#yeah Lucilius's way to treat others is wrong. i've never denied it or implied that because he was a sad meow meow it was forgiveable | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

icharchivist · 1 year ago

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i mean i get why it sucks but i've been having an existential crisis that keeps me up at night for most of my life too and i'm not producing people expressly to abuse them and use them as tools about it. Astrals are just on something else i guess

i'd say it's a question of scale in general, as in an existential crisis coming so deeply from a whole different life in your head would fuck someone up much more. but anyway i keep saying Lucilius' way to treat other is bad, in those same posts in fact, just that his issues with depersonalization/derealization are also extremely compelling and actually make me feel bad for him. Those two feelings can coexist, and i don't mean that you have to be nicer to him or anything. i'm just saying he's still an interesting character.

#like idk as someone who suffered from both scenario ie: abuse from family and lover #and this feeling of twisting yourself to try to overcompensate on the neglect you've been through #AND as someone who genuinely feels like i'm walking my life as dissociated from reality #and have to constantly remind myself to remain close to earth while being scared when the apathy knocks in #especially after too-realistic dreams that can really make it seem like something is deeply wrong with me and i shouldn't be here #i have actually deep feelings for both situation #yeah Lucilius's way to treat others is wrong. i've never denied it or implied that because he was a sad meow meow it was forgiveable #all i've been saying is that damn actually this feeling of complete disconnect resonate with me to the point of shattering my glass house #and while compassion and empathy are stuff i deeply deeply prioritize in my life #i have those episodes of pure apathy especially after a disconnection like that #that genuinely scare me and that i have to work twice harder to feel myself back into controlling my thoughts #and therefore am deeply scared of the flipside of not managing to fight it #which actually make me much more empathic to characters who can't. actually.#like i have this thing where i see characters who struggles with similar issues than me and make all the wrong choices #because i pity them like i'd pity myself in the mirror on a bad day #like i'm sorry i don't want to be tmi or justify myself in such a way but i've tried just being more general #and if we're going to put personal experience into all of this i have all day #i have a trauma for all of the stuff i have lighthearted but strong opinions about #i insult Lucilius every other day i feel like it's a bit sad that the day i say i do actually like how interesting his drama is #that i have to argue for the reasons why those issues - while not erasing his flaws - are worth being emotional about #and i'm not asking you to feel this way and you should stick to how you feel bc your personal experience is what should shape your feelings #but you also need to accept that i have my own as well #ichareply #anonymous #ichafantalks gbf

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