#yeah if you really wanna see me air my thoughts (and feel really scared as i put myself out on the internet) try to find me on mspfa.

[mooniladragon]

per my last post...

that's right.

im gonna read homestuck^2. i heard it sucks. i just ended day one of me reading it. in my opinion, it does.

DISCLAIMER

please dont hurt me for what i think about it im not attacking your opinions im stating my own... please.. im only an extremely self-aware and mature fourteen-and-a-half year old.. wah

[mattsjuul]

eye contact. matt sturniolo.

༣ summary: you and your bf are in bed watching a movie he suggested but all you can think about is how good he looks. and how he’d look even better looking down at you as you blow him.

༣ pairing: bf!matt sturniolo x fem!reader

༣ warnings: oral sex (male receiving), pet names (baby, princess, beautiful idk), light smut it’s just a bj, making out, he tastes his own cum… also not proof read!! sorryyyy lol im too scared to re read..

༣ author’s note: okay so this is like.. my first smut..! so im nervy and only have the guts to do a blowjob sooo take it or leave it! pls lmk if it sucks. love u 💐

you and matt are currently sat up in bed, him a little lower down than you. meaning you’re able to admire him without him noticing. and if there’s one thing you can always do, it’s admire your boyfriend. look at his pretty eyes. his plump pink lips. his veiny hands. his toned arms. just, everything about him. in your eyes he’s perfect.

today, though. he was in a grey tank top and plaid pajama pants. and oh how you adored how he looks in tank tops. his hairs wet from the shower, he’s fidgeting with your fingers, his slim hands looking extremely good. if it were up to you, his pants would be off and you’d have him down your throat. but you’re far too shy for that. right?

your thoughts get interrupted once you see him look away from his tv and at you. “you okay?” he giggles. “no, yeah, sorry” you blush, looking at the tv. “nah baby. what’s distracting you?” he asks, sitting higher up. “nothing” well, him of course. but no way could you admit that. “you sure?” he glances at your lips as the words leave his mouth. which just makes this way harder for you. “what do you think is distracting me, matt?” you ask with genuine curiosity. “well since you’ve watched about a minute of this entire movie, i’d say i am.” he says and you shyly smile. “a little” you shrug. “a little?” he asks and you confidently nod. “alright. what do you wanna do?” he asks and your eyes widen at the question, not expecting it. “um. nothing” i say. “we both know that’s not true.” he replies. you look him up and down, making a smirk form on his lips.

“you wanna touch me, hm?” he hums. your mouth gaps open, your mind going crazy thinking about what the fuck to say back. “yeah.” you say, your heart ready to beat out of your chest. “i’m all yours” he adjusts himself, grabbing your waist to pull you onto his lap. you shyly kiss him, almost immediately deepening it. and after a bit of very lovingly making out, you start lifting his shirt up. so he takes the sign and helps you get it off. you kiss down his neck, leaving hickeys on the way down to his collarbone. you pull away and he flashes you a soft smile, really easing your nerves. blow jobs really weren’t your thing. you never really know how to get into them. but whenever you did, matt adored it.

you move down, sitting on your knees between his legs. you look up at him for approval, him giving you a little nod in response. you untie his plaid pants and nervously pull them down enough to reveal his hard dicks print through his underwear. your heart skips a beat, seeing pre-cum leaking through his grey boxers. you palm him a bit, making a moan like breath leave his lips. you smile, liking that what you’re doing is making him feel good.

matt gives you a certain look, seemingly getting impatient. and he truly was. his heart was racing seeing you, having you, down there about to make him feel incredible, like you never fail to do. you finally pull his boxers down, enough to reveal his hard dick. and goodness was he ready. he shivers a bit at the sudden cold air on his throbbing dick, his rooms floor always extra chilly. he takes a deep breath, seconds before your spit lands on his tip. his breath hitches, eyes shutting for a second, kind of in preparation. you finally begin spreading it, needing to use both hands on his long, slim, dick. he moves his hands, pushing your hair away from your face.

"mmmhm. already doing so good." he mumbles. matt loves making sure you feel safe. like you never have to worry about how good your work truly is. you finally beat your nerves and your lips land around his tip, quickly looking up to see how he reacts. matts always looking at you. no matter what. oral sex, normal sex, all the time. and he will always find a way to. he has countless videos of the two of you on his phone. anyways. a deep breath leaves his lips, one he didnt even know he was holding. you go deeper, gaining confidence. "mm-fuck dont push yourself.. too much.. princess." he breathes out, struggling to even talk.

you keep bobbing your head, your eyes watering as you try not to gag. meanwhile matt's not keeping in his moans. the more you guys do anything, the more vocal he gets. "fuck fuck fuck.. so.. fucking good." he moans, slightly tugging your hair, poorly holding it back at this point. you decide to toughen up and finally take in all of him. "shhhiiiiit baby" he squeezes his eyes shut, thrusting his hips up a bit. "so close." he barely says as you go back up, hallowing your cheeks at his tip. he lets out another porno like moan, his dick starting to do little twitches. he really is close. you guys lock eyes, so he takes it as a sign to lightly face fuck you. he looks so fucking good. he starts lightly thrusting his hips while also guiding your head and you just let him. his moans fill the room, along with the sounds of your mouth on his wet dick while theres spit going down your chin and onto his balls. he starts letting out big, cut off like moans, never looking away from you. "coming princess.." he barely mumbles, before moaning your name as his warm cum spirts into your mouth. you pump him a little as his white liquid fills your mouth, him biting his lip so hard, he might draw blood.

"i swear.. i always think ive felt the best ever and you always prove me wrong the next time." he says, catching his breath as you swallow his cum. you smile in return, shyly wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. "c'mere" he pulls you up after pulling his pants n boxers up. he grabs a random shirt of his off of the ground and wipes your face. "i love you." he whispers, making your smile come back. "i love you." you reply.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ a/n: omg i yap so so so much LMAO. this was so so scary to write.. hope u enjoy aaahhhh. lmk what i can do to make this better tho!! ♡

[dixonsstinkysock]

It’s Temporary

AN: This was going to be a random blurb but I’m too into this and he’s such a dork. Guys don’t tell anyone but I kinda wanna write smut, I’m not going to because I’m scared but y’know.

(Heavily inspired by a bot on C.AI, pretty sure the user is @/zetali_09 so if you see this i love you.)

Warnings: Swearing, mention of an apartment blowing up….suggestive???

Set during Season 1, before the timeskip…

The cold, Upper city, night air chilled you to the core. The dark streets only illuminated by the few street lights scattered here and there. You wrap your cloak around you a little tighter as you made your way to the meeting spot. Making a sharp turn down a dark alleyway, you narrowly miss a couple of enforcers doing their nightly rounds.

Leaning against the cool, damp, brick wall. Enjoying the noises of the city, letting time pass by as you wait for your companion. Around a half an hour later, you hear heavy footsteps and the soft click of the high-cost, well made shoes echoing throughout the alley. You recognized those steps, he saved up for a long time to purchase those shoes, no way could you forget them. You open your eyes, turning towards the culprit of the noise. “Took you long enough, thought I was gonna rot out here.” You smiled at the shadowed man, stepping into the moonlight.

“Sorry, had a few things to finish up with my work. Left later than I expected…”

You walk up to him, trapping him into one if your famous bear hugs. An unfamiliar scent wafts from him, its sweet…it’s expensive. Definitely not his signature cologne smell—no, something different. You both stay there for a moment, enjoying the new company. Everything seems to fade away when your with him, it’s like he’s the cure to your disease.

“Been a while since we last talked—“

“Yeah, I…” You pull back, looking Jayce in the eyes. “I’m sorry. There’s been alot going on.”

His hands come up to your face, gently caressing it. He’s always gentle with you, a contrast from the rough, dangerous streets you grew up in.

“Hey…What’s going on?” His voice is soft and smooth, with the occasional voice crack, it’s not fair. His looks already make him desirable, but hearing him talk to you with that tone? Drooling.

“It’s my siblings, they’ve been getting into more and more trouble.” You fully pull away from him, turning towards the lit up entrance of the alleyway. “It’s like Vi doesn’t even realize how bad things can really get.”

“Hey—“ He takes a step foward, gently grabbing your shoulders and turning you to him. “I’m here. I’m here to help—with anything. We’ll figure this out okay?”

A bittersweet smile graces your lips, you close your hand over his placed on your shoulder.

“You don’t know the Undercity, Jayce. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to help me on this one…”

The two of you stood there, unspeaking. You can practically hear the gears burning inside Jayce’s head. You can almost smell the smoke coming from them, It’s obvious he’s thinking of ways to try and help you and your family. After a moment, you rest your head onto his chest, defeated, and looking for comfort.

“I can’t let you risk you life for this. You have too much ahead of you.”

You feel his arms wrap around you, bringing you closer. He buries his face into your hair, breathing in your scent.

“There is nothing ahead of me without you.” You lock your arms around him, holding back a few tears. Jayce feels you taking fast, deep breaths, attempting to keep your composure. It’s all been alot, apparently your kid siblings were being nosy—blew up some guys apartment. Now every enforcer in Piltover is searching for them. You take a deep breath, leaning up straight to face him again.

“I won’t let you risk your life for me…risk your future—”

“I’m not some idiot throwing himself into danger for fun! I’m protecting someone I love.”

That. That catches you off guard. Yes, you two have been messing around every other night, cuddling after, speaking soft sweet words to each other…but love? He didn’t really love you did he? You’re from the Undercity. The scum of the scum. He’s from the top, he’s perfect. No way he actually means this��does he?

“I’m choosing to do this because I care about you, I care about your family. You aren’t alone in this, no matter how much you think you are.”

Time stops for what feels like hours, you gaze into his eyes, trying to find some kind of sign to tell you he isn’t being true. You can’t. His caramel eyes look gold from the street lights, determined and dead set on aiding you. You let your head fall onto his chest again, giving him your unspoken permission to help with your situation.

“I just realized I didn’t ask about how you’ve been.”

His arms tighten around your body, gently rocking you both back and forth. “Ha…” Jayce lets out a breathy chuckle, preparing himself to recount the most recent and life changing events. “It’s been different…Some guys blew up my apartment.”

You freeze. There’s no way they did that. It can’t be the same apartment right? How many apartments blow up in Piltover? Oh my god. My siblings blew up his fucking apartment. “Uh…” You can’t even form a sentence, still shocked at the new information. What are you going to tell him—

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah—are you okay? You’re fucking apartment blew up!” You pull back from him, facing him again. Your hands find their place on his waist, trying to ground yourself after what you were just told.

“My back’s still a little sore but I’m fine.”

“How much did you lose?” His mood darkened, eyes darting to the ground. “Alot.” You take a deep breath, This shouldn’t have happened. He is a good man, maybe a little crazy sometimes but—good. This whole thing is a mess. Jayce doesn’t know your sisters are the ones who blew up his apartment, you can’t go and get onto them for this because they don’t know you’re with him. You’re stuck, with no one to go to, maybe Vander but…he’d get upset that you’re up here with a topsider. Just so happens, he’s the same topsider your sisters were targeting.

This is fucking stupid.

After giving him your apologies, you realize it’s getting light. You should start heading back home, hopefully without Vander noticing you were gone.

“Jayce, It’s getting early. I gotta start heading back…”

“So soon..?” He smiles, he’s clearly up to something as he brings his hands up to your jaw. The sun is slowly rising, changing the sky into beautiful hues of orange and blue.

“Have to get back before Vander wakes up, I do not wanna hear that lecture.”

“Do you have to? Maybe you could…stay with me?”

“Stay…Topside. With you.”

“Yeah, I mean we could spend the day together. Go and do something…” He takes your hands into his own, engulfing them. You take a moment to think about his request. It’d be fun spending time with him, you’d be able to really enjoy his company. Not waiting for something or someone to come out of the shadows, trying to rob you or worse.

“Okay…What did you have in mind?” A smug look slowly plagues his face as he takes your hands into his, leading you out of the alley and in the direction of his temporary home.

“Trust me?”

You grip his hands tighter, letting him lure you into whatever devious plan he’s set up.

“Maybe…”

Two shadows danced against the stone road, slowly disappearing as the sun rose higher into the sky. One by one, doors open, carriages roll by, and the occasional stray kid runs in front of you two. None of that matters, not when his callused, warm hands are handling you so gently. When he looks at you like you’re his world…like he can’t live without you.

It definitely doesn’t matter when he pulls you into his hotel, hands roaming each others clothed figures as he closes the door behind you.

Guys…Part 2?? What y’all think 😈

[st7rnioioss]

Can u write a story of bsf Chris and inexperienced reader get into an argument because she thinks he’s using her for sex?

INEXPERIENCED!READER x BSF!CHRIS

˚𝜗𝜚 warnings... a little angsty? argument, making up again:))

the bed beneath you creaked quietly when you sat down, hands folded together over your lap while looking at chris. honestly, you felt like your own mother right now, as if you were gonna have a serious talk with him.. well, you kinda were.

“h-hey.. um, can we talk?” you mumbled, almost as quiet as a whisper when he plonked his phone down to his chest, giving you a faint smile.

“yeah, sure. are you okay?” his voice was gentle, reaching out to caress your cheek in an even more gentle manner.

you nodded, followed by a dry chuckle. you already felt your mind stir and go in all different places right now.

“i-i’m okay.. i think,” you whispered, your eyes dropping back down to your fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

chris’s ears perked up at your response, a furrow of his brows settling on his face. your eyes started to sting, nose felt all tingly and weird. gosh, this was the last situation you wanted to cry in.

“what do you mean? are you- hey, woah..” chris immediately shuffled closer to your when he noticed your eyes starting to well up with tears, those beautiful eyes he never wanted to see and glossy and glazed over.

you sniffled, feeling his bigger arms wrap around you and pull you into his lap before you got to protest. he immediately cradled you to his chest, placing your legs over his in a sideway position.

“shhh, sweetheart.. don’t cry, i don’t like seeing you cry. i wanna see you smile, yeah?” he mumbled, leaving a kiss on the side of your face, which you in this moment really wish didn’t feel so right.

“chris, i want you to be serious with me for a second..” your words came out way more serious than you intended, and chris’s subtle rocking faltered.

“i-i don’t want to accuse you of anything.. because y-you’re my best friend,” you whined between sniffles, attempting to hold back the tears.

eventually, your eyes met his, a sympathetic look plastered all over his face. almost as if to soothe your own nerves, you reached out to twirl his hair around your digit. “are, are you using me..? like, for- for sex?”

your words lingered in the air between the two of you, his brows furrowing immediately. he didn’t mean to shove your hands off like he did, but he honestly couldn’t believe you’d think of him like that.

“a-are.. are you fucking kidding me?” his voice was stern, cutting through the thick mood that had settled in his bedroom. “why the fuck would you think that? i-i love you, you’re so much more than just sex, you know,” he scoffed.

chris raised his voice, and he wanted to take it all back when he saw your eyes widen and gloss over again. he never wanted to be the reason you cried, and definitely not in a situation like this.

“b-but.. i’m sorry, i just thought that-“

he cut you off immediately, his frown softening just a little when the tears fell down your pretty face. “yeah, but you thought wrong. i-i’m not in this just to hook up, you’re more than that to me, don’t you know? we’ve been best friends since forever, how could you-“

chris stopped himself when he realized he raised his voice again, not scaring you, but making the mood way more tense and firm. it was never like this with chris, and when you let out a sob? he was done for. he never regretted yelling at anyone, but you.

“hey- i’m sorry..” he muttered, his voice back to the low and gentle one you were so used to, feeling his hands come to rest on your waist to pull you closer.

it took every fiber in you to push him away, get you couldn’t manage to do so.

it wasn’t like you didn’t love him. of course you did. but every time you hung out, he had his hands and lips on you in the matter of a few minutes. sure, you both enjoyed it, a lot for that matter, but was that all, now that you’d crossed the “just best friends” line?

when he cradled you to his middle like prior, the tears started working their way down your face, spilling into his tee—not that he care. gently, he ran his fingers down and through your hair, twirling his fingers around it like you’d done just a minute ago.

“i don’t wanna yell at you.. i’m sorry, sweetheart. i just love you, a lot. i don’t want you to think i would do such a thing,” he was calm, way calmer than a few moments prior, turning to mush when you wrapped your arms around him.

“come on, baby.. do you forgive me? was i too mean?” his voice was playful, a small smile creeping its way onto his lips.

you nodded in response, a giggle leaving your lips through the soft cries that slipped, but the pit in your stomach disappeared gradually.

“yeah, i do.. i just don’t want to have sex and that jazz all the time. i mean, i like it.. a lot -” you chuckled, looking up at him from his chest, a pink hue dusted over your face. “- but can’t we go on a date like we’ve done before? i enjoy the sex and all but.. take me somewhere, and then we can get all touchy afterwards,”

your words made him melt, mentally scolding himself for not looking after you like that. you’d been on multiple dates, recently even, but maybe you also wanted to keep it at that sometimes. he sighed until he reciprocated your smile.

“i’m sorry.. and of course. i could take you to that coffee shop.. like we did on our first date?” he suggested, nearly turning a little flustered himself.

the giggle you let out was all he needed as a response, before pulling you closer to kiss your lips softly, leaving it feather-light. “yeah, i’d like that.”

“yeah? coffees on me.. i’m real sorry for being such a dick..” he muttered before his lips connected to yours. it wasn’t needy, rough, fast—it was sweet, unhurried. it left your mind blank.

more bsf!chris x inexperienced!reader

𝜗𝜚˚࿔ notes: they prob had makeup sex afterwards lmaaooo the irony. sorry ab the lack of posting lol, those exams took my whimsy. anyway!! im gonna write and sleep all weekend.

۶ৎ taglist: @jetaimevous @missmimii @mattscoquette @pearlzier @witchofthehour @elizasturn @loveparqdise @delilahsturniolo @phone4pills @sturnsmia @hearts4werka @cayleeuhithinknott @strnilolover @sturnvxz @lovergirl4gracieabrams @ifwdominicfike @toftomgmf @emely9274 @sturnioloangell @blushsturns @sierrraaaaxz @slut4chris888 @marrykisskilled @sophand4n4 @sturnihoelooo @unknvhx @chrisslut04 @sturniolossss @slvtf0rchr1s @blahbel668 @starkeysturniolo @miolos @user1smvtysturniolo @lizzyzzn @sturnslutz @decimatedxdreams @chrissturnioloswife88 @sturn777 @sturniolonationsblog @frankoceanfanpage @priscillaog @courta13 @sweetrelieef @loverboysturn @sturns-mermaid @cutseylady @sofieeeeex @sofia-is-a-sturniolo-triplet-fan @mattsturnii @conspiracy-ash

© ST7RNIOIOSS est. 2023

[cosmicpearlz]

my love is mine, all mine (pt 2)

summary: more glimpses of your relationship with jude!

pairing: jude bellingham x reader

a/n: i’m having too much fun writing these scenarios lol

~one~

you rarely ever get into arguments with jude but when it does happen, it’s terrible on everyone’s part. this particular moment was about him not spending enough time with you.

“so you’re saying i can’t hangout with my friends? because that’s what it’s sounding like.”

“jude, that’s not what i’m saying! i’m just saying that it would be nice to have a day with just us. i feel like i’m left on a back burner right now.”

“we do hangout. i mean, i’m here right now but you wanna spend the time arguing!”

“tell me the last time we had a day to ourselves! please enlighten me,” you were beyond frustrated and your head was hurting from all the yelling.

“stop being so fucking clingy. i see you at home every night! we don’t need to be together 24/7.”

you felt your heart throbbing from the pain of hearing those words. is it really such a crime to want quality time with someone you love? between his training sessions and your job, there hasn’t been much alone time.

“okay. my apologies for wanting my boyfriend here with me. i won’t ask again,” you took a step back, looking down to possibly stop the tears. it didn’t work. the more you thought about it, the more it hurt.

jude instantly regretted saying that. he understood completely where you were coming from but the stubbornness in him clouded his judgement.

“baby, i’m-“

“i don’t wanna talk to you jude.”

-

it’s been hours since he last saw you. jude already made the guest room into his bed for the night and found himself restless. he wouldn’t admit it to anyone else but he couldn’t sleep without you near. even if you guys weren’t cuddling, at least his hand could be on you in some way. so he tossed and turned until he had enough.

jude makes his way to the room door, raising his hand to knock when the door swings open. it startles the both of you. leaving you to stare at each other in silence. jude noticed the dry tear streaks that laid on the apple of your cheeks. it made him feel worse.

“you really hurt-“

“i’m sorry bab-“

speaking at the same time wasn’t uncommon for you two, causing the both of you to let out a breathy laugh.

“you can go first honey,” his light whisper fell into the air as if he were too scared to talk any louder.

“jude, you really hurt my feelings earlier. i just wanted to spend time with you and you made it seem like i was asking for a million dollars or something bigger. i didn’t feel heard during our conversation but unfortunately i can’t sleep without you. so i was coming to drag you to bed even though i’m still very mad at you.”

“baby i’m sorry. i’m so sorry for hurting your feelings. i want you to know that i don’t mean it. hell, everyone knows i’m the clingy one! you’re the love of my life and i would spend days mending whatever hurt i caused,” his hands came to rest on your cheeks, fingers softly swiping at the dry tear stains.

“can we go to bed now? i’m exhausted and we can finish talking in the morning,” jude nods in response to you and kisses your nose.

“yeah, let’s go to bed m’love.”

~two~

“hey babe!”

jude looks up from his ipad upon hearing your voice through the phone. he was in germany for match and of course, he asked you to go with him. saying something along the lines of being his good luck charm. you couldn’t originally get the off time from your job.

“i miss you so much.”

“jude, baby you’ve been gone for like two days.”

“and your point is?”

“okay, whatever you say. anyways, i got a package for ya! just open the door.”

the boy failed to realize how close your face was in the camera and how you whispered. you had surprised him by coming to germany, being that your boss changed her mind and let you go. it wasn’t like you asked for off time a lot anyways.

“what?”

“can you open the door baby?”

jude jumps off the bed and practically leaps to the door. swinging it open to find you with a toothy smile. he rushes to hug you, bending down to your hight and pulling you into his arms.

“you said you couldn’t come!”

“surprise! my boss decided to let me take the time off last minute. i found the first flight here.”

“how’d you get to the hotel? i would’ve picked you up.”

“it wouldn’t have been a surprise then.”

he detaches himself from you to grab your bag, then grabbing your hand, walking you inside. you take a seat on the couch that was sitting in the room and smiled as your boyfriend put your bag next to his.

“i can’t believe you’re here.”

“well believe it,” jude sat next to you and began pressing kisses into whatever inch of skin he could get to.

“babe relax,” you say, in between giggles as he continued his work down to your neck. only getting off you when you pushed his shoulder back.

“i just missed you.”

“it’s been two days!”

“so what.”

~three~

you’ve become familiar with jude being your passenger princess. you never minded, it was just nice having someone to drive with. so, you took him on another one of your side quests. thrifting.

“i hope i find something good this time. last time we went, it was a bunch of bullshit.”

“i’m kinda hoping i see something i like,” you gasp into response to him, quickly looking at him and then looking back at the road.

“woah, thee jude bellingham is interested in thrifting?”

“oh come off it.”

“i’m just saying! i literally never heard you say anything like that. just making sure my ears heard correctly,” you give him a teasing smile.

“i will jump into oncoming traffic.”

“no you won’t.”

“i swear i will.”

“i’m calling your bluff.”

the silence in the car became loud as you both tested one another.

“no i won’t.”

“ha! i knew it.”

“whatever, drive faster loser. all the good stuff are gonna be gone.”

~four~

you wake up finding the bed empty. jude’s side is made up, totally not uncommon. you figured he was at training and got out of bed to get something to eat. as you walked to the kitchen, you find your boyfriend with his bare back towards you.

“good morning darling,” he turns his head to face you with a small smile.

“good morning. what’s all this?”

“i wanted to cook for you! training was canceled today because of a family emergency. i was gonna surprise you in bed but of course you had to wake up early.”

“that’s very sweet of you,” you make your way towards him and wrap your arms around his waist. pressing your front into his back, hugging him as tight as you could. you leaned up to kiss the back of his shoulder blade before stepping away.

“let’s spend the day inside.”

“are you sure jude? i know today is my off day but you don’t have to stay in with me.”

“i want to.”

jude plates the food and sits it on the dining room table. you follow close behind and go to grab your chair. instead, jude pulls out your chair for you. pushing you in before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. sitting down next to you, you both began to eat. a comfortable silence fills the room as you both ate. his free hand resting on your thigh, caressing the skin beneath his fingers.

“i love you so much. thank you for this.”

“you shouldn’t have to thank me. i’m your boyfriend, it’s a job of mine to make sure you’re feeling loved at all times.”

“trust me, i feel all the love right now.”

“it still wouldn’t be enough to express how much i truly am in love with you darling.”

“don’t get sappy on me bellingham,” you teased, watching his face attempt to hide a smile.

“oh we wouldn’t want that,” he plays along and kisses your cheek, making you both laugh in the process.

[vamptizm]

ii. MISSION JEALOUSY — p. bueckers

pairing: paige bueckers x clover amar (oc)

synopsis : in which paige bueckers and clover amar, two uconn wbb stars, have an ongoing mission of making each other jealous and outdoing the other.

warnings : smut, fingering (oc receiving), brief degrading, exhibitionism if you squint, they’re both assholes, no aftercare. please do not read if this makes you uncomfortable!

word count : 3.5k

note : this is my first time writing this stuff and omfg was it HARD, i cringed at myself like 10 times and this might be bad but everyone starts somewhere ig lol

series masterlist

The team weight room was alive with the rhythmic clanking of weights and low murmurs of conversation, but Paige only had ears for Clover. The two had been switching off sets on the bench press, each girl pushing themselves harder than necessary—not to outdo their personal records, but each other. Ice, nearby and unbothered, worked through her squats, seemingly oblivious to the escalating competition between the two. 

Clover added another set of plates to the bar and smirked as she lay back, her tattoos flexing with every adjustment of her arms. Paige leaned against the rack, her arms crossed, watching with an unimpressed expression.  

"Feeling bold after last night, huh?" Paige's tone was casual, but the edge was unmistakable. 

Clover gripped the bar above her, sparing Paige a glance. "Nah, I couldn't care less." she quipped, her voice light as she lifted the bar. "Why? Did I make your little friend cry?" 

Paige's jaw tightened with a small scoff, but she kept her composure. "You really thought you ate, huh?" She stepped closer as Clover re-racked the bar with ease. "Maybe next time, try not to scare people off before dessert." 

Clover sat up, wiping her hands on her shorts. "Scare her off? Oh, baby. She was hanging by a thread before I said anything." She stood, gesturing for Paige to take her spot. "Maybe don't bring your charity cases to team dinners next time." 

Paige slid under the bar, refusing to let Clover see how much that comment—and pet-name—got under her skin. She grabbed the bar with purpose, her fingers tightening around it as she muttered under her breath, "You're insufferable, you know that?" 

Clover, now spotting Paige, leaned forward slightly, her grin widening. "Yeah, and you fucking love it." 

Paige bit the inside of her cheek, annoyed that she couldn't come up with a retort fast enough. Instead, she pressed through her reps, feeling Clover's eyes on her the whole time. By the time she re-racked the bar, she was already regretting agreeing to partner with Clover. 

When Clover took her turn again, she added more weight to the bar, clearly trying to prove a point. Paige didn't bother hiding her scoff. "Sure you don't wanna just tape a 'look at me' sign to your back while you're at it?" 

"Jealousy doesn't look good on you, Bueckers," Clover shot back, her voice steady as she lowered the bar with perfect form. 

Paige crossed her arms, leaning slightly closer. "You're not that special, Ma." 

Clover's laugh echoed through the room as she racked the bar with ease. "Sure, keep telling yourself that. I'm not the one who brought a backup date to dinner." 

Paige felt her temper flare, the heat rising up her neck. "You think everything's a game, don't you?" she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper as Jia moved to another station. 

Clover tilted her head, her expression smug. "Maybe. But you love to play, don't you?" 

Paige didn't respond, instead picking up a pair of dumbbells and turning her attention to another exercise. But the tension between them lingered, thicker than the humid air in the weight room.

The weight room grew quieter as the rest of the team filed out, leaving only the steady hum of the overhead lights and the sound of weights being racked. Clover and Paige remained, neither willing to be the first to leave.

Paige pretended to focus on her dumbbells, but her attention kept flickering to Clover, who was at the mirror adjusting the resistance on a cable machine. The gym's fluorescent light caught the sheen of sweat on Clover's skin, highlighting the tattoos curling around her arms and peeking out from the neckline of her tank top.

Clover glanced at Paige's reflection in the mirror, catching her staring. She didn't say anything, but the smirk that tugged at her lips made Paige's stomach twist in equal parts annoyance and something else she refused to name.

"Enjoying the view, Bueckers?" Clover's voice broke the silence, casual and teasing.

Paige huffed, looking away as she set her dumbbells back on the rack. "You wish."

Clover turned, leaning against the cable machine, her arms crossed. "You're still mad about dinner, aren't you? I thought we had fun."

"Fun for you maybe," Paige shot back, stepping closer to grab her water bottle. "I don't make a habit of embarrassing people for sport."

Clover's grin widened. "Oh, come on. Amelia was—what's the word?—forgettable."

Paige glared, taking a long drink to buy herself time. She hated how Clover always knew exactly which buttons to push. But worse than that was how Clover's confidence—the way she carried herself, so effortlessly bold—made it hard to focus on anything else.

"You really can't help yourself, can you?" Paige asked, her voice quieter this time.

Clover tilted her head, her expression softening just enough to catch Paige off guard. "Why would I?"

Paige didn't answer, but the air between them felt charged, almost suffocating. She could feel Clover watching her, and it made her want to walk out—or close the distance between them.

Clover took a step closer, her gaze steady, curious. "What is it about me that gets under your skin so much, huh? Don't act like it's just my big mouth."

Paige's breath caught, her pulse quickening as Clover's words hung in the air. She opened her mouth to respond but found herself at a loss.

"Nothing to say?" Clover teased, leaning in slightly, her voice dropping. "That's a first."

Paige clenched her fists at her sides, every nerve on edge. "You don't know when to stop, do you?"

"Not when it comes to you," Clover replied, her tone softer now, less playful but no less intense.

For a moment, the weight room felt impossibly small, the space between them shrinking by the second. Paige could feel the tension in her chest, the unspoken words and emotions she wasn't ready to name.

Paige didn't step back. Her smirk turned sharper, her eyes searching Clover's face for any sign of hesitation—but she didn't find any. Instead, Clover stood firm, her confidence unwavering even as the air between them grew impossibly thick.

"You're looking at me like you wanna fuck me, Bueckers," Clover remarked, her voice steady and cocky grin unfaltering, even if her heart was pounding.

"Good," Paige replied, voice low. "Maybe that's exactly what I wanna do."

Before Clover could reply, Paige's hand moved—lightly brushing her hip first, then lingering at her waist, her grip firm but not overbearing. Her touch sent a jolt through Clover, but she didn't pull away. Paige stepped even closer, their bodies nearly touching, her breath warm against Clover's cheek.

"You're bold today," Clover murmured, her voice quieter now but still laced with challenge.

Paige chuckled softly, the sound deep and confident. "Bold, or just tired of you running your mouth?"

The weight room suddenly felt a hundred degrees hotter. Paige's free hand came up, her fingers gently grazing along the line of Clover's jaw, tilting her head up slightly. The smirk on Clover's lips wavered for a second—not out of nerves, but because Paige's sudden boldness had thrown her off her game for the first time.

"Speechless for once?" Paige teased, her thumb brushing the corner of Clover's mouth.

Clover regained her footing quickly, her cocky grin returning as her hands came to rest against Paige's chest. "Not speechless. Just wondering if you're finally gonna back up all that talk."

Paige's response was immediate. She closed the small gap between them, her lips brushing against Clover's as she pinned her against the cold wall, teasing at first but quickly growing firmer, more insistent. Clover matched her energy without hesitation, her fingers curling into the fabric of Paige's shirt as she pressed closer.

The kiss was nothing short of electric—heated, competitive, and every bit as charged as their arguments. Paige's larger hand slipped from Clover's jaw to her ass, pulling her closer, while Clover tilted her head to deepen the kiss, not willing to let Paige take the lead entirely.

When they finally broke apart, both of them were breathing heavily. Clover was the first to speak, her voice soft but edged with humor. "So... does this mean you're done being mad about dinner?"

Paige laughed under her breath, her hand still lingering on Clover's waist. "Not even close." She stepped back slightly, her cocky smile returning as she grabbed her towel. "But that's a conversation for another time, Ma."

And instantly, the blonde's lips crashed back against Clover's, her unoccupied hand snaking back up to the girl's face before finding a light grip around her throat. That was enough to ignite the tamed fire inside of Clover, their kiss growing rougher, teeth clashing and tongues meeting— Paige licking into her mouth like she was seeking water in the Sahara desert. A small whimper escaped Clover into Paige's mouth. One that had the blonde cockily grinning against her lips as her slim fingers lightly squeezed the girl's throat.

"Already got you whimpering for me, Baby?" The blonde's grin was taunting, nothing short of confident in herself like she always was.

Clover, however, wasn't as amused as Paige. Too worked up, too hot to come up with her usual and well known retorts. "Just shut the fuck up." She rolled her eyes, barely able to express her annoyance, that could more so be described as frustration.

Paige didn't make an effort to reply, her hand snaking to the back of Clover's neck, pulling the girl into another rough and messy kiss. Her lips slowly began to trail down, peppering wet kisses along Clover's jaw until she reached her neck.

Clover couldn't help but fist the blonde's shirt, gripping it tightly in hopes of grounding herself. Her head tilts backwards, upper teeth biting down on the bottom of her lips to suppress the whimpers that so desperately wanted to be let out. Paige started out with placing soft kisses down Clover's neck, halting at the crook of her neck. Her grip around the girl's waist tightened, tongue darting out to lick along the inked area, down to the collar bone.

The pooling wetness and the growing heat between Clover's legs was hard to deny, even harder to hide. She almost scolded herself for the way her thighs pressed together—it only gave her away and of course Paige didn't miss that. A smirk tugged on the corners of the blonde's lips, darkness clouding her bright eyes.

"You think you're slick, huh? Spreading them for others all fucking week and now you wanna close those legs?" Her tone was mocking, almost degrading and for some reason it only turned Clover on even more.

She couldn't keep her mouth shut, though. When could she ever? Clover Amar was a loud mouth through and through. "Maybe if you weren't all talk I would've spread them for you instead."

Paige had to hold herself back from rolling her eyes, only a small, amused scoff escaping her. "Oh, I'm so sorry I made you wait, princess. Let me make it up to you, yeah?"

And just like that Paige went back to kissing and nibbling on her collar bones, mouth moving further south with each second before reaching her cleavage. Her hands slid up slowly, fingers playing with the hem of the girl's sports bra. "Can I?" Her gaze was back on Clover's face, blue eyes locking with hers and her tone unusually and bizarrely soft and gentle. As if getting permission meant a great deal to her. Clover could only nod her head, too dazed to trust her own voice.

That wasn't enough for Paige, though. She lifted her head up, standing straight as she shook her her head. "You got words, baby. Use 'em."

Clover had to bite her tongue to not curse the blonde out at that very moment. Even in a moment like this, Paige still needed to tease her about it. Typical. Taking a deep breath, she finally complied. "Yes. You can."

A smug smirk made it's way back onto Paige's lips, triumph painted all over her features. It was clear that she enjoyed this more than Clover herself. "There you go, good job."

And oh, how Clover hated the way those words made her stomach do flips.

Paige's fingers finally hooked into the material of the black sports bra, taking her sweet time in pulling it up until Clover's breast sprang free. She stilled for a moment, breath hitching in her throat as she took the sight in front of her in, mouth already watering. If it had been anyone other than the girl in front of her, she'd make sure to shower them in praise and compliments, but she couldn't do that yet. Clover's full tattoo was now in sight— starting from the valley of her breast and ending only a couple of inches above her navel.

The blonde took a subtly deep breath before her hands continued their abandoned actions. "Arms up," she dryly instructed, tugging the clothing over Clover's head and throwing it to the floor after she complied once again. She had to refrain herself from commenting on how well Clover could listen for once.

Paige took her sweet time admiring the girl's exposed chest, hands instinctively finding their way back to her waist, rubbing and caressing the soft skin up and down. Clover was starting to get impatient, her hand finding one of Paige's, guiding it up and placing it over her breast.

The smug smirk on Paige's face only intensified, exuding her all too known and obnoxious confidence. "Eager, aren't we?"

Clover didn't say a word, she didn't have to because as soon as the blonde spoke those words, her mouth was already back on Clover, lips latching onto one nipple while her hands played with the other one. Fondling, pinching her nipples, suckling and biting on them until she got a satisfying squeal out of the girl.

As much as Clover hated this, she absolutely loved it. In some way she was being worshiped AND pleased right? Technically, she was the winner.

Paige continued to suckle and place open mouthed kisses all over her tits, slowly trailing down along the inked skin, licking and pecking.

It wasn't enough for Clover, though. Not nearly enough to coming anywhere close to stilling her hunger for the annoying blonde. But luckily for her, she didn't have to do or say anything. Paige was already on it, hand sliding to the waistband of the girl's shorts while she straightened up. That's when Clover felt her body ignite with fire, the mere thought of being touched in such a public space where anyone could walk in at any given time—despite it being so late—excited her more than she'd like to admit.

"Can you stop teasing?" She asked in an unintentionally low tone, her question coming off as more of a demand or request.

"I don't know, can you behave for once?" Paige countered, that stupid smirk never leaving her face and if Clover wasn't so turned on in that moment, she'd want to smack it off of her.

She hesitated before replying, voice barely above a whisper and a small pout on her lips. "Yes."

That one word seemed to be enough for Paige. Her hand came back up, two digits hovering over Clover's lips. "Suck."

'Is she serious?' Clover thought to herself. She debated it, fighting her pride and ego all for the sake of pleasure before ultimately complying and parting her lips, slowly wrapping them around Paige's fingers.

"Good girl." The blonde hummed as she watched and Clover wanted to roll her eyes. Her tongue swirled around the digits, sucking on and wetting them all while maintaining eye contact until Paige pulled them out again, a string of saliva connecting them. This was purely for the blonde's own pleasure.

Her hands were back on Clover's hips, but this time she didn't seem to have the patience to tease her. Paige's hand slipped right between the material of her waistband and panties.

Clover let out a huffed breath of relief at the touch of Paige's fingers running over her slick folds. The girl was completely soaked by now—embarrassingly so—something that emitted a raised brow from the blonde. "What's got you all soaked, Ma?"

"Shut the fuck up." is all that Clover could muster to say, her words coming out breathless. Her body was on fire and the last thing she wanted, was to be teased again.

Paige could only chuckle, something that would've aggravated the girl if she wasn't so worked up and desperate. She began to slowly circle Clover's clit, biting back that smug smirk as she studied her expression. Clover made no efforts of hiding her face, nor how good she felt, multiple sighs escaping her lips and her eyes fluttering shut. Her leg lifted to semi-hook around Paige's hip for easier access.

"More, please." She breathed. Clover knew that if there was one way to get what she wanted, it was by playing her cards right. By asking nicely.

And it seemed to work when Paige sped her movements up, rubbing tight circles as her mouth latched back onto the girl's chest. It was as if she couldn't get enough of her.

Paige's movements slowed, two digits circling the girl's entrance for what felt like an eternity before slipping in all at once.

A soft gasp left Clover's lips at the delicious stretch, her head tipped backwards as Paige continued the abuse on her chest. The blonde's fingers were pumping in and out of Clover's sopping cunt, and the sound of wet squelching would've flustered her if she'd cared enough.

"Oh- Fuck, Paige." Clover's hands came up to the girl's shoulders, steadying herself. Soft whimpers and the sound of kisses all across Clover's chest was all that could be heard through the weight room.

"Good, huh?" Her voice was low and sultry, eyes looking up at Clover's already fucked out face, who could only nod her head.

The familiar knot below her stomach started to tighten, nails digging into Paige's skin as she continued her abuse on her cunt, fingers curling deep, hitting that gummy spot just perfectly.

Clover feels like she's floating and suffocating all at once, her muscles and senses trembling with pleasure and she can feel her high approaching. This wasn't what she had planned—being at the mercy of Paige Bueckers—but there wasn't anywhere she'd rather have been in that moment.

"You close, baby?" Paige mumbled against her neck that she was now attacking with kisses, almost as if she could sense it. "Clenching on my fingers like a slut. You're that desperate, Mama?"

Once again, Clover could only nod her head, whimpering and whining were the only form of noise she could muster up.

Paige smirked against the crook of her neck before pulling back to get a good look of Clover. Her unoccupied hand grabbed the girl's chin, tilting her head back forwards. "Look at me or I'll stop." She near to demanded as her movements quickened.

Clover barely had any time to register what was happening, her eyes fluttering open only to be met by Paige's hungry eyes. The intimacy of it should've turned her on even more, should've brought her closer and while it did just that, it also scared her. Looking into Paige's eyes was a form of intimacy and vulnerability that Clover had never expected to experience with her, a language so foreign, one she’d never bothered to learn. Her heart was pounding in her chest, stomach fluttering and she didn't know whether it was due to Paige bringing her closer to her release, or if it was the girl's baby blue eyes staring deeply into her soul, almost as if wanting to find a home within.

Those thoughts were quickly disrupted by the sudden feeling of Clover's climax washing over her, everything except the feeling of her all consuming orgasm, vanishing into thin air.

Just as quickly as it happened, it seemed to end when Paige's hand slipped out again, barely giving Clover the time to register anything. All she could do was watch how the blonde casually licked her fingers clean. "Tastes good." She spoke, but it sounded like she was more so speaking to herself.

Paige turned and a towel along with Clover's sports bra were already being handed to her. "To clean up with." She said, as if it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world.

Before Clover could register anything, the blonde was already making her way towards the door. "See you tomorrow." She called over her shoulder, barely looking back as she left the weight room.

Clover could only stand there in shock. Did that really just happen? Did she really leave just like that? It's not as if she expected any aftercare or something as silly as a kiss, but standing topless and still catching her breath, Clover couldn't help but feel ashamed. Feel as if she had just been used and discarded so easily. It wasn't something she was used to. Heck, even she had the decency to help the girls she hooked up with get cleaned up and dressed before ditching them.

She scoffed humourlessly before putting her bra back on, tightly gripping her towel and walking out of the weight room herself in annoyance, and which she hated to admit, tears of frustration stinging her eyes.

[brooooswriting]

Hey! Would be interested in R joining Essex after Leighton is already out and R is closeted. Would love to see how Leighton deals with it when she was just as closeted. Thanks<3

Oh I know

Being gay wasn’t fun, not when you were scared to tell people and had to hide who you really are. You hated it in high school which was why you made a plan for college. Since you despised the thought of coming out you decided to just go to a frat party and make out with a girl. Boom! Everybody would know and it would be fine.

Well, turns out you were too shy to do that. You went there extremely confident with your roommates but you ended up only chatting with some new people before getting drunk with your friends. At the end of the night you met a nice girl that was one year above you, Whitney.

Somehow Whitney kinda adopted you. She took you everywhere, made you meet her roommates and willow. It was nice really, Bella was hilarious, Kimberly was so caring it was crazy and Leighton, well Leighton was unhinged but so damn hot.

Seems like Leighton had a great gaydar because after meeting you like three or four times she decided to get you alone at the next frat party. When you went outside to catch some fresh air you suddenly felt a hand on your waist making you jump. Just as you were about to start a fight with the person you noticed that it was Leighton. “Hey” you mumbled out with a small blush covering your face.

“Hey” she just stared at you for a moment making the blush even worse. “So, what do you think we get out of here?” You choked on the sip you just drank, avoiding eye contact.

“I- uhm. How’d -how do you know that I’m…you know?” You whispered, your eyes flicking around to make sure that nobody would hear you.

“I used to be like you, a little richer and a lot less shy but I can tell when you look at me” you were about to scream when she bit her lip while looking you up and down “so, wanna get outta here?” This time you nodded, quickly pulling Leighton away.

What was meant to be a one night stand turned into a lot more, it was hard to see you and Leighton apart. If it was in private you were always with her and if it was outside you were always with the her and her roommates. Every time you saw a gay couple walk down the street you wished it could be like this with you two but the thought of coming out makes you shiver in anxiety.

“Damn look, this is such a good TikTok for the sorority” Leighton said as she came back to you, her phone in hand. She turned it to you so you could watch it. “I am definitely going to post that. It’s the perfect mix between rich, hot, sexy and perfect” she explained further. While you hated to admit it, because she was, just like Bella pathological overconfident, it was true. She was wearing expensive shit, her hair was slightly messy from your activities and her lip sync and movements were nailed.

“Wait, did you already post that?” You suddenly panicked, staring at the phone trying to figure out if she did.

“Yeah why?” Her voice was so normal and unbothered which nearly made you snap. It would be stupid to snap at her as she didn’t see the problem but in that moment you were just too in your head. I mean we are talking about THE Leighton Murray, that video would have thousands of views before you could do anything.

“You HAVE to delete that!!” You quickly said, trying to figure out how to do that.

“No, why would I? It’s perfect” she argued taking the phone from you.

“Because my letterman jacket is in the back! With my name on it and some cloths beneath!” You explained pointing to the problem which made her sigh.

“We are always together, people won’t figure out that this means anything” she first said, but when she looked at your panicked state she stepped back. “I’m sorry, I’ll delete it” she quickly did that before setting the phone down.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel like I don’t care about your feelings because I do and I get how you’re feeling. When I was still in the closet my ex flipped every time it came to this. We broke up because I made her take down a picture where you could see an inch of my bag” she laughed slightly at the end to ease some of the tension.

“I really want to show people that I’m with you, you know that right? It’s not that I’m embarrassed about it, I just don’t want everybody to see me differently” you explained as you laid back into her arms, your teary eyes breaking her heart.

“I know, I get it. You do it on your timeline and if you want any help coming out just tell me” she stroked your back and pressed a kiss to your lips. Your lips chased hers as she pulled away.

“Are you sure that this isn’t too much for you?” Alicia asked, she didn’t know who Leigh was seeing but she knew that there was someone. They had decided to become friends again after a while as Leighton had to do charity work again. “I mean you’ve just come out of the closet and now it’s like you’re back in it again. She’s pulling you back in the closet and it’s not looking good on you” she added.

The blonde had to take a deep breath to calm down because otherwise she would have killed Alicia. There was no way she was going to talk bad about you and try to make her break up with you. “Look, in contrast to you I don’t break up with her over her being scared. I’ll give her the support and love she needs to show the world that she’s a badass bitch and if I ever see you talking to her or about her like that you’re gonna have a problem” with that Leighton stormed off to your dorm.

“Hey, is y/n there? I’m here for math tutoring” the blonde said, a disgusted look in her face to make it look like she was really coming for that. Your roommates didn’t know and if she came here happily instead of annoyed they would have known something was off. The youngest Murray wasn’t known for being happy and nice to everyone that walked her way.

“Yeah, she’s in her room. Just knock, she’s alone here. The rest of us got class. So bye” your roommate rushed out, clearly scared of the girl. Leighton bit her lip to hide her grin as she walked past the girl and to your room. After a quick knock she let herself in to a surprised you.

As soon as the door closed her hands grabbed your waist to pull you into her, her lips joining yours seconds later. The kiss was fast and heated as you could barely keep up, your arms wrapped around her neck while hers went under your shirt but they stayed on your naked waist. By now you realized that this wasn’t sexual, no it was Leighton trying to find reassurance.

Once you both ran out of breath you pulled away, a dreamy look on your face while there was a concerned one on hers. “What’s wrong?” You asked as your hand cupped her cheek, your thumb rubbing over her skin softly.

“Please tell me that you don’t feel pressured to come out by me. That I’ve been supportive and made you feel good about yourself” you were shocked, you had never seen her so insecure and desperate.

“Hey, where’s all this coming from? Of course you’ve been supportive, you never made me feel like I had to come out and I’m so thankful for that. What made you feel like you didn’t?” You asked as you pulled her to your bed, you rested again the headboard so Leighton could lay between your legs with her head on your chest.

“I had a talk with Alicia about us, she didn’t know that it’s you but that I’m with a girl who’s closeted and she started to talk shit about how it, about how hard it was to be a with someone who is closeted and shit. I got so mad because that’s what she left me for but now that I’m with you I don’t get it at all. I don’t think being in the closet with you is hard” she confessed and even though you tensed up at the name of her ex you couldn’t help but smile at her monologue.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry she made you feel like that. But you? Damn girl, you’re awesome and I’m happy that you’re my girl” you grinned as you said the corniest line you could think of.

“God, that was disgusting. Never say something like that again” she complained making both of you laugh as she snuggled closer.

“So, my roommates isn’t coming home tonight. Do you maybe wanna sleep over?” You asked as you rested your chin on top of her head.

“Yeah, why not”

———————————————————————————

Part 2 of reader coming out?

[steddieas-shegoes]

i love you enough

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'roadtrip/vacation' rated m wc: 995 cw: nightmare, implied sexual content tags: friends to lovers, getting together, love confessions, first kiss, loosest way to reference vacation is staying in a hotel

------------------------------------

"Steve...Steve!"

His eyes opened wide as Eddie's hands shook him awake.

"Jesus Christ, man. I thought I'd have to push you off the bed," Eddie sighed, his hold on Steve's shoulders loosening but not going away.

"Sorry," Steve gasped, his breath caught in his chest like he was about to have a panic attack.

This nightmare had been different.

Instead of Robin dying under the mall, it was Eddie. Instead of Steve being able to convince the Russians that he should be taken, Eddie convinced them he knew all they needed to know.

It was the exact type of falling on the sword Eddie would do.

Steve's eyes landed on Eddie, who was watching him silently, looking like he was doing his best not to cry.

"Eds? You okay?" Steve's voice cracked.

"Shit, are you?" Eddie asked back, letting out a disbelieving laugh.

"Yeah, sorry I woke you up."

"You're kidding, right?"

Eddie looked mad. He sounded mad.

"No, I'm really sorry. I know you don't sleep so great, either, so," Steve shrugged. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanna go down the hall to the girls' room."

Eddie blinked at him, silence making the air feel thick with an awkwardness they hadn't had between them in months.

And then Eddie's hands were cupping his face, almost lovingly.

"Do you ever think about how other people care about you?" Eddie asked, barely more than a whisper. "Or how seeing you suffer and then apologize for it breaks our hearts?"

Steve's mouth was opening and closing like a fish, searching Eddie's eyes for the answer he wanted.

"You have no idea how much people love you, do you?" Eddie's forehead rested against Steve's.

"I-"

"Stevie. I need you to listen to me." Eddie breathed out slowly. "I can't imagine how much you've seen. I know you've told me, and I've seen some of it myself, but half of the shit you've done? Just to keep everyone safe? And you keep seeing it in nightmares all the time. It never goes away. You're so strong. You get up every day and go to work, and cart the kids around, and bring me to appointments, and cook dinner for me and Wayne, and help Robin with her girl problems, and then you go to bed and have to worry about what monsters will be waiting for you. And then you wake up the next day and pretend it didn't happen, but we all know it did. I know it did."

Steve sniffled.

"And here I am, shaking in the corner of my bed because I think I hear a noise outside my window one time." They both let out a laugh, but Eddie continued before Steve could interrupt. "I was scared. I tried waking you up when you first started making noises. You sounded like you were hurt. And then you said Dustin's name and I could feel you shaking. And then-"

"And then I said your name."

Eddie nodded.

Steve placed his hands at Eddie's neck, almost mirroring Eddie.

"You died. But it was the Russians. You convinced them you knew something to distract them from me and the kids, but you didn't so they just kept...they-" He let out a sob as tears fell down his cheeks. "They did to you what they were gonna do to me."

"Oh, sweetheart."

Eddie's lips were on his.

It shouldn't be happening like this, a part of Steve thought.

It should be romantic and sweet, maybe after a date where Steve used all the charm he's been saving just for Eddie, maybe when the reason for the wetness against their cheeks was because of rain instead of tears.

But in a way, it was always going to be like this: admitting too much at the wrong time, saving each other from pain.

Regardless of all the ways it should be and all the ways he wished for it to be, it was perfect.

When Eddie pulled away, he let out a small laugh.

"Robin said this would happen as soon as I said I was staying in your room."

"She said I would have a nightmare that left us both crying and kissing in a bed that is definitely big enough for us to not be cuddling, but we definitely were?" Steve asked with a smirk. "She's good, but I don't think she's that good."

"Oh, shut up," Eddie lightly smacked his shoulder. "You know what I meant."

He did. She'd said the same to him.

"Well, maybe if you hold my hand, I'll be able to fall back asleep?" Steve suggested.

"Yeah, I could do that. Or..."

"Or?"

"Or I could..."

"You could?"

Eddie nipped his bottom lip.

"I could kiss you in...other places..."

"Eds, just say what you wanna do," Steve giggled.

"Fine! I could suck you off so you can sleep!" Eddie laughed.

"You could do that, yeah," Steve nodded, pretending that wasn't enough to rile him up.

"I could. If you want."

"Is it just to help me fall asleep?" Steve asked, suddenly nervous that this wasn't anything more than helping out a friend.

"If I wasn't completely clear before: I love you. I love you enough to sacrifice myself in your nightmares, I love you enough to do stupid physical therapy sessions that I hate because you get sad when I don't go, I love you enough to make Robin take a room with Nancy and Jonathan so I could stay right here with you, and I love you enough to suck your dick to help you sleep."

Steve snorted.

"Be my guest, then," he gestured down at his lap, watching Eddie literally lick his lips.

Just when Eddie was breathing against his stomach, ready to move further down, Steve stopped him.

"Wait!" Eddie looked up at him, eyes wide. "I love you, too. Need you to know that."

Fondness poured from Eddie as he pressed a kiss to Steve's stomach.

"I know, sweetheart."

[ibetonlosinghuskies]

patience and pleasure pt 6

summary: as paige packs to move to uconn, she starts to doubt herself. grasping for a sense of security, she goes to the one person she knows can make her feel better. azzi.

disclaimer: as always everything i write is fictional!

warnings: fluff, angst, emotional distress, mild anxiety mention.

word count: 4.6k +

author's note: ik this probably isn't what you were expecting lol, very sorry. i will be giving yall what you want very soon.

~flashback to july 2020~

paige's pov:

i can't believe i'm doing this.

playing at uconn has been my dream since i was a kid, but now that it's finally happening i feel paralyzed. packing my stuff made things feel final.

i'm really leaving minnesota. everything i know is here.

who's going to build legos with drew? who's going to make my parents coffee in the morning?

my hands shake as i fold another shirt, memories flooding my mind. friday night games, late-night drives with the team, sunday morning cartoons with drew.

what if i'm not ready? what if i can't handle the pressure?

i'd been doing a good job keeping all this to myself. putting on my best smile for every interview, every photoshoot. i had a good enough support system too, my family, friends, fans. but behind every "congratulation", i felt their expectation. a standard of perfection only a prodigy could fulfill.

what if i let everyone down?

i can't let them see me crack.

it's not like i'm not grateful for the opportunity. this is all i've worked towards for years. it just hurts to leave everything behind, especially for a future i had no control over. i felt safe here, in this moment, i'm full of potential.

the weight of my potential weighs heavily on my shoulders, keeping me up at night.

i sink to the floor, surrounded by half-packed boxes. part of me wants to unpack it all, to pretend that time isn't moving forward.

my eyes snap up when i hear a knock at my bedroom door.

"hey kiddo," my dad says warmly, leaning against the door frame.

"hey," i reply weakly, putting on a smile. i feel his eyes scan my face, his expression warming with sympathy.

he knows my smile is fake.

"already packing? you don't leave for another week, it shouldn't take you that l—" he stops mid-sentence looking at my closet. "but with that shoe collection maybe you should've started a month ago," he teases, trying to make me smile.

"i just want to be ready," i say, sounding more insecure than i expected.

"it's okay to be scared, you know?" he starts, his voice gentle. "i know this is a big change."

"i just don't wanna disappoint anyone," i stand, continuing to pack my stuff, eyes glued to the floor.

"you could never disappoint us," he assures me. "we're all so proud of you, no matter what."

a mix of gratitude and homesickness rushes over me. i crumble over his words, a few tears escaping my eyes. walking slowly, he grabs me in his arms. we stand there for a moment, the heaviness of change lingering in the air.

"you know," he says suddenly, "i think azzi's still in town at her grandparents. why don't you give her a call?"

he's right, i usually visit her around this time of year. the thought of azzi brings a small smile to my face. memories of our summers spent together fill my mind—trips to the fair, month long sleepovers, sleeping in her clothes.

"not everything has to change, paige," his voice knowing, eyes gauging my reaction.

if anyone could understand what i'm going through, i'd be her.

"yeah, i'll give her a call," i nod, trying to shake my heartache.

"good," he says, walking to my door. "don't forget to leave some of your shoes behind. we don't need the whole state of minnesota wondering why there's a shortage."

i roll my eyes, laughing. "i'll think about it."

he gives me one last warm smile before closing my door. i take a deep breath, reaching for my phone.

azzi's pov:

i'm sprawled across my bed, scrolling through my phone when it starts buzzing. paige's name lights up the screen, and i can't help but smile.

"hey p," i answer, my smile showing in my voice.

"hey az," she replies, and immediately i know something's off. her voice is quieter than usual, lacking its usual charm.

"you okay?" i ask, sitting up straighter.

there's a pause, i can almost feel her forcing a smile through the phone. "yeah, i'm good. just...packing."

packing. right. she's leaving soon.

i'm hit with a wave of anticipatory grief. i've been trying to avoid thinking about what it's gonna be like when she leaves. we'd fallen into such an easy routine. she's spent countless summers at my grandparent's house, becoming part of my family.

"how's that going?" i ask, trying to sound hopeful.

"it's...going," she laughs gently. "it's just a lot, you know?"

i do know. the spotlight she's received these past couple years has been intense, but paige made everything she did look effortless. her confidence carried off the court, giving her a new charisma.

she was so easy to love.

"yeah...it's a big change," my voice matching her quiet tone.

there's another pause, the soft hum of the phone. i listen for her breath, a sigh, some background noice. but nothing. i feel her worry through the phone.

"can i come over—"

"you should come ov—"

we say at the same time. "i'll pick you up tomorrow morning," i smile at the thought of finally getting to see her.

i hear her take a steadying breath, "okay," her voice sounding a bit lighter.

my mind starts to wander. what if i don't see her again for years after this? all this time, and i never thought i'd have to confront my feelings for her.

"hey, i'll call you later, okay?" i'm sad to end our call, but i didn't have time to waste.

"uh yeah," she says, sounding a bit disappointed. "talk to you later."

i hang up the phone, my mind racing, filled with all of her favorite things. that minnesota lynx jersey she loves, her favorite snacks, the lego sets she builds with drew.

i can't let her leave without knowing how much of me she's taking with her.

i start in my closet, sifting through my clothes. my fingers brush against the fabric of my favorite hoodie—the one paige always steals when she's here.

i pull the hoodie closer to my chest, hoping that, for a moment, i could capture the warmth of her hug. a mixture of my perfume and her shampoo. i swear no matter how many times i wash the damn thing, it always carries a piece of her. like the intricate stitching holding the fabric, our bond sewn into the core of who we are.

i run my fingers along the seams—strong, resilient, trustworthy. i guess some things are too deep to be washed away. maybe it'll remind her that no matter how far she goes, a part of us will always be intertwined.

she should have this. it's practically hers anyway.

next, i move to my bookshelf, scanning the titles. my eyes land on one of my favorite john green books, looking for alaska. every once in a while she'd ask me to read it to her so she could fall asleep. paige always claimed my books were boring, but sometimes i'd catch her leaning in, eyes wide and attentive, consumed in the story. maybe she'd finally get around to reading it herself.

lastly, i grab some scissors off my desk and head for my front porch. the old basketball hoop stands sentinel, a silent witness to countless hours of our shared passion. i run my fingers along the worn metal, remembering all the times we'd scrimmage until the streetlights flickered on. our laughter and trash talk echoing through the quiet neighborhood.

i tilt the hoop towards me cutting off a piece of the net. the frayed edges feel like memories slipping through my fingers.

she was my champion first.

before the world knew 'paige bueckers', i knew paige. the slight competitive spark she'd get in her eyes before every shot. her confident sway as she played, turning my front porch into an arena.

everyone is finally gonna see in her what i've known for years.

back in my room, i surveyed my collection. each item, a different memory. i reach under my bed, adding the final touch to my gift—an old lego set paige and i bought together a long time ago. i put off building it with her, claiming we should save it for a special night.

there is nothing more special than tomorrow night.

i want everything to be perfect. i find myself frantically cleaning the house at 2 am, as if paige hasn't visited countless times. i organize my bookshelf, fold clothes, anything to keep my hands busy and my mind from wandering to her.

my exhaustion finally takes over and i lay sprawled across my bed. i try to sleep but she's all i dream about.

except these aren't the usual dreams.

a sequence of different visions flash through my mind, in each of them i'm losing her. we're on a basketball court, but something's off. paige is wearing a uconn jersey, looking different in a way i can't quite place. older, more independent. i'm still in my high school uniform. we're on opposite sides of the court, the air between us heavy. i call out to her but no sound comes out.

i want to tell her something. but my throat tightens, restricting like it's trying to hold her too.

i wake up before the sun, in a cold sweat. it felt so real, almost predestined. a heavy ache in my chest lingers, still unable to articulate what i need to tell her. the thought of my nightmares becoming real ignites a motivation in me to figure it out. fast.

i close my eyes again, hoping for dreamless sleep this time.

tomorrow, i'll find the words. i'll make sure i do.

paige's pov:

the sun peaks through my blinds, waking me up earlier than usual. awaking to the sight of half-packed boxes leaves me disoriented. but my heart flutters when i check my phone to find seven unread text from azzi.

i'm gonna miss stuff like this the most.

glancing at the time, i start to pack a bag to stay the night. she technically didn't say i was sleeping over, but i know us well enough to know that i will.

i start throwing things into my bag—my favorite hoodie, some shorts, and a pillow. then i pause, remembering the last time we hung out at her grandparents' place.

everything i needed was already there.

i empty half the bag, smiling to myself. the hoodie she'd always let me wear, my toothbrush, that book azzi's always bugging me to read, even my favorite pillow. they're all still at her place.

i'm reaching for my phone to tell her i'm ready when i hear my doorbell. smoothing out my hair, i nearly trip down the stairs running to answer the door.

i take a quick breath. even after all this time, i still want to look good for her. the moment i open the front door i'm met with azzi's smile, carrying two coffees in her hands.

everything i need is right here.

"i'm surprised you're not still in your pajamas," she smiles, handing me a coffee.

"what? no, of course not. i've been up for hours," i lie, letting her roll her eyes at my comment.

"mhm," she turns walking to her car.

i glance at her while she walks, her attitude showing in her posture. within just a few seconds, i already feel lighter.

the drive there is both long and short. as we pull up to her grandparents' house, i feel a wave of nostalgia. how many summers have i spent here? how much of me will i be leaving behind?

azzi's grandma is already at the door as we get out of the car. "paigey!," she calls out, her voice warm and welcoming. "how's our little superstar?"

"hi grandma fudd," i mumble, as she pulls me into a hug. i feel like a kid again in her arms.

"look at you," she says, holding me at arm's length. "more beautiful every time i see you."

i blush bashfully at her compliments. "hey, what about me?" azzi pouts from behind us.

"oh hush, you too," she pulls azzi into a deep hug. "i'm glad you finally came, paige. i was worried you weren't gonna make it this year. azzi here hasn't stopped talking about you since your last visit."

i shoot azzi a look, raising my eyebrows at her. she blushes, looking away.

once inside, memories pass me by like a warm summer breeze. the creaky third step on the stairs, the faded marks on the doorframe where azzi and i measured our heights every summer. old family photos lining the hallway, many of which include me.

azzi leads me up to her room, her hand gently tugging at mine excitedly. i let her lead like it was my first time in this house.

as we enter her room, i can't help but notice how clean it looks. her bookshelf organized by size and color, desk clear and neat. i almost miss the messiness of it all, the way her personality leaked all over her bedroom walls.

had she cleaned everything for me?

i scan her bedroom walls, all of which are covered in photos of us. photos from practice, summer trips to the lake, championship games.

her bedroom a museum of us, a bold testament to our bond.

"you kept all of these?" i asked softly, touching the corner of a photo from years ago.

azzi shrugs, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. "of course," she clears her throat nervously. "only because i look so good in them," she laughs failing to hide her affection.

i turn to her, ready to tease her about being sentimental, but the words die on my lips. she's holding something behind her, smiling with her eyes.

she takes a deep breath, bringing her hands forward slowly. in them is a carefully wrapped package, similar to the half-packed boxes littering my floor at home.

"i, uh, got you this. well, more like...put together." she hands me the box.

my fingertips brush against hers, heart racing as i look up into her eyes. "az, you didn't have to—"

"just open it, p," she interrupts, her voice soft and eager.

i unwrap the box, finally catching sight of its contents. it feels like all of the air has been sucked out of the room, it's all too much for me. her favorite hoodie, a worn copy of looking for alaska, a piece of frayed net from the hoop on her porch. and...is that the lego set we bought a long time ago?

all pieces of us, delicately put together in a small brown box.

"az..." i whisper, blinking away tears.

"i wanted you to have a piece of home to take with you," she explains, her eyes seeking my reaction. "so you didn't forget me—us."

i look up at her, my vision blurring the edges around her face. a warmth in my heart builds, surrounded by fragments of us. the finality of it all finally hit me.

how can we pack all of us into a box? years spent together, inseparable for the longest time, just to be neatly packaged in a cardboard box.

there's still so much i want to take with me. how do you package the sound of azzi's laugh? the feeling of her hand in mine? how do i fold up the comfort of her presence and tuck it neatly into a suitcase?

our friendship is a living, breathing thing. packing it away feels inhumane. she will never be a cardboard box i push into the back of my closet, the back of my mind. azzi's warmth pulses underneath my skin. she's the movement that pushes the blood through my body.

i realize something now. home isn't minnesota. it isn't my house or even this one.

home is azzi. and i'm about to leave it behind.

the weight of this box, however light in pounds, pulls me to the floor. my knees buckling underneath me, unable to form a coherent sentence. i'm drowning in a sea of emotions, waves of nostalgia and fear crashing over me. i cry, clinging to the box, like a life vest. my breath comes in short gasps, like i'm barely keeping my head above water.

i hear her call my name, but i can't respond. her voice feels far, muffled by my own emotion. i want to reach out, to tell her i'm okay, but my body won't cooperate.

azzi's hoodie wraps around me like a buoy, keeping me from sinking into the depths of my fears. the book, a raft of memories. the piece of net becomes a rope, pulling me to the shore of home—to her.

i can feel her worry radiate off her in waves, matching the momentum of my fear.

azzi's my anchor, solid and hopeful, grounding me in this storm. her hands cup my face, holding me like water, wiping away the flood.

her touch is gentle, safe. i lean into it instinctively, she always knows how to bring me back to myself.

looking up, i meet azzi's gaze. her eyes are a mirror of my own—a mix of worry, empathy, and something deeper. something that's been left unspoken between the two of us for a long time.

i feel her eyes search my face, a warmth that cuts through the chill of my tears.

azzi's looking at me like i'm her anchor too like she's just as terrified of drifting apart.

"paige, look at me," she says softly, also crying, wiping away my tears before her own.

i force myself to focus on her face. the wetness of her eyelashes, the trembling of her breath, her flushed cheeks—anything to slow my thoughts.

she sits on her knees, catching my tears in her palms. "you're not losing me, okay?" her voice reassuring, but also breaking between her tears.

"okay," i mumble sniffling. before i can thank her or apologize, she pulls my forehead to her lips. they tremble softly against my skin, her sadness showing but insistent on soothing me first.

azzi pulls my head into her chest, stroking my hair gently. i wrap my arms around her waist firmly, thinking that maybe if i hold her tightly enough, i can keep her here—in this moment, forever.

my tears begin to settle as i focus on her heartbeat, trying to memorize it. each beat a resilient promise, a faint whisper of trust, something to hold on to.

we stay there for a moment before azzi pulls back, staring at me with such a tenderness it almost sets me off again.

my eyes fall on the lego set peeking out of the box, and i can't let but let out a shaky laugh. "you're finally letting me build this," i smile, "it only took me almost moving away, huh?"

azzi's face breaks into a small grin, relief showing in her eyes. "like i'd trust you to build it on your own. someone's gotta make sure you read the instructions."

"hey!" i gasp in mock offense. "instructions are for people who don't know what they're doing, i'm a professional lego architect."

"oh we'll see about that," she jabs, opening the box.

azzi's pov:

as we build the lego set together, i can't help but steal glances at paige. i read the instructions to her but she's definitely not listening. already working at the pieces, her focus is unbreakable. her tongue pokes out slightly as she concentrates. it's so quintessentially her, it makes my heart ache.

the day passes by in a blur of laughter and shared memories. it isn't until i notice how dark my room has gotten that i realize we've spent hours on my bedroom floor.

"see, i don't need instructions," paige says, proudly showing off the part she's assembled.

"yeah, whatever," i laugh, admiring her confidence.

we're interrupted by a soft knock at my door, the scent of fresh-baked cookies wafts from behind the door. i open the door to my grandma, always the perfect host, holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

she smiles warmly, "i thought you two might want a cookie break."

paige lunges up from the floor almost pushing me over, reaching for the plate. "you're gonna have to send some of these to connecticut," she says, between mouthfuls.

she laughs at her comment, "i wanted to give you this also," in her other hand she hands me an old film camera. "maybe you can capture something special," she smiles before closing the door.

"your grandma makes the best cookies," paige's voice muffled under the sound of her chewing.

before she can react, i snap a photo of her. the camera clicking in a way that makes me giggle.

"hey, i wasn't ready!" she snatches the camera out of my hands. "you're always the model anyways," she says, snapping a photo of me.

i give her a fake smile, still reaching for the camera. "happy now? give it back," i laugh, chasing her around my room.

"not until you give me a real smile," she holds the camera above her head.

"that's not gonna work, we're the same height, stupid," i reach for the camera nearly knocking it out of her hands.

"one picture, with a smile," she takes the camera up to her eye to look through the viewfinder.

i give her another impatient smile. she kneels down dramatically, shifting back and forth while snapping photos.

"okay, my turn," i reach for the camera again.

"these aren't real smiles," she pokes my side, making me giggle. "see there it is, hold still."

i drop my smile and pout dramatically. paige moves the camera away from her face and lunges towards me, jabbing at my sides. "stop, paige," i giggle, swatting at her hands.

she dodges me, her fingers continue relentlessly. i push her onto my bed, using my body weight to keep her still. we fight for a moment squirming around my mattress before i pin both of her wrists down. satisfied, i grin down at her. our laughter comes to a soft stop and we're both breathless.

"see, was that so hard?" paige tilts her head to the side, still out of breath. she attempts to reach her hands up again but i tighten my grip.

"oh, whatever," i roll my eyes, leaning closer to her, my hair draping over her face.

"can i tell you something?" she starts, her voice sounding a bit more serious.

"hm?" i respond, still satisfied i could hold her still.

paige hesitates for a moment, her eyes searching mine. "i've never actually had my first kiss," her cheeks flushing a light pink. "i thought i would've by now, before college, you know?"

i loosen my grip on her wrist, "oh, i had no idea. i figured plenty of guys would be lining up to kiss the paige bueckers," i tease.

"i guess," she looks away bashfully, "i just want it to be with someone special. someone i care about," her voice lowering to a whisper.

there's a silence that hangs between us. i feel my heart pounding in my chest. "like who?" i ask quietly.

i need to hear her say it.

her eyes flicker to my lips briefly before meeting my eyes again. "like...you," she says nervously, almost asking it like a question.

was she saying what i think she was?

"really?" i lean closer to her, my eyes wide and hopeful.

she lets out a nervous breath, her eyes intently locked on my lips. "yeah," she whispers, blinking quickly.

before i can overthink it, she leans in, closing the gap between us. her lips meet mine softly, and my hands reach for her face. i feel a nervous tremble in her lips, soft and warm. the pure flavor of her lips, tasting like vanilla and chocolate. her hands move to my waist, her thumb swaying slightly. we move slowly, gently, not wanting to rush this moment.

our kiss is tender like a warm summer night. her lips move sweetly and determined like she's thought of this before. her hands stroking softly saying "i've wanted this. wanted you."

when she pulls back i feel a new kind of emptiness. how am i going to live with the absence of her touch? she's opened a crack in my heart, long enough for the light to come in.

kissing paige was like sunlight embodied.

we stare at each other for a moment. caught in this new in-between.

what do you say after you kiss your best friend? how do you tell her it was your first kiss too?

"i'm glad it was you," she smiles, sitting up.

"yeah, me too," i murmur, my voice full of emotion. i lean to the side, still dazed from her touch.

"it's getting late, we should probably—" she starts.

"yeah...um," i respond uneasily, standing up to walk over to my closet. i grab one of my old t-shirts and a pair of shorts. "you can wear these to sleep in."

paige takes the clothes from me, her fingers brushing against mine. when we touch this time, it feels different, heavier. she heads to the bathroom to change, and i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding in.

even being just a room over, it feels like she's slipping through my fingers. i'm reminded of my nightmares from last night, paralyzed by the thought of losing her.

i need to tell her.

i grab a piece of paper and pen off my desk, my hands quivering slightly as i start to write.

the first part of the letter flows easily. but as i continue, i feel a shift. the truth hanging in the space between my pen and the paper.

she deserves the truth. and i owe it to myself, to finally tell her.

my heart races, searching for the right words as i continue...

i reread the letter, feeling vulnerable under my own words.

what if this ruins everything? what if she doesn't feel the same way?

i glance at my bedroom door, knowing paige could return at any moment. the panic sets in and i make a split-second decision. my hands shake as i tear the paper in half.

the first part, full of friendship and encouragement. it's a bit more sentimental than usual but not enough to make her suspect anything. i fold it neatly, placing it atop the other objects in the box. it's safe, expected.

the second part, my true feelings for her. i can't bring myself to throw it away, but i'm not ready for her to read it either. i tuck the small slip into the final pages of the last chapter of the book i'm giving her.

maybe one day i'll find the courage to tell her. maybe someday she'll finish the book and know how i really feel. but for now, this feels safe.

i don't know if i'm hoping she finds it or not.

as i hear the bathroom door open, i quickly close the book, sealing my fate. my heart pounds with the weight of my unspoken words.

my thoughts cease when i see her in my clothes. she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, looking unabashedly herself. for a moment, i see our future. imagining our closets becoming one, holding her as she falls asleep, an endless sleepover.

how am i supposed to let her go?

she catches me staring and smiles softly, a knowing glint in her eyes that makes my heart ache. without speaking, we settle into our usual routine. i let her sleep on my favorite side of the bed, she shifts around, trying to get comfortable. eventually, she turns on her side, her back facing me.

right before i drift off to sleep, i hear her call out to me. "azzi," she whispers softly into the dark.

"hm?" i answer, struggling to keep my eyes open.

"can you hold me?"

her voice gentle and vulnerable, as if i could hold every piece of her together. "of course," i wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her in closer. she sinks into my touch, her breath slows.

she drifts to sleep quickly in my arms, our heartbeats syncing. the weight of our unspoken words between us, laying heavily on my chest, pushing me towards a deep sleep.

i dream of never having to let her go.

[phfenomena]

❝in that lavender haze❞ || tom blyth x f!reader

| request- hear me out! lavender haze with tom 🤭

| A/N- done and done. im hearing you out and im listening so hard. i’ve been high probably like hundreds of times but still cannot properly word it sorry 💔

| WARNINGS- marijuana consumption (mega slay), kissing, eating, wine, tiktok, tooth rotting fluff,

(divider by @benkeibear)

the feeling of your lungs being filled with smoke made you giddy, everything with sharp edges turning soft and fuzzy. coughing lightly at the larger hit you’d taken you passed the blunt to your left, to tom.

your eyes fixed on the way his lips wrapped around it and the way he closed his eyes at the sensation. your hopeless crush on your mutual friend with rachel had been developing for months, seeing him at every gathering and meet up.

he was fairly nice and polite, the true english way. you just wished he’d converse with you, more than small talk. you’re laying on your back on the floor and studying the swirling patterns on the ceiling. out of your peripheral vision you see tom lay down next to you.

staring at the ceiling with you, you don’t ever say too much. and you don’t really read into my melancholia.

“you don’t have much to say, do you?” you question into the air hoping that tom would cling on. he hums and says “yeah, i don’t know what you like or what you don’t like so i jus’ say nothing.” you turn your head to face him- all caution thrown to the wind. you find it hard to care about your words in your state. “when i first met you i thought you hated me, you wouldn’t talk to me like how you talked to everyone else. thought i might’ve done something. sometimes i still think that.” you confess and it hangs lowly over both of you.

“i was honestly kind of scared of you. in my head you’re this cool actress who does slashers and everyone loves her. i didn’t wanna say the wrong thing.” you smile and place your hand on your chest. “you think i’m cool? i think you’re cooler, tom.”

his eyes crinkle when he laughs and you love it. you find it hard to decipher where the high ends and where how tom makes you feel starts, but they’re mixing. “i think you’re really cool. you do these cool like artistic horror movies and i’m kind of obsessed with your acting.”

i find it dizzying, they’re bringing up my history. but you aren’t even listening.

the group on the couch and chairs above you pass a bottle of wine and finish off the blunt. your friend laughs loudly and you turn to look at him. “do you remember that time last year when you dated the like entire cast of that one movie? what’s it called? i can’t remember. that was funny as shit.” you cringe and cover your face trying to forget.

tom lightly grazes your shoulder with his finger and whispers “are you hungry? i really want pizza right now.” you smile and nod. he wasn’t going to ask about your questionable past times. he pulls his phone out of his pocket and hands it to you. “i can’t function enough to order pizza, could you do it?” you happily nod and scroll your way through the menu before you both agree on toppings you both like.

i just wanna stay in that lavender haze. talk your talk and go viral, i just need this love spiral.

the pair had found themselves in a corner, talking and giggling over pizza whilst telling stories. “yeah! and she kept asking when i was going to settle down and get married. during an interview for a horror movie.” tom shakes his head and laughs. “i couldn’t get through one promo or interview without someone showing me at-least one edit of me. it was torture.” you pull your phone out and show him how edits of him had filled your timeline.

“you’re literally everywhere. i’m not complaining but sometimes i want to see something else!” he picks his phone up and shows your his own home page. “i’m sorry i ruined your tiktok, but this might make up for it.” his entire for you page was filled with edits of you and you co-stars from your latest movie.

you laugh and watch them “i had no idea people made edits of me, i feel honored. it’s like a right of passage.” he sets his phone down as well as his pizza. “they only the use the same ten clips of you covered in blood, i need more content.” you place you own pizza down and lean towards him.

“do you wanna know a secret i’m not supposed to tell anyone?” he nods and leans closer. “i’m gonna in the next scream movie and i’m one of the ghostface’s, you’re gonna see me murdering on the big screen.” he raises his eyebrows and you barley take into account how close your faces are.

“i love everything you’re in. when i first met you, i went home and watched everything you’ve done.” he confesses with a smile and red eyes. “i did the exact same thing, rachel told me i was creepy! we’re like each others biggest fans.”

get it off your chest, get it off my desk. that lavender haze, i just wanna stay.

you’re sitting in the bathtub of your bathroom passing a blunt back and forth between you and tom. “it’s so much quieter in here, i love them but they’re so loud.” you say leaning your head back on the tile. he softly chuckles and looks at you. “i can’t believe we could’ve been hanging out for months, i should’ve just talked to you.” you smile and set the blunt in the ashtray you brought with you.

“yeah but where’s the fun in that? this is probably the best night i’ve had in a while.” you turn to look at him and you study his features. you’ve never had a chance to really look at him, your glossy eyes try to memorize each slope and curve of his face.

“can i kiss you?” you whisper out before even realizing you’ve said it. he mutters a small ‘yes’ and you’re leaning in, like your body’s on autopilot. he tastes like weed and pizza, you couldn’t find a bone in your body that cared. you sluggishly manage to inch onto his lap. “you’re so pretty.” he whispers in between kisses. his hands find purchase on your waist, not letting you even dream of getting off of him.

you reluctantly pull back and his lips chase yours. “do you wanna hang out tomorrow?” you ask him with a smile. “i would be honored, maybe i’ll take you out on a real date.” his hands are rubbing small circles on your waist. “the press is gonna love that one.” you mutter out before leaning back into him.

[nats-bottom]

NR - I Never Get Jealous

Summary: Natasha gets jealous over Reader dancing with other women.

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, jealousy

Notes: Sorry this took so long for me to write! I had some writer's block, but I'm back now!

I saw Fly Me to the Moon last night, and it is such a good movie! I highly recommend!

I also have accounts on Wattpad and AO3! The users there are @ paige_vers

Please give me requests! You can submit them here or on my insta, @ scarlettsoutset

ᨖᨖೱᨖ⧗ᨖⴵᨖ🕷️ᨖⴵᨖ⧗ᨖೱᨖᨖ

Natasha POV

I took another sip of my drink. Me and my girlfriend, y/n were at another one of Tony's parties. He threw parties all the time, most of the time for no reason. This party was no different. Just a party for no specific reason, with random people that none of us knew. 'Us' being the Avengers. We were all there because one, Tony made us all come, and two, there was no way we could sleep in the tower with all the loud music. 

I'm taken out of my thoughts when I feel a hand on my thigh and hear y/n say she's going to go dance. I give her a quick kiss and watch her as she walks off towards the dance floor. I move to the couch area, where a bunch of other Avengers are sitting. I sit down next to Steve, who's sitting next to Bucky. They each have a beer in hand, and are casually flirting with each other, but won't admit it. I start up a conversation with them, internally laughing every time one of them blushes at the other's comment. 

After a while, I get a glimpse of y/n on the dance floor, dancing with two other women, neither of whom I know. I feel the anger inside of me rising as I see y/n grinding on one of them. I watch her for a few minutes, when Steve waves his hand in front of my face. 

"Nat? Are you there Nat? Earth to Natasha!" he says trying to get my attention.

"What? Oh sorry. What's going on?" I ask.

"I just asked you how many pop tarts you think Thor will eat tonight. But clearly your mind is somewhere else. What's up?" 

"Oh, um, y/n is just dancing a little too much with some other women." I say as I feel the heat rising to my cheeks. 

"Ohhhh, I see. Someone's jealous." Bucky says with a smirk.

"No, I'm not jealous. I'm just, um, observing." I reply, not wanting to admit to my jealousy.

"Yes you definitely are. You should see your face." Steve says with a chuckle.

"Fine. I guess I am. And I'm going to go do something about it." I say as I get up and set down my drink on the table. I hear Bucky and Steve try to stop me, but I just ignore them and keep walking towards y/n. I squeeze through other people in the crowd and finally get to y/n. 

"Nat! Wanna da-" but before she can finish I pull her into me and give her a big kiss on the lips. She acts a little shocked at first, but then melts into the kiss. As I let go for air, she tries to hang on to the kiss a little longer. I keep my arms around her waist, hers around my neck. "What was that about?" She said with a smirk.

"I just didn't like how you were dancing with those other ladies." The other women had walked away by this point, leaving once they saw me glare at them. 

"Oh, is someone a little jealous?" y/n asks smugly, and drunkenly. 

"Jealous? Me? I never get jealous." I replied.

"Yeah. Sure. Uh-huh. I saw the look on your face as you came over here."

"I was not jealous. You can dance with whoever and I won't care." I say, trying to get her to believe me when I say that I'm not jealous.

"Then why'd you scare those other ladies off?"

"Because I want them to know that you're mine and mine only." I say in a deep voice. I pull her off the dance floor and to a couch in an area with the other Avengers. I sit down first and put her on my lap, putting my arms around her stomach. She rests her hands on mine and she leans back into my embrace. 

We talk with the other Avengers about random things, from Tony's newest project to how fast everyone thinks Pietro can run. I'm not really paying attention to the conversation though, all I can think of is y/n. How pretty she looks tonight, how she was dancing, and how I wished she danced with me like that. I move her hair aside, and start kissing her neck. She tilts her head to the other side a little after letting out a small, barely audible gasp. I start nibbling on her neck, making sure to leave a mark. I suck on the bite, then run my tongue over it. I move over to another spot, doing the same. I look over the marks I made, satisfied with it.

I move my hands to y/n's arms, rubbing them up and down. I whisper in her ear "you look so pretty, all marked up. Showing everyone else that you're all mine." I feel her squirm a little in my lap. "You like that don't you, pretty girl." I say, now playing with her hair. I nibble on her ear a little and I feel her shiver. "You just want everyone here to know that, don't you. You want everyone here to hear you scream my name." I hear her gasp, and see her nod ever so slightly. "Meet me in our room in 10 minutes." I whisper in her ear. She nods and excuses herself from the party, saying that she's tired and wants to go to bed. About five minutes later I excuse myself, explaining that I have an early day tomorrow. 

I leave the party and head to my room. I open the door to our shared room and see y/n there on the bed, clad in a matching lingerie set. I close the door behind me and walk up to her, smashing our lips together.

[colorquest]

~☆~

D: Hey, hey, how much you wanna bet I can jump from the ladder to that chest without getting hurt? D: I'll land on all fours. M: I'm not sure I really want to bet anything on that, D... S: If there's anyone who could do that, it'd be you Debbie. D: Okay both of those answers are useless to me. D: Vilmr can you at least pretend you don't believe I'll make it so I can rub it in your face when I do? V: ... 🔆 D: Vilmr? S: You look deep in thought Vilmr, what's on your mind? V: I am just starting to wonder... V: If maybe we should ask Maja, if we should be streaming this. D: Are you serious. M: Do you mean from a legal standpoint, or...? V: I am thinking more about our karma. V: What if we are attracting bad company, observing this as skeptics? D: Well then you shouldn't have to worry because you're not the one seeing it. V: I can worry for your safety too, you know. S: It's nice of you to worry for us Vilmr, but I think it's alright. D: Yeah a million jillion people have seen eclipses before and ended up okay. D: Probably. D: I mean how else would we be here right now. V: Mmh... V: Maybe...

S: Oh hey, I know we can't tonight, but... S: You know what'd be fun tomorrow night? D: What? S: We should play night tag again! 🔆 S: Since the moon's so new it'll still be extra dark out. S: I know how much you like night tag Vilmr! V: Only if it's not in the woods this time! V: I hate it when Debbie hides in the trees. V: We can never find her! D: Hey okay, nobody ever said it was against the rules. V: Well I want it to be against the rules now. D: Pssh. D: Not my fault I'm super smart and think like, five steps ahead. S: Well, we could fly down somewhere more wide open if Yuan is around tomorrow night? D: Fuuuuuuuck yes, I'd be so down. M: Oh, I don't think I can tomorrow. S: *gasp* S: Oh my gosh right, tomorrow is your first night at the comic shop isn't it? M: Yeah, but I don't mind if you guys go ahead without me! D: Excuses, excuses... D: If you're scared of getting owned just say so. M: You got me, D. M: My job is just an elaborate ploy to avoid losing at tag. S: Well maybe we could save it for another day and go comic shopping instead? :> D: What the heck, are we gonna be shopping for like, hours? D: We could still play night tag, like, we can do both-- OH! D: Ohhhhh, if we do go though, Michael you BETTER remember to bring that hat. M: Haha, of course D.

S: *yawwwwwn* S: Vilmr, you still seem pretty agitated, are you that worried? V: What do you think? D: I'm not even gonna get innnnnnto this anymore! D: Honestly I think it's just so stupid silly. D: If you don't even believe in this stuff for real, what is even your reasoning this time? V: Debbie, just because I do not worship a moon god does not mean I do not believe in bad karma. V: With or without gods, things are always at play in this universe. V: It is not stupid, not to me. V: What happens if it really is a bad omen? V: What if we're doing something really dumb right now? V: Just to say you got to see it? D: Jeez Vilmr, you gave me your cell so you could avoid talking like this! D: I might as well be replaying Maja's voicemail, you two sound so similar. V: You are impossible! M: Vilmr, we're not the only ones watching this livestream.🔆 M: I'm seeing there's at least another fifty on the same page. M: Do you think they're in trouble too? V: Yes, I do. V: I'm really starting to think this stream shouldn't be up in the first place. V: There is a reason why this eclipse is in such a remote part of the planet. V: Think about it. V: The only places this can even be observed at all are either in the middle of the emptiest ocean in the whole world, or on the furthest edge of all of Halvma. V: Nobody even lives there. V: It's almost like nobody's meant to be seeing this one. S: What do you think is going to happen, Vilmr?

V: I! V: I do not know. V: But it feels like something bad. V: The air is biting all around me, I can feel it. S: Vilmr, I don't mean this in any sort of judgemental way or anything, but... S: You tend to say these kinds of things about a lot of things. S: And things usually end up alright. V: Ah, but see you fail to realise, you use the keyword: "usually." V: As in, not always. V: Sometimes, things still go bad. M: ...you do seem to have some pretty impressive foresight from time to time, I have to give it to you. V: Thank you. D: Okay well nothing's gonna stop me from watching this, sorry not sorry. D: If it means I'll die, at least I did it watching something cool, right Samantha? S: ... D: .........Smumantha...... S: Well now I'm nervous! V: And there is good reason for this! D: Well duh, you scared her into feeling that way! D: -_-!!! M: Okay, I know I complimented your foresight just now Vilmr but I really do think it's... a bit of a stretch? M: This time, I mean. M: Like, uh, aside from the fact that this might be legally dubious, D: enough with that already we gettttt it we get it. M: I think we'll be okay. M: It's not like we're actually seeing it in real life, you know? M: It's just a projection of it, after all. S: Oh, I guess that's a good point. D: Literally such a good point, probably the best point you've ever made actually Michael. V: Blughghhhhhh...

D: It's already about to start anyways, huhuhuhUAHAH!!! S: Ahhh no okay I'm still scared! M: It's just a video Samantha, nothing divine about that! V: Maja förlåt miggggggg... D: No turning back now, scaredyturds!

<[Last] || [Next]>

[torscrawls]

Batman’s no-kill policy is ectophobic

Summary:

“Well that just makes it sound like he thinks ghosts are worse than humans, you know? And! It got me thinking, Batman refuses to kill his enemies, right?” “Right,” Tim faintly agreed, desperately trying to make sense of this conversation. Phantom relentlessly continued, oblivious to Tim’s spiraling sanity. “Maybe that’s because he thinks that ghosts are less than humans! He doesn’t want to create more of us.”

Phantom is upset that Batman refuses to kill his enemies. Tim just wants his shift to start so he can get out of this conversation.

Words: 1 245

You can read the whole thing on AO3.

-

Tim was sitting in the break room of the Watchtower, mindlessly flipping channels on the big wall-mounted TV while trying to wake up for his next shift. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Phantom slowly drift in front of the big windows, face almost pressed against the glass and his whole attention fixed on the stars outside.

This in and of itself wasn’t anything uncommon; Phantom seemed to have an almost obsessive fascination with space, but what had caught Tim’s attention was the frown on the ghost’s face. Normally he would have a dreamy expression if not a big smile on his face as he watched the expanse outside the windows, but not today. And Tim was willing to admit that it was getting to him.

After another few minutes of switching between channels, silence, and no change in the frowning Tim pressed the off button on the remote and heaved a sigh as he turned to face the window and the floating ghost. “What’s wrong?”

Phantom startled as if he had forgotten he wasn’t alone in the room, or as if he had forgotten he could be seen by others. He had a bad habit of forgetting to turn himself visible and scaring the shit out of people around the tower. He looked over his shoulder and fixed Tim with a wide eyed, literally shining, look of confusion. “What do you mean wrong?”

Tim made a vague gesture at the ghost. “You’ve been frowning ever since I got here. Did something happen?”

Phantom turned around in the air, spinning on his own axis until he was looking at Tim upside down. Tim noted that his hair stayed in the same position throughout. He wasn’t jealous, not at all.

“Well, I was just thinking... Does Batman hate ghosts?”

Tim blinked, thrown by the direction the conversation had taken. “What? No?”

The frown on Phantom’s face deepened as he righted himself in the air. “But he just told me that he ‘was sorry for my loss’, as if something bad had happened? And when I asked him what he meant he said he regretted not being able to save me.”

Tim paused, weighting his words carefully before slowly saying, “I’m sure he just meant that he was sorry that you had… You know…” Tim trailed off, winced, and then forced out, “Died.”

It was always a hard subject to breach, nobody liked to think about death. The Justice League and the Batfamily had all come to the unanimous decision to avoid the subject around their newest member since they were convinced that he would react badly to the topic.

Phantom snorted. “Yeah I know. Kinda hard to miss.”

“I didn’t mean—”  

But Phantom cut him off, “Wait. Is that why none of you talk about death around me? You’re scared that I’m gonna be, what? Offended?”

“Well… No?” Tim said unconvincingly.

Phantom laughed. “Oh my Ancients! You did! That’s so cute!”

“You know, we don’t really talk about death with each other either,” Tim said, feeling like he had to defend himself somehow.

Phantom tilted his head, still smiling. “Why?”

Tim blinked, thrown by the question. “Because… People don’t like to think about that?”

Phantom pursed his lips in thought. “See, that’s what I meant! Isn’t that just kinda rude? I mean, I’m dead, does that mean you guys don’t wanna think about me?”

“No?” Now it was Tim’s turn to frown. “That’s different.”

“Hmm,” Phantom hummed, looking unconvinced.

Tim scrambled for a change in subject and latched onto the first thing that came to mind. “So why would you think that Bruce hated you just because he said he was sorry for your loss?”

“Well that just makes it sound like he thinks ghosts are worse than humans, you know? And! It got me thinking, Batman refuses to kill his enemies, right?”

“Right,” Tim faintly agreed, desperately trying to make sense of this conversation.

Phantom relentlessly continued, oblivious to Tim’s spiraling sanity. “Maybe that’s because he thinks that ghosts are less than humans! He doesn’t want to create more of us.”

Tim had to step in at that, feeling like they weren’t on the same page when it came to some very important fundamentals. “Phantom, you—you understand that people don’t like dying, right? It’s the end.”

Phantom tilted his head with a look of confusion. “It’s not though?”

And Tim guessed that was true. He couldn’t really argue the point with a literal ghost, now could he?

“The town I come from, people don’t really care. Death, life, it’s kinda all the same,” Phantom said happily, as if that wasn’t a very troubling statement to make. And with no respect for Tim’s quickly dwindling sanity, he continued with a thoughtful finger tapping at his lower lip, “Except that death has a lot more flying in it. And energy beams.”

Tim made a mental note to try and find out exactly what town Phantom was talking about. Hopefully it wasn’t one on Earth. He managed a resigned, “Of course,” and hoped that was the end of the conversation. He needed to have enough energy left for his whole shift after all.

But Phantom just nodded and continued on, “Batman refusing to kill his enemies is all just an obvious ploy not to have them move on as ghosts!”

“Obviously,” Tim faintly agreed.

“That’s messed up! He just wants to trap them in the human realm with him so he can torment them forever!” Phantom shook his head. “I know a couple of people in the Zone who would love to exchange torture ideas with him. I thought that Fright Knight was scary and now I’m working with a guy like that, can you believe it?”

Tim couldn’t. “I—I don’t think that’s what he means by that.”

Phantom huffed in annoyance and crossed his arms. “It’s blatant ectophobia, is what it is!”

Tim opened his mouth to try and come up with an argument when the subject of their argument stepped into the break room. Bruce addressed him with clear disapproval in his voice, “Red Robin, you’re late for your shift.”

Tim had never been so grateful to receive Bruce’s disappointment. At least he wasn’t alone in this shitshow of a conversation anymore. “I’m sorry. Me and Phantom was just having a conversation about how you’re clearly discriminatory towards ghosts.”

Bruce stopped from where he had turned to leave. “…What?”

Phantom nodded. “Yeah! Don’t think I’ve forgotten your rude comment earlier about your condolences!”

Despite the bizarre situation, Tim almost laughed at the shocked expression on Bruce’s face, visible even under the mask. His father opened his mouth, closed it, and tried again, “I was just saying that I wish I could have helped you before you ended up as a ghost.”

“And I’m saying that that’s clearly showing a preference for living people!”

Bruce pressed his mouth into a thin line before saying, “I think we need to have a conversation about the value of life if you’re going to be joining us on any more rescue missions.”

“See!” Phantom looked at Tim as he gestured angrily at Bruce “There he goes again!”

Tim got up from the sofa. “I’m late for my shift.” And he left the break room as if the ghosts of hell were at his heals. Which they kind of were; Phantom’s angry voice following him down the corridor. He really wasn’t awake enough for this shit.

[whimsicalpolitical]

"i’m.. i’m trying. i really am."

for matty 🙏🤍

love you so much!

thank you, love!! i love you

you’re surprised he’s still sleeping.

normally, matty wakes up restless, sheets tangled around his legs, his brows knitted like he’s deep in some half-formed dream he can't quite shake. but this morning, he’s still, his face buried in the pillow, hair a mess of curls splayed in every direction. his ringed fingers peek out from under the duvet, twitching slightly like he’s reaching for something. or someone.

you balance the mug of coffee in your hand, steam curling up and dispersing into the cold air of his room. the floorboards creak slightly under your weight, and his nose wrinkles at the sound, his eyes fluttering open just a crack.

he sees the coffee first. the his gaze trails up to meet yours.

“erm, thanks,” he rasps, his voice rough with the remnants of last night’s whiskey and sleep. he pushes himself up, shoulders tight, lips parting like he wants to say more.

you tilt your head, the words slipping out before you can stop them. “what? surprised to see me?”

his brows pinch together, eyes flicking away like he’s ashamed to look at you too long. “didn’t think you’d still wanna be around after…” he swallows, his fingers curling around the coffee mug, knuckles pale. “y’know, me being a right fuckin’ mess.”

you take a breath, trying to steady yourself. “yeah, well, that mess is my boyfriend. or at least, I thought he was.”

he flinches like the word stings. “i didn’t mean to—”

“ghost me for a week?” you snap, folding your arms. “george had to fucking call me because you were too pissed to get yourself home.”

you don’t let him answer, “and you couldn’t even text me anything, could’ve just told me to fuck off or something.

he exhales slowly, setting the coffee down on the nightstand with a dull thud. he rubs a hand over his face. “i would never want you to fuck off. i wanted to. i fucking wanted to call. i just.. couldn’t.”

“why?” Your voice cracks, and you hate how small it sounds. “why couldn’t you, matty?”

his jaw works like he’s chewing on the words, trying to spit them out without choking. finally, he mutters, “because i didn’t want you to realize you’re dating a twat and decide to run for the hills.”

your eyes widen, disbelief knotting in your stomach. “you think that’s your call to make?”

he looks at you then, really looks at you, his eyes glassy and raw. “it’s not fair to you,” he says quietly. “you deserve better. i’m shit at this—at relationships. i thought maybe if i gave you a bit of space, you’d figure out you don’t need someone who falls apart every other week.”

“that’s bollocks, matty. you don’t get to decide how much of your ‘mess’ I can handle. that’s my choice. and right now, i’m standing here, aren’t i?”

he presses his lips together, his fingers gripping the edge of the duvet like he’s holding on for dear life.

“i fucked up.”

“yeah, you did,” you say, your voice softening despite yourself. “but disappearing on me doesn’t protect me from anything. it just makes me feel like i don’t matter.”

“you matter more than anyone. that’s the problem.” he breathes in deeply, “christ, i’ve never felt this way about anyone and i am fucking scared, alright? i don’t want to fuck up.”

“maybe stop trying to protect me from yourself. i’m here because i want to be. even when you’re a mess.”

he lets out a shaky laugh, the sound bitter and fragile. “you’re too good for me.”

you ease down onto the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under your weight. for a second, neither of you says anything. the silence hangs heavy, fragile as glass, like one wrong move could shatter it all. you glance down at his hand, the rings glinting faintly in the morning light, his fingers twitching like they’re unsure of what to do.

slowly, you reach out, and his hand finds yours—tentative, trembling slightly. his thumb brushes over your knuckles, tracing the lines of your skin like he’s memorizing them, afraid he might forget.

he clears his throat, his voice barely above a whisper. “i’m— i’m trying. i really am.”

“i know,” you squeeze his hand gently, grounding him.

his eyes flicker up to meet yours, and for a moment, you see all the raw, unfiltered parts of him—the fear, the guilt, the hope. he bites his bottom lip, his brows furrowing like he’s struggling to find the right words.

“i just… i really am scared,” he admits, his voice breaking. “Scared I’m gonna fuck this up even more. scared I’ll hurt you.”

“matty, being scared is fine. but shutting me out? that’s what hurts.”

he swallows hard, his grip on your hand tightening. “i don’t wanna do that anymore. i promise.”

you nod, the anger you’d felt earlier softening into something more fragile. “then let me in. even when you’re a mess. even when it’s ugly.”

“alright,” he breathes out shakily, “i’m sorry. you didn’t deserve that.”

You pull his hand into your lap, running your thumb over the cool metal of his rings. “it’s okay, as long as you won’t do that anymore.”

“i won’t.”

he watches you for a second longer, eyes dark and full of something heavy and unspoken. then his hand moves, sliding to the nape of your neck, fingers threading gently into your hair. before you can say anything, he tugs you forward, not roughly, just enough to pull you into him, his arms wrapping around you tightly.

“m’sorry,” he mumbles into the crook of your neck, his voice cracking. “god, i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to shut you out. didn’t mean to hurt you.”

you feel the warmth of his breath on your skin, his body so close it’s like he’s trying to mold himself to you. you let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding, your hand coming up to rest against his shoulder, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt.

“hey,” you whisper, “it’s alright.”

he pulls back just enough to look at you, his brows drawn together, eyes glassy. “it’s not, though. you shouldn’t have to deal with my bullshit.”

you shake your head, a small smile tugging at your lips despite everything. “i want to deal with your bullshit, matty. that’s what this is, yeah? i’m here for all of it. the good, the bad, the messy.”

his lips twitch, like he’s fighting a smile of his own. “even when i’m a self-sabotaging twat?”

you huff a laugh, brushing your thumb against his jaw. “especially then.”

his eyes soften, and for a moment, he just looks at you like he’s trying to figure out how he got so lucky. then he dips his head, his nose bumping yours, lips brushing so lightly it’s barely a kiss.

“i don’t deserve you,” he murmurs.

“stop saying that,” you reply, your lips ghosting over his cheek. “you’ve got me, haven’t you?”

he sighs, his forehead resting against yours. “yeah. and i don’t wanna fuck that up again.”

“then don’t,” you whisper. “just… be here. with me.”

his hand tightens on the back of your neck, pulling you in until your lips meet his. the kiss is slow, almost hesitant at first, like he’s afraid he might break you. but then you press closer, your fingers sliding up into his curls, and he melts into you, the tension in his shoulders finally unraveling.

when you pull back, he’s breathing a little harder, his eyes searching yours. “so… what do you wanna do today?” his voice is low, cautious, like he doesn’t want to break whatever fragile peace you’ve just found.

you smile, your fingers brushing along his jawline. “just stay here. stay in bed all day. with you.”

his lips quirk into a half-smile, the kind that makes his dimples appear. “yeah?”

“yeah,” you nod, tugging him back down onto the bed with you. “nothing else matters today. just this.”

he lets out a soft, relieved laugh, pulling you against his chest. his arms wrap around you, one hand still resting at the nape of your neck, like he’s afraid to let go. you press your ear to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

“that sounds perfect,” he whispers, his lips pressing a gentle kiss to your hair. “hot cocoa and bed rotting. very on-brand.”

you laugh softly, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. “as long as you don’t ghost me halfway through the day.”

his smile falters just a bit, but he shakes his head, eyes steady on yours. “promise. i’m not going anywhere.”

you smile, finally feeling the knot in your chest loosen. “good. then i guess you’re stuck with me.”

he grins, leaning down to kiss you again, slow and sweet. “wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[exzpensive]

A Christmas Surprise - R. Cameron

a/n : hello guysss so here's a story for a early Christmas gift !!! it was supposed to come out on Christmas Eve but im going to busy so enjoy and im not the best at this type of stuff so its not perfect... merry Christmas

Warning : none !!! just pure fluff

You spin around, trying to spot Rafe through the crowded christmas market crowd. The smell of cinnamon, pine, and peppermints fills the air, and twinkling fairy lights at vendors stall. People rush past you, their arms loaded with gift bags and hot coco, but you can’t seem to find him anywhere.

“if he’s with topper again, I’m going to kill him” you mutter under your breath, You’re about to pull out your phone to text him when you slam into a firm chest.

“Whoa, slow down,” a familiar voice drawls. You glance up to see Rafe , a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. His cheeks flushed from the cold, and a beanie is pulled low over his messy blonde hair.

“Rafe!” you scold, narrowing your eyes. “I’ve been looking for you…you was supposed to be here an hour ago what the hell ”

He grins, leaning casually on the nearest lamppost “Well, you found me. Consider it a Christmas miracle.”

You huff, crossing your arms. “You’re late. And the only good reason would be if you was helping Sarah and John B with the baby”

“Relax, princess,” stepping closer. His gloved hand brushes your arm, sending warmth through your coat. “You’re gonna like this, trust me. Even though it’s not JJ ”

Before you can argue, he takes your hand and starts weaving through the crowd, pulling you along behind him. His confidence is almost maddening, but the way he keeps glancing back to make sure you’re keeping up melts a little of your irritation.

“Where are we going?” you ask, your breath visible in the chilly air.

“Patience,” he says over his shoulder.

The market starts to thin out as he leads you toward a quieter part of the square. You notice a small path lined with lanterns, each one glowing softly against the snow-dusted ground. At the end of the path is a cozy little ice rink, completely empty except for a wooden bench with a blanket and a thermos sitting on it.

“Rafe when and how did you do this” you breathe, taking it all in.

He shrugs, shoving his hands into his coat pockets, but there’s a flicker of pride in his eyes. “Figured the market was too crowded. Thought this might be more… us.”

For a moment, you’re speechless. The lights strung around the rink twinkle like stars, reflecting off the ice in a way that feels almost magical.

“This is so cuteeeee baby ” you say, looking up at him.

Rafe smirks, his confidence fully intact now. “Yeah, I know.” He gestures toward the bench. “So you wanna start skating?”

You laugh, shaking your head as you sit down to pull on a pair of skates. Rafe joins you, and within minutes, the two of you are on the ice. He’s surprisingly good, skating circles around you. ( I feel like Rafe would eat as a hockey player lowkey back to story)

“You didn’t tell me you were an expert,” you say, wobbling slightly as he skates backward in front of you.

“Didn’t want to scare you off,” he replies.

As the night goes on, you lose count of how many times he teases you, how many times you laugh, and how many times he “accidentally” skates a little too close just to catch you. By the time you’re back on the bench, wrapped in the blanket and sharing hot coco from the thermos, your cheeks ache from smiling.

“I can’t believe you did all this,” you say softly, looking at him.

Rafe shrugs, but there’s a rare softness in his expression. “Christmas isn’t really my thing, but… I don’t know. Thought it might be fun. With you.”

Your heart flips, and before you can overthink it, you lean in and kiss him. It’s warm and slow, the kind of kiss that makes you forget the cold entirely.

When you pull back, he’s grinning again, but this time it’s different softer, sweeter. “Merry Christmas,” he says, his voice low.

You smile, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Merry Christmas, Rafe. I love you”

[mayasaurusss]

Hi hi!! Love ur writing :3 could we maybe get something about seeing a horror movie with Shauna? Reader is a huge horror fan and Shauna thinks the movie sounds kinda corny but still wants to see something with them?

Day nineteen: watching a scary movie.

Hello anon! It so happened that you requested this just as I was about to start fictober, so I've decided to include your request in! Sorry for the delay. This might be slightly bad because unfortunatley I only slept two hours tonight and I can't even form coherent thoughts.

Shauna sits on your couch, looking at you pulling out your DVD stash.

"I hope you picked a good movie, not one of those corny ones" she says, judging your movie choice.

You had invited your lovely girlfriend, Shauna, to have a movie marathon with you. Now, you knew she wasn't a horror movie fan so you thought she was going to give you a half ass apology, but instead she agreed.

"What movie did you pick?" she looks over your shoulders to see an old dvd copy of 'Scream'. You hear her sigh behind you, and turn to see her slouching back into the couch. "What?! It's a classic, we've gotta see it!".

Shauna can already feel a vein popping in her head. She simply doesn't like horror movies, of any kind, especially those old 80's to 90's movies. Friday the Thirteenth, Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream and many others really aren't the kind of movies she'd watch for fun, unlike you. She much prefers drama and romance.

"I know it's a classic, I'm just not so sure I'll like it" the couch cushion dips under your weight as you sit next to Shauna. "You will, I promise".

“Can’t we like, watch creepy children’s movies? Like Coraline or Monster’s House?” you slowly turn your head at her, giving her a judgmental look. “Kids movies? I mean…yeah maybe we could, but I wanna see this first” you wave the empty case in the air, emphasizing it. “Alright…”

As the movie goes on, Shauna feels more creeped out than she'd like to admit. She moves closer to you, leaning on your body for comfort.

"Oh don't tell me, are you getting scared?" you tease her, feeling how she slightly trembles against you. "No I'm not, I just want to figure out who it is". You scoff at her, "Yeah baby, sure".

During the film, you keep making trivia references about the making of the movie and it's lore, making it harder for Shauna to even enjoy the movie. "You know here in this scene, it's one of the few times where Ghostface is played by an actor and not a stuntman!" and "The party scene was shot over twenty one days!" and "Ghostface's costume was supposed to be white!" and so on.

Her body betrays her when ghostface appears behind Sidney, ready to slice her throat. As the masked killer suddenly appears, Shauna lets out a scream of pure terror and clings for dear life to you.

"Shauna!" she buries herself in your arms, steering her eyes away from the tv. "Hey! It's done, it's done" she emerges from the blankets like a scared puppy, looking between you and the tv. "Is it over?" you let out a relieved sigh, looking to see if she's alright. "Yeah; yeah I paused it".

The monitor illuminates the dark living room, giving it a disturbing look of suspension in time. "...Sorry" she lets go of your body, sitting up straight and away from you, as if staying any second longer may not let her breathe.

"And for what? I am sorry, I forced you to watch something you didn't feel comfortable in" you may have gone overboard, but in truth, you just wanted to slightly tease her. You certainly didn't expect this reaction out of her.

"I am sorry, truly" you tell her, watching how the fear leaves her eyes to be replaced with relief. "But I wanted to. I wanted to watch it with you" she pauses for a second, "You're my... I like you, and I wanted to spend time with you".

A deep feeling of adoration fills your heart and you take her in your arms and hug her tight against you. "Aww, you're so cute!". Shauna is blushing deeply, but she secretly loves all this attention and sweet words you're giving her.

You remain tangled with each other for a moment, until you feel her shift and look up at you. "So...can we watch The Addams Family instead?".