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courtorderedcake · 5 years ago

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Roses : A CS retelling of ‘Tam Lin’

Hi, everyone! Thanks to @kmomof4 and the extremely talented @eastwesthomeisbest for their patience on this. As usual, thanks to @ultraluckycatnd who I would be lost without, the woman is a monster editing machine, and super beta. I live for my updates from her. Without further ado, here is my laaaaaaaaaaaate contribution to @cssns. You get TWO chapters for the price of one! WHOA!

Read on Ao3 right here, darlings! Chapter 1/4 Chapter 2/4

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The rain pours for several more days, and Killian lurks indoors anywhere she is not, a ghost in the corners of her eyes. The cable company's arrival makes him bolder, showing the workers the drilled holes in the wood from previous owners, and identifying the ancient telephone cable.

Laughing, a bewhiskered man clapped him on the back in good nature as he held up the cord. “Haven't used these since 1910! This used a switchboard to even operate, probably used for transmission in the First War. This is a damn antique!”

Killian laughed with the men doing the installation, but as Emma looked closer, it seemed to be only for show. He followed them asking questions, watching the cables thread through walls, helping where he could. It was not a one day job, which luckily Emma had predicted.

The next day was even busier, with deliveries arriving, a team looking at the major pipes, electrical repairs and more cable installation making the quiet halls echo with voices. Emma directed what felt like a never ending stream of people carrying various items to rooms, instructed men on how she wanted furniture arranged, and helped identify the structural issues she had noticed, or take note of the ones the contractors had. Carterhaugh stood strong and not many issues were found, although the plumbing and wiring were a mess that would need to be addressed and modernized.

Around lunch time, Emma took a pop tart out of its sleeve and noticed she hadn't seen Killian all day. Walking to the back solarium and sunroom that looked over the gardens, she watched as he worked. His back muscles rippled under an undershirt, plaid flannel wrapped around his waist. His arms were deeply defined, and she didn't notice how lost in thought she was until he gave a sarcastic little wave. Blushing she gave a half wave back, stuck half the pop tart in her mouth, and quickly went back to ordering people about like some evil queen.

At the end of the day and after a hefty set of invoices, Emma collapsed in the plush chairs that sat next to the great room's fireplace. Closing her eyes and rubbing her temples, she groaned.

“Miss Swan? Are you alright?”

Killian’s voice. She nodded with a sigh, opening her eyes. “I… Your phone came today.” Nodding her head at the package that sat on a small table, she closed her eyes again.

"Oh. Okay." He looked down at the box with a frown.

"Don't worry, it literally walks you through the set up process. Just turn it on with the button, and follow the instructions." Emma stretched with a groan, letting her joints pop.

"You got a lot done today, it looks like."

"I did. The teams I chose are phenomenal, but it will be nice to be alone again here soon. I have never had a home, so I would like to enjoy this while I can."

"No home? You're an orphan, then?" he asked, and she nodded. "Did you live in a foundling home or ministry?"

"No. No. It must be different in America, I don't know what a foundling home is, actually. I lived in an orphanage, then foster homes. My adoptive mother legally got custody of me at 15. I consider her and my brother my only family."

"Ah. A foundling home is for found children, usually abandoned by their parents or orphaned by war, famine or plague."

"Oh, crap, I didn't mean to be insensitive. Those must be rare nowadays, I don't think that there's been any of that sort of thing over here for at least 60 years."

Killian muttered under his breath, laughing bitterly. "Yeah." picking up his phone he gave her a nod, then returned to work.

After a few more hours, Emma sat aside invoices neatly arranged into piles after double checking everything scanned into the cloud by her phone, and began a small fire in the grate of the ancient fireplace. She went to the kitchen for a glass of wine and some chocolate, surprised to find Killian sitting enraptured by the light of his phone screen.

"Emma, this device is… It's bloody magic. I have never seen such a small encyclopedia of knowledge. So many flowers and plants have been discovered, animals and places. The pictures are so close up I feel like I'm there -"

"Calm down, Buster, have you seriously never had internet? You might of well have been Amish."

"What's Amish?"

"Alright, forget Amish. What's your favorite thing you have learned so far."

"The sky, I've mapped the stars in detail during my time in the Navy, and written about clouds, but there are so many more names, the conditions that create them are all documented, and the stars, we've been in space -"

"How did you miss Neil Armstrong? One giant step? Do I need to rent 'The Right Stuff'?"

"When you live here, and you have no one, it's easy not to know anything but this. Thank you Emma. I… I can't say how much this means to me."

"I'm glad you like it. I guess." Emma said shyly back, surprised by the genuine delight in his voice. Shrinking back without her glass of wine, she doused the fire and went to bed instead, her stomach full of butterflies sorely in need of some Raid.

In the morning, the butterflies became a full force flock when Killian called her name from the conservatory. She waited, stopped and watched his easy jog over to her over the parquet as wingbeats tickled her insides. The rose he held out to her did nothing to help her distress either.

"Would you let me take you for lunch, out on the meadow? It's a perfect day to watch the clouds come in, and you look like you could use a break. I'd like to repay you for the phone. It's been truly… I have not words in which I can express my gratitude fully."

At her hesitation, he backtracked. "If you don't want to, please, it's alright. I'll just go -"

"No, no. You're right, it's a beautiful day for it. Yes. Yes, let's have lunch. I'll set up some quilts and you can meet me there."

"Cheese sandwiches alright?"

"As long as there's cocoa."

These lunches become a weekly part of their routine. On the nicest days they find one another wandering the grounds, and in the rain the eat in the kitchen or in the solarium watching rain pour down the glass. There are many nice days, mild breezes carrying the sound of their lively conversations, the weather becoming temperate and fair. He brings tea, cookies, cakes and sandwiches, while Emma brings pop tarts, cocoa or coffee.

It turns out that his sense of humor is actually amusing, her face and sides hurting from the way he somehow gets her. It's in the late summer, when he places a daisy crown on her head while talking about the constant storm on Jupiter (he's obsessed with learning everything about space and technology lately), and she realizes after that she didn't flinch. It's easy to forget that he hasn't been a fixture in her life forever when he greets her in the morning in the kitchen, or when he gives her a lazy grin with a wave with soil covered hands.

It's hard to be in the quiet when Killian has recited poetry, or shows her how to tell if a tree is 'wick', and how to take cuttings to grow more of certain bushes that have started to thin. She reciprocated to her own surprise, and tells him about life in the city, about the movies she loves, and about the best apps for his phone. He's great at candy crush, has a following on GreenThumb, and when she lets him on her Spotify he shocks her with a Playlist of roaring twenties, classical, and old swing band songs mixed with the classic rock he has heard her screeching out lyrics into a broom handle. Emma watched him weave magic with plants, feeling aimless and antsy when she went back to work in the house alone.

Occasionally he joined her, and in those moments it's almost as if he saw the house in its full glory. He knows everything there is to know, except the local legend of the estate.

"So did the family really just up and disappear? Were they really cursed by Leprechauns?"

"Fae folk." The grimace he made was tight when he gritted out the words. It was warm, the cliff side by the sea enticing with its cool spray. Both of them had worked long enough to have a break as they stretched across slightly damp stone. Killian licked his lips, looking almost pained. "They probably left before the next war hit. That's my guess. Although, tales of the Fae due run rampant out here. ‘The Fae court will ride their wild stallions across the plain, under the cover of thunder and lightning’. They ran their undying horses too loudly to go without notice otherwise."

Killian’s face fell, and he looked out pensively towards the estate, his features tensing as a sudden chill nipped at them. "Or teaching wee ones to be kind to strangers without asking for something in return… Fae folk have dominion over anyone who violate their hospitality unless given sincerely. Even then, they're bitter, wicked, twisted creatures with not an ounce of warmth in them. That falls back to 'Never find friend in Fae, or show them favor'."

"You sound like you believe they're real." Emma said quietly,

"Do you, Swan?" The question comes out strange, not quite teasing.

After a moment and a steadying breath, Emma let the truth eke out. "Maybe."

Killian didn't laugh, didn't say anything, really. Emma found that the best reply, her heart beginning to slow again when she confirmed that he's truly not mocking her by glancing up at his darkening eyes.

"Just who are you, Swan?" This question is worse, worst - it lodged deep as her walls snapped back up around her.

"Wouldn't you like to know." If he noticed the iciness in her glare, he didn't say.

Instead he called after her as Emma made her way back inside, a sudden cold rain pouring down. "Perhaps I would."

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Emma lets the days go by leisurely as Killian and her spend more time with each other. They eventually start sharing books, movies, excerpts from history (He loves the Today I learned section of reddit, learning things in leagues) and music. Her selections of rock and classic punk pop seem to genuinely bewitch him - on several occasions she's gone out to the garden to find him smeared with dirt, shirtless, gloves in his back jeans pocket shaking along with his - assets - while 'Welcome to the Jungle' blared from the sound system.

The beginning of want pooled in a well Emma thought had long gone dry, her blush a strawberry stain across her face and chest. Not that Killian knew, or if he did, hid it under his normal self-deprecating cheekiness by teasing her as much as normal. Emma had thoughts at night after a glass of wine that left her feeling like a breathless high schooler who found a note in their locker, except she wasn't a high school student. She hadn't been in far too long for this sort of crush.

Even in the mornings when she tried to beat him outside, he's there. Sometimes just sitting and talking to the plants or pruning, and it's like he's a fixture in her garden. A fixture that notices her arrival or sneaks behind her with a branch to tickle her ear, smiles at her, beams at her really, in a way that makes her heart sing. It's as if he's gently tending to her too, like he knows how hard it has been to lay down roots anywhere since Neal burned away everything she had hoped for a home.

Killian just grows on her, and she feels like the sun has warmed her enough to tentatively take a chance, to bloom.

And she likes it. It scares her more than anything. She likes that he wants to cultivate a friendship, that he is just happy to be near her for whatever reason, and that she can find comfort in his stability. He has set roots, deep into the earth that for so long she has resisted against letting her feet touch.

Maybe Emma Swan was finally tired of flying, and could try falling, just this once, knowing that a safe harbor might lend itself to her landing.

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Emma read the faded ink on dark and crumbling paper, careful to slide it into a protective plastic sleeve. The attic had proven to be a massive undertaking, just like every other aspect of Carterhaugh. She originally planned to do just documents by herself, but Killian had found her and demanded to help, proving to be just as stubborn as her. He also demanded that they wait on the furniture and strange chests in the dusty gloom, warning her that he was not risking her falling through the floor or down a ladder.

"I quite fancy you, when you aren't yelling at me." He smirked, and butterflies erupted in her chest. If only.

The Lord of Carterhaugh had found the Fae portal, and made his way through the shadows to the seat of a great golden throne. He'd changed, heard the whisper of a devil or some dark voice that crawled into his veins, his name the first to go. Rumplestiltskin.

And Rumplestiltskin knew things, things he shouldn't have, and couldn't have. Things to sweeten a deal already suspiciously too good to be true. His wife, the lady of the house, did not love him. He tried many times to use his new found shadows to gain her heart, but they had limits. He tried stranger and more powerful beings in the woods until they fled as far as they could. Nothing worked until he threatened to take their child into the dark without her. She begged him to compromise, and they would split time with their child between their worlds.

For a time, it was good. Rumplestiltskin twisted into something strange, The lady stayed near the same, and no one could tell which way their son might go.

She joined them when her son finally decided to rule beside his Father. It was short-lived, an argument breaking out between the three as they chose whether they would abandon their old home of Carterhaugh to a great war that had begun. The Lady and her son returned, not a day older than when they left, blessing the land so no Fae could cross - as long as a rightful owner held the key.

No one noticed their return, thinking of only the war that held the world in turmoil or that they were distant relatives. When the war ended, no one remembered they had been there far too long.

Especially a soldier trying to return home on foot, lost, hurt, and sick.

The paper was ornate, script flowery and bordered with roses like the ones in her gardens. Emma slid it into a sleeve like the rest. When Killian emerged from the attic with cobwebs in his dark hair, Emma carefully pulled the dust and spider webs away as he huffed in annoyance. Carrying boxes of dust covered books, photo albums, old documents, journals where the ink has bled into the pages making them unintelligible, ledgers and sketches.

Emma was quick to pull out as much as she could, not noticing Killian’s change in posture or how he frowned as he placed albums aside to ‘sort through later’.

Opening a dark leather bound album, she flipped through the pages, as Killian froze behind her, flinching with every turn of the page.

"Look at all the staff here. This place used to run 30 people deep, can you imagine? I'd go crazy trying to organize all that. I guess your family has been doing this for years though."

"My family?" Killian looked confused for a moment before shaking it off. "Oh, yes. We've uh, one of us has always been here." he smiled weakly, and Emma felt an odd twinge in her gut.

"This guy even looks a little like you!" Emma laughed, and Killian frowned deeply, looking over the photo.

"Yeah. He could practically be me." He said in a dry tone, chuckling darkly. Emma felt that sour stone turn in her stomach, and this time she knew there was something behind the offput smile he gave her, more firmly planted than genuine; it took the air completely out of the room. In a sharp and impossibly fast movement, he slammed the book shut with a look of pure frustration, as Emma made a startled noise.

"Killian, what -"

"I'm going to put some of these to the other room. They're later in the period and it will be easier to start at the beginning." Putting the book away, he carried off several to stack in a corner.

"Alright." She gave him a wary glance, but opened up another old book. Several families in Victorian era clothing played croquet on a small lawn, the surrounding forest held back by large stone walls. "Oh, look at those!" Emma exclaimed, fingers pressed to the page. A gargoyle of a vaguely human creature stood at the corners of each side. Killian sat again, leaning over to look, his presence so close. His shoulder fell slightly against hers. She moved slightly away, just enough to feel the warmth of his body but to where he had no weight against her.

"Fae folk," Killian whispered quietly, finger pointing.

"Well. You weren't kidding when you said people here thought less of them than you!" Emma laughed merrily, moving to another album, not noticing Killian’s fingers tracing the large iron spikes that topped the heavy stones. "I guess most people think they're hideous creatures, but I think -"

"There's many, many things in this world. Fae folk happen to be one that, at least here, are known to be dangerous. It's why in lore, you never make deals or supper with strangers on the road, or you count the teeth and fingers of someone who offers you hospitality. Nothing in life comes without a price, and these woods are proof of it. They should have never taken that wall down."

"I agree, it's aesthetically pleasing for sure -"

"Promise me something, love?"

"Uh." Emma looked at him, his jaw clenched as he stared at the photo. "Maybe, it depends -"

"Put that wall back up, please. I'll help whoever lays it brick by bloody brick, but put that wall back up."

"Um. Okay, I will."

"Promise me." His eyes were icy blue as they snapped to stare at her, cold and without any of their normal glimmer of snark. Emma nodded, and he looked back at the photo, tracing the lines of the rock again.

"I promise."

"Thank you, Emma." He sighed, relaxing slightly. Pushing herself against her hatred of touch Emma reached for him. She laid her hand in his, tracing her thumb over his knuckles, and the ghost of a smile returned.

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If there was any advantage of having Killian on the premises of Carterhaugh, it was the cooking. Emma was beyond convinced that the man is the next Gordon Ramsey, showing him videos of the chef's famous temper that made his ears go pink.

"He shouldn't talk to women like that." Killian mumbled, after a particularly bad roasting involving an 'idiot sandwich'.

Emma frowned. "It's something they know going in. They're being respected for their talent, not their gender, or being a woman. They take it just like these men, sometimes - well no, usually, actually - better."

"Women do reserve respect, and to be treated better than this. I don't like this garbage can television you like, Swan."

"Trash TV."

"Semantics."

"Fine, and I guess you would order your kitchen around respectfully?" Emma asked amused. Killian gave a firm nod, washing berries in the sink as Emma sat on the counter top. "Oh captain, my captain! What do you know about bossing around a crew?"

"I was a Captain, Swan. In the Navy. Ranked up after my brother. I'd never speak to my crew like this, and I never did." There was a flat sadness in his tone, and the water ran for a long minute into the sieve that lay in the sink with neither of them moving.

"I didn't - I -"

"I'm thinking pie for this. Have you ever made one?" Killian asked, normalcy returned shakily as he turned off the tap. He flicked water at her with his fingers and she yelped, laughing.

"No. We didn't make pie a whole lot in our foster home." Emma shuddered. "We didn't eat a lot in general, in quite a few of them, really. I guess Neal did get us a pie once when we went out to dinner if you could call it that. He liked artsy food. It was this crazy mushroom tart thing, with all these circular layers. I just wanted - "

"A poptart?" Killian smirked at her, already rolling out dough with small gestures of his wrist on the other side of the sink opposite her. Emma shook off a momentary feeling of hypnotic awe, his movement quick, well practiced and precise mastery, like he had done this forever.

"Actually, I remember wanting of all things, a bologna sandwich."

Killian made a retching noise. "Awful stuff, that. Came out in '57 and they're still using the same cans if it. That and gelatin becoming en vogue is beyond perplexing, and then there were aspics which are a devil's concoction if I've ever seen one. I know bad food Swan, I'm British and was in the navy. Trust me when I say you're better off."

"You like mackerel and pickled herring." Emma giggled.

He looked affronted, giving a faux dramatic gasp. "Well yes, but not gelled, I'm not a savage. I barely put more than 3 tablespoons of vinegar on my food. I'm a purist by my country's standards."

Wrinkling her nose she made a gagging noise, "Gross. Thanks for ruining that for me." He smirked at her unapologetically.

"Hey, before I forget," Emma held up a finger and hopped down off the counter top. Heading to the pantry area, she flicked on the light and pulled down a basket of several apples, bringing them to the counter. Killian continued working methodically, without looking up. "Think we have enough to make a pie out of these?"

She reached down to pull one out, the red skin reflecting her hand like a lacquered surface, but Killian grabbed her wrist roughly. There was a sudden edge to him that made his demeanor feel strange, darker even.

"Where did you get these?" He asked with a hiss. Her eyes widened, and she pulled away briskly.

"The bottom of the hill, where the forest path begins. I hadn't noticed before since we don't walk down that way a lot, but there's an apple tree there -"

"Do not - Never pick those. These apples," he gruffly made a noise between an exasperated sigh and a growl. "These are poisonous. It's leeched into the soil there. Something to do with that New Claire energy. Poison nastiness. Hives of biting, crawling, flying, pests that rot everything they touch. Chemicals."

"Nuclear? Insects? What -"

"Look, just - Never these. Never eat anything from down that hill. Unless it's grown up here, do not eat it."

With flour covered hands he grabbed the basket and stormed out side, throwing the whole thing down the hill, and heading to the back garden. Emma stood open mouthed for a minute, looking around confused. When Killian stormed down the hill from the back garden as a shadowy silhouette in the late afternoon sun with an axe, she slipped on shoes to run after him. By the time she was out the door she could here the swings of the axe in wood. The tree fell as she reached the crest, sliding slightly down the slope.

As soon as the tree hit the ground, the leaves changed to a duller color, and as she came to the even patch of ground, an apple rolled to touch her boot. It was decaying, the lacquered red surface giving way to black beetles and crawling centipedes that fled there safety. Killian panted slightly, before throwing the axe over his shoulder and stalking back toward Carterhaugh.

"What - It wasn't like that when I -"

"Soil is bad, like I said. Just - just don't come down here. It's not safe. There's things left over from the wars, and old wells, mine shafts - there's a reason why all this land is untouched. No one wants it."

"You mean like, fairy circles, those types of old wells?" Emma called after him as he froze, kicking a blackened apple down the hill but away from her path.

Killian tensed, rigid and darkly shadowed by the setting sun. For a moment Emma thought he might yell at her, his stature wound so tight to the point of snapping, and face furious. He took a breath, and let it melt off him, composing himself as Emma watched in confusion.

Mumbling a curse under his breath he walked towards her and in a quiet tone drawled out an emotionless phrase, "Yes. Like those."

They walked back to the kitchen, but Emma felt herself come loose from the strangeness of the black beetles, so much like little black teeth or shiny black tacks, centipedes crawling, circling each other -

Neal loves circles, it's always circles in his art and designs. When Emma first meets him, he is tagging circles on a building, spraying thick lines of black and white that he covers in red to make a ring of what looks like mushrooms. Tucked away, she was fascinated by his fluid movements with the can until he chuckled lowly, turning to stare directly at her with eyes that are brown but somehow glow with tawny humor.

"Well well well." His voice is a whisper, but Emma can hear it all around her, echoing through the concrete, crumbling brick, and metal of the alleyway. "A lost boy has found a lost girl."

It doesn't make sense that he is so wise and young at the same time, but he calls her an old soul, which Emma delights in, especially on his arm in the backroom of a party or club. She is mature for her age, he tells her, nuzzling his nose in her hair. When he waves her past people, he always knows people and they seem to want to please him, his voice is like caramel.

"She's with me. Ems is cool."

It's astounding to her. He has nothing but everything, taking what is and isn't offered with no consequences.

"It's magic, Ems. People will give whatever I ask, because they know better than to ever say no." Holding her tightly, he rubs her arms and her stiffness melts away on whispered words of how happy he is with her. How glad he is to have someone who understands, the only person who gets him, the only person that makes him want to live.

When he asks, Emma does not say no. He is as important to her as she is to him. It does not matter that they've been together a few months, she echoes, they feel as though they have been together for years. It doesn't matter that she does not know what he does to make so much money, to buy her the nicest things even though she does not ask, he holds her hand as they grocery shop.

It does not matter that he asks again and again, more aggressively each time, and when she says no she learns better than to ever deny him again.

They are in love, Neal her first and only love in a long line of loss, the only person who has her full trust after years of betrayal. They are in love, and he holds her heart. It was only once, then twice, then more - but he's doing it for her own good, just correcting her behavior. He always tells her after how sorry he is, and how much he loves her. That he never wants her to hurt again, no more excuses about clumsiness or stealing makeup to cover evidence that fades from purple to yellow. No more late night visits to his doctor, the one across town who won't ask questions about her broken wrist or swollen jaw.

He cares about her enough to make her better. To make her listen and love him the way he needs to be loved; the consequences be damned, because those moments of rage are so fleetingly brief, that it does not matter.

It does matter a little when his time is spent on more trips alone, on business deals that she cannot accompany him to. It does matter when she finds dark plum lipstick on his collar, and it does matter when he storms out when she questions his fidelity.

It does matter when he returns, a silver circle lying in a plush casing, the proposal tainted by his ultimatum :

"Marry me, Ems. Marry me, or lose everything." He asks, and Emma does not say no, there's no way out of this, he's encircled her -

FWOOOM.

Her thoughts are broken by the sound of - something. It's a noise Emma has never heard, followed by Killian’s yelp of panic. He's thrown himself back on the floor away from the old oven when she skids to a stop on her socks to fall into him, his face soot covered and hair slightly charred on the edges.

"Are you alright?" Emma chokes out, but he hits her with a look of absolute frustration that goes so well with the black covering his face and the ember still slightly orange on his eyebrow she brushes away even as it burns her, and it takes seconds for her to dissolve into peals of laughter that make him look even more put out. "Oh, Killian -"

"Don't even start, Swan."

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Killian became a close confidante, the only person Emma had known that she could spend time with just in their presence, enjoying every moment. His presence soothed unlike so many that grated on her, and their routines twisted together until they were inseparable for vast portions of the day.

As it became nicer, they walked the property together and he showed her every plant, bird, animal and bug his work helped cultivate, as if he was completely responsible for the life that flooded where the forest did not touch. Emma could believe he was without trying, especially when fireflies danced around them and lit ginger glints in his hair or cast green and grey specks in his irises.

They sat by the now working fountains listening to mourning doves, or out on the gazebo that looked down the hill towards the wood, and he listened or hummed quietly while they read. There was a sense of calm that came with him that made her feel enveloped in safety. She could just be, and just being meant she could be vulnerable.

"My husband - it's complicated. I just, he was the love of my life and he let me down. No. He did more than that, he - I - I fell so far into myself I thought I would never escape and I can't let someone do that to me again. He was an awful person who was awfully good at pretending he wasn't."

"You don't have to say more, love."

"What about you? A good looking guy like you probably has -"

"You think I'm good looking Swan?"

Emma blushed, fiddling with the flower crown in her hands. "Shut up. You know what I mean."

"I do?" He asked, more amused. "I suppose a dashing rapscallion like m'self -"

Emma groaned, and they both laughed. She smiled at the crown, twisting away a stray petal here and there. Killian broke the silence in a thoughtful voice.

"The love of my life let me down too, so we're quite the pair, you and I."

Emma caught his quick glance in her direction, and the way his face changed from a smile, to carefully polished facade. Walls to never show the world any vulnerability, unsaid things piled up so high on the ramparts, and armor to protect from being hurt again.

"Milah. She was beautiful, smart, so zealous about life and the beauty of everything. She loved flowers, and I was good with them. She said that I was magic with them." Killian sounded wistful, and began to scrub at the back of his neck, talking rapidly, as if he was nervous.

"She was married but so unhappy, her husband had left her to care for their home while he… while he cared for his business elsewhere. It put their son in a difficult position due to it. He was expected to be two places at once, being educated in both worlds. It left Milah alone a lot of the time, and I welcomed her company. We fell in love against better judgment, she was a woman that wanted for nothing and took what she liked - I was something she liked. I don't know if I ever had a choice, really. At first it was wonderful, and everything was perfect. I feared her husband finding out, as he was very powerful in the, er, business world. Surprisingly, I discovered he didn't care. He called me her pet. I hated that, but I wanted her to be happy." He paused, shuddering, and looked over his shoulder. A harsh wind blew from up the forest, and although it had been a warm day, it smelled cloyingly of wet earth.

"She convinced me to run away with her, to join her husband and son in their business. Life had gotten harder and there were other forces at work outside of us, our country involved in a war. She was afraid. I followed her, because I was so in love, I'd follow her anywhere. It was subtle, her mannerisms changed and became more sharp, and we - well, our love changed drastically. She began to enjoy hurting me, and I at first thought that I enjoyed it, just trying to please, but she became worse as if she was trying to break me, bringing others in to torture me. Mind games and intrigues amongst…" His cheeks pinked. "Other things."

"You don't have to tell me this. If you don't want to, if you're not - you don't owe me -" Emma looked away, and he laughed ruefully. She looked back and he was shaking his head with his jaw set.

"I know I don't owe - you're the first person I've talked to about any of this." He sighed, and she picked at her fingernails. "If you don't want to -"

"No. It's okay. I…" Emma bit her lip. "Go on."

He nodded, taking a deep breath. "Her husband and a long line of others degraded me, tormented me, pulled me apart without care and made me wish I had never been born. Where in the beginning Milah at least provided a soothing touch after, she began to leave me alone to watch me suffer, or ignore my pleas to stop. I have never felt so helpless."

"Killian, I -"

"So I know the feeling of shame, I understand not wanting to be touched, I have boundaries from my escape and extricating from Milah's grip. Leaving her was like…" he laughed again, sad and without any humor. "Banishment. I was left absolutely alone, her son had been my close friend, and I had others that I was close with in their business."

Standing, he brushed off his pant legs and looked out at the sky. Emma stood slowly, chewing her lip to the point of pain before making her decision.

Carefully, Emma tucked her hand into his, his fingers intertwining with her own as they walked in silence. They made occasional light conversation, laughing together, and an easy feeling of belonging came over her so strongly. His thumb traced her own, while his smile traced a path through every barrier and straight to her heart.

Returning to the house Killian made a chicken and rice dish that was phenomenal as usual, and over wine Emma teased him about his absolute refusal to consider adding a chicken coop to the property.

"They're nasty birds, Swan."

"They eat pests, and they would have so much room. I think it would be nice."

"Just because you and they are kin, doesn't mean I want to care for them, Swan."

"Are you… Ch- Ch- Chicken?" Emma smiled at him with uninhibited glee.

"You are absolutely ridiculous."

"You love me for it." Emma stabbed a bite and grinned as she chewed, oblivious to the look of longing that came over him.

"That I do."

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

When Emma opened the door for vulnerability in her life, the breeze that came through pushed every idea of a wall out of the relationship she and Killian had built, their likes and dislikes melding and the strangeness of their lives being alike turning into long stories over spiked cocoa in half finished rooms.

Killian was an orphan, the same caged look in his eye when asked about family. His brother was gone, but both their siblings had fought constantly for a better life for the younger.

Where Emma didn't know her parents, Killian remembered his mother and his drunken father, and they commiserated on which was worse. In the end, it came down to loss and abandonment laying a heavy hand on both of their existences in a way that made Emma see Killian in a different light all together. There was a softness that met the same jagged edge of wildness, the raw and crooked pieces that came together in a clash just like hers. There were scars, mental and physical, that she recognized easily now, and that changed the way they interacted.

Emma had always felt like she was walking the thinnest invisible line, unsure what was above or below or ahead, but in Killian’s presence she felt someone's hand in her own. Emma hoped he felt the same balance, and the same surety she did.

Fear was there too, and it came in the night when she examined the synchronicity that she wanted to cling to like a preserver.

If Neal hadn't ruined her, if she wasn't just slightly more broken and absolutely undesirable, Killian would be everything Neal wasn't.

Her wedding is beautiful, but strange in its own right, a ceremony that is a blur of unfamiliar faces, drinking, food, and meeting who Neal demands her to meet. It feels strange, as if there is something wrong with everything, a piece that is missing among the wreckage, but she cannot grasp it.

Neal is forceful when he introduces a few guests, but Emma is the sun, shining on this day and not noticing the sideways looks people shared. The women are striking, Emma unsure of how they know Neal, and unable to ask for fear of her tangled tongue.

There's so much spinning and dancing, his voice low and sweet, warming her and tracing her nerves with fuzziness. Her friends are there too, and they are happy, so happy as they drink and dance and feast. David is there only briefly, the only one ever disgusted by Neal, but her old roommate from college, Ruby, makes it. They share a silly dance that makes Ruby's bracelets jingle while Neal talks to his friends, so many friends she has never seen. There's so much money in this place, so much she did not plan or choose, ostentatious in your face gaudy things that Neal has chosen for her. Neal will choose for her, because he knows best, and she is in his ring, twirling in a gown that glitters with crystals.

Neal dances with Ruby, and she is charmed immediately. There are other people he dances with that Emma invited, the cake shop owner down the street Tiana, a woman from an sculpting course, Ariel, and their upstairs neighbor, Tamara. Each seem to join her new husband and come away with a blushing grin, the wine strong.

They go to bed and it's not as much as making love, but it isn't as little as just fucking or consummation - there's a frenzied edge that makes her toes curl but scares her. When she wakes up, her body is bruised and bite marks line her skin, dark blossoms that feel tender. He's gone, left a note for her on their honeymoon that something has come up back home. The tears come easily, but the call to the concierge is rough. Neal had left her money to do whatever it is someone does alone on their honeymoon in the Caribbean, and she laughs as the clerk judges her while handing her the bag.

The first two days of Plan B she can't drink, and it takes everything to follow through with that, watching Back to the Future 1 - 4 in the pool while gorging on onion rings. The third day is spent drunk and crying over a grilled cheese, then more onion rings.

Getting home, she finds Neal in their living room, and he surveys her calmly like one might do an over tired child. It hurts her, the coldness in his eyes. He sighs tracing a circle around the rim of a whisky tumbler.

"You've gained weight."

Emma laughs angrily and unbelieving, but it's cut short as the circles on his glass continue faster and faster around, until she fades into a smile, gently saying,

"Sorry, Neal, I'll do better."

He smiles, putting down the glass to his side.

"Good girl. Now come here, I missed you."

Emma walks over and straddles him - surprised how wrong it feels but how right it feels to please him. She does want to make him happy, doesn't she? To repay his good will and good fortune? Or is she an ungrateful girl that can still be left if she displeases, abandonment or adoration the choice is hers - which is it, which is it, which is it - and their kisses turn into something more as he turns out the light in their bedroom.

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

Malcolm of Malcolm's restoration services was the first person Emma had found anywhere remotely close that was able to properly authenticate the rare safe she found hidden in one of the walls. In the old Master's study, Emma had found a loose panel, and had assumed it to be another thing to fix. Finding the safe, and then Googling the safe to see if could be broken into easily led Emma to discover that not only could it not - it might spray some sort of gas all over.

She called the man and he answered first ring, and she booked him to drive the hour to Carterhaugh. He was entirely unpleasant on the phone, but Emma thought that might be due to the surprise drive to the middle of nowhere.

He was wholly, entirely, and awfully beyond unpleasant in person.

Malcolm had shown up reeking of alcohol, his boots caked in mud that he'd tracked over the newly restored entryway, and had only been eager to get the safe out of the wall - and into his truck.

"Ya'dunno what's innit, so I'll charge ye a bit t'take it off yer hands. Be needing special tools anyway, which I only have at m'shop. Most safes are empty, but you'll know yet home is safe from t'gas at least."

"I'm sorry Mr. Malcolm, but no. I wish you didn't have to come all the way out here but I'll pay you -"

"Fine, fine, I'll open it here, I'll just…" He pulled a hammer out of his pocket, and Emma stopped him again.

"I would just really prefer if you don't? I read about these and I really don't want to risk it, when you say you need specific tools from your shop. If it's most likely empty I'll leave it for another day, and drive out there with you."

Malcolm smiled, greasily, lowering the hammer to his side. He nodded and turned to have Emma follow him towards the entry hall.

"Sounds good miss. It must be tough out here all alone by yourself."

Emma answered before she could think better of it. "Oh no, I'm used to being on my own really, and -"

The crack of the hammer missed her by such a small margin, she felt the breeze hit her forehead. It stuck in the wall as she threw herself back instinctively and stupidly, scrambling as Malcolm pulled the hammer free and swung again.

"Killian! Killian, fuck! Help!" She screamed down the hall towards the solarium, narrowly avoiding getting hit again as Malcolm swung wildly.

"You bitch, I thought you were alone up here!" The lunatic hissed, and Emma heard the sound of running steps as Killian yelled after her.

"Emma, if you've fallen again, I swear -" Killian took a look at Malcolm with his hammer raised above her, and became instantly enraged, running full speed at Malcolm with a roar of anger. The older man threw the hammer at him hitting Killian in the chest, scrambling to throw an entry table and chaise in Killian’s path as they ran for the door.

Emma heard the squealing of tires and shouts, unable to move from her sprawled defensive position on the floor. Killian came back in like a blur, and before Emma could find the air to ask him to call the police or if he was alright, he had wrapped his arms around her holding her head as she burst into tears.

"You're alright. Emma, I've got you. You're alright, love. What - Who was that? Did he hurt you? I would have been faster, I thought - I'm such an idiot I thought, and you could have been - Emma, please tell me you're alright because if he hurt you, I swear I will hunt the bastard down and stuff him." Emma wrapped her arms around him, tightly gripping him and crying inconsolably. Her shoulders shook, and he only whispered soothingly, only pulling away to lock the doors.

Emma called the police, recounting what happened to Killian and the department as they asked questions, Killian pacing by the time they thanked her for her statement.

"We'll keep an eye out for him Miss Swan, and if he should turn up again, give us a ring."

"What do you mean give us a ring, she could have bloody well died! Send someone after him -"

"Miss Swan, who is this?" The officer asked.

"Oh, he's - he's my roommate and helps with restoration. Jones."

The officer made a loud sigh. "Seainns? There's another of you?"

"No, Jones. Only the one." Killian gritted out.

"Alright Mr. Jones, well, we can't just arrest someone, as although they did damage, we don't know where they may be, and we are a small town with limited resources. We'll have someone in a car sit at the bottom of the drive until morning."

"Thanks." Emma mumbled. The sound of a click was followed by Killian’s shouts.

"Bloody useless! We'd have caught him on foot, and dragged him through town by his arms -"

"Hey, Killian?" Emma whispered, and he stopped pacing to look at her. "Will you stay with me tonight? Please?"

His eyes widened, and he moved toward her, although she shrunk back. "Oh, Emma -"

"I just don't want to be alone tonight." She mumbled, voice cracking. Unable to look at him, she felt him gather her hands, squeezing gently. When she yanked away he froze, then moved slightly away from her. Emma regretted it instantly.

"Of course, love. Your room?"

Emma nodded. She let him lead her up the stairs, stopping by his room to grab a few things, before he sat on the edge of her bed. He laid his pillow on the floor, but she grabbed his arm as he set about laying blankets there as well.

"No. If you don't want to I understand, but… Please, I want you close, I don't want to wake up and think I'm alone."

"Are you sure, Swan?" He asked, and she nodded.

Crawling into bed with her as she snuggled into him and let herself cry, he held her tightly.

"I promise Emma, I won't let anyone hurt you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you today -"

"You were." Emma whispered. "You are."

"I won't let harm befall you, in any way I can prevent. I promise."

He held her close, alert for any sounds as she fell asleep.

For the first time in years, she woke with no recollect of nightmares, fully rested, warm and safe. Tracing the scar on his cheek as he slept, the morning light hit his eyelashes and hair revealing auburn glints. They fluttered, and his eyes crinkled at their edges, blue and glints of gold.

"You stayed."

"I told you I wouldn't leave, love. You're safe."

Emma felt words pour out of her, his quiet listening while resting his hands gently in platonic embrace cathartic as she told him everything. Abandonment after abandonment, unending and unrelenting betrayals of trust that she explained as he comforted in the ways he could.

"I know you think that you have to be strong, and I know you think that you can't trust or lean on others. I will do everything that I can to prove myself to you, to prove that you deserve more."

"Why?" Emma asked, more plea than question.

Killian hesitated. Finally he swallowed hard. "It's what friends do."

Emma laughed softly, letting out a hum of contentment when she fell asleep again.

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

Mary Margaret and David visit once Emma has restored a suite she found suitable for them, her standards on the first place she would invite her adoptive brother ridiculously high. He had been absolutely hell bent on seeing the place, but had finally had enough when Emma had mentioned Killian more times than what was most likely normal for a staff member of the manor.

"I have tickets booked for Christmas. We're coming." He announced on their Skype call. Emma blanched, choking on her wine.

"Christmas?" she squeaked. "But that would mean presents and food, and we -"

Mary Margaret spoke calmly from just off camera. "We will get groceries in London for the week we're there, and ship the gifts straight to your house wrapped. Hell, I'll even buy Christmas crackers. All you need to do is open the doors, put up some semblance of a tree, and have somewhere we can sleep."

"But -"

"Emma. Mary lived with me and my ogre frat brothers on campus for two years. As long as there are no crusted socks on door handles, your place will be as immaculate as the Vatican. We're coming."

Emma tried to argue but couldn't get past either of them, finally conceding when Mary Margaret pointed out that Emma kept saying we when it came to her arguments.

"Did you meet someone? Is there a we now? Tell the gardener to bring a date, I follow him on that GreenThumb app - I want to meet him!"

In her Skype account's chat box, Emma saw her face go red. "No," she snapped, unsure why the thought irritated her. The interrogation probably, that sneaky, bird whispering, cookie pusher of a sister and law. "No, no one for me, but I'm sure Killian will be around. He told me he purchased an ugly sweater for himself."

Emma took a swig of wine while her brother made an irritated noise.

"He's telling you what he's wearing? Emma, is he gay?" Emma flooded her lungs in cabernet, coughing and spraying her laptop screen. "If he is, we know a nice man and can set them up - That Jefferson fellow, the artist at our old complex."

David laughed, both of them not paying attention to Emma hacking and scrubbing at her laptop with her robe. "Oh yeah! The artist that kept getting high and painting rabbits. He had that exhibit he invited us to, what was it called - with all the penises that were 'mushrooms'?"

"'Wünder.' it was called I think." Mary Margaret smacked him on the shoulder from off screen. "I remember because you said it should not have been called that in allusion to Wonderland when it attracted that blonde doctor, and more than a few bears."

"That's right!" David snapped his fingers, smirking at Emma from through the screen.

Now half choking and laughing, Emma gave a hoarse, "Fuck you both."

David smiled sweetly, and replied, "See you at Christmas, sis."

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

Mistake number one is completely Killian’s fault.

They have to get a tree, and not just any tree, a fifteen foot goddamn tree that goes in a specific place in the den, where it will lord over them like the undeserving peasants they are. Or, that's what Emma feels about the whole thing. Killian has precariously climbed up one of the big ladders with a long measuring tape to painstakingly make sure the dimensions of the tree are that of some sort of branch trunk ratio, muttering about 'gardener stuff' she wouldn't understand.

"We literally could just get a fake tree. I have one, I brought it, it's 5 feet and prelit -"

"Your brother is coming here, and you have never done Christmas in a real home. I want your first Christmas here to be…" Killian made a gesture and finally scratched behind his ear, and blushed. "I want you to feel at home."

"Oh." Emma blinked. "Okay…? But the thing is, Killian, I don't need a giant ass needle machine to make this place feel at home, my Christmas activities are usually Chinese food and whatever booze is on discount at the local drug store."

"Why are there stores for just drugs in America? You bloody people -"

"Do not change the subject, using my patriotism is not going to work on me this time."

"Fine. Fine! I'll get the tree up and all you need to get are the decorations."

"Fine. I ordered them with all the gifts, they'll arrive in three days. Please get the tree by then, and no shame if it's not that big, seriously. David and Two Ems will be here the day before."

Climbing down the ladder, he shut the measuring tape with a nod. "Then that's the day it will be here. That way we can all decorate it. I'll pull out my gifts when you lot put yours out."

Emma widened her eyes. "Oh, you didn't have to - I didn't know if you wanted to do that with us -"

Killian looked slightly defeated, and then embarrassed. "Oh. If I'm imposing… If no one got me -"

"I mean I did, but -"

His smile relit, his eyes crinkled at the corners. "That's all that matters. I'll get the tree, Swan."

David and Mary Margaret arrived, and the first hour was spent with Two Ems giggling and clapping her hands at the literal fairy tale property she's on, as David's jaw stays open.

"So, once I knew that you were coming up, I designed your suite. It's called the songbird suite, and I modeled it after both of you." Emma smiled shyly. Mary Margaret tackled her with a hug, and Emma laughed delightedly.

David approached the room and it's stained glass door and carved wood door, it's facade made to look like a tree dripping leaves that went from green to yellow and then red and brown. Turning the French handle that was made to look like a copper branch, they stepped inside. The room was wall to wall a mural of a verdant forest, the plaster inlay textured to give the illusion of dimension. A hearth of rustic wood burned merrily near the bathroom archway where a river stone bath and shower peeked out. Through the bathroom and past a rock cut double vanity lay a door out into a small garden courtyard, while past the tub a closet sprawled out with a booth for make up.

"Why is it the songbird room?" Mary Margaret asked.

Emma simply pointed up.

On the ceiling Killian has painted all the song birds that lived in their gardens, each one in detail and vivid coloring. He had draped plants in old bird cages they had found in the attic, growing the long vines to hang from the ceiling with flickering tea lights.

David walked to Emma, and smiled happily. "Can I hug you, Emma?" He asked quietly. She gave a simple nod, and he delicately embraced her, whispering in her ear so that Mary Margaret couldn't hear.

"You totally got me laid tonight, so thanks for that."

Emma burst out laughing, pushing him away while yelling how gross that was, and he started laughing too. Mary Margaret looked confused but hugged Emma again as she tried to breathe.

"I'm glad you like it Two Ems."

"It's perfect Em singular."

Just after that moment, Killian called from the hall.

"Can I draw your attention to the Den, Family Swan." Mary Margaret quirked an eyebrow, but Emma shrugged pushing past to the hallway and into the den. Killian stood next to a massive tree, its branches held by thick red twine. He held a pair of scissors in his hands. Emma simply held her mouth open in shock along with Mary Margaret, the enormity of the massive pine overwhelming. She didn't notice David's pointed glare at Killian. "Madame Swan, M'lady Mary Margaret, and… Er. Dave."

David cracked his knuckles as his hand balled into a fist, with a grunt. Emma was too busy trying to figure out the scale of the tree to acknowledge him.

"I give you, our Christmas tree." Killian gave a bow, and with a quick flourish, cut the twine. The tree sprung open, boughs decorated in soft lights, glitter, some manner of tinsel, and long strings of ribbons, popcorn and cranberries. "All that's left is the star, and ornaments."

"Killian, wow, I -" Emma covered her mouth, trying not to let tears prick her eyes. She walked half dazed, not taking her eyes off the tree as she came to his side. "It's more than I -"

"So you like it?" He asked quietly.

"I love it, you've - I don't even know -"

He looked concerned, and gently swiped at her eyes. "Love don't cry, it's alright," Hugging her, she laughed.

"It's just so pretty, I never imagined having anything like this. Never in my life, I just… Thank you. Thank you so much, thank you."

Killian laughed, giving her a spin as she let out a joyful shriek.

Emma didn't notice David's tension, or the excited tug Mary Margaret gave on his sleeve that went unnoticed as he glared.

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

The second mistake comes in the form of Dinner the next day. David had excused himself after decorating the tree, citing exhaustion. Mary Margaret had gone with him and they retired early. Their gifts had been delivered the next day, beautifully propped against the decorated tree, while a team of couriers helped unload the ridiculous amount of food Mary Margaret had ordered.

"So, I am making the pies and cookies, the casserole, and the mashed potatoes. I figure that you," Mary Margaret pointed a bright red spatula at Killian who grinned in delight, "Can do the bird, vegetables, and that rice dish Emma raves about over Skype -"

"I do not rave about it over Skype -" Emma moaned, covering her face. Her stomach gurgled loudly, Mary Margaret and Killian laughing while David glowered.

"And David will do the ham, the lamb, and the holy roast." Mary Margaret laughed, Killian joining in. Emma gave David a bright smile that he did not return, not noticing, animatedly talking to Killian while he cut vegetables, popping cherry tomatoes in her mouth as he pretended to be annoyed. David grunted, pulling out the large roast pans.

Mary Margaret elbowed David, jerking her head at Emma, and David cleared his throat.

"Emma, would you like to help Mary Margaret?" David asked in a strained voice. "I'm sure she will let you add more cinnamon than normal people like in their shortbread."

Rolling her eyes, Emma stuck out her tongue at David, throwing a cranberry at him. "You're lucky I never miss the chance to merge from Em singular into," In unison robot voices, Mary Margaret and her intoned, "Triple M, Femme from Hell."

The broke into giggles before beginning to work. Opening a bottle of champagne and dumping it into a pitcher with cranberry juice, cinnamon sticks and orange slices, Emma poured herself and Mary Margaret a mug.

"My contribution, dear Sister in law." Emma smiled. Mary Margaret clinker her mug against Emma's, glancing over to where the men were working. They were back to back in silence, each stabbing at different ingredients. Mary Margaret gave a quiet sigh. Emma looked between the men and Mary Margaret with a confused look. "What?"

"My husband - your brother - is being a butthead." Mary Margaret whispered. Emma laughed, before realizing that she was serious.

"Wait, what? Who even says butthead anymore, are you eight? What are you even -"

"He's jealous. He's jealous that," She pointed at Killian with a measuring cup as she filled it with flour. "He couldn't do this for you. I mean, I know that he has to know this is because of Nil who he absolutely despised, but now there's another person who you've let in your life that is here because of Neal, and who is showing him up, that you've let in -"

"Fuck, I didn't even, I didn't think -" Emma hissed, and threw back her drink. Hissing in a quiet whisper, she gripped the counter. "Shit shit shit shit. But - but Killian is different, he's not like Neal at all and is just a friend. He's - there's nothing.".

Mary Margaret raised an eyebrow, smirking, before her face fell.

"Wait. Emma, you're serious? You and him aren't -" Emma shook her head, and Mary Margaret's eyes went wide. "But, but, he's - Oh, Emma."

Emma looked at her stupidly, blinking as Mary Margaret grabbed her hand and patted, looking over at Killian. He had moved around to the oven, jockeying for space and showing David how to work the various modes as her brother's hands balled further into fists.

When he caught their gazes, Killian gave a wave her way, smiling at her.

Emma turned back, and Mary Margaret was gulping down her own glass of the champagne mixture, putting up a finger to stop Emma from speaking as she poured another and downed it just as quickly.

"Wha?" Emma managed, but Mary Margaret just shook her head, muttering.

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

The dinner was fantastic, even if Mary Margaret got exceedingly drunk and laughed entirely too hard at the dirty jokes in her Christmas cracker, but David loosened up as the night went on and they all wore their silly hats, food being passed and eaten. They were all well drunk as the lamb and roast's smell wafted from the kitchen for the next day, and cookies were happily munched on by the fire.

They played a silly almost game of spades at a low coffee table in the den, trading white elephant gifts of ridiculous pajamas and blanket sets Mary Margaret had picked out, Emma receiving a mustache print blanket and flaming hot cheetos mixed with mistletoe pajamas. Mary Margaret fared much better, a Scooby-Doo onesie with Santa hat, rainbow blanket with poop emojis, and matching poop Emoji pillow. David received a silky mumu in a pepto pink with glittery loafers and a blanket with the repeated words 'Diva' and 'Princess' in cursive on it, but Killian fared worst of all.

"You've bested me, Mary Margaret. I shan't forgive you for this." He raised a fist in fake anger, plinking in his ears as he pulled out the offending garment. They all cackled, Mary Margaret actually falling over in peals of laughter as he glared at her in good humor and sang out mockingly, "Revenge, revenge, revenge will be mine."

A silky black robe with lace trim and black velour booty shorts were held in his hands, the red and white candy cane lettering across the back reading, 'Naughty List'. The blanket print was a black and red velour with Santa wearing devil horns.

David could not stop laughing as they all took a photo together, Killian bright red in embarrassment and drink, the both of them staying late up into the night talking. They all changed or got comfortable, Triple M falling asleep cuddled together in a drunk doze.

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

Christmas morning marked the third and final mistake, a group of hung over almost thirty somethings waking up to a cold hearth and backs that protested not sleeping on a mattress. Killian was up first as usual, fetching wood and dropping it with a yawn in the grate, stoking the embers. Mary Margaret and David woke up later as Emma dozed in and out, listening to their conversation.

"If you give him any trouble -"

"- How can she not know, I mean -"

"I mean it David, I will give you a new year's resolution of a dry spell if you -"

"That is emotional manipulation, Snow, and I'm only worried for my sister -"

"Don't 'Snow' me, this is the happiest I've seen her in so long, and you could be happy with her, last night you told me he was a good guy -"

"Last night I was drunk! Come on, Snow I -"

"David, if you don't act charming I'll… After we open gifts, go help him in the garden. Please."

Her brother gave a dramatic sigh, grunting out an okay. Falling back asleep until she smelled coffee, Emma led them in devouring ham with toast. They sat around the tree opening gifts, as they felt life returning in the form of caffeine.

They all received socks, some books, and various other gifts tailored to them. Mary Margaret got several kits for her class, a voucher for archery lessons, and several bird feeders that would be delivered to their home. David got free dog training courses for their puppy, wireless headphones, and a new pair of boots he had been eyeing. Emma was surprised to receive a wallpaper book based on period design, several dresses, a wine club subscription, and a beautiful shadowbox frame full of photos of hee adoptive mother. David had squeezed her hand at that, both of them sharing a look.

Emma was beyond grateful that Killian was given gifts by Mary Margaret, who'd given him a National Geographic subscription, Play store card, and to his delight, purchased an actual star for him.

"It's registered, you just go online and name it. They will give you the coordinates, which you can track on the phone app, or a telescope." Mary Margaret explained.

"Which brings me to my gifts to you." Emma smiled. She handed him a small envelope, and he opened it cautiously.

Inside was a voucher for a flower of the month and seed of the month club respectively, but what caught his eye was a scrawled message inside.

'In the Solarium.'

"Swan, I thought about what to get you, and -"

"Aren't you going to look in the Solarium?"

"Well, yes, but -"

"No, you've got to go look! I want to see your face. You probably won't shut up for weeks about it." Emma grinned, standing.

Killian sighed, and they all moved towards the bright sunshine of the glass enclosure. He rounded the bend, and Emma thought his gasp of excitement was worth its weight in gold. The telescope there was gold, designed like an old sextant but completely up to date with the newest technology. Emma watched him trace a finger before looking back at her and trying to find words.

"I know, I know. Your gift won't compare." She groused, and he looked overcome.

"Emma, this is too much -"

"No. It's not." She stated firmly. He shook his head, laughing in disbelief.

Pulling out a velvet box, he opened it and the sun caught green gems. "I guess I don't have to feel bad about this then. I had them restored after that awful man attacked you. They were in the safe, they're emeralds, a set of combs, earbobs, and necklace set in silver."

He handed the box to her, and Emma could not find words, even} rest assured I'd never let harm befall her." Clapping a hand against David's back, he gave a grim look of resolve. "Never."

David sputtered briefly, before breaking into a grin, and clapping Killian on the back as well, Mary Margaret smiling as she watched Emma swipe away tears from her eyes. Emma closed the box, coming back to the moment, no one noticing her quick sleight of hand as she threw the box under a shelf.

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

Mary Margaret and David left with Killian feeling like an old friend, their bags heavy and concerned heavily with how they would ever get through customs with the amount of food they had.

Killian had given them a historic tour of the property, fascinating Mary Margaret, who even forgave his refusal to take her through the woods.

"They're just lovely, and so weird too. They should not have leaves, and yes there are some fir and pine in there, but it's just so dense. It doesn't make sense, the branches practically knit together."

Killian just smiled blandly, and shrugged. "That land is strange."

David and Killian were acting as if they were best friends, and Emma was delighted, even beyond her distress over Killian’s gift. When she was sure they were all occupied, Emma had dug earth out of one of the many pots in the solarium garden. Pouring the jewels into the hole, she paused, feeling a pang of regret. Bracing herself, she covered the hole in dirt, knowing that she could not survive with the memory of Neal so close.

Returning to them, they played more games, and Emma showed them plans for the next rooms, they watched a few movies, and overall enjoyed each other's company.

Seeing them off, Emma hugged her brother tightly without him having to ask if it was alrght, his surprise turning into a tight embrace of joy.

Killian and her waved goodbye from the hall, watching the taxi pull away from Carterhaugh, Emma leaning into him when they were out of sight.

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

After the house quieted from the holidays, Emma began having night terrors regularly. As this continued into the beginning of Spring, Killian found her several times drooling onto a pile of receipts or restoration samples, wallpaper swatches wet and blurred on the edges. Emma had guiltily proposed that she sleep in the garden while he worked, but he had been horrified by that suggestion.

To combat this and his lack of movie knowledge, Emma came up with what she considered an ingenious solution - using leftover furniture, pillows, and an assortment of old linens, she set up fort pillow-haugh with absolute precision. Falling asleep to Indiana Jones ('Are you sure there's no relation between you two?' she had asked to receive a cheeky grin back) while sated on popcorn and feeling comforted by Killian’s nearby presence was the easiest way to rest. So what if her back protested or in the middle of a thunderstorm she tucked into him so tightly she was afraid he might have bruised - they're friends.

They're friends alone in the middle of nowhere, and he holds her like he can't imagine anyone who wouldn't worship the ground she walked on.

They're friends and he spoons against the back of her softly, without any degree of disrespect or disregard, everything up to her.

They're friends as she is deeply asleep, but without dreams hears his voice like a bell over still water, feeling his nose bury into the hair at the nape of her neck and his lips on her shoulder.

"I love you, Emma. One day, I'll tell you how much with no trickery, and I will win your heart."

Even if it's only pretty words in dreams as he held her, Emma smiled and relaxed further into his touch. It's a dream she wants nothing more than to keep having as her second anniversary of living in Carterhaugh rolls around.

-·=»‡«=·- 🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹 -·=»‡«=·-

The fight is really her fault, but Emma gives stubborn a run for its money on her best days.

The upstairs bath in the all blue guest room had been leaking and making the hall reek of mildew. Fearing that she might have to replace tile that was quite literally irreplaceable, Emma went about getting a plumber, securing an appointment with one but not for two weeks.

So she had taken a wrench to the exposed faucets, carefully moving tiles from the mosaic floor of some red haired mermaid, following YouTube videos on how to turn the water off in the old pipes with a shut off valve. When her wrench slipped on the rusty piping and she cut herself, her chorus of curse words echoed down the halls, but she hadn't expected Killian’s breathless arrival or worried eyes.

"Emma, what did you - Are you alright?" He stared at the red dripping from her hand and her disheveled state.

Emma nodded, trying to push past, but he held fast. "I just - it's just a cut. I'm alright." The worry in his gaze made her feel under spotlight. It had been almost a year of work, but no one in that time span had ever cared about her, except Mary Margaret. Not that she counted; the woman loved everyone.

Killian only shook his head. Pulling a black handkerchief from his pocket, he wrapped it delicately around the cut, bending low to make sure the knot he made was tight. "I thought you said you were calling a plumber?" he asked quietly, the worry now lacing his voice.

"I did, I just need to turn off this valve and it's stuck -" Emma gestured, and Killian picked up the wrench, bending to look. Before she could protest, he turned the wrench - in the wrong direction. There was a hiss, then a pop, and suddenly there was water shooting at both of them, ice cold, coming from different directions as she wiped at her face and Killian stared up at her in shocked surprise. She stumbled and he caught her, stumbling as well and trying to gain purchase back on the valve, while Emma screamed at him to shut it off, just shut it off -

They slipped together, and his body was on top of hers, chest heavy and dripping but blocking the jets of water as he turned the valve to stop the torrent at last. When he looked down at her prone and underneath him, he was soaking wet, hair plastered to his forehead and neck, beads getting stuck in his raised eyebrows.

Emma began to laugh uncontrollably, the urge bubbling up without warning as Killian’s eyes widened and his pupils grew larger. He began to laugh too, his weight on her slight as he tried to hold himself above her while his chest was so close she could feel his heart thundering. His stare leveled at her lips, but when she pushed upwards, he pushed off of her to stand pink all the way across his ears and cheeks. Scratching his ear he mumbled an excuse to leave, but she was soaked and cold, the want heavy from the way everything clung to him like leather.

Pulling on the fabric of his shirt in two rough fistfuls, she kissed him. He reacted in a muffled grunt that slowly turned into a groan matching her own keen, his tongue and hers together moving in languid synchronization. It was only when they parted breathless, and he broke the moment with the roughest voice she had heard from him, that thought returned.

"That was…"

Emma practically threw herself away from him, her body aching for more of whatever that was -

"A one time thing." She heard herself say, too busy trying to flee, to get away from the man she had just desired and obviously desired her, that lived with her, that was her friend, that was her employee - and Oh God Emma what a royal mother of all screw ups.

Hiding away from him as she could hear her phone buzz, hear his footsteps, his quiet pleading from the other side of her door as she hid on the balcony. She could see him pacing in his room, calling out to her where she hid. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this or in any way.

He was relentless, and hurt, which she guessed was to be expected. When his knocking and pleading stopped it was a relief and an absolutely terrifying moment in its own right - the halls of Carterhaugh were silent but for the sound of her door opening. An empty bottle of wine laid a slight ways down the hall, the bottle's neck pointing towards Killian’s room.

He was gone. He had gone and she was alone again like she has been all her life - was before this. The royal fucking mother of screw ups and the granddaddy of absolute stupidity, pushing away the first good thing that has happened to her by kissing him. By letting him chip away at the ice around her soul, only to freeze him out because she - she, not him - kissed him.

She was a lunatic. She's an idiot lunatic. She's an idiot lunatic that just wants to go back to that moment and…

And kiss him again, and again, and feel his heart thump and hear that groan into her mouth, feel the way his hand found her hip and tongue slipped past her lips -

Fuck.

#Courtorderedcake #September 12th 2019 #2019 #CSSNS #CSSNS 2019 #Roses #Tam Lin #captain swan fanfiction #captain swan #cs au #CS FF #captain swan fic #Captain swan fan fiction

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

Text

Let’s start with you. How are you? Struggling, but here we are. What motivates you to get up every day? My body wakes me up and I finally drag myself outta bed for coffee. Do you have a true best friend? My mom. Do you see yourself as a sensitive person? Very. Have you been upset recently? Mhm.

Do you still leave/receive voicemails? I hateeee leaving voicemails. I very rarely get voicemails anymore. Do you live in your hometown? Yeah. Are you a festive person? Do you enjoy holidays? I love the holidays. Did you/Will you attend college? I did. I graduated in 2015. How many alarm clocks do you use? I’ve been known to just turn it off and fall back asleep, so I have to set several. Do you consider yourself to be an open-minded person? Yeah. Do you eat fruit? I like some fruits, but I’ve never been a big fruit eater. I honestly haven’t had any fruits in at least 3 years, possibly 4. What is your favorite subject to learn about? Psychology. How many meals a day do you typically eat? 2-3 on good days, sometimes just 1, sometimes none. Music, eh? Have you seen any live shows? Yeah, a few. Name three of your favorite bands/artists… I have many. How big of a role does music play in your life? I enjoy music, but I don’t listen to it as much as I used to. Can you play any instruments? I used to play some piano, but it’s over 10 years now since I’ve played. You’re feeling down - do you listen to sad music or happy? I gravitate toward the sad stuff. Ya know, #relatable and all that. If you’ve ever been to a concert, how old were you and who did you see? I’ve been to a few. My first one was when I was 16. The others were when I was 18 and early 20s. Do you prefer music to be meaningful and deep, or purely for dancing/fun? I like both. Is there a song or artist that you secretly enjoy, but don’t want to enjoy? No. I like what I like, I don’t care. If you could only listen to music from one decade, which would you choose? That’s toughhh. I love my 90s, but I like variety of music from different decades and like to listen to a bit of everything, so it would be hard to choose just one. Has your parents taste in music in any way affected what you like? Yeah. We like a lot of the same stuff, especially my mom and I. You’re looking for some new music - what’s your preferred way to discover? Spotify. Do you still own any CD’s/records/tapes? Nope. A few years ago I sold them to a record store. Do you download music for free or pay for it? I use Spotify. We have the premium subscription, so we pay for it. Well, my mom does :X It’s a group plan thing that we have. Do you ever hear a new song on tv that you like and find it? Yeah, there’s been many times I’ve heard a song in a commercial or TV show/movie and looked it up. Speaking of television… (look at that smooth transition!) Do you watch a lot of television? Whether that be shows, news, movies etc. My TV is always on, but it does serve as background noise a lot. I have my shows I watch and pay attention to, and then there’s times I have something on and I tune in and out. Do you watch the news? I watch entertainment news more often, but yeah I watch the regular news like The Today Show or some of our local news sometimes. I get most of news online, though. What about the weather channel? No. I just use the app on my phone. What’s your favorite holiday movie? I love Christmas movies, there’s too many to name. What hooks you to a television show? Drama, suspense, comedy etc. I like all that, just depends on the plot really. How do you feel about adult cartoons? Not really my thing.

Talk shows - boring or entertaining? I watch a few. Do you prefer cable, satellite or streaming? We have satellite and we have streaming services like Netflix and Hulu as well. Have you come across any new shows you like this year? I have a list of shows I want to watch, but haven’t gotten around to, yet. I think the only new shows I’ve watched were The Hills: New Beginnings and I got into Whose Line is it Anyway?, both new and old seasons lol. I used to watch it during its original run, but I recently started watching again because this one channel airs it every weeknight. OH, The Act on Hulu was really good. That was the Gypsy Rose mini series. But yeah, there’s a lot of shows I need to get around to watching. Do you still watch shows that you grew up watching? Yep, a few. What about movies that you grew up with? Lion King and Toy Story are mine! Yep, many. Are you subscribed to any streaming services? Netflix and Hulu. Reality shows - entertaining or horrifying? I watch quite a few, ha. What is the first movie you ever saw in a cinema? I don’t know the very first, but the one that always comes to mind for some reason is Stuart Little. I know that’s not the very first, though. Let’s talk about what you don’t discuss at Sunday brunch… Do you identify with any organized religion? Christianity. If so - is it how you were raised, or have you found your own? My paternal grandparents are Christians and I went to church and Sunday school sometimes with them, but my parents weren’t/aren’t religious. They both believe in God, but they didn’t raise me with any religion. I was actually atheist and then agnostic for most of my life, up until 3 years ago. Do you think that marijuana should be legalized? Yes. If so, would that be for medical use only, or recreational? It has a lot of benefits so definitely for medical/health purposes, but I don’t care if people want to do it recreationally. Pro-life or pro-choice? Have you ever protested or been on strike? No. Is gun control necessary or no? Yes of course. Are you happy with the political state where you reside? Blahhh politics. Why do you feel that way? Have you read the book 13 Reasons Why or watched the show? Both. I read the book in high school or middle school, I don’t remember which and I’ve watched the show. The tv show brings teenage suicide to light in a graphic manner. Should shows like this be available to everyone or could it be a trigger? I mean, I think it’s something that needs to be talked about. It’s a real thing and we can’t act like it doesn’t exist. Mental illness is already so taboo and people don’t want to talk about, so it gets pushed under the rug and there’s stigma attached to it and people aren’t educated on it like they should be. I understand it can be triggering and difficult for people and that’s fine, they don’t have to watch it if they feel they can’t. I also want to note that there were warnings before each episode. Okay, let’s simmer down. Back to happy things. Do you like animals? Yes. If so, do you have any pets? Yep, I have a doggo. (: What is your favorite day of the week and why? * I dont have a favorite day of the wk. They’re prtty much all the same to me <<< Same. Do you have a favorite season? Fall and winter. How do you enjoy nice scents? Candles, wax melts, incense, oils etc. I have a few candles actually, but I never light them lol. They smell great, though. We have a few wax warmers around the house, though, which are nice. I like those because I don’t have use fire. I also like to use some air fresheners, just nothing too strong. Do you live in a large city or small town? It’s medium sized I’d say. Are you happy with that or would you like to change it? I’d like to live in a smaller city, I think. Do you have any children? Nooo. Are there any colors that you think compliment you? Black. Do you enjoy cleaning or find it to be a chore? I definitely don’t enjoy it. What is your absolute favorite food? For the past few months it’s been scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach by itself or wrapped in a tortilla, bologna sandwiches, Ramen, and pizza. If you were any color, what would you be? Gray. Do you spend a lot of time on social networks? Yeah. Books or movies? I enjoy both.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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filmflowersbangtan · 7 years ago

Text

Heartbreaker with a Heart of Gold

inspired by this song

pairing: rockstar!jungkook x reader

genre: angst, smut

word count: 3.8k

a/n: this was supposed to be a short drabble, and originally the reader was supposed to be the one who broke the heart (hence the song) and it definitely wasn’t supposed to be this angsty, but oh well. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

You’re just getting out of work, and as soon as you turn on your car, you hear it. That stupid song that can’t seem to leave you alone. Jungkook, the lead singer of the hit rock band, Burning Rabbit, croons from the speakers along to the pop punk guitar chords about how he misses the girl who broke his heart. It’s a catchy song, you can’t lie, but the fact that it’s about you and how he makes it seem like he is so heartbroken about your break up makes you want to punch him every time it comes on.

“you know I miss when we’d kiss and it’d smear your lipstick”

You can’t turn off the radio quick enough.

It was around this time almost three years ago when Jungkook moved to LA after his band got signed to a famous record label. He told you that he’d keep in contact with you. That he’d visit as much as he could. That he loved you. But about a month after leaving, he stopped texting and calling as much. And then a mere week after the band’s first EP dropped, Burning Rabbit was a sensation.

For a short time, you were happy for him. Proud, even. But then a few days later, the magazines and articles on every pop culture website was imploding with news about how he was dating a beautiful actress.

It hurt, but you were angrier than you were sad. You called him that night after finishing an entire bottle of Smirnoff and poured out your grievances, including more swear words in your sentences than you ever would sober and calling him every demeaning word that you could think of. You told him that you hated him. You told him that you never wanted to talk to him ever again… Only to realize that Jungkook didn’t have that number anymore and you were screaming at a complete stranger.

Jungkook broke up with the actress, but then there were other girls. He dated them for weeks at most, and he quickly gained the title of “heartbreaker” in the tabloids.

You cried for days straight. With the help of your friends, you slowly got over Jungkook, but you kept relapsing every time his face popped up on an advertisement on TV, on a billboard or on any popular app on your phone. You lurked on his Instagram, which now had millions of followers. His face, his smile, his laugh. You missed him so much that it physically hurt.

And then when you really believed that you were over him, Burning Rabbits’ songs were all over the radio again and appearing in popular playlists on Spotify when they dropped their first album. Jungkook was inescapable. But you turned all that heartache into hatred to help cope.

Three years passed. Jungkook going through girlfriends like disposable coffee cups no longer made you want to cry. It was only pathetic to you. And then there was some rumors about Jungkook leaving the band, but then they put out a second album together.

When you found out the name of the very first track on the album, it made you outraged.

The music store around the corner from your house was always your favorite place to go to, but since you met Jungkook there, you had avoided it for a while. Now that you were completely over Jungkook, you were okay with going back. It was out of pure curiosity when you picked up the Burning Rabbits album, but you did not expect Jungkook to be that petty.

“Me? How could he name a song after me?” you shouted, holding up the plastic album case in your hand as if you were going to hurl it across the room.

Your best friend, Joy, glanced uneasily around the store. “Y/N, calm down. We’re in public,” she said with both of her hands out like you were a wild animal that she was trying to pacify.

“Should I sue him? I think I should sue him.” Your voice was still three octaves higher than any normal person inside of a record store would have. You were aware that people were looking at you, even though they were trying to pretend that they weren’t, but you didn’t care.

“You can’t sue Jungkook. Do you know how many teenage girls will come for your head?” Joy said.

“I don’t care. I just need to do something. He can’t just treat me like that and then name a song after me.”

Joy’s ears were red. “If you’re upset about the title,” she muttered sheepishly, “then you’ll be really pissed when you hear the song.”

An hour later, you listened to the song. It wasn’t hard to find since Burning Rabbits was the “hot, new thing” out at the moment.

“help me understand your pain, your ache, your loving”

That was when you turned off the song. Hot, angry tears were streaming down your face. You didn’t know what to do. You wanted to scream. You wanted to call Jungkook and yell in his ear again, but you knew that it was no use. Even if he did still have his old phone number, three years had already passed since your break up, and you didn’t want him to know that he still affected you.

Now, you’re kicking off your shoes and rubbing your neck. All you really want to do is soak in a hot bath and curl up in bed on your clean sheets. You have the water running and you’re just about to disrobe when your doorbell rings.

From the bathroom, you call, “Who is it?” You have to shout over the water, so maybe the visitor doesn’t hear you. It’s strange. Your friends know to call or text before stopping by, and there are no notifications on your phone. With a sigh, you go to the door and peer out the peephole.

You don’t recognize the person. There is a black mask covering his nose and mouth, and he’s looking down at his feet, so his shaggy hair shields his eyes. “Um, who is it?” you repeat.

The person clears their throat. “Hey, uh, it’s me.” He lowers his voice a little, “Jungkook.”

For a split second, your blood runs cold. But then you laugh. It must be one of your male friends thinking that it’ll be funny to prank you like this now that you don’t show any signs of pining for the famous man anymore. It has to be. With a smile, you open the door. “You assh–”

But then your eyes meet his. Those are the eyes that you fell in love with six years ago, sophomore year of college, right in that music store when you saw him testing out a guitar. You worked there, and you asked if he was finding everything okay. He looked up from strumming the guitar, tossing the dark bangs from his eyes. With a smile, he said, “Yeah, I think I am now.”

“Hey,” he says now.

That simple word bounces around in the sudden emptiness in your head like a steel ball in a pinball machine. After a few silent seconds of staring at him, your senses comes back to you. As involuntary as your heart beating, your hand lifts and slaps Jungkook right across the face.

He rubs his fingers across his cheek while nodding. He pulls the mask down from his mouth before saying, “I guess I deserved that.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” you say. Your chest heaves like you had been doing cardio exercise for thirty minutes. There are a million and one things that you want to say to him, but all the words jumble and trip over one another leaving you breathless and frustrated.

“You changed your phone number.” He says this so simply like you both are on good terms. Like you got a new number and just forgot to tell him, not because he broke your heart in a thousand pieces and you were scared that he’d call one day and you’d be too weak to not answer.

“No, I mean like, what the hell are you doing here?” Tears are trying to claw their way up your throat, and you hate that feeling.

There is confusion in his eyes. “I just wanted to see you, Y/N.”

You shake your head and blink a few times to recollect your thoughts. “Are you insane? What makes you think that you can just leave and stop talking to me and then start dating other people without us even being officially broken up? What makes you think that it’s even okay to be here talking to me after three years? What, because you wrote a bad song about me? Go fuck yourself, Jungkook.”

You move to close the door, but his hand shoots out to stop it. “Please. Please hear me out.” His eyes are filled to the brim with desperation. “I know I fucked up, but please, can you hear my side of the story? Please?”

You are still breathing heavy from the anger coursing through your veins, but there is a sincerity in his eyes that makes you cave. “Okay. You get five minutes.”

He nods, exhaling a breath in relief. You widen the door for him.

Jungkook steps inside of your apartment. He seems so big inside of the tiny space, and you’re about to ask him how he found out your address, but you already know that Joy must’ve been the one to tell him. She never changes her phone number and she’s always been soft for him.

Jungkook only takes a seat when you tell him that he can. And when you say, “Okay, what’s ‘your side of the story?’” he takes a deep breath and his words spill like a broken faucet.

He starts from the beginning: The record label was controlling and told him that he couldn’t keep in contact with his friends. They withheld his personal phone, telling him that they’d give it back when he “gains privileges.” They had him date certain girls for certain amounts of time to help him gain popularity. He had no creative control over his music for two whole years, and for a while he went with it because it brought him and his band a lot of money and popularity. But he felt like an empty shell. He missed his friends. He wanted creative control over his music. And with every fiber in his being, he missed you. So, he hired a lawyer and broke the contract. He left the company, and he didn’t expect the band to come with him, but they did. They joined a different company that treated them fairly, and they came out with their current album. The one with your song. He tried getting in contact with everyone, but nearly everyone either had a different number or didn’t want to talk to him. But then Joy caved and talked to him, but she told him to give you a little more time. He only waited a few weeks before he asked for your address and decided to show up at your door.

He takes another breath when he finishes his story. His eyes search yours for forgiveness, but you’ve been angry at him for so long that you honestly don’t know how to feel.

“How am I supposed to believe you, Jungkook? That sounds a little outrageous. Your company was keeping you from talking to me? You couldn’t talk to me nor any of our friends at all?” Something deep down inside of you believes him, but you can’t help but give him a hard time. That’s the only way that you are keeping yourself from crying at just the sight of him sitting across from you on your very own sofa.

“I know, it sounds unbelievable, and if I really tried hard enough, I could’ve snuck around and kept in contact, but I really wanted to trust them. I really wanted the band to get famous, so I let them do whatever they wanted.”

“Even if that meant letting me go?” your voice quivers a bit, and you clench your hands, letting your nails bite into the palms of your hands to steady yourself.

He looks down at his feet. With a defeated voice, he whispers, “Yes.”

You turn your eyes up to the ceiling to keep the tears from falling and take a deep breath.

That’s when you hear the water hitting the floor.

“Shit!” you shout and jump up to race to the bathroom. Water is all over the tile floor. You hastily shut the tap off. You pull the folded towels off a nearby shelf and flatten them on the floor to soak up the water.

Jungkook hovers by the open door, looking unsure of himself.

“Don’t just stand there,” you say, tossing a few towels at him. He catches them effortlessly. “If you’re going to be here, at least make yourself useful.”

He nods. “Right. Sorry.” He kneels beside you and wipes up the water along with you.

It’s insane to think about, really. Jungkook, the country’s most well-known and beloved “bad boy,” dubbed the “heartbreaker with a heart of gold” after releasing that song about you. Jungkook, who you were so very in love with but left you behind in exchange for fame is now in your tiny bathroom on his knees, mopping up water with you. It’s so incredulous that you find yourself laughing.

Jungkook pauses to look at you. His eyes are wide and concerned, and you’re amazed at how in pictures taken by paparazzi, they are so emotionless, but now they are as open and readable as they’d ever been. He smells like expensive cologne – shit that he could never afford in college – and your laughter segues into tears as he watches you fall apart like a madwoman.

Your pants are soaked as you sit on the damp floor, but you don’t care. You pull your knees up to your chest and you cry hard like you did in those days when Jungkook first broke your heart. Now he’s here in front of you, popping open the stitches that you’d fooled yourself into thinking were healed without even trying.

“Oh, baby,” Jungkook says. If you could talk through your wall of tears, you would tell him not to call you ‘baby.’ You would tell him that he lost that privilege. But you don’t, and you don’t stop him from crawling over to you and enveloping you in his arms. You nestle your face into his soft fleece sweatshirt and curl your fingers into the baggy fabric as you sob. God, you missed him so much.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook whispers into your hair. “I’m so fucking sorry that I did this to you.” He holds you on the floor for so long that his legs are probably cramping, but he doesn’t complain.

“I just –” your voice cracks when you finally decide to speak. Your tears have dwindled. Now, not only are his pants legs wet, but his sweatshirt is soaked as well.

“Take your time,” Jungkook murmurs. His hand continues to rub deep, soothing circles between your shoulder blades. “I’m listening.”

“I just need to change out of these clothes,” you say because you don’t think you can say anything else at the moment.

“Okay,” he says in an understanding tone. His knees crack when he stands up. He reaches out for your hand to help you up. You take it.

You don’t want to look at him. Your eyes are probably red, and you know you look like a mess from crying and from having a shitty day at work. And you don’t want to look into those eyes of his. Those are the eyes that songs are written for. Those are the eyes that made the entire country fall in love with him.

“Jungkook,” you say. The bathroom is so small that your lower back is pressing against the sink and Jungkook is so close that you have to tilt your head up to look at him.

His eyes pierce right into yours, making it harder for you to breathe. “Yeah?”

“Why are you here? Why, after all this time did you come back?” Why come back to you when there are literally millions of girls that he can start over with? Yeah, he wrote a song about you, but why come back at all? He had to have known that you weren’t going to fall back into his arms in glee.

“Because it’s you,” he says softly, almost like he’s embarrassed. “How could I not come back? You’re all I could think about for three years.” His neck slightly turns red under your stare and he scratches at the back of his head, a sign that he’s feeling self-conscious.

You bite your lip when you feel your chest tighten. Your veins are thrumming again, but there is no anger this time. “Do you love me?”

He doesn’t hesitate. “I never stopped.”

All the air in the bathroom is gone. Your mind is screaming at you to do something instead of stare at him. All your thoughts are mixed together like alphabet soup. He must feel the shift in the air because his breathing is shallow, and he swallows thickly.

He slowly lifts a hand. With a bated breath, you watch him use his little finger to gently tuck around your own. Your eyes flick up to look at his face. He’s watching your hands, gradually slipping his hand in yours when you don’t pull away. His palm is warm and damp inside of your own. You don’t know if it’s your heartbeat or his that you hear.

You tug him closer to you. So close that his chest presses against yours. So close that now you’re craning your neck to look at his face.

His eyes are dark and intense, but still concerned and gentle somehow. You trace the hard line of his jaw with your fingertips. His eyelids flutter closed. You run the pad of your thumb over his full bottom lip. He inhales deeply. This is the same Jungkook that you fell in love with so long ago. There is no need to learn the lines of him all over again.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” he whispers.

You nod, all words failing you.

He lets go of your hand to slip his fingers up the plane of your back and curl them around the back of your neck. His lips touch yours for the first time in what feels like forever. You sigh into his mouth.

His kisses are gentle and unsure in the beginning like he’s exploring you for the very first time. Subtle pecks on the corner of your mouth and on your cheekbone. You card a hand through his hair. It’s softer and silkier than you remember.

His hands are on your hips, waist, thighs now. They’re hungrier and more impatient than his mouth. He bunches up the bottom of your shirt, the skin of his palm coming in direct contact with the skin of your waist.

He’s abandoned your mouth to suck and bite on the expanse of your neck. You moan. This wakens something inside of him, and his kisses match the zealous pace of his hands. He lifts you up onto the sink, and you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, feeling the erection rub against your core. He grinds into you, his breaths quickening into desperate pants.

“I wanted to hate you,” you say, throwing your arms around his neck as his hips thrust into your clothed core, making you feel better than any other man that you’ve been with in the past three years ever has. “I thought I hated you for the longest time, but – ah – Jungkook, I love you so much that it drives me crazy.”

He’s sucking bruises into the skin of your collarbones, his hands under your shirt, and your clothes feel like such a burden. “I’ve missed everything about you,” he breathes. “I’ve especially missed the way you say my name.”

You push your hands under his sweatshirt. He lifts his arms and you successfully yank the fabric off, tossing it onto the floor. You drink him up with your eyes. He’s more toned than before, his muscles rippling with ever subtle move of his body. The heat between your thighs is unbearable.

You both don’t make it to the bedroom. The couch is closer. Jungkook carries you, tripping along the way because you don’t stop kissing him. He falls on top of you on the couch and you both kick off the rest of your clothes.

He kisses you, long and slow as he lines himself up to your entrance. “I love you,” he whispers against your lips.

“I love you, too,” you repeat.

He’s trembling as he pushes himself into you. You gasp into his mouth at the mixture of pain and pleasure. He lets you get adjusted to his girth, peppering kisses all over your face in the meantime.

When he starts to move, you know that you’re not going to last long. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, whispering a mantra of “I love you” and “fuck, you’re so beautiful.” His thrusts are deep and slow like he’s trying to savor this moment, but you’re already so, so close and the way that he’s breathing into your ear –

A white surge of electricity surges through you, making your toes curl and your body arch. You dig your nails into the hard muscles of his back, making him hiss.

“Oh, Y/N, I’m not going to last long with you squeezing around me like that – ah – I’m –” His moans kick off into whines and his thrusts turn shallow. You bite your lip at the oversensitivity, but you clench around him to help milk out his orgasm. He twitches and spills into you, all the energy trickling out of him. He sighs in content and lies on top of you, closing his eyes.

“I could lie here forever,” he mumbles, sleep already calling to him. “Your arms are the only place that I want to be.”

You push your fingers idly through his hair and laugh softly. “Why does that sound like it could be song lyrics?”

“They probably are. I’ve written so many songs for you that I can’t keep track of them all.”

A warm feeling spreads in your chest, slow and warm like honey. “Are they anything like the one playing on the radio?”

A sleepy smile plays on his lips. “No. That one was only to get your attention. All the others are softer and sweeter, just how you like.” His words are slurred now. He’s silent for so long that for a moment, you think that he’s asleep, but he calls your name.

“Hm?” you say.

“I don’t plan on writing any other songs unless they’re about you.”

You smile, and when you turn to look at him where he has his face resting in the curve of your neck, he’s fast asleep.

#kreativewritersnet #btscreatorsnet #bangtanwriters-net #jungkook smut #Jungkook scenarios

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michaelmikkelson · 6 years ago

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iHeartMedia: How to Make Sense of All Your Data & What to Do with It

You have a lot of data sources, but piecing them together to get the insights you need to inform your strategy is a complicated, laborious, and convoluted task.

We were thrilled to host Hetal Patel, Vice President of Consumer and Corporate Insights at iHeartMedia, to discuss data sources and learnings at this year’s Customer Love Summit. In her talk, Hetal shares how she makes sense of complex data streams and how to use your findings to have a positive impact on the business.

Specifically, Hetal’s talk covers:

Five buckets of data organization most companies use

The “Three P’s” of approaching problems through leveraging data

How to use storytelling to help data support your big picture

And so much more!

youtube

If you prefer to read rather than watch, we’ve included the transcription below the video.

Transcription

Good evening, everybody. I’m very well aware of the fact that I’m the last thing standing between you and the happy hour, so I’m gonna try and keep this as short, fun, and interesting as much as I can. I’ll take a minute to introduce myself and my role just to kinda put in context what I’m gonna be talking to you guys about today. So I’m Hetal, and I lead the consumer and corporate insights practice at iHeartMedia.

For those of you who are not familiar with iHeartMedia, we essentially are…our assets set within four big buckets. We own about 850 radio stations across the U.S. We have our iHeartRadio app, which has about 100 million registered users. We do about 20,000 events locally and nationally, some big tentpole events that you see on TV, like iHeartRadio Music Awards, iHeartRadio Music Festival, or some smaller local events as well.

And last but not least, we also own Clear Channel Outdoor, which is a lot of billboards that you see around, right? So we basically play in buckets like broadcast radio, digital radio, events, you know, sponsorship, and last but not least, location data from outdoor and billboard. So as you can imagine, the problem I deal with is slightly different. I have way too much data on my hands, and that’s a good problem to have, nevertheless challenging.

It’s challenging from the standpoint of, how do you, A, connect the dots across all different buckets? And when I say different the standpoint of…traditional radio is 100-year-old medium. So imagine the measurement that came with something that was invented before internet existed. And that to be coupled with a digital medium like radio, which…with digital radio, where everything is available based on data. So you have a client and you’re trying to sell this thing which was 100 years old, where I can say, “I can only deliver X and Y. And there’s this new shiny tool that can give you 100 million things, but it’s the target is this small.”

So constantly what I’m faced with, and going back to my role is my alternate title is a chief storyteller. What I have to do is come up with, in a big picture and a big scale from the corporate standpoint, a story of who we are and how do we sit in the marketplace currently versus our competitors in the radio space? Are we a radio company? Are we an audio company, and how do I use and fuel data to tell my story?

And so what you’re gonna notice in terms of the stories that I’m about to share with you today, they might be a little bit too…I’ve tried to make them as specific as possible so you guys understand how data is fueling those decisions or those stories. But sometimes it might be too big picture. So with further ado, I’m gonna start with this.

So, you know, there is a lot of data, like I mentioned. And everyone, you know, because of the fact that data is everywhere; everything has to be data focused. Everything has to be data driven, data first. And so it’s a good place to be in because I think we have the seat at the table. But at the same time, as people in the organization understand the importance of data and want to rely more and more on data, they don’t necessarily know what to do with that data. They want data. They’ll say, “I need data,” but that’s about the question, that is, I need a story. But what kind of data? Who are you talking to? Why do you need this data?

So I know every organization kinda, you know, organizes your hierarchy slightly differently. In terms of data in our organization sits in these five big buckets. So the way we organize this is we have consumer insights, second is analytics, first party as well as third party, third is social data, fourth is bunch of syndicated data, all the way from Scarborough, MRI, comScore, you know, all the tools out there. And last but not least, big data.

So these are the five buckets or key functions in which the current research structures it. And given that there is all this intelligence around our broadcast users, app users, you know, people who come to our events, how do you navigate all this data has been a challenge. I’ve been at iHeart for about five years and I’m still continuing to, you know, figure this out. And as they introduced me saying I’m gonna help you make sense of data, I can’t make any promises. I’m still…it’s a work in progress.

So this has been my mantra in terms of approaching this problem, and I call it the three Ps of data. The first one is product. The first year, year and a half that I spent here was starting to get together, what are all the pieces of data I have? Where does it all sit? How can it all come together? So one is getting all your data in one place.

The second was process, and this took a little bit of self-teaching because this came at the knowledge, or, like, epiphany that made me realize that I have to not let perfect get in the way of good. There is so much changing in the data world right now that if you sit and wait for the perfect solution we’re never gonna make it. We’re just gonna sit in that one spot. So it was extremely crucial for me to realize that I may not have the solution, the perfect solution that I’m looking for, but I have to embrace what I’ve got, and move along, and chug along.

And thirdly, people. I’ve had to hire people for jobs who nobody went to school for, you know? Two years ago, or three years ago when they started to launch the first music awards my CEO said, “We’re gonna do social awarding.” And I had no idea about, except for having a Facebook account for myself and a Twitter account for myself, I had no idea how to measure social. I didn’t study that, I didn’t have an education in that. I had to go figure out how to do that.

But what I realized was that you can’t really hire for skills. You have to hire for passion. You have to hire for attitude. And I’ve had people who’ve gone and figured stuff out. Because what I knew three years ago is something that I’m not using today. And so these are the three fundamental units which kinda have helped me get to the point of making sense of this data.

So having set the context with that I’m gonna take a few specific examples and case studies to talk to you guys about how I’ve taken few data pieces across the different five functions that I spoke to you about and actually made a business decision or impacted a business decision. So one of the ways…so still continuing in the social media space, right? We have a very interesting relationship, being a radio company, with the artists.

So, you know, the artists that…think about the first time…before the Spotify world. Think about the first time you heard about an artist, or you got to know about Taylor Swift, or you got to know about a new artist. You hear a song over and over for a few number of times on the radio and then you go, “Yeah, that sounds familiar.” So that’s how artists kinda get popular. The less known artists slowly, slowly start to…the promotional power of radio gets them to known and being familiar. And so we have this really interesting relationship with artists, and so we’ve started to leverage that relationship and take it from the traditional radio world onto the social media and digital world. And I’ll explain that in a little bit.

The second engagement that I’m gonna touch upon was actually a very, very interesting activation that we’ve done in the social media space. This is to do with the iHeartRadio Music Awards where we were the first awards to say, “Let’s have people vote on the different nominees and decide the winners, instead of people sitting in a room and casting a vote on who should be the best pop song of the year, who should be the best collaboration of the year.” And so we took voting on different categories and nominees onto the social media space.

And thirdly, tailor strategies to different mediums. There are so many newer mediums, like five years ago, I’m not on Snapchat, right? So there are newer, newer social media. It’s not enough to know Facebook, not enough to know Twitter. While there are the bigger ones you’ll start to see there are younger, and smaller, and newer platforms. So it’s constantly you have to evolve yourself to be there where your audiences are. So I’m gonna quickly skip a few.

Okay, so with respect to the first one, so what we came up with was we took a bunch of social listening data from syndicated tools to understand that our engagement on Tuesdays was the lowest of all weekdays. And so we were trying to increase our engagement on Tuesdays on certain networks. In this particular case it was Twitter.

So what we came up with was…so this was based on a data point that was noticed when we were doing some kind of analytics to understand, you know, patterns across different social networks. And we came up with what was called, and I don’t know if you guys have ever seen this on Twitter, but it’s the iHeartRadioTwitterTuesday. What we do is different artists, on Tuesday for 30 minutes, will take over our Twitter, iHeartRadio’s official account, and you’re able to Tweet your questions to that particular artist, and then that artist writes back to you. So that’s a two-way communication between a fan and an artist.

So you remember back in the days you could call into the radio and talk to the person. So we took that traditional radio interaction, two-way communication and put it on the social media space. What was fantastic about this was there the fan would call the radio station, talk to the artist, and back. It was a two-way communication. We took that two-way communication, put it on the social media space, and so now what happened is if a Ryan Seacrest is writing back to a fan all the other followers of a fan and Ryan Seacrest’s fan are able to write back on that chain. So from a two-way dialogue we went onto what’s called the omnilogue.

We created these conversations between different people that were not even a part of the original conversation. And so that’s a much deeper level of engagement that the social media was able to bring to the table, versus what we were doing earlier. So that’s just an example of that.

Similar to that, we are, again, in the vein of, you know, redefining our relationship with artists, we are coming up with creative and different ways of how we can help artists launch their new albums, singles. And with Shawn Mendes we did exclusive release of his single. And this example was a full-day takeover for Snapchat because he resonates better with younger audiences. Data shows us that 80% of our Snapchat audience, so iHeartRadio is on Snapchat Discover, that’s the place for brands on Snapchat. And 80% of our audience in the Snapchat discover is between the ages of 12 and 17.

And so based on that data point and what Shawn Mendes’ manager wanted to resonate with in terms of a target audience, we recommended that partnership for him to take over our Snapchat channel for the day and do an exclusive release of his new single. So that’s where you’ll see that. And Elvis Duran improved that.

And so now moving onto the second piece of actually fueling social voting for an awards show. We came up with the strategy to say, you know, everybody was talking about influencer marketing in the social media space. And we say, you know, people hire influencers to talk about your brand to, you know, further evangelize your brand. We said, “Why don’t we start…” There were five fan voted armies that were created looking at different cohorts within the social media space, looking at the number of engagements, how people, you know, what artist are they related with, or are they actually fans of? And we created ambassadors who then acted as further fueling.

So to give you an example, I’m gonna do a better job at this, one second. So Arianators, right? So that’s Ariana Grande’s fanbase on Twitter. The name that we came up with was Arianators. What that does was is there was a group of 8 to 10 girls and boys that were fans of Ariana Grande, and they Tweeted and re-Tweeted and created this engagement of voting, ramping up things like, “Oh, this is the last day to vote. Let’s get her on there. I want her to win.” And so we created a fan ambassador for each of the five artists that were nominated, and they were almost pitting against each other to create that level of voting and engagement for their own artists.

And all those five brand ambassadors were then invited to the award show, and then we were measuring the voting at the backend. So through a social media listening tool we were able to count the number of votes based on the dedicated hashtag that they use to vote, and then they were given an award for the most amount of votes that were created for that artist during that show by the artist. So this was an example of actually taking your influencers from your own fanbase, from your own fans and followers on the iHeartRadio page, versus finding a new paid influencer to do this kind of push for you in the social media space.

And then to go back, this actually happened because this was rooted in the idea of a piece of work that I had done earlier in the year, which was a primary research study, a consumer insight study where we did some generational word for Gen Zs, millennials, so on and so forth. And one striking thing that I’ve actually heard in a couple of talks this morning, too, in Mike’s keynote this morning saying, you know, “Not only build for your consumer but build with your consumer.”

And so what you see about Gen Zs and millennials is that they love to co-create. They don’t wanna be recipients of culture, they wanna be culture creators. They want a voice at the table. They wanna be part of the strategy that you’re crafting for them. And so you’ll see that for Gen Z and millennials, they wanted to be a part of the process. And in taking this insight we actually came up with the idea of doing the fan ambassador for awards. That’s just talking about the best fan army and that’s how it was created. So it was Beliebers, Directioners, and Harmonizers, those were the three that were created. And you’ll see those were the ambassadors that were selected. So they would go on Twitter, they would ask their fans and followers to go and ramp up their voting.

And last but not least, you’ll see, like I was mentioning, there are new and emerging platforms. So in your social strategy be mindful of including the new and emerging platforms and don’t focus all your energies on Twitter and Facebook. And the reason these three strategies worked is because there was a core defining consumer insights that defined each of those. And in the first one there’s a core need of connection between fans and an artist, and we took that and we created a dialogue to an omnilogue.

The second one around fan ambassadors were the younger generations, like Gen Zs and millennials. They like to be influenced but they also wanna be influencers themselves. And in terms of the more emergent platforms, they have an expectation to be live and relevant. If you continue to keep pushing your content out on just Facebook, very quickly you’re gonna start losing younger audiences because they’re starting to associate that with older audiences. And so that was one example of how consumer insights focused few initiatives within the business, especially in the social space.

The second one that I’m gonna quickly talk through is how we are starting to take our digital and broadcast data and starting to merge the two. So like I was saying, radio is a 100-year-old medium, and digital radio has enough data. However, their targeting, or the size, is much smaller compared to radio. Radio reaches 93% of America in a given week, right? So it has huge scale.

And so what we started to do…but it has its restrictions given it’s an old medium, so you have to still rely on Nielsen, and the meters to give you any sort of measurement. What we were able to do is a form of lookalike modeling. We took a bunch of people from our digital 100-million users. We mapped their listening habits onto the broadcast radio listening habits, and created these cohorts. Because digital has changed the way…I’ll jump one more to talk about this.

Because digital has changed the way people are buying media now. Even for traditional mediums now, buying is based on cohorts and kinds of audiences, different types of audiences. So for those of you who are familiar with media, usually radio or television gets bought on, “I want 18 to 34, prime time, a.m. drive and p.m. drive.” But those days are gone. Now you want someone who is an auto intender who’s planning to buy a car in the next six months.

So to be able to give that level of granularity of data to radio or broadcast radio, how do you go about that? So we came up with a lookalike modeling based on our digital data because we are able to look at our 100-million users and map them back to our on-air listeners based on demographics and certain other criterias, we were able to create cohorts which can then be served up from a programmatic standpoint. And then they can also be optimized in real time. We are doing this for the industry. iHeartMedia is doing that and other players are starting to embrace that as well.

So my last parting words for you guys are gonna be, and I’ll give the credit for this to Jonathan Mildenhall, who used to be the ex-CMO of Airbnb. He said, “Don’t let your strategy be data driven, because when you keep your strategy data driven you leave no room for surprises. What consumers want is delight. What consumers want is surprise, so let it be data inspired. Use your data. Use your data but leave a little room for surprise in there.”

So that’s all I’m gonna leave you guys at. Any questions? Thank you.

The post iHeartMedia: How to Make Sense of All Your Data & What to Do with It appeared first on Apptentive.

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xeezhiah · 7 years ago

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Travel and Work: My Bali Diaries

06 May 2018

It was my first time in Indonesia and it sure was a memorable one.

Bitin as it may seem because it was just a quick 2-day trip but I felt that I made the most out of it anyway.

It was an early flight to Bali, I had to be in the airport at around 0100H for the 0355H flight. Arriving at the airport, just because I did not sleep, I initially lined up at the regular check in counter instead of the online check in counter. I kind of wasted like 10 minutes of my time by doing so. Then when I finally realised that I was at the wrong counter, I immediately transferred and went to the right counter assigned for online check in. However, the check in staff refused to give me my boarding pass after seeing that the name on my ticket is different from the name on my passport. I explained to her that at the Cebu Pacific mobile app, there was this option to log in using Facebook - of course I opted to use that option to avoid the hassle. It so happens that I only using “Xy-Zha” on my Facebook account instead of “Irene Marie Xy-Zha” which is my full given name. I told the staff that I don’t know how to edit my profile using the app, since it also is slow so I did not bother taking time to do so, I made sure that I also told her that I was able to fly to Singapore just last October using the same name and I did not have to go through the hassle. But she refused to heed on my explanation and asked me to go to the ticketing office, situated at the other end of the airport and ask/confirm what is the best thing to do then go back on queue once it is settled. It was already 0140H that time and I was hopeful that I could do this quickly so that I won’t have to hurry for my flight.

Arriving at the ticketing office, even if I told the guard that I was told not to fall in line anymore, he insisted that I should get a queuing number, so okay, I got it. Had I not approached a counter staff who was not attending to a client, I might have missed the flight because my number is 718 and the board was showing that they are serving 709. Well, at first, I really was patiently waiting but then when I saw one lady who just walked in there, approached a staff even if her number is behind mine, I knew I had to stand up and do the same. Besides, her concern is not of anything urgent compared to mine, I meant that because I overheard her flight is at 0600H, it’s just around 0200H so she has plenty of time to do her thing, whereas mine, time is of the essence or else, I will miss a flight.

Fortunately for me, I still have my boarding pass from the previous flight with Cebu Pacific, bearing only the third given name - which I showed as evidence to the staff at the ticketing counter to prove that they allowed me to fly to Singapore bearing the same name on the ticket as that on my Bali flight. She said that they can’t also edit it on their end but noted that I should be allowed to fly. She said also that she noted that my full name is the one written on my passport and that there is nothing doubtful on that.

Sigh of relief.

I went back to the check in counter and was reminded the next time I book my flight via the Cebu Pacific app, I should edit my name to avoid the hassle. My boarding pass was finally given to me and made it past the check in counter. Upon lining up at the Immigration counters, I was a little nervous because I might go through the same hassle as that of what I have experienced at the check in counter, or maybe the same thing when I did my solo flight to Malaysia where I have been asked questions why I was flying alone. Expectations were wrong because reality gave me a smooth sail past the immigration counters and at the final bag screening.

At 0230H, I was at the boarding gate, waiting for the flight. Glad that even after going through all of those hassle, I made it even before the boarding time. Props also to my friend, John, who kept me company through the phone - he was laughing at me when I told him what I have gone through prior to making it to the gates. I sat at the area where there is a good view of the NAIA Terminal 2 - because I always love seeing airplanes from the flag carrier. As an aspiring flight attendant, it is the flag carrier that I always dream of flying with. Most of my international flights were with them, except my Singapore trip last October and this one in Bali although I am flying with PR on my way home because their outbound flight from Bali is the most considerable flight to take which favours work a lot. I was laughing with John on the phone, talking about what I see in the airport, sharing to him how much I miss my person and how sablay I am for wearing shorts in an early morning flight where the cabin is expected to be cold.

“Ay gaga ka nga. Pero may blanket naman so bumili ka na lang pag gininaw ka.” He says.

I apparently don’t need to buy one on board because I have my shawl which can double as a blanket should I feel cold.

0330H, time for boarding. I opted to be one of the last few to board because it is surprisingly a full flight. I was even given the option to check my baggage in by the ground staff the moment I gave my boarding pass but I said no. Of course, I wanted to experience (again) stowing my luggage at the overhead bin of the A320 because the Cabin Crew will not do that for me. I wanted to set as an example to other pax who expects the crew would do that for them - I think I did that very well. However, being one of the few pax to board has its own downside - and on my part, it is not getting the seat which I paid for, in spite the effort of the cabin crew to help me get it. So I paid an extra P250 for a window seat so that I can VLOG my flight from Manila to Bali via 5J was enjoyed by someone else who was even unapologetic for snatching my seat. Even during the meal service, he did not even offer to give the seat up to me to which I ended up settling for the aisle seat.

Being at the aisle may have made me observe cabin crew duties all the more but again, it also has its own downside especially if you are in a row where a family is sitting. I was sandwiched, they would talk to each other without uttering the word “excuse me” the same way they would pass stuff in and out. My back up plan to sleep through the entire flight didn’t happen either because my seatmates were too noisy and inconsiderate of other passengers - perhaps they should consider buying their own aircraft because they are too much of a hassle to other passengers. I would have opted to use my mobile phone to stream spotify but my earphones got busted in time for the flight that also prevented me from having a peaceful shut eye. So yeah, safe to say that I had to keep up with these inconsiderate, seat stealing family for the rest of the flight.

Then there goes that moment that broke my heart so much - that moment when I happen to see a beautiful daybreak from 32,000 feet but couldn’t take at least a shot of it because I was in the aisle seat. It would have made a beautiful instagram foto and a good VLOG feature but then, I can only look and appreciate the view from the aisle.

Ironically, the head of the family I was sitting with finally had the guts to talk to me during our final approach to land - asked me if I was Indonesian when I was certain that he saw me holding a Philippine passport. He was really insisting I was Indonesian because he says I look like one so with conviction and sarcasm, I told him:

“I AM BORN, RAISED AND PROUD FILIPINO.”

Oh Manong, ano ka ngayon, keri mo yun?

As the plane went to a complete stop, I opted to transfer to the seat in front of me as soon as they stood up so that I won’t be as inconsiderate as my seatmates were to me. At least I wanted to be true to my plan on being the last person to deplane - because of course, I also have a purpose of doing so - foto op with the cabin crew at least. I don’t think I can achieve the flight deck this time and it is fine.

Ngurah Rai International Airport looked more like a smaller version of my favourite Singapore Changi Airport - that’s my two cents of course. I have mentioned it on my first of the three part VLOG as well. I was able to finally shoot my VLOG as soon as went out of the plane, while walking at the tunnel connecting the plane to the airport. There is no time difference between Manila and Bali, but it is not so hot in Bali compared to Manila. Perhaps it is the presence of the trees around that made it a little cooler than home.

I had to walk to the parking lot of the airport to change my Philippine Peso to Indonesia Rupiah - which made me an instant millionaire! From there, I got a taxi since I could not book a grab ride to the hotel. Not lining up at the right taxi lane and just settled for a friendly driver that approached me after I changed my money to rupiah is the first wrong decision I have made after arriving in Bali. I have not realised that until I made it to the hotel, and the front desk staff asked me how was my trip.

Turns out, I paid so much for a short trip from the airport to the hotel, I paid 200,000 rupiah when if I got a metered taxi, the most that I can pay, as per the hotel front desk staff is just around 50,000 to 100,000 rupiahs. Instantly, it reminded me of abusive taxi drivers at the Manila airports - so it happens as well somewhere else in the world. I arrived way too early at the hotel for check in as their standard check in time is at 1500H. It was only around 0830H, so as soon as I was done with the registration, I left my bags at the bag deposit counter, roamed around the hotel property, took fotos and shoot for my VLOG. Looking around, Bali reminded me of the equally beautiful Boracay, only that our currently closed paradise has clearer waters and white sands compared to the not so white and also bordering to black sands of Bali.

I was thinking of surfing but the moment I saw the rates, I told myself that it is not practical at all. So while there is plenty of time to roam around, I thought about walking, attempting to discover what Bali has to offer while on foot. I wanted to look for a McDonald’s or a Starbucks outlet because I have yet to eat breakfast even if while I was walking, I can see a lot of establishments that offers food. Sure I wanted to try local dishes, but at that moment, my tummy was looking for something that I am used to.

Then I was able to find a Starbucks branch, I was already keen on walking my way there until I saw a catholic church the moment I turned to my right side. It was a Sunday, sure there is a mass so I told myself, breakfast can wait a little bit more - it is a must for me that on a solo trip, I make time for faith. So I crossed the street, entered the church to pray. The mass just finished and the next one is in the afternoon already, I happen to saw their parish priest so I approached him, asked for blessings. It enlightened me because Fr. Vincent, the parish priest has been to the Philippines. We did have a good chat prior to him blessing me for this short trip, even told me that I should enjoy and make lots of memories out of my first trip to Indonesia. After the blessing and taking fotos, I crossed the street back again and headed to Starbucks to eat breakfast - I have had two slices of their two red velvet offerings - just because it is red velvet! It still is something that I cannot refuse to eat and it was superb! I loved it so much that I took a foto of the cakes, posted it on instagram and mentioned Starbucks Philippines, in the hope that they can bring these red velvet cakes to Manila anytime soon. Of course I did not leave Starbucks without getting a tumbler for myself - it was tough to choose because their tumbler designs are so pretty (and expensive) - I ended up getting the cheapest one out of the many choices.

Next order of the day is to go to Hard Rock Cafe to get my mum, sisters and myself some Hard Rock Cafe shirts as part of our collection. Prior to flying in, Mum was telling me that she has realised that after all these time, she has no Hard Rock Cafe shirt so I promised her that I will get her one - and so I did the moment I set foot in there. Going to Hard Rock Cafe, I decided to try riding a metered taxi to find out if it is indeed cheaper compared to what I have experienced in the airport. From Starbucks to Kuta Beach where Hard Rock is, I only paid 40,000 rupiah which is what the meter had asked me to pay. Not to mention that the taxi driver was so nice enough to me. He even left me with his business card and told me to call or text me the next time I come to Bali for a holiday because he also do tour tourist around. From Hard Rock Cafe, I opted to walk around again and see what I can find next. I saw another Hard Rock Cafe shop, this time by the hotel entrance and it was even located beside a Jamie Oliver restaurant - now I wanna rant in seeing that because I just ate at Starbucks, I am full and seeing a Jamie Oliver restaurant is such a heartbreak because I can’t eat in there- because it is damn expensive! Then I remember that there is a Miniso outlet which I passed by on the way to Hard Rock Cafe, I opted to walk there and get myself some earphones so that I can use my spotify when I decide to go for a run. From Miniso, I walked all the more and try to find what I can bring home to my staff in the office. I saw this souvenir shop where I bought their surf board keychains. I bought water and biscuits for myself next at the nearby Alfamart because I wanted to just stay at the hotel for dinner. I thought about ordering from either A&W or McDonald’s at the mall where I passed by next but I was feeling the exhaustion already from all the walking that I did around Kuta.

I felt cheated again the moment I rode a taxi from the mall to the hotel because it was another short drive again and I was charged 150,000 rupiah - apparently, the driver did not use the meter - another abusive to tourist moment which I have to charge to experience again. At least, I learned that not all friendly taxi drivers in Bali are really friendly, some uses that to overcharge especially if you are a tourist and it is your first time there. Lucky enough for me that at around 1300H, my room is ready and I can rest.

Seeing the room is something that made me say that I am in paradise - it was too big for me, but with a justifiable good view of the garden. A little walk will give me a good view of the beach and the pool. What more can I ask for? I had a quick nap and then decided to experience the Bali sun by dipping into the pool. Good thing that the water is not so cold that I was able to enjoy swimming then sunbathing right after. Yes, I did sunbathe even in the absence of sunblock, silly as it seems but I don’t mind. I went back to my room to take a shower and prepared myself to run. The moment I have read in the hotel amenitites that they do have a paved run path, I knew I would have to try that one out - I did and it proved to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. Just like in Manila, I ran chasing the sunset, seeing guys play football by the beach enticed me all the more. I have realised that I was in a fooball loving country, no one was playing basketball on the beach, there were about 6 groups playing football in the beach, one of which nearly hit me with the ball. I would have loved to join them in playing but I don’t really play the sport, I was just happy enough to see people playing the sport I love, the sport that I cover for Fox Sports when I am in the Philippines.

Another surprise for me is seeing the runway of the Ngurah Rai International Airport, it amazed me that it was that close to the hotel. No wonder I can hear airplanes flying in and out since the runway is just that close. It sure was an awesome sight for the airplane lover me.

I was only able to run for about 1.26 miles but the sight on my run path were enough to fill my heart with glee. After running, I headed back to the hotel to rest, and edit my first VLOG and share it online. I was sleepless the night before flying in Bali and even on flight and my nap was not enough to give me energy. So after all the social media flooding that I did, I decided to call it a night since my second day would be more busier than the first one.

At around 2200H though, I got awaken by a call from the hotel customer service - I initially thought that I must have left something but to my surprise, the customer service representative just asked about how was my stay so far and if there is anything that I need. That people, is customer service indeed! That sure is going beyond the customer’s expectation and I applaud Holiday Inn Baruna Bali Resort for that. I have not experienced that kind of call from the hotel from any of the places I have visited so far, be it anywhere in the Philippines or in any of the countries in Asia (because I have not visited any country outside the continent yet.) That sure is a plus for the hotel, which yeah, gave me one more reason to come back.

Before I could further go on to my stories about Bali, here is the link of my first VLOG which is uploaded on my youtube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Y17A4yaHE

07 May 2018

Second day in Bali started early as I need to eat breakfast before going to the ICCBA conference - the main reason why I flew in there. The hotel’s buffet breakfast was awesome - I was able to grab an Indonesian dessert which ticked off an item on my Bali bucket list - so I was able to try a local dish even if I am not leaving the hotel. Sure it is special if it is homemade but i will settle for what the hotel has to offer in the meantime.

After taking breakfast, I made sure that I settled to the conference hall right on so that I am not late - doing so made me see that I am the only Filipino fumigator in attendance - perhaps my colleagues in the industry opted to go to Iloilo instead for the PMCP convention instead of going here. Well, their loss is my gain as I am the only one from the industry to know what are the pending updates in terms of doing the AFAS fumigation. Not to mention that I have also met some new friends - also happen to mistake me for an Indonesian. They even tried to approach me, speaking in Bahasa. Shinta and Dina, my new Indonesian friends are very patient with me, especially when we had lunch. I was VLOGging while eating lunch and I would ask them in between takes, how to pronounce the name of the food in the menu card at the buffet table. Also, I have had a little crash course on how to speak Bahasa while waiting for the conference to start at which I was able to use also on my VLOG. The conference ended just before 1600H which gave me the chace to dip back at the pool and then took advantage of waiting for the Bali sunset which can give the famous Manila sunset a run for its money.

I made sure that I was at the perfect spot at the seashore to capture the time lapse of the Bali sunset which was included on the second VLOG that I was able to upload right on time before leaving the hotel. I initially planned of going out for dinner but that VLOG hindered me to go out and explore as well as packing for the flight. I was not able to snatch in a good nap as well so I really planned to sleep through the flight since it was a red eye one. Staying in the hotel is a good decision as yes, I was able to at least lay down for a few more hours even if I could not get some sleep.I really opted not to sleep because I may not be able to wake up at 2200H - the time which I plan to leave the hotel for the airport.

Having new Indonesian friends meant getting tips from the locals in terms of the transportation siince I told them about the taxi nightmares I have encountered. Dina then suggested I should download this Indonesia app - Go Jek if I need to have some food delivered at the hotel or if I need transportation. It’s like Uber or Grab, only that it has a lot more to offer. Upon check out, which the front desk staff was surprised that I was doing at 2200H since my booking is up until the 8th of May, he also asked me of my stay in their hotel - I told right on that I was so satisfied that with the service and everything else that I will mention that on my VLOG and here on my blog. I reiterated again that I have nothing but good words to say about my short stay in Bali and that staying at the Holiday Inn Baruna Bali Resort makes me feel that I am not far away from home. Staying there sure has given me a few more reasons to go back to Bali soon as it helped me gain good memories out of the 2-day trip. I booked a ride using Go Jek to the airport which saved me a lot of rupiahs. From the hotel to the airport, I only paid 50,000 rupiah compared to the luxury ride I experienced upon arrival. The driver also was nice that I gave him a 4-star rating after the ride.

In about 15 minutes, I was already at the airport, a few hours away from the scheduled 0130H flight back to Manila. I had to wait a few more minutes before really entering the airport since the schedule board does not show details of my flight just yet.I went inside the airport at around 2300H when they schedule board finally revealed flight details of PR 538 - my flight back home.

Unlike the one that I have experienced in Manila coming to Bali, the check in and the immigration check is a smooth sail, no hassle this time and that gave me the excuse to roam around the airport since I have a lot time to spare. I have also realised that I have yet to buy something for my favourite person, so walking along the duty free area made real sense. However, at the main duty free area, there are a lot of people lining up at the cashier so I opted to just walk at the pop out duty free shop near the boarding gate where I am supposed to wait for my flight. It sure is difficult to find something to take home for that someone who already has everything but is so special to you - that also was my problem why it took me a while to get my person a good gift from Bali. I wanted it to be something he can keep but I ended up buying something that he cannot keep but can be consumed instead. At least, it is a mission accomplished for me that I was able to buy him something just before I could leave Bali.

08 May 2018

On my boarding pass, we are supposed to board the aircraft at 0045H but the aircraft arrived in Bali at that exact time, making the boarding to actually happen at around 0115H. I used up the time to take fotos of the Airbus A320 of Philippine Airlines that is parked at the boarding gate while the airport ground staff do their duties like refuel the aircraft, replenish the catering, unload and load baggages. From where I was seated, I can see the flight deck crew endorse the aircraft to the next crew who would use it. I also saw the pilots of the previous flight went out of the aircraft and walk through the tunnel. Then the call for boarding was announced, I was able to sneak in a few moments to shoot a VLOG before I could board the plane.

I was a happy kid because I finally got the window seat I was hoping for the moment I booked a flight. I thought I would have the whole row for myself but I have to share it with a foreign female passenger. I don’t mind sharing the row with her anyway, she was a good seatmate, too. Before take off, I was approached by one of the cabin crew, reminded me that I chose a low calorie meal for the flight. He then asked what drink would I want to go along with my meal, would it be orange or apple juice. And since I always have been a fan of PR’s apple juice so it is a no-brainer that I will go for the apple juice. Happy that I was able to capture the pre-flight shenanigans on video, which includes the pushback, taxi and take off as well as the public address of the pilots straight from the flight deck.

Okay, okay, I would admit that I was a little hoping that it was someone who used to be special to me who is behind the first officer seat on that flight. Pero buti na lang din na hindi sya kasi hindi ko rin naman alam gagawin ko if nakita kong siya nga yun. I guess it really stayed on me that I wanted to see him wear his pilot uniform in person and not just in fotos, because at the time where I was so into him, I wanted to see that for myselt. But then again, panahon at pagkakataon na din ang nagsabi na it is not meant to be hence it wasn’t him on the flight. Thank God it really wasn’t him.

It wasn’t a smooth flight.

Perhaps I have experienced the most turbulent flight I have ever took in my entire existence. But in spite that, I applaud the cabin crew who served that flight, headed by the purser as they all ensured that the passengers are safe and comfortable - something that really deserves the four star rating that they have now. Prior to take off, when the Captain had his public address, I remember him saying that we should expect cloudy skies when we take off, he sure wasn’t kidding. Turbulence was real AF, that the cabin crew had to stop the meal service for about 20 minutes because the captain switched the fasten seatbelt sign. When they had the clearance to resume service, the purser and the rest of the crew worked double time to serve meals and offer drinks, that’s tough but they did it flawlessly and with a smile. They worked with grace under pressure and did their job beautifully, without compensating the quality of the airline’s promise to their passenger that goes along with the saying:

“Buong pusong alaga”

Iba talaga PR ee!

Sorry, that’s biased included kasi nga dream airlines ko yan as a cabin crew aspirant.

I was able to snatch in a shut eye a few minutes after the meal service. Ah, finally I can rest - I did not need my spotify playlist at all just to get a peaceful rest, I only needed my forever travel companion, Tigger, and PR’s comfy pillow to get a good sleep. I woke up at around 0400H just to use the lavatory and while inside, damn there goes the turbulence again. It’s like riding a roller coaster that made me sit there still before I could even settle back to my seat. It was the first time I walked in an airplane aisle with the lights turned off - of course because everyone are sleeping. The cabin aisles helped me find my way back to my seat as it is the only one that is illuminating. As I find my seat back again, I continued sleeping only to wake up to a beautiful daybreak from 32,000 feet. I was in awe on what I saw.

I just have to stay awake at that time because the view from up there is truly breathtaking. Also, we are about to descend, and I also want to capture that on video. Succeeded in a time lapse capture of the final approach and the video of the exact touch down and taxi on to NAIA Terminal 2.

Now this is the part where i conquered my being shy in approaching a PR cabin crew - for the longest time that I have been flying with PR, I have not had a foto taken with any of their cabin crew. I have had a foto with one of their flight deck crew, but it was off duty and he wasn’t even in uniform. (But I saw and held his PAL ID for like 10 minutes or so) I opted to be the last one to deplane just to achieve my first foto with the PR cabin crew - I am just so glad that they agreed and that I was able to share the foto on my twitter account and tag the PAL account as well as in Flyhigh Manila which they featured on their page. What’s more is that I was able to exchange messages with one of the crew that I was with in the foto and she was the nicest, ever!

Hi, Ms. Nikki! I hope you get to read this blog, too! :)

Oh yes, I meant wearing that Ceres-Negros FC shirt on my flight back home because that is the only time where I can wear that one, not of course in a football game where I am supposed to be neutral. For real though, it would have been nicer if we were wearing the same uniform, noh? I actually wanted to edit this foto and insert the foto that my friend edited wherein it appeared as if I was in PR uniform. But who knows, maybe someday, right? At least for a minute or two, standing beside them makes me feel I was cabin crew, too. :)

As I have mentioned, I was the last to deplane, I am lucky enough that the passengers in the bus that is waiting for me did not complain at all. We boarded the PAL bus because we got off at that part of the international terminal that has no tube connecting the plane to the terminal. It was a quick ride from the tarmac to the terminal which leads straight to the immigration counter. Smooth sail at that part but now when getting the baggage. Terminal 2 is being upgraded and only one baggage carousel was working, so the flight coming from YVR and the one that came from DPS (that’s my flight) had to share in the baggage carousel. It sure was that crowded hence I was able to shoot the last part of the VLOG there.

Speaking of VLOG, sharing the link of part 2 of my VLOG down here, the last part, I may have to share separately as it is yet to be uploaded in youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mRr41PurLg

I came to Bali for a certain reason - attend a conference but left the place with a thousand reasons more to come back. So yeah, sampai bertemu lagi, Indonesia!

❤️

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