#yea ok ill just continue ranting for hours into my note to self
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ok idk what the fuck is up with me today but I'm feeling really shitty so im gnna just spout some random shit here
what i dislike about my girl friends
have to explain football to them every time i watch
they're all stupid and i have to help them study
can't play basketball with them cuz they suck and are all short (same with volleyball)
they make me listen to their shitty songs lol
none of them can cook so whenever they come over i have to make food for them
i can't understand when they talk about girl shit
what i like about my girl friends
im faster than them
smarter than them
cooler than them
i don't have to match with them when they match clothes
when we go to a hot place they have to wear bras and i can be shirtless
they don't like when i smoke which is annoying but its nice of them i guess
they make me feel tall
what i dislike about my dude friends
taller than me
stronger than me
always call me a femboy
call me slurs
homophobic
racist
what i like about my dude friends
they're hot as fuck
#why am i gay it's honestly painful#being in love with men who'd hate me if they knew who i was#haha kinda like how i felt about my father#he's the reason i started smoking#i guess in a fucked up way i wanna be like him#i don't know why but i started smoking after he died#my only memory of him was where he had a cig#i was a toddler#how fun#i fuckin hate that sisterfucker#im getting off track#but#i am currently in love with a man who'd rather kill himself than attempt to pretend to reciprocate#i wish he was more annoying or more homophobic or SOMETHING#but i have a feeling that even if he was I'd still do this#I'm not worthy of love that has a chance#i guess ill just become a hermit#at one point i was sick of myself and the only person who messaged me was a bot#serves me right huh#ok#i wish i had someone to talk to but no one would understand#i guess that's why I'm doing this? i feel stupid#i feel like i think like chicks#maybe i am trans#i don't know#i just wish i could be normal.#because at least then it'd be expected for me to love him#yea ok ill just continue ranting for hours into my note to self#jeez that sounded so pathetic#sorry lol
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