#yeah thats right im baiting for interaction

[worm-on-my-way]

danny you're being a bad influence

(now with a sequel!! link)

[orbch]

ep31 dropped [like 5 days ago this has been in my drafts for a hot sec], it was short but mighty, i might have to actually go in order very meticulously because the sheer amount of thoughts i have are. insane.

okay starting with the thumbnail (how u know this is about to be crazy) the thumbnail is nightlight, lightning, plumsweet, and starbeam… now i was excited because i thought we were getting those 4 as a group, maybe having a conversation of some sorts, all of them, with each other. i was WRONG! starbeam only talks to ONE of the THREE other characters in the thumbnail, and if you asked me to guess prior to me watching ep31, i wouldve made 2 consecutive wrong guesses.. because it was lightning. now i enjoy lightning and starbeam as a duo, mostly because they are funny, but not enough to excuse me getting nightbeam and plumbeam baited ngl… 😒

anyways beginning part. uh trauma flashback kind of insane. this episode is for the WEEIIIRRRD hss character combo lovers. sandbar lightning and starbeam? what? hello? home wreckers convention + lightning speed?? idk weird. also there was almost a sandspeed win but starbeam had to intervene LMFAO, episode was almost TOO peak….. but yeah starbeam and lightning interaction that was like almost civil for a few seconds idk ive always fw them as a duo heavily, mostly bc they are always cunty to each other, but this is cool too, seeing starbeam attemot to comfort him (or wtv that was) and just fumble and make things worse. oh my god also? the joke about starswirl and starbeam going by the same name?? finally??? it took 31 episodes???? to make the “which star” joke????? i cant even begin to explain how hard i cheesed over this ngl

POPULAR GIRL FLOWERWISHES OHHHH BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!!!!! listen. shes evil and mean and crazy and ruined a lot of relationships and reputations…. but like lets give it up for the first ever actually effective antagonist in hss am i right!?!?!?!? it only took 31 episodes!!!! like soarin was an ass for 5 episodes maybe and then fucked off for half the series, and starbeams kinda in her weird redemption arc.. thing… right now (and also she hasnt really had any major power as a mean girl since like. maybe ep13) , so i really fuck with this heavily! and shes not even pretending to be chill and nice! the other girls (sleeper agent trigger word) are like “um youre not gonna expose us right” and shes like “idk as long as you dont piss me off” . oh and also i fear the montage of her and her posse being mean to plumsweet is the hardest ive laughed at hss genuinely in a WHILEEE! “and rainbows gonna be fine” “yeah until your back on the road” OH MY GODDD??? that floored me i actually had tears in my eyes how hard i was laughing plumsweets ass was getting handed to her

and then nightlight like saves the day or smth idk who gaf,.. just kidding i do!!!!! if u scroll way back in my mlpsm tag u might see that, in my pre-nightbeam era, i love nightlight and plumsweets ship very VERYYYY much, and while i certainly have my ship picks now, nightlight and plumsweet interactions will ALWAYS make me happy. and again, while im not ecstatic 🙄 about me getting baited 🙄 into thinking starbeam had more interactions this episode 🙄…. the nightlight lightning and plumsweet convo was great. banger trio truly.… maybe thats also because unironically my fave plumsweet duo is her and lightning BUT WHO KNOWS!!!!

uh scelia scene, keeping this one short. they didnt break up (YAYYYY) but they are gross and cringe and lame and i hate them and i hope they dieeee…. lowkeeeyyyy…….. (said with zero hate in my heart) anyways yeah they cringe couple as hell and had me geeking i love them forever and ever.

rainbow scene, yeah! cant lie this one didnt piss me off as bad as her scenes usually do! i mean she was as dramatic and unreasonable as she usually is but like she’s actively concussed and high off pain killers so… expected… and!!! this scene also killed the fuck out of rainbowspeed even MORE! another win for me, LMFAO! now i do expect some rainbowspeed tomfoolery very soon like oh um maybe idk next episode just off the top of my head idk, but for now neither of them want to see the other so like, win?? i guess???? oh bonus comment abt this scene: the tuna eggroll joke was very funny. it was in a similar vein to the “lightning asking helia for money” and “[broken heart drawing] what do you see?” jokes in the sense of humor, idk bits like that will always be a treat for me in hss

blossomforth and starswirl scene.. am i happy they are no longer arguing? yes. am i kinda sad because i like choosing blossoms side over starswirls when they DO argue? also yes LOL. am i gonna beat starswirls ass for having the gall to make a joke about blossoms jealousy over rainbow? with haste. anyways after that stars like “um im gonna be bringing lightning to visit rainbow” UM. UM. UM. STARSWIRL. star. girl. the direction of hate went from rainbow being mad at lightning, to lightning mad at rainbow, to rainbow mad at lightning AGAIN! if u bring him against his will, someones getting their ass kicked! and i dont know who! honestly it might be you!!! this is INSANE

and my final comment is. there was a week timeskip. a week. what. what happened with the projects? did nightlight and starbeam present? plumsweet and lightning? scar and helia? im assuming rainbow and star havent had the chance? did nightlight ever actually go to stars house after ep30? did helia avoid scar the WHOLE week?? did blossom also avoid star the WHOLE week??? this is insane timeskip i think given everything else thats happened

i cant think of one reason why i shouldnt start mlpstopmotion posting on main

[gwendolynalbrecht]

You Tubers on Twitter - Frustration - Transphobia?

I had a few days to let this interaction sit, but I decided to vent my frustration about this guy finally. I will censor out the parties involved. (Just to be on the moral high ground really). But first things first I want to make clear that Im not trans myself. Im AroAce and at most confused about myself. But still I felt like sticking up for the original poster who he randomly lashed out at, because it felt like the right thing to do. So I followed this art commentary (turned gaming commentary) You Tuber for a while. When I finally made a Twitter I of course followed my favorite You Tubers there too. Now he had his "Anti-SJW" moments in the past but nothing major, he seemed nice otherwise. But on Twitter you quickly learned how much good editing can make a person. On Twitter he was insufferable. (Unless he was sharing art) He would awkardly beg for money, "jokingly" baiting his followings to pay him to review "horrible" media. And they paid him for some reason, absurd amounts of money too. But its his following. What really began to annoy me was his intense focus on negativity. He made opinion pieces of games and media and then when he got strong responses to his "objective" opinion pieces he would drag the comments out to his twitter and pick them apart, feeding the people to his following. Not blurring out their usernames or anything. This is where this mess started. I noticed his anger towards "SJW" aka queer people finding him annoying. In this situation I noticed that he for no good reason lashed out at an unrelated (possibly trans) person, because he didnt like their gaming opinion about Persona 4. Specifically Naoto. And I found him needlessly hostile towards someone who hadnt tagged him or even replied to them. He just sought them out to get mad at someone. So I decided to call him out for it, nicely of course, and tried to explain why the person probably had this opinion. But he was just weirdly obsessively defensive over Naoto really truely not being trans. (Maybe they are his one true waifu or something) So I tried to move away from Persona 4 and Naoto specifically. And hoped to have a mature converstaion about these uninspired storytelling tropes. You know the one: About a person crossdressing as the other gender but once the main character changes their mind and makes them be true to themselves they go back to being their original gender. Usually female presenting male. The damsel needing fixing. Yeah that kinda shitshow. I tried to get into why the person arrived at their opinion about Persona 4 in general, because in my opinion these kinda stories can spread harmful ideas if handled so poorly. (Especially in a game where you "fix" peoples minds) And how the story felt very "tell dont show" But thats where things went downhill. I was met with nothing but rudeness, hostility, defensive mental gymnastics and some absurd victim complex. He kept going on and on about Naoto not being trans, ignoring my attempts to getting away from that character and game. Honestly I think they are his waifu and he just got violently butthurt about someone not sharing his worship of them. Now eventually I muted the tweet because I realized he wouldnt bother actually talking with me, he was just being an asshole for no damn reason. I tried to de-escalte, be polite and reasonable but got no respect in return. The next day I see that he bloody vague posted about it and at that point I got annoyed and more spiteful in my tweets. Though still harmless in my opinion. I would call myself stern and cold by the end. Sadly I cant show you, I dont want to direct anyone towards him and I was blocked before I could grab more screenshots. (So please take my words with a grain of salt) He then had the audacity to play victim, thats when I got really upset. He went out of his way to attack/harrass/silence a trans person (the og poster mentioned gender disphoria, hence my assumption they might be trans or at least genderfluid). Said person didnt mention him, didnt tag him and they didnt reply to him.

[smutav]

So i posted the pictures I had for my xray and comic in this post here and I said id wait a year but I’ve decided I need to lay this project to rest and move on to what comes next. Its under the cut because its mad king heavy

the old man part was fully scripted out so I’m going to throw the script in here first then it’ll be just notes for the general plotline

(M) Old Man   = O1 / (J) Old Man   = O2 / Xray          = X / Vav           = V

we come in on Xray and Vav coming onto the scene but we start lookin at the old men

O2: "Uh Oh, the calvaries here" O1: "issit the popo? tell them they cant make me go back... to that horrible home... fulla old people..." O2: "No.. its those spandex kids again" O1: "Oh, the blue one confused me... so blue jus like those dirty cops" O2: "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE" [O2 throws something that lands nowhere near xray and vav] V : "Look you have to stop causing a ruckus!" O1: "ah ah ah prettyboy we got da bomb" O2: "Thats right if you get in our way it'll be a real stinker!" O1: "Uh Ohhhh"

X : "you have got to be kidding me" O1: "I'm too old for kidding, im old-ding over here" V : "What are you doing with a bomb!?" O2: "We've got demands!" O1: "Oh yeah lots of demands!" O2: "We want.... Pudding!" O1: "Oh yeah and none of that rice shit in there" O2: "get that rice out of our pudding no chunks!" O1: "itsa chokin hazard, I almost died when they had that at the home" O2: "thats why we left they was tryna kill us" O1: "But you only show up to stop two guys havin fun" O2: "Ya punks!" [Vav has snuck over to the obviously hidden 'stink bomb' and gags when he sees whats under the cover]

O2: "Ey!" [he smacks Vav with a cane] "gettaway from there" O1: "These two have no manners" O2: "they jus go touchin stuff that doesnt belong to them!" O1: "Well two can play at that game" [he moves towards Xray pointing at his glasses] "I want those" X : "How about I give you this instead" [he shoots a lazer at the old guy but it bounces off his walker] O1: "uh oh you shouldn't have done that" X : "oh yeah what if i do it again" [it really has the same result smart guy]

[Vav at the same time is dealing with.. a really slow old guy. and he dodges a punch an the old guy just keeps goin down and hits the ground] O2: "Ah! I'm hit thats it for me! [he tries to get up but just knocks himself over again] it's over for me I'm deadd. You killed me ya bastard" V : "I really didn--" O2: "this blood is on your handssss ohhh im goinnnn" [Vav backs off while the old man keeps slowly 'dying' to help out with Xray who's wrestling for his glasses from O1]

X : "Youre smudging up my glasses!" O1: "oh i'll do more than that" [he moves to take a lick at them] X : "no you dont!" [He punches the old man square in the jaw] O1: [catches himself on the walker] "you want a boxing match, i used ta have the belt ya know" [he lands a punch on xray who doesnt even flinch]

V : [Vav comes up from behind and pulls the old man away] O1: "No he's got me!" [he flails a bit but ineffectively to get out] "this is just like the 40s you cant stop all this" V : "We're sending you both back to the old folks home just stay there this time!" O1: "You'll never keep us caged! We'll always be ba-- Oh no is this a heart attack? Ma is that you in the light I'm-- I'm comin... comin to kick your dead ass" [and he's dead]

[Xray and Vav dump the old guys on an elderly bus they're used to dealing with these guys 'dying' and approach the stink bomb which is the stink jug but theres wires and stuff attached to supposedly detonate it] X: "Well I guess we'll have to deal with this" [he kicks the 'stink bomb' and Vav goes green] V: "I guess it'd be best to get it to Hilda she'll know how to get rid of it" X: "right lets go" [he starts walking leaving Vav to carry the barrel, poor vav]

I hope the notes after this make sense plot wise a lot of it was going to be explored deeper as we get drawing XDD ((also you get all my note writing jokes that i make to myself))

V = xray and vav / K = mad king / R  = rimmy tim / M = mogar

(V) - I need,, some basic everyday hero biz to start the story with - tIME TO THROW THE OLD MEN IN THERE (K) - He decides to try out his powers a lil test run ((around Hilda's lab)) - Xray and Vav crash the party ofc - He gets by them EASY slow mo can't do much against teleporting - He didn't have much of a goal for it but, now he knows he has the upper hand on Xray and Vav - He leaves victorious (V) - He gets the business end of a run in with ender ryan - What was that?? he can teleport?? - Well we have to figure something out! (R) - Rimmy Tim runs into Mad King - Which is wild! thought he was dead! - but he does have some weird ass shit going on (K) - Wow running into Rimmy Tim isnt that neat? - He pays no mind to the Battle Buddy (R) - Rimmy Tim is crashing at Jake's place ((to be relevant)) - He also meets Xray and Vav but nobody knows what his full deal is ((and theyre distracted from having they ass kicked))

(V) - Vav is the plan guy - They get intel that he has a weird power source - it gave him the powers so if they can figure it out maybe they can take them away! - We'll need to be stealthy boys... - MOGAR! - ask mogar for help, he distract while they sneak in and nab the gem (M) - The plan involves Mogar fighting Mad King up front - Mogar runs into Rimmy Tim and is suspicious of him (K) - Ofc he knew Xray and Vav would make a plan - Mogar comes to fight him aw they just decided to send a fwiend - Mad King is busy beating Mogar and doesn't notice that they got the gem ((Uh Oh! Plothole!)) (M) - They dont see him at the meeting place (K) - He Notices when he decides to experiment with it and tries out a lesser power source - Resulting in Zombie Mogar

(V) - They HAVE to find Mogar - poking around the outside for a sign of him they find his sword in the dumpster - thats,,, not good - its really heavy but if vav straps it to his back he can handle it - they wind up splitting up for any sign of Mogar (K) - Well if you're going to be rude about it - [teleports in the streets] - Have it your way do what you want - [and he leaves Mogar there] - when he teleports back Rimmy Tim is there and he quips ab how convenient tping is (R) - MK has him get rid of the new power source obviously a failure (V) - It gets dark but vav hears a noise in the alley - He finds Mogar! But he's eating something - Mogar growls and starts running at him - *british screaming* - As he BOOKS IT around a corner Xray runs into him and Vav just grabs his arm - NO TIME TO EXPLAIN - so what the plans just fucking run - oh wait thats Jake's van - *climbs in* wEHAVE TO GO HIT THE GAS - bro its a red light - iTS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THERES NO TRAFFIC JUST - Mogar jumps on the vAAAAAAAA - Thats enough to convince Jake she slams on the gas - " you guys are paying for any tickets i get"

((for context, Jake is my oc she has an ask blog that I was planning to use to be like in between she and rimmy tim are hanging out and you might find out things from interacting w her. But for character knowledge she’s an appliance installer that works with The Monarchy’s Servants. Which that is the company that installs the stuff that comes out of Monarch Labs. there was also a whole bit where she and rimmy tim would be hanging out and he’d be joking like oh do you ever go in like “ah m’lord!! is this installation to your liking thank you m’lord!!” and she’d goof back if he ever had a house for her to install shit in she’d do it just for him.

and for how Jake and Rimmy tim met it was at 3am dennys a few years ago and they been buds ever since))

(R) - Jake's checking on her van later and Rimmy Tim comes out to give a hand - and he asks what happened and she's shaking a lil - she just leaves it as hero biz as usual she thinks (V) - bloody hell we have to help mogar! - yeah what did Mad King do to him! - they gotta bait and catch him (R) - Jake gets a call from xray and vav asking for help getting mogar to a lab - Rimmy Tim tags along and gets to see Mogar (M) - Xray and Vav catch mogar and have him leashed in the lab - But?? Is he dangerous?? Can he contaminate others??

(R) - This is wrong - RYAN is wrong - Rimmy Tim,, Has to do something - discussion doesnt work, Ryan's just a wall discussion wise - theres no talking him out of anything he's too absorbed (V) - Mogar has good moments - reference the rotten flesh test w vav (K) - Rimmy Tim is getting increasingly worried ab him - Rimmy Tim mentions Mogar - Well it wasn't on PURPOSE - but yeah i did that - No, I don't particularly know how to reverse it (R) - Rimmy Tim tries talking hey what if we just did this partner like - Nothing can beat the battle buddies then this can all be done right? - Mad King brushes him off and tells him to stay out of his business - Ryan gets caught in the rain - He claws Rimmy's face oh no! his money maker! - Rimmy Tim decides enough is enough and leaves to help Xray and Vav fix this,,, fix him,,, (V) - They hear Mad King in the rain - hhhhh i dont want to deal with more monsterrrrssss - Rimmy Tim joins the team! - he explains his history with Mad King - and how he's worried - wORRIED LOOK WHAT HE'S DONE TO MOGAR - He digs out the lesser power source that was used on Mogar - THIS made THAT *points at Mogar* (K) - Mad King is bandaged and goes to sleep off the pain and *emotions* (gross) of the evening - as he drifts off instead of dreaming he finds himself seeing through Jeremy's damaged eye - He just sees xray and vav but he cant hear a word - needless to say he feel betrayed

(Finale leadup)

- they need a plan to catch MK - Xray and Vav decide to drill RT ab possible weaknesses - he doesnt have much to contribute though they havent worked together in years and he didnt have all this magic junk going on. - and all RT's seen of the magic junk is teleporting - Well have you seen his hideout? can you explain like layout or whats going on there - oh fuck yeah i guess that is intel lemme sketch it out

- Hilda is playing around with whats the difference between the gem they stole from MK and the one that RT says changed Mogar - Mayhaps after some experimentation gone wrong she figures they cant use the thing against him but need a device that'll remove that specific energy - so you know a SUCKING machine - While she's working so closely with this she starts having enderhilda dreams but like when she's awake shes like yeah thats neat but you aint caught my interest you dumb gem

- Wait RT if you and MK used to be in cahoots do you have any powers that can beat him? - I got guns we were guns for hire you know battle buddies - wot MK doesnt use guns he plays mind games - well yeah NOW he does he uh-- didnt have it all together after our last mission

(flashback)

- Battle buddies are cleaning up after a mission - they're both pretty angry like we wound up being the bad guys AGAIN how does this keep happening - RT agrees he's not a fan of dirty cash - MK comes to the conclusion if i controlled these sheeple nobody would be calling my shots and makin me do the wrong thing - come on ryan ya cant control people thats wrong - whats a little more blood on my hands if it means making things better on the whole - and MK winds up leaving the battle buddies :C

(Finale)

- Hilda comes in like hey i got your guys's sucking machine go suck off mad king or whatever - and vavs like Alright! lets make a plan lads! - then we go to MK - he can see them coming, he's gotten practice watching through RT's eyes - he gets the machine from them as theyre barely through the door - "well I was curious what this would do but what does it matter anyways" - and he's got like some full ender shadow clones to help with the fight and they all pair off ((not like an army literally just enough to pair off MK dont need an army to beat these guys)) - the real MK personally faces off RT though :) - RT "why do i get the real ryan why couldnt you face off with like vav or something" - MK "im curious if you could shoot me 'buddy'" - RT "well I doubt i'll do something but i do owe you one ;)" and he do shoot him but yeah the bullets are stopped and do nothing - MK "I do hope you brought something else if youre turning against the MAD KING you have best be prepared" - RT "what can i say" [drops gun] "I stick to my guns" [throw punch]

- but yeah after the fighting and witty dialogue clears it looks like MK do have the upper hand - RT was left bleeding out ((stabbed through with pointy fingers oooo MK got his blood literally on his hands)) - While MK is monologuing RT sneaks into the bathroom which MK pauses mid monologue when he sees a flash of RT's bloody hand reaching for the showerhead - cant believe that fuck - and RT comes out and hoses him down ((yes it reaches that far LOOK its got a long hose)) - then MK's on the ground fucking sizzling - vav's like oh right! and jumps up to get the sucking machine and they use it on MK

(epilogue)

- Jake drops RT off where they got MK locked up and shes like "do what u gotta do man" and RT's like "thanks for understanding bud" - and he gets in MK shifts to look at him - RT starts to apologize for ruining his plan but gets interrupted as MK says "you were right" - which is a SHOCKING thing to hear from that guy - and mad king is like "thank you" - and we end on "anytime buddy."

so that was my plot I havent been kidding when I said it was a long comic plan. Its been heartbreaking to have this whole thing ripped from me but I can’t tell a story about friendship w a manipulator. 

I’m not sure how long it’ll be until I actually get another thing started but I hope its soon because I was very excited to share a good long story with the xray and vav fandom and I thought this plot wouldve been like a good season worth of content

I had some draws tagged under “#its all connected” and they were all me working on this idea before I actually decided to write it out and try for a whole comic after being inspired by some close friends and the good at being bad animation collab

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

*clears throat* *pulls up powerpoint* *shuffles speaker notes*

okay kids strap in this is gonna be long probably. im gonna add a read more so hopefully that works, otherwise i am,,so sorry,,

w that lets begin

so. lets start w the basics

season 1: didnt like him. really didnt like him. i have Issues w suicide as a topic in general so when he baited midoriya he lost any fondness i couldve had towards him. then his actions durnig the battle training? hes a fcukin maniac. but i enjoyed learning more abt him as a character so whatever. i thought his confrontation w midoriya in the aftermath of that was,,interesting

season 2: still dont like him, but his eventual coming arnd during the final exam made me more open to him. also sports festival was,,,interesting, ig. i thought it was interesting how he wouldnt accept the win; if he was the same character he was in season 1, he wouldve taken it, i feel like. but he didnt. so hey, growth smwh

season 3: i thought i didnt like him, but then he got kidnapped and i got a case of the shakes(tm) until he was rescued. i rlly vibed w midoriya screaming and crying while he was kidnapped. cut to the provis license exam:

(excuse my crying abt aoyama lmao)(and also the fact that i used to call bakugou “bakugon” yes i know thats not his name yes i did that bc i didnt like him and i think im funny as shit). then,,,the scene. kacchan v. deku 2. uhh i was vibing w him honestly. hes a mood,,,regrettably,,,until he beat midoriya at least

season 4 (so far): pls stop yelling, regrettably relatable gremlin

now lets dive into what all that means huh

i dislike bakugou for the following reasons.

- suicide-baited midoriya. not only that, but he tormented him for years simply because he couldn’t get over his own private feelings; midoriya did nothing to deserve his scorn. literally nothing.

- beyond even that, is still a prick to most everyone he meets; he’s short and irritated and won’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt (at least not as first). 

- even now, he still has issues giving respect or even just being decent to both people he knows and people he doesn’t.

- speaking of, he has never ever apologized for his previous actions. not even after he finds out he’s wrong (like when midoriya tells him he never, ever, looked down on him). he hasnt even really apologized via action rather than words if you wanna try that route with me. he might be better than he was, but he refuses to acknowledge that he was ever wrong in the first place and thats not functional

- hes so focused on “winning” as a concept. it doesnt matter if youre supposed to be an ally to him; if he perceives you as being in his way, he’ll do his damnedest to fucking destroy you. he has few genuinely heroic qualities (not to say he has few good qualities, just few heroic ones); hes just strong and determined, but he’s a case study of how those qualities can be twisted as all fucking hell

- hes so proud. he is s o fucking proud. he has such an issue with pride that i cant fucking handle it sometimes man

i like bakugou for the following reasons.

- he has grown. he might not have said anything to anyone about it, but he has grown as a person since the series started

- he does have morals and he sticks to them. they might be basic things such as “dont be a villain” but theyre. something and he stands by them. hes not a slimy snake is what im saying

- hes funny. when he isnt actively bringing others down, i actually enjoy the screentime he has, bc its really funny, esp when he’s interacting w his friends and theyre having visible fun messing arnd w him

- this particular reason is hard to phrase so let me just. try and word vomit it correctly. i didnt expect him to be capable of blaming himself for smth like all might’s retirement. but he was and i,,,it adds layers to his character that i appreciate a lot. so its not that i like that he feels guilty abt it, but what it means for his character

- his interactions with kirishima. its proof that he’s learning how to be better, slowly but surely, and how to care about others properly. its sweet, genuinely and wholeheartedly

- hes not always rewarded by the narrative, and that makes him much more human to me, which i really appreciate. the biggest example i can think of is that he didn’t pass his provisional license exam on the first try. i think he’s gonna have a low point eventually, but hopefully, from there, he tries to build his way out into a better life as a better person

yeah

its just...very complex. he reminds me of myself, or at least a person i used to be. he actually reminds me of a couple combinations of ppl i used to be; just like bakugou, ive had smth similar to both a superiority and an inferiority complex in the past so its djkfjkdjnk,,,regrettably relateable,,,,,,not at the same time like he does but yknow the feeligns and how they clash are still there

but yeah. its bc he reminds me of myself i both hate him and like him.

like he reminds me of aspects abt myself i h a t e. i have issues w pride, i used to be a huge jerk (not to the degree he was, thank god, but i have a conscious now so when im reminded of how i used to be in like elementary school, i feel ashamed and since bakugou hasnt fucking,,,acknowledged,,the abuse he put midoriya through yet,,i get angry with him)

and the one guilt episode we saw him have reminded me of a very dark time in my life (2016) and its just. oh no. so thats where the anger fizzles out because i cant hate that more than i just feel pity abt it

in contrast, its bc he reminds me of things i hate abt myself that i have high hopes for him. i crawled out of the hole i was in; i made it through the stages of being a prick and then being thrust into a guilt-induced depression. im certainly not a good person, but im much better than i was

so just,,im already proof that ppl can change, but,,,,if i had a character to cling to when doubt came creeping in, i think that wouldve be great. i know im not the only one that feels like this. if bakugou can make the right turnaround, i think he could mean a lot to a bunch of people, me included

obviously the turnaround would have to be done right (and he better fucking beg for midoriya’s forgiveness) but i have hope that it can be

he has a long way to go, both in action and in word. but i am hopeful for his development. he reminds me of many things i hate about myself, but also to push on despite those things. my feelings about him are complicated due to that

yea. heres my book report sir djknkjnsknfjkn

[shattered-catalyst]

So this  isnt for anything other than just to say what happened just so I feel heard and I can explain why I cant be as energetic and socially active on here. Its not a callout post or to be reblogged/shared by people. Its not to get anyone in trouble or to cause any reaction. It’s just for me to let it out and reclaim this space again. Its been a year since it happened and I guess I’m just still noticing how badly it has impacted my PTSD. How much its changed me as a person both online and off, and this isnt a woe as me thing either this is just me feeling a need to be heard and explain my own behavior over the year and also to make one simple request of you guys: no matter what you do, always treat your rp partners as people first and writers second.

Because I feel myself becoming bitter and that isnt who I am and I dont want to be someone like that. Or like this. I want to be me again

The person who did this wont be named mainly because they dont deserve it and yall dont need to know. Their behavior when I confronted them more than cements the impression that they dont see any harm in what they said and how they reacted. And again this isnt about them though In A Way I suppose it is? it takes two to tango but it takes one to encourage someone to kill themselves.

This is going to be long because I need to inform on the activity that lead up to this  because it didnt just happen over night- though in a way it did. But you need a better picture of this person because apparently they present a really great face that only a few of us see the manipulative and toxic side of.

This person was always very judgemental and hyper critical. I witnessed a lot of very negative and toxic behavior from them but I was naive and just hoped they would mature as they grew older and gained more independence. I thought it was just a toxic friend group and that perhaps she would recognize her self destructive and immature behavior and grow from it. 

My first red flag should have been when they accused me of being their ex girlfriend SOLELY because I was living in PA. I hate to break it to yall, but PA is a big ass state and has a lot of comic book loving ladies. Thankfully I have never met this person IRL and I hope I never do.

They tried to pull me into making fun of other muns on discord, including mocking sensitive pictures from a mun’s personal blog. I blatantly said it wasnt okay and made me uncomfortable and she continued laughing and making jokes about it with her friend group on discord. She kept trying to pull me into it no matter how often I tried to change the subject.

Her group of friends also did this thing where one of them would go interact with a mun an they would take screenshots of the convo and share it with the group and mock the mun they were interacting with. Whether it be their presentation of character/grahics/writing style/ etc.

The other red flags I ignored? How much she complained and mocked other muns and compared them to me; if anyone did anything or said anything she disagreed with it was an instant blow up. She took EVERYTHING personally including other people writing the same characters she did, having differing headcanons, not knowng obscure details about canon, etc.

She once tried to make fun of a new writing partner I had who was writing the same character, and I had to break it to her that this new person could write in her first language if she wanted to; im being very vague but let me just say if you and your character have the same first language and you want to write in it then its completely WRONG for a white mun to try and make fun of you for it.

She once suggested I had stolen pictures off her pinterest when she sent me a moodboard request for my character. Jokes on her I didnt even know she HAD a pinterest and I had gotten all my pictures from the ‘green aesthetic’ tag on tumblr. Which I told her but she kept pushing the idea on me I had stolen them. I of course dismissed this and put it on the back burner despite the alarm bells going off.

This hyper critical and paranoid behavior continues with everything from other canon blogs making similar head canons/ vaguely similar graphics/ to fanfiction authors having similar head canons/plot ideas.

My penname Citrus? I didnt want one. I didnt want it. She demanded I have a pen name and if not she was going to call me Cat. Now as yall know I dont like being enmeshed with my muse so I keep myself separate from them. I didnt like being called Cat and I told her that explicitly. She kept doing it. So I had to make a pen name because she refused to respect my boundaries.

When the Deadpool movie came out she DEMANDED I change my FC to reflect the movie Despite Not Changing Hers to reflect her own characters new look - which might i add is fat erasure. It was clear then that the rules and standards she held other people to didnt apply to herself. I was labeled problematic for not giving into her demands to change FCs (which I have a literal logical reason for not changing and im not explaining that here)

So I shouldve left. Long story short I didnt because every friendship I’d been in until around this time had been abusive and toxic. I thought this was all normal behavior for people to have and I was convinced I was just being critical of someone elses opinions/ insensitive etc. Thanks to my colleagues in graduate school and to several of you on here I learned that ‘hey dumbass friends dont treat your ass like this’.

Im leaving a lot out about the shit she did/said to me but those snippets give you an idea of things.

Leading up she decided to leave fandom and asked we didnt talk about marvel I said cool okay and didnt talk about marvel with her. If I did I would ask first if she was okay if we talked about one small aspect I thought might excite her/ she would like to know about but it wasnt often that happened because she began ghosting me. Hard. She stopped replying to me at all over discord when I would try and talk to her how we used to about our lives. She didnt answer any asks for munday or character development, in fact she blatantly ignored me.

I checked in a couple times with her to make sure I hadnt done anything to make her uncomfortable and she said no. May I emphasize she said no here. Im emphasizing it right now. She said no. She said everything was fine. So when I was like hey dude this is super triggering for me can you send me like a hi every once in awhile just so I can know we’re okay because its super triggering for me. Yall know what she did? She ‘lmao’-ed. she thought that was hecka funny. Yeah triggering ‘Citrus’ is hilarious isnt it? No it isnt and I shouldve cut her ass off right then and there.

Heres where shit gets confusing: she kept fucking talking about marvel to me. Id get messages at random times about marvel and then silence for weeks. I vividly remember during this period I was cleaning the museum vault and she kept messaging me about her marvel fc’s and how she wouldnt get a plotline and how characters were wrong etc.

I remember being REALLY confused because she had said NO MARVEL. But here she was bitching at me about marvel. In fact thats all she did when she did talk to me. Which was only like three or four times during the ghosting time period. She’d bitch about marvel and then vanish.

Shed make claims about not watching her dash and thats why she never responded to me/ interacted with me. She’d say she wasnt talkng to anyone while I see her on the dash TALKING TO PEOPLE and Id like to point out Ive told her I would be fine ending anything as long as she let me know.

but she followed me on every blog and throughout this time period she made and followed me on numerous ones. She kept reaching out sporadically to bitch about her fcs/how horrible marvel was/ and thats it. 

It was extremely confusing because if someone doesnt want to talk to me I assume they will; 1. unfollow 2. block 3. say goodbye 4. ghost and stay ghosted.

Not cycle through behavior rapidly. I asked her a few times if we were good and that I was confused and I got another ‘lmao’ reaction so I assumed we were good. At this point I still have no idea what was going on/ what message I was supposed to be receiving other than confusion.

So following this is heavily suicide tw and I encourage you not to read this part and to scroll down until the suicide tw is over which is highlighted in bold- if you’re triggered by that because I care about those who follow my blog.

So thats when this shit happened. I had tried reaching out to her on a different fandom platform to try and maintain the friendship. Because she said numerous times that we were friends. So like I reached out thinking maybe she just didnt want a marvel blog period.  It wasnt too long after that that she suicide baited me.

I was in a really bad place and had been for awhile and when I posted about how the only thing holding me on was the new comic coming out and specifically said “im seriously suicidal and this comic is the only thing giving me hope #idk what to do anymore ”. I was surprised when she liked the post.

I was three steps into a four step plan. I had everything but the method planned out and was just waffling along with that. Because yknow its complicated and you do it you make it count amiright. Right. I was in a fucked up place. I had just realized I was gay, I was horrendously depressed, I was in considerable physical pain, I was working 70 hours a week, my OCD was at an all time high and the only thing that kept me on this earth was a fucking comic book. You hold onto what you need to yknow?

WELL APPARENTLY NOT

Because this person who doesnt read her dash? This person who doesnt want to talk about anything? Liked that post where I specifically stated I was suicidal and sent me a discord message saying “dont have hope”.

Thats all it said “dont have hope”

Now I know what youre thinking but hold on because it gets worse.

I said something about being confused I dont really remember because I was pretty out of it. I do remember she kept going on about how horrible the comic would be and that it would be a piece of trash. I remember telling her I was really numb and in a bad place and couldnt feel anything. I remember her sending me screencaps and continuing to go ON AND ON about how it wasn’t worth reading.

I remember with gross intensity how someone who said they were my friend was taking away the only thing that was keeping me alive.

I dont remember how the conversation ends. I called out of work for the next three days. I was catatonically depressed and unable to really move. I didnt eat either. I went to internship, work, and school in a state of dissociation.

 I took screencaps of everything and set them aside for later. IDK what I was going to use them for but I set them in a folder on my desktop, looking back I regret what I did next; because I deleted them. I deleted them because I thought maybe she had been manic or drunk and hadn’t realized the scope of what was happening. I wanted to talk to her about it and clear things up because I believed in her. I believed there was no way she would be so callous as to do that on purpose. No way would someone try and get someone they called a friend to kill themselves. So I deleted the screencaps and my post on tumblr. I deleted all evidence to protect her and I encourage you all never to fucking do that even if you think that person misunderstood the gravity of your situation. Because if you’re wrong no ones going to believe you.

I remember shifting between intense depression and total denial.

I spent the rest of that month in and out of intense dissociative states when I wasnt in class or working with my clients.  During the middle of October my sister sent me pictures of a litter of puppies and I was like ‘well, i really need to either kill myself or make sure i dont’. I spent a few days continuing to waffle with that decision but then i remembered my mom cosigned my loans and I cant leave her with that debt because fuck we cant even afford my funeral to begin with. So I adopted a dog, I named him Julio to remind me to keep living and he finally came to me on halloween.

He was the only reason I left bed on my days off. I tried not to think about it but I did.  

I continued to spiral with heavier dissociative episodes and vivid nightmares about it.

SUICIDE TW OVER

I waited until Christmas to ask her to clarify the situation and let her know I no longer felt comfortable writing with her. I reminded her what happened and told her to check her discord if she wanted to see for herself etc.

She sent two long asks of combative, emotionally abusive, and gaslighting accusations. The first thing she did was say I needed to provide evidence if I went around making accusations like that. Then she cascaded into how I always talked about marvel *points up to where i explained what happened earlier*.  She tried gaslighting me like a champion and tried turning me into a horrible person the only problem is everything she was accusing me of doing was the shit she was doing to me. Everything. 

Even if I was bad at any time I had given her numerous chances to tell me I was overstepping a boundary- she always said no. I gave her numerous times to unfollow me if she wasnt interested in interacting with me- she never did. In fact I had unfollowed her that month because of her behavior towards me and she hadnt even noticed.

I let her know I could tell she was angry,  and that I didnt take receipts of private conversations because I believed in settling things like adults, and that if she ever wanted any proof it was all in her discord anyway. I let her know she could contact me to apologize but otherwise I didnt want her on any of my blogs and I told her the first thing she should have done wasnt demand receipts but she should have asked if I was okay. Its a real reflection of where her priorities were when she demands evidence rather than checks to see if a writing partner is okay.

Even if I did something horrible it doesnt warrant someone trying to get me to end my life. 

I was notified she put a post on her blog apologizing to her followers for being a bad friend and that she was a horrible person and ofc everyone was like ‘noooo youre perfect’ and its like ya thats not for me who hasnt followed her in months- thats to save face.

Her friends blogs kept visiting my profile and going through the month where this happened.

Everything she did and said was to save face. Her blog and her reputation are the only thing she cared about. She has never approached me to apologize or anything of the sort and I doubt she ever will. I would hope she would never do this again and I hope she has grown as a person since. That her life is better and her mother is okay, that shes happy and learning. 

 I know by posting this I will never receive an apology- then again i never expected one to begin with. I could go through all the trouble of restoring the deleted files but to be honest it isnt worth it because theres no room in my life for that type of toxicity.

Since this happened I:

I have stronger episodes of depression and dissociation since.

My PTSD has increased and I have week long spikes in anxiety attacks, depression and decreased self worth if I even see her around the rpc despite being blocked, blacklisted on xkit etc.

Have more difficulty completing basic self care tasks due to an increase in depression and a decrease in self worth.

I have nightmares about this event and her to this day a year later.

I cannot interact with the RPC how I once did as I fear seeing her on my dash or any sort of information getting back to her about me.

It took me half a year to see the character she wrote as as safe again and for awhile I couldnt even look at him without experiencing an anxiety attack.

I keep having nightmares. Its been a year and I still have nightmares about this.

I find myself having more difficulties connecting with people online especially on this blog. I’m constantly on edge when interacting with people and I feel spikes of anxiety at the merest thought of someone talking about me to her.

I find myself unable to have confidence as a writer or creator online because I have been reminder of the cement wall between oc characters and their canon counterparts.

I cannot go out and just follow anyone and be friendly and trusting with them anymore, even with people I already know. In the back of my mind is a constant reminder of how she and her friends used to check up on people and pretend to write with them/ interact with them just to take screenshots of conversations to share with the group. I have become a paranoid little bitch in the past year is what Im saying. like theres 0 need for that shit.

I blocked most of the people she interacted with simply to save myself from being triggered by her blogs/ mentions of her and that isnt fair to those people.

I remember the photo incident and how people derived such joy from mocking someones body. I can think of so many incidents of them making fun of others and I remember how that could be happening about me rn, and I wonder if anyone would stick up for me like I did for the other mun.

 I hope by posting this I can try and return to the person I was before this happened. I can try and not be so bitter and reach out again to others. That somehow I can continue working on making tumblr a safe place for me again and not a PTSD laced minefield.

I would like to remind this isnt a callout and I request if you know who this is about you dont say anything to them. This isnt for them. They have NEVER reached out to apologize for their actions. They have NEVER checked to see if I was okay after that. They have NEVER shown any remorse for encouraging me to kill myself and while I hope they’ve grown from the situation and will never do it again I doubt I will ever get closure from such an event. But i DO hope by writing this I can take this place back.

Consider this my first step towards bringing this up to a therapist.

 Consider this another step to me taking this blog back and feeling safer here; and maybe just maybe Ill make up a cool pen name for myself and own that shit.

If you’ve read this far thank you for your patience with me, and I request you always treat your writing partners like the people that they are. 

This post is not intended or written to leave this blog and therefore I request you not reblog it or share segments of it with ANYONE. If I find you have shared anything on here without my explicit permission I will block you.

‘Citrus’

[yumipimu]

yeah he doesnt actually care. he shouldnt, i dont, we all dont. no one said that when antis shit on dream for no reason since the start of his flourish on youtube. they have labelled dream as homophobic and queer-baiting, hated on dream because of his speedrun mistake and then turns into mindless attacks, and now he is racist and islamphobic apparently? why should he care now? why should we care about you guys, when no one ever apologizes for the impact they have caused on dream all these years anyways? when no one is taking accountability, why do you demand one specific person to?

honestly, just move on already. i understand that many of the people are neurodivergent, and is not very good at dealing with these sort of things - but hear me out, it might come across as a weird concept to some, but people are multi-faceted, i dont know how many times i have to say it. a single tweet or action does not define a person. I've said the words n*gga and r*tarted years ago, thinking it was cool. it wasn't, and i'm glad i didn't offend anyone, but no one our age was activating for racism back then. we were just young teenagers trying to be edgy and cool while being ignorant of what the words actually mean. does that define who i am now? it doesn't, i love people from all nationalities the same, and i dont feel associated with what i decided to say years ago. think about it yourself, have you ever said something really bad years ago? wont you feel the same as me? if someone dig it out from our long gone past, sure we can choose to address it, thats proper and kind to do so. but well, dream addressed it and none of the antis listened anyways btw. or we can also choose to not address it, because what the fuck, why are people bringing it up when it's so clearly shown in my actions that i've grown already? it's just a really weird action, even using "wayback machine in forensic science" as if they're hired detectives. there is no rights or wrongs, no must-dos or must-nots.

you see, people change. your memory of one stays the same, but every day a person experience a bit more, and it shifts further away from their past self. people are not defined by one tweet, or one word/action that has been said/done years ago, or a friend they have, or a person they follow on social media, etc. just put yourself in the cc's shoes. "block me if you love dream" imagine you have a friend that has a friend you dont really like at school. u wont directly cut contact with your friend, thinking that they are going to be as bad as the person you dislike right 😅 because you know your friend, you understand their intentions, and you just move on and try to prevent interacting with your friend's friend. yeah, it doesn't make sense to me. i love dream but im not the same as dream? i love all mcyts tbh, do i have to block people who hates each mcyt individually? what if the person is actually a, say, tommy fan, and i like tommy as well?

it really makes sense to me how this whole community is just a bunch of emotionally immature minors, neurodivergent or not. i dont really enjoy staying in any of the communities, i dont fully feel comfortable because the subtwts i love being in rejects the other subtwts that i also love being in, and its an awkward feeling - i just dont really feel like i belong anywhere (perhaps except phil's/techno's because they dont really use twitter so their subtwts are not well-formed). but I understand where theyre coming from, why they feel this way, even tho i very much disagrees. its not their problem, when u look at tbe bigger picture and see how much unnecessary pressure that online fame brings to ccs, and realize how terrible it has always been.

anyways, no true hate here. i just hope that my stance can be somehow respected and understood by others, and not get shit on for no reason. and i hope that people on twitter (on ALL subtwts, incl my fav benchtwt & dttwt because im not gonna protect ppl there. they can be fucking stupid) can be a tad bit more mature - if you're too young please get off the app.

.

when we grow up, we will realize that saying sorry to everything isnt the way to go. i used to say sorry a little too much - it was really just because i felt like a nuisance to everyone, i felt like all that i do was mistakes. but god i was so wrong. people will try to pick on things i did and try to bring me down, when its obvious that im not this kind of person. yeah, dont say sorry for that! say fuck you instead. when has dream been a single bit of homophobic? he has always been generous on donations. yeah, fuck you! and now theyre saying islamphobic?? he probably didnt even know what that word meant years ago. apologize for what you said in the past is fine, but nothing more. why will someone even remotely think dream is specifically against their religion, when dream has always been so accepting to all communities? yeah, fuck them! no one cares, not him, not us.

[pilotheather]

ep 5

- the way that "conversion plate" had a fucking GRIP on theories this past week... screaming and gagging and throwing up. i saw alternate dimension theories from it. all this that and the other my goodness me.

- yas in that waistcoat ohhhhhhhhhhh my goodness me teehee (fans self)

- yas ATTACKING IN THE WAISTCOAT WELL NOW MY GOODNESS ME........ GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME

- that man really did just kill himself on their floor. yaz really did say just chuck him overboard. girl..... girlll.

- my goodness me.

- girlie shes been there 3 years girlie OK- RIGHT NOW HANG ON WHY HAS THE BEST YAS AND 13 INTERACTION BEEN WHEN THEYRE NOT EVEN FUCINSRGBUOPJIBJOF. WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY. BUT ALSO MISERABLE. DO NOT SEPARATE THEM. YOU KEEP DOING IT.

- dan.......... mate.

- oh what the fuck are we getting answers

- ... aaaannddd the answers are BORING! RESPECTFULLY<3.

- like division is this ... well i guess.

- i dont know how to say this but like again this series HAS cracked down and its made some major improvements in terms of the show having a better pulse, better characters, and improvement on dialogue (though it could be better) and thats been immense for terms of enjoyment but NONTHELESS its jsut like....

- again chibnalls fuckin . i dont know. so much of it despite that still jsut doesnt work for me, my love. like "division controls everything"- like i just dont care, babe.... its like ur trying so hard to like think of something so big and momentuous and status quo shifting. like oh the universe has secretl- like quit it! stop it! (slaps your hands) bc its so HARD to pull tht shit off right and with this ... wargh. warhg.

- OH ARE SWEET BEL AND VINDER ABT TO REUNITE

- multiverses

- im throwing up sorry the conversion plate. fine sure

- also wait now. oh for gods sake

- so the principle of why i hated the timeless child wasnt even necessarily the whole "rewriting lore" - like i do not care ! i truly... its nothing to me, you know? im fine with that like im whatever girl. its the whole... insisting that the doctor is this important figure and shifting the axis of, like, HER. like insisting she's special and whatnot. the whole The Chosen One idea.... bc i dont like that. i dont like the doctor being that. and

- NOW insisting that- so the entire universe ... is ripping apart bc of her BEING BR. RIGHT . OKAY. WHATEVER GIRL.

- and so she's her. tecteun. ok. yeah.

- timeless children and whatnot.....

- unit.............................

- them baiting the grand serpent with the tardis . thats so fucking funny

- well uhm awks

- ough creacture.

- back to timeless child sigh

- i will say i love her fancy little hat. its rather fun.

- DI . SOMEONE WITH A GUN. GIRL.

- DIANA SAYS THEY DONT CALL ME DI BC ITS SHORT FOR DIANA FUCKING GETS YOU GETS YOU GETS YOU

- the general pacing now ive got a better gist of, the show... i dont know i feel like whats happened in THIS episode has now been rushed a lot

- and i think the sontaran episode... hm im now also so split on tht bc i did really love how it was its own thing and can stand on its own but also. it being like that has me like ehhhhhehhh. bc its like- that and the angels and even ep 3. like i dont know it feels so strange the parts they choose to spend so much time in then the parts they choose to condense. eh yknow

- FETCH YOUR HUMAN

- SCREAMING AND CRYING AND THROWING UP

- god this ood looks fucking good. my god they fucking made this ood look so fucking good. god yeah!

- big fancy house. dont know what it means. but all you girlies, deep into the lore are shaking in your boots when you see that crusty little house. good for you girls!

- UH HUH?

- THIS GIT?

- joseph williamson scooby doo gang in a corridoring his way through this fucking show

- GET HIS ASS

- RUDE OLD MAN IN THE TUNNELS. ISNT THAT WHAT WE ALL ASPIRE TO BE

- WOULD be proper funny if she found out she's been like 2 fucking people and one of them slipped on a bathmat after a self care sunday.

- EVERYONE LAUGH AT THE FACT WE ALL POINTED AT THE UNIT STUFF AND SAID "OH ITS COMING BACK" AND ITS A FLASHB- girl.... is he about to get kate because that will be very fucking funny.....

- kate.

- girl you're not going to get kate that easy... they'd be so mad

- help if they do though . GOD imagine.- OSGOOD NAME DROP. ALL THE LESBIANS GOING FUCKING BONKERS SOMEWHERE.

- HII BESTIENISTAAAAA HIII HIII LURV YOU- BEL DONT KILL THE BESTIE. BESTIE DONT KILL BEL.

- CHEEKY GIT AND CHEEKY MISS

- endless death sayss the rude little tunnels man .

- THE SONTARANS ARE BACK . HI. HELLO.

- RIGHT SO WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU THEN. COME ON SWARM AND AZURE. RIGHT O. DO SOMETHING FUN.

- swarm said i'll kill your fucking mommy issues so

- well what the dickens was all that

[noidsome]

The big issue with the digimon tri movies, and why you should be pissed too.

I just finished watching the 5th digimon movie, and to put it short, i excpected nothing and im still let down. This is a big negative critique on what ive seen so far from the tri movies, but its also more of a vent for me, because theres something about these movies that really fucking grinds my gears and i feel i finally need to let that out somewhere. Look at this as a sort of....badly written analyctic rant. So far this movie, in short, was as i dreaded, 70% meiko bullshit and 20% kari...which is so fucking insulting i dont even know...but thats why im here.

Now before you assblast me with your stupid crap, please try to understand that as harsh as im writing this, im trying to look at this movie from a critical standpoint, and no im not going to put in the effort to be “nice” about it because if digimon tri can get away with half assing everything about itself, then wont bother. If you cant handle that, move on. If your interested, click the read more and we can begin this shit fest, because i think its about god damn time someone put these mediocre movies in their place.

The pacing.

I dont know about you guys, but to me it feels like these movies, or episodes, are either dragging on forever, or they rush really fast. This movie especially took its sweet ass time to give us 2 whole half an hour scenes of meiko being depressed about her shitty OC digimon, to leave the actual interesting fights and plot to 1 and a half episode, out of 4. Im sorry but i feel like ive been following this fucking story for 6 years, its so fucking slow and it drags on for fucking ever sometimes.

I do understand that its important to establish character interactions, and god damn does this fucking series need some, but sometimes it really stops the action dead in its tracks, and as much as i appriciate the movies giving each character some focus, it goes on for too long. the ending to movie 5 was....well rushed as shit. 

But despite all this, its just really frustrating that half the entire series is just them standing around and TALKING...talking talking talking, exposition exposition exposition. It also feels really slow and stagnated sometimes, and the cheesy music in the background of the sad scenes dont really help much. And other times things are glossed over so fast that im standing there wondering if i missed out on something because i accedently blinked. Like how they entered the digital world, only to just suddently fall out of it immediatly after from a big digital gate just like that. Or how meiko just...SUDDENTLY appeared in the digital world with no warning or real reason. huh?? shes here now?? what?? meicoomon is still infected? what?? gennai is back with the dark masters? what where did they come from? why are they following him!? WHAT?? HUH??? HELLO???

im just….frustrated. im frustrated that i have to wait for 6+ months every a new movie comes out, only for the movie to stall for fucking ever and leave the actual OH SHIT moments to the last part, AND END ON A CLIFFHANGER. Its such fucking god damn bait to get us to watch the other movies, its almost INSULTING how incredibly obvious it is. Last movie ended with gennai fucking around and choking meiko. Then, as i saw my fat ass down in the chair, waiting for the big battle, no meicoo just...opened portals and then left with her copy paste army. Oh well so much for that. 

Then the digidestined actually FALL OUT OF THE DIGITAL WORLD, and they are right back to standing around and getting chased by the cops...and then they spend THE REST OF THE EPISODES on meikos useless crying and baiting for meichi shipping material. im sorry but was that neccecary? was it neccecary to stop the entire god damn movie just so we could have tai standing there with spaghetti falling out of his pockets? and the mega evolutions for the other digimons felt really rushed too, i had hoped for more build up...but guess i get fuck alll.

The filler.

Now i do enjoy myself a little “filler” once in a while, i wont lie. and i will also not lie when i say that i really enjoyed seeing my boi tais hot nipple-less body. But, again…. DID WE NEED THE FIRST HALF BEING JUST THAT?! i swear to fucking god if you cut out all the filler content from these movies your going to get the entire series down to 5 episodes. Movie 2 was just...filler. fucking filler. i didnt have much issue with movie 3 but they just NEEDED to shove more meiko in..

movie 4 was kind of a bitch to sit trough because the whole damn “plot” made no sense. why was soras digimon the only one who was mad and while the others were just like before? why JUST her? why couldnt the others be like that too? Its just plot convenience at this point. and then it was pretty much just watching tai and matt spew spaghetti out of their pockets and be awkward because sora cant communicate with her friends like a normal person. Honestly it was a little charming at first but it got old pretty quickly…and then dark masters out of nowhere that died as fast as they came on. what a rushed little cameo for that extra nostalgia bait.

Honestly i found myself first liking the character interactions a little once the movies took a break from the action and fighting...but i much more often found myself angrily tapping my foot and going “REEEE MOVE ON.”

The god damn meiko.

Alright you all saw this one coming probably. Now let me just start by saying, i originally didnt mind meiko, or the idea of a new digitestined in the first place. Its welcoming to try and add something new to your otherwise soulless nostalgia cash grab. However we need to look at her from a critical stand point. im not trying to start a hate train, im just going to analyze her for how shes written as a character.

Im sorry to say this guys, but no matter how you look at her, shes a mary sue. Im sorry but all the tropes are there!! but why do i feel this way? heres why:

Her digimon is the sole reason for everything going to shit.

her digimon is in adult stage like gatomon just because.

essentially her digimon is “special”

all the other kids befriended her really fast just because.

everyone likes meiko and nobody seems to have a problem with her

shes the typical “uguu” shy type of girl.

her digimon OF COURSE won the costume contest in movie 2 or 3

leomon finds HER DIGIMON adorable enough to make the others run off... of course….

she cries constantly and does nothing but wine as the others hold her.

She takes up MAJORITY of the screentime for almost all movies. Almost.

POSSIBLY a relationship with the main character, if they actually are baiting us with those scenes in movie 5.

acts and feels like a self-insert OC in a canon universe.

The reason i dont like her is just because im SICK OF HER!! im sick of seeing her fucking face every god damn movie. im sick of the others shoving a friendship speech or talking about her belonging to them for the 700th GOD DAMN TIME, im sick of constantly hearing ME-MEI and MEIKOOOOOO, and im so fucking sick of seeing her sit down and cry or act sad and do NOTHING! shes just THERE TO BE THERE! her “cute little sneezing quirk” wasnt even something they bothered keeping any more. Shes so god damn obnoxious and shallow, and the ENTIRE HALF OF THE 5TH MOVIE WAS SPENT SHOVING MORE FRIENDSHIP SPEECHES IN HER FUCKING HEAD UNTIL SHE NUTTED UP AND STRAIGHT UP TOLD THE OTHERS TO AXE OFF MEICOOMON, while kari got 5 fucking minutes and got posessed or some shit i dont fucking know, does anyone care at this point?! 

shes such a god damn self insert its PAINFUL! and ive read plenty of crappy OC digimon fanfiction in my days to be able to tell when someone props their crappy OC in a canon story. IVE DONE IT MYSELF!! its INSULTING that im watching a canon produced digimon FANFICTION more then an actual OVA. If you like her, FINE, but you CANT ignore how incredibly shallow and flawed shes written. This isnt someone “hating female characters” this is someone whos frustrated a shittly written character who is just causing repetitive sob scenes over and over and over. im sorry but have we not gotten enough flashbacks from meiko and her digimon? do we need 4 more in the fifth movie??? WE GET IT! ITS SAD! SHES SAD!! THEY ARE FRIENDS! MOVE ON ALREADY!!

i dont feel bad for her anymore, its just getting repetitive now. She ate up the entire 5th movie and left nothing to kari but the sloppy leftovers at the end, and because she ran off like an idiot to meicoomon she got tai axed off too……………...but i will get to that.

The lack of animation.

The biggest insult, and this is….dare i say…….something coming from an animation student, is the insufferable animation. The first movie is fine, but from thereon, i feel like the quality dropped significantly. and oh boy, dont get me started on the amount of time they just pan a fucking picture instead of animating them doing shit.

im sorry but did i wait 4-6 months for a fucking clipshow? I know that animating is hard, and the animation industry in japan is absolute fucking shit, but come the fuck on guys. i think movie 5 had so many times where they just panned pictures of the digimon fighting, and the kids running. I guess when you put all your budget into overanimating the short action scenes you got, you dont have much left for them to trow a punch outside of that. and i wouldnt mind if they had just bothered not doing it so much. they do it WAY TOO OFTEN!

in the 4th move they didnt even fucking bother drawing the kids wet while they were in the water. no wet droopy hair, no indication the clothing was soaked, nothing. not a god damn fucking detail or anything.

The nostalgia bait

Hey kids, remember the bus in the digital world??? remember the gear desert? remember the house mimi was a princess in?? remember the pink forest? remember seadramon? remember the dark masters???? remember any of that shit!? remember primary village?! YEAH??? REMEMBER ALL THOSE COOL 01 THINGS??? ok cool, anyway moving on.

The lack of personality/soul

one thing im really passionate about is expressions. expressive characters and facial expressions i something i enjoy drawing a lot. in the original digimon, every character was spesifically designed to be its own thing. sure they stank of the 90s, but they wer UNIQUE. Digimon tri has trown all that shit out the window. Now they all look boring as hell. the only unique thing about them now is their hair. take that away, and you get a bunch of similar looking, boring samefaced characters.

the digimon movies are just so fucking SOULLESS! everyone looks so god damn watered down and tame compared to their former selves. everyone wears a school uniform even when they got summer vacation. they even wear school uniforms as they get to the digital world, and they have NO facial expressions. NONE! the way they talk and show emotions is almost nonexistant. even once they are seriously screaming at someone or focusing on something serious, they still have that stale, boring as shit facial expression. stone faced and COLD! its like you dont even care!! seriously its so frustrating to watch sometimes because they are so god damn bland and barely deviate at all from their typical “idle” face.

^count how many fucking times tai makes this face troughout the entire series. 

^am i the only one who thinks they looks very..bland and dull here? and this happens way too often.

seriously, watch the movies again and notice just how little the animators bothered giving them any fucking emotions. the screenshots here are just from a few minutes in the new movie.

And dont get me started on how everyone seemed so.........accepting of tais “death” i mean sure they might still be in shock,.....but......why did none of pic under appear???? 

WHy was everyone so.....noble??? except kari...who got....fucking owned.

and the digimon....most of them are just....comic relief now. i feel like most of them have little personality, but fucking agumon. what the FUCK have they done to agumon!? hes just a walking talking “i like to eat” joke. hes fucking nothinng. an empty boring sack of shit who just talks about food and NOTHING ELSE!! oh and maybe fights sometimes...but seriously.

The BAIT.

The trailers for these movies have made me fall into the bait they put out. But its getting infuriating now. All the trailer bait for movie 5 was just taken form the last 5 minutes of the film. that little teaser we all thought were going to show the dark ocean? yeah that was what….5 seconds at the very last minute of the movie? Hime was the one who went there, and they even rushed that part. 

remember when we all tought that tai was the kaiser because the animators thought they copy the excact same hairstyle? remember how they all baited us with the kaiser thinking we were gonna get some 02 action? i sure as FUCK do.

i LOVED the last minutes of the movies. i loved the last half of episode 3 and the entire episode 4… but im so fucking angry that i have to wait 4-6 months for the conclusion to when the movie was JUST GETTING INTERESTING! i fucking hate it!!

The 02 kids, or lack thereof.

Ok honestly ive completely forgotten about them, and i dont understand why they bothered putting them in this movie. and they give us absolutly nothing to go on for ALL of the movies! WHY? WHATS THE POINT?! with this series endless stalling, how can they possibly explain their absence or death or whatever in what little time we have left?! how will they half ass this?! i seriously dont get how they can begin with something so intense, only to give us absolutly nothing till the last movie, IF AT ALL!

Taichis “””””””””””””””””death.”””””””””””””””””

So the fuckers had the BALLS to kill off my boi tai. They actually went there. they fucking killed him off. AND LEFT IT ON A CLIFFHANGER! wow fucking good job guys, you sure got me there. i cant believe tai is fucking dead.

except wait a second here…..tai isnt dead. of course he fucking isnt. i mean come the fuck on, are you really expecting them to kill off their marketig king? the face of all their merc? PLEASE! we all fucking know that hes going to come back. THEY BASICALLY SPOILED THE MOVIES FOR US ALREADY, didnt they say in an interview far back that these movies were whats going to lead everyone up to their careers? so why the fuck would tai die when we know hes going to be an ambassador? 

i dont fucking understand why they even bothered with this fake ass death. WE KNOW HES GOING TO COME BACK! im not mad that tai “died,” im mad that they actually bothered making it a cliffhanger, as if we arent going to fucking figure out hes coming back in the next movie. WHATS THE POINT?! Are they going to just shove him off till the last 5 minutes of the last movie? is that it? are they going to do what they did to kari? or are we FINALLY going to see tai resolving his persional issues that have been shoved away to make room for everything else? who knows, who cares at this point?!

The conclusion

Digimon tri was something enjoyable for me to look forward to..but now, its just a bunch of frustrating, medicore, nostalgia cash-grabbing shitfests of movies, and i need to get it out of my system. 

Im angry because i have to wait 4-6 months between each movie only to get nothing. im angry that i have to wait 4-6 months for an hour long movie that has actual content thats 20 minutes long. im sick of having my excpectations set to low, only for them to be lowered even more. im sick of seeing meiko basically becoming the main characters as the others are somewhat side characters at this point. im sick of the shit-tier animation quality and the stone-bored dull surprise faces. im sick of wanting this to be good, only to see that the fucking directors and animators arent even fucking trying anymore. Im sad, that the sequel was put in the hands of incompetent fucks who only know digimon trough their most basic character traits, and nothing more.

i do like tri...and im sad to see it go so soon….but part of me wants to get this over with, because if you like it or not, tri isnt a passionate fan sequel. tri is a boring, mediocre cash grab, and im sad it cantt be more then that, and im sad its over soon...

[thegurlbehindthesmile]

I Wonder....

Hologram- The Technicolors plays in the background.

What race did i think i was in all this time? It was like this perpetual reminder constantly nagging me in my head...

what your 18 better not be singe for long-

 better go to college and forget about boys

- better get a degree and make lots of money

...married at 22 no degree - 

better excel in your career and climb the corporate ladder. 

hours of work and devotion 

BUT wait, dont work too hard you gotta have kids before your 30

what about an apartment- 

how about a trailer- 

how about a HOUSE. 

.. First son at 27- 

turning 30 at the end of this year. where did the time go?

...together for 11 years, married for 7 years, a 2 year old , a house, a dog, two cars.

i did exactly what i wanted to do in life.   i suppose.

don’t get me wrong i probably would seem obnoxiously ungrateful if i didn’t just stop there and say THANKS.

beautiful son. gorgeous husband.

the list goes on-  everything ive set my mind to in the past decade i have made come true.

NOW WHAT

i had this alarm in my head that i had to do “all this before 30″ why?? health reasons? statistic reasons? rumors? stories, why?

i feel like im rounding the last bend to a marathon i didnt even ask to be in? (or did i??!)

i think throughout my hussle and bussle (although i DID have SOME fun) i got lost in it all. I quickly entered the world of being 18 shattered battered and...engaged? positive that the love i was about to receive would catapult me into everything id ever needed.  (i guess it sorta did.)   career driven. beautiful. man on my side. ring on my hand “livin life” literally just climbing any career ladder i could- i had my “husband” as my cheerleader at my side. HUSBAND guys would say- “you’re to young”. yeah i got that ALOT. going to 21st birthday parties as the only married girl there. WHO WAS I.  we took married and young by the horns. i was so driven. you get over whelmed by the freedom. naturally you fall into some sort of rhythm because nice things cost money, and time just passes as you work and watch your work pay off. you feel accomplished. i was sure i saw my career in site and one would assume this WAS IT. this was the magic they talked about- enjoying your 20s- having a career u love- being MARRIED and secure. perfect...................

we were... the first couple to have an apartment. (so; big parties- no rules *rolls eyes)  we had a”wedding” so we had all these lovely gifts and things to lavish ourselves with in our first apartment. THE DREAM right?  just working and living and having fun. we traveled alot,, camped- we had big dreams to always be “like this” forever. in a moment (5 years into the beautiful maddness actually) we were sure we needed to materialize this power we had. this “love” we had needed to be a thing, a thing we wanted to nurture and bless and carry with us on our adventures. we had so much love we were ready to see what we could grow. (and grow it did- we had JP) 

the first year was hard- a new dynamic...we werent 2 anymore we were 3. and all of our decisions had a larger precaution. we wanted different things. rooted things. more stability. more direction. the air was different.

i was different.

i had put my career aside in my mind to concentrate on.on being something that something ELSE would flourish and grow beautifully in (um literally?) KIDS. i will be the first to tell you, kids were not on my radar (i just never saw myself as a kid person, i never understood the look parents give their little humans time after time- it confused me- it scared me i guess. it was just foreign.) till... i put allllll other thoughts aside. most definetly my first act of unconditional unselfish love. “hey self, we are about to give up our entire self to producing another human being” everything you smell eat touch. EVERYTHING. its like...well its like nothing youve ever gone through before until youve gone through it. we are fuckin amazing..the body can do some fuckin shit. COMPLETELY change in order to make this THING ... HUMANS and yeah. real hearts and lungs and little legs (oh and the hiccups, the awesome hiccups)

PHysically and mentally you go through some shit and although that may have been obvious to some- most??? it was not for me.

Mount Everest- Labrinth.

its just alot. im already not the best mentally- so to add this new function. emotional bandwith overload papi.

first its like 2,000 percent mom over load. YOU ARE A MOM and this teeny tiny creature needs you. NEEDS you. a need you thought you knew BUT YOU DO NOT. its this overwhelming warming beautiful amazing thing, the need a kid has for their parents. (i was IN IT- DEEP in IT)   IN love wasnt even the world. i do not loveeeee my son. my son IS LOVE. i can not explain it. but you get mentally rewired. i am not the girl i was before, im just not. 

i no longer wanted the career i had before. i no longer even wanted the LIFE i had before. i wanted more of this drug my son was giving me. this surreal daydream of laughs and kisses and just moments. time literally passes differently now. i see things differently now,  i feel things differently now. things have so much different meaning. i swear its as if im stuck in some molly, acid, shroom trip.

i feel like someone lit a fire to my soul and everything i touch now is illuminated differently.  when a person is growing inside you you can feel their heartbeat. you can feel the brush of their leg as they roll over to get comfortable. life has different meaning. LOVE has different meaning. love darling is caring you for 9 months and waiting with baited breathe for a stranger youve created. its a smell youve never smelled before and instantly is your favorite. its like you were never comfortable before they fell asleep in your arms, youve never known true peace until their skin was comfortable by yours. ITS PURE MAGIC .  i was different.  

some of the things i loved before, i- was confused about now. 

Love was different for me now,

how i wanted to give love.

how i wanted to receive love.

like a perpetual darkness was lifted from my eyes.

Wash.-Bon Iver

Im sorry i didnt know it would change ME. (im sorry about how cliche that sounds..)

from the moment i was little. it was go to school. get good grades. to go college. find a nice boy. get married. move in together, start a family- live happily ever after

but they leave out the nitty griddies. (even my own parents were divorced. who was anyone kidding) the years following our marriage all we heard about was how divorce was at its all time high. we vowed (among other things) that , that wouldnt be us. we both came from homes and divorce and we didnt want that for us. 

i think it was then that divorce became this ugly word. scary word. bad word.  i mean it is though..right?...

verb

1.legally dissolve one's marriage with (someone)

2.separate or dissociate (something) from something else.

we got married because. well im sure for different reasons?

i got married because,( it was what i was suppose to do?). you find someone you love and are attracted to and if your lucky enough to have them feel the same way- you... marry them. and thats that.you cant have kids or live with someone who you arent married too (said the stigma of my parents and those around me)  i mean i know theres more to it then that but a brief outline? leaving out all the mooshy stuff. you make this feeling legal, you change some names and now your not only emotionally reliant on this person but basically reliant on them for every fuckin single thing else too (basically).

marriage is beautiful.  if your lucky enough to find your soul mate in this world. someone who just gets you and enjoys your company and wierdness then your blessed and you would probably want to spend the rest of your existence with this person.  i mean it makes sense. 

its just as i’ve developed into this next stage of myself, ive made each of my actions have more purpose (i do this because everthing i do my son now sees and its just different now) howww i do something- what i say. i just think about it all and that includes the things i was naturally doing before that i never thought of.

marriage.  do i love my sons father yes. hes attractive and im attratced to him. hes funny and knows just how to make me laugh. its the little things. how he makes JP laugh or when their doing snuggles in his bed. how my son says Dada when hes upset or how he looks just like him. before my love for my husband was an array of things from love to lust- obsession. all the best and worse of love. we were inseparable. engulfed in each other in EVERY way, i knew we were in love and so did everyone around us. 

and then my son was born.

JP....i dont think you have to marry someone to show them how much you love them. i think true devotion starts with intention and your soul mate will know by your actions where your true feelings are.always be true. always be kind. i think if you want to love someone- love them fully, respectfully and unconditionally. learn and grow with them and from them and continue to make each other better people. and in that time you find your spark ignites another i employ you to indulge in meeting new people and new interactions. Make your heart full if you feel it hurting.  not bonded by anything physical but truly understanding that you were meant to love. REALLY LOVE. and maybe thats with one person forever, or a series of different people through out your life time in so many different and amazing ways. boys, girls.. just loving people and sparking the light in them only YOU can ignite. and becoming your best self.  only to continue to become your best self with that same intention for others. 

and thats my truth.   i look into your eyes and just want the best for you.knowing that’s different for you as it is me. but realizing i want to live by the example i want you to live by.

.... im not her anymore.

the day you were born i became someone new. 

[tumblunni]

The big post about how i love my sneasel who is great

Welcome to that post. It might get long.

Reaper the level 100 Naughty nature Sneasel with Keen Eye who experienced pokerus once and has contest ribbons from too many regions oh my gosh Leeeeeeets get going on how much I adore my little guy!

Okay, the story behind him. He is kinda unofficially my starter pokemon?

Cos of course there was no way to keep your mons from RBY and GSC back then, but I’d kinda only had one pokemon anyway. I was a dumb kid who just solo’d both games with my raichu Chuppy. And sadly I ended up losing them even before the whole transfer issue, someone stole my Gold cartridge during school and when I found it half smashed in the playground all the data had been corrupted. It did actually play though, just with some colour issues I think? I never really restarted cos it felt cruel to Chuppy to do it. So I’m happy that the virtual console rerelease let me reincarnate Chuppy and even make them a cool new alola form! (though they had a different gender this time, but meh i get to headcanon my chu is trans like me, haha) So yeah thats the story of my official first pokemon, but Chuppy didnt really have any personality or headcanons back then cos I was so new to the franchise. And Reaper ended up lasting way longer and sharing every single other region with me, so he kinda took the spot of ‘starter’ even if he wasnt ‘first’. (I still was really happy to welcome reincarnation Chuppy home tho!)

Reaper actually came from Pokemon Colosseum, of all places! His OT name is the completely-wrong ‘Tom’ cos he was from when I restarted my game after getting stuck and just buttonmashed one of the default names out of frustration. I actually caught him in a master ball just cos I was that excited to hug the lil guy! Sneasel was my fave gen 2 mon but i never managed to catch one actually in GSC, i didnt know it was limited to a rare encounter in the very last area. And even before I caught him I knew sneasel was in this game via guides, so i was waiting with baited breath and establishing headcanons even before i found him. Then I just COULD NOT WAIT, hence the master ball! XD I kinda preemptivel based him on the iron mask marauder’s sneasel from the celebi movie, cos shadow pokemon are similar to his brainwashing stuff. And I always liked his sneasel, scizor and tyranitar, for such minor roles they are. It was a nice nuance for the bad guy’s pokemon to be shown as VERY MUCH not evil, just enslaved by magic brainwashing and mistreated. It warmed my heart seeing them freeing each other and escaping in the end once the control was broken! But also it established sneasel as a really cool badass fighter that I wanted to have someday, yknow?

So yeah I got this guy from colosseum before I even played RSE, and he ended up being my ‘starter’ in that game so much that i cant even remember which one i picked. I boxed it right away and never thought about it again, I was a callous kid! It was actually really interesting playing ORAS and finally getting to see what the hoenn starters are actually like, lol And Reaper remained my best friend across like ELEVEN OR MORE REPLAYS of every single gen 3 game except emerald. Cos at that time in my childhood i literally did not have any other games. i spent around three or four years with just sapphire, leafgreen and final fantasy tactics advance. (Oh boy that game’s script is stuck in my brain for all time) And getting attatched to the characters and making new ones all the time was how i kept from getting bored this way ^_^ Buuuuut... it kinda meant that I just discarded most of them super fast to make more. the only other pokemon that migrated to sinnoh with Reaper was Nether the sableye, who was kinda his rival/best friend. (Tho I mispelled it as Neava so he’s stuck that way, lol. And both of them are in all caps forever...) Nether is kinda the basis for my recent oc Malachi, so he’s like an entirely different story for another time. But he was my Sapphire buddy and Reaper was one region older via the power of spinoffs.

And oh man yeah i totally loved the shadow pokemon plot lol! I just headcanoned his plot with regards to that was the same as the marauder’s mons. Perfectly nice tiny sneasel boy is kidnapped and experimented upon by evils, but my love saved him and now he is soft once more. He didnt really have much angst from it, but it helped such a wild spirit grow to trust my hero and trust humans in general after such a rocky introduction to them. I imagined it was like training a dangerous dog to be a police canine, with that arm guard thing that they bite! Shadow pokemon training must be WAY more tough than it seems on the surface! So like ash’s charizard plot, where it ends up with really fire forged family love after all the hardship. I think that before he met my trainer he was just like a loner robin hood type character who valued his freedom and thought that tamed pokemon were all wusses. But alas, he was forced to experience human hugs, and now he’s addicted! but he’d still be quite rebellious and wild and have a lot of goofy cute interactions as he tries to learn all this complicated stuff about being a pet. Why cant I pee on the carpet?? Why do I have to eat pellet food? Why are you mad when i bring you dead mice and pidgey eggs?? bad bad influence on the other mons, but also a softhearted big bro who WANTS to be a good influence. He pretends to be all aloof and stoic cliche angsty antihero, but always messes up and looks cute instead! And he gets crushingly sad if any of his lil siblings actually does get afraid of him. Noooo the grumpyness is for the humans! Not for you!! No-one is allowed to pet the sneas except the other pokemon. It my duty to protect my new pack of strangely shaped sneasels! Oh and he likes booze. In human terms he’d be around 25-30, but still its not good for animals to drink human liquor. Never stopped him though! He’d always find ways to sniff it out and swipe half-finished cans from the trash and stuff. Bad angstman! I know thats part of your archetype but stop it!

So... basically he was like.. cloud? original version from ff7 where he was sassy and goofy sometimes, except reaper is like that all the time with less angst and pretty much zero ego. He’s just like a kind yet not completely competant fun uncle who tries his best to put up a cool guy front to impress the kids (and push away scary humans) but his innate sweetness means he always messes up. And he’s super tsundere about the fact he considers his trainer part of his infinate pack of children, even if every other human is DANGER MODE. Must protect this human from the other ones! Must teach them the ways of the sneas! Oh, and I imagined his appearance as a gijinka would be kinda like Squall from ff8. cos he actually started off as a parody of that unlikeable angstman archetype, and i didnt even know Cloud existed until yeaaaars later. (Played the ffs completely out of order...) So i figured he’d be like squall but with dark skin and a kinda sirus black hairstyle. (Cos that guy contributed the kind uncle part of his inspiration!) Oh and of course a sneasely colourscheme for the fur coat. And I ended up making him hold Blackglasses so often that it was an in-joke that he actually wore shades 24/7 even in normal pokemon form XD

When I first got him in Collosseum he was really useful for his Brick Break move, and im actually really happy that the brick break image on bulbapedia is the collosseum sneasel using it! It was very very good as one of the few mons available with that move in the very limited choices you had for that game. But his signature move kinda ended up being Surf, even though his stats would have been awful for it even if I’d ev trained him properly XD I just found it so bizarre that sneasel of all things could learn that HM! I imagined he formed a surfboard out of ice to carry the trainer, cos there’s no way you could stand on the back of a 30cm tall weasel...

And man lets just have some random sneasel headcanons now!

* Their feathers exist to sense wind fluctuations, which are useful in their natural environment to anticipate snowstorms and track prey in low visibility.

* The ear feather is just for this, its the more sensitive one. The tail feathers are more for manipulating objects and other day to day life. They’re more matted and dont really have the same hearing ability, but the joints are way more flexible so they can be moved independantly like three actual tails. Sneasels can pick up small delicate objects by brushing them up between the tails, then rolling them down their back to reach their mouth. they also use the tails to brush away dirt, hide their tracks in the snow, form surprisingly intricate igloo-like nests and groom their fur with the utmost precision.

* Sneasels will outright resent any attempts to groom them by anyone but their closest human friend, since inevitably humans cant do as good of a job. But humans can scratch behind your ears and give cuddles, so it all works out!

* In the wild, sneasels eat primarily eggs, some nuts and berries, scavenged semi-rotten meat and not so much live prey. Even though they’re very skilled, they’re also very fragile and cautious because of it. They’ll only hunt in extreme situations, instead preferring to confuse and mislead their way to dinner. Sneasels are very social and loyal to each other even if they’re not to anyone else. Their most common strategy is the whole pack wards off a dangerous foe while one lone unit sneaks past and robs that pokemon’s food stores, to share with the family. Even if they’re forced to hunt their own prey, they still follow these strategies and try to just outrun the enemy until it dies of exhaustion or freezes in the blizzard. They’re experts of making cuts that disable but don’t kill- going in close enough to deliver that final blow means risking a valuable pack member’s life!

Not really a headcanon now but back to reaper himself, I always kinda imagine him looking more like a real weasel. I like sneasel’s design but the bipedal humanoid proportions arent exactly the best thing, yknow? i feel like it should have had shorter more pawlike back legs and just been top-heavy with the super claws. Like.. I imagine kinda a furret? just the appeal of actual weasels and stoats plz. I love sneasel but when i looked up weasels as a kid i was like MY HEART!!! they’re sock puppet babies with lint fuzz faces Also I think sneasel’s claws are kinda comically short and boring considering theyre like its Big Feature. I liked when they were drawn a bit longer in older artworks, and i always imagined reaper had longer ones like scyther-y level. Thats why I named him that! Crescent moon claws of awesomeness, striking in the night~! ...he would be really cool if he wasnt such a cuddly dork. I love him so much, he’s my baby. And my dad. And my uncle?? he’s just a very good friend and im happy videogames can touch my heart like nothing else let me love my nonexistant magic weasel from cyberspace forevermore~!

[rennyji]

so despite me saying to "act natural" hundreds of times over these 11+years and recently, people prefer to take the effort, and waste the energy, to do what the orchestrators say, and act in a manner that suits the "project/program/situation."-

-acting natural requires nothing from U. Just be U; don't hide that this "situation" for 11+ years occurred; and go by what comes to mind when U see me, or by a direct conversation/interaction. Simple. You can stop wasting your time on this pointless endeavor to pervert my life.-

-if that's too hard, go F*k urself. 11+ years of saying it? - I think is enough.

moving on...normal tweets...-

Bronxville Pondfield Road has several stores on both sides of the street. From outside, nice looking buildings, and you suspect the insides are about quality stuff. But the parking situation is ridiculous. To shop and spend money, U have to spend money on parking at the meters-

- &theres only like 20 meter parking spaces 4all these stores. Shouldn't the landlords or whoever contemplate the business that these stores are losing from lack of parking? -

-U drive all the way there, find out no parking...what do U do? Drive in circles until some1 vacates their meter parking space? What a waste of time...someone should do something for such a busy area...

Try drinks from Rebbl...they can be coffee substitutes...you can get them at ShopRite, but Wegmans has more variety in that brand...They're pretty expensive, but I hope if more people buy them or see their value, eventually the price will go down... https://rebbl.co/

I miss the days when Starbucks had an online store. Could have fresh coffee beans delivered to your residence...now you gotta go all the way to the store...-wait...did i tweet that already? if so, sorry for the repeat...

If you have an Alexa device, search the “Echo Wall Clock” on Amazon. It sets itself, especially when daylight savings time.

Have a “Hey Google” device? Try the “Philips Hue” smart bulb and multicolor smart bulb. The multicolor one provides different colors to the room on a “Hey Google” command. Search Amazon...

Im not sure if the orchestrators areTrying 2get me 2buy stuff or not, buts its like, from boxers to undershirts to socks to fleeces to shirts-theyve all goneMissing. I mean I know I had a ton of theseThings, when they all randomlyDisappear from ur laundry, U justThink, now what?!

so heard about the Blum Center and gave advice on healthier living...while their products are expensive, you learn about the benefits of all sort of stuff, even simple things like chia seeds and fiber and how they can keep you full and aid with morning bathroom rituals...- - from talk in previous tweet, this is the Blum Center's link: https://blumcenterforhealth.com/

John Douillard and his LifeSpa in Colorado (offering Skype meetings) can also aid with better lifestyles and healthier living. It's rooted in Ayurveda and Yoga and Meditation. Check out their site: https://lifespa.com/

Nothing like 90s music on Spotify...with the exception of their 2010s playlist for hits, Spotify is an indicator to me that music has gone downhill...

There’s something very attractive to me about a bottle of coke vs. the can... it’s just...aesthetically pleasing and tasty...

so there's like 10-20 normal tweets below. twitter has the most recent tweet on top. scroll down for the starting tweet with today's date... My twitter handle is @RennyJi or you can not follow me on twitter and still read with the web link: twitter dot com slash rennyji

in addition to the morning normal tweets, a thought-

So from my old complaints to the police elaborating on the science of a situation, it turns out I left out something that became transparent to me recently: This concept of filters people see through or the figurative lenses on the glasses they wear. -

-Years ago, I think there was something about me being a sweetheart and in need of friends( by a girl and her friends, a school, who cares, at this point)...ok...ummm..reality being, i see the concept of friends and relationships just like the next person: through fate, destiny,-

-or something as simple as bumping into someone repeatedly at a coffeeshop, you meet people.(Not by “the situation” discussing your whereabouts and timing. What I said is how things naturally happen and the “back to before all this/back to normal” idea that I’m after, along with not hiding anything) To see me, through the lens that I’m on some kind of endeavor to be an American icon, make everyone my -

-friend- well, that doesn’t match my goals, interests or personalities. In all that I do being relayed (probably, I dunno), maybe from my Twitter, you heard from me about how I kept a girl in my prayers; -

-maybe you heard since my childhood best friend/girl friend moved away, I’ve been on a lifelong quest for a replacement; maybe from the orchestrators you heard I can be loving to my sibling...-

-from the orchestrators, you see me as a, I guess, f* me, a sensitive caring male. From my stories, maybe you know my values. -

-But bear in mind, these are aspects or sides to a multifaceted personality, just like everyone else. Who I share the above sides or personas with, are my loved ones (family/friends). -

-So this raises the problem of who is my audience, when I or someone on my behalf, says things. I keep saying talk to me directly, because how I may be with you individually, may be different from a painting of my identity, for better or worse.-

-So two things thus far...what lens/ filter are you seeing me through? Next question, are you the intended audience? And all of this boils down to reputation. The concept of a person’s status in society, their reputation globally is something people work very hard for. -

-It is my intention to sue the orchestrators for soiling my reputation. Understanding this, they are of the belief, by relaying my life, a reputation will follow. But then the concept of audiences, filters, all rise again. -

-You*re making my reputation as America’s son/friend.-Not interested, beyond the Golden Rule. I renounce being an American, after what your people did, and I uphold my Indian heritage.  11 years of my life...hmmm...yeah I feel like the orchestrators are prostituting my life. -

-Im in a crazy situation. A 90 year old b*tch & her possibly lesbian passenger give me the OK to take a parking space. I go out to take it. She then stops me w/her car randomly, while the tool of a couple behind me shake their hands 4 me, to ignore the parking, and drive ahead.-

-I had my signal on, I was moving toward the space before all this happened ...you know, be it because of a “situation” or the filter this white woman sees “herself “through, she is not my boss, and her attitude on the road would only succumb to my attitude. -

-What does she think of herself? That disgusting nasty face she made. Does she see herself as superior? The nerve. All after she tells me to take the space, and then decides to take it herself. -

-The orchestrators tell family, friends, strangers to give me something to read into...it’s mind exploding because you expect me to take the bait and keep writing...I’ve praised women in my speech and in my writing, over their beauty and value in a mans life. -

-Like today, at a stop sign, driving home or taking a short cut elsewhere, saw a gorgeous tan blonde smiling. Seeing someone like her, for herself, can brighten any mans day, like a day of sunlight. But it should naturally happen.

-But that said, I’ve shown a value, a side. For some, it’s an opportunity to overestimate ur self worth. I am not desperate, despite throwing myself across the table. -

In this world, without sacrificing my dignity, from one extreme to another, I can arrange a marriage, or if it was about getting laid, pay someone. I aim to do things the right way. But then I see the 90 year old and idiot middle aged American women on the side of them -

-road involving themselves in this aforementioned parking attempt. Your rosy lives are ur rosy lives. I live in reality unlike whatever cloud You live on, while being a victim of abuse by the American orchestrators. So, Keep a check on ur attitudes in response in reading this.-

-Years ago, and now, I’ll say it again to my surroundings, I am a practitioner of the Golden Rule. I respect those who respect me. Some of you, in your world of games, please go waste someone else’s time. An American icon? A paragraph ago, -

- I explained how I see friends, because of randomness being flung on me like sh*t out of a toilet, for the purpose of constantly explaining things. -

-I make myself available, when and where, to anyone who’s anyone. The orchestrators want to dictate who can glance at me or make me approachable. Childish nonsense. Not out to make myself any more approachable than I am.

- Now I need some kind hearted person to talk to me and tell me what's going on. That Im not out of my mind. If ur waiting for this cr*p to be over, none of you will ever see me. I mean, I'm after peace of mind, and when I needed you, in the way that I did, you were never there.

-The orchestrators may tell you to so called "support me" by doing this/that...but that is not from me, may not even match the plan of the day. I honestly cannot make out what they're saying. -

If I'm right about stuff, its through coincidence or me figuring things out on my own. From any of you, the community, All I'm asking is for you to be a true American at heart and do the hard thing of telling me what's going on.-

-Thats the only thing I ever needed. Ud be a lifelong friend&hero. After this, w/my lawsuitMoney, Ill be on some privateEstate, far away, from these past ridiculous places of America. All I wanted 4 all these yrs  is peace of mind & the Mutual Respect that the orchestrators took.-

-But going back to what I was saying, at the end of the day, beyond family and loved ones, I am not your friend or your enemy, or even paying attention to the cr*p left for me to read into. That stuff is between you and the orchestrators you blindly and ridiculously follow.-

-If you are not talking to me directly, then you are not helping me. Playing with your phone won’t make you a saint-for the orchestrators, in the past, I called this the American idol mentality. You think by voting for someone to win, you’re altruistic.-

-Save your energy, direct it towards someone who will appreciate it, or do something constructive. I’ve given my spheel about “being natural without hiding anything.” That’s the only help I seek. End of the day, you be you, I’ll be me. -

-At the beginning of this &now, Ive made it clear, not out of anger, spite, or because Im fresh out of some troubling incident: mind your own business. I don’t want you in my life, and to be honest, I don’t want to be in your heads either beyond the practice of the Golden Rule.-

-Get at me (Slang), or kindly get lost (Literal).-

-These sounds tell me they’re going to “do away” with me. The extent, depth, seriousness of that I dunno. (But if I’m to meet my end, I want the Americans to know this much from me, amidst the clouds you live on. -

-At the end of this, you all and the kid sounding faction of the orchestrators are in for a surprise. Really walked into it, as  you'll figure out, soon enough.)-

-Ur faces or reactions or gestures do not match up to my writings, what I’m being told, etc.(this part goes to everyone, but especially my parents- I feel these people (orchestrators) are lying to you regarding their intentions and what they direct at me.)

-From past complaints being relevant in the present day or not, not gonna elaborate on past things after this. Way too much time for something I’m not willingly taking part in or interested in. Take care.

ending it for today with a few normal tweets -

Coffee machines with adjustable strength settings...expensive, but worth it!

getting a starbucks card, or memberships with doordash or massage places can be rewarding...

a person can say/do 10,000 good things, and being human, do 1 bad thing...but through human nature, other people will only remember/consider the bad thing without thinking things through...