelda. Or Link. Who are the GOODEST, most moral kind of badasses so that’s fine.

8. If you could just immediately know one language (or one dialect of a language, if it has multiple dialects), what would it be?

It’d be one of the forms of Chinese (after doin’ more research to fully decide). True fluency in French would be useful here in Canada (I know SOME), but I’d rather cheat my way to the most-spoken and very-challenging-to-learn language (which is very different from English). I’d appreciate the number of films I could suddenly understand.

9. Who’s in your favorite rarepair? (can be romantic/platonic/etc)

Well. As rare as I can think of: one time Dani stated that Vowrawn would strike up a relationship with Talos (who is MORE THAN FORTY YEARS OLD I don’t care what the SWTORpedia profile has to say). I am on-board for that charming gay concept.

10. What is one trait that you find that a lot of your characters have in common? (eg, courageous, stubbornness, etc)

I guess MOST of them are decisive/confident, actually. If I play-act with their attitude in mind, then I can fake away some of my social anxiety interacting with people in a Tabletop or an MMO. That quality applies to all but one of my SWTOR alts! Jedi knight, smuggler, commando, warrior, (planned) inquisitor, agent -- everyone except my consular, Arameis. He is the reverse: constantly dwells in self-doubt. Has zero self-esteem/regard for himself. I, uh, more-or-less invented him to express some personal feelings in early highschool -- then turned him into the goodest, most moral paladin, and fell in love with the charm of the combination. Incidentally, Dani and I name Link after him in our playthru of Zelda games. :)

11. If you had to pick one song from before the year 2000, what would it be?

. . . . . Prior to 2000 I knew only movie songs/musicals and the album Up by Great Big Sea. Which IS a good album my dad had but like-- my Christian parents just weren’t pop music fans and my older brother was almost no help either (although he did bring us Coldplay) and I had no friends!!!!!!!!! :)))))) *wipes sweat* Uh, so. OH I know-! Here’s one right on the millennium border which obsessed me completely. The opening theme for “the 1999 animated series”, Cybersix:

youtube

#about me: R #raikari post

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oftextmessages-a · 7 years ago

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Odd numbers for that question meme?

this is hella long bc i just can’t ever stop talking once i start so it’s under the cut and i am sorry to all u mobile users u don’t deserve this bullshit

1. Are there any characters in your fandom or faceclaims you refuse to RP with? Who and why?

not within my fandoms specifically, but it is related to musical theater; i won’t write w/ any muses from h.amilton, and it might sound a little petty, but a lot of it is that i really don’t like the fandom.

i don’t mind if individuals like the show or the music, even i used to listen to the album while i was working on music theory homework or doing other college things, and it is the show that got me hyped up about broadway in general, but i don’t like it when say, someone makes an informed post about how it’s problematic bc it’s anti black, and then a third of the fandom jumps down the op’s throat about how it’s not anti black and then proceed to total hypocrisy by claiming that op shouldn’t be taking the musical so seriously bc it’s a work of fiction, despite the fact that they take the op’s accusation just as seriously as anything else that was said.

as for other fandoms and faceclaims, i don’t really have any banned characters or faceclaims? i would stay away from actors and internet personalities that have been accused of serious crimes or blatant disregard for the well-being of other people, tho. so like. no pa.ul brothers or l.ena d.unham or anybody similar to them. yikes.

3. As a mun, what are three of your biggest flaws when it comes to being someone’s RP partner?

1. my insecurity. i’m so anxious about making a good impression but also trying to stay true to myself and just be myself but also be a better version of myself than i am bc i don’t think i’m that great by default and i just get in my own way a lot. so that prevents me from trying to reach out to my rp partners a lot of the time and i get worried that maybe they don’t actually want to talk to me or write with me and maybe they’re just humoring me or else maybe they feel obligated to write with me and i’m always stressing myself out over the concern of ‘oh god what if i manipulated them and that’s the only reason why they’re still writing with me?’ and just. yeah.

2. my second flaw is that i have a bad habit of procrastinating and i almost never get anything done on time either because i have intentionally procrastinated or i unintentionally got distracted. i’ve been trying to be better about it this year but so far? it’s not working so well. refer back to no. 1 for details on why that is.

3. i may be a writer, but i am so lacking in creativity, especially when it comes to thinking of original plots, or trying to do things w/ aus where two characters who canonly know each meet for the first time under different circumstances. i’m so bad at it. hence why i tend to stick with pre-establishing familiarity w/ characters rather than try to do the whole first meeting thing. which in a lot of ways is very counterproductive bc i know i can’t really get better at it if i never try, but i don’t want to subject anybody i write with to godawful writing.

5. Have you ever RP’d with someone simply because of their character’s faceclaim, even if you did not like their character’s personality?

nope! I’m aware of that being a thing that some ppl do, and i can understand why they do it, but i don’t think i have ever followed anyone who practiced any kind of face chasing and it has never occurred to me to try it.

7. List three honest flaws your favorite character has and talk about how those flaws make them problematic.

so alana has the tendency to be impulsive and act without thinking about how her actions will affect those around her ( i.e. putting the emails and evan’s note online without evan’s permission )

she also has trouble, even though she is hyper-empathetic to the lights of others, with relating to them in a way that is considered socially acceptable. i think that’s most apparent in her interactions with evan throughout the play. she starts talking about her own accomplishments or her own feelings before evan has scarcely finished a single sentence about himself. i doubt that she does this in any kind of malicious way, and i think it’s really important to differentiate between a character who is narcissistic and cares only for themselves, and one who is hyper empathetic and very aware of their peers emotions but has trouble relating their personal experiences to them in a way that feels supportive of them, like with alana

third flaw is kind of more just a personal observation than an actual flaw to me, namely bc i do not want to make any kind of blanket statement that resembles anything like ‘uh social media = bad’ or anything like that, but alana is so so so wrapped up in social media to achieve the validation she wants/needs, and i wonder about how that affects her offline.

9. What has been the biggest mistake you’ve made since you started RPing?

not having my blog(s) be selective or at least semi-selective in terms of who i partnered with, so i would try to write with everyone who followed me regardless. in some ways it was good and it opened me up to a lot more people than being private and selective does for me, but mostly it was just way too stressful for me to handle. i don’t want to be a control freak, but i need to be able to exercise some level of control over what i do and who i write with

11. What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to RPing?

uhhhh trying to police someone else’s blog if they’re genuinely not hurting anything by it is a big no-no to me. if somebody is having a bad time and wants to vent ooc, you should not be sending anon hate telling them things like ‘i followed you for your character portrayal not to read your ooc whining’ or telling them that no one cares or that they should get over it and get back to writing. i think it’s extremely disrespectful when people do that and it comes across like they really just don’t care that there’s an actual human being behind the things they want to enjoy.

and then i’ve only seen this maybe once or twice the almost whole year i’ve been rping, but i don’t like it when people try to start like…writer clique drama over nothing. so they say things like ‘um do you ever write with anyone or talk about anyone other than [name]?’ it’s not a crime to have friends who you talk to or interact with more than other people.

15. Without naming anyone, have you ever refused/simply avoided another RPer in the fandom because of things you’ve heard others say about them, or because of their popularity? If so, why did you feel the need to?

not that i’m aware of. i’ve seen mutuals call out blogs that they knew and were familiar with and provided evidence that said partners have done horrible things like manipulate their partners or defend and try to justify things that nobody should be defending, but i’ve never really had to go out of my way to refuse or avoid anyone bc they’re usually blogs for muses from fandoms that i don’t have a lot of interest in anyway

#Anonymous #long post //#tbt.#this is so LONG i've literally been writing it all day

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