#yeah it's another french pun that's not even that good

[lovesickgoose]

Angel of Small Death

[Click for marginally better quality]

Returning the gesture

[jomiddlemarch]

Good French cooking cannot be produced by a zombie cook

“You’re gross,” Ellie said. She grimaced, but in less disgust than Grace would have anticipated. Yeah, because you’re such an expert on teenagers, dead-Lauren muttered, so Grace took another bite from the dish in front of her in defiance, which would require a trained analyst to unpack. Those were short of the ground these days. “Don’t be gross.”

Joel took an even larger bite than Grace had and chewed dramatically, in some show of adult solidarity that Grace appreciated, though she thought it was unlikely to be helpful.

“I didn’t mean manners, God,” Ellie said, slumping in her seat. “I don’t care how you eat, how loud you are—”

“Really?” Grace asked. She was supposed to be out last night, Ellie was, for at least a few hours, time they’d decided to make the most of, Grace laughing at Joel’s urgent intensity until he started muttering I wanna hear you come, Gracie, c’mon darlin’ in the most erotic mixture of coaxing and command she’d never heard before and she’d startled herself with the volume and pitch of her moaning while he did impossible things with his hands and his dick until they’d both frozen when Ellie called out “Hi, Joel, I forgot, oh crap—yeah, um, I’m sleeping over Araceli’s, bye!” They’d taken turns trying to convince each other that she hadn’t heard anything, not Grace calling out Joel’s name, not Joel cursing and grunting, not the totally clichéd headboard thumping against the bedroom wall. They’d ultimately each said they were sure she hadn’t heard anything without believing it and then had a quieter, lingering second round that ended with Joel licking away the tears on Grace’s temples after she’d reassured him he hadn’t hurt her.

“This isn’t about last night,” Ellie said. “That was my bad. I should have knocked louder. Not forgotten my fleece. Skipped the toothbrush. Gone deaf,” She was enjoying herself, Grace could tell, with each additional phrase, a notable increase in the impish gleam in her eyes.

“We didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Grace said.

“Look, I’m not going to say I’m not scarred for life,” Ellie began, pausing when Grace frowned and Joel shot Ellie a particularly fierce glare, “because I’m not. It’s okay, you two have a thing and that’s cool beans—”

“That’s cool beans?” Joel repeated. Somehow that was what made him incredulous.

“Ted says it all the time, sorry,” Ellie replied.

“You don’t call him Coach Lasso?” Grace asked.

“He told us not to. He said we could call Coach Beard Coach Beard, because it helped center him in the role and also that calling him Beard was weird and weird and Beard rhyme and that set him, I mean, Ted, off for a while. He was teaching us stinky pinkies, you know what those are?” Ellie said. When she talked about Ted, Ellie sounded like a kid, the way Grace remembered kids sounding, or even like a kid raised in Jackson, instead of the worldly, cynical woman Grace had first met.

“Yeah,” Grace said, before Joel could ask for clarification. It would be enough that Ellie added stinky pinkies and whatever Lasso iteration there might be thereof to her daily puns and riddles.

“Ted said he liked being called Ted. That he was happy to coach us, but being called Coach was hard for him and he didn’t have to explain, we got it. People have stuff like that. It’s not like he has some horrible name like Malvolio or Murgatroyd or something,” Ellie said.

“Miz Connie picked Twelfth Night, I see,” Joel commented. “Smart.”

“I don’t care that you guys were having loud sex yesterday when I wasn’t supposed to be home,” Ellie said. “Like, bully for you. That’s not what I meant about being gross.”

“No?” Joel said. Grace was happy to cede the floor to him, relieved he wasn’t going to deny anything or sit there like a statue and let her fumble around like the roommate’s new girlfriend. Watching him be Ellie’s dad, which he’d admitted he’d avoided for as much of their trip West as he could, had been the reason she’d fallen in love with him or at least, had fallen so quickly; it was possible the undeniable attraction between them would have eventually turned into affection, but it was the way he looked at Ellie, the curve of his lips when he scolded her, the sight of his hand on her shoulder that Grace couldn’t resist. He spoke of Tess infrequently, usually with regret, and she thought of how long it would have taken for him to trust her the way he’d trusted Tess if he hadn’t become Ellie’s father first.

“Lies, that’s what’s gross,” Ellie said. There was a flicker in Joel’s eyes, the briefest tightening of his lips that Grace filed away, because she sure as hell wasn’t going to bring it up in front of Ellie, just what it was that Joel thought of when Ellie said lies. Grace allowed herself a flexible relationship with the truth and it was what had kept her alive since Kian was murdered, but she couldn’t guess what lies troubled Joel. Or rather who he’d lied to, not what he’d lied about.

“You think so?” Joel said. Grace wondered what part of the question he wanted Ellie to answer. She remembered a nameless senior resident, one she’d liked enough to recall the emotion instead of his name, telling her not to order tests if she wasn’t prepared to deal with the outcome…

“You shouldn’t lie to me,” Ellie clarified.

“When did I lie to you?” Joel asked.

It was the most foolish thing Grace had ever heard Joel say, but at least they were in the realm of the foolish, not the dangerous. It was highly unlikely that Ellie’s response would get anyone killed. Grace knew enough not to go any further than highly unlikely in her estimate.

“When you said my applesauce pudding was good,” Ellie said. “Ted said it was never-fail, but it’s terrible and you and Grace just ate it up like it wasn’t disgusting and soupy and half-burned.”

“I thought you were going for a crème brulée thing,” Joel said.

“I didn’t think it was soupy,” Grace offered. Lumpy, oddly crunchy in places, and sometimes almost al dente, yes. Soupy was one adjective that wouldn’t have sprung to mind.

“It was supposed to taste good. It tasted like garbage and I wasted all that applesauce and rice,” Ellie said.

“There was rice in there?” Grace said.

“There was applesauce?” Joel said.

“You suck,” Ellie said, without any real vitriol. Was there vitriol in the pudding? dead-Lauren asked and Grace had to make an effort not to nod. “Joel, you suck worse than Grace, because she actually couldn’t tell there was rice in it.”

“Thank you, I think?” Grace said.

“You’re welcome,” Ellie said and then smirked in what Grace recognized as her default comfort mode, the one that meant she felt safe and that she might say or do something real and you better watch out for it.

“It’s the thought that counts,” Joel said and something about the way he said it, the softness in his dark eyes, the briefest pause before he said counts, the space for a memory (of Sarah? Tess? Grace couldn’t help wondering), made it more than a cliché. Or proved why clichés had survived when so much else hadn’t.

“Now you sound like Ted,” Ellie said. “Without being funny.”

“I never bought it when women said all they wanted was for their boyfriend to have a good sense of humor,” Grace said. No one said anything like that now. Maybe she had to give the mushrooms a little credit. They’d destroyed Cosmo and every reality TV show and Bridezillas.

“It’s okay,” Joel said.

“I like you how you are,” Ellie said. It was probably as close as she’d come to saying she loved Joel and Grace knew Joel understood that as she had. “You too, Grace. You’re like, so not the worst. Even if you are way too worried about concussions. Ted doesn’t let us head the ball. You can chill already.”

Joel gave her a look, the look the dad gave to the mom, and so Grace did her best at what was extremely difficult and chilled.

Already.

She did not, however, help with the dishes.

[enpr-ss]

JOEL DIDNT LOOT THE DIAMOND BLOCK IN THE MANSION??? LOL classic Grian joining into the bit. “YOU MUPPET?!” They know about the diamond block but not about how to raid a woodland mansion in the arson way? Bro. The bad boy puns lol. Honestly this series popped off with the skins. Best fashion out of all the others. Bad Bois winning only in attire just like the French. Mean Gills then Clockers. No budget left for nice builds. Ah yes the completely safe way of looting the woodland mansion. Bad boys with the bad omen lol. And of course all 3 of them get insta-killed by the vexes. Joel’s so happy to have an excuse to go feral. I cannot believe that BBBB boogey worked. All the bread bridge jokes are so good “You guys are toast” - BigB

Even AFK Grian still inspires chaos while the other BB get incredibly worried like a new parent. The confession booth LOL.

The way Grian instantly turns on Joel for the green LOL. And he’s fishing everyone. Truly the chaos man. HE WAA SURROUNDED BY WATER AND DIED ON THE ONE DIRT BLOCK RING. HE HAD A WATERFALL NEXT TO HIM. ALSO YEAH HIS TOTEM???? What a beautiful triple kill from Skynet. Marco Polo with Tango was HILARIOUS. The pity totem, Grian just trying to get out of the Bad Boys branding. Joel still not over the Relation-ship and now he’s obsessed with water-themed vehicles. AND THEN HE DID THE SAME THING AS JOEL IN THE SAME SPOT. 0 BRAIN CELLS

Bad boys breaking through the border. And of course it was Grian’s idea to light up the mob farm. His editing is kinda better ngl. How fast did Joel make those skins. Omg. WEARING SUNGLASSES TO A FUNERAL TO HIDE THE TEARS HAHAAH. They’re like little kids giggling and sneaking around; doing petty revenge like ruining TIES farms. Looks like Grian’s the only one with the braincell again.

What on earth did they think Grian was going to say. Of course has going to say yes. THE BUTTONS ON THE FLOOR LOL. The enderpearl stasis chamber the same content of his afk episode lol. AND THEN JOEL DIES FROM THE ENDER PEARL DAMAGE. WHAT A WHIPLASH. And they’re going to try again omg. Grian is so impatient it’s literally just 5 minutes. HOW DID JOEL MISS THE WATER?? And they missed at the birthday party. They didn’t hit the glass but still. Worst traps ever. LIZZIE GETTING GRIAN. SOMETIMES THE SIMPLE WAY WORKS BEST. HE THREW HIS ENDERPEARLS INTO THE LAVA LOL. Grian clearly didn’t learn from his lesson about the buttons. The ravager!! A nice callback to the Double Life warden. IT GOT JIMMY HAHAHAHAA. Grian’s accidentally killed him twice now. TIES were completely unconcerned about the tnt minecarts and impulse just get blown up LOL. lol they just gave up on traps and started with the piercing crossbows. And Jimmy dies to a PUFFERFISH!! And Scott continues to frustrate Joel throughout the life series.

THEY JUST BOTH FELL OFF THE LADDER LIKE THAT. CLASSIC. Jimmy’s denial is so strong lol. THIS IS SLAPSTICK COMEDY. BAD BOYS FALLING APART. ON THE SAME LADDER ON THE SAME MINUTE. how did Joel get hit from Jimmy though. And you would think Grian would have learned to keep a Pearl or a water bucket in his hot bar now. The same exact spot too. AND THEN THE ABSOLUTELY COLD BLOODED “I’m actually fuming” MURDER ON JIMMY ON THE SAME EXACT SPOT HE JUST DIED ON. LOOOOL. THE PERFECT TIMING ON EVERYTHING. That block throw from Joel to Jimmy was actually pretty cool. Even though he almost shot Jimmy off like 10 minutes ago. Yeah he got etho but he got killed by Scott so a net loss of 30 minutes. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL QUADRUPLE KILL!!! On Scott even. And then Joel falls off, AND JIMMY TOO HAHAH. Jimmy needs the pity of his fellows lol. ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL KILL ON TIES!!! Rip Tango everyone is just farming him for time. AND JOEL GETS A DOUBLE TNT MINECART KILL!!! YOOOO. Grian and Joel are truly the bad boys. JIMMY JUST WALKS OFF. THAT FOOL. DYING FIRST DESPITE EVERYONE TRYING TO HELP HIM AND GIVING HIM TIME. IM CRYING THIS IS TOO GOOD. “He’s a bad boy in the sky now” “well don’t put him in the sky he will probably fall out of it” JOEL!!! Annnnnd the mourning suits are back. Grian still trying to get with BigB lol. Martyn killing himself with the tnt minecart is so much better from this POV. Grian giving a completely accurate analysis on Joel’s unstable maniac phase, even more hilarious that it’s triggered by Jimmy’s death. I cannot believe them just hiding in the wheat behind a dirt block actually worked. Scar’s “goodbyeeeeeee” as he dies LOL. HE GETS ANOTHER TNT MINECART KILL!! A DOUBLE KILL!! Grian’s on a murder spree this episode. He would do that for Joel!!! So tight. He almost said “oh Scar” from force of habit cue the Simpsons meme. JOEL GOT DONATED TIME FROM GRIAN AND SCAR AND LOSES IT IMMEDIATELY TO SCOTT AGAIN LOL. Wait did he run out of time or did he get killed? Also that lightning strike up to the clock tower is excellent framing. The time ran out (clock tower), an attempted tnt minecart, and the same place where Jimmy slipped. Grian’s dramatic “you can kill me!!” is also very good. o7 bad bois you were good while it lasted.

THE ONE TIME HE HAS AN EXCUSE TO NOT WEAR THE DETESTED SKIN AND HE KEEPS IT ON. None of his pressure plate traps worked; he gets a taste of his own medicine and immediately fires back to SkyNet. Wait did he kill Bdubs or was it the tnt minecart? He really is farming Tango for time. Aww that tnt kill was dedicated to Joel. Etho hit himself with his own arrow that Grian deflected with his shield? Truly washed up. HE BETRAYED SCAR!!! The fanart really did lie I thought this was up on skynet. Huh I didn’t expect nosy neighbors to back him up. And he got the final kill on Cleo!! Wiped out 2/3 of the clockers. Haha evo smp squad aka nosy neighbors are beyond the veil. HES SO SAD ABOUT THE BREAD LOL. He was so wrong about the protections of being beyond the border. Grian being a very bird man by being territorial about his ladder and feeling safe up on SkyNet. He completely forgot about the sword until Etho pushed it LOL. And Pearl was absolutely gunning for Impulse lol. BRO NEVER LEARNS LOL. A SEA OF WATER AND HE LANDS ON THE ONE BLOCK. RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CLOCK TOWER TOO. LOOOOOL. He just WALKED off, no Pearl or water bucket in the hot bar. Never learnt his lesson. Jimmy must be heckling him in the discord haha. Bread bridge truly the killer of the Bad Boys.

Limited life blogging!

BRO WHATS WITH BOOGEYKILL? It’s only been 10 minutes??? Scott??? BDUBS???? WHAT IS HAPPENING??? SKIZZ AGAIN??? On brand for Bdubs to do it to the guy that just got killed. Within 1 minute of the choosing. I can’t I’m crying so hard right now. It’s not even a clever play anymore this is just hilarious. Skizz’s heartfelt speech while Joel and Jimmy are dying in the background. This ain’t about them. Joel bringing Boat Boys over into this. No wonder Etho replaced him with a cow. And of course Etho taunts him back about Jimmy replacing him, and of course he kills the cow. They’re referencing ALL the previous series. So many things are happening at the start. Wow. Everyone is just trying to ally with Etho. Everyone really be dying in pairs. Skizz again. They just can’t keep a cow alive. WHO TNTED THE COWS LOOOOOL?!?! Everyone is dropping like flies.

The complete U-turn once the vexes come out and then the hilarious cutscene back to the meeting room. Everyone REALLY wants Etho’s tnt. “Come here Bdubs…I need an easy boogey kill and it doesn’t get easier than you.” Bdubs never let go of the deadweight allegations lol. Etho and his tnt tree farms. Skizz and Bdubs slap fight lol. Bad boys going out of bounds lol. Joel’s deadpan threat of making himself yellow to get Etho back. Truly another wizard moment. Etho is so happy about his tnt. How many redstone geniuses does it take to craft a power rail. And of all people, it’s Skizz that makes them. Wait why did Grian afk? And why is Bdubs so clingy to Etho? HOW HAS SCAR MISSED WITH THE TNT MINECARTS SO MANY TIMES?!? How is everyone dying so much. WHAT IS HAPPENING?? BDUBS WAS THE THIEF ALL ALONG!! And of course the trap didn’t get him. Also what is causing the timer to glitch? Was it a bubblevator tnt? Also rip Tango’s tower. I wonder if there’s anyone who hasn’t died yet. Grian slain by PUFFERFISH??? HE WAS SO CAREFUL, WAS ANTICIPATING IT, AND STILL DIED TO THE CREEPER LOL. TORCHES LOL. Bdubs heckling him lol.

Etho with the banana code again. Tango and Etho making fun of Skizz’ incredibly obvious plan. Huh Etho’s rping the deadbeat dad a lot. Especially by making Scar and Bdubs turn on each other. HALF A HEART??? Every green has a yellow going after them for lols. “Off you go Joel!! Oh I fell - thank you. You saved me! You saved Joel so that I can kill you!” WHAT A SCENE!!! HE LANDED IN THE MLG. HE WASNT EVEN BOOGEY!! TOO GOOD TO BE SCRIPTED. What is happening. How did Martyn hit the ground he was in WATER. Impulse still the luckiest bastard ever. Etho trying to have a moment with Joel. Wait where was Martyn hiding?? Yes Etho what a great idea. Pull the tnt minecarts towards you. SCOTT’S PERFECT TIMING BEHIND THEM. HE JUST WATCHED THE TNT MINECART SLOWLY ROLL IN HIS DIRECTION LOL. SKIZZ NEARLY DIED SWIMMING AND TANGO HAS TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR HIM LOL. Triple kill!!! Skynet, the mob farm, and pretty much unlimited deaths were the best things to ever happen to this server. Was Etho's mob farm just supplying the entire server for tnt? “I’m impressed Etho, that’s possibly the best work you’ve ever done.” “Thank you Cleo. Also that was so mean” LOL “Not overrated… his skills were from back in the day” and Bdubs defending Etho’s redstone when they’re talking about his pvp skills. HE CALLED HIMSELF WASHED UP AHHAHAAHAH. Omg this scene is ICONIC. Etho just envisioning all the trash talk in his comments. THUMBNAIL IS ONE WORD LOL. Bdubs behaving exactly like an ethogirl in the comments making everything worst. YOUTUBE IN GENERAL LOL. What an episode.

The clocker RP is so good. Babysitting and also bullying Bdubs. Etho loves his tnt. And him just listening on Jimmy’s streamer talk. Ah they went after their wheat because of bread bridge. And his bridge too. This family dinner rp is too real omg. “I like that she’s quiet.” Omg. “Well this is nice” after the tnt gets placed down. OH DID HE CUT OUT THE ABSENT FATHER ROAST?!?!? They’re ACTUALLY playing fetch chicken with the tnt minecart. I can’t believe this. “Little bit of a baby throw” this is real incomprehensible family games right here. The trust exercise with the useless redstone torch. TWO?!? LOL THEY BLEW THEMSELVES UP AS EXPECTED. CLASSIC. WHAT DID THEY THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?! “You dropped the ball.” BRO.

Watching the clip compilation ep 6 by Molecoid. Has the no thumbnail and the intro LOL. He compared Skizz and Scar’s abs….. why. ZombieGem absolutely roasting Etho. “Why would I ever listen to you?” A scar trap lol. “Why are you saying re in front of it?” LOL Joel and Jimmy are so desperate. Impulse is so bad at lying. HE DIDNT EVEN HIDE HIS STASIS CHAMBER AND SCAR FOUND IT AND KILLED HIM IMMEDIATELY. He resets it and Scar gets him again. Why would he reset it right there. HE DIES TO HIS OWN TRAP LOL. Martyn witnessing the downtime of Etho and seeing him turn red is such a lucky find. Wait how did Bdubs survive that end crystal. Just as he’s warning Etho from the family dinner too. ZOMBIEGEM ABSOLUTELY ROLLED HIM OMG. HE BARELY EVEN TRIED SHE LITERALLY BROKE HIS SHIELD WITH SWORE CRITS AND ENDED IT. HE GOT LIKE 2 HITS IN AND THEY WERENT EVEN CRITS. DIDNT EVEN BREAK HER SHIELD. “Wrench of a wife” LOL. SHE WASNT EVEN USING HER SHIELD. SHE UPHILL SWORDED HIM WHEN HE HAD A DIAMOND AXE. SHE WAS ON TWO HEARTS AND SHE STILL HIT HIM LIKE 10 TIMES AND KILLED HIM AGAIN. OH MY GOD HE IS WASHED.

“Yeah I lost my audio” he says over clips of him getting absolutely demolished by the clockers LOL. What a significant look between Grian and Etho. Wow things really have changed this series. Etho doesn’t even pretend to not be the boogey. HE PULLED THE “YOURE ADOPTED” CARD OOOOOOH 1v3s without pregapping; 1/4 the damage was from his own firework, dies to lag from Grian while Scott cleans up. Classic. Quad kill!! Of course people trapped spawn. That firework through the waterfall kill on Jimmy was pretty cool.

Classic Jimmy Trying to get Scott again with the fishing rod slow tnt minecarts. Joel died to glass in the water??? LOL. Etho just hitting every single block and taking fall damage at the worst time possible. HE KEEPS OPENING VC LOL. Bdubs trying to mediate between Scar and Etho lol. HE FELL OFF, CLUTCHED, OFFHANDS HIS AXE AND USES A PICK, AND THEN DIES TO A SKELETON. HES WASHED. AND THEN A WOLF STOLE HIS KILL LOOOOOL. Bdubs taking pity on him. This is such an iconic moment but Skizz’ skin is killing me. “You’re a standup guy. I appreciate you, I love everything about you. I just wish you were better at this game.” AND AXE CRITS SKIZZ LIKE THAT. BRUTAL. EXECUTES HIM WHILE LAUGHING. Skizz’s ghostly “Me too” is also great. What an ending.

He finally got a tnt minecart kill! “Tango this is Minecraft. Why don’t you have blocks?” Pearls game was rigged to kill all three. Etho was smart enough to pick the house that had its undersides all blown up lol. IMPULSE FINALLY GETS A END CRYSTAL KILL!!! BEAUTIFUL. Scar with the excellent sword names. Etho got Grian!!! Etho’s just all by himself, in the sky, talking to ghosts. Oh you can shoot into the border now? How many times did Etho kill Grian?? With the fireworks through water each time as well??? And Scar cheering on Etho in the chat. ETHO HAD TO PROMPT GRIAN TO ENACT THE LOYALTY SWORD LOL!!! FANDOM LIED TO ME!!!! I thought it was a secret low key thing that would only appear at the beginning and end and would be Grian initiated but no!!!! Grian is so happy to live out his dreams of being rescued and partnered with Etho. He’s so time hungry omg. Turning immediately on Pearl. Giving a fair 1v1 to Pearl was very kind of him. He’s still washed though. He died to fall damage just like Grian lol. Half his health gone to his own firework too. He pinned the fluffing comment HAHA

[phantomrose96]

Joyrider

(Welcome to another warm-up writing piece. cw for mild body horror)

...

The mall food court doubled rather nicely as a battle-dome.

It fit the bill: a flat and circular arena, crowned two-stories up by a hemisphere of glass windows which lapsed iridescent in the maelstrom of ecto-fire.

Spectator chairs sat empty, hastily shoved back and knocked over by the Amity Park mall patrons who knew to leg it at the first sound of explosions and the first sign of the atmosphere tipping dark. Admittedly, the patron evacuation took longer than Danny anticipated, and he backed himself into a corner playing defense for the 50 some-odd people who, worn-out on the every-day mundanity of ghost alarms, took their time gathering belongings, or shutting off burners, or working in a few last bites of a burger.

So with the crowd gone and the stage their own, Danny found himself pressed back against a vat of french fry oil, hands braced against the handle of a broom he held out horizontally, which the ghost gripped with equal measure and shoved her full weight against.

“Oh, why not take a little dip, Ghost Boy? I hear the water’s nice.”

“No thanks,” Danny answered, shoving harder. “I never was much of a hot tub guy. You on the other hand—”

Danny set a foot forward and pivoted, body fueling the torque as he spun the broom, and tore the ghost with him, a pirouette to swap their spots and jam the ghost back-pressed to the fryer.

“—you seem like you’d like it hot.”

The ghost barked a laugh, jaw stretching lower and loose than Danny was comfortable with.

“Ha! You sure? Not very heroic of you to deep fry this girl I’m possessing.”

Danny faltered. His grip slipped. His blood chilled to ice as the information clicked in place – as he recognized the sensation of a ghost talking through someone. This wasn’t the ghost’s own form. This was some girl. How had he not felt—

A blast took him by the ribs. Danny doubled over, immediately kicked back. A foot found contact with his face, driving him down, until the girl’s wet and slippery fingers pinned him down by the wrists.

Danny strained. He could pivot his wrist a fraction of an inch left or right, but he could not break the hold.

“Get off me!”

And a voice answered from behind him.

“I can help with that.”

Danny craned his neck. Upside down, vantage point from the floor, he registered Sam’s combat boots slam into focus. She bent to one knee, a bazooka locked on the other. It charged, whined, and erupted with an explosion of green light.

The ghost shrieked. It took only an instant of resistance before the ghost tore cleanly from the girl possessed.

“Now if you don’t mind me—” Tucker, by the voice. Danny heard the whine of a Fenton Thermos heating up. “—I’d officially like to change my order from fries to soup.”

The beam burst forth, and the writhing, shrieking, yelping form of the exorcised ghost clawed and scratched in Danny’s direction before the thermos consumed her in full.

“Really? ‘Fries to soup’? Even Danny can do better than that.”

“Hey,” Danny answered.

“I was thinking on my feet, Sam. I didn’t hear any witty quips from you.”

The conversation fell away from Danny’s focus as the full human weight of the possessed girl dropped down on him. Gently, Danny gripped her by the shoulder, lifting her as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

“Your parents’ anti-possession gear is getting good. I don’t think I’ve seen an exorcism work that quickly.” Sam’s voice, now at his side. Danny glanced over, finding her kneeling beside him. “Is she hurt?”

Danny gave the girl a once-over. She was pale, cold, lips seeping blue. A mottled, blackish bruise spread across her temple, partially hidden beneath loose red bangs.

“I don’t… totally know. I didn’t land any hits on her, thankfully. But who knows what that ghost might have done. We should call an ambulance.”

“On it,” Tucker, from behind.

“Do you… do you think the bazooka might have hurt her?” Sam asked.

Danny shook his head. “Mom and Dad have blasted each other with that thing a hundred times. Dad got himself possessed by the box ghost for a trial run. It doesn’t hurt people. …Maybe she just needs a minute.”

“Lay her down, maybe?”

“Good idea.”

Danny eased forward, careful in his movements. Something about his grip slipped, sliding loose and rolling forward, and she fell unceremoniously from his arms, shoulder knocking ground as she lay there partially turned on her side.

“Danny!”

“Sorry! I didn’t—something slipped!”

“Well don’t leave her like—” Sam gripped a hand to the girl’s shoulder, weight behind her wrist to roll the girl fully onto her back. Sam’s hand froze, and then yanked away.

“What?” Danny asked.

“That didn’t feel right.” Sam only stared down, her hand hovering, twitching in increments. “Way too cold… and loose.”

“Loose?”

“Danny, look at her hands. What’s wrong with her hands?”

Danny looked. The skin stretched and wrapped the bones of her fingers as if rotated partway around. Her fingernails sat off-center, twisted around and bunched up like a glove. Sam’s hand came back into view, and she clamped it to the girl’s wrist.

“It’s like jelly. Danny it’s like jelly. Why is she this cold? Danny, I don’t think she’s—”

Something new caught Danny’s eye, a purple discoloration peeking out from the bottom ruffles of the girl’s shirt. His hands seemed to move on their own as he reached down, and pinched the bottom of her shirt, and pulled it back.

Black bruising consumed her torso, caving deep and bloating, pruning around the trails of heavy stitching that ran along the tracks of surgical cuts carving through her abdomen.

Danny yanked his hand away as if burned.

“Danny, she’s not breathing.”

The rest of Danny’s thoughts drowned in the swelling wail of the approaching ambulance siren.

…

Outside the Fenton Portal, green lighting doused the only part of Danny’s form not hidden in shadow, and danced with the fire of his glowing green eyes. Danny uncapped the thermos in his hand, and he trailed his thumb along the eject switch.

A new consuming green light belted forth, lasting only a moment until it vanished with a twin-braided ghost in its wake. The ghost blinked, smoothing over her hair and pulling the ends of her braids over her shoulders.

“Oh, it’s the Ghost Boy again. I thought you’d just throw me back in the Ghost Zone. Are you interested in a round 2?”

“No, not interested,” Danny answered, tone colder than ice.

“Yeesh, you’re quite sour. No more puns?”

“Why were you possessing that girl?”

“Hmm?”

“Why were you possessing her?”

The ghost blinked, green portal light mixing murkily with her purple eyes. “No particular reason. It was just a joyride.”

“A joyr—she was dead.”

Another blink. “Yeah I know. She was sitting in the morgue. She was in like a car crash or something and they already took all her organs. They didn’t need her. And I was gonna give her back, but you had to go and make it a whole thing.” The girl swooped forward, eyes wide and roving over Danny. “You seem mad. Wanna call a truce?” She stuck a hand forward. “I’m Melissa, by the way.”

Danny jolted, eyes flashing brighter. “No, you’re not. That girl was Melissa.”

“Oh for real?” Melissa let out a chuckle. “Crazy coincidence. I like don’t even know that many Melissas. Anyway truce?”

“No.” Danny ran his fingers through his hair. “You were possessing the body of a dead girl and you made me fight her! Don’t you see how that’s—that’s so—how fucked up—that you’d even—”

“Well I mean, I didn’t make you fight me. You made that happen. I was minding my business.”

“Doing what?”

“Shopping. Why else would I take a body for a joyride? I stole some cute clothes to wear. Stole some food to eat. Oh! That outfit I was wearing when we were fighting? Yeah I picked that out. She was in like a hospital gown when I found her. Super cute improvement right?”

An ectoblast sounded and connected with the wall behind Melissa, missing her a foot to the right. Danny’s hand glowed, and his eyes focused with a razor sharpness.

“Stop talking like that, okay? It’s pissing me off. I need you to tell me you know this was fucked up.”

Melissa put a finger to her chin. “I mean I guess stealing is kinda wrong. They were all like, big box corporate stores don’t worry.”

“The. Dead. Body.”

And Melissa fell silent a moment, violet eyes probing deep into Danny’s before widening. “Oh. Oh you’re like for-real mad about that. Like actually. I thought you were like, making an ironic joke.”

“Why the hell would I be joking about this??”

Melissa cocked her head to the side. “Well because you’re doing it too, duh. Like, duh.”

A huff of air cut against Danny’s teeth, an involuntary noise, incredulous, a guffaw he didn’t consciously make. The jelly sensation of decomposing flesh was back under his fingers. “I am not—would never—I’ve never even seen a dead body before this thing with you and I’d never in a million years even think for even a fucking second that I’d want to possess a dead body. What’s wrong with you?!”

Melissa bobbed a little in the air, ends of her braids trailing over the straps of her ephemeral sundress. “See this is why I really can’t tell if you’re joking or not. What are you talking about? You’re doing it right now.” She clasped her hands behind her back. “The black-haired boy whose corpse you’re possessing. Why are you allowed to do it?”

Danny froze. He laughed, heavy, with an uncomfortable force. “Myself, you mean? I’m not possessing myself. I am myself. I’m a half-ghost.”

Melissa met his laugh. “Oh what? No way like, that’s your own corpse? How’d you even get back to it in time? That’s crazy lucky like you must have died right near a portal or something.”

An involuntary shiver traced down Danny’s spine.

“…I’m not dead.” His eyes shifted around, and Danny dropped to the floor. He set a hand against the wall, throwing on the lights to the Fenton basement. Rings swept around his form, green iridescent eyes sweeping blue, white hair seeping black. “Look. Literally look at me. I’m not dead.”

And Melissa swooped closer. She set a finger to her bottom lip and hovered a foot in front of Danny, drinking him in. She swept to the side, like a swimmer in the water, sweeping around him in a full arc. She edged closer and pinched her fingers against the exposed skin on Danny’s arm. He flinched.

“Oh wow there’s like, not even any decay or anything. Your human brain even feels like it’s working it’s all like, electro-magnety. How long were you dead before you got back to your body?”

“I didn’t die.”

“Then what did happen?”

“I got shocked by the Fenton Portal, okay? It was just a lab accident and it gave me powers.”

“Oh. Oh.” Melissa’s eyes shot wide. “Oh you didn’t die near a portal… You died in a portal. You didn’t even have to get back to find your body at all. You must have appeared like practically on top of your own body. That’s crazy lucky. That’s so lucky. Your body was like, probably only dead a microsecond before you hopped back in. No wonder it’s so well-preserved.”

Danny swatted her away. “You’re not listening to me.”

“You’re not listening to me.” Melissa floated backwards. “What do you think is more likely? A bajillion ecto-volts somehow gave you superpowers that exactly mirror everything a regular dead ghost can do? …Or you died, and became a regular old ghost, and did what any regular old ghost can do, which is possess a freshly-dead dead body?”

“…I’m half-ghost,” Danny answered, human heart pounding in his chest. “I know what I am.”

Melissa bobbed back, feet pointed backwards until the soles of her feet skimmed the matrix of the portal. “I see you’ve made up your mind. That’s alright. But it was still pretty mean of you to accuse me like a big hypocrite like that.”

“I’ll destroy you if you ever try that again.”

“Oh I’ll try asking permission next time okay? Promise.” Melissa’s feet sank into the surface of the portal. “But, before I go, I’ve just got one more question to leave you with.”

“Go.”

“Why should a lethal accident do anything other than kill you?”

“Go.”

“Maybe you’ll have an answer for me next time I see you. Byeee!”

A spark of white erupted from the portal, consuming, absorbing, and fizzling out as Melissa’s form vanished into the ether beyond.

…

“Hey! Yo! Danny, come check this out!”

Danny rounded the stairs, unsocked feet creaking the floorboards with each step. Danny yawned, and blinked, and rubbed at his bruised eyes with the sleeve of his pajama top.

“Still asleep? That’s fine! You don’t have to do anything. Just come over here and look at what your old pop’s been up to.”

Danny entered the living room, where Jack sat hunched on the couch surrounded by an arsenal of power tools, rags, oil, soldering equipment, and scrap metal. From beside him he hefted a bazooka into view.

“This is the Fentonzooka 3.2.17. Amped up and equipped with all the latest in ghost-busting and human-saving technology.”

Danny blinked. “3.2.17?”

“Yep. This baby’s got 17 bug patches, tweaks, and internal improvements since the 3.2.0. The 3.2.0 was the advent of the snack compartment in the side. Look!” Jack spun a dial, revealing a chamber half-filled with pistachios.

Danny only stared.

Jack hefted the bazooka onto his shoulder. “Even better, Mads and I finally got rid of the last little sting humans feel when it’s fired. It’s now completely 100% harmless to humans. It feels like the breeze from a standing fan when it hits ya.” Jack turned, and he aimed the barrel at Danny. “Wanna try it out?”

Danny stood, and Danny stared, and Danny said nothing.

What might happen when it hit him?

Would it hit like the gentle breeze of a fan? Wash over him like air conditioning? Tingle cool and pleasant against his human fingers, human face, human skin?

Would it do something else?

Why should a lethal accident do anything other than kill you?

Jack eased the bazooka a bit off center, pulling his eyes away from the sight. He stared directly at Danny. “Danny?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to try it out?”

Danny stood.

Danny stared.

Danny wondered if he’d have an answer for Melissa the next time he saw her.

[miraculous-trinity-leo]

Whacky Gotham, Goofy New York, and Chaotic Paris

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

Chapter 3: Kindred Spirits Always Find A Way To Assemble

•—–—–†–—–—•

Time: 5:30am

location: Louvre

Ladybug, Abeille, Bunnyx, Trickster, and Chat Noir are fighting an akuma, not anything major, just Mr. Pigeon and his pigeons trying to melt the Louvre with deadly acidic bird dropings, so yeah, nothing major. Just another early bird gets the akuma kinda day...

"Looks like the early bird is trying to melt the Louvre, what say you M'lady, shall we make this swift and- *Loud sneeze* Let me now *sneeze* when I'm *sneeze* needed" - Chat Noir

"For to long our kind has been oppressed, they feed us miserable seeds, when we beg for bread, we shall show them no mercy, as our justice shall be swift!" picks up two pigeons, holds them by their legs and aims the rear cannons "Surrender your Miraculous and your justice shall be swift and painless!!" with an evil villain laugh at the end bla bla bla.

" Anyone else getting Pigeon (French) Revolution vibes? No? just me? Cause I swear he said seeds instead of cake."

"Not the time Bunnyx." - Abeille

"Oh it so Is The Time." - Bunnyx

"Off with Mr. Pigeon Antoinette's Akumatized object!" - Chat Noir from a distance.

"Viva La Revolution!!!" - Trickster

"Dear Kwami, how did it come to a frickin Pigeon Revolution?!" - Ladybug

As the last line is said, Mr. Pigeon fires the -ehem- cannons at the heroes, only for them to be an illusion. In the confusion Bunnyx pops out of her burrow and wacks Mr. Pigeon on the head, effectively knocking him out.

"The Pigeon Revolution is over, we have taken back our home, and shall continue to defend it from the creepy Man of MOTH!!!!" - Bunnyx

and with that Bunnyx brakes the Akumatized object, and Ladybug purifies the akuma.

"Ok, I will admit that last speach was funny, now lets hurry back before hells bells go off." - Ladybug

•~—~—~—~—~—~—~•

" Bla bla bla, nothing important, bla bla bla bla, yada yada yada bla yada." - Mrs. Bustier

"'Viva La Revolution', that was perfect." - Whispering Alix

"It just came to me, but Chats 'Off with Mr. Pigeon Antoinette's Akumatized object' line and your 'Man of Moth' speech were really well timed !" -whispering Peter

"well of course, I'm always punctual with any time sensitive joke/pun." -whispering Alix

"Will you to zip it! we can't have these simpletons finding anything out!" -whispering Chloé

"Please, they all share a broken defective regect of a brain cell, I doubt they could ever put two and two together." -whispering Alix

"Hey, do you think we should start a protest in our classroom?" -whispering Peter

"... Viva.La.Revolution!" - whispering Chloé with a mischievous grin

"No." - Maria

•~—~—~—~ Later when Mrs. Bustier is out of class ~—~—~—~•

"I just don't know what to do." - Lie-la

" You think she finally realized how horrible that hair style is?" - Alix

"After visiting Gotham a few months ago I met Damian Wayne, you might've heard about him, he's just so amazing, kind-hearted, and brave. We had a wonderful time, but then he asked me out! And I don't want to hurt Parkers feelings, I care for both of them!" - Lie-la

"Man, she must be extremely full of it to keep pulling that sh-t out of her @ss every hour or so." - Alix

"Wow Peter, didn't know your cared for Ms. Rossi like that" - Chloé said in a sarcastic tone.

" I'd rather strap her to a supersonic rocket heading for a black hole, and I'm pretty sure this Damian Wayne would do the same... he probably has the money for it actually." - Peter

" Enough plotting, we still need to get enough money, if we want that summer trip, we've already crossed off: Baking sales, becoming a mime, jobs are out unless they're fine with you leaving right after joining, and we can't just ask for donations." - Maria

" I can use my MDC mon-" - Maria

"Oh hell no you won't! You worked your butt off to get that money, you said it yourself! That money is for when you apply to college! I refuse to let you waste your money on our ignoramus classmates!" - Chloé

Thankfully by now everyone was out of the classroom.

" Oh Kwami she's serious, she never uses her big words!" - Adrien

" Then what do you suggest Chloé?" - Maria

" I'll ask daddy to pay!" - Chloé

" I can also ask my father, he'll probably do it if Mr. Bourgeois puts in a donation." - Adrien

" But- " - Maria

" No! The decision is final all in agreement say aye!" - Chloé

"Aye!" - Everyone

"You've watched to many movies Chloé, fine, but please don't drastically overdo it." - Maria

" When have I ever drastically overdone something? Name one time." - Chloé

"Well, there was the time you over did it, by not sleeping for almost three weeks." - Maria

" and after that you got so fed up with one akuma that you kicked him with the force of a thousand suns down unda, you may have scared him for life after that honestly. " - Adrien

" Oh! or the time you went overboard with Peters B-day, and the cake landed on his face! - Alix

"Well in her defense, the cake was great, but it was kinda a mouthful." -Peter

"... I said name one time. (ー_ー)" - Chloé

•~—~—~—~—~—~—~•

Sooo, after all that happened Mr. Bourgeois, Fallowed by Gabriel Agreste, gave a very generous donation, so that solves that problem.And since I'm sure you don't want to see (More Lies) boring stuff, lets skip to two days before the trip begins.

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜time skip " You're welcome, I'm here all eternity." - Bunnyx〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

•—–· At Chloés Hotel ·–—•

"Ok are we sure we have everything?" - Maria

" Yes now can we please watch something already, we've triple, and even quadruple checked everything, we're good." - Alix

" I have to go out and inform Tempête and Vipère, before anything else, be back soon." - Maria then heads out calling upon the other heroes.

" So what do you need?" - Vipère

" Do you have a top secret mission for us?" - Tempête

" For the summer Abeille, Bunnyx, Trickster, and Chat Noir will be unavailable, unless they are truly needed, I however will be able to travel back and forth via portals for fights. Paris will be in your care while we aren't here." - Ladybug

"It is our honor, we shall defend Paris with our lives." - Tempête

" Agreed, enjoy your summer." - Vipère

"Thank you, stay safe."  and with that Maria headed back to the hotel prepared to watch movies, only to be bombarded with questions as soon as she got back.

" HOLD UP! You know MAGIC?!" - Alix

" When were you going to tell us?!" - Chloé

"So cool, how does it work?" - Peter

" Can you teach us?!" - Adrien

" Spots-Off, yes I know magic, I swear I've told you before. Do you want a demonstration?" - Maria

They all shook their heads excitedly.

" Ok well, I'm able to Heal myself if I get hurt, but I don't wish to hurt myself just for that, I can also increase my Luck with magic, as well as Communicate/ Manipulate plants, and see peoples Souls, thanks to Tikki. I learned Protection magic thanks to Wayzz, and Illusion magic thank  to Trixx. I'm also learning Teleportation from Kaalki, which I've almost completed, and Mutitude from Mullo, which still needs work." - Maria

" If you can really talk to plants, what did we do earlier while you where out, hmmmmm?" - Alix

Maria then walks over to the roses near the couch and whispers to them, after a moment she turns back to her friends, and calmly says "Traitors."

" What do you mean?" - Peter

" You continued watching Star Wars: Clone Wars Without me!" - Maria

" Ok we believe you, but does this mean we can also use magic?" - Adrien

"Hmmm, let me see" as she says this her eyes start to glow an almost ethereal icy blue.

" Why are you eyes glowing?" - Chloé

"Looking at you souls... ok" she then claps her hands and her eyes go back to normal "Adrien, you can use slight Destruction magic on objects, if you use it on a person it would just cause them extreme pain, you can also cast Bad Luck on someone, so I guess thats good, and you can also learn slight Jubilation magic. Peter you can learn Illusion, and Protection magic. Chloé you can Learn Subjection, and Multiplication magic. And Alix, you can learn Evolution, Intuition, and Teleportation magic." As Maria finished, she saw the star struck looks in their eyes at the thought of learning magic became obtainable for them.

"Teach us!" they all bowed only to get a laugh from Maria in response.

"You would have to ask the Kwamis that, I only know what I know thanks to them." - Maria

And for most of the night they all started practicing magic. And when they woke up, they continued to practice, they had fun and were really enjoying it.

Then came the day Maria and her friends were to head for Gotham, and it was hectic, but everyone made it in one piece after an 8 hour flight, which at this point Maria was glad she sent all of her important luggage ahead of time, because somehow her luggage with only her toiletries and pyjamas was stolen, so all she had now was her back pack on her and the Miracle box in a Pocket dimension (thanks to the training from Fluff and Kaalki)

Lila was annoyed, when Maria didn't even care that she lost her bag with all her stuff (jokes on you she sent that one to the hotel 2 days ago HA!) they ended up checking into the hotel, everyone was with someone, Peter was with Adrien, Chloé was with Alix, and Maria... just had the Kwamis, yup that's right, apparently Lila has a condition that prevents her from being in any room below a quality vip room, so now she was upgrade and without a roommate, good for Lila, and Lucky for Maira, because now she doesn't have to worry about someone noticing her climbing out the window to go free-running across rooftops as Multimouce.

Around 7:30 pm. everyone heads out for lunch... and they leave Maria behind.

"Of course this happens." and with that she asked the receptionist for the directions to where her class went, afterwards she went out and proceeded to get lost, after trying to retrace her steps, she just got lost quicker, and her phone was at 20% what luck.

After walking for a little bit, she had decided to take a break, and as she leaned up against a wall, she closed her eyes.

'Maybe if I search for the receptionists Soul I can find my way back.' as she was doing this, she saw souls of all colors walking by, she even noticed a dark emerald green soul, and a dark blue soul across the street on a rooftop... and then she felt her hair stand on end, a few feet to her right was a bloody rust looking soul, she could tell it was a male, late 20s, average build, and 5'11, he was targeting her. As she opened her eyes  she did a quick scan of her seroundings, noticing an alley, she started to walk again. Sensing the slight increase in speed from the man now behind her, as he got closer, she made a sharp left into the alley, she made it a few feet in before the man started laughing and walking closer, she saw the disgusting look in his eyes, and the outline of a gun in his front left pocket.

"Come on now girlie,  I just wanna talk."

" I am good thankz." she made sure to add an accent to make him feel like he had an upper hand, which seemed to work, if his sickening smile was anything to go off of.

He stepped closer and Maria (the little genius she was) decided to act nervous, which only lowered the guys gaurd even more, once he reached to grab her in a quick motion she proceeded to do this.

She held the guy in a lock until he fell unconscious. As she stood up, she noticed a hand reaching for her, she then grabbed the hand and flipped the figure over her shoulder hard, hearing a yelp from the man as she did so.

When she realized who she had flipped over, her face turned bright red

"Mon dieu, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you are you ok Monsieur Nightwing?!"

"Yeah I'm fine and don't apologize, reflexes like that are key to survival here in Gotham, isn't that right Robin.... Robin?"

When Nightwing didn't get any sound from Robin he looked over to see the boy a blushing mess, then Robin snaped out of it, cuffing the mugger, and turning his attention to the girl.

" Ehem. Mam it's dangerous to be out here at this time alone, please allow us to take you wherever you need to go." - Robin

"Oh thank you um, do you know where Wayne Hotel is? I was supposed to go with my class to dinner, but they... “forgot” me, I decided to try and meet up with them, but I failed horribly." - Maria

"Wait they just left you? and in Gothan of all cities?! What kind of teacher does that?!" - Nightwing

" An instegator." - Maria said under her breath in French, she didn't notice the slight shock on both their faces from what she said.

"Anyway lets get you to your hotel before it gets any later." - Nightwing

"Thank you again." - Maria

She arrived safely, thanks to Nightwing and Robin, she thanked them one more time and went inside, when she got to her room she found her friends pacing back and forth in the room, Chloé and Peter looking like they would soon become two people on a mission to find her, but thankfully she was back, she of course had to answer alot of questions, but that was no big deal. After answering all their questions, everyone went to their rooms, and fell asleep, they had a big day tomorrow afterall... ... and then Marias' Akuma alert went off, ok so it took about thirty minutes to defeated the akuma 2 more before she could cure anything and another 5 minutes before she could head back to her room, and it was now 2am, but she could still wake up early right? hehe (・–・;) right?

No, the answer was no she couldn't, well technically she was up on time for when the bus "should" have started getting ready to leave, BUT turns out Lila SOMEHOW, managed to get everyone on board without even thinking of her an hour early! Maria asked for directions once again, and the receptionist had a worried and apologetic look on her face, Maria thanked her again, and headed out, this time however, she made it without getting lost and without getting mugged, Yay! She even had enough time to get a coffe (Tim special was a wierd name but oh well it did the job pretty well) from a shop near by (double yay!) before entering the WE building.

" You have to start the tour! we've been here for an hour and thirty minutes already!" - Ms. Bustier

"Like I said before, I will not start the tour until your student gets back, and if they don't get back, then we better hope nothing happened to them, or else it's your fault for your negligence." - Tour guide

"Sorry I'm late, the bus left earlier than what we scheduled, why didn't you inform me about the change?" - Maira

"Lila said you were the one who made the changes and that you were just trying to get attention, I am VERY disappointed in you Maria, now apologize to your class for delaying the tour!" - Ms Bustier

"I think you mean “I'm sorry we left you behind in a city where murder happens to young kids on a daily basis” now you apologize to Your student that is Your responsibility." - Tour Guide with a glare that could kill a thousand armys

Ms. Bustier proceeded to apologise to half the class's disbelief.

"Alright then, now that thats all taken care of, Hello and welcome to Wayne Enterprise, where we focus on making Gotham and the world a better place. I'm Dick Grayson, and I'll be you tour guide for today."

As the tour went on Maria stood at the front with her friends, she took notes of everything that was said, and she ignored whatever nonsense Lila was spouting, somthing about saving or dating Damian Wayne, she didn't really care.

When the lunch break came, she sat with her friends until she needed a long overdo refill on her coffee, she walked over to the coffee machine and started figuring what combination will keep her brain working for the rest of the day.

"Press button 3 followed by 5, 6, 8, 1, 2, 4, 9, and 7, that is the ultimate coffee mixture, if your mortal self is up for the challenge." - Sleep deprived guy

"I accepte." she presses the buttons in the exact order and then " Wait none of the cups are big enough."

"Here, secrect cup, from beyond the mortal realm." - Sleep deprived guy

" Thanks" she grapped the very large cup, and filled it with coffee till it was almost to the rim, she put the lid on and instantly took a big sip from the scolding hot coffee (she can heal, her tongue's fiiiiiiine)

"... Not bad, taste similar to the Tim Special I had earlier, but maybe a bit stronger." - Maria

" Kindred Spirit, let us be friends, you have drank the sacred coffee and are now immortal, congrats." - Sleep deprived guy

"It was not easy, but I have come this far, and I shall go the distance with nothing but coffee in my veins." Maria said in a serious tone as they shook hands "I am Maria, keeper of all nighters, and who might you be, my kindred spirit."

"I am Tim, the keeper of sacred coffee and all that is unholy."

"It was an honor to meet you Sacred Tim, may the coffee gods guide you in your journey, sadly we must part ways, for the lunch break is over, farewell..." and with that Maria left to rejoin the group.

"Dear god where the hell did you get that much coffee?!" - Chloé

"Kindred Spirits always find a way to assemble." - Maria

"Huh, so there is someone out there who is also a sleep deprived child." - Alix

The tour continued, and Maria noticed their tour guide kept looking at her with growing concern as she slowly made her way through the lovely coffee, she finished the cup within 1 hour and 30 minutes, and most of the staff kept looking at her as she now held the empty unholy cup, that was said to put people (that weren't chosen by the coffee gods) into caffeine induced commas, but she was fine, if anything she was more awake than yesterday and today combined. So yeah Today had a rocky start, but I'd say things are only just beginning.

•—–—–†–—–—•

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜 Bonus Art 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

This is what it looks like from Marias' normal vision, to her Soul Vision (~‾▿‾)~

Chapter 3 completed, hope you're all having a wonderful day, and staying positive BUG-OUT 🐞💮🐞

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜 Tag List 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

1st Place★: @animegirlweeb ☕

2nd Place★: @jumpingjoy82

3rd Place★: @zalladane

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30th Place★: @lady-phoenix-of-tardis

@lupagrimm

[camslightstories]

Tolerate it - Part 2

Notes: I wanted to thank you for all the support, you guys gave me with this, it amazed me. It’s my first reader x character and I cannot be happier. I wanted to do shoutout to @super66legends87, she helped me a lot, go check her out. She is an amazing writer.

If you have any request, comment, question or feedback I will gladly received. I'm working on a prompt list for my writing. Thank you again for reading, have a great day.

Lena Luthor x reader, Kara Danvers x reader, Alex Danvers x reader. Baby Danvers.

3 years later

Midvale was quite colorful during the holidays. There wasn't any snow but that didn't stop the residents from going big every year. Every once in a while a whole street would be completely lit up, and the next one would only have different inflatable holiday figures.

The smell of the ocean and cocoa mixed in the air was something that made you think of home. The soft cold breeze that Midvale would have. The caroling in the streets dressed in Hawaiian shirts and Santa hat. The beaming lights turned on at every hour of the day. The chocolate chip red velvet cookies from the girls' scout. The home that you shared with her, and it wasn't enough

You watched out of the car, how the teenagers would be skating, or just hanging around each other. You could also see the park that was situated a few minutes from your childhood home, fill up with kids laughing and playing. 

You couldn't bear to look away when you saw the happy couples entering the beach for the holiday movie night with their joint hands. You felt yourself almost breaking down at the moment the Uber stopped at your parents' house. 

Tears threatened to come out and with all of your self-control, you stooped them. Trying to put a facade before knocking on the door after thanking the driver, and wishing them safe drive home, and thanking them for the professionalism after you broke down on the passenger seat.

Your mom opened the door, immediately giving you a comforting hug. It took all of you, to not break down in her arms, but you couldn't do that. You just couldn't, you knew if you did, you would ruin everyone’s happiness. Including Lena’s and Kara’s and you would go through hell for them just to be okay.

When you pulled away you felt some tears leaving your eyes, and quickly wiped them, trying to make them unnoticeable. Your mother began who she is, noticed them, and frowned immediately as she spoke. “Why are you crying, sweetheart?”

“It's okay, mom. I just really missed you” Your mom nodded, as she believed it, your whole life you would cry if you saw others do. You would cling to any of your sisters if there was a storm. You would often make decisions on others' feelings, leaving your feelings behind. You would never stand up for yourself. You were afraid of rejection. You were just a highly sentimental person.

Eliza studied you before bringing you inside of the house as she questioned you. “Why are you doing here, Y/N? Not that I’m not glad to see you, it’s just the second of December sweetie”

“I wanted to put something away on the storage if that’s okay?” You responded as you carried some of the boxes inside.

Your tone and vibe were calm and unusual. You haven’t been like that since your heart breaks with Lucy, and a few years later Barry. Both of them leaving you for someone else, someone better.

You had a more bright persona. You and Kara had a similar vibe, you saw the best in people, you always used to bring the bright side out of everything. You were the clumsiest in the house, leaving you with a lot of bruises and broken things. You would make puns and bad jokes all the time. 

You were sweet and caring, also the innocent of the family, you would squeal like a child on Christmas day, or throw up the morning after Halloween. You were scared of the dark. You were just somewhat a child. Put when anyone you loved was hurting, you went on spiral protecting mode. You wouldn't open up, you wouldn't burden them with your problems even though it was killing you inside.

Your mom said before you would get another box, trying to make you open up. But you wouldn't give up “Of course it is sweetheart, I will make you some chocolate before we move the boxes” 

“Mom doesn't worry I can do it alone, they are not that heavy. And I would pass the chocolate thank you” You said as you walked past her, grabbing another box almost falling to your side.

Eliza chuckled at you as she went to help you while speaking. You nodded and remained quiet as you moved the boxes to your dad’s storage. “Okay sweetie, I will keep you company then.”

You couldn't help to think about the fact that the things you were storing away had somehow a memory with Lena. And it hurt you to think you are not there with her anymore. The fact that you are here storing them, except for taking them with you meant a lot. You knew that it was going to be difficult. Lena was the love of your life, she was everything and now becoming her nothing stung more than anything else.

After a few minutes of putting the boxes away, you stood outside of Jeremiah’s storage as you watched the things already organized. You marked your things and compound yourself before stepping away closing it be

Your mom stood a few feet away hugging her cardigan as she watched you from the balcony. You lifted your head to give her a small smile before she spoke up. “It’s cold Y/N, where is your sweater?” 

“I forgot it, mom, don’t worry about it, it’s not that cold” You shrugged your shoulders as you walked to the hammock seat.

The Danvers hammock seats were created by you. So you would ‘perform’ to your family the music you had created at 10, making Kara sing with you and after a time Alex too, making your parents watch.

Flashback - 2 years ago

The soft smell of french toast and coffee took part in your old room. Soft sunlight coming through the black window blinds invading the room, making you groan when you feel it in your face. The white sheets entangled between you and Lena under the blanket. A soft arm hugging you from behind protectively and a hand running through your Y/H/C hair comfortably. 

Slowly hearing Kara’s singing voice in the kitchen, you huffed before turning around with your eyes closed, feeling the glance of your girlfriend, you sighed before melting and cuddling more into her as she spoke. “Well good morning to you too, Love”

You mumbled as you pulled away to place small kisses on her face. Making the older woman giggle “It's Christmas day baby!”

When you went to kiss her properly, Lena decided to play catch moving away every time. You played along, ignoring her, making her now try to gain your attention until you heard the walkie-talkie on your nightstand sound with the familiar voice of your older sister, Alex groaning “I swear to Rao, if you don't make her shut up, the hammock performance would be viral”

“Merry Christmas dear sister. Alex, I swear-” You groaned before grabbing the yellow thing, Lena watched in amusement as she kissed your back and shoulders since you kept ignoring her. 

You were interrupted by the stuffed voice of your blonde sister yelling “I heard that! Jerks! Also, Eliza said if you don't come down the french toast would be mine”

You groaned before you could respond that walkie-talkie was flying towards your puff chair and you were pindown on the bed. Lena holding both of your hands to your side, with a smile of victory. She kissed you after a few seconds breaking the kiss with both of your smiles, as you spoke and squealed like a child “I love you and Babe! it's Christmas”

“Yes, it's Christmas love. And I love you too, darling” She responded shaking her head when you jumped out of bed. You quickly put on the closest shirt that was hers, and you were about to put your hand on the knob of the door when you were stopped by the soft voice of your girlfriend giving you a raised eyebrow

“Are you forgetting something Y/N?” She said, raising her eyebrow, giving you a soft and sarcastic glance as she dressed with your clothes. You looked at her dumbly before biting your lip and nodding your head.

“Ohh yeah yeah…. Good morning sweetie” You said before kissing her quickly before running downstairs. She didn't have the time to tell you, you didn't have pants on.

Lena looked at the door and rolled her eyes at your antics, before looking herself in the mirror trying to look presentable on Christmas morning, hugging herself with your oversize Christmas sweater smiling.

The kitchen was invaded by the smell of coffee and french toast. The sunlight coming through the windows giving a direct angle. Kara danced and sang at the other side of the kitchen since she was not allowed, because of her eating habits when your mom was cooking.

Walking through the house while it was decorated for Christmas was not the easiest, and running around it was more difficult than anyone expected, you saw Karas back before jumping in her back, clinging to her like a koala. 

A few minutes later, Alex came running downstairs, Lena and Maggie following close behind laughing. Alex didn't even blink before launching herself into Kara too, this time catching you off guard and making you three fall into the floor laughing and groaning. 

Your mom, Eliza, looked at you three daughter in the floor and walked past, giving Maggie and Lena a hug as she spoke directly to the “Merry Christmas sweeties we can sit”

Before the three of you would get up, she spoke to you pointing at your sisters and lastly at you.“The three children will come, in a second after they made sure there isn't a dent in the floor and all the food is ready.”

Kara and you pouted before getting up, while Alex just huffed and cursed quietly. Making Kara and her start a silly argument because the blonde caught you and not her even with her superpowers, while you sneaked up to the kitchen where the cookie dough stood putting a spoon inside getting caught by your mom's voice. “Without eating the cookie dough”

Before you could put the spoon away you heard all of the speakers play a familiar song. You startled when you heard the second part, you knew exactly what it was.“Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun...Now the jingle hop has begun”

“No!” Before you knew Alex and Kara were showing the video to everyone. Lena just laughed at your pouty face and gave you a kiss melting it away. Before anything else happened a few things were heard in the background

“Luthor that it's my baby sister” Alex yelled

“Not this again!” Kara yelled

“Could you two leave your sister and Lena alone?” Your mom said as she scolded your two older sisters, making you and Lena burst into laughing.

“I think the girl on the hammock band is adorable, I love you” Lena said pointing at the TV where the edited video played, it was you playing in 4 different instruments one signing as she kissed your temple.

“Put pants on nerd!” Before you could respond. Alex and Kara yelled as you felt a pair of shorts hitting your head.

Flashback ends

“How is Lena?” Your mom asked you, bring you out of your thoughts as she sat in the hammock chair next to you.

You keep your sight on the ocean, as the cold breeze hit you calmly. And the ocean waves breaking, close to the sand. You knew your mom's glance was on you, and the fact that she was trying to make you open up, told you she knew you were acting differently. 

“She is good, yeah she is good, good and she is also happy so that’s good” You responded, trying to convince yourself. 

Your mom glanced to the ocean, as she heard your response. Taking a deep breath she countered back, catching you off guard. “Are you happy?” 

You keep your glance on the ocean as you insisted, trying to not let the emotions gain control of you, you couldn't, Lena deserved to be happy and if it meant for you to be hurting, then it was worth it. “Yeah mom I’m good, I’m good, good, I’m happy so that’s good” 

“Okay sweetheart” She concluded, letting you go.

[mochegato]

Hope on Board

Chapter 17 - Flowers Break Like Promises

Chapter 1     Chapter 16

“What about Oliver?” Marinette suggested, looking up at him from her very cozy looking spot on the couch, surrounded by pillows and under a soft blanket.  Kismet was curled up on her lap purring away happily.

Dick scrunched up his nose considering just how brutal his murder at Bruce’s hands would be if he named his son after Oliver.  Probably wouldn’t be a murder, but Bruce would find other ways to punish him.  He was positive there were pictures he could show Marinette that Dick would never recover from.  “No, not Oliver.”

Marinette shrugged and clicked a few more links on her laptop.  “Arthur?” she offered instead.

Dick blinked a few times. Was she trolling him?  Was this her way of letting him know she knew about Nightwing and about the Justice League?  Any second now she was going to offer Barry or Diana.  He studied her closely.  She was completely relaxed, or at least as much as she could with her growing belly.  She looked up to him with innocent, guileless eyes.  He smiled at her.  “No.  How about Thomas John for the boy and Mary Sabine for the girl?” Dick offered instead, taking a seat next to her and scratching Kismet’s head.  Marinette wrinkled her nose at it.  Dick chuckled.  “Both our parents’ names included.”

“But what if we have more kids?  We’ve used up all the grandparent names in one go.  What do we do for the next one?  They don’t get a significant name?”

Dick grinned and gave her a suggestive look.  “Already thinking about more?”

Marinette rolled her eyes but leaned back to lay against him, resting her head on his shoulder.  “I thought it might be an option.  I always wanted more than two.”

Dick kissed her head. “Yeah, me too.  I thought three was a good number.  Maybe four.”

Marinette hummed in agreement and turned her head to nuzzle it into his jaw.  “Three or four sounds good to me.”

Dick squeezed her and looked back to the baby name website on her laptop.  “Okay, so which names do we use for these two?”

“I don’t think I want to name my daughter Mary.  No offense to your mother but it’s a bit too close to my name?  It feels wrong and confusing.” She added apologetically.

Dick nodded in agreement. She was right, that would get confusing, especially since he liked calling her Mari.  “How about middle names are grandparent names.  First names are names we like for different reasons,” he offered instead.

Marinette smiled up at him. “I like that.  Now we just need to figure out the first names.”  She quirked her lips to the side.  “What if you choose the boy’s first name and the girl’s middle name and I choose the girl’s first name and the boy’s middle name?”

Dick nodded and started thinking of names.  The girl was easy.  Mary would be a good middle name and wouldn’t get confused with Marinette.  Then again there was always his Mother’s middle name… But his son’s name was more difficult.  What would he want to call his son if he didn’t name him after his Dad or Bruce?  What were the important names to him?  He couldn’t use his brothers’ names.  He couldn’t use one of the other heroes’ names, he’d never live it down.  So, what other names were important to him? Zitka?  Cute, but hard pass.  Haley? No, he couldn’t do that. Robin?  He wasn’t going to put that out there so clearly.  But then again…

Marinette knew the boy’s middle name.  Thomas was her father’s name and Bruce’s father’s name.  It was the clear choice.  As much as she liked the idea of having a son named Tommy, it would have to be a middle name.  The girl’s name was more difficult because it was whatever name she liked.  So, what name did she like?  She couldn’t use a friend’s name and they already agreed not to use family names.  So it was a matter of what names she liked.  She knew what her father and Adrien would suggest, some pun.  Adrien would probably suggest Catherine so he could call her Kitty.  Pass. She could go with something significant to her like Coco or Vivienne or Vera or Carolina or Guo.  She loved flowers, she could go with Iris or Heather or Daisy.  Rose was out due to the friend rule.  But up until now, the most significant thing in her life had been being Ladybug, but she couldn’t name her daughter Tikki or Lucky.  But then again…

“I know what I want to do,” they both said at the same time and laughed.

“Well that was fast,” Dick observed with a smile.

“And for you,” Marinette agreed.  “Okay, let’s do the girl first.  I like the name Lucy.”

Dick repeated the name as if practicing how it sounded. “Lucy.  I like that.  Lucy Marie. French version of Mary.”

Marinette nodded. “Lucy Marie Grayson.” She turned to him with a smile.  “I love it.”

Dick nodded in agreement. “I do too.  Now the boy.  I like the name Robert.  Rob for short.”

Marinette repeated it. “Robert.  Rob.  Robert Thomas Grayson.  That’s a good name.”

Dick hugged her excitedly. “They both are.  I love the names.  And people said this would be hard.  They clearly don’t know what a good team we make.”  He gave her a quick kiss that turned into a longer kiss, which turned into an even longer kiss.  He pulled her into his lap to get her closer.  She started to pull off his shirt when his phone rang.  “I hate my phone,” he grumbled.  Marinette giggled and nodded in agreement.  “What?” he asked in an annoyed tone that he knew the person on the other side didn’t deserve.  “That is promising.  Okay, I’ll take a look tomorrow.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow at him as he hung up.  “Tomorrow?”

He nodded.  “Tomorrow.”

“Will you make the appointment at 3?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.  I’m really looking forward to it,” he assured her.  “I promise I won’t miss this one.  Now where were we?” he asked as he took off his shirt.

<><><><><> 

He was late.  He had tried to get out as quickly as possible, but he couldn’t.  There was always something more to investigate or to find.  Then he had to coordinate their next move, so he had to call into the other Titans to figure out logistics.  There was never a good time to get away.  And he had rushed out so quickly he hadn’t grabbed his phone. So here he was rushing to the hospital to try to maybe catch the tail end of Marinette’s ultrasound appointment and unable to let her know or check if she was still there.

He waited impatiently behind another woman as the secretary got her checked in and her insurance information.  His foot was tapping a beat at a speed that would impress Wally.  Finally, the woman stepped away to fill out her forms and Dick rushed up to the counter.  “Hi, I’m here for Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s appointment.”

The secretary raised an eyebrow.  “You must be the boyfriend,” the tone he used to say ‘boyfriend’ indicated to Dick just how badly he had screwed up.  Dick cringed at the thought.  “Her appointment got over about twenty minutes ago.  She already left.”

“Fuck,” Dick grumbled and dropped his head hard on the counter.

The secretary clicked a few buttons on his computer and wrote down an address on a piece of paper.  He slid it across to Dick.  “Good florist.  Really nice flowers and chocolates.”

Dick sighed and took the paper.  “Thank you. I’m sorry.”

The secretary shook his head. “Nothing to apologize to me for.”

Dick nodded in understanding. He couldn’t keep this up.  He knew he couldn’t.  Something had to give.  Marinette wasn’t going to keep forgiving him.  At some point she was going to reach her limit and snap at him.  And he would deserve it.  He wasn’t being fair to her and he knew that.  He wasn’t making the appointments he said he would make. He was leaving at the drop of a hat with little explanation.  

The only explanation he had offered was a lie.  He could alleviate a lot of this by just telling her the truth, telling her who he was, but he didn’t want to do that.  He didn’t want to drag her into this mess, especially with the Court as active as it was.  He didn’t want her worrying unnecessarily or worse yet, getting involved.  He wanted her and the babies as far away as possible from all of this.  The less they knew the better for them.

Dick stopped by the florist and a jeweler and their favorite take out place, making him even later getting home.  When he finally did, he heard the sound of laughter in the apartment.  He pushed his way in to find Marinette sitting on the couch with Jason.

“Hey, Dickhead.  Only,” he pretended to check his non-existent watch, “what? like three hours late.”  He gave Dick a pointed look.

“Yeah, I know.  What are you doing here?”

“You forgot this.  Roy thought you might want it back,” he said waving Dick’s phone in his hand.  “Couldn’t call you to let you know so he called me.  Thought I’d let Pixie Pop know and keep her company until you decided to show up again, hear about the ultrasound.”

“Thank you, Jason,” Dick growled.  He knew he screwed up.  He really, really didn’t need Jason reminding him or getting in his way of apologizing to Marinette, like he knew he needed to.  “I’m here now.”

“Again, only a little late. Mari and I were thinking about watching a movie.  Want to join us?” Jason offered with a snark in his voice.

“Jason…” Dick hissed.

“Jason,” Marinette gave him an exasperated look.

“Fine, whatever.  I’ll go.  Nice talking to you Pixie Pop.  You need anything, let me know.”  He glared at Dick on his way out the door.

Dick sighed and looked down before looking back up at Marinette with the most contrite expression she had ever seen.  “I am so sorry, Marinette.”

“Dick, this is the fourth time you’ve missed or been late for an appointment,” she answered quietly.

“I know,” he looked back to the floor, unable to match her sad gaze.

“If you can’t make them, that’s fine, Dick.  Most partners don’t.  But you keep telling me you can make it then don’t, with no warning.”

“I know,” he repeated, still looking to the floor.

“I asked them to wait for you because I was sure you were going to be there.  You said you wouldn’t miss this one.  I thought you would just be late again.  You promised.”

“I know I did.  I’m so sorry.  I really tried.  I couldn’t get away.  I didn’t want to let you down and I didn’t want to miss seeing my babies.”  

Marinette watched him as he spoke.  His entire body spoke to his remorse, but then again it always did.  He was always sorry when he missed an appointment or a date, when he was late, but then he always did it again.  She sighed and looked down.  She didn’t know what to make of it or how to respond.  She was starting to feel unimportant to him.

“I got these for you. I know they don’t make up for missing yet another appointment after I promised not to, but I thought they might make you happier.”  He held out the flowers for her.  

She took them with a mirthless smile.  “Thanks.”

“And I thought you might be hungry so I got us dinner.  I would have asked what you were in the mood for but,” he motioned toward his phone on the coffee table.  He set the bags on the counter.

“Thanks,” she repeated.

Dick let out a frustrated breath.  He knew he screwed up and didn’t know how to fix it.  The problem was what he already did and he couldn’t change that.  “Marinette, I’m so sorry.  I know I screwed up.  I know that.  I’m going to do everything I can to not repeat it.  I swear to you.  I don’t want to miss any of this.  I don’t want to disappoint you.  I don’t want you to think you can’t trust me.  I’m going to get a calendar and put it right on the refrigerator so I can’t possibly miss it and put every appointment and date on there.”  He took her hands in his and stared in her eyes, “I bought this on my way home to show you how much you mean to me.  How sorry I am.”  He pulled a box out of his pocket and handed it to her.

Marinette gave him an uncertain look but took the box.  She opened it with a gasp.  She took the necklace out of the box to examine it.  “Dick it’s beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you and not enough, I know, but I thought it would look good on you.”

Marinette shook her head and put the necklace back in the box.  “Dick, I don’t need flowers and jewelry.  I need you.  I need to know you’re in this with me, that I matter or lacking that, that at least the babies matter.  I need you to be there when you say you will.”

Dick’s eyes widened at her words.  His heart clenched.  She could not possibly think he wasn’t completely committed to this, to them. “Mari, do you… Mari, you and the twins are the most important things in the world to me.”  He stared at her with an intensity that made her believe him, or at least believe that he believed his words.  “You, this family we are creating, is the most important thing to me. I’ll do anything I have to in order to protect you three.”

Marinette immediately froze and stared at Dick wide eyed.  Her breathing picked up.  She hated those words.  She hated what they excused.  “Dick, what are you protecting us from?  What are you doing?  Is there something I need to know?”

“No,” he answered quickly, a little too quickly to be true.  His voice taking on a soothing tone.  “I just meant you are important to me, the most important thing.” He pulled her into a tight hug.  “Please never doubt that.”

Marinette nodded into his chest.  “Okay. I believe you.”

She didn’t sound entirely sure of her answer, but Dick wasn’t going to question it, he was just going to give her every reason possible to mean it.  “Can you tell me what I missed while I was being an asshole?”

Marinette giggled lightly, still strained but at least it was a move in the right direction, and grabbed two plates.  “Yeah, I can do that.”

Note: For those who don’t follow DC, the teams would frequently call the Robins, including Dick, ‘Rob’ for short.

Chapter 18

Tags:

@dickinette-february @demonicbusiness @ichigorose @iloontjeboontje @ladybug-182 @toodaloo-kangaroo @dast218 @golden-promises @trippingovermyfeet @emimar7 @laurcad123 @lady-bee-fechin

[ultimatetornshipper]

To bee or not to bee - a Jasonette fic

@moonlitceleste I almost let this die, I honestly really wanted it dead but alas it was clearly meant to bee 

(WARNING: contains puns, angst, crack and fluff. You have been warned)

If you don’t want to read my sarcastic/funny/fangirl commentary, skip the brackets

I have another bee movie au, i didn't plan it ("I don't claim to be proud. But my head won't be hung in shame. I didn't plan it. But the light turned red, and I ran it. And I'm still standing. It's not what I wanted, but now that it's right here. I understand it. A story written by my own hand" as quoted from Waitress), it just happened and i just couldn't resist. I'm not sorry

So what if instead of dying Joker turned Jason into a bee. Because Harley convinced him and told him that people were talking shit about him because he's named the Joker and they don't think he's funny. It surprisingly works. (Obviously Harley was the one who made the plan and did the magic I mean really what do u expect of Joker?)

Ok so now Jason’s a bee right? And he’s like 15 because .~:°*plot*°:~.

They look for him and Jason’s like flying around like, “Guys! Guys I’m right here!” Poor kid. (I mean I would make it funny but like angst)

Obviously they don’t understand him because he’s a fucking bee and Joker cackles madly and Harley laughs too but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes and it's kinda that laugh u do when ur supes overwhelmed and sound maniacal but like soft (I’m a simp for Harley being portrayed as the complex and beautiful character she id leave me be)

Jason is very sad. And also quite pissed

Not knowing what else to do he follows Batman home, he listens to them trying to find him, watches Dick freak out and Alfred wipe a tear the rest of the family doesn’t see.

Jason tries to approach Alfred, hoping he somehow recognizes what happened

He doesn’t, Alfred closes him in a glass and paper and takes him outside.

He sneaks back into the manor and sleeps in one of the flowers (it's a red tulip because aesthetic) next to his bed. He cries himself to sleep. (Can bees cry? Is this possible? Is this like a thing??? I don't need sleep i need answers)

The thing is even tho he's now a bee, he still has the durability of a human, so even stepping on him won’t crush him and he still has a human lifespan

Because Harley isn’t a monster and what Puddin didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. (Simping for Harley Quinn strike 2)

After a while at the manor and following them he decides he can’t stand it anymore. Alfred has thrown him out three times and Dick freaks out each time he sees him as he’s a tad allergic (read: he would die if stung)

Which is how Jason found out that getting hit with a newspaper wouldn’t kill him.

He leaves.

He’s a bee and it’s not like he knows about a way to reverse it.

But there was someone who might.

He goes to Arkham.

Luckily, Harley was still there. (YAY we get to see mah gurl)

He flies into her cell and she just watches him, then she seems to click. She gives him a small smile, “Hi birdie,” (she puns, honestly would make for a better clown of Gotham and I saw an idea for that once where she steals Joker’s title once and I’ve been yearning for it ever since)

She holds out a finger and he lands on it, she laughs but tears come to her eyes,” Hey at least you’re not dead. That was his original plan you know? To kill you with a crowbar. I convinced him this would be a cruller fate. I guess maybe it is, but at least this way... Ugh how the hell did I get here,” (Harley angst, honestly it’s all just self service at this point)

He simply stared at her as she cried, and he felt his heart clench. From here she looked so sad... not crazy, just broken.

She took a deep breath and looked at him seriously, “Look kid, there’s a way to get you back to normal, you just need to find someone, they’re called the Guardian of the Miraculous. They can help, I don’t know who or where they are, just follow your instincts. And come say hi when you get back, yeah? I could do with the... healthier company. And remember, I bee-lieve in you,” (Gasp what a shock, you mean to tell me Miraculous magic is gonna be involved in this Maribat au. Well I never what a shock. Also puns. Oh and she’s so nice to him. We love Harley in this house)

He sat there and studied her for a while more, there was more to her than it seemed. Than what he’d assumed.

But for now, he had his own problems to deal with.

She gave him a small wave as he left. (Adorable)

He left and started considering his options, as a bee, it would probably be safest to stay inside, away from birds and things that would view him as a snack.

Staying in Arkham seemed like his best option, as bad an option as it was.

Most of the prisoners wouldn’t have a second thought about trying to crush him.

A strong scent of flowers and plants suddenly came to his attention.

Of course! Poison Ivy. (Round 2 of me simping for beautiful, complex, badass women. Too bad Catwoman ain’t here.)

He followed the smell to her cell and saw her staring out of her small window. He was still taking a chance, but she loved plants and flowers and bees were important to those, weren’t they?

He flew to the window bars and sat on one. The moment she spotted him she smiled widely, in a soft way he hadn’t seen on her before. (Ahhhhh my darling plant redhead. I love writing the Sirens as soft badasses. Also has anyone noticed how rare brunettes are in superhero worlds? Like both in Marvel and DC but like irl brown is like a pretty damn common)

She held out her finger, “Hey there, little guy. A little far from home, aren’t we?”

She had no idea.

He landed on her fingertip and watched in awe as a flower and a few leaves formed on her hand. She let the flower grow itself around one of her window bars and held her finger next to one of the petals.

“There you go, it’s all I can manage with my power dampers. I haven’t had company in a while,” she said softly as he crawled into the flower. He made himself comfortable.

She laughed to herself and he saw her shaking her head, “Talking to a bee, well, I guess stranger things have happened,” (yeah ur crush is dating a green haired murderous psychopath and you get beat up by a billionaire in a batsuit on like a biweekly basis)

The flower was soft and warm and felt safer than he expected it to. He found that he could move between the petals but decided to curl up in the middle. (It's a pink rose this time because fuck yeah flowers)

He slept better than he had in days.

The next morning he took his leave, stopping only at the manor to say a mental goodbye.

Then he headed off.

Jason flew a lot the first few months, our boy was smart at least, travelling with a cruise ship on its way to Europe.

It was Spring in the Northern Hemisphere so he had until Autumn until it was in his best interest to head south to avoid the snow. He decided to head towards Africa when summer started coming to an end. (I have no reasoning for this, just that I want to)

His first spot would be the United Kingdom. Then he'd go through the rest of Europe following his instincts.

At least it was Spring.

Jason diligently searched through England, Scotland and Ireland but found nothing.

By the time he was done he realized it was time to start heading South. He’d decided to take another cruise to South-Africa, where it would be summer, he searched through the country until April. He would admit that he didn’t feel drawn to anything in any of their 9 provinces so his search wasn’t as diligent as in England. He didn’t feel anymore drawn to the neighbouring countries like Namibia or Botswana either.

(Once again no reasoning for why I picked these countries, I mean the French Hugonotes went there when they were fleeing from the French Catholics who wanted them dead so I guess I could make up some bullshit about Mari having an ancestor in common with someone there or maybe it was just the ship he could easiest get access I don’t know, you make something up)

Which was why he decided to go back to Europe as soon as April hit.

He hitched another ride on a cruise headed for France.

It’s been a year since he got turned into a damn bee.

He was sixteen now and while he’d seen some amazing things all through South-Africa (a place that proves that humans really do have a weirdly obvious way of naming things I mean the Amazon river and Chad Lake are just more examples really) as well as the United Kingdom, all he really wanted was to go back home, to be human again.

When he gets there he diligently makes his way through France, eventually arriving in Paris.

He lands on the tip top of the Eiffel Tower. As in the point of the antenna because why not.

During his year he realized that birds and other animals tended to avoid him, sensing his strangeness so that was at least one positive.

He stared out over the city. Well, the one good thing about this was definitely the views he’s been allowed to see.

That was until a massive explosion hit.

“What the fuck?” he said out loud, searching for the source. No one understood him, human or bee, but talking to himself reminded him of his humanity.

He found the source of the explosion but just as he started flying to its general direction, a blinding white light shone followed by a horde of ladybugs that were fixing everything that was wrong. (Imagine how scary this would lowkey be irl tho? Just a shit ton of Ladybugs descending on Paris my dude)

He decided that he needed a night’s sleep before he could even begin an attempt at deciphering what had just happened. He flew lower, finding a nice little balcony right above a bakery. And it had flowers. (I’ll give u five seconds to guess who this balcony belongs to)

He flew down, exploring.

He turned around when he heard a loud thump from behind him. What appeared to be a super heroine in red spandex with black spots had landed on the balcony.

She detransformed and started to talking to a floating bug- fairy thing. Strange. Though it wasn’t like he could judge, as an ex superhero sidekick who was thought to be dead but was actually a bee.

She disappeared down her trapdoor and he made himself comfortable in one of her flowers.

He slept soundly until somewhere during a night another thump woke him. He looked out of his sleeping spot to see a cat superhero stand on her balcony. He leaned down and knocked on her small trapdoor.

Ah, a teammate of hers, they were probably meeting about something, he thought as he heard her open up.

It didn’t take him long to realize that even though they were teammates, the cat, Chat Noir he later learned, was not aware of this fact.

Oh this was rich.

He couldn’t bee-lieve his eyes. (ok so Jason used self-referential puns but can you really blame him? It’s really just me and my pun problem so don’t blame the kid)

He was going on and on about his feelings for Ladybug, the girl’s hero form, that were clashing with his feelings for another girl he fenced with, while she listened, clearly fed up with it.

He also claimed that he thought that maybe they were one and the same. Which, to Jason, was hilarious as he was literally saying this to the actual Ladybug’s face.

Marinette- he learned from the Cat’s ongoing blabbering, he was a real blab-bee mouth, - was clearly tired, nodding half asleep, probably having heard it all before.

When he finally left Jason went to sleep again, incredibly amused and even more thankful that he was fluent in French. ( u think this is plot convenience? Just u wait mah dude iz about to get worse)

The next morning he decided to follow her to school. Which was how he learned of her huge crush on a boy named Adrien Agreste.

After learning the boy could fence thanks to Marinette’s obsession interest in him, he got suspicious.

Could it really bee? (not a typo)

After seeing the boy transform a month or two later for patrol he laughed like he hadn’t for over a year. It very much was. He'd spent the time staying on Marinette's balcony and decided to stay another week before moving on and continuing his search, after all, he couldn't stop now that he finally felt like he was getting close.

The next day she got home crying, claiming that Adrien had started dating someone else.

Kagami, she called the girl. Probably the fencer if he had to place a bet.

“I’m sorry, Marinette,” Tikki told the girl.

“That boy's an idiot,” he said, speaking his mind, another thing he’d gotten use to being allowed to do without consequence.

Marinette nearly jumped out of her skin, she looked around and he realized that she could hear him. He hadn’t really spoken too much before, at least not when she was around. He was usually content with watching her do whatever she was doing that day.

“Tikki, did you hear that?” she asked, Tikki nodded, her eyes landing on him.

“Oh,” the kwami said softly, flying over to him, “Oh, you poor thing, who did this to you?” (Tikki is the first ever mom friend and u can fight me on this)

He stared up at her, flying so that they were eye level.

Marinette gaped at them, heartbreak seemingly forgotten, “Tik- Tikki, are- who are you talking- are you talking to a – Tikki is that a bee?!” she finally spluttered out.

“No,” Tikki said, studying him, he felt his heart twist in hope and his stomach roll in surprise. Did she know?

“I mean yes, but no. He’s a boy whose been turned into a bee,” Tikki explained, turning back to Marinette.

“Oh,” Marinette said softly, turning to him. She held her hand out and after some hesitation he landed on her finger. She looked at him then back to Tikki.

How did they know? Would he really be that lucky? Was this real?

“Uhm, how?” she said, staring at him in disbelief. He tried shrugging but realized he couldn’t anymore- beecause of his- well if you haven’t caught on to the fact that he’s a bee by now you should really start from the beginning of this story.

“I don’t know, but Joker and Harley Quinn were involved,” he said.

Marinette stared at him in disbelief, blinking a few times. She sat in shock a few moments longer. (Our darling is an awkward lil bean, and while in media awkward is portrayed as cute, irl it isn’t, it’s just well… awkward. And we’re writing a serious and realistic fic about this sidekick of guy who wears a batsuit/billionaire's ward getting turned into a bee and falling in love with a magical girl fighting a butterfly man- none of this unrealistic nonsense)

Tikki flew over and sat on Marinette’s shoulder while her holder processed the information, the kwami stared at him sweetly, “What’s your name?”

He swallowed, he hadn’t said his name in ages, it stirred up something (emotion, it’s called emotion, Jason, you know? The thing Batman can’t process??) in him, “Jason Todd,”

Marinette seemed to finally snap out of her daze, “That sounds American. Are you American? Wait if Joker and Harley are involved then you’re probably from Gotham. Are you? Wait I’ve seen the name Jason Todd somewhere. Weren’t you some rich guy’s ward? It was all over the news last year, Alya wouldn’t stop talking about it for a month, she had a million theories. He was – you were announced dead two months after Robin was taken captive by Joker, everyone thought he was – you were killed. Joker made outrageous claims as they arrested him... saying that they’d never find Robin... that he’d all but disappeared in thin air... that he wouldn’t be the only one wearing stripes... I remember because he put a really weird emphasis on the words be and stripes and...,” her eyes widened and she gasped as she looked at him in what could only be described as pure shock. (Yes this happens, people can talk for this long and since I personally know headcannon that Marinette is ADHD this long ass paragraph is just another Tuesday bud)

He sat there, surprised that she figured it all out so quickly. (yeah bub it’s called plot convenience and it’s because of me, the writer, I don’t wanna focus on secret ID shenanigans, I got other plans for yall, also Mari is smart, don’t underestimate her)

“You’re Robin,” she breathed, “they turned you into a bee. Wait- How the hell did they turn you into a bee?!”

He chuckled, “Bee-lieve me I’ve been asking myself that question for more than a year,”

She bit her lip, seemingly contemplating his words and ignoring his pun, “Tikki do you know anything that could help? Do you think Miraculous magic-,”

He felt his heart stop, he flew up to her face, flying at eye level, “Wait, did you just say Miraculous? Harley said if I could find the Guardian of the miraculous, they could help me, do you know where they are? I’ve been looking for so long,” (‘°;~*.plot convenience.*~;°’)

Marinette blinked at him and Tikki's face dawned with realization.

“I’m the guardian of the miraculous,” Marinette said softly, “Tikki, that means I can help him, right?”

Tikki nodded and he had to dial down the hope in his heart because the look on her face told him there was a Kim Kardashian sized butt on the way.

“We can help him, but we’re gonna have to wait. (don’t look at me like that, do u want them to have time to bond or not?) You’re not trained enough to pull it off yet. If you were to do it now, all three of us would be out of commission for far too long, especially with Hawkmoth on the prowl,” Tikki said.

They must’ve been able to sense his sadness because they were staring at him with an incredible amount of pity. The amount was quite unsettling actually and he suddenly felt a primal like urge to pun. (An extract from my book: “My unhealthy coping mechanisms and how to use them,” specifically Chapter 8: “Humor hides the pain”)

Suddenly Tikki’s face lit up, the whiplash of her expression change throwing any notion of punning out the window.

“Well, there’s one thing we could do,” she said, excitedly, zipping buzzing around “If he wears a miraculous, he'll return back to human form while transformed,”

Marinette perked up at the idea, but confusion soon overtook her features, “But Tikki, most of the miraculous are bigger than he is,”

Tikki waved her away,” It’s fine it’ll work,”

“Ok,” Marinette said after a bit of thought. She stood and he followed while she started climbing down her skylight,” I’m thinking you can try each of them out for different patrols and then we’ll see which one matches you best. This could be fun, having some fun sized company while figuring out how to defeat Hawkmoth,”

He laughed, flying near her ear, “Fun sized, huh? I’ll have you know I’m considered tall in human form, unlike some of us,”

She laughed and rolled her still tear stained eyes, and so, the beginning of a bee-autiful friendship bloomed.

Marinette walked to her closet and Jason took in her room. It was very pink, but in a well-balanced way - it wasn’t completely overbearing. His eye caught on a few pictures of Adrien Agreste on her wall but figured now wouldn’t be a great time to bring it up. (Look he’s already more emotionally aware, #foreshadowing of character development)

She removed a big box from her closet. She opened it and it was filled with what appeared to be a bunch of scrap materials. At the bottom she removed a bigger bundle of black and red fabric and he flew closer.

She put it in her lap and Jason had to do a double take when he realized that her hands were glowing and what the actual fuck- it was a box now -fuck fuck fuck- why was it a box? How? What- Jason was pretty sure he did not sign up for this.

She put the box down in front of her and to his relief she opened her mouth to speak as she lifted the lid, so he’d understand everyth- and its jewellery.

The box contained jewellery. Animal themed jewellery by the looks of things.

He then realized that these were probably the other miraculous.

She looked over each artefact before handing him the yellow and black hairclip.

Out of all of them, she picked the bee miraculous.

“Hilarious,” he replied dryly, giving her a look, he realized too late she wouldn’t be able to register- on account of, well you know… (if u don’t know by now, you don’t get to find out anymore)

She gave him a grin and replied, “I certainly think it is,”

Her teasing expression turned into one of worry, “I mean we could switch it out if it makes you uncomfortable-,” (being a sassy people pleaser with no filters really do be like this tho)

He laughed, “Don’t worry, I’m only teasing. What do I do?”

Marinette opened her mouth to answer before obviously realizing that she didn’t have an answer. She turned to Tikki and the kwami had a fond smile on her face before turning to Jason. (Just Tikki casually mentor- moming Mari because Fu is useless)

“Just step on the miraculous, it’ll sense that you’re human,” the creature replied.

When he stepped onto the bee miraculous, its kwami appeared.

Pollen stared at him for a few seconds before she realized what was happening.

After an explanation about her power set and what exactly he could do in suit, he transformed.

He felt his human body appearing. He was taller and more built than he remembered being. His flying clearly had physical consequences then, not that he was complaining.

His suit included a pair of bee wings. His hair was longer than he remembered it being too.

He had a black leather jacket and combat boots. With it was a pair of practical black leggings and a yellow t-shirt with three thick black stripes. (The three stripes represent each one of his families, the Todds, the Waynes and The Dupain-Chengs, because I can) He also had a pair of black gloves. His boots had yellow laces. On his face was a black and yellow striped domino mask. The top sat on his hip. The bee miraculous sat on the middle of his chest in the form of a broach.

He all but sprinted to the mirror. He stared at his face, his blue eyes and his nose that never healed quite right after breaking it that one time. His black hair was messy and stuck up every which way, his cheekbones were as high as always, and he had a little bit of stubble and it was so familiar and so new all at once.

He touched his face, barely registering the tears flowing down his cheeks and laughed in relief. He was human again. This was real! He could- he was closer to normal than he ever thought he’d get to be.

He turned to Marinette who was staring up at him in shock. He picked her up and spun her around, laughing in joy. And after a moment she joined in. He put her down and put his hands on her shoulders, smiling widely, “Thank you. Thank you so much,”

She smiled up at him, a slightly sad look on her face, “I’m sorry, it’s not permanent,”

“Don’t be sorry. For the first time I have hope. It will be permanent eventually, and till then, I have you with me, right?” he squeezed her shoulder, still high on the feeling of hope and warmth and familiarity.

When he was overcome with the sudden urge to pull her into a hug, he didn’t resist.

He held her close, resting his chin on her head, “Damn, I missed this. Hugging, I mean. I haven’t... it’s been so long,” (not that he got all that many hugs from Bruce “emotionally constipated” Wayne)

She wrapped her arms around him, “I can imagine,”

They stood there a while before the time for patrol came along. She transformed and they made their way to the Eiffel tower, where they met Chat.

The cat themed hero rose his brow questioningly, “I thought we didn’t recruit new heroes unless it was an emergency?”

Ladybug smiled nonchalantly, “It’s Guardian business, he’s gonna be a permanent fixture in our team for at least a few months so we might as well get used to working as a team,”

Chat Noir eyed him wearily and he stepped forward, sticking his hand out, “Hi, I’m Blackback, nice to meet you,”

Chat Noir shook his hand and gave Ladybug a sceptical look, “An American? Really?”

“Please Chat, he's not American, it’s just the glamour hiding his actual accent,” she replied simply, shooting Jason a worried look.

He couldn’t give away his identity, but he was also technically a bee, he didn’t really have an identity to give away. So, her behaviour was strange. Unless she wanted to give him an identity somehow?

He couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of patrol.

When they got home Marinette revealed that she wanted to give him the fox miraculous. If they asked Trixx she would be able to design the costume in a way that allowed him to look like a normal civilian, without the mask.

Trixx's glamour was also stronger than the rest so his true identity as Jason Todd would be protected.

And she could help him fake an accent.

Since Marinette was a year younger than him he could just pick up where he left off school wise.

She convinced her parents that he was an exchange student in desperate need of a place to stay because the person he would’ve stayed with backed out last minute.

They agreed easily and Jason decided to not question it.

It was his third family. His second if you only counted non abusive ones. First if you wanted one with a healthy family dynamic.

They got him a fake birth certificate and name. He went with the alias Thomas Grayson. He thought it was kind of funny, and it paid homage to both Bruce and Dick. It gave him something from home to hold on to. (Jason isn’t really salty about not being avenged in this au, he didn’t die and Talia and the pit madness wasn’t there to egg on his anger. But maybe if I ever get back to this au we could do a thing with it… guess we’ll have to wait and see ;-) no promises tho)

He built himself another home with Marinette and her family. And before he knew it, he was happy again. He felt secure.

Through the weeks, he ingrained himself into Marinette's life. In a blink of an eye, they were best friends, and he couldn’t imagine life without her.

He loved living with her family as she trained to be strong enough to turn him back to normal.

He grew close to Marinette’s friends and was her shoulder to cry on about Adrien. He and Adrien got along pretty well, and he and Marc and Rose traded Literature jokes. Max would join in when it involved Shakespeare.

Then Lila happened. (She’s a staple in Maribat fiction. U can’t have Maribat without Lila. Or well u can but that’s usually a very specific au)

Her lies started out simple enough. Then she started manipulating everyone and he, Marinette, Chloe and Adrien were one scheme away from being ostracized. They sat in the back row.

They ignored her sneers and let her lie to her heart’s content. Then one day she said something that made both Marinette and Jason freeze.

“You know, I was childhood friends with Jason Todd (I know she usually gets the names wrong but like her knowing the name just makes this next bit better) You know, Bruce Wayne’s ward who died a while ago? It was just so sad. He grew up in a nice family but his parents both died in a car accident and Brucie took pity on him. He even let us keep in contact afterwards, since our parents were such good friends. We all miss them dearly of course. We were neighbours the year we lived in Gotham, you know? We'd play every day-,” she started fake crying, “Oh it just gets too much sometimes,”

But to Jason’s shock Alya didn’t move to console Lila, in fact, she was staring at the brunette in shock.

He turned his gaze to Marinette to see the girl wearing the biggest, coldest, most satisfied smirk. She rested her chin on her hands and grinned at Lila in a way that made shivers go down his spine.

He turned back, this ought to be good.

And it was.

Alya absolutely lost it.

She ripped Lila a new one and frankly? Jason was impressed. (Alya has a temper and she’s a fangirl, and we all know how we get when someone gets something wrong about one of our hyperfixations, even if it’s an old one so like yall can imagine how bad Lila had fucked up)

When an akuma flew in towards Lila, Alya grabbed it, staring the girl down with a fury he didn’t know she could possess, “Don’t you dare! Do you think I’m blind? I’ve seen how easily you get akumatized and this time I’m not letting it happen!”

Of course, Alya then got akumatized but hey it beat another version of Lila.

Everyone made up but they weren’t quite as close as before. Their group tended to consist mostly out of him, Marinette, Chloe, Adrien, Kagami and Luka.

Other than that incident and akuma attacks, life was pretty good.

In fact, it was great.

He and Marinette would spend nights on her balcony, laughing and slow dancing. They star gazed and went on patrols. He helped her when she got nightmares and she returned the favour. They went on long walks and spent the holidays together. They crammed for tests and he played model for her designs. They worked in the bakery and hung out with their friends both in and out of suit. They’d joke about his technical bee-ness and he and Chat drove her mad with puns. In retaliation she’d introduce him as her bee friend to people or only give him honey and bee themed things. (ok this sentence sounds weird but I mean like when she brings them sweets from the bakery to snack on while working and stuff.)

And one laugh, memory and fight at a time, he started to fall. (I just want good things for Jason, and really can you blame me?)

Through the months, he kept up to date on the news about Bruce Wayne and Marinette held his hand each time a new kid joined his brood. She reminded him that no child could be replaced and reassured him that of course Bruce would want him back when they figured everything out.

And if he didn’t, she’d kick his ass into space, and he’d stay with her family in Paris- a family she made sure he knew he was a part of.

He helped Sabine in the kitchen and was the only one who came closest to beating Marinette’s Ultimate Mega Strike 3 record. Tom taught him to shave and bake. He was integrated into their family and they treated him as part of the family.

But even if they were giving him everything they were, he missed Bruce. And Dick. And Alfred. And Barbara. And Gotham. He missed them all so much. He missed home.

So, 14 months later, when Marinette told him they had a meeting with the Justice League about the Hawkmoth situation, Jason felt his heart skip a beat.

“What?” he asked softly, his eyes brimming with tears (Marinette taught him how to emotion, you see. So Jason is emotionally stable-ish enough to cry without feeling embarrassed about it), “I get to see him again?”

Marinette nodded and hugged him from behind, “I’m planning on telling him what happened. Is there anything you can tell him to verify who you are?”

Memories from a million years ago entered his mind, “Yes,”

She took his hand and took a step back, “And I think I can fix you before we go, I’m strong enough. But I’d still like your help in the final battle, I mean I know you’re going home but...,”

He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiled, “Of course, Pixie. I’ll always be there for you when you need me,”

He pressed a kiss against her forehead, a movement so familiar it was practically a part of him. He pulled her close and cried into her hair.

“What if he doesn’t believe me?” he asked softly, after a while, resting his chin on top of her head.

“He will,” she replied, tightening her grip around his waist.

They both knew she had no guarantee of that. That she had no way of knowing for sure. Neither of them did.  And it scared him more than he wanted to admit.

The next day they do the magic turning back thing. It freaks him out quite a bit but not as much as her revealing the miraculous freaked him out the first time, you get kinda used to the magic shenaniganary. They’re both passed out for an hour afterwards and when they wake up, he holds her, crying, because he was finally, finally back to normal and this was real and permanent, and it was over.

She cried with him and held him, and they then went out and he wore a shirt she made for him, and they got ice cream the next day. They celebrated some more and went to the park with the squad and they had a picnic.

It was better than he ever could've imagined.

While the sun was setting, they stood back on her balcony, where they first spoke all those months ago, slow dancing. He pulled away and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled at her as the orange light of the sunset shone on them. (So aesthetic)

“Thank you, Marinette, for everything,” he says as he rubs his thumb across her cheek. His hand holding her face. She puts her hand over his and closes her eyes, savouring the moment.

She opened her eyes again and smiled, “I’d do it again and more, if it meant I’d get to be with you,”

He started leaning down, “If I lost you, I’d fly all over the world just to find you again,”

She raised to her tip toes, faces millimetres from one another, blue bells meeting ice, “So it was all worth it in the end?”

He moves closer, eyes searching hers. “Definitely,” he breathes.

She closes the distance, and he picks her up and spins her around. They break apart and their laughter fills the air.

(now that’s enough fluff, allow me to drown you in angst)

The next day they stood on the Eiffel tower. She took his hand, “Let’s recap. I go in, we have our Hawkmoth meeting, then I ask if I can speak to Batman and Nightwing alone. Then I tell them I found you, then I give them – are you sure it’s necessary for me to give them your blood, hair and a cheek swab? Isn’t that overkill?” (Batman is serious about his no kill rule, but he’s also serious about his there’s no such thing as overkill rule)

He shook his head and she sighed, “Okay. Then I give him means to contact me and I come back. Now remember they might take a while to process and they won’t necessarily call immediately-,”

“What if they never call?” he asked, gripping her hand tightly.

She ran her finger softly through his hair, “Then you have us to help you get through it,”

He nodded, she kissed his cheek and stepped through the portal with Queen Bee, Chat Noir and Viperion. He and Ryuuko stayed behind as backup, he wielded the Fox miraculous these days, but kept the name Blackback, always wearing a black leather jacket no matter the transformation.

He and Ryuko discussed fighting styles, she was kindly trying to distract him, and if it had been anything else he needed distracting from, it would’ve worked.

So passed the slowest forty-five minutes of his life. Chat Noir and Queen Bee exit a portal and so the wait for Marinette and Luka began.

She and Bruce were talking now. Bruce would know he was alive. This was make or break for him. Luka was nearby to act as back up worst-case scenario.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, followed by someone taking and rubbing circles on his back. He looked down to see Ryuuko on his one side and saw Chat Noir on his other.

“We’ve got you,” Chloe said standing in front of him, hand on his unoccupied shoulder.

He swallowed and nodded. She squeezed his upper arm and met his gaze, “Breathe, you’re safe, honey,”

So, 30 more minutes pass. They sit down and somewhere along the line Chat goes and grabs a dozen croissants from the bakery.

In another situation he might’ve laughed. He’d baked this morning’s batch and now he got to eat some of it for free, of course, technically he could get others for free too but-

The portal opened behind them and Ladybug and Viperion stepped out. He noted that she didn’t have the bag of his DNA with her anymore.

She smiled softly at him, “Now we wait,”

And wait they did.

They waited two weeks.

And then the burner phone that's number they'd given Bruce rang.

Jason froze, Marinette jumped up and ran to get it.

He couldn't move as she walked over and put the phone on speaker, she grabbed his hand and he held onto her for dear life.

"We can both hear you now, Nightwing," she said.

There was a beat of silence on the other side of the line, "Can he- If you're- can I speak to him? In- um- private?"

Marinette looked at him, and he nodded. She took the phone off speaker and handed it to him.

He held it up to his ear and squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on the circles Marinette were drawing on his hand with her thumb.

"He- hey Dick," he said. He heard his brother's breathing hitch, followed by a few seconds of silence.

"When did Batman find you?"

"25th May 2017,"

"Who's your favourite author?"

"Mary Shelley tied with Jane Austin,” he replied.

Dick stayed silent for too long and before he could stop himself the words fell from his mouth, desperation clinging to each syllable,” My favourite- my favourite playwright is Shakespeare, and my favourite school subject is English. If I could pick any day job it would be being a writer. My favourite colour is blue. Alfred has a secret fear of dolphins. You have had a ridiculously huge crush on Barbara for years and she had no idea, and I found a picture you drew under your old room's bedside table of you two getting married. I folded the picture up and hid it in a small box of memories I kept in the farthest corner of my closet under clothes I never wore. I have a round scar on the lower left side of my back where Willis Todd burned me with a cigarette when I was 5 that you don’t know I know you know about. My first Christmas at the manor you found me in the rose garden cutting a few off to take to my mother's grave and I was terrified that you would yell at me but instead you drove me to the graveyard and that was the day I decided to give you a real chance. I despise carrots but I eat them when Alfred makes them because I don't want to be a burden. And I-," he choked on a sob- when had he started crying?

He took a shuddering breath, and swallowed some of his tears, trying to make sure the words got out right, "I've missed you guys for every single second that I've been gone,"

His stomach tied itself up in a million knots as the silence stretched on. He could hear Dick moving the phone.

"Can I speak to Ladybug again please?" A female voice he didn't recognize said.

He handed the phone to Marinette and pressed his hand over his mouth to try to contain the sobs. He felt like a knife was twisting his stomach. He couldn't even hear what Marinette was saying. (I’m going through something irl and as a result u guys get to read angst by the bucketloads and I regret nothing)

Dick didn't want to talk to him. He should've just answered the question, he shouldn't have given all the extra information. Now they were never going to believe that it's really him and he would never see them again. Maybe they knew it was him and they just didn't want him-

"Jason, breathe with me," he heard Marinette's voice. His eyes latched onto hers like a lifeline, he became aware of her hands holding his.

She took his face in her hands and rested her forehead against his, in a motion so familiar that it came as easy as breathing. Well as easy as it usually was to breathe, right now excluded.

After he calmed down, she explained to him what they discussed. They would go to Gotham and meet and discuss things from there.

They wanted to meet him, but they still didn’t completely believe that it was him. He knew this for a fact because they had organized for M’gann to be there to confirm what he was saying. (Yassss M'gann my darling girl, I adore out lil Martian)

Marinette had suggested that they meet in the Batcave in an hour. Everyone had agreed. He assumed she had a plan as to why she wanted to wait. And he trusted her, so he waited for her to explain.

“I want to take the team, as backup. If you’re not comfortable with it, I want to at least take Luka. I would suggest just letting one of us wield is miraculous, but his Second Chance Timer limit is an hour so it would be most beneficial,” she said, gesturing with the hand that wasn’t holding his.

He nodded, sitting up straighter, but not releasing his grip on her hand, “We can bring the team, it’s smart to have backup. Besides if things go haywire, we have Luka to stop us.”

“Then let’s go get our team, love,”

(oh, I should probably mention that only he and LB knows everyone’s Identities. Or well rather no one knows like officially. Like everyone lowkey knows everyone's and a few of them have officially revealed themselves to each other, but not everyone is officially revealed to everyone and Mari and Jason are the only ones who aren’t officially revealed to anyone else, it’s kinda like the vibes of knowing your best friend is queer but not saying anything because they haven’t officially come out yet but like you know because they ain’t nearly as subtle as they think. Like that aesthetic.)

Anyway, 50 minutes later, they’re all gathered on the Eiffel Tower. Jason saw Marinette give Luka a nod to reset his timer. Suddenly he was enveloped in a light with a scratch that wasn’t there a few seconds before on his cheek, his expression quite annoyed.

Marinette immediately furrowed her brows, “How many times?”

Viperion shook his head, “Don’t worry, only one so far, but they try to restrain us. We’re gonna have to try plan b this time,” Everyone nodded, they waited two minutes before the agreed upon time and Mari opened a portal, but instead of appearing out in the opened, they hid in the shadowy parts of the cave.

Jason used his illusion to hide them from any observant eyes and they spread out a bit. He and Mari stayed together, Cloe flew to get a higher perspective and hide Viperion on one of the cave’s many ledges while Chat just moved a few feet away to have a slightly different hiding spot. Kagami dropped into her wind form and was flying above them to eavesdrop, she’d go to Luka if she heard anything of importance so he could go restart again.

They’d be one step ahead of the Bats no matter what they pulled, after all, they had all the time in the world.

They watched them all get into position as time neared. Jason didn’t know all the kids but recognized them from the news.

Dick, Bruce and M’gann stood near the bat computer with Barbara – who was in a wheelchair but that was a realization to deal with later- and Alfred.

The minute they were supposed to appear Jason cast another illusion to make it appear as though they had arrived. As expected, weapons and restraints immediately swarmed on them, each kid going for a different miraculous member. Too bad the images turned into orange dust as soon as they touched them.

The tiny one in the Robin uniform was red in the face and immediately started throwing a tantrum, “Father! They’ve tricked us-,”

Before he could get another word out, Chloe mass-venomed the horde of kids that we’re sent to attack them. He counted Black bat, Red Robin, Batgirl, Signal and Robin. They were all frozen in the middle of the room and before the others near the computer could move, Kagami trapped them in a (rather large) ring of fire. They had enough space to move around comfortably but if they tried approaching the edge the flames would grow larger.

Batman growled and his eyes searched through the cave, but he wouldn’t see them, no matter how hard he searched.

Jason stared at them. Dick was also searching the cave, but he seemed to look more hopeful than angry. Alfred seemed his usual calm self and Barbara was glancing around the cave more subtly. He didn’t bother looking at the rest of the batkids because M’gann was staring right at him, staying right where she was despite her ability to fly.

“Hi, Jason,” she softly spoke into his mind, he felt emotion overwhelm him, she’d known him before everything, and she knew it was him and it was a lot.

He knew she wasn’t probing around his brain for information like he was sure Bruce had asked her to, she didn’t have to, she knew it was him.

“Can you please tell me why we’re surrounded by fire?” she asked.

“We have a time traveller,” he replied.

“Ah, not a fan of Bruce’s restrain and question method, then? Can’t say I blame you, though I do think you’ve proven your point,”

“You really think it’s a good idea to release all of them?” he asked sceptically.

“… Good point. Maybe leave the brood in the middle in whatever frozen state they’re in and just let us in the fire out. They really just think it’s too good to be true… Jason, I won’t let them hurt you,”

“Okay,” he agreed softly. He turned to Marinette and gave her a slight nod. She returned with one of her own.

They walked over to Kagami’s ring of fire and he held their illusion until they were right in front of it. He held on to it for a bit to make sure everyone else would be able to stay in position. Chloe would keep the cavalry venomized and Chat and Viperion would stick to the shadows, unless necessary.

Jason dropped the illusion and watched four heads snap to him. M'gann simply gave him a soft smile and a nod of encouragement.

Kagami moved herself to stand next to Marinette and turned back into her human form, glaring at them with a silent warning.

Their attention was elsewhere, though. For a long time they just stood there and stared at one another in silence. They studied every part of one another they could see.

His eyes caught on Barbara’s wheelchair and he felt ready to destroy whatever put her there. She met his eyes and he held her gaze. She must’ve seen something there because she gave a small smile as she allowed a few tears to escape her eyes.

“Miss Martian?” Batman broke the silence like a cheap dinner plate, shattering it in a matter of seconds.

“It’s him,” M’gann answered without a hint of hesitation.

It was Alfred that moved first. He took a few hesitant steps towards him and before Jason knew it the man was in front of him. Alfred reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, desperately studying him for a moment before pulling him into a hug only Alfred could give.

It took Jason a moment to respond but when he did he returned it wholeheartedly.

After a few minutes they pulled apart and it took him a moment to realize that they’d both started crying. When he looked up Dick was only a few feet away. The moment Alfred stepped away Dick pulled him close.

“I thought you were dead, kid. I thought I’d never see you again, I thought I lost even more family. You were too young, too innocent. Fuck Jason,” Dick whispered, tightening his grip, “I’m so glad you’re alive,”

Jason held on to his brother and that night they cried about terrible endings and broken beginnings. They cried about lost time and found family.

It wasn’t the end yet, Hawkmoth was still terrorizing Paris and he had no idea what Bruce thought yet. There were all his other kids, his brothers and sisters. There were his teammates and the incredible story of how he’d been turned into a bee of all things.

They had a lot of catching up to do.

But just for a moment, a strand of a singular moment, he had his brother in his arms again and he was back home. His first real home.

Things weren’t perfect, as things rarely are but it didn’t matter. Because part of the beauty of life is how it builds and breaks us in a cycle of love and loss.

And that night they laughed with a lightness and joy none of them had fully been able to hold onto in years.

 I hope you guys enjoyed!

This is lowkey totally gonna be the au I go to when I don’t know what to write lol, maybe write a bit of what happens afterwards or a part of everything during the year he lived with Mari them or just y’know shenanigans

[wearehuman-after-all]

Daft Punk Interview on Radio Nova in 2013 Part.1 - Translated

Before they broadcasted the interview the Radio nova guy said that they brought their own records that they used to use during their live performances in the 90s, and according to him they were really damaged and worn out. (Just thought it was an interesting detail)

The audio stops kind of weirdly but it’s because they suddenly played a song right in the middle of the interview so I cut it out the best as I could x)

As always Thomas is talking a lot and saying a lot of technical stuff so I tried my best to translate everything correctly :x

Translation under the cut

Radio Nova: Hello everyone, we are together like every evening from 8pm to 9pm on Radio Nova with, this evening, two, three guests in fact, a little different from the usual - that being said you can come back anytime you want if you want to be regular journalists on this program – so in the table order: Thomas Bangalter, good evening

Thomas: Good evening David

Radio Nova: Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo, good evening

Guy-Man: Good evening David

RN: And Mr. DJ Falcon, Stéphane Quême, good evening

DJ Falcon: Good evening David            

RN: So that makes 2 Daft Punks and one collaborator of this album [RAM] which came out like..? Do you already know exactly when?

Thomas: Around one month ago

Guy-Man: *at the same time as Thomas* One month

RN: Do you remember your first interview on Radio Nova? it was in a different studio

Thomas: It was… Yeah it wasn’t very far away from here in the area, a little bit far away in time actually

RN: Yeah that’s it, it’s been more than 10 years but I-..

Thomas: Wait, it’s a lot more than that-…

RN: A lot more? What do you mean? 95?

Thomas: Uuh yeah 95, or 94.. Uh yeah 18 years

RN: And if I’m not mistaken it was- I would have loved it to be me on the first interview but it wasn’t me, it was Ariel wasn’t it? Wasn’t it “La Grosse Boule”? [another program on Radio Nova] Wasn’t it with Ariel Wizman, the very first interview?

Thomas: It must have been Ariel and Edouard yeah

RN: Alright, well. So what’s funny is that we’re recording this in the afternoon, it’s exactly, for the fans who want to know, it’s 4:03 precisely on this 18th June, so we’re gonna broadcast it tonight, it’s the “Appeal of 18 June”. So what’s quite funny is that here no one knows about it, we did it the anonymous way obviously we tried not to tell anyone about it, I don’t know if you’ve seen it but I wrote on the whiteboard “Mad Mods” one week ago to see if anyone would see the pun but no one has found the Mad Mods/Daft Punk pun yet. I’m gonna start with a serious question in order to embarrass you from the beginning with a serious question. What’s quite funny is that on lots of stuff that one says – well there’s still a musical achievement that is to say, 15 years ago with techno and electro music especially in France where it wasn’t very well known and now we see what it has become nowadays- however there’s one thing that you have done, and I remember that at the time we were talking about it, we imagined that the future would be a little bit like that, but actually you’re finding yourselves a bit alone in this matter, it’s anonymity. That is to say, we imagined ourselves, correct me if I’m wrong, in a kind of techno culture where we were with white labels, with Underground Resistance, with people who tried not to show their faces too much, that’s something that you have really respected until you created the robot characters, and then at the moment you create the robots, what’s showing up? On Tv, Star Academy [the French version of the British program Fame Academy]. The antithesis of this search of anonymity that we could have imagined in the future, or we can talk about Justice, they’re your friends also, nowadays it’s a group who show their faces all the time, basically the antithesis of what you can do about anonymity…..and bam

Thomas: Uh well, this doesn’t embarrass us.. I think there are two different things actually, at the beginning we really captured this era at that time of Underground Resistance, the white label stuff, raves, the “no logo” side of the 90s and actually we hid ourselves a little bit using masks, I remember that every time we were doing photos, we arrived in a city and we knew we had to do photos so we asked the address of the joke shop or the disguise shop

RN: It was the first photos that you sent to the press yeah

Thomas: Yeah that’s it, it was the first photos and uh.. In Tokyo there was more choice, there was a shop called Tokyo ???, that still exists, that is a kind of big shop like that, but to begin with, it was a little bit of activism and a way to release a disc like Homework and we didn’t want to show our faces uh and then the robot story is already an evolution in the idea of wanting to create characters, and at that time to try to-… It’s more like glam, or maybe something that was precursor or maybe a bit futuristic to say “hey it’s fun to create virtual characters and characters at the limit between reality and fiction” you know? But what’s-... the ironic thing in that, in what you say about reality TV and all these TV shows, it’s really the plot of Interstella which is the anime that we made in Japan, about this group who’s captured from another planet and who arrives-… and with all of this media coverage and this manipulation a bit diabolical of the system, and this story, we wrote it with Guy-Manuel and Cedric Hervet who we’re working with, between 99 and 2000 and it’s true that all this reality TV came a little bit after so the connection between the two things is quite intriguing… And for the rest, we didn’t imagine that we would still be here today I think, it’s mainly that, when we started in 95 we maybe didn’t think that we would make 4 albums, we didn’t think that we would be robots like this 18 years later

RN: But did you imagine that the time would still be a bit different, that we would abandon the star system a bit, because there was the “anti-rock” side and all of that and well as it happens it has failed, we’re still in depth in this system.. It’s not to quote Nabilla [a reality TV “star” who is famous for acting dumb and saying dumb things and who did plastic surgeries, etc] but I saw her say something amusing recently, she said “I really respect Daft Punk because if I wasn’t showing my face I would be nothing”

Thomas: I’m not-… I’m a bit disconnected from TV

Guy-Man: Yeah me too actually

RN: Yeah well it’s good for you in that case

Thomas: No no but I’ve never seen her face actually... so it’s working in the end

RN: Yeah exactly you know her name

Thomas: I know her name but I’ve never seen her face and I didn’t follow the sketch but uh… I think that we’re in a time completely different from the 90s and we couldn’t really predict what it would be like... but well look at Kanye West who’s releasing a disc today where the-… You go on iTunes and you-… There’s no cover, here we’re straight in the idea of white label well it’s a bit strange because it’s a CD cover but the thing is dematerialized when you go on iTunes to buy it but the picture that there is for the artist is a little drawing of him with a balaclava and two little eyes so it’s like-… the approach is totally like Underground Resistance in that case, especially at the visual level and almost at the musical level also

RN: Well actually Kanye West, the album comes out today is that right?

Thomas: It’s coming out today yeah

RN: It’s coming out today, he leaked it yesterday, he leaked it during the weekend, it’s coming out today. With, uh well we’re gonna listen to them, there are 4 songs produced with you we’re gonna talk about it later, we’re gonna listen to-… which one is it? Black Slaves?

Thomas: Uh no, uh On Sight, the first one, the first one on the album

RN: The first one, On Sight

*They play the song but I cut that part*

RN: Alright! Do you want to whisper? [I don’t know who he’s talking to, maybe Guy-Man?] So uhm Kanye West, the introduction of his new album, the song is called On Sight, here I think on this song that you are the only ones credited as producers

Thomas: Uh I’m not sure

RN: Or maybe there’s Hudson Mohawke also?

Thomas: No I think that there’s Mike Dean also on it who did the editing

RN: Well I have to admit that it’s weird, when you see the track listing for example, the second to last song you are 4 producers, Rick Robin, Gesaffelstein, Hudson Mohawke and Daft Punk, what does it mean 4 producers for one song lasting 2 minutes 50

Thomas: Uh I’m not even sure that-… Uh what does it mean, it means that Kanye uh… in the way discs are made.. Actually Kanye comes in the studio, by the way for most of his songs, we started them actually, with him… For On Sight and Black Skinhead we are producers for the most part so we did a huge part of the song, for this one-… I think that-… After there’s a producer who helped him finish the song and edit it a bit

RN: Didn’t Rick Robin show up at the end?

Thomas: There’s Rick Robin who came 3 weeks ago actually but I think that it was a good thing for Kanye, he really gathered a lot of stuff, he kind of went around the world between Paris and New York and the songs passed from hand to hand a bit like that, for us what was cool was that he really arrived with nothing actually and that we spent time talking and trying to-… He explained a bit to us what he wanted to do, something very radical, we liked it. The song On Sight is just one-… There’s something quite funny, really contrasting with our album where there are 250 tracks in Touch for example, the song with Paul Williams, here the song On Sight has ONE track so that’s-…

RN: The total antithesis then

Thomas: It’s 808, hum TR-808 put into our big modular synthesizer

Guy-Man: Yeah

Thomas: *talking over Guy-Man* In the studio in Paris

Guy-Man: *in the background while Thomas is still talking* In half an hour yeah… A jam-session

Thomas: And it’s a jam-session Chicago where we plug in the 808 and press on “record” and we start programming live and the thing runs-…

Guy-Man: He came into the room, we were-…

Thomas: *over Guy-Man* He arrived in the room

Guy-Man: He rapped and he recorded and then-…

Thomas: He has a microphone, we have the stuff- we have the 808, we’re jamming, it’s completely live so it can nearly be compared to the lives we did, you know, in 95, and basically, to explain to you how this song was made, so the thing lasts for around-… I don’t know it maybe lasted for 12 minutes or 17 minutes you know

Guy-Man: *in the background* Yeah… Yeah

RN: The loop?

Thomas: The loop, the recording, he leaves with it.. uh.. with what we’ve done and we discover the song like that a few weeks ago… But- And then I think that an additional producer who-… yeah who cut and edited the thing

RN: And so do you like the result?

Thomas & Guy-Man: Yeah, yeah… yeah

Thomas: You bet! But what’s interesting is that it’s very very very close to what we’ve done the moment we’ve done it, it was-… What was also interesting was, yeah… to be in his service.. Uh we-.. I feel a bit like the work we’ve done with him was a bit like when I make music for Gaspar Noé’s films for example, you know, a very radical thing-…

RN: Okay so a director who tells you what idea he wants

Thomas: Voilà, and then we-… There’s a good thing about-…

Guy-Man: Then again, he came in order to find ideas actually. What happened was that, it was the very beginning of his album and he really was looking for, by coming to see us and moving to Paris soon after, he was looking for an ambiance far away from the US and at the same time find ideas and do something more radical than usual with a lot of-… He was very tensed, very-.. He needed to screams sooo… What’s funny is that we saw him at the very beginning and we made his draft songs, at the start of the process a few months ago, and at the end it’s Rick Robin who took the thing and who clean it up a bit, because there were so many songs sent by so many producers, and a lot of stuff, what’s good is that at the start and at the end he [Kanye] had us and Rick Robin who, in my opinion, minimized the thing and gave to it more of a punk and violent side.

RN: So Yeezus, that disc is good because there are 10 songs, very sharp, a bit “ignore face”.. So I haven’t imagined the difference, you told me Touch, for example 250 tracks and here 1 track, I was seeing more differences also because you present RAM as a “feel good” album, an album that has a good feeling, a happy feeling, etc.. Here we are straight in a darker version and then, I’ll conclude and then you can keep going, we can detail this, the kind of retro-futuristic side of RAM was also criticized by some people saying “We thought they would invent future but we have a disc a lot more paradoxical, a lot more.. More difficult to define” and here however we have something very, I don’t know if it’s truly futuristic but we have the impression of something truly futuristic. So it’s funny we have a kind of schizophrenia, which makes the artist

Thomas: Yes well we do a little bit of everything actually, it’s a bit-.. it’s a mixed bag but uh… No what’s funny-… There are links for example on the song Black Skinhead, the drums, the percussionist is the percussionist who’s playing on Touch and on a lot of the album’s songs, so there’s a the same time a kind of shared core on some things uh but-… some shared recording studios also, all the rhythmical parts of Black Skinhead had been recorded in Conway, a little bit during the same sessions as RAM but hum-… but this big gap actually and this paradox, we’ve always liked it, it’s-…

RN: But have you reckoned that-… Did you know that RAM would come out and then one month later-…

Guy-Man: Nooo…

Thomas: No, no…

Guy-Man: No it’s funny that one month later it comes out. For a song that we spent relatively not many time on it with him, to come out one month after our album that took 5 years to make. And it’s a coincidence but at the same time it’s very-…

Thomas: Everything happens

Guy-Man: It’s a good balance in comparison to RAM, to have this and the opening of the album with On Sight that is well, well-… that we quite like

Thomas: But, but I was talking about this big gap that is kind of the same between Gaspar Noé and Disney for example, you know… There’s this thing here where we’ve always liked-…

RN: Disney for when you’ve made TRON and Gaspar Noé for Irréversible

Thomas: TRON and all that… So it’s funny to imagine, to think… to do.. to work with Walt Disney and to work with Gaspar Noé is already a paradox in itself and hum… it’s that type of contrast, it’s what we liked at the time of Da Funk and Rollin’ & Scratchin’ that was at the start, if you look at it, at the level of music style, the A side and B side of this single at that time, it was not the same music at all

RN: Especially at that time

Thomas: Especially at that time, now it has become the same thing but I think that we’ve always liked softness and brutality.

[autumnleaves1991-blog]

Day 11: Walk the Dog - William ‘Ironhead’ Miller

Day 11: Walk the Dog- William ‘Ironhead’ Miller 

This story was requested by @oldstuffnewstuff​. Thank you so much for the request! I love writing for requests! Thank you for all the rebloggs, comments, and likes. :)

Also gonna tag @myathleteeggspizza​ for our love of William Miller. 

November Writing Challenge Masterlist 

Day 10: Used Tea Bags - Javier Pena 

William ‘Ironhead’ Miller liked numbers. His whole life since leaving the military was run down to the exact second the way he wanted it too. He would wake up at 0600 daily, stretch for eight minutes, down his first cup of coffee, and go for an eight mile run through the park. Then he would return home, take a five minute shower, get dressed, drink a smoothie, fill his tumblr with coffee, and leave for the base at 0730 sharp. 

Every single day was the same. But, that’s what someone with as many demons as he had needed. The structure and security of the same routine. Not one minute unaccounted for. Until the day he met her.

It was a chilly November morning when he first noticed her. She had on a black leggings, a maroon crewneck sweatshirt, black ankle boots, and hair in a messy bun atop her head. She was sitting at one of the unoccupied benches near the Veterans statue, reading aloud a book to a golden retriever lying quietly with her head in her owner's lap. 

He faltered for a moment, and one minute became two, became three and when he looked down at his watch he cursed to himself. He was behind schedule. When he looked back up they were gone. He turned each direction frantically looking for the girl and the dog but they were nowhere to be seen. He wondered for a moment if he had only imagined it before the beeping of his watch drew his attention and he picked up the pace to make up for the lost time. Lost time, what a novel concept for a person who counted everything in his life. 

The next morning when he entered the park he couldn’t help but look for them as he ran around the path. Keeping his eyes open for the golden retriever and her alluring owner. Will couldn’t help the pang of disappointment at missing them again. The routine remained the same day in and out for another week before Will began to give up hope about seeing them again. On Saturday after his run he came home and left at exactly 0730 again but this time he was meeting his old army buddies for breakfast at a diner across town. 

The diner looked old fashioned amongst the new and shiny chrome buildings that had begun to pop up around town but it wasn’t the outside that mattered. Will walked in and the bells tinkled on the door to notify the wait staff, and he nodded at the familiar faces before finding his friends. He slid into the worn, cracked leather of the booth next to his brother, shaking the other two men's hands across the table. 

The waitress came over and brought him a steaming mug of coffee, two packets of sugar, and one creamer before going back over to her other customers. Frankie pointed to the cup before back at Will, “you come here way too often if they know exactly how you take your coffee.” 

“Every Saturday,” Will tells him smiling as he prepares his coffee, taking a sip of the liquid gold, “Gladys knows just the way I like my coffee, and my breakfast. Why ruin a good thing by going somewhere else?” 

Frankie laughs at him, “Some people actually like to go out and try new things. Are you still doing the same routine every day and doing that counting thing?” 

Will only nods before he’s interrupted by Gladys who takes their orders, not even bothering to ask Will before she goes off to put their order into the kitchen. “Thank you Glady!” Will shouts at her and she raises a hand in acknowledgment. 

“So how the hell have you guys been?” Santiago asks over the rim of his mug. 

Benny fills them in on his training, and his new girlfriend he met at a fight a few months ago. Frankie tells them all about the house he just bought and is slowly renovating and shows them some new pictures of his daughter Juliette, who just turned three the past month. Frankie made the single father life look flawless. Santiago was in town for the next two months on break from down in Columbia where he’d been helping the local military take down a drug lord. All of them had something new to share, something exciting, except Will. 

“So what about you Will?” Santi gestures to him as they all dig into their breakfast. 

Will cuts himself another piece of pancake off for himself before running it through the syrup, “The same shit as usual, run, work, eat, sleep. On Saturdays I come here for breakfast and on Tuesday and Thursday I help Benny with training and Friday night is usually fight night. Besides that nothing is new.” 

“Youshouldgetadog” the words jumble together out of Benny’s mouth as he tries to talk through the French toast pouring from his mouth. 

“Damn it brother chew your food and then talk,” Will laughs. 

Benny swallows before trying again, “I said, you should get a dog.” 

“A dog? Why the hell would I get a dog?” he asks. 

“Just hear me out brother, you love routines right? You run every morning and it seems to me that your a little lonely, a dog could go running with you, and keep you company.” 

Will contemplates the idea for a moment and his thoughts can't help but go back to the beautiful woman from the park with the golden retriever. “Yeah, maybe… do we even have any pet shops around here?” 

“Fuck pet shops,” Frankie tells him, “you need to go to the humane society and get a rescue dog, they are the best. Juli and I will even go with you, she would love to see all the dogs. How about 1300 today?” 

Will thinks for a moment before agreeing, “ok...but just to look. I don’t know if I am ready for a dog yet.” 

“Ok I’ll meet you there with Juli and we can go look at the dogs, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you go and fall in love with one and take it home today.” 

Will scoffs, “Sure.” 

When Will pulls his black 2014 Ford truck into the parking lot he feels slightly overwhelmed by all the animals running about. There is a large fenced in yard with exactly fifteen dogs of various shapes and sizes. When Frankie pulled into the spot next to him, he began to feel more at ease with a familiar face and when Juli came running full speed at him he couldn’t help the smile that broke across his face. 

“Uncle WIll!!” Juli screamed tackling him into a hug. 

He swung her up into his arms and she squealed, “hello sunshine! How’s my favorite girl doing? Are you keeping your daddy busy?” 

“Of course! Daddy told me we're gonna help you find a puppy today? Can we get one too daddy?” She leans back in Wills arms and pouts at her father who crosses his arms. 

“I get the impression you and her had this discussion before you came today?” Will asks laughing at the exasperated expression on Frankie's face. 

“More than once,” Frankie nods to him before taking the toddler back, “Sweetie we talked about this, we are not getting a dog today, just Uncle Will.” 

Her face morphs into a pout and both men can feel the beginning of a tantrum coming so they deflect, “Let’s go sunshine! Don’t you want to see all the dogs?” Will leads the way into the shelter and when the bell dings as he crosses the threshold he stops. Frankie runs into his back before pushing the rest of the way inside. 

Sitting at a worn desk is the woman from the park. She’s wearing overalls with a white shirt covered in pink and yellow flowers. Her hair is pulled into a bun on top of her head but three long strands have slipped out and are dangling in front of her face. She’s wearing dark rimmed glasses, and has her nose buried in a book. On the ground under the desk, sticks out a wet black nose of a golden retriever snoring. 

Will coughs lightly to draw her attention and she snaps her head up and seems slightly startled. “Oh hello! I-” she puts her bookmark in her book and the dog rises to its feet, noticing the new arrivals, “Welcome to the Dog House, uhm how can - how can I help you today? She stumbles over her words, and a blush rises up her neck. 

“Hhh-uhm hi,” Will’s arm rises up and he scratches the back of his head, “Dog...I’m looking for a dog.” He can’t keep his eyes off her. The girl he had spent the last couple weeks thinking about, was right in front of him. 

She giggles, “Well then you’ve come to the right place, I’m Andy, you can follow me.” 

Will follows her like a lost puppy...no pun intended. Frankie just watches the two of them, smiling to himself. It’s obvious that Will likes this girl the way he’s acting if only he could see her looking at him the same way. Frankie keeps his thoughts to himself and follows behind the two. 

“What kind of dog are you looking for? Something big? Small? Athletic? Lazy? We have all kinds here.” she asks, gesturing around to the cages as she leads them to a small enclosed area outside. 

“I like to run, in Aveley Park over on 140th street, and I would like a dog to run with. I’m Will by the way,” he offers her his hand. When they touch they both feel a surge of electricity and they don’t let go, continuing to shake hands until Frankie not so subtly clears his throat.

She blushes deep red, and quickly drops his hand smiling shyly at him, “That’s where I like to go with Benny! We go almost every morning for a walk and then I usually read. My sisters have been in town the last couple weeks so we’ve been going in the evenings lately but they’re gone now so maybe I will see you some morning.” 

“Oh uhmm, whose Benny?” Will asks, he didn’t notice a boyfriend last time he saw her. 

“Oh my dog!” she gestures to the dog that has been slowly following between them. 

From behind, Frankie lets out a snort. Will glares at him before meeting your confused expression. “Benny is my brother's name…I guess he and the dog have some things in common. My brother is kind of like a lovable golden retriever.” 

She laughs out loud, and it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard and he’s desperate to hear her laugh again. “Well maybe your Benny and my Benny should meet someday.” 

“I would like that,” Will tells her, smiling. 

The two just stand there smiling at each other like two lovesick fools when Frankie puts down Juli who's been squirming in his arms. She toddles over to the dog and begins gently petting his head, his eyes close and his tail wags and everyone laughs watching the adorable toddler and the dog. 

“Ok,” she slaps her hands together, “athletic dogs, good for running…” 

“Maybe one a little older?” Will hesitantly asks, “I don’t run as fast as I used to.” 

“You know I think I have the perfect dog for you,” she walks over to the kennel and comes back with a gorgeous chocolate lab. Will drops to his knee and gestures for the dog to come and sniff him and he does so without a second thought. 

“What’s his name?” Will asks looking up at her. 

“Tom.” 

Will freezes and in his peripheral he sees Frankie frozen too, both of their eyes are on the dog. “What’s his name?” Will whispers. 

“His name is Tom, they found him wandering around six months ago, they think someone left him. He’s house trained, and very well behaved. We-what’s wrong? You both look like you’ve seen a ghost…” She looks between Will and Frankie. 

Frankie sniffs, “our old army buddy, he passed away a few years ago...his name was Tom.” 

“Oh...oh I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories.” 

“I’ll take him,” Will tells her quickly, “how do I adopt him?” 

“Oh that’s wonderful! Come inside with me and we will get the paperwork all filled out, you can pay the $25 fee and he’s yours,” she places a leash around Tom and hands him to Will. When their hands brush he burns from her touch and she pulls her hand back. It’s not one sided. Juli and Frankie follow behind. Juli is more excited then everyone when Uncle Will tells her the dog is coming home with him. Just thirty minutes later and Will is the proud owner of a new dog. Frankie takes Juli outside to strap her into the car seat and head home. 

“I hope I’m not too forward, but maybe one morning we could go running together...I go for a walk there every morning like I said but for the right partner I could be persuaded to start running in the mornings.” 

“Actually...I would like to walk the dog with you tomorrow morning if you're free... it’s hard to get to know someone when running...then maybe I could take you out for breakfast?” Will feels as nervous as the first time he gave a speech. 

“Yes,” she doesn’t hesitate, “yes, I would like that very much.” She slips a piece of paper from her back pocket with her phone number on it, “I was kind of hoping you would ask. I wrote it as soon as you decided on the dog.” 

He laughs before taking the paper from her fingers, sliding the number into his pocket. He gently grasps her hand and presses a light kiss to her knuckles. “I can’t wait till tomorrow morning,” he tells her before walking backwards out the door. 

Frankie has already left with Juli and he loads Tom into the front seat of the truck, before getting into the driver's seat and buckling his seat belt. He pulls out onto the road and sits at the stop sign, Tom crawls across the seat and places his head in Will’s lap. He puts his head gently, before pulling out to go home, thinking about tomorrow with one beautiful girl, and two dogs. 

Day 12: It evaded me- 

[oftenderweapons]

Papa Noël — Namjoon

Pairing: Namjoon x reader (nicknamed Vixen)

Wordcount: 7.0k

Genre: fluff, smut, engaged rmxr, idol!AU

Rating: 18+

Hello bunnies! Merry Christmas to all of you. I wish you all the best ✨💜

I had to write this thingie because I’m selfish and I had this sort of unholy vision that told me, “you must do it”. And so I did this. 

This fic is set on Namjoon and Vixen’s first Christmas together. The two are engaged (you’ll read about that sooner or later). Unfortunately, Vixen had to attend a dinner party at which she couldn’t bring Namjoon (their relationship is still very, very private, and even her parents don’t know who she’s dating, plus they respect her privacy). Namjoon spends the night with his friends, but decides to head back home and wait for Vixen — who is unforturnately late. As soon as she arrives, he is quite eager to warm her up and let her unwrap her Christmas gift. But he’d much rather unwrap her first.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: I’ll be on the naughty list forever after writing this. Swearing, mentions of alcohol consumption, DDLG dynamics/daaddy kink, dirty talking, striptease, lingerie fetish, light foot fetish, very lowkey roleplay, sex toy (glass dildo), oral fixation, masturbation (female receiving) light bondage (satin bow), spanking (with rings... ahem), thigh riding, cum play and cum eating, mentions of oral sex (male receiving), a very emotional proposal, mentions of unprotected sex (never ever ever do that unless you’re 10000% sure BOTH YOU AND YOUR PARTNER(S) ARE CLEAN)

Suggested playlist: I Just Melt - Sabrina Claudio // Short Red Silk Lingerie - Sabrina Claudio // Santa Baby - Ariana Grande, Liz Gillies // I’ll Be Home For Christmas - Demi Lovato // Wishlist - Alaina Castillo

In case you need it, here is my masterlist :)

Enjoy!!! 

————————————————

Papa Noël (French) — Santa Claus, en. [Daddy Christmas, lit.]

Namjoon sat on the sofa, his naked foot tapping against the plush carpet. For a second he considered what the actual fuck he was doing in his own living room dressed like that, making an absolute fool of himself. 

Then he remembered the party your firm had organised for Christmas Eve, and the fact that he couldn’t have attended with you. 

He hadn’t asked you to stay home, especially since your mother and father were going to attend too, and your boss and them had been friends for a very long time. 

Obediently, you had followed your father’s will, you had put on your delicious blue velvet dress and you had made sure Namjoon saw you secure the little clip of your suspender belt to your stockings. 

“I won’t be out late.” You had told him as he knelt and secured the small straps of your stilettos around your ankles. 

“I’m a bit mad you’re going to be out, all dolled up, without me.” 

“There’s a ring on my finger, Joonie.” You said. 

“A ring and no fiancé. How inconvenient,” He murmured, letting his palms climb up the back of your thighs, until they met the naked skin above the elastic band of your stockings. “Aren’t they going to ask questions?” He asked, letting his long middle finger slide against the soft satin of your panties. 

“No.” You said. “They know I’m in a relationship. They know I’ll tell them when I deem it appropriate.”

He moved his hand away from your slit, gripping your asscheeks. “Are you ashamed of me?”

“No.” You replied, dry, determined. Damn his paranoia. “You know there’s nothing I want to do more than use you as my toy boy, my future trophy husband.”

He grinned and sunk his nails into your flesh. “I’m just trying to keep you from rumors, my love.” You replied. “Not all the people in there are as discreet as I am.” You cupped his face. “And it’s not like I’m leaving you all alone.”

He nuzzled his face against your lap. “Jin and Angel are coming over at Yoongi and Kitten’s. I was invited,” Namjoon explained, taking his hands out of your skirt. 

“I’m glad I’m leaving you in good hands.” 

“It’s our first Christmas together.” He sulked.

“You’ll have me all for yourself tomorrow.” You combed his hair affectionately. “You’re lucky my family doesn’t take this Christmas thing seriously.”

“Will I get breakfast in bed?” He asked, raising to his feet and dwarfing you. 

You studied his figure with your eyes, observing his cream turtleneck that made his skin tone look like molten caramel, the expensive cashmere so soft under your palms, and then the light brown slacks, the shape of his cock so delicious that you couldn’t hold yourself back from tracing it with the tip of your index finger.

“Will I get breakfast in bed?” You asked, taunting him. 

“I don’t think it’s good for my babygirl to have her favourite candy cane first thing in the morning.” He replied, raising an eyebrow and catching your wrist. “I wouldn’t be a responsible daddy.”

“Come on, it’s Christmas.” You replied, whining a little and stretching to reach his mouth. 

He grinned as he saw you struggle, his dimple appearing as you kept pushing yourself on the tip of your toes, trying to touch his lips with yours. His nose scrunched and his eyes shrinked to heated slits as he bent his head down, allowing you access before he tightened his hands on your waist and picked you up, lifting you a few inches from the ground while you tightened your arms around his neck. 

“I’ll think about it.��� He murmured on your lips. 

“Please.” You hummed quietly. 

His hand slipped down to your ass and squeezed it. “Maybe.”

You pouted and parted from him. “Then I think I might stay out late. Stay at my parents for the night. Mother always arranges beautiful brunches when I stay there. And Magdalene could enjoy me visiting her. You know, our governess. She raised me.” You said, fixing your dress and wearing your faux fur. 

“Come home. Eleven forty-five. No later.” He said, wrapping a forearm around your hips and spinning you around; you stumbled a little on your heels with the whole motion and the way he joined his lips to yours in a passionate kiss. “I’ve got gifts to deliver.” He said, parting from you and fixing your lipstick. 

“I’ll try.” You said, checking your watch and realising that probably your parents had already sent their driver to get you. 

“I have to go.” You murmured, cupping his cheek. “You know there's nothing I wanted more than spending the evening with you.”

“I know. I’ll wait for you.” He said, fixing a small lock of your hair behind your ear.

He accompanied you to the front door and opened it for you. “Have a nice evening, love.”

“You too.” You replied, completely charmed as he set you free like a delicate, gracious butterfly. 

————————————————

He started getting worried when he realised you were half an hour late. Then forty-five minutes. At midnight thirty-three, he heard some noise at the front door. 

There you were, legs wobbly, giggling at the phone. “I’m home. Yeah. Love you too. Stay warm.” You said softly, and then squealed. “No, I won’t choke on my boyfriend’s enormous dick. I’m super late. He’ll kill me.” Another pause. “No, he won’t kill me with his colossal cock. Stop talking about my fiancé’s cock, you slut!” You erupted in a bubbly laugh.

Namjoon felt his disappointment disappear, just slightly. 

“You could always go choke on Taehyung.” Pause. “Stop rubbing that on my face. I am TINY! It’s not my fault.”

Namjoon heard your snort-laugh. The one you used only with your closest people. He realised you were on the phone with Lace. He relaxed even more. “Gotta blast. Love you. Merry Christmas, you hoe.”

You giggled again as he heard you try to take off your shoes before you lost your balance, leaning on the wall. You hissed and cursed at the shoes. He heard the sound of you taking off your coat. And then you appeared, beautiful, so innocent, standing in the soft light of the Christmas Tree. 

And there he was. Sitting on the sofa. Legs parted wide. Shirtless. Barefoot. In a pair of red satin loose sweatpants with white furry hems at the ankles. And a Christmas hat. 

You swooned. 

“You’re late, little fox.” He said, pinning his forearms to his thighs and leaning forward. 

“I stayed out with Taehyung and Lace. We wanted to call you but I didn’t want to interrupt your previous arrangements.”

Namjoon licked his lips and bit his lower one, rubbing his index finger against his chin. “Jin and Angel kept making sex puns about chimneys and gifts and whatnots. Yoongi literally licked whipped cream off Kitten’s finger.” Namjoon exhaled. “It was painful. To say the least.”

You chuckled as discreetly as you could. 

“Is it funny, Vixen?” He asked, tipping his head back. “You’re forty-five minutes late.”

You sucked your lips past your teeth, lowering your head. “Tae and Lace were at the party. We left for a quick drink. We lost sense of time a little.” You said, flustered.

“I was here, waiting for you and you were out with your best friend and her boyfriend, my friend.” He said, crossing his arms and cocking his head to the side. “Are you listening?”

“Yes. Of course. I’m sorry.”

No, you weren’t. You were staring at his biceps, flexing, his chest expanding with ample breaths, his pectorals twitching. The mole on his chest. The path that it drew up the tendon of his neck, joining the other little mole near his collarbone, all the way up to the one below his plump lip. And the way his skin glimmered deliciously at the delicate lights of the Christmas Tree. You were ready to ask him a picture.

In your uterus was currently burning a blue hypergiant star. Just to clarify, 37 times hotter than the Sun. 

“You’re not listening.” He said, snickering. “I can see it.”

“I tried though.” You said shyly, pouting. 

He smiled and laid against the back of the sofa. “Come here.”

You blinked a couple times, rubbing your hand against your sternum, worried, biting your lip and playing coy. “Can I take off my dress first?”

“Of course, babygirl.” He said, propping his elbows on the pillow behind his back. 

You saw his chest stretch and oh’ed at the vision, making him giggle. “Come on, babe.”

You frowned and felt your ankles wobble as you undid the zipper at your side, bending down to lift your dress up from the lower hem, slipping it off from over your head. 

It took you a while to orient yourself on your way out of your dress, but as soon as you were free, you placed it down folding it neatly over the coffee table, where you noticed a small package wrapped in red paper and a big ribbon. 

“Is that mine?” You asked, batting your lashes at Namjoon. 

“Yes, darling.” He said, his eyes skimming your entire form. “Are you tipsy?” He asked, worried.

“A teensy, tiny bit.” You said. “Literally one glass of champagne, a spoonful of punch and a glass of wine with Tae and Lace. Nothing more.” You said, easing his nerves. He didn’t like when you drank — only because you’re a lightweight and he doesn’t want you to get sick.

He smiled softly as you listed the drinks. “It’s okay, buttercup. I’m not trying to control you. Just making sure that you can take me.” 

You bit your lower lip, nodding. 

“You look delicious, sugardoll.” He said, now finally focusing on your attire.

You smiled cutely and fixed your hair. “You like it?”

“I do, babylove.” He said. “Let me see it from up close.”

You walked closer to him, standing in between his legs. 

“Come on, give me a little twirl.” He said, placing his hand on your waist and helping you make a small, slow spin. You still had your heels on, after all. Just the way he liked it. 

“Let’s take off the big girl shoes, yes? That way you can be all tiny and barefoot for daddy.” He said, finding your wrists and placing your palms on his naked shoulders.

His skin was so hot. To the touch too. 

“Give me your foot, baby.” He said, looking up at you. 

You felt like crying. In the best way possible. 

You complied and his big fingers struggled a little with the small clasp before he managed to free it. 

The other shoe was easier. He diligently placed the stilettos out of the way, by the side of the sofa. “Next these.” He said, laying his hand on the back of your thigh and placing your foot between his legs, so close to his cock, currently laying across his lap, half mast towards his left hip. You noticed he still had a set of rings on, including the one shaped like a thick bear head, which he had bought in honour of the nickname you had assigned him.

He fought with the clip of the suspender belt, vaguely knowing that he should look for a small clasp on the upper elastic band of the stockings, but not knowing how to undo them. He still had a lot to learn, he realised. 

Your spindly fingers assisted him, showing the procedure. “There’s a rubber nub, inside. It grips the stocking and blocks it inside the metal frame, on the outside. You just need to slide the nub out of the frame.” You explained, showing him. 

He observed the movement of your fingers, the suspender strap snapping free. 

“There are other three. You can practice.” You smiled gently. 

He looked at your sweet face, at your eyes glittering in the Christmas lights. He was completely in love. Enchanted. Head over heels. 

He turned his eyes down, looking once more at the suspender strap on the other thigh, caressing your naked skin with the back of his index and middle fingers before hooking them under the fabric of your stocking, spotting a flat rubber surface. That must be the back of the nub. With his thumb, on the outer side, he spotted the nub, hooked in the small metal frame, covered in nylon. He slid it upwards and felt the strap snap. 

“Just like that, daddy.” You said, removing his hat with a smile and caressing his hair. So soft. It smelled like cedarwood, vetiver and patchouli. It smelled like safety, home, reassurance. Passion. Unconditional love. 

You led his hand to the back of your thigh and he percurred the length of the elastic strap to the hem of your stocking. 

You exhaled and closed your eyes as you felt his fingers on your nude leg. 

With the left side undone, he placed your leg down and picked up the other, laying it directly on his lap, where you felt his hardening sex under the sole of your foot. “Don’t press down, babygirl.” He said, making a quick work of the last clasp before looking up at you. 

“Good boy. Quick learner.” You said, caressing his face.

He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek into your palm. His hands flew to your waist and held you there as he scooted closer to the edge of the sofa, coincidentally pushing his cock into your foot. 

However, his focus wasn’t there. His target was your inner thigh, which he licked elegantly, suavely, before moving his mouth along you leg, gripping the hem of your left stocking with his teeth and slowly pulling at it, making the nylon roll down your leg, until it reached your calf. You lifted your leg for him, bringing your ankle and then your foot close to his mouth. He laid back against the sofa, the black sheer stocking dangling from his mouth as he stared at you and cocked an eyebrow teasingly. 

You giggled and squealed at the vision. 

“I hope my feet don’t smell.” You chuckled. 

He pouted. “You never really smell.” He said after letting the garment fall from his mouth. “Really. Your sweat never smells.” He said accompanying your leg down and picking up the other. “And I’ve made you sweat a lot. I would know.”

Again he grabbed your stocking with his teeth, tugging it harder this time, since it looked stuck to your skin. With your assistance, he pulled it all the way down, this time letting it fall straight away to place a kiss on the curve of your foot.

“You’ve got the prettiest little footsies.” He murmured. “They’re babylike. So soft. So small.”

“It’s your feet being exceedingly big. I’m medium sized.” You replied, placing both your feet on the floor.  

“Wow.” He said, staring at you. Now he had time to study the deep red silk slip you had been wearing under your dress, with its delicate white lace applications on your chest and on the lower hem. “I’m the luckiest man alive.”

You giggled, embarrassed before pulling a cocky move, slipping your hands under the silk gown and hooking your thumbs into the sides of your thong, wiggling your hips as you pulled it down and bent to Namjoon’s waist, tucking the accessory into the waistband of his sweatpants. 

“Now you’re the luckiest.” You said, grinning at him mischievously. 

He simply raised his eyebrows, mouth wide, perfectly still for a couple seconds before he leaned his head to the side, looking away, his lips curling up in the smallest smile, making eye contact with you and shaking his head. 

“Don’t think I forgot you being forty-eight minutes late.” He said, leaning forward as you placed your foot on his knee, parting your legs just enough to let him sniff at your wetness. 

“But Santa, dearest, I’ve been a good girl all year.” You said, placing your foot down again and pressing your hands to your lap, bending one knee slightly and letting your body twist a little, side to side. 

You looked like the sweetest, cutest little girl in Namjoon eyes, playing coy, acting shy, feigning innocence and conquering him with all your little charms. 

“And you’ve already brought me my gift. Wouldn’t it be cruel to take it away?” You asked, furrowing your brow and pushing your lower lip forward in the most adorable expression.

“Take your gift, then, darling.”

Your face sparked up, and you turned quickly, bending over to snatch your package. 

Of course Namjoon, with predatorial reflexes, leaned forward to sink his teeth into the round curve of your ass. 

You squealed and stood quickly, a bit surprised. “Joon!”

He simply wrapped his arms around you middle and placed you across his lap, making you sit there, your bent knee offering him the magnificent curve of your hip as he began rubbing the side of your leg. 

For a moment, your eyes closed and you snuggled into his warm, strong chest. “I’m sorry, I used your lotion.”

You sniffed him and melted, rubbing the side of your face against his shoulder. 

“You’re so… mhhhh.” You moaned, speechless.

His chest rumbled with a deep, silent laugh. “You like it, babylove.”

“I love you.” You replied, looking him in the eye.

He kissed your forehead sweetly. “I know, babylove. Open you gift, princess.”

You kissed him on the cheek, his dimple making a brief apparition before you focused on the ribbon, tugging at it gently, using your nails to undo the knots. 

“It’s Lace’s doing. The package.” You said, noticing the small details she always inserted on her special orders from the atelier. You had seen her fabricate the small treasures yourself. 

Namjoon snorted in surprise. “It is.”

“Is it lingerie?” You asked, beaming up and looking at him.

“No, Vixen, open your present.” He said, slightly frustrated as you took your time. Sometimes dealing with you could be a true test of patience for him. Still, he loved you more than everything. And dealing with a brat like you required patience. His best assets in taming you were patience, brains and ruthless gentleness. The more you lost your cool, the more he became icy in his stubbornness and determination. 

Your brow creased with curiosity as you ripped off the paper. The box underneath was plain white leather, designed like a jewellery box, but more curious, especially once you spotted the double crosses on the lid. 

Could it be…?

You looked at Namjoon and lifted the lid. 

Inside, the case was covered in black silk, and right there, laying on a small pillow,  you saw the fanciest, most elaborate toy you had ever set your sight on. 

“You like it, sugardoll?” He asked, pressing a kiss to your temple, looking at your face, studying your expression and trying to read your reaction. 

“Daddy?” You asked, turning to him, tilting your head to look at him properly. 

“Yes, doll?”

“Why was there Lace’s signature package on it?”

“I had it commissioned through her. She knows the artist.” He explained. “She made the package since I’m helpless at those.”

“You had it commissioned?” You asked, eyes wide in amusement.

“For you, yes. A candy cane for my sugar doll.” He explained, moving your hair out of your face. 

“Thank you, daddy.” You replied, politely and gratefully. 

“It’s okay, my love.” He said, his hand still rubbing your outer thigh while his free palm moved to your neck, his index finger moving your chin towards him, his lips landing on yours chastely. 

“It’s really, really pretty.” You said, moving your stare back to the box. 

“It was made for my pretty girl.” He said, running his nose against your cheekbone. “Would you like to try it?” 

You nodded.

He grinned. “Then I want you over my knees, little vixen.”

Obeying, you kneeled on the floor, the sofa low just enough that Namjoon’s thighs didn’t press painfully against your belly. 

“Are your knees safe, babygirl?” He asked, turning your face towards his. 

“Yes, daddy.” You replied obediently. 

“Good girl.” He praised you, taking the case from your hands and gripping the toy in his palm. 

He tried to relax and keep his erection from becoming too much of a bother. That could and would wait.

Placing the case down, he moved the toy in front of your lips. “You know what to do, little fox.” He said. 

Just like that, without even needing his command, you lolled your tongue out, covering the glass candy cane-shaped dildo in your drool with long, wide licks. A string of saliva fell on his clothed thigh while he observed the quick work of your tongue lapping at the tip shaped just like that of an actual cock. 

“You look so lovely, my little fox.” He said, caressing your hair off your face, fixing the mother of pearl hair-comb that held back your long locks from your face, holding it with two fingers, so delicately, trying not to break it as he pushed it back into your hair. “I can only imagine how many people were drooling for you tonight.”

You looked at him while he rubbed the tip of the toy against your mouth, your lips naturally parting and wrapping around the glass, becoming even fuller and plumper. 

He could barely resist himself as he looked at you, laying there, with your wide, innocent eyes, your lashes fluttering like feathery little wings, and your mouth, so dirty and sinful and absolutely lascivious. 

He yet had to understand your pure-depraved ratio. It was something he felt but couldn’t explain. 

And most of the time it was not one, nor the other that set him off, but rather the combination and absolute divergence of the two.

You bobbed your head slightly, still staring at him, and for a second he thought ‘what if it were not a toy, what if it were another man? What if i were holding him while she took him in her mouth, and she kept her eyes on me?’

You saw his nostrils flare, his chest expand, his whole posture becoming even more magnificent. 

You pulled the toy off your mouth. You bit your lip. “What are you thinking?”

“If it was another man in your mouth.” He admitted, caressing your ass through your silk slip, the smoothness of the fabric making the weight of his hand glide freely on your lower back before he lifted up the garment, exposing the curve of your ass, your slick folds. 

He massaged your naked skin, extremely glad that he was wearing rings only on one hand.

“I don’t want that.” You said, as soon as he made eye-contact with you. 

“What, Vixen?”

“I don’t want another man. Ever.” You said, and it wasn’t a praise, it wasn’t a lure, and it wasn’t flattery. “I only want you.” You said, your hand wrapping around his ankle as it was the only part that you could hold on to, his hands busy and your palms too small for his thighs and calves. 

He rubbed your ass a couple times. “Daddy would never allow anyone else, babylove.” His hand cupped your heat, his palm laying on the seam of your butt while his middle finger found your clit easily. He felt your wetness spread over his middle finger, coating it as he drew it between your labia. “You and I have something special, little fox. It’s only ours.” He kissed the top of your head. “You trust daddy?” He asked, his expression warm as he addressed you. 

“Yes, daddy.”

“Daddy will slip his finger in now, babylove. Would you like that?”

You nodded, again, “Yes, daddy.”

Slowly he drew his middle finger inside, one knuckle at a time. 

You purred as you felt him draw out slightly and turn his wrist, his digit finding your cervix and drawing its outlines. 

“Joonie...” You murmured, opening your mouth and stretching your neck to reach the toy. 

He toyed with you, placing it before your mouth and pulling it away just as your lips skimmed the material, repeating the taunt a few times, grinning as you turned and glared at him. 

“What the— Oh! Fu—!”

You said, ready to scold him but changing your mind as he added a finger inside, Shutting your mouth mid-swear. 

He thrusted his fingers hard. “I have told you many, many times, that when you’re naked in front of me you must never, ever swear, little one.” And he punctuated each word with a crook of his fingers, adding another as he murmured, very slowly, ‘little one’. 

You whined around the dildo, frowning as you writhed over his knees. 

“What do you say, Vixen?” He said, removing the toy. 

“Sorry, daddy.”

“Good girl.” He replied. “Do you think you’re stretched out enough for your toy, babygirl?” He asked, massaging his fingers slowly and delicately inside you. 

You nodded eagerly. “I want it, please daddy.”

“Such a polite little thing.” He cooed, removing his fingers, letting them hover over your ass, while he teased the glass tip over your slit, rubbing it up and down, letting the first inch in. 

“Oh, Joon—”

“Easy, darling.” He said, rubbing his thumb against your tailbone, keeping his wet fingers off your skin, trying to keep you as clean as possible while also trying to comfort you. 

“It’s big.” You said, digging your nails into his ankle. 

“It’s not that big, Vixen.” He said caressing your spine and letting the dildo sink into your heat while you hummed, focusing on every ridge of the toy, the spiraling swirls imitating the candy cane giving you a completely new sensation. 

Namjoon bent down to place a small kiss on the mole on your asscheek, sinking his teeth around it. “You have the most incredible butt in the whole universe, little thing.” He said, placing another small kiss on it. “So damn beautiful.”

“Daddy...” You cried out once he fed all of the shaft into you, leaving only the handle to hang out. 

“Careful now, baby fox.” He said as he gave the toy a slow twist, just like he had with his wrist before, twisting the hook of the handle toward your front, letting it brush against your clit. 

“Oh my god, Joon.” You whispered. 

“Relax, baby.” He cooed, raising his upper body and bringing his forehead to your temple. Next he brought his wet fingers to your lips. 

It felt obvious for you to open your mouth and let him place his fingers on your tongue. 

“Can you taste how sweet you are, ____? How fucking sweet your cunt tastes?” He asked. You let your tongue slither and slide through every crevasse between his fingers, where your taste hid best, and then you set your target on simply sucking, making sure that his fingers came out clean, only drenched in your drool. 

“I can never part from it.” He murmured, choosing that moment to take his digits away and turn your face so his tongue could caress your lower lip and entangle with yours, trying to steal the taste of you from your mouth. 

“I’m never letting another man have your mouth. Taste your sweet, precious pussy. Feel how fucking good it feels to move inside your tiny body. My pretty doll.” He praised you and reassured you possessively, his thumb rubbing your lips. 

“Daddy?” You called innocently.

“Yes, baby.” He replied, dragging his slippery fingers against your ass seducingly. 

“Would you please spank me?” You asked, batting your eyelashes at him. 

He raised his eyebrows before he wore a lopsided smirk that made his dimple pop up. “You’d like me to?” He asked, his voice decisively happy. 

“If you want to?” You replied, crossing your arms over his thigh and laying your head there. 

“Shall we go for sixteen, babe?” He asked, considering that he wanted to simply arouse you before he moved on to his actual goal. 

“Okay.” You replied, knowing that you could do better, but acting smart and restraining yourself from wanting more, not knowing how it would feel like with the toy.

“Count them for me?” He asked, patting your head, moving your hair aside. 

You nodded obediently before he lifted his hand, your eyes shutting, waiting for him to hit you, just before you felt his hand land on you softly, his stomach moving with a silent laugh after he tricked you. 

You pouted and looked at him and just like that he delivered the first smack, making you howl, your inner muscles clenching and moving the dildo just enough for it to tickle your clit.

He kept touching your hair as his hand pressed the toy into you. 

“One.” He said, pinching your ass, inviting you to count. 

He went on blow after blow, your ass slowly losing sensitivity to the rough impact of his thick rings on your skin. He got rougher at around smack four, when usually he gave you a bit more time before actually going at it hard. Anyway, a small part of your brain, not commanded by arousal and pain, understood and related to his urgency, especially considering how long he hasn’t been acting on the rock-hard cock begging for attention inside his sweats. At hit number nine, you realised his pattern, and how religiously he was sticking to it: smaking your ass, rubbing it for ten seconds, pressing the toy back into you after your inner muscles had pushed it out with the sudden stimulation of his spanks. And repeat

From number twelve, he went all out, trying to give it to you exactly the way you want it and need it. Harsh, merciless, torturously good. 

“Sixteen,” you called, exhausted as he fixed the toy inside, your ass burning under his touch, his other hand laying on your head, caressing it like you were nothing short of his pet. 

“Are you okay, babylove?” He called, bending to your ear, nibbling on your earlobe. 

“Yes, just...” You took your time. “It burns a tiny, tiny bit.” You said, trying not to worry him. 

And still he freaked out. “Okay, would you like your cooling gel? Cold pack? I tried to go easy but a—” 

“Stop worrying, big bear. I’m okay.” You said, patting his leg in a reassuring way. “But there’s something bothering me a little...”

“What is it, babe?” He asked, cupping your cheek, ready to reassure you. 

“What if instead of running away to grab my lotion, you just stayed here and used that fancy candy cane to make me cum?” You said. “I’m so close, I just need you to touch my clit a little, please, daddy!” You tried to convince him. 

Your hand stretched back, spreading over his beautiful chest and sliding down towards his crotch. 

Lovingly, he caught your hand in his, stopping it over his chest. “Anything you want, precious.”

He kept your hands trapped to his chest, keeping it still and grinning at you mischievously once you tried to slide it down toward his abs. However, the other one moved to your ass, his upper body leaning on it as he blew cold air on it. “I’m gonna twist it around,” he said, placing his hand on the handle and pulling it out just enough to turn the handle toward your ass. He brought your hand down, catching the other one too and placing them on your back, putting your wrists together, quickly grabbing the red satin ribbon you had unwrapped from your Christmas gift. 

“I’m simply going to tie it up like shoelaces, Vixen. No fancy business, I promise, but don’t tug at it. Do you understand, baby fox?”

“Yes, daddy.” You replied, staying still as you felt the delicate material against your wrists, his fingers making a quick bow out of the ribbon. 

“Is it okay, ____?” He asked, his voice telling you that it was Namjoon and not daddy talking to you. 

“Yup, all good.” You said simply. 

“Perfect. I just want you to cum as soon as possible, Vixen.” He said, getting to work between your legs. “Like this?” He asked, placing his digit at the apex of your labia, but needing your guidance in finding your clit. 

“Just a bit to the left.” You said. “My left.” You added, and he followed with microscopical movements, knowing he had found the right spot when he slid a tiny fraction downwards and you mewled his name, squealing. 

“There it is,” he said, wrapping his free hand around the handle of the dildo and thrusting with small movements inside you, making sure that you were still wet and that he didn’t hurt you. 

“Keep going with both.” You said, your brow furrowing. “I need...”

“Need to make it wet, sorry baby.” He said, moving his finger away from your clit and putting it in his mouth, tempted to slide it in with the toy, but too worried about messing up your climax. He immediately found your clit again, toying around it a little before finding the spot that made you tug at your wrists and arch your back, your hips starting to move on their own accord. 

“Like that, Vixen. Take what you need, baby.” He said, his arm a bit uncomfortable at the angle as he thrusted the toy inside you; nevertheless, he kept going, determined on seeing you come undone. 

Which happened, finally. Your mouth opened in a strangled cry before you pressed it to his clothed thigh, suppressing a scream. 

“That’s it, baby fox. Feels good?” He asked just as you writhed, trying to escape from his digit on your clit, quickly pushing you into overstimulation. 

“Too good.” You replied, turning your head to the side. “Stop, please.”

“You know the word, Vixen. ‘Stop’ ain’t getting you nowhere.” He said, feeling his dick twitch as you begged. 

“Mint.” You spoke softly into his leg, escaping his wicked ministrations. 

His hand moved away from your sensitive spot. 

“I want you.” You murmured. “I’m close, but I want to be near you.” You looked at him with your eyes barely open, your breath wild, your heartbeat wild against his leg. “Not like this.” You called, wiggling your fingers. 

He tugged the toy out, placing it on top of the ripped paper of the package not to mess the sofa, then pushed it out of the way. His fingers tugged at one of the strings, careful not to jam the knot. Soon your wrists were free and he helped you on your knees, raising your torso. 

“Easy, love.” He said, twining your fingers together as you stood up, making sure that you didn’t get dizzy by standing up too fast. 

Soon one of his hands let go of yours, his forearm wrapping behind your back and pulling you into him, making you kneel on the sofa. “Straddle my thigh, babygirl.” He said with a low, rumbling timbre. 

“Gonna mess your fancy Santa slacks.” You said, smiling confusedly. 

“We can wash them for next year.” He replied, his skin burning as your front connected with his. He pressed your hand into his, against his chest, pulling you closer as your wetness connected with his strong thigh. 

“I’m already close.” You said, nuzzling into his neck, under his jaw, kissing the small mole. 

“Really, uh?” 

“You stopped when I was on the edge, before, after the first.” You said, parting from his throat and looking for his lips with your eyes closed, your hips already rolling back and forth on him. 

“You’re a vision, babe.” He said, hitching your slip dress up, so he could look at your mound, at your hips, riding him as you ruthlessly chased your pleasure. “You were close close, uh?”

You nodded, sucking his lower lip into your mouth, his left hand sprawled over your left asscheek, gripping it and helping you ride him. 

“Yes,” you sibilated as you felt his nails sink into you. You arched your back even more, your movements turning into small circles once you felt his quadricep flex, your clit connecting fully with the satin of his trousers. “So good. I need— I love your thighs.” You said, rambling helplessly as your free hand went into his hair, tugging it gently and letting your fingers slide down, with a delicate scratch of your nails, running around his neck and jaw and touching his cheek, parting your face enough to look him in the eye, waiting a few seconds for your gaze to focus on him. 

“Mhmh,” he said, smirking, helping you quicken your pace. “I love you, babe.”

You nodded and tipped your head back, pleasure rolling down your spine, pooling at your core. 

With your throat right in front of his face, Namjoon bent forward, his lips zeroing in on the point where he could feel your pulse and focusing there, sucking and nibbling at your skin while your mouth opened in a whine that quickly turned into a thin mewl. His nails clawed at your ass, squeezing it tighter now that you were deep into your high.

He kept his mouth at your neck, a deep bruise blooming on your skin, parting from you only when he felt your hips slow down and halt. 

“It was the prettiest sound you’ve ever made on top of me.” He said, bringing your joined hands to his lips and kissing yours, his other hand letting go of you, soothing the skin he had manhandled so thoroughly. 

Your hand toyed with the messy locks of his hair before sliding down to his front, touching his skin feverishly while he hugged you to him.

You were tempted to stay in the warmth of his embrace as you kissed the skin of his pectorals. 

“I have a Christmas gift too.” You murmured, trying to untuck his face from your loose, wild hair. 

“Stay here. Ride me.” He said, his forearm flexing and squeezing you to his front. 

“Want you to open it first.” You said, nipping at his nipple, which convinced him to let you go. 

You quickly stood up and took a couple steps toward the Christmas tree, dipping your arm in and wincing as you felt the small synthetic needles prickle your arm. 

“You hid it in there?”

You looked at him and nodded, feeling for a small box with your fingers, cheering once you found it. 

You retracted your arm as quick as possible and sauntered towards him. 

“I didn’t do a nice package,” you explained, embarrassed. 

“What…?” He said as you kneeled between his parted legs. 

“We said stuff. On our trip.” You said, remembering your quick getaway. “But it was mostly you who did the talking.” You continued, looking down. “Now it’s my turn to speak.” Your eyes met his. “I’m gonna make an honest man out of you, someday.”

His lips turned into an ear-to-ear grin, 

“I’m gonna love you as much as my small body allows, and my heart will stop the day I stop loving you. I’m gonna give you a home.” You said, getting emotional as you saw a tear slide down his cheek. “And I’m gonna give you children.” You stretched to dry the small silvery droplet rolling down his face. “I’m gonna make a dad of you.” You said, parting from his face only long enough to open the small box. “But first I will introduce you to my parents.” You said. “My fun relatives and my boring ones too.” You looked at the thick dark wooden band lined in black tungsten. “All my annoying colleagues.” You arched your brows. “And the ones I like much better.” You broke down as you imagined what would come next. “I’d walk down the isle dressed in white for you.”

“Yes.” He said, not even letting you finish. “Yes. Yes, a thousand times yes, ____.” He was crying shamelessly by now, sliding down to the floor and hugging you to his chest. 

“I’d walk through hell with you. Hell would feel like heaven with you.” You said, sobbing. “And heaven would feel like hell without you. Marry me, Namjoon.”

“Yes, baby.” He said, kissing your forehead and your lips with both your faces wet with tears. “Put that damn ring on me, princess.” He said, parting from you and giving you his right hand. 

Completely excited, your hands trembled as you extracted the wide wooden band, put down the box and placed your hand under his, your forefinger and thumb sliding the ring into his finger. 

“You’re shaking, little fox.” He said, hugging you to himself, his eyes studying the ring as you disappeared into his chest, his chin propped on top of your head as his eyes perused the dark wood, protected by a thick layer of lacquer.

“I mentioned to my parents that I’d like to introduce you to them.” You said, shyly. “In January. As soon as you’re done with the shows and everything. I told them I would like to have dinner, all together.” You said, looking up at him. “We didn’t like… Choose a date or anything. I told them we could have dinner, a weekend or another.”

“I’d be honoured.” He said, smiling at you gently. 

You stared at him in silence for a couple seconds. 

He closed his eyes, steadying himself for what you were about to say, knowing that it would very likely be something completely inappropriate. That’s how you deal with stress. 

You licked your lips and giggled at his expression. You knew it so well. 

“Is it the wrong moment to say I want my fiancé to ram my stomach with his huge, thick, enormous and delicious cock?”

“You’re fucking filthy and adorable. Up,” He said, holding you by the waist as he helped you stand up and climb his body. 

Your arms wrapped around his neck and he held you up with his forearm while his hand dipped into his sweatpants. You mouthed at his jaw. “Please...” 

He groaned as he entered you slowly, making you slide down and onto him. 

“Feels perfect...” You whimpered as he held you still, breathing through his teeth. 

“It will feel even more perfect while I fuck my fiancée stupid on our bed.” He said, making his way to your room. “Merry Christmas, babe.”

“Is Santa gonna cum in my chimney?” You asked with an amused expression. 

He shook his head in disbelief and then wore a small smile. “Gonna stuff you like a stocking.” 

You squealed and giggled, “Merry Christmas, indeed.” 

[minghellafine]

Full interview below.

The first thing Max Minghella does when he joins our Zoom call is ask me about the weather. It wasn't just a conversational cliché though, he really wanted to know what it was like where I was. I tell him I'm in New York City, where spring can surprise you with a day that's colder or warmer than it looks. This particular day was chilly. "I'm always cold," he interjects, "I'm reptilian. My body finds a way to keep me cool." He shivered as he spoke, sitting in his sunny backyard in Los Angeles wearing a T-shirt. I checked the temperature right after our call. It was 80 degrees in L.A.

Despite any discomfort, Minghella is just really happy to be at home. Unlike the millions of people who spent 2020 in quarantine, he was working on season four of The Handmaid's Tale throughout the spring and summer."I'm sort of jealous of people who have this moment to pause and reflect," he says soberly. "Even with all of the trauma it's caused and all the things that obviously were detrimental, I know a lot of people who've had big life changes in the past year."

He acknowledged, however, that creating something in a time when everyone wished they could escape was ultimately a lucky thing. "There was a ubiquitous sense of gratitude," he adds.

Outside of the global pandemic, the dynamics on set had shifted — this season, his co-star Elisabeth Moss (or "Lizzie" as he affectionately calls her), was a director. "She was amazing on set," he explained. "Just very in control and it ran super smoothly. When I saw the episodes she directed, it just kind of blew me away. Her style — it's very cinematic and it really underlines the sci-fi elements of the show. It has a real kind of scope and confidence to it. I think she's a real filmmaker."

RELATED: Marvel's New Face Danny Ramirez Has the Range

Minghella's character Nick has an interesting arc this season too –  he's realizing his role as a senior member of the Gilead ruling class, but also still in love with June [Moss]. It's a complex character that challenges you as an audience member. He is the brooding love interest, and while you may root for him and June to be together, you also have to see him for what he is: an architect of a world that kidnaps women and uses them for childbearing.

What made the previous three seasons of the show even harder for viewers to digest was the fact that people so badly wanted to believe there could be a good guy defector — maybe even Nick — in a room full of bad guys. During those years, many people felt that the dystopian elements of the show were reflective of the nationalist agenda being put forth in the United States by the Trump Administration. So much so that a group of protesters famously wore Handmaid costumes to protest anti-abortion bills and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation hearings. Without saying much about the parallels in the show — other than chalking them up to "pure coincidence," Minghella felt the Handmaid's Tale, whose protagonists are anti-Gilead, are "on the right side of history."  He added diplomatically, "Ultimately, I'm most proud because I think it's really great fiction."

I get the sense that the pursuit of "great fiction" is something that consumes Minghella. He's someone who appreciates art (he got his big break in 2006's Art School Confidential), and his parents are Anthony Minghella, the late award-winning director of The Talented Mr. Ripley, and actress Carolyn Choa. He loves details (see our earlier weather conversation). Even the way he talks about Los Angeles has a story-like quality. He tells me about how he knew when the city became his home after a feeling he got driving past the Silver Lake 7-Eleven. As he told it, I pictured it like a scene in an indie movie starring Zach Braff.

"I had this sort of pathological obsession with movies from birth. [My mother] worked for the British equivalent of the Motion Picture Association, so she would watch three films a day. By three or four years old, I was just kind of an obsessed movie person." It's his favorite movie, Beverly Hills Cop ("I think I saw 100 times by the time I was eight years old," he says) that inspired another big role he was working on during quarantine: Minghella stars as a detective opposite Chris Rock in the Saw franchise spin-off Spiral: From the Book of Saw.

"The movie was so serendipitous for me. I feel like I almost manifested it in my life," Minghella muses. "There's a line very early in the movie where we're investigating these crime scenes and we come to a grizzly one. My character looks nauseous. Chris's [character] says to me, 'Are you okay?' And my character says, 'Yeah. I mean I'd been dreaming about this since I was 12-years-old.' And that was a very kind of weird line because it's just true."

Now at 35 years old, Minghella is feeling settled. He is still a "film nerd" that gets giddy with each new opportunity, but he's less anxious about the results. Next thing on his list? Vacation.

"I'm hoping in May once the movie comes out I can run away somewhere."

Read on for his cheesy would-be campaign slogan, his fast-food weakness, and the time he escaped a tornado while working on a film with Blake Lively.

Who is your celebrity crush?

Mary Tyler Moore.

What's the last thing you do before you fall asleep?

I listen to 1950s radio shows. Usually Dragnet. I was researching a project in that period briefly and got sort of into the radio culture of that time. And now I find it incredibly soothing.

Favorite villain?

Hans Gruber.

Describe a memorable dream.

I had a recurring nightmare as a child in which my grandmother turned into a cat. So Tom Hooper's Cats was very traumatizing to me.

First album you ever owned?

My mother bought me the Top Gun soundtrack on audio cassette.

If you were required to spend $1,000 today, what would you buy and why?

I would do anything to help a distressed dog.

If you ran for office, what would your slogan be?

Some kind of tacky pun using my first name. "Take it to the Max," or maybe "Max on, Max off."

Name one place you've never been but have always wanted to go.

Easy. Japan. I went when I was one, but I don't think that counts.

What's the most uncomfortable outfit you've ever worn?

I did a film called Art School Confidential and I had to wear a beret and I found every moment of it truly humiliating. I remember being completely traumatized by it.

Describe your first kiss.

My first kiss was at a bus stop. I was 14 and I lied and told the girl that it wasn't my first kiss, but I think it was probably immediately evident that it was.

What's one dish you're always tempted to order if you see it on a menu?

There are so many things. That's the sad answer. French fries is the truth.

Favorite on-set memory?

I did a movie called Elvis and Anabelle with Blake Lively like 100 years ago and we shot in Texas. There was a tornado one night that forced us to evacuate the set and we had to sort of drive off in a hurry. I put on this song by The Knife called "Pass This On" in the car which is very dramatic and cinematic. The tornado was sort of in pursuit of the vehicle while we were speeding away. And it was just far enough that it wasn't life-threatening, but also a radical visual. That's one of my favorite life memories.

The Handmaid's Tale season 4 premieres on Hulu April 28, and Spiral: From the Book of Saw hits theaters on May 11.

Photographs by Emily Malan. Grooming by Sonia Lee for Exclusive Artists using La Mer. Polaroid Photos by Max Minghella. Special thanks to Polaroid. Production by Kelly Chiello.

[thiswasinevitableid]

3. Sweets for OT4 because Barclay making sweet things for his polycule is the soft that I need! Sfw, with mer Duck and Joseph?

Here it is! Joseph’s design is based on a Spotted Drum, Duck’s on a Mahi-Mahi.

Most days, Barclay’s house resembles a cookbook library. Today, it looks like a cookbook library that got hit by a catastrophic earthquake.

His goal is to find three perfect recipes to bring to the beach with him tonight, but he keeps changing his mind; whenever he settles on a menu, he turns the page or turns around and finds another contender staring at him from its glossy photo.

Indrid is the simplest; he likes sweet food in all his forms, though he’ll make concessions to the rest of the tastes from time to time. It was one such concession (to sour) that first introduced them. Indrid was shooting a fashion spread in town and came into Amnesty Lodge, where Barclay was working the counter at their little coffee bar. 

“I suppose I should get a slice of the key lime pie, since we’re in the keys.”

Barclay cut him a generous slice because he liked the curve of his smile. Indrid sat at the counter, took a bite, took a second bite, and then ate so fast his fork was a silver blur. He licked his plate clean when he thought Barclay wasn’t looking. There was a dot of whipped cream on his nose that Barclay almost offered to kiss off. But he exercised restraint and gave him a napkin instead.

Indrid came back the next day, and the next, and the day after that too. When Barclay asked how long the shoot was, Indrid admitted it was done three days ago.

“I, ah, I’ve been coming down from the city just for your food.”

“That’s the best compliment anyone’s ever given me.” Barclay leans across the counter, smiling when he spots Indrid’s eyes giving him a once over from behind his red-lensed glasses.

“May I have the chance to pay you some more? Perhaps tonight if you’re free? 

He was, and Indrid complimented him before, after, and during the night they spent together. Barclay would have been fine with a one-night stand, let the memory of Indrid’s tan, angular body under his hands carry him for the next few months. But the photographer came back at least three times a week and took Barclay out as much as possible. He learned Indrid was a big enough deal that he could pick and choose assignments and that he traveled often, but the longer they were together, the more he talked about moving his headquarters to Kepler.

Two years later, his office and studio are ten minutes from the apartment he and Barclay share. When he’s in town, he’s glued to Barclays side.When he travels, Barclay gets postcards signed with hearts or filled with sketches of what Indrid’s seen (and he always comes home laden with local delicacies for Barclay to try).

Wait, what were those hard candies he brought back and then ate all of? Yeah, that will work. Barclay checks to be sure he has heavy cream and makes a note to get pineapple from the grocery store. He’d hoped to avoid a trip out, but Indrid is worth it. Indrid is one of the best things to ever happen to him. 

He’s also the reason Barclay has to find three recipes and not just one.

A year ago Indrid was location scouting for a dramatic oceanside shoot. On a remote outcropping, waves splashing around him, a man popped up from the water to ask what the hell he was doing so far out and didn’t he know the tide overtook this rock real quick?

Indrid, a little strange himself, recovered quickly from being scolded  by a merman. And promptly asked if merman would like to pose for a portrait. If not, would he be able to show Indrid some good locations for photographing rays?

Duck, green-finned and strong, became Indrid’s guide to the reef. It didn’t take long before Barclay noticed Indrid getting dreamy-eyed when he recounted their adventures. Maybe he should have been jealous, but he was just happy his boyfriend found a hunky merman to show him the wonders of the sea.

These days, he considers Duck one of his best friends, a friend who also happens to make Indrid’s face light up like the Vegas strip whenever he smiles at him. 

Duck’s palate tends towards the savory side, and on days when he needs a pick-me-up Barclay will bring him a travel bowl of french onion soup and a hard seltzer, the two of them sitting on the sand and comparing notes on troublesome customers (or, in Duck’s case, park guests in the aquatic campground on the far edge of the reef. 

Actually, that gives Barclay an idea. He grabs the flour from the cupboard, sets it next to the jar of yeast and a bottle of wheat beer. They may be metamours and not partners but, as Barclay often jokes, he owes Duck big time. 

See, shortly after meeting Duck, Indrid guided Barclay down to a hidden patch of beach. 

“I want Duck to meet you, dearest. He also has someone he wishes to introduce to us.”

Duck barely had time to emerge before another merman pulled himself onto the beach and began asking questions. 

“See, this is why I asked him to come. Joe’s fascinated by the human world. Even swam under a glass bottom boat tryin to get a look at some tourists. Which was real dangerous.”

“You didn’t seem to mind  disciplining me for it” Joseph shoots a smile at the other mer, then continues his examination of Indrid’s camera.

With black hair, blue eyes, and a stunning white and black tail, Joseph is the most handsome man Barclay’d ever seen. Later, when he had to explain the fact he was attracted to both him and Indrid, he’d say that the difference in his boyfriends was like the difference between being fed by a classically trained French chef and Spanish chef pushing the boundaries of molecular gastronomy; radically different, but equally amazing.

Joseph, inquisitive and clever, began asking to see them whenever he could. Barclay started bringing food down for Joseph to try, played him movies on his phone, and fell harder for him whenever he laughed or smiled or made a bad pun. 

Some nights Duck, Indrid, or both joined them. Other nights it was just the two of them and water, Joseph lazily waving his tail back and forth as they talked. One evening, he dragged it across Barclay’s legs by accident and the human wasn’t quick enough in hiding his reaction.

“Should I do that again?”

“S-sure.” 

“Can I kiss you at the same time?”

“Yes! No, fuck, wait we, we need to talk to Indrid and Duck about this.”

“I suspect they won’t mind, but you’re right. We’ll take a rain check, big guy. And please pass me that cake.”

In addition to his other good qualities, Joseph has the most sophisticated palates of anyone, mer or human, Barclay knows. As in he can taste the notes of blackberry or chocolate that a wine label insists are there but Barclay can only sort of get a hint of. Barclay once bought him a sampler box of expensive wines, cooked oysters over a driftwood fire, and hand fed both to Joseph as he moaned and wiggled with delight, outlining in no uncertain terms what he’d do for Barclay as a thank you.

(He still can’t look at a bottle of white wine without blushing)

That means Barclay has to make something that's as sweet and sophisticated as the mer himself. Ripe peaches tickle his nose. He grabs his copy of Dessert for All Seasons, flipping to summer with a smile. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, so” Barclay sets the bags down on the picnic blanket, “I, uh, I decided making one sweet thing wasn’t enough. I know that’s kinda silly but you three are so fucking important to me I wanted to do this right.”

“Doubt you’ll get any complaints from mr. sweet tooth.” Duck smirks. Indrid, lounging in linen shorts a moth patterned Hawaiin shirt, sticks his tongue out. The mer just blows him a kiss in response. 

“And there’s no need to apologize for being thoughtful.” Joseph drapes his tail over Ducks, “it’s one of your best traits.”

“Thanks, babe. Uh, so, Indrid, this is for you.” He lifts the pie plate from the ice chest, “it’s pineapple cream with vanilla whipped cream on top.”

“I love you.” Indrid takes the dish with wide-eyed appreciation. 

“Duck, these are for you.”

“Oh hell yeah, pretzels. Wait, is this-”

“French onion soup dip? Yep.”

“I’m gonna eat the hell outta this.”

“And, uh” he slides the cake carrier towards Joseph, “I found a recipe for a peaches and cream Prosecco cake. Hope you like it.” 

Joseph lifts the lid, licks his lips, then pushes the carrier into the center of blanket so he can roll and put his head in Barclay’s lap.

“You’re the best.”

“Indeed. Which is why we have something for you as well.” Indrid stands, stepping over Duck and then eeping when the mer gently whacks his ass with his tail. When he returns (stopping to bend down a pinch the sensitive upper back of said tail), it’s with the cake carrier Barclay looked everywhere for earlier today.

Beneath the pink plastic lid is a cake coated in milk chocolate frosting.

“‘Drid said this was the one you made yourself for your birthday.” 

“Oh fuck, the chocolate malt one?”

“The very same. We had to get a bit creative cooking it; Joseph suggested making the layers  in cast iron over a fire, which worked well. After all, we didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

The frosting message of “happy one year anniversary” gets a little blurry, and he wipes his eyes, “this is so fucking sweet, you guys.”

“You deserve it.” Joseph kisses his hand as Indrid rests his head on his shoulder, Duck scooching over to lay across Indrid’s lap. 

Barclay smiles, “We all do.”

[derekmorganscrocs]

Nancy Drew 2x10

Thoughts While Watching

Spoiler Alert!!

YO- THE- WHAT IS THAT-

Pls the Ryan puns, I can’t even lmaooo. Wholesome Nancy? PLEASE LMAOOOOO OK OK THIS GIRL IS MAKING ME LAUGH. oh no- the straw: SHE KNOWS. ms reporter is gonna DNA test nancy.

Is aces contact info for his bro “long lost brother”? GEORGE IS A RENTAL CAR? Pls. George has abs- I think I have a crush ngl. Bess knows- ODETTE IS CRUSHING ON BESS. Nick and Bess are about to be sister wives no cap.

Apparently he is Tamura, not Tamara... I’ve been calling him the second this whole time- was no one gonna tell me?! Oh enemies to lovers 250k words I see how it is. JOKING, JOKING. We don’t ship nancy and tamura.

“I thought I smelled bacon” OH PERIOD GIL. Sass king, I love. Oh Nancy getting all up in his space is something else. Good to see that Gil is rockin with ghosts, as he should.

“Typical waitress occurrence” okay, Tamura is kind of growing on me. He’s a little funny. “Whatever do you mean, another?” Ace stop trying to lie please. HOW OLD IS TAMURA- oh he’s like a history guy... I really just thought he was like an eternal being for a sec. “the supernatural detective and the basic one”

OMG BESS IS FALLING FOR ODETTE IN GEORGE’s BODY. and nick is seeing a contractor. (Awkward thumbs up). I STILL THINK GRANT IS A MURDERER. pls Nancy’s lil cheesey smile is so cute and funny.

Ryan coming off all smoldery, okay Riley smith. Own that swag.

Bess falling over made me laugh. Odette coming thru with the skating skill. Odess? Bessdette?? I love. Ace’s brother??? ALCOHOL- ODETTE. ACE HELP A GIRL OUT HERE!!!?

Tamura got left at the alter. NO WAY I WAS RIGHT LMAO sorry Tamura lol I know you got left at the alter or whatever but I like being right. PLS HES SO SARCASTIC ABOUT THE DRESS THEORY NO- AHAHA HES KILLING ME. (poor word choice but the point stands).

OH NO I SAW THIS NICK CLIP ON THE IG- IF THIS BITCH LIGHTS MY MAN ON FIRE I STG. NAH NAH NAH HES STUCK IN THERE. WITH A MURDERER.

OH M G. I SAW GAY SO I SAID GAY. THEYRE IN LOVE. ODETTE AND BESS IS SO CUTE. I love the French accent too.

OH NO NICK- DON’T GET LIT ON FIRE MAN, YEAH DUH THE DOOR IS WELDED SHUT- OH THEY BUSTED THAT DOWN LIKE NOTHING. Fire extinguisher fight.

SALT AND BURN, HOES. WHY WOULD YOU BREATHE IN THE SMOKE WTF

My girl nancy just fainted omg. I’m cackling at the prospect of what’s about to happen. BESS AND GEORGE GOT ARRESTED- GEORGES HAIR. what’s going on rn. “My face isn’t working yet” MOOD.

IM CACKLING OMFG TAMURA SLOW MO- pack it up property brother number three. “Were you just waking in slow motion” MY GIRL IS STRUGGLING. she’s trying so hard. GIL TOO- OKAY BUT GIL IS HOT- “so smoldery” YES MAAM HE IS. GOOD TASTE GIRL. She’s petting him? “No seriously get me away from them” the way she said that is sending me- she’s so freaked.

FANSON RIGHTS!! NANCY NOOOO. NO NANCY. STOP PETTING GEORGE’s BOYFRIEND PLEASE NANCY. THE HAIR- THE HAIR. I don’t blame her not gonna lie, I would also want to touch his hair. “I’ll kill Annette” MAAM JEALOUS MUCH OMFG. “Your palms are really sweaty” ACE STOP OMFG. Wow sis snapped there omg.

They locked her... in the freezer.

He FOUND the brother- ACE HARDY ACE HARDY ACE HARDY PLEASE. Ace half Hardy? Okay we’ve paused the show so I can do some math: so Ace’s dad was the Marshall for mom 1 and father to brother. And also father to ace but different mother. Okay we got it. Bess and Ace are such a cute friendship.

Aw FANSON YAY. “We’re gonna work on it okay? And we’re gonna get better at it.” PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT OMG. o nancy ruined the moment.

“She’s okay. Just a lil boy crazy” RYAN IS SO CONFUSED OMG.

Nancy having a breakdown in the freezer is a mood. Is she about to stab someone- NO SHES BREAKING OUT OF THE FREEZER. THEYRE ALL THERE OH NO. why’d she go over the railing like that I’m laughing so hard- SHE JUST BODY SLAMMED GEORGE OMFG IM SCREAMING LMAO

OH GOD THEY CAN HEAR GEORGE AND NANCY FIGHTING FROM THE FRONT- i love the absolute dragging that’s going on here, honestly vibes. it’s like they’re feeding a child.

The girls are fighting (Tamura and Gil) NICK JUST KICKED THEM OUT.

I thought she was gonna escape lmao. WHY DOES SHE RUN LIKE THAT OMG AHAHHAHA. oh no Tamura is... they’re gonna kiss Rn I’m gonna barf ew. STOP MOVING SO SLOW JUST GET IT OVER WITH SO I CAN LOOK AWAY PLS. oh nvm she’s good now. She just dipped and Tamura is like: what now

LOVE THIS GIRL TALK OMG. YES PLS NANCY. Did George just emoji? AW GIRL HUG. I love the friend moment here, pls the sleuth sisters are the CUTEST trio.

HIS BROTHER IS IN TOWN? PETTY BESS I LOVE HER.

aw poor Tamura... oh no omg I actually feel bad for him now :( aw besties!!! Teamwork moment here, I love. HE TOTALLY HAS A CRUSH ON NANCY AND IDK HOW TO FEEL 😭

WHAT OMG DID ACES DAD GET KIDNAPPED? That might just be an old photo I’m kinda dumb ngl

NANCY CHOSE GIL? ARE THEY ABOUT TO KISS RIGHT- yup they just kissed.

RYAN IS SMILING WHEN HES TEXTING HER OH NO. HES GONNA GET HIS HEART BROKEN 😭

DAMN IT VAL. NO NEED TO OUT NANCY AS THE GRANDCHILD, HOLY CRAP.

Okay, so the episode is over, but I KNEW one of them was gonna fall in love with a ghost. KNEW IT! But on the down low, Bess and Odette are cute.

Sister:

Literal GASP at Ryan’s photo shoot. Like sat up like she rose from the dead and gasped SO LOUD- Yeah we’re both Riley smith groupies, what about it.

(When they locked nancy in the freezer) “I gotta ask. Is the meat hook still in there?”

Here are some more (ignore the contact image please lmao the vibe in my phone is random pics of my friends/family):

So the only explanation you really need is she LOVES Riley Smith, and is definitely crushing on Ryan lmao. She literally GASPED so loud at model Ryan.

And she’s not a huge fan of Tamura x Nancy. Tbh idk how I feel yet.

[gimmesumsuga]

Sweeter than Sweet (88)

AO3 Link

Pairings: Jimin x reader, Yoongi x reader, Jimin x Yoongi, Namjoon x reader, Taehyung x reader, Jungkook x reader, Jin x reader, Hoseok x reader.

Warnings: Nil of note

Word count: 9.3k

Previous / Epilogue 

So.  The final chapter.  It’s finally here.  It’s been a long time coming and honestly, it’s been so nerve-wracking writing this and hoping that people will like it and GOD I HOPE YOU’RE OK WITH THIS ENDING.  After two and a half years, trying to find a way to tie this all together has been... quite the task.  But anyway, enough rambling from me.  

There’ll be an epilogue after this - just a short one - so we don’t have to say goodbye quite yet but... yeah.  I hope you enjoy.  

“Whatcha making, hyungie? ”  To your right, Jimin’s eyes remain fixed on his phone as he calls out to the elder vampire pottering to and fro between the kitchen counters and the stove.  With one of Jimin’s thumbs caressing the side of your knee and his other scrolling through whatever Korean article he happens to be reading, you’re surprised Yoongi even realises his young lover is addressing him, so casual is his tone.  

“ Kimchi-jjigae ,” Yoongi murmurs in reply as his knife rhythmically thunks against the chopping board, and to your left you hear Hoseok longingly sigh at the mention of food. 

You can empathise with the feeling that spurred him to make such a sound.  You’ve been a vampire for less than a month and already you’ve started to miss the taste of real food, unable to imagine what it must be like for those around you for whom it's been so much longer.  It’s all too easy to understand why they sometimes give in and indulge despite the inevitable gastric upset that it brings. You’d done the very same just last week, unable to resist sneaking a slice of Jin’s vanilla bean cheesecake only to lament its vengeful return back up your oesophagus just a few minutes later - an experience unpleasant enough to sufficiently silence any cravings you might’ve had since; the smell of broth wafting over to you now no more tempting than that of cut grass or fragrant shampoo. 

And anyway, it’s not as though Yoongi is cooking with the intention of the meal he’s making actually being eaten.  He’s cooking because it gives his restless hands something to do - a task on which to concentrate and thereby silence the anxious thoughts that would otherwise occupy his mind - and Yoongi isn’t alone in his attempt to keep pre-occupied.  

One by one you’d gathered together in the kitchen as the day had drawn into night, some having woken early and some having not yet slept at all.  Namjoon’s imminent arrival has everyone on edge, and rather than remain in bed tossing and turning to and fro, all seven of you had ended up gravitating towards one another instead, seeking the reassurance found in numbers.  

Jin had already been here, in the kitchen, when you, Jimin and Yoongi had arrived here together, his brows furrowed in concentration as he furiously tapped away at the keys of his laptop - yelling when he’d lost at whichever game had him so engrossed.  Alarmed, Nova has been giving him a wide berth every since, hiding under the legs of the furthest possible bench and glaring reproachfully each and every time Jin dares make a sound. 

It was Jungkook and Taehyung who had joined you next, and they continue to occupy one another now, some hours later; Jungkook with his sketchpad in hand and tongue poking against the inside of his cheek as he tries to capture Taehyung’s likeness from where he sits posed across the other side of the table, a sleeping Yeontan in his arms.  

Hoseok arrived last of all, completing the set  He's been strangely quiet ever since he joined you, yet still seems to have trouble keeping his limbs from wanting to dance as he watches various choreography videos on his phone, volume turned down low.  It seems as though even in times of stress he’s unable to keep that innate sense of rhythm he’s blessed with at bay.  

You can’t help but note the subtle sense of guilt that settles in your stomach as you observe them all.  If it weren’t for you and your wanting to do this, Jin’s eyes might not be marred by such dark circles, nor Yoongi’s thumb-nail so thoroughly well-chewed as he stands gnawing on it in front of the stove.  Jimin’s knee wouldn’t be bobbing up and down so restlessly, the two youngest might still be in bed, sleeping in as late they usually do, and Hoseok…. Well, there are a lot of things that might be different for Hoseok if it weren’t for your arrival into their lives, but the less you dwell on that the better, you suppose.  

“Princess?” As if somehow sensing your need for distraction, Yoongi’s voice calls out to you.  “Fetch me the pork belly from the fridge?” 

“Sure,” you agree quickly, flashing Jimin a smile as he’s forced to relinquish his grip on your bracelet so that you’re able to move.  He smiles back having ceased his fiddling, though you can’t help but worry it looks a little strained, very aware of the soft sigh he releases as you make your way over to the refrigerator as instructed.  Inside, on the bottom shelf in a large glass bowl, is the meat Yoongi had left to marinate in there some half an hour or so earlier, and as he takes it from your hands and pulls back the covering film, the scent of rice wine is so pungent it almost makes you cough.  

“Thank you,” he wishes you softly, brushing a kiss to your temple as he passes on his way to the stove where he tips the pork into an awaiting pot, fat sizzling as it meets the heat.

“Do you need anything else?” Wanting to make yourself as useful as possible, you hover at his side as he resumes his place at the chopping board, slicing through mushrooms.  

“I’m almost done,” he assures, not taking his eyes away from the task at hand, “But thank you,” he says again, the corners of his lips curling into the smallest of smiles as he briefly glances your way.  

Dismissed, you wander back towards the group in hopes of finding further diversion.  You don’t dare disturb Jin - the last time you did he looked as though he might throw his laptop at you for having interrupted whatever kill-streak he was in the middle of.   Glancing up from where you’d been absent-mindedly watching Jin’s pink-haired avatar run across the screen, your eyes meet Jungkook’s, a smile tugging at your lips when he beckons you over.  

“What do you think, noona ?” he asks as you come to peer over his shoulder at his sketchbook.  He holds it at just enough of an angle to keep his drawings hidden from Taehyung’s view as the blonde-haired vampire squirms from side to side to try and take a peek.   

“He hasn’t given me boobs again, has he?” Taehyung pouts, and whilst you try to stifle a laugh a wicked grin appears on Jungkook’s face.  His muse groans, slumping forward till his head rests on the dining table and his torso hides Yeontan completely from view.  

“No, Tae, he hasn’t given you boobs,” you reassure, smiling just as hard as Jungkook at the thought of it, “Though, I’d really like to get a look at that sometime.”  

“ Jagi! ” Taehyung whines all the more, sitting up straight to hit you full-force with the adorable full pout of his lips and wide-openness of his eyes.  

"I’m only playing,” you grin whilst still sneaking in a side-glance to Jungkook that tells him you’re really anything but.  “It’s really good, baby,” you say, running your fingers absently through the ever-lengthening tresses of Jungkook’s hair to feel him preen at both your praise and his pet-name.  “Looks just like you, Tae.” 

And honestly, it does.  Even if he were to bestow Taehyung with some additional assets , the likeness would still be uncanny.  Jungkook has captured both him and Yeontan perfectly; from the delicateness of Taehyung’s long fingers carding through his playmate’s fur to the softness of his expression as he gazes down at the perfectly shaded puppy curled up in his lap.  

“You’re sure?” Taehyung checks, doubt seeping into his tone as he watches the way the youngest vampire curls his arm around your waist and coaxes you down to sit on his knee, adoration in his eyes.  It wouldn’t be the first time you and Jungkook have been partners in crime when it comes to playing pranks, so you can’t blame him for being suspicious, but when Jungkook finally relents and flashes the drawing Taehyung’s way, you can’t help but smile at the genuine delight you see written across the blonde vampire’s face.  

“Can I keep it when you’re done, gguk?” he asks, that boxy grin of his making an appearance when Jungkook swiftly nods, putting pencil to paper to continue shading the strong angle of Taehyung’s jaw.  You smile fondly at them both, placing an arm across Jungkook’s shoulder to keep yourself steady when Hoseok suddenly lets out a disgruntled sound from beside you. Nose wrinkled, he’s busy shoving Jimin back up off of his lap from where the younger vampire has flopped down in hopes of using his hyung’s thighs as a pillow.  Jimin’s grinning, his whole body going purposefully limp as Hoseok struggles to sit such a dead weight back up again (pun intended) and it only makes you smile more to see it, laughing when Hoseok finally gives up with a loud ‘yah!’ of frustration as Jimin’s head falls back into his lap.  

For someone who so freely lavishes affection on others, it never fails to amuse you just how unwilling Hoseok can sometimes be to being on the receiving end of it.  

“Hey Kookie?” You press a kiss to his temple to gain his attention.  “Can you do me next?” He looks up at you, one eyebrow raised and a dirty smirk twisting his mouth.  

“You want me to do you, noona ?”  A light smack to his shoulder has him laughing, eyes twinkling with mischief.

“I meant draw me, you perv.”    

“Like one of my french girls?” he persists, smiling all the more lewdly when Yoongi starts to chuckle along like some dirty old man from where he’s stood stirring the contents of the pot now bubbling away on the stove.  

“Have you even seen Titanic, Jungkook?” you laugh, just about to reach down and tweak one of his nipples through his shirt as punishment when Jin suddenly throws his arms wide and exclaims, “I’m flying, Jack!” and sends the whole room into peals of laughter.  

And that’s it, then.  Once Jimin sits up and starts to belt out a somewhat pitchy rendition of ‘My Heart Will Go On’, any remaining tension left in the room is well and truly broken.  Jin joins in, Taehyung does too, and then Jungkook, Hoseok, Yoongi - or at least, he tries, bless him - until finally even you’re singing your lungs out with tears of laughter leaking from the corners of your eyes.  

And as sappy as it sounds, it almost does feel as though you’re flying as you’re sat here amongst them - heart soaring whilst you’re surrounded by these silly, wonderful men that you love so very much.  

The seven of you are singing so loud that if it weren’t for the exceptional hearing you’ve so recently been blessed with, you might not have heard the resounding knock that suddenly echoes through the manor.  You do, though - all of you do - and as another knock comes, somehow even louder than the last, the whole room falls silent, bodies tensing and eyes wide in time for the third and final knock to sound.  

“He’s here.”  

Eyes narrow and breaths are held.  Your gaze meets Jimin's as he sits up straight, on high alert, and there's an emotion written on his face that you can't quite put a name to right now.  Not whilst you're so preoccupied with how strange the absence of a furiously beating heart feels. All the same feelings Namjoon usually inspires in you are still there; your body just lacks the means to properly express them, now that you're dead.  

There's no clammy hands.  No quickening of breath. It's disconcerting and yet reassuring all at once, reminding you of just how different of a person - how different a creature - you are since you and Namjoon last met.  Now, even if he wanted to hurt you (though, you're sincerely hoping he doesn't) you doubt he'd be able to.  

You're a lot more than just the 'family pet' these days, that's for certain.  

You stand from your seat on Jungkook's lap quicker than you realise, body moving before your mind has the chance to catch up.  You're nervous - undoubtedly so - but part of you is just eager to finally go and lay to rest all the history between you. To settle things once and for all.  That eagerness gives you the courage to straighten your spine and square your shoulders; a tentative smile on your face as you turn to the others. 

Before you have the chance to speak, however, Jin promptly snapping his laptop shut mid-game completely derails whatever it was you were just about to say.  

"What're you doing?" you ask as almost perfectly in sync, the vampires around you abandon their various pastimes to join you on your feet, beautifully poised for action.  

"We could never let you do this on your own, jagi. " Taehyung's impossibly long fingers slip between your own, squeezing your hand in his as Jimin comes to your side and claims the other - stoic and silent as his gaze meets yours.  The weight of his hand in yours feels like an anchor; solid and grounding. It's comforting - just as comforting as the sweet kiss Taehyung brushes across your knuckles before placing your hand into Yoongi's waiting, open palm.  

"You can always change your mind," Yoongi reminds you, searching your gaze for any sign that you may want to turn back.  You appreciate the offer, and you're sure that deep down, some of them may wish that you would, but it's too late now. You need to see this through.  

"No.  I'm sure," you reply with as much confidence as you can muster, and out of the corner of your eye you see Hoseok nod to himself with a look of grim determination.  

"OK," Jimin says in that sweet, melodic voice of his, "Then let's go." 

The short journey from the kitchen to the entrance hall has never felt longer than it does now, with a heart so full of trepidation.  You can only recall one other occasion where you felt such dread whilst taking these same steps; back when rather than walking side by side with your lovers you had run towards them instead, drawn by the sounds of Jimin’s frantic cries.  It’s a memory that enters unbidden into your mind, pulled to the surface by Namjoon’s arrival, and you squeeze Yoongi’s hand as you attempt to push away the image of his delicate body cradled limp and bloody in Jimin’s arms. It’s not something you want to think about when you’re about to come face to face with the man responsible for having made that happen - can only hope that the vampire waiting outside your front door is now very different from the one who was forced out of it the last time the two of you met within these walls.  

You hesitate as the manor’s solid wooden doors come into sight, a lump in your throat as your footsteps falter.   It’s not that you’re scared, per se - it’s just that you’ve never been very good with confrontation even at the best of times.  You want this to go as smoothly as possible - if such an outcome is even possible at all. You just hope that - 

“Allow me.”  Sweeping past you in all his handsome glory, Jin approaches the front door with nary a hint of nervousness.  There’s a formidable expression on his face, one that sits totally at odds with the soft, over-sized sweater he’s wearing.  On his stomach, an adorable cartoon whale swims amongst fluffy sky-blue fabric - far too cute a fashion choice for someone who looks as though he's just one wrong move away from kicking serious ass.  

You murmur your thanks regardless of whether Jin might hear you over the sound of him unbolting the front door with deft, graceful hands.  Him having taken charge removes the chance for you to hesitate even more than you already have, and before you know it - before you've even had a chance to take whatever bracing breath you'd imagined you'd take before coming face to face - the door is swinging open.  

The weather has gotten more mild since last you and Namjoon met.  Rather than the howling wind and freezing rain that accompanied his sudden exit from your home some weeks ago, the breeze that ruffles through your hair now is by far a more pleasant one; the sun's warmth lingering despite its absence.  

"Evening, hyung, " Namjoon greets in that deep voice of his, little more than the tips of his hair visible over the top of the elder vampire's head.  Even with the door wide open, Jin's shoulders are so broad that even at Namjoon's greater height, he's almost entirely hidden from view.  Without loosening your grip on either of the hands you hold, you find yourself rocking forward onto the balls of your feet to try and get a better look, but to no avail.  Jin seems determined to shield you, one of his hands planted firmly on the door frame to block Namjoon's entrance.  

"Hello, Namjoon," he replies, and though his tone may sound pleasant, there's a tightness to it that puts you on edge.  "Before you come in, I just wanted to remind you-" Namjoon laughs wryly, cutting Jin off mid-sentence as he places one of his large atop his elder's shoulder and pats.  

"I know, hyung, " he assures, and even without being able to see his face, you can hear the smile he’s wearing, "I'll be on my best behaviour."  His hand slips down onto Jin's bicep as your protector lets his arm slowly fall back down to his side, opening up the way for Namjoon to come inside.  "Promise."  

Realising what it was that Jin had intended to remind him of - his promise to kill Namjoon himself should he ever dare to cause trouble again - you really hope that Namjoon is sincere about keeping his vow.  You'd rather not witness any more blood spilt between these brothers; you've seen enough to last a lifetime as it is.  

Jin steps back from the doorway, a furrow in his brow as Namjoon steps forward to take his place.  Dressed in a burnt orange sweater that's at least a size or two too large, he looks marginally better than the last time you met - though that's hardly an achievement given how back then he'd intentionally tried to appear weak and sickly for the sake of his rouse.  

"It's good to see you all."  With his hands clasped together neatly in front of him, Namjoon almost looks contrite as you all stand and stare at one another, at a loss for what to say.  Silent and stiff, the atmosphere is unmistakably awkward.

Perhaps you should be the one to speak first?  You’re the one that asked him to come, after all, so it’s no good just standing here like the cat’s got your tongue.  

Mustering up your courage, you lift your gaze from his chest and meet Namjoon’s eyes for the first time since his arrival.  They’re just as golden as you remember, and as he looks back at you, you swear his gaze softens - a tentative smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.  Almost as if by reflex, you feel your own lips curving into shy, answering smile, and just as they’re about to part to speak -

“Thank you for coming.”  They’re four words that you never would’ve expected to hear Jimin say, but you’re thankful that he has.  As if him having spoken somehow grants his blessing on Namjoon’s arrival, the vampires around you seem to collectively relax; rounding of shoulders and softly exhaled sighs of breaths no longer held.  

“Thank you for inviting me.”  Even Namjoon looks relieved as he unclasps his hands, slotting them inside the pockets of his pants.  

“I didn’t,” Jimin retorts somewhat sharply, and as you glance to the side you note the way his jaw clenches despite your gentle squeeze of his hand.  

“What the lady wants, the lady gets,” Namjoon chortles in spite of Jimin’s hostility, “It’s good to know at least one thing hasn’t changed.”  

Pursing your lips, you almost feel mildly affronted by Namjoon’s insinuation that you’re spoilt until you quickly realise that he likely has a point, and from the smirk Yoongi’s wearing you’d be willing to bet he silently agrees.  

Well, whatever.  It’s not as though you getting your own way turned out to be a bad thing where he’s concerned.  

“So,” Namjoon continues, taking another step forward to finally allow Jin to close the door behind them, “For what purpose have I been summoned?  I have to say I was surprised to have Taehyung go to the trouble of tracking me down.” Nervousness has you clearing your throat as your hands slip from those of the vampires beside you, not quite able to look Namjoon in the eyes as you break away from the group to approach him.  

“Should we... go to the garden to talk?” you suggest, very aware of the many sets of ears and eyes focused on the two of you.  You’ll never be able to say all the things you need to say with this many people listening in so intently.  

“Lead the way.”  With a slight nod of his head, Namjoon comes forward with intent to follow after you, but when you turn around you find you’ve nowhere to go.  Jimin blocks your path, arms folded, eyes narrowed and jaw so tight that the veins on his neck are popping.  

“You haven’t forgotten what you promised?” he asks, one eyebrow rising ever so slightly as he peers down the gentle slope of his nose at you.  

“No…”  Looking around the group, your gaze lands on Hoseok just as his falls on you.  Easy-going and yet fiercely protective; sweet but firm when he needs to be. Out of all of your options, Namjoon’s successor seems the preferable one to have loitering nearby should this all turn to shit.  

As if reading your mind, Hoseok half raises one hand awkwardly into the air, shuffling his weight from foot to foot.  

“I could go with them if you like.”  Jimin’s gaze flickers back and forth across your face to gauge your reaction to his hyung’s suggestion, and on seeing your hopeful little smile, he subtly nods his head and takes a step back, clearing your path.  

“Alright.  We’ll be right here, ok?”  His glances over your shoulder towards Namjoon.  “In case you need us.”  

“I know,” you reply softly, closing the gap between you and placing on hand on his folded arms to give a squeeze for reassurance, your eyes fluttering closed for just a second as you brush your lips across his. “I’ll be fine.” 

“I’ll hold you to that,” declares another voice as hands find your hips and a similarly fleeting kiss skims the tender junction where your shoulder meets your neck.  You know it’s Yoongi not only from his tone but the delicate pout of his lips where they press against your skin.  

“Please do.”  Twisting, you smile as you and Yoongi come face to face.  He smiles back in return, content to let you take his hand and place it into Jimin’s until you should return.  Together, they’ll keep each other strong.  

“Shall we?”  Namjoon’s sudden arrival at your side pulls your focus back to the matter at hand - body tensing in response to his close proximity.  

“Sure.”  At your nod, Hoseok turns to lead the way, walking ahead as you and Namjoon follow on behind through the rest of the group towards the corridor from whence you came.  

“ Jagiya .”  A tentative touch of fingertips to your wrist makes you pause, and it’s with a sweet, reassuring smile that you try to communicate to Taehyung not to worry without having to actually say the words.  The concerned furrow of his brow remains, unfortunately, but when Jungkook slings his arm around his hyung’s shoulder and pulls him close, you know that they, too, will take care of one another.  

They all will, as they always do.  

Namjoon’s smiling somewhat wistfully as you fall back into step but remains silent.  His footsteps seem so loud compared to yours as you walk the hallway together; Namjoon in shoes that are scuffed at the heel and you in a comfy pair of rubber-soled slippers.  

“Hoseok was a good choice as my replacement,” he comments, lifting your gaze from where you’d been staring down at the motion of your feet.  Your eyes travel the length of his imposing stature to his face - still just as handsome as the first time you met despite all that has taken place between you.  He looks ahead in spite of your appraisal, his focus solely on the back of the vampire that has been filling his shoes since having left; undoing all the wrongs Namjoon had made, trying to make them right.  

Hoseok chooses not to reply to Namjoon’s compliment.  You know he’ll have heard it - Namjoon had said it more than loud enough.  

“He’s done a really good job.  Kept the guys in work and our stores well-stocked.”  Namjoon ‘mms’ along, nodding his head. “Don’t know what we’d have done without him, really.”  

You wish you were better able to read Namjoon’s expression but it seems as though he’s keeping his cards close to his chest, for now.  Whether or not that’s intentional you’re not sure, but either way, it doesn’t keep you from wishing. Is he feeling proud of Hoseok, you wander?  Resentful? Apathetic?  

When you reach the double doors to the garden, Hoseok holds them open for the both of you. You expect him to follow as you begin down the fairy-light lit path that winds deeper into the night, but he hangs back instead, loitering beside the hedgerow.  

“You’re not coming?” you ask, turning to see him standing there once you realise you can no longer hear his footsteps crunching along the gravel with yours.  

“Unless you want me to?” he offers, cocking one eyebrow, and at first, you’re really not sure.  You look to Namjoon and once again he seems unconcerned, shoulders shrugging, his hands still deep in his pockets.  

“Your call.  I won’t be offended, either way.”  In some strange way, Namjoon’s nonchalance is somewhat reassuring.  If he had any bad intentions, surely he’d be pushing for the two of you to be alone rather than leaving it all up to you?  

“I think we’ll be ok,” you say, and your stomach does something a little funny at the small, grateful smile that tugs at the corners of Namjoon’s mouth.  

“Ok.”  Hoseok leans back against the wall of the manor, folding his arms across his chest as he fixes Namjoon with a stern look despite addressing you.  “You know where I am. Just shout, and I’ll be there.”  

“Thanks, Hobi,” you smile, and then you and Namjoon take your leave.  

The garden, as always, remains tranquil despite the worry in your heart.  Now that spring is on its way, the night-blooming flowers you’d planted last year are starting to thrive, releasing their sweet scent into the evening air.  Ahead, you can hear the faint trickle of the fountain and beyond it, the gentle creaking of a swing in the breeze - your final destination.  

In silence, you sit side by side.  The swing’s slatted seat is only made for two, forcing you to cosy up far more than you’d originally planned.  You’d been aware of Namjoon’s scent - far more than ever before thanks to your newly enhanced sense of smell - but now, sat so close, it’s almost overwhelming.  Warmly spiced and fragrant, it- 

“You’re not scared of me anymore, are you?”  Namjoon’s sudden observation interrupts your runaway thoughts, and when you sharply look up from where you’d been staring at his lap, you’re surprised by the crooked smile you find him wearing.  You hesitate under his scrutinising gaze, unsure of what to say, and Namjoon laughs at your lack of reply. “I mean, it would make sense.” Taking his hands out of his pockets, he uses one to hold onto the chain suspending the bench on which you sit as he begins to rock his weight back and forth - heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe - to gently move the swing.  “You’re even stronger than I am right now.”  

Is Namjoon right?  Are you really not so afraid of him anymore?  Taking a moment to examine how you’re feeling as the two of you quietly swing back and forth, you realise what he’s said is true.  You’ve been nervous, certainly. You’re still nervous, in fact. But scared? Not so much. You know, now, that should you ever need to defend yourself you’d be more than capable of doing so.  Your training sessions with Jin and Jungkook have certainly helped in that department, even without your added strength taken into account.  

“I guess you’re right,” you admit and again Namjoon smiles, looking down at his feet as he exhales a short, breathy laugh.  “And while we’re on the subject,” you continue, playing with the hem of your top where it lays across your lap, “Part of the reason I wanted you to come tonight was so that I could thank you… for that.”  Namjoon looks up and meets your gaze, brow furrowing slightly as his feet fall still and the swing's momentum ceases. “For saving me, again. For turning me.”  

He stares back at you, blinking once, twice, then thrice - like he can't quite figure out what he's meant to say.  

"... They told you it was me?" he finally asks, "Can't say I expected that." 

"I mean, they didn't so much tell me.  More like Jin and Jungkook just blurted it right out."  Namjoon laughs at your admission, fondly shaking his head. "But they didn't deny it when I confronted them, either.  And don't get me wrong, it's not as though this just-" You gesture vaguely with your hands, hoping he'll gather your meaning. "-Just… Makes up for everything that happened before."  

Namjoon's expression looks pained at the mere mention of his former transgressions.  He twists in his seat to face you more directly, clasping his hands together. 

 "I know-" he begins urgently.  

"But-" You interrupt his interruption, "-But I'm still grateful.  You didn't have to come back here and help the others find me. Could've just stood back and watched me die rather than turn me.  But you didn't." Namjoon straightens in his seat, glancing down at his feet and wringing his hands. "So yeah… thank you. Really." 

Namjoon releases his hands only to rub awkwardly at the arm of his sweater; a gesture far more human than you've ever seen from him before.  It's disarming - endearing, almost.  

"Well… you're welcome."  He meets your gaze, smiling cautiously.  

You get the feeling that this is one of the last things Namjoon had expected when Taehyung had invited them here, and if you're honest, you find it somewhat strangely satisfying to catch him so off guard.  You examine his face; the earnestness in his golden eyes and the shallow dimples of his cheeks - smile not quite broad enough yet to bring them out in full force. He looks well - better than you expected him to - and he scoffs a laugh when you tell him so.  

"I've looked better," he dismisses, leaning back into the swing's seat to restart it's slow back and forth motion. 

"Well, I can't imagine you've had it easy these past few weeks…" You shift in your seat, eyes cast down to watch your fingers busily playing with your bracelet. "Where've you been staying, anyway?" Just as you look up, Namjoon looks away, scratching distractedly at the side of his face. 

"Here and there," he answers, and you wonder if the evasiveness of his reply means he's been sleeping rough more often than not.  You hope that's not the case, despite all the bad things he's done.  

"Fair enough," you say when he offers no further explanation. "To be honest, I was surprised Tae even managed to find you.  I'd kind of expected you to have moved on already." Namjoon looks at you, thoughtful.  

"I thought about leaving. Finding a new place, a new life." 

"Why didn't you?" He pauses, smiling faintly before offering an answer.  

"I guess there was just something still holding me back," he says, and as self-absorbed as it might be, your mind can't help but jump to the conclusion that that means his reason for staying was you .  Whether you're happy or concerned about that, you can't quite figure out. "I've had… A lot of time to think since I left." Namjoon opens up his hands as he speaks and stares down at the lines etched in his palms. "A lot of time alone.  Done a lot of self-reflection." 

He pauses but you remain silent, realising that he probably has a lot more to say.  Somewhere off in the distance, you hear the sound of a small animal darting through the undergrowth, its little feet scurrying between the bushes under the cover of darkness.  

"You were right about what you said."  Your head whips round to face Namjoon when he finally speaks again, eyebrows rising in curiosity. "Before, when you said that I didn't love you, you were right." He looks up at you, a deep furrow between his brows. "At least, not in the way I should have done.  The way I treated you was… despicable. The things I did? Unforgivable."  

For a moment, Namjoon seems to forget himself - moves as if to reach out and take your hands but stops himself at the last moment and keeps them clenched in his lap, instead.  

"I never meant for it to go so far or to get so bad, but once I had that first taste of you… I… I just couldn’t stop," he explains, and now that he's opening it up it seems as though the words are tumbling over one another in their haste to come out. "I was so certain I was beyond saving.  Beyond capable of being loved even if I were deserving of it…" Namjoon's expression turns into one of pain, a sadness in his eyes as he looks back at you with the golden glow of fairy lights illuminating his face. The sight puts pain in your chest; an ache where your beating heart used to be.  “But then you came and I thought… maybe…” 

“There were already people here willing to love you, Namjoon,” you interject, shuffling closer, “Long before I ever arrived.”  He smiles ruefully.

“I realise that, now, but I took too long.  The damage is already done.” Namjoon shrugs his shoulders in defeat, still wearing that same sad smile as he leans forward to rest his forearms on his thighs, rubbing his palms together.  

You wish you knew what to say - wish you could offer him some comfort regardless of his worthiness of it - but you find yourself at a loss for words.  You can’t pretend as though his former relationships aren’t as in poor shape as he says. If he were to try to make amends, it would certainly be a long and difficult road - for all of them, not just Namjoon.  

“Back when I came to the bar to warn you, you asked me what I wanted,” he says suddenly, hair ruffling in the breeze as he turns his head to look up at you, “Do you remember?”  You recall the memory easily enough - there had only been that one occasion Namjoon had ever visited you at your workplace, invited or otherwise.  

“I haven’t come to start a fight.”

“Then what do you want?” 

“The same thing I’ve always wanted.” Is it vanity that makes you presume that he means you when he says that? 

“You said what you wanted the same thing you always do,” you recall aloud, embarrassment making you drop your gaze as you admit, “To be honest, I assumed you meant me.”  You hear Namjoon softly chuckle, and then suddenly he’s touching you - lifting your chin with the curl of his index finger to bring your gaze back to his. It doesn’t startle you as much as you’d anticipated it would; doesn’t inspire the fear you’d expected should his hands ever lay on you again.  

“A reasonable assumption,” he smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners until his expression becomes sombre once more.  Sighing, he lets his hand fall, linking his hands together where they dangle off the end of his lap. “But what I really meant was… family.  First, I lost my sister, then my parents. My friends - my brothers .  You.”  He falls silent again for a moment, shaking his head as it drops forward, obscuring his face from your view.  

“Namjoo-” 

“I’ve lost everyone.”  Namjoon sits up abruptly, and when he turns his face your way you swear you see a glassiness to his eyes. “And all through my own fault.”  

Looking back at him now, you realise Namjoon really was right - you’re not afraid of him at all anymore.  If anything, you feel sorry for him.  No one deserves to spend an entire eternity alone, whether or not their exile was somewhat… self-inflicted.  Maybe… maybe if...

He shifts in his seat, seemingly uncomfortable under the intensity of your gaze.  

“I don’t expect you to say anything,” he says when the silence has gone on too long, “I know I don’t deserve-”  

“I can’t speak for the others-” You stop him mid-sentence, and Namjoon settles back down into his seat having almost stood up to leave, his expression one of cautious curiosity.  “-But I’d like to believe no one is ever totally beyond redemption.”   

Redemption.  The word is like kindling to the fragile ember of hope that flickers in Namjoon’s eyes at the mere mention of it.  

“I still want to think that somewhere inside you, deep down, is the Namjoon who cared for his sister so much that he did everything he could to save her.  Who offered his brothers immortality rather than face losing them, too.” You smile meekly. “Who saved me, knowing that to do so he would be putting his own life at risk.”  

Namjoon’s eyes search yours, though you’re not certain what it is he’s looking for.  The trace of a lie, maybe? That you’re just humouring him out of pity? Giving him false hope?  You hope he knows you better than to think you’re the sort of person that would.  

Finally, after what feels like minutes have gone by, he sighs.  

“I want to believe you.” There’s a raw, vulnerable edge to his voice when he speaks, twisting his body to better face you.  “I want… to be better. I want to… to be a man who’s deserving of your love, even if… even if I never have it.”  

“Namjoon…” 

It’s instinctive, the way you reach out - the way you gently place your hand on his cheek.  Namjoon leans into it, eyes closing for just a moment, and you just can’t help it, how your heart bleeds for him.  You should be less affected - should feel colder and more apathetic towards this man who betrayed you so badly - but you just… can’t.  There are many unflattering things people could call you, many faults that they could name, but they could never accuse you of being cold or unfeeling.  It’s just not in your nature. Perhaps some might say that’s a fault in itself, but here you are regardless.  

You wish, in another life - one where less mistakes were made and fewer hearts were broken - that you were able to hold him.  Promise to give Namjoon all the love he so sorely needs to be so that maybe, one day, he might be able to heal. 

But there’s too much water under the bridge.  Even if Namjoon were one day to come back into all of your lives, it could never be the way it was before.  You can’t be that person for him anymore. It’s time for you to both move on, once and for all.  

“Joonie,” you say again, ever so softly, and when he opens his eyes it makes your chest hurt all the more to see how desperately hopeful he looks.  “I can forgive you for what you did. I need to, for both our sakes.” Namjoon smiles, lifting his hand to place it over yours where it lingers on his cheek, but when you start to pull away his expression falters, brow creasing in confusion.  “But I can’t just forget it. Not yet.”  

You hope the implication that maybe one day that might change helps to soften the blow as you fold your hands together in your lap, offering him a sympathetic smile that at first, he turns away from.  Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath as though to collect himself, and you find yourself on edge, wondering if your rejection will be taken as badly as it was once before.  

“I understand.”  Turns out, you needn’t of worried.  Namjoon looks sad, certainly, but there’s a resignedness about him that you find reassuring - especially when he huffs a laugh and admits, “I’d probably think you were a fool if you’d said differently.”  You laugh as well, knowing he’s right, and it feels as though a weight has been lifted as you sit up straight and run both hands through your hair, breathing out a sigh.  

“Can I be honest with you?” Namjoon asks and instantly you nod, giving him your full attention.  “For the first time in almost thirty years… I have no idea what to do. I wasn’t happy before, but at least looking after the others kept me busy.  Now there’s just… nothing.” He licks his lips, wetting them. “It’s freeing, but it’s also really fucking terrifying.”  

“I get that.”  And you do. Without the others to keep you company, you’re not sure what on earth you’d do to pass the time for the rest of all eternity.  “I know it’s pretty vague advice, but personally? I’d really like to see you start living again. Find something good , something for you to pour all that passion into.”  You smile as you playfully knock your thigh against his, pleased when Namjoon does the same back.  “You’ve got too bright a mind to dwell on such dark thoughts all the time, Joon.”  

“I’m not sure where I’d even start…  But something good sounds…” He shrugs his shoulders, offering you a lopsided grin. “... good, I guess.” 

“And there’s something else I wanted to speak to you about, as well.”  You call out loudly to summon Hosoek, and within seconds he comes running towards you, eyes wild and fists already raised in preparation to fight.  “Hobi, it’s ok,” you reassure quickly as Namjoon puts hands up in surrender - a gesture that for some reason has you holding back the urge to giggle.  Hesitantly, Hoseok lets his arms fall back to his sides and relaxes his posture, all the while his gaze flitting between you and Namjoon as though to doubly make sure that everything is as ok as you say it is. 

“Everything alright?”  

“Do you remember that talk we had yesterday?  About my old apartment?” Eyebrows furrowing slightly, he nods. “Turns out, Jimin never stopped paying the lease, just in case I ever changed my mind and wanted to leave,” you explain, turning to Namjoon, and it makes you smile to see the way his eyes start to widen as it dawns on him what you’re about to offer. “It’s yours, if you want it, and so is your share of the manor's wealth.”  Namjoon’s head turns to look at Hoseok, incredulous. “Hobi and I have already spoken about it. It’s only fair."  

"You don't have to do this," Namjoon says quickly, eyes flitting rapidly back and forth between you and Hoseok. "Really. I'll be fine." 

"We know we don't have to," Hoseok smiles, folding his arms across his chest.  

"But we want to," you correct, pleased when Hoseok nods his agreement. "You saved my life, now we're giving you an opportunity to turn things around and save yours.  We can call it even." 

"I'm not sure that's right." Despite his disagreement with your sentiment Namjoon can't seem to help but smile. "I think I still owe you rather a lot more than you do me." 

"Most likely," you grin in return.  Standing, you reach down into your back pocket to retrieve the keys you'd stashed away earlier; a silver pair that jingle against the penguin engraved disc of your keyring as they're dropped into Namjoon's open, waiting hand. "Just to warn you, there'll be an awful lot of plushies waiting for you. You might want to redecorate." 

"I'm sure it'll all be very… you," Namjoon laughs, joining you on your feet.  Falling silent, he looks down at the keys in his hand and you see his shoulders move with the weight of the breath he takes.  "Thank you." He looks so sincere as he meets your gaze again, closing his fist and then pressing it to his chest as his other hand reaches for yours.  He squeezes when you grant it to him, smiling once more as you squeeze back just as tight. 

"We should probably head back inside," you say after a beat or two have passed - sufficient enough time to memorise the feel of Namjoon's hand wrapped around yours. "The others are probably going out of their minds by now." 

"Are you kidding?" Hoseok laughs as he falls into step with you as the three of you head back towards the house, "I can hear Jimin's teeth grinding from here." 

You re-enter the house together, a seed of hope taking root in your heart at the amenable way Namjoon and Hoseok are able to converse back and forth, almost as if the last few weeks had never happened.

"Once you're settled, I'll call you to discuss the finer details, and when-"  You're distracted from their talk of practicalities by Nova’s sudden high-pitched meowing, and on looking to your right you see her coming towards you down the hall with her sleek black tail swaying gently behind her as she walks, her intelligent eyes glinting as they catch the light.  

“Hi Nova,” you greet, stopping the other vampires in their tracks when they hear you speak.  Meowing again, she winds her way between your ankles as you smile down at her, brushing against your legs with each turn of her limber body until finally, you bend to pick her up, scooping her into your arms.  Namjoon approaches her with a fond smile, waiting for you to nod before reaching out to give her the fussing she truly desires, and you laugh at the sheer volume of her purrs as she rubs the side of her face against every part of him she can reach, nibbling at the tips of his outstretched fingers.  

“I think she’s missed you,” you comment and Namjoon chuckles, giving a firm scratch to the underside of her chin.  

“The feelings mutual,” he purrs back at her, lavishing her in affection for just a few moments longer before finally dragging himself away - fingers restless at his sides you make your way back to the entrance hall, as though he almost wishes they were still in amongst her fur.  

The others seem to barely have moved since you left them.  They linger at the bottom of the staircase, chatting amongst themselves, but when Yeontan barks at having spotted Nova from across the room, silence abruptly falls. 

“Is everything ok?” Urgently, Jimin comes toward you with hands outstretched, laying both on your shoulders to keep you at arm’s length while he surveys your wellbeing, a furrow in his brow.  

“I’m fine, Jimin,” you reassure softly, offering him a small smile as he meets your eyes, searching them for confirmation.  “Really. We’re fine.” He nods, still looking somewhat uncertain, yet he releases you nonetheless, stepping back so that Namjoon is able to step forward and address the group.  

It’s sad how suspiciously they regard him, though you completely understand why they do.  You’re sure Namjoon understands, too, and to his credit, he appears to be doing his best to ignore the stony silence he’s met with - or at least not let it bother him.  

“I know it’ll never be enough to make up for all the things I’ve done,” he begins, gesticulating restlessly with his hands as he talks, “But… nonetheless, I wanted to say I’m sorry.  To all of you. For everything.” Shuffling their feet, the group as a whole looks unsure of how to respond to Namjoon’s apology. Taehyung’s focusing all his attention on Yeontan whilst Jungkook avoids eye contact altogether; Jimin’s stony faced whilst Jin’s is impossible to read.  It’s only Yoongi who meets Namjoon eye for eye and nods his head in acknowledgement. Yoongi, who almost died at the younger vampire’s hands, and yet has remained kind enough - soft-hearted enough - to at least hear his apology out.  

Namjoon’s smiles gratefully, bobbing his head in return, and when Yoongi glances your way you mouth a ‘thank you’ that the dark-haired vampire shrugs his shoulders to, feigning nonchalance.  

“I should go,” Namjoon declares when no one volunteers any further reply, recognising that at least for now, reconciliation remains a lost cause.  You follow after him as he heads towards the door, Nova still cradled in your arms, and as he reaches for the handle you quickly call out,

“Don’t be a stranger, ok?”  He pauses, twisting to look back at you and the vampires stood at your rear.  “I mean… it’ll take time for things to get better but…” You glance at the others around you before looking back to Namjoon, smiling kindly, “That’s something we’ve all got plenty of.”  Namjoon chuckles fondly and in the small of your back you feel a hand being placed, rubbing gently up and down.  

“That we have, little one,” he smiles, and even after all this time - all that’s happened - that nickname still stirs something within you.  It’s not lust, and it’s certainly not love, but a feeling of… nostalgia, almost.   

With one final parting look, Namjoon turns to leave, pulling open the heavy front doors and stepping out into the night.  Before he can disappear into the dark, however, Nova begins to squirm restlessly in your arms, letting out a loud series of meows more akin to wails. 

Namjoon stops in his tracks.  

Looking down, you see Nova peering up you imploringly with those green, intelligent eyes of hers, and you’re sure it’s just your imagination, but you feel almost as if she’s trying to tell you something as she meows again, tail swishing.  

“Joon?”  You go after him, not stopping until he’s within arms reach - close enough to allow the wriggling Nova to gracefully leap out of your grasp and into the embrace of a very startled Namjoon.  

“W-what-?” he stammers as he hastily rearranges his arms to accommodate the feline form curling up against his chest.  The sight of him so flustered and caught off guard is so endearing that you can’t help but start to grin, pressing your lips together in an attempt to stifle the laughter bubbling up inside your lungs.  

“I think the lady hath spoken,” you observe as Nova rubs her face against Namjoon’s jaw, her meows now deep, rumbling purrs of contentment.  He strokes her despite his utter bewilderment, long fingers carding through her fur, and watching the two of them you know for certain that letting her go is the right idea.  What better way to slowly soften Namjoon’s heart and give him purpose than for him to have something to care for all of his own? “Look after her, ok?” He looks up from the cat cradled in his arms.  

“Are you sure?” he asks and when you nod, he smiles so hard that for the first time since he got here, you finally get a flash of Namjoon’s infamous dimples.  “Thank you. Really,” he says earnestly, and as Namjoon wishes you goodbye, his golden eyes take one long, last lingering look up and down your form before he turns, takes his leave, and you softly close the door.  

Turning the key in the lock, a heavy exhale leaves your lungs, and for a moment you stand with one hand pressed to the door and eyes closed to gather yourself.  You’re so relieved that it’s impossible not to smile despite the nagging worry at the back of your mind that Jimin might be upset at you just having given away what was originally his gift to you, but just as it starts to push to the forefront and cause your smile to falter, Jimin’s voice rings soft in your ear.  

“That was really kind, what you just did.”  You turn in the embrace of his arms as they settle around your waist, looking up into eyes that await you.  

“Really?  You’re not upset?”   

“No, kitten,” he assures, leaning down to rest his forehead on yours, a smile tugging at his lips, “I’m not upset.  Though, you’re awfully pious for the creature of the night, you know.”

“You make it sound like a bad thing.”  Smiling, you circle your arms around him too and Jimin begins to sway almost as if the two of you are dancing, hips swinging side to side.  

“Aside from making the rest of us look bad... of course not.”  Jimin’s lips find yours in a sweet, fleeting kiss, and when he pulls away his eyes are practically glowing with affection, cheeks full and rounded with happiness.  “If anything, it only makes me love you more.”  

Yoongi appears at your side, nuzzling into the crook of your neck with a low hum of agreement.  

“What about you, oppa ?” you ask teasingly, tilting your head in order to find his lips and speak against them.  

“You already know how we feel, princess.”  Yoongi nips at your bottom lip when you whine, chuckling deep down low.  Yes, of course you know - but that doesn’t mean you don’t like to hear it out loud.  “You know we adore you,” he whispers as Jimin assaults the other side of your neck with soft, lingering kisses.  “We cherish you, all of us.”  

Your two lovers pull away to reveal the rest of the group watching on; fond smiles on their faces, Jin’s chest puffed up with pride beneath the arms he’s folded across them.  Seeing them all there safe, happy and smiling - your family, your friends, your lovers, your everythings - it’s almost enough to bring you to tears.  Never would you have thought yourself capable of being able to love someone so much, or be so blessed as to receive so much love in return.

You’re so lucky.  So, so lucky.  

“Careful,” you say, blinking back the sting in your eyes, “You’re going to make me cry in a minute.”  

“Well we wouldn’t want that, would we, kitten?” Jimin teases, taking your hand in his and squeezing it tight as Yoongi claims your other, linking his fingers with yours.  “Anyone up for some pool?”  

Almost in perfect unison, your beloved vampires throw their hands up in the air - Jungkook shouting his enthusiasm with a ‘let’s get it!’ so loud that it almost makes you jump.  

“Dibs not with Jin-hyungie, ” Hoseok sing-songs up ahead as you make your way towards the hall, cue indignant shrieking from the eldest of the group and laughter from the rest.  

God, you love them.  You love them, you love them, you love them .  

“I love you,” you call out to them, unable to contain the affection that’s overflowing within you, tugging on your lover’s hands to pull them ever closer to your sides.  You can’t imagine anywhere else they should ever be - anywhere else that you could ever belong.  

“We love you!” Taehyung shouts back, and in his arms, Yeontan yelps his wholehearted agreement.  Up ahead, Jungkook throws his arms around Jin’s shoulders to drag him down low enough to ruffle his hair as they walk, insisting,

“But I’m still her favourite, you know?” 

****************************************************************************************

*deep breath*

Oh, I hope you liked it...

Please, it would mean so much to me to hear your thoughts. Whether it just be about the ending or maybe you've been a silent reader all this time, I'd so love to know what you've made of all of this. I've been writing this fic for two and a half years and finally drawing it to a close has me feeling... pretty emotional to say the least.

Stay tuned for the short epilogue that I'll hopefully be posting once I return from my vacation.

I love you guys. I really do. Thank you for all your unending support - whether you've only just found this fic or whether you've been here since the start. Love you <3

[cto10121]

Mercutio and Romeo’s Battle of Wits: Or, the Mercutio-Romeo-Benvolio brOTP

Or, Mercutio Misses Romeo Something Fierce As His Main Bro Because Romeo Is Not A Whiny Wimpy Stick-In-the-Mud and Is Actually Very Fun To Be Around and Benvolio Is Good and All, but He’s Just Not The Same(tm), You Know?

So the first half of Act 2, Scene 4, when Mercutio and Romeo have a game of wits before the Nurse enters gets cut or abridged a lot, for obvious reasons. The double entendres and witty Elizabethan wordplay are very difficult for even great actors to convey them to an audience, and they don’t seem to serve a narrative or thematic function apart from “two bros just being bros!!!” That bit of the scene just feels like filler safely cut or abridged in order to jump to the Nurse’s entrance and thus the plot. R&J the play, after all, is long; the whole play done completely is usually touching three hours. Cuts are always necessary, and for the most part it’s justifiable.

But I’m not going to lie, I like this bit a lot. Always have. Not only do we get Mercutio’s attitude toward Tybalt and his growing concern over Romeo’s love doldrums, but we get another side of Romeo hitherto unknown to us: Romeo being witty and fun and actually roasting Mercutio good, even besting him in a game of wits. And Mercutio actually being happy about it and just surrendering the battle to Romeo (!!!) What is this cinnamon roll of an exchange, too pure for this world, doing in an otherwise heavy tragedy? Are Romeo and Mercutio out of character just for some punny times? Not at all! The punny times are entirely necessary narrative and thematic-wise, sets up the tragedy, and shows needed nuance and dimension to both characters and the Montacrew in general.

Where the Fuck Is Romeo Seriously, I’m Getting Kinda Worried

So we begin the scene with Mercutio right away wanting to know where Romeo is:

Mercutio. Where the devil should this Romeo be? Came he not home tonight?

Benvolio. Not to his father’s, I spoke with his man.

Mercutio. Why, that same pale, hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline, torments him so that he will sure run mad.

It’s really hard not to read even a little bit of concern in that first question past the bluster, but in case you missed it, Shakespeare makes it explicit by having Mercutio blame Rosaline and worrying that Romeo’s love for her is driving him crazy. Once again, we get the sense that Romeo was not really himself pre-Juliet, and that, according to Mercutio, this is something to be concerned about.

We then segue into news that Tybalt has challenged Romeo via letter. Benvolio expresses confidence that Romeo would fight him, but Mercutio has doubts:

Mercutio. Alas, poor Romeo, he is already dead! Stabbed with a white wench’s black eye, shot through the ear with a love song, the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow boy’s butt shaft—and is he a man to encounter Tybalt?

Once again Mercutio switches to troll mode and characterizes Romeo’s love angst over Rosaline as him “being dead” (“the ape is dead!”)—which would be dramatic, to say the least, except that the tone is humorous/satiric. But it does betray an anxiety on Mercutio’s part and gives the understanding that whatever Romeo’s infatuation with Rosaline was, it was not “typically” Romeo, at least according to Mercutio and by implication Benvolio, since he doesn’t challenge it. When Romeo finally enters, Mercutio continues his satiric portrait:

Benvolio. Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo!

Mercutio. Without his roe, like a dry herring. O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified!

We get it, we get it, Romeo has turned a lameass pussy by ~love. But unbeknownst to Mercutio but knownst to us, Romeo is not the same guy of previous acts. How will Julietsimplord!Romeo react to Mercutio? This is going to be good.

Mah Bruh is Back and He’s…Fucking Roasting Me?

So we get the first encounter.

Mercutio. Signior Romeo, bonjour! There’s some French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.

Romeo. Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

Mercutio. The slip, sir, the slip. Can you not conceive?

Romeo’s greeting is polite, open, but unconcerned, perhaps a bit breezy, perhaps humoring. Notice how Romeo before has given Mercutio a ton of slack for his satiric mocking—his only critical comment so far in the play is “He jests at scars that never felt a wound,” which can read almost as dismissive (this in contrast to Benvolio’s worry that Mercutio would anger Romeo by talking about Rosaline lewdly). Either way, he responds to Mercutio’s acerbic queries about him ditching them straightforwardly and without heat.

Romeo. Pardon me, good Mercutio. My business was great, and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.

Mercutio. That’s as much to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.

Notice how Mercutio doesn’t ask Romeo directly about what his business was, but rather assumes that it was sexual (“bow in the hams,” to flex his butt cheeks). Again, typical of Mercutio, but it does justify a little why Romeo, at this point in the story, does not immediately tell Mercutio and Benvolio about Juliet. And also why he says this instead:

Romeo. Meaning, to curtsy.

Mercutio. Thou hast most kindly hit it.

Romeo is 100% trolling here, doing a Mercutio, in fact by pretending to take another meaning—oh, yeah, you obviously mean curtsying, right???? This marks the first reply in which he doesn’t answer openly, but instead answers slyly. Mercutio answers accordingly with an equally troll-y, “Oh yeah, that’s definitely what I meant, super PG” *snort*

Romeo. A most courteous exposition.

Mercutio. Nay, I’m the very pink of courtesy.

Romeo. Pink for flower.

Mercutio. Right.

Romeo. Why, then is my pump well flowered.

My Burton Raffel edition, infuriatingly enough, only gives one definition of “pump” as shoe, but make no mistake—Romeo also obviously means “dick” (the pump, I think, being the “head” part of the shoe, and thus….you get the idea). Mercutio is immediately excited—Romeo is speaking his language now.

Mercutio. Sure wit, follow me this jest now till thou had worn out thy pump, that, when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after the wearing, solely singular.

Romeo. O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness!

Mercutio. Come between us, good Benvolio, my wits faint.

Romeo. Swits and spurs, swits and spurs, or I cry a match.

Mercutio. Nay, if our wits run the wild goose chase, I am done, for thou hast more of the wild goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five.

Barely does the game of wits begin when Mercutio seems to give up, and now Romeo is the one urging him playfully to keep going or else *he* wins. Mercutio could just be joking about needing to be “rescued” by Benvolio, but he does say explicitly that nah, Romeo is just too witty today to continue to “chase” the joke, or the goose (“wild goose chase” eventually became a cliché all on its own, and it’s really just a throwaway line).

And now for my absolute favorite Romeo retort:

Mercutio. Was I ever with you there for the goose?

Romeo. Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose.

“Was I ever with you for the game?” “Bitch, you weren’t with me for anything but the pussy!!!!!” “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!”

Mercutio. I will bite thee in the ear for that jest.

Romeo. Nay, good goose, bite not.

“I’ll fucking jump you for that” “A pussy jump on me??? Oh no, I’m ~scared” 🤣

Mercutio. Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting, it is a most sharp sauce.

Romeo. And is it not, then, well served in to a sweet goose?

“Your game has some spice, bro” “Like the spice they’ll put on you after cooking your ass????” 🤣

Mercutio. O here’s a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell narrow to an ell broad.

Romeo. I stretch it out for that word “broad,” which, added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.

“You’re stretching that joke so damn much it’s going to break” “As much as I’ll stretch your stupid ass out because you’re the joke, bro!!!!!!” 🤣

And then comes the end of the game of wits with the final twist:

Mercutio. Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? Now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo, now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature.

“Jokes on you, bro, I’m into that shit!!! (Seriously, though, glad you’re back, bro, omfg, finally)”

Conclusions

So now for some wrap-up:

Mercutio in the beginning of the scene thinks the Romeo he knew is lost or “dead” by love. This has been established before in the after the ball scene, but here it is explicit—The Romeo he knows is gone and replaced by a pussy all over Rosaline’s pussy. Not good. There is also more than a trace of concern and worry—Mercutio is the one who asks for Romeo, and not Benvolio, the guy’s own cousin.

Mercutio is not upset by Romeo beating him at the game of wits and in fact gives in rather too easily. It’s not too clear why Mercutio does this. Mercutio has been established as a witty, satiric character. Romeo is as verbally dexterous as he is, if not more so, but his wit is warm and expressive, not satiric. His roasts and shade are playful and good-natured for the most part. By all accounts, Mercutio should have won the skirmish. It could be that he is too happy with Romeo actually making witty puns to care about winning, but personally I think Mercutio would be too proud of his verbal acrobatics, to concede that easily and make himself a willing target for Romeo’s roast (especially since he has roasted Romeo so damn hard these past scenes). It’s not like Mercutio to go easy on Romeo or even anyone, as he proves with his roasting Tybalt and even ragging on Benvolio. It could be Shakespeare is slyly characterizing Mercutio as a character who can give it out, but not take it, hence his backing down so easily, (“Okay, okay, you win!”) but usually that type of character responds with impatience and even anger. Mercutio’s replies are too amused for that. Perhaps he was too surprised by Romeo suddenly taking a page out of his book after scenes of him just angsting—to his perspective, but not ours, this does seem to come out of nowhere. But his replies don’t sound like someone who is surprised at all by this show of wit by a good-natured friend—on the contrary, it is taken as proof that the friend is back.

By the end of the exchange, Mercutio believes Romeo is more himself again. Not entirely, as he does cast further shade on his infatuation with Rosaline, but he is genuinely glad to see Romeo act more like himself again. We are once again reinforced with the notion that the mopey Romeo with Rosaline and even the radiantly lovestruck Romeo with Juliet is not the Romeo his friends have known. We receive proof of this: Romeo can and will throw shade over you for a song.

Not going to lie: I am here for all of this.

So I think it’s fair to conclude, based on the above information, that Mercutio has missed Romeo, perhaps something awful. His constant ragging on him for Rosaline and being mopey (lovers aren’t even supposed to be sad, wtf man) and his asking for him and just generally talking almost exclusively about him (that could just be his supporting character role, though) supports that. His joy at Romeo roasting him also characterizes a key component of their friendship and dynamic hitherto missing or not as present: Jokes, teasing, puns, wordplay, outright roasting when called for.

Not only is bro bonhomie clearly established (brohomie!), but also the macho culture—this exchange is far from locker room talk, more focused on wordplay than crude expression, but it does set up the dynamics of the duel scene and Mercutio’s motivations. Mercutio is most happy when Romeo performs masculinity through puns, wordplay, and roasting; when he doesn’t, or refuses to take stand in the defense of his honor, that’s when Mercutio gets frazzled. This is not because he believes Romeo is inherently a wimp—far from it, as he clearly expects Romeo, once he seems unstuck from the quagmire that is Rosaline, to duel Tybalt. He is unsurprised when Romeo throws shade on him right back, and is even pleased. So it’s shocking and disturbing for him when Romeo refuses to step up as he had done in previous scenes to fight the likes of Tybalt, for seemingly no good reason.

On a related note, expectation is noticeably absent in Mercutio’s own dynamic with Benvolio, whom he sees as helper and abettor of his wit and decisions, a soundboard, and a quasi-sidekick (“come, shall we go?” “Come between us, good Benvolio, my wits faint” “Help me into some house, Benvolio, / Or I shall faint”). When he does rag on Benvolio for his supposed sword-happy temper, Benvolio does not rise to his bait or roast him back, but gives only mildly amused replies, if gently pointed, to Mercutio’s surly displeasure.

Benvolio. An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man should buy the fee simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.

Mercutio. The fee simple? O simple!

Mercutio may want to fight someone badly enough to go after Benvolio, but he also wants a challenge, the excitement of a back-and-forth of wits—hell, even for someone to tell him he is full of shit if so he could hit back. Perhaps that’s what Mercutio needs and perhaps secretly desires: Someone to roast him and tell him to shut the fuck up every once in a while. But would Romeo do this?

Nurse. I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this that was so full of his ropery?

Romeo. A gentleman, Nurse, that loves to hear himself talk and will speak more in a minute than he would stand to in a month.

The answer is yes. Yes, he would.

R&J Adaptations’ Weirdness with This Exchange

So why the difficulty retaining this fun exchange? Well, Romeo talking about well-flowered pumps and Mercutio just happily taking his roasts goes against the usual romantic!Romeo and charismatictroll!Mercutio characterization of earlier scenes. Even in adaptations that do keep this part of the scene, they tend either to brush it by (Baz Lurhmann) or even mischaracterize it a bit to keep it consistent with the interpretation of the characters as established (Zeffirelli). McEnery’s Mercutio in the Zeffirelli is in control and dominant all of the way through, and one of his lines (“Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting, it is a most sharp sauce”) is given to Romeo instead. The Baz Lurhmann plays it only broadly in terms of group male camaraderie and not so much Mercutio-Romeo dynamics; Benvolio does not participate in the game of wits and is by all accounts just vibing (my personal troll headcanon is he is keeping track of the game of wits on a slate. 2 Romeo, 1 Mercutio, that sort of thing).

Also, perhaps due to Mercutio being on Romeo’s case for most of the play and his being a lil’ shit at points, some adaptations take a weird Ho Yay approach to the dynamic, especially productions that make Mercutio gay or queer. If so, then productions have to do a lot of heavy lifting to interpret Mercutio’s gleeful/amused roasting of Romeo, his lewd blazon of Rosaline, and his anger at Romeo’s loss of honor in refusing to fight Tybalt as signs of romantic love towards Romeo. Romeo’s own emotional independence from his friends and his willingness to roast Mercutio also works against this interpretation. Thus another reason why this exchange is often cut or abridged (although the Globe Theater just decided to go ahead and have Mercutio roll all over Romeo while Romeo is roasting him as a shameless pussy chaser in this scene, because of course that makes perfect sense. Is it any wonder why I don’t like most R&J productions and adaptations?).

The only adaptation I know that gets the camaraderie and dynamics even close to right is the French musical (and to a certain extent, the Hungarian version) through that earworm and evergreen bop, Les Rois du Monde. It captures the spirit of their friendship and youthful zeal so delightfully. Mercutio, Benvolio, and Romeo were so well cast you can identify which is which at a glance—and they are literally as far as from my personal faceclaims for them as you can get, and it’s great. Presgurvic didn’t have to go that hard, but he did and it was glorious.

TL;DR

Mercutio roasts him, Romeo enters, they trade quips and wordplay, Romeo roasts him, Mercutio is too happy to gaf, and everything is character-building fun that will pay off very nicely later on, except that versions and productions can’t make the puns and wordplay comprehensible so they prefer to cut or abridge it (ten points from Gryffindor). And all because Mercutio actually misses Romeo and wants his bro back. Bruh.