#yeah i am going with that for the ogre's name

[lasanha-do-lidl]

Shh, boss is sleeping.

[smute]

this is going to sound arrogant but i have yet to hear about a fancy office job that doesn't make me go "oh wow i could do that" and yet when i read an ad for something like junior assistance assistant that pays minimum wage and makes access to indoor plumbing sound like a perk im like "god im so underqualified"

[nwjws]

the solution to our problems - three.

; synopsis - 6 months after your break up, you’re sick and tired of your ex who's always following you around or sending you a text from some new number. luckily for you, the leader of the school’s dance club and campus heartthrob, yang jungwon, seems to have a solution that’ll solve both your problems - to fake date each other.

three. need rescuing? (1.4k words)

two. ; masterlist ; four.

you and the girls walk and chat as the local 7/11 comes into view.

although you and hanni don't want to buy anything, you two accompany minji into the little store to escape the november cold.

"oh, i've never seen this pocky flavour before. is it new?" hanni asks as she turns to you and minji, holding up a box of pocky sticks to show.

"me neither, maybe?" you wonder.

"youngseo?"

you and hanni's attention are grabbed when minji calls out the younger girl, who's passing by the aisle with a shopping basket of items in her hands. youngseo stops in her tracks and looks at you guys with wide, surprised eyes.

"oh, hi guys!"

"what are you doing here? shouldn't you be at school?" hanni asks as youngseo makes her way towards you and your friends.

"yeah. we're on our lunch break right now, and jungwon asked me to get him some food. that idiot forgot to bring some lunch before he left home," she rolled her eyes at the thought of her cousin. "so now i'm here buying snacks for him during my precious break."

"why didn't he just come get it himself? the store is closer to decelis than belift high's campus," minji asks as you and hanni laugh at youngseo's words.

"that's what i said! but he was like 'noo i'm in a club meeting right now and can't go'. i swear he's just lazy," she says, mocking jungwon in a lower voice while holding her fingers up in a quotation gesture.

"well, we're on the way to the library there, so just come with us," hanni offered.

"okay, nini!"

minji and youngseo pay together before the four of you leave the store.

you three walk youngseo up to the dance club's studio, when you notice something - or more like someone in the corner of your eye.

you whip your head in the direction, and see your ex, minho's head quickly dip behind a corner.

"y/n? what's wrong?" hanni asks when she noticed you turn to look in a different direction. you turn back to the girls looking at you with concerned looks on their faces.

"it's ogre. he's here again," you explain in a hushed voice, referring to the boy using your code name.

"no way," youngseo says in surprise, trying to catch a glimpse. "you guys should come in for a bit then. at least until he leaves."

you guys nod at her thankfully and follow her into the room, while you give your friends a confused look at how she knows. minji quietly explains how they told their younger friend.

music blasts as footsteps hit the floor in sync with the beat. you close the door behind you, but not before poking your head out and trying to find the 'ogre', spotting him poke his head out to get a glimpse at you before hiding again when seeing he was caught.

you follow the other three as they walk up to jungwon at the front, who’s watching the dancers’ forms.

"here, dumbass. i got you some instant noodles and bungeoppang,” youngseo says as she hands him the bag.

“thanks,” he says taking them out and then nodding at you three in acknowledgment, albeit with a little confusion on his face.

“you better be - i could be eating and relaxing since it’s my break, but here i am, taking care of you like a mother,” the girl huffed. “anyways, i brought them in because y/n’s ex is being a creep and following them.”

“you just let them in as if you have the authority to do so,” jungwon rolls his eyes as he bites on the food. “but i’ll let it slide since they seem to be in a little bit of trouble.”

jungwon turns to the rest of the dancers in the room and calls for a quick break.

riki runs up to you guys as he drinks water, wiping sweat from his forehead.

“what are you doing here?” youngseo asks her fellow schoolmate.

“‘just had a free, so i thought i’d come by,” riki pants. “but after this break i have another class.”

“riki, walk with youngseo back to school when you guys go. just to make sure she stays safe.” riki nods, jokingly saluting jungwon.

“ew, i don’t need to be protected by some stinky boy,” youngseo scrunches her nose at him. “besides, i’d be the one protecting him instead.”

you giggle as you watch the two high schoolers start bickering. jungwon turns his attention back to you guys.

“y/n, are you okay?”

to be honest, you don’t talk to jungwon that often. in fact, you never really see him - only in passing as you walk across the campus of your university.

all you know about him is that he’s quite popular and well liked, (which doesn’t surprise you, considering his good looks). as well as other bits and pieces your friends have told you about him - which is also very little, because none of them are really close to him either. they just have mutual friends or connections to the boy.

“yeah. if it’s okay though, we’ll camp in here for a bit until minho leaves us alone. if it isn’t, we can just run to the library,” you tell him.

"honestly, you'd think a guy would finally have moved on from his ex when he has a new girlfriend..." minji sighed, shaking her head.

jungwon kisses his teeth as he thinks.

“mmm, sorry i don’t think you guys can stay here while we’re in session, but i’ll walk you three to the library. is that okay?”

you hum an agreement, and thank him as you guys walk out and begin your way to the library.

arriving at the library, you immediately start looking for the textbook you need to borrow. jungwon sticks to you and your friends when you say you won’t be long anyway.

he’s conversing easily with minji and hanni when a girl comes up to him, tapping his shoulder shyly. you can easily tell her demeanour is as fake as those toy phones you played with as a child.

“hi… jungwon, can i talk to you privately?” the girl asks softly, unable to look him in the eye.

“umm…” jungwon looks at you guys with an expression that screams ‘help me’ as the girl is already grabbing onto his wrist to drag him away.

quickly jumping to the rescue, you speak up.

“sorry, we actually need jungwon’s help with some school work right now. i’m sure you can talk to him later? when he’s not busy?” you tell her politely.

the girl glares at you before letting go of the poor boy’s wrist and scoffing.

“fine, but i’ll talk to you later, ‘kay wonie?” you want to laugh at the way her act switches up when she talks to jungwon.

“umm, okay?” he says unsurely, as if asking a question.

a sigh of relief escapes him when he looks back at you and your friends, who’re all holding back snickers behind your hands.

“one of your fangirls?” minji teases. jungwon rubs his nape awkwardly.

“well, i don’t really want to call them that…”

“does that happen often?” you ask him, suddenly spotting the item you’d been looking for.

“way too often,” he confirms as you four make your way to the desk so you can take out the textbook.

“that sucks, maybe you need saving more than i do,” you laugh at him as you all make your way back to the studio.

at the doors of the dance studio, you all thank jungwon for coming with you guys. you’d even forgotten about minho, the whole reason the boy joined you guys anyway.

“well, if you ever need somewhere to hide, you’re welcome to run here - if there’s no meeting. i’m here most of the time anyway,” jungwon tells you as you all stand outside the room.

“thank you. if you ever need saving from another girl, just let me know i guess,” you reply. the four of you laugh lightheartedly, before bidding jungwon goodbye and leaving.

when jungwon is out of earshot, hanni turns to look at you knowingly.

“y/n, what was that??”

“what was what?”

“you were low-key flirting with jungwon back there,” minji agrees.

“what? no i wasn’t! that wasn’t flirting!” you defend yourself, confused.

“oookayy,” hanni just agrees with a teasing look.

you roll your eyes at your friends.

two. ; masterlist ; four.

; taglist @lovelovelovebts @miumiuoi @mixtape-racha @enhamysunshines @elysianeclipxe @enhalovie @stryroses @ririlovesrenjun @mrchweeee @clairecottenheart @sloobydooburmomjungwon @k1ttylvr @glitterssim bold can't be tagged. comment on the masterlist or send an ask to be added!

[blackbat05]

On the bright side

Frank Castle x Reader

Plot: You’re having the worst date ever but the world seems to have other plans when a mystery man comes to your rescue.

Genre: PG-13

A/N: Can’t believe I churned out TWO Frank fics in less than a week? I guess it was foresight to welcome Jon back into the MCU! Reblogs and comments always appreciated! Enjoy!

You sip your cocktail, unsure of what you were even doing here in the first place.

Oh yeah, your colleagues had somehow convinced you to go on a blind date. Surely you weren’t in the right mind back then. They were just so persistent that you probably agreed just to get them off your back.

And so, sitting across you was one of the most narcissistic individuals you ever met in your entire life. The moment the both of you had got past the niceties, your date had launched into a one sided conversation about himself and his accomplishments as a businessman.

It didn’t make it any better that he had unknowingly belittled your profession.

Your ears had completely shut off and the only thing that made sense was the background music that was becoming annoyingly loud. You made a mental note to yell at your colleagues for making you spend a Friday evening with the worst company ever.

“Hey!”

You perked up, looking at a man approaching you. As he reaches the table, the dim lights gave you a clear view of his sharp features. He raises a large hand, pointing at you, as if trying to jolt your memory. “It’s me, Pete. From high school?”

You catch the significant look that flashed as quickly as it went away in his eyes. Turning to your date, he smoothly introduces himself. Like the thick headed ogre he was for the whole evening, your date didn’t seem to suspect a thing.

In fact, he was glad for Pete’s presence. Making a barely believable excuse, your date disappeared into thin air, promises of sending you back home long forgotten.

Once he left the bar, Pete’s demeanor drops. “What a jerk. I take it you wouldn’t be seeing him again?”

You scoff. “You’re right on that.” As you finished the last bit of your drink, you remember the important question. “I was caught up in my misery, I almost forgot to thank you. What would the name of my savior be?”

His lips curve up slightly at your humor. “My name’s Frank.”

“Frank.” You let his name roll of your lips. “And am I not going to get a last name?” To which he smiles.

“Maybe if you’re willing to have a drink with me?” He feels the slight pause and hurriedly adds on, “I get that you had a crappy date but I promise you I’ll be better than that sorry excuse of a man any day.”

“Why not?” You considered your options. You were dressed to the nines, unlike your usual dress code in hopes of having a good time.

But your hopes of having a decent night were non existent until the charming stranger had swooped in to save you from your disaster of a date. You figured this was the least you could do.

“I have to warn you though, I’m a pretty good drinker.”

***

Holding onto Frank’s arm, you had to control yourself from stumbling first face onto the streets.

“Woah, easy there sweetheart.” He brings you closer, helping you to stay upright. The cold breeze made you grateful for the warmth that he provided, as you leaned in closer towards him.

“Wohoo!” You giggle uncontrollably, waving your arms like loose spaghetti. Frank can’t help but to chuckle. “So much for saying that you could hold yourself well.”

“Hey! I do!” You defended yourself. “It’s just that I drank more than I usually… than I usually…”

Frank is internally grateful for his quick reflexes as he catches you from becoming human pancake. “That’s it. We’re going to take ages to get back home.” He stands in front of you, effortlessly getting you on his back.

“Wheee!” You squealed excitedly. “Are you going to take me home Mister?” You kick your legs in the air. “But… what about you? Do you not have a home?”

“Sure I do. I’m going there right now.”

Your fogged up brain is unable to process what Frank had just told you. So instead, you settled with nestling your head at the crook of his neck, allowing yourself to fall into deep slumber as he piggybacks you home.

***

You slowly shift on the bed, stretching your limbs. The sun peeking from your curtains demanded that you were to get out of bed. But the question was…

How did you get back home?

You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to dig out the hazy memory. You went to the bar for your horrible date… then a man came over… you had a few drinks with him… oh no.

Scrambling for to throw on decent clothing, you washed up in record time. Padding down the hallway, you’re not sure whether to feel mortified or amazed at the sight in front of you.

A shirtless Frank stands in front of your stove, engrossed in cooking up a storm. You can’t help but your gaze lingers at how his grey cotton pants hung loosely from his hips.

You coughed to make you entrance so as not to alarm him. He turns around, greeting you with tousled hair and an easy grin.

“Morning? Sleep well?”

Voice caught in your throat, you settle by nodding meekly. Grabbing a cup, you decide to calm your nerves with water.

Frank sets two plates of pancakes with bacon on the table and takes a seat across you. You decide to break the silence.

“So… uh… I hope I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Frank raises an eyebrow at your choice of conversation. He takes a strip of bacon into this mouth, enjoying how flustered you were becoming.

“Thanks for taking me back home! My crappy date would have probably left me on the streets. Oh and thanks for saving me yesterday! I really appreciate it. Oh but…” your crinkled your nose in confusion.

“How did you know where I stayed?”

If Frank was nervous, he didn’t show it. “I know you won’t believe me if I tell you I’m not a creep, so let me introduce myself again.” He extends a hand for you to take.

“My name’s Frank Castle. I’m your new neighbor.”

[pinkrangermemes]

RED SHOES & THE SEVEN DWARFS

please watch this movie, it's delightful. feel free to change pronouns and such when needed

"A magical land of princes and princesses, witches and monsters."

"Accidents and strange events happen all the time."

"We thought she was a witch. Sooo... we attacked her, but we were wrong."

"Everything changed the day we slayed a dragon and saved a princess."

"She wasn't a witch. She was a princess. The fairy princess!"

"How were we supposed to know!"

"So, anyway, she wanted to teach us a lesson, so she placed a curse on us, and this was a nasty one."

"And the only way to break the curse is to get a kiss from the most beautiful woman in the world."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? With THIS face!"

"Not again! How long must I wait!"

"Oh, pull yourself together."

"Huh. That wasn't there before."

"What is she up to now?"

"I can't believe my beloved daughter, ____, has turned 18."

"They said she was a witch, but she was too beautiful to be a witch."

"People around the castle have been disappearing, one by one."

"I should send _____ away to a safer place."

"Apples. The most suspicious of fruits."

"But they don't look dangerous."

"Green is like an ogre."

"Quit your complaining, _____!"

"I'm figuring out how to take this curse and kick it where the sun don't shine!"

"What was that, some kind of bird?"

"Magic mirror, full of wisdom, who's the fairest in the kingdom?"

"Inside note, wisdom and kingdom don't really rhyme."

"Cut the sass, and tell me her name!"

"Magic is just my first name. It's short for Magichard, like Richard."

"What can you do then?"

"Perhaps you should recruit another. Someone who stands to gain from your success."

"Let's not jump to conclusions."

"Yes, it could be a witch, but... Yeah, it's a witch."

"Wands where I can see'em, witch!"

"Fraulein! I baked you some revenge!"

"I have six roommates, but my name is on the lease."

"Wow. I look so... different."

"Oh, my gosh! What happened to me?"

"Is that... really what I look like? In the mirror, you see the same thing?"

"Obviously. I mean, I am a princess."

"Nah, that _____ isn't your type. You seem more like a _____ fan to me."

"Honestly, none of them are really my type."

"How can I assist you, my fair lady?"

"I need to find my father, and I know _____ can help."

"Leave it me. I'll find your father within the month."

"I already found your father like two weeks ago!"

"I just need a few days to get him across state lines."

"No one's offered to help me in such a long time..."

"I think I hit her too hard..."

"Who is coming to my birthday party?"

"If she's not gonna sleep, she can come to a party!"

"I DEMAND glorious guests!"

"I couldn't be anymore unpopular!"

"Finally! Someone talking sense!"

"Fear not, loyal hag!"

"I, Prince _____, shall find this fugitive and make her pay for her crimes--by making her attend my birthday party!"

"No! Whatever it is, I haven't seen it! Now, please, go away!"

"Hate to zap you, _____, but I need to impress a beautiful woman."

"_____, stop putting yourself in danger!"

"I see that light at the end of the funnel. Time for me to kick butt in heaven. I had a good run. Hashtag blessed."

"Seriously _____, you need to find a better way to hit on girls."

"Stand back. I may have to risk my life again."

"Where have you been? Something awful could've happened to _____ if I hadn't shown up!"

"You shouldn't go into the forest by yourself. It's a nightmarish landscape fit for only the finest warriors, like myself... and squirrels."

"Oh, I am so sorry. That was... much slappier than I intended it to be."

"To break this curse, we've got to work as a tightly knit team. Which means you do everything I say."

"You took your shot, you got slapped."

"A half baked plan is better than none!"

"It says: do not attempt to remove by force."

"I like a girl who can keep things classified."

"Who said you could leave your post?"

"I'm just walking the bunny."

"There's no need to push me into a corner. This is super scary."

"Are you a criminal!?"

"Just let me know what you want. Anytime. For the rest of your life."

"I don't want your jewels, only your good intentions."

"Ugh, it's that loser, Prince _____."

"Don't troll me, troll."

"Can we get this over with? They're just dwarves!"

"Gentleman, he surrenders."

"I! Shall! Return! On Tuesday. No, wait, let me check my clandarrrr.... Thursday."

"You always talk about what someone looks like."

"I think I can see the real you, and I like you. Just as you are."

"You're a gift. A gift that will transform me into someone amazing, just like you're amazing."

"Nope! Stand back! I got this! One... Two... Okay, yeah, I need help."

"This kingdom has a serious monster problem!"

"What do they want besides smashing us!"

"Take a look, _____! I have triumphantly saved the day!"

"You're going after _____ yourself?"

"By the time I figured out _____ was a witch, _____ had already disappeared."

"If I had given up their magic, you wouldn't have helped me find my father, would you?"

"I'm talking about the kind of spell you never want to break."

"I just wonder what I would have done if I'd seen the real _____."

"Seriously? It's still all about appearances for you?"

"Those are bears."

"If you think you've humiliated, embarrassed, and otherwise frustrated me... you're right."

"Sweet lord, please end this."

"You've torn apart my family, and you will not get away with it, _____!"

"What's going to happen to her?"

"It's a good day to break a curse."

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world, whether my eyes are open or closed."

[garbage--account]

Things characters from Inazuma Eleven would never say :

Endou *pats your head*: ... you should drop sakka, you're bad at this

Haruna : honestly, i think my bro is cringe 😬

Kabeyama : i am tought, i am brave, i am fearless, i am a war machine who will destroys whoever dares to mock my name. Bring on the fight, if you're a real man. And prepare to DIE

Touko : hey girls, what do you think about Endou?

Natsumi : he's alright😐

Aki : i'm cool with him😐

Fuyuka : whatever😑

Kazemaru and Hiroto : i am so normal about him🫥

Touko : same🤷‍♀️

Kidou : a plan? What plan? Is just soccer!🤨

Furukabu : hey boy. Let's me tell you a secret. *whispers* i don't have my driving license 😉🤭

*under the brigde during the storm*

Fubuki : wow... tis made me realized : i was acting real fockin autismo lately. Guess i'll have to see meself at therapy then!

Gouenji : ... i am also realizing that the way i treat teammates venting their problems isn't healthy... i think i'll go to therapy myself since there might be some unresolved issues underlying within

Kidou : oh... i didn't think this through🫤

Fudou : money doesn't buy happiness and being vulnerable isn't equal being weak

Someoka : hey, there are strikers that are better than me in the team ! Good for them ☺️

Endou : *sighs* i don't feel like playing sakka today. Let's have a lazy week-end

Kudou : i am the life of all parties🥳

Sakuma : me? Envious of Kidou's power? Angry that he left us? Why would I be? He found new friends, good for him, am i right?

Aphrodi *descends from the skies in a halo of light* : ✨️I hate myself✨️

Endou : wait... you're saying that we should be the ones saving the earth from sakka aliens that commit act of terrorism across the country because we won some junior sakka tournament ? Wtf no, we are just middleschoolers! Just call the army or something

Gouenji : *explaining why he is late*

Atsuya : why am i a jerk with Shirou ?🥺

Kanon, the Ogres, Fey, Kinako and the children of the second phase : we can timetravel, but shall not resort to this to achieve our goal. The continuity is something fragile, we should not mess with it

Tachimukai : i am just as good as Endou.💪💪💪

Kageyama : my goal is to make soccer better, since I love this sport so much.

Kidou *taking a test* : psst, hey! I didn't study for this. What are your answers?

Aki : too bad for you, i am not helping you. Do your homework for fuck sake !

Rika *seeing Ichinose for the first time* : kinda cute, i think i'll flirt a bit with him if he is okay with that ofc

Hiroto : ... yeah, this alien thing is stupid

Midorikawa : you right, let's not do this

Shindou : all these bullshits doesn't even faze me😑

And finally,...

Temna : sakka was a mistake

[cleoselene]

All The Concerts!

my mom wrote down every concert she's ever been to and it's a LOT, like in the triple digits

and it got me thinking if I could name every concert I've ever been to? I am fearful I might forget some tho my MS memory sucks but here goes:

New Kids on the Block

Boyz II Men/MC Hammer

Tori Amos (x7)

Switchblade Symphony

KMFDM with Nivek Ogre

VNV Nation (x2)

Air Supply (x2)

Terri Clark (lol I hated country when my family dragged me to this one, I was in my peak Snob Goth era)

Garth Brooks (happened much later when I had learned to embrace country)

Peter Cetera

Sarah McLachlan

The Editors

Radiohead (i hated this hahah, it was so fucking boring like their music. My friend bought the tickets and I had hoped seeing them live would make it click. It did not. I was bored and cold because it was raining in Seattle)

Coldplay (was so much better than Radiohead, seethe snobby indie rock fans)

Regina Spektor

The Decemberists (literally the worst concert I've ever seen. Again I did not buy the tickets but my friend who liked going to indie rock shows always bought two tickets in hopes of getting a date and I was her backup if she didn't. To be clear even though this and Radiohead sucked, I did have a great time with my friend both times)

Cake

George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic

Puscifer

Barry Manilow

ummm now I'm drawing a blank but I KNOW I've been to more shows and the stupid brain damage is making me forget. I've always been to see a fuck ton of tribute bands at this supper club, and tbh they were almost all really good. The Pink Floyd one especially. Also lol in middle school once this club I was in had a band come perform and they were like... a hair metal Christian band that took mainstream rock songs like "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi and changed the lyrics to like... "LIVING 'CAUSE I PRAAYYYY" and it was fucking hilarious. It's driving me crazy tho because I know there are more actual real concerts I am forgetting -_-

so i guess if you count all the artists I saw multiple times, it comes to... *maths* 28 concerts? Which tbh does not feel like nearly enough.

on the bucket list:

Vienna Teng

Brandi Carlile

Portishead (lol this will never happen but a girl can dream)

Beyoncé

Taylor Swift

TOOL

A Perfect Circle

The Amazing Devil (which is somehow even less likely than Portishead)

SO I'LL MAKE THIS A MEME. Tell me which concerts you've been to, and tell me which concerts you feel like you MUST see before you die. @deathinthesun @an-ivy-covered-summer @swiftzeldas @sylvieons and whoever else wants to do it~

I did get Taylor tickets last year HOWEVER they were... beyond atrocious, the seats. Like, upper upper deck, BEHIND the stage with like no visibility, not even of the screens, because again: BEHIND. I had like three people trying to get tickets that day and 2/3 of us failed but my friend succeeded and she was like "do you want me to buy these? they're upper deck" and I was like yeah yeah that's okay! We can look at the screens! And then I saw the "OBSTRUCTED VISIBILITY" thing and looked at the layout and I was like...kind of devastated, honestly? It's really hard for me to do an outing like that physically, it was outdoors in April (which translates to HOT in Florida) and I just didn't see myself able to endure 5 or 6 hours at minimum in the heat without like, passing out and dying. Not to mention I'm still really scared of being in a large space with that many people because my disease-modifying drug destroys most of my immune system. I ended up selling them, and... buying my vinyl collection lol. Taylor got a lot of that money again because I bought a lot of her records. I'm kind of bummed that maybe I missed my chance forever, but again, I don't think I could have physically swung it. Plus, of the three nights she did Tampa, the show I was supposed to go to had meh surprise songs while the other 2 nights had AMAZING ones, so I know I would have been salty about that too. ONE DAY THO.

[homosexualisopod]

idk what else to say in here.

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful

sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a

terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful

prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower

for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek

Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can

do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now

Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew

your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast,

back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted.

Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25

pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small.

You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance.

Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five

shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you

got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh,

go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You

boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I

love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He

can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house

fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way!

Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under

arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I

say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you

talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there

with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There

was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.

Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom

with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey

wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine.

Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't

mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you

definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note!

Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of

my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one

here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have

free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend

would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No!

I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really?

-Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I

like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like

that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like

that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's

amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess,

you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have

in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they

won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can

I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't

how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick

together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A,

what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in

the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I

don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good

night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all

alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well

James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got

you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are

You need to be euthanized I think

[medea10]

Medea Played Pokemon Scarlet & Violet, The DLC's (Part I)

Previously on Shit-post Theater

This. That. Also This. That too.

Yeah, it's been a minute. I've been holding off on doing one of these since the first DLC that dropped back in December really didn't wow me as much as I thought it would. So I waited until the second one dropped. Only to learn that an epilogue was coming soon thereafter. That was awfully kind of them. Okay, sit back.

Maybe throw away that sandwich you've been holding onto since November of 2022.

At the start, Jacq-strap tells you about an opportunity to go on a school trip to Kitakami. A region that was just pulled out of thin air...

And here we are!

You're in Kitakami with three randos from the academy, being chaperoned by Ms. Briar, who is an instructor at Blueberry Academy in Unova. And if that doesn't sound familiar to you, it will soon enough.

Soon after, you are accosted and insulted by one of Blueberry Academy's finest asses, Carmine.

The little one behind Carmine is her little brother Kieran. Now that I finished that interruption. I gotta do something really important.

There we go. I am complete. I can finally get a Clefable in these games.

A girl and her Clefable. Is there anything more perfect in this world?

I suppose I should look around this small region.

There's only one Pokemon Center. And it's an outdoor facility just like Paldea.

Gender neutral bathrooms along with boy/girl ones? Uh-oh, don't tell the right-wing weirdos on X.

More pokemon to catch as well. Even Jacq-strap gives you a special egg. I hope it's something...

Sigh. Gible, use Draco Meteor.

And then we meet these two oddballs. O'Nare and...the other one. I don't remember the other one. Biff or Billy or Monty Q Moneybags. Shit, I don't care. They're part of the Pokemon version of the Illuminati. And you'll find them in weird places throughout Kitakami and Paldea. Even on the jagged tippy-tops of the Great Crater. Follow them enough times and O'Nare will battle you a couple of times and you can get a few goodies like nuggets, big nuggets, and a phone case.

There's also a rumor that these two are really Nemona's parents. There's no proof of that and as of this date of posting, we don't know Nemona's parents. I have theories that she's the product of Goku and one of the compulsive gamblers on Kakegurui.

The point of this school trip is to go all over Kitakami and take selfies in front of certain landmarks. Each place tells you parts of a story involving a man, an ogre pokemon, and three "savior" pokemon. Through it all, you're with Kieran. That shy little cinnamon roll.

And then it's time for this mask festival. And you meet Kieran's grandpar...

Huh.

I could be wrong, but did Jessie and James wear disguises like this long ago? Nope? Sorry, my imagination! Okay, moving on.

At this festival, you can play this Ogre-busting game where you have to place mochis up before certain hungry pokemon eat em' up.

You can keep playing this game for a chance at winning a shiny Munchlax.

During the festival, you and Carmine come across that ogre pokemon mentioned prior and a teal mask. Hence, the name of the first DLC.

From this point on, you're going to learn more about Ogerpon. How he's not a bad pokemon and that the tale is fabricated.

And all of this is destroying the cinnamon roll. Kieran always loved the ogre from the stories and feels a little betrayed when you and Carmine hide the new revelations from him.

He is now a stale cinnamon roll.

It's not long before the three "savior" pokemon from the story crash the DLC and run amok all over Kitakami. Eating everything, stealing Ogerpon's precious masks, and turning into titan-sized pokemon.

So, let's get all of these masks back for Ogerpon and defeat those giant, toxic nightmares.

Ogerpon gets a happy ending where the villagers apologize for how it was treated by their ancestors.

Kieran will fight you again for Ogerpon, which ends something like this.

Oh, get up off the floor you drama queen. Shinji Ikari has more dignity than you right now.

And then you fight Ogerpon in a battle.

It's going to be tough since it has four masks, he's tera during the whole battle, and each mask changes his second type. But once defeated, you can catch it with 100% rate.

That's actually it. I was surprised when I finished it so fast. I was worried about taking too long playing it because I had a birthday trip around the same time of release. Speaking of...

I still find this cute.

After the Teal Mask main story, there were a few things we could do.

Like donating your hard-earned moolah to the caretaker in Kitakami. I know he ain't worth it like Honey in Sword/Shield, but...

Nah, I've got nothing.

You can finish off your Kitakami pokedex. There should be 200 entries. And if you fill 150 entries, you can help Perrin.

First of all, we were all wrong about who Adaman was ancestor to. I still want to believe that Adaman is somehow connected to Mikey from Tokyo Revengers. It's not possible, but I'd like to. Good on the creators for giving us Perrin in this game.

The game takes a small turn into Pokemon Snap! territory for a second as you have to take snapshots of pokemon in the wild.

And then you battle the special Hisuian pokemon.

This little fella is different from Legends Arceus. This is known as the Bloodmoon Ursaluna. And no, you can't evolve your Ursarring in this game. After you finish this mini game, Perrin will reward you with Hisuian Growlithe.

Fast forward three months later when you get that call from Clavell and has an old friend of his who wants to meet you.

Let's checkmark another gay couple to the Scarlet/Violet game I approve of.

Cyrano here is the director of Blueberry Academy and wants you to be an exchange student. Remember, this is the school that Kieran and Carmine go to and that Briar teaches at.

And that's it from me. Okay, go on and get out of here. Feed your Koraidon a sandwich.

To be continued.

[ask-missparker]

Season 2 ideas - Jeremy, Liane, Joshua, Belladonna and Nikolai are all accidentally stuck in the enchanted forest.

—They have to find a way back home but on their way home they stop by a few stops, meeting old faces and a couple of new ones 👀 meanwhile in the town they have their own little spots of trouble.

Side-note: Idk if we will do another AU season 🤷‍♀️ yet. I still wanna continue the Wandavision one 💘

For the OUAT: We might change some things because i was thinking about Michelle being in the forest as well, she hasn’t been washed over during the first curse. Like maybe Michelle was in hiding after all theses years once the curse broke in real time and makes her grand return saving the day.

———

In the enchanted forest 🌳

Jeremy ties to men up to the tree, shining his hook and asks, “What do you want? Why do you want to go to our town?”

The older brother spat, “Because you have something of ours. Well, more importantly your husband does.”

“Oh god, what did he do now?”

The young brother added, “He has our sister locked in a pendant! Every time someone uses it, it drains her magic.”

Liane asked, “What’s her name?”

“Stella..he lost her to a duel with Gold’s husband..we want her back!”

Meanwhile Belladonna was looking at the young pretty blonde who played with her sword like it was a magical stick. They found her when they landed here and her mother requested she followed them. Joshua watched her eyes line and snorted as his friend told him to shut it.

“I didn’t say anything.” He replied.

“And I said shut it.” She repeated.

Nikolai gave both of them a look and half smiled sheepishly noticing how her son reminded her of his father. Even better, Belladonna reminded him of Cole at times, then he looked back at the brothers.

Nikolai asked, “What are your names?”

“Why do you want to know?” Asked the young one.

Jeremy responded for him, “My first mate asked a question. What are your names? Give me one other reason why I should let you go and not let you be eaten by Ogres.”

“Thiego and Leonardo, pirate. I don’t need to give you another reason onto why..”

“Why?”

“There is nothing for us in this land. Cora is asking us to help her out of a reward.”

“What reward?”

“Go to this new land, get revenge on your husband and most importantly, restore our family.”

Jeremy looked at his niece and nephew at the last part. Joshua was looking into the guys bags and scars on their chins, noticing deep daggers as he mutters, “Stabbington Brothers?”

Nikolai looked at his son raised an eyebrow, “You know them?

Belladonna stopped looking at the blonde to look at the others saying, “It’s from Tangled.”

Liane blinked confused wondering about where is Rapunzel and her man, Flynn Rider, at if theses guys are here.

Jeremy mumbled, “Of course you’ve seen that movie too. At least it’s better that Ames’s movie.”

He gasped in response, “Hey! That movie depicted us horribly..”

Joshua joked, “Yeah, dad, all you did was kiss mom once after one single encounter while she was asleep.”

Bella snorted, “Well my movie they made my dad kinda one dimensional and only slaying my mother instead of helping her.” 

Liane’s eyes almost flashed purple but Nikolai put a hand on her shoulder to just let it go like Elsa.

The brothers were about to question a couple of things, even bargain a deal to help the others. When suddenly a voice caught into the background of the woods.

“There you are, sons of bitches!” Yelled the voice of the young woman who it seemed to belong to.

Everyone looked around to search for the voice in question. Whoever it was, she has a mouth on her! Jeremy grinned as he thought he was dreaming when he heard it. Nikolai smirked not wanting to get his hopes up yet.

The sun was shining across the thick blonde curls as shiny armor came into view, it looked more Royal than most. She held a small smile as she walked over to the group, her sword resting on her hip, her boots pounding against the ground and her eyes bright was the ocean. Liane looked a bit confused onto the women in front of her, almost like she seen her before but the pirate boys beat her to.

“Michelle?” Asked Nikolai and Jeremy at the same time seeing their old friend.

“Who were you expecting? Lancelot?” She joked with a smile, but her glared stayed on the two men tied up against the tree, who robbed her earlier.

Bella, Alice and Joshua were all dumbfounded by the young blonde.

———

Hehe ok I now want our OCs watching and roasting the Disney versions of themselves 😂

Tags: @gcthvile @missstrawbs2001 @purpleprincessonfyre @cherrysft @luna-d-marsh @rickb-chaos @rooster-84 @sherloquestea @thecavalrywife @thisgirlisonfayeeer @rickb-chaos @sherloquestea @thecavalrywife @thisgirlisonfayeeer @cherrykissthings @mera-xebella and etc

[fyodordostoevskeys]

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast, back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted. Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small. You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance. Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh, go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way! Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note! Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No! I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really? -Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing.

—-🐈 (the parasites got to me)

Why did I read this..

[ike-mcswains-mortician]

HIHI HELLOO dnd session 0 happened today so I can shareee! most of it was people finishing their character sheets tho so not much actually happened in terms of plot sadlyy

The PC’s are:

Sappho: earth genasi sorcerer

Uhm: gecko lizardfolk rogue

(one guy i didn’t catch his nameee)

Tracey Ambrose: Elf ranger

Cyrus Raymond: we know her well :D

Bill Gates: Monk dwarf who doesn’t care about money (ironic name lmao)

Elena (i think): high elf cleric

Vitera: Truth’s new name and tielfing rogue pretending to be an aasimar cleric

A LOT OF PEOPLE!! But basically all we did was go into a festival and we’ve picked out the games we want to play and we went to arm wrestling first! Cyrus entered the competition first and lost to a drow (it was so sad cyrus beloved) and fun fact Vitera was betting against Cyrus since he’s a bastard lmao. Then once she lost, Bill the dwarf was like ‘let me show you how its done kid’ and won against a rlly cool ogre lady and then lost straight after in round two but he was like ‘nono fair game fair game’ and cyrus was like ‘i am not saying good game i’m embarrassed’ After that we chose to go to Riddles so we’ll see how that goes next session hehe

i can’t wait to draw them all okoo byee

OOOOH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH SESSION TIME

ok so right off the bat i LOVE these names i actually cackled out loud at bill gates. also there are so many of you!!! ur probably gonna have to give me reminders of the party members pretty often lmao but i know Cyrus she’s my girl (and that’s all that matters /j)

and FESTIVAL!!! FUN!! im so sorry cyrus dear you’ll get em next time

also have fun at riddles!!! you’ll have to lmk what they are n see if i can solve them hehehe

[localskoomaaddict]

um yea anyway

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful

sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a

terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful

prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower

for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek

Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can

do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now

Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew

your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast,

back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted.

Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25

pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small.

You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance.

Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five

shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you

got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh,

go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You

boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I

love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He

can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house

fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way!

Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under

arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I

say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you

talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there

with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There

was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.

Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom

with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey

wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine.

Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't

mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you

definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note!

Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of

my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one

here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have

free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend

would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No!

I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really?

-Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I

like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like

that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like

that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's

amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess,

you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have

in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they

won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can

I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't

how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick

together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A,

what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in

the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I

don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good

night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all

alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well

James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got

you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are

you doing in my house? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Where would we supposed to

put her. The bed's taken. What? I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogre! What do I

have to do, to get a little privacy? Oh, no! No, no! What are you doing in my swamp? All right, get

out of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Not

there! Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What? We were forced

to come here. -By who? Lord Farquaad. He ??? All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?

Oh I do. I know where he is. Does anyone else know where to find him? -Anyone at all? -Me.

-Anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Do not get

comfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up. In fact. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right

now and get all off my land and back where you came from. You. You're coming with me. All right.

That's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city

adventure. I love it. I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again... What did I say about

singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Well, can I hummer? -All right. That's enough. He's ready to talk.

Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm not

a monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. -Now

tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me. I've tried to be fair to you, creatures. Now my patience has

reached its end! -Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Who's

hiding them? Ok, I'll tell you. -Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man? -The muffin-man.

-Yes, I know the muffin-man. Who lives on Proully lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin-man.

-The muffin-man! -The muffin-man! -She's married to the muffin-man. My lord! We found it. Well

then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in. Magic mirror. Don't tell him anything! Evening. Mirror,

mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Well, technically, you're not a

king. A..., felonious. -You were saying. -What I mean is a... ...you're not a king, yet. But you can

become one. All you have to do, is marry a princess. Go on. So, just sit back and relax my lord,

because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are. Bachelorette

number one is a mentally abused shading from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and

hottubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for two evil sisters. Please

welcome... Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy.

Although she lives with seven other man, she is not easy. Just kiss hers dead frozen lips and find

out what a live wife she is. Come on. Give it up for... Show-white. And last but certainly not least.

Bachelorette number three is a fire-breathing ????, dragon guarded castle, surrounded by a hot

boiling lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes Pina Coladas and getting

cut in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona. So will it be, bachelorette number one?

Bachelorette number two? Or bachelorette number three? -Two... -Three! -Two! One. No, no, no.

Three. Pick number three my lord. Ok, ok. Number three. Lord Farquaad. You've chosen... princess

Fiona. She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone... But I probably should

mention little thing that happens at night... -I'll do it! -Yes, but after sunset... Silence! I will make this

princess Fiona my queen. And Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain! Assemble your finest

man. We're going to have a tournament! That's it, that's, right there, that's Duloc. I've told you I'll

find it. So. That must be lord Farquaad's castle. Aha, that's the place. Do you think maybe he's

compensating for something. Hey, hey wait up Shrek! -Hey, you! -No, no! Wait a second. Look, I'm

not gonna eat you. I just... It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? Hey look at this. Wow! -Let's

do that again. -No. no. All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom. Sorry about that. That

champion should have the honor, no, no... ...the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely princess

Fiona from the fireing keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first

runner up will take his place. And so on, and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm

willing to make. Applause. Let the tournament begin. What is that? Ugh, it's hideous. Oh, that's not

very nice. It's just a donkey. Indeed. Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the Ogre, will be named

champion. How about him. Oh, hey. Now, come on. Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? All

right then. Come on. Hey Shrek! Let me, let me! The chair! Give him the chair! Thank you. Thank

you, very much. I'm here until Thursday. Try the wheel! Shall I give the order sir? No. I have a better

idea. People of Duloc. I give you our champion! What? Congratulation, Ogre. You've won the honor

of embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp

back! -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures. Indeed. All

right Ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back. Exactly

the way it was? Down to the last slime covered toast tool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone.

What kind of quest? Ok, let me get this straight! We gonna go find the dragon and rescue a princess

just so Farquaad will give you back the swamp, which you only don't have, 'cause he filled it with

full of freaks on the first place. -Is that about right? -You know what? Maybe there is a good reason,

donkeys shouldn't talk. I don't get it Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some old Ogre stuff on them?

You know, ??? . Grab his bones to make you brave. You know the whole Ogre trick. Oh, you know

what. Maybe I could have decapitated entire village and put their heads on plate. Got a knife, cut

open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? A, no, not really, no. For

your information, there is a lot more to Ogres than people think. -Example. -Example? OK, A-a-m,

Ogres are like onions. -They stink? -Yes, no. -O, they make you cry. -No. Oh, you leave them out on

the sun and they get all brown and start ??? little wild hairs? No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres

have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. O, you both have layers. You

know not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers. I don't care

what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. You know what else everyone likes? Paffe. Have you

ever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and they say I don't like paffe. Paffe is

delicious. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Ogres are like onions. End of story.

Bye, bye. See you lather. Paffe is maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. You

know I think I've preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something, 'cause I'm making a

mess. Just the word paffe has made me start slimying Why, Shrek, did you do that? Man you got to

warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was opened and everything. Believe me

donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Yeah, right,

brimstone. Don't be talking ??? brimstone. I know what I smell and ??? no brimstone. And they

don't come of stone neither. Sure it's big enough, but look at the location. Oh, Shrek, remember

when you said that Ogres have layers? Oh, yeah. Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don't

have layers. We wear ??? sleeves. Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I

mean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on a

rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava! Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok? For

emotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -Really?

-Really really. Ok. That makes me feel so much better. Just keep moving and don't look down.

Don't look down, don't look down. Shrek! I'm looking down! I can't do this. Just let me off right now,

please. -But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe. Ok, fine. I don't have time

for this. You go back. Shrek, no, wait. Don't do that! Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh. This? -Yes, that!

Yes, yes. Do it. OK. -No, Shrek! -I'm doing it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die.

That will do Donkey, that will do. Cool. So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway?

Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her. I was talking about the dragon Shrek. -Are you afraid? -No, but

shhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Here's a...,

something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that

breathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what I

mean. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Now go over there and

see if you can find any stairs. Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. The princess will be

up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. What makes you think she'll be there? I read it

in a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???.

That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they go. The drafting stairs, ??? Don't mess with

me. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. I wish I had a stair right here right here now, I'd

step all over it. Well, at least we know where the princess is. -But where is the... -Dragon! Donkey,

look out! Got you. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. You probably hear

this all the time from your food, but you must bleach yourself, because that is one dashing smile you

got there. And do I detect the hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're a girl

dragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beauty

out. What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye? Man, I'd really love to stay,

but you know I'm a asthmatic and I don't know if we would worked out. You'd be blowing smoke

and stuff. Shrek! No, Shrek! Shrek! -Wake up! -What? Are you princess Fiona? I am. Awaiting a

knight so bold as to rescue me. Oh, that's nice. Now let's go. But wait, sir knight. This be our first

meeting. Should not be wonderful, romantic moment? Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time. Hey, what

are you doing? You know, you should sweep me out of my feet. Out through the window and down

the rope by to your valued steed. You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Uh-um. But we

have to sing through this moment. You can residing of a poem to me. A ballad, a sonnet, a libretti.

Or something. I don't think so. Well, can I at least know a name of my champion? Shrek. So, Shrek.

I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Thanks. -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's

not my job to do this. Now, come on! But this isn't right. ??? That's what all the other knights did.

Yeah. Right before they burst in the flame. That's not the point. Wait. Where are you going? Exit is

over there. Well, I have to save my ass. What kind of knight are you? One of a kind. ...rush into a

physical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of a this magnitude. That was

the word I was looking for. Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you

doing? Ok, ok, let's just back up a little and take this one step at the time. I mean, we really should

get to know each other first, you know what am I saying. As friends, maybe even as ??? Hey don't

do that. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail. And you're going to tear it off.... Oh, no. No! -It

talks?! -Yeah. It's getting to shut up, that's a trick. Ok, you two. Head for the exit. I'll take care of the

dragon. Ruuuuun! You did it. You rescued me. Amizing, you're wonderful. You're a ... ...a little

unorthodox I admit, but by deed is great and by heart is pure. I'm entirely in your debt. And where

would a brave knight be without his noble steed. I hope you heard that. She called me a noble

steed. She thinks I'm a steed. The battle is won. You may remove your helmet good sir knight. -Aah,

no. -Why not? I have helmet hair. Please. I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuer. Oh, no, you

wouldn't, dust. But, how will you kiss me? What? That wasn't in a job description. -Maybe it's a

perk? -No. It's destiny. You must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and besieged by a

dragon is rescued by a brave knight. And then they share true love's first kiss. With Shrek? You

think, wait... ...you think Shrek is your true love? Well, yes. You think that Shrek is your true love.

What is so funny? Let's just say, I'm not your type, ok? Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now,

now remove your helmet. Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm

not going to. -Take it off! -No! -Now! -Ok, easy. As you command your highness. You're an Ogre.

Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. Well, yes, actually. Oh no. This is all wrong. You're not

supposed to be an Ogre. Princess, I was sent to rescue you by lord Farquaad, ok? He's the one,

who wants to marry you. Well, then why didn't he come to rescue me? Good question. You should

ask him that, when we get there. But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some Ogre and

his pet. Well so much for noble steed. Look princess. You're not making my job any easier. Well I'm

sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me

properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right? -I'm a delivery

boy. -You wouldn't dare. -You coming donkey? -Put me down! Yeah, I'm right behind you. Put me

down or you will suffer the consequences. This is not dignified. Put me down. Ok, here's another

question. Let's say that a woman 'digged' you, but you don't really like her, that way. Now, how you

[kafus]

okay now that that nightmare is over (ticketmaster) i finished the main story of the teal mask DLC! this was my team by the end :]

i take a lot of pictures while playing here's my voyeuristic shots of these bastards and also me taking the W against all of them with carmine

and of course i caught ogerpon!! i absolutely fucking love this cutie i can't believe SV has not one, but TWO friendly legendaries you form a bond with over the course of the game now. this DLC plot was leagues better than SWSH's in that regard. it wasn't over in an hour and i actually felt a connection with the little guy. or well girl they're 100% femaleASJDKASD

anyways my more in depth thoughts... i already talked about this some in my prior post but i love kitakami! i love the geography and the culture and i feel like this small "region" got to be more fleshed out because of the smaller scope which is great. overall i have mostly positive things to say! i did not like carmine at first but i ended up warming up to her a lot by the end and enjoying her as a character, i loved the presentation of kitakami's history and traditions, and i haven't played much of it but the ogre oustin minigame was fun on the first go at least LOL

that being said i have a lot more complicated feelings about kieran specifically

i thought that maybe when we apologized to each other earlier on all would be well but then he just... kept getting the short end of the stick. i mean i'm glad that the game let me verbally apologize to him but i think it's fucked up that after all of that, no comfort was offered to this child and his feelings kept getting shrugged off. i felt bad defeating him at the end, i mean yeah i'm not gonna tell ogerpon no to staying with me if she likes me and wants to go with me, but the fact that we weren't able to have a conversation with kieran about it?? yeah he runs back home and tries to be alone but i feel like at that point it would be meaningful to try and go talk to him and make amends. tell him he's a good trainer and just has to keep working. idk

maybe i'm just too empathetic to younger characters but it just really sucked and i was kinda miffed with like. them implying that kieran might be a villain in the next DLC or something, like dude i'd be pretty pissed too if my sister and only friend were treating me like garbage (at some point their grandfather chastises carmen and she literally says "it's not like i hit him" like dude THAT'S your bar for mistreatment?) and lying to me and then even after all of that i still couldn't achieve something i've been dreaming about since childhood. like dude must be fucking shattered. why do we have to portray him as "evil" idk, i just really hope in the next DLC there is a proper resolution to all of this because i feel terrible for him and he deserves better. is he perfect? no. does he deserve some level of consequence for some of his actions? yeah. but man throw the kid a bone good lord

anyways i'm not actually opposed to kieran doing some fucked up shit or losing his cool, i'm reserving being pissed for if there is no proper resolution to this story or if he isn't redeemed by the end of the next DLC LOL

but yeah DLC was very good despite my complicated feelings on one of the main characters, certainly much better than SWSH's, i am going to do the side question with Camera Woman i forget her name atm and complete the dex soon

[eating-the-inedible]

Here's something someone put in the "anything else" box

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast, back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted. Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small. You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance. Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh, go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way! Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note! Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No! I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really? -Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I like about you, Shrek?

[hydrate-or-diedrate]

Day 3 of reading homestuck wahoo

Casually defiles tomb

Oh goodness, Grandma clown ghost returns

MORE MUSIC HELL YEAH

Wow Nanna you sure are good at expositing

Yeah shadow dude go learn some etiquette, if the boy does not want cookies he shan't have cookies smh

I still barely know who GG is but they seem either sweet or weird as hell

Yeah Dave, I also wonder why it's hot, who could possibly know

Cal teleported I say we burn him

I do not appreciate the puppet ass it's too much ass not gET rid of it

NOT THE PIANO ROSE PLEASE SPARE IT

I have to know if there's an actual scoreboard for this green slime pogo ride lmao

NOT THE PIANO NOOOOO

Is life truly worth living if you don't have a piano in your place of residence, be it grand, upright, electric, or otherwise? I think not.

A broken piano IS the end of the world, Rose!

It's okay Nannaquin, I would eat your cookies oh woah maybe I wouldn't sorry Nanna I won't touch them I don't wanna get blasted

Aww, shadow dude learned his manners

Rose darling I beg of you to stop making holes in the house

Hell yeah baby eat those books

Proboscalypse

I'm gonna guess that 02-49-13 is either completely useless like John thinks or is gonna end up being important

Is that a very large clown

I appreciate Cal even less than the clowns and the puppet ass and the ghostbusters desktop combined he is truly awful

I want to ask if the dog named Rowlf in Dave's brother's comic is a reference to rowf of plague dogs/the lapine language of watership down but I'm scared of the answer and also don't think it goes that deep and oh hey a saw trap

Why oh why does the puppet have blood

THE BROTHER

I'm imagining these puppets falling onto Dave to the tune of "Lacrimosa"

Oh my gosh spring ghost hammer

Why hello there Toby Fox, a pleasure to see you here

So you see, I've gone over my 200 page daily quota I've set for myself to ensure I don't end up taking months to read this, but now I want to keep reading >:/ hmmm

Keep reading it is

Uh oh farewell generator and farewell Rose

Look the thing warned me to be prepared for major character death so I'm trying not to get too attached even though I know I will anyway

BIG CLOWN BOSS BATTLE

CRUDE OGRES I see

Goddammit Dave

Double psyche?

Hello Wayward Vagabond!

URANIUM FUCK YEAH! You know how many calories are in that much uranium? A LOT

FUCK YES CAL HATH BEEN RIPPED IN TWAINE GOOD RIDDANCE

How much time do we spend with the vagabond I am eager to watch John fight things

I recognize the shape on that pumpkin from years of homestuck fanart that I've scrolled past without paying any mind its the horned dude(s?) isn't it

Serenity the firefly is the best character no I don't take criticism

Oh THAT kind of ascend

Are those squirtle glasses

Oh my gosh that's the end of act 2

I'm not gonna lie, I really like this. I thought I wasn't going to but I'm enjoying myself very much :)