#yeah the app is fucking unusable

[thegeekyartist]

I hate that every time someone asks about road conditions online it's nothing but hate and jokes. Yes we KNOW we live in an area that gets snow. Just fucking answer the question

[whathas4letters]

With the state of every platform and its mother trying to include AI in it, we might as well go back to library to find trusted source

[apatheticlexicographer]

BRO WHY IS IT THAT LITERALLY EVERYTHING HAS DECIDED TO FALL APART AT THE SAME TIME

[irascible-iridescent]

Hey if you write shit like just dont use old OS then go die. Nobody is interested in your stupid american opinion go suck a boot or something.

[punkshort]

Evergreen | Chapter Five: Acceptance

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: It's almost Christmas, so you take the time to reflect on your accomplishments while enjoying the peaceful life you've created with Joel.

Chapter Warnings: language, soft!joel, smut (18+ MDNI), unprotected piv sex, food and alcohol consumption, Christmas, so much fluff it hurts

WC: 5.1K

Series Masterlist

"Alright, try some of this."

Ellie set down her spiked hot chocolate on your kitchen counter and stood to take the spoon from your hand. She blew on the soup before sampling a small taste and vigorously nodding her head.

"That's fucking amazing, we should make that a regular item."

You grinned and tossed the spoon in your sink before maneuvering around her to reach the spice rack. Your new house was just a two-bedroom ranch and the small kitchen took some getting used to, but you finally made the rented space feel like home. Although when you and Ellie occasionally found yourselves crammed in your kitchen to test some new products for the food truck, you couldn't help but long for the beautiful kitchen you used to have.

"I think I'll add this and take off the turkey chili, it doesn't do too well," you said before turning to your fridge and scribbling something on the white board. It was close to Christmas and you had already introduced your cold-weather menu for the food truck, but you were always actively looking to make tweaks where it was needed.

"Sarah really likes the chili," Ellie reminded you.

"I'll make her a big batch and divide it up so she can freeze it when she goes back to school."

"Is she helping out on the truck tomorrow?" Ellie asked before picking her hot chocolate back up, then she wandered over to your living room to examine some ornaments on your tree.

"Yeah, she's helping all day. Joel's gonna get a kick out of seeing her on the truck for the first time," you laughed. You checked the time and turned off the burners before lifting the huge pot of soup with a grunt and setting it on an unused side of the stove to cool. Joel and Tommy's crew were working on a retail storefront and you had promised to stop by with the truck for lunch the following day. You had figured it was in a busy part of town and you were hoping to also capitalize on all the holiday shoppers.

Chicks 'n Chicken specialized in, well, chicken, as the name implied, but when the weather turned colder, you realized sandwiches just wouldn't cut it for the winter, so you began to add soups and stews to pair with your signature sandwiches like The Ellie, The Sarah, and The Joel. It was the first big idea you had when you finally took the plunge and started a food truck: every sandwich was named after someone important to you, including sandwiches named after Mia and Daniel.

At first, it was hard. Really fucking hard. Harder than you expected. There was so much to do behind the scenes: bookkeeping, inspections, keeping the truck and your machines up to code just to name a few. Joel was a huge help with the business side of things and you were eternally grateful for his insight. In return, you let him be your taste-tester, a job he adored and took very seriously.

Once you got the boring stuff out of the way, things got much better. You hired Ellie to assist you, and even her girlfriend Dina worked part-time. The two of them painted the truck these gorgeous, vibrant colors and helped you design the menu, and before you knew it, you were up and running.

The first couple weeks were slow and steady. You didn't expect to make much right off the bat, but you would have been lying if you said you weren't slightly disappointed you didn't do more business.

But then Sarah and Ellie came to the rescue, and your entire world changed.

They had clued you in to the latest social media app and helped you create an account. They must have been avid users because they always knew what was trending, which is how you managed to create a video that went viral overnight. It was the three of you doing some silly dance to a song you had never heard before inside the truck. When you watched it, you cringed and begged them to delete it, but they promised it would be a hit. And boy, were they right.

Just a few months later, you were closing in on one million followers. The girls kept your page fresh and relevant and if you were a lesser person, you might have been a little put out that your marketing degree essentially became useless when competing with two girls in their twenties who were apparently chronically online.

But you absolutely loved it. You were beyond thrilled you had been so unexpectedly successful so quickly. It was the best gift you could ever have received, and you told them so every time they pestered you for Christmas gift ideas.

"Your parents coming up for Christmas?" Ellie asked when she spotted a framed picture you had of them next to your couch.

"Uh... my mom is, yeah," you said, dusting your hands on the sides of your jeans as you moved around your kitchen. Ellie picked up on the tone in your voice and swiveled around.

"But not your dad?"

You shook your head and pulled out the biggest Tupperware containers you could find.

"No. He's not thrilled with some of the choices I've made," you told her, keeping your gaze focused on your work so she wouldn't see the hurt in your eyes.

"The food truck or Joel?"

You cleared your throat and shrugged. "Both. He thinks I'm investing Daniel's money in something where I'll end up failing and he is not okay with Joel being a few years younger than him."

"Shit. I'm sorry," Ellie said softly, joining you back in the kitchen. "That's fucked. But at least your mom sounds cool, right?"

"Well, she's coming around to it. It'll be her first time meeting Joel and I'm really hoping once she sees us together and how great he is, she can report back to my dad and maybe change his mind."

"Ha, no pressure, right?" she laughed. You grinned and finally turned to face her.

"You know what? I'm starting to not even care. Is that bad?" you asked with a guilty look on your face. But before she could answer, you continued. "I mean, I'm happy. I'm successful. Joel and Sarah are amazing. Should I even care if they agree with my choices or not? I'm an adult. I don't want to ruin my relationship with my parents but I'm not willing to sacrifice my own happiness for it."

"Hell yeah, man," Ellie said while toasting you with her hot chocolate. "You got the right headspace. Therapy is doing you good."

"Yeah, surprisingly, it kind of is," you said with a chuckle. An alarm went off on your phone and you glanced at it curiously before your eyes widened in panic. "Shit! I promised Joel I'd be over for dinner, I gotta clean up and get the hell out of here." You snatched your apron off and then your eyes locked onto the huge vat of piping hot soup on your stove.

"I'll handle it. Go!" Ellie said, waving her hands. "I'll lock up before I leave."

"Are you sure?" you asked, but you were already backing out of the kitchen.

"Absolutely. I'll watch some movie or something while I wait. Dina's working at the bookstore til ten, anyway."

"You're the greatest, Ellie, thank you!" you called over your shoulder as you disappeared into your bedroom to change.

"How is it you look prettier every time I see you?"

You giggled when Joel's scruffy beard scraped against the side of your neck, then melted into his arms when they circled around you from behind.

"Did you know you left the oven on? You're lucky you didn't burn the place down," you teased, tilting your head to give his lips better access.

"I was just takin' a quick shower, I knew there was plenty of time left."

He wasn't wrong. The lasagna he made still needed fifteen more minutes. Joel had actually gotten a lot better at cooking over the last few months. He liked to give you all the credit since he spent so much time watching you in the kitchen test new dishes for the food truck.

"And look at that," he murmured when he glanced at the timer. "Still got extra time. Any idea what we should do?"

"Are you looking to get dessert before dinner?" you asked, feigning shock. Joel chuckled against your throat before pressing himself against your ass and - shit, he wasn't joking.

"Been almost a week," he groaned against your ear. "Missed you so fuckin' much

"I missed you, too," you whispered before twisting around in his arms. You pressed your lips eagerly against his, getting lost in the familiar way you fit together. Whenever you were with Joel, your soul felt at peace. Everything seemed to make sense again and any stress faded away. But those things were difficult to explain to your parents without sounding insane, so you stopped trying, perfectly content with keeping the happiness he provided just between the two of you.

You blamed your weak resolve on the fact you had a stressful few days without him, craving the comfort only he could provide. That was why you found yourself less than five minutes later straddling his lap on the couch with your jeans abandoned somewhere on the floor behind you. Joel didn't even take his pants off all the way. He had shoved them down to his knees in a frenzy, desperate to feel you again after a long week.

The air stilled when you sunk down on his cock, the both of you too caught up in the feeling to remember to breathe.

"Oh, baby," he breathed, head tipping back to rest against the back of the couch. "Oh, that's it. That's my girl. There you go," he whispered, eyes glued to the way he disappeared inside you. You shifted and a small whimper slipped past your lips, pulling his gaze back up to you.

"How is that? Feel good?" he asked while circling his arms around your waist. You hummed and nodded before you started to move a little in his lap. You went slow at first while sharing deep, messy kisses. The hair from his beard burned your chin when he pried your mouth open wider, tongues swirling together amongst shared moans.

His big hands spread wide over your ribs, holding you against him to feel as close as possible while you slowly rocked your hips. He finally gave you a chance to breathe and broke the kiss, but then his mouth trailed down your throat and you held your breath anyway when his teeth grazed against the sensitive spot he made a mental note of last time.

"Missed you," he reminded you again as his lips ghosted over your collarbone. "Missed this. Missed feelin' this close to you."

"I know," you gasped, hands grabbing at his shoulders when he mouthed at your breast through your shirt. You started to move faster, encouraged by the delicious sting from his bite. "Fuck, Joel, do that again. Please," you whined.

He smirked and did the same playful bite to your other breast, cock twitching inside you when a low moan slipped past your lips.

"You like that?" he pressed. He loved it when you lost yourself in the moment, too engulfed with pleasure to hold yourself back. When he had you like that, you had no trouble asking for what you wanted. Your polite little filter vanished and you allow yourself to be selfish, to take what you want to make yourself feel good, and his chest puffed with pride every single time that you would choose him to be vulnerable with. You chose him to seek out everything you desired. You trusted him.

"Yes, Joel," you rasped. Your head was tipped backwards and your eyes had slid shut as you began to bounce faster on his lap. "Yes, Joel, I love it. I love it. Fuck, you feel so good. I can't - ah! - Christ, Joel, I love you-"

Time stood still with your words sitting heavy in the air. It took you a few seconds to realize what you said, then your eyes snapped open and you slapped a hand across your mouth in shock, hips freezing mid-air.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled, staring down at his surprised expression. "I didn't mean for that to be the first time-"

"But you did mean it?" he asked, stopping your muffled ramblings. Slowly, you nodded with watery eyes. He yanked your hand off your mouth and pulled you down for a searing kiss.

"I love you, too," he whispered happily against your mouth. His hips began to rock up into you, encouraging you to move with his hands firmly on your waist. "Keep going. Want you to come for me," he said with a grunt, lips still hovering centimeters away from yours. You nodded and began to move again, chasing the release you were moments away from tasting before you had panicked and stopped.

"C'mon, make yourself feel good. Take what you need, baby," he groaned when you bounced faster, breasts swaying underneath your shirt right in front of his face, teasing him. He lunged forward and pinched your nipple between his teeth right when his thumb began to work quick circles over your clit. You cried out his name, fingers clawing at his shoulders until he finally heard that content little broken moan and your release slowly trickled down his cock.

"Shit - gonna come," he growled. His hand left your clit so he could wrap both arms tightly around your middle, using you for leverage as he roughly fucked up into you. You had sagged forward, head resting on his shoulder while placing sweet kisses against his throat. You heard his harsh pants for air in your ear and smiled at the soft noises he made right before he stilled with a loud groan, pumping you full of his seed until his shoulders relaxed and he leaned back tiredly against the couch.

Your hand snaked around the back of his neck, turning his face towards you for a lazy kiss before whispering I love you one more time.

"I love you so goddamn much," he sighed, making you giggle. You pushed yourself up with a sigh, feeling groggy and satiated. You were in the middle of lovingly tracing the creases next to his eyes while he gazed up at you when the timer on the stove went off. You both groaned, neither of you ready to pull apart just yet, but the last thing you wanted was the smell of burnt lasagna permeating the house for the rest of the evening. With a gasp, you lifted yourself from his lap and turned to hunt for your panties on shaky legs.

"Go clean up, I got it," Joel said, standing and pulling his jeans up the rest of the way. You nodded and waddled towards the bathroom with your clothes while he tended to your dinner in the kitchen.

"So, you're comin' by the site tomorrow?" Joel confirmed around a mouthful of food. You nodded, only half listening to the television, your brain still blissfully quiet from earlier.

"Yep. Then after I'm meeting with this woman from the paper. They want to run a small piece on the truck, talk about the viral stuff, all that."

"My girl's gonna be in the paper?" Joel asked excitedly. You laughed, wanting to tease him for being one of the few people who still read an actual newspaper, but his support for you and your dream was so sweet that you didn't want to ruin it.

"Yep. Maybe even a picture, too."

"Well, damn. Look at you," Joel said softly, and you smiled at the tender look in his eye. "Gonna be famous. Can't wait to frame it. I'mma put one in my office at work and one here," he told you matter of factly. He pointed to the mantle, currently adorned with garland and christmas lights, where an old picture of him, Sarah and Mia sat, along with a picture of Tommy and Maria from their wedding day.

"I get to be on the mantle?" you asked excitedly.

"'Course you do. Woulda been up there sooner if we ever took a decent picture together."

"We take tons of pictures together," you began, but he quickly waved you off.

"And in all of 'em I look like shit."

"You do not! You look better than me most of the time with that goddamn smirk of yours," you teased, pinching his side when you added, "and you've lost almost twenty pounds."

Joel just laughed and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, taking your plate and stacking it with his before turning his attention towards the television. His thumb drew mindless circles over your arm and you listened to the peaceful, steady beat of his heart with your ear pressed against his chest.

Closing your eyes, you breathed deep and thought back on your life from the past several months. You had some curveballs thrown at you, sure, but given the circumstances, you were pretty damn happy with where you ended up: curled up next to the man you loved, listening to him mumble the wrong answers to Jeopardy amongst the twinkling lights from the Christmas tree.

"Howdy, girls!"

"Hey, Uncle Tommy!" Sarah called down from the window of the food truck. He grinned at her crooked black cap stitched with your company's name and logo on the front. Wild little pieces of hair stuck out from underneath, framing her face which was dusted with flour.

"Looks like you're workin' hard," he said, waving when he spotted you hurrying by behind her.

"It's crazy busy! We've been moving non-stop since we parked!" she exclaimed.

"Well, get ready, 'cause I just brought twenty hungry construction workers," he replied while jutting his chin down the sidewalk where his crew had been carefully walking around piles of snow that had been packed down and pushed around by the feet of holiday shoppers.

"Good timing, 'cause we just got through the lunch rush," she said before straightening up and turning to you and Ellie. "Hey, guys - my dad and his crew are on their way! Want me to drop some chicken in the fryer?"

"Yeah, toss in a tray of breasts and a tray of tenders to get us started," you said, wiping your hands on your apron before turning to Ellie. "And-"

"Yeah, I know, I got the bread out of the oven already."

You grinned and turned to give the three soups of the day a quick stir and did a quick check on the stock of paper products, confirming you were in a good enough spot to take on another wave of business when you heard a woman's voice call your name from the sidewalk, stopping you in your tracks. When you saw it was the reporter you had promised to meet with for the write up she was going to put in the paper, you felt your heart sink.

"Carmen, hi! We're getting another rush, I'm so sorry!" you said while leaning through the window to shake her hand. "Can I get like, twenty minutes?"

"Of course!" Carmen replied. "I have some shopping to do anyway, take your time."

You were in the middle of expressing your thanks when the truck was suddenly bombarded with Joel and Tommy's crew, their deep voices laughing and talking over one another while Ellie began to take some orders at the register. Before you got back to work, you spotted Joel and excitedly waved him over.

"Hey," you grinned as you practically hung half your body out of the window to grab his face and pull him in. He chuckled and leaned up to kiss you, his cold lips pressing against yours and urging them apart so he could slip his tongue inside your mouth.

"Hey! People are tryin' to eat!" Tommy laughed while playfully swatting at Joel's shoulder. You both laughed and pulled apart, too giddy and love drunk on each other to care.

"You're cold," you said after you pulled yourself back inside the truck. "Do you want some coffee?"

"Yes, please," Joel replied, eyes glittering with pride as he watched you move around the truck. When you stretched forward to hand him the cup, you winked and said, "On the house."

"How's the job going?" you asked as you worked on slicing up the bread Ellie had pulled from the oven. Tickets fluttered in front of you and Sarah gave Joel a big smile and wave when she dropped off chicken fresh from the fryer.

"Alright. Glad we're workin' inside today but place ain't rigged for heat yet so we're makin' do," he replied, taking a sip from his cup. "How's business?" he asked, nodding towards the truck. His eyes drifted fondly over the front where you had printed out the menu in huge letters. Every time he saw his daughter's or his wife's names, his throat tightened. You didn't have to name dishes after them, but you did. Practically insisted on it. It made him emotional back then and it continued to make him emotional whenever he saw it.

"Great! I was hoping to capitalize on holiday foot traffic and boy, did I."

Your eyes were glued to your work, chopping and slicing, making sandwiches and wrapping them in paper while scooping out soup from the huge vats behind you and bagging everything with ease.

You were in your element. This was what you were meant to do.

"Joel! Did you order yet or what?" Ellie called from the register.

"He always gets the same thing," Sarah reminded her with a playful hip check. Ellie rolled her eyes and stifled her grin.

"Oh, yeah, duh. You," she said, narrowing her eyes in your direction. You felt your cheeks warm and you smiled but kept your focus on your work.

"You don't always have to order my sandwich, you know," you teased him.

"Now how can you blame me when you taste so damn good?" Joel smirked from the sidewalk, instantly eliciting a groan of disgust from each of the girls.

"He means the sandwich!" you laughed, feeling all flustered and praying your embarrassment didn't show.

"Do I?"

"Joel!" you hissed with wide eyes as Sarah called him gross and Ellie covered her ears. He threw back his head and laughed while you shook your head with a permanent smile stretched across your face.

This is true happiness, you thought. This feeling could never be topped.

Once Joel and his crew ate and slowly disappeared back down the street towards the storefront they were working on, you washed your hands and checked your reflection before stepping out of the truck with your coat draped over your arm. You glanced around the now mildly crowded street, searching for Carmen and smiling when you locked eyes with her a few doors down carrying a couple shopping bags.

"Perfect timing," you said when she was within hearing range. "Thanks again. My boyfriend is working around the corner and brought his entire crew."

"No apology necessary," she replied warmly, then glanced around with a shiver. "Mind if we pop into this coffee shop? Shouldn't take more than half an hour."

You happily agreed and followed her inside the warm café, breathing in deep the scent of cinnamon and smiling to yourself when you heard the faint sound of Christmas carols filtering through the speakers.

Carmen wasted no time. She dove right in, asking you how you came up with the idea for the food truck and then segueing right into the viral video Ellie and Sarah created that got you such a cult following. You explained that Ellie was a friend, leaving out how you met for her own privacy, and how Sarah was Joel's daughter.

"I'm noticing these names are familiar," Carmen said with a smile.

"Yeah, I named sandwiches after important people in my life. It felt like a sweet way to honor them and express my gratitude," you explained. Carmen hummed and reviewed her notes, phone recording quietly on the table between you.

"May I ask, then, who are Mia and Daniel?"

You cleared your throat and gave her a brave smile.

"They're no longer with us," you began. Softly, Carmen murmured, oh, I'm sorry, while scribbling something on her notepad. "It's okay. Daniel was my fiancé. He passed away over a year ago from a car accident. And Mia was Sarah's mom."

Carmen nodded thoughtfully as she continued to write.

"Oh, so you knew Sarah's mom, too?"

"Well, no," you said, "but based on how much Sarah and Joel have told me, it feels like I've met her."

"That's sweet," Carmen said, letting her pen drop on her notepad. "And these sandwiches - do they reflect anything significant about the people they're named after?"

"They do," you replied while straightening in your chair. "I tried to make the sandwiches based on each person's preference. For instance, Mia loved spice, so hers is a fried spicy chicken sandwich with chipotle mayo. Which I find hilarious because neither Joel or Sarah can handle any amount of spice," you said with a soft laugh.

Carmen nodded and laced her fingers together.

"And how about the sandwich named after you?"

"Well, that was the very first one we created and decided should be on the menu," you said. "I hadn't even thought about names yet but the girls convinced me I should name it after myself and I guess they've got a knack for persuasion."

Carmen laughed and you felt your shoulders relax a bit, not even realizing you were tense until that very moment.

"Well, it's incredible, I must say. I was sneaky last week and got one for myself when you were out on Brunswick."

You gasped, feigning dismay and making her laugh.

"Thank you, I'm so happy to hear that," you replied with a wide smile. "It happens to be my boyfriend's favorite, too."

"Joel doesn't order The Joel?" she asked, cocking her eyebrow.

You shook your head and tried to forget his earlier comment when you said, "Guess not. But he helped design The Joel. In fact, he also helped with The Mia. Sarah did, as well."

"That's so lovely to hear," Carmen said softly, pressing her lips together and leaning forward. "I think it's such a wonderful detail, by the way. How the two of you came from relationships that ended in tragedy and managed to find peace and happiness with one another. And to honor your partners in this way is incredible."

"Thank you," you answered. Your chest warmed at her compliment. "Even though I never met Mia, she was important to the people I love the most, and therefore, she's important to me. Joel and Sarah feel the same about Daniel. Grief is a complicated thing, but I like to think I've found a way to live beside it."

Carmen smiled and dropped her gaze to the table. "That's so comforting and reassuring to hear. And an incredible quote to leave me with because it looks like our time is up."

"Quote?" you asked with a tilt to your head.

"I usually like to run a quote from my subject as my byline," Carmen said while she packed up her things. She began to stand and you stopped her.

"Wait - could I give you something else to put as your byline instead?"

She grinned and sat back down before pulling out her phone and pressing a button.

"Of course."

One Week Later

"You nervous 'bout your mama comin' up?" Joel asked, tugging you closer to his side as you walked up the snowy sidewalk.

"A little," you admitted. "But whatever she ends up thinking doesn't matter. I love you, Joel," you said, tilting your chin up to meet his eye. "I love you and nothing is ever going to change that."

He smiled and gave your lips a quick peck as you rounded the corner, closing in on the nearest grocery store.

"Well, back in my day, I used to be a big hit with a girl's parents."

"Oh, yeah?" you teased.

"Yep. They all loved me. I'm real respectful, you'll see."

You wanted to tell him to just be himself and to not stress about your mother's visit, but you knew there was no use. He was going to do everything possible to win your mother over and while you found it admirable he cared so much, you didn't want him to feel like he needed to make your parents come around. In your several talks with Ryan in therapy, you had come to the conclusion that nobody's approval was needed for you to be happy. It would be nice, sure. It would make holidays and special occasions easier. But nothing was going to change anything between you and Joel.

"Alright, now. Here we go," Joel said excitedly when the automatic doors slid open and you were met with a blast of warm air. You grinned and squeezed his arm while letting him drag you towards the newspapers and magazines. You both scanned the rows of periodicals before Joel spotted it first and grabbed the whole stack. He handed you the extras and eagerly flipped through the pages of the one on top before he paused with a slow smile.

"What? How does it look? What picture did she-"

You cut yourself short when you peered over his shoulder. Your breath hitched and you caught Joel's eye before looking back at the page.

Unbeknownst to you, Carmen and grabbed a quick shot of you leaning out of the food truck to kiss Joel. You were both smiling as snow lightly fell around you, the background highlighted by twinkling Christmas lights and laughing holiday shoppers. It looked like a photograph straight out of a movie: two people finding a quick moment for love in the midst of a busy street.

"You think that's a good enough picture of the two of us?" you asked, looking up at him adoringly, but his focus was on the byline. His eyes kept scanning the words over and over until you swore you saw tears begin to cloud his vision.

"You like it?" you found yourself whispering. He swallowed and nodded, bottom lip quivering before he let the paper drop to his side so he could cup your jaw and pull you in for a kiss.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you, too," you said softly against his lips. He gave you one more kiss before he sniffled and opened the paper again so he could reread the words:

This was all made possible because of Daniel, who taught me what true love is, and because of Joel, who showed me love during my darkest days - I owe you everything.

Please follow @punkshort-notifs and turn on notifications for fic updates ❤️

[llatimeria]

I feel so resolved right now bc I've been getting a little frustrated with the Instagram reels I've been seeing that's mostly het women complaining about how their husbands don't share the mental load of housework - which is absolutely justified, ofc. everyone needs to partake in taking care of the home as close to equally as is reasonable.

the thing is this mostly takes the form of people making fun of how their husbands say things like "Yeah sure I'll share the load :) Just make me a list!:) just tell me what to do! :)" when that's kind of defeating the purpose -- if your partner's making lists of chores for you, you're still basically offloading a ton of mental effort onto them, which doesn't actually help the problem.

however I know from experience that I am that husband lol. and I'm sure a lot of these men are just kind of inconsiderate, but from my perspective as a disabled neurodivergent person, I reflexively try to offload things like Making Lists or Asking To Be Told What To Do onto my (overstressed, often panicking) partner because I'm scared that if I make decisions about what I need to do, I'll focus on something my partner didn't even have on their radar and waste all my energy "fixing" something which they didn't consider broken, leaving me with nothing to help solve the problems they actually care about.

I'm not trying to be a dick or deliberately being lazy, I just need to know what's bothering them the most so I can start there instead of starting on a random side quest that doesn't matter to either of us. considering how many of these people I've run into are in nd4nd relationships, I'm pretty sure I can't be the only "inconsiderate husband" out there who's having this feeling, and it's a little frustrating to see it being completely attributed to a moral failing and not, like, a possible symptom of their partner's own mental health issues. (like we definitely can't pretend like misogyny never plays a part in the Just Make Me A List type of behavior, but I know relatively certainly that is not where it's originating from in my own personal relationship, and I'm not that unique)

just when I was about to just make a kind of grumpy post about this problem and offer absolutely no solutions, I fuckin run into a reel where someone actually tells people how to bridge the gap between offloading mental effort and actually knowing what your partner wants you to do- literally just. offer a couple of observations to them instead of hoping they'll do everything for you. ie - instead of "just tell me what to do!!", say "I see the dishes have to be done and the trash has to be taken out, so I was gonna do the dishes then take out the trash, unless there was something else that needs my focus first". this tells your partner that you are taking on some of the mental burden, but still offers them the opportunity to point you in the right direction if you're WAY off.

it just makes so much fucking sense and I never would've thought of doing that on my own. genuinely an extremely useful video to just algorithmically be provided to me. it's actionable advice instead of just telling people "share the loaaaddd" without providing the scaffolding someone needs to do that when theyre unused to it (whether that be due to neurodivergency or growing up as a guy in a misogynistic society).

and its just like. God damn it. this is bullshit. I can't believe the stupid camera app is helping me in real ways. maybe the mental health gurus and internet therapists have a goddamn point sometimes. fucking hell

[britcision]

I’m pretty sure the people bitching about not giving money to tumblr are the same ones who complain when AO3 or wikipedia ask for donations, so I’m just gonna clarify something

Running a website is not free

Even if they made no changes and did only maintenance, they still need to pay for server costs, expert programmers for when something goes wrong, storage (although frankly storage is cheap as chips these days which is nice)

They need to keep up with the capabilities of new tech like improvements to web browsers, never mind their own apps keeping pace with old and new tech developments

Backwards compatibility (being able to run the updated app on old tech) is a massive problem for apps on a regular basis, because there are people out here using an iPod and refusing to update software

There’s a reason every few years apps like Animal Crossing will issue an update that breaks backwards compatibility and you can only play if your phone is running more recent software

This shit costs money even before you look into the costs of human moderation, which I’m not exactly convinced is a big part of their current budget but fucking should be if we want an actual fix for their issues with unscreened ads and reporting bigots

Ignoring that it’s apparently illegal for companies not to actively chase profits, running Tumblr is expensive

And advertisers know we fucking hate them here

They’re still running ads, which we know because they’re all over the damn place, but half the ads are for Tumblr and its store

Other ad companies know we are not a good market, so they’re not willing to put the money in

Tumblr runs at a $30 million deficit, every year, because hosting a site is expensive

They are trying to take money making ideas from other social medias because they’re not a charity; they need to make enough money to keep the site going

If you want tumblr to keep existing, never mind fixing its many issues that require human people to be paid to do jobs like moderation, they will need money

Crabs cost $3

One crab day a year can fix the deficit and hammer home for Tumblr that:

A) we do want to be here and want the site to keep going

And B) they do not need to do the normal social media money making strategies we all hate

They need a way to make money if you want the hellsite to exist, because we live in a capitalist hellscape and cannot all be AO3

If they think they can make enough to keep running without pulling all the tricks we hate, they have no reason to pull said tricks

But they need money

And a way to make money

And if we can show them we can do that, there is a significantly higher chance they will listen to us, the user base they need money from, than if we don’t

Tumblr isn’t perfect, or anywhere close. They need someone to actually screen the paid ads they put through, they need to take the transphobia, antisemitism, and bigotry seriously

These Are Jobs That Will Cost Money

People Need To Be Fucking Paid For Their Work

Tumblr Is Not Run By Volunteers For Free And Nor Should It Be

Paying People Is Good Actually

So if you wanna get all high and mighty over $3/year, by all means, go spend that hard earned cash elsewhere

Good luck finding a perfect and morally pure business to give it to though

Being a whiny negative asshole isn’t more appealing just because you’ve put yourself on a moral soapbox, it just means the asshole is a little higher up

For all the whining about “all the new updates are terrible this site is unusable”…. It’s one fuck of a lot more usable than it was in 2017, 2018, 2020

And yeah, it’s going back down and most of the newer ones have been fucking annoying and I would also like them to stop

But it got up somehow and that means it could do that again

Hope is more fun than edgy nihilism

August 1st is a good and exciting day to summon a crab army

[itwasthereaminuteago]

Werewolf!Frank Castle

Its been so rainy and overcast in recent weeks that you forget what time of the month it is, the lunar tracker app in your phone unused for a little too long.

You do notice that he's antsy, even grumpier than that time the delivery guy stole his Lombardi's order. He can't sit still, pacing around the apartment driving you so crazy that you eventually drag his ass out for a walk even though its getting late...

But when he has some cretin that dared to cast a casual glance at your bare legs as you walked past, held by the neck up against a chain link fence, it finally clicks.

His chest is heaving, his raging stare boring into the poor guy's terrified face as his feet dangle off the ground, a low rumbling growl emanating from the back of Frank's throat as you try your best to calm him down.

"He's not worth it Frankie, c'mon we better get home..." You've leave the 'before you transform into an 8 foot beast' part left unsaid.

Still, he doesn't give over until he feels your soft touch at his nape, gently stroking and coaxing him away.

You lead him back home, shooting the other guy an apologetic glance over your shoulder as you then have to navigate the way back with Frank constantly nuzzling his nose into your hair and hoping you don't come across anything else that he might see as a threat.

He gets ridiculously possessive of you around a full moon.

You lightly jog up the stairs but realise too late that was a silly idea as now he's chasing you to the door, caging you up against it growling something that sounds a lot like mine, while you try your damndest to fish out your keys and unlock the fucking thing before...

The door is barely shut before he's on you, hands pinning your own, teeth and tongue grazing and licking your exposed skin.

But the moon's rising, you can see the flash of silver in his eyes, and he grunts in discomfort, his brows drawing together and jaw setting hard as you both know the change is about to happen.

You'll never get used to that sound, his bones snapping and crunching as they rearrange, the whines and the pained look he gives you as with every turn the process never seems to get any less traumatic.

You'll also never get over how when it's all over, he's towering above you, immense, powerful, and all yours.

His bourbon brown eyes are still the same though, still full of unwavering devotion and hunger...

And yeah, he's huge (yes, everywhere), but he's still enough of himself to be gentle... if that's what you want. You can howl too...

Part 2!

[siodymph]

Ok I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the tiktok ban, so I'm gonna come on here and say it all

So first off, I know it wasn't the perfect app and had its own weird drama and issues. But I really do enjoy using tiktok and I think it is deeply unfair how their app and company are being persecuted in the US.

Even before the ban went into motion the footage of the trials feel like such jokes. And yet somehow, with minimal evidence, a historically divided government and Supreme Court were all able to unanimously vote to uphold this ban along with the bill it's attached to.

Like, I've know for a long time now that the government's fucked but this week was like switching into high-gear. Cause somehow, despite spending literal decades in standstills and wasteing millions in tax-dollars, somehow they manage to get the app banned in just a weeks time.

Nothing makes the us governement seem more fabricated than seeing that sudden 180 shift.

And then there's the fact that meta and twitter are acting like all these people will just come flocking back to their apps. Like, even if people did want to go back which the def do not, facebook is all ai fodder, twitters a shitshow and instagram and reels are pretty much unusable. Every 5 seconds there's an add or a scam or a suggested account that you dont give a shit about.

And yeah, there's always YouTube. But anytime I wanna watch something on youtube, theres like 5 minutes of ads I have to sit through first. Sometimes right in the middle of the videos im watching too, it feels more like I'm on hulu, with the added risk that some creepy shit will get auto-played and I'll have to hurry and turn it off.

It just feels like, besides tumblr, every app or social website has been so severely bogged down, theyre unsuable!

Also, for anyone whose new to tumblr thats coming over from tiktok, if you have any questions about setting up accounts or anything like that just let me know lol ive been here forever

Ok rant over

[penumbralwoods]

it's so hard to talk about this without sounding like a stereotypical conspiracy theorist but it is increasingly blatantly obvious to me that social media apps and sites are DESIGNED to show you things you don't want to see.

i have a twitter account that is unused. it has never interacted with a post, has never followed anyone, and has never been followed. granted, i do not use twitter. obviously. that account exists so i don't have to deal with the pop-ups and can actually see posts chronologically. yet every single time i have opened twitter.com, at least one of the 3 posts i see at the top of whatever they call the for you tab is a callout post, vaguepost, or apology following a callout post. every. single. time. because that's what that tab's for. that tab is there to show you shit you hate so you engage and stay longer.

tiktok and tumblr aren't immune to this, obviously. i've run several lil experiments and tumblr actually increases the amount of posts with certain tags it shows me when i hit "not interested" enough times. that happening today is what triggered this rant.

and like yeah whatever curate your experience. but i think we also need to acknowledge that the entire system is designed to prey on you and make you angry so you make the advertisers more money.

actually i dont know why im making this post will wood already has the entire thing in better words:

"I think that we as a culture spend so much time admonishing ourselves for our bad habit or one another for being jerks online; and not enough time putting the blame on the companies who make such insidious efforts to put us in these psychological positions.

I think it’s sort of like smoking. We’re still in the stage of saying “this is a filthy habit and I need to quit” and have yet to start saying “the tobacco companies are knowingly killing us and need to be removed from their positions of power.” Yeah, we picked up the first cigarette, and it’s our job to quit if we start getting short of breath and grouchy and want to feel better, but the death, disease, and act of knowingly chemically manipulating us is on R.J. Reynolds." source

but yeah idk man i'm just thinking about things. like how i know jack shit about any of the extracurriculars at my school i'm not currently involved in because they all post info on their own instagram pages and nowhere else. and how when a well-known person stops using twitter or social media in general people panic and think something happened to them.

people say "gen alpha is gonna grow up with this" but like.... i knew what twitter, reddit, and tumblr were as a kid. i even got an idea of the kind of culture each one had going, since i watched a few of those content-farming voiceover youtubers. and i'm still really fucking confused as to how we got here. what do you even do with more than one social media account?? if you have a tumblr and a twitter and an instagram are you like. checking all of them? how do you make time for anything else when you have multiple spheres of the entire internet you're trying to be active in and be in the loop on everything?

this got so fucking long whatever you all liked the gabriel post so you enabled me into posting more rants i take no responsibility.

[mudhamster]

CHWHWN: 19. December - " a wish"

Kacchan: *image attached* It's not necessarily a wish just for me.  And you can tell me if you don't want it. Deku:( ⚆ _ ⚆ ) What is it? Kacchan: told Kiri about the evening with your quirk analysis books. Got some of him? And his quirk? Deku: I have the whole class. Kacchan: Course you do.. One book each? Deku: At the moment, yes. I reserved a book for each of our classmates, but not all of them are full.  So you wish for me to analyze Kirishima's quirk? Kacchan: Yes. He'll freak out when he finds out, trust me Deku: Okay. Shall I invite him to my place? Or do you want to get the book? Kacchan: Hm  The wish doesn't have a limit per se, right? Deku: ...I guess not, no. Why? Kacchan: And you have notes on the rest of the gang? Denks and Ashido? Even Hanta? Deku: I have the whole class. Kacchan: Ok listen I wish for you to grab your notebooks on my friends and come over at my place later. I still have the Gamecube since half of these guys are going home tomorrow night. We gonna play. Deku: Ok Kacchan: You cool with that? Deku: What time? Kacchan: 17:00? Deku: ok

He didn't know what it was, but it was probably approaching Christmas. Kacchan had made his wish. 

For his friends. 

Izuku wanted to cry.  

If only he wasn't bursting with anticipation at the thought that he would be an invited and accepted part of the Bakusquad tonight. He loved his friends to pieces. But something about the others was ... badass. Cool. He squeaked into his hands - then his phone rang. Really. A real call. 

"K-kacchan?"

"You okay?"

Irritated, he checked once more that he hadn't made a mistake and that it was really Katsuki, then he said, "Um, yeah? Yeah, why?"

"Cause you wrote as if you had... dunno. Like you weren't up for it?"

"I am up for it!"

"Even to bring your notes?"

"...Well. You know how embarrassed I am when people realize how carefully I pay attention," he thought aloud, and a low hum came from the other end of the line. "But if it makes them happy, then of course I'm happy to make them happy. And to help."

The line was quiet for a moment.

"100% sure?" Kacchan asked and Izuku sat down on his bed with a small smile as he continued to listen, "You've the absolute freedom to tell me if you don't wanna."

Wow. Who was this considerate gentleman on the phone? And what had he done to Kacchan?

"Wow. Kacchan sugoi," he cooed into the phone and started to grin, "it's okay, really. Sweet of you to ask, though."

"Shut up."

It sounded more offended than insulting. 

"I'll be at your place at 5:00, Kacchan. With the books. To kick your ass on the Gamecube while the others read."

The microphone buzzed, the only hint of Kacchan's snort, "Fuck you, Deku. I'm being considerate for once and -"

"Thanks for your consideration," he gushed, beaming at his shelf of notebooks, "see you later!"

After hanging up, he glanced at his cell phone. 

Wow. They had never talked on the phone before. His eyes scanned his apps, then were caught on the screen by his mother's wave. A picture of the two of them, splattered in dirt, digging up the garden. He could call her... distract himself, plan their Christmas Eve. 

Or... he could go through his entire closet, hoping to find something that would make him look more like a cool guy than a dorky nerd.

He opened the little app with the notes for the calendar.

Advice, Victory, A Hug, An Ear, JOKER, Hot Chocolate

Two of them were already gone, but still unused.

"The hot chocolate is still in there, guaranteed."

And the rest ... Izuku placed the cell phone on his chest and looked at the ceiling. Was it enough? Had they created a foundation on which they could build more than just friendship?

He had held Kacchan's hand. For those ten minutes, on the way back to the dorm. Their interaction had been different, no question. But was it enough for what he wanted to do? Now he knew what kind of chocolate Kacchan ate on Valentine's Day - and according to him, no one else beside him ever did. 

But couldn't all that …still count as friendship? Sure, not as a normal one .... but then he thought of Ochako and Shouto. He knew what kind of chocolate they liked best. And he had already held their hands, hugged them plenty and even dried their tears.

He and Kacchan still had a long way to go to be more than just friends. Did they have to be best friends to become more? Was it enough to be regular friends before they could become...more?

Today's “wish” was originally meant for both of them. The whole calendar was.

But they wouldn't meet like this today, not when the room was filled with Katsuki's friends. He liked them, all of them, but he noticed the small disappointment that Kacchan hadn't taken the chance to wish for something else. Another hand massage. Another fight. In short, time for two. 

Advice, victory and an ear, he thought.

Kacchan doesn't take advice. And even if he did, it wouldn't change their current relationship. The same applied to victory. And even more so for the moment when he lent him an ear. However and whenever that would ever be realized to open the 24. 

The hug. 

Everything would be built up to the day he gave the hug. That was the only and last day Izuku could show that the calendar had a purpose other than just being nice. 

But how? 

The hug would have to be longer, tighter, more intimate than any of his hugs before. He would have to do something he hadn't done with Shouto or Ochako. He could put his hands under Kacchan's sweater. 

"Nonsense."

He could let his hands sink lower. To his ... butt.

"Oh my God."

He could reach up and grab his face and pull it down and see what happened. Maybe ... they would ...?

"OH GOD." His face flushed at the image, he rolled over onto his side and screamed into his pillow. 

Now, with only 4 chances left, the pressure to get it right increased tenfold. 

Crap.

[lemmilemura]

it’s ur girl pine back with another request that’s secretly an unfinished draft from my notes app

okay so the reader is friends with maeve, and one day she invites them to a party (specifically one that jake hosts, this is important) (no it’s not i just like drama)

but the reader is kind of put off by the idea since they don’t really like parties. but yk it’s just this one time and maeve seems like she really wants them to go with her so they decide to get a little more information on it so they can be prepared (idk i honestly didnt think about why they ask questions but just go along with it 😭) so they ask maeve who’s gonna be there. she says smthn like “eh idk, jake, probably the rest of his group, me obviously, and simon” (reader hasn’t met simon yet, but they know who he is, they also don’t think AT is as bad as everyone makes it out to be) (very odd take but were gonna roll with it). and so when the reader eventually goes, them and simon eventually get like alone together and he starts conversation with them (prob says like “hey, are you y/n? i think maeve has mentioned you a few times.” or something)

IM SORRY THIS IS SUCH A LONG REQ BUT YEAH!! also you can decide what happens after simon and the reader are alone together, im thinking the reader like kind of realizes ‘oh shit this guys kind of fine’ in the like 30 minutes they talk to each other BUT YOU CAN CHANGE IT HOWEVER YOU WANT🫡 (also sorry this isn’t as good as my others it was kind of rushed)

At this point, you should just become my source of ideas xD Because truth be told I am running out and you always have great ones, Pine!!!!!🌲(I tried looking for a ferret emoji too, but I didn’t find one, so now you’re just 🌲 hope that’s okay)

All kept gender-neutral Based on the show

 "I’m really not sure, Maeve. I mean, I brely know anyone at Bayview, let alone Jake." Maeve was trying to convince me to go with her to a party hosted by a guy at her school. We didn’t go to the same school and I didn’t know anyone, besides Maeve and that one Simon guy, but only because he has an app or something that people are making way bigger a deal than it should be. "Oh c’mon! For all I know, you barely leave the house! I mean, if nobody knows you, that’s even better! No way for you to embarrass yourself. Pleeeease just come with I beg you."

In the end, it took a few more minutes, but she did manage to convince me. The days leading up to the party, she kept talking about it, telling me about all of the people I'd probably see. She kept bringing up Janae, I was convinced she had a thing for her, and Simon. The day of the party, though, I was considering just telling her I was sick, I wasn't really feeling like it'd go well. But I still decided to go, I said 'fuck it' and went.

Though, after only a few minutes, I had already lost Maeve. Great. I was alone at a party at someones house who I did not know, with people I didn't know. The kitchen always seemed like a good palce to go, especially when most people were outside by the pool. Also in the kitchen you can get drinks, just water to be honest, but sometimes that's really all you need. I find an unused cup and just get some water from the tap.

Suddenly, this guy walked in, and my god he was hot. Like goddamn what god or demon did his parents make a deal with to make him that attractive? I’m not even kidding, he was just that good looking. I damn near choked on my water, I had to turn around and face away from him out of embarrassment. He didn’t say anything, maybe he didn’t even notice me. He walk around like he owned the place, he knew where everything was, every cup, drink. Maybe he’s Jake’s brother or something. Or maybe that is Jake? I thought.

He suddenly seemed to notice me. "You’re new." He simply stated. I nodded, trying to stay calm. "Maeve invited me." I replied. He raised an eyebrow, making him only more attractive for some reason. "That mean you’re (Y/N)?" He asked. Holy shit hot guy knows my name. Stay cool, stay calm, you’ve got this. I nodded. "Funnily enough, I dragged her here. ‘m Simon."

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? THAT’S SIMON? MAEVE WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME HE WAS HOT?

I tried my best to stay calm and not let my shock come through. I took another sip of my drink, hoping it would help. "You don't go to Bayview, do you?" He asked. Again I just shook my head. He looked me up and down, making me even more flustered, somehow. "Shame." He said, and just... walked off. Just liek that. This man flustered me to my core and walked off like it was nothing.

Honestly I don't remember much of the rest of the party, I was really just trying to calm down, also half debating if I should switch schools. Genuinely. Luckily, Maeve soon (maybe, I do not know how long it was) came back and we decided to leave.

"So, how was it?" Maeve asked. I grabbed her by the shoulders and started shaking her. "WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT SIMON’S HOT? THAT IS A VERY IMPORTANT THING TO KNOW!" Maeve only laughed at my reaction. "Okay, while I do agree, he is good looking, he can be a pain in the ass sometimes." I must admit my face did betray me in that moment. I found that out because Maeve gave me a look, then started laughing again.

[aceofwaffles]

My mom got the new Xbox for Christmas bc she wanted to play Starfield, and I was excited when I realized I could play Sims 4 again. We have been unable to ever since they transferred to the EA app, as the app caused extreme lag, overheating, and other problems for our computer (uninstalling it fixed these problems). Again, I was excited, and got the base game and romantic garden stuff as they were both free, but more recently I’ve been feeling very disappointed that I don’t have access to the packs I had on pc. (I looked it up, and there is no way to transfer.)

We had a lot of packs: Get to Work, Seasons, Pets, Get Together, Get Famous, Island Living, University, Cottage Living, Vampires, Dine Out, Parenting, and a few Stuff Packs too. You can do the math, but in total I’m sure it cost us over $100, plus the cost of the base game which we bought before it was free.

In short, we spent a lot of money on this product which we were suddenly unable to play due to a now necessary app fucking up our computer. And now that I have a way to play the game without fucking up my computer, I still can’t use the dlcs I spent so much money on for, from what I can tell, no reason. My instinct is to download some of the ones I really feel I need (Cottage Living), and potentially some of the new ones I’m interested in (For Rent), but I really don’t want to give them money for screwing me over.

Btw, this is actually what ‘Capitalism breeds innovation’ means. This is the innovation. It’s an innovative way to get me to pay for the product twice. All you have to do is NOT make it so I can keep it. It’s pretty effective, too. Again, it’s almost working even though I know I’m getting screwed, bc I like the Sims 4, and I like my packs. But no, fuck this. I almost feel like I could sue them for this if I really tried, and if I felt like it was worth the money and time it took to do that.

They literally made my product unusable, and now it’s impossible to get it back, even though I feel like it really shouldn’t be, since it has my data! It has my sims! But not the stuff I actually paid for!!

Yeah, fuck EA and their money-grubbing tactics. This whole thing is a scam.

[silverefflux]

skl

Chapter 7 of my König x Fem!OC fic, Rush

See Chapter List

Photo by Dương Nhân

Summary: “I want to tell you something.”

A/N: LET'S DO FLUFF TODAY.

SORRY BUT I AM BORED OF SMUT RIGHT NOW. Basically people do things to each other and in the end, one or both cums. Fuck Chapter 5 and 6. And fuck chronological order.

. . .

Be More // Stephen Sanchez

A couple weeks after they last saw each other, Kate and Dominik kept in touch, many thanks to Kate convincing Dominik to download a video chatting app for them to communicate on. Talking over text when more than 10,000 kilometers apart simply would be too expensive, dry, and unreliable.

“What time is it there?” Kate asked Dominik.

“I’m six hours behind. It’s 2:03 PM here,” he stated, followed by a slight sneer on his lips, “So ‘round about…8:03 PM there?”

“Yeah pretty much,” she nonchalantly replied, eyes intent on what’s in front of her. A sizzling noise from her end of the line competed with her voice, along with the clacking and scraping of a wooden spatula. Some steam rose from the pan she held, floating into a small, unused range hood above the stove. Others wafted all over the tiny kitchen of her apartment.

Dominik tried to bring his attention back to the book he was reading on his sofa, but couldn’t help himself from glancing at his phone, which was standing against the armrest. There’s something about watching her cook that seemed more interesting at the moment than the connection between war and geography, or his cup of coffee.

He set his book down on the coffee table and would forget about reading or drinking for the entirety of the call.

“That looks delicious.”

Kate cast a disbelieving look at him. “Me or my dinner?”

“Both,” he let out a single chuckle. This woman and her words. “But really though, what are you cooking?” he asked in childlike curiosity. He shifted so that his feet were up on the couch and the hand, now holding his phone, was situated on the backrest.

She enthusiastically grabbed the phone from the countertop, which was previously leaning on an electric kettle, then flipped the camera to show what she was making. “It’s just stir-fried veggies. So that’s garlic, onion, oyster sauce…” she listed off as she stirred what was in the pan, “Then…what’s the word...sweet potato leaves? Yeah. Then I’ll eat this with rice.”

“Huh. Interesting.”

“Thanks, just a quick dinner,” she smiled.

“Do you like cooking?”

She paused to think. “Uhhh…I like nice food. And so happened to know how to make some of it…? What about you?”

Mein Gehirn hat echt Wandertag heute. Mann, that was like asking someone if they take showers as a hobby. “I cook a bit, yeah. I bake sometimes. When I feel like it.”

She immediately looked at him again, fascination painted in the glow of her eyes. “Whoa, that’s so cute.”

“What?” he tilted his head ever so slightly, unaware of the small blush that was starting to dust his cheeks. The last time anyone genuinely called him “cute” was when he was a child, so the association of him with the adjective felt quite bizarre.

“You baking. I barely know any guys who can bake,” she explained.

As the call carried on, each amused the other with their own takes on their country’s food culture. There’s food for breakfast. Food for Christmas. Food for drinking and hangovers. Both relished in their memories associated with the meals they liked.

Sure enough, Kate’s dinner was ready, so she invited him to accompany her for dinner—virtually, that is. She grabbed a hefty bowl and flipped it upside down for her phone to lean on, making it as if she and Dominik were sitting across from each other on the small dining table of her apartment.

Kate’s stomach fluttered as she quietly indulged in scenarios she would be embarrassed to admit of, being a woman of her age. Thoughts of how sweet it might have been, had there been no expanse of land and water between them. Part of it felt to her like those little dollhouse skits one would do when they were little, where the guy and the girl would have a dinner date sitting across each other, occasionally sneaking glances at each other and smiling to play it off once they were caught by the other’s eyes.

Maybe there would be some spaghetti served, and they would twirl up some pasta from the same plate, only to realize they were eating the same noodle as their faces inched closer and closer until they kissed. Then there’d be fireworks and dreamy eyes. But that’s just Lady and the Tramp. Real dinner dates have you feeling extremely conscious over how you eat. Unless you’re too smitten to bother about presenting and witnessing immaculate table habits. Such is the case for Kate.

A while into their virtual dinner together, however, Dominik’s expression faded from cheerful to uncertain.

“Hey Kate?”

She hummed in response while she took a spoonful of rice into her mouth. Her brows raised in anticipation.

“I want to tell you something.”

She took a gulp of water to down her food quickly. “Yeah, shoot.”

He took a deep breath and his right began fidgeting with his fingers. His heart leapt to his throat. His gaze landed everywhere but at her. This confused and worried Kate at the same time.

Is there something wrong?

“I…”

Come on, just tell her. It’s nothing deep.

Kate tried to guess in her head whatever it was he was about to say, but she couldn’t fathom what seemed to be bothering him about it, internally crossing her fingers that it wasn’t anything awful. Then a thought struck her.

Is he going to say what I think he’ll say?

For some reason, Dominik was gutted by a fear that she would just outright leave the call once he told her what he wanted to, but he took another breath anyway just to force the words out of his chest.

“I took a contract.”

Oh. She now got somewhat of a grasp on why he looked that bothered. “Well..congrats? Sorry, I don’t know what to say when it comes to that but it’s a new job so I suppose that’s good…?” she replied sheepishly.

Okay…so she didn’t end the call. “Yeah, danke,” he spoke abruptly, taking another deep breath. “I’m getting deployed in two weeks. But it’ll be around six months before I come back.”

“I see. Where to?”

“Can’t say.”

She kept her cool, but deep down, there was uncertainty gnawing itself into the crevices of her mind. Anything could happen when a soldier—or a contractor, in this case—is deployed. It’s sad, but not in the dramatic sense. Rather, an awkward and empty one; as if their whole budding romance started from an unexpected "oh wow” moment, then the movie of their lives just cuts right when the climax is about to happen and you’re left with "oh well" before anything gets really deep.

“That’s awesome. Good luck. And be safe out there, yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Neither of them called the other in the next couple weeks. Dominik was too afraid to call. Kate was busy and assumed he simply needed space based on how he was acting when he told her about his upcoming work.

It wasn’t until a day before he left, that he called all of a sudden. Luckily, Kate wasn’t on any flight that day. It was only to say goodbye, but then she asked if there was any internet in his destination, to which he realized that she still wanted to chat. For that, he admired her persistence…and the seemingly unfazed air about her despite him being in a potential life-or-death situation. It was almost like she already knew what it was like.

. . . 

Fast forward to Dominik’s deployment, it didn’t take long for Kate to figure out that he was somewhere around Adal or Urzikstan based on his mentions of the desert, the time zone differences, and the recent international news. Trying to speak over a video call was too frustrating due to the limited connection, so he and Kate returned to mere chatting and texting.

Her life, like any other, had always been an ebb and flow between lull and activity. Business as usual meant getting assigned flights, studying the routes, submitting flight plans, coming home, driving occasionally to her parents’ house to have a meal with them and her brother, and spending the rest of the time in her apartment through chores and hanging around.

Dominik would pop up in her mind every few days. Whenever that was the case, she would leave him a small “How are things there?” or a “Hope you’re safe. Chat me when you’re back.” His responses would range from a couple hours to a couple days away, but he was kind enough to reciprocate with bits of “Have you eaten?” or “Did you fly today?”

Sometime about four months in, he went dark for five days straight. She internally crossed her fingers in hopes that nothing awful happened.

From his point of view, those five days of radio silence ended up with him limping on his right leg all the way back to his barracks at night after a particularly rough clearing operation. He switched on his phone and was welcomed with one single message.

Problem was, she wrote it in Filipino.

As any non-speaker of any language would, his knee-jerk response was to copy the text and run it on Google Translate.

Which led to the next problem: the result made zero sense.

Verdammt blöde App, he rolled his eyes.

The next morning, he sat on a medical table in a container building, patiently waiting as a nurse replaced the bandage on his injured leg. He stared at the nurse, who was too occupied to notice his eyes, then drilled his sights into the wall. He clenched his teeth, deeply weighing his choices should he approach this nurse for such an unprofessional plea for assistance.

“Excuse me,” he hesitantly called her attention.

The nurse looked up at him, mildly intimidated as she found his eyes in the hood that he insisted on wearing despite not being in combat. “Sir?”

“You’re Filipino, right?”

“Yes, Sir. Why?”

Silence.

He discreetly took his phone out of his pocket and opened his phone gallery. He knew not to be a show-off about it, as some of the military staff were allowed little to no usage of mobile phones. The nurse squinted at him, initially suspicious over what was taking him so long, but then brushed it off in favor of resuming to wrap the rest of the gauze around his leg.

“What does this mean?” he leaned over, presenting the nurse with a cropped out screenshot of Kate’s message.

She paused from bandaging again to check at his phone. Then her eyes blew wide and she looked at him with a wry smile, which earned a flustered expression from Dominik.

His stomach dropped. Was that a dirty text?

“Iniisip kita. Share ko lang,” the nurse quoted the text in a playful tone she assumed it was supposed to be read in, “She’s telling you that she’s thinking of you.”

He stared with a mix of relief and surprise, internally hoping his emotions weren’t so obvious through his hood. “She”? Is it really *that* obvious?

“It’s just cute though, because the way it’s said, like she’s playing hard-to-get a little bit? ‘Share ko lang’ kinda has a tone of ‘I’m just sharing,’ or, ‘Just sayin,’” the nurse softly elaborated, waving a hand off to mimic the coyness of the message, “Is that from your wife—”

“Ah, it’s—it’s not—”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have assumed,” she gasped.

“It’s all right. Is this done yet?” he asked hastily, pointing at his injury that was being tended to.

The nurse returned her focus to bandaging his leg, speeding up to end the whole interaction. “A little more…You should reply to her. Or him. I don’t know…but that’s pretty sweet,” she shrugged.

After his wound was freshly dressed, he quickly thanked her, got up and paced his way out of the room. He made his way back to his barracks briskly, bypassing dozens of staff in his way. It was as if he had no injury in the first place.

Perhaps it was from embarrassment of asking the nurse to translate such a personal text. 

Perhaps it was from her probing from context that the message wasn’t just made by some relative or friend.

Perhaps it was from a newfound will to make it out of his mission alive and come home.

Perhaps it was from the prospect of hearing Kate’s voice, or seeing her face again.

One thing for certain is that something changed in him. As he sat back down on his bed, his heart raced and his eyes danced, searching for anything to divert his clamoring thoughts. He was an awkward, giddy teenage boy all over again. He sat on the bed and hunched over his phone, reopening the sole conversation he safekept in a messaging app inbox. His thumbs swiped gently at the sides of his phone as he held it with both hands. A rush flooded through his chest, climbed into his face, and fizzled out the top of his head as a familiar, warm, fuzzy feeling of delight.

She’s thinking of me.

. . .

Translations:

Mein Gehirn hat echt Wandertag heute. - My brain has a field trip today. Verdammt blöde App - Fuckin stupid app

A/N: And yes, for the Filipinos out there: yes, our slightly-conyo girl eats talbos ng kamote <3 Eat ya fokken veggies

[daz4i]

listen. sometimes idm ads. i do want sites i use or youtubers i watch frequently to earn money so i can keep using/watching them, and i won't spend money myself, so this is a good compromise.

the problem is!!!!! ads make these sites lag, sometimes cover pages and make them unusable, or they clog videos and pop up so often and are so long they're practically as long as the video itself, to the point i just stop watching youtubers who have too many ad breaks even if i do like their content

and i gotta say, i don't get it? like being annoyed with an ad won't make me want to get the product - and i know that's not the point, the point is to put it at the front of your mind for when you or someone you know need the product this company provides - and i do end up clicking ads for things i find interesting sometimes

and the thing is. with video ads especially. i think smaller is better for everyone. one 5 seconds ad is so much less annoying than a 20 seconds one or even just two 5 seconds ads, even if it appears multiple times per video, bc psychologically it feels more bearable, yknow? the product is still gonna be in my subconscious or w/e but now i won't associate it with being painfully annoyed, so this is better for the advertisers too. so why not go for that!

also, sometimes ads are taken straight from tv directly to youtube (probably why some are very long), and the problem with that is their volume. like. if i'm watching smth in the middle of the night and your car insurance ad is twice as loud as the video i'm watching, i'm gonna hate it even more (a friend who learned copywriting told me they make ads louder on tv bc if you lower your volume during an ad break and tune out or just change channels quickly, it's more likely to catch your attention this way. i get that but why not just do this very minor adjustment when you sell that ad to youtube. please)

as for websites, some of these ads are so fucking evil 😭 i ranted abt this before but oh my god weight loss and especially fasting apps ads should be illegal i am not even slightly exaggerating. ads literally being malware??? not even getting into how scary algorithms can get.

and as i mentioned about lags, so many ads running at the same time, or the same ad space changing rapidly make things so slow that i once again have to wonder who's benefitting from this. i can't even see what some of the ads are bro, and i don't want to, but like, you're just losing money here, and if i know a site doesn't work well with ads enabled i will either switch to a browser with adblock (tbc, talking abt mobile here. firefox's app is shitty but necessary) or, if i can't use adblock, won't use that site anymore. so again. who's benefitting from this.

idk what the point of this rant is. ads today literally exist for the sake of existing i swear. i don't think they help sell things more at this point, which is the whole point of ads in the first place. and for smaller or newer businesses, they sometimes have to raise prices to make up for paying for their advertising campaign (drew gooden's videos about buying random items he gets ads for showcase this phenomenon well i think) which makes people less likely to buy them, and i can't help but wonder if some products would be better if their companies spent less money on just advertising them and instead actually invest in quality (see also: any shady company that targets youtubers for sponsorships constantly while having an extremely bad product, or barely paying their employees a living wage, etc)

anyway yeah these are my probably not too uncommon thoughts on the matter. have a nice rest of the day

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

pray for me, y'all.... im finally trying to actually read some of my old required philosophy readings from uni..... nearly 10 years later... all bc I could start to feel my brain rotting from the inside out, from all the fb watch bs and youtube shorts and general yt stuff bullshit that I've been watching non-stop since I left my job in march lmao.

part of this, is me starting to use my brain to actually read a Physical Book™️ as well.... bc last week I went to get the undercarriage of my car fixed at the car body shop..... I went to that area's local mall to kill the hour and a half they took to fix it. in the food court of the mall, they had a community library shelf thing, that so many places have now.... where people just leave their unused old books for people to peruse while eating a subway, or fish and chips meal, or whatever else for lunch.

on that shelf, I finally jumped onto/into Michelle Obama's memoir Becoming.... which i've been meaning to listen to the audiobook of on scribd (which I've deactivated since I'm broke rn); for ages. and y'all. I can't stop reading it. it's made me finally look into international relations, which was a subject I always wanted to do at uni... but just didn't want to do the debating side of it lmao (and also bc I was thinking of doing it if I'd applied for that cadetship at my local uni.... which I didn't lmao). I'm reading my old intro to philosophy textbook- philosophy for everyone (ebook).... which I completely and utterly ignored during undergrad on purpose.

just. say what you want about the Obama's. but at least Michelle has kicked my ass into paperback reading, and philosophy text overdrive.... making me realise just how dead and numb my brain has been; since I dropped causal reading of ANY books as a hobby..... for endless tumblr, youtube shorts (and now also actors reviewing their careers through vanity fair or GQ)..... endless make-up or skincare review/tutorial videos or endless repeats of some of my fave stand up comics bits from their netflix specials or w/e (which I've watched so often now that I can recite some of them word for word or paraphrase them well enough in a semi-okay impression of them).... just an endless stream of bullshit, really.

just yeah. at least im reading again. and finally using my brain. im not using my phone for like at least an hour or two (2) at a time, when I really get into the groove of reading. it's wild tbh. but I will really have to train my brain not to re-read and re-read and re-read, ad infintum, one or two sentences on a page; whilst trying to read philosophy texts like on liberty (like im attempting rn lmao). bc that's exactly how I gave up on all of my philosophy readings in the first place..... bc having to re-read a sentence like 3 times made me feel stupid asf.

yeah. im just here to say. for the love of god. pick up a print book every once in a while. or hell, even an e-book through your local library's e-book app (eg, libby/overdrive or borrowbox). or if you have one, your kindle (that's where some of my international relations stuff is and my old philosophy textbook) or other e-reader. and yeah I know. once I get a job (lmao the job markets shit) I won't be raving like this, about wanting to read anything other than an audiobook on the way to and from work everyday. I'll end up back in the loop of nothing but fb watch etc. I will be the last person to join, if at all, the company's book-club. I didn't even join the short lived one at my old work.

just try to make an effort to read something, anything. get the fuck away from youtube and other social media reels/shorts etc etc brain rot and read... idek comics or something fun. a kids' book, like Grug or the little miss/mister men, just for shits and giggles, to turn off your brain... instead of going down the reels and shorts or tiktok holes so often that you can literally feel your brain melting to mush.